#all of these are so fucking funny how was this man REAL

[ouaw-facts-i-just-made-up]

When Gideon is telling his story of escaping enslavement in episode 45, he fabricated the story a little bit. At the parts when he made a joke about telling some guy he fucked his Mom or made himself sound cool, he was lying because the real story is more terrifying and upsetting than he wants to share so he made it more funny and entertaining for everyone's sake. There was probably lots of moments when hobgoblins tried to pull him back or nearly shot at him and probably called him slurs. He gave them the more PG version of the story.

This is a true fact.

I think so too. The joke was funny, and maybe he even thought about saying it when he was planning his escape, but it would have been a fucking terrifying situation.

Gideon doesn't *like* being terrified. He's supposed to be the bodyguard, the strong guy, the brick wall that stops people from hurting his friends. If he's scared...what then? He hesitates, he stumbles. If that happened even *once*, all his friends could die, he could lose his new life.

Or what if after sharing the *real* story, people thought he was weak? That he wasn't worth having around because he couldn't handle some hobgoblins, so how could he handle any business in the real world? Gideon knows that the situation was difficult, in fact many would have died in his place, but it doesn't stop him from thinking he could have been better.

And, maybe not worse than that but definitely not helpful, the *pity* is almost painful. I think perhaps he's only really told Kremy everything. Kremy doesn't do pity. Kremy treats him like a grown ass man who isn't looking for some faux sympathy but, like, a friend. Maybe some reassurance, comfort even. Anything but pity.

So yeah, it's all one big joke. In the past, forgot it all already. Just a little 10 year notch in the fantastic life of Gideon Coal. It's so funny guys. It's absurd to think how I could have been scared. Don't give me that look. We are laughing. It's so hilarious that I can't stop thinking about it over and over and over and over again. I replay it in my head all the time, for fun. The shaking, the tears, the hyperventilating. It's just cause it's so fucking funny.

[kaisaerinlover]

michael kaiser

tw: dubcon, incest

michael kaiser. he’s a great brother, he loves his baby sister and she loves him too. he’s an excellent brother, actually. except for when he’s not. except for the times like now. he’s angry. he just got home from practice and he’s mad, you don’t know what at, what do you know about football? you don’t pry and you don’t ask, you know how he is when he’s stressed. you know he’s home because of the loud bang from downstairs. you’re thankful you aren’t the wall because you can all but imagine the hole that kaiser’s tattooed fist has more than likely just left there. you’re thinking about it still, so hard you don’t even notice your bedroom door slam open.

kaiser looks pissed, and stressed. he’s looking at you with rage and desperation. you’re confused, what are you supposed to do? “mic-“ he pins you to the bed before you can even speak his name fully, hand over your mouth and wrists over your head. “don’t talk, please, just let me have this.” have what? you don’t know what he’s talking about? poor you, you’re so innocent, it’s funny. kaiser would find it cute usually, but not right now, he needs this so bad. he smashes his lips onto yours, this isn’t the sweet kisses you’re oh so accustomed to; this is desperate. if he wasn’t your brother you’d think he was about to cannibalise you or something, seriously. kaiser is a little rough sometimes, but never in this setting. usually it’s a punch or a few insults, not this. but ah, you’re so wet already; and you’re so ashamed of that.

he’s already on top of you, peeling off your cute pajamas that he graciously gifted you just last week (thanks big brother) and pinching you everywhere harshly. you can see in his eyes something is seriously up, he’s so desperate. he pinches your tits in his much larger hands, and you whine. “all mine, you’re all for me, aren’t you? say it.” his tone is stern, and you know better than to disobey, but he also looks so desperate, what has gotten your brother so riled up? “all for y-you micha, everythin’ for y-you-“ you sputter out between breathy moans. he’s toying with your nipples, and it hurts. he’s so mean, and you hate yourself for liking it.

if he didn’t notice your arousal before he definitely has by now, you’re grinding on the knee he has slotted between your frail legs. “you want me? say it, tell me you want me” and you shake your head no. no way, you don’t want this, it’s too rough for you. he has to be nicer with you. and he doesn’t like that, are you out of your fucking mind? your brother is michael fucking kaiser. he’s done everything for you, he raised you and you tell him no? “you fucking whore, just listen for once, don’t you remember everything i’ve done for you? is that how you treat your brother who gave up everything just to give you a good fucking life?” he’s right. how could you do that to your brother? you’re a bad sister aren’t you?

before you know it you’re kicked onto the floor between his legs as he pulls his shorts down and palms his erection through his boxers. and you’re so cute down there. you’re clinging to his leg looking up at him like he’s a god passing judgement on you. “‘m sorry mikka, sorry f-for real- i’ll be good i swear-“ you sniffle. and man are you cute. you look like a kicked puppy. god you’re so easy to bend to his will. it’s a miracle you’re his sister, because if anyone else was your brother you’d be done for, they would take so much advantage of you. he muses to himself, even though he knows he’s probably way worse than anyone else that would ever even interact with you (if he allowed it, which he’s never going to.) he brings a finger to your lips to hush you as he pulls out his cock completely. “it’s ok, just be good for me now, ‘kay? i had a long day.” and you are good. you’re so good, opening your mouth so pliantly to take your brothers dick.

he’s gripping your hair so hard you’re scared he’s about to pull your scalp off, but don’t worry, he knows better, he knows how to make it as painful as he can without causing you any actual harm. lucky you, or something. it hurts really bad, you’re too delicate for this, but when you open your eyes and look up to see your older brother in complete ecstasy it’s so worth it, so worth gagging on his fat cock ‘cause at least it makes him happy. at least you’re repaying him for everything he’s done for you, right? he deserves this! everyone deserves a break ‘specially your brother ‘cause he does so much for his beloved baby sister. kaiser loves it, seeing you on your knees between his legs, the girl he raised like a kid, his sister, the one he shares the same eyes with, the same hair, the same smile that you wear so much better, everything. so fucking cute. you’re so perfect, he’s secretly so insecure you’re going to pack up and leave him one day. it’s why he’s been so stressed ontop of soccer. please don’t leave your brother after he did so much for you! you look so docile down there, and you are, he knows ‘cause he trained you to be like that. you’re good for him always, and he likes that.

it’s so rewarding when he finally cums. you’re panting so much, some of his cum almost spills out of your mouth. he’s quick to close it with his hand and you feel a little embarrassed. don’t be such a wasteful idiot, you have to take everything your brother gives you so generously. both of you are worn out, he thinks you look so cute, mouth stuffed full of his cock and seed like a cute hamster. he wipes his spent dick on your cheek and ruffles your hair affectionately. “good job, you did good” all of his anger dissipated as soon as he came, he’s so lucky he knows it. having a baby sister is the best, seriously, the best remedy for any negative emotions at all.

you’re still so wet, and you’re so ashamed! you shouldn’t feel like this, but you do, and kaiser knows it too. good thing you did so well at taking his cock tonight, now he’ll indulge you a little too. you’re still on the floor, sitting with your legs up and a little spread. you look so cute, looking up at him with so much admiration and love, like he’s some deity. to you he is, he’s your whole world actually, you don’t have anyone except him. you’re kinda like a pet, he thinks. the saying that you should be nice to your pet because you’re their whole life, but they aren’t your whole life because you have other people, other things, other responsibilities. that’s kind of how your brother views you. you’re so closed off from everything else, it’s funny. a pet sister. he wants to laugh at the thought, but he simply looks down at you. you were really good, weren’t you?

he brings a socked foot between your legs and massages your soaked panties with it. ah, it’s so degrading, and you moan so sweetly afterwards. he’s teasing you, you know you probably look pathetic, mewling at your brothers foot tormenting your aching pussy, but you don’t care, you want it so bad. he’s toying with you, he’s so mean sometimes, you think. but it’s better than before, at least he’s not mad. he’s smirking down at you. “feels good? little slut” he chastises you, but his words don’t hold any real malice, only love. you don’t need to answer, you won’t be able to form a real sentence anyway, don’t worry, he knows that. he just keeps toying with your aching core with his foot. like you’re some insignificant pet cat on the floor.

and then comes what he was waiting for. your sweet begging, it’s so cute, you’re so cute, adorable in fact. “s-stop playin’ mikka- please- need you- please i was so g-goodddd” you whine at him. and he agrees, you were good. such a good girl for your brother. fine, he’ll indulge you. you’re on his lap with 3 of his fingers rubbing on your cunt, your brother’s fingers are so nice, he knows exactly what you like. he stops for a second to shove his fingers in your mouth. “can you taste how sweet you are on your brother’s fingers, hm? prinzessin?” he laughs. he’s so condescending the whole time, you feel so pathetic for enjoying this. he probably thinks you’re a fool! and he does, but in a different way, he thinks as he goes back to rubbing your little pussy, you’re a fool, but it’s okay, you’re only the product of your elder brother. he made you this way so he could enjoy you, let him reap his reward, okay? don’t overthink! your brother likes how pitiful you are under his touch. under his presence. under simply him.

it’s deplorable how much you’ve enjoyed tonight, your brother’s fingers still toying with you til’ you can’t take it anymore, but neither of you care. you can’t care anyway, this is normal to you; you’re a well trained girl and your mind is elsewhere on this subject. he could care, but he doesn’t, if you don’t care why should he? finally, his skilled fingers coax you to your orgasm, and you pant in his arms. he brings his fingers to your mouth again and you mindlessly open for him to insert them. see, well trained and cute. you’re so pliant, he loves it. he truly outdid himself raising you.

you’re asleep straight after that, clinging to his side in bed as he scrolls his phone. man, having a baby sister is the best, he’s almost sorry for everyone else who pays for therapy and medicine, when the best cure to every problem is free! it’s just having a younger sister to use!!! he kisses your head and smirks “sleep tight, katzi” and closes his eyes too. what a good day he’s had.

[alelathedragon]

Mr.Puzzles Ramble part 4009488383839393848

I added links to my other rambles if yo interested but all in all.....

Chat

GET EM

[1]

[2]

[3]

I wanna talk about 2 episodes in particular for this ramble:

Mario loses his moustache & Mr.Puzzles lowest point

It is my humble opinion that this dude still does NOT know what the fuck a MEME is- cus look at his actions in each episode. In the first one he studies Mario intensely because this is the one who has been ruining his plans the most with his bullshit and FUNNY.

Mr.Puzzles is after the power of being funny but still finds memes disgusting/horrible, when he makes Pedro his intensions are to film the creature hoping to steal SMG4's fame in a SMG3 LIKE manor, instead of stealing the videos hes just stealing assets of an actor. Yes; he does say MEME OFF but im convinced this man has no fucking clue what he's talking about and thats made more apparent in the next episode where he's going through content creator depression.

When the children turn on their Brainrot Skibbity Toilet he rightfully finds it to be the most insulting thing to ever grace his face and wants it gone, but then he realizes; hey wait a minute ... If I do this, I can traffic people to follow me, make money, make the content I love and BAM!! I'll be popular!!!

However.... He gets in his own way, when the "fame" of a billion children liking his youtube channel hits, it gets to his head immediately and he gets distracted from what he really wanted to do! He doesn't wanna make this shit, he wants to make his art!!! He doesn't understand WTF he's made other than an abomination

Like this man is genuinely confused as to why people have not gone from his shitty youtube channel over to his REAL content on the TV bc he forgot the part where he's supposed to stop the youtube and make stuff he likes again. Too 1 track minded

Even to the SMG4 crew its not funny bc it is NOT a meme! Mr.Puzzles doesn't know how to do that.

He came into the convention wanting to talk about his interests, inspirations, how he wrote his screen plays... Alas the crowd was children who didn't give a flying fuck about his craft and this pissed him off. Like: WHAT DO U MEAN U DIDNT LOOK AT MY TV SHOWS AND ONLY WATCH THIS STUFF IM NOT PROUD OF!?!?

& funnily enough

That leads into another point where this guy gives up so fast on things. Like in the cannon he SAYS he's given up on TV but that's a lie, he's going to keep doing entertainment.

What I mean by him giving up easily is:

He is a pathetic little meow meow folks. Hes one of those villains that THRIVES off a evil plan but when he's caught. He puts up his hands and runs, or throws things at his enemies.

Like in WOTF, in the song all boyo does: is throw shit because he DOES NOT know how to defend himself bro lololol. He has the power of his imagination but this isnt his head or his rules so he cant just- imagine a kung fu master as himself and fight back: his natural defences are to

Run/ Hide/ Throw things/ Bat things away/ Retract/ Panic

So when a plan fails. That plan is practically gone until he can think of a new way to use it

Like i doubt we're going to see Mario losing his moustache for a long time, i think we're going to see it again!!! But not soon. Mr.Puzzles needs time to cook that thought in the back of his mind of if it's even worth trying again or not.

He coulda given up on that thought all together but we wont know til we see!!

And he gave up on the youtube too! Because he was disappointed in himself and bro really just; could not bear to use that money anymore. He looked at that cash and could only relate it to his cringe youtube channel that he didnt want to associate with anymore. The original plan to use the money to make the content he wants: ⚰️

"I can't just use the money to make the content i want now! Im ruined! They just see me as a kids play toy now and this cash is NOTHING!!"

He forgot the plan, thus it got ruined by his own hand, and sense it was no longer completable in the way he originally intended it to go- it was impossible to complete.

He's so silly. I love him so much

[tobiasdrake]

Here we go, it's Ranma time. Episode 5! The introduction to Ryoga continues.

God, I love how mournfully quiet this is.

This is what happens when women write women. Male writers don't often think about things like just how much a long-haired girl's hair means to her. Akane's been growing that out for years.

Look at how little she was when she started growing her hair. That is the product of years. Many years. Gone in an instant.

But she rolls with the punches. Akane has remarkable emotional fortitude. She'd kind of have to in order to survive all the shit she's had to put up with in her day-to-day life.

I love that they leave so much unstated, yet clearly implied, about the way her long hair relates to her longstanding crush on Dr. Tofu. When she says she wants to grow it out so she can be like Kasumi, there's an implication there that she thinks Dr. Tofu will like her more if she has Kasumi's hairstyle.

She's trying to walk in her big sister's shoes so that the man who likes her big sister might look her way. An idea that was doomed from the moment of its conception. She was never going to beat Kasumi at being Kasumi, and if she has to try, then she's already failed.

The manga's a bit more explicit about this, as Kasumi directly tells Baby Akane that Dr. Tofu won't like her very much if she keeps acting like a boy. From that, she draws the conclusion that having hair like Kasumi will make him like her more. But the reboot anime keeps it implied and understated.

So there's a lot going on here when Akane breaks down and cries into Dr. Tofu's chest. This is the end of an era. The loss of her hair symbolizes the death of a child's dream. The end of her efforts to be more like Kasumi so that this man would like her better, and the beginning of a new era where someone else out there will like her for being Akane.

While also demonstrating how much she leans on and depends on Dr. Tofu as a stabilizing figure in her life. She feels safe enough with him to finally let down her walls and cry out the grief over her lost hair, in a way she doesn't have at school or at home. Ironically mourning the death of her pursuit of him to him.

My dude, you desperately need to get a hobby. Supervillains are more considerate. Giving some real Vegeta energy here, but specifically the TeamFourStar kind.

And also the Tendo home desperately needs to get some door locks because he just strolled right on in here to do this.

And they both get punished for this.

Story of Ranma's life.

Takahashi's comedy remains incredible. Kasumi objects to Akane going out there not because she doesn't think Akane can take the mystery robber but because she wants Akane to hit him with something heavier.

I want that too. So Kasumi and I are on the same page.

She does, too. Nails Ryoga right in the back of the neck with a long-range shotput throw of that fucking barbell. Akane wins Ranma v. Ryoga, Round 2.

The moral of the story is to... not... do... anything that Ryoga did here.

...or, really, anything that Ryoga ever does. Don't be like Ryoga. That's sound life advice. (Not that the rest of the cast is any better.)

Immediately followed by Kasumi with another punchline. Man, I did not remember how funny she is.

Akane's rematch with Ryoga goes super well too. She is on fire.

Sincerely want to know what could possibly have possessed him to think jumping Akane while in piglet form was a good idea.

So begins the saga of P-chan.

AND ALL FOR BREAD AND BREAD-RELATED PRODUCTS

My dude.

The curry bun was not worth it.

Like.

Like. The part where Ranma knocked Ryoga into the piggy spring without noticing and then Genma tried to fucking eat him? Yeah. I can see being homicidally mad about that.

But he didn't even know that was them until literally this scene. Everything up to this point has been Ryoga blaming Ranma because he, Ryoga, stalked Ranma to China to avenge his curry bun.

Speaking of Genma.

I love how he just walks in on his son in girly form having Naked Bath Time with some random boy, and his response is to just... apologize and peace out. Whatever this is, it's none of his business.

Actually, not just any random boy. Specifically the random boy that got Ranma in trouble earlier tonight when he snuck into their bedroom for a late-night call.

Genma definitely thinks these two are up to shenanigans.

Literally the only member of her family that actually objects to Ranma sneaking into Akane's room late at night to do shenanigans to her (read: trying to fucking extract Ryoga from an unsuspecting Akane's bed) is Kasumi. Who merely scolds Ranma for moving too fast.

Is it any wonder she doesn't feel safe being emotionally vulnerable at home?

(Seriously, though, there is so much drama that could be avoided if Ranma would just tell Akane that P-chan is Ryoga. She has a right to know that, and not telling her makes Ranma complicit in Ryoga's shittiness.)

[vaperarmand]

you uhhh... wanna rec some more zamasian fics? absolutely floored by the one that just updated, this is something i didn't know i needed and now that i have it, i desperately need more

absolutely i do >:)

my body is to taste like you testing your fate by sweettartheart

It's all scenes. We have no form without the viewer. We have no cause but to fill this place with wonder. (Or: Eric demands a new scriptwriter.)

i've recced this one a lot AND I'LL DO IT AGAIN❗️it's everything to me and it's complete at last. it's so hot and funny and unique and beyond being an insane rpf text it's also, like, just really clever. people who can write like this i bow at their feet. the creativity is insane.

oh, my clumsy voice by englishsummerrain

“Well,” Eric says. He taps a finger against the corner of Assad’s mouth, smiling. “What would Armand do?”

real ones will remember the night that my life was changed forever when i was like haha what if i went into the ship tag for these guys on ao3. and i read this. and it literally rewired my brain chemistry. literally haven't moved on from it as you all know. zamasian rpf history starts and ends with this work.

wishful thinking by englishsummerrain

It’s not even like it would be incriminating if Assad was caught — he’s an amateur director, he’s just doing his job.

i mean read everything kels has ever written like ever but i also am a huge fan of this one. hey girls did you know that uhmmmm i love a narrative within a narrative. assad writes dm threesome smut and it's so good

1991 by duri

Assad finds himself in NYC, 1991 and there's only one thing on his mind.

first and foremost i am a fan of assad wanting to fuck that old man. second and foremost i am a fan of assad being kind of freaky obsessed with that man which is really what's allowed to shine here. also i get the desire to time travel to intentionally forge a creative partnership between these guys who should have been the. idk who to name drop here. of the experimental theater world. plus it's now a series with dramaaaaaaa

cutting teeth by cannibalenthusiast

Assad hates the feeling of prop fangs in his mouth. Eric helps, until he doesn't.

sorry for reccing one of my own fics but i was wearing fake fangs at a party last night and i was thinking about this the whole time. now i know how assad felt

next i would recommend just plowing through all 59 works and feeling crazy but free. and then writing more so we can someday reach the triple digits 💪

[coreytaylr]

100% legit totally real facts about the historical stede bonnet

no the title is not a lie these are really REAL bc believe it or not, somehow the show made our stede MORE competent than the real one

sources: Real Pirates podcast (ep1, ep2, ep3, ep4, ep5), Dirty Sexy History podcast (with jeremy moss, bonnet's biographer, who LOVES the show, and said it changed his perspective on bonnet's and blackbeard's relationship PLUS he has the stedesrevenge handle on twt)

the library on the revenge was a real thing. the man really did that.

running away from his family to be a pirate

paying a salary to his crew

SHOWING UP IN NASSAU IN FRILLY GENTLEMANLY CLOTHES AND A POWDERED WIG

before bonnet's capture, he ran his ship aground and that's how the english caught up with him BUT the two english ships also ran aground (😭), so they fought each other with their flintlock pistols from behind their ships (until the tides turned and dislodged the english ships first. rip)

adopted an alias when he started pirating so people wouldn't know it was him but he raided ships near Barbados (where he's from), so that didnt turn out well. his solution? burning every ship from Barbados

he only succeeded in his early days bc merchant ships knew they would get off easier if they surrendered

ATTACKED A WARSHIP that whooped his ass so bad he almost died. the remaining crew steered the ship to Nassau where he met blackbeard

blackbeard stole the revenge from him but "allowed" him to stay on BB's ship (either as a guest or as a prisoner, it's not clear, but he def wasn't a crew member bc he didn't have any chores)

he was seen on deck running around in his gowns 😭😭

BB eventually reinstated him as the captain of the revenge and they sailed together for a while

"there is a 4 month period where stede and blackbeard kind of disappeared and no one really knows what they were doing" 👀

BB allowed bonnet to raid on his own which lead to him getting his ass beat by the Protestant Caesar. BB then proceeded to HUNT DOWN THE PROTESTANT CAESAR while flying the RED FLAG (which meant no mercy to anyone on board)

bonnet would raid ships and take what provisions he needed and give the other ship what he didn't need (essentially the library raiding scene lmaoo)

BB betrayed bonnet by raiding his ship and marooning his crew while bonnet was off getting a pardon

SO BONNET SWORE REVENGE AGAINST BB who was at the time, the most feared pirate

this led to him adopting another alias - "he also changes his name, at the time he goes by captain edward's. which is really interesting, I don't know if that's an homage to, you know, edward teach, but.. captain edward's with an "s", that's as if he's.. a possession of captain edward" ONCE AGAIN 👀👀👀👀

HE ESCAPED PRISON BY DRESSING AS A WOMAN

after escaping, he was promised a sloop by some rando. when the rando didnt deliver, bonnet "WROTE HIM A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER REPRIMANDING THE MAN"

that letter led to him being recaptured 😭😭

he was hanged while holding a bouquet of wilted flowers

[turtletoria]

man having the worst day of his life about to have the second worst day of his life

[buqbite]

part 1 (on VA and being better than humans)

part 2 (on welt and being just a human)

[biblically-accurate-dca]

moon n ballora

[sage-nebula]

Mabel despises Bill, send post.

Okay, I'll say more than that.

One thing that I haven't seen people talk about (and that I've in fact seen some fan content ignore) is the fact that The Book of Bill makes it explicitly clear that Mabel Pines despises Bill Cipher as of the end of the series. I think there's a tendency to view Mabel as a bastion of love and forgiveness, and while it's true that Mabel does have a lot of love and kindness in her heart, a.) she's not actually an all-forgiving heroine (see: she never comes close to forgiving Gideon for attacking Dipper in "The Hand that Rocks the Mabel"), and b.) we're given explicit text on multiple pages in The Book of Bill that outline just how much she hates Bill and will actually do violence unto him (again) if she ever gets the chance. (Because remember, she got him in the eye with spray paint with extreme prejudice.)

We're first told about this when Bill recounts the story of how he visited Mabel's dreams days before Weirdmageddon in the hopes of making a deal. (Which, side note -- how was that possible? The unicorn hair spell was supposed to prevent that sort of thing from happening. I guess she must have been at a sleepover at Candy's or Grenda's house when this little dream jump occurred.) Bill at first gushes about how much he likes Mabel and would like to sway her to his side, but then:

"Unfortunately, her mind had Wanted posters of me everywhere -- just because I possessed her brother one time!"

Mabel wasn't a fan of Bill's even before "Sock Opera," but as of "Sock Opera" it seems that there's no chance of forgiveness from her for him. And this tracks; in "The Hand that Rocks the Mabel," Gideon treated her horribly. He pressured her into the initial date with him, and then continued to use public pressure and guilt trips in order to keep her locked into successive dates and a suffocating relationship that she couldn't escape from. He was emotionally manipulative, possessive, selfish, and cruel. Despite this, Mabel still felt bad for asking Dipper to break up with him on her behalf and initially went to the factory to apologize to Gideon, until she saw him attacking Dipper through the window. It was only at that point, when he attacked her brother, that Mabel's opinion on Gideon did a 180 and he was no longer worthy of any sympathy or forgiveness in her eyes. Regardless of how he treated her, it was hurting Dipper that Mabel could not forgive.

So it makes sense, then, that possessing Dipper would be the breaking point for Mabel with Bill, particularly considering the note that Bill left for her (and specifically for her, part of it was addressed to her) to find in the car on the way back from the play at the end, as revealed in Journal 3:

"Note to self: Possessing people is hilarious! To think of all the sensations I've been missing out on -- burning, stabbing, drowning. It's like a buffet tray of fun! Once I destroy that journal, I'll enjoy giving this body its grand finale -- by throwing it off the water tower! Best of all, people will just think Pine Tree lost his mind, and his mental form will wander in the mindscape forever. Want to join him, Shooting Star?"

(Yeah, I sure believe Bill that Mabel's a kid he likes. 😬 Maybe "likes" is more appropriate . . . even his lies are lies . . .)

So Bill possessed Dipper on purpose, threw his body down stairs, stabbed forks into his arms, poured soda into his eyes, slammed his hands in drawers, and then had planned to throw his body off a water tower, killing him in what would look like a suicide attempt. I don't think it's any wonder that after this, Bill crossed the point of no return in Mabel's mind. Bill recognizes as such by the time he's finished in her mind as well:

"That was it. She'd never make a deal with me."

It was why he had to possess Blendin in the first place and make up the lie about a way to extend the summer; because thanks to Craz and Xyler, he knew that Mabel was sad about summer ending, and that she could be tricked by someone she thought had a way of extending summer, like a time agent. Bill had to possess a known time agent, because Mabel wouldn't have believed anyone else could do it, and it had to be Blendin because Blendin wore goggles that obscured his eyes (and thanks to fighting against Bipper, Mabel knew how to look for possession eyes, and would never make a deal with Bill). Bill using Blendin to trick Mabel was calculated, and extremely so, because Mabel hates his guts because of what he did (and wanted to do) to her brother.

But it doesn't end there, because then we get to Mabel's letter. (And Dipper's as well, but mostly Mabel's.) Some might be thinking, well, if Mabel knew about Bill's backstory, she might regain some sympathy for him. However, I don't think that's the case . . . because Mabel does learn about Bill's backstory (or at least his history with Ford), and she doesn't feel sympathy for him. Ford's letter not only states that the entire family was reading the book when he exited his lab (and laughing so hard they were crying at it), but Mabel's letter in specific has her write this:

"Anyway, Bill seems to me like a super-needy ex."

We have all laughed and enjoyed this line because of how it further cements Billford as canon toxic old man yaoi, but think about what this means for a moment. This means that:

Mabel has read Bill's backstory, at least re: everything that went down between him and Ford and how heartbroken Bill was over it (she knows about O'Sadleys and the intergalactic Taco Bell incident)

She doesn't feel sympathy, in fact, she's calling him super-needy, which is insulting

Mabel isn't sympathetic toward Bill; she's patronizing. She's one step away from calling him cringe. Her "helpful tips" for how to move on are her condescending to him as she tells him to get the hell away from Ford -- and speaking of which, let's not forget that she says "if you're reading this from space or hell or wherever," indicating exactly where she thinks he very well could be. If she felt sympathetic toward him at all, knowing what she does about his past, I really doubt she'd think he'd be burning in hell.

Mabel ends her letter with this delightful gem.

"Anyway, Bill -- you tried to kill my brother. If I ever see you again, I'm doing this! [illustration of her biting him in half] Deal with it!"

There is no love for Bill Cipher in her heart. There is only a wish to sever him in half, preferably so that his precious eyeball is split in two, with her teeth.

Now, this is in her letter. But we also get some of this in Dipper's letter, too, since she interjects over there. Dipper also delivers a death threat to Bill, and Mabel comments on it. Her commentary praises Dipper's threats (and confident in making his threat):

Dipper: "Come at us again and I'll end you." Mabel: "Wow, Dipper!! So confident!!" Dipper: "Was it . . . was it too confident?" Mabel: "No, it was just right! 13 looks good on you!"

Now, again, this is mostly praising his confidence. But the "it was just right" could also apply to the threat, considering she made a very similar one herself. Many people focus on Dipper's threat to Bill, considering how cutthroat Dipper seemed toward Bill in the show (and how it was their relationship that was focused on because Dipper was the primary protagonist).

But this book has made it explicitly clear that Mabel hates Bill's flat yellow ass with her entire sparkly heart. She wants him away from her grunkle because she knows how badly he treated Ford. And she especially wants to rip him to pieces herself if she ever sees him within a 100 mile radius of her brother again. The idea that Mabel would be forgiving of, or sympathetic to, Bill because of his backstory just doesn't jive with what we know both of her character or her actual, canonical feelings toward him as of the most recent canonical material. Mabel is a loving, kind person, yes -- but she has her limits, and those limits come with those that cause serious harm to her family, just like the rest of the Pines. She's not a two-dimensional, all-forgiving heroine. She's a well-rounded character who forgives when things are forgivable, when it's warranted, when it's deserved. And it's been demonstrated that in Mabel's eyes, certain things -- like trying to cut out her brother's tongue with lamb shears, or possessing him and threatening to throw his body off a water tower -- simply aren't forgivable.

[triglycercule]

sleep deprived dust can't recognize what's dream and what's real when he goes in and out of consciousness so i think dust is allowed to be incredibly reckless when he's awake but thinks he's in a dream. he will kill whoever passes by him (or attempt to. for him it's an instict to shoot bones anyways.) he will drink 4 bottles of alcohol just because he thinks its just a lucid dream. have incredibly loud conversations with phantom paps because he's asleep so nobody will hear him talk. or just have loud ass breakdowns because again he thinks he's asleep!!! nobody's gonna know what he gets up to in his dreams. and until someone (probably phantom paps) tells him that he's not asleep and this is reality he won't realize until he's done something really reckless

horror is seconds away from exploding dust's skull open with his magic while dust is trying to strangle him and FINALLY phantom paps tells him he's awake and dust snaps out of it. killer is walking around the house with bones sticking out of him like pins on a sewing pattern (casually too. another day in the life for him) and he just asks dust what that was about. dust just gets off of horror and shrugs his shoulders with an idk. and then walks away. this is the 6th time its happened this month

[dykedvonte]

I dislike takes that Danse would be just as conservative in modernized aus when it's clearly shown his staunch views of things come from his time in the Brotherhood and his deep-rooted desire to belong to something with a greater purpose.

Not to mention lines that show much more open-mindedness that get overlooked for his harsher sentiments when you first meet him. Like the oppurtunity to be a part of something is why Danse fell so far into Brotherhood dogma and it doesn't negate the offense things he does but I feel like it's just lazy to be like "hmmm he'd def be racist" just so it aligns to his BoS beliefs.

[pleasedontcareaboutme]

It's missing my father hours rn so imma just dump a bunch of pictures here and cry

( sorry i don't know the source of anything I just had them on my phone)

(also dont read the tags i just need to let it out lol)

[hoshizoraorchestra]

idk man just thinking about how damsel3 literally just breaks the narrator. it is worse than the very thing that he will do Anything to prevent. that's how terrible it is to witness and to describe. man. man. i need to lie down.

[ratatatastic]

lmaoooo maffhew wanting the knot immediately and having to wait for sasha to catch up with that is so deeply funny like. this omega is not subtle and you’re not a stupid alpha babe! can only imagine what benny has to say to maffhew about it once he catches on and stops banging his head against a wall

idiots to lovers is always great but especially when its two people who would be hitched with 10 kids by now if they stopped being dumb for a single second like its that easy and yet...

to me they very much fall around the same time (infatuation at first scent if you will) just that sasha takes some time to get there not because he's dumb (okay he's a little dumb) but in the sense that its like "this person is very interested in me, i can see and recognise that but theres so much cognitive dissonance in my brain right now between knowing that intrinsically and finding that hard to believe so i unintentionally play dumb because obviously i'm reading too much into things it cant be me they're interested in haha that'd crazy but they're being awfully touchy and flirty with me wow"

but also it takes two to tango and we have to acknowledge that and this is when i would love to bring up the ways in which this man decides is the best way to go about that because he is a catholic school girlie... there's so much hilarity to be had here especially because his flirting is very uh how you say... a little ass backwards if you will especially considering dynamics

"I make it a point to keep the door closed when we're alone in a room together! That's basically a clear invitation that I'm down to fuck!!! Im basically asking to be ragdolled on his knot!!!"

and Benny just pinches the bridge of his nose like "I don't know how to explain to you in a way you'll understand that not everyone went to Catholic school."

But saying that Sasha does side-eye the door knob heavily when Maffhew goes over to close it the first time and he starts sweating like he just got dragged into a game of 7 Minutes in Heaven he did not sign up for and he's 13 again and oh god he got paired with a really cute girl, and he hasn't even had his first real kiss yet and-

And then absolutely nothing happens because Maffhew is just waiting with a polite expectant smile (because his work here is done, he did the heavy lifting know it's Sasha's turn) and this is when Sasha's dynamic classes training kicks in and he basically scolds himself for even assuming in the first place because this is clearly a show of trust (correct) not an invitation for extra circular activities (incorrect buzzer noise) and it basically becomes "This Omega really trusts me, I'm honoured especially as Pack Leader that I'm able to be so accepted into such a private space with the inherent knowledge that I will not encroach their boundaries whatsoever because consent is verbal, this is not in any way an invitation to take advantage of them this is deep platonic trust I will guard with my life :]"

and if you listen closely you can hear the lovely sounds of Maffhew bashing his head into a wall about how much of a gentleman Sasha is but also COME ONNNNNN... you know... once Maffhew realises what's happening which (looks at my watch) is not due for another few months really

Battle of wills: unstoppable force (maffhews catholic school understanding of dynamic interactions) vs immovable object (overseas alpha cotillion classes)

And if you think it's an Oh! An overseas dynamic thing! It's not. The Euros are watching the horrible car crash in front of them and doing absolutely nothing about it because it's none of their business, but they will stare at it... maybe judge it a bit but definitely are observing from the tall grass.

and I'm also not saying that luosty lundy forsy and bobby have a current running bet of how long it'll take for maffhew to break sasha in but i'm also not not saying that... luosty goaded lundy in the midst of a gossip session ("It has to be 3 months, right?) forsy happened to be around so lundy turned to him for advice ("7 months.") and maybeeee bobby overheard from all the way over from his stall and puts in his two cents for what it's worth ("6. Captain nice but not that nice. Very impatient." "So 3!" "No. Impatience makes him double the time, and wait longer. 6 months.") (lundy finally settles on a good 5 months because he's indecisive)

And Sasha does eventually pick up everything maffhew is throwing down... eventually... and when he does it becomes more so I want to court this omega the way they deserve I will take this slow and romance them sweetly :) *smash cut to maffhew caterwauling like a cat in heat*

but also once again its not like maffhew is helping sasha in any way this is idiot4idiot and benny would like to enjoy the car crash with the euros but unfortunately that's his soulmate, thats his bestie, his littermate from birth who has been weaned on the same teat as they climbed over each other to get to it, the first girl you kissed in your childhood bedroom because somehow you started play fighting on the bed because she was like i could totally pin you down easy and then she does and you always noticed how beautiful she was but shes even more gorgeous when she's pinning your wrists to your hannnah montana duvet you promised yourself youd changed out before she came over but you forget and well she teased you about it and you cant help but giggle about how perfect this all is and it seems that the natural conclusion to this is to taste the strawberry lipgloss of her lips because whats a kiss between besties huh its tacky and sticky and it tastes like summer and just other apt metaphors to put here about the inherent -isms of their relationship that i nearly cant put to words properly other than girls having fun (they are fucking)

and well anyways benny is watching and he has a lot of things to say about how its been proceeding so far

"You should really use your words."

"I am!"

"Right because smelling like a fucking perfume shop in the middle of October is using your words."

"This usually works with most Alphas okay!"

"Sasha isn't most Alphas."

"Tell me about it." Matthew grouses before he peeks over to Sam, looking up from beneath his eyelashes—the exact way he knows both endears him to Sam but also absolutely miffs him all the same, "Worked on you, didn't it?"

"Oh, is that what we're doing right now? We're calling getting a lapful of a preening O in preheat in the middle of a roadie a normal way to go about these things."

"It worked didn't it?" Matthew reiterates.

"It would work better if you use—"

"Okay! Alright!! I get it!!!" He does not.

like benny here is unfortunately an active listening participant in the going ons of the fuckery if not because hes involved by proxy because of maffhew because who else will hold his hair back as he calls him a dumb bitch you know

[marclef]

okay so uhhh. definitely wasn't expecting this any time soon. or ever. but unless my tumblr has been lying to me for 3 days straight then i guess it happened.

uhhhhh. thanks for 700 followers bros 👁👁💧

like. i didn't even see my tumblr get to 400. unless i've been hallucinating that it's been at 300 for the last month. am i going insane? maybe. but uhhh. that's a lot of people looking at me. kinda freaking me out a little. but thanks regardless i guys, it does mean a lot to me ✨❤❤❤✨

anyways. i die. nervous. some various rambling under the cut and in the tags but here's an artistic rendition of how i feel right now. enjoy.

so yeah. i don't know how the hell my follower count has doubled in like, two months. maybe it's the Fake Peppino Hugs? a lot of people have been wanting hugs after all. it uhhhh kinda makes me feel weird knowing there's this many of you. but i'll try to manage.

speaking of hugs, yes i've seen the new asks and requests in my inbox i promise!! i will get to them when i can, but for now i'm gonna try to focus on getting a couple other big important things done. mainly, a large Fake Peppino headcanon-related post i've been planning, and getting a few more characters up on Artfight before July.

and also.... i might be getting commissions up soon too?? i don't know how soon, but it'd be a way for me to get income right now since i don't have a job. or, if you don't wanna commission me but still wanna show support, i have a link to me Ko-Fi on my intro post as well! really any support is welcome, but i'm trying to figure out how to do commissions and pricing and stuff since it'll be the first time i *officially* do them. i hope you'll think about it though!!

but yeah, i've got a good few things i've gotta get done with, i'm trying to take things a liiiiittle slow right now though so i don't burn myself out fully. i will try to get stuff done soon though! expect that big Fakey post in maybe a week or so, and i'll update you all on other things that happen as well!

thanks for reading if you have, love ya's ❤❤💗💗💗❤❤