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spideyjimin · 2 days ago

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Bloodlines entwined: IV | jjk

⤷ having a baby alone was supposed to be easy. but an accidental twist of fate pulled you into a hidden world of werewolves, and ancient bloodlines. navigating your already complicated life becomes even harder as you uncover your past; one tied to a legacy you never knew existed. and in the middle of this chaos stands jungkook, the werewolf king… and the father of your child.

— pairing: werewolf!jungkook x female reader

— genre: strangers to lovers, parents-to-be au, royalty au, werewolves au, soulmates au, angst, fluff, and smut

— rating: 18+

— words: 10,073

— warnings: sexual tension, some nervousness, strong language, mention of sex, mention of breakup, mention of pain, crying, teasing, pain, screaming, some panicking, and nudity

— author’s note: this is for now my absolute favorite chapter of this series. so many things happen & it’s a very vulnerable one. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this chapter 🤗 let me know what you think and thanks from the bottom of my heart for the love shown to this series ❤️

Chapter IV: standing next to you

SERIES MASTERLIST | previous | next

Jungkook is patiently waiting for you at the fertility clinic’s entrance.

Today is a special day.

It’s the first day you’ll meet your little baby. However, it’s also a bit of a terrifying day because there’s a possibility that there’s something wrong with the baby.

The werewolf king hasn’t slept at all, too worried about today. Yesterday, you told him about this appointment, and he asked if he could come. How could you say ‘no’ to him? He desires so much to be involved, you can see it in his eyes.

Now that you’re both on the same page about the baby, it feels like you’re on cloud nine. You’re both going to have a child, except it’s definitely not going to be as planned. You were both planning on being alone, but you have each other now.

Jungkook senses you arriving in your car, his eyes completely drawn to you. Feeling your presence from far away is something very new to him; he never experienced it with anybody else. Not even with Yuna. He keeps wondering if it’s because you’re carrying his child, but that doesn’t seem to make any sense.

His entire being is always captivated by you. Whenever you’re around, you’re the only thing that truly matters. There’s something so different about you that he can’t quite explain. Being with you makes him feel good.

As you step out of your car, his eyes lock onto you, completely captivated by your beauty. You’re dressed in sleek black trousers and a white shirt that hints at your cleavage, an effortless yet striking combination. His gaze follows your every move as you open the passenger door to retrieve your long black coat and purse.

The man swallows with difficulty. He finds you extremely beautiful, he’d even say that he has never laid his eyes on someone this pretty. Yuna can’t even compare next to you. And what makes you even prettier is the little life you’re carrying inside you. You’re the mother to his child which is quite a big deal though.

When you notice him, a bright smile appears on your face. His beauty is quite striking, and you wonder how you’ll be able to live a life with such a handsome man. You hope that the baby will take his good looks, because damn, Jungkook is alluring.

His outfit is a bit more casual than yesterday’s, but it’s still more formal than when meeting him at the town square. He’s dressed in blue skinny jeans, a white shirt, and a checked suit jacket. It’s simple, but definitely a great look.

Once you’ve reached him, you actually don’t really know what to do. Do you simply stay in front of him? Or do you kiss on the cheek? Or do you shake his hand?

“A simple kiss on the cheek is enough.”

Jungkook didn’t move his lips at all although you’ve heard him loud and clear in your head.

“Did you say something?” you furrow your eyebrows.

“No,” Jungkook shakes his head.

That’s weird.

However, you decide to follow the voice in you heard—that probably was a hallucination. You get closer to him before pressing a gentle kiss on his squishy cheek. Both of your hearts start beating at the same rapid rhythm. For a moment, Jungkook notices how in synch your hearts are beating, but he doesn’t really give too much credit to it.

“Hello, Jungkook,” you say after the kiss.

“Hi, yn,” he takes a step back to look at you. “Ready?” he asks.

“Yes,” the brightest smile appears on your face.

The two of you head inside the clinic while casually talking about how you’re feeling about this appointment. By the looks of it, Jungkook is more nervous than you. You’re actually not really worried as you constantly hear your child’s heartbeat that grows stronger every day. The only concern there might be is if the baby has any malformation, but even like that, you feel that deep down, you know the baby is just fine.

The doctor—who gave you the extremely bad news of the sample mix-up a month ago—makes her way inside the room after you both got inside. She clearly doesn’t know how to act in front of you, but you decide to smile to put her at ease. On the other side, Jungkook seems closed off, he almost looks pissed.

“Hi Miss y/l/n and Mister Jeon,” she offers you both a smile while she invites you to take a seat.

The two of you sit down before she does the same. Jungkook clearly doesn’t look happy; he seems to still resent her for the mistake made.

“How have you been feeling?” she asks with concern.

“I’m actually doing great,” you inform her.

You look at your right to Jungkook, trying to check his reaction. His dark and intense eyes are fixed on the doctor, leaving you wondering if he’s planning on answering or if he’ll just keep looking at her like he’s about to kill her. By the way his jaw clenches, you assume he’ll ignore her. But, to your surprise, he breaks the tension with a sharp answer.

“Could be better,” he coldly says.

The sharpness in his tone makes you blink. “You could be nicer to her,” those are the words you’d definitely like to say to him, but you resist the urge to call him out. Jungkook turns to you abruptly, his expression unreadable, as always.

“What?” Jungkook asks, his brows furrowing. Your eyes widen as you realize what just happened. He heard you.

“This woman gave me a hundred heart attacks,” he continues. “No way, I’ll be nice to her.”

You stare at each other in silence, your hearts beating rapidly. None of you has moved your lips, but you’ve been mentally talking. This is too wild for you. Jungkook doesn’t understand how on earth that is possible, and you believe that it’s one of those werewolf abilities you’re still discovering.

“Again, I’d like to apologize again for this mistake,” she clears her throat, pulling both of you back into the room. “The costs have been fully refunded to you this week. In principle, you should have already received the reimbursement by now.”

You nod as you remember seeing your bank account increase a lot after receiving the money. It’s honestly so weird to have so much right now, but you’ll transfer most of it to your investment and spare accounts. There’s no way you’ll leave your money to lose value.

While the refund doesn’t erase the mistake, it’s a reminder of how messy this whole situation has been.

“Before we proceed with the ultrasound,” the doctor continues. “I’d like to confirm with you if you’ve made a decision about the pregnancy,” she says.

Jungkook’s unreadable and mysterious face sends shivers down your spine. The energy he radiates is heavier and darker, and you feel the storm growing inside him. He seems to have become a totally different person since entering the room. You know he’s furious at the clinic for their huge mistake, and you understand why. But now, you’ve both decided to keep the baby so in the end, it’s all good.

But still, you need him here, not lost in his anger.

“Yes,” you gently say, offering a small smile before your gaze moves back to the man sitting next to you. “We’ve decided to proceed with the pregnancy.”

“Okay, perfect then!” she seems to relax now.

You can see that he’s holding back, you can sense his anger, but you don’t want to see him like this. You’re about to meet your baby. You place your hand on top of his to gently squeeze it, your thumb tracing soothing circles over his skin.

You instantly see his stiff shoulder relax slightly, and you can sense the heat of his anger vanishing, replaced by something softer, something more vulnerable. You hold onto his hand, willing him to stay calm. He remains quiet, though you can feel him shimmering under the surface. The doctor stands up and gestures toward the next room.

“We can go then do the ultrasound,” she stands up. “How would you like to proceed?”

You’re both confused about her question, not really understanding what she means.

“What do you mean?” you ask, glancing between her and Jungkook.

“This is a pelvic ultrasound,” she explains. “The baby is very small, so we can’t use the standard method.”

“Oh,” you both respond at the same time, the realization dawning on you.

“I’ll leave you then alone,” Jungkook instantly retorts while he shifts in his seat.

“No,” you grab his arm before he can move, your eyes meeting his with determination. “This is your child too. You should be here for the first ultrasound.”

“If you’d prefer,” the doctor starts suggesting. “Mister Jeon can wait outside while you get settled. I’ll ensure your privacy is protected and call him to be next to you once you’re ready.”

You consider her words, appreciating the balance of practicality and respect. This approach seems reasonable, and it might ease Jungkook’s discomfort. You glance at him, silently asking for his agreement. After a moment, he nods.

“Fine,” his voice softens.

The doctor leads you to the room, and Jungkook’s hand lingers on yours for a moment longer before letting you go. Even though he’s not right next to you, you feel his steady presence, grounding you as you prepare to see your baby for this very first time.

Once you’re in the other room, you remove your bottoms. The doctor gestures for you to lie down on the gynecological examination table and place your leg on the stirrups. This is such a vulnerable position, but you’ve been doing this a lot since you started this journey.

This is a room you’ve seen quite a lot, and it almost feels like a second house. The white sterile walls could make you feel uncomfortable, but the soft and calming lighting makes it feel like a warm room. It’s appeasing when you go through this entire process to procreate.

On your right, there is the ultrasound machine and a screen together with the material needed for the ultrasound like the gel. There is also the slim and long transvaginal ultrasound probe. It can look very scary, but it actually doesn’t hurt at all.

“Perfect,” the doctor says once you’re perfectly situated. “I’ll put a little blanket on top to cover you,” she indicates.

You nod with a bit of nervousness. Knowing that Jungkook will see you in this open posture makes you feel a bit anxious. You’ve never come to any gynecologist appointment with any men, not even your exes. It would have felt weird, especially since you were more of a fuck girl. It’s weird to admit it but you’ve always been more comfortable in having sex with somebody than committing to them.

Obviously, you engaged in certain relationships, but it was mostly to try to fill the deep void inside you. There was one man, Elliott with whom you stayed for three years. He’s been the only man who felt right to fall in love with. He treated you right, loved you right, and made you feel right. However, your fear of losing someone special got the best of your relationship.

This breakup knocked you down. You lost someone you deeply loved, just like you lost your parents. Since then, you haven’t engaged in anything with anybody. No dating and no sex. It’s been about focusing on yourself and understanding yourself better. And it’s been two years.

With this entire process of being a mother on your own, it didn’t feel like two years went by.

The doctor leaves for a couple of seconds before reappearing with Jungkook. When your eyes meet, you can tell that this is a first time for him. His facial expression almost indicates some shock to see you in this position. It’s not really glamorous, but for now, that’s how you get to meet your little baby.

Jungkook stands at your left, his eyes going between you and the gynecologist material. A smile grows on your face while you watch him; he looks adorable.

The doctor takes the probe, covers it with a kind of long condom, and puts the gel on it. Jungkook’s eyes widen as he sees it, causing your smile to grow bigger. “Is it going to hurt?” he communicates through his thoughts.

“No, don’t worry,” you answer back before grabbing his hand to squeeze it.

It leaves you wondering how things would have gone if he had done this through surrogacy. Would he be present for the first ultrasound? It would be logical if he was because it is his child, but it would feel weird though. Well, this is probably he will never know since it isn’t about surrogacy anymore.

“Can I?” the doctor asks with the long probe in her hands.

You simply nod, and she proceeds to insert it inside you.

“Just relax,” she tells you.

Jungkook avoids watching down by respect to you, but this is all surprising to him.

The coldness of the device catches you a bit off guard although you should have expected it to be this cool. By reflex, you squeeze Jungkook’s hand, and he obviously starts worrying. However, he caresses the back of your hand with his thumb. Just like the doctor, he wants you to relax.

For a moment, you turn to glance at him. His soft expression calms you down, and right now, you wouldn’t want anyone else to be next to you. It’s weird to think that you like his presence around you when you embarked on this journey by yourself. He wasn’t supposed to be here with you. If the samples hadn’t been mixed up, you’d be here alone.

Suddenly, you can see the image on the monitor move. The doctor is looking for the tiny little piece of life inside you. Then, suddenly, a blurry figure appears, and the baby’s heartbeat breaks the silence of the room.

Even though you’ve been hearing their heartbeat since the first day, hearing it loud and clear makes it emotional. The baby is really alive. His tiny moving heart is clearly visible on the monitor. A little tear of joy streams down your face.

The second the heartbeat can be heard, Jungkook squeezes your hand. His baby—or should he say your baby—is thriving inside your belly. This makes it real; he’s about to become a father. A little Jeon is about to join the family, and that fills his heart with a pride he can’t explain.

The circumstances that created this tiny human—and wolf—aren’t the greatest. But this baby has been more than desired by his two parents. The two of you are exceptionally happy to finally see the baby.

Nothing could have prepared you for this moment. It’s unique. It’s incredible. And it’s heartwarming.

The doctor is speaking in the background, but none of you seems to pay attention to her words. You’re solemnly focused on the tiny blurry figure on the screen. None of you speak; you simply embrace every emotion you feel, and your hands intertwined together. As you see the baby, you feel excited for the upcoming ultrasounds to see them slowly growing.

“All seems to be fine with the baby,” those words push you out of your reverie.

This is all that matters. If the baby is doing great, you don’t care about the rest. Life has been so chaotic lately, and this is the best news you ever got in the past few weeks.

“So, this was our last appointment together,” she explains while removing the probe. “From now on, you’ll have to be followed by your obstetrician. We will contact you throughout the pregnancy and after the birth to check up on you.”

Jungkook is relieved that he won’t have to come back to this place. His eyes look down at your fingers entwined; you’re still holding onto each other. Even though he doesn’t want to admit it out loud, since the first second he saw you, he knows what you truly represent to him.

Since he met you, he’s been experiencing things he never did with anyone else. He’s been having such a strong connection with you. And now, you can even communicate through thoughts. That is a unique bond. A bond you only create with one person only. Your soulmate.

But that’s something Jungkook doesn’t want to admit or believe right now. There has been so much going on right now, and for sure, when everything will slow down, it will probably hit him in the face.

The father of your child leaves the room so you can get dressed. Once ready, you join him in the doctor’s office. He’s patiently waiting for you, and it truly warms your heart to see him here. You take a seat next to him while the doctor proceeds to explain certain things about what’s next with the pregnancy. She gives a bunch of advice which honestly seems to be helpful.

After fifteen minutes, you leave her office with Jungkook. It’s a weird feeling to know you’re never coming back here again. For a couple of months, you’d come quite often, but your project is finally taking place. You’re about to become a mother. A werewolf mother.

The two of you walk in complete silence until your car. You’re both still processing what you just saw and experienced. When you reach your car, you finally look up at him. He’s biting his lower lip, clearly lost in his thoughts.

“You’re okay?” you ask.

His eyes finally meet yours. There’s something in his gaze you’ve never quite seen before. You’re seeing a storm of emotions in them.

You see worry, the weight of responsibility already pressing heavily on his shoulders. You see vulnerability, something he rarely shows, he’s always composed under any circumstances. But beyond all that, there is something else. There’s awe, as though the ultrasound was a moment that truly humbled him. It’s as if he’s beginning to grasp the enormity of what’s happening, of the life growing inside you, and of the connection forming between the three of you.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. “It’s just something special to see the little life forming inside you,” he admits.

“It is,” you offer him a little smile.

Jungkook looks so endearing right now, and you just want to hug him tight in your embrace.

“Tomorrow night is the full moon,” he then completely changes the conversation’s topic. “If you’re still okay with it, I’d like you to be at my place.”

This approaching full moon is making you nervous. It’s the first one you’ll experience as a pregnant lady, but it’s also probably going to be your first one where you’ll shift into a wolf shape. And that sounds pretty scary, especially since you’ve known about your werewolf heritage for like three days.

Jungkook takes a step closer, his hand delicately placing a strand of hair behind your ear. This simple gesture sends shivers down your spine, and your heart suddenly beats faster. Your eyes get lost in his, and the world seems to fade away around you as his thumb lightly brushes against your cheek.

Since he has appeared in your life, you’ve been going through lots of ups and downs. He has unveiled the werewolf world to you together with a part of yourself you never knew. It hasn’t been easy, but his presence feels grounding and reassuring. Deep down, you kind of feel that he’s never going to leave you. It’s an unspoken truth that you can’t explain, but somehow, you know.

His face moves dangerously closer to yours until you feel his hot breath on your skin. Your heart hammers faster and faster in your chest, and for a brief moment, nothing else matters. There is no doubt that he’s about to kiss you, and truthfully, there’s nothing else you want more. But a small voice in the back of your mind whispers caution.

Today, you’ve experienced a lot of emotion, especially since you got to see your baby for the first time. You don’t want this kiss to happen because of the intensity of the moment. You want this first kiss to happen because it’s right, because you both want it with absolute clarity, not as a reaction to the whirlwind of feelings you’re navigating.

His nose brushes against yours, his warmth pulling you in, and your lips are a breath away from meeting when you step back. Jungkook blinks, surprised. His eyes search yours, and you can see confusion and even a touch of disappointment in his eyes. He doesn’t say anything, he’s definitely too surprised.

“I’ll be at your place tomorrow,” you say, your voice soft but steady. “Just send me the details.”

Before he can say anything, you jump in your car and slip away, your pulse still racing. As you’re driving, you try to steady your thoughts, pushing aside what almost happened. You’re not ready. Not just yet.

Following Jungkook’s address, your car slows down as you approach an imposing set of gates. Massive iron bars stand tall against the backdrop of the dense woods surrounding the estate, their presence as commanding as the man you’re here to meet.

You stop and glance around from your windshield before you leave the car. Beyond the gates, the large trees hide the driveway and the house. Your imagination starts to fill in the blanks. He’s the king, after all. His home must be grand, maybe even overwhelming.

On the wall beside the gate, a modern intercom system catches your eye. A silver button gleams in the sunlight, its simple design contrasting with the timeless feel of the gates. Your hand hovers near the button as you still look around you. You feel so small, standing here at the threshold of Jungkook’s world; one you’re not entirely sure to belong yet.

Taking a deep breath, you press the button. Barely seconds later, a voice is heard through the intercom.

“Hello,” you don’t recognize the voice. “How can I help you?”

Well, as the king, it wouldn’t surprise you that he has people working for him. He couldn’t possibly take care of his house by himself.

“Hello, I’m yn,” you say. “I was invited by Jung… Mister Jeon,” you answer.

“Hello, miss y/l/n, we were waiting for you,” the voice says. “Please follow the road to the mansion.”

The impressive gates move to let you enter Jungkook’s estate. You instantly jump back into your car before starting the engine. Very carefully and slowly, you drive through the road, your eyes wandering around you. This is definitely a very impressive state, and there’s absolutely no doubt that the father of your child is wealthy.

After a little while, a sprawling, stone-clad mansion with dark and earthy tones comes into view. The architecture is both ancient and timeless, with arches windows, and carved details that hint at its long history. You can’t believe this is where Jungkook lives, and it also leaves you wondering if this is where your child is going to grow up. Well, most probably yes.

An impressive courtyard suddenly appears, and it’s surrounded by well-manicured gardens that lead into the untamed wilderness of the forest. It’s simply incredible.

You don’t really know where to stop your car, but a man dressed in black clothing runs in your direction. In order to not make him run more, you halt and roll down the window. He’s out of breath when he reaches you.

“Miss y/l/n,” he manages to say, and you offer him a little smile. “Please follow me with your car to the parking spot.”

The man starts walking again, and this time you follow his direction. Everything about this seems unreal. A month ago, you totally ignored werewolves existed; you were planning everything to welcome a baby. And today, you’re here. You’re about to enter the mansion of the Werewolf King, and the father of your baby.

Seconds later, the man indicates where you can park. Once you stop the engine, the man opens the door for you. Wow, this is a first time, but you deeply appreciate it even though it wasn’t necessary.

“Thanks,” you say as you step out.

“You’re welcome,” he bows. “Would you have any luggage with you?” he asks.

For a moment, you take a look at the man. This is definitely a footman, Jungkook’s personal footman. Honestly, this feels like being in one of those Christmas movies where a random girl meets a prince or king and they fall in love. However, in this case, you don’t fall in love and you share a kid.

“Yes,” you answer. “But don’t worry, I’ll take it.”

The man shakes his head. “I got personal orders from Mister Jeon to take care of it,” he says. “And I would also never leave a pregnant woman carry her luggage.”

Seems like you don’t have much to say here. He’s following his boss’ orders, and based on what you see, Jungkook won’t allow any rule to be unfollowed. And you’ll also feel guilty if anything happens to this man because of you.

“Okay,” you admit in defeat. “Then, let me just open the trunk.”

The man follows you and instantly grabs your small luggage when the trunk is opened. It’s honestly super weird, and if everything will be like this tonight, you’re not sure you’ll get used to it. For sure, Jungkook undoubtedly grew up in the middle of all this, but this is new to you.

“Please follow me,” he repeats.

Now that you’re closer to the mansion, you get to see every detail. The front features a massive, double-door entrance made of dark and polished wood, with ornate iron handles. There are also some stone statues around the façade, giving an air of mystery and foreboding.

Jungkook is standing in front of the door, with a little smile on his face. Honestly, you weren’t expecting to see him right here. You thought that his footman would guide you to a living room, or a study where his boss would be sitting and waiting for you.

“Thanks, Jinwoo,” Jungkook says to his footman.

The man bows before entering the mansion with your luggage in your hand. As you stand before Jungkook, you realize now that he’s a king. It feels instinctual to bow. Kings are meant to be respected and acknowledged for their status. Your knees slightly bend, and your head dips forward, but before you fully bow, his voice cuts through your thoughts.

“No need,” he murmurs in your mind. “You don’t have to do it with me.”

His voice holds a quiet authority, but there’s also something else. Something unspoken, almost tender. For a moment, you hesitate. Bowing feels like the respectful, appropriate thing to do, but his response leaves you questioning the boundaries of his role in your life.

“Are you sure?”

His piercing and dark eyes meet yours, unwavering and resolute. “I am,” he answers, his tone leaving no room for argument even if he’s speaking through your mind.

The intensity of his gaze makes your breath hitch as if he’s reaching past your thoughts and speaking directly to the very core of you. And then, something changes in the air between you. It’s not just his words that stop you. It’s the way he’s looking at you. His expression is almost wounded.

Now, you wonder if you offended him, and the guilt begins to creep in. You’ve never met someone who held so much power yet dismissed the formalities that come with it.

For Jungkook, the title of king isn’t just about wearing a crown. It’s a mantle he bears with pride and responsibility. But when it comes to you, it’s as if he wants to strip away the formalities, the hierarchies, the distance. He doesn’t want you to see him as a king. He wants you to see him for who he truly is.

With you, everything is simply different. When you met him, you totally ignored that he was a king. Every time you met, you would treat him as anybody else, and honestly, it felt great. He wasn’t a king. He simply was Jungkook.

“You’re different,” his voice softly brushes your mind again.

Your heart skips a beat at his words, and the tension in your body slowly fades away. You try to let go of the urge to bow even though it feels weird. His strong presence almost commands reverence, but he made it clear: he doesn’t want that from you.

Jungkook gets closer, his hand brushing against your cheek to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear. Briefly, you close your eyes to savor the sweet contact of his skin against yours. This brings you back to yesterday when you were about to kiss. You regret how you walk away, especially since you desperately wanted to kiss him, but it’s better like this.

“Thank you,” you say as you open your eyes.

This sense of equality he’s extending to you warms your heart. Jungkook nods, his eyes softening before he takes a step back. This man is such a mystery, but it’s evident that he’s carrying so much on his shoulder. So much history, duty, and perhaps even loneliness that he tries to hide.

“Hi, yn,” he then says out loud as if you’re speaking for the first time.

“Hello, Jungkook,” you reply with a little smile growing on your face.

“How was the road?” he gestures for you to come inside.

As the gentleman he has proven to be, he lets you walk inside his house first. You’re welcomed with a grand double staircase made of white marble, a marble that matches the floor beneath your feet. Along the walls of the stairs, there are hanging paintings of people. Probably Jungkook’s ancestors.

In the middle, a massive chandelier made of iron is hanging. The walls are impressively high, giving this space a grandiose aspect. This is for sure the kind of place you never thought of seeing in your life. Everything about this room screams ancient and power.

“The trip was fine,” you answer while your eyes get lost. “Although I thought at some point that I got lost,” you explain, your eyes now looking at the man behind you. “This is kind of in the middle of nowhere.”

“Yeah,” he nods. “As a werewolf king, it would be weird if I wasn’t surrounded by a forest.”

“It makes sense,” you admit. “But still, I was really about to call you with despair.”

Somehow, you can see in his eyes that he would have loved that. Saving the damsel in distress, but that’s not for you. There’s no need to save you, you can manage by yourself.

“You were about to call me?” he smirks with evident amusement in his voice. “I wouldn’t have minded. It’s not every day that I get to play the hero.”

You hold back the urge to roll your eyes.

“Don’t get used to the idea. I can handle myself just fine,” you answer while crossing your arms with a small smile appearing on your face.

Jungkook tilts his head slightly while his smirk deepens. “Oh, I know,” his voice is softer now and his eyes are shining with admiration. “That’s one of the things I like about you.”

At his words, you can feel the heat beneath your cheeks. You weren’t expecting him to compliment you while insinuating that he has a way too big estate, but you take the compliment.

Your child’s father proceeds then to make a little home tour. For sure, he doesn’t show you all the rooms as it is not needed. The first thing he shows you is the bedroom you’ll be staying in tonight. It’s located on the second floor, and the decoration is very simple. It’s a king-size bed with two nightstands and some furniture. Your luggage is already placed on a fancy bench.

A bit further on the second floor, there is the dining room. You’ll be eating here tonight before it gets dark. Apparently, it’s important to eat well and enough before taking a wolf shape. It helps to calm down the hunger, and it lowers the risk to kill someone or an animal.

On the third floor, there is his magnificent bedroom. It’s extremely big, you’d say your entire apartment fits in the room. It’s also very well decorated; there are many pictures and paintings, and the room breaths ‘Jungkook’. However, the most impressive part is the large walk-in wardrobe. He has a remarkable quantity of clothes.

Then, he guides you outside to an outbuilding. It’s a very rustic, ancient, and a big one, but it looks cute even though it’s a bit far from the main house. However, what stands out more is the strong smell. It’s not unpleasant, but it’s something that definitely draws you.

“So, this place was built for the full moons,” he begins to explain. “This is where we shift, and it avoids destroying the prestigious house my ancestors built. It’s also closer to the woods.”

As you get closer, the scent grows stronger.

“My ancestors also placed something in the walls to attract us. When we shift the scent is even stronger than now, and it was made in case we get out of control. That way, we won’t be going to the main house. It was made to protect the humans living in our house,” you nod at his explanation.

Jungkook opens the door, letting you in first. There’s absolutely nothing in this room, except for a fridge.

“I don’t really use this room anymore,” he explains.

“Do you completely control your transformation?” you ask.

“Yep, that’s the perk of being an Alpha and a King,” he explains. “I’m not influenced by the moon’s phases anymore, but I’ll be with you tonight.”

“And for normal werewolves, at what moment of the full moon do they start changing?” you ask with curiosity.

You need to mentally prepare yourself for what’s coming, there are so many unknowns. For sure, Jungkook will guide you every step of the way tonight, but you still want to know what is going to happen.

“As soon as the sun is down,” he says.

“Okay,” you reply.

For a moment, you just look at this empty room, your heart beating crazily in your chest. Seeing this makes you realize that maybe tonight, you’ll shift into a wolf. It’s a reminder of the heritage your parents hid from you all these years. Not only is this extremely scary, but it’s even more because you’ll have to do it without your parents; the people you loved the most.

“I’m scared, Jungkook,” you turn around to look at him. “So so scared,” you admit.

Jungkook comes closer, his right hand grabbing your left one. His thumb caresses the back of your hand, trying to comfort you as much as possible.

“I understand,” his voice is soft. “This is all new to you, and you’re pushed right through the possibility of shifting into a wolf. I’m sorry this is all happening to you, and I wish things were different.”

He pauses for a moment, his gaze locked onto yours. “No matter what happens, I’ll be right here, standing next to you.”

You squeeze his hand while you whisper, “Thank you.” His support undeniably means a lot to you, you’re not sure you’d be able to go through this without him.

“If I could, I’d take your place in a heartbeat,” he continues. “I’d take all the pain and carry this burden if it meant you didn’t have to suffer. I wouldn’t hesitate, not even for a second.”

Without any hesitation, you throw yourself into his arms to hug him. Pressing a cheek against his chest, you close your eyes. His warmth seems to melt away all the tension in your body. Jungkook has been giving you the comfort of knowing that you don’t have to face everything alone. He’s taken a bit aback, but he wraps his strong arms around you, holding you tight against him.

His lips press a gentle kiss on your head while you remain in this position for a little while. His heartbeat appeases your soul, and it’s the only sound that you hear. In the midst of all this chaos, you’re grateful you found Jungkook.

After dinner, with Jungkook, you go to the outbuilding. But before doing so, he hands you a ‘special’ outfit. It looks like a sporty outfit; it’s made of a black top with black leggings. However, it’s made of a very stretchy fabric.

Jungkook explained that his family developed an outfit capable of resisting the transformation some years ago. Instead of getting ripped off, the fabric detaches when you shift. Once you get back to your human form, you can easily put it back. Apparently, there are magnets inside.

It’s honestly impressive, but, at the same time, not surprising. It’s the royal family that we’re talking about. They have the means to create something like that.

Jungkook’s a big fan of this fabric; all his clothes are made of it. Since he’s not influenced by the moon, he needs adaptive clothes for whenever he wants or needs to turn into a wolf. He also mentioned that it’s very comfortable, which definitely is the case.

“This is impressive,” you say as you’re walking.

The man walking next to you is wearing a long-sleeved white shirt with baggy grey pants. He looks incredibly fine, but you try to avoid looking at him. You don’t want to seem like you’re obsessed with him when you’ve known him for like a month.

“Yep, it is,” he smiles at you.

Jungkook is unable to look away, you look like a damn walking meal. He’s very much aware that he’s attracted to you, otherwise, he wouldn’t have tried to kiss you the other day. But the damn full moon always intensifies any physical attraction. His eyes even still glance at your fine ass. Thankfully, you don’t notice anything.

Once you reach the outbuilding, you put down all the things you brought with you. There are some snacks, two blankets, and extra clothing in case something happens. Jungkook doesn’t fully close the door behind you because if he does so, you’ll be stuck here and might destroy everything.

Since the sun hasn’t fully set yet, you sit down on the floor with Jungkook.

“How was your first transformation?” you ask with curiosity.

“It wasn’t great,” he admits. “It was the day after I turned ten, and I didn’t want to shift. And believe me, resisting it is painful as hell,” he confesses. “On top of that, I was really angry so when I became a wolf, I was out of control. My father didn’t manage to catch me up when I was out in the woods, but he found me when I turned back to human. I was crying like a baby, and I couldn’t remember a damn thing. My father later found out that I had attacked somebody, but thankfully, nothing too bad.”

This doesn’t really reassure you. If Jungkook didn’t have a great first experience, how would be yours? Will you kill someone? Will you also lose control? Also, you’re pregnant so it might be even worse.

“Being a wolf is something I didn’t embrace for a long time, especially since I knew I would eventually become a king,” he confesses. “So for a solid two years, every full moon was extremely painful. Once I accepted it, everything became easier, but I was very young.”

“So our child will also have their first transformation at ten?” you ask, and he nods.

By then, you might probably be able to help your child as you would have gone through ten years of full moons. But that doesn’t change the fact that, right now, it seems scary.

“With my blood, our child will live this wolf experience very differently than any other werewolf. They will be a king or queen so they must be stronger and better prepared than anybody else.”

This kid seems to have gotten the golden ticket to be ‘special’. Merely a month ago, you thought this child would be a totally normal kid, but then, Jungkook proved you wrong.

“The fact that I’m from a different pack won’t have any impact?” you ask.

“Nope,” he shakes his head. “The royal blood is stronger than any other.”

“So I’m basically just carrying your child,” you jokingly say. “It’s like I don’t contribute at all.”

He rolls his eyes, but he’s in the mood to tease you back.

“Carrying our child,” he corrects with a smirk, leaning in slightly. “And trust me, your contribution is very… memorable,” he whispers in your ear.

Shivers run down your spine, and the playful and cheerful mood has been replaced by something more heavy. By something hotter. And man, you crave so damn much to kiss this man. How will you survive this night with him by your side?

His face is way too close to yours, his eyes now locked on yours. His hot breath caresses your face, and his gaze is filled with lust. The two of you look at each other’s lips with so much desire. The attraction you feel towards him seems to grow bigger and bigger every day. You’re sure you’ll end up giving in, but you haven’t changed your mind. This kiss needs to happen because you’re both sure about it.

You clear your throat before straightening up. Jungkook instantly retreats, sitting the way he was before getting too close.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

“It’s okay,” you say.

In the blink of an eye, the sun goes down, and the moon lights up through the darkness of the night. At first, you don’t really feel anything, you’re even convinced you’ll easily navigate through this night. But very slowly, the pain intensifies as your bones and muscles realign into a form they never took before. Everything inside you is moving. Everything inside you is being torn apart. It feels like someone is pulling you in two different directions. You’ve never experienced this kind of pain.

“Jungkook,” you almost scream as the bones of your right arm move. “Help me.”

Tears run down your face, and Jungkook cups your face in his hands. His thumbs clean the tears on your cheeks. He’s on his knees just like you so he can be at your level. It’s impossible for you to be standing or sitting because of all the things changing in your body right now.

His eyes are full of fear and pain as he obviously can’t do anything but watch you go through this. Obviously, he can understand the intensity of the pain you feel, but he can’t take the pain away. He has healing powers, but they don’t work for this kind of scenario.

“I’m so scared.”

“I know,” he answers. “Don’t fight it, just embrace the pain. Scream at every moving bone. Scream when your muscles tear. But don’t hold anything back.”

You nod, your eyes don’t leave his as they seem to anchor you in some kind of way.

“You can do this,” he encourages you. “You’re so fucking strong.”

The next couple of minutes that feel like hours, you spend them screaming with pain. You understand now why the first full moon is painful. It’s the first time that your body adapts to your wolf shape. A wolf and a human are very much different.

“You’re doing so great, yn,” his thumbs caress your cheeks. “You’re doing so well,” he repeats.

Suddenly, Jungkook sees your eyes becoming blue, and he mimics you, his eyes now turning red. The man in front of you decides to turn at the same pace so you don’t feel alone in this. For sure, it’s not quite the same, but at least, by the time, you’re fully a wolf, he’ll be as well.

“Thank you,” you whisper.

Then, out of the blue, you feel the baby moving, and your hand instantly goes to your stomach. Your ears try to find the sound of his heartbeat, but you don’t find it.

“Something’s wrong?” Jungkook is looking at you with worry.

“The baby,” you simply answer, and Jungkook frowns. “I don’t hear the heartbeat.”

“Don’t worry, yn,” he says. “I hear it.”

“But I don’t,” you start crying.

Jungkook begins imitating the baby’s heartbeat to help you find it. Following his voice, you try to find the heartbeat, but you can’t. You never stop trying because right now, that’s what you need. You need to ensure your baby’s safety. This is already very painful and if on top of that, you lose your baby, it’ll be the end of you.

Swiftly, the heartbeat echoes in your ears which appeases your soul instantly. Right there, you notice the claws appearing in your hands. It’s impressive to see it coming from your body. It feels unreal. Your body is changing, transforming into something you don’t know. At the same time, you can sense his hands changing against your cheeks. It doesn’t hurt, but his skin texture is different.

After that, your teeth and ears change as well. Jungkook’s hands leave your face to give you room while you go through this transformation. And for a while, you remain like that, stuck in between your human and wolf shapes. However, the pain doesn’t fade away. It’s still there, but nothing has changed. Jungkook starts to pick up the despair in your eyes. You’re panicking.

“Yn,” he lifts your chin to make you look at him.

His red wolfy eyes meet your blue ones.

“I’m a failure, Jungkook,” you whisper.

Your cheeks are ravaged by the tears that have been running down your face since the beginning. It’s such a heartbreaking vision.

“I can’t even fully turn into a wolf.”

“Hey, hey, hey,” he halts you before you add anything else. “Don’t say that. You’re far from being a failure.”

His fingers brush your chin with tenderness which soothes you.

“You’re fucking brave, yn,” he continues. “You tragically lost your parents, you’ve recently found out about you and this heritage, and since you’re ten, you’ve been navigating life in the most heartbreaking way,” he reassures you. “You’re doing way better than a lot of us, and we had at least ten years to prepare.”

His red eyes don’t ever look away from you. Even though they have a wolf aspect, you can see how soft his expression is.

“It’s okay to be scared, but I’m here. You’re not alone in this.”

You nod with tears still running down your face.

“Just let this happen, don’t fight it,” his voice is calm. “Take a deep breath and don’t focus on the pain.”

You close your eyes, take a deep breath, and you try to focus on something other than the pain. Jungkook’s calm heartbeat invades your senses, and you decide to use it as an anchor. You decide to focus on it to forget about the pain.

Slowly, you feel your body complete the shift. Fur spreads over your skin, your hands become paws, and the clothes covering your body are now on the floor. The world around you now feels vivid and alive.

Your vision is totally different, and your senses are heightened. Everything seems to stimulate you, but somehow, you still manage to not react to everything.

“How do you feel?” Jungkook asks.

“The pain is completely gone,” you telepathically say.

Even if you deeply desire to speak, in this shape, you can’t say much except growl. However, you can still have a conversation with him through your thoughts. It’s honestly quite a useful.

“And everything feels different, but it’s fine so far,” you add.

He tilts his head, slightly confused.

“Okay, this is new,” he says. “Usually, people leave their human side when they turn,” he informs you. “But it’s good if you still have your human side while being a wolf.”

Jungkook shifts into his wolf form, and you’re blown away. A large wolf has now replaced the man standing in front of you. He’s even more impressive as a wolf than as a human. His stature is intimidating yet majestic, exuding both dominance and grace.

His fur is a blend of silvery grey and white, making his red eyes stand out a lot. His eye color adds an intense energy to his appearance, signifying his role as the king and the immense power he holds.

“Like what you see?” his voice echoes in your mind.

Even though you don’t have a human aspect anymore, you still feel your face get hot. You look away with shyness.

“You’re so majestic,” you admit.

“I’m supposed to be the king,” he answers while his muzzle appears in front of you. “I know I have a more imposing stature as a wolf.”

This is all so crazy. Never in a billion years would have you thought this was going to happen. You’ve turned into a wolf with a guy that is a werewolf king. On top of that, you’re calmly speaking with a wolf as if it’s the most normal thing.

“What color is my fur?” you ask with curiosity.

“It’s a deep dark brown,” he says while his eyes glance at you. “Very pretty color.”

Is this man going to make you blush all night long?

“Thanks,” your eyes don’t look away this time.

Jungkook now shows you how to walk, move, and adjust to your new body. Every step feels foreign, it feels like you’re learning how to walk again. As you’re walking towards the door, you have this feeling that you’re walking like an injured dog. But it’s your first time, you can’t be harsh with yourself.

The two of you head towards the door that opens to the woods. At first, you stumble slightly because your legs feel strange. But slowly, you realize that you’re walking. Really walking. The ground under your paws feels solid, reassuring. The more you move, the more natural it becomes.

As you walk towards the forest, you start to gain confidence, and it makes you feel powerful and free. It’s not easy to describe, a mix of awe and exhilaration that courses through your veins. Never in your life have you felt this way. It’s like this new form isn’t just a part of you—it’s always been waiting for you to claim it.

Your heart beats faster, not with fear, but with an exciting sense of possibility. You glance at Jungkook, whose red eyes shine under the moonlight. He senses your transformation is more than just physical. He gives you an encouraging look before he runs, his sleek sliver-and-white fur shining under the moon.

Jungkook keeps looking back at you to make sure you’re following him. However, you take your time because you want to adjust to this new reality. Slowly, you begin to move, your steps becoming steadier with each passing second.

As you enter the depths of the forest, you realize how deeper everything feels around you. It’s like you’re discovering for the first time what it feels like to be walking in the woods. The earthy scent of the moss and leaves fills your nostrils like never before. You feel every blade of grass under your paws, and the night wind brushes through your fur, sending delightful shivers down your spine.

Over your head, the full moon glows in the dark, and its energy courses through you and heightens every sensation. It’s overwhelming but in the best possible way.

You push forward, your paws digging into the earth as you pick up speed. Jungkook slows down, waiting for you to catch up. His glowing red eyes are filled with pride and encouragement, and he swears he has never seen something as beautiful. Watching you discover everything he has taken for granted is heartwarming.

When you finally reach him, you stand next to him for a moment before you run past him. He’s definitely surprised, and soon, he’s running beside you. For the first time, you don’t struggle to keep up. You’re racing with him, your movements fluid and sure. The two of you snake through the trees, your bodies moving as though they’re part of the forest. You’ve never felt so alive, so connected to the world around you.

Jungkook keeps a steady pace beside you, and his presence grounds you in this surreal moment. You really can’t describe the feeling of having the wind rushing through your fur as you run. Eventually, you end up slowing to a stop in a clearing bathed in moonlight. Your breathing is heavy, but your heart has never felt this light before.

Jungkook steps closer, his voice echoing in your mind: “You did it.”

You look at the father of your child and realize this is so much more than just a transformation. It’s a bond, a shared experience you’ll for sure never forget. As overwhelming as it’s all been, you wouldn’t trade it for anything. You wouldn’t trade this moment for anything in the world.

This is your new reality, and it surprisingly feels like home.

“I did it,” you think to yourself, but Jungkook hears it.

The wolf next to you has never felt so much pride over someone turning into a wolf. He was present when his younger siblings made their first steps as wolves, and even though he was very proud of them, with you, it’s completely different. And he wonders if he will feel even more pride once your baby shifts for the first time.

For the rest of the night, you just walk through the woods, flirting with the city’s limits. Jungkook’s own forest seems to know no end, but it definitely gives you all the space you need to freely run. Surprisingly, you don’t meet any other wolf, but you don’t mind. You’re just too thrilled to discover this new body.

“It’s time to go back,” Jungkook informs you as he notices the darkness of the night leaving room for the sun’s light.

The father of your child guides you back to his outbuilding. Since you have no clue where you are, you simply follow him. Very quickly, you reach the large space. This time around, Jungkook closes the door once you’re both inside.

“So,” he stands in front of you. “To shift back to your human form is easier, but it’s more emotionally draining,” he explains. “It’s not painful, but it’ll take a lot of energy from you.”

You nod, it’s logical that it also contains its fair share of difficulty. Now, you just need to know how to go back to your human form.

“What do I need to do?” you ask.

“You need to set free the wolf inside you,” he tells you. “And visualize yourself as human.”

Well, seems easier said than done. How do you even set the wolf free? You’re definitely not very very sure how you should approach this, but you’ll try.

You close your eyes, but all you can think of is how you felt tonight. This has been by far one of the best experiences of your life. It was painful—you won’t hide it, but the aftermath made it worth it. You’d go through that pain again just to be able to walk so freely.

For a moment, it’s all you can think about, and it doesn’t help to shift you back into your ‘normal’ self. Then, you open your eyes and watch Jungkook.

“I don’t know how to do that,” you say.

The impressive wolf standing in front of you seems to think. He doesn’t really know what to tell you, he’s been able to shift so easily for over fifteen years. It’s easy to guide someone through the pain, but when there isn’t any, he simply doesn’t know what to say.

“Maybe try to think of someone you cherish, or a good memory, or at least, something that makes you happy.”

For the second time, you close your eyes. Your mind runs through all the positive events you lived, and one stands out from all of them. It’s a memory with your dad.

When you were little, you’d love to go to the shopping street downtown. There were always tons of people—something deeply annoying—, but you’d love to run through every store window to look inside. Your father would go to some of them to buy ‘grown-up’ things. You don’t remember what it was exactly because you didn’t really care back then. All you wanted was to see everything the store had.

At the end, there would be a pretty big café. If you’d behave well, you had the right to eat a pastry with orange juice. Obviously, you’d always make sure to wear your best behavior because the reward was worth it. For the pastry, you’d always go for a croissant with chocolate in it. Every time, you’d hope that the café would have this croissant. If not, you’d take whatever there was.

Your father would always take an espresso with a cheese toast. The smell of his coffee would always comfort you. Even right now, you can still smell it, and it has the same comforting effect. Those are the most precious souvenirs you have with your father.

After his passing, you never went back to that café. Felix tried to bring you there, but you’d refuse. You didn’t want to replace the souvenirs with your father. This café was your dad’s and yours, nobody else's. A little tear runs down your face as you remember that you’ll never be able to create new memories with him in that special place.

Without realizing it, you slowly shift back into your human form. When you realize it, you slowly open your eyes while standing up. Jungkook is still a wolf, but in a matter of seconds, he’s back to being a human.

Your eyes widen when you’re graced with a naked Jungkook, and you instinctively put your hands in front of your eyes. You weren’t really expecting this, and especially, to see this man naked any time soon. He chuckles, but then, it hits you— you’re naked as well.

“Shit,” you mumble.

Then, his warm hands wrap a blanket around you. You uncover your eyes to look back again at the werewolf king. He’s still very much bare, and you try to avoid staring below his chest. It feels totally inappropriate.

“Thanks,” you offer him a little smile.

To your surprise, his right arm is fully covered in tattoos. Honestly, you would have never imagined him with body art. He doesn’t give the type; perhaps it’s because he’s a king. Actually, you’ve never pictured any king adorned with such markings. And it truly makes him look a million times hotter.

Let’s not even talk about his toned figure…

Your eyes can’t help but be drawn to his body. His squared and broad shoulders look like they were carved from stone, and his muscular torso is just as well mesmerizing. The way his chest rises and falls with each breath is hypnotic, and for a moment, you can almost feel the raw power lying beneath his skin.

Your eyes linger longer than they should, and you suddenly find it hard to meet his eyes again. You can’t deny it—his presence is utterly magnetic, and it stirs something deep within you.

Suddenly, you’re violently hit by the fatigue. You didn’t see that coming, but after this amazing night, it’s normal.

Jungkook grabs the clothes on the floor, and you turn around so you don’t stare any longer at him—or should you say drool over him. He looks way too good for his own good. While looking at the wall facing you, you yawn and rub your eyes. You really need to sleep now.

“You’re tired?” Jungkook asks.

“Very,” you answer.

The man appears in front of you, fully dressed with a smile on his face. His cute face contrasts a lot with his very muscular body.

“Let me take you back home,” he says when he realizes just how tired you truly are. And before you even know it, you’re in his arms while he carries you to his mansion.

#bts #bts fanfic #bts imagine #jeon jungkook #jungkook #jungkook fanfic #bts angst #jungkook angst #bts fluff #jungkook fluff #bts smut #jungkook smut #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bloodlines entwined #bloodlines entwined: chapter 4 #spideyjimin

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thespianinthebackcorner · 1 day ago

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I think part of the reason this narrow definition of "canon" is also part of why people are so incensed about other stuff that has degraded fandom culture nowadays too. Along with a lack of media literacy, people have begun to expect things served to them on a platter exactly as it says on the tin- but that's just not how art works. You cannot have a functional clock without the gears, and good art has a great many gears hidden beneath the surface. For a piece of media to operate at its full capacity and do what it is meant to- in this case, serve as queer representation- you cannot show every single gear in the clock, and often- especially in modern society, where it is still for some reason a dangerous struggle to have that queer representation included in mainstream media- sometimes it is better, necessary, to hide the gears and let the audience figure out the true nature of the clock and what makes it tick the way it does. It's a very recent phenomenon that media has begun to be blatant about their representation and allowed the characters to be obvious about who they are, and people are taking this openness for granted and not looking back to see how we got to this point.

This also means people don't learn to see what is and is not good representation, as when you learn the structure of the gears and how to spy the right kind of a clock, it becomes easier to find the gilded models made only for money and not out of love for the craft and the purpose. If you do not learn to find the "hidden" representation, the gears just below the surface, you cannot possibly learn to find everything below, all the mechanics that make the gears turn, the source of the energy- and, in turn, you cannot recognise a good, beautiful, clock deserving of your love and worth the time and effort made to make it, and you cannot learn to tell those from the cheap imitations made to trick people into buying half-broken clocks with no soul behind their creation, only greed. I myself, as of now, can often only find the mechanics of the upper layers, the more obvious things, and often have to be told what is and is not good representation by those who are more experienced. But it is a skill you must learn and hone, as the more you learn to recognise the maker's mark of a good clock, the more you learn to discard the fakers and push them to do better.

As artisans like I am, it is even more vital a skill, to recognise what you may be unconsciously putting into what you are crafting. I can create a few levels deeper than I can recognise, but analysis of your own work- and asking others to analyse it for you- is necessary to grow this skill so that not only do you avoid mixed messages, you can fight biases hidden further than you might be able to see at first. This is still something I need to learn and hone, too- I still have some internalised ableism, and I've had to come face-to-face with that as I write my first HMS fic (hence why chapter 2 is taking so long, sorry guys. I didn't know it was there until I started research for Heart). I have to learn to discard it and put the effort in to ensure I don't accidentally write that into the story as a subtextual message, and that isn't easy, but I'm learning. And so long as I keep learning, eventually I will overcome it and by nature learn to see and create even deeper into the gears of this clock I am just beginning to craft- and all the others I haven't started and haven't finished and haven't yet come across but will in the future.

I hope this analogy makes some sense.

Discussions of what "counts" as "canon" queer representation fall apart the second you start talking about media older than about five years or so. If your only metric for "canon queerness" is a character looking directly into the camera and explaining their identity in specific, modern, US-American-English terminology, you're not going to get a good picture of what queer media looks like. If your barometer for what counts as "canon" requires two characters of the same gender to kiss on-screen, you're not going to get a good picture of what queer media looks like.

Dr. Septimus Pretorius (portrayed by Ernest Thesiger in 1935's Bride of Frankenstein) was never going to look directly into the camera and explain his sexuality in 2024 terms, but he remains an icon in queer media history. You cannot look at that character (blatantly queer-coded in the manner of the time, played by a queer man in a film directed by another queer man) and tell me that he isn't a part of queer media history.

To be honest, even when discussing modern queer media, I would argue that the popular idea of what "counts" as "canon" is very narrow and flawed. I've seen multiple posts in the past few days that say the Nimona movie is "implied" trans representation, and I just...no, y'all, it's not "implied," it's an allegory. The entire damn movie is about transgender struggle, and the original comic is deeply tied into N.D. Stevenson's own queer journey. It isn't subtle. You cannot look at that movie and pretend that it isn't about trans struggle. It's blatant, and to say that Nimona "isn't canonically trans" is a take that misses the story's entire message, and the blatant queerphobia that almost kept the movie from happening. (I wrote a five thousand word essay about the topic.)

Queer themes, queer coding, queer exploration, and queer representation can all exist in a piece of media that doesn't seem to have "canon queer characters" on the surface. Most queer characters are never going to be able to explicitly state their specific identity labels, be it due to censorship or just due to the fact that scenes like that don't fit in some narratives. Some stories aren't conducive to a big "so what's your identity?" scene.

Explicit, undeniable, "this is my identity in no uncertain terms" scenes are very important and radical, and I'm not saying they shouldn't ever exist. I am saying that you can't consider those scenes the only way for queerness in a piece of media to be "canon."

#long post #media literacy

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angelltheninth · 2 days ago

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When Arcane Men Get Jealous

Pairing: Viktor, Jayce, Ekko, Vander, Silco, Finn, Marcus, Loris, Steb x Fem!Reader

Tags: fluff, jealousy, possessive behavior, being protective, kissing in public, biting, holding hands, public display of affection, canon typical violence, suggestive

Ko-Fi | Rules | Fandoms and Characters | Commissions

A/N: Would die if they were jealous over me. Melt into a puddle. Gone.

When Viktor gets jealous he gets a bit more withdrawn than he usually is. Not that he was ever a social butterfly, however he was always more open and happy to talk when it was with you. So his behavior is odd, he even seems to get quieter whenever you walk into the room. Like he's trying to remove himself from you with silence.

"I am not avoiding you. Look, there has been a lot to do for the past week, I'm sorry if you got a bad impression but I was simply busy. If you want more company, go ask Jayce, or Skye, I'm sure they will be more than happy to entertain you, darling."

Viktor is short with his answers, saying as little as possible to minimize the amount of time he spends talking to you. Not because he doesn't want to talk to you, he loves talking to you, but if he keeps talking there's a chance he might say something he's going to regret. And end up hurting you.

"There you go again with these ridiculous accusations. You won't leave it alone will you? So now it's my fault that your project is running late? I would have been happy to help but someone was too busy talking with... you know what, nevermind. You're right, we both have a lot to do, so let's just drop this conversation and focus on work."

If you keep getting in the way of his work, Viktor will eventually come to a breaking point. Him not being able to work is only adding to his emotions, and he's never been the best at dealing with them. While he doesn't exactly yell at you, it's very rare that he ever raises his voice there's a notable frustration in his words, and pain, fear that you'd leave.

"If I'm being so unreasonable then leave. Go. Have fun. I know it's not idea to be cooped up in the lab all the time. There are so many more things to do out there. if you... want to go with other people I suppose I can't stop you, nor can I stop my own jealousy. How am I being even more unreasonable? I know you wouldn't leave me without talking about it. Look... I do not... want you to leave, working is more fun with you. But am I truly all that you want? Me? This lab? Because you're all I want. All that I can think of."

When Jayce gets jealous he keeps invading your personal space when you're around the person or people he's jealous of. His behavior is nothing innapropriate or pushy. It's just his arm around your waist, just him bringing you that drink you wanted, just him bragging about you a bit too loud and saying how much he loves you.

"You really are great, babe. How in Runterra did I ever find a beauty like you huh? What's that bashfulness for now, I always praise you, and I'm never gonna stop. You're my girl right? I can be a proud boyfriend and talk you up every once in a while."

Physical affection a big deal to Jayce and a way he shows he cares but also a giveaway to his jealousy. He holds your hand longer, his eyes flicker between you and the one he's jealous off, his smile is a bit more nervous when he has to leave you alone. Then there are his kisses, not as gentle, not a little, quick peck on the edge of your lips but a real kiss, lips pressed against yours until you let him know you need air.

"Got a bit carried away there. Ah, sorry, I can't resist you sometimes. All the time. Do you expect me to when you wear lipstick like that? Makes your lips look like they're made to be kissed. By me specifically. I'd kiss you all night long, for the rest of our lives and never get tired of it."

Jayce keeps denying that he's jealous when you bring it up in a teasing way. Logically there's no reason to get jealous, everyone knows your relationship is doing great, in fact you're hardly ever fighting and even when you are it doesn't last too long. How does he turn that part of his brain off? How can he not get jealous when all those people look at you the way he looks at you?

"They're always looking at you. How can you not notice? It's so obvious. You don't notice because... you're only looking at me? That doesn't even make sense! Of course they're looking, you're breathtaking everywhere you go. I just hope that wherever you go, you'll always take me with you, because I want to be by your side forever."

Ekko often jokes about being jealous so you don't pick up on him actually being jealous. A little jealousy is fine but not when it's getting in the way of his missions and operations with his team. He'd been a bit distracted in the past, by one of the Firelights flying too close to you, so he pushed his way between you two.

"It was the formation! Which you would have remembered if you weren't too busy chatting. Come on, Firefly, get your head in this. Otherwise you're gonna make your leader jealous. Wouldn't want that right? What if... what if you get demoted for it? Hey! Ow! I wouldn't demote you, who would listen to all my plans?"

When you have free time together Ekko makes sure to spend as much time with you as possible. If you're together all the time there's less chance that someone else will swoop in and flirt with you. He would never describe his behavior as being clingy, all he wants is to spend free time with his girlfriend. That is perfectly normal behavior.

"What do you say we go out to get some food? We don't have to spend all our time here. Not like the tree is gonna burn down if we're away for a couple of hours right? Besides it's been a while since it was just you and me all alone. Miss being alone with you. Don't you miss it too?"

If the person he's jealous of ever puts you in danger in any way Ekko will go off on them. Harder than he scolded others in the past. He might let some of his jealousy show then, but he storms off, well flies off before you can talk to him. As much as he wants to be alone he also makes room for you on his hoverboard when you float down next to him.

"Shouldn't have went off on them like that. I know, you don't gotta say it, I'll say I'm sorry. Let cool off a bit. You'd think that if they were flirting with you that much they could have been looking out a bit better. I'm always looking out for you. Maybe a bit too much. Sorry if I've been weird about it lately. Would you forgive me if I took you on a romantic hoverboard ride?"

No one wants to piss off a big man like Vander by flirting with his wife. Everyone values their life and their bones too much. But... they stare at you. Quite openly actually. You see it, and you bet he sees it too. He sees everything that's happening at his bar and he won't stand for someone ogling his wife, even if he has to get aggressive about it.

"It's my damn bar, I've got the right to break the table with their heads when they're looking at ya like that. Tell ya what, a lot more people would avoid this place if I started beating up every asshole that looks at ya wrong. Only reason I don't is cause I don't want ya to be mad at me after."

He hasn't banned anyone from his bar in a very long time. Vander knows he tolerates a lot, this is Zaun, and some people don't have the best manners, that's not exactly their fault. But on the other hand if they start something with him then he will finish it. When he tells them to stop looking at you like you like you were one of Babette's workers and they get in his face he will pick them up and throw them out.

"Bastards had it coming. I tried to be nice, then they had to go and call ya names. Ain't no way in hell I'm gonna let anyone insult my wife. Not here, not on the streets, not anywhere. I went there and I wanted to talk to them, tell them to fuck the hell off, they were the ones who started getting violent. So I responded in kind."

Vander calls you over to the bar a bit more often if he sees a particular table is trying to monopolize you. He carries some of the drinks over, the food plates too, or he simply walks up behind you when one of the guys is getting flirty. Seeing his imposing, huge frame behind you, his muscles bulging, is enough to get most to back off you.

"See, darlin', I can talk things out just fine. When people are being smart about it that is. Might have to stop selling so much booze in this place, then they won't be so bold with ya. Ya are a pretty sight, I can't say otherwise. But ya are a pretty sight for me, not them, ain't that right? Mhm. I know, I'm all yer's too."

Silco never ever says he's jealous of anyone. He is the most powerful man in all of Zaun, everyone is scared of him and with good reason. As the Eye of Zaun he knows when people are looking, talking too, and might even try to touch you. Those people are often payed a not so nice visit by his men.

"I did hear about that gang, yes. It's very unfortunate that they don't know how to keep their noses where they don't belong. It's not that big of a loss on our end. There are a hundred people who can do their work, and better. All that matters is that they won't even have to think about not touching you again."

He rarely has to get his own hands dirty when he gets jealous. All it takes is him saying who the target or targets are and he makes them dissapear from Zaun. That doesn't always have to be deadly, but if they're really dumb it is. If Silco feels that you're in some kind of danger then he will keep you close by. He tries to distract you from seeing he's jealous.

"All I'm saying is that we could take a break from work. Sevika and Jinx can handle a week of it. And you and me can lock ourselves up in our home and not come out. The bedroom works perfectly fine too, if you'd rather spend our time in there. And what is it that I'm doing, darling? Jealous? You are an observant one. I wouldn't want you any other way."

The only time Silco will threaten someone in person is if that someone is bold enough to flirt with you in front of them. He can scare people within an inch of their life just by talking to them, he's not just a good businessman, and some people tend to forget that. He has Zaun in the palm of his hand, and everyone in it.

"He did not actually piss himself. Did he actually. Hm, I wasn't look at him anymore to be honest. He was spineless, surprising given he talked to you like he did. Guess he was thinking with his other head a bit too much for his own good. Why are you looking at me that way? Ah, I see. Looks like someone enjoyed watching me put a scumbag into his place a bit too much."

Since Finn isn't someone who would take anything lying down he will be damned before he sees someone coming onto his woman and not do anything about it. He might have a certain charm about him but that doesn't mean he's not ready to makes heads roll the moment when someone crosses any kind of line with you. Imaginary or otherwise.

"Hah, did you see that doll? As soon as I threw one punch he went down. All his buddies ran like rats. Left him all alone there. After all that tough talk and he couldn't even defend himself. Serves him right. He's lucky all I did was break his nose when he flirted with you. I wasn't even that far away."

Finn will make out with you in front of who ever he is jealous of just to prove a point to them. And while he has you moaning, has your head buried against his neck and your body running hot he will look at the other person and stick his tongue out at them, right before making a V with his fingers and putting his tongue between them. He's vulgar but it gets the point across very well.

"All these people looking at what's mine. Now, I can't have that right? I love that you're showing off your body, it's a great body, you know how much I love it. But sometimes I want to keep you away from prying eyes. And if I can't the least I can do is give them a show. Make them know I'm the only one who can touch you."

His jacket is a signature part of his outfit, but Finn will let you wear it. Hell, he will walk over and drape it over your shoulders while not even looking at whoever you're talking to. Sometimes they're not worth looking at when he can look at the pretty way you blush as you touch his hand that's lingering on your shoulder.

"Thought you looked a bit cold there. Keep this on all night. Later on I'll help you warm up my way, a much more fun way. Don't even worry about your perfume getting all into this, love having your scent all over me. And by tomorrow you're gonna be wearing all of my marks."

There are a lot of people in the Enforcers who tease Marcus about having such a pretty wife. He knows you're pretty, but he doesn't like that the department is noticing it so much as well. Not that there's any way for him to hide it, or that he wants you to hide it, that would be a real crime.

"I was not pouting. That is so childish. I was glaring at them. Well, they were the ones who stared first. You visit me at work, like that's such a big deal. We're married, honey, I pick you up from work too. Why is it such a big deal here? I think they're just trying to get a rise out of me."

Won't deny that he's feeling jealous or shy away from showing it. When Marcus notices any of his men flirting with you he makes them work extra hard that day, he gives them more paperwork, something that everyone hates there, or assigns them to the toughest jobs that he knows will take them days to complete. He can't help but chuckle when you visit again and they're too tired to flirt with you, they just say hello.

"What do you mean I'm picking on them? Of course not. You know how hard it is to deal with all these extra cases. Someone has to take on a few more. No, the fact that it's the same Enforcers who gave you flowers that one time has nothing to do with it. You think it does? And do you have evidence of this accusation?"

Marcus isn't shy about kissing you in front of the whole department. If that's what it takes to send them all a clear message to back off. It's always perfectly chaste kisses, but he does make sure that everyone hears him say he loves you when you leave. He smirks when eyes turn to him and he wishes them all a good rest of their day.

"Now you call me petty. All of these accusations and you still don't have any evidence. That's not a very good way to have a case. You've been keeping count have you? Oh. You... actually have been keeping count? I'm guilty? Fine, you got me, you got me. Maybe... that was a little petty of me, but I'm not sorry."

Every time Loris is jealous it's almost impossible for him to hide that fact. He's a big guy, nothing about him is easy to his, not even his emotions. And he's loud, so every time he huffs, mumbles something, or grunts you hear it. Your eyes meet and he looks away, his hand grasping yours and running his thumb over the back of your hand.

'They were staring at you a bit too much for my liking, pretty girl. If they were as tough as they pretend they were they should have held their ground more. Proves they were all bark and no bite. People like that really get on my nerves, and then they talk to my girl like she's single."

Loris invites you to have lunch with him quite often, even more often when he gets jealous of someone who works with him. Dealing with them in any other way would be unprofessional of him, and might get him in trouble. This way he gets to avoid that, avoid them, and spend a nice lunch date with you. No matter how you look at it he's the real winner here.

"Looks so good. But if you keep looking at me like that I might get hungry for something else besides the food. Just try shifting the blame on me when you know exactly how you're looking at me right now. I wouldn't risk it at work, but... if you showed up with a few hickeys on your neck it might get the rest of the department to stop flirting with you."

As much as he tries to make his jealousy go away it's not easy. Loris knows he should be an example for others, after all he had been an Enforcer for a long time, he can't just let his emotions get the better of him. Hard to keep those emotions down when they concern you. If nothing else works he will intimidate people. Easy enough for him. But he would rather that be a last resort.

"If he wasn't ready to throw fists and words at me then he shouldn't have thrown flirty words at you. He should be able to back himself up if he's gonna be saying stuff like that. All I did was pick him up and throw him outside. Hey, I might get in a bit of trouble for it, but at least he'll leave you alone from now on. I'd risk my badge for you if I have to, you know that."

Since he is the quiet type Steb shows his emotions and jealousy is one that he works hard to surpress. Every time he notices that someone is standing a little too close to you he walks over and looks at you, lovingly, then he looks at the other person with a glare, a deadly one. All the while he's standing shoulder to shoulder with you.

"Come now, angelfish, they weren't even worth your time. We both know they only had one thing in mind when they were talking to you. I could see it in their eyes. I don't appreciate that they looked at you like that. And I know you don't either. So I felt like I had to step in."

He is very physical with his jealousy. Steb lets his eyes and touches linger a few moments longer when he wants to make a point to someone. While he knows you don't hate it he also doesn't want to come off as too jealous or too possessive over you. You can take care of yourself and he loves that about you, he's watched you put people in their place often, but there are times where he can't hold himself back.

"I could feel your fingers interlocking with mine. You wanted me to stand close to you when they weren't leaving you alone. Would you have raised your voice if I hadn't walked over? It would be amusing to see it. But I think those kisses we shared also sent an equally powerful message. You didn't have to bit me though."

Steb nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck when he's feeling really, really jealous of someone. He makes it look less possessive than it is, pretending like he's overhearing something you have to say, and then pushing himself just a little bit closer. His cold lips make contact with your neck, sending shivers down your body before he brushes your lips with his thumb and leaves with a smirk.

"That ought to be enough. I could have done more but marking you in public might have been a step too far. We can enjoy things like that in private however. I enjoy being close to you in any context, and if it makes others realize you're not looking for anyone because you've already got a man then I enjoy it even more."

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tinythebunni · 2 days ago

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How bunnyprincess!reader and Rafe met!!

inspired by @rafesangelita @princessbrunette

Rafe always came to the country club on the weekends and on Wednesdays to play golf with his friends. He wore a polo every time and always had his shoes shined pristine. Rafe usually ended up winning and afterwards he’d go inside to sit by the bar or swim in the pool.

After a long and tedious match, Rafe ended up losing. He wasn’t completely locked in on the match due to the argument with Rose this morning.

Walking inside and huffing a sigh, he took off his shirt and slouched in the lounge chair with Kelce and Topper joining him. Rafe ran his hand through his sweaty buzzed hair and used his shirt to wipe his head. He closed his eyes, zoning out the stupid conversation around him.

his head was fucking pounding and their nonsensical ramblings made him even more and more irritated. pinching the bridge of his nose he sighed as he heard someone walking over to them. probably one of those fucking bartenders, he thought to himself.

Rafe was ready to just up and leave at this point but then he noticed 3 things. He could smell the sweet scent of your perfume. Smelled of cupcakes and the sugar cookies his mom would make. Your voice sounded of honey drizzling. And when he opened his eyes, his lashes flutter at how beautiful you were.

“Hai guys! The usual?” you spoke as you pulled out your notepad. your eyes did a sweep over the three guys in front of you, lingering a bit on him. Rafe was very fucking confused, he’d never seen you before and he definitely would know.

Kelce went to open his mouth but Rafe was faster than him. “What’s your name?” He spoke, sounding a little more angry than he meant to.

“Oh i’m sorry if i interrupted your nap, i just know that these two like to-“ He cut you off once more.

“Forget about it bun, ‘m not worried bout it. last fucking thing on my mind right now.”

you blushed and blinked, wide eyed. You told him your name, pen resting on your lip as you looked at him. He introduced himself to you and stood. he towered over you, which was unusual. being tall yourself, you often felt like a giant compared to most guys on the island.

Rafe smirked at your reaction, a laugh bubbling out his throat. You could sense the God inside him, aching to be let out. Maybe you were a bit dramatic but you’re just a teenage girl!

Stepping closer to you, he put his hand on your hip and turned you so that you were right next to him. He slid his hand to the small of your back, whispering a quick come with me to you before turning around and smiling at the boys.

“Rafe come on! Ya can’t keep stealing the pretty girls.” Topper yelled in exasperation, throwing his hands up.

Rafe chuckled before saying something that made your heart flutter. “You don’t gotta worry bout that no more. I want to keep this one. Make her mine and all that” he replied.

As he lead you away to a table in the corner, he asked you little questions. Mainly about your love life, what you were doing at this bar. “girl like you should never have to work. too pretty for all that shit” He added, watching as you glanced down as if your shoes were the most interesting thing in the world.

his thumb tilted your head up and you looked away nervously. “Hey hey. none of that shit. Look at me.” You did as he said, not wanting to lose his attention. “you should have someone providing for you. So you can do all that girly shit yall like and not worry about it.” He watched as you smiled, eating up your reaction. His tounge darts out to swipe at his bottom lip before he speaks again.

“I could be that for you. All my money just rots in my fucking bank account anyways. You want me to be that for you? Could be your boyfriend. Keep your tummy full, nails done, and make you feel good. Whenever you need it.” His words made you flush, your chest blooming with nerves and anxiety. But in the best way possible.

You nodded, your eyes a bit glossy at the casual dominance. You’d always been one to prefer when people take charge about certain things. And this? it was perfect. “Yea. I’d really like dat Rafe.” You stepped closer, making a move. You placed your hand on his chest and stood on your tip toes to kiss his cheek. “Can you wait for me to finish my shift? It’s over in 30 and I wanna talk to you more” you pouted trying to win him over as you regained your confidence.

“Fuck yea!” he said a little too excited. “I mean, yea yea for sure.” he corrected, nodding his head and he turned on his heel. You watched him walk away, noticing the slight bounce in his step.

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tarotbydelilah444 · 1 day ago

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pac: your future spouse

pile one

personality

judgement + six of swords + four of swords

Your future spouse is someone that is very popular. They could be well-known in their community, or they have a lot of close friends.

Your future spouse is very family-orientated. They could be extremely close to their family, and they may often think heavily about having a family one day. They desire to one day have a big family of their own.

Your future spouse may struggle to slow down in their daily lives. They are always on the go, never knowing when to stop and take a break. They are very determined and resilient.

Your future spouse displays the characteristics of a extrovert and introvert (ambivert). They like to socialize and can possibly enjoy being around others. They are very outgoing and enjoying meeting new people. They are also someone who doesn’t mind having alone time and taking the back sit to listen and observe others.

Your future spouse is relatively laid back. They have a very calm, yet peaceful demeanor. They are likely someone who needs peace and quiet, or simply time alone to reflect from time to time, so try not to take it personally, and allow them to come to you when they are ready. You could probably perceive your spouse at detached and cold at times, but it’s mostly because they value time alone to reflect. They are not one to argue, they rather take space, and think over the situation from a logical standpoint and come back to revisit the situation from a calmer and rational standpoint with solutions on how resolve issues and conflict.

Your future spouse is very well-rounded. They are very interested in learning from different places and situations. They love to travel, or have traveled to many places in their lifetime before meeting you.

They are very resilient and accept challenges with grace. They are not one to dwell on their issues, but whether likes to problem solve and learn from their experiences. This person appreciates self-reflection or the idea of constantly improving themselves. They rarely like to stay the same, and always open to whatever changes life brings their way.

Your person is definitely a natural born leader. Your person understands their personal power and are able to inspire those to follow them. Your person has a silent, yet commanding presence and confidence that can be seen as intimidating, yet intriguing. They definitely embody “alpha” male or dominant energy.

Your future spouse is very intelligent, sociable, and a great communicator. They value and appreciate communication. They enjoy being stimulated intellectually and enjoy picking people’s brains. They can be rather detached and aloof at times. They are a very rational person, they rely on logical reasoning rather than depending on emotions when it comes to dealing with any situation thrown their way. They could even sometimes be an over-thinker and often deal with their emotions by internalizing them. They may even struggle with anxiety, stress, depression, or may struggle with their mental health.

their astrological sign

This can apply to their sun, moon, rising, venus, or mars in their chart. This can also apply for synastry as well.

Cancer

Leo

Sagittarius

Capricorn

Gemini

Libra

Aquarius

Scorpio, Plutonian influence / aspects, 8th house placements

Air Dominant

Pisces, Neptunian influence / aspects / 12th house placements

physical appearance

three of wands • knight of swords • page of cups

Your future spouse is very attractive, or seen as conventionally attractive. They could have softer to slightly angular features.

Your future spouse’s hair stands out, so they could have a unique texture, style, or length, or hair color. For some, they could have locs or a faded haircut.

Their eye color could range from hazel, brown, dark brown, to grey with long beautiful lashes.

Tall in stature, or can appear taller (longer legs with a long torso).

Your future spouse is of mixed heritage or has an ambiguous appearance.

Your future spouse has a muscular or toned figure. They take great pride in their physical appearance. Your future spouse likes to workout, stay active, and is even health conscious, or mindful of what they consume.

Your person has a casual or laid back aesthetic / style, but they always look stylish and appear as they take care of their appearance. They may like neutral to darker tone colors, like blue, white, and black. They may enjoy wearing more athleisure clothes, informal, yet comfortable clothes, like t-shirts, jeans, sneakers, or smart casual style. They are very creative when it comes to styling themselves, or their style could be seen as creative, or they know how to make their style more unique and right for them at the same time. I am also picking up a bookish aesthetic , so this person has an academia/preppy style. They could wear glasses to make themselves appear more intelligent, even though they are without them.

Your future spouse is relatively younger in age, or they have a very youthful appearance, even if they are the same age as you or older when you meet.

They could have a very mysterious, detached, and aloof appearance when you first meet them. They could have a RBF, or can seem a bit standoffish or nonchalant upon your initial meeting, but deep down this person is very much a sweetheart and loving as you get to know them.

their love languages

five of pentacles • strength • knight of cups

Your future spouse seems to embody most of the five love languages when it comes to expressing their love for / to you, and how they want you to express their love to them, but these are a few of their main love languages.

gift giving

Your future spouse will want to show their love for you by buying you gifts. They will buy you things that you have had your eye on for quite some time, or even buy you things that remind them of you. Expect flowers, buying your favorite snacks / foods, following you around Target, Ulta, Sephora, carrying your items in the cart for countless hours, and end up paying for everything in your basket. Everyday will feel like Valentine’s Day with them.

words of affirmation

Your future spouse will try their best to compliment you, or even saying encouraging words to you in good and bad times, specifically when you are feeling down. They will know just the right words to say to help you feel motivated and like yourself again. They will tell you how proud they are of you, how grateful they are for you, how special you are to them, giving you the strength to keep going. This person will send you “good morning texts, or even so as much to write you a letter/poem, expressing their love for you. Telling you how beautiful you look and constantly gassing you up. Pouring love and life into you endlessly.

quality time

Your future spouse will want to spend quality time together. They will almost always want to have you to themselves. They will schedule date nights or even random romantic getaways, so the two of you can focus on each other and making the love that you share stronger. They will always be down to try new things with you and be invested in anything you do. They definitely crave intimacy with you, so expect a lot of deep conversations, looking deeply into each other’s eyes, laughter, and smiles as you connect on an intimate level.

their profession

king of pentacles & the lovers

Your future spouse is very passionate about their job. Your future spouse loves their job or the particular career path they are in. They feel like the career that they are currently at when you meet them is/was apart their purpose or is something they were always meant to do.

For some, your future spouse could have a career in the following:

Actor / Actress

Singer / Musician

Advertiser

Dancer

Influencer / YouTuber

Athlete / Sports Agent

Works with children

Teacher / Professor

Professions that requires a PhD, master’s degree, or certification

Lawyer

Judge

Truck driver / Chauffeur / Mechanic /

Salesperson / Telemarketer

Traveling advisor / Agent

Counselor

Accountant (CPA) / financing / Stockbroker

Writer

Your future spouse could be an entrepreneur, so they could own their own business, but I do see that they could work with another person, like a business partner. This could be a friend of theirs, coworker, family (brother, sister, mother, father, etc) . They could also go into business with you, if it resonates. If your future spouse doesn’t own their own business, then they work at a firm or corporate job, where they could be a manager, supervisor, CEO, or even a COO. Your future spouse is very hardworking. They do not take any shortcuts when it comes to his/her line of work. They are ambitious and disciplined, which has helped them reach their career goals and achieve longevity in their career. They are very confident, dependable, charismatic, successful, patient, and business savvy. They seem to make great amount of money and is able to live a comfortable and possibly luxurious lifestyle before and after meeting you. Your future spouse may be required to travel for work.

how will they treat you

Your future spouse is a complete gentleman, very chivalrous. They are the type to open the door for you, walk on the opposite side of the street, offer to pay the bill, carry your things, and treat you with respect like the lady you are. They have a very masculine presence to them, so this person will definitely wear the pants in the relationship, but not in an ultra toxic masculinity way. They believe in being an old-fashioned gentlemen, someone who provides for and protects his lady and his family. A leader who knows what he wants and someone that you can follow with certainty and confidence and also be someone that you can look up to.

two of cups + ace of swords

Your person will be absolutely in love with you. You are not only the love of their life, but you are their best friend. They trust, love, respect, and adore you all at once. Your person will always ensure that you always feel loved and that you never have to question their intentions, they will always be honest and upfront with you, so there is no room for any doubts or concerns. They also have a high emotional intelligence, so they will try their best to resolve any misunderstandings, try their best to understand your feelings, properly manage their emotions in every situation, and listen to your concerns. They will always strive to keep this connection together, no matter what the both of you go through, they would rather go through it with you together than alone.

the hierophant + six of cups

Your future spouse has a conventional sense of love and relationships. Your future spouse values stability and will try their best to ensure that you and them go the long haul. They are a provider, so they feel as that it is their duty to provide for you and give you everything you could ever need and want, and they take great pride in being able to support and provide for you in anyway they can. They envision building a long and happy future with you. They want spend every moment of their lives with you, creating long-lasting memories that the two of you can reminisce when you are old and grey. The movie, The Notebook comes to mind as I channel. You are this person home, their safehaven, and their safety net. If you two plan to have children in the future, they are eager to have a huge family with you. They feel like you two would make excellent and loving parents. They see as someone that they can grow with and learn from. For some, your future spouse could be very religious as well, so this is how they was brought up that will determine how they will treat you.

queen of swords + the emperor

Your future spouse will be fiercely protective of you. They will be as your own personal security wherever you go. Your safety and level of comfortability matters to your person and is their upmost priority. They will never allow anyone to disrespect you by any means. They are loyal to you to a fault and will always be there for you when you need them and fighting by your side against the obstacles that come your way. They also will value your opinion and guidance, and be there for you when you are in need of guidance and support. Your future spouse also values your opinions and will likely come to you when they need guidance or advice.

their sexual style

I am not going to lie, your future spouse gives me heavy Christian Grey or even Massimo Torricelli vibes. They are pretty intense and embodies the “classic dom” vibe with ease. You will find them to be intimidating, yet intriguing. Your future spouse’s sexual style is very controlled, dark, and kinky in nature. They prefer to be in control when it comes to sex, no matter what. “I’m the boss” is what I intuitively heard. They want to be one in command, never the other way around. The only time they will ever fall to their knees is when it comes to pleasuring you. They are determined to have whatever they want and it must be to their liking and standards at all times. I do sense they will likely choose what they want you to wear and simply want you to always look your best for them, and only them. Your future spouse is very composed and chivalrous. They will always treat you with the upmost respect in public, but behind those bedroom doors, lies a different story. “Welcome to my Pride Lands” is what I intuitively heard. Once you enter into their world, there is no turning back, and you will automatically belong to them and obey their every command. I also get the feeling that your future spouse likes your innocence, this can be your lack of experience or you have this essence of “innocence” to you that they find not only appealing, but something they need to protect for some reason. It’s kinda difficult for me to understand, as I channeled the message, but that is what I picked from their energy. They like how modest you are, you stand out amongst any other person they have ever been with in the past . “It’s different with you”. It’s something about you that makes this person want to be a better version of themselves for you. I intuitively thought of Beauty and the Beast, and how Belle was able to change the Beast’s heart because she saw beyond his ferocious and cold nature, and able to bring out a much gentler and compassionate side out of him. You have somehow managed to tame their inner beast.

keywords

wining & dining • Under The Influence by Chris Brown • bondage / bdsm • lipstick stains • everything about you is scrumptious, I love how you taste on my lips and tongue • I want you in the worst way • High For This by The Weeknd • “i find you to be intoxicating” • surrender yourself to me • pain & pleasure • safe words • trust me, I would never hurt you • office sex • hung • reciprocal and mutual effort • handcuffs • Playing Dangerous by Lana Del Rey • fantasy girl • Stargirl Interlude by The Weeknd ft Lana Del Rey • make a good girl turn bad • mascara running & smeared lipstick • lingerie / slip dress • silky sheets • Dance For You by Beyoncé • escapism • all is fair in love and war • anal play • “I want to feel your guts” • “who’s in control” • fighting their urges • Private Show by T.I. ft Chris Brown • love and honor you as a wife, but fuck you like a mistress • the art of seduction • releasing inhibitions • lady in the streets, freak in the sheets • conquest • S&M by Rihanna • “who’s your daddy” • sexual tension • Wild Side by Normani • harmonizing / in sync with one another • drunk sex • student and professor • First Fuck by 6lack ft Jhené Aiko • begging and longing for me • hot candle wax • boss & secretary • dolled up for me • recreating porn scenes • Dreams, Fairytales, and Fantasies by ASAP Ferg ft Brent Faiyaz • NDA • temperatures rising • intense stares • bending over the desk • foot fetish • Fifty Shades Darker (movie) • foot jobs • asphyxiation kink • rich sex • fucked senselessly • “all good comes to those that wait” • our little secret • high standards • power struggles • survival of the fittest • Ain’t Love ft Blackbear • Scandal (tv show) • don’t kiss and tell • In the Closet by Michael Jackson • Romantic Lover by Eyedress • grabbing by the waist • until the last man stands • playboy • Bambi eyes • “your body is a work of art” • Wolf on Wall Street (nursery scene) • sex by the fireplace • kiss on the hand • deep penetration • voice like an angel • show no mercy • Daphne & Simon (Bridgerton) • pinning your arms down above your head • looking up at you as they eat you out • “don’t cum, until I tell you to” • jazz music as we slow dance in the dark • “is this okay” • Partition by Beyoncé • burying your head in the pillow • Get On Your Knees Ariana Grande ft Nicki Minaj • lap dance • Whatever You Want by Tony Toni Toné • subtle whispers • ripped shirts and stockings • grind on me • waking up soar • keep up with me • “I fuck hard” • legs over the shoulders • dragging their thumb across your pretty little lips • fuck you in the mirror • elevator scene (Fifty Shades Darker) • biting lips • punish me • “you see right through me” • Purple Kisses by The Dream • Hades & Persephone

pile two

personality

four of wands • the devil • wheel of fortune (rx) • ace of cups

Your future spouse is very free spirited. This person doesn’t like to follow the rules, they rather go with flow and march to the beat of their own drum. They love a good time and are very spontaneous, always down to do something fun and exciting.

Your future spouse is a happy-go-lucky. They are someone that is always happy or always seems to have a smile on their face. You will rarely see them sad, and if they are sad, they will never show it, or find a way to make themselves happy again.

Your future spouse has the gift of gab, they are very sociable and can socialize for hours. They can be a bit of an instigator and often can be a bit of a gossip at times, which can sometimes get them into trouble.

Your future spouse is the life of the party. They love to have fun and will always bring happiness and excitement wherever they go. Your own personal hype man/woman.

Your future spouse is very independent and enjoys their freedom. They could be their own boss, because they don’t like to be told what to do by anyone and tied down to one specific thing.

Your future spouse can be a bit excessive at times. They can overindulge in many things that can lead them to making reckless decisions and losing control of themselves. They are the “go big or go home” type of person.

Your future spouse may have control issues, they feel need to have control over people, things, and situations in their life. They don’t like change and highly stubborn against their own benefit. This person could struggle to change their ways because they simply aren’t ready to change or hate the idea of starting over.

Your future spouse could struggle with some inner demons when you meet them. They have a lot of unresolved issues from their past that they have not released and healed which makes them act in negative ways. This person will possibly have to do some maturing and growing before they married you, or they will be working through these issues before or after meeting you.

Your future spouse beyond their inner darkness, they are truly a sweet and caring person. They have the biggest heart that often gets taken for granted. They are very empathetic and kind to others. They are also a very creative and intuitive being. They can also be a bit emotional and sensitive at times.

Your future spouse is athletic or loves to stay active.

their astrological sign

This can apply to their sun, moon, rising, venus, or mars in their chart. This can also apply to synastry as well.

Capricorn

Sagittarius / Jupiterian influence + dominant, 9th house placements

Aries

Leo

Cancer

Pisces

Taurus

Virgo

Scorpio

Libra

Gemini

physical appearance

three of swords (rx) • king of cups • ace of cups

Your future spouse is very attractive. They get attention from many people, and many people may find them very attractive, this could be appearance wise, or something about their personality that makes people gravitate to them. They also attract a lot of jealously from others that may envy their physical appearance.

This person may be African American. They have a medium to darker complexion.

Your future spouse has an amazing body. They have slim, yet trim physique. They could have a six pack with toned legs and arms. They enjoy playing sports and they are very active. They can be average or tall in height.

Your future person could have the appearance of a heartbreaker, even if they are not a heartbreaker. They are perceived as they could break a lot of people’s hearts, or the stereotypical “bad boy” look. Your person has a “heartthrob” look to him like that are common in those romcoms movies and tv shows. I channeled Aaron Pierre. Your future spouse could have green or hazel eyes. If not that, there is something about their eyes that is captivating (shape, or their gaze). They could have a nice & short neat cut to longer hair. They could have light or darker hair, this could be their natural hair color, or they may have dyed it. They may also have facial hair, this could range from peach fuzz, a mustache, or a goatee.

Your future spouse could be a bit older than you. They have a mature or wise-looking appearance, even if they are young in age. They appear as if they have a lot of wisdom or knowledge to share. People can easily trust your future spouse. They have an approachable or friendly vibe. They have a warm and inviting smile. A sparkle or glimmer in their eyes, and a calm and laidback presence.

Your future spouse’s aesthetic could be very masculine. Your future spouse could like a style that allows them to feel free and active, so they could like sporty clothing, or even clothing that makes them look intimidating or even make them feel empowered. I’m channeling ripped jeans, basic tees, leather/biker jacket, varsity jackets, jerseys). They may like clothing that allows them to show off the defined parts of their body. They may like more reddish and darker-toned clothing. They still have a laid-back, yet rugged aesthetic going on.

They could wear glasses, this could be prescribed or just for aesthetic purposes.

their love languages words of affirmation

Your future spouse is big on communication, so words of affirmations is one of their most displayed love language. A “snake charmer” is what I heard. They will likely send you “good morning” text, words of encouragement, a voice note, or even check on you throughout the day. They may even call you before they go to work, while they are on break, or even call you on their way home. You live rent free in your future spouse’s mind. They often daydream or think about you throughout their day, just waiting for the day to end to see you and be in your lovely presence once more. They will ask you about your day and want to tell you about theirs, especially if they had a bad day or if you had a bad day. “I just needed to hear your voice”. Your person loves to hear your voice, as it puts them at ease every time they hear it. They are so supportive and attentive that they will stay up all night to allow you to vent and release some of that unnecessary stress, if they have to

acts of service

Your future spouse may like to cook, so they will cook breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the two of you. I’m channeling “breakfast in bed”, so your future spouse will cook you breakfast while you rest in the bed. Cooking is a way they like to express their love and care for you as they believe that “food is a way to a person’s heart and stomach”. I channeled your future spouse surprising you with your favorite food, or even cooking so you don’t have to after a busy and stressful day/week. They may even want to cook together, so don’t worry they will teach you the basics and help throughout the way, so you don’t hurt or make a fool of yourself. They will also cook for you when you are feeling sick to nourish you back to health and after sex to allow you to regain your energy and strength.

quality time

Your future spouse is quite possessive when it comes to you. They want you all to themselves. It’s funny because I’m channeling an image of your future spouse looking like a child being dropped off on their first day of school, begging and crying for their parents to not leave them. They aren’t literally crying, but I see that they long to be with you all the time. I’m also channeling an image of them watching you in amazement as you sleep before they go to work. They feel quite sad when they aren’t in your presence (they may have separation anxiety), so they hate being away from you too long or they start to feel like they are going crazy without you. Your future spouse’s heart and soul bleeds and longs for you more than you will ever know. They like to memorize the way you looked, how you smelled, and how you felt before they depart, as a way of keeping that memory of you alive in their head throughout their day, as a reminder that the two of you will be reunited very soon.

physical touch

Your future spouse also loves and appreciate physical touch. They remind me of a “golden retriever”, they are going to be all over you because they miss and love you so fucking much, it’s so cute to imagine. They are so affectionate and frisky. They won’t be able to keep their hands off you, if you know what I mean. They are the type to randomly smack and grab your butt, hug you from behind and kiss you on your neck, and give you massages, hugging you tightly like they are afraid to let you go. I intuitively heard, “Like I’m Gonna Lose You” by Meghan Trainor. Just being in your presence brightens their day and makes them so happy, and excited (literally & sexually speaking). I’m channeling an image of the two of you cuddling on the couch or bed, watching a movie, and suddenly losing interest in the movie, as the two of you begin to caress and have a passionate makeout session, that will lead to some well-deserved and enjoyable sex. Hope you are not afraid of a little PDA because your future spouse won’t hesitate showing their love and affection in public, I’m hearing “anytime and anyplace”.

their profession

eight of swords • two of cups

Your future spouse has a career that focuses on helping people work through their insecurities, fears, heal their wounds /traumas. Your future spouse’s career has in a sense help them face and heal their own insecurities, fears, and inner wounds. Your person is very compassionate, empathetic and very likable in their career. They can get along with anyone and always willing to help others in need, they may have people pleasing tendencies, or have a hard time saying no to others. Your future spouse is very in tuned with their masculine and feminine energies. They have great and adequate emotional intelligence. They have a natural ability to understand and understand what people need on an emotional level. They are credited for transforming many people’s lives in some way.

For some, your future spouse could have a career in the following:

Licensed therapists

Psychiatrists / Psychologists

Cosmologist / Cosmetics surgeon

Sex therapist

Spiritual counselor

Speech pathologist

Motivational speaker

Massage therapist / chiropractor

Barber

Personal Trainer

Social worker

Dentist

Guidance counselor / School Counselor

Teacher / Professor

how will they treat you

Your future spouse is humorous or a jokester. They will always find a way to put a huge smile on your face, even when the both of you have a falling out whether that’s telling you a corny joke or doing something completely silly that will make hard for you to stay mad at them for too long. Your future spouse is so nurturing and caring. They vowed to always be there for you in any way they can. I’m seeing, if you get sick or during your menstrual, they will literally go into doctor mode by making you soup, tea, buying your favorite snacks, cooking meals, doing housework, preparing a bath for you, and even giving you massages to make you feel better. They will literally risk their own health to make sure that you are taken care of first. I’m hearing, “You are my number 1 priority.” 🥹 Your person will never abandon you when you need them the most. Your person would literally give up their lung, kidney, and heart, if they had to. I’m channeling the movie, “Five Feet Apart”. They would give up their life for you in a heartbeat. Travel & adventure is another big deal for your person. They love to explore different places, and cultures. They may desire to experience traveling with you to different countries, cities, states, and continents. For some, you or your future spouse could come from different backgrounds (race/ethnicity, religion, nationality, etc) and the both of you will be interested in learning more about each others cultures, creating a bonding and learning experience for the both of you. Your future spouse is a problem solver, so they will like to resolve any issues and conflict that may come up in the relationship. They much rather talk over things than to go to bed angry. I heard, “I can’t sleep without my best friend”. This person dislikes negativity or when there’s conflict. They will want to immediately work it out and move forward with you, instead of holding onto resentment and anger. It’s giving, “I’m a lover, not a fighter”. Like I legit see you and your future spouse in bed, and you scoot away from them, out of pettiness, they will just pull you closer to them. I just heard “Even if you are mad at me, you still going put your leg around my leg”. They can’t sleep in peace when their “baby” is mad at them.

six of cups + eight of pentacles

Your future spouse will always put in effort to make this connection last for forever. I’m channeling Natalie Cole, “This Will Be ( An Everlasting Love). Your future spouse understands that love requires teamwork, sacrifice, effort, and dedication, and they will try their absolute best everyday to be consistent, no matter what. Your future spouse will feel like you are their “soulmate” and you are the missing piece that they have been searching and trying to reconnect with for their entire lives. You are this person’s rib. They are in love love with you and they want to spend the rest of their lives with you, creating beautiful memories with you by their side. You will bring so much joy and happiness into your person’s life and they absolutely grateful for your presence in their lives. You heal their inner child and you make them feel loved, safe, and valued, and they always want to return that love and safety in return. They are the type to bring flowers home and pull you in for a long kiss and embrace after work, asking you how your day went, and refusing to be away from you for not a moment longer. The two will be each others’ best friend.

ace of wands + the empress

Your person loves to see you naked. They love everything about your body and find everything about you to be absolutely beautiful and breathtaking . If the two of you don’t have kids at the moment, they will want to get you pregnant ASAP! Your person will not be able to keep their hands to themselves and will want you all for themselves. The relationship that you share with your future spouse reminds me of ASAP Rocky and Rihanna. The sexual tension and chemistry is evident and it’s almost as if no one in the room matters or even exists, but the two of you, like all the two you have to do is lock eyes and it’s immediately time for the two of you to head home to make some passionate love-making. Beside, having the hots for you, I see that you inspire this person to always be a better version of themselves, you bring so much excitement and enthusiasm into their life that they have never felt before. They also intend to inspire you to go after whatever you want in life and to challenge you to become a better version of yourself, as you do for them. Your future spouse treasures you like precious jewels. You are literally the apple of this person’s eye and they want to always shower you with their love and affection that you are deserving of. If they could give you the whole world, they would. “If This World Were Mine” by Luther Vandross ft Cheryl Lynn came to mind.

eight of cups (rx) + chariot

Your person will never give up on you and the love that you share, no matter what obstacles stand in the way. They are willing to always fight by your side through thick and thin because you mean so much to them. You inspire this person to drop their guard to be vulnerable, in ways that no one has ever managed to do. You make them want to take risks that they have never considered before or may have been hesitant about in the past. You inspire this person to confront difficult situations and challenges instead of running away from issues. You make them stronger in ways that they didn’t think they were capable of being resilient. You give them strength to overcome their fears and weaknesses.

their sexual style

Your future spouse’s sexual style is a mixture of many different things. They are pretty adaptable to whatever you are in to. “I’m just here to please you, baby” is what I heard. They are quite vocal about what their sexual needs are and what they expect in the bed room, and they expect you to be the same with them, telling them exactly how they can satisfy your every desire. They know exactly how to switch it up and make the experience magical and memorable. They can be nice and slow, one minute and then rough and fast, the next minute, when it’s necessary. Sex with them will be a total mind-fuck and a regenerative experience. I’m hearing, “this d*ck / p*ssy will change your life”. They are so ballsy, but they are determined to be the only one that can satisfy and handle you like no other person has ever been able to do. They want to make you forget all about those other guys or girls, they don’t exist nor do they matter. I literally see a scenario of them digging deep into you and asking you “who this p*ssy belong to you” and going deeper and deeper until admit and submit to them fully. Best I Ever Had by Drake came to mind. Your future spouse is truly full of surprises, so don’t expect the same things twice. I sense they like the idea of “catching you off guard” and getting right down to business. “Anywhere and Anytime” is what I intuitively heard. They are always wanting to try something new and exciting. They love anything that will give them a rush or an exhilarating feeling. Sex on the balcony. Sex on the beach. Sex on the kitchen counter. Sex in the parking lot. Sex pretty much anywhere, in every single position. There is no limit in the name of pleasure, when it comes to them. Take it if resonates, but your future spouse might have a sex addiction, or maybe they just enjoy and love “sex” in general. I intuitively heard, Freak Like Me by Adina Howard. They need it on a daily basis, if possible. I also channeled that if you and them get into an argument or disagreement, they just going “f*ck the attitude right out of you”. lol, I literally heard, “I love angry sex, that shit turns me on even more”. Not the most healthiest way to solve conflict, but sometimes, they think you just need “to get some” to straighten you out and all will be well in the world. Happy wife, happy life! Your future spouse is so funny, like they don’t to take nothing too seriously. Your future spouse is not really the type to talk about their honest feelings. I think it makes them uncomfortable to express their deep emotions. “I can show you more than I can tell you”. They like for the sex to be fun and playful, lots of roughhousing, flirting, laughter, dirty talking, and eye contact to fill the space. After the two of you climax and come undone, I do see that they definitely want to cuddle, while running their fingers through your hair and leaving trails of kisses from your lips to your spine. Talking about each experience afterwards, to get your input on what you liked and disliked and how the two of you can improve for the next time. Although they love to keep it fun and exciting in between the sheets, your person deeply values your opinion and cares about your boundaries in regards to sex, so don’t be shy to communicate your needs and concerns with them ever.

keywords

talking you through it • Earned It by The Weeknd • insatiable appetite • getting it in everyday • I Put A Spell On You by Nina Simone • spanking scene (Fifty Shades of Grey) • giver • “making you feel good, makes me feel good” • healing sex • Erykah Badu effect • boosting my ego • neck grabs and passionate makeout session • Whatever She Want by Bryson Tiller • blindfolding • nobody got sh*t on you • Best in the World Russ ft Bia • tease me • dirty talk • “i love hearing you moan and scream my name” • Big Poppa by Biggie • fingering • “I aim to please” • figuring out what turns you on • Favorite by Nicki Minaj ft Jeremiah • “so what if we get caught” • playing mind games • predator & prey • pillow talk • “I’ll fix that smart mouth of yours” • arguing to fucking • voyeurism • Her Way by PND • multiple orgasms • astral projecting • quickies • Good Love by Anita Baker • around the world • foreplay • Kiss It Better by Rihanna • cuddling after sex • “so tight for me” • No Chill by PND • “that’s it baby, just like that” • “my little slut” swapping roles • Tempo by Chris Brown • ice play • tactile sensations • “just for me” • Final Fantasy by Drake • christening the whole house • mutual masturbation • Mine by Beyoncé ft Drake • sex in random places • Jason’s Lyric (movie) • ass smacking / grabbing • pet names • role-playing • overstimulation • “I know you can take it all” • head game goes crazy • Wildest Dreams by Taylor Swift • Orion’s Belt by Sabrina Claudio • energizer bunny • “I like a little challenge” • Ego by Beyoncé • “you fucking with the best” • sit back and enjoy the show • let me take you to ecstasy • Kundalini awakening • edging • Make Me Proud by Drake ft Nicki Minaj • body worship / praise • The Afternoon by Blackbear • sucking on fingers • studying your facial reactions in awe • French kissing • fingers in my back • gripping the sheets • grips on the thighs, hips, and ass • back scratches • smack prints on the ass • In Those Jeans by Ginuwine • Bed Rock by Young Money ft Lloyd • Smooth Operator by Sade

pile three

personality

queen of pentacles • the sun • king of pentacles

Your future spouse’s personality is similar to the qualities of a wolf. They are loyal, territorial, intuitive, a leader, protective, and intelligent. They display healthy alpha male vibes and understand and know the power that they possess. Your future spouse is very sure of themselves and who they are. They know their worth and will never chase after anything because they know that what is meant for them will always come to them in due time.

Your future spouse is family oriented. They love their family for some. They may be the oldest, if they have siblings, or they are perceived to be very reliable and dependable by their family members. They desire to have a family one day. For some, your future spouse may have a strained or difficult relationship with his mother in some way.

Your future spouse is very conscious of their physical appearance. They are very put together and always will take great pride in their appearance, because they believe that appearances matter. They can be a bit self-absorbed or vain at times, but they know how to maintain a healthy balance to keep it under control. They also have a strong and healthy sense of self.

Your future spouse is extremely extroverted, they love to socialize and be around people of all walks of life. They get along with people pretty well and seem to be liked and envied by many who want to be like them, or possess what they have. Their personality is highly magnetic, warm, friendly, and larger than life. They are confident, optimistic, and have an infectious attitude. People naturally gravitate towards your person, they never have to try too hard to stand out.

Your person is very refined, mature, reliable, generous, nurturing, supportive, hardworking, trustworthy, wise, down to earth, humble, and patient person. They are strongly in tune with their masculine and feminine side, a very balanced individual. They can be a bit of a homebody at times, and prefer things to be grounded and balanced at times. They may have going through some challenges and hardships throughout their lives, but they never allowed the pain and discomfort that they endured to keep them from having an optimistic outlook on life.

Your person is very in tuned with their emotions. They can be a bit emotional than what they portray at first. They prefer to keep their emotions under wraps until they have established a stable and secure relationship with people in their lives. Once, they are comfortable with the people in their lives, they can be quite clingy / golden retriever qualities.

Your person is a powerful manifestor. They are able to manifest things they want in their lives through speaking, chanting, guided meditation or through scripting.

their astrological sign

This can apply for their sun, moon, rising, venus, and mars. This can apply to synastry as well.

Aries

Taurus, Venusian influence / dominant, 2nd house

Virgo

Capricorn

Leo placements, 1st house, Sun influence / dominant

Cancer, 4th house placements, Lunar influence / dominant

Scorpio, 8th house placements, Plutonian / Martian influence / dominant

Sagittarius, 9th house placements, Jupiterian influence / dominant

Aquarius

Libra or 7th house placements

Pisces

Gemini

physical appearance

the star • page of pentacles • the empress

Your future spouse’s hair color could range anywhere between blonde, red, light brown, to dark brown hair. They could have a type 1 or fine hair (fine to thin or thick to course).

Your future spouse can have hazel eyes, brown, or grey eyes. They have very beautiful and noticeable eyes, whether that’s the color or the shape of their eyes. They have a hypnotic and mesmerizing look in their eyes that will have you swooning and hooked, as if they are looking into your soul.

Your future spouse has a big or sizable package. If their genitalia is not big, they have aesthetically pleasing genitalia to look at. They are quite fertile.

Your future spouse can be short in height to average height.

Your future spouse has a beautiful and defined features. They have a defined and sharp jawline, slightly long chin, and narrow forehead. They are very handsome or conventionally attractive. For some, your person may be biracial or mixed raced (White/Black, Afro-Latino, Hispanic/Latino, or White). They have thick brows and lashes.

Your future spouse could have piercings.

Your future spouse could look like a celebrity or well-known public figure. I channeled a “singer” or “actor/actress”. They have an appearance that captivates people’s attention in some way. They receive a lot of attention or compliments on their appearance on a daily basis. It’s giving “pretty girl/boy” privilege or male model. Their skin is illuminating and clear, beautiful and healthy hair, vibrant eyes, and pretty smile. They also have sex appeal.

Your future spouse could be older than you or they have a very mature appearance in some way. I’m hearing “age like fine wine”, so it doesn’t matter if your person is younger or older, they will only get better with time, they give off dilf vibes. They have a rather muscular / solid built. This person takes care of their health and their body. They like to stay active and in shape. Your future spouse invest in themselves and their appearance, so they will always look presentable and dapper everywhere they go. They always look like they have their shit together, and they mean business. People find them hard to figure out because they don’t seem to share too much about themselves.

They have an aesthetically pleasing voice or there is something attractive about their neck / prominent Adam’s apple.

Your future spouse style can embody the “old money” aesthetic. They always look like money, or someone of great importance and prestige. Your person can be very picky and particular when it comes to the clothes they choose to wear and buy. They enjoy timeless and elegant pieces that will never go out of style and last forever. A polished and fine individual indeed. They know how to balance and style appropriately, they never overdo it, but know how to subtly show off their status and prestige. They tend to gravitate towards clothes that make them feel confident and appear strong. The songs I’m channeling are So Fresh, So Clean by OutKast and Suit & Tie by Justin Timberlake ft Jay-Z.

their love languages words of affirmation

Gratitude is the key word when it comes to how your future spouse feels for you. They are beyond grateful and appreciative for your presence in their lives. There aren’t enough words in the all the thousands of language in the world to describe how much you mean to your person. They can’t help but smile when they think about how lucky they are to have you in their lives, like they feel like they hit the jackpot with you in their lives. They value you and the relationship that the two of you built so much, and pray to continue to grow and build with you for all eternity. Your future spouse has no trouble in telling you how much they love and miss you. They will say it a million times proudly, they would even go as far to climb on top of the highest building and profess to the entire world their undying love for you, if they could. Your future spouse is also big on compliments. They will often tell you how beautiful you are and how proud they are of you when it comes to your work ethic or anything you put your mind to achieve. Your future spouse also appreciate compliments, so don’t be afraid to also encourage them and boost their ego.

quality time

Your future spouse is quite a planner and may enjoy putting time aside and effort to spend some time with you. You will never have to worry about them forgetting anniversaries or birthdays. They will try their best to make time for the two of you in their schedule, even when they have a lot of things going on behind the scenes. You mean a great importance to your future spouse and they will intend that you always have their undivided attention whenever they are with you, not wanting to miss a beat. They pay attention to the littlest details when it comes to planning romantic activities that the two of you can enjoy together. So you can expect romantic getaways, movie dates, dinner dates, and whatever else your future spouse has in store for you. This person’s goal is to unsure that the love between the two of you goes stagnant and that the sparks last forever. I’m channeling Anita Baker, “Caught Up in the Rapture” and Sparks Will Fly, J. Cole ft Jhene Aiko.

physical touch

Your future spouse is very affectionate. They absolutely love affection and will always crave to be close and intimate with you most of time. I channel that they love hugs, cuddles, or long embraces. They feel so safe when you are in their arms and they want you to feel safe when you are in their arms. I’m hearing “my little baby”. Your future spouse views you as someone they need to protect and shower in love at all cost. They can be a bit clingy at times, but it’s just their way of showing you how much they love and crave to be near you. They are quite gentle and loving when it comes to showing you physical affection, they enjoy building the momentum and intensity rather than rushing the process.

their profession

ten of cups • three of pentacles • king of wands

For some, your future spouse could have a career in following:

Your future spouse’s career could bring them a lot of happiness and emotional fulfillment. They seem to be very liked and appreciated by their superiors and coworkers, I’m hearing “most valuable worker”. Your future spouse has great leadership skills and is highly respected in their profession.

Entrepreneur

Environmentalist

Professor

Lawyer

A profession that requires them to network or work in groups or with others.

Construction Worker

Architect

Real Estate Agent

Non-Profit Organizer

Independent contractor

Digital Marketing

Your future spouse had to work incredibly hard to get where they are in their career. They may have experienced many ups and downs within their career, but finally found a career path that they were passionate about and inspired them to make a difference, not only in their lives, but for others as well.

Your future spouse may be required to travel for work, I channeled multiple months in the spread, so they are quite busy.

Whatever profession your future spouse is in, they make a decent amount of money.

For some, your future spouse could possibly be in the public eye or work with notable people.

how will you they treat you

Your future spouse will treat you as a “lady” or how a women is supposed to be treated. Your future spouse is very respectful when it comes to you, they will never try to disrespect you in anyway. They will never raise their voice or call you names whenever the two of you are at conflict and would rather communicate their thoughts and feelings with you in a respectful manner. They will try their best to listen to you and be receptive to your needs and wants. They want you to make you feel safe to remain in your feminine essence. They will always make sure that the initial spark continues to burn your relationship. You will never get bored with your person. They will do almost anything to keep the chemistry going between the two of you. Spontaneity is your future spouse’s middle name and fun is their game. They always want you to know that they are extremely attracted to you through their words and actions. They will make it feel like it’s the very first time throughout your connection.

queen of cups + nine of cups

Your person will be so nurturing, loving, supportive, and caring towards you. They genuinely want to make you happy and give you everything that you deserve and could possibly want. You will your future spouse so happy and adore you so much you. They feel like they won the jackpot ( I’m channeling I Won by Future ft Kanye West). You are everything your spouse manifested or ever wanted in partner. They will always remain faithful and loyal to you, as long as you reciprocate as well. They will always be there to support and lend a hand whenever you need them. They will always celebrate you, your accomplishments, and give your flowers. You satisfy and bring so much happiness and joy in your future spouse’s life and for that they are super grateful for you.

knight of swords + ace of swords

Your future spouse will always keep it real with you. They will never lie to you or withhold anything from you. They want the relationship between the two of you to be honest and progressive. They want to find solutions to any issues that the two of you encounter, rather than dwell on the problem. Your person is also very protective of you, they will not allow anyone to disrespect you and will defend you, if necessary. They will not be afraid to confront any issues and are mature enough to hold themselves accountable if they did anything wrong when appropriate. They also want to serve as an inspiration for you to go after whatever you want and to accomplish what you want.

four of wands + six of cups

Your future spouse wants to build a stable foundation for the two of you. They want to build and enjoy a happy family life and will desire to grow an even strong bond with you. They want to have fun with you and build beautiful and carefree memories together. They want to reach every milestone with you and even grow old and die right by your side. They want to look back on the past as a reminder of what the two you have been able to overcome and achieve together.

their sexual style

Immediately , I got the vibe that your future spouse will be away from you a lot, this could apply if they are require to travel for work months on end . To keep the connection solid and fun between you and your spouse, I channeled a lot of steamy phone calls, text, and photos being exchanged between you and them. Cyber sex is very prevalent in this reading. I definitely see you sending explicit photos or videos to your person while they are away to keep their mind spinning and longing for more. I heard intuitively a “ little forget me not” I see an image of you showing them a new lingerie set that you just bought and mercilessly teasing them, and this literally driving them overboard with lust and the urge to rush back home to have their way with you. I am also seeing lots of masturbation as well, together or whenever they are missing you and craving, they like to look and relieve themselves to your photos and videos when they are alone at night. I also pick up there is a lot of doubt and fear surrounding, if your person is being unfaithful while they are away, or this is their fear when it comes to you, but i sense, you or your future spouse have nothing to worry about. “I Only Have Eyes For You by The Flamingos just came to mind, as I channeled how they feel about you. Your future spouse believes that you are their soulmate, their true love, and their one and only. I intuitively heard, Forever My Lady by Jodeci. Your future spouse really hates the distance between you and them, and they are undoubtedly regretful and apologetic that they haven’t spent enough time with you as they would like, but they plan to make up for lost time and give you everything you have been missing. “Get ready to back all that sh*t up” is what I channeled. Take it if it resonates, but your future spouse may need reassurance from you at times, during intimate moments. Your future spouse tends to overthink when it comes to pleasuring you . They want to pleasure you, but sometimes, they think they aren’t doing enough or they don’t know exactly how they make you feel. They try to look for some type of signal from you and are more than open to listen and learn what your desires are. I sense that they tend to be the initiators most of the time, but there is a message of them wanting you to initiate and take the lead for a change. The reason for this is because they want the both of you to be on the same page and connected in every aspect, emotionally, sexually, mentally, and spiritually as well.

keywords

Until the End of Time by Justin Timberlake ft Beyoncé • let’s take our time, we got all night • feeding you grapes • licking chocolate off you • Soon As I Get Home by Faith Evans • making up for lost time • they like you in red • shower sex • “suck it, while you me look in my eyes” • “I’ll show you how much I missed you” • fuck you until we both come undone • Make It To The Morning by PND • backshots • FaceTime calls • daddy’s home • sex playlist • Tonight by Summer Walker • flashbacks • the sounds of making love • sensual lover • “do you have any idea how much I love and miss you” • sex toys • high sex drive • going for rounds • “I’m going to give you a night you won’t ever forget” • ride my face • “who you belong to” • food play • Kama Sutra • You Know How To Make Me Feel So Good by Harold Marvin & The Blue Notes • tell / show me exactly what you want, and I’ll do it • setting the mood • connecting to the senses • slow and gentle caressing • The Closer I Get To You by Donny Hathaway ft Roberta Fleck • wet dreams • touching with intention • paying attention your body signals • “I can never get enough of you” • slow and steady wins the race • Electric by Alina Baraz ft Khalid • don’t hold back, any longer • experimenting with new things • neck kisses • hands tangled in your hair • sexting • tracing fingers • memorizing your body • deep and endless breathing • build up • sexual frustration • moaning and groaning • “I miss your scent” • don’t get shy now • Drunk in Love ( Jay-Z verse) • cum over and over again • You Should’ve Wore Your Bonnet 21 Savage ft Brent Faiyaz • sex tape• NSFW • Neighbors Know My Name by Trey Songz • back massages • Recognize by PND ft Drake • burning with desire • I want to hold you tight and never let go • interlocking hands • flavored lubricants • You Be Killin Em by Fabulous • bubble bath together • holding your hair while you suck it • squirting • cum play • have my babies • Love to Love You Baby by Donna Summer • Water by Tyla • wet sheets • Bonjour by NO1-NOAH ft Summer Walker

#Spotify #future spouse #pac reading #tarotbydelilah444 #tarotblr #vday #18+ tarot #tarot reader #pick a card tarot #love reading

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theglowsociety · 3 days ago

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Living with Intention: A Guide to Building Alignment and Achieving Your Goals ✨

When you’re serious about finding balance, fulfillment, and success, the foundation is living with intention. It’s about quitting what drains you, focusing on what fuels your soul, and aligning your habits with your goals. Here’s how to break this down and make it work in your daily life:

1. Quit Brainrot and Unfollow Trolls

• How to put it into play: Audit your social media and online spaces. Remove accounts or people who spread negativity, drama, or distractions. Replace that time with reading essays, diving into interesting topics, or exploring new hobbies.

• Why it benefits you: Eliminating mental clutter helps you focus on what truly matters, while exploring new ideas broadens your perspective and inspires creativity.

2. Use Tools to Stay Organized

• How to put it into play: Keep a calendar for your appointments and deadlines. Maintain a daily to-do list to track your tasks and prioritize effectively.

• Why it benefits you: Staying organized reduces stress and helps you build momentum by consistently accomplishing your goals.

3. Immerse Yourself in the Past

• How to put it into play: Read old books and watch old movies. Visit bookstores and seek out novels from the 1800s. Study ancient scripts or explore historical art.

• Why it benefits you: Exploring the wisdom and beauty of the past gives you timeless inspiration, reminding you of enduring truths and creative possibilities.

4. Be Present in Daily Actions

• How to put it into play: Turn on Do Not Disturb to block distractions. Walk with intent, noticing your surroundings. Eat without watching YouTube or scrolling, and chew mindfully.

• Why it benefits you: Practicing mindfulness reduces stress, enhances enjoyment of everyday moments, and creates a deeper connection to yourself and your environment.

5. Take Planning and Execution Seriously

• How to put it into play: Spend 15 minutes every morning or evening planning your day. Organize your desk and workspace before starting. Execute your tasks with focus.

• Why it benefits you: Intentional planning helps you work smarter, while an organized environment boosts productivity and clarity.

6. Commit to Lifelong Learning

• How to put it into play: Learn to code, read poetry, study persuasion, or dive into new skills that align with your goals. Go down rabbit holes of curiosity and discovery.

• Why it benefits you: Lifelong learning keeps your mind sharp, expands your opportunities, and empowers you to tackle challenges with confidence.

7. Prioritize Clean Living and Wellness

• How to put it into play: Eat clean, walk to the grocery store, train without music, and journal regularly. Incorporate these habits into your routine with purpose.

• Why it benefits you: Clean living fuels your body and mind, while journaling and exercise support emotional well-being and mental clarity.

8. Embrace Creation and Refinement

• How to put it into play: Write every day—journal, brainstorm, or work on a project. Create art in any form you enjoy and refine it over time. Iterate boldly.

• Why it benefits you: The act of creation builds discipline and self-expression, while refining ensures you continually elevate your skills and output.

9. Practice Kindness and Sincerity

• How to put it into play: Help people, feed stray animals, or take time to talk to someone who needs support. Always embody kindness and respect in your actions.

• Why it benefits you: Acts of kindness deepen your sense of purpose, improve your relationships, and attract positivity into your life.

10. Seek Inspiration and Beauty

• How to put it into play: Experience art, notice patterns in nature, or study fonts on trees. Pursue beauty in unexpected places and moments.

• Why it benefits you: Appreciating beauty sharpens your awareness, inspires creativity, and brings a sense of wonder to everyday life.

11. Act with Intention and Courage

• How to put it into play: Stop wasting time on unproductive habits or people. Trust your intuition, embrace rejection as temporary, and take bold steps toward your goals.

• Why it benefits you: Courage and intention lead to growth, aligning you with opportunities that fit your values and aspirations.

12. Optimize and Simplify Your Day

• How to put it into play: Systemize your routines where helpful, but don’t overcomplicate. Focus on efficiency and refine your speech and actions.

• Why it benefits you: Simplifying your day reduces decision fatigue and frees up energy for what matters most.

13. Build Meaningful Connections

• How to put it into play: Talk to strangers with respect, listen intently, and offer thoughtful conversations. Build a reputation for being genuine and trustworthy.

• Why it benefits you: Strong relationships and connections open doors and create a support system that helps you thrive.

14. Play and Rediscover Joy

• How to put it into play: Turn off your mind and play—whether it’s sports, games, or spontaneous adventures. Explore combat sports or creative outlets that excite you.

• Why it benefits you: Play energizes your spirit, relieves stress, and enhances your problem-solving abilities.

15. Focus on What Aligns with You

• How to put it into play: Cherry-pick your qualities and discard habits or traits that no longer serve you. Align your actions with your core values and aspirations.

• Why it benefits you: Living authentically ensures you’re building a life that reflects your true self and attracts what resonates with you.

16. Embody Virtue and Respect

• How to put it into play: Don’t gossip, act with sincerity, and show kindness in every interaction. Offer lunch to a monk or volunteer your time for a good cause.

• Why it benefits you: Embodying virtue and respect strengthens your character, creates a positive impact, and builds a foundation for meaningful success.

17. Dream Boldly and Execute with Passion

• How to put it into play: Ask yourself what you want to create and let it consume you. Visualize your success and take action with purpose and determination.

• Why it benefits you: Bold dreams inspire greatness, while intentional execution transforms vision into reality.

18. Value Time and Experience Life

• How to put it into play: Leave your phone at home for a day. Walk to run errands, visit a bookstore, or immerse yourself in nature. Be loving, kind, and present.

• Why it benefits you: Time is your most valuable resource. Cherishing it and fully engaging with life enriches your experiences and creates lasting memories.

When you intentionally live by these principles, you’re building a life rooted in alignment, balance, and fulfillment. What do you want to create, and how will you make it a reality?

quit brainrot. unfollow trolls. read essays. go down rabbit holes. have a calendar. maintain a todo list. read old books. watch old movies. turn on dnd. walk with intent. eat without youtube. chew more. train without music. plan for 15 mins. execute. organise your desk. take something seriously. read ancient scripts. act fast. find bread. eat clean. journal. save a life. learn to code. read poetry. create art. stay composed. refine your speech. optimise for efficiency. act sincere. help people. be kind. stop doing things that waste your time. follow your intuition. craft reputation. learn persuasion. systemise your day (or don't). write. write. write. write more. iterate violently. leave your phone at home. walk to the grocery store. talk to strangers. feed the dogs. visit bookstores. look for 1800s novels. experience art. then love. sit with a monk and offer them lunch. don't talk shit about people. embody virtue. sit alone. do something with your life. what do you want to create? turn off your mind. play. play a sport. combat sports. notice fonts in trees. fall in love. notice patterns on a table. visualise it. talk to people with respect. don't hate. be loving. be real. become yourself. cherrypick your qualities. discard the useless. rejections aren't permanent. invite what aligns. accept what does not. read great people. be different. choose different. do great work. let it consume you. lose your mind. value your time. experience life.

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promptedwordsmith · 2 days ago

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LaDS guys receiving flowers

Caleb

Caleb would feel a bit conflicted receiving flowers. His initial instinct would be to downplay it, even if the gesture was deeply appreciated. Caleb’s pride and self-reliance might make him feel somewhat uncomfortable with such an outward symbol of affection, especially if it’s in front of others. He’s used to being the one who takes care of others, not the one being cared for. Receiving flowers might stir a mix of emotions—thankfulness, a hint of discomfort, maybe even a slight defensiveness as he tries to reconcile this with his more stoic, soldier-like nature.

That said, if the flowers came from you, Caleb would likely feel a deeper, softer reaction. He would appreciate the gesture more than he let on, even if he didn’t show it outwardly. Flowers from you would remind him of his vulnerability, and he’d treasure them in a way he wouldn’t with anyone else’s. Caleb might keep them close, even if he didn’t fully understand why they meant so much to him. They would become a symbol of the love he sometimes struggled to express, something to keep as a reminder that, in this one thing, he doesn’t have to be the strong, unshakable figure—he can let you love him in a way that feels different, but still significant.

Rafayel

Receiving flowers, on the other hand, would be a very different experience for Rafayel. He’d appreciate the gesture, of course, but there would be a part of him that’s unsure of how to handle it. He’s someone who values deeper, more personal connections, and while he’d love the sentiment behind receiving flowers, he might not always know how to respond in the moment. His pride could make him a little awkward with such an outwardly “romantic” gesture. He’d appreciate the beauty of the flowers, the thoughtfulness, but the attention might make him blush or fumble over his words. In his mind, the flowers would be a beautiful token, but he’d still see them as something outside of his more personal, intimate connection with you.

Deep down, however, receiving flowers from you would touch him in a way that goes beyond his initial reaction. It would remind him that you notice him, that you care about him in a way that feels very tender. He’d likely keep the flowers for as long as possible, perhaps even preserving them in a way that allows him to keep the memory of the gesture close—because, despite his usual aloofness, moments of emotional sincerity are ones he holds onto tightly.

Sylus

Sylus would find it somewhat unusual, maybe even a little uncomfortable at first. Flowers—such delicate, fleeting things—are not something he often associates with his world of power, strategy, and control. He would likely accept them with his signature coolness, perhaps offering a polite smile, but internally, he might feel a little out of place. It’s not that he dislikes the gesture, but it’s not his usual mode of communication. Sylus prefers actions that have substance, that are tied to results, not symbols of affection that fade too quickly.

That said, if the flowers were given by someone he cares about—especially you—he might soften, just slightly. The gesture would still feel foreign to him, but the fact that you took the time to choose something for him, something so intimate and vulnerable, would cause a shift. He would appreciate it in his own quiet, understated way, perhaps in the way he keeps them nearby, his usual aloofness momentarily replaced with something gentler. Still, he’d never fully embrace the idea of receiving flowers as he would with giving them—it would always be a bit of a curiosity to him, a contrast to the power-driven world he inhabits.

Xavier

Xavier would likely feel a moment of surprise if someone gave him flowers. It’s not something he’s used to, and the gesture might make him a little uncertain about how to respond. But once the initial shock passed, he would begin to recognize how special the moment is. The flowers would likely hold a deep meaning for him, and he would appreciate them not for the act itself but for what they represent: attention, care, and connection.

He’s not the type to outwardly express excitement over receiving flowers, but inwardly, he would feel grateful and touched. There’s something so intimate about someone giving you flowers, and for Xavier, that would feel like a small, precious gift. He might keep the flowers in a place where he can look at them quietly, perhaps on a windowsill or a small table by his bed, allowing them to remind him of the person who gave them.

Xavier is more likely to treasure the flowers over time, allowing them to serve as a reminder of the bond shared with the person who gave them to him. Even if the flowers eventually wilt, the sentiment behind the gesture would stay with him. He might even be the type to preserve the flowers somehow, pressing them between the pages of a book or keeping them in a special place as a token of that shared moment.

Zayne

if you gave him flowers, Zayne would appreciate the sentiment and the effort behind it, even if he didn’t outwardly show it as much. He might not immediately show the emotional impact, but deep down, he would feel touched by the thoughtfulness, knowing that you understood him enough to express your care in a way that was uniquely meaningful to him. In a quiet moment, he might even keep the flowers in his office or by his bedside—hidden away, but cherished in his own way.

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sonotpattismith · 1 day ago

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let him make a woman out of me

pairing: martial arts!sukuna x preacher's daughter!reader word count: 13.5k content: angst, religious themes, religious trauma, low-key sacrilegious at points, implied sexual harassment/abuse, mentions of miscarriage, smut, 18+ a/n: this was just supposed to be a self-defense trainer sukuna fic, but I was listening to Ethel Cain and my religious trauma jumped out idk what happened SORRY- also thank you to @yoyoheart for the inspo :')

You had never been sure who’s wrath you feared more: your father’s, God’s, or the world that both of the aforementioned possibilities sheltered you from. Perhaps they were all one in the same, as your father lived to enforce his own version of God’s will, and the world of the small community surrounding you bent to their every whim.

Of course, you had never been so naive as to believe there wasn’t a whole other world beyond the confines of your father’s commandments and God’s watchful eye, even though you had never seen it— a faith you had learned from the very Bible that shackled your mind— believing without seeing, the presence of the other world lingered all around without your needing to touch it to acknowledge the fact.

None of these things though could have prepared you for the trials and temptations ahead of you; not your father’s scorn, not God’s promises, and certainly not the world that had kept you barred for so long— because you never knew this was what all these things were hiding from you.

Nothing could have prepared you for Sukuna.

Here you were though, staring up at the martial arts gym in the middle of a city you had never known, with hopes that it would help bring you that much closer to feeling confident in the world you were always a fingertips brush away from. Second doubts were creeping into your muddled mind though, because the man emerging from the back of the gym at the sound of the front door jingling with your arrival was monstrous, unlike anything you’d ever seen before, but everything you imagined Lucifer’s deceptive beauty to be.

He was tall, ducking his head ever-so-slightly through the archway as he took a long swig from his water jug. Even the way his long finger’s wrapped around the plastic appeared perilous, the flimsy material bending under what looked like it was supposed to be a casual grip. Tugging the wire from one of his headphones down, he raised a brow at your timid stance while leaning his hands on the front counter.

“You my six o’clock self-defence beginner?” His question rang in your ears, making your heart pound violently against your chest.

This was supposed to be who would be training you? He looked like the very people you were hoping to learn how to defend yourself against, what with the menacing marks that littered his otherwise captivating face. He reminded you of what the scripture had said about how even Lucifer masqueraded as an angel of light.

“Oh, um…” Your gaze flickered, taking note of the way the sleeves of his compression shirt strained pitifully against the swell of his biceps. This man could kill you with a flick of his wrist should you make a wrong move. Twisting your fingers into the hem of your hoodie, you mustered the courage to respond to him as his brows rose in an exasperated go on expression. “You’re the… martial arts trainer?”

“There a problem with that?” The subtle edge in his tone had your breath hitching, every doubt that you were sure you had buried when you left your hometown flooding back to you.

“No! I just…” Your anxious voice trailed, and the silence in the modestly sized gym had a premature sweat breaking out onto your neck— you were alone with this man. “Is there maybe a um… female trainer?”

His face remained intimidatingly neutral for a few seconds before the slightest of amused smirks broke the sudden tension. Pushing off the counter, he trailed around to the front, a motion that had you inching back in a manner you could only hope was subtle. Instead of stopping in front of you though, he moved past you and toward the front door. You watched with furrowed brows as he pushed it ajar before shoving the door stopper between it and the frame.

“Look princess— this is my gym.” He explained with a resigned sigh.

For a moment, Sukuna had contemplated rolling his eyes at your request. It wasn’t that he was offended— no, he was far too accustomed to the intimidated stares and shuffles away from his vicinity. Still, irritation was a state of second nature to him, built up over years of needing to put up with the aggravatingly shallow individuals that had plagued his life since he was a teenager and first sprouted both in size and fear factor.

Taking a better look at you though, he had to remind himself of how he came off most times. Your comparably small frame was swallowed up by his shadow, and by the way your wide, dewy eyes darted about the gym, it told him that perhaps he needed to tone it down a notch. After all, you were a kind-looking girl all by herself in a gym with a six foot something bodybuilder who couldn’t understand it when people told him he had a perpetually murderous look in his eyes.

Standing up once the door was successfully propped open, he made his way back over to you as you tried to conceal your shell-shocked expression. Meanwhile, the assessing glint in his ruby eyes as he dragged his gaze up and down your tense figure did nothing to ease your nerves.

“So, no, I’m the only trainer here.” He finally continued before meeting your eyes once again. “What are you here for?”

“Um… what am I here for?”

“Why are you taking these lessons?”

You blinked apprehensively up at him as memories of your life leading you all the way here to this stranger’s gaze flooded your mind. Gulping down the lump in your throat, you tried to straighten your posture in an attempt to appear more confident than you actually felt.

“I want to protect myself.”

He nodded firmly at your answer, leaning his elbow against the counter.

“And do you think anyone fucks with me?” He fought back an amused smirk watching you flinch back at his crass words. It made him wonder what the fuck you were doing here, as it was becoming abundantly clear that you were likely heavily sheltered. In his experience, girls like you always had some helicopter parents doing all the protecting for them, even at their grown ages. Your lips twitched nervously as your eyes continued to flutter up at him. “Hm?”

“No— no, I don’t think anyone… bothers you.”

“And why not?” At this point, you were almost sure he just enjoyed seeing you sweat as he continued to press with a mocking tilt of his head. Sensing your apprehension, he nodded encouragingly. “Go on, I’m a big boy— I can take it.”

“Well, you’re— y’know, tall and… big.” You weren’t sure what other term to use without flat out calling him scary, but he seemed to have understood you anyway— much to your relief.

“So, you’re telling me you’d rather have some pipsqueak trying to teach you how to kick someone’s ass?”

“Oh… well I guess that—”

“Oh—” The pink haired man mocked before pushing off the counter to head toward the center of the mat that was covering the majority of the gym. “Get your ass over here, we’re already running behind.”

Despite the nerves still taking hold of every inch of you, you quickly sprang into action at his command. Setting your bag down by the counter, you gave one last hesitant glance his way before tugging down the zipper of your jacket. Shrugging it off your shoulders, you were left in your long-sleeve top that, despite covering nearly every inch of you, made you feel unnecessarily exposed in his presence. You tugged at it in hopes it would stretch into a less form-fitting material as you walked to stand before him.

“Take that off.”

“W-What?” You stammered out, crossing your arms over your chest defensively. He jutted his chin toward you.

“Your necklace— if it gets caught on something while training it’ll fuck up your neck. Don’t wear jewelry when you come here.”

Your fingers slowly creeped up to curl around the cross that dangled from the dainty chain around your neck. It was the one your father had gifted you after your first Communion so many years ago, and it hadn’t left your body since. With a small nod, you reached up to unhook the chain. Your fingers trembled though, slipping and sliding the hook out of your grasp as your face began to heat in embarrassment.

“Sorry.” You attempted a nonchalant smile, but it appeared more like a grimace as you continued to struggle with the clasp.

Sukuna watched you silently, the way your eyes wouldn’t meet his, the guilt that swam behind them as you fought to maintain your composure long enough to do what he’d asked of you.

He had been teaching self-defence lessons for a few years now— not as long as he’d been involved in martial arts, but long enough to recognize certain cues and quirks in the people that passed through his gym. It had begun out of irritation, all the kids being brought into a martial arts class by their parents because they were getting bullied, all the women fearing the rising crime rates in this city— weak people bothered him, they pissed him off like nothing else.

When deciding to begin teaching individual lessons geared specifically toward self-defense, Sukuna tried to tell himself that it was because he wanted at least one less wimp walking out into the world each time he finished a class— that, and the extra income certainly didn’t hurt. It was beginning, though, to teach him harsh truths about himself and about the world he had convinced himself he hated for so long.

It was never weak people that bothered him. No, instead he was quickly coming to the startling realization that he saw himself in each frail recruit. Of course, it was never the version of himself that he had now grown into, but the young boy who had been alienated by the world under the false pretenses of love and righteousness. Sukuna had to be reminded each day that where weak people were— the self proclaimed righteous were never far behind, and nothing infuriated him more.

In the midst of your mortified fumbling, you hadn’t noticed that he’d stepped closer to you, reaching behind you to push your hands away and nimbly unhook it himself. You peered up at him through your lashes as though too scared to meet his gaze head on as his large hand came back around to hang in front of you, dangling the cross just beside your nose. He was glowering down at you, sharp eyes seeming to assess your every breath, and, for a moment, you were sure he could see straight through you.

“Thank you.” You mumbled sincerely, holding your palm up for him to carefully drop the necklace in the center of it.

The towering man stepped back to allow you to place the jewelry safely into your bag before rejoining him. In the minuscule interaction, you came to the comforting resignation that he had already had the chance to use that grueling size of his to his advantage, but the only use he put to his hands thus far was to help you.

“I’m sorry, I’m just a little nervous is all— I was being judgmental. Let’s start over.”

“No, remember that.” Sukuna insisted with a nonchalant shake of his head. He raised a splayed out hand in front of him before nodding toward it. “Punch me.”

“Punch you?” You repeated, eyes flickering apprehensively between him and his large palm. “Aren’t you supposed to… I don’t know— put gloves on or something?”

His expression deadpanned at you, and you could practically hear that unimpressed glint in his eyes asking you— are you serious right now? The borderline exasperated look on his face actually managed to break through your nerves for the first time since you’d walked into the small gym. A horribly concealed, breathy laugh escaped you as you realized the ridiculousness of your question. It made him look away from you for a moment, fighting back a tired smile of his own that showed just how long he’d been working today.

Quickly collecting yourself, you squared your shoulders to show him that you were ready. He nodded at you, barely adjusting his stance to prepare for whatever force your comparably small fists would deliver. His scarlet eyes observed your form as you hurled your balled up fist forward with what looked to be all the strength you could manage. You wouldn’t have the chance to see if it dealt any damage because you were quickly curling back, cradling your fist into your chest with a pained groan.

“That’s why you need to correct your form before you jump into anything else.” He explained simply, not at all phased by your pathetic attempt at a punch as he cracked his neck concerningly loud.

“If you knew that, why didn’t you teach me that first?” You gaped in exasperation, wringing out your now throbbing knuckles.

“Because now you’ll never forget to fix your form, huh?”

The first thing you learned about Sukuna is that, when there was an option to learn the hard way— he always took it. It didn’t matter that he was lightyears taller than you, or that the only thing you’d ever hit in your life was your pillow, or that you were a girl. In that hour that you were his student— he was going to make sure you learned.

Despite the dull ache that remained in your hand the remaining hour as he demonstrated the proper posture to take, even down to how you should be breathing, it was exhilarating to have been taken seriously for once. His corrections, though gruff and direct, were never the condescending tone you had grown so accustomed to among the men who you grew up alongside in the church.

They, like your father, had so many stories to tell you of the heathens that were often drawn to the city with allures of its greed and idolatry. These caricatures they’d conjure up would leave you shaken at night as you prayed to the Lord for any alternative— stuck between the fear of what may be awaiting you should you leave the safe confines of your hometown, and the isolating horror of what it may mean for you if you stayed.

It began to make you wonder though as you placed your water bottle back into your bag and shrugged your hoodie back on. You questioned the tales you had been fed your entire life— because none of them had ever mentioned that the people in the city, who had a knack for giving into the sins of the flesh and denying the name of the Lord, would also be the first to speak to you instead of at you. Perhaps it was just Sukuna though— you wouldn’t know.

“I have you down for the same time next week.” He instructed firmly while moving to shelf the weights he’d been having you use to practice your form. “Better be practicing too— I can tell if you’re bullshitting me.”

It had only been a little over an hour, but you had somehow felt as though you’d already grown accustomed to his intense way of speaking. Then again, there was also the possibility that it was sliding off your shoulders because he was treating you with the kind of basic human decency you hadn’t even known was possible for so long. Additionally, you took comfort in the fact that you knew what he was thinking— what with him being so terribly honest even about what pissed him off. You didn’t have to guess what atrocities might be hiding behind sickly sweet, feigned smiles and traitorously kind words.

So, you only smiled and nodded affirmatively at him as you bid him a goodnight. From behind you, he only grunted in response, casting one last look at you from over his shoulder as you left the gym, still practically bouncing with adrenaline. That exercise-induced dopamine hit only lasted so long though, because you were soon reminded of how far you’d parked your car as you stared out into the now pitch-black night surrounding you.

Your fingers fiddled with the straps of your bag as you lifted yourself onto your tiptoes to survey all the dimly-lit alleys between yourself and your vehicle. All your skepticism about the fear-tactics you had been fed your whole life flew out the window in favor of recalling all the stories about what happened to girls like you out in these big cities. Gulping down the anxious lump in your throat, you bounced on your heels apprehensively.

Slowly sliding back, you found yourself pulling open the door to the gym once again, where Sukuna was cleaning the space up for the night. He looked entirely absorbed in the task at hand, headphone tucked snuggly into his ears and face scrunched initimidatingly firm. It made you hesitate, but you weren’t able to concern yourself any longer about if you were being a terribly annoying inconvenience to him, because he caught your hovering form in his peripheral.

“You forget something?” He questioned with a calculated raise of his brow.

Chewing on your cheek, you remembered the fear that look struck in you the moment you’d seen it first— the subtle temper that seemed to be permanently lurking behind it and how his stature did nothing to comfort his observers.

“No, um…” You pursed your lips, your blunt fingernails rapping against the door as he watched you expectantly. At the ridiculousness of your own request, you found yourself flushing.

“Spit it out.”

“Do you think you could walk with me?” You finally squeaked out at the sound of his impatient order. He blinked incredulously at you a few times, so you clarified. “To my car? I-I just parked kind of far and…”

Your words trailed in embarrassment as he watched the way you glanced behind you uneasily, but he knew. How could he not? He’d been doing this for far too long, after all.

Though the man had his own, begrudgingly personal reasons for being in the line of work he was in, it always ended right when that hour was up. Knowing that he had already done all that he would have been able to in the time allotted, there was never any pull for him to try harder or dig deeper. Of course, it could also have been attributed to the fact that he’d never been one to care much for connection— not when what he had learned so early on about connection severed so many critical parts of him at such a young age.

Still, it was the very reason his typically automatic refusal faltered. The look in your eyes was humble, flickering between him and the darkness that lay behind you. Your gaze held a vulnerability not unlike the kind he so vehemently detested— the one that had once glimmered in his own eyes.

With a soft click of his tongue, he tugged his headphones out and shoved them into his pockets. Your lashes fluttered as his long legs began striding toward the door, and you stepped aside for him to push through it. Already a few yards ahead of you, Sukuna paused and swiveled his head around to see that you were still at the door.

“You coming, brat? Or do you need to be carried too?” Despite his taunting words, his tone didn’t hold the malice he intended it to, and you knew it too. With a soft, wobbly smile of appreciation, you quickly fell into step beside him, nodding in the direction of your car.

It was silent as you two walked beside one another, the only noises permeating the peace being the thuds of your feet against the concrete and the jingling of his keys deep in his pockets where he had shoved his hands. Sukuna’s crimson eyes regarded you discreetly from his peripheral, noting the way you walked as though the ground might give out on you at any second. It was becoming clearer to him by the second that you were new to being out in the world on your own— at least that’s what your shifting eyes and tense shoulders told him as the rowdy conversation of a group of men grew closer with each step of your trek.

Even through your attempted subtlety, he picked up with a sharp precision the way you inched ever-so-slightly closer to him at the sudden intrusion. Casting his eyes to the side, his fist clenched twice in contemplation before he pulled it from his pocket and rested a guiding hand on the nape of your neck as you two passed the group in what he hoped would be a message to chill the fuck out.

The motion stung at your nervous system for a moment before you felt his fingers tighten as the two of you brushed against the men on your route. The protectiveness that came like a second nature to him spread a subtle warmth through your chest, one you were sure to stomp out before you let it fester anymore. Now a safe distance from what sounded to be a drunken group, his grip on your neck eased up. Clicking his jaw, he felt a sense of relief for a fear that wasn’t his to shoulder as he wondered what would have happened had you not come back for him.

The worn down car beeped a few feet away from you as you clicked at the key, and Sukuna’s hand slowly fell from your neck.

“Thank you.” Your tone was overly sincere for an action as miniscule as walking you to your car, but it only added to the growing, twisting sensation in his gut that said something was off about the look in your eyes. Despite this, you smiled up at him, far more assured than the tense one you had given him when you still feared him.

“Yeah, whatever,” He muttered, shoving his hands back into his pockets as you tugged open your door and settled in. Finally taking the chance to glance over you again, the man leaned his hand against the dingy vehicle. “Don’t park so fucking far next time. There’s a lot behind the gym.”

In the growling irritation that laced his tone, you were still able to detect that he was trying to help you— even if he wanted it to seem like you were deeply inconveniencing him. Still, you didn’t want to take advantage of his kindness, so you nodded ardently.

“Behind the gym, got it.”

His lips twitched up softly at your sincerely affirmative tone, but he made sure to turn his face away before you could see it.

“Not everyone’s out to get you.” Sukuna grumbled as you clicked your seatbelt on. Perhaps he was jumping the gun with his assumptions, but he had a sneaking suspicion about the way you view the world around you. Your teeth sunk into your bottom lip at his words. “And get a can of mace, will ya? Not always gonna be around to play knight for you.”

He didn’t give you the chance to respond, closing the door firmly with his monstrous hand. Waiting until he heard the soft click of your door locking, you watched as his broad frame stalked away from your car.

God won’t allow you to be tempted beyond what you could bear.

It was meant to provide you solace as you recalled the scripture, however it only fed your doubt the entire drive to your apartment, thoughts of how his warmth felt against your skin haunting your once steadfast beliefs.

It was more than his sinful beauty that plagued you though— it was the wisdom he seemed to keep about the very things that terrified you. Like a gatekeeper into the depths of your naivety, Sukuna seemed so sure of his every move and belief, and, in turn, he seemed to hold that same confidence in you. It was so foreign to you to receive that confidence without the need to prove yourself first— always guiltily fragile before proven innocently competent.

You busied yourself as best you could in the days that followed, trying to build your new apartment from the ground up and make it into some semblance of a home. It was with a haste that you came though, only a duffel bag on your shoulder and certainly no furniture to liven up the space. With the limited budget you were working with, you spent a day searching though thrift stores and garage sales for decent enough pieces that would suffice for your living space.

With each bill you pulled from the modest wad of cash you kept hidden within a sock at the corner of your bathroom cabinet, the looming reality of being truly on your own was settling in, and you wondered who the hell would hire you with only babysitting experience. It was just another reason to curse your upbringing, never having prepared you for the real world, because in their version of it, teaching you to bring up a child was all the preparation you needed.

You shook your head in an attempt to veer yourself away from where your thoughts would eventually take you. In your journey of self discovery, you were quickly learning that pitying yourself wouldn’t save you from the uphill battle of moving forward.

A determined huff escaped you as you finally located the parking lot Sukuna had told you about the week prior. Though you no longer feared him in the way you had upon first meeting, it was the energy he emanated that had you needing to hype yourself up to enter the gym for your second lesson that evening.

He was doing warm ups when the bell on the door chimed alerting your arrival, his long legs spread into a near completely horizontal line on each side of him as he leaned to the right to grasp onto his foot. His movements were almost supernaturally fluid, and it was jarring to see such precise agility coming from a man with such an imposing figure. The hem of his black, compression shirt had ridden up in the midst of his stretch, revealing the wickedly small sliver of his sculpted back.

There was the smallest of parts between your lips as you found yourself leaning forward with each centimeter the fabric continued to crawl up. The abrupt lifting of his head snapped you from your pathetic gawking though, his scarlet eyes finding yours instantaneously.

“What’s wrong with you?” He questioned brashly, taking note of the subtle flush in your cheeks. He twisted his torso to crack his back before standing easily from his place on the mat to gather a few gloves and weights for the lesson.

“Oh— nothing.” You shook from your thoughts long enough to smile at him, to which he only responded with a quirk of his brow and an unconvinced grunt.

“You practice like I told you to?”

You nodded at him, dropping your bag carefully onto the side of the counter before moving to unzip your jacket. This time around, you had half a mind to pick a less form-fitting t-shirt lest you be forced to anxiously readjust yourself between every move.

“I tried. I don’t really have any weights though, so…”

That subtle vulnerability, the unnecessary embarrassment in all your explanations was driving him insane. It made him want to shake you, to scream at you to fuck the world and stop being so damn scared of everything. It’s not what he was here for though, so he pushed the timid twitching at the corners of your lips to the back of his mind and nodded for you to stand before him and demonstrate the form he had spent so long perfecting with you the week prior.

You felt like shifting your weight under his scrutinizing gaze as it dragged from your firmly planted feet up your parted legs and to the controlled stiffness in your spine. Sukuna circled around you, akin to a predator stalking its prey— at least a helpless lamb in the jawls of a wolf was exactly how you felt at the moment.

He hummed, placing one hand on your shoulder and the other at the center of your back to straighten your posture. Nodding to himself at the correction, he almost allowed his hands to fall when he caught sight of the deep bruise forming on your forearm.

“The fuck happened to you?” The man questioned with a laser-like focus, lifting your injured arm to emphasize what he was inquiring about.

When your eyes fell upon his target, that infuriatingly familiar blush coated your cheeks once again. Pulling your arm from his grasp, you traced a gentle palm over the nasty mark.

“I was… trying to put together a coffee table.” You murmured bashfully, not lifting your gaze for fear of his reaction.

It was silent for a moment.

“A coffee table?” Sukuna repeated as though perhaps he’d just heard you wrong, a subtle exasperation in his tone. You only nodded. “And what, did it grow fucking arms and fight back?”

At this, you giggled hesitantly, but his seriousness only made your laughter bubble up uncontrollably. Had he not been so perturbed at your claim, perhaps he would have found himself fighting back a smile at the sound. Quickly adjusting to fix your posture once again, you shook your head in an attempt to fight off your tickled smile.

“No, no, I just—” You shrugged sheepishly as he stared impatiently down at you. “I’ve never had the chance to do stuff like that before, so I don’t really know how to use all the tools.”

“Right,” He responded doubtfully, still eyeing the blackening mark just above your wrist for a moment longer before he released it. “You at least get the shit standing?”

“Well… no, but my landlord offered to come over after he got off work to help me with it.”

This made Sukuna pause mid shoulder stretch, a volant sense of unease seeping into his chest. Slowly lowering his arms back down to his side, his cautionary gaze struck you sharply.

“Your landlord?” He began lowly, making you nod hesitantly. “Offered to come to your house to help you build a table— at night?”

You gulped at his warning tone, the growing expression of exasperation on his face gave you pause. The disbelief in those crimson eyes suddenly made you feel sickly insecure about the decision that you were so confident would fix your little dilemma. Picking at your nails, you cast your eyes to your feet where they still sat planted firmly in the mat below you.

“I mean, yeah. I don’t really know anyone—”

“So you were gonna let a stranger into your place by yourself?”

“You were the one that told me that not everyone was out to get me.” Your feeble attempt at a defense only made him scoff disbelievingly under his breath, hands on his hips as he looked to the side in frustration.

“Yeah, but—” He clicked his tongue with a shake of his head, and it was clear that he was trying to reign in his temper. “I’ll teach you how to put the damn table together. Don’t let that asshole into your place, so help me god.”

You gaped at him as he moved around you to shift around the weights that he’d set out for today’s lesson with no real rhyme or reason. Sukuna only knew that if he didn’t do something to distract himself from the possibilities of what kind of scumbag you were about to let into your space, he would have barrelled out the door to find the asshole himself.

“But—”

“But what?” His abruptly challenging tone made you flush. It wasn’t out of fear though, it was the finality in his tone that was stirring that familiar warmth in the pits of your stomach that only seemed to make its star appearances when he was nearby.

It wasn’t his intention to come off so harshly— though it never was, that sharp tongue was simply ingrained into his bloodstream— but there was a fierce protectiveness that stirred in him that needed to guard that infuriating innocence of yours the way no one bothered to protect his. Taking note of your flushed cheeks, he released a calculatedly controlled sigh before softening his tone as best as he knew how to.

“Quit overthinking it. I’ll show you how to do it so you don’t gotta be asking assholes to help you for stupid shit.” He grumbled, finally coming back around to stand in front of you as he nodded for you to get back into form.

It took you a few moments, too busy staring up at him with a type of gratitude he wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of. To be fair though, he was holding out something that you too had yet to grasp at, and it was the chance of independence Sukuna was forcing into your unsuspecting hands. Your eyes shone even through the downright ugly lighting of his gym, flaring your presence throughout the space in a way the very walls were unworthy of.

He could barely look at you as the two of you exchanged numbers after your lesson that evening, feeling for the first time in so long defenseless against what your perfectly intact soul would do to him should he continue meddling with it for too long. That fear didn’t stop him from knocking— perhaps a bit too firmly— on your door just a few days later, because if anyone was going to be blinded by whatever fucking sunshine you miraculously still kept in your pocket while living in a city like this— it sure as hell wasn’t going to be your creep of a landlord.

“You live in a fucking shoe box.” Sukuna commented gruffly as he ducked in through your front door.

This made you glance around the modest apartment, but your estimation couldn’t possibly be correct now that his imposing figure was taking up so much space. There was a subtle sense of your heart racing in your through at the sight of him, hair rustled and damp as though freshly showered, in his joggers and the t-shirt you had been praying would be loose enough to not showcase each rippling muscle in his abdomen. It seemed your prayers had fallen on deaf ears though— much like they seemed to have been your whole life.

Sukuna was big, and devilishly handsome, and generous— and he was a man in your apartment unchaperoned, and you couldn’t tell if the notion scared you or excited you. It made you wonder if whatever threat Sukuna was so sure your landlord would pose to you would have been safer than the temptation this man wafted toward you with each confident step into your space. You felt small beside him, even more so here than you ever did in that gym.

“I moved in a little bit of a hurry.” You explained with a bashful huff, finally finding the courage to shut the front door.

Quickly falling into step behind him, you followed as he stalked toward the heap of wood on the floor of your living room.

“Shitty roommate?” He guessed absentmindedly while squatting down to inspect the disheveled instruction manual on the floor, setting down the toolbox he’d brought with him.

“Uhhh, yeah, I guess you could say that.” You offered a forced smile as you allowed yourself to fall back onto the couch behind him.

The pink-haired man abruptly lifted his head at the sound of the second-hand furniture creaking softly under your weight. His brows were raised into his hairline as he shook his head expectantly at you.

“Uh-uh, you better get your ass over here, Princess. I told you I’d show you how to do it, and I’m fucking showing you.”

His sharp command had you springing into action, hopping off the couch to kneel down beside him. From so close, the scent of the musky body wash that still clung to every inch of him. Hiding your sheepishly tickled smile, you nodded affirmatively at him. He regarded your eager posture with a sidelong glance, the anticipation you held for learning how to put together a damn coffee table softening his brash expression ever so slightly.

“What— your old man never teach you how to use a damn screwdriver?” His grumbled question, though accusatory, held more curiosity than he was willing to admit that he held for you.

“He always said that was… man’s work.” The soft laugh you attempted didn’t conceal the regret laced in your tone, especially not from Sukuna’s keen senses.

Your explanation had a scowl forming abruptly on his already intimidating face. That grossly outdated sentiment sounded so familiar to him, and he found himself pressing to confirm despite the way his question may reveal a part of his past he tried to bury under all his muscle and tattoos.

“Jesus freaks?” He didn’t look at you as he made his assumption, instead focusing on laying out the tools you two would need.

“He was— is a preacher; my dad.”

It was all beginning to click into place— your near irrational fear of the world around you. The odd slip up in tenses wasn’t lost on him either, and it only added fuel to the fire of his building questions.

“Preacher’s daughter, huh?” Sukuna whistled lowly in amusement. You hung your head down so your hair would curtain your face. “Surprised they let you leave the nest without a ring on your finger.”

He had been half expecting you to reciprocate his banter with that bashful defensiveness that seemed to roll off your tongue so easily, but you had fallen silent as he picked up the base of the table. Pulling his lips into a thin line, his eyes seemed to unconsciously drag down toward your neck, noting that it was still bare of the cross he’d unhooked from it weeks prior. An inexplicable guilt panged deeper at his chest with each second that passed within your silence.

“Eh, I think it’s all bullshit, anyway.” He wanted to ease that tension he’d unknowingly placed upon your shoulder. A determined sigh escaped him as he shifted onto his knees. “Grab me one of the legs.”

At this, you glanced up at him in surprise, lips parting gently, too thrown off by his confession to be relieved that he’d shifted the topic from your leaving home. With a fluttering gaze, you did as he asked.

“What do you mean?”

“All that religious superiority crap— it’s all bullshit.” His reiteration only made you scoff out an uncertain laugh. A smirk tugged at his lips at your shock. “Quit blubbering and watch me. You’re doing the next one.”

“So what do you believe then?” You challenged, leaning against your hand that lay splayed out just beside his hip as you observed the way his hand curled around the grip of the power drill.

“If you’re asking me if I believe in some all knowing god or fairy or whatever the hell it is you people come up with to feel better about yourselves— then no. There ain’t no higher power, I don’t buy it.”

The dull buzzing of the tool filled the small space separating the two of you. About a minute passed before he finished securing the respective screw, and he pulled back to assure you were still paying attention. Your eyes narrowed along with your accusatory smile.

“You don’t really believe that.”

“You don’t think so?” He muttered with a small smirk, nudging at your arm for you to take the power tool from him.

Your breath hitched as his warm hand enveloped yours over the grip to press down against the two fingers you had placed over the trigger. The heat from his chest was radiating against your shoulder that had subsequently pressed right into him. Once he was sure you had grown used to the weight of the hefty tool in your grip, he slowly released your hand.

“I think you only want to believe that.” You weren’t sure where you had found the nerve to test him in such a way, but something in the way his haughty smirk faltered subtly as you turned back to observe his reaction made you believe that there was some truth to your words. “It just sounds like you’re trying to convince yourself, is all.”

“Yeah? And what about you?” He prefaced his rebuttal by sweeping the hair from your neck, revealing the absence of your own symbol of belief. The sudden brush of his fingertips across your sensitive skin made your fingers stall against the trigger. “Never put that pretty necklace of yours back on.”

“So?” You tried desperately to sound more confident than you felt at the moment, but the breathlessness that lingered in your tone betrayed you.

“So, maybe you’re trying to convince yourself that you still believe it, too.”

It was his fierce defensiveness over the walls he’d built around that part of him that was talking right now, stomping so carelessly over what was clearly a sensitive topic for you. No matter how much you didn’t want to hear it though, you knew he had dug deep, and you couldn’t understand how he had seen right through you.

The guilt of your doubt was unlike anything you’d ever experienced before. Laying awake at night these days, you prayed and prayed for signs and answers, begging the Lord to tell you that what you had to do to protect yourself wouldn’t damn you. You were running though— running from the very temple you were meant to be tethered to. Would God grant you his mercy still? And if he was a merciless God, would it be so blasphemous of you to turn your cheek against him?

Your pained vulnerability reflected in your dewy eyes as they bore into his. Sukuna’s jaw ticked, taut with the type of vexation he only reserved for himself. It wasn’t his intention to wound you, only to disarm you against looking too deeply into him. If you pried too far, perhaps you would understand that he wasn’t just terribly astute. Rather, the doubt etched across your gentle features was much like a looking glass into his own past— he saw himself.

Sukuna blinked slowly at the war waging on in your mind against righteousness and safety, and he saw a young boy ostracized in the name of the Lord. He saw a boy frenzied in his turning the already frayed pages of his Bible in search of answers that would have been blurred by his tears should he have found them. In spite of all the ways his faith excommunicated him, even he couldn’t deny the way the promise of an all merciful God comforted him even as he was tearing himself away from such sentiments.

“Don’t listen to me.” The man finally grumbled, turning from you to survey the screw you’d just secured into the table. It was a bit crooked, splitting the wood surrounding it ever so slightly, but it was secure nonetheless. “It’s good to… believe in something bigger than you. Hold onto that.”

Because God only knew how lonely it felt to have been burned so savagely that he was rendered incapable of belief, but the sting of the Father’s loving punishments always hurt much more.

Sukuna left you that afternoon with a freshly built coffee table and more confusion than someone who seemed so sure of himself should have been able to provide. Sinking down on your couch, you eyes remained glued to the fruits of yours and his labor, your mind running over all the eye rolls of feigned annoyance he’d offer whenever you’d mess something up. None of them ever negated the subtle pride evident in the twitch of his lips every time you’d beam up at him with the hope that you’d finally gotten a technique down.

No matter how quickly he tried to backtrack, his words only fed the ever growing mountain of doubt that had sprung up before you had even packed your first bag to leave home. It sounded personal to him, as though he was speaking from painful first-hand experience. Just a few months ago, someone so confidently spouting heresy in such a way would’ve had you running the other way, back to the safety of conformity. Now though it only seemed to draw you deeper into his contrasting orbit.

Each lingering, crimson stare and brush of his calloused hand worked their way into perspiring dreams, accompanied by sensations of longing you weren’t sure you had ever allowed yourself to feel. Either that, or the neatly groomed, prim and proper boys of your church you had been surrounded by growing up could never come close to permeating the barrier the Lord had put up in your mind against sinful thoughts of temptation.

Sukuna though— Sukuna was temptation incarnate. He was everything you had been warned against, and he seemed to have been pulled straight from Ezekiel, boiling over with each accusation the Lord wrought against Lucifer. He was the seal of perfection, that sharp tongue of his full of wisdom, and his flesh perfect in beauty. The signs all pointed toward deception— yet, much like a naive and longing Eve, not even the fear of damnation could hinder you from how sweet that forbidden fruit might taste against your awaiting lips.

“Focus.” Sukuna growled as you were knocked onto your back for the third time that day.

Though it took every ounce of courage left in you to show up for your next lesson the following week, that gnawing urge to let your fingertips brush against the fire outweighed any survival instinct you held for your poor soul. It might as well have been for not though, because you couldn’t for the life of you concentrate hard enough to brace yourself for the test attacks he continued sending your way.

The trainer wasn’t fairing any better though. This had somehow become personal to him. Each strike he was able to land and stance he was able to dismantle struck an unanticipated irritation in his chest, because if he was able to disarm you so easily— surely someone else with less favorable intentions would be able to as well. He tried to be tougher on you, push you harder, but, in truth, it was difficult for him to focus on his own technique each time he pressed himself against you in demonstration.

It was borderline pathetic. Sukuna had been in this field for years now, and he prided himself on the level of professionalism he always maintained with his students. Perhaps it was one of the reasons he never allowed himself to toe the barrier of professionalism and connection, because they could pant and press against him all they wanted, but it never meant anything to him— not until you.

That type of determination in your eyes wasn’t uncommon for the women who came in for self-defense classes, but his fatal mistake was digging deeper. Now, despite the puzzle pieces still being strewn about and disorganized, he still held an ample amount of them to begin to be able to see the bigger picture.

“I’m trying.” You huffed out in frustration, brows drawn together in subtle embarrassment as you took his outstretched hand to help you up.

“Bullshit.” He spat out instantaneously as you stumbled up with the force of his pull.

Shooting a palm out toward his chest to steady yourself, you tried to keep your eyes trained on anything but him. It was no use though— he had been picking up on each little lingering eye and flushed cheek of yours since last week, and it was driving him insane.

“Shouldn’t you be teaching me how to like… I don’t know not get kidnapped?”

“Should I be?” He challenged immediately, and this time his bewitching eyes caught yours with no real intent of ever letting them go. The question was calculated— prying. Sukuna wanted to know why you were here, that much you could tell.

“Aren’t you the teacher?” You tried to reciprocate that same level of trial, but this type of banter was new to you— especially with a man.

“Aren’t you the one paying me?”

Sukuna’s lip curled up at the way your resolve slipped under his logic. Nonetheless, he hung his head for a moment as though collecting himself before stepping back a few paces. Once backed up sufficiently, he nodded at you.

“Okay— new lesson. Try to escape.”

“What am I escaping?” You laughed hesitantly, looking around the small gym like a child would scope out potential hide-and-seek locations.

At once, a wolfish grin lit up his face, casting his eyes ablaze with a dangerous glint that had you regretting asking for a change of pace in the first place. A nervous gulp forced its way down your throat.

“Me.”

No quicker than you could process his response was he lunging forward, his monstrous hand closing around your forearm in a crushing grip. You yelped in surprise as he tugged you forward.

“C‘mon, you would’ve been in the back of the van by now, Princess.” He taunted as he watched you struggle against him. “What would you do?”

With a grunt, you tried to pull away from his hand’s demanding weight, but it only made your wrist ache with the strained effort.

“Ground your feet again.” The man demanded, continuing to yank at your arm. “Forget your posture and your ass is getting taken.”

It took a disciplined focus to halt your attempts to fight against him long enough to plant your socked feet into the mat once again. With the proper distance and subtle bend of your legs, it had admittedly become easier to keep yourself from falling against his firm tugs.

“See where my thumb is?” His free hand reached up to pat at where his thumb curled around his middle finger on your forearm. “It’s the weakest part of my grip. Twist your arm out toward the weak spot instead of fighting against the strongest part.”

With a fluttering gaze of determination, your face scrunched up as you maneuvered your arm against the Achilles heel he’d revealed to you. A triumphant laugh escaped you as your arm twisted underneath his own and subsequently broke free. There was barely an opportunity given for you to give a hop of glee, because Sukuna wasted no time lunging forward once again. The motion made you squeak in surprise, jumping into action to race across the gym, where his thundering footsteps weren’t far behind.

“What happened to your victory dance, Princess?” The man taunted as you ducked behind the counter, knocking over your abandoned bag in the midst of your pursuit. He prowled on the other side, knees bent ever so slightly as if waiting for the perfect opportunity to pounce on you. With a mocking tilt of his head, he offered you an intoxicating smirk. “What— you think a kidnapper’s gonna let you go just cause you got out once?”

“Well, I was hoping he would—” You jolted to the right as he pounced to the left as though to swoop in on you. An anxiously tickled smile tugged at your lips. “—grant me a little mercy considering I got it on my first try?”

“He was granting you mercy by giving you a head start.”

A shriek left you as you watched him hop over the counter with ease. Adrenaline was coursing through your veins as you barely escaped his grasp, his fingertips catching against the fabric of your t-shirt. In the back of your mind, you knew you should have been taking this seriously, and your activated fight or flight response certainly was. The less disciplined part of you though— the one still riding on the high of her newfound freedom— couldn’t help but like the game of cat and mouse he had sprung upon you.

It was something in his predatory eyes and lascvisious smile, with his canines glittering under the dim lights above you— it was almost making you want to be caught. You wanted to know what he would do, how his victory would translate against the grips of his sinful hands.

That shuddering falter in your step as the blood rushed down your body made sure you’d find out soon though, because his arms were quickly taking advantage of your misstep, wrapping around you from behind to clutch at your wrists. You couldn’t stifle the gasp that ripped up your throat as he pressed himself against your back.

“What now, hm?” Sukuna challenged as you finally began to struggle against his grip.

You could barely concentrate enough to hypothesize what might be the right technique to use here, because heat was bursting from his chest and soaking through your clothes like rays of the sun, and it was rendering you useless, your breathing laboring with each nudge of his chin against the crown of your head.

“Drop your weight.” He finally offered, and it sounded as though he was expending no effort to keep you secured.

Against his chest, he could feel each ragged expand and deflate of your ribcage as it became clear it wasn’t only him being affected by the proximity. Though his mind was telling him to hold you tighter, keep you this close just a bit longer, he wasn’t sure how long he could maintain his composure without causing a serious problem.

With a shuddering nod, you allowed yourself to fall into his grasp, your t-shirt sliding up with the sudden movement.

“Faster— all at once. You’re supposed to catch them by surprise, make them lose grip.” His arms quickly hoisted you back up in tandem with his barking order. “Do it again.”

You nodded deliriously at his command, nearly drunk on the scent of his body wash lingering on his perspiring skin. Doing as he said, you quickly kicked your feet out from underneath you, your weight falling limply into his arms.

Sukuna grunted softly, and you had assumed it was from this catching your now dead weight. You were painfully unaware of how the swell of your ass had rolled against his groin on your way down, and he was fighting forces greater than demons to continue this lesson. Glancing up toward the ceiling in a desperate attempt to shift his focus, he sucked in a calculated breath.

“Good, now wriggle out with your hips, make it impossible to keep the grip on you.”

He regretted his instruction as soon as it left his mouth— because just as you began writhing out of his grasp, no mouth of counting back from one-hundred, or repeating multiplication tables he hadn’t thought of since middle school was able to stop all the blood remaining in his brain from rushing to his dick.

“C’mon,” The man grunted half out of desperation for this to be over with already to maintain any sense of professionalism he could still manage. “Use your feet— kick me— get out.”

In your hazed oblivion, you did as you were told, swinging back to land a barely impactful kick to his shin. When that did nothing, you reared back once more, this time making sure your foot collided with his knee. This maneuver finally did him in, though his arms remained locked around you as his leg gave out under him.

You tumbled to the ground along with him, the air temporarily abandoning your lungs at the impact of his firm chest against your rib cage. From under you, he groaned from what you thought was the force at which he hit the ground. Unbeknownst to you though, it was the fact that you were now frantically shuffling around to apologize to him, and you had sat directly onto his growing… dilemma.

“I’m so sorry.” You gasped out, your hands that had finally been released falling forward on either side of his head to support yourself. “Are you…”

Your breathless concern trailed off as you looked down at him to find he was already staring up at you, ruby eyes half-lidded with a certain hunger you weren’t sure you could place. Despite this, the intensity of them made an incriminating heat spread between your legs. Unlike you, Sukuna had experience in this walk of life, and he could pinpoint that look in your eyes that told him he wasn’t alone in his wandering thoughts. Still, he felt it was far from his place to make the first move— not when you’d clearly never been in such a position before.

So, he stayed perfectly still beneath you, save for the ragged rise and fall of his chest as your hair curtained around him and enveloped him in your scent. The tips of his fingers dug into the cushioned mat beneath him.

The tendrils of temptation swirling in his heated eyes made you realize that it was no wonder you had been so quick to believe the cautionary tales you were told about lust growing up. In all your years being raised alongside what were meant to be God’s children, his born again men, all of the lecherous gazes sent your way in the midst of sermons or while receiving the body and the blood— every last one of them held the threat of caged animals.

God said to abstain from the passions of the flesh because they’d wage war against your soul, but the scripture failed to mention the white flags your heart would so quickly wave when met by the eyes of the right beholder. Sukuna wasn’t sin, or lewd temptation— he wasn’t the morning star that would soon capture you in his fall from grace, despite how the uncharted emotions he stirred in you led you to believe. He couldn’t possibly be all those things— not when he was staring up at you as though your poorly timed awakening was a gift you were bestowing upon him.

The apprehension in your gaze was palpable, and, though he couldn’t be sure what his encouragement might mean, he allowed his head to tilt in the subtlest of nods at you. You hoped all the romance novels that you’d hide under the shoebox in your old bedroom hadn’t failed you as you leaned down with a timid quiver of your lips to offer your first kiss to him, one he could feel all the years of repression hidden behind.

A baritoned hum reverberated in the back of his throat as he allowed his eyes to shut, relishing in the feeling of your exploration. The sound served to validate your reserved actions, allowing you to melt against the way his doughy lips molded against you with all the confidence of an experienced man. Your chest gradually lowered against his, the hands that had since been idle by his head instinctively sliding up to grasp at his strapping shoulders that flexed dangerously under your touch.

It felt as though that incandescent ball of energy that had been building in your chest since the moment you first laid eyes on him was traveling up your throat, trailing a blazing heat in its wake while it spilled from your whimpering lips to find its home in him. Sukuna’s neck strained up to hungrily leverage a better angle to take whatever it was that you were willing to offer him.

The way your hands remained ever so timid in their exploration, one remaining balanced on his shoulder as the other trailed hesitantly up his neck— it was filling him with a warmth unbeknownst to him if from the anticipation of your next move, or the burning fondness that seemed to gnaw at his stone heart each time he was reminded of the innocence that had been forced on you. Whichever it was, it had his hands finally moving from their respectful place on the ground to lace your fingers together, guiding your trembling hand up to brush against his flexing jaw and heating cheeks until the message was set in stone that you could do with him whatever you pleased.

The sudden reassurance made way for your fingers’ insatiable journey up the remainder of his face and into his pink tufts of hair. Sukuna moaned unabashedly at the sensation of your once shy grip curling into his roots, the sound sending shockwaves through your already buzzing system as he bit at your bottom lip before his tongue raced out to chase the subtle sting away.

You arched against him, and it was then that you became painfully aware of the unfamiliar stiffness pressing against you. Though you knew that you had already crossed that strictly set moral line separating your human instinct from the parts of you that you could actually accept, it was still evident that this was completely different territory than a mere kiss. Even so, you couldn’t deny the way his concealed arousal excited you, pulling you like a magnet deeper into his allure.

The hand you had remaining on his chest curled into the fabric of his compression shirt as you pressed your hips down in a way you hoped was subtle. Of course, he could feel every breath and tremble of you though, and most definitely heard your gasp when your small shift caused him to press sinfully against your own heat.

It wasn’t what he had expected, not with how much courage it seemed to have taken for you to give into your temptation to simply kiss him, but he was pliant beneath you. Sukuna was offering up his own body to the altar of your self-discovery— and despite all the verses he swore to erase from his mind, he could suddenly recall through his wanton haze that the Bible referred to one’s own body being offered in sacrifice as the utmost form of spiritual worship. It was far from him to agree with the very pages that tormented his youth, but as you experimentally rolled your hips against him to chase that pooling desire spreading through you, he was sure that he was a man of the Lord once again.

Your lips parted from his, foreheads still pressed together while the barely audible, breathless moans slipped from you. He watched your expression fervently, taking note of that subtle frustration that creased between your brows in the pursuit of a relief that your clumsy ruts were insufficient to provide. Reaching up, his hands closed around your waist to adjust you over his straining length.

“Try now.” Sukuna instructed in that husky tone of his that only made your affliction that much more damning, slipping a strand of your hair carefully behind your ear to get a better look at you.

Ever the obedient student, you did as he said, though it hardly took any effort on your end as his urging hands aided in the steady rhythm of your thrusts. It wasn’t long before you were steadying your hands against his chest, too overwhelmed by the foreign pleasure to be embarrassed by your pitched moans.

Faster than you could grasp, everything that you had been told for so long was being pushed to the back of your mind to make room for him. He was rendering you utterly speechless with only his half-lidded stare and charitable hands. Sukuna thought if he didn’t keep his hands glued to your hips that they may be tempted to drift up your top, ablaze with an infuriating curiosity of what it was you always hid under those baggy shirts.

He didn’t though, and perhaps that’s why you felt emboldened enough to chase the pleasure you’d been told was corrupt all this time. You couldn’t possibly feel the immorality the congregation always spat upon the act, because his hands were so much different than the pleasure-driven ones that grabbed at you with no regard to your own wishes. Sukuna’s hands were driven by a desire to teach you as they had been doing so diligently for weeks now, eyes studying you much like they studied your posture before you’d take a swing at him.

Your release was building, swirling within the pits of your stomach and so incriminatingly evident in your shortening gasps, your scrunched face and nails that dug into the firm muscles of his clothed chest. The groan that escaped him sounded so melodic through the blood coursing in your ears. It left your fingertips brushing against the waves of your release, encouraged by the knowing glint in his eyes.

A muted gasp of his name began to fall from your parted lips, but he only nodded at you hazily.

“I know, Princess, c’mon.”

The safety of his encouragement had you tipping over that rapidly building precipice, squeezing your eyes shut until he tapped at your ass with a firm command to look at him. It was when you opened your eyes back up though, a peculiar type of fuzziness clouding the edges when a glimmering caught your attention from your peripheral. Your gaze drifted up to where the dull lights were catching on the charm sprawled out on the floor by your fallen bag. It was your cross necklace— the one that had been lying forgotten at the bottom of your bag for weeks now.

The sight of it clutched at your already racing heart, bringing you to a stammering halt as you jolted back with a mortified gasp. Sukuna quickly sat up at the sudden abandonment of your release.

“What—”

“I-I’m so sorry.” You whispered frantically, your fluttering gaze desperately attempting to hold back the tears lining your waterline.

You flinched back when his grip on your waist tightened with concern, and it was enough to make him release you all together. His hands fell slowly in bewilderment while you shuffled backwards until you were off of him.

“The fuck do you mean ‘sorry’?” His tone was harsh as always, but he just wanted to understand the sudden fear in your energy that hadn’t flared up in his presence since that first time you two met.

“I shouldn’t have…” You shook your head, a trembling hand coming up to cover the lips that you’d allowed to act so blasphemously. “It was wrong, I—”

“Did it look like you were doing anything fucking wrong to me?”

“But I should have known better— I do know better.” At this point, it appeared as though you weren’t talking to him anymore, but to yourself, to whatever part of you was telling you that what you two just shared was anything other than pure. Shaking your head, you stumbled up to your feet, and Sukuna quickly followed suit. “If they found out—”

You stopped yourself, almost as though you knew you were about to open a can of worms that he would not be so easily coaxed to close back up. He narrowed his sharp eyes at you.

“If who found out?”

“I should leave—”

“Like hell you should.” Sukuna hulking arm shot out over your head to shut the door you were frantically prying open. The tears you had been desperately withholding were stinging furiously at your fluttering eyes. “Who are you trying to protect yourself from?”

At his astute question, you only looked down, somehow feeling both exposed and safe entrapped by his imposing figure.

“Huh?”

“I don’t know, Sukuna.”

“You don’t know.” He chuckled bitterly with a nod, staring at the wall by your head with a far off look in his eyes that told you he wasn’t letting this go anytime soon. “Why don’t you show me what you’ve learned then, huh?”

An urging hand was placed at the small of your back, and he was leading you quickly back to the mat.

“Please, just let—”

“Nah, we’ve still got half an hour left.” Sukuna firmly shut down your plea before nodding for you to get into proper form. “Go ahead and take me down.”

It didn’t matter how unwavering you attempted to make your glare, his firm stance didn’t falter as he awaited your first move with a calloused expression that contrasted so starkly against the passionate way he was gazing up at you just minutes prior. Sinking your teeth harshly into your bottom lip, your body trembled as you adjusted your posture and lunged into a side step to swipe at his feet.

It was just as he’d taught you— always using your opponent’s size against them to knock them off balance. You had done it perfectly too, but this time around he wasn’t so lenient in falling over in demonstration as he normally did. This time, he had a point to prove, and his firmly planted feet didn’t falter at your sweep as he took the opportunity to reach down and swallow you up by your midsection.

A grunt of frustration rolled from you as he hoisted you easily into the air. You kicked out your legs, trying with every last ounce of your waning energy to hit his groin, his shins, stomach— anywhere that might allow you to escape. It was all for naught though, and he was absorbing each of your comparably weak blows as he kneeled to the ground and pinned you beneath him.

“Escape.” The practically fuming man commanded again, pinning both your hands at the small of your back.

Your flaming cheek was pressed against the cushioned mat, beginning to gloss over with the sheen of sweat your exertion was producing. Each exasperated pant that escaped you was bringing you closer and closer to understanding just what it was that he was trying to prove, yet you still strained against his grip and jostled your shoulders desperately.

“What are you gonna do if whoever the fuck they are find you, huh?” He had lowered himself until his chest was pressed against your back, his lips brushing against your feverish ear.

The since built up tears finally boiled over as the last shred of hope and energy abandoned you, falling limp against the mat as the salty waves cascaded freely down your cheeks. His grip on your wrists slowly eased up, and that harsh scowl was being replaced with a more resigned frown.

“I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.” Sukuna rationed with you.

In truth, his resolve was breaking with each heaving sob that spilled from your lips. Finally releasing you all together, he watched in barely concealed unease as you made no attempt to move from your position on the floor. So, he instead worked to pull you up himself, shoving your trembling form against his chest as his eyes remained locked blankly at the counter behind you.

“I left— I-I ran away.” Your confession was barely comprehensible through your desolate sobs. “I didn’t tell anyone, I just left. I had to leave. I had to—”

“What do you mean you had to?”

Your nose burrowed deeper into his sternum before you shook your head.

“I tried; I tried, and I prayed, and I begged God to lead me back on his path, but I just… I couldn’t do it anymore.” You continued to babble as you clutched at his shirt. The more you spiraled down the memories you left behind, the more scared he was becoming of what you might tell him. “I thought he was trying to test me— test my faith, but how could I trust in a God that abandoned me like that? That let them…”

Your face scrunched with the trailing of your words. It made a ball of nauseating dread pool in Sukuna’s stomach, his face hardening once again.

“Let them what?”

“They told me that lust was blasphemous, that God’s children didn’t give into sins of the flesh, but they used the same hands to pray as they did to wander when offering me my blessings every Sunday. What was that supposed to tell me about my God?”

The man’s jaw clicked with the force of his clench as he absorbed your infuriated explanation. Your tears were rapidly becoming ones of rage, continuing to recall each time you stood in waiting, dreading your weekly eucharist as you knew how the associate preacher’s hands liked to stray too far as he performed the sign of the cross against your chest.

“I thought I was doing the right thing.” You cried, pulling away from him to shove your face into your hands. “So why do I feel like I’ve damned myself? Like I’ve turned against God’s will?”

“God’s will wasn’t for you to be used by those lowlife fucking perverts hiding behind the Bible.” Sukuna finally snapped, trying with everything in him to level his voice lest he displace the rage swimming through his veins.

“But how am I any better, Sukuna?” Your sudden outburst took him aback. “I gave in too.”

He scoffed incredulously at you. It wasn’t you that he was so bothered by though, it was the depths in which those people had sunk their claws into your psyche that irked him so deeply. Grasping at your jaw so you’d look him in the eyes, the solemn expression on his face made you shiver.

“How are you any better? Because you wanted it this time, and so did I.” He emphasized, and your damp face flushed furiously at his words. “Don’t you dare fucking compare what they did to you to what happened back there.”

Clutching at the wrist of the hand that grasped you, you tugged at it to no avail, shaking your head once again against his hand.

“You don’t get it—”

“Oh, I don’t?” Another menacingly bitter laugh slipped past his lips. “You don’t think I grew up hearing the same bullshit? That I had to beg forgiveness for shit that wasn’t my responsibility to be sorry for?”

The grip you had around his wrist faltered as his words sunk in. You allowed your eyes to rake over his tattooed face, as though you couldn’t believe that someone who appeared so starkly different than you had once absorbed the very lessons that had placed you before him in the first place.

“I had a twin, you know— least I was supposed to. Preacher used to tell my mom that God took her baby away because she gave into temptation out of wedlock.”

The tremble in your bottom lip didn’t stop him from driving his point home, not even when your eyes began to pool once again with regret.

“You know I still remember that damn verse line for line? No matter how much I tried to forget it.” Sukuna’s desolate tone continued to tug at your heartstrings, but it was almost freeing to hear that perhaps you weren’t the only one forced by your circumstances to question the faith that had been thrust upon you. “‘But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away from his own lust, and enticed. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin; and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.’”

His thumb reached up to swipe at the fresh tears that began to fall from your sorrowful eyes despite the fact that it was his grief that was filling the space between you. He had finished his drawn out battle against his own spirit long ago though.

“You think that’s what I am? Death conceived? That I was a punishment from God cause my mom wanted to fool around?”

“No— I don’t think that.” You finally cried out firmly, and it was the first decision you’d made in quite awhile that you felt confident in. “You’re none of those things. I won’t believe that.”

“How do you know that?” He tested, drawing you closer to him with a burning desire to kiss away each tear that dared disturb that kind face of yours.

“Because you’re good, and you’re kind, and you’re everything they ever told me to be afraid of,” You heard the sharp inhale he tried to conceal, because of all the sharp tongues that had spat troves of profanities at him, no one had ever called him good. “But they were wrong about you, and so was I.”

Humming deeply at your explanation, he tilted his head at you.

“So, what the fuck makes you think they were right about anything else?”

His challenge lingered in the heavy air between you, your breaths mingling as you stared down at the lips that had just spun your world on its axis. It had been a lifetime of being told that your body wasn’t to be trusted— that it would test and betray you time and time again. At the very least, despite the notion acting as a marionette puppetting each thought and breath you’d experienced thus far, there was some sort of safety in the familiarity of your cage.

Still, Sukuna seemed to be awaiting you outside the confinement of your apprehension with all the beauty you once thought akin to the devil himself, but you had come to realize that he was the closest thing to holy you’d ever held within your grasp before. You wrestled with the part of you that had been conditioned to believe your worth was in your virtue and your purity, and the part of you that thought his lips were proof that man truly was created in God’s image.

He could see the storm brewing behind your apprehensive eyes, biting back the sharp lecture that was instinctively conjuring up in the back of his mind that would shake at your shoulders to snap out of the chains they’d bound your mind with. Instead, a strained sigh fanned out across your face, and he was suddenly reaching behind you to grab your abandoned necklace.

“I’m not telling you to give all this shit up.” He murmured, twisting the cool, silver cross between his fingers.

Looking down at the pendant, you weren’t sure that you could recall a time that it ever appeared so blinding. After a moment of contemplation, he lifted it carefully before draping it across your neck once again. Your nose brushed against his chest as he leaned forward to secure the clasp in the back. Of all the years it spent weighing down on your chest, you couldn’t help but feel that Sukuna had taken a certain weight off of it that had since been suffocating you.

The tips of his hair tickled at your cheek as his head dipped down to press heated kisses to your jaw. Your lips parted, head falling to the side unconsciously to allow him more room. The gentle moans he was procuring from you made the corners of his lips twitch up as they trailed down your neck and left goosebumps in their wake. It wasn’t long before his descent led him to the pendant laying proudly against your chest, and he pressed a final kiss to it before lifting his head once again.

“But don’t let it make you believe shit you don’t want to, you hear me?” You only nodded, eyes transfixed on his lips as they drew closer to yours. His thumb pressed down against your chin to hold you in place for him to offer you a fervent kiss, sighing yearningly into you before pulling back. “If I’m not a sin then you sure as hell aren’t one either.”

You smiled softly at his words, chasing his lips while your hands twisted more confidently up his nape and into his hair.

Truthfully, you weren’t sure if it mattered to you anymore whether or not Sukuna was sin incarnate, or a test of your faith, or God’s punishment to an unholy woman, or whatever it was that your father would so ardently convince you of. Right now, his hands were traversing your waist with a tenderness no man had ever bestowed upon you, and his heathen tongue was knocking at your lips in search of permission to enter. You understood more with every inch of you he kissed why Lucifer had fallen from grace with the hope of being worshipped himself.

Your father, if he was even looking for the daughter that had fled from his feigned mercy, would simply have to forgive you of your sins.

a/n: where my ethel cain girlies at

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