#how long do african grey live

[pickingupmymercedes]

The Weight of Saudade - Lewis Hamilton

genre: fluff with hints of angst

pairing: Lewis Hamilton x Brazilian!Reader!

wordcount: +1K

a/n: Axé inspired fic because I'm missing Brasil. If you want to check the song it's Nobre Vagabundo sung by Daniela Mercury.

a/n 2: Axé is in iorubá (african language), it means the light in every living being, and it's used in a few parts of Brasil as a greeting. But it's also a brazilian rhythm with some of the most angsty gorgeous lyrics on love, even with its upbeat feel (my favourite cup of tea tbh)

As always, I'm open for feedback, come say hi!

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Time never asks if you’re ready as it goes on.

It just slips through your fingers, quiet and indifferent, moving forward whether you’ve had enough of the moment or not.

Ironically, I’ve spent quite a while thinking about that; how much of my life is spent watching the clock, counting down days until Lewis comes home, then counting down again until he has to leave.

It’s a cruel kind of math, measuring love in stretches of time apart instead of time together.

London is dull this time of year. Grey, drizzly, the kind of cold that seeps into your bones and makes you feel like you’ll never be warm again.

Lewis, though, is warmth is human form.

His weight is solid against me, the heat of his skin seeping through the thin fabric of my sweater where his head rests on my lap. His braids tickle my fingers as I absently trace circles at the nape of his neck, just over the tape covering his muscles, stiff from testing.

It’s been nearly a month of him in Maranello, and sure, I flew out when I could—weekends, stolen days between meetings—but it wasn’t the same.

I felt it every time I left, the cold settling each time I packed my bag to fly back. And now that he’s finally here, draped across me in the soft, lazy light of a London afternoon, I don’t want to move.

Outside, the rain taps soft against the soil. I watch it run down the glass, curling my toes under the blanket spread over us.

Without even thinking, I start humming, letting a familiar melody slip past my lips.

Lewis shifts slightly, one hand resting on my thigh as his phone buzzes against his palm. He doesn’t say anything at first, just listens, and I’m halfway through the chorus before I feel his fingers slide over mine.

“What’s that you’re singing?” His voice is thick with the sleepiness of finally being back in his own space after too long away.

Damn. I was not prepared for a pop quiz on my own nostalgia

“It’s, uh—” I clear my throat, buying time. How the hell am I supposed to translate this? It’s axé. You don’t explain axé; you feel it. “It’s a song,” I say, extremely helpfully.

Lewis laughs, turning his face slightly so I can see his smirk. “Yeah, babe, I figured that much.” His thumb is still sweeping over my hand, coaxing, patient.

I groan. “I mean, it’s—okay, hold on.” I take a breath. “It’s kind of about time. And love. And—” I make a vague gesture with my free hand— “you know. Life.”

He tilts his head up to look at me. “That’s vague as hell.”

“Because it is vague as hell,” I huff, but he just waits, smiling like he knows I’ll give in. Which, fine. I always do.

I hesitate for a second. Not because I don’t want to tell him, but because some things always sound different when you strip them down to another language.

More vulnerable.

And It’s funny—if I were talking to someone who knew the language, I wouldn’t even have to explain. They’d just get it. But here, with Lewis watching me so intently, I feel like I have to get it exactly right.

“Alright” I shake my head, but my fingers are still in his hair, softening the edges of my reluctance as search the song on my phone and let it play.

I start translating it as the song plays in the background. “How much time do I have… to kill this saudades?”

His brows draw together slightly. “Saudades” He rolls the word around his mouth like he’s tasting it again.

I nod. “My love, this jealousy—it’s just vanity. If you run away, time will soon bring anxiety. To breathe love, aspiring freedom.”

I peek at him, half expecting him to be confused, but he just nods, his expression open. So I go on, the words thick in my throat.

“I have a crazy life… and try to lead the world. I live from deep love. I perish in time. And I live for a second. Forgive me, my love, for being this noble vagabond.’”

Silence stretches between us for a moment, just the hum of the song, rain and the city outside.

And the quietness makes me feel absurdly self-conscious. I mean, I just translated a whole damn song in a overcast London afternoon to a man who knows about 5 words in Portuguese.

Lewis, as always, doesn’t let me sit in it too long. He squeezes my hand gently. “That’s beautiful” he murmurs.

I exhale, rolling my eyes a little, but he doesn’t let me dodge.

“It’s on wanting time to slow down” I say after a moment. “So you can actually be in it. So you don’t have to spend half of it missing what’s not even gone.”

Lewis watches me, his gaze steady in that way that makes me feel like he sees through my ribcage. “Yeah?”

I nod. “It’s one of the many meanings of saudades.”

His lips curve. “One of my favorite words I’ve learned from you.”

I smile, tilting my head. “Yeah, and what’s the second?”

His fingers tighten slightly over mine before answering in the most Rio de Janeiro accent you’ve heard in years. “Gostoso” (hot as in attractively hot)

And you can’t help the chuckle that escapes you as he smirks “Oh, shut up.” I flick his forehead, but he just laughs, eyes crinkling.

His face then softens, and he nods like he gets it. Like it makes perfect sense. “It always gets me how y’all manage to fit the deepest feelings in two paragraphs.”

I laugh, breathy and real, shaking my head. “It’s a skill.”

Lewis’ gaze darkens, his thumb stroking along my skin. “Yeah,” he murmurs. “But I get the feeling.”

I glance down at him, not even letting the words settle before I say them “I’m already with saudades of the time I’ll have to be away from you.”

But as soon as I say it I can’t the sigh, shifting slightly underneath him. “It’s stupid, right? We’re here. You’re home. And I’m still thinking about the next time you’ll have to leave.”

Lewis turns fully onto his back now, looking up at me. “It’s not stupid.” His voice is quiet, firm. “I think about it too.”

I don’t say anything for a second, just run my nails lightly over his scalp. “Ferrari’s making you happy, though,” I say, because it’s true. He’s been buzzing about it for weeks, despite the grueling testing schedule, despite the stress. And I love that for him. I do.

A small smile tugs at his lips. “Yeah. It’s been good. Crazy, but good. The car feels promising. And Maranello’s…” He trails off, exhaling. “It’s a dream, honestly.”

I smile, brushing a braid back from his forehead. “See? Worth it.”

His fingers find mine again. “Yeah. But still.” He lifts our joined hands slightly. “I always feel saudades of being away from you.” His smile tilts. “Did I use that right?”

A soft laugh escapes me before I can stop it. “Almost.” I brush a finger on his cheek. “But the feeling is right.”

Lewis hums, pleased with himself. His other hand slides up, pressing against my ribs, a slow, absentminded caress. “So what do we do about it?”

I sigh theatrically. “Dunno. Run away to Brazil. Hide out somewhere warm.”

His grin is immediate. “Sold.”

I roll my eyes, but his fingers tighten at my side, tugging me down slightly. “I’m serious,” he murmurs, voice lower now, lips brushing just beneath my jaw. “Just me and you, yeah?”

My breath catches for half a second.

God, this man.

I tip my head, letting my nose brush the top of his ear. “Just me and you” I whisper.

Lewis hums in agreement, tracing lazy circles on my wrist with his thumb. Then, after a moment, he tilts his head back at me, smirking “You’re gonna have to translate funk to me one day.”

I snort, shaking my head. “Yeah, not a change.”

I tilt my head, watching the way his lips twitch like he already knows where I’m going with this. “But I can show you.”

He lifts a brow, amused. “Yeah?”

I wink. “Yeah.”

His laugh rumbles against my skin as he sit up and looks at me like a kid who’s been told there’s candy.

The warmth of the moment muffles the biting cold, and for now, just for this moment, it’s more than enough.

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[happysparklingshadows]

𝙼𝚒𝚜𝚝𝚢 𝚀𝚞𝚒𝚐𝚕𝚎𝚢 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜 ('𝟿𝟼)

Warnings: mentions of killing, mentions of violence, and mentions of smut.

Notes: @h-doodles

𝙶𝚎𝚗𝚎𝚛𝚊𝚕 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

♡ Misty is an Aquarius Sun and a Virgo Rising.

♡ Misty's favorite color is pastel pink, but she generally loves any color in pastel.

♡ Misty has always been a bird person over any other animal. She was always drawn to caged animals over ones that could just crawl on top of her like a dog. She doesn't mind cats so much if they don't eat birds. She first fell in love with her grandmother's 29-year-old red Parrot when he would repeat what she said. It felt like something finally paid attention to her and wanted to please her. So, she has had her nest full ever since. Her favorite type of bird is the African Grey, who lives to be 35-40 years old and will do commands.

Misty's spirit animal is the Owl

♡ Misty is forced to be an introvert, even though she is truly an extrovert. She wishes she could make friends wherever she goes, that she has a silver tongue, and that everyone likes her. But she has an unsettling nature and could never be normal like everyone else. She was an outcast to her peers and was just taken as a joke. She just doesn't put herself out there all the time.

♡ Misty's favorite food is meatloaf and mashed potatoes or soup. She likes a home-cooked meal like her grandma used to make, something comforting and filling. She's the least picky person about food, though.

♡  Misty's childhood was extremely lonely and full of rejection. I feel like, and for some reason, Misty lived with her grandparents based on how she dressed and what her house looked like as an adult. She has no siblings, and her closest relative is her grandmother. I think that Misty was neglected in some way by her parents and was raised by her grandparents, and when they passed away, she was truly alone. Surprisingly, Misty had a lot of friends when she was little in elementary school, but for one reason or another, every one of her friends abandoned her. In middle school, that is when the title of outcast and freak was placed on her, and she started to get viciously bullied by every one of her peers, even her teachers sometimes. I think a deep bitterness spreads inside of Misty, and something snaps inside of her mind during that time, and I think it causes her to become a sociopath. She knows what emotions are and her own, but she can't have empathy and does get pleasure from the suffering of others. That's why she doesn't care about hurting others or even killing people, but she is desperate for approval and love.

♡ As I said before, Misty has no true friends outside the people she fusses over against their will. She is the type to cling to anyone who lets her linger around long enough, and if she is around long enough, she will think that the person loves her.

♡ Misty's sex drive is HIGH HIGH. She doesn't do anything without thinking about having sex, and I feel like she is the type not to be able to do anything before she rubs one out in the morning. She is pretty sexual but hides it pretty well. She's the type you wouldn't catch checking you out, but she definitely would be checking you out. Unpopular opinion: Misty is a Top!

♡ Misty's main vice is emotional reassurance and codependency. She just will do anything to have someone keep her feeling loved and wanted, so she doesn't care what feelings need to be hurt or what needs to be done for her to keep the person in her claws there. She will manipulate any situation for her benefit, and she can keep her strategies moving so no one can see how she is moving—also, ketamine.

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion⚠️ if any of the yellowjackets girls are an MTF (trans girl), it would be Misty just based on how everyone treats her horribly, how Misty acts, and how much she tries to prove her femininity like her overdoing her makeup.

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion 2⚠️ Misty is surprisingly gentle, although she is unsettling. Although she has some moments of being creepy and making people uncomfortable, she is very gentle and mellow throughout the day. She is clingy, but she isn't super intense all the time.

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion 3⚠️ I believe Misty is so unsettling for the other survivors because she is the most at ease in the wilderness. Misty is in her element, helping people out there, and finds great pleasure in being useful to everyone. I believe Misty was a developing sociopath before the crash, but surviving the wilderness made it a confident diagnosis for her.

♡ ⚠️Unpopular opinion 4⚠️ Misty has the most Yandere tendencies of all the girls. She would happily scare off anyone who comes close to her person of interest, hurt people, or even kill someone over something so little as jealousy. She has killed people for less.

𝙳𝚒𝚏𝚏𝚎𝚛𝚎𝚗𝚝 𝙰𝚄/𝚄𝚗𝚒𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚜𝚎

♡ Royalty AU! Misty Quigley is a loyal knight who will defend their kingdom with her life. She is very smart and knows when her opinion matters, but she is best at using it as a means to an end. The middleman will complete the project or objective. Misty reminds me of D'ace from Fear and Hunger.

♡ Delinquent AU! Serial Killer. I don't think I need to explain myself for Misty being a serial killer. But I think she would be a Dexter-type killer who would have a double life where they are seen as weird but unable to kill anyone.

♡ Supernatural AU! Fairy in a historically accurate way. She would wait around a fairy circle to trap a victim, singing to them to lure people to step into the circle and take the person to the fairy realm to take the human's skin to wear. She would fall in love with humans but would always end up killing them because of her magic in this tragic cycle of wanting to be loved but killing the ones who could finally.

♡ Superhero/Marvel AU! Hulk, for whatever reason. I think Bruce and Misty's education on the human body and introversion, rejection trauma, and hate of themselves match very well. Misty snaps and damages the people she wants to hurt, so seeing her become a huge green freak isn't too crazy.

♡ College AU! Nursing Major who is extremely serious about her education and how she is working through college. She is a part of almost four clubs, a president in one, and is at the top of her class and observations. She would barely have time to entertain anyone seriously. If she noticed someone liked her, she would 100% go insane for them and obsess over them.

𝙿𝚛𝚎-𝙲𝚛𝚊𝚜𝚑 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

♡ Honestly, I don't believe Misty would ever be in a relationship before going to college. She was so weird in high school and didn't know how to mask some parts of herself yet to find someone who wouldn't be overwhelmed by her. However, I do think Misty would be in a profoundly homoerotic, toxic, codependent best friendship that is just a hair away from being lovers.

♡  Misty would be a Clingy, possessive "friend" who would think the reader is leaving her friendship every time the reader hangs out with anyone else. Misty would use the "everyone leaves me" card on you, and she would be so sad that it would make you isolate from everyone but her. Misty would become your only friend, and soon, you would only think about Misty, as if the two of you couldn't exist without each other.

 ♡ Misty will know everything about you. She has a whole binder of paper she doodles in and makes notes about you in. She doesn’t think it’s weird. She lists your life facts, favorite things, and things she knows you hate or make you uncomfortable.

 ♡ Like it or not, you are doing your fucking homework. Your grades will go up by just being with Misty. Either she already had the class or is taking it with you; she will be studying with you as an excuse and using it as a lure to trick you into doing more things with her.

𝚆𝚒𝚕𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚜 𝙷𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚌𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚜

♡ Misty will treat you like Ben if you are injured. She will make you shroom tea, message your body aches, and hold you up so you can go to the bathroom. She loves you deeply, and nothing can make her unsure of you, even being injured, like in sickness and health.

♡ Misty would skip meals to make sure you had something to eat. She would give you the last drop of her water if you needed it. It doesn’t matter to her. You’re all she needs.

♡ Misty somehow finds a way to talk to you more than before the wilderness. She talks about every interest, fun fact, or passing thought. She doesn’t have a filter with you when she loses the pressure of society. 

♡  Misty likes to make plans for the future with you and talks about them like they would happen without hesitation. “We’re going to have birds.” Misty would say. “We’re going to have a farm and make it a petting zoo.” She would say at night, cuddling into your chest. There was nothing but time and her imagination out in the wilderness.

♡ She is fucking you like crazy. She goes crazy for you by the simplest things and would stuff her fingers deep inside of your cunt before you can collect your thoughts. In the wilderness, your sex life with Misty is the most exciting thing to explore out there. It was all hot and animalist, with bites and scratches. She will even grow risky and try to finger you under the blankets in the cabin during the night as everyone is sleeping. 

♡ Unironically, I think she would ask you to marry her in the wilderness because she wants to be together forever. It doesn’t matter if you want to. She would find a way to tie you to her in the wilderness’s eyes. She wanted to claim you in more ways than your body and your time, and she wanted her soul to always be with yours so she always felt like she belonged. 

Vanessa headcanons ✿ Natalie headcanons ✿

[bomberqueen17]

the gay dolphins are too powerful

yesterday i was facing the facts that i do need to actually work out the technical mcguffins in this novel. like, i have some vague notion that there's a problem with the radio network because of solar flares and our heroes are going to... somehow... fix it. idk.

plot and worldbuilding wittering behind the cut

this was the main plot in the solarpunk mammoths novel too, and i had a vague notion that a problem on such a global scale as that would need to like. it would need to be solved by more than one person. and so my nebulous notion is that possibly several sets of characters could work on it in these loosely-connected novels where really i'm just exploring different ecosystems.

idk i just-- y'all know about the Turkey City Lexicon right? I got it as a hand-out in college creative writing class and of course it reshaped my brain, but. one of the Tropes To Beware they've got is the Cozy Catastrophe, which is startlingly prevalent and once you see it you can't unsee-- "the world is ending! all of humanity will die! unless... Jeff and Suzy, you're our only hope!" and our two everyman protagonists somehow are the only resources the entire world can muster and honestly the entire world seems to consist of one American city block with about three hundred people in it at most. Hm.

so i was like yah this catastrophe is way too cozy.

meanwhile i forget how it came up but @sonnetsandsinging, helpfully spitballing, said something about space whales and i was like

OMG in a world with genetically-engineered mammoths with radio collars that translate their brain waves to allow them to speak in human language it is ABSURD that they are the only species of animal that has been given this treatment

so like. what other animals do we try to talk to all the time besides elephants?

DOLPHINS

so now this world has genetically-engineered dolphins with brainwaves-to-speech dorsal fin attachments. like duh of course it does. i can't believe I hadn't thought of that.

there should be other animals too but i can't decide which ones, currently taking submissions. What Else Should Slightly-Disconcertingly Speak.

(My criteria: should be an animal intelligent enough to have successful communication with humans already, something relatively long-lived, something that couldn't use sign language or other methods already. My concept, which is not scientific really, is that it's been well-studied that while many animals have complex communication systems, humans are the only ones whose brains are structured specifically for language, so the Magic Fictional Science here is that they've had that ability genetically-engineered in, but of course the physical production of human-intelligible language is beyond the physical structure of most animals, hence the brainwave-interface collars. which btw could also be used on profoundly disabled humans, and that might be a plot point at some point; i do have some disabled characters in this story. I know I researched those like, communication board things that nonverbal humans can use and I settled on Magical Radio-Networked Interfaces that speak out loud instead for the simple expedient of streamlining things because like how is a mammoth going to carry a communication board around that it can like get out and point at. how is a dolphin going to carry anything. so, this is just where I ended up.)

(I was thinking parrots but then parrots wouldn't need the collar because they can actually make human-speech noises on their own. so that's a fun variation. maybe in this world african grey parrots actually just talk.)

Anyway back when I first started the solarpunk mammoths novel I researched Asian elephants a lot and studied their social structures and read up on their physical abilities etc., so in between trying to find out how radio waves and semiconductors work (i get the radio waves thing & think i have my mcguffin sorted out but semiconductors made my eyes glaze over and then begin weeping so i gave up) (also supercapacitors i don't understand u sorry bye) (do i know any electronics engineers who want to explain this in normal languages? shit i do know a chemical engineer maybe she knows. heck) ... ok i wandered away from this post to text her and then forgot i was making it. i did not get a lot of sleep last night the amphetamines are not being kind this go-round but i must continue the experiment. uhhhhh where was i

GAY DOLPHINS

too powerful

Yeah so I started researching dolphins, because if I'm going to have named-and-speaking dolphin characters, I need to know a little bit about how they work.

Now I have a slight head-start on this, just as I did on mammoths. Mammoths, I've been obsessed with since I was a toddler. But dolphins. For a while I used to go to SCA camping events and there was this guy who used to be a Navy diver and then worked for Sea World and he. well he was really good at telling stories, was his deal. And he had Seen Some Shit, and some of that shit was about interacting with dolphins. And the thing about dolphins is that. Well, they're violent little chaos gremlins, and just in the course of going about their normal lives, one of the things they do to interact with the world is, well. they have sex with things.

when they do this to people it is generally not a positive experience for the person. but. so i knew that going in. and most of the information on the internet about dolphins is really like. earnest and loving and whatever, which is great. but the thing is that dolphins are chaos gremlins who will fuck anything they can't eat, eat anything they can't fuck, or sometimes do both to the same unfortunate object if it proves to be possible.

what i'm saying is, these are going to be really entertaining characters to work with. because elephants, conversely, do not have recreational sex. they do a lot of things, but they just don't really do that. so dolphins are like. inverse-elephants, culturally.

Elephants also tend to have a strong matriarch, strong bonds between females, and then the males tend to be largely solitary, but will congregate more loosely, often around an older male who will teach them manners. (A well-mannered bull is MUCH more likely to be allowed to mate with desirable females, who have little patience with male foibles.)

Dolphins have looser gender roles; on the whole, the females tend to loosely congregate, and pregnant females usually go back to their mother's pod to birth and raise young, not dissimilar to elephants, but the males--

male dolphins very, very frequently will pair-bond. Two males of similar age-- adult males have very little to do with juveniles of either sex, generally-- will pair-bond and will be inseparable for the rest of their lives. If one of them dies, the other will mourn-- mourning behavior is well-documented in dolphins-- and then will seek to pair off with another adult male, because male dolphins prefer to work in pairs, for survival and companionship. (Dolphin "pods" are also more loosely-organized than elephant herds; dolphins will have a couple of core companions, but then will freely associate and disassociate with other individuals and groups over short periods of time without much fuss, depending on the situation.)

The pair-bonded males are the ones who in the wild do the behavior you see in shows, where they do like synchronized jumps and very-close fast-precise swimming and such, which in the wild are apparently courtship or threat displays-- i.e. "look how tight we are, you can't fight us" or, alternately, "isn't that hot" because

yes that's often how they court females. The pair will corral a desirable female and herd her away from other dolphins so they can both mate with her, and keep her from mating with anybody else.

(other females have been observed collaborating to free a corralled female who did not want this to happen, so it's not quite as rapey as it sounds. though, i mean. dolphins. what can you do.)

anyway dolphin threesomes are canon. but that derailed the rest of my night and i was unable to concentrate on anything else because the gay-- I should say really bisexual dolphins are too powerful.

so anyway i wrote a test scene with a dolphin character, and i had my main character take his wife and baby down to the jetty to introduce them to his dolphin pals, and a bonded male pair he'd known for years showed up and immediately tried to steal the wife, and then expressed shock that he didn't have his male best friend with him, because in their experience breeding was THEE most important time to have your buddy with you. He explains that his buddy is off on a long-term work assignment, and they're like hmph next time you breed you MUST include him, it is so much easier trust us. and the wife is like hmmmmm!

henceforth i will refer to m/m/f threesomes as "dolphin style" you're welcome

[st-peculiar]

do you have notes on the appearance of your favorite to:a characters?

I audibly cheered as this notification dropped onto my screen thank you anon for asking

Me and @heycerulean have talked about the character’s appearances to an extent, so I’ll tag them so they can reply with their characters as well

Currently, I have two characters that have solid designs, those being KC Ruona and Marijn Fierro de Reyes, and my other two (Ossian Hellström and Beauden Locke) are still works in progress

First is KC Ruona! She’s a Finnish alchemist with multiple doctorates in a variety of science-based disciplines. She’s also my favorite of the designs I’ve made for the to:a characters so far. Pale skin, wide light blue eyes, and some shallow wrinkles across her face. She’s in her mid-30s if that’s anything. Around 6ft tall if she stood upright fully

Not much to note on her to be honest because the picrew I made for her is pretty accurate as to how I imagined her

Next is Marijn Fierro de Reyes, who’s Chilean with some Dutch ancestry. He’s the resident AI engineer on the ship as well :) I’m gonna be honest, I didn’t have much of a plan for his appearance until I made this tbh but I’m very happy with how it came out. He dresses very casually out of uniform (t-shirts, hoodies, mainly just loose clothing that’s comfortable) and in uniform is just the standard stuff, not much customization to it besides maybe rolling up his sleeves a bit. 5’7 at most.

Again, not much to add. Age is mid-late 20s and he’s been doing tech work for pretty much his entire career, so he had to pick up a pair of glasses along the way to combat the squinting at small text battle that he was having. He’s cool

Other than those two, I only have vague outlines of my other two solid characters

Hellström is in his 50s and has been almost fully grey since he was a teenager, but his hair used to be a mid-tone brown when he was younger. He’s Welsh-Swedish so he’s pretty white tbh. He needs reading glasses, so he has little rectangular ones tucked in his uniform. His body is very boxy if I had to name the shape, same with his facial features. One of his fingers is amputated but uses a little wood prosthetic in its place that was made for him before the being employed for the Arke mission

Locke is a very sun-deficient pale, dark circles around his eyes, some moles on his face, long and wry features. Shoulder length hair that he refuses to tie up, so he uses bandanas a lot of the time. I’m thinking of switching up his ethnicity, but lived most of his life in IJmuiden, a port city in the Netherlands.

My other two characters are in the works currently, but I can tell you that one of them is South African with very strong ties to her culture which will show a lot in how I imagine her. Can’t tell you anything about the other though except that he has a pretty bogus degree in herbal science and medicine and no one trusts him to do his job which is kinda funny

Anyways yeah thank you so much for prompting me about to:a characters

[betterbemeta]

Yeah Dinotopia did this to me, I love art that depicts humans living and working with dinosaurs, its so cool

but like. we need to have a talk. there are two options for this scenario and both of them require human beings be a lot braver or more thoughtful than I think we are on average:

the dinosaurs are sapient. But bird intelligence is convergent evolution to mammal intelligence. Meaning that what we're really depicting is a society where humans and 'an alien species' have peacefully integrated: just, aliens separated by time from the same planet and not aliens separated by distance such as from another planet.

the dinosaurs aren't sapient. Human beings have sustained a military loss to emus, it's pretty hard to have a cassowary as your chill friend and most attacks have to do with feeding them, and most human beings tend to be wary or frightened of even middling-large birds such as geese, turkeys, swans, and that's without getting into predatory birds like eagles and condors. Human beings have domesticated birds and kept them as pets for a long time, but we're talking chickens, pigeons... 'exotic birds' kept as companion animals such as parrots aren't domesticated and we should understand how huge a commitment it is to keep them. Are we ready to be pals with a cockatiel the size of a donkey? How about larger than a rhinoceros?

I'm not slamming these as fantasy concepts. People love to depict Amazing Animal Companions and probably always have throughout history. But I think we can keep it fresh by coming at this with a smidge of realism. Your intelligent dinosaur friend may not be a human person in a lizard suit but instead an Extremely Large African Grey Parrot With Fingers. Or your Pet Dinosaur may be, uh, Loud And Broody if you don't put it to bed on time. How do you enforce bedtime and lights out for a creature that can thagomize your walls, and you? Carefully.

[solarishashernoseinabook]

what fursonas would you assign the rangers apprentice cast?

oh boy. well. i'll do my best

full disclosure. i know very little about furries. the "jesus's fursona is a carpenter ant" thing was a one-off joke based off of his profession. but i'm gonna approach this as "what animal is this character like", and try to work with that

Will - Crow Will is clever, and a prankster, and also loyal, so I made him a Crow. They quite often play with wolves, and play tricks on them, pulling their tails and stealing food from them, but also show loyalty to people who look after them. Crows are highly intelligent, making tools to do what they like, and are skilled mimics - better than parrots. These fit with Will's ability to blend in to any group he finds himself in and his ability to find creative uses for people to do seemingly impossible things. (Ravens do all this too, of course, but crows are significantly smaller than ravens, and a defining trait of Will is his height - or lack thereof).

Halt - Wolf Wolves have reputations as solitary, independent creatures (think of how "lone wolves" are spoken about as though they're cool creatures even though we know they tend to live in packs), and also strike people as quite scary. In truth, wolves live in extended family groups, male wolves make good and protective fathers, and they tend to avoid people. Plus everybody mistakes certain dog breeds for wolves, and Halt has his identity consistently questioned by people who expect the legendary ranger to be someone much different.

Horace - Horse Gonna be honest, I was pretty torn between this and dog, but I went with horse. People often don't expect much of horses, and they're not known for their intelligence like dogs are. But horses are very dependable, do what they're trained to do very well, and can absolutely fuck you up if you get on the wrong side of their hooves.

Cassandra - Peregrine Falcon I hummed and hawed over this one, but peregrines fit Cassandra's vibe best. All birds of prey have a certain regal air to them, but peregrines are well-known for being highly effective hunters, dive-bombing their prey to snatch them in their talons, and I think that parallels Cassandra's use of a sling quite well.

Alyss - Swan Couriers in Araluen are known for wearing long white dresses (like swans), and Alyss is frequently described as very graceful. Swans also have a mean streak and can break your arm with their wings, and Alyss showed her mean side plenty of times during the series. Nevertheless, they're very caring parents to their cygnets, paralleling Alyss's willingness to sacrifice herself to save a child.

Pauline - Dove This one's pretty basic. Doves are considered symbols of peace in much of the world - and what better symbol of peace is there than the head of Redmont's diplomatic corps?

George - African Grey Parrot Parrots are well-known for their ability to mimic speech, and African Greys are among the best. Alex, an African Grey studied by Irene Pepperberg, famously asked questions about himself, generated entirely new sentences, and otherwise indicated he understood the words he was saying instead of simply parroting (heh) them back to Pepperberg. Thanks to him, African Grey Parrots are considered some of the most intelligent birds and are thought to have a similar capacity to human toddlers. So, the character who uses his words the best, and speaks at length, is the parrot.

Jenny - Cat Humans may be the only animal that cooks, but cats are still well-known for feeding each other. They over-hunt any area they're in to create a stockpile for cats in a colony who can't hunt as well, or to teach kittens how to hunt. Despite living in these colonies, cats are also quite independent, not adhering to a strict social order like dogs do. Finally, it's commonly accepted that cats basically domesticated themselves (there's more nuance to this, but go with it). Thus, Jenny, who decided who she wanted to be apprenticed to and got herself that spot, who struck out on her own to create her own restaurant, and never met a person she didn't try to feed, is a cat.

[nioumin-draw]

Facts about Lorelei Sanders ( HPMA) #1 :

•Lorelei been sorted in Gryffindor house, if she were in ilvermony she would be sorted to Wampus or Thunderbird

•she live to Nothing hill with her family

•When she spent her summer vacation to Uganda her family for visit her mother's family side , the thing she loves most is doing Safari.

• she used to have some muggle "friends" before Hogwarts , after she go to Hogwarts she told them she been accepted to a boarding school. She tried to sent them some letters but they never write her back but she haven't been upset because she knew it will happen and she have new true friends now.

•her patronus is a lioness

•the most happiest memory she remember for creat her patronus is : when she met the Holyhead Harpies atvher first quidditch game.

• Robyn Thistlethwaite became her best friends during Hogwarts because of their love for quidditch and she also have a bond for Daniel Page and consider him as a precious friend, she is always worry about him and protect him if it's necessary.

•At first the first sight she found William Lee too immature and is annoyed by him and his shenanigans but appreciates his kindness towards animals and his optimistic and funny personality and you'll never find a better dance partner than him , people wondering how that could work between them XD 🤣.

•During the 3 first year she had long curly hairs and cut them for year 4

• her cat , Comoros ( Named from a African région) is a present from her parents for her first year to Hogwarts.

•She realize she fell in love with William Lee at the end of year 2 and in year 4 the became officially a couple.

• she can't stand Cassandra Vole but is always ready to help her.

•Fischer Frey have a crush for her but she rejected him all time.

• according to William Lee , she smell Vanilla and coconut, probably because of hair care cream.

• Because of a misunderstanding with William she was a bit jealous of Abigail Grey ( who had a crush on him ) but after a explanation they become great friends

• She play quidditch as chaser with Liam Whitlock-Kim @chirithy564 at year 2 and became seeker at year 4

•William and her first date was supposed to be in Madam Puddifoot's Tea Shop in Hogsmeade but it finally end to The three broomsticks because it was to Pink for them XD and a butterbeer sound better than tea 🍻.

•she a big fan of the Holyhead Harpies.

•she is inspired from the actress and Singer Zendaya.

• she is very proud of her father despite the fact he is a squib and would punch anybody who say trash about him.

• She is Aries 🐏♈

• her favorite flowers are begonias , tulip 🌷 and flowering plant.

[frogofalltime]

@luneyjuney asked me for my top 100 birds and i am extremely autistic so. here yall go

feral pigeon (if you even slightly know me you will be aware of this. i have a whole army of pigeon friends in my city and they are my favourite birds of all time)

wandering albatross (widest wingspan of all extant birds, fly incredibly long distances, hella cool)

sparrowhawk (so cool and also the name of the main character in earthsea)

african penguin (i became obsessed with them as a kid because i didn't know penguins could live in warm places)

great crested grebe (hella cool, also i saw one in real life a few weeks ago !!)

woodpigeon (they are always cooing outside my grandparents' house and it feels like home when i hear them)

bee hummingbird (tiny. adorable. the world's smallest bird)

nightjar (weird big mouths, i love them)

carrion crow (extremely smart and very emo)

magpie (they steal stuff they find on the floor, just like me fr)

mourning dove (name a better sound than the mourning dove's song, i'll wait)

green pigeon (my favourite colour and my favourite bird, what else do you want)

fairy wren (so small !! so cute !!)

tailorbird (they sew leaves together to make their nests, honestly the coolest thing ever)

turtle dove (pretty pretty pretty)

speckled pigeon (SO PRETTY AND I LOVE THEM)

little penguin (they look like babies !!!!)

barn owl (their faces are so lovely. i want to look like a barn owl in my next life)

spotted woodpecker (i saw one last summer !! i like the noise they make)

cockatiel (pikachu looking cheeks)

blue tit (they're so pretty and cute and i like their song !)

european robin (friendly little guys with pretty red bellies, and the loveliest song you've ever heard)

eurasian wren (small and round and the way they hop makes me smile)

collared dove (another beautiful pigeon-related bird)

kiwi (they have a special place in my heart thanks to a really sad video i watched in eight grade)

pekin duck (big and white with orange beaks and feet, very iconic)

gouldian finch (so pretty and i wanted to change my name to finch when i was younger)

emerald dove (green wings !!! and pigeon-adjacent !!!)

little grebe (just a baby. i have seen them a few times and they are so sweet)

mistle thrush (they're so beautiful !! i see them regularly in local parks)

wagtail (i like watching them perch around the river wagging their tails)

chaffinch (another lovely finch species !)

elf owl (world's smallest owl !!!)

bleeding heart dove (tragic in a beautiful way)

crowned pigeon (so beautiful, imagine a pigeon wearing the most splendid crown you've ever seen)

rosy-faced lovebird (couple goals fr)

coot (i like their funny webbed feet)

diamond dove (pretty !!!!)

orpington chicken (fluffy and big and make me feel cosy)

little owl (another tiny guy !!)

cockatoo (i made friends with one as a kid, she was so cool)

silkie chicken (so soft and beautiful)

hoopoe (i refuse to believe this is not a pokémon)

raven (big, black, smart, awesome)

mexican violetear (they're so pretty aaaa what shiny colourful feathers !)

great egret (majestic)

java sparrow (we studied them last year, it's funny how they are extinct in their native habitat but are thriving in their new temple homes)

mallard duck (the most common ducks that you see everywhere, i love them)

bowerbird (becky lemme smash)

house sparrow (cute little guys that live in the garden, we call them The Gang)

puffin (i like their beaks)

kakapo (big green potato bird)

potoo (they're so weird !! i love them !!)

grey heron (every time i see one it feels like a good omen)

red-crowned crane (the iconic japanese crane that i like to make origami of)

swallows (cool forked tails)

ringneck parakeet (they're so awesome !)

long tailed widowbird (longest tail you've ever seen, actually pretty ridiculous)

pochard (adorable little duck species)

peafowl (of course, i mean look at them)

mandarin duck (their plumage is so ornate !!! i see them in the park a lot !!!)

european starling (they're so common but so cool ! there's a family of them that live outside my window and i like to greet them every time i go outside)

fairy penguin (tiny tiny tiny)

bittern (pretty rare and make a great noise)

blue bird of paradise (exactly what it sounds like)

peregrine falcon (honestly these should be higher on the list they're awesome)

ruff (they have really interesting sexual dynamics, some of the males look exactly like females while others look starkly different, look them up)

oilbird (there's a picture of them with their mouths wide open in one of my bird books and it made me fall in love)

chiffchaff (they make such a cool noise, hence the name)

kingfisher (i think i saw one once as a kid, truly fantastic creatures)

red kite (i see them flying overhead sometimes, very cool birds of prey)

eastern bluebird (so pretty ! i wish we had them in the uk)

amazon parrot (hella intelligent and awesome)

frogmouth (i like frogs, and they look so goofy)

white emu (i saw one last summer, very cool)

grey parrot (apollo good bird !)

european blackbird (very common here, with a very memorable song. there's one outside my window that stays awake at night and sings to me when i get home late)

skylark (allouette gentil allouette)

blue jay (another cool species i wish we had in the uk)

waxwing (very pretty !)

mockingbird (they're so smart, they can mimic noises really well)

white hawk (the coolest hawk species in my opinion)

spoonbill (their beaks look like spoons)

nightingale (sang in berkeley square)

snow goose (the same reason i like pekin ducks; they just look so perfect, like yea that's a Goose alright)

chinstrap penguin (gay !!!!!!! look up roy and silo, you won't regret it)

cormorant (i like the way they display their wings, so magnificent)

house martin (they have a symbiotic relationship with humans, very cool)

sandpiper (i like the way they run)

tufted duck (cute little tuft on their heads)

fairy pitta (oh they are gorgeous)

great tit (they have regional accents, but they all have a two-note song which is very recognisable, there was one that sang nonstop in my parents' garden one year and we became quite fond of him)

shoebill (people say they're terrifying, but i think they're really cool, despite the creepiness)

blue footed booby (silly little guys that do a goofy tap dance with their bright blue feet)

red-billed scythebill (long ass curved beak)

ostrich (of course they had to be on the list somewhere, enormous speedy bois)

painted bunting (colourful and spectacular)

cactus wren (they make holes in cactus stems to live inside and keep cool ! very smart !)

harrier hawk (rather amazing bird of prey)

common swift (they're so fast, and i love watching them fly in the spring and summer)

[battlingangels]

The Heir of Slytherin - S.S. fic Chapter 1

to read on ao3

the end of sorcerers stone

"Don't tell me you've grown to care for the boy?" Dumbledore challenged Snape, eyeing him with doubt.

Snape paused for a moment, lifting his wand into the air. "Expecto patronum."

The air twisted and turned, exuding a blue hue, creating the shape of a doe. She danced around the room before escaping through the window above.

"Lily." Dumbledore breathed. "After all this time?"

Snape's hands shook as he lowered his wand. "Always."

The old wizard stroked his long grey beard before stumbling to take a seat at his desk. "Severus, this simply won't do."

Snape's brooding eyes settled on the man in front of him. "And why is that, Albus?" He challenged.

"Because Lily was never your soulmate." Dumbledore chuckled darkly, his fist landing on the desk. "I have been waiting for the moment you would come to see the truth. But I suppose you never will if I don't tell you..."

Snape swallowed the emotion quickly building in his throat. "What are you talking about?"

"There will be a girl, Severus. A girl that you were destined to be with." Dumbledore stated, his eyes tracing Snape's for some kind of reaction. "She will come into your life very soon, and you simply cannot be hung up on a dead woman's memory when she does! I won't allow it."

Snape's heart was pounding now. He remained still; his  lips were pursed  tightly, his eye twitching. "Who?"

Dumbledore lifted his wand to the sky, enchanting the room. The future painted the air.

the beginning of chamber of secrets

Everything had happened so suddenly. It was like I was getting attacked from all sides with nowhere to run. Only two weeks after the school year ended in June, my mother and father were murdered. Later that month, I was told to take what items I wanted from the house, the only home I had ever known, as I would be living with friends until my parents' will could be finalized.

Then, after somewhat settling into a new environment, by mid-July the North African Ministry confirmed that I must leave my country and all that I had built there for Scotland to stay with my godfather, Albus Dumbledore. This was a man I had never even met, let alone realized had a connection to my parents. There came a point during this journey where I could no longer put up a fight as I had successfully done before, so by the second week of August, I was sent to Hogwarts. I was the only student amongst the professors who came early to prepare for the coming school year. Because I had not been sorted into a school house, Albus gave me an empty professor's quarters until I could properly settle in.

The drastic shift between my beautiful, dry, arid Morocco and the damp, foggy Scottish highlands quickly made me ill. I was laid up in bed for at least a week with the flu. I spent most of my days weeping, wondering why my parents had to leave me so soon, my mind mulling over the nature of their losses, and wondering why they saw fit to send me here.

I had lost track of the days even after I had recovered from my illness. I seldom left my bed - only to use the restroom and accept the plates of food that Madam Pomfrey dropped off with me so graciously.

Then, there was a knock at the large wooden door. I looked up from my place on the bed. Light shone through the window, casting a beautiful golden hue on the otherwise dreary surroundings. "Yes?" I croaked.

"Might I come in?" Albus's voice seemed so gentle from the other side of the door.

"I'm a bit of a mess." I sniffled, attempting to run a hand through my knotted curls.

The door creaked open slowly, and he sent me a pitiful smile. "Goodness. You look just like your mother."

My heart ached at that. I had been told that my entire life, and yet it hurt terribly to be reminded of her at this moment. "I look awful."

He shut the door behind him, shuffling to my bed where he sat near my feet. I managed to sit up, bringing my knees close to my chest.

"Do you know how I knew your parents?" Albus asked quietly.

I shook my head. "No."

The old wizard smiled to himself, clearly remembering a pleasant memory. "I was very close friends with your maternal grandfather, Yehuda. We met in North America and remained close for many years until his passing. Your mother was like my own daughter in many ways."

"Why didn't she ever tell me about you?" I asked, picking at the pills on the blanket.

He shrugged. "Well, she met your father, and he believed it was better to keep you close to your own community. He didn't have much appreciation for the magic practiced in Europe."

A small smile made its way to my lips. Albus was correct about that. My father was weary of other types of magic and wizardry, believing that the magic practiced in our part of the world was far superior. I never understood his feelings, but I respected them. My mother did not always share my sentiment of respect.

"We spoke occasionally, through owl." Albus acknowledged. "And overall, they both believed you would be safe with me if something were to happen to the both of them. I hoped that I could meet you again under better circumstances, of course..." He seemed to trail off then, as though conjuring a sad memory.

"Again?" I asked curiously. Had we met before?

Another smile graced Albus's face. "I had the pleasure of holding you when you were just a wee thing. You were so beautiful and full of passion, even at that age."

I blushed. That's not exactly how I would describe my current physical state.

"The rest of the students will arrive this evening. It's best if you get up now, take care of yourself, get dressed, and come to eat." Albus encouraged. "Your mother would want you to love yourself as much as she loved you."

I chewed on my bottom lip and gave him a curt nod. "Alright."

"Madam Pomfrey has left your robes over there." He nodded to a chair in the corner to the left of me. "We are all looking forward to seeing you for the sorting ceremony." He patted my knee before lifting himself off the bed and exiting the room.

When I was alone again, I found that his words about my mother gave me a semblance of strength. I made my way into the bathroom and with a flick of my hand, turned on the bath, which spurted out hot water. I removed my long, white sleeping gown and gave myself a look in the mirror. My dark brown eyes were red from the crying, and there were purple bags that hung beneath them. My mocha skin seemed paler than usual. I lifted a hand to my cheek and leaned my face into it. I looked terribly sad, I noticed. My dark curls were all matted together in a mess. I had lost some weight. It would take me some time to get back to myself, emotionally and physically.

Once I had taken my bath and gotten dressed into the very itchy black robes that had been left for me, I exited my temporary quarters and walked down one of the many very long hallways of the school. The clicking of my shoes echoed, bouncing around me. My fingertips trailed along the cold stone walls. I was constantly freezing here, still not used to the drastic shift in weather.

It was then that I stumbled upon the Great Hall. House elves were preparing the tables, and a group of professors were circled together on an elevated part of the floor, talking in hushed tones. When I entered, the doors creaked open loudly. Everyone turned to look at me, and suddenly, I was very aware of myself. A feeling of embarrassment crept up my neck. I clasped my hands together tightly.

"Samira." Albus grinned, waving me over. "Come. Don't be shy."

Oh, but I was feeling quite shy at that moment. I felt vulnerable with everyone's eyes on me. The house elves whispered to one another, pointing in my direction. I climbed up the stairs, meeting Albus. He wrapped an arm tightly around my shoulders. 

"This is Samira Al-Kahina. Lailah and Ari Al-Kahina's daughter. My goddaughter." He smiled as though he was proud of me. I couldn't understand how one might be proud of a girl he's never truly known.

An older woman with a kind smile marched up to me, taking my hands into her own. "Samira. My name is Minerva McGonagall. It's a pleasure to meet you. I will be your transfiguration professor, and I am also the Head of House for Gryffindor... I am sincerely sorry for your loss."

I bowed my head to her as a sign of respect. "Thank you, Professor. It's lovely to meet you."

After Minerva, a shorter man walked up to me, nodding his head in my direction with a grin on his face. "Hello, Ms. Al-Kahina. I am Professor Flitwick, Ravenclaw Head of House. I am also Hogwarts' very own choir professor, if that's an interest of yours. Very nice to meet you."

I nodded to him. "Nice to meet you as well."

A tall, lanky man stood afar with something of a sour expression on his face, although his dark eyes communicated sympathy. He seemed to be studying me, looking for something. I was immediately intrigued. "And you are, sir?"

"Professor Snape." He said curtly. "I'm sorry for your loss, Ms. Al-Kahina."

"Severus is the Head of House for Slytherin. He is also a potions master." Albus smiled down at me.

"One of my favorite subjects." I nodded to Albus. "Next to divination."

"Ahh, I know you take after your mother and grandfather," Albus commented. "An incredible seer, you are."

I shrugged. "Nothing to brag about at all, Professor."

"It is here!" Professor McGonagall stated. "Not many of our students have such a gift."

"Things are different in Morocco," I said quietly. "Very different."

Things were uncomfortably silent for a moment, and while everyone seemed to be staring at me, Snape hadn't taken his eyes off of me the entire time. I furrowed my eyebrows at him. Why are you staring at me? I wondered.

"Are you any good at it?" He suddenly asked.

"Good at what?" I repeated.

"Potions." He spat.

I raised an eyebrow at the shift in his tone. "Yes, I suppose."

He breathed in sharply, looking down at me suspiciously. "I suppose we will see about that tomorrow morning."

"Now, now, Severus, don't bother the girl." McGonagall rolled her eyes at the dark-haired man. "I'm sure she has other things on her mind. I have to go greet the other students, Samira, but why don't you go ahead and take a seat at one of the tables?"

I looked to Albus, who nodded to me, telling me it was all right.

I sauntered off and sat down. I watched as Snape pulled Albus aside, whispering something hurried and angry. He seemed an especially grumpy man, far from the jovial demeanor of Albus. I wondered what pain he must be carrying with him to be so angry.

When it was time for the sorting ceremony, the incoming students went first, which was fine. This was all a bit of culture shock for me anyway. "Alright, last but not least, Samira Al-Kahina." McGonagall grinned down at me, inviting me up to the stage.

Everyone's eyes were on me once again. I left my spot at the table and walked up to the chair where all the first years had sat before me. I took my seat, and the sorting hat was placed on my head.

"Goodness."

I raised a brow at the hat. "What's that?"

"Feh. You're a smart girl, aren't you? You speak several languages and are far ahead of your fellow Hogwarts students in many subjects..." He continued. "You'd certainly be good in Ravenclaw. However..."

"However?" I mumbled. 

"I sense a very cunning spirit in you. You're headstrong, a little arrogant-"

"Hey." I argued. 

"Mhmm, yes... I think you're best fit for Slytherin."

There was loud applause among the audience of students. The sorting hat was lifted off my head, and Minerva shot me a wink. "Very well, Samira. Go take your seat with the rest of your house." 

I nodded to her, doing as she asked. I slid onto the end of the bench next to a boy who seemed to be at least close to my age. He smiled at me, his chocolate brown eyes glistening brightly. He lifted a hand out as if asking me to shake it. "Hi. I'm Emmanuel Baptiste, seventh year."

"Samira Al-Kahina, also seventh year." I did indeed take his hand, giving it a short shake. "Very nice to meet you, Emmanuel."

"I couldn't help but notice your accent." He noted. "And of course, you're a transfer student. Where are you from?"

"Morocco. Uh, Fez, Morocco." I smiled at the chance to tell someone about my home country that I was homesick for. 

"Est-ce que vous parlez français?" Do I speak French, he asked excitedly.

"Oui!" I grinned. "Et toi?" You too? 

"A bit." He laughed. "Usually, I speak Creole at home, but I was forced to learn French. My parents are Haitian." 

"Okay, so we've got two polyglots in the house." He relayed happily. "I'm glad I'm not the only non-English person here." 

"You and me both." I smiled. 

"Oi!" A red head from across the table yelled out. "Some of us are Irish, mate!" 

Emmanuel rolled his eyes. "Yes, of course, Colin. I'm sorry to offend your Gaelic sensibilities." 

"You better be!" Colin sent a playful smirk to Emmanuel before returning to a different conversation.

"Before we begin the feast," Albus's voice roared, demanding silence simply by its power. "I would like to introduce a new faculty member. Professor Gilderoy Lockhart. He will be our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher." 

A tall, somewhat handsome man stood and waved at us with a smile I didn't much appreciate. I could sense a manipulative spirit within him. I grimaced at the way most of the girls in the audience fawned at his pearly white teeth.

"I don't like that man," I muttered to my new friend. "He gives me a terrible feeling."

"He's kind of famous over here in the British Isles," Emmanuel said to me. "Especially to the ladies, if you get what I mean."

I rolled my eyes. 

"Very well. You may eat!"

And so I did. I put some chicken and roast potatoes on my plate, as well as some bread. I spotted a plate of some bizarre-looking brown stuff. "What is that?" I asked no one in particular.

"Blood pudding!" Colin responded, his brogue especially thick at that moment. "Have ya never had blood pudding?"

"No." I shook my head. "I definitely can't eat it, either." 

"And why not, lass?" He asked curiously.

"It's not kosher," I said lightly. "Blood, I mean."

Suddenly, everyone was staring silently.

"What?" I questioned. 

"Are there Jews in Morocco?" Colin looked at me quizzically. 

I rolled my eyes. "Goodness... are you all so full of yourselves to know nothing about other cultures than your own?" 

"There are Jews everywhere, Colin." Emmanuel chuckled nervously. "Jewish people, I mean. Sorry, Samira." 

I rubbed my eyes hard. "I'm willing to bet I'm one of what? Ten, here?" 

"I don't even know if there's ten of ya." Colin shrugged. 

Emmanuel threw a piece of bread at the Irishman. "Of course you wouldn't know. You have your head shoved too far up your Hufflepuff girl's arse to notice anyone but yourselves."

I snorted at that, placing a piece of steaming hot chicken in my mouth. I grimaced at the lack of flavor, noticing it was rather bland and somewhat dry. My father had often complained about how Europeans seemingly couldn't cook. I didn't quite understand that until this moment. I swallowed it down hard, though, seeing as I had eaten very little over the last several weeks. 

"So, I happen to be Head Boy this year," Emmanuel explained. "It's basically a fancy way of saying Headmaster Dumbledore picked me to sort of boss around the prefects and the rest of the students, but it comes with some privileges, like being allowed to be out of your dorm past curfew. If you want, once the castle quiets down, I can take you on a tour."

"Sure!" I agreed. "That would be nice. I've been here for a few weeks, but I wasn't exactly in the headspace for exploring."

"Okay, great." He grinned before returning to his plate of food. 

After the feast, prefects guided their houses back to their dormitories. My belongings had been moved by an unknown person to a larger space that had four beds in it. I was bunked with two first years and a second year, making me the oldest in my room. I got to know my roommates a bit, but everyone was so tired that they immediately went to sleep. I was waiting for 10:00 to pass before I left my dorm to meet with Emmanuel in the common room. That was until I heard faint cries from the bed beside me. 

It was a first year, a sweet, quiet girl named Isadora Wilson. She had shoulder-length blond hair and sweet blue eyes. I was surprised to learn she had been sorted into Slytherin after coming to an understanding of what each of the houses represented. I would have figured her to have been in Hufflepuff. I lifted myself out of my bed, readjusting my black satin pajama set as I tiptoed to her bed. "Isadora? Are you alright?"

She snuggled a teddy bear close to her chest. "Y-Yes. I'm okay." She whimpered.

I sighed. "Do you want to talk about it?"

The girl looked up at me with tears in her eyes, her cheeks soaked. "I'm just homesick." 

Now that is something I could understand very well. I sat next to her, and she scooted over to create some space for me. "Me too."

She rubbed her eyes. "Aren't you used to being away from your mum and dad?" 

"No." I shook my head. "Not really."

"Then why would you ever come here?" She croaked.

I pursed my lips. "My mother and father passed away a few months ago. Headmaster Dumbledore is meant to take care of me until I graduate this year..."

Isadora became quiet at hearing this.

"However, I do remember my first day away from home." I smiled as I thought of the memory. "I was scared, too. I was a little younger than you are, and I had never been away from my father before."

"What did you do?" She mumbled, reaching her small hand out to me. I lifted it into my hand and squeezed it softly.

"I made lots of friends," I replied. "And I wrote home almost every day. I promise you it gets easier, and school becomes lots of fun. And you can always come to me if you need anything. Think of me as a big sister..." 

Isadora smiled, sniffling. "Really?"

"Really." I nodded. "Now, it's late. You must sleep and get ready for your classes tomorrow. I can help you sort out your schedule in the morning."

"Alright." She agreed. "Goodnight, Sam." 

Something in my heart tugged at the nickname she so sweetly gave me. No one had called me that before. "Goodnight, Isa."

The girl rolled over, and I was finally able to escape down to the common room. Emmanuel was waiting for me in his own set of pajamas. He smiled at me. "Good to go?"

"Yes, thank you," I responded. 

We stepped out of the common room and shut the door behind us. We didn't get very far before we heard angry voices coming from a voice just down the hall. I looked at Emmanuel, who seemed just as confused as I was.

"That's Snape's office." He whispered.

A smirk made its way to my lips. "Shall we go eavesdrop?" 

"Oh, you are trouble." Emmanuel chuckled. "Sure, let's do it."

We quietly tiptoed toward the door and stayed just outside of it to hear the conversation going on inside. 

"You were seen by no less than seven muggles." I could hear Snape seethe. "Do you have any idea how serious this is? You have risked the exposure of our world. Not to mention the damage you inflicted on a Whomping Willow that has been on these grounds since before you were born!"

"Who is he talking to?" I asked Emmanuel, who was closer to the door than I was.

"Harry Potter and Ron Weasley." He whispered back to me. 

"Potter? The Potter?" I whispered in awe. "Is he old enough to be here?"

"Second year." Emmanuel nodded.

"Honestly, Professor Snape, I think it did more damage to us," Ron replied.

I had to keep myself from giggling at that.

"Silence!" Snape spat. "I assure you, that were you in Slytherin and your fate rested with me, the both of you would be on the train home. Tonight..."

Suddenly, from behind me, I heard my name. "Hello, Samira. Emmanuel. Having a little nightly excursion, I see."

Both myself and my friend jumped. Albus and Minerva were in front of us with amused expressions on their faces. 

"Headmaster!" Emmanuel choked. "I was just giving Samira a tour of the castle. I thought it would be good to show her around while things were less overwhelming, you know, with it being the first day and all."

Albus smiled warmly at the boy. "Of course, son. No problem at all. However, I can't help but notice how close you are to Professor Snape's office. Did you have a question for him?"

"No." I shook my head. "We were just..."

"Walking down that way." Emmanuel pointed to the other side of the hall. "Yes, uh. We were going upstairs, is all." 

"Very well, children." Minerva sighed. "If you must eavesdrop, you could at the very least try a concealment charm." 

"Yes, Professor," I mumbled. 

The two pushed past us and entered the office, and the conversation between everyone resumed.

"Do you think anything will come of it?" I asked Emmanuel.

"Of what? The car?" He raised his brows at me. I nodded in response.

"No." He shrugged. "Muggles are pretty good at passing each other off as crazy. It'll be fine." 

Not long after he said that, Ron and Harry scattered out of Snape's office, leaving the door wide open. Minerva, Albus, Filch, and Snape were looking straight at us. Snape stood up straight, glaring. "What are you two doing up at this hour? It is far past curfew." 

"Oh, Severus." Albus tutted. "Emmanuel is Head Boy, after all. He's just giving our new student here a little tour of things, isn't that right, Samira?"

"Yes, sir." I agreed.

"Emmanuel, why don't you head to bed. I must have a conversation with Samira and Professor Snape, if you don't mind." Albus smiled sweetly at Emmanuel.

My friend eyed me as if to say 'Good luck.' "No problem at all. I'll see you in the morning, Samira. Have a good night."

I waved goodbye to him. Filch was the first to saunter off, then Minerva, who gave me a pat on the shoulder before walking away swiftly. I walked into the office, and the door slammed behind me. I jumped and suddenly felt a little embarrassed at my choice of outfit. "Yes, Headmaster?"

"Oh no, don't do that." Albus chuckled. "I'm Albus to you, understand?" 

"Yes... Albus." I swallowed. 

"Now, I know things were quite busy earlier. But seeing as you're an incoming student as a seventh year, I thought it would be best for your Head of House to explain some things to you and help you further settle in." Albus explained slowly. Snape cocked an eyebrow at him. 

"Is that so?" He breathed out in frustration. 

"Yes." Albus eyed the younger wizard. "I'm off to bed, but I expect that Samira will be properly briefed before her first class in the morning."

Snape sighed as my godfather stepped out of the room. I could swear I heard the man giggle from behind the door. I looked forward at my new potions professor, who was just looking straight at me, not saying a word. 

"Why do you keep doing that?" I questioned.

He glared at me this time. "Doing what?"

"You're staring." I pointed out. "You've been staring all day."

"I have been doing no such thing, you silly girl." Snape scoffed, sitting down in his chair. "Am I to understand you are confused about something? What is it you need to be 'briefed' on?" 

"I'm not sure." I crossed my arms tightly over my chest. "I figured that you would have known better than I." 

He huffed. "Do you have your class schedule? Are you up to date on Quidditch tryouts?" 

"I have my schedule... and I'm not too keen on the idea of trying out for Quidditch," I responded. 

"Why is that? Afraid you'll fail miserably?" Snape grumbled.

"No," I said gently. "I'm not afraid of something I already know. I would fail miserably. I'm not a great Quidditch player."

The man rubbed his eyes. "I suspect you're not particularly good at anything. Most of my students aren't."

"That's a lot of arrogance coming off of someone who knows nothing about me." I retorted, balling my hands into fists. 

"I know enough." He spat. "Get out of here. Don't let me catch you out after curfew again. I'm not keen on taking house points away from my own house, but I will give detention as I see fit."

"Goodnight, Professor." I spat, slamming the door behind me as I left.

Why on earth was this man such an asshole? I couldn't understand what I had done to deserve it. 

[sungbeam]

BIRB LORE TIME! (the last installment of yumi's uh idkwhatitis)

here's Lea. african grey parrot (did you know all african greys look exactly the same like there's no way i can recognise her if she's with another parrot sfkdjghdf)

we got her in 2016 when she was 11. her previous owners were moving and they wanted to give her to someone who would genuinely take care of her. they knew my dad and he went ahead and said his daughter (me) has a thing for the animal kingdom 💀 (true tho) and she is prob the right person

anyways we went to their place, met her and oh. i knew absolutely nothing about these parrots right. we took her to our home and they just told us what to feed her, how she plays, what she likes and dislikes, etc.

so african greys are very intelligent and bruh. this female sounds like an absolute MAN when she speaks the human tongue (i actually got scared when she first said something LOL). the previous owners were like a mom and two daughters and her daughters were babies when she got this parrot so they didn't train lea. bc of that, she does not really know how to fly/land and since she's spent basically all life in the cage, it's her safe territory now and she does not like to come out

she was also not used to men bc she lived with ladies and then here she is with my dad and big bro (my lil bro was like 10 so she was comfy around him) but she was the type to not speak in front of men AT ALL

anyways i did my research, we all did we've come a really, really long way. her comfy zone is very wide now. she's come from only sticking to certain foods (her fav chips, a few fruits and nuts) to basically eating and trying everything (she doesn't even look at her chips anymore) (the look on her face when she first tried a mango and loved it is sth i'll never forget). she now talks in front of everyone (parrots talk when they are happy so ig she's happy here :'))

from letting us barely pet her neck to now getting full body massages and letting me preen her (I FEEL LIKE HER MOTHER). from wanting to bite us to affectionately pretending to bite me now (im her fav human, no one else can try this). from getting sick every season bc she was used to a certain temperature to thriving in every season while we get sick LOL

i think it's time i start to get her to come out her cage. it's gonna be a very slow process since i'm not a professional and it's gonna be only her and me (and she might hurt my hands beyond repair lmao i need my hands to do my job man) anddd bc i'm the only person who can do this, yet...

i'm kind of allergic to her :)

but i love suffering, suffering is my middle name. so remember how i said i got cat allergies? that happened when we got this parrot. she used to stay in my room and these parrots have like this white powder thing on their skin that can cause allergies. so my nose being exposed to these allergens long term caused some damage alright (i got allergic to literally every other thing, flu all the time for years, got no quality sleep and constant headaches) andd i finally got surgery in 2022. my allergies are almost gone now but i still have to be careful around her (a tragic love story right there)

anyways i love her, she loves me, we understand each other pretty damn well (it's almost eerie lmao). we dance to kpop together. we sing together. her avg lifespan is 60+ so we have a bet going on on who lives longer :D (bet it's gonna be her-) also we were meant to be fr bc her prev owner has the same name as me so she never had to learn to say my name :D

BIRB LORE BIRB LORE!!! omg she's so pretty :'))) well ig in that case,,, all african grey parrots are pretty 😭😭 that's actually really interesting that every one looks alike to the next ... i wonder if there's like an evolutionary mechanism to that— ANYWAYS

no cuz u literally feel like ur the animal whisperer at this point LMAO like all the stray cats and now the parrot, but ig it's also a testament to the fact that ur a good person! i feel like u can almost always trust an animal's instincts when it comes to people vibes haha 😌 unless it's like cherry, that girl is so needy and moody w everyone i can't even be too sure that she likes me cuz i picked her up this morning and she was so good abt it, and then i put her down and she turned around and tried to eat my toe 🧍🏻‍♀️

awh im so glad she's gotten so much more comfortable now 😭 that's really sweet to hear abt this progression esp ur relationship with her :'))) tbh tho why am i not surprised that she was the one where ur allergies originated from 😭 you fr are just like defying death left and right skfndkfnfk idk man TT anyways . LOL UR BET W LEA ABT WHO'LL DIE FIRST IM YELLING SJFNEKFNJR im glad ur doing much better tho now after the surgery tho 😭

also wishing u luck w slowly getting her out of her cage :')) im sure you'll prevail w patience and lots of mangos!! omg aren't there specific gloves people use for birds? like so their talons don't scratch them or sumn?

thank u for sharing tho as always, i was very excited opening my inbox this morning !! 💖

[allwaswell16]

— Animal Fics by allwaswell16 —

One Direction fics by me that include an animal that is important to the story in some way. I always think I'm done writing these, but...

—Louis/Harry—

🐒 Ace of Spades (E, 80k) : spider monkey

Living as a sheltered omega in a farming village has not prepared Harry for life aboard the most notorious pirate ship to sail the Atlantic.

Or Louis is a pirate, Harry is his captive, and no one is who they say they are.

🐕 Consequences (E, 78k) : dog

Two years ago Harry let his powerful family come between him and the love of his life, something he deeply regrets. Louis has tried to move on from their devastating break up. Sometimes, he even thinks he has. It only takes one moment to freeze them back in time.

An amnesia au

🐐 Until (E, 60k) : horses, a dog, and a weird goat

Rural Eagle County, Colorado wasn’t the type of place to find a famous musician or actor. At least not until songwriter Louis Tomlinson showed up with pop star Niall Horan to visit his uncle’s horse ranch, and they just happened to find themselves next door to a reclusive former movie star.

🦎 I Didn't Fall For You (You Fucking Tripped Me) (E, 20k) : monitor lizard

These days Louis tends to steer clear of dating alphas. He’s dated too many knotheads in his time, and he’s ready to just focus on school and his friends and his pet monitor lizard, of course.

Too bad the alpha next door won’t take a hint and stop using the worst pick up lines of all time on him. He’s really got to stop laughing with him--and talking to him and walking to class with him and letting him bring him coffee and tea and gifts for his lizard and watching Netflix together and...

🦜 That's How I Know (E, 19k) : African grey parrot

Louis Tomlinson has just landed his dream job, coaching soccer at Augustus University. When he moves into a new house near campus, he meets his very fit new neighbor, English professor Harry Styles. Although their first meeting leads to an instant mutual dislike, the more Harry gets to know Louis, the more he likes what he sees.

Or the one where Harry’s African grey parrot spills his dirty secrets to his very hot neighbor.

😽 Charity Ficlets (NR, 10k) : cat and niffler

Chapter 1: Shiny Objects: Louis isn't so sure about Professor Styles, but when he must save him from a loose niffler, things change between them.

Chapter 4: Grease Lightning: Louis' cat likes to give out his phone number.

🐬 Never Been Knotted (E, 9k) : aquarium animals

Harry doesn't mind that he presented as a beta. It mostly just makes his life easier and more convenient. There's just one small problem: he'd really like to be knotted.

🦀 The way you smile (E, 9k) : crab

Harry doesn’t need to go on holiday. Unfortunately, his mum and sister disagree, which is how he ends up alone on holiday in the Caribbean. Luckily, he's not alone for long.

🐈 Won't You Please Come Around (M, 5k) : cat

Harry has lived in London for a month, and so far the only friend he's made is his sister's cat, Mr. Whiskers. When the lock on the window breaks, Mr. Whiskers begins exploring his new neighbourhood a bit too thoroughly and brings back mementos of his escapes.

Or a Valentine's Day story where Harry has a really fit neighbour, and his cat is a thief.

🐽 Let the Feeling Last (T, 5k) : pig

Omega Harry thinks the alpha at the grocery store buying a cart full of vegetables must be an amazing chef. He doesn't know that Alpha Louis is feeding all those vegetables to his pet pig.

😼 Do You See What I See (T, 2k) : cat sort of, have to read to find out

Harry may or may not be rescuing stray animals as an excuse to see the very hot local veterinarian.

Or an absurd pet fic inspired by She Is Beauty We Are World Class

🦓 White Stripes (E, 3k) : zoo animals

Harry’s roommate is gorgeous, kind, generous, and basically everything Harry has ever wanted in another alpha. The only problem is that he isn’t even sure that his alpha roommate is into other alphas. In an effort to finally get over him, he lets Niall set him up on a blind date.

🪿 Honk (M, 3k) : geese

Louis was not a romantic. He never really dreamed of finding his soulmate. Definitely not like this. Never like this.

Harry was a romantic. He’d always dreamed of finding his soulmate. Just like this. Exactly like this.

An omegaverse, soulmate goose fic for the holidays

🪳 Happy Valentine's Day, You Cockroach (E, 2k) : meerkats and cockroaches

Harry Styles, new director of the Milltown Zoo, has a great idea for a Valentine's Day themed fundraiser. For a donation, they'll name cockroaches after people's exes and then feed them to the meerkats on a live stream. He just didn't foresee how many cockroaches would end up with his name...

—Rare Pairs—

🐎 Need (E, 21k, Niall/Shawn Mendes) : horses, a dog, and a weird goat

Niall Horan loved his job. Who wouldn’t? He was the biggest pop star in the world, and he’d found his kindred spirit in songwriting and friendship, Louis Tomlinson. The sky was the limit now. He had the perfect place they could hide themselves away from the world and write his next album...his uncle’s horse ranch in Colorado. What he didn’t expect was the cowboy next door.

🐱 Next Door (NR, 2k, Louis/Rob Pattinson) : cat and a dog

When a stray cat starts coming round Louis' garden and bothering his dog, Louis and his best friend set out to capture it.

Or a famous/famous fic where Louis and Oli embarrass themselves in front of Batman.

[blubushie]

The Spanish Dancer sea slug, native to Indo-Pacific Ocean and the Red Sea. It can grow up to 25cm, though some reports from the Dead Sea clock it in at 40cm. It is a luxuriant red colour with an orange-yellow underbelly and a splotchy red line cutting across it. A specimen measuring ~90cm in width was found on Australia's west coast (Hey, that's where you live!). 'Pangolin' originates from the Malay word for 'roller', which is 'penggulung'; this is because it curls up into a ball and uses its hard scales as a shield when threatened. All eight species of pangolin are under some kind of threat and are protected under national and international laws, two of the eight are critically endangered (do NOT try to make these the centrepiece of your project, they're elusive and endangered). Puffins can flap their wings ~400 times a minute and can fly 88km an hour (!?). Their beaks also change seasonally-- they are a dull grey in the winter and become their more iconic orange in spring, most likely to attract mates. Black-footed cats are considered the most deadly species of wild cat with (a cute little face to die for) a hunting success rate of 60%, compared to a lion's rate of 25%, which is lower than that of a domestic cat's, 32%. The black-footed cat's rate is second only to African wild dogs at 85%. The plant genus Rafflesia, known as the Corpse Flower is capable of Horizontal Gene Transfer, a behaviour documented in bacteria that has only recently been discovered in plants. Rafflesia is a parasitic plant that steals genetic material from its host and nearby plants, merging it into its own genetic code and using its proteins to sustain itself. Once it is grown, the flower continues its parasitic behaviour and emits a foul stench likened to corpses, used to attract pollinators like carrion flies. Humans have been unable to cultivate Rafflesia because the method with which its seeds germinate, let alone infect a host is still unclear. Ant-mimicking spiders have evolved to resembles ants, complete with their extra set of legs disguised as antennae. Most ant-mimicking spiders have unique abdomen and body structures that resemble an ant without any closer inspection, but many have more nuanced methods of deception. Some species can even mimick ant pheromones and behaviour, a huge crux in how ants identify each other, making it easier to invade ants and prey upon them. The Hercules Beetle is one of the largest flying insects measuring up to 7 inches long, when including their horn, and almost 2 inches wide. The horsehair worm is a parasite that preys on grasshoppers, crickets, and some beetles and are found in water or wet areas. They are, simply, a worm capable of squirming in and out of intricate knots and formations, a capability which makes multiple worms of great lengths capable of taking over one host (there's videos out there of researchers tying them into knots of increasing complexity and tightness, fascinating stuff!). After the laid eggs have hatched, the worm forms a protective cyst around itself and waits to be consumed by a suitable host. The cyst them dissolves and allows the worm to eat itself out of the digestive system and feast on its host's innards (I love parasites...). Once it has taken its fill, it has matured and it exits the host to lay its eggs and repeat the process. Horsehair worms pose no threat to humans or animals outside of its host pool, so their presence simply indicates and abundance of or dead crickets in the area.

The oarfish is also nicknamed the 'Doomsday Fish' due to its presence being a sign of destruction to come-- 20 oarfish allegedly washed up on Japan's shores just before the Japan 2011 earthquake. Whatever the case, oarfish reside deep underwater, in the Twilight Zone, so seeing them at all is strange. They are long, ribbon-like fish with bulging eyes and red spines that swim vertically through the waters, using its shimmering skin to camoflague itself by blending into the dark and the rare patch of light. Sand vipers have their located located on top of their heads to better see out of the sand they bury themselves in for hunting purposes. This is also why a suitable substrate is important if you want to care for them. They also require more open space than hiding spots in their enclosure, unike other species of snake. Sand vipers also prefer higher temperatures and require basking in temperatures of around or even greater than 40 degrees Celsius (I've always wanted a pet snake). Peregrine falcons can dive down towards their prey at a speed of 320km/h and quickly strike their neck with their talons, killing their prey in the fraction of a second. This has been caught on video, and in many of them there is only a quick, black blur before the prey drops like a stone onto the ground, suddenly lifeless (eerie and impressive!). Ragdoll cats were first bred by Ann Baker in the 1960s. They have a large, weighty build with long, think fur. They often have blue eyes though they are born mostly white, their unique markings darken over time to a deep brown. The horror game Outlast was modelled after the Richardson Hotel in Buffalo, New York, which had previously been an insane asylum. You'd go into an insane asylum if you weren't a coward (joking). Axolotls (like from Minecraft) are salamanders that, unlike most salamander species, never transition to land. They remain aquatic into adulthood. They are native to only one area, Lake Xochimilco, Lake Chalco, and its surrounding smaller bodies, located in the Valley of Mexico (it also has a relative that resembles a wyrm dragon, very similar sans legs and larger, but I couldn't remember the name <\3). The Megasoma elephas (Elephant Beetle) has been used in a Pentagon-sponsored university program where electrodes were inserted into elephant beetle pupae, allowing for some remote control of the adult beetle's flying behaviour (developing technology, I guess...). Habitat destruction and the use of the male adult's head as jewelery charms have contributed to its decreasing population, though they are not considered endangered. The emerald cockroach wasp paralyzes cockroaches using its venom then drags the body to its burrow. There, while the cockroach is still living, the wasp lays its eggs directly under the cockroach. The entrance will be blocked off to prevent early escape. Once the eggs hatch, the larvae feast on the cockroach's bodily fluids, then its non-vital organs, keeping the still-alive bug kicking it for as long as possible, then, the growing wasps eat the rest of the cockroach, thus putting an end to its miserable life, and emerge through the cockroach's chest, splitting it in half, then dig out of the burrow to repeat the cycle (I love parasites...).

[Animal Fact Anon. Uh, are you a hunter trying to starve me out into the open? Because you're driving me wild! Happy Valentines day, xoxo, I'm not actually hitting on you.]

1. Horsehair worms freak me out

2. I've seen an oarfish when I was at sea! It was dead though :(

3. On the topic of the relative to axolotls "sans legs", were you maybe thinking of caecilians?

4. Oml I love parasitic wasps!! My favourites are spider wasps :]

Thank you for the facts animal anon!! Happy Valentine's Day!!! <3

[professionalnooneatall]

I texted "What do you want for dinner," to the Missus. "Rare red meat," she texted back. Oh no. That means things went bad at some point at work. And it usually means some Epsom salt and lavender is in order for a good long hot bath that has to be just right so she can lower herself into it slowly but so it doesn't burn her and it's nice to watch her do that over a few minutes... Excuse me. My dear lady works so hard for me. And Balthazar, Indigo, Stinky Fred, Peoni, David Fincher, and Leonardo. Our five cats, and our African Grey Parrot. It became rather obvious what she did for a living after about two years of marriage. When we met, she'd been living in a single-bedroom apartment but the bedroom was filled with pelican cases and she was using the rest of the space like was a studio. She was - and is - sweet and cute, and kind to waiters and cashiers. And cats. And Birds. And dogs. And frogs. And iguanas. And monitor lizards. She is perfect. I don't want to think of her when she's killing people. I know she's good at it. She's good at everything. Except taking care of herself. But when I met her there was a fear in her that made me think she'd been abused or fought in a war or something. Not that those things are very different. However, at least in war, you get to kill the people who attacked you. Eventually. As near as I can figure, she saw both long before we met. I'm now 95% sure she kills people for a living. Sometimes she comes home exhausted and tuned the hell up by the bruises she shows. Roughly every six months her job "changes," and it's rather adorable how she makes a good show of it for a month or so. But the cats and the parrot? They don't change. At one point, Leonardo, being the sort of bird that he is even literally talked shit to her about her "new job." I keep up appearances, I know that's important in a marriage. Once I asked her about her "first day" at her "new job" doing god knows what to god knows who and when she said "Just bullshit," Leonardo decided to hop around saying "Fake news! Fake News!" for a whole minute.

I stared him down. Whilst Leonardo was probably right, there was no reason to be so blunt. "Leo?" "Leonardo," he said, correcting me as he always did. "Leonardo, we have to go shopping," I said. He hopped and spun happily and flew to my shoulder and we stepped out of our nice house. Leonardo talks to people because I can't.

"Good morning," he says, "Hello! Hello!" he says. When we get to the shop "Was-salamu alaykum!" Rahim loves Leonardo. "Walakum Salaaaam!" Rahim shouted while his wife rolled her eyes. "Dance with me!" He pressed a button and "Hip Hop Horray" by Naughty by Nature began. I let them indulge while I think about her because I like to do that. I think about her a lot. I think about the pain she can't tell me about. I think about the pain she won't ever admit to. I think about my grandparents who were refugees and soldiers and lived in fear for decades.

I think about how that is the life she won't ever tell me about. "Hallo!" Rahim said and waved his hand in front of his face. He knew I was German and his family was from Germany, too. It was how we connected.

"Entschuldigung, Habibi," I said. "My lady is coming home from a business trip and she asked for red meat for this evening's meal."

Rahim's smile is a smile I appreciate. A professional asked a question that they know the answer to. Broad and unconscious.

It reminds me of her when I ask her about guns. And when she brushes my hair. Rahim came back with a package of butcher paper, blood gently soaking through it, with string.

"The redest of meats for the redest of ladies," Rahim said. "Sayidati." And he tilted his head with respect. For the very first time.

Leonardo bowed and spread his wings. And said nothing. For the very first time. It felt like flying. "I need," I started to say.

"Parsely?" And that professional smile again.

How can I love a woman so much that a man will smile at me with his brightest smile and offer me help to make her good food? My wife loves tabbouleh but with the freshest parsley only. I can mangle the recipe as much as I want, which isn't a whole lot but if the parsley isn't fresh? She will set her jaw with such anger and silence that it terrifies me. I never want to see it again.

I wondered if Rahim was terrified of his wife's disappointment as much as I am of my own wife's disappointment and then Rahim slammed a whole bouquet worth of parsley on the counter and said "Bismil'Allah," with such joy that Leonardo decided to speak again. "Good family good food!" he said. "Look how you learn! A very good bird, wait here!" Rahim disappeared to the back and came back with his fist bursting with cashews. "Here you are, sir!" and Rahim opened his hand. Nothing gratified Leonardo more than being called "sir," and he danced and spun. He took the cashew, crunched it up happily and then ate the pieces.

"Best best best," Leonardo said. "Rahim, can I get some chicken hearts, for the cats?" I asked.

"Stupid cats!" Leonardo snapped. "أنتَ كيف تجرؤ!" Rahim laughed. "Give me just a moment." Rahim went to the back and shortly came back with a plastic container stuffed with chicken hearts. "Bismill'Allah, most people don't know about chicken hearts," he smiled. "You're a good woman. So is your wife." I felt myself blush and my ability to speak just gave me error messages so I forced something out

"You're a good man, Rahim," I said. He presented his fist and I tapped it with my fist. Leonardo and I went home and started to cook dinner. First I roasted the chicken hearts for the cats and that only took an hour. Then my wife came home.

She was brutalized. We are the same height but I'm just not beautiful like she is. It's. You know I'm not like here. She looks like a jeweled sword and I'm. Normal looking. And she falls into my arms. And whatever the hell happened it's okay. Our cats are losing their minds and I pick her up with all the love I have.

I can smell her blood and I bring her to the bathroom. I take her clothing off with the special scissors and I wish I knew who did this to her. "I'm fine," she said as she passed out. She is bruised. Incredibly bruised. Like in ways you can't imagine. But she's got shrapnel and I think bullets as well? I feel this rage looking at her. She's still beautiful. After who the fuck ever tried to kill her. The cats are eating the chicken hearts. The lamb is in the oven. I do what's necessary. I have an electromagnet and I pull out the fragments that are easy to pull out. She grunts and moans but I don't work her body like that. She has bruises everywhere. I check her bones and nothing is broken. "No drugs," she said. "No drugs ever, I'm not... drugs" "I know babe," I said. I picked her up, put her in the bath, and started the water. "MOM MOM MOM!" Leonardo said. "Leooooo," My wife said. "Science science science!" Leonardo said. "I'll be okayyy, your other mother is good, she loves me a whole. lot." my wife said. "Do you love her a whole lot?! A WHOLE LOT?!" Leonardo shouted at me. "Yes, I do," and then I turned my head in a way that Leonardo usually would "A whole lot,"

I lifted my wife up and put her into bed. We held her hoping she wouldn't die and our cats surrounded us and brought healing purrs. We spent our first night together in two years. I take care of her. I love her. I want the best for her. She will have to take a break again. I'm fine with that. It's good to have her home again.

Your spouse (erroneously) thinks they’ve done a good job hiding the fact that they’re an assassin for hire from you. You’ve known for years now, but find just how awful they are at hiding it endearing, and don’t want to spoil it for them.

[saturnsoriginals]

Story working title: Angels in Pajamas

Zeke (he/him)

Slightly younger than the universe. He's an angel, a Principality.

Has lived on earth almost since he was created, as a guardian. Because of that, he feels basically the same as how a human feels, physically--he can feel pain, hunger, emotions.

He is pretty much a trans guy, and pansexual/Demipanromantic. His god-given body is female, and he can't get surgery because no one on earth would understand how to do surgery on a nonhuman, and they don't understand stuff like that in Headquarters--angels who try to permanently change their manifestations/earthly bodies are basically shunned. HRT wouldn't work either. He binds (he loves modern binders) and packs.

He loves wearing pajamas and sleeping (the working title mostly came from him). He loves music (he has a hand painted acoustic guitar he loves to play, along with records, cassettes, and CDs), cars/other transportation methods (he has a skateboard, a VW bus, a motorcycle, and a ‘68 Chevy El Camino), and I think whittling, cooking, and baking. He loves working his human job (mechanic) and trying to help people he comes across, and occasionally saving all of humanity, though he hasn't had to do anything drastic for quite a while. He protects southwestern US and a portion of northwestern Mexico. He lives in a fictional (hopefully) town called Chester Lake, New Mexico.

A friend and their family own a boarding stable, where he has a horse boarded there--a buckskin mustang gelding named Maximus, or just Max. In the original story plans, he had a bearded dragon, German shepherd, and an African Grey parrot, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to keep that up.

He's short (about 5’3”) and stockier, has short lightish-brown hair that's usually in a wild mess, medium tan skin tone, brown eyes. He has some wrinkles and looks to most people to be in his upper 30s to mid 40s, depending on the day. He also wears glasses, mostly for the Aesthetic. He has a few tattoos, but the only one I know is his rank and group tattoo that appears on his earthly body and his celestial body. It's the only one that Won't fade all the way off after 50 years. He also has his lobes and one eyebrow pierced, as well as numerous scars from different battles.

He cannot roller skate and for some reason that he can't figure out, cows hate him. Most animals like him though, and if he is closely enough bonded to them, he can even communicate with and understand them.

As for powers, he can communicate with most living things with touch telepathy, including humans, and some humans with regular telepathy. He can heal living things and extend their lifespans, though he really only does it with his pets. He is empathic in addition to the Telepathy. Functionally immortal, and only certain things can hurt him. He has supernatural reflexes, and has two celestial weapons (sword and brass knuckles) and a shield. He can see into supernatural wavelengths, which includes seeing souls and whether something is blessed or cursed, being able to tell if Magic is pure or impure, and if a weapon is celestial or infernal whether it's disguised or not--something specific to principalities and higher. He can lightly hypnotize people (so they don't realize he and his pets are too old). He has night vision and increased sensory sensitivity. He also only has to sleep 2 hours a day and doesn't have to eat as much as a human--most angels don't have to eat or sleep at all, but he and other principalities have been on Earth so long that they have to. He can fly and possess animals as long as his earthly body is in a safe place, but he can't possess people.