#all of these are so fucking funny how was this man REAL

[cheftsunoda]

no im not in love — ln4

smau

lando norris x !best friend singer reader

yn and lando have been best friends for years— they have also spent those years doing things that ‘best friends’ don’t. morning cuddles, stealing kisses, sleeping together, getting jealous when the other is spotted with someone else. yn releases a song and fans pick it apart…noting it to be about lando. will this cause the two to finally admit that they love each other?

obviously based of the tate songgg

fc : madison beer and various pinterest girlies

⚠️not proofread! slight angst, gets a tiny bit steamy, blah blah⚠️

draft for yall while I proofread and fix part 4 of heal your heart

—

“swear im only sleeping at your house— six times in one week— cause its convenient.”

f1gossipgirls

248,275 likes.

f1gossipgirls : Singer YN LN leaving Lando Norris’ place six days in a row this week — coincidence or something more? The longtime best friends, who’ve known each other since their early teens, have fueled romance rumors for years. With this kind of consistency, fans are wondering if the ‘just friends’ label still applies…

—

username00 : lando! blink if your in love

username10 : she is always there…I don’t think this is out of the ordinary for them. she always pops up in his streams so we kind of know she is there

username5 : he was seen at a restaurant with magui last week too so idk

username7 : 6 days…in a row…this is more consistency than I have with my own employer

username17 : me pretending to be shocked while I’ve had a wedding pinterest board for them since 2019

username20 : the greatest situationship of our generation

username22 : that man is in love I will not elaborate

—

“are you coming over later?” lando asked over the phone and i chuckled to myself.

“i might as well move in at this point,” i said, and felt a smile creep onto my face.

“already made that offer and you said no,” he said, a teasing edge in his voice.

i rolled onto my back, staring up at the ceiling, my heart doing that annoying flutter thing it always did when he got like this — casual, but with just enough meaning to keep me spiraling.

“well…”i trailed off, biting my lip. “that was before you started bribing me with morning coffee and back rubs.”

“you forgot the part where i let you pick the movies and stick your cold feet on me,” he added, smug.

i laughed. “okay, true. honestly, i am starting to think you want me to move in.”

there was a pause — not awkward, just weighted — like he was thinking about how honest he wanted to be.

“i do,” he said simply. “i like having you here.”

that shut me up real quick. for a second, all I could hear was the sound of my own pulse in my ears.

“well,” I said, voice slightly higher than I intended, “guess I’ll start bringing more than just an overnight bag.”

he laughed, soft and warm. “good. ive already got a spot cleared out in the closet.”

—

“Only kinda dressing like you now— ‘cause your clothes they fit me — and that’s good reason.”

yn_ln added a post to her story!

seen by alexandrasaintmleux, lando, maxfewtrell & 2,376,299 others.

lando : looks so much better on you anyways

liked by yn_ln

alexandrasaintmleux : hmm…still at his place…in his hoodie?

liked by yn_ln

yn_ln : yes mum 🙄

liked by alexandrasaintmleux

alexandrasaintmleux: that’s funny…same thing I do with Charles WHO IS MY BOYFRIEND

liked by yn_ln

yn_ln : speaking of charles- tell him to stop being nosey

liked by alexandrasaintmleux

alexandrasaintmleux: WHAT HE SAY FUCK ME FOR - charles

—

i wasn’t planning to steal it.

but there it was, draped over the back of his couch — navy blue, soft-looking, and very obviously worn in. his favorite one. definitely the one I always “borrowed” and conveniently forgot to give back.

i glanced over my shoulder. lando was still in the kitchen, humming to himself and completely unaware of my criminal intentions.

i grabbed the hoodie and pulled it over my head. it smelled like him — some combination of expensive cologne, laundry detergent, and whatever shampoo he used that I secretly liked more than mine.

just as i was admiring myself in the mirror by the door, arms swallowed whole and sleeves dragging over my hands, i heard him behind me.

“oh, really?” he said, amused. “that’s your hoodie now?”

i turned slowly. “possession is nine-tenths of the law.”

he narrowed his eyes. “you are unbelievable.”

“and yet,” i said, tugging the sleeves over my fingers with a grin, “you still like me.”

he rolled his eyes but crossed the room and stood in front of me, eyes flicking down to the hoodie.

“i liked that one.”

i stood on my toes and kissed his cheek. “you still do. you are just sharing it now.”

he gave me the look — the one that meant he was annoyed, but also very clearly melting.

“you know you’re not getting away with this, right?”

i shrugged. “too late. ive already imprinted on it.”

—

“every friend of mine—I told them the same— no im not in love”

“so,” alexandra said, sipping her mimosa with an innocent smile, “how’s your new apartment been?”

I blinked. “My new what?”

Kika leaned forward, chin in hand. “lando’s. six nights this week, babe. we have a group chat. we have been counting.”

i nearly choked on my drink. “okay, first of all, you have way too much time on your hands. second, we are best friends.”

lily raised an eyebrow. “friends who do what, exactly? morning cuddles? sleep together? kiss each other? share clothes? share socks?”

i gaped at her. “that was one time—he had cold feet!”

kika smirked. “he has cold feet, and you’re in love.”

“i am not in love,” i said, louder than necessary, which of course made all three of them lean in.

alexandra tilted her head. “sure. you just smile at your phone every single time he texts you and you wear his clothes like you don’t have a whole closet of your own.”

i opened my mouth. closed it. opened it again. “its a nice hoodie!”

lily grinned. “and he’s a nice man. who makes you pancakes and lets you sleep in his bed.”

kika raised her glass. “to yn and lando— her completely platonic live in boyfriend.”

alexandra clinked hers with a laugh. “who she’s not in love with, of course.”

i groaned and dropped my face into my hands. “i hate all of you.”

“lies,” lily sang. “you love us. just like you love—”

“don’t say it.”

“—landoooo,” all three of them said in unison, full chaos energy.

i sighed. “you are impossible.”

kika winked. “so is pretending you’re not head over heels. just admit it, and we’ll buy you matching mugs.”

—

“And I don’t hate every girl your eyes go to.”

f1gossipgirls

284,265 likes.

f1gossipgirls : After weeks of swirling rumors, YN LN and Lando Norris have finally stepped out… just not with each other. Lando was spotted getting cozy with model Magui Corceiro, while YN was seen out with none other than Magui’s ex, footballer João Félix. Coincidence? Petty? The plot thickens.

username00 : be so for real right now. there is no way this isn’t intentional. YN OUR PETTY QUEEN.

username5 : yn really said fine you want her?? ill get with her ex

username7 : I need to achieve this level of petty bitch some day

username14 : i know alex and kika are somewhere screaming rn

liked by alexandrasaintmleux and kikagomes

username00: OH they r CREEPING

username22 : call me delulu but this could just be for pr

username15 : this is so iconic im screaming

—

yn_ln

liked by kikagomes, charles_leclerc, joaofelix79 & 4,285,257 others.

yn_ln : life lately

—

kikagomes : you are so hot come kiss me

liked by yn_ln

yn_ln : on my way!

charles_leclerc : Floki and Leo play date sometime soon? 😌

liked by yn_ln & joaofelix79

yn_ln : absolutely!

joaofelix79 : a mais linda😻

liked by yn_ln

username00 : damn she really said lando won’t commit?? hard launch

username7 : her and joao lowkey look so good together

username14 : no lando like…that is how you know he is pissed

username15: I went through 5 years of her posts and this is the only one with no Lando like

pierregasly : who is that beautiful woman you are playing chess with??

liked by yn_ln and kikagomes

yn_ln : my girlfriend :)

liked by kikagomes

pierregasly: should’ve known I’d get that response

—

“you didn’t have to post that photo,” lando said, not even looking up from his phone.

i glanced at him from across the room. “what photo?”

“the one with João. the one where he’s practically breathing on your neck.”

i rolled my eyes. “it is called posing, lando.”

“oh, so now it’s posing?” he scoffed. “looked cozy to me.”

i crossed my arms. “right…because you’d know all about looking cozy. how is magui, by the way?”

his head snapped up. “don’t bring her into this.”

i laughed, bitter. “oh, I’m sorry. was that hitting a little too close to home?”

“you are being ridiculous.”

“and you’re being possessive for someone who swears we’re just friends.”

that shut him up for a second. Then he said, quieter, “m’not possessive.”

“really?” i said, stepping toward him. “because you’re acting like I cheated on a boyfriend I don’t have.”

he stood up too, jaw tight. “maybe i wouldn’t care if you weren’t acting like you’re suddenly in love with João fucking Félix.”

i stared at him. “and maybe i wouldn’t care if you didn’t light up every time she laughs at your jokes.”

“you know what?” i muttered, grabbing my jacket. “this is dumb. you do whatever you want. do whoever you want.”

“already have been,” he snapped. “and so have you.”

i was halfway out the door when he called after me, voice softer but stubborn. “you’re the one who said we were just friends.”

i paused, turned slightly. “yeah. well. maybe that was a mistake.”

neither of us said what we really meant. the tension in the air said enough. touching.

—

“I’m not bothered looking up your exes — Matter fact we could probably be friendses.”

twitter!

f1gossipgirls : Oh? YN LN hanging out with Luisa Oliveira — Lando’s ex — in Monaco today? Did not have that on my bingo card.

username2 : guys calm down— her and luisa have stayed in touch since her and lando split. they are always interacting online

username5 : no bc if my ex and best friend were having a meeting about me id cry and never been seen again.

username7 : giving “we both survived the same man”

username10 : forget the drivers. the wags have taken over the season.

username8: yn pls drop a selfie with luisa with the caption “his taste is consistent” PLEASE

—

—

“we got the same taste that ain’t my fault”

it supposed to be a solo coffee run. no drama. no tension.

i pushed open the door to the little corner café, the bell chiming like it always did, and stepped inside—only to immediately bump into someone coming from the opposite direction.

“oh—sorry, I—” my voice caught.

lando.

he froze too, holding two takeaway cups, one already half-spilled from the impact.

“hi,” he said, blinking like he wasn’t sure i was real. “i—wow. hi.”

i swallowed hard. “hey.”

we both stood there, awkwardly, in the narrow doorway, neither moving. my heart thudded. this place — this stupid café — had been ours for so long that it felt wrong seeing him here and not being with him.

“i didn’t think you still came here,” he said, voice low. “not without me.”

“yeah,” I said quickly. “i didn’t. not really. just—craved it today.”

“guess we still have the same taste?” he said and looked down.

“and I just spilled one of yours. cool.”

i couldn’t help the small laugh that slipped out. “you always did have terrible coordination off-track.”

he gave me that sideways smirk i hated how much i missed. “says the girl who once tripped literally just over air…many times.”

“that was one time.”

“it was three.”

the silence after that wasn’t heavy like before. it felt like it always has.

“i miss this,” he said suddenly, glancing around the café, then at me. “i miss you.”

i looked at him then — really looked. the tired eyes. the nervous thumb tapping the side of the cup. the way he kept stealing glances like he was afraid i might disappear if he blinked.

“i miss you too,” i admitted.

he exhaled. like he’d been holding his breath for weeks.

“i was stupid,” he said. “about the fight. about João. about everything.”

i bit my lip. “i was too. i didn’t mean to hurt you.”

“i know,” he said. “i didn’t mean to lose you.”

A pause.

“so don’t,” i whispered.

he looked at me like the world tilted back into place. then held out one of the remaining coffees — the unspilled one. my usual.

“still how you like it?”

i nodded, smiling. “perfect.”

and for the first time in weeks, things felt right again — no explanations, no drama. just us. at our table. in our café. where it all began.

—

“if i slip and i somehow say it — you should know in advance, im wasted.”

the bass was shaking the floor. lights pulsed, the air smelled like overpriced tequila and victory, and someone — probably charles — had just climbed onto the DJ booth screaming “he finally won one!”

lando was glowing. sweaty, flushed, champagne-soaked, still in his tee with a medal crooked around his neck. everyone was celebrating like it was the first time F1 had ever seen a podium. maybe it felt like the first time. especially to me. he found me through the crowd, grinning, eyes already glassy with drunk adrenaline.

“there you are,” he said, stumbling slightly as he pulled me in with one arm. “did you see me? like actually see me?”

“hard to miss when you were standing on top of the world,” i yelled over the music.

he laughed, messy and wild, like it was pouring straight out of his chest. “could not have done it without you.”

“lando, i didn’t even—”

“you were there,” he said, serious now, crowd and noise fading behind us. “you are always there. i look for you first.”

i froze, heart stuttering. “you are drunk.”

“yup,” he said. “but not wrong.”

and before i could say anything, before i could stop him or stop myself, he leaned in and kissed me — champagne-flavored, heat-drunk and reckless.

it was a little too fast. a little too desperate. but, it felt right. like something we’d been circling for too long.

he pulled back first, eyes wide like he couldn’t believe it either. “was that—?”

“stupid,” i said quickly.

he nodded. “yeah. super stupid.”

then kissed him again.

—

lando and i barely made it into his hotel room before his hands were back on me, clinging to the zipper on the back of my dress. his lips sucking on my neck and i let out a light moan. he gently pushes me back onto the bed and crawls on top of me.

“ive wanted this for so long.” he admits before his lips brushed against mine.

“me too.” i stuttered as i felt his hands explore me.

before i knew it — we were both undressed and pressed against each other.

“you sure you’re okay with this?” he asked.

“please- lando. i want you.” i said and a smirk appeared on his face. i feel him inside of me and his lips are attached to mine again.

“i-i love you.” i muttered through my moans—not fully realizing what i said.

“i love you more. always have.” he whispered in my ear, driving me crazy.

—

my head was pounding and i could barely open my eyes but as i did i noticed lando beside me. this obviously was not rare but he was…naked. i gasped to myself and looked around the hotel room. our clothes mixed on the floor. i stared at myself in the mirror and noticed hickeys from my neck down to my mid chest. i sighed— trying to recall the events of last night.

last night.

the win. the club. the kiss. the aftermath.

his hands. my shirt on the floor. my heart in his hands.

the words — god, the words.

“i love you.”

i said it first. then he said it back. too fast, too real, too drunk.

but also… not drunk enough to lie.

i carefully untangled myself, trying not to wake him, and grabbed the nearest hoodie i could find — his, obviously — before tiptoeing into the bathroom. i was halfway through drinking water straight from the tap like a gremlin when i heard his voice, raspy and half-asleep behind me.

“you left the bed.”

i turned. “you were starfishing.”

he gave a lazy smile. “you didn’t run.”

“nope, still here. still processing.”

he nodded, rubbing his hands over his face. “same.”

“we said somethings.”

“yeah,” he said blinking at me. “we did.”

“im sorry- i don’t- know. i was drunk.”

“don’t apologize. i meant it, yn.” he said.

“so did i.” i said with a sigh of relief.

“i love you, yn.” he said and pulls me into the bed holding me.

“good because if you said you didn’t i was just gonna throw myself off the balcony from embarrassment.”

“so dramatic, even hungover.” he chuckled, kissing my head.

“consistent…and in love with my best friend apparently.”

“good to hear…I’ve been in love with you for ages.”

—

f1gossipgirls

523,377 likes.

f1gossipgirls : Lando Norris and YN LN caught getting rather steamy in the club after his most recent win.

—

username00 : the audacity to make no im not in love about him and then DO THIS

username2 : well this is one way to make up with your friend after a fight

username5 : me pretending I’m happy for them when really I’m pacing my room like a victorian widow

username7 : You KNOW Lily and Kika are already planning the wedding. Alexandra’s making the guest list. Soft launch era is over.

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, kikagomes, lilymhe

username8 : CAUGHT CREEPING AGAIN

username14 : I don’t care about the driving anymore— need a whole season of this

—

yn_ln

liked by alexandrasaintmleux, lando, carlossainz55 & 7,205,210 others.

yn_ln : okay I lied im in love with my best friend but stream no im not in love about your situationships!!!

—

username7 : girlie we been knew

alexandrasaintmleux: never tell me im wrong ever again— but im so happy for you bb!

liked by author

lilymhe : good thing I started planning the wedding like 3 years ago

liked by author

kikagomes : lost my wife 😭😭

liked by author

yn_ln : you still have me mamas

lando : ive loved you since i first laid eyes on you

liked by author

charles_leclerc : I catch a stray for being nosey when you literally LIED

liked by author

yn_ln : haha sorry charlie…😀

—

lando

liked by yn_ln, maxfewtrell, oscarpiastri & 2,373,289 others.

lando : she loves me so much she made a song to convince the world she didn’t 😎

—

oscarpiastri : good im tired of seeing you mope around the paddock

liked by yn_ln

lando : now you get to watch me smooch yn all the time

oscarpiastri : goodie

maxfewtrell : took you both long enough

liked by yn_ln and lando

carlossainz55 : im glad you both remembered the next morning bc I couldn’t break it to you if you didn’t

liked by yn_ln and lando

—

🐞💐🌺🦋☀️🌷🌞🌟💫🌻⚡️

[mulloey]

so like… mtl likely to participate in hardcore cnc kink with the reader?

like, I think jun would be open to it because he’s good at acting and seems really observant but I’d like to see what your thoughts are on it and why ^-^

cnc with seventeen

first of all thanks to my girl @my-favefics for helping me with this!! and for getting me into writing svt in the first place.

this will be posted in three parts, beginning with the most eager and ending with the ones who might need a little convincing for it:)

warnings: cnc, rape roleplay, heavy dom/sub, the word ‘rape’ is used, fear play, manhandling, belting etc. this is intense. you’ve been warned. i’m not your babysitter and hate is blocked.

part one: the freaks

everything about cnc just screams seungcheol. he naturally assumes a dominant role over you, and he gets off on it too. the head rush he gets when you submit, giving yourself to him completely is comparable only to what he gets on stage—except with you, it’s so much more delicious. because you would let him do anything.

but what if he didn’t want you to let him?

what if he wanted you to struggle? what if he wanted to have to hold you down and force you to obey?

at first he’s disgusted with himself for having these thoughts. he feels like a terrible person, sick in the worst sense when he imagines you trying pathetically to fight him off, cowering and terrified when he finally subdues you. tears in your eyes as you beg him not to do this. beg him not to hurt you.

when he finally gathers the courage to bring it up he’s beyond nervous; stammering and shaking and refusing to meet your eyes until you grab his hand and nudge his face up to meet yours. “i wanna try it, cheollie,” you say.

silence, for a moment. “really?”

“yeah.”

you catch the glint in his eyes when he looks up at you; the darkness. the smile that grows on his face is nothing less than a warning.

he wouldn’t really be interested in the role play side of things; he doesn’t want to chase you down or break into the house with a knife. no, it wouldn’t do it for him if he were a stranger to you—it has to be him. you have to reject him. you have to be overpowered by him. you have to fear him—because it’s him. because you know the power he wields and all the things he’s capable of.

maybe he’ll make a move while you’re on the couch or in bed; you’ll make a show of pushing him off, hiding your excitement as you tell him you’re just not in the mood right now. and he’ll just tilt his head, cocking an eyebrow quizzically as he stares at you like you’ve just said something ridiculous. offensive, even.

“oh?” he says. “you’re saying no to me now? who taught you that, baby?”

“i have the right to say no, seungcheol.” you try to sound firm but your voice wobbles and his eyes flash with delight. “it’s my body.”

“oh is it?” he chuckles, a deep sound; and nothing about the man in front of you is the loving and considerate person he was seconds ago. “you really don’t know how this works, huh?”

“how what works?”

he moves quickly, pinning you to the couch and hovering over you like prey. “you let me have you,” he breathes. “you let me take you. that means i own you, baby. and you don’t say no to your owner.”

your breath hitches, adrenaline pulsing; despite your knowledge and delight at what’s happening a very real fear begins to pulsate as you kick and squirm under his grip, but he’s so strong he barely seems to notice. “this isn’t fucking funny, seungcheol,” you say. “i don’t like this.”

“poor thing,” he coos. “she doesn’t like this, huh? you know i could make this a lot worse for you, don’t you?”

“stop, cheol. please, i don’t—”

the strength of the slap seems to take you both by surprise; his eyes widen and you cry out, clutching your cheek but it only spurs him on. “you need to learn some respect,” he spits. “need to learn some fucking manners.”

you put up a good fight, of course; you kick and thrash and fight until your body gives out but he’s so much stronger than you—and if he has to physically drag you into position himself, or gag you with your own panties to stop you from screaming for help? then he fucking will.

it’s about time you learned your place.

—

you've always known jeonghan had a bit of a fear kink. and by a bit—well, he goes crazy for it. completely feral at the idea of you cowering beneath him; flinching when he raises his hand; reacting physically to his little displays of power.

it's his favourite game and it's yours too. it came up fairly early in your relationship; when you were just staring to explore more... extreme kinks, and had become aware of just how fucked up you both were. how much you loved it when he hit just a little too hard; used a bit too much pressure: pushed you just a little too far. he felt the way you'd clench around him when you broke down and cried; when he'd whisper threats in your ear and feel the pulse of fear rush through you.

so of course he wants to push it further. so do you.

so you don’t know why you’re so surprised when he comes up to you one day and asks if you want to play this new game he’s been thinking of.

from the look in his eye you have an inkling of what it might be; a hint of something so fucked up and depraved you’re the only person he could ever say it to. and you’re right, of course, as you usually are with him—but even you’re taken aback to hear the words “i want to rape you” come from his mouth.

“oh,” you whisper.

he raises an eyebrow, staring expectantly, if a little nervously at you. “what do you think?”

“it… in what context?” you ask.

“i mean… it wouldn’t be real, baby. you’d have a safeword. i just wanna… fuck.” he shakes his head, cheeks flushed already and it makes you pulse. he really, really wants this.

“wanna what?” you prompt.

“i wanna see you scared, pretty girl. like really, really terrified.”

oh. yes. you want to see that too.

he doesn’t tell you when he’s going to do it; wants it to be a surprise, he says. but you get a bit of a clue a few days later, when he reminds you seven times in the same morning what your safeword is.

still, for his sake you pretend to be surprised when the large presence behind you suddenly clamps a hand over you mouth and drags you over to the wall; slamming you into it with brute strength. there’s danger in his eyes; excitement on a level you’ve never seen and his dick is straining against his pants. “what do we have here?” he smiles. “walking around all pretty like that.” his eyes flicker down to your attire; the loose tshirt and panties clinging to your hips. “you were waiting for me, weren’t you?”

“i don’t know what you’re talking abou—”

he cuts you off with a hand around your throat, holding you in place with enough pressure to set your heart racing. “don’t lie,” he croons. “i know all about you, baby. i know how sluts dress when they’re wanting some attention.”

“i’m not lying.” you spit it through gritted teeth and his lips curl into a smile; somehow sweet and nauseating at the same time.

“well, let’s check, hm?”

you were definitely lying—you wore those pretty little panties you know he loves just to provoke him. unfortunately for you, your pussy does not lie, and when he slips two fingers into your panties his face tells you the jig is up.

“oh dear,” he muses. “i think you were lying, baby. i think you need to learn to tell the truth.”

“learn?” you echo. “how?”

his smile widens. “you ever had your ass fucked, dolly?”

that’s your cue, you decide; you shove him off you with all your strength and make a mad dash for the living room. he just watches you, amused more than irritated—he knows you’ve no chance of overpowering or escaping him. you just need to make a good attempt at it so you can feel like you resisted; can pretend you’re not just as aching for it as he is.

your tears don’t fool him; the sobbed pleas not to hurt you too much, not to do this, i’ll give you whatever you want, just please not this. they only spur him on—make his hips buck and his grip tighten on you. seeing you cry and writhe beneath him only makes him even more determined to destroy you—to ruin you in ways only he knows how. to make it hurt.

and he’d never tell you, but he was always a bit of a masochist too, so the cuts and scratches you leave while he subdues you only makes that first strangling squeeze of your asshole around his dick feel that much better.

—

minghao loves it when you cry. he really, really fucking loves it. to see you break down underneath him, calling his name pathetically between sobs; to see the tears on your face; the red cheeks and helpless eyes—to know that he’s the one who caused it all. there’s nothing like it on earth.

he wants to see you completely fucking broken. you’ve known it for a while now; you were just waiting for him to make the move.

he catches your arm one day as you’re walking past; pulling you towards him with a small smile. “by the way, sweetheart,” he purrs. “your safeword is turkey. don’t forget it.”

“why?” you giggle, sort of half-knowing already.

“because, pet,” he whispers. “from now on, unless you say that word… when you tell me stop, tell me too much, tell me it hurts… i’m gonna keep going. gonna use you til i’m satisfied. now doesn’t that sound fun?”

it really fucking does.

and once this new arrangements of yours is firmly established? he only gets more sadistic. he hits you harder, chokes you harder; drags you into alleyways and public bathrooms with a hand over your mouth just because he can. because you love it.

he’s been fucking you for what feels like hours now. you’re in the bed at least; a small mercy given how fond he’s become lately of forcing you onto all fours on the floor and fucking you until your knees are red and raw. but now your legs are stretched painfully as he holds them firmly on his shoulders and he’s drilling into you so hard it’s painful; saying such horrible things that it all just feels… too much.

and at the same time, it’s nowhere near enough.

but you know exactly what to say to get him to go harder.

“minghao.” you force the word out of your throat, raw and irritated from his earlier abuse. “stop.”

“what did you say?” he asks, not even slowing down for a second. “stop?”

“please, hao.”

he laughs, a sharp, bitter sound. “insolent little brat,” he grunts. “fucking bitch, you think you get to decide that? we’re done when i say we’re done, whore.”

“n-no,” you cry. you try to struggle, writhing under his grip and he slams his hand down on your clit, making you scream.

“yes,” he snarls. “shut up and take it, fuckdoll. this is my fucking pussy and i’ll use it until i’m done.”

you’re sobbing now, hot tears streaming down your face and he leans over you; eyes dark and delighted. “oh, that’s it,” he coos. “let it out, honey. i’ll take care of you. i’m gonna break your pretty brain until there’s nothing left.”

you can’t even talk now, too overwhelmed to think as the pace and force of his thrusts only quickens; you feel like you’re being split open, all your senses in overdrive and your entire body in pain and you’ve never, ever been more turned on.

he can tell.

“good girl,” he mutters. “so fucking wet for me. don’t worry, honey. i’m gonna fucking ruin you.”

he does.

—

if there’s one thing that gets wonwoo off, it’s your size difference. doesn’t matter how big; he just adores it. he adores the way you look so tiny and fragile under him; how small your hand looks in his—how easy it would be to overpower you with his big, strong body.

but how easy would it be, if you actually put up a fight?

you never really have—you love it when he manhandles you; when holds you down, uses his size against you, so you’ve never really resisted it. the only taste he’s ever had of a true fight are those little play fights you have from time to time; stupid, half-heated fighting for stupid reasons. but even that was enough of a taste to drive him absolutely wild. he needs more. he needs to win you.

“sweetheart,” he calls for you as he walks into your apartment after work. you come running immediately as you always do, pulling him into a hug and he laughs. “hi, honey. you—”

you pull away suddenly, just enough to peer up at him with those wide, innocent eyes, and all else is forgotten. you look so small like this. he can’t wait any longer. he won’t.

“fuck,” he curses. you raise an eyebrow, head tilting. “baby. tiny girl.”

“yeah?” fuck, your voice is so soft. so weak.

“sweetheart. i wanna try something new with you.”

“o…okay.” you sound confused; a little nervous—good. you should be. “what is it, woo?”

“i want you to fight me off.”

the silence is thick and painful and never ending as he awaits your response; you blink once, twice, three times as you process what he’s said to you. “fight you off?” you repeat. “like, in sex?”

you don’t sound disgusted, at least—just unsure exactly what he’s asking you. he hums, nodding his head. "i want to overpower you, baby," he says. "i wanna earn that pussy—fight for it, you know? wanna see you struggle."

fuck. you do know, now that you think about it. "yeah," you say. "i think i wanna try it."

"yeah?" he grins, demeanour shifting; it amazes you sometimes, how quickly he can let the nerves fall away and fully envelop himself in what he's doing. "you wanna fight me off, baby?"

“yeah.” you swallow, lightheaded already. ���i wanna.”

“good girl.”

you’re half expecting him to pounce on you straight away, but instead he presses a kiss to your forehead and walks off. you decide not to question him; knowing your boyfriend, he’s already got this planned out to the letter, and by the sounds of it, waiting and wandering when he’s going to strike is half the point.

but if he thinks taking you by surprise will make you easy to subdue, he’s dead fucking wrong.

the moment his hand closes over your mouth some days later, you’re ready; adrenaline kicks in instantly and you shove back against him; your hands fly up to claw at his forearm where he’s wrapped it around your neck, pressing against your throat with just enough pressure to make you panic. “come on, easy, easy baby.” his voice is soft, soothing and it fools no one. “don’t struggle, you know i don’t like it when you struggle.”

a lie, of course—his dick is rock hard and pressed against your ass, twitching each time you thrash and struggle against him. he loves his—even loves it when you bite down on his palm hard enough to draw blood.

“fuck,” he curses; he pulls his hand away from your mouth but the arm against your throat is more than enough to keep you still as he yanks your head back to meet his eyes.

the face that stares back at you is unlike you’ve ever seen it; none of the love and tenderness you can usually find even in the most intense of scenes—rather pure, uncompromising darkness. ice.

“you bitch,” he spits. “fuck, i was gonna be nice to you, y’know, was even gonna let you cum a few times but you obviously can’t behave.”

“fuck you,” you grunt. when his grip loosens momentarily you try to make a run for it but he just laughs, pulling you back into him as easily as if you were a tiny puppy who’d wriggled out of its leash.

“i don’t think so, doll,” he says. “you don’t run from me. now be good and i won’t have to hurt you too much, yeah?”

the answer is no, obviously, just as he wanted it to be—it doesn’t stop him from holding you by the hair and belting your ass raw while you cry and squirm on his cock, though.

doesn’t stop you from loving every second of it, either.

—

[rosenclaws]

Hi! I have a headcannon

How does Logan reacts when you slap, touch or pinch his butt caughting him off guard

lmao omg i love this. He does have a great ass so like…he better be careful bending over in front of met thats all imma say.

Origins Logan -

It totally takes him by surprise. The two of you are laying on the couch watching a movie when Logan gets up to get another beer. You can’t help yourself alright? Your boyfriend has a very nice ass so the moment he gets up you slap his ass hard. He tenses and turns around to look at you with his jaw dropped. Its sort of like a “Did you seriously just do that?” Look and you just giggle because you see him get all red. But he doesn’t hate it. When he comes back with his beer he sits down and places his arm over your shoulders, pulling you close and telling you that he’ll get you back for that one. And don’t forget he’s got super strength hehe

Trilogy Logan -

Logan is such a fucking menace oh my god. He slaps and touches your ass any chance he gets so its about time he gets some payback. Its breakfast in the kitchen and he’s rummaging around the fridge looking for something to eat when you sneak behind him and plant a fat smack right on his plaid pajama pants. He freezes and slowly looks back at you. You laugh real cute as he sees some of the team laughing to themselves. He thinks its cute but he won’t let you get the last laugh. He asks if you think thats funny and watches as you get all shy. He leans in close and tells you not to run away now and to finish what you started.

DOFP Logan -

He’s totally taken off guard. You’re flirting in his classroom before class. Telling him how hot he looks as a professor and that the authority looks good on him. He just chuckles and continues to write on the board. Suddenly he feels a pinch on his ass and he looks to see you smirking, pretending to be reading a paper you picked up from his desk. He doesn’t care that class is starting in a few minutes as he grabs you and puts you on his desk. His hands roaming to your ass as he asks if you pinched him. You play dumb but Logan won’t have it and slaps your ass. Keep in mind he’s got super strength and metal in his bones. He doesn’t mind when you do it. He likes it. But he won’t go down without a fight ;)

Old Man Logan -

It takes him off guard and honestly makes him a little flustered. Of all his features Logan never really thought much of his ass but you seem to love it. He thinks its cute when you try and sneak around him. He always hears you but sometimes he pretends not to. Your hands on his ass slapping it when he’s bent over looking for something or when he’s in the shower. He tells you to quit it but you don’t. He teases you about being obsessed with an old man and you just whine. Saying its not your fault he’s so handsome. Logan likes it when you stick your hand in his back pocket. He likes knowing that you want him that badly.

Worst Logan -

He’s bewildered the first time you do it. He’s passed out on the couch and you need him to move because you want to watch TV. He’s on his stomach in boxers and shirtless. Without thinking you yell his name and slap his ass hard. Telling him to move. He’s like a confused dog who just woke up from a good nap. His hair is all fucked and he sits up still half asleep. It takes him a second but then he turns and asks if you just slapped his ass to which you just shrug. You keep doing it and every time Logan doesn’t know whether to tell you to stop or just enjoy it. Wade catches you doing it once though and now he won’t shut the fuck up about it. In fact wade tried to grab his ass and Logan sliced his fingers off. Safe to say he only likes it when you do it.

[joeldarling]

Pretty Thing - Oldman!Joel x F!reader (+18)

Summary: You need to change a tire and a pretty stranger helps you with, but, of course, you have to pay him back somehow.

Warnings: MINORS DNI! F!reader, porn without a bigger plot, AGE GAP (Joel is 60), no reader description at all, p in v, public (kinda?) sex, no protection, JOEL IN GLASSES MENTIONED.

Word count: 1,9k.

A/N: English it’s not my first language, sooooo, you know. You can find more spicy and oldman!Joel in my masterlist as well. I am currently working on another soft request and might turn into a mini-series so let me know what you think! Feedbacks are utterly appreciated and my requests are always open. 💌

You know your tire is flat the moment you hear the wheel rim hitting the asphalt, and you can't help but sigh in exasperation. You're exhausted; the Texas heat is almost cruel, and it's bad enough that your old pickup truck doesn't have AC. Being inside an unventilated vehicle under the scorching sun is almost like being inside an oven, and worst of all, you don't have the slightest idea how to change a tire. You'd never been unlucky enough before and had always tried to be careful, not speeding and swerving around potholes.

But you were in a hurry that day, needing to deliver some packages for your father and get home by dinnertime to prepare something for him and feel more like a good daughter, pushing to the back of your mind the regret of not having stayed in Austin for college, but returning years later when your career hadn't even taken off.

To you, it was almost funny.

Well, things like this happen all the time.

You just needed some time to figure out what you would do with your life, and until then, you considered it a good idea to try and reconnect with the man who had resented you your whole life, treating you like a burden because your mother had decided to leave, throwing the responsibility of raising you onto him.

The spare tire was probably fine; you'd had that pickup since you were sixteen, and now, at twenty-four, your finances didn't allow for extra expenses on a newer car. Not that you cared. You were a simple girl, after all.

You got out of the vehicle, going to the back to open the tailgate; due to the lack of phone signal, not even a self-help video would be possible. You only knew that you needed to unscrew some things and fit others, nothing very practical.

You felt like lying down on the hot asphalt and staying there until a car passed and ran you over to death, but you couldn't be any later, and so, you started trying to remove the used spare tire from the pickup, without success since the lock was too tight. A few minutes later, you were almost giving up, and even if you could call someone, you simply had no one to call. Your father wouldn't come and the truck's overdue insurance even less so. You would have to figure it out yourself.

“Needin’ sum’ help over there, girl?” A stranger's voice echoed, making you jump. You hadn't even noticed his sudden approach, too caught up in your miserable thoughts to care about whoever it was. “Seems like your car’s fucked up.”

When you turn around, the air leaves your lungs, as if the heat had taken over every cell in your body, causing you to choke, stumbling over the words you want to say but can't. Damn, the stranger is possibly the most handsome man you've ever seen; the type of real beauty that makes your pussy wet, with strong hands that know how to take care of a woman.

Your spiral of thoughts scares you, but you take a deep breath; you shouldn't even be thinking about this, after all, you have a bigger problem. The man is clearly old enough to be your father, you don't even like to think about it, but you can't help it. He had a cigarette butt in his mouth, his gray hair swept back with dark curls, and he definitely had a prominent belly that made you gasp.

“Yea… Erm… My…” You point, unable to say anything else. “Not strong enough to take off the other one. It's too tight.”

And suddenly, you don't even think about the dangers that this could present. The man could be a murderer or worse, but your instincts were calm enough that your only concern was your own attire: the short lace dress, the worn leather boots, and your clear lack of sense in not wearing a bra, after all, you had planned to return home quickly.

The stranger approached the flat tire, observing it carefully, and then looked at you.

“Ya’ smoke?” He asked. You didn’t smoke, but you nodded, anxious to please that man. “M’name is Joel. Don’t worry, girl. It’ll be quick.”

You thank him in a murmur and offer him your name, which he repeats clearly, curious. You appreciate the way it sounds sweeter on his lips. Joel it’s obviously in his sixties, wearing glasses that gave away his age, flannel with jeans, even in all that heat, he didn't seem bothered, he was naturally attractive.

Joel easily removed your spare tire, changed the flat, and secured the old one back in place, even tighter. You would have it fixed as soon as possible.

You don't talk, but at times your eyes meet. He analyzes you like an experiment. Joel was just an old man who hadn't touched a woman in years, and of course, by his own choice. Even now that his daughters were grown and lived in different places, even now that he could take anyone he wanted home, he didn't like all the hunting. And well, you seemed to be offered to him on a silver platter; he had observed your reactions. The way you sighed when he took off his flannel, remaining only in his white tank top, lightly smudging the light cotton fabric with dirt from the tire, or how you seemed to stammer, trying to say something and uttering absolutely nothing, your beautiful mouth opening and closing several times.

“Ready to go, girl.” He said, wiping his dirty hands on his pants. Of course, he didn't expect any payment, but you nodded, heading towards the driver's side of the pickup, looking for your wallet and your last twenty dollars which would certainly make a difference later. It just felt wrong to let Joel go away empty-handed.

As you stretched your body to reach the small bag where you kept your things, you simply felt Joel's presence behind you; he held your waist firmly. The dress was too short for you to do that; of course, part of you had done it on purpose. He rubbed his hip against your butt. Joel was already hard, and you wondered when that had happened, not that your pussy wasn't equally wet, needing his attention since you had seen him for the first time.

"Don't need your money, pretty thing," he said, his drawl vibrating in every word as you felt him lift your dress, exposing your skin and the lace panties that barely covered anything, completely soaked for him. "It seems like you want this too, hm? Ya' made pretty obvious."

Damn.

It's nothing romantic, of course not. Your body is burning with desire for him, for a man who won't disappoint you and will do the hard work. It's hot, and the sun seems to have multiplied, but you can only feel Joel in every corner of your mind. That stranger who seemed to come from the same place as you, but for sure, Austin was big enough that you didn't know him. No kisses, but his hands slide over your waist, squeezing your flesh, and you can hear his hoarse moans, as if he's as needy as you are.

He only stops touching you to open the buckle of his leather belt and pull down his jeans just to his knees. Joel massages his own cock, completely hard and dripping with precum. You do nothing to stop him; in fact, you only arch yourself even more towards him. And when Joel pushes your panties aside, groaning at the sight of your cunt, you let out the same sound in return, almost begging him, but speaking felt wrong, too intimate, too much.

He enters you slowly, surprised by how tight you were but wild enough not to even care if you were a virgin or not, and just the thought of being your first makes him bury the rest of his lenght all at once, his cock hitting your spongy point specifically as the pain dissipated with the pleasure. Obviously, you weren't a virgin, but the only boyfriend you had in college felt like a distant past when Joel started to move, in and out.

He wanted to paint you white with his cum and as you moaned his name in a kind of mantra, Joel used one of his hands and wrapped it in your hair, pulling hard.

“Such a pretty tight cunt…” He groaned, his breath coming in gasps as your bodies dripped with sweat. Your breasts rubbed against the fabric of your dress, causing a delicious friction. You wanted more and more of him until you couldn't think anymore.

Seeming to hear your thoughts, he simply picked up the pace while letting go of your hair, and your face met the upholstery of the seat. Your hands searched for something to hold onto but Joel pinned both your wrists against your back, having complete control of everything else.

“Gonna fill ya’ up with my cum and put a baby on you so I can keep fuckin’ ya’ for the rest of m’life.” He seemed extremely willing, and you didn't fight it; it didn't seem like a bad idea. But all you could think about at that moment was how much you needed to cum and make a complete mess under his cock.

“Joel… Please…” You begged.

“Cum for me, babygirl. Make a mess for me, hm?” He seemed equally close to filling you with his cum and part of you wanted Joel to release first. But upon hearing his command, it was as if the rest of the world went silent.

You moaned his name loudly one last time; it felt so good, the way he cared about your pleasure, everything. You reached your orgasm like never before; your legs trembled, you felt your vision darken, and he didn't stop for a moment, thrusting in and out of your pussy as if his life depended on it. He savored every moment of it, making it last much longer than you were used to.

“Fuck, so tight, darlin’... M’gonna cum so good, babygirl.” He announced between his uneven breaths. Joel, despite his age, was still completely in shape; maybe it was the fact that he was feeling a pussy around his cock after a long time… He couldn't say, it just felt fucking good.

Joel finally came all inside of you, the feeling of being filled up with his cum was delicious. He seemed ecstatic and you wished so badly to see his face at that moment, but you felt completely drained, receiving everything Joel was willing to give you. You simply blacked out for a few seconds, regaining consciousness only when he finally pulled out of you, leaving a white, viscous, and warm trail.

He carefully turned your body, knowing your legs were too weak to support your own weight, and held your waist, settling you onto the seat after adjusting your panties and running his thumb across your throbbing pussy, bringing it to his lips and murmuring how delicious you were.

"Gonna need sum' time to recover, pretty thing," he said, looking equally exhausted, covered in sweat, and kept his hands on your body. "Gonna make ya' mine for sure. Never gonna change a damn tire again."

When your eyes met his, this time seeming permanent, you didn't deny any of it. God knew how much you needed someone to take care of you, and if fate had put this stranger in your path, who were you to argue?

[monsteradarling]

okay, let me understand this. According to you guys sexuality is only based on biological sex. Following that logic, lesbians can only date/love/fuck biological woman and anyone who likes both males and females is bisexual. Using YOUR logic on what qualifies as the real definition of sexuality that would mean a lesbian can still date/love/fuck a fully transitioned transman and still be considered a lesbian. If she's not a lesbian then why? She's dating a member of female sex no matter how masculine looking that transman is.

Listen, I'm just asking a basic question because the criteria you guys give is kind of hard to follow. I know this situation is least likely to happen but if you're part of a group that likes to preach about reality and actual science then you kind of need to have answers to this hypothetical question..

I find it really funny how you accused me of hiding some kind of fetish behind my ask. And how you accused me of being lesbophobic because I......used lesbians as my example in a hypothetical situation....could have I used other groups? Maybe, but during that ask I was thinking about lesbians (why do I have a feeling you'll accuse me of sexualizing lesbians now?) Could have I worded my ask a little bit better? Maybe but English isn't my first language so I did my best at trying to articulate myself. And I don't think it's right for you to accuse someone of trying to be perverted or hiding some fetish behind their intention.

I get angry about these kinds of deliberately baiting questions for three reasons.

The premise is rooted in TRA-branded misogyny.

That particular set of questions from you is lesbophobic.

Bisexuals such as myself end up being dragged into the conversation like we deserve to be thrown at TRAs as toys for them to abuse so that straight and lesbian women don't have to deal with you.

This isn't difficult. Why do you think it's called sexuality in the first place?

Lesbian women are only attracted to other females.

Straight women are only attracted to males.

Bisexual women are attracted to both females and males.

In your obsessive hypothetical, a lesbian in a relationship with a TIF is still a lesbian. She will always be a lesbian. If said TIF has had surgery to try and give herself the nearest possible approximate that attempts to be as phallus-like as possible, then it's still not an actual penis - and if, in some magical world that said hypothetical TIF managed to find a unicorn of a lesbian that would still want to be with her after all that surgery and self-hatred and desperation to not even be seen as the woman she is, then it's not difficult to remember that different people have a wide variety of sex drives, and if that hypothetical lesbian is in love with that hypothetical TIF, that does not mean that sex has to be automatic between them, or if it is, that it would involve that fake attempt at a phallus at all. (As an aside, as a bisexual woman, I would be repulsed by that, and I'm the one that has enjoyed PIV sex before, unlike, you know, actual lesbians.)

None of this is difficult to understand or even shocking or surprising news. There is never, in any case, a TIF who is actually a man, and a lesbian in love with another actual woman can never suddenly become bisexual.

It frustrates me in particular because you are desperate to try and push lesbian boundaries. You want someone to say, "In X case, then a lesbian into a specific TIF isn't a lesbian anymore" and "In Y case, a woman who is into other women and also a TIM is a lesbian" but neither of those sentences will ever be true.

It's not rocket science, it's gaslighting, and it's also one of the reasons that bisexuals - especially bisexual women and girls - have been manipulated into calling themselves "straight" or "lesbian," all to validate narcissistic TIMs and TIFs. The only reason that you find this difficult to understand is because you don't believe that sexuality is to do with biological sex. That's all.

I also don't believe that English not being your first language would have you apologise for an ask being "sexual" when you only mentioned "dating." I won't ever look down on someone writing in their second language, because that's an incredible skill, but I also won't be gaslighted into giving you extra inches by you clearly being expert enough to read through radfem theory and defending TRA positions, yet have now decided to pretend that you didn't know what the word "sexual" meant. Be serious, now.

[cultkinkcoven]

Weird strange. random and confusing shit I’ve noticed Lucifer does (NSFW)

1. Tends to be left handed, I only noticed this last night. He usually writes with his left hand.

2. Watches me swallow stuff- this is probably related to the mouth fixation thing. He likes to watch me swallow- drinks, food and whatnot but also just in general, spit. When he offers me a drink he watches me until he sees me swallow it, or he’ll explicitly order me to swallow it even though yeah that’s obviously what I’m going to do.

3. I’ve mentioned this before but he has a size fixation. He comments on my smallness often, (which is interesting because I’m not particularly short or anything, I’m 5”7) the size of my hands, my feet, my head, my nose. He finds the smallness of the human body to be endearing.

4. He’s a big sniffer, he’s extremely into bodily odours but also just scent in general it seems like. He smells the food offerings I give him more than he eats them.

5. He’s actually really mean- not to me, ever, but towards strangers. I’ve noticed that he sometimes makes comments about other people when I’m out and about that are SO mean. It’s usually not entirely unprompted, but sometimes I’ll be in the mall or something and a guy will bump into me, and I’m like oops sorry. And I hear Lucifer be like “this fucking idiot doesn’t seem to know how to walk straight.” We see a guy and his crying child making a scene in the store and he’s like “what a pathetic excuse for a father” LIKE DAMN OKAY

6. He’s extremely territorial about my body being touched by strangers. Lucifer has never been protective over me in regards to like my boyfriend, he loves when my boyfriend touches me. But if we’re in public and someone brushes up against me, his energy manifests pretty immediately. He doesn’t always say anything, it’s more so just him becoming extremely aware and watching to figure out who touched me and why. This ties into the last one, because if it’s a stranger he may have something unkind to say about it. “I don’t like his filthy hands on you,” lol okay love it was literally just a touch in passing it’s okay.

7. Makes comments about my hormones??? This is a really fucking weird one. So yesterday he was doing that thing where he sniffs all up on me, and he made a face and said something like “oh, you’re ovulating, have you been feeling hornier these last couple days?” and I was like pardon my fuck??? For context I am a trans man on testosterone, I haven’t gotten a period in literally like a decade, I didn’t think I even could ovulate anymore. But he was like “yeah, lseems like you’re ovulating right now,” and he said it in a way that was so obviously charged. Wtf bro. I’m only now realizing as I’m typing this that his scent thing is probably a hormone thing. He’s probably smelling my hormones. Alrighty then.

8. His sense of humour seems really random at times. This is perplexing because sometimes he’ll laugh over something that doesn’t really seem funny at all, like what’s the punchline?? He says often that he thinks that I am very funny. His laugh is very cute.

9. He actually does care quite a lot about his spaces. Like astral spaces, places I go to during trances. For example, his throne room office. I always assumed these things were more metaphorical, just the way my mind rationalizes his energy and the place. I didn’t think he would care if I spilled wine on the carpet for example, because in my mind this place wasn’t actually real. It’s just a projection. But a couple times we have been smoking together on the couch and I’ve accidentally ashed on it, and he’ll like furrow his brow and try to brush the ash away without smearing it on the couch. He’ll ask me to use a coaster when having a drink with him as not to stain the table. The one time I actually did spill wine on the floor he wasn’t mad, he tried not to make a deal about it, but I could tell it did bother him, and he spent a minute trying to soak it up.

10. He’s a tickle monster. And FUCK him for that. It usually serves a practical function, if I’ve been very deep in a trace or altered state of mind, his tickling immediately brings me back to lucidity. It’s a shock to the nervous system. Doesn’t make it any less evil though.

11. He’ll re-explain things seemingly at random. Like we’ll just be hanging out and then he’ll be like “that time I told you that thing, I didn’t explain that correctly, I actually meant this.” and i’m like oh ok. And..? and he’s like “that’s all. I just thought I should correct myself.” It’s usually something like “I told you once that Jupiter doesn’t have rings, that’s technically incorrect.” and I’m like ok. I wasn’t even thinking about Jupiter or that conversation but alright good to know.

[coreytaylr]

100% legit totally real facts about the historical stede bonnet

no the title is not a lie these are really REAL bc believe it or not, somehow the show made our stede MORE competent than the real one

sources: Real Pirates podcast (ep1, ep2, ep3, ep4, ep5), Dirty Sexy History podcast (with jeremy moss, bonnet's biographer, who LOVES the show, and said it changed his perspective on bonnet's and blackbeard's relationship PLUS he has the stedesrevenge handle on twt)

the library on the revenge was a real thing. the man really did that.

running away from his family to be a pirate

paying a salary to his crew

SHOWING UP IN NASSAU IN FRILLY GENTLEMANLY CLOTHES AND A POWDERED WIG

before bonnet's capture, he ran his ship aground and that's how the english caught up with him BUT the two english ships also ran aground (😭), so they fought each other with their flintlock pistols from behind their ships (until the tides turned and dislodged the english ships first. rip)

adopted an alias when he started pirating so people wouldn't know it was him but he raided ships near Barbados (where he's from), so that didnt turn out well. his solution? burning every ship from Barbados

he only succeeded in his early days bc merchant ships knew they would get off easier if they surrendered

ATTACKED A WARSHIP that whooped his ass so bad he almost died. the remaining crew steered the ship to Nassau where he met blackbeard

blackbeard stole the revenge from him but "allowed" him to stay on BB's ship (either as a guest or as a prisoner, it's not clear, but he def wasn't a crew member bc he didn't have any chores)

he was seen on deck running around in his gowns 😭😭

BB eventually reinstated him as the captain of the revenge and they sailed together for a while

"there is a 4 month period where stede and blackbeard kind of disappeared and no one really knows what they were doing" 👀

BB allowed bonnet to raid on his own which lead to him getting his ass beat by the Protestant Caesar. BB then proceeded to HUNT DOWN THE PROTESTANT CAESAR while flying the RED FLAG (which meant no mercy to anyone on board)

bonnet would raid ships and take what provisions he needed and give the other ship what he didn't need (essentially the library raiding scene lmaoo)

BB betrayed bonnet by raiding his ship and marooning his crew while bonnet was off getting a pardon

SO BONNET SWORE REVENGE AGAINST BB who was at the time, the most feared pirate

this led to him adopting another alias - "he also changes his name, at the time he goes by captain edward's. which is really interesting, I don't know if that's an homage to, you know, edward teach, but.. captain edward's with an "s", that's as if he's.. a possession of captain edward" ONCE AGAIN 👀👀👀👀

HE ESCAPED PRISON BY DRESSING AS A WOMAN

after escaping, he was promised a sloop by some rando. when the rando didnt deliver, bonnet "WROTE HIM A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER REPRIMANDING THE MAN"

that letter led to him being recaptured 😭😭

he was hanged while holding a bouquet of wilted flowers

[buqbite]

part 1 (on VA and being better than humans)

part 2 (on welt and being just a human)

[saph-yells-into-the-void]

i randomly got reminded of that one guy in blue lock who really likes basketball over soccer and i cant stop laughing.

You have this soccer manga where the entire appeal is all of these guys being ride or die for soccer, acting like its life or death.

meanwhile you just have this guy (ishikari) who decides that actually, he'd rather be playing basketball.

[marclef]

okay so uhhh. definitely wasn't expecting this any time soon. or ever. but unless my tumblr has been lying to me for 3 days straight then i guess it happened.

uhhhhh. thanks for 700 followers bros 👁👁💧

like. i didn't even see my tumblr get to 400. unless i've been hallucinating that it's been at 300 for the last month. am i going insane? maybe. but uhhh. that's a lot of people looking at me. kinda freaking me out a little. but thanks regardless i guys, it does mean a lot to me ✨❤❤❤✨

anyways. i die. nervous. some various rambling under the cut and in the tags but here's an artistic rendition of how i feel right now. enjoy.

so yeah. i don't know how the hell my follower count has doubled in like, two months. maybe it's the Fake Peppino Hugs? a lot of people have been wanting hugs after all. it uhhhh kinda makes me feel weird knowing there's this many of you. but i'll try to manage.

speaking of hugs, yes i've seen the new asks and requests in my inbox i promise!! i will get to them when i can, but for now i'm gonna try to focus on getting a couple other big important things done. mainly, a large Fake Peppino headcanon-related post i've been planning, and getting a few more characters up on Artfight before July.

and also.... i might be getting commissions up soon too?? i don't know how soon, but it'd be a way for me to get income right now since i don't have a job. or, if you don't wanna commission me but still wanna show support, i have a link to me Ko-Fi on my intro post as well! really any support is welcome, but i'm trying to figure out how to do commissions and pricing and stuff since it'll be the first time i *officially* do them. i hope you'll think about it though!!

but yeah, i've got a good few things i've gotta get done with, i'm trying to take things a liiiiittle slow right now though so i don't burn myself out fully. i will try to get stuff done soon though! expect that big Fakey post in maybe a week or so, and i'll update you all on other things that happen as well!

thanks for reading if you have, love ya's ❤❤💗💗💗❤❤

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[xxplastic-cubexx]

was hoping he’d look more comic accurate (twinkier) 😔 but rivals love their redesigns

this is a personal win in my book i fear i care little for twinks

[fridayiminlovemp3]

that weird ass fucking lifetime christmas movie that’s thinly veiled fan fiction about taylor swift and travis kelce makes me so uncomfortable like that is FREAK behaviour, making that a real movie is FREAK BEHAVIOUR. i can’t even watch the trailer for it it just freaks me out

[arolesbianism]

Finally got around to finishing the second nugget batch, this time featuring several favorite children and the absolute least favorite child <3

[peppermintpegis]

netflix one piece live action feels a little like fanfic in that it makes sure it hits all the important notes but doesnt do all the work to make them hit which works in fic where the reader is supposed to bring all the emotional story investment from the original but doesnt work in a multi million adaptation that is supposed to be able to stand on its own or even serve as an intro to the series. it even does this in service to have more koby and helmeppo gay moments in this essay i w

[dhmis-autism]

Red Guy being deluded with his crush on Duck is equally funny, me thinks

Just this feral full on rabies man Duck who commits war crimes and Red’s delusional ass goes “he is so dreamyyyyy ❤️❤️❤️”

HE'S GOT THEEE WORST TASTE AND I WILL STAND BY THAT FOREVER.

Like, Red has got his issues, but you could see why people would like him. Sooo many people have/had a crush at him at one point it's unreal. NO ONE FEELS THAT WAY ABOUT DUCK GDGDF

THERE'S SO MUCH WRONG WITH HIM... FOR GODS SAKE LOOK AT HIM.

look at his PANTS LEG