#how it isn’t shown to excuse any of his actions or behaviors past or present. nor does it condemn him

[zeb-z]

y’all ever think about how Harry loved Dora to such a degree it was worship, she wasn’t his lover but his savior, his deity, a symbol of the good and the lovely in the world - and she’s portrayed as Dolores Dei because of this, because his love was his religion and he put her on such a pedestal that when she left it absolutely destroyed him (because what else would losing your salvation, your hope, your god, do to a believer?) And how this comparison is a warning of putting someone, anyone or anything up so high and believing it can do no wrong, only to be devastated when it leaves. How she’s also the middle/upper middle class who can just leave the conflict, decide to fly away because they have the money and means, and leave the ‘poverty stricken fucks’ behind. The danger in placing blind and total faith in something that tells you (or that you tell yourself) its morality is infallible, and it will be forever, because you will be blindsided when it leaves or does something terrible, and that utter devotion will be the dagger you fall on when this clean and holy thing, this love, leaves you for something better, betrays you in the worst way.

y’all ever think about the comparison between Dora and Dolores Dei and moralism and middle class with the religious themes, how love is just as dangerous as wrath and despair and ego, how Harry wasn’t great, not even good, but there was nothing he could have changed. the layers of how he has to learn to live for himself instead of the woman who left him half a decade ago, how Dora is Dolores Dei is Moralism and the privilege to stay neutral with the ability to leave when things are rough, how he has to pull himself out of his misery and try his best and it’s not always enough it’s not going to stop the nightmares it’s not going to bring that holy love back it’s not going to save him, but it has to be better than nothing.

y’all ever think about that beautiful stained glass wall in the old church, Dolores Dei larger than life, a picture of innocence so lovely and divine - but all it’s ever been was glass, and it’s shards are all over the hardwood floor.

[seyaryminamoto]

I think it's kinda funny how for the most part Season 1 Iroh is very much a villain, but in Seasons 2 and 3 the writers try to make it look like Iroh is a kindly old man who can do no wrong. In the Season 1 episode "The Spirit World" Iroh gets captured by Earth Benders for what he did in Bing Sing Se. Iroh struggles to give a sincere apology to them for what he did in Ba Sing Se so I don't believe that Iroh was always on Aang's side from the start of the show.

... Wait a whole second now, my anon: did he try to apologize? O_o I don’t remember him saying anything that sounded like an apology xD

Yep, just went over the transcript and he didn’t say anything that suggested he wanted to apologize to the Earth Kingdom soldiers for what he did in Ba Sing Se. Which, in the end, just lends more credence to your claim that Iroh in Season 1 wasn’t the kindly old man the later seasons characterize him as.

This really just takes me back to my old analysis post on Iroh’s character being split in three parts. Book 1, in my opinion, doesn’t try to feature Iroh as a villain per se, but as comic relief with occasional glimpses at depth, but not quite the sort of depth you can 100% ascertain means he’s on the Avatar’s side or on the Fire Nation’s side. There are a few instances where it feels like Iroh is actually getting in Zuko’s way and hindering him in his quest to find the Avatar... but then once you reach Book 1′s finale, Iroh is outright telling Zuko he’ll help him nab the Avatar before Zhao can. Someone can obviously argue that he’s saying it for the sake of it, that he doesn’t really intend to help Zuko that way, that this is how he’s kept Zuko reassured that he’s his ally rather than trying to sabotage him... but it’s also possible he’s not bullshitting Zuko about helping him catch Aang before Zhao does.

The thing is, Iroh getting in Zuko’s way is mainly done for comedic effect. His every instance of sabotaging Zuko’s quest is turned into jokes, such as a whole episode of him trying to find his White Lotus tile and derailing Zuko’s journey completely for something that irrelevant... especially when the punchline of such a detour is that the tile was in Iroh’s sleeve all along. It’s very difficult to interpret these scenes as “villainous” Iroh because he has absolutely nothing to gain from getting in Zuko’s way if he’s not supporting the Avatar in secret. There are some moments, though I can’t fully remember them atm, where Iroh seems to be doing things to help Aang get away Zuko, so it puts forward the very commonly accepted theory that Iroh was actually on the good guys’ side all along!

Now, though, Iroh’s character did go through different stages across development, that can’t go ignored:

“Iroh was originally intended to be just a strict teacher to Zuko with a gruff personality; however, his character eventually changed to become his uncle and with a softer side as seen in the series.”

There’s a veeeery strong possibility that he only becomes what he does in Books 2 and 3 because that’s when they finally settled on a certain direction for his character, and that the strange ambiguity in his character throughout Book 1 is actually a consequence of them not being fully sure of how they wanted Iroh’s character to develop and turn out in the show’s endagme. I absolutely see a strong change in Iroh’s writing between Books 1 and 2, so it’s entirely possible he wasn’t always treated, in the writing room, as secretly conspiring to help the Avatar... but it’s hard to judge Iroh’s character properly during Book 1 because of how the narrative constantly oscillates between featuring him as full-blown comic relief and veeeery occasionally wise. I don’t really think they wrote him as a villain, outright and deliberately, but they did write him so vaguely that it’s entirely possible to take Iroh from Book 1 (perhaps up until he defies Zhao) and interpret him as a not-too-effective villain with a sense of humor, rather than a secret hero waiting to turn his back on his nation.

All this being said, the show was 100% determined to sweep Iroh’s very likely war crimes under a rug, and that episode from Book 1, forgettable as it may be for a lot of people, is a veeeeery important one in terms of offering us a glimpse not only at Iroh’s past, but at how the show virtually presents the Earth Kingdom soldiers as in the wrong for capturing Iroh. I’ll never get tired of bringing up a very strong and ironic parallel in that episode with The Chase...

Outnumbered by the enemy...

Feigns surrender...

Mercilessly attacks the enemy when they lower their guard...

All be it to stage an escape, to varying degrees of success.

I honestly don’t think there’s any morally acceptable reason to consider Iroh had any sort of excuse to fight back, injure or escape from those soldiers, especially if he regrets the harm he’s brought the Earth Kingdom. While, yes, someone might argue Iroh’s intentions towards the Earth Kingdom are no longer nefarious, his crimes are still very much real to the people who not only fought against him but suffered the actual consequences of his siege directly. 

At this point, you can 100% argue that what Iroh did is objectively worse than anything Azula had been shown doing, personally, up until the Chase. Was she 100% a supporter of her father’s regime and war crimes? Yes, she was! But she wasn’t directly responsible for actual war crimes yet, let alone war crimes on par with a six hundred day siege. At this point, Team Avatar + Zuko & Iroh just want Azula to leave them be, apparently: it isn’t a matter of capturing her to take her to justice. That’s what the soldiers did want with Iroh, and he not only escaped but by the last fight in that episode, him and Zuko definitely must have hurt several of the soldiers escorting Iroh to Ba Sing Se, not just the one Iroh burns in the scene I used for the parallel there. But somehow, Azula doing what she does is a sign of pure, absolute evil. When Iroh does this? Everyone just shrugs it off, turns the other way, pretends he’s entitled to fight back because he’s funny or because he supposedly learned better (not that we know for sure, as first-time viewers, that he learned better at all, at this point in time).

Book 1 Iroh is a lot sketchier than most people want to accept. The fact that we’ve got a literal play-by-play situation with Azula where Azula is 100% framed as morally appalling, down to Iroh calling her insane in the next episode as a consequence of her actions... when he did the exact same thing she did, merely one season ago? Again, there’s no way Iroh is more justified than Azula in what he did back in Book 1. He basically gets away because he knows Earth Kingdom justice won’t forgive him, and that’s that. How is that somehow morally acceptable? :’)

Aaaat any rate. I don’t really think Iroh was intentionally written as a villain, but I do think there’s some huge gaps in the logic of his behavior and writing throughout Book 1, not to mention some serious carelessness in the writing department if they actually intended to feature an Iroh who’s repenting for the wrong he did in his youth. That’s not the man we saw in this episode, absolutely not. It’s not even the man we see in Book 2, we’re actually meant to infer Iroh regrets his past and his mistakes because his entire journey of confronting his wrongdoings happened offscreen and we’re merely meant to take at face-value that it happened. Like I said earlier, it’s not impossible to read Iroh, up until the Siege of the North Part 1, as a morally dubious man who just so happens to make frequent jokes whenever he wants to. We see him giving Zhao moralizing speeches on honor when he (Iroh) broke the rules of an Agni Kai by stopping the fight before either Zuko or Zhao had been burned (how very honorable :’D), only to see him honorably injuring enemy soldiers with a very justified grudge on him in a later episode!

Basically, you have to pretend some things didn’t happen at all to trust Iroh was indeed a nice guy since day 1 of ATLA, supporting Aang from the shadows while enduring Zuko’s hysteric fits. I’m pretty sure, like I said earlier, that they only really unraveled what direction they wanted for Iroh’s character when Book 2 came along, and that’s why Iroh was not written with that same purpose in mind back in Book 1... which is why it’s relatively easy to interpret him as you have, anon.

[justalads]

who set off the tnt?

   after relative silence from the recent streams about tommy’s imprisonment in Pandora’s box, the question on many’s minds is who the culprit of the multiple explosions is. assuming the tnt was set off manually and not primed to explode, the person who did it was on the server at the time. that leaves us with a list of five people: tommy, sam, dream, ranboo and foolish.

   foolish: the general consensus is that foolish did not do this. he has not been involved with much lore in the past, and especially has not featured in tommy and dream’s saga. he later claimed that while he was on the server during this time, he was brewing potions. some people have said he could be lying, but that seems improbable as evidenced by his current lack of involvement in the lore.

   tommy: again, no reason for him to do this. his point of view was visible at all times, and he sounded genuinely surprised by the security breach. it was intended to be the last visit, and he panicked immediately after the explosions began.

   dream: while claiming innocence at the time, dream has been known to lie, especially around tommy. he claims that he’s changed in the prison, and while an argument could be made about his growth as a character, his actions and behaviors around tommy show either a lack of self awareness or a still present maliciousness. plus, he was also visible at all times, and has not left the prison. if he were to have set them off, it would have to be triggered automatically. he also could have asked someone to set them off for him, as part of a plan, but it is impossible for dream himself to have set the tnt off.

   sam: surprisingly, people have mixed opinions on this one. many are claiming that sam has been possessed by the egg. if that were the case, he could set off explosions, and then claim the security lockdown was mandatory. say that’s true. what does the egg gain from having tommy locked up? he doesn’t take much direct action against the egg, and is in fact rarely on the server at all. it’s possible that the egg knows about the effect dream has on tommy, and could be putting him in there as a way to get rid of him. however, the egg doesn’t necessarily want tommy dead. if it did, sam could have canonically killed tommy at any time while he was in the prison. there has been no evidence of sam being “possessed” by the egg. he was encased in the egg that one time, and acted odd after, but canonically, he was eating his own skin to stay alive at that point, so some odd behavior can be excused. he has not shown an interest in helping the egg, save from hiring bad and ant to be additional prison guards. that isn’t even really aligned with the egg’s interests. unless sam shows more evidence of helping the egg, there does not seem to be a reason to think that he exploded part of the prison on purpose. sam as a warden cares a lot about the security of the prison, fixing anything that could breach the security.

   ranboo: honestly, it’s kind of hard to imagine how this isn’t him. it’s almost suspiciously obvious that he had something to do with this. after the message of a smile coming from dream delivered via sapnap, and the visit that ranboo doesn’t remember happening where he signed the books in ender, there have been multiple opportunities to communicate plans with dream. he was on the server at the time, yet on his last stream he claimed that the last time he logged off was the day before, after mining. he had the odd messaging of “he is in control” being spelled out in his inventory while he acted disoriented. he also had access to all the things he would need, and is inherently mixed up with dream. dream could have asked him to cause a distraction, or he could have done it on his own while during the enderwalk, since dream had no reason to know that tommy was visiting the prison that day.

   many of the details of this day are missing. if ranboo did it, how did he know the time that tommy was visiting? if it was sam, when did the egg tell him what to do? is dream telling the truth about not knowing about the explosions? hopefully, the lore of the next week will solve some of these.

- Lad 2

[stardustdancer]

Darklina to the core or ... The real reason for the passion for a certain storyline

First of all ... the good thing is that the majority of society is able to distinguish between good and bad. We learn that early on.

I don't close my eyes to reality. There are terrible people in this world. There are people who have had faced or currently face terrible situations. There is good stuff happening in this world as well as great people do exist. But sure as hell there are no perfect ones.

I am shipping Darklina. I have my reasons. They are my own individual and personal reasons and I am looking for answers.

You can find answers everywhere. From advice, a sight, an experience ... I know Darklina is a damn toxic relationship. This was shown to us with a sledgehammer. Aleksander did Alina dirty. No doubt on that. I’m not excusing such behaviour and such actions in any way in real life.

The good news is ... Darklina is not reality. It's fiction, and the thing about fiction and stories is that they have a purpose. They give answers. They remind us of things. They show us dreams, hopes and wishes. They teach us something. They contain a message. Their goal is to explain to us in a simple but often exaggerated way how we can or should deal with things in our real world.

Critical voices could now say: "Then why are you shipping Darklina? Is the lesson not clear? No chance for abusers!"

Yes, you are right. That is a lesson to be learned from it. But it's A lesson. Not the only lesson.

See, we humans are all so very, very different. We are different because we all go different ways. We have different legacies, different experiences. We have different ambitions, different demons, different passions, desires and hopes. We all have different lessons to learn.

What about the lesson of never giving up? The lesson of how much is too much to reach your goals? What about the lesson of change? Is there a way to get out of the dark or is bad bad and will stay bad forever? Do you remain a monster with no hope? Is it worth fighting your demons, experiences, your past? What about the lesson in true forgiveness? (I recommend everyone look up the word "forgiveness" and what it means.)

There are real people in this world who ask such questions. Are they not allowed to ask these questions or find answers because the moral compass of our society forbids it to only whispering about our moral gray traits? Does the morally perfect society ignore the fact that different people face different problems that this perfect society cannot understand at all?

As different as the people, as different are the lessons and as different are the motivations and preferences.

But back to Darklina AND definitely ... we mustn't forget ... It's a story! It's an exaggerated fiction that I'm talking about.

In order to be able to learn something from it we have to turn the story of Aleksander and Alina into reality by removing all magical things, the war situation, the killer vipes and the hunger for power to reduce the story events to its core. (Just for your information, the point is not to downplay a problem, but to make it more understandable.)

When all of this is gone, we have a man who wants to achieve a goal by taking advantage of a woman's talent.

Let's create a new story based on this core. Just an example ...

How about a story where a boss wants to win a project. He sees the potential of a woman in his company and asks her for help. They get closer as they work together, but the boss is a stupid workaholic who has worked toward his goal all his life. So far he has been alone for a very long time. He doesn't know how to trust someone and the relationship with this woman is new. Maybe it is too new and his newly awakened feelings are frightening him. He is afraid and sees his reputation threatened by this woman's talent and steals that mutual successes of a presentation and presents it as his own.

The woman is hurt and it sure means that she was abused by her boss too. It's exactly the same gist as Alinas and Aleksanders in Shadow and Bone, but turned into a more realistic and more minor incident. Something that can definitely happen in reality.

Now we talk about what someone sees in Darklina. Does this new story still evoke exactly the same negative and dramatic feelings in you as in the original story? No, or?

That's because there's a certain familiarity in this story. It could be true and it could be something that can actually happen to anyone.It's realistic. It's still bad. No question. Still a shitty situation, but it isn't tainted with urealistic cruelty and there is a good chance of finding a good and realistic solution without killing anyone. It's something a random person is able to deal with in real life.

It’s the core of a story that draws us in and not… (well…not only) the obvious sexiness and chemistry of a protagonist.

Most of the time what draws us in reflects something that is within us. Be it guilt or hope. Be it wish or reality. For fun or for distraction. The end of a story could be an answer to a question or food for thought for someone who has an inner question to deal with.

The woman might either find a good lawyer to help her or she will move heaven and earth to convince her boss to change his behavior.

Different endings, different paths, different motivations, different lessons.

And, depending on your inner needs, you have chosen which of them you like best.

Some Malinas might look for the handsome boyfriend to help Alina gain inner peace and find sweet love. Maybe these people are craving a healthy relationship or they just enjoy the fluffy stuff. It is absolutely valid. I'm happy for them. Enjoy your trip!

But that's not it for everyone. Darklinas may see a different message. They hope for something else. They have different needs. They enjoy other things. What is also valid.

There is nothing wrong with showing interest in Darklina's plot because nobody but you knows what you can get out of this story for your personal growth because nobody but you knows what your life lessons are.

It is up to you which way you go. Which story you prefer, what lesson you need or want to learn. What your wishes are or what your hopes. It's individual. It's personal. It's different for everyone.

So if you take the story down to the core, it will be easier to identify a message and that will help you find your answers.

Unfortunately, the problems with stories is that you will never know which route the writers will choose. You won't know the end until it ends. You can only stick with it until the story tells you that you won't find your answer in it. You have to wait and hope that the story gives you what you are looking for. Either you are the lucky one or you are the one who remains unsatisfied. Then you haven't found your answer yet.

However, it's important to always remember that at some point, somehow, somewhere you will find your answers. You just have to keep looking.

Until then, enjoy the things that make you happy!

And in my case, it's only to watch Ben Barnes look delicious!

Just kidding ... it's the hope of a good ending to a person stuck in a dark place trying to find their way back into the light.

That's all! Sorry for my bad English. It's not my mother tongue.

Take care! Bye!

[lily-mj-fae]

I’m making this post to continue from a comment thread because i hate comments. It takes way too many to say everything at once. So @everlustsstuff this is just my response (this post really got away with me and my thoughts and it got long so i’m putting it under a read more):

First of all. I absolutely do believe Elain has her flaws and faults. A large part of her actions are based on who she is as a person. Her inaction is her biggest fatal flaw. It’s an ugly one, that stems from who she is. It’s awful. And she’s made a few steps in the direction to correct that flaw, but she absolutely has a long way to go. But she’s also not really getting any help there either, because she’s surrounded by people who are content to just leave her as she was. Which kind of leaves her with very few resources to figure herself out. 

Who she is, stems from a mixture of nature and nurture. The nature part for her I believe is that desire to people please, the kindness, the general bright and bubbly joy that exudes from her. Just her brains wiring. (and this is a part that i get because that is me too. Just in general a really happy person even in some of the bleakest times. And that is one thing I love elain for. Is how much Feyre admires that. Because believe me, enough people look down on that behavior and it sucks, even if you haven’t done anything wrong).

I do have a tendency to speak more on other people’s actions around her, because I’m far more interested in how other people’s actions affect that (also because like I said, i already get the first part. so it’s really just not as interesting to me). And on top of those things, Elain has been very sheltered, at all points by people around her. (Most Notably her sisters). And that has had a huge part on who she is. Let’s be honest, the girls raised each other. Which has clearly led to some issues (because ya know, they were children and siblings, not parents).

Two of the biggest things that annoyed the hell out of me in ACOTAR are:

1) Why didn’t they grow their own vegetables? Elain had a garden. They were clearly too broke to buy them. And for days when they didn’t have meat, it would be a great option. Like, did they seriously only eat meat? IDK, it seems so unlikely to me. So why wasn’t Elain growing them? 

I know a lot of fandom headcanons that she did. I on ocassion will. But i think my friend has it right. Headcanon that she TRIED but it didn’t work out and then likely gave up (because ya know, i think it’s another character trait, even flaw. She seems quick to give up). Because when gardening with Feyre in the nice house, she mentions that she plans on learning how to grow vegetables (which I think is a form of growth within her character. No matter how small it is to us as readers). (also tying into this why doesn’t she cook? but again, something that she’s now worked on rectifying on her own...in the sense she sought instruction on her own volition, to learn from the shadow twins).

2) That when Feyre asks Nesta to chop wood, and Nesta refuses, why doesn’t Elain just go do it herself? Or why doesn’t Feyre just ask Elain. Like i know Feyre mentions not being sure if Elain just doesn’t know what to do or is just actively choosing not to do anything, but then...why not ask her? She was willing to ask Nesta. So Elain doesn’t get asked, and she doesn’t do it herself. Instead we see her plead with Nesta. Is she just incapable? As a people pleaser (and someone who has at least shown interest, albeit later in the series in learning things), it would actually be totally within character for her to go do it herself when Feyre so clearly asks for help and Nesta rejects. Imagine how happy they’d all be if they had wood and Nesta and feyre weren’t arguing about it. So why doesn’t she?

I have my theories. And yes. It 100% has to do with her being sheltered. Do I think that she tried, and Nesta went to stop her? Yes I do. I absolutely do. It would be within character for Nesta, who doesn’t want her sister to be subjected to the harsher side of reality. (Especially because i stand by my comparison of her protectiveness. Which I think would have started sometime after their mother died. I think it would have been the first time they ever saw Elain not her bubbly happy self. And let me tell you. When people care about a bubbly person who is not being bubbly. They get WORRIED. MASSIVELY). But I could be wrong. I just don’t think Nesta’s pattern of behavior has changed that much (aside from her choosing to step in and help Feyre on her own, not because she was harassed into it) that it is terribly unlikely. 

Elain is sheltered a lot. Even sheltered from the consequences of HER choices and actions. Which mean she’s not going to learn or grow from those experiences. It seems that Feyre herself has desires/expectations that Nesta should, should be doing her part moreso than she does Elain (obviously she still has hopes/expecations with Elain too. But most of the ire is directed at nesta is feels like). So if she’s spent a large part of her life being sheltered, taking actions that she doesn’t necessarily think about the worst that can happen. Because she doesn’t see it. I mean, She is the one that chose to help Feyre first (when Feyre came to involve them in things on her own). She was the one that pushed for them to do exactly what Feyre was asking. But who ultimately did most of the work? Nesta. And we see in Wings and Ember that Nesta will not allow Elain to be involved. Because she wants to protect Elain from the potential consequences of Graysen finding out. If he found out, and only Nesta had been involved, he already hated her, he’d probably whisk Elain away to keep her safe. But if he knew Elain had been involved? Even though she was trying to help her sister, and everyone else, he’d have left her. With all this in mind, it’s a massive downfall to Elain. But it is also inline 100% with the life she’s led.

And we see Nesta and Feyre again, try to protect her from the fall out of her choices, when Elain comes up with her plan to help the humans. One in which she is vital to. Nesta and Feyre immediately seek to protect her from the pain they all know is coming. And this is where we see Elain starting to outwardly recognize actions have consequences (because she does acknowledge that they failed Feyre when growing up to defend Nesta from the inner circle completely blaming Nesta and not her and she doesn’t try to excuse it. She accepts her guilt there). Because she reminds them that 1) Graysen wouldn’t see any of them except her. and 2) She understands that things are already bad. But it doesn’t change that she needs to face it (Again, some good growth in her character for recognizing that).

Second of all I don’t disagree that the characters need to stop babying Elain. I don’t even disagree that Nesta has stopped (I just disagree with how she’s pushing her away all together. But that’s Nesta coping with her trauma poorly. Just as i think Elain’s repressing is a poor coping mechanism because it’s going to come back and bite her in the ass when it all bubbles out of her control). I’m glad Nesta has taken a step back. It might be a few too many in the wrong direction. And it’s absolutely going to have an effect on their relationship, but I’m glad Nesta is trying to separate from Elain. I want Elain to get away from the IC (at least as a group together). I want her to get the hell out of the Night court and see the world. Because that’s the one thing we know she does want to do. And that would come with experiences. 

But them continuing to baby her, mixed with some of her past experiences, doesn’t change

I want to see Elain be trained. Give her some self-defense training. Try to help her train in her power. Let her get out. 

The reason I bring up Nesta especially when Elain is being criticized for “not helping Nesta” when Nesta did so much for her, is because I really don’t think Nesta did so much to help Elain as she did to simply protect her. Not only because I feel like it’s making assumptions out of large chunks of time that we know nothing about (time between acowar and acofas, and acofas and acosf), but because it also makes assumptions of what is going on that we cant see because of limited perspectives. And because it makes a lot, what I feel, are inaccurate statements in Nesta’s favor. 

Which is where my comparison of Nesta to Tamlin comes in. Because despite everything, despite his temper problems that were a real problem, there are parallels that i’ve pointed out a few times. And Elain, being who she isn’t, isn’t going to fight back as much as Feyre did (those there are certainly some parallels between Elain and Feyre too). She would rather keep the peace. So she mostly accepts it. She is repressing her trauma and just doing what’s expected, the way Feyre was kind of trying to. But we do see her push back a little. Namely to help feyre and then to help the humans. But in these instances, she knew exactly what was needed. Expectations were laid out in front of her. Everything she has done, every step she’s taken, there’s been something there to guide her in that direction. and now, she has no direction. She knows Nesta needs help. But that’s the one thing she doesn’t know how to do. She used to just go to Nesta, comfort her, etc. And that’s not working. Nesta is pushing her away. With that, plus the fact that she has her own traumas and her own issues and figuring out her new place in this new world, that quick to give up (though i don’t call at least a year [war was in spring, acofas was winter, and from exerpt we know elain at least had something to do with nesta through her spring birthday] being “quick” even if they are immortals. Time is still going to mean something to them for a while). But most of the conversations and actual plans and events, happened without Elain present. Elain isn’t aware of those things going on. They’re trying not to key her in. So because she’s not there for those, because things are being planned but likely not told to her until well after, she’s not able to speak up on those. She doesn’t know what to speak out on. She’s not so independent. 

Overall, i think that was actually so incredibly detrimental to her. Was Elain in a good headspace? Absolutely not. Could it have easily backfired for her to try to speak her mind at the highlord’s meeting? Absolutely. But not giving her a choice, not allowing her those experiences, kept her from learning or growing. It kept her locked away and secluded. Which is another reason, at least when it comes to this mentioned debate, i don’t like it. Like, i have been told, Nesta was with Elain 24/7 from Nesta stans trying to act like this was all so great for Elain’s character and absolutely the best thing for her. Even though that statement is so false it’s not even funny. And so many people act like this was good, yet think tamlin is this irredeemable monster even just for his similar actions (those are not the actions I think should be irredeemable. I think it’s destroying the study in a violent manner that would have seriously injured feyre if she hadn’t been able to shield, and the outright ignoring her pleas to not be locked inside, and the trying to force her back to the point where he sided with hybern that should fall into those, but eh i don’t care about him enough to say he’s irredeemable) even though the same thing happens to Elain. But with Elain it’s: “It was for her own good.” “They were just protecting her” “They just love her”. Which...is exactly why Tamlin was so fiercely protective of Feyre. I think it’s the one good thing about the actions. They were based in love. But also incredibly detrimental.

Because Elain was so excluded and sheltered from what was going on, she ended up being left behind and alone. Left with strangers (Nuala and Cerridwen...even Amren, who is barely an acquaintance) when they ran off to do their things, and then left to be a sitting duck in the middle of a battlefield. (Velaris remaining untouched while they were in the battles, Elain would have been safer away from them). If they were going to have her there, they should have trained her some. And so Elain (who gets mocked for not wanting to wear leathers) seeks what little comfort she can, in the tent and in the clothing she wears. Because that’s an overwhelming place to be when you’re been left in the dark about everything and have no useful or practical skills. 

And yes, she could have learned. She could have done what Nesta did and tried to go help heal. Or anything like that. And she didn’t. Again, because she lacked the initiative because she was in a different place (not in the same tent that most of those things were going on that say led Nesta to try to help the healers) and it wasn’t placed before her. And i would love to see her learn to get past that in future books.

But I do think a lot of her actions are driven by those around her because she is a people pleaser. She’s not confrontational (except in a few small instances). And she doesn’t challenge a lot. She accepts a lot at face value. And it’s biting her in the ass. So she’s going to need to learn. 

[r00en]

Still Good Chapter 5

Calculated Competition

All Might / Reader, Slight Aizawa / Reader 

Aizawa never did like All Might but he always kept things professional at the very least with the occasional cold behavior and rude attitude, but this might be pushing it.

(Listen, lemmy self indulge in two hot guys fighting over the same girl but in dumb slow burn ways okay!?

EDITED: For all the horrible mistakes, it was bugging me) 

Absolutely nothing could ruin All Mights day today. He had woken up with a smile and carried it through is morning routine. Even humming a bit as he packed is boring lunch and snacks for the day and shoved a few rice crackers in his mouth while changing. Standing in front of the mirror he tried his best to adjust the lopsided tie that hung lose around his neck, fix the drooping shoulders of his pinstripe suit and make sure his belt was tight enough to keep his pants snug on his skinny hips. His cheeks burned slightly as he tried to smooth out his hair only to watch it spring back into place. Useless. Why was he suddenly so worried about how he looked? 'Because there are millions of other good looking, younger men out there for her to pick from....'

That may have been true but so far she had shown no issue with his current look at all. He wasn't dirty at the very least. He could take pride in that much. And his cloths had to be baggy otherwise they would rip right off him each time he powered up. He couldn't carry around different pairs of clothing each time he wanted to, waste time changing back and forth. This was practical. Still...he felt stupid suddenly worrying about this sort of thing so late in the game. Is that what it was like for young men every day? Was it going to be like this for him from now on? The thought had him sulking a bit until he mind kindly reminded him of the cute, sweet, young nurse waiting for him at the coffee shop. Even the creepiness of that thought couldn't keep the smile from his face. Glancing down at his phone he nearly had a heart attack. He was going to be late! He already missed the first train that would get him there early, and now the second that would drop him right on time.

"Holy, stinking, super crap!" He was out the door so fast he would have to apologies to his neighbors for slamming the door hard enough to rock the foundation. With a bit of steam and a loud pop he was sprinting over root tops like his feet were on fire.

Hiding out in a back ally way was his best option to power down. The last thing he needed was reporters following him to school just yet, even less catching him having breakfast with a fellow coworker. No one knew All Might was working at UA. Very few people knew he was in town to stay yet. Low profile was best so he deflated with the rest of the trash, standing awkwardly next to a butcher shops old meat scraps. Fitting. Once he was sure no one saw him sneak in here, nor anyone coming from either direction less he look creepy stalking out of the darkness. Cost was clear and the coffee shop was in sight. And if he squinted real hard he could see his target standing by a few out door tables looking at her phone with worry. This would be the second time he made her wait, a habit he was really hoping he could break soon. Picking up a light job he made his way over. "H-hey sorry I'm late....again. Got held up at the station-" As that beautiful, bubbly face turned to greet him it was over cast by a dark shadow like figure that loomed behind her should like a bad omen. Coming into clear focus as he stopped just short of the two.

"The number one can't even have the manners to show up on time...can't say I'm surprised...." That sullen, annoyed voice. That mess of pitch black hair. Those blood shot angry eyes.

"Ah, Aizawa....what are you..." She answered his question before he managed to mutter it out. Thankfully as Toshi couldn't keep his slightly annoyance from seeping out at his fellow teacher. "Ah, Mr. Aizawa saw me waiting here and came to say hello! He said it's on his way to work every morning isn't that funny?"

Both men started at each other for a moment. Toshi didn't like that smirk he was wearing but was far to polite to do more than cough into his fist. "Yeah? What a coincidence. I had no idea you lived around here." There it was again, that smirk just hidden behind his capture scarf. "Small world. I figured I would grab a cup of coffee with a fellow colleague since I'm here. Catch her up on what's going on from the teachers perspective. Would be nice if we were all on the same page. Less troublesome. But it seems you beat me too it...."  That sounded logical and if it was coming from anyone else; Mic for instance Toshi would have brushed it off with a smile. But this felt wrong. Toshi never mentioned his friendship with the new nurse to anyone save for Young Midoriya who of course had no contact with the teacher at UA. He must have happened on her while heading to work like he said and she mentioned their meet up in casual conversation. Could he be planning something devious? A plan made up on the fly so quickly? Toshi knew he wasn't Aizawa's favorite person. He often made that more than clear during his past meetings. Something about the spotlight rubbed the sullen hero the wrong way and All Might was a spotlight in and of himself. But she didn't look any different even with Aizawa looming behind her like a dark cloud of distaste. She just smiled at him, readjusting her glasses waiting for him to fully join what now seemed to be a group date.

He could deal with this. It wasn't like he planned on confessing to her any time soon, surely not today. He just needed to keep telling himself that this wasn't a date. Who cares if Aizawa was there? He could still talk to her! Swallowing the lump in his throat Toshi spurred forward with a happy, friendly smile.

"Me and ____-chan here are excited to start the school year together...isn't that right?" Toshi watched in horror as Aizawa moved his hand from his pocket to rest it on her head. Rubbing softly like she was some kind of cat. The action seemed to fluster her beyond believe and she held her glowing cheeks with embarrassment. "W-well it's surely an exciting time. With it being my first year living in Japan and working at UA of all places I really hope I can handle it." He was grinning that creepy grin again. She couldn't see from her perspective, head tilted down as she shyly fiddled with her fingers. It was directed at him. Why?! "You'll do fine. You're Recovery Girls own granddaughter, that counts for something. UA is filled with exceptional teachers and staff and you'll be no different." It all sounded so friendly but his tone, it was off.... Since when did Shota Aizawa pep-talk anyone? Let alone in that cheerful voice. "I'll buy you a coffee this time. As a welcome to the school. You don't mind....right All Might?" His voice was dripping with venom and all Toshi could do was nod. "Y-yeah...no problem."

The three made it inside with little to no issue, though Aizawa insisted on keeping himself firmly wedged between the two of them like some odd chaperon. Tossing Toshi rather loaded looks as the ordered and Aizawa payed, though at least he could enjoy the cute way she tried to order her own drink but fumbled with the odd names of coffee she never needed to use before. Toshi turned his head to keep his fellow teacher from seeing the pleased look on his face. Something was up and he wouldn't give Aizawa any more reason to be suspicious. Taking their seats Toshi decided it was best not to put up a fight at all and slid himself across from the two willingly. This was far better for conversation anyway and would have been the arrangement regardless. Rubbing his temple he let out a sigh, he was over thinking things. Aizawa just disliked him and was using this as some odd excuse to make his day harder. That's all this was. It didn't make him feel any better but he couldn't shake the feeling he deserved a bit of this given the circumstances. He was going after someone nearly twice is junior. He was being creepy again...thinking about it like that.

Suddenly she was talking, as if Aizawa wasn't there which put a mildly annoyed look on his face that please Toshi greatly. "So I had some questions about the game show last night. They kept flashing your catch phrase 'I am here' but they kept putting cotton candy around it....is that some sort of inside joke? I don't get it." He grinned, this would surely cement their friendship outside of work and put Aizawa off his teasing. "It's not that complicated, you see if you write out the phrase it's only a few character off from 'It's Cotton Candy!' so from time to time people make the reference." He motioned the kanji in the air as if she could follow though she seems a little lost. "Mmm...we sort of have that in english but the differences in words are not so extreme. Read and read are two different words written the same way but they are close in context. Don't even get me started on 'their'...Present Mic is going to have his work cut out for him. Grandmother said I should try and help with some of the more advanced classes but if I'm honest I'm not really the student type. If I make a mistake teaching kids I'll ruin them for life! No way I can take that responsibility on!"

Toshi wanted to say something like 'You'll make a wonderful teacher' or 'Everything you do is great don't worry!' but Aizawa was glaring at him again and didn't stop even when the waiter brought them their coffee. His was a simple tea, Aizawa apparently liked his black though she had some sort of foaming latte type drink that looked to be more milk than coffee. Just as sweet as she was. "You watched TV together last night?" That cold, spine tingling voice cut through their otherwise cheery cloud of a conversation and both Toshi and her were sent cowering from the angry dark aura drifting it's way closer to them. "A-aha...Toshi stopped by to get some help with his injured side on his way home last night. It was my fault...I offered him dinner and it would have been rude for him to say no. We ended up just watching TV and talking through most of the night. He had to explain so many things to me on the programs that I think I kinda ruined some of them..." She was shyly pulling at the wrapper of her straw and smiling at him from behind the rim of her glasses. As if the memory was enjoyable even if it was so recent. Aizawa made a 'tsk' sound and slumped forward.

"Didn't know you two were already so friendly, already on to first names... Moving a bit fast aren't you All Might?" They both sat confused for a moment trying to determine their colleagues motives and attitude. Toshi knew him as always standoffish and moody but this was something else. Only the sound of a rather loud and rather peppy ring ton cut through the tension at the table like a chirping knife. Scrambling for her phone she took one glance at the screen and waved her hand at Aizawa "S-sorry I need to take this do you mind?" While he looked like he most certainly did mind he did the decent thing a stood, only enough that she was still forced to brush most of her body against him as she pulled herself from the booth and headed to the door. Both men staring each other down during the whole ordeal until the fellow teacher flopped down with a grunt. "Don't tell me you like them younger..."

Toshi felt like someone dumped ice water over his head. He sputtered out a bit of his tea and took the excuse to hide his face behind his napkin. "I-I'm sorry I don't think I follow you." That earned him a glare. "You're not stupid so don't act like it. She might think it's cute but I don't." Toshi sat up a little straighter, leveling his own glare at the dark haired man. "I couldn't care less what you do with your time or your title All Might, but going after another employee seems a bit close to home even for you. Couldn't you just pick up any of your fans? Keep your privet business off school property? It would be troublesome if it came down on the school or you started drama between coworkers...." Toshi clenched his fists in his lap. Aizawa was always blunt but this was bordering on rude. Still he wasn't really 'wrong'. Mislead, condescending and indecent but not wrong.  The thoughts swirling around inside Toshi were confusing yes but they were also honest. He didn't choose to feel this way and truth be told he wasn't even sure what he was feeling. It was all so new for him in so many different ways and the confrontation about them so harshly put was jarring. But he knew how he felt, and he hoped he knew how she felt. Glancing outside he watched her happily chat away on her phone. Cupping her mouth and speaking softly as people walked by as to not be rude. Once she caught him staring she smiled and gave him a little wave and he was sure he saw her cheeks paint a light pink. That smile meant the world to him and he would be damned if anyone, even a 'friend' was going to take that away from him.

Turning back to a pissed off looking Aizawa he cleared his throat. "I'm not sure what you know...how much she told you but if you think my interest in her is indecent...." he would be right, the dream he had last night was the epitome of it "Not that it's any of your business," He added, taking a sip of his tea for good measure. "...we are friends above all else. I offered to help her during her time at UA and we both enjoy each others company. I can't help but wonder what it matters to you Aizawa, it's not like you to poke around in other peoples business." If Toshi didn't know any better he could have sworn he saw a blush flash across the sullen mans face. Ever so slightly hidden as he scrunched down and used his scarf as a shield. "She wouldn't shut up about you..." Aizawa muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets so he could lounge back against the booth. "The second she saw me she told me she was meeting you and she had this 'look'...she's my age All Might...." Now he sounded like a protective older brother and Toshi couldn't find it in him to be angry about that. "And you're the symbol of peace. Think about her...your spot light comes with risks and pressure. And I wasn't just blowing smoke about the schools image. If this goes down wrong-" Toshi held up a hand and surprisingly it stopped his little speech. "If that's your concern I can assure you both of us are consenting adults. Nothing has gone on between us that is any of your concern...but has been nothing more than friendly."

Aizawa gave him a look that spilled over into disbelief. The way they looked at each other was not just on friendly terms. Even with all his intrusive behavior, blunt conversation and general looming presence the two of them oozed a level of chemistry Aizawa had never seen before. At least not in person. It was kind of disgusting to watch the great All Might all glassy eyed and smitten even in his weak state. And she was no better. It was easy to fluster her truth be told. He learned that the first day they met when he stood a bit too close to her and glared down at her trying to give off his 'just leave me alone' attitude without words. She all but hid behind her clip board and shuffled behind her tiny grandma for support. The great Paladin who could take a beating better than any pro hero on the market was out done by personal space and eye contact. Though he was loathed to admit it these two idiots were made for each other. She also had a pension for sticking her nose in other peoples emotional business, and from the way All Might carried himself the man needed a good scream cry or two.

Giving a shrug as if he was indifferent to his words Aizawa stood from his spot and started to lumber away. "I won't make this easy for you All Might. You haven't needed to fight for anything in a while...so call it a strategical test of will." His eyes wild and blown wide as he stared back at the number one hero, all teeth and unease. "You'll have to fight for it like the rest of us." And with that cryptic message he was off and out the door. She stopped him as he tried to sneak away and earned herself another head pat but it seemed like little else as Toshi watched his fellow teacher stalk off to towards the school. What the hell was that suppose to mean 'fight for it'? Wasn't that what he was already doing. Losing sleep and suffering though what he could only assume was cardiac arrest each time he had to so much as talk to her? It had only been a day since he even admitted his own feelings to himself and already he apparently had some twisted rivalry with a fellow teacher. Did that mean Aizawa had feeling for the new nurse too? Did they spend time together outside of work as well? Too many thoughts buzzed around inside his head and he downed his cooling tea in one gulp out of frustration.

"Sorry about that! Grandma needed some information on the applying student files I organized the other day. I messed up and forgot that here you guys use last names more often than first...." she was flustered but otherwise seemed normal. Sliding back into her seat but this time directly across from him. "My first real day as a nurse and it will be a seriously dangerous entrance exam. Talk about stressful. And speaking of what was up with Mr. Aizawa? He normally acts like he can't stand to be around me....strange change, maybe he fell out of bed this morning and hit his head..." the image was enough to make them both chuckle.

Toshi carefully, and oh so slowly reached out and brushed his fingers across her hand that was resting on the table. "Don't worry about either of them. You'll do great, you're more than qualified and your put your heart in everything you do. I'm sure those kids will be in good hands. Besides the entrance exam wasn't too bad for me when I started out." She suddenly had this funny look on her face. Puffy cheeks and glittering eyes. "Oh geez I wonder what a young Toshi looked like back then. I bet you were super tall right? Like much taller than your classmates?" she teased and it caused him to blush as it always did. "Something like that. I didn't look like this I can tell you that much...." "Ohh like a meat head? You know all buff and strong like your hero form?" She tried to pose and flex her arm a bit and it worked in getting him to laugh along with her. "Nothing like that...I'll see if I can dig up some old pictures. Young Midoriya would love that I'm sure...."

With that they both lulled into a quiet conversation about Midoriya's training, her own work with Recovery Girl, the day ahead filled with filing papers and filling out forums. Anything and everything. And as they spoke they leaned closer and closer to each other until to the outside world it looked far more like a date than either of them intended. Their hands still brushed close on the table.

[ask-hunterxhunter]

How do you think the adult trio would have been had they a chance to grow up in a normal stable family? Are their behaviors (mostly) a product of nature or nurture?

This is actually a very good question. I honestly believe that, inmost cases, nurture wins against nature. I’ll try to give my analysis ofeach case. Now, I just read a little about psychology for fun (and because I loveit), I’m not an expert and this is how I see things. It doesn’t mean, at all,that I am right.

Hisoka

The whole fandom agrees that something happened to Hisoka and verylikely made him into what he is today, but how much of this is connectedto the present is anyone’s guess. I think I mentioned how I noticed that Machi thought that Hisoka doesn’t talk about the “past” (being specific about it) and how hedisplays a desire to be in control of his own life, to the point he doesn’t open up to people (which seems to be more related to his personality ratherthan lifestyle). Also, note that Hisoka is part of the main characters (not the core ones, but important enough) and yet, nothing about his past has everbeen shown or mentioned. Even with the Spiders we at least had a briefflashback of Chrollo and some explanation about the Meteor City, which can give us some ideas of how things were for those who grew up there. Heck, Togashi has told us the background of characters that are not as much part of the main plot.

With Hisoka? Nope, nada, zero. The guy may as well have fallen from thesky with his Nen activated and searching for an opponent.

It keeps going back to Hisoka’s past. Contrary to Pariston, whoseems to be a born sociopath (perhaps even a complete psychopath), this makes me think that something seems to have pushed Hisoka. Even we can’t besure of how much of what he has displayed is genuine or a façade that he keeps around others (we have rarely seen him by himself) or the levels of disordershe seems (or most certainly) has.

Is it all connected to his past? We have no means of knowing. Hehas an intense bloodthirst and is always seeking opponents. Hey, maybe he was into fighting since he was a child anyway. He seems uninterested in formingbonds with people. Has he been betrayed at some point? Has he experienced atraumatic loss? We don’t know.

However, I do think most (if not all of it) is connected tosome event, if only for how twisted Hisoka is. So, it follows that if his life hadbeen different, if he had had a safe and stable environment, he would not bethe same he is today.

Would he still be into fighting? Possibly. I, at least, find it hard to imagine Hisoka not into fighting, though he wouldn’t be that much of a sadist (even if it remained his “call”) and might have emotional bonds with others regardless of their strength (he wouldn’t judge people based on this). Depending on his “family” and other events, he might have been a man who would actually use his Nen in order to help others. 

Illumi

Definitely yes. No question about it. We just have to look at thewhole Zoldyck family and Illumi’s own behavior and words in several occasions.For crying out loud, Killua was chained and whipped when he returned home (itdoesn’t matter if he broke the chains and his pain tolerance is high, thegesture alone is disturbing by its very nature and the insight it gives us tothe workings of the Zoldyck as a family does not paint them in a positivelight). Besides, with Illumi being the eldest, it is very possible his trainingwas even more severe due to being only child for a while and future head of thefamily, until Silva and Kikyo decided Killua would be the better option.

Just for a note, see the rest of the Zoldyck children as well… Alluka hasbeen caged almost all her life (and later she asked Killua if everyone elsewould be happier if she was dead basically), Milluki is just as focused in the familygoals and wants to please/impress his parents (he once seemed afraid of hisfather. Respect is something, fear is another), while appearing to almost neverleave the mansion. Kalluto shares a few similarities with Illumi and is also asadist that enjoys prolonging a fight just for his own amusement… While the Zoldycksclaim to love each other and maybe do/believe so, we cannot look at them andsay they aren’t toxic people (except Killua and Alluka, who got to break thecycle and escape) or that those children are examples of a healthy upbringing.

Does it all connect to the family’s “teachings”? Yes. And the fact theyare assassins doesn’t excuse any of this. If Togashi wanted, he could have madethe Zoldycks to be as dangerous as they are while having a far more stable/lovingrelationship between each other. There is a reason why this isn’t the case.

Illumi reached a point when being… Well, the way he is, is already hisnature and for what we can see, it is entirely connected to his family and whathe has been taught or rather, molded into being. I don’t even think thereis any hope for him. If you take away the “teachings” and “assassin business”,there is nothing left in Illumi. Whoever he was or whoever he could have beenis lost forever, there is only this walking, breathing result of years of training.And we all got a glimpse that he may not be as stable as we came to believe…

If Killua hadn’t been strongenough to break away from them, he might end up the same or even worse than his“big brother”.

So, if his family was different, then he would have been different. Forone, his displays of “affection” would not be tainted by the obsession withcontrol and his love for his siblings would be genuine. Somecharacteristics of his might remain (since we know nothing of how he was orcould have been), but he would be a far more stable person and even if he wasto become an assassin, he would have more morals. He surely wouldn’t be againstKillua choosing another path in life (hell, he might even want somethingbetter for his little brother) or having friends.

 Chrollo

For some reason, I always feel that Chrollo ends up standing somewherebetween the extremes that Hisoka and Illumi represent and the same applieshere, though it is more about how (little) we know of Chrollo’s life and evenhis ending goals. It is more than we know regarding Hisoka, but not as much as we know of Illumi. While writing this, I found myself oscillating between “yes”and “no”. Out of the three of them, Chrollo at times ends up being the hardestto analyze depending on the subject…

Is Chrollo a born sociopath who is using the unfairness of society as anexcuse to achieve his own personal goals and act upon his own bloodthirst orhas this unfairness pushed him into taking what he considers a necessary attitudedue to lack of any other option?

I think, in the end, there is something seriously wrong withChrollo. The things he has done are far too extreme… Perhaps he is even moretwisted than Hisoka or Illumi.

We know he started the Phantom Troupe but while we can guess the main reasonsfor that, we have yet to actually hear them and also what Chrollo hopesto ultimately achieve with his actions (due to his behavior, it seems improbablehe doesn’t have anything like that and is truly “just” a thief. In a way, itseems to be that this is a means towards a bigger end). We know he came fromMeteor City… And what has been shown of it is pretty depressing. That is not aplace that seems to offer chances of a good life, being basically a “junkyard city”and people there don’t even have official records of existence. It is a way ofsaying they there are also unwanted trash. So, we can assume that Chrollo’slife has not been easy.  

 And with everything we know of Chrollo directly connected to the Spider, it’shard to dissociate one from the other. What has turned him into what he istoday exactly?

Like Hisoka and Illumi, Chrollo has no care for human beings and evensaid he sees no difference between them and a puppet but does care for theother members of the Spider. And when returning home, the Troupe faced theChimera Ants, so the city is also the only other thing that matters for them ina personal level. Regardless of the sort of place that is, it is their home.Other than that, we don’t know of Chrollo’s story, parents or childhood.All we have are our own ideas and the options are many.

Honestly, just living in the Meteor City is not quite enough explanationfor his whole behavior, though: Many people go through harsh lives, awful situations,abuse or torture (be emotional, physical or mental) and do not end up like him. Hell, from what we’ve seen, Leorio came from a poorbackground, saw his friend die (when he could have been saved, just to twistthe knife) and is actually the opposite of Chrollo, someone who wants to save lives.

I’m not saying the misery of living in the Meteor City played nopart in who Chrollo is, let alone dismissing how horrible it must have been!Poverty is hell. Having to chose between buying food and paying the bills,being unable to afford medicine, those are hell enough, imagine how it musthave been in a city like that then! And sometimes, people get to the limit whenthey see no way out but to go to an extreme that they wouldn’t go otherwise.

 What I mean here is that, for what Chrollo has displayed, there may verywell be something more that made him turn into someone who torturesothers with such lack of empathy or remorse. For all we know, he may haveexperienced a traumatic event or loss, perhaps not very different from Leorio’s.

I think most, if not all of the situation, end up related to the creationof the Spider but I’m unsure of how much of it is connected to Chrollo’s personality. Even people from a loving, stable and healthy environment can end up twisted and this is not the parents’ (or anyone’s) fault. You can searchin the lives for the trigger that made them into sadistic killers and you won’tfind anything. Some people are just born psychopaths.

With Illumi and Hisoka is easier to be sure due to the motivations they display, their own desires and attitudes and the information we have onthem. Chrollo’s motivations are intertwined with the Spider, so much that he hasstated that it and what it represents are above his own life. This last detailmakes it hard to consider he is using the Spider as an excuse for hisown goals, but… What if he is lying and manipulating the others? It’s not easyto tell.

Now, personally speaking, I think we need more information about him asa person and of his life before the creation of the Spider to be completelysure… Would he have been better if the circumstances of his life weredifferent? It is very possible. Would he have been a criminal anyway, if onlywith some differences? Also possible.

When he talks about the Spider, I lean towards the first option… But thereare some moments, such as when Gon asked him how he could kill people who havenothing to do with him and how Senritsu reacted to his heartbeat that make meseriously lean towards the second one…

[blake-wukong]

Rwby Zodiac Headcanon

Ruby-Scorpio

Weiss-Virgo (Possibly on the Leo-Virgo cusp, but still mainly Virgo)

Blake-Aquarius (Also possibly on the Capricorn-Aquarius cusp, but mainly an Aquarius)

Yang-Sagittarius

Now I haven’t decided on the others what their signs may be, I’ll decide later. For now let’s forcus on these girls.

Ruby Rose, Scorpio

Now you’re probably “What Ruby a Scorpio? She’s too nice & happy to be a Scorpio. Scorpios are emos. That’s Blake.” Well a Scorpio being gloomy & emo is actually a huge stearotype. People assume this because a Scorpio likes to keep their secrets which is true. But that’s the thing. They can hide their emotions & secrets SO WELL that you probably are gonna assume they have no secrets to hide. Scorpios are actually very nice & usually very energetic people. Ruby has shown to display this while helping Jaune with his issues in volume one & through the series. She clearly enjoys fighting monsters & gets very excited when meeting hunters/huntress. She is also resourceful, since multiple time when it comes to fights. Protective of course, she tried to save Penny & Pyrrha. Powerful both physically & mentally. By being mentally powerful means that you can stand strong through a lot of shit. Passionate about all the things she does; hunting monsters, planning parties, etc. One of her negatives is that she, like a Scorpio, is snobbish, stubborn, & lowkey HIGH key seeks revenge. When she first met Weiss they refuse to listen to each other & Ruby was in fact acting quite snobbish in a brat kind of way. Although not seen in the show, the manga definitely shows Ruby wanting to get revenge on Cardin. That’s a thing about Scorpios, those who did them wrong are always on their mind & Scorpios seek revenge against them. They may not show it, but they’re sure as hell thinking about it. Never underestimate a Scorpio. (& a lot of people underestimate her.) As for the emotions. Ruby never talks about how she’s feeling. EVER. She only did it once & that was in front of Oscar & even then it just so little information. It takes a long time for them to open up & when they do, they make it seem like you know exactly what their going through. Surprise bitch. You don’t. Especially since Scorpios can be optimistic as hell so you can never tell what they really thinking or feeling.

Weiss Schnee, Virgo

“Wow so typical. Why is it cause she seeks perfection?” Well yes & no. That is not the only reason why Weiss is a Virgo. It’s funny how people think Virgo seeks perfection & that’s it. But there is so much more to Weiss & Virgos. It’s true at first glance Weiss may seek perfection, but it’s more. When meeting a Virgo/Weiss they may seem boring due to the fact they are everything “good.” Weiss is punctual, she wants to be on time. She is hard working, at home she practices her summoning skills & at school she does her studies, practices with dust & her semblance, etc. She is shown to be responsible, & self disciplined. When making mistakes she owns up to them & apologizes. Organized, check. Analytical? Yup. She analyzes people very well. Blake is an example. Yes Weiss is well aware that Blake is quite & moody but when she was stress, Weiss was the one that called out her behavior. When she was talking with Yang, she admits that she knew what her father really wanted from her mother, she even called out everybody at the party because she knew nobody cared about the other kingdoms. Weiss, like Virgos, is also very wise & very sensitive. This sensitiveity is actually a strength since they can feel, they can understand how others feel & it helps them become wiser & help others with their problems. It’s true that at first Weiss, like Virgos, is indifferent towards others & their feelings. But as she opens up, she is actually quite sympathetic. This example would be with Yang when they were talking about Blake running away & how it hurt Yang. They can also be anxious, Weiss feeling anxious about her dad & how her sister feels. They can be selective, Weiss wondering which napkin to pick. Indifferent, Weiss is known to be cold. Weiss is also logical, choosing facts over emotions. Now over the past. This is shown when she said she doesn’t care if Blake was part of the WF as long as she isn’t anymore. As for her probably being a Leo? Well I believe she is on the Cusp, but mainly on the Virgo said. The only reasons why she might be a Leo is because she wanted to be the leader & how she was referenced to being a daddy’s girl when she really wasn’t.

Blake Belladonna, Aquarius

Ok so here’s why Blake is an Aquarius & possibly a Capricorn-Aquarius cusp. So the only thing that I can think of that is Capricorn about her is how she acts in the beginning. Earth signs, (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn) can be so rude, mean & quiet. So yea Blake was like that with Weiss, but after a while usually a week an Aquarius is super open & friendly. Capricorns aren’t though, it takes them a while. So the opening up part, especially since it took Blake three volumes to finally show some facial expressions. But she mostly shows signs of being Aquarius. Out of all the zodiac, Aquarius is known for being the most rebellious. They go against the flow. A lot of people see Blake as the rebel since half of the faunus fight for superiority & the other half chose not to fight at all. Blake seems like to be the only to fight for equality & peace in the most peaceful way. Speaking of which, Aquarius are also known for being the “one of a kind, limited edition, one in a million,” type of person. She is the only Faunus that we know who chose to hid who she is, is the only Faunus in her team, & is the main one who wants to fight for equality in the peaceful way. Sure there’s her dad, but before him it was just Blake. She’s also very faithful about her cause & Ilia. She believes her cause & her way of protest will help the Faunus & when it came to Ilia she believe she could changed her & she did. According to the zodiac, Aquarius are very creative. I can’t think of moment were she created something. I guess when she created the fire to see that was smart. But that was more resourceful than creative. She’s definitely idealistic, believing in peace & all that. A negative is that Aquarius are detached. “Detached from what?” From their emotions. Most air signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius) are very detached. We don’t ever see Blake mention emotions. She’s felt scared, she mentions that she loves her friends, but that’s it. Yes Aquarius are detached but that doesn’t mean they don’t know what emotions they have every once in a while. She didn’t know how to talk to her dad, she describes Adam as passion not love, describes RWY as words not emotions. So it’s not an easy topic for Blake to talk about when it comes to emotions. I should also mention thag Aquarius due know how to keep their cool & appear emotionless upon first meeting. They are also very intelligent; she knew who Weiss was, very political, etc. Can be capricious which is seen all over in volume 4 & 5. She can be difficult to manage sometimes, at least trying to understand. Also very independent considering she was able to take care of herself away from home, with Adam, & at the Beacon.

Yang Xaio Long, Sagittarius

Ok I can talk about this for hours. Let’s start off with the basics. First off she’s a fire sign. Which means she has a hot temper, confident, full of action & fun. Yang is actually very honest, Blake had to smack her to remind her she needs a fliter. “It’s not a shirt & tie kind of place.” “Yea, we notice.” Athletic. Technically speaking, she does work out to become a better fighter. She is straight-forward & like Virgo, Sagittarius can be very wise. This is seen when Yang helps Blake get herself together im volume 2. Laid back. Although Yang does have a temper, she’s also very relaxed & is a very much cool person. Logical. She knows when to focus on mission & when Weiss & Ruby were having issues the best logical thing to do is to start over maybe. Confidence. She knows she’s not the best, but she knows she’s good enough to pass her classes with flying colors. Good humored. Personally I dislike puns, but some people like them. It’s a good trait to have really. She is also optimistic, always looking into the good. This isn’t always present. But in Weiss-Xiao-Long’s FreezerBurn post, Yang does wqnt to be mad at Blake but her open-mindedness is telling her to understand her. I’m pretty Weiss did slightly help Yang be optimistic again. Sagittarius people love to travel & explore. Yang’s goal was to explore the world & wants to go with the flow, becoming a huntress to defend herself & help people along the way. Commitment issues. Sagittarius don’t like being in a relationship cause they don’t want to be held back & they also fear being hurt & tend fl built walls around themselves. This is shown when Yang doesn’t like getting close to people because of her abandonment issues. At certain times she can tactless & reckless; such as blindly going up against Adam & almost getting to a fight with Raven & her whole damn tribe. She’s not impassive although sometimes it is hard to tell what emotions she feelings towards certain things. When she was speaking with Raven in the tent with Weiss, Yang was acting arrogant, but in reality she really was listening. I just don’t see any other sign that suits her. There is Leo, but I guess that would only make sense with her basic stuff (hot headed, confident, action & fun) & Leos care about how they look. Yang cares about her hair. So that’s the only reason why she could be a Leo, but I mostly see her as a Sagittarius.

Well that’s pretty much what I have for now. I’m open for discussion & excuse the bad grammar. I was too lazy to pre check. Also keep in mind I only looked into their Sun Sign not their Moon, Rising, Venus, or Mars Sign. I might check later.

[colorofinsanity]

Sandalwood

Maybe trigger warning, themes of PTSD. 

“Come now, Systina.” the faerie purred. “You and I were made for each other! Together we could propel our kingdoms into further greatness.” His grip tightened on her wrist, a small action that kept Morgan pinned and betrayed his kind smile and soft speech.

“I don’t need your greatness.” Morgan retorted, trying to twist out of his grasp. “And if you continue to annoy me, I might do something violent…”

A taunting expression appeared on the faerie’s face. He took pleasure in Morgan’s obvious discomfort, though was unheeding of the steel in her eye and the venom in her threat. He pulled her wrist, forcing her to lean closer to him, nearly unbalancing her from her seat.

“Don’t be rude, Systina. You wouldn’t dare to defy a god, would you? Especially when he’s been so kind as to offer a place at his side…”

Morgan scoffed, a flash of anger riling up. It took much of her dwindling willpower not to strike at the faerie. Violence was forbidden at this convention of fae monarchs. Morgan, personally, did not want to offend the King that hosted them, as she held great respect for him.

The faerie before her, though, was undeserving of any sort of that respect.

“I am just as much a god as you.” Morgan hissed, rising from her seat to tower over her tormentor. “Do you claim the Vanir lesser than the Tuatha? Or do you only claim I am lesser than you?”

Morgan’s wrist became hot as iron, burning the faerie’s hand with dragon fire. He recoiled out of his stool, releasing her with a suppressed yelp.

The faerie’s behavior was one thing; an enormous thing, to be sure, but it was his perfume that really set Morgan off. She was overly sensitive to such smells to begin with, but the sickening sweetness of it filled her sinuses, recalling unwanted memories of blinding light and burning cold.

“Why you-” growled the offending faerie. He raised an arm as if to strike her. Blue flames crackled at Morgan’s fingertips. No one had noticed yet, but it seemed the convention was quickly spiraling into chaos.

“Is there a problem?” asked a deep, level voice that was welcome to Morgan’s ears. A knight serving under their host inserted himself between Morgan and the faerie, a six by four wall of black armor and intimidation. Even better, it was a knight Morgan knew.

“It seems your company is unwelcome,” the knight continued, “It would bring my lord great pain if Lady Systina was distressed.”

The faerie glowered. For all his entitlement, he seemed unwilling to defy the knight, and by proxy their host.

“This isn’t over, Systina.” the faerie threatened over his shoulder, turning away and taking his leave.

Given the moment to think, Morgan took a shuddering breath. Her hands were shaking, she realized. She pushed her hair out of her face, trying to regain a modicum of calm.

“I… ah, thank you, Sable.” She spoke to the knight, trying to force her voice to be clear and level. It didn’t work.

“Are you alright, Milady?” Sable asked, turning to her. “I did not think it characteristic of you to lose composure so easily.”

“Oh. Yes, I am… I’m just… useless with this sort of thing.” Morgan gestured vaguely. “I can handle all the usual flirting, but taken to this level…” She gave a short mirthless laugh. “It brings, ah, bad memories…”

A mixed look of sympathy and disgust crossed Sable’s face.

“I see. Then I will not pry, Milady. But tell me. Who is that faerie? I will report him to my master. I assure you, he will not tolerate this harassment.”

“The idiot thing is,” Morgan sighed, “that bastard hasn’t had the decency to give me his name. But then, if he did, I would curse him blind. I know he is of the Tuatha de Dannan, if that helps at all.”

“...Yes. That helps.” Sable spoke slowly, committing the faerie’s face to memory. Such an amoral creature had no place in the world his master meant to build.

A silence passed between them. Morgan did not notice it as much, preoccupied by the jagged thought and memories she tried to avoid. She crossed her arms in an attempt to still her shaking hands. A hissing hatred seethed in her chest.

“Fae like him are no better than the humans we abandoned.” she hissed to herself. Sable gave a slight nod, almost in agreement.

“I… hah… sorry.” Morgan said, shaking herself back to reality. “Thank you, Sable. Truly. I might have done something incredibly inconvenient if you hadn’t shown up.”

The perfume of the faerie still lingered. It was making her dizzy. She had to leave. For her own sanity, at least.

“Think nothing of it, milady.” Sable nodded. “I am only carrying out my duties.”

The silence between them dragged out long enough to be awkward. Just as Morgan was about to make her excuses to leave, she heard a clatter of heeled shoes. Looking past Sable’s shoulder, Morgan met the gaze of Mahri, a retainer of hers. An unconscious sigh of relief fluttered in her chest.

Mahri swayed through the crowd with a self-satisfied smirk resting on her face. She managed to look like she owned the place, despite definitely being the youngest faerie present. However, as she neared Morgan, her cocky expression melted off her face as it became clear how uncomfortable Morgan was. Mahri’s pace quickened toward her.

Morgan took the few steps around Sable to meet her.

“Ah, Mahri.” she greeted in a half-baked facade of normalcy. She got unexpectedly close to Mahri, taking her arm as though she were some kind of gentleman. Mahri was taken totally aback, unused to such familiar treatment.

“Master? What’s wrong?” Mahri asked, flashing a dirty look at Sable.

“No, it’s not him, Firebird. Just… stay close, please.”Morgan begged softly.

Sable took a moment to observe Mahri.

“If you find yourself in good company, Lady Systina, then I shall take my leave.”

“Yes.” Morgan nodded. “Thank you, Sable.”

With a small bow of his head, Sable disappeared into the dense crowd.

Mahri, usually, would have tracked him as he left, but she was distracted by the faerie at her side.

“Master, you are trembling.” Mahri made the observation bluntly, unable to quite process what she was seeing. Morgan was folded in on herself, her posture small and hidden. Her hands gripped Mahri’s forearm, their bodies mere inches apart.

Mahri didn’t recognize the emotion in her chest nor the expression on her face. She was such a young flame, but already she missed the days when lust and pride were the only things she needed to understand. But today, Morgan needed someone by her side, and Mahri was the only one available.

Mahri, with no small amount of hesitance, pulled Morgan nearer to her. Their arms linked, Mahri played the role of escort, taking Morgan from the crowd with all the great dignity she could muster.

Morgan felt dizzy, unsteady on her feet, the memory of the smell of his perfume enough to make her ill. Mahri, the flare of dragonfire she was, smelled near obnoxiously of ozone, which is why Morgan couldn’t seem to get close enough. The smell of fire burned her lungs and sinuses, purging them of the ghosts of cologne. Mahri’s fire was the smell of home, of her kin and of comfort. It scorched away all else.

Mahri guided Morgan from the crowd, out of the hall and into the gardens. The cool night wind also did a great deal to chase away the offending scent.

They walked a ways down the path, until the sounds of the gathered fae faded. It was here that Mahri stopped, needing answers and explanations. Anything to relive the damned heaviness in her chest.

“Master.” she began strongly, but a soon as the address was out, hesitance creeped in by way of the rock in her chest. “Master, please....” she tried again, the word unfamiliar to her. It stung her tongue. “Tell me what is wrong.”

Morgan’s shoulders were slumped in, her spine curved forward. Her hair covered her face, but Mahri could still see Morgan’s glassy and unfocused gaze. Mahri wanted to shake her, but… something told her that wouldn’t help.

Somewhere, in the back of Morgan’s mind, she knew she was shut down. She knew she should come back to reality, that Mahri was worried about her, that she was acting strange…

But she couldn’t just turn back on. She wished she could. How could she be brought so low, by someone so insignificant? How could someone so easily bring her back to those white rooms and cold touches? To that smell that heralded the coming of her torturer…

It was cold out here. Morgan loved the cold. The night air. It was too cold. So cold it burned. It blistered and blackened and-

Mahri had pulled away from Morgan and held her at arm’s reach, but with a yelp Morgan closed the gap between them, her fingers digging into both Mahri’s arms.

Mahri stumbled back at the sudden burst of sound and panicked movement, shock written across her face. She regained her balance, gingerly holding Morgan without making too much contact.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” Morgan muttered. “Bad dreams, bad memories. Sorry. Sorry, I…”

With a shaky breath, Morgan pulled back. Mahri released her, but didn’t allow her to stray too far. Now Morgan had scared her.

“I… ha… sorry…” Morgan pushed her hair out of her face with shaking hands. It was not lost on her what effect her episode was having on her poor vassel. She had never been exposed to this side of Morgan, and Morgan would have preferred if she had never found out.

“Sorry, sorry.” Morgan mumbled again. She wanted to back away further, but at the same time couldn’t bear the thought. For now, Mahri’s ozone and warmth were the only anchors she had to reality. She didn’t want to part from that, and she especially didn’t want anyone inside to see this. To see what wounds the Queen Systina bore.

“Sorry.” Morgan said once more, gaining more of a handle on herself. She could feel Mahri’s distress growing, and immediately felt the need to put her at ease.

“I’m… I’m okay now.” Morgan said. It was a lie, but… “I’ll be okay. I just… I need a minute.”

“Master, you have to tell me what’s wrong.” Mahri’s voice was level, her face was less so. “Are you ill? Should I find Lord Vath?”

“Yes… or…” Yes, Vath knew better how to handle Morgan’s episodes. However, if Mahri was sent to find him, Morgan would be left on her own. “No, no, just… ah… can you… walk me to our room? Then look for him.”

Morgan swallowed hard, unwilling to make eye contact with Mahri.

“I, uh… I shouldn’t be left alone.” she went on. “I’m sorry, Firebird, I just… I can’t talk about it. Not now. I… I’ll explain later. I promise.”

Mahri sighed, trying to force the weight in her chest to dispel in that breath. Her master had given her an order. That she could deal with.

Mahri laced Morgan’s arm though hers, carrying all the dignity that Systina’s escort ought to have.

“Then let us go, my Queen.”

[sparda3g]

Attack on Titan Chapter 108 Review

Survey Corps may have their own problems at Paradis Island, but that won’t stop a war coming for them. Ever since they returned home, nothing has been sunshine and rainbow. Only depression and misery. Eren appeared to no longer care about his friends. Historia is pregnant for reason unknown. Everyone else is falling apart. Is there a solution to this mess? This chapter presented answers to many questions with a couple of interesting setup for certain characters, and a sign of a next grand chaotic battle.

There’s nothing more disgusting than a dinner with nothing but disgusting people. The only exception is Nile, Erwin’s old friend. He’s practically the only sane and good person in that table as the rest are celebrating for their accomplishment for apprehending Yelena and others. For the record, I still like Commander Pixis despite his action. It’s only because politics forced him to do the dirty work. Despite them enjoying Marley branded drinks, they don’t take people as friendly. That’s racist.

Their reason to backstab Zeke and others is because they don’t trust the fact he can use mind control or alter their memories. On one hand, it would have been seen reasonable, knowing Zeke still has a bad reputation with Paradis Island. On the other hand, Zeke’s group and Survey Corps built a trust for a while, so why start now. Even Nile doesn’t think like them, showing how selfless he is in compare. In short, the politic is still crappy as ever.

The revelation of Historia’s status begins to surface when Roeg spouts out their true plan. They intended to have Zeke makes his return and by surprise, a titan that would have been Historia comes in to eat him, so she can inherit the Beast Titan. They don’t plan to wait until Zeke is ready to pass down; bunch of assholes. It turns out her pregnancy isn’t part of their plan, rather a move to prevent them to use that plan. Kind of sad if the case is forced pregnancy. If being racist isn’t bad enough, the douchebag only saw her as a low-life girl with a name Queen attached. That’s sexist.

For pairing fans or fans in general who desperately wants to know the father, the answer is here. It’s some guy from the past who bullied Historia by throwing rock at her; maybe asking for attention. Around the present time, he worked at her orphanage to redeem himself. From there on, they got together. Unless you’re like my friend, that’s how the story was told; you might as well move on. Unless NTR is really poisonous to you.

The real problem for the douchebags isn’t the love story, but the timing of her pregnancy. She cannot be turn into a titan without any damage effect while carrying a child. To them, it’s fine for her to carry one, but the timing is too coincidence. Basically, they have an idea that someone hidden told Historia that she’s about to be used for their plan, so to prevent that, she and the guy did their thing. Now, she is pregnant. Perhaps that’s why she doesn’t look so happy for she is treated like a tool; leaving her no room to make her own decision. It also explains why the guy doesn’t sound cruel or anything. He cares about her.

The hidden person is said to be Yelena because according to their logic, Marleyan plus Zeke’s right hand person equal the mastermind. They have no proof, but they believe so since it stopped Zeke’s demise. It’s not confirmed who the culprit is, so we got something to think over. Although Historia is pregnant, Roeg is like, “The hell with it! Let’s make her into a titan.” Nile, the reasonable man, warns him that the side effect can be dire to the child or her. Good to see him again. Roeg practically ends the argument by stating nation over people. Why I am not surprised?

Basically, Historia’s pregnancy is planned to prevent the backstab plan, not that the politic forced her to do so. Even so, she’s still forced to be pregnant under different circumstance. That’s just sad. The dinner table scene pretty much clarified that those guys are still bunch of craps. They have the courtesy to obtain some Marleyans to be their butler; more like slaves than anything. Even poor Nicolo is dragged into this mess; still broken over Sasha. It would be fantastic if the drink is poisoned, though that would mean Zeke did hide something. I don’t mind though…

The scene with the Survey Corps in the room is discomforting and concerning. The first page set the tone of unsettling feeling about the whole fiasco. It’s clear the effect of Sasha’s death is still looming around them. Now that they know what happened to Yelena and others, it’s like everything keeps falling apart for them. The first flashback was a sign of hope and carefree; now, it’s just growing dreary.

It gets worse when Jean raise a concern with Eren and his possible backstabbing plan. He starts to question if Eren is working with Zeke behind their back, especially since Zeke did say his plan at Marley provided great results. Supposedly, they did talk before, yet no one knows the content. After the last chapter, it’s hard to understand Eren’s intention or attitude.

What’s startling is Connie. It’s clear that Sasha’s death affected him greatly. His glare to the window is telling how much he can’t take this anymore. It got to the point that he will show no remorse if Eren is a traitor. Even with Mikasa trying to stop him, he doesn’t hold back his anger; unusually shows dominance in his stand. Mikasa is trying to keep hopeful about Eren, but she is struggling to keep it up. This whole corps is slowly falling apart.

There’s another flashback scene; this time is them working together on building a railroad track as they’re waiting for the response. Isayama really like pulling this stunt with Sasha still around; almost feel like he regretted killing her off. Seriously, it’s a nice scene with them working together like a family. It’s amusing to see how everyone acted their ways, including Sasha hogging all the water and Mikasa carrying woods with ease.

They waited to see if Hiruzu can start an international relation with the rest of the world using the connection to Paradis Island as well as the human rights. Hange and Levi returned to deliver the news; it’s no good. It’s because Hiruzu is a greedy nation that refused to share the resources of Paradis Island with others. I knew that drool scene was a terrible sign. Greedy bi---. Excuse me. The human rights failed as well since nations only saw the group as eccentrics with no one willing to support the cause. Lastly, they saw Paradis Island as a convenient source of trouble, so to keep them united and stable, they will leave it as it is. What a crappy world.

I felt bad for them since they did hope, even if it’s little, that they can start a peace rally and not resort to the flattening the world plan. It sucks for Armin since he would have love everyone to stop fighting and not resort to become the world’s enemy. I got to credit Hange for trying to uplift the corps’ spirit. She nailed it on what made them special in the first place; investigate the unknown. I don’t know if there will be a flashback with them confronting the political world, but it could be the turning point for Eren’s transformation.

Probably my favorite scene of the chapter is the train ride. It’s not plot heavy, but it’s filled with charming and lighthearted moments from the characters. It’s amusing that while heading towards to their mission, they speak about what they should try and take from outside the walls’ resources. They’re hanging out like the good old times. It’s a shame that Zeke’s time is basically their time limit since he’s the source of the plan. They’re pressured to take it or doomed themselves. It comes down to the next question: who will inherit the titan after Eren?

This is the best part in my opinion. Mikasa wanted to take it, but Jean told her many drawbacks that prevent her to become it, including being an Ackerman. Imagine her as a titan though. She will be godly. Jean insisted for he felt that he will handle it with care; obviously taking a shot at Eren’s reckless behavior. Connie disagreed for they don’t want an “awesome” commander to be on a death clock. How nice. He insisted to take it, but Sasha disagreed because he is stupid. Why she had to die again? She wanted to, but Connie snapped back by calling her out on her contradiction. Nice comeback.

This got me laughing, but more importantly, awed by their friendships. What sealed it surprisingly is Eren’s thoughts. He doesn’t want anyone to inherit it, rather prefer for them to live long. It somewhat suggested that he will die and probably end the cycle. I don’t know if it works that way. The point is he cherished his friends. It’s funny how Eren actually blushed, which made the moment more awkward than it already is. Armin said it’s because of the color from the setting sun that made everyone seems blushing, which it did. I believe Eren did genuinely blush, but if not, his words still hold great value. It begs the question: why is he acting so different now.

Mikasa is standing by Eren’s side and claims that he’s still with them and have no intention to discard his friends like fodders. Jean, on the other hand, press on the doubtfulness on Eren’s trust and the disaster could have been avoided, let alone Sasha’s death. It’s a bit of a stretch to say Eren believed in everyone to fulfill the mission. That’s such a reckless and risky move altogether. That said I can oddly believe in Mikasa’s words, because Eren has shown great concerns of his friends. Then the bomb is dropped by none other than Connie.

Mikasa and Armin didn’t see Eren’s reaction to Sasha’s death, but we the fans did. Last time we saw him, he looked guilty and upset. However, Connie said he laughed, and Jean backs this up. I don’t know if the panel shot of Eren’s reaction is considered laughing, but if it’s true, I don’t know what to say. It must have happened after that said panel. That said it’s strange, considering we just saw him reacting like a caring man losing a friend. What is going on here?

Armin, the peacemaker of the group, calms the atmosphere and reassure everyone that Eren can negate Zeke’s ability. If that wasn’t the case, this series would end dark. However, if Zeke roams around with army of titans attacking everyone, then Eren isn’t negating the effect; thus, he’s with him. That is a logical explanation; always count on Armin to bring balance. What I didn’t expect is his solution to the problem.

Armin usually handle the problem in the most peaceful manner possible, especially with Eren involved. After that trip, he won’t hold back. It is fine to go and ask Eren about his agenda, and that would be the end of it. But Armin takes one step further. If he’s with Zeke, Armin suggests one to take the Titanization formula and eat Eren. Wow. What the hell?

I get that it’s a logical approach for safety measure, but this is his best friend we’re talking about. Even Mikasa is caught by surprise that he would suggest something like that. After going through the flashback, the irony couldn’t be any crazier. I don’t think it will come down to it, but I am seriously curious on Eren’s positon. This can be the final nail to the coffin (no pun intended?), the point of no return. Hopefully, the issue will be solved in the next chapter.

This chapter shifts the scene to where Falco and Gabi are located at; taking a small break. I know the fans despise Gabi tremendously, but I do like how Isayama is handling the case of a lost brainwashed child with a small sign of intellect. She is similar to Eren from the first chapter, but instead of striving to survive to kill all enemies, she is a lost cause. Falco, on the other hand, is more “free” to make choices of his own. When Gabi tells him to do whatever he pleases, he takes out her armband of Marley. It come across like a smartass remark, but he is trying to help her.

She reacts badly, like an obsessed person who don’t want the collection to be touched. I can’t fault her so much because it’s pretty abundant that she is like Reiner back in the day. The words she spouting is what a trained brainwashed warrior would say; willing to die by the name of the country. It's a bit sad to be honest. I also can’t fault her since she does prefer Falco to live and not go in her way to death. You got to respect her to be thoughtful at least, rather than “I hate everybody! Die!”

A girl appears in the forest, asking them what they’re up to. I heard the girl is the same one that Sasha rescued a long time ago. I don’t know if it is her, but if so, well, the detail is nice yet eerie. Another example of brainwashed Gabi is when she was preparing to kill her with a rock. It’s only a harmless girl, yet she’s willing to kill her. Thankfully, the suspense ends with no one getting hurt; only now Gabi and Falco are invited to her place. I wonder if it’s where Historia is at. This should be interesting.

The chapter closes with the aftermath of Marley; reminding how bad the damage was. Pretty grim to see a child with missing limbs. Surprisingly, Magath found out that Zeke has faked his death and allied with their enemy. He should have died first to avoid this smart observation. Actually, the credit can go to Pieck as well. She theorized that Zeke has planned this for four years, which is true, and used collaborators from inside the Marleyan Army, which is also true. Damn, she’s good. It also helps that the 3D Manoeuver Gear was upgraded with their own technology. So much for dumb villains’ syndrome.

Just before the hype to strike back was about to begin, Magath orders everyone that they will take the war back at Paradis Island in about half a year. Thank God for the power of time-skip. That said although bringing all countries’ army together sound pretty intimidating, that would leave Falco and Gabi alone. God speed is what I would say. Thankfully, I think, Reiner objects this plan, because he wants the hype rolling.

Seriously, either he’s smart or suicidal, he wants to attack them now. He believes Zeke is expecting them to attack later on, not immediately. If they do the opposite, it may corrupt his plan altogether. Reiner doesn’t want to wait; he wants to surprise attack. This is an interesting endpoint. Reiner seems to have reignited his spirit; probably because of Falco and Gabi, since he did call them his reason to live. He probably wants to attack now to save them and maybe along the way, take everyone down. I would joke and think he wants to die quicker this way, but really, I am glad to see him in firing spirit.

This was a pretty interesting setup chapter. There was a good amount of new answers and questions (of course), with plenty of moments to look forward to, including Eren’s agenda. If anything, this chapter set up plenty of point of no return. The series is good at changing your view with each chapter. I don’t know what to make of Eren but hopefully, it’s a misunderstanding. I don’t think the heated action will ensue next, but it has planted that seed. When the time comes, hell will break loose. It’s this series’ nature.

[its-bootyfullll]

Seungbae past ?

Hello KS fandom, I’m here to provides a little thingy about the scene between Seungbae and Bum and with that butterfly of the last chapter because I find it interesting ! So everything starts with Bum being disposed in the interrogation room. It’s interesting to point out how the officer is asking if Bum have eaten as if he was trying to be well mannered and respectful of Bum. But then in the next panel we get this :

We can see AND feel how Bum is still extremly uncomfortable. It might be a metaphor about how Bum is passive, he undergoes the situation alone.

Then it’s Seungbae’s turn to enter the room. He’s pensive.

Extremely pensive. It’s a win or lose everything situation.

It seems he’s remembering something and feels hurt. Hesitations about what he’s about to do or to say but he’s determined to do it anyway.

Then he enters the room. Sits down and explained to Bum that Sangwoo confessed, that he said everything about Min Jieun’s murder. That Sangwoo betrayed Bum. Betrayed for a murder that was orchestred by Sangwoo BUT realized by Bum under pression and psychotraumatic emotions. But the thing that’s interesting is that just after Seungbae continues with :

« I know… It’s ridiculous, isn’t it ? »

What ?! What does he mean if Sangwoo confessed that Bum is the killer, why would he says something like that ? Because Bum is actually the real killer. If Sangwoo was saying the truth why would the officers doubt about it ? The only answer is because they do think that Sangwoo is the murderer which means that Sangwoo never says anything. They need Bum’s confession to get something against Sangwoo. Or at least this is what I think.

Let’s keep going, after Seungbae finished his explanation, he starts talking not as an officer but as a victim himself. And by doing so he reached and gently touch Bum’s hand in a comforting way, for reassurance between two men that were abused.

But soon after he lets go. Why ? Probably because from now one we won’t get the truth, the real story.

Then he starts to share it. And his story is interesting.

His father was killed. Murdered. By someone that Seungbae’s father and He himself knew. Seungbae buy him a present with his own paychecks to allow his father to have a hobby, some time for himself. This was the first present from his son, a golf club. It was a cheap golf club, but the emotional value was up above any expensive gifts. Sadly his father injured his back and wasn't able to play anymore. Then Seungbae’s father lend his precious golf club to the neighbor.

Until there his story is okay, everything is normal. Troubles starts when that so-called « neighbor » never returned back the golf club.

Seungbae « became angry » with the « neighbor », but his behavior was disapprouved by his father. So he got angry at his father too. Seungbae worked hard for this gift so why would his father doesn't take care for it ?

He goes away.

The last time that Seungbae saw his father was during this argument.

After this explaination we get to see Seungbae running into the « neighbor » in front of his car. Yes, his car, the location seems important to me.

Seungbae confront the « neighbor » about the golf club. His expression reveals anger and probably hatred towards this person.

 The next panel shows Seungbae arms reaching to get the present back but he was stopped into his action. Stopped by the « neighbor » saying that this golf club was his.

Panels start to get redder and redder, and the « neighbor » even more suspicious.

Then this

His face is covered up by his hand and the person became mixed between Seungbae’s father and the « Neighbor ».

And there the character looks even more tense with a complete red background. This is extremely interesting because we can interpret this in differents ways. Something lies beneath this panel. And the next one is :

Did you notice ? Did you see the little thing that’s odd and off ?? THE SHIRT !! And the place, we are not in the parking anymore. And there’s a cellphone !

The « neighbor » became the father. The person to who Seungbae was talking just before BECAME the dead father lying on the ground. Shirts are the connection !

Once the flashback is done, Seungbae looks exhausted as if the past shared was much deeper than what’s been said and shown to us, spectators. What’s caught my intention was this sentence from him :

« He had to ruin it, as if it was some piece of meat. » « Some piece of meat ». What kind of meat ? I feel like there’s something doing with human flesh. Someone that was beat up and never respected can refer himself as « some piece of meat » right ? Was Seungbae referring to something like that ?

The next thing that his talking about is :

« To take what wasn’t his ». Now if we compare with what the neighbor/father says just before

« I’m telling you it’s mine »

Do you understand ? There is definetly something between Seungbae and his father. Something deeper and more frightening than we think.

Those words, I’m sure that it comes from personal experience.

« That man doesn’t love you »

Bum’s face explains it for you.

 Seungbae was at Bum’s place before. Seungbae was the one who was the victim, the one who wanted to be loved and got beat up like a piece of meat.

 And guess what ? I’m sure that the person who help/save him back then was

Chief kwak

What if back then Chief Kwak was the officier who interrogated Seungbae ?

What does he mean ? What he’s talking about ?

After this, we got the transition with Sangwoo. From a dead woman to him. He’s dead inside.

« He killed his family »

Who is « HE » ?? Sangwoo or Seungbae ?

The overshade is green, does this mean that a truth has been revealed to us ? If yes about who ?

Now, let’s talk about the Butterfly. It represents hope, the messenger of death, yes, but also changes, transition, rebirth. The yellow butterfly represents happiness and prosperity.

The shadows of the butterfly on Sangwoo’s head, the reflect of light in his eyes, everything tells us that Sangwoo is broken inside. He even gives a childish vibe, look at his face when look up.

Happiness, prosperity, changes that Oh Sangwoo desires but can’t reach.

Even if he tries.

The body that « belonged » to the father. Which father ? Which man are we talking about here ? I think it’s about Seungbae. This time we got Seungbae’s story.

« If he kill his parents why wouldn’t he kill you… »

This isn’t a question. It has never been one.

If Seungbae is responsible of his father death, I think that this sentence shows us his thoughts about it. He probably thinks bad of himself. Hates it.

« Remember… ?  When Seungbae made that mess… » The sentence is taking time, it’s something taboo, a subject that’s still too hurtful, too fresh. Too presents in minds.

This chapter was about Seungbae past. About who he is.

I do wonder if the golf club isn’t actually an excuse to hide something else. If the « neighbor » was only here to incarnate a certain personnality of Seungbae’s father.

What if the one who actually murder his family was the one who’s trying to save Bum ?

Seungbae, the police officer, representative of justice being the one who killed his family ?

Seungbae choosing the path of justice to repent himself from his acts.

The chapter ends on Bums wanting to see Sangwoo. On Seungbae seeing his help rejected.

It ends on a failure

A Bloody failure.

I hope that I wasn’t too boring and that everything makes senses !

If something is wrong or whatever feels free to say it :)

[overdrivels]

The Hanzo-disliking anon here. I would have actually preferred discussing this w/ you privately but I prefer to be on anon for the whole "doesn't like a beloved popular character" thing. The reason I don't like Hanzo is how he seems to have the audacity to act like the offended party with Genji when he's the one who did wrong. It's not even that he doesn't realize he did wrong. He abandoned his clan due to guilt. I can't for the life of me understand what appears to be his victim complex. (1/2)

(2/2) He goes around calling Genji “trash” to his face in the Japanese version of OW for goodness’ sake. That Genji is dead to him and stuff. It could be that he feels Genji betrayed him by refusing to join the Shimada business or that he feels like his redemption quest has been for nothing, but those are terrible reasons and don’t excuse his shitty behavior. I’ve been trying to think of what the writers are trying to go for with him, but I just can’t imagine anything that justifies his attitude

(3/2 I miscalculated 2 asks aren’t enough) I hope I didn’t come off as a jerk. I have no issue with people who like Hanzo and I don’t want to disrespect or undermine them. I’m just irritated at how self-entitled the character seems to be. The reason I actually brought this up with you is bc I was hoping you’d have some insights on this that will help me understand why he’s the way he is.

You’ve been very respectful in the way you express your opinions and well articulated in your reasons, so I’m actually extremely happy that you’ve presented this to me and feel comfortable enough to share. (You have no fucking clue how pleased I am to have a discussion like this, really.)

This is rather long (very long), so I’m placing this under a cut. To everyone else, please be mindful of each other’s opinions, especially when it’s being conveyed so civilly. Understandably, if you are of the opposite opinion, you may feel angered, but I ask that you refrain from attacking anyone and if need be, present your opinion and thoughts in the same manner as this anon.

(I also ask that this doesn’t get reblogged because I don’t think I can handle my inbox getting wrecked by people who weren’t initially a part of the conversation or know the context of the entire discussion leading up to this.)

I’d be happy to discuss it with you on chat or something, but as it is, this’ll have to work. I’m going to preface this by saying that Hanzo doesn’t need to be (shouldn’t need to be?) justified as a character because sometimes, a character does shitty things and that shittiness (shittyness?) needs to be acknowledged and not justified for any reason because there’s no good enough explanation.

(I’m sure we’ve all experienced or done something like that in real life–did something so inexcusable without proper explanation, but there really isn’t one, and we have to accept it as is.)

I think it’s easy to look at the singular action of Hanzo killing Genji in a vacuum. Based on that singular event alone, and seeing how Hanzo acts afterward, it’s very easy to paint him as an asshole whose actions are inexcusable and he doesn’t deserve to claim that he’s the one who is hurt. In which case, absolutely. He should not act like he’s been wronged when he’s the one who started it.

But what if we start further?  

I want to look at the cause and what could’ve led up to it. Not to justify it, but to see where this could’ve come from. It’s my own opinion, but I think that people are very used to writers having their characters as is–no background unless it’s relevant to the plot, no thought of what sort of life they’ve lead up to this point, and is presented as a given. However, I see that the Overwatch team has put some effort into characters (the level of effort can be debatable, but I’m not interested in debating that), so I want to show some level of respect to the writers by trying to dig a little deeper into where, why, how–who is this character?

And I think a lot of it may have come from Hanzo’s circumstance, his relations with his brother, and his past. To understand it, we have to take a deeper look into Japanese culture (or Asian culture, in general). Now, I can’t claim that I have a complete understanding of anything, so a lot of this is just what I know (and perhaps experiences) and some speculation and logical deductions.

In life, Genji was given a freedom that Hanzo, as the eldest and the heir to a criminal syndicate, never truly enjoyed. That isn’t to say, however, that Genji didn’t have his own fair share of troubles. 「一族の恥」(ichizoku no haji)、the clan’s shame/the embarrassment of the clan is what they called him. We can leave the discussion about Genji for another day, but let’s look at how this affects Hanzo.

So from birth and even after his father’s death, he was held to a strict standard. Everyone was watching him. He was chosen by the dragons. He must not make a mistake lest he bring shame to his entire family.

In Japanese culture (and Asian culture), losing face is probably one of the worst things that could happen to you. In Western culture, it’s not that big of a deal if you embarrass yourself a little or you’re not as successful or you don’t have the respect of your subordinates. People will tease you about it, and move on.

In Asian culture, you’re pretty much fucked. No one will let you forget it, it becomes a part of you now. You will lose the respect of everyone around you, and depending on the level of face you lose, every piece of success you’ve built up can be lost in a second. It is an integral part of your identity and society. Losing face could make you a nobody, scorned, and an outcast. It can affect your job, your family, relations with neighbors, cost you that raise or promotion–it’s a big deal that cannot be contained to the words, ‘embarrassment’ or ‘shame’.

(For example: you’re at someone’s house and you’ve finished off your glass of juice, but you’re still thirsty, so you reach for more from the fridge. You’ve now made the host lose face because, by getting your own drink, you’ve shown your host that they suck at what they do and should be more attentive to you, their guest. You’ve made your host lose face. Now your host is embarrassed and that’s going to be a mark on them for a long, long time. If there were other people there, they would notice this, too, and give that person shit. This sounds absolutely silly because it’s a glass of juice, but it’s a big deal.)

Hanzo was losing face. He couldn’t control his brother. That’s a deep scar on his image, on everything he’s built up in his life. For Sojiro, his father, it was less of a deal–he let Genji do it and probably made it openly known that this was acceptable. And no one will go against Sojiro, the master of the clan and who could have them all killed in an instant.

But Hanzo?

He doesn’t have that rapport yet, so he’s subject to the scorn and nasty comments of his elders and the like. (I’m assuming there are elders and those in the clan who are of a high power that Hanzo cannot take action without consulting. It’s kind of like a Japanese company. While a President delivers the decision, the decision isn’t made it without consulting those who are affected and knowledgeable.) He can’t defend himself against them. 

Why? 

Because of the hierarchy. There’s a very specific type of hierarchy in Japan that’s difficult to explain because to understand it, you have to understand the intricacies of the culture and the dynamic of the clan, which we don’t particularly have.

(There’s a very good post about it by someone about Hanzo losing face on tumblr, but I can’t seem to find it at the moment.)

Regardless, that must’ve built up a lot of tension and repressed anger that he wasn’t allowed to express. Expressing your anger is not taken the same way as in the Western world. It’s…well, not to say it’s not acceptable, but it’s not taken the same way as it would be outside of Japan.

So, Hanzo has quite a bit on his plate. Why can’t Genji just do what he’s told? Why does he have to stand out? (As a side note, standing out in Japanese culture or disrupting the status quo is not looked kindly upon.There’s even a saying in Japanese: a nail that stands out gets hammered ( 出る杭は打たれる ).) So Genji’s defiance is another point of contention. Why does he have to keep disobeying his elders? Hanzo is Genji’s older brother. It’s his absolute responsibility to make sure his brother is kept in line. That’s the burden of being the eldest. If Genji isn’t in line, Hanzo has failed in his basic duties in being an older brother. (The implications are much more serious, and I’m not quite sure how to express it.)

He may be acing his studies, and listening to his father, but he can’t seem to exert the right amount of authority over those who should be listening to him. And his father isn’t helping by letting Genji do what he wants. He also has this constant pressure to do better because his best isn’t enough from both his family and the clan. Logically, they wouldn’t follow someone who is weak or doesn’t have his shit in order. But he doesn’t. There’s always something tripping him up, and that’s his brother. Not to blame Genji, because again, he has his own share of troubles, but from Hanzo’s point of view, he was likely the source of a lot of his resentment.

In short, Hanzo is a failure. His accomplishments, his perfectionism, none of it means anything if he’s constantly getting shit thrown back at his face.

I seriously believe that all the lines he says in-game to himself such as, “Never second best,” or “Unworthy,” or “You will never amount to anything!” were all just Hanzo projecting.

In the Japanese version, he refers to Genji as 「くず」 (trash). I don’t know what to make of this. I could take the angle that it’s Hanzo projecting onto Genji still, or I could speculate that he truly believes he’s superior, or take it a little more neutrally, he’s repeating what everyone else calls Genji. But if I had to guess, it’s a mixture of everything. This is something that stumps me a little bit, but the above is the best explanation I have for it.

When Hanzo becomes the master of the clan, he was probably told to put Genji in line. And Genji didn’t want anything to do with the clan. He wanted to live his life, enjoy it. But that sort of enjoyment came with certain responsibilities that he has shirked since the time of their father. But with Hanzo as the new leader of the clan, he had to put Genji in line or…do something about it.

It’s very likely that the rest of the clan saw this as an opportunity to make their name good, to get rid of those who stood out, to right everything. Their new leader is young and inexperienced without his father to protect him. So, Hanzo was presented with those two choices: straighten Genji out or kill him lest you bring more shame to the clan.

Now, Hanzo is given an opportunity to redeem himself and his image and the clan’s image. This goes beyond the redemption quest he set out for after Genji’s death. I think he was on one even before then. He can save face and fix everything if he listens to his elders (his betters in the hierarchy). He can fix everything if he can get rid of the problem–Genji.

He did it. He did not take an insult to his power passively, he rectified it by putting an end to it. He restored confidence in his clan as an assassin, as master of the clan, as his brother.

…but it wasn’t so.

After killing his brother, we all know he left the Shimada clan. We’re not sure if it was immediately after or some time after. The timing may be very significant, but as we do not readily know, we’ll skip over it for now. We can easily call his leaving an act of cowardice, or the result of his guilt, or that he wanted to do something he always wanted to do but never found an opportunity to do so. He wanted to leave. He wanted the freedom that Genji had, but couldn’t have because his immediate family still existed.

By leaving, he thought for himself for once.

Ah, not to mean that he was blindly following anyone’s orders or anything, but for once, he thought of himself. He was selfish. In Japanese culture, the collective comes first. The clan, the whole of Hanamura, the whole of society comes first.

But for once, Hanzo became selfish, and so, left everything behind. Here’s the funny thing though, by killing Genji, he found a way out for his freedom, but by killing Genji, he also managed to never fully express the envy and hate he may have had for his brother.

In many or most cultures, you’re supposed to revere the dead. It’s pretty much the same in Japanese culture.

Now he’s been mourning for ten years, still unable to express that hate that he has supposed buried when he killed his brother. And guess who shows up? Genji. Back to sling shit into his face again. Not only is he a failure as a brother for being unable to keep his brother in line, as the master of the clan by leaving, but also as a killer by having one of his most life-altering kills come back from the grave.

So, under such circumstances, I would absolutely be pissed beyond hell and vent in almost any way I can because pride is a fragile thing. Or at least, it is for Hanzo.

But here’s an interesting thought: I also wonder if he knew, deep down, that it would come to this. He didn’t seem entirely too surprised beyond the first few seconds. As a matter of fact, he seemed to have gone back to something more childish, acting almost immediately like a big brother–scolding his younger brother for something and telling him to get his life together. He slips into the role almost too easily.

We can chalk it up to shock, but couldn’t it be that he also knew he never actually dealt the finishing blow and that’s been nagging at him this whole time? Not that he gave his brother a chance to live, but that he let his brother suffer. If you’re going to kill someone you love, you’d make it quick and painless, right? We can argue that he never loved his brother, but we can also argue that he was warring with himself and couldn’t bring himself to do it.

I must sound like a broken record, but to me, it’s very interesting to speculate and think about. There are so many angles we can take on this and the possibilities are endless. But it could also be that his character could also be very simple broken down as an man who mistakenly thinks he is being wronged all the time.

But yes, your thoughts are valid and meaningful to me in a way that I can’t explain. They also gave me some perspective on why some people might not like him, and I really want to thank you for helping me expand my horizons. In light of that, I hope I’ve been able to articulate why he may be the way he is, whether he is justified in his behavior or not is a completely different story. I’m just interested in why.

(There was a lot more I would’ve love to elaborate on, but I think this would’ve actually turned into a research paper. I hope this has been helpful and sufficient in answering your questions even though it’s a little disorganized in its presentation. Again, it’s perfectly fine to dislike a character–not all characters are made to be liked, and not all people are expected to like all characters.)

[restoringsanity]

Hello, my url is saltbearthekitten (I am a sideblog). I'm trying to pile together some psychological studies (links to, more like, but you get the drift) that can support our arguments. For ex: I've seen antis excusing their abusive behavior by claiming that they were abused, like being abused cannot in the end turn out an abuser. I want to help provide evidence to dispute these claims. Do you have any good readings you would recommend? Your blog is very refreshing and I binge read your posts.

I will make an effort to find an answer to the question “Can victims of abuse become abusers?”. It’s a 2226-words-long effort, so I’m putting it under a ‘read more’.

tl;dr: yeah, sure - but anyone can become an abuser or someone displaying abusive/manipulative behavior; there are people more likely to do so; meanwhile children/adolescents who have suffered child abuse or have been exposed to domestic violence are considerably more likely to display internalized/externalized behavioral issues - such as depression, anxiety, trauma, aggression, manipulative behavior.

“The Line between Victims and Abusers“ by Steven Stosny makes for insightful reading, but it’s a little dated (2009), and I don’t entirely agree with some of the patronizing wording. It still draws an interesting line between victims and abusers, and points out how victims can become abusive in their behavior.

“The victim protection movement began as a noble attempt to counteract the most insidious aspect of the abusive dynamic - blaming the victim, which has the effect of making the victim feel ashamed of being abused. But as is the case with all effective social movements, the pendulum has swung too far the other way. We now have a victim identity movement, fueled by an industry of self-help authors and advocates, that has conferred a certain status to being a victim and thereby blurred the line between victims and abusers.”

Note: This article is a think piece. Very strictly speaking, it doesn’t count as scientific data. The author seems quite proficient in his field though, hence why I’d argue it’s still representative of the subject.

I’m noticing there’s also a bit of a problem with the question you’re asking. When you ask “Can a victim of abuse become an abuser?”, the only possible answer to that is ‘yes’, because the subject of abuse isn’t strictly a matter of personal history. It’s also a matter of likelihood, plausibility and circumstance, as well as mental health, among other factors. It is entirely possible for a victim to become an abuser, for them to develop abusive mannerism and behavior, and for their ‘status’ as a victim to manifest itself in abusive coping mechanisms and/or mannerism and behavior that is similar to abusive mannerisms and behavior, but not the same. The question should rather be “Can anyone become an abuser?”, to which the answer is also ‘yes’. There are stages and degrees of abuse, and it’s not always equally severe, or even noticeable. Another question worth asking would be “What is abuse?” or “What is abusive behavior?”.

“Abusive power and control” (wikipedia article) gives a general overview in regards to how abusers gain and maintain control.

Here’s a very small excerpt,

Braiker identified the following ways that manipulators control their victims:[3]

- Positive reinforcement: includes praise, superficial charm, superficial sympathy (crocodile tears), excessive apologizing, money, approval, gifts, attention, facial expressions such as a forced laugh or smile, and public recognition.

- Negative reinforcement: involves removing one from a negative situation as a reward, e.g. "You won't have to do your homework if you allow me to do this to you."

- Intermittent or partial reinforcement: Partial or intermittent negative reinforcement can create an effective climate of fear and doubt. Partial or intermittent positive reinforcement can encourage the victim to persist.

- Punishment: includes nagging, yelling, the silent treatment, intimidation, threats, swearing, emotional blackmail, the guilt trip, sulking, crying, and playing the victim.

- Traumatic one-trial learning: using verbal abuse, explosive anger, or other intimidating behavior to establish dominance or superiority; even one incident of such behavior can condition or train victims to avoid upsetting, confronting or contradicting the manipulator.

Manipulators may have:[3]

- a strong need to attain feelings of power and superiority in relationships with others

- a want and need to feel in control

- a desire to gain a feeling of power over others in order to raise their perception of self-esteem.

Personality psychology also appears to play a considerable role,

In the study of personality psychology, certain personality disorders display characteristics involving the need to gain compliance or control over others:[10]

Those with antisocial personality disorder tend to display a glibness and grandiose sense of self-worth. Due to their shallow affect and lack of remorse or empathy, they are well suited to con and/or manipulate others into complying with their wishes.

Those with histrionic personality disorder need to be the center of attention; and in turn, draw people in so they may use (and eventually dispose of) their relationship.

Those with narcissistic personality disorder have an inflated self-importance, hypersensitivity to criticism and a sense of entitlement that compels them to persuade others to comply with their requests.

To maintain their self-esteem, and protect their vulnerable true selves, narcissists need to control others' behavior – particularly that of their children seen as extensions of themselves.[11]

Once more, the goal should rather be to identify abusive behavior. It’s not to find an absolute answer to the question “Who can or can’t be an abuser?”.

If you were to ask the question “Does a number of antis display abusive behavior?” my answer would be - yes, absolutely yes, holy fuck do they ever, yes. Not to mention that the ‘antis’ displaying said behavior then proceed to victim-blame/shame, seeing as how ‘antis’ firmly believe that their victims absolutely deserve being abused.

I could easily write an entire post about that alone, and I probably should.

Another aspect of the ‘Can victims become abusers?’ question would be the

“Abuse Defense” (wikipedia article), which describes the following,

The abuse defense is a criminal law defense in which the defendant argues that a prior history of abuse justifies violent retaliation. While the term most often refers to instances of child abuse or sexual assault, it also refers more generally to any attempt by the defense to use a syndrome or societal condition to deflect responsibility away from the defendant. Sometimes the concept is referred to as the abuse excuse, in particular by the critics of the idea that guilty people may use past victimization to diminish the responsibility for their crimes.[1]

When the abuser is the victim of the crime, as is often the case, the abuse excuse is sometimes used as a way to "put the victim on trial".

The Supreme Court of the United States has held on numerous occasions that the defendant should be permitted to present any information that they feel might affect sentencing. Despite this legal precedent, the availability of the abuse defense has been criticized by several legal experts, particularly in the aftermath of the trials of Lorena Bobbitt and the Menendez brothers. Legal scholar Alan Dershowitz has described the abuse excuse as a "lawless invitation to vigilantism".

Interestingly enough, this law is meant to take the dynamic between the abuser and the victim into consideration (and even then it’s highly contended). It does not refer to victims of abuse lashing out against people that were not implicit in their abuse.

“Behavioural consequences of child abuse” is a fairly recent (2013) research study, which describes how any type of abuse can affect children and adolescents in how they express themselves (- arguably, when left untreated, those behavioral issues might be carried over into adulthood).A small excerpt:

Effects of violence and neglect on attachment and brain development

A strong and secure attachment bond with a primary caregiver is the core of developing resilience and a healthy personality.7,8 It strengthens a child’s ability to cope with stress, regulates emotions, provides social support, and forms nurturing relationships.9 The world is experienced as a safe place in which to explore and develop independence. The child finds comfort and support from his or her caregiver when under stress. When children are abused, they might display disturbed forms of attachment and abnormal patterns of emotional response toward their caregivers. This might subsequently lead to a serious attachment disorder with symptoms such as those shown in Box 1.5–8

Box 1.Symptoms of attachment disorderThe following are symptoms of attachment disorder.

- An aversion to touch and physical affection: The child might flinch, laugh, or even say “ouch” when touched; rather than producing positive feelings, touch and affection are perceived as threats

- Control issues: The child might go to great lengths to prevent feeling helpless and remain in control; such children are often disobedient, defiant, and argumentative

- Anger problems: Anger might be expressed directly, in tantrums or acting out, or through manipulative, passive-aggressive behavior; the child might hide his or her anger in socially acceptable actions, like giving a high-5 that hurts or hugging someone too hard

- Difficulty showing genuine care and affection: The child might act inappropriately affectionate with strangers while displaying little or no affection toward his or her parents

- An underdeveloped conscience: The child might act like he or she does not have a conscience and might fail to show guilt, regret, or remorse after behaving badly

Finally, “The Effects of Child Abuse and Exposure to Domestic Violence on Adolescent Internalizing and Externalizing Behavior Problems”is another fairly recent (2010) study based on the “Lehigh Longitudinal Study”, ‘a prospective study of children and families begun in the 1970s to examine developmental consequences of child maltreatment’.

Abstract

“Results show that child abuse, domestic violence, and both in combination (i.e., dual exposure) increase a child’s risk for internalizing and externalizing outcomes in adolescence. When accounting for risk factors associated with additional stressors in the family and surrounding environment, only those children with dual exposure had an elevated risk of the tested outcomes compared to non-exposed youth. However, while there were some observable differences in the prediction of outcomes for children with dual exposure compared to those with single exposure (i.e., abuse only or exposure to domestic violence only), these difference were not statistically significant. Analyses showed that the effects of exposure for boys and girls are statistically comparable.”

Objectives and Rationale“In summary, the current study examines several outcomes in adolescence with known links to child adversity -- a range of internalizing and externalizing behaviors, depression, and delinquency. We hypothesize that: (1) violence exposure will increase a child’s risk for these outcomes, and (2) youth exposed to both child abuse and domestic violence will show an elevated risk for these outcomes over either type of abuse alone. Finally, we explore the role of gender as a possible moderator of childhood exposure on later outcomes in adolescence. The gender-balanced sample and longitudinal design of the current study allow tests of developmental relationships that are not possible in studies with cross-sectional data or in studies with only one gender.”

Relation between Child Abuse and Adverse Psychosocial Outcomes

“Numerous studies have demonstrated that experiencing child abuse can lead to a range of internalizing and externalizing behavior problems. For example, research has shown that abused children can exhibit a variety of psychological problems, including anxiety and depression (McLeer, Callaghan, Henry, & Wallen, 1994; McLeer et al., 1998). The effects of being abused persist into adolescence; teens who were abused as children are more likely to experience depression and other internalizing problems (Fergusson, Horwood, & Lynskey, 1996; Widom, 2000; Wolfe, 1999; Wolfe, Scott, Wekerle, & Pittman, 2001). Teens who were abused as children are also more likely to exhibit externalizing behavior problems, such as delinquency and violence perpetration (Fergusson et al., 1996; Fergusson & Lynskey, 1997; Hawkins et al., 1998; R. Herrenkohl, Egolf, & E. Herrenkohl, 1997; McCabe, Lucchini, Hough, Yeh, & Hazen, 2005; Smith & Thornberry, 1995; Widom, 2000; Wolfe, 1999).”

Relation Between Domestic Violence Exposure and Adverse Psychosocial Outcomes

“Exposure to domestic violence in childhood has been linked to a similar set of outcomes, including low self-esteem, social withdrawal, depression, and anxiety (Edleson, 1999; Fantuzzo, Boruch, Beriama, Atkins, & Marcus, 1997; Graham Bermann, 1998; Hughes, 1988; Lichter & McCloskey, 2004; Litrownik, Newton, Hunter, English, & Everson, 2003; McCloskey, Figueredo, & Koss, 1995; McCloskey & Lichter, 2003; Moffitt & Caspi, 2003; Sudermann & Jaffe, 1997); and aggression, violence, and delinquency (Herrera & McCloskey, 2001; Lichter & McCloskey, 2004; Litrownik et al., 2003; McCloskey & Lichter, 2003; Sudermann & Jaffe, 1997). In a recent meta-analysis of studies that examined the relationship between domestic violence exposure in childhood and adolescent internalizing and externalizing behaviors, Evans, Davies, and DiLillo (2008) found significant mean-weighted effect sizes of .48 (SE=.04) for internalizing behaviors and .47 (SE=.05) for externalizing behaviors, indicating moderate associations between exposure and both outcomes.”

Discussion“As hypothesized, children exposed to violence (either child abuse, domestic violence, or both) had higher levels of externalizing and internalizing behavior problems in adolescence than those exposed to neither form of violence. Youths who had both witnessed domestic violence and had been direct victims of child abuse (i.e., dual exposure) were more consistently at risk for the entire range of internalizing and externalizing behavior problems investigated than those who experienced only one form of violence exposure. In fact, dual violence exposure was predictive of higher scores on all nine outcomes addressed in this study, while experiencing child abuse alone or domestic violence alone was significantly predictive of only some of the outcomes. A direct comparison of dual and single exposures found that for two outcomes-- delinquency and depression measured by the BDI—scores were higher for those with both abuse and domestic violence exposure. The effect of dual exposure on depression was maintained after accounting for other risks in the family and surrounding environment.“

So, essentially, and I’m breaking it down very simplistically here - victims of any type (or many types) of abuse can very likely display characteristically abusive behavior, and they’re even more prone to do so than those who have not suffered any type of abuse (or fewer types of abuse). That is not to say that they are inherently bound to become abusers themselves, but they are highly prone to aggressive behavior, as well as abusive/manipulative behavior.

[caffernnn]

Yeeeees. Your take on Nat is spot-on honestly. He shouldn’t have to take on full responsibility for Ikuya’s wellbeing and happiness (nobody should!! The adults in his life should’ve shouldered way more but still!!) BUT the way he tries to be a leader or role model is nauseating to watch sometimes. I have no doubt that he cares but he is such a firecracker that it seems like he can’t just sit still long enough to properly dig into the complex problems in his life/relationships. The Kirishima parents not really being shown as present probably plays into a lot of this, honestly - I read them as similar to the Nanases, being driven by their work and parenting from a distance at best. Since that’s what Nat knows, that plays into how he takes on his role with Ikuya: caring but disjointed, usually based in individualistic ideas.

I’m excited to hear more about your thoughts on Ikuya in general because WOO BOY he is a doozy. I’ve seen Ikuya and Hiyori’s relationship be described as a more extreme (cough toxic cough) version of makoharu and sourin, and I get where that starts to come into play. The thing is, this mostly works when looking at Hiyori. He’s the caretaker and strategist in the relationship (like mako and sou), having such an admiration for the other that his words and choices are severely calculated to try and uplift Ikuya in whatever he does. However, combined with his own issues and the distance Ikuya keeps from him, it starts to become a twisted one-sided hero worship. Now, looking at Ikuya, this is where the comparison falls flat for me. Even if we often see mako and sou working in the shadows to take care of Haru and Rin, that dedication is still returned right back to them. The respective pairings have their definitive lows, but they are able to work through those issues in time because there is mutual care there. With Ikuya, that isn’t really present for a majority of his relationship with Hiyori. Yeah, I think a part of him cares for Hiyori, but he gets so wrapped up in his own despair and hero worship of Haru that he doesn’t take any time to check in with Hiyori and encourage him to be a person and individual outside of their relationship. When Haru calls Makoto meddlesome and runs during their fight, he regrets it immensely and him and mako end up communicating and growing from it afterwards. However, it seems like a lot of HiyoIku is Ikuya yelling the same “you’re so meddlesome” sentiments without really apologizing for it or recognizing it as hurtful for Hiyori. Depression, especially as a teenager and late adolescent, can be hard because you have tunnel vision on your own faults and woes that can be hard to break. This doesn’t excuse Ikuya’s behavior, but I can imagine that he gets so lost in doubting his own worth or personality (lost in trying to be more like Haru, be more like Nat, be someone that deserves proper praise and attention) that he genuinely doesn’t see why Hiyori cares for him or how much his actions/words can really impact anyone. A part of him might find all of hiyori’s efforts to be cheap or doubtful because he is stuck on all the broken promises and people leaving his side that he can’t bring himself to open up and be a proper friend.

I ship HiyoIku but, like, AU versions of HiyoIku where they actually communicate with each other or have grown up and healed past the dynamic they have in most of S3. The dark humor? The paired introvert energy? The shared disdain for the world but secret passion for the few things they truly care about?? Beautiful

Alright, as a Hiyori enthusiast, what do you think of Ikuya and Natsuya? The Kirishimas play such a complex role in his life and I want to hear your thoughts!

Oh i have many thoughts!! Though not all of them are coherent ://

As the oldest sibling, I sympathise and understand Natsuya a lot. I understand the pressure of having your own shit going on, but also dealing with your sibling's teen angst (see: straight up depression). I fully get being a lil bit too emotionally stunted to actually do a good job at looking out for your sibling's wellbeing, and then jumping at the first opportunity to have them become someone else's responsibility. But just cos i understand honesty i am him doesn't mean it's not still a really shitty thing to do to Ikuya. Yes, his parents should've taken some responsibility for Ikuya (do they even have parents??) Esp when he felt so awful he nearly drowned and died AGAIN, but if Ikuya is basically his ward then he shouldn't have been gallivanting round the world dicking around and getting drunk. And then to dump Ikuya on Hiyori!!! FOR WHAT!! Natsuya probably saw how highkey obsessed he was with Ikuya and thought problem solved! And then instead of dealing with his own mess of a life, Hiyori had to basically mother Ikuya, someone who didn't even respond to him at all! Hiyori had no business having so much responsibility on his gay depressed lil shoulders. But then again. Neither did Natsuya?? So as u say. Very complex.

Now Ikuya. Listen. I know. I get it. I get him and his problems and why he is the way he is. But sometimes I literally cannot deal with the audacity of him. Hiyori is ALWAYS there. ALWAYS. Yes, one can argue that stiflingly so, but that doesn't change the fact that he was there for Ikuya no matter what. And for Ikuya to literally like ignore his entire existence? Hiyori talks and this boy doesn't even listen??????? Yes he's having Thoughts and Feelings of his own, but he just uses Hiyori as a free therapist (or ya know, a substitute for a fucking wall), someone he can vent to but never wants to deal with his reply, or god forbid, be there for him in return. I think their relationship has been too one sided for way too long, and Hiyori deserves to have some distance and realise he's actually worth being listened to and his problems matter just as much as someone else's. Like do i ship them? I guess?? Mostly cos i ship Hiyori with happiness and apparently that idiot boy makes him happy 😂

Thanks for asking!! I would die for Hiyori 🤘🏽

[hatefilledpoptarts]

Class 1-A should really learn to stop letting Bakugou baku-off

(when stuck for the most appropriate and to the point title just give up and use shitty puns, 10/10 it will pass....I think :P)

One of the things that caught my attention when reading the manga for the first time was Bakugou’s behavior after the sludge man incident: when dealing with complicated/conflicted emotions he doesn’t know how to process, he has a tendency to just back off from the problem altogether for an indefinite amount of time. 

(This is all going under because this really got out of hand, so if you wanna have a read please do when you have the time or are bored, I take both)

Warning: A tad disorganized so read at own risk

Going back as far as the 2nd ch.(Fun fact about revisiting a series; you notice details you tend to skim over the 1st round), I missed the actual amount of time that passed before the exam and am now realizing just how long Bakugou had not interacted with Izuku back then.

10 months is a shit long time not to bother with someone you’ve known since childhood through to middle school. While not exactly weird or unusual, since people tend to just move in another direction and drift apart in life, this isn’t really that type of scenario. Of course this was coming right off the sludge incident and, while not anywhere on Izuku’s own radar, was very much still on Bakugou’s mind back then:

Quite an impressive show of petty to ignore Izuku for nearly a year, more than likely with the expectation that he just has to wait until graduation for this issue to just go away.

My initial impression for this was more along the lines of an Izuku-dealing habit since history has shown this kid doesn’t really react well when Izuku actions are outside of Bakugou’s own expectations (not that weird since I’ve seen actual kids behave this way).

Its very clear Bakugou has major issues being vulnerable and Izuku is this sort of catalyst: always finding a way to tip him to his lowest degree. Really it all comes back to his pride that both uplifts and shuts him into himself.

Now getting to my main point (at the start of this):

I recalled back when class 1A was having their room showcase event, only two members were counted out of the whole 20 from this: Bakugou & Tsuyu.

Not an incredibly shocking development when they both have excuses for not joining; particularly when you know how little Bakugou cares about these types of activities and really wouldn’t just go along with whatever everyone else is doing.

Of course we learn for Tsuyu, this was actually a time of guilt and self-doubt for her in regards to her relationship with the group who went to rescue Bakugou. 

And considering Tsuyu’s disposition of being outspoken and self-possessed, it can be easy for the class to overlook any insecurities she may possess. We can also take from Tsuyu’s special chapter that she has difficulty relating to her peers.

Luckily for Tsuyu, she has a supportive friend who will pick up on these unusual moments and possible signs of vulnerabilities, lending a helping hand when she knows it’s what Tsuyu herself needs and wants.

And Tsuyu does what she thinks is best, which is to bring up what is bothering her to the associated members in hopes they will get past this by understanding what type of problem this was for her. And Ochako, she’ll make it happen because she cares and if that means gathering everyone needed to listen to Tsuyu and offering a comforting hand for extra support, then those are the kind of things she’ll do for her friend. (It makes me wonder how ochako got along in middle school, she’s really impressive in these kinds of socially tense situations)

Now it’s interesting to realize this was a really subtle way for Horikoshi to draw a parallel for these two in that by withdrawing and isolating themselves during this time, they were demonstrating their own self-reproaches for actions they considered giving into their own shortcomings. Both Bakugou and Tsuyu were self-imposing their own guilt because they didn’t know how to address it to themselves or toward the affected members. Judging from their background, it can be inferred both grew up having strong feelings of responsibility for themselves taking on any burdens they’ve had on their own (Bakugou due to pride; Tsuyu being the sibling oldest).

 For Bakugou, his own issues won’t advance or mend because he doesn’t allow for this type of support in his life or even permits for his defenses to be dropped in front of anyone. Bakugou is more or less accepted as being moody and to be left to himself when he has his episodes (digging that hole pretty deep aren’t ya kacchan?) and no one has ever questioned if he can be brought down. When you get down to it, no one has pushed him out of this comfort zone for a long time; he doesn’t know how to reach out to others because he thinks no one can match him or he needs to maintain his image.

I mean look at him that time, he’s only 4 or 5 and he’s trying to save face, making sure they know he’s tough, and Deku challenges that by actually being concerned, showing that Bakugou is indeed fallible. Most of his peers, or even general authority figures, can only take in his surface value, what he wants others to see or think of, without looking deeper. Those who surrounded him during his early adolescence let him do as he pleased and they genuinely thought that’s just how life worked. 

See how those classmates react with Bakugou’s usual arrogant behaviour: they’ll jeer their irritation but fall in awe when he makes a bold declaration because that’s whats to be expected from Bakugou, they wouldn’t actually push it further than ‘friendly’ banter with him because he can actually back what he says. No one really disagrees because they know Bakugou is extraordinary and by that rule he can do as he wishes because he is amazing; there is no one who will challenge it when they know better, if you lack aptitude follow the guy who does have it. From a adolescent’s point view, thats how ‘society’ works and that honestly is the worst mindset to get from anyone growing up. 

Izuku can attest that it’s no easy feat confronting him in any scenario:

With an ego swelled far too big for a kid to grow up on and a real talent that can’t be denied: no real surprises here how this came about. No one wanted or thought they could stand on even footing with Bakugou.

 Now Kirishima, bless his good kind soul, is a good bet for a friend who can temper Bakugou’s volatile attributes, and might be his equal, but he is in no way equipped to understand or clue into all the intricacies that goes into what makes up Bakugou. He gets past his hot-blooded side and sees someone who does have standards to back his actions (even if he’s a bit of a loose canon of destruction on several occasions).

The same can be said of Kaminari, who does show a decent level of understanding in Bakugou’s mentality and take his cues when the appropriate situation calls for it. Both parties have shown a deft grasp of Bakugou to get that while he may be an unpleasant guy, he is by no means lacking in morals or skill to back his superiority; just tougher to work with and needing tougher skin to take in all the foulness he presents.

While both are definitely a good match-up to withstand the trial that is Bakugou, they don’t actually stand in the sort of ‘equal’ position in a personal level as they do working together or in social interactions, they often come together to be like a hero unit that Bakugou finds acceptable to his standards and even socially they interact like average friends. They might even retain the same social levels as Bakugou’s old gang: they see and understand his abilities and yet they can’t quite comprehend the more human side of him that Bakugou prefers to keep under wraps.

By no means is this a fault in the two themselves or their friendship to Bakugou but I do understand why they can’t dig past a certain point in their relationship with him. Socially speaking, they still need time to build the kind of connection with him that allows vulnerabilities and even permitting it to be shared in some form or other.

 I’d heard the phrase ‘emotionally constipated’ describe Bakugou before and honestly, that is the most accurate definition for him that I’ve ever heard. He does show a heavy difficultly in expressing himself in calmer ways, more often than not, physically & figuratively exploding his problems out. I can understand the struggle in articulating what you mean and what you feel, conveying intentions can be a struggle and seem like a bother, if from your perspective there is no point; they won’t understand the things you do the same or in a similar way. Bakugou can only put what he feels into action and that can be tough to infer what those actions really mean and Bakugou himself leaves it up to the other party to figure it out, if they can’t then its because they couldn’t hack it (thank UA there are some who actually give a damn and call it when they see it).

I also personally identify with Bakugou’s characteristic of being socially discerning (although not to his level of disregard); I understand his lack of willingness to let others see a weaker side to them, it can be daunting when you don’t know how to express yourself in the most appropriate way or perceive those around as not worth the risk (I grew up with unpleasant people I didn’t care to be around if I could help it). Even emphasizing when he sizes others up, concluding what the other person is about and not wanting to push yourself in a situation you assume isn’t worth your time or think you have no place in. If you don’t think well of someone or find you’ve yet to have a deeper emotional connection with, when you’ve hit major emotional turmoil, it can be challenging when you’ve come to realize your own isolation that’s been built around yourself and the internal frustration you know you have no control or even a solid understanding of how to adjust to make things better. You can’t force yourself but you gotta build something along the way.

I even identify with the lack of care Bakugou shows by not remembering what his classmates quirks were (his whole body shakes when he’s brushing them off). To this day I cannot remember anyone I wasn’t on friendly term with in school (gets awkward when they know me). Of course its not really about being isolated as much as it is about knowing you don’t have to play a certain role to have be acceptable to others, Bakugou hits hard with who he is, letting you know what you’re in for, and you decide if its something your fine with or can match. UA is a good environment for individuals with their own ambitions instead of the usual mob gang he used to run with for most of his life.

Now though, Bakugou has gained a bit of perspective on his friends and classmates; he’s no longer willing to look down on his peers but recognize them for the reason they are in the same school. For the Baku-squad, its all a matter of process and learning as time goes on and I don’t think that is unreasonable for this little group. It’s just unfortunate that timing is not on Katsuki’s side after what had happened at Kamino. No one could have guessed just how this whole event ran deep for him.

 Ironically the only one who might even come close to catching onto to these more human attributes is the very person he’s pushed away from and who will keep from his crossfires in turn:

Izuku is always the one to point out the real intent of Katsuki’s actions, letting in on the kind of state Bakugou is in. Most prominently exhibited during the sports festival: when Bakugou declared his own victory, several students and audience member peg him as being arrogant when in truth Bakugou was demonstrating how serious he was taking the event. Bakugou needed to prove to himself he was worth his merit and Izuku was able to know what that meant when he made this declaration. If someone suggests a misjudgment in his character, Izuku will say it how it is; he has absolute confidence he understands what Bakugou is like more than anyone because he’s had all the time in the world to watch and experience both his best and worst side.

But truth be told, Izuku only understands Bakugou’s physical ticks or when he catches his brief moments vulnerability (i.e. sludge incident). He can’t fathom what Bakugou feels deep down because, while he may recognize those weaknesses he does posses, Izuku can only assume Bakugou is everything he projects: that he wouldn’t hold back from what he feels (anger, pride, confidence, etc.). That notion itself is a far cry from what Izuku truly recognizes about his childhood friend.

You can see Izuku has no doubts in his mind when Bakugou declares he’ll be number 1 back during the first battle training, Bakugou will still shines through even when he experiences a setback; nothing in Izuku’s mind can shake this belief about him. Then he sees for himself that Bakugou can actually break from pressure, he is not an unshakable force of will. The breaks in his thoughts are indication enough to know this is a slow and near unthinkable realization of one of the most steadfast figures in Izuku’s life.

It never crossed his mind just how shaken Bakugou was that first battle, Bakugou is doing all he can to keep himself together before Izuku came around to explain things (keeping in mind Izuku shouldn’t be tasked with detonating a bomb when it comes to Bakugou, even if he’s willing to be that outlet).

 The only other party I can think of that might understand Bakugou in the same level as Izuku almost does would be Ochako. Ochako has shown an incredible level of insight and intuition in how she views and understands her classmates, she’s usually the one to bring new understanding to a situation that may have been overlooked or provide input that is strikingly close to the heart of the matter: click here and you can see her calling out Bakugou on his main issue with Izuku. You can before with Tsuyu she caught on much quicker than anyone else, doing what needed to be done and saying what Tsuyu needed to hear when the time came.

But as it stands, she can only provide input, Bakugou is in no way a friend or someone in a position for her to feel concerned for in the same level she shows toward those she has built relations with. 

shame there aren’t many times where she shines in these skills, the scenes are sparse and far between. Ochako has sharp insight she rarely gets to show off.

For final emphasis: Ochako has no feelings of obligation or responsibility for Bakugou whatsoever, social or personal. She can only put her own goals and the people she does care about in the forefront. Bakugou, as of now, has no place for her to butt into his personal issues. Particularly since she doesn’t seem the type to over step her bounds, she’ll have feedback but that’s the extent she’ll impose herself in those regards. (I like to think they can build a foreseeable friendship in the future when Bakugou is ready to genuinely accept Izuku in his life)

 Once again we circle back to Izuku (like kacchan does :P), who will meddle if that means helping someone. The thing to keep in mind is Izuku does actually feel a sense of loyalty, an over-responsibility, toward Bakugou. Whether this is due to their time old friendship or because Izuku has a strange sense of duty to others, I’m not entirely certain of myself.

And this is proven time and again that if Bakugou believes Izuku has tricked him, he’ll be upfront about how it really is.

 If Bakugou finds himself caught in a fix even he can’t manage to get out of, Izuku will push himself further than anyone else to try and help him out of it, even at his own risk.

Izuku just can’t abandon him, it’s just not in his nature to.

As a sidenote during the sludge incident, Izuku actually managed to step up and outdo both of his inspirations in a single leap, doing what both parties had discouraged him from doing earlier that same day.

Look at him here during the heroes vs villains battle training test:

The thought of Bakugou misunderstanding him to that level just makes him feel like he is guilty of something. Perhaps for Izuku, its not the thought of him being put into doubt but the thought that, in a weird way, he feels as if he’s abandoning Bakugou. If he knows someone is distressed in any way Izuku has to alleviate it because thats his belief, he wants to help others, never wanting to leave them to feel helpless. Deception, even misunderstood deception, that causes more pain than help is something he can’t stand by and let continue. For Izuku, deceiving has no merit unless its for someone else’s sake, that’s why he’ll try to get across the real intent; if it bothers someone, he’ll want to pacify that feeling, a different risk he puts himself through.

 Oddly enough, Bakugou does let himself go in front of Izuku, including All Might who is always present to oversee the pair. Whether its due to a lack of control with his emotions during those instances or because, from his stand point, Izuku will figure it out anyway so he has to affirm himself in those cases when he does find himself feeling more wretched than he wants to be.

The best turn for them now is vocalizing what their central issue is and not holding back about it; they shouldn’t dance around the other anymore, its pointless to keep thinking they need to keep the other at a distance. They continue coming back to the same point every time, repeating the same thing over and over again (rescue, challenge, co-operate then back to rescue) until something has to give. It could only be Bakugou who could make this cycle end since he keeps perpetuating the same mistakes, denying or choosing to shut out Izuku. He can’t keep restricting himself because he’s afraid and in denial, it keeps him standing still unable to make progress, feeding his own fear of being left behind.

 And Izuku affirming that he will no longer back down and can take what Bakugou dishes out is great in knowing that he no longer feels it’s beyond him. Izuku can assert himself fully to be the kind of person who won’t withdraw into himself any longer when there’s adversity. And what better person to exhibit this growth than the one he holds in such high regard and once thought he wouldn’t be able face off in earnest back when he felt he had nothing to stand on, when he felt like he was a spectator only.

Its a slow build from his first time, when he’d still be shaking despite his bravado, to when he almost tries to escape him only to look back to stand up for his friend, let him know Ochako has that determination to do crazy plans like that. Now there’s no quivering or hesitance, he’ll say what he wants and try his damnedest to back it.

He knows Bakugou is great and he wants to stand on that same field as him because, to Izuku most of all, it’s something worth matching, even going so far as surpassing. No one can bring down Bakugou and Izuku knows it’s the place he wants to go all out for, a place where he won’t falter no matter the challenge; a place you can stand your ground and do what needs to be done no matter the difficulty. For Izuku, it means standing firmer than anyone and never backing down or lose confidance in themselves when no one else believe he can do anything; ideals that can’t be shaken, knowing nothing or no one can make him lose his ground. Katsuki isn’t being viewed as only another bully or shitty person in Deku’s life, he’s an aspiration he wants to be himself. Izuku might just be as enamored with Katsuki’s talent as he himself is.

 Bakugou’s own Achilles heel was his belief that there was only single individual who can stand as the best. He’d built himself up only to see it crumble time and again when there was no top but a field with a group of many who can do just as well as him, and if he wants admit it to himself, might be even more impressive. 

Of course this newfound knowledge is a complete whiplash for him at first, he doesn’t know how to adjust to the thought or the change but does what he knows best; he’ll take on this challenge headstrong first, struggling to prove without a doubt where his worth is: being exceptional.These are all individuals taking on their own challenges and, for the most part, they have what he has, they all are going through what he’s going through and he knows he can’t let up. That is way too much pressure for a kid his age to put on himself.

Every time he’s faced with his own weakness, he crumbles bit-by-bit inside. His old amour won’t hold up in this new environment and the adversities he faces. Everything so far he’s tried has been unsatisfying and puts a bad taste in his mouth, he doesn’t know how to meet his goals.

Now he’s stuck in his own head trying to come to terms with his expectations and beliefs no longer being guaranteed. All Might was one of the surest and truest forces in Bakugou’s life and now there’s the knowledge that nothing truly is guaranteed. The kid who couldn’t do anything great is learning and growing to be great, be someone who could overtake him. Your indestructible hero can fall and is human. And his own flaws made All Might human, nothing can change this for him. 

Except Katsuki can change because he can see now there’s no longer a clear cut straight line, its all a matter of how to go forward past the one path he chose. Katsuki can move forward, along with Izuku and All Might now as they truly are, two kids who want to be top heroes and are still learning what that means, along with the one who wants to raise them to be their very best. Bakugou still needs time to be someone who can accept those flaws and shortcomings but I hope he can finally learn to lean on others more and not take it all on himself.(work with your classmates more, kacchan; your gonna be stuck with Todoroki eventually so start there)

By the end of this whole Bakugou redemption journey (whenever that will be), I really hope it will come full circle with that sludge man incident when Katsuki is ready to start the real mend, when he knows and feels that regret for those times he mistreated Izuku; when both are ready to take a step forward together with the other. After all, they are still kids on the road to self-actualization. Katsuki isn’t a bad kid but he still needs time and growth.

I mean they still bring up that event, it still bothers Katsuki, so it is a pretty pivotal subject waiting to be properly addressed between the two in the future:

For now, I don’t think we are quite there but every little step is progress and high school won’t be over for quite some time, they’ve got a fair share of time to grow (thought even that could be tossed out the window sooner rather than later).

That blood there is pretty ominous now that I think about it and was probably foreshadowing All Might’s draining power being the a catalyst for this recent development between the two.

Added Bonus for those who got through this schlep:

Yup, there’s a kid out there who can stretch his own body parts（゜◇゜）

[onesunandnight]

thought on some star wars shit

Okay, the shit I’m seeing about The Last Jedi on here is really disconcerting. 

Obviously, my feed is showing me a smaller than small slice of people who have disliked it, but I can’t understand the degree to which people are vehemently bashing this movie. 

A good number are mad that Finn and Rey haven’t been made into a couple. So? At what point did the creative team make any promises as to how your preference for romantic coupling of characters was going to influence the story? Just as well, the amount of bullshit regarding Rose and Finn is making me so angry. You either don’t like that they’re paired up for the whole film, or don’t like the possibility for them to be romantically linked (which probably represent some seriously racist unvoiced opinions). And honestly, I’d hesitate to put a definitive stamp on what their relationship is. I really love the idea of Finn/Rey. I also can see how potentially problematic it is if they were brought together as an onscreen couple. And honestly, everyone in this series is so goddamn attractive and (seemingly) wholesome I’d be happy if any of them ended up together. I admire the relationships that have been forged between these cast members. I don’t really care if there’s romance involved.

There’s a larger conversation about the people of color represented as well. To say nothing of Kelly Marie Tran’s casting: a Vietnamese woman, of a way more representative body type than Hollywood ever acknowledges, integral to the plot of the film, given agency and character depth and complexity. Or how she speaks to the inherent brutality and horror on Canto Bight, a gleaming city of war profiteers who have built their fortunes off the blood and backs of beings they treat like cattle. Or even the very first fucking sequence of the film where her sister is given such an amazingly powerful (albeit arguably unnecessarily tragic) sequence all to herself. Or Poe Dameron’s recklessness and courage, how the traits of every white male lead ever are translated through a more nuanced lens, and given some fucking weight and shown to have consequences. Or Finn’s...everything? His past, his conflict, his naiveté which is never played up as stupidity, his ability to listen and change his actions based off what he’s told, how he believes in the people he cares about and fights alongside, how he accepts when he’s wrong and doesn’t fight it (usually), his warmth and his belief, all portrayed by a black man (and not an unambiguously black man either) in an industry that has historically and systematically denied black men the chance to display their full humanity outside stereotypes revolving masculinity, aggression, sexual violence, etc. I hate the way these conversations about representation go because it becomes a matter of who got to do what, for how long, how visibly, and it all revolves around them being given something. The fact that this film’s writer/director is a heterosexual white man never slipped my mind. But I also can’t imagine that the actors involved, as well as producers, weren’t also vocal about what they expected out of their representation and character direction. And with these things, you’re not able to invalidate the response of those who feel empowered. People of color don’t have authority over other people of color as to how they should react. If you see something wrong or problematic in The Last Jedi, voice it. This is not a sacred thing nor is it at all perfect. But also know that there are people who have had a really affirming experience seeing these people living and breathing as important characters on the big screen. It’s not about who’s right and who’s wrong. That’s a fundamental problem with how people seem to be criticizing this movie. 

Even more people are angry about Kylo Ren’s characterization and how much more complexity he’s given. I don’t particularly like his character but I think that’s a function of what he represents, especially when you think about pretty much every patriarchal white male fanboy who wants the franchise to be only about them. In an article from Wired, Angela Wattercutter puts it pretty perfectly: “If it weren't for his willingness to go outside, he'd be every entitled troll on the internet—and the stench of his toxic masculinity only intensifies in The Last Jedi, with his surrogate dad Supreme Leader Snoke calling him ‘just a child in a mask’ while harassing him for being bested by a girl (aka Rey)”. Having said that, I admire Adam Driver’s performance a lot. It’s raw and he obviously seems to be drawn to the conflict and instability that comes with that role. He does it really well. There’s no cop out for his behavior either. The movie constantly puts forth the reality that Kylo is choosing to be the way he is. No easy justification or excuse given. 

I’m also seeing so much shit about Luke being unrecognizable, but isn’t that the fucking point? Isn’t the entire arc of the film supposed to be how far from himself he’s become? Also, I don’t know, it’s been...34 years since Return of the Jedi? Luke is presented as weathered and much older. I wasn’t expecting the same guy I last saw. I feel like a lot of people who disliked this movie had that complaint at the heart of things, that this didn’t feel like a Star Wars movie. What does that mean though? Honestly, what does that mean? Everything is different because you have different players. I don’t want the series to regress into the original trilogy’s tropes. The Force Awakens did that already and showed the limitations of how far that mix of nostalgia and callback can work. Same with Rogue One. I think it’s true that the series hasn’t had this bold/singular of a vision for a really long time and that might be part of the reason why it feels so different. But even more so than The Force Awakens, I was so engaged and so pleased with how things were handled. The Last Jedi is massive and it’s dense and that necessarily makes it pretty messy in places. That also doesn’t preclude any genuine arguments people may have about what was mishandled or problematic. There’s shit I know I’m forgetting about, which is why I want to see it again. But I also want to see it again because I really enjoyed it. The people who see films just waiting to pull it apart and piss on the scraps can do that. But their arguments aren’t arguments, they’re tantrums with little substance to them that are treated as universal opinions. And they write off the entire thing because of it. 

I think I’m writing this because I’ve seen this in other fandoms outside Star Wars and it’s making me fed up. More than I’d like. Come at something with some consideration for what you’re criticizing and an acknowledgment that you’re voicing a personal opinion rather than attacking the people you disagree with. How is that even being a fan at that point? It’s just derisive. I’m bewildered by people who want JJ Abrams to “turn this franchise around”. I don’t know that anyone wants that. Unless playing these narratives from a safe and crowd-pleasing perspective is what you’re looking for. The Last Jedi isn’t a pandering experience which I really appreciated. It’s also not an unfairly revisionist experience either. Old ideas get twisted or put to an end, new ones are built upon and given prominence. It felt new. Which is what I think people were hoping for, even if it might not have been as beholden to the original trilogy as The Force Awakens (it sounds like I’m really hating on TFA. Full disclosure, I love that movie too and after seeing The Last Jedi, I appreciate it even more for laying the foundation for the new characters we have. It was just too much of a retread in key parts which is also why it can be frustrating to watch). The Last Jedi makes me appreciate where this franchise is going. It’s more inclusive and nuanced and interesting than it ever has been. 

You’re certainly not going to get any of that from a fucking Ewan McGregor solo Obi-Wan movie.