#how it isn’t shown to excuse any of his actions or behaviors past or present. nor does it condemn him

[zeb-z]

y’all ever think about how Harry loved Dora to such a degree it was worship, she wasn’t his lover but his savior, his deity, a symbol of the good and the lovely in the world - and she’s portrayed as Dolores Dei because of this, because his love was his religion and he put her on such a pedestal that when she left it absolutely destroyed him (because what else would losing your salvation, your hope, your god, do to a believer?) And how this comparison is a warning of putting someone, anyone or anything up so high and believing it can do no wrong, only to be devastated when it leaves. How she’s also the middle/upper middle class who can just leave the conflict, decide to fly away because they have the money and means, and leave the ‘poverty stricken fucks’ behind. The danger in placing blind and total faith in something that tells you (or that you tell yourself) its morality is infallible, and it will be forever, because you will be blindsided when it leaves or does something terrible, and that utter devotion will be the dagger you fall on when this clean and holy thing, this love, leaves you for something better, betrays you in the worst way.

y’all ever think about the comparison between Dora and Dolores Dei and moralism and middle class with the religious themes, how love is just as dangerous as wrath and despair and ego, how Harry wasn’t great, not even good, but there was nothing he could have changed. the layers of how he has to learn to live for himself instead of the woman who left him half a decade ago, how Dora is Dolores Dei is Moralism and the privilege to stay neutral with the ability to leave when things are rough, how he has to pull himself out of his misery and try his best and it’s not always enough it’s not going to stop the nightmares it’s not going to bring that holy love back it’s not going to save him, but it has to be better than nothing.

y’all ever think about that beautiful stained glass wall in the old church, Dolores Dei larger than life, a picture of innocence so lovely and divine - but all it’s ever been was glass, and it’s shards are all over the hardwood floor.

[peppermintbee]

OMORI’s poor writing (Part 2)

Once again, if you are a big fan of OMORI, this review is not for you. Treasure this game, love it, recommend it, make fan art, buy the merch, do what you will with it. I am not here to take OMORI away from anyone. Based on the overwhelmingly positive reviews on Steam, I know that my opinion is in the minority.

However, just as the fans have the right to praise the game, I have the right to examine it, criticize it, and explain why it failed to provide a compelling experience. This is second part of my review where I will tackle OMORI’s problematic themes and disrespectful appropriation of mental health.

[ See Part 1: Plot Writing Lies ]

(Note: I use “OMORI” in all-caps for the game title, and “Omori” in title case for the character name.)

Spoilers and criticism below.

Part 2: OMORI’s message is mishandled and distasteful

OMORI provides a warning that it depicts scenes of depression, anxiety, and suicide. Because the game includes these scenes, I assumed these mental health issues are presented in a way that is meaningful and respectful.

However, that is not the case. 

Despite having depictions of such, this game is not really about depression, anxiety, or even suicide. It’s about committing a horrible crime, lying about it, and getting over the guilt.

1. Suicide as a game mechanic

Suicidal thoughts are intrusive, terrifying, and painful. As well as ending the victim's life, suicide wreaks havoc on the lives of those who once knew them. It is often a taboo topic, but discussing such matters is an important step to understanding and preventing it. Video games are a medium well suited to approaching such dark topics.

Unfortunately, OMORI does not handle the topic of suicide well at all.

First, suicide is written as a unavoidable game mechanic that seems to have been included for shallow reasons such as aesthetic and shock value. To leave Sunny’s headspace and wake up, you--as a player--must direct him to stab himself in the stomach. 

But why? It’s not like waking up involves some sort of major sacrifice. In fact, waking up is something that is more or less unavoidable. Reality should be something that snatches Sunny away from his headspace against his will, perhaps as an encroaching darkness that Sunny can run from, but never truly escape. But instead, facing reality is something you are forced to opt into in the most needlessly violent way possible.

Forcing you--as a player--to literally commit suicide just to wake up from a dream is a pointless, distasteful, and disrespectful action that sets a precedent for suicide not being taken seriously in this game. (And it isn’t.)

In the black space, Omori is pressured to kill a cat. In that scene, regardless of your choice, you are forced to kill yourself. However, the act of stabbing yourself has been seen so many times at that point that it has completely lost any impact. Who cares about suicide when it’s been reduced to just a means of travel?

Lastly, if you fail to defeat the final boss, Sunny commits suicide in the real world. However, this is not a cutscene, it is once again something that you--as a player--are forced to do to progress. Putting these actions in the hands of a player is not as meaningful as the writer seems to believe, because there are no other options to progress. Any weight in making that decision is lost to resignation; a frustrated sigh of “Well, okay, fine. I guess I have to click Z here.” You are then rewarded with a SLAPPING pop song and a psychedelic cutscene of Sunny falling to his death. It’s tasteless to its core and appropriates the deaths of every suicidal person as a quirky, shallow “bad end.”

(Seriously, this is how the writer decided to depict a child taking his own life.)

2. Sunny/Omori is a poor presentation of depression

Sunny/Omori does not smile. Even in past photographs before The Incident, he still is not smiling. The contrast between Sunny and his friends stands out like a sore thumb, so I assumed this was the writer’s attempt to show that Sunny is dealing with depression, where he can’t be happy even in happy situations.

Of course, if that were the case it would be inaccurate since depressed people do smile and do hide their true feelings. They are often dismissed with, “You can’t be depressed, I saw you smiling once.” However, I was willing to let Sunny’s chronic frown slide because sometimes you have to oversimplify an idea to get your point across.

Much to my surprise, there is NO evidence of Sunny having depression before The Incident and there is very little indication of him having depression throughout the game either. The evidence of this is that while looking at a family portrait, Sunny comments that he's never liked to smile. Since he's a a baby in this portrait, this goes to show that his not smiling is simply a preference -- a quirky character trait that makes him stand out so that you feel an emotion during the true ending when he finally smiles. 

Everything in the game seems to point to him being pretty happy and well adjusted up until he killed Mari. Then, even after he killed Mari, he pretty much looks and behaves the same way. Wouldn’t it be more jarring and tragic if you saw Sunny was happy in the past, but depressed now?

Which leads me to my next point...

3. Sunny and Basil are not depressed, they’re guilty (and for good reason)

In the book I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn’t), Brené Brown explains the difference between feeling guilt and shame.

Guilt means: “I did something bad.” Shame means: “I am something bad.”

Guilt, when attributed to bad behavior, is actually a healthy emotion. It means that you have a sense of right and wrong, that you empathize with those you’ve hurt, and it motivates you to make things right.

Shame is an unhealthy emotion. It arrests growth, destroys self-esteem, causes poor decision making, isolates you from your loved ones, and is directly correlated with anxiety and depression.

OMORI should be a game about overcoming shame. All the right set pieces are there. Sunny’s walled himself off, his sister (allegedly) committed suicide, and he seems to be struggling with lifelong depression. However, this all falls apart, when it’s revealed that he killed his sister and staged her death as a suicide to escape blame (with Basil’s help). He DID do something bad. It’s not shame, it’s literally guilt.

All at once, OMORI stops being a game about recovering from grief and depression and becomes a game that demands the player to sympathize with a killer and liar who is hiding from his crimes. Because he and Basil feel bad about what they did, Sunny and Basil are presented as greater victims than their actual victim.

4. OMORI asks you empathize with villains (with ZERO self awareness)

Games where you are playing a character with a guilty conscience has been told before, but where OMORI really fails is that Sunny is not truly held accountable for what he did to others. Instead, the game focuses on HIS pain: since killing his sister he’s been isolated, he’s having nightmares, and he’s suicidal. 

The plot of the game is focused on helping Sunny forgive himself for ruining other people’s lives. The writing barely acknowledges how his friends/family feel about what he did. When his victims’ pain IS addressed, it’s either used to further victimize Sunny (ie: isn’t it sad for him that he made his friends so sad?) or it’s used to reassure the player that Sunny’s victims have forgiven him (or will forgive him). 

In fact, the game holds Mari responsible for her own death, citing that her "perfectionism" must have been what pushed Sunny to attack her. OMORI presents Mari, through headspace, as someone who accepted death gracefully and wants Sunny to live a happy life. She is never given her own voice and nothing in the game suggests she is capable of feeling bitter over her death and postmortem desecration. She plays the role of the Madonna archetype--and the perfect victim--allowing the player to empathize entirely with Sunny while accepting that Mari brought everything on herself.

[Mari suggesting that Sunny acting out his aggression on her was her fault.]

The climax of this game is NOT Sunny telling the truth to his friends. The climax is Sunny defeating his guilt and forgiving himself. We know this because the story does not even show how his friends respond to his confession, because-- once again-- what’s most important thing is resolving Sunny’s pain, not the pain he has caused others. (Though the game does heavily imply that his friends will forgive him.)

[Pictured: the boys shedding their guilt is the true happy ending ]

Imagine, for a moment, if this game was about an abuser, who caused immense pain to someone and got away with it. Then, the whole game was about how they felt bad for the abuse they caused, and-- as a player-- you help them forgive THEMSELF for their past abuse. Then, in the last few seconds of the game, they either apologize to their victim or kill themself. The victim’s response is not shown because it is not important.

This is the plot of OMORI, except with a bunch of excuses thrown on top to make it more palatable. Sunny and Basil are just soooo cute and sad. Killing Mari was an accident. Stringing her body up like a piñata was a juvenile mistake. The boys feel SO BAD that they want to kill themselves. And because suicide is so tragic, you-- as an audience-- are manipulated into empathizing them.

5. In OMORI, suicide is used as a cheap ploy for sympathy

As I mentioned before, suicide is horrible and tragic. People struggling with suicidal ideation need help, support, and respect. That said, let’s make one thing clear: being suicidal does not automatically make someone a good person. There are plenty of examples of criminals who kill themselves to escape the penalty or guilt for something they did. It is so common in the news that I don’t think I have to list out examples.

In bad endings, Sunny and Basil’s suicides are 100% motivated by guilt for their very real crimes. Now, it should be stated, Sunny and Basil do not deserve to die. And because suicide is such an extreme, permanent end for those two boys, we-- as players-- are invested in preventing that tragic end at all costs.

However, the looming threat of suicide is used as leverage to force the audience to dismiss the severity of what Sunny and Basil did. As I’ve said before, the plot of the game is about soothing and alleviating Sunny’s guilt and stopping him from killing himself as opposed to making things right. 

The worst thing is, this tactic actually works. The threat of suicide is so strong, it has distracted many players from the truth that this story is about sympathizing with a boy who has killed his sister, with little regard for those his actions have affected (see point #4).

It’s terrible because suicide is such a serious topic worthy of discussion, but when used as little more than pity-bait, it twists your perception of what the characters did and silences those who try to criticize how this game handles such topics.

6. Mari's suicide being fake is a terrible twist

Lastly, by revealing Mari’s “suicide” as an accidental death, OMORI misses an opportunity to tell a much more powerful story. In the first half of this game, when Mari is thought to have committed suicide at the young age of 15, is a sobering moment. That tragedy is something very real.

If Mari had killed herself as opposed to being killed, Sunny isolating himself after his sister takes her own life is realistic. Mari’s death coming as a surprise is also realistic; how often have we heard people saying that they never knew someone was suffering? That they seemed like such a happy person?

Losing a loved one to suicide does not just cause horrible grief, but crippling shame as well. Those left behind will blame themselves, tormented by thoughts of how they could have saved them, how they would do anything to get them back. That shame can follow you forever, haunting you like a ghost, threatening you with the same fate. Overcoming that grief and shame is no simple task, and I truly thought OMORI was going to be about grappling with grief and letting go of survivor guilt.

Instead, Mari didn’t commit suicide, her life was cut short by her brother. Then, her body was staged as a suicide, forever changing how her family and friends perceived her. Her hanging body did not represent a devastating loss of life and horror of teen depression, but instead is a cheap twist that represents Sunny’s guilt for killing her and tampering with her corpse.

Conclusion:

As I’ve mentioned before OMORI has a lot of potential. The set pieces of a depressed kid who escapes to a dream world to cope with his unresolved trauma is one that had the makings to be very meaningful. However, it fumbles these issues, creating a sloppy plot that results in a problematic message. It’s baffling that this even happened, especially considering the length of time this was in development.

[justalads]

who set off the tnt?

   after relative silence from the recent streams about tommy’s imprisonment in Pandora’s box, the question on many’s minds is who the culprit of the multiple explosions is. assuming the tnt was set off manually and not primed to explode, the person who did it was on the server at the time. that leaves us with a list of five people: tommy, sam, dream, ranboo and foolish.

   foolish: the general consensus is that foolish did not do this. he has not been involved with much lore in the past, and especially has not featured in tommy and dream’s saga. he later claimed that while he was on the server during this time, he was brewing potions. some people have said he could be lying, but that seems improbable as evidenced by his current lack of involvement in the lore.

   tommy: again, no reason for him to do this. his point of view was visible at all times, and he sounded genuinely surprised by the security breach. it was intended to be the last visit, and he panicked immediately after the explosions began.

   dream: while claiming innocence at the time, dream has been known to lie, especially around tommy. he claims that he’s changed in the prison, and while an argument could be made about his growth as a character, his actions and behaviors around tommy show either a lack of self awareness or a still present maliciousness. plus, he was also visible at all times, and has not left the prison. if he were to have set them off, it would have to be triggered automatically. he also could have asked someone to set them off for him, as part of a plan, but it is impossible for dream himself to have set the tnt off.

   sam: surprisingly, people have mixed opinions on this one. many are claiming that sam has been possessed by the egg. if that were the case, he could set off explosions, and then claim the security lockdown was mandatory. say that’s true. what does the egg gain from having tommy locked up? he doesn’t take much direct action against the egg, and is in fact rarely on the server at all. it’s possible that the egg knows about the effect dream has on tommy, and could be putting him in there as a way to get rid of him. however, the egg doesn’t necessarily want tommy dead. if it did, sam could have canonically killed tommy at any time while he was in the prison. there has been no evidence of sam being “possessed” by the egg. he was encased in the egg that one time, and acted odd after, but canonically, he was eating his own skin to stay alive at that point, so some odd behavior can be excused. he has not shown an interest in helping the egg, save from hiring bad and ant to be additional prison guards. that isn’t even really aligned with the egg’s interests. unless sam shows more evidence of helping the egg, there does not seem to be a reason to think that he exploded part of the prison on purpose. sam as a warden cares a lot about the security of the prison, fixing anything that could breach the security.

   ranboo: honestly, it’s kind of hard to imagine how this isn’t him. it’s almost suspiciously obvious that he had something to do with this. after the message of a smile coming from dream delivered via sapnap, and the visit that ranboo doesn’t remember happening where he signed the books in ender, there have been multiple opportunities to communicate plans with dream. he was on the server at the time, yet on his last stream he claimed that the last time he logged off was the day before, after mining. he had the odd messaging of “he is in control” being spelled out in his inventory while he acted disoriented. he also had access to all the things he would need, and is inherently mixed up with dream. dream could have asked him to cause a distraction, or he could have done it on his own while during the enderwalk, since dream had no reason to know that tommy was visiting the prison that day.

   many of the details of this day are missing. if ranboo did it, how did he know the time that tommy was visiting? if it was sam, when did the egg tell him what to do? is dream telling the truth about not knowing about the explosions? hopefully, the lore of the next week will solve some of these.

- Lad 2

[ifbrd]

Not Sugar-Coated, ToBecky Critique from a ToBecky Shipper

Let’s talk about Tobecky and it’s toxicity! And for once, let’s not hold back! I think what I’m gonna do for this post is focus on the dynamic they have in the show, mostly criticizing my own misogyny but calling out the fandom in general as well, as I’ve seen other’s do these same things. Later I will reblog it on the Word Up blog and continue my thoughts on the ship and how it affected Word Up.

The first thing I will say is that I am a Tobecky shipper, ever since Tobey’s first shorts when it was revealed he had a crush on WordGirl. I started watching this show as a kid, I would have been 9 or 10 when it started airing on PBS. If I were to get into this show today, however, I don’t think I would be shipping tobecky, because as an adult I can recognize its toxicity which I didn’t have the proper knowledge or understanding to do back in the day. And I think the real reason I still ship today is purely nostalgic. Though I won’t deny that their dynamic is interesting and that likely affects my shipping brain too.

As a kid, I think I shipped it because, well it seemed inevitable. It seemed like the only endgame option. How many romcoms start with a girl liking one boy, only to realize later she should be with a different guy, usually an underdog the audience is supposed to root for. How many romance stories start with the two not liking each other, ranging anywhere from minor annoyances for each other to full-blown enemies, only to later understand it was all a guise to hide their true feelings. It seemed obvious that Becky/WordGirl would end up with not Scoops, whom she had a crush on, but instead Tobey, the underdog she always was fighting or arguing with. Factor in Tobey’s crush, my very underdeveloped ability to think critically, and the fact that the writers in early seasons seemed to really take the time to focus on the potential chemistry between these two (their interactions in “Department Store Tobey” and both of them having a good time together in “Have You Seen the Remote?” etc) and it seemed there was only one boy for Becky to logically end up with.

The first time I can recall really questioning this ship, I mean really questioning it, was sometime in probably my sophomore or freshman year? Maybe my junior year? I recall my health teacher teaching us about healthy vs unhealthy relationships. In this unit, I realized several of my favorite ships across various fandoms were unhealthy but that’s a whole other topic. At one point I remember him giving his two cents about the phrase “opposites attract” when being applied to romance. He said this can be true, but only if the two are “opposites” in personality, and not “opposites” in values. If a couple’s values, their morals, don’t align, they probably aren’t going to make it. And in all honesty, I think Tobey and Becky have the worst possible combination for this.

They have very similar personalities, and while this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, it can make it easier for them to encourage their negative traits instead of helping them overcome them. The traits they both share like pridefulness, attention-seeking, and being a bit obsessive, have the potential to be the traits they bring out in each other. The best counter-argument for this is the fact that Becky is willing to and would call Tobey out for everything wrong or ridiculous he does, and try to help him. But that doesn’t matter if Tobey is not willing to listen to her when she calls him out, or accept her help when she offers it and he needs it. And it’s especially worthless if he’s not willing to help her back.

Meanwhile, the biggest weakness for this ship is their opposite values. Their morals couldn’t be more apart from each other. Get these two together for long periods of time and a morality war would easily ensue. And then combined with if their similar personalities do end up bringing the worst in each other, then any relationship they could have would be disastrous.

The worst issues with their pairing all go back to Tobey. I love Tobey as a character, don’t get me wrong, but we need to be honest, and please excuse the language--Tobey is a piece of shit! He is disrespectful to everyone around him, except his mother, and that’s only because he’s scared of her He thinks he’s better than everyone else and has no issues expressing that opinion, even going as far as to try to define words for WordGirl. He goes as far as to belittle her in “Tobey or Consequences” criticizing her word choice. He has been shown on multiple occasions to lose his mind when he doesn’t get exactly what he wants and will do anything to get it, without regard for others’ property, feelings or safety. He’s manipulative as seen in “Tobey Goes Good” and “Have You Seen the Remote.” He’s unwilling to take responsibility for his actions, as demonstrated when he attacks the candy factory for making candy because he got a cavity, instead of realizing that he should have taken better care of his teeth.

And worst of all, despite what he and the audience often believe, he clearly doesn’t give a single shit about WordGirl. If he cared about her he would have acknowledged her disinterest, if he cared about her, he wouldn’t have tried to force Becky into admitting she’s WordGirl in “By Jove, You’ve Wrecked My Robot.” If he cared about her, he wouldn’t have pretended to be good or trick her into spending time with him or forced her to read poems about him. In the Halloween special he thought Violet was WordGirl just because she was wearing a WordGirl costume, failing to acknowledge that Violet is blonde and white and WordGirl is clearly not.

The episode “WordBot” makes it very clear what kind of relationship Tobey wants from WordGirl--and it’s not a relationship. It’s a dynamic where she simply showers him with never-ending adoration and does whatever he wants. Tobey cares about one person and one person only and it’s not WordGirl, it’s himself.

And I’m not even counting “Go Gadget Go” in any of this! That episode put him in such a bad light that most fans pretend it doesn’t exist because his behavior is so inexcusable. And yet even without that episode, we have plenty of toxicity coming from Tobey’s end.

I once saw someone say they hate the tobecky ship because the argument for it often is that Becky will be willing to put up with Tobey when they’re older. First of all, if that’s your argument in tobecky’s favor you need to go take a good hard look at yourself. Becky putting up with Tobey’s messed up behavior is essentially hoping she ends up in a horrible, toxic, unhealthy, relationship that would be borderline abusive if she didn’t stand against him. Secondly, while I don’t deny the existence of this argument, (I once read a fanfic where the two were married but still a hero and villain who battled regularly) I disagree with the idea that this argument is most often used to justify the ship. Instead, the most common argument to justify it is the idea that Tobey has it in him to change. This is certainly a better argument, as Tobey changing is really the only hope for this ship.

But I think it’s really easy for us, myself included, to struggle with the line between finding evidence that Tobey could change vs excusing his actions; the line between finding an explanation for his behavior vs finding an excuse for him. It’s a very easy line to accidentally cross without realizing it. And it really says something when, as discussed in another post, we are not giving other villains like Victoria--who have more of an “excuse” --the same treatment. It’s incredibly misogynistic.

I’m not going to try to argue that Tobey doesn’t have the capability to be good, of course, he does. We can see this in the cute note he leaves in Becky’s backpack in “Trustworthy Tobey” and in the very last moments in the Thanksgiving special, and of course in our favorite example, “It’s Your Party and I’ll Cry if I Want to.” I’m also not saying that Tobey’s actions and psychology aren’t the product of the environment and circumstances he faces daily. Of course having no father figure present, a single mother who is always working, and no friends is going to affect a child. What I want to question is when is Tobey responsible for his own life, choices, and actions? Maybe not now at age 10-11, but what about when he’s 13? 16? 18? 21? 40? Where do we draw that line? I also don’t want to discourage looking for the good in people and characters and thinking critically about how their past and psychology is affecting their actions. I want to encourage that in all characters, not just the boy who happens to have a crush.

And while it’s nice to speculate that Tobey will follow a better path in the future, not so much for tobecky as much as for the betterment of Tobey himself, we need to realize that it’s just speculation. We have no canon proof of where his story goes post-WordGirl. He has his moments of hope but overall this kid has a terrible track record. When it comes to others, Tobey makes terrible choices. And that’s exactly what “going good” will be--a choice--his choice.

I also want to take a moment to talk about something @fromtheplanethexagon said in this amazing post you should totally read because it’s great. They commented on how very few people when writing tobecky fanfics takes the time to explore her perspective of their feelings for each other. Where her feelings originate and why she would like him. This is something I am absolutely guilty of and will be paying attention to in the future. After reading that passage from their post I thought for a while why Becky would like Tobey, and I honestly struggled with it a bit, which shouldn’t be happening if I’m trying to write a healthy tobecky story. That’s all I’ll say on this for now because beyond this I would use Word Up as an example, so I’ll save that for later.

The older I get the more I realized how toxic this ship is. Heck, who knows what I’ll realize about it in the future when I’m even more mature. In the past I’ve tried to convince myself it’s okay I ship it because I never shipped Tobey with WordGirl, I shipped him with Becky. I know they are the same person, but Tobey doesn’t know that, and the dynamics between him and each of her egos are very different. The dynamic between Tobey and WordGirl reminds me of Gideon and Mabel from Gravity Falls. Meanwhile the one between Tobey and Becky reminds me more of the one between Jimmy and Cindy from The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron. That’s better right? Even if just a little bit? Well no, not really, because we all know darn well if Tobey fell for Becky instead of WordGirl he would treat Becky exactly the same as he treats WordGirl. He would ultimately have the same “WordBot esc” expectations. If anything he might try to treat her worse. With WordGirl there is a clear power balance, and while it’s still technically there with Becky, Tobey doesn’t know it’s still there and might try to use that to his advantage.

And to conclude I’d like to add to @fromtheplanethexagon above-mentioned post (here’s the link again, seriously, read it!). Regarding their final thoughts that it’s fine to explore the ship, and it’s fine to explore the unhealthy parts of the ship. But we need to be careful to not glorify the toxicity of the potential pairing.

[stardustdancer]

Darklina to the core or ... The real reason for the passion for a certain storyline

First of all ... the good thing is that the majority of society is able to distinguish between good and bad. We learn that early on.

I don't close my eyes to reality. There are terrible people in this world. There are people who have had faced or currently face terrible situations. There is good stuff happening in this world as well as great people do exist. But sure as hell there are no perfect ones.

I am shipping Darklina. I have my reasons. They are my own individual and personal reasons and I am looking for answers.

You can find answers everywhere. From advice, a sight, an experience ... I know Darklina is a damn toxic relationship. This was shown to us with a sledgehammer. Aleksander did Alina dirty. No doubt on that. I’m not excusing such behaviour and such actions in any way in real life.

The good news is ... Darklina is not reality. It's fiction, and the thing about fiction and stories is that they have a purpose. They give answers. They remind us of things. They show us dreams, hopes and wishes. They teach us something. They contain a message. Their goal is to explain to us in a simple but often exaggerated way how we can or should deal with things in our real world.

Critical voices could now say: "Then why are you shipping Darklina? Is the lesson not clear? No chance for abusers!"

Yes, you are right. That is a lesson to be learned from it. But it's A lesson. Not the only lesson.

See, we humans are all so very, very different. We are different because we all go different ways. We have different legacies, different experiences. We have different ambitions, different demons, different passions, desires and hopes. We all have different lessons to learn.

What about the lesson of never giving up? The lesson of how much is too much to reach your goals? What about the lesson of change? Is there a way to get out of the dark or is bad bad and will stay bad forever? Do you remain a monster with no hope? Is it worth fighting your demons, experiences, your past? What about the lesson in true forgiveness? (I recommend everyone look up the word "forgiveness" and what it means.)

There are real people in this world who ask such questions. Are they not allowed to ask these questions or find answers because the moral compass of our society forbids it to only whispering about our moral gray traits? Does the morally perfect society ignore the fact that different people face different problems that this perfect society cannot understand at all?

As different as the people, as different are the lessons and as different are the motivations and preferences.

But back to Darklina AND definitely ... we mustn't forget ... It's a story! It's an exaggerated fiction that I'm talking about.

In order to be able to learn something from it we have to turn the story of Aleksander and Alina into reality by removing all magical things, the war situation, the killer vipes and the hunger for power to reduce the story events to its core. (Just for your information, the point is not to downplay a problem, but to make it more understandable.)

When all of this is gone, we have a man who wants to achieve a goal by taking advantage of a woman's talent.

Let's create a new story based on this core. Just an example ...

How about a story where a boss wants to win a project. He sees the potential of a woman in his company and asks her for help. They get closer as they work together, but the boss is a stupid workaholic who has worked toward his goal all his life. So far he has been alone for a very long time. He doesn't know how to trust someone and the relationship with this woman is new. Maybe it is too new and his newly awakened feelings are frightening him. He is afraid and sees his reputation threatened by this woman's talent and steals that mutual successes of a presentation and presents it as his own.

The woman is hurt and it sure means that she was abused by her boss too. It's exactly the same gist as Alinas and Aleksanders in Shadow and Bone, but turned into a more realistic and more minor incident. Something that can definitely happen in reality.

Now we talk about what someone sees in Darklina. Does this new story still evoke exactly the same negative and dramatic feelings in you as in the original story? No, or?

That's because there's a certain familiarity in this story. It could be true and it could be something that can actually happen to anyone.It's realistic. It's still bad. No question. Still a shitty situation, but it isn't tainted with urealistic cruelty and there is a good chance of finding a good and realistic solution without killing anyone. It's something a random person is able to deal with in real life.

It’s the core of a story that draws us in and not… (well…not only) the obvious sexiness and chemistry of a protagonist.

Most of the time what draws us in reflects something that is within us. Be it guilt or hope. Be it wish or reality. For fun or for distraction. The end of a story could be an answer to a question or food for thought for someone who has an inner question to deal with.

The woman might either find a good lawyer to help her or she will move heaven and earth to convince her boss to change his behavior.

Different endings, different paths, different motivations, different lessons.

And, depending on your inner needs, you have chosen which of them you like best.

Some Malinas might look for the handsome boyfriend to help Alina gain inner peace and find sweet love. Maybe these people are craving a healthy relationship or they just enjoy the fluffy stuff. It is absolutely valid. I'm happy for them. Enjoy your trip!

But that's not it for everyone. Darklinas may see a different message. They hope for something else. They have different needs. They enjoy other things. What is also valid.

There is nothing wrong with showing interest in Darklina's plot because nobody but you knows what you can get out of this story for your personal growth because nobody but you knows what your life lessons are.

It is up to you which way you go. Which story you prefer, what lesson you need or want to learn. What your wishes are or what your hopes. It's individual. It's personal. It's different for everyone.

So if you take the story down to the core, it will be easier to identify a message and that will help you find your answers.

Unfortunately, the problems with stories is that you will never know which route the writers will choose. You won't know the end until it ends. You can only stick with it until the story tells you that you won't find your answer in it. You have to wait and hope that the story gives you what you are looking for. Either you are the lucky one or you are the one who remains unsatisfied. Then you haven't found your answer yet.

However, it's important to always remember that at some point, somehow, somewhere you will find your answers. You just have to keep looking.

Until then, enjoy the things that make you happy!

And in my case, it's only to watch Ben Barnes look delicious!

Just kidding ... it's the hope of a good ending to a person stuck in a dark place trying to find their way back into the light.

That's all! Sorry for my bad English. It's not my mother tongue.

Take care! Bye!

[lily-mj-fae]

I’m making this post to continue from a comment thread because i hate comments. It takes way too many to say everything at once. So @everlustsstuff this is just my response (this post really got away with me and my thoughts and it got long so i’m putting it under a read more):

First of all. I absolutely do believe Elain has her flaws and faults. A large part of her actions are based on who she is as a person. Her inaction is her biggest fatal flaw. It’s an ugly one, that stems from who she is. It’s awful. And she’s made a few steps in the direction to correct that flaw, but she absolutely has a long way to go. But she’s also not really getting any help there either, because she’s surrounded by people who are content to just leave her as she was. Which kind of leaves her with very few resources to figure herself out. 

Who she is, stems from a mixture of nature and nurture. The nature part for her I believe is that desire to people please, the kindness, the general bright and bubbly joy that exudes from her. Just her brains wiring. (and this is a part that i get because that is me too. Just in general a really happy person even in some of the bleakest times. And that is one thing I love elain for. Is how much Feyre admires that. Because believe me, enough people look down on that behavior and it sucks, even if you haven’t done anything wrong).

I do have a tendency to speak more on other people’s actions around her, because I’m far more interested in how other people’s actions affect that (also because like I said, i already get the first part. so it’s really just not as interesting to me). And on top of those things, Elain has been very sheltered, at all points by people around her. (Most Notably her sisters). And that has had a huge part on who she is. Let’s be honest, the girls raised each other. Which has clearly led to some issues (because ya know, they were children and siblings, not parents).

Two of the biggest things that annoyed the hell out of me in ACOTAR are:

1) Why didn’t they grow their own vegetables? Elain had a garden. They were clearly too broke to buy them. And for days when they didn’t have meat, it would be a great option. Like, did they seriously only eat meat? IDK, it seems so unlikely to me. So why wasn’t Elain growing them? 

I know a lot of fandom headcanons that she did. I on ocassion will. But i think my friend has it right. Headcanon that she TRIED but it didn’t work out and then likely gave up (because ya know, i think it’s another character trait, even flaw. She seems quick to give up). Because when gardening with Feyre in the nice house, she mentions that she plans on learning how to grow vegetables (which I think is a form of growth within her character. No matter how small it is to us as readers). (also tying into this why doesn’t she cook? but again, something that she’s now worked on rectifying on her own...in the sense she sought instruction on her own volition, to learn from the shadow twins).

2) That when Feyre asks Nesta to chop wood, and Nesta refuses, why doesn’t Elain just go do it herself? Or why doesn’t Feyre just ask Elain. Like i know Feyre mentions not being sure if Elain just doesn’t know what to do or is just actively choosing not to do anything, but then...why not ask her? She was willing to ask Nesta. So Elain doesn’t get asked, and she doesn’t do it herself. Instead we see her plead with Nesta. Is she just incapable? As a people pleaser (and someone who has at least shown interest, albeit later in the series in learning things), it would actually be totally within character for her to go do it herself when Feyre so clearly asks for help and Nesta rejects. Imagine how happy they’d all be if they had wood and Nesta and feyre weren’t arguing about it. So why doesn’t she?

I have my theories. And yes. It 100% has to do with her being sheltered. Do I think that she tried, and Nesta went to stop her? Yes I do. I absolutely do. It would be within character for Nesta, who doesn’t want her sister to be subjected to the harsher side of reality. (Especially because i stand by my comparison of her protectiveness. Which I think would have started sometime after their mother died. I think it would have been the first time they ever saw Elain not her bubbly happy self. And let me tell you. When people care about a bubbly person who is not being bubbly. They get WORRIED. MASSIVELY). But I could be wrong. I just don’t think Nesta’s pattern of behavior has changed that much (aside from her choosing to step in and help Feyre on her own, not because she was harassed into it) that it is terribly unlikely. 

Elain is sheltered a lot. Even sheltered from the consequences of HER choices and actions. Which mean she’s not going to learn or grow from those experiences. It seems that Feyre herself has desires/expectations that Nesta should, should be doing her part moreso than she does Elain (obviously she still has hopes/expecations with Elain too. But most of the ire is directed at nesta is feels like). So if she’s spent a large part of her life being sheltered, taking actions that she doesn’t necessarily think about the worst that can happen. Because she doesn’t see it. I mean, She is the one that chose to help Feyre first (when Feyre came to involve them in things on her own). She was the one that pushed for them to do exactly what Feyre was asking. But who ultimately did most of the work? Nesta. And we see in Wings and Ember that Nesta will not allow Elain to be involved. Because she wants to protect Elain from the potential consequences of Graysen finding out. If he found out, and only Nesta had been involved, he already hated her, he’d probably whisk Elain away to keep her safe. But if he knew Elain had been involved? Even though she was trying to help her sister, and everyone else, he’d have left her. With all this in mind, it’s a massive downfall to Elain. But it is also inline 100% with the life she’s led.

And we see Nesta and Feyre again, try to protect her from the fall out of her choices, when Elain comes up with her plan to help the humans. One in which she is vital to. Nesta and Feyre immediately seek to protect her from the pain they all know is coming. And this is where we see Elain starting to outwardly recognize actions have consequences (because she does acknowledge that they failed Feyre when growing up to defend Nesta from the inner circle completely blaming Nesta and not her and she doesn’t try to excuse it. She accepts her guilt there). Because she reminds them that 1) Graysen wouldn’t see any of them except her. and 2) She understands that things are already bad. But it doesn’t change that she needs to face it (Again, some good growth in her character for recognizing that).

Second of all I don’t disagree that the characters need to stop babying Elain. I don’t even disagree that Nesta has stopped (I just disagree with how she’s pushing her away all together. But that’s Nesta coping with her trauma poorly. Just as i think Elain’s repressing is a poor coping mechanism because it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass when it all bubbles out of her control). I’m glad Nesta has taken a step back. It might be a few too many in the wrong direction. And it’s absolutely going to have an effect on their relationship, but I’m glad Nesta is trying to separate from Elain. I want Elain to get away from the IC (at least as a group together). I want her to get the hell out of the Night court and see the world. Because that’s the one thing we know she does want to do. And that would come with experiences. 

But them continuing to baby her, mixed with some of her past experiences, doesn’t change

I want to see Elain be trained. Give her some self-defense training. Try to help her train in her power. Let her get out. 

The reason I bring up Nesta especially when Elain is being criticized for “not helping Nesta” when Nesta did so much for her, is because I really don’t think Nesta did so much to help Elain as she did to simply protect her. Not only because I feel like it’s making assumptions out of large chunks of time that we know nothing about (time between acowar and acofas, and acofas and acosf), but because it also makes assumptions of what is going on that we cant see because of limited perspectives. And because it makes a lot, what I feel, are inaccurate statements in Nesta’s favor. 

Which is where my comparison of Nesta to Tamlin comes in. Because despite everything, despite his temper problems that were a real problem, there are parallels that i’ve pointed out a few times. And Elain, being who she isn’t, isn’t going to fight back as much as Feyre did (those there are certainly some parallels between Elain and Feyre too). She would rather keep the peace. So she mostly accepts it. She is repressing her trauma and just doing what’s expected, the way Feyre was kind of trying to. But we do see her push back a little. Namely to help feyre and then to help the humans. But in these instances, she knew exactly what was needed. Expectations were laid out in front of her. Everything she has done, every step she’s taken, there’s been something there to guide her in that direction. and now, she has no direction. She knows Nesta needs help. But that’s the one thing she doesn’t know how to do. She used to just go to Nesta, comfort her, etc. And that’s not working. Nesta is pushing her away. With that, plus the fact that she has her own traumas and her own issues and figuring out her new place in this new world, that quick to give up (though i don’t call at least a year [war was in spring, acofas was winter, and from exerpt we know elain at least had something to do with nesta through her spring birthday] being “quick” even if they are immortals. Time is still going to mean something to them for a while). But most of the conversations and actual plans and events, happened without Elain present. Elain isn’t aware of those things going on. They’re trying not to key her in. So because she’s not there for those, because things are being planned but likely not told to her until well after, she’s not able to speak up on those. She doesn’t know what to speak out on. She’s not so independent. 

Overall, i think that was actually so incredibly detrimental to her. Was Elain in a good headspace? Absolutely not. Could it have easily backfired for her to try to speak her mind at the highlord’s meeting? Absolutely. But not giving her a choice, not allowing her those experiences, kept her from learning or growing. It kept her locked away and secluded. Which is another reason, at least when it comes to this mentioned debate, i don’t like it. Like, i have been told, Nesta was with Elain 24/7 from Nesta stans trying to act like this was all so great for Elain’s character and absolutely the best thing for her. Even though that statement is so false it’s not even funny. And so many people act like this was good, yet think tamlin is this irredeemable monster even just for his similar actions (those are not the actions I think should be irredeemable. I think it’s destroying the study in a violent manner that would have seriously injured feyre if she hadn’t been able to shield, and the outright ignoring her pleas to not be locked inside, and the trying to force her back to the point where he sided with hybern that should fall into those, but eh i don’t care about him enough to say he’s irredeemable) even though the same thing happens to Elain. But with Elain it’s: “It was for her own good.” “They were just protecting her” “They just love her”. Which...is exactly why Tamlin was so fiercely protective of Feyre. I think it’s the one good thing about the actions. They were based in love. But also incredibly detrimental.

Because Elain was so excluded and sheltered from what was going on, she ended up being left behind and alone. Left with strangers (Nuala and Cerridwen...even Amren, who is barely an acquaintance) when they ran off to do their things, and then left to be a sitting duck in the middle of a battlefield. (Velaris remaining untouched while they were in the battles, Elain would have been safer away from them). If they were going to have her there, they should have trained her some. And so Elain (who gets mocked for not wanting to wear leathers) seeks what little comfort she can, in the tent and in the clothing she wears. Because that’s an overwhelming place to be when you’re been left in the dark about everything and have no useful or practical skills. 

And yes, she could have learned. She could have done what Nesta did and tried to go help heal. Or anything like that. And she didn’t. Again, because she lacked the initiative because she was in a different place (not in the same tent that most of those things were going on that say led Nesta to try to help the healers) and it wasn’t placed before her. And i would love to see her learn to get past that in future books.

But I do think a lot of her actions are driven by those around her because she is a people pleaser. She’s not confrontational (except in a few small instances). And she doesn’t challenge a lot. She accepts a lot at face value. And it’s biting her in the ass. So she’s going to need to learn. 

[r00en]

Still Good Chapter 5

Calculated Competition

All Might / Reader, Slight Aizawa / Reader 

Aizawa never did like All Might but he always kept things professional at the very least with the occasional cold behavior and rude attitude, but this might be pushing it.

(Listen, lemmy self indulge in two hot guys fighting over the same girl but in dumb slow burn ways okay!?

EDITED: For all the horrible mistakes, it was bugging me) 

Absolutely nothing could ruin All Mights day today. He had woken up with a smile and carried it through is morning routine. Even humming a bit as he packed is boring lunch and snacks for the day and shoved a few rice crackers in his mouth while changing. Standing in front of the mirror he tried his best to adjust the lopsided tie that hung lose around his neck, fix the drooping shoulders of his pinstripe suit and make sure his belt was tight enough to keep his pants snug on his skinny hips. His cheeks burned slightly as he tried to smooth out his hair only to watch it spring back into place. Useless. Why was he suddenly so worried about how he looked? 'Because there are millions of other good looking, younger men out there for her to pick from....'

That may have been true but so far she had shown no issue with his current look at all. He wasn't dirty at the very least. He could take pride in that much. And his cloths had to be baggy otherwise they would rip right off him each time he powered up. He couldn't carry around different pairs of clothing each time he wanted to, waste time changing back and forth. This was practical. Still...he felt stupid suddenly worrying about this sort of thing so late in the game. Is that what it was like for young men every day? Was it going to be like this for him from now on? The thought had him sulking a bit until he mind kindly reminded him of the cute, sweet, young nurse waiting for him at the coffee shop. Even the creepiness of that thought couldn't keep the smile from his face. Glancing down at his phone he nearly had a heart attack. He was going to be late! He already missed the first train that would get him there early, and now the second that would drop him right on time.

"Holy, stinking, super crap!" He was out the door so fast he would have to apologies to his neighbors for slamming the door hard enough to rock the foundation. With a bit of steam and a loud pop he was sprinting over root tops like his feet were on fire.

Hiding out in a back ally way was his best option to power down. The last thing he needed was reporters following him to school just yet, even less catching him having breakfast with a fellow coworker. No one knew All Might was working at UA. Very few people knew he was in town to stay yet. Low profile was best so he deflated with the rest of the trash, standing awkwardly next to a butcher shops old meat scraps. Fitting. Once he was sure no one saw him sneak in here, nor anyone coming from either direction less he look creepy stalking out of the darkness. Cost was clear and the coffee shop was in sight. And if he squinted real hard he could see his target standing by a few out door tables looking at her phone with worry. This would be the second time he made her wait, a habit he was really hoping he could break soon. Picking up a light job he made his way over. "H-hey sorry I'm late....again. Got held up at the station-" As that beautiful, bubbly face turned to greet him it was over cast by a dark shadow like figure that loomed behind her should like a bad omen. Coming into clear focus as he stopped just short of the two.

"The number one can't even have the manners to show up on time...can't say I'm surprised...." That sullen, annoyed voice. That mess of pitch black hair. Those blood shot angry eyes.

"Ah, Aizawa....what are you..." She answered his question before he managed to mutter it out. Thankfully as Toshi couldn't keep his slightly annoyance from seeping out at his fellow teacher. "Ah, Mr. Aizawa saw me waiting here and came to say hello! He said it's on his way to work every morning isn't that funny?"

Both men started at each other for a moment. Toshi didn't like that smirk he was wearing but was far to polite to do more than cough into his fist. "Yeah? What a coincidence. I had no idea you lived around here." There it was again, that smirk just hidden behind his capture scarf. "Small world. I figured I would grab a cup of coffee with a fellow colleague since I'm here. Catch her up on what's going on from the teachers perspective. Would be nice if we were all on the same page. Less troublesome. But it seems you beat me too it...."  That sounded logical and if it was coming from anyone else; Mic for instance Toshi would have brushed it off with a smile. But this felt wrong. Toshi never mentioned his friendship with the new nurse to anyone save for Young Midoriya who of course had no contact with the teacher at UA. He must have happened on her while heading to work like he said and she mentioned their meet up in casual conversation. Could he be planning something devious? A plan made up on the fly so quickly? Toshi knew he wasn't Aizawa's favorite person. He often made that more than clear during his past meetings. Something about the spotlight rubbed the sullen hero the wrong way and All Might was a spotlight in and of himself. But she didn't look any different even with Aizawa looming behind her like a dark cloud of distaste. She just smiled at him, readjusting her glasses waiting for him to fully join what now seemed to be a group date.

He could deal with this. It wasn't like he planned on confessing to her any time soon, surely not today. He just needed to keep telling himself that this wasn't a date. Who cares if Aizawa was there? He could still talk to her! Swallowing the lump in his throat Toshi spurred forward with a happy, friendly smile.

"Me and ____-chan here are excited to start the school year together...isn't that right?" Toshi watched in horror as Aizawa moved his hand from his pocket to rest it on her head. Rubbing softly like she was some kind of cat. The action seemed to fluster her beyond believe and she held her glowing cheeks with embarrassment. "W-well it's surely an exciting time. With it being my first year living in Japan and working at UA of all places I really hope I can handle it." He was grinning that creepy grin again. She couldn't see from her perspective, head tilted down as she shyly fiddled with her fingers. It was directed at him. Why?! "You'll do fine. You're Recovery Girls own granddaughter, that counts for something. UA is filled with exceptional teachers and staff and you'll be no different." It all sounded so friendly but his tone, it was off.... Since when did Shota Aizawa pep-talk anyone? Let alone in that cheerful voice. "I'll buy you a coffee this time. As a welcome to the school. You don't mind....right All Might?" His voice was dripping with venom and all Toshi could do was nod. "Y-yeah...no problem."

The three made it inside with little to no issue, though Aizawa insisted on keeping himself firmly wedged between the two of them like some odd chaperon. Tossing Toshi rather loaded looks as the ordered and Aizawa payed, though at least he could enjoy the cute way she tried to order her own drink but fumbled with the odd names of coffee she never needed to use before. Toshi turned his head to keep his fellow teacher from seeing the pleased look on his face. Something was up and he wouldn't give Aizawa any more reason to be suspicious. Taking their seats Toshi decided it was best not to put up a fight at all and slid himself across from the two willingly. This was far better for conversation anyway and would have been the arrangement regardless. Rubbing his temple he let out a sigh, he was over thinking things. Aizawa just disliked him and was using this as some odd excuse to make his day harder. That's all this was. It didn't make him feel any better but he couldn't shake the feeling he deserved a bit of this given the circumstances. He was going after someone nearly twice is junior. He was being creepy again...thinking about it like that.

Suddenly she was talking, as if Aizawa wasn't there which put a mildly annoyed look on his face that please Toshi greatly. "So I had some questions about the game show last night. They kept flashing your catch phrase 'I am here' but they kept putting cotton candy around it....is that some sort of inside joke? I don't get it." He grinned, this would surely cement their friendship outside of work and put Aizawa off his teasing. "It's not that complicated, you see if you write out the phrase it's only a few character off from 'It's Cotton Candy!' so from time to time people make the reference." He motioned the kanji in the air as if she could follow though she seems a little lost. "Mmm...we sort of have that in english but the differences in words are not so extreme. Read and read are two different words written the same way but they are close in context. Don't even get me started on 'their'...Present Mic is going to have his work cut out for him. Grandmother said I should try and help with some of the more advanced classes but if I'm honest I'm not really the student type. If I make a mistake teaching kids I'll ruin them for life! No way I can take that responsibility on!"

Toshi wanted to say something like 'You'll make a wonderful teacher' or 'Everything you do is great don't worry!' but Aizawa was glaring at him again and didn't stop even when the waiter brought them their coffee. His was a simple tea, Aizawa apparently liked his black though she had some sort of foaming latte type drink that looked to be more milk than coffee. Just as sweet as she was. "You watched TV together last night?" That cold, spine tingling voice cut through their otherwise cheery cloud of a conversation and both Toshi and her were sent cowering from the angry dark aura drifting it's way closer to them. "A-aha...Toshi stopped by to get some help with his injured side on his way home last night. It was my fault...I offered him dinner and it would have been rude for him to say no. We ended up just watching TV and talking through most of the night. He had to explain so many things to me on the programs that I think I kinda ruined some of them..." She was shyly pulling at the wrapper of her straw and smiling at him from behind the rim of her glasses. As if the memory was enjoyable even if it was so recent. Aizawa made a 'tsk' sound and slumped forward.

"Didn't know you two were already so friendly, already on to first names... Moving a bit fast aren't you All Might?" They both sat confused for a moment trying to determine their colleagues motives and attitude. Toshi knew him as always standoffish and moody but this was something else. Only the sound of a rather loud and rather peppy ring ton cut through the tension at the table like a chirping knife. Scrambling for her phone she took one glance at the screen and waved her hand at Aizawa "S-sorry I need to take this do you mind?" While he looked like he most certainly did mind he did the decent thing a stood, only enough that she was still forced to brush most of her body against him as she pulled herself from the booth and headed to the door. Both men staring each other down during the whole ordeal until the fellow teacher flopped down with a grunt. "Don't tell me you like them younger..."

Toshi felt like someone dumped ice water over his head. He sputtered out a bit of his tea and took the excuse to hide his face behind his napkin. "I-I'm sorry I don't think I follow you." That earned him a glare. "You're not stupid so don't act like it. She might think it's cute but I don't." Toshi sat up a little straighter, leveling his own glare at the dark haired man. "I couldn't care less what you do with your time or your title All Might, but going after another employee seems a bit close to home even for you. Couldn't you just pick up any of your fans? Keep your privet business off school property? It would be troublesome if it came down on the school or you started drama between coworkers...." Toshi clenched his fists in his lap. Aizawa was always blunt but this was bordering on rude. Still he wasn't really 'wrong'. Mislead, condescending and indecent but not wrong.  The thoughts swirling around inside Toshi were confusing yes but they were also honest. He didn't choose to feel this way and truth be told he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. It was all so new for him in so many different ways and the confrontation about them so harshly put was jarring. But he knew how he felt, and he hoped he knew how she felt. Glancing outside he watched her happily chat away on her phone. Cupping her mouth and speaking softly as people walked by as to not be rude. Once she caught him staring she smiled and gave him a little wave and he was sure he saw her cheeks paint a light pink. That smile meant the world to him and he would be damned if anyone, even a 'friend' was going to take that away from him.

Turning back to a pissed off looking Aizawa he cleared his throat. "I'm not sure what you know...how much she told you but if you think my interest in her is indecent...." he would be right, the dream he had last night was the epitome of it "Not that it's any of your business," He added, taking a sip of his tea for good measure. "...we are friends above all else. I offered to help her during her time at UA and we both enjoy each others company. I can't help but wonder what it matters to you Aizawa, it's not like you to poke around in other peoples business." If Toshi didn't know any better he could have sworn he saw a blush flash across the sullen mans face. Ever so slightly hidden as he scrunched down and used his scarf as a shield. "She wouldn't shut up about you..." Aizawa muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets so he could lounge back against the booth. "The second she saw me she told me she was meeting you and she had this 'look'...she's my age All Might...." Now he sounded like a protective older brother and Toshi couldn't find it in him to be angry about that. "And you're the symbol of peace. Think about her...your spot light comes with risks and pressure. And I wasn't just blowing smoke about the schools image. If this goes down wrong-" Toshi held up a hand and surprisingly it stopped his little speech. "If that's your concern I can assure you both of us are consenting adults. Nothing has gone on between us that is any of your concern...but has been nothing more than friendly."

Aizawa gave him a look that spilled over into disbelief. The way they looked at each other was not just on friendly terms. Even with all his intrusive behavior, blunt conversation and general looming presence the two of them oozed a level of chemistry Aizawa had never seen before. At least not in person. It was kind of disgusting to watch the great All Might all glassy eyed and smitten even in his weak state. And she was no better. It was easy to fluster her truth be told. He learned that the first day they met when he stood a bit too close to her and glared down at her trying to give off his 'just leave me alone' attitude without words. She all but hid behind her clip board and shuffled behind her tiny grandma for support. The great Paladin who could take a beating better than any pro hero on the market was out done by personal space and eye contact. Though he was loathed to admit it these two idiots were made for each other. She also had a pension for sticking her nose in other peoples emotional business, and from the way All Might carried himself the man needed a good scream cry or two.

Giving a shrug as if he was indifferent to his words Aizawa stood from his spot and started to lumber away. "I won't make this easy for you All Might. You haven't needed to fight for anything in a while...so call it a strategical test of will." His eyes wild and blown wide as he stared back at the number one hero, all teeth and unease. "You'll have to fight for it like the rest of us." And with that cryptic message he was off and out the door. She stopped him as he tried to sneak away and earned herself another head pat but it seemed like little else as Toshi watched his fellow teacher stalk off to towards the school. What the hell was that suppose to mean 'fight for it'? Wasn't that what he was already doing. Losing sleep and suffering though what he could only assume was cardiac arrest each time he had to so much as talk to her? It had only been a day since he even admitted his own feelings to himself and already he apparently had some twisted rivalry with a fellow teacher. Did that mean Aizawa had feeling for the new nurse too? Did they spend time together outside of work as well? Too many thoughts buzzed around inside his head and he downed his cooling tea in one gulp out of frustration.

"Sorry about that! Grandma needed some information on the applying student files I organized the other day. I messed up and forgot that here you guys use last names more often than first...." she was flustered but otherwise seemed normal. Sliding back into her seat but this time directly across from him. "My first real day as a nurse and it will be a seriously dangerous entrance exam. Talk about stressful. And speaking of what was up with Mr. Aizawa? He normally acts like he can't stand to be around me....strange change, maybe he fell out of bed this morning and hit his head..." the image was enough to make them both chuckle.

Toshi carefully, and oh so slowly reached out and brushed his fingers across her hand that was resting on the table. "Don't worry about either of them. You'll do great, you're more than qualified and your put your heart in everything you do. I'm sure those kids will be in good hands. Besides the entrance exam wasn't too bad for me when I started out." She suddenly had this funny look on her face. Puffy cheeks and glittering eyes. "Oh geez I wonder what a young Toshi looked like back then. I bet you were super tall right? Like much taller than your classmates?" she teased and it caused him to blush as it always did. "Something like that. I didn't look like this I can tell you that much...." "Ohh like a meat head? You know all buff and strong like your hero form?" She tried to pose and flex her arm a bit and it worked in getting him to laugh along with her. "Nothing like that...I'll see if I can dig up some old pictures. Young Midoriya would love that I'm sure...."

With that they both lulled into a quiet conversation about Midoriya's training, her own work with Recovery Girl, the day ahead filled with filing papers and filling out forums. Anything and everything. And as they spoke they leaned closer and closer to each other until to the outside world it looked far more like a date than either of them intended. Their hands still brushed close on the table.

[wanna-b-poet31]

Aziraphale Addresses His Abuse

In case anyone cares, here are some more musings about the significance of Aziraphale’s confrontation of his abuse in Good Omens. This is an extension of a segment in my longer piece: An Angel in Recovery

Needing Closure

After Aziraphale finally admits that Heaven is like an abusive parent, he needs to come to terms with the fact that he’s got >ALOT< of shit to deal with. Not least of which is his internalized self-loathing as evident in the above gif where we can see his association with “soft” as a negative trait.  And we all KNOW Crowley would fight Gabriel for personally helping to instill the belief that he’s a “bad angel” for being kind and compassionate, and loving humanity >and Crowley<.

But, choosing a side is not closure.

What it is, is a support system and a promise to help build up Aziraphale’s confidence. Choosing his side provides safety, and it strengthens his relationship with Crowley, but choosing Crowley alone will not address his underlining trauma. While he now acknowledges that his 6000-year treatment is fucked up (like really fucked up), it is but only one step on his journey towards recovery.

Once Aziraphale chooses Crowley, to be his partner, to stop Armageddon, to defend humanity, he indeed realizes that the line between Heaven’s abuse and the threat of Hell’s is a fucking thin one. Both adversaries team up to actively destroy everything the Ineffable Husbands love, employing gaslighting, physical attacks, or emotional traumatizations to achieve their goals.

In order to have the closure that he desperately needs to properly cope with his trauma, he needs to confront his abusers and reclaim his sense of self, reaffirming his choices to pick the healthy support system that is Crowley.

There are four distinct moments where he gets his closure: With Heaven, With Shadwell, with Gabriel, and finally, with Hell. 

Defying Heaven

I didn’t note this before, but Aziraphale’s first direct act of defiance is to his duties as a leader of Heaven. 

After Aziraphale has picked a side, he is...inconveniently discorporated...and sent into the den of lions that is Heaven. Now, having realized that no one in Heaven has Earth’s best interests at heart, he walks in with his eyes wide open to the abuse and unhealthy nature of Heaven.  Once he is face-to-face with his “duties” as an Angel thrust upon him. And how is he, a principality, an angel of heaven, treated? 

Like dirt.

The Quartermaster >yup weird mustache guy is named “quartermaster”< berates him for losing his body (that up until that point had never been discorporated before) and being a “pathetic excuse for angel”. The verbal abuse is strong in this scene because, as the above gif shows, Aziraphale flinches at his words, visibly becoming uncomfortable with the treatment. And, instead of denying the problem or repressing his feelings, he sees Heaven for the nasty “parent” that it is. 

And then we see Aziraphale finally. fucking. snap.

For the first, but not the last, time we see Aziraphale assert his own desires to heaven. Although in the garden he clearly asserts his desires and kindness by giving Eve and Adam his sword, he lies about where it’s been to both God and Gabriel. He does not lie here. He makes a choice and he does not back down. He deflects blame somewhat, but he admits that the sword is gone, and righteously asserts that his actions were just. 

When the Quartermaster yells abuse at him, then tries to control Aziraphale, promising to overlook his “indiscretion” if he gets in line “now”, Aziraphale fumbles for a second but then comes out in full force. 

He. says. no. 

Not only that, he tells Heaven, on no uncertain terms, that he wants no part in waging war against humanity or Hell. This act of agency defies the hold Heaven has on him, and where, in the past, he would have suffocated on his own repression instead of acknowledging Heaven’s actions as wrong, he won’t be silent any longer. Heaven isn’t used to being told they’re in the wrong, and it lends to their overall power over all angels. But, Aziraphale does it anyway, knowing full well what the consequences are if they retaliate.

But, he’s chosen his side and damn it all if they think he’s not going to see it through until the end. 

Instead of denying there’s a problem with Heaven’s behavior, he demands to be returned to Earth so he can call/contact Crowley and stop the war from starting in the first place. Finally!!! His own wants and needs above the toxic, controlling parent that is Heaven. 

And more than that, he tells Heaven the truth. Up until this point he had repressed his misgivings about Heaven’s actions, lying through his teeth to Heaven about his true feelings towards humanity.  But here, when faced with an ultimatum, he tells the truth and DEMANDS to be sent back to Earth. 

Heaven, it seems, now is not worth the effort. He has a support system he trusts implicitly and without question -- Crowley. The control Heaven used to have on him has been replaced with defiance and anger because of their cruelty to him, to Crowley, and to humanity.  

He has some closure!

Handling Homophobia 

Then there is Shadwell.  

So full disclosure. I haven’t really talked about Shadwell in many of my metas because of all of the abusers in Good Omens, I'm most triggered by his homophobic behaviors. I grew up closeted and queer around people like Shadwell (although they were admittedly less dooms-day focused). I have some family like him and his constant usage of homophobic slurs towards Aziraphale hits close to home.  Sorry if this isn’t as detailed as my other sections, disregarding Shadwell is a form of self-care. 

It is clear with his introduction that Shadwell is dismissive of most people. For example, he elects to call Tracy “Jezebel” and other derogatory terms for her profession, only treating her kindly after she retires. For Aziraphale, he calls him “Southern Pansy”, which is a major slur in the UK for gay men.

With Crowley, Shadwell is less brash. Sure he still fanatical about abusing witches, and wants to milk the situation for as much money as he possibly can, but when he approaches Crowley at the diner, he speaks with a kind of timidness that looks like he’s seeking validation for his actions. I assert this because he’s not scared of Crowley but genuinely sees him as an ally. While it could just be a ploy to get more money out of Crowley, he doesn’t talk back or insult Crowley around him.

However, I firmly believe Crowley would absolutely beat the shit out of Shadwell for his treatment of Aziraphale.

When we look closely at how Shadwell talks to Aziraphale, he is clearly directly manipulative and verbally abusive. He purposefully takes advantage of Aziraphale’s kindness to better line his own pockets by falsely reporting the existence and death of his “soldiers”. Then, out of earshot, he berates Aziraphale for what he presumes his sexual identity is. While Aziraphale is canonically a queer masculine-presenting non-binary entity, Shadwell percieves Aziraphale’s behavior as a net negative (which it absolutely isn’t!!! Fuck Shadwell’s transphobia and homophobia). He uses his prejudice and homophobia to show that he does not view Aziraphale as worth the same respect that Crowley (who somehow Shadwell does not read as genderqueer) is shown.

Shadwell’s abuse is less all-encompassing than Heaven’s, but it’s just as significant because of his dismissive attitude towards Aziraphale devaluing non-normative gender presentations and is generally meant to be hurtful. He is meant to be Aziraphale’s ally, or perhaps his employee. But the homophobic slurs shows malice. Although not as hidden as Heaven, the abusive nature of Shadwell is just as damaging, and the insult is intended to belittle and demean Aziraphale.

This all comes to a head after finding Madame Tracy is angelically possessed by Aziraphale, Shadwell verbally attacks Aziraphale with the slur again. And Aziraphale, who just faced Heaven and walked backward into Hell, is not having any of the homophobic behaviors. 

This whole interaction is a relatively “small” moment compared to his defiance of Heaven, but it shows he’s one step closer to confronting the bigger, more direct, abusers in his life. Defying Heaven was monumental but vague, it’s one thing to defy an organization, or even defy expectations, but to defy individuals is harder, more personal, and confronting the struggle helps give Aziraphale closure against homophobia.  

The One Where Gabriel’s a Dick

The next confrontation is with Gabriel, the primary abuser for 6000 years. While all of Heaven is abusive, Gabriel specifically singles out Aziraphale, belittles his interests (even when Gabriel himself indulges in some less than angelic behaviors like wrath and indulging in nice, expensive human clothing). He is a vehicle for many of the specific actions that traumatize Aziraphale.  

Although I don’t doubt Aziraphale could cut Gabriel with his flaming sword, the most powerful weapon in his arsenal is his words. He defends Adam’s choice to not destroy the world and confronts Gabriel’s use of the “great plan” vs. the ineffable one. Aziraphale knows that poking at Heaven’s excuse for destroying humanity won’t hold up. Adam’s right, there is no rationale for waging war except “to see whose gang’s the best”. Speaking up like that, against a director of war, is ballsy, but Aziraphale does not care. He needs to confront the horrendous way Gabriel/Heaven has treated him, humanity, and Crowley.

And who supports him through this cathartic moment? 

Crowley. 

With a single glance, Crowley interjects and comes through, supporting Aziraphale’s (extremely clever) plan to protect Adam and the world. Based on Gabriel and Beelzebub’s confused reactions Crowley realizes Heaven and Hell don’t actually know what they’re doing.  Aziraphale has them dead to right with his cleverness and devotion to humanity. Stepping closer to Aziraphale, protectively behind Adam, he pushes until Heaven and Hell are forced to admit defeat.

It’s a beautiful confrontation. A perfect FUCKKKKKKK YOU to the embodiment of his abuse, with his support system helping give him the confidence he needs to push past his insecurities and execute his plan. 

Facing His Fears: Hell or Highwater 

The last distinct moment is the switch. 

While Hell specifically hasn’t actually targetted Aziraphale, they have done something worse. Attacked his support system. So, Aziraphale returns in kind, confronting his partner’s abusers head on. And look at the absolute GLEE he takes in showing off how indestructible to Holy Water his partner is. He’s making a performance of daring all of Hell to come after them, terrorizing them like they terrorized Crowley and him.

It’s also him coming to terms with the fact that yes, it’s him and Crowley against the (divine) World. The switch is so significant for so many reasons, but the primary one is that it allows Aziraphale the ability to face his biggest fear -- Hell -- and not flinch. 

The Threat of falling (like from Uriel/Michael/Sandalphon) and going to Hell terrifies our loveable bastard angel. He knew that he was disposable to Heaven, but he’s indisposable to Crowley. This confrontation allows him to come to terms with the unhealthy power dynamic of Heaven and begin the rest of his life with Crowley as equals. 

Once he returns home, to Crowley, he’s not fully recovered (recovery is a process, not a finish line) but he’s faced all of his abusers.  

He has closure. 

TLDR: Aziraphale is on the road to recovery with Crowley. #lovewins

Thanks for coming to my Ted talk

[gumheel]

“hi! sorry that this is so long aaa it’s kind of a complex situation that i have mixed feelings on so i couldn’t word it very concisely… also i hope you have a good day! ty for being so nice about this

also this isn’t meant to be a “you guys are horrible and i can’t believe you wrote this!!!!” b/c i don’t think it was intentional at all, just had some bad connotations… but w/ blanche’s writing i. hm i hope this is worded well but i feel like making him mentally ill kind of didn’t mix well w/ his narrative role as someone who’s supposed to be irredeemable/bad, especially b/c he also comes off as specifically someone dealing with low empathy and difficulty recognizing others as real/tangible people who can be hurt + difficulty knowing what to do When he’s hurt others which (as someone with multiple cluster b personality disorders) is a big issue when you’re cluster b.”

i’m putting the rest of this under the cut not to minimize what was actually done but so the root and answer can be easily addressed! you don’t have to apologize for it being long you spoke very concisely and worded the issue well and i appreciate it being brought up a great deal :] i’m also happy you brought this up because this was something i was struggling with a lot being blanche’s player and i do have a lot i would like to say that will hopefully explain, but that isn’t really necessary reading and the main thing i and the other mods want to say is that we are sorry for pushing that kind of narrative. there are more reasons behind this that i’ll go on to talk about below the cut, but at the end of the day an author’s issues with oneself like... should be addressed via other means and not worked out through a medium like this, it leads to a reading that, as unintentional as it may be, is still present and we’re sorry about that.

“and kind of contributes to a narrative of mentally ill people who’ve messed up/hurt people multiple times due to their illness/don’t automatically become better people when their negative actions are pointed out, especially when the character is shown to be in a neglectful home/recieving no treatment/is 16 (which is when a lot of us can start developing our more severe symptoms/cluster b pds really start showing up), are like. irredeemable/shitty people/don’t deserve sympathy. especially b/c a lot of cluster bs end up doing shitty things/hurting others without meaning to before we’re able to recognize what we’re dealing with, idk it’s just… hurtful for the narrative seen in media to be that we can never change and become better, even if we’re shown to want to (which blanche does at multiple points- i could go more into this/different points where he’s shown to regret what he did, want to change etc but i don’t want to make this even longer than it is hh)

and of course this doesn’t mean everyone had to make nice with him or that he’s perfect or even necessarily a good person, the narratives that people Can change/heal and aren’t inherently irredeemable and bad and the fact that people hurt By those people don’t have to forgive them, associate with them, be nice to them etc don’t contradict each other (especially b/c the mods Do kill blanche physically and kind of just go. whoops, our mistake, oh well)

and i want to end this with: again i don’t think this was intentional, and i can’t speak for the mental health of any of the writers, but as a cluster b reading that, it really felt as though the message of dailyaes was that people who fuck up and hurt others who aren’t instantly sorry and doing everything to fix it don’t deserve sympathy/can’t change, even if they do eventually try to change, and it really hurt to reread it (and honestly reading it a few years ago when i was a lot less in recovery contributed to my own internalized ableism, looking back)

i’m so sorry again how long this is!! i really hope i explained this well enough hh”

thank you again for bringing this up, and there are like.. three/kind of four key points that i’d like to explain here because these are relevant to what wound up happening and it does like... it does suck, waht wound up happening, and i’m sorry that that was the ending, i hope this can like... assuage some of that and assure that that isn’t the ending people who struggle with those issues deserve

the first is that uh.. blanche was conceptualized as a... kind of self insert at a time when i was struggling a lot with what it meant to be a person and more importantly a good person. that reading of his character (mentally ill & neglected) came explicitly from things i was unsure and in denial of, and low empathy/struggling to recognize others as individuals were they not immediately tangible was a large part of that. as a result, thsi character who i cast as a sort of inverted self insert (ie. encompassing what i felt was bad about me at the time) took on a lot of aspects of what you called internalized ableism which is. a really good term for it. i’d come out of an environment where i felt as if i was not stretching myself thin to help others then i was not being a good person, and blanche turned into a sort of representation of that. this does not like, excuse what ended up happening to blanche, but i hope it comes of some comfort to learn this did not come from a place of external hatred rather than genuine issues with myself. they still should not have made their way into being that kind of a representation of a character with those issues, and i’m sorry for that.

the second ties into why one of the mods ended up being cast out of the group altogether, which was being a shitty person all around, one facet of which was like. a Lot of hatred towards blanche. it’s not my place to speculate or speak as to why, but it was definitely a big part of why they got as shitty an ending and treatment as they did -- efforts at suggesting or even joking that blanche was not like. a  Bad Person were met with immediate shutting down and vitriol. that behavior wound up being part of why we cut ties with them, but it still worked its way into the final form that dA took, and for that i’m sorry. as much as it sucked we still became complicit in that, and we should not have been; we apologize for that.

the last thing i’d like to say here, and i hope it will give some hope for the future, is that, if i’m being honest, blanche’s story is an incomplete one. the since deleted third part (due to how heavily it was tied with the mods we disassociated ourselves with) provided some minor resolution, but still an ending that felt unsatisfying and incomplete. another mod and i are also working on a true third installment with the aim of proving blanche is capable and worthy of love and happiness and with a true and satisfying conclusion for their character, because the truth was those things you picked up on of regret and desire to change were like... real. i wanted to and tried to write blanche with that note of someone who is capable of apologizing and changing for the better, and the next part that we’re working on now will hopefully really show that and provide a resolution that doesn’t feel so cruel and hopeless.

thank you again for sending this, it isn’t like. rude or out of the realm of possibility at all, they were a mentally ill character who was treated unkindly by the story we told and we’re sorry for that. i hope this can provide some bit of reassurance and hope for the future, and this was a really great chance to reflect on shortcomings in our work and take stock of the effect it had. i don’t know how much this will mean but like... being past that point of young and neglected and feeling beyond help, that isn’t like.. how it is. your symptoms don’t make you evil or undeserving of happiness, and we truly are sorry for winding up with that reading of the work. i hope the actual final installment of this story, should you choose to follow it (which, of course, you do not have to -- it’s understandable if the work as a whole is spoiled) will reflect that

[ask-hunterxhunter]

How do you think the adult trio would have been had they a chance to grow up in a normal stable family? Are their behaviors (mostly) a product of nature or nurture?

This is actually a very good question. I honestly believe that, inmost cases, nurture wins against nature. I’ll try to give my analysis ofeach case. Now, I just read a little about psychology for fun (and because I loveit), I’m not an expert and this is how I see things. It doesn’t mean, at all,that I am right.

Hisoka

The whole fandom agrees that something happened to Hisoka and verylikely made him into what he is today, but how much of this is connectedto the present is anyone’s guess. I think I mentioned how I noticed that Machi thought that Hisoka doesn’t talk about the “past” (being specific about it) and how hedisplays a desire to be in control of his own life, to the point he doesn’t open up to people (which seems to be more related to his personality ratherthan lifestyle). Also, note that Hisoka is part of the main characters (not the core ones, but important enough) and yet, nothing about his past has everbeen shown or mentioned. Even with the Spiders we at least had a briefflashback of Chrollo and some explanation about the Meteor City, which can give us some ideas of how things were for those who grew up there. Heck, Togashi has told us the background of characters that are not as much part of the main plot.

With Hisoka? Nope, nada, zero. The guy may as well have fallen from thesky with his Nen activated and searching for an opponent.

It keeps going back to Hisoka’s past. Contrary to Pariston, whoseems to be a born sociopath (perhaps even a complete psychopath), this makes me think that something seems to have pushed Hisoka. Even we can’t besure of how much of what he has displayed is genuine or a façade that he keeps around others (we have rarely seen him by himself) or the levels of disordershe seems (or most certainly) has.

Is it all connected to his past? We have no means of knowing. Hehas an intense bloodthirst and is always seeking opponents. Hey, maybe he was into fighting since he was a child anyway. He seems uninterested in formingbonds with people. Has he been betrayed at some point? Has he experienced atraumatic loss? We don’t know.

However, I do think most (if not all of it) is connected tosome event, if only for how twisted Hisoka is. So, it follows that if his life hadbeen different, if he had had a safe and stable environment, he would not bethe same he is today.

Would he still be into fighting? Possibly. I, at least, find it hard to imagine Hisoka not into fighting, though he wouldn’t be that much of a sadist (even if it remained his “call”) and might have emotional bonds with others regardless of their strength (he wouldn’t judge people based on this). Depending on his “family” and other events, he might have been a man who would actually use his Nen in order to help others. 

Illumi

Definitely yes. No question about it. We just have to look at thewhole Zoldyck family and Illumi’s own behavior and words in several occasions.For crying out loud, Killua was chained and whipped when he returned home (itdoesn’t matter if he broke the chains and his pain tolerance is high, thegesture alone is disturbing by its very nature and the insight it gives us tothe workings of the Zoldyck as a family does not paint them in a positivelight). Besides, with Illumi being the eldest, it is very possible his trainingwas even more severe due to being only child for a while and future head of thefamily, until Silva and Kikyo decided Killua would be the better option.

Just for a note, see the rest of the Zoldyck children as well… Alluka hasbeen caged almost all her life (and later she asked Killua if everyone elsewould be happier if she was dead basically), Milluki is just as focused in the familygoals and wants to please/impress his parents (he once seemed afraid of hisfather. Respect is something, fear is another), while appearing to almost neverleave the mansion. Kalluto shares a few similarities with Illumi and is also asadist that enjoys prolonging a fight just for his own amusement… While the Zoldycksclaim to love each other and maybe do/believe so, we cannot look at them andsay they aren’t toxic people (except Killua and Alluka, who got to break thecycle and escape) or that those children are examples of a healthy upbringing.

Does it all connect to the family’s “teachings”? Yes. And the fact theyare assassins doesn’t excuse any of this. If Togashi wanted, he could have madethe Zoldycks to be as dangerous as they are while having a far more stable/lovingrelationship between each other. There is a reason why this isn’t the case.

Illumi reached a point when being… Well, the way he is, is already hisnature and for what we can see, it is entirely connected to his family and whathe has been taught or rather, molded into being. I don’t even think thereis any hope for him. If you take away the “teachings” and “assassin business”,there is nothing left in Illumi. Whoever he was or whoever he could have beenis lost forever, there is only this walking, breathing result of years of training.And we all got a glimpse that he may not be as stable as we came to believe…

If Killua hadn’t been strongenough to break away from them, he might end up the same or even worse than his“big brother”.

So, if his family was different, then he would have been different. Forone, his displays of “affection” would not be tainted by the obsession withcontrol and his love for his siblings would be genuine. Somecharacteristics of his might remain (since we know nothing of how he was orcould have been), but he would be a far more stable person and even if he wasto become an assassin, he would have more morals. He surely wouldn’t be againstKillua choosing another path in life (hell, he might even want somethingbetter for his little brother) or having friends.

 Chrollo

For some reason, I always feel that Chrollo ends up standing somewherebetween the extremes that Hisoka and Illumi represent and the same applieshere, though it is more about how (little) we know of Chrollo’s life and evenhis ending goals. It is more than we know regarding Hisoka, but not as much as we know of Illumi. While writing this, I found myself oscillating between “yes”and “no”. Out of the three of them, Chrollo at times ends up being the hardestto analyze depending on the subject…

Is Chrollo a born sociopath who is using the unfairness of society as anexcuse to achieve his own personal goals and act upon his own bloodthirst orhas this unfairness pushed him into taking what he considers a necessary attitudedue to lack of any other option?

I think, in the end, there is something seriously wrong withChrollo. The things he has done are far too extreme… Perhaps he is even moretwisted than Hisoka or Illumi.

We know he started the Phantom Troupe but while we can guess the main reasonsfor that, we have yet to actually hear them and also what Chrollo hopesto ultimately achieve with his actions (due to his behavior, it seems improbablehe doesn’t have anything like that and is truly “just” a thief. In a way, itseems to be that this is a means towards a bigger end). We know he came fromMeteor City… And what has been shown of it is pretty depressing. That is not aplace that seems to offer chances of a good life, being basically a “junkyard city”and people there don’t even have official records of existence. It is a way ofsaying they there are also unwanted trash. So, we can assume that Chrollo’slife has not been easy.  

 And with everything we know of Chrollo directly connected to the Spider, it’shard to dissociate one from the other. What has turned him into what he istoday exactly?

Like Hisoka and Illumi, Chrollo has no care for human beings and evensaid he sees no difference between them and a puppet but does care for theother members of the Spider. And when returning home, the Troupe faced theChimera Ants, so the city is also the only other thing that matters for them ina personal level. Regardless of the sort of place that is, it is their home.Other than that, we don’t know of Chrollo’s story, parents or childhood.All we have are our own ideas and the options are many.

Honestly, just living in the Meteor City is not quite enough explanationfor his whole behavior, though: Many people go through harsh lives, awful situations,abuse or torture (be emotional, physical or mental) and do not end up like him. Hell, from what we’ve seen, Leorio came from a poorbackground, saw his friend die (when he could have been saved, just to twistthe knife) and is actually the opposite of Chrollo, someone who wants to save lives.

I’m not saying the misery of living in the Meteor City played nopart in who Chrollo is, let alone dismissing how horrible it must have been!Poverty is hell. Having to chose between buying food and paying the bills,being unable to afford medicine, those are hell enough, imagine how it musthave been in a city like that then! And sometimes, people get to the limit whenthey see no way out but to go to an extreme that they wouldn’t go otherwise.

 What I mean here is that, for what Chrollo has displayed, there may verywell be something more that made him turn into someone who torturesothers with such lack of empathy or remorse. For all we know, he may haveexperienced a traumatic event or loss, perhaps not very different from Leorio’s.

I think most, if not all of the situation, end up related to the creationof the Spider but I’m unsure of how much of it is connected to Chrollo’s personality. Even people from a loving, stable and healthy environment can end up twisted and this is not the parents’ (or anyone’s) fault. You can searchin the lives for the trigger that made them into sadistic killers and you won’tfind anything. Some people are just born psychopaths.

With Illumi and Hisoka is easier to be sure due to the motivations they display, their own desires and attitudes and the information we have onthem. Chrollo’s motivations are intertwined with the Spider, so much that he hasstated that it and what it represents are above his own life. This last detailmakes it hard to consider he is using the Spider as an excuse for hisown goals, but… What if he is lying and manipulating the others? It’s not easyto tell.

Now, personally speaking, I think we need more information about him asa person and of his life before the creation of the Spider to be completelysure… Would he have been better if the circumstances of his life weredifferent? It is very possible. Would he have been a criminal anyway, if onlywith some differences? Also possible.

When he talks about the Spider, I lean towards the first option… But thereare some moments, such as when Gon asked him how he could kill people who havenothing to do with him and how Senritsu reacted to his heartbeat that make meseriously lean towards the second one…

[blake-wukong]

Rwby Zodiac Headcanon

Ruby-Scorpio

Weiss-Virgo (Possibly on the Leo-Virgo cusp, but still mainly Virgo)

Blake-Aquarius (Also possibly on the Capricorn-Aquarius cusp, but mainly an Aquarius)

Yang-Sagittarius

Now I haven’t decided on the others what their signs may be, I’ll decide later. For now let’s forcus on these girls.

Ruby Rose, Scorpio

Now you’re probably “What Ruby a Scorpio? She’s too nice & happy to be a Scorpio. Scorpios are emos. That’s Blake.” Well a Scorpio being gloomy & emo is actually a huge stearotype. People assume this because a Scorpio likes to keep their secrets which is true. But that’s the thing. They can hide their emotions & secrets SO WELL that you probably are gonna assume they have no secrets to hide. Scorpios are actually very nice & usually very energetic people. Ruby has shown to display this while helping Jaune with his issues in volume one & through the series. She clearly enjoys fighting monsters & gets very excited when meeting hunters/huntress. She is also resourceful, since multiple time when it comes to fights. Protective of course, she tried to save Penny & Pyrrha. Powerful both physically & mentally. By being mentally powerful means that you can stand strong through a lot of shit. Passionate about all the things she does; hunting monsters, planning parties, etc. One of her negatives is that she, like a Scorpio, is snobbish, stubborn, & lowkey HIGH key seeks revenge. When she first met Weiss they refuse to listen to each other & Ruby was in fact acting quite snobbish in a brat kind of way. Although not seen in the show, the manga definitely shows Ruby wanting to get revenge on Cardin. That’s a thing about Scorpios, those who did them wrong are always on their mind & Scorpios seek revenge against them. They may not show it, but they’re sure as hell thinking about it. Never underestimate a Scorpio. (& a lot of people underestimate her.) As for the emotions. Ruby never talks about how she’s feeling. EVER. She only did it once & that was in front of Oscar & even then it just so little information. It takes a long time for them to open up & when they do, they make it seem like you know exactly what their going through. Surprise bitch. You don’t. Especially since Scorpios can be optimistic as hell so you can never tell what they really thinking or feeling.

Weiss Schnee, Virgo

“Wow so typical. Why is it cause she seeks perfection?” Well yes & no. That is not the only reason why Weiss is a Virgo. It’s funny how people think Virgo seeks perfection & that’s it. But there is so much more to Weiss & Virgos. It’s true at first glance Weiss may seek perfection, but it’s more. When meeting a Virgo/Weiss they may seem boring due to the fact they are everything “good.” Weiss is punctual, she wants to be on time. She is hard working, at home she practices her summoning skills & at school she does her studies, practices with dust & her semblance, etc. She is shown to be responsible, & self disciplined. When making mistakes she owns up to them & apologizes. Organized, check. Analytical? Yup. She analyzes people very well. Blake is an example. Yes Weiss is well aware that Blake is quite & moody but when she was stress, Weiss was the one that called out her behavior. When she was talking with Yang, she admits that she knew what her father really wanted from her mother, she even called out everybody at the party because she knew nobody cared about the other kingdoms. Weiss, like Virgos, is also very wise & very sensitive. This sensitiveity is actually a strength since they can feel, they can understand how others feel & it helps them become wiser & help others with their problems. It’s true that at first Weiss, like Virgos, is indifferent towards others & their feelings. But as she opens up, she is actually quite sympathetic. This example would be with Yang when they were talking about Blake running away & how it hurt Yang. They can also be anxious, Weiss feeling anxious about her dad & how her sister feels. They can be selective, Weiss wondering which napkin to pick. Indifferent, Weiss is known to be cold. Weiss is also logical, choosing facts over emotions. Now over the past. This is shown when she said she doesn’t care if Blake was part of the WF as long as she isn’t anymore. As for her probably being a Leo? Well I believe she is on the Cusp, but mainly on the Virgo said. The only reasons why she might be a Leo is because she wanted to be the leader & how she was referenced to being a daddy’s girl when she really wasn’t.

Blake Belladonna, Aquarius

Ok so here’s why Blake is an Aquarius & possibly a Capricorn-Aquarius cusp. So the only thing that I can think of that is Capricorn about her is how she acts in the beginning. Earth signs, (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) can be so rude, mean & quiet. So yea Blake was like that with Weiss, but after a while usually a week an Aquarius is super open & friendly. Capricorns aren’t though, it takes them a while. So the opening up part, especially since it took Blake three volumes to finally show some facial expressions. But she mostly shows signs of being Aquarius. Out of all the zodiac, Aquarius is known for being the most rebellious. They go against the flow. A lot of people see Blake as the rebel since half of the faunus fight for superiority & the other half chose not to fight at all. Blake seems like to be the only to fight for equality & peace in the most peaceful way. Speaking of which, Aquarius are also known for being the “one of a kind, limited edition, one in a million,” type of person. She is the only Faunus that we know who chose to hid who she is, is the only Faunus in her team, & is the main one who wants to fight for equality in the peaceful way. Sure there’s her dad, but before him it was just Blake. She’s also very faithful about her cause & Ilia. She believes her cause & her way of protest will help the Faunus & when it came to Ilia she believe she could changed her & she did. According to the zodiac, Aquarius are very creative. I can’t think of moment were she created something. I guess when she created the fire to see that was smart. But that was more resourceful than creative. She’s definitely idealistic, believing in peace & all that. A negative is that Aquarius are detached. “Detached from what?” From their emotions. Most air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) are very detached. We don’t ever see Blake mention emotions. She’s felt scared, she mentions that she loves her friends, but that’s it. Yes Aquarius are detached but that doesn’t mean they don’t know what emotions they have every once in a while. She didn’t know how to talk to her dad, she describes Adam as passion not love, describes RWY as words not emotions. So it’s not an easy topic for Blake to talk about when it comes to emotions. I should also mention thag Aquarius due know how to keep their cool & appear emotionless upon first meeting. They are also very intelligent; she knew who Weiss was, very political, etc. Can be capricious which is seen all over in volume 4 & 5. She can be difficult to manage sometimes, at least trying to understand. Also very independent considering she was able to take care of herself away from home, with Adam, & at the Beacon.

Yang Xaio Long, Sagittarius

Ok I can talk about this for hours. Let’s start off with the basics. First off she’s a fire sign. Which means she has a hot temper, confident, full of action & fun. Yang is actually very honest, Blake had to smack her to remind her she needs a fliter. “It’s not a shirt & tie kind of place.” “Yea, we notice.” Athletic. Technically speaking, she does work out to become a better fighter. She is straight-forward & like Virgo, Sagittarius can be very wise. This is seen when Yang helps Blake get herself together im volume 2. Laid back. Although Yang does have a temper, she’s also very relaxed & is a very much cool person. Logical. She knows when to focus on mission & when Weiss & Ruby were having issues the best logical thing to do is to start over maybe. Confidence. She knows she’s not the best, but she knows she’s good enough to pass her classes with flying colors. Good humored. Personally I dislike puns, but some people like them. It’s a good trait to have really. She is also optimistic, always looking into the good. This isn’t always present. But in Weiss-Xiao-Long’s FreezerBurn post, Yang does wqnt to be mad at Blake but her open-mindedness is telling her to understand her. I’m pretty Weiss did slightly help Yang be optimistic again. Sagittarius people love to travel & explore. Yang’s goal was to explore the world & wants to go with the flow, becoming a huntress to defend herself & help people along the way. Commitment issues. Sagittarius don’t like being in a relationship cause they don’t want to be held back & they also fear being hurt & tend fl built walls around themselves. This is shown when Yang doesn’t like getting close to people because of her abandonment issues. At certain times she can tactless & reckless; such as blindly going up against Adam & almost getting to a fight with Raven & her whole damn tribe. She’s not impassive although sometimes it is hard to tell what emotions she feelings towards certain things. When she was speaking with Raven in the tent with Weiss, Yang was acting arrogant, but in reality she really was listening. I just don’t see any other sign that suits her. There is Leo, but I guess that would only make sense with her basic stuff (hot headed, confident, action & fun) & Leos care about how they look. Yang cares about her hair. So that’s the only reason why she could be a Leo, but I mostly see her as a Sagittarius.

Well that’s pretty much what I have for now. I’m open for discussion & excuse the bad grammar. I was too lazy to pre check. Also keep in mind I only looked into their Sun Sign not their Moon, Rising, Venus, or Mars Sign. I might check later.

[fly-sky-high-09]

My own two bits on the whole discourse about recent events in boku no hero manga... long post incoming

Firstly, y’all need to chill (and honestly stop attacking mangaka for shit you just want to be social justice warriors about, stop it *bats with newspapers* now)

No where, and I do mean no where (since I just binge read this whole thing) was shown that Todoroki family forgive Endeavor or excuse his past behavior.

Second, what you all need to understand is that relationships, abusive or not, are not so fucking simple. You need to realize personal experiences and various events that time throws at characters makes them take different actions (because woah holy shit nothing stays still and the same, things change, what a concept, right?)

1. This isn’t a redemption arc for Endeavor. Nothing will redeem his actions. Nothing will change what he did to his wife and kids for a goal that is now gone. This is about him for reasons Hawks mentions, the fact that he IS now number one, that all hope people have lay on his shoulder now and not Allmight’s any more. His goal was to be number one or secure his offspring to be powerful. He is now number one but not through his plan of being a damn hothead egomaniac but actually because people NEED him. He now has to act for others, again, just like Hawks said. And he did. Not hard to understand. (Thanks Villy for pointing this out)

2. Him sending flowers to his mentally sick wife is not him asking for forgiveness. It’s showing he cares but knowing he can’t fix anything, it’s why he respects the boundaries and doesn’t disturb her. He just wants her to know he’s changing to a more understanding person but also knowing the damage was already done. So relax, she’s not gonna go running into his arms like nothing happened. As she said, she is mentally scarred and can’t see him nor is it a good idea. And he understands. However, he had a chance to approach Shouto. He tried. Shouto gave him a cold shoulder. Endeavor didn’t pursue further. He then just shown support from afar because Shouto really doesn’t need him.

3. His kids obviously hold a grudge still and with a reason. Again, don’t worry, it’s like they will just suddenly forget about it. Forgiving is another thing and that will fully depend on them. Please remember that not all abusive relationships and standpoints are the same. I’m not saying they should forgive him, heck no... he honestly doesn’t deserve it, in my opinion. He also doesn’t deserve to be killed. Jail... yeah maybe if setting wasn’t the way it is. Also story telling factor. Why do you all keep forgetting this is fiction...

4. Speaking of fiction as a factor here, please realize the issue is not about Horikoshi presenting characters unrealistically if they were part of abuse but that the only unrealistic thing about this is abuser changing for better (big thanks to Doomsy who also has an abusive father for insight on all of this matter really, it helps me, and hopefully you, understand things a little better). Story wise, we honestly don’t need a character who isn’t even a true villain (but would count as antagonist at first) but just a grumpy dumb narcissistic father to stick around in the story, it’s fucking pointless. We all know in real life things don’t work out that way or that simply. Keeping that aspect of Endeavor in the story leads nowhere and actually giving him a chance to change for better is a good opportunity for the current events in the story and even character development, even for Shouto and not just the persistent flame dad. As said above, his selfish goal was reached by means he didn’t want and realized how there are more things than just being the fucking best and having a cool kid to be the best too. What IS realistic is for people to have their viewpoints completely changed by simple events. It’s what happened to him. The reason it’s positive is because it’s more interesting than just forgetting an actual important side character and not giving him a chance to grow at all. It’s okay, you don’t have to care but some readers might, please be insightful about it.

5. Abused don’t have to necessarily hate abusers. Hating a lot of aspects about the person that abuses you is what normally happens. People can still love the said person even if they were abused by them. Surprisingly for you, tumblr folks, nothing is that simple. No person is JUST evil. I met a lot of people who do abuse my friends but were pretty chill and understanding with me. I don’t excuse their actions because of that, I just know it’s not that fucking simple (and this might not be the best example but you get the gist of not everything is so black and white). They have their own reasons, even good ones sometimes but approach it with such horrible ways and manner it results with abuse. But it’s so much easier to label someone, huh? Too bad, life doesn’t function that way. Shouto shown he still cares for his father. I thought you fans would know what a kind kid he is and how understanding he is too. He would never want his father dead. He doesn’t forgive and forget the abuse but he doesn’t want his father gone for good and forever because of it. He just wants to grow without him around and that is the most fair thing all abused people want. Just to be happy and grow, not think about hate because it’s fucking pointless and brings unhappiness.

6.... no, got nothing more, just me wondering why everyone is so hateful and against positive growth of a fictional character. Are you all really that certain absolutely no one, even in real life, doesn’t deserve to change for better but you prefer to have them being terrible and bring more equally stupid decisions as before? And again, for a character that’s not even a villain but an important side hero character? What the hell man...

7-10. Fucking leave Horikoshi alone. Leave any producer or creator alone you fucking cowards. Attacking on such level is going off the hook and you all need to control yourselves a little more fitting to your statements that are apparently of a grown person like you claim to be. Don’t be a fucking child over FICTION. Don’t read or watch a thing, just don’t support it and leave it alone if it bugs you so much. Literally get bent to have fun and not be hateful little shitheads, we, the folks who just want to enjoy something, would greatly appreciate if you did that. Thank you.

[colorofinsanity]

Sandalwood

Maybe trigger warning, themes of PTSD. 

“Come now, Systina.” the faerie purred. “You and I were made for each other! Together we could propel our kingdoms into further greatness.” His grip tightened on her wrist, a small action that kept Morgan pinned and betrayed his kind smile and soft speech.

“I don’t need your greatness.” Morgan retorted, trying to twist out of his grasp. “And if you continue to annoy me, I might do something violent…”

A taunting expression appeared on the faerie’s face. He took pleasure in Morgan’s obvious discomfort, though was unheeding of the steel in her eye and the venom in her threat. He pulled her wrist, forcing her to lean closer to him, nearly unbalancing her from her seat.

“Don’t be rude, Systina. You wouldn’t dare to defy a god, would you? Especially when he’s been so kind as to offer a place at his side…”

Morgan scoffed, a flash of anger riling up. It took much of her dwindling willpower not to strike at the faerie. Violence was forbidden at this convention of fae monarchs. Morgan, personally, did not want to offend the King that hosted them, as she held great respect for him.

The faerie before her, though, was undeserving of any sort of that respect.

“I am just as much a god as you.” Morgan hissed, rising from her seat to tower over her tormentor. “Do you claim the Vanir lesser than the Tuatha? Or do you only claim I am lesser than you?”

Morgan’s wrist became hot as iron, burning the faerie’s hand with dragon fire. He recoiled out of his stool, releasing her with a suppressed yelp.

The faerie’s behavior was one thing; an enormous thing, to be sure, but it was his perfume that really set Morgan off. She was overly sensitive to such smells to begin with, but the sickening sweetness of it filled her sinuses, recalling unwanted memories of blinding light and burning cold.

“Why you-” growled the offending faerie. He raised an arm as if to strike her. Blue flames crackled at Morgan’s fingertips. No one had noticed yet, but it seemed the convention was quickly spiraling into chaos.

“Is there a problem?” asked a deep, level voice that was welcome to Morgan’s ears. A knight serving under their host inserted himself between Morgan and the faerie, a six by four wall of black armor and intimidation. Even better, it was a knight Morgan knew.

“It seems your company is unwelcome,” the knight continued, “It would bring my lord great pain if Lady Systina was distressed.”

The faerie glowered. For all his entitlement, he seemed unwilling to defy the knight, and by proxy their host.

“This isn’t over, Systina.” the faerie threatened over his shoulder, turning away and taking his leave.

Given the moment to think, Morgan took a shuddering breath. Her hands were shaking, she realized. She pushed her hair out of her face, trying to regain a modicum of calm.

“I… ah, thank you, Sable.” She spoke to the knight, trying to force her voice to be clear and level. It didn’t work.

“Are you alright, Milady?” Sable asked, turning to her. “I did not think it characteristic of you to lose composure so easily.”

“Oh. Yes, I am… I’m just… useless with this sort of thing.” Morgan gestured vaguely. “I can handle all the usual flirting, but taken to this level…” She gave a short mirthless laugh. “It brings, ah, bad memories…”

A mixed look of sympathy and disgust crossed Sable’s face.

“I see. Then I will not pry, Milady. But tell me. Who is that faerie? I will report him to my master. I assure you, he will not tolerate this harassment.”

“The idiot thing is,” Morgan sighed, “that bastard hasn’t had the decency to give me his name. But then, if he did, I would curse him blind. I know he is of the Tuatha de Dannan, if that helps at all.”

“...Yes. That helps.” Sable spoke slowly, committing the faerie’s face to memory. Such an amoral creature had no place in the world his master meant to build.

A silence passed between them. Morgan did not notice it as much, preoccupied by the jagged thought and memories she tried to avoid. She crossed her arms in an attempt to still her shaking hands. A hissing hatred seethed in her chest.

“Fae like him are no better than the humans we abandoned.” she hissed to herself. Sable gave a slight nod, almost in agreement.

“I… hah… sorry.” Morgan said, shaking herself back to reality. “Thank you, Sable. Truly. I might have done something incredibly inconvenient if you hadn’t shown up.”

The perfume of the faerie still lingered. It was making her dizzy. She had to leave. For her own sanity, at least.

“Think nothing of it, milady.” Sable nodded. “I am only carrying out my duties.”

The silence between them dragged out long enough to be awkward. Just as Morgan was about to make her excuses to leave, she heard a clatter of heeled shoes. Looking past Sable’s shoulder, Morgan met the gaze of Mahri, a retainer of hers. An unconscious sigh of relief fluttered in her chest.

Mahri swayed through the crowd with a self-satisfied smirk resting on her face. She managed to look like she owned the place, despite definitely being the youngest faerie present. However, as she neared Morgan, her cocky expression melted off her face as it became clear how uncomfortable Morgan was. Mahri’s pace quickened toward her.

Morgan took the few steps around Sable to meet her.

“Ah, Mahri.” she greeted in a half-baked facade of normalcy. She got unexpectedly close to Mahri, taking her arm as though she were some kind of gentleman. Mahri was taken totally aback, unused to such familiar treatment.

“Master? What’s wrong?” Mahri asked, flashing a dirty look at Sable.

“No, it’s not him, Firebird. Just… stay close, please.”Morgan begged softly.

Sable took a moment to observe Mahri.

“If you find yourself in good company, Lady Systina, then I shall take my leave.”

“Yes.” Morgan nodded. “Thank you, Sable.”

With a small bow of his head, Sable disappeared into the dense crowd.

Mahri, usually, would have tracked him as he left, but she was distracted by the faerie at her side.

“Master, you are trembling.” Mahri made the observation bluntly, unable to quite process what she was seeing. Morgan was folded in on herself, her posture small and hidden. Her hands gripped Mahri’s forearm, their bodies mere inches apart.

Mahri didn’t recognize the emotion in her chest nor the expression on her face. She was such a young flame, but already she missed the days when lust and pride were the only things she needed to understand. But today, Morgan needed someone by her side, and Mahri was the only one available.

Mahri, with no small amount of hesitance, pulled Morgan nearer to her. Their arms linked, Mahri played the role of escort, taking Morgan from the crowd with all the great dignity she could muster.

Morgan felt dizzy, unsteady on her feet, the memory of the smell of his perfume enough to make her ill. Mahri, the flare of dragonfire she was, smelled near obnoxiously of ozone, which is why Morgan couldn’t seem to get close enough. The smell of fire burned her lungs and sinuses, purging them of the ghosts of cologne. Mahri’s fire was the smell of home, of her kin and of comfort. It scorched away all else.

Mahri guided Morgan from the crowd, out of the hall and into the gardens. The cool night wind also did a great deal to chase away the offending scent.

They walked a ways down the path, until the sounds of the gathered fae faded. It was here that Mahri stopped, needing answers and explanations. Anything to relive the damned heaviness in her chest.

“Master.” she began strongly, but a soon as the address was out, hesitance creeped in by way of the rock in her chest. “Master, please....” she tried again, the word unfamiliar to her. It stung her tongue. “Tell me what is wrong.”

Morgan’s shoulders were slumped in, her spine curved forward. Her hair covered her face, but Mahri could still see Morgan’s glassy and unfocused gaze. Mahri wanted to shake her, but… something told her that wouldn’t help.

Somewhere, in the back of Morgan’s mind, she knew she was shut down. She knew she should come back to reality, that Mahri was worried about her, that she was acting strange…

But she couldn’t just turn back on. She wished she could. How could she be brought so low, by someone so insignificant? How could someone so easily bring her back to those white rooms and cold touches? To that smell that heralded the coming of her torturer…

It was cold out here. Morgan loved the cold. The night air. It was too cold. So cold it burned. It blistered and blackened and-

Mahri had pulled away from Morgan and held her at arm’s reach, but with a yelp Morgan closed the gap between them, her fingers digging into both Mahri’s arms.

Mahri stumbled back at the sudden burst of sound and panicked movement, shock written across her face. She regained her balance, gingerly holding Morgan without making too much contact.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Morgan muttered. “Bad dreams, bad memories. Sorry. Sorry, I…”

With a shaky breath, Morgan pulled back. Mahri released her, but didn’t allow her to stray too far. Now Morgan had scared her.

“I… ha… sorry…” Morgan pushed her hair out of her face with shaking hands. It was not lost on her what effect her episode was having on her poor vassel. She had never been exposed to this side of Morgan, and Morgan would have preferred if she had never found out.

“Sorry, sorry.” Morgan mumbled again. She wanted to back away further, but at the same time couldn’t bear the thought. For now, Mahri’s ozone and warmth were the only anchors she had to reality. She didn’t want to part from that, and she especially didn’t want anyone inside to see this. To see what wounds the Queen Systina bore.

“Sorry.” Morgan said once more, gaining more of a handle on herself. She could feel Mahri’s distress growing, and immediately felt the need to put her at ease.

“I’m… I’m okay now.” Morgan said. It was a lie, but… “I’ll be okay. I just… I need a minute.”

“Master, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” Mahri’s voice was level, her face was less so. “Are you ill? Should I find Lord Vath?”

“Yes… or…” Yes, Vath knew better how to handle Morgan’s episodes. However, if Mahri was sent to find him, Morgan would be left on her own. “No, no, just… ah… can you… walk me to our room? Then look for him.”

Morgan swallowed hard, unwilling to make eye contact with Mahri.

“I, uh… I shouldn’t be left alone.” she went on. “I’m sorry, Firebird, I just… I can’t talk about it. Not now. I… I’ll explain later. I promise.”

Mahri sighed, trying to force the weight in her chest to dispel in that breath. Her master had given her an order. That she could deal with.

Mahri laced Morgan’s arm though hers, carrying all the dignity that Systina’s escort ought to have.

“Then let us go, my Queen.”

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 108 Review

Survey Corps may have their own problems at Paradis Island, but that won’t stop a war coming for them. Ever since they returned home, nothing has been sunshine and rainbow. Only depression and misery. Eren appeared to no longer care about his friends. Historia is pregnant for reason unknown. Everyone else is falling apart. Is there a solution to this mess? This chapter presented answers to many questions with a couple of interesting setup for certain characters, and a sign of a next grand chaotic battle.

There’s nothing more disgusting than a dinner with nothing but disgusting people. The only exception is Nile, Erwin’s old friend. He’s practically the only sane and good person in that table as the rest are celebrating for their accomplishment for apprehending Yelena and others. For the record, I still like Commander Pixis despite his action. It’s only because politics forced him to do the dirty work. Despite them enjoying Marley branded drinks, they don’t take people as friendly. That’s racist.

Their reason to backstab Zeke and others is because they don’t trust the fact he can use mind control or alter their memories. On one hand, it would have been seen reasonable, knowing Zeke still has a bad reputation with Paradis Island. On the other hand, Zeke’s group and Survey Corps built a trust for a while, so why start now. Even Nile doesn’t think like them, showing how selfless he is in compare. In short, the politic is still crappy as ever.

The revelation of Historia’s status begins to surface when Roeg spouts out their true plan. They intended to have Zeke makes his return and by surprise, a titan that would have been Historia comes in to eat him, so she can inherit the Beast Titan. They don’t plan to wait until Zeke is ready to pass down; bunch of assholes. It turns out her pregnancy isn’t part of their plan, rather a move to prevent them to use that plan. Kind of sad if the case is forced pregnancy. If being racist isn’t bad enough, the douchebag only saw her as a low-life girl with a name Queen attached. That’s sexist.

For pairing fans or fans in general who desperately wants to know the father, the answer is here. It’s some guy from the past who bullied Historia by throwing rock at her; maybe asking for attention. Around the present time, he worked at her orphanage to redeem himself. From there on, they got together. Unless you’re like my friend, that’s how the story was told; you might as well move on. Unless NTR is really poisonous to you.

The real problem for the douchebags isn’t the love story, but the timing of her pregnancy. She cannot be turn into a titan without any damage effect while carrying a child. To them, it’s fine for her to carry one, but the timing is too coincidence. Basically, they have an idea that someone hidden told Historia that she’s about to be used for their plan, so to prevent that, she and the guy did their thing. Now, she is pregnant. Perhaps that’s why she doesn’t look so happy for she is treated like a tool; leaving her no room to make her own decision. It also explains why the guy doesn’t sound cruel or anything. He cares about her.

The hidden person is said to be Yelena because according to their logic, Marleyan plus Zeke’s right hand person equal the mastermind. They have no proof, but they believe so since it stopped Zeke’s demise. It’s not confirmed who the culprit is, so we got something to think over. Although Historia is pregnant, Roeg is like, “The hell with it! Let’s make her into a titan.” Nile, the reasonable man, warns him that the side effect can be dire to the child or her. Good to see him again. Roeg practically ends the argument by stating nation over people. Why I am not surprised?

Basically, Historia’s pregnancy is planned to prevent the backstab plan, not that the politic forced her to do so. Even so, she’s still forced to be pregnant under different circumstance. That’s just sad. The dinner table scene pretty much clarified that those guys are still bunch of craps. They have the courtesy to obtain some Marleyans to be their butler; more like slaves than anything. Even poor Nicolo is dragged into this mess; still broken over Sasha. It would be fantastic if the drink is poisoned, though that would mean Zeke did hide something. I don’t mind though…

The scene with the Survey Corps in the room is discomforting and concerning. The first page set the tone of unsettling feeling about the whole fiasco. It’s clear the effect of Sasha’s death is still looming around them. Now that they know what happened to Yelena and others, it’s like everything keeps falling apart for them. The first flashback was a sign of hope and carefree; now, it’s just growing dreary.

It gets worse when Jean raise a concern with Eren and his possible backstabbing plan. He starts to question if Eren is working with Zeke behind their back, especially since Zeke did say his plan at Marley provided great results. Supposedly, they did talk before, yet no one knows the content. After the last chapter, it’s hard to understand Eren’s intention or attitude.

What’s startling is Connie. It’s clear that Sasha’s death affected him greatly. His glare to the window is telling how much he can’t take this anymore. It got to the point that he will show no remorse if Eren is a traitor. Even with Mikasa trying to stop him, he doesn’t hold back his anger; unusually shows dominance in his stand. Mikasa is trying to keep hopeful about Eren, but she is struggling to keep it up. This whole corps is slowly falling apart.

There’s another flashback scene; this time is them working together on building a railroad track as they’re waiting for the response. Isayama really like pulling this stunt with Sasha still around; almost feel like he regretted killing her off. Seriously, it’s a nice scene with them working together like a family. It’s amusing to see how everyone acted their ways, including Sasha hogging all the water and Mikasa carrying woods with ease.

They waited to see if Hiruzu can start an international relation with the rest of the world using the connection to Paradis Island as well as the human rights. Hange and Levi returned to deliver the news; it’s no good. It’s because Hiruzu is a greedy nation that refused to share the resources of Paradis Island with others. I knew that drool scene was a terrible sign. Greedy bi---. Excuse me. The human rights failed as well since nations only saw the group as eccentrics with no one willing to support the cause. Lastly, they saw Paradis Island as a convenient source of trouble, so to keep them united and stable, they will leave it as it is. What a crappy world.

I felt bad for them since they did hope, even if it’s little, that they can start a peace rally and not resort to the flattening the world plan. It sucks for Armin since he would have love everyone to stop fighting and not resort to become the world’s enemy. I got to credit Hange for trying to uplift the corps’ spirit. She nailed it on what made them special in the first place; investigate the unknown. I don’t know if there will be a flashback with them confronting the political world, but it could be the turning point for Eren’s transformation.

Probably my favorite scene of the chapter is the train ride. It’s not plot heavy, but it’s filled with charming and lighthearted moments from the characters. It’s amusing that while heading towards to their mission, they speak about what they should try and take from outside the walls’ resources. They’re hanging out like the good old times. It’s a shame that Zeke’s time is basically their time limit since he’s the source of the plan. They’re pressured to take it or doomed themselves. It comes down to the next question: who will inherit the titan after Eren?

This is the best part in my opinion. Mikasa wanted to take it, but Jean told her many drawbacks that prevent her to become it, including being an Ackerman. Imagine her as a titan though. She will be godly. Jean insisted for he felt that he will handle it with care; obviously taking a shot at Eren’s reckless behavior. Connie disagreed for they don’t want an “awesome” commander to be on a death clock. How nice. He insisted to take it, but Sasha disagreed because he is stupid. Why she had to die again? She wanted to, but Connie snapped back by calling her out on her contradiction. Nice comeback.

This got me laughing, but more importantly, awed by their friendships. What sealed it surprisingly is Eren’s thoughts. He doesn’t want anyone to inherit it, rather prefer for them to live long. It somewhat suggested that he will die and probably end the cycle. I don’t know if it works that way. The point is he cherished his friends. It’s funny how Eren actually blushed, which made the moment more awkward than it already is. Armin said it’s because of the color from the setting sun that made everyone seems blushing, which it did. I believe Eren did genuinely blush, but if not, his words still hold great value. It begs the question: why is he acting so different now.

Mikasa is standing by Eren’s side and claims that he’s still with them and have no intention to discard his friends like fodders. Jean, on the other hand, press on the doubtfulness on Eren’s trust and the disaster could have been avoided, let alone Sasha’s death. It’s a bit of a stretch to say Eren believed in everyone to fulfill the mission. That’s such a reckless and risky move altogether. That said I can oddly believe in Mikasa’s words, because Eren has shown great concerns of his friends. Then the bomb is dropped by none other than Connie.

Mikasa and Armin didn’t see Eren’s reaction to Sasha’s death, but we the fans did. Last time we saw him, he looked guilty and upset. However, Connie said he laughed, and Jean backs this up. I don’t know if the panel shot of Eren’s reaction is considered laughing, but if it’s true, I don’t know what to say. It must have happened after that said panel. That said it’s strange, considering we just saw him reacting like a caring man losing a friend. What is going on here?

Armin, the peacemaker of the group, calms the atmosphere and reassure everyone that Eren can negate Zeke’s ability. If that wasn’t the case, this series would end dark. However, if Zeke roams around with army of titans attacking everyone, then Eren isn’t negating the effect; thus, he’s with him. That is a logical explanation; always count on Armin to bring balance. What I didn’t expect is his solution to the problem.

Armin usually handle the problem in the most peaceful manner possible, especially with Eren involved. After that trip, he won’t hold back. It is fine to go and ask Eren about his agenda, and that would be the end of it. But Armin takes one step further. If he’s with Zeke, Armin suggests one to take the Titanization formula and eat Eren. Wow. What the hell?

I get that it’s a logical approach for safety measure, but this is his best friend we’re talking about. Even Mikasa is caught by surprise that he would suggest something like that. After going through the flashback, the irony couldn’t be any crazier. I don’t think it will come down to it, but I am seriously curious on Eren’s positon. This can be the final nail to the coffin (no pun intended?), the point of no return. Hopefully, the issue will be solved in the next chapter.

This chapter shifts the scene to where Falco and Gabi are located at; taking a small break. I know the fans despise Gabi tremendously, but I do like how Isayama is handling the case of a lost brainwashed child with a small sign of intellect. She is similar to Eren from the first chapter, but instead of striving to survive to kill all enemies, she is a lost cause. Falco, on the other hand, is more “free” to make choices of his own. When Gabi tells him to do whatever he pleases, he takes out her armband of Marley. It come across like a smartass remark, but he is trying to help her.

She reacts badly, like an obsessed person who don’t want the collection to be touched. I can’t fault her so much because it’s pretty abundant that she is like Reiner back in the day. The words she spouting is what a trained brainwashed warrior would say; willing to die by the name of the country. It's a bit sad to be honest. I also can’t fault her since she does prefer Falco to live and not go in her way to death. You got to respect her to be thoughtful at least, rather than “I hate everybody! Die!”

A girl appears in the forest, asking them what they’re up to. I heard the girl is the same one that Sasha rescued a long time ago. I don’t know if it is her, but if so, well, the detail is nice yet eerie. Another example of brainwashed Gabi is when she was preparing to kill her with a rock. It’s only a harmless girl, yet she’s willing to kill her. Thankfully, the suspense ends with no one getting hurt; only now Gabi and Falco are invited to her place. I wonder if it’s where Historia is at. This should be interesting.

The chapter closes with the aftermath of Marley; reminding how bad the damage was. Pretty grim to see a child with missing limbs. Surprisingly, Magath found out that Zeke has faked his death and allied with their enemy. He should have died first to avoid this smart observation. Actually, the credit can go to Pieck as well. She theorized that Zeke has planned this for four years, which is true, and used collaborators from inside the Marleyan Army, which is also true. Damn, she’s good. It also helps that the 3D Manoeuver Gear was upgraded with their own technology. So much for dumb villains’ syndrome.

Just before the hype to strike back was about to begin, Magath orders everyone that they will take the war back at Paradis Island in about half a year. Thank God for the power of time-skip. That said although bringing all countries’ army together sound pretty intimidating, that would leave Falco and Gabi alone. God speed is what I would say. Thankfully, I think, Reiner objects this plan, because he wants the hype rolling.

Seriously, either he’s smart or suicidal, he wants to attack them now. He believes Zeke is expecting them to attack later on, not immediately. If they do the opposite, it may corrupt his plan altogether. Reiner doesn’t want to wait; he wants to surprise attack. This is an interesting endpoint. Reiner seems to have reignited his spirit; probably because of Falco and Gabi, since he did call them his reason to live. He probably wants to attack now to save them and maybe along the way, take everyone down. I would joke and think he wants to die quicker this way, but really, I am glad to see him in firing spirit.

This was a pretty interesting setup chapter. There was a good amount of new answers and questions (of course), with plenty of moments to look forward to, including Eren’s agenda. If anything, this chapter set up plenty of point of no return. The series is good at changing your view with each chapter. I don’t know what to make of Eren but hopefully, it’s a misunderstanding. I don’t think the heated action will ensue next, but it has planted that seed. When the time comes, hell will break loose. It’s this series’ nature.

[its-bootyfullll]

Seungbae past ?

Hello KS fandom, I’m here to provides a little thingy about the scene between Seungbae and Bum and with that butterfly of the last chapter because I find it interesting ! So everything starts with Bum being disposed in the interrogation room. It’s interesting to point out how the officer is asking if Bum have eaten as if he was trying to be well mannered and respectful of Bum. But then in the next panel we get this :

We can see AND feel how Bum is still extremly uncomfortable. It might be a metaphor about how Bum is passive, he undergoes the situation alone.

Then it’s Seungbae’s turn to enter the room. He’s pensive.

Extremely pensive. It’s a win or lose everything situation.

It seems he’s remembering something and feels hurt. Hesitations about what he’s about to do or to say but he’s determined to do it anyway.

Then he enters the room. Sits down and explained to Bum that Sangwoo confessed, that he said everything about Min Jieun’s murder. That Sangwoo betrayed Bum. Betrayed for a murder that was orchestred by Sangwoo BUT realized by Bum under pression and psychotraumatic emotions. But the thing that’s interesting is that just after Seungbae continues with :

« I know… It’s ridiculous, isn’t it ? »

What ?! What does he mean if Sangwoo confessed that Bum is the killer, why would he says something like that ? Because Bum is actually the real killer. If Sangwoo was saying the truth why would the officers doubt about it ? The only answer is because they do think that Sangwoo is the murderer which means that Sangwoo never says anything. They need Bum’s confession to get something against Sangwoo. Or at least this is what I think.

Let’s keep going, after Seungbae finished his explanation, he starts talking not as an officer but as a victim himself. And by doing so he reached and gently touch Bum’s hand in a comforting way, for reassurance between two men that were abused.

But soon after he lets go. Why ? Probably because from now one we won’t get the truth, the real story.

Then he starts to share it. And his story is interesting.

His father was killed. Murdered. By someone that Seungbae’s father and He himself knew. Seungbae buy him a present with his own paychecks to allow his father to have a hobby, some time for himself. This was the first present from his son, a golf club. It was a cheap golf club, but the emotional value was up above any expensive gifts. Sadly his father injured his back and wasn't able to play anymore. Then Seungbae’s father lend his precious golf club to the neighbor.

Until there his story is okay, everything is normal. Troubles starts when that so-called « neighbor » never returned back the golf club.

Seungbae « became angry » with the « neighbor », but his behavior was disapprouved by his father. So he got angry at his father too. Seungbae worked hard for this gift so why would his father doesn't take care for it ?

He goes away.

The last time that Seungbae saw his father was during this argument.

After this explaination we get to see Seungbae running into the « neighbor » in front of his car. Yes, his car, the location seems important to me.

Seungbae confront the « neighbor » about the golf club. His expression reveals anger and probably hatred towards this person.

 The next panel shows Seungbae arms reaching to get the present back but he was stopped into his action. Stopped by the « neighbor » saying that this golf club was his.

Panels start to get redder and redder, and the « neighbor » even more suspicious.

Then this

His face is covered up by his hand and the person became mixed between Seungbae’s father and the « Neighbor ».

And there the character looks even more tense with a complete red background. This is extremely interesting because we can interpret this in differents ways. Something lies beneath this panel. And the next one is :

Did you notice ? Did you see the little thing that’s odd and off ?? THE SHIRT !! And the place, we are not in the parking anymore. And there’s a cellphone !

The « neighbor » became the father. The person to who Seungbae was talking just before BECAME the dead father lying on the ground. Shirts are the connection !

Once the flashback is done, Seungbae looks exhausted as if the past shared was much deeper than what’s been said and shown to us, spectators. What’s caught my intention was this sentence from him :

« He had to ruin it, as if it was some piece of meat. » « Some piece of meat ». What kind of meat ? I feel like there’s something doing with human flesh. Someone that was beat up and never respected can refer himself as « some piece of meat » right ? Was Seungbae referring to something like that ?

The next thing that his talking about is :

« To take what wasn’t his ». Now if we compare with what the neighbor/father says just before

« I’m telling you it’s mine »

Do you understand ? There is definetly something between Seungbae and his father. Something deeper and more frightening than we think.

Those words, I’m sure that it comes from personal experience.

« That man doesn’t love you »

Bum’s face explains it for you.

 Seungbae was at Bum’s place before. Seungbae was the one who was the victim, the one who wanted to be loved and got beat up like a piece of meat.

 And guess what ? I’m sure that the person who help/save him back then was

Chief kwak

What if back then Chief Kwak was the officier who interrogated Seungbae ?

What does he mean ? What he’s talking about ?

After this, we got the transition with Sangwoo. From a dead woman to him. He’s dead inside.

« He killed his family »

Who is « HE » ?? Sangwoo or Seungbae ?

The overshade is green, does this mean that a truth has been revealed to us ? If yes about who ?

Now, let’s talk about the Butterfly. It represents hope, the messenger of death, yes, but also changes, transition, rebirth. The yellow butterfly represents happiness and prosperity.

The shadows of the butterfly on Sangwoo’s head, the reflect of light in his eyes, everything tells us that Sangwoo is broken inside. He even gives a childish vibe, look at his face when look up.

Happiness, prosperity, changes that Oh Sangwoo desires but can’t reach.

Even if he tries.

The body that « belonged » to the father. Which father ? Which man are we talking about here ? I think it’s about Seungbae. This time we got Seungbae’s story.

« If he kill his parents why wouldn’t he kill you… »

This isn’t a question. It has never been one.

If Seungbae is responsible of his father death, I think that this sentence shows us his thoughts about it. He probably thinks bad of himself. Hates it.

« Remember… ?  When Seungbae made that mess… » The sentence is taking time, it’s something taboo, a subject that’s still too hurtful, too fresh. Too presents in minds.

This chapter was about Seungbae past. About who he is.

I do wonder if the golf club isn’t actually an excuse to hide something else. If the « neighbor » was only here to incarnate a certain personnality of Seungbae’s father.

What if the one who actually murder his family was the one who’s trying to save Bum ?

Seungbae, the police officer, representative of justice being the one who killed his family ?

Seungbae choosing the path of justice to repent himself from his acts.

The chapter ends on Bums wanting to see Sangwoo. On Seungbae seeing his help rejected.

It ends on a failure

A Bloody failure.

I hope that I wasn’t too boring and that everything makes senses !

If something is wrong or whatever feels free to say it :)

[overdrivels]

The Hanzo-disliking anon here. I would have actually preferred discussing this w/ you privately but I prefer to be on anon for the whole "doesn't like a beloved popular character" thing. The reason I don't like Hanzo is how he seems to have the audacity to act like the offended party with Genji when he's the one who did wrong. It's not even that he doesn't realize he did wrong. He abandoned his clan due to guilt. I can't for the life of me understand what appears to be his victim complex. (1/2)

(2/2) He goes around calling Genji “trash” to his face in the Japanese version of OW for goodness’ sake. That Genji is dead to him and stuff. It could be that he feels Genji betrayed him by refusing to join the Shimada business or that he feels like his redemption quest has been for nothing, but those are terrible reasons and don’t excuse his shitty behavior. I’ve been trying to think of what the writers are trying to go for with him, but I just can’t imagine anything that justifies his attitude

(3/2 I miscalculated 2 asks aren’t enough) I hope I didn’t come off as a jerk. I have no issue with people who like Hanzo and I don’t want to disrespect or undermine them. I’m just irritated at how self-entitled the character seems to be. The reason I actually brought this up with you is bc I was hoping you’d have some insights on this that will help me understand why he’s the way he is.

You’ve been very respectful in the way you express your opinions and well articulated in your reasons, so I’m actually extremely happy that you’ve presented this to me and feel comfortable enough to share. (You have no fucking clue how pleased I am to have a discussion like this, really.)

This is rather long (very long), so I’m placing this under a cut. To everyone else, please be mindful of each other’s opinions, especially when it’s being conveyed so civilly. Understandably, if you are of the opposite opinion, you may feel angered, but I ask that you refrain from attacking anyone and if need be, present your opinion and thoughts in the same manner as this anon.

(I also ask that this doesn’t get reblogged because I don’t think I can handle my inbox getting wrecked by people who weren’t initially a part of the conversation or know the context of the entire discussion leading up to this.)

I’d be happy to discuss it with you on chat or something, but as it is, this’ll have to work. I’m going to preface this by saying that Hanzo doesn’t need to be (shouldn’t need to be?) justified as a character because sometimes, a character does shitty things and that shittiness (shittyness?) needs to be acknowledged and not justified for any reason because there’s no good enough explanation.

(I’m sure we’ve all experienced or done something like that in real life–did something so inexcusable without proper explanation, but there really isn’t one, and we have to accept it as is.)

I think it’s easy to look at the singular action of Hanzo killing Genji in a vacuum. Based on that singular event alone, and seeing how Hanzo acts afterward, it’s very easy to paint him as an asshole whose actions are inexcusable and he doesn’t deserve to claim that he’s the one who is hurt. In which case, absolutely. He should not act like he’s been wronged when he’s the one who started it.

But what if we start further?  

I want to look at the cause and what could’ve led up to it. Not to justify it, but to see where this could’ve come from. It’s my own opinion, but I think that people are very used to writers having their characters as is–no background unless it’s relevant to the plot, no thought of what sort of life they’ve lead up to this point, and is presented as a given. However, I see that the Overwatch team has put some effort into characters (the level of effort can be debatable, but I’m not interested in debating that), so I want to show some level of respect to the writers by trying to dig a little deeper into where, why, how–who is this character?

And I think a lot of it may have come from Hanzo’s circumstance, his relations with his brother, and his past. To understand it, we have to take a deeper look into Japanese culture (or Asian culture, in general). Now, I can’t claim that I have a complete understanding of anything, so a lot of this is just what I know (and perhaps experiences) and some speculation and logical deductions.

In life, Genji was given a freedom that Hanzo, as the eldest and the heir to a criminal syndicate, never truly enjoyed. That isn’t to say, however, that Genji didn’t have his own fair share of troubles. 「一族の恥」(ichizoku no haji)、the clan’s shame/the embarrassment of the clan is what they called him. We can leave the discussion about Genji for another day, but let’s look at how this affects Hanzo.

So from birth and even after his father’s death, he was held to a strict standard. Everyone was watching him. He was chosen by the dragons. He must not make a mistake lest he bring shame to his entire family.

In Japanese culture (and Asian culture), losing face is probably one of the worst things that could happen to you. In Western culture, it’s not that big of a deal if you embarrass yourself a little or you’re not as successful or you don’t have the respect of your subordinates. People will tease you about it, and move on.

In Asian culture, you’re pretty much fucked. No one will let you forget it, it becomes a part of you now. You will lose the respect of everyone around you, and depending on the level of face you lose, every piece of success you’ve built up can be lost in a second. It is an integral part of your identity and society. Losing face could make you a nobody, scorned, and an outcast. It can affect your job, your family, relations with neighbors, cost you that raise or promotion–it’s a big deal that cannot be contained to the words, ‘embarrassment’ or ‘shame’.

(For example: you’re at someone’s house and you’ve finished off your glass of juice, but you’re still thirsty, so you reach for more from the fridge. You’ve now made the host lose face because, by getting your own drink, you’ve shown your host that they suck at what they do and should be more attentive to you, their guest. You’ve made your host lose face. Now your host is embarrassed and that’s going to be a mark on them for a long, long time. If there were other people there, they would notice this, too, and give that person shit. This sounds absolutely silly because it’s a glass of juice, but it’s a big deal.)

Hanzo was losing face. He couldn’t control his brother. That’s a deep scar on his image, on everything he’s built up in his life. For Sojiro, his father, it was less of a deal–he let Genji do it and probably made it openly known that this was acceptable. And no one will go against Sojiro, the master of the clan and who could have them all killed in an instant.

But Hanzo?

He doesn’t have that rapport yet, so he’s subject to the scorn and nasty comments of his elders and the like. (I’m assuming there are elders and those in the clan who are of a high power that Hanzo cannot take action without consulting. It’s kind of like a Japanese company. While a President delivers the decision, the decision isn’t made it without consulting those who are affected and knowledgeable.) He can’t defend himself against them. 

Why? 

Because of the hierarchy. There’s a very specific type of hierarchy in Japan that’s difficult to explain because to understand it, you have to understand the intricacies of the culture and the dynamic of the clan, which we don’t particularly have.

(There’s a very good post about it by someone about Hanzo losing face on tumblr, but I can’t seem to find it at the moment.)

Regardless, that must’ve built up a lot of tension and repressed anger that he wasn’t allowed to express. Expressing your anger is not taken the same way as in the Western world. It’s…well, not to say it’s not acceptable, but it’s not taken the same way as it would be outside of Japan.

So, Hanzo has quite a bit on his plate. Why can’t Genji just do what he’s told? Why does he have to stand out? (As a side note, standing out in Japanese culture or disrupting the status quo is not looked kindly upon.There’s even a saying in Japanese: a nail that stands out gets hammered ( 出る杭は打たれる ).) So Genji’s defiance is another point of contention. Why does he have to keep disobeying his elders? Hanzo is Genji’s older brother. It’s his absolute responsibility to make sure his brother is kept in line. That’s the burden of being the eldest. If Genji isn’t in line, Hanzo has failed in his basic duties in being an older brother. (The implications are much more serious, and I’m not quite sure how to express it.)

He may be acing his studies, and listening to his father, but he can’t seem to exert the right amount of authority over those who should be listening to him. And his father isn’t helping by letting Genji do what he wants. He also has this constant pressure to do better because his best isn’t enough from both his family and the clan. Logically, they wouldn’t follow someone who is weak or doesn’t have his shit in order. But he doesn’t. There’s always something tripping him up, and that’s his brother. Not to blame Genji, because again, he has his own share of troubles, but from Hanzo’s point of view, he was likely the source of a lot of his resentment.

In short, Hanzo is a failure. His accomplishments, his perfectionism, none of it means anything if he’s constantly getting shit thrown back at his face.

I seriously believe that all the lines he says in-game to himself such as, “Never second best,” or “Unworthy,” or “You will never amount to anything!” were all just Hanzo projecting.

In the Japanese version, he refers to Genji as 「くず」 (trash). I don’t know what to make of this. I could take the angle that it’s Hanzo projecting onto Genji still, or I could speculate that he truly believes he’s superior, or take it a little more neutrally, he’s repeating what everyone else calls Genji. But if I had to guess, it’s a mixture of everything. This is something that stumps me a little bit, but the above is the best explanation I have for it.

When Hanzo becomes the master of the clan, he was probably told to put Genji in line. And Genji didn’t want anything to do with the clan. He wanted to live his life, enjoy it. But that sort of enjoyment came with certain responsibilities that he has shirked since the time of their father. But with Hanzo as the new leader of the clan, he had to put Genji in line or…do something about it.

It’s very likely that the rest of the clan saw this as an opportunity to make their name good, to get rid of those who stood out, to right everything. Their new leader is young and inexperienced without his father to protect him. So, Hanzo was presented with those two choices: straighten Genji out or kill him lest you bring more shame to the clan.

Now, Hanzo is given an opportunity to redeem himself and his image and the clan’s image. This goes beyond the redemption quest he set out for after Genji’s death. I think he was on one even before then. He can save face and fix everything if he listens to his elders (his betters in the hierarchy). He can fix everything if he can get rid of the problem–Genji.

He did it. He did not take an insult to his power passively, he rectified it by putting an end to it. He restored confidence in his clan as an assassin, as master of the clan, as his brother.

…but it wasn’t so.

After killing his brother, we all know he left the Shimada clan. We’re not sure if it was immediately after or some time after. The timing may be very significant, but as we do not readily know, we’ll skip over it for now. We can easily call his leaving an act of cowardice, or the result of his guilt, or that he wanted to do something he always wanted to do but never found an opportunity to do so. He wanted to leave. He wanted the freedom that Genji had, but couldn’t have because his immediate family still existed.

By leaving, he thought for himself for once.

Ah, not to mean that he was blindly following anyone’s orders or anything, but for once, he thought of himself. He was selfish. In Japanese culture, the collective comes first. The clan, the whole of Hanamura, the whole of society comes first.

But for once, Hanzo became selfish, and so, left everything behind. Here’s the funny thing though, by killing Genji, he found a way out for his freedom, but by killing Genji, he also managed to never fully express the envy and hate he may have had for his brother.

In many or most cultures, you’re supposed to revere the dead. It’s pretty much the same in Japanese culture.

Now he’s been mourning for ten years, still unable to express that hate that he has supposed buried when he killed his brother. And guess who shows up? Genji. Back to sling shit into his face again. Not only is he a failure as a brother for being unable to keep his brother in line, as the master of the clan by leaving, but also as a killer by having one of his most life-altering kills come back from the grave.

So, under such circumstances, I would absolutely be pissed beyond hell and vent in almost any way I can because pride is a fragile thing. Or at least, it is for Hanzo.

But here’s an interesting thought: I also wonder if he knew, deep down, that it would come to this. He didn’t seem entirely too surprised beyond the first few seconds. As a matter of fact, he seemed to have gone back to something more childish, acting almost immediately like a big brother–scolding his younger brother for something and telling him to get his life together. He slips into the role almost too easily.

We can chalk it up to shock, but couldn’t it be that he also knew he never actually dealt the finishing blow and that’s been nagging at him this whole time? Not that he gave his brother a chance to live, but that he let his brother suffer. If you’re going to kill someone you love, you’d make it quick and painless, right? We can argue that he never loved his brother, but we can also argue that he was warring with himself and couldn’t bring himself to do it.

I must sound like a broken record, but to me, it’s very interesting to speculate and think about. There are so many angles we can take on this and the possibilities are endless. But it could also be that his character could also be very simple broken down as an man who mistakenly thinks he is being wronged all the time.

But yes, your thoughts are valid and meaningful to me in a way that I can’t explain. They also gave me some perspective on why some people might not like him, and I really want to thank you for helping me expand my horizons. In light of that, I hope I’ve been able to articulate why he may be the way he is, whether he is justified in his behavior or not is a completely different story. I’m just interested in why.

(There was a lot more I would’ve love to elaborate on, but I think this would’ve actually turned into a research paper. I hope this has been helpful and sufficient in answering your questions even though it’s a little disorganized in its presentation. Again, it’s perfectly fine to dislike a character–not all characters are made to be liked, and not all people are expected to like all characters.)