#how shall i deal
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Hear me out, I am not saying anything in particular, yet I am saying some matters which I may elaborate upon in times to come.
#however there are matters i wish to say at this moment for instance:#denis mine guy i know you do not wish to adapt children of dune but what if you were to film a prequel#and cast our lad harry as a young leto and while you are at it you might as well get our lass bethany as lady jessica#i have a title for you denis; tis The Red Duke. would be much and more comely#we could behold him reigning with supreme strategy and diplomacy upon caladan commanding fervent loyalty#splattering charisma across the ocean falling head over heals for jess#what splendid exemplar of comeliness wit and heart#'tis excellent depiction of:#doomed by the narrative#i shall ne'er cease my prattling on the matter#the fulminations of viserya#how shall i deal#jacaerys targaryen#baela targaryen#hotd#—motion picture#dune (2021-2024)#leto atreides#lady jessica#< mine precious requireth a tag
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Wailing Coffin Hong Lu and Gregor
#hehehehHEHEHEHEH I LOVE THESE SO MUCH#I was listening to nightcore and everything this was so fun [even the renderhell]. I was so excited I even posted WIPs! TWICE!!#I shall now attempt to justify these. these VERY fun to draw designs.#this abno to me represents the contradiction of facing the things that had happened long in the past - for them it'd be their childhoods#the contradiction stems from how leaving it along may cause it to grow and fester - dragging one into it if they try and ignore it to get o#with their lives[leave it be check fail] whilst confronting it directly may cause it to overflow in a way one cannot deal with [ open coffi#check fail]. these two straddle the line for this. not directly confronting and unpacking their issues#whilst at the same time not entirely ignoring them or trying to bury them#given how for both its rather physical - unignorable. it is something to be lived with even if they simply just want to cry out#and thus the wails increase more and more. even eclipsing in turn the original start of the incident [open check win has the only thing in#the coffin be a small beetle] and all the same leaving it be protects them from opening up those wounds and having to face it all again#'it also seems as if they’re thankful for being left as they are'#...but the honest answer as to why these two is the 'red-jeweled beetle' line. jewel for HL and beetle for Greg.#I also wanted him to have a cool arm.#you can disagree w my abno interpretation btw idm#mallet it bc you uh. hammed things shut w it#things like nails into coffins#but that's all I have to say so normal tag time:#fanart#limbus company#gregor lcb#hong lu lcb#🔮🐞#fan E.G.Os
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Longtime follower and I love seeing your insights, so wondered if you had thoughts or advice on this:
I live alone and I'm not in a relationship, though I do date. I'd say ninety percent of the time I really enjoy my life, seven percent I'm a bit sad or annoyed about not having a partner yet, and three percent I get tossed into the Pit of Despair. That three percent can be tied into hormonal cycles, bad timing, etc - even when I know the cause, it still needs to be lived through. Has that happened with you? If so, how do you manage it? I do okay, but it feels like I could do better.
Ah, but the Pit of Despair and I are best friends now. I've sent pictures from the Pit, all featuring me with an absolutely humorless, rictus grin, which does make me wonder why no one else has noticed yet. I have a timeshare in the Pit of Despair. I spend some time there every six months or so, standing in the middle of my impossibly overgrown, dingy garden, and thinking to myself, how did I get here? how do I get out?
And then, as though endurance isn't enough...then your timeshare in the Pit ends. You emerge in the daylight and immediately forget how grey and hopeless that garden was, the weirdly stained, collapsing furniture in the corner and the crooked yellowing plants and that mean laughter you could sometimes hear over the sounds of waving grass. You think to yourself: that will never happen again! I am free! I am cured!
(This will feel so much worse, the next time you're shoved back into the stupid garden.)
That said, I don't think you're going to like my answer to your next question. This is because I don't like my answer; unfortunately, it remains the only answer I have to this question.
I think having some unsettled sorrow, just a touch of existential despair, is the best we can hope to do in this life.
I think that with both rueful humor and deep, deep disgust, which is typically the combo I bring to musings about being a person. Of course it's a little funny---look at the monkey, it's got anxiety!---and of course it's also frustrating, unspeakable outside of bitter cursing, a problem that will not be fixed because quite frankly it's built too deeply into us to be cut out cleanly and thrown away.
(Look at the fucking monkey, you can tell yourself through gritted teeth, standing in that horrible garden with weeks of dirty dishes in the sink and an inbox of emails and friends blowing up your phone with plans you hate to even think about. It's got anxiety.)
I do not have a cure for this. I manage it with the same sort of humor and ruefulness and bitterness that I mentioned above---I don't beat myself up anymore, when I realize I'm standing in the horrible garden again. I know it too well. Sometimes it has an okay wifi connection? I watch some movies. I get done what I can, and forgive myself the rest. I have been here before; I will get out again. I just need to be patient.
Once I'm out, there will be a whole world, I know there will---full of music I haven't heard before and stories that won't make me cringe and emails I will respond to with ease and conversations where I can be light, amusing even. There is a world beyond the Pit. There is always a world beyond the Pit, I just can't find my way back sometimes.
In the meantime, I take another terrible picture in front of the stained furniture, and caption it "Hello from the Pit!!!" with a bunch of exclamation points to indicate that it's a joke, even though it isn't.
I wait.
#there is no experience of being human without suffering. even the most blessed happy person you know suffers.#so the question becomes: how do you fit suffering inside of you. how do you deal with it.#I sit in a horrible garden and pretend not to listen to the weird disembodied laughter#knowing that this too shall pass.#it will suck in the interim! but it will pass.#sarah gives advice
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granby + iskierka + keynes
#em draws stuff#em is posting about temeraire#temeraire#iskierka#john granby#doctor keynes#<- I do not know if keynes ever gets a first name so This Shall Do for tagging purposes for the present moment#speaking of which. my logic here is that granby is always getting whopped upside the head and stabbed and shot and dropped from high places#and therefore I think he should maybe cultivate his relationship with his crew's surgeon. because he is going to Need to.#keynes now. My Friend Keynes. I reallyreally would like to know More About Him and how exactly someone ends up as an aerial corps SURGEON#what is UP with this man I would like to KNOW about him#I would like to write fic even maybe. Hello Sir. Your Backstory?#designwise he ended up looking like patrick gallagher who you may be aware of for his role as awkward davies masterandcommander#which was not entirely intentional but I did end up leaning into it as I went on with the drawing.#he looks a lot like many people's version of tharkay here... I should make an effort for distinguishing them by drawing More Tharkays.#either way. keynes and gong su my favorite tem characters I don't really see anyone drawing. my underappreciated blorbos...#(this is maybe because I'm only on book 3 but) keynes is certainly on page a deal more than certain fellows I could name#anyWay. we are slowly creeping up to drawing BigLarge Iskierka but not all the way there yet. Stay Tuned.
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I went out (looking fabulous) for lunch with baby belle and the bestie yesterday!
A lovely day!! I also found an old print of a £10 note in the pocket of the red mac I got for £7 from the charity shop! Lucky!!
#I am really paying for it now though 😭 my brain is torturing me and my body is doing worse. Sleep paralysis made a return#Can't speek properly bc pain in throat but also bc words feel distant and confusing#Dealing with the aftermath of doing normal and pleasant things makes me reluctant to repeat the effort#But it really was such a nice day. Beautiful weather. Fabulous company. Even my parents joined us for a while! Lovely food too 😍#I shall take baby belle with me to more pubs and restaurants. We deserve a nice time!!#And i shall make picnics so we can have nice food outside with bib baby rosie as well. I think we shall enjoy that#Regardless of how my brain and body decide to punish me afterwards 😂😂
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Shopping hehehe
#aaaaaaaaaa#art#digital art#obey me#tags?#drawing#obey me shall we date#obey me mc#oc#obey me oc#obey me Lucifer#shopping in the human realm#they got lost at the mall so now he has to Google directions#how does one get lost in a mall?#yes#it’s the mc superpower#satan coffee cup!!!!!#he has coffee shop here now#and#and mc has a Ban 7ds tshirt#because my mc’s name is Urban#ur#ban#get it#hahaha#humor#Lucifer is stressing again tm while mc is just livin la vida loca#the sunglasses were very high fashion too ykyk#50k sunglasses#dollars or 50k for one deal? I guess we’ll never know
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#okay im sorry im salty about that qna that came out for Malevolent season recap#because harlan my dear it does not become you to make your fans seem like idiots#why make your fans feel bad for having what you call 'the wrong interpretation'#i get you're attached to your work and want it to be perceived as youve pictured it#but honey#its out in public now. the public shall do what it pleases with it#dont make them feel bad#this is why i unfollowed him and am no longer in the discord#he is too word of god-y and too smug and condescending about it#negative#sorry followers for this rant. i love Malevolent. but by god if harlan will not eventually learn how to deal with his fandoms the hard way
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hello. it is i, your friendly neighbourhood goblin that pops up every now and then to scream about something new.
i love damien haas.
this has been a psa.
#i just made a very long post about parasocial relationships and saved it in my drafts because i just needed to sort my thoughts out#never meant to publish it and never will#but it was about damien and youtubers and streamers and how they're Different and harder to deal with than like tv stars#i mean well duh but i've not been into that many youtubers like this. there's dan howell and drawfee and geoff castellucci#and none of those was to the level i've had with traditional media celebrities#but anyway i talked about him and i also just needed to scream into the void about how much i love him and how much i relate to him#and how seen he makes me feel#and safe#like i for real wish i could be his friend and tell him how awesome he is (and also like. so fine)#how parasocial of me#but i dealt with that in The Post That Shall Not See The Light Of Day so no tangent on that#also i have realised that nearly every time i've been really ADHD hyperfixated on a real person on here i've also been real limerent#like it's not just a crush it's limerence baby!#and i need to work on the underlying issues there#but that was also addressed in The Post so it's okay#but yeah i was psyched to learn about the concept of limerence#it me! every time!#internal monologue#damien haas
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real talk: lxl should continue to explore romance fantasy concepts in their songs. it’s clearly working for them~
#typical prince aesthetics in romeo/julieta and nonfan… and now historical rofan in meoto…#(and there’s also whatever’s going on in tsuki no hime but that has no mv :( sadge)#sorry guys i still have meoto on the brain pls suffer with me~~~~~~~~~#but mannnnn. i was struck by sudden inspiration for a meoto au a n d#well. ig now i understand why they skipped over the falling in love phase. romance is hardddd#i want to subscribe to the meoto expansion pack p l s i need to know what their deal is~~~~#bc man. how in the world did they go from complete indifference to promising to stay together forever hello#what happened???????? excuse???????????#man. m a n. ok i think im done for the night. i hope#LXL MEOTO CRISIS 2K24#(but if anyone here wants to get into the otome isekai genre in general… i recommend starting off with ✨s u r v i v i n g r o m a n c e✨#(it’s a great story and it’s still modernised enough to ease into the genre. and after that…)#(you can just go for the series with the most interesting premise/prettiest art/both tbh)#(though i personally recommend ✨the perks of being an s class heroine✨ ✨the villainess’s stationery shop✨ for milder content)#(and there’s also some series with both isekai and regression.)#(like they isekai after their 1st life in 20xx-> live out their 2nd life in the fantasy world -> regress to a point in their 2nd life)#(for that type i kinda like ✨i shall master this family✨ though ngl i’m mostly reading it bc i think the aunt is very pretty)#(a nd there’s the occasional modern regression story but that’s pretty soap drama-esque and the one i read got ridiculous at times lmao)#(but ofc the ones with less romance focus are fun too~~~~ like stories with multiple isekai-ed people for one)#(b u t i digress i think i’ll stop here before i lose the plot any longer ahaha~~~~)
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I really cannot express with sufficient fervor how much and more I believe, had Jacaerys lived, he would have basically become Leto Atreides. And I do not mean the visage, but it serves just as well.
'Doomed' spelled on their beauteous cheekbones.
#what pity villeneuve will not be adapting children of dune i would fain seeing collett as leto ii if merely to satisfy mine wicked fantasies#what splendid exemplar of comeliness wit and heart#'tis excellent depiction of:#doomed by the narrative#i shall ne'er cease my prattling on the matter#the fulminations of viserya#how shall i deal#what beauteous soldier poet princeling#jacaerys targaryen#leto atreides#< mine precious requireth a tag#hotd spoilers#—motion picture#dune (2021-2024)
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i fear i am endlessly predictable (writing new dps au which is once again fantasy with Arthurian elements)
#it's an au of the dark is rising sequence by susan cooper#(which is to say it's based mostly off of over sea under stone and the dark is rising - with hints of the grey king running through)#and also to say that really i just wanted to write an homage to a very specific genre of british children's fantasy fiction#that i grew up reading voraciously + which shaped my proclivities and tastes for literature extensively. the little white horse au also#matched this but unfortunately that one is creeping towards the unfinished wips every day#not to get into an abundance of tags but this au revolves around: todd + charlie + meeks as kids and friends on holiday together#and going on a quest to find the grail. which gets sidetracked by keating (charlie's mysterious magical great-uncle) and also#todd gaining supernatural abilities far beyond those a thirteen-year-old boy can reckon with. rip. you know how it is#i think i was just really interested in the way cooper writes will stanton he has such a brilliant. canniness to him#which i suppose is the point after he becomes an old one. anyway! enough waffling in tags!#tristan writes#dps#dead poets society#dps fandom#dps fanfiction#dead poets society fanfiction#no anderperry because they're all kids so no romantic relationships per se (other than in that teenager way -#and also they have like. the world to save and evil to defeat lol)#but neil is here and supernatural and also fun to write. there's a certain cadence#and i like leaning into a more ominous side of him especially when he's so young in this au it's really funny#strangely ethereal looking thirteen-year-old child tells you in his prepubescent voice that the Dark shall reclaim the Light in a#fierce and savage hunt known to history but the likes of which the huntsman has never seen over rushing water.#and you just kind of have to sit there and deal with that#SORRY THESE TAGS GOT VERY LONG I REALLY LIKE THIS AU
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FCG asking “how could you hurt Fearne like that” in the most betrayed, scandalized manner as if Fearne didn’t just physically assault Ashton twice and try to break the one possession that they’ve kept on them throughout the campaign.
#I was never a shipper for the ship that shall not be put in the tags due to politeness#but this has landed me firmly anti because of that’s how she’s dealing with guilt/anger then she can’t be in a relationship#Ashton greymoore#cr
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Alright uninformed rant time. It kind of bugs me that, when studying the Middle Ages, specifically in western Europe, it doesn’t seem to be a pre-requisite that you have to take some kind of “Basics of Mediaeval Catholic Doctrine in Everyday Practise” class.
Obviously you can’t cover everything- we don’t necessarily need to understand the ins and outs of obscure theological arguments (just as your average mediaeval churchgoer probably didn’t need to), or the inner workings of the Great Schism(s), nor how apparently simple theological disputes could be influenced by political and social factors, and of course the Official Line From The Vatican has changed over the centuries (which is why I’ve seen even modern Catholics getting mixed up about something that happened eight centuries ago). And naturally there are going to be misconceptions no matter how much you try to clarify things for people, and regional/class/temporal variations on how people’s actual everyday beliefs were influenced by the church’s rules.
But it would help if historians studying the Middle Ages, especially western Christendom, were all given a broadly similar training in a) what the official doctrine was at various points on certain important issues and b) how this might translate to what the average layman believed. Because it feels like you’re supposed to pick that up as you go along and even where there are books on the subject they’re not always entirely reliable either (for example, people citing books about how things worked specifically in England to apply to the whole of Europe) and you can’t ask a book a question if you’re confused about any particular point.
I mean I don’t expect to be spoonfed but somehow I don’t think that I’m supposed to accumulate a half-assed religious education from, say, a 15th century nobleman who was probably more interested in translating chivalric romances and rebelling against the Crown than religion; an angry 16th century Protestant; a 12th century nun from some forgotten valley in the Alps; some footnotes spread out over half a dozen modern political histories of Scotland; and an episode of ‘In Our Time’ from 2009.
But equally if you’re not a specialist in church history or theology, I’m not sure that it’s necessary to probe the murky depths of every minor theological point ever, and once you’ve started where does it end?
Anyway this entirely uninformed rant brought to you by my encounter with a sixteenth century bishop who was supposedly writing a completely orthodox book to re-evangelise his flock and tempt them away from Protestantism, but who described the baptismal rite in a way that sounds decidedly sketchy, if not heretical. And rather than being able to engage with the text properly and get what I needed from it, I was instead left sitting there like:
And frankly I didn’t have the time to go down the rabbit hole that would inevitably open up if I tried to find out
#This is a problem which is magnified in Britain I think as we also have to deal with the Hangover from Protestantism#As seen even in some folk who were raised Catholic but still imbibed certain ideas about the Middle Ages from culturally Protestant schools#And it isn't helped when we're hit with all these popular history tv documentaries#If I have to see one more person whose speciality is writing sensational paperbacks about Henry VIII's court#Being asked to explain for the British public What The Pope Thought I shall scream#Which is not even getting into some of England's super special common law get out clauses#Though having recently listened to some stuff in French I'm beginning to think misconceptions are not limited to Great Britain#Anyway I did take some realy interesting classes at uni on things like marriage and religious orders and so on#But it was definitely patchy and I definitely do not have a good handle on how it all basically hung together#As evidenced by the fact that I've probably made a tonne of mistakes in this post#Books aren't entirely helpful though because you can't ask them questions and sometimes the author is just plain wrong#I mean I will take book recommendations but they are not entirely helpful; and we also haven't all read the same stuff#So one person's idea of what the basics of being baptised involved are going to radically differ from another's based on what they read#Which if you are primarily a political historian interested in the Hundred Years' War doesn't seem important eonugh to quibble over#But it would help if everyone was given some kind of similar introductory training and then they could probe further if needed/wanted#So that one historian's elementary mistake about baptism doesn't affect generations of specialists in the Hundred Years' War#Because they have enough basic knowledge to know that they can just discount that tiny irrelevant bit#This is why seminars are important folks you get to ASK QUESTIONS AND FIGURE OUT BITS YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND#And as I say there is a bit of a habit in this country of producing books about say religion in mediaeval England#And then you're expected to work out for yourself which bits you can extrapolate and assume were true outwith England#Or France or Scotland or wherever it may be though the English and the French are particularly bad for assuming#that whatever was true for them was obviously true for everyone else so why should they specify that they're only talking about France#Alright rant over#Beginning to come to the conclusion that nobody knows how Christianity works but would like certain historians to stop pretending they do#Edit: I sort of made up the examples of the historical people who gave me my religious education above#But I'm now enamoured with the idea of who actually did give me my weird ideas about mediaeval Catholicism#Who were my historical godparents so to speak#Do I have an idea of mediaeval religion that was jointly shaped by some professor from the 1970s and a 6th century saint?#Does Cardinal Campeggio know he's responsible for some much later human being's catechism?#Fake examples again but I'm going to be thinking about that today
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- TO DO LIST -
Analysis of the queer coding of Eddie and Richie across all IT canon material (1986 novel, 1990 miniseries, and 2017 & 2019 films + possibly The World of IT, Official Character Spotify Playlists, and 11/22/63)
Analysis about my interpretation of the Losers Club fears in the 1986 IT novel and the changes made in the 2017 & 2019 films
General character analysis of each Losers Club member
Time-accurate music playlists for each Losers Club member for my IT AU called Ouroboros
Analysis of the queer coding in the Quarry Scene
#to do list#ignore this i'm just reminding myself of the things i want to do#plus i needed to express my desire to do this because i'm dying with how much i wanna talk about the characters#like can we talk about how bill deals with georgie's death and his parents neglect by being an adrenaline junkie#he almost kills himself on his bike repeatedly because it gets his mind off georgie#or how richie is actually a really intelligent and logical character#or the fact that i interpret the mummy as representing ben's issues with body image#i shall resist though because i want to save my thoughts for when i can write a proper analysis for each
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BACKGROUNDS ARE A LIE CREATED BY THE GOVERNMENT
Also I feel like Levi would mainly cosplay female characters.
I also have a whole study relating to his relationship to his relationship with cosplay but you know what that's a post for another day, I’m tired.
#OBEY ME#Obey Me Levi#obey me mc#obey me shall we date#omswd oc#omswd fanart#omswd#omswd au#obey me teen mc#teen mc#obey me leviathan#anyway so you ever think about how its literally impossible to relate to the teenage angst songs that are about not fitting becuase your chu#bby while i spent the entirty of my highschool career dealing with stress induced migrians survivors guilt and possibly undiganoised autism#its just weird hearing someone sing about not fitting with the cool kids cause their body isent the right shape when i had to be excused#from almost all school events simply cause it made me feel like a bat was being swung against my head
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Fitz' loved ones going "is anyone going to inflict unimaginable trauma on that boy??" and not waiting for an answer
#alternative caption 'scenes that make my blood boil'#we just brought back this teen from death and he's obviously scarred let's hurt him more for funsies#Fitz has 0 male role models that don't fuck him over bc of their own issues - Patience please come back i miss you#chade 'if i was used for decades and took it happily you should too' fallstar#i won't even touch burrich's deal bc he's happy that fitz is alive but still resents him for calling out his flaws#verity 'i gave mind and body for this kingdom why shouldn't you too? farseer#the fact that hipersexuality as a sa trauma response was explained chapters before and Fitz accepted being with Starling bc he felt forged#it's so clear that before that fitz copes with complex emotions w/ substance abuse or getting into wacky situations that force his mind to#only focus on the present for survival#but after being sa'd he escapes that particular shade of trauma by being with Starling and going full hermit#i hate you verity#we shall hunt and eat and sleep and you will heal. oh how i love nighteyes#abuse cw#sa cw#rote#assassin's quest
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