#how often buying them is too often
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#not the guy who always (in last month) aproves my energy drinks on self check out recognizing me#and not asking about my id#and always saying 'what's most important is consistency'#hdekdjjdjxjdjd 💀#how many energy drinks is too much#how often buying them is too often#there are like 3 people don't asking about my id in three different shops#and it's not a big city#no! four couning my village shop too 💀#last girl (around my age) was like 'noo don't need id we know each other'#and i was like ????? DO WE?!#alright then i guess#🤣#energy drinks adventures#at this point black should just send me a cartoon as a thank you onec a year at lest 🤣
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On average, what is the total MONTHLY amount that you spend on dining out*?
*(This doesn't only count going out to restaurants, but also stuff like picking up fast food to bring home, getting a coffee on the way to work, getting a premade sandwich from a grocery store deli during lunch, buying a quick snack from a convenience store or food cart whilst walking somewhere, ordering a pizza or any other food to be delivered to your home, etc.)
*(If you often dine out in groups/as a household: calculate and divide the costs so that you get a Per Person average. This is for YOU individually, NOT the total household/group costs)
(I'm sure polls similar to this have been made before (very common topic), I just haven't personally seen one that I can remember, so, I was curious to do my own! I was discussing this with a group of people today and it was very interesting to see how widely the number varied between individuals. :0c )
(Reblog for bigger sample size if you can, and feel free to explain your answer in tags if there's anything extra to add!)
#polls#tumblr polls#I'm mostly in the 0/1 - 25$ category. Maybe the rare month is a bit over $25 if there's something specific going on like birthday.#Which I'm NEVER eating in an actual restaurant (erm... covid... plus I just hate restaurant environments. i would rather pickup#the food and bring it home to a peaceful quiet environment that I control lol). But more typically like stopping by a grocery store deli#section or something. I don't have coffee that much. And I can't eat fast food much due to my health issues/diet restriction stuff#so if I'm out like coming back from an appointment and I start feeling really sick and weak. I know that a hamburger will just#blow up my system and cause nausea or something. So I try to pick the breadiest most#neutral looking turkey sandwich at the safeway deli to eat during the hour ride home or whatever lol#I actually kind of wish I could do stuff like get food more often vecause it would take the burden of cooking everything off of me#but.. alas... Money... and Health Things... T o T#I still wouldn't do it ALL the time but like... once a week instead of once a month or something.. or maybe turning into a coffee#person.. I do love drinks A LOT .. i am a drink person who will have 5 different drinks sipping on at all times#But i just have to make them all myself mostly lol#And I cant really have too much coffee since it will make me sick. so like.. teas and juice mostly#When I inevitably become a millionaire by never using social media never networking and only finishing one#sculpture every 5 months which I dont even post about or sell - then I shall... get more drinks..#I will somehow wean my body onto coffee and drink one a day solely for the ritual of it#Though even then... I would still probably just like.. buy the mateirals to make it at home or something#Like if you had a million dollars you could just buy a kitchen grade ice cream machine and other stuff to make your own milkshakes and#coffees and smoothies and bubble teas. Genuinely I think even if I were a BILLIONAIRE I would still look at playing likr $8 for a single#coffee and go .. uh.... I could just buy the equipment to make this and then save that money. PLUS. its in my house now so no need to#have to leave. I can make my own drinks in the comfort of home. .. ideal..#Like no matter how rich I ever got I would still have the lingering scroogey stinginess. like i am NOT paying for that. I will jus#make it myself. Especially if it was an Everyday thing. Anythign thats part of my routine I try to optimize and make as efficient as#possible... ANYWAY.. In an IDEAL world I would get treats. but probably not that much. as on a daily basis it would start to get#to me and I would just save up to buy kitchen machinery if I was rich lol
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Paul George on Stephen A. Smith’s Kawhi Leonard jab: “I didn’t like that moment… Kawhi wants to play… We exhausted a lot out of Kawhi this season. So at some point your body breaks you down… I didn’t appreciate that moment. I know I laughed because the situation was lighthearted, but deep down it was like you gotta let that go, Stephen A.”
Paul George, knight in shining armor
#HE DOES . u know. defend his girlbosses#as a good malewife husband soes#but like... he'll defend them.. five days after the fact#like hes just zoned out during the actual time of necessary defense#thinking about what new gaming chair to buy for himself whilst squinting harshly#i think tauruses and caps get shoehorned into being hashtag Daddies hashtag when it comes to personalities#like yes theyre grounded but that also means they like to duck into their little safety hovels sometimes#if a taurus is in an uncomfortable place/position.. they will often just smile& think abt how much they miss their regular place of comfort#until the moment passes#'oh but theyre so stubborn and loyal! theyll stand up for anyone! all the time!' stubbornness can ironically flucuate#theyre still showing stubbornness! just to the fact that they wanna go home. and they need this moment to pass#and if they bring something up rn.. it will not pass rn#this kind of thinking does not always bode well with fire signs#as much as i love to bully paul .. seeing others do it just isnt the same.. it does not come from a place of love in the end !!#'hes always been a coward-- too afraid to step up and be the bad guy. do the dirty work' no girl hes just a bit stupid#hes literally excitedly told reporters that hes soooo hyped up to try and be the rebound passer guy today#and then one game later hes like 'yea i kinda did too much.. that was.. not good 😔'#like he is doing the best in his mind! his doing bad is not out of bad intent! it's good intent and he is just failing miserably at it#LEAVE MY CRINGEFAIL MALEWIFE ALONE ‼️‼️‼️#MY CANCELLED GIRLFAILURE !!#he just wants to be a trophy husband to a terrifying strange and unusual mystery of a man like isnt that why we wrote dracula#is this not why creepypasta self insert y/n imagines exist on wattpad ?#paul george is just a y/n living in a spiteful world#LMFAOOO#hes so stupid i want to kill him but no one else can kill him but me ok#pg13 years old
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really wish my one friend would quit flirting with me. and trying to goad me into hanging out more. and assigning us fictional characters that are oh-so-coincidently either couples or with romantic tension. and then interrupting our gameplay to ask me repeatedly if I think they’re “like us” (which they rarely are…). and matching my icon on discord without asking (again, usually by insinuating a couple connection). and giving me random things I do not want and did not ask to receive (and then forcing me to take them???).
#storyrambles#it’s not creepy. just for context. it’s just irritating because I’ve told this person repeatedly that I’m not interested in romance.#this person is also naturally a huge romantic so it is next to impossible to tell whether it’s actual flirtation or just flirting for fun#flirting for fun is cool. I wouldn’t mind that. but if I do it once this person will take that as an invitation to do it an excessive amoun#but yeah after being given 12 roses out of the blue when I said ‘no don’t buy me flowers’. there’s only so many things that can mean#‘it’s nice to see your face you always cover it!’ …I’m masking. because of covid#I’m narrating a game and suddenly ‘I like hearing your voice I should call you every day so I can hear it for 10 minutes’. …no.#‘you have to take the snack I brought you know it’s rude to refuse a gift’ I have never refused a gift. It is rude. But also I didn’t ask.#‘you know this game is one you can play without talking so we can play more often!’ we already play games once a week for usually 3 hours.#‘but it’s not talking so it’s less social energy’ no. that is not how it works.#sorry for the rant im just. tired.#you know those people who are so pleasant to hang out with and then they try way too hard#and that’s actually what makes things awkward? rather than when they’re just being themselves?#yeah. that’s this friend here.#usually I go along with the bit but when I can never tell when the bit is actually a bit#and you insist on me taking on the ‘girl role’ for most of them#I am not going to play along.#UGH don’t get me started on the ‘you’re cute when you’re flustered’#I wasn’t even flustered. I was trying to do mental math while running on four hours of sleep and he was staring directly at me#it’s uncomfortable.#also. I never want to hear that again. fuck. ‘you’re cute when you’re angry’ ‘you’re cute when you’re upset’ ALL THE FUCKING TIME AS A KID#will I be so cute after I kick you in the nuts? will I?#(for clarity I don’t want to kick him. I want to kick those other people.)#I need a lot of alone time. I really do. I can do 3 hours and then I will be drained for the rest of the day.#‘how did you grow up? did you not talk to your mom for more than 3 hours a day?’#first of all. that’s different?#secondly we actually regularly do separate things without talking to each other. or go in separate rooms to take some time to ourselves#also I don’t have to be on high alert for if I’m going to be flirted with. so.#ugh. I like him as a friend. I really do. I know this all makes it seem like the opposite. I try so hard to be as nice as possible.#but UGHHHHHH
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#okay random story time i don't know why im narrating this or how i even stumbled upon this memory rn#but i generally do sad vents in the tags and for a change this is a funny one#so back in highschool (i say highschool but i mean junior college) i used to visit this park near my house a lot#i was an sg kid back then and the thing about parks there is that they're kinda beach-parks and they have the best cycling/running tracks#they're also really massive parks so i used to go often. sometimes bicycling. other times walking. yeah. the park was like my sanctuary#anyway. there are quite a few bike rental areas in the park and there was a cute lil shop next to this one particular rental place#and they sold like biscuits and water and icecreams and stuff and i went there a lot#and on one particular day i went there and there was this guy around my age part timing at that shop#now again this might be culture specific bc i dont see it in india but part timing in uni/pre-uni is pretty common is sg#a lot of shops and restaurants employ teenagers to twenty something ppl for part time jobs... anyway im just adding context#point is that i had walked to the park with my mum that day and she told me to go buy a couple icecreams so i went to the shop#and i saw this guy around my age and like. not to be a simp but this dude was so pretty?#like he saw someone had come to the counter so he looked up and shot a smile and i thought i got slapped by sunlight#i could spend the next several lines going on about his pretty tan skin and his glowing raven eyes but this is pathetic enough so ill stop#anyway he saw me and smiled really wide (customer service smile- i thought to myself) and i smiled back and asked for icecreams or whatever#and then this guy started getting chatty right. so he was all 'you come here (to the park) often right? ive seen you with your bike a lot'#see now. the problem with me is that i always think im bothering people. this poor dude was attempting to make conversation#and i was replying with one word answers#and i wasn't even realizing that he didnt want that. bc he kept asking more questions and i. kept. shutting them down.#then when he gave me the icecream he was all 'are you here alone? icecream alone is no fun... i could keep you company if you want..?'#which. he was being really cute about right. but because im so fucking dense i was all 'oh no i came with my mom actually'#and he went 'aw man' in this really cute but faux sad way which i didnt understand at the time and i left and then#after three full fucking days. i realized this man was tryna hit on me?#and then i went to the park like a week later and he was gone. poof. i even thought of asking the uncle in charge of that place#then i got too embarrassed and chickened out#yeah so turns out my neurodivergence neutralizes any sort of rizz that comes my way#i could've been chilling with a cute boyf rn but no😩 this is my destiny#megumi in the tags
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doodles and some lore. I'm tired.
#Jay does this thing on second dates where he tests the other person#he wants to make sure they'd like all of him. every part of him that may throw others off or realize he's insane#Matt and Jay were friends during high school. dated in college and broke up just before finding out Jay was pregnant#they decided to co-parent Mona and just view one another as friends#Mona really likes Don and Tk. loves Peter. though dislikes Lucy quite a bit because of how much she hears Jay complain about her with Matt#Mona is very close with Jay despite living with Matt and only coming over to Jay during the holidays/some weekends#Jay moved into the complex about a year prior to meeting Peter. he's had 5 roommates since moving in#Lucy has been the worst compared to the rest but is the only one Jay tolerates (since she's young and reminds him of himself. pretransition#Jay and Don hated each other in the beginning. only really bonded over talking shit about a neighbor#and Jay saying “anyway I gotta finish watching the game.” Don saying how he wanted to too but his tv is fucked so they watch together#Tk does have feelings for Jay but Jay just can't take the hint. he simply just thinks he's making jokes and is very kind#Jay really cares about Lucy. he often checks up on her when she's out and buys her dinner if he didn't make anything for them#and she ofc tries to make his life easier by cleaning the apartment making him coffee in the mornings etc etc#also Jay and Don sometimes just talk about marriage. how both of theirs didn't work out (I headcanon that for Don)#how it'd go - Don: I just wish I showed her how much I cared... Jay: I chased mine down with a knife. didn't kill her though. I promise.#Jay also calls Don's kid (the cop) Don Jr. he doesn't mind it that much. it's mainly cause Jay never remembers his name#my art#yb peter#Yb don#Void#Jay#Yb tk#Yb lucy#none of them die btw. Peter kills some guy who treated Jay poorly#the entirety of Jay and Peter's relationship before the abduction takes place over June#I say so cause it was a bit alarming to Tk. Don and Matt how fast Jay was rushing into the relationship and such#anyway uhh idk what else to say
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By the way. Buying jeans in stores is impossible if you are shorter than average and they are gonna drag behind you like a veil. Have fun tripping on them (It's me. I am short)
#brought to you by me buying jeans today#they are said to be ankle length#spoiler: NOT ON ME#they go midway to my heel#if i tuck them in slightly they are great#but the point is#i am 158/159 cm#in feet i think that's either 5'2 or 5'3#THERE ARE PLENTY PEOPLE SHORTER THAN ME#if i can't buy jeans because they are long enough to cover my entire foot and a few cm of floor as well#what the fuck are people even shorter than me buying#a year ago i bought these loose summer pants that were said to be in length somewhere under the knee#THEY GO TO MY ANKLES (they are great pants btw. the only pair of loose pants i own because all the other ones in stores are too f long)#i know getting clothes tailored is an option#but i am really not gonna do that with everything i am buying?#especially jeans#since i never know how long they are gonna last#my thighs are thicker and touch each other so they have a tendency to tear in between my legs#sometimes they last years (current record 5 years)#and sometimes they last 3 months#i never know until i wear them more often#and i am not gonna get my clothes tailored every 3 months#i am on the skinny side so idk what the plus-size clothes situation is like but according to all evidence: absolutely horrible#anyway#brought to you by me bcs i dont shop online often and prefer stores so i can try things on first without having to return them after buying#also reminder that i DID buy nice jeans today. its just that i hardly ever find some#ohv and obv tall people also have it bad™ i am sorry for your naked ankles in winter weather#ema rambles#possibly to delete
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I can't tell if jamarr exaggerates his stories to an extreme amount or if joe justhas to constantly tell him to chill haha. but based on tee confirming that jamarr does buy joe clothes ocassionally and he did buy him a chain - im going to say joe just likes privacy lol
ALWAYS THRILLED TO BE ASKED ABOUT UNRELIABLE NARRATOR JA’MARR!!!
more under the cut because literally i could talk about this all day and i don’t need to subject anyone to that.
Honestly I think it’s a combination of both? Ja’Marr exaggerates, says one thing then immediately another contradicting thing, doesn’t seem to have much of a filter, however you want to categorize it. Which I think is such a funny contrast to Joe - who is (almost) always very careful about how he expresses himself and how he wants to be portrayed.
The “Ja’Marr Buys Joe Clothes Except No He Doesn’t Except Wait He Definitely Does” saga is probably my favorite thing in the world because what on earth is ANYONE talking about in this situation. Like, first Ja’Marr claims in the GQ interview:
"Joe literally won’t buy his own clothes. He always asks me to shop for him and drop it off at the house.”
Which is almost definitely an exaggeration. I am sure Joe buys plenty of his own clothes (although loving the idea of Ja’Marr literally filling Joe’s closet with things he thinks he’ll like).
And then, bringing it up completely unprompted in an interview a week later he says that actually that was “kinda” a lie, and that he hasn’t bought Joe anything but dinner - although now he’ll “have to [buy joe clothes] since that’s out now”. like ?????? First of all just because you “kinda lied” about buying Joe clothes does not mean that you now have to actually buy him clothes? And why did you lie about it in the first place? How badly do you want to buy this man clothes??? 🤨🤨🤨
So we spent the rest of the season completely confused about this story but just kind of accepting that Ja’Marr just says shit sometimes, who knows… and THEN in a groundbreaking (to me) interview with Tee, we learn that actually Ja’Marr has in fact bought Joe clothes:
“Chase definitely gets Joe right. I’ve seen him buy clothes for Joe multiple times.”
MULTIPLE TIMES??? and Tee has seen it for himself?? Which at this point means that Ja’Marr has now potentially lied about lying about buying Joe clothes?? For what purpose???
I have imagined and talked with beloved mutuals about what could be going on in this situation, presented here with varying levels of realism and hilarity:
Ja’Marr has never bought Joe clothes and all the receivers are in on a big joke where they’re claiming that Ja’Marr buys Joe clothes just to fuck with him. Because it’s funny and why not.
Ja’Marr hadn’t bought Joe clothes before the interview, but had been planning on doing it and was so excited by the idea that he got ahead of himself and told GQ he was already doing it. And then “since it was out there” he had an excuse to start buying Joe clothes, with Tee as a witness.
Finally back to the point of your ask (so sorry for all my rambling) and probably the most likely scenario - Ja’Marr tends to exaggerate and Joe tends to value his privacy.
What I imagine is this, Ja’Marr has probably bought Joe clothes a few times. We already know that he’s bought him grills and he mentioned in a few interviews last season that he had bought Joe some pants. And probably a few more instances we don’t have details on. The man likes fashion and he likes Joe and it seems like he has a gift giving love language! He probably got excited and exaggerated a bit in the GQ interview because again, I’m sure Joe does not “always” ask Ja’Marr to shop for him lmao. And I wonder if the exaggeration is the part that Joe took exception to (if he even did! Joe’s never said anything about any of this! all we have is Ja’Marr’s word which we can NOT trust) - Joe likely doesn’t want the whole world thinking Ja’Marr buys ALL his clothes, he likes fashion too and I’m sure puts a lot of work into those game day outfits, even if Ja’Marr does help out sometimes. Plus he really doesn’t like sharing details about his relationships, even one as public as his friendship with Ja’Marr. (All he says is that he’s one of his best friends and they hang out all the time, Ja’Marr is the one giving details about UFC moves and going to Vegas together and keeping his stuff at his place etc etc).
Joe likely gave Ja’Marr shit for how he phrased it and honestly sharing it with the world at all. Plus!!! I am always thinking about the timing of the article, coming out right when Joe’s appendix burst. I bet Ja’Marr was worried about his friend, felt bad about sharing some exaggerated details of their relationship, and simply decided to take ALL of it back. Because again, he really seems to only operate in extremes. So to make Joe feel better, instead of just clarifying his quote, he just decided to say ‘nope, sorry, that was a lie, never bought that man clothes in my life 😊' while Tee was probably at his locker listening to the interview like 🤨???
Anyway. that’s WAY TOO MANY words to answer your ask but please know I so appreciated getting it. Any excuse to ramble about these two as you can see!!
#Tldr: yeah ja’marr just says shit!! joe is probably telling him to chill very often!!#it’s a dynamic that somehow works well for them!#god i just want a reporter to ask joe about the clothes situation this season#how has NO ONE brought it up with him yet?#and we should keep asking tee and ja’marr and tb about it too#hell let’s ask zac!#THIS is the important storyline this year#what contracts?? what superbowl window???#WHO is buying WHOM clothes in the locker room?!?!#ask#anon#joe burrow#ja'marr chase#when i was checking the timing of things i didn’t realize that joe’s appendix burst LITERALLY the day the article#(and those pictures 👀) came out#now i’m no doctor but sometimes you just have to repress your reactions to things so hard that your internal organs explode 🙃#(joking)#(mostly 👀)
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5 million male chicks per year are brutally murdered right after birth bc they're "worthless" to the egg industry yet im supposed to believe that humans arent inherently evil lmao shut the fuck up
#5 million only in sweden#imagine the number in the entire world#imagine all the other animals that are being slaughtered#god i wanna throw up humanity is so so so evil#we play god#we think we have the right to first make sure animals get raped (breeding at an unnatural rate is rape)#then have these animals in HORRIBLE 'living' conditions (ppl liken their conditions to actual hell!!)#and not only that the human workers more often than not sadistically torture nd abuse them before slaughtering them#on top of that... humans are so fucking useless they throw away most of meat and animal products#they like buy a package of meat then theyre too braindead to cook w it so it goes bad nd they throw it out#i dont know#all of this is unnatural and unholy. none of this is how its suplosed to be#we didnt get life just to put ourselves on top and then abuse and torture every other living being like this#no humanity is a sickness. humans are a cancer. a parasite. the more i think abt it the more im cemented in that belief#ppl act like 1% of 'goodness' weighs up for the profound harm and cruelty humans have set loose on this earth. thats a fucking joke!#god what the fuck is wrong with humanity. it's like everything went wrong .. well from the start rlly#humans (mostly men if we're being honest. women dont have nor act on such depraved desires) been fucking insane#animals arent cruel or sadistic. they follow their nature. the eating and killing isnt more than that#sure some animals like cats have sadistic behaviors. but that is nowhere near the scale humans act on it#like cats dont lock mice in a facility nd force them to breed nd then torture them in insane amounts nd so on so forth#humans are wrong. im certain that we were never meant to live like this. it's all insanity. the worst part it. 99.99% of ppl are part of it#it's so hard to find anyone who's intelligent enough to comprehend this. theyre all braindead megalomaniac sheep w a superiority complex#i cant connect w anyone bc of it#i just get so disappointed when i realize someone's just as braindead as everyone else nd then i stop caring abt them. everyone r this way.#idk how to live with these humans. theyre all fucking insane
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what the heck, TIL it's wildly affordable to rent out an entire movie theater. seeing prices between $100-500 depending on the size, location, and whether you want to watch a current movie. you can apparently hook up video game systems, too, and have a giant mario party night with your friends or something.
idk why I thought it'd be like $1000 minimum or something... like if you're going with enough people, it could even be cheaper to see a private screening than to all get tickets...
I saw one person say that every year they have a Christmas party with their friends and family and they rent out a theater to watch a Christmas movie. they all bring Christmas snacks and the theater is like $100 total. that's wild to me.
#I tend to see movies on off-times when I can because I hate how often people talk and use cell phones these days#I can't concentrate on anything or hear what the characters are saying when people do that#the idea of being able to rent out an entire theater when you want to see a movie is like...#that's what I would do if I were a billionaire lmao fuck buying twitter or whatever#just sit there in the middle of an empty theater like nicole kidman#I bet then you could have them put on the closed captioning too#The Dream#have a halloween party where I just rent out a theater with all of my friends and force them to watch paranorman#or having a universal monsters movie marathon or something#so freaking fun#I love going to the movies lmao
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advertising this here briefly bc there are several pokemon designs up so! hi i haven't been getting a lot of hours at work lately and im poor, so maybe consider buying some adopts?
they can be found here on my TH!
#dl#my art#youre also welcome to buy them even if you dont have a TH!#i will remove the profiles from th upon purchase if you dont have one!#and yea these are also up for art. i will defs consider those types of offers too#i just also could really use some money to save rn OTL#using my lovely follower count and pokemon fanatic status to maybe get some interest ALSJFJDKSD#if you like my designs consider subscribing to my TH! i post adopts semi frequently based on how often they sell
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I get flooded by old memories every time you create and share a new gifset. I hope you never stop. Got anymore Episode III stuff? Fantastically underrated game and the soundtrack hrrnrngnhhhghhghg
Okie! I'll put some time into C.A.R.D. after I finish Echoes of Wisdom :3
I actually developed a PSO itch from messages, but new LoZ games come first ._.
I can make newer and updated sets, but when it comes to later game stuff that's my S/O streaming and me recording their gameplay. I'm suck at C.A.R.D. beyond an extent, but I've been bugging them to play the other side from time to time still!!
#nothing can pull me from new loz games but I can't put them down until theyre finished so#it should only be like 2-3 more days for me tho.. if that tbh#new phantasy star games come before old zelda games tho too for what its worth they just don't exist often#also s/o's bday is today and I just bought them a bunch of games so it might be a bit for them before they're back at c.a.r.d. :x#how could I not buy them a bunch of games I LOVE them ;~;
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hey does anyone know how we’re supposed to survive it all. asking for a friend
#she speaks#oh gang we’re really in it now#i don’t think i’ve ever felt this bad this deeply in my whole life lol#the burnout just keeps accumulating past any point i thought it could reach#and i can’t even pretend at work anymore#i’m so tired and these kids are so infuriating and it builds and builds every time they do something shitty#and i love them and it’s not their fault they’re just kids and they’re tired and it’s almost summer#but god i can’t fucking do it anymore#how exactly am i supposed to survive the next two weeks#the class i’m taking is too confusing and too fast paced#and i didn’t buy the textbook bc it’s 200 fucking dollars#and our apartment is always a mess#and i can’t keep up with friendships and feel like i’m constantly letting them down#and there’s nothing i can do to fix any of it#until the school year is over#bc at this point it takes everything i have just to get up and go to work in the mornings#but then i still have to somehow find energy to do other stuff too. and like actually teach.#i have to grade and do report cards and return materials and clean up my classroom#i need to complete a checklist the size of a novel before i leave for the summer#i need to keep the kids engaged but none of us want to be here#i need to start organizing to make next year easier#i need to fill out paperwork and spreadsheets and update my password and find time to feed myself and grade more papers and#vacuum the floors and scoop litter and clean up clutter and do dishes and wipe down counters#and i haven’t been able to fucking do any of it in months and left so many chores to my poor partner who’s also going through it#bc i have nothing left and i don’t know what to do!! i want to scream every minute of every day bc i’m so beyond overwhelmed the moment#i wake up in the morning but i don’t have time for a meltdown so i just keep going!!#i wish i had better words to explain how bad it’s gotten but the brain fog has gotten so so bad#i can barely think i can’t make decisions my memory and recall have gotten so much worse#i take my anxiety meds so often that they’ve stopped working#and yet i still worry that i’m making it up and being dramatic. anyway sorry about all this lol
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Ughhhhhhh I hate writing and I hate not writing and I hate myself
#nearly bought a digital typewriter today. actually i DID buy a digital typewriter today. officially yes i have bought a digital typewriter.#the money for the digital typewriter has left my account but i have emailed them to cancel the order because i can't in good faith buy#a digital typewriter when i don't fucking WRITE#i thought it might help me get back into it. distraction free and while allowing me to not judge my own writing#and be continuously editing while i write and going 'i'm crap i'm crap i'm crap no one will ever read this and if they do they will think#that i'm garbage and that i should feel bad etc etc etc'#but it's too expensive and i have the feeling i wouldn't even like or use the thing once i got it#because the IDEAS! the ideas aren't coming to me. or rather they are but none of them seem to stick#i feel underconfident in writing any of them#and then i have old projects that i've always wanted to get back to like the tennis romance thing but SO much has changed since i first#started drafting it. like i don't even know if i like the main couple anymore. i kind of want to put both of them with different OCs of min#but it'd switch up the WHOLE story if i had a different cast#in fact most of the problem lies in the fact that i have this long-running bedtime story i tell myself every night with lore#and a massive cast of characters that i switch out depending on who i'm most interested in right now and every so often i incorporate new#themes and ideas and motifs and plot points sometimes based on media i've been watching because it's MY bedtime story and it doesn't matter#if i plagiarise in my own brain. but then obviously i can't plagiarise in real life#and none of my bedtime stories are GOING anywhere. sometimes i only get through a scene or two before i fall asleep#all of which means my bedtime story is not so much a sweeping epic novel but a sitcom with way too many characters#most of which are werewolves to be honest and sometimes for my own wish fulfilment one of them will walk out of my head#and take care of my problems for me by lending me £1million or murdering my best friend's ex. in my mind obviously#so it's like. it's a case of getting in there and annexing off the stuff i think i can use#it's like yeah i've definitely written several romance novels in my head in the process of this but does it matter if they're IN my HEAD#to be honest i feel like my main strength is in creating characters. like i have this one family of werewolves i've been slowly but surely#adding members to since i was like 16. maybe younger? no yeah i think i made the first one when i was 12#they're compelling to ME anyway. i care about them. it's just PLOTS. i can't plot#if a book could just be a lot of dialogue and sex scenes and silly moments and character studies i'd be alright#i also can't describe settings. don't ask me to because i can't#and now i'm just annoyed with myself because i sat down at my laptop to try to write and instead i'm here complaining about how i don't wri#and if i had the digital typewriter... i mean i'd probably still be doing this i'd just no longer have £300#i don't have the £300 anyway. i hope to christ they refund my card i'm a fucking idiot
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shopping for clothes online stresses me tf out
#lily talks#to be fair it often does irl too#i wouldn't bother#but my aunt has decided she'll buy me something from this specific website that sells sustainable fashion and i'm so overwhelmed#like their stuff is very nice#but i'm very much not used to spending that much on a single item and asking for that from another person is even more stressful#like i know the woman has a comfortable amount of money but still#also i absolutely can't picture how any of these clothes would look on me#bc in all the photos on the site th models are wearing them with other clothes they sell so it's a complete outfit with just their stuff#yeah i do not have that#also i'm not skinny
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when the realisation ✨finally✨ dawns on you but it’s wayyyy too late
#so. to preface. i’m an idiot who often misses the point and stuff.#like it took me about 10 years to realise that i was being actively excluded from a group of girls#in which they went out of their ways to talk about all kinds of fun tall tales that all of them but me were involved in#(but i completely missed that they were trying to exclude me bc i was more interested in listening to their stories lmfaooo)#but anyways! a few weeks back my brother’s gf mentioned in passing that my bro told her that i went on the trip to look for bl manga#at first i was like ‘hahaha yeahhh i kinda read ‘em sometimes but not all the time yk’ but then i just realised that…#…he must’ve assumed that i was buying bl manga back when i bought vol 4 of idol sengen. fml#tbf!!!! there was a huge display of bl manga in the girls manga section of the store my family followed me into#so i guess i can see how he thought that i was buying bl manga? esp since i refused to let my fam see the cover of the book i bought?#but still… man. most of the bl manga on display there had v e r y spicy covers… lord knows which one he assumed i had bought…#there’s no way in heck i’m gonna correct him thought. nope. i don’t need him to go poking around in this fandom too#i’d d i e fr if he found this blog. so ig letting him continue with his assumptions is the lesser of two evils…#anyways. um. how was your wednesday~~~~?#it is suiyoubi my dudes
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