#hugs them all to my chest

[zed-sabre]

1, 2, 3

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

re: raised in amphibia marcy who is nothing but the cores host

beyond the psychological stuff im also thinking about the physical. the evil science possibilities. im just like. canonically its hinted that the core did stuff to marcys body just in the few months it had her to make its vessel more suitable. the plug ports that were apparently in her limbs bc otherwise she would be getting stabbed by those things. "this thing needs some calibration" about marcys body??? what did it mean by that??? and like u mention her being wired up to it in the original ask

anyways im up here thinking abt how much it mightve done to her if it had her for that long. if it had the same plug things installed in her limbs as she seemed to in canon shed probably need replacements if they happened when she was young enough and grew significantly since then.

also my mom used to work in the brain-computer interface industry and well. to get really any level of highly detailed or accurate data, let alone on the scale youd need to fully interface with the entire brain, you would absolutely need to have direct access to the brain rather than trying to go through the skull. theres no way this girl doesnt have a port of some kind implanted in her head for the core to directly connect to her brain.

hell maybe it doesnt wanna deal with biological organs and the problems that might arise from them. no big deal itll just have them replaced!

Aaaaagh dude i love your asks. Galaxy brain asks from my galaxy friend mutual.

Anyway. Yes i I have thought quite a bit about Marcy's whole deal. What Andrias cares about is her brainnnn that blob of grey matter that's somehow a biological supercomputer. He has no qualms in eventually getting rid of the body and keeping the brain in a jar, immortalized as an invaluable piece of hardware with the help of some shadowfish biotechnology (shhh lemme tell you a secret: he actually does care for her and love her and takes no joy in hurting her. He just doesn't love her enough to save her :3). Anyway, unfortunately, when he found this thing, her brain was surprisingly underseveloped. He had a vague awareness that the unfortunate coincidence of bipedism and viviparity so characteristic of homo sapiens resulted in them giving birth to useless, half-developed fetuses (as opposed to fully mature, egg-born pollywogs), but surely, by age three, a human would be more mature, right? He checked his archives on alien biology and, indeed, no. An average human's brain isn't fully developed until around age 25. Marcy may be smart, but she's still, by all accounts, a homo sapiens pollywog. He consults the Core. The Core wants a host. They want a body, and they want this brain. They will do with just the brain, is Andrias is too useless to secure them the body, but even if they're willing to wait for another body (stronger, bigger, more amphibian) to come around eventually, they know it won't work as well as with the original brain-body combination.

He decides to raise Marcy to be 25. He keeps her mind sharp and body healthy, or as healthy as possible. She undergoes many week-long sessions unconscious and connected to all sorts of wires as tubes. It's so normal for her, that by age 6 she knew how to get on top of the plataform or into the tank without falling, and how to put on her own oxygen mask. She always woke up feeling weak and hungry when it was over, and with one killer headache, but her dad always held the biggest fests for her with all her favorite food when it was over! She always looked forward to her sessions. Like a dog.

In these sessions, she would undergo several procedures. There's mossman, shadowfish and amphibian biotechnology involved. The point is to 1) make her brain Core-friendly - if it has many dimensions that would make things easier! And 2) translate the data from the Core into something that can be run in a biological machine. For which they need to understand and explore said machine. She only has one port, in the back of her neck, hidden by her long hair. It connects straight into her spine and her brain. In essence, these are fitting sessions. The Core is trying out their new house. Ever since she was little, they actually did use her brain to run tests and perform different functions. Most of the times it was mostly to study it, but as she grew older, they began using her whenever a function required too much energy, whenever something that would take forever to load with its own equipment, would render almost instantly with hers. They never left any data behind, erasing all evidence of their presence, and they never fully transported anything to this new extension, using only copies of data with the original files safe in the Core. The point is to leave the Core behind eventually and fully move on to this new computer, but not yet.

A few funny side effects!

Her blood is slowly growing more and more green as the years pass. This actually has less do to with brain stuff, and more as early preparation for eternal youth and immortality. It's mean to make her last longer. When she first meets Anne at age 10 - 11, her blood is a brown-ish color, but by the time things blow up when she's like 13-14, it's just a gross green. Her kidneys filter it out with time and her blood returns to its original red color, and Anne and Sasha see her real skin color for the first time, since before she always had this weird green tint, but they didn't know enough about humans to tell it wasn't normal. Seeing her blush red instead of green for the first time is kinda magical.

Migraines! Especially after a session. Especially when she does something the Core wouldn't like, because despite how hard they try to erase their traces, Marcy's most primal survival instincts remember.

More indirect effect but going several weeks a year without eating can't be good for her. It makes her feel very tired, dizzy and weak, even if she's eating normally, because three days ago she was starving.

The port in the back of her neck itches a lot. After becoming queen, she asked the royal physician that put it her to remove it, but he was scared of leaving her paralyzed, since it was so deeply fused with her nervous system. Sasha still thinks she should've had the guy publicly excecuted or something.

Idk if it counts but ?? Andrias wouldn't touch her if she was sick, so Olivia often found ways to give her a fever in secret or something to spare her. She did it to protect her, but it does mean Marcy spent a big deal of her childhood in bed, recovering from a session or a light illness.

The Core communicates with her nervous system through electric signals, and even thought they don't want to harm it, they still make her muscles contract a lot so she feels super sobre afterwards lots of muscle pain all the time.

There is no helmet in this one. No indirect connection. When Andrias puts the Core in Marcy, he goes all the way. Straight into her brain! They got a new PC :3

[blackynsupremacy]

watching the outsiders after 10+ years as an adult hits so hard, i don’t even want to finish the ending. 😭

[memento-morri-writes]

writing share - body horror edition

So, the lovely, amazing @space-writes expressed interest in reading my fucked-up body horror that I wrote last night/early this morning, and who am I to deny a friend? So, here you go:

A brief bit of context: Just under two days ago, Sigmar, Rook's beloved mentor and kinda-sorta father figure, ended up being revealed as a corpse being puppeted by the BBEG, Dr. Purity. The rest of the party brutally killed him while Rook watched. (Via tooth and claw, and also a sonic shockwave from a magic guitar.) And just today, Warren, the party gunslinger, a werewolf and Rook's other kinda-sorta father figure, died (like perma-forever, never-coming-back died) in order to save Rook's life. (Or rather, in order to resurrect Rook, since he was dead at the time.) Now Rook is extremely sleep-deprived and also being affected by mind-altering parasites, two factors that are working together to give him some pretty vivid and fucked-up hallucinations.

(fair warning, this isn't written out fully to the best of my abilities because this scene hasn't happened yet. So this is just my description of what Rook will be seeing and hearing, not a full prose write-up with his internal thoughts and all that. I will almost certainly do that after next week's session, though, so let me know if you want to see that then.)

major tw for extreme body horror under the cut (also emotional manipulation/guilt-tripping)

Rook hears a strange sound, like clumsy, disjointed footsteps. He looks around wildly for the source of the sound and freezes. Out of the hallway we have just come from looms a horrible sight: Sigmar's corpse is lurching towards him, somehow propelling itself on shattered limbs. All of his joints are dislocated, giving his body a freakishly elongated appearance. His shredded clothes are soaked with blood, and every inch of his skin is covered in hundreds of claw and tooth marks, which are weeping blood. Black ichor drips from his mouth, and a web of dark black veins branch out across his face. Every inch he moves closer leaves a trail of blood behind him. He reaches out towards Rook with jagged, broken fingers, and says "Rook... your friends killed me. Slaughtered me like an animal." He takes another staggering step towards Rook, who backs away, shaking. "You promised to help me. You said you trusted me." He points an accusing finger at Rook. "I should never have come to you. I should have burned down Warren's house with you still inside. It's what the two of your deserve." As if on cue, another shape lurches out of the shadows of a hallway across the way. It's Warren. His chest has been blown open, his ribs pointing in every direction and the remains of his guts are dripping from the hole where his stomach used to be. Every inch of him is splattered in gore. He's missing one of his hands, the arm ending in a jagged point of bone instead. He opens his mouth to speak, revealing a mouth of pointed canine teeth. "Rook, you stupid bastard. I died for you. You." He bares his teeth and snarls at Rook, an animalistic sound that rattles him to his core. "We should have left you to rot in that fungi-infested hallway. You brought him to us," he glares pointedly at Sigmar. "You're the reason those two attacked us, attacked Cherry. You're the reason I'm dead. The reason Cherry won't ever have a father." Sigmar steps closer, looking Rook up and down. "Speaking of fathers, yours was right. You are a useless piece of shit." He spits in Rook's direction, then takes another step closer. Across the room, Warren moves to match him. "Traitor." "Liar," Sigmar adds as the two stalk closer. They're so close now, Rook can smell the scent of Warren's burnt flesh, of Sigmar's spilled blood. They're right in front of him now. He tries to shrink away, further into the corner, but to no avail. His limbs refuse to obey, and he stays frozen in place.

[zappedbyzabka]

“I’ll be disqualified!”

[autism-swagger]

LOSING CONTROL OF MYSELF

[hamletsleftball]

its just one of those days where you want to be all down and yearn to be pampered with attention- a need to feel important in this vast world we live in. a need to feel wanted.

[triglycercule]

top 10 workouts for every murder time trio fan out there: dancing while singing each of xxtha's mtt songs (AUDGAHHHHHH IVE WAITED FOR THIS DAY FOR MY WHOLE LIFE)

[marcelineuntitled]

another dream

[untimelyambition]

i owe my entire life to whoever filmed erika’s last show. that video is my everything <3 i see stars continues to reduce me to tears with every watch

[tom-failure]

...

[nervocat]

I love my cat sm

[robinsnest2111]

re: the longing post

whenever this soul crushing heart rending feeling came up I always thought I felt TOO MUCH and wanted TOO MUCH out of life. something I could never ever hope to achieve. something entirely impossible

it still sometimes feels like it tbh, 2 decades of negative outside influence and resulting negative self talk are hard to undo in just a few years.

but sometimes there's a shimmer of hope. like one day. I will be bold enough to make what I long for Actually Happen. One Day.

[mikichko]

i need choso biblically

[againstme]

i think i'm kind of at a point now where i'm sick of being institutionalized, no matter how cushy of a situation this is.

i think i tend to have this sort of impostor syndrome about it, a back and forth of "oh, well at least i'm not in the psych ward", "at least i get to go outside", to just wishing that i could go home.

and i think both of these things can exist at the same time.

i'm grateful that i haven't been in the psych ward since november instead of where i am. and i am glad i get to go outside. i do like that there's a deck at this house, where i can sit outside and watch the sunrise/sunset, and play my guitar when it's not raining. i'm glad that we get to ride in the van to go to the center where we do group therapy, that there's a courtyard we can sit at in between groups, that i'm able to step outside and get fresh air if i need to.

but at the same time, i want to go home. i don't know where home is. i think my brain is associating "home" with back in santa cruz. at least for now, that's what i think of. it's the place where i've lived in the states the longest, since getting kicked out and flying there from korea when i was freshly 18.

that's what i mean by "home", i guess.

i want to sit in the garage at my friend's family's house. i guess they're my family too, my chosen family. they've been taking care of me since i landed on their doorstep in the middle of august 2019. i had about 300 dollars to my name; that was less than what i started with because i had to pay for my heavy luggage and my flight to san jose from seattle. i can't even remember how i got the money. i think i had saved up some from when i graduated that june.

i didn't have health insurance, i didn't have a bed, i had two suitcases and that was all, basically. i needed an inhaler. i needed a job. someone i knew (a former friend of a friend, that my friend group no longer associates with) introduced me to his mom, who was the manager of a grocery store about a 15 minute walk away. and she got me a job as a cashier.

anyways, the long backstory is something i can get into some other time.

the point is, my family, or at least, what i consider my family, is there. my friends are there. they're the first friend group larger than like 4 people who probably didn't even like me that i've ever had in my life. and they still enjoy having me around, though i tend to go back and forth on believing that.

so, i want to go home. i want to hug my friends, and be with my family. i want to stay up late watching episodes of community or new girl that we've all seen a dozen times, still laughing like it's our first time seeing it.

i want to sit on their kitchen floor, having a mixed drink with cheap vodka and trying to focus my brain while someone goes on a tangent that i can barely follow.

i want to do my obligatory ritual of going into their bathroom, looking at myself in the mirror, not even a bit sober, take a selfie, then grip my hands on the sink, staring at my reflection.

this isn't your classic "drunk at a party, stare at yourself in the mirror and think about how your life is falling apart" moment.

this is a moment of joy. of ecstasy, though you'd never take the drug. the alcohol warms your chest, but so does the feeling of connection.

it's also the feeling of safety. of understanding. of caring for another. sitting someone down on the couch when they're too high, giving them a blanket and a pillow. being stupid and not telling your friends you were on acid until hours deep into your trip, startled at first when so many of them said so many variations of "dude, you have to let people know when you're tripping", but later understanding that they just wanted to take care of you. the late nights at one of their parties where you and a friend snuck out to the backyard table, sharing a joint and talking about music, a sliver of light being cast by a warm deck lamp.

catching your friend in your arms as they suddenly pass out after stumbling inside to recover from a fall in the bathroom, shielding them from almost hitting their head on the bathtub. your friend rushing over to help as they came to, hoisting them up and over to the couch. freezing instinctively as they had a seizure, because you had never seen one before, then having your hands out, wanting to cradle them as they had another.

being so lucky to have another friend that's an EMT, coming in and taking them in her car as they both went to the hospital.

having everyone gathered around out on the front porch, solo cups in hand, being forcibly shocked into sobriety, beady eyes looking around at each other.

hearing someone say "anyone need a cigarette?" and hearing a chorus of "yes, thank god," around you. you don't smoke anymore, because it makes you sick, but you did smoke that night. and poured yourself a drink, mostly vodka, with just a splash of ginger beer.

finding yourself staring in the mirror again, white knuckling the sink. looking over at the tile floor, suddenly feeling the weight of your friend's slumped body in your arms as you both fell to the floor. thinking of how they narrowly missed the corner of the bathtub. your heart is still racing.

you think of all of the events that lead you up to being in that moment. of being there to catch them in your arms. of having that gut feeling of "no, i don't think i'm gonna let them go to the bathroom alone." and being grateful you trusted your gut. things could've been way worse. you don't want to think about that.

i think it's situations like those where i feel like, even though it's kind of fucked up, so many pieces had to fall into just the right place in order for that to play out the way that it did.

and it all started with that connection. with that sense of community, that sense of belonging, that feeling of wanting to protect the ones you love. and knowing that you love them in the first place.

i want to be a part of that again.

[skitskatdacat63]

hi this is so random but i just wanted to say i always love reading your tags 🥺 you always make such funny comments and i love hearing about your day and your thoughts on each pic/video/gifset!! sorry i hope this isn't weird but yeah 😭

AAAAAAAA NOT WEIRD AT ALL, YOU'RE TOO SWEET, TY TY TY <333333333

I think I've mentioned before but if I don't talk, I'll explode so this fandom has been such incredible fun for me because I can talk a lot in the tags and not be too intrusive. So the idea that people read my rambling and enjoy it makes me: