#how long do african grey live

[bomberqueen17]

the gay dolphins are too powerful

yesterday i was facing the facts that i do need to actually work out the technical mcguffins in this novel. like, i have some vague notion that there's a problem with the radio network because of solar flares and our heroes are going to... somehow... fix it. idk.

plot and worldbuilding wittering behind the cut

this was the main plot in the solarpunk mammoths novel too, and i had a vague notion that a problem on such a global scale as that would need to like. it would need to be solved by more than one person. and so my nebulous notion is that possibly several sets of characters could work on it in these loosely-connected novels where really i'm just exploring different ecosystems.

idk i just-- y'all know about the Turkey City Lexicon right? I got it as a hand-out in college creative writing class and of course it reshaped my brain, but. one of the Tropes To Beware they've got is the Cozy Catastrophe, which is startlingly prevalent and once you see it you can't unsee-- "the world is ending! all of humanity will die! unless... Jeff and Suzy, you're our only hope!" and our two everyman protagonists somehow are the only resources the entire world can muster and honestly the entire world seems to consist of one American city block with about three hundred people in it at most. Hm.

so i was like yah this catastrophe is way too cozy.

meanwhile i forget how it came up but @sonnetsandsinging, helpfully spitballing, said something about space whales and i was like

OMG in a world with genetically-engineered mammoths with radio collars that translate their brain waves to allow them to speak in human language it is ABSURD that they are the only species of animal that has been given this treatment

so like. what other animals do we try to talk to all the time besides elephants?

DOLPHINS

so now this world has genetically-engineered dolphins with brainwaves-to-speech dorsal fin attachments. like duh of course it does. i can't believe I hadn't thought of that.

there should be other animals too but i can't decide which ones, currently taking submissions. What Else Should Slightly-Disconcertingly Speak.

(My criteria: should be an animal intelligent enough to have successful communication with humans already, something relatively long-lived, something that couldn't use sign language or other methods already. My concept, which is not scientific really, is that it's been well-studied that while many animals have complex communication systems, humans are the only ones whose brains are structured specifically for language, so the Magic Fictional Science here is that they've had that ability genetically-engineered in, but of course the physical production of human-intelligible language is beyond the physical structure of most animals, hence the brainwave-interface collars. which btw could also be used on profoundly disabled humans, and that might be a plot point at some point; i do have some disabled characters in this story. I know I researched those like, communication board things that nonverbal humans can use and I settled on Magical Radio-Networked Interfaces that speak out loud instead for the simple expedient of streamlining things because like how is a mammoth going to carry a communication board around that it can like get out and point at. how is a dolphin going to carry anything. so, this is just where I ended up.)

(I was thinking parrots but then parrots wouldn't need the collar because they can actually make human-speech noises on their own. so that's a fun variation. maybe in this world african grey parrots actually just talk.)

Anyway back when I first started the solarpunk mammoths novel I researched Asian elephants a lot and studied their social structures and read up on their physical abilities etc., so in between trying to find out how radio waves and semiconductors work (i get the radio waves thing & think i have my mcguffin sorted out but semiconductors made my eyes glaze over and then begin weeping so i gave up) (also supercapacitors i don't understand u sorry bye) (do i know any electronics engineers who want to explain this in normal languages? shit i do know a chemical engineer maybe she knows. heck) ... ok i wandered away from this post to text her and then forgot i was making it. i did not get a lot of sleep last night the amphetamines are not being kind this go-round but i must continue the experiment. uhhhhh where was i

GAY DOLPHINS

too powerful

Yeah so I started researching dolphins, because if I'm going to have named-and-speaking dolphin characters, I need to know a little bit about how they work.

Now I have a slight head-start on this, just as I did on mammoths. Mammoths, I've been obsessed with since I was a toddler. But dolphins. For a while I used to go to SCA camping events and there was this guy who used to be a Navy diver and then worked for Sea World and he. well he was really good at telling stories, was his deal. And he had Seen Some Shit, and some of that shit was about interacting with dolphins. And the thing about dolphins is that. Well, they're violent little chaos gremlins, and just in the course of going about their normal lives, one of the things they do to interact with the world is, well. they have sex with things.

when they do this to people it is generally not a positive experience for the person. but. so i knew that going in. and most of the information on the internet about dolphins is really like. earnest and loving and whatever, which is great. but the thing is that dolphins are chaos gremlins who will fuck anything they can't eat, eat anything they can't fuck, or sometimes do both to the same unfortunate object if it proves to be possible.

what i'm saying is, these are going to be really entertaining characters to work with. because elephants, conversely, do not have recreational sex. they do a lot of things, but they just don't really do that. so dolphins are like. inverse-elephants, culturally.

Elephants also tend to have a strong matriarch, strong bonds between females, and then the males tend to be largely solitary, but will congregate more loosely, often around an older male who will teach them manners. (A well-mannered bull is MUCH more likely to be allowed to mate with desirable females, who have little patience with male foibles.)

Dolphins have looser gender roles; on the whole, the females tend to loosely congregate, and pregnant females usually go back to their mother's pod to birth and raise young, not dissimilar to elephants, but the males--

male dolphins very, very frequently will pair-bond. Two males of similar age-- adult males have very little to do with juveniles of either sex, generally-- will pair-bond and will be inseparable for the rest of their lives. If one of them dies, the other will mourn-- mourning behavior is well-documented in dolphins-- and then will seek to pair off with another adult male, because male dolphins prefer to work in pairs, for survival and companionship. (Dolphin "pods" are also more loosely-organized than elephant herds; dolphins will have a couple of core companions, but then will freely associate and disassociate with other individuals and groups over short periods of time without much fuss, depending on the situation.)

The pair-bonded males are the ones who in the wild do the behavior you see in shows, where they do like synchronized jumps and very-close fast-precise swimming and such, which in the wild are apparently courtship or threat displays-- i.e. "look how tight we are, you can't fight us" or, alternately, "isn't that hot" because

yes that's often how they court females. The pair will corral a desirable female and herd her away from other dolphins so they can both mate with her, and keep her from mating with anybody else.

(other females have been observed collaborating to free a corralled female who did not want this to happen, so it's not quite as rapey as it sounds. though, i mean. dolphins. what can you do.)

anyway dolphin threesomes are canon. but that derailed the rest of my night and i was unable to concentrate on anything else because the gay-- I should say really bisexual dolphins are too powerful.

so anyway i wrote a test scene with a dolphin character, and i had my main character take his wife and baby down to the jetty to introduce them to his dolphin pals, and a bonded male pair he'd known for years showed up and immediately tried to steal the wife, and then expressed shock that he didn't have his male best friend with him, because in their experience breeding was THEE most important time to have your buddy with you. He explains that his buddy is off on a long-term work assignment, and they're like hmph next time you breed you MUST include him, it is so much easier trust us. and the wife is like hmmmmm!

henceforth i will refer to m/m/f threesomes as "dolphin style" you're welcome

[formallake]

Plotholes with the Brothers Theory and an Additional Theory regarding Exer's magical origin.

Right! Let's get this started! Spoilers for Jackson's Diary Obvi!

The Brothers/ Sibling theory is an interesting one. If you like to read Webtoon's comment section like I do, you might see it surface from time to time.

It's no secret that Exer and Jackson are connected in some way.

- Jackson being the only one to actually see Exer's magic (until David of course).

- Exer thought box is grey like Jackson's power and Jackson's thought box is green like Exer's magic.

- The entirety of season two is literally them sharing each others braincell.

- The Diary being connected to Exer's magic.

But them secretly being brothers on the other hand is really up to debate. Some might even argue they are twins seperated at birth 🐣. However it's very unlikely! According to Paola in her QnA Instagram section their ages are different.

Exer is the oldest of the main cast, being 18 and Jackson the youngest, at 17. Yes, you can argue that they are siblings who are only a year apart. Which i'll give you a point for, as IT IS possible, what's impossible to ignore however is the fact that Exer's and Jackson's nationality are different.

Exer according to the Wikifandom, is Indian-African American. While Jackson, American. I can't clarify where they gain the info from, so take it with a grain of salt. The reason why i have a strong believe that Exer is Indian-African American is due to Paola's patreon.

(I think im allowed to share this? Since technically its public and you can view it for free? Tell me if its not allowed and im ganna edit it, okay guys!)

Its blurry since i can't afford the monthly subscription (it cost like a whole week of lunch money, if converted to my home country) so I could be wrong but my speculation is that this is Exer's mom. Due to the woman in the picture not resembling Jackson's mom and she is wearing what seems to be a sari? (A traditional South East mostly India, Women's wear.)

The woman in the blurry picture have curly long hair like Exer's while Jackson's mom have a shorter shoulder length straight hair.

[Below the pic of Jackson's mom for ref. ]

If im right that this is Exer's mom, than its prove Exer's and Jackson's mom are two different people.

This implies that for Jackson and Exer to be related, Harry must have cheated on Exer's mom. We all know that's IMPOSSIBLE! No way! Very out of character!

If they are not related than how are they super connected?

This is where we go to the second theory, Exer's Magic came from Jackson. Here me out!

So far, there are three confirm cases of magical users in JD. That being Exer, Lucy-furr, and David. And you know what they had in common? They are all written in the Diary by Jackson!

You know what they say! Once is by chance, twice a coincidence and three times a pattern.

At first with Exer it might by chance, but than Lucy came in to the picture as a MAGICAL cat! Sure it could be a coincidence, but than suddenlyDavid have the ability to see Exer's magic! It's a pattern! Jackson can give power to living beings it seems!

What's interesting is that Lucy and David don't have their power until Jackson specifically activate it. In Lucy's case she had been drawn in green crayon before, but she IS still a normal cat. It was only after Jackson drew her again back in ep 66 where she finally gain her magic.

Exer is unique in a way, since he seems to use his magic even when Jackson is not in Kingsmont. This fuels my theory of them being friends back in their childhood.

The biggest evidence for me regarding the magic being given by Jackson to Exer is this drawing.

A green stickman with a blue magical hat and a wand! Like is this evidence or what??

I must admit the blue in the wand and hat is not the exact shade of blue Jackson is. But still!!

[Below is Jackson's blue]

But its just a theory! A poorly made word jumble of a paragraph!

Thanks for reading.

[handsomethrowrug]

Headcanon: So what exactly are the "Outsider" Lions?

Short answer: They are lions with mixed heritage of Pride Land and Kavu lions.

What is a 'Kavu' lion?

These are lions that live in the area we know as the K.alahari Desert. 'Kavu' is the S.wahili word for 'dry', and hail from a desert area known as the Dry Lands. This would be an area further to the south than the desert that appeared in the original movie.

The difference in appearance is stark compared to a Pride Lander lion. Kavu lions are slightly smaller than their bulkier cousins, but their lean build and longer limbs make them look almost malnourished in comparison.

Read-more because this is getting super long!

In terms of physical characteristics, their fur is thicker and longer, often giving them a 'scruffy' appearance to help them regulate the extreme temperature changes of the day and night. There have been cases of manes or tail tufts being curly/wavy. Some Kavu lions develop spots or 'freckles' as they mature, different from the spots lion cubs have, though it's unclear whether it's a long-forgotten aesthetic reason (akin to 'beauty marks'), or another way to protect them from the sun. Their noses are angular and slender to lessen the risk of sand irritating the nasal chambers. They can be black or pink.

Their pelts are normally darker and muted in colour as another sun-protecting adaptation (though they look 'washed out' compared to Pride Landers). Normally, they would be in tones along the lines of sand-brown, warm greys, or russet. There have been cases of darker tones appearing that are nearer to a dark brown or black. Tail tufts for lionesses are usually dark brown. For male lions, they are black, and they grow a black mane to further protect them from the blistering sun. The eye rims are normally darker on the upper half, and usually darker on the lower half, though this is not always the case. Finally, their eyes are normally somewhere on the blue-green range. When having cubs with Pride Landers, the eye colour is usually a recessive gene, meaning that most cubs would have red eyes. However, there can be some rare mutations, such as Vitani's purple eyes.

So how do the genetics work? Aside from the eye colour, as previously mentioned, nothing is recessive. However, the Pride Lander genes are naturally stronger, and they are better suited for the environment (the bulkier build for larger prey, pelts to better camouflage in the tall dry grass/bolder colours to look more intimidating, etc). However, another interesting mutation is the pelt colour being a mix of Kavu and Pride Lander. S.car himself is actually a really good example of this.

(I tried to quickly find screenshots in a similar lighting. I know they aren't perfect xD)

Compared to K.ovu and N.uka, he's actually more saturated, almost terracotta in tone. The other two are defintely more muted, or 'earthen' in comparison. In other words, he inherited the brown from the Kavu side, but it's a bolder, more orange tone because of the Pride Lander side. (Of the above three, I would argue that N.uka is actually the closest to the best example of a Kavu lion, aside from the weak mane from his poor upbringing and his red eyes.)

I was going to try and explain how many there were, but truthfully we all know that's a case of not knowing the sequel was going to exist in the first place. I would imagine it was a case of there being a few, but having mostly Pride Lander genes (with S.car presumably being the most obvious outlier), but then those that were born once S.car took over and the drought began took on the Kavu genes to have a better chance of surviving the harsh weather?

EDIT:

I forgot my main sources for information, whoops.

( ^ for that one, it's point 11)

[betterbemeta]

Yeah Dinotopia did this to me, I love art that depicts humans living and working with dinosaurs, its so cool

but like. we need to have a talk. there are two options for this scenario and both of them require human beings be a lot braver or more thoughtful than I think we are on average:

the dinosaurs are sapient. But bird intelligence is convergent evolution to mammal intelligence. Meaning that what we're really depicting is a society where humans and 'an alien species' have peacefully integrated: just, aliens separated by time from the same planet and not aliens separated by distance such as from another planet.

the dinosaurs aren't sapient. Human beings have sustained a military loss to emus, it's pretty hard to have a cassowary as your chill friend and most attacks have to do with feeding them, and most human beings tend to be wary or frightened of even middling-large birds such as geese, turkeys, swans, and that's without getting into predatory birds like eagles and condors. Human beings have domesticated birds and kept them as pets for a long time, but we're talking chickens, pigeons... 'exotic birds' kept as companion animals such as parrots aren't domesticated and we should understand how huge a commitment it is to keep them. Are we ready to be pals with a cockatiel the size of a donkey? How about larger than a rhinoceros?

I'm not slamming these as fantasy concepts. People love to depict Amazing Animal Companions and probably always have throughout history. But I think we can keep it fresh by coming at this with a smidge of realism. Your intelligent dinosaur friend may not be a human person in a lizard suit but instead an Extremely Large African Grey Parrot With Fingers. Or your Pet Dinosaur may be, uh, Loud And Broody if you don't put it to bed on time. How do you enforce bedtime and lights out for a creature that can thagomize your walls, and you? Carefully.

[solarishashernoseinabook]

what fursonas would you assign the rangers apprentice cast?

oh boy. well. i'll do my best

full disclosure. i know very little about furries. the "jesus's fursona is a carpenter ant" thing was a one-off joke based off of his profession. but i'm gonna approach this as "what animal is this character like", and try to work with that

Will - Crow Will is clever, and a prankster, and also loyal, so I made him a Crow. They quite often play with wolves, and play tricks on them, pulling their tails and stealing food from them, but also show loyalty to people who look after them. Crows are highly intelligent, making tools to do what they like, and are skilled mimics - better than parrots. These fit with Will's ability to blend in to any group he finds himself in and his ability to find creative uses for people to do seemingly impossible things. (Ravens do all this too, of course, but crows are significantly smaller than ravens, and a defining trait of Will is his height - or lack thereof).

Halt - Wolf Wolves have reputations as solitary, independent creatures (think of how "lone wolves" are spoken about as though they're cool creatures even though we know they tend to live in packs), and also strike people as quite scary. In truth, wolves live in extended family groups, male wolves make good and protective fathers, and they tend to avoid people. Plus everybody mistakes certain dog breeds for wolves, and Halt has his identity consistently questioned by people who expect the legendary ranger to be someone much different.

Horace - Horse Gonna be honest, I was pretty torn between this and dog, but I went with horse. People often don't expect much of horses, and they're not known for their intelligence like dogs are. But horses are very dependable, do what they're trained to do very well, and can absolutely fuck you up if you get on the wrong side of their hooves.

Cassandra - Peregrine Falcon I hummed and hawed over this one, but peregrines fit Cassandra's vibe best. All birds of prey have a certain regal air to them, but peregrines are well-known for being highly effective hunters, dive-bombing their prey to snatch them in their talons, and I think that parallels Cassandra's use of a sling quite well.

Alyss - Swan Couriers in Araluen are known for wearing long white dresses (like swans), and Alyss is frequently described as very graceful. Swans also have a mean streak and can break your arm with their wings, and Alyss showed her mean side plenty of times during the series. Nevertheless, they're very caring parents to their cygnets, paralleling Alyss's willingness to sacrifice herself to save a child.

Pauline - Dove This one's pretty basic. Doves are considered symbols of peace in much of the world - and what better symbol of peace is there than the head of Redmont's diplomatic corps?

George - African Grey Parrot Parrots are well-known for their ability to mimic speech, and African Greys are among the best. Alex, an African Grey studied by Irene Pepperberg, famously asked questions about himself, generated entirely new sentences, and otherwise indicated he understood the words he was saying instead of simply parroting (heh) them back to Pepperberg. Thanks to him, African Grey Parrots are considered some of the most intelligent birds and are thought to have a similar capacity to human toddlers. So, the character who uses his words the best, and speaks at length, is the parrot.

Jenny - Cat Humans may be the only animal that cooks, but cats are still well-known for feeding each other. They over-hunt any area they're in to create a stockpile for cats in a colony who can't hunt as well, or to teach kittens how to hunt. Despite living in these colonies, cats are also quite independent, not adhering to a strict social order like dogs do. Finally, it's commonly accepted that cats basically domesticated themselves (there's more nuance to this, but go with it). Thus, Jenny, who decided who she wanted to be apprenticed to and got herself that spot, who struck out on her own to create her own restaurant, and never met a person she didn't try to feed, is a cat.

[nioumin-draw]

Facts about Lorelei Sanders ( HPMA) #1 :

•Lorelei been sorted in Gryffindor house, if she were in ilvermony she would be sorted to Wampus or Thunderbird

•she live to Nothing hill with her family

•When she spent her summer vacation to Uganda her family for visit her mother's family side , the thing she loves most is doing Safari.

• she used to have some muggle "friends" before Hogwarts , after she go to Hogwarts she told them she been accepted to a boarding school. She tried to sent them some letters but they never write her back but she haven't been upset because she knew it will happen and she have new true friends now.

•her patronus is a lioness

•the most happiest memory she remember for creat her patronus is : when she met the Holyhead Harpies atvher first quidditch game.

• Robyn Thistlethwaite became her best friends during Hogwarts because of their love for quidditch and she also have a bond for Daniel Page and consider him as a precious friend, she is always worry about him and protect him if it's necessary.

•At first the first sight she found William Lee too immature and is annoyed by him and his shenanigans but appreciates his kindness towards animals and his optimistic and funny personality and you'll never find a better dance partner than him , people wondering how that could work between them XD 🤣.

•During the 3 first year she had long curly hairs and cut them for year 4

• her cat , Comoros ( Named from a African région) is a present from her parents for her first year to Hogwarts.

•She realize she fell in love with William Lee at the end of year 2 and in year 4 the became officially a couple.

• she can't stand Cassandra Vole but is always ready to help her.

•Fischer Frey have a crush for her but she rejected him all time.

• according to William Lee , she smell Vanilla and coconut, probably because of hair care cream.

• Because of a misunderstanding with William she was a bit jealous of Abigail Grey ( who had a crush on him ) but after a explanation they become great friends

• She play quidditch as chaser with Liam Whitlock-Kim @chirithy564 at year 2 and became seeker at year 4

•William and her first date was supposed to be in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop in Hogsmeade but it finally end to The three broomsticks because it was to Pink for them XD and a butterbeer sound better than tea 🍻.

•she a big fan of the Holyhead Harpies.

•she is inspired from the actress and Singer Zendaya.

• she is very proud of her father despite the fact he is a squib and would punch anybody who say trash about him.

• She is Aries 🐏♈

• her favorite flowers are begonias , tulip 🌷 and flowering plant.

[frogofalltime]

@luneyjuney asked me for my top 100 birds and i am extremely autistic so. here yall go

feral pigeon (if you even slightly know me you will be aware of this. i have a whole army of pigeon friends in my city and they are my favourite birds of all time)

wandering albatross (widest wingspan of all extant birds, fly incredibly long distances, hella cool)

sparrowhawk (so cool and also the name of the main character in earthsea)

african penguin (i became obsessed with them as a kid because i didn't know penguins could live in warm places)

great crested grebe (hella cool, also i saw one in real life a few weeks ago !!)

woodpigeon (they are always cooing outside my grandparents' house and it feels like home when i hear them)

bee hummingbird (tiny. adorable. the world's smallest bird)

nightjar (weird big mouths, i love them)

carrion crow (extremely smart and very emo)

magpie (they steal stuff they find on the floor, just like me fr)

mourning dove (name a better sound than the mourning dove's song, i'll wait)

green pigeon (my favourite colour and my favourite bird, what else do you want)

fairy wren (so small !! so cute !!)

tailorbird (they sew leaves together to make their nests, honestly the coolest thing ever)

turtle dove (pretty pretty pretty)

speckled pigeon (SO PRETTY AND I LOVE THEM)

little penguin (they look like babies !!!!)

barn owl (their faces are so lovely. i want to look like a barn owl in my next life)

spotted woodpecker (i saw one last summer !! i like the noise they make)

cockatiel (pikachu looking cheeks)

blue tit (they're so pretty and cute and i like their song !)

european robin (friendly little guys with pretty red bellies, and the loveliest song you've ever heard)

eurasian wren (small and round and the way they hop makes me smile)

collared dove (another beautiful pigeon-related bird)

kiwi (they have a special place in my heart thanks to a really sad video i watched in eight grade)

pekin duck (big and white with orange beaks and feet, very iconic)

gouldian finch (so pretty and i wanted to change my name to finch when i was younger)

emerald dove (green wings !!! and pigeon-adjacent !!!)

little grebe (just a baby. i have seen them a few times and they are so sweet)

mistle thrush (they're so beautiful !! i see them regularly in local parks)

wagtail (i like watching them perch around the river wagging their tails)

chaffinch (another lovely finch species !)

elf owl (world's smallest owl !!!)

bleeding heart dove (tragic in a beautiful way)

crowned pigeon (so beautiful, imagine a pigeon wearing the most splendid crown you've ever seen)

rosy-faced lovebird (couple goals fr)

coot (i like their funny webbed feet)

diamond dove (pretty !!!!)

orpington chicken (fluffy and big and make me feel cosy)

little owl (another tiny guy !!)

cockatoo (i made friends with one as a kid, she was so cool)

silkie chicken (so soft and beautiful)

hoopoe (i refuse to believe this is not a pokémon)

raven (big, black, smart, awesome)

mexican violetear (they're so pretty aaaa what shiny colourful feathers !)

great egret (majestic)

java sparrow (we studied them last year, it's funny how they are extinct in their native habitat but are thriving in their new temple homes)

mallard duck (the most common ducks that you see everywhere, i love them)

bowerbird (becky lemme smash)

house sparrow (cute little guys that live in the garden, we call them The Gang)

puffin (i like their beaks)

kakapo (big green potato bird)

potoo (they're so weird !! i love them !!)

grey heron (every time i see one it feels like a good omen)

red-crowned crane (the iconic japanese crane that i like to make origami of)

swallows (cool forked tails)

ringneck parakeet (they're so awesome !)

long tailed widowbird (longest tail you've ever seen, actually pretty ridiculous)

pochard (adorable little duck species)

peafowl (of course, i mean look at them)

mandarin duck (their plumage is so ornate !!! i see them in the park a lot !!!)

european starling (they're so common but so cool ! there's a family of them that live outside my window and i like to greet them every time i go outside)

fairy penguin (tiny tiny tiny)

bittern (pretty rare and make a great noise)

blue bird of paradise (exactly what it sounds like)

peregrine falcon (honestly these should be higher on the list they're awesome)

ruff (they have really interesting sexual dynamics, some of the males look exactly like females while others look starkly different, look them up)

oilbird (there's a picture of them with their mouths wide open in one of my bird books and it made me fall in love)

chiffchaff (they make such a cool noise, hence the name)

kingfisher (i think i saw one once as a kid, truly fantastic creatures)

red kite (i see them flying overhead sometimes, very cool birds of prey)

eastern bluebird (so pretty ! i wish we had them in the uk)

amazon parrot (hella intelligent and awesome)

frogmouth (i like frogs, and they look so goofy)

white emu (i saw one last summer, very cool)

grey parrot (apollo good bird !)

european blackbird (very common here, with a very memorable song. there's one outside my window that stays awake at night and sings to me when i get home late)

skylark (allouette gentil allouette)

blue jay (another cool species i wish we had in the uk)

waxwing (very pretty !)

mockingbird (they're so smart, they can mimic noises really well)

white hawk (the coolest hawk species in my opinion)

spoonbill (their beaks look like spoons)

nightingale (sang in berkeley square)

snow goose (the same reason i like pekin ducks; they just look so perfect, like yea that's a Goose alright)

chinstrap penguin (gay !!!!!!! look up roy and silo, you won't regret it)

cormorant (i like the way they display their wings, so magnificent)

house martin (they have a symbiotic relationship with humans, very cool)

sandpiper (i like the way they run)

tufted duck (cute little tuft on their heads)

fairy pitta (oh they are gorgeous)

great tit (they have regional accents, but they all have a two-note song which is very recognisable, there was one that sang nonstop in my parents' garden one year and we became quite fond of him)

shoebill (people say they're terrifying, but i think they're really cool, despite the creepiness)

blue footed booby (silly little guys that do a goofy tap dance with their bright blue feet)

red-billed scythebill (long ass curved beak)

ostrich (of course they had to be on the list somewhere, enormous speedy bois)

painted bunting (colourful and spectacular)

cactus wren (they make holes in cactus stems to live inside and keep cool ! very smart !)

harrier hawk (rather amazing bird of prey)

common swift (they're so fast, and i love watching them fly in the spring and summer)

[sungbeam]

BIRB LORE TIME! (the last installment of yumi's uh idkwhatitis)

here's Lea. african grey parrot (did you know all african greys look exactly the same like there's no way i can recognise her if she's with another parrot sfkdjghdf)

we got her in 2016 when she was 11. her previous owners were moving and they wanted to give her to someone who would genuinely take care of her. they knew my dad and he went ahead and said his daughter (me) has a thing for the animal kingdom 💀 (true tho) and she is prob the right person

anyways we went to their place, met her and oh. i knew absolutely nothing about these parrots right. we took her to our home and they just told us what to feed her, how she plays, what she likes and dislikes, etc.

so african greys are very intelligent and bruh. this female sounds like an absolute MAN when she speaks the human tongue (i actually got scared when she first said something LOL). the previous owners were like a mom and two daughters and her daughters were babies when she got this parrot so they didn't train lea. bc of that, she does not really know how to fly/land and since she's spent basically all life in the cage, it's her safe territory now and she does not like to come out

she was also not used to men bc she lived with ladies and then here she is with my dad and big bro (my lil bro was like 10 so she was comfy around him) but she was the type to not speak in front of men AT ALL

anyways i did my research, we all did we've come a really, really long way. her comfy zone is very wide now. she's come from only sticking to certain foods (her fav chips, a few fruits and nuts) to basically eating and trying everything (she doesn't even look at her chips anymore) (the look on her face when she first tried a mango and loved it is sth i'll never forget). she now talks in front of everyone (parrots talk when they are happy so ig she's happy here :'))

from letting us barely pet her neck to now getting full body massages and letting me preen her (I FEEL LIKE HER MOTHER). from wanting to bite us to affectionately pretending to bite me now (im her fav human, no one else can try this). from getting sick every season bc she was used to a certain temperature to thriving in every season while we get sick LOL

i think it's time i start to get her to come out her cage. it's gonna be a very slow process since i'm not a professional and it's gonna be only her and me (and she might hurt my hands beyond repair lmao i need my hands to do my job man) anddd bc i'm the only person who can do this, yet...

i'm kind of allergic to her :)

but i love suffering, suffering is my middle name. so remember how i said i got cat allergies? that happened when we got this parrot. she used to stay in my room and these parrots have like this white powder thing on their skin that can cause allergies. so my nose being exposed to these allergens long term caused some damage alright (i got allergic to literally every other thing, flu all the time for years, got no quality sleep and constant headaches) andd i finally got surgery in 2022. my allergies are almost gone now but i still have to be careful around her (a tragic love story right there)

anyways i love her, she loves me, we understand each other pretty damn well (it's almost eerie lmao). we dance to kpop together. we sing together. her avg lifespan is 60+ so we have a bet going on on who lives longer :D (bet it's gonna be her-) also we were meant to be fr bc her prev owner has the same name as me so she never had to learn to say my name :D

BIRB LORE BIRB LORE!!! omg she's so pretty :'))) well ig in that case,,, all african grey parrots are pretty 😭😭 that's actually really interesting that every one looks alike to the next ... i wonder if there's like an evolutionary mechanism to that— ANYWAYS

no cuz u literally feel like ur the animal whisperer at this point LMAO like all the stray cats and now the parrot, but ig it's also a testament to the fact that ur a good person! i feel like u can almost always trust an animal's instincts when it comes to people vibes haha 😌 unless it's like cherry, that girl is so needy and moody w everyone i can't even be too sure that she likes me cuz i picked her up this morning and she was so good abt it, and then i put her down and she turned around and tried to eat my toe 🧍🏻‍♀️

awh im so glad she's gotten so much more comfortable now 😭 that's really sweet to hear abt this progression esp ur relationship with her :'))) tbh tho why am i not surprised that she was the one where ur allergies originated from 😭 you fr are just like defying death left and right skfndkfnfk idk man TT anyways . LOL UR BET W LEA ABT WHO'LL DIE FIRST IM YELLING SJFNEKFNJR im glad ur doing much better tho now after the surgery tho 😭

also wishing u luck w slowly getting her out of her cage :')) im sure you'll prevail w patience and lots of mangos!! omg aren't there specific gloves people use for birds? like so their talons don't scratch them or sumn?

thank u for sharing tho as always, i was very excited opening my inbox this morning !! 💖

[allwaswell16]

— Animal Fics by allwaswell16 —

One Direction fics by me that include an animal that is important to the story in some way. I always think I'm done writing these, but...

—Louis/Harry—

🐒 Ace of Spades (E, 80k) : spider monkey

Living as a sheltered omega in a farming village has not prepared Harry for life aboard the most notorious pirate ship to sail the Atlantic.

Or Louis is a pirate, Harry is his captive, and no one is who they say they are.

🐕 Consequences (E, 78k) : dog

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

🐐 Until (E, 60k) : horses, a dog, and a weird goat

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

🦎 I Didn't Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) (E, 20k) : monitor lizard

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...

🦜 That's How I Know (E, 19k) : African grey parrot

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

😽 Charity Ficlets (NR, 10k) : cat and niffler

Chapter 1: Shiny Objects: Louis isn't so sure about Professor Styles, but when he must save him from a loose niffler, things change between them.

Chapter 4: Grease Lightning: Louis' cat likes to give out his phone number.

🐬 Never Been Knotted (E, 9k) : aquarium animals

Harry doesn't mind that he presented as a beta. It mostly just makes his life easier and more convenient. There's just one small problem: he'd really like to be knotted.

🦀 The way you smile (E, 9k) : crab

Harry doesn’t need to go on holiday. Unfortunately, his mum and sister disagree, which is how he ends up alone on holiday in the Caribbean. Luckily, he's not alone for long.

🐈 Won't You Please Come Around (M, 5k) : cat

Harry has lived in London for a month, and so far the only friend he's made is his sister's cat, Mr. Whiskers. When the lock on the window breaks, Mr. Whiskers begins exploring his new neighbourhood a bit too thoroughly and brings back mementos of his escapes.

Or a Valentine's Day story where Harry has a really fit neighbour, and his cat is a thief.

🐽 Let the Feeling Last (T, 5k) : pig

Omega Harry thinks the alpha at the grocery store buying a cart full of vegetables must be an amazing chef. He doesn't know that Alpha Louis is feeding all those vegetables to his pet pig.

😼 Do You See What I See (T, 2k) : cat sort of, have to read to find out

Harry may or may not be rescuing stray animals as an excuse to see the very hot local veterinarian.

Or an absurd pet fic inspired by She Is Beauty We Are World Class

🦓 White Stripes (E, 3k) : zoo animals

Harry’s roommate is gorgeous, kind, generous, and basically everything Harry has ever wanted in another alpha. The only problem is that he isn’t even sure that his alpha roommate is into other alphas. In an effort to finally get over him, he lets Niall set him up on a blind date.

🪳 Happy Valentine's Day, You Cockroach (E, 2k) : meerkats and cockroaches

Harry Styles, new director of the Milltown Zoo, has a great idea for a Valentine's Day themed fundraiser. For a donation, they'll name cockroaches after people's exes and then feed them to the meerkats on a live stream. He just didn't foresee how many cockroaches would end up with his name...

—Rare Pairs—

🐎 Need (E, 21k, Niall/Shawn Mendes) : horses, a dog, and a weird goat

Niall Horan loved his job. Who wouldn’t? He was the biggest pop star in the world, and he’d found his kindred spirit in songwriting and friendship, Louis Tomlinson. The sky was the limit now. He had the perfect place they could hide themselves away from the world and write his next album...his uncle’s horse ranch in Colorado. What he didn’t expect was the cowboy next door.

🐱 Next Door (NR, 2k, Louis/Rob Pattinson) : cat and a dog

When a stray cat starts coming round Louis' garden and bothering his dog, Louis and his best friend set out to capture it.

Or a famous/famous fic where Louis and Oli embarrass themselves in front of Batman.

[blubushie]

The Spanish Dancer sea slug, native to Indo-Pacific Ocean and the Red Sea. It can grow up to 25cm, though some reports from the Dead Sea clock it in at 40cm. It is a luxuriant red colour with an orange-yellow underbelly and a splotchy red line cutting across it. A specimen measuring ~90cm in width was found on Australia's west coast (Hey, that's where you live!). 'Pangolin' originates from the Malay word for 'roller', which is 'penggulung'; this is because it curls up into a ball and uses its hard scales as a shield when threatened. All eight species of pangolin are under some kind of threat and are protected under national and international laws, two of the eight are critically endangered (do NOT try to make these the centrepiece of your project, they're elusive and endangered). Puffins can flap their wings ~400 times a minute and can fly 88km an hour (!?). Their beaks also change seasonally-- they are a dull grey in the winter and become their more iconic orange in spring, most likely to attract mates. Black-footed cats are considered the most deadly species of wild cat with (a cute little face to die for) a hunting success rate of 60%, compared to a lion's rate of 25%, which is lower than that of a domestic cat's, 32%. The black-footed cat's rate is second only to African wild dogs at 85%. The plant genus Rafflesia, known as the Corpse Flower is capable of Horizontal Gene Transfer, a behaviour documented in bacteria that has only recently been discovered in plants. Rafflesia is a parasitic plant that steals genetic material from its host and nearby plants, merging it into its own genetic code and using its proteins to sustain itself. Once it is grown, the flower continues its parasitic behaviour and emits a foul stench likened to corpses, used to attract pollinators like carrion flies. Humans have been unable to cultivate Rafflesia because the method with which its seeds germinate, let alone infect a host is still unclear. Ant-mimicking spiders have evolved to resembles ants, complete with their extra set of legs disguised as antennae. Most ant-mimicking spiders have unique abdomen and body structures that resemble an ant without any closer inspection, but many have more nuanced methods of deception. Some species can even mimick ant pheromones and behaviour, a huge crux in how ants identify each other, making it easier to invade ants and prey upon them. The Hercules Beetle is one of the largest flying insects measuring up to 7 inches long, when including their horn, and almost 2 inches wide. The horsehair worm is a parasite that preys on grasshoppers, crickets, and some beetles and are found in water or wet areas. They are, simply, a worm capable of squirming in and out of intricate knots and formations, a capability which makes multiple worms of great lengths capable of taking over one host (there's videos out there of researchers tying them into knots of increasing complexity and tightness, fascinating stuff!). After the laid eggs have hatched, the worm forms a protective cyst around itself and waits to be consumed by a suitable host. The cyst them dissolves and allows the worm to eat itself out of the digestive system and feast on its host's innards (I love parasites...). Once it has taken its fill, it has matured and it exits the host to lay its eggs and repeat the process. Horsehair worms pose no threat to humans or animals outside of its host pool, so their presence simply indicates and abundance of or dead crickets in the area.

The oarfish is also nicknamed the 'Doomsday Fish' due to its presence being a sign of destruction to come-- 20 oarfish allegedly washed up on Japan's shores just before the Japan 2011 earthquake. Whatever the case, oarfish reside deep underwater, in the Twilight Zone, so seeing them at all is strange. They are long, ribbon-like fish with bulging eyes and red spines that swim vertically through the waters, using its shimmering skin to camoflague itself by blending into the dark and the rare patch of light. Sand vipers have their located located on top of their heads to better see out of the sand they bury themselves in for hunting purposes. This is also why a suitable substrate is important if you want to care for them. They also require more open space than hiding spots in their enclosure, unike other species of snake. Sand vipers also prefer higher temperatures and require basking in temperatures of around or even greater than 40 degrees Celsius (I've always wanted a pet snake). Peregrine falcons can dive down towards their prey at a speed of 320km/h and quickly strike their neck with their talons, killing their prey in the fraction of a second. This has been caught on video, and in many of them there is only a quick, black blur before the prey drops like a stone onto the ground, suddenly lifeless (eerie and impressive!). Ragdoll cats were first bred by Ann Baker in the 1960s. They have a large, weighty build with long, think fur. They often have blue eyes though they are born mostly white, their unique markings darken over time to a deep brown. The horror game Outlast was modelled after the Richardson Hotel in Buffalo, New York, which had previously been an insane asylum. You'd go into an insane asylum if you weren't a coward (joking). Axolotls (like from Minecraft) are salamanders that, unlike most salamander species, never transition to land. They remain aquatic into adulthood. They are native to only one area, Lake Xochimilco, Lake Chalco, and its surrounding smaller bodies, located in the Valley of Mexico (it also has a relative that resembles a wyrm dragon, very similar sans legs and larger, but I couldn't remember the name <\3). The Megasoma elephas (Elephant Beetle) has been used in a Pentagon-sponsored university program where electrodes were inserted into elephant beetle pupae, allowing for some remote control of the adult beetle's flying behaviour (developing technology, I guess...). Habitat destruction and the use of the male adult's head as jewelery charms have contributed to its decreasing population, though they are not considered endangered. The emerald cockroach wasp paralyzes cockroaches using its venom then drags the body to its burrow. There, while the cockroach is still living, the wasp lays its eggs directly under the cockroach. The entrance will be blocked off to prevent early escape. Once the eggs hatch, the larvae feast on the cockroach's bodily fluids, then its non-vital organs, keeping the still-alive bug kicking it for as long as possible, then, the growing wasps eat the rest of the cockroach, thus putting an end to its miserable life, and emerge through the cockroach's chest, splitting it in half, then dig out of the burrow to repeat the cycle (I love parasites...).

[Animal Fact Anon. Uh, are you a hunter trying to starve me out into the open? Because you're driving me wild! Happy Valentines day, xoxo, I'm not actually hitting on you.]

1. Horsehair worms freak me out

2. I've seen an oarfish when I was at sea! It was dead though :(

3. On the topic of the relative to axolotls "sans legs", were you maybe thinking of caecilians?

4. Oml I love parasitic wasps!! My favourites are spider wasps :]

Thank you for the facts animal anon!! Happy Valentine's Day!!! <3

[themonsterblogofmonsters]

I would like to ask if you think there is an equivalent of Parseltongue for other animals. I would like to ask if you think there is an equivalent of Parseltongue for other animals. Like, is there any wizard who can talk to birds, cats, dogs, fish, amphibians, mammalians and other types of animals?

Parseldrakon

If you want to come up with other ones, I suppose you could, but that would remove the uniqueness of Parseltongue, cause way more ethical problems, and also raise the question of why no one knows about or acts on this. Even if it's as rare as Parseltongue is, people would still know it exists and have opinions on it.

There's also that while some other animal-speech abilities have been headcanoned - such as @americanwizarding's Bird-Kissed - they often run on fanon ideas of Parseltongue in order to contrast them, in ways that just don't work so well? Despite what that post says, Parseltongue can just be learned, no dark magic or ceremonies required, and there is no binding geas on magical serpents to respond to or obey a parselmouth.

And as mentioned above, the ethical problems: if people can speak to these much more commonplace animals, such as birds - the wizarding world makes huge use of owl-post, what happens when people can talk to the owls? Such an ability would be heavily regulated to prevent interference with the post, and the skill might also be a sure-fire invitation to work in the national post system or for the more espionage-oriented organisations. What happens to your chickens for eggs and roasting? Your geese for eiderdown? Your turkeys for Christmas or Thanksgiving? This significantly worsens the ethics of things like keeping parrots, especially long-lived African Greys, if they're sapient. And if these animals are sapient, what crime is the magical community allowing to continue by allowing the exotic bird trade or zoos?

An important question to ask when worldbuilding isn't just "is this idea cool" or "can I do it" it's also "what are the consequences of doing this?"

Parseldrakon, as I headcanon it, means people who can speak Parseltongue can learn a dialect that allows them some limited communication with dragons - it's rare, limited, and linked to a trait believed Dark, which explains why it's less common knowledge because Parselmouths would hide it. Why would they say "Oh yes, I can talk to your dragons and maybe calm them down for medical check-ups" if it means they might also get charged of dragon taming or poaching, of commanding dragon escapes and attacks, and be attacked for it?

So - what happens when people can talk to amphibians? Toads, frogs and newts are all potions ingredients. How do you deal with the ethics of that? Cats and dogs might be more possible, but if you're aiming for talking to your domestic pets, why not just find a way to headcanon "familiar bonds" in a way that doesn't breach canon? Birds, I've already mentioned. Fish - merfolk might be able to talk to some, but why or how would a human ever learn to, and why would merfolk try to talk to food?

It is important to at least be willing to ask "why not" as well as "how can I", because yes it can be a bit of a bummer, but it also means your idea holds up more securely to scrutiny.

[professionalnooneatall]

I texted "What do you want for dinner," to the Missus. "Rare red meat," she texted back. Oh no. That means things went bad at some point at work. And it usually means some Epsom salt and lavender is in order for a good long hot bath that has to be just right so she can lower herself into it slowly but so it doesn't burn her and it's nice to watch her do that over a few minutes... Excuse me. My dear lady works so hard for me. And Balthazar, Indigo, Stinky Fred, Peoni, David Fincher, and Leonardo. Our five cats, and our African Grey Parrot. It became rather obvious what she did for a living after about two years of marriage. When we met, she'd been living in a single-bedroom apartment but the bedroom was filled with pelican cases and she was using the rest of the space like was a studio. She was - and is - sweet and cute, and kind to waiters and cashiers. And cats. And Birds. And dogs. And frogs. And iguanas. And monitor lizards. She is perfect. I don't want to think of her when she's killing people. I know she's good at it. She's good at everything. Except taking care of herself. But when I met her there was a fear in her that made me think she'd been abused or fought in a war or something. Not that those things are very different. However, at least in war, you get to kill the people who attacked you. Eventually. As near as I can figure, she saw both long before we met. I'm now 95% sure she kills people for a living. Sometimes she comes home exhausted and tuned the hell up by the bruises she shows. Roughly every six months her job "changes," and it's rather adorable how she makes a good show of it for a month or so. But the cats and the parrot? They don't change. At one point, Leonardo, being the sort of bird that he is even literally talked shit to her about her "new job." I keep up appearances, I know that's important in a marriage. Once I asked her about her "first day" at her "new job" doing god knows what to god knows who and when she said "Just bullshit," Leonardo decided to hop around saying "Fake news! Fake News!" for a whole minute.

I stared him down. Whilst Leonardo was probably right, there was no reason to be so blunt. "Leo?" "Leonardo," he said, correcting me as he always did. "Leonardo, we have to go shopping," I said. He hopped and spun happily and flew to my shoulder and we stepped out of our nice house. Leonardo talks to people because I can't.

"Good morning," he says, "Hello! Hello!" he says. When we get to the shop "Was-salamu alaykum!" Rahim loves Leonardo. "Walakum Salaaaam!" Rahim shouted while his wife rolled her eyes. "Dance with me!" He pressed a button and "Hip Hop Horray" by Naughty by Nature began. I let them indulge while I think about her because I like to do that. I think about her a lot. I think about the pain she can't tell me about. I think about the pain she won't ever admit to. I think about my grandparents who were refugees and soldiers and lived in fear for decades.

I think about how that is the life she won't ever tell me about. "Hallo!" Rahim said and waved his hand in front of his face. He knew I was German and his family was from Germany, too. It was how we connected.

"Entschuldigung, Habibi," I said. "My lady is coming home from a business trip and she asked for red meat for this evening's meal."

Rahim's smile is a smile I appreciate. A professional asked a question that they know the answer to. Broad and unconscious.

It reminds me of her when I ask her about guns. And when she brushes my hair. Rahim came back with a package of butcher paper, blood gently soaking through it, with string.

"The redest of meats for the redest of ladies," Rahim said. "Sayidati." And he tilted his head with respect. For the very first time.

Leonardo bowed and spread his wings. And said nothing. For the very first time. It felt like flying. "I need," I started to say.

"Parsely?" And that professional smile again.

How can I love a woman so much that a man will smile at me with his brightest smile and offer me help to make her good food? My wife loves tabbouleh but with the freshest parsley only. I can mangle the recipe as much as I want, which isn't a whole lot but if the parsley isn't fresh? She will set her jaw with such anger and silence that it terrifies me. I never want to see it again.

I wondered if Rahim was terrified of his wife's disappointment as much as I am of my own wife's disappointment and then Rahim slammed a whole bouquet worth of parsley on the counter and said "Bismil'Allah," with such joy that Leonardo decided to speak again. "Good family good food!" he said. "Look how you learn! A very good bird, wait here!" Rahim disappeared to the back and came back with his fist bursting with cashews. "Here you are, sir!" and Rahim opened his hand. Nothing gratified Leonardo more than being called "sir," and he danced and spun. He took the cashew, crunched it up happily and then ate the pieces.

"Best best best," Leonardo said. "Rahim, can I get some chicken hearts, for the cats?" I asked.

"Stupid cats!" Leonardo snapped. "أنتَ كيف تجرؤ!" Rahim laughed. "Give me just a moment." Rahim went to the back and shortly came back with a plastic container stuffed with chicken hearts. "Bismill'Allah, most people don't know about chicken hearts," he smiled. "You're a good woman. So is your wife." I felt myself blush and my ability to speak just gave me error messages so I forced something out

"You're a good man, Rahim," I said. He presented his fist and I tapped it with my fist. Leonardo and I went home and started to cook dinner. First I roasted the chicken hearts for the cats and that only took an hour. Then my wife came home.

She was brutalized. We are the same height but I'm just not beautiful like she is. It's. You know I'm not like here. She looks like a jeweled sword and I'm. Normal looking. And she falls into my arms. And whatever the hell happened it's okay. Our cats are losing their minds and I pick her up with all the love I have.

I can smell her blood and I bring her to the bathroom. I take her clothing off with the special scissors and I wish I knew who did this to her. "I'm fine," she said as she passed out. She is bruised. Incredibly bruised. Like in ways you can't imagine. But she's got shrapnel and I think bullets as well? I feel this rage looking at her. She's still beautiful. After who the fuck ever tried to kill her. The cats are eating the chicken hearts. The lamb is in the oven. I do what's necessary. I have an electromagnet and I pull out the fragments that are easy to pull out. She grunts and moans but I don't work her body like that. She has bruises everywhere. I check her bones and nothing is broken. "No drugs," she said. "No drugs ever, I'm not... drugs" "I know babe," I said. I picked her up, put her in the bath, and started the water. "MOM MOM MOM!" Leonardo said. "Leooooo," My wife said. "Science science science!" Leonardo said. "I'll be okayyy, your other mother is good, she loves me a whole. lot." my wife said. "Do you love her a whole lot?! A WHOLE LOT?!" Leonardo shouted at me. "Yes, I do," and then I turned my head in a way that Leonardo usually would "A whole lot,"

I lifted my wife up and put her into bed. We held her hoping she wouldn't die and our cats surrounded us and brought healing purrs. We spent our first night together in two years. I take care of her. I love her. I want the best for her. She will have to take a break again. I'm fine with that. It's good to have her home again.

Your spouse (erroneously) thinks they’ve done a good job hiding the fact that they’re an assassin for hire from you. You’ve known for years now, but find just how awful they are at hiding it endearing, and don’t want to spoil it for them.

[liugeaux]

Greatest Songs Ever - Part 25 (250 Songs Deep)

It's the big 2-5! There's no big celebration this time around, but you WILL find, at the bottom of this post, the long-awaited (lol) Spotify playlist of the ongoing Greatest Songs Ever. Big ups to my wife for letting me put it on her account.

That's enough pre-amble let's get down to business.

1983 "If This Is It" - Huey Lewis & The News

Unless I am misunderstanding history, there was a short time when Huey Lewis was one of the coolest people on the planet. In 2024, I cannot fathom it, but I guess the standards for "cool" are always changing. "If This Is It" is kind of an underdog in Lewis' catalog. It's not his biggest hit and isn't associated with a movie, but pound for pound I'd say it's the best I've heard from him. Its walking bassline and doo-wop vibe, have an undeniably lounge sound. Even the tongue-in-cheek approach to a break-up keeps the mood light-hearted and cute. My favorite parts are how Lewis plays with the delivery of "You better let me know/go". Jumping from on the beat to a half beat then back. The song keeps you on your feet.

2019 "Cruel Summer" - Taylor Swift

The second Swift song to make this list had an odd journey to hit-dom. It was an immediate stand-out on her 2019 Lover album, and an assumed single, yet oddly it didn't get an immediate wide radio release. Then the pandemic hit and Swift entered another era and "Cruel Summer" didn't get the attention it deserved. When the Eras Tour rolled around in 2023, the song had a new breath of life and a proper radio release. Taylor Swift is at her best when her poetry melts seamlessly into a melody. I could have hours of discussions on how this has affected her grander body of work, but for our purposes today, "Cruel Summer" is the perfect mixture of her perfectly crafted poetry set to a punchy infectious tune.

1971 "Sunshine" - Jonathan Edwards

It's easy to interpret "Sunshine" as a classic conservative anthem. With lines like "He can't even run his own life, I'll be damned if he'll run mine" and "When he tells me I better get in line, I can't hear what he's saying." the message of the song can be interpreted as heavy handed. However, removed from the post-60s anti-flower-children idea and seen with a wider angle lens, "Sunshine" is about taking control of your life and doing what's necessary to get through the tough times. It can even be heard as a man coping with depression. The beauty of the song is its simplicity and the craft of the lyrics. Once that has its hooks in you, you can find whatever meaning you want in the lyrics.

1990 "Hold On" - Wilson Phillips

1990's premiere nepo-baby group Wilson Phillips never really lived up to the hype of this first single, but like "Take On Me" or "Smells Like Teen Spirit," "Hold On" is an aggressive snap-shot of a very specific and precious moment in time. 2 years earlier it would have been too boring, 2 years later, not edgy enough or too positive. "Hold On" is also a favorite Hollywood needle drop. It works as both a sincere "I love this song" kind of drop and an ironic "this is funny because it's corny" kind of scene. Rarely does a song with such a positive angle become such a huge hit.

1973 "Drift Away" - Dobie Gray

In it's 54 year history "Drift Away" has become somewhat of an American Standard. Dozens have covered it and the odds you'll hear it at your local bar by a thrown-together blues-rock band are pretty high. Arguably though, the most famous version of "Drift Away" is Dobie Gray's 1973 recording. Is it Rock N Roll, is it Country, is it R&B? It's kind of all three and while every corner of American music tells a piece of the story, "Drift Away" lives in the space between and represents all American music. It's only compounded the fact that Grey was African-American.

2002 "Foolish" - Ashanti

It pains me to include a song whose first line is a whisper of "Murder Inc." from what sounds like Ja Rule ... but whatever. I forgot this song existed for a very long time, but once I heard that piano hook again, I knew it was a contender for this list. After my usual research, I wasn't surprised to find it was a sample from an old Debarge song, which had previously been used by Biggie. Luckily "Foolish" has more than one trick up its sleeve. The chorus is the scientific definition of an earworm and Ashanti's airy voice is perfect for the subtle pop arraignment.

1969 "Kick Out the Jams" - MC5

"KICK OUT THE JAMS, MOTHA-FUCKA!" Punk music before punk was punk, MC5's "Kick Out the Jams" seems unassuming at first listen, but the song and the band both would influence generations of punk, rock and metal. Recorded live, this track has a rawkus energy to it and the bridge's guitar solo literally sounds like a band destroying their equipment. Rob Tyner's vocals straining to hit notes and keep tempo only adds to the proto-punk attitude so many would fall in love with.

1966 "You Can't Hurry Love" - The Supremes

Another Motown classic hits the list! I really don't have much to say specifically about "You Can't Hurry Love." I love the bass-heavy instrumentation working opposite the super-high vocals of Diana Ross and crew. The other instruments feel like faint suggestions in the background. These sounds coming from Hitsville became a template for artists to reference for decades. This track is such a bold prototype, its tendrils can still be heard in modern music.

2017 "Hoodie" - Hey Violet

"Hoodie" has been on deck for 3-5 lists and finally lands here. Hey Violet hovered in the Next Big Thing category for about 5 years in the late teens. Basically, until they weren't able to release 2-3 solid pop-punk albums in that time. Just last month they released their "last" album and out of their career they managed to record a dozen or so solid tracks and one absolute classic in "Hoodie". When it was released as a single it had a feature from rappers Ayo & Teo. Like many post-release features, it was attention-grabby and superfluous. A young woman clinging to the busted-up Hoodie of a past lover is a universal enough concept that this song should have been massive, but I guess its inclusion here will have to do.

1992 "End of the Road" - Boyz II Men

Everything about "End of the Road" is wonderful. The soulful silky vocals of Boyz II Men, the super-serious lyrical content, the big climactic chorus, and even the cheesy spoken-word bass vocal breakdowns all paint a vivid picture of late 80s-90s dude-fronted R&B. The energy of this song is exactly the energy of Andy Samburg and Justin Timberlake's characters in "Dick In a Box." I didn't mean to include 2 motown produced tracks this time, but I do not regret it. It's catchy and sad and hopeful and sultry. I am sure though, that every kid in the 90s conceived during "End of the Road" now comes from a broken home, lol.

We did guys, we finished Part 25! As promised, here is the Spotify playlist with all 250 songs chosen so far as the Greatest Songs Ever. Til next time! (you'll likely need to click all the way into Spotify to see the entire list.)

Cheers

[love-and-books320]

You reblog all this stuff about the Hunger Games and ATLA yet claim to be Pro-Israel. You can’t support revolution in media yet when people fight against a colonialist state irl you say they aren’t fighting properly.

Do you think indigenous Americans weren’t fighting back ‘the right way’. Native South Africans? What about the people of India and Pakistan? There is no right way to fight against a colonial state.

You can not be pro-Israel and Pro-peace. To be pro-Israel is to be pro-colonists. That is Pro-Violence. You can’t say “Those things happened awhile ago. Israel is a place now” When people are still alive from the Nakba. When they are still invading and stealing land. You are watch colonialism happen and you are on the side of the colonists.

I say this with kindness and love but maybe you should look at those stories you love so much. It’s just disappointing to see someone miss the point because this colonization seems too grey to them.

It was complicated to American Colonizers too.

And Australian

And South African

And in India.

Now that colonization happens infront of your face you claim again that it’s too complicated.

But this probably won’t change your mind. Which is disappointing because you seem very nice if not slightly blinded. I hope you stay well and you do better ❤️

hi anon!! First I wanna thank you for taking the time to reach out bc if someone’s gonna dislike me or my opinion I’d rather them talk to me about it first! This might be long but I hope at least you read it lol

First i want to say what I’ve always said about this. What Israel is doing is wrong. Personally, I believe that Israel has a right to exist because when it was created that was where most Jews were living at the time because it was their homeland and because the holocaust had driven them out of a pretty much all of Europe. Fleeing Jews were even denied access to America, that’s how horrible it was. There are also valid reasons it shouldn’t have been created that I can agree with. But it a state now. Most ppl living there were born there. If you want to get rid of the whole state you’ll either have to forcibly remove those ppl from their homes or kill them.

which, I agree, is what Israel is trying to do to Palestinians rn, which is insanely horrible and disgusting. I hate Israel’s gov so much. I’m serious. But I do think Israel has a right to have a gov(not this one, but a better one), I don’t support Israel rn but I do support Israel as a whole if that makes sense???

You mentioned the indigenous American people. And yes I agree, huge screw up on America’s part. But what would you have happen? The USA is a colonized state so would you…decolonize it?? Just kick out or kill all Americans who have been living here for generations? That shouldn’t have happened to the indigenous ppls but it shouldn’t happen to the American ppl now. It shouldn’t happen to anyone.

“from the river to the sea, Palestine will be free” that means all the land will belong to Palestine. Israel is between the river and the sea. To completely eradicate Israel as a state would require killing just as many if not more Jews than Arabs are being killed rn. Your answer to a genocide should not be a genocide of the oppressors. That goes for both sides, also kinda a banger line???

my main issue is with Hamas, a terrorist group that kills ppl who wants peace, rapes women, and hides behind women and children to protect themselves. Check the UN’s statements. This is not all Palestinians and does not justify what Israel is doing. But I do hate Hamas.

also you talk a lot about colonization and Israel being a colonizer state. But it’s not like Israel was already a state, invaded Palestine and said this is ours now. That’s what colonization typically is. Instead the area was colonized by Britain(I assume no one wants to go back to that??) and Arabs were living there. Before ww1, even, Jews started to migrate there bc it was their homeland. During and after the holocaust it became the main place for Jews to go, resulting in most jews(a number far far smaller than before the holocaust) living there. So the UN made it into Arab and Jewish states. The UN. Not a country. The UN.

also the Jews were the first ppl living there. Ever. Then they were colonized by the Romans, then the Arabs, then Ottoman Empire, the Brit’s, etc. If we were to really truly decolonize the land, it would belong to the Jews.

that’s not what I believe tho. I think Israel and Palestine should share it equally in peace and I hope and pray that one day that will happen. And if you hate me or think me blindsided for that….maybe your the one who’s not pro peace.

Forgive me for spelling errors or untrue facts. I really hope there are none but I am human, and therefore can be influenced by propaganda and fake news. And sorry if that sounded mean I love you so much anon thanks for reaching out!!!!