#how the fuck do i dicide
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what-does-the-moose-say · 5 months ago
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I am trying to find a movie to watch and i guess i should be expected to be using 30-60 minutes to figure it out.
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russian-spider · 1 year ago
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this finale was so weird and bittersweet to me… I mostly liked it, but it also left me feeling kinda sad, and it's not about nandermo not becoming canon (yet), like whatever, I know they're going to milk it like sitcoms always do with their will-they-won't-they relationships, but until now I never worried about the series finale. I took for granted guillermo would become a vampire in the end and all of them would stay together at the vampire residence, like a family, but now I fear guillermo will follow a different path, and even if he stays, it won't be for eternity. I'm annoyed that after all of these years of dismembering bodies and the like, he's like 'oh I dont want to kill anyone :((' like wtf guillermo? suddenly he's too good, too pure for the vampire life…. he told nandor to stop fucking complaining and feeling sorry for himself and that people (he) would kill to have what nandor has, and now this?? but also, as much as I wanna shake him, as a nandor fan I feel vindicated by this turn of events lmao
-nandor said vampirism was a curse, wanted to be human when depressed, and guess what? now guillermo agrees (after what? a couple months of being a half-vampire? imagine 700+ years of that)
-he said guillermo wasn't ready, and guess what? he was right
-he knew the van helsing blood was getting in the way
-he knew drinking human blood would complete the process
-he knew how to reverse it
-he knew what guillermo would choose because HE KNOWS HIM BETTER THAN ANYONE, again: he was right! he knew guillermo better than guillermo knew himself
-he also knew where guillermo's mom lives and called him from there???? he knew exactly how to get guillermo to come out of hiding and he only did that after diciding not to kill him, because deep down he never actually wanted to
-he spoke farsi!!!!! (my new headcanon is that he's been reading farsi books and slowly remembering) more of this please
-he killed people AND he looked great while doing it
I was dissapointed the reveal wasn't as emotional as I hoped and I wanted a fight ngl or idk… something more, a longer conversation between them, but it is what it is. plus nandor got to kill derek so he got his revenge (poor derek tho, I'm glad he's been resurrected, but nandor wanting to kill him and actually going through with it? amazing)
all in all I'm pretty happy with the episodes even if they're not what I expected. it's the implications all of this has for the future that make me uneasy
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solardick · 6 months ago
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Wow, whatever they did, made 90 percent of these “transits” untrue, or atleast in how they are describing the meaning of these transits to me are. Yup, thats bs. Thats bs. Thats also bs. Nope not true. Ok. Whatever. Diciding whethe rim
Going to work today and only having nothing els eto do but break doen and cut up a couple crates. Maybe move a cabinet. Not much for 8 hoirs of work which can be done in one. Sorry thr feeling in my ass doesnt allow me to enjoy anything. Its jsut depressing and death.
I prefer the hardship of a cock crown. And the insecurity that comes with it. Not severe but, still. My ass is associated to pain and scaring. From when i ripped open my ass crack from falling off a chair. Got the scar running right down to prove it. Tailbone ripped that open pretty good. Its baby tissue. Sensitive. And the IBS from whatever the fuck they did. Shitting mucous. And probably leading to a host of infections. So, no.
I was trying to get back into art but, this ba is iver taking that so. The russian alphabet opened a door to my inability of forming images in my mind. And gave me a large list of images i could create with a crayon. But, that doesnt seem to be going to happen eiyher because the eorld wont stop fucken raping me. Ho emany more devades do you eant from me. Its never enough. Counting fuvken 4 now. Jesus fucken christ.
I fucken hate taking apart crates. I detest violence.
Im bred to mimic, produce and improve. Discouraged from any leadership. But fuck that. Instead the world has given me nothign but biolence and belittlement. Encouraged all my worst traits then used them againt me. Was violent formsuch an extended time. That i hecome violent. And then they doubled down on the violence. To passify me. In the words
Of
A women to
The world. Suck me fucken cock.
Well, im out of nicotine. No more being a sissy bitch to legal slave drugs.
Covid the entire country get put on lockdown. Yet refuses to illegalize or criminilize nicotine. For the whole 2 weeks it takes to be clear of it. Instead of stationing olice outside native tobacco outlets for “boarder” inspection, they turn a blind eye.
Covid was a opportunity to clear addiction to self harming chemicals. In the polpulace. Instead they standardize ciggarettes and spend more money adding more warnings. Fuck off.
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luadart · 3 years ago
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I dicided to make a fic recs list just bc i want a place to register every fanfic that i’ve read. i would do in my phone notes but i like the aesthetic of put photos and links etc in here. so lets start !!
July Recs :
🪴 Fading by tothemoonmydear
Louis knows about beauty; the combination of qualities that pleases the aesthetic senses. He creates that combination every day in the garments he designs while studying fashion at uni. The cut of the design, the color of the fabric, the intricacy of the stitching; it all comes together to create something beautiful. When the science student with the long legs and dimpled smile agrees to model for him, Louis decides he’s found beauty personified. Harry just thinks Louis needs someone to show him how beautiful he is (+200K.)
🪴 it’s enough (to make a girl blush) by bluestgrey
Harry wears a sundress until he doesn't. (+10K)
🪴 give me forever for a while by mercutionotromeo
or, light sweet kittenplay because Harry owns multiple collars and he has to use them for something, right? (+5K)
🪴 sunbeams by ohsailor
Harry is the new neighbour suffering from insomnia. Louis is the night nurse across the hall trying to find ways to help him sleep. They find one that works. (+2K.)
🪴 good, good graces by safetyfilm
Or, the one where Harry's boyfriend Louis gets a new puppy and frequently tells the dog how he's a good boy. Harry gets jealous and decides to show Louis how much of a good boy he can be. (+10K)
🪴 drain the whole sea by brainwaves
For a great chunk of his life, Harry has had a passion for writing, a passion that turned into an aspiration, which turned into a dream he’s been chasing for the past few years, first in the States and now in a shitty flat in London. None of his attempts to get anywhere have succeeded, leaving him with weary bones and two dead-end jobs that he doesn’t enjoy in the slightest. When he finds an unusual yet promising opportunity that could possibly get him somewhere and help him further his current failure of a writing career, he doesn’t hesitate to take it. Despite his boyfriend Sam’s pleading, he lets this dream bring him to the luxurious yet quaint home of world-renowned, best-selling author Louis Tomlinson. (+27K)
🪴 Satisfaction's Never Been This Sweet by nothing_but
Or the one where Harry is very insecure about his penis size. (+5K.)
🪴 harry just wants some attention, sue him by mindingmybusiness
harry wants to get fucked before he goes on stage and what harry gets what harry wants i guess. (+2K.)
🪴 Are You Lonesome tonight? by loveislanduk
Harry liked his rules, loved them, even. They gave his relationship structure and safety and communication. Normally the rules are pretty easy to follow, they were mostly there to make sure consent was strong in their relationship and that safe sex was being had.
And due to this level of communication and structure, he knew exactly what the consequences would be to masturbating while Louis was at work.
And he did it anyway. (+2K.)
🪴 Blow Me, Daddy by fournipplesau
Don't," Louis growls, pressing his foot against Harry's dripping cock briefly. Harry closes his eyes, holding his breath. "I want you to say it," Louis says, yanking the leash, "want you to say you're daddy's little slut." Harry's eyes go wide and they meet Louis', and then he can't stop it; his toes curl and the fire in his stomach explodes as he comes with a whimper, cock pulsing with each rope of cum that dirties their plush, white carpet as Louis chokes him with his cock. (+8K.)
🪴 The Florentine Letters by forreveries
Oxford University,
June, 1935.
The edge of summer has just begun to dawn over the university campus, exams are almost over and the dust is just beginning to settle over the desks. Harry Styles, in the last years of his PHD study of The Renaissance, has managed to maintain a safe existence within the walls of his books and classes and late night romances. He's made a place that's safe from the expectations of high brow society and the cold stare of his father. That is, until an all too sharp, all too witty, and all too handsome man walks into his life. Louis, the cocky man with the smile, brings with him a strange object - declaring that it's a puzzle piece from the one and only Leonardo Da Vinci. He speaks of age old mysteries, and puzzles that cannot be solved without Harry's help. Immediately, Harry is quite literally swept off his feet, and together they take their chances on the find of a life time - Da Vinci's lost works. But what Louis doesn't mention is the high stakes game of cat and mouse that comes with chasing things that do not belong to you. A game where nothing, and no one, is as they seem. (+118K.)
🪴 Good boy by 28sunflowers
Harry is startled out of his thoughts by the needle going over one of his ribs. Thankfully, he catches himself and manages to stay still, but accidentally lets out a whimper at the unexpected stronger burn. He exhales slowly when Louis takes the gun off his skin, trying to remain calm.
“Good boy,” Louis tells him automatically, giving him a pat to the hip. (+2K)
🪴Reduce Me To A Pleading Cry (Break The Skin and Tantalize) by taggiecb
[…] Or Harry is a broody submissive boss, Louis is a natural dom who works in the mail room at Styles & Styles, Niall is a matchmaking oracle, and a slender, dark haired man stands mute at the coffee stand encouraging others to spill their secrets. (+37K)
🪴 Little Black Dress (I wanna see the way you move for me, Baby) by HachimansKitsune
Harry's has an obsession he feels guilty about. When an impulsive moment leads him to make the purchase, he expects to never actually follow through with his desires. Then Louis finds the dress -- the slinky, silky black dress -- and Daddy takes the decision out of Harry's hands.(+19K.)
🪴 Just Like a Woman by superglass
[…] or Louis is a writer living in Paris for the year. Harry is the charming art student and au pair of the family across the courtyard. Paris 1970s au. (+16K)
🪴 know me to be by everysingleday
In which none of this was ever Louis' business, and yet here he is. (+8k)
🪴 Peaches and Cream by seducedbycurls
The study was to see if two strangers could live together for a month and fall in love. “We are a new organization working to prove that love can do extraordinary things.”
“You will do everything together & you are not allowed to leave the resort for the whole month.”
“We want to prove that opposites attract.”
Louis is allergic to peaches, Harry smells like peaches. Louis just came for the money. (+64K)
🪴 Sweet like sugar by 28sunflowers
Harry sometimes has bad days. Diabetes is not the easiest thing to live with. (+1K.)
🪴 Tuesday night by 28moon
“Cuddle me” Louis mumbles to his neck. “You smell like her '' Harry mumbles and pushes Louis rudely off. Louis furrows his brows pouting and tries to cuddle Harry again “Go shower” Harry commands, pushing Louis away again. “I'm too tired, can you just cuddle me and put that damn book down.” Louis sighs, getting a bit annoyed. “Nope, not when you smell like her” Harry answers. (+2K.)
🪴 You've Got the Antidote by sunflowerskyline
Harry has a painful migraine. Louis helps him feel better with soft words, delicate touches, and a bit of soothing skincare.
Featuring copious amounts of fluff, pet names, and general sappiness. (+2K.)
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cryptid-kratt-kid · 3 years ago
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Wild Kratts au Christmas Party part 9
~~~~~~~~~~
Moss sits in the vents with a watering can and lamp. He has covered literally everything around him in moss seeds.
Moss: Okay! Moss seeds are set and watered. Now for the waiting game.
6 hours later
Moss, a little bored of staring at moss seeds: It's been a while. I wonder what my kids are doing right now.
2 more hours later
Moss, pulling out his phone: Hey google, how long does it take moss to grow from seeds?
Google: Well tended moss begins to thrive at approximately six weeks.
Moss: SIX WEEKS? Aw, I'll have to grow my kids the perfect moss some other time. The party will be over by the time this stuff starts growing!
Before Moss can scurry back out of the vents, he hears a loud crash.
Moss, spooked: What the fuck was that? Are my kids trying to find me?
He slowly climbs closer to the source of the sound, but pauses when he hears the disturbing sound of bones being cronched.
Moss, whispering to himself: Wtf?
Moss quietly approaches the source of the sound, leading him to the kitchen pantry.
He looks down into the pitch darkness and sees the FNAK animatronics,
Completely decommissioned.
Moss: WHAT THE FUCK, WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
He surveys the damage done, and drops down out of the vents. It's not like they could hurt him in the state they were in.
Moss: How the hell? I thought these things were indestructible!
He searched around for any clues as to what might've happened.
Suddenly, he hears growling, and feels hot breath on the back of his neck.
He turns around, and lookes a twelve-eyed, six-legged, four-winged beast, dead in the eyes.
His mind battles between " Cool! New species!" And, " WTF WTF WTF WTF".
He pulls out his phone and snaps a couple pictures, before diciding that it's in his best interest to run for his damn life.
He bursts out of the pantry and books it for the New Wild crew.
~~~~~~~~~~
The New wild crew is huddled together eating ice cream. NW Jimmy is bawling.
NW Jimmy, sniffling: What if he never comes back?
NW Aviva: Don't say that! I'm sure he'll come back!
Moss, calling from the other side of the room: Hey kids! I'm back! And you won't believe what I found!
The NW kids all look up simultaneously and drop their ice cream as Moss sprints towards them.
The NW kids, getting up and running for their adopted father: Moss!
They all tackle Moss into a hug, knocking him to the ground.
NW Chris: You're back! You came back!
Moss: Huh? Of course I did! You didn't think I'd abandon you, did you?
NW Koki: We had to stop Jimmy from writing your obituary! You scared the crap out of us!
NW Martin: Yeah! Don't ever do that again!
Moss, laughing a little and getting up: Okay, okay, I won't!
NW Aviva: Where were you? We haven't seen you in days!
Moss: Oh I was in the vents trying to grow the perfect moss, but I recently learned that moss takes 6 weeks to grow so I gave up on that endeavor.
NW Martin: So much has happened since we last saw you! I had my birthday, Ocean Blue and Feral got attacked, we've got an arena now!
Moss: Woah! Slow down! You're gonna have to explain all that in detail for me, chief!
The New Wild kids and Moss, finally get to have their happy little reunion straight out of a movie.
Moss, thinking to himself: I'm sure that monster thing can wait, right?
~~~~~~~~~~
SORRY FOR THE LATE PART! Today's been kinda hectic, and I've been having some trouble getting a solid story down!
This part is probably riddled with mistakes but I'm trying my best! I really hope you enjoy!
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maximoff56 · 4 years ago
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I'll do anything for you
Summary: You see marriage as pointless and cringey and when Tom agrees with you on your opinion you think nothing of it. Until one day you hear Tom talking over the phone with Harry.
Warnings: angst, fluff, mentions of family issues, insecurities, guilt.
Word count: 1k+
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Tom heard you scoff from across the room, he was sitting on his laptop reading over the script his manager had sent him while you were on your phone, scrolling through Instagram.
"You alright love?" Toms voice caught your attention and you looked up from your phone. Your cousin was getting married and they kept making such a big deal out if it, so much that it was just getting irritating at this point.
"Yea, all good" you dismissed him and went back to scrolling on your phone. Your answer was not bought by Tom and a pillow was thrown at you "you are a child Thomas" You giggled and threw the pillow back at him.
"What is wrong y/n?" His voice was a bit more stern, you sighed not wanting to share the reason. Every time you brought up your opinions on marriage you were judged and out down for them, told thing like 'you're to young to know' or 'you havnt found the right person'
"My cousin is getting married, and I just don't see the appeal. They are actually like she won a Nobel prize or some shit" your eyes were set on the ground so you missed the fall of Toms face. "I personally have never seen myself getting married, it just uh doesn't feel right I guess" when you looked back up at Tom hesitantly he had covered his hurt well and he just nodded along with your statement.
"I agree completely, marriage is quite stupid, a peice of paper doesn't define your relationship" a smile crept over your face when he said that, no one you had ever dated ever agreed with you on marriage and you wrre glad you and Tom had been on the same page.
"You have no idea how relieved that made me Tommy" you jumped from where you were sitting and walked over to him, plopping down next to him on the couch "I love you, and I don't need a stupid peice of paper to prove that" you grinned and pulled him into a kiss.
He kissed back with a smile, he kept his true thoughts about marriage to himself not wanting to make you feel bad. In reality Tom had always planned on a big wedding, he was going to use his grandmothers ring what his mother promised to let him use, he was a sap for really cute weddings and just having the labels of husband and wife, he just loved the thought. Although it seemed thaf it wouldn't ve happening considering your firm beliefs on it.
"I love you too darling" Tom whispered when you pulled away from the kiss, you squealed lightly and kissed his cheek before jumping off the couch and saying something about doing some cleaning but Tom wasn't really listening.
"Fuck" Tom ran his hands down his face and let his head fall back against the couch. Silently cursing himself not telling you is true feelings.
It had been about four days since you and Tom had talked about the whole marriage thing, he was acting a bit off but you pushed it aside, that was until you figured out why.
You had woken up and Tom had already been awake and he was sitting on the couch, phone in hand. You were going to go surprise but you stopped when you heard him talk.
"I know Harry, it's just. I've already dug myself into a hole, how am I just supposed to tell her. I just feel like I've done something wrong but I don't knw" Tom sighed and ran his hand through his hair.
"Look Tom, she loves you everyone can see it. So what if she doesn't want to get married, does it mean that much to you" you couldn't hear what Harry had said but Tom sure could.
"I know she loves me Harry but I've always pictured this whole big thing when I get married, and now she thinks I hate it just as much as she does, she called it pointless Harry, I don't know how to tell her" you felt awful as you turned away and walked back to your bedroom that you shared with Tom.
You flung yourself down on the bed and ran your hands up snd down your face. You should have noticed that Tom was lying about his opinions on marriage, you guys have been together for three years, you were just so blind sighted that you didn't notice.
"Darlin, oh hey I didn't know you were awake yet" Tom walked into the bedroom, he wore a smile on his face, one you couldn't bring yourself to match "Whats going on, why are you grumpy" he pouted and sat next you while you stayed laying down. "Babe" Tom grabbed one of your hand and interlaced your fingers with his "Talk to me"
"Why didn't you just tell me?" You sat up and Tom gave you some space to get comfortable before he answered.
"What are you on about" he looked confused, he genuinely didn't know what you were on about. There hadn't been much that he hadn't told you of then the marri-
"You love the idea if getting married" you sighed and looked over at your boyfriend who's face dropped as her kept his eye locked on your hand that was in his.
Tom took a deep breath "You just, you seemed to hate it so much. I didn't want to start a fight or anything, we don't need to get married it's just something I always thought I was gonna do"
"Tom, I hate the idea if marriage because my family was torn apart because my parents stayed in an unhappy marriage, same thing with my uncle, they were a great couple but then they got married and that all just went away. I don't want that to happen, I really am sorry that I hate the idea so much. If it's a deal breaker I totally understand" Tom knew you had problems with family and he sympathized with you on that but he just couldn't wrap his head around why you blamed marriage but he knew he didn't want to lose you and if that ment not getting married, he would survive.
"Its not a deal breaker darling, I promise. It's just something I need to adjust to, you know. I would never pressure you into something you wouldn't want to do. I love you" he captured your lips in his and you kissed back immediately.
It had been about 3 months since Tom had agreed to not get married, you knew it was hurting him deep down but he was pushing it away for your sake and that just make you feel worse.
So now you were sitting at your kitchen table awaiting Tom from returning from two months away for filming. Usually you were excited about him coming home but you were nervous, you had dicided that if getting married would make Tom happy, you'd do it. It wasn't that big if a deal, right?
You didn't have time to think about it anymore when when door to your house swung open "Y/n! Hey I'm ho-" he was cut off when you flung yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his neck. Tessa too has also came running from her place of the couch.
"Welk hello to you to darling" he chuckled, his bags long forgotten as he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer to him if that was even possible.
"Marry me" you blurted out when you pulled your face away from the crook of his neck. His eyes widened in pure shock but you had a shit eating grin in your face.
"But uh y-you said it was pointless" Tom couldn't help the smile that played on his lip though, he seriously hoped you were being genuine about this because be didn't want you to feel pressured.
"Yea Tommy I know, but I mean so much to you to have a wedding and though I find it cheesy and sappy. It makes you happy, and when you're happy I'm happy. So what do you say?" You knew that you'd have to figure out a way for you both to enjoy the wedding but right now the look on Toms face was all you needed.
"Yes of course I'll marry you" pulling you into another kiss, you giggled when he tried pulling you closer to him, "Thank you" he whispered against your lips here he pulled away "you don't have to do this for me you know"
"I'll do anything for you"
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thepaperpanda · 5 years ago
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CROSSfire || Sam Drake x Reader Smut
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Summary: Sam needs your help with getting the cross. Who says that such a difficult task can't be enjoyable?
Warnings: Smut
Words: 4016
Authors: Cass & Rouge
Request by: @porgswillrullgalaxymotherfucker
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The auction day came quickly.
You stepped into an old castle, wearing a lacy, red dress that reached half of your thighs. It was a flared dress with deep neckline and revealed back. You wore black high heels in an addition to your outfit. Your hair were pinned up in a bun.
 You walked into a huge ballroom, a lot of people were inside; ladies in dresses, gentlemen in tuxedos or suits.
 You smelled the champagne in the air, and smiled to yourself. Reaching to your little purse, you pulled a little mirror out and checked your red lipstick. It was applied perfectly, so you smiled proudly to your reflection.
Sam and Nate looked around the crowded ballroom. The plan was simple: get the cross and run away. There was nothing in between them and the artefact.
 When Nate casually watched people and the room itself, Sam's eyes stopped at beautiful young lady in a flared, red dress.
Older Drake was a simple man, freshly out of the jail, so he thought a female company would be a very nice addition.
 Sam tapped Nate's shoulder. "Listen, we still have some time before the big plan. So I will go do reconnaissance among the people. Who knows, maybe I will find out something interesting," he shrugged and quickly walked away to follow the girl before Nate could say a word.
 Nathan blinked and narrowed his brows, observing how his older brother walked away and soon vanished among the crowd. He understood that Sam was all alone by many years, but it wasn't a proper place nor time for affairs. He didn't stop Sam, though.
 You took a glass of champagne off the silver plate that a waiter offered. Taking a little sip, you left a mark of your red lips on the glass. You walked closer to he podium, and took a proper look on the cross. You had to get this item.
 Sam grabbed one glass as well and walked to the girl. He took a quick sip of the champagne, noticing that woman was looking at the cross. He dicided it's his chance. "Saint Dismas cross... Really rarity of tonight's event. Are you here for it? Or does lady like you wait to buy a nice ancient necklace to match this beautiful dress?"
 You stopped sipping your champagne, and slowly turned head to face the man who spoke to you.
 First impression was more than positive. He seemed stylish and classy. As tall as he was, he hovered over you. He was for sure older than you.
 "I'm into getting this beautiful cross," you replied with cocked brow.
Even though his comment made you flattered, you tried to hide it.
 Sam looked at the woman and smiled as his eyes scanned her body. Here was a perk of being tall, taking a peak into woman's cleavage wasn't too hard.
 He chuckled casually taking a sip from his glass. "Oh, really? And what will you do with this cross? Are you a private collector or something?"
 "Let's say I need it for work purposes," you replied and moved around. You caught him staring into your boobs, and you felt like blushing.
 With a swing in your hips, you walked into the door direction. "And you?," You asked loudly. "What's your purpose here?"
 Sam followed the woman admiring the nice move of her hips. Maybe he was locked away for way too long? "Well, I came here to get the cross. I also need it for my work," he hummeed with a small nod. "You see, I am the Saint Dismas expert. This thing would help a lot in my research."
 You stopped in the threshold, and leant your back against a doorframe. "Oh, so apparently, you're the expert. It's a pleasure for me then," you sent him a brief smile. You pushed your hips forward gently, you knew he was observing you. "What do you do for living?"
 "Uhm, ya know. I read, I do research, travel," Sam shrugged, standing right next to her.
"I meet beautiful ladies from time to time. This is the best part, honestly."
 "Oh, you mean it?," You asked and ran the tip of your tongue along your lower lip.
 Sam dared to slowly wrap his arm around her waist and smiled. "Oh, sure I do mean it and I need to say this, I have never met a lady as stunning and beautiful as you."
 You slowly cocked one of your brows. Oh, how flattered you were! He was making you blush. And he was a complete stranger!
 You tilted your head a little. "I bet you say things like this to every girl."
 Sam shook his head as he stroked her waist gently with his colosal hand. "No, these words are reserved for one special lady and I think I found her. After all the years of searching."
 You looked at him, you didn't know what to say.
The compliments he was offering you were the cheapest one, but somehow you were falling for them. At least a little part of you was.
 The auction started, so you excused him. "I need to take the best place now," you told him. "But who knows, maybe we'll meet up later?"
 You walked away, with the familiar swing in your hips, turning your head a little to looked at him above your shoulder.
 Sam watched her hips with a smile, he just got the idea how to get the cross and leave this place in peace.
 He quickly went to Nathan who was talking to Sully. "Gentlemen, I just created a master plan that will help us get a cross."
 "Honestly I am scared to ask," Sully muttered.
 "So what's your plan, Sam? I can sneak out to the controlling room and switch the lights off, as we planned before," Nathan crossed arms over his chest.
 He shook his head. "There is no need for this, little brother. See that beautiful girl in red dress?" Sam discreetly pointed at you. "This little cutie is horny for that cross. Well, not only for the cross if you two catch my drift," he said with a small shrug. "Here is the thing. We need to let her win it. Later I will get it."
 Sully exchanged surprised glances with Nathan.
 The younger Drake asked first. "How are you going to do this?," He looked at his older brother.
 Sully rubbed his chin. "There are a lot of guards around. How are you going to force her to give you the cross? Are you going to kick her so she will lose consciousness?"
 Sam let out a fake laugh and rolled his eyes.
"Oh, come on, Victor. We all are gentlemen here and we sure know how to treat a good lookin' lady," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.
 Sullivan stroked his mustache. "I am afraid you might be too sure of yourself. Such a woman, she doesn't look like a fool girl."
 "Let him try," Nathan decided.
 "I talked with her and she's already mine," Sam winked. "Besides, I still can steal the cross from her. She is alone, and I am twice her size. What can go wrong?," He was sure of his idea.
 ------------------
The auction was fierce and rough, many people wanted to out their hands on the cross.
 Nathan and Sully were standing in the back of the ballroom, sipping on their drinks, observing the place.
 You were setting the highest bids, and finally, after half an hour, you made it. The Saint Dismas cross was yours.
 As soon as you took the artifact in your hands, you finished your champagne and left the room. You headed to the bathroom.
 "Here she goes. Cross fingers for me," Sam said walking away.
 He followed you, making sure he looked decent. "Well, hello there, lucky lady. I can see the luck doesn't leave your side tonight," Sam greeted you when he got close enough.
 You frowned as soon as you heard the male voice behind you. You turned head around, and relaxed as soon as you spotted the stranger who talked to you earlier. "I think you lost your way. Men's toilet is on the other side of the corridor," you pointed a white door for him. "And apparently it was my lucky auction, indeed."
 Sam laughed and nodded. "Oh, don't worry, I am not lost in any way. You said that maybe we will met again, so I just decided to help my luck," he shrugged. "How about celebrating your victory?"
 "I'm set with my friends," you told him. "I need to fix my hair and I'm going to leave. Celebration will be huge tonight," you admitted and opened the door to the restroom. You stepped in, and closed the door behind you.
 As soon as you did, you shifted the cross into your purse.
 Sam rolled his eyes, he was getting slightly annoyed. He wanted to get the cross and to get off, this was something he really needed.
 Rubbing his face he followed you inside the bathroom. Even if it was wrong. "Oh, come on, little one. Why are you running away from me like that?"
 You were leaning over a sink, sipping the water from your curled palm. You choked on it when you heard the man stepped into the restroom right behind you. "I'm sorry, it's ladies' bathroom," you reminded him and wiped your lips with a top of your palm.
 You measured his features with an interested glance, from the bottom to the top. Oh, how handsome this man was. His attention was flattering you.
"I'm not running away, sir," you informed him, yet licked your lips. He was even more than handsome, you had to admit when he stepped in a full light.
 "Oh, so it's a sir? I like this nickname," Sam said with a smile, checking you out again. You looked so beautiful that Sam wanted to fuck you right here, he noticed how you looked at him as well. "Like what you see, little one?"
 You didn't reply. Instead, you turned with your back to him and you started applying some powder to your nose. "Let's say I do. It's been a while since I saw a man your age in such a good shape."
 Sam chuckled and walked to you, he pressed his front to your back, trapping you between the sink and his body. "I feel flattered that you think something like this about me, but trust me, girl, I am in s good shape in every way possible," he whispered right into your ear.
 Instinctively, you stick your bun out to him, pressing it to his crotch, and rubbing your ass over him. You licked your lips slowly, looking at your reflection in a huge mirror. You smirked at the man. "So. You do feel flattered? So maybe I'll try to make you blush now," you whispered.
 As you were trapped between the man and the counter there the sink was, you didn't want to turn to him. Instead, you slowly moved stripes of your dress down, slowly freeing both of your hands and exposing your naked boobs to him. You did it as slowly as possible, at the same time still rolling your hips and rubbing your bun against his crotch.
 Sam moved his hand to your belly, he looked at you in the mirror. "Oh, sweetheart. You will need more than that to make me blush."
His hand moved from your belly to cup your boob. Sam massaged it, playing with your nipple while his lips attacked your neck.
 With a gasp you rolled head back, resting it in his chest. You provided him better access to your neck.
One of your hands was placed to his on your boob, you licked your lips some more when he pinched your nipple. Meantime, other hand of yours moved to be placed on his thigh. Even through his pants you could feel well built muscles.
 Sam pushed his hips against you, he kissed your neck and moved to your shoulder. "You are a naughty little thing, ain't ya?"
Sam's hand left your boob and moved between your bodies to move the lower part of your dress up. "Let's see what are you hiding there."
 You gasped and moved in his arms, turning around to face him. You pulled the hems of your dress up and exposed your black, lacy panties.
 "Well, hello there, beautiful," Sam hummed and kissed you. He moved your panties aside and his finger immediately traveled to your clit. "Tell me what do you desire."
 You licked your lips and jumped on the counter, parting your legs widely for him. You caught man by his white shirt and pulled him closer, so his crotch pressed to your exposed clit. "I have no idea. Girls just want to have fun though, so maybe show me how it is to have fun with older, experienced man like you," you ran your hand up and down his chest, licking your lips slowly.
 "As this expirianced man I suggest we skip this boring foreplay and get straight to the main fun," Sam said before working on his pants and letting them drop down to his ankles together with his boxers. "Just look what you're doing to me," he growled, giving himself few strokes.
 You licked your lips and reached hand to place it on his shaft. Man's cock was hard, smooth in touch, yet with many veins on the surface, so you hummed loudly. Your thumb rubbed his tip. Then, you spat on your palm and rubbed your clit as well.
 Sam watched you with amusment before removing your hand from your clit. He looked you right in the eyes, and slowly pushed his cock in, Sam's fingers started to work on your clit while his hips snapped roughly.
 You rolled head back, letting a little whimper out. He roamed into you viciously, he gave you pain, but the pleasure made it all up for you. "You like younger girls, don't ya?," You gasped in anticipation of his another thrust.
 Sam pinched your clit gently, not stopping his movements. "I like all girls, as long as they do not complain about headache too much," man winked at you. Sam's hips stuttered a little. He was getting close, maybe he was locked away a bit too long.
 After some time, you pushed him off, so his cock slipped out of you with a wet noise. Jumping off the counter, you turned around, resting your hands against counter edge. You shook your ass for the man. "How about fucking this little pussy from behind, Mr Traveler?," You moaned.
 Samuel hummed loudly taking your hips and massaging them. "Oh, miss Artifacts Buyer. I will gladly fuck this nice, tight pussy from behind."
He pushed deep inside of you, fucking you in a quick, hard pace. Sam's hand grabbed your hair, pressing your head against the counter. He made sure you did not look at your abandoned bage. Sam reached inside with his other hand. "Such a good girl, letting me fuck you like a whore," Sam purred as he found the cross, he quickly pulled it out and placed it in the inner pocket of his jacket.
 You were moaning for him like a good girl would.
The fact he caught a handful of your hair add some spiciness to the entire act.
You hummed deeply and pushed your hips back more, rolling them a little in his hips. At that time, you were getting closer and closer to the peak.
 Sam moved the jacket aside a little and pressed his chest to your back. "Is my girl getting close? I can feel that sweet pussy squeezing my cock," he picked your leg and place it on the counter. "Just like that, my girl."
 You turned head a little to give him a glance from half-closed eyelids. "I don't wanna break this tense but I am cumming!," You moaned loudly for the man when he switched the position a little as you core has gotten tight like never before. "Don't ya dare to torture me."
 Sam smiled pulling on your hair  gently, this scene was beautiful to him. "Oh, c'mon, sweetheart. No one is torturing you," he moaned placing few kisses to your nape. "You can cum, I can't wait to feel it actually," Sam whispered in a low tone.
 "Oh, God," you gasped under your breath, and even the words you've said were addressed to you, you caught a grin on his lips with a corner of your eye.
 In the same moment, your inner walls started clenching around his member. The feeling was unbearably wonderful, you could sense all of the veins on his shafts, and this literally drove you crazy.
 Moaning like a little kitten, you slipped hand between your thighs to rub yourself. With a smirk on your face you discovered that you were dripping down your parted thighs. And all of this because of this handsome stranger...
 You screamed when your pussy clenched around man's cock for a long few seconds. You could feel how the wetness is covering him.
 Sam groaned loudly at the wonderful feeling of tightness, and at your wetness covering him. He wanted to stay like this forever, but he had a mission, and he had to go back to his brother soon. "Such a good, little girl. You feel wonderful, now get down on your knees. I am not done yet," Sam said looking at your reflection in the mirror. He winked at you as he slowly pulled out.
 You gasped sadly at the feeling of emptiness within your core. You knew your panties was soaking wet, and you thought you'll have to get rid of them. And this was your favourite pair of panties...
 You turned to face the man, but instead getting down on your knees, you climbed on you tiptoes and placed a lovingly kiss to man's jaw, then you pressed your rosy lips to his rough ones. You were kissing him for a moment, letting your tongue dance along with his, and you could swear to God, this was the best feeling ever.
 Then, taking your time, you slowly knelt in from of the stranger and gasped a little at a sight of his erected cock. Its size was more than average, the shaft was covered with veins, and was throbbing a little. You licked your lips and spat on the tip. Tip of your tongue ran along the shaft, from base to the tip. Then, you slipped it into your mouth.
 Sam looked down on you, licking his lips after such an enjoyable kiss. His hand moved into your hair, but this time he didn't pull on them, he simply scratched your scalp. "That's it, you're a clever girl," Drake mutttered, enjoying the feeling of your sweet lips wrapped around his cock. "Keep it up, sweetheart, and I will fucking cum."
 You bobbed your head back and forth. Your hands were placed on his thighs. Some of wet noises could be heard within the room and you sucked on man's shaft hardly. Soon, one of your palms cupped his balls. Slowly squeezing it between your fingers, you increased your pace. In the end, you tried to deep-throat him. You slipped almost all of his cock down your throat and gagged yourself a little.
 Sam chuckled observing your attempt.
"Careful there, little one. I don't want you to get hurt here." He winked.
 Sam let you continue the work. He was getting closer and closer to the climax.
When Sam got close enough, he grabbed your hair and pulled you away from his cock. He grabbed it and gave himself few strokes befor painting your gorgeous face white with his cum. "I never thought there might be something that can make you even more beautiful. I think I was mistaken."
 You wiped his cum from your nose and cheek; it was thick and viscous.
You ostentatiously put your fingers covered in his cum into your lips and licked them clean, with your eyes still on his face. "Mocha?," You raised your brow. "You gotta drink too much coffee, sweetheart."
 "What can I say? I love my coffee," Sam laughed, improving his pants. "You should clean yourself up before going out to your friends, sweetheart."
 You nodded and got back to your feet. You tugged your panties down and there them into a trash bin. Then, you looked at yourself in the mirror. Your hand slipped to your purse.
 Sam cleared his throat and walked to the trash bin. "Such a waste, bad girl," he summed up and pulled the panties from the bin. Sam wanted to pull your attention away from the purse, and to have a little souvenir from this little adventure. "Guess I will take these. Maybe one day you will want them back. You will have to find me," Sam giggled with his loud tone and winked at you walking to the door.
 You blinked and your hand stopped few millimetres from the purse. "Are you joking?," You asked him and blushed. You quickly improved the dress and wiped rest of his cum with a paper towel.
 Licking your lips, you walked to him. "Tell me your name at least, handsome stranger."
 "Drake. That's all you need to know, little one," Sam pulled you into a deep kiss, pulling your lower lip gently with teeth. "I hope to see you again."
 He slipped out from the bathroom and walked away.
When he was sure you weren't watching nor following him, Sam quickly ran to look for Nathan and Sully.
 "We can go now," He announced simply as soon as he found them.
Drake.
You could swear you'd heard this surname somewhere before. You couldn't recall where you might have heard thus surname.
 You cleaned yourself and left the bathroom.
 When you had gotten to your car, you dropped the purse to seat next to the driver seat. You slipped hand in, and paled. You couldn't find the cross.
You grabbed the purse and flipped it upside down. Only a pack of handkerchiefs, a lipstick, a little mirror and a pack of condoms fell out. "FUCK," you screamed.
 ------------------
"I told you it will be easy. Easiest way to women's treasure...," Sam said proudly, patting the part of jacket where the cross was hidden, "Leads trough her pussy," he finished and laughed.
 Nathan looked at his older brother in disbelief. "Sam. Get civilized, please. I'm the last one to hear about your sexual adventures," he claimed. "Let's focus on Avery now. Even if he doesn't have a pussy, he's the most important figure for us now."
 "How desperated your wife had to be to put a ring on such a bore like you, little brother,"  Sam said wrapping arm around Nate's shoulder. "You're right, but later you need to hear me out. She was amazing! So soft and small. Maybe you will get idea what to do to your wife," older Drake hummed, wigling his eyebrows.
 Nathan blushed reluctantly and pushed his brother away. "Sam. I beg you, stop. I don't want to hear anything like this. God," younger Drake looked at Sully, who only rubbed his chin. "Tell him something, Sully."
 Older man chuckled quietly. "You know, Nathan, you'd be saying other things after being locked down for the last 15 years. I have kind of understanding towards Sam."
 Nathan shook his head. "Whatever, gentlemen. Let's focus on our mission."
 "Oh yeah, yeah, let's focus, but Victor?," Sam turned to older man. "What would you say for some men time? Just us, good cigarettes or cigars, old whiskey and talking about ladies. Nate can go to sleep, he is too young to hear about such things," Sam joked.
 Sully only laughed and shook his head.
"Sounds good, but now I suggest to leave before your female adventure return to us in attempt to find the cross you've stolen," he said and after that the trio left the building.
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Pandies🐼: @imidarogerson @grossograsso @thewildgardensstuff @leven-and-ashley @la-verdura @bearded-steve-rogers @atuckyismylife @krispyjellyfishzombie @personality-within @haseki-huricihan @choppedgardenwhispers @vroobelek @lattimelka @chris-beamz @purepearls @volcanoxxx @kastrup-sofie @mikkal-akasaki @withoutashadowofhope @radbluebirdeagle @smutloversblog @buquete @super-psycho-love69 @tanglesss @peter-sommer @baysidewest @vegemania @philip-stan @chodiusmmm @tykorclint @dagger-dragger @kurant @oxfordkipem @deliciousbouquet90 @tuptuptup @hellenna80 @karina-marina9 @latimeriaaa @bratko @wurld89 @scott-evans @kiss-me-rouge @ovonel-espaniol @dancing-tacco @ratugadhi @white-tiger-shangrila @axn69 @eternal-life-awaits @mrs-laura-harmon @gleeeeees @darkllaama @jatut @agawux @fuzzy-tigrrr @jrjohnsson2 @maaargoshaaa @einexx @nwmtagsb @secretlygrantaire @infinity-stones-seeker​ @thehappyspider​ @wings4life​ @huxyluxy​ @dontbeafraidchild​ @misafiryanki​ @electronicpatrolcollective​ @thisismysecrethappyplace @aulika​ @a-happy-wolf​ @creative-seahorse​ @biologyforliving​ @stareyedplanet​
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atravisphilepsclicker · 3 years ago
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Just found out that one of my favorite YouTubers (redytoglare) doesn't respect me or my identity...I feel like curling up in a ball and crying,,,,,like she's anti xenogender, anti otherkin(don't identity as other kin but have friends that do) and anti self diagnosis(she was mostly talking abt self diagnosed nd and mentally ill people sooo not a good look for someone who also struggles w/ mental illnesses). Like how can you not respect people and make videos shaming/making fun of them(she bloked out names but that's abt it)???
TW:LOTTA VENTING!!! like I just let my tierd ass spew out all my emotions so be ready for a bunch of spelling mistakes. I wrote it as if I'm talking to her so you might get confused
Is it that hard to let people live different lives than what you seam "normal" and I wasted my energy and time giving you mony supporting you and watching all of those fucking drama videos and going into a toxic ass community for this shit?? You gave me comfort when you spoke about issues, you made it seam like we were friends chatting about the shitshow of a world we live in. I even thought about buying your art and murch. I know you will never in your life read this but I just feel betrayed. I got sucked into a toxic community when I felt like shit and wanted to die, to find you and others who I thought were trusted.and allys tutn out to be some lonely mother fuckers that think it's okay to shit on people for content.
Btw how I found out was, I dicided that I wanted to watch her old series " why tumblr sucks " and I was like, yeah tumblr does suck. I thought she was just going to talk abt radfems and shit like that but no I go down a spiral of mockery of my identity and the only way I could let my emotions out without crying was venting so yeah. And now we're here ༎ຶ‿༎ຶ
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thescottpack · 5 years ago
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Family Meeting - ( Jason Todd Fanfiction)
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<- chapther 8
chapther 9
The way Y/n slept that night was one of the best ways possible, she didn't have nightmares, her sleep was so deep that she didn't even notice Jason waking up at night to check if she was still there. It was only now in the morning that she slowly opened her eyes while yawning and stretching her arms. Y / n puer her hand on the other side of the bed looking for Jason, but she quickly found him getting out of the bathroom.
"Hi beautiful." He knelt on the bed facing her.
"Hi hundsome."
"Do you want something to eat?"
Y/ n blinked a few times and looked around.
"No, we need to leave. It is not our home."
Jason rolled his eyes.
"We should probably do that."
"Probably?"
Jason moved closer to her as he climbed onto the bed completely.
"We have something more important to do."
Jason kissed her while Y/ n spreads her legs to give him space. His kisses went down to the neck and towards the ear where he whispered.
"There are so many things that I want to do with you."
"And I give you total permission."
Jason was now in the middle of the bed and pulled Y/n to sit on his lap, he took his shirt off the girl's body, then he looked ate her eyes again, while Y / n ran her hand through his hair. Suddenly she pulled Jason to a fervent kiss, they were devoring each other.
Y / n was moving on Jason's lap and now she could feel his member hard.
Jason's kisses were now on Y / n's chest. She found an opportunity and directed his member to her entrance.
Y / n takes him slowly causing him to bite his lip hard.
"You are a fucking tease." Jason said looking into her eyes.
"I know and you love it."
It was something so intimate, every time they wanted to show love they stayed  close as possible, they liked to look each other in the eye.
Then Jason started to help Y / n increase the speed, while she held his shoulders, Jason's hands that were on her back went down to her waist to help with the movementand his other hand went down a little more towards her spot.She pulled Jason's hair and he smiled.
Y / n dicide to push Jason down to the bed, her hands were now on his chest and pushing him util he’s lying. this new position make easy for her to go faster.
"Fuck babe!"
Jason holds her waist tightly.She feel that she is getting close and can’t hold for much longer.
Jason throws Y/n quickly into bed without disconnecting from her, as his thrusts are fast and stronger now.Her legs are crossed around Jason torso and her nails scratching his back. Jason cum with her while two breathe fast. Jason puts his head on Y / n's neck.
"I don't want to go back to a mannor."
"Why?"
"I don't want to pretend that I’m be a good boy."
"You don't have pretend to be someone else, for your information, you are good for me."
a/n: sorry I kinda forgot how to write. LOL
masterlist
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gottalovelifeya · 3 years ago
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So I've read that twice now, and I'm still trying to figure it out, and something I can't figure out is, is there even a chance at all or am I still just being my optimistic self, I think I need to start trying to abandon that idea, becuse as it stands I'm not going to loose my retirement or go to jail becuse than, there's no future with her or just at all period, I'm just trying to not give the impression that I don't want her or I life's great now, but I mean it's literally all on her at this point, and I don't know what all she has going on and honestly for once I don't want to know, but I need a hug, and honestly even if I'm not emotionaly ready for anything serious, I just need someone in my life, like honestly it dosnt even have to be anything serious, just someone to cuddle up on the couch and watch movies, go out to dinner or cook for eachother, go out on little dates, and just have a good with them really. You see my whole thing with it thow, is it wrong to try and seek out or have that with someone, even if there fully aware that you need a shit ton of time to actually build love with them, becuse I've only ever bene aww struck once, and ive bene married once but that was rushed, and there wasn't a foundation to our marriage at all. And I mean after as long as we were together there was love, but it wasn't the kind that is like litterly the for better or worse, no matter what happens will be by each others sides, and a couple months ago she literally just bounced on me because she was done being an adult because we lost 2 houses over the course of a year, first becuse covid(not being able to get a job) and we lost all our worlds possession and I had to put down our 3 cats because 2 of them were disabled, and we couldn't live with the idea of just abandoning them on the side of the road, and just wondering and being worried about there safety and well being.
Then we moved back here so that I could complete all the steps to receive my retirement, and living with my parents was really hard and put alot of strain on our Marriage, becuse she dispised my parents because they wouldnt let us bring our cats here, becuse they have dogs, and so she still blames them for the cats deaths.
And than after 2 months of living with the fam I started reviveing 50% of my benefits and started receiving my GI bill school stypen, so we got a house on 4 acers, and it was awesome not haveing nehbors, but than several months ago I just got realy depressed and down because they started talking about leaving Afghanistan, and than no shit can't even make this up, the house litterly cracks down the middle, and she just says she couldent do this anymore, becuse no matter how much we continustly improved and our lives and standards of living just continueusly kept improving, but she was just done being a adult and disided to move back in with her dad, and maby go to school, I honestly don't even know what she's doing now. We talked resintly but that was only to figure out if we're going to do our divorce threw MS or TX, and what state offers a simpler process.
And now all this happens with the love of my life and it's just kind of like, this is all so recent am I even in the right state of mind to again not jump into a relationship, but I guess prosue just like a female companion, with the intent to you know basically act like we're in a relationship and but with this whole supper long process of realy and truly getting to know eachother.
Because I highly dought I'll ever hear from this chick again, but I swear I'm the most hopfull and confident mother fucker in the world, so it's just like offcourse things will work out eventually because I live here now and forever, so how couldn't it, but yesterday definitely clerified alot of how she feels, and that's were I than go and say,"o ya" does it clarify her feelings for you because you have no idea what was said and happened and you can't even ask now without looseing everything that you said youed get to be with her in the first place.
But I mean with all that said, it's like there's litterly nothing I can do, without again risking my freedom and benefits, and honestly if I hurt her that bad, to get to this point, I'm just not even going to mess with it, ied like to be with her, but that's probably never going to happen.
So than it comes full circle to the original question, am I even emotionally ready to try a procue, any kind of realtonship and any level with anybody, becuse I feel ready, and I'm financially ready, and I actually have like a living situation going for myself, and I'm in school to get a super high paying job working over at stenis makeing 47$ starting and only working a 9-5. Like relationships aside I've litterly never bene doing better with this thing we call life
But with how this whole situation just went down, that has me questioning myself, granted there were alot of complexitys to It and while I didn't have the right to threaten someone else, I feel like theres some justification in getting mad over it. But still i question myself because I talked down to someone who I love and that's not ok.
And than all the stuff with my wife, granted litterly none of it was my fault, theres litterly nothing I could have done to prevent any of it, but I just have this feeling that I let her down and I don't ever want to let someone down that bad, and with that like litterly you can do everything right, and sometimes life just happens and dicides to repedaly fuck you, and so the moral of all that, is, I'm not saying I'm tore up about it, I'm not saying I want her back, she abandoned me, what I'm saying is that was my wife, and I feel like I let her down, like if that makes scene, it's not a regret thing, it's marriage is something that I think should be held really dear and sacred, regardless if it's good or bad, or if you got. Married for the right or wrong reasons. So I'm saying it's like I feel like I failed as a husband, and I failed in the role of being a husband, and again it's not regret and it's not me wishing it didn't happen, I believe in traditional values and, twice over the span of a year we lost the roof over our heads, again not my fault, but I take it personally in a way.
So what's the boild down thots on that, and going out and starting something new, or more specifically slowly working towards that, I don't want to gain someone's trust and than not actually be able to provide, or more or less go threw actuall hardship with someone, and it's because they chose to follow me around there now in a situation, again I didnt actually do anything wrong with any off it, but it's kind of like my deployment in reality I just did my job, and that's that, but I still take surtan parts of it personally
So that and than, just recently I got drunk and talked down to someone I loved, and was really mean, and than put them in a situation that wasn't right, again none of it was right at all, and it was super complex, but regardless I don't like how that ended becuse it ended in fear, and at the end of the day, that's the one thing I always told myself I would never do again with any female, but hey fucking insain shocker it litterly just so happen to be with the same person who originally made me say that to myself.
So it's those 2 things that really have me on the fence, becuse it's like I'm saying I just want some kind of companionship that's more than friends, and a little more serious, but i know that me as a person, emotionaly it will take god knows how long, before Ill be able to actually love them, becuse I'm still trying to re-evaluate what exactly does It mean to love someone, becuse to me it's ride or die, for better or worse, no exceptions, and honestly the biggest factor that will come up is what are there feelings for me, becuse like if they can just be loyal, honestly say the love me, and be there for me and just be enjoyable to be around, thated be enough to earn my love, but now I'm at the point we're it's like, well ied need proof to offer myself fully and truly look them in the eye, and say I'll always be there for you and you can always count on me
And that's the million dollar question, at what point do you actually have proof, at what point can you actually know, becuse like if I'm going to just try this with some random person, like we're do you set the bar, what standard do you hold them to
So like talking to people and actually have a realtionship of sorts is easy to maintain and do. But I'm at the point we're I want the person I die with, spend the rest of my days with. Because picking up chicks, going out, fucken, haveing fun, that's all super easy and has never bene a problem, but actual love, and my idea of what it is, I honestly question if it exists, I've only felt it at it's most real with one person, and with my wife, we knew eachother for 9 days, and it was kind of like hey, "I'm going to be completely honest with you, I relay like your personality and I like you as a person, so do you want to take a shot in the dark, see what happens, get married, so I can move out of the barracks and you can move out of your dad's house", and she said yes, and her only input towerds it was we can't tell our familys tell your out of the army because we barely knew eachother, and we just wanted to keep things simple.
it really was like a friend's moving in together and just living life and and enjoying each other's company and there was love but there was no foundation to our relationship at all, 9 days. That is some army shit right there.
But ya that was really interesting, becuse the whole idea was trile by fire, becuse know we talked about it seriously, and what we were both looking for, and so the idea was you know how, there are sertan things about people that you just don't like but you live with it or accept it because you love them, well that was going to be our thing, just see what happens.
And the whole will wait tell your out of the army thing was because, by that point we'de have actually successed and started a happy life or we'd still just be friends by the end of it, and so wene your In the army they pay for you to get a house, so it was a win win for both of us, and it had the potential to be so much more, so we littrly said fuck it let's see what happens.
So that's that story and background becuse I don't want it so seem like I'm talking shit about her, by saying there's no foundation, it's becuse there litterly wasn't, and wene I say she abandoned me, ya even thow again our standard of living littlerly kept going up, and fast, we went from a 1 bedroom apartment, to a 4 bedroom house, to a 3 bedroom house in 4 acers. Life litterly just beat us into the dirt back to back, and she was just done with being an adult at that point, I guess you can only loose everything so many times before you just give up.
Ok another example, the love of my life, I litterly met her at a party, litterly love at first sight I have never experienced that with anyone else, asked her on a date at school, and we were together after that, like a couple, and that lasted years, granted the foundation came from dating for so long and then we got engaged, so completely different than my marriage
But the moral of that and what I'm trying to say, and trying to explain, is how the hell do you move slow, while having compassion, and I guess properly feel them out, and like actually get to know them as a person and at what point can you genuinely trust them, like at what point is it litterly you can say ok This is the one.
Because with the love, she couldnt leave here family and come to elpaso, at the time I didn't understand that, and sadly I lost my temper over it. And I honestly don't even know what this last attempt was, I'm just going to call It horrible timing, litterly the worst time for me to show up.
And with the wife, we litterly tolk those vows "for better or worse" and wene stuff got worse she left.
So for the wife I could littlerly never take her back because she broke our vows, and with the love I dought shill ever call, or have anything To do with me again, but sadly I dought I could ever actually give up hope that shed call, becuse it's like hey, just like the first time, I didn't understand why she'd have a problem moving all the way to elpaso, this second time now, This was beyond a complicated situation, and just like before I wouldn't hold it against her because, again this was just a all around horrible situation, litterly just wow, and this is the part were I step back and realy have to remember my mind works alot differently and so while it comes off as a open and shut situation to me, and I tried to work with her I really did, but I could never understand any of this from her point of view and the struggles and complexity of how this must have bene from her side.
But getting back on topic, I'm trying to explain this so I can read it all and try and figure it out myself.
Basically, if I start something with someone new, how do you actually get to the point were you can say you fully know them inside and out, have absolute trust, and know in your heart, that there the one, and even at that, would it ever be far to them, becuse I have a idea of what my perfect some is, and it's just this horrible reality with both the first time and second time, and how it ended, nether of those situations were her fault, and becuse of that i can't blame her for eather situation, and as unlikely as it is, that's still what I want.
Again back on topic, with my wife I always had that problem of comparing her to my love, and a prity big chunk of me still wanted her but out of respect for her choice I stayed away, and This go around I'm not worried about the legal ramifications at all, but it's the fact that I got to the point it did, I'll stay away out of respect, becuse the police are a joke and I'm not afraid of them or the possibility of dieing, but if she and the people in her life thot that was the only option they had, than ya, I feel as tho I have agian lost the right to speack to her honestly, and that's the conclusion I came to after I really sat down and thot about the situation, and I just hate it because I'm not a bad, mean, hatefull, or evil. But wene loyalty and truth becomes a problem I don't know why, I litterly can't explain it, but it sets me off, and so know she has the first time she ended it because I questioned her loyalty and lost it wene she called off our marriage, and now this time, again it was overly complicated and I could never understand all her feelings about all of it, and again I lost it, and didnt go about it correctly, I just hope she knows who I am as a person, like I was able to prove that to her over the course of the month and that I really tried my best but everybody has a breaking point and I guess mines a month.
Good dame I keep going on tangents. Ya so I'm not looking for flings or a girlfriend, I've already played those games way to much and had my fill of it, and I just don't want to approach it in a jaded way, or just have unrealistic standards, becuse there's only one love, and she can never be replaced, but maby there's someone different out there that can also be a love, not a replacement but just everything I want and more and, hopefully better, becuse I'm starting to think that looking for a replacement isn't the right way to go about it, like it seems like a toxic mindset or a self defeating prophecy, becuse you can't replace a person everybody's unique, and you can't just find a replacement. And I think I understand that know
So I hate wording it like this, but the hunt isnt for a replacement it's for something better in it's own special way, and I hate wording it like becuse at surface value it sounds like, there could be a better version of her or like there is just someone better, but that's not the case, it's just I need to find someone who's special in there Owen way and not sit there and compare here to my love.
Suppriseingly the dreams stopped and again I don't want it to seem like my interest in her is gone or any less, but that burning need to have her in my life isn't realy there just because, the way things ended this go around and everything that went into it, if she doesn't feel the same, than I mean that's just life at that point, it's a shame we didn't get a chance to rebuild it, but I helped however I could and anyway shed let me, and again I still love her more than anything, but the situation wasnt exactly open and shut, and if things got to a point we're fear is involved, than ya, I wish I could say sorry, but thats not really a option now.
I don't know, I think honestly just sitting here a writing this shirt story I finally put some of the pieces together.
If she ever calls I'll drop whatever I'm doing and give her 100% of me and all I can give, and becuse the odds of that are really low I think, I'm going to try and find someone, and not set any kind of standard based off of past relationships and personality traights that compare to her, or make any comparisons at all to her, this process will take a long time, but I need to find someone who is special in there Owen way, and accept who they are without comparison, not a replacement but just something new, the only expectation, and only thing that is a must, is trust, loyalty, and loves me for me, becuse that's not right and it dosnt make scene to compare someone to a very special person from my past, becuse there's only one love, I've searched high and low, there's not another, so who knows maby one day, but ya I've explained that enough, so ya who would have thot all it would take is a short story to figure out how I should approach the next person
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choisungg · 5 years ago
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is that [CHOI SEUNG HYUN]? no, that’s just [Choi Sung]. [HE/HIM] is [TWENTY-EIGHT] years old and is song writer. rumor has it they’ve been in town for [TWENTY YEARS]. on a good day, they’re [TRUSTWORTHY & WITTY]. but watch out! they can also be [CONTROLLING & CYNICAL]. [THE WEEKND-HEARTLESS] plays in my head whenever i think of them. can’t wait to see them around springhill! [lh, 20, gmt, she/her]
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Hey, guys I am Lu and I play this handsome man Sung. You can learn more about him under the read more /tw: bulling, depression; drug use, alcohol/ I’d love to plot with all of you so please like this and i’ll come to you.
@shstarters
NAME: Choi Sung
AGE:28
OCCUPATION: Song-writer
POSITIVE TRAITS: Brave, smart, witty
NEGATIVE TRAITS: Cynical, controling, disloyal
• Born in Seoul-Korea
• Both of his parents are Korean
• Sung’s family moved out in New Jersey when he was only 8 years old, because of his father’s job. He don’t have any friends there and everybody in his school was mean and cruel to him because he was chubby.
• One day in the schoolyard he was sitting alone eating his lunch when the bullies from his class come. They was mocking him with stupid mean phrases. One of the boys thrown the trash can on his head. Everybody laughed at him. The only one who didn’t-was the girl from the other class-Kim Sunhee his all time crush and her big brother Kim Jiyoung who was 2 years older than them and trained boxing.
• After the accident he became closer to the siblings. Kim Jiyoung became his best friend and the only one who he trusted, which made harder for him to confess his feeling to Sunhee. So he kept his feelings to himself. With each day she stayed more and more beautiful and а lot of boys flirted with her. She didn’t seem interested in them but that didn’t made him calm either. What was the chance a girl like her to like the chubby wallflower kid. On the other hand he didn’t had the chance to try and ask her out because of Jiyoung-who was overprottecting her. Sung didn’t want to loose his only friend and if she eventually  rejected him he is going to loose both.
• These five past years he started to idolise her -she was his ideal type. He didn’t imagine himself with other beside her. They were together all day- he was teaching hee tricks with cards and she sang him songs with hee beautiful voice. When John- one of the moat popular boys in schooll started to took interest in her his suffering these past year made him complex, anxious and angry, because this guy actually had chance eith hee because he played on a guitar in trashy band.
• One day Jiyoung asked him what’s wrong with him. Sung told him that he likes one girl very much but he can’t be with her. Jiyoung then told him if he can’t be with her then he need to move on because, they are too young for serious comitment. But  he was already built this perfect image of Sunhee and can’t think of anything else. He decided to try his shot and ask her to go with him on the spring ball. He waited the class to end and go to her classroom when he find this stypid boy John kissing her. Then he immediately run away in tears. On the next day in the morning he sat alone in the schoolyard when Sunhee and Jiyoung come to see what he was doing. Sunhee asked with who he is going to go on the ball. In anger he started shouting at her and called her stupid girl with ugly face and clothes. Sunhee started to cry, which broke his heart and Jiyoung in anger hit him in the face and they started fighting. Of course Jiyoung trained boxing so he beat him up. When he go home his mother with a big smile asked him from the kitchen did Sunhee said yes. When she saw his swollen face with dryed blood her smile dropped and asked him what’s going on. He started shouting cynic word again and locked in his room and crying for hours.
• The days past and he was so alone. The bulliing was worse than ever and his heart hurted everytime he saw Jiyoung and Sunhee with that jerk. But that was for the best. On the ball day he stayed at his home listening sad song.
•On the last day in school Sunhee comes closer to him and he started shouting cynic word again wanting her away from him. She just passed him a letter and said goodbye to him. He opened the letter in his room and started reading. In the letter she was describing how good was the time they were together and how much she liked his chubby cheecks, his beautiful eyes and his witty sense of humour. That she waited him to asked her out but he never did. A little bit before the ball John started kissing her and asking her to go out. She refused because of her feelings toward Sung, so decided to ask her brother permission to go out with Sung. Jiyoung was so happy because he knows how much he liked his sister. But unfortunately on the other day he started insulting her without any reason. And the last sentence hit him hard-she was saying goodbye to him, because her family was moving to China. Her father received a high salary with a good place for them to live and one of the best school for them to study. So his only love loved him back and he fucked up.
• Realised he really lost her forever he fels deep into depresion. The only way he could see her again was with some illigal substances. Because of them he started to loose weight, then the girls who made fun of him started to noticing him. So he dicided to trained more and more. After a year he had the perfect body and every girl wanted him, but his heart was only for one.
• With his parents money he started buying himself expensive clothes, shoes and watches. He started smoking everyday and surrounded himself with toxic people who only using him. On every party he was with different girl. He never stay with one girl for more than a week. But the only cure for his soul was songwriting. In his songs he pour out all of his pain and desperarion. Then he sold them to local famous singers and that eventually became his occupation. The payment was good because his songs made people famous.
Here I listed some wanted connections, if you’re interested.
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bramble-rose · 5 years ago
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Fruits Basket and ‘problematic topics’
Okay … so this is going to be long and messy and lately I am starting to write some long text-posts about the stuff I like here on tumblr what I maybe shouldn‘t  do … but since no one of my friends really cares for the things I like and since those thoughts kept pounding in my head I thought the best would be to write them down. So… warning… Spoilers for Fruits Basket (Manga, New/old Anime) ahead. And Warning this will contain some sensitive topics as well. And to warn you for the last time: I am no english native speeker. As for that.
So listen ... since one of my favorite animes of all time (Fruits Basket) got it‘s remake I am more than happy to see the new content popping up everywhere. What I don‘t like are some of the interpretations for some story parts.
Furuba isn‘t perfect and has a lot of flaws. The series is about 15 years old right now and things have changed. But what I want to adress is the issue about Furuba containing abusive and pedophile relationships which are romanticized and seen as okay.
I have to say. No. That is not the case and here is why I think this way.
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The characters I want to talk about are mainly Akito and Shigure and Kyoko and Katsuya.
Yes. Furuba contains abusive relationships. But those are part of the story and not absolutly positive.
Looking at Akito and Shigure their relationship is very complicated and part of the discussion I mentioned above. When Shigure was very young he had a dream about Akito. The one person he would love. It was kind of a prophecy. A future vision. He sees the one person he is suppoused to be with. The one and only person for him. The dream was about an adult Akito - who was born 9 month later. So Shigure is about 6 years older as Akito and he clung to this dream and the feelings he conects with this: LOVE.  
Even after the curse is broken he stayed with Akito. That was his main goal in the whole story. He wanted the curse to break to be with Akito. Not with some child. With the future Akito he saw in his dream. The real Akito, not the one obsessed with the curse (and her dead father).
Shigure is depicted as a typical ‚pervy character‘. An anime trope I don‘t really like but it is used often in anime and is for comedy. It seems japanese people tend to find this stuff funny. I don‘t really like this but I never thought anything about this since I have seen this so often. The pervy old men. Well… Shigure is 26. ‚Old‘ is really a relative vague term in this case but stil his character is used for this. Like Ayame and Mine later.
That his and Akitos relationship is kinda problematic for some people lies in the fact that Shigure is older and clung to his dream – while Akito was stil younger than him. That she will always be younger than him and that Shigure never did anything to her or did anything that would sexualize her (until she is over 21!) is never mentioned by anyone.
A lot of people mention the flower flashback where an 16 year old Shigure gave 10 year old Akito a flower, after she asked him, if he would love her. Shigure told her (depending on the translation) that he has and will always love her and that she is everything he cares about. He gave her a platonic kiss on her cheek and smiles at her with affection. Nothing more.
Yes Shigure was stil 6 years older at this time and Akito was about 10. But consider the story and Shigures futuristic prophecy dream … does this makes him a pedophile?
I don‘t think so - because a pedophile is a person who is sexually attracted to young children and minors. Shigure is not sexually attracted to young children even if he is used for this pervert trope. He is not sexually attracted to the 10 year old Akito. In the flower scene all I saw was affection and, yes, love. But platonic love. People need to learn to understand the difference between love and sex. And romantic, sexual and platonic love. Those feelings can develop and change - but you need to read a story in its context.
Is Shigure a pervert. Yes. Does he like to look at highschool girls – for the sake of the comedy, yes. Is he a pedophile. Fuck no.
Is his and Akitos relationship stil problematic? Hell yes. Because they both love each other to the point where they hurt and manipulate each other. This is not romanticized in the stroy. The have romantic moments, yes, but most of the time the relationship between those two is shown to be everything but perfect or healthy. In the end they come together but they have to work on their relationship. That is how I see this two.
Now to Katsuya and Kyoko.
Again people say Katsuya is a pedophile for marrying a (15?) 17 years old girl.
But again, as for Shigure and Akito, their realtionship is not flawless. Katsuya was a student teacher (a trainee teacher) when meeting Kyoko. He did this because his father was a teacher and wanted Katsuya to live up to this. So Katsuya was studying to become a teacher dispite he didn‘t really liked it (and later cancelled his education). When he meet Kyoko he didn‘t start to meet her because she was a young girl or because he was attracted to young girls. As we see in the manga Katsuya was very popular among the highschool girls and some of them had a crush on him. If he truely was a predetor he could have everyone he wanted … but he didn‘t. He found Kyoko intereseting as a person. A young lonly girl with no goals or ambitions. He wanted to help her and fell in love with her. It just happened.
So yes … he is about 8 years older as her. But when he dicided he wanted to marry Kyoko and spend the rest of his life with her, he cancelled his teacher education, went straight up to her parents house and asked her parents for permission to marry their underage daughter! This happend after Kyoko was released from the hospital and her parents wanted to throw her out of the house. Katsuya suddently appeared at the scene and even Kyoko was surprised. That is why I think he decided before he wanted to marry her and that is why he went to her parents home.
Again. A pedophile is a person who is sexually attracted to children. Katsuya married one girl and stayed with her. Had a child with her. Wanted more children with her as they grew older.
Was it good that a lost young girl who never had a real family or someone who cared for her married someone much older and who she was mostly dependend off? Yes. But that‘s all. I see no other problems here. I think the message that was suppoused to be here was: love can hurt but overcomes everything (even age) and can heal everything. Was it executed perfectly. Well … no. Sadly.
Another thing I found really confusing in this context is the topic of age gabs. Especially with american readers. I have read a lot of posts about relationships between minors. For example: He was 17, she was 13/ 14 … 3 year age gap but he is a grown men and a pedophile. Than: 17 year old girl, 20 year old men. 3 years age gab. Now she is a kid, he is a pedophile. And than I read a lot how people are thrown out of their parents homes the second they turn 18 because now they are grown adults. I am a little confused about this double standarts. Of cause the older you get the more you grow as a person and you become an adult sooner or later.  But it is really … strange to me. Where is the line? From what moment on are you a stil a child? A Kid? A teen? A young adult? An aduld? This depends on the situation and circumstances and how people want to interpret this. Because …. regarding to this all vampire stories for example from the last years would be about pedophile vampires. Twilight, Vampire Diaries. Buffy.
So in the end: Fruits Basket has relationships with age gaps. Yes. Some of this relationships contain abusive behaivor. Yes. Are those portrait as absolutly positive and romantic? No. Are there parts of those relationships that are problematic? Yes.
Are there any pedophiles in this series? No. Just no.
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Maybe people, especially younger people, should educate themself and learn what this term really means.  Age gaps =\= pedophilia.
But in the end you will see what you want to see and read what you want to read in a story.
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mal-on-ice · 6 years ago
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Biggest fear?
Honestly? That I’ll get to my ugw and I won’t like what I see. Or that I will never like what I see.
Like despite obviously having an ed, I’m not stupid and I know how it works. All fun and games when you’re trying hard to reach your ugw, your weight goes up, down, all over the place but you stay hopeful you’ll reach your ugw.
But what if you’re still not happy when you do eventually reach it? That magic bubble being what you thought was the perfect weight, bursts. will you gain, maintain, or most likely, this is when your ed moves you to the back and takes the front seat, spiralling down out of control, when you no longer have control over your ed, your ed will control you.
You don’t get to dicide when you have a “treat day” or or eat a bit more or a bit less, since no matter what it is, it’s above 0kcal. You won’t eat anything.
I’m aware of the downward spiral, and honestly, I’m fucking scared.
Stay safe everyone
~🖤🖤🖤~
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akaraene · 7 years ago
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About characters
Okay. I got access to the beta, so now I can fully talk about it.
I already said in the last post that Beemoov's actions against the players are terrible, but I did not say anything about characters. And, seriously, I don't know how much they not love their own children to do with them like that. Before that I did not see that the characters were thrown out so rudely and so stupidly. Like some trash. But let's take a closer look.
Lysander. The creative character who escaped from the countryside for education and for the benefits of civilization was literally merged into what we see now. Now, Lysander is a farmer and obviously he does not see normal education as his ears. So... Beemoov, are you normal or what??? Character was originally written as a creative, poetic and even slightly mysterious person. He's a poet, always losing his damn notebook. Okay, well, now he apparently loses sheeps/goats/cows, because it was not said that at least someone helps him in keeping damn farm. For a second, it's HARD to keep a farm. But he has a new vocation, yes. fucking crazy.
Nathaniel. The second "lucky guy" in my personal hit parade. Why lucky? Well, now Nath, according to others, does not even look like a pale shadow of the past himself. Ambitious and promising Nathaniel, who wanted to go to another city to achieve heights. Beemoov, are you normal or what??? [2] I don't even know how it was possible to merge such a potential. Yes, Nath at the end of the school allowed himself to relax, but he still set himself high goals and was determined to achieve them. But Beemoov wants to see him as a party-goer, who attends the university every five years. And, yes, in fact, he was abandoned by all who could.
Armin. He was luckier than most, because he achieved what he wanted. That is, he got a job in the field that interests him, so I'm kind of even happy for him, even if Candy is no longer involved in his life.
Castiel. Castiel is the second lucky guy who has achieved what he wanted. He created the band and, as far as I understood, regularly toured. Beemoov's Pikachu :^)))
Kentin. Little is known about him, but I seriously hope that he managed to convince his father that he could build his life as he wants. Because despite the positive influence of the military academy, the very time of the academy did not bring him happiness. But I doubt that Beemoov here will act at least with some kind of love for its creation.
And now the most delicious. Main character. I don't know in what century Candy lives, but clearly not in 21. Seriously, as with all the benefits of civilization, it was possible to the fuck connections that she had with all friend and acquaintances. Yes, it was said that they simply forgot to write each other, but... in that case, but was there any friendship at all? What kind of hypocrisy is it? Moreover, even if Candy had relationship with Lysander, she did not even know that his parents died. Even rumors about it did not reach her. Candy generally knows that besides the phone there is the internet, social networks, messengers for every taste and color, and just e-mail???
I do not know what will happen next, but after the beta my desire to play fell below the baseboard. From my point of view, even with the old favorites is was possible to invent an incredible story full of drama and funny moments. But Beemoov dicided otherwise and left only Pikachu (no, I have nothing agaings Castiel, but I'm still amused by this wording).
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miyaa-atsumu · 6 years ago
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Of Brothers, Birthdays and Begginings
‘‘Awww, Osamu, were you worried?’‘ Suna coos, making little baby noises and laughing under his breath.
‘‘What? No. Why would I be? Worried, I mean. I dont worry. It’s not like that.’‘
‘’Sure, ok, you’re not worried. You also don’t play  as a wing spiker here at Inarizaki, you hate eating, especially puddings, and you CERTAINLY don’t have an idiot twin brother who’s been, for whatever reason, avoiding you for the past 3 weeks.’‘
Well, shit. Osamu really hates getting called out like this.
[Or, Atsumu’s been acting weird lately and Osamu wants to know why]
Warning: long fic ahead!
‘’Osamu.Hey, Ooooooossssaaaaaammmmuuuuuuu.Wake up.’’
Startled, Osamu dropsthe ball he was holding, and turns his head to look at Suna, who stares at him with a smug look on his face.
‘’Stop spacing out, man,’’ Suna drawls, ‘’we gotta start the pratice match in like 15 minutes and you still haven’t done any of your stretching exercices.’’
Osamu picks the ball back up, and then sits down next to his teamate.
‘’I wasn’t spacing out.I was, uh.I was meditating’’, he says. Suna shoots him a knowing glance, wiggles his eyebrows and mutters ‘’Sure Jan’’. Osamu turns around as he hears Suna shuffling closer.
‘’You ok, Osamu?’’ he asks, ‘’you look like you got something on your mind.’’
‘’I....’’ he hesitates, because how can he formulate his thoughts without sounding weird? ‘’I guess that I-’’
Before he can finish his sentence, a LOOK OUT OSAMU!!! is heard troughout the gym. He barely has time to duck his head as a volleyball flies right above him, missing his skull by a mere two inches. It rebounds against the wall in a loud thud, and then some really inventive cursing is heard.
Osamu slowly turns his head towards the source of the cursing. He has an inkling of who just failed that serve because those kinds of serves are mostly only done in this team by Alan and Atsumu, and Alan doesn’t curse that much, so it only left his twin.
He was right. He sees Atsumu approaching, and he glares at his brother.
‘‘Watch your aim, dumbass’‘, he hisses at Atsumu. He’s expecting a biting retort in return, something along the lines of well ‘s not my fault your big head’s in the way, ain’t it ‘Samu? Yet Atsumu merely glances at him, scrunches up his face and mutters a barely audible ‘‘whatever’‘ before dragging his feet away to go fill up his water bottle.
Both Osamu and Suna stare at his retreating back, a dumbfounded look on their faces.
‘‘The hell is up with Atsumu?’‘ Suna asks, sending him a pointed look over his shoulder. Before he has a chance to answer, though, another loud noise is heard; Atsumu had just tripped on the spare T-shirt that Alan always left lying around next to the water fountains, resulting in a very unmanly yelp.
Oddly, Suna has not gotten his phone to record Atsumu yet, like he usually does whenever he or any of his teamates fuck up. His collection of embarassing videos and pictures about every single member of the team (exept Kita-san) is impressive, and he wouldn’t miss out on an occasion to make fun of Atsumu of all people. And yet.
‘’My question still stands, you know.’‘
Oh. Right. How should he know what the fuck his brother’s deal is? They may be twins, but he sure as hell can’t read Atsumu’s mind (thank the gods for this, who knows what he’s thinking about on a daily basis?) nor instantly know what he’s feeling.
Rather, he can decipher Atsumu’s moods better than anybody else, but that’s just the result of spending his entire life  with him. Osamu can read him like an open book most of the time, and it’s not like Atsumu is a sublte person anyway. Having the same face also helps recognise certain emotions that he displays sometimes.
But right now, he has no idea. And it kinda bothers him. A lot.
‘‘I don’t know,’‘ Osamu shrugs, ‘‘and anyways ‘Tsumu can take care of himself.’‘  Suna huffs, and both of them go back to their stretching exercises. Atsumu walks past them without even a glance, and goes to pick up a ball.He continues further, to the limits of their gym, and starts to toss the ball up in the air. He stays by himself, each time throwing it a little higher. After a few minutes, he seems to grow tired of it and turns to toss agaist the wall instead.
However, Osamu can clearly see that Atsumu is not in top shape. He messes up on a unusually high number of tosses, and he’s not even doing anything fancy. Not that he’s not allowed to make mistakes, but amateur ones like these?
Atsumu isn’t called <<best high school setter in Japan>> for nothing, and rookie moves like this aren’t his style. Or at leats it hadn’t been his style since they were like, 8 years old or something. It’s not normal.
Osamu feels something poke at his arm.
‘‘You really got no clue what’s gotten him to be so bad today?’‘ Suna quips, and the adds ‘‘you’re aware that if you keep frowning like that, your face is gonna get stuck this way forever.’‘
The wing spiker frowns even more, and then takes a deep breath to relax his face. He hadn’t even noticed that he’d been frowning in the first place.
‘‘That’s not true. Mythbusters debunked that one a long time ago’‘, Osamu argues, ‘‘and about ‘Tsumu, maybe it’s the oysters he ate yesterday that are giving him a bad stomach today.’‘
‘‘So what, all of this ‘cause of a little idigestion? Unlikely’‘, he says. ‘‘Amd if that’s what he has then I guess you’re gonna have it too since you ate the same oysters for lunch today.’‘
‘‘.......Maybe. Not a lot I can do about it now,’‘ Osamu answers carelessly, ‘‘those oysters were delicious either way. If I had to redo it, I would.’‘
Suna chuckles, then turns around to rummage through his bag. He gets his phone out and places it on the ground right next to him, then looks back at Osamu  as if waiting for something.
Osamu squints at Suna’s phone, then back to him.
‘‘What?...Do I got something on my face or?...’‘
‘‘No. I’m keeping my baby here with me jsut in case you start sneezing or some shit like that. Don’t wanna miss it’‘, he says smugly.
Osamu snorts, but says nothing else. Maybe he will indeed get sick in a few days, but he’s certainly not sick Right Now, so he dicides not to care about the way Suna’s greedy little fingers twitch towards his phone whenever he makes a move.
The middle blocker suddently does grab his phone, but he aims it somewhere outside of Osamu’s eyesight  and starts recording. Osamu’s 95% sure, without even looking, that it has to do with Atsumu.
He’s proven right when he hears his twin’s voice, shouting and cursing at someone. He doesn’t want to look, tells himself it’s just ‘Tsumu being stupid like usual, but then he hears Alan’s voice shouting back at his brother. Oh oh. He slowly turns around.
The scene they make is, in retrospective, pretty funny; it looks a little like a weirdly specific renaissance painting, exept the painting is moving a lot and screaming loudly.
Alan is splayed on the ground, with Atsumu on top of him. His legs are bent at really odd angles, one of his feet is stuck in Atsumu’s jersey and his hands are flying uselessly around, pushing hard on Atsumu to try to dislodge him. His brother, on the other hand, is shoving against the ground to try to get up but he keeps getting caught up in Alan’s legs and thus, failing miserably.
Osamu’s first thought is poor Alan-kun, almost getting his spare shirt ripped appart and now getting toppled over by ‘Tsumu....though day. Then he thinks, oh shit, ‘Tsumu.
He makes a motion to get up, but stops halfway in his tracks. Both Atsumu and Alan have managed to get up now, and are argueing loudly. Atsumu seems relatively unscratched, but Osamu still notices that his eyes look a little bit haggard, almost like a wild animal caught in an unespected situation. But in all honesty, his brother is going to have to own it up on this one because there’s no way he’s interfering between him and Alan. He would loose, for one, and it’s technically  not his business.
The wing spiker lets out a little sigh of relief when he sees the approaching form of one Kita Shinsuke, only true voice of reason in the team. Nobody would dare fight in front of Kita; that would be foolish, suicidal and stupid.
He hears a small chuckle next to him, and there Suna is, still recording  his twin and the ace, looking back at him with a knowing smirk that Osamu hates having directed at him.
‘‘Awww Osamu, were you worried?’‘ Suna coos, making little baby noises and laughing under his breath.
‘‘What? No. I wasn’t..Why would I be? Worried, I mean. I don’t worry. It’s not like that’‘. Osamu knows that he probably sounds stupid, stuttering like a 12 year old with a crush, but he can’t find it in himself to care.
It has to be the stress, he thinks, yeah that’s it. He’s has a stressful month, what with all the extra practice to prepare for the winter cup and also the upcoming exams.
Satsified with his explanations, he focuses back on Suna, who stares at him as if to say I cannot believe that you are being this stupid, Miya Osamu.
‘’Sure, ok, you’re not worried. You also don’t play  as a wing spiker here at Inarizaki, you hate eating, especially puddings, and you CERTAINLY don’t have an idiot twin brother who’s been, for whatever reason, avoiding you for the past 3 weeks.’‘ Suna drawls, and shit.
Osamu really hates getting called out like this. Especially by Suna, of all people. But more because  it’s the truth.
Something weird was indeed going on with his brother. Osamu has no idea what, but it’s clear that Atsumu’s not acting the same as usual.
It was nothing big, at first. Atsumu would stay behind after school, insisting that he had some very very important business to take care of. Osamu had shrugged then, answering something along the lines of well, whatever bye, and he had taken off on his own. The first few days, he had enjoyed the peace and quiet of his walk home; usually they always went together, and Atsumu never stopped talking,blabbering away like it was his last day on earth and he needed someone to absolutely hear about his entire life.
But after a week and a half, Osamu began to find the lack of sound suffocating, the scenery boring and dull, and he sometimes turned around to tell something to his twin out of habit, only to find himself staring at the empty road.
They were never apart for long; they lived together, shared the same room, went to the same school, were in the same volleyball club and, even though they fought, argued and complained about it, almost all of their free time was spent together as well. It was hard, suddently not having something that he was used to, so used that he had began to take it for granted.
As time passed, Atsumu kept finding more and more excuses to stay behind, each one more extravagant than the previous one. It went from go ahead, ‘Samu, I gotta few questions to ask the teacher. see ya! to sorry ‘Samu, there’s this old lady who found a cat this morning and she asked me to help her take care of it and stuff. bye!
So everynight, Osamu walked home alone, and it left him with a heavy pressure deep in his chest that he really didn’t like.
Then, Atsumu started to leave for school extra early. Usually, Osamu was the first one awake, the loud blaring noise of the alarm clock ripping him away form his slumber. He had always been a light sleeper, whereas Atsumu slept as heavily as a rock. He would then proceed with his morning routine; taking his shower, getting dressed, packing his bag, all the while Atsumu continued to snore loudly.
He would then climb the ladder leading to the top bunk of their beds, and he would ppoke and shove at his brother until he oppened his eyes, groggily swatting him away and mumbling.
Once, Osamu had wanted to see if Atsumu would even wake up on his own if he  didnt intervienne, so he’d tried it. His twin had ended up being almost 3 hours late to school, and their mom and scolded both of them so bad that he made sure to always wake his brother up afterwards.
But now, when the loud beep beep of the alarm clock resonated through their room, Osamu would find his brother’s bed empty, and Atsumu already halfway out the door, yelling his goodbyes and eating his toasts like a madman. Osamu didn’t know what on earth he could be doing at this hour, considering that the school wasn’t even oppened, and neither was the clubroom.
Now he barely even saw his brother anymore. Only during volleyball practice, since they weren’t in the same class. And Atsumu didn’t look so good, these days. There were dark circles under his eyes, he yawned all the time and slouched like he never had before. He spaced out often and generally looked like a perfect zombie imitation. It espevially showed in his poor performances, like today.
It is kind of ironic, now that Osamu thinks about it. Atsumu had always been the most expressive one between the 2 of them but recently, his deadpan look really made him look like Osamu. One of the first years from the cheer squad actually mistook his twin for him, and in return had gotten a weak glare and a wrong one, scrub directed at him.
All of those signs sent red flags in Osamu’s mind: something is clearly wrong with his brother. The trouble is finding out what.
Osamu blinks, and comes out of his reverie to find Suna still smirking at him,
‘‘Shut up’‘, he mutters, and amn if he could’ve done a lot better on that last retort, but his brain seems to be turning into mush.
‘‘You tried confronting him about it?’‘
‘‘.....Yeah, but he’s never home these days, and when he is he looks like multiple heavy trucs ran him over.’‘
‘‘well,’‘ Suna says while getting up, ‘‘whatever the issue is, you’re gonna have to fix it soon. We have a practice match with Kyuushu High in 2 weeks, and I don’t want our setter looking like a clumsy zombie.’‘
He yawns, blinks slowly, and starts walking away. But after a few feet, Suna stops, and calls out:
‘‘And anyway, isn’t you guys’ birthday next week? Like, Friday or something? Just saying’‘
Right. Their birthday. To be honest, with all of the things that had happened lately, their birthday had kind of slipped his mind. Sure, he remembers, but he still hasn’t bought anything for Atsumu yet.
Osamu sighs, and gets up slowly. Kita is motionning for the team to come forward, and everybody does so without questions or protests. You don’t make Kita-san wait. Ever.
He’ll have to take a nice bath when he arrives home, because he’s sure he’ll be extra sore after this.
Osamu finally arrives home, soaking wet and trembling from the heavy rain that seems to have settled deep in his bones. He says a vague hello to his parents, and then goes straight up to his and Atsumu’s room.
While he changes into dry clothes, Suna’s words keep resonating inside his head. He hadn’t wanted to admit it earlier but the other boy had really struck a cord. Osamu is worried.
Maybe he can talk to Kita about it Monday, he muses. The captain is, after all, Atsumu’s boyfriend so perhaps his brother had told him things that he wouldn’t tell to Osamu. But that would also be weird. They usually tell each other pretty much everything, no matter what, and they don’t really have any sort of privacy either. Sure, they had some secrets, but not for each other.
But honestly, Osamu jsut wants to know what’s been happening for  the last month or so. He doesn’t like not knowing, especially when it comes to Atsumu, so if to have answers he has to go look ridiculous in front of Kita, so be it.
The weekend passes slowly, and monday finally arrives. Osamu spends most of his day searching for Kita. His captain isn’t hard to find, per se, but Osamu needs to choose the perfect moment. He can’t go to him during practice, because he needs to talk to Kita ALONE and there’s no way he’ll ever achieve that with all the gossips in the team. Since they’re not in the same year, they don’t share any classes either.
The other time would be during lunch, but Kita usually spends it with Atsumu himself and, for obvious reasons, he can’t talk to their captain with his brother being there. That  leaves only one option, and it’s to corner Kita after practice on his trip home. It’s a bit creepy, but Osamu has no other choice.
Atsumu is, apparently, studying with Ginjima so Osamu has plenty of time to follow Kita after school. He’s a guy of habit, their captain, so the wing spiker has no difficulty spotting him turning on the same little road behind the school. He waits until they’re really alone, takes a deep breath to steady himself, and opens his mouth.
‘‘Did you need something, Osamu?’‘
Osamu finds himself face to face with Kita, who stares at him with his usual penetrating gaze that makes you feels small. A bit like he was looking through you, directly at your soul.
‘‘Uh....hi, Kita-san.’‘ He stops there, unsure of what to say next. To be frank, Osamu still has a hard time to believe that his brother is dating Kita, of all people. Not that Kita isn’t a good person, on the contrary; he seems too good for Atsumu. The thought of anyone liking his brother in a romantic way is pretty absurd, especially someone as nice, honest, dilligent and helping as Kita Shinsuke.
He can’t even look at Kita for too long sometimes, because before actually dating their captain, Atsumu had had a crush on him since their first year. It was always Kita-san said this and Kita-san did that and did you see how beautiful Kita-san looked today? Osamu has heard enough rants about Kita’s apparently <<sexy eyes, handsome face, perfect hair and nice ass>> to never be able to look at him straight in the eyes again without hearing his brother’s voice as a background description of Kita.
But it turns out that his twin’s feelings had been mutual, since he and Kita had been going steady for almost 7 months now. Osamu remembers his own surprise when Atsumu had come one crying at laughing at the same time, almost hysterical, and announcing that he now had a boyfriend.
Kita seems to be waiting for something, and Osamu remembers the question. He arms himself with courage.
‘‘It’s about ‘Tsumu,’‘ he begins, then stops. Kita nods to encourage him to continue. ‘‘You’re still hanging out with him, right?....’‘
‘‘Yes, Atsumu and I usually spend our lunchtime together. We also go on dates, and see each other during club activities, as I’m sure you know.’‘ He pauses. ‘‘What is this about, Osamu?’‘
He technically does know all of these facts, and he feels a bit stupid for asking like that. Even if his twin didn’t tell him everything these days, he’s pretty sure that he would’ve heard about it if he had broken up with Kita.
Osamu inhales. ‘‘Nothing big, Kita-san, sorry for wasting your time I guess-’‘
‘‘It’s not wasting my time if it’s something that’s bothering you, Osamu’‘, Kita counters, face neutral as always. ‘‘It’s my job as team captain, and especially as your brother’s boyfriend, to make sure that you are feeling optimal. So go ahead and tell me what’s wrong.’‘
‘‘It’s just...I dunno, maybe I’m imagining it, but I got the feeling that ‘Tsumu’s been acting weird lately, doing shit like...like....’‘
‘‘Like avoiding you?’‘
Osamu stares at him, dumbfounded. First Suna, and now Kita too? What the hell, had everybody noticed but had decided to not talk to him about it? Rude.
‘‘Yeah. I thought that aybe he....had told you something,’‘ Osamu drones out, ‘‘something like why the heck he’s doing that and also why he looks like he’s gonna faint if someone breathes too hard on him.’‘
Kita tilts his head to the left, and hums softly.
‘‘Atsumu has indeed mentionned some...things....about your situation,’‘ he says, ‘‘But he has also explicitly asked me to not tell you anything.’‘
Osamu feels his heart clench. He feels sick. So it is about something he did. His shoulders sag, and he heaves a difficult breath. An unpleasant heaviness settles deep in his stomach, and he tries his best to ignore it. He’s not sure what’s worse, not knowing what’s wrong with his brother or knowing wothout question that it’s somehow his fault.
At least Kita doesn’t sugar coat it. That’s one thing he can be sure of: Kita always tells the truth, no matter what.
Osamu straightens his coat, and bows.
‘‘Alright.Thanks anyway, Kita-san. Imma head home now.’‘ he says, and starts to turn back around. A hand on his shoulder makes him stop.
‘‘.....Osamu. Wait.’‘
Kita seems to be hesitating, a very rare occurence when it comes to him. He lets go of Osamu, and takes a step back to stare at him. There is a moment of silence, and then he speaks.
‘‘Look, Atsumu may act weird towards you these days, but I can assure you that it’s nothing bad.’’
‘’So it’s not ‘cause of something I did? Or said?’’ Kita’s eyebrows furrow a little, giving him an unusual expression in between a frown and a disapointed look.
‘’No, nothing of the sort.’’
‘’.......But you can’t tell me what it is.’’
‘’.....No.’’
Osamu sighs. He feels a little less sick, but the pressure is still there.
‘‘Ok then, Kita-san. Thanks again. See you tomorow.’‘
‘‘Yes,’‘ Kita nods approvingly. ‘‘See you tomorow. Don’t be late. Take care of yourself and also, stop worrying.’‘
Osamu bristles indignantly. ‘‘I’m not worrying.’‘
Kita sends him an unimpressed glance. ‘‘You’ll understand soon enough, Osamu. On this note, enjoy your evening.’‘
He walks away on his usual route, leaving Osamu behind him. Osamu wonders how it’s possible to learn so much and yet, so little at the same time form just one conversation. Oh well.
His talk with Kita was yesterday, but Osamu still has another big issue, though: he doesn’t know what to get Atsumu for their birthday, and he only has 2 days left. He rattles his brain, trying to come up with a genius idea or something. he knows his twin by heart, it should be easy and yet, he can’t think of anything right now. Nothing comes to mind.
Maybe he could buy him new shoes? He had noticed that Atsumu’s shoes looked really worn out.
No. Bad idea. They always bought their volleyball gear themselves, and anyway it isn’t even a great present to give to anyone. This year, Osamu plans to outdo himself. He wants to win.
Ever since they were little, it had become kind of a competition (like 95% of the things they do) to see who could  give the other the better gift on their birthday. So far, he and Atsumu had 4 wins each, and Osamu wants to take the lead this time. But to achieve that, he needs a good idea and luck doesn’t seem to be on his side for now.
The wing spiker is sitting at his desk, staring at the wall and frowning like it had personally offended him. Usually, he chooses something out of the numerous ideas that Atsumu gives off-handedly when they talk. But Atsumu’s been avoiding him for almost a month now, so Osamu’s not sure if what his brother wants is still the same.
He sighs. He can’t think of anything, and just sitting there won’t help him. He gets up. srtolls over to their beds, and throws himself on the bottom bunk. Contrary to popular belief whenever anybody found out they shared bunkbeds, <<who gets the top bunk and who gets the bottom bunk>> was not a subject that they had ever fought about. Osamu isn’t a fan of heights, so when Atsumu had called dibs on the top bunk he had let him have with without much protests.
Osamu opens his phone, and begins to scroll down on his news feed. Not a lot is happening right now, though, and the only interesting article he finds is on the apparently special virtues of purple cauliflower. He puts his phone on his pillow, and turns to stare at the wall again. Maybe he could play some videogames to pass time.
A soft ding makes him turn his attention back on his phone. It’s a text from Suna, a link with the caption << thought abt u when i saw this ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)  >> and Osamu opens it wearily, never really knows what to expect when it comes to Suna.
It’s a video of some idol he doesn’t know, dressed in an intense pink monochrome, dancing in front of a badly made green sceen showing the sea, all of it with a peculiar remix playing in the background.
Osamu winces when the girl starts to sing; it’s not that it’s bad, per se, but the levels her voice can reach are way too high for his liking. He goes to close the tab and send Suna a snappy text back, when something catches his eyes.
He actually knows that idol. Atsumu had made him watch one of her videos once, happily comenting on how she was the <<best singer ever>> and <<if more people were like her, the world would be a better place>> and <<if I wasn’t dating Kita-san, she would be a pretty close candidate, just saying>>.
What is her name again. Momoi Sakura Neko Neko-can or something.
He clicks on the link leading to her personal website. Like her, it’s very pink, but the information is surprisingly well put and organised. It says all of her bio, where she’s at now, when her next shows are, all with tons and tons of pictures. And a lot of pink. There’s also a flashing message on the top right corner, which says Get the whole package and complete experience!!! Buy in the next 48 hours and get a ticket for the next show, a VIP session with Sakura Neko-chan, all of her DVDs, CDs + 10 posters!!!! Limited offer!!!!!
Hmm. That could be...interesting. But does Atsumu like her enough to want all of that? Plus, the show is pretty far, so he would have to buy train tickets. Maybe even a night at a hotel, since the show plays in the evening. It would be very expensive. Osamu doesn’t have that kind of money.
Exept that, technically, he does.
Unlike his brother, Osamu has no plans of going pro after high school. Sure, he likes volleyball a lot, but he doesn’t want that as a long term career. He had recently gegan to consider photography as a possible option. Maybe wildlife, nature and things like that. And to show that he was being serious about the possibility of photography, he had started to save money to buy a proffesionnal camera, one of the best ones out there.
Osamu opens another tab, and looks over his bank account. He has just enough money to go buy the camera now, he had only been waiting until the winter break to be able to purchase it in peace. But that money is also just enough to buy the deal.
But it had taken him almost a year to save all of that. He had worked hard, he had earned it....
Oh well, he muses and he clicks on the bright pink BUY NOW!!!!!! , there’s still another year before university. He has plenty of time to save more money then.
One day passes, and he receives nothing in the mail. The website had said 24 to 48 hours, but he was kinda hoping it would be more like 24 rather than 48. Obviously, no such luck. Their birthday falls on friday; he hopes that he’ll have his order before then. Giving a late birthday present to his brother would be kind of embarassing.
Thursday arrives, and Osamu begins to feel nervous.  Still nothing in the mail. The day passes oh-so-slowly, and to be honest he’s only half paying attention to his surroundings. When the bells fianlly rings after hours and hours of pure torture, he’s the first one out he door. They don’t have practice today, so he plans on heading straight home.
‘‘‘Samu! Hey, ‘Samu, wait up!’‘
Startled, Osamu stops in his tracks. He hadn’t heard Atsumu arrive behind him at all. Guess he had been lost really deep in his thoughts.
‘‘What’s up, ‘Tsumu?’‘
His brother looks out of breath, heaving loudly with his hands on his knees. His hair is tousled, his uniform a bit out of place and his bag hangs loosely from his shoulder, half oppened.
‘‘Just wanted to tell ya not to wait for me,’‘ he say way faster than necessary, ‘‘and also tell ‘ma and dad that I won’t be back ‘till, like, 11h00 pm.’‘ Osamu blinks. 11h00 pm, that’s...pretty late.
‘‘Yeah ok ‘Tsumu. Will do.’‘ Atsumu grins, before lightly punching his shoulder.
‘‘Thanks ‘Samu! See ya!!’‘ he shouts, before taking off running in the opposite direction.
Osamu watches him go, a pang of hurt resonating in his chest. Even now, Atsumu is avoiding him. He just hopes that the weird atmosphere and strange aura around them won’t ruin the birthday party that he knows their mom has planned for them tomorow.
When he arrives home, the first thing he does is check if he has any mail. Technically, it’s a good thing that his twin isn’t there with him like he used to before, otherwise it would’ve been a lot harder for him to hide.
Bingo. Osamu sees the big, yellowish enveloppe with the company logo on it, and CONGRATULATIONS!!! written in big, bright pink letters on the back. He puts it in his bag and enters the house.
Supper is pretty quiet, when Atsumu isn’t there. His parents talk softly to each other, conversation shifting from subject to subject in one continuous flow. Usually, he and Atsumu would be arguing  and bantering about all and nothing, but right now Osamu can only stare at his plate. His parents seem to have forgotten that his twin isn’t there with them, so he has no one to talk to. The oppressive feeling starts to come back.
‘’Imma go back to my room, not feeling well. See you tomorow.’‘ His mom and dad exchange a glance, and his mom looks back at him with a worried expression on her face.
‘‘Are you ok, Osamu honey?’‘
He shrugs, picking up his plate and rinsing it before putting it in the dishwasher.
‘‘Yeah, I’ll be fine. Guess I just need more sleep, but don’t worry. I’ll be top shape for tomorow.’‘ he says while offering his parents a small reassuring smile.
They both smile back and nod, telling him goodnight as he climbs the stairs up to his room. Once inside, he shuts the door, opens the bedside lamp and slumps down on his bed. The wing spiker gets the yellow enveloppe out of his bag, and stares at it. He should make a little effort.
Osamu stands up and goes over to his desk, and gets out a smaller enveloppe, kind of textured and whiteish. He puts Atsumu’s gift inside, and then seals it with a volleyball shapped sticker. He looks at the enveloppe, hesitates, then writes TO TSUMU with a purple gel pen on the front. Satisfied, Osamu puts it under his pillow, and lies back on the bed.
For a few minutes, he does nothing but stare at the ceiling. He then huffs, and bends over to pick up one of the discarded game controlers lying on the ground. It’s only 7 pm, so he can’t go to sleep yet, but at the same time he doesn’t feel like doing something productive like homework, so videogames will have to do.
Osamu picks up Minecraft, puts it on, and slouches back. He’ll play maybe until 10h00 pm, it seems like a reasonable hour since he has school tomorow. Atsumu had said he’d only be back around 11h00 pm, so hopefully by then he’ll be sound asleep.
As he chooses the settings, he finds himself humming a song from Momoi Sakura Neko Neko-chan. He freezes momentarily, ands stops.
A loud noise wakes him up from his slumber rather brutally. He squints, trying to identify it without success. He also realises at the same time that he fell asleep while he was playing Minecraft, his controler lying uselessly on his stomach. He grabs it, closes the game and yawns as he gets up to stretch his legs.
Osamu takes a look at his alarm clock. 11h32 pm, it reads. The noise must’ve been Atsumu coming back. His guess is proved accurate when he hears the shower running. He grabs a pajama bottom, and starts to change. He takes the hoodie he was wearing, and hides it in the space between his bed and the wall. It’s one of his favourite hoodies, and he doesn’t want Atsumu to steal it.
He then closes the bedside lamp, snuggles under his blankets and shuts his eyes. He knows that he just slept, but he really doesn’t feel rested. He just hopes that he can easily fall back asleep, and fast.
But not even 10 minutes later, the bedroom door is violently swung open, and Atsumu strolls inside, whistling. He throws his bag on the ground next to Osamu’s and sighs loudly. He then reaches out and grabs one of Osamu’s pajamas and starts changing.
Atsumu forgot to turn off the lights in the hallway, so Osamu gets simmers of light straight into the eyes, so he turns around to face the wall. His brother doesn’t seem to notice, though, as he shuts the door with his foot and climbs the ladder leading to his bed.
Osamu feels the bed shifting as Atsumu tries to get himself comfortable. That operation usually lasts about 5 minutes, and then he will drop dead asleep like a rock until the next morning. Osamu shifts a bit as he waits for his brother to stop moving and shaking the bed along. He should stop in any seconds, now.
But he doesn’t stop. It’s been almost 20 minutes, and Atsumu is STILL turning, groaning and huffing relentlessly. Osamu is This Close to getting up and hitting his twin in the face so he stops moving. It’s annoying. It’s been a terrible month, a terrible day, and Osamu just wants to sleep. Atsumu gives a shove against the wall, and suddently Osamu’s HAD IT.
‘‘‘Tsumu, you absolute shit, if you move one more time I swear-’‘
‘‘Is it 12h00 am yet?’‘
Osamu stops talking, surprised by his brother’s sudden outburst. ‘’....What?’‘
‘‘I said,’‘ Atsumu says in that extra slow and high pitched voice that he knows irritates Osamu to no end, ‘‘is it 12h00 am yet?’‘
Will the knowledge of the time help his brother to stop rolling around so he can finally sleep? He’s willing to try anything at this point, so he glances at his alarm clock.
‘‘.....Yeah. It’s 12h04 am, asshole. Now stop moving and go to sleep, we got school tomorow.’‘
Osamu closes his eyes again, hoping for some peace and quiet when suddently he hears Atsumu climbing down the ladder, and then searching for something inside the bag that he had thrown on the floor earlier.
‘‘....What are you doing, ‘Tsumu?’‘ He sits up to look at his brother, half bent over the bag and his tongue hanging out a bit in concentration. He finally seems to find what he was looking for, and holds it trumphantly in the air.
‘‘TADAAA! Lightning fast, ‘Samu!’‘, he yells, and throws it at him. He barely catches it before it could land in his face, and he’s about to start shouting at his twin until he notices the ugly wrapping around the box.
It’s a gift. Atsumu always uses the same wrapping when he gives gifts, so he knows without a doubt what it is. That explains why he wanted to know the hour.It’s technically their birthday right now. He glances at Atsumu, who steps forward and flops down the corner of Osamu’s bed.
‘‘Well? Ain’t ya gonna open that, ‘Samu?’‘ he says, looking expectantly at him. Osamu stares at his brother for a few seconds, then starts tugging the wrapping agressively. He can see a vague logo, but he can’t  pinpoint exactly what it is.
He stops breathing. He knows that logo. It’s the logo of the company that sells high quality and professionnal cameras. Like the one he wants to buy.
The one who, apparently, he won’t have to buy anymore because he is currently holding it in his hands.
‘‘Well? Waddaya think, uh? Pretty cool, amirite?’‘ Atsumu looks so proud of himself, and Osamu stares at him, speechless. He doesnt’t know what to say.
Also, that camera is extremely expensive. How on earth had Atsumu gotten so much money?
‘‘Did you steal it?’‘ is the first thing that comes out of his mouth.
Atsumu frowns at him, looking so offended that Osamu almost starts to laugh at him, but he doesn’t.
‘‘The hell do ya mean, I stole it? You ass! Ya said that ya wanted that camera so fricking bad you were always whining about it-’‘
That’s not true. He had mentionned it a few times, yes, but there had been no whining involved.
‘‘-so I thought, why not give it to ‘Samu for our birthday? But I looked it up and it was expensive as fuck-’‘
Indeed, the more sophisticated and performant the camera, the higher the price.
‘-so I worked my goddamn ass off every day and night for an entire MONTH so I had enough money to buy it, ya little ungrateful prick-’‘
Oh. OH. Everything falls into  place in Osamu’s mind, and he finally understands. He had been misunderstanding the situation the whole time. Atsumu hadn’t been avoiding him at all.
He looks at his brother, and it feels like a huge boulder has just been lifted off his chest.Atsumu is still ranting, his hands making weird movements as he talks.
Atsumu, who had been sacrificing sleep and practice time to work and get Osamu his camera, even though he gave no shits about photography.
Atsumu, who had been spending less time with his own boyfriend recently, because he was too busy saving the money.
Atsumu, his idiot twin brother who, sometimes, can be surprisingly forward and attentionate. He  feels a pang of fondness go through him, and he smiles imperceptively. It’s still a bit ironic, though, that Atsumu just bought him the camera that Osamu could’ve bought, but had  spend the money on his twin’s birthday present instead.
He grabs the enveloppe from under his pillow, and Atsumu suddently stops talking. He shoves it at his brother, who takes it wordlessly. He sees Atsumu’s eyes gaze over the TO TSUMU written in purple, and quirks an eyebrow at him.
The setter rips the top of the enveloppe open, and tugs the contents out. Osamu sees his eyes widen as he reads over the letters, coupons and instructions for his trip, and he snaps his head back.
‘‘‘Samu! You-’‘ he stops, and his grin is so large now that Osamu fears it’s gonna split his face in half,’‘You bought me tickets to go see Momoi Sakura Neko Neko-chan!!’‘
‘‘Yeah’‘, he says softly while looking at his own birthday present, ‘‘I did.’‘
But he can’t move anymore as Atsumu flings himself in his arms, trapping him in a bone-crushing hug. It only lasts a few seconds, not even enough time for Osamu to reciprocate, before his brother is already standing, gushing about the idol.
Osamu looks at him, and gets him camera out of the box, points it at his twin, who stops moving when he gets a flash in his eyes.
‘‘Ack! The heck was that!!’‘ he screams, rubbing furiously at his eyes.
‘‘I was just testing my camera, damn, stop overeacting’‘, Osamu answers, glancing down at the picture he had taken. It shows Atsumu slightly out of frame and blurry, laughing and carefree, like he hasn’t got a care in the world.
‘‘Well anyways ‘Samu, I think we should go to sleep now, eh?’‘ Osamu looks at his camera mournfully, before putting it safely on the nightstand.
‘‘Yeah, you’re right for once.’‘
He hears Atsumu mutter a ‘‘whaddaya mean, for once?’‘ while climbing the ladder to his bed.
Osamu shuts his eyes again. He can hear Kita’s words again in his mind. You’ll understand soon enough, but I promise it’s nothing bad. Like usual, their captain had been right.
‘‘....Hey, ‘Samu. You think ma’s gonna be mad we gave each other our presents before the party?’‘
Osamu doesn’t answer, but smiles softly.
(Their mom ends up getting really mad. Osamu doesn’t really care, though. He’s just glad to have Atsumu back at his side. When their mom asks if he’s tried his camera yet, he answers no. Atsumu glances knowingly at him as if to say ha, you liar. He still doesn’t delete the picture, though)
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noplannourge · 3 years ago
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Big fucking update time. Don't get your hopes up, I'm still fat. But alot of things happened and I'm thinking about sh rn. The only thing holding me back is that max wants to visit Thursday.. I'll decide after I write this.
So, even though I expected it and can totally understand him, it hurt like a motherfucker. 2 weeks ago, max wrote that a package was on the way, something for Michael, something for me, something for us. I really was excited. When I came home, the package was already there, apparently he didn't got the notification. I thought about opening it without Michael, I'm so glad I didn't. I don't know what I whould have done. When Michael showed up, we opened it. Inside were some sweets and other stuff. There also was a postcard at the bottom. On one side was written: love doesn't have to be perfect, it only has to be real. It filled me with joy, a sentence describing our relationship perfectly. But, surprise motherfucker, on the other side max wrote smt like: 'and it can only be this, when it functions for everybody. I want to thank you both for last few months, but I will end this relationship for now. Bla, Bla, Bla.' Yeah, my ugly crippelt heart broke. I felt everything at once, anger against him, sadness, frustration to, who expected, hatred against myself. I ran to the bathroom. I really wanted to sh, maybe even more. But even though everything inside me screamed to do it, I didn't. Not bc I knew it wouldn't help, thats nonsense, but bc I didn't want Michael to be even angrier than he already was against max.
It was a long night, I took 20 mg benzos and drank a lot of alcohol. At this moment I totally understood him, who would want to be with me. It was just the way how he broke up. I thought I atleast deserved a phone call.
Bc im really tired of writing, I'll make this short.. After Michael left him some mean messages, he dicided he'll drive to us. After arriving 3,5 hours later, we spoke, I can't remember anything, and we're back together. Michael has alot of anger inside him, I'm hurt and my trust is gone, but I'll hide it bc I don't deserve him and he for sure doesn't deserve to be treated like that.
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