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mbti-notes · 4 years ago

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INFJ. Processing past Fe failures. Want to get better at socializing / having deeper relationships/friendships. Muddling through Ti development - desiring to get better at self-awareness + communication. A lot in my brain and it'd be a lot to share the entirety of recent exchanges that have ended up in failed relationships, so I'll try asking this and hope it's enough to get critical thinking help from you, thank you much in advance. (1/2)

[con't: I notice a pattern of me trying to communicate and express myself to be understand by, or be emotionally met by Fi users, and them responding by saying things like "I don't know what you want from me", "I don't know how to help you," "I'm sorry you feel that way" or them even saying variations of "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" (ENTJ) if I express that I feel dismissed, uncomfortable, or disrespected.

This isn't ALL Fi users thank God & I'm in therapy now to address my downplaying of my emotional needs, being willing to work through anything even though the romantic relationships I'm attracting are woefully incompatible or unhealthy. But I want to get better at doing my part to increase the chance of relationships building. What am I doing/expecting/judging in my communication with Fi users so they respond that way or has me feeling being unseen/misunderstood? Is it the basic INFJ recs?]

You point to Fi specifically. Fi doesn't require outside validation, so perhaps what you're encountering is their lack of concept of outside validation, in the manner that you're seeking it with Fe.

All of those example statements sound like they could be taken sincerely. "I don't know what you want from me" could be an opportunity for you to better explain what you need/want. "I don't know how to help you" could be an opportunity for you to provide better instructions. "I'm sorry you feel that way" could be a helpless admission that the two of you don't see things the same way. "Maybe you're not used to my communication style" could be an indication that there is a need to investigate the big gap between what was perceived and what was actually intended.

Not everyone is going to see eye-to-eye with you, not everyone is going to agree with your version of events, not everyone is going to care about your needs and feelings enough to address them kindly and patiently. This should all be okay with you unless you were walking around expecting everyone out there to have the capacity to meet you emotionally or validate your emotions (unhealthy Fe)? That's simply not gonna happen, so it's an unreasonable expectation. That's why it's so important that YOU be the first to take care of yourself and own your emotions, set proper personal boundaries, and navigate interpersonal boundaries more gracefully.

If you feel someone has violated your boundary (i.e. you feel hurt by them), the answer isn't to violate theirs in return. You're trying to fix a problem in the relationship, so further damaging the relationship isn't going to help. Whether you are right to feel hurt is not the main issue. Feelings themselves are always true and tell you something true about you. However, what you DO about the feelings isn't always right. There are two main ways people deal with negative feelings: 1) bottle them up, which amounts to self-harm, or 2) express them, which opens up the possibility of doing harm to others, if they don't have the means to process your feelings. Neither way is ideal.

If your main approach is to expect people to change (when they can't or don't want to), expect them to give you more than they are capable of giving (due to not having the means or resources), expect them to understand something that they are not really capable of understanding (when they just don't think in the same way as you), etc, your expectations are easily perceived as "demands". You're essentially pressuring people to be what you want them to be, which amounts to dishonoring them and violating their boundary. This approach is usually met with submission or resistance. If they submit to you (because they care for you), they will be unhappy for having allowed you to violate their boundary, and the problem will recur because it was only swept under the rug. If they resist you, conflict ensues, and the relationship bond will be tested and possibly threatened, especially if the conflict recurs without resolution.

There is a way to honor your feelings while also honoring others' feelings. It requires you to have good emotional intelligence and be a good communicator. Good emotional intelligence means respecting your feelings and taking full responsibility for them. Instead of seeing yourself as the victim (i.e. "you made me feel this way"), you see yourself as an agent with the power to decide what is best (i.e. "I feel this way and this is what I should do about it"). Positioning yourself as a passive or helpless victim means that you cast blame and eventually demand reparations. Positioning yourself as an active and influential agent means that you survey the situation objectively and then try to act in the best interests of everyone involved. This is what healthy and confident Fe should look like.

For example, when you feel dismissed, maybe you bottle it up for awhile, until you can't take it anymore (because the problem remains unaddressed). Then you confront people and say, "I feel dismissed". This implies that the other person has done something bad to you. You are the victim, which puts them on the spot, feeling like the bad guy, and then they can't hear you, due to becoming too preoccupied with not wanting to be the bad guy. Communication is likely to stall there, unless they have the wherewithal (emotional intelligence) to keep their focus on you and your concerns.

Instead, you could say to yourself, "I feel dismissed". You take full responsibility for your feelings and validate them for yourself. When you are good at validating your own feelings and emotions (something you admit you really struggle with), you'll eventually find that you won't need to rely on others to do it for you.

What does it mean to feel dismissed? It means that you believe you're not being taken seriously, or something to that effect. Not very difficult to understand. What to do about it? The feeling of disharmony is a message to you that you have to do more to advocate for yourself and make space for yourself within the relationship/group (it is good Fe advice). There are many ways to advocate for yourself without stepping on others. If you choose the right way, in terms of honoring everyone involved, the feeling of being dismissed will dissipate naturally. If you choose the wrong way, in terms of honoring yourself but dishonoring others, you'll encounter the problem again, because you haven't addressed the underlying problem of you positioning yourself as the victim in every relationship conflict. Chronic victim mentality is often an indication that you depend too much on outside validation of your self-worth.

Unless you are stuck in a very toxic social environment, the majority of people are not malicious for no reason. Before accusing or blaming, are you absolutely certain that they INTENDED to dismiss you? If not, wouldn't it be wise to gather more info? For instance, you could ask something like, "Have you had the time to give my idea serious consideration?" No blaming, no battling, no victim-victimizer dynamic. Do you understand how communicating without blame, through genuine inquiry, avoids trapping the both of you in a vicious cycle of seeking emotional reparations? You give people the benefit of the doubt. You give people the chance to clarify or explain. You give yourself the chance to grasp the FULL picture so that you can make a more informed decision about what to do (based on their response to your question). But this presence of mind isn't possible when you can't accept your feelings/emotions and they run wild as a result.

One common misapplication of Ti is the tendency to jump to illogical conclusions or make up illogical stories about what is motivating people's negative behavior, all the while believing that you're being completely logical. It's a destructive way to deal with negative or disharmonious feelings. Once the false narrative infects your mind, you can't help but perceive the person as attacking you, even when they're not. This misuse of Ti is a major impediment to relationship building.

The problem with victim mentality is that you are hyperfocused on your perspective only, so you only have half the picture, which means making ill-informed decisions. If you are prone to Ti loop, you need to get to the bottom of why you're so quick to position yourself in the passive position of victim. A healthy relationship should be an equal partnership based on trust, which means that you should always try to 1) give people the benefit of the doubt, and 2) gather the facts of the situation before drawing a conclusion about what they intended or what kind of character they are.

If the fact of the matter is that the person really doesn't care about your feelings, then you know not to seek validation from them, and perhaps distance from them for your own good. Don't play around in toxic or abusive relationships. If the fact of the matter is that your perception of the situation doesn't match up with what they intended to say/do, then it's up to you to straighten out the situation in your mind before proceeding.

Trust your feelings, validate your feelings, but don't act blindly on them (i.e. without fully grasping what's happening with the other person). Figure out why exactly you're feeling what you're feeling, then take it up with the person in a way that addresses the root of the problem and in a way that doesn't immediately put them on the defensive. Conflict is sometimes unavoidable, but being more skilled at communicating your concerns will certainly reduce the amount of pain required to reach a resolution.

#infj #infj relationships #emotional intelligence #auxiliary fe #ti loop #communication #self worth #victim mentality #boundaries #relationships #conflict #ask

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tenshindon · 4 years ago

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if i think about tien fretting over chiaotzu and yamcha’s safety one more time i think i might explode so For Once i’m writing out my thoughts in the main part of the post :)))) under the cut of course :))))))

We all know that Tien’s concerned over Chiaotzu’s well-being all the time, like that’s a defining part of their relationship. Even when they’re already dead Tien’s still horrified at the prospect of Chiaotzu dying during their spar with Piccolo. However it isn’t until Resurrection F that we’re given a notice that Tien’s concerned over Yamcha as well. Whether this was a development exclusive to Super or it’s just been a background thing that’s only now manifesting in the subtlest of ways, we will never know <3 Either that or my memory of Everything Ever is very hazy <3 however I will talk about it anyways because my brain is decaying as we speak because holy shit

Like through Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z, we repeatedly see Yamcha extending his heart out to Tien: Yamcha repeatedly pleading with Tien to reconsider learning the mafuba, Yamcha granting Tien reassurance before he goes off to fight Tao and subsequently understanding Tien needs time alone after the fight, Yamcha wishing to stay with Tien and Chiaotzu in the afterlife, and so on. From these instances alone, we know that Yamcha is certainly more open about his affection and care towards his friends (which is a whole post I can make on its own, Yamcha’s incredibly emotionally intelligent and it’s so good).

However this type of care isn’t exactly reciprocated towards Yamcha- or not as obviously, anyways. Which isn’t all too surprising; pardon Chiaotzu and especially by Z, Tien’s very reserved and generally just keeps to himself and Chiaotzu.

However, as aforementioned, Tien remarks that he left Yamcha and Chiaotzu behind away from the fight. It’s a rather innocuous line when you think of it: on the surface, Tien’s just clarifying- well, he just left Yamcha and Chiaotzu behind because he feels it’s too dangerous for them. But then you have to ask the question: since when did Tien have authority over what Yamcha did? And why was Yamcha so willing to listen? Was Yamcha just not clued in on what was happening and Tien figured he wouldn’t tell him?

Chiaotzu is understandable; despite Chiaotzu being just five years younger than Tien and thus being in his early 40′s by Super, Tien still treats him like a younger brother and as his guardian. So when he so casually adds Yamcha to this- to just so naturally say “I left Chiaotzu and Yamcha behind. The danger seems too much for them,” it just really makes you think a bit. Because Tien made a conscious decision to leave Yamcha behind for his well-being.

In this instance Tien is putting Yamcha on the same- or at least similar level as Chiaotzu, someone we’re all very well aware that he would literally kill someone for, even if that someone is himself. The meta explanation for this could very well just be Toei didn’t want to bother giving Yamcha and Chiaotzu anything to do during the movie, and since they were already perceived as the weakest among the cast it was much easier to leave them out of it entirely (though that’s a rant for another day). The issue that arises however is that Toei accidentally (or maybe intentionally) adds a layer to Tien and Yamcha’s relationship, or at least shows us that Tien does care about Yamcha’s safety and shows some type of growth to Tien. As I talked about before, Tien is reserved and doesn’t wear his heart on his sleeve- so for an action like this to occur on his part, it demonstrates a great leap in his development as a person and opening up.

And the thing about this is that it’s not entirely out of Tien’s character to leave people behind to protect them- it’s completely in character, in a way. During the Saiyan Saga, Tien initially attempts to dissuade Chiaotzu from attending the Saiyan fight, forming a similar excuse as that it would be too dangerous for him. With an instance like this, it shows us that if Tien isn’t confident he can protect Chiaotzu on the battlefield, the most he can do is make sure he’s at home and assuredly safe. He does this again during the Cell Saga by leaving Chiaotzu at Roshi’s abode, once again asserting that it would be too dangerous for Chiaotzu.

During Z Tien doesn’t show this type of concern towards Yamcha, which isn’t wrong or even irrational. Amidst Z, Yamcha was more than capable of taking care of himself and looking after his own back; Tien didn’t reason it would make sense for him to look after him. Not only that, but Tien and Chiaotzu’s relationship is just seemingly more natural to him: he’s known Chiaotzu since he was a child, it makes sense for his care to be more open and at the ready. Tien knows Chiaotzu and his boundaries, and vice versa.

The important thing about Tien though, as I already mentioned right- he’s reserved. Coupled with the fact he was raised by Shen and Tao of all people, it’s probably hard for him to make deep connections with people, let alone traditionally express care. That’s why Chiaotzu is such an anchor for him: he’s really all he has at the end of the day, if not himself. And he’s already demonstrated he’d rather die than live without his brother.

Shifting to Yamcha, it’s... a topic that really should be touched on more. When Yamcha dies during the Saiyan Saga, the anime offers a particular reaction shot on Tien. It’s not much all things considered, but it does allow the viewer to be able to identify that Yamcha’s death had somewhat of a significant impact on Tien specifically, as he’s the only one with an isolated reaction shot (which is especially telling considering Krillin was friends with Yamcha longer and logically would be more devastated and more deserving of a singular shot. He gets this, however by actually checking on Yamcha’s body but I could touch on that whole topic another time). Later on in the Cell saga, Tien is subjected to watching Yamcha die (or be on the precipice of dying) again via Dr. Gero; Tien is the first of the Z Fighters to show up to the scene, thus giving us another Tien-specific reaction shot.

Obviously, Tien’s reactions to Yamcha and Chiaotzu differ severely; we’ve already gone over why Chiaotzu has a greater bond to Tien, and despite the friendship Yamcha and Tien have been able to build over the years it would be near impossible for Yamcha to ever be totally on the same level as Chiaotzu. But at the very least and looking at the Resurrection F dialogue, Yamcha’s deadly experiences have had a lasting impact on Tien.

It wouldn’t be improbable to assume Tien suffered from guilt from Chiaotzu dying during the Saiyan Saga- he even warned Chiaotzu about coming along, so being helpless to protect his brother as he watched him be bashed before he ultimately kills himself could have been certainly traumatizing. Chiaotzu’s death in the Saiyan Saga, in my opinion, is more devastating than his King Piccolo death.

Against King Piccolo Chiaotzu was killed swiftly, and he was at least able to leave a body behind. Of course, there definitely comes feelings of guilt at the fact Tien was the one who instructed Chiaotzu to get into danger in the first place- which is probably why he’s more open to the idea of letting Chiaotzu sit a fight out in the future. During the Saiyan Saga, Chiaotzu is thrashed over and over again and rammed against mountains while Tien is found in a similar position of being physically incapable of protecting him. The whole display definitely lasts much longer than the King Piccolo incident, and it’s far more agonizing as Chiaotzu telepathically communicates with Tien during this. All for it to culminate in Chiaotzu uselessly sacrificing himself, Tien even hallucinating Chiaotzu amidst delirium.

Tien best shows his care through action and protecting those he loves- he’s just incapable of verbally saying he cares and thus best does it through service. For Tien to implicitly order Yamcha to stay away from the fight with Chiaotzu, it shows us that he harbors similar feelings of fear, guilt, and care that he does towards Chiaotzu towards Yamcha as well. Tien does his best to keep Chiaotzu away from fights because he’s afraid of losing him again because he wasn’t strong enough to protect him- it’s a fair-enough bet to wager this fear extends towards losing Yamcha as well.

Which not only makes Tien’s underwhelming reaction to Earth blowing up so fuckinnnn aggravating like oh my god like fucking he actually kept his loved ones behind and they still died can you imagine the fuckin turmoil and angst jesus christ im going insane Also this is why I needed a fucking scene of these three knuckleheads talking about chiaotzu and yamcha staying behind like toei im begging you throw me a bone LMAOOOO

#snap chats #long post #i hate being so shit at words but yeah holy shit im going insane #this shit has fucked me up for motnhs #and it makes me so upset with how its handled- or how it isnt rather #like theres SO much to unpack #again im not very good at words and ive probably repeated myself or like #everything might be incoherant as fuck #all that matters tho is if my homie gets it :)#i will find that out in four hours when she wakes up #this honestly turned more into an overview of chiaotzu and tien's relationship??#i dont even know what the focus was here fuck dude #again this is literlaly just me RAMBLING #god help me make a coherant thought #i might touch this topic again when like. i know how to fucking WRITE #but yeah #i hope everyone nkows im dying inside because this shit is like #like holy FUCK dude jesus CHRIST #ok bye dont look at me #im not proofreading this any more im tired of looking at this #no one's going to even read it who cares we outtie baby #i feel like i want to say so much more but jesus chrit im so bad at words #i really just cannot express to you guys how impotrant this is to me????#or at least how interesting it is to me

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ask-the-twst-girls · 4 years ago

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Interactions with the twst!girls Part 1: Rosia Rosehearts

Quick note: I decided to start this series just to clarify how the muses in this blog in would interact with their fellow NRC students, or at least the core cast. This list will be rather long so I will be making this a series. This will be rather long, but anyway, Let's get Started!

Rosia Rosehearts

General Headcanons

Being a 2nd-year transfer from Golden Crown University (Girls version of RSA), Rosia was very off-spoken and polite when she first entered NRC.

Her concerning nature has basically caused everyone to see her as either as an older sister or a Mom-figure, so she's used to it.

In her opinion, everyone in her dorm is her family and she does her best to look out for everyone. Especially as a 3rd-year

Her Unique Magic is pretty handy and she can play therapist when she needs to. She doesn't do it all the time though and in Heartslaybul, it's basically an unspoken rule that if something is wrong, or you have a problem, you go to Rosia.

Heartslaybul Relations

We'll start with Riddle since he's practically king here (and it's his B-Day LOL).

Rosia and Riddle are blood-related as Cousins, so they are very close. Riddle doesn't like it when Rosia coddles her too much, so she knows the boundaries.

Only when they are behind closed doors is she allowed to hug him, give him treats or whatever she normally does when it's just the two of them.

Rosia is extremely protective of Riddle, since she knows first-hand how bad his side of the family is

Alright, next we'll go to Trey. Rosia knows him because he's friends with Riddle. She often plays messenger because of the "incident" that happened when Riddle and Trey were kids (i.e: getting caught by Riddle's mother)

As a result, if Trey has anything he wants to give Riddle, it's usually through Rosia.

Between the two of them, Rosia sees him as a brother, almost. She's glad that he's also worried about Riddle and that she doesn't have to bear that burden alone.

Loves it when he bakes Pear cakes, one of her favorite treats.

Alrighty, with Cater, I will warn you ahead of time that there is Canon x OC content ahead, so if you don't want to hear it, I suggest you move on.

Cater basically fell in love with Rosia at first sight. He claimed that he reminded her of Roselia, the painting mentioned in the game. Of course, it took a while for Rosia to feel the same way about Cater, as she wasn't one normally for Romance.

During her first (2nd-year) year in NRC, she treated Cater like a brother. However, when she entered her third year, it wasn't long before she started to have some feelings for him.

Despite his phone addiction, she still found a way to like him. She does encourage Cater to take a few minutes away from his phone, but it doesn't always work. It doesn't bother her though, as he's pretty open about what he does.

Doesn't mind whenever he wants to post selfies of their activities.

When they announced they were dating, it took Trey holding Riddle back to keep him from beheading Cater on the spot. I mean, this is his cousin we're talking about XD

He eventually got used to it, with some help from Rosia.

Now onto the Idiot duo. Rosia refers to Ace and Deuce as the "Dorm Brothers" as to her, they have a pretty brotherly rivalry. Ergo "Dorm Brothers".

No matter how many times Ace tried to remind her that he had an older brother, Rosia is still pretty set on it.

She seems particularly worried about the mischief they get into. Not because of the dorm's reputation, but mostly because she doesn't want Riddle to bust a vein yelling at them.

Ace is rather annoyed by Rosia and her worrying but Deuce respects her a lot. Mostly because she's an upper-classman.

Savannaclaw Relations

Alright, let's move on to Savannaclaw. In general, Rosia tends to stay away from there, due to the unsavory nature of many of the Beastmen (not saying they're perverts but what do you expect from a bunch of rowdy delinquents?)

With Leona, Rosia doesn't like how lazy he is. She has come across him napping a few times or just slacking off in general.

She will scold him whenever he is overworking Ruggie or not respecting him. She doesn't even flinch whenever he yells back at her.

Her Secret: Whenever he gets into an unreasonable mood, she always imagines him as her aunt (Riddle's mother) and is able to stay calm, as opposed to crying or running away like some of the other girls have.

Leona always calls her the "Nagging Red-Head" and claims that she's worse then Riddle, which she doesn't care about.

For her, it's on sight and she won't hesitate to remind Leona to get his ass to class or even do more to help Ruggie. She dislikes Slackers in general and no insults are enough to get through to her.

With Ruggie, Rosia will not hesitate to help him if she sees that he needs it. Especially if it has to do with Leona. After all, whenever she sees the poor guy struggling, she can't help it.

Will sometimes give Ruggie homemade donuts made by Trey to help his mood. Even when Trey doesn't bake, Rosia will buy him some from the store or just any treat to ease his mind.

Will often offer advice on how to deal with Leona (based on personal experience) or tips on a system to help keep his room neater.

Ruggie sees her as an older sister (like a lot of the other students) and appreciates her efforts to help. Even if it doesn't look very manly, at least there's donuts in it.

Rosia is the same way with Taai, as she sees them both as one and the same.

Since Taai struggled with being the only girl in Savannaclaw and Leona rejected her as a member of the Magift Club, Rosia was more then happy to play a part in the Female Team.

Since then, Rosia is happy to see Taai more confident and will help if the situation calls for it.

With Jack, Rosia heard through the grapevine that he had a past with Vil and their friendship started when she started asking him for advice (reasons will become relevant later)

Jack has heard about her from Taai and Ruggie and even saw her helping students on occasion. Seeing her also scold trouble-making students for causing disturbances, even when they retaliated also bought his respect.

He respects her as an Upper-classman, a girl and even a disciplinarian (since he saw her from the incident earlier)

Rosia in turn is secretly in love with Jack's Fluffy tail. (It's Fuzzy! What can I say!!!??) One of her secret desires is to pet it one time, but she knows Jack wouldn't like it, so she refrains. After all, you gotta respect boundaries

Octavinelle Relations

Rosia is very well aware of the rumors surrounding the Azul and the Tweels and after seeing first-hand the experience that her fellow dorm members (such as Ace and Deuce) go through when they sign a contract, then she knows better then to fall into the same trap.

Azul sees her an a potential client (like he does with a lot of the students) and does his dangdest to get Rosia to sign a contract. Thankfully, the red-head is too smart for that.

He's kinda jealous of her Unique Magic and the effect it has on People. As such, he aspires to have that ability in order to calm agitated people into signing contracts (convincing, amirite?)

Sadly, he has to bide his time. After all, some Roses have Thorns

Jade simply respects Rosia and her choice not to sign a contract. After all, it's her loss.

He admires her ability to stay calm in difficult situations that most people would be freaking out in. He wondered at first if that was the same with all girls, but later experiences proved to be a no to his answer

Rosia in turn admires how stoic Jade can be and sometimes remarks that it's almost as if he is a butler (*cough* Sebastian *cough*).

Even though Azul has asked him to use his Unique Magic to try and get his hands on Rosia's deepest, darkest secret, he refuses. After all, he only gets one shot at using his U.M. If he were to use it on her, then it has to be something good.

With Floyd, Rosia is able to navigate his mood swings. Since her Unique Magic involves emotions, then this is right up her ally.

She is often very gentle whenever Floyd is in a good mood. Afterall, she'd be doing Azul and Jade a disservice if she upset him in any way. And besides, if Floyd is happy, then Riddle is happy (LOL)

Floyd finds some of the songs that she hums at times very cheerful and asks her to teach her some of the words, which she happily obliges to.

Helps his mood a great deal when he hums them while at work in the lounge, even if it confuses the shit out of Azul and Jade.

With Scylla, Rosia treats her like a little sister. She also makes sure to heck that Azul and the Tweels don't torture her in any way. After all, she's one of the younger students.

Rosia will also scold them if Scylla complains to her about working overtime, as she's not a huge fan of child labor laws.

Scylla likes hanging out in Heartslaybul and is already good friends with Deuce, so Rosia isn't surprised whenever she comes over.

Scarabia Relations

Rosia is generally very respectful of Students form Scarabia. She can relate to their problem-solving abilities and their knack for staying calm in hard situations.

With Kalim, the biggest ray of sunshine in this school, Rosia gets the impression that he's too pure for this world. Heck, she's surprised that he even got into NRC to begin with.

As much as she likes Kalim, she feels he's better off in RSA, since he doesn't even seem like the type of student to attend NRC. But she doesn't say anything out loud. It's partially out of worry for him and concern for Jamil.

Other then that, she is able to tolerate his extrovert nature and is able to keep up with his eager banter.

Kalim himself likes Rosia a lot and sees her like an older sister. He enjoys being around her and always listens whenever she gives him advice. Even if he forgets it half the time.

With Jamil, Rosia is able to sympathize with his position with Kalim. In her own way, she does worry and is willing to listen to him rant about his dislike of Kalim.

You would think that this makes her interacting with Kalim, hard, but it doesn't. Rosia is able to tell that these are only emotions Jamil is feeling and that's what's leading him to think about this. She fully supports his ambition to travel the world upon graduation.

Jamil won't admit it, but he appreciates Rosia worrying and always accepts her offers to take a step back to address his emotions to her.

With Shi and Amee, they see Rosia as an Obstacle. With their own ambitions on getting closer to Jamil and Kalim, they think that Rosia is trying to one-up them.

As such, they regard her with hostility and often avoid her at all chances. Mostly because she's an upper-classman and she could get them into trouble. Plus, they aren't always in the mood to hear her scold them.

With Sahara, Rosia often checks up on her, seeing as Sahara is related to Briar, who is a member of Trad. Dance club.

Even though it's for Briar, Sahara can get easily annoyed by Rosia's probing and asking. Even so, she doesn't hesitate to admit anything she is asked about, mostly because she's afraid Briar will come after her later.

Pomefiore Relations

With Pomefiore, Rosia is well-acquainted with many female students from that dorm, as some of them are in Trad. Dancing Club, or she's worked them on some of the projects Vil has asked her assistance on.

This is where Jack's advice on dealing with Vil comes in handy, as Vil and Rosia have a very love/hate relationship. Rosia isn't too keen on dealing with famous people. Mostly because popularity isn't something she's too into.

She does admire Vil's ability to act and perform, but his strict working style kinda puts her off. With him criticizing people left and right, she doesn't know how people are still confident afterwards.

Vil in turn has heard about Rosia and her calm nature. From afar, he doesn't think she's much to look at, but he has to admit she knows how to calm a room down.

When Trad. Dancing was struggling to find a place to meet, he was the one who stepped forward to offer Pomefiore's ballroom, but on one condition: That Rosia's club would assist the Movie Appreciation club when they needed extra people. After all, you can't go wrong when you hire dancers, amirite?

With Rook, Rosia is very very very wary. With some of the tales she's heard from Pomefiore girls, she's wondering what Rook's true motives are.

Even with Rook being polite with her, Rosia does her best to be polite, though she can't help but feel secretly unsettled.

Rook in turn admires Rosia for her level-headed nature. He often vocally admires her when he sees her say or do something. Vil sometimes questions whether he has a crush on her or not.

With Epel, Rosia worries about him a lot. After all, with Vil's strict nature and Rook's stalker tendencies, how has he not gone insane?

Epel does appreciate it when Rosia stands up for Vil and scolds him for all the tough things he's put him through. After all, you can't expect a country boy like Epel to know Fancy Folk talk.

Rosia doesn't stop Epel when he runs from his duties, but she doesn't help him either. In her opinion, it's out of her hands and she's not going to get involved.

With Annabelle, Rosia has worked alongside her when Trad. Dancing volunteers for Vil's Projects in his club. She's admires Annabelle's sewing skills and is open to learn so that she can fix torn clothes in Heartslaybul.

Annabelle likes Rosia as well and respects her an an upper-classman. She also secretly asks Rosia for dance lessons, as she is very clumsy when it comes to dancing and doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of her dormmates.

Unlike her younger sister, Danielle is a different case. Haughty and dismissive, Danielle often looks down on people she deems unfit to be students of NRC and Rosia just so happens to be one of those people.

Even with someone as crude as Danielle looking down on her, Rosia is still able to hold her own against her and even put her in her place a few times.

As such, Danielle dislikes her and tends to either avoid her, or talk crap about Rosia, even when she can't come up with any truthful dirt to spread on her.

Ignihyde Relations

Rosia doesn't talk much to any of the Ignihyde students, as they are normally shut away in their dorm and dislike any social interaction. While she can understand their case of social anxiety, she does worry about their health and mental well-being.

Rosia hardly interacts with Idia, but when she does, she makes it a point to ask how he's doing. Since Idia hardly makes any public appearances, even at dorm meetings, Rosia often finds herself playing messenger, delivering important papers that Riddle would like to give Idia if he didn't have a case of Anthropophobia (which he might have. I dunno???)

Idia himself sees her as a "Normie" as he often calls many other students. He wants to get annoyed at the fact that Rosia is even trying to interact with him, but with her Unique magic on sometimes, he just can't.

All he can do is resign himself to the fact that if you're not there in person, then a messenger is gonna come. So for now, he just puts up with Rosia's efforts and carries on with life.

Ortho is the only Ignihyde student that Rosia is close with. She adores him and is very sisterly to him whenever they cross paths.

Rosia can sympathize with Ortho's frustration over Idia and his refusal to leave his room. All she can do is explain that some people just don't like social interaction and that it's hard for them to deal with it.

Unlike what she does with other students, Rosia doesn't confront Idia, because she knows that it won't do any good. To her, it works on some people, but not on others. All she can do is just be polite and carry on.

With Clotho, Rosia worries greatly for her. Since Clotho came from an abusive household, Rosia understands all too well the troubles of strict parenting.

She's glad Laechesis is around to correct Clotho on behavioral issues, but will jump in and help if the Fate of the Past isn't around to help out.

Laechesis isn't around at School much, so Rosia has barely seen her, much less interacted with her. But the one or two times they have, Rosia is pleasantly surprised to see that she's not as introverted as her dorm members.

Laechesis in turn appreciates Rosia's help on Clotho and her issues, even if she doesn't show it.

With Atropes, Rosia knows her as Briar's younger sister. Not only that, but she pities the Fate of the Future because of all that she went through in the span of 2 years in NRC.

From getting your hair turned into some weird fiery form to getting both your legs melted off, it's a wonder that Atropes is still sane. If you can even call it that.

Rosia finds herself puzzled at Atropes' trolling nature. From Rickrolling the Academy to sending weird memes to random students, she doesn't understand it.

Atropes herself likes to keep Rosia guessing. After all, what fun is it if it's not trolling?

Diasomnia Relations

Like Ignihyde, Rosia hasn't seen much of Diasomnia, even of it's leader. But she's still respectful towards them, as she knows they are a feared dorm.

When Rosia first met Malleus, she could easily tell that with his Fae Heritage and reputation, he's one of the more famous students. As such, she's polite to him at every chance meeting.

She's not scared or put off by him, but she still gives him his space, as she can tell that he's often off in his own world, something she's learned not to disturb.

But when he's up to talk, she's happy to lend an ear. Even if it's him talking about gargoyles and his Gao Gao Dragon-kun. She thinks it's sweet that he's learning what it's like to live a high-school student.

Malleus in turn is also polite and very appreciative that Rosia doesn't fear him. He enjoys her company and thinks of her as a good friend.

Rosia has heard from Trey about Lilia and his strange tendencies. She's also heard... questionable rumors about his cooking from Briar.

From the few times they've met, Rosia is taken aback by Lilia's insistence that he is way older then her, despite his young appearance. But Fae are Fae, what do you expect?

Lilia himself finds himself intrigued by Rosia and her willingness to help and understand others. He's met a lot of people in his life, some of them like her, but everyone is different, and Rosia is no exception.

He will often talk his old man Shakespearian speech, something that Rosia finds herself amused by.

Rosia is often worried about Silver and his Narcolepsy. On the off-chance she sees him dozing off, she's quick to wake him up.

The red-head sometimes is surprised by seeing the little critters that gather around Silver and as such, she finds it adorable.

Silver, though he doesn't know Rosia very well, still respects her as an upper-classman. After all, Lilia taught him to respect his seniors.

Rosia knows Briar very well, as she's a member of her club, Trad. Dancing. As a result, the two of them are good mutual friends, despite the class and age difference.

Rosia is also amazed by Briar's ability to Irish dance, especially at a high speed.

Briar respects Rosia and often learns a lot from her as an upperclassman. She often comes to Rosia with problems that she needs advice on (some of which Lilia gives terrible advice on, no offense old man).

Sebek, as loud as he is, can often startle Rosia by his boisterous attitude. Since Rosia doesn't like yelling in general, she does her best to avoid the crocodile-man.

Even asking him to be quiet is a lot for her to handle and she just steers clear of him.

Sebek himself sometimes feels insulted that Rosia doesn't like interacting with him, but doesn't complain about it directly to her. Mostly out of respect for his seniors.

On the off-hand he complains to Briar or Silver, he's either met with silence (Silver fell asleep) or Briar scolding him and telling him to maybe shut up once in his life.

Staff

Since they're all teachers, Rosia respects them all to a T. However, some of the attitudes from some teachers are off-putting and try as hard as she might to be polite, she can't help but mentally die on the inside from some cases.

As much as she respects Crowley, Rosia can't help but feel irritated at his seldom unwillingness to act like a headmaster. She won't talk crap about him, but she won't exactly say good things either.

Rosia dislikes Vargas in general, partially because he doesn't exactly treat the girls as equally as the boys and also because she's horrified that he eats raw eggs (I mean, you're gonna get Salmonella, dude!)

Rosia likes and respects Crewel and wonders at times how he manages to stay sane in the midst of all the general disorder and chaos. Even in Alchemy, she wonders how he hasn't died from insanity yet.

Rosia is friendly with Sam and the two of them can find a lot to chat about. From the weather to whatever weird goods he's selling, the two of them have a great time just chatting it out.

Rosia has seen Trien in action and she's not exactly on board with his stern nature. Just seeing him drone on in class and unintentionally put students to sleep, along with harsh punishments, Rosia can understand why Annabelle wants little to do with her father. She also regards him as a grumpy cat woman (LOL)

Well, that's all for now! Next up is Taai Onheil so be on the lookout for that! Hope you liked my general headcanons on interactions, so with that, I'll see you in the next post!

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mr-entj · 5 years ago

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You've mentioned how you easily cut people out of your life a few times now. You are so certain of yourself and your choices whereas, after cutting many people out of my life as well, I have to ask. People make mistakes and can hurt you sometimes, but if everyone is flawed, how do you know which ones to cut out without leaving yourself alone in a lonely way? I ask because my own choices have been feeling muddled for a while when I used to be confident and with no second thought.

Related answers:

I have problems figuring out when I'm using black and white thinking ("this person is a waste of my time, cut contact immediately") and committing myself to stand my ground. i always feel like I'm being too stubborn and unreasonable. how would you face that?

What is your internal checklist for friends?

How do you deal with friends who project their personal weaknesses into your relationship? Are you willing to forgive jealousy, insecurity disguised as competition etc?

To ensure we didn’t misunderstand each other, I want to clarify that “easily cut people out of my life” doesn’t mean I cut them out for minor mistakes, it means that once they make major violations the process of removing them is swift and drama-free. I’m not cutting people out of my life because they like strawberry milk instead of chocolate milk, they don’t read my blog, or they think cats are better than dogs-- I’m cutting them out for severe breaches in my core values (infidelity, disloyalty, malicious sabotage, etc.). I’m not into public, emotional and dramatic shouting matches, scream fests, and social media meltdowns. When the time comes to cut, I explain to the person exactly what they did wrong so there’s no confusion or doubt, why I’m taking this specific action, and (depending on the person) I’ll wish them well before I move on with my life. There’s no perfect formula that if A happens, then you should react with B because anything involving relationships, friendships, and other human beings is an art and not a science.

The reason I’m confident in my decisions is rooted in how I manage the friendships in my life:

1. I have clearly defined and communicated boundaries. I’m aware of what is and isn’t acceptable to me, I’ve identified my values, and I’ve set my limits. When someone crosses my boundaries, I figure out why they did so and then I look at the entire relationship as a whole to understand patterns of behavior before I take action. Sometimes the issue is that our boundaries and standards are unrealistic, other times the issue is that our boundaries and standards are realistic but everyone around us can’t meet them. Figure out which is your issue. If it’s the first one, talk to many people and get their feedback to calibrate your expectations. If it’s the second one, change your environment. This is how I figure out the difference.

2. I set realistic expectations based on the person I’m dealing with. There’s a quote: “If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.” The same thing applies to people.

For example, I have a friend named Kevin. Kevin is a nice guy with a good heart and a brilliant mind for sociology, psychology, anthropology, pop culture, and technology. Whenever we catch up, we talk for hours about all sorts of social science topics and bounce ideas off each other. In my friendship with Kevin, I get rewarding intellectual stimulation and great insight on some of my startup ideas. However, Kevin is hopelessly unreliable and flaky, he can’t manage money to save his life, and he has long bouts of unemployment due to laziness and inaction. Based on what I know about Kevin, he’s a great conversation partner and trusted friend, but he would be a disaster roommate or colleague at work. I adjusted my expectations of Kevin based on his personality without compromising my boundaries and we’ve been good friends for over 20 years without many issues. I don’t expect everyone to be great at everything for me, I expect them to be exactly who they are and great at their own strengths.

3. I’m very selective when it comes to choosing close friends which means I don’t need to cut many people out because I don’t let many people in to begin with. I don’t want to be friends with everyone I meet and I’m not too concerned about being liked by everyone who meets me, being acquaintances is just fine, or even less than that. I’d rather keep my door tightly shut and let people into my home one by one only after meeting stringent (but realistic) standards than to swing my door wide open, let everyone off the street into my home, and then have to kick a bunch of people out.

4. My trust takes a long time and a lot of effort to earn. Becoming friends with me is like playing an RPG video game with multiple levels. As time goes by and we cross new milestones, our friendship levels up and you unlock new perks and new buffs from me. You don’t get all the perks and all the buffs at the beginning of the game. The more I get to know you, the more I interact with you, the more you prove to me that you can be trusted, then the more you get from me such as my time, my loyalty, my knowledge, my connections, etc. The opposite is also true: the more you screw up, the more levels you lose, and the more perks and buffs are taken away. There are many steps before someone is cut out of my life so when it finally happens it’s never a surprise and always after warnings have been given.

5. I love myself. I believe that I deserve happiness and peace of mind in my life without having to compromise my deeply held values or core identity. I will keep searching for the right people to surround myself with until I find them. There’s no such thing as loneliness because I don’t believe you own people forever-- you experience them temporarily in the time you have together. When you’ve outgrown the relationship and it no longer brings happiness, I know it’s time to move on.

#friends #friendship #friendships #relationships #relationship #family #parents #boundaries #trust #faq

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thedreadvampy · 5 years ago

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(just to clear it up, tho ik this is dumb but, the pan thing wasn’t intended to be provocatory, i just recently saw other things and lots of,, panphobia happening within the mechs fanbase and am trying to gauge how safe myself and any of my friends who are pan are within that fanbase, both online and in person. that’s all! im sorry for any weirdness or stress, I should’ve thought that through, things get weird online, not an excuse just— sorry)

I appreciate the apology/clarification. Hopefully this whole conversation has helped you make a decision about whether this is a space you feel safe. HOWEVER (and I know you know this which is why you've got back in touch) it would have been useful to have some context for that in the ask, and even with that context

I. Hm. I'm not sure how to put this without coming across as a bit of a dick? To me it feels like a lot to be, uhhh, value tested? effectively at random (I literally haven't been part of a single conversation about pan/bi IDs in the Mechs fandom that I can recall prior to this) in order to assess whether I met the standards you, somebody I do not know and may or may not have interacted with, have set (and I don't know what those standards are! there are, as I said, people from all over the Discourse Spectrum who would consider any given answer to that question hurtful/offensive!)

so while I appreciate that your intentions are good and self-protective and I am not trying to have a go at you, it's a bit chunk of emotional work to dump an extremely live, open-ended question on someone randomly (especially in an online climate where, as you say, people can be real weird and intense about stuff and giving the Wrong Answer to the wrong person can open you up to a lot of harassment). It invites a lot of anxiety (oh no have I said something to hurt someone? why has this been sent to me personally? what DO I think about this? what are the consequences if I have an answer you don't like, or an answer you might agree with but I phrase it poorly and dig myself in deeper? what effect will answering this ask have on other people following me - will they be hurt by what I say? if I don't answer will that be seen as evidence that I Can't Be Trusted?) and like...ok I DO have CPTSD and anxiety so I'm probably overthinking a bit more than you might reasonably have expected, but I do think it's a lot to put on someone to drag them into Discourse they aren't already involved in.

Also like this specific situation you're describing feels......hm...very impersonal? Like, I'm entirely willing to get drawn into Discourse about something I've Actually Done. like I didn't have FUN when I sparked White Jon Discourse but I don't resent it - it was a meaningful reaction to something I had said and not really thought about, and there was something for me to change in that. If I'd made a post that had made you think I might have an active issue with pan people, that would be one thing, but to ask me to pass a purity test because OTHER PEOPLE SOMEWHERE ELSE did something hurtful? That's not...about me? That's, not to put too fine a point on it, Not My Problem. This is where I'm concerned I come across as a dick, but honestly to me there's a really big gulf between "something I saw on your blog worried me so can you clarify your position" and "somebody somewhere is bigoted so I'm going to need you to prove you're not." Especially coming from an anonymous source with no context (and I do understand why you anonymised it! If you're worried about feeling safe then I totally get the need to do this in a way that doesn't come back to you!) there's a real responsibility gap - I am responsible for answering to you, a stranger, because of a situation I haven't (to my knowledge) been involved in? There's nothing for me to do, change, learn or gain in there, it's entirely about you testing me for reasons that have very little to do with me, and idk that sits really poorly with me. I would prefer that it had been about something careless I said that was harmful, because at least then I would have been able to do something about it. I WANT to be questioned and called up on things I assert or stuff I do. But I am NOT responsible for others' actions or opinions. I am sorry that you feel unsafe in the Mechs fandom, that's awful. But the reality is that I don't have any responsibility for your experience of The Mechs Fandom - I have responsibility for my own actions and opinions and nothing else, and if there's something in my actions or opinions, however small, pinging alarm bells then yeah, talk to me about it, ask me about it. But if it's a concern you have about the environment we're both moving through (I really don't engage much with fandom beyond what's on here) then like...we can talk about it but it's YOUR concern. I don't have any obligation to answer for it because it's not mine? Does that make sense? I don't mean to imply that you feeling safe isn't important, because it definitely is - it's just that when deciding who specifically is someone you feel safe around, the onus is on you. You're the person who knows what's harmful to you, you're the person who is being affected - asking for support, information or behaviour change is fine, but you're not entitled to demand that everyone around you actively accommodates you. When you come to somebody to change or to help support you, that's totally fair IF IT'S ABOUT THEM. If you messaged me and said "some of what you've been posting seems to tap into X ideas and there's been a lot of people in Mechs fandom throwing those ideas around lately, what's the deal there" then that would be fair enough and a lot less overwhelming than turning up in a random inbox to yell "QUICK WHAT'S YOUR STANCE ON PANSEXUALITY", you know? I still wouldn't be obligated to respond but I could reasonably be expected to connect it to things that are My Problem (how do I act in Mechs fandom? What opinions do my posts imply, and do I stand by that?) and make a decision about whether/how to respond. To me it's about working with vs imposing on.

Idk sorry this is a very long and emotional response, this kind of stuff taps into some emotional baggage for me via a vis taking on responsibility for the world and I'm working hard to establish boundaries in myself between My Problem and Other People's Problem, but really it's a bit dense and thinky so I'm sorry that this is a bit incoherent and comes across as a telling-off.

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funkymbtifiction · 7 years ago

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My Enneagram quest: Gut fix edition

It has taken me ages to be certain of my core and tritype, but I think I am finally here. Thought of sharing my own Enneagram journey with you folks, in the hopes that it might be hopeful to someone. I am going to do this as a three parter, so I can go through my discovery process in as much detail as possible.

(Note: Hermione's core is a 1w2. Mine is just a fix, to my core.)

As an Ne dom, I could easily imagine myself as every type save for 3, 8 and 9. I have always been a passionate, opinionated person who freely embraced self expression. Therefore, self - erasure of any sort was obviously out of the question, plus sloth has never been one of my principle vices. I have had boundary issues with people all my life, which my 8 fixed mother keeps pointing out to me. She says that I am far too lenient with people and that's why I "suffer". However my readiness to anger was something which still had me on the fence between 1 and 8.

As a child, I remember getting angry because some of my classmates were kicking a dog. I was so speechless with rage; I just sat down and started crying, while throwing rocks at them. Also, 8s seemed ballsy and that's something I couldn't relate to at all. Even so, I am not a moralizing sort. I don't get off on punishing people for breaking rules or telling them off. I possess no strong internal moral framework. I was still not sure. Besides, most 1 descriptions seemed so...dull and uptight I couldn't see myself in that at all. So I pegged myself as a weak 8 fixer (even though I doubted it as I have never been an active power seeker, or concerned myself with it as long as I had my autonomy). The real breakthrough came about when I posted on PersonalityCafe aka PerC. Someone commented that I was a 3 because the presentation seemed so perfect. The words if I remember correctly were "It seems crafted, and so polished". Right down to the punctuation. So formal for even a casual post on a typology forum. After much argument, I accepted it somewhat reluctantly because of my own misconceptions regarding the types. Intuitively though, I knew that it just didn't fit right. The Misidentification between 1 and 3 article on The Enneagram Institute website was spot on. It explained all the 3-ish elements of my writing style. It helped me understand the key difference between 1 and 3, in that 3 wanted it to merely look perfect while 1 had to BE perfect in order to meet high internal standards. I remembered my work self and that was definitely very much in line with 1. I thought about how my junior told me I used to be short with her about her sloppy performance when I was angry/stressed. Throughout the earlier years, I was an over achieving, perfection seeking child/person. At my job, I was fairly good at handling details (though it stressed me out awfully because of inferior Si) every now and then. I have thrown out many pieces of writing because they seemed like cold painted corpses. Perfect, beautiful and absolutely lacking in warmth. Going to therapy helped me cement the 1 fix as well.

When I was issued the psychometric assessments, I was worried about getting it wrong. Worried about the answers, WHEN THERE WERE NO WRONG ANSWERS! I asked for an extra sheet to clarify my answers, to a freaking MCQ. I didn't want the therapists to get it wrong either. I told my therapist that I discontinued the previous one because he was incompetent and useless. She asked me if I was holding her up to a certain standard as well. I'd to admit that every word and expression was being scanned internally for signs of disinterest, lack of authenticity, competence etc. Repeatedly, the therapist wrote down *Perfectionist* and *Control* in my worksheets. Finally, when she said "It is okay to not know everything. It is okay to be wrong" it is like something within me just snapped and I looked away, to hide my tears.

Something that Richard Rohr said in one of his videos particularly hit home with me. He mentioned that Ones tend to get pissed off when someone gets something they didn't work for or deserve. He said Ones are obsessed with the idea of establishing a meritocracy. Here we were, two people from different generations and cultures. Yet... I felt like he was speaking directly to my soul. It brought to mind all the times I'd bitched about nepotism and strongly advocated in favour of establishing a meritocracy.

As for figuring out the wing to my 1 fix, it was easier. There is a heat found in an angry 1w2 which is lacking in a 1w9. 1w9 tend to be more silently critical, cool and judgmental. They don't tend to forgive easily or get involved nearly as much as a 1w2. 1w2s actively place themselves in a mentoring role. They are warm, and willing to engage with people. They see the potential in people and encourage them. My writing style tends towards warmth and engaging with the reader as opposed to the cool, precise and impersonal style adopted by the 1w9. There is a mild streak of activism in me, better explained by the 1w2 rather than 1w9. However since it is my last fix, it doesn't translate into action a lot. I prefer to fix things by critiquing existing systems, reworking it to the point of serving personal effectiveness rather than actively throwing myself into any kind of activism.

Knowing one's enneagram types is never a fun process. It can be long and tedium filled. But when you come face to face with the truth, it will be worth it. For it will knock you over. Like a gut punch, you are left doubled over and breathing hard. But you can get up, and see yourself for who you are. The good bits, and the nasty bits. Accepting and integrating the two will finally lead to growth.

- ENTP Mod./ Enneagram Mod.

#enneagram #enneagram 1 #enneagram 1w2 #enneagram 1w9 #mod post #entp mod

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divas-k · 7 years ago

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Dress to Oppress – Walls and Overalls

Today, we unravel the threads of time and tradition, and weave a new norm.

The dilemma of deciding what to wear is universal. But in an age where gender and sex are spectrums rather than definite lines, we must re-examine the stereotypes (‘tom-boy’, ‘slutty’, ‘sanskari’) we have woven with respect to the clothing choices of those around us. Furthermore, questions like “Who wears the pants in your relationship?” only deepen the scars of prejudice, and misguided notions of masculinity and/or power. Such erroneous judgments continue in assigning gender and/or sex to colours. While in the early 20th century, the trade publication Earnshaw’s Infants’ Department, mentioned that “pink, being a more decided and stronger colour, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl.”, by the 1940s, the tide had turned altogether. However, regardless of this timeline, an earnest plea to the reader would be to leave the rainbow alone.

Then, there are those who advocate ideals of equality and freedom of choice, and admonish men wearing dresses (read Jaden Smith at prom), all in the same breath. Say, if a woman wore a tuxedo to her wedding, one would witness all dainty facades of acceptance and support flying off the shelves. Admittedly, open-mindedness is easier in theory than in practice, and hypocrisy a smoother path to traverse than honesty. The question is- are you willing to take the road less travelled?

Further, dear reader, recall the stunning, overexposed shots of testosterone-fueled, muscled men, armed with spears and shields, skin slick with sweat, clad in plumed helmets and fustanellas (a traditional Greek skirt) in Zack Snyder’s dramatic fictionalized retelling of the Battle of Thermopylae within the Persian Wars. Fixated as you may be on the seeming juxtaposition in the above description, of brave men wearing skirts, I shall clarify, that I speak of the box office success, ‘300’.

Moreover, consider the Scottish, who, in donning the kilt, were concerned with convenience and comfort for their male warriors and employed several practical uses of the garment- apart from shielding one’s body from nature and clothing one’s frame. The kilt could serve as a camping blanket, and was worn over a full-sleeved garment stopping below the waist (léine); loose-fitting, it enabled the wearer to make distant, long marches with agility and to wade through rivers. The upper half could be worn as a cloak over the shoulder, or brought up over the head for protection against the weather. Now, as queer (in more ways than one) as it may seem for some, to witness warriors donning an article of clothing reserved for the ‘weaker’ sex, when you come to think of it, it may be wiser and more comfortable for males to don skirts and females to wear pants, for obvious anatomical reasons.

Having said that, one should be free to clothe themselves as they see fit, regardless of the anatomy of their body. This free will is embodied in Megan Fox’s parenting style, whereby she abstains from enforcing stereotypical dress-codes for her children; in conversation with Jimmy Kimmel, she mentioned how her son, Noah, likes to wear dresses sometimes. Parents all over the world should take notes from the Transformers star, who said, “…there are no rules- you can be whatever you want to be in my house!” Moreover, skirts have made their way into men’s fashion through celebrities; Jared Leto, David Beckham, David Bowie, Jaden Smith, Kanye West and Vin Diesel have all worn skirts proudly.

Why, though, must we view these developments as achievements to be proud of, rather than commonplace occurrences that are treated with normalcy? I suppose we have, indeed, come full circle- where once, Luisa Capetillo and Katherine Hepburn went against the tide and donned trousers, the garment of revolt (the former went to jail for the supposed ‘crime’, though charges were dropped later), the dawn of the twenty first century brings with it the campaign for men to freely wear ‘feminine’ clothes. This is baffling, juxtaposed with the fact that cultures across the world started out with simple, flowy, dress-like garments meant for both the sexes - from the Roman toga, to the Indian lungi, and the Japanese kimono (to name but a few) - which were differentiated and altered into gender-specific clothes. Having said that, the response to the present hue and cry for gender-neutral clothing has not been met satisfactorily; despite the promise of equality, the unisex garment has essentially been of a ‘masculine’ style. Needless to say, we have miles to go in this area.

But clothes aren’t where it all ends; cosmetics form an integral component of fashion trends and the way one wears them (or doesn’t, depending on one’s preferences) reflects a person’s projection of themselves as much as their clothes do. Men have found their footing in the cosmetics industry, debunking the myth that makeup can’t be ‘macho’. This comes amid a larger investigation into traditional gender boundaries in fashion and beauty, alongside the growth of internet-famous beauty fanatics who have built followings via social media. Take, for instance CoverGirl’s latest face, James Charles, 17, a high school senior from Bethlehem, N.Y., with nearly 650,000 followers on Instagram and over 90,000 subscribers on his YouTube channel. Following suit, Maybelline unveiled their first ever male model, Manny Gutierrez, the 25-year-old “beauty boy”, with a whopping 3 million followers on Instagram and 2.1 million YouTube subscribers.

And then there is the eventful history of high-heels. From Medieval Persia to Carrie Bradshaw, the elevated shoe has come a long way. Initially donned by Persian noblemen as riding shoes, the heel enabled a steadier stance so that the rider could shoot his arrow more effectively while standing up in the stirrups. European royals took notice when Persian monarch, Shah Abbas went to tour European courts around the 1500s. And so the Persian style shoes were adopted by the aristocracy who felt it lent their demeanor a masculine edge, until it was eventually taken over by women.

Cut to the present, where more men are adopting the style originally meant for them, dispelling invisible boundaries and gender norms. In 2014, Yanis Marshall auditioned for the talent show Britain’s Got Talent; the part French, part British dancer combined his passion for dance and his undying love for high heels, and along with his two friends Arnaud and Mehdi, won the hearts of everyone who was watching. Sure-footed (in 6-inch heels, no less) and sassy as can be, the trio stunned the crowd and received nothing but adoration and respect from the judges, with their up-beat and bold moves on numbers by the Spice Girls and Beyoncé, among others. When asked why he dances in high heels, Yanis replied with the same answer he has always uttered, i.e.- “Why not?”

And truly, that is a question we must all ask ourselves. Why can’t men wear high heels? Why must make-up be withheld from the masculine? Why should women worry about being looked down upon for wearing a tuxedo instead of a dress? Can the walls we see around us be crossed and broken? More importantly, who built them to begin with? In part, we all are culprits, and these walls stand testament to our crime. Every naysayer has placed a brick and a dollop of mortar. It seemed a small contribution at the time- but then, no individual water drop holds itself responsible for the flood.

And while, as a general rule, things are easier to break than build- these walls are standing exceptions. We must all resolve to make a small indent, to chisel away yet another bit of prejudice, and to bury away our notions, in order to break the walls that separate us from each other, and ourselves. For, there are those amongst us who do not identify as either male or female- everything is not, after all, simply black or white. But this human tendency, an obsession almost, to put things into neat, tiny little boxes, has imprisoned some of our own; the breaking of these walls may be the first step for some of us to see ourselves in the clear light of day and do justice to who we truly are.

After all, walls are only so good as long as they protect and support us. But when they begin separating us from reality, and each other, it’s time to start considering cutting a few doors into them. And even if we don’t find the courage to cross those doors immediately, at least we’d have let in a bit of light from the other side.

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edrecoveryprobs · 8 years ago

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Etiquette and Consent in Emotional Exchanges

When we’re emotional, we want to connect with people. And it’s usually taken for granted that the other person is physically available to talk, then they are emotionally available as well, because as a culture we tend to assume that emotional labor has no cost.

However, human nature is to care. And that means investing in others’ emotions. When my friend tells me he’s sad, I feel a fraction of that sadness with him. I want to help him feel less sad a) because he’s my friend, but also b) because I don’t want to take on more sadness in my life if I can help it.

For normal sadness, this is fine; it’s occasional, it’s usually not on a huge scale, and usually the friend is more than willing to accept responsibility for their feelings and physical well-being. In other words, when people are mentally healthy, they tend to reflexively do a lot of the emotional work. Some examples of the emotional work being done here:

identifying the problem

validating emotions

identifying solutions

challenging distorted thoughts/perceptions

empowering / encouraging the person to take the steps they need to take

ensuring immediate and long-term mental stability

ensuring immediate and long-term physical stability

taking turns holding space

For those with chronic emotional issues, there needs to be a different approach; it is unfair to expect someone in crisis to do the same amount of emotional work as someone who’s not. However, it’s ALSO unfair to expect others to take on a bunch of labor just because you’re not up to doing it yourself. What’s more, this difficulty gets used as a justification for isolating and letting an emotional issue fester.

But there is hope!

The best way I’ve found around this issue, as someone who does experience recurring emotional crises, is to think of emotional exchanges as requiring consent the same way sexual exchanges do.

Hopefully, you all know by now about sexual consent. Some highlights:

Get consent before proceeding or escalating the encounter, and whenever your partner seems uncomfortable or hesitant

Ensure that everyone involved is enthusiastic and comfortable at all times

When consent is not given, you must stop immediately. When consent is given hesitantly, you should stop and clarify what their actual boundaries are.

There is also etiquette, such as:

Make the encounter reciprocal

Be clear about what you’re interested in

Go out of your way to empower your partner to tell you their boundaries as well as their desires for the encounter

This can be difficult, especially since we don’t generally see others modeling how to practice this. So I’m here to write down some of the scripts I use that tend to be helpful.

BEFORE THE CONVERSATION

It’s best to make sure your relationships are healthy to begin with. This means practicing reciprocation by asking how they’re doing, and not only messaging them when you’re in a crisis. A good way to start is by sending “thank you” messages to those who have helped you when you are in a grateful or upbeat mood.

It’s also important to figure out a) what you need in terms of peer support, b) who you feel comfortable asking for what things, based on both your comfort and their abilities. For example, i have a relative who is excellent at researching things and deciphering legalese/bureaucracies, but sucks at validating my feelings. I also have friends who are very validating and empowering, but tend to be really flaky when it comes to in-person meetups. I really recommend making a community map BEFORE a crisis and updating it regularly as your relationships evolve.

BEGINNING OF CONVERSATION

Asking for consent is the first thing. The elements of that are:

identify why you’re asking in as neutral terms as possible.

identifying what you’re asking for from them, specifically. Do you want advice? Do you want to vent without interruption? Do you want to complain and be validated without advice?

establishing that they do not have a responsibility to help you by identifying other ways you’ll help yourself. If they say “no,” identify the specific next POSITIVE step you’ll take to help yourself.

Be ready to accept if they say “no”, and be grateful for what they DID do.

If they say “no”: Did they answer promptly? Did they offer to talk later? They are willing but they just can’t right now? Validate their choice/reasoning, and thank them for being respectful and concerned.

Putting that together, here are some handy scripts for the initial messages:

“Hey, I’m feeling overwhelmed. Would you mind talking me through it? It’s okay if not, I have other strategies I can use!”

“Hey I am in a really bad place, I’m trying to be safe I could just use someone to talk to. Are you available right now?

“Thanks for taking the time to talk with me, I really appreciate it <3 I’m not really looking for advice, though, just looking to vent. Is that cool?”

“Okay, thanks for letting me know, I’ll reach out to someone else. Good luck with [that thing they have to do instead]!”

DURING THE CONVERSATION

During the conversation is more an issue of etiquette. You can’t quite make it reciprocal while you’re still asking your conversational partner to hold space for your feelings. But you CAN do some forms of emotional work:

Show specific appreciation for their efforts to help you.

Anticipate and warn them before discussing things they might find triggering

Challenge your own distorted thoughts, and try not to let it devolve into an argument.

Try to identify thoughts versus feelings. E.g. “i feel worthless” instead of “i am worthless”. When in doubt, reframe it as a feeling.

If they seem fatigued or like they’re out of ideas for how to help, or just not responding as quickly as you want them to, ask if they’re still okay with talking / listening / etc. If they say they’re actually tired or busy now, thank them for what they have done to help you, just like initially.

Sample scripts:

“Thanks. I know I'm not actually the worst, it’s just hard to believe it sometimes.”

“Ugh, I know you’re right, I just don’t want to accept that right now.”

AFTER THE CONVERSATION

Thank them again for their help. If you are up for it, ask how things are going for them. If you need a break after a huge emotional offload, ask how things are going but clarify that you are going to go self-care and you’ll read their messages later. If you do need to leave them hanging, make extra care to ask how they’re doing later -- again, reciprocity is important!

Scripts:

“Thank you so much for listening, I’m lucky to have a friend like you. Speaking of, how have you been?”

“Ugh thanks, I needed that. Also do you want to talk tomorrow morning? I’m really tired tonight but I want to know how you’re doing!”

#mental health #etiquette #what to say #social scripts #friends #edrp originals

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aion-rsa · 4 years ago

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Why the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Was Cancelled

https://ift.tt/3oMuZz5

If you’ve been keeping an eye on video game social media over the last few days, you’ve probably spotted this video of a YouTuber playing a remaster of GoldenEye 007.

While many people were quick to call this remaster “fake” or merely a fan-made tribute, recent evidence strongly suggests that this is the remains of an official attempt to remaster GoldenEye 007. Naturally, that information has left many people wondering why such an incredible remaster of such a beloved game never saw the light of day despite the fact that it appears to be nearly finished.

The answer to that question is complicated, controversial, and heartbreaking for legions of GoldenEye 007 fans who have been waiting for the chance to play one of the best multiplayer experiences ever released on a Nintendo console. Ultimately, though, it’s a story you have to hear.

What is the GoldenEye 007 Remaster?

The GoldenEye 007 remaster is an updated version of the 1997 N64 classic. It appears to be the same game content-wise (aside from a few additional multiplayer maps and a couple of relatively minor features), but it has been updated to feature 60 FPS gameplay, a 16:9 ratio, and various visual improvements. It’s been said that the remaster was designed similarly to the Halo remasters, which is to say that a team essentially just swapped out a few parts of the original ROM. Like those Halo games, the Goldeneye 007 remaster even offers the ability to swap between the old and new visuals on the fly.

The reason we know so much about this remaster (and the reason it’s been in the news lately) is that a YouTuber called Graslu00 uploaded a full playthrough of the seemingly lost project. While footage of the remaster had been uploaded online before (more on that in a bit), this was the first time that most people outside of Rare had seen it played from start to finish.

The extent of that footage (as well as the quality of the remaster itself) inspired many fans to ask new questions about this canceled remaster that many people long suspected had been abandoned before it could be completed.

When Was the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Developed?

Before we go further, now is the time to clarify that some of the answers to these questions are based on loose information and more than a little speculation.

With that out of the way, the public conversation about this remaster really heated up in 2008 when EGM’s rumor mill turned out a brief mention of a GoldenEye remaster that had seemingly been canceled by Rare. A 2008 article from 1UP elaborates on this story by suggesting that the game was just a couple of months away from being released on XBLA for Xbox 360 before the plug was pulled. Uncovered files suggest that work on the remaster began as early as 2007.

However, there are a couple of details in that story that don’t gel with what we know now. For instance, the 1UP article notes that the “XBLA version would have featured the same graphics, maps, and weapons from the N64 version” and that the big selling point would have been the “crucial addition of online multiplayer over Xbox Live.” That doesn’t seem to describe the footage of the remaster that we’ve seen years later.

So far as that goes, there are two things to consider. The first is that some of the information available in 2008 was simply incorrect. This really seems like the most likely factor given how much information on this subject was known at that time.

It should also be noted that the remaster itself has been improved in some ways by modern emulators. While I won’t name drop some of the emulators and uploaders involved with this process, it’s clear that some of the visual fidelity that we see in these uploads wouldn’t have existed in 2008.

Still, the bulk of the remaster footage certainly seems to be based on the game that Rare quietly worked on sometime around 2007 and ultimately had to abandon just a few months before it could have been released.

Games

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By Rob Leane

Why Was the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Cancelled?

Unlike some of the details regarding the GoldenEye 007 remaster’s development, we actually know quite a bit about why it never got released simply due to the fact that Rare has talked about it a lot over the years.

For instance, in a 2008 interview with Videogamer.com, Rare engineer Nick Burton clearly stated that the game’s cancellation ultimately came down to licensing:

“I kind of wished that the differences got sorted out, but obviously there’s the licensing issue for Bond, even if it’s something that’s already come out,” said Burton. “It’s incredibly hard to solve because there are so many license holders involved. You’ve got the guys that own the license to the gaming rights now, the guys that have the license to Bond as an IP, and there are umpteen licensees. Me, just personally, I thought, ‘God, that’s a difficult problem to solve.'”

Over the years, the narrative regarding those licensing problems boiled down to the idea that Nintendo and Microsoft (who owned Rare by the time this remaster was in development) simply couldn’t agree on a deal that allowed either to re-release GoldenEye. This story is seemingly supported by a 2006 MTV interview with Reggie Fils-Aime in which the former Nintendo of America president stated that he’d “love to see [GoldenEye 007] on virtual console” but that “there are a lot of issues there.”

That quote reinforces the idea that between Rare being a Microsoft owned company, Nintendo publishing the original GoldenEye 007, and EA and Activision controlling the gaming rights to the Bond franchise in later years, there were just too many moving pieces that had to come together for the remaster or a re-release to ever happen.

What’s interesting is that many people seem to think that the reason Rare couldn’t release the GoldenEye 007 remaster on XBLA or as part of the Rare Replay collection is simply that Nintendo ultimately failed to give the port their blessing. That idea makes some sense as it would seem that Microsoft and Nintendo would be the two major players involved in a deal over that specific Bond game. On top of that, a remake of GoldenEye 007 that was published by Activision was released exclusively on Nintendo Wii in 2010. That remake reinforced the suggestion that Nintendo ultimately blocked the Goldeneye 007 remaster from being released.

cnx.cmd.push(function() { cnx({ playerId: "106e33c0-3911-473c-b599-b1426db57530", }).render("0270c398a82f44f49c23c16122516796"); });

Is Nintendo Really to Blame for the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Never Being Released?

While Nintendo does seem to be a factor in this story, leaker Graslu00 shut down the idea that this is all Nintendo’s fault in an extensive message that they recently reposted on Twitter.

I've updated the pinned comment on my longplay video regarding "Nintendo and the cancellation of XBLA". I'd appreciate it if you gave it a read before saying that Nintendo is the main issue and I misunderstood or simplified the problem, I did not. Thank you. pic.twitter.com/79wPyHEU8r

— Graslu00 (@Graslu00) January 31, 2021

If you can’t read that message, it basically says that even if Nintendo and Microsoft had struck a deal, they’d still have to deal with MGM and Eon Productions who had their own concerns about James Bond video games. Those concerns may have required Rare to alter the original GoldenEye in ways that would have almost certainly hurt the game in the minds of many fans. The idea of a remaster of GoldenEye with “no cheats, no use of Bond theme, and no good vs good characters in multiplayer” certainly doesn’t sound appealing.

While there is some debate regarding the exact content restrictions placed on Bond games, this isn’t the first time we’ve heard of such restrictions. In a 2020 interview with GamesIndustry.biz, Adam Foshko (Activision’s director of story development when they controlled the Bond gaming rights) explains that making Bond games requires adhering to certain ideas of the character.

“Bond is unique because the IP holders have a very particular view on Bond as a character and how he should be used,” said Foshko. “Having worked with them, it’s more about: ‘How does Bond get out of a situation?’ rather than: ‘Can Bond shoot a guy in the face?’ It comes down to the goals and things that are unique and special about Bond in particular — even though people would like to play Bond in a situation.”

Restrictions aside, the other factor that doesn’t get referenced all that much is Rare’s interest in such a project. In a 2015 interview with Polygon, Rare operations director Drew Quakenbush noted that one of the reasons GoldenEye wasn’t included in the Rare Replay collection is that the studio chose to focus on “characters and worlds that Rare made independently” when selecting the games for that collection. He says that the issue “wasn’t necessarily licensing” and that “GoldenEye doesn’t really fit tightly in with that particular boundary that we put on there.”

Even if licensing is more of an issue than Rare was willing to suggest, this idea that Rare wants to somewhat distance themselves from GoldenEye certainly isn’t new. In that 2008 interview with VideoGamer.com, Nick Burton is asked “Does GoldenEye almost haunt the studio?” Here is his response:

“No, not at all. I wouldn’t say indifference. It’s nice to see people still talk about it. But I also think, and a lot of us think this, that you look back at it and it’s still good fun to play, but if I played it now with my gaming tastes as refined as they are now, would I still have the same reaction or have I really got rose-tinted spectacles on? It’s almost impossible to separate one from the other. I still look at it and think, no, it’s got great level design for instance, but then you think I’m saying that because maybe the control feels really good, but it’s not perfect. But it’s not perfect because the frame rate wasn’t high enough. It’s very difficult to separate your memory. As someone coined at work the other week. ‘You need some brain bleach’ so you can get rid of the memory.”

From everything I’ve seen, the issue basically comes down to a combination of licensing problems, content restrictions, and willingness. The long and short of it is that many people see GoldenEye 007 as a time capsule that has proven to be especially difficult to dig up and preserve.

Can You Play the GoldenEye 007 Remaster?

Recently, outlets and players have revealed that a full, working version of the GoldenEye 007 remaster has been leaked online and is currently playable.

While the process of downloading and playing the game is complicated and almost certainly wouldn’t be approved by anyone with controlling interest in this game’s license, it’s already clear that the game files are rapidly spreading online and is generally well-received by fans so far despite its obvious rough edges.

It should also be noted that those interested in playing a more modern version of GoldenEye should absolutely check out the GoldenEye: Source fan project which remakes the N64 game using Valve’s Source engine. It’s a brilliant experiment that almost perfectly captures nearly everything that made GoldenEye 007 special while updating the game in ways that even this remaster necessarily does not.

The post Why the GoldenEye 007 Remaster Was Cancelled appeared first on Den of Geek.

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#aion-rsa #Den of Geek

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peaceful-politics · 6 years ago

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The “Pro-Life” Party Does Not Have a Monopoly on Morality- Especially the Pro-Life Party of Trump

By: Kaylee Williams

7/20/2019

Donald Trump has secured a voting base among evangelical Christians, in spite of the fact that he is antithetical to basic Christian values such as humility and compassion. This, I presume, is a result of his manipulation of the pro-life movement to galvanize socially conservative Christians. People across the political spectrum share sadness and reservation concerning a difficult issue that many Trump Republicans claim a monopoly on morality for. The fact remains, however, that illegality does not bar behaviors from occurring, and victims of abuse must reserve the right to make peace with their creator however they see fit, not be coerced into taking desperate measures as a result of government mandates. This holds especially true when considering that abortion bans will disproportionately affect poor women who don't have the financial means, backdoor channels, and legal representation of women the likes of....let me think....Stormy Daniels?

I find it difficult to contain my exasperation with a man who I believe to be so utterly God-less using a sensitive and complex issue for political utility. Let’s be honest about the hypocrisy of Donald Trump, once outspokenly pro-choice, all of a sudden championing the unborn. I implore you to ask yourself: who would be more likely to encourage their sexual partner to have an abortion- Barrack Obama or Donald Trump? Trump is two years younger than his (third) wife’s father, leaving me to question if Mr. Trump courted Melania for her impressive conversational ability or for less holy desires. Trump has been with numerous porn stars, has children with multiple women (all of whom he is alleged to have cheated on), and is on tape bragging about grabbing women by their genitals. Now I personally don’t care about any of this; frankly, if he were a champion of universal healthcare, putting an end to the private prison system, and abolishing the Electoral College, I would likely vote for him in spite of his personal indiscretions. I simply cannot, however, fathom the cognitive dissonance required of Christian conservatives to hail Trump as the chosen one - someone fit to represent Jesus’s teachings and mobilize his agenda. Conservative Christians the likes of Pat Robertson have sanctioned a hitman. Trump is not David; he is Goliath, and he’s been contracted by wealthy televangelists who have more in common with the Pharisees Jesus opposed than Christ himself. Obama has been married to only one woman with whom he shares both of his children. There is no indication that he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and excluding those which Fox News or Trump himself engineered, has not been linked to any major scandal. I ask again: who would be more likely to encourage their sexual partner to have an abortion? Yet who between the men publicly denounces a women’s right to choose? Who between the men has sought to address the systemic reasons for abortion, such as limited access to contraception?

One can be personally (not politically) pro-life, as I surmise Obama was, yet grasp that the architects of these newly introduced abortion bans (most of them Trump’s allies) are hypocrites. Republicans are often, after all, accused of Christian hypocrisy. They are criticized for their support of Trump’s immigration policies, for example, which encourage the blatant mistreatment of illegal aliens who, according to one doctor, are living in “torture facilities” (Marshall, Metz, Zac, 2019). Trump Republicans respond with assertions that their indifference is a result of their desire for sovereignty, rule of law, and economic stability. When pressed on why they habitually scapegoat welfare recipients and the poor to distract attention from corporate exploitation, they respond arguing that handouts dissuade hard work and promote complacent reliance on government at the expense of working people. When confronted with rates of uninsured Americans or the monetization of human health, Republicans persistently vilify universal health care, a feature of virtually all other developed nations, as “socialized medicine” and attempt to repeal the Affordable Care Act.

Trump’s cohort of socially conservative Republicans present the following counterargument: how can you accuse us of lacking morality when you allow for the slaughter of the unborn, or in more common vernacular, infanticide?

Excuse this public service announcement, but infanticide is not legal and those who claim that it is are modern-day propaganda ministers who hardly have the interests of women or children in mind; rather they are leveraging people’s sense of morality for political gain. Yes, the Reproductive Health Act passed in New York did permit late term abortion….in cases where the life of the mother is threatened OR fetal abnormalities would ultimately end the unborn child’s life within days of birth; the fetus would have to be deemed “non-viable”. Any baby who is in fact born alive is not euthanized, but rather given post-natal care immediately. If infanticide is happening in this country, it has not been sanctioned by law and certainly is not supported by Democrats. I encourage anyone who doubts me to read Senator Liz Krueger’s responses to frequently asked questions regarding the RHA. (https://www.nysenate.gov/newsroom/articles/2019/liz-krueger/faqs-about-reproductive-health-act).

Furthermore, some-though not all- pro-life Republicans manipulate the issue of abortion to appear as though they are of higher moral standing. Democrats, through their reckless liberality and moral relativism masked as progressivism, are willing to slaughter the most vulnerable population among us. Leftist organizations, they charge, disseminate propaganda allowing women to believe that their choice is somehow morally permissible and establishments providing abortion, namely Planned Parenthood, are masking their nefarious agenda behind female reproductive rights. What about the rights of unborn girls they plea, or boys whose gender is no fault of their own?

To many political civilians (those not in public office or in elite roles) this appears to be the ultimate Trump card of argumentation, an atomic bomb of infallible reason dropped on liberals everywhere, causing those too stubborn to change their minds to desperately crawl into their safe spaces and mourn their defeat.

I will not pretend as though these emotionally charged arguments are of no import to me. I was raised by a religious family, attended catholic school until grade eight, and went to church weekly. At age twelve I wrote a scathing essay in defense of the pro-life movement, though in hindsight I find it rather peculiar that a class of mostly pre-pubescent kids would be prompted to not only contemplate such an issue, but have their opinions of it mechanically engineered. I am outnumbered in my family by Republicans, and while my grandmother has democratic leanings, her devotion to Catholicism and belief in protecting the unborn often preclude her from voting for liberal candidates she would otherwise support. Given my upbringing, the institutions within which I have been socialized, and my privately held feelings about having an abortion personally, one would expect me to be an ardent pro-choice advocate and a constituent of a reliable voting bloc, yet I am neither. To clarify, I personally oppose abortion, I wouldn’t encourage a loved one to have one (though I wouldn’t love them any less), and I earnestly desire for abortion to become a vestige of the past. How then does my moral compass, my decision making apparatus, permit me to hold such passionate, unwavering pro-choice sentiments?

I believe there are many ways a person can be effectively pro-life, but I remain unconvinced that legislatively interfering with a women’s right to choose is realistic or morally sound. People can call it moral relativism, but I don’t see how pragmatism and compassion should be-or can be- mutually exclusive, and I am equally unconvinced that a victim of rape or abuse should receive their reproductive directives from a legislature comprised disproportionately of white men (i.e. Alabama), the historical ruling class of America. I’m not advocating for “reverse discrimination” –if that even exists- but the optics here are hard to ignore. I don’t have a crystal ball that allows me to discern men in Alabama’s true motives, but to me the abortion bans sweeping the country reek of government intrusion, a diminishment of boundaries between church and state, and white male supremacy (I’ll elaborate on this later for all my conservative naysayers).

Like others, I remain politically pro-choice largely because I do not believe that anti-choice legislation will exponentially diminish rates of abortion. In the United States today, approximately one in four pregnancies will end in abortion according to the Guttmacher Institute (2019). While I’m sure this may dishearten even some pro-choice advocates, it is important to consider the nature and prevalence of abortion before Roe V. Wade, the 1973 Supreme Court decision that legalized the procedure nationwide. While scholars can’t offer precise figures on abortion rates prior to 1973, given the fact that the procedure was not only illegal but often considered socially undesirable to admit, it is estimated that 20% to 25% of pregnancies ended in abortion before Roe V. Wade, as cited in a 2019 NPR interview with Karissa Haugeberg, assistant professor of history at Tulane University. According to the editors of History.com (2019), in the 1950s and 60s alone “the estimated number of illegal abortions in the United States ranged from 200,000 to 1.2 million per year, according to the Guttmacher Institute.”

So what were these illegal abortions like? Karissa Haugeberg explains that about 200 woman died “officially” each year from methods of “self-inflicted induction”. In other words, women physically injured themselves or consumed dangerous chemicals in attempts to end their pregnancies and in doing so inadvertently killed themselves. Other woman turned to the undercover market, seeking out doctors who risked their livelihood and even personal imprisonment. Today in countries where abortion remains illegal, such as Chile and El Salvador, Michelle Oberman (2018) writes that “abortifacient drugs have become so readily available…. that it has become impossible to enforce abortion bans”- which leads to me to my next point.

An additional reason that I remain a reliable pro-choice voter is my belief that eliminating abortion would likely create prosecutorial loopholes which allow for poor and minorities to be disproportionately affected, as Oberman (2018) explains is the case in countries where it remains outlawed. Just weeks ago an Alabama woman, Marshae Jones, lost her unborn child as a result of being shot in the stomach. She was later indicted on charges of manslaughter for allegedly provoking her shooter, who received no charges at all (Brice-Saddler, Horton, 2019). Many perceived this to be indicative of what a post Roe V. Wade America might entail for women of lower socioeconomic standing. Unlike the poor, women of means will always have access to abortion. Sometimes, they will even receive encouragement from “pro-life” congressmen themselves. It is not my desire to smear any given member of congress, but a simple Google search will reveal the hypocrisy to which I refer

Equally concerning is the possibility that strict abortion laws could lead to patriarchal norms being reintroduced. Would rape victims now be forced to prove abuse? Would they face a statute of limitations for reporting rape? Would states even qualify rape as a legitimate reason for getting an abortion following the lead of Alabama, a state where rapists have paternal rights (Wax-Thibodeaux, 2019)? Would women whose lives are in danger be denied medical help because of zealotry permeating the medical system? Would miscarriages be investigated? Would desperate women who pursue an illegal abortion die or be imprisoned for resorting to back ally-procedures? Would the states currently proposing these abortion bans, states with some of the highest rates of both infant and maternal mortality, namely among women of color (Panetta, 2019), revamp their healthcare standards?

As a quick interlude, I certainly don’t mean to imply that men are solely to blame here. Many woman contribute to systems of patriarchy, often under a religious pretense or because their rung on the social ladder isn’t necessarily worth risking. Heck, over half of white women voted for Donald Trump in 2016 (Ruiz, 2018). Conversely, there are numerous men who, excluding circumstances in which they are personally responsible for a pregnancy, mind their business, who are supportive of prospective mothers, and who themselves would make better caretakers than their female counterparts. It was ultimately a female governor, Kay Ivey of Alabama, who signed a bill for which twenty-two male senators voted against exemptions for rape or incest. My primary grievance, moreover, is not with men. My main concern is government involvement (government actors being both men and women) in what should be a private matter.

Finally, one must wonder if the states denying abortions will offer affordable birth control and comprehensive sexual education, or if they’ll maintain antiquated philosophies surrounding sexuality thus causing teen pregnancies to rise and/or medically unsafe abortions to skyrocket? This may sound like a false dichotomy between prudence and pragmatism, but it should be noted that Abbey Johnson, creator of the documentary “Unplanned”, opposes birth control methods which do not consist of “natural family planning” (as cited in her 2018 interview with Mary Rose Somarriba).

Trump himself attempted to: “restrict the ability of some women to get birth control at no charge because their employers object on religious or moral grounds” (Goldstein, 2019). As Pam Belluck (2018) explains in her article titled “Science Does Not Support Claims That Contraceptives Are ‘Abortion-Inducing’”, there is not credible evidence of abortifacient effects from contraception upon which spiritual groups should be asserting their religious liberty at the expense of others’. Furthermore, the sexual revolution has long passed and the vast majority of adults will have pre-marital sex, as will adolescents regardless of their state legislature’s willingness to educate them or their parent’s willingness to guide them appropriately (on using condoms to prevent against STDS, healthy relationships, methods of contraception, etc.). It is imperative that those who wish to end abortion on both sides of the political spectrum approach sexuality through the lenses of modernity.

If pro-lifers sought to convince me against abortion (as sensible people define it) they succeeded, but I’ve also lived a privileged life and I refuse to thrust my personal views on the world at large. That is dangerous, ineffective, and belittling of women whose burden I have never carried and whose pain I have never known. Like many of the voters Trump secures through his professed stance on abortion, I’d truly love to see its end. However, I do not believe that barring safe and legal access to the procedure is an appropriate way to get there. It’s not practical and it’s not compassionate (as I see it). How about we destigmatize sex between consenting adults/adolescents, offer first rate sexual education nationwide, make medical advancements so no woman would ever again face a health crises related to pregnancy, offer birth control 100% affordable and accessible to all people post-pubescent, and make advancements in science so as to ensure that this birth control is not 99% but 100% effective in order that every young woman might reach her full economic potential? Making abortion illegal won’t make it cease to exist outright; it will only cease to exist as a medically safe procedure that can be discussed openly without fear of legal prosecution. People of good faith mustn’t be swayed at the hands of God-less man using their religiosity for political expedience.

It is my sincere hope that well-meaning Christians follow the example of Jimmy Carter. One of our most outspokenly devout presidents, Carter sold his peanut farm after winning the presidency so as not to risk perceptions of impropriety. He can be traced to no major scandal and has always responded to criticism with tact and decency. He remains a proponent of internal church reform, namely the ordainment of women as priests, yet as president staunchly supported the separation of church and state. He has never invoked what many people insidiously refer to as “religious liberty” to discriminate against gay people, even stating: “Jesus would approve of gay marriage. Carter elaborated: “I think Jesus would encourage any love affair if it was honest and sincere and was not damaging to anyone else and I don’t see that gay marriage damages anyone else” (as cited by Birnbaum, 2018).

As it pertains to abortion, Jimmy Carter’s stance reveals not only his deep intelligence (as evidenced by his capability to discern nuance) but his steady moral barometer. He does not conceal his personal reservations in an effort to conform to party expectations, but rather differentiates what his spiritual predilections are concerning abortion from what he believes the government’s role is in legislating reproduction. He plainly states: “I have a hard time believing that Jesus would approve abortions unless it was because of rape or incest or if the mother’s life was in danger. So I’ve had that struggle….. but my oath of office was to obey the Constitution and the laws of this country as interpreted as the Supreme Court, so I went along with that” (as cited by Birnbaum, 2018). Carter, while vocal about his apprehension to condone abortion during his presidency, rejected the creation of a constitutional amendment which would ban it. Instead, he sought to minimize the prevalence of abortion as much as possible. Carter stated during his third presidential debate with Gerald Ford: “I think abortion is wrong. I don't think the Government ought to do anything to encourage abortion, but I don't favor a constitutional amendment on the subject. But short of a constitutional amendment, and within the confines of a Supreme Court ruling, I will do everything I can to minimize the need for abortions with better sex education, family planning, with better adoptive procedures. I personally don't believe that the Federal Government ought to finance abortions, but I draw the line and don't support a constitutional amendment. I honor the right of people to seek a constitutional amendment on abortion, but I won't actively work for its passage” (as cited on ontheissues.org)

Moreover, Jimmy Carter does not seek to make people feel warm and fuzzy as a way of gaining political constituents. He does not conflate the issue of abortion with women’s rights alone (although that is certainly one dimension of the debate) and is himself an ardent feminist who has used his position of power to enhance the rights of women both domestically and abroad. He expresses personal reservation, as is his right, but demonstrates respect for rule of law and when given the opportunity refused to support a constitutional ban on abortions, instead working vigorously to minimize the perceived need of women to seek them out. Jimmy Carter is a real disciple of Christ, not an imposter who claims to revere him for political support.

I’d like to conclude by sharing a Facebook post I recently came across. A now adult woman reminisces on the abortion she had as a teenager, and the painful circumstances which led her to terminate her pregnancy. I implore all self-proclaimed Christians to read the post, which I attached below, but to first consider this. During his life, Jesus showed mercy to prostitutes, thieves, and murderers (even his very own); he did not condone or encourage recidivism but empathized with people in desperate circumstances and forgave those who demonstrated humility before God. Christ loved the down-trodden and wayward souls of society. He encouraged his disciples to provide aid for the poor, to welcome foreigners, and to tend to the sick. Furthermore, I ask my fellow followers of Christ to ask themselves this. Would Jesus, who shared with us the beautiful parable of the Good Samaritan, condone Donald Trump’s treatment of Ilhan Omar? Would Jesus permit the mistreatment of migrants at the border? As I see it, how we are treating these immigrants is disgraceful, antithetical to Christ's teachings, and cannot be displaced through making flaccid arguments about sovereignty, safety, and economics. A policy of family separating does not enhance national security. Demonizing people fleeing desperate circumstances on the world stage is not pragmatic or economically advantageous. Making it virtually impossible to claim asylum status and reducing aid to countries from which these migrants are originating is not shrewd, but rather completely counterintuitive to U.S interests.

Who is better at emulating Jesus’s teachings? The publicly pro-life Donald Trump and his ardent supporters on the religious right the likes Franklin Graham? Graham, a prominent Christian evangelist, responded to Jimmy Carter’s acceptance of gay people by stating: “He is absolutely wrong when he said Jesus would approve of gay marriage. Jesus didn't come to promote sin, He came to save us from sin” (as cited by Warren, 2018). Graham even described the Equality Act as catastrophic (Badash, 2019).

Equality!?! Protection from discrimination on the basis of what one does with their own body or who their sleep with in the privacy of their own home! Yikes! Say it isn’t so, Franklin!

....or could it be that pro-choice politicians the likes of Barrack Obama are actually better representatives of Christ than the hypocrites on the religious right? I, for one, do not fear for Barrack Obama, or Jimmy Carter, or even Tara Dove (whose post is provided below) on Judgement Day. Donald Trump, a man of immense privilege who leverages his power over the vulnerable…well, I am not so confident.

This picture was taken a month or two after my abortion. I was 16 and in an incredibly abusive marriage. You see that wrap on my hand? My wrist was sprained because he threw me out of our bed and onto the floor, to "sleep like the dog you are." When I had my abortion, I still had braces on.

When we found out I was pregnant, no one was happy and I felt like dying. There was no question. The pregnancy would be terminated. His parents paid.

We had to cross state lines and he was speeding (he got pulled over and you can bet I was punished for that). At the clinic, he got angry because he wasn't allowed in the back with me. I was punished for that too.

Because I terminated my pregnancy, I was able to leave him and cut all ties later. I was able to get a restraining order. I was able to move, go to college, have a career, and start a family on my own time. Because I terminated my pregnancy, no child was raised with an abusive father.

Also, as I found out with my planned pregnancy some ten years later, I have a clotting disorder that, without medical intervention, has a high chance of killing any child I carry (I've miscarried twice and my daughter's placenta was clotting at 39 weeks) and throwing a clot in me (I've had one DVT already). This would not have been known when I was 16.

Having an abortion saved my life, in more ways than one. I have not and will never regret it.

#YouKnowMe #IAmNotAshamed #1in4

Works Cited

Abortion. (2019, July 01). Retrieved from https://www.guttmacher.org/united-states/abortion

Badash, D. (2019, July 17). In Insane Diatribe Franklin Graham Calls Equality Act 'Catastrophic' and Warns if Passed US 'May Never Recover'. Retrieved from https://www.thenewcivilrightsmovement.com/2019/07/in-insane-diatribe-franklin-graham-calls-equality-act-catastrophic-and-warns-if-passed-us-may-never-recover/

Belluck, P. (2018, September 07). Science Does Not Support Claims That Contraceptives Are 'Abortion-Inducing'. Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/09/07/health/kavanaugh-abortion-inducing-contraceptives.html

Birnbaum, E. (2018, July 09). Jimmy Carter: 'I believe that Jesus would approve of gay marriage'. Retrieved from https://thehill.com/homenews/news/396058-jimmy-carter-i-believe-that-jesus-would-approve-of-gay-marriage

Brice-Saddler, M., & Horton, A. (2019, June 28). A pregnant woman was shot in the stomach. She was charged in the death of the fetus. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/nation/2019/06/27/pregnant-woman-was-shot-stomach-she-was-indicted-her-babys-death/?utm_term=.393e088b1a94

FAQs about the Reproductive Health Act. (2019, February 19). Retrieved from https://www.nysenate.gov/newsroom/articles/2019/liz-krueger/faqs-about-reproductive-health-act

Goldstein, A. (2019, January 14). Judge blocks Trump effort to roll back birth control mandate nationwide. Retrieved from https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/health-science/judge-blocks-trump-effort-to-roll-back-birth-control-mandate-nationwide/2019/01/14/abba97e4-181f-11e9-8813-cb9dec761e73_story.html?utm_term=.4d14463f720f

History.com Editors. (2019, March 27). Roe v. Wade. Retrieved from https://www.history.com/topics/womens-rights/roe-v-wade

Jimmy Carter on Abortion. (n.d.). Retrieved from http://www.ontheissues.org/Celeb/Jimmy_Carter_Abortion.htm

Marshall, S., Zak, L., & Metz, J. (2019, June 23). Doctor compares conditions for unaccompanied children at immigrant holding centers to 'torture facilities'. Retrieved July 19, 2019, from https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/doctor-compares-conditions-immigrant-holding-centers-torture-facilities/story?id=63879031

Oberman, M. (2018, May 31). What Happens When Abortion Is Banned? Retrieved from https://www.nytimes.com/2018/05/31/opinion/sunday/abortion-banned-latin-america.html

Panetta, G. (2019, June 01). The states passing strict abortion bans have some of the highest maternal and infant mortality rates in the country. Retrieved from https://www.businessinsider.com/states-passing-abortion-bans-have-highest-infant-mortality-rates-2019-5

Ruiz, M. (2018, November 08). Will White Women Voters Ever Be Who We Want Them to Be? Retrieved from https://www.vogue.com/article/white-women-voters-conservative-trump-gop-problem

Somarriba, M. R. (Ed.). (2019, March 18). Abby Johnson on the Benefits of Natural Family Planning. Retrieved from https://naturalwomanhood.org/abby-johnson-interview-former-planned-parenthood-director-nfp/

Warren, S. (2018, July 12). Franklin Graham: President Carter 'Absolutely Wrong' on Jesus Approving of Gay Marriage. Retrieved from https://www1.cbn.com/cbnnews/us/2018/july/franklin-graham-says-former-president-carter-is-absolutely-wrong-nbsp-on-jesus-approving-of-gay-marriage

What Abortion Was Like In The U.S. Before Roe V. Wade. (2019, May 20). Retrieved from https://www.npr.org/2019/05/20/725139713/what-abortion-was-like-in-the-u-s-before-roe-v-wade

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emmakillianfan · 8 years ago

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Illusions of Another Life Chapter 31

Previous Chapters – AO3 and FF.net

To hear his wife speak of magic, curses, and charms with the ease of one of the cooks talking of porridge in the kitchen was not something that Robin could ever fully accept and understand. He watched as she, still exuding the regal confidence that most would label as something worse, spoke with Elsa about the ingredients that still had to be gathered. Though she was clearly still addled from the past few days of having magic and then losing it again with the cuffs that she wore beneath her sleeves, he noted that her voice was laced with strength and even hints of frustration rather than softness.

“Wouldn’t it be easier if you were to go?” Elsa asked, her brow furrowed as she stared at the parchment list. “I have never been one to cook spells and whatnot. I’m more of a…”

“Yes, I’m aware of your abilities. And if children and adults didn’t still cower at the sight of the former Evil Queen, it would make sense for me to go.” Regina drew a long finger down the table where they were currently storing all the documents and texts that might help them in their quest to reach the foursome still trapped in the Endless Forest. Its infinite boundaries would be too much to conquer without magical intervention. And without sacrificing others, reaching one of the four through a dream state would be the best of bets.

“I think we have bigger concerns than who is about to do the shopping,” Grumpy said, living up to his name. The dwarfs had chosen him to represent them all in the conversations with Snow and the others. His short form not overlooked at the table, he was most concerned at the idea of surrendering their queen in a plan that was concocted by their former enemy. “Who exactly will be left in charge if Snow is unable to awaken from this curse?”

Snow’s gentle and hopeful tone was out voiced by Regina who showed disdain without filter on her face. “I’ve already told you that this is not a curse. I am simply trying to give her something to prolong and deepen her sleep so that she might enter the dream realm without worrying about waking from it. As well, I am going to give her a few herbs that will aid in her navigation through that realm to reach Charming. It’s all very safe and simple. She’ll be awake again by morning with no ill effects.”

The dwarf grumbled that he hoped that she would still have a kingdom when she woke, still not feeling all that comfortable with trusting a woman they had fought for years.

“I wouldn’t risk the kingdom,” Snow told him gently. “But it makes sense that I do this. I have been through a sleeping curse, which leaves me uniquely qualified if these books and whatnot are right. I should be able to better understand the navigation.” She twisted the emerald ring on her finger, wishing that it truly did work as her husband’s mother had claimed – leading to her true love. But it seemed to only do that at the bloom of love not throughout it. “I am so scared for them. I must do something to bring them home.”

Regina scoffed at the teary eyed stepdaughter who had once believed her to be the answer to a prayer. “I doubt many of them are suffering. That wolf is probably appreciating her time in the forest, as is the huntsman. And the pirate might not be on the sea, but I doubt he is complaining at your daughter’s side. I imagine he would walk through fire if she only asked him.”

It was Elsa who had the good sense to get the conversation back on track, asking about the availability of items. “I have never really shopped,” she admitted. As most royals did, she had people bring things to her, tailors, designers, bakers, craftsmen, and more. “Won’t…”

“I will do the shopping,” Granny interrupted, her hands trembling a bit with age and perhaps adrenaline. “You are going to make sure that the ingredients are authentic and possess the magic that you will need to concoct this thing.”

***AAA***

Emma felt the last of her emotional strength fade and melt into a puddle of screaming tears as she ran toward the crumpled form of her father there on the forest floor. His limbs were twisted and wounds both deep and superficial marred his flesh. She sank next to him, what was left of the beauty of her gown staining with mud and muck.

Even Killian was silent as she let her green eyes rove over him with only Ruby saying anything. No one was even sure if Emma heard her godmother’s explanation as to why he was in such a state. However, the dark haired beauty knew she needed to tell her friend’s only daughter the truth.

“He thought he saw something,” Ruby stammered, reaching fruitlessly for Emma’s trembling hand. “The branch broke.” Graham pointed to it as though it might deserve punishment for its treason, eying it suspiciously. “We couldn’t get to him in time. Emma, I tried.”

“It was an accident,” Emma said softly, her fingers running over a patch of skin that remained as she remembered. “He wouldn’t have wanted…”

“He’s alive,” Red clarified. “But the injuries are severe and without a surgeon…I was thinking perhaps you could heal him. I know you did so with Hook there.”

Sheepishly Ruby stared at the spot that had been blemished with an angry red cut that Emma had healed easily. However, the Princess’s lack of confidence shown in her tear filled eyes and her head waved back and forth with growing ferocity. “I’m not strong enough. What if…What if I hurt him? It could kill him.”

“Doing nothing will kill him,” Graham said, holding his hand atop Red’s shoulder. “Princess, I know this is not normal circumstances, but if you don’t try it will surely be the last moments for your father.”

“You are special, love,” Killian added, his own hand hovering near her back. “Your powers are enough to make the bloody Dark One cower. You can do this. You can save your father.”

Lacing her fingers together and bringing her hands up toward her mouth, she looked at the bloodied and mangled form of her father before her. She could hear his voice in her head, telling her of adventures and magic from long ago. He had always spoken of Lake Nostos and other places that she imagined in her youth, places that could heal and protect, find lost people and objects. He believed in those things. He believed in her. Yes, he’d had fears of her magic, not wanting her to be different or as Hook said, special. He wanted her to have a normal life with a husband and children. When she had run away she had destroyed the connection between them

“I’ll try,” she said, dipping her head in what might have been a moment of contemplative prayer or mediation before extending her hands with palms down and fingers splayed. At first there was no visible reaction, merely a trembling that she felt from within. Graham and Red averted their eyes from hers, hoping to give her the privacy that would build confidence as if that would help. But Killian kept his blue eyes trained on her hands, encouraging her softly as the light stuttered and then shown from her fingers.

Her lashes created shadows on her damp cheeks as she moved her hands just inches over her father’s sleeping form. The glow ebbed and flowed dramatically and her body shook with the effort. Marred skin was healed and abrasions disappeared under the magic that flowed out of her.

Graham gasped at the sight, blinking to reassure himself it was not an illusion. Emma tried to concentrate on her father, but she could hear Killian’s words to spur on her continued tirade of magic, including calling her bloody brilliant and magnificent. Her hands stopped at the top of her father’s head, the magic not trickling but abruptly stuttering to a conclusion. And while he looked to be simply napping on the damp forest floor, his injuries no longer visible, his eyes remained shut to the world.

Emma teetered sideways, collapsing against the pirate with an exhaustion that seemed to overtake her. He did not flinch at the addition of her weight against him, embracing her and whispering his admiration and comfort as she sobbed uncontrollably either from fear, relief, or a mixture of the two.

***AAA***

Belle’s shoes wore the dusty remnants of another visit to the dungeon chamber that held the Dark One, something Regina and Snow immediately discerned as the woman entered the family quarters. Her expression pained as she curtsied to both women, Belle folded one hand over the other and breathed in shakily as she waited for acknowledgement.

“Whatever it is just say it,” Regina instructed, ignoring the pointed look from the reigning queen.

“I believe I can get him to help us find your family, Queen Snow,” she began, taking a single step closer to the two. “My father spoke of the Dark One’s ability to see into the future as well as into the minds of people. Perhaps this would useful?”

“We need to know where they are located not what the weather will be tomorrow,” Regina scoffed, turning her attention back to the map of the kingdom that had long been used for defensive meetings. “Unless he’s willing to provide that information, I don’t see any reason to continue visiting the imp.”

Snow’s reaction was much more subdue, one side of her mouth lifting in understanding. “It’s a nice idea, Belle, but I don’t think we or at least I can bring myself to trust him. No, it’s better to exhaust our other means.” She looked about the sitting room and its ornate furniture and fabrics. “I’m so sorry, Belle. I know that you must hope that he can…”

“I hope to be of help to you,” Belle said weakly. “I only want to help you return your family and the others.”

They took time to speak of books where the infinite forest was mentioned, finding no record detailing of anyone other than King David who had escaped its endless maze. He had help, Snow explained to the waifish woman. Rumpelstiltskin had enchanted a ring to guide him to her. She told the story as if talking of someone else, some other couple’s love. Maybe that was a help, she told herself. Maybe she could make things more bearable if she pretend it was someone else. However, the tears on her cheeks and on Belle’s told her that she failed at that. And for a moment she caught a glimmering reflection on Regina’s too. Snow wiped at her cheeks and excused herself, disappearing behind the curtained off dressing area.

“You don’t trust me, do you?” Regina asked the other woman.

“You attempted to kidnap and hold me away from Rumple and from my family. Forgive me for not trusting that you have changed your heart as well as your behavior.”

Regina sat regally on the chair, her pinched face giving no satisfaction to the biting words. “I suppose I deserve that lack of trust, but I must ask. I must ask what it is that he has done that has makes him more redeemable in your eyes. For all the evil things I have done will never be a fraction of his deeds.”

“He is cursed,” Belle said, drawing the taupe cape about her tighter. “You chose everything you did. You chose to be evil because you couldn’t get the life you wanted. There is a difference.”

“I’m not here to defend myself, but I will say that he is hardly as innocent as he would have you believe, Belle. He chose to take on that curse the same was you chose that frock you are wearing today. And he has chosen to keep those powers even after…even after it cost him his family. You can deny that all you wish, but he’s no hero.”

***AAA***

Elsa tugged at the oversized brown gloves that Granny had handed her during their walk from the stables toward town. The very process of walking and not taking a gilded carriage is foreign enough, but Granny threw a near fit at the realization that the Queen of Arendelle’s hands were without callous or scar.

“Those aren’t the hands of a kitchen maid or cook,” Granny announced, throwing her own shawl down in resigned disgust. “No one will believe us.”

Elsa looked down at her hands, wondering why she was so ashamed of their lack of character in that moment. She had replaced her normal finery with a dull tan dress that had been patched and altered a number of times. Delicate slippers were now laced boots and jewelry was removed. Even her glinting white gold hair was dulled and plaited beneath and brown and blue hood that had the singe marks of its previous owner’s penchant for standing too close to the fire in the winter.

Giving a warning look to the Queen of the northern kingdom, the older woman stopped cold and drew in a breath. “Well, those will have to do,” she said. “Remember, no formal talk. No magic. And absolutely none of this.” The woman gave her best impression of flitting about aimlessly, lifting the edge of her skirts as though traipsing along a path with nary a worry in the world.

“I know what to do, Mrs. Lucas,” Elsa said defensively, leaving out how she never flitted about that way.

“Granny. Everyone calls me Granny. If this is to work, you’re a girl working with me not my superior and certainly not a queen. You call me Granny.”

“Yes, Granny,” Elsa said, the familiar type name sounding strange. She had never known her own grandparents and never felt the affectionate name had meaning to her. It certainly wasn’t a name she expected to use on the discerning woman with narrow eyes that glared at her over spectacles. “I think I’m ready.”

Maybe if she had sounded more sure Granny would have talked about the weather or even crops as they made their way to town in a wagon that had none of the features fit for royalty. Instead Granny made her practice her posture and her words, correcting the preciseness of her enunciation and filling in with slang and naturalness that were anything but to the Queen. By the time they reached the apothecary, she was no longer worried. Frustrated? Yes, but she did not seem to notice that people ignored her as they crossed the busy street and dodged the horses and pedestrians. She did not cringe when men leered at her or the way the assistant tried to undress her with his eyes.

When she noted that the ingredients were right in line with those prescribed by Regina, Granny tossed a few coppers in the direction of the proprietor. He must have been impressed, as he wrapped their purchases carefully and even offered to have his assistant bring their cart round for them.

“That stuff,” Granny said, her hands loosely holding the reigns that the two bay horses pulled at in the direction of the palace, “it’ll put Snow to sleep.”

“Poppies have that property,” Elsa said, her fingers circling the muslin pack of different herbs and ingredients. “Whistle root is to help her navigate the dream world. And the dried leaves of the odder stem will keep her alert in that state.”

“I thought you never cast spells like that,” the older woman said accusingly, guiding the horses around the long way. Just in case anyone was watching the two mismatched shoppers, Granny hoped to send them in another direction by taking an indirect route to the palace. “You seem in tune with these ingredients.”

“My parents never encouraged magic, but they were versed in herbs and the like. Whenever my sister or I were ill as children, my father would blend up some sort of tea with herbs that had healing properties. I suppose I picked up a bit of that, as well as reading over the past few days. The former Queen Regina doesn’t dabble much in the more natural arts, but she does have a bit of that information.” Elsa blinked against the spring sun that seemed to warm the kingdom beyond its needs. While she had heard the dangers of the infinite forest, she wondered if Emma and the others could see that same sun, feel its warmth, and follow its path. Somehow she doubted it, as the images in her mind of the place they were trapped included a thick umbrella of foliage and winding trails that doubled back on themselves.

“And this concoction will be safe for Snow?” Granny pressed. “I don’t mean to subscribe to conspiracy theories like Grumpy or the rest, but trusting Regina is beyond many of us. It wouldn’t be unheard of her to try to kill our Queen with poison. And while she is cuffed again and unable to perform magic, she could…”

“Use me to do her bidding,” Elsa concluded, her defined features crumbling as she considered that. “I hope that you don’t think I would ever willingly…”

“I don’t trust easily, nor do I have the fine education that many may have had over their years. But I assure you that I do watch over Snow and her family very carefully. And I do hope that you know what you are doing, your majesty.” Granny tightened her hands on the reigns. “Now let’s get these ingredients back so we can get them back home.”

***AAA***

It was not the richest or brightest stew she had ever tasted, as the meat was quite gamey and the herbs and roots not as good of quality. Yet the taste of something that had been simmering over the fire tasted good on her tongue as he carefully spooned it into her mouth. She felt a heaviness about her that was not usual, but at least she was blinking, breathing, and speaking again.

“I’m capable of feeding myself,” she said, hazarding a glance toward where her father still lay sleeping on the floor of the forest. Red had fashioned him a bed with one of the blankets over leaves and brush that Killian had cut for just that purpose. Hardly the mattresses of the palace, but it was serviceable. Another of the blankets covered him. “Is he?”

“Sleeping,” Killian answered her, dipping the wooden spoon back into the weak broth. “His color appears good, as does his breathing. I suppose we just wait.”

“Did I…” She cleared her throat, looking at her hands and then back at her father. “Did I do any good at all?”

“You helped him, love. It was quite lovely to see that light and feel the warmth of your magic. There’s nary a scratch on him now. I simply think he is sleeping to let his body catch up to the repairs. You were brilliant, my love, simply brilliant.” He tipped the spoon toward her parted lips, smiling encouragingly as she sipped. “I’m afraid it exhausted you though. You have slept for nearly as long as your father. Red has worried about you. Though she is not yet back to check on you. She and the huntsman have gone in search for grazing areas for the horses. Should be back soon though.”

She swallowed. “And you? Did you worry about me?”

“I find myself in a constant state of wonder with you. While I cannot name it as worry, you are never far from my thoughts.” Kneeling, he rocked backwards and craned his neck back to look at the coverage of the branches that blocked out much of the sky.

“You miss it, don’t you?”

“You will have to be more specific.” He let her remove the spoon from his hand and allowed her to feed herself. She was clearly feeling stronger after the nap though her hand shook with the effort of it.

“Being at sea?” She glanced upwards. “This place is so very claustrophobic. It feels as if it is all caving in on us.” She did not lift the spoon again, letting it rest in the broth.

“Are you asking that out of concern for me or to have me declare my feelings for you are stronger than they are for my ship and crew?” The right corner of his mouth rose in a subtle smirk. “I do miss the night sky, which is substantially more beautiful on sea than on land. But I don’t miss the endless days of searching and the longing that I had developed for you. And while I don’t know that I fully recognize my life without a quest for revenge, I assure you, my love, that I have no regrets.” He looked to the bowl. “Now eat up. We can’t have you falling ill.”

She didn’t feel all that weak, though an argument could be made. So she shifted, looking skyward herself. “I’m not that hungry.”

He didn’t argue with her. Setting aside the bowl, he moved to her side, resting his arms on his bent legs. “I have been thinking…”

She wavered a bit, even in her sitting position feeling the heaviness of her body and the pull of needed rest. There was no way that he didn’t notice, pulling her toward him and pushing aside whatever thoughts he might have had to tell her. “This won’t do at all,” he said, adding a bit of mirth to his voice. “We can’t have the princess so outside herself that she might crumple and fall in the slightest breeze. Come now. You can use this old pirate as a pillow if you like.”

“You were going to say something?”

“Perhaps I was just going to tell you some tale of life on the seas, of some realm that sounds so much better than the place we find ourselves now. Or perhaps it was just some boring drabble that was meant to put you to sleep.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I can’t quite remember.”

“Because you are so old?” That made both of them chuckle.

“Aye, you will be taking on quite a task with me if we are to make our lives together, Princess. You’ll be reminding me of where I left things and massaging my aching muscles.”

“Doesn’t sound like too bad of a fate to me.”

***AAA***

The royal bedroom rarely saw so much traffic, save the royal couple and their attendants. However, it was quite full of people that late afternoon. Johanna had the three boys playing a short distance away, but all other visitors crowded into the normally cavernous room.

“You don’t have to do this,” Regina said as Elsa and Granny brewed the tea for Snow over the fire. “You are more than capable of ruling this kingdom and raising your son to do the same. No one would blame you if you were to look out for the people rather than plan some rescue mission.”

“That’s what you want,” Grumpy said in that gruff way he had, folding the blanket that was made from patches of Emma’s dresses that she had worn as a child. “Isn’t it? If she leaves the King and Emma there in that forest to die, you get to keep that boy. You keep Emma’s son.”

“Grumpy, please,” Mary Margaret said, situating herself on the bed that she usually shared with her husband. Fluffy pillows surrounded her, as did the velvety blankets that were fit for royalty. It was quite different than her days as a bandit, sleeping on branches and leaves, the ground her only comfort as she caught naps between runs and missions. “Regina is only warning me of my options. And while this may seem to some a very selfish task, I’m ready to accept that. I need to know that I am doing all I can to return those four home.”

Robin, from his spot by the door, nodded in agreement. “I dare say not a one of the kingdom’s residents would argue with you. The dwarves and I will join with the guards to watch over the castle while you slumber, milady. No enemy shall cross the borders.”

“Thank you, Robin,” Snow said, folding her hands in her lap. “And none of you should worry. I’m simply taking a nap. This is not a curse.”

“Of course not,” Regina spat. “Alright. Once you are under you will have a limited amount of time to contact him. If he is not there, that means he’s not asleep. And you will have to try again later if that is the case.”

Elsa carried the steaming cup over, its contents a murky green color with hints of browns and grays. “There is more than enough tea to try at least 10 more times,” she said, settling on the stool that had been placed by the bed. “I only brewed a bit of it so that you might try again if necessary.”

“Thank you, Elsa,” Snow said, taking the cup and wrapping a hand around it. “Here’s hoping I will only need that on a sleepless night beside my husband.”

She held the cup up to her lips, the floral pattern of forget-me-nots painted delicately on the porcelain cup. “I’ll see you all soon.” Her green eyes scanned the worried faces staring back at her. “Please don’t worry. It’s just a nap.”

***AAA***

Emma moved from under the protective arm of the pirate at her side and stumbled over to her father. She knew that Killian had told her that he was sleeping, unaware of the precarious situation that had befallen him, but she wanted to feel the warmth of his skin and see the color in his cheeks before she could knowingly rest. Light from the setting sun cracked through the breaks in the branches and leaves, giving an orange glow to him as she sank down to the earth.

“Papa,” she said quietly, her hand tracing over the scar on his right hand. It was the remnant of a fight he’d had as a child, a souvenir that reminded him not to lose him temper under minor provocation. He had once told her the story of it when she had let her magic flare at a jealous princess from another kingdom, scaring both her and her victim into tears. She’d sworn then that she would never lose control again, earning the story from his childhood.

He lay there unmoving, for all the world asleep. “I am so sorry, Papa. I shouldn’t have let you risk yourself like that. I should have been better at fighting the Dark One. Whatever the reason you are here like this, I’m sorry, Papa. I’m so sorry.” She lifted his slack hand up to her cheek, reveling for a moment that there was still warmth in it. “I’m going to fix this. I am.”

She knew there was a little daylight left, far too little to set out on a journey on her own. But the attempts at healing him earlier had shown her that with the proper concentration her magic could work even in the suffocating foliage of these woods. It was not just the trees so tall that their tops were unseen by eyes, clouds hanging in their branches to obscure the view. It was the impenetrable mass of underbrush and the paths that wound and drove in directions that seemed correct until all twisted and ended in that same familiar finale. But there had to be a way. And if her assumption that time was running out for them was correct, she had to make her move soon. She had to save them before it was too late.

***AAA***

“Is she sleeping?” Robin asked, his bow at his side as his wife entered the hallway. “Already?”

“Poppies are quite fast acting when they are in that form. It’s quite nearly instantaneous.” Regina rested her hand on the door, her fingers smoothing the grain of the wood. “If he’s asleep at the same time…well, this could all be over soon.”

“You think that…”

“I think that I know the Queen and her husband well. She’ll find him and beg him to help us locate him. He will be unable, but the noble side of him will tell her to give up. Eventually she will listen.” She turned, the dark green of her dress fitting to her form as she spun. “Or perhaps true love will prevail.”

“You don’t sound convinced. Have we not seen the miracles that true love can create?

“I don’t disbelieve,” she conceded. “Robin, I’m not an optimist. That’s Snow. I’m not even…I’m practical, pragmatic, and strategic. There is nothing in me other than my ability to perform magic that speaks to happy endings and enchantments. But that is Snow. She has always had that heart inside her. And I believe that perhaps her daughter does too. That’s where Henry must get his belief in good from.”

“He must get some of that from you. You have been a loving mother to the boy for years. That stands for something.”

“Perhaps it does,” Regina said. She placed three fingers at the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. “I think I should get a bit of rest myself.”

“Of course,” Robin said, holding the bow a bit higher. “I shall watch over you as well, darling. Sleep well.”

***AAA***

Cresting the hill, Snow gasped for breath, wondering why even in her dreams it seemed that the run was tiring. Shouldn’t she be able to fly in her dreams or at least run without becoming winded. Her golden flecked green eyes scanned the horizon, seeing nothing but the darkness of the forest and its constant walls of underbrush. Even above her the pines and firs towered out of sight, their evergreen branches providing a canopy over the earth that even the sun only penetrated in small amounts.

“Charming?” she called out, darting forward again. “David?”

Snow found him in the clearing, the trees giving way a bit up a slight rise and creating a near circle free from the oppressive flora. It reminded her a bit of the spot where he had found her so many years before, her fate sealed by Regina and a poison apple. He had said that their love guided him there. She had learned not to doubt him.

“Charming,” she said, the nickname feeling more familiar in that moment than his birth name. “Charming, it’s you…”

He turned to her slowly, even in this sleep state his eyes blinking in disbelief as she flung herself up the path toward him. “Snow, you’re…you’re here.”

“It’s a dream,” she said, interrupting him as she watched him stumble to his feet. Even in the dream state he stood and looked the same, wiping his hands on the leather pants he wore on his hunting trips and journeys. “I didn’t know if you would be asleep, but I had to try.”

“I’m…I’m not sure what I am.” He held out his arm, studying it as though it was foreign to him. “I have been hurt. Emma, she tried to heal me.”

“It’s why you’re asleep,” she finished dejectedly. “I thought…I thought we were past all this. All those days of serving cross purposes and finding each other. I thought we were done with all that.” A sickish laugh split the cool air. “This is what I was so scared our life would be…one journey after another, searching and searching…”

“We always find each other,” he said just as sadly, pulling her hands together in his grip. “I don’t see that as a bad thing.”

“Isn’t it? You’re hurt and lost. There is nothing I can do. What can I do? How do I reach you so that you can come home to me?” Her head thrashed back, the dark hair whipping free of its confines. “You aren’t going to be able to even tell our daughter how to get out of there.”

“You have a plan?”

“No,” she admitted, stilling in his eyes. “I hoped you could tell me something…anything…”

“The air, my love, the air. The answer must come from the air. I was…in a tree. I was trying to find the way out by taking to the air to see the path.” He shook his head. “I cannot expect you to take flight like a bird, but if anyone could it would be you. You have always loved your birds.” Smiling fondly, he sighed. “I don’t have the answer or a plan either.”

“Maybe…” she paused, looking skyward to the canopy of green needles and clouds. “David, what about the fairies? Don’t you remember when we were battling your father and Regina? We always had them lead the way through the sky as we followed after on foot. What if we did that again? Blue and the others? They might have enough magic to combat this forest.”

“You might just have the answer, Snow.”

#cs ff #captain duckling #captain swan ff #ouat fanfiction #cs enchanted forest

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nolimitsongrace · 6 years ago

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August 27: Thou Hast Left Thy First Love

Thou Hast Left Thy First LoveAugust 27, 2019

Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love. — Revelation 2:4

On April 24, I wrote a Sparkling Gem called “Remembering Your First Love.” Today I’d like to take that Gem a step further to really develop what Jesus had to say in Revelation 2:4 when He spoke to His precious church in the city of Ephesus.

In Revelation 2:4, Jesus told the church of Ephesus, “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love.” The word “nevertheless” is a translation of the Greek word alla, which essentially means “BUT…”

Despite all the outstanding commendations Christ had just given to this church, there was one point that was not commendable. Jesus was so dismayed and disconcerted by this one serious defect that He told the Ephesian believers, “…I have somewhat against thee.”

*[If you started reading this from your email, begin reading here.]

The words “I have” are a translation of the Greek word echo, which means I have or I hold. In spite of all the remarkable features that made the Ephesian church so outstanding, there was one area where these believers had failed, and it was so bothersome to Christ that He personally held it against them. The phrase “against thee” is very personal, informing us that Christ was deeply disturbed by something He knew about this church.

Jesus then declared to the Ephesian believers, “Nevertheless I have somewhat against thee, because thou hast left thy first love” (Revelation 2:4).

The word “love” in this verse is the Greek word agape, which we have studied before. This word agape is so filled with deep emotion and meaning that it is one of the most difficult words to translate in the New Testament. The task of adequately explaining this word has baffled translators for centuries; nevertheless, an attempt will be made here to clarify the meaning of agape and then to apply it to the context of Revelation 2:4.

As I have stated before in previous Gems, agape occurs when an individual sees, recognizes, understands, and appreciates the value of an object or a person, causing him to behold this object or person in great esteem, awe, admiration, wonder, and sincere appreciation. Such great respect is awakened in the heart of the observer for the object or person he is beholding, that he is compelled to love. In fact, his love for that person or object is so strong that it is irresistible. This kind of love knows no limits or boundaries in how far, wide, high, and deep it will go to show love to its recipient. If necessary, agape love will even sacrifice itself for the sake of that object or person it so deeply cherishes. Agape is therefore the highest, finest, most noble, and most fervent form of love.

In addition, the Greek sentence structure of this verse is very different from the King James Version previously quoted. The original Greek literally states, “…because your love, the first one, you have left.” The phrase “the first one” is a clarification of what type of love Jesus was describing. This phrase comes from the Greek words ten proten, which modifies agape to mean first love or early love. Jesus used this phrase here to remind the church in Ephesus of the esteem, awe, admiration, wonder, and appreciation that was first awakened in their hearts for Him when they received Him as their Savior many years earlier.

Like young people who fall in love, the Ephesians fell hard when they first came to Christ. Their hearts were captivated with their love for Jesus. There were no limits to what they would surrender to Him, no boundaries to their obedience. They were willing to sacrifice and leave behind anything to follow Him.

Acts 19:18,19 described the Ephesian believers’ early act of public repentance, when they burned their occult fetishes and attempted to amputate every connection to the past that would hinder their new lives in Christ. The repentance of these new believers was so deeply rooted in their hearts that it produced a radical, far-reaching, profound transformation that completely altered their way of living. They were fervently in love with Jesus and completely sold out to Him — with no sorrows, regrets, or reservations.

But by the time the apostle John saw the exalted Christ on the island of Patmos, decades had passed since the Ephesian believers first repented — and in the vision, Christ issued them this stern warning: “Your love, the first one, you have left.” The phrase “you have left” is from the Greek word aphiemi, which denotes the voluntary release of something once held dear or to neglect, to ignore, or to leave something or someone behind. Although the Ephesian believers were still committed to Christ, doing everything “for his name’s sake,” they no longer had the deep passion and fervency for Him that had once consumed their hearts. Over the years, as they became more doctrinally sophisticated and astute, their simple but profound first love for Jesus had somehow dissipated and slipped away from them, even though they never stopped faithfully serving Him.

It seems that after fighting spiritual battles year after year — testing false apostles, training leaders, starting new churches, overseeing entire groups of churches, and dealing with spiritual wolves who were constantly trying to ravage their ministry base — the Ephesian congregation became so focused on protecting their church that they were no longer able to enjoy their relationship with Jesus as they had many years earlier. This was still a remarkable church, but the spiritual fervency that had characterized this body of believers in the past was now missing. It was for this reason that Jesus was so deeply disturbed. The blazing fire that once characterized the Ephesian believers had gradually waned until it became little more than a smoldering flame.

It often happens that the first generation of Christians, during a move of God, experiences dramatic salvations as that segment of the Church is born in the power of the Spirit. However, the second generation, raised in a Christian environment, often doesn’t experience the same radical deliverance their parents did. Of course, it should be the goal of all believing parents to raise their children in a godly environment; however, they can never stop working diligently to keep the fires of spiritual passion burning.

As each successive generation becomes more accustomed to a Christian environment — learning to speak the language of the church, sing the songs of the church, and act the way “church” people should act — it becomes easy for the younger generations to slip into a mindset of familiarity. Too often this can produce apathy in people’s hearts, ultimately leading them to take the redemptive work of Christ for granted. Therefore, the potential for spiritual fires to die down and become a pile of smoldering embers increases dangerously with each new generation. The only way for each local body and its members to avoid that process is to become unrelenting in their commitment to retain their spiritual passion for Christ.

There is no clearer example of this vital principle than the illustrious church of Ephesus, which was perhaps the finest congregation that existed in the First Century. Although only a few decades had passed since the birth of this church, the fervency that once gripped these believers’ hearts had waned. The spiritual fire that once blazed in their midst was gradually diminishing into a flickering flame, replaced instead by orthodoxy, creeds, and dogmas — a form of religion that lacked the power known by the earlier generation (see 2 Timothy 3:5).

If this could happen to the church of Ephesus, it must be taken as a warning for the Church in every generation. We must regularly allow the Holy Spirit to search our hearts and reveal whether or not we are still on fire for the Lord as we once were. It may be a painful revelation to realize that we have become doctrinally sophisticated yet powerless. However, if we are willing to remember from whence we have fallen and then to repent, we can be spared the tragedy of becoming irrelevant to our generation.

As I conclude today, my own heart is stirred. Oh, let each of us examine our own heart to see if we have let anything slip in our fervent pursuit of Jesus. And if we discover that we have left our first love in any way, let’s take every step necessary to fan the fire within until it blazes hot and high for Him the way it did when we first came to know Jesus Christ!

MY PRAYER FOR TODAY

Father, as I read how the church at Ephesus subtly shifted its focus from walking with You to working for You, I’m struck by the realization of how easily our attention can fasten on what we do for You instead of on You for who You are. Lord, I repent for how I’ve allowed the cares of life and my concern for other things to harden my heart and dull the fervency of my passion for You. When I compare how I am today to how I was when I first came to Jesus, I must admit that I’ve become doctrinally sophisticated yet spiritually powerless. I confess my sin of idolatry because I’ve allowed other things to become enthroned in my heart. Holy Spirit, I humbly ask You to work in me, to ignite within me a white-hot fervor for Jesus like I’ve never known. Bring me to a place where my chief desire is to know Him, to love Him, to walk with Him, to serve Him, and to please Him in the pure power of holiness.

I pray this in Jesus’ name!

MY CONFESSION FOR TODAY

I declare that I am in love with Jesus Christ. He is the center of my life. My love for Him consumes me and motivates every part of my life. I started out in the fire of God, and I will end in the fire of God. I allow the Holy Spirit to search my heart regularly to reveal my true spiritual state. I refuse to become doctrinally sophisticated yet powerless and irrelevant. I confess that I am overwhelmed with the love of Jesus. My heart is increasingly captivated by Him. Every day, every week, and every year that passes, I grow more deeply in love with Him. Soon I’ll meet Him face to face. Each morning I awaken with greater determination to live my life for that moment when I look into His loving eyes. Oh, what a day that will be — but until then, I want to be consumed with His fire!

I declare this by faith in Jesus’ name!

QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO CONSIDER

If the church of Ephesus could lose its first love, then Jesus’ message to them in Revelation 2:4 must be taken as a warning for the Church in every generation? Allow the Holy Spirit to search your heart and reveal whether or not you are still on fire for the Lord as you once were.

Have you ever had the painful realization that you had become doctrinally sophisticated yet spiritually powerless? If you are willing to remember your first love and repent, you can be spared the tragedy of becoming irrelevant to your generation.

Why don’t you take a moment to examine your heart and see if you have let anything slip? If you discover that you have left your first love in any way, take every step necessary to return to the flaming fire of passion you had in your heart when you first came to know Jesus Christ!

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