#humanexperiences

[greatpacificbooks]

Book For Sale ~ Art Fettig 1986 Only Hurts When I Frown Funny Happy Loving Life *Positive Living | eBay https://www.ebay.com/itm/385318256073

#humor #wit #life #truth #irony #feelings #growingup #growingold #golden #ArtFettig #living #loving #humanexperiences #books #forsale

[yogadaily]

(via self-awareness is 🗝 in 2023 | How to start yoga, Yoga philosophy, Yoga inspiration   || Curated with love by yogadaily)

[lindseystirlingmkultraproject]

Intro: What is Project MKUltra

This is an excerpt from an article officially published by wikipedia, so the issue is not something hidden or a "conspiracy" but a real human experiment. ORIGIN Project MKUltra (or MK-Ultra) was an illegal human experimentation program designed and undertaken by the U.S. Central Intelligence Agency (CIA) and intended to develop procedures and identify drugs that could be used during interrogations to weaken people and force confessions through brainwashing and psychological torture. It began in 1953 and was halted in 1973. MKUltra used numerous methods to manipulate its subjects' mental states and brain functions, such as the covert administration of high doses of psychoactive drugs (especially LSD) and other chemicals without the subjects' consent, electroshocks, hypnosis, sensory deprivation, isolation, verbal and sexual abuse, and other forms of torture. It began in 1953 and, supposedly was halted in 1973 but reality tells otherwise. According to Stephen Kinzer, the CIA project "was a continuation of the work begun in WWII-era Japanese facilities and Nazi concentration camps on subduing and controlling human minds." Kinzer writes that MKUltra's use of mescaline on unwitting subjects was a practice that Nazi doctors had begun in the camps at Auschwitz and Dachau. Kinzer gives evidence of the continuation of a Nazi agenda, citing the CIA's secret recruitment of Nazi torturers and vivisectionists to continue experimenting on thousands of subjects, and Nazis were brought to Fort Detrick, Maryland, to instruct CIA officers on the lethal uses of sarin gas. The Soviet Union also contributed greatly to the motivation for this project; according to CIA director Allen Dulles, fear of "Soviet brain perversion techniques" was palpable. The CIA wanted to verse itself in this type of "mind control" to be able to recognize and use it in case of a conflict with the USSR. Fear of the enemy ran rampant among Americans, especially upon the sharp increase in PTSD in Korean prisoners of war. The damage inflicted on these survivors was so severe that mind control was thought to be the culprit. SCALE OF THE PROJECT One 1955 MKUltra document gives an indication of the size and range of the effort. It refers to the study of an assortment of mind-altering substances described as follows: Substances which will promote illogical thinking and impulsiveness to the point where the recipient would be discredited in public. Substances which increase the efficiency of mentation and perception. Materials which will prevent or counteract the intoxicating effect of alcohol. Materials which will promote the intoxicating effect of alcohol. Materials which will produce the signs and symptoms of recognized diseases in a reversible way so they may be used for malingering, etc. Materials which will render the induction of hypnosis easier or otherwise enhance its usefulness. Substances which will enhance the ability of individuals to withstand privation, torture, and coercion during interrogation and so-called "brain-washing". Materials and physical methods which will produce amnesia for events preceding and during their use. Physical methods of producing shock and confusion over extended periods of time and capable of surreptitious use. Substances which produce physical disablement such as paralysis of the legs, acute anemia, etc. Substances which will produce "pure" euphoria with no subsequent let-down. Substances which alter personality structure in such a way the tendency of the recipient to become dependent upon another person is enhanced. A material which will cause mental confusion of such a type the individual under its influence will find it difficult to maintain a fabrication under questioning. Substances which will lower the ambition and general working efficiency of men when administered in undetectable amounts. Substances which promote weakness or distortion of the eyesight or hearing faculties, preferably without permanent effects. A knockout pill which can be surreptitiously administered in drinks, food, cigarettes, as an aerosol, etc., which will be safe to use, provide a maximum of amnesia, and be suitable for use by agent types on an ad hoc basis. A material which can be surreptitiously administered by the above routes and which in very small amounts will make it impossible for a person to perform physical activity. EXPERIMENTS ON AMERICANS

CIA documents suggest that they investigated "chemical, biological, and radiological" methods of mind control as part of MKUltra. They spent an estimated $10 million or more, roughly $87.5 million adjusted for inflation. DRUGS Early CIA efforts focused on LSD-25, which later came to dominate many of MKUltra's programs. Another technique investigated was the intravenous administration of a barbiturate into one arm and an amphetamine into the other.[62] The barbiturates were released into the person first, and as soon as the person began to fall asleep, the amphetamines were released. Other experiments involved heroin, morphine, temazepam (used under code name MKSEARCH), mescaline, psilocybin, scopolamine, alcohol and sodium pentothal. HIPNOSIS Declassified MKUltra documents indicate they studied hypnosis in the early 1950s. Experimental goals included creating "hypnotically induced anxieties", "hypnotically increasing ability to learn and recall complex written matter", studying hypnosis and polygraph examinations, "hypnotically increasing ability to observe and recall complex arrangements of physical objects", and studying "relationship of personality to susceptibility to hypnosis". They conducted experiments with drug-induced hypnosis and with anterograde and retrograde amnesia while under the influence of such drugs. SECRET DETENTION CAMPS In areas under American control in the early 1950s in Europe and East Asia, mostly Japan, Germany and the Philippines, the CIA created secret detention centers so that the U.S. could avoid criminal prosecution. The CIA captured people suspected of being enemy agents and other people it deemed "expendable" (which means that they could kill the prisoners without any explanation) to undertake various types of torture and human experimentation on them. The prisoners were interrogated while being administered psychoactive drugs, electroshocked and subjected to extremes of temperature, sensory isolation and the like to develop a better understanding of how to destroy and to control human minds. Final Note We consider this introductory article to be of considerable length. We will continue with more details shortly. We accept constructive comments.

Profanity, discrediting, false accusations, etc. they will be deleted.

Free expression consists in respecting the thought of others, not in censoring just because you don’t like them.

See you soon.

Blue.

[lyraniisdump]

we humans

we humans are constantly intertwined body and soul because our hands are constantly outstretched. we can't help but spread our fingers and open our palms, our hands were made for love. why else would your fingers interlock with mine and never really let go not even if you forget me. not even if we both fade out together. we humans are built to facilitate love we have no maximum capacity, if I love you I will always love you. and if you love me, you'll think of me fondly when you hear my favourite song.

[bartoszbeda]

An abstract painting by Bartosz Beda

An abstract painting by Bartosz Beda My artwork reflects inner conflicts and invites you to explore the depths of human experience. 🎨🖼️ Read the full article

[spiritualsoul1969]

The Illusion of Truth: What We Know May Not Be Real

Sant Kabir’s doha, “Suna sunai sab baatein, jaise phool chandan jaye; Tera bhi satya nahin, jhooth hai, jhooth hai,” presents a profound insight into the nature of truth and perception. He points out that much of what we hear and believe is as fleeting as the fragrance of sandalwood, fading away without a lasting impact. The truth we hold dear, our personal narratives, is often just an illusion—a construct of our limited minds. This teaching delves into the heart of human experience and challenges us to question the stories we tell ourselves and the truths we cling to.

In our daily lives, we gather our understanding of the world from external sources—what we hear, observe, and absorb from society. These external truths, Sant Kabir suggests, are like the fleeting fragrance of sandalwood: pleasant and comforting but impermanent and, ultimately, an illusion. They do not define reality, yet we often attach great importance to them, shaping our beliefs, choices, and sense of identity based on this ephemeral information.

Sant Kabir is not merely dismissing external knowledge but is asking us to look deeper. He reveals that our attachment to these heard or learned truths is the root of our misunderstanding. We believe these stories because they align with our conditioning or the lens through which we view the world. But the moment we pause and reflect, we see that these “truths” are not absolute—they are interpretations, shaped by time, culture, and personal biases.

This doha pushes us to realize that even our own personal truths—what we believe about ourselves and the world—may not be the ultimate truth. Our perceptions are often coloured by desires, fears, and past experiences. We think we know who we are, but that self-image is often a collection of borrowed ideas, societal expectations, and self-deception. What Sant Kabir encourages us to explore is the idea that true reality lies beyond these surface-level truths.

Dissolving the Ego’s Stories: Finding Authenticity

One of the most difficult yet transformative realizations in spiritual growth is understanding that the stories we hold about ourselves—our successes, failures, likes, dislikes—are often constructed by the ego. The ego seeks validation, control, and security by attaching itself to these stories. But these stories can trap us, keeping us from experiencing the true essence of life, which exists beyond labels and personal narratives.

Sant Kabir’s message asks us to let go of the need for definitive truths, to question everything we hold onto, and, in doing so, to dissolve the ego’s grip. He invites us to realize that the “I” we cling to, the identity built on stories, is an illusion—just like the transient fragrance of sandalwood. By recognizing the illusion of these personal truths, we open ourselves to a more profound experience of reality—one that is not defined by fleeting ideas but by a deeper connection with existence.

The Space Beyond the Mind: Where True Understanding Resides

When we stop identifying with the stories in our mind, we move into a space of stillness, a space beyond thought. In this space, the need to label and define dissolves. This is where Sant Kabir’s teaching leads us—to a place where we can see that what we thought was the truth was just a story, and beyond that story is a vast, peaceful awareness.

This is not about rejecting the world or denying practical truths; rather, it’s about recognizing the limitations of the mind and the ego in comprehending ultimate reality. True understanding comes not from gathering more knowledge but from letting go of the need to cling to knowledge. It is about surrendering to the moment, accepting the flow of life, and finding peace in the present.

A Practical Toolkit for Navigating Personal Illusions

To integrate Kabir’s wisdom into your daily life, here’s a practical toolkit to help you question and transcend the personal illusions you may hold:

Daily Reflection: Begin each day by reflecting on one belief or story you hold about yourself or the world. Ask yourself, “Is this really true?” By regularly questioning your assumptions, you start to see how many of them are based on fear, ego, or societal conditioning.

Silent Observation: Set aside 10-15 minutes a day to sit in silence. During this time, simply observe your thoughts without attaching to them. Notice how they arise, change, and fade away, just like the fragrance of sandalwood. This practice helps cultivate detachment from the mind’s stories and opens up a deeper awareness.

Gratitude Without Expectation: Practice gratitude for things as they are, without the need to label them as “good” or “bad.” By accepting life without the mind’s constant judgment, you begin to dissolve the illusions that hold you back from experiencing true peace.

Ego Awareness Practice: Whenever you feel emotionally charged—whether with anger, pride, or insecurity—pause and ask yourself, “What story is my ego telling me right now?” Simply becoming aware of the ego’s narrative begins the process of detachment from it.

Letting Go of Labels: Choose one aspect of your identity each week (e.g., “I am a professional,” “I am successful,” “I am smart”) and consciously loosen your attachment to it. Explore who you are beyond that label. By doing this regularly, you will gradually disidentify from the limiting stories you’ve built around yourself.

Forgiveness Ritual: Every night, write down one thing you forgive yourself for, along with one thing you forgive others for. Forgiveness helps release the mind’s attachment to past stories and clears the path for authentic living.

Truth Meditation: Focus on a simple phrase like “I am not my thoughts, I am not my stories.” Repeat it during meditation and allow yourself to let go of identifying with the mental noise. This will guide you toward a more profound sense of being.

Non-Attachment Challenge: Each day, challenge yourself to let go of one material or emotional attachment. Whether it’s your attachment to an outcome, a belief, or a possession, practice surrendering it. This helps break down the ego’s reliance on external validation.

By incorporating these practices into your daily life, you’ll begin to see the transient nature of personal truths. Sant Kabir’s wisdom offers us a way to break free from the mind’s stories and illusions, guiding us toward a more authentic and peaceful existence. This journey is not about acquiring more knowledge but about stripping away the illusions that prevent us from seeing the truth that already resides within.

[sliceoflife-stories-blog]

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[greg-1010]

To Be Human: The Role of Suffering in Personal Growth with Jennah-Louise Salkeld

Join Jennah-Louise Salkeld in "To Be Human," a profound exploration of the essential role suffering plays in personal growth. In this thought-provoking discussion, Jennah-Louise delves into the concept that suffering, while often painful and challenging, is a vital part of the human experience that can lead to profound transformation and self-discovery.

Through personal anecdotes, philosophical insights, and practical advice, Jennah-Louise explores how embracing suffering rather than avoiding it can open the door to resilience, empathy, and deeper understanding of oneself and others. This conversation is for anyone seeking to find meaning in their struggles and turn pain into a catalyst for growth. Tune in to discover how suffering can be a powerful teacher on your journey to becoming more fully human, and learn how to navigate life's hardships with grace and courage.

[digitalmarketing000]

Socical Media App Development

With this in-depth guide, take a deep dive into the world of social network app creation. Regardless of your level of experience as a developer, this resource includes all the information you want to design captivating and intuitive social media programs. Find professional advice, best practices, and real-world examples to help you thrive in this competitive and dynamic environment, from developing user-friendly interfaces to adding strong features. Save this page now to have quick access to priceless tips and techniques.

[wendel-luxes-worldly-wondering]

The Last Imagination

by: Wendel Lux

For a while, Little Bobby played on the sun-bleached play rug. Driving his matchbox car through the flat, yet to him, three-dimensional streets. 

He imagines people and creatures living in a utopia. They all eat cotton candy and never have to wear oxygen tanks to go outside.

He imagines this, instead of the warm stagnation that seemed to pervade all bounds.

Most animal life had died out, because of the loss of the Amazon rainforests and the bleaching extinction of the Great Barrier Reefs.

Amber waves of grain, that before, held an ungovernable rot—sit arid and defunct. Most forms of germination, having stopped from the heat.

In his small hand, the car shown rust and decay, the result of mass evaporation and acid rain. He had played outside, once or twice, before the rains became too corrosive for inhabitation.

In the small base suburb house, he played for hours, winding his way through bleached buildings and curves and roundabouts.

Stopping, every once in a while—to allow an imaginary old person or a plastic creature a safe chance to cross the road. 

December of 2023, his birth month, and a bad time for Gaia. The start of World War 3…

With the war of Ukraine having lasted into the 2030s, fallout appeared inescapable. And after “War Isn’t Murder” became the anthem for the anti-zionist, the world all but woke up…

One might have thought that the smell of decay and decomposition in the streets—and that an actual holocaust is reoccurring—would have snapped the sheep from their stupor of racial extermination. 

Yet, in no way was this the case.

By 2027, the air had grown thick and heavy. It was as if the Earth itself had stopped breathing. 

The tipping point was 2023, a fact. Bobby lost his parents a couple years later, in the coordinated attacks on Air Force bases around the world.

The heat caused children to grow weak hearts, if unconditioned—and with no parents, Bobby had been confined to a cell of sorts. A large room, conditioned just right for his body.

These were perhaps the last sights Bobby's young eyes beheld—before the heat suffocated the rest of existence. 

The streets full of viscera and carrion… 

The ICC, finally, ruling it all genocide.

Biden saying, “that’s outrageous.”

Bobby raised a Christian, had been saved at a young age—in a good Fundamental Baptist church 

The sad truth—the years after 2023 were the start of the apocalypse.

Most of the Christians were unaware that their religious zeal had been among the most harmful, suffocating everyone—robbing them of their passions and their zeal.

Satan had a grip on them. The same enemy, which they feared—had infiltrated their ranks.

He spent years building an army of sheep, training their pastors in wicked rhetoric. That silenced women and encouraged hateful rhetoric against that which was different.

The seven years of apocalypse began, October 7th, 2023. In no way was the Bible an encouragement, it was the devil’s horror story—in sheep’s clothing. 

By 2030, the architects' plans written in stone, the world sailed towards destruction.

The carnival of rust began the moment the oceans evaporated.

The Israelites saw that their messiah had yet to return, and ran from Zion the moment the Hamas militants said “nuclear.”

The deserts spread, supercharged by rapid deforestation. The release of carbon monoxide destroyed all life, and as the temperature rose, so did the amount of desertification. 

Winds became most erratic—increasing erosion and pushing the deserts deep into civilization, as it was.

The axis change of Earth had begun to affect the seasons and things became catastrophically extreme.

The Bible was accurate, in at least one respect… the world would end in a hellscape.

Though, seeing things in retrospect, no one would have thought that religious dogma and political rhetoric would spell the end of things…

Right, Margaret? Right, Ray? Right, George? Right, Stephen?

No one would have called that…

(crossposted for free on Medium)

[harmonyhealinghub]

The Message of Pain: Listening to the Whispers of Emotional and Physical Discomfort May 18, 2024 Shaina Tranquilino

In the fabric of human existence, pain is an undeniable thread, intricately woven into our lives. It comes in various forms—emotional anguish that grips the soul, and physical suffering that strains the body. While often unwelcome, pain carries profound messages, urging us to pause, reflect, and attend to what truly matters. In this exploration, we delve into the profound significance of pain, both emotional and physical, as messengers guiding us toward growth, healing, and self-awareness.

The Whisper of Emotional Pain

Emotional pain, though invisible to the eye, echoes loudly within the chambers of our hearts. It manifests through grief, heartache, anxiety, and a myriad of other sentiments that weigh heavily on our spirits. Yet, behind the veil of distress lies a poignant message—a call to acknowledge and confront the underlying sources of our suffering.

When we experience emotional pain, it serves as a signal—a gentle tap on the shoulder, urging us to delve deeper into our inner landscape. It prompts us to explore our past wounds, unresolved conflicts, and unmet needs. Instead of masking the discomfort with distractions or numbing agents, embracing the pain allows us to embark on a journey of self-discovery and emotional healing.

Moreover, emotional pain fosters empathy and compassion, connecting us to the universal human experience. By embracing our vulnerability and acknowledging our struggles, we cultivate authentic connections with others, forging bonds rooted in understanding and empathy.

The Language of Physical Pain

In the realm of physical existence, pain manifests as a visceral reminder of our mortality and fragility. It manifests through injuries, illnesses, and bodily discomfort, disrupting the rhythm of our daily lives. Yet, beneath the surface, physical pain communicates a profound message—a plea for attention, care, and self-preservation.

When we experience physical pain, it compels us to listen to our bodies—to heed the whispers of discomfort and address the underlying causes. Whether it's a sharp pang or a dull ache, pain serves as a beacon, guiding us towards actions that promote healing and restoration.

Furthermore, physical pain underscores the importance of self-care and holistic well-being. It reminds us to prioritize our health, adopt healthy habits, and cultivate a harmonious balance between mind, body, and spirit. By honoring the messages encoded within physical pain, we embark on a journey of self-care and vitality, nurturing ourselves from the inside out.

Embracing the Wisdom of Pain

In the tapestry of human existence, pain is not merely a burden to bear but a profound teacher, imparting invaluable lessons along the way. Whether emotional or physical, pain serves as a catalyst for growth, transformation, and self-awareness. It invites us to confront our innermost fears, embrace our vulnerabilities, and cultivate resilience in the face of adversity.

To harness the wisdom of pain, we must adopt a mindset of curiosity and compassion. Instead of shunning discomfort or seeking quick fixes, we must lean into the discomfort, listening attentively to the messages it conveys. Through introspection, self-reflection, and acts of self-care, we can decode the language of pain, uncovering hidden truths and embracing the fullness of our human experience.

Ultimately, pain is not our adversary but our ally—an ever-present guide illuminating the path towards wholeness, authenticity, and inner peace. By embracing the messages of pain with open hearts and minds, we unlock the door to profound healing and transformation, forging a deeper connection to ourselves and the world around us.

In the symphony of life, let us heed the whispers of pain, for within its depths lies the wisdom of the human spirit, beckoning us towards greater understanding, compassion, and resilience.

[leonys1713]

"Give yourself a break. Stop beating yourself up! Everyone makes mistakes, has setbacks and failures. You don’t come with a book on how to get it right all the time" - Les Brown

[yogadaily]

(via self-awareness is 🗝 | How to start yoga, Yoga philosophy, Yoga inspiration   || Curated with love by yogadaily) 

[normally0]

Metaphorical Narratives: Unravelling the Theory of Architectural Assemblage

In 1985, Hans Hollein unveiled an intriguing installation on the façade of the Künstlerhaus in Vienna, marking a unique case of material speculation within architecture. This installation, part of the 'Traum und Wirklichkeit, Wien 1870-1930' exhibition, showcased the incorporation of 'historical' elements into contemporary architectural practice.

At the heart of this installation was a deliberate reassembly of carefully chosen 'historical' forms, creating what can be described as a 'fragmentary whole.' One notable inclusion was the golden female figure representing Gustav Klimt's 'Medicine,' originally part of the controversial ceiling paintings for the University of Vienna; now replaced with the figure of Justice from the Old Bailey in London by EW Mountford symbolizing a shift in narrative, evoking themes of power, balance, and justice.

Similarly, the architectural form replicated on the right side of the installation, originally from Karl-Marx-Hof, is replaced with the Spittelau Viaducts Housing by Zaha Hadid Architects. This adaptation reflects the evolving architectural landscape of Vienna in the 21st century, highlighting the city's embrace of contemporary design while maintaining its historical roots.

Hans Hollein's Vienna installation transcends mere architectural experimentation; it becomes a profound exploration of the metaphorical underpinnings of assemblage in both architecture and history. At its core, assemblage theory posits that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts, suggesting that disparate fragments can be recontextualized to create new narratives and meanings. In the context of Hollein's work, this theory takes on rich and nuanced dimensions, offering insights into the intersections between architecture, history, and culture.

Architectural assemblage, as exemplified by Hollein's installation, embodies the idea of architectural eclecticism, where diverse architectural elements are brought together to form a cohesive whole. Each fragment, whether historical or contemporary, carries its own narrative, imbued with layers of meaning and symbolism. Through assemblage, these fragments are juxtaposed and reconfigured, inviting viewers to engage with the interplay between past and present, tradition and innovation.

Metaphorically, architectural assemblage becomes a reflection of the human experience, where individual memories, experiences, and identities converge to shape collective narratives. In the same way that Hollein's installation combines disparate architectural elements, our lives are shaped by a multitude of influences, ranging from personal experiences to cultural heritage. Like fragments in an assemblage, these influences come together to form the complex tapestry of human existence.

Moreover, the act of assembling disparate elements in architecture mirrors the process of historical interpretation and representation. History itself is an assemblage of narratives, where different perspectives and interpretations converge to form a collective understanding of the past. By recontextualizing historical fragments within architectural installations, Hollein challenges viewers to reconsider conventional historical narratives and question the ways in which history is constructed and remembered.

In this sense, architectural assemblage becomes a metaphor for the fluidity and multiplicity of history, highlighting the contingent nature of historical truths and the power of interpretation. Through assemblage, Hollein invites viewers to become active participants in the construction of meaning, encouraging them to explore the complexities of architecture, history, and identity in a dynamic and interactive way.

In conclusion, Hollein's Vienna installation serves as a powerful testament to the metaphorical potential of architectural assemblage. By reimagining architectural fragments within new contexts, Hollein invites viewers to engage with the rich tapestry of human experience and history, challenging them to reconsider established narratives and embrace the complexities of the past and present.

[autumnalreverieblog]

The Human Experience

I wrote in my diary once that I almost wish someone would read it without my knowledge. It seems obsolete to put all this work into recording my thoughts, hopes, etc only for it to decay once I'm gone.

Yet, because I've obviously put private and embarrassing things in there, if I knew that someone read it, I wouldn't be able to face them again.

But there is still a part of me that hopes someone has read it, or that they will one day. I have this theory that, if people can know and understand another's motivations, reasons, past experiences, then they understand the person better (duh). There would be less arguments, less fights, less miscommunication. In the minor situations I mean, I don't apply this to how wars begin or anything.

I grew up in a family with a lot of fighting and arguments. I'm not sure how much more compared to the average experience, but I'm quite confident it was too much. We fought because one sister bothered the other. We fought mum because we didn't want to go to school. We fought our stepdad because we were bored, or because we felt wronged in some way. Many, if not most, of our fights were parents' vs children because of housework, or the lack of help with it. I had meltdowns because I felt mum didn't want to spend time with me, which hurt on a deep level.

There is no shortage of the things we've fought about, and no way to know what the longest time we went without an argument to some degree is. If I had to guess, maybe 10 days. 14 at most, being generous. We fought about very minor things, and no less often about things that matter.

There were a lot of emotions involved. I am an emotional person; I feel everything to the nth degree. Maybe this is why I feel that the chaos of all the fighting I grew up in has left such a mark on me now. The harsh words, the cruel tones, the faces pulled, can cause such a physical feeling of distress, fight or flight, pure rage, heartache, that I physically don't know how to control myself. I would scream, cry, speak heinous and cruel words, self-harm, to try to alleviate my emotional pain.

On a scale of depression, neutral and manic, I could go from neutral to manic in record speed.

The same applies to positive emotions also. My joys, my happiest highs, excitements, can feel supernatural too. When I was younger and looking forward to something, say an upcoming holiday or Christmas, I took myself for sprints until I was puffed and could run no more. Even afterwards I was still buzzing, only feeling less like I would combust from all the exhilaration in my body.

It's probably the closest to being high on drugs I can imagine. Now I have the same feeling when I'm out running, listening to the perfect speedy heavy metal song and totally happy with my life. Pure, unblemished ecstasy powering me to run long and fast.

So much emotion, to such an extent that it feels like it takes over. Am I an emotionally driven person? Likely.

I suppose there's the benefits and drawbacks to that. I certainly must take responsibility for my downright wickedness in moments of anger. However I love that I can feel so overcome by happiness sometimes that I can run for days on that adreniline high.

I made up some totally stupid (read: unscientific) scale to measure this when I was chatting with my sister a few nights ago; the aforementioned depressed, neutral and manic scale. If I am naturally inclined to some degree of mania, my guess is that she is drawn to depression.

I cannot tell you if this is natural for her or if she's been conditioned to it. I admittedly was the star of the show between us. My emotions came first. I had to be kept neutral otherwise my parents would have to help this out of control, upset kid. I wonder if even now I still think I should come first partly due to this reason? I say this to my own shame.

If I was the main character, my quiet and unobtrusive sister would be the supporting role. The easy to ignore, reliable one. She's grown up to be independent and self-reliant. I can list how this is both helpful and harmful for her.

So whether by nature or nurture, she falls on the depressed side of the scale. Depressed, not meaning a state of sadness but rather numbness. A more muted sense of feelings. A quieter joy. A brewing anger, not an instant rage.

While I embrace the help of others and readily share all aspects of my life with them, she keeps to herself.

While that bothers me sometimes (though it shouldn't), it also makes her all the more interesting to me. Such lack of output makes me want to know what is going on. What are her motivations, reasons, past experiences shaping the way she thinks?

She intrigues me this way, but not as much as mum does. I don't know my life without my sister, so though I have gaps in my knowledge, given our close relationship and shared upbringing, I can deductively reason and guess what I don't know.

Mum had a whole life full of experiences prior to my being able to comprehend the world around me. What did she do before me? What was the order of events? Why did you work there, how did you meet him, what did you think about this? What has shaped your way of thinking? I have the longest list of things I want to know about the person who raised me and has shown me more unconditional love than anyone. Yet for whatever reason, she mostly has shut her past life and important opinions off to questions. I hope I can learn all this one day.

Do I say all this to conclude that those who keep quiet are more interesting people? By no means. I know I'm an interesting person, especially when I think about the things I did in the first years of my twenties. People would eat. that. up.

I work with someone who seemingly needs to keep talking just to stay alive. I think she's awesome, and though I know so much already, I am dead certain that she's only scratched the surface of things to say. There's heaps to know.

I read a quote the other day,

"A wonderful fact to reflect upon, that every human creature is constituted to be that profound secret and mystery to every other.'

-Charles Dickens, A Tale of Two Cities.

Any person you talk to can tell you about their life and inner thoughts and I guarantee you will not be bored. Even a child will say something that is interesting and different to every other person.

Biographies are popular because we enjoy reading about the human experience. Often it is only the extraordinary stories that make it into bestselling books, however I strongly believe that if a writer were to interview any random off the street, that person's life story would enthral you. We are most interesting to each other.

So having said all this, if only we knew more about one other! After so many of the arguments and fights I grew up with, especially those caused by miscommunication or misunderstanding, I remember lamenting that no one understood. If only I knew that my mother's distress about the undone dishes stemmed from her anxiety of being a failure. If only my sister would've realised the reason I wanted her to join me in an activity was so we could have a timeless memory together, she would choose than over routine YouTube viewing.

I've written mostly in terms of my experience as a child. As an adult now, things are better. I can interpret people's body language for clues to their reasoning. I have experience behind me, and I know my loved ones more.

Yet so much remains a mystery. I understand why we keep so much to ourselves. Sharing is vulnerable. That's why I won't be handing anyone my diary or Tumblr link any time soon. But should they stumble upon it, be curious and have a read, they'll understand me that bit more. Isn't that what we all crave, to be understood? To know more about those we share our lives with? So, this is my permission to read my diary. Just don't tell me.

[fhealync]

It's more than OK, it's human. 🌹 Embrace the imperfect journey of life, where bad days, personal choices, authenticity, and flaws weave the tapestry of your story