#huge ass fucking hypocrite.

[snekdood]

me: god theres so many fungus gnats in my house i fucking hate them and hope they all die fuck them

some asshole on here, probably: omg no 😢 all life is sacred... u cant just kill everything...

me: okay, are you vegan?

asshole: akshually I dont need to be vegan because, well, you see,,----

[redjaybathood]

kinda fucked up that in Duke Thomas tag there's almost nothing more than fanart (which is great), comics panel (also good), headcanons (eh I get that) and misquotes (forgot the term). Like. I know it's most of what's going on in every tag but it still kinda sucks, because in others' tags you still can find good meta, detailed posts about canon, fan theories, and analysis. And it's like. For Duke, most of the content is made up. Nobody knows the real Duke. Yeah, yeah, we're past the "Duke is the normie" era but. That doesn't mean you know him as he is and not him as he lives in your head. which is what headcanons are. You get me?

"write something yourself" I will (no ETA tho)

[pr]

waiting for the shawn mendes response tweet like

[sttoru]

⠀ 𝝑𝑒 ⠀⠀ 𝐒𝐘𝐍𝐎𝐏𝐒𝐈𝐒. your bestfriend, satoru, sends your cheating boyfriend a rather explicit video of the two of you as revenge.

tags. best friend!gojo satoru x female reader. smut, pwp. dōggy style. dirty talk. crēampie. reader gets called ‘pretty, angel, baby’. cheating. consensual fīlming. anon req.

“mmshiit, should’ve fucked you long time ago,” satoru hisses, his hips stuttering against the plump flesh of your ass. he’s unable to stop himself now that he’s got his pretty best friend underneath him—in a sinful position he has only had wet dreams of.

one moment you’re crying because of your cheating boyfriend and the next you’re getting your guts rearranged by your bestfriend who comforted you through it all.

your mascara stains satoru’s pillow, your drool doing the exact same. you’re acting like a total slut for his cock, mewling for him to give you more, to give it to you faster and harder. all of which is caught on tape.

“yeah? want more, baby?” satoru coos as he holds up your phone with one hand. his other one is gripping the side of your hip—keeping your ass perked up so he can continue hitting that right spot inside of your greedy cunt. the white-haired man snickers behind the camera, “c’mon—tell your boyfriend just how much y’ need your best friend’s cock.”

you know satoru’s filming himself hitting it from the back. it’s nasty, but it only serves to excite you. you know your ‘boyfriend’ will be enraged once he receives the erotic video from you. he’s never liked satoru neither, always preventing you two from meeting each other. which was a red flag by itself.

you’ll show that hypocritical bastard.

“need more, ‘toru, please—” you babble, your voice muffled by the pillow. your body jerks with each hard thrust. every move is made with precision, with the intention of pleasuring you until your insides remember the shape of his dick only, “fuckk, ‘tis too big.”

satoru grins smugly. you’re basically admitting that he’s way bigger than that excuse of a man you’re dating. his ego gets a huge boost and it shows when he drives his throbbing cock deeper into your tight cunt.

“awwh, i know, but i bet my sweet girl can take it,” your best friend encourages you through a raspy voice. the fact that he called you his ‘sweet girl’ drives you insane. your pussy squeezes around his cock in response.

satoru’s eyes nearly roll back from the way you’re gripping him. he moves his other hand around your hips until his fingertips find your clitoris. he over stimulates you until you’re crying of pleasure.

you end up clenching around his fat dick even more. it feels like you’re trying to snap his cock in half with how much you’re sucking him in. there’s not a chance of it slipping out of you.

satoru moans loudly without any shame, letting both you and your boyfriend - who’d watch the video later - know how much he enjoys pounding your cunt like it’s actually his; “y’re so fucking tight. you sure your boyfriend’s been fucking you?”

you feel embarrassed by how much you’re enjoying his dirty talk. satoru’s drilling his cock into you so well to the point that you’ve forgotten all about the intimacy you shared with your cheating boyfriend. it was nothing compared to how satoru is treating you right this moment.

the white-haired man continues, still not believing that he’s finally living out his dreams. your body is heaven to him. satoru can’t help but whimper at the feeling your pussy sucking him in so desperately, “feels like your pussy hasn’t had any dick in a good while.”

the way you’re basically screaming into the pillow is enough evidence to confirm that your boyfriend has never fucked you properly at all. that delicious arch of your back, that ass of yours bouncing back on his pelvis in circles. . . satoru just knows it.

you hiccup and try to speak. you know your boyfriend is going to see the video and that only drives you to be more vocal than you already are. you’re going to get revenge and you’re going to make it as painful as possible.

“y-yeah,” you agree with satoru’s words. your words are basically slurred—too cockdrunk to properly talk. you lift your head up for a second to breathe and continue your whiny babbling between moans, “he’s n-never fucked me as well as you—ngh!”

your voice is perfect. everything about you is. satoru isn’t sure if he’ll even last long like this. he wants to claim you as his girl already. he wants to thrust his cum as deep as he can inside of you so you’ll only think of him.

“poor, poor baby,” satoru pouts and rubs your ass gently as he watches it bounce back at him with every thrust. the view is hypnotising. he cannot grasp the fact that your boyfriend fumbled such an amazing girl like you, “it’s okay. i’ll make it up to ya, mhm? i’ll treat you like a real man would.”

you nod and whimper in agreement, which gives satoru the green light. you’re going to be his at the end of this session. he’s going to claim you as his—finally—after all those years.

you feel yourself start to tremble. you feel tingly all over and your moans are getting louder. the curve in satoru’s dick is making your mind go blank. it makes his tip hit the deepest spots inside you, the right spots. you’re desperately searching for that sweet release.

“aht, aht, angel,” satoru clicks his tongue whilst deepening the arch of your back. his fingers trace the shape of your spine, feeling you shiver from the touch as he pounds you silly. “hold it in, yeah? need you to cum for me when i do. wanna fill this cunt to the brim.”

you try to hold on the best you can. after a couple more thrusts, satoru’s breath turns shaky and his noises turn into whimpers—a sign that he’s on the edge, “fuck fuck fuck fuck! baby- ‘m gnna cum!”

you gasp and your body spasms and squirms as you reach your climax at the exact same time. you feel your cunt being flood with spurts of semen. it’s so much—as if satoru’s been storing all of it just for you.

“there there. such a good girl,” satoru sighs and pulls out of you after making sure that you’ve settled down. he takes his dick out as slowly as possible, pointing the camera right at the lewd sight. his entire length is coated with a mixture of your slick and his white cum.

you shiver at the feeling of being left empty. satoru soothes you by pushing his cum back into your pussy with two long fingers. he films the entire process, focusing on your stuffed hole for a few seconds before putting the phone up.

satoru points the back camera at the both of you, getting the entire view of the messy bed. he grins and puts a peace sign up—ending the video with a mocking yet cold smile that’s directed to the man who’s going to be watching this video soon, “should’ve treated her better.”

oh, your boyfriend is going to be fuming. deserved..

[widevibratobitch]

.

[salemlunaa]

AIN’T NOTHING TOO BIG, BABY

don’t listen to those cheap haters

I received an ask recently that opened my eyes to the fact that a lot of you need this reminder. This really applies to everyone in the community, whether your plans are to permashift, respawn or manifest something in your current reality, listen: There is nothing too big for you to manifest. ever. I’m gonna repeat a lot of what i said in my answer but here goes anyways….

If you see someone who acts so high and mighty preaching about the law, just for them to turn around and have the audacity to tell someone that something is "too big" to manifest, then they're dumb and not someone you should be looking to for advice or opinions. And i want you to know if you think your desires are too big or you have been turned away, you’re not crazy and you’re not “asking for too much”

Do i need to remind you who you are? you’re a god meaning whatever you say goes, there is nothing too big for a god and you know it. Stop talking yourself out of it because you are scared. The law is law and will never fail no matter what your desire is. Although, if you still have trouble understanding your full potential, i recommend using methods where your subconscious mind is in full control, for example the void or SATS, but it is just as easy to manifest “huge” things with some standard methods like affirming or visualisation too! You need to get it through your skulls everything is easy for you.

Manifesting the sun to shine a little brighter is the same as manifesting being a billionaire

Manifesting your eyes to be a lighter shade is the same as revising a whole ass country for you to live in

Manifesting a substitute for your chemistry lesson because you hate your teacher is the same as manifesting an entirely new family

You guys, there is nothing too big or too small, too many hypocrites have infested this community with their bullshit, preaching about how we can do anything yet turning around to tell someone that what they want isn't possible, that what they desire “makes no logical sense”. Now tell me, if we're gods and we can do anything, how does that even make any sense?

So my loves, if you have a desire you think is “big” or “heavy” excuse my language but grab it by the balls because guess the fuck what? you’re the boss, not those close minded people who think manifesting is fake, not the loser who “believes in manifesting” but had the audacity to tell you you’re dreaming too big, not anyone else but YOU, because you’re a GOD

EVERYTHING IS EASY FOR YOU, AND YOU KNOW IT ༄ 🪸🌺💋

[iuchamjohta]

Leave these woman alone ft Yuna

1400 words

Notes: Hi anon thanks for your request, since it’s sent through the request box 😊 here’s a story dedicated for you. Also I will do Yuna justice with a better fic eventually don’t worry! (Yes this is a mix of shade and partial smut i guess) Did'nt proof read this thing cause it aint worth my time. For those who wants to read for the smut you can ignore the first two and last two paragraphs they arent for u but specially for my dear requester XD

First person POV of anon:

My name is Anon. I work a standard 9-5 job and have been doing so for 30 years. I’m a single and have never dated. Everyday I get scolded by my boss but I turn a deaf ear to it , just going through the motion of my routine life. Things however get exciting once I get home. I can induldge in my deepst darkest fantasies.

You see while on the surface, I'm a white knight in shiny armor, beneath that, I'm a self-righteous hypocritical man, living a double life. I've got an entire collection dedicated to Yuna, my ultimate bias, stashed away in a folder on my laptop, hidden deep within a secret folder, safely encrypted with a password only I know. It's my little haven, my sanctuary—a place where I can indulge in my wildest fantasies, free from judgment. I mean, who doesn't have their celebrity crushes, right? But for me, it's more than just a crush. Yuna is my fantasy. She's the one who makes me question my self-control.

The room is dimly lit, perfect for what I have in mind. I pull up a recent fancam from her solo performance.. There she is, in a low-rise jeans that showcased her hourglass figure, strutting across the stage with sheer confidence. The camera zeroes in on her for a solo performance, the lucky bastards in the audience probably have no idea how fucking lucky they are. Her eyes glint with confidence, as if seducing me and sending a wave of anticipation through my body. I bite my lip, feeling my dick twitch in anticipation. It's one of those days when I crave a release, a day dedicated to worshipping her perfect body.

Yuna is everything I want and more. Her magnetic aura draws me closer to the screen as she seductively sways to the music. Every curve of her body is sculpted by the gods themselves. I zoom in, wanting to explore every inch of her, starting from her face. Her huge eyes, her full lips that always look succulent, begging for me to take them. Her skin, pale in complextion that glows under the stage lights. I'd kill to know what she smells like, if she tastes as sweet as she looks. Her long legs they begged to be worshipped.

Her hair, cascading in soft waves, frames her face, occasionally whipping her forehead as she moves, making my fingers itch to run through it, to feel its silkiness between my fingertips. Her crop top reveals just the right amount of skin and her incredibly sexy midriff. They hug her chest tightly. I imagine pinching those rosy nipples, already knowing from countless fantasies that they'd harden instantly. The thought sends a jolt of lust straight to my cock.

The camera follows her every move, and she's teasing the fans mercilessly. She bends down, the low-rise jean - hugging every inch of her toned thighs and plump ass, highlighting the perfect hour glass figure. God, her ass! It's a work of art, rounded and firm, a sight that has me gripping my cock, stroking slowly as I imagine sinking my face into that soft flesh. The way she reveals her cleavage, The way her muscles flex under those jeans makes my mouth go dry. She knows what she's doing, the little tease. Each flick of her hips is a silent invitation to something forbidden.

As the song progresses, so does my hand on my shaft. I can't stop picturing her riding me, those long, toned legs wrapped around my waist. Her abs clench and relax with each provocative move, the sight alone nearly pushing me over the edge. The sweat glistening on her skin, the way it would feel slick under my palms as I hold her hips, grinding into me, fuck, it consumes me. I want to be the reason for her sweat, for her moans.

The performance builds up, and so does my pace. My breathing quickens, mirroring her heavy pants as if we're in sync. I can imagine the lust matching my own as she moves her hair behind her back, giving me a perfect view of her slender neck and the pulse point that makes my mouth water. A collarbone looks so defined and my hands would look so fucking perfect there, pushing her down unto my cock. My cock twitches, the thought of owning this goddess in the bedroom flooding my mind. I want to see her—no, I need to see her submissive side, her begging for more, on her knees, her pretty eyes pleading for me to take control.

I can't resist the urge anymore. I pause the video at the part where she's bending forward offering an eyeful of her cleavage and a hint of her flat stomach. The image fills the screen,  letting me examine every detail. From her perfect breast that I imagine running my tongue all over, to her navel, a shallow indent, a tempting destination for my tongue. I'd work my way downward, hearing her whimpers as I trace patterns on her sensitive skin, marking her with love bites along the way until I reach her wet core. With my other hand, I reach for the lube, needing more sensation. I coat my fingers and continue imagining my tongue's path, heading south past her navel to the place she craves attention. I'd tease her, running my fingers through her wetness, finding her clit, driving her wild. And when she's close, I'd sink two fingers into her, feeling her heat, her tightness, while I suck on that perfect neck, leaving my mark. Her moans would fill the room, echoing off the walls, telling me she's mine.

But, Yuna she's a master at denying satisfaction. The clip cuts just as I can see her biting her lip, probably holding back a moan. That's when my stroking gets wilder. I jerk off fiercely, imagining her on all fours, that ass in the air, begging for my cock. In my mind, I'd stand behind her, taking in the view before delivering hard thrusts, the sound of skin slapping skin filling the room. She loves rough, I know that much. I want to spank that ass, watch it jiggle with each impact, watch her pussy squeeze my dick, milking me.

"Fuck, Yuna," I groan, my vision blurring as pleasure spikes. I see her looking over her shoulder, those eyes half-lidded, knowing she's craving it harder. In my fantasy, I'd tug her hair, making her submit, taking her like an animal. I increase the pace, my balls tightening, then I would reach my peak, exploding with sensation. I come violently, coating my hand and the screen, wishing it was her that I coated instead.

Panting, I lean back, my heart hammering in my chest as I relish the aftermath. The image of her winking at the camera as she says her farewells plays in my head, and I know I'll be back for more—she's my addiction. Cleaning up, a satisfied smile on my face, I wonder if she has any idea the effect she has on me, if she knows she just gave me the best fucking handjob ever. Little does she know, this 'nobody' behind the screen is more than willing to show her how good it could be in reality.

Maybe one day, she won't just be a fantasy, but until then, I'll keep worshipping her on my screen.

Then with this guilty pleasure, I find the need to claim her as mine and "protect" her. Going unto forums, I tell myself I have to put back on my knight in shiny armour image! Telling everyone else to leave all these woman alone especially Yuna.

To me pornography is okay, I have fapped to many of it, nor do I see the need to email all these pornographic companies on what they are doing though more damaging is wrong. Other sexual fantasies are okay, but when it comes to others fantasising about my idols, I have to be defensive since they are my life even though I would never reach them. This is me, a double standard hypocritical white knight, a nameless nobody in my life. Nonetheless, this secret is safe with me, and as long as I live, I shall continue to remain self-righteous on the outside while indulging in my secret fantasies.

Thanks for your request once again! Yes me being an internet troll, anyways not the best smut I have written I apologise. Okay fuck now I actually need to do justice by releasing a proper Yuna fic . Please send ideas for req on Yuna guys a one time offer that the best idea gets it’s fic written on her.

[lifewithdavefarts]

DaveFarts - Episode 32 “A Worthy Opponent” [Episode List] Dave is back at the warehouse and filming another short “fart porn” clip for Greg. As he keeps blasting Tom, his co-worker and fart sniffer, a masked man steps into the set…

Greatly influenced by this suggestion.

Reminder: Tom was introduced in Episode 14.

POV: Dave

Alright, just like I did last time, it’s all good.

Getting paid to fart in someone’s face? Easiest money I’ll ever make in my life.

My friend Greg, the wannabe movie director, wanted me for another fart porn film.

Yes, that’s an actual thing, this is my life now… a small part of it at least.

You know me, I’m a chill dude, though before accepting such task some months ago I wanted to make sure there were some lines that we shouldn’t cross. To be honest, however, the more I worked with Greg, the more I got used to all of this gross kinky stuff.

I mean, that sounds hypocrite, I’m aware: I’m an incredibly skilled straight farter who continuously face-farts his friend and roommate, fully knowing the he has a fart fetish, and even before that I’ve always been a proud farter, and rightfully so.

Also, I spend too much time on the Internet, so I’m well-versed in gross stuff.

With Tim, however, it’s different.

Here there are cameras, people telling me how I need to fart (seriously!), people I barely know but, truth to be told, who gives a shit? It’s just business, a business that revolves about farting, so you could say that my ass shits gold, almost literally.

Plus, I already got a Tim in my fart-victim collection: a Tom always sounded like the next logical step, the next Infinity Sniffer. You can starting calling me Thanus at this point.

So here I am, back at the warehouse, in this fake living room, wearing a pair of shabby grey sweatpants, cautiously sitting on Tom’s face. 

Tom, my co-worker and professional fart sniffer.

He was lying on this couch in the middle of the set, face up, his nose perfectly aligned with my asscheeks already.

He didn’t say a word or move a muscle: this guy is a pro for real. I still don’t know if he actually has a fart kink or not. What I do know is that I did blast him even when we weren’t working once. 

What can I say? My farts are too good to be wasted!

As of now, I sat on him and adjusted my position, spreading my legs wide, to ease the next fart out and, according to the script, “to showoff my manly bulge”. Thanks, I guess?

I lean just a bit and I effortlessly rip the first fart of the session, a natural blast I’ve been brewing for a couple of minutes. The warm gas passed through the fabric of my sweatpants and soon Tom’s face was imbued with my poisonous flatulence.

“Fuck yeah.” I said, as the loud blast kept going. “Don’t choke on that you fag.”

Hey, I didn’t write the script!

I could feel and hear Tom taking deep whiffs of that fart. I wiggled my ass in response, an improv which he seemed to enjoy, both professionally and… kinkly?

This blast lasted around 6 seconds. A good one don’t get me wrong… but you know what I’m truly capable of…

I noticed Greg from behind the camera giving me a thumbs up, mouthing my next line.

“Alright you filthy slave, you better open up.”

Tom obeyed. I leaned once again and spread my legs even wider, my anus aligning with my co-worker’s mouth.

Another home-run, another loud fart, I didn’t even need to push that much. I’m ridiculously good at this, I swear. It feels stupid to brag about farting skills but trust me, as soon as I finish ripping one of my huge farts, my body is already brewing the next one. I got a quick reload.

Tom’s face was shaking and this time, for real, he almost choked on my gas, as I felt him move. And when even Tom, who’s usually stone-cold while working, flinches, I know I did a good job.

I saw Greg talking to his assistant: he seemed angry. In that moment, behind me, the fake door of the fake living room opened without warning. Was this an unscripted moment?

I stopped farting and turned around, kind of forgetting that I was sitting on Tom’s face.

Someone stepped into the set, another man, around my age, tall and skinny. I couldn’t see his face as he was wearing some kind of black ski mask. His clothes were as casual as mine (a red t-shirt and a pair of blue skinny jeans).

He didn’t look friendly, yet the moment he saw me, he kind of froze on the spot for a few moments.

Is Greg making a farter-slasher movie all of the sudden? Not that I’d complain! Sounds camp-y enough to me.

I gave an inquisitive look to my director-friend, who promptly stopped filming.

“C-cut!” he yelled. “Alright, we got our first farts.” he said, as he walked towards me. “N-now, make room for the other farter of this session.” 

I gave him a puzzled look. “Other farter?”

“Duh!” Greg replied, as he pulled me out of the set, impatiently. “You thought you were the only person capable of ripping ass?”

Honestly, kind of?

I mean, I don’t think about farts 24/7, but I do know that I’m pretty good at it. Ask Tim.

“Are you replacing me?” I bluntly asked.

Not gonna have a fight over… farting, that’s for sure. And I’m not even mad, I was just taking those extra bucks for granted.

“Don’t be jealous.” he replied, as he let me sit next to him, next to the director himself, as if I was one of the crew.

I watched as this masked guy stepped on the couch and squatted over Tom’s head, just as the poor guy was getting used to fresh air again. I guess this is his lucky day, assuming that he does have the kink.

“Action!” I almost went deaf when Greg screamed that.

The masked guy was basically another master and he acted accordingly.

“Here you go, fag. Got something for you to taste…” 

The fart that followed was very loud and echoed in the whole warehouse. On one hand, when I’m not the one torturing a poor soul with farts, yeah, it’s pretty gross. On the other, as a man, I gotta tip my imaginary hat to a fellow talented farter. The blast was nowhere as long as mine, but holy shit.

This other “master” was way more dominant than I was, way more natural I’d say.

“If you wanted a master, you could just ask…” I whispered into Greg's ear, sounding way more flirty than I intended to be, which almost made me laugh.

“You can’t be a master like him.” he firmly replied. “You’re too nice.”

Should I be offended? I really don’t know anything anymore at this point.

“Fire in the hole!” the masked master yelled, just as he ripped another loud fart down Tom’s throat.

I admit this guy’s voice sounded quite familiar, despite his best effort at trying to sound much deeper.

“Do we know this guy?” I asked Greg. The question almost startled him.

“Uhm. No idea.”

Ok, liar ahead. Clearly we know this guy then.

I will get to the bottom of this… after I put this masked guy to his place.

POV: Tom

Fuck. 

Dave’s farts were already impressive, but this masked guy’s blasts are really hard to endure, really pushing the limits of my kink. Those farts sound utterly gross, almost wet, and they smell horribly. I like working with Dave because, among other things, his roaring ass is loud but when it comes to stench, I can easily inhale those.

This guy… I have no idea who he is, Greg refused to introduce us for some reason, but I decided to trust him: I think I made a mistake. The rough surface of his skinny jeans is almost scraping my face.

Another fart erupted right into my nostrils, renewing the already terrible stench. It smells like… spoiled milk? I don’t know, it’s nauseating, I feel like I’m drowning in a sewer. I’m always very calm and composed when I’m… working, but I wasn’t ready for this I admit it.

“You’re such a bitch, I knew you couldn’t handle it.” the man said, ripping another loud, short rip.

If this guy doesn’t get up soon, I’m probably gonna choke in my own puke.

“Alright, that’s enough, get the fuck out of here.”

I heard Dave say, walking towards us, and I was relieved.

The masked man got up, my eyes adjusting to the spotlight shining over the set. I took a deep breathe of (relatively) fresh air, but anything was better than that. 

I managed to recognize Dave’s silhouette, towering over me.

“That was cute. Now let me show how a pro does it.”

Great. I’m basically the city you see in the background of kaijū movies while the monsters fight each other. You know the city, right? The city that usually gets completely leveled by the huge creatures?

I guess that’s my role for today.

Let’s get it over with.

As I said, Dave’s farts are huge but I’d take anything over that other guy’s gas.

I quickly took more deep breaths… before letting Dave sit on me again.

POV: Dave

“That was cute. Now let me show how a pro does it.”

I don’t know who this guy is, but if he really wants to do this, a fuckin’ fart challenge, then he’s gonna get blown away.

Well, not him, rather, my good pal right here on the couch.

“Alright…” I whispered to Tom. “Get ready bro. I’m gonna rip some huge ones and act like an asshole for a bit.”

I earned a puzzled look from him. “An asshole?” he paused for a moment. “But… you’re too nice.”

Oh great, now the sub tells me how lovey-dovey I am, perfect!

I stepped on the couch, not caring how my feet was crushing Tom’s chest, and squatted over his face, my fabric-clad anus tickling the tip of his nose. As I said, I’m always brewing a big one, and having a quick cheeseburger before coming here surely helped.

Once again, effortlessly, my ass started roaring, loud and unstoppable. As I kept pushing this one out, I maintained eye-contact with the mysterious masked challenger, who could only watch haplessly as I showed him what real talent looks like.

“Open wide, fag. This is far from over.”

Tom took it like a champ, inhaling deeply for the camera -I don’t even know if we started filming again. 

All I know is that my farting skills are a sight to behold… and to sniff, in Tom and Tim’s case at least.

Ahah… I’ll never understand this gross kink, but I gotta admit, if I had this fetish, and my best bro and roommate was, well, me, I’d probably be as thirsty as Tim is. So yeah, in a disgusting way… I get it.

And just like that, 12 seconds passed. Long, but not as long as my best ones, I can do even better than this… but I play fair so, after brushing my sweaty sweatpants ass on Tom’s face, I stood up and crossed my arms, eyes glued on my rival. 

“Your move, beanpole.” 

It’s ridiculous how seriously I’m taking all of this, but I can get quite competitive.

The masked master laughed and… lied on the floor. He held one leg up… that’s a position I’m quite familiar with. Surprisingly enough, he started sucking air in, right through his jeans. That’s a great talent I gotta say, I thought I was the only one who could fart on command so easily. 

A worthy opponent, at long last!

After a few seconds, the man stood up, proud and tall and, just like I did earlier, treated Tom as if he was part of the couch, and sat on his face. His eyes glued on me, I could tell there was a smug mile making fun of me under that ski mask.

The fart that followed was quite impressive and loud, but still not as massive as the ones I’m able to produce. This guy was good, no doubts about it. I’m pretty sure Tim would fall in love with him (the thought of that made me visibly laugh, putting a dent in the menacing aura I was trying to convey).

You know what, fuck this. It’s not worth it. 

But since I’m already here, and I’m able to rip huge farts both naturally and on command, I guess I could simply… well… join the fun, you might say.

I’m sure Tom will understand.

POV: Tom

The masked guy’s fart, despite being on command, was as foul as the one before. Dave’s blasts weren’t a cakewalk by any means, and they’re still much louder, deeper and stronger overall, but whatever this guy ate was doing numbers in his stomach. He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans but he could very well be naked for how much my nostrils were burning. 

The stench of Dave’s previous farts mixed with the rotten eggs-flavored gas this guy’s anus was blowing in my face and, truly, I started to think that this was a big test that Greg set up just for me, for some insane reason. If I survive this, I’m gonna kick his ass.

After around 9 seconds, the flatulence’s loudness faded out, essentially turning into a classic silent-but-deadly.

The man raised his ass just a bit, to make sure I could breath a bit of fresh air before the next one.

I turned my head and I could see Dave approaching the couch again.

Okay, it’s the other kaijū’s turn I assume.

Funnily enough, this is actually good ne-

...

Wait.

Why isn’t the other guy stepping aside?

“If it’s a show you want, Greg, a show you’ll get.” Dave boasted.

The farter above me finally moved, but just a bit, his ass still covering half of my face, hovering over my mouth.

The reason he moved, however, wasn’t altruistic by any means: instead, he had to make room for Dave’s ass, which ended up being planted directly onto my eyes instead.

Just... just fuckin’ do it you gassy bastards.

“Hey fag, it’s your lucky day.” the masked guy said.

“Good thing you have two nostrils: one of each anus.” Dave said.

Whether they were improvising or not wasn’t important, because their asses certainly weren’t.

Dave’s ass started speaking first, erupting his deep warm gas into my eyes. Mere seconds later, the other ass started talking as well, its fart being more high pitched. The sounds mixed together like a symphony and after a few moments I couldn’t tell which anus was being louder, ‘cause they both were. 

I became part of the couch as those two asses kept crushing me, farting loudly. My face couldn’t endure that barrage of farts any longer, as the farters kept cycling between either loud series of farts, or single long ones. The stench... I felt like they were taking a shit on me, I could taste that thick gas and even guess what they ate for lunch.

It was getting hot, too hot, and I started breathing more heavily, which only meant I got to ingest more of that poisonous gas. 

And yet, my massive boner betrayed my disgust.

While my eardrums were getting crushed by those farts, I could still manage to recognize Dave’s fart being the loudest: the man found a worthy opponent, sure, but he still owns the crown, no doubts about it.

“And for the big finale…” I heard the King say.

Dave lowered his sweatpants, exposing his sweaty bare ass (the masked farter kept his jeans on instead), and ripped a short, yet very loud toot, drops of sweat being blown onto my face and teary eyes (for the smell).

The two remained there for a few seconds, finally in silence from both ends, letting me inhale those last particles of gas, even though I’m pretty sure my skin merged with their farts on sub-atomic level, then they finally got up and shared a high-five.

Much to my surprise, the two men then turned back to me and helped me sit down, and they both high-fived me as well.

I guess a fart master is nothing without someone willing to sniff it all.

I appreciate the respect.

The mutual respect.

POV: Dave

After taking a much-needed shower and putting my civilian clothes back on (my usual dark brown hoodie and a pair of loose jeans), I cleared things up with Greg. 

He admitted he messed up things up with the schedule, and that indeed there was another “master” audition today, but he really enjoyed our improv and filmed everything, and thus the editors are pretty satisfied with what we managed to film today.

He also told me that, indeed, the mysterious farter is “a common friend” who didn’t want to be recognized.

No hard feelings with Tom either, obviously.

Now, time to tie up one last loose end.

I went outside, on the back of the warehouse, where I knew I could find my masked rival. He was checking his phone sitting on a shabby couch, an old prop that the crew moved here after they bought a new one for the set.

Basically, glorified comfy garbage.

“Hey, fire-in-the-hole-guy! I knew I’d find you here… that’s there they put the trash after all.” I said, with a smug smile.

The man shook his head and laughed. “Greg told you?” he asked.

I walked towards the couch and sat next to him, wrapping my right arm around his shoulder.

“You thought I woudn’t recognize your beautiful eyes, Adam?” I joked, acting all flirty (and hopefully annoying).

He  punched my shoulder and took his mask off.

Indeed, it was Adam all along.

He laughed a bit more.

“I didn’t know you were working with Greg.” he said. “Finally, you can make money from the one thing you're good at!"

“Very good at.” I corrected him.

I was going to fart to prove my point, but Adam seemed worried about something.

“I kind of needed those extra bucks you know...”

“Why is everything gravitating towards farts lately…” I thought out loud.

“What was that?” he asked.

“Nothing, forget about it.” I quickly said. “Extra bucks you said?”

“Yeah, as gross as it sounds, I thought I could make some quick money out of… whatever Greg’s doing here.”

“Hey, not judging bro!” I reassured him. “I mean, I’ve been doing this for a couple of months.”

“Does Dana know?” he asked.

“Nah, I didn’t tell anyone. Not even Tim, he’d probably be jeal-“ 

I bit my tongue just in time, even though I didn’t really think he’d get jealous. I was just trying to make a joke I swear!

“Jealous?” my friend inquired. “Jealous of what?”

“…Uhh… jealous of my success, obviously!”

Adam didn’t seem too interested in the conversation anyway, luckily enough, so he didn’t find anything suspicious about my not-so-harmless joke about my roommate.

“That’s envy, not jealousy, you idiot.” he observed.

Never mind.

A few dozens of seconds of silence followed. Adam wasn’t exactly a talkative guy, and he does have a job and all, but if he needs extra bucks, maybe I could help.

“I’m sure we can arrange something with Greg.” I stated.

“Mh?” 

“Yeah, you can fart on Tom on Tuesdays, while I can do it on Wednesdays.”

We stared at each other for a few seconds before bursting into laughter.

“I can’t believe we’re talking about this.” Adam admitted.

“Yeah.” I patted his shoulder. “From great farts, come great responsibility.”

We remained there, on that smelly (not because of us) couch, for a few more minutes, as if all that fart-talk was the most mundane thing in the world.

“Doing something tonight?” Adam asked.

“Dana and Tim are out of town, so probably nothing. You?”

“There’s a good pub a few blocks from here. Care for a beer?”

“Always.” I simply said, as we both stood up, and started marching towards our new destination.

“Easy bro.” Adam said. “I’m not gonna drag your drunk ass back home.”

“I can handle way more beer than you, pal!” I said.

“Yeah, in your dreams maybe.” he replied.

“Alright. Ready to lose against me for the second time today?” I threatened him.

“Lose?” he scoffed. “It was literally just far-“ 

I cut him off by ripping a huge, natural blast, staring at him with a smug grin. The fart easily echoed in the alley and I’m pretty sure they heard it downtown. It was short and sweet, you might say.

4 loud, proud seconds.

“I’m sorry.” I said. “You were saying?”

Adam laughed in response. “Fine, you won whatever that was back in the warehouse.” he admitted. “But I’m still not gonna drag your sorry drunk ass back home later.”

You know me, I’m a chill guy, but if you tease me, I can get very competitive.

I again wrapped my arm around his shoulder: “If it’s a show you want, Adam, a show you’ll get.”

Nah… maybe I’m too nice.

The End

[iamnmbr3]

How the fuck can you shit on the marauders and not Draco? He was worse than them but “oh no, he was just a child” SO WERE THE MARAUDERS YOU IDIOT! You excuse Snape being a fucken bully to kids too. You’re a blood hypocrite that doesn’t understand anything from the books.

Harry wouldn’t touch Draco’s ugly ass even if he was the last person on the planet. He would choose Ron over Draco ANY DAY, IF Ginny wasn’t around. Hinny is canon and their love story is the hottest. You know what’s not canon and never will be? Drarry 💀

lmao anon i know this wasn't your intent but this ask was so funny. pls. i am begging you. go to clown school. your talents are wasted in my ask box.

omg drarry isn't canon?! what? *begins to faint* please. i beg you. say it isn't so. I can feel the world slipping away as I swoon in shock. surely not. How could it be? Nothing in the 7 book series where it wasn't canon could have prepared me for this moment. but at least there's hope. I am sure it will become canon someday. but wait. what's this? in your ask you also say drarry will NEVER be canon?! You mean JK Rowling, who is homophobic and absolutely loathes drarry and Draco won't make it canon?! Wow. I am in shock. *keels over*

Woe is me. All my hope is gone. Time to delete my blog. The power of your words was simply too much for my frail constitution.

Ah well. What world. What a world..... *fades away*

...

jk im back. *crawls out of my premature grave with an even worse case of drarry shipper brain than before* This ask is dumb. But I do feel obligated to point out that:

1) I don't believe the phrase "oh no, he was just a child” has ever appeared on this blog (until now)

2) Draco has many flaws (which I personally think make him interesting) and which I've discussed many times but at least he did grow and change and regret his actions and unlike the Marauders he never stripped someone naked for sport and in fact lacks a true sadistic streak (which is a huge problem for him). The Marauders never seem to change or regret their behavior and also get a huge pass from the narrative unlike Draco whose bigoted attitudes and bullying behaviors are portrayed as wrong.

3) I have never in my life excused Snape for bullying children. That's just a strawman argument you are invoking to make yourself sound better.

4) hinny is canon...regrettably. I personally don't find unconvincing and poorly developed romance between characters who never have a meaningful conversation after they get together to be hot. But to each their own.

5) While I do read Harry as being attracted to men I don't see him as attracted to Ron. They are super good friends but nothing in the books to me indicates Harry would see Ron in a romantic light or would be likely to choose him as a romantic partner. If ginny and draco were out as options I think he'd go for Cedric.

6) "You’re a blood hypocrite that doesn’t understand anything from the books" is the most hilarious insult I've ever heard. I have no idea what it means but I love it. So right back at you anon. YOU are a blood hypocrite that doesn’t understand anything from the books! So there! Check and mate!

[hostilecandle]

I just saw a post unironically being up in arms and pissed that the pricegaz ship exists because "a captain and a sergeant is a huge power imbalance" Please I need yall to be so fucking for real with me rn 😭😭 I've seen this take so many times and enough is enough.

Look at me, I'm gonna tell ya something, come closer- YOURE IN THE FUCKING WAR FANDOM. For the love of God get off your morality high horse and come back to earth for a second. I'm begging you to go touch some grass. If you want to play a morality game, a power imbalance between an officer and those he's in charge of should be the LAST of your worries in this fandom. (Also how funny that ghost and soap weren't mentioned as a power imbalance when it's just as bad. Yeah I fucking caught that you hypocrite)

Like come on let's be for real, if you really cared about fictional morality issues, well you wouldn't be in this fandom would you? You would be beyond pissed and sick to your stomach that there's war, actual torture, racism, and all the other "fun" things that come in a game about a proxy war and terrorists for fucks sake. You don't have any box to stand on, you're in the CALL OF DUTY FANDOM 😭😭😭 Yall wanna be special and unique SO bad. Yall just want a reason to say you're better than others and you froth at the mouth at the chance to do so.

You know this shit ain't real. You know it's a game but even still, you have to try and find something to make you better than those degenerates and it's pathetic. And again if you really cared, this game series as a whole should offend you. If yall are really so pressed about fiction and reality this whole series should make you want to throw up. This is the game series that brags about how realistic it is and how they've brought in people who've experienced this to make it as real as possible. But wait, you don't care about morality as long as it's fictional children and brown people being murdered but GOD FORBID Gaz takes a cock up his ass from Price. Its just gone TOO FAR 🙄🙄

Obligatory you can just dislike a ship for any reason. Things are allowed to squick you out. That's FINE. That's good and healthy even. You don't have to like every ship. What pisses me off is the moral soap box yall have to stand on to preach and prove why you dont like it and why everyone who does like it is bad. Idc someone doesnt ship gazprice, (I enjoy it but personally have ships I like better myself) but getting mad it exists is genuinely, and i cant stress this enough, pathetic. It's old and I'm so sick of seeing it. This is not the fandom for these games. Go back to something made for children if you want to have the moral understanding of one.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

Hot take. Everyone needs to stop pointing at one character in Jade Winglet and be like “AH! They're THE asshole of the group! That one! That one specifically!” Because everyone is an asshole.

Moonwatcher won't shut the fuck up which causes people to feel bad (Reference; Winter Turning, Pg. 75) because, hypocritically, she only has a censor if it “benefits” (hard quotation because it has always failed her. Reference; Luna and Moonwatchers interaction) her.

Qibli is an ass, like, a HUGE ass. He pressures Turtle and berates the very thing he's self-conscious about. He's got massive main-character syndrome; he wants power, he always wanted power, but he wants COMPLETE control of power without any repercussions. One of the reasons he refused Darkstalker's offer was because he wasn't entirely sure he would slip something in there.

Winter is an ass, he literally attacks other dragons without thinking about it (Reference; Peril), he's quick to strike and like Qibli, berates Turtle for being “a waste of potential” to his tribe.

Kinkajou goes off on everyone's backs and uses the remnants of the magic scroll to control and transform Darkstalkers against his consent or will. She has essentially killed him via poison. The whole book and DS character arc was trying to push through a narrative that you shouldn't control people, that you shouldn't take away their free will, and that you shouldn't transform their being into a form for your desire and comfort. Yet it's completely flipped on its head because Kinkajou wanted to be “a little silly” with her solution in ending the IceWing and NightWing conflict. She does exactly just this and that makes her part of the asshole list.

Turtle is inactive, his inaction causes a lot of problems for the others in a negative way in order to preserve his own self. He uses animus magic on Anemone just to make sure that he doesn't get any attention but this backfires and his sister is left not only being used as a WMD by Queen Coral, additionally, she is also left feeling alone in her magic. Turtle just sat on the sidelines as he actively watched Anemone get used like a tool by her mother and groomed by a disgusting snotball of a power-hungry political obsessed eel bbq dragon. His “neutrality” was incredibly toxic towards the upbringing of his sister. Yet, despite being the one guy everyone likes to pounce on and beat down he's probably the LEAST asshole character out of everyone in Jade Winglet. You can point at Turtle's issue of “not doing anything” and dig deeper to realize he's a child for one (an even younger child when he enchanted Anemone) and for two it's an unhealthy trauma response from his family. He has helped and supported every single Jade Winglet member in their “fall/on their knees” development and all he ever got in return was those to treat him like garbage (with Peril being the only one who wanted to help him and realizing how shitty animus magic is for him and attempted to make a situation better by ripping up the scroll with good intentions in mind).

Peril is probably the most self-explanatory but she tries. I can't really say anything else about the flaming toaster oven w/ the pizza box inside it dragon that not everyone else has said negatively about Peril before. She's uncontrollable and she constantly talks about hurting others, yak yak yak… Brownie points is that she's attempting to become a better person and trying to find her own path in life.

Now that everyone has run away typing furiously in the comments reblogging tags about this and that I want to emphasize that everything I said above is about CANON CONTENT. You can LOVE YOUR ASSHOLES!!! I personally LOVE MY ASSHOLES!!! There is nothing wrong with acknowledging that the protagonists that you read aren't the greatest people in the whole wide world. I know I wouldn't want to be in the same room as Peril if she was an actual person; with that said that doesn't mean she ISN’T my favorite dragon in the whole gosh darn freaking series. Winter is a bastard, I love Winter. Qibli is a bastard, I love Qibli. Moonwatcher… Actually, no. Moonwatcher can not. (this last one is a joke and a personal opinion, if I was to look at her into it retrospectively and have a positive thing to say I would say she's very neurodivergent relatable, and her power is very autism-coded.).

Jade Winglet is full of bastards.

I love my Jade Winglet bastards.

Stop being in denial and using “well I don't like [Insert Jade Winglet Member] because of what they did with [Insert Plot Point Here]” and accept that your favorite is a bastard. Tired of hearing about this rank system on who's more fucked up than the other and debating if they deserve love and respect for that. Ofc they do. They're your favs, y'all don't need to push or morally justify trying to like your favs by putting another Jade Winglet member down. You aren't impressing anyone or going “GOTCHA!” for this thought process.

Now stop fighting you cursed dragon hyperfixated disaster fandom. (/j)

Drops Mic

.

[yujeong]

I know the fandom loves making Pete have low self esteem in the sense of finding himself ugly and unworthy of being Vegas' "boyfriend" (to the point of having seen the tag "Pete's canonical low self esteem issues" in fics), but can I suggest the opposite?

Can we make Vegas feel self conscious about his appearance post canon?

Vegas, who now can't wear the clothes he used to because his scars will be visible, Vegas who now can't ride his bike or drink or party or torture or kill or stay awake all night or FUCK like before, Vegas who finds showering a chore, which leads to him letting his hair turn greasy on his head, who smells, whose breath stinks because he can't get up to brush his teeth, Vegas who now has to expose every single part of his everyday life to the most important person in his life, even the ugly parts, even the disgusting parts that he hates.

How could he bear Pete watch him struggle like this, how is it fair for Pete to have to deal with him unshaven and smelly and rotting in bed all day?

(Vegas, of course, is a huge hypocrite, because he kissed a feverish Pete who hadn't brushed his teeth in days, and found the taste sweeter than any type of candy he's ever eaten, because he ate Pete's ass when it had barely been washed at the safehouse and it was so good he couldn't stop, even after Pete had lost his mind in pleasure, because the black bags under Pete's eyes made him look otherworldly, because he became obsessed with Pete looking sick and tired as he laid next to him on the hospital bed, below all the layers of guilt he felt for putting Pete through hell multiple times.)

Please, please, I need it, and I need Pete to have the most confused look on his face as he hears Vegas whine and obsess over things he deems unimportant, because what Pete wants, what Pete has always wanted, is Vegas in his life, alive and with him.

[theyapper0]

OKAY!!!!!!! TEENAGE CHARLIE (Going by Charlotte at this point still)

FEATURING A MORNINGSTAR FAMILY PORTRAIT‼️‼️‼️‼️

So I know everyone and their mother thinks Charlie being an emo teenager is HILARIOUS (just me? Ok) BUT I think, at least in this sorta rewrite/reimagining, it can be tweaked.

From what we've seen from the little of Charlie's backstory, she's never been.... BAD. Like, I understand she's not a bad person but what made her believe that people could change???? What was her reason for thinking that???

And what better proof could she have than herself!!??

(and ofc maybe the show DOES have an explanation as to why she thinks the way she does but I think the best reason for her to believe that people, more specially SINNERS, could change is if she HERSELF had changed!!)

More explanation on teenage Charlotte and some other stuff under the cut in case you don't wanna hear my rambling hahaha

So what I imagine is that Charlie didn't start going by Charlie until AFTER she decided to make a change for herself.

So Charlotte Morningstar is the only child of the Devil, Lucifer and the first woman, Lilith, as well as the sole heir to the throne of Hell.

And she was a total sleazebag.

She did all kinds of drugs and partook in all of the Hellish virtues that eternal donation had to offer, that also includes the infamous hunting trips that she and Lucifer would go on together (as mentioned in this post)

She was aggressive, violent and unfaithful. I imagine that Charlotte was a total shit ass kid who got into trouble all the time (which was basically encouraged by Lucifer and so long as she did what Lilith told her when it came to meeting advisors and ruling, Lilith didn't care how she was either)

Charlotte still dated Seviathan like in canon. I wanted to lean into the Eldritch part of his name but something that isn't too complicated LOL, so I made him have a whole bunch of mouths all over him (his right eyes, his ears, and there's a LOAD more that are just usually covered up by his clothes). He's like a mouth themed vampire-demon thing to me <3

He's pretty arrogant and mean, a huge jerk like Charlotte, that's why they were together. They were both really similar at the time and just enabled each other's bad and violent behaviors.

Then eventually Charlotte realized that hurting people and being super evil was NOT GOOD and began to change. (This change is noticed in her physical appearance (no longer showing her horns) and starting to go by Charlie :)

This caused a LOT of rifts and tension between her, her parents and peers tbh (this was expanded on in this post)

And have a little bonus for humoring me with my insanity.

I think once it's revealed that Vaggie was an exorcist angel, Charlie's gonna fucking FLIP (obviously). Her biggest reason is still how it was in canon, how Vaggie had lied to her and kept the whole thing a secret BUT!!!!!

She's also gonna feel conflicted BECAUSE she ALSO did bad in her past and she doesn't wanna look like a hypocrite if she's crucifying Vaggie for doing the same! But she's mad! But she also did bad!!! She's just gonna be super mixed up and conflicted and confused LOL

[mageknight14]

I loved how NEO pulled the rug out with Rindo’s character. At first, he generally seems much more sociable and outwardly friendly compared to Neku and then the game quickly goes "yeah, nah, he’s a huge fucking mess too." He’s a good kid fundamentally at his core but he can also be whiny, hypocritical, passive-aggressive, and kind of insensitive at times. He has a tendency to be judgemental and harsh to the people around him while not acknowledging his own faults, like when he complains about Beat joining the team even though he saved their lives beforehand because he’s not Neku or when he gives Fret shit for fawning over Eiji Oji and Kanon while falling for Motoi’s BS. He’s so pessimistic about himself and others that not even a death game that heavily emphasizes the value of teamwork can get him to fully come out of his shell, which is where his time-travel powers come in AND EVEN THEN it’s a double-edged sword since on one hand, it forces him to actively step up to the plate and survey the situation to find the best possible solution, which leads to him slowly growing out of his shell, but on the other, it also leads to him becoming overly reliant on his time travel so that he can walk back from potentially life-changing decisions without having to worry about it since he has a magic reset button. Which ends up biting him in the ass. Hard.

He’s one of those types of people who is ultimately a thinker and planner instead of a do-er, but his being young and overly impressionable takes this personality quirk to such an extreme that he's foundationally useless to most groups. He’s the type of person who you have in a group project who sits around and does nothing, but then complains with the project does poorly because he couldn't be bothered to speak.

He's so unconfident and directionless that he uses effectively Instagram as a means to listen to someone who sounds like some 2deep4u philosopher post dumb flowery bullshit that effectively has all the meaning of "Drink water when you're thirsty." and he admits to finding such "deep" meaning in these posts that it supposedly helped him through life. Because he's 15 and doesn't know anything.

However, all of this makes him interesting as a character because he’s, again, still a fundamentally good kid at his core. While he’s shown to have a fuse, he is also the kind of person who has the ability to think his emotions through. That's what we ultimately see when he and Fret finally talk and drop their beef. The game depicting Rindo's capacity for self-awareness and emotional reflection is a positive revelation of his character strengths. He proves that he's capable of recognizing when he's in the wrong and knows how to apologize, a trait he shows quite a few times throughout the story, while also doing everything he can to set things right as well as be more understanding toward how his friends feels.

He’s kind of the guy who will drop everything to help a little kid out, even when there’s no tangible benefit to doing so and he and the others are shown to be on limited time, shows empathy to his friends/fallen enemies, and feels massive amounts of guilt for his actions, even if he didn’t know better at the time.

Hell, the entire endgame is fueled by his selfish yet understandable desire to save the people he cares about most from total erasure, to the point that he’s willing to risk thousands of lives to do so. But not only is he shown to be internally grappling with himself regarding his decision but he’s also willing to take responsibility and ensure that EVERYTHING goes right not just for himself and his friends but the people of Shibuya in general, in a parallel to Neku’s own selfish if understandable decision to put the bonds he formed in the original game (particularly with Joshua) over the actual city.

Characters aren't interesting simply by switching between 2 different character traits. They're interesting when all those traits are being expressed at the same time for reasons that are consistent within their internal logic. You gotta be a good writer to pull that off and you gotta know when to show off these dimensions during your story to achieve proper dramatic effect when the time calls for it and NEO I feel does this pretty damn well.

[blues824]

Scenario where Obey me MC gets drunk and becomes a rowdy drunk who thinks and acts they’re a cowboy. And when they get on Belphie’s back they think he’s a horse and smacked his rear end yelling giddy up!

Gender-neutral reader.

Lucifer

All he wanted was to celebrate you for your hard work

He didn’t mean for you to get absolutely drunk off the demonus he purchased

But here you were, seemingly having the time of your life

Honestly, you deserved this because you constantly deal with bullshit

Then, he realized that he lost sight of you

There was a huge ‘YEE HAW’ that he recognizes, and he rushed over

Just to see you on his youngest brother’s back and smack his ass before yelling giddy up

That’s when Lucifer deems that you have had enough to drink and brings you to your room

Mammon

Man is also wasted beyond belief 

What did you expect? Him not to take advantage of Lucifer’s purchase?

You both were really feeling the alcohol, though

There was a point where he almost had the liquid courage to confess to you

Unfortunately, he couldn’t find you

However, there was a sudden ‘YEE HAW’, and Mammon just about snapped his neck in your direction 

In the middle of the room, you were on Belphie’s back while you smacked the youngest’s ass while shouting to ‘giddy up’

That is when Mammon swooped in and took you to your room

Leviathan

He’s a bit tipsy

And he’s on the karaoke bar 

You were also supposed to be on the karaoke bar because you had a duo planned

But you were nowhere to be found

He used the stage to survey the area, and he found you

On his brother’s back

Acting like he was an actual cow and you were a cowboy 

Since he was kind of jealous, he immediately took you by the arm and took you to your room while giving you a glass of water and some advil for the inevitable hangover

Satan

He’s also a bit tipsy

But he’s that romantic kind of drunk, and he wanted nothing more than to take you to bed and call it a night

Unfortunately, the only thing he was missing was you

He looked all over

Just to find you riding on Belphie’s back, smacking his side, and yelling giddy up 

Satan let out a sigh of exasperation before getting a genius idea

He whipped out his phone and started recording

Eventually, he deems it time to send you to bed

Asmodeus

Bro is wasted and is trying to get you to sleep with him

Unfortunately, you’re a goofy drunk

Asmo looks away for 5 seconds, and you’re gone

He is looking everywhere for you, then he finds you 

But then he starts whining because you are riding Belphie’s back and not his own-

Ahem… this is supposed to be family friendly

Even though this is hypocritical, he makes sure you drink water

He also brings you to your room so that you can get proper rest. Even if you’re hungover, you need proper sleep!

Beelzebub

He’s a bit loose, but not enough to be called tipsy

So, he assigned himself the job of looking after you

Unfortunately, his stomach led him to the food table

When he returns to his seat, you aren’t there

He low-key starts to panic as he’s looking around until he heard a loud YEE HAW

You were riding on Belphie’s back, smacking his rear, and yelling giddy up as though he were a horse

He lets out a chuckle before picking you up and over his shoulders

And carrying you to your room

Belphegor

He was late to the party, so he’s a bit loose

What he did not expect to happen was for you to shove him to the floor

He thought something else was going to happen

But no… you hopped onto his back

Yelling things like YEE HAW and GIDDY UP

YOU THOUGHT YOU WERE A COWBOY AND HE WAS THE FUCKING HORSE??

Mans has never felt so disrespected before

Begs for Lucifer to save him from this Hell, and the eldest brother lets out an amused sigh before saving the day once again

Diavolo

He is quite drunk, but not wasted

He’s just in a silly goofy mood

It seems that you are also in a silly goofy mood

But you both display that in different ways

Diavolo tends to make jokes

You tend to ride Belphie’s back as though you were a cowboy and the poor demon was a horse

With a shout of GIDDY UP, you sent everyone laughing

The young prince was doubled over in the kind of laughter that hurts your stomach and your face

Barbatos

He knew that you + alcohol = no bueno

But he couldn’t do much since Diavolo ordered the party

So, he had some demonus as well, but he wasn’t drunk yet

Then, he realizes that no one has seen you in a while

It only took one loud whoop of YEE HAW and a random cowboy hat being thrown in the air for him to realize where you are

And let me tell you

Bro tried so hard to not laugh

He thought it was about time you went to bed, since it was clear that you were wasted beyond belief.

Solomon

He’s a bit giggly

But he’s sober enough to walk in a straight line

Also sober enough to realize when you’ve disappeared from his side

He looked all over the room

Just to find you riding Belphie’s back and shouting YEE HAW and GIDDY UP

This kind of sent him over the edge and he started laughing as well

His laugh caught the attention of all the others

It got worse when Belphegor begged Lucifer to help

Simeon

There’s not a lot of strong alcohol in the Celestial Realm

I swear, this man gets a whiff of demonus and he’s already wasted

But you were his drinking buddy, so when you’re gone he notices

He asks around and no one has seen you

Then there’s a shout of YEE HAW, and he finds you

On Belphie’s back

Riding him like a cowboy

Bro’s gone and ascended to heaven for you

[yeoosaangg]

៹ EVERYTIME || KINKTOBER ─ DAY 6

➛ PAIRING:: KANG YEOSANG × FEM!READER

➛ NOW PLAYING:: EVERYTIME — ARIANA GRANDE

⤷ ❝YOU GET HIGH AND CALL ON THE REGULAR, I GET WEAK AND FALL LIKE A TEENAGER.❞

➛ GENRE:: COLLEGE!AU, EXES TO LOVERS, SMUT

➛ WARNINGS:: PUBLIC SEX, FINGERING, MULTIPLE ORGASMS, SPANKING

── ⋆ ⋆ ── 𔘓 ── ⋆ ⋆ ──

This was not a normal party. You read the conditions sent to you by your friend.

This specific party was hosted by another college's fraternity representatives. You wonder what went through their minds when coming up with such a concept.

This was basically an orgy.

You still dressed the part, or lack there of. A white, long-sleeved crop top adorned with a black mini skirt that hung just underneath your ass. You are not wearing any panties - they were just gonna come off anyway.

The apparent bouncer let's you in, but not without smacking your ass as you walk by.

On a normal day, you'd kick him where the sun don't shine. But his behavior was expected at these kinds of parties.

You're also there to get fucked by anyone. You need to forget about your ex that dumped you two weeks ago.

He told you you weren't able to satisfy him in bed, leaving you heartbroken. He broke it off to go and sleep with other women.

You attending this party was a step in gaining that confidence back that he took from you that night.

You walk into a room, already seeing lots of people having sex. Everyone was naked and sweaty, moaning out their pleasures.

You make your way into a different part of the house, seeing multiple girls getting ate out on the kitchen counter.

A guy that was seemingly watching over everyone spots you, inviting you over to him.

?: You new to these types of parties?

Y/n: Yeah... That obvious?

?: The clothes gave it away. You can put them in this bag and get them back later.

Y/n: Thanks.

He gave you a huge permanent marker, setting your things into a cabinet. You make sure to remember which one if you plan on getting out of there.

?: I'm Sunwoo, by the way.

You introduce yourself as he helps you onto the counter. He spreads your legs, looking at you in silent permission.

You nod, giving him the go-ahead.

His lips wrap around your clit, making you arch into his mouth. He licks up and down your folds, giving you such a euphoric orgasm.

He just continues devouring your pussy, feeling your legs wrap around his head.

Your eyes flutter open, proving to be a mistake. You lock eyes with a very angry Yeosang, your ex-boyfriend.

But he has no right to be angry. He broke up with you and said you were terrible at it. He's probably been with multiple girls since then!

You smirk, pushing Sunwoo further into your pussy. His tongue fucks into your cunt, making you cum again.

He takes a breather, cheek against your thigh.

Sunwoo: You've loosened up now, I suggest you go find someone to dick you down. I've got to check on the other party guests.

You smile and nod, thanking him for helping you feel more comfortable with this sort of thing. You walk out, trying to avoid your ex-boyfriend, but it was no use.

Yeosang: What the fuck are you doing here?

Y/n: Did you fucking follow me? If you must know, I'm here to get railed.

Yeosang: No the fuck you're not. Grab your shit, we're leaving.

Y/n: Fuck off. You look like you're here for the same reason. So just go away and let me have sex.

Yeosang: No one here can satisfy you but me.

You scoff, pushing him off of you. The audacity of him to say that after what he did?

Y/n: You're a fucking hypocritical asshole! You broke up with me and said I couldn't satisfy you sexually. Now you're acting jealous after some guy ate me out better than you?

You huff, feeling absolutely annoyed by the man standing in front of you.

He grabs your arms, pinning them above your head. His eyes glare into yours, his dick pressing up into your cunt.

Yeosang: No one is better than me.

Y/n: Keep lying to yourself. His tongue made me cum faster than you ever did.

Yeosang: I miss you.

What the fuck?

Is he on drugs? Because his mood swings are all over the place.

His face buries itself into your neck, trailing kisses on your skin.

Y/n: You broke up with me.

Yeosang: Because I was scared. I've never had someone I craved more than you. I was always the fuckboy, not one for commitment. Until you.

Bullshit.

Yeosang: So I decided it was better to break up with you, that it didn't matter if you to hated me.

Y/n: I don't believe you.

Yeosang: I swear, princess. I've never touched another girl since I met you.

You want to believe him, but he broke your trust completely. He destroyed your confidence when it came to intimacy.

Y/n: I can't.

Yeosang: Let me show you how much I love you, baby. Please?

His stupid and sexy face... You sigh, leaning your head to the side so he can have access to your neck.

He does this everytime he hurts your feelings. He apologizes, makes you feel so loved, only to hurt you again. But you give in because you love him.

He starts trailing hickeys along your neck and collarbones. Goosebumps form on your skin as his tongue laps over your nipple.

Y/n: Please.

He smirks, using his middle finger to rub circles on your clit. You moan loudly, but no one bats an eye. They're too busy getting dicked down to pay attention to you.

The fact that you're in front of people, naked and having sex, gives you an excitement like no other. It's not too public, but the idea that it could very well be was intoxicating.

Yeosang: Should've punched that dude in the face. Touching my girl and making you cum. Had fun having another guy's tongue in your cunt?

You moan, nodding your head. You wanted to push your ex's buttons for hurting you.

Y/n: Made me feel good.

He starts to brutally finger you, making you scream.

Yeosang: Wrong fucking answer, love.

You whine, feeling another orgasm threatening to rip you apart. The feeling never came, Yeosang having pulled his fingers out.

Y/n: Why!

Yeosang: You're being a bad girl. You deserve to be punished.

Y/n: No, I'll be good. Promise.

Yeosang: Too late, princess.

He drags you down the hallway and into a bedroom. Three other couples were having such nasty sex, it made your pussy throb.

You want that right now.

Yeosang pulls you over his lap, hand caressing your ass. You whimper and wiggle your ass in anticipation. You call this a funishment rather than a punishment.

Yeosang: You better fucking count.

You nod, yelping at the first hard smack on your right ass cheek.

Y/n: One.

Another harsh smack, but onto your left ass cheek.

Y/n: Two.

The cycle kept going until you got to thirty spankings. Tears stream down your face, ass burning from the impact of his hand.

Yeosang: Don't act like you hated that. I can see your pussy dripping.

You bite down on your bottom lip when two of his fingers slide into you with ease. He uses his free hand to massage your red marks.

Y/n: Faster. Wanna cum.

He gives you what you want since you've done good to take your form of punishment.

You squirt all over his fingers, humming as you finally get to orgasm.

Yeosang: Sit on this fucking cock, love.

You sit up, straddling him while aligning his cock to your hole. You sink down, cunt swallowing him in perfectly.

He grips your waist, guiding you up and down his cock.

You scream and moan, arms wrapping around his neck. You pull him to a kiss, biting his bottom lip.

You match his rhythm, bouncing on his dick with such desperation. His moans fill your ear, egging you on to move your hips faster.

You bury your head in his neck, biting down while you cum again. He continues to pound into you, chasing his own orgasm.

Y/n: Gimme.

He chuckles, rubbing your clit with his thumb.

Your eyes roll back, feeling overstimulated as his cock pumps into you again and again.

Y/n: Tummy fuzzy.

Yeosang kisses all over your face, giving you permission to cum. He spills into you, staying inside your warm pussy as you catch your breaths.

Y/n: S'Good. More please.

Yeosang: So cock hungry. As you wish, love.

═══

a/n: i'm in love with this man. thanks for reading ‹𝟹