#hugs them all to my chest
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#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun maximum#trigun stampede#hugs them all to my chest#god the first episode of stampede got me so excited#zed art
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re: raised in amphibia marcy who is nothing but the cores host
beyond the psychological stuff im also thinking about the physical. the evil science possibilities. im just like. canonically its hinted that the core did stuff to marcys body just in the few months it had her to make its vessel more suitable. the plug ports that were apparently in her limbs bc otherwise she would be getting stabbed by those things. "this thing needs some calibration" about marcys body??? what did it mean by that??? and like u mention her being wired up to it in the original ask
anyways im up here thinking abt how much it mightve done to her if it had her for that long. if it had the same plug things installed in her limbs as she seemed to in canon shed probably need replacements if they happened when she was young enough and grew significantly since then.
also my mom used to work in the brain-computer interface industry and well. to get really any level of highly detailed or accurate data, let alone on the scale youd need to fully interface with the entire brain, you would absolutely need to have direct access to the brain rather than trying to go through the skull. theres no way this girl doesnt have a port of some kind implanted in her head for the core to directly connect to her brain.
hell maybe it doesnt wanna deal with biological organs and the problems that might arise from them. no big deal itll just have them replaced!
Aaaaagh dude i love your asks. Galaxy brain asks from my galaxy friend mutual.
Anyway. Yes i I have thought quite a bit about Marcy's whole deal. What Andrias cares about is her brainnnn that blob of grey matter that's somehow a biological supercomputer. He has no qualms in eventually getting rid of the body and keeping the brain in a jar, immortalized as an invaluable piece of hardware with the help of some shadowfish biotechnology (shhh lemme tell you a secret: he actually does care for her and love her and takes no joy in hurting her. He just doesn't love her enough to save her :3). Anyway, unfortunately, when he found this thing, her brain was surprisingly underseveloped. He had a vague awareness that the unfortunate coincidence of bipedism and viviparity so characteristic of homo sapiens resulted in them giving birth to useless, half-developed fetuses (as opposed to fully mature, egg-born pollywogs), but surely, by age three, a human would be more mature, right? He checked his archives on alien biology and, indeed, no. An average human's brain isn't fully developed until around age 25. Marcy may be smart, but she's still, by all accounts, a homo sapiens pollywog. He consults the Core. The Core wants a host. They want a body, and they want this brain. They will do with just the brain, is Andrias is too useless to secure them the body, but even if they're willing to wait for another body (stronger, bigger, more amphibian) to come around eventually, they know it won't work as well as with the original brain-body combination.
He decides to raise Marcy to be 25. He keeps her mind sharp and body healthy, or as healthy as possible. She undergoes many week-long sessions unconscious and connected to all sorts of wires as tubes. It's so normal for her, that by age 6 she knew how to get on top of the plataform or into the tank without falling, and how to put on her own oxygen mask. She always woke up feeling weak and hungry when it was over, and with one killer headache, but her dad always held the biggest fests for her with all her favorite food when it was over! She always looked forward to her sessions. Like a dog.
In these sessions, she would undergo several procedures. There's mossman, shadowfish and amphibian biotechnology involved. The point is to 1) make her brain Core-friendly - if it has many dimensions that would make things easier! And 2) translate the data from the Core into something that can be run in a biological machine. For which they need to understand and explore said machine. She only has one port, in the back of her neck, hidden by her long hair. It connects straight into her spine and her brain. In essence, these are fitting sessions. The Core is trying out their new house. Ever since she was little, they actually did use her brain to run tests and perform different functions. Most of the times it was mostly to study it, but as she grew older, they began using her whenever a function required too much energy, whenever something that would take forever to load with its own equipment, would render almost instantly with hers. They never left any data behind, erasing all evidence of their presence, and they never fully transported anything to this new extension, using only copies of data with the original files safe in the Core. The point is to leave the Core behind eventually and fully move on to this new computer, but not yet.
A few funny side effects!
Her blood is slowly growing more and more green as the years pass. This actually has less do to with brain stuff, and more as early preparation for eternal youth and immortality. It's mean to make her last longer. When she first meets Anne at age 10 - 11, her blood is a brown-ish color, but by the time things blow up when she's like 13-14, it's just a gross green. Her kidneys filter it out with time and her blood returns to its original red color, and Anne and Sasha see her real skin color for the first time, since before she always had this weird green tint, but they didn't know enough about humans to tell it wasn't normal. Seeing her blush red instead of green for the first time is kinda magical.
Migraines! Especially after a session. Especially when she does something the Core wouldn't like, because despite how hard they try to erase their traces, Marcy's most primal survival instincts remember.
More indirect effect but going several weeks a year without eating can't be good for her. It makes her feel very tired, dizzy and weak, even if she's eating normally, because three days ago she was starving.
The port in the back of her neck itches a lot. After becoming queen, she asked the royal physician that put it her to remove it, but he was scared of leaving her paralyzed, since it was so deeply fused with her nervous system. Sasha still thinks she should've had the guy publicly excecuted or something.
Idk if it counts but ?? Andrias wouldn't touch her if she was sick, so Olivia often found ways to give her a fever in secret or something to spare her. She did it to protect her, but it does mean Marcy spent a big deal of her childhood in bed, recovering from a session or a light illness.
The Core communicates with her nervous system through electric signals, and even thought they don't want to harm it, they still make her muscles contract a lot so she feels super sobre afterwards lots of muscle pain all the time.
There is no helmet in this one. No indirect connection. When Andrias puts the Core in Marcy, he goes all the way. Straight into her brain! They got a new PC :3
#raised in amphibia au#amphibia#marcy wu#my posts#king andrias#the core#marcy harm#whump#just!!#she's just a piece of meat to them! literally!!#a piece of grey matter with a case of flesh and bone protecting it and supplying nutrients to it#to the Core Marcy's body is little more than a set of cables and connections keeping the Computer alive#transporting energy and oxygen and all that. something easily replaceable#it's so different from how Anne and Sasha see it - ''Marcy'' and ''Marcy's body'' as the same thing.#something to kiss and hug and protect. marcy is her hair when Anne ruffles it. her arms when Sasha teaches her to hold a sword#she's her feet when she trips and stumble and they catch her and when she happily runs towards them with all the grace of a newborn calf#it's the way she pinches her eyebrows and purses her lips when she's concentrated#her heart when she holds Sasha to her chest because she remembers Anne liked this - a warm hug. something amphibians can't give#but humans can#and it's incredibly how comforting it is. how hearing those steady beats can calm her#she's her hands when they write or flap or give Anne one terrible hairstyle after the next. even though Anne loves feeling them against her#scalp. loves the closeness. she never liked her grandfather or siblings touching her hair - she loved them but... they were a bit... slimy#marcy's hands are soft and dry and warm and clean#she's her eyes when they light up at the promise of knowledge#or a puzzle to solve#or a game to play#or when she sees her two loves#she's her smile when they kiss her. when Anne picks her up and spins her around and Sasha grabs her bridal style or carries her on her back#she'll be safe as long as she's with them :) right? :)
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watching the outsiders after 10+ years as an adult hits so hard, i don’t even want to finish the ending. 😭
#the outsiders#i need to give them all a hug#they’re just kids man#they trying to survive#i love how they’re all down for each other#alexa play i bet on losing dogs by mitski#johnny cade#ponyboy curtis#darry curtis#sodapop curtis#dallas winston#two bit mathews#steve randle#greasers#like my chest hurt watching this again#there was more crying than simping guys
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writing share - body horror edition
So, the lovely, amazing @space-writes expressed interest in reading my fucked-up body horror that I wrote last night/early this morning, and who am I to deny a friend? So, here you go:
A brief bit of context: Just under two days ago, Sigmar, Rook's beloved mentor and kinda-sorta father figure, ended up being revealed as a corpse being puppeted by the BBEG, Dr. Purity. The rest of the party brutally killed him while Rook watched. (Via tooth and claw, and also a sonic shockwave from a magic guitar.) And just today, Warren, the party gunslinger, a werewolf and Rook's other kinda-sorta father figure, died (like perma-forever, never-coming-back died) in order to save Rook's life. (Or rather, in order to resurrect Rook, since he was dead at the time.) Now Rook is extremely sleep-deprived and also being affected by mind-altering parasites, two factors that are working together to give him some pretty vivid and fucked-up hallucinations.
(fair warning, this isn't written out fully to the best of my abilities because this scene hasn't happened yet. So this is just my description of what Rook will be seeing and hearing, not a full prose write-up with his internal thoughts and all that. I will almost certainly do that after next week's session, though, so let me know if you want to see that then.)
major tw for extreme body horror under the cut (also emotional manipulation/guilt-tripping)
Rook hears a strange sound, like clumsy, disjointed footsteps. He looks around wildly for the source of the sound and freezes. Out of the hallway we have just come from looms a horrible sight: Sigmar's corpse is lurching towards him, somehow propelling itself on shattered limbs. All of his joints are dislocated, giving his body a freakishly elongated appearance. His shredded clothes are soaked with blood, and every inch of his skin is covered in hundreds of claw and tooth marks, which are weeping blood. Black ichor drips from his mouth, and a web of dark black veins branch out across his face. Every inch he moves closer leaves a trail of blood behind him. He reaches out towards Rook with jagged, broken fingers, and says "Rook... your friends killed me. Slaughtered me like an animal." He takes another staggering step towards Rook, who backs away, shaking. "You promised to help me. You said you trusted me." He points an accusing finger at Rook. "I should never have come to you. I should have burned down Warren's house with you still inside. It's what the two of your deserve." As if on cue, another shape lurches out of the shadows of a hallway across the way. It's Warren. His chest has been blown open, his ribs pointing in every direction and the remains of his guts are dripping from the hole where his stomach used to be. Every inch of him is splattered in gore. He's missing one of his hands, the arm ending in a jagged point of bone instead. He opens his mouth to speak, revealing a mouth of pointed canine teeth. "Rook, you stupid bastard. I died for you. You." He bares his teeth and snarls at Rook, an animalistic sound that rattles him to his core. "We should have left you to rot in that fungi-infested hallway. You brought him to us," he glares pointedly at Sigmar. "You're the reason those two attacked us, attacked Cherry. You're the reason I'm dead. The reason Cherry won't ever have a father." Sigmar steps closer, looking Rook up and down. "Speaking of fathers, yours was right. You are a useless piece of shit." He spits in Rook's direction, then takes another step closer. Across the room, Warren moves to match him. "Traitor." "Liar," Sigmar adds as the two stalk closer. They're so close now, Rook can smell the scent of Warren's burnt flesh, of Sigmar's spilled blood. They're right in front of him now. He tries to shrink away, further into the corner, but to no avail. His limbs refuse to obey, and he stays frozen in place.
#morrigan.text#my writing#morrigan plays dnd#oc: Rook#*Liars#godddd there's so many little details to this that make it so much worse if you know all the context#like the fact that ''Sigmar'' did indeed know Rook's shitty abusive asshole father.#in reality when they met Sigmar told Rook that Rook's description of Alistair didn't sound like him but he did believe Rook and was kind.#but now Rook already hates himself so fucking much. He feels guilty for bringing Sigmar into the party and then Warren killed himself to#save him so he feels awful about that. And Warren wouldn't even have been put in that situation if Rook hadn't brought Sigmar along....#plus the description of Sigmar's corpse echoing the three ways he was tormented before he died:#the teeth and claws from Maka the shattered bones from Aki's guitar and the black veins and ichor from the poison from Hawthorne.#and Warren specifically killed himself by falling off a ledge and hugging his personal villain to his chest with a bomb between them.#hence the explosion-related descriptions.#and Sigmar calling Rook a liar even though that was their thing for each other....#goddd I can't with this shit.#and then the eulogy Rook is gonna deliver a bit after this? fucking makes me sick man. It's the most depressing thing I've ever written.#the funny thing is that Rook wasn't supposed to hate himself. He really wasn't. And then he ended up being my most self-loathing character#His og concept was to actually be pretty arrogant but I guess he had other plans lmao.#space I hope you like this.
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“I’ll be disqualified!”
#these aren’t the best but#:((((((#How he apologized😭#My son#Is that chest hair?#His lips are so plush#We didn’t get to see the others feelings about the situation much#But at the very least Bobby and Johnny should have ran out holding hands idc#I wish they all got away quicker#bobby brown#the karate kid#I love them sm#And Bobby deserves to have his red riding leader as much as Daniel deserves Johnny#let him make out with him sat on his bike with those nice lips. Better yet let him get a hug and smooch from all the Cobras#ot5 bc I know they got an apartment all together in another universe and they understand each other and nothing hurts
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LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF
#Casey my best friend Casey#giving them a hug and a chest binder#gave up on the background lol. it's just copy pasted from the reference#my art#we're all going to the world's fair#casey we're all going to the world's fair
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top 10 workouts for every murder time trio fan out there: dancing while singing each of xxtha's mtt songs (AUDGAHHHHHH IVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY FOR MY WHOLE LIFE)
#nobody but me understands#these 3 songs are now my favorite songs srsly#theyre all so amazing#and the lyrics are VANSON!!!! CANON(ISH) YES!!!!!#canon mtt songs......#nfhsnaaaaaaaa dies#triglycercule is gonna have a field day with this#that i am. that i am#the way that dust's song is called eye to eye#and his song constantly repeats that phrase because he became something similar to the human#but horror's is also more like how DARE YOU vibes. and also line about his own eye getting taken#and killer's is more like he literally cant see at all eye to eye with anybody and they cant see eye to eye with him#none of them will ever relate to eachother. because killer doesn't have the capacity with all his own issues#and horror doesnt think anyone would fully understand him or be worthy of. and dust just knows his situation is too crazy to relate to#aOg!nbn hugs them close to my chest. you three dont know just how similar you all are to eachother#if you just stopped being so paranoid and defensive and more forgiving you could all bond so well.........#but THEY DONT and thats what makes them so good. they cant because that would first mean forgiving themselves#and all of them hate themselves too much to ever think of doing that to another version of themself#the best thing ever made by the gods was making the murder time trio all originate from classic#it gives them SO many parallels its unbelievably amazing i love#continuation group my beloved. this is why they are the continuation group#in sorry these songs are making me bust a move and crash out from excitement I LOVE THIS#FINALLY FINALLY I HAVE SONGS FOR ALL THE TRIO!!!! YES!!!!!! DXUAGAHAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA#tricule rant
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another dream
#one day vic will hug him like that for real#my art#im just now realising that i post a lot of these two together#but barely anything at all since my first few posts of them about fletcher's massive huge crush and just how long he likes vic before they#actually start dating#it makes his chest ache far more than it should#untitled ocs#untitled ocs fletcher#untitled ocs vic#original characters#original character art#oc#ocs#oc art#art#digital art
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i owe my entire life to whoever filmed erika’s last show. that video is my everything <3 i see stars continues to reduce me to tears with every watch
#you can fucking see her crying all through the speech#see her crying through the song see her miss lines bc she’s too emotional#see the rest of the cast sobbing alongside her#the harmonies the dancing the staging the hugs the actual smiles#everyone fucking breaking character with their stage makeup streaming down their face#the final shot of her onstage looking around at everything grinning her face off#i turn into a mess#it’s like someone set my chest on fire#god i love mean girls so much SO much#erika henningsen i will never be able to explain the impact you’ve had on me#whoever filmed that bootleg i owe you everything#mean girls#tilda rambling#broadway#and the camera is so hd as well like they were PREPARED i thank them profusely
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...
#just got insanely and irrationally sad all of a sudden#i could use a hug#and a kudos on ao3 tbh#because it's about my fanart#i feel self-conscious about it#yeah i do make it for my own happiness and comfort#but it feels like my notes have been growing more and more barren and it does feel sad to understand that yeah#people move on#rarepair hell is hell for a reason#falling for older media sucks#yeah all of that#but when my own mind still turns habitually to the comfort characters and the comfort couple for comfort#i can't help but feel sad and as if it's no longer worth the effort#no longer worth the satisfaction#it feels weird and wrong to admit it. sorta like I'm expecting shit of people or guilt tripping them god forbid#but i just feel so irrationally sad#i will be getting it off my chest in the tags
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I love my cat sm
#💭 — ⌗nervo rambles . ★#tw vent#putting that there .....#but I went down a negative spiral and whenever I do that gender dysphoria kicks my ass#and Tuxiedo wasn't on my bed so all I could do was hold on to my plush and cry#but I felt him come and jump up on my bed from my window#and I turned around and he pretty much immediately came to lay on my chest#ik that he doesn't know something/someone putting weight on my chest rlly helps me when I get like this#(it helps with me not feeling hyper aware of my chest and is just a general comfort thing for me that rlly only my cat does)#but just having him do that comforted me a whole lot#and since he got off I'm just hugging said plush to my chest to try and help#which it does#but it's also led to me not being able to move even an inch bc I always get hyper aware of my chest#It always happens#I stay frozen when it gets rlly bad and I just just wanna throw up my insides and rip my hair out sometimes and I just hold my plush close#too much? probably#I get kinda violent to myself with my thoughts#very gorey would not recommend#but I'm not gonna say them in detail here#but yeah Tuxiedo getting up and comforting me was rlly nice#I love him :33#and my bad for getting negative on main fellas 🙏🙏#need to shower but who knows if that'll make my current horrendous gender dysphoria worse#(it will bc I have to look at myself in the mirror every time I go to get in the shower and I get sick just looking at myself)#also Over & Over by Rio Romeo rlly had to start playing during this 💀💀#“Over and over I fuck myself over” lyric hitting more than usual 💔💔
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re: the longing post
whenever this soul crushing heart rending feeling came up I always thought I felt TOO MUCH and wanted TOO MUCH out of life. something I could never ever hope to achieve. something entirely impossible
it still sometimes feels like it tbh, 2 decades of negative outside influence and resulting negative self talk are hard to undo in just a few years.
but sometimes there's a shimmer of hope. like one day. I will be bold enough to make what I long for Actually Happen. One Day.
#primarily about wanting to be physically closer to people i like. to show them how much i love them with actions#all the platonic but very earnest hugs and kisses and running my hand through their hair. petting and cuddling#still gotta figure out a way that doesn't feel too much like i'm a burden and weirdo#because i know all these actions read as utterly romantic and like i'd be making advances BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I WANT#i just want to show people i LOVE THEM SO SO SO MUCH#there's so much love inside of me it feels like i'm bursting at the seams BUT IDK HOW TO EXPRESS IT ALL AAAAAHHHH#also the general longing for a calm and comforting place to call home. I'VE NEVER FELT AT HOME WITH MY PARENTS EVER#IDK WHAT HOME FEELS LIKE BUT THERE'S A PAINFUL LONGING FOR IT IN MY CHEST. HAS BEEN FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER#and idk how to fix it!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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i need choso biblically
#.txt#.jjk#.choso#and when i say i need him between my legs I mean with his back pressed to my chest as we watch movies#I want to be the one to hold him#have him feel what a proper hug feels like#cuddling and all#be the one to teach him about all the ways you can show someone you love them#i just need him so bad...
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i think i'm kind of at a point now where i'm sick of being institutionalized, no matter how cushy of a situation this is.
i think i tend to have this sort of impostor syndrome about it, a back and forth of "oh, well at least i'm not in the psych ward", "at least i get to go outside", to just wishing that i could go home.
and i think both of these things can exist at the same time.
i'm grateful that i haven't been in the psych ward since november instead of where i am. and i am glad i get to go outside. i do like that there's a deck at this house, where i can sit outside and watch the sunrise/sunset, and play my guitar when it's not raining. i'm glad that we get to ride in the van to go to the center where we do group therapy, that there's a courtyard we can sit at in between groups, that i'm able to step outside and get fresh air if i need to.
but at the same time, i want to go home. i don't know where home is. i think my brain is associating "home" with back in santa cruz. at least for now, that's what i think of. it's the place where i've lived in the states the longest, since getting kicked out and flying there from korea when i was freshly 18.
that's what i mean by "home", i guess.
i want to sit in the garage at my friend's family's house. i guess they're my family too, my chosen family. they've been taking care of me since i landed on their doorstep in the middle of august 2019. i had about 300 dollars to my name; that was less than what i started with because i had to pay for my heavy luggage and my flight to san jose from seattle. i can't even remember how i got the money. i think i had saved up some from when i graduated that june.
i didn't have health insurance, i didn't have a bed, i had two suitcases and that was all, basically. i needed an inhaler. i needed a job. someone i knew (a former friend of a friend, that my friend group no longer associates with) introduced me to his mom, who was the manager of a grocery store about a 15 minute walk away. and she got me a job as a cashier.
anyways, the long backstory is something i can get into some other time.
the point is, my family, or at least, what i consider my family, is there. my friends are there. they're the first friend group larger than like 4 people who probably didn't even like me that i've ever had in my life. and they still enjoy having me around, though i tend to go back and forth on believing that.
so, i want to go home. i want to hug my friends, and be with my family. i want to stay up late watching episodes of community or new girl that we've all seen a dozen times, still laughing like it's our first time seeing it.
i want to sit on their kitchen floor, having a mixed drink with cheap vodka and trying to focus my brain while someone goes on a tangent that i can barely follow.
i want to do my obligatory ritual of going into their bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, not even a bit sober, take a selfie, then grip my hands on the sink, staring at my reflection.
this isn't your classic "drunk at a party, stare at yourself in the mirror and think about how your life is falling apart" moment.
this is a moment of joy. of ecstasy, though you'd never take the drug. the alcohol warms your chest, but so does the feeling of connection.
it's also the feeling of safety. of understanding. of caring for another. sitting someone down on the couch when they're too high, giving them a blanket and a pillow. being stupid and not telling your friends you were on acid until hours deep into your trip, startled at first when so many of them said so many variations of "dude, you have to let people know when you're tripping", but later understanding that they just wanted to take care of you. the late nights at one of their parties where you and a friend snuck out to the backyard table, sharing a joint and talking about music, a sliver of light being cast by a warm deck lamp.
catching your friend in your arms as they suddenly pass out after stumbling inside to recover from a fall in the bathroom, shielding them from almost hitting their head on the bathtub. your friend rushing over to help as they came to, hoisting them up and over to the couch. freezing instinctively as they had a seizure, because you had never seen one before, then having your hands out, wanting to cradle them as they had another.
being so lucky to have another friend that's an EMT, coming in and taking them in her car as they both went to the hospital.
having everyone gathered around out on the front porch, solo cups in hand, being forcibly shocked into sobriety, beady eyes looking around at each other.
hearing someone say "anyone need a cigarette?" and hearing a chorus of "yes, thank god," around you. you don't smoke anymore, because it makes you sick, but you did smoke that night. and poured yourself a drink, mostly vodka, with just a splash of ginger beer.
finding yourself staring in the mirror again, white knuckling the sink. looking over at the tile floor, suddenly feeling the weight of your friend's slumped body in your arms as you both fell to the floor. thinking of how they narrowly missed the corner of the bathtub. your heart is still racing.
you think of all of the events that lead you up to being in that moment. of being there to catch them in your arms. of having that gut feeling of "no, i don't think i'm gonna let them go to the bathroom alone." and being grateful you trusted your gut. things could've been way worse. you don't want to think about that.
i think it's situations like those where i feel like, even though it's kind of fucked up, so many pieces had to fall into just the right place in order for that to play out the way that it did.
and it all started with that connection. with that sense of community, that sense of belonging, that feeling of wanting to protect the ones you love. and knowing that you love them in the first place.
i want to be a part of that again.
#c.txt#missing my friends. i love them all dearly.#spent over 40 minutes typing this instead of peeing and grabbing dinner.#you know how it is#i guess the point is that i want to get out of here and hug my friends#to hug and squeeze them and rock them back and forth#to have one of your friends pick you up and laugh. feeling their laugh resonating in your chest.
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hi this is so random but i just wanted to say i always love reading your tags 🥺 you always make such funny comments and i love hearing about your day and your thoughts on each pic/video/gifset!! sorry i hope this isn't weird but yeah 😭
AAAAAAAA NOT WEIRD AT ALL, YOU'RE TOO SWEET, TY TY TY <333333333
I think I've mentioned before but if I don't talk, I'll explode so this fandom has been such incredible fun for me because I can talk a lot in the tags and not be too intrusive. So the idea that people read my rambling and enjoy it makes me:
#is it really a Catie post if the tags arent a paragraph long? I think not!#guys stopppppp youre gonna give me an egoooooo(/s)#i dont have any f1 friends irl except my brother who is uhhhh to say the least not exactly interested in the aspects im most interested in#so its so fun to communally freak out on here with all you guys!!!#if i dont leave a lot of tags its probably bcs its late and im tireed tbh or ive somehow exausted every possible thing i can say(not likely#but if you give me time i think i could write a paragraph of rambling about literally anything#hugging this ask holding this ask tight to my chest mwah mwah mwah#but god i love writing tags when im structuring a post writing the tags is like a reward for working on whatever#i just have many thoughts and to be able to put them somewhere where people actually do appreciate them makes me incredibly soft#okay anyways DANKE DANKE DANKE <3 LIEBE DICHHHH#catie.asks.
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headache from holding in tears
#nothin like havin a sudden realization about your place or lack thereof in your family to make christmas a downer#like while i was with them. it was mostly pleasant#but then i left and realized how much of a face i have to put on around my parents especially#and how much i really do not feel like i can be myself . at all#hurts bro. really really hurts#now im sitting here alone in my room debating the pros and cons of having a breakdown so. fantastic#sorry im oversharing again i had to get it off my chest#im gonna go try and. Not Do This#i hope all of u had nice days today!!! love u#and im giving u a hug. if u want. if christmas is hard for u#₊˚⊹⋆˚☂︎ bunny babbles ₊˚⊹⋆˚
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