#humans are space hobbits

[syppys-den]

basically, instead of "Humans are violent, primitive and stupid" it's "Humans are (insert stereotype of other fantasy race here)" Normally this'd be where I explain what said stereotypes are, but I think you can figure it out

[tlaquetzqui]

Yes aliens would be super shocked by adrenaline. No other biosphere would have a need for a fight or flight hormone. All other biospheres would run by different thermodynamic laws and competition and predation would not be things. That is totally good speculative biology and in no way ignores the fact the laws of physics are the same everywhere.

Don’t you a have a father-daughter purity ball to attend? I ask because you are clearly a backwoods fundamentalist and think it is blasphemy to inquire into the evolutionary pressures that cause aspects of humanity. Or else you would have realized they would exist everywhere.

[tlaquetzqui]

“We all pack bond you illiterate troglodyte. You can’t be a social animal without that capacity, you can’t develop language without being a social animal, and you can’t abstract without language.”

The advisor looked tiredly at the emperor. "I advised no contact with the humans, not because THEY are especially dangerous. They pack bond. With literally anyone or thing. You attacked anyway. They have summoned The Pack."

[norsenby]

I couldn't decide between drawing oots fanart or my own characters so I drew a ✨crossover✨

Falken wouldn't trust his ass, but I think Brok and Belkar would get along great as a drinking buddies kind of thing. at least for fifteen minutes until Belkar says something misogynistic/too violent/otherwise offensive.

[the-real-wholesome-bitch]

GO VOTE

[tlaquetzqui]

It makes sense that all the aliens would be proofs of God, since everyone who writes those stories is a Young Earth Creationist. Or at least they all seem to consider it blasphemous to ask “Wait why did this thing about humanity evolve? Would aliens have the same selection pressures?” (The answer is almost always yes.)

I simply cannot enjoy most Humans Are Space Orcs stories cause the way they make us Space Orcs is bymaking every other alien so unbelievably fragile and incompetent that they prove the existence of a God, cause only divine intervention could possibly explain how they survived long enough to reach space

[silken-moonlight]

My own introduction:

Hello, dear reader! I have absolutely forgotten to properly introduce myself. We shall begin with some simple things.

You can call me Moon or Swan, I go by both names. I am twenty-one years old and from europe. I am a writer, making up stories since I can remeber.

I enjoy fantasy books of all kinds. Besides this blog, I actually write high fantasy, but this blog is for my own enjoyment and fun.

My asks are always open to you, for either questions, requests, or anything else. My DMs are open too. I have created a SFW blog for just some fluffy and cute writings, maybe some poetry too. I will probably also talk about books. It is: @strawberries-filled-with-honey

Some rules for my blog:

No hate towards each other. I will gladly listen to criticism or if you do not like something. Keep it respectful, however.

Also: No minors. Absolutly no minors. There will be sexual and kinky content. There will be kinks portrayed, probably also some unhealty relationships.

This is all fictional, a form of escapism. So please be kind and nice to one another.

Also, for all BG3 fans: This page is a safe space for Ascended Astarion lovers. I have seen many people debate about it. Both Spawn and Ascended Astarion are good. Neither is better than the other. It's fiction, and what you prefer is personal preference. It does not make you a bad or a better person for what you like.

Also: Divider Creators I use: @thecutestgrotto and @saradika-graphics

Mythological creatures I want to write about:

Werwolves

Dragonshifters

Unicornshifters

Vampires

Faefolk

Fandoms I am in:

Baldurs Gate 3

Lord of the Rings/Hobbit/Silmarillion

The phantom of the Opera

Cats

Sailor Moon

The last Unicorn

Sherlock BBC

Good Omens

Hellboy 2

House of the Dragon

WEREWOLVES

Werewolf Best Friend in a Rut: idea, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4,

Alpha x Human Waitress Series: Idea, Moodboard, Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9

Werewolf BF with a Mommy Kink

Werewolf bf being sweet

Double Trouble (Vampire x Werewolf x You) + Idea

Fem Werewolf Sub Reader

Omegaverse Test meets horny werewolf bf

Subby Werewolf BF

Helping out your Incubus friend

Male Omega x Your breast

Adult Entertainment Werewolf BF, Part Two

Teasing your Dom werewolf bf

Connected to his feral side werewolf bf

Werewolf bf and body image

Comforting your werewolf bf (SFW)

VAMPIRES

Vampire Emporer: Idea, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7

Lesbian Vampires

Again on Lesbian Vampires

Vampires feeding

Vampire Sugar Daddy

More on Vamp sugar daddy

Vamp Sugar Daddy Spoiling you

Vampire Sugar Daddy and your warmth

Vamp! Sugar Daddy (Nikolai) getting massaged by you

Vamp! CEO

Vamp Ceo taking you out for dinner

Female Vampire Seductress x female human reader

Dystopian Vamp Story teaser

FAE

Stag Fae

Bound for Eternity

Silver and Gold

Fae King bf with God-Complex, Part 2, Part 3

Zyran Rosefall

Dragons

Dragon King Husband

COLLABS

OTHER

The wild hunt: Part 1, Part 2

Dream Monster

Sfw things:

Werewolf bf pampering you, werewolf bf in your home

Elf boyfriend night routine

[theonlyamazingtazmin]

Elrondriel - First Elf to Elf intimacy

While I ruminate on a fanfic I’m currently outlining, I thought I could get out my thoughts through this way because its going to be long possible two year wait before we are back into the world of TRoP. However, I’d like to preface that I pinged the chemistry between Elrond and Galadriel from their first ever meet in Season 1 and had I not been swept by Haladriel, I probably would’ve been shipping them fulltime then. The chemistry was taut in Season 1 and its even more apparent and greatly so in Season 2 with the culmination of a kiss that I don’t think anyone would’ve guessed or believed despite the leaks (I certainly didn’t).

I don’t care to interpret this as platonic, I’m not sorry. You can throw as many of the interviews as you can but actors can and have lied before, I’m well experienced with this. In actual text in the show, this scene is presented with the full fanfare of longing and romance down to the music cues. Yes, it had a functional reason of providing cover, but Elrond is smart. He could’ve done a number of things before a kiss on the lips no less. A kiss on the forehead, the cheek, corner of the mouth even. Had the chemistry not been there, this onscreen kiss would’ve been fallen flat and not much anger towards it would be this high but people can recognise the level of chemistry between. The level of intimacy between Galadriel and Elrond is only second to the actual onscreen romantic couples we’ve seen in the show and movies.

An analysis:

I think people don’t realise that the kiss between Galadriel and Elrond is the first elf to elf romantic intimacy we’ve seen onscreen. Between the PJ movies and TRoP, we’ve seen Dwarf/Elf and Human/Elf romances which have been depicted as the peak of star crossed lovers separated by immortality and time — of which Elrond’s heritage is a product of that and his descendants continue to be in the far future.

The arguments (of cope) I've been seeing proclaiming that's how elves platonically say goodbye to their friends is very paper thin against all depiction of Elvish intimacy where its been clear that kisses are romantic, an expression of agape.

We've seen it with Aragorn and Arwen:

Arondir and Bronwyn:

Kili and Tauriel:

The first time we could've gotten Elf to Elf intimacy was in the Hobbit films with Legolas and Tauriel but we see an explicit rejection from Tauriel to Legolas for Kili and despite how close they were (though separated by rank), we could've seen the proposed platonic goodbye kiss but we didn't and we know why.

Okay, maybe the kiss is an outlier but physical closeness is surely the norm, right?

Not really, even under the guise of close friendship, Elrond and Galadriel remain outliers far closer and leaning to romantic. No other elves than them two interact the same way they do.

You'll see a familar scene of this

Their physical closeness (there's never a space for Jesus!), exceeds far beyond of other elves and their friendships, even for Elrond and Durin and its been consistent

Does this not look the image of a ruling couple

Images by @maul-of-shame

Even when they're angry at each other, it doesn't stop or impede their physical closeness. This is not a one time thing, but a consistent effort between them you don't see with the other elves.

This doesn't just stop in the show, but also in the movies. The chance to depict interaction between a married canon Elven couple and it was cold and distant between them.

PJ didn't care for Celeborn clearly but he could've easily had him in here taking on the role that Elrond is doing for his MIL :) But his omission is pointed and you have Elrond fulfilling that instead.

If you didn't know the history or lore about them, I guarantee most would've assume they're together

[chaotic-to-the-max]

I- wow... this changes a lot

.

Humans Aren't Space Orcs

Look, we got it all wrong.

It's provable scientific fact that aliens, if they exist, will probably be bigger than us, heavier than us, and from smaller planets.

Smaller planets will have thinner atmospheres, less even heat distribution, sharper differences between day and night temperatures, and less climate stability across seasons and continents (and thus less chance of stable agriculture developing or spreading far). There's a bit of a feedback loop here where extremes in climate encourage larger body sizes for regulation and storage purposes, and larger individuals plus lack of stable agriculture means even lower population sizes and densities.

So when we run into intelligent aliens, they'll think we look small, short, and yet weirdly bulky (because limbs that can support our weight in earth gravity would support much more in theirs). The average human will appear supernaturally social: the idea of retaining close relationships with dozens of people and subtly adapting to the unique context of each one is borderline unimaginable to them, let alone the idea of running mental models of these people in real time. Honestly, even the idea of regularly encountering that many people might freak them out a little.

Between larger human populations, a larger planet, and more widespread agriculture, human cuisine should seem mindbogglingly broad, even to other omnivorous foragers. Human linguistics, same story: highland new guinea is an agricultural birthplace the size of Sweden with eight hundred unique languages native to it. In general the depth of our art should be beyond anything most aliens have.

Does any of that sound like orc to you? No! But there is, of course, a fantasy creature well-known for gregariousness, good food, art, small round bodies, and a comfortable sedentary lifestyle interspersed with the occasional act of heroism...

Humans are space hobbits.

[felassan]

Thoughts on DA: Vows & Vengeance -

[info compilation post link] [more info on the podcast]

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this post is rather unstructured : )

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I know what BW said about how there won't be official transcripts, but I hope that they decide to post official transcripts of each episode if it's possible, as it's rly important for accessibility & inclusivity.

I like the title - the alliteration is fun, and the concepts of vengeance and revenge are a DA thematic staple atp. it's neat that it's free and the spacing of one episode per week until mid/late October will help pass the time until launch (the last podcast episode releases 2 weeks before DA:TV Release Day). it's also cool to see DA expand into new forms of media, and I'm excited that we will hear lots more lines from each of the 7 Veilguard companions. 👁️

here is one of the podcast writers, Jeremy Novick, on Twitter.

I’m really looking forwards to Taash and Davrin’s episodes of the podcast in particular ◕‿◕ it feels like we don't know much about them or their backstories relative to the other DA:TV companions at this point in time.

Nadia Carcosa, Drayden and Elio are described as being "podcast-exclusive" characters, I guess this means they will not appear in the game itself (which helps the podcast storyline stay self-contained and the podcast to remain as optional listening). but it would be cool if in the game there is some references to them here and there, like in dialogue and/or codex entries/notes etc. 😊

in the background image of the teaser trailer and what looks like the thumbnail for the podcast[?] on podcasting sites, the two faction symbols shown are the Mourn Watch and the Shadow Dragons. is this a coincidence/just since their symbols look cool, or are these two factions the factions with the biggest roles in the podcast storyline relative to the others? the penultimate episodes are the ones that focus on Emmrich and Neve 🤔

"revenge, redemption, and love": these themes mixed together often produce regret. and there was a quote somewhere in DA:TV marketing materials that said “For DA:TV [the game itself], from the start one of the biggest themes has been regret; how regret shaped peoples’ lives, how people deal with their regrets, how people maybe move past their regrets.”

Mae Whitman previous credits include: Avatar: The Last Airbender, The Perks of Being a Wallflower, Scott Pilgrim vs. the World Brigette Lundy-Paine previous credits include: Bill & Ted Face the Music, Atypical, I Saw the TV Glow Armen Taylor previous credits include: Diablo IV, Octopath Traveler II, Vinland Saga

I wonder when the podcast is set? maybe in the weeks to months before Varric, Harding, Neve and Rook go to Solas' ritual site in the game's prologue? I also wonder what lineages Nadia, Drayden and Elio are? If Drayden has a mysterious connection to the Fade, they're most likely to be human or elven, right?

cat burglar, thief, scoring jobs like the one described in the podcast's plotblurbs - these kind of plot beats remind me of what we learned about an earlier concept of DA:TV when the game was more about stuff like heists and spies.

Nadia being a thief unknowingly employed by the Dread Wolf to track down a powerful ancient artifact before finding herself tangled up in everything: this reminds me sm of one of the 'here's what the DA4 PC's backstory could be and how they could end up caught up in the narrative of the game'-speculation ideas I used to wonder about hhh.

a retired cat burglar.. maybe Nadia has ties to the Lords of Fortune? some of them seem to be more thiefy. although, being wanted by Tevinter authorities for crimes of theft, high treason and murder maybe points towards Shadow Dragons instead.

two lovers going on a job to get an artifact reminds me of Irian Cestes and Vadis from TN. "burglar" also gives me Hobbit/LOTR vibes :D I imagine that over the many years since DA:I, the Dread Wolf has employed many such people [unknowingly to them] on jobs like this.

Elio being "seemingly" banished to the Fade is interesting wording.. so is "banished" actually. (Elio's Fade banishment also makes me think of foreshadowing Solas' subsequent entry to Fade Jail in DA:TV.) ((shoutout to left-in-the-Fade-Hawkes' LIs who I can also imagine desperately searching for answers on a rescue mission across all of Thedas after learning that Hawke was left in the Fade in DA:I...))

Carcosa

I'm reaaally curious about what Drayden's mysterious connection to the Fade is all about and entails.

"a few [answers] they wish they hadn’t" 👁️...

the question is, what the powerful ancient artifact is, and why does Solas want it? if he wants it it's probably ancient elven, right?

On the trailer itself

"This chamber, it feels different from the cave. I can sense something. The Veil is thin here." - I'd guess this speaker is Drayden. it isn't Nadia, as we hear her later on. the speaker can sense the thin/thickness of the Veil and Drayden is said to have a mysterious connection to the Fade. at this point they're in some kind of, well, chamber, as the speaker's voice echoes and you can hear water dripping down the damp walls.

The announcer's voice is so deep hh!

To be wanted by Tevinter authorities for crimes including high treason, maybe Nadia is from Tevinter? treason is "the crime of betraying one's country, especially by attempting to kill or overthrow the sovereign or government." so to commit treason in Tevinter context, you're probably from Tevinter.

"Who the hell is Nadia Carcosa?" - this sounds like Varric. :>

"So, what's the mark?" - I'd guess this speaker is Nadia. they sound scrappy/seasoned (Nadia is nearly retired), and the speaker is probably asking for more details on the job they've just acquired to do. does she sound like she could be a dwarf to anyone else or is this just me? :D maybe that's just my daydreams hhh

"The Eye of Kethisca" quote: presumably the middle man who Solas hired to hire someone, thereby keeping his own identity secret

The Eye of Kethisca itself: this must be the "powerful ancient artifact" from the text blurbs. there are no hits for "Kethisca" on the DA Wiki, so this is a new name/thing. it must be creepy-deepy, because when it's mentioned in the trailer you can hear creepy voices whispering ominously. :D "Kethisca" doesn't sound elven, but you could easily have an artifact that's e.g. ancient elven but acquired another name or been called something else by others in the centuries since.

"The Eye was made from a rare gem mined here in the caves beneath us. It was crafted centuries ago by a powerful Dreamer." - Solas speaking. I wonder how oblique/lies of omission/technically true (you know what I mean? that thing he does) Solas is being here.. like maybe the Dreamer was an ancient elvhen Dreamer not a human Tevinter one, like maybe the centuries ago were centuries and centuries and centuries ago dating back to Elvhenan rather than later on temporally at say, a more recent time in history like the height of the Imperium. "Eye" makes me think of spherical things, "gem" makes me think of how lyrium (Titans' blood) is a mineral. caves makes me think of dwarfy things and the Deep Roads. as for "mined":

"The runes say the Evanuris fought the Titans. They mined their bodies for lyrium and... something else. It's not clear."

what if the Eye is the heart of a Titan, a foci? Solas' Orb was spherical and the hearts of Titans look spherical here in the Death of a Titan mural. the way he frames it makes it sound like the mark is a rare jewel mined from caves by a Tevinter human dreamer long ago before being crafted into something, but I wonder if it was, more technically, the heart of a Titan mined from the body of a Titan even longer ago by, say, a member of the Evanuris, before being crafted into a foci. Solas needed his own foci in DA:I to carry out his plans, and then it was broken. there was more than one foci in ancient Elvhenan; after DA:I and Trespasser, I could see a world/storyline in which, during the long years between then and DA:TV, Solas at some point learns that another one of the foci artifacts survived into the modern day, and decided to try and get his hands on it so that he can carry out his plan using another foci instead. and since the foci can do Fadey/Veily stuff, that could be how Elio got yeeted in there. reminds me a bit of the scene when the Inquisitor yeets Cory at the end of DA:I. (here I'm just speculating wildly for fun hhh. Solas' Orb doesn't really look like a gem etc. and the Lyrium Knife tears the Veil, so maybe this storyline was set before he got that or sth)

also I wonder where these caves are? beneath Minrathous? Solas has a hideout beneath Minrathous, as we know, and the deeper you go the more elfy things get.

Magister Andante: I think this is our first time hearing about this character. their name reminds me of Andraste.

"Magister Andante? It's about Nadia. She's about to do something quite reckless." - this sounds to me like Neve speaking. it kind of sounds like she's meeting the magister clandestinely, at night. she seems to know Nadia.

"Listen to me, you've been tricked. This isn't a simple grab-and-go for the money. There are bigger forces at play. We have to put this back and leave." - I'd guess this speaker is Elio. it sounds like at this point he and Nadia have found the Eye and taken it, but he's trying to get her to see reason/warn her. it's a tense moment with the sound of battle all around them.

"I'm sorry, but I won't let you pay for my mistakes." - Nadia refusing to listen to Elio. the sounds of battle get louder and it sounds like there's an explosion or something? plus the dragon roar. maybe Mr dragon is breathing fire everywhere. :D I wonder as well if it's Elio grunting in pain at this point. I'd guess this is the moment where Elio is seemingly yeeted into the Fade perhaps?

"Nadia, I presume. I am Solas, and I am, I believe, the one that you seek." - Solas again obviously, only this time sounding way more godly and Fen'Harelly in persona (booming) than he did when he was talking more demurely/plainly about what the Eye is.

"The name I seek is the Dread Wolf" - Nadia again obviously :) so something in the job went wrong, she figures out who hired them, and goes to find the Dread Wolf presumably because she either blames him for Elio being stuck in the Fade and/or she thinks he might be able to get him out or tell her how.

"The Eye will destroy you" - and this sounds like Neve again maybe?

[tlaquetzqui]

Love all the science fiction where humans are indomitable. So, like, hey, why’s your story in English? Why’s that language spoken in Britain, and not in the Anglia Peninsula in northwest Germany that gives it its name—what became of the Britons and their language? And what’s with all the French words? I mean since humans never submit and all.

[warrioreowynofrohan]

Random opinions about how aging works for elves, half-elves, and hobbits:

For hobbits, I stand by my belief that hobbits do not age to maturity any slower than humans, they just have a more “millennial” (speaking as a millennial) attitude to adulthood, and then get old slower than humans do. If you have more time in “middle age” and old age than the humans do, then socially ending up with an extended period of youth and irresponsibility, relative to humans, seems like something that makes sense. I don’t think Pippin (age 28 during LOTR) is actually the hobbit equivalent of a teenager; I don’t think they would let him go on the quest if he was.

Also, Merry is born in 2982, making him age 19 when he’s helping Frodo out in the aftermath of Bilbo’s 111th birthday-party and surprise departure; that’s a reasonable human age for him to be doing that, whereas assuming a notable difference for hobbits means Frodo has recruited a preteen to fend off Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, which, while funny, is not what I think the narrative is going for.

Frodo had retired for a while and left his friend Merry Brandybuck to keep an eye on things. When Otho loudly demanded to see Frodo, Merry bowed politely.

“He is indisposed,” he said. “He is resting.”

In terms of elves, I think comparisons to human aging are complicated because elves age to mental or social maturity faster than they do to physical maturity in a way that is not the case for humans. LaCE says:

Not until their fiftieth year did the Eldar attain the stature and shape in which their lives would afterward endure, and for some a hundred years would pass before they were full-grown.

…The Eldar wedded for the most part in their youth and soon after their fiftieth year…at whatever age they married their children were born within a short space of years [as the Eldar reckoned time; in mortal count there was often a lomg interval between the wedding and the first child-birth, and even longer between child and child] after their wedding.

I personally would regard a 50-year-old elf as equivalent to a human in their early 20s, in terms of maturity; with the exception that, unlike a human, it might still be some time after that that they reached the peak of their physical strength.

This is relevant to the fact that Maeglin chooses to leave Nan Elmoth and go to Gondolin when he is approximately 70 years old. He’s not a child or even a teenager; he’s probably roughly equivalent to his mid-20s.

In terms of peredhel (half-elves), I am convinced that they age to maturity at a human rate, with the difference that they stay at their peak of health and strength for far longer after that (and, if they choose to be counted as Elves, retain that appearance basically permanently). This is because of the few dates that we have, in History of Middle-earth, for Dior, Eärendil, and Elwing. Granted, these are Tolkien’s draft notes, and he edited them continuously; but one version has Dior’s twin sons being born when he is 30, while a family tree has them born when he is 22. There’s a timeline where Elrond and Elros are born when Eärendil and Elwing are both in their late 20s to early 30s. We can choose to conclude either that marriage and having children is happening at a terribly early age to people who are basically teenagers, or that that half-elves age like humans and they are doing these things at normal times. I choose to conclude the latter – and given that Dior marries and has children before Thingol’s death, when he is living peacefully in Ossiriand (Elwing is named for a waterfall near his home in Ossiriand) and there is no especial urgency, I think the conclusion that they age to maturity like humans and choose to get married and have children at human-similar times is the one that makes the most sense.

[wyndowpane]

LOTR in a modern world headcanons? I think yes.

I did this on one of my old accounts that i ended up deleting for some reason, i don’t remember, but here. Back on my Lord Of The Rings BS, let’s gooooo. This’ll be the fellowship with everyone intact, no one is dead.

As always requests are open and let me know if you want more!

LOTR x GN! Reader, general headcanons for if you had to take care of them today, in 2023. Enjoy!

The ring most likely has no power in this dimension, so yay Frodo is free from torment!

Sam loves watching cooking, gardening and home renovation shows, and he gets very invested in the former two. You learn a lot you didn’t really need to know from his commentary

Once Pippin learns about pyjamas and fuzzy slippers he never goes back, you literally cannot get him out of them

Boromir and Aragorn, being human and coincidentally two of the most responsible members of the fellowship, are the easiest to take in public to the grocery store and such.

You can pass off the hobbits (if they cover their ears with their hair) as children, and Gimli is your friend with dwarfism.

Gandalf you can pass off as your grandfather, and Legolas looks pretty normal if you cover his ears.

Pippin is the type to bounce in his seat in the car and ask “Are we there yet?!” every 5 minutes

Frodo really likes to draw, especially when there’s so many cool places and movies to draw inspiration from.

Movie nights? No horrors. The hobbits are terrified by ‘em.

Movie nights are literally so difficult because they all have such different tastes

Merry really likes James Bond movies.

Pippin is obsessed with nail polish when you introduce him to it. Boromir gets his repainted every time the polish come off. His nails need serious help after a while

Pippin and Merry often start pillow fights, and drag everyone else into it

If you have space for a garden or plants in your home, Sam is on it. He finds it calming, so now you have some home grown plants :)

Taking the hobbits in public? Bad idea. You can trust Frodo and Sam, but Merry inevitably drags Pippin off to do something dumb and possibly dangerous.

Gandalf has an old man rocker. There is no discussion.

The hobbits do the classic “getting one sibling to ask for fast food because whoever’s in charge will say yes”, they get Frodo to do this because he has the best puppy dog face and he’s unsure about asking for things normally.

Pippin and Merry cannot handle too much caffeine or sugar or they go crazy

You thought Legolas’ hair was good before? He steals your hair care products and his hair is literally perfect.

(He’s also willing to do skincare with you, not that his face needs it. Again, flawless)

Game nights are so chaotic. You can’t play a lot of games since they don’t know what many things from this world are, so games like Trivia and Charades are off the table

Gimli and Legolas verse each other in video games, often enough it ends with Legolas winning and Gimli rage quitting

Aragorn is so responsible he’s literally the perfect man to do anything with, and he can hold the fort down if you need to leave

Pippin is so clingy, he trails you wherever you go and asks you random questions but it’s adorable

Boromir insists on carrying your stuff, bags of groceries, all that

Frodo often goes to the library to find new books to read, with you of course

There’s a whole debate on whether 3D or 2D animation is better, i would not get involved if i were you.

Pippin and Merry are also avid fans of quoting their favourite movies, once they see them

Legolas and Frodo are the best listeners, they will just sit there and not judge or try to give you advice they just. sit there. like the perfect men they are.

Legolas would have a meme for everything. Like any situation. You text him like “PIPPIN FELL DOWN SOME WELL WE DON’T EVEN HAVE A WELL HELP” and he just has a meme that fits the situation perfectly.

Frodo and Legolas would watch Avatar: The Last Airbender together because it’s their favourite show. Aragorn jumps in also.

Those three are also avid tea drinkers.

Boromir likes Game Of Thrones. I don’t know anything about it, he just does. Please confiscate Pippin while he does.

Pippin gasps dramatically whenever a plot twist surprises him.

Sam loves to cook, and he does a lot of cooking in the house once he arrives. You two just work together in the kitchen (if you can’t cook, he’ll teach you) and have nice sweet conversations

Legolas is great at doing people’s hair. If you ask him to, he’d probably agree, though he’d probably be a bit flustered as that is a courting ritual in his culture.

Ask Legolas to talk to you until you fall asleep. His voice is so heavenly istg-

The hobbits get sleepy when their hair is played with and it’s adorable

Won’t lie this hyperfixation came back then it circled back to TMNT and today i watched these films with my friend and now i’m back to LotR love. Most of this has been sitting in my drafts for a couple weeks.

Anyway, I think that’s about it from me, I hope you guys enjoy! :)

If you want to request, rules are pinned on my page! Let me know if you want a general part two or a set of modern headcanons for a specific character. I love LOTR in the modern world content so much.

Have a good day, and remember that you are loved!

[faeriichaii]

Hello I have a request for thorin!!

Can you please write a Thorin x afab!human reader, in which her family line worked for the line of Durin for many many years, and during the meeting at bilbo’s, Gandalf brings her along with him and Thorin recognizes her immediately because of her similarities to her family & he gets a little emotional and happy? :) Or anything of that sort! thank you in advance <3

A Part from Home ~ Thorin x afab!Human!Reader

A/N: Omg I'm so happy to get a request for Thorin haha! Ngl I struggled a bit because I didn't really know in what kind of direction I was going with this but I still think it turned out quiet nice and wholesome (I also let my best friend read through it and she said she blushed and smiled so Ig it’s approved) :) If you want a pt. 2 I can always do that :) But I still hope you like it and enjoy reading it <33

⇢ ˗ˏˋ Warnings: Softness, wholesomeness ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Words: 933 ࿐ྂ ⇢ ˗ˏˋ Request: Yes (Thank you <33) ࿐ྂ

Summary: Tagging along for an adventure with Gandalf, you didn't expect to run into people that remind you of your lost home.

The night was dark as you walked alongside Gandalf on a small path through a town called Hobbiton. A soft cold breeze accompanied you on your travels. The soft chirping sound of grasshoppers paired well with the gentle glow of the fireflies, giving the small village a comfortable and cozy atmosphere. “Gandalf, is there a reason why you chose to take me with you on this adventure?” You asked him, shifting your heavy bag on your shoulder. Inhaling the smoke from his pipe he looks down at you. “Well, of course there is a reason to that.” He blows out the smoke, forming rings on the way up into the dark sky.

“Care to explain them to me?” At your inquiry, the wizard just let out a chuckle and shook his head, indicating you that he will keep it a secret for now. “You will find your answers during your journey (Y/N).” With that, the wizard knocked on a little green wooden door, which was connected to a hole in the ground. “Why do you have to keep it a secret from me?” You continue to interrogate him. However, Gandalf’s attention was fully focused on the hobbit that just opened the door. “Bilbo Baggins, it is nice to see you again.” Walking through the door the both of you enter into the small but pleasant home. Boisterous laughter and cheers could be heard from the table further down.

“Why on earth are dwarves swarming my home Gandalf?” The hobbit seizes, while slowly turning towards you. “Oh- Hello, my name is (Y/N). It is nice to make your acquaintance” You quickly introduce yourself, smiling at the man whose house you just entered. “Bilbo Baggins, the pleasure is all mine.” He gives you a tight-lipped smile before gesturing you to set your baggage to the rest of the bags that are already perched by the door. Setting your stuff aside, you follow Gandalf into the room, filled with dwarves that are sitting around a table.

“Gandalf, I didn’t expect you to be the last one to join in on this important meeting.” A dark-haired dwarf mentioned. Two braids on either side of his head framed his bearded face perfectly. “My apologies, I had to make a detour and collect your 15th member for the company.” Thorins gaze drifted towards you, making you shuffle on the spot a little. Most of the dwarves stopped talking and focused their attention towards you and Gandalf, as well as Bilbo, who stood beside you. The dwarven kings’ eyes locked onto your own as something unrecognizable flickered in his gaze. “Gandalf, you invited a human into the company?” One dwarf muttered, making you raise your eyebrow in annoyance. “I might be a human, however, my family has served for the line of Durin for generations. I know exactly how to handle my weapons and I am more than capable to protect myself and I am pretty sure that I could even take you down in a fight.” You snap back, shutting him up immediately. A chuckle escapes Thorin, as he made some space for Gandalf and you to join around on the table to talk about the mission at hand.

After investigating the map and Bilbo refusing to sign the contract, that was handed to him, you all started to clean up the mess that has been created throughout the entire meeting. Thorin walked up to you while you were washing the dishes used earlier. “I knew you seemed familiar the second my eyes landed on you.” He murmurs, taking a towel to dry the wet dishes. “How come?” “Like you said, your family has been loyal to the Durin line for centuries. You share a lot of familiarities with your mother.” You smile softly at the remembrance of the time you spent with her in Erebor. “I remember I used to constantly beg her to take me to work with her.” “Can you remember anything from the time you were there?” He asked you tentatively. “Not much, I was very young back then. I think I always brought little flower crowns I made in the garden for the royal family.” At that statement he chuckled softly. “Yes, I always made sure to wear them, when you were around. Else you would just pout at me, hang on my leg and spend the entire day with me instead of your mother.” A blush dusted your cheeks at that statement. “Hmm seems very made up to me. I really don’t remember that ever happening so I think you must be lying.” The two of you laugh, finishing up the rest of your work.

“Care to join me for a walk?” Thorin gently asks, holding out his hand to take for you. Placing your own in his, a welcoming warmth spreads through your body. As you both step outside into the cold night, you walk towards the stream, flowing through the small town. “I always wondered if your family made it out alive of Erebor.” His gaze was cold at the remembrance of the day the dragon decided to use the kingdom as it’s new home. “I barely remember that day, I just know that we somehow got away.” Looking at the reflection of the stars in the water you thought about your family, that moved to Esgaroth after the attack of the beast.

“I am glad to have you here. It feels like I have a piece of my home with me.” He smiles softly at you. Returning his with a smile of your own you squeeze his hand, that was still holding yours. “We will get back our home. We will fight for what is rightfully ours.” You reassure him, looking into his bright blue eyes that glimmer with hope. You will get your home back. Even if it is the last thing you will do.

[yourfatherlucifer]

To Die For (Hongjoong)

Orc Leader!Hongjoong x afab!Reader

Summary: You were at the wrong place, at the wrong time. You were captured by orcs and brought to their leader, being offered as a meal, but you didn’t want to die, so you made a new offer.

AU: LOTR/Historical

Genre: Smut

WC: 1.9k

Warnings: NSFW MDNI, monster cock, heavily inspired by LOTR, rough Hongjoong, mentions of breeding, choking, marking/biting, blood, seven foot tall HJ,

@kithsune for the banner

( @minkysmilk )

It was getting closer to colder days so your village was preparing by having everyone who was able to gather wood to stockpile. Crops were being dug up so they wouldn’t shrivel up.

Children weren’t playing outside anymore, their parents afraid of their children getting sick. Cattle and livestock brought into their respective spaces.

The village of Bree was quite peaceful, humans and hobbits lived in peace together. They shared their resources and chores. The fall and winter time was hard for both species, especially having to rely on each others techniques. Many people died due to cold related illnesses, more due to raids on the village.

"Y/N, could you be a dear and help me with this?" An older hobbit approached you with an arm of wood.

You had chuckled at your neighbor, "Of course, Magnus." Bending down, you took the pile from his arms and followed him to his home.

You glanced at your brother Wooyoung gathering your family's cattle, he was struggling with one particular cow, it was pulling back away from him, trying to break free of the lead. Wooyoung was equally pulling back his way, but the cow just stopped its force, causing Wooyoung to fly back into the dirt.

You laughed at the sight, no idea why that cow always teased him.

After you placed the wood inside your neighbors home, you returned to yours.

Your mother was cooking a nice stew over the fire, "Hello, Y/N, did you have a finish your chores?" You nodded and stepped beside her.

"I did, but Wooyoung seems to be struggling with the cow again. You glanced out the window to check on your younger brother, who was scolding the cow and dragging her off.

Your mother had shook her head before pulling the pot away from the fire, “Isn’t he always? That cow is a stubborn one, we should just sell it.”

“Go tell your brother to come eat.”

-

As you laid in your bed, shivering, you had thought about leaving to go get more firewood. However with it being so late at night, you could easily be attacked and killed.

Possibly kidnapped by bandits and sold for a profit.

But the night air was just so cold and the fire had burnt out long ago.

So, you decided against yourself and the obvious risks. You gathered your shoes and cloak made of wool, not the finest, but it shall do.

After carefully sneaking past your sleeping mother and brother, you made your way outside. All was quiet, your hobbit neighbors were fast asleep.

You had quickly run into the woods, grabbing a hatchet on the way. You knew you couldn't cut down full trees, so you'd settle for limbs.

After walking for a solid fifteen minutes, you had found the perfect tree limb to cut down.

But as you were preparing to swing down the mini axe, you heard growls, yells, feet pounding in the distance. That wasn't good.

Was it a group of bandits, orcs, goblins?

It was so close you knew you wouldn't be able to make it home, you had no clue how to fight, but you had the hatchet with you, so maybe, just maybe you could defend yourself.

You couldn't though, you knew you'd die trying. So you ran as fast as you could to the village area of Bree. Your home.

It was a poor attempt anyway, not even two minutes of running you could hear the snarls of Wargs and yells of the Orc Riders. You were screwed, so screwed. You didn't want to die so what you could you do? You could try to run faster but your energy was depleting rapidly, your legs were trying to give out beneath you.

It was all for nothing, you had been surrounded by three orcs, each one snapping their jaws at you. The Wargs behind them looked even hungrier.

One had cackled at your frightened state, "She looks so yummy! Don't you agree?" He licked his lips, well if there were any. You couldn't exactly tell, didn't matter anyway. You were to worried about being eaten alive by these three orcs.

Another stepped to you, "Y'know, Hongjoong would love to eat this pretty little human. She smells just like his favorite kind." Your jaw was gripped by its clawed hand, your face squished between its disgusting fingers.

"Oi, tie her up, we're bringing her home for the leader."

You yelped as you were grabbed and pulled around. A tight rope was wrapped around your torso and ankles.

An orc swung your body on top of a Warg, face down and jumped up behind your body.

-

You had arrived in Isengard, beneath the Earth's soil, beneath the two towers of Saruman. The orc who had captured you, dragged your body behind him, the holler of fellow orcs and goblins resounded around the dirt walls.

You could hear them laughing, mockingly, at your state. Another human captured to eat.

"Leader Hongjoong! We brought you a present, its your favorite." Your body was thrown in front of a massive orc, body rolling on the dirt ground.

You cried and groaned at the way you were being handled. You knew you were going to die, you knew you'd never see your brother Wooyoung or your mother ever again. Would they even look for you? How would they find out you were eaten by orcs.

The giant orc bent down to your body, his gray skin and black eyes scared you. You had never seen an orc so large. A whopping seven feet tall.

He moved your hair out of your face, "She smells delicious, boys. Fantastic job, I haven't had a meal that smelled so good, in so long."

You quickly scrambled yourself away from him, "W-wait! Please! I don't want to die! I will do anything! I'll offer my body in other ways!" You cried out, wanting to rub your hands together to beg but you couldn't. Your body was still well-tied together.

His evil grin splattered his face, "Oh really, human? In what ways can your body serve a purpose to me, other than being food?" He was mocking you, he knew what you meant.

"Anything! Please, I'll be your personal pleasure outlet! I-I know how orcs plunder humans for a quick fuck, but I just don't want to die!" You were stumbling over your words at this point, it was pathetic to him, but your offer. Your offer was very exciting for him.

His shit-eating grin was still on his face, "deal."

Hongjoong yanked you to your feet, grabbing the rope on your chest, he pulled you behind him, "You cannot back down now, cause if you do. I will eat you. Understand?"

"Yes! I understand!"

-

Hongjoong brought you to his quarters, shoving you inside.

After he ripped the rope and clothes from your body, he shoved you down to his makeshift bed.

You fell down with a yelp, staring up at him. He was just so big. You took this time to relish in his brown mullet hair, the split eyebrow, the piercings that lined each ear. He was beautiful in a way, didn't look like an orc much at all. He had more human tones. But his height, skin, and ears represented the orc features.

As you lay bare on his bed, you noticed his loin cloth covered nothing, instead it was pushed out of the way by a monster sized cock. The size and girth were both size of your forearm, if not more. Just how were you gonna take that inside of you? It could rip you apart.

Hongjoong noticed you staring at him, then his fat cock, "You'll take it no matter what, don't worry."

His massive body climbed on top of you.

He trapped you beneath him and leaned down to whisper in your ear, "Your body is mine now."

His gray hand gripped your waist, "I suppose I shall prepare your fragile human body to take me."

He moved down to your already wet core, he smirked, knowing how you felt about his cock. Greedy human.

He licked a long stripe down your wetness with his large tongue, your body arching itself in response to the newfound pleasure you were receiving.

He took one of his thick fingers and forcefully plunged it inside.

As he pumped it in and out, your moans echoed throughout the dirt room, you were sure the other orcs could hear you, "ah, ah, this feels so good." You cried out.

He pushed another finger in, "You haven't felt anything yet. Just wait till I'm fully inside you."

Minute after minute of him pushing several fingers inside of you, constantly, he deemed you were ready for him.

He removed his loin cloth from his body, you were terrified, just how badly was this gonna hurt? Could you take every inch of his? Would it kill you?

Hongjoong pulled your chin to look at him, "look at me while I am taking you, human."

He bared his canines and bit into your shoulder, drawing blood painfully. You screamed, you were definitely sure the orcs could hear you now.

He slowly pushed his massive cock inside of you. The stretch burned so bad that you started full on sobbing, but it felt so good at the same time. A very large stomach bulge appeared on your stomach, he was fully sheathed inside of you.

He pulled you to his chest by roughly grabbing your neck, pulling you up like you weighed nothing to him.

"I want to breed you so bad, but I cannot. Our species cannot mix. Orcs are only created by pure evil and corruption, so instead I'll just fill you with my seed." The evil glint in his eyes scared you, but you couldn't stick to the thought much, as his fat cock rested within you.

Throwing you back down to the bed, he began his rough pounding, nothing but your moans, his groans, and the repeated skin slapping filled the room.

The grip he had on your waist was sure to leave large and dark bruises.

You were already cock drunk with his thrusting. The stomach bulge was moving so fast, it felt so good, you weren't even sure how far he reached inside of you. You didn't care though, his cock felt so good.

Hongjoong brought him self down and bit into your breast, not enough to draw blood, but enough to leave marks. He repeated this action with the repeated thrusting below. He took his fingers and pinched at your clit, "Release on me, human, now." He was striving to bring you to your orgasm, he didn't care if you did or not, he just wanted to feel it on his monster cock.

"Gonna fill you up so much."

He growled in your ear as his thrusting became sloppy.

Soon, his cum filled your walls, his cum filling your stomach, creating the illusion of you looking pregnant, instead you were filled to the brim with orc cum.

When he pulled out, his cum flowed out so fast like a river, there was just so much of it, it seemed never ending.

Your body was so exhausted and sore you could not move.

Hongjoong laughed at you, "I knew this would happen. So rest, for this is your fate now, you are stuck here forever to be my cumdump."

Now you knew your family would never find you.

[yey56]

HOME

Thorin Oakshield x Modern reader. (Implied to be Spanish)

You've been 10 years in middle earth, at first you were confused and lost, the language everyone talked was what you knew as English or as they referred to, common tongue. Even though you didn't knew what happened and where were you, you tried to adapt as quickly as possible. You cut your hair short pretending to be a young boy and enlisted yourself in a monastery as an scribe.

One day, after running away from that monastery you met Gandalf, after one week of traveling together (because he insisted that it was not save for a young boy to wander alone) you confessed to him your situation and that you were actually {gender}

He took you to Rivendell and after a lot of prove Gandalf improvising and convincing, you proved your situation to the elves who decided to let you stay. You read and studied magic and became really eager to learn more and more, you hunger for knowledge only growing each day; after years of trying you finally managed to perform magic even though you were human.

You became a good sorcerer, exploring the world to find old scriptures, runes and other magical things.

After 12 years in middle earth and already settled in a place you could call home; out of the blue you received a visit from Gandalf who wanted you to join with him as extra magic assistance to some dwarfs quest to regain their home, at the start things were tense you were only talking to Gandalf, Bilbo and occasionally the Durin brothers, but after multiple near death experiences you were able to make good friends with most of the group.

Of course some dwarfs were slower to warm up to you, like Dwalin, who unlike his brother Balin (God bless his soul) took a long time, but nonetheless you established a mutual respect with each other that was near friendship, and of course Thorin. What is there to say about him? You guys do not get along, well sometimes you do but that's the exception not the norm.

You're both very demanding and authoritative so of course whenever he order something and you do not agree with it, the dwarfs and Bilbo already expect a war between you two.

You don't like how he expects you and Bilbo to just agree blindly with everything insult he throws your way and he doesn't like how you are always questioning him like a freaking philosopher.

Whenever the company wasn't sure what the right direction was:"are you sure we're heading east?"

Every time he insulted you and Bilbo: "you think you are oh so high and mighty but you got lost more than once heading to Bilbo's home."

When all of you got lost AGAIN: "Don't blame me, if you were able to get lost in the shire what should I expect?"-yeah, you LOVED to remind him of his lack of sense of direction.

Oh and his favourite: "quit you're grumpy ass, you undermine the morale" THE AUDACITY!

No one ever has had the courage to talk that way to him, and every time you opened you mouth to answer him everything he received was sass.

He didn't even comprehend why would you help them, neither you or the hobbit had nothing to do with Erebor and yet here you were, helping them to regain they're home.

And of course asking you was not an option since your conversations were based on mutual roasting.

But he wasn't blind either, even though you were known for being always joking and with a really cheerful behaviour he had observed you while you were on watch or when you were riding your horse.

I'm those specific moments you seem to space out for a while and your face turned into a melancholic gaze, almost longing. You seem to be remembering something that brings you pain.

Like tonight for example. You were on watch with him since you both tended to sleep less, it wasn't uncommon for you to not talk during these watches. But this time Thorin was trying to mentally prepare himself to ask you the question which answer that had him so impatient.

Again you were with that relaxed yet perturbed face, looking at the fire as if it had all of the answers in the world.

Finally he managed to murmur something: "(y/n), why are you helping us retake Erebor. What do you seek to find in this quest"- the question came more harshly than he intended.

This was the first time he referred to you by your name, usually he would talk to you without saying your name or referring to you as human or woman. You knew this was a serious question and not just another way to start a fight.

You looked away from the fire and directed your eyes towards his blue ones. You stayed like that for a moment until you finally responded

(Y/n): Thorin, you know that I am not from. This world right?- he looked at you and nodded- well, I cannot go back home, I'm trapped here.- you voice trembled a little, not enough for it to be noticeable- probably forever.

Another silence was formed, he though he had make you uncomfortable and was going to apologise, but you continued talking.

(y/n): I don't have a chance to go back home, but you do. All of you do, you have a chance- (a low one)- you mumbled.- but a chance after all.

Thorin: (y/n)- he started not knowing how to react to that, he knew the feeling very well, to crave a home. Before he could continue you interrupted him.

(y/n):that's the reason I want to help you Thorin, I want to help you achieve what I cannot- you said, now the tremble of your voice being noticeable, you were smiling calmly at him but in your eyes there was a deep hurt, a pain he could identify in himself.

He then noticed that you were in similar situations, you've mentioned before how you appeared here unwillingly and how you didn't know your way back, now he new there was no way back for you.

That was the root of that glance, all of that pain. In your world you probably had friends, family; maybe the reason of your lack of sleep was because you dreamed about you homeland and yet you couldn't reach it. Just like him.

Before he could try to apologise or offer words of confort you had already went to your bedroll.

Now he understood, you were just as homeless as they were, and even though you were still willing to help others who were in a situation like yours.

After that night in which you opened to him he started to be a little more soft with you. Hell he even started to make small chat with you. At first there just things about your time in middle earth: places you visited, the experiences you had, in what you has worked all this time, what made you so attracted to magic. And of course you also question him about his life

You started to enjoy a lot more his company and also you started changing your opinion on him, now he was only half an asshole :)

But as time passed you conversations started to get a little more personal, he started to get curious about your home.

The improvement of your relationship with the leader of the company didn't go unnoticed. Fili and Kili were the first to notice, you both changed from fighting like sworn enemies to chatting like old friends. Also Balin, who was very observant, noticed how Thorin's gaze was softer whenever he talked to you, relaxed even.

One night he asked you a question about your world when all of you were eating, this obviously caught the attention of the others who stared bombarding you with questions about it. Your culture, gastronomy, customs, language, religion...

You spend all that night telling them about you world and most specific, your country.

You teach them simple words and expressions like:

Joder, hola, madre mía, adiós, amigo, montaña, flauta ...

Dwalin was the one who started implementing your insults to his vocabulary, and his brother, Balin sometimes greeted you in your native tongue.

Since you had shared so much about your culture with them, the dwarfs and the hobbit also started expressing more about their own cultures. Little words un Kuzdul were teached to you and Bilbo by Balin and Ori.

Bofur Kili and Fili teached you about some songs they liked to sing.

Thorin looked at the scene with happiness in his eyes, you were besides Ori, he was the one that got most involved with your language and was determined to learn it. His nephew's and Bilbo were beside you, hearing everything you were explaining about grammar.

He felt his heart warming, your melancholic glances were less and less each day and his ability to takes his eyes off you was weaker each passing day.

That night the both of you had to stay on watch again, the difference was that, unlike 6 moths ago the atmosphere was no longer tense. You had share a lot of yourself with him, the longing for your family, for the landscapes of your city for the feeling of a home. And he had reciprocated your trust with his own.

He got lost in your concentrated face as you draw some simple runes to show him how they worked, it was there when he realised he loved you, he loved your dedication, he loved you strengt, he loves your sarcastic comments, your witty tongue and overall you will power.

He could not replace your home but he wished that once he Erebor was retaken he could offer you one, with him in the mountain.