#how isolated i feel
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i haven’t been posting much i’m sorry to my sweet baseball friends i have been uhhhh pretty depressed and haven’t been watching much baseball or doing really anything :( summer is so harddd but i am following along through your posts and (unfortunately) the mlb app🫶🏻
#summer sucks every single year usually baseball really helps but i am so lonely#bc all of my friends are moving away so i haven’t been able to go to games#and being alone all the time (i live alone and my friends and family have moved away) and it’s very taxing lol#baseball to me is based so much i’m my community and friendships and family so it’s just been highlighting#how isolated i feel#but i love my baseball mewchies#anywayyyyyyyyy goms
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Drew this real quick because I fucking love these two so much ???? Especially Bee. I wish they interacted more so badly. PLEASE.
Also learning how to draw these guys.. slowly.
#IT WILL NEVER NOT BE FUNNY TO ME HOW DELIGHTED B GOT ??? FOR VIOLENCE?#the brainrotsreal's art tag ✧˖°:*♡#like okay you have d17/megatron okay#d17 got consumed by vengeance. iconic of him. you SEE him grow more ruthless/ violent........AND THEN YOU HAVE B 127#he got knife hands for 0.00937 seconds and immediately KILLED PEOPLE SO EASILY IM SCREAMING SDJKJSDS#did by accident and then did it gleefully. AND SO WELL TOO LIKE ???? bro got that hunger for violence ig. got that delight.#i wish we got to see d17 and b127 interact more cause imagine b got his knife hands early and d17 was like.... alright start stabbing#and b127 is LONELY. mf is deprived of interaction and CLEARLY clingy. i see him telling d17 to stand down so he isn't hurt.#not necessarily because he has the SAME morals as orion/optimus#like look me in my eye. tell me if d17 didn't say something like “needing an ally not a leader” (friendship bait)#AND UR TELLING ME BEE WOULDN'T FOLD AND HELP HIM? HM? HMMMMMMMM?#like i feel like b's morals are mostly match whoever he's around. if he was around d-17 more? WELP? let's assassinate together bestie!#anyways optimus and elita gotta watch b fr cause mf is already an incredible ally on the battle field SDKJKDSS#like just tell him where to go and that place would DESTROYED. NO WITNESSEES LEFT. LIKE HELLO#transformers one my beloved#d 16#megatron#tf one#tf one megatron#tf one b 127#b 127#transformers one fanart#never know how many actual tags to use istg.#imagine being isolated for years and all that shit went down like what is going on in b's brain rn. mf got 3 friends and then lost one#SO QUICKLY
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theyre holding hands……(and being shy about it)
hootsie and gricko doodles (mostly hootsie)
both requested by @nicohasperished !
#i ignored the ‘gators cant blush’ thing for the previous request#but i didnt ignore it this time (for the people who like it that way <3)#ngl really proud of how the gideons and kremys hands turned out#honestly i want to make a little ‘how i draw the krew’ thing with things like hands#something about gideons hands being square-ish and kremys being sharp and triangular is so satisfying to me#coalecroux#kremy lecroux#gideon coal#kremy x gideon#i looovee hootsie sm#glad i finally got around to drawing her!!#gricko being a dad >>>#not to get deep or anything#but i think gricko tries to be as present for and as invested in hootsie as humanly (goblinly?) possible because of his dad#who was completely absent to the point where he didn’t even know his name or face or even existence#and since his mom had to work a lot to make ends meet and put food on the table#he knows what it feels like to be a little kid and feel isolated or neglected#of course he had his mom and uncle glorbo but i doubt they were there for him during the majority of his childhood#he doesnt want hootsie to grow up like that#them <3#gricko grimgrin#hootsie grimgrin#once upon a witchlight#legends of avantris#my art#ouaw fanart#ouaw
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Shen Yuan getting transported into pidw isn't "the system punishing him for being a lazy internet hater," but instead representative of "step 1 of the creative process: getting so mad at something you decide to go write your own fucking book" in this essay I will
#svsss#scum villian self saving system#shen qingqiu#shen yuan#the fact that people think scum villain#-a series that examines and criticizes common tropes in fiction-#is somehow against criticism or being a little hater is wild to me#especially since shen qingqiu never gets punished for being a hater#heck- he's still a little hater by the end of the series#he mostly gets punished for treating life like a play and like he and the people around him are characters#(or in other words- he suffers for denying his own wants and emotions and his own sense of empathy)#I think some of y'all underestimate how much writing/art is inspired by creaters being little haters#like example off the top of my head-#the author of Iron Widow has been pretty vocal about the book being inspired by their hatred of Darling in the Franxx#I think my interpretation of Shen Yuan's transmigration is also supported by the fact that this series is an examines writing processes#side note- though i understand why people say Shen Yuan is lazy and think its a valid take it still doesnt sit right with me#i am probably biased because my own experiences with chronic pain and depression and isolation#but ya- i dont think Shen Yuan is lazy so much as he is deeply lonely and feels purposeless after denying parts of himself for 20ish years#like yall remember the online fandom boom from covid right?#being stuck completely alone in bed while feeling like shit for 20 days straight does shit to your brain#the fact that no one came to check on him + he wasn't exactly upset about leaving anyone behind supports the isolation interpretation too#+in the skinner demon arc he describes his life of being a faker/inability to stop being a faker now that he's Shen Qingqiu#as “so bland he's tempted to throw salt on himself” and “all he could do is lay around and wait for death” (<-paraphrasing)#bro wants to be doing stuff but is stuck in paralysis from repeatedly following scrips made by other people#another point on “Shen Yuan isn’t lazy” is just the sheer amount of studying that man does#also he did graduate college- how lazy can he really be#he doesnt know what hes doing but he at least tries to actively train his students#and he actually works on improving his own cultivation + spends quite a bit of time preping the mushroom body thing#+he's experiencing bouts of debilitating chronic pain throughout all this#but ya tldr: Shen Yuan's transmigration is an encouragement to write and not a punishment and also i dont think its fair to call him lazy
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While you were fighting in the war, I was falling in a pit.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#nie mingjue#jiang cheng#lan wangji#jin guangshan#blood#Not tagging wen xu because I...I don't think he ever comes back in the story after this.#Minorest of characters despite his significance in the wen sect.#You guys ever think about how the three months WWX was missing was probably the closest LWJ and JC ever were?#The missed friendship between them is so deliciously painful! They really do have a lot in common!#Maybe it is because they are similar that they can't make it work past the war.#Maybe it is the similarities that make JC feel even worse about WWX drifting away from him and towards LWJ.#This is all to say I think the dynamic between LJW and JC is very interesting and not something I see talked about.#In the *end* it becomes something along the lines of 'LWJ ignores JC' but god. Missing the same person so painfully.#The grieving takes very different form but they both still grieve the same person - essentially in isolation from everyone else.#Other notes I *need* to add: The end of ep 13 took me out with the falling scream. Why did they do it like that?#Genuinely the funniest thing I have heard.#I like to imagine he fell plinko style. Bumping around on random branches and ghosts for 3 months.
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you're remembering this wrong. (by @hehearse)
#wolf 359#w359#hera wolf 359#hera w359#doug eiffel#renee minkowski#alexander hilbert#they're there also.#tumblr user hehearse you are so good to me.#the warmth of the first image and how out of place hera is in it. the almost nostalgic quality to the lighting#the contrast between how close and crowded it is vs. the oppressive isolation of the second#the way the screens are circling her and casting that cold blue light. oughhh.#if i think about the opening of memoria too long i go insane#and this captures the feeling i wanted perfectly. thank you so much.#art
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hot take ??
the only reason people say that "mafuyu and tsukasa have nothing in common" when presented with mafukasa parallels is because they equate mafuyu and tsukasa being similar to "tsukasa has depression" because the fandom equates mafuyu's personality to being depressed and nothing else.
it doesn't help that people (primarily younger people in the fandom) who DO believe in mafukasa parallels end up making the mistake of portraying tsukasa as depressed because as of right now he is not (although it's possible he was in past because of his Very Unclear Middle School Backstory but that's irrelevant)
anyways, mafuyu and tsukasa are narrative foils because their core personalities are built off of the concept of wanting to make the people around them— especially their families— happy.
they both developed personalities at a young age based on someone they looked up to. for tsukasa, it was seiichi amami's performance that inspired him to be a star— a hero that could cheer anyone up. for mafuyu, it was her mother taking care of her that inspired her to be a nurse— and you can see the similarities from there.
for mafuyu, her identity would first come into conflict when her mother expressed her want for mafuyu to be a doctor— suddenly, "everyone's" happiness didn't match what she wanted to do, leaving her in a state of disorder and eventual depression.
for tsukasa, his identity was something he nearly forgot in its entirety at the start of the main story— becoming arrogant and fully absorbed in a hero persona, forgetting the kind person he truly is. furthermore, his current character arc seems to be foreshadowing that what "being a star" to him is going to be called into question— maybe it is something more than just being the main character that saves everyone.
their insecurities are incredibly similar.
in mafuyu's first mixed, mafuyu feels insecure towards ichika because unlike ichika, she feels as if her lyrics have no genuine meaning to be expressed to other people— despite them being her very real feelings. this is brought up again in her second mixed as well.
in tsukasa's third focus event, something similar happens. when watching seiichi's performance, he thinks that his acting is "real" and feels inferior towards him, which is ironic because tsukasa has been method acting this whole time. when tsukasa is acting out rio or bartlett or really anyone at this point in the story, it's not just those characters— it's a reflection of his traumas.
just like mafuyu, tsukasa undermines his passions he's poured his feelings into because someone else's work is more genuine in his eyes.
now, then, foils have many similarities and parallels (and i could honestly list a lot more), but how i define them is that they usually have some kind of major branching difference that MAKES them foils.
for mafuyu and tsukasa it's pretty straightforward.
mafuyu's people pleasing behavior comes from external expectations and pressures— her mother's demands.
tsukasa's people pleasing behavior comes internally, from himself— if he can't meet his own standards, if he can't be the perfect big brother or the perfect star, then he is nothing.
and even then, there's some overlap.
tsukasa's behavior was indirectly encouraged by his mother praising him for being a "good big brother" over the phone instead of asking him if he was okay while home alone.
mafuyu's terrified to be herself around other people because she doesn't want to worry or bother them— she doesn't want to be a burden— and projects her mother's expectations onto them, not realizing that they would prefer the real mafuyu if they knew the truth.
and the concept of mafukasa being foils is most perfectly and blatantly portrayed in these two cards.
mafuyu, the marionette, sitting limp on the floor— puppeteered by her mother's demands and donning a mask to hide her true self.
tsukasa, the jester, standing above everything else— puppeteering silenced plushies— his feelings. he's not being completely honest with himself, and he doesn't even realize it.
mafuyu has cut her strings and ripped her mask in half. she has acknowledged her true feelings and expressed them to her mother, even if she had to run away in the end.
tsukasa has not yet cut his.
#project sekai#colorful stage#prsk#tsukasa tenma#mafuyu asahina#mafukasa#theres also obvious ones im sure you all know. like how theyre the sole sekai creators#or their designs paralleling eachother (color schemes of their eyes and hair)#or how theyre both connected to the moon and bunnies#and how theyre connected by a piano with a moon design thats only shown up in mafuyus 2nd mixed and tsukasas 2nd mixed... where they had#their first mixed events together#or how they both easily overwork theirselves#or how theyre almost always projecting onto other people as if their experiences are the norm#ex: tsukasa with rui in wonder halloween and mafuyu with niigo in main story#I CAN GO ON ABOUT THIS FOR HOURS AS YOU CAN SEE .#EDIT: HERES SOME MORE THAT I DIDNT REMEMBER AT 12 AM LAST NIGHT#theyre both connected to apples! points at tsukasa in fixer 2dmv and points at mafuyu2#literally all of their vocaloids parallel eachother.#wxs and n25 miku have a childlike sense of curiosity#wxs and n25 rin are based off someone that isnt them for the most part (saki and ena)#wxs and n25 len are both anxious and pessimistic (in island panic... wxs len has a conflicting pov from meiko and wants wxs to just stay in#the sekai instead of being stuck out on an island... which is kinda escapist as hell)#wxs and n25 meiluka have conflicts that are very similar. n25 meiluka represents mafuyus inner conflict between isolating herself and#helping everyone because she didnt know what would be better#and wxs meiluka is the conflict between tsukasas ambition and his fatigue#which is why wxs meiko always acts like wxs luka is a burden whenever she falls asleep— tsukasa himself wont rest#not when he thinks it will burden other people#and wxs and n25 kaito are both driving forces in tsukasa and mafuyu accepting their true feelings#(although tsukasa is kinda not where mafuyu is yet i think you get what i mean)#EDIT: 5/22/24 I CANT ADD ANYMORE TAGS FUCK
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i often think about kevin adjusting to life outside the nest. we see how unfathomable a different lifestyle is for jean after 5 years, and kevin grew up there
how long did it take until he got used to seeing the sun every day
how often does he have nightmares. does he look at the other bed every time he wakes up
was he surprised that the foxes were allowed to eat, drink, wear whatever they want
did he learn from watching the foxes practice that their playing style isn't quite as violent and that there's no 'contrition'
did he expect to get violently punished when he started doubting evermore's teachings even in the privacy of his own mind
has he started learning how to be a person outside of his ability to play
#my posts#my aftg posts#aftg#all for the game#kevin day#the foxhole court#the sunshine court#aftg meta#i also think about how isolating his position in the nest must've been#and how foreign it must feel to finally have people in his corner#people who see him for who he is and still consider him family#ok i just made myself cry
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Alex Albon as The Hermit:
The Hermit suggests that you are in a phase of introspection where you are drawing your attention inwards and looking for answers within. You are in need of a period of inner reflection, away from the current demands of your position.
This is a call to embark on a journey of self-discovery, embracing our true spiritual self and inner wisdom.
Tag list: @st-leclerc @rubywingsracing @saviour-of-lord @three-days-time @the-wall-is-my-goal @albonoooo @ch3rubd0lls
#Williams please….#please do well for my boy#I CANNOT BELIEVE THE AIRBOX THING#I know this card is lowkey a hashtag bummer#but hear me out#Alex has talked about the isolation he feels sometimes with the thai/british thing and how he’s not one or the other until he does well#also#I just feel like he is one of the more introspective drivers?#like bro is a yapper but I feel like he is very steady and knows where he stands#also think this makes sense with his history in f1#specifically post rbr pre Williams#THIS WAS SO FUN#the lantern 🤭#I was nervous to draw this but I think it’s my fav so far#f1#formula 1#f1blr#f1 fanart#formula one#f1 art#annie’s art#formula one fanart#formula 1 fanart#formulanni#alex albon#alex albon 23#aa23#williams formula 1#williams racing#f1 tarot
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NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP YOU
NO ONE ELSE CAN HELP YOU
(objectober 2024 day 20: dream)
#dandy's doodles#inanimate insanity#ii#ii mephone#i don't feel like tagging the others... individually they're not that important anyway#objectober#objectober 2024#featuring lyrics from dream by roar :) one of my favorite songs of theirs#roar has an incredible capacity for expressing helplessness and isolation in their songs. it's so heart-wrenching. horribly real#i don't know the 'real' meaning but i've always seen dream as being about wanting to make your parents happy#and feeling like you're always failing#and now that they're gone you feel totally lost cuz you've based your whole life around making them happy#and you feel so alone and scared without them#and you don't know whether to continue following what they would've wanted#or to pursue dreams you feel you can never achieve without their support#i may or may not be projecting... but in any case it's very VERY fitting for mephone#and the prompt immediately made me think of the song and him... so...#very fond of how this turned out :)
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you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.
you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.
instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.
you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.
your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.
because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.
so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.
all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.
#spilled ink#woke up at 530 to write this lmafo#me in a cold sweat:#how do i be normal#edit in the tags:#hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate#like if this is about X specific diagnosis#and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition''#because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc#and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition#but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis#because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons#why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are.#that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person#.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that#it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself#palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with....#this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate#would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them#bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume#that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now#we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal''#[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into]#but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be''#and im like ... of course it was about you.#art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation .#you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you.#there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this#regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it#and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.
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Nana x "Where is My Place in the World? Early Shōjo Manga Portrayals of Lesbianism" by Fujimoto Yukari (tr. Lucy Fraser)
#augh#nana#upl#queue#when I first read this article I thought of them tbh like...they both come up against the ideas here in their own ways#hachi trying to moor herself & achieve maturity by pursuing relationships with men#nana wrestling with how she feels she can't succeed if she's tied to ren/managing feelings abt wanting to keep hachi close#a future with each other is not an option - both in-text and in a genre/meta sense - bc there are no men in that roadmap#nana feels so self aware in this way. like especially with hachi: by all external measures she 'grows up' - but it leaves her isolated#& still yearning for that connection she had with nana...but it's not possible within the confines of their stories and the genre#anyway i'm aware there's lesbians in shojo but the point of the article is examining why this is an anomaly. definitely recommend reading!
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"There's no need to ask about this question. I know best whether I like him or not. But, I can't. He's my ge."
THE ON1Y ONE (2024). EPISODE TWELVE.
#the on1y one#asianlgbtqdramas#asiandramasource#twdramaedit#dramasource#tvedit#*#faiza gifs#that one word 'ge' ................................... the fucking WORLDS APART they became bc of it.#sigh .................... SIIIIIIIIIIIGHHH#i get it i get it I GET IT 24 hours laters after a sleep im more chill about it ig but yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.#god i cant help but just FEEL for jiang tian who has ONCE AGAIN emotionally had to become distant from someone#he devoted himself to#and how sheng wang is ONCE AGAIN isolating himself and just keeping EVERYTHING within OH MAN.#and the worst part of it is jiang tian KNOWS sheng wang's done it ALL on purpose. OF COURSE he KNOWS.#and sheng wang KNOWS that jiang tian KNOWS. and UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. GOD.
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more bee and beloved...
#rote#realm of the elderlings#the fool#beloved#lady amber#bee farseer#assassin's fate#they make me sooo sad#the matching scars....nooo i hate being my father's daughter#the way beloved is the one person who could best understand what bee has been through because he has also gone through it#but it never really happens. because she keeps pushing him away#waa#feeling isolated/being targeted as a child for being different...grappling with seeing the paths and having Dreams...#the cruelty of the servants....how twisted clerres is...#having three parents...#they're the same!!!!!!!!
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In which Ford struggles so badly to relate to other people that he wonders if he’s really human at all. The more isolated he becomes, the harder it is to reconcile with his own humanity.
#my art#gravity falls#Stanford pines#ford pines#bill cipher#comic#eye strain#TIME TO DUMP EVERY ONE OF THE 27483949 THOUGHTS IVE HAD INTO THE TAGS BABY#OK!! SO!!!!#I feel like Ford would wonder why he and Stan (being identical twins) aren’t. yk. identical. shouldn’t Stan have polydactyly too?#as a kid he would dream about secretly being nonhuman and being whisked away to a fantastical world full of people like him#finally free of new jersey‚ finally somewhere he belongs#a lot of this disconnect from humanity came from utterly failing at social interactions while others (including stan) navigated them easily#the feeling waned after Stan was kicked out and he didn't have that direct comparison but it never left#then out in the wilderness of gravity falls‚ his isolation and immersion in Weirdness dragged it back up to the forefront#he deserves to have a breakdown over questioning his own nature. as a treat <3#color symbolism time bc I have a problem and use it at every available moment!!! blue and yellow get more vivid#the further from humanity the subject is#bill is entirely made w pure rgb blue and yellow (+ approximately 2674835 textures/layers/blending modes. I reached 150+ layers. help)#I like the idea that he would appear to ford like pure math considering hes a geometrical motherfucker and how the rest of the mindscape wa#I tried to mostly use trigonometry and related stuff for the Math Greebling. as well as fractals i love you forever fractals#MORE SYMBOLISM:#the grid-ish diamond pattern in all of the mindscape bgs (and elsewhere) is a penrose diagram of spacetime#which shows other universes on the other sides of black holes#SOMEONE ASK ME ABOUT MY EUCLYDIA HEADCANON LATER. IVE DUMPED ENOUGH DUMB HCS IN THESE TAGS ALREADY#BUT I THINK ITS VERY FUN#anyways. fuckt up guys n their egos influencing how they view humanity. bill tells ford hes as human as they come bc he was so easily foole#ford cant reconcile with his humanity bc of a failure to perform in one area#and then the immense guilt and shame over what hes done <3#I have So many ford characterization thoughts. no man nor god can stop me
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so murderbot assumes that three offered its armor because it doesn't understand that the armor can belong to it and thinks mb taking the armor is just good resource allocation.
but if it assumes it doesnt have control over the armor, it would probably let whoever it sees as in charge (maybe ART?) handle it, or at least make the suggestion directly to that person. even newly freed in NE, it's willing to give its security advice (on hostage situations being undesirable) even if it doesn't expect to be taken seriously. it doesn't make sense to me that it would have so much trouble expressing the offer if it were just a security suggestion.
and then i think about how murderbot says later in the book that even if three felt fondly toward its fellow SecUnits, the govmod would prevent it from expressing that care or knowing it was returned.
so-- imagine you're three, and you havent yet internalized that you can just say "i care about you and dont want you to get hurt" to another SecUnit; but you can make sure that it has every resource it might need; you could probably do that even before the govmod was hacked.
you can't explain why, but you can hope that the gesture is explanation enough, and you can look for similar caretaking gestures in return; things like being given code and advice to do your job better, and being reassured when you express that you're finding said job difficult.
i think *murderbot* isn't aware of this language of care, because it hasnt had much opportunity to bond with other constructs. but three probably is, and probably knows how to read between the lines and guess that murderbot is starting to care about it, too.
#system collapse#system collapse spoilers#murderbot spoilers#the murderbot diaries#secunit three#maybe this is obvious#but i just got really caught on that bit abt 3 not being able to know if its feelings were returned#bc on the one hand its a really heartbreaking example of how fucked up the governor module is#but it also feels like a bit too much of an absolute#if mb could write a hack of the govmod surely three + its fellows could do a few unnecessary but kind things for each other#its just that they could never *confirm*#still hellish but not the total isolation mb seems to imagine#murderbot diaries
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