#how it all went down

[mceproductions]

Best of 2022 Music #13: Weird Al Yankovic “Now You Know”

Weird Al has been making accordion James for nearly 50 years.

So it’s fitting that the parody master with his parody biopic gets his chance at originality.

Via an end credits retrospective of his life.

That still does what he does best.

Pure fun from the legend.

SUM 22: Weird Al Yankovic goes original with his biopics closing jam that seemingly dares to make you laugh all the way through what’s usually dull end credits.

[myrkulitescourge]

the way that one line from the new epilogue in an astarion romance is going to HAUNT me

just. what a profoundly intense thing to confess to someone.

like, just these six months of newfound happiness with you exerts a force on his heart equal and in direct opposition to two centuries of endless torment, the gnawing hunger and exploitation. this flashbulb-bright fraction of his long life holds the same gravity to him as years upon years of darkness and suffering.

in all likelihood, he hasn’t even known his lover for as long as his worst memory lasted, that year sealed away to go mad from starvation and sensory deprivation, yet he still tells them this brief time has been so fundamentally and powerfully important that the weight of even that unimaginable hell is vanishingly small compared to this present he has now and the future ahead of them both.

how am i supposed to act normal about this.

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

[haunted-xander]

I made this AAAAGES ago and forgot to post it and now I'm annoyed by how it's rotting away on my phone so here. Bratty teen Thancred being a menace to Fourchenault (and a bad influence on Urianger lol)

[lygma-nygma]

Being a batfam fan is funny because people will make a post like “here’s my headcanon-“ and it’s just something that’s directly canon to the story then post about major canon events and get everything wrong.

[stealingyourbones]

DPxDC the Olympics AU.

Jazz is competing for sharpshooting

Dick is competing for team gymnastics

Y’all can work it out from there :)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 177

Now Dan is no coward. He’s not. 

But this stupid child body does have an effect on his reactions to things and honestly it’s a horrible thing that’s too small and too weak for him to use all his abilities. He could barely manage a fireball if he concentrated, yet everything caught fire with a mere outburst! His control was utterly gone, and a tantrum resulted in having to wear a stupid child leash backpack. 

It wasn’t like he was really a child, and it wasn’t like he’d get lost or some stupid shit that Danny would insist. Ugh, this isn’t even fair, technically he was older than him yet was stuck in a smaller body that he kept tripping over! 

Urgh, he’s even insisting on rewarding ‘good behavior’ and shit- must have talked to Jazz or something- because… Oh. No he wants the constellation bear, give! His star bear now, no takes back and, urgh, stupid baby body! 

Well, on the other hand, it’s utterly hilarious how much Danny sputters whenever he calls him Mom, not to mention strangers’ utter befuddlement. He ignores how Danny seems to be trying his best to live up ro the title. 

But! As he was saying, he’s no coward! He’s also not an idiot though, and having no control over his powers isn’t exactly a good thing. It’s really not a good thing when there’s a murderous-looking hero that he thinks he might have maimed in the future- which they apparently remember- staring down at him. So, he has to call in the big guns to fix this. 

“Mom, there’s a creepy fruitloop staring at me!” “There’s WHAT?!” Hah. Take that hero he doesn’t remember the name of.

(Behold the Grumpiest of Babies)

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

more of the dapper lad! i Cannot get him out of my brain

[birdperselias]

this version of them....

[coreytaylr]

100% legit totally real facts about the historical stede bonnet

no the title is not a lie these are really REAL bc believe it or not, somehow the show made our stede MORE competent than the real one

sources: Real Pirates podcast (ep1, ep2, ep3, ep4, ep5), Dirty Sexy History podcast (with jeremy moss, bonnet's biographer, who LOVES the show, and said it changed his perspective on bonnet's and blackbeard's relationship PLUS he has the stedesrevenge handle on twt)

the library on the revenge was a real thing. the man really did that.

running away from his family to be a pirate

paying a salary to his crew

SHOWING UP IN NASSAU IN FRILLY GENTLEMANLY CLOTHES AND A POWDERED WIG

before bonnet's capture, he ran his ship aground and that's how the english caught up with him BUT the two english ships also ran aground (😭), so they fought each other with their flintlock pistols from behind their ships (until the tides turned and dislodged the english ships first. rip)

adopted an alias when he started pirating so people wouldn't know it was him but he raided ships near Barbados (where he's from), so that didnt turn out well. his solution? burning every ship from Barbados

he only succeeded in his early days bc merchant ships knew they would get off easier if they surrendered

ATTACKED A WARSHIP that whooped his ass so bad he almost died. the remaining crew steered the ship to Nassau where he met blackbeard

blackbeard stole the revenge from him but "allowed" him to stay on BB's ship (either as a guest or as a prisoner, it's not clear, but he def wasn't a crew member bc he didn't have any chores)

he was seen on deck running around in his gowns 😭😭

BB eventually reinstated him as the captain of the revenge and they sailed together for a while

"there is a 4 month period where stede and blackbeard kind of disappeared and no one really knows what they were doing" 👀

BB allowed bonnet to raid on his own which lead to him getting his ass beat by the Protestant Caesar. BB then proceeded to HUNT DOWN THE PROTESTANT CAESAR while flying the RED FLAG (which meant no mercy to anyone on board)

bonnet would raid ships and take what provisions he needed and give the other ship what he didn't need (essentially the library raiding scene lmaoo)

BB betrayed bonnet by raiding his ship and marooning his crew while bonnet was off getting a pardon

SO BONNET SWORE REVENGE AGAINST BB who was at the time, the most feared pirate

this led to him adopting another alias - "he also changes his name, at the time he goes by captain edward's. which is really interesting, I don't know if that's an homage to, you know, edward teach, but.. captain edward's with an "s", that's as if he's.. a possession of captain edward" ONCE AGAIN 👀👀👀👀

HE ESCAPED PRISON BY DRESSING AS A WOMAN

after escaping, he was promised a sloop by some rando. when the rando didnt deliver, bonnet "WROTE HIM A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER REPRIMANDING THE MAN"

that letter led to him being recaptured 😭😭

he was hanged while holding a bouquet of wilted flowers

[bixels]

This Twitter MLP human redesign drama is a mess, leave me the fuck out of it.

[theexorcistiii]

Cant believe I never posted my guitar! I covered it in cutouts from my moms big old anatomy book :)

[nibbelraz]

Imagining the airplane extras in the Shang Twins au is so funny because imagine you think finally your brother is standing up to this demon thats been running you to ground and all he does is pinch his cheeks and say the most wild incoherent shit known to man before leaving

[96kurtswrld]

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guys tmi i'm ovulating i'm so sorry i gotta share my thoughts nsfw 18+ minors shoo, fem reader, thigh riding, regular riding, creampie (whoops), wrap it before you tap it guys pls, a little nipple play. steve is so handsy and so mouthy i'm sorry. fem nicknames like honey, pretty girl, good girl, baby ect. flustered fem reader (is that a warning? idk but i'll include it anyways), really just pure freaking filth tbh and it's probably a little inaccurate i am not a smut writer at all but i had to share okay enjoy pls

thinking about riding steve....it started as an innocent afternoon on the couch together. a rare day off of work for steve. there's a movie playing on the tv but you've since long forgotten about it, too focused on steve's hand that rests on your thigh. and then his hand had inched higher. and then before you knew it he had you in his lap, straddling one of his thighs as you ground against it. your head resting on his chest as you moved, his hands on your hips helping to guide you as he pressed soft kisses to your jaw. eventually the tent in his jeans is too much to ignore, and your undoing his button and pawing off his pants before he can even register it. he's slide his hands around to grab the front of your shirt, lifting it up and tossing it on the other end of the couch. his hands softly trace up the curve of your tummy until he's cupping a boob in each hand, kneading them. your head tilts back in a moan, steve taking advantage to lean forward and kiss your throat, his lips moving down your chest.

his hand cups your left breast while he kisses the right one, his lips closing around your nipple as he takes it between his teeth, gently biting on the hardened bud. a gasp leaves you, causing steve to smirk as he pulls off and does the same to the other side. his hands eventually fall to your hips, glancing down at the space between your laps. "gonna ride me, pretty girl?" he asks, his voice a low hum as he speaks to you. you nod your head at him, reaching down between your bodies to grab his hard, leaking cock. he shakes his head at you. "words, honey."

"yes, stevie. wanna ride you, please?" you beg softly, your hand still wrapped around his cock. he smirks at you again, the tease that he is, and gives you a nod of approval. "there's my good girl. go ahead, honey. make yourself feel good" he tells you, his eyes lidded as he licks his lips and leans his head back against the couch, eyes staring down at you carefully. he watches as you hover above him, lining yourself up before you oh so slowly slide down on his cock. you both let out small breaths of relief, giggling at each other as steve leans forward to press a kiss to your lips. he hums contentedly as he rests his hands on your hips, his grip gentle for now.

you start slow, rocking your hips back and forth on his cock as you lean forward to wrap your arms around his neck, bringing you closer to him. you press some light kisses to his jaw and neck, pulling more low moans out of him. eventually you move start to move faster, lifting yourself up and down. your walls feel delicious around his cock, warm and tight, gripping him the way you both enjoy. small pants escape youu as you work yourself up more and more. the wet sound of his cock slipping in and out of you filling the room. steve buries his face in your neck, small moans leaving him as you bounce on his cock. he pulls back slightly to look at you, captivated by your tits bouncing as you move.

steve leans forward again to bury his face in your neck, a low guttural groan leaving him as you work yourself closer and closer towards orgasm. he grips the fat of your hips roughly. "slow baby, slow...y'gonna kill me" he slurs against your neck. you whine at his words but do as he says, slowing your movements down to a soft roll of your hips again. "i was s'close" you pout, pulling yourself back until you can see his face again. he's got a lopsided smile on his face as he looks you up and down. "i know honey, i know" he sooths, his thumbs rubbing your hip. he leans forward again to press kisses to your chest, biting and kissing the skin until it turns that light purple color he loves to see. you moan out a whisper of his name, his cock twitching inside of you as he roughly kneads your hips. "don't wanna cum just yet" he mumbles against your chest, continuing to kiss across your chest, around your boobs, up to your shoulder, down your arm. you sigh and moan as he goes, it's music to steve's ears really. he loves pulling all those pretty little sounds out of you, making you feel good. he kisses his way back to the juncture of your neck, breathing in deeply before he starts rutting his hips upwards, a gasp turned moan falling from your lips. you grip his shoulders tightly, as he quickly picks up the pace, rutting up into you rough and fast. "steve....oh my god" you whine into his ear, he grips your hips hard. he lifts you up and down in time with his thrusts, making sure his cock is buried inside you deep before pulling out and slamming back in. his tip hits your cervix he's so deep.

"come on, honey. cum for me, yeah?" he begs right in your ear, his teeth gently nipping the lobe as he thrusts. "feel so good baby, christ" he whines, his pace frantic as he gets close himself, but he wants you to cum first. you pant and whine against his chest, feeling the coil in your lower stomach tightening. what throws you over the edge is one of steve's hands sliding down towards your cunt, the rough pads of his fingers finding your clit. your so sensitive and on the edge that it only takes another second after that for you to cum. steve slows as you cum, you can feel his smile against your neck as he helps you ride out your high. you involuntarily squeeze around him as you come down, the feeling surprising steve. he cums inside of you with a gasp of your name, his entire body going rigid as he softly ruts up into you to ride out his own high now. he presses kisses on your chest, kissing up your neck until he gets to your face. he presses three quick kisses to your lips, a fourth lingering kiss follows. he smiles against your lips and runs his hands up your sides, his touch featherlight and a complete contrast from the rough grip he had on your hips. "my beautiful girl, did so good for me" he praises quietly.

the rest of the night consists of actual cuddling and movie watching, snuggled up together on the couch under the same blanket, soft touches and shy smiles shared between the two of you until it's time to get ready for bed. of course, not without a second, proper round where steve can do all the work, letting his girl simply lay there and feel good.

[backpackingspace]

Consider young odysseus and Penelope courting by going on adventures together (committing crimes)

[musubiki]

the only way to get better at drawing men is to draw men, so heres lime and his daily workout routine ✨