#how to fix an anxious attachment style

[fashionably-forgetful]

why do i have an anxious attachment style but not my parents?

Attachment styles are shaped by a combination of genetic, biological, and environmental factors, and they can vary from person to person even within the same family. While parents can influence their children’s attachment styles through their caregiving behaviors during early childhood, it’s not uncommon for individuals to develop attachment styles that differ from those of their parents. Here…

[petri808]

Me after latest therapy session

[8thhousekat]

🩷Moon sign observations🩷

Aries moons: I’ve noticed that a lot of Aries moon people tend to have a certain interest that they are very very passionate about🙏 they also are very protective over their loved ones if you think no one has your back that one Aries moon family member or friend does they also may be addicted to drama❤️❤️

Taurus moons: the most loyal and caring people I’ve ever met they always find a way to make you comfortable in the most uncomfortable situations haha they also can get irritable when they are hungry or when they are stressed they may over indulge in food or things that may be comforting to them.

Gemini moons: a lot of them tend to always need to be doing something to keep them from overthinking and spiraling. They always know everything about everyone even people that are just acquaintances. They overindulge in media haha and they might have multiple things they are interested in or were at one point and it is the most random hobby ever they also may struggle with being anxious or having a lot of anxiety due to always asking why or making hypothetical situations in their head(this is my moon sign😭)

Cancer moons: they are always so caring they might accidentally parent their friends and family but it’s because they care about them so much. I’ve noticed that a lot of cancer moons that I’ve met are old souls they could appreciate antiques and older music🙏they are very practical at times and they always seem to know the right thing to say when you are upset

Leo moons: Leo moons just light up rooms when they smile their humor is immaculate. They also might have a tendency to hold grudges on certain people. A lot of Leo moons I’ve met have a very chill demeanor but once they get comfortable they really show their personality❤️ they are surprisingly stubborn too and have leader characteristics people just listen to them

Virgo moons: they are so anxious :( but very stable a lot of them might get stomach issues due to anxiety they also could stress clean😭 they get stressed out in unclean environments. Also might have a tendency to want to fix people or give solutions when someone is upset (this isn’t because they don’t care it’s because they want to help) virgo moons tend to be stuck in-between their head and their heart they also have very beautiful skin they take very good care of themselves and others.

Libra moons: you guys are so diplomatic and conflict adverse at the same time haha I’ve never met a libra moon who didn’t want to keep the peace. They are so sweet and they always seem to know what to say to make people feel better. They also might get stuck in situations due to getting attached easily. Libra moons also might have a hard time being alone because they just want to be loved😔 I love you guys sm

Scorpio moons: you guys are detectives on a monocular level you always seem to know how to get things out of people a lot of my friends are Scorpio moons and their dark humor is so fucking funny. They also are emotional even if they try to hide it they have huge hearts and care about their people. They love horror movies/games and When they are mad they might struggle with revenge fantasies and explosive anger. Very secretive about non important things like their playlists or their favorite food but non the less they are extremely loyal people so don’t hurt them or you will never get back in.

Sagittarius moons: they have so much energy and knowledge they are little adventurers they always have some funny story to pull out of nowhere you know when a Sagittarius moon loves you is when they take you on their little trips even to the gas station haha they love to express themselves through their style and they are so accepting. A lot of Sagittarius moons teach themselves about things they absorb information very quickly and could easily understand how things work

Capricorn moons: they are very hard working and prone to burn out very loyal they might have a tendency to be pessimistic and go through depressive episodes:( they all need hugs haha some of them might be a bit grouchy at times and get frustrated when there’s lack of effort from the people they love. They really like food that reminds them of home. The cap moons that I know are very good at saving their money. But when they are stressed they over spend. Kids also really like them for some reason haha same with cancer moons

Aquarius moons: these people aren’t afraid to be themselves they are they are very much you see is what you get type energy. they are logical and intelligent but they also are very goofy at times they might have a hard time making friends due to fear of letting people in but once they let you in they are amazing friends and people to be around. They also could have a hard time with being emotional around others can be stoic at times.

Pisces moons: they are so sweet and delusional haha pisces moons love romance and daydream a lot they also could have very vivid dreams. They are kind and caring and also have a savior complex like Virgo moons😭 a lot of Pisces moons I know have this ability to get people to open up to them they can be too trusting. Some of them might say white lies 😭😭 but at the end of the day they just want to be accepted the same way that they accept others

these are just my observations on the moon signs if they aren’t accurate to you then that’s okay🩷🩷 Thank you for reading 🩷🩷 if you would like a free natal chart reading just comment

[sk-lumen]

Pearls of wisdom from journaling & therapy

chasing people who ghost you, mistreat you, ignore you, is a trauma response. you're re-enacting a similar dynamic from your childhood in hopes that you can change the outcome and feel "fixed" or "worthy" of good treatment finally

you go for emotionally unavailable partners for one of 2 reasons: either your self esteem is too low and you think you don't deserve a healthy and reciprocal relationship; or you are protecting your heart by intentionally choosing someone you can't truly connect/resonate with, nor have to fully open up or get attached to

we are attracted to partners that in some way recreate the dynamic we had with our primary caregivers. ie. an emotionally unavailable parent can lead people to chase partners with avoidant attachment styles and/or emotionally unavailable

being obsessed or holding on to an ex, a situationship or unrequitted love of some kind is not always because you were "so in love with them". it's not about emotional attachment. it's about the mental attachment: to what they meant to you, how they made you feel, or a (often toxic) belief you associated with them, and by letting them go you feel you will lose some essential part of yourself (or self concept)

there is no wrong or right choice, it's about creating a foundation for yourself where you feel safe and strong enough to handle the consequences of either action. create a strong foundation within yourself, and you will achieve a newfound confidence and boldness in living the life you've always wanted, because you won't be afraid/anxious anymore of every little decision

[junepingu]

Adam x reader (hazbin hotel)

How you two met

Headcanons:

¦ First part ¦

The time that you passed with Adam were now really less than the first times, he noticed that and tried to cheer you up in every way, but he had an big... BIG ego, so that means that in public mostly and in private he was more Attached to you, he made more maschilist jokes and at the same time gave you a lot of gifts, you were going crazy...

Even if you didn't noticed that but he was really afraid of you in every way, your beautiful hair and your beautiful eyes that always looked up at him when he get closer, your wings that twich every time that he put a hand on you or just innocently Pinch your cheek to annoyed you, all of that big carcather that he has to carry on is just because his in reality very selfconscious, he never had more than two Women, ève and lilith that left him for lucifer.. After that he just tried to became stronger even if he liked someone he couldn't just show it as a normal person do, unfortunately...

One day he wanted to finally ask you out for real this time, so he prepared with the help of Lute a love letter, "looks like a child made this sir" Lute said smirking a bit "OH FUCK YOU LUTE! Im trying here bitch!", a little plushie that looked... Like him because when he was at work he thought that you would be alone for long so with that you would feel... Always.. his presence.. And a ring... The best part... It was a bright one.. Brought for This occasion, he was really anxious...

He was all prepared and wanted then to find you and make you the biggest happy person alive, he wanted to love you every day and make you feel alive... But... You weren't always around... Or maybe you weren't around as you used to.

He noticed that you tried always to walk away If by pure chance he crosses paths with you changed your path, at first he thought it was a coincidence but as he went on he understood that you wanted to move away, why? Why you too? What had he done wrong?... He didn't know but after some time he finally found you and wanted to confront you and understand what was going on...

He found you in the library of the church where all of angels and part of Heaven go to study.

Your paranoia was getting bigger and bigger, "why me?"... "surely he'll just want to use me"... "he's not what you think, he doesn't really love you, he's Adam the first man on heart, every girl are on his knees for him he'd never choose someone like me"...

Adam Fly all the way here and decided to talk with you, obviusly with his style, he entered the library and took a look around, you were obviusly sitting in a table in the corner alone.

He stare at you for a moment and decided to make his entrance "hey bitch what's up with you? You know who i am? You can't just disappear like that", he talked a little too much loud even because someone turned around and stare at you two in a pissed way, you were in a public library After all.

You just stopped reading and were surprised by his presence, he was now towering you with a hand on the table and the other pointed at you, you shush him and You pull it to a more secluded place, "h-hey what the fuck!" you finally looked at him in the eyes and spoke and a trembling sigh came out of your mouth "listen Adam... First of all you can't enter a library like that, and second of all why are you here? Don't you have something better to do?" he looked at you confused and a grin appered on his lips "ohh~ your cunt is in a bad mood today? I can fix that you know Im famous for my to-" you didn't let him finish and started to feel tears coming from your eyes "ENOUGH!" he froze "why you keep doing this?? Why?" your face was turning red "doing what" he whispered a little taken back by your sudden reaction "you always try to flirt with me in some ways and then you treat me like Im just a piece of meat, why you always bother yourself with me uh? Why you can't just leave me, i know that you have millions of girls that maybe are better at that! But im not like one of them! And if you just wanted to be my friend just for that maybe... Im sorry but no... I dont want to continue like this.." a first tear came out.

He was shocked, what did he do wrong? Someone made you think like this? You liked someone else?, in his mind everything was running fast every possibility to understand your sudden reaction, he started to speak again "what.. What does that mean? I never did something like that!" he starting to raise his voice in irritation "i was always the one to make things for you! I always tried to make everything possible what the hell do you think bitch! Im fucking Adam! Im perfect! And you should just appreciate that i choose you!".

You couldn't believe it... He said that, he could have been with someone else if it was not for you... Now is clear... Tears were running down your red cheeks... "oh...so that's why..." you started to cry, he stare at you panicking, you couldn't read his face for the mask "Im just a second.... Or maybe a the last choice for you?"... Your face was now purple and your troath was burning, you could see only a blurry figure in front of you for how much tears were forming... "w-what n-" you didn't want to hear him and so you Fly away faster as you could, you just wanted to Return home and forget all of him...

He was paralyzed.. He didn't know what happened, He had come looking for you to take you out to eat and finally declare himself, and all after a flap of wings disappeared in a second... He was the wrong one? He was the one that made you soffer? How? What did he do wrong?

After that evening he went back home were Lute was waiting "sir how did it go?" he didn't respond and just went to bed, Lute remain a little by his attitude... "sir?" "Fuck off Lute!" she just followed him and sit down on the bed silent.

After a while he looked at her and in a angry and pissed way he storm out "what the hell did i say? Just go away bitch! Go away and leave me alone like the rest of the world!" the last part came out broken... Something broke inside of him... He didn't know what was happening but started to sob in his pillow... "DONT STARE AT ME BITCH! DON'T-.. DON'T LOOK AT ME" She was approaching to hug him, she didn't say anything, she knew that at any moment he would explode..

He was buffering in the pillow and suddenly felt warm, the arms of Lute were around him, he tried to pull away sobbing and pissed "DON'-DON'TOUCH ME... *sob* DON'T... don't..." he lets go and stays in the embrace, and he starts crying and venting about what happened

After he vent for like 2 Hours he stayed like that with tired eyes... "sir... You need to find her and tell her what you feel, but you have to put aside your ego" he just pull away and in a pissed way said "i dont have an ego! And i can't she don't want to see me again after what i did... What i did wrong?" he asked, "sir if i have to be sincere you are always a piece of shit, with every one, you want the attention but can't get Attached with someone because you are afraid you Will lose them.. It's not like this that life works, you need to stand up and finally accept what you are, you are not only Adam.. " he stare at her," yes i am only Adam, the fucking first man that give life to all of them why they can't accept it!", "sir... You are not only that, i observ when you talked with y/n how your face change and how nervous you become, how you want to surprise her with little hand gifts, but too afraid to recieve her compliments.... You are not only Adam.. You are a human sir...", he became flustered and embarassed by the exact description of himself "wherever bitch..." there was a moment of silence... "Lute...?" he whispered "do you think... That... Im in time to go and talk with her?".

Lute push him out of the window "FUCKING FLY FAST SIR" he then fuck her off but was excited scared and all type of emotions he can have and Fly to your house as fast as he can "please don't leave me y/n, please dont leave me y/n please dont leave me y/n".

He finally arrived... He was about to faint from how fast he went, while he was catching his breath he landed on your balcony, and knocked 5 Times, The fifth was a spasm of the lungs.

You were in your bedroom and started to take sleep when you heard 5 knocks on your window... You turn your head to see... "no.." Adam, you were a little susrpised but didn't want to open him, that would be rude so you stand up with a big groan and open slowly the window "what.." you asked in a cold tone.

This was all for the second part, i notice that you really liked the first so i thought that would be interesting put a little angst for this , if you want the third part let me know! Have a great day🫐

[the-s1lly-corner]

I’m feeling silly rn so can I pretty please get some Digital circus x reader headcanons with a reader that’s like a creepy clown doll that’s really anxious? (I’m in my creepy doll era🥺❗️❗️)

Various TADC characters x creepy clown doll!reader w/ anxiety

i kinda really want to bake something but i dont know what hmmm.... characters: ragatha, kinger, pomni, gangle notes: reader is gn, mostly platonic leaning for these CWs: none

RAGATHA

she offers to fix any of the tears you may have in your clothing, though shes a little confused that you want to keep them... you insist that they make you creepier, or at least as creepy as you can look in the digital circus

shes not all that put off by your appearance like some of the others, at least not for long- she manages to get over it fairly quickly in order to make you feel welcome

if you dont want to be perceived as creepy, though, shes more than willing to try to help where she can to make you look more approachable

but if you want to look creepy, or even look creepier... shes a little lost, but shes willing to give you a hand

she does her best to try to work with you through your anxiety, she tries to give you little pep talks and reassurances where she can

always lingering around to make sure you dont need anything, although sometimes she feels she may be overbearing because of it

KINGER

probably the most put off by your appearance, he needs the most time to get over it- hes noticeably a little more on edge around you too, but its not that he doesnt... like you...

your vibe just puts him on edge when hes not fully himself or there in the moment, time and being open is going to be your friend here

more inclined to approach you if you have bugs crawling around on you, its a good conversation opener! he can take them off your hands if you dont want spiders crawling all over you

it kind of turns into a little activity between the two of you, he picks through you and over time you guys get more and more comfortable around one another

i can see him being a little oblivious to some of your clown antics that border on the creepy side, sneaking around and causing mischief, a lot of it goes right over his head and he goes on with applauding you

he just wants to be supportive!

as you both get to know one another he learns of your struggles and you both kind of bond over that- if hes in a clearer head space he does his best to reassure you of anything thats been eating you up

he gets really good at picking up on how youre feeling, sometimes he notices before you realize you're starting to feel... not very well...

POMNI

also pretty put off by your appearance and general demeanor, probably just a little less on edge than kinger.. headcanon that pomni isnt all that into horror and this pops up with you

tries her best to act normal around you like she isnt a little put off

when she finds out youre not as bad as you look she feels bad, even worse when she realizes some of the distance and aloofness comes from your anxiety, she does her best to approach you and close the gap between the two of you

awkward at first... very awkward... but shes trying her best to make you feel welcome around her!

small talk that slowly spirals into longer conversations where you two are just bouncing off of each other, it doesnt feel all that forced anymore and you two like each others company

GANGLE

she can relate to your anxiety, sometimes the two of you hide away from everyone else and just... exist together, where its less overwhelming

gangle doesnt talk much about her problems much but that doesnt mean youre not allowed to, shes a good listener

shes an artist so obligatory she likes your theming and finds herself drawing stuff for you based off your style

tends to any ribbons you have in your clothing or on your body so they can.. not get undone..

you both are attached to the hip for the most part, one is hardly ever seen without the other

[raisedbythetv89]

To me, I don’t think Buffy or the audience can ever truly know if she’s in love with angel or just in attachment with him. I believe she is just in attachment and especially before innocence and after his encounter with the first, just full on enmeshment with him. No boundaries whatsoever, his pain is her pain (which is extremely common in parentified children who feel they have to protect their parents from their pain like what buffy does with joyce), just like how she describes her feelings towards riley later which is NOT a good thing, empathy is good, taking on others pain as if it’s your own is extremely unhealthy. (Yes I’m pulling on my psych degree for a tumblr post, human behavior and buffy are two of my special interests)

What I mean by “in attachment” is that she has all of the same anxieties and insecurities about angel that she does with her father. Angel’s erratic and unpredictable behavior plays on her anxious avoidant attachment style SO AGGRESSIVELY. He keeps showing up, giving her little information at all and even less about himself and then vanishing leaving her hanging, and anxiously wondering about him which can mimic thinking you’re romantically interested when really it’s just an unresolved problem you desperately want to solve. She has a lot of valid criticisms about him before they’re officially together about his inconsistencies, him treating her like a child, him being too old for her and then all of a sudden she’s saying she wants to die when they kiss and that she loves him (after he forces her to say she loves him before he’ll tell the truth about drusilla). That is exactly how falling into attachment goes. Once you’re hooked all your feelings that are caused by a bad relationship with a parent are projected onto the partner who you are unknowingly recreating that dynamic with which is why such intense and strong feelings can happen so quickly and suddenly you’re ignoring all concerns you had before forming this attachment with someone.

He’s not her soulmate, he’s just the first guy to treat her like her father did and if you don’t address that cycle the relationship is recreating it can be impossible to move on because they will ALWAYS feel like something is unresolved and if you don’t know why you feel that way you can misinterpret it as true love or destiny because why all would you suffer so much and still love them if it wasn’t? It’s a mistake SO MANY of us make in our romantic relationships and these portrayals of unhealthy attachments being sold to us a soul mates doesn’t help us at all.

She does it with Riley also but she walls herself off so she doesn’t get AS attached to him as she did angel but their relationship is still her trying to fix the relationship with her father by changing herself so maybe this time he’ll stay. It’s why his opinion still matters so much to her when he comes back in season 6 despite him being a truly awful person to her who has done nothing but make mistakes and whose opinion should not matter to her at all after everything he put her through. He is another pseudo father figure she craves approval from.

It’s why I love her relationship with Spike so much despite all the bad they go through before season 7. We know her feelings are real because Spike doesn’t play on her anxious-avoidant attachment at all because he is ALWAYS there even when she’s mean and claims she doesn’t want him there. And to me everything they do to each other makes perfect sense, their relationship is exactly what two people with severe trauma and one with anxious-avoidant and one with just anxious-attachment going into a relationship together looks like. You hurt each other A LOT because you’re working out all your issues with each other and they don’t have ANY help from a therapist or someone who can help minimize the hurt so they both just use their worst coping mechanisms and the fact that they go through all that and still get to be together and happy and healthy on the other side is just everything to me because that so rarely happens in the real world, where you get to be with the person who was also a catalyst for healing and having to go through all that suffering together only to have to start over -hopefully from a much better place - but still with someone else BLOWS. So Spike and Buffy to me are about hope and healing (including the unpleasant and very ugly, dark parts of healing people rarely talk about) and getting to do each phase of that with someone AND enjoy being happy and whole together is just UGHHHH I love it so much.

[reneesghostinthelivingroom]

Heyy, i fot a request!!!! ITS SO GOOD. HEAR ME OUT. Also sorry for the length

So i was thinking of Chappell Roan X genderneutral!reader [or genderfluid, up to you, but reader is more masc presenting even thoigh they are afab] fic where reader is a major player and heartbreaker of the music industry and everyone wants them even thoigh they are absolutely new in the business. Chappell meets them and she is all "i can fix them [no really i can] and reader is all "you can't fix me, i was born with a broken heart" or "you can't fix me baby, you can make me worse though", even Reneé is all like "thats not a good idea chappell, they break heatts like they are getting paid to do it" but Chappell doesnt care. Maube some drama happens during a performance where their set was close, or during an award ceremony. Rumours start flying and reader denies ir like crazy while Chappell doesnt? Slightly toxic with that anxious attachment x avoidant attachment style relationship dynamic, with Chappell being possessive of reader, her talking abour reader in interviews because everyone thinks reader is a rising star, and lets just say Chappell's mind s elsewhere. Feel free to make it into a series! Aaaaaaa. As always feel free to refuse the req if it makes you uncomfy thx xoxo 🤍

On Her Hook part 1

|| Chappell Roan x genderfluid!artist!reader

|| Warnings; hints at slightly toxic relationships, reader's a play person, mentions of reneé rapp x reader, reader scared of commitment, chappell desperate for reader, short drabble

|| Summary; when reader ghosts Chappell, Reneé tries to warn her but she comes up with a plan for your attention.

Requests open!

Started; November 7th

Finished; November 7th

~~~

You weren't interested in keeping relationships. At this point, you couldn't count the amount of people you'd been with. Even your public list of relationships was endless. It wasn't exactly something hidden to the public; you talked about it in interviews often. Asking if you'd found anyone worthy of commitment. There's been a few close calls, but you were always scared to tie down. What if you got hurt in the process? So you always ended things to keep yourself safe. Not letting yourself get too close to anyone.

Then there was Chappell. A girl who was determined she could change you. You were scared of commitment? Well, she'd kill that fear. Send it up in flames. Anything she had to do to call you hers. You'd spent a few nights with her. But you could tell she was growing restless with this 'friends with benefits' relationship you guys had going on.

And when she finally stopped you to talk about it, you weren't entirely surprised. Of course she would want to talk to you. You could tell this meant more to her than just hookups. It was a certain look in the eyes they all had. "What can I say to make you stay?" She asked, you felt your breath hitch. Stay? Staying wasn't your style. It never was.

"I was born with a broke heart, baby. I know you think you can fix-" She wouldn't even let you finish your sentence, already kissing you. Your eyes widened but your lips moved against hers. Despite knowing it would only make it harder to leave again. Maybe that's what she was doing, trying to get you on her hook.

"Please..." Chappell murmured against your lips as the kiss slowly parted. You looked into her eyes, biting the inside of your lip. You couldn't resist her when she was like this. Chappell may as well have been down on her hands and knees. Your hand moved towards her, but then you held yourself back. Releasing your breath.

"I'm sorry. I'm.. busy." Lame excuse. You turned your back to her, missing how her eyes dulled. The excitement deflating as easily as it had come.

It's nearly been two weeks now since Chappell last saw you in person. She'd been stalking your social medias more than she would ever admit. She was even doing it this very moment. Even though she should have been focused on this artists event. Part of her hoped... maybe you would be here. However it was rare for you to go to things like these. You preferred the interviews, award shows and dance parties. Events? Especially ones where you had to listen to a million speeches- yeah, no. The most you could tolerate when it came to speeches was the award shows. And that was enough for you.

Chappell felt a hand on her back before Reneé Rapp sat next to her, giving her a gentle smile when she'd seen her looking at your media. "You're playing with fire, Chappell." Reneé warned, a sigh leaving her lips. She herself had had her minimal moments with you. If Reneé couldn't leash you, she honestly didn't know who could.

"I'll put it out." Chappell brushed off the comment, looking from her phone to Reneé. An almost desperate love in her eyes," I can fix them."

"You can't fix someone who wants to be broken. Do what I didn't and save your breath. They break hearts like they're getting paid to do it." Reneé rolled her eyes at the thought, the memories of you and her coming back.. she hated that part of her missed you.

Chappell frowned, the words starting to sink in. But she pushed them away, not letting it demotivate her. She'd have you in the end.

A few more days pass. Chappell still hasn't seen you, but she knew how to get your attention. She had the perfect opportunity lined up with an upcoming interview...

[ticklepinions]

Ranting

Do y'all feel like everything is just so infuriating.

I don't even know how to phrase what I'm upset about. I hate how it feels like one side has to do the heavy lifting, while the other side just watches.

Avoidant people are automatically demonized and told to be better. Introverts are told to go out more and do better. Night owls are looked down upon and often pegged as lazy. Me literally trying to be friends with people but because I'm unemployed there's this vibe I get from people. Maybe I'm just projecting my insecurities but it genuinely feels so real.

Why is every aspect of my being tied to productivity? Oh "avoidant people don't take responsibility for their actions", hey not entirely true. Anxious attachment styles can also be toxic when not handled correctly. But you pair both of them up, at least from what I've seen/experienced, it is up to the avoidant person to manage everyone's feelings. Like wtf is that. I got in an argument with a friend, and I said I needed time to process and it basically led to them saying "why can't we just talk now, it's making me anxious". And because I fawn sometimes, I just compromised. And that's so fucking shitty. But I ask the people around me and the vibe is usually yeah it's best to handle things there and then. But because my brain literally isn't wired that way, I genuinely need to talk it out a lot with people who aren't involved to get a better sense of what I'm feeling. I often don't know why I got upset, or if I am upset at all. But nooooo avoidant people are the worst ever. Hey maybe we can also benefit from not dealing with a problem right away. Maybe taking some time can also be an appropriate decision.

Or when we speak about introverts. It's always this thing people want to fix. Talk more. Put yourself out there. Network. I'm exhausted. But the disdain is seldomly towards extroverted people.

Early risers can do so much with their day so people love them. But oh you wake up AND stay up late? What are you doing with your time?? Work I hope.

And I'm not saying we put the "other" side on blast. It's just frustrating to have aspects of yourself that don't necessarily need to change, constantly be poked and prodded at. And not once have people stopped to wonder maybe we can just do things differently.

I feel insane sometimes with hearing people say "that's just life". Hey so what if I shoot myself with a water gun. Why does it have to be like that? Are we not gonna do something about it? I'm just expected to grin and bear it like everyone else is doing? While it's literally making me question my sanity and if I want to continue *living* period. Hello??

Anyways therapy cannot come any sooner I am gonna crash out lmfao

Edit: how could I forget mental illness. People actually don't gaf. If your depression/anxiety/whatever isn't something digestible, you can forget about support. And people love weaponizing therapy. Therapy can only do so much. I'm literally paying for someone to validate me. If I can't find it naturally within my own community that's just more isolation. We've become so individualized and with terms like trauma dumping and capacity and what not being used, and rather incorrectly, it perpetuates this thought of you shouldn't complain about anything to your own circle.

[natasha-in-space]

I got a yoosung angst prompt cuz its fun to put the most sunshine guy through the worst traumas

How do you think his relationship will mc be post Bad Ending 3. Yeah its the ending where Unknown kidnaps and tortures him. Lets assume that he eventually got rescued and nearly died in the process (cuz Unknown badly hurt him in a fit of rage) but he survives....he lives

But whats gonna be after that how the whole ordeal is gonna affect his relationship with his S/O because it is going to be tough for both the parties. Ofc yoosung who was directly affected by the ordeal will need alot of therapy, and love and support. But it was quite tough for mc too.... if anything yoosung route does, it shows us the fact that losing a loved one is traumatic, nearly losing one too as well and MC also was traumatised and is guilt ridden (maybe i should have tried harder to stop him had i knew this would happen is a constant thought in her head) she also becomes somewhat protective of him because he has been through enough and deserves to get the best of the world.....but while mc is well intentioned in her actions....it somehow stings Yoosung, he is the one who should be protecting her, he should be the proactive one in the relationship....thats what he thinks. It makes him feel small....besides he can also see her running herself thin for him....and he just wants to not be a burden to her...

I rambled alot im sorry but i wanna see your take. As always i just wanna let you know I love your writing

Well, the unfortunate thing that I just can't help but bring up is that... Bad Ending 3 happens due to the player's (MC's) actions. That's not how it works in real life, of course, but with the structure of MM's storyline, that's how it plays out, and that's how it's meant to be interpreted by the player. In that ending, MC prioritizes themselves first, and encourages Yoosung self-sacrificial tendencies for their own benefit (or, well, safety, to be more exact). MC's actions are what led Yoosung to sacrifice himself in that ending in the first place. And that's also the reason behind his seeming resolve with what Unknown is putting him through in the aftermath.

'It's okay. I'm protecting them. They wanted me to keep them safe. So they wouldn't be scared. I need to stay strong for them. I'm doing this for them. Because I love them. Because I don't want to be in the dark and not do anything like it happened with Rika.'

So both sides of the argument are dealing with a messy tangle of emotions to deal with. And if you do want to imagine a better resolution to all of this, it'll probably involve a lot of conversations between the two.

Your dynamic between each other is unbalanced in that particular ending. And that's something that needs to be fixed. MC should take more care of Yoosung's well-being first before their own and believe in him, while Yoosung needs to work on his anxious attachment style.

It is difficult, though, because Yoosung's worst traits got the best of him as a direct result of MC's actions. The situation is pretty similar to those who want to imagine a better solution to Jumin's 2 Bad Ending. While it's possible, it needs to be acknowledged that MC is the one who needs to put most of the work in.

In my opinion, what would their relationship be like? Well, if we assume that MC does feel guilty for everything that happened, that's a lot of emotional baggage to deal with. Yoosung got hurt. Bad. Both physically and mentally. And he'll probably dismiss it too. It's important to remember that in this particular ending, he's devoted to you to an unhealthy extent. Not the same as in his 1 Bad Ending, but in a very self-sacrificial way. He'll probably just smile at you and say that he's happy you're safe. That that was the only thing he ever wanted. And that he held out for so long because he remembered what you told him, and how scared you were.

So... it's a pretty heavy situation for MC to be in. It's one thing to have your loved one disregard their well-being for you, but it's completely different when it's the direct consequence of your own actions.

Many apologies need to be made. Even if Yoosung doesn't understand why you're apologizing to him. Lots of talks to be had. And lots of very slow and steady progress to be made.

It's possible to come up with a better resolution to this mess. But it'll require a lot of work and patience from both MC and Yoosung. It does make a very interesting story to think about, though!

[torialefay]

*clears throat* I have a theory that Chris has an anxious attachment style, plus he left his friends and family in Australia and moved to what is effectively a foreign country at like 12 and spent his formative years in a high-stress environment and he himself has talked about his struggles during that time. Plus he debuted at like 19 or 20 and since then he's been living this lifestyle that is so far removed from a normal life that it wouldn't surprise me if he's never been in a relationship or even been intimate with anyone and aside from the skz members, it's probably hard to keep close friendships, especially with people outside that sort of lifestyle who might keep him grounded. He's always fostered this two-sided parasocial relationship with his fans bc 1. He seems like a very communicative person and an extrovert and 2. We (fans) are probably the closest to regular people he is surrounded by. I don't think he fully realised how far it would go, how much fame he would end up reaching and just how many people would eat up his every word, and how gullible an immature a lot of those people would be.

Part of it seems to be a joke to him and us older stays do realise it, but a lot of stays just don't (and tbf, some are older than me and still being very delulu). Not to mention the bigger picture, like the whole loneliness epidemic is very real and a lot of us millennials and gen z end up forming parasocial relationships with artists or influencers, and this includes the artists themselves who are feeling the same things we all are.

Now that he's older and skz have reached a level of fame he potentially never even thought possible, he's beginning to realise that he might have created an environment where fans take things too far and he's trying to set boundaries while also not alienating his fans, particularly the ones who are "normal" about him and that's a tough line to walk. He always seems happy to talk to stays who just have normal conversations bc he probably does crave some connection to people outside the industry and he seems to genuinely like his fans, but he's also probably tired of people treating him like a therapist, trauma dumping, trying to get him to fix issues he just can't do anything about or full on hitting on him beyond a bit of silly flirting (which he also seems to enjoy).

With all that said, I do hope the new contract gives him and skz more breaks, more protection from stalking, more protection from creepy fan interactions and more freedom to set boundaries.

i don't want to speculate or necessarily diagnose people with anything, but i could definitely see chan having an anxious attachment style. which is really sad to think about. but it makes a lot of sense, and i completely agree with the things that you said. his formative years were in an environment where love came from you performing well or doing the things that were expected from you. there was no coddling (which i don't mean in a derogatory way) and no real expression of someone loving him regardless of if he did well or not. i don't know if he's ever experienced unconditional love, which makes my heart break for him.

i hope he can get to the point where he is healing from that and i really hope that the members show him unconditional love to try and heal his lil heart 😭 maybe this is the start of it? idk i guess time will tell. he's a grown ass man, but still wanna make sure he's doing okay :(

[fashionably-forgetful]

Can Anxious Ambivalent Attachment Style Create Codependency

Yes, there is a strong connection between anxious-ambivalent (also known as anxious-preoccupied) attachment style and codependency. Anxious attachment style and codependency share some common characteristics and tendencies that can lead to codependent relationships. Here’s how they are related: Need for External Validation: Anxious-ambivalent individuals often seek constant validation,…

[hazbinficsandstuff-eyeshadow]

I feel like attachment style theory is misunderstood or I'm misunderstanding it

It's not really

Anxious: I want to be around my SO

Secure: I want to be around my partner, in moderation

Avoidant:I don't want to be around my SO

But more

Anxious: they seem like they might be mad at me, or they are mad at me, I need to be super around them now, and I need to talk about it and get it resolved now, I don't want them to be mad at me, fix it now l, not later, *gives super deoe apology for someone small*

Secure: idk, healthy middle

Avoidant: ...they're mad at me?, nit gonna be around for that, wait it out, hopefully they'll forget about it and I won't ever bring it up again in case they forgot.

I'm not actually sure if this is true, so someone either confirm or deny my understanding of attachment theory or tell me how I'm kinda right

[secretlythepits]

Love in Action, Love in the Stars

I’ve vacillated on how I feel about the idea of love languages. When I first heard about it, I was gobsmacked. Amazing! That was years before I even met my husband, when I was utterly single.

At one point in my marriage, when I was a bit frustrated, I remembered and tried to work with it. I told my husband about it, but he didn’t really take it in or care much. Still, I observed him and saw him give me Acts of Service. I mirrored him because I saw that’s what he liked. Mostly, whenever I wanted to bring us closer, I’d bring him beverages as a quick way to connect: Ice water when he was outside, a beer or coffee if he was watching tv. It sounds funny, but we’ve always been good at responding to each other’s small gestures. If one of us takes a step closer, the other does the same.

But he wouldn’t/ couldn’t speak to me in my love languages: Affection and Words of Affirmation. I continued to speak his language and mine to him, but he only replied in his. After a time, I started feeling resentful. I saw the feminist problem with love languages: that women are the ones who primarily read about and apply this idea, while men just keep doing what they always did. Did love languages con me into doing all the work in the relationship and trick me into giving him a free pass?

I stopped my Acts of Service campaign and he didn’t notice or make more of an effort, but things got less pleasant between us. I started speaking more frankly and harshly about my needs not being met. I learned about attachment styles and guess who is anxious and guess who is avoidant? There was a stale mate in the air as we needed to change but I was no longer willing to do my part without getting what I wanted in return.

And then I rekindled my long lost love of astrology. I went deeper than ever before, getting into planets and houses and transits. My husband is a Capricorn. My dear friend, who is both a kindergarten teacher and an astrologist, observed that my husband shows his love and devotion through action. That’s being a Capricorn, the cardinal earth sign. It is who he is and who he has always been and if I looked at just his actions, I would see a pattern of consistent effort demonstrating how much he loves me.

I am a Scorpio, the deepest water sign. In fact, I am a fixed water sign, so I’ll always want to stay in the deep waters of emotions. Words and feelings are ocean in which I exist.

For some reason astrology resonates more profoundly with me than love languages and attachment styles. All three thought methods explained our differences, but astrology taught me not to try to change it. Astrology invites me to just accept it. We are who we are and rather than trying to change each other, bridge a gap, or heal deep trauma wounds. I can just observe, accept, and appreciate our differences.

Right now, our house is project central. My husband is hiring people right and left and wielding chainsaws and screwdrivers to put our house in tip-top shape. He is taking care of our future needs as best he can, while he still has strength. It is love in action. It’s also the fear he can’t find words for. It’s also my practical earth sign being who he has always been and will always be: someone who takes care of business.

And when I bring him a glass of water, when I handle the serious talks with the kids, I am being who I am: the water sign who has the language and insight to flow into the gaps of silence and complete the understanding.

It feels so good to settle

into the stars.

[thereareeyesinsidethetrees]

post on tv head falls we said was coming

y’know the style. we ain’t talking flatscreens here, we’re talkin BOX

this one is in bullet points! enjoy :3

-tv ford’s stay in the lost and found au is temporary and he does make it home eventually. while he stays there, he’s alone. his stan is not with him

-tv ford is taller than other fords.

-at some point in the multiverse, he figured out how to detach his head without injuring himself and he uses it as a party trick to scare the shit out of people. he’s only barely taller than other fords without his tv head. he is, by his very nature, still a short king

-they have wires. for example, ford has wires that are attached to the tv and get tucked into his neck. every so often, he has to pull them out and repair these wires because they fray more easily than they should

-he prefers to have his screen blank most of the time. stan only turns his screen off when he’s not acting or in public

-(every now and then, when he’s completely alone, tv stan likes to play videos of the ocean on his screen)

-ford has added several customizations to his tv head. these include stickers once he gets back home. he also lets both of the niblings add a paint handprint. in the multiverse, he had these sorts of wing-blade things added to the side of the tv head cause he thought they looked cool. y’know how like in some hermes designs, he’ll have little wings sprouting from the sides of his head? they’re like that, except they don’t move

-once ford gets home, stan gets a completely new look for his tv head. gives it a new coat of paint, adds some charms and stickers, and even adds a few gold piercings. while he’s figuring out what charms to get, he buys some for ford too

-when he first started his business, he repainted his tv to look more like ford’s. he tried to fix it whenever the paint would chip or get stained or scratched, but gave up after only a few tries. he found it easier on his psyche to just. not try. let it dirty up

-on the stan o’ war ii, ford makes sure stan takes better care of it. sometimes he just does it for him and other times he draws silly doodles on him so he has to fix it up. stan keeps a few of the doodles

-their outfit swap during weirdmaggedon is focused more on trying to make one’s tv head look like the other. adding dirt and smudges to cover up scratches and chips in paint, scratching off paint in the other…ford even broke off the wing blades so they wouldn’t be a dead give away

-in their world, bill died suddenly to the canon twins and they didn’t end up needing to erase him themselves. it was so abrupt and confusing that they frequently get anxious about it, wondering what happened to him, why he turned to stone, whether or not he could come back. stan still struggles with mind fog and memory because it’s our au and we can do that

-initially after weirdmaggedon, ford didn’t want to have the wing blades put back on. eventually stan made him some new ones as best he could to put back on because breaking off the first pair had damaged the tv and leaving it open would just damage it more over time

-ford attached some charms and keychains to the wing blades. he likes to stim with them by shaking his head side to side and hearing them jingle

-stan is a big fan of using his screen for jokes. after setting sail, that’s about the only time he turns it on

-(he also uses it once or twice to remind ford what glass shard beach looked like)

-stan has prosthetic antennae. unlike ford, he can take them off if he doesn’t want to listen to you. ford’s are all bent up. interestingly, they primarily affect his ability to communicate and not his hearing. he often communicates through writing and/or hand gestures as a result of this

-their screens can open up into sharp mouths to bite things. ford has also used this to scare people in the past. stan can’t do this anymore due to. ahem. past incidents. ford is more than happy to bite anyone or anything for him. if you look inside the mouth, you’ll see nothing but inky darkness. the ‘teeth’ are made up by the screen itself. sorta like that one guy from the thing. it opens up and oh fuck there’s sharp stabby bits now

-ford’s hands wore down a lot in the multiverse. because of this, they’re very visibly metal. stan helps to remove as much rust as he can from them and they regularly take breaks to remove any new rust that’s popped up while sailing

-despite what that previous point may imply, they are very much still biological creatures and will very much still bleed, starve, dehydrate, and feel pain, among other things

-they are indeed still trans 🏳️‍⚧️

-‘if they have screens, what about glasses?’ glad you asked! next bullet points are all about that

-for nearsightedness and farsightedness, a lens is applied over the screen to help focus light. these are checked and replaced over an individual’s lifetime, much like human glasses

-much like real life, these lenses do not treat cataracts

-fiddleford’s screen is partially blank and partially dark green to match with his canon glasses. his specific lens helps to focus his vision together into one place. in other words, they work exactly like his canon glasses (which treat his lazy eye)

-ford is surprised to find that not everyone sees the world through static like he does

-most importantly: them being tv heads does not mean there are magical ‘cures’ for everything. in other words, this au is NOT to be used to erase disabilities of any kind

-uhhhh that’s all ae think? send in asks about tv head falls or moth falls and we will happily answer them :3c

[x-honeycomb-x]

explaining (forced) detrans kink with anxious attachment style

yesterday i watched this video that explains how Lana Del Rey's lyrics reflects/describes the anxious attachment style. i identify with this attachment style a lot, and it got me thinking how i experience detrans kink with this lens.

for the context, if you received inconsistent help and affection as a child, you learn that the help is there, you just need to dramatize your emotional reactions to get a response. and with that comes unstable sense of self and strong abandonment issues. you would do anything to get people to stay in your life, and don't know what to do on your own.

((anxious attachment style manifests differently in everyone, im just talking about my own experience here))

1) you wanna change yourself to be loved

people with anxious attachment style can have an unstable sense of self, they predict what kind of people someone might want, and then change their sense of self (clothing, hobbies, personality, gender etc) to be what the desired person's wants. so that person would stay in their life.

and this can manifest in detrans kink in a narrative of "i want someone to mould me into their perfect girl". "i want someone to force me back into a girl, and show my parents that they have fixed their daughter." for me, i don't have/need an actual person in my life to change for, but it was my experience of "love", that "changing myself" is a "love language", i crave the dissociative feeling that comes with self-objectification. that (from coming out trauma) loving me means wanting me so much they must change me into an image that they want.

2) you use a fantasy (limerence) to cope, and lose touch with reality

people with anxious attachment might have an imagined (version of) relationship with unavailable/abusive people. maybe they have an intense crush on someone, imagining their lives together, although they barely talk in real life. and that fantasy help them cope with difficulties in life, such as losing support from a parent, difficult school time, or an abusive situation. because you can make yourself busy fantasizing about the person, and not having to think about the troubles. or think the abuser actually isn't that bad.

and that's how i've used kinky/derogatory porn to cope with not having enough support growing up. i like to look at pretty e-girls or traditional women, and think if i was forced to be like that, be forced to live like a cis woman, then i would be shown off by a partner, and be desired by a lot of people, they would like me and have children with me, and i could have cis woman pretty privilege again, or have lots of fantastic sexual adventures.

and i look at content like that everyday for a few hours to cope (bc i goon, also bc of my gender-fluidity,) at one point they feel almost real to me. and i forgot that i am not those white e-girls or traditional asian wives. i am me. with my own style, personality, aspirations and trans joy/struggle. and i have such a strong fantasy of who i would be sexually, i struggle with feeling sexy with my real self. it's hard to cum without imagining myself as a sexy e-girl or wife-material girl with child-bearing hips and long wavy hair.

there are more traits with anxious attachment style but that is all i have in mind now. just wanna share my experience.