#how to I explain to my parents that sometimes I just need comfort bc advice makes me feel useless

[victory-cookies]

.

[tammyu2]

Hey guys it been a while but I’m back with some ninjago content wooo!!

Dating the ninjas include:

Lloyd

I think you guys would be a enemies to lovers. He was cautious of you at first until he started warming up to you then he became your bestie.

When he realised he like you my boy was shyyyy. But he kept it in the inside and pretended to be more tuff for you. But sometimes he would get distracted and completely lose his tuff boy persona. Things like little touches here and there. Such as you both grazed hands or you fall and he catches you.

Buddy is blushinggg- Of course he doesn’t tell the rest of the ninja but he does drop hints here and there for advice.

“Hey Im asking for a friend- how do you flirt with a girl you kinda sorta like?”

The team is sus and deffo teases him on it a lot. So every but you know.

Once you two tie the not he is clingy. Cause his parents never hugged him enough (wow that was fowl of me-)

He always touches you in some way. Like either your holding hands, his arm is around you, etc.

He will only fully trust you with his deep past (if you don’t know it by then) later on in the relationship in fear that you will leave him.

When you don’t?- man had to restrain himself from both crying and proposing then and there.

Over all he is clingy and need affirmation that you love him cause of his extreme trust issues🫶

Cole

I feel like he is the type to not stress to much over crushing on you but at the same time. If anything goes wrong then it’s the end of the world.

The type to be like “Psh it’s not that hard. Your just having a normal conversation with your crush.” But when it happens he is all like “AHH I HOPE MY BREATH DONT STINK. DID I PUT ON MY SPECIAL COLON ON TODAY??”

He confesses to you with a burnt cupcake. He tried his best okay?? Leave the poor guy alone >:|

When you guys date he is definitely more layed back and comfortable around you. He trusts you more and you know he likes you so there’s no need to worry.

He honestly seems like that classic jockey bf minus the masoginistic mindest. He is actually a heavy feminist I believe.

But he is supper proud to show you off. Every chance he gets he talks about you. Man is not afraid to show off his amazingly beautiful partner.

Lou loves you. He actually books you and Cole private seat tickets whenever he has a show and you guys are in town for it.

Overall he is a loving chilled back man that is just so inlove with you.

Zane

He is an nindroid and naturally he always knows what’s wrong with him. But for some reason whenever he us around you his circuits combust. He had an idea of what he had but how could a android such as himself possibly have.. fallen in love with you?

It takes him a while to actually understand the full extent on his feelings towards you bc you are his first. But once he does he really doesn’t change his demeanour around you. It’s not like it changes anything it’s just a subconscious thing that he knows he likes you.

He will give you little gifts tho. And always help you out with anything that involves artificial intelligence.

When you two confessed he kissed you out of nowhere leaving you a flustered mess. It went down like this:

“What the?? Zane!! You can’t kiss someone out of nowhere! You caught me off guard..”

“But is it not true that I like you and you like me so that makes us a couple? And don’t couples kiss?”

“Yes but no. I’m gonna need to sit down and explain to you how timing works aren’t I?-“

After a bit he learned more about relationships and such. He still is lost here and there but he has the hang of it down. He is quite similar to Cole and is not very concerned about your relationship. Not that he doesn’t love you. It’s just a casual thing for him.

He makes a date for you two to try your best at hard or homey recipes to test both his cooking skills but also your knowledge on food as a whole. It’s a nice bonding thing you two do.

But over all he is a non chalant protective boyfriend that is just a little confused but has the spirit anyway!

Jay

When he starts liking you it’s obvious to everyone including you. He stutters and always blurts out complements not realising you hear them. He is always nervous and sweaty and he fidgets with his hands and is a complete mess for you.

He is a blabber mouth whenever he has the chance to bring you up. And he always sighs dreamily after as if he was a Disney princess or smth.

When you two confess he was loosing it. Like man was ready to pull out his hairs from nervousness. Luckily thanks to you he was much more calmed down after.

When you two date he is at your service at you command. Anything and everything if it’s possible he will give to you if you simply ask him. He will go out his way to show you how special you are to him and how much he loves you.

If you thought lloyd was clingy? He is NEXT LEVEL! Man is literally a koala. Unless on missions he will spontaneously combust without being with you.

His parents absolutely adore you. They love you so much you may as well have been their own daughter. They always ask Jay to bring you around for lunch or something just to see you again.

Over all He is a lovey dovey boyfriend who absolutely is yours till the rest do time even if god truck him down. So he’s a huge simp.

Sorry guys I’m rlly tired I will do Nya and Kai another day. Tata! Hope you guys stay healthy and stay safe!

~Tammy<3

[my-castles-crumbling]

Hi, I need some advice (if you're comfortable ofc) so basically, I've come out as trans to my dad, and he says he's fine with it, but he's kind of ignoring it? (still calling me his daughter, using she/her, etc), and I dunno if it's bc my mom doesn't know, but he still uses those when we're in private or in public without my mom so I think need to kinda sit down with both my parents and be like hey, I'm trans but idk how to go about doing that so if you could give some ideas that would be really really helpful. tysm!

Hi hon!

Sorry it took me so long to get to this!

I think it’s definitely important to sit them both down, yeah. I think also, when you do, it’s important to stress how important this is to you. Unfortunately, sometimes adults don’t take their kids seriously when they come out, because they think it’s just a phase. It sounds like maybe your dad isn’t taking you seriously. The more you can act maturely and explain your feelings, the more seriously they’ll take you. Explain that this is who you are, that you dislike being misgendered, and that you really want their support. Practice it a few times to yourself!

If you do this, it will help you have a calm discussion that will hopefully be respected ��️

I’m sending you all the luck!

[animeomegas]

MY FELLOW ANON ARE VIOLATING MY EMOTIONS TODAY 😂 god I’m acc crying. Your writing is amazing. I’m gonna combat the sadness with a wholesome thing of them finding a pup in a bin (or something) a few months after the loss of the first pup (Neji is currently shut down entirely) is like “lol gimme”. Proceeds to take the pup home, put it in his nest scent the lil bean (gender is your choice) and just be like “yeah this mine now”. Any nay sayers are ignored bc it’s still his baby (maybe almost like his pup reincarnated 👀👀) regardless of how baby was obtained. Idk I just think my guy needs some positivity after life kicking the ever loving shit out of him

This is beautiful and you’re right, Neji deserves the world, but I’ll settle with a quiet life and some happiness for my boy!

Okay, so things haven’t been…good with Neji since you had to let your pup die to save him.

It has been two months and still he lays in his nest every day, sometimes crying, sometimes whining, but mostly just staring at nothing. He had incorporated a bunch of baby stuff (blankets, toys etc.) into his nest before he went to the hospital, in order to make his pup feel more at home in the nest when he was supposed to bring them back. You had tried to take them out to stop him having to be confronted with what happened in his safe space, but Neji almost attacked you for doing so, so you let him keep them.

But it’s very concerning when he spends hours at a time just stroking the pup's blankets and staring at nothing.

So, you decide to take Neji on a walk to get him out of the house. It would be his first time leaving the house since the funeral.

You go at night time, because Neji is still refusing any contact with anyone he knows and this way he’s less likely to be confronted when he isn’t ready for it. To make extra sure that you can be alone, you decide to walk around the edge of the woods around one of the quieter training grounds.

Neji doesn’t speak much, but he doesn’t whine or cry either, and the night air brings a little colour to his cheeks, and you’re so happy at the small improvements. It doesn’t matter how long it ends up taking him to feel better, you’ll be here with him the whole way.

…

“I was thinking about cooking something special next week,” you make idle conversation, not expecting Neji to reply. “It’s our anniversary after all, do you have any preference?”

Neji stops walking suddenly. His shoulders are tense.

“Neji?”

He hushes you harshly.

“I can hear…”

Without another word of warning, Neji makes his way a little further into the trees. You follow him, confused and worried.

“Byakugan!” he calls, scanning the area. He gasps as he scans over a nearby bush and immediately he drops to his knees beside it.

“Neji?” you ask, now more than a little concerned. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

You watch as Neji pulls something out of the bush. He turns around with a bundle in his arms.

“It’s a pup,” Neji says, obviously shocked. You can’t blame him, you’re feeling more than a little shocked yourself. What on earth was a pup doing out here? “They’re freezing. Give me your jacket.”

Without hesitance, you quickly slip your jacket of and hand it to Neji who promptly bundles up the pup in it and brings them to his chest. The pup is making small whimpering noises that had been almost impossible to hear over the wind. Neji must have hear them, thank goodness.

“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” Neji coos to the pup. “You’re safe now, I'll take you home and make it better, I promise.”

“We need to get them to the hospital asap," you say, shaking your head. "They must be freezing and they look underweight as well. We’re not mednin, Neji.”

“Our home is closer.”

“Neji…”

“We need to make sure they’re warm,” he argues. “We can bring them home and alert a medic to make a home visit.”

You look at the earnest look on his face and know that he won’t back down, and now isn’t a time for arguments anyway.

“Okay,” you swallow nervously. “We’ll bring them home.”

…

You bring the pup back to your home and before you can protest, Neji brings them into his nest with a mumbled ‘they’ll be warm in there’.

Neji bundles himself and the pup up in the corner of the nest, turning on a little heater beside him, and tucking the pup into his shirt to share body warmth.

“We’ll get you nice and warm, it’s okay, you’re safe, I won’t let anyone harm you,” he whispers while stroking their cheek with a finger. The pup wriggles around, already looking more energetic, and starts mouthing at Neji’s chest.

“Are you hungry?” Neji laughs softly before turning to you. “Go and heat up a bottle for the pup, all the supplies are in the… the nursery.”

You nod dumbly and do as you’re asked, astounded at how much life is in Neji’s eyes. It’s the most life you’ve seen from him in months. But you can’t help but worry. What if Neji gets attached and you can’t keep the pup? Of course, you want nothing more than to keep the baby, it almost seems too good to be true that she literally fell into both your lives at this trying time, but what if it is too good to be true? What if they’re sick? Or their parents are looking for them? Or… something else. Neji doesn’t deserve another heartbreak, and you don’t want to destroy the small amount of progress he’s made in the last month.

But for now, all you can do is heat up the bottle.

…

“Here, it’s a good temperature, I already checked,” you pass Neji the bottle. He checks it again anyway and you can’t help but smile at how overprotective and parental he's being. It's so bittersweet to see him like this.

“Here you go sweetheart, just for you,” Neji smiles, cradling the pup as they latch onto the bottle with fervour. “Shh, shh, shh, slow down, it’s not going anywhere.”

Neji feeds the pup and then burps them, and you pretend you can’t see him smiling when he notices that they are starting to smell like him. You need to know you can keep her before you let him get even more attached.

“I’m going to send a clone for a medic, now.”

The room became tense all at once.

“They’re fine, I’m looking after them,” Neji protests.

“I know, and you’re doing a good job, but we still need a medic, Neji.”

Neji holds the pup more tightly to his chest, tucking an extra blanket around them. He's using the special blanket you had got commissioned for your pup. You can feel your heart break at the sight. He's already attached. Now you just have to hope you can keep them. For his sake.

“I don’t want them to take the pup away like last time,” Neji admits softly. "I can look after them, I won't let anything happen like last time, I promise. They'll be safe, we don't need a medic."

“We need to know their primary and secondary gender, omega, and we need to make sure they aren’t sick after being left in the woods…”

Neji hesitates but nods his consent in the end after you explain that your pup could become ill if left untreated. You don’t tell him that you are also sending a clone to the Hokage. Naruto will be able to grant you and Neji the right to keep the pup, and you hope that as Neji’s friend, he’ll be able to see how much he needs this.

…

You have to move Neji and the pup downstairs to wait for the medic, because Neji would not appreciate someone unknown seeing his nest he made for his pup. He’s not expecting Naruto to show up as well so you go to the door to intercept and prep them both.

“Thank you so much for coming, Naruto, I can’t tell you how much this means to me and Neji,” you say, hugging him as he walks through the door.

“I’m going to do everything I can,” he promises. “If the medic finds signs of long-term neglect, I can take the parental rights away from the biological parents straight away, even if I don't know who they are, and transfer you the rights.”

Your face visibly brightens, but Naruto continues.

“But if the only injuries are from laying in the forest for a few hours, I’ll have to try and find the parents first, because the child may have been taken from them by force, when the pup was otherwise a healthy baby being looked after sufficiently. In that circumstance, I’ll have to take the child back with me and put them in foster care until a three-month window has passed. And if the parents are found…”

“I know,” you sigh. “Let’s just get this done as soon as possible.”

The three of you walk into the living to see Neji cradling the pup tightly against his chest.

“Hey Neji,” Naruto greets softly with a sad smile. “I haven’t seen you around for a while.”

Neji tenses upon seeing Naruto.

“Naruto? Why are you here?” Neji clearly misinterprets the situation, holding the pup even more tightly and turning accusatory eyes against you. “Why did you bring him here?”

“I’m here to determine whether the pup was abandoned or kidnapped to the best of my abilities, once we have that done, we can decide how things are going to happen, okay?”

“How do you decide that?” Neji asks with distrustful eyes.

“The medic will give them a check-up, completely routine, I promise,” Naruto speaks with a soft voice like he’s talking to a cornered animal. Well, you look at Neji for a moment who is coiled as tightly as spring, he’s not far off.

It takes about five minutes for you to convince Neji to let go of the pup and hand them to the mednin, and then the next fifteen minutes involve you holding him in your arms to stop him wrestling the pup back from the mednin.

And then, rather ominously, the mednin pulls Naruto aside to talk.

Neji is shaking in your arms.

“It’s okay, calm down, Neji,” you try to comfort him.

“I can’t-“ Neji chokes, hands fisting in your shirt. “He has our pup, you let them take our pup.”

You don’t bother to correct him on his use of ‘our’, knowing it would only upset him more.

“I know baby, but they need to see that they’re healthy, nothing’s wrong, just breathe.”

Neji doesn’t take your advice.

"Last time they took them-"

"This isn't like last time, omega. Come one, try and settle down a little, that's it."

...

Naruto eventually walks back in, holding the pup securely, the mednin nowhere to be seen.

“So,” Naruto says seriously. And then his face breaks out into a wide grin. “Am I right in thinking you want to adopt?”

You can almost feel your relief in the air. Thanking every power that be for this stroke of luck. Losing this pup could have easily meant losing your mate, and the gravity of the situation all comes crashing down at once. Neji looks as though he is feeling much the same.

“Give me them,” he orders, arms out.

“Her,” Naruto corrects. “The mednin said she’s a female alpha.”

Tears start welling up in Neji’s eyes as he takes her. Their bio pup was a female alpha, too.

“Thank you,” he whispers to no one, holding his new pup as tightly as he dared. “I’ve got you now, you’re safe and sound with me, I won’t let anything hurt you ever again.”

Naruto slips out of the house without a fuss, dropping the mednin’s recommendations for feeding the underweight pup on the coffee table.

...

You and Neji take your new pup upstairs and bundle her back into the nest. Neji lays down with her, stroking her cheek as he watches her sleep.

“You need to get some rest too, omega,” you suggest, running a hand down Neji’s back.

“Guard?” he asks in response.

“Yes," you smile at his protective instincts. "I’ll guard the nest while you sleep, I promise.”

“Okay, alpha…” Neji settles down, still with one hand resting on the pup. “But if I don’t wake up when she cries, wake me… I want to be the one to feed her.”

You laugh gently, “Of course, now get some sleep. I’ll guard you both.”

[loveyhoneydovey]

Joaquín Torres as a Dad part two

Note: I did it again. I can't help myself fejnsdfwe. This one is a bit more focused on what he would be like with a daughter, but it's still about what he'd be like as a dad in general. The plot was kind of inspired by a comment someone left on AO3. Also I've included a bit of Sam and Bucky in this

All my stories are written with a bisexual reader of colour in mind, but anyone else is more than welcome to read them

Joaquín Torres x fem!Reader

Warnings: mentions of infertility, pregnancy, mental health issues and adoption

· okay so this one is going to be a bit different from the last one

· remember how I said sometimes he’d bring back animals he found on missions

· well one day, this man came home with a whole baby

· when you asked what was going on, he explained to you he had found her on a mission with Sam and that she was an orphan

· he didn’t know what to do at first, but when he’d heard her cry, his paternal instincts kicked in

· he decided to bring her home with him, and although it was a lot, you understood the reason behind it

· you discussed what your next step should be for a few days, although deep in your heart you knew you wanted to keep her and so did he

· you had some complications when you were pregnant with your son, which made getting pregnant again very difficult for you

· you were both heartbroken by that, but you also didn’t want to dwell on it. You already were so lucky to have your baby boy and you knew there were other ways for you two to become parents

· you thought the fact that Joaquín found this little girl was a chance for the two of you to complete your family

· ok so listen

· Joaquín would be the best dad to her

· from the moment he brings her home, he starts buying her a shit ton of clothes, even if he knows she’ll grow out of them in the next few months

· loves spoiling her. He has this tradition where if he goes on a mission to another country for a long period of time, he will bring back a souvenir to your son, and now he would do the same with her

· gets you and her matching outfits, the way you did with him and your son

· sometimes you all wear outfits that colour coordinate because you and he think it’s cute

· he knows she’s a baby and doesn’t remember what happened to her, but he’s afraid she’ll subconsciously feel alone because of everything that went on. So he spends a lot of time with her just keeping her company, even if she doesn’t understand much yet

· likes reading to her and her older brother bedtime stories or interacting with them during moments like breakfast

· she LOVES it when he makes plane noises while feeding her. One time she laughed so hard she ended up regurgitating her food all over his shirt

· they both looked shocked for a second then they just started laughing again

· Joaquín and you would do scavenger hunts with them often. You thought it was a nice way to keep them entertained and thought it would push them to become more observant. And of course, they looked forward to the sweet treats they'd be rewarded with

· she’s a daddy’s girl. She loves you too of course, but she’s glued to him most of the time. Especially when he first brings her in

· she would wake up often during the night or sometimes she’d get restless and frustrated since she’s not used to this new environment yet, but he never loses his patience

· his goal is to make your babies feel safe, whatever it takes. So he will wake up and stay up the whole night if it makes them feel better

· you end up buying those twin strollers and Joaquín is usually the one pushing it while you’re taking pics secretly bc god he’s such a dilf

· sometimes instead of putting her in the stroller, he'd carry her on his shoulder while she excitedly points at everything she sees

· he always says the names of the things she points out so she can learn at the same time

· like "yes, that's a butterfly!! and that's a leaf!"

· you also end up buying him a “yoda sexiest dilf” mug which he ends up using regularly

· sometimes you’d try to kiss him and she’d stick her hand between your mouths to stop it 💀and since both your kids love to copy each other, your son starts doing it to

· Joaquín would have such a hard time saying no to her, especially because she mastered the puppy eyes look (which her older brother has definitely taught her)

· Also, just like with your son, he would be her biggest fan. If she displays interest in any type of activity, he does his best to encourage her to pursue it

· when you had your son, he had made a scrapbook where he kept pictures of the most important moments in his life, and he did the same for her

· you and Joaquín also do your best to incorporate the culture of the country she came from into your lives, because you didn’t to erase where she was from

· instead, you wanted her to feel accepted, even if she was still young to understand

· both Joaquín and you would be super open about mental health with them as they grow up. You wanted them to know that just because they were young it doesn’t mean they can’t have struggles

· you definitely introduce therapy to them to (because everyone should see a therapist)

· can we talk about how Sam and Bucky would be the best uncles?

· your daughter would be OBSESSED with Bucky’s metal arm and that doesn’t bother Joaquín at all

· she prolly chews on his metal fingers when she’s teething cause it helps with the discomfort 💀

· he doesn’t know how to deal with it at first, but it’s not like she gave him a choice ajjekfjdskc

· much like she does with you and Joaquín, if Sam tries to kiss Bucky, she’s sticking her hand in there 😌

· Sam was much more comfortable with them since he has more experience dealing with kids. Your son LOVES to play with his shield (bc he’s captain America I said what I said)

· Sam also being very supportive mental health wise. The fact that he worked with veterans in the past and even had his own struggles to deal made him great at giving good advice and listening (this man deserves the world)

· in conclusion, Joaquín would be such a supportive and present dad for all his kids. The kind who just wants them to be happy and healthy and to do whatever makes them feel fulfilled

tags: @littlekidsteve @need-serious-help @tkachuk-dubois @parkjammys @pm-my-hubbies lmk if you wanna be untagged or tagged!!

[kyber-crystal]

Whatever it Takes

Pairing: Steve Rogers x Reader

Words: ~4.1k

Summary: In which Steve is always there for you through thick and thin. And in return, even when everything seems like it’s going wrong, you give him hope for a better future.

Warnings: angst (I mean this is Endgame, what do you expect), soft steve, mentions of death, violence

A/N: CRINGEY AF BC THIS IS AN OLD ONESHOT. I’m currently working on something else so I’m just putting this up as a filler oops

Tags: @pies-writes-and-more​ as always :)

Steve sat outside the compound staring at the floor, deep in thought. With the only possibility of victory no longer an opportunity, he didn't know what else to do. 

Then, a deafening noise broke the silence in the distance and he glanced up, seeing a familiar Audi R8 speeding towards the entrance. The car pulled over to him but went a bit too far, then reversed. Tony rolled down the window as he stopped.

"Why the long face? Let me guess, he turned into a baby."

"Among other things, yeah. What are you doing here?"

Tony got out of the car and walked around to the back, ignoring his question. "That's the EPR Paradox. Instead of pushing Lang through time, you might've wound up pushing time through Lang. It's tricky. Dangerous. Somebody should've cautioned you against it."

"You did."

"Oh, did I? Thank God I'm here. Regardless, I fixed it," He held up his right hand with a device on it, "A fully-functioning Time-Space GPS. I just want peace. Turns out, resentment is corrosive, and I hate it."

"Me too."

"We got a shot at getting these stones, but I gotta tell you my priorities: Bring back what we lost? I hope, yes. Keep what I got? I have to, at all costs. And...maybe not die trying will be nice."

"Sounds like a deal," Steve nodded, reaching out to shake his hand.

Tony reached back into his trunk to pull something else out, Steve's shield. He handed it over to him but he hesitated for a moment.

"Tony..."

"Why? He made it for you," he referred to his father, "Plus, honestly I have to get it out of the garage before Y/N sneaks over and takes it sledding. I wouldn't give up just yet."

He finally took the shield from him and fit his arm into it.

"Thank you, Tony."

"Will you keep that a little quiet? Didn't bring one for the whole team....We are getting the whole team, yeah?"

"We're working on that right now."

"Steve."

The super-soldier looked up, confused at the sudden seriousness in his tone. "Yeah?"

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being there for Y/N...when I failed to do that, you were there to take my place," he explained. "Being a single parent was the toughest job I was ever faced with. Her mother disappeared without another word as soon as she gave birth, and I was left to handle Y/N all on my own. I was only 18. I'd made a shit ton of reckless decisions before and now, I was stuck and didn't know what to do. So for her entire life, before Pepper came along, she had to grow up with only one parent. She became defensive and cold-hearted and I couldn't do anything about it. I try to push her, she pushes back, or she shuts herself out altogether. I try to understand why, she sinks deeper. Sometimes I don't know just what's going on with her and as much as I try to be understanding, I can't. But you saved her, Rogers. I don't know what you've been doing to make her change but it's working, and I want to thank you for that."

"Tony, you did a good job raising her. But you have the rest of the team to thank as well."

"I think she's softened up because of you."

"What do you mean?"

"I've never seen her look at a man the way she looks at you," the billionaire pointed out.

"With hatred and a burning passion to kill me if I ever stepped onto her bad side?"

"No, her eyes get all sparkly and shit. She's in love with you. But I swear, if you do anything to hurt her and break her heart, I'll kill you with my bare hands."

Steve's eyes widened slightly, and he put his hands in the air in surrender. "Okay, I won't."

"One more thing?"

"Yeah?"

"If all of this, what we're doing somehow goes south, something goes wrong, I need you to promise me one thing. Take care of Y/N. I need someone to watch over her when I'm gone, and I don't think there's anyone more qualified for that job than you."

"I promise."

...

"And I...am...Iron Man."

You looked over in horror to see Tony snap his fingers with a loud 'CLANG' and a blinding flash of white. Rocket fired at a Leviathan and before it devoured him, it crumbled into ash. The Black Order started crumbling to ash as well. T'Challa and Quill looked around in surprise; Steve looked on in exhaustion, knowing that they had won. Thanos, in horror, looked around and saw his entire army disintegrate. He looked at Steve, who just stared blankly at him. Thanos sat down, mourning before slowly being erased from existence himself.

The raw power of the gauntlet's energy left Tony's entire right side fatally injured. He stumbled for a bit before his body collapsed besides a pile of debris. Rhodey soon swooped in and went up to see his long time colleague and friend slowly fading away before his eyes and not long after, Peter did the same as well.

"Mr. Stark?" Peter ran up to his fallen mentor, tears forming at the edges of his eyes. "Can you hear me? It's Peter. Hey. We won, Mr. Stark. We won. You did it, sir. You did it. I'm sorry—Tony—"

He barely had any energy left to respond as Peter choked on a sob, wrapping his arms around him before gently being led aside by Wanda as she put a comforting arm around his shoulders.

Pepper sat down in front of him, "Hey."

Tony was barely able to move his head, but managed to look her in the eyes. "Hey, Pep..."

She placed her hand on his arc reactor, and he rested his hand on hers as she took a good look at his injuries.

"F.R.I.D.A.Y?"

"Life functions critical."

Tony smiled with tears in his eyes.

"Dad? Hey, you're okay," you said softly as you approached him, "You did it. We're gonna be okay."

"Hey, angel," he said weakly as he took your hand in his. You tried to ignore how deathly cold it felt. "You did so well. I'm so proud of you."

"Tony. Look at me," Pepper moved closer to you as she made sure Tony got a long look at her smiling face. You involuntarily leaned into her, as you felt the familiar sting of tears to your eyes. "We're gonna be okay. You can rest now."

With that acknowledgement, the light in his arc reactor flickered off for good. Unable to contain your grief, you let out a tortured cry, sobbing into Pepper's chest as she started to cry on his shoulder.

Earth's best defender was dead.

Dead.

Your father, your everything, the light of your life. Dead.

You flinched when you felt someone's hand on your shoulder all of a sudden as you stood up, jolting you from your thoughts. Steve stood there with glassy, red-rimmed eyes, which was a rare sight because he never displayed any emotions other than confidence and complete control—and it was beginning to take a toll on your already broken heart. He was always strategizing and planning things out, charging headfirst into battle without a second thought and now he was on the verge of breaking down, tucking you close into his side.

So you let yourself collapse into his touch, a sob escaping your lips as you clung on to him like you did to Tony when you were a little girl.

You're not quite sure how long you stand there like that, tightly clutching America's war hero like you'll slip away if you let go. He was a life raft, and you were stranded at sea, hopelessly lost with the stormy waves violently crashing over you and choking you as you struggled to escape.

Eleven years. Eleven years had passed since you first met Steve Rogers, and his unwavering promise to you that he'd stay by your side no matter the circumstance still stood. Since the day you first joined the Avengers Initiative he'd been a major figure in your life, always sticking by and supporting you when no one else was around to do so. He picked you up when you fell; he didn't judge you on your rough past nor your worst mistakes.

Now you found that you were needing him more than ever.

And in that moment, Steve knew, he had to keep his promise. Not just for your sake, but for Tony's as well. 

So he swore to himself on his life that he’d never leave your side.

...

With a heavy heart, you dragged yourself out of bed to get ready for Tony's funeral. Alongside Pepper, you carried a wreath out of the house with his first arc reactor framed with the words 'Proof that Tony Stark Has a Heart' and laid it on the lake, watching as it slowly drifted away.

Everyone was finally gathered together as one, although it wasn't in the way you'd imagined it to be. Happy, Rhodey, Pepper, you, Peter and May. Thor. Bruce, Strange, Steve, Wong, Scott, Hope, Janet, Hank, Quill, and the rest of the Guardians. T'Challa, Okoye, and Shuri. Clint and his family. Wanda. Bucky. Sam, Harley Keener, Secretary Ross, Maria Hill, Carol, and even Fury, who was silently watching in the back.

After it ended you stood at the edge of the lake, hands stuffed in your leather jacket's pockets as you stared blankly out at the water. It was hard for you to think about how you were supposed to move on after losing one of the most important people in life, hard to imagine who you'd turn to now that the one man who gave you better advice than anyone you knew was gone.

"You know, I wish there was a way—that I could let him know," you said without looking behind to see Steve, who'd been watching you for a bit, "how much I loved him. Because I didn't get to tell him before he—you know."

"He knows," he said as you turned around to meet his gaze, "and he loved you more than anything." Almost as much as I do.

"I never got to tell him," your voice broke, lashes brimming heavy with unshed tears, "I just—I just wish I could turn back time and tell him that. But I didn't, and—"

Before you had the chance to finish your sentence, he circled his arms around your waist and pulled you close. At that moment you broke down into heaving sobs that ripped through your chest and your throat and your heart, unable to contain your grief for any longer, sobbing uncontrollably into his chest. And he just held you there in silence, rocking you back and forth slowly as your tears soaked his suit.

Steve wonders exactly how much more heartbreak he can take because to see you in a condition such as this one wasn't doing him any good, making his heart feel as if it was being shattered into a thousand pieces, then put back together only to be broken again into a million more smaller parts. He hated seeing the woman he cared about so much in pain and found himself wishing there was just some way he could just take it all away from you.

"I just really miss him," you choked out, "I...I don't know what Pepper and I are gonna do without him."

"I know. I miss him too," he murmured, pressing his lips to your forehead and pulling you closer, rubbing soothing circles onto your back. "We all do."

"You're not going to leave, are you?" you mumbled into his chest, "Please don't leave me."

"I won't, I promise," he reassured you, smoothing your hair back, "Whenever you need me, I'll be here."

"Okay," you let out a shuddering sigh, "okay."

...

You headed back inside, as Steve led you to the living room with a hand on the small of your back as you sat down on the couch, taking the letter that Happy gave to you.

"He hated writing letters. Always insisted on typing everything up, but he hand wrote this for your sake," Happy explained quietly. "I've never seen someone love their kid as much as he loved you."

"I loved him, too," you smiled sadly. "Thank you, Happy. For everything."

"No worries, sweetheart," he nodded solemnly. "Anything for his little girl."

The super-soldier gripped your hand encouragingly, lacing your fingers together and squeezing tightly as you unfolded the paper.

To my sweet Y/N.

If you're reading this, it means I've been faced with my untimely death. I mean, not that death at any time isn't untimely. This time travel thing that we're gonna try and pull off tomorrow...it's got me scratching my head about the survivability of it all. That's the thing. Then again, that's the hero gig. Part of the journey is the end. But what am I tripping for? Everything's gonna work out exactly the way it's supposed to.

When I first found out I was getting a daughter, I was sure I'd never be able to handle the responsibility of having a child. I didn't plan on becoming a parent so early and I was afraid, terrified I'd fail you as a father. And I feared that I did, many times. I was afraid you'd grow to resent me for what I'd done. But I persisted, because I wanted to give you the best possible life I could despite that raising you alone was probably the most difficult thing I've ever done. But it was all worth it in the end, because I got to see you grow up and become this beautiful, accomplished and talented young woman who would do anything for those she loves.

Look, I don't want you to make the same mistakes as I did. When the time comes, I want you to find a man that's willing to settle down with you and give you his whole heart- that's how you know he's the one. Hell, if you're going to go and get with Rogers, I wouldn't mind that either. Over this past decade, I've never seen someone as dedicated to protecting you and staying loyal to you as him and if you decide to get together, I'd be more than happy to give you my blessing. Honestly, I think the entire team's been shipping you two since the day you first met (Don't tell Sam I exposed him as a softie, though, he's going to kill me if I do. Or Clint). Seriously, though. Capsicle loves you, more than you'll ever know. And much more than he's willing to admit himself.

Don't be afraid. Don't be afraid to let your guard down, to be vulnerable and let the ones you love in. I know you're afraid of getting hurt, I know you believe that by building up those mile-high walls around your heart you think you're saving yourself, but it's really only going to hurt you in the long run. Love is messy. Sometimes you gotta suck it up and deal with the pain; that's just how it is. You get hurt, you get heartbroken, and there's a lot of blood, sweat, and tears. It's a messy process.

If you ever feel like giving up, like you just can't go on any further, just know that there's always someone out there who's rooting for you. You got me, the team. SHIELD's got your back, so does Happy, and even Peter. Know that there's always hope.

Remember that your past does not define who you are. Sometimes you can do everything right and things will still go wrong. The key is to never stop doing right.

You are not what has happened to you. You are what you choose to become.

Thank you for being born and coming into my life, becoming the best thing that's ever happened to a guy like me. Remember I'll always be with you no matter what, angel. I love you 3,000.

From, the arm-wrestling champion, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, your dad, and #1 fan. I love you so much. -T.S

A tear slipped down your cheek and dripped onto the paper, staining the corner with a dark spot as you folded it back up and set it on the table. You rested your head against Steve's broad shoulder as he wrapped an around your waist in a protective manner, pressing a lingering kiss to the side of your forehead.

...

Several days passed and Steve knew it was growing closer to the time he would be forced to make the most difficult decision of his life. As much as he wanted to stay, he knew what he was about to do was absolutely necessary to restore the universe to normal once again.

Night after night for the next three weeks, you woke up screaming with sweat streaming down your face, a shiver running down your spine and images of Tony dying in front of your eyes with you not being able to do anything about it flashing in your brain. He'd come into your room without question, climb into bed next to you, and hold you close, rocking you back and forth and humming old lullabies his mother used to sing to him as a child until you fell asleep, your breathing and rapid heartbeat finally steadying.

Everyone could tell something was going on between the two of you, but because you were so heavily weighed down by your grief that you didn't think before you did anything, they didn't question why you were suddenly so close to the super-soldier. He was your anchor, your safe haven you so desperately needed and were convinced would sink below your endless stream of thoughts without.

The dreaded day finally came and with a heavy heart, Steve got up and watched your peacefully sleeping figure in bed for a moment before leaving and heading outside.

Bucky, Bruce, and Sam were already waiting by the time he met them by the time machine.

He then walked over to Bucky. "Don't do anything stupid 'till I get back."

"How could I? You're taking all the stupid with you."

The two men both exchanged a quick hug with each other.

"Stay safe, buddy."

"It's gonna be okay, Buck. If this somehow—takes longer than it's supposed to—or I don't come back at all—promise me you'll watch out for her, alright?"

"I will," Bucky nodded.

Steve went over to the Quantum portal, donning the red and white suit.

"How long is this going to take?" you asked.

"For him? As long as he needs. For us? Five seconds," Bruce replied.

The super-soldier picked up Mjolnir 2013.

"Ready, Cap? Alright. We'll meet you back here, okay?"

"You bet."

"Going quantum. Three, two, one—"

With that, he disappeared into the quantum tunnel.

"And returning in five, four, three, two, one—"

Steve didn't appear on the pad right away, and Bruce looked around the equipment in confusion.

"Where is he?" Sam questioned.

"I don't know. He blew right by his time stamp. He should be here."

"Well, get him back."

"I'm trying."

"Get him the hell back!"

"I'm trying, I'm trying!"

"Sam," Bucky cut in.

Sam walked towards him, and him, Bucky, and Bruce saw his familiar broad-shouldered figure in the distance, so they went near him.

"Go ahead," Bucky gestured over to him with a small smile.

Sam went over to Steve, who was silently staring out at the water ahead with his hands stuffed in his pockets. He still looked the same, with his signature leather jacket and khakis. If it weren't for the subtle lines etched in his face from years of enduring hard battles against both himself and other enemies, from his newfound grief, one would think he was barely over thirty years old.

"Cap?"

"Hey, Sam."

"So did something go wrong, or did something go right?"

"Well, after I put the stones back, I thought, maybe I'll try some of that life Tony was telling me to get."

"How'd that work out for you?"

"It was beautiful."

"I'm happy for you. Truly."

"But when I saw how happy she looked living her life...I didn't want to take that away from her," the super-soldier explained. "Seeing that she was able to move on made me realize I could do the same. I can't stay in a relationship when I know my heart belongs to someone else. I made Stark a promise to look after her....I can't do that if I'm not here."

"Is that why you didn’t stay?"

"Yeah," Steve smiled faintly, "I couldn't leave her behind."

"Well, uh...she's inside, if you're looking for her—"

"Steve?"

"Uhhhhh....never mind, there she is," Sam gestured to you as you were stepping down the porch and making your way across the lawn to him. "You want me to give you two a moment?"

"Yeah. That'd be nice."

You picked up your pace, sprinting towards him as fast as you possibly could into his embrace. 

"Y/N—"

"Why'd you come back? I thought you were going to, you know—stay with Peggy—"

"I couldn't, Y/N, and you know that."

"Why not?"

He pulled away, letting his gaze linger on your face for a bit before brushing a stray hair behind your ear. "I made a promise I couldn't break. I'd never be able to forgive myself for it if I did."

"What promise?"

"Tony made me swear on my life that I'd stay no matter what happened."

"Steve..." your voice wavered as you forced yourself to look straight up at him, those icy-blue eyes that never seemed to fail to give you chills and make butterflies flutter around in your stomach, "Why did you throw away your one chance of having a happy ending? Now I'm the reason why your last chance of living the life you always wanted was taken away from you. I can't—I don't want to stop you from being with whom you love. You came back, even when you had the chance to live out the future that you'd been looking forward to for so long. And you didn't take it. Why?"

"I don't need to stay, when my entire future is standing right in front of me. Y/N, you are my future."

"Oh my god—"

"Shut up," Bucky hissed, elbowing Sam in the side, "let them be!"

"So he's been in love with her this entire time and I had no clue?! He's been in love with her for five whole years? Took them long enough."

"Ten. Catch up, birdbrain."

"Look, I'm sorry—"

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Steve reassured you in a soft voice, "I made my decision, and I'm staying here, whether you're in favor of that or not."

You let out something that was a mix of a choked sob and a laugh. "I can't get rid of you?"

"Unfortunately not," he chuckled, "as far as I know, you're sticking with me, because I love you too much to let you go."

"I hate to break the sentimental mood you've created here, you mumbled into his chest, "but...do you mean like...you're actually in love? Because that's what Dad would always say. If a man doesn't leave your side he either just wants to annoy the hell out of you, or is hopelessly in love with you."

"He's not wrong."

"Okay, then I—"

Steve quickly silenced you by leaning down and placing his lips lightly on yours, which took you completely by surprise. It was as if the entire world stopped when your lips met, your body warming up under his touch - a feeling that you'd never really get used to although you'd been working with him for as long as you could remember. You felt as if you were going to explode from the sheer amount of passion and adrenaline coursing through your body.

"I was going to say I love you too," you let out a sound that was a mix between a choked sob and a laugh. "before you—uh—cut me off like that."

"Oh," he chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly as his cheeks flushed a bright pink, "sorry."

"I'm gonna say it! You two. Have taken. Too damn long! To admit! You're in love! With each other!" Bucky clapped with every few words he said. "That’s all you say in response to her telling you she lo—"

"Man, shut the hell up," Sam grumbled. "as if you're dating anyone right now."

[sunatooru]

hellooo this is an emergency request pour moi pls. i really appreciate all the emergency requests you do btw, idk how you deal w all that stress AHAHA but um ig i just kinda want some comfort and highkey just validation. i tried to get my dad to stop treating me like a kid bc i’m 21 years old but it’s like whenever i tell my parents my emotions they just mock me for it and then when i say i don’t like that they tell me i’m being too sensitive and it sucks. my mum was on the phone w one of my aunties and my aunty says she still sees me as a cute little kid and i mean idk what to reply to that so i didn’t and it wasn’t bc i was upset, i just didn’t know what to reply yk. and then my mum told her that i don’t like being treated as a kid anymore clearly making fun of me like that has NO correlation to what she just said but anyways. ig i can understand it bc i was more of an adult at 19 pre covid than i am at 21 rn bc i’m unemployed and nearly done w my degree and idk what to do in the future. i can just, i’ve always felt like i don’t open up anymore and i can feel myself closing off more and more. i don’t think i’d ever open up about my feelings honestly bc they’re never validated, by parents or even my friends sometimes so yeah. LMFAOO this is just a vent at this point. i changed my mind about writing, i can’t even imagine a haikyuu character comforting me w/o me reading it and being skeptical. i’m just talking to you now, and idk if you wanna give me advice or comfort or even a similar life experience but that’s up to you babes. have a nice day/night and thanks for reading this word vomit lmfaoo

Hi lovely, I’m glad that you could get your emotions out here knowing that it’s harder to do irl. You can come here to vent whenever you want ☺️ This got kinda long but I wanted to cover everything so I added a readmore xx

I 100% understand what you mean and although it’s annoying, I know parents will always see their children as kids. I think them disregarding your wanting to be treated as an adult (which you are) is a little disheartening but I think it’s because they have probably seen you everyday. Like you won’t notice changes in a person unless you haven’t seen them for a while, so maybe that’s why they’re treating you the same as always. But them mocking you coming out and telling them how you feel is not nice. And if you try again with the same results then it’s an issue your parents need to fix. So don’t waste your energy on what you don’t have control over. Also if your friends aren’t understanding or comforting you then you should ask why. Because if you’re starting to close up then your friends should be more concerned and try to at least distract you with something fun.

And I’ve also found myself closing up more because it’s hard to explain pain sometimes but one day we’ll both be able to open up more 💕

Regarding life after your degree. I promise you, almost everyone is wary about their future. Especially with COVID making it harder for us young people to secure even a part time job. Also, it’s not necessary to know what you want to do in the future. Everyone thinks there’s a certain path to follow but really just follow your heart. And just because you don’t know now, doesn’t mean you’ll never know what to do. I think just focus on ending on a good grade and then in summer you can think about employment? Like there are many ways you could try to earn cash. If you’re good at DIY or like making stuff then you could sell them online. It’s going to be summer holidays and many parents work, if you like kids and are good with them you could check if anyone needs babysitters. Also, this might be good for when terms starts again, but tutoring is a good option. But do try looking for some summer temps or part time jobs so you have some independent income and also be out of the house more often. Don’t be demotivated if you can’t get a job!! Volunteering is always great just so you can feel like you’re doing something good and productive.

Oh and if your psychology department at your uni are recruiting participants then do it! They might compensate you (I once got £30 for 2.5hrs, which is great imo) so if there’s any experiments still running you might be able to grab some cash. Open a saving account too and check bank offers where you can get money for switching accounts!

If you change your mind and want some writing, let me know because they would never invalidate your feelings and mean every word they say to you. I hope I haven’t gone overboard but just remember it’s going to be okay and life gets better!!

Thank you and I hope you have a great day/night too 🤗❤️

[ichoriism]

@temporalobjects challenged: ♡ + jinwai and pinklei and samin... kyungcha?? lmao

jinwai

Who is the most affectionate? Jin, no contest. He is the one who puts his hands on Iwai frequently like placing them on his shoulders to get them somewhere, caress his hair, let fingertips tap Iwai’s cheeks now and then. The worst part is that his touching can be subtle and so soft because he’s not aware of the effect he can have on poor Iwai so— that’s their life in the future!

Who initiates the handholding? I was going to say Jin but no, this one goes to Iwai. Because handholding is a subtle display of intimacy, I can see Iwai being a bit shy/trying hard-to-be-casual as fingers skitter Jin’s way so he can hold his hand and it is so precious ;_;

Who worries more for the other? Both worry for each other but display it in different ways. Jin is transparent in his concerns so anything he wonders about he will be upfront with Iwai. Iwai may also ask but will probably try to find out more first—

Who is more likely to ask for help? Jin. He can be stubborn but he makes a point to ask for advice if the first attempt at something doesn’t go the way he wants it.

Who is the one always losing the keys? Jin— he can be a bit oblivious sometimes, specially when busy *sweats*

Who leaves little love notes for the other? Jin. He’s going to be the one to put cute little notes in Iwai’s lunch, coffee cup, you name it. But I think Iwai may write him things now and then too bc sometimes he has a hard time expressing himself publicly—

Who can’t sleep unless the other is there? Iwai. Once they get together, he’s gonna get so used to the warm piece of sunshine that the song "you are my sunshine” will resound in his head along with the part of “please don’t take my sunshine away” for the nights when Jin gets up to get stuff ready around the busy seasons. Iwai will probs get up since he can’t sleep and will make coffee for two uwu

Who is more likely to propose to the other? Jin. Though Iwai could also give us the big surprise if Jin decides to wait a bit to be a hundred percent sure Iwai feels entirely comfortable with him.

Who introduced the other to their family first? This is tricky because they met as children and Iwai’s parents know about Jin but! Not in the way Jin’s brothers know about Iwai so uwu Jin takes this one.

Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair? Jin. He is so affectionate he will constantly serve as a body pillow so Iwai can rest properly and will caress his hair until he falls asleep. All because Jin likes to see how pouty his lips become when he sleeps *heart eyes emoji on a different level my dude*

Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated? Jin. Iwai will probably get a few extra kilos haha— it’s that curvature that develops when you get together with someone who expresses their love not only in the physical way but also with acts of service so— no escaping this!

Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other? I think both do after reaching the commitment level. Right now, Iwai doesn’t have a reason to stand up for Jin so he may do it or not, I guess it would depend on how bad the thing would be? But yeah, once committed, it’s a it’s-always-two kind of deal c:

Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other? Jin. He adores surprising Iwai so he'd be in charge of the small or big surprises c:

Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things? Jin. It starts as a game of remember when we did this— and it becomes an adorable habit uwu

Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch? I think both do. In the rare nights Jin is the one who falls asleep first, Iwai does it uwu and when it’s Iwai, Jin makes his way in the couch and cuddles him.

—

pinklei 

Who is the most affectionate? Pinky. I have no idea how she puts up with such a boring, clueless guy! She is the one who has all the humor and sunshine in this relationship tbh Lei is less than a moon– he’d be Pluto probably!

Who initiates the handholding? Pinky. Again, why does she put up with him, he is oblivious to the basics of romance come oooon! 

Who worries more for the other? Lei wins this one finally! He knows Pink is a capable woman and respects her too much to ever think she is dumb, but he also knows that sometimes she forgets important things like having an extra jacket, so he looks out for her in that sense, also providing the food/water, things human bodies need to function. He may be a social klutz but! He at least knows how to take care of Pinky’s health.

Who is more likely to ask for help? Pinky. Lei is too proud and stubborn in spite of his quiet demeanor so he would never admit out loud he needs help with something.  

Who is the one always losing the keys? Pinky. Being so energetic, it’s not that she forgets things but with all her moving around, she probably drops them often so Lei has the spare that becomes the unofficial only set of keys and he’s always accompanying her home.

Who leaves little love notes for the other? I think Pinky does this one. Lei doesn’t use a lot of words so his way to express love is even more scarce in the writing— 

Who can’t sleep unless the other is there? Lei, probably. Once he gets used to having someone around and holding her through the night, he will need that from there on to finally get some sleep.

Who is more likely to propose to the other? Lei. He sees this as his natural obligation? So it'd be him the one to bend the knee and propose. Half the hospital if not all of it will know about it because he’s going to ask how to make a proposal and what girls want from a proposal and yeah!

Who introduced the other to their family first? I’m not sure about this one but Lei may be the one. He hates his family because they represent that traditionalism and classism he despises but because he was brought up there, he can’t shake off these steps of honor and good manners ingrained into his brain.

Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair? I'm divided. Pinky is affectionate and Lei likes things that are soft and smell nice so I can picture him being happy playing with Pinky’s hair so! Both.

Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated? Both do, but Lei may be more proactive about it by bringing fruit and water with him so when they are on their way to Pinky’s home, she has a snack to replenish her energy without messing her appetite for dinner uwu

Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other? I think both are but Lei may be a bit slower on reacting than Pinky!

Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other? Pinky— he has no sense of surprise, the only one he’ll give her will be the proposal night xD

Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things? Pinkyyyyy. Because she is cute and Lei needs to be explained things like a child sometimes so, it works uwu

Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch? Lei. During long shifts and all, he makes a point of checking on Pinky so when she is resting, he will always put a soft blanket over her before leaving quietly c:

—

kyungcha xD

Who is the most affectionate? Sacha, Kyungmin doesn’t stand a chance XD

Who initiates the handholding? I think it would also be Sacha. Kyungmin is too self-conscious to battle past that and be upfront about his affections physically. Inside the room, he’s passionate and stuff but outside from their nest? Yeah, not so much of an affectionate sweet thing ^^: 

Who worries more for the other? Kyungmin does. It’s not that Sacha doesn’t worry it’s more that Kyungmin is constantly worrying so that’s why!

Who is more likely to ask for help? Sacha, because Kyungmin is a dumbass too stubborn to admit when he needs help. Unless it’s about something manual-related like fixing things at home xD

Who is the one always losing the keys? Sacha probably, Kyungmin may be annoyed about this quite a lot so he keeps an eye on where Sacha placed his keys to remind him about it until he learns his habits and is all like, keys? yeah, behind your jacket. 

Who leaves little love notes for the other? I think Sacha would be the one but occasionally, Kyungmin will slip a few notes like “Fighting!” in his lunch box and stuff c:

Who can’t sleep unless the other is there? Kyungmin probably complains that Sacha is too big and warm but he really loves that, the hypocrite xD

Who is more likely to propose to the other? I think it'd be Sacha. Kyungmin is too afraid of disrupting something that’s already good even when he wants more so he wouldn’t want to push it. *like I said, dumbass*

Who introduced the other to their family first? Kyungmin did and it’s a total accident. Probably the whole family accompanied him to the orphanage when they realized he looked like he was in love xD

Who is more likely to play with the other’s hair? Kyungmin would do and not notice he's doing it until it’s too late. It becomes a habit uwu

Who makes sure the other has meals/stays hydrated? Kyungmin. He has the service-kind-of-love, so he makes sure to get Sacha good meals and there’s always either nice tea waiting for him on rainy days or fresh water in the fridge.

Who is more likely to stand up to anyone for the other? Kyungmin would be quick to snap and defend Sacha but Sacha wouldn’t be too far behind if it’s a reverse situation, he just wouldn’t be vicious and violent like Kyungmin—

Who is the most likely to prepare a surprise for the other? I think Sacha would be the one after he notices that Kyungmin likes that kind of thing c:

Who makes the other pinky promise not to do certain things? Sacha because he is a total sweetheart and Kyungmin can bitch all he wants about how this is ridiculous but he will take these promises to heart!

Who puts a blanket over the other when they fall asleep on the couch? Kyungmin. Again, little acts of service c:

[aryn-writes]

And we are back to over sharing to deal with my mental health

TW: Caps, Eating Disorders, Self-Harm, Depression, Anxiety

Venting Post!

I am so tired. And before you ask, yes I sleep over six hours every night. When I can, I sleep over 12. So my sleeping is not the issue.

The issue is that I have no fucking clue how to exist anymore.

I was initially trying to remain as the person that I was. They were a happyish ray of sunshine that was so good at helping people. And they did! People came to them daily to vent, get advice, or just letting them know that they are doing better. And I wasn’t doing great mentally then, but I was making improvements!

It has been over a year since we went into lockdown.

And you know, there have been good things that came out of the isolation.

I know I am nonbinary! And I was getting closer to dressing how I want!

But I am exhausted.

While I am at a healthy weight now, I have been slipping in and out of my ED habits. My family has also been continuously shitting on me for gaining weight. (if you’re curious, I am 5’4” [~162 cm] at 135 lbs [~61 kg]. I used to be at 100 lbs [45 kg]. And I would continuously dip back in double digits.) So, I have a fear that I’m going tot get bad again and that is just not something that I can handle at the moment.

I also can’t socialize, because holy fuck that shit is terrifying.

Like there are times when I can’t even talk to my family.

My closest friends? One of them messages me daily to make sure I’ve eaten at least one thing (which I agree, very kind, but I will explain why I don’t like it in a bit.) The other I haven’t talked to in months and it is so awkward when we try to talk. All the other people I used to consider close haven’t talked to me in a year, even after I would attempt to reach out to them.

I know that it is partially my fault; I am horrible at messaging and keeping conversations going is one of my weaker points, even in person. Along with that, I have been having depressive episodes more often that I care to keep track of, and I push people away and isolate myself during those times. So I get that it might be difficult to talk to me.

But there are people who I will reach out to, and they read the message and just don’t respond.

Like... I will literally say “hey! It’s been a while, how have you been?” (No response)

A week goes by

“I’m just checking in to make sure you’re doing alright” (left on read)

Another week

“Me and this person wanted to plan a small hang out online! She found this really cool website that we can play games, and we can use discord to chat. Wanna join?” (No response)

And it goes on.

For over seven months.

So if you have an active imagination and are prone to overthinking, you can imagine that my thoughts are “well shit. They just don’t like me and were only friendly bc i was dating him.” (Him being my ex boyfriend; we broke up a month into the quarantine.)

And so that kinda fucked with my anxiety even more.

I don’t blame them for not talking to me. The logical part of me understands that sometimes you just don’t respond, or maybe you forget or just don’t want to. I get that. But the part of me that has been overwhelming is pretty much like, everyone hates you and you’re a burden.

And it’s really hard to open up to the people you are close to when you feel this way.

So we come back to the close friend who checks that I’ve eaten.

He is wonderful, do not get me wrong. We became acquaintances around September 2019, and friends a few months after. At this time, I was dating my ex, who was an acquaintance to the close friend. (We are going to call the close friend Edward from here on out.)

At that time, I was struggling with my body image and my eating disorder. (Every year I go through a relapse and recovery, it fucking sucks and sometimes the relapse take over almost the whole year, but not the point right now.) One of his first memories of me is me having a panic attack because I ate a sandwich.

So during this pandemic, Edward has been messaging me to make sure I’m eating, because he doesn’t want me to get really bad again. Which is nice!

Except he doesn’t really understand mental illness.

He has been trying! Do not get me wrong, he does try. But his way of going about talking to me during a depressive episode is “Just don’t let it get to you” And “Be happy” and my favorite, “I don’t get why it’s so bad.”

😃🤡

Along with that, he gets incredibly upset when I don’t respond to his messages within like thirty minutes.

Keep in mind, I have been going through many, many depressive episodes and am constantly struggling to get out of bed and keep up with my school work. I have told him this. I have told him that sometimes I just cannot handle checking my messages and participating in conversation.

And a side note, I am in my last year of high school. Which mean I have online learning and in a few months I will be graduating. Which means I have a few classes I need to pass in order to graduate. If you keep up with most high schoolers, we have been getting an absurd amount of work with due dates every fucking day. That plus depression does not go well, and so I am very tired all the time, but since we have actual lectures instead of recordings, I keep my camera on for every single class because the teacher’s get sad if we don’t. And yes, there are classes where it is just me and the teacher with our cameras on. And yes I constantly disassociate during class and stop focusing because I forget to.

So yeah, it is fucking hard to just keep up with that, and socializing isn’t really something my brain sees as important because of the constant negative energy I receive when I do try to talk to people. So I have told him that as of late, it is just difficult to do much besides school, and things that produce any sort of serotonin or dopamine.

And he got upset that talking to him wasn’t making me happy!

Which, it does! Because he is a great friend! But he is so rude about the things involving my mental illnesses! And acts like he understands it better because he is in a psychology class! So in this state, I do not feel as comfortable talking to him since he only wants the ‘happy’ version of me that struggles to eat so that he can ‘fix’ my eating disorder and be able to feel like he did something!

But I continue to try to talk to him, because he is an only child and I am one of his only actual friends. (I really wish I was kidding, but when we became close, he told me that I was the first person to ever actually care about how he’s feeling and how he is actually doing rather than just taking advantage of his presence. He almost cried when I said that I appreciated his existence.)

And I do care about him. Edward is definitely a close friend, and I appreciate that he tries. But lately, he only does it for the validation of knowing he did something good, and it feels like he is just tired of having me around since I can’t bring myself to speak much.

So I have been trying to push myself to be a good friend to him. And I am doing what I can to pretend that I am getting better so that he can be happier. Which is just tiring me out even more.

I feel empty most of the time now, and I am so easily put over the edge. I can hide it pretty well, but it has been getting to the point where I am contemplating self harm again just to feel something.

I don’t remember how to properly do things. I am really just trying to get through every day. But it feels like I am headed straight for doom and I am so tired of it and I just want to leave!

Which in a few months, technically I will. I hope to go out of state for college (to get as far as I possibly can from all of this shit) but as I apply to more scholarships, I want to scream and cry because I have no clue how I am going to pay for college because my parents make too much money and my mother spends it all on herself so I am stressed out. I didn’t do enough extracurriculars, and I have been rejected from so many scholarships that it’ s starting to look like I might need to stay here, and I can’t do that. I just can’t.

So I have been crying and trying to escape from this shit, and I feel like at some point I might just constantly think that nothing is real and none of this shit matters, because that is on my mind more and more.

But hey! I have been reading, writing, gaming, watching anime and drawing to cope so that shit exists (even though it’s all shit so I won’t post it) and I’m making improvements with that so that is something?

I don’t fucking know lol.

I am just tired, and this was a rant. I don’t fucking care. Hope you have a good day!

[lesbianbending-moved]

I felt right with using the term bisexual because it really helped me, I found a description I could relate to and now, it feels like it's not quite right. I'm not sure how to explain it. People will say I'm wrong because I've never been with a guy, but do I have to? I know this is something I will learn more of overtime, and I wish I understood it fully now. Love feels incredibly distant, especially after what went down with my ex. I'm scared of being called a phony by my family. Part 3-

Overall just being told I can never stick to one thing, this is my sexuality, not theirs. I don't know how strongly heteronormativity has affected me. Any chance I get I try my best to tell others to keep an open mind and not discriminate against others for what they don't understand. My parents are one of them and recently I came out as non-binary to my dad who still deadnamed me. I'm tired of trying to get them to understand, if I told them I was lesbian after finding out I wasn't bi, they-

Would think I'm lying. I'm sorry about sending in so many asks. There's no one I can speak to about there kinds of things lately since I'm busy with school like my friends are. Your posts are helpful and I'm glad I'm not the only one felt this way. I write sapphic stories and comics, and have felt differently around women then I do with men. I've been lucky in the fact that my parents aren't hateful but they don't seem to ever really get around to understand and accepting who I am fully.

hey honey i’m so so sorry you���re going through this. but i’m glad you feel comfy reaching out! overall in terms of advice i could give you, you already hit the nail on the head: this is your sexuality, not theirs. that’s the bottom line 

1) you definitely don’t need to be with a guy to know whether you are bi or a lesbian or neither. if you want to try it out, great! if trying it out is not for you, it’s not for you. personally, the closest thing i had to a bf was when i was 14/15 and i went out with a guy for about a week or two before i freaked out and broke up with him. i never really ‘tried’ guys bc i just didn’t feel the need to! and i don’t regret that in any way!

2) i hope you know that not being able to figure out whether you are bi or a lesbian does not mean you ‘can’t choose’. it’s so confusing, compulsory heterosexuality messes up your brain and it’s something that everyone goes through, you just need to take your time. trust me, i wish there was a way to check off a list to see if you are a lesbian or not- i would have sold my soul to have that when i was 15. 

3) i’m so so sorry about your parents. all i can say is my mother was the type of person who would ‘check in’ every month or so to see if i was still a lesbian after i came out to her. she was never hateful and i feel very lucky that i had a family that supported me, but still she would say ‘oh you never know, maybe one day you’ll meet a nice boy...’ and one day i just had to have a real conversation with her about it. it was really quick, i just said “mom, i know you mean well and want to make sure i know my options are open, but this is something that took me a really long time to figure out and come to terms with. i’ve already spent 5 years trying to figure out if i like boys and i know 100% that i don’t. i know you don’t mean to be hurtful, but it becomes invalidating when you make comments like that”. my mom is not a very compromising person, and most times being critiqued she can feel as though she’s being attacked, but just laying it out like that made her understand that i had a v different experience with this than her, and she stopped. 

4) i know it sucks sometimes to keep it all in, but know that you don’t have to come out if you don’t feel completely comfortable doing so. if you truly fear what your parents will think if you come out as a lesbian or just as not really wanting to use a label anymore, you are by no means obligated to come out to them. i was forced to come out to my dad, and even though i knew he would be supportive it was terrifying and i wish i could have told him when i felt 100% comfortable and ready. if you still feel like you need to figure yourself out a bit before you tell anyone, that’s fine! don’t feel like you need to come out again unless you are truly comfortable. 

here is a resource that i personally have not used but has been helpful to a lot of people in figuring out their feelings in regards to comphet. 

feel free to message me off anon if you want more advice!! i’ll try to help in any way i can <333333

[almasidaliano]

because idk.. i just- i wanna know how to recover from the way he broke me. everything starts there. that’s the root. and i say yanno, it is what it is- and rationalize him and i talk and still i feel this hole this emptiness this longing. always disappointing myself, believing in him. hating myself for doing so when he never believed in me. and he’s here, i guess now.. and it’s better than nothing- or its supposed to be. but they feel the same. so nothings changed. he’s indifferent to whether i stay. he only cares when we’re dead and grief sets in. but pride consumes the grief- hes resistant to growth.

and i keep trying to prove myself.

why am i always having to prove myself? because i came from him & he was supposed to believe in me.

but he didn’t.

and i had moms yanno? but moms resented (still lowkey resents) my brother and i because he left. he was there w my brother tho. we reminded her of the pain it brought her. my mom did it alone but the price of that was her presence. she was always away. like now, i miss my mom. it’s mother days soon and i just wanted to see them. plans have now changed bc of a job, great money tho. i’ll see her for like 30 seconds. and then poof gone again. but it’s for us yanno? so i should be more understanding right? except i feel like i’m 7 again. and 8. and 9. and 10 through fucking 16. and she dryly supported me. tainted my visions with her preferences. everything was for her. and she was the parent who kind of stayed so anything for her. be expendable, dependable, accessible, always. i can please people so well because since birth i’ve been trying to get someone to give my existence approval. worth. and yes it comes from me- but when trying to get there this is the track i follow. so i don’t get far..

i choked down depression and anxiety and trauma- i beat myself just to knock out the demons and i tried to be everything, tried to do everything. (sound like me? lol) the problem? to do that i couldn’t be me. and the more i compromised me the worst i felt. and then i try to be me and i’m liked- but not understood.

i’ve never really been understood.

hell, i’ve never really understood myself. which makes it even harder to express and try to explain to others. but its like i came from you? how could you look at me so blankly, so foreignly? because all i’ve ever wanted was a family. i wanted family dinner and vacations. family homes. i wanted to grow up with some people for decades. i wanted to see my people in the stands cheering for me. i wanted to be held by arms other than my own when i cried at night. someone to discipline me, and guide me not teach me self sufficiency and preservation and then weigh me down w tasks. my mom throws things in faces. she refused to be a statistic . teen mom in new orleans? life’s over - she was gonna be different prove em wrong. and she did. she doing it. however, everything had to seem a way. still, that’s how my mother operates. she specializes in masks. so as her offspring- gotta make her look good support the image and shit. my plan/ dreams/ inspirations - she don’t like how it fit in the picture. so she tries to manipulate and i peep and concede . until i didn’t. and i was belittled chastised and discouraged. discouraged to be me. because no one wants someone like that- because no ones gonna stay or put up with that. because i’m broken and need to be fixed. and i just - i cant understand it.

what about me, makes people opt out of fighting? or trying ? or staying? am i just not something worth fighting for?

my insecurity starts there.

it’s like what did they see in me? or what didn’t they?

she named me diamond- because of the twinkle in my eye. i was so aware- didn’t even cry. super developed smart. quick learner. cute kid people liked me. intelligent athletic hardworking fast learner - stuco- early grad - all the scholarships i obtained - speaking for a donor gala - my literary works. i was president of organizations - great teen of america - gave a sermon - i just wanted to be seen. to finally be worth a moments notice. to finally be intriguing enough to explore and nurture. everybody always say oh you always been independent you self sufficient and i still don’t understand how that equaled, stand alone. i have empathic gifts. literary gifts. my mind is an outlandish tool. she named me after a commodity. something precious and overly valued, something cherished . key word ? THING not a title of a person- but i am a thing. still a commodity indeed. however undervalued abused neglected and disregarded. the irony. it’s like, my mom believes she royalty and i won’t knock it- but that would make me a princess or heiress to a throne type shit. but i’m cinderella and tiana and jasmin and ariel and belle and all of them yanno. except there was/is no magic here- so i wasn’t whisked away- proofed the answer- granted a solution or guide- i didn’t get the every lasting hope sprinkled on my storybook.

so i’m here now.. a princess. who may never become a queen.

however, it’s deeper than that. the reason i can’t believe you love me, or you’ll stay- is because they didn’t. and i’m still fighting for their approval or acceptance . while simultaneously tryna get them to give that to ME .

i just — i see your family right? everyone around me has family. has support has love. a mother’s love. a fathers protection. my little sisters all daddy’s girls.

and then there’s me..

the prototype.

i just think- fathers walk brides down the aisle. for me, i could never fantasize it. it was supposed to be my big brother. all i had, for light? was my siblings. and i have 9 . but i mean denzel and trinity. i was never going to be alone. as long as i had them. and i just knew i always would. i’m dumb close w my other brother ty now and that’s a blessing because he and trin are my hope. my other siblings i love, however i fear i cannot guide and or save. and there’s distance yanno? charley and i click HARD but he won’t talk to me.. no one talks to me..

but losing my brother just yelled - you know nothing. you’re not safe. no one will stay. no one can stay. and i can’t help but feel like its hopeless now. because trinity has always conceded with my mother for easier interaction and denzel and i, were individuals he and i could touch base more. we grew up together saw it all. so like now- trinity has a shifted opinion leaning to back my mom. so i now have that disconnect with her. so sometimes i don’t feel safe in her. my brother ty is a sociopath. who most sincerely doesn’t or rarely and even then very minimally, expresses emotions . he thinks logically and moves in ways to benefit him. he is amazing- he just doesn’t always (most always) have the capability of comforting or offering advice on most common things.

so it’s me. the next up- meant to lead and guide and protect. - except i’m a mess. and no one believes in me anyway.

thanks for listening.

-daliano

[fmdrex]

hello everyone ! i go by saylor and i’m very excited to finally bring in a muse here, even if it’s due to being stuck in one place long enough that i’ve stopped second guessing myself lmao. this is the introduction to my fierce son, rex on stage, or noah kim more casually. i’ll do my best not to ramble too much in his intro (no promises) ! my discord is available for anyone interested, otherwise give this a like and i’ll nyoom to you for plotting.

𝙥𝙚𝙧𝙨𝙤𝙣𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙩𝙮 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛  !

how do i explain this ? he’s just an unpleasant person ?

but like ? is that a bad thing? does everyone need to be “likable” ??? i pose this question to you today, ted talk audience. you decide !

he’s a very bad boy tbh. he has a cw for bullying (not toward him, but him toward others)

in middle school he was kicked out of private for cheating, though he never got caught for bullying so that’s a blessing for him. suspended for fighting in high school. seriously a problem child. the kind of person you point to and say ‘stay away from that kid’, the *bad influence* kid, blah blah, exactly what you’re thinking of, and probably for good reason.

his mother and father were a bit neglectful and a combination of one laissez faire parent and another totalitarian one. together they managed to brew the perfect storm for an inferiority complex and all the acting out that came with it.

his mother was very much the an A- is failing type. his father was more invested in his work loads and never bothered to care at all.

noah is very angry ? ?? at the entire world ?

noah is not really gracious nor is he easy to get along with. has a huge tendency of shutting people out, his group is blessed because they were around him for so long now that he’s immune to them and hopefully the other way around. being around him feels like walking on hot pavement without shoes on like sure it’s tolerable but it still sucks honestly, and you aren’t really mad about it because it’s just how it is but like damn you wish you had thought about grabbing shoes. i heard like, trying to take it as fast as possible and planning your approach before you leave the top step will help a little? like definitely have an entry plan. or just go get shoes. in this case it’ll take like...a few years of being nice to him before he’s tolerable in the least.

especially don’t try to date him, he will break your heart.

to summarize, he’s very dramatic, a little quick to start fights, very fierce and cold? he doesn’t really understand people being the playful or soft types. he isn’t the snarky and grumpy but cute kind of young adult novel emo boy personality, he’s the aquarius guy you know from your high school class that you had a crush on because he’s hot but at the same time when you get to know him he doesn’t have a funny bone in his body and also thinks having kinky sex is a personality trait.

to point out a single reason to like him; he’s very extremely dependable, down right predictable. he’s a very good listener even if he won’t give you advice (that could also be considered a positive), very assertive- so follower types will feel comfortable? (never will you have the “where do you want to go eat” “idk what do you want” conversation, he’ll always be the one asking and if you say you don’t know he’ll decide for you), nicknames and other quirky stuff like calling you ‘dumbass’ in an inexplicable affectionate way.

i wish i could say more nice things, you’ll just have to see for yourself. he’s perfectly tolerable i swear.

ohh i can say that he’s the kind of relationship that really only pays off when someone puts in the time and effort?

when it does come to love he’s slow with deciding how he feels but when he does decide he really goes all in, fierce and intense as always. he really is a rewarding relationship to build? like if you put in the time to woo that one cold, intense guy just so you can see him be nice to you and only you. that guy is noah.

here is a link to his profile just in case you want to know more in depth !

𝙞𝙙𝙤𝙡 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛 !

he’s the performance unit leader for charm.

he’s a main dancer.

he’s a sub vocalist. 

it’s really not his strong suit to say he’s a singer. he’s got a stable vocal but it isn’t really powerful or capable of great range, and his vocal tone isn’t super spectacular or super unique. noah’s job as a vocalist in charm is to show up sometimes for the chorus or hook or killing part. he’s content with that.

he is well known for choreographing all of charm’s dances along with the occasional co-producers, since debut. it is the singular reason he didn’t murder someone to get out of his idol contract years ago. being an idol is meh. being a choreographer is the shit.

he signed to bc as a trainee in 2012 and debuted in 2015.

he has input for lyrics credit on almost every single album charm has released.

when it comes to being an idol for him it’s all about the performance and the art of it all, the fact that charm is a self producing group is the only reason he’s happy as an artist at this moment in time. and still i wouldn’t call him content with his life.

strong in the categories of: dance, choreography, performance and fan service. much weaker in all the others.

he was on hit the stage. a blessing to the world, i hear people are still talking about it.

a member of the charm u sub-unit but we’re not talking about that disaster.

his korean was kind of spotty and terrible for the first few years of his time in korea as a trianee and idol until he got himself together a bit more.

𝙥𝙡𝙤𝙩𝙨 𝙨𝙩𝙪𝙛𝙛  !

97line friends

best friends (0/2)

close friends

a off and on again thing he refuses to call dating even though that’s what it looks and seems like by every definition of the word and by now it’s starting to make things really complicated

someone who used to be his friend but that’s very old news and now things are gross...

his first relationship (around 2015/2016?)

dancers squad

he’s just your muses type for some reason (i’m so sorry) and they get nervous/shy around him

your muse finds him very intimidating and him confronting them about it went well / horribly

his second, much worse relationship that ended in actual disaster

he was drunk and slept with your muse once (one time only) and now he’s so awkward around them it’s both hilarious and almost insulting

english speaking muses club and or foreigners squad

your muse makes him soft. (bonus points if they’re good at aegyo and once they realize he’s weak to it, are willing to abuse it to get their way with him)

your muse looks up to him as a dancer and choreographer

one sided crush either direction

he broke your muses heart somewhat ruthlessly

someone he just absolutely hates and can get very catty and aggressive with

muses to play online games with him when they’re both free or on opposing schedules

[gettin-bi-bi-bi]

Hi Maddie, so I need your help handling this the best way possible. So I'm bi and I'm planning to come out to my mom. She's okay (not a homophobe, although she sometimes can say mean or ignorant stuff) but that's not the main issue here. I know that when I tell her I'm bi, she's going to question (or at least think) it with the excuse that "I think I'm bi" bc I haven't had the best experience with men. It's true that I don't trust them and that I don't have the highest expectations for them. +

+ I never met my real father and my step father was an asshole. Guys in school weren't the nicest with me and I've never fallen in love with anyone. So I think she's going to tell me that perhaps I'm leaning towards women bc of that; bc I don't trust men and I don't feel that comfortable around them (even though I obviously can't help but feeling attracted to them and like them from far away lol).

+ And I know that's not true, but do you think you could give some advice on how to express this better? Thanks Maddie, you truly are the best.

If your mother really suggests something like that then just tell her that she’s wrong. If she’s a half decent person she’ll accept it when you say “mom, I know my own sexuality better than you can ever know it. if I tell you I’m bisexual it doesn’t matter why or how I am bi. I’m just bi. I identify that way because I am attracted to more than one gender and I expect you to accept that as fact. My past experiences - good or bad - don’t matter.”

And then I’d just leave it at that. If she still goes on with that topic I’d say “I am not having this conversation with you.” and then leave the room. Parents need to understand there are boundaries and you do not owe them to explain your sexuality to them.

Even if she is 100% convinced that the only reason you’re bi is because of bad experiences with men then she can just keep her mouth shut about it. It shouldn’t matter to her why you are bi because it’s not her place to question it.

Maddie

[kae-karo]

[1] hi!! so idk if you've seen dan speaking at the mental health panel or not, but there was one part that hit me really hard and id love to know your thoughts on it! basically he was saying that often content creators, and people in general, are struggling with their mental health the most when it seems like they're thriving (uploading constantly, getting good grades, etc) but everyone thinks they're fine. which is literally my life rn but i can't take a break from overworking myself bc i need

[2] to get into college. do you have any advice abt how to provide for my future while still taking care of myself? also, i just want to thank you for running such a healthy and positive blog bc it has helped me thru some difficult times, and you seem like such a thoughtful and caring person!

hi dear! oh no :( I'm so sorry, that's such a hard position to be in - I havent been in school for a few years, and not in high school since 2012 yikes lmao, so I'm sure things have changed a bit but hopefully I can still give some advice that helps?

I'd say first and foremost, talk to a trusted adult you know in person about how you're feeling - whether that be a parent, older sibling, favorite teacher, advisor, etc. they may have advice more specific to your situation that might take into account details I dont know. and while this is my first piece of advice, it can also be the hardest? sometimes facing our demons and being honest about them with others who have only seen our "good side" can feel impossible, but it can be a crucial step to help build a support system that you can go to when you feel you're struggling

the next thing I'd say is, on a small scale, start taking time for yourself. I know that's like. the hardest thing to do when you have like 6hr of homework a night, minimum, plus clubs or sports or other activities that take time, but literally even sneaking five minutes between some bits of homework to do something that's calming and centering for you can make a difference - if you can grab five minutes to go sit in a space you feel comfortable, away from your work, to breathe and think about something other than your work, that can be helpful

the next one is sorta like. tangential, but take care of your body as well - you're still a growing and developing human, so this is ESPECIALLY important, but drinking lots of water (and not too many sugary drinks/chemical drinks) and eating veggies and getting enough protein can literally make such a big difference in your brains ability to function at it's best. the other important thing here is sleep - every body is different, so keep in mind what your body does best on and (when you can) aim for that. between hydration, good nutrition, and sufficient sleep, you're laying a foundation that can help your brain be more successful throughout the day

I wish, ultimately, i had a perfect answer for the fucked up school system (esp in America which is what I'm most familiar with), but it honestly sets you up to fail. what (unintentionally) worked well for me was having a blow-off class or two - classes that were easy for me (like sign language, or French 1 after I'd already taken Spanish for several years) and could help boost my GPA without stressing me out as much. if you can find those classes- and definitely look for the ones that are easy for YOU, don't just ask around for the easiest classes - that can be a really nice break in your day and help relieve you of some after-school stress

here's another "honesty is the best policy" situation - if you find yourself struggling to understand a concept, or homework is taking you so much longer than some of your peers (or the teacher says theres only an hour of hw a night and you end up spending far longer on it) talk to the teacher! tell them you're struggling, and ask if you can get some help understanding a topic. be specific about what you dont understand (dont just go "I dont get it") and explain your thought process - this can help teachers understand where you're veering off the path and what you might be missing. and, more importantly, if you're coming in for help, they're more likely to be lenient with you because they know you're trying (yes I'm aware that was more a "school help in general" bit of advice but in case that's something you're struggling with)

now heres....maybe some controversial advice. take calculated risks. example: if a teacher has a policy where they drop your lowest homework grade in a class and you're doing alright in that class, but you have a day where you're saddled with WAY too much work for another class where you're struggling, it's okay to say "okay, today I need to go to sleep by 10pm, I can either finish this difficult homework or complete homework for the class that will drop a grade", sometimes it makes more sense to skip that one homework and get a zero to spend time dedicated to the class you're struggling in and get rest. in a similar vein, there is also a limit to studying - there is a point where you physically cannot absorb more knowledge. it is so much better for your brain - both from a focus and memory standpoint - to get a little extra sleep than to stay up late studying well past the point where you will retain knowledge.

now....again, I havent been applying to colleges in ages so my advice might be a bit stale, but colleges tend to look for good grades but also challenging classes, or improvement over time in classes, etc etc. they want to know you're working hard, and that you have diverse interests. college apps are a bit like resumes honestly, except you cant lie about your GPA. but like. you can fluff everything else. literally EVERYTHING becomes fair game with college apps. you can talk about fanfic or a fandom you're in if you phrase it the right way, like there are barely rules lmao. and you can make yourself sound very appealing

so my advice would be basically this: work hard, but learn your personal limits. figure out how much sleep a night makes you feel awake and focused the next day (again, it varies!) and aim for that as much as you can. try to eat nutritiously when you can, and drink lots of water. dedicate time to your homework and studying, but be sure to take regular breaks and ACTUALLY shift your brain away from your work during those breaks. and it's also good to dedicate time to life activities - like I said, colleges want to know you're a diverse person. spend time in clubs you like or playing sports if that's your thing, or do things unconnected to school. and remember, you can fluff that all up on a college app! but also remember - you have to live with you for the rest of your life, and there are so so many paths to a good job or a college education if that's what you decide you want, be sure to prioritize your health as much as you can. the education system tricks you into this never ending cycle of "if I just push through ___________ I'll get to ___________!" and taking that through your life can be really challenging and exhausting. I need to acknowledge that some of this is easy for me to say - I was a good test taker in high school, I went to college, and I bullshitted my way through (that's a whole other story lmao) but like. I need to acknowledge that, by some privilege and luck, I do have a college education. so when i say this next thing, please take it with a grain of salt, but there is more to life than chasing what society tells us to chase - there is family, there are friends, relationships, hobbies and interests and love and dreams and spending hours playing video games and SLEEP and getting sunburned cause you spent too long out under the sun photosynthesizing and collecting pens or shiny rocks and ANIMALS there is so so so much in life and I hate with such a burning passion that, for the first 22 years of our lives, we are told the ONLY thing in life is getting through college, getting a degree. again, I need to acknowledge that I say that with a background of privilege, and that education can help people get out of bad situations, etc, but there are many paths to education and they dont all require you to put life on hold to get there

let me tell u a story real quick, cause my education looks (from the outside) "easy" (turns out I had depression and eating disorders of all kinds yeehaw !!!!). my sister did NOT have an easy time in school - my parents could afford it, so she had a tutor for some of her challenging subjects, but she also dealt with anxiety and depression the entire time. she didnt get into the college she wanted to, but got put in a sort of program where, if she got good enough grades in some community college courses, she could get into the school. so she worked her ass off, dove even deeper into her mental health issues, but eventually did get in. and then she had challenging classes and didnt have a great support system, and she ended up failing out of many of her classes, to the point where she got put on academic probation. so she took a year off, got a job at a daycare, and I have literally never seen her happier or more well-adjusted. shes going back to school now, for early childhood education, and working part time at the daycare while she takes a light course load at school

another story for you - my aunt graduated high school and went straight into the workforce. she came from a dirt-poor family and couldn't afford it. she bounced around a bit, but eventually found company that she worked well with. they paid for her to go to school, and she finally got a degree many years after what we would consider "traditional". she had a few other jobs, but shes been at her current company now going on 20 years, has been through several promotions, and works directly with a c-suite employee. she is also the only woman in her office, a very traditional trucking company where she works with engineers on a daily basis

there are many paths to education, if that's where you want to go, and it's okay if it ends up looking different from the traditional path were told to follow. do what you can to avoid sacrificing your mental health for an education - if its what you want, you will get there. and remember to ask for help along the way!! I hope that helps a little, dear

[unpleasant-aroma]

💞 for Karen and Oscar, Moritz and Mo, Evan and Mo, Lilly and Oscar, and for the siblings

Send 💞 for me to describe 5 ways my muse says ‘I love you’ to yours.

Karen and Oscar

If Karen isn’t wearing a jacket when it’s cold outside, he’ll offer her his leather jacket to wear. He knows sometimes that the black leather messes with her aesthetic, but he tries to make up for it by telling her how damn cute she is when she wears it

He does the thing that when they kiss or even when he hugs her, that he’ll lift her off her feet. He’ll also carry her when she’s sleeping/tired too

Gaelic pet names. Some people kinda think it’s weird in modern times, but he feels comfortable sharing his heritage with her

He also feels comfortable being shirtless/undressed in nonsexual situations around her, and feels less bothered about his scars

Karen is the only person who can get him to wear pink without any complaints, because he knows it makes her happy

Moritz and Moria

Even though Moritz comes from a pretty proper background, Moria doesn’t feel pressured to be ladylike around him. She feels like she can just be herself

Moria has a weak as hell immune system (especially in her Snyder verse... I can explain why if I need to), but she WILL NOT leave Moritz’s side when he’s sick unless she’s forced to. She’s gonna take care of her boy

Depending on the verse, she either learns German or sign language as quickly as she can so she can communicate with her love in his first language. The first thing she says to him in either of these languages? I love you.

She reads to him a lot. She knows he enjoys listening to people read, so she’ll just let him stretch out in her laps while she reads aloud and combs her fingers through his hair

Moria constantly talks about how lucky she was to have the opportunity to go to Germany, because she met an amazing man who she loves so much, and now she has a family with him. She couldn’t imagine where she’d be if she hadn’t met him

Evan and Morris

Morris often refers to himself as his cats’ dad (to the cats of course). At some point in their relationship, Morris started referring to Evan as “other dad” when talking to the kittens. It seems dumb, but he’s really protective of his cats bc he’s afraid Wies’ll get rid of them. So, promoting Evan to co-parent of the cats is a big deal to him

Morris has no knowledge of plants whatsoever and really can’t wrap his brain around a lot of it. But he will listen to Evan talk about plants for hours at a time and take him on nature hikes because he likes seeing him get so excited

In the tough!Evan/nerd!Morris verse, Morris keeps publishing Evan’s stuff in the paper, but now he’s doing it anonymously. He tries to get people to read it so that Evan can her how much people end up liking this “mystery writer”

Evan makes concerned comments to Morris about his smoking habits, and that it would kill him... and usually, Morris would just laugh that kind of thing off, but this is different... hearing it from Evan, he actually ends up quitting smoking for him

He trades sweater/sweatshirts constantly. Like after Morris spends the night, one of Evan’s sweatshirts will be missing, but one of Morris’ will be in its place

Lilly and Oscar

Boy will be there at the Bowery every chance he can get to cheer his girl on... and also keep any creeps who had seen the show away from her

Oscar plays the violin for her a lot when they’re alone. He kinda tinkers around with composing too, so he ends up composing her songs. He can’t write lyrics worth a crap, but the melody is all for her

Despite his aversions and reservations about families in general (especially fathers), he tries really hard to get along with Lilly’s family because he knows how much they mean to her

He also really tries to better himself to make himself worthy of Lilly. He knows she’s way out of his league, so he wants to at least sorta deserve her

...and the first order of business with that is getting a better job that someday when they’re together he can provide for her

Oscar, Morris, and Squeaks

There’s a lot of Gaelic in the Delancey home. It’s the one way they can really keep their mom alive, and they think of it as something that bonds them even closer together

The boys will protect their little sister at all costs. They don’t want her to suffer like they did, so they often border on overprotective, but that’s just how they show their love for her

They also try to give Squeaks advice on how to handle issues in her life that they can’t directly go an punch... but the problem is, they give really shitty advice. It’s the thought that counts, though. They just want to help

Both of the brothers have helped calm Squeaks down so that she can go to sleep in her anxiety gets the better of her. They do so in very different ways, but they both know what works and what doesn’t

They constantly use phrases like “we’re a team” and “it’s always gonna be the three of us” to emphasize that the sibling trio of them is the central part of their family. They take care of each other

[notanotherjw]

my conversation with my dad about homosexuality still holds in my memory, like a pivotal moment on my resolution about faith and family.

i still remember most of how it went. i was like, 15 or 16. mom and i were watching the TV and this commercial preview of out version of drag race came on, and my dad say "really nice, a bunch of faggots on a competition to see who's the biggest faggot" and i hated it so much. it was so uncalled for. he was always making derogatory jokes about gay men, and that i could handle, bc they were just extremely annoying, but i could hear the disgust on his voice and that just made me so angry

i told him to not call them "faggots" in my presence (also errr the distinction between a drag queen and a gay man is just, pretty logical and big but why would Mr Homophobe care) and he got angry at me and so did i. even though my mom is also homophobic she doesn't do those remarks and she told us to stop arguing. i couldn't bear my dad being a stupid asshole so i left and went upstairs to my room.

my dad knocked my door some minutes later and i immediately got scared, thinking about how the conversation would go. he started explaining his point of view about gay people, a mix between his own irrational disgust towards homosexuality and the inconsistent and empty arguments the JWs had taught him. i cut him, told him that he could think whatever he wanted, that all i was asking for was for him to stop referring to gay people like that in front of me, i didn't want (i didn't expect) anything else from him.

he asked me if i was a lesbian. during that time i thought i was demisexual, so it was easy to tell him no. the same way i don't need to be black to be against racism, i explained. i had made my point clear, as far as i was concerned.

he still went ahead to talk about why homosexuality is Wrong and all that shit, and said the phrase that lingers on my mind since that day. "if one of my kids were gay, then they would be dead for me. i would pretend i only have two kids."

it was a warning. a threat, even. it sank in my heart. i told myself, well it doesn't fucking matter, im not a lesbian, I'm not in risk, i won't be telling them anyways, once i turn 18 im off this house (im 18 now and look at me, sitting in the same room in which he told me those words). later, recently, i realized my attraction for women was bigger and stronger that i made myself believe, and that it dated so many years back. and that phrase stuck with me, sticks with me today. i think about it almost every day.

the fact that their love is conditioned. you can't really grasp it. they told me they love me despite everything, yet they have the nerve to tell me i had signed a contract of conditions for that love the day i was born. if they knew, God if they knew...

my sister, a jw, got pregnant at 19 from her non jw secret ex boyfriend. my brother, a non jw, started a long term relationship with his female classmate from 14 years old to 20. my parents learned to live with that, to accept them, to love their children despite the mistakes they had done. and sometimes i see my mom watching TV shows with gay couples on it without disgust, sometimes my sister would talk to me about a female youtuber and her cute girlfriend. and hope builds in my heart, it asks questions. how would they REALLY react? is it true when they told me they would love me over anything?

i try not to. i overhear my mom saying lesbians just date macs girls because they're secretly attracted to men. i overhear my dad repeating that crap about gay designers and tight pants. i remember my sister telling me i was confused and trying to follow teen trends when i told her i was pansexual when i was 13.

i still feel mostly safe about my sexual identity. i got to snuck out and be on my first pride march, im aro so i don't have girlfriends or try to, i almost never let them know about my personal life. but it's sad to see movies or shows when a closeted character comes out and they're met with such a warm welcome from their loved ones... man, i wish i could have that. i wish i could rely on my family for this instead of being so paranoid that they find out anything about me. i wish i could talk to them, ask questions without being judged, look for advice and comfort and finding it on them.

i wish i could feel safe on my own home.