#anyway the hargreeves are all cats | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

lahotelbellamuerte · 5 months ago

Text

𝐇𝐨𝐭𝐞𝐥 𝐎𝐛𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐧 - floor four. men in suits could be a kink...right?

series masterlist ! current: men in suits could be a kink...right? ! next: no body, no crime

pairing; slight five x phoenix, lilah x diego (allude) warnings; suggestive language, five hating phoenix, not proofread! word count; 6.0k notes; none for this one

NOW WE ALL KNOW THE STORY OF EIGHT HARGREEVES. She was born as the favorite, and Reginald trained her to be the best. She becomes tired of the present and decides to go into the future with her boyfriend. Five Hargreeves. The two were oh so in love, thinking they were the smartest, strongest, and best. Well, obviously they were very wrong and got stuck in the apocalypse with no way back home. The start of the very disaster of a century.

Right back to the blonde, who has a kid, who dies because he was born with abilities he couldn't control. Just like someone we know—spoiler alert—it's Eight. For someone given so much attention, you would think she would, right? Anyways joins the Commission, and there the grand plan grows.

Since she wasn't the one with the ability to save the universe, she went out to find the person who could. It was dear old little —REDACTED—oh, right, you can't know her name yet. Phoenix is a different version of Eight. Old lady Eight only told the small girl of what was to come, but not the complete plan.

Now onto Phoenix, the prodigy with her abilities. Unfortunately blind, but that didn't stop her from expanding her capabilities. Practically being able to see with her strength at listening smelling and tasting, vision was no longer necessary for her. At the age of thirteen, the young girl figured out how to jump time. Being stuck in time was fun for the girl, able to steal without a trace. And being placed on the Commission's radar became even more exciting. A fun game of cat and mouse.

Obviously, they were never able to catch her. She was good at what she did. Even escaping the grasp of one of their most skilled agent. Five Hargreeves, who had only failed the mission titled "Phoenix's flames."

Eventually, the girl returned back to her home timeline, hoping to live it out to old age, after ruining her age by jumping through time. A 30-year-old stuck in the body of an eighteen-year-old. But nothing ever goes to plan for the girl, as a few months later after returning a family from a different timeline is calling for her help.

"Chrisy, you did a great job at explaining it," Phoenix called as she sat on the counter of the bar.

"I'm so confused," Diego muttered grabbing his head from a headache.

Five sipped on his coffee, "Shocker," he replied.

"Well, someone killed our mothers, so we shouldn't exist. But clearly, we do exist and the universe can't handle it, which is a problem," Viktor said after hearing all that Five had to say.

"Big problem," Phoenix and Five chorused, who turned to give each other a glare.

The purple-haired girl then scoffed and looked off to see a kid goofing off, "Stanley! Now is not the time to be doing karate, okay?" he yelled at the young boy.

Stanley looked back holding a pool stick and glared, "Mom said I need to practice," he replied.

Diego paused slightly, "Yeah, well, she's not wrong. You're very bad," he added twirling a small knife in hand.

"Well, I saved your pathetic ass," Stanley added with a whine.

She turned to Diego and gave him a thumbs up, "Cute kid."

Diego only gave her a mocking smile. Not being able to conclude that isn't the girl they grew up with. Now it was a purple-haired girl with blunt bangs, and tattoos. And not to mention blind.

"Okay, hold on. Five, so we caused a paradox. What does that mean," she asked leaning against a pillar.

The boy looked over at his sister, "It's hard to say, it's all been theoretical until now, but things have started to disappear."

Viktor gave a confused glance, "What things?"

Phoenix hopped off the counter, "Right now? Cows, and according to boy genius, lobsters," she paused and sighed, "But I've got a feeling it's just the start."

Allison scoffed, "A feeling?" she asked walking then closer to the two who always seem to cause problems, "You know, you can't drag us through hell because you have an itch only an apocalypse can scratch. And then expect us to deal with the fallout," she continued only to stop right before the girl with dyed hair, "You're not the boss.

The girl tilted her head at the voice, "Listen, Shirley Temple, I'm not the one who put you into this. You are in my timeline. So I'd pipe down if I were you, I haven't known you long enough to feel remorse if I hurt you right now," she finished a pulse of energy coming off from her, enough to push her slightly.

Before Allision could respond, Five pulled the girl behind him, "Look she has nothing to do with this, but I'm telling you something terrible is coming."

"Then let's attack the sparrows, grab the briefcase and go home," she instead now leaning to glare at him and the blind girl.

Five sighed, "This is our home Allision, accept it," he replied not noticing his grip still around Phoenix's wrist behind him. He only let go when Stanley knocked down a whole bunch of furniture.

Diego sighed, "That's it I'm telling your mom," he yelled.

"Ohh..." Stanely mocked as if he was afraid.

Recognition went through Five's eyes, "Wait where's Lila?" he asked the boy.

"Shower, I told her she could stay with us," he replied.

Five then grabbed his coffee and let Phoenix's hand go, "Let's go Bird," he whispered.

Diego turned, "Wait where are you two going?"

The girl turned to face him her dimple showing as she smiled. Lifting her hand to stick her finger against her tongue and suck on it. She laughed when Diego recoiled and shivered at the sight. Watching her catching up with the other teen.

"What did you do?" Five asked with a sigh, he was too old for this.

The girl giggled and throw an arm over his shoulder, "Just grown-up things," she replied and removed her arm and followed him through the hotel.

"You disgust me I hope you know that?" He said finishing the rest of his coffee and throwing the mug elsewhere.

"Well you can't hate me, I'm the only one capable of helping you and your little family," she replied running her hands to untangle her hair.

Then the two made it to the showers, Five pushed the door open, "What the hell are you doing here?" Fived asked.

Phoenix looked over at the woman in the tub and laughed, "Wait your joking?" she laughed, "Lila?"

The blonde looked over at the new face and recognized her, "Well if it isn't little firebird," she sounded, "What are you here with the Perv for?"

Five rolled his eyes, "Don't flatter yourself, Lila. I like my women a little less likely to kill me in my sleep."

"Ugh I'd kill for a bath, but Lila darling, you could talk to him about what none sense," she replied and started the water on the other bath, throwing in soap bubbles.

Behind her, she didn't even realize Lila throwing a knife at the boy she had come in with, but he disappeared a few feet in front of her. Not caring she lifted her shirt and bra above her head, not missing the lingering eyes of the teen in the corner.

"Are you seriously getting naked right now?" he yelled doing his best to avoid his eyes at the girl, but that was a mistake as her body distracted him. Lila appeared behind him and slammed his head on the mirror next to him.

Stepping into the warm water she sighed, "Yes, I'm filthy, plus you can handle whatever this is," she called out and watched as Lila stuck out her leg and kicked him right in the stomach.

"Whoo! Go, Lila!" Phoenix called shaking the water to create more bubbles around her.

Five fell to the floor when Lila kicked him in the face, but he grabbed a towel near the tub, wrapped it around his elbow, cracked it, and began choking her.

"Whoo go Five!" she yelled again now having popcorn in her hand as she watched the very fun fight.

The blonde began gasping for air as he held her tightly, and she blinked and grabbed the knife she had thrown originally. Came back to him and attempted to stab him in any way possible. But he was able to get a hit and he slammed his palm against her chin. Grabbing a tray to protect himself from being stabbed. Straining he pushed back and was able to throw it away altogether.

As they continued their hand-to-hand, Phoenix couldn't keep her eyes off them. God did she miss good fights after she came back to her timeline. After throwing soap and kicking her in the face she tapped out.

"Alright enough," she said picking up a towel, "Why are you here with the worst shithead ever?" Lila asked Phoenix who was enjoying her soapy bath.

She shrugged, "He found me," she replied as she scrubbed her neck and arms.

Five rolled his eyes, "As much as I love your little reunion, we have bigger concerns," he said.

Lila rolled her eyes, "Yeah? Like what?"

"Remember the grandfather paradox?" Phoenix called out from the tub.

Lila finished tying up her towel and looked at the two, "Well, I read the training manuals that you read," and paused to look at the purple-haired girl, "And you stole, why?"

"Because it's happening," he replied seriously.

Lila clicked her tongue and looked over at Phoenix, "Is he being stupid?"

The blind girl shook her head, "Nope, little number is not."

"Hand over your briefcase. I need to go to Herb and find out how he let things get so cocked up," he replied seriously not being able to believe the two women in the room knew each other.

"Hand me my knickers over there will you?" she asked and pointed to the bath the girl was currently near.

As he threw her the clothes, he realized there were two cases, "Lila why is it that you have two briefcases?"

She rose her brows quickly, "One is yours, nicked it from the Sparrows. Go on give it a go."

Five put one of the briefcases down as he turned the other and tried to travel. Feeling panicked he picked up the other and attempted the same. Just to get the same result of the machine powering down.

"This can't be happening," he whispered, "The odds of one of them failing is in the millions. But two of them..."

"Astronomical, yeah," she replied with an indifferent tone, already gone through the whole disappointment, "So, what does that mean exactly? End of the world?"

He shook his head, "Much worse apparently," he paused and looked over at the girl behind him, "bath time is over Bird, we all have to work together."

"Shit," Lila and Phoenix chorused in agreement that they didn't like Five.

Phoenix sighed and stood from the bath and stepped out, "Hand me a towel, hmm?" she asked Five who was the nearest, and looked up to avoid the naked body of the girl.

Lila couldn't help but smirk as he reached walked over to one and walked backward with his arm holding it. God this man truly was made to love every and all forms of Eight.

"Thanks," she replied securing it around her chest.

The three made their way towards the exit, Lila coming out first.

"Lila?" Diego called out when he saw her exit the bathroom.

"Hm?" she asked seeing Stanley and Diego.

He walked closer to her, "You need to take this kid with you," he tried to say then watched as Five stepped out with briefcases, "The hell were you doing in there?"

"Bathing," Lila replied not caring.

Diego rose a brow, "Together?"

"Diego, that was your name right?" A new voice appeared making his eyes grow even bigger as he noticed her towel as well, "we don't have time for this, we have got some important shit to do," she replied as she pressed herself to Five's back peaking over his shoulder. The three started to walk away.

Number Four was confused once again, "Both of them?" he whispered to himself, "Woah wait what's more important than family?"

"End of the world," Five and Phoenix chorused.

Walking to the elevator, "Do you not have any more clothes?" Five asked her as he hated the fact that only a towel covered her.

"Why does it make you uncomfortable?" she asked stepping into the elevator that opened.

Five shifted, "Yes actually."

"Why? You've seen your wife naked, haven't you? What is the difference between my tits and hers?" The purple-haired girl asked not caring about others seeing her naked, "Well actually mine are pierced but the same difference."

Five turned to look at her with a deadpan, "I was married to hers, not yours," he paused, "I respect that you are a different person than the woman I married."

Phoenix shrugged but didn't reply and waited for Lila to join in the elevator, "Harsh, babe, harsh," the girl whistled, then leaned in, "You still love him."

"Shut it Bird," Lila said with a roll of her eyes, ignoring the laughs of the girl in the elevator.

She crossed her arms and shrugged, "Oh! I should get us clothes now for the end of the world! I'll get to you!" before any of the two could tell her to wait she was gone with a crack.

Five sighed, "I forgot she could do that," he said softly with a roll of his eyes.

Five Pheonix couldn't help but get him a three-piece suit. She had the liberty to choose what to get him. The small black vest that hugged his waist was her favorite piece. Just roll up the white sleeves and he was set. Plus the black slacks and shoes she chose were great. Not to mention she had a thing for suits, but we won't go into that.

"You look hot in the suit, not going to lie, old man," she muttered as she watched him button his vest, well his silhouette looked attractive.

The teen boy rolled his eyes and ignored the purple-haired girl.

Lila had a more laid-back type of situation. Getting her back into her favorite boots, a pair of grey skinny jeans, and her green jacket layered above.

Now, let's hear Phoenix out...she's in the land of the free and couldn't help but channel the inner cowboy in her. She wore a burgundy long-sleeve rolled up to her elbows and a cute tight little brown leather vest, straight black jeans that went over her now brown cowboy boots. Oh, do leave out the brown belt, with a thick silver buckle with a phoenix design on it.

As the three settled into a small tight closet, five couldn't help but roll his eyes at her outfit, "You couldn't have chosen something more normal?"

The purple-haired girl scoffed, "Oh old man, I'm in the land of the free, I need to dress the part."

Lila laughed, "Oh did I miss you little Firebird," she said rubbing her hand over her fringe, "See this is who I expected your wife to be."

Five paused his actions to look at her then Phoenix, "What? Stupid?" he replied with a smirk looking at her.

"Har har, eat shit old man," the girl replied with a lift of her middle finger towards his direction, instead continuing to help the grouchy old man.

Then Lila held a battery charger, handing him the last of the clamps. as he was the only one that could do it. At least that's what Phoenix made them think.

"Ready to hot-wire this briefcase?" Lila asked and looked over at the nervous five.

The purple hair girl dug into one of her pockets, and brought out a bag of popcorn, "Light him up Pitts," she whistled.

Turning the dial sparks flew all around the room as he tried putting his powers through, but to no avail. He rather squirmed in pain as he did so.

"Ah, shit!" Five wailed in pain as the shocks continued to go right through him.

All the while the two women in the room laughed at the sight. Finally, the cocky man feels pain.

Slamming against the wall he couldn't handle the pain, "Lila!" he continued groaning until he let it go, grabbed a towel, and tried to put out the fire.

"Truly wonderful, can't believe Old Lady Eight was married to this," Pheonix muttered feeling the heat in the room as she munched on popcorn, "Yeah, had a feeling that wouldn't work pops."

Five glared over at the two amused women, "Well, I'm glad my pain amuses you."

Lila snapped and nodded, "You have no idea, It's like my therapy."

"I just personally don't care," the teen girl added lifting herself to sit next to Lila.

Closing the door behind him he glanced at the two, "Well, now we are down to one-half dead briefcase, and my jumps are only accurate up to a couple of minutes. So, essentially, we're screwed," he told them pacing up and down the hall.

"Maybe, maybe not," Lila said taking the popcorn from her dear friend and eating one with a smile.

The purple-haired girl shook her head, "Naur, the last time you gave me a smile like that I ended up in some dragon wasteland!" she hissed.

Lila shook her head, "No I mean Five is pathetic as you know," she offered as the two looked over to glance at the boy, "But you have powers like no other, with your help all three of us could get there."

Five scoffed, "Are you telling me all this time she could jus—"

Phoenix lifted her finger to his lips to shush him, "—now, now, love, the adults are talking," she paused then turned to face Lila again, "You barely trust him as it is—"

"—He killed my birth parents," she interjected with a raise of her brow.

The teen nodded, "She's right," he informed the new girl.

"And your entire family stood by while the greasy Swede put a cap on the woman who raised me," she added staring sadly.

Five then lifted a hand, "The Handler was going to kill you, Lila. In fact, she did kill you and my wife, the person who somewhat cared about you. Then I rolled back time and let the meatball do his work," he began explaining to the blonde, "And if you're leading Diego on as payback for what happened in Texas. Trust me I have the very right to do that too, but he may actually love you and was just pissed you kept him on a leash."

Phoenix leaned into him, "What did Diego do?" she whispered.

Five sighed, "He slept with my wife, don't worry I beat the shit out of him already," he replied as Lila thought about what he had said, "Come on Bird, you might be a use for me," he said and grabbed her wrist once again.

Tears brimmed her eyes as she was told the long-time coming truth, "What do you know? You got your wife killed," he retaliated hoping to hurt him just as much as she was hurting.

As Five was dragging the blind girl he paused and turned quickly toward Lila. His brows furrowed in anger, "Do not talk about Eight that way, you don't think I blame myself enough without you telling me that? I loved her more than you will ever know," he hissed stepping close to the blonde. He was fuming at the thought they couldn't fix the timeline, but bringing up Eight was a sting he never thought would be possible.

Pheonix frowned from beneath her glasses, her hand subconsciously moving to his wrist, not realizing the teen stopped in his tracks.

"This is insane. There is no way we're gonna get past this to make it to the Commission," she said shaking her head, knowing the two would only bring back more painful memories each time.

The purple-haired girl then moved forward and pushed the two apart, "Alright I get that you two will never get to trust. But how about think of it as honest lovely hatred," she finished with a sigh looking at both of them, pointing towards the room they were just in.

The two former Commission assassins paused and nodded, "Great now let's hold hands and sing kumbaya," she finished and walked forward to open the door, not forgetting to grab their hands and pull them in.

"Y'know I still don't get how you can see if you can't see," Lila then asked as the three shuffled back into the room.

Phoenix snorted, "I like to call it seismic sense," she started, "Every breath, sound, and step I take let out these sounds or vibrations, that lets me 'see' perse," she finished and let their hands go and began plugging stuff into the wall.

"Okay now the both of you relax, especially you Firebird, we don't need to end up at the beginning of time," she told glancing over at the purple-haired girl who just shrugged.

Five sighed in disgust, "I can't. Your breath is terrible," he huffed.

Phoenix gasped and smacked his arm, "Five that's rude!"

Lila laughed at the two, "First of all garlic is for winners," she paused and looked back at the machine, "Enough foreplay!"

Five shook his head, "This is stupid," he sighed then gripped Phoenix's hand as her other held Lila's.

"Alright, you two are about to feel what true powers look like," the blind girl laughed.

The Ex-Commission employees began powering up as Phoenix's hands began glowing. What tripped Five out was the color, unlike his wife's, hers was a dull red snaking around his and Lila's arm. He thought she was kidding when she said they would feel it. But the minute the case began crackling he felt a heavy weight on his arm. The power that surged through him felt dark and heavy, nothing like Eight's.

"It's starting!" Phoenix called as she felt all of time course through her veins, "Oh it feels so good!"

Five glanced down at her and noticed the cracks of glowing yellow on her skin, "How is this enjoyable for you?" he yelled as he was straining himself along with Lila.

One second they were in the library, the second the three zapped through time and landed in a heavy snowstorm.

As Phoenix landed, she fell forward, hands landing on the soft snow. Feeling the cool air on her face as the harsh cold winds blew on it. She couldn't see, all the noises and the soft ground made everything look so grainy, "I can't see anything!"

Five looked over at the girl to see her staring forward in panic, "Here give me your hand!" he yelled over the storm, he then watched her move her hand around in panic, "I can't see dipshit!" she hissed.

"Right! Sorry!" he yelled and moved to grip her hand, "Thanks Lila, now we're in the Ice Age!" he yelled angrily.

The blonde looked around and shook her head, "Shut up and turn around," she said gripping her body in hopes of keeping warm.

The time travel turned and looked at the destroyed building, "The Commission," he whispered looking at its state. Then he moved to follow a laughing Lila towards the building. His hand tightly gripped Phoenix's hand who stumbled through the snow blindly.

"So this is what it's like to not see!" she yelled over the storm, her hand moving to grip his forearm, "Don't think that I like you one bit," she said over the snow.

Five huffed, "Trust me I know," he said walking quicker and pulling her along.

The minute they stepped into the building the girl detached herself from him. Touching a wall momentarily, "Ha, this place went to shit," she huffed feeling all the ruined building.

The three looked around at its ruined state, "I was just here, how long was I bloody gone?" Lila asked nobody really.

Five sighed, "It seems the Grandfather Paradox, is affecting everything," he said putting the briefcase down.

"Even places out of time it seems," Phoenix muttered, her hand touching the old railing by her.

Lila looked over to the girl, "Is that possible?"

Phoenix shook her head, "This is just a few of the images Eight showed me when she visited," she said moving her finger to adjust her glasses.

Five moved to pick up the suitcase and felt a rumble, "Bird watch out!" he called as he saw the falling ceiling.

But it never reached her, the pieces all like sand fell above her, "I'm invincible Five," she said turning to walk up the steps.

"Yeah that's what my wife said and she's dead," he mumbled walking after her.

The purple-haired girl scoffed, "Yeah, well I'm not Eight," she huffed.

As the two continued to walk over the piles of rubble, Five walked into the infinite switchboard. He turned the dial to get any type of broadcast, "Do you see this?" Five asked the girl standing behind him.

"I can't see anything dipshit," she muttered with a roll of her eyes.

"There's been a rip in the space-time continuum. It's swallowing everything. Oh, my sweet Dot, Iris, Josh from accounting, they're all gone...." Five turned the dial to speed it up, "I've tried everything! I don't know what else to do. The timeline is collapsing. This is...the end." His voice ended and yelled as he disappeared.

"That's great because you and your family came here, everything I know of will end," she sighed crossing her clap.

Lila then showed up, "I could kill for some scrambled eggs right now," she said walking in.

Phoenix looked over at her, "Y'know I haven't eaten, we should get lunch after this," she said with a smile.

Five rolled his eyes at the two, "Shut up both of you. This is bigger than the timeline and your hungry stomachs."

The blonde rose a brow, "What's bigger than the timeline?"

"The entire universe my friends," she replied stuffing her hands in her pockets, "I should've got myself a jacket," she mumbled the rest.

"Missing dogs, people...It's the opposite of the Big bang," he said looking at the two, "Instead of the universe expanding, it's now collapsing in on itself."

Lila nodded and snapped, "Like a prolapsing rectum," she replied quickly.

Phoenix snorted at the answer, "Oh god I missed your stupid answers, Lila," the girl replied then walked off as she got a sense of deja vu.

The Founder...Find them. Was the voice that echoed in her head, the familiar voice that she had met all those years ago. Her feet carried mindlessly all to follow the visions and whispers in her head. Not realizing the dark red energy following her around.

As she made her way toward the halls, she couldn't help but lift her hand to her chest. Her heart felt heavy as it pumped faster the further she went into the collapsing building.

Five and Lila moved through the building, silently they became more worried when they couldn't hear or see the blind girl anymore. The worse part had to be the glowing cracks on the wall forming on the ground and walls. Almost as if leading them to where they needed to be.

As Five walked through the door he gasped at the sight, "Jesus christ Bird, what is happening with you?" He asked walking towards her, pulling her arm so he could see her face.

"I feel fine," she said, "But I think I found what you were looking for," she added looking back at the door.

The time traveler sighed as started sweating, reaching his shoulder and beginning to scratch the feeling. The feeling felt all too familiar.

As Lila got denied access to the room she looked back at the two behind her, "Jesus you're sweating like a dodgy shrimp," she motioned to Five squirming with the collar of his shirt, "And you are spiraling Firebird, your red is everywhere."

Five rolled his eyes at the statement, he had an idea of what was wrong but he didn't want to believe it. Instead, he moved forward to try and scan his own eye through the device.

"Y'know if it doesn't open, I can always blast it open," Phoenix offered.

Lila laughed, "Firebird you can't see around you right now, but you are already causing something to collapse," she answered her arm over her shoulder.

The large mechanical door chimed, "Access Granted," the female voice called.

The three watching—Phoenix felt—the large door slide open to reveal a large room with marble walls, with smoke falling from its' sides.

"Well this room is big," the purple-haired girl called out walking directly to the small table with liquor, "Nice to know dear Five is granted here."

"That's him huh," he paused to put the book down, "The Founder," he sighed, walking to follow Lila who was watching the man in the glass.

Phoenix followed close behind with a whole bottle, "It's odd," she simply said taking a swing of the drink.

Five furrowed his eyebrows from the odd words coming from the blind girl. The sight of the old man confused him even more, "It can't be," he paused.

Lila rose a brow, "What's wrong?"

The teen paused as he continued to theorize why he was there, "It's me."

Lila began laughing as the purple-haired girl spit out her drink.

The purple-haired girl wiped her mouth, "You're telling me this old fossil is you? The founder of this place? Your employees sent to kill me for years?" she rambled as she joined Lila in her laugh.

Oh, the irony.

"No way," Lila cackled, "This whole time you've been complaining about the Commission, and you're the one who founded it. Classic!"

"If I did, I have no memory of it," he replied still confused about what was happening. If this man founded it, wouldn't Eight be a part of it also? He refused to do anything without her by his side. So why wasn't she here?

Taking a swing of her drink Phoenix snapped her fingers, "You know what's weird," she mentioned and paused stomping her foot, "I've never forgotten anyone I've met, and this fossil is one of them," she said then looking ahead.

Five snapped his head toward her, "You mean me? I'm the sam—"

The girl lifted her finger to cover his mouth, "—You may be the same, but at the very same time you aren't."

He smacked her hand away from his face, "The only reason I know it's me is because of Paradox Psychosis, but in here I can't feel it."

There was silence for a while before a breathy low voice spoke, "We were never too bright were we?" the voice began, eyes opening to glance over at the three, "The operations bunker is paradox-proof. I constructed it as a panic room in case of a collapse in the time continuum. In this room, all permutations of yourself can exist. You must be here because of um Kugelblitz."

At his words the girl swallowed another dunk of liquor, "Shit," she muttered.

"What is that cheese?" Lila asked confused.

Five flickered his eyes to Phoenix at her response then back at the old man, "It's German for 'ball of lightning,' it's an extra kinky kind of black hole."

Lila frowned, "The kind that can suck up entire timelines," she mumbled glancing at the old man.

"Bingo," the man muttered.

Five sighed, "So, how do we fix it?"

That's when Phoenix remembered him, "You don't," she answered for an old man.

In her youth not only had she been visited by Eight Hargreeves herself, warning her about what was to come. But years later, Five Hargreeves the very man came to tell her one mission. Do not help me when the day comes. Let the Kugelblitz take it all.

Five's eye twitched at the response, "What do you mean by that?" he hissed towards her, "And you created this, so you must have a solution," he finished glaring at his older self.

And in harmony, the two chanted, "All that will be left is oblivion," they whispered.

The time traveler didn't like this one bit, why did Phoenix out of all people know what was happening? Was she a part of this? Could she be the answer to repair the timelines? He didn't listen when Lila asked, as his eyes were training on the purple-haired girl who looked ahead.

Bumping into something the case opened and showed his missing arm and tattoo on his chest, "This is what you have coming," he said.

"Listen to me, you ass. I have no idea what you told Birdy here, but I just spend the last 20 days running around saving the world from apocalypses, only to keep trying to save the world. My wife die at the hands of my adoptive father. I'm stuck in a teen body, hormones raging," he muttered angrily at the old man, "And all I wanna do is go out and buy a 1970's Corvette Stingray."

"Five I'd take it easy on the old man," Phoenix tried to say calmly, moving her hand to his shoulder.

But his crazy eyes blared at her, "Bird this is between me and myself, it's bad enough you look like my wife, so shut up," he hissed and look back at the man, "Now, this Kugelblitz, it is not some tiny leak that we can simply fix by patching a couple of pinholes. It is a giant trash compactor that is grinding up the universe and consuming it whole," he continued to slowly hiss into the face of Older Five, "So tell me..how do you stop it!" he pushed out harshly.

Older Five paused and looked over to Pheonix, the girl with the circular glasses covering her eyes, "Whatever you do," he began but choked for a minute, "don't save the world," he finished his eyes rolling to the back of his head.

The purple-haired girl clicked her tongue, "Well his heartrate is gone, I'm assuming he's dead?"

But that obviously didn't register with the teen beside her, "Five!" How do I fix this?!" he yelled hoping that the man wasn't actually dead.

"Again, no heartbeat, I have extremely good hearing, I would know," she added with a huff.

The teen had a confused look on his face, he didn't know what to feel at the moment. Everything about what was happening felt like a lie. This couldn't be happening, he was supposed to fix the timeline, and get his wife back. Not just for himself but for all of his family as well.

Sighing and shaking his head at the dead man, he glanced at the woman in the room, "Can I have the room?"

Phoenix frowned, "I don't really think it's a good idea—"

The teen closed his eyes, "Bird, please, just listen to me this once," he asked looking in her general direction.

The girl scoffed and waved her hand, "I'm leaving on my own accord, not because you told me to," she added grabbing Lila's hand on the way out.

But as she stepped out her head began to throb. Letting out a sharp breath she fell to the floor the ground shaking and trembling as she did.

Her surroundings all shifted and she saw herself younger self by the ocean. In her old school uniform, and behind her stood a tall man in a suit.

#the umbrella academy #five hargreeves #aidan gallagher #five hargreaves x reader #five hargreeves x oc

10 notes · View notes

rrcenic · 1 year ago

Note

HI NIC I'M GOING TO GO WILD WITH THE QUESTIONS so feel free to skip this in case it's overwhelming or anything! favorite books? favorite music genre, song, and artists? favorite season and month? do you prefer cats or dogs (or neither, or both!) what are your hobbies? what's your favorite show? what is your least favorite show because it didn't meet your expectations? who is your favorite character in every fandom you're in? what headcanons do you have for your favorite characters? CAN I HEAR MORE ABOUT YOUR LOTF OC IF YOU HAVE MORE CONTENT OF HIM? (sorry i just adore him!)

KUNI ILY THANK YOU SO MUCH

favorite books: lord of the flies, les mis, good omens, enders game, and the house on the cerulean sea

favorite music genre: i like indie soft punk, anarchist early 2000s rock, and musical theatre!!

favorite artists: i adore green day, death cab for cutie, queen, aaron tveit, ben platt, mccafferty, marina, lincoln, cavetown, ricky montgomery, and penelope scott!

favorite songs: good old fashioned lover boy, riptide, trees, be nice to me, lotta true crime, american idiot, basket case, my heart is buried in venice, line without a hook, boys will be bugs, paul, twin size mattress, drink with me, stars, are you satisfied, i will follow you into the dark, the village, and so many more!!!

favorite season: late fall/early winter

cats or dogs: dogs i guess!! i love both but i’ve always been more of a dog guy

hobbies: art!! drawing, painting, sculpting, writing, singing, acting, etc

favorite show: GOOD OMENS!!! i also enjoy our flag means death, the umbrella academy, and the simpsons

least favorite show: not a tv show, but south pacific (the movie/musical). the ending is so wild and sudden and poorly done!

favorite characters for each fandom: aziraphale (good omens), simon (lord of the flies), grantaire (les mis), alai (enders game), lucius (ofmd), five hargreeves (umbrella academy)

character headcanons:

lotf:

simon survived his wounds on the island, and was secretly cared for by roger (not really “cared” for, just “kept alive”). however, he is left partially paralyzed in one leg and has chronic pain because of it. when they return to civilization, he uses a mobility aid

the choir doubles as their schools honorary gsa

jack is openly trans and jokingly blames transphobia whenever he doesn��t get his way. this infuriates piggy

simons guilty pleasure is fast food. he has strong opinions about what makes a good french fry

maurice makes british jokes and sam has to gently remind him that they are all in fact british

good omens:

crowley has trouble seeing because of his snake eyes. he misses the stars dearly. once, aziraphale brought him to an observatory on the top of a mountain and crowley cried because the stars were just bright enough for him to see

crowley also gets excited whenever humans discover new telescopes or ways to take pictures of other galaxies because it means people are getting closer to seeing more of his creations

aziraphale invented macadamia nuts (reasons: they’re buttery and soft and light and are really nice to bite and i like them)

les mis:

grantaire makes music. 3 am guitar recordings and random voice memos of lyric ideas. most are about enjolras

as a smart person and a victim of police brutality, valjean is a firm acab believer. he likes giving large anonymous locations to the les amis

marius is the token straight friend, even though he himself is a trans man. there’s such a lack of cishet folks in their friend group that the token straight is literally queer

enjolras is terribly allergic to cats but pets grantaires pet cat anyway. he suffers constantly

other hcs about my lotf oc: he likes swimming but hates the feeling of dried salt water on his body, he likes to paint his nails, he chews his hair and nails when he’s nervous (someone needs to introduce this boy to oral stim toys), and his favorite color is baby blue!

again, thank you so much for the asks!!! <333

#nic answers #kunfire #lord #good omens #les mis

13 notes · View notes

cold--carnage · 1 year ago

Text

alright. this is Dean Winchester's little Carnage Collective status report. putting it under a cut because it's probably gonna be long and disorganized, but this is my little report on what I've noticed, things that seem significant to me, and general system info.

so we don't know exactly when Seb's earliest alters formed, but we consider the birth of our system to be when I split, which was somewhere around the end of August. I had been conscious alongside Seb for weeks leading up to that, but he didn't realize I was more than just an imaginary friend lol. Seb is missing entire chunks of his memories, especially in early childhood.

we seem to be fictive and non-human heavy. not sure why, that's just how it is. Sebastian himself doesn't even consider himself human anymore. as of this post we have Sebastian (vampiric fallen angel), Dean Winchester (human, Supernatural introject), Party Poison (human, Killjoys introject), Mercy/Massacre (angelic being), Karma (cyborg), Connor (android, Detroit: Become Human introject), Klaus Hargreeves (human, Umbrella Academy introject) and Zachariel (angelic cat being). as of right now, most of our members are not really interested in fronting since there's been so much stress lately. our most active people right now are me, Poison and Klaus. everyone in the system is some kind of gay, trans or acespec. those of us who have set ages all seem to be close to young adulthood (although I'm a little older, closer to 30). something that almost all of us have in common is a fear of being alone. I assume this is related to Seb's past. but for this reason, we usually have at least two people up so we don't get lonely.

almost all of us (or at least those who are more active in the front and interact with the world) have personal items that we've dug up from Seb's stuff and claimed as our own. we refer to them as totems. examples include my clothes and jewelry, Connor's coin, Poison's pants, etc. pretty much everything else is shared, because luckily we all get along.

we seem to have attachments to the music that was being played in the days leading up to each of us forming, and of course our tastes in music vary anyway. some of us have little to no interest in music or media in general, and some of us have personal anthems or playlists that we sometimes use to help ground ourselves.

I have access to almost all of Seb's memories, or at least the ones he could recall. because of this I'm able to kinda give new headmates a sort of mental tour so we're all a little more familiar with the life we've been thrown into. helps us blend in better when we interact with people who don't know we're a system because we can just pretend to be Seb. some of us have source memories as well, and some of us have source trauma that's completely separate from Seb's. sometimes we'll have memory gaps (or something, not good at proper system terms yet) but the beauty of us using tumblr is that we can scroll through each other's blogs to catch up on what's happening and all stay somewhat on the same page. we rely heavily on this platform for our self expression, which is why we all have separate blogs instead of sharing one (if you aren't following them, I suggest that you do. all tagged in the pinned post).

our innerworld or headspace or whatever is still a little abstract. sometimes it's pretty much just a void or foggy expanse. sometimes we can see the front room as if it's an actual room. the interior and furniture seems to take after the Phantomhive house from Black Butler, which is interesting considering none of us are from that source. there's also a large fish tank which appeared alongside Connor. for the first while when it was just Seb and I, our innerworld took the form of my Impala, and we still use a lot of car metaphors and terminology to describe our positions in the system and fronting and all that. we can hear each other's actual voices and see each other's actual forms on the inside, which is also really cool. tallest member is Mercy, at roughly 8 and a half feet, and our smallest is Zach, who is around 4 and a half feet. those of us who are fictives are pretty much identical to our source appearances, with a few minor differences like slight differences in height or minor physical attributes.

roles are still being sorted out. Poison and I seem to be gatekeepers, as we can both somewhat control who fronts. Connor and Zach are not actual children, but we consider them littles to some degree just because of their personalities. Mercy formed as a caretaker for me, but throughout the fallout of our little cut and run situation, she kinda turned into a creature of vengeance. she and Karma are both like that. angry on behalf of Seb or the system, and violent towards those who are responsible for our trauma.

our name, Carnage, came from Seb's old tumblr URL, and we've adopted the anatomical heart as our little symbol.

I personally find it extremely interesting that Seb's eating disorder (which we are trying to recover the body from) did not carry over to any of us. the body is used to eating badly, but none of us besides Seb have a conscious desire to engage in any disordered eating behaviors.

all in all, so far we seem to be pretty good. or at least it's not too hard to handle. some days are rougher, but we lean on each other and our friends here for support. we're very fortunate that everyone gets along and cooperates. Poison and I have become leaders (he calls us the parents of the system lol) and everyone seems to respect our leadership. Sebastian is unfortunately still dormant, although we catch bits of influence from him here and there, so we at least know he's still in here somewhere.

#🫀.words #🥃.dean #sorry this is so long lol #i like making notes and gathering lore #🫀.system info

6 notes · View notes

27-royal-teas · 1 year ago

Text

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was tagged for this by @shark-myths: thank you so much for the tag, i had a lot of fun with this!! <33

tagging: @luckyfinn72, @spirallingstarcases, @abovetherainandroses, @vampylily :) no pressure, just for fun!

******

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

Only 10, but im definitely gonna increase that number if possible lol

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

34,287. I mostly write really short oneshots but im working on a few chaptered fics that i plan on finishing in the (hopefully near) future

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Fall Out Boy currently, I’ve written a few All Time Low fics (and im hoping to write more). I used to write a LOT in the umbrella academy fandom, but none of my fics from there are on ao3– and im not too inclined to share them since they were written years ago. I’ve dabbled in a few more fandoms between then and now (pjo, omori, etc) but fob is the first fandom that’s stuck with me in a while.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

In order:

better off as lovers (and not the other way around)

my heart is on my sleeve

burn it up all night

chekov’s cat

(we’re) falling apart to triple time

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I do!!! I try to, at least- i love getting comments so much, they make me so happy. I hoard them like a dragon. I personally love it when authors respond to my comments— it means that they liked what i thought. I like knowing that i can touch people in some kind of way. so it makes me really happy when i can do that for others

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don’t really write much angst— i used to ONLY write angst but now i write mainly fluff with happy endings. planning on some darker stuff later, though. I haven’t written angst in like two years but I guess I’d say the angstiest fic i have- on ao3, anyway- is prrrrrobably burn it up all night.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

well, everything else, I guess. i really like the ending of chekov’s cat— not only did i have fun writing it but it’s kind of a very open ending.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope. I hope to maintain that nope but whatever happens happens

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do not. I’m a minor so i feel kind of uncomfortable writing it but I’m not bothered reading it as long as it’s not too hardcore porn

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

I haven’t written a crossover yet, but I have some ideas for some good ones.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Nope, not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Also nope, but if someone asked me to I’d definitely say yes! the fact that someone liked your fic enough to translate it into their own language or interpretation is really like, the hugest compliment ever.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Actually, I have, several times— the first fic I wrote ever was actually co-written with my friend. we were in middle school. It was a wings of fire self insert, because we were hilariously cringe. ive also co-written some umbrella academy with my best friend— she was the one who got me into fic writing for real, I owe her everything! and I hope to collaborate with @luckyfinn72 at some point in the near future— we’ve been talking about doing a collab on an ATL fic.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

oh boy uhh. I don’t really know, actually. I write a lot of peterick but I feel like I can’t say that they’re my favorite— because they’re not. I love to write their dynamic because it’s a lot of fun, but I feel like ultimately I don’t really have a favorite; ships I get invested in come and go frequently.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

In 2020, I began writing this story called Run, Boy, Run. It was a five hargreeves tua angst fic about five’s time in the apocalypse. I liked it a lot at the time, and I always wanted to finish it, but I never got around to it, and whenever I go to the doc I don’t know what to say. So I don’t think I’m going to finish it now, but I really wish I had back when I was more active in the fandom. it’s posted on my FIRST first blog, back before I made @blurrycow, but i don’t remember the url much less where the fic is.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Hm. I’m still kind of new to fic writing, in terms of everything— I only really started writing two years ago, and I only started posting this year. I’m improving, and I’m getting better, but I feel like there’s not much I can pin down as a definite strength at the moment. I guess I’m pretty good at dialogue; making it feel natural.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

FINISHING A FIC. god. I SUCK at finishing stuff. I have twelve unfinished wips open on my chromebook as we speak. I’m not consistent in my writing style, I change tenses a lot, I’m lacking in writing feelings and descriptors, I’m bad at keeping the careful balance between dialogue and action. To be honest— I’m not a good writer. But I’m getting better, and I’m still young and also generally pretty new to fandom, so ive got all the time in the world to make it better.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I’ve considered it but I feel like itd come out unnatural or sounding dumb. I don’t want someone fluent in the language to be like ‘they wouldn’t fucking say that’ either, so there’s that

19. First fandom you wrote for?

wings of fire, the one fic i wrote with my friend in middle school. also, before i learned abt ao3 i handwrote a 30 page splatoon self insert fanfic that i keep in a folder in my closet

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

I don’t know. Usually I just post them when they’re done whether i like them or not because at least they’re done, right? My most kudosed fics are not my favorites. i guess i really like chekov’s cat. I had a lot of fun with the plot of that one.

#toby speaks #tag game #this was so lovely to recieve thank you!! :)

4 notes · View notes

downbythebaynotbae · 2 years ago

Text

I had a dream that I was in the Umbrella Academy Universe and my power was Literally Cat Girl. Cat ears (as well as regular human ears), cat eyes, claws, and a tail with like every cat stereotype rolled into one person. Super flexible, able to jump high and land on my feet, better sight in the dark as well as see ghosts, nine lives. But also sleeping all the time and knocking things over for fun. Anyway one of the many powers the cat girl had was Luck. She (I) was able to give people her luck or take luck away from someone and give it to herself.

So in the house with the Hargreeves she goes “I’ve never been in a room with so much good luck and bad luck at the same time! All of you should be dead and have died and yet you’re still alive. It’s like you’re luck is so bad it somehow goes all the way back around to good again.”

#the umberella academy #I feel like she was kind of like a Black Cat from SpiderMan but at the same time so much more #maybe a little Domino too #of course her and Kluas caused lots of chaos #there was also a fight scene with the song It’s Raining Men playing #dreams

0 notes

equationsoff · 4 months ago

Text

" the handler tried to send me there after i was taken from the apocalypse. thought i needed reintegrating with humanity. then again a feral temporal assassin is not exactly a bad thing if they follow orders. it was mainly to make sure we weren't thinking of turning on the commission. " which had been bullshit as five had turned on them anyway. had known how to play the game. forty-five years of solitude had not eroded away his ability to win in a game of cat and mouse. no therapist could touch the trauma of a hargreeves.

it did indeed make for alcoholics but it isn't a complaint five finds he cares about. out of all the vices to grip him by the throat at least alcohol is self destructive. klaus had always found a way to make his vices everyone else's problem. he flips her off but there's no real heat to it. " it's the strangest thing but despite the betrayals, physical violence, back to back apocalypses and even a time reversal to save all your ungrateful asses i still would not want to leave any of them. and you, surprisingly. this family grade bullshit is what i fought so hard to get back to. "

❝ We used to have a therapist employed at the Commission. Any time a mission went wrong or someone seemed like they had a screw loose in their head, we were sent to talk to them. It did fuck all, really. I'm a time-traveling assassin who watched my parents get killed. A therapist was not equipped to deal with that. ❞ Lila shook her head to herself, finding it humorous that they even had a therapist working with their human resources department. After everything she had done, after everything Five had seen and done, he was right. There was nobody qualified.

❝ Alcohol makes for alcoholics. You could have a day off if you really wanted it. Just zip yourself to an island in the sun somewhere nobody can find it. I can't prove it, but I don't think that would cause an apocalypse. ❞ Brown eyes looked him over and she hummed as she thought about it. ❝ On second thought, maybe not risk it. ❞

#untilthcyrot #☂ ⇆ ( i know i’m better | tua | )

8 notes · View notes

in-tua-deep · 4 years ago

Note

Oooooo the red bock au sounds so interesting! Does Five caught himself thinking of his brothers just as numbers and weapons like Reginald talks in his book? Does he read Vanya book to remind himself that they are still human even though he reads it through lens of someone hurt by them all? And I feel like the handler would know either way about the books but o it's so much fun to see five being paranoid

I think having both books and both perspectives reminds Five that... he’s getting some very biased accounts of his own siblings. I think that when he’s still young, he writes down as many memories as he can remember because... he starts to forget, at some point.

Vanya’s book talks about how volatile Diego and Luther’s relationship is, and so Five writes down the time Luther and Diego teamed up to toss Five off a balcony when Five kept switching the pens in their hands with pipe cleaners during a lesson (and he will maintain until his dying day that he was just practicing his control, c’mon guys!)

when Reginald’s notes call Allison an “insufferable, narcissistic creature,” Five remembers Allison bribing him to cause trouble and distract Reginald so that she could use the microwave unobserved to heat up some water bottles as makeshift heat packs for Luther’s sore muscles

when Vanya calls Ben “easily manipulated,” Five recalls Ben arguing theories with him at 2am after one of Ben’s training sessions where Ben almost flipped his bed when Five jokingly suggested that he could use the horror’s tentacles to bounce up and down like a pogo stick before Ben tackled him and tried to beat Five to death with an encyclopedia of sea creatures (affectionately)

I think having Reginald’s journal actually helps in a lot of ways, because Five automatically autocorrects literally all of Reginald’s thoughts to be like, mostly inaccurate and much harsher than they need to be. So when he reads Vanya’s journal he also autocorrects and is able to recognize that it is a very biased and somewhat harsh view of his siblings

(he doesn’t distrust them as much as he does in canon, with only Vanya’s harsh words to cling to with no reminder that they were all raised by a man capable of unfathomable cruelty, no reminder that authors can be oh so biased)

outside of his equations, there’s notes to himself written in the margins of Vanya’s book. Sometimes they’re just small, pointing out that Klaus had fought to include Vanya in trap week (Klaus then proceeded to team up with her and managed to catch Five in a snare - he actually still has a scar around his ankle from his upsidedown thrashing before he managed to steal one of Diego’s knives to cut himself down) or pointing out that Luther’s chilly attitude when they were ten was probably the result of Vanya outperforming him in every standardized test they took because of Luther’s ridiculous inferiority-superiority complex

at the very least he has comparison, because Reginald’s book calls Klaus an absolute failure while Vanya’s book called him “sweet, as a child at least”

As for the Handler... she’s aware that he has Vanya’s book and a red notebook, but I don’t think she actually knows what’s in the red notebook! Reginald was notoriously secretive, after all

So the Handler assumes that the red notebook is where Five keeps his time travel equations because aw, he hasn’t given up! how cute!

She makes an assumption that, logically, makes sense. Of course Five is still trying to figure out time travel, no matter how much he denies it! Of course he’s writing the equations down! What a silly boy, thinking that he could hide this from her, of course she knows about his little plans to save his siblings ;3c

And because she’s so powerful and knowledgeable and one step ahead all the time, she makes an assumption and assumes that it is fact. Because she’s so smart, of course she isn’t wrong! She’s had Five clocked from day one!

(The Handler thinks she has Five all figured out, a creature so based in sentiment. Why would he carry a book around that details the torture his siblings went through? He hates his father, why would he ever carry around his father’s notebook! The Handler has a fatal flaw, and it is that she doesn’t understand loyalty and sneers at sentiment and those are two of Five’s most powerful driving factors. Five lives for his siblings and would die for his siblings, almost his entire life has been dedicated to saving them. Not the world, just his family.)

(She understands that Five considers his family to be exceptionally valuable, but doesn’t comprehend that Five is 100% willing to die for them should it come down to it. Why on earth would anyone value something like siblings over their own life? Absurd. I genuinely believe that the Handler thinks she could get Five to betray his siblings with the right leverage, and so she fundamentally does not understand Five as a person)

To be fair to the Handler, the whole academy’s morals and just. completely and utterly fucked. Luther condemns the murder of innocent civilians even if it would save the planet but doesn’t blink an eye at killing the ‘bad guy’ Commission agents. Diego stabs criminals as a pastime while still holding himself at a moral high ground for saving people, despite the fact that too many criminals are forced into crime by unfair circumstances. Allison used her powers to bolster her career without even blinking but now refuses to use her powers at all because of the manipulation of one (1) child, not even against ‘bad guys.’

I mean. Vanya wrote an entire salt book without consulting her siblings that had lasting impacts on at least one of her sibling’s career in the public eye and potentially impacting her siblings relationships with everyone who had every read the spark notes on her book, without the opportunity for reprisal. Publishing your entire family’s dirty laundry as personal emotional catharsis is... kind of a dick mood, lets be real. Especially when you were all abused children raised in an environment of excessive violence and rigid structure.

Like yeah, of course Allison is good at manipulation and lying - she grew up with an abusive and over-controlling father. She probably lied as easily as breathing about where she’d been, who she was with, what she was doing, etc. The only privacy they got in that household was what they seized with their own hands and carved out for themselves! Is it fair to say that Allison’s superpower is dishonestly?

Is it fair to say that Klaus got crueler as he grew? He was tortured and turned to drugs as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and then he sat down at a table and looked at all the other little kiddies who did not get locked into a crypt overnight. In fact, there was one child who never got any extra training at all! Can you imagine the jealousy? The bitterness? Klaus might have been exceptionally cruel to Vanya as a teenager, she had everything he wanted and dared to complain about it. Can you imagine listening to someone wistfully wish they could join in on missions when you know that the cost for doing so has been carved out of your soul?

My point is, none of these little bitches have anything that resembles a sane moral compass. They’re unpredictable as fuck! It’s like herding cats! You never know what they’re going to do next! Oh? Are they going to investigate in any logical pattern? No, because Diego just remembered Patch exists and helping her print flyers for the annual police ball is more important than saving the world or whatever lol

Luther is over there investigating the moon! The moon! Meanwhile Allison is breaking and entering her sister’s student’s house because she got shady vibes off of him one time and she has never heard of a proportionate action in her life.

Meanwhile Vanya is going through the phone book trying to call up psychiatrists who have any familiarity with whatever fucked up meds Dad put her on because like, she would like to Not Be On Them (fuck you dad) but also understands that danger of quitting cold turkey something you have been taking for years and would like a professional opinion on how to safely decrease and eventually eliminate her usage, thanks (Klaus is hanging over her shoulder pointing out the ones who will sell you non-prescription drugs for a price and Vanya mentally crosses those ones off of her list to call)

Five is probably joining on the breaking and entering because Allison promised she would sweet talk to eye dude if he did her this solid

(Five complains at length about how investigating the apocalypse should not be a solid because she would 100% die as well if the apocalypse came to pass)

#the red book au #plus like. some thoughts and opinions lmao #look Vanya's book was healing and cathartic for her #does that mean it should have been published?#FUCK NO #it's biased as all fuck for starters and could genuinely impact her siblings jobs and relationships #anyway the hargreeves are all cats #they do their own thing regardless of what they should be doing #their orders of priorities are fucked tbh #what do you mean vanya's job isn't equally as important as saving the world?#she has to pay rent somehow five !!#klaus is down to go threaten a seedy dude but can they investigate dad's will after pretty please?#maybe there's a clue! or numbers about inheritance!#if dad disowned them then diego is forging the will tbh #not because he wants the bastard's money but it's the PRINCIPLE of the thing #Anonymous #long post #far tua long

141 notes · View notes

angelicamerlinbarnes · 3 years ago

Text

“You got me… money for Christmas?” Klaus asks in disbelief, his eyes wide as he stares at the roll of green in his hand. Five shrugs and takes a sip from his coffee.

“Yeah. Real presents were too much work.”

Allison shakes her head from under Luther’s arm. “Vanya, take that from him, you know Klaus can’t have money.”

Vanya reaches for the roll, Klaus obediently handing it over, when Diego shakes his head, his arm behind Klaus on the couch.

“No, no. Let him keep it.”

The siblings give him a confused look. Klaus is staring at him with those giant, glittering green eyes. Diego smiles at him, his gaze soft.

“I wanna see what he spends it on now that he’s sober.”

Klaus flushes bright red. The room erupts into chaos with questions and chatter, their family claiming for answers about this supposed sobriety. Klaus stares at Diego with his lips parted, his one-year-sober chip rattling in his pocket.

“Really?” he asks. Diego reaches up to cup his cheek, guiding Klaus’ mouth close enough to kiss, one, two, three times.

“Yeah, baby,” he murmurs, his eyes twinkling. “I trust you.”

18 notes · View notes

copadjacent · 1 year ago

Text

Charlotte puzzles over his fist before giving it a delighted tap with her own. She's beaming, practically glowing with delight; she clearly knows when she has someone wrapped around her finger. "Okay!" she chirps, and without waiting for any more explanation, or to even see if Klaus follows through, she bolts straight through the shelves in a b-line for the doors. A woman contemplating a bag of trailmix shivers as the child passes through her, both equally unaware of the other.

Patrick has not moved from the frozen foods aisle. He still has not decided on a TV dinner, or if he'll even have one at all. He half-considers one of the single-serving miniature cheesecakes. Angela had always been fond of cherry.

In the end, and only because he notices a trucker has sideled up to him, waiting, Patrick chooses a frozen pasta dinner. The chicken will surely taste like cardboard, the noodles overdone, and the alfredo will certainly call for salt, but flavor isn't the focus tonight anyway. It's calories and it will be warm. That's enough.

Patrick makes his way back to the front of the store in a daze. Still, out of long-built habit, his attention casts around. The old woman in the grey sweater's husband recently died. The man in the leather jacket has a cat. The scrawny college kid plays a stringed instrument, likely cello or violin, and has either just come back from a vacation to Mexico or knows someone who has (Patrick would be willing to bet on the former, though). All this he picks up in less than a minute, casually sorting through visual information with all the boredom of someone poking through their waste basket in hopes of finding something interesting. A missing letter from a loved one, a forgotten winning lottery ticket, a coupon for a favorite restaurant thrown out prematurely...

...An annoying so-called "medium" with a past addiction problem.

Immediately, Patrick's head starts to throb. Despite what past history Patrick could glean from Klaus (he had not cared to research him online), Klaus had seemed harmless enough when they first met. An irritating fraud that appeared to believe his own game, but... ultimately harmless, and therefore not important to remember. Patrick had not intended to keep him in his mental catalogue, but Klaus Hargreeves was, evidentally, a hard man to forget.

Patrick tries not to catch his eye as he approaches the register. Tonight could not be a worse night to be bothered.

But Charlotte is peeking through the door now, looking. She's seen her daddy and spots Klaus again as well. If Ben were here, he'd be rattling in Klaus' ear about now. Get ready. He's almost to the door. This is your chance, Klaus. Don't screw this up!

Klaus winces.

Don’t alert her. Don’t let her know don’t let her know don’t let her know DON’T! Look at her neck. DON’T look at her NECK.

How many hundreds thousands of people has the medium collided with, visually, verbally, sometimes physically, who have met an untimely and violent demise?

Yet it’s always different when it’s a kid. And no one fucking knows what Klaus has to stow the moment he feels it, and keep on trudging.

He wiggles a come-hither finger at Charlotte, with a hand at his side, glancing around, hopeful of luring her to a part of the store that’s less conspicuous. But Charlotte has her own ideas, as intelligent children do, and she proceeds to point out her father.

Klaus gasps, clasps his chest and turns away quickly, feigning a violent coughing spell. He then slinks out of line, feeling the burning of a dozen or so eyes.

“Forgot somethin’,” he mumbles, then dodges behind the impulse-gift aisle. From the shelter of a column of bluetooth speakers and microwaveable egg poachers, he takes a longer look at the man he recognizes from national television and a plenitude of news reports. The Red John nemesis guy. The guy that demented monster paid back for a moment of hubris by slaughtering his wife and child.

Klaus was much younger and usually blitzed out of his mind when the story hit the news, but even he remembers vividly that butchery.

So this…is the child. That’s why the throat….ah.

Okay, Klaus. Be brave.

“I’ve diagnosed it,” he addresses the child, who, like a delicate little moth to the only light in pitch blackness, has no choice but to follow him. He clicks his tongue, and whispers conspiratorially, “Cotton candy in his ears, alright. A serious case. Charlotte? I’ve talked to your dad before. He’s….kinda skeptical of people like me. You know that word? It means he likes to ask a loooot of questions before he believes something. I’m gonna help him hear you, but when people have cotton candy ears, they’re…. ya know, kinna jumpy?”

Shocked. Wrenched. Confused. In agonies. But how do you tell that to a child who thinks she’s still alive and just wants to talk to her favorite person? Who, merciful Christ, anyone upstairs, please, doesn’t remember, wasn’t conscious long enough to feel, her death?

“So, uh…So if he looks kinda confused or scared when he sees you….don’t worry. He’ll be okay in a sec.”

He kneels and offers a fist for her to bump.

“Teamwork time. I want you to go stand right outside the door. It might be better if there aren’t a lotta people around when he sees you. I’m kinda like a human loudspeaker. I’ll boost you so the cotton blasts right outta his ears. But I gotta stay here while I do it. Mkay? You ready?”

This will probably backfire. I will probably be punched or strangled by this man. But fuck. What else am I supposed to do?

#i meant to reply to that other one first but this one grabbed me #i'll try to get to the others tonight while patrick is kicking around lol #conduitandconjurer

11 notes · View notes

undercut-mcqueer · 4 years ago

Text

just a broke college professor with a girlboss wife and lots of furry children <3

7 notes · View notes

words-writ-in-starlight · 6 years ago

Text

Y’all: I can’t believe all the Hargreeves are the same blood type, it makes no sense for all the boys to offer to donate blood to Allison.

My first practical thought: Maybe Allison is just AB+? Universal receiver type? It would make sense for them all to know each other’s blood types, they used to get shot at a lot.

My second thought, much delayed by fever: Reginald Hargreeves turned a man into a were gorilla. I am SURE they have figured out how to scrub blood for universal donation.

Fever brain, the whole time: How walk quiet in heels????

#the umbrella academy #umbrella academy #allison hargreeves #fever blogging #i mean in FAIRNESS the hargreeves are only good at anything by sheer dumb luck anyway #it's not unreasonable that their sheer dumb luck would also cover this fairly practical concern #if the 47 kids were like...created????#as some kind of army????#maybe it was intentional #that seems unlikely though #the hargreeves family motto (sans reginald) is 'god looks out for drunks cats and fools but for superpowered idiots most of all'#i love grace and pogo as examinations of what fully-aware complicity looks like #grace less so because her autonomy is under debate even by the time of the show #so everything BEFORE the show can be assumed to be mostly programmed #but pogo...pogo has free will and full cognizance of what's going on and he still tells the kids that this is how their father loves them #remind me to talk about my desire for an au where grace's 'protective' coding is just a TOUCH stronger #and it overrules her 'obedience' coding the first time one of the kids almost dies because of hargreeves #because that sounds like an interesting au

27 notes · View notes

soolarity · 2 years ago

Text

Five Hargreeves SFW Alphabet

Five Hargreeves x gn!Reader - 5.6k words

Warnings: general spoilers for season 3, mild violence, food mentions, pretty angsty stuff five went through

Summary: An alphabetic collection of Five Hargreeves headcanons before, during, and after the apocalypse with you.

Here's my Masterlist!

A/n: Another work in the same month?? what a shock! This is sort of redemption for the sheer angst of my first five fic; out of time. I had so much fun writing this! But I’m also drained because holy fuck it’s a lot of headcanons. If you do want to know more headcanons though about five, feel free to send a request or an ask in my inbox! I’ll be more than happy to write short Five headcanons because he’s just so fun to write. Anyways, enjoy and please leave comments<3

A – Affection

“how do they give or show affection?”

He would definitely be closed off and distant at first and especially around other people. It would take a long while, possibly even years to gain his affection. But once he does, he shows it through acts of service, small yet still important. Maybe he’d make you another cup of coffee or your preferred beverage, or he’d remember small details and interests about you that he’d bring up later on. He would also bring with souvenirs from wherever he goes, pushing it into your hands and grumbling that he had it and didn’t want it even though he actually bought it specifically for you. Behind doors, he would occasionally show physical affection especially when he’s stressed or jittery and needs someone to ground him to reality.

B – Beauty

“what would they find beautiful in their s/o?”

He would definitely find intellect beautiful. It doesn’t matter if you’re academically gifted or more street smarts, he would just love an s/o that is smart and knowledgeable about their passions even if it didn’t exactly align with his. Although he would appreciate it if he had someone to talk and debate about math equations and physics to, he also appreciates someone who listens to him madly rambling and add input into his ideas, no matter how relevant or not.

C – Comfort

“how would they comfort them? how would they like to be comforted?”

Five spent his entire childhood homeschooled in the academy and his adulthood in the isolating apocalypse so needless to say his empathy and comforting skills aren’t the greatest. He would be a listener, maybe not the best because he would interrupt to give (well-meant) solutions to your problems. He wouldn’t know how to act through physical comfort at first, instead he’d hover around you and sit beside you like a cat. After a long, long while he would be open to hugs but you’d usually have to initiate it. He’d grumble about how your tears would ruin his shirt but he doesn’t move away.

would have a hard time accepting comfort from others at first since he had to basically deal with the apocalypse by himself for more than 40 years and then the whole commission spiel. He gets antsy with any kind acts at first, expecting it to be fueled by a deeper nefarious motive. Once he does actually accept comfort, he’d appreciate someone who listens to him earnestly because most of the things he says sounds surreal to other people and he isn’t often taken seriously. He would be averse to physical comfort at first, nearly going to fight mode the first time he receives a hug, but later on he wouldn’t mind a hand on his shoulder or in his own hand, especially during difficult apocalypse flashbacks because it grounds him to reality.

D - Dance

“do they like to dance? how would they dance?”

Five would absolutely know how to dance, after all, Reginald forced them to learn how to formally dance in their rigorous training. Would he like to dance though? Definitely not sober, he’d have to at least be halfway through blackout drunk to even consider dancing. Or at the end of the world, seeing as how he had both at Sloane and Luther’s wedding. Once he has enough liquor in his system to make a regular person barely upright, he’d be pulling out the moves left and right. 50’s rock n’ roll, salsa, waltz, you call it he’ll dance it. Well, before he throws up from dizziness and passes out in an elevator. Outside of drunk dancing, I think he’d only dance if it’s required in the mission to blend in with the crowd or if he truly feels safe and in a sappy mood, he’d slowly sway with you once the apocalypse is finally over and his family and you are safe.

E - Excitement

“how do they act when they’re excited?”

He would vibrate at a volatile speed and a single poke to him would send him bouncing around the walls—I’m kidding. He would definitely be jittery though, bouncing his leg nonstop and grinning happily that’s slightly also unnerving due to the menacing glint in his eyes. He had lost hope countless of times during the apocalypse so he learned to stop hoping and being excited, but once he could finally be excited about something, he would stop at nothing to achieve it.

F – Future

“what are their plans in the future?”

13-year-old him would have probably planned to successfully implement time travel and become the world’s greatest professor or physicist in a prestigious university but 58-year-old Five wants nothing more than to retire. For the past 41 years, his future plans had just been to survive, figure out the equation, and go back home, he didn’t think about the rest. Now once the apocalypse is finally resolved, he’d plan to retire from it all. He’d love to travel around and do road trips with you while also nagging every time about any inconvenience like an old man (because he is). He doesn’t see himself settling down and having a child, mostly because he think’s he’s quite old to have a child and the unresolved family trauma still haunts him every time. He wouldn’t mind getting married, he’d love the tax benefits. Maybe the two of you would be the constantly traveling relatives of Claire, giving her cool presents and souvenirs from your travels together. And after a year of travelling around the world, he would want a suburban house with a picket fence and a nice wide garden. He’d have a field day gardening, planting flowers, and maybe even building a koi pond in the corner.

G – Gifts

“what gifts would they give you?”

He’d give you things you randomly said you needed or wanted some days ago and hand it over to you without a word. It could be a hobby gift or a handy item for your job or maybe something related to your interests. He’d also give you things that he likes and just pass it off as a gift even though he’d probably use it more than you would. He would also gift you acts of service like teleporting to get an item you missed or doing a chore you’ve been procrastinating to do without you asking.

H – Hold

“how would they hold you? how would they like to be held?”

He usually keeps his distance towards others, respecting their boundaries and at minimum only touching them to push or pull them in a certain direction out of frustration. He had done a lot of fucked up shit with his hands so he isn’t the type to give pats or hugs in affection. Although a scenario where he would be most likely to hold you would be if either of you were in a near-death encounter. It can be almost getting shot by commission agents or the impending apocalypse but he would roam over you with his hands, checking frantically for any injuries before holding you desperately. He’d grasp the back of your shirt tightly and slump over you in relief and desperation that you were alive and whole. After retiring from the apocalypse, there would be more fleeting touches such as a brush of hands or a protective hand on your back.

As to how he would like to be held, he definitely wouldn’t want to be treated like fragile glass. He’s a 58-year-old assassin, he doesn’t need pity or caution (or at least that’s what he’d say). Five would appreciate a solid hold, one that isn’t hesitant or scared that they might break him into pieces. He wants someone to hold him together and tether him to the ground on the occasion he jumps too far. He’d appreciate hand holding and the occasional hug when things get too much. As for cuddling, Five doesn’t have the time to cuddle in the midst of the apocalypse, but after successfully retiring without another apocalypse or the Commission hunting him down he’d be more open to the idea. The years of isolation definitely made him touch starved so the first time the two of you cuddled he’d toss and turn to adjust to the new sensation of being held. He’d like to be the big spoon but when he gets nightmares (which are frequent) he secretly craves to be the little spoon. He’d also cling to your side like a koala in his sleep with his face in the crook of your neck but vehemently denies cuddling you once he wakes up.

I – Ideal

“what’s their ideal date like?”

Due to the apocalypse, he has no time to consider planning any dates with an s/o, but after he retires, he would plan a simple yet cheesy dinner date under candle light. He doesn’t have much ideas about dating and courting due to being stuck in the apocalypse since the start of his teenagerhood but he distantly remembers having small dinner dates with his previous wife Delores whenever he’d scavenged a particularly good wine or food in the rubble. Now that he’s with you, he’d definitely struggle a bit with the whole dating thing but just give him a nudge in the right direction and he would quickly pick it up. He'd like private dates such as dinners or movie marathons at home to catch up on all the media he couldn’t enjoy before. He would be less open to public dates such as museum dates or zoo outings or pottery and painting classes, since he would always be hypervigilant and on the look out for any Commission goons despite being retired, or he’d pick a fight with the museum curator or art instructor. It's a flaw he works to fix but Five feels most at ease with only you in the safety of your home.

J – jealousy

“do they get jealous easily?”

Five would have an immense amount of trust for his s/o to the point where he’d consider you his close confidant, best friend, and partner, so he wouldn’t get jealous easily. He trusts that whoever you interact with that it’s just platonic and just in case the other person did indeed have other motives such as flirting with your or something, he would trust you to put a stop to it or walk away from it. If by chance you were oblivious to the other person’s advances, he would step in civilly and bluntly tell the other person that you’re taken, not out of jealousy but more out of concern for your safety. If by the smallest chances you actually flirt back (which is a dumb decision honestly) he would just immediately cut to the chase and tell you ‘what the fuck are you doing?’ Depending on whether it was just your accidental over friendliness or something other he would either tell you that he didn’t like it and it seemed like you were actually interested in the other person or he would break the relationship with you if you weren’t actually faithful to him.

K – Kisses

“how would they kiss you? how frequently?”

Five isn’t really comfortable with PDA so kisses weren’t frequent, especially with the threat of the apocalypse onto them. At most he’d kiss your temple or forehead quickly as a habit before turning back to whatever equations he’d be solving. Although if Five was drunk, that was a completely different story. Five is an unpredictable drunk, but most often than not he’d toss all of his pride out of the window and show affection openly to you even in front of all of his siblings. Behind closed doors, he would be more comfortable kissing you. He’d be fond of temple and forehead kisses or if you were taller than him, he would do hand kisses, especially on your palms if he was feeling extra sentimental (which was a rare occurrence).

As for you kissing him, he would turn tomato red if you ever tried to kiss him in front of others and grumble or yell in embarrassment. Don’t take it to heart though, as much as he’d love to keep up his cold and unaffectionate act around others, he’d melt into a puddle when no one’s looking.

L - Love language

“how would they show that they love you? what love language do they enjoy to receive?”

Five’s language would be acts of service. Usually, he considers his time very precious and he always tries to make the most out of everything, discarding anything else that wasn’t relevant to his mission. For you though he would take time out of his day to check up on you and your well-being, especially in grueling times like running from an apocalypse. He’d also use his powers to fetch items for you and always arrive on time whenever you asked.

For receiving love language, he likes it when you spend quality time with him. It doesn’t matter if its brainstorming the next plan or frantically scribbling formulas on walls or drinking coffee in the morning in the kitchen. Five really treasures small quiet moments where there is nothing he can do but sit down with you and accompany each other in silence or soft conversation. It’s a rare break from the bumbling chaotic tornado that was his family.

M - Melt

“what are the things you do that makes them melt?”

He’s a tough person to get through and crack, but one thing that makes him melt every time is watching you fight. The reason why he would have you as an s/o in the first place is because he trusts you enough with his secrets, his heart, and his mind. He is constantly worrying about whether his family was alive or not and whether they could live beyond a few days, so seeing you fight and defend yourself puts his mind at ease and reassures him that he chose the right person to trust. Five also melts whenever he sees you interact with anyone of his siblings, whether you’re entertaining Klaus’ insane tangents, bond with Luther over his records collection or softly chatting with Viktor about anything, he adores it when you get along with his siblings and he definitely sees you as a part of the umbrella family now.

Another much more niche sight that makes his cold walls fall down and his insides uncharacteristically gooey is watching you stand in front a wall full of complex equations with your back turned from him. He doesn’t know specifically why the sight of you frowning in confusion at the lines of numbers affected him much but it took him a while to recover and stop looking at you with adoration. Although you might have not understood the complex formulas he’s written out, you try as you roam your eyes throughout the whole surface. It was like as if he exposed his entire heart and mind to you in a tangled-up ball of equations and you’re trying to untangle it, which made it even more complicated and caught you within the threads. Five often thinks back to it with a fond smile before frowning again once Klaus asks him what he’s smiling about.

N – Nickname

“what would they call you? what would they like to be called?”

Five has always been blunt in refusing any other name ever since Grace gave them ‘regular’ names when they were children. For some reason Five sticked to him and he refused to change it. He wasn’t even that hung up on the whole ranking system either, he couldn’t care less who was the leader or number 1 among them. Five just had a certain ring to it. So, he’d be generally opposed to any over-the-top nicknames like ‘baby’ or ‘sweetheart’ and hearing ‘darling’ gives him flashbacks to the Handler and he’d rather not relive the things that woman did to him. He unwillingly has nicknames from Klaus, always unamused at whatever new name the séance would create for him. Although after a long time of being with him and possibly in retirement he wouldn’t mind ‘honey’ or ‘hon’. It was sweet but not overly and he responded to it whenever you say it from a room in your shared home. Once though when you accidentally slipped up and called him honey in front of his siblings his ears turned firetruck red in embarrassment but teleported to you nevertheless. Allison and Lila never let him live it down.

O – Obvious

“how obvious would they make their love for you?”

To the untrained eye, it was subtle, almost silent. He’d casually brush arms with you or hand you an item when you asked. He’d steal glances at you but he was a trained assassin so he was sneaky. To his siblings who know him and his habits well though, it is more obvious than Five would like it to be. Diego would catch Five’s eyes sometimes lingering a bit longer than usual on you. Viktor often saw Five prepare coffee exactly for two people. Lila once barged in a room searching for Stanley to catch the two of you talking in soft voices and softer looks, she had never once seen Five so un-hostile before. The entire family watched in a mix of fondness, shock, and slight disgust (lovingly) as Five became softer and more considerate around you.

P – Pets

“would they want pets? what pets would they have?”

Five hasn’t really though about adopting a pet before because he was so preoccupied with apocalypse after apocalypse after another apocalypse. When he finally retires though, having a pet wouldn’t be his top priority but he wouldn’t be entirely against it either. He would be the type to have unusual pets such as reptiles or maybe fish (although with Carmichael, maybe not fish). In the comics, Five has a small dog named Mr. Pennycrumb so he would most likely adopt a small dog, maybe a senior dog, and it would be the exact opposite of Five. There’s just something about seeing Five, the greatest assassin in the entire timeline, with a tiny hyperactive dog that couldn’t weigh more than 18 pounds. He is neutral towards animals but he would absolutely have a soft spot for Mr. Pennycrumb and let him run around his garden even though a flower will be uprooted by the excited tornado that is Mr. Pennycrumb. Five would carry Mr. Pennycrumb often and reluctantly let him back to the ground once he realized he needed his hands to do something. A favorite past time of Mr. Pennycrumb and Five is teleport-chase where Mr. Pennycrumb would chase Five as he teleports around the house until the both of them wear each other out.

The Hargreeves family would definitely get whiplash when you bring Mr. Pennycrumb to any holiday family gatherings. Klaus would rub his eyes repeatedly, questioning whether the dog was real or another hallucination, Luther first thought it was a stray dog that randomly waltzed into the mansion and try to adopt Mr. Pennycrumb before being heavily threatened by Five. Allison would just stare in shock while Claire would adore Mr. Pennycrumb, spoiling the dog with endless pets and belly rubs.

Q – Quiet

“how are quiet moments with them?”

Quiet moments are rare when all Hargreeves siblings are gathered together, some mischief or argument would always spiral into a rambunctious event. Fortunately, Five had the power to teleport anywhere he pleases which made it much easier to sneak away from Diego and Klaus fighting over a donut and into a much calmer place. If it was outside, you and Five would sit beside each other in silence, he would drink in his surroundings, bask at the intact buildings and sulfur-free blue sky, and mostly you, alive and breathing. Indoors, he would have some sort of physical contact with you, whether it be a hug, holding hands, or laying his head on your lap. Your presence away from other prying eyes made Five more relaxed and less likely to bounce around and wear himself out by thinking too much about everything. Your scent and your touch would silence every anxious intrusive thought that dared to interrupt his moment of peace.

R – Romantic

“how romantic are they?”

Five isn’t a romantic, he doesn’t know shit about modern dating and pet names and PDA, the closest he’s ever had to romance was his previous wife Delores but she was a coping mechanism he formed to keep himself from going insane in the apocalypse, and she was a mannequin. So, Five isn’t the most romantic, sappy, sentimental person, that title goes to Luther, but he when he loves, he loves the deepest and most intensely. He wouldn’t hesitate to kill anyone for you, hell he won’t hesitate to die for you. When Five Hargreeves loves, he loves them with everything he has, even if it meant little to nothing but himself and his weary hands. He would risk everything to make sure you’re alive and safe and he wouldn’t know how to function if something happened to you. Although he isn’t the most perfect romantic partner, he would get the sun and moon and every star in the sky for the person he loves.

S – Safe

“how safe would they feel around you?”

Five was overly cautious to the point of being almost paranoid constantly and for a good reason. He had to fight ever since he was a child and endure the tortuous training from Reginald, survive by himself in an apocalypse for the other half of his life, then kill for a shady organization he had no choice but to join in. Now he was back with his family but constantly under threat of some sort of apocalypse and the Commission at the same time, he hadn’t had a second to relax and feel safe. Whenever Five was around you, as much as he’d like to say he’s comfortable around you, there is always a part of his mind overworking in the background for any threats or surprises. It would take him a while after the apocalypse to fully relax, but luckily with you by his side, he willed himself to ease into life without constantly looking behind him for a bullet or a knife. He would feel safe whenever your hand is in his, giving him comfort despite running away from enemies. He would feel safe when your arms are around him, fully trusting you not to stab him in the back like so many others did before. He would feel safe together with you in your shared home with Mr. Pennycrumb after the apocalypse. It almost felt too good to be true, almost like a dream or a figment of his imagination before you’d show him it was reality by squeezing his hand and pecking his cheek.

T – Take care

“how would they take care of you if you’re injured or sick? how would you take care of them?”

He’d immediately nag you about not taking care of yourself, which is bold considering he has been running for 45 years on nothing but caffeine, adrenaline, and sheer spite. He’d immediately wrestle you to bed, confining you until you get better and you know that there’s no way you could sneak out of the door without him immediately teleporting in front of you and bringing you back to bed arrest. Five would rush immediately to patch you up or place a cooling towel on your forehead. Even though his actions might be a bit rough, the concern and care bleeds through his actions and you don’t mind if he dabs antiseptic a little bit too hard or if he covers you with a blanket a little bit too tightly.

Due to the Hargreeves’ enhanced physiology, they rarely get sick. Oftentimes it would only be a small cough that would last less than a day but once a year they fall with the worst cold known to man. Five has it the worst, especially with how the stubbornly pushes himself to the limit until his eventual crash and burn. It would be difficult to take care of Five, he constantly tries to teleport himself out of bed until he falls from exhaustion. Luckily in retirement he has all the time in the world to recover and heal, even though you have to remind him more often than not. As a child he was picky with food whenever he was sick, often being forced to eat Grace’s chicken soup after numerous futile attempts to reject it. Now with you, Five eats whatever soup you make without hesitation, thankful that he had you to take care of himself even though he found it hard sometimes to accept it. Five would be torn in being extra clingy and wanting to cuddle with you and wanting to stay 50 miles away from you because he’d be scared that you’d catch the cold that he had and also become sick because of him. Until eventually he gives in and surrenders to the cuddling (you fall ill after a few days like how he predicted and he returns the favor of nursing you back to health).

U – Unique

“what is a trait that is unique to them?”

He is an absolute neat freak. He loves having all of his items in order and would dust everything until not a single spec of dust was left. When the Hargreeves’ visited your shared home (much to Five’s dismay), they were impressed by the sheer cleanliness and organization of the place, almost resembling an Ikea display house more than an actual lived-in home. Ever since Five was a child he was one if not the most organized of the umbrella children. His childhood room was immaculate every time, not even a single physics text book out of place. You would have assumed for it to be an adult’s room if it weren’t for the toy airplane model hung on the ceiling and the small twin sized bed. Since the apocalypse, his cleaning habits have gone to possibly concerning levels. He had to survive in a desolate apocalypse, anything sanitary or clean of rubble was a luxury Five rarely encountered. So, once he was able to retire with you and have his own home, he made sure to take care of everything and never once take the intact house for granted. The only times Five would be caught with scattered items or a messy environment was when he was under extreme stress. Five would be too preoccupied in stopping the apocalypse to care about cleaning any mess and would just start scribbling on the walls frantically. Luckily you picked up on the habit and only stocked up on washable or whiteboard markers in your home, just in case Five needed to go on another math marathon.

W – Wish

“what is their greatest wish?”

Five’s greatest wish is for his family to live long, healthy, and happy lives. It was what kept him going through all those years, to have the opportunity to warn his siblings about the future and save them from their deaths. As much as he loves to complain about his brothers or roll his eyes at his sister, he would sacrifice anything for them, and he technically already did. Five’s survival instincts were held together by the glue that was the thoughts of his family, it had been a long 41 years and it would be more than impressive if he hadn’t thought about giving up at least once, but he kept on running back against the tide of time to save the ones he loves.

X – Xmas

“how would they spend their holidays with you?”

Five’s memory of his childhood was foggy, it was impressive he even remembered bits and pieces of it considering his age and the trauma from his childhood, but Five never once remembered celebrating Christmas as a child in the Umbrella Academy. Reginald was a man (or monster) of logic and thought that holidays based off of religion and culture was unnecessary and stupid so he just remembered spending Decembers with his siblings looking wistfully at strangers decorating across the street or walking with gifts in hand.

In the apocalypse, Five had no reason to celebrate holidays, he barely even knew what day it was half of the time. He tried to keep track of time through clocks and calendars but no other calendars went beyond 2019 and most clocks were broken or eventually stopped working. Five didn’t want to waste resources celebrating alone in the apocalypse, so he eventually forgot of it entirely.

After retiring, Five had to adjust to normal life again, but not alone. You had introduced him to celebrating milestones and holidays. You made hot coco (although Five found it too sweet and swapped it out with coffee with a festive whipped cream), you watched cheesy hallmark movies, and you decorated your home. You had also convinced the Hargreeves siblings to arrange another gathering despite the horrors that might unleash having all Hargreeves siblings in the same place once more. Five and you were finally the ones decorating their house across the street and walking home with heavy bags filled to the brim with gifts. Five surprisingly was an amazing gift giver. He had a talent in knowing exactly what the other person wished for, whether the gift was an item said in a passing conversation or something useful to them. In the celebration Five was lovingly suffocated (Five’s wording) by his siblings for his gifts and most importantly his presence that brought the group together as a family.

Y – Yearn

“what do they do when they miss you?”

Five was bitterly familiar with the feeling of yearning, he had a whole 45 years to be friends with it in the apocalypse and in the Commission. He had a love-hate relationship with it, if you will. With that many years of yearning for his family and his past, Five had developed a system to overcome it. Was it a healthy one? Probably not. He would toss himself into his work, figuring out equations or assassinating targets to distract himself from the aching pain of longing. For you, Five surprisingly hasn’t had much opportunities to yearn yet. Although Five doesn’t look like he’s clingy, he most definitely is. Wherever you are, he also appears. He cannot be further than a 4-meter distance away from you. When in the rare case that he is, he tosses his entire focus onto his work and his mission again, frantically finding the quickest way back to you. Once you finally return from what you had to go to, he’d visibly slump in relief. He would casually ask you how it went before checking if you had been injured in any way, but internally he would be so relieved that he wouldn’t have to yearn for you to come back because you were back and you were with him.

Z – Zzz

“how do they sleep?”

He has two sleep modes, A. He sleeps with basically his eyes open and even the smallest noise will immediately send him to fight or flight mode, or B. He sleeps like an old man and is dead to the world until 6am when he punctually wakes up every single time.

The first sleeping habit wasn’t fully there during his academy training childhood but it fully hammered into him once he worked as the Commission’s temporal assassin. He had to be ready at any moment and never let his guard slip, but if often lead him to be more worn out and tired. In his more youthful days, he would’ve turned sloppy and could have been almost overpowered by his opponent, but now he has trained himself to work with even the smallest amount of energy just for survival.

The second sleeping habit was from when he was truly a child, before the grueling missions and training. He was always the last of the siblings to wake up and would have been the last ones to arrive at the table if it wasn’t for his teleportation abilities. After retiring it would take him a while but eventually, he started sleeping like that again. He could finally rest easy with him clinging onto you like a koala and not be woken even by Luther’s heavy footsteps. His habit of waking up precisely at 6am came from his age, (well mental not physical) he woke up exactly at the same time the sun rose.

Although he was an insomniac due to going for days without sleep to try and stop the apocalypse, now that he was retired, he had no reason to skip sleep, he had all the time in the world. He also surprisingly isn’t a night person despite his insomnia, he would much rather sleep at 9pm after reading for a bit and wake up bright and early (which is very old man of him). If you were a morning person, he’d spend a few minutes in bed with you, basking at the new sunshine before shuffling the both of you to the kitchen to prepare breakfast. If you weren’t a morning person, he would wake up first and stare at your sleeping self with so much love and adoration that Five would rather die than be caught in the act. You would wake up to an empty bed in slight panic but the smell of pancakes and the clanking of pans in the kitchen would quell your anxieties as you go to the kitchen to greet a cooking Five good morning. :)

3K notes · View notes

ohmyitsfaith · 2 years ago

Text

The sunshine and the grump

Pairing: Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves x Fem!Reader

Summary: “Hi!! I hope you're having a great day or night!,can I request a Ben hargreeves x Fem reader who's very loving and sensitive ,like she's silent and introverted with strangers but very extroverted with her loved ones and always supportive and very caring?,bonus points if she has chonky cat who's lazy and loves Ben! That's all!💓💓” -Requested by @weepingprincepeace

Warnings: Sparrow!Ben being sparrow Ben? oh, also swearing

Word count: 2k

A/n: Thank you for the request, sorry it took so long!

The first time you met Ben Hargreeves was at a store robbery. You were an unfortunate customer at the cash register when the two masked robbers came in and not only demanded to get cash from the register, but forced you and the cashier to the floor. One was holding you and the cashier back, threatening you with his gun while the other got all the cash out of the register and from your purse.

Thankfully Ben walked in right as they went to hit the two of you in the head and two tentacles got the job done, without him breaking a sweat.

“Are you okay?” Ben helped you and the cashier up, the two tentacles still holding the now unconscious robbers.

“I’m gonna call the cops” the cashier walked away on shaky legs.

You on the other hand were too scared to say anything and too shaky to walk. So instead you just nodded. Ben’s hands stayed on your waist to keep you upright, for which you were simultaneously grateful and made you blush like a schoolgirl.

“Are you hurt?” Ben asked again, wanting to make sure that you were alright.

“No” you whispered, your anxiety keeping your voice under wraps.

“What’s your name?”

“I’m… I”m Y/n” you managed to get out.

“Alright, Y/n. We’re gonna wait for the cops and then I’ll take you home, alright?”

“No” you panicked. “No, don’t.”

“Y/n, you can barely walk from the shock, I’m not gonna let you walk home.”

Ben wasn’t sure why he insisted. Or why he actually cared. He didn’t know you, he had no actual emotional attachment to you. So why? What made him care? What was so special about you?

He didn’t know. And he wouldn’t know until the next time you accidentally met.

He was at a bar with Chris and a couple of girls, just drinking and having fun. After taking you home approximately two weeks ago, he did not expect to see you again. Yet you were constantly on his mind. He didn’t know why. Maybe it was the way you would tuck your hair behind your ears. Or maybe just that you were shy and sweet. He didn’t know you that well yet, but he could tell.

So when he noticed you coming into the bar, he was shocked but happy to see you. Not like he would ever admit that… to anyone but especially you.

But he couldn’t help going over to the bar and greeting you.

“Hey” he said simply, making you turn around.

“Hey” you looked down at your hands, instantly feeling self-conscious.

“Good to see you’re okay.”

You just nodded, feeling too anxious to keep up a conversation. Truth is, it wasn’t only Ben, who was thinking about you a lot. You did as well. For some reason, the notoriously always grumpy Ben Hargreeves was nothing but kind to you and you felt compelled to understand why. Even if that was made harder by your anxiety.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” he asked, swearing to himself that this was the last time he would try to talk to you if he couldn’t get an answer out of you.

“I…” you started, mustering up all your courage, “just a coke, thanks.”

“A coke? You came to drink soda at a bar?” he asked, but ordered it for you anyway.

“Well…” you exhaled. “I usually… um… come here to just… to just be somewhere. I don’t like to drink.”

“You do you” he shrugged and handed you your coke. “Well, see you around.”

“Wait” you grabbed his wrist in a sudden burst of confidence. “You… uh… you could stay” you told him. “If you want.”

Ben’s heart fluttered in a weird way he didn’t understand. He looked at where Chris was, but quickly made a decision and sat down next to you.

That night he got to know you a little bit and even convinced you to give him your number. So it was a total success for him. And it was a total success for you too because in a long time he was the first person you could really talk to without being a stuttering, blushing mess.

Your friendship blossomed in a matter of months. Ben started being less bitchy around you and started smiling when he was with you. He learned that you were actually a chatterbox if someone really got to know you. Whenever he had a bad day, you made sure he felt better in no time. You were always excited to hear about his day or week depending on the times he managed to call. You even loved hearing about his siblings even if the thought of meeting them made you incredibly anxious. You also always supported him whenever he needed it. You never said to him to fix it himself or anything.

So was it a surprise that he fell for you? Not really. At first, it was to him, but then he thought it through and he had to admit that it really wasn’t a shock. So, after a while, he gathered all the courage he had and asked you out. And oh boy, was he happy when you accepted!

That’s when he started hanging out at your apartment. He loved being there, especially after getting to know your lazy cat C/n (cat name). He loved the cat and he loved when he would greet him with small licks. After a while, it was obvious to him that the cat loved him just as much as he loved him.

Around the second month of your relationship, Ben took you to meet his family. Of course, you were scared about meeting them, but with Ben by your side, you felt at least a little bit at ease.

“Don’t worry, they’re gonna love you” he promised, looking you in the eye as you stood before the gates.

“Okay” you breathed out, trying to calm your heart. “It’s just-”

“I know” his hand cupped your cheek. “But you have nothing to be scared of. I’m here and I’ll be here through this.”

“Thank you” you held his hand on your cheek.

Ben smiled at you and pressed a gentle and loving kiss to your lips.

“Are you ready?”

You nodded and Ben opened the front door to let you into the Sparrow Academy.

The house was huge, you saw that from only the entrance. You knew that despite everything, Ben and his family lived in great conditions. And if the entrance amazed you, then you didn’t have words for the living area. It was honestly bigger than your apartment.

Ben’s arm was around your waist as you marveled at your surroundings. And it tightened the moment he noticed his siblings looking down at the pair of you from the balcony.

“Nice of you to show up” Fei said sarcastically, which made you look up and practically shrink back into Ben at the sudden attention.

“I was busy” Ben replied.

“I can imagine” Fei was unamused.

“Who’s the pretty lady?” Jayme chimed in.

“She's my girlfriend, dipshit.”

“Jayme, play nice. She’s clearly frightened” Marcus tried to calm his siblings. “Hello. We’re Ben’s siblings. I’m Marcus, the leader. These are Fei, Jayme, Alphonso, and Chris. Sloane hasn’t arrived yet.”

“Hi” you waved shyly. ”I’m Y/n.”

“Nice to meet you” Marcus nodded.

“Yeah, you as well.”

That’s when Grace decided to come in.

“Oh, I wasn’t expecting company. I’ll make cookies!” she turned around immediately, a bright smile on her face.

“That’s Grace. She’s a robot. She cleans and cooks” Ben provided and you nodded.

That afternoon, you got to know Ben’s siblings. At first, you were shy and quiet, but as you grew more comfortable, you started talking more carefree. It was especially nice when along with the cookies, arrived Sloane, who was the nicest person ever.

“Oh, you must be Ben’s girlfriend! I’m Sloane” she greeted you with an enthusiastic hug.

“I’m Y/n” you said after she let you go.

“Sloane” Ben warned.

“Oh, don’t worry! Y/n and I will be great friends” she smiled so big, you were surprised how it didn’t hurt her.

And true to her words, you and Sloane became not only great friends but best friends. She was a bowl of sunshine and it really helped you to ease into this new situation quicker. She was always so supportive and kind, it was really refreshing.

It was a surprise to no one when on your first anniversary, Ben took you out for a nice dinner. You suspected what was gonna happen, but you let it all play out, not wanting to interfere with his plans. You didn’t take Ben as an anxious person and generally speaking, he really wasn’t. But this was a big step for you both.

“Take my hand” Ben requested.

“Why?” you asked, but lifted your hand to place it in his.

“I’m trying to ask you to marry me, so take my damn hand!” he blurted out, his nerves getting the better of him.

“Alright” you chuckled and squeezed his hand.

“Y/n, I know that I’m not the type of person to actively show my love. I’m not normal either. My life and family is a fuck up, a real challenge. But I love you. I love you from the bottom of my heart and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Because you make me a better person. So Y/n L/n, will you marry me?”

Your heart was beating in your ear and you really fucking hoped that this was not a dream. That Ben Hargreeves was really on one knee in front of you, asking you to marry him.

“Yes” you whispered, not trusting your voice.

“Yes? You really will?”

“Of course” you nodded, feeling tears running down your cheek.

Ben jumped up and pulled you in for a hug. A hug so tight it made your heart hurt with realization. This meant so much to Ben. It finally convinced him that there is someone who really loves him and cares about him.

“Thank you” you felt weird thanking him, but honestly, you were thankful.

“What for?” he pulled away slightly.

“For loving me and sticking by my side, even though it was hard at first.”

“I should thank you then. I was an asshole.”

“No” you shook your head. “From day one, you have been so kind to me. I love you.”

“I love you too” he pressed a kiss to your lips, which you reciprocated easily.

And that was something the two of you incorporated into your vows a few months later. With Fei and Sloane as your bridesmaids (Jayme refused to wear a dress, but said that she was honored) and Chris as Ben’s best man (you learned to understand him even though it was challenging at times), you got married to Ben Hargreeves.

And that meant that you and C/n moved into the Sparrow Academy. Your life changed for the better and you had Ben to thank for that. His family became yours and you knew that they’d always be there for you, just as you’d always be there for them.

Honestly, life was great. You had everything you could ever wish for. You had an amazing husband, his family, and your cat. It was usually calm at the mansion and even when it wasn’t, it didn’t cause you any problems. So everything was great. Nothing could bring your mood down, right?

The alarm blasted through the space, summoning the sparrows. They were all dressed in their uniforms, standing on the balcony as you stood beside Ben.

“Dad, who are these assholes?”

Well, maybe your life won’t be so calm now.

[Masterlist] [Next]

#ben hargreeves x reader #ben hargreeves x you #ben hargreeves x y/n #ben hargreeves #the umbrella academy x reader #the umbrella academy x you #the umbrella academy x y/n #tua x reader #tua x you #tua x y/n #the umbrella academy ben #tua ben #sparrow!ben x reader #sparrow!ben x you #sparrow!ben x y/n #sparrow!ben

1K notes · View notes

parkersbliss · 2 years ago

Note

Hello, your Five x Black cat reader was amazing so I was wondering if you would write something with prompts #40, #41, and a sprinkle of #46. Idk what else to put so have a lovely day :))))

thank you love!! here is it:

Tomorrow | F. Hargreeves

pairing: five hargreeves x gn!reader

wc; 724

warnings: s3 spoilers, but not like anything major major, angsty

synopsis: if tomorrow never comes, at least five loved you today

requests: CLOSED

prompts: 040: “why are you at my door at 3am?” 041: “I can’t stand the sight of you in someone else’s arms.” 046: “Tell me you want this too.”

Masterlist | Taglist | Prompt list

—

There was a knock at your door, causing you to groan. It’s not like you were getting much sleep anyway, but the thought of getting out of bed?

No thanks.

However, the knocking persisted. Eventually, you dragged yourself out of bed, only to hear a thud by the door. You move a little faster now, shuffling towards the door and gently opening it. “Hello?”

There was no one there.

Until you hear a weak moan from the floor. You look down to find Five fucking Hargreeves passed out drunk.

“Five?” You exclaim.

He turns his head to face you, smiling lazily. “Hey.”

You sigh, crossing your arms. “Why are you at my door at 3am?”

Five giggles and you notice the bottle of tequila still in his hand. “Because the world is about to end and… and I wanted to talk to you.”

Your face softens as you open the door the whole way, intending to let him in. However, since he’s leaning on the door, he just falls. He lets out another giggle at that, and you drag him inside your hotel room.

“Seriously, Five?” You mumble, helping to prop him up against the bed.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I just… kaboom! The world’s ending… again. And I can’t stop it.”

You sit down next to him, grabbing the bottle of tequila and taking your own sip. “Maybe that’s the way it’s supposed to be.”

“Bullshit,” He slurs. “I worked my ass off the last month for nothing! It means nothing!” He begins to laugh. You drink to that because he was honestly right. You weren’t sure you could even try to comfort the old man. After all, the world is ending. Might as well go out with a bang too.

“How ironic is it that they got married tonight?” You asked, taking another sip. “I mean… everyone’s happy and in love, and you’re right… it means nothing.”

“I hate weddings,” Five grumbles.

“Free alcohol,” You point out.

“Only good thing.”

You sit in silence a little longer, both taking turns sipping out of the bottle. How do you cope with the end of the world?

Do you accept it, or do you fight it?

At one point, you would’ve said fight it, but you were tired of fighting. Like you said, perhaps it was always supposed to be this way. What good is putting off the inevitable?

“You know what’s funnier?” Five spoke up.

By this time, you were a little tipsy too, and you raised a brow at him. “What?”

“Everyone’s fallen in love with someone, and I’m still…” He hiccups. “I’m still too much of a bastard to admit I’m in love.”

You laugh, your head falling on Five’s shoulder. “What?”

“I think I'm in love, (Y/N),” He said matter-of-factly.

“With who?”

He just sips on the tequila till he realizes it’s empty and tosses it across the room. “I’ve never loved anyone but Delores… so I thought it was just… me? Like it wasn’t real.”

“Is it real?”

Five turns to face you, and you lift your head off his shoulder. His green eyes meet yours as he frowns.

“I think it’s real.”

“How do you know?”

“Because, (Y/N), I can’t stand the sight of you in someone else’s arms.”

You’re speechless as you stare at Five. Or maybe you’re just really drunk and can’t actually process anything. “Me?” You asked quietly.

Five nods, “I’m in love with you.”

You blink and shake your head. “You’re drunk.”

You move away from him, scared that he was lying and when you woke up to your last day on earth, nothing will have changed.

“No!” Five protests. “No, no. I’m drunk, but I mean it.”

“Do you?” You press, afraid of what’s to come.

“Please,” Five said softly. “Tell me you want this too.”

You don’t move any further. “The world ends tomorrow, you know?”

Five chuckles, a hand falling to your waist and the other cupping your face. “I know. But we might as well join the bandwagon of last-minute romances, right?”

“Yeah,” You said with a small smile. “I guess we should.”

“Do you wanna be happy and in love if it means nothing tomorrow night?”

You press your forehead to his, feeling the tears form in your eyes.

“Yes.”

— END —

🏷 five taglist: @clearbasementvoid @halfumbrella @esmedith @navs-bhat @alexxavicry @3ternalreal1ty

1K notes · View notes

m4nd0l0r · 2 years ago

Text

More Five Hargreeves Headcanons (That are very much Canon to me)

Description: This are all definitely real! PROOF: I am Five Hargreeves’ Emergency Axe that he talks to rather than Delores (100% REAL!!!)

Author’s note: ah yes.. five x reader headcanons along with my most fav headcanon of all time: transmasc five 💪💪 im battling writer��s block again this is so slay of me (no it’s not) (this month was so trash and this is my compensation for me being M.I.A. SKKSKS) (anyway if you don’t like the idea of five being transmasc… respectfully scroll and don’t say anything pls!! no negativity here!!) (and we know the drill- five is aged up to whatever any of you are comfy w!!) (also tysm for 175 followers??? holy shit??? i appreciate it sm wtf 😭😭🫶)

Five Taglist: @ells-graveyard @noahspector @aelinismyqueen @fivelegance @ne0boss @twauna00 @placidpluto @eichenhouseproperty @heartsforsuyin @ghostlywavelengths @ghostlycherryblossomwonderland @seconds-not-decades @coolcatlover4 @emotionally-unstabel @peachy-wolfhard @its-lokilocked @raven-fandomtrash @theilliterateskankula @magicstrange @venusrambles @whereintheworldisspencerreid @honeycombdumbass @kazuive @oscarisaacsleftballsack @zenithinthebin @peachteeaaa @rchaoz @wickedmystery @wordsandnerds @umbrellatte @666abby6666 @iameddiemunsonshair @starlightinhumanform @vennythearsonist @trashmouthsahra @crinklypink @halfumbrella @wifeofcamillamacaulay (if you want to be removed/added, pls tell me via pm!!)

Disclaimer: I am not transmasc myself, I’m girlflux so I merely took my own experience trying to identify myself for the last 2-3 years, if I did something wrong with my headcanons, pls message me privately and I will be sure to add/change/remove anything that can considered to be harmful for actual trans men, this is all just for fun and I hope to not offend anyone— I merely want to share headcanons of Five that I love!!

he hates those matted fluffy socks (he’s so me fr), the texture grosses him to the point he would try to trash it (ps. klaus took it from him)

five LOVES comforters, he just tucks himself in and just. sleeps so quietly you’d think he’s dead but he just. does not snore. (you’ve tried to worriedly wake him up once… all you got was an annoyed groan and a painful smack to the lips—)

he hugs himself in his sleep if he doesn’t have blankets (unless you’re in the picture, he’ll definitely just CLING on you) it started when he was in the apocalypse, sleeping by a wrecked mattress store with no blankets, he dusts off the dirty mattress, not bothered to find any pillows or etc, so he just tries to sleep through the cold night with his own warmth, too tired from the chaos… not ready for the days laid out for him

he seems like a cat person, but he actually not so secretly wants a dog (specifically a herder dog for a farm), its in his bucket list for retirement, he wants to play with the pup and have someone by his side after his family fell further apart (s3 ending), then he can go on peacefully knowing he wasn’t rlly that alone, at least fulfilling one want of his

^ however if he could get a cat, he would get a sphynx cat… reason? he wants to match suits and sweaters with the cat (his excuse to you is that he doesn’t want the cat to get lonely being the only one wearing the ugly sweater.. and the sweater is just a plain blue turtleneck.. not even your typical xmas atrocity….)

as a kid, he had a teddy bear named mr pennycrumb, which prompted him to decide to name his soon-to-be pet mr pennycrumb in the future

my boy kins “a lots gonna change” by weyes blood, especially the first stanza, give it a listen and you’ll see.. y o u ‘ l l s e e (though disclaimer, the singer sings the song in 1st pov and uses feminine descriptors… but for the sake of five, just switch it out in your head w masculine coded words)

now- with his identity, as a kid, what awakened him to discover that he truly feels more like a guy is when he saw addam’s family— let me explain myself: he resonated with gomez- as even though gomez is considered “weird” he’s still a perfect husband/gentlemen, his charisma and charm could leave some in pure awe- and all five could think the first time he watched the movie was “i want to be this guy” rather than “i’d want to marry this guy”

with gomez and morticia’s dynamic from the movie, he will definitely incorporate their relationship on how he wants to treat his own s/o, like how he acted with delores, he was all in love and sappy, speaking italian just for her, he definitely took inspo from gomez with all of that, i just know it!!!

in a relationship with you, he would also try to know everything you like, your fixations, hobbies- he appreciates your intellect with your interests, always making sure to listen as you ramble on as your own eyes twinkling with pure interest and he only smiles softly, smitten by the sight of your love for this, how knowledgeable you are, even if its a ‘stupid’ interest or just something so niche others wouldn’t understand, he would try to fully comprehend it- as if it were one of his equations, he would study it just so he can talk to you about it, and see the excitement that radiates out of you when you realize he’s actually interested in knowing, that it wasn’t just a lie to keep you talking as they did something else- no, you notice it- his genuine interest that you see when he talks about his own theories peeks out so clearly, even if he tries to not let it out

if you speak other languages, he will try so hard in learning them just so he can somewhat impress you (for fellow filipinos however…. he cannot pronounce manananggal for the life of me…. you once had him try to say it but it ended up taking half an hour full of his tongue twisting from both his accent and the amount of “n” sounds w the word.. so basically he almost chucked a translator book to the wall— so uh… take that headcanon and r u n)

with his type (romantically), i think he doesn’t have one honestly— its more on the idea that he cherishes anyone who would care for him and vice versa, for example, he finds his siblings ‘annoying’ from their actions, personalities, likes, goals, ideologies and etc, but he still cares for them becos they’re important to him, with you, he could care less if you were rough, brash, shy, not so outgoing as others or something ‘normal’ society wouldn’t appreciate, he isn’t normal either— he’s a guy with a bloody background and superhuman powers, why would he care that much? if anything he would only appreciate you, even if you’re the polar opposite or almost carbon copy of him, if he truly cares about you, he accepts everything about you, just like how he accepts how his family is just dysfunctional as he is

in the topic of relationships and sexuality— i also think that he’s in the aroace spectrum- specifically demiromantic and aceflux (for those who don’t know- demiromantic means that he feels romantic attraction once he develops a strong emotion connection) (as for aceflux, its when someone sometimes feel sexual attraction, but in other times they don’t feel attracted that way, its fluid; changes even)

^ with that said- though its a well-known headcanon, i think he discovered it when he feels uncomfortable with the handler’s flirtatiousness, knowing it was fake— he likes sincerity that are peeking through the mask— not just soft smooth words that sway everyone else, he wants to feel truly loved, especially with everything he’s experienced atp

and now for cough cough scenario headcanons… drum roll please……

five successfully going back to 2019 with ONE (giant) mishap: he’s back in his 13 yr old bod, pre-transitioned AND… he was technically closeted too so.. oh brother….. at least…… he was a late bloomer as a kid so he’s pretty okay that he doesn’t need a binder again.. yet.

HOWEVER, he definitely stole school boy shorts from the other boys’ childhood closets cos his old closet only has uniform w the skirts

he also mentioned that he refers himself as a boy to the rest of the umbrellas so bluntly his family just goes with the flow (they’ve witnessed far more bizarre things atp, they don’t dare try to question this cranky little shit)

five being so ANNOYED with his higher pitched voice again cos he hasn’t took testosterone yet at 13 (he took it once he was in the commission as part of ‘extra’ stuff in his insurance (cough the privilege of being the handler’s favorite cough))

he always— painfully itches himself every time, his fingers scratching his own skin as if he’s trying to get out of his own body, because he doesn’t feel right— he feels like he’s found himself in the different room; it felt wrong to him

with the body change in s1, when handler said he’d give him a better body, she definitely tries to poke him the fact that its a cis male body as a manipulation tactic cos she she knows about his gender dysphoria :”(

speaking of gender dysphoria, it makes his annoyance for being back at his 13 yr old even more prominent cos frankly, he feels like he’s not himself again, especially after finally being so euphoric fully transitioning and all- he has do it all over again, including the insecurities

cough scenario time 🕺(im very lazy to write pls bear w me SKSK)

: younger you (either stealing from your parent who’s a doctor specializing w gender reassignment or from a literal clinic).. just stealing testosterone pills from the cupboard trying to give it to pre-transitioned five— and five is just touched- almost tempted to actually take it, but he doesn’t take it- instead he blips, then puts it back but he still appreciates the thought :((

the euphoria of him wearing his first binder, his first suit, being finally referred as sir and he/him for the first time— right after- when he gets to look at the mirror, he feels so manly, and for once- he felt right in place, not as if he were a missing piece in the wrong puzzle

you referring him as your boyfriend, or husband even, he won’t admit it, but it puts the most giant smile in his face, and his ears go red just from it, not just he feels so honored, but its also cos he feels so validated by you, someone he cares about so much that he swears he could kiss you right then and there <33 (he doesn’t, but in closed doors, he slipped a little peck or two) (i just love this man sm i cant)

#tua five #five hargreeves x reader #number five x you #five x reader #five hargreeves x you #number five x reader #five x you #five hargreeves headcanons #five hargreeves #five headcanons #number five #tua x reader #tua x you #thank you for reading my madness #tua s1 #tua 2 #tua 3 #the umbrella academy

307 notes · View notes