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devnny · 5 years ago

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CHAPTER FOURTEEN.

JTRM — THE “R” STANDS FOR RECOVERING!

PREVIOUSLY.

AT LONG LAST!! my hiatus is broken! i’m very happy to present ch14... after months of failed attempts to finish ;-; thank you for all the kind messages in between 🖤🖤🖤 i hope you enjoy! :]c it's time for artist things, and bad memories!

[•/•/•• :

That one guy that paid me for that BIG ASS project, apparently, really liked it, and wants to see more of my paintings. Talked about exhibiting some of my shit in one of his galleries, if he likes any of ‘em. Neat.

…

And me and Johnny… had a… moment, or whatever. Whatever.]

Johnny sat wide-legged on the floor with a large crate settled between his knees, thumbing through the different paintings standing inside the box like records. His tongue stuck out the side of his mouth while he inspected each one with intrigue – Devi’s work was always so fascinating.

“Why are you even looking through that old shit?” Devi asked from across the room, smiling slightly as she spoke.

“It isn’t shit, I think they’re… cool.” His lips stuck out in a soundless ‘ooh’ as he lifted up a small painting of a retching face. He bared his teeth at the agonizing expression like a mimicking chimp, then set it back down to sift through more artwork.

With the news that she may have another chance to exhibit her paintings in a gallery, Devi had started the tedious process of scrutinizing her available pieces to slap together a decent portfolio, which was fairly difficult, seeing as she was her own worst critic.

“Well ‘cool’ or not, that’s all over a year old. The likelihood I’d want to stick any of them in a portfolio is very slim.” Devi turned to look at him as she finished, but stopped with a sharp inhale when she saw which painting Johnny was holding now.

Johnny was fixated with the canvas in his hands, finding such familiarity with the large eyes and long, devilish smile of the demonic looking subject on it. The paint was very rough in texture, and made the whole piece look rather fleshy. He brought up a finger to poke at the lumpy marks while he thought.

“Is this… me?” Johnny asked absentmindedly. Devi felt a cold sweat prickle on the back of her neck, but waved off any shame she felt with a swat of her hand.

“Yeah.” She answered honestly. Her attention focused on the painting, and she tried as best she could to not feel the deep-seated anger and disappointment that resonated within her at the time she created it. “It was a vent art I did, some time after the whole… attempted-murder, thing.”

“Ah.” Johnny nodded in acknowledgment, his mouth settling into a slight frown. “Is this how you saw me? With all the blood and tentacles coming out of my head?”

Devi’s lips slanted uncomfortably. She leaned her weight onto one of the bigger canvases she had on hand, and sighed.

“No, not really.” Her eyes wandered away from Johnny as she thought. “I just kind of, went wild with it, I guess. Added gore and sharp lines and splatters wherever I felt like. It was supposed to represent a feeling, not really… a person. I mean, it is you, but it was more like the energy you gave off, not how you looked.”

Johnny nodded, his teeth poking out again as his smile returned.

“Neat…” He commented and turned the canvas sideways to inspect it further. Devi blinked in surprise at his response, then snorted after a minute.

“—‘Neat’!?” She asked with a laugh. “That’s what you think that is?”

“It is!” Johnny’s attention jumped to her again. “I don’t have any pictures of myself really, and definitely no paintings. It’s cool that it’s… symbolic. Not of a particularly great time in my life, or spurred on by any particularly great choices on my part, but still cool. I like seeing how your brains perceived me in such an inventive manner.”

“HAH! You are truly the weirdest guy I’ve ever known, Nny.” She chuckled, and returned to the pieces beside her. As she started to sort again, Devi paused, and began picking at the chipped paint on one of her canvases thoughtlessly.

“You know, um,” She turned her head ever-so-slightly in Johnny’s direction. “—originally, it was just a normal portrait of you. I’d started it before our uh, date, then altered it later…”

Her cheeks blushed faintly at the admission; it was so embarrassing to confess that she’d taken him as her muse before she’d ever even asked him out. Part of her still felt, with little room for argument, that Johnny didn’t need to know that, but in light of recent events, it also seemed stupid to hide things pertaining to her ‘feelings’ from him at this point.

Johnny’s head popped up, his neck and back straightened fully, as he turned to stare at her. Devi wasn’t looking at him, but he could tell by her meaningless fidgeting with the canvas in her hands that her attention was still on him. It brought a giddy smile to his face.

“Oh.” He hummed contently, returning his staring to the portrait. He wondered what it looked like before she riddled its face with globs of resentful paint. With a content sigh, he answered his thoughts; “I bet it looked nice.”

“Tch!” Devi held her laugh inside her throat. “I’m sure I gave you too much credit.”

“HAHAHA!” Johnny sneered a wider smile. His brain immediately imagined an overly-handsome depiction of himself, even though he knew Devi had better taste than that. So funny. He reviewed the portrait one more time, then set it off to the side.

“Hahh… I like it a lot.” He sighed, and laid down flat on the floor, legs still sprawled. “I like all your stuff a lot. Why are you so critical about your paintings?”

Devi cocked an eyebrow at him.

“Are you going to try and tell me you’re not critical of your own artwork, Nny?” Her words jabbed playfully in his direction, and he puffed his cheeks out in response.

“WELL…” Johnny huffed, making Devi laugh again. “Maybe the stuff I do now, but all my old paintings, all the stuff I don’t remember even making… no. But I guess it’s hard to be self-critical of something you don’t have any recollection of creating.”

He brought his one leg up high to lob over the crate in his lap as he rolled onto his side to face her. Devi greeted him with a look of pity, but with a degree of immense curiosity to it.

“Shit.” Devi thought a moment. “I don’t think I ever really saw your old stuff, actually.”

Johnny had described to her vaguely last year, and in much more depth this year, his style of painting that had long-since depleted into noncomplex stick figure comics. He explained it as being rough and gritty, with themes of decay, agony, and horror, and his subjects most often being flesh-like nonsense, or close-ups of distorted human faces. The oldest of the surviving pieces would dip into dark landscapes and actual silhouettes, but that was the extent of it.

“Man,” Devi sighed as she thought. “I’d love to see ‘em.”

The comment surprised him, and Johnny laid still on the floor as he watched her with large eyes. He rolled into a seat position after a moment, and moved his staring to the carpet.

“W… would you, really?” He asked tentatively. “A lot of them are still in okay-condition, they’re just… buried in my house...”

Devi replied with a few confused blinks, mostly in regard to Johnny’s sudden change in demeanor. After a moment of thought, she was delightfully suspicious that his timidness now was because of her absolute refusal to enter his house the day she assisted him with ‘moving out’. The concern he had for making her uncomfortable was as unfortunately endearing as ever.

“You wanna go pick some up?” Devi asked with a smile, and Johnny cricked his chin up to stare at her with redoubled surprise.

“Really?” He asked in disbelief as he scuttled to stand. “I mean, I don’t want to impose.”

Devi laughed at him and balanced the canvas she held against the wall.

“Yeah. I need a fucking break from looking at my own paintings.” She explained with a pop of her back. “Who knows, maybe you’ll inspire me.”

She shrugged the last of her sentence at him as she walked past, and Johnny pivoted to watch her leave the room. He always found her teasing to be so disarming, never knowing what to do when she threw the ball into his court. It was fun, in a way, but he was always nervous to banter back besides mock cynicism. It made his heart flutter all the same.

“If you’d like.” He called after her as he walked. “I just meant—you know, if you don’t want to go inside, and all.”

Johnny stopped in the living room when he caught sight of Devi at her bedroom door, already straightening a newly pulled on t-shirt.

“Your concern is appreciated.” She smiled at him, then reached around the door and grabbed one of her shorter jackets—it was just too balls-hot to be wearing her trench coat at this hour. Stupid summer weather.

Johnny grinned, though his smile melted into an awkward squiggle as Devi approached him with that accursed collar in hand. He’d grown accustomed to wearing it on outings, but he still loathed it. He would be happy to chop it up and burn the pieces, one day.

His malicious thoughts were short-lived, as Devi roped the accessory around his neck. She paid much less mind to not touching him these days, and the caressing of her fingers made him feel like his insides might liquify from the heat. She smirked coolly as she clicked the collar shut.

“Why don’t you drive?” She suggested, and Johnny was taken off-guard again. He hadn’t driven at all since he’d come to live here, what with Devi preferring to have control over just about everything. He raised an eyebrow, cautiously inspecting her expression, but was unable to determine if this was representative of anything.

“I don’t feel like navigating the suburbs to get to your place.” Devi provided for explanation as she moved to the front door, but Johnny remained unsure. Still, he went to fetch his keys from one of the art room drawers without prodding any further.

NOW ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN:

Devi had not been to Johnny’s neighborhood more than twice, and only once during daylight hours, yet she still managed to recognize some landmarks that signaled that they were getting close. One neighbor a few streets down had an absolutely obnoxious amount of pink flamingos in their yard, and another surely teetered the worth of their fragile masculinity on the pure number of beat-up looking muscle cars that lined their curb.

The car jerked as Johnny took a sharp turn onto a different street, and Devi sucked in a breath while she watched the addresses get closer in number to ‘777’. She stubbornly refused to let the sight of the ramshackle house bring her too much anxiety, but as they slowed beside it, and then turned up the slope of the driveway, the familiar shiver of distrust climbed up her spine. Johnny spared her a nervous glance.

“You don’t have to come inside if you don’t want’a…” He reiterated, in an effort to comfort her, but Devi only scoffed and started to exit the vehicle.

“NOPE.” She replied with a quick slam of the door. “Don’t worry about it, I’m fine.”

Johnny stepped meekly out of the driver’s side, and watched Devi glare at his ‘former’ place of residence. Guilt gnawed away at his stomach, well-aware of the traumatic memories of that evening that were still sealed away inside his house.

He’d lived with them long after their infamous date; tromping over the wooden floors that had served as her route of escape, or laying like a limp sock across the couch that would have been where they shared their first kiss. When he paused to dwell on those sorts of facts, remorse filled him each time, but certainly not to the extent that it used to. It wasn’t the soul-splitting agony that those first days had brought – it didn’t drive him into hysterics to catch sight of his bedroom mirror, nor did the thought of sitting on the right-hand side of his sofa.

But, of course, Devi hadn’t.

She didn’t muddle through that house for months, learning to accept the space beyond those fleeting, horrible memories. She hadn’t had to wander through the atmospheric fog of departed, romantic dreams, with its lingering tethers warping around her person like ghostly fingers, searching for what was lost. She didn’t find herself stepping on glass fragments even weeks afterwards, and having to force herself to accept, with tearful blinking, that there was no changing this; that this was her house, and there was no escaping what happened here.

Johnny frowned to himself, and started toward the front door, fretting all the way about what Devi’s response would be.

Devi gathered herself as she followed him up the pathway, and as Johnny fiddled with the lock, she spared a moment for a little flower that was poking out from the cracks of the cement. Symbolic, or ironic, she couldn’t decide.

The sound of the worn lock’s mechanics moving in sync with the key that Johnny jammed into it brought her attention up from the ground, and she steeled herself as he pushed the door open with a throw of his fingers. He remained on the front step with her, half-way shielding her from the innards of his home, as she peeked beyond the doorframe.

Even with her expectations low, she couldn’t help but blink her eyes wide in shock.

“Did you… throw out everything?” Devi questioned as she tried to peer past him and into the living room. The décor wasn’t particularly abundant the last time she had been there, but there was more on the wall than a weird little poster that said “I WUV YOU”, and certainly a decent amount of worn furniture. Johnny shot her a confused look, and waited a beat before allowing himself to relax into a smile.

“Oh, no.” He sniffed a laugh and took a few steps inside, loosely raising his arm to gesture to the far side of the room. “The TV n’ shit is just over here now.”

Devi poked her head past the threshold to see, and slanted her mouth uneasily at the sight of the stained sofa a few steps away. It looked even more beat up than the last time she saw it, but it was definitely still the same one. She smothered a scowl under her pursed lips, and fully passed the door’s threshold with a swing of her leg. It was just a stupid, dilapidated couch, she reminded herself—nothing to be wary of!

“My house got kinda wrecked after the wall-thing sent it careening through a tear in the dimension or, something like that.” Johnny continued. “Shit got tossed around everywhere, so I just pushed it all into one of the rooms… Pulled the couch and stuff back out after I came home a couple months ago.”

“That’s…” She cocked an eyebrow. “—I mean, at this point, sure, why not.”

Johnny snickered a little at her incredulous response, and continued further into the house, explaining in greater detail his decision making for what furniture he had rearranged and where. Devi paid little mind to his babbling as she gradually trailed his steps, taking in the house’s atmosphere with as little bias as she could. It was just as dingey as she remembered, and it did help her sore memories that it was basically gutted, aside from the worn couch and beat-up television. It barely looked like a house the way it was, instead looking more like a large shed. It definitely didn’t look like the place she remembered, and that was a very good thing.

“—I don’t spend much time in my bedroom, but I still thought it was important enough to leave it usable, so I just jammed everything in here.” Johnny finished, flinging open the door to his former ‘studio’. A few random objects fell and rolled out from the mass of clutter that loomed all the way to the top of the doorframe.

“Holy Hell.” Devi said loudly, aghast at the sight of the mounds of dusty debris and overturned furniture. There appeared to be parts of doors and chunks of ceiling plaster mixed in with the heaps of furniture and belongings, giving the entire mass the look of a true junkyard.

Johnny bend his leg up and reared it back as far as he could, before springing his heel out straight, sending most of the blockade crashing backwards inside of the room with one demanding kick. With the first heap out of the way, Devi could see more clearly that there was actually quite a bit of bare space inside. Enough floorspace to walk in, at least.

Johnny led the way, and sent a chunk of splintered wood clattering with a lazy punt of his boot. Devi watched it kick up dust as it fumbled along, then fall still near a pile of damaged Christmas decorations. The room was musty, and the only light granted inside the space was from the poorly boarded up windows that failed to stop the sun’s glow outside. She looked up to the ceiling for a light, but the only spot for one had a shattered bulb still twisted into the fixture.

“My drafting table was in here.” He mentioned offhandedly as he inspected a box.

“Ah,” Devi nodded in understanding. “so that’s why it took you so damn long to drag the thing out.”

“Well, yes, and the fact that it’s heavy as fuck.” Johnny snorted and peeled back the remains of an ironing board from its resting spot against the wall. It make a cracking sound, like bark being torn from a tree, then gave way in a small flood of junk to reveal some paintings hidden in the area behind.

“AH-HAH.” He cried in triumph, and moved proudly to the side to allow Devi the opportunity to inspect them first. Devi looked at him with an unsure expression, but decided to humor him and approach the pile as invited. As she stepped toward the stack, the twisting paint gathered her full attention, and she reached a hand out for it like a gleeful child.

She gripped the corner of the first canvas, and hoisted it up from the stack with a smooth pull of her arm. The rolling swirls of brushstrokes that greeted her brought a tantalized smile to her lips, and she had to extend the artwork out with both arms to continue her appreciation of it.

It was about three-feet in height—a fairly average sized painting—and was smeared with meticulous bends and curls of dark paint that made the two grim subjects look as though they were positively radiating in fear.

Gorgeous, she thought.

Devi gleamed, and set the painting to the side, eagerly reaching for the next one in the pile. Johnny watched her with uncertain, but very delighted, eyes. A timid smile bent his mouth as Devi reviewed his art. It was a lot different than her critiquing his current work, since these could actually be on par with what Devi herself might create. He desperately wanted her to be impressed, even though he could barely take credit as the artist anymore.

The painting Devi pulled out next was too large to properly view while holding, so she set it on the floor, tilted at an angle against a box, and stepped back a few feet to study it. Her lips parted with a curious exhale at the detailed eye in the center of the canvas, surrounded by flesh-like tethers and threads that seemed to keep it upright, like a spider’s web.

“Oh,” She breathed, and squatted down to see it more clearly in the wispy light. “I love this.”

The last of her apprehension of being inside the house flittered away as she absorbed herself in Johnny’s art, appreciating fully all of the effort put into the fine lines and details of this piece in particular. This one was definitely coming back home with her—she could already see it replacing that outdated movie poster in the living room.

Devi’s reaction surprised Johnny, and he dropped his neatly folded arms out from behind his back. He felt breathless, like he often did when Devi praised him, but to a much higher degree than usual. He watched her with a look of awe—she was completely captivated by one of his creations. One of the stupid paintings he almost loathed, simply because it was a symbol of the self he lost—because it was meaningless to him; no memory behind what drove him to paint it, or how he was feeling at the time, not even an approximate date as to when he made it.

But with the way Devi reviewed his work with such adoration… now, he felt pride. Real pride in his former abilities, and a deep, desperate desire to create something now that would make her react like this. Her expression could drive him mad; looking so brilliant and excited, with that bright smile, and eyes that shimmered just as brightly. His shoulders raised up to his ears in an attempt to quell is elation.

“Do you have more like this?” She turned her attention up to him with a grin, and Johnny held in a shiver.

“Oh—yes!” He nodded, happy to offer her more of what was currently invigorating her. “I do… but most of them are very large. Like, full-wall-size large, so they’re down in the basement… Perhaps another time?”

A nervous laugh accompanied his suggestion, and Devi nodded without argument, though a soft smile remained. She already knew what horrors he’d committed down there, and wasn’t keen on venturing down into what was formerly a demon’s torture den. Maybe next time, if there was a next time, she would have the bravura to follow him into the fucking abyss.

For now, though, she would remain satisfied with her newly excavated treasures—she could already feel her own inspiration spinning in her head in response to such fantastically morbid art. Something like these but the size of a mural? Now that she wanted to see!

They continued rooting through Johnny’s amassed garbage for a couple more hours, spearheaded by Devi’s eagerness to rescue as many paintings as she could from the bones of the decrepit prison that had stolen their creator away from them in the first place. By the time they were packing away all of the works that Devi wanted to bring back to the apartment, it was nightfall.

“Safe travels.” Devi commented with a smile to the stack of canvases tucked away in the back of Johnny’s car, then heaved the trunk lid closed.

Johnny stood off to the side nearby, surveying the night sky with a lofty smile. It had been a very long time since he stood in this driveway, watching the clouds drift over the starlit darkness in wispy smears. It was almost surreal how strangely foreign it felt now, but after the months of his nightly backdrop being the city’s lousy view, most often from Devi’s apartment windows, he had forgotten one of the few benefits to living in an unlit, ‘quiet’ suburb.

“What a lovely evening.” He hummed absentmindedly, and Devi turned to him with a questioning look, before moving her focus up above them.

“Yeah.” She breathed with a matching smile, and crossed her arms over her chest while she took in the view.

“On nights like this—when I lived alone—I’d always like to go up to the Hill.” Johnny said, eyes still trained on the glittering sky. Devi looked to him curiously again, and whether he felt her stare, or realized the significance of that spot between the two of them, he quickly turned to meet her with wide eyes. Devi snorted a short laugh, never taking her eyes off of him.

“Do you… want to go?” She asked him with dubious smile. Johnny stiffened at the question, grimacing at his carelessness.

“Oh—no, no, not at all! I’d never! That’s not what I—” He stopped, registering her tone only after he started his denials. “Um, well… I mean I would but, I’m not saying… I guess; do you want to go?”

Devi’s smile crinkled upwards more, teasingly, then she readjusted her arms while she looked off in thought.

She had already dredged through Johnny’s shitty little house of horrors, was she really prepared to delve even further into her freshly revived emotions tonight? It wasn’t like the hilltop was particularly connected to anything bad that happened that night, but it was still connected to said night, intricately-so. She drummed her fingers on her bicep as she debated.

She was very happy to be out of residence 777, but being there had brought her a little bit of peace. It wasn’t much, but a few hours’ worth of sifting through artwork was now the most time she had spent there, and it made the fading memories of Johnny’s Pillsbury-Doughboy-influenced attempt on her life a little less predominant. It wasn’t like she had any intention of spending more time there, but Devi did not like having any lingering fear for a dirty, eldritch-demon-housing shack, and the fact she could bear even a second inside with her head held high made her very proud.

So if she could handle such vicious, lingering resentment, surely she could handle a quick visit to a place coated with softer, waxy memories, accompanied by the individual that had made them so bitter.

“Sure.” Devi said finally, prompting a surprised half-smile from her companion. “The clouds are clearing, even.”

Johnny grinned fully, and took note of the brilliant moon starting to peer out from behind the thin clouds. He tried to quell his excitement as he urged Devi to the car, and quickly hopped into the driver’s side to begin the trip farther out of town.

A FEW HUNDRED FEET ABOVE THE CITY:

Johnny was already regretting his request to visit his cliffside spot.

The drive out had been as casual as all their drives were now, with idle chatter about plans for the coming days and mockery over whichever handful of bad movies they’d ingested recently. The only real difference was that it was Johnny driving tonight, and with that being the case, the music droning beneath their conversation was marginally quieter.

But, as the vehicle climbed the dirt road to the top of the hill, Johnny had become more engrossed with the details that were so comfortable and pleasant.

Things were too pleasant. The mood was too kind and light, with the crunching gravel below the car’s tires, and Devi’s tittering laughter over something dumb he’d said. It reminded him far too intimately of the atmosphere that surrounded them that night, on that damned date. How stupid, he thought as the car came to a gentle stop at the peak of the mountain’s height, that it would be such airy, nice sentiments that tore and ripped the edges of his comfort zone.

After taking a moment to walk the measly fence that skirted the edge of the cliff, he and Devi both plopped down on the end of the car’s hood. Devi sat loosely, head tilted upwards as she enjoyed the first breeze the summer season had bothered to offer her. Johnny’s posture closed in tighter the longer he watched Devi relaxing.

She was so beautiful, wonderful—the same way she was before, maybe even more so. He could hardly stand to look at her, with her skin almost iridescent under the yellowing moonlight, and her sharp, blade-like hair cutting across the stars, almost dark enough to fool the eye into thinking someone had carved two pointed shapes from the shimmering sky itself. Johnny turned his gaze to the crusty earth below, and tried to steady his mind.

“Haven’t seen a view like this in a while.” Devi murmured, eyes transfixed on the flashing of some neon signs in the downtown area. Johnny only hummed in reply.

“I was actually up in the mountains maybe… half a year ago now? But it was waaay over… there.” She pointed to an adjacent set of hills further south. Johnny lifted his head and focused on the area she was pointing to with a curious look.

“I think it was that one.” Devi said half-committally, followed by a laugh. “That was the night that plane hit my apartments—y’know, the one I told you about, with the psychic fat lady downstairs and all?”

“Ah.” He replied with a nod of comprehension. “I’m sure that was quite a sight.”

“It was. Tenna and I sat up there for like an hour before the fire finally died down. A morbidly magnificent sight—even if the burnt fat lady smell permeated all the way up here.” Devi punctuated the comment with a mean laugh, and Johnny couldn’t help but join in her cackling. Dark humor was so delightful.

As their laughter quieted, Devi set her palms flat behind her and leaned back a ways to sigh out her last chuckles. Johnny watched her with a warm smile, as captivated as always by her every move.

He loved her laugh, and being the spark that set it off always filled him with immense pride and glee. He was fortunate that her sense of humor had consistently been on the same frequency as his own, and that she was sharp enough to match, and even outrun him, in verbal banter. It made it rather fun to back-and-forth, and send each other into hysterics. They did so quite frequently at the bookstore, though if Devi wasn’t on a break, they had to muffle themselves to an extent, lest a customer complain.

A gentle push of wind across his face reminded Johnny where he was, and intertwined that knowledge with his current train of thought. His heart pulsed with sinking remorse as he remembered the events that followed their first visit to the Hill.

“I wish I’d declined.” He said suddenly, voice low.

“Huh?” Devi turned to look at him, but Johnny remained slouched forward, elbows balanced on his knees.

“When you asked me to the movies,” he clarified. “I wish I had declined.”

Devi was taken off-guard by that, but shortly scoffed, rolling back into her leaning position with a slight smile.

“Why’s that?”

Johnny finally raised his head with a look of vaguely-annoyed disbelief.

“What d’you mean ‘why’s that’?” He grunted, and Devi breathed a quick laugh at his persnickety tone. He couldn’t help but smile too, though it fell away nearly as fast as it appeared.

“Because I could have spared you… all of this.” Johnny continued. “…I’d wanted to—to say ‘no’, I mean… out of habit. But I couldn’t because I just… really wanted to go. It sounded like so much fun, I thought it would be… fun.”

He hugged himself, staring out into the darkness of the road as his thoughts led him into a myriad of ‘what if’s. Devi observed his shape with a small frown; she was very much accustomed to Johnny’s habit of allowing his emotions to swallow him up, but at this point, she felt it was pointless for him to wallow in his regrets to such a pitiful degree. Their relationship had turned pretty big, fucking corner, recently, after all.

“Was it fun?” She asked him finally, smiling like she already knew. Johnny pouted at her.

“…Well, yes.” He sighed again. “If you don’t count the attempted murder, or the immense ass-beating you gave me after.”

Devi spat out another laugh at that, and looked down to Johnny with a tired smile when he tilted his head backwards to frown about it.

“—or the fact I got you infected with lose-your-creativity-and-kill-people disease!” He snarled, and laid back fully on the car’s hood to sulk. “I just—wouldn’t that have been better? If I just said ‘no, thank you’, and we kept being friends, and maybe you had found some nice person to date that wouldn’t try to kill you?”

“And you could’ve just gone on murdering for that wall-thing forever?” Devi asked him smugly. His eyes went wide at that, and he stopped to consider the idea.

He wanted to argue that no, the creature probably would have had him die at some point—he long suspected that it was the wall-thing’s desire to regain control over it’s doughy minions that had allowed him to die in the first place—but he couldn’t know that. It was very possible that he might have gone on for his whole life, or at least long enough to allow Mr. Fuck the autonomy that he so desperately desired, and who knows how detrimental to the world that could have been.

Devi observed Johnny’s uneasy, sad expression with a shake of her head.

“Look Nny, the thing is, if there’s an eldritch fucklord that births mental parasites, that target artists and-the-like, to gorge itself on until their victim is reduced to a worthless meat-husk, I want to know about it.” She gave him nod before looking off. “I don’t have to like it, but considering that it exists and it’s happening, I’m not going wish for blissful ignorance, blabbering spittle onto my bib like a fucking infant about bullshit that doesn’t matter. And if you just learned of a plague like that, wouldn’t you want the same?”

Johnny stared at her from his spot on the hood, surprised by her response. He couldn’t believe how easily her blunt take on things still sideswiped him from time to time; he really should be used to this by now.

“Heh… yeah, I guess so.” He looked off with a hesitant smile. Devi smirked with another roll of her head.

“And as absolutely horrible as it is, my… involvement meant that you died before things really got ugly… I’m still not happy about it, but I guess if you couldn’t truly ‘die’ no matter what, it’s not so bad, especially seeing as you’re free now.” She paused. “Well, mostly free.”

“GEE, THANKS.” Johnny laughed, and Devi arched into another laugh too. The pair giggled over their horrid luck for a few minutes, before Johnny’s mind settled on an old memory.

“Hey, do you remember that joke you said, after you told me you liked me?” His smile stretched wide enough to give a mischievous squint to his eyes. “About how you’d kill me?”

Devi blinked at him, mouth drawn low, before breaking into laughter again. She redoubled into hysterics when Johnny joined her, and she held her face in her hands while he gave the metal beneath them a few slaps amidst his cackling.

“WELL, YOU DID.” He reiterated the point, and Devi gave him a shove.

“Shut UP, Nny!” She laughed, and turned away from him to try and quiet herself, with limited success.

OFF TO A NEARBY 24/7:

Johnny winced his left eye shut as he gave the straw of his Brain-Freezy one more voracious suck, hoping to gather the last of the watery remains of sugar from the air bubbles at the bottom of his cup, but only really achieved making a repeating, cacophonous sound. Devi smacked him with the back of her hand, in a wordless way of saying ‘knock that off’.

They had stopped at the first 24/7 they saw, one on a normally unventured side of town, to pick up some snacks before returning home. The large advertisement in the window featuring disgusting gas station nachos had reminded them both that they hadn’t eaten since early that afternoon, and the lure of 2-for-1 deals on just about everything was hard to pass up.

“I think you got it all.” Devi said, flicking a crumb of tortilla chip off the corner of her mouth with her thumb. Johnny pouted at her before flinging the empty cup cleanly into the nearby garbage can.

“I’m trying not to be wasteful!” He defended himself as he started the walk back to the car. The rub of material against his neck reminded him of the goddamn collar he wore, and how the leash Devi had insisted on putting on him before they entered the store was, in fact, on him. She needed to have a little more faith! Just because they were in an even shittier part of town than normal, didn’t mean he would run off on a murderous rampage at the drop of a hat!

“Oh, you’re so frugal, my wallet thanks you.” Devi replied with a sarcastic smile, matching his stride as they made their way to the side of the building, where Johnny had parked.

Just when they thought they’d escaped humanity unscathed, a quick whistle hit their ears, and both eyerolled in the direction of God, to ask him with mixed expressions ‘why’. Devi and Johnny both turned toward the source of the sound, Devi looking somewhere between bored and irritated, and Johnny glowering just past her shoulder. She was unsurprised to see the group of men chatting idly on the other side of the small parking lot gesture in her direction.

“Heyyy, that’s kinda kinky—WOAH.” One of the men called, then stopped suddenly. He pushed himself off of the side of a car and started to approach them. “—No way!”

Just as both Devi and Johnny’s fight-or-flight responses had reached their peaks, the man spoke again.

“DEVI?” He said loudly, with an obnoxious smile. Devi blanched. The man had very few features she would find memorable; patchy dyed hair, brown eyes, tall and thin—could have been any number of guys she’d hung out with before… except for the eyepatch.

“Eddie!?” Devi replied with a horrified expression, and Johnny’s irises snapped to her, shocked that she actually knew this person. Eddie’s lip perked up further on one side, and he slapped a hand over his cheek with a laugh.

“WOW, it’s been forever, huh?” He gleamed. “But I knew it was you, cause of your face.”

Devi only stared at him with vague disgust, still too shocked to fully absorb the situation. She hadn’t hardly thought about this particular idiot since high school, the recent retelling of their failed date withstanding. Johnny scowled at their uninvited guest, but did his best to hold back the volatile feelings he already had churning in his gut.

“Who’s this little guy you’re with? Your boyfriend?” Eddie asked casually, without a braincell to stop him. He set the side of his hand against his mouth, and leaned further in Johnny’s direction, as if to whisper, only to say at a completely normal volume; “Don’t count on getting too much outta her—she’s hot, but she’s a total prude.”

Johnny stared at him with incensed disbelief at the comment, as did Devi. With thin pupils, Johnny jutted forward, still crouched, to rebuke the remark.

“NEVER speak about Devi in such a repugnant way—in fact, never speak about her at ALL, you cycloptic knuckle-dragger!” He hissed. Devi could only cringe as her mouth twitched into an uncomfortable scowl.

“Hey, don’t blame me for warning you dude, it’s true!” Eddie defended himself. “I took her out, paid for everything, and she wouldn’t even kiss me. I had to be dying before she agreed to at least sit on my face.”

“I NEVER SAT ON YOUR FACE, YOU DUMBASS.” Devi snapped, face hot. “That was the AIRBAG.”

“—See! That’s even worse. My dying wish, and she’d sooner just let me die empty-handed.”

“SHUT UP!” Johnny seethed, bowing out his stance. “Shut you fucking mouth—I’ll cut your dirty GODDAMN THROAT! You don’t deserve the privilege of speaking, you boorish ogre—I’d be doing the world a damn FAVOR redirecting your vocal chords into your ear canals! Maybe then you could hear the UNBRIDLED FILTH THAT EXPECTORATES OFF YOUR TONGUE!! I—”

While he ranted, Devi stood beside him, vibrating in insult. Eddie was her first ‘real’ date, and he was horrible one at that—she would have gladly never seen his dumb ass again. In fact, she had kind of hoped he had died in different sexually-motivated car wreck in the years since she last saw him, but obviously she had no such luck. The smarmy fucker, acting like he knew her, acting like he had any comprehension of who she was, or what drove her physically. BASTARD! Ugly, horrible bastard!

Devi bared her teeth; she wanted retribution! Her body ached, with pulsating, twitching fists, to obliterate Eddie where he stood. Her mind floated away from level-headedness, her anger coaxing her ever-closer to violence, tantalizing her with the beautiful release of emotion she’d be granted with a few kicks to his head. But, as her trembling hand squeeze the handle of Johnny’s leash, her cracking logic had a quick, hateful idea. She didn’t give herself time to reconsider, she just wanted out of this situation.

With wide, angry eyes, Devi stared at Eddie, then released her hold on Johnny and retreated to the car.

Johnny felt the tether around his neck go slack, and swiveled his head around in surprise to watch Devi’s withdrawing form.

“Aren’t you going to stop me!?” He yelled to her. Devi opened the car door and turned back to him with a glare.

“Stop you from what?” She said with a biting tone, then dipped into the car with a loud SLAM! of the door.

Johnny stared at where she had just stood, dumbfounded, then moved his attention to the loose leash dangling from his neck. After a few moments of consideration, a grim smile spread across his face. He was rather certain that Devi was, quite literally, turning a cheek to this exchange—and if she was leaving it up to him, Eddie would not be leaving unscathed for those repulsive comments.

He raised his head, and his posture, with dark shadows swallowing up his grinning face. Eddie cocked an uncertain eyebrow when he heard the creak of the vehicle’s trunk, and only looked more confused when met with the sight of the tire iron that appeared from behind Johnny’s back.

Johnny stepped closer, happy that the exchange had garnered the attention of the rest of Eddie’s little group; he hoped they would intervene, they were all just as shitty in his eyes! A set of eerily slow laughs emitted from his throat, that slowly hiccupped into something maniacal, as he brought up his weapon up above his head.

“That was baaad, Devi.” Johnny sung in a teasing tone while he drove, blood still smattered on his face and hands. Devi sulked in the passenger seat, glaring at the street signs as they passed them.

“Whatever.” She grumbled. Johnny giggled in reply; he rather liked when she was feeling vindictive.

“NOT TO WORRY,” He boasted earnestly. “I didn’t kill any of them—I knew you wouldn’t like that, so I only gave them all a some blunt-force trauma, just a bit of facial bludgeoning, promise!”

Devi looked to him with a grouchy frown, but rolled her eyes away after a moment, face falling into mock-boredom.

“Thank you, Nny.” She sighed. At least someone had some self-control tonight. She could only hope that her choice to let Johnny dish out the ass whooping that her wrath had so desperately craved had no adverse effects on his self-restraint—they’d both worked too hard to ruin it over Eddie of all things.

“You are ever-so welcome, Devi.” Johnny smiled, happy to exact some vengeance in the name of his dearest friend.

“Who was that moron, anyhow?” He asked casually. Devi huffed.

“Just some dick I dated in high school.” Another eyeroll. “He was the first guy to ever ask me out—I told you how it went, didn’t I? The date was bland and meaningless, but he thought it went well. The genius tried to convince me to screw him while he was driving, and when I said ‘no’ he tried to push the point and crashed the fucking car into a tree. Dumbass.”

Devi sneered at the memory, but was quickly shaken out of her thoughts when the car took a violent turn, leaving her to yelp and grasp onto the center console for balance. She snapped her head in Johnny’s direction as he drove at an increasingly fast speed.

“Nny, what the Hell!” She shouted at him, but Johnny was too focused on the road.

“WELL YOU DIDN’T SAY THAT!” He replied aggressively. “I’M GOING TO FINISH KILLING HIM.”

“NO, NNY.” Devi yelled, drastically grabbing for him, or the wheel, or both. Johnny shrugged her away, doing what he could to use his shoulder to keep her from interfering with his burning desire to murder. “Johnny!!”

(He turned back around, don’t worry.)

NEXT...

#FINALLYYYY WEEE #chapter #jthm #devnny #jtrm #mine #im v happy.. to have this done #7.5k words!! AT LONG LAST

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astrology-with-charu · 4 years ago

Text

𝗛𝗲𝗹𝗹𝗼 𝟮𝟬𝟮𝟭 : 𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗱𝗼 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 ?

(By Zodiac Sign)

Happy New Year everyone!

2021 is beginning with two synods intermingling with each other right at the onset. Synods are the dance of external planets and their different phases show up in significant global events which shape our life over a long tenor.

Uranus the planet of sudden changes, freedom, volatility and surprises is making a hard aspect with Jupiter followed by Saturn. These two synods bring about accelerated shifts in progression of human existence usually through scientific and technical breakthroughs. Hard aspect indicates there will be huge resistance, dissonance which would be offered to these accelerated changes creating friction. Hard aspects also show division in society. We would see that play out right in Jan when stationary Mars meets Uranus on 20th Jan resulting in uninhibited action which could be extremely volatile and even violent few days before and after. We crave absolute freedom and different people would have at it in different manner. Uranus brings sudden shifts that are essential for us to live a life of authenticity to ourselves. Jupiter will expand these changes and also underpins that these events are a must for our collective expansion.

There is no planet retrograde till month end, post Uranus goes direct on 14th - speed, unexpected events, sudden need to break through - all is upon us and at a speed we haven’t experienced before. So use this brief calm before it all begins to put down your anchor - imagine if the external dynamics didn’t exist and we were listening to the noise a bit less what you and I could have achieved in 2020. Take that forward to 2021. Create your anchor before the storm, cause if you have an anchor, a definite outcome you could in someways get ahead of it - the storm around it then would just become facilitator and impetus towards that goal. Else these aspects will decide for you and in fixed signs these changes are long term changes.

Let’s look at Uranus by sign to see where you would need to set yourself free to fully realize the value of these two synods coming up. Even though 2021 is pivotal in these changes, Uranus will be in this house till 2026 so these are longer term shifts.

Bookmark this blog post

Think out of box in these areas, radical confidence is created to do things you have never done before and see what you need to be true to yourself in these areas of your life, expect sudden shifts aimed towards setting you free through these aspects :

By Zodiac Sign

==============

#Aries ♈️ : Material value, money, income, assets, self worth

Money needs to come from unique independent sources possibly through technology, innovation, free lancing, platforms, welfare focussed activities. More importantly how we value assets shifts. Money is means to freedom and not what should tie us down. As its said many of us, or may be most of us are trading time for money while our time is much more valuable and scarce resource. Assets wouldn’t be fixed and income would be volatile and we are learning to be comfortable with riding that wave cause it comes with the sweet benefit of freedom and ability to convert our ideas into tangible lucrative ventures. You would be best placed to develop unique ways of earning resources - ways that are more authentic to who you are and you would see your efforts expand at a speed. We might go through a few trial and errors of how the exact structure of how its supposed to look like but the trial needs to start. Do it proactively, find skills that offer you independence and if you already have them put them to action to start generating what you need from a new source of security. Use platforms, tech, free lancing, invest in financial markets, source money throigh online ventures, use intuition insight in financial matters and sudden ideas might come through conversation with friends or through network so be on loookout. Detach yourself as much as possible from fixed assets. Change your dominant source of income, use purely online platform for investment, look at unique resources and assets, invention of material nature might be in order, invention in financial markets is also one possibility, go beyond traditional when it comes to how you are paid. You will develop lucrative skills & unique resources as a speed if you move in that direction. Follow your instincts on matters linked to resources & believe the dissonance the discomfort you feel, when you undervalue yourself. Skills you acquire now will help you gain freedom in material sense. But as I said the biggest psychological shift this aspect is to bring to us, is that safety is overrated and playing “safe” isn’t what we were made for and we need to value ourselves away from traditional value systems / scales.

That psychological shift is what would truly set us free both in our personal life and professional.

#Taurus ♉️ : Whole external self!

How we show up to the world is in for a shift. Appearance, self expression, our official title, how we own our truth when we show up in relationships - is in for a radical shift. It’s all been bubbling up and in making internally for past year and now you would see material outlet for it all. Some might say you are an agent of provocation but you are just not hiding your light anymore. We are all here to establish and express our own truth - it wouldn’t be everyone else’s truth and it doesn’t have to be. Don’t look for agreement you may not find it. It’s time to agree with yourself. Time to give an outlet for your own inventive, unique, original self. Lead and not follow, revel in your brilliance, in your findings, in your inventions as brain wave upon brain wave hit your existence and don’t resist the changes. Don’t live a lie and if you need to say your truth just warn your loved ones that its going to be different here on. You will feel wired, you will feel like going on a speed through life you haven’t experienced before. Conventions that are held so dear and core to Taurus archetype seem to fly out of the window as archetype changes when Uranus transits are upon us. It may not happen all in one swoop but this would be pivotal year especially in determining who you are and who in your career, external reality, as a person of authority - who you want to be and who you are in your core. Opposite house of committed one on one close connections & relationships would also shift as you shift as a person who wants more freedom, independence & space to be who he or she truly wants to be. Apart from adopting innovation & humanitarian aspects in your career, you would find yourself with a cause to rebel for. You would find yourself affected more, activated more by all that’s not fair and unequal about this lopsided world. As they say people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world often do. It’s a year to unleash you and you would see this just a beginning. Good luck to everyone around you!

#Gemini ♊️: Secrets, subconscious, your place in the universe

Gemini doesn’t seem like the sign that hides anything, but sometimes they hide things from themselves. It’s not intentional, its just somethings aren’t so entertaining to the liking of Gemini. These things buried deep in the subconscious, way way below the surface become the speed breakers of our life. Normally these are deeper questions of life, deeper losses even, some fears which we have swiftly put away. Sometimes these are even hidden talents which aren’t in plain sight. Uranus is about to release a whole lot of all that together. Yes I would be honest with you, its the Pandora’s box so the good will not without a whole lot of unaddressed issues and even secrets which would come to surface. But without this ride through the subconconcious you wouldn’t be able to feel at peace and rest - its like there is something you aren’t able to see and this is about to unveil this brain fog. Realizations, downloads, exposures are swift and it can help immensely beyond your imagination in establishing a much larger question that you invariably are asking yourself with Rahu in your sign - Why am I here ? This is a voyage within yourself and you would engage in different practices to get there - from acupuncture, to meditation, yoga, reconnection through various methods with your past life or past trauma. A floodgate of selfless service and giving might open up as you try to find your purpose of existence & place in this world. Let yourself go there and experience what you normally don’t go for. Sleep might not come so easy cause its like you are digging for gold in your dreams. Be receptive to what you are receiving - don’t fight it and see what universe shows you in these regressions to past, in your dreams, in moments of silence or yoga or acupuncture. I define this house as the house of God’s timing as I truly found Him there - whatever higher faith & power you are looking for inside or outside yourself - you would find that hand out of nowhere on your head gently but swiftly guiding you as you gotto go places but it would come with some traditional things that have got to go. I know its not you but it is you - just you don’t normally see this you. In the process huge about of untapped resources, talents, courage, knowledge, insights would be set free beyond your current imagination. Healing is end result which would completely change your external existence. Freer, lighter, without baggage you.

#Cancer ♋️ : Network, friends, vision, gains

A little girl woke up in the morning, she swiftly turned on an electronic entrapment she knew nothing about, she sang her heart out into it and then not knowing how, she knew where to send it onto. She just knew she had a talent, something to share and she knew it was of value to people beyond herself, the rest was a natural swift flow of life. That little girl is all of you. This is the artist unleashed on a large scale and its dying to come out and share what it wants to share. Sharing is key here cause your identity is about to be widen to have people very different from your “normal” tribe become a part of you. Don’t try to hold them tight, don’t expect consistency from them - they aren’t there to make your life hot and heavy - they are here to shift who you are. People would set you free. People who fall from the sky and then disappear in thin air but they change your vision in life and teach you how to connect to whom you need to connect to get your message out. They aren’t here to “Hang” they are here to help you create something materially valuable, genius and unique which was all along in you. They are here to create gains and accolades of truly creating value with you and they would teach you like never before to be together yet be a unique pod. They would teach you to how be friend and yet not crave the consistency and constancy that you so desire. They will teach you to crave that in your unique vision which you all would so beautifully create and deliver on. We cant wait to see it !

Connect with these unique, seemingly eccentric people from all walks of life. Accumulate assets & gains from connections, social media, advertisement. Don’t expect everyone to buy into your vision, the ones who matter will find you as you go through the circles. Network through unique, innovative modes & venues. Be one with this unique tribe yet independent - don’t be held down by “friends” or elder sibling as your “friends” change. As your vision radically changes, those who are going with you there also change.

#Leo ♌️ : Career, leadership, father/paternal/authority figure

There is only one king/queen of the jungle and it is you. This transits aim is to ensure that your career existence and persona reflects that authentic king or queen thats you. This wouldn’t come without matching you with the right career shift and right shift in how you show up as an authority figure both in your personal and professional life. But more importantly this would accelerate your need to be what you have always wanted to be but either your inertial or need for consistency / stability / family limitations have paused you from roaring into it all. Uranus is here to recreate your external identity especially in your role as an authority figure. When a lion starts eating grass someone has got to give them a taste of that blood and that’s usually enough but this is some long run conditioning which is being undone here. There would be things a bit out of control which would show up when it comes to career, jobs, bosses, parenthood, authoritative parents in your life. It’s all to make space. Space for your brilliant, inventive, idealistic, royal side to show up in the arena you like to shine and be your best - your work and your leadership style. Sudden position changes, sudden job / authority shifts, title changes, unique professions or unique way of performing traditional roles are all external things which would show up to change you internally in how you show your authority and how to channel your unique ideas. Media, tech, humanitarian activities, freelancing, unique careers, independence in job or from boss are all part of how you physically conduct your role and would be a must. Saturn contact with Uranus throughout this year would make sure these radical career ideas don’t just stay ideas so through trial and error and through some push and pull you would be forced to finally put a structure around it all. In the process your relationship with your parents and family would change possibly with some distance in between or separation from place of birth or whatever you call “home”.

You would have to detach a bit from how it looks to the rest of the world as you go through this. The more ordinary you would want to be - the more extraordinary external circumstances would become. More you run from actually delivering what you came here to delivery - something unique, brilliant, of material value - more you try conservative - more external circumstances will make sure it isn’t so. Taste that blood - you are no sheep !

#Virgo ♍️ : Knowledge, foreign culture, travel, philosophy, life path

This is the house of higher mind and Uranus activates higher knowledge when its active in this house, it makes Virgo the guru, the teacher, the radical unique ideological breakthrough guru of our times. Mahatma Gandhi had this in his natal chart and he changed world for some forever with his unique philosophy leading to freedom for others. But he didn’t expect everyone to follow, they followed cause they felt he was the missing piece. Don’t try to convince, those who are ready will come along the ride and the rest need time to get there. But let your views know. Let the knowledge through without insistence for people to have same belief as you. Conservative groups wouldn’t be your cup of tea, you are seeking freedom and not just for yourself. You will go after unique knowledge and information linked ideas which can be very lucrative. Ideas can be out of social norm and you surely wouldn’t follow anyone else’s life path. Insights you have, concepts you are using, adventures you are on would be ahead of time and you can feel misunderstood by those who aren’t yet there. Try to connect with people who are foreign to where you are through digital means and on digital matters. You know the pulse of society before the society knows it. This is house of faith, some ideas would need to be executed on faith. Future is never created on ideologies of present time but just don’t shut down those who aren’t there yet. Everyone will get there in their own time, doesn’t mean they aren’t for you, they just have to follow their own journey. Meanwhile expose yourself to as many “foreign” elements as you can as you are right now in ideation mode where unique ideas are flying off every interaction you have with people different from you in background, education, culture, upbringing. They will all add to this collective innovation which becomes part of something like a state of art educational platform or information platform except this is practical information, linked to financial world and material in nature. You can totally evolve the world of knowledge through your vision. Saturn will keep it real and through some process of trail and error and a bit of push help you put structure to this idea or ideology. It’s the house of divine plan, let it play out!

#Libra ♎️ : Resources from others, power, desires, deep transformation

Uranus is a rebel, a pariah, it only cares for you want and you desire and somehow here in this position, it makes it all possible and even ok to go after your desires. There is a freedom in being able to ask what you truly want deep within versus what’s acceptable or what’s kosher. There is no judgement here, you are in this process which used to be described as kundalini release. It’s not that complicated or near as risqué as the word makes out to be. It’s coiled serpent which holds the power of who you truly are and what you desire but somehow social conventions have put such a bad connotation to desire that we would rather loose it at risk of offending others. But what we don’t realize is that we loose our power with our desires - suppression is total. So when this kundalini release progresses - not just the desires, your power, your need to stand ground in joint situation, your need to satisfy your passions comes to surface as well. There is no going back from there. Experimentation of sexual, physical, powerful nature or even financial nature would be part of the game as you try to come to a place of being as you should be - financially, physically, emotionally. We could go between extremes during this time, you have to realize that as you come into a position known for lack of balance, something Librans aren’t known for - there is nothing in common that this position has with you as the world knows you but its still a part of you. You would discover parts of you that excite you, drive you that you didn’t know existed. Most people go through situations in life during this transit are put in sudden situations where they need to act in position of power, control to get what they truly desire. Nuclear reactions are product of this house transit - sudden events that escalate and you are put in situation where you need to be in power and that opens a world of opportunity for you. Sudden financial prospects, joint resources shift, sudden dramatic shifts in life that help you meet with your true desires no matter how disruptive on surface they might look like. Partnerships need to be unconventional and your role - who owns the power - in joint situations will switch. It’s best to take advice on joint financial matters, loans, credit as you would get some sudden shifts and would want to create earning sources away from the norm. You would get some sudden ideas on how to earn resources from others, from stock markets, from commissions etc. The gentle sweet exteriors of Libra gives very little away about what’s underneath - sometimes it hides it all from them too, but now it cannot and it shouldn’t. When yielded well, power could be magical and desires are not all evil - they are also our drive. This is house of research, financial markets, nuclear fuel/ power and occult so state of art innovative ideas around these could come from you on these subjects. There could be fascination with life after death, or addictions, psychic topics, topics that go deeper than surface like probing, detective series etc. Sudden inheritances, shifts in joint give and take emotionally / financially / physically in partnerships and marriages, sudden changes in life leading to dramatic physical transformation - all to help you meet you.

#Scorpio ♏️ : Partnership, contracts, clients, one on one relationships

When you crave all that’s deep yet don’t want to be tied down. It’s the controversy of this transit of Scorpio and to some extend of their life. Crave depth, power, dynamism yet gravitating to convention, safe, stable, consistent. Don’t worry Uranus has got you. It’s going to evolve how you connect with others and possibly change every committed relationship you have, changing you with it. We would attract unconventional partners and ways of connecting with our clients, our close relationship. Wanting authenticity, originality, freedom, excitement, fun, dynamism, charm - all in one. Sometimes balance would be tilted towards wanting more freedom and in that we would attract some unreliable partners and might already have been. But they would all very swiftly shift you irreversibly, set you free from any convention. This can make us feel like a loner as we learn to not be lonely in unconventional relationships. Relationships evolve to have room for us to be unapologetically us while retaining the elements of excitement and freshness in moments together. Our contracts, nature & mode of our engagement with our business clients would involve use of unique technologies, unique talents, very innovative subjects of connection and yes possibly waves of sudden inflows and outflows. People could feel you ebb and flow but at the same time find you exciting and evolving with a speed . We could seek uncommitted relationships and contracts during this time as we are in the process of self discovery through another and one person, job, contract might not do it for us at the time. As long as we are truthful its just something we have to be through during this time to find ourselves. Open exchange and honesty in relationships and contracts would be desired cause you would want freedom and either you or circumstances would create it for you. This is also house of our material contribution to others and they would be very unique, inventive, one of a kind, lucrative insights and breakthroughs which this aspect would help us provide to others. You would have to work extra hard though to make sure you deliver it to others as consistency with others might lack during this time so might need to get help in that area with another. Seek what’s original, dynamic, inventive, charismatic in others - don’t expect stability and consistency though in the same package - trust me you aren’t right now looking for traditional. Connecting with others has to be for more than comfort and warmth - others would wake you up to who you are and sometimes in shocking ways. Don’t run from one on one connections due to this lack of stability - go through them as the waves would thrash out what’s not needed in you too.

If you are in client facing roles, use the state of art tech to connect with them, make sure your interface reflects new age, change the topics frequently that you discuss with them, bring in financial innovation and rapid changes in material world right now into the mix of discussions, be comfortable to go out of your comfort zone of things and topics you discuss or sell and trust yourself when you share your insights which might seem ahead of time but they are rather just in time.

#Sagittarius ♐️ : Work, duties, health, diet

As much as Sagittarius seem always ready to take on the world with their next best idea, they like their daily life to have some consistency and stability, their work environment to have some traditionally valuable output. Uranus in this house of routine, makes it a bit tough to have a routine work environment or routine of any sort. It’s almost like life becomes allergic to any kind of stability or consistency or you could also say - life stops being boring. It’s a perspective shift to get from this feeling of non stop restlessness to accepting that life doesn’t want us to do anything ordinary in our daily life. Work has to be engaging, full of variety and projects need to be unique state of the art. 9-5 or consistent place of working wouldn’t work out with this transit and its not just due to the pandemic this is a transit all the way to 2026 but it would create an urgency to create something unique, creating opportunities and circumstances to work on unique new subjects with steep learning curves. You would need the freedom to set your own schedule and working in a fixed place with fixed coworkers wouldn’t work well. You would have already experienced this to some extend but this need would become larger and output of this more tangible with a structure this year. This is not your comfort zone, working on new projects is but not having a consistent place of working or not having a team or just not having stability in work is not your comfort zone so it could feel like suddenly small problems in daily life are popping up or daily life isn’t that stable. Sometimes disruptions are created to get something unconventional out of us. Though do take active steps to manage this frequent disruption generating nervous energy or even stress through unconventional health routines. This is house of daily activities involving your health as well so you have opportunity to discover new cures, new health routines, workouts not tried before. Mind body connection is strong during this time so lot of physical health would be linked with how you take care of your mind through finding an anchor in meditation, yoga, acupuncture or unconventional health routine or even unusual pets. You could suddenly leave a health habit which blocks your progress or well being. This need for freedom to move and be in daily life would create a concrete structure of a unique role / project / work environment thats more authentic to who you are and who you need to be, to realize the things you always wanted to do but didn’t seem “free” to do. Sometimes in madness of it all - something very unique brilliant and unconventional is given birth to and it sometimes happens in our daily routine, right when its being seemingly being disrupted.

Needless to say the projects you should be working on a day to day basis should be very futuristic and not traditional - even the mode you use to work with your coworkers should be state of art. The health routines should involve use of new innovations in health and you would take well to unconventional medicines under guidance of a practitioner. If and when any allergies or reactions that faced health linked - look towards connection to mind, thoughts especially linked to lack of stability. Mind and thoughts would play a much bigger role in wellbeing as you learn to trust the synchronicity of your mind body. Physical activity is a must to get your focused as this is a nervy energy.

#Capricorn ♑️ : Fun, hobbies, self expression, love, passion, children

I feel this is the most fun placement of Uranus, its how true passionate wild freedom feels like and its a sensation not so well known to cautious pragmatic Capricorn or at least not exuberantly shown by them. It’s the giggle of a carefree child who has just discovered a new corner or toy or antic and does it for the sake of joy it brings. This the house of doing things so we can reconnect with the child within for whom anything was possible and everything was fun and there was a belief that everything will work out cause they have to. Uranus brings freedom to be that child. It releases a person like Elvis Presley to do his unconventional “moves” and make that his signature. It’s where people discover their love, their passion, their uniqueness in moments of pure bliss. Confidence and faith in ones uniqueness is restored by the radical freedom of belief this transit creates in life’s natural flow and it radiates out matched by equally dynamic hobbies, love interests, children. We become more risk taking when it comes to financial investments & personal investments and there could be volatility in returns but it would put us in a place where we would more sure of taking a chance on ourselves. Gains will not be consistent and somehow this placement makes us comfortable with that while in the past we might not have been. We do it do for the rush and we do it cause we want to take a chance on life. Self expression is set free and many unique hobbies, interests, creative ventures are initiated. Love affairs become unpredictable and love more exciting versus traditional / conventional. Children show unique talents too and sudden pregnancy is possible during exact aspects to your degrees. Individuality love joy shines through and no one else can do with more of this than your sign after the heavy hits in past few years. Let this transit open you up for new experiences, outcomes would be unpredictable but you would have lived more and loved more than ever.

Sudden ideas of business ventures, turning hobbies to businesses or sudden shift in creative output of self or children could be unexpected sources of joy. This is the house of positive karma - open the year to expect it to flow through you.

#Aquarius ♒️ : Home, family, place of living, comfort zone

Aquarius with both Jupiter and Saturn in your sign you are ofcourse front and center this year with your external reality in terms of what you do for a living and how you do it go through a total structural shift and authority upgrade, Uranus will shift your roots. Your domestic life, your place of living, your comfort zone is subjected to shifts to match all that needs to be created in your work and external reality. It could feel a bit disruptive almost like it distracts you from your focus on what you have been working on or towards all this while and it might seem like almost the wrong time but its never the wrong time. It’s just you have asked for both - you asked for material success, abundance, concrete long term growth in personal and professional life and also freedom, excitement while doing it all. The shifts in home and family and even in what you find your comfort in is needed for you to go to next level of growth that your ruler Saturn in your sign demands. Your two rulers Saturn and Uranus would be in conflict with each other - this is an internal conflict. As you try to become authority or own next level of growth of your life, you would find yourself seeking shifts or seeing shifts in your home and family life at the same time. Some of it is driven by your own desire to have an entity different from your past comfort zone away from where you are currently rooted, some of it is driven by the fact that shifts are needed in your personal life for more authenticity. Relocation, change in family structure, sometimes separation from family in some ways bring out the core of what you feel and need to reconnect to yourself and your emotional core. It’s like sometime we eat when we are truly hungry for something else and Uranus just snaps the food out of our hand and flicks our forehead to open our eyes to what we were truly craving and we were just too “busy” to see. So whatever we might be stuffing ourselves with which is not what we really need to feel at “home”, we might be uprooted from that falsity. We might feel like a kite with a string stuck somewhere and it needs to be cut off for us to go where we need to go and that thread has been stretching for a while. You would see it snap this year and its needed and you wont realize till it happens that you were even stuck. Sometimes what is home, what is comfort, what is real isn’t what is everyone else’s reality. Sometimes “family” isn’t what we are born into but people we discover our “home” in. Don’t try to be fixed in a place and prepare to move away from what feels like roots right now;.

#Pisces ♓️ : Communication, skills, ideas, marketing, words, voice, thinking

This is Einstein’s Eureka moment transit whereby innovative ideas flow through the mind when we least expect them and they move us to a totally different reality. Innovative thinking is the hallmark of this transit and with some friction & effort as Saturn makes three squares to Uranus this year you would be able to put those ideas into concrete actionable lucrative touch it feel it things which can benefit a lot of people. You words, your ideas, your mind, your skills especially skills of communication can bring progressive ideas, teachings, of practical value to many. You would need to learn to channel these ideas in gradual step by step way as they seem to come in flashes of genius and might have lost impetus in the past due to lack of consistent action which with Saturn aspect this year you would almost be forced to make it happen. Media involvement, communication skills, steep learning curve, communication using state of the art technologies, lot of interactions with people in your immediate neighborhood - local network would be essential for the success. You get more out of feeling an environment versus trying to force an idea - sort of detached clarity which can be unique, rational, ahead of time - like you are connecting the dots which others are so obviously missing somehow. Uranus transit here makes the mind very restless, almost like an idea, a flash a second so you would learn to harness this which Saturn would impose. There is a need to be very careful when it comes to contracts or contracts could have very unique clauses or can break suddenly so you would want to keep an eye on written contracts. This is the house of learning and experimentation so whatever opportunities you can give yourself to learn practical skills which can come useful commercially especially linked to social media, communication, talking, writing, expressing yourself, selling would be helpful and you would pick those up very quickly. It might be tough to have long drawn courses or formal education during this time. It’s time to move around and experience different things and thinking would be more non linear versus conventional. Lot of short trips locally and use of local transits - lot of sudden interactions with people in neighbourhood or sudden changes in neighbourhood or coming in of unique people in your immediate vicinity which would excite new ideas or changes in your life is possible. Relationship dynamics with younger siblings go through shifts sometimes. Have state of art communication, transport devices or engage with people who deal in them or you might look to innovate something in area of transit and communication which can be lucrative. Innovate in area of knowledge and skills and how its conveyed to people who need it. The best thing I love about this transit and which as a water sign isn’t foreign to you - is knowing something suddenly and not knowing why you know what you know so well. It’s the fast mind - yet a restless not able to stay in one place kind of a brilliant mind. Can’t wait to see your next brain wave!

#astrology #horoscope #2021horoscope

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elisaenglish · 4 years ago

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Simone de Beauvoir on How Chance and Choice Converge to Make Us Who We Are

My life … runs back through time and space to the very beginnings of the world and to its utmost limits. In my being I sum up the earthly inheritance and the state of the world at this moment.

To be alive is to marvel — at least occasionally, at least with glimmers of some deep intuitive wonderment — at the Rube Goldberg machine of chance and choice that makes us who we are as we half-stride, half-stumble down the improbable paths that lead us back to ourselves. My own life was shaped by one largely impulsive choice at age thirteen, and most of us can identify points at which we could’ve pivoted into a wholly different direction — to move across the continent or build a home here, to leave the tempestuous lover or to stay, to wait for another promotion or quit the corporate day job and make art. Even the seemingly trivial choices can butterfly enormous ripples of which we may remain wholly unwitting — we’ll never know the exact misfortunes we’ve avoided by going down this street and not that, nor the exact magnitude of our unbidden graces.

Perhaps our most acute awareness of the lacuna between the one life we do have and all the lives we could have had comes in the grips of our fear of missing out — those sudden and disorienting illuminations in which we recognise that parallel possibilities exist alongside our present choices. “Our lived lives might become a protracted mourning for, or an endless tantrum about, the lives we were unable to live,” wrote the psychoanalyst Adam Phillips in his elegant case for the value of our unlived lives. “But the exemptions we suffer, whether forced or chosen, make us who we are.”

The garland of those exemptions strews our sense of self — our constellating experience of personal identity which, as the poet and philosopher John O’Donohue so incisively observed, “is not merely an empirical process of appropriating or digesting blocks of life.”

No one has captured that ultimate existential awareness more beautifully, nor with greater nuance, than the trailblazing French existentialist philosopher and feminist Simone de Beauvoir (January 9, 1908–April 14, 1986) in her autobiography, All Said and Done (public library).

From the fortunate rostrum of her own long life, De Beauvoir reflects on this constellation of chance and choice:

“Every morning, even before I open my eyes, I know I am in my bedroom and my bed. But if I go to sleep after lunch in the room where I work, sometimes I wake up with a feeling of childish amazement — why am I myself? What astonishes me, just as it astonishes a child when he becomes aware of his own identity, is the fact of finding myself here, and at this moment, deep in this life and not in any other. What stroke of chance has brought this about?”

With an eye to the element of chance and its myriad manifestations, she adds:

“The penetration of that particular ovum by that particular spermatozoon, with its implications of the meeting of my parents and before that of their birth and the births of all their forebears, had not one chance in hundreds of millions of coming about. And it was chance, a chance quite unpredictable in the present state of science, that caused me to be born a woman. From that point on, it seems to me that a thousand different futures might have stemmed from every single movement of my past: I might have fallen ill and broken off my studies; I might not have met Sartre; anything at all might have happened.”

But the most curious part of this perplexity, De Beauvoir notes, is that despite the larger cosmic accident of all life and the chance nature of our particular lives within it, we experience ourselves and our existence as non-accidental — a disconnect that fringes on the free will paradox. She writes:

“Tossed into the world, I have been subjected to its laws and its contingencies, ruled by wills other than my own, by circumstance and by history: it is therefore reasonable for me to feel that I am myself contingent. What staggers me is that at the same time I am not contingent. If I had not been born no question would have arisen: I have to take the fact that I do exist as my starting point. To be sure, the future of the woman I have been may turn me into someone other than myself. But in that case it would be this other woman who would be asking herself who she was. For the person who says “Here am I” there is no other coexisting possibility. Yet this necessary coincidence of the subject and his history is not enough to do away with my perplexity. My life: it is both intimately known and remote; it defines me and yet I stand outside it.”

Considering the precise nature of this “curious object,” De Beauvoir draws on the physics that revolutionised the human understanding of life and reality in her lifetime, and writes:

“Like Einstein’s universe, it is both boundless and finite. Boundless: it runs back through time and space to the very beginnings of the world and to its utmost limits. In my being I sum up the earthly inheritance and the state of the world at this moment.

[…]

And yet life is also a finite reality. It possesses an inner heart, a centre of interiorisation, a me which asserts that it is always the same throughout the whole course. A life is set within a given space of time; it has a beginning and an end; it evolves in given places, always retaining the same roots and spinning itself an unchangeable past whose opening toward the future is limited. It is impossible to grasp and define a life as one can grasp and define a thing, since a life is “an unsummed whole,” as Sartre puts it, a detotalised totality, and therefore it has no being. But one can ask certain questions about it.”

Of course, as De Beauvoir’s American peer and contemporary Susanne Langer has memorably pointed out, our questions invariably shape our answers. But to this central question of whether and to what degree we are contingent upon chance, De Beauvoir offers an answer that radiates the ultimate antidote to regret:

“Chance... has a distinct meaning for me. I do not know where I might have been led by the paths that, as I look back, I think I might have taken but that in fact I did not take. What is certain is that I am satisfied with my fate and that I should not want it changed in any way at all. So I look upon these factors that helped me to fulfill it as so many fortunate strokes of chance.”

Complement this particular fragment of the wholly magnificent All Said and Done with philosopher Rebecca Goldstein on what makes you and your childhood self the same person despite a lifetime of change, then revisit De Beauvoir on freedom, busyness, and why happiness is our moral obligation, vitality and the measure of intelligence, and her daily routine.

Source: Maria Popova, brainpickings.org (6th January 2017)

#quote #women writers #love #life #selfhood #meaning #existential musings #all eternal things #love in a time of...#intelligence quotients #depth perception #understanding beyond thought #vital questions #this is who we are #stands on its own #elisa english #elisaenglish

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ariannjs · 6 years ago

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KARIN | A SasuSaku FanFic - (2/10)

(Karin - Part 1)

———

Burying herself in her work was effective in giving her the numbing sensation she was eager to have since that day. Since she's the head of the hospital, she has access to all the departments inside; hence, she could take over whichever task she wants, which was what she did as if her plate was not yet full with her regular work. If the only thing that would save her from sulking all day and crying all night was getting involved in her least favorite departments in the hospital, then she's fine with that.

For weeks, she had been ridiculously out of reach even to Naruto, Kakashi, and Shizune. And she hadn't heard about Sasuke ever since.

But there were some days, at those exact rare hours that she allowed herself to breathe, wherein she unexpectedly caught a glimpse of a raven-haired man with a redhead clinging unto him at the market. Whenever that happened, she immediately stopped on her tracks, bags of groceries almost falling from her grip, then opted to go home without even completing her shopping list.

She thought those few instances were already enough. However, there was one moment that she was left with no other choice but to face the man that makes her heart beat faster yet cripple it at the same time. She found him at Ichiraku, of all places, and she mentally scolded herself for listening to her unusual craving for the meal that their jinchuriki teammate loves. It was right after he paid for two to-go bowls of freshly cooked ramen that he turned and saw her, charcoal eyes widening at the sight of the pink-haired medic in her white coat.

For a second, she felt self-conscious. She hoped that he wouldn't notice the dark circles under her emerald eyes. She hoped that he wouldn't notice how those orbs weren't as bright as the way they used to shine for him. She hoped that he wouldn't notice that she was fresh from crying, partly due to a patient losing his battle with cancer just recently, but mostly due to her heart losing its battle in moving on from loving him since they were kids.

It was too late to even retreat from the small stall so they stiffly stood there, face to face, flabbergasted with the sudden encounter after a month of absence in each other's lives even though they were just in the same village for once.

Sakura tried to smile. "For Karin?"

There was a momentary pause as the wandering ninja threw a glance at the plastic in his hand. "Yeah."

"I see."

Sasuke just stared back at her, his lips parted as if he was about to say something.

And then her phone rang. Saved by the bell, alright. When she turned to answer the direct call from the hospital phone, she somehow considered believing that she saw from her peripheral vision how his shoulders slumped at the sudden interruption. But who was she kidding? She has lived a life wherein Sasuke finds her annoying. If anything, he’d be glad that she’s going to be out of sight immediately.

She then tipped her head over her shoulder after ending the call. "It's time for another surgery. Bye, Sasuke-kun...Take care of her well."

Then she headed back to work. She wasn't even able to order her own meal but it was better than spending another second with Sasuke who had been so expressive on his concern for the redhead medic nin. A new set of tears rolled down her cheeks, but this time, it hurt more because she couldn’t deny that she missed seeing his face. But she also knew that she won't be able to move on if she'll keep on seeing him.

Maybe she'll just keep on healing others, then eventually her heart would heal as well.

Sakura exhaled in relief after taking a step back and glancing at the carefully stacked medicines in the pharmacy. The pharmacists would surely be glad at the accomplished work that Sakura had taken off their shoulders. It wasn't the first time that she bothered to lend them a hand, but she figured it was better to use her break there than go out and risk the happenstance of seeing Sasuke again.

"Sakura! Sakura!" She was welcomed by a rattled Shizune once she reached the hallway to her office from the pharmacy.

"What's the matter, Shizune-san?"

"I know you've just finished your break but we need you in the operating room right now." She panted.

Sakura gaped at her colleague. "Another surgery?"

"No. Emergency labor. It's been a dangerous pregnancy for her so we'd rather have you deliver the baby for you are one of the bests that we have." Shizune handed her a white folder. "I trust you, now go."

Startled, she pivoted due to the force of Shizune's push as she opened the file of her new patient.

Ho—

"You have to hurry, Sakura! She's been having intense contractions for hours now. You know what's at stake!"

A glimpse of the very few patients she'd unfortunately lost since the war flashed in her mind and it made her shudder. She didn't want her new patient to be one of them. "Right! Shannaro!" Sakura shut the folder and headed to the stairs.

Turning from the last flight of stairs, her jaw dropped at the sight of no other than Sasuke who was leaning his back on the wall in front of the operating room with his hand brushing through his hair.

What in the world?

Her heart clenched at the realization that her patient must've been Karin.

Why me? Why is it always me?

Sasuke tilted his head towards her when he heard the shuffling of her feet. "Sakura," he acknowledged, shifting his gaze to the operating room and then back to her with a tinge of panic drawn on his face. "Karin."

Her hands trembled, but she rushed inside the room and true enough, Karin was there, hands gripping tightly on the metal rail of the hospital bed as she winced from a recent contraction. "S-sakura! Thank Kami! It's—Ugh!—time!"

Baffled, she grabbed a pair of medical gloves and went back outside the room. "Sasuke-kun. Go inside, or you'll miss the whole thing," she stated professionally, eyes not meeting his as her hand pulled her gloves in place.

Sasuke looked at her with a puzzled expression. "Why should I be there?"

This time, she faced him, fighting the urge to punch the last Uchiha and eradicate him before he even multiplies. "What?! She needs you there! C'mon! Your baby's about to come out anytime soon!" And then she rushed inside again, leaving the dumbfounded Uchiha by the door.

It was, by far, the most dreadful six hours she has ever had as a medical ninja. Shizune wasn't kidding when she mentioned that her patient's pregnancy was dangerous. For hours now, she had been transferring chakra to Karin so she could exert more effort to push the baby out of her womb without her own heartbeat stopping in the process. If another two hours would pass without the baby coming out yet, she knew she would have no choice but to use the Byakugou. It was that fatal.

And it scared her to the core. She didn't know why Sasuke chose to stay outside, but in all honesty, she was glad. If he was here, watching how she mediated between life and death for his...for his wife and child, she was sure she would be more pressured to the point of making a mistake in just a snap.

What would Sasuke think...if...if when all else fails, he'd lose a family again, but this time, it would be because of me? She felt her heart constrict, for her own pain and for his.

She knew she'd rather live a life wherein Sasuke is happy with somebody else than a life wherein he'll loathe her forever. As she once again put pressure on Karin's belly, tears began rushing down her face at the thought of finally letting go of the man she has always loved.

But then, before she even fully lose her focus on the job, Karin released another earsplitting scream. And moments later, Sakura came to smile amidst the tears as she saw the product of her hours of perseverance in helping to bring out a new life into the world. It wasn't even her own child, but somehow, all the heaviness inside her moments ago was abruptly replaced with the joy of successfully giving a baby the chance to live.

For in her own arms was a tiny red-haired baby girl.

With vibrant purple eyes.

————

(Karin - Part 3)

What do you guys think about that?🙊 Who’s the father of the baby? And what do you think would happen between Sasuke and Sakura now?😬 Comments and reviews are welcome!

- A

You could check out my other SasuSaku fics here! :)

#SasuSaku

#SasuKarin

#Karin

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athyrabunlord · 6 years ago

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About LLSHP AU (Afterword)

[Brief note about School Term] [other LLSHP AU stuff] [YohaMaRuby concept arts] [ChikaYouRiko concept arts] [KanaDiaMari concept arts] [Hogwarts Staff]

[FFN link] [Pixiv Link] [Translated to Chinese by plin2290]

I’m just so pleased and happy to have made it! I have so many existing incomplete stories that it’s astounding for me to actually complete a multi-chapter story. Once again, I’d like to say a huge THANK YOU!! to my readers for staying with me to the end, providing me feedback and expressing interest, motivating and inspiring me enough to reach this point.

The following is really just about my rambling, about my thoughts, about the planning process and my decisions, so do keep reading if you’re interested in the makings of this story. I just feel like sharing (aka: blah blah blah) since, again, I actually friggin completed a story omg (´；Д；｀)

===================

First of all, let’s go way back to near the end of October 2016, not long after LLS Season 1 ended. Yes this is so long ago lmao. After drawing several canon-related fanarts and writing short blips to satiate my thirst, I decided to create a complete whole AU so I can fantasize more XD I ended up picking the Harry Potter verse because, come on, it’s always fun trying to Sort your favorite characters and think about their abilities and whatnot.

Ideas started to whirl and initial sketches began. There’s an old post explaining why I Sort the girls into their respective Houses. That’s also when extra details were pondered over, the why and the pros in doing so. You should know by this point that I’m a complete useless 3rd Years trash, but as I brainstorm more, I realize that their story is more suitable to be a prequel, something that supplements a main story. And so, what should the main story be about? What kind of story do I want to present? Who would be the perfect main character/narrator for this?

Yoshiko. In canon, she’s already associated with (black) magic and, as a First-Year and Muggleborn, she would be perfect for a reader to immerse into this fascinating new world of magic through her perspective. As an old post says, I fudged up the School Term and age during the initial stage and didn’t realize until everything’s all finalized, that’s why I had to keep it as it is XD;;;;

Anyway, at this point, I’ve already decided Yoshiko to be a Horcrux, with the antagonist of this story to be Yohane, and how the last few chapters are going to play out. Everything else, even the other characters’ backgrounds are all further elaborated and refined based off of this central plot. On a side note, how sexy is Aikyan’s solo in the 3rd Live, I mean, the white and black wing I could only think about Yoshiko/Yohane DX

Ahem, I’ve always found Yoshiko’s character fascinating, that there’s a Yohane side of her even though, really, she’s Yoshiko (a good girl). The Chamber of Secrets and the Half-Blood Prince are the main source of inspiration for this particular idea, but of course HP fans might notice many elements from the original story used or modified in my story. I’m also a strong believer that the Patronus Charm can do more than just warding off Dementors or Lethifolds (and Obscurus), hence its significance in this story, especially later chapters.

Therefore, each girl’s Patronus was tentatively decided at this early stage, with 1 or 2 possibilities. After this, I then thought of what ships should this story present. As much as I did not want romance/ships be The Major Point, I have to acknowledge that ships are what people go for in a story, myself included. I understand shipping might turn people away from even trying a story, that’s why I kept it secret for the first few chapters before confirming it on tumblr (where the chapters were first uploaded). I was just testing the waters, to see if people are interested in the story enough to keep reading even if the ships aren’t their preferences.

Back to planning stage - as a multi-shipper, I did not want to set in stone right off the bat what the ships are either. And thus I continued expanding on ideas and see where things would go, keeping most of the initial interactions and important moments intact. This is why there are times it might seem there are multiple pairings even though nothing was specified (cough wee kanadia, youriko etc (｡･ ω<)ゞてへぺろ♡). Not to mention, as the main character, Yoshiko will always have moments with each of the 8 girls. I remember joking in an old post that, if this were a gal-game, there are various routes to this story, from the default path to those you have to unlock via certain conditions XDDD

Naturally, members of the 1st-year trio and Guilty Kiss get more screen time with Yoshiko. Then, as a fellow Slytherin and part of the tsurime trio, Dia does too. Not to mention Season1’s anime ED shows You & Angel together, You gets special moments too. Chika is Aqours’ leader who first accepted Yoshiko into the group as datenshi, so I tried to show that as much as I could given the circumstances in the story. And so, this leaves poor orca on the side lol. But yeah, YoshiMaru, YoshiRiko, YoshiRuby, so many possibilities! However, as more details get finalized, such as Yoshiko’s childhood, her Shiira-KANSU! Patronus and about the Augurey, YoshiMaru just happened. Things seem to click into place with their love as the focal point and I was able to keep expanding the story. First puppy love, innocent and pure. A dream that grew to become reality. Could other ships have worked? Yes, but then that would’ve given this story a different direction and it wouldn’t have been LLSHP AU – Yoshiko Tsushima and the Fallen Angel anymore. As I developed YoshiMaru more and more, I was very satisfied with my choice.

On a side note, I confirm Yoshiko did have a crush on You at first (and Hanamaru had a crush on Kanan) xD it’s mostly just physical attraction in a “the-senpai-I-admire” kind of way, and it soon morphs to strong friendship as this story progresses. I don’t know if this was obvious at all but that’s why these two girls always have a soft spot for Gryffindor Baka#2 and Baka #3 xD!!!

On the other hand, I was not expecting DiaRiko to form. Yes, it was my guilty ship but I didn’t intend for them to be a couple in this story, just close friends/confidantes. In canon, they’re already the straight man of their respective year trios (most of the time anyway, I’m looking at you ponkotsu penguin). Yet, given their respective pasts and personalities, they became intimately close and found solace with each other, and that kind of relationship is what I tried to show to the readers, especially through the Carbonado Interlude. They’re not predestined to fall in love but they did and found happiness. Out of the four ships, I was most worried about DiaRiko since it’s a rareship unlike the other three. That’s why I keep saying how pleased I am that it ended up being well-received by fans ;;A;;

ChikaYou came to be as I finalize the 2ndYears’ background and Riko’s part, while KanaMari’s story is set aside for the prequel and thus not given much spotlight in the main story (and also due POV effect). In spite of how much I adore ChikaYou, it’s also not shown much because of what happened in the story but also because I wanted to present their dynamic as a duo and CYR bond with Ruby (since that’s how Yoshiko perceives them most of the time anyway).

Ruby, my widdle cinnamon roll baby, is left unpaired for a reason. I want to show that platonic/friendship love is just as wonderful and powerful. There’s a saying ‘lovers come and go, but friends are for life’, and that’s exactly what Yoshiko and Hanamaru meant for Ruby, and vice versa. Now, while I’m on this, I have a confession about Ruby’s fate. After the concept arts were drawn and uploaded, I was finalizing the details of the three Arcs before I toss the first chapter onto tumblr. The end of ch19 is definitely one of the biggest climax of the story - Ruby ended up being Yohane’s target instead of Dia. Originally, uh, yeah, Ruby is supposed to die because her wounds were too much. Regular healing spells do not work on sectumsempra, only a special counter-Curse could reverse the effects. I tried very hard to find a way around it to save her. I don’t want my baby to die, any of them really, and she still have so much ahead of her. Fortunately, I was able to save her through Yoshiko/Yohane which, in turn, saved this raven-haired girl as well. I was able to continue working backwards on finalizing the Arcs and individual chapters with a peaceful state of mind.

‘Yoshiko’, as in the one who’s been narrating the story from ch1-20, still died in a way, but at least I was able to change the story from Bad End to True End (?). True End is the ch21 I uploaded. Bad End route would have Ruby dead, Yoshiko gone and ch21 would turn out completely different. A Happy End would be Yoshiko the Narrator miraculously alive and the others not having scars or still recovering, but I just find that too unrealistic. I’ve minimized the, uh, damage enough as it is, given the circumstances. J.K. Rowling did go on a killing spree in Book7 but come on, with a psychotic maniac like Voldemort and all those magical spells, you can easily kill people. You don’t need Avada Kedavra to kill someone, a sudden Diffindo or Reducto is enough. I’ve chosen my sacrifice and one is too many already. And speaking of sacrifice, let me talk a bit about Riko and why she was the ‘first victim’. Omoi yo Hitotsu ni Nare. Even though this story was outlined even before the First Live, this song already stands out to me from the anime, a song where the 8 of them sang in Riko’s absence but her spirit is still with them. And so, I sort of portrayed that the way it is in this story. Even though Riko didn’t get any lines from ch12 onward until ch20, her role remains significant and is the pivotal point for the remainder of Arc2 and Arc3. In terms of the plot, I’ve followed my outline quite closely. All the core points remained unchanged as I write out the chapters, though how I write a chapter (ie the wording, the extra little details, and actual professor dialogues instead of just narration) did change as I go along, influenced by more of the official content. Facts about characters that are only revealed in Season2 or other media such as SIF etc were not incorporated into this story (for example, Kanan being afraid of ghosts and height). As I mentioned in an older post about wands, I would have chosen phoenix feather for Ruby’s wand core had I known about the Duo-Trio results. The Kazuno sisters would have been incorporated into the story alas, back then, very little was known about Saint Snow in Season1 of the anime. Yes… season2 was finished and, like, a total of 15 live performances have happened between the creation and the completion of this story LOL Back to the plot. Seven is said to be a magical number in the HP verse and that’s why each Arc has 7 chapters. Arc 1 is the Intro, Arc 2 is the turning point, Arc 3 is the climax and the resolution. Sounds easy and straightforward so I thought I would’ve finished the story within a year. Well. It ended up almost taking two years lmao. Obligations IRL aside, new ideas, more AUs, more fanarts etc also make sticking to the update schedule difficult. It’s the worst when it comes to writer’s block – you have the outlines, you know what’s supposed to happen in a chapter, yet the words just aren’t flowing and you’re stuck. Thankfully, with you lovely readers giving the feedback and encouragement I need, I made it over each bump on the road to get to the finale. Hanamaru wrote most of this story, yes. Each chapter titles with exception of Ruby’s interlude and ch18-19 also showed up in ch21. The title of the ‘book’ is supposed to be revealed in the Epilogue but, since I had to upload it onto Fanfiction.Net, I can’t just call it LLSHP AU so I had to reveal “Yoshiko Tsushima and the Fallen Angel” right away. Back then I called this a temporary title because I did think about giving this story an alternate title, since she didn’t write the interludes, ch21 and the epilogue. However, at the end of the day, this still suits the story best. After all, the individual titles for ch21 and the epilogue make up the story’s title.

“Yoshiko has always known that she isn't normal like everyone else. Surely, she would master everything about magic at Hogwarts, and become the amazing fallen angel she's meant to be. Little did she know, her school year would be more than eventful as she makes great friends, uncovers secrets, and learns what it truly means to be Yohane.” - this is the summary I put on Fanfiction.Net. It speaks from both Yoshiko the Narrator’s perspective, and Yoshiko from the Epilogue’s perspective. It probably sounds confusing but I hope you understand what I mean. So, what’s next? I’ve invested a lot in this world of LLSHP AU already and there are still so many more possibilities, especially with the rather open ending both ch21 and the epilogue presents, so I’m definitely not done with this AU! Since I have the memory of a goldfish, I don’t know if I’ve already mentioned this but the prequel will be told mostly in Mari’s POV. It will have occasional Dia and Kanan POVs too (because I’m a shameless 3yrs-oshi and writer privilege); Rather than taking forever to write and cramping the scenes into a massive interlude chapters, I’ve decided to split it in shorter chapters - this will roughly be a 12-part story that took place before the main story, showcasing segments of the kanadiamari’s first 3 years at Hogwarts.

This prequel is… relatively normal and lighter compared to the main story, meaning it’s more school-oriented and more slice-of-life episodes for the most part (at least, that’s the outline), and much more Professor cameos. There will be more N-card girls to be showcased as well, such as kanadiamari’s Housemates and Quidditch teammates. Overall, it’ll be shiny °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° There will not be a full sequel to the main story. Instead, there will be blips/drabbles about events that happen after the main story, as teased in the Epilogue - the TriWizard Tournament for one XD And, unlike the main story, the ideas for blips in this sequel-timeline are more vague, so I’ll be able to incorporate new content into it (as in, from official content 2017 onward such as proper characterization of Saint Snow).

There are plans for omake/filler fun blips as well - little incidents that happened throughout the main story or, rather, ‘excerpts’ that Hanamaru wrote but didn’t make it to the final version of her book. The first Halloween, more scenes with the Professors, birthdays and so on.

There are also plans for character-exclusive blips as well, similar to an Interlude. For example, DiaRiko’s ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) cough cough.

My tentative plan is to keep going with the prequel, and maybe every few chapter or so I’d write a sequel-timeline blip. I’ll see how my muse and inspiration is in the future, I’m already extremely satisfied that I finished the main story XD And I do want to work on some of my other existing AUs (ie Animus AU and Mafia AU just because I’ve already invested time in creating the concept arts and so I don’t want them to sink into oblivion…) or who knows, there might be new AUs. I mean, pretty much every new SIF set is enough to inspire a brand new AU please allow me a moment to giggle like the trash I am over the DiaRiko UR set *pterodactyl screech*

AHEM. Another thing is illustration/artworks. Since most of my time was spent on writing, there are much fewer artworks than I would’ve liked for this story. I think I mentioned this somewhere that I’d love to have an individual cover art for each chapter alas, no time at all DX I’d like to have at least one illustration per chapter too but OTL I can only pick one and so for this AU I chose writing over drawing. Cry.

Anyway, I’ve rambled long enough and I think I’ve talked about everything I want to get off my chest. If you have any questions/feedback, go ahead and fire’em at me, since I’m now able to answer anything without fear of spoilers now XD (unless your question is about the prequel or things that happen in the sequel-timeline)

Thanks for reading the whole thing and, ofc, staying with me until the end of this story!

#LLSHP AU #athyra rambles #really just athyra blabbering #this thing is almost 3k #at least it's shorter than the Patronus Ramble lmao #but yeah I think that's everything #all that's left are the fun times with the prequel and blips #makings-of #I feel accomplished to have come this far #it really has been an amazing journey #yeah I think that's everything I want to say #it's not like this is the end-end...#prequel and other stuff

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mikosaura · 6 years ago

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INTUITIVE ASTROLOGY: NOVEMBER FULL MOON 2018.

November has brought many planetary shifts and changes. While all these shifts and changes are fruitful and are getting us ready for an action-packed 2019, we may have been feeling a little tense or a little uneasy about what’s ahead. We may be feeling change in the air, but we may not be sure how this change is exactly going to manifest.

2018 has definitely been a year for upgrading ourselves and for peeling back the layers so we can step into a higher consciousness and a higher level of awakening. It has been a stop-and-go type year where we have really been challenged to question and pause before moving ahead.

All of this energy is now coming to a head as we wrap up the end of the year, and we may be feeling a sense of renewal or rebirth creeping in. We may be feeling the merits of our hard work finally paying off.

The Universe will also bring more clarity our way with the November Full Moon on the 23rd-24th. This Full Moon is the first of two Gemini Full Moons, with the next one falling in December.

Together, these Full Moons are going to help bring some clarity to the direction of our lives and will help us to understand a newfound truth about what direction we should be heading in.

The first Gemini Full Moon of November falls at zero degrees Gemini. In numerology, zero represents all possibilities and infinite creative potential. It is the point before the beginning and represents the creative process we take before the idea comes to us.

Zero is the blank canvas before we have decided what it will be, and this is the energy that November’s Full Moon will encompass. In many ways, this Full Moon represents the potential of who we have become and what possibilities lay before us as we wrap up this year and prepare to start a new one.

There is strong illumination energy around this Full Moon too, and it’s likely some new truths are going to come to the surface. These truths may be painful, or they may be hard to swallow at first, but it is necessary for them to be revealed to us now.

These new truths may require us to release and let go of things we once believed to be true, they may also require us to pivot and change our direction.

There may be challenges that arise with this as there are some tense and harsh aspects around this Full Moon, but if you trust what unfolds and keep steady in your heart, you will be guided forward.

Full clarity is more likely at the second Gemini Full Moon in December, however, this upcoming Full Moon will definitely help us to peel back the curtain and light the way forward.

Many years ago, a psychic medium by the name of Elsie Wheeler, sat and channeled the meaning for each degree of the zodiac. She came up with a psychic image that represented what each zodiac degree stood for. These are known as Sabian Symbols.

The Sabian Symbol that Elsie channeled for zero degrees Gemini is “a glass bottom boat reveals undersea wonders.”

If we think about this symbolism for a moment, we can imagine that we have been sailing our ship for the last 11 months, battling waves, enjoying the sun, and charting our course. We may have had theories about what lies beneath us, but all we have been able to see is the dark, murky water below.

Now, all of a sudden, the boat appears to have a glass bottom and we can see straight to the bottom of the ocean. Suddenly a new truth has been revealed, and we are able to see with greater clarity about what has been swimming underneath us this whole time.

This new found revelation allows us to understand where we have come from and where we are heading. It allows us to understand what we have been battling and why our course may have looked the way that it did.

This newfound clarity may also be startling or hard for us to swallow at first. If we had believed one thing, it may be painful to let that belief go now that we have seen the truth.

This is the energy for this Gemini Full Moon, and it is likely we are are going to come to terms with a new truth that may be painful, welcoming, or a little bit of both.

Along with illuminating a new truth, this Full Moon is also going to be encouraging us to work with the energy of Gemini as we wrap up the year. It definitely is no mistake from the Universe to end 2018 with two Gemini Full Moons.

Gemini energy is about duality and is represented by the twins, or the ego and the soul. Gemini represents the light and the dark, the good and the bad. We all have these two sides of us, and they are necessary in order to make it through the world.

We cannot live in this realm without the ego and we cannot live without being connected to our soul. We have to learn to work with the two, and we have to know how to use each of these aspects in order to find our strength and create the life that we desire.

As we peel back the layers and step into a new year, it is going to be important for us to honor where we have come from and where we are heading. It is going to be important for us to acknowledge and give thanks and gratitude to the lessons of both our ego and our soul.

Gemini energy is also very expressive, creative, and communicative. It rules over the hands and may also inspire us to get more “hands-on” with certain areas of our lives.

We can use this energy to advantage by taking the time to journal, talk through issues with a friend, or express ourselves through a creative project.

In fact, if you are feeling heavy or out of sorts under the energy of November’s Full Moon, you may find these practices help to balance and keep you feeling centered.

November’s Full Moon is all about illumination and coming into a newfound sense of self. It is a powerful Full Moon that will help us to wrap up where we have been and to see a new potential before us.

We have been sailing rough seas, but now we see what is beneath us, the colors of the fish, the beautiful shapes of the coral. We see the truth, and we are no longer afraid. This new clarity that has been gifted to us allows us to move forward with strength, with courage, and with a new truth in our hearts.

We have been working hard, but now we see, now we know, and with this, all potential and new possibilities open up to us.

#mikosaura → astrology

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talesmaniac89 · 7 years ago

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The Costume Party

Summary: Dean x Reader - Dean and the reader go on a hunt at a costume party, where Dean has to deal with his jealousy as the guys can’t seem to keep their eyes off the reader.

Triggers: Jealousy

Word Count: 3671

Y/N = Your name ¦ Y/H/C = Your Hair Colour

---

“Remind me again… Why are we doing this?” You asked under your breath, tugging at your costume before reaching out and ringing the doorbell. Your eyes leaving the door to glance over at Dean. His cowboy hat slightly hid those gorgeous green eyes of his as he adjusted his holsters and smiled wryly.

“It’s our job,” He said as he looked up, tipping the cowboy hat towards you with a crooked smile. The gesture making you roll your eyes as you looked from his cowboy costume and down at your own Poison Ivy choice. Damn it, all the damned leaves were tickling your bare arms and honestly you missed your comfy cotton t-shirt. But, it was a costume party. And to fit in you had to dress up. With a sigh you glanced up at the still closed door, waiting for someone in the house to notice the doorbell over the loud thumping music from inside.

“Our unpaid, thankless job you mean?” You said, the sarcasm dripping from your painted lips akin to the poison that was the weapon of choice of your costume character. You loved what you did, you were a hunter - which meant you saved people. But, hell, normally you didn’t have to wear a green corset to do so. “Oh joy…”

“Yeah…. That one,” Dean chuckled as the two of you shared a wry grin, just as the door opened to reveal a man dressed as a typical Hollywood-esque zombie. Shouting over the music to apologise for not hearing the bell as you twisted your smiles to instead just look happy and maybe slightly tipsy before you entered the door into the Halloween party.

Someone within the house had messed with forces they shouldn’t have. All in the spirit of Halloween. Which might be why you had such a bleak view of the holiday. For some stupid reason there was always someone that thought that old creepy book with incantation would make for good party games or, like in this case, thought that old cursed object would be a perfect halloween decoration.

“Damn… What was it we’re looking for?” Dean asked, leaning close and speaking the words directly into your ear to be heard over the music. The close proximity of those full lips and the slightly woody, smoky scent of the hunter sending involuntary sparks of electricity through your body and into your heart. Of course, by the boyish grin was a clear indication of the hunter knowing exactly why you were there as you laughed along with him.

There were masks, everywhere… People wearing them, on the walls, hell, even the decorations had masks on. And it just so happened… The damned cursed item was, you guessed it, a fucking mask.

“I guess we’ll just have to go with the process of elimination,” You said, giving an overacted sigh as you looked around the room, accepting a bottle of beer from Dean as you kept glancing at the already drunk partygoers. The glass bottle was wet and cold in your hand from the already melting ice in the bucket Dean had swiped them from. “I’ll start… We can rule out the horse mask on the dude in the corner,” You added after a grateful smile and a quick sip of beer.

“And the feathery purple mask on the girl on his lap… Unless the demonic masked cwarriors had a flair for the dramatic,” Dean supplied, teasing a small laugh from you as you continued your cursed mask version of where’s Wally whilst walking among the busy crowds at the party.

Sure, it was a hunt, and both of you knew the importance of retrieving the mask. But, hell, it wasn’t as if the mask had killed anyone as of yet. It normally only did so after several days, and never when anyone but its owner was around. You might as well enjoy the little time alone you were getting with your crush in the midst of the loud Halloween crowd. No matter how hard enjoying yourself could be when the crowd around you only seemed to be getting louder and wilder with every new song.

What was it that made people wearing costumes act so strangely? Was it because they got to pretend to be someone else for a while? Hell, if someone had decided to wear the mask and was acting strangely in some way, would you even know in the already drunk crowd?

---

“I think we should split up, we’ll cover more ground that way,” You finally said with a sigh after a preliminary walk-through of the ground floor had yielded little result other than some drunk guy spilling some of his drink on your corset. Yet, no answer came from the older hunter, making you turn around to face him and figure out why he was so strangely quiet all of a sudden after having filled the whole evening with jokes and puns about costumes and masks.

Turning, you caught him glaring in the direction of someone across the room. The sight of his set jaw and burning green irises enough to make every muscle in your body tense. That was the look of a hunter. Meaning, he’d found something. Turning your head in an effort to follow his line of sight you saw nothing out of the ordinary at first glance. Speaking up as you turned back to face him and looked away from the small group of guys gathered by the wall he had been glaring at.

“Did you find it?” You asked, unable to hide your excitement at the prospect of leaving the party behind and finally being able to breath again once the costume and corset came off. But as Dean quickly tore his eyes off of whatever he had been glaring at he shook his head with a sigh.

“No, no sign of it…” He said, his voice still thick with some unidentifiable emotion that sounded suspiciously like anger. “Sorry, did you say something?” The hunter added, his eyes remorseful for his momentary lapse into… Something… You still couldn’t identify the reason for his glare as you looked in the direction of the group that had held his attention before you spoke up.

“Let’s split up. We’ll cover more ground, and once we find it, we can text each other to meet up,” You said, looking back up at the cowboy-clad hunter and repeating your original idea. Already pivoting to take a step in the direction of the kitchen as you expected nothing more than an easy yes from the hunter. After all, it wasn’t that dangerous of a situation. You could deal with the drunkards, and the mask was not a threat until someone was left alone with it.

“No way (Y/N), it ain’t safe,” Dean grumbled, his words stopping you as you looked back at him, raising an eyebrow at the cowboy before making a point of looking around at the drunken masses. “I mean… We don’t know everything about the mask, better we stick together,” He added when he saw your confused look.

You shrugged and started walking together with him through the rooms again. You honestly didn’t see the danger. Not when you could pretty much kick the ass of everyone in the room. But hell, you weren’t gonna complain when his suggestion let you walk side by side and share a laugh with the damned sexy hunter. The perks of the job and all.

---

“Hey there, think I would survive a kiss?” The slurred words came after your second round around the house party. The clearly drunken man dressed as a gladiator took an uneven step towards you as he smiled at his own ‘genius’ pickup line. Clearly a reference to your costume. “I think we should give it a go… For s...psy… science,” He slurred as he stumbled close enough for you to smell the whole brewery off of him.

As you wrinkled your nose in disgust, at both the excessively heavy smell of liquor as well as the awful lines you took a quick step backwards. Readying yourself to turn him down and send him packing. Yet, before you could tell him off, Dean had stepped between you and the drunk Don Juan, blocking him from your view with his broad back straight and tense.

“Dean, it’s not worth it. And gladiator boy, thanks, but no thanks… Go sober off,” You shot out before the two of them would start comparing testosterone levels. Pulling at Dean’s arm, you sighed and rolled your eyes at the clear macho display in front of you as the gladiator and cowboy squared off. “What the hell Dean?” You added with a final tug on Dean’s arm to make him turn to face you again.

“He was being an asshole,” Dean grumbled, the dark look in his eyes not fully having the time to disappear before they met with yours again. His glare softening quickly as he refocused his attention on you instead of the drunken man. “Sorry,” He added sheepishly as you set your eyes on him, giving your best impression of Sam’s bitch glare.

“I could’ve handled him myself Winchester,” You said with a sigh, the worst of your annoyance fading when the hunter threw you a boyish grin.

“I know… You kick ass. Sorry, I guess the case has me acting a bit tense,” Dean said, finally returning to his bright self, though you could tell that he was still wound somewhat tightly. Like he was ready to spring into action at a moment's notice. “Let’s look in the next room,” He added with a quick glance thrown over his shoulder where the gladiator was leaning against the nearby wall, still looking in you direction.

Placing his hand on the small of your back, Dean led the way towards the door and another crowd of party guests, as if he was whisking you away from the spartan. You wanted to stay annoyed, or at least once more push your “I am woman, hear me roar and fucking demolish everything” thoughts, but the proximity of the hunter made that hard.

The heat of his hand on the small of your back thawed the butterflies in your stomach, bringing them back to life as your heart thumped along to the heavy bass of the stereo system. Having Dean Winchester that close was like wrapping your mind in cotton. Only the sound of his voice, the feel of his skin on yours and the waves of safety blanketing you seemed able to break through the chaotic mess in your head.

Over the years you had started falling for him, harder and harder. These hunts that only included the two of you were always the hardest. Usually when Sammy was there, it was easier to keep things platonic. But when it was the two of you… Damn it… You couldn’t even stay annoyed at the adorable bastard. Not when you knew, deep down, that he was only looking out for you in his own clumsy way.

Dean Winchester always felt he had to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. And that included keeping the few people he let in close to his heart safe. Even from perceived dangers. He knew very well that Sam, Cas and you could protect yourself. Yet he always tried being your shield. Never letting you step in front to protect him instead.

Sure, he might be wearing a cowboy costume, but to you Dean always seemed to try to act like a superhero. A knight in jeans and flannel. Giving up everything for those around him. His heart too big to let others carry any of his pain in fear of hurting them. And you loved him for it, albeit silently, though he could sometimes annoy the hell out of you.

Like right that second, you noted. As you watched Dean’s whole body tense up again. His eyes hardening and jaw locked as he wrapped his arm fully around your waist before speaking up over the music towards the man you hadn’t even seen reaching out for you. Damn it, so much for hunting reflexes. Dean’s arm around you had you on cloud nine to such an extent that even a civilian could sneak up on you. The kid seemed to be a few years younger than you and clearly had decided to go the killer clown route in his costume choices and he wasn’t the first one of the night. It was probably a good thing Sammy hadn’t come along.

“She ain’t interested,” Dean barked, before the guy could even speak up. The drunk guy’s eyes widening as they left your corseted cleavage to look at Dean’s arm around your waist instead. His hands shooting up in a sign of surrender as he stepped quickly back, nearly falling over in his two sizes too large clown shoes.

“Sorry dude, didn’t know” The clown said, his words apologetic, though you honestly didn’t need to hide behind Dean to put a kid in a clown costume back in place.

Raising an eyebrow at the annoyed, yet clearly over-protective tone in Dean’s voice you tried to catch his eye from where he was still busy glaring at the clown. Damn, you’d think the drunk civilian was a Rakshasa instead of just a party boy with the added social lubrication of a few drinks too many from the way Dean was looking at him.

Sighing you tugged at Dean’s arm, unwrapping it from your waist before using your hold on his wrist to force the hunter to follow you over to a relatively more quiet part of the party. Keeping silent on your full walk over until you finally pivoted on your heel to turn to face him, letting your (Y/H/C) hair whip around with you for added dramatic effect.

“What’s your problem Winchester?” You said, your voice more tired and annoyed than actually angry as you let go of his wrist to fold your arms across your waist. “You know I can handle myself,”

“I don’t have a problem, they do,” Dean said his voice still deep with some unidentifiable emotion as his green eyes burned like a forest fire. Unlike last time, Dean seemed unable to quickly let go of his annoyance with the drunk man. His words coming out rushed as he continued speaking before you could ask him to clarify. “They think they’re good enough for you. They won’t ever be…”

The hunter caught himself a moment too late. The words were already out as his sentence died down and his eyes widened in shock at what he had just said. If you didn’t know better, it would have sounded to you as if the hunter was jealous. But… That couldn’t be true. Could it?

“Dean… What’s up? You’re not making much sense,” You said, trying to urge the hunter to continue as he cleared his throat, the fight finally leaving him completely.

“Nothing… I mean, I just think you deserve more than some drunk guy hitting at you at a party,” Dean mumbled, his words barely eligible through the chaotic mess of people talking and the loud music of the party. Still, you caught them clearly. “I’m just sayin’... You deserve a good man, one that can make you happy. Not like them, and not a hunter either. Someone real, good, and safe,” He continued, clearly noticing your incredulous look as he kept digging the hole deeper for himself.

Though you found his protective nature endearing at most times, you couldn’t help the annoyance you felt bubbling to the surface. Sure, it wasn’t his fault. He cared for you, as a friend, and he didn’t know how much it hurt to hear him say you deserved someone who wasn’t him. Not when he was all you could think about.

“I deserve to be happy!” Unable to stop yourself you felt your hands curl into fists as you spat out the words. The words seemed to leave you on their own, leaving you powerless to stop them as annoyance turned into a pained anger at his words. “I know I have to give up on you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t wanna be happy!”

“Wha…” Dean’s stunned silent look and the breathless half-question that left him, was enough to make you catch what you’d just said. Your anger-fueled words had basically been a confession of your feelings for the hunter. A shitty confession, but a confession nonetheless… And after you’d managed to keep them hidden for years, misguided protective feelings would be the end of you. Typical.

“Shit…” You groaned, trying to figure out how to explain away your words. To at least keep the hunter as a friend. You knew Dean, you knew how hard things hit him. The guilt for breaking your heart would surely weigh him down and destroy your easy friendship. That fear had kept you quiet for years. What the hell was in the beers at this party? Some kind of fucking truth serum?

“What did you just say?” Dean’s voice was low, but in your panic of trying to find a way to suck the words back in the rest of the world had gone static and quiet. Only your own frantic mind and Dean’s words could break through as you looked for the right words to say. Opening and closing your mouth before deciding to take the cowardly way out and just push it all back down. The hunter’s choice. Don’t deal with the emotions, just push ‘em back down and bury ‘em under enough bodies to make everyone forget you even had a heart.

“Look, just forget it. Let’s find that damned mask,” You said with a sigh as you turned to run away from the conversation you honestly didn’t think you could ever have. Not without your heart suffering the consequences. And hell, even if you had to have it. You definitely didn’t want to have it at a drunken house party surrounded by people dressed in costumes who were busy taking part in some seasonal mating dance. With a cursed mask on the premises as the cherry on top.

“No, I’m not gonna forget it and that mask ain’t going anywhere,” Dean said, his voice taking on a nearly panicked tone as he reached out and stopped you from running away from your own mess. “What did you say (Y/N)?”

“Dean…” You hesitated, unwilling to look up at him as you instead focused on his cowboy boots. Your mouth dry and throat burning as you tried to figure out what you should say. Should you come clean? Tell him you’d loved him for years. How standing shoulder to shoulder with him through several apocalypses, as a hunter had made you fall harder for him than you ever thought possible? What would happen then? Would you have to leave the bunker?

“Please, please tell me I didn’t hear you wrong,” Dean’s voice nearly broke over the words when you didn’t speak up. The pleading, nearly sorrowful tone to his voice making you finally look back up where green eyes were watching you carefully. A small hopeful light brightening them, though you could see that hope wavering more for every second you kept quiet. ”Look, (Y/N), I admit it… I’ve been a jealous bastard all night. It’s just… You look so gorgeous, and I mean… I’ve loved you for years. And I’ve never worked up the courage to say anything. Yet these guys think they can just…” Dean was rambling. You knew it, he knew it… And as his voice finally died down with a sigh you couldn’t help yourself. Smiling at the adorable dork of a hunter in front of you.

“Took you long enough Winchester,” You said with a laugh, reaching up before the last hope in his eyes was extinguished and pulling at the lapels of his black shift as you lifted yourself up to give the man a soft kiss in lieu of an answer. “You didn’t hear me wrong,” You mumbled against his lips, your own smile brightening as you felt Dean’s full lips spread into a happy smile before his arms wrapped around you and deepened your kiss with a hungry need.

“Should’ve dressed as batman,” Dean mumbled once you parted to breathe as his arms still held you close. Though his tone was light and joking you could feel his heavy heartbeat matching yours and the small quiver of nervous elation in his voice. “Then we would’ve matched,”

“Nah… I like the cowboy costume,” You laughed, giving him a quick peck on the lips before making a show of pulling slightly away from him to give him an appreciative once over. Damn, the man really could pull off the cowboy look. “You look good,”

“Yeah?” Dean gave you a boyish grin and tipped his hat. The last of the slight worry and pain in his eyes gone after your whispered confessions to each other during your desperate kisses. Finally the hunter was back to the man you loved, his green eyes warm and bright like a summer’s day as he lifted his eyebrows in a show of hiding his own bashfulness.

“Yeah, y’know what they say…” You said, letting your words die out with a teasing grin as you waited for the hunter to take the bait. Which he oh so willingly did.

“What?” He asked, once more pulling you closer, as if he couldn’t bear to be away from you anymore.

“Save a horse… Ride a cowboy,” You said, holding back your own laugh until Dean’s surprised half cough, half laugh pulled you along with it as it vibrated from his chest and into your body.

“That can be arranged,” He chuckled, lifting your head by your chin before cutting short your bubbling laughter with another mind-numbingly soft kiss.

Sure, it was a thankless, unpaid job… But it sure as hell had it’s benefits.

---

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marrincostello · 4 years ago

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Local Business Marketing in Uncertain Times : Social Media Examiner

Wondering how to stay top-of-mind with your customers, even if you aren’t open? Looking for new, creative ways to continue to show up for them?

To explore how local businesses can market during uncertain times, I interview Bruce Irving on the Social Media Marketing Podcast.

Bruce is a local business marketing pro. He’s the host of The Local Business Podcast and the Smart Pizza Marketing Podcast.

You’ll discover how four local businesses are staying top-of-mind with their customers right now, and learn how to encourage your customers to return to your shop when the time is right.

Listen to the Podcast Now

This article is sourced from the Social Media Marketing Podcast, a top marketing podcast. Listen or subscribe below.

Scroll to the end of the article for links to important resources mentioned in this episode.

Note: This was recorded in the middle of April 2020, during the COVID-19 global pandemic—and we suspect some of the stay-at-home and social-distancing limitations will still be in place for a while.

The truth of the matter is that as of today, customers are afraid. Many of them don’t want to visit any local businesses, especially those where people gather closely together. As marketers and business owners, it’s up to us to stay top-of-mind and communicate with our customers throughout this time. Doing this ensures that they’ll still be there for us when life returns to normal.

What to Do First

Bruce feels the first few things businesses have to do right now is not to bury their heads in the sand or focus on the negatives of the situation. Take a proactive approach. Show up every single day and reassure your customers that you’re still around and that you’re going to be around when this is over. Notify and educate them on whatever changes you’re making in your business to adapt to the current circumstances.

Who knows how long this is going to last? And who knows what the “new normal” is going to look like when we do get out of this? A lot of local businesses out there are going to be completely different. Many businesses aren’t ever going to be able to go back to the way they were before this happened. Start thinking about your plan for the future, and then talk to your customers about that plan moving forward.

Look at the systems you have in place in your business. You have time now. You may not be open and all of those little things—maybe that system you wanted to put in place or those photos or videos you really wanted to set up—can be implemented now while you have that extra time.

Customers have short attention spans. When you close down—if you’re not showing up for them—they’re going to forget about you when they resume their regular lives.

Creative Ways to Stay Top-of-Mind

Bruce says now is the time to double down on content. Don’t be one of those companies that’s afraid to market right now. Be on point with your message, show up consistently, and double down on your message on the platforms where you hang out. You don’t want the next 6 weeks to go by without you showing up at all, and then all of a sudden, you reappear when everything’s back open. You need to be consistently showing up every single day.

Think about a content marketing plan. To visualize this, you could start a podcast and take your expertise on the air. You could start writing articles for local publications in your community to provide some free value or perhaps you might start your own blog.

Bruce recommends coming up with some sort of daily or weekly show on Facebook, Instagram, or any other platform. Use the show to talk to your customers about what you’re doing in your business, and to educate them. Be honest with them. Show them the processes and systems you’re putting in place. When they’re able to come back into your restaurant or business, they’ve seen you in the interim. You’re still familiar and they haven’t forgotten about you.

You don’t necessarily have to go live but Bruce prefers live video over pre-recorded. When people record a video, they tend to overanalyze it and delete it a thousand times before they put it out. Done is better than perfect.

When you do something, you’re going to stink at it in the beginning and you need to be okay with that. If you do it consistently over time, you will increasingly improve. When you do a live show, you just need to go and do it. There may not be many viewers. More people will come and they’ll see that improvement.

Show people how you make your products and what you serve. Bruce noticed that Disney recently started releasing recipes for the products and snacks they serve at Disneyland such as churros, Dole Whips, and Tonga Toast. They released social media videos and recipe guides so you can recreate those classics in your own home since no one can go to Disney theme parks right now. Any restaurant can take that example and run with it.

People are stuck in their homes, and as much as they may love cooking, they’re getting sick of the same old recipes every single night. They want to know what else they can make. They want to know how they can make that restaurant’s famous sandwiches at home. You can show a video of you doing that.

Or you can have a Tuesday-night online cooking class where people can learn something new that they can make with their families and enjoy. Then they’re going to show up, they’re going to try to recreate that recipe at home, and they’re going to come back for the next one if they were successful.

To illustrate, Bruce’s friend Mike owns the Tony Boloney’s pizza chain in New Jersey. Mike started doing a cooking class live on Instagram every Sunday. He demonstrates how to make things like stromboli, fresh mozzarella, and pizza, and he sells kits to go along with whatever he’s demonstrating.

All during the week leading up to his Sunday night live at 5:00 PM, Mike posts on social media about the kits people will need for that live video. People direct-message him and he sells them the product kits. Then every Sunday at 5:00 PM, he’s going live showing the process of making that item. Mike does the videos from his house and he involves his two very young sons in the process, which is often funny and really helps to humanize him.

9Tailors is a suit and clothing tailoring shop that has pivoted recently to making protective masks. In many areas, if you go outside or to any public place, a mask is mandatory. 9Tailors is creating cloth masks for people to purchase that look cool and are designed really well.

They’re making something different that they know is in high demand using the resources they already have at their disposal. That’s not a business model that can be used long-term but it’s a good quick pivot to keep that business going.

ZaRonis Pizzeria in Oshkosh, Wisconsin is a superhero-themed restaurant. For the last 5 months, even before this pandemic, they posted special offers in a private Facebook group for their community, almost like a VIP club. They also helped people out. If someone fell on hard times, ZaRonis supplied them with a meal. It turned into a huge group for the area, boasting nearly 7,000 members.

As soon as this whole catastrophe hit, that Facebook group completely supported this business and helped them out because ZaRonis had already been doing that for their community for the past 4 or 5 months. Now they’re creating packages for people in need in the area, including little meal kits.

They’re asking their distributors for additional items and packaging them together to donate to people who need food and help right now. The owner appeared on TV, which then led to monetary donations to help keep those kits coming. ZaRonis provided a service to the community in a Facebook group and the community decided to pay them back. It’s amazing press and when ZaRonis opens back up, there are going to be a lot of happy, loyal customers coming in.

Roger Wakefield is a plumber in Texas. He shares everything on YouTube and LinkedIn, demonstrating things like what to do if your toilet gets clogged or how to fix the sewer pipes to your house. He’s got around 30,000 subscribers on YouTube and he still gets local business as a plumber.

Bruce points out that in this industry, you want customers and you want employees. Likewise, Roger’s YouTube videos not only get him customers from his local area, they also bring people to him who are interested in becoming plumbers. Roger has people asking him, “Hey Roger, can I work for you? Because I see your videos all the time and I want to learn how to be a plumber.”

Become the Social Media Marketing Rockstar for Your Business

Meet your secret team that makes you look like a social media genius and empowers you to embrace change! We’re a genuine community of marketers from your friends at Social Media Examiner. And we’re here to support you. Think of us as your career insurance policy. We keep you focused on what matters. We make sure you won’t be left behind as the changes keep coming. Join the Social Media Marketing Society. Get access to monthly online training, expert support, and a thriving community of marketers who will empower you to succeed.

He has the best of both worlds. He’s getting customers and he’s getting the hardest thing of all—employees who want to become plumbers.

Staying in Touch via Email

What took most local businesses by surprise is that nobody could have anticipated a full stop. A lot of these businesses probably now wish they had email addresses so they could communicate more directly with their customers.

Bruce is a big advocate of email because social media platforms can change but your email list is the one thing you own. We’ve heard it all before but now it’s more important than ever because no matter what happens on these other platforms, you can still communicate via email with your customers.

Bruce’s clients are restaurant owners and they sell a lot through online ordering. When someone orders online, they have to enter their email address. Come up with some sort of strategy to incentivize your customers to give you their email. Give them a coupon code or a deal, have a special event, or do something that happens every time they order online from you. Come up with a good online-only deal so you can capture their email and communicate with them in the future.

Local businesses could go really far by taking a page out of the online business playbook. Bruce notes that a lot of online businesses offer free reports and eBooks. Similarly, you could put together a cooking guide or a video series in exchange for an email address. Another way of doing it is to offer an on-the-spot discount if customers are willing to give you their email address. Maybe you could even set up a frequent-diner program.

Digital copies of receipts are also a great way to get emails. A person who’s taking credit card information over the phone, for instance, can ask for the customer’s email address so they can send that digital receipt.

A lot of restaurants use Square as their point-of-sale system, which remembers customer information. Customers put their card in and Square recognizes them in the system and has all of their information saved. Square just emails them the receipt without them having to do anything. Most of these systems allow integrations with email management systems so you can either export or integrate it to send promotions or content.

Messenger bots are another great way to collect people’s contact information. You can run ads—connected to a tool like ManyChat—that send out a discount. It could be sent to people who have connected with you on social, visited your website, or watched one of your videos. The ad is based on one of those actions.

You can create and send a message that says, “Hey, we saw that you were on this page looking at this item. Would you like a 10% discount? Just click this button or type a comment below to get the coupon code.” That triggers the bot to collect their email address, their phone number, and their name. Then it distributes the coupon through Facebook Messenger.

Diversifying Offerings and Delivery Methods

A lot of businesses, especially local businesses, are now wishing they had an online offering to turn to because they’re so reliant on the physical location. Today, the drop in sales is motivated by COVID-19. Tomorrow, it could be because a big employer moves out of town and a bunch of jobs are lost or because a train terminal shuts down and there’s not as much foot traffic. There are so many scenarios that can happen.

The good news—if there is any—is that if your business is closed, probably everybody else who sells similar products is closed, too. It’s not like the guy across the street is open and thriving and you’re closed. So here’s your opportunity to do the thing that you’ve always wanted to do. If you’ve always wanted to transition your business to online, get going with it. There’s an opportunity now to do that.

A lot of people don’t understand how big online restaurant delivery is. It’s huge. There are three billion-dollar companies—Uber Eats, DoorDash, and GrubHub. All they do is service online restaurant orders. They create ghost kitchens, get people to order using SEO from a website that they direct people to, then send the order off to the restaurant, and go pick it up. You can do all of that yourself.

You have to have the patience and time and put in the work, but all of that can be done on your own. Create a website, tell people that the website exists, and create content pushing people to that website. You can do all of that now. If you’re closed, you have time to do that.

Some of these restaurants might not even have a physical walk-in location—they’re just doing online orders. Bruce knows five restaurants that don’t even have a location that you can pick up from or walk into—they’re 100% digital ghost kitchens.

Bruce’s friend Ric Gruber has a pizzeria in Chicago. He uses GrubHub and Uber Eats as a way to create new restaurants based out of his existing restaurant.

To visualize this, Ric went to GrubHub and Uber Eats and created a salad company. Why? Because he noticed that while he has great salads, his restaurant wasn’t coming up in search on GrubHub for salads because they’re labeled as a pizza restaurant. So he created Ric’s Salads, and it’s just a website where people can order his salads on GrubHub.

Happily, it comes up in the top three of local searches for salads. It emails him at his pizzeria as Ric’s Salads but he makes them from Ric’s Pizza. It’s almost like a business within a business. He also does that to validate products. When he wants to test some products out, he’ll do it on Ric’s Salads because if Ric’s Salads goes out of business, he doesn’t really care.

Some food businesses want to expand beyond their local radius. Bruce realizes there’s a big movement for frozen products now, especially in the restaurant space. People are trying to figure out how to create their items and freeze them for delivery. Businesses have the time to figure things like that out right now.

If you’re a national company, you probably already have some sort of online platform. Domino’s is one of the best digital companies out there; they just happen to serve pizza. Their pizzas aren’t great—there’s probably a hundred pizzerias in your area that are better than Domino’s—and yet they sell more pizza than those others because they dominate digital.

They know what you’re going to order because you’ve ordered from them before and they know what time you order, so they send you emails based on triggers from your past experiences there and they follow you online. They are a digital company that happens to sell pizza.

Encouraging People to Come Back In (When They Can)

Before the restrictions are even lifted, Bruce says to take a look at your business and how you’re making money. If you’re a business that’s closed right now because you can’t have customers come to you, look at your business model and figure out how you can prevent this from happening in the future.

Can you sell online? Can you sell courses or tutorial videos that you can monetize so you have multiple streams of income? When this is over, if there’s a second wave of the virus or if something else happens, make sure you’re not caught like you are now and completely closed with no revenue.

Different people are taking different levels of precaution so some people won’t be ready to return to restaurants for a little while longer. Even when everything opens back up again, we’ll probably avoid being around large crowds for another 6–12 months.

That 6- to 10-foot buffer zone between people is probably going to be the new normal for a long time. It’ll be really important for businesses to use social media to convey the sanitizing precautions that they’re taking to make sure that their physical business is safe for people to come into.

A lot of companies weren’t quick to adapt. They thought their businesses would be fine and they didn’t need to get their message out on Instagram. A lot of those businesses are really hurting. Nobody’s calling to say, “Hey, can I ask you a couple of questions about your business? Are you wearing gloves? Do you have masks on? How do I order from you?” That’s not what happens.

People go to Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter and look up these businesses to see what they’re doing. Those businesses that were slow to adapt to social media are now scrambling to get on there and show the safety steps they’re taking. The businesses that have been on social media for a while and already have that in place are the ones that people trust more right now.

Key Takeaways from This Episode:

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teamevilwinter-blog · 7 years ago

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Luna ( A Winter Soldier Story) Part 12

Pairing: Bucky x OC(Luna)

Summary: Character is a super soldier who escaped Hydra after S.H.E.I.L.D fell. As she recounts her past she finds herself in New York City seeking out a certain soldier who is the only one who can help her find peace within herself. This chapter is the conclusion to the series.

Word Count: 2,130

A/N: I am so relieved to finally have this out. I havent updated in literally forever!! Enjoy!

Catch up here: Luna Masterlist

~ Part 11 ~

Bucky’s POV

“How could this have happened!?! I thought she was under security!!” I shouted at Stark as Steve attempted to pull me back by the arm. I knew it was wrong to be directing all my anger at Stark, especially after all he had done to save Luna in the first place.

Stark was quick to retort, “I am not the one who should be at blame here! You were the last person to see her before she left. So let me ask you this Barnes. What the hell happened?”

Steve stepped in between us putting an end to the argument, “This is not the time to be throwing around accusations! We have to focus on the matter at hand. Which is that Luna is gone.”

“Ran away, seems more fitting.” All heads turned to the figure leaning against the doorway. It was Romanoff, just come back from security central. “I obtained the security footage from the past few hours. While Luna may have disabled the alarms, she left the cameras alone.”

The red head made her way over to a monitor and synced up her tablet to show us the footage. The first clip was of the hallway just outside this room. The guard was there, this time standing tall and alert. Moments passed and the door creeped open a crack. Something was thrown into the hallway, catching the guards attention. By the time he turned back, it was too late. Luna had used the distraction to her advantage and swung a solid hit to his jaw. The guard stumbled and then Luna swiped at his face, leaving a nasty cut above his eye.

“What did she use to cut him?” Stark asked, clearly as stunned as the rest of us.

“Most crucial tip of any assassin: anything can be used as weapon. By the looks of it this room has no shortage of possible ideas.” Natasha replied, her arm gesturing to the multiple items in the room.

The next several clips showed Luna taking out guard after guard expertly until she finally made it to security central. According to Stark, the whole reason the alarms didnt go off when she left the tower was because Luna hacked into the system and shut it down.

“We underestimated her.” Steve said what we were all thinking.

Natasha nodded her head in agreement. “Not to mention she just had surgery. If she can take out this entire tower’s security while still in recovery, imagine her potential when she’s in full health.”

“Like you said she’s an assassin-” Stark added.

“- Ex-assassin…. Don’t forget she’s no longer Hydra.” My voice was clipped and no doubt my expression matched.

Stark threw me a look of pure venom before continuing. “Like I was saying, Luna is an ex-assassin who just perfectly demonstrated she had the ability to leave this tower any time she wanted. But she didn’t because she had no reason to. Now that she’s gone I wonder what her reason was.”

Even though Stark didnt directly look at me while saying it, it was evident he knew something was up.

Steve cleared his throat interrupting the thickening silence. “Buck, you mentioned a note when we first got here. That’s how you knew she was gone?”

“Yeah, I um, found it in a book in her room. I was only there because I couldn’t sleep and found it…comforting.” I tried my hardest to make it sound as normal as possible. Like any guy would just enter a girls room and rifle through their reading selections. Gosh that was real smooth.

I took the slip out my pocket, unfolded it and read the words that had initially made my heart stop:

To whom it may concern,

I’m sorry that I’ve left so abruptly. I couldn’t stand another second in that room or in this tower. I don’t wish for my departure to seem like I’m ungrateful for all that everyone has done for me. You’ve given me my life back and I will forever be thankful.

However in the process, some things have��arisen that I must deal with on my own. There is no telling how long I will be gone but I assure you I will return to repay the debt that I so heavily owe.

Thank you all again. And farewell....

Luna

“’Some things have arisen’? What does she mean by that?” Natasha looked at the others in confusion.

“Barnes?” I could feel Stark’s eyes boring into the side of my head.

I sighed. Might as well just say it. “The Winter Soldier…killed Luna’s parents. A fact she became aware of when she experienced repressed memories during her surgery” I faced Stark and looked him dead on. “So technically your right. It is my fault. And so are a million other things. None of which I could control. This included. When I came to talk to her this evening she was….inconsolable. Nothing I said or did made anything better. So maybe I’m insane for saying this but…I think she did the right thing.”

Stark failed to mask his astoundment,”Are you insane?”

“He’s right” Natasha stepped in before Stark could continue. “ Those tapes proved she can hold her own just fine. Not to mention she was already living alone for four years prior to coming here. With that aside, we have to consider her emotional state right now. A sudden onset of traumatic memories right after you’ve woken up from brain surgery is a lot. More than even she could handle. We all have our ways of coping. My guess is she didnt leave the city. Just went somewhere where she feels most at peace. To help her get through this.”

“Oh my gosh.” I whispered.

“What?” Steve stepped towards me.

I help up the slip. “Theres a part of the note I didnt read to you. I thought it was just a rhyme that she wrote but I think its a clue. ‘The only place I feel free, amongst the stars I will be.’ Does New York City have an observatory of some sort?”

“The closest is Staten Island. Which is way too far.”

“Ok then….whats the tallest building in NYC?” I was starting to figure out where she might have gone.

“One World Trade Center. Access to the roof is restricted but it has an observatory deck.” Natasha replied.

“Thats it. I know she’s there.” I was out the door before anyone could question it. I heard Steve called out after me but my mind was already made.

By the time I made it to the center it was just shy of 9 in the morning. I had opted to walk the whole way through the night using the time to think about what I would say once I found her. After buying a ticket I made my way to the observatory deck, as always keeping a low profile.

I was surprised at the amount of people, considering how early it was. I searched the crowd looking out for that raven-haired bun I always saw on her. I walked over to the edge of the room passing a few couples and families with some rowdy kids.

I peered out of the floor to ceiling windows, tilting my head to the sky. Even though the stars had disappeared hours ago I still felt a strange closeness to it all. A sudden movement caught my right eye and I pivoted to look. Thats when I saw it. A streak of dark tresses piled high ontop of a head and flash of tan skin as the body moved swiftly back into the crowd.

I took after her, delving between tourists and guides. I caught her just as she was about to enter the elevator to go down. “Luna!”

The figure turned and thats when my hopes shattered. The girl, a complete and utter stranger, gave a look of bewilderment as she shook my arm away. “Hey! Can I help you sir?”

“Uh, no. No I’m so sorry I thought you were someone else.” I stuttered out the apology. The girl gave me one last baffled look before stepping away into the elevator.

I returned to the windows, more frustrated than ever. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe she was never here at all. There was a couple not too far away from where I stood, silently admiring the horizon. What caught my attention wasn’t the unusual distance between them, but the girl herself. Or rather her hair.

Usually I don’t take notice to stuff like that. But this was an exception. It cascaded down her back in loose curls stopping just above her waist. I felt weird staring but something about it just didn't seem right. The guy beside her walked away revealing her face to me.

I dared to sneak a glance and when I did I just about fell over. Luna didn't look surprised to see me, she just looked...exhausted. I saw her breathe in deeply but she made no move to walk over. So I did instead.

Just as I came within earshot she started to talk, "James, I have to apol–"

Before I could think about what I was doing I pulled her close to me and met my lips with hers. She tensed and that's when I realized I made a mistake kissing her. I was ready to pull away but then her hand found the back of my neck and she relaxed into the kiss.

My own hands migrated from her waist up to the base of her hair. My god this hair. Why on earth would she keep it up? It transformed her. So much so that I didn’t recognize her when I was initially passed her.

The kiss grew deep as we disregarded our surroundings and focused soley on the two of us.

“Hey you two! Get a room will ya?” A brutish voice yell from behind us. That seemed to snap us out of it as we broke apart. Luna was just as breathless as I. Her hand fell from my neck giving me the chance to grab it and guide her away to somewhere with less people.

Luckily I found a small alcove away from the mass. I checked behind my shoulder out of habit. Then turned back to be met with those bright eyes of her.

“James-” I raised my hand to stop her.

“Luna, I knew what you were gonna say and it is not necessary to apologize.” My hands came to rest lightly on her shoulders.

She gazed at me in confusion. “How can you say that? I practically threw a tantrum right in your face! I yelled and cried and didnt even give you a single chance to explain yourself!”

“I know. And initially I was incredibly upset that you did that. But then I considered the circumstances. I sorta know what it feels like to wake up from a surgery with your whole life changed.”

Luna glanced down at my left arm as I saw her visibly gulp. “James....as much as you don't want me to say it, I have to take responsibility for my actions. I probably caused quite the scene back at the tower.”

I couldn't help but scoff slightly. “Yeah, you could say that.”

Luna’s expression hinted at guilt. “Is anyone seriously hurt?”

“Not seriously. Some of those guards may be walking around for awhile with some nasty bruises but they’ll be fine. I have to say though, what you pulled off was pretty impressive despite the circumstances.”

She sighed, looking off in the direction of the masses. “I completely regret it. I wasn't thinking straight y’know? Just needed to get out of there. Now I doubt Tony will ever let me in the Tower again.”

That caught me off guard. “Your saying you would return??”

Luna leaned against the alcove, crossing her arms. “Well of course but I’ve kinda ruined my chances now.”

I chuckled softly at that. “Your crazy if you think Stark would kick you out of the tower. I mean yeah the guy has got issues, but he isn't cold-hearted. Besides everyone is sorta getting used to having you around. And with talents like yours maybe some day you could be an agent.”

She looked up at me with hope in her eyes “You really believe that?”

I stepped towards her, closing the gap between us. “Of course I do.”

Luna looked down for a moment and when she came back up I noticed a glimmering in her eyes. I wrapped her in a hug as she began to cry.

Through the quiet sobs, I heard her tearful words.

“Thank you Bucky. Without you I wouldn't have gotten my life back. Without you I would have ceased to be Luna. Thank you.”

MMMMMMM The end? Not so fast. there is a very cute epilogue heading your way!

Tags: @nodramaaloud @peony13 @chipilerendi

#bucky x reader #bucky x oc #bucky imagine #bucky fanfic #Bucky Barnes #the winter soldier

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lovehaswonangelnumbers · 6 years ago

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New Post has been published on https://lovehaswonangelnumbers.org/lovehaswon-astrology-updatemarch-2019-dramatic-shakeups/

LoveHasWon Astrology Update~March 2019: Dramatic Shakeups

By Archeia Aurora of the First Contact Ground Crew Team

February was a high energetic month with high spikes of energy that brought massive transformation, purging and cleansing. This was to prepare us for the intense energies of March which will bring us even more expansion and into our highest alignment.

The planets have been setting us up to be able to embody more and more light. February was all about cleansing. Everything that was toxic to our souls was coming up to be released and many experiences severe purging and flu like symptoms. Our bodies and auric fields needed to be pure so that we could adjust to the high energies of March, where there will be a enormous influx of light.

Mother of All Creation has cleared all lower 3D and 4D timelines so that only the highest timeline now exists. Those choosing the lower will begin to feel lost, confused, and panicked as they can no longer access these timelines; there is nothing there. You must embody love now and choose the higher timeline or you will have no where to go, you will be dissolved.

Part of this process during March is massive shakeups. Everything that is false will quickly begin to be stripped away or completely destroyed. This will cause panic amongst those living in the mind as they continue to try an cling onto the old paradigm. LET GO. We must jump into the river of oneness and begin to flow with it and stop hanging onto the sides in resistance. March will pour so much light into our atmosphere that anything that is not love will be blasted away.

On March 3rd we have the 333 portal, as it is the 3rd day of the 3rd month in a 3 numerology year. 333 is a powerful master number in numerology that represents balance, the trinity, and creation energy. This will be a pivotal moment in the transformation of the collective consciousness as the energies of love and joy and balanced harmonics sweep our planet.

On March 5th, Mercury goes retrograde in Pisces. We have not had any retrograde planets in 2 months so this will be a shakeup. When all planets are direct the energy flies forward with momentum and does not stop. When planets begin retrograding it halts the pace a bit, as we have to go back and reflect on what we’ve learned and been through so far. Mercury in Pisces rules our imaginations, our intuitiveness, compassion, and spiritual gifts. Pisces is the oneness energy and Mercury is our communication. We have been through alot of growth and expansion in the way we connect with the universe and tapping into the collective consciousness. We have to now go internal and see where we still have fantasy or illusion to dissolve within us that keeps us in separation. Much will be revealed regarding how humanity continues to brainwashed and believing in complete illusions.

The following day we have two huge energetic events- a New Moon in Pisces and Uranus entering Taurus. This New Moon in Pisces will begin us on a new path of unity and spirituality. Pisces feels connection to all and connects with the etheric and brings it into the physical. We are learning how to anchor in our true essences and embody them in every moment. This will be a huge wave of energy that assists us in doing that.

On the same day, Uranus, the planet of chaos and surprises, enters Taurus. Uranus briefly moved into Taurus in May of 2018 after spending 7 years in Aries. A few months later it retrograded back into Aries as we sill had lessons to finish. Whenever an outer planet like Uranus changes signs it creates sudden and massive change. Taurus rules the financial system, the planet, and material possessions. Taurus is our physical experience. Uranus is here to shakeup the false belief systems that have plagued us. The illusionary financial system and attachment to possessions will get a massive reality check, while the physical planet will also begin purging her density again.

On March 20th we have the final Super Full Moon in Libra which culminates the final release of all illusionary 3D programming around love and relationships. Libra rules our relationships with others and our self value. We are transitioning into divine unions and all lower dysfunctional dynamics and belief systems must be cleared. This will be a powerful release that will lead us into Aries season.

The following day, the Sun enters Aries, the sign of the self. Aries and Libra are opposites, as Aries is our core essence and identity of who we are and Libra is the sign of the other. We are all mirrors for one another and the divine blue print of the twin flames and divine unions are love mirroring love.

As the Sun enters Aries we have the Spring Equinox. This Equinox has been talked about by many channelers as a huge culmination point. Equinoxes are a huge portal days that allow for large jumps in the collective consciousness.

March is set to be the month of intense shakeups and huge influxes of light. The amount of love frequency that will be sweeping the planet one Mother and Father complete their transfiguration event will be unprecedented. Their union will trickle down to the collective, as divine unions begin to come online. Here we go, home into the light.

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valamerys · 8 years ago

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nessian bedsharing part 1/2

“If you don’t stop smirking at me, if you snore, or if I feel so much as an Illyrian *toe* end up on my side of the bed, I will push you right out,” Nesta warns him.

ao3

Nesta takes one look at the room and pivots to glare at Cassian.

“I had nothing to do with this,” he says quickly, hands up in self-defense. “I asked for two, and when they said they only had one room left, I assumed they meant only one room with two.”

The single, solitary bed in this crappy inn room sits there innocuously. Mocking her.

“I’ll find somewhere else to stay, then,” she bites out.

“There’s no other inns around for miles, Nes,” Cassian says placatingly. “Believe me, we wouldn’t be staying in this craphole if there were.”

Nesta clenches her jaw in his direction. “Then I’ll find some strapping wealthy man to seduce and stay in his bed for the night.” This is a ridiculous threat, at almost midnight when it’s freezing cold out and they’re stuck in an outpost in the middle of nowhere consisting of an inn, a brothel, and a bar, but Nesta’s exhausted and she’s mad that now the possibility of literally sleeping with Cassian is something she has to deal with.

Cassian cocks his head at her, lips tugging upwards playfully. “It just so happens that I’m a strapping, wealthy man very open to seduction. And I’m paying for this room, so technically it is my bed.“

Nesta feels every murderous instinct in her sharpen to a wicked point.

“Oh, well,” she says, dripping with sarcastic sultriness. She drops her bag, begins to unbutton the top layer of her leathers, slinking towards him. “When you put it like that…”

Cassian’s joking demeanor evaporates instantly; the mood of the room shifts on a dime. She stops a hair away from him, close enough that she can feel his breath on her lips. He must know she’s playing with him, but the big idiot is affected anyway like he always is, lips parted, eyes locked on her like he’s either going to devour her whole or fall to his knees.

Even now, when she’s pissed off and tired, there’s something that makes her feel alive in this game of theirs, their unique ability to get under each other’s skin. Nesta lets her eyes drag over his lips, flicker once demurely to his eyes before she pushes herself up on her tiptoes. Her lips brush his jaw calculatedly before whispering, “You’re sleeping on the floor.”

She draws back with the smuggest glare she can muster to hammer home the point before sweeping away from him, grabbing her bag, and heading for the bathroom down the hall. It’s hard to tell through what he’s wearing, but she’s pretty sure she leaves the commander of the Illyrian armies with a hard-on.

————

Nesta pads back to their room feeling how absurdly cold the wooden floor is under her feet, even through woolen socks. The air is an alright temperature—magically, probably—but Nesta’s not risking anything, wearing thick leggings and a long-sleeved shirt to bed.

When she gets back, Cassian has already changed into something similar, and is arranging a blanket and a pillow on the floor near the foot of the bed.

He glances up at her as she enters. “Actually, as far as floors I’ve slept on, this one is reasonably soft,” he offers with a little smile.

It’s meant to be a truce of sorts, but instead it just pokes a tiny, painful hole in Nesta’s animosity. It takes her a moment to place that its because she’s reminded of how often he’s had to sleep on the floor—or the ground—in his life.

She tries to shake it off. “Good,” she says automatically, with a biting, deliberate undertone of I don’t care.

The bed creaks miserably in protest as she gets into it, and it smells faintly of mildew. It might be big enough for two humans, or high fae, but there’s not much in the way of wing space. Just as well Cassian is on the floor, she thinks, seizing on the thought to fight the guilt that suddenly nips at her. Nesta stares up at the ceiling, bargaining with the sensation, resolutely refusing to feel bad for Cassian. He’s spent 500 years as a soldier in brutal conditions, surely he doesn’t really mind. This bed is sort of crappy anyway, he’s not missing much. But the floor’s so cold…

Cassian gets up to extinguish the faelight near the door, and to give her a cheeky look as he does, like he somehow knows she’s having feelings. “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

The nickname bring’s Nesta’s scowl back. “Goodnight, prick.”

He chuckles into the sudden darkness, and Nesta listens to the groaning of the wood and the sound of rustling wings as Cassian lays down and attempts to get comfortable.

He’s the one who wanted to take this trip, he’s the one who chose to stop in this shitty excuse for a town with an inexplicably full inn. She will absolutely not feel bad for him.

Except that she does, and the gnawing at her conscience won’t let her sleep, as three minutes pass and then five and then ten and she’s so tired her eyes ache. Cassian lets out the faintest grunt as he attempts to adjust himself comfortably and Nesta gives up, cursing every known higher power who might possibly be responsible for landing them in this situation.

A pillow lands squarely on Cassian’s face, and he removes it to see Nesta glowering down at him from the foot of the bed.

“Get up here.”

“What?”

“It’s fucking cold down there so get in the damn bed, commander, before I change my mind.”

A big, dumb grin cracks Cassian’s big, dumb face as he gets up. “So Nesta Archeron doesn’t have a heart of stone after all.”

“Shut up and go to sleep,” Nesta says darkly, retreating decisively to what is now her half of the space as he clambers into bed with her, the mattress creaking loudly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.” Cassian throws the blanket he’d had on the floor over the both of them, still smiling like an idiot at her, and Nesta already regrets this. “We can’t ruin your reputation for being an ice princess.”

“If you don’t stop smirking at me, if you snore, or if I feel so much as an Illyrian toe end up on my side of the bed, I will push you right out,” Nesta warns him. Cauldron, he’s a furnace, she can feel his body heat even across the distance between them and she firmly ignores the instinct to move closer, to breathe in his scent, as achingly welcome as it is among these gross-smelling sheets.

He looks at her with fake alarm while adjusting his pillow. “What if I get cold and you have to cuddle me to keep me from freezing to death?”

“Then you’ll die,” Nesta snaps at him, rolling over so she doesn’t have to look at the way the muscles of his broad shoulders work as he settles in, “And I’ll be rid of a gigantic nuisance.”

Based on his voice, the smirk is back. “Ah, but then whose ass would you stare at during training?”

Nesta is forced to roll back so she can properly direct the full force of her hate for him with gaze alone.

“Az’s just isn’t as nice as mine,” he adds, unintimidated.

“I do not,” she grinds out, “stare at your ass.”

(Yes, she does. It looks good in leather, what is she supposed to do?)

He’s grinning again, more indulgently this time. “Whatever you say, sweetheart.”

Ugh, he’s smug, smug Cassian is the worst Cassian. That’s it, she had a moment of weakness and if he’s going to be a dick about it—

“Do you recall that list of things that will get you pushed out of this bed?” Nesta hisses, sitting up for emphasis. “I’m adding talking to it. One more word from you about your ass or anything else and I will put you back on the floor. Violently.”

Cassian’s eyes still glint with amusement, but he takes a moment to process this and wisely decides not to speak. Nesta’s about to lay back down when Cassian raises his hand like he’s a schoolboy.

Nesta huffs in annoyance. “Fine, what?”

“Can I say goodnight again, at least?”

Nesta’s officially out of energy to deal with him. She lies back on her side, tucks the covers under chin. “If you must.”

“Goodnight, Nesta.”

She does’t even mean to say it, but it slips out on reflex: “Goodnight, Cassian.”

Nesta thinks that surely she won’t be able to sleep with this giant, hairy, overly warm body next to her, but she’s so worn out that she’s unconscious before she forms another coherent thought.

#nessian #bedsharing #nesta #cassian #acotar #[SHRUG EMOTICON]#mine

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back-and-totheleft · 5 years ago

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What Matters

Stone’s experiences fighting in the Vietnam War, a conflict in which he spent 360 days serving with distinction in the United States Army, have unsurprisingly formed a huge part of his outlook as a filmmaker. From his critique of American foreign policy in South America in Salvador, his condemnation of the American government’s treatment of veterans in Born On The Fourth Of July, and his portrayal of the true horrors of the Vietnam War in Platoon, Stone’s anti-establishment streak is clear to see. It’s something he has always worn with a badge of honor and made no attempts to water down. Bringing what he sees as the harsh realities of American foreign policy into the conscious of mainstream cinema audiences is a recurring theme throughout his work.

Platoon is understandably seen as Stone’s most personal work, given its direct link to his own tour of duty. However, I’d argue that JFK is a very close second. The assassination of John F. Kennedy was a pivotal moment in the life of the young director. According to Stone it marked the start of what he saw as a fall from grace for America and their embarking on a dark road that began with Kennedy’ successor Lyndon Johnson escalating the war in Vietnam. In the production notes for JFK Stone stated:

“Kennedy to me was like the Godfather of my generation. He was a very important figure, a leader, a prince in a sense. And his murder marked the end of a dream. The end of a concept of idealism I associated with my youth.”

These strong feelings flow right the way through the movie and it’s clearly a passion project which Stone made with an intense verve. However critics could arguably point out that it was this passion which blinded Stone to certain realities and led to him to take some fairly strong liberties with the truth. [...]

Treated purely as a piece of drama, JFK is a mesmerizing blend of styles and formats. It has elements of documentary, historical recreation, family drama, criminal investigation, political thriller, and courtroom drama coursing through it. At its center sits District Attorney Jim Garrison (Kevin Costner) and the story of how he and his team successfully brought about the first trial relating to the assassination of President Kennedy. The dramatic thrust of the movie is deliberately simple, underneath all the layers of intrigue, it’s a group of dedicated and tireless public servants seeking to uncover the truth and expose the shady goings on of those in power. It’s compelling and passionate cinema that whips you up and demands your attention.

From the very outset it’s easy to see why JFK won Academy Awards for both Cinematography and Editing. The opening montage which begins the movie is a bravura introduction that condenses down a wealth of crucial information into a very short space of time. We see historical archive footage of Kennedy’s speeches, his family life, his meetings with other politicians, as well as footage of other key players and events from the era.

As the footage begins, a key theme is immediately articulated via Dwight D. Eisenhower’s ominous warning against the rise to prominence of the military-industrial complex. We are then shown newsreels documenting Kennedy’s narrow election victory over Richard Nixon as the ground is set for his arrival in power.

The tempo then begins to pick up, the editing quickens and the tone becomes more serious, as the Cold War and its milieu unfolds. The Bay of Pigs fiasco, the annexation of Cuba, Kennedy’s deal with Krushchev and his apparent desire to withdraw from Vietnam are all explained in brief via archive footage and calming narration by none other than Martin Sheen. Key concepts and themes are now lodged in our minds. These include Kennedy’s willingness to work with Russia, his supposed weakness on Communism, and the threat he posted to those with a vested interest in war.

Suddenly, in amongst the newsreel footage comes our first fictional scene involving a call girl being ditched by the roadside. It marks a sudden shift that sees the montage’s pace and intensity increase once more. The music shifts from a brisk military drum roll to a far more menacing and tense piece. From here the momentum ramps up towards that fateful day in Dallas as footage of Kennedy’s arrival in the city is blended with recreations of his route to Dealey Plaza. Eventually it cuts to footage from the Zapruder film and as his car makes that final turn, we hear a gunshot ring out and it all fades to black.

Thanks to Stone and his editors Joe Hutshing and Pietro Scalia, the movie’s entire tone and raison d’etre is perfectly laid out before us. This whole sequence runs just shy of seven minutes. In those seven minutes a huge amount of information is relayed to us. You are thus launched into proceedings imbued with a sense of both historical context and atmosphere, as well as a range of questions already primed and ready to go.

Hutshing and Scalia utilized a range of sources for their visual jigsaw including newsreels, stock photos, home movies, and Stone’s own new footage. The blending of historical fact and fiction begins here, with real-life footage and dramatic re-creations mixed together through a series of quick cuts in order to develop Stone’s story. The issue with this perhaps being that it’s sometimes hard to tell when the archive footage ends and the new footage begins. This process of merging together fresh footage and archive pieces comes not only in the introduction, but several times throughout the movie.

When the mysterious 'X' (Donald Sutherland) lays out his version of events for Jim Garrison, we again witness an onslaught of visual information which seemingly backs up his claim. Likewise, when Garrison is in the courtroom laying out his own version of events, we again view it via a gripping montage of moments which reinforce his argument. In all three cases, the fast paced editing drives the story along and gives each sequence a sense of urgency and vitality.

The film’s cinematography is also a joy to watch and more than worthy of its Oscar win. Robert Richardson and Stone delivered a film that could go from brooding and sombre, to vibrant and urgent in the blink of an eye. Moments such as Garrison interviewing Clay Shaw (Tommy Lee Jones) on a rain-soaked Easter weekend or Garrison’s solitary viewing of Robert Kennedy’s shooting are shrouded in gloom and despondency, reflective of the sense of despair Stone himself felt over these moments. Meanwhile, the dizzying courtroom sequence delivers many little gems, from the camera stalking Garrison as he prowls the debate floor, to the way it cuts away to capture the shocked looks of the sweat-laden fan-holding courtroom audience. [...]

It’s seeing how the pieces fit together that makes the film so fascinating. Pieces which are hinted at in the opening montage, characters referenced in or even merely glimpsed in flashbacks, come back in to proceedings later on as the puzzle takes shape. For example, one of the 'Nazi-type' mercenaries shown early on in the background at one of David Ferrie’s (Joe Pesci) training camps, shows up later on as an apparent contact on the ground giving a signal to the 'hobos' on the day of the assassination. This man never utters a line, yet he offers a subtle through line linking earlier moments with the broader story.

While Stone himself deserves great credit for producing this huge piece of work, he was helped majorly by a brilliant all-star cast. To name but a few we saw Kevin Costner, Tommy Lee Jones, Gary Oldman, Joe Pesci, Kevin Bacon, Jack Lemmon, Donald Sutherland, Ed Asner, and Sissy Spacek all throwing themselves into their roles. Even John Candy and Walter Matthau, who both only have very brief cameos, are scintillating to watch. Candy’s perspiring jazz-talking dodgy attorney oozes screen presence, while Matthau’s good ol’ Senator is the cynical doubter who reignites Garrison’s interest in the assassination. [...]

From the Zapruder film onwards we sense Garrison is truly hitting his stride, his dismantling of the so called 'single bullet' theory is so erudite and persuasive you’ll almost want to just believe he is right and completely avoid the fairly important factors Stone failed to include. The fact that Garrison does not go on to win his case and the jury instead finds in favor of Shaw, is utterly immaterial. It’s the seeds of doubt he planted and the broader idea he put forward that matters. As he walks off with his family, head held high, what matters is that he tried.

-Robert Keeling, “Oliver Stone's JFK: A Masterful Blend of Fact and Fiction,” Den of Geek, Apr 19 2017 [x]

#oliver stone #jfk #robert richardson #John F. Kennedy #den of geek #cinematography #editing

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gabriellakirtonblog · 6 years ago

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How to Supercharge Your Client’s Motivation

A motivated client is a paying client.

In the world of personal training, some don’t feel it’s their job to motivate clients to adhere to the programs they create, and that’s fine. Others embrace the role of cheerleader and even de facto psychologist.

We are nearing the end of January, and it’s reported that 80 percent of New Year’s resolutions will fail by the second week of February. Is there something you can do to keep your new clients who are struggling with motivation coming back through the spring months and beyond?

For starters, you could tell them about my new book. Wink and nudge.

The reasonable trainer preaches being a tortoise and not a hare. Slow and steady wins the weight-loss race. If your client sees their dead grandma beckoning them toward the light, you’re pushing them too hard.

Often, the same approach is taken with motivation: slow and steady. A forced march of baby steps across a behavioral tipping point where habits are slowly formed and become “sticky.” This approach has merit, because behavior change is hard. Case in point: rampant obesity and low rates of exercise adherence.

But inspiration to get and stay fit can also happen in a flash. And research reveals such people make bigger changes and have higher adherence rates. (When I write “research reveals,” it’s all in that book I mentioned.)

A simple explanation of how this works involves social psychologist Milton Rokeach’s model of personality. It’s like that line from Shrek where he says, “Ogres are like onions.”

People are also like onions. When you cut them, there can be crying. Wait. What I mean is, we have “layers” to our personalities. At the outer layer there are our actions, our “behaviors.” Go down a level and we have “beliefs.” Another level and there are “attitudes.” Then even deeper are “values,” and finally, there is the core identity, the “self.”

When solely focusing on that outer layer of behavior change, baby steps are key, because suffering. We don’t like suffering, and if you minimize it, you’re less likely to backslide. The small changes are considered tolerable.

It reminds me of Winston Churchill speaking in the House of Commons in 1947:

“[D]emocracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.”

The slow and steady approach to behavior change sucks, but it sucks less than the others.

Except perhaps not.

READ ALSO: Forget About Setting Goals. Do This Instead.

How Change Can Happen in an Instant

Baby steps are concrete. They don’t always work that well, but the path is readily discernable. It’s a series of small, definitive actions where the most significant problem is adherence. But when you focus on changing deeper layers of personality—a person’s identity and values regarding exercise—adherence has the ability to be far higher, the change more profound, because passion has been ignited.

It’s also a more enigmatic approach.

Such profound change in identity and values, where a person has what I call “a holy sh*t moment” (which is why I call my book The Holy Sh!t Moment: How Lasting Change Can Happen in an Instant), isn’t something that happens slowly. It’s not a tortoise. It’s not even a hare. It’s more like a ballistic missile of insight into one’s life, a finding of purpose. It’s a hard pivot that transforms a person’s being with an overwhelming sense of rightness about this new direction in life they feel compelled to take.

But the path to such a transformative experience is far from concrete. Psychologists John Kounios and Mark Beeman wrote in their book The Eureka Factor,

“Insights are like cats. They can be coaxed but don’t usually come when called.”

As a trainer, you may be in a position to help your clients coax such a cat.

If you converse with them about things other than programming and technique, getting into how they feel, psychologically, about their training, you can help inspire sudden change. It’s how they feel not just about their training but about themselves.

Telling people to suck it up and power through is rarely useful for those who are struggling. It’s better to tap into their emotional, passionate drivers based on those internal levels: the identity and values stuff.

I’ll tell you a story about my friend Chuck Gross. Chuck weighed over 400 pounds; he’d been heavy ever since childhood. He referred to it as an “anchor” on his personality. He’d tried and failed to lose weight many times, but he hated exercise and watching what he ate.

But one day, his wife walked out of the bathroom with an unexpected announcement: a positive pregnancy test. And Chuck felt the lightning strike. This time, he knew it was going to work. He knew he would get in shape and keep the weight off. “I didn’t have to struggle with my motivation,” he told me. “It came built in.” He lost 200 pounds and has kept it off for more than a decade.

This doesn’t mean you should start advocating pregnancies. It’s to drive home the point about identity and value changes. Chuck suddenly had a new mantle thrust upon him, that of a father. In an instant, he was inspired to become the man his child needed; being a fit dad was something that held tremendous value for him. (Incidentally, I wrote a piece about Chuck’s life-changing epiphany a few years back, and the PTDC named it the number-one fat-loss article of 2015.)

You can inspire your clients to become the best versions of themselves, and to live lives concordant with their deepest values, by appealing to their emotional drivers of what gives them purpose. Because perhaps that purpose will involve seeing what their bodies are capable of.

Make Sure It Sticks

Clients are prone to wavering motivation. Life gets in the way. The desire to stick with the program wanes. Trainers hate it when that happens. You don’t want to lose clients to apathy. You can design the best program possible that fits their abilities and matches their interests and gets them to achieve their goals, but if they lose their ambition for those goals you may struggle to pay bills.

It’s not your job to be the sole source of inspiration for a client to train, but you can play an assisting role by opening discussions on how they feel about the process, their progress, and their ambition for the future.

Because the standard-issue “rah-rah, you can do it!” isn’t enough. To help them unlock their exercise passion so motivation is no longer a scarce resource, you need to go deeper. Give them something to think about, even if it means giving them some psychological homework.

READ ALSO: Your Client Stopped Getting Results. Now What?

You do a training session with a client and it goes great. They’re in the zone, in a great mood. They crush it. Ask them why it was so great. Don’t accept “because you’re such a great trainer!” as an answer. Sure, it’s probably true, but you want to know what was going on with them, in their head, in their life, that tapped into some primal desire that made today such a kick-ass effort. Why did it feel good? What part of their personality was awakened in that moment?

Ask them if that person who kicked ass today felt more like the person they really are, deep down, yearning to be set free and reign supreme …

Ack. Barf. Sorry.

So maybe don’t use those exact words, but that’s the idea. You can nudge them toward a life-changing moment that awakens their desire to achieve great things with their body just by getting them to start thinking about it, by letting them know a rapid change in their motivation level is possible, by getting them to believe it can happen for them.

You can nudge your clients by recommending they spend some time thinking about their identity and values and how it relates to regular exercise. Tell them to spend some time analyzing these aspects of their personality. Advise them to put some real mental effort into it.

Then tell them to do something else.

The trick about a life-changing moment is that it doesn’t come while you’re actively trying to uncover it. Those thoughts need time to meander and collide, so they have a chance to gel in a profound way. Sudden insight arrives when one least expects it, when engaged in some form of distraction. It comes in the shower—the whole shower-thoughts thing—or while out for a walk, in nature, away from technological distraction.

I know people who had sudden insight strike while cleaning a toilet, while walking across a parking lot, while bonding with a shelter dog.

As a trainer, you likely can’t do a lot more than nudge this. As you well know, what they’re mostly after is guidance on lifting things. What’s more, sudden insight is a “comes from within” phenomenon. But there’s also the fact that most people don’t even consider the possibility of rapid mental transformation. Once you let them know it’s a thing that happens, they may begin considering it could happen for them.

And perhaps you’ll suggest they buy that book of mine to further help them achieve it.

And if it does happen for them? Don’t stand in the way. At last year’s Fitness Summit, my friend Kelly Coffey talked about her own life-changing moment. She went from killing herself with drugs and alcohol to wanting to crush herself with exercise. And the last thing she needed was someone to harsh that vibe by telling her to take it easy.

If someone comes at you inspired to go long and hard, show them the right way to do it so it doesn’t break them. Appreciate, admire, and encourage their passion.

Don’t kill their fire; stoke it.

This article is adapted from The Holy Sh!t Moment, by James Fell, on sale January 22.

Your Client Is Motivated, But Are You Ready to Confidently Build Amazing Fitness Programs?

While every client’s fitness program is different, you don’t have to start from scratch.

Specifically, there are 7 principles to every great program, and when you know them, you’ll get a head start on your program writing.

To help, we put together a checklist with all 7 variables. With this checklist, you’ll also learn:

The HIDDEN VARIABLE that all great programs share

Enter your email below to get the checklist.

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fitono · 6 years ago

Text

How to Supercharge Your Client’s Motivation

A motivated client is a paying client.

For starters, you could tell them about my new book. Wink and nudge.

A simple explanation of how this works involves social psychologist Milton Rokeach’s model of personality. It’s like that line from Shrek where he says, “Ogres are like onions.”

It reminds me of Winston Churchill speaking in the House of Commons in 1947:

“[D]emocracy is the worst form of Government except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time.”

The slow and steady approach to behavior change sucks, but it sucks less than the others.

Except perhaps not.

READ ALSO: Forget About Setting Goals. Do This Instead.

How Change Can Happen in an Instant

It’s also a more enigmatic approach.

But the path to such a transformative experience is far from concrete. Psychologists John Kounios and Mark Beeman wrote in their book The Eureka Factor,

“Insights are like cats. They can be coaxed but don’t usually come when called.”

As a trainer, you may be in a position to help your clients coax such a cat.

Make Sure It Sticks

READ ALSO: Your Client Stopped Getting Results. Now What?

Ask them if that person who kicked ass today felt more like the person they really are, deep down, yearning to be set free and reign supreme …

Ack. Barf. Sorry.

Then tell them to do something else.

I know people who had sudden insight strike while cleaning a toilet, while walking across a parking lot, while bonding with a shelter dog.

And perhaps you’ll suggest they buy that book of mine to further help them achieve it.

If someone comes at you inspired to go long and hard, show them the right way to do it so it doesn’t break them. Appreciate, admire, and encourage their passion.

Don’t kill their fire; stoke it.

This article is adapted from The Holy Sh!t Moment, by James Fell, on sale January 22.

Your Client Is Motivated, But Are You Ready to Confidently Build Amazing Fitness Programs?

While every client’s fitness program is different, you don’t have to start from scratch.

Specifically, there are 7 principles to every great program, and when you know them, you’ll get a head start on your program writing.

To help, we put together a checklist with all 7 variables. With this checklist, you’ll also learn:

The HIDDEN VARIABLE that all great programs share

Enter your email below to get the checklist.

The post How to Supercharge Your Client’s Motivation appeared first on The PTDC.

How to Supercharge Your Client’s Motivation published first on https://medium.com/@MyDietArea

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