#how many typos did i miss this time kids

[eyesontheskyline]

someone else's solid ground (ch 2/2).

Read here on ao3.

(Or start with chapter one.)

Rating: E

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply (but brief, non-graphic mentions of canon violence)

Relationships: Emily Prentiss/Aaron Hotchner

Summary: Post-Scratch, Hotch surprises Emily. Set somewhere during 13.01, after the warehouse and before the funeral. (Feelings, conversations and sex.)

[imaginespazzi]

Part 4: Warning Bells

Masterlist - Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 5 - Part 6 - Part 7 - Part 8 - Part 9 - Part 10

I don't think I can do this again (do you remember it too?)

(In which a self-admittedly all over the place writer takes you on a bit of a rollercoaster)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff, Angst, Pining (the usuals)

Words: 6.1K

TW: Swearing, Mentions of Divorce

A/N: Hi lovelies :) Guess who made a deadline again? I'm as shocked as y'all are but I do wanna just warn y'all that August is gonna be really busy for me so as much as I'm gonna try to stick to schedule, there's a pretty good chance I won't. I really appreciate y'alls feedback with live-reacts/long reviews and it's truly the motivating factor behind my writing so pretty please keep sending them. I did edit (as usual) but please let me know the most likely existent typos anyway. As always, let me know what you liked, disliked and what you wanna see next. Have a lovely rest of your week my loves <3

March 2033 

Here’s what Azzi has learned about motherhood: having kids means that there will come many times in your life, when you will look around you and wonder how the hell did I get here. It’s that thought that’s currently plaguing her as she finishes hanging up the WELCOME HOME banner on the living room wall in her ex-girlfriend’s new apartment. And when she’s talking about kids, she’s not talking about her five year old who’s currently sticking purple hearts on every surface she can find. No, she’s talking about her 6’5 teammate who she’d once “adopted” as a joke in college, but who’s basically become her surrogate child ever since they’d ended up on the same WNBA team. 

It had started as a casual conversation when Jana, as she often did, had shown up for an impromptu lunch. The topic of Paige was hard to avoid considering it was Stephie’s favorite subject, heightened by the fact that Paige was coming back soon and Stephie was far too excited to finally have her Miss Buecks back. Jana was more than happy to indulge the little girl in conversation about what Paige had been like at UConn. And if Azzi had lost herself in those memories for a moment, transported back in time to a world that had once been blooming with promise before wilting in a darkness she’d created herself, well, she’d done an excellent job not letting it show on her face. 

The real issue had started when Jana had casually let slip her idea of surprising Paige with a little welcome party. And as Stephie had started reciting all the different things they could do -because of course me and Mama will help you Aunty J, Azzi had glared at Jana, only to receive an innocent smile in return that told her everything she needed to know. She’d been set up. 

That’s how, instead of spending her Saturday curled up on her comfortable couch with a book in her hands, Azzi is here instead and in true fashion, she’s the only one actually getting anything done. Jana, who had just left about twenty minutes ago to pick Paige up, had invited some of the other girls on the team to come help out yet, something about more hands on deck. Those supposed helpful hands had spent the last hour blowing up and popping balloons and getting nothing else done.

“I can’t believe y’all have me decorating for the woman who cost me my first national championship,” Joyce laments, “I still have nightmares from that game.”

“You gotta let that hurt go Aunty Joy,” Stephie says impishly, mimicking what Jana would normally say whenever the infamous 2025 South Carolina vs UConn national championship got brought up. 

“Don’t sass me Miss Stephanie,” Joyce sticks out her tongue at the little girl, throwing a purple balloon at Stephie’s head, “hasn’t your Mama taught you that we don’t mock people’s pain.”

“Ignore her Steph,” Tessa says, bumping her former Gamecock teammate as she shares a devilish grin with Azzi’s daughter, “she’s just upset she only won one. Some of us have two.”

Joyce guffaws, throwing another balloon, this time aimed at Tessa, “dude we’re supposed to be on the same team. What would Coach Staley say to you teaming with UConn people of all things to bully me?”

“She’d thank me for making sure you didn’t get a big head,” Tessa snipes back. 

Whatever response Joyce has to that quip is cut short by the doorbell ringing and Azzi feels her heartbeat quicken as Stephie lets out a squeal, dropping everything to go answer it. Things had been different since the facetime call almost two weeks ago. They’d accidentally on purpose settled into a routine where Stephie would call Paige at exactly 7 p.m. and Paige would answer on the first ring, promising to stay on the phone till the little girl fell asleep. And it would’ve been fine if that’s all it was. But then Paige started staying on the phone till after Stephie fell asleep and suddenly it was like they were back to their teenage selves, talking about everything and nothing, trying to learn every page of each other’s story all over again. 

Azzi had missed so much about Paige in the last couple of years but there was nothing she’d missed more than just talking to her best friend. She’d missed the way Paige would tell a story, going off on a million tangents in between. She’d missed the way her eyes would light up when she got to a particularly exciting part of the story, specks of gold shimmering in the blue like sunlight hitting the ocean. She’d missed the way Paige’s hands would be flying animatedly all over the place, even when she was whispering. She’d missed the way the blonde would pause halfway through to observe if Azzi was still listening, making sure all of the attention was still on her. And she’d missed the way that when it was Azzi’s turn to speak, Paige would hang onto every word like it was gospel, intently listening like she’d never forgive herself if she couldn’t recite everything Azzi had just said from memory. She’d missed the way Paige would let her emotions freely flicker across her face, because whatever happened to Azzi, Paige felt it too. 

She’d missed and missed, convinced the pain would be the end of her, until she’d tricked her mind into forgetting. And now Azzi’s beginning to realize that remembering it all again, might just be the thing that kills her. 

“Nevermind,” Stephie walks back to the room, sulking slightly, “it’s just Aunty Liyah.”

“Oh thanks Stephie babe. That makes me feel so wonderful,” Aaliyah says, walking in behind Stephie with an offended expression on her face, “and here I thought bringing cupcakes would make me popular.”

“Tell me those are store-bought Chavez. I ain’t trusting them if you made them yourselves,” Joyce says, side-eyeing the cupcakes. 

“Trust me I would never waste my precious time baking for y’all ungrateful ass-”

“Aaliyah,” Azzi shoots her younger teammate a sharp look.

“-ungrateful people,” Aaliyah corrects sheepishly, “cupcakes because y’all clearly don’t appreciate me.”

“I pre-ciate you Aunty Liyah,” Stephie says innocently, trying to get a better look at the aforementioned cupcakes, “you got the pu-ple ones right? They have to be pu-ple for Miss Buecks.”

Aaliyah bends down to Stephie’s level to show her the box of sweet treats “the perfect purple cupcakes for your Miss Buecks. How come you never wanna do nice things like this for us Stephie?”

“Because Miss Buecks is special,” Stephie retorts matter-of-factly.

“Oh so we’re not special?” Tessa asks, raising an eyebrow at Stephie.

“‘Course you are but Miss Buecks is special-er.”

And while her teammates all pretend to dramatically gasp at that, shaking their heads at Stephie, Azzi feels like someone’s squeezing her heart, twisting and twisting but never fully breaking it. She wonders if that might hurt less.

It’s another 10 minutes later when the doorbell rings again and Azzi watches her daughter’s face break into an incandescent grin, filled with hope, as she rushes to open the door because it has to be Paige this time. Azzi follows after her, trying to keep her breathing under control as anticipation clings to her nerves. Azzi’s gotten so spectacularly good at lying to herself that she tells herself this next one with ease: there’s not a single part of her that’s eager to see Paige again. 

“SURPRISE,” Stephie screams, flinging the front door open with as much strength as she can muster. She doesn’t give Paige a chance to react before she’s throwing herself against the blonde’s legs, hugging her thighs. 

It takes a second for Paige to register what’s happening, but when she does, it’s Azzi she’s looking at. Everything seems to move in slow motion as they stare at each other, the reality of the moment suddenly settling in. Paige is here. In Oakland. They’re going to be teammates; they’re going to see each other almost every day. Just like they used to. Except nothing is like it used to be and as that bitter truth comes up like bile in Azzi’s throat, she has to force herself to look away. 

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie calls out, tugging at the hem of Paige’s white shirt to get her attention, “do you like my surprise?”

Paige tears her eyes away from Azzi, leaning down to pick Stephie up before peppering her faces with kisses and making the younger girl squeal in delight, “best surprise ever.”

And Azzi really, really, can’t watch this. Not when it makes her want to walk over and cocoon herself in with the two of them, makes her want to pretend that she’s living in another life, one where she hadn’t thrown away the chance of a happily ever after with the girl she’d fallen in love with at fourteen, 

“Oh yeah Stephie, your surprise. Take all the credit. Not like the rest of us did anything,” Joyce rolls her eyes goodnaturedly, before pulling Paige into a one-armed hug, “welcome to the Bay Area Bueckers.”

Tessa and Aaliyah are next, both sharing warm hugs with their new teammate. Once they’ve had their turn, all eyes seem to turn to Azzi expectantly and the brunette blanches under their gaze. Other than Jana, who suddenly seems pretty heavily interested in the doorframe, the rest of her teammates don’t know about her past with Paige. So it’s only natural they’d expect her to greet Paige with all the cordiality of an old friend. 

“Y’all good?” Joyce asks slowly, looking between the two of them, “do you want me to introduce y’all or?”

“Shut up,” Azzi murmurs before drawing in a deep breath and stepping towards Paige. She tries not to fixate on the way Paige’s jaw flexes when the blonde swallows, tries not to think about all the patterns she’d once carved against that little patch of skin because she knew it drove Paige insane. The thing is Azzi can’t even really remember the last time they hugged beyond a for-the-cameras one at a game. But as she wraps her arms around Paige, the older woman’s breath tickling against her ear as she grips Azzi’s waist, it doesn’t feel that much different from how it used to be. Paige’s arms are still safe and strong and Azzi still wants to melt into them. But what’s different is that Stephie’s in between them now, tiny hands securely fastened around both of their necks. And Azzi almost, almost gives into the feeling of belonging as she whispers two simple words that mean just a little too much.

“Welcome home.”

***

Seven pairs of eyes watch as the movers move box after box after box into Paige’s apartment, until there’s more cardboard than floor visible. The three non-UConn girlies are wide-eyed as they watch the pile grow endlessly. Meanwhile Jana is laughing while Azzi tries to hide a smile behind her hands as the realization that she’d have to unpack all of her stuff hits Paige in waves, and her expression grows more and more somber. Once the movers are finally done, it’s Stephie, whose hand is still firmly clasped in Paige’s, who breaks the silence. 

“You have a lot of things Miss Buecks,” the little girl crinkles her nose, as she points out the obvious, “do you really need all of this stuff.”

“Of course I do Stephie,” Paige says indignantly and Azzi scoffs, earning her a withering glare from the blond. 

“Aight well it was nice to meet you-” Joyce starts, slowly backing away from the mess until Jana blocks her way. 

“Oh no you don’t. I told y’all we were all gonna help her move in. Call it team bonding,” the Egyptian says, her voice vaguely threatening. 

“Most of the team isn’t even here,” Aaliyah points out cautiously. 

“That’s not the point,” Jana rebukes, “alright team listen up. Here’s how this is going to go-”

“Maybe Paige should take charge. It is her apartment,” Tessa says slowly. 

“If we put Paige in charge she’ll tell us all to go home and procrastinate doing anything until after the season,” Azzi says, a knowing smirk playing on her lips. 

Paige pouts, “hey! I’m not that bad.”

“Oh you absolutely are.”

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

“O-kay,” Jana claps, breaking apart the bickering, “it’s good to see the two of you are apparently younger than Stephie,” she holds up a hands a both Paige and Azzi start to splutter in their defense, “now as I was saying before being rudely interrupted. We’re gonna split this up. Joyce and I are gonna do the living room. Aaliyah and Tessa, y’all are gonna fix the guest room. Which leaves,” Jana smiles, and it’s only because Azzi knows her so well that she can read the menacing sparkle behind it, “Paige and Azzi to tackle the master bedroom.”

They both open their mouths to protest but are quick to get cut off by an excited Stephie, “I’mma help Mama and Miss Buecks!”

“Of course you are, why would you ever help anybody else? Clearly you don’t love us anymore. Not since your precious Miss Buecks got here,” Joyce says dramatically and while Paige smirks and the rest of the girls pretend to act mock offended, Azzi uses the distraction to sidle up to Jana. 

“What the fuck are you playing at El-Alfy,” she hisses under hear breath.

Jana shrugs innocently, “the master bedroom is the hardest because Paige has so many fucking clothes so I’m letting y’all old heads do it. Some of us are below 30 ya know.”

“Cut the bullshit,” Azzi snaps. 

“I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about Fudd,” Jana says airily as she starts to unpack a box, leaving Azzi muttering curses under her breath. 

“Hey-”

Azzi spins around at the soft voice, only to find herself crashing against a solid body. It’s instinct, the way Paige’s hands immediately reach out to steady her and it’s instinct, the way Azzi’s hands grab at the lapels of the blond’s shirt. Goosebumps trails up her skin as Paige's breath, hot and heavy, fans across her face. They’re too close; way too close and yet the idea of stepping away feels like a sin. Azzi gulps as her thumb accidentally brushes Paige’s collarbone and the other woman shivers under her touch. She thinks she could probably get drunk off the feeling of knowing that she can still affect Paige like that. 

“You uh-” Paige swallows, fingers squeezing involuntarily against Azzi’s hip, “you don’t have to listen to Jana. I can- I can figure it out myself.”

“N-no,” Azzi stutters and she wonders if Paige feels a high from the way she still affects Azzi too, “there’s um- you have- uh- you have a lot of stuff. I can-,” she sucks in a deep breath, “I’ll help.”

“You sure?” there’s a vulnerable edge to Paige’s tone and any resolve Azzi could ever have melts immediately. 

“I want to help,” she says softly, letting a small smile slip onto her lips. 

The smile she gets in return is bright and sparkling, just like Paige herself and Azzi’s heart lurches, pleased to be the one receiving it, pleased to be the one who’d elicited it, “Good, cause I really wanted your help.”

Azzi shakes her head, trying to ignore the warning bells blazing in her head at the fact that they’re still holding each other, “why’d you pretend you didn’t?”

“I just wanted to hear you say it first,” Paige says, biting at her bottom lip. It leaves a light mark and Azzi finds herself wanting to soothe it over with her own tongue.

She thinks it might have been easier if it was just a little harder to fall back into Paige. It shouldn’t be so simple to fall back into late night conversations, so simple to fall back into easy teasing, so simple to fall back into feeling at peace in Paige’s arms. But it is. 

“Mama, Miss Buecks,” it’s Stephie who breaks their bubble but instead of jumping away from each other like they should, they step apart only enough to let the little girl into the space between them, so she can lace her hands through both of theirs, “are you ready?”

“Before you go Paige,” Tessa calls out, holding up a clear bag of corner guards and edge protectors, “what are we doing with these?”

Paige shuffles her feet nervously, “you um- you put them on the edge of like tables and stuff.”

“Bro but they’re for people who have children?” Joyce says, giving Paige a weird look, “you have a kid we don’t know about?”

Paige’s eyes flicker to Stephie for a brief second and Azzi freezes, a warm realization tickling up her spine. Butterflies erupt in her stomach, their wings fluttering to the beat of what’s mine could have been ours. 

“Of course not. I’m just super clumsy so precautions and all that,” the blond explains, shooting Jana a glare when the taller woman barely masks a giggle, “quit procrastinating by asking all these questions and get to work.”

“Has anyone ever told you the importance of first impressions? Because I’m telling you Bueckers, using your teammates as unpaid labor the first time you meet them is not it,” Aaliyah gives Paige a pointed look. 

“This wasn’t even my idea in the first place,” Paige defends. 

“True,” Tessa nods with a sickly sweet smile, “but you’re gonna pay for the pizza anyways.”

“I’m not pay-”

“PIZZA,” Stephie squeals, “Miss Buecks you’re gonna get us Pizza?”

“Yeah Miss Buecks,” Azzi smickers, crossing her arms as Paige’s stubborn retort dies on her lips, “you gonna get us pizza?”

Paige glares at her before she’s swinging Stephie up onto her lap again. And she really needs to stop doing things like that because it’s not remotely good for Azzi’s mental health to watch the way Stephie seems to fit perfectly in Paige’s arms, “of course I am Steph, what do you want?”

The two of them are lost in their own world discussing pizza toppings as Paige starts walking over to the master bedroom, until suddenly they're both turning around, looking at Azzi with identical expressions. And the brunette feels her heart tap out this could be my everything against her ribcage. 

“You coming Azzi?”

“Mama, are you coming?”

I’d go anywhere with the two of you, Azzi thinks as she nods her head, a light skip in her step as she moves to catch up with the two of them. 

“Of course I’m coming.”

***

Less than 10 minutes into trying to unpack, Azzi realizes that she’s the only one trying to unpack anything when she looks up from where she’s been folding t-shirts -trying and failing at not breathing in their familiar scent- to find Stephie decked in a colorful cardigan that goes all the way down to her toes, her feet clad in a pair of PB4’s that must be three times the size of her own shoes. A pair of Louis Vuitton sunglasses hide almost her entire face as she strikes pose after pose and Paige diligently takes pictures of her. 

“YES Stephie,” the blond indulges, “work it girl. There you go babe, hold that pose for me. You’re a natural in front of the camera.”

Stephie giggles and Azzi feels her heart constrict. Her favorite sound in the whole world has never sounded more like a signal for danger. 

“Ahem ahem,” she coughs, narrowing her eyes at the two people in front of her, “doesn’t look like y’all are unpacking to me.”

“Mama Miss Buecks has so many pretty clothes,” Stephie gushes, completely ignoring what her mother just said. 

“They’d look even prettier folded in her closet,” Azzi says pointedly. 

Stephie pouts, “you don’t think I look pretty?”

“You look really pretty in my clothes Stephie,” Paige cuts in, tapping the little girl on the nose before she turns her gaze towards Azzi, “just like your Mama used to.”

The silk material shirt slips out of Azzi’s hand as Paige’s words drizzle around her, like the rain after a drought. It takes every little bit of strength she can muster to force herself to ignore Paige’s words and pick up another shirt to fold even if she can’t stop the rouge tint that colors her face. There’s this part of her that’s been dormant for years but every little interaction with Paige threatens to awaken it and Azzi’s scared that if she lets that happen, she’ll never be able to put it to sleep again. 

“Just- just focus on unpacking,” Azzi mutters darkly. 

She spends the next hour or so, keeping her eyes downcast, her complete focus on the task at hand. Because if she looks up, if she lets herself see the way Stephie and Paige are folding clothes together while giggling about something, if she lets herself see the way Stephie climbs onto Paige’s back so the woman can give her a piggyback to the closet to deposit the folded clothes, she thinks she could fall in love with this moment, capture it behind her eyelids and let it live there forever. But this moment doesn’t belong to Azzi. Because Paige doesn’t belong to Azzi. Not anymore. 

Azzi’s taken away from her thoughts when she feels a tiny hand wrapping around her neck from behind, Stephie’s warm body pressing against her back and just like that, all the tension in her muscles seem to dissipate. 

“What’s up sweetheart,” she asks, turning her head to press her lips against her daughter’s temple. 

“Nothing Mama,” Stephie says sweetly, “just wanted to give you a hug.”

“Sure you’re not just trying to get out of helping Miss Buecks unpack?” Azzi asks slyly, pulling Stephie from behind her, so the little girl’s lying on her lap instead. She can feel Paige’s eyes focused on the two of them and even without looking, she thinks she knows what she’d find in them if she did. 

“Of course not Mama,” Stephie grins and then squeals as Azzi begins to tickle her. 

“I think you are,” Azzi sings-songs as she continues to poke at her daughter’s stomach, reveling in the way it makes the child laugh. 

“N-no Mama stop, stop,” Stephie manages to wrench herself out from Azzi’s grip, darting to hide behind Paige’s legs, “Miss Buecks save me.”

“There’s no saving you now Stephie-bear,” Azzi roars dramatically as she picks herself off the floor, smirking at her daughter as she wriggles her fingers menacingly. 

“You know what the best way to stop someone from tickling you is Stephie?” Paige says slowly, sending the little girl a conspiratorial wink.

“Don’t you dare-” 

“You tickle them back,” Paige yells and Stephie eyes widen with excitement, “did you know your Mama’s extremely ticklish?”

“Paige no,” Azzi starts moving back, hands held in surrender. 

“You started it.”

“Yeah Mama, you started it.”

“Paige. Stephie. Ple-” Azzi cuts herself off with squeal as two sets of hands start mercilessly prodding at her ribcage. She can’t get away, not when Paige has her securely wrapped from the back and Stephie’s pressed against her front, both of them laughing maniacally. They’re a mess of limbs that’s becoming harder and harder to tell apart as the three of them topple onto Paige’s bed. And Azzi thinks maybe she doesn’t want to escape it at all. She thinks she’d like to freeze them in this moment instead. Forever. 

“Pizza’s here,” someone yells from the living room and it’s Stephie who stops first, immediately jumping off the bed at the mention of food, leaving Paige and Azzi alone. On Paige’s bed. Barely an inch of distance between them as they try to catch their breath. It’s Azzi who sits up first, smoothening the wrinkles on her shirt. And just as she’s about to stand up fully, she feels a hand circling around her wrist. 

“It’s gonna be weird being alone tonight,” Paige confesses softly and Azzi feels her breath hitch.

“Didn’t you live alone in Dallas? At least after the divorce?” she tries to keep the bitterness out of her voice at the last word, a bitterness she knows she has absolutely no right to feel. 

Paige shrugs, her shoulders brushing against Azzi’s, “I did but I knew Dallas. I don’t know this place.”

“What exactly are you asking me?” Azzi asks even though she knows. 

“I’m not asking you anything. I don’t know if I have that right anymore” Paige says softly, letting go of Azzi’s wrist as she starts to walk towards the living room, turning her head back slightly once she gets to the door, “I’m just telling you I don’t wanna be alone tonight.”

***

Damn Paige Bueckers and her vulnerable eyes and her earnest tone because Azzi would, really, really like to be enjoying her slice of pizza right now. Instead everything tastes like ashes as Paige’s unsaid plea rings in her head. There are so many reasons why Azzi absolutely shouldn’t give in, why she should grab Stephie, get into her car, drive home and never look back. This involuntary dance the two of them are starting is far too familiar to what they’d done when they were teenagers and the vivid memories of the day the music stopped and they’re feet stopped moving still haunt Azzi every time she lets herself think of it for a little too long. And she shouldn’t push herself into this fire again, not when there’s Stephie to think about, but there’s a tiny little problem. She thinks she might be addicted to burning in Paige’s flames. 

So when the pizza’s done and the house is more or less in order, and her teammates are ready to leave, looking expectantly at Azzi, she finds herself leaping into lava, “um- I think Stephie and I are gonna stay for a little bit longer.”

“We are?” Stephie asks, a huge smile stretching the length of her face as she looks up at her mother. 

“Yeah. Um- Paige’s bedroom still um- still needs some work,” Azzi tries to justify her decision, ignoring the heat of the blond’s eyes that seem to be perpetually stuck staring at her. 

Joyce raises a perplexed eyebrow, “it looked done to me.”

Paige clears her throat, “there’s definitely uh- a couple more things that need to be handled.”

“It’s almost Stephie’s bedtime. I could stay and help-” Jana begins, eyeing the two of them suspiciously.

“No,” Paige says, a little louder than necessary, “I mean you’ve already done so much for me today Jana,” she manages a smirk, “let Azzi pull her weight a little bit too ya know.”

Janna narrows her eyes but doesn’t push it. It’s oddly domestic, standing side by side with Paige bidding goodbye to their teammates, Stephie in between them happily waving at the people that are leaving. The warning bells get louder and louder; Azzi continues to do nothing to stop them. 

“Mama, how long are we staying?” Stephie asks innocently. 

“We um-” Azzi chews at her lip, finally giving into the temptation to look at Paige, “we’re gonna stay with Miss Buecks tonight so she doesn’t feel alone.”

The shrill scream that escapes Stephie’s mouth could probably break glass as she turns herself around to grab at Paige’s waist, “Miss Buecks I’m gonna stay with you! We’re gonna have a sleep-over.”

Paige laughs, kneeling down so she’s face to face with the little girl, “yeah we are.”

“Are you scared to sleep alone too Miss Buecks?” Stephie asks cautiously, cupping Paige’s face with tiny hands. 

“Just a little bit,” Paige admits, leaning into Stephie’s touch. 

“Me too,” Stephie whispers shyly, “that’s why I sneak into Mama's bed and she gives me lots and lots and lots of cuddles. Mama’s cuddles are the best,” she turns to Azzi, “Mama will you give Miss Buecks cuddles tonight too?”

“I uh-” Azzi swallows, taken aback by the question, “I thought you didn’t like sharing Mama’s cuddles?”

“I don’t,” Stephie agrees, “but I’d be okay sharing them with Miss Buecks.”

***

Azzi had planned -a loose term because really she hadn’t planned on any of this- for her and Stephie to take the guest room. Paige had been ready to give up her own room on the grounds of politeness. And Stephie was insistent that she needed to sleep in between both Mama and Miss Buecks tonight because it’s a sleepover we all have to stay together. Obviously out of the three of them, only one of them was going their way and it didn’t take a genius to figure out who that would be.  That’s how they’d ended up here, dragging chairs and pillows and blankets into the middle of the living room to create a makeshift fort. 

Azzi’s putting on the finishing touches, stringing purple fairy lights Paige had produced out of nowhere, when Stephie emerges from Paige’s bedroom where she’d gone looking for something to wear in lieu of pajamas. 

“Mama look what I found,” Stephie beams, proudly pointing at the black t-shirt she’s found that covers her whole body, “it’s you and Miss Buecks when you were littler.”

It’s their SLAM cover t-shirt and Azzi feels tears prickling at her waterline as she’s met with the picture of a younger version of the two of them. Back when they’d been so hopeful and carefree, ready to take on the world as long as they could do it together. Back when they’d been 2 in a million.

“I can’t believe you still have this,” Azzi whispers, unable to stop herself from running her fingers across the version of who they used to be. She wonders what those girls would think of them now; those girls who’d laid and bed and pinky promised forever. She thinks they’d probably be appalled at the fact that Paige and Azzi had spent eight years barely speaking. She thinks maybe they’d hate her for what she’d done. She thinks maybe she hates herself a little bit for what she’s done to them. 

Paige is leaning against the wall, her voice quiet when she speaks, “I couldn’t let it go.”

And they both know she’s not talking about the shirt. 

“Can we watch a movie?” Stephie asks, diving into the fort and peering up at the two adults. 

Paige recovers first, “yeah- yeah of course Steph,” she looks at Azzi, “do you- do you want something else to sleep in?”

“I’m good,” Azzi says, trying to inconspicuously brush away a rebellious tear. The shirt she’s wearing feels itchy against her skin but she doesn’t think she could handle wearing something of Paige’s. She scooches into the fort, leaning back against one of the pillows and Stephie’s quick to curl into her and Azzi absentmindedly rubs her hands down her daughter’s back. Paige switches on the TV, letting Stephie dictate a movie choice before letting herself into the fort, laying down on Stephie’s other side. 

“Miss Buecks come cuddle,” Stephie demands from where her head is laying on Azzi’s chest. When Paige hesitates, the younger girl takes it upon herself to pull Paige’s arms over her, making the older woman lie on her side so she can drape her hands over Stephie's stomach, accidentally brushing against Azzi’s ribcage. Stephie lets out a satisfied sigh, lying back down against Azzi, crossing her arms so she can hold Paige’s hand with one and latch onto her mother with the other. 

“Perfect.”

And it is. The sound of Stephie’s chatter slowly fading away mixed with Paige’s quiet breathing is the perfect lullaby and Azzi finds herself drifting off into the best sleep she’s had in years. 

***

Sunlight peeks in through the window and Azzi groans at the interruption. Her whole body feels a little stiff, not used to sleeping on the floor like this. A quick glance at her phone tells her it’s 7 a.m. and Azzi’s just about to let herself fall back asleep when her eyes land on the two sleeping figures next to her. Stephie’s face is buried in Paige’s neck, one arm slung over her waist. Paige, mouth slightly ajar as she sleeps, has both hands fastened on the younger, holding her tightly against her chest like she’d fight the world if someone tried to steal her from her grip. They look happy, content, at peace. And Azzi can’t breathe. 

The warning bells in her head create a cacophonous commotion that she can no longer escape. It hits her like whiplash that she can’t do this. She doesn’t know what had gotten into her last night, why she’d agreed to this, to any of this. But she can’t do this. 

“Stephie,” Azzi whispers urgently, trying to pull her daughter out of Paige’s grasp, “Stephie wake up.”

“Az?” Paige asks groggily, stirring in her sleep, “what’s going on?”

“We need to go home,” Azzi says and she can’t bear to look at Paige. 

“What?” Paige is far more awake now as she glances at her phone, “it’s 7 am Azzi. What’s the rush?"

Azzi ignores her, still trying to wake Stephie up who groans, “Mama too early.”

“Steph-”

“Azzi,” Paige’s voice is firm as she wraps her hand around Azzi’s wrist, slipping Stephie off of her, “what is going on.”

Azzi grits her teeth, “nothing’s going on. We just need to go home.”

“Azzi-”

“We shouldn’t have stayed last night Paige,” Azzi bursts out and Paige freezes. 

“Come out of the fort Azzi,” the blond says, her voice eerily calm as she stands up. Azzi follows after her, heart beating rapidly against her chest as she tries to keep the tears at bay. 

“We need to go home,” the brunette repeats, struggling to breathe, “this was a mistake,” Paige flinches and Azzi feels a knife turn in her own hurt, “we can’t do this.”

“Do what Azzi?” Paige asks exasperatedly, still trying to keep her voice low for Stephie’s sake. 

“This,” Azzi all but shrieks, throwing her hands up, “it’s too much, too quick and Stephie- Stephie’s getting attached and I can’t- I can’t let that happen.”

“Why not?” Paige argues stubbornly. 

“Because these last two weeks she couldn’t fall asleep without you on the phone. Because you’re all she talks about sometimes. Because she’s gonna want you forever,” Azzi’s voice breaks, “and she can’t have you forever.”

“Az-”

“And you’re getting attached too. I see the way you look at her and it’s amazing but it’s not- it’s not sustainable Paige. For either of you. Because you’re gonna find someone soon,” the words taste sour on Azzi’s tongue, “and you’re not gonna have time for her and missing you is going to kill her and the guilt of that is going to hurt you. I’m trying to pro-”

“Don’t you fucking dare,” Paige’s voice is hard now, eyes gleaming with fire, “you’re basing all of this on a hypothetical that might not even come true. You’re not protecting anybody. You’re projecting.”

Azzi reels back, “I am not projecting.”

“Yes you are,” Paige hisses, “you’re not scared of Stephie or me getting too attached. You’re scared of yourself getting too attached.”

“Mama? Miss Buecks,” Stephie’s tired eyes look warily between the two of them, “what’s going on?”

Azzi plasters a smile on her face as she picks up her little girl, trying to pretend that the truth in Paige’s words haven’t just made her feel hollow, “we’re going home Stephie.”

“I don’t wanna go home,” Stephie fights against Azzi’s grip, looking helplessly at Paige, “Miss Buecks I wanna stay. Can I please stay?”

“You have to listen to your Mama sweetheart” Paige says softly, heartbreak written over her face as she moves to press a kiss against Stephie’s knuckles, “but I’ll see you soon okay. I promise.”

“Miss Buecks,” Stephie whimpers and Azzi has never hated herself more as she rushes out of Paige’s new house, willing herself to not look back. She buckles Stephie in the back, pretending she doesn’t see the way Paige is watching them leave from the porch, like she’d do anything to stop it. And then she drives away. 

It isn’t until she’s safely in the confines over her own room, that Azzi finally lets the tears fall. And she consoles herself with the fact that it’s okay to crack her daughter's heart, to crack Paige’s heart, to crack her own heart, if that’s the only way she can stop their hearts from breaking altogether.

[strrynigghts]

unexpected news

— könig x fem!preg!reader

— cw/tw: pregnant reader, accidental baby, potential typos, 3am writing, babies, established early relationship, reader and könig don’t live together, illusion to house!wife reader though she has a job, fluff(?), english to german google translate, so I’m sorry if it’s not perfect! lmk if I’ve missed any!

— summary: y/n is pregnant with königs baby, and he finds out

— an: I apologise for my long absence! I’ve been on and off tumblr for a few weeks now. just have been busy and had major writing block unfortunately. I am officially moved into my new home, and my pets are a lot sometimes, especially with two jobs. I’ve been focusing more on life, rather than tumblr, hence another reason why I’ve been gone. this idea came to me when my bf and I talked about how many kids we’d prefer XD enjoy lovies :3

it was honestly an accident. you and könig got a little too into it one night, and the way you wrapped around him oh so tight, ugh. he couldn’t help it, ripping off his condom to stuff his seed deep in you, mumbling, “ich möchte, dass du die mutter meiner kinder bist, maus. bitte lass mich in dir kommen,” in german as he came inside, your eyes rolled back so far into your skull you couldn’t even comprehend what happened until you felt sick a few days later.

you’ve called out of work for the past week, telling your boss you have a bad case of the flu. but the pregnancy test in your hand had said otherwise. you were in fact pregnant, and you couldn’t help but slouch against the door to your bathroom, tears streaming down your face as you started wallowing in what only you could describe as self pity.

könig, ever the gentleman, bright you soups everyday up until he had a mission. but you wouldn’t answer the door, or his calls. you couldn’t face him. he was in the military for gods sake! he couldn’t care for a baby, and honestly, neither could you. your apartment was falling apart at the seams more or less, and you honestly felt terrible.

but it was on the second week, you decided to face könig and his coworkers. after a mission that went horribly wrong, you wanted to invite him and his team over. you made them their favourite foods, and even set up the table while they were on their way over. as königs girl, you honestly didn’t mind cooking for him, or his team. they were like his family, and you made sure your apartment provided them comfort when they couldn’t feel comfortable in their own homes.

when they arrived, könig was the first to greet you. “hello my maus,” he said softly, kissing you on the cheek before stepping further into your home, everyone else following behind him. they all sat and ate, while you messed with the food on your plate, your appetite not so much in the moment. you felt sick, so you excused yourself and dashed for the bathroom, bending over the toilet. “oh my love, are you okay? did the soup not help you? you’re still sick from before I left for the mission?” könig spoke softly, grabbing your hair so it was out of the way.

you kept lurching over the toilet, unaware that königs eyes locked onto the pregnancy test that sat semi hidden under a wad of toilet paper, his breath hitching as he glanced between you and the test.

“you’re pregnant?”

you whined, looking at him with teary eyes and a red face, nodding subtly. “I was going to tell you I swear! just wasn’t sure how you’d react. wanted to tell you when the time was right, könig.” sighing, you stood up, flushing the toilet as you looked at him as he eyed you.

in a flash, he pulled you into his chest, hugging you tightly. “I’m going to be a dad!” he laughed softly, grabbing your hand and pulling you back towards the team, shouting, “she’s pregnant! I’m going to be a dad!” they all smiled and clapped for him and you, saying their congratulations and whatnots.

you weren’t sure how’d this play out, but you were ready to go down this lane and see where it takes you, so long as könig remained by your side, and his team on the other, lending a supporting hand to you both when needed.

© 2024 strrynigghts | please don't copy, translate, or repost any of my works. reblogs and likes are encouraged however.

image credit here

[phoenixyfriend]

IDK how many of you remember @professorsparklepants's post about the unintended tragedy implied in Avril Lavigne's Sk8er Boy from a while back, but uhhhhhh it's basically Ballerina Farm.

If you've heard the edges of that drama and are curious but don't want to get in too deep, here's the rundown:

I heard about it in two videos:

Tyler Bender has more focus on the ways that an influencer may be specifically presenting herself for the interviewer, and the impact of Mormonism on the choices (Bender is herself a former(?) member of the LDS church, and speaks from that perspective, and has experience in the field of marketing)

Film Cooper, while I often have issues with his videos, does a lot more focus on just how relevant Julliard and the 'first student in decades(?) to get pregnant' are to the story, and clips of how happy she seems to be when dancing on camera

If you'd rather have a summary in text form, here we go:

BallerinaFarms is an influencer considered a big name in the tradwife community. Mormon, eight kids, runs a farm with her husband. She got a lot of press earlier in the year for winning Mrs. America two weeks after giving birth.

As a result, a journalist interviewed her ,and the 'perfect' image that has been presented to the world has been firmly shattered, and that's after a lot of cracks were showing in the socials already.

(Mrs. American is not a typo. It's not a tradwife pageant, to my knowledge, it's just a Miss America for married women.)

Basic timeline/summary of the article...

She got into Julliard. She was on track to be a world famous ballerina.

She did not want to date this man. She turned him down for six months. He snagged a seat next to her on a plane ride from salt lake city to nyc, by making a call, becaus his dad OWNS JET BLUE. They talked a lot on the plane, and then she agreed to date him. Insisted on a year of dating before engagement or marriage.

They get married after three months instead. She gets pregnant pretty quick. First Julliard student to get pregnant in a Very Long Time because generally, if you get into Julliard, ballet is your life. She was also on scholarship. She was That Good. Performed overseas and everything.

So that's her career ambitions down the drain. But it's Fine, Totally Fine, because she's got a baby, and a husband, and he is moving them to South America for a few years.

She has about one baby a year.

They move back to the US to a semi-isolated farm in Utah, not too far from civilization but not all that close, either.

She does not get to have childcare. No nannies. Babysitters are allowed one night per week (date night) and otherwise not at all. She is also homeschooling the eight children.

She did not get to have any painkillers for the kids… except one, which she only mentioned to the reporter when the husband was out of the room, and says that the epidural was amazing.

She still loves ballet. It's the only time in her videos that she seems truly happy.

Her husband really wants to be a cowboy but, again, his dad owns airlines. He's a billionaire trust fund baby.

This was his dream life. She repeatedly Seems To Stop Herself from saying things about how unhappy she is and how it wasn't her plan in life. (Is this calculated to get enough attention that she can get away? To get more clicks on her videos? Actual slips? Unclear.)

There's a notable video where she's filmed opening a birthday present and she keeps talking about tickets to Greece (clearly something she's been dropping hints about enough for her to assume that he got it for her, especially since she's on camera) and it's... an egg apron.

One of her only requests for the farm was that they would renovate a barn into a ballet studio for her. It is, instead, a schoolroom for the children.

She apparently collapses of exhaustion regularly, from having to look after eight children with minimal help, in addition to the content creation, the cooking--they have cleaners, but she does the food herself--running the farm, homeschooling, and being pregnant more often than not.

It's a shitshow and people are rightfully horrified. I'm sure I missed some stuff but it's really sad.

The snippets of video that FilmCooper shows, and the excerpts that both videos have from the article, paint a picture of a REALLY controlling husband even in settings where you'd think the man would at least try to act like he's not evil.

Explains the title on that Film Cooper video.

(You can also see why this made me think of the Prof post.)

[1moreff-creator]

DRDT CH2 EP15 First Impressions

46 minutes. Closing Argument inbound.

It’s time.

Spoilers for CH2 EP15. CW: Hanging, murder, references to eating disorders, strangling, blood and wounds.

I actually wasn’t home when this started airing, but I got there literally five minutes after the hour so… Wee!

Before I jump in: I think the time frame of 46 minutes points to Ace NOT being the culprit, since it feels too long for just him, but it’s impossible for us to know yet. I’d say I still think he’s more likely than Eden, but only barely.

Ace: “Are you kidding me?” Isn’t that a different sprite from the end of Ep14? Hilarious if true.

“That’s so inane-“ Big vocabulary words!

Eden: “No… It must have been Ace. The more I think about it, the more I’m sure.” GIRL WHY ARE YOU SO SUSPICOISY?!?! (<- I noticed the typo but it illustrates my mental state atm).

“He was the one stalking me!” Huh? Wait so that wasn’t just Teruko? Wait wait wait how long does Eden think Ace was stalking her for?

“I always had the feeling that someone was following me around.” For how long? Ace was unconscious in the referenced scene!

[Rose agrees with Eden] Everyone’s jumping too fast I don’t think Ace is the culprit chat. It might be Edenover actually.

Ace: “That was not me, and you have no way of proving it.” I know! Everyone’s jumping way too fast to this conclusion!

Teruko: “There’s a very narrow window when the fish could’ve been taken” (Paraphrased). FISH ALIBI! But it’s way too early to be decisive, there’s forty fucking minutes left. Still, I want to know; Nico, did you eat with Hu and Eden or not?

“Any earlier, and Nico would have noticed the missing fish.” How many people know about Nico’s account btw?

Veronika: “And isn’t that why you took the fish at all? To frame Nico?” Yo that’s what I thought! Vero and I think alike! (<- This means bad things for me).

Veronika: “Yes true.” Look at that little smile :)

[J and Levi discuss Ace’s mindset to take the tape] Yeah this is the hardest part for Ace!Culprit.

Eden: “He did run off very quickly…” asjgeb (I’m losing the ability to form coherent thoughts).

“Ace had a whole day to figure out the murder.” (P.) Me and Teruko think alike again!

“Why *were* you in the gym…?” I’ve heard this question before! Teruko thinks like thebadjoe! Different context sure but they’re both smart so it checks out :)

[Levi rebuts] Yeah… the tape-taking’s still weird.

Ace: “…” Ooh, someone’s still feeling things at being defended by Levi!

“No one can prove this but yourself.” True, that’s the main issue with this line of reasoning, and why I haven’t been putting much thought into it.

“…you took the tape for first aid.” ivibells thinks like Teruko! (Check comments of linked post). Was not expecting that particular line of reasoning to show up. I wonder if Teruko’s been forced to use tape for first aid in the past? Would make sense.

“I do it all the time.” Oh yeah she does lol. Shit that happens with this format of reaction post :p

“Devil’s Pubes” Okay funny, but is “Devil’s Proof” a commonly used term? Reminder to me to look into a thing.

{Looked into it. Yes it’s a commonly used term. Proceed as normal}

“(visibly shaking)” New Whit sprite! Also super funny.

“Tch…” Ooh… New Ace sprite! And it’s cool!

Interesting lines around here, just don’t have much to say.

Teruko: “Show me your neck scars.” What the fuck is she cooking?

Ooh, now Ace is looking super sus…

There was blood on Ace’s hand, not just a saturation glitch! Good catch venus-is-thinking and accirax!

Teruko: “Even if you’ve been pretending that you’re fine, it still hurts. Right?” No genuinely where the fuck is she going with this.

I noticed this in the last episode too, seems like the dev’s grown fond of chest closeups for emotional moments. Interesting!

“…you would know to tape Arei’s hands…” Teruko this isn’t evidence. Like, you may be 100% right, but this isn’t evidence.

“That’s the dumbest bullshit I’ve ever heard!” Honestly yeah. Teruko’s reasoning here is sorta crazy.

“You seem stressed. They’re only wounds.” Veronika is being a good ally to Teruko out of nowhere but we love to see it.

Yay unhinged Vero laughter! I love that voice clip.

Nico: “…” “Sorry” as a voice clip? Huh? I thought they weren’t sorry-? I’m confused, I’ll maybe look into it after we get through the main event.

Also the more time passes without explaining the pieces of evidence left, the worse it’s looking for Ace.

[Teruko backing down.] Actually pretty cool character moment. Yeah she would understand almost dying sucks, and with the way things are going, her word would always go kinda uncontested at this point in the trial.

Ace: “Woow, Ace is actually being helpful!” The sass is immaculate. I have no idea where this trial’s going yet!

“There’s something wrong with thinking the murder was done to frame Nico.” (P.) Oh shit is he gonna bring up the fact that taking down the pulley system and hanging Arei from the swing set makes no sense in that context?

“There’s no way I could have accessed turpentine…” Ah, so not that. Bad line of reasoning my guy, imo. Still curious to see the answer to this debacle.

Hu: “You’re always attacking Nico like this!” Bro.

Nico: “I still have the turpentine in my room. I’m sorry.” Kinda huge. Also, they did apologize to Rose when they didn’t apologize to Ace. Nice character building and huge W for the Rosenico enthusiasts.

“Obviously.” First David line and he’s already calling someone an idiot! Fun stuff.

“I-di-ot.” Why does David get so many good lines?

“You are a jockey. And that’s a fact.” Charles with the groundbreaking revelations!

“That means you strong.” (P.) Yeah according to strength chart the guy is the third strongest cast member. Even above Arei. Hmmm… Foreshadowing or not?

Ace: “If it wasn’t arm wrestling against Xander, nah I’d win. Wait that’s not the point!” (P.) Fucking hilarious character this guy!

“You could have strangled Arei unconscious.” (P.) Yeah I never got the argument that turpentine was required for unconsciousness. The hanging would have covered wounds on her neck.

“Full offense, but Ace is too much of a wimp to kill with his bare hands.” (P.) David’s funny and that’s not new. What’s also not new is him being confusing even when he’s not actively stirring up shit. Do you want to lose the trial or not? Do you think Ace did it or not? Why are you like this?

Charles: “Your [David] input is unnecessary.” I’m gonna miss Charles when he gets poisoned by strychnine in CH3.

Interesting discussion around this part, I just don’t have much input and it’s been an hour and I still have 30 mins of video to go :v

Nico: “Why was Arei hanging from the swing set?” Thank you.

Teruko: “Pinning the crime on Nico is plan B but also the main plan.” (P.) I figured, but how smart are we assuming Ace to be again?

Eden: “Is Ace even capable of doing a feat of strength like that?” And THAT’s innocent behavior. It MIGHT be Aceover.

[Eden continues defending Ace] It’s Aceover.

“If you can talk, the neck wound isn’t so serious.” (P.) We’re back with another round of “character speaks with way too much authority about something super weird!” How many neck wounds have you seen, Teruko?

Rose: “Isn’t Ace kinda weak?” Why are we roasting him- Never mind it’s Ace he gets roasted daily. Proceed.

“He was beaten by Xander-“ Yeah ‘cuz Xander’s a freak- “and he’s small and doesn’t eat a lot.” (P.) Uh… Rose… did you forget what his secret was or did you not realize that this might be a bit insensitive?

J: “Seconded. He’s a scrawny little guy.” While dunking on Ace is kinda funny, if Ace can’t hoist Arei up with the spinny thing, then we’re kinda fucked unless Levi!Accomplice rises from the ashes from out of nowhere.

J: “Isn’t Ace… too stupid?” I love that this is an actual argument that not only the fandom used, but the characters brought up as well :p

Ace: “…” PFFT-

The voice acting in the following section is fucking fantastic all around. Also Ace accidentally fucking himself over out of anger at being insulted is hilarious.

Ace: “…What?” Another new sprite, and I still have no idea where this is going in terms of culprit! How?!?!

Again all the voice acting is just fantastic. And also this is kinda funny.

Charles: “I disagree with Ace.” Yeah “he’s weak and stupid” isn’t great reasoning.

Whit: “Plus you call me stupid all the time.” Charles tsundere confirmed?! (Trick question: It always has been confirmed).

Charles: “When other people [judge with intelligence bias], it truly gets on my nerves.” Interesting character tidbit here, wonder if there’s a bigger reason for that or not.

“I’m the only one reasonable enough to do that.” (P.) Oh there was a reason PFFT-

“Will you test his IQ…?” (P.) Charles really hit them with “nice argument senator, why don’t you back it up with a source?”

[Charles and Levi team up to explain jockeying] Interesting team up, and good points! I guess Teruko’s been hogging that brain cell a bit too much these last few episodes, so it makes sense for it to be Charles’ turn, huh?

Whit: “The Kuning-Dooger effect…” Charles: “Not what it’s called.” HHAHAHA!

Charles: “Ace is the killer. Don’t refute me unless you like being incorrect.” (P.) Wow that is certainty goddamn!

“Then simply do not be wrong in the future.” Yo why’s he so funny for?

My brain is kinda fried as Ace and Levi continue to argue the point, but “between you and me, we both know who’s really a murderer” is kinda crazy.

[Non-Stop Debate] WOOO!

[Truth Bullet: Laundry Ball] Oh? Are we gonna talk about getting the rope over the rafters? Or am I wrong to assume that’s how this was used?

“In the context of Nico’s murder” (P.) Love the little arrow to Nico xD

“Nico hung Ace by stepping on a stepladder…” (P.) I think I know where this is going!

[Truth Bullet Fired] YEEAH BABY!

We’re putting the image in a fifth post! >:D

“If you starch it up with laundry starch…” (P.) Aww… there goes thebadjoe’s idea on the starch. I kinda liked it, but this makes sense too. At least I called it as a possibility in that post I linked before! Kinda…

“How could I have thrown it?” (P.) Slingshot idea coming in? I don’t know how the episode still has like twenty minutes left if that’s the case. Maybe the Closing Argument is much longer than I’m expecting?

Arturo: “But there’s other evidence you threw it up there.” Oh yeah I kinda forgot the lights were part of it :v

Ace: “Bullshit.” It’s Aceover. Breakdown! Breakdown! (<- Reference to the theory that the JoJo’s song from the playlist refers to Ace).

The Ace shouting scene (that doesn’t narrow it down but you know what I mean) is fantastic, since the voice acting is on point as usual. We’re really spoiled in that aspect. And Ace’s victim complex is on full display, it’s really cool.

ARGUMENT ARMAMENT?!?!?! OH IT’S SO OVER! The art is really cool! :D

By the way, I’m gonna call that the final attack will be the elastic band thing Ace took from the gym in CH2 EP2 for the slingshot idea on the ball of clothes.

All the lines here are pretty standard, but I like them!

[Using a slingshot] Wooo! Last minute theory was correct! Shoutout that Reddit user who figured this out around the same time I did (again linked in the “select two” post I’ve already put a link to). Great minds think alike!

Teruko: “It’d be impossible for anyone to throw the weight…” (P.) Yeah right who would believe such a thing (<- Genuinely argued Eden could have potentially done it).

“Specifically, you could have made a slingshot out of this.” [Shows elastic band] Teruko where were you keeping that? Up your ass? Who brought this to the trial room?

[Levi explains, mechanism shown] Oh that mechanism makes significantly more sense than anything I was coming up with :v Still got three main idea though!

Ace: “You’re lying to verify Teruko’s made-up story!” Oh oh, someone’s desperate…

By the way the glove has yet to be explained and I find this very funny.

Ace: “Where would I have stored the water jugs?” (P.) …In the playground with literally the entire rest of the mechanism?

“SHUT UP, ACE!” SLAY TERUKO!!!

“We determine who lives and dies by majority vote…” (P.) New sprite? New cool sprite? Also, this line reminds me; do y’all think Teruko will received two votes again? I think she will.

“The point of the trial…” Also a new sprite I think? And I’m loving Teruko here, but how is this gonna lead to a Closing Argument? :v

“Are you silent now?” So many new sprites! New Ace sprite right after too.

[Ace giving up] Didn’t wanna comment because augh… this hurts… My heart goes out to all you Ace stans out there. I know you guys have a reputation as some of the most dedicated fans around, so I hope y’all are doing alright. I liked Ace quite a bit too, so this also hurts a lot on my end, but damn…

“Who do you think I am, you?!” Well at least he got one last good shout at Hu in :,D

Veronika: “What do you mean?”

Ace: “I’m definitely gonna die if I don’t escape. Everyone hates me, right?” (P.) Oh, wasn’t Veronika who told him that? That constantly picking fights would get him killed? I wonder how she’s gonna feel about that, if it’s explored. Genuinely curious, Vero’s hard to read.

“Veronika was right.” Yeah I really should let the dialogue play more often, huh :p? What I said stands though.

“A part of me wishes Nico had succeeded.” (P.) AGH!-

“But still!” New sprites going crazy!

This entire trauma dump is more or less what I imagined Ace’s motive would be. Super sad still, goddamn I can’t wait for his Bonus Episode if he gets one. My guy needs to talk to Good Person Mai stat.

“…I’m a coward who can’t fight my own fate.” FATE THEMES GO INSANE!!!

Eden: “But that’s so selfish!” Man I’m actually really glad I can stop reading Eden’s lines with suspicion now. I always kinda felt bad about it even if I thought the evidence against her merited it :v

[J’s response] You know, accirax and venus have been counting the amount of times J has been anti-murder and they were (as usual) cooking hard. I don’t know why she gets all the “murder’s bad” lines, but it helps build my “J will become primary support” agenda so.

“I know that.” Auch.

“Arei… She was a piece of shit, too.” Is he about to reveal he heard the last of the Arei-David conversation.

Also “good person” drop! Probably one of the last of the chapter!

“But at least she was trying. […] I really am a piece of shit, huh?” So. Much. Pain.

“Oh my. How tragic.” Holy shit Veronika smiling after no one denies Ace sucking is crazy. I know it’s far from the most concerning thing she’s done but this feels so sinister. I guess she doesn’t even care that she might’ve planted the idea of murder in Ace’s mind, huh? I love her <3

“… just vote already!” Are we even gonna have a Closing Argument at this point? Who the hell is gonna ask for a full recap? Eden for the memory of Arei?

Teruko: “Allow me to go over the case…” Ah alright. Protag knows she’s gotta protag I guess xD

“Sorry. But it has to be done.” Okay she actually has trope knowledge what is this.

4 Minutes for the Closing Argument… about the same as last time I think? Maybe a bit shorter?

Also the glove is just straight up not going to be explained huh. I imagine the scuffs on the floor will be shown but you know.

[Ace overhearing Eden+Arei] Btw I know some people missed this: the note sent to Arei explicitly mentions what secret Eden got, which didn’t get brought up in Arei-David. Yes, Ace has to have overheard both of them.

“He was originally planning to kill Eden.” …Nice argument senator why don’t you back it up with a source?

Like genuinely where did that deduction come from? Again, Eden never said how long she felt she was being followed for. It could have only started after this. It’s apparently not wrong, but it’s still a pretty large assumption on Teruko’s part.

[Mechanism Images] Yoo high quality ball over the rafters picture!!! It became canon!!!

[Jug picture] Oh that’s how that worked. Yeah I always had a bit of trouble imagining exactly how the jugs would have been tied to the rope.

[Arei follows the note] Oh she went out without her glove! She just never put it on that morning! For no particular reason! That is the funniest possible conclusion to that particular mystery xD

“Ace cut her free…” …With? I guess he just bit the rope lmao. (He probably just had like a knife or something.)

[Ace over the swing set] PFFT- Okay to be honest, the question of “how do you even physically get Arei up there?” had always bothered me a bit (it’s a lot harder than you might think to visualize), and I was expecting it to be a kind of “don’t think about it too hard” situation. But seeing this as the actual solution is fantastic.

[Trial Close]

Wait are we not gonna talk about the- the scuffs on the floor? I- Wait- How did-

I guess I was right to just assume they were supposed to be a vague indication of struggle as opposed to anything more specific xD

-

General Thoughts

I feel a sense of… weightlessness. It’s over. The mystery’s over. Levi!Accomplice, Eden!Disguise, J-Arei Swap (I’m assuming that’s dead don’t quote me on it), J!Culprit via the screening room with the remote, “David manipulated someone into murder,” all the other theories that came of this… all shall pass on as fun AU ideas that never came to be. Alas, Ace!Culprit reigns supreme.

The episode was awesome. Less of a roller coaster like the last few have been, more like a linear plunge into sadness. I’ve run out of words to describe how incredible these episodes are, but all the praise I gave the other episodes applies to this one as well.

The star is obviously Ace, and man, despite how horribly sad the Ace fans must be feeling, at least we got fed this chapter. Genuinely felt bad for him even though as J said what he did is pretty unjustifiable. So many interesting things to explore all around for him, and quite a few other characters as well. Just… a feast. I’ve been considering making a fully cohesive post talking about the entirety of CH2 PT2 in more detail than I’ve gone over in these reaction posts, and I’m pretty sure this episode cemented that as a really solid idea.

Theory Discussion

Well the crime’s solved, but since I am the “Local Min Jeung Kinnie,” maybe it’d be appropriate to grade myself on how well my theories panned out?

I will skip talking about the Nico-Ace situation because my ideas for it were completely insane as a result of the vast amounts of evidence that just… didn’t matter. I was right that Nico was the only attacker, but I shared this opinion with like half the fandom at least, so.

The Arei murder is the main course, and frankly… I’d say I did pretty well! All things considered.

Looking back at my Eden!Culprit Levi!Accomplice theory from a year ago, although I got the complete wrong culprit and threw in an accomplice that didn’t exist, the method itself was strikingly similar provided you correct the oddities that removing an accomplice brings. Hell, a lot of the deductions from my very first post on this came true. Crime happened in the morning, ball of clothes over the rafters for the lights and setting up the pulley system, done with the handlebars of the spinny thing (kinda missed what the tape was for, but at least I knew it was there), water jugs to weigh down Arei, scuffs on the floor indicating a struggle to subdue Arei before hanging her, and while the exact method of stopping the fall was a bit different, using a stopper rope is similar enough to tying a knot that I’m willing to give myself partial credit.

I still stand by the fact that, at the time, it was unreasonable to assume Ace could have picked up the tape. Yes, it’s what happened; doesn’t mean that it seemed horrendously unlikely with what we had at the time. Still, once Ace was officially brought up as a suspect in Ep14, I’m going to give myself partial credit for last-minute switching (sort of I was only suspecting Ace over Eden by a hair) to the real culprit and figuring out the slingshot trick alongside the aforementioned Reddit user.

So, I’ll say I passed! Am I bragging? Maybe. Deal it.

You truly were magnificent, DRDT CH2 case. I shall never forget you for as long as I live.

If you made it this far, congrats. Now let us cry together, for our favorite horse boy is about to leave us forever… after he says his secret quote (which is probably next episode) and the Bonus Episode with Mai hopefully.

(Dammit it that means we still won’t get context on the Eden Mai quote I was kinda looking forward to that T_T)

Thanks for reading! Bye!

[saintslewis]

❝ 𝐂𝐇𝐔𝐑𝐂𝐇 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 ❞

𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐀𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐄: 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐒 - 𝐋𝐇𝟒𝟒

pairing: sir lewis hamilton x fem!oc

summary: we’re still in america 🗣️ . let’s party with nadia, shall we?

warnings: outfit descriptions, cussing, social media environment, slight jealousy, typos, links to tag are down below and let me know if you want to be tagged in this series!

saint’s team radio 🎀: let’s not talk about how long overdue this chapter is, okay? 🫶🏽 hope you guys enjoy and i hope y’all missed Lewdia as much as i did!

pls like, comment and reblog!

fc: @/unclewaffles_ on ig!

pic cred: pinterest. dividers: @cafekitsune

-

With the jingle of the house keys, the pair laughed into the night as Nadia carried her heeled boots in her hand. Lewis held onto her as she was on his back, his kind self offering to carry her since they left the arena.

"Out of all the songs they could've used, why'd they choose old school Drake when we showed up on the jumbotron?" She chuckled, removing the last of her tears of laughter with her thumb. "Nah, I'm still on the baby who wouldn't let go of you during halftime. Your jewellery was like the most interesting toy ever." He smiled at the memory, someone randomly handing Nadia their baby and started taking pictures.

"I don't think I'll ever get used to that many cameras around me. The kids back at work are gonna have so much to say.” She admitted, watching the large front door open up and the entry hall greeted them. Nadia tapped his shoulder and he took that as sign to let her get on the ground. “Thank you for the piggy back ride, Sir.” She smiled and turned on her secret sock covered heel to enter the house.

He’ll never admit how much he loves when she calls him sir. Maybe one day he will, maybe he won’t.

Although sad that Roscoe wasn’t there to greet them due to him getting to be with his other dog friends, Nadia pushed that to the back of her mind and thought of her Gucci sandals for the comfort of her feet. “If we ever go anywhere where you know i’ll be cheering, please remind me to take my sandals with me.” She said out loud, slowly heading upstairs when an idea popped into her head.

The night was barely over and ending it so awkwardly didn’t sit well with Nadia.

“I have a feeling that you’re plotting something.” He stated, standing still waiting to hear what she could possibly come up with.

“Would you be up for ice cream right now?” She smiled while turning around to face him from the bottom stairs.

“At this time? Wouldn’t most shops be closed by now?” Lewis asked, confused by the idea but he knew he didn’t want to decline it.

“We could take a drive to find out,” The smile on her face was mischievous. “The night is way too young for us to come back from a game and sit in the house in silence.” She continued.

After a beat of silence, he had made his decision. “Let’s go change and you’re driving.” Lewis gave in. He felt it was right to let Nadia lead such activities, getting her used to such a busy lifestyle.

She walked out of the guest room with a basic athle-leisure romper and the same simple gold jewellery from earlier and her uggs were hugging her feet. “Hey Lew? Do you have a hoodie I could borrow?” She called out as she reached his room door that wasn’t closed all the way. Although not answering her, he walked out with a hoodie that smelled exactly like him, seemingly from Dior. Only written “CD” on the top left of the hoodie and just like she preferred all her hoodies, it was oversized.

“Dior? Are you crazy? I could stain this.”

“We have a laundry room downstairs, Nads. I could always buy another one and the whole store for you.” He slightly smirked.

“If that’s not the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.” She jokingly put her hand on her chest and they burst into laughter a few seconds after.

Sitting in the almost empty ice cream shop, Sweet Oasis, the two were on their second sugarcone bowl of their respective ice cream flavours. Nadia with cookies and cream and Lewis with vegan vanilla. The first round of desserts were deemed free by the all too excited cashier who was a big fan of Lewis.

“So in hindsight, Mission 44 is to help uplift the youth into STEM spaces including f1. Man, that’s so cool and to hear it growing so fast makes me feel proud.” Nadia nodded as she played around with her ice cream.

“Thank you, I really want to expand even further in different countries such as Brazil and surprise surprise, South Africa.” He chuckled at her face once mentioning her country of origin. “You’re already in my good books, Sir. Once you meet my friends and Rea then maybe you’ll be in the top five.” Nadia smiled, biting down on the wooden spoon.

“What are your friends like? Feel like I have to prep myself to meet them.” Lewis joked by moving his shoulders around. “They’re really cool and incredibly funny. They tried their best to make me famous but looks like I did that all by myself.” She teased.

Taking another bite of the ice cream, she spoke again. “The boys will try and intimidate you, especially Chunks and Filly. The girls will be welcoming, just always bring chocolate with you.” Nadia informed him, smiling at the thought of her friends.

“Then Rea is like my child although she’s my cousin. She’s gonna stay with my mom while she finishes year 12 but I think I might just take her in, I miss her too much.” She said, not wanting to let him know all about the tension with her mom just yet.

Looking at the McLaren that Nadia drove to the ice cream shop, Lewis could tell that she wanted to switch topics because of the tone in her voice and her completely avoiding eye contact with him.

“Do you want to talk about something else?” He asked and all she did was nod. She mouthed a thank you to him afterwards, feeling herself become safe with him. “So we’ve got quite the week ahead of us. Rhode, Hailey Bieber’s skin company, is hosting a party and we were invited.” He spoke.

“You wanna give me a heart attack or something, dude? I’m gon’ be around the Biebers? I still haven’t recovered from Beyoncé!” She replied, whispering the last words to him so that the few people around them wouldn’t be able to hear them.

He grinned at her reaction, her dramatic excitement along with her smile that she would always try hide would always make him feel something in his heart. He didn’t want to think that far. Lewis wouldn’t allow himself to think that far.

“Then the big news that Tia shouted at me to tell you is that we’re going to a Versace event in Cannes on Tuesday I think. Then it’s the Monaco gp which is a spectacle on its own.” He informed then chuckled at her putting her head in her hands.

“Your surprises are going to send me to the hospital one day, what do you mean Versace? That’s like a lifelong dream for me, dude.” She expressed, not sure whether to feel excited about experiencing all of these things or terrified for the busy schedule.

Finishing the last of his ice cream, he pushed the cup to the side and held out both his hands towards Nadia. Taking the sign to put her hands in his, he held them tightly. “Are we bout to pray right now? It’s a little too late for that, the ice cream’s done.” Nadia joked, looking i between their hands and his face.

“Nads.” Lewis started. “Sorry, serious stuff now.” The man couldn’t resist the smile on his face as she joked around, revealing more of her personality to him.

“My life gets incredibly busy, even I get exhausted. So, you don’t have to be everywhere with me. It would be cool to see how you do things while we’re at all these events but you need your time to yourself, y’know?” He continued.

Nodding her head, she spoke up. “Yeah no, I get you. It’ll take some time to get used to everything and I don’t mind the travelling, you’re cool to be…around. Pookie, we gotta go.” Nadia’s eyes were concentrated on whatever was going on behind Lewis.

“Don’t look back, they’ll know we’re watching them. Let’s just get up and go to the car.” Nadia said, still holding his hands and she put on a smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

And as she said, the pair stood up and threw away their trash, saying goodbye to the worker whilst ignoring the flashes from the large window shops. She lifted her hood before walking out the door that Lewis opened for her and the flashes tripled. Looking at her husband, he already had his sunglasses on and dug in his pocket to give her the car keys.

Once in the McLaren, the car front was surrounded by the paparazzi but the tinted windshield gave them a little bit of privacy. In the driver’s seat, Nadia took out her phone and connected her phone to the car after igniting the engine. “Have you heard of Amapiano?” She asked him, watching him get comfortable being the passenger.

“Uh, kinda. Why?”

“Wanna take a lil drive and listen to it?” And there was her mischievous smile once again. Before he could get his answer out, different beats started playing until the beat started to flow and the artist started singing in a different language that Nadia clearly knew very well.

Rolling down the windows a bit, she reversed the supercar and drove off, leaving the paparazzi speechless.

-

nadiahamilton

liked by lilymhe, nataliatheedon and 484,828 others

nadiahamilton rhode ready &lt;3

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loriharvey i’m actually obsessed with you, i can’t wait to meet you

nadiahamilton i’m too excited

lewishamilton you’re so welcome for me curling the back of your head

nadiahamilton sleep with one eye open, pookie 🫶🏽

user blasting amapiano at night while driving to you is cool?

nadiahamilton it’s one of the best things i’ve ever done

user it’s just unnecessary publicity

nadiahamilton you wanted to be in the car with me, didn’t you?

justineskye your face card is insane, i’m hyperventilating

nadiahamilton that’s all you 🥹

user mother

user it’s still weird that you guys are here praising a woman who spawned out of nowhere

user like why is no one talking about this???

user it’s very simple. they’re married and she’s only showing herself to the public now

haileybieber i want to be your mirror, just stare at you forever

lewishamilton that’s what i’m there for!

beyonce 💗

user WAIT WAITTTT HOW TF

user THERE’S NO WAY BEYONCÉ COMMENTED

user NADIA YOU BETTER SPILL

nataliatheedon 5,6,7 what?!

amarawinston ATEEEE

charlotteparks my friend is so super stunning

nadiahamilton awww you guysss 🤭

user idk what he sees in her, she barely is dressed

yungfilly come back to the UK nads, it isn’t the same ☹️

nadiahamilton i willllll, i’m just doing stuff with my husband 😝

chunkz tell him to come back as well 🫵🏽

lewishamilton 👋🏾

chunkz ay big ups brotha, the champion 🙏🏽

nadiahamilton chunkz pls 😭😭😭

user does anyone know if she’s got a studio for styling??

user i actually don’t know if she does

centralcee not yet, she works through emails and shit

user and how tf would YOU know

ajshabeel alr, pack it up cench 😐

user WHAT’S THE BEEF? THE GIRLS ARE FIGHTING

user please come back home to south africa 🇿🇦

nadiahamilton ofc i will 🥹

versace 🪩💗

-

“How do you do that? So easily too?” Lewis questioned as he read through her instagram comments. The way she casually spoke to everyone as if they were long time friends was absolutely fascinating to watch.

“It’s a technique I learned from my kids. I always want them to be comfortable in class especially when it’s a tough topic like post-Renaissance.” She shrugged her shoulders like it was nothing and continued to fluff her hair a bit more.

The two, coincidentally, were matching in colours. Nadia’s corset wasn’t too tight but it complimented her jewellery and she felt comfortable wearing such short shorts because the high top Rick Owen sneakers were just the right fit. Her Dior saddle bag sat next to her as they rode in the back of the Escalade.

And of course, they were both wearing their grillz.

“Thank you for introducing me to Amapiano fully. I can’t get any of the songs out of my head.” He said, constantly bouncing his hands on his legs to whatever beat he was thinking of. “It’s addictive! I told you, sthandwa.” She smiled softly but didn’t see him whip his head towards her.

“…What?”

“Oh! It’s a term of endearment from South Africa, it means ‘love’ then sthandwa sami is like my love. Just like how you brits say love.” Nadia explained. Lewis definitely heard everything she said but he was hooked on how she said it. If he thought that hearing songs with her native language was addictive, he could most definitely get used to hearing her speak it.

“Just to clarify, it’s Zulu. Whereas in Sotho, it’s something completely different. Don’t worry, I’ll teach you so that you don’t fuck up when we go to sa.” She chuckled but then stopped in her tracks.

“That’s if we do ever visit, don’t want to be too forward.”

“Of course we’re going to South Africa, are you kidding? I feel like I’ve just discovered a whole new world.” Lewis assured, basically jumping in excitement.

“What have I created?” Nadia joked to herself.

-

Although she knew that this was Hailey’s event and she knew that it was going to be full, Nadia didn’t expect it to be this full.

Leaning into Lewis as they walked through the crowd of paparazzi and hired photographers, she turned to him a little more. “I feel severely underdressed with my sneakers.” She worried. “You look amazing though, your feet are still not fully healed from yesterday right?” Lewis asked as discreet as possible.

“I mean I knew damn that I wasn’t going to wear heels because of yesterday.” She replied, waving to the photographer calling her and Lewis’ name. All of this was very weird. It felt weird to just be called by paparazzi.

“Exactly, so you’re cool. As long as you feel comfortable and you feel good, then I’m good.” He reassured her.

Before she could answer, they had reached the door and there was a girl standing with cocktails on the tray she was holding. They thanked her but politely declined to it and entered and the atmosphere inside was lively.

The colour scheme for Rhode was beige and other earthy colours which fit the aesthetic perfectly of the decor of the event. Sow r&b music was playing quite loudly while everyone in attendance was talking amongst themselves. As soon as her and Lewis stepped foot inside, many people’s attention went to him and Nadia.

Squeezing his hand a bit tighter, Nadia and Lewis made eye contact and he slightly relaxed because she looked calm but obviously a little nervous.

“Oh my God! The Hamiltons are here!” Someone shouted in a singsong voice and as Nadia was trying to identify who was that, Hailey Bieber and Lori Harvey appeared right in front of them with the the biggest smile on their faces. “Oh my goodness, welcome to Rhode! I’m so excited to see you guys and,” Hailey gasped as she took a look at Nadia.

“Nadia! You’re so beautiful, whoa. Where are my manners? I’m Hailey!” “And I’m Lori and girl, I was serious when I said i’m obsessed with you.” They introduced themselves and their smiles were damn near blinding. “It’s nice to meet you guys, this is exciting.” She smiled, grateful that they couldn’t see how nervous she was.

“Okay okay so let’s go take pictures now then I’ll introduce the products then we party!” Hailey said all too enthusiastically. In all of this, Lewis watched as Nadia interact so gracefully with the same people she was nervous to meet and he couldn’t help but feel proud of her and how she handled everything.

After taking photos with everyone and meeting Justine who damn near fainted at seeing Nadia in front of her, they were seated on their own little table just like everyone and were served hors d’oeuvres during the presentation of the skincare brand.

“How are you feeling?” Lewis leaned in and whispered as one of the products were being shown.

“I’m good, feeling much better. Wasn’t expecting so much love from the girls today.” She leaned over to him as well, careful to not make a noise for other guests.

“I knew they’d love you. And maybe you work with them in the future?” He mentioned, noticing her head resting on his shoulder so he moved a little closer where she could be more comfortable.

“When I get my own studio or truly advertise myself to such a crowd.” She replied. He nodded and she felt it, making her smile a little. “I have the strongest of feelings that there’s an after party when this is all done.” Nadia said, slightly lifting her head to look around the crowd that looked it was ready to party.

“Yup, it’s at their house. It’s like 5 minutes away from home so whenever you want to leave, we can.” And there go the butterflies in her stomach.

-

Walking into the Bieber’s home and seeing how it came alive, Nadia felt like she was in a movie. People who she always thought she would be lucky to see in person were introducing themselves to her and greeted her husband with the most excitement she’s ever seen.

After ‘settling in’ and finding a designated sitting spot to come back to from the dance floor, Nadia could be seen having the time of her life singing lyrics to the group of girls she met earlier including Jordyn Woods. The music shifted from hiphop to Afrobeats and the energy in the whole room was ignited.

Random people that she didn’t know started partying with her and hyped her up after each song. Once Amapiano started rolling in, all eyes were on her as she was dancing but didn’t want to use all her energy. With only a shot in her system, she started feeling rather thirsty and knew that it was time to go sit with her.

As she walked towards their table, she watched as Lewis danced in his seat at the song she was playing earlier in the day. “Now I have to take you to SA. Look at you shimmying.” She laughed as she flicked her hair back and sat next to him on the couch.

“Look at me? You were the party! Miles calls you Ms Party.” He laughed as Nadia saw where he pointed at and there was Miles and Amara but her eyes were closed. “Miles! Hey, damn it’s like i haven’t seen you in forever!” She greeted, opening the water bottle that Lewis saved for her. “And what’s up with Amara? Is she good?”

“I just got here with Amara and she ate two edibles on the way so she’s sleepy.” He smiled, not moving much as Amara was laying on him. “And Abel says hi.” Lewis said, tapping Nadia’s shoulder to catch his attention.

“Abel? As in Abel ‘The Weeknd’?” Nadia asked, gulping her water down as soon as she realised. All Lewis did was nod and just smile at her, their faces quite close already.

“Damn. Let me go find Justine, she got chocolate for me somewhere-” Nadia’s sentence was cut off short because she stood up and bumped into someone. She was still close to the table so she held onto the small table for balance.

Looking up, she saw a tall white man with a very obnoxious smile and recognised his face to be Jack Harlow. “Oh damn, I’m sorry, Ma. I really should watch where I’m going.” Jack apologised, reaching for her left hand and held it in her hand to hold in between his hands.

With her eyebrows furrowed and her eyes watching this man’s actions, she didn’t bother to answer him. “Don’t you feel the ring on my hand?” She fired at him with all lifted brow.

“You’ve got rings all over your hands and by the way, they’re quite soft, damn.” He straightened up his posture to feel on her hand even more. “What’s your name, Ma?” Jack asked with a dopey smile.

Feeling a hand circle her entire waist, she felt her body being pulled down and landed on something that didn’t feel like the couch. Looking down, Nadia was sat on Lewis’ lap. His lap and his hand was still on her waist quite securely.

“Go on, say your name love. He wants to know.” Lewis’ husky voice traveled through your ears and brought chills down your spine.

“Nadia Hamilton.” She managed to get out, shimmying her hand out of Jack’s hold to formally shake his hand. The white man’s face dropped at the sight in front of him. He really tried to flirt with a legendary f1 driver’s wife.

All Jack could muster up the strength to do was nod. “I’ll catch y’all later, it was nice meeting you guys.” He pursed his lips together and walked away.

Turning her head towards Lewis’ face, she resisted the urge to smirk. Deciding to be a little messy, she made herself comfortable on his lap and moved a bit, feeling an even tighter squeeze on her waist.

“You’re gonna be jealous of a lil white boy?” She teased but his smirk could not be wiped off his face. “Never that, Mrs Hamilton.” He responded, knowing he succeeded because she looked away as she was blushing.

“I’m so happy I was awake to see that.” Amara whispered to Miles as they watched their friends catch feelings for each other in real time.

nadiahamilton

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nadiahamilton miss party

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user i’ve never suffered from fomo like this before

user i wish i was an influencer rn

kehlani what can one do to party with you

nadiahamilton come to next week’s race 🫵🏽

kehlani already got the tickets 😝

fencer MISS PARTY 🗣️🗣️

nadiahamilton is this nickname going to stick?

spinzbeatinc you know it!

haileybieber you’re so much fun ily

nadiahamilton ily!!

loriharvey is this a sign to take a girl’s trip to sa?

justineskye i hope so!

ryandestiny can i come? it looked so fun

jordynwoods i’ve already got my bags PACKED

theestallion count me in, i’ll get to know you on the plane ride baby 😝

lewishamilton sthandwa sami 🕺🏽💗

nadiahamilton 😚🫶🏽

user HOW DOES HE KNOW ZULU???

user he’s got a Zulu wife bro

user this is so shocking to see 😭

user this better be a public holiday when they come over

niko now come back and party with us

nadiahamilton can you give me like a week?

ohnosharky this needs a celebration

nellarose_ Nadia’s homecoming if you will!

kingkennytv ‼️‼️‼️

student now you HAVE to spill the tea with us in class

nadiahamilton ugh fine 🙄

amarawinston 🪩🪩🪩🪩

user i was a server at the rhode event and omg you’re gorgeous in real life 😭

nadiahamilton thank you my angel 🤍

user i was a server too and since nobody’s saying it, you’ve got an ASS on you ma’am (i’m a girl)

nadiahamilton tears thank you 🤭

saint’s team radio 🎀 (once again): my fingers hurt from typing. Hope you enjoyed! Lewdia rises once again!

tags: new post

[zarla-s]

How do you decide when to use Spamtons little speech quirk and what to have him say? Your writing for him feels so natural!

Spamton’s speech pattern is surprisingly tricky! It has a lot of weird little things to it, haha. I’m glad you think I’m doing a good job though. :D Generally I try to keep in mind a few things for him...

Spamton misspells things a lot, but not always in the same way (with exceptions). He also likes substituting numbers for letters, usually in words that get caught in a spam filter to try to get around it but not always. ( [[Amazed at thi5 amazing transformation?]],  NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING AB04T! ,  SOMEONE LEFT [There] SOULS, [Lyeing Around......] ,  YOU FILLED YOUR [Inventorium] WITH [Half-Pr1ce Sallamy],  AND THE [Number on theB4ck]!,  [Unforgettable D3als] ,  [Pr3mIUm luxjerry w4tch] )

When Spamton takes over the narration or influences it, he still misspells things. (CONGRULATIONS YOU ARE THE 100th VISITOR!!! )

Spamton is bad at tenses and mixes them up a lot. This is one of the most endearing things to me for some reason, haha.  ( I'M SO [Proud] OF YOU, I COULD [Killed] YOU! ,  I HAVE [Becomed] NEO. ,  MY ESTEEM CUSTOMER, THAT GUY [Steal my look]!! OKAY, MAYBE HE [Steal]ed BACK WHAT I TOOK FROM HIM, WE WILL ALSO [Divorced] )

He messes up pluralization or grammar related to it at times. ( HOTSINGLE, 100 CUSTOMER, AN [Valuable Item])

He actually swears a fair amount but it’s usually censored. ( YOU'RE [$!$!] RIGHT! , DEALS SO GOOD I'LL [$!$$] MYSELF!,  [$!?!] THE PRESSES! )

His capitalization in his bracket words/phrases is inconsistent and he spells things wrong in them at times as well. He usually capitalizes the first word though. ( [[A LimiTed Time Only!]] , [[Designed BY The Classics]],  [[ Sucbscrube ]] ,  THEN [[WHY]] GO TO A DUMPSTER!!! , YOU'VE GOT THE [[LIGHT.]] , [ succumb to the worm ],  SO HAVE I GOT A DEAL THAT'S [sweet Sunday creme] TO ANY SELF RESPECTING [Ball Nut]! , [fluffey] ,  [Pracitce]).

His capitalization in general is kind of all over the place. ( LIGHT nER! HEY-HE Y HEY!!!,  THat'll be 1997 KROMER.,  ENL4RGE Yourself,  I USED TO be A BIG SHOT. ,  I WOn'T FORCE YOU. ,  It's still DARK... SO DARK! )

He gets the verb in sentences wrong at times or has too many/too few words in a phrase.  ( HEAR THOSE [Balloons]???,  [Cool down with a]!!!,  [Wake up and the smell the] MY DEAD CARCASS!!! ) His grammar also gets wonky, especially with the tricky homophones like your/you’re or their/there/they’re. ( YOUR A BIGSHOT!! ,  WELL LET THIS BE A [Email] ,  SHOW OFF YOU'RE [Big Shot] )

He sometimes doesn’t finish a sentence at all, or leaves a blank space. ( BUY [KeyGen] FROM ME AT [The Low Low Price Of] ,  MEANWHILE I CAN [sneak out the back] AND, [Hurry now]!!! [Blink] AND YOU'LL MISS      !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ,  THAT'S WHY THEY'RE COMING TO [kill] ME RIGHT NOW. THEY'RE COMING TO ). Sometimes he just says one or two words or sentence fragments. (MONEY NO, KEYGEN) He likes repeating unfinished sentences as well, usually when he’s worked up about something. ( THE MEN INSIDE WOULD THE MEN INSIDE WOULD , I'LL GET SO. I'LL GET SO. )

He uses periods to emphasize certain parts of a sentence and sometimes he just leaves brackets or carets or other punctuation in his speech. ( YOU'RE  LIGHT neR< AREN'T YOU? , GO BACK. AND PUT. THE DISK. BACK. WHERE YOU GOT IT. ).

Sometimes he has spaces in the middle of words or in the wrong places ( DID YOU HAVE AN YMORE?,  I'M A SALESMAN   ,  ). Sometimes it’s just a mess in general ( DOESN;T IT?KID? ), and sometimes he likes to combine words ( [HonestMan] ,  [handsomeGuy] ).

My general approach to this is just to keep any typos I make while doing his dialogue lol.

He drops out of caps usually when he’s scared or thoughtful (not accounting for after his battle), and usually when he’s thinking about Mike.

A fair amount of his substitutions are vaguely threatening or allude to some kind of violence or suffering. He mentions death, dying, and screaming a lot, usually in unexpected contexts ( PRICES SO LOW, EVERYONE I KNOW IS [[Dead]]!!!,  VACATIONING IN [Burning acid] , NOW I'M THE [[It Burns! Ow! Stop! Help Me! It Burns!]] GUY! ).

Sometimes these threats are relevant warnings if you know what he’s up to ( TAKE THIS DEAL AND YOU WILL [[Die]]!! IT'S THAT GOOD!!!,  [Die Now] AND I'LL THROW IN [50] [Bullets] FOR FREE!,  THIS IS [One Purchase] YOU WILL [Regret] FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE! ). There’s always a sort of “off” vibe to him that makes him feel a little dangerous.

As an aside, Spamton talks about people beating him up a lot.

He likes turning phrases about refunds into non-refunds, haha ( [No Money Back Guaranttee] ). He’ll sometimes just admit outright he’s trying to scam you ( HOW'S AN INNOCENT GUY LIKE ME SUPPOSED TO [Rip People Off] , [What's yours is mine] AND [What's yours is mine]. ).

He’s extremely excited and shouting almost all the time, so he very rarely has only one exclamation point about anything. Usually it’s three but it can go higher. Just go ham on the exclamation points lol.

[[Hyperlink blocked.]]  is a tricky one. He does use it a lot, but the context for it is hard to pin down. Usually it relates to things like souls, what it is that’s controlling him or what it wants, or how exactly he wants to escape it. Other times it’s sort of privileged or secret information that would be caught by a filter and blocked, or it’s some scammy thing or another that’d be blocked for user safety. Usually it’s something that someone wouldn’t want the player to know.

He does use sales pitch, adspeak, or internet slang substitutions a lot, ( [Friend Request Accepted] , [[Anything You See On TV!]],  [[Workout-Ready Body]],  [Luxurious Basement Apartment] , [[Pass My Savings Onto You!]] )  but not all the time! A lot of his substitutions are single words, usually on an odd tangent to the original word or just unusual in general ( [Deep Abyss] , YOUR [[Ant-sized]] [[Rapidly-shrinking]] LIFE!! , [Wacky Stacks] , [Little Nipper], LIKE MANY [buzzing] AND [burning] CREATORS,  GET OUT YOUR CYBER [skin wallets] ).

Sometimes they’re just a normal word in the sentence ( YOU GOT [Guts] KID!! , [Part] OF MY BEAUTIFUL [Heart], LOOK IN MY [Eyes] LOOK IN MY [Nose] LOOK IN MY [Mouth] ).

I tend to think about his substitutions a bit like the Orz, where a substituted word has alternate or deeper meaning than you’d think BECAUSE it was substituted. By [LIGHT], did Spamton literally mean light, or does light have another connotation to it he’s adding that’s not clear? I like thinking of the substitutions adding a potential multiple meaning layers to a word, haha. Maybe he can’t help it, or maybe that particular word is hinting at something more...

He can say full sentences without any substitutions in them, but they’re rare ( WHAT ARE THESE STRINGS!? ,  YOU'RE LEAVING!? WHAT ABOUT MY DISK!?!? , TOO MANY EXCESS VACATION DAYS?? TAKE A GOD DAMN VACATION STRAIGHT TO HELL, I GAVE YOU EVERYTHING I HAD! MY LIFE ADVICE! , BUT KRIS, IF YOU REFUSE. THAT'S YOUR CHOICE. I CAN'T FORCE YOU.). Interestingly, they often involve him saying he can’t force Kris to do something, something he says over and over and over. He seems very preoccupied with it.

[kyberblade]

Back To You (Din x Reader) - Part 17

A/N: This is a heavy one! I channeled my own feelings heavily near the end and I have no regrets. I said what I said. But there is also an inordinate amount of fluff, so…. Do with that what you will. We’re coming up on the end. 😔 Just a handful of chapters left. But don’t worry! I still have allllll sorts of shenanigans planned for these three in the sequels that will follow shortly, so we won’t be without them for long. 😁 I can’t believe we’ve come this far! 🥹 I’m so sorry this chapter took me so long, I was avoiding it because…. Well…. You’ll see. (Also, once again, there is some lore in this that @writerlyhabits wrote in a fantastic short, and I loved it so much, I asked if I could use it.)

(This takes place right where the other one left off and goes to the end of episode 2x6/14, The Tragedy.)

I do not own Star Wars or it’s characters. Sadly. But I carry them in my heart. Does that count for something? My soul says yes.

Warnings: Tooth rotting fluff, Grogu being the cutest thing you ever did see, and Din is once again a warning in and of himself in this one. Typical show violence. Swearing. Space swearing. Grogu is a menace. Arguing? Mando’a. Show dialogue, so spoilers? (But if you’re here, you know how this works.) Lots of angst. Tears. Some canon divergence that has been planned from day one. And I’ve been told to add “emotional damage” as a warning by my beta. 😂🤣 (I’ve read over this so many times, but I’m sure I’ve missed something in the typo department. Any mistakes are my own.)

Word count: 15,303 (I said what I said.)

As always, thanks to @grippingbeskar for encouraging me, looking over this for me, and being the one to introduce me to Din fanfiction in the first place, getting me hooked. You are fantastic and I always love our chats.

Thank you to @fordo-kixed-rex for your endless hours helping me over goodness knows how long since I started this, for going over the probably 75 iterations of this chapter this past week alone, and for reading this over for me and letting me know I’m not crazy.

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Xxx

You woke up on the Crest, stretching as much as you could in the tiny bunk compartment. The lights were set to dim, giving you just enough light to see in the small area. Glancing over your shoulder, you saw you were alone, no beskar to keep you company. A quick look up showed the hammock empty as well. 

Furrowing your brows, you pushed up onto your palms, leaning on them heavily as you tried to fully wake up. Wiggling your fingers, you smiled, the plush feel of the new bed roll beneath you bringing back thoughts of a grumbling Din lugging it onto the Crest before you left Coruscant a little over a day ago. 

“I told you I would, didn’t I?” He mumbled, pulling the old mat out as he threw the new one into the bunk, the soft thud it made on impact an anticlimactic end to his brief tantrum.

“You did,” hands on your hips, you mused quietly with a nod, watching as he slit the straps keeping it bound tight with a knife he kept in his boot.

“Now what do we do with the….” Turning, Din sighed when he found Grogu sitting on the old bed roll, cooing happily. “….old one.”

“Is it really such a bad thing that the Crest has a little more padding?” You asked carefully, leaning toward him slightly. The tilt of his helmet was not amused. “I mean, we do have some bumpy landings….”

Din simply stared at you for a long moment, in which you tried not to break, a smile fighting desperately to crawl up your face and reflect in his visor. In the end, you won, when he turned away before you cracked, stomping up the ladder and into the cockpit.

Scooping up the child, you began that way as well. “Come on, kid. We have places to go.” The engines roared to life. “Jedi to meet.” You set him on the floor of the cockpit when you were high enough on the ladder before pulling yourself the rest of the way up. “Seeing stones to…. See.”

Din snorted. “Oh, that’s nice.”

“What?” You plopped into your seat, watching the child scramble up into his.

“Very eloquently put.”

You scoffed. “I’d like to see you do better.”

“When the time comes, I will.”

“No, now.”

He huffed out a laugh. “I’m not going after that. ‘Seeing stone to…. See.’ Come on.” He shook his head in amusement, going about the rest of the take off sequence.

“It's because you're afraid. Can’t top that, can you?” Smiling smugly, you fastened the safety belt.

“It’s only up from here,” he mused quietly, making you freeze and glare at the back of his head as he began to lift the ship up off the ground.

Grogu giggled from his seat, letting out a squeal as he clapped his hands. 

“I feel ganged up on,” you grumbled, slumping back in your seat, arms crossed over your chest. 

“Then have better jokes.”

Narrowing your eyes at the back of his helmet, you could just see his shoulders shaking gently from suppressed laughter. “Watch it, Tin Can.”

Making your way to the ladder leading to the cockpit, you smiled at the muted sound of Din’s voice drifting down through the hatch, Grogu’s soft coos dotted here and there.

Pausing at the bottom, one hand resting on a rung by your head, you waited and listened.

“Grogu.” Din’s modulated voice was the lightest you’d heard in a while. It lilted slightly like he was almost playing with the child.

The kid must have looked up, making Din chuckle before another moment passed and he said the name again with even more mirth to his tone. “Grogu?”

Another soft laugh came from the Mandalorian, Grogu babbling softly for a moment before Din started in again. “Give me the ball.” The kid made a sound of refusal, the rustling of fabric telling you he twisted away, pulling it from his guardian. “Grogu, give me the ball. Come on.” In the silence that followed, a quiet, pleased grunt came from Din when Grogu must have handed it to him. You could clearly picture the man in beskar holding it up teasingly just out of the kids reach. Suppressing a chuckle with a roll of your eyes, but unable to stop the smirk crawling up your face, you leaned your temple against the back of your hand on the ladder rung. “Okay, here we go. You can have it, just like before. Grogu, come on. You can have it. Come on.” A moment of silence before a louder, almost excited, “Dank farrik!”

Your eyes went wide, the child letting out a startled squawk, and you started to scramble up the ladder, stopping below the lip of the hatch, just out of sight, when Din began to backtrack. “Hey, no. I’m not mad at you. You did good.” He sighed heavily, his voice quieting. “I just…. When the nice lady said you had training, I just….” 

When he sighed again, you climbed the last few rungs to peek over the edge of the opening, watching the scene unfold. 

Din was looking at Grogu from the pilot’s chair, gently handing him back his silver ball from where it sat in the child’s lap. “You’re very special, kid. We’re gonna find that place you belong and they’re gonna take real good care of you.” 

As he slowly turned back to look out the viewport, you smiled sadly. It wasn’t what he had said, it’s what he hadn’t. The implied meaning behind his words of the kid belonging anywhere other than with him…. And that he truly believed it, too. At least on some level. No matter how many times you told him the kid looked at him like he was the world, whatever was speaking right now was louder, and the voice Din ended up listening to in the end. You wanted to wrap that voice up with your whipcord and throw it out the back of the ship on the next backwater planet you landed on. You could do that now. Din had finally showed you how it worked.

“This is Tython,” he went on, obviously avoiding the subject. You set your forehead against the back of your hand on the top rung of the ladder, listening as he continued. “That’s where we’re gonna try and find you a Jedi. But you have to agree to go with them if they want you to. Understand?” Lifting up just enough to watch them again, you saw the child looking up at Din curiously, still fumbling his ball distractedly as he listened. The Mandalorian was still looking out the viewport pointedly, keeping his face forward, his shoulders tense. “Plus, I can’t train you. You’re too powerful. Don’t you wanna learn more of that Jedi stuff?”

That made your gut sink. You knew he needed a real Jedi, which you were not, but it still stung every time. You’d meditated with the kid, bonded, had conversations of sorts, and the thought of that just…. Going away…. Hurt. Swiping at an unexpected tear as it fell, you turned your attention back on your two favorite beings in the galaxy.

“I agreed to take you back to your own kind, so that’s what I need to do. You understand, right?”

Making your presence known by taking the last few rungs of the ladder with heavy footfalls, you climbed the rest of the way up into the cockpit, watching as Din’s shoulders relaxed a bit, but his head sat up straighter. Stepping up behind his chair, you set a hand on his shoulder.

Keeping your voice soft, you smiled fondly down at him as you spoke. “Who are you trying to convince, him or yourself?”

He didn’t answer.

Giving his shoulder a gentle squeeze, you changed the subject. “Did you get any sleep?”

Din nodded. “I did.”

“How much? We haven’t been flying that long….”

After a moment of silence he finally said, “Enough.”

Sensing the exchange between him and Grogu still hanging over his head, you leaned forward, wrapping your arms around his neck to rest on his chestplate, and setting your chin on his pauldron. Turning to look at him as best you could this close, you spoke lowly close to his ear. “Well, I slept great. Thank you for the new bed roll.”

He nodded, but you felt him relaxing under your touch, so you went on. “I appreciate you, you know that, right?” His head turned just slightly to try and look at you, but you were too close, so he took a hand off the controls and brought it up to gently grab your wrists, slowly moving his thumb back and forth in absent patterns on your skin. 

“Whatever ends up happening with the kid, will be because of you, Din.” His thumb slowed for a second before resuming its pace. “You got him out, you’ve taken care of him, he’s learned from you. Already. No matter how powerful.”

You went to stand up, but his grip on your wrists tightened, holding you to him. Smiling, you cinched your arms a little bit tighter as you sighed, turning your face more into his neck.

“No matter what happens with him, whatever he becomes…. It will all be because of you. It all comes back to you.”

Xxx

Scrubbing at you vambrace, you sat in the main hull, the dull beeps of the Crest as it orbited Tython the only sound.

Grogu had decided that a particularly messy ration pack was his next victim, and when you’d tried to wrestle it out of his grip, the sludge had poured down the beskar protecting your forearm. Clambering down the ladder, you’d dashed to the refresher to rinse your glove of the goo, hanging it on a hook to let the leather dry. 

Now you sighed as you got back to your feet from the crate you were perched atop, trudging back into the refresher and slouching over the sink as you rinsed the metal off as best you could, wiping it down thoroughly with a cloth you’d found in a toolbox near the crate and dampened with water. 

“Everything come off?”

You startled at the voice, shooting up straight to your full height, your head thumping on a low hanging cabinet in the cramped space.

Rubbing it with a wince, you glared at your beskar companion’s reflection in the mirror as he leaned on the door frame easily, arms crossed over his chest as if nothing had happened.

“Don’t do that,” you hissed. “How many times do I have to-”

“At least a few more,” he mumbled in amusement, shifting his weight as he adjusted where his shoulder leaned into the frame. “Everything-”

“Yeah, it’s all coming off,” you groused, turning your attention back to scrub at the vambrace with extra vengeance. “At least it wasn’t something with jogan fruit in it. Then I would have to paint these,” you teased, smirking. “Have you ever met a purple Mando?”

“There’s a first for everything,” he shrugged, his voice easy, almost lazy.

“Hmmm,” you narrowed your eyes at him in amusement. “But then I wouldn’t match you. How would that make you feel?” Grabbing the scarf Vanth had given you on Tatooine out of your back pocket to dry off the armor, you turned to face Din, a smirk climbing your face. “Admit it. You like people knowing we’re-”

“We’re what?” He cut in, angling his head down to hold your gaze as you stepped up as close to him as you could, the rest of him as still as a statue.

Looking up into his visor, you tilted your head slightly, the smile not going anywhere as you whispered, “You know.”

“I do,” he agreed, nodding before tilting his head to the side to match yours and holding your gaze again. “Do you?”

Eyes flitting back and forth on his visor, head hinged back to keep looking at him, you paused. “A group.”

“A…. A group,” he repeated after a moment, hesitantly, something sarcastic in his voice.

“Yeah. Right?”

Gently shaking his head at you after a moment, he pushed off the frame and turned back toward the hatch.

Grabbing your glove, you followed after him. “What?”

“This isn’t working for me,” he said with a sigh.

“Well maybe you aren’t working for me.”

Din rounded on you, staring at you for a long moment before he grabbed your wrist, spinning you into the ladder up to the cockpit, and crowding you into the bars until you had nowhere to go; nowhere to look but up at him, your head angled back until it thumped lightly on one of the rungs.

“Is that so?”

Leaning your head further back so you could look down your nose at him, you narrowed your eyes. “Maybe it is. Why don’t you try and find out, oh wise and brilliant Mandalorian?”

“Mmmmm….” The sound vibrated from his chest and into yours, sending a pleasant hum just under your skin from your head down to your toes. “Why do you make everything so….”

“Interesting?”

“Difficult.” His left hand came to rest on your hip, sliding around to rest on your lower back, his right still clutching the ladder up by your head, his grip adjusting slightly making the leather of his glove creak in protest.

You laughed softly. “Because otherwise our lives would be very boring,” you teased, reaching out to place your palm on his chest plate, slowly moving it up to wind into his cowl like you always did. Still gripping your vambrace and glove in your left hand, that arm snaked around his neck to pull him closer by your forearm.

When his forehead softly came to rest against yours, you both sighed, shoulders relaxing as your bodies deflated slightly, melting into the other’s warmth. The hand by your head came to rest on you cheek but quickly wound around behind your neck, threading into your hair.

“I came down here to tell you we’re about to start the landing procedure,” his voice was tight, like he really wanted to be saying something else. “But you distracted me.”

You chuckled softly. “So sorry.”

He tugged your hair gently, leaning back just enough to look you in the eyes. “Behave.”

Eyes dancing across the T of his visor, you felt the smile climbing back onto your face. “Of course.”

“I’m serious. This is for the kid. He needs- We need to find his kind.”

The rigidity was coming back into his shoulders, so you tossed the vambrace and glove to the floor, pulling his attention down toward them. He began to ask what you were doing when you placed both hands on the sides of his helmet and made him focus back on you. 

“Din. Listen to me. He’s going to be okay. You are going to be okay. This will work.”

He only nodded, a small sigh leaving his chest when you pulled his head back to yours, settling your foreheads together once again.

“Just breathe. It’ll work out. You’ll see.”

His arms around your back and neck pulled you tighter.

“I’m always right. Remember?”

He snorted out a laugh. “Yeah. Sure. Now come on, I left the kid alone in the cockpit before you distracted me. I’m surprised the ship is still in orbit and not careening toward the surface already.”

Xxx

Speeding over the surface of the planet, you watched the green of shrubs and towering red rocks whizz by. 

“Looks deserted,” you mumbled, surveying the vast sea of nothingness. If this had once been a sacred place for Jedi, it was long, long ago. Long enough for an age to grow over, covering everything in layers of dust, for plants to spread and conceal any remnants of life. “Sort of reminds me of Arvala-7.”

“Better for us,” Din mused softly, pointing at a distant mountain as the Crest approached. “Looks like that’s the magic rock I’m supposed to take you to down there.”

Grogu looked through one of the lower set windows as the ship flew over, letting out a lilting sound of awe that made you smile.

“Sorry, buddy. I can’t land on the top. Too small. Looks like we’re gonna have to travel the last stretch with the windows down.”

“With the….”

“Jet pack.”

Leaning back in your chair with your arms crossed over your chest, eyes on the profile of his visor, unamused, you stared as he turned to look at you before fiddling with the panel at his side. After a moment you mumbled, “How you still have a cape is beyond me. It should have been incinerated by your jet pack or an angry Jawa long ago.”

“It’s woven with beskar thread.”

Hesitation filled the air, a quiet pause in the conversation before you asked, “Really?” It was just absurd enough that a small part of you believed him. Very small. 

Din turned to look at you fully, his voice flat and heavily sarcastic as he tucked his chin to his chest, peering at you through the top of his visor. “What do you think?”

Realization dawned on you faster than a fathier, your face melting into annoyance. “I think you’re a pain in my ass.”

Spinning back to face the viewport with a flourish, his hands in the air after an exaggerated shove against his thighs as if it took all his effort before they came to rest softly back on the control panel, his head tilted just so. “Well good, because that’s what I was going for.”

Glaring at the back of his head, you sunk further into your chair with a huff. “Just get this ship on the ground so I can roll my eyes and walk dramatically away from you as nature intended.”

With a flick of a switch, he’d turned on autopilot, the landing sequence beginning on its own. Din turned back to face you again with another small flourish, spinning in his chair just slightly before stopping himself with his other hand, making you smile softly. It reminded you of the kid. “You’re not going to go up there with us?”

Shaking your head, you sat up straight in your chair again, stretching as you started talking. “No, I need to clean up some things here on the ship.” Relaxing back into the seat, you tucked your legs up close to your chest, wrapping your arms around them, and setting your chin on your knees while you went on. “Some old crates of rations expired and need to be tossed before they go rancid. They’ll either start to smell or the kid will eat one and he’ll get sick and that will smell.” Din chuckled at the sour expression on your face. “I don’t like either option.”

He sighed, shaking his head. “Fine. I can turn on the camera in my helmet and you can watch on the holopad. Stay in communication on our comms.”

That made you sit up straighter just a bit. “You have a camera….? What can’t your armor do?”

He huffed in amusement. “Well, without me in it, it’s useless.” As he sat back in his chair, one hand propped on his thigh, the other lazily on the arm rest, hand dangling off the end without a care, you snorted a laugh as you noticed his chest puff up a bit. 

Your head lolled to the side, temple resting against your left knee. “Why did I ask?”

Din simply glossed over your jab, shifting his weight slightly. “So we’ll wait. You take care of the crates, then-”

“No, Din.” Picking your head up to look at him straight on, you lowered your feet to the floor and sat forward, bracing your elbows on your knees and resting a hand on his knee. “Like you said, the kid needs this. I’m fine. I also wanted to check on something on the ship.”

That got his attention. He sat up straighter, his chest deflating as he mimicked your posture, leaning closer to you. “Check on what? She’s running just fine since Nevarro.”

You looked down to the side, patting his knee twice before tentatively explaining, “When they were doing the repairs, you were eating the fruit and I was turned around…. I saw one of them acting…. Shady. I completely forgot about it in everything that happened after, but I want to check out the panels I saw them working on and just give it a once over. Make sure we’re not going to explode on our seventy fifth jump to hyperspace or something.”

He chuckled softly, shaking his head. “I’m sure it’s fine, but go ahead. Those mechanics were probably just nervous to be working on my ship. I made a…. Let’s just say a name for myself last time I left Nevarro.”

With a huff of laughter you leaned back in your chair, looking at him with a lazy tilt of your head. “So I heard.”

Din groaned as he once again mirrored you, leaning back in his chair, his head hitting the rest with a thump. “What did Karga tell you?”

“Nothing. You did.”

His visor snapped down to meet your cocked brow in question. “I did?”

You looked at him incredulously. “Yeah, it was one of the first things after I got on the Crest. You don’t remember?”

He sighed as his head lolled back against the chair again. “I’ve told you a lot of things. I guess it’s gotten lost in the mountain of others.”

That made you pause. “Do you not tell other people these things?”

Din spun back around to face the console. “I don’t tell other people much of anything.”

“Neither do I.”

“Patu.” Din looked over his right shoulder at the kid, shaking his head gently after a moment. You smiled as you looked at the little green face staring back with wide eyes. It was clear what he had meant. Neither do I.

Xxx

You unloaded boxes while Din flew the kid up to the top  of the hill with the structure. Looking at the holo projection as Grogu screeched with glee, you saw Din’s visor angle down to the little green ward in his arms, the widest grin you’d ever seen on his face. 

Carrying the holopad with you down the ramp and toward the hatch the workers had been stationed under on Nevarro, you felt a matching smile climbing your face at the infectious joy radiating off the kid. 

After you set the pad near the landing gear of the ship on the ground, you pried the panel off and gave it a cursory glance for anything out of place.

“Hey, Din? Is there supposed to be a coupling by that bundle of wires closest to the landing gear?”

“No?” He answered after a moment. “Keep the panel open, I’ll be right there to look-”

You stood up straight. “No! No. Take care of the kid, I’ve got this.” Right? Right. It was just a patch job, something they used because they ran out of the necessary parts. “All you would do is take it off and look at it, and that’s all I’m going to do.”

“What if it explodes? I have armor-”

Sputtering, you stopped that train of thought immediately. “It’s not going to explode, stop it. Go.”

Din sighed. “Okay. But be careful.”

“I will. I’ll remove it then set it over with the crates I offloaded. They are way across the clearing. One of them broke when I lifted it and they are definitely bad already.” A shudder ran down your spine as you remembered the rancid smell of the expired packets. Pushing it as far away as you could in favor of more pleasant thoughts, you focused back on the device in your hand. Well, maybe not more pleasant, you thought with a grimace. “That way if it explodes or anything, it’ll be as far away from the Crest as possible.”

“What color was it?”

If Din could see your face right now, he’d make some joke about the comical twist of confusion screwing up your features. Is he asking about the ration packs? “What?”

“The coupling. What color?”

Oh. Of course. Why would he be asking about the- You shook your head. “Metal, like the rest of the interior of the ship.”

He huffed. “No, the light. The blinking light on the top.”

You froze. Staring at the light as it blinked lazily, you began to sweat and swallowed roughly. You hadn't mentioned that. “It went between red and green alternating.” Looking up and across the field at the crates of expired rations longingly, you wished for five minutes ago when the world was simpler, the worst problem to deal with some stinky food.

“Dank farrik!” Din’s voice hissed over the holopad, making you wince before it lowered back down to nothing but business. “Was it ever blue?”

Looking down to the part in your hand, your stomach sank as it flashed blue in your palm. “Yeah.”

Din sighed. “It’s a tracker.” You faintly registered what he was saying, but the word tracker kept echoing around your head on a loop, almost in tandem with the blinking of its light. “It’s not going to explode or anything, at least it shouldn’t, but it still wouldn’t hurt to get it as far away from the ship as possible. I’ll look at it when I come back down.”

Don’t ask. Don’t ask. Don’t ask. “What does the blue light mean, Din?” You couldn’t stop staring at the small offending tattletale in your palm.

“Red’s recording location, green is receiving signal, blue is…. sending.”

You nodded even though he couldn’t see you. Great. “So it’s still active.”

Din hesitated before sighing. “Yes.”

“Osik!” Eyes shut tight, you went to clench your fingers around the device in aggravation, but thought better of it at the last second, stretching them out instead as far as possible while you glared at the device. You wanted to throw it across the clearing. “Should I step on it or something-” (“Shit!”)

“No!” He cut you off before lowering his voice. “No. We don’t want whoever it is to know we’re on to them.” Oh, but I do. Let them sweat a little bit. Let everyone know you don’t mess with- “Hopefully we can trace it back to whoever is getting the signal.”

You tried not to let your mind wander, but you couldn’t help it. Once it started, it was a rapid fire trail down the list of names. Endless possibilities of- But one in particular stood out. One sounded more likely than the rest…. “Din, what if it’s-”

“No,” he said again. “Don’t even start. There’s no way Gideon…. No.” The jet pack powered down. “I’m here. We’ll talk about it later. Just get it as far away from the ship as possible for now in case I’m wrong and it is some sort of explosive-”

“I’d almost prefer that at this point.” You hadn’t meant to interrupt him, but your mind was short circuiting right now, watching the loop of blinking lights repeat every few seconds. Red. Green. Blue. Red. Green. Blue. Red…. And the cycle repeated. Again. And again. And again. 

Din laughed softly.

Screwing your eyes shut, the colors still flashed behind your eyelids. Red. Green. Blue…. “Plus you’re almost always wrong, so….”

The laugh melted into a soft growl.

Looking down to the holopad, you saw the camera pan around the mountaintop, a large circular stone in the middle of several taller stones. Whispers started to fill your mind. Nothing menacing, or sinister this time, but just gentle…. Nudges.

A sense of calm, of peace came over you, and the flashing of the tracker suddenly seemed trivial, the flicker of its light no longer a looming omen, but merely another happening in the day.

“Well, I guess this is it,” Din mumbled. “Does this look Jedi to you?”

You snorted as the whispers faded. “Don’t look at me, I just learned how to jump.” Not wanting to walk across the wide expanse of the valley, you looked at the tracker in disdain before floating it across the clearing, setting it delicately on top of one of the crates before you grabbed another crate and the holopad and headed back up the ramp of the Crest. “But just out of curiosity, what exactly makes something look…. Jedi…. to you?”

Din grunted.

The grin on your face kept climbing. “I’m only asking, because, you know…. I mean, you’re surrounded by it, really, so…. The kid…. Me, kind of…. Ahsoka.”

“What do you want me to say?” He sounded exasperated but amused.

Setting the crate down near the opening of the ramp with a huff, you stood up straight, turning back to the holopad with a smirk. “Well you haven’t said laser swords, so I guess that’s a good place to start.” The last crate was at the bottom of the ramp, and you made your way down to it leisurely. 

Din grumbled, changing the subject. “I guess you sit right here.” The camera went out of focus as he shuffled the kid onto the top of the large stone in the center before taking a few steps back, the picture clearing back up quickly. You smiled at the sight of tiny Grogu on the large pedestal. “Okay. Here we go.”

Staring at the projection intently, you waited, but not even a voice entered your mind. Only silence stretched on as the kid tilted his head fondly at Din, cooing softly.

“This is the seeing stone, are you…. Seeing anything?”

With a roll of your eyes, you set the holopad on top of the box before picking it up by the handles with a grunt, and trudging up the ramp. “And you got after me earlier….” Making your way back up the ramp before setting your load down with a thud, you grabbed the holopad off the crate and collapsed to the floor, legs spread out lazily in front of you as you tipped your head back into the shade of the hull and out of the sun, laughing softly at Din’s response.

“Don’t start.” He walked around the large orb Grogu sat upon, his visor panning up and down as he surveyed for any clue. “Or are they supposed to see you? Maybe there’s some kind of control or something.“

A butterfly flew by, the child reaching for it with a soft squeal.

Din sighed, the tilt of the camera telling you his weight had shifted, his head cocking to the side in aggrivation. “Oh, come on, kid. Ahsoka told me all I had to do was get you here and you’d do the rest.”

Grogu looked poised to respond, but all three of your attentions were pulled to the sky when a ship flew over, beginning a landing pattern, circling lower and lower. 

You were on your feet before you’d fully processed the decision to do so, everything spinning slightly from the speed with which you’d moved. Bracing a hand on the frame of the opening of the Crest, trying to keep the world from spinning any faster, you peered up toward the incoming ship, squinting against the bright sunlight. There was no particular aura around it, nothing menacing, but also nothing safe…. It was just blank. And that was almost more concerning. 

Turning your attention back up toward the mountain top where the other two members of your clan were still investigating, you saw the shiny glint of your Mandalorian come into view on the ledge nearest to the Crest, looking down at the new visitors.

Din ran to the edge of the clearing, his visor turning down toward you, voice clear and calculating over the holopad. “Stay on the ship. We’re coming down.” With a few quick steps he was back in front of Grogu. “Time’s up, kid. We gotta get out of here.”

You saw a pillar of light shoot into the air, continuing high into the sky. Looking down to the holopad, you saw from Din’s perspective the beam of light was actually an energy field protecting the child, emanating from the stone. In the center Grogu sat in a perfect meditation pose, and the corner of your mouth twitched up. You’d been working with him on that.

The whispers were back, swirling around you, soft, kind, inviting, but above it all rose Din’s calm voice, “We don’t have time for this. We got to get….”

Before you could stop him, he tried to reach through the force field, the energy throwing him back across the mountaintop.

“Din!” You took a few steps forward, even though he was all the way up there, out of your reach.

“I’m okay, I’m okay,” he huffed as he got to his feet, turning back to face the light. “Hey! Snap out of it, kid!”

If the Mandalorian was one thing, he was persistent. “Din, that’s not going to work! It’s-”

“We got to get out of here!” Was your end of the conversation muted? With an aggravated huff you pushed that thought aside. Now wasn’t the time, he was just worried about the kid, you would be, too. You were. But you understood more than he did, the workings of the Force and other things, and that helped put you at ease, whereas he was fighting blind.

The child was at peace, one with the Force emanating from the stone, and you knew so long as he was there, he was safe. Nature would not abandon those it was reaching out to so intimately.

Din’s helmet swiveled to see a heat signature exiting the new ship where it had landed before turning back to the kid. “I’ll see if I can buy you some time. Can you please hurry up?”

As Din began to climb down the mountain, you started up the ramp toward the weapons locker. “I just have to grab another blaster, then I’m on-”

“No,” Din interrupted. “Stay.”

You paused, hands on the handles of the locker, completely frozen in place. So he did hear you. Good. Then he would hear exactly how low your voice dropped as you ground out, “Excuse me?”

“Until we know what’s going on. The kid is safe in that…. Thing, the ship is the next best thing for you until we know more about whoever this is. Probably whoever tracked us.” He sounded beyond exasperated. This was beyond his wits end, Force barriers and ancient temples, but he was trying.

You hesitated. “Keep your comms on. I’m staying on the ship only because we might need a quick get away.”

He was smiling, you could hear it. “Fine. But I’m turning the camera off. Runs down the charge-”

“Are you sure you aren’t a droid?” The locker doors squeaked as you opened them.

He hesitated only a moment, his voice low and unamused. “What?” The projection went dark, but the sound was still clear as ever, now coming from the comm on your belt.

Surveying your options, you grinned. “Nothing. Just trying to change the subject.”

Before he could respond, the sounds of blaster fire rang through the comms. Of course this is right after he cut the live feed. Shoving the holopad somewhere in the back of the weapons locker, you reached blindly for the nearest weapon. When you looked down and realized what it was, you smirked, slinging it across your shoulders. This’ll do.

“I’ve been tracking you, Mandalorian.” The voice was new to you and yet…. Something in the back of your head stood on alert at the sound. It wasn’t bad, it was just something…. Like an old friend had suddenly come back and stood in the next room discussing the weather. Mundane but comforting. Something about it pulling just at the edge of your memory….

“Are you Jedi?” Why does he assume Jedi after two seconds? You really needed to sit down with Din and have a Force Basics class, or something. “Or are you after the child?”

“I’m here for the armor.” That voice…. That niggling in the back of your mind wouldn’t be silenced. You knew this person. Somehow, in some lifetime, you’d crossed paths, maybe for only a moment, but it had been enough that your memory had decided to log it away for future use.

“If you want my armor, you’ll have to peel it off my dead body.” Rolling your eyes at Din’s reply, you double checked your weapons on your belt, freezing at the newcomer’s next reply.

“I don’t want your armor. I want my armor that you got from Cobb Vanth back on Tatooine. It belongs to me.”

Your head was spinning. That voice. It was older, gruffer than the last time you’d heard it, all those years ago on Coruscant. It couldn’t be….

“Are you Mandalorian?”

“I’m a simple man making his way through the galaxy. Like my father before me.”

Suddenly you were twelve years old again, the feeling of beskar stopping you like a wall of durasteel in the middle of the street slamming into you full force. Screwing your eyes shut, you leaned into the feeling. The voices all swelled at once, whispering indistinctly in one loud cacophony. No words in particular stood out until one repeated over and over. 

Run.

Run.

Run!

As your eyes flew open, the conversation between the two men came back into focus, the newcomer issuing a threat. 

“….I have a sharpshooter up on that ridge with a locked scope that will unload by the time my body hits the ground.”

Your feet began moving before you could think twice.

Din’s voice was dangerously low. “I’m the one wearing beskar. As soon as I see that muzzle flash, you’re both dead.”

The other man sounded amused. “I didn’t mean she was going to shoot you. My friend’s locked onto that little companion of yours up on the henge.”

You’d never moved so fast in your life.

A female voice came over the comm. “And if you remember, I don’t miss.”

“Fennec?” The shock in Din’s voice was not missed by you.

“You have a keen ear, Mando.”

They were just around the corner.

“You point that gun away from the kid or I’ll drop you both where you stand.” You heard his whistling birds engage and knew things would be winding down soon. Whether by choice or by violence, that was anyone’s guess.

“And if he doesn’t, I don’t miss, either.” All three heads snapped to you as you walked up from behind Din with your blaster drawn, aimed at the man, a second in your other hand pointed at the woman you guessed to be Fennec, and the rifle you’d stolen from the guard on Corvus slung across your shoulders and resting snugly on your back.

Looks were exchanged in the silence, Din shifting his weight slightly, but you saw his shoulders relax when you took a step closer to him.

The strange man looked resigned. “Let’s all put down our weapons, have a chat. There’s no need for bloodshed.”

Din gestured to the sniper with his blaster. “Tell her to drop the gun.”

“Tell her to drop hers,” Fennec fired back, letting out a soft huff after the man shot her a look. “Please.”

“After you put down the jet pack,” the man amended.

Din hesitated. “Same time.”

Despite saying ‘same time’, he waited until they were disarmed and off the child before he even reached for his jet pack. As everyone set their respective offending items down, you lowered your weapons, holstering them at your sides as you slid up next to Din.

“What are you doing here?” He mumbled, turning his face away from them as he set the jet pack against a large stone.

“It seemed like you might need some help.” Glancing over to the two strangers where they now stood across from you, you stood up taller. The man watched you with a critical eye as Fennec moved easily across the ledge she had been on toward her companion. “Looks like I was right.”

“I had it handled,” he groused, looking at you. “I told you to-”

Your face snapped over to peer into his visor, your reflection in the T doing nothing to dull the fire in your eyes as it blazed. “Din, so help me, you mention me staying on the ship one more time right now, I will throw you back there myself from here,” you hissed lowly, so the others wouldn’t hear. Taking a deep breath, you tried to calm your voice, speaking as evenly as possible. “I can sense the kid, he is perfectly fine right now, safe, and where I need to be is here with you, so just….”

“Okay,” he agreed softly, nodding once at you before turning to the newcomers as Fennec finally made it off the ledge she’d been perched on.

Looking at the man for the first time, really looking, you tried to picture him a little bit shorter, a few years younger, that armor on the ship in much better shape…. Maybe if you squinted it would fit…. A name drifted in from their conversation, Boba Fett, and you tried to apply it to your memories of the armor. You studied his face as the three of them continued to exchange words, long jagged scars criss crossing his bald head; they looked painful. Finally something he said brought you back to the conversation at hand.

“I want my armor back.”

Din sounded exasperated at this point, and you wanted to smile. Everything about him was tired and the weight of it was starting to show. “It goes against the Mandalorian Creed.”

“The armor was given to my father, Jango, by your forebears. In exchange, I guarantee the safety of the child, as well as your own.” Boba looked at you, something in his eyes sparking as they fell to study your vambraces, then the mudhorn on your weapons at your waist before rising back to hold your steady gaze. “And that of your riduur.” (“Partner.”)

Before you could even think to respond, Fennec began.

“The bounty on your little friend has risen significantly. You can buy ten suits of armor for the price on its head.”

You’d had enough. “It is a he, and he has a name.”

She tilted her head at you in a small nod, a smirk starting up her face. “My apologies.”

Boba glossed over the small hiccup and circled back to the matter at hand. “I’d say we’re offering a fair deal under the circumstances.”

A ship suddenly flew overhead, low enough to mean intent, but high enough to keep its allegiance hidden, drawing all of your attention up to follow it before snapping into action.

Din met your gaze, his head tilting to the side just slightly before a small smile was crawling up your face. “I know. Go. I’ll be on the ship.” You reached out, giving his hand a squeeze as he gave you a quick nod, and you went separate ways, him up toward the child, and you to the Crest. 

Pulling up short, you turned around, calling for him to stop. “Mando!” He skidded on the loose dirt, almost losing his footing before he recovered and turned to face you, his head once again tilted in question. Lugging his heavy jet pack up from where it rested on the ground, you took a few steps toward him before giving up and pushing it to him with an unseen force. “Don’t forget this.”

It landed against his chest just hard enough to earn an ‘oomph!’ on impact, his arms closing around it to keep it from falling. He nodded, lifting it to attach at his back before turning and flying up to the top of the hill.

You watched him go for only a moment, shaking your head fondly before turning toward the Crest once again.

Boba and Fennec scrambled the opposite way, but didn’t seem to be running away, just to a better vantage point. Deciding to trust them, you continued on to the ship.

Dashing up the ramp, you made it up right before the ramp lowered on the new ship, the voices of stormtroopers filling the clearing as heavy boot falls descended, thudding across the dusty surface of the planet. You hated it. It felt tainted. They shouldn’t be here. This was sacred ground, a special place, once a great temple….

Looking down to make sure your comm was clicked off so they wouldn’t know you were here, you startled when the troopers began dropping rapidly, blaster fire filling the air. Glancing around the corner you’d ducked behind, you saw Fennec perched halfway up the hill, picking them off one by one. Boba was nowhere to be found, but you knew he was close by. You could sense him.

And that’s when you knew.

He felt the same as when you ran into him in the streets of the Uscru district back home, something you didn’t understand at the time, but you did now. A sense of something broken, something healing, something safe, and something entirely good. Yes, he had shadows, dark places you could clearly see, but so did everyone. At his base, he was a good man, and you’d somehow run smack into him again.

Rolling your eyes, you sighed. I wish the universe would quit trying to prove a point so loudly.

Boba popped out from behind a rock right beside Fennec and for some reason, that made you smile. You knew he was there. He gestured to her and she nodded before they moved further down the hill.

If you didn’t have Din and a tiny little ward counting on you, you’d join them. But something inside told you to lay low. At least for now.

You watched Boba reappear like a shadow, slinking around the rocks as if he’d lived here all his life. He took out troopers left and right with the staff that had been strapped to his back. Your eyes were wide as you saw it shatter helmets with each hit.

Your attention was pulled away by an explosion, finding some troopers set up near the base of the hill launching explosives toward Fennec. She was still doing okay, but was having a harder time maintaining fire, ducking behind rocks to try and avoid the flying pieces of gravel. Her fire suddenly stuttered, and you saw her pause, following her line of sight, and you froze.

You didn’t know what it was, but you knew it was big. A trooper swung a massive gun on a stand toward her and opened fire as she scrambled away further up the hill. It’s shots came in rapid succession, hardly any pause between them as they turned the landscape into one giant curtain of sparks and smoke. It followed her as she ran along a ridgeline, something amusing tickling you that even with this massive weapon, they still couldn’t hit the broadside of a hillside. A small wave of relief washed over you as she finally ducked behind a large rock to hide from the blasts.

They kept pelting it with fire, launching their explosives at the rock in an attempt to dislodge it or her, whichever crumbled first, and you saw the rock begin to wiggle after an impact. An idea came into your head, and you saw Fennec disappear behind the boulder, so you reached out to see if maybe you could catch a glimpse and see if you were on the same page. You were.

From there it wasn’t hard to stay connected to her, almost seeing through her eyes as you enacted your plan. 

As she braced her feet on the rock and pushed, grunting a “One,” you gave a little nudge yourself, but it barely budged.

She tried again, “Two,” and this time when you pushed a little harder, you saw it wobble forward.

Knitting your eyebrows, you focused on the large gun, causing it to jam. You gave one last push with Fennec’s shouted, “Three!” as she put everything she had into a final shove with her feet, sending the rock careening down the hill. Refocusing your efforts, you tried to guide it as best you could so it hit the most stormtroopers on the way down, including the massive gun at the bottom.

Only one was left, he had an orange shoulder marker indicating he was in change, but just as quickly as he issued orders to anyone left standing, Boba tapped him on the shoulder with his staff, making him turn only to have his feet swept from under him, his armor soon in pieces as he lay motionless at Boba’s feet.

He turned to look at the Crest, and you could feel his longing. Flipping your comm back on in case things took a turn, you stepped into the light. Stepping into the wide opening of the lowered ramp, you crossed your arms over your chest. He closed the distance between you quickly but cautiously. Standing at the bottom of the ramp, he fastened his staff onto his back as he peered up at you.

"I've come for what's mine."

"Well all of this is mine, buddy." You gestured to the interior of the ship behind you with a jerk of your head before aiming your vambrace at him, your flame thrower whirring to life as you held your ground. “I appreciate you protecting the kid, but I still don’t really know you, so just back off. Step away from our home.” He took a step toward you, holding his hands up in surrender when your vambrace whirred faster with a flick of your wrist. “Like I said, everything that’s in here is ours, so-”

"Not that." He pointed at the set of green Mandalorian armor you’d gotten from Vanth where it hung on the wall behind you.

Lowering your vambrace slightly, you looked at him with wide eyes as another wave of that familiarity washed over you. "It's you?"

He looked truly confused. "Me?"

"You." Lowering your arm fully, you stepped closer to him. “It’s really you.”

"Uh-oh." Lifting his hands still in surrender higher for a moment, he set one on your shoulder lightly as he maneuvered slowly around you, cautiously. "What do I owe you?"

Turning to keep him in your sights, you shook your head. "No, I-"

Boba stopped, turning to face you fully, both of you at the top of the ramp, with his arms hanging easily at his sides. "If Fennec ever wronged you, I can assure you she's a changed person now. We're working on-"

You laughed. "No! It's you! Nau ki’bas’ika." Something in you marveled at how those words had sounded so foreign back then, but now…. Now they flew off your tongue as if you’d known them your whole life. The little strings around your heart that bound your clan of three together cinched ever so slightly tighter, which you didn’t even think was possible. Every time it happened, it took your breath away. Every added knot one more confirmation in a long line of things that you were where you were supposed to be. (“Little light bug.”)

Understanding dawned on his features, something soft coming over his eyes. “Te ad'ika...?” He smiled. "My, how you've grown." (“The little one.”) 

Din’s voice crackled over your comm. He sounded panicked, and it pulled you right back to the moment at hand. He never sounded panicked. "Do you have eyes?! I can't see them! The kid! He's-"

Looking up at Boba, you gestured down the ramp. "I have to-" 

He didn’t even let you finish, gesturing you down the ramp with a nod of his head. "Go."

As you ran toward the beam of light protecting the kid, you’d never felt like the world had moved more slowly. You were moving as fast as you could, practically floating above the ground, defying the laws of physics as you pleaded with the Force to give you the boost needed to make it in time. Please. They were your family. Not like this.

It was a loop in your head as you closed in on the mountaintop, not even out of breath.

Please, not like this. 

But for all your physical speed, the world around you seemed to move by in sluggish streaks of blurry colors. Nothing was in focus except the ridge you were trying to reach. Nothing else mattered except for that ridge. More specifically, what was on it. As your jaw set in determination, you leaned into your sprint, pushing even harder to reach the top as soon as possible.

You faintly registered another ship coming in to land by the other, the sounds of blaster fire picking back up again down below as you crested the top, finally seeing Din and the child for the first time in what felt like hours. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding.

Din was laying on the ground, so you helped him to his feet.

“What’s going on? Did you fall?” A cursory glance from head to toe didn’t show any major injuries or cause for alarm, but then again, the beskar would probably hide most things. You reached out to rest your hand on his upper arm, but he didn’t even look at you.

He turned to face Grogu, completely ignoring your question. “That’s it, kid. We got to get out of here!”

Din began trying to push through the barrier again, grunting and struggling as he ignored your protests.

“Stop it! Din, no, it’s not- You’re just going to-”

He bounced back like he’d been launched, shaking his hands almost as if he’d been burned or shocked. 

“It’s not going to work,” you finally concluded, unable to help your grin as he rolled his head to glare at you before looking off the edge of the mountain to the ships down below, pressing something on the side of his helmet. 

Turning back to Grogu, he huffed. “Okay, I’m gonna protect you.” He said it like it was his choice, like there were other options, and a wall of Force energy wasn’t dictating this whole situation for him. You had to look away so he wouldn’t see your smile. “Just stay there. I’ll be back soon.”

Following where he had been looking down the edge of the rocky terrain, you saw Fennec begin to take more heavy fire. “Din, go help her! They offered to help keep the kid safe, and if we get out of here, we’re going to need that help. Now go!”

He nodded. “Stay with him. Please?”

You couldn’t help the small smile. “Where else would I be?”

Din nodded again, a short, relieved sigh letting his shoulders relax slightly. “Keep your comm on.”

You nodded in confirmation before gesturing him down the mountainside. Once he was gone, you turned to look at Grogu. The Force wall evaporated, leaving the kid in a dazed state as he blinked drowsy eyes and breathed heavily, falling to the side to curl into a little ball, instantly asleep. 

Opting to leave him be, since you didn’t really understand giant seeing stones and their way of doing things, you kept watch at the edge, eyes watching down below and ears tuned in to the child behind you.

Din and Fennec fought back to back until an explosion rocked the earth near them, sending troopers flying. Not again, you thought. You began to look around for a rock you could launch down the hillside without tiring yourself out too much, when you noticed a flash of green armor, and you grinned.

When Boba sent rockets flying out of a piece on his knee, you picked up your comm. “I finally found something your armor doesn’t do.”

Din grumbled in response, making your smile grow.

The troopers began to run away after just a few well placed attacks from Boba, and your grin turned into a smug smirk when you saw him twirl his gun like Din had on Corvus.

Your comm crackled before Din’s voice came back over. “At least he can do that properly.”

This time you grumbled.

As the ships took off with all the troopers piled back in them, you made a last second decision after looking at a sleeping Grogu once more. He’d wake up starving. Now that the coast was clear, you were just going to grab a ration pack and hurry back up to be there when he woke up.

Jogging down the hill, you were quick to dash up the ramp of the Crest, grabbing a ration pack before turning to head back up. You paused when your comm went off.

"Mesh'la?"

The connection was staticky, and you could barely make out his one word as you began to walk forward again. "On the ship. I'II be out in a second…. Just had to get the-"

The comms went out with a wave of static, making Din turn to look at the Crest, pressing the button for his comm on the side of his helmet once, twice, but nothing worked.

"Mesh'la?" He tried quietly, knowing you couldn't hear. Before he could push it a third time, a laser bolt shot down from the sky, streaking toward the Crest faster than he could comprehend. "Mesh'la!"

Xxx

Din POV

Everything moved in slow motion, the path of the bolt streaking through the sky something he wanted to look away from but didn't dare to even blink.

Before he could take even two steps closer to his ship, the bolt hit its mark, exploding in a cloud of flames and debris.

The glow illuminated the sky behind the Crest, casting the ship in an eerie glow, the ping of rocks landing on the roof of the ship like rain music to his ears.

He was moving before he had even fully processed what had happened. All he knew was you were somewhere over there, somewhere near the danger, somewhere that was supposed to be safe.

No matter what happened, how he tried, the people in his life seemed to pay for being a part of it. First his parents, then countless others he’d tuned out over the years, telling himself it was easier if he just didn’t have people in his life in the first place. And that was true. It was so much easier not worrying about the kid. Not worrying about you. If both of you were safe. Warm. Fed. Happy. 

But it was also so much emptier.

That was a life he wasn’t willing to go back to. Not now. Not after so many months of days filled with…. Just filled. Even in moments of silence, of nothing, of sleep, it was so much more, so much better than anything before. And he wasn’t willing to go back. Not if he couldn’t go back to you.

He slid on his knees on the grass the last few feet to where you laid on the ground at the bottom of the ramp, the wind knocked out of you. You moaned softly, trying to push up onto your elbows. Din maneuvered so he was behind you, letting you lean on him. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I think so?” You grimaced. “What happened?”

“They shot the tracker. Why were you on the ship?”

“I came down for a ration pack for the kid, he’s gonna be wiped out after-” Your eyes went wide and you snapped them up to look at his visor straight on. “The kid!”

Xxx

Normal POV

Once again running faster than you thought you ever could, you leapt across the tops of the stones on the mountainside like they were stairs, charging ahead of the others. Landing on the top, you skidded on the dusty stone before closing the last few steps to the seeing stone, turning to put your back to Grogu, your saber already drawn and ignited, ready.

Above you, four black humanoid shapes came into view, coming straight for the kid. They landed in a circle around him, and you realized they were droids.

“Hey, grease breath, think again,” you said firmly, pulling back to swing your saber, but the one closest to you grabbed your wrist, jerking you to the side and off balance, making you stumble. Your saber slipped from your hand, skittering away from you as the droid flung you the opposite direction.

You tried to reach out with the Force and stop them, but the world started spinning, the explosion and your exertion finally catching up with you, and all you could do was watch with your hand reaching toward him as Grogu sat up wide eyed. He looked at you, a wave of calm washing over you like a breath of fresh air, and it took everything in you not to cry. Even in moments where he was in danger, he was trying to help you not be scared.

Everything blurred through unshed tears as the droid snatched him, all four taking back off into the sky just as Din and Fennec crested the top of the mountain.

“They’ve got the baby,” Fennec said into a comm, and you smiled. At least now she was calling him a baby. “Don’t let them get away!”

“Stop him. I don’t want the child hurt.” Din’s voice was deceiving my calm, but you knew better. This day was catching up with him fast. If you felt like this, you could only imagine how he felt. It was just him and the kid before you even came into the picture. If anything were ever to get to a Din, this would be it.

After that you let yourself collapse back on the ground, exhaustion catching up with you. With your eyes closed you weren’t sure, but you heard footsteps come closer to you, and you assumed it was Din. The soft groan he let out as he knelt beside you confirmed it, and in better circumstances, you’d smile, make a joke about it.

But these aren’t better circumstances.

The kid is gone.

Grogu is gone.

Opening your eyes as Din helped maneuver you into a seated position like down by the ramp, you put your hand on his wrist, stopping his movements. “I’m sorry.” You could only just barely whisper.

“What?”

Looking up to hold his gaze, you felt the tears finally fall. “I’m so sorry, Di- Mando.” Your eyes flitted over to Fennec briefly, confirming she was close enough to hear, but she was trying hard not to, looking down at the ground as she stood patiently to the side.

“Hey,” Din pulled your attention back to him. “This wasn’t your fault.”

“But it was.” Your voice quivered without your permission. Swallowing in an attempt to clear it away, your eyes darted over every inch of his visor, searching for something you couldn’t quite pinpoint. “If I had just stayed up here, not gone for the stupid snack-” Shutting your eyes tight, you saw Grogu even in the darkness, his wide eyes staring at you as he offered you that last wave of peace, and a fresh wave of grief replaced all the good.

Din didn’t let you finish the thought. “He would have wanted that-”

You didn’t let him comfort you, either. Eyes flying open, you stared at him with brows raised incredulously. “-or let them knock my saber out of my hand-”

He really wasn’t going to let you win. “You’d just been in an explosion-”

“Stop trying to make this okay!” You yelled, eyes screwed shut. Then, quieter, “It’s not okay.”

“It’s also not your fault.” Din matched your quiet tone, his voice calm and collected, and you didn’t know how. 

You opened your eyes to glare at him. “It’s not yours.”

“Nope.” Knitting your eyebrows, you tilted your head at him. He eased back on his haunches with a soft groan, moving you gently into a more comfortable position. “I blame Gideon.”

You rolled your eyes before huffing out a laugh. “Well, duh.”

Laughing softly, you closed your eyes again when his forehead came to rest softly against yours. The kid still appeared with every blink, but it was quickly becoming comforting again instead of the heavy weight still on your chest. You’d make this right. Not for yourself, but for Grogu who deserved everything good and kind in this galaxy. And for Din, who deserved everything…. Just everything. You’d make this right for them.

“Whatever ends up happening with the kid, will be because of you, mesh’la,” Din echoed your words to him from back on the ship earlier today. “You’ve fed him, you’ve taken care of him, he’s learned from you. Already. No matter how powerful.” Silent tears raced down your cheeks as he continued to repeat what you’d said. “He’s going to be okay. And it will all be because of you. It all comes back to you.”

Xxx

Staring at the crater that almost was the Crest, smoke tendrils curling into the air, you crossed your arms over your chest as you surveyed the scene.

“It could have been so much worse.” Your voice was barely a mumble, your words barely legible. “They could have gotten the ship. If I hadn’t…. That tracker.” Breath caught in your chest, you tried to calm yourself with a deep, shuddering breath. “They could have gotten you.” Turning to face Din, your eyes wide, you swallowed roughly as you pushed that thought away. Clearing your throat, you found a strength to your voice somehow, small though it was. “I’m just glad you and the kid weren’t in there. I know…. I know he’s gone, and we’re gonna get him back, Din, don’t worry, but….” You shook your head as you looked back at the crater. “It could have been so much worse.”

Din gently dug into the little bag on his belt, your eyes following his almost hesitant movements. He sighed as he slowly pulled out the smallest red flower on a long thin stem. “He…. The kid.” He cleared his throat. “Grogu picked this at the top of the hill, and I think…. I think it was for you.”

Blinking a few times you stared at the small bud. “W-wha…” you cleared your own throat. “What makes you think that?”

“Whenever he’s picked up stuff for you before, the rocks and that beetle on Arvala-7…. He makes a certain noise, well a series of noises that I think is his way of saying your name. It’s always the same. He says it when you tuck him in at night, too.”

You stared at his visor, your voice small as you tried not to let the tears fall. “That’s what that babbling is?” You reached for the flower, taking it delicately with a small smile, your voice smaller still. “My name?” Twisting the fragile stem along your fingertips, you brought it up to smell it, the sweet scent making your lips turn down slightly as your thoughts turned back to the kid. “It’s never sounded more beautiful.”

You turned toward the Crest behind you, looking up at the ship that had seen better days in an attempt to hide your face, swiping blatantly at the tears silently tracking down your face with the palm of your hand. 

The ship had not been damaged directly, but flying gravel had ricocheted, denting spots on the hull and causing a few panels to dangle, hanging on by a wire or a single bolt clinging for dear life. 

“She just doesn’t want to give up the ghost, does she,” you mused quietly, a small smile turning up your features as you surveyed the tattered walls that had become your home. 

Din loomed close behind you, just far enough to technically count as space. But close enough that when you took a deep, steadying breath, you felt a wall of beskar firmly press into your spine.

A soft huff of laughter left his modulator close to your ear as he too tilted his head back to take in the damage. “She hasn’t failed me yet.” His voice somehow got closer. “A lot like someone else I know.”

You smiled, a truly joyful thing, but it quickly melted into something morose, turning down rapidly as new tears raced down your cheeks to join the others. As you tilted your head down into your hands, you felt warm arms come around you from behind, the cold press of beskar against the thin layer of dirt and sweat on your skin doing something to ground you that you weren’t expecting.

“I’m sorry,” you mumbled into your hands. “I’m not like this. I don’t cry. This isn’t-” Lifting your head quickly, your hands coming to rest on his forearms that rested across your chest, you sniffed away the emotions as best you could when you felt the sharp edge of his helmet come to rest on your shoulder. The contrast of the warmth of his body heat under the flight suit where his chin settled in at the curve of your neck, and the cool touch of beskar once again doing something to distract you as his helmet came to rest against your temple with a sigh. “This isn’t me.”

“It’s okay if it is,” rumbled softly into your very bones.

“No.” You swiped at tears angrily again, keeping one hand on his arms before returning the other as well. “He needs me to be strong. You- I need me to be-”

“Mesh’la….”

A stuttering breath caught in your chest as you willed the emotions building again to just try and surface one more time. You dared them. “He’s gone, Din.” A deep breath. “He’s gone.”

Arms wound tighter around you, the press of beskar against your temple more firm, so much so you had to tilt your head to the side to accommodate the pressure. Suddenly you were being turned until your forehead was against his, your hands lost in his cowl as they clutched for a semblance of something familiar. Soft “I know”s and mumbled promises of returns and revenge never ceasing as strong armor clad arms pulled you tighter into himself, every hard line of beskar a welcome familiarity that helped ground you once again. 

Sniffling pitifully, you tucked your face further into his cowl to hide. “I’ll be fine. Thank you. I….” Taking a few steadying breaths, you willed your nerves to still. They didn’t listen, but something in you did, and you found the strength to look up into his visor again. “Go talk to Boba and Shand. Figure out the plan. I’ll be over in a minute. Gonna….” Clearing your throat as you released your grip on his cowl, smoothing the fabric as you focused on it instead, you took another deep breath and continued. “Gonna evaluate the damage, see what we need to do to get out of here in one piece. I assume we’ll take her to Peli’s?” Drawing back, hands moving to your hips, you began to study the ship again, tucking the flower from Grogu into your belt. “I’ll make sure we can at least limp there.”

Din hesitated, weight shifting gently from side to side as he studied you.

“Go.” Motioning him on with a jut of your chin toward your new companions, you tried your best grin you could muster. “Just need time.”

He nodded, turning on his heel and walking around to the other side of the Crest, looking over his shoulder back your way only once.

You made it until he was just around the corner, but just barely. As soon as he was, you dropped. On your haunches, clutching your knees close to your chest, silent sobs wracked your body. You bit your hand when stronger ones threatened to take over.

You’d failed.

He was gone.

You weren’t enough.

Shut up!

Tears of sadness quickly turned to anger and the abruptness of it should have flagged something in the back of your mind, but it didn’t. Instead, you just let it roil, let it grow, as it was the only thing that seemed to make the tears stop. You’d always been told anger festered, but this just felt powerful. This felt like a strength you needed right now, and it was what brought you back to your feet, dried your tears, and brought your head back up high.

As you worked your way around the ship, one thought alone consumed your mind. Gideon was gonna pay.

Din was speaking as you came up to the group. “Then that armor belongs to you.” His voice was softer than it had been earlier, and had an undertone of respect. He glanced to the side to look at you, doing a double take, and you wondered why until you caught your reflection in his visor and saw the obvious evidence you’d been crying. 

Quickly swiping at your cheek with the back of your glove, you shrugged at him as he tilted his head in question. “I’m fine.”

Boba blessedly circled back to the subject they had been on when you walked up, like he had before. “I appreciate its return.”

With a sigh, Din turned his focus back on the other Mandalorian. “Then our deal is complete.”

Boba heaved a matching sigh, and it almost made you smile. Maybe it was a Mandalorian trait after all. “Not quite.”

You arched your brow. “What do you mean?” 

“We agreed in exchange for the return of my armor, we will ensure the safety of the child.”

Din turned his head just slightly to look at you before speaking quietly. “The child’s gone.”

Surprisingly you felt nothing but a twinge of sadness, and that was for Din. The overwhelming feeling that surged through you was anger, and normally it would have had you scrambling for some sort of control, but this time…. This time it only made you smile.

Boba mistook your grin for understanding of his plan and returned your grin before explaining to Din, “Until he is returned to you safely, we are in your debt.”

Din looked at Fennec, and when she nodded in confirmation, he turned toward you.

The words on the tip of your tongue beg to come out. Don’t look at me, I’m the reason he got taken. But you tamp that voice down, you know it’s not true. “Sounds like a plan,” you said instead, hands resting on your hips.

You turned back to survey the Crest once again as they made finer details to the plan, and you only vaguely registered something about following to Tatooine after some minor repairs.

Voices began to swell in your mind, whispers, trying to offer calming things and peace, but you pushed them away. Where were they when the kid was being taken? Shutting your eyes tight, you tried to ignore them, tamp them down, but they swelled even louder, causing the anger in your gut to grow suddenly.

“Mesh’la?”

The voices stopped abruptly for the first time since you’d started hearing them, almost like they’d been strangled, cut off, and you sighed happily.

“Mesh’la, you okay?” A gloved hand gently on your elbow pulled your attention back to the present, making your eyes go wide. These new feelings surrounding you were ones you’d tried to push away time and time again, but now…. Now they fed you, kept you standing under the weight of this massive burden. And that was something to analyze at another time.

“Never better.” You looked up into his visor with a small smile. “So where do we start to get the old girl back in the stars?”

Xxx

The cockpit was silent, aside from the soft whir of hyperspace and the beeps of various instruments.

Staring out the viewport from your seat, you startled when Din finally spoke. “I’m sorry we aren’t going somewhere with fireflies like we had planned.”

You pulled your attention over to where he sat in the captain's seat, finding him staring at Grogu’s empty copilot’s chair. Letting your eyes fall to the empty seat yourself, a single tear racing down your cheek, you smiled fondly. “It’s okay. We’ll make it there eventually.” More silence filled the space until you continued even more quietly. “I’d rather go when the kid can see them, too, anyway. Who knows? Maybe he’d eat some, no matter how hard we tried to keep him from doing so, and he would start to glow.”

A soft chuckle passed the vocoder before his head hung at a broken angle, still staring at the chair as a distinct sniff sounded. He shook his head gently before his chin fell to his chest, his shoulders shaking in silent tears.

“Din….” You were about to unclick your safety belt and go to him when the alarm alerting that the ship was about to drop out of hyperspace sounded. 

It was like a switch flipped. He sat up straight. His shoulders rolled back, his head lifted high, and his breathing evened out as he spun around to start taking over the controls necessary as the view through the transparisteel faded from the swirl of hyperspace to the dotted maze of space. The only sign something was wrong was the one deep shuddering breath he took before he cleared his throat, a wet, affected sound, before he finally spoke to you again. “We’re here.”

Xxx 

When the ramp dropped down to the dusty earth of hangar 3-5, the prattle of pit droids immediately started in. 

You took one step down toward the wave of heat washing over you when you were stopped with a hand around your wrist. Turning, you came face to visor with Din. Arching your brow in question, you waited for him to explain, finally asking an exasperated but quiet, “What?”

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Shaking your head, eyes closed as you scoffed lightly, you began to turn back toward the ramp again. “Din-” But his grip pulled you to a stop again, making your eyes fly open and look down at his hand around yours.

“Stop.” There were so many layers to his single word. You knew he didn’t just mean trying to go down the ramp. He meant blaming yourself. He meant whatever was simmering under your skin since Tython. He meant a multitude of things. Stepping up closer to you, Din tilted his head down to keep his gaze on you, his voice going lower still, almost as broken as you felt. “Just stop.”

Your eyes refused to stay open at that point, fighting back a wave of emotions threatening to make themselves known through tears. Your lower lip trembled in its effort to seal the feelings in, broken things wanting to tumble from you in strings of illegible sentences. “I-”

“No.” He crowded you back against the wall, once again pressing into you, less in an effort to ground you, but more for his benefit this time, his hands cradling the sides of your neck and winding into your hair as he tilted your head back to look into his visor as he went on. “This is his fault. Gideon did this. And he’s the one we’re going after. The kid is smart, he knows it wasn’t- hey, open your eyes.”

Looking up at him through a new swirl of tears, you cursed the swell of emotions and steeled yourself to make it through this conversation. 

“There she is,” he said around a smile, his thumb coming to wipe away a stray tear off the apple of your cheek, your brows furrowing at the sensation. His gloves were off.

“When did you-”

He pushed a button on his vambrace, and the ramp started to close, making you do a double take, one of the pit droids squealing as it scrambled to get out of the way.

“What? Din, we need to-”

As the ramp sealed, he pushed another button, setting the interior of the ship into total darkness. 

The hairs on the back of your neck stood on end, your stomach doing something stupid as you tried to get your brain to catch up with the rest of your body that apparently knew what was happening already. 

After the hiss of his helmet disengaging ended, and a soft thump sounded beside you on the floor, you took a sharp breath in when you felt bare skin come to rest on your forehead. Hairs that stuck out much too long at the sides and the front, long overdue for a trim, tickled your eyelids. A warm breath fanned across your face as he took quick breaths in and out, seemingly lost in the surrealness of the moment like you.

When his fingers found their way back to the sides of your neck, winding their way into your hair once again, you couldn’t help the soft groan you let out, or the renewed one when the puff of air from his chuckle danced across your face.

Din hinged your head back to look up at him once again, even though in the total darkness you could only see the phantom of your imagination.

“Come back to me,” he mumbled, forehead still firmly against yours, his words painting warm breaths across your skin a convincing argument.

“I’m right here.” Your hands snaked up each of his arms, wrapping loosely around his wrists as his fingers slid further into your hair.

He huffed gently. “No, you’re a million miles away.”

“You don’t-”

“Don’t say I don’t understand,” he growled lowly. “Get that out of your head.” After a few shallow breaths, he sighed. “I lost him, too.”

“I was right there, Din-”

“So was I.”

“I left him alone.”

He stepped closer into you, your spine sealing along the wall. “So did I.”

“No, you left him with me.”

Din took a breath like he was going to say something, but stopped short, letting it out on a sigh. “We were both standing right there when he was taken, mesh’la. Those droids would have gotten him regardless. Gideon has been watching us and tracking us, he hasn’t been playing fair.”

“Right. He’s been tracking the ship. You know what else?”

“Mesh’la….” He warned.

“Me. He’s been tracking me. Because of that bounty.” Your hands were in his cowl and you went to push him away but as soon as you started to, you pulled him closer still. Crumbling into the material, your face began to fall, but he pushed it back with his thumbs on your cheeks. “Don’t you see? No matter how you look at this, it all comes back to me.”

A long moment passed before Din spoke softly. “If that’s the case, then it all really started with me.” You blinked up at him, despite not being able to see him. “You have the bounty because of me. He is on the run because of me. Gideon is pissed because of me. It all comes back to me.”

“Din, no. No, you can’t think like that. It’s not-”

“But you can?”

Your mouth snapped shut, hands moving from his wrists to around his neck and into his hair. “You’re so infuriating, you know that?”

His soft huff of laughter painted your skin in warm shades of joy, comfort tinging the entire scene at the seams.

When you speak again, your voice is soft, barely above a whisper, and much breathier than you had intended. “Why’d you take your gloves off?”

Din’s thumbs traced over your cheeks once again, drawing lazy circles as you felt his lips turn up into a smile where he had tucked his face near your temple. “Needed to feel you. Know you’re here.” He let out a long breath into your hair before mumbling, “I think you needed it, too.”

“And your helmet?”

His face pulled away from yours, soon coming back in the form of his forehead on yours, as his words ghosted over your lips. “That? Now that was just for me.”

“Oh really?” You smirked. 

“Mmm-hmm,” he hummed, and you could feel his face scrunching up as he grinned once again, all of his features a mere breath away from yours.

“What exactly did you want to get out of it?” You teased, tugging on his cowl.

“Well-” he began, but was cut off by a rhythmic tapping on the hull of the Crest.

A faint, “Mando?” pierced through the darkness, Peli’s voice cutting through the moment like a bantha in a china shop. 

Din let out a heavy sigh against your face, groaning in annoyance, chuckling when you couldn’t contain a giggle. “Someday,” he promised.

“I’ll hold you to that,” you teased with a tug on his cowl with one hand before pushing him away.

He groaned as he knelt down to pick up his helmet, letting it seal with a hiss before he turned the lights back on, and lowering the ramp once again. He took a single step down the ramp before stopping when you grabbed his wrist. Continuing down until you wove your fingers with his, you pulled him forward to walk down the ramp with you, hand in hand. Looking over your shoulder with a smile, you mumbled a quiet, “Someday,” only for him.

“Well if it isn’t my favorite little family!” Peli singsonged, arms held out in welcome. Her expression fell slightly after a moment. “Where’s bright eyes?”

The sound of a second ship coming in to land in the hangar pulled your attention upwards, Peli’s immediate confusion and irritation moving her over toward Boba’s ship touching down a few yards away. “I’m sorry. This is a private hangar. You’re going to have to-”

“Peli.” She turned to you, brows raised in question. “They’re with us.”

“What?” Her voice had gone squeaky in confusion.

Not letting go of Din’s hand, you held out your free hand toward her, gesturing her over as Boba and Fennec came down the ramp of his ship. “Come sit with me for a minute.”

“What’s going on?” She walked over quickly. “You’re scaring me.”

Sitting at an overcrowded table covered in parts from at least seven different types of ships, you set Din’s hand on your shoulder as he stood close behind you, reaching both of your hands across the table to take Peli’s hand in yours. “I’m going to tell you something and I need you to keep calm for me.”

She nodded. “I can do that.”

Din squeezed your shoulder. “The kid was kidnapped.”

“What?!” She tried to get to her feet but was yanked back down when you wouldn’t release her hand and she had to sit back down, staring at you with wide eyes.

“It’s okay! We’re gonna get him back.”

“Of course you are!” She said firmly, nodding. “When do we leave?”

You smiled at your friend, tears coming for a whole new reason this time. “No, Peli. We need you to stay here.”

“Like kriff! I can’t shoot hardly worth a damn, and I don’t really know how in the bantha diddle I’m going to help, but dank farrik, we have to get the kid.”

All you could do was blink at her. If you did anything it would be in amusement at her fierce use of bantha diddle. 

Din finally came to the rescue. “The person who took him put a tracker on the Crest.” Her eyes flamed as they darted to the ship, and you truly feared for Gideon in that moment. “I need to store it here until this is resolved, keep it off the radar. If she hadn’t seen the tracker and taken it off, the ship would be a pile of debris right now.” Din tilted his head toward you, and Peli turned owlish eyes on you that turned soft in understanding. “Can you sweep it for any more trackers, and house it until-”

“Done.” She held up her free hand, waving off the topic, it was already decided in her mind.

“She also needs a once over. The debris of the explosion did a number-”

“Already being taken care of.” She tilted her head toward her pit droids already well into repairs on the hull of the ship. 

As you stared at the large gunship that had become like a home for your little clan of three, you smiled sadly, your voice barely a thing to be heard. “It’s lonely on the Crest without the kid.” Turning to look up at Din to your left, your smile, though still sad, grew just a little. “There's just so many ration packs without him here." The gentle shake of the Mandalorian’s head was encouragement enough to go on. "I miss going to the markets every hour of the day to top up.” Looking back at the ship, you chuckled sadly. “He’d eat a whole bantha if you let him.”

Peli’s hand flipped in your grip, squeezing your hand. “We’ll get the little womp rat back, don’t worry. Mando’s on it.” She did a double take when she saw Boba over your shoulder. “Apparently two Mando’s are on it.” Boba took his helmet off and Peli’s eyes went wide, darting between Din and the new Mandalorian several times before landing on you. “I think my brain just exploded.”

Xxx

As Din picked a few select things to take with him from the Crest, you fiddled with your vambraces, sitting on a crate a few feet behind him.

“So you sent a message?”

He nodded, pulling the beskar spear from the weapons locker and twirling it once with a flourish before attaching it at his back somehow. 

Studying him with narrowed eyes to try and understand how, he turned to face you, pushing a button on his vambrace to close the locker.

“Not taking the Amban?”

He shook his head.

“Don’t think you’ll run into any Jawas?”

He grunted in annoyance.

“You’re awfully quiet,” you mused softly, watching him as you buffed your left vambrace with a cloth in your right hand.

“Just thinking,” he hummed.

“About?” You asked after he didn’t go on.

“What to do if Cara won’t help us get Mayfeld out of prison. If Mayfeld won’t flip and help us. If the plan goes, well…. According to plan,” you groaned, “but then we find Gideon and then something goes wrong. If the kid is…. Is already….”

Getting to your feet, cloth and vambraces forgotten, you closed the distance between you, your hand instantly cupping the side of his helmet in your palm to keep his visor on you. “He’s fine, Din.”

“You don’t know. Gideon could have-”

“No. I know, Din. I can feel him. We’re connected, remember?” He let out a short bewildered huff of air. “He’s alright. More than alright. I keep getting surges of���.” You smiled, eyes studying the wall behind Din for a moment before coming back to the T of his visor. “Trouble.”

“Then he’s not fine. What do you-”

“No, not that he’s in trouble. He’s causing it.”

Din snorted. “Trouble, huh?” Something proud and smug in his voice.

You nodded. “Along with glee and…. Mischief.” Your face fell into your palm as Din chuckled. “It’ll be a miracle if we get there and the ship isn’t a total wreck floating through space.”

“That would make our jobs much easier,” Din mused quietly, laughter painting his words.

“I’d much prefer Gideon alive.”

Din tilted his head at you in question. “Why?”

Making your way down the ramp, you didn’t bother turning around as you answered, “I have a few things I need to say to his face.”

Xxx

Tags to come!

[vendettaparker]

The Art of Scraping Through: Chapter Three—Strange Perfections

Summary: You and Tom finally get a moment to yourselves, leading to a much needed calm. Though after a calm, always follows a storm.

Word Count: 7.8k

Warnings: swearing, angst, relationship drama, mentions of sex, typos

SERIES MASTERLIST | MAIN MASTERLIST

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

You were thankful for Octavia in moments like this. Moments when you didn’t want to confront your problems, so you instead chose to distract yourself with something else—or in this case, someone else—instead. As promised, you and Tom took Octavia to get ice cream on the way home, and neither of you could get enough of her babblings about her day. She giggled and waved her hands around as she excitedly and animatedly told you about the games she played and the friends she made. 

“And then at snack Miss Mabel gave us goldfish, that’s my favorite,” she exclaimed with a big smile on her face. 

“Really?” you nodded, “We’ll have to buy you some then.” you smiled, wiping her mouth that was getting covered in sticky chocolate. 

“How many kids were in your group?” Tom asked. 

“A lot,” Octavia said, “now I have so many friends like you.”

“You probably have way more than me, kiddo,” Tom chuckled, ruffling her hair. 

By the time you made it back to the house, it was time to have dinner and then get Octavia to bed. All to be done with silence between you and Tom, the only words coming from either of you were whenever Octavia prompted them. Harry eyed the two of you at the dinner table and he could tell something was off. Not wanting to be in the middle of whatever spat you and Tom had going on, he quickly excused himself to his room after the dishes were all in the dishwasher. 

“Come on, O,” you walked into the living room, drying your hands with a dish rag as you spoke, “it’s time for bed.” It was well past her bedtime actually, but she kept both you and Tom distracted from each other, so neither of you enforced your previous rule of ‘In bed by eight’. 

“Okay,” Octavia yawned, setting her dolls into their little bed inside her dollhouse before getting up and meeting you at the stairs, “tuck me in?”

“Mhm,” you nodded, following her up the stairs. She didn’t put up a fight over bedtime (she hardly ever did) this time because she was already so tired after such an exhausting day. You were thankful for that, not thinking you’d be able to handle a tantrum right now. 

When you came back downstairs, Tom was busy on his laptop, answering emails with Bob’s Burgers, your favorite show, streaming in the background. You sat on the same couch as him but kept your distance. You curled in on yourself, feeling almost awkward as you watched the show before you. 

Still, even after he closed his laptop and turned the lights off, Tom didn’t say a word to you. He just watched the show in silence alongside you. You watched his every move—the furrow in his brow, the clench of his jaw—and internalized it. Even just the slight twitch of his lips, as if he was itching to say something, made you feel attacked. Finally, you couldn’t take it anymore. 

“Are you mad at me?” you asked quickly. 

“Yes,” Tom answered honestly, not bothering to look away from the TV. 

You didn’t say anything else for the rest of the episode. There were only ten minutes left and you’d seen this one hundreds of times surely, but for some reason, it felt like it went on for eternity, especially now that you had Tom’s anger weighing on your mind. 

What would you even say? You understood why Tom was upset. It was quite simple really, and part of you even knew that you were in the wrong, but the other part of you still wanted to keep fighting. Just imagining talking to Tom about your past, fearing he wouldn’t understand why you did what you did, made you sick. Eventually, after what felt like hours of excruciating silence, you said the only thing you could think of. 

“I’m sorry,” you said quietly, tears in your waterline threatening to fall.

Tom sighed, finally looking at you, at how small you seemed at that moment. This was probably the most vulnerable you’ve ever been with him so far, and yet all it was was a short apology and a few tears. 

“(Y/N),” Tom reached over and placed his hand on your ankle, “I still love you, I just—” he shook his head, “I just want you to be able to talk to me. If you feel like you can’t talk to me about your past, then what are we doing? You have to…” Tom sighed, “trust me.” 

“I do trust you, Tom.”

“You’ve said that before,” Tom pressed his lips into a thin line, “and if it were true then we wouldn’t be at odds right now.” 

You knew he was right. This hadn’t been the first time Tom’s been frustrated with your communication, it’s just been the longest he’s taken to forgive you and the harshest he’s been with his anger. 

“I’m just frustrated,” Tom said, getting up from his seat. “I’m gonna go get a pillow from our room and sleep on the couch tonight.” 

“No, wait,” you grabbed Tom’s wrist, “please don’t.” 

“I’m really tired, (Y/N),” Tom sighed, “let’s just go to bed.” 

“I don’t want to go to bed fighting.” 

“We don’t always get what we want,” Tom shrugged, pulling away from you and heading for the stairs.

Tom expected you to make your way up to bed as well. You were tired after the day and the next was just as busy, as your days always were, and it was already pushing midnight. He didn’t expect to find you still in the living room with your head in your hands, crying. He seldom saw you cry. He did a couple of weeks ago, but it seemed even then that you were unaware of the strong emotions you were feeling, maybe even fighting them off like you were so attuned to. But this time, you were fully accepting it. You let the tears fall freely as you tried to wipe them away, one after the other. 

When you saw Tom watching you, you looked up at him with the most pitiful looked he’d ever seen. Your brows were furrows and your mouth was set in a deep frown, bottom lip quivering. It took a few tries to find your voice and when you did, it was unsure, as if you were telling a secret, and in a way you were. 

“My brother got my parents killed three weeks after I turned eighteen,” you told Tom, leaning forward on your elbows against your thighs, “and when he…” you took a breath, “when he was taken into custody for the accident, I didn’t bail him out, even though I had the money to. So he didn’t get to go to their funeral, I wouldn’t let him.”

“Darling,” Tom dropped his pillow and blanket and sat next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and let you rest in his embrace. 

“I don’t like talking about it because it makes me sad,” you sniffled, “and because I feel bad about what I did. I never forgave him before he died, and I—” you cut yourself off with a sob, “I feel worse because I don’t think I do. I can’t forgive him. He took something so important from me. My mom and dad were my whole world, Tom,” you looked up at him, “I loved them so much. I never wanted to go back home even after Chet go out of jail because it just hurt too bad. It still hurts so fucking much to even talk about…”

Tom took your in his and rubbed soothing circles on the back of it with his thumb, an assurance that he was listening, “When I came to New York, I went straight from audition to audition,” you explained, “and I liked it that way. I didn’t have time to be sad, and when I was acting then I wasn’t me. I got to be someone else who was better than I am. I got to be someone who handled things better than I ever could and who didn’t let all of this family drama crush her.”

“There is no one better than you, (Y/N),” Tom took your face in his hands and wiped your tears away, “and this isn’t some petty family drama—this is serious stuff. This is the kind of stuff I want you to be able to talk about, even if it makes you sad because the only way to move past all of it is to confront it.” 

You pulled away with a shake of your head, “I sound so stupid,” you sniffled, “I hate sounding so…needy and broken.” 

“No, no,” Tom pressed a kiss to your head, “you don’t sound like that at all. You sound like someone who’s held it all in for too long. I love you so much, and I would never hold any of that against you.”

“Can we just go to bed?” you asked in a small voice. 

Tom nodded with a hum, “Do you want me to come up with you?”

You nodded against Tom’s shoulder and let him lead you up to your room, where he held you throughout the night. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“So you two made up?” Emily asked as the two of you drove to set after dropping Octavia off at daycare. 

“I guess,” you shrugged, “but I don’t know. I still feel really bad and I feel like I just completely trauma dumped on him last night. I hate doing that.” 

“You definitely didn’t,” Emily said, “he was literally begging you to be more open. Besides, it was actually traumatic what you went through and Tom kind of has a right to know.”

“Yeah,” you sighed, “still, I just feel crummy today. Do we have time to get a coffee?” 

“No, but I can drop you off and grab one,” Emily offered. 

“Okay, that works,” you nodded, “also, messages? I’ve been awol for a day from my phone.” 

“Right,” Emily pulled up her notes. She always kept a list of things she needed to relay back to you. “Filming ends this Friday and there’s a wrap party you and Tom already RSVPed to on Saturday night at Copacabana. There’s also a mini get-together at Lightbox that Brad is hosting, no need to RSVP, but you should probably let him know if you’re going or not. I left room for you to go if you want. I can watch Octavia that night, but not Saturday but I have a list of the babysitters that Brad recommends.” 

“Okay,” you nodded, “continue.” 

“Um, let’s see,” Emily scrolled through her phone, “you have a photoshoot on Sunday for Versace, their new collection of scarves, they sent you a package they also want you to post sometime this week, but I can get that done and scheduled for you. Monday you have time in the studio scheduled and then a meeting with Buzzfeed. They want to film a puppy interview with you connected to this next project. Then Tuesday you go to Cannes for the film festival. I have several designers that have reached out asking to dress you, let me know which one you want me to get back to—”

“Wait, you haven’t picked a designer yet?” you asked. 

“No,” Emily looked up from her phone, “I wanted to leave it up to you.”

“Did you tell the director of the festival that I’d be attending?” 

“Not yet, I figured you’d want to announce that with the designer you’d be wearing, but I did get the plane ticket already, so that’s all set up—”

“Cancel it,” you decided.

“What?” 

“Cancel it. I can go next year and I went two years ago, it’s really not like I’m missing anything. Plus, it doesn't have any plus ones so I can’t take O, and I doubt she’d enjoy sitting there for hours on end anyways.” 

“But—” 

“What do I have scheduled for after I get back?” 

“Um,” Emily scrolled further down in her notes, “let’s see. I have some meetings lined up but that’s pretty much it, then there’s some free space I’m working on getting filled, and then press begins.” 

“Hm,” you thought for a moment, “how many of those meetings can be rescheduled or canceled?” 

“Well, all of them I guess, but—”

“Okay, then reschedule the ones that have to be in person and change all the other ones to an email. I hate going to meetings that could’ve just been emails.”

“Okay,” Emily nodded, “but what about you? You’ll be free for the next three weeks then—”

“Exactly,” you smiled, “so then I can go to London with Tom. I’ve been dying to see his family again and they’ve been asking to meet O. It works better this way.”

You were pulling up to set as Emily began frantically tapping away at her phone, no doubt rearranging the schedule and making notes of who she needed to call to cancel and reschedule you with. 

You dug into your purse for a couple of tens to hand Emily before you got out of the car. “Get me a venti caramel iced macchiato with almond milk and extra caramel drizzle, and get something for yourself too.” 

“Okay,” Emily took the money before going back to her phone, “I’ll get to calling and rescheduling these for you. I’ll have the schedule done and updated by lunch.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

After last night Tom didn’t know what to think or feel. He left hours before you’d even gotten up to go for a run and clear his mind, and then the minute he got back, he hopped into the shower, avoiding any interaction with you. He and Harry were out the door as you got Octavia ready for daycare. 

“I think (Y/N) is going through a lot right now,” Harrison said over the phone that was connected to the car as Tom and Harry drove to set. Harrison was Tom’s go-to for advice. Being his best mate ‘n all, Harrison always knew what to say and always only had Tom’s best interests at heart. “She’s shut down emotionally and that’s not an easy fix in someone.” 

“I know,” Tom sighed, “and last night, I feel like I pushed her too far. I mean, I know I had a right to be angry and annoyed, but still, seeing her so upset—I didn’t mean to hurt her like that. I know she had some stuff that she didn’t want to talk about, but this is some next-level shit. Like, her family issues are so fucked up.” 

“Well, maybe that’s actually what you two needed. That honesty time probably felt really freeing for her. Do you think she’d be interested in therapy?” Harrison suggested.

“Yeah, maybe,” Tom mumbled, “but I don’t know. I don’t even wanna bring that up right now. She’s in a fragile place and she’s stressed with work so I just don’t think that would go over well. She seemed shut down this morning. I guess she might’ve just been tired, but I can't help but feel like I did something wrong. I mean, I was really fucking mad at her, but the second I saw her crying, I didn’t really care about my own feelings anymore. Now I just feel bad for being mad in the first place.”

“Tom,” Harrison sighed, “you’re allowed to be upset with someone, even the people you love. I think that the fact that her crying made you stop caring about your own emotions kind of goes to show how much you love her, but at the same time, validate your own feelings, mate. If you two can fight about something and still love each other just the same, then that’s something real. Maybe the therapy thing is something you could both use? ” 

“Couples therapy? I don’t know… I’ve heard some really shitty things about that.”

“Just an idea, mate. You never know until you try it. My aunt and uncle almost got divorced until they gave a marriage counselor a go and no they’re going on forty years of marriage this March. I don’t think I’ve ever seen either of them happier.”

“Yeah, you’re right, Haz,” Tom agreed, “It’s something to consider. I want to be with (Y/N) and I love her more than anything. I never want to see her hurt, but I need to feel loved too.” 

“(Y/N) always puts on a brave face,” Harry added to the conversation, “it’s time she let her guard down. If you wanna ask her to marry you then—”

“Wait, you’re proposing?!” Harrison yelled, his voice booming through the speakers of the car, causing Harry to swerve and nearly knock out a fire hydrant. 

“Fuck, div!” Tom cursed, as his hot coffee splashed onto his arm. He slapped Harry’s arm harshly. 

“You didn’t tell him?” Harry asked, taking a breath to collect himself. 

“No,” Tom said, “the only reason you know is because you’re a nosy fucker who found the ring.” He rolled his eyes, wiping up the hot coffee with some napkins he’d found in the glove box. 

“You already have a ring?!” Harrison’s voice was heard again blasting through the car. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

All you had left was reshoots. Reshoots, touchups, and then promo shots, and you were done. Eight months of work finally to an end, and satisfactory work at that. Nothing felt better than hearing the director's final cut and the applause of the crew. Well, perhaps one thing felt better. 

“Tom? Can we talk?” 

You hadn’t really talked to Tom at all throughout the day, which was unusual. You had seen him of course, and you had been happy to, but you were also so busy between talking with Emily, taking calls, and working on your schedule. Tom didn’t know that though, so when you came up to him, almost hesitantly, asking to talk, after the uneasiness between the two of you, he could only expect the worst. 

So he said, “Do we have to?” 

“What?” 

“Look, if this is about us or our relationship, I’d just rather not talk about it.” 

“Oh,” you looked down and rubbed your arms. Tom winced at the way you physically seemed to curl into yourself. 

“No, I mean—” Tom sighed and reached out for you, only for you to pull away, only minutely, “I just don’t want to make any rash decisions right now. I know we’re in a weird place, but I think we should just give it time.” 

“What do you mean?” You asked, “I—I’m not breaking up with you…” 

“You’re not?” 

“No, I just wanted to tell you that I canceled my trip to Cannes and all the meetings after so I could go to London with you…” you paused and bit your lip, “if you’re okay with that, I mean,” you added. 

“Darling,” Tom’s voice softened as did his eyes, “of course I’m okay with that. That’s all I could ever want.” He went to hug you, but you backed away before he could wrap his arms around you. You crossed your arms over your chest and huffed, clearly annoyed. 

“I can’t believe you thought I was breaking up with you.” 

“Darling, I really didn’t think that—” Tom tried, but you just sighed and waved your hand in dismissal. 

“It’s fine,” you said.

“No, I just mean that—I mean, yes, I was worried when you asked if we could talk, but I’ve just been in this weird place lately and things between us have been weird, and I don’t know. I just got scared. I’m sorry,” Tom took your hands in his. 

“I’m just kind of annoyed that you’d think I’d be so reckless. Like, why would I end such an important relationship over some trivial fights? I feel like a lot of this is miscommunication maybe, and it’s just upsetting that you think I’d drop you over something so dumb.” 

“No, I don’t think that at all,” Tom said, “really, I think you’re the most planned out, organized person I know, like when it comes to your job—”

“But not when it comes to you?” 

“No,” Tom shook his head, “I didn’t mean it like that,” he sighed and rubbed his hand over his face, “can we just not make this into a fight?” 

You pressed your lips into a thin line and nodded, “Yeah, that would probably be best. I have to go to my dressing room anyways,” you pointed your thumb behind you before walking away. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Octavia was just a simple, easy-going little girl. You had to hand it to Chet, as much as you hated him, he raised a perfect little angel. That was more than helpful with how the busy schedule you had her on. So when you had to pack things up and head to London, she was more than contented with helping you pick some outfits and toys for her to take. 

“Remember last time we went on a plane ride?” you asked her as you held her little hand in yours in the car. 

“Mhm,” she nodded, not looking up from her little stuffy, the same she’d carried around like an extension of herself since Tom got it for her.  

“Remember how many people there were? That was pretty scary.” 

“Yeah, I don’t like that,” Octavia said. 

“So how about this time you let me hold you? Does that sound okay?” 

“Can Tom hold me?” Octavia asked, looking up at you with bright eyes and a smile on her adorable little face.

She was nearly impossible to say no to. That’s the one flaw you found in this parenting thing you had going on—whenever she looked at you like you owned the world, it just made you want to give it all to her. 

You playfully pouted, “you don’t want me to hold you?”

“Maybe next time,” she offered, “but you have to take turns.” 

It seemed almost like Octavia was aware of her adorableness, she was always admonishing you whenever she thought you were hogging her away from the other people in your lives. She learned all about sharing and taking turns at daycare. She even recited the same motto you’d known since youth as if she were teaching you a very valuable lesson.“Sharing is caring.” 

“You’re very right,” you smiled, ruffling her hair. 

The airport would always be a place that gave you anxiety, especially now that you had a child to look out for. Although you and Tom walked as quickly as you could to your gate, it was impossible not to be seen or recognized. Even more so now that you had something that kept everyone on the edge of their seats. 

It was almost comical how obsessed your fanbase could be. Keyword: almost. There were cute little instances where people would show their love and admiration for you by making fan edits or photo collages and tagging you in them. Back when you were young and fresh-faced into the scene of showbiz, you’d attempt to respond to as many as you could, but now, there were hundreds—thousands a day—you scarcely had the time. Then, there were instances—many instances—where people took their obsession too far. 

It started on Twitter—as it usually does—when the paparazzi pictures of you and Tom at the airport with Octavia were posted. Then after that, any moment that you were outside of the house with Octavia seemed to get captured, even if you never saw the person who took the picture. 

It wasn’t uncommon for you to get stopped in the street and asked for pictures, but you tried not to oblige whenever you had Octavia with you. Tom, however, could never say no to a fan. So Octavia ended up on his hip for a few shots that inevitably ended up on the internet for everyone to see. 

Most people thought that you and Tom had adopted. Some thought that you’d taken your relationship to the next level, eloped, and adopted a little girl. That wasn’t that crazy of a theory. Reading some of the subreddits for it even made your heart melt, considering that everyone had held you and Tom's relationship in such high regard. 

Then there were a few theorists who thought that Octavia was a baby of yours that you had kept secret and hidden for years. They noticed the little features that the two of you shared, and you had to admit that Octavia and you did bear quite a resemblance, but the timeline these people came up with was too messy to be taken seriously. 

Then there were the people in between—this was a popular crowd—who assumed that you and Tom had gotten a surrogate. It meshed the two theories into one that made the most sense. You had to at least give these people credit, they were persistent in their need for answers. 

So far, though, nobody had actually correctly discovered how Octavia came into your custody. How could they? The story was way more complex than what everyone seemed to speculate. Everyone seemed to think she was a product of true love between you and Tom and your undying devotion to one another, but in reality, her past and yours were much darker. Nobody about ever figured it out on their own though—not with the rose-colored lenses they wear. 

Now, though, you could go as far as to say that maybe you hated your fans. At least, these ones, at moments like this. 

“Tom! (Y/N)!” They screamed at the airport. How could they not be embarrassed for causing such a scene, you thought.

“Could we get a picture? Please?!” 

“What’s your daughter’s name? How old is she?” 

“Can you sign my movie poster?! It’s in my carry-on!” 

“Can we get a picture with your daughter?” 

It took everything in you to not turn around and yell at everyone to leave you the hell alone. You tried to keep your image clean and keep your fans happy, but this was too much. 

“Tom,” you eyed him as you made it to security, making sure he had Octavia securely in his arms. He nodded in understanding and handed her over to you while he took his shoes and belt off. 

“Are you okay, pretty girl?” you asked softly, pushing her hair from her face.

“Mhm,” Octavia nodded, “but I don’t wanna be held.” She began to squirm in your arms. 

“Okay,” you chuckled, “but you still have to hold my hand, kid.” 

Octavia was an easily contented child, so the seven-hour plane didn’t seem to bother her much, especially when Tom got some movies going for her. 

“Are you sure your parents are okay watching her?” you asked, resting your head on his shoulder. Octavia had her headphones on and her eyes glued to the screen in front of her as she sat next to you.

“They practically begged me,” Tom assured you.

“I just feel bad,” you sighed, “I feel like we kind of sprung this on them.”

“Maybe,” Tom said, “but O is the sweetest little girl, they’re going to love her. My mom’s thinking about making some cookies together and then taking her to Dock Beach.”

You and Tom decided to take an entire day and night to celebrate your anniversary, leaving Octavia in the very capable hands of his parents. It worked out well, considering Tom had told them all about Octavia and how she came into your care, his parents were surprised, but more than happy for you. They’d always wanted grandkids, and while you didn’t know how long it’d be until you were ready for kids on your own, you felt relieved knowing that Dom and Nikki would get the chance to get to know Octavia, who was much like your own daughter at this point. 

“That sounds fun,” you smiled, “I think she’ll like that.” 

“As for us,” Tom whispered in your ear, “I have a few surprises up my sleeve.” He pressed a soft kiss to your neck, taking his time to really savor the softness of your skin against his lips before pulling away. 

“Do you now?” you hummed. 

“Mhm,” Tom smirked, “we have a lot of time to make up for.”

“Ew,” Octavia covered her eyes after looking over at the two of you. She shoved her teddy bear which scarcely left her grip since she’d been gifted it, between your faces. 

“You can have some too, silly girl,” you chuckled before attacking her with a barrage of kisses on her chubby little cheeks. 

“(Y/N),” she giggled, scrunching her nose as she laughed. Tom couldn’t help but notice the same little tick you did whenever he tickled you. 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

“Mom!” Sam called as he opened the door, carrying Octavia’s bags in his hand, “Tom and (Y/N) are here!” 

When Octavia first met Sam, her little head tilted to the side as she looked up at him. “Harry?” she asked, confused since she swore Harry did not come on the flight with them. 

“No,” Sam shook his head with a laugh, “I’m Sam.” 

You bent down to Octavia’s level, crouching behind her as you explained, “Sam and Harry are twins, O. So they have the same birthday and they look very very similar.” Octavia nodded along as you spoke, “and Tom is their brother, but he doesn’t have the same birthday as them and he looks a little more different.” 

“He’s tinier!” Octavia pointed out. 

“Yes,” you giggled, “he is a little tinier.” 

“By one inch!” Tom called from the driveway, where he was getting your bags, “and not everywhere!”

You shot Tom a look but were only met with his raised eyebrows and smirk. He always got a little cocky (no pun intended) when it came to his lack of height, but not so much so with length. 

Nikki came barreling down the stairs as fast as she could before scooping you up into a hug, “(Y/N)! It’s so good to see you!” she cooed. 

“Nikki,” you smiled, “I’ve missed you.” 

She was much like the mother you lost, and to her, you were the daughter she never had but always wanted. 

“Have you been eating enough, dear?” she pulled away and looked over your frame, “I have some leftover pork roast in the fridge I can heat up if your hungry? What about you, Tom?” she looked over at her oldest, who had Octavia’s hand in his as she hid behind his leg. “Oh, look at her,” Nikki cooed, her attention immediately averted, “she’s precious.” 

Tom squeezed Octavia’s hand, “Hey, kiddo, come say hi.” 

“It’s alright,” you nodded her along. 

“Hi there,” Nikki crouched down, “I’m Nikki.” she held out her hand. 

“You’re Tom’s mommy?” Octavia asked. 

“Yes I am,” Nikki smiled, “and Sam and Harry’s too. I have another son named Paddy.” 

“That’s a lot of kids. I like Tom,” Octavia nodded, giving a hand to Nikki. 

Nikki laughed, “Yes, well he’s alright, but he was nowhere near as adorable as you. What’s your name?” 

“O!” Octavia said with a smile. 

“Octavia,” Tom explained, “but we call her O.” 

“Okay, O,” Nikki took her hand, “well why don’t we go into the kitchen and get you something to eat, hm? I’m sure you’re hungry after such a long flight.” Octavia nodded and let Nikki lead her away. “Would you like something to drink, (Y/N)? I just got this amazing glass of chardonnay and I’ve been looking for an excuse to open it.” 

“Sure,” you followed the two of them, “I’ll have a glass.” 

“Oh, Tom,” Nikki turned back, “your dad is in his office, I don’t think he can hear much with that bloody door closed. Could you grab him?”

Tom nodded and walked off down the hall. 

“So,” Nikki smiled as she poured you a glass of wine. Octavia was sitting cozily in your lap, munching away on some crisps, “how have you been? I feel like it’s been so long since I’ve last seen you.” 

“Well, a lot has changed,” you chuckled, “but all for the better, right O?” Octavia nodded, mouth full of crumbs falling from her lips.  

“A child as precious as her is a blessing,” Nikki smiled, “although, I am sorry to hear about your brother. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate—”

“Nikki, you’re too kind,” you shook your head, “just being here with you is enough. It’s nice to have a break every once in a while. I’m sure Tom is thrilled to be back in London.”

“I honestly didn’t think you were coming along,” Nikki said, “he told me you’d be in France.” 

“I moved some things around, I really wanted to be here with you guys.” 

“Are you two alright?” Nikki asked, “He seemed…well, he seemed a bit cross when I last spoke to him.” 

You sighed and took a sip of your wine, “He probably was,” you admitted, “things have been really stressful lately, and I can admit, I haven’t been the most attentive to him.” 

Nikki nodded along. “Well, he’s an adult. He doesn’t need attending to.” 

You forced a small chuckle. “If only that were the case.” 

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

Tom kept his hand on your thigh as he drove. He always did, even as early on as your first date. It was a comfort for both of you. You loved feeling his finger gently drawing patterns on your skin, and he loved knowing you were near as he kept his eyes on the road. 

On the ride home after your first date, Tom spent nearly twenty minutes debating if he was allowed to hold your hand as he drove. He worried about coming on too strong and making you uncomfortable. Finally, he mustered up the courage to reach out for your hand, but he failed to realize that your hand was no longer over your thigh. He played it off though, giving your thigh a squeeze as if that were always his intention. You looked over at him and smiled, placing your hand over his for the rest of the ride. 

“Where’re you taking me?” You asked as Tom passed the restaurant you two frequented, your first guess of where you thought he planned to spend your anniversary dinner. 

“It’s a surprise, love,” Tom smiled, “don’t you like surprises?” 

“I’m coming around to them,” you joked, eyeing the car seat in the back of the car. 

“Do you think she’s okay?” Tom asked, “Maybe we should give them a call.”

“We’ve only been on the road for ten minutes,” you pointed out, “I’m not sure how much trouble she could get into in ten minutes.”

“I have a list of things.”

“Tom,” you laughed, “she’s with your parents, don’t you trust them?” 

“I do, I do,” Tom nodded, “but also I don’t.” 

“Oh God,” you rolled your eyes, taking the hand on your thigh and giving it a squeeze.

Tom ended up reserving a room in a restaurant along the River Thames. It was a gorgeous place with vines hanging from the ceiling and beautiful chandeliers lighting every room. For dinner, he had the chef prepare a four-course meal, and the only instruction he gave him was the ring to put in your dessert. 

“Tom, this place is gorgeous,” you beamed up at the atmosphere of the restaurant as you sat down.

Tom smiled, “Yeah, it’s my parent's favorite. They always have their anniversaries here. They actually had their wedding reception in this room.”

“Really?” 

“Mhm, and they always come back here. It’s kind of a family thing now. I think Sam wanted to be a chef here at one point.” 

“He could,” you nodded, “he’s so talented.” 

The waiter came by with a bottle of wine, holding it out for Tom. “Mr. Holland, this is our Joesph Phelps Napa Valley Red Blend,” he said as he poured a glass for Tom, “it’s silky with notes of fruit and flora, it also has smooth tannins and a long finish. Chef Jamie recommends it to pair with your first course and entree.” 

Tom took a sip and held it in his mouth for a moment before swallowing. He nodded and motioned for the waiter to pour you a glass. “That’s lovely, thank you.” 

“Of course, sir. Your first course should be out shortly.” 

You took a sip of the wine and your eyes go wide. “Holy shit,” you have another sip, “that’s fucking spectacular.” 

“I know!” Tom smiled, “It took everything in me not to moan.” 

You laughed. “Well don’t hold back on my account.” 

“I never do,” Tom chuckled. 

The first course was a cheese tray, prepared specially by the chef. It had the most expensive cheeses the restaurant had to offer, as well as some imported from France, purely for the occasion. 

The next course was a soup, it seemed to be some sort of lemon tortellini with dill and spinach, as well as a creamy base. “This,” you motioned down to your bowl, “is heavenly. It’s like Jesus cum—”

“What?” Tom choked on his noodle.

“You know,” you smiled, trying to hold back your laughter, “like if Jesus came, this is what it would taste like…”

Tom laughed out loud at that, happy to hear your strange sense of humor after weeks of stressful work and filming. “You can’t possibly be that drunk right now,” he laughed, “we’re only on the second course!”

“You know wine goes straight to my head,” you said as you finish off your glass. For the second course, it was a white sauv blanc. You couldn’t remember the name for the life of you, but it paired amazingly with the soup

“I can tell, darling. Your face is beet red.” 

“It is?” you held a hand up to your cheek, feeling how warm your skin had gotten; it was scorching, “Oh gosh, I must look so silly right now.”

“No, no,” Tom took your hand in his, “you look absolutely gorgeous, love.”

“Stop it,” you pulled your hand away, “this restaurant is too nice to get all horny in.” 

Tom gasped, “Are you accusing me of trying to seduce you?” 

“No,” you shook your head, “I’m accusing you of succeeding to seduce me.” 

“We should wrap up these next few courses then,” Tom suggested with a smirk, “they might be too hard to get through.” 

You shook your head, attempting to fight the smile making its way onto your face. 

The next course was your entree. A rack of lamb braised with a pesto-lemon sauce, over a dollop of garlic mashed potatoes. 

“Oh fuck me,” you moaned after taking a bit of the lamb. It was dripping juice as it practically melted on your tongue. 

“I intend to,” Tom smirked. 

“Shush, I’m talking to the lamb,” you say with your mouth full, hand placed gently over your lips. 

“Oi, fuck you,” Tom laughed. 

“Thought you intended to?” You said with a raised brow. 

“Bloody hell, I forgot what an insufferable drunk you are.”

“I am not drunk,” you gasped, feigning offense, “I don’t get drunk, I just have fun.”

“You can’t Linda Belcher your way out of this one,” Tom laughed. 

“Hmph, just watch me,” you said, taking the last sip from your glass and holding it up to be filled again. 

After your main course was cleared, Tom was on the edge of his seat. He’d already had three glasses of wine and was debating a fourth. He knew once the dessert came out, then there’d be no more second guessing—no more turing back or taking back his words. Once your dessert was placed in front of you, the question that had been weighing on his mind would finally be out there, staring you down. 

He knew the future scared you—maybe even a little more than the past—hell, it scared him too. But he also knew that these moments were precious. Watching you relax all night, seeing your wheezing laugh again, he couldn’t help but fall in love all over again. He knew that, while the future may scare him, it would be much scarier to face without you by his side. 

“Tom?” You reached out and placed a hand on his, “you okay?” 

“Yeah,” Tom smiled, “I’m perfect.” He took your hand and placed a kiss on it, right on your ring finger, “I love you so much, (Y/N).” 

“I love you too, Tom,” you gave his hand a squeeze, “more than anything.” 

Tom could see out of the corner of his eye the waiter coming down the hall with the desserts. He played with your fingers, imagining the diamond ring he bought right on that ring finger. “(Y/N),” he said, looking up into your eyes, “you know I would do anything for you, right? I-I love you so much—I swear, I’ve never felt this way before.” 

“Tom,” you smiled, “where’s all of this coming from?” 

“I never want to be a part from you,” Tom said honestly, “even when we’re thousands of miles away from each other, I like knowing deep down that you’re mine.”

“Tom—” you were interrupted when your dessert was placed in front of you. You turned to the waiter with a sweet smile, completely ignoring the words written in chocolate sauce in front of you, “thank you,” you smiled brightly before he walked off. 

“(Y/N),” Tom pulled your attention back—to him though, not the dessert in front of you. 

“Hey, where’s yours?” You finally looked down. The hand holding Tom’s went limp as your read his question. 

It was a chocolate mousse cake, your favorite dessert when made correctly, and this one looked heavenly. It was topped with a strawberry and coated in cocoa powder. The wording below, written in chocolate sauce read, “Marry me?”, simple and beautiful. The ring was placed daintily at the end of the ‘Y’, where it twisted and curled. 

“(Y/N),” Tom’s eyes were filled with tears as it seemed to take forever for you to read those two simple words, “I have loved you ever since I’ve known you, and I will love you for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?” 

“Tom…” you looked up at him, tears in your eyes, glistening on the edge of your lower lid, “I—I think this sobered me up.” 

Tom laughed, a watery hearty chuckle, “I figured it would,” he said. 

“I-I don’t know what to say,” you said, tears falling down your cheeks. “Tom, this is—”

“Too much?” Tom frowned, seeing the doubt in your eyes. 

“Too soon,” you clarified, taking his hand in yours as his face fell. “Tom, I love you, and I want nothing more than to be your wife, truly. But, we’ve only just begun. I have no doubt in my mind that you’re my soulmate and that we’re meant to be, but I’m not ready to settle down just yet.” 

Tom released a shaky breath and wiped his eyes before the tears could fall. “Then when?” he asked quietly. 

“What?” 

“When, (Y/N)?” he looked up at you with disappointment in his eyes. “Because as much as I love you, I can’t wait forever.”

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

When you were six and Chet was eight, there was a girl that lived three houses down from you. Her name was Tammy, she was ten. 

Tammy was always bigger than you, always stronger than you, and in her words, smarter than you. The three of you would play in the cul-de-sac together, riding your bikes and chasing one another. It was no surprise when one day, Tammy declared that she loved Chet. 

Despite her harassment, Chet seemed infatuated with her as well. This wasn’t to say that he didn’t tell her off, because boy, could he tell her off. He’d call her a priss and a brat whenever she’d pull your hair. He’d promise to stop playing with her if she kept it up. And over time, what used to be hatred between the two of you, became silent distaste—all to keep Chet by her side. 

When high school came around, it was Tammy that introduce Chet to drugs. Whatever she could bum off her uncle was free game for them. Molly, edibles, shrooms, LSD, acid—whatever she could get her hands on, she’d offer to Chet first. Her crush never ended. 

So maybe, part of you did blame Tammy for the events that took place your senior year. Maybe Tammy should’ve taken all the blame, but at the end of the day, Chet had a choice. And as much as you loved Octavia, she was a product of his choices. She was Tammy’s daughter. 

When you looked at her, you would’ve never known. Nothing from Tammy came through. Not her dirty blonde hair or her split ends. Not her crooked teeth or freckles. It was all Chet. His dark hair, his brown eyes, his tan skin. It made it easy to look at her and forget her other half—the rotten half. 

But as much as you try to run from the past, you can’t escape it. A lesson you and Tammy both would have to learn. 

Salt Lake City, Utah. That’s where Tammy found herself. Working as a waitress at a Mom and Pop diner called Eddies. That’s where the tabloid with your face plastered on the front, along with her daughter’s, made its way into her hands. 

“What’s this?” She said, recognizing you instantly. The customer at the counter flipped the page over so she could see. 

“(Y/N) had a baby, I guess,” he said, “Shame though, kids are a lot of work. I hope her Victoria's Secret Christmas ad still comes out this year.”

Tammy scoffed, “Who’d wanna see that tramp on a VS ad?” 

“Lots of people, myself included,” the man chuckled. 

Tammy could never escape you it seemed. 

When she was little, she envied you for the mere fact that you had Chet. You were the closest person to him. He defended you no matter what. Now at twenty-nine, she still wanted what you had. Money, fame, talent, recognition—you were always thrown in her face one way or another. 

It was the driving force that finally separated her from Chet. Chet was working at a construction company,—a low-level job that only paid enough to keep a roof over their heads and food in their stomachs. Tammy wanted more. She wanted another chance. So she left—went to Malibu, then Cancun, then Florida. Each place she went, she blew her cash so fast that she had no other choice but to start again. And each place she went just bored her more than the last. 

She studied the tabloid. She inspected your expression, coming right out of the airport with Octavia on your hip. She squinted her eyes, noticing something on the child’s neck. And there, right before her, the same one she sported on her neck, was a birthmark. A small tan spot, no bigger than a nickel. 

It was then that Tammy knew how to get her recognition. 

And with that, get her daughter back.

∘₊✧──────✧₊∘

A/N: wow. so so sorry this took so long to get out. i really do love this series so much and i am extremely determined to finish it. i took a hiatus when i moved states from my hometown and now that i’m back home, i feel better than ever. i’m not sure how much you guys know about my move, but long story short, it didn’t go as planned at all. now that i’m back home, i’m focusing a lot on myself and the thing i love to do; which include writing for you guys. please please please share your thoughts and feelings on this chapter—it’s my favorite so far :)

[serenescribe]

Hi, Ell! hope you've been doing well ❤️ sorry for the rhyme, but its question time >:3

how about 4, 17, and 28 for the writing ask game?

Yet another writing ask game

4. Do you have any OCs? Do you have a story for them?

OH BOY. DO I.

okay so little storytime, when i was like, 13 to 16? i had a CRIPPLING fear of writing ooc characters. like i'd sometimes try to write and post fic but it was that fear that led me to not write as much as i do now. but i still had so much creative energy that i had to burn. so what did i do?

i made hundreds of ocs.

anyways, i have too many ocs and they all have too many stories ;v; but they are dear to me and i love them. granted i haven't worked on their stories as much recently due to focusing on fanfic more (and i'm also being vague because i don't think many people care for my oc tangents) but. augh. yeah

also i have a buncha danganronpa ocs in my fic nobody wants to hear you sing about tragedy. which is on hiatus indefinitely, but my kids are dear to me

17. Past or present tense? Why?

i tend to default to present tense when i write fanfic, but i actually don't have a preference for either! sometimes i miss writing past tense; as much as i adore present tense, sometimes i'll hit a road block with tenses and go "man i sure do wish i was in past tense rn then i could just past tense Everything"

there's also something to do with descriptions and past tense being better for that (for the way my brain works anyways) but i'm too lazy. anyways i like them both! but i'll usually do present tense for my fics

28. Any writing advice that works for you and you feel like sharing?

write down any ideas you get. i'm serious. i keep my phone next to my bed and keep my notes app out of my time restriction stuff because i get the most specific lines, scenes, random ideas when i'm about to pass out.

seriously, i have like six notes on my phone filled with rough ramblings and drafts for what would eventually evolve into full-fledged scenes for glaciers. i have done this for so many other fics too. i write down haphazard dialogue in lowercase with typos. i write scene staging (just shit like "character does x and y and then feels x and y") and then write it properly into a scene when i get to my computer. inspiration strikes at the worst of times so just jot it down! do NOT listen to that tiny voice that says "oh i'll remember it" because you WON'T. you won't. your memory is not immaculate, and you will forget.

it really does help to just have a pool of random dialogue, scenes, etc to pull from. it helps me figure out what i'm writing next when i remember "oh yeah past me had this idea which i can add here!"

[lorkai]

 A/N: Yesterday was the last day of the asexual week and I knew I had to hurry to finish this oneshot in time. First because this has been in my drafts for months and second because I genuinely love his and Yuu's friendship, it's so cute and I hope we see more of that in chapter 7.

Warning: Fluff mostly, asexual and gender neutral!reader, first time writing for Malleus, he might be occ, also proofread only one time. Lemme know if there’s a typo pls! 

 --- Tagging: @rainiishowers @astershere @jabberwockk ​

When your chest heaved with uncertainty the only thing you could do was walk until your thoughts cleared, an attentive mind was what would keep you alive in this place after all. And since you arrived in Twisted Wonderland this has happened much more often, anxiety and fear consuming you at being in a totally unknown world and completely without a way to fight those idiots. They had magic while you only had a grumpy fire-breathing cat and your own fists.

It wasn't much, but it was enough for you to be able to snatch the magic pen from their hand and fight. And fighting was the only thing you could do to have a roof over your head and enough money to survive, even though Crowley made you work until your body was as heavy as lead and your mind was about to shut off from the world. Unsurprisingly, today was a day where you ran around, did your homework, took care of your three idiots, and did Crowley's job.

And there was only one problem. You couldn't sleep, couldn't think straight except for the things that awaited you in the morning, tasks that weren't yours but that you had to complete to receive enough Madols to continue living.

Or fight an overblot student, as this has become frequent.

The weather was hot, making you roll from one side of the bed to the other and sometimes face Grimm on his side of the bed, purring, sometimes muttering something you didn't understand. The sound of him purring would put you to sleep most nights, but today it just didn't work. Even scrolling through posts didn't work and counting sheep was a little too childish for you to consider the thought.

Tired of the restless hours and the heat, you got up and left the room. You intended to eat ice cream or whatever you had in the fridge and try to study for the exams that were almost there, even though you knew that tomorrow you would need energy and willingness to get through the day. You held back a sigh, imagining the things you'd fix once you got Crowley's generous allowance, maybe you'd buy a new sofa as the current one was falling apart. But looking up you decided it would be better to fix the roof, slight leaks were forming and you had already scraped both your knees from so many times you had slipped in puddles of water while walking in a hurry.

  The ghosts were starting to place bets on how much it would take for you to get seriously hurt, and while they were laughing at the situation, they were also careful to try and catch you before you fell - which again didn't work, as they were ghosts and couldn't touch you physically.

“Awake at this hour, child?” The ghost floated past you as if waiting for the right moment to snap you out of your melancholy thoughts, but also with the mischievous air of someone who intended to scare you. The smile on his face was all you needed to know to realize it and he laughed softly. “Try drinking hot milk to relax. I remember my mother always giving me milk with honey when I was just a little kid, I miss those days.”

But you denied it, indifferently.

"I'm going to eat ice cream." You told him, stretching. You considered drinking iced milk for a moment before dismissing the idea, Grimm would go crazy if he didn't have milk to drink in the morning and you weren't even that fond of it.

“Oh well, I don't think it's good… Hm? Oh, he's there again?" The ghost muttered and broke off, turning toward the window as if he'd heard something you hadn't. Surreptitiously he approached the window to spy something outside that had caught his attention, his gestures were careful and thoughtful as it seemed that he didn't want to be seen by whoever was outside. And curious, you approached him and looked too, but at first you didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "It is so strange. He always shows up at this time and wanders around outside, sometimes humming, sometimes playing his game. Formerly he even dared to enter here. I find it so lonely. Anyway, go to sleep, child, I'm sure you'll feel better in the morning. Goodnight."

And just as he suddenly appeared, the ghost disappeared through the walls. But the doubt was already in your head and ignoring all your common sense you opened the door and the urge to eat ice cream, and ventured against the gusts of dry wind and the persistent heat. You didn't care so much about the lack of an air conditioner anymore, but Crowley could be generous enough to give you a fan at least. And it almost made your tired mind laugh. If he had the option to continue procrastinating he would do so without a shadow of a doubt.

The tall grass was at your ankles and the sensation would almost tickle you if it weren't irritating, you analyzed the scenery in front of you meticulously trying to see what lurked in the dark of the night and only then noticed the person resting under the old willow tree. The black and green uniform managed to camouflage him between the tall trees and the dark of a moonless night, if you didn't know what you were looking for then you certainly wouldn't notice him there, but you noticed him and you decided to approach him with carefree steps. Perhaps the lack of sleep made you dumber than you already were. But you've faced greater dangers than just a guy sitting on the grass in your dorm.

And what could he do? You asked with a silent laugh.

  He didn't seem capable of hurting anyone, though his face grew serious with every step you took towards him. But that didn't stop you as you imagined the reasons he would be there, at that time. Maybe he also had trouble sleeping at night or just went out to clear his head like you did sometimes, as the ghost said he was definitely humming something, though your human ears were unable to capture the beauty of the sound until it was too late and he has stopped humming.

Or maybe, the ironic thought raced through your brain, you had finally reached a deep exhaustion and were creating a person in your mind that you could talk to normally. It was ironic that the NRC therapist needed another therapist.

  His green eyes were mesmerizing and tinged with danger. But what caught your attention the most were the prominent horns sticking out of his head and how you wanted to touch them. You didn't doubt for a second that they were real, after all the encounter with Leona, the dorm leader of Savanaclaw, who had the ears and tail of a lion was still fresh in your memory. And you refrained from touching them without permission, smiling as you crouched in front of him, a few feet away.

“Um, are you okay? What are you doing here?" you asked, running your eyes over his body to make sure you didn't see any apparent injuries. Sighing, you concluded that he must have gone there for another reason when all he did was smile as if he was amused at something, his eyes twinkling in an odd way. You scratched your neck like you didn't know how to react to that, Twisted Wonderland was really testing your limits to be proactive and know how to act with every awkward situation thrown your way.

  He denied. “This is a surprise. You're a child of man, aren't you?”

You shrugged, laughing softly at the nickname he'd bestowed on you. Despite the strangeness you could see that he really wouldn't do you any harm.

“So this derelict dorm that I've taken as my own for all this time actually has a new owner after all, it's a shame. I really wish I had a place where I could enjoy the silence.” Malleus shifted and sat cross-legged as he stared at a fixed point lost in the darkness. To you he seemed to be lost in thought, he didn't even blink when you waved your hand in front of his face. But the fae paid attention to your gestures, studied them, and found it funny how you acted with concern rather than fear.

A lonely smile played across his face while he thought about how other people would be running and profusely apologizing for interrupting him during his rest, how they feared him simply because he was more powerful than they were. But there is no power without humility and he would never do anything against people without having a reason to do so. "If this dorm is no longer abandoned I should find another place for my next night outing, I guess this is my cue to say goodbye then, child of man."

The boy in front of you got up and straightened his robes. He looked ready to leave and perhaps it was best to leave him, as your experiences with all the inhabitants of Twisted Wonderland had been interesting, to say the least, but dangerous. However, you held his hand on impulse, probably because he looked familiar to you. It reminded you of a certain mystical being that brought you comfort as you explored the world and sought to understand who you were.

"Or you can keep coming." You offered and he was considering the offer, and you noticed how he was weighing the pros and cons equally as he straightened his gloves and dusted off his uniform. "Only me and my grumpy cat live here, so it wouldn't be a problem if you joined us once in a while."

“You have no knowledge of who I am, do you, child of man?” Was his immediate response, circling you in slow steps as he watched confusion paint your face. The air around him told you he'd already made his decision before he'd even said it aloud, that the confidence in his smile and the soft way his eyes gleamed heralded the start of something interesting. “Do you not fear me? Aren't you afraid that I might do something to you?”

You suppressed a laugh and slapped his arm in a friendly gesture. “Of course I do, I'm not that innocent and I've had some problems since I got here. But with every passing second it's hard to be scared when all I'm thinking about is whether I can touch your horns or not." You said it sincerely. You raised your hands in the air, but you waited for some kind of positive reaction to your comment so you could actually do that. “I don't know if this sounds weird but you remind me of a dragon. I think it's because of the horns and you know, dragons are important symbols for people like me. It reminds me of home, at least.”

Suddenly, Malleus doubled over with laughter and it was more than obvious that he hadn't expected that heartfelt answer. He was a strange guy, you supposed, but at least his laugh was merry and it took most of your tiredness away easily and you joined him in laughing, a soft, genuine laugh influenced by his glee.

“You amuse me, child of man.” He actually declared. "May I ask you a question?"

You nodded, moving your hand to emphasize that he had permission to do so. You shifted your weight from one leg to the other as you waited for him to collect his thoughts and ask the question he seemed to want to ask, you suppressed a laugh as the grass hit your ankles again and focused your attention on his green eyes.

“When you say dragons are important symbols for people like you, what do you mean?” It was a genuine question that anyone could have, but you always answered it in a clumsy way because for some people it didn't make sense and they were rude when they expressed their opinions camouflaged with prejudice on the subject. It would be a shame if the boy in front of you was one of those people, but you could see a special glint in his eye and you were pretty sure that wasn't the case.

"It's a bit of a long story." You said turning towards your dorm, not caring about the time or the hot weather that still bothered you. “Mind if we talk while we eat ice cream?”

For someone his size, Malleus nearly jumped and let out a squeal of excitement at the invitation. But he regained his composure quickly and hid what he felt behind a forced, loud cough, finally agreeing to escort you into the dorm so you could chat some more while enjoying a good old-fashioned ice cream. It was easy to tell it was his favorite dessert from the way he was almost floating down the stairs to the door, a shy little smile on his lips.

If he'd noticed how old everything was, he'd been kind enough not to mention it in front of you, escorting you into the kitchen to watch the careful way you poured two bowls of ice cream and hummed a tune he didn't know.

“Here it is, hope you like it!” You handed him a bowl of ice cream, smiling. And he thanked you with a polite nod, pushing his long hair behind his ear before eating the delicious dessert. “My name is Yuu, by the way. What is your name?"

The boy in front of you laughed once more before giving you an enigmatic look. “I prefer that you remain without that knowledge. You see, it's for your own good, I assure you. However, I grant you permission to give me a nickname.”

Granted, the toothless human version could be a little eccentric, but you looked at it through a more optimistic lens and thought of various puns on dragons and their names. Tiamat, Sunfyre, Toothless and many other names, but you ended up choosing the nickname Tsunotaro. In your head it made complete sense, at least and suited him.

"Well, as promised I'll tell you why dragons are important." You left your ice cream bowl on the sink as you came to sit on the counter, standing at the same height as Tsunotaro. The common nervousness and anxiety of coming out tickled your belly, but at that point you already knew how to handle it and took a deep breath. “There’s a thing called asexuality, it is a sexuality characterized by a lack of attraction and a desire to, umm, have intimate relationships with someone. Some asexual people like to cuddle and kiss and be in romantic relationships and situations. Other people may not be interested in any of this either, it varies greatly from person to person. Got the general idea?”

Tsunotaro nodded, still eating his ice cream slowly savoring all its flavors and listening to every word you said with great interest.

“Well, as we were little seen and understood by society we kind of associate asexuality with dragons. They don't exist in the world I come from, but I've always taken comfort in the thought of them, as they are so free and big and strong and happy." You smiled with the memories of your past. How you spent hours drawing messy dragons in your notebooks or making plans to invade Denmark while eating garlic bread. Those were the happiest and loneliest days, mainly because you hadn't had the opportunity to meet many people like you or who fully understood your expectations and fears. “You reminded me of a dragon because of your horns. I hope you don't find this too strange or offensive."

Tsunotaro, however, waved his hand away to dismiss your worried thought. “You are certainly not wrong, child of man, since in part I am a dragon, yes. With a pair of horns and a tail, and if I wanted I could take the full form of a dragon, so I'm flattered to think that thousands of people adore my kind and feel safe and happy when they think of us.”

He smiled. A relaxed, happy smile as he leaned his back against the counter you sat on, the silence that fell between the two of you was the comfortable kind. Almost as if two good old friends had been reunited after a long time apart. "You... You can touch them if you still want to, fufu." he said suddenly, lowering his head and peering in your direction with one of his emerald eyes.

But you hesitated. You had just met him and it felt so strange to touch his horns all of a sudden, but when you looked at him and realized he was serious and he really didn't care, you touched them. From base to tip, feeling the texture and trying to remember if you've ever touched anything that looked like this.

Unbelieving that a sleepless night made you befriend a half dragon, you look into Tsunotaro's face intently and study each expression carefully. How he shivers at the chills running down his spine when you hold his horns, how he closes his eyes and sighs when you massage them. As he goes silent, you decide to go ahead with it. It's so weird, but it's so interesting at the same time. Despite their appearance, they are soft and warm to the touch and he seems to enjoy having his horns massaged like that. The relaxed expression he wears makes you laugh, it's almost like petting a kitten and watching its reactions. He's cute like that.

"You know, I believe we'll be good friends." You mumble softly. At the very least, you hope that after all this the two of you can be friends, as he seemed like someone genuinely nice to spend time with.

The sweet sound of his laughter echoed through the kitchen as he looked at you. "I'd love it if we were friends, child of man. Could you tell me more about asexuality?"

You nodded enthusiastically, feeling really welcomed and comfortable. And for the rest of the night you and he were talking about it, making jokes and puns and just having fun.

And that was the story of how you met Malleus Draconia. For people who would like a more elaborate and challenging plot this could be a rather ordinary and boring story, but for him and for you it was a pleasant story and full of good memories. A story of a dragon and his ace friend.

[megachaoticstupid]

All the things he hates

When i saw @wrathofrats's gifs where Alpha and Omega were kind to a kid in the venue, I blacked out and this fic happened. I haven't written in 6 years and English is not my firt language, so, please, don't mind mistakes or typos

Word count: 1108

He wasn’t sure when it all started, but, maybe, at the very, very beginning.

He always hated when human babies cried. They wailed like the loudest siren, demanding attention, crying because of the slightest changes in their small lives and roared when their parents left them. Especially orphans. They were constantly crying and calling for the parents they will never learn to know. And he always hated it. Kids in his pack back in hell never demanded attention, because they were always provided with that, but humans, even if they cared, couldn’t help these tiny humans, only able to cover their basic needs and provide only necessary nurture. Even in the satanic church. And the newest addition, only month old, was the loudest child he had ever heard. She cried day and night, asking for the bits of attention she could never receive in the fullest, she mourned the mother, who left her in childbirth and joined her Siblings under the Lucifer’s wing, and the father, who didn’t even know she existed. And, as Omega lived almost near the infirmary, he was going mad with her tiniest pleas until he finally snapped.  In a week he was going around the abbey, as if nothing happened, finally at peace and enjoying the quiet around him. And, just like his mother did to him in his short-lived youth, he was carrying her in a bundle of cute rose-pink covers, gently nestling her in the curve of his tail.

He hated, how tiny and fragile she was, especially compared to him. Even though he knew, that amongst his kin he was considered a giant, he couldn’t help himself to be in awe at her tiny frame, making him scared to ever hurt her. And, on the contrary, she was never scared of any scratches, learning how to walk early enough for him not to babyproof Alpha’s and his quarters in time. He couldn’t even count how many times he had to kiss her boo-boos and wipe away her tears, and how many times he felt the dread when she began to fall down after a rather unsteady step.

He hated that his duty required from him to leave her with other ghouls, when he was touring with Papas. He just hated to miss out on her every achievement, her any sorrow and happiness. He had already missed her first steps and was losing more precious moments with her. Even if they sent him and Alpha all of the photos and videos, it was never enough. They missed her too much to be satiated with these tributes of their daughter. And he was always scared, that if they tour too long, she will not recognize them after a while.

He always grumbled how he hates bright colours and never agreed to put in their bedroom anything too flashy. But now, as she learned how to hold a pencil, their walls, the fridge, the nightstand - almost every surface is littered with her drawings and he lookes at them every night before they all go to bed. Bright colours no longer irritate his eyes, they soothed him, reminding him of every single moment he and his husband spend with her. He likes the little stories she puts in them, he liked the shapes her childish mind invented and he couldn’t help but laugh at some of the pictures of him, Alpha and any of Papas she made. They looked almost like a caricature, sometimes highlighting their shortcomings in such a funny way, that he always fought a fit of laughter when she showed him them. His favourite were: Alpha without his mouth, because he had scolded her a night before for eating too many candies, Papa Emeterius III performing a silly dance with the biggest smile known to mankind, him, looking like a building next to every ghoul in the picture. These ones he carried in his wallet until they were too worn out.

He hated to worry about raising her into a decent adult, waiting for her to start speaking, bringing her to various doctors the Ministry could provide. Trying all of the recipes books and hacks to help her to start talking. He blamed himself for not being a good father, for always being absent on tours and not doing well enough for her. Never doing well enough for her. Even Alpha couldn’t help to ease his worries, to soothe his worrying soul, while they tried every speech therapist they knew. And through all of these worrying visits, the source of his worries was sitting on his shoulders, pulling on his horns and giggling. The first time he heard her say the first word, he was heartbroken, talking to her via phone and being miles and miles away from her. But at least he was there for her thousands of “Daddy’s” after that.

He hated her tears when she was ill and trembling from fever and exhaustion. He couldn’t help but feel helpless, when she looked at him, pale, weak, tearing and sobbing, while doctor checked her. He felt helpless, when she refused to eat even a light soup, made for her by loving hands of someone from the pack. And he agreed to her every whim just to make her feel better, loved and cared for. These days they never left her side, too doting and scared for her health to even think about it, watching with their daughter her favourite cartoons and persuading her to eat anything.

He hated her fear of the dark and how she woke them up in the middle of the night, crying and trembling, climbing in their bed to guard herself from the imaginary monsters with the love of literal monsters of hell. Even if they found it amusing, they never told her, welcoming her in their arms and whispering reassurances that they will always protect her from any monsters.

He just hated to miss her so much, when every child in the venue reminded him of her. He hated to be apart from his daughter, always worrying for her health and well-being. He just hated to leave their home and leave her. And most of all, he hated to beg the Ministry to let Alpha and him to retire. Even if Terzo agreed immediately, the Ministry didn’t want to budge that easily. But, after all of the turmoil, bickering and arguments, they were finally allowed to rest, to spend the much-needed time with her. And he never regretted this decision, because for all of the things he hated there were a thousand more things he loved.

[not-poignant]

I just saw Janusz’s surname and it’s missing a “g” (it should be Bogdanowicz if you’re using existing Polish surnames). (Please ignore this message if it’s rude, I thought it may be a typo!) Also, thank you so so much for making one of your characters Polish and not changing his name (I’m looking at you Teen Wolf!)

It is for sure missing a 'g'!

It's been Anglicised - as in, Bodanowicz is actually found as an Anglicised spelling of Bogdanowicz in Australia, the UK and the USA (along with Bodanowitz).

He's not a Polish person who has freshly moved to Australia and therefore is much more likely to have kept the spelling of his surname. He's someone who had his Polish parents / grandparents come over, at a time when the Anglicisation of surnames was a lot more common (see artists like Jaduiga Bodanowicz).

I'm someone whose legal surname is in the same situation due to my grandparents immigrating over, my legal surname clearly 'foreign' and European but it was also altered very slightly to make it more appealing to people and it was never changed back again! If I go to the Netherlands now, some people would be like 'hey that's not quite right' but it is where I live, because it's legal and it's all I've ever known. My Oma completely changed her first name and was so ashamed of it, I never knew it until a few years before her death. She went by a very 'western' name instead (Coree/Corey).

So yeah, it would for sure be incorrect in Poland, but a lot of foreign names were altered slightly or significantly to make them more 'palatable' when people came to Australia which while not a great practice, I thought would be realistic to Janusz' heritage. There's a whole back-story about it (including why his parents decided to give him a name where they were like 'fuck it, we're not anglicising that anymore'), but basically it was a deliberate choice to more accurately reflect what a lot of foreign immigrants did when they came to Australia some decades ago.

Janusz' relationship to his Polish heritage and how he balances that with being Australian is something that he has some thoughts on in general, since like many Europeans who immigrated over, some worked quite hard to not quite erase their heritage, but simply not teach it to their kids, with the belief 'you're in Australia now.'

Sadly not a typo, just...what scared, displaced and uncertain immigrants did sometimes (and honestly still do sometimes) to try and fit in better in a new home.

[zaenaris]

Tokyo Revengers 272

So... it seems Shin time leaped only once and what the day of the plane toy was broken OG!Timeline Shin was there too fix things.

I re-read ch.272 and 241 side by side because obviously we didn’t see Shin’s reaction to Mikey being alive. 

I guess it’s because he was knocked out by Mikey’s kick

In ch.241 we don’t see him faint, we just see Mikey running away. I mean. it seems that Mikey running away and Senju talking about how cool the plane toy is are consecutive, Shin is awake and looks normal, not like in this chapter

Mikey says it out loud he’s acting strange. Truth to be told, Senju doesn’t seems to be around in this scene.

Idk, either these scenes are not consecutive and this is were the scene in ch 272 fit in, so it was not the smoothest addition (ok it makes sense plot wise, but re-reading ch.241 idk where the scene when Shin realizes he time leaped fits) or there will be some other jump back and forth in time??? But it doesn’t seems, given the events of the chapter and of the story as we know it

On the other hand, now we understand thanks to ch 272 where everyone where when Senju broke the toy: out for a ride. Senju and Haru were at home with Emma and Grandpa Sano (but I mean, Shin and Takeomi took for a ride only Mikey and Baji, ditching the other kids?!? lol omg... okay I guess)

Of course maybe I am missing something about when the events happened lol

Because from what it seems, what we see in the end of the chapter is “our” 2003, the current timeline, the year when Shin dies.

Assuming Shin goes to Sanzu the same night of the accident, it is still July 30th 1999 (translation says 1997 but I guess it’s a typo, on the calendar it seems 1999, which makes sense since Mikey and Haru would be 9 and attending the 4th year of elementary and Senju the 3rd - also 1999+4=2003, the year Shin dies)

Haru is confirmed to be. the trigger, he’s always been very loyal to Mikey after all. Idk if at this point, when he shake’s Shin’s hands he already had the memories of OG timeline (don’t think so) but regardless it’s confirmed he’s the trigger, like many of us correctly guessed.

If, as it seems, this is the current timeline, Shin came back in the "new" 2003 and doesn't come back anymore... this means that after living 4 years of hell trying to help a comatose Mikey, Emma running from home, Grandpa dying, Mama dying (presumably?) just to die 2 weeks later?  This man knew no peace...

Also, something else I’m wondering

-  OG!Timeline. Shin didn't know Izana and Inupi, nor Draken? the "other" Shin, the one that lived when OG!Timeline Shin shaked hands with Haru left, knew them, but not the Shin we are following in these chapter?? 

-why Waka knows about time leaping?did he notice Shin was acting weird and asked him what was wrong? Why did Shin told him?

- how much Sanzu know? It seems from how te talks he's aware of OG timeline, maybe 'cause he's the trigger(just like Naoto knew)

Idk, I feel there is something that doesn’t add up in this chapter, but of course we don’t know the whole thing yet, and it’s a mystery story, it’s normal to feel like this I guess.

But there are some moments that I’m a little bit skeptical about

Anyway, as always, curious to read the next chapter

[lnights]

hi bat! 🖤 since you mentioned being happy to receive mini fic suggestions here is one for you! what about a joonas/Joel best friends to lovers story where one of them has to move out of his apartment fast for some reason and the other accepts to host them in the meantime (obviously there was only one bed...) cue a lot of pining and domesticity? hope you have a good day!! - 🐺

Hello!

Sorry this took so long, and sorry if there is typos, I wrote this instead of sleeping.

...

"Thank you." Joonas said with a heavy sigh.

"No problem," Joel said with a shrug, carrying a couple of hastily packed boxes. "How did your apartment flood?"

"The fucking apartment above me," Joonas grunted, "Their kid left the tub running and flooded their bathroom and my bedroom is soaked now."

Joel nodded and led him into his apartment, Joonas lamenting waking up with water dripping on his chest, getting worse as he had gotten up and called the super.

"You sure you're ok with me staying here while my place gets fixed?" Joonas asked.

"Of course," Joel told him.

It's not like he would kick his best friend out on the street, and they lived next door to each other, why would he make him go somewhere else?

They got the boxes settled down in Joel's living room and Joonas flopped back on the couch, chuckling and leaning back.

"So what are we doing tonight roomie?" Joonas asked, "movie? I'll make dinner."

"You don't have to." Joel protested.

"It's the least I can do." Joel waved him off, "I'll go to the store."

"I'll drive." Joel said with a sigh, knowing there was no point in arguing with Joonas.

It wasn't until they were in the car that the surreality of the situation hit him.

Joonas, the man he had been in love with since fucking highschool, was in his car. That wasn't weird at all, he would give him a ride to the studio often, but this was different.

They were going grocery shopping together, they were going to go back to his apartment together and Joonas was going to make them dinner while Joel found a movie for them.

It was so domestic.

The kind of easy night he had dreamed about so many times; dinner, tv, maybe casually playing their guitars together before going to bed and falling asleep wrapped in each other's arms.

Maybe Joonas kissing him senseless first, grabbing his hair and yanking it back so he could kiss his throat and make his brain shut up for a blissful while-

"I'm thinking of this one dish," Joonas told him, breaking his thoughts, "I made it the other night, I think you'll like it-"

Joel nodded as Joonas described the dish while they parked, seeming to float along as Joonas practically danced down the aisles, grabbing ingredients and throwing them into the cart Joel was pushing.

Joel took a deep breath as they went to check out and Joonas ran back to grab something he missed; trying to get his thoughts under control. They were not a couple lazily shopping together, going to spend a quiet night together. Joonas was his best friend, his twin, and he was just helping him out by letting him stay at his place.

Joonas came back with a bottle of white wine in his hand, slipping it in the cart with a wink, saying it would go well with their meal.

Oh hell, was Joonas trying to play into his hopeless fantasy?

Of course he wasn't, he would never do that.

But how could he hope to put it out of his head while Joonas happily cooked in his kitchen, singing along while Joel played his guitar? He wasn't inept at cooking but he rarely found the will to make a sad meal for one, so his home was rarely filled with the smells of sizzling vegetables and the warmth of it made his heart ache.

He was glad when Joonas told him to put on a movie while he dished up their meals, thinking he would find some action movie that would distract him.

But it was hard to put it out of his mind when Joonas sat by him instead of in the armchair next to the couch like he expected, handing him a plate and glass of wine.

Joel briefly wondered if he had pissed off some deity above, that he had to endure two hours of Joonas curled up against him, head leaning on his shoulder after they finished eating, pale blonde curls tickling his nose.

He cursed himself for choosing an action movie, it was mindless and he couldn't help but imagine what it would be like if this was just a normal day for them, maybe coming home from the studio together and unwinding; maybe he would actually be able to sleep through the night for once.

They were halfway through the sequel, the bottle of wine finished, when Joonas yawned on his shoulder, a ridiculously cute yawn Joel thought half hysterically, how could a yawn from an adult man be cute?

"Can I sleep in your bed?" Joonas asked sleepily, eyes already drifting shut.

"Gonna kick me out of my own bed?" Joel grumbled, but he seemed to already be asleep.

With a sigh he turned off the TV and shifted so he could pick him up bridal style, carrying him to bed and laying him on a pillow.

He looked so peaceful, none of the chaotic energy that usually matched and outdid his own.

He swallowed the sudden lump in his throat, if only he could have this, wake up to that peaceful face every morning…

Joel pulled the blanket over him and was about to leave when a hand caught his wrist.

"Stay." Joonas mumbled.

Joel froze, looking down to see a sliver of bright blue looking up at him, eyes still mostly closed.

"You wanna share?" Joel whispered, not wanting to wake him further.

"Mmmhmmm." Joonas sighed, "thought I was being obvious."

"About what?" Joel asked, "what do you mean?"

"Made you dinner, had wine and movies." Joonas muttered, not seeming to be quiet as asleep as he had a moment ago.

"Well when you say it like that it almost sounds like a date." Joel laughed.

Joonas just hummed a little, as if waiting for him to realize something.

"Did… did you mean it as a date?" Joel stammered, trying to not let his heart get all warm and fuzzy.

Joonas sighed and pushed himself up in bed, tugging at Joel's wrist to bring him closer.

"Yeah, I did." He said, "I hadn't been planning to be living here when I asked you out but fate decided differently." He looked up at him, eyes clear of sleep. "If you want, I can go to sleep and in the morning we can act like this never happe-"

"Scoot over." Joel cut him off.

Joonas stared at him for a moment before smiling and scooting back, Joel trying to keep his breathing normal as he slipped into bed by him, pulling the blanket over both of them.

If this was some realistic dream, he would take it, he would take any way he could get close to Joonas.

But the soft press of Joonas lips to his sure as hell felt real.

They would have a lot to talk about in the morning.

[silkiemae]

The Sun and its Shade by Piper CJ

Edit 3/6/2023: That’s right, folks. I came back and forced myself to finish this stupid book because I have absolutely no self-control. If you were wondering if it gets any better after the 40% mark, it doesn’t. Strap in because the kid gloves are coming off. 

thank you to NetGalley for the ARC copy

THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THIS BOOK IN THIS REVIEW

the writing I know this is an ARC, so hopefully, these errors will be fixed by the time it's published, but there were a lot of punctuation marks and typos that needed to be corrected. Multiple instances of missing quotation marks when the chapter is starting with dialogue. The prose is just as overwritten as usual. Piper uses 97 words when she could use 5. It comes off just as pretentious and melodramatic as it did in the last book. Everything is so over the top that I constantly rolled my eyes. She misuses words all the time and has ridiculous metaphors that you have to reread 2 or 3 times just to make sense of. Basically, everything is as convoluted as it possible could be. Maybe some of ya’ll like this, but objectively this is not good writing. Sorry, not sorry. 

plot/characters So at the end of book one, Amaris and Gadriel escape from a battle arena on the back of a dragon, HP style and then jump off its back and conveniently land right next to this magic academy. The book ends, and one would assume that the sequel will lead to Amaris going to the academy and learning to hone her magic. If you thought that, then you would be WRONG. 

So we start exactly where we left off with little to no recapping of what happened in the last book. You're expected to remember, but it's hard considering how many unnecessary words are jammed between what little plot is actually in these books. They get taken to the magic school, and everyone thinks Gadriel is a demon, and they want to cage and study him. In some supremely dramatic and ridiculous monologuing, Amaris convinces the masters of the school that he's harmless. Amaris convinces herself Gadriel(now Gad) is her new best friend, but when Gadriel says, 'we fought together in Aubade' in response to being asked ', what does this woman mean to you?' she loses her MIND. She gets so assblasted mad because she thought they were friends, but APPARENTLY NOT. It's pathetic and ridiculous, and like Amaris is so naive and has no idea how the real world works at all. She cannot conceive why Gadriel won't share secrets he was sworn to keep with her even after he explains it could mean his life. Like how is Amaris supposed to be likeable lol?? Because Gadriel said they weren’t friends, and Amaris took that shit personally. Then he blames her for his shredded wings, and as usual, Amaris can’t take responsibility, much like her author counterpart. And this becomes a recurring thing in the book. Amaris stays butthurt nearly 500 pages in all because Gadriel said that she was ‘someone he fought together with’. Literally the entire book is them hot and cold with one another and it's exhausting. Neither of them are likable at all. 

They look at some books at the academy for two seconds, find zero answers and guess that this tower of magic has everything they need. And conveniently, it does. They climb 10,000 steps and find the hall of prophecies from the order of the phoenix (you know, the room full of shelves with glowing blue orbs well, this room also has shelves with glowing blue orbs, but the shelves are spiral-shaped, so it’s not plagiarism, guys.) otherwise known as the hall of orbs, and Amaris realizes the floor is invisible and there's an illusion cast over it. Gadriel goes to step over it, and instead of warning him like a normal person, Amaris screams wordlessly. That's it. Then she starts berating him for not paying attention to his surroundings, even though she should know by now that she can see illusions, but Amaris is too stupid to figure this out. After all, she's been aware of her powers for three years and only just started questioning their limitations and capabilities. She is literally an idiot. Gadriel asks Amaris if he can make the jump. She reads WAY too much into this question and thinks, "oh my god, Gadriel is putting his LIFE in my HANDS. He TRUSTS me." And I'm like...bitch; you're the only one who can see the distance. Are you for real rn? Anyway, he makes the jump, and Amaris cries in relief. Literally cries. Imagine if Indiana Jones cried in relief every time he solved a booby trap puzzle while searching tombs. He would look like an idiot. Amaris has a full-blown panic attack, considers leaving and becoming a seamstress and then jumps, doesn't make it, and almost dies, and then Gadriel saves her. They touch some magical glowing blue balls, get sucked into a pensieve(I mean orb), and see some curses/blessings where faeries explode into golden dust. They meet the oldest man ever, who happens to show them the exact thing they needed to see, then get tossed from the Tardis Tower. (it’s bigger on the inside)

Gadriel gets some conveniently 'manufactured' wings and can now fly again(literally has no lasting ill effects of having his wings literally shredded), and then they realize they've learned everything they needed to know and leave. (WHAT? YOU HAVE LEARNED LITERALLY NOTHING) They try to convince Amaris to stay, and she pretends like she's going to and then leaves at night, but it's the most dramatic thing ever. She tries to write it like it's something worthy of ballads, but there is no good reason why it would be. They didn't even do anything there. And that's it. That's all that happens with Amaris' magical boarding school plot, and that's when I realized how much of a waste of time this bullshit book is. You had a whole ass magical boarding school, and you didn't use it at all?? You could've had Amaris attend school, actually learn some things since she is the biggest idiot ever and then solve a whole mystery of how the school is corrupt and experimenting on people with unique magic while also searching for the answers to the curse. But no, Amaris learns about her powers in a different way, and WE WILL TALK ABOUT THAT IN A MOMENT. 

There’s a line I want to point out that I found hilariously ironic, and Piper(and Amaris) should take her own fucking advice. ” Ignorance is no one’s fault, but once you’re made aware of your lack, the choice to remain oblivious is when you become culpable.” So, if this is true, then why didn’t Amaris take advantage of the magic school so that she could not be ignorant about her abilities? Why does she continue to be ignorant of how she speaks with Gadriel by calling him terms she knows are offensive and racist? If this is true, why wouldn’t Piper fix what people have pointed in her book out as being racist, ableist and plagiarized. Why wouldn’t she do the work so she can not be an ignoramus? Hmmmm...

Now, the way that Amaris chooses to learn to wield her power is she ‘verbally consents’ to allow Gadriel to help train her. This book has a warning for consensual breathplay, but once again, Piper is full of shit and a liar. Saying, “yes, I would like you to train me to use my magic”, does not equate to “I consent to you strangling me in my sleep.” Yep, you read that right. Gadriel waits until Amaris is deep asleep, stands over her in a position that will ensure she can’t fight him off and strangles her until she explodes with sonic power(much like Ciri's power from the show....god, the plagiarism just will not stop.) And when she gets upset, he berates her for not using their safe word (snowbird). Tell me, how the fuck was she going to use a safe bird when you are cutting off her airway? How is she going to speak, let alone breathe? He says that he’s doing what any general would do for his troops, but in what fucking universe does a general strangle their troops in their sleep? This is not consensual breathplay, Piper, and if you think it is, then you need to reevaluate yourself and look up the definition of the word consent. 

Now on to Nox. Nox has been honestly just as irrelevant in this book as she was in the last book. She’s hanging out with Malik and Ash and has become a sudden Yes Man, and after literally a week hanging out with them, she decides she loves Malik. Are you fucking kidding me? This honestly makes me mad because Nox was coded as a lesbian. I don’t give a fuck if Piper says she’s bisexual. She wrote about her being repulsed by men, preferring women’s company. She literally says she doesn’t like men and prefers women, but because Piper really wanted to write some hetero smut, she forced her to be bisexual? Stupid af. Not to mention her obsession with Amaris. Has she suddenly forgotten about that all because one guy was nice to her? That’s pathetic. Stand your fuckin ground, Nox. Having her fall for Malik in this is a bad call because it nullifies the fact that she fought her way free from having to fuck men against her will just to get to the woman she loves, only to immediately fall for a guy for literally no reason. Malik doesn’t do anything to deserve being called ‘pure’ because he is literally no better than a sexy lamp at this point. If she had taken the time to actually cultivate a relationship here where Nox slowly learns to trust Malik, that would be a completely different story. But Piper was too eager to jump in and write smut. 

I also think it’s a strange choice to make your ‘dark fae’(which, according to Gadriel, is a racist term that has been used very freely throughout the entire book) have their powers associated with ‘nightlife’ and then make them all dubious POC. She even made their country's flag ‘bronze for the skin of its people’. That is a supremely weird thing to do. Nox literally says she is good at being sneaky because of her dark fae blood, which is also what makes her ‘bronze’. Gadriel, who is also dubiously brown, is good at picking locks. Like…Piper….what the fuck are you doing???? Stop being RACIST!!!???

Everything that happens in this book is pure convenience. Nox and Amaris constantly stumble upon the answers. There is no motivation; there is no urgency. Nox dallies most of the time at the Duke of Henares' house, eating a malum malus she got from the tree of life(which is called Yggdrasil because Piper can't make up original concepts, apparently, and has to steal from everything else). She sees the tree’s memories and watches this princess pray to the All-Mother for protection for her son. Then we find out that the priestess, who is only ever referred to as the Tarkhany woman with ‘onyx skin’, was blessed by the All Mother with immaculate conception and guess who the baby was? You guessed it. Amaris. The super white snowflake was immaculately conceived by a woman with very dark skin(because Piper has a really weird obsession with the contrast of dark and light skin, I guess). This is what they say to the nameless priestess(who actually dies earlier in this book in a very throwaway scene) when she asks if she gets to raise the child she just birthed. ”The child belongs to everyone and no one, beloved….This babe is the manifestation o the prayers of the faithful.” So not only is Amaris literally the purest PERFECT SNOWFLAKE ON EARTH BECAUSE SHE IS A MANIFESTATION OF A PRAYER(in other words, Jesus), but a nameless black woman was used and killed off for no other purpose than to be her vessel. 

We later discover that Nox's pen pal from the Chamber of Secrets, aka Tom Riddle, was actually the Gray Matron all along! She gets Nox to travel all the way back to the orphanage and tells her the truth(even though she had a literal magic quill she could've used to save everyone some time). Ya'll are gonna love this. Turns out that Princess Daphne, Queen Moirai's daughter, had a child with King Ceres from Raascot(the dark fae king dude). Daphne was apparently already married, and so to hide her child from this nameless husband, she goes to this CHILD MILL, leaves her daughter there and asks for a baby(specifically a boy) with similar coloring to her baby's. Then she leaves Nox there with the Grey Matron and brings the boy back with her and the boy immediately gets murdered because the nameless husband knows it's not his. This has left me with so many questions.

a) how did the orphanage/child mill have a baby of Nox's exact coloring when in TNAIM, we're told that Nox is a novelty and people of her complexion are never sold at the orphanage? She is literally put on display as a trophy becauseof her skin tone. So how did they manage to have a baby to exchange conveniently? (also, wow, way to callously kill some nameless child, Piper.)  b) how did no one realize Daphne had a baby girl? were there no midwives when she gave birth? this is medieval times; I highly doubt she gave birth alone because there's a huge chance of her dying. So how is it not a single soul outside of the nameless priestess and Agnes knew that Daphne actually had a girl? When Daphne went to the temple to pray for help, she asks for help specifically for her son. Why would she ask for help for a son she does not have? I know Piper was trying to trick us or whatever, but...that's just bad writing? Do you think the All-Mother is gonna realize you're actually talking about your hidden daughter, Daphne?  c)why, if Agnes never intended for Nox to be sold, did she allow Millicent to take her to the brothel? She says she didn't know how to deny her without spilling the beans, so she just....lets Nox be taken? In what world does that make sense? If she's supposed to protect Nox why did she let Nox think it was Amaris who needed to be protected? Why would she allow Nox to put herself in harm's way to protect Amaris? Why would she allow Nox to be whipped? Why would they constantly talk about Amaris being perfect and unmarred if it was truly Nox who was the important one and they knew it all along? None of this makes sense. 

Nox was named Nox, so she wouldn't forget the north. Fucking kill me. Well, she clearly knew nothing about it, so. 

Amaris tells Gadriel that she got turned on when he choked her nonconsensually, so then he chokes her consensually(even though she freaked out when he choked her and this could easily trigger her into another panic attack, but okay.). She blows him, and he finger bangs her while choking her but won't take her virginity because it should be gentler the first time. First of all, you cannot tell me that Amaris still has her 'maidenhood' when she's been riding horses all this time. Piper doesn't know shit about horseback riding, though, and that's obvious. Second of all, I am convinced Piper has a secret incest kink. Why do you ask? 

Well, Nox and Amaris were written as sisters, but now they're apparently star-crossed lovers? (yet they're boning random men along their journey to find one another. Makes sense.) Nox and Amaris are actually 100% based on Yennefer and Ciri from the Witcher, which is a mother/daughter relationship(Piper can say this book has nothing to do with the Witcher all she likes, she literally dedicated to this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt. We're not idiots.). Amaris calls her fellow reevers her 'brothers' and then tries to fuck one of them. And now she has a daddy kink with Gadriel(proven by the fact that Piper continuously calls him Dadriel.) 

Don’t give your money to Piper CJ. 

currently reading

This is what happens when you write a book in 9 days and don’t accept constructive criticism. You get sentences like this. 

“She knew she was about to watch the head of a man as it was gnawed from where it connected to his shoulders.”

The whole book is like this. How did this pass the beta reading process?? This is not ready for publication. 

pre-review

ya'll remember that time that Piper said that TNAIM wasn't even inspired by the witcher and then she went ahead and dedicated this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt? Yeah, me too.

thank you to NetGalley for the ARC copy

THERE ARE SPOILERS FOR THE END OF THIS BOOK IN THIS REVIEW

BIG WOOF, YA'LL. I gave up at 40% because I couldn't take it anymore. If you follow my reviews, you know how much it pains me to DNF books, but I'm trying this thing in the new year where I don't torture myself as much with bad books. If it's like dragging my body through shards of glass just to read one chapter, I won't do it. The fact that I made it to 40% is a miracle. Nothing of importance even happened in those over 200 pages.

the writing I know this is an ARC, so hopefully, these errors will be fixed by the time it's published, but there were a lot of punctuation marks and typos that needed to be corrected. Page one is missing a quotation mark in the very first sentence. The prose is just as overwritten as usual. Piper uses 97 words when she could use 5. It comes off just as pretentious and melodramatic as it did in the last book. Everything is so over the top that I constantly rolled my eyes. She misuses words all the time, has ridiculous metaphors that you have to reread 2 or 3 times just to make sense of. For example; the deer within Amaris tensed to run for the opposing tree line. So there's a deer within Amaris now? How about; It blocked their ascension with the stoic ferocity of an impenetrable sentinel. That was so many words for no reason. 

plot/characters Alright, like I said, I read a little less than half of this book, but I'm going to tell you about what I read, and I'm also going to tell you some things that I've been told by others who have read and finished this book. First, I was expecting this book to be about Amaris going to a medieval magic boarding school and Nox maybe becoming a monster hunter with the help of Malik and Ash. If you were expecting that, too, you would be sorely disappointed. We get some monster hunting from Nox, but Amaris is entirely useless. 

So we start exactly where we left off with little to no recapping of what happened in the last book. You're expected to remember, but it's hard considering how many unnecessary words are jammed between what little plot is actually in these books. Starting with HP rip-off number one, Amaris and Gadriel are dropped from the back of a dragon into/near a lake surrounded by a forest conveniently near this magical academy that happens to have the answers they're searching for. What are the chances?? They get taken to the magic school, and everyone thinks Gadriel is a demon and they want to study him. In some supremely dramatic and ridiculous monologuing, Amaris convinces the masters of the school that he's harmless. Amaris convinces herself Gadriel(now Gad) is her new best friend, but when Gadriel says, 'we fought together in Aubade' in response to being asked ', what does this woman mean to you?' she loses her MIND. She gets so assblasted mad because she thought they were friends, but APPARENTLY NOT. It's pathetic and ridiculous, and like Amaris is so naive and has no idea how the real world works at all. She cannot conceive why Gadriel won't share secrets he was sworn to keep with her even after he explains it could mean his life. Like how is Amaris supposed to be likeable lol?? Because Gadriel said they weren’t friends, and Amaris took that shit personally. Then he blames her for his shredded wings and as usual, Amaris can’t take responsibility much like her author counterpart. 

They look at some books for two seconds, find zero answers and guess that this tower of magic has everything they need. They climb 10,000 steps and find the hall of prophecies from the order of the phoenix, otherwise known as the hall of orbs, and Amaris realizes the floor is invisible and there's an illusion cast over it. Gadriel goes to step over it, and instead of warning him, Amaris screams. That's it. Then she starts berating him for not paying attention to his surroundings, even though she should know by now that she can see illusions, but Amaris is too stupid to have this figured out. After all, she's been aware of her powers for three years, and only just started questioning their limitations and capabilities. She is literally an idiot. Gadriel asks Amaris if he can make the jump. She reads WAY too much into this question and is like, "oh my god, Gadriel is putting his LIFE in my HANDS. He TRUSTS me." And I'm like...bitch, you're the only one who can see the distance. Are you for real rn? Anyway, he makes the jump, and Amaris cries in relief. Literally cries. Imagine if Indiana Jones cried in relief every time he solved a booby trap puzzle while searching tombs. He would look like an idiot. Amaris has a full-blown panic attack, considers leaving and becoming a seamstress and then jumps, doesn't make it, and almost dies, and then Gadriel saves her. They touch some magical glowing blue balls, get sucked into a pensieve and see some curses/blessings where faeries explode into golden dust. They meet the oldest man ever who happens to show them the exact thing they needed to see then get tossed from the Tardis Tower.

Gadriel gets some conveniently 'manufactured' wings and can now fly again and then they realize they've learned everything they needed to know and leave. (WHAT? YOU HAVE LEARNED LITERALLY NOTHING) They try to convince Amaris to stay, and she pretends like she's going to and then leaves at night, but it's the most dramatic thing ever. Like they made it into something that apparently is worthy of ballads, but there is no good reason why it would be worthy of ballads. They didn't even do anything there. And that's it. That's all that happens with Amaris' magical boarding school plot, and that's when I realized how much of a waste of time this bullshit book is. You had a whole ass magical boarding school, and you didn't use it at all?? You could've had Amaris attend school, actually learn some things since she is the biggest idiot ever and then solve a whole mystery of how the school is corrupt and experimenting on people with unique magic while also searching for the answers to the curse. 

On the other hand, Nox is now a Yes Man and likes Malik and Ash and is probably gonna fuck Malik, which I think is bullshit considering she was coded as a lesbian. Call her bisexual all you want, and I won't believe you. She was repulsed by the touch of men, only sought comfort from other women and was OBSESSED with her 'precious little snowflake'. Having her bone a dude in this is a bad call because it nullifies the fact that she fought her way free from having to fuck men just to get to the woman she loves. 

I think it's weird that the northern fae is all known to have 'bronze skin'; their powers are associated with 'night life', and their colors are 'black and copper', and they are considered the 'dark fae' aka the 'evil demons'. Like....girl... do you not see how deeply fucked up that is? Like, what are you doing? lmao. 

Now, some things I was told. Amaris was immaculately conceived by a black woman. I repeat. The perfect white, special snowflake was immaculately conceived by a black woman. The precious perfect too pure for this world white woman who had her 'bronze-skinned succubus friend' whipped on her behalf. Oh, and Nox is the princess of both countries; the grey matron who made Nox her serving girl was aware of this and allowed Nox to be whipped and sold to a brothel. Also, Nox was named Nox so that she wouldn't forget she was a 'dark fae'.....What the fuck??

Also, the 'consensual breath play' is not consensual, jsyk. You can't consent when you're asleep, and someone starts choking you. You're fucking asleep. Good god. 

currently reading

This is what happens when you write a book in 9 days and don’t accept constructive criticism. You get sentences like this. 

“She knew she was about to watch the head of a man as it was gnawed from where it connected to his shoulders.”

The whole book is like this. How did this pass the beta reading process?? This is not ready for publication. 

pre-review

ya'll remember that time that Piper said that TNAIM wasn't even inspired by the witcher and then she went ahead and dedicated this book to Henry Cavill as Geralt? Yeah, me too.