#how i beat shaq

[lesmurples]

Kinda fucked up that Shaq outlived Aaron Carter

[elliespectacular]

How Michael Rosen Beat Shaq

A YTPMV of "That's How I Beat Shaq" by Aaron Carter, primarily made up of clips from Michael Rosen's "The Hypnotizer" recordings from 2008

Full video with captions here

Thanks <3

[vivitalks]

yeah i could branch out and listen to other dnd podcasts but then when would i have time to relisten to every taz campaign in order for the 364937th time

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

I generally think I have a pretty good taste in music but I will sometimes just listen to That's How I Beat Shaq by Aaron Carter unironically

[holdoncallfailed]

last night i dreamt that "that's how i beat shaq" by aaron carter was included in the rolling stone 500 best songs of all time list

[glogster]

there’s a nonexistent pomplamoose cover of that’s how I beat shaq that’s always stuck in my head

[usoud-tournament]

Who would win in a fight to the death?

Info:

Aaron Carter: A multi-platinum '90s teen pop sensation, in a 2001 song titled "That’s How I Beat Shaq" he describes how he beat Shaq in a 1V1 basketball game. Shaq later revealed that Aaron actually has beaten him in a game of HORSE.

Shaq: Full name Shaquille O'Neal, Shaq is regarded as one of the greatest basketball players of all time with numerous MVP rewards, teams going into the finals, and iconic plays. He is listed as being 7' 1" and 325 pounds.

[jrueships]

Okay i caved to the questions. welcome to ted's omegaverse except there's like no omegas in the verse. Pls don't kill me

Omegas Exist, but... the sportsworld is far too toxic for most to exist Normally, i mean. Male sports especially, but even the wnba had a streak at the start of their development where it was originally believed that only female alphas would just Barely be strong enough to commit to a sport ( a bad mix of misogyny and secondary hierarchy ) . Male-dominated sports have the similar feel in terms of outdated stances plaguing public opinion, but keep it simpler with ' only Alphas are strong enough for Sport.'

However, this has started to change.

Not in favor of the omega, no, don't be silly! Nothings ever in favor of Them.

It's not Exactly favor of The Beta either, but the betas do at least get to keep their name. You see, betas play fundamental roles in team sports especially. They may not be as valued (not in a star sense, but a 'i need a wheel that'll make this car move (team gain traction/fans) and a beta would be perfect' valuing kind of sense. You're just a worker, but hey! At least you CAN work, right? Unlike The Invaluables.) in independent sports like boxing, but good betas are Critical to a TEAM that needs a Championship -- that needs Roleplayers .

Team rulebook 5. Betas are the Best roleplayers. That's the best fame they'll ever seem to get, it seems.

Although some delusional fans and sometimes gms may try to construct a team of mainly alphas (either a lot of young alpha top picks or veteran alpha players hungry for a win ) for the raw power, intensity, and.. cool factor.. it usually falls apart pretty sadly. They need a mediator, someone who won't get greedy or frustrated with the fame or lack of it. Someone who's willing to pass, willing to come in and be the clog rather than the mechanic, someone who's a Beta whose only sense of belonging Is belonging.

Sports rulebook 6. Betas Stand Second.

Most betas have accepted this before entering a sport, ever since Scottie Pippen embarrassed himself for trying to flip the Beta narrative and failing laughably .

Betas can be bad. Bill Laimbeer will beat the breaks off anyone. They can also be good. Pippen would try to middleman Jordan's frustrations with his team, especially the rups (rookie 'pups', men playfully called pups because they're new to the sport). Shaq and Magic both have humorous charms that make them Feel like alphas.. but they needed more to get a ring. They needed alpha teammates, ultimately. no matter how big or bad or good a Beta may be, they are always Second. But they should never, never be considered first. That's an alpha's job. Orlando made that mistake drafting a beta to win them a ring, a beta that would eventually leave to ringchase with any alpha he could. Shaq's a bit shameless for a beta, but being shameless is maybe the only path to 'fame' (becoming a simple shtick to an easy-to-remember title, either being Sidekick, Dumb, Helpful, Funny, Enforcer, etc) for the life of a beta. Why? Because

Sports rulebook 1. Your Alpha Must Take Over.

Alphas can come in different shapes and sizes. Not all alphas are big and burly. They're not all hyper-confident or aggressive for no reason. But they Do have to come and take over a team. They DO HAVE TO feel possessive over their players, obsessive over their plays. Betas are there just to work, PICKED just to WORK, but alphas? Alphas are different. They Have to be the spark.

Michael Jordan was an alpha who presented very, very late. No one is exactly sure when he presented. Even Michael's story changes from before getting cut in highschool to after to college to the 'flu' game. But Everyone, at one point, thought he was a beta. ( His siblings laugh at this. )And then he wasn't. And then he won. And then he became a dictator .

But, again, there's a lot of alphas that haven't won. Charles Barkley, hilarious and prickly, perhaps too prickly at times, can be his own downfall from either sheer laziness or stubbornness. Some didnt always 'Win' in life like alpha fanboys or alpha egoists might try to persuade. Wilt was great, but personality-wise? .... other alphas like Kareem butted heads with him.. and even betas like Magic would then butt heads with Kareem! Allen Iverson played by his own self-indulgent rules and won through his fashionable impact, self-oriented liberation, and also lost by playing his own self-indulgent rules through trouble with money. Isiah Thomas defends his team and their troubles like a bull, oftentimes a hypocritical.. near-sighted bull. Larry Bird? Competitive. And fucking Rude.

Sports rulebook .....: Alphas Can Be Double-Edged To Either The Team, or Themselves

Alphas whose talent alone failed them by being either not enough, not determined, or entirely different to the subject become disgruntled sports 'analysts' who criticize betas or 'wannabe alphas' aka alphas whose behaviors don't seem 'alpha' enough (too docile). Others become known as busts. Others disappear. Others refuse to give up on their alpha birthright, scratching tooth and nail in the gleague, a disaster league of rups, failed alphas, struggling betas still trying to learn their place, and a few undercover omegas on suppressants. They can bounce around trying to take over team from team, or try to act more like a beta just to gain a secure job, only for their old trained instincts of Stardom to swoop in and make them seem stubborn and selfish (hog the ball during crucial moments). Many become coaches whose attachment to the game is almost parasitic as a purpose. Commentating is another option to fuel that parasocial fire.

You live as an alpha, you die as an alpha. It's a Sport.

That is, until Rodman happened.

Hes not an alpha, some thought he was, during his bulls era. But at the beginning, he was a beta. A gangly pistons player during the dirty work of defense. A beta who blended into whatever his team was, a bad boy, a nitty gritty, a winner, a loser -- whatever his team needed, he became. And then, his team needed him traded.

He started taking more, at first. Started becoming defiant, becoming aggravated. Paranoid at Popovich's overwhelmingly alpha abuse of power, of persistence, of Perception.

Isiah begged him to keep it easy, it's not safe to take so much, it's Untested. It's got side effects, he's seen them from players who wanted to get as far as rodman could but couldn't. They weren't strong like rodman. Another alpha giving him his unsolicited opinion. Bill told him to suck it up. Betas can be so bitter. Pop's yelling. Such a dusty smell, red sand that made your nose itch and not in the fun, just snorted ski slopes way. And now he's gotta deal with Pippen's wary, flipflop scent of calming then chilling hormones soothing then spiking the air as most betas do. And now, he's got Michael telling him to--

... Michael's pouring his pills down the toliet, both his heat suppressants .. and his Rut Inducers. He's skipped from telling and has gone straight to Doing .

One look from the ??? and Rodman realized.

Rodman realized he was tired of wanting to be wanted like a starting alpha but personal enough to be privately pressed like a working beta. Rodman realized a lot of things about himself and others that day. 1. He was tired of always crumbling to others' norms. 2. 'ROIDing' is an action that can be used primarily by athletes because they can afford it. 3. Other athletes besides himself have/can do it. 4. He's just the only one that's made it now known to the world that He is Dennis Rodman, He is an Omega, and He's used ROIDing to void his omega symptoms with suped up suppressants then Replicated Rut with raging inducers & created a Beautifully sensitive Beta, then, increasing both doses heavily, an abstract Alpha.

In short, yeah, he's used ROIDs. But he's stopping now. He's playing completely without the doses. Not too little, not too much, it's done. Zero. Isn't that great? Isn't that what sports always preach in the end? That it's You who wins or loses in the end. Not just your Talent, or your Drive, your Reach, it's You. You, crazy culmination You, who matters ultimately in Your world.

So why is everyone so horrified.

The sport changes after this. A few, just a few, omegas can show now, like, actually Show and not curtain themselves behind overloaded prescriptions. Apparently, even betas could ROID back then with just rut inducers to enhance alpha behavior and appear or Become alphas as long as they continue to doses. But most scrutiny lies in omegas ROIDing into betas, since it's a much easier dose to take in comparison to an omega -> alpha jump, which can have devastating side effects -- the most harmful being mental. Only those determined enough, Insane enough can commit themselves fully without cutting too abruptly and creating even more damage through their hesitancy. And even if the process is completed, the effects may be harsher than expected.

Betas start to become the new scrutinized spotlight, either torn by criticism of doing too much or too little, or skepticism on whether or not they're 'Real'. Alphas, in turn, get desperate to outshine the shiners, whether accomplishing that feat via negative or positive means. It's rumored some have even started turning themselves into Betas now, hard dosing rut suppressants when they're that desperate to try and tame the ego that torments them. Some say it's for the better, some respond brilliantly to the dose, it was made for them, it was Them. Old packs often rip these kind of thoughts to shreds, not caring for empathetic stances, just their black & white view of what was once written. New packs accept the dosing, but the worst of the new packs pick and choose which to, either Everyone Has To or only The Good Ones can. Old players get their legacies questioned because their secondary hierarchy is questioned. Was Magic Really a beta? Or was he a self-conscious, self-compensating omega who craved the lure of feeling needed? And then even went an extra step with the rut inducers to make him a Shiny beta, charismatic enough to peacock? Or was he just that Magic to be a really flashy beta? OR OR.. is magic all of that at once? Maybe, if he did do it, he needed to?

ROIDing is a necessary medicine in sport now, newly designated as necessary using overstimulation risk as a reason to protect too many players from imprisonment & eventual shut down of the sport since suppressants were part of every player ( keeps betas clear-headed and alphas consolable ). But it's still debated by any side a group may conjoin as. The threat of its illegalization is looming. Violence, fear, envy, hatred. Trust no one.

Fuck Everyone ?

oh, yeah, anyone can top or bottom here. That at least remains the same. Positions can just go against the grain in less secret now.. however, that doesn't mean they're all exactly Comfortable to, though .

But you know who's mighty comfy?

Dennis is doing just fine. Eccentric, quiet, grounded, true, omega, stubborn, beta, alpha, callous: Dennis.

[angelpray]

Ran/Mark/Simon | he/they + hy/hymn/hymnself neos!

I’m just having a good time :) follows from metfell

note: minors do not follow me, i am a mature blog, i just enjoy having an icon so i am not flagging myself.

icon credit: ME!!

pronouns.cc link: LINK

pinterest board: LINK

spotify playlist: LINK

[deukaeloveclub]

RULES: When you get this you have to put 5 songs you actually listen to, then tag 10 people!!

tagged by @lottieurl

I actually had to make a playlist as an assignment so I'm choosing 5 of those songs. It's a bit of a throwback list but they're songs I have listened to a lot at some point

The Real Group - Words

dodie - She

Bowling For Soup - 1985

Aaron Carter - That's How I Beat Shaq

Ludacris, Nicki Minaj - My Chick Bad

[tkachuktkaching]

Matthew Tkachuk talks impact of 1st season with Panthers, Cup Final in Q&A

Forward discusses becoming face of franchise, growing hockey in Florida with NHL.com

For what it's worth, the Florida Panthers forward is ready for the challenge.

"Maybe some teams feel the heat in these high-pressure situations, but we don't really feel that way," Tkachuk said. "We're having fun. 

"No one expected us to be here.

First off, you are quite familiar with the Golden Knights, your Pacific Division rivals during your time with the Calgary Flames. What stands out to you about Vegas?

"I think with Vegas, it's always been a tough place to play. And they have [big defensemen] who are great at things like blocking shots and using their sticks to break up plays. And they have some high-end forwards with great speed and can beat you off the rush."

Twelve months ago, you were with the Calgary Flames and dealing with the disappointment of being eliminated in five games by the Edmonton Oilers, your bitter Battle of Alberta rivals, in the Western Conference Second Round. Two months later, on July 22, you were traded to the Panthers in a blockbuster deal for forward Jonathan Huberdeau, defenseman MacKenzie Weegar, forward prospect Cole Schwindt and a first-round pick in the 2025 NHL Draft. Now, here you are, on the verge of playing in your first Final. What has this year-long journey been like?

"It's been crazy. It's been a great change lifestyle-wise and living-wise. I so enjoyed my time in Calgary, and we obviously had a great group of guys up there. So many great memories. But coming down here, it's really been truly amazing. I wouldn't say I'm truly surprised about that or how it's been on the ice, but it's just been such a great fit. I knew it was going to be great, but I didn't think it was going to be as great as it is now. It's been awesome. Just being on a new team. Helping to grow the game here. A new team, a new environment, a great city to live and play in. It's all been awesome.

You talk about helping grow the game here, and part of that is helping new fans to be exposed to the team. It seems to be working, given how fans were chanting your name when you were on the TNT set with Shaq and Charles at Kaseya Center in downtown Miami before Game 6 of the Eastern Conference Final between the Miami Heat and Boston Celtics on Saturday. What was going through your mind when you heard that, let alone the chance to hang out with such NBA royalty?

"Yeah, it went surprisingly well, as you saw. Surprisingly, there were tons -- ok, I shouldn't say surprisingly -- but there were tons of people behind the set just watching us talk. And they were all saying, 'Go Panthers.' And, like you said, all that stuff, so that was insane. And I wasn't expecting anything like that. And then when they showed me on the Jumbotron at the game, the tons of people by me, well, just seeing the recognition our team is getting in myself and everything, it's just awesome to be part of."

You've almost become an unofficial ambassador for the team. We saw that at NHL All-Star weekend here in early February when you were here, there and everywhere around town. Is that a role you purposely looked to fill?

"No. Definitely didn't purposely do that. I've never purposely thought about that. But I just think when you're on a winning team, you gather a lot more people watching you. Obviously we've got a great fan base already, but you're attracting more and more people to watch games, and to come to games, and support, and to know who we are off the ice, and everything. So I think that's a cool thing."

At the same time, do you understand you've become the face of this franchise, even if that wasn't your intention?

"Yeah, I don't really think about it like that. I just think I'm lucky to be in the spots that I am, like doing the thing the other night with Shaq and Charles. It was just so cool and so fun. Who would have ever thought I'd be in a spot like that? The last two months, everything's kind of just gone so well and it's been so much fun on the ice and off. Just riding the wave right now. And there's still another step to go."

Could you have ever dreamed it would have ever worked out like this?

"I knew it was going to be great and maybe a great change, but I don't think anybody would have expected it to go quite like this and how it's gone. You know, I think we all know this is always the dream to be in this position playing for a Stanley Cup, but the way we got here was definitely not scripted, that's for sure, making the playoffs by one point and being the eighth seed in the East.

You've been a difference maker in Florida's road to get here. Your brother Brady, who's the captain of the Ottawa Senators and spent time in Koepka's suite in Game 3 of the Eastern Conference Final against the Carolina Hurricanes, said on a Toronto radio station Friday that your performance inspires him to be more of that guy who influences games. How have you been able to come through in these clutch moments time and time again, including scoring the series winner against Carolina with 4.9 seconds left in Game 4?

"I just think I've been really lucky in that … well, with the people around me and the positions I've been in, being in the right spot but not doing all the hard work. It's the guys around me that have been doing the hard work that people don't see. They might just see my end of it because I'm in the right spot. Again, I'm lucky. We've gone on a great run here. And we're going to try to continue it the best we can and have fun. I'm just trying to do my part."

Final question. To your point, how much does your confidence swell when you're on a run like this, with four game-winners, including three in OT? Do you embrace what is known in sports as "The Guy," almost like the basketball player who at crunch time always wants the ball?

"I just think everyone wants to be "That Guy." I definitely do, for sure. I just think the calmness we have is translated into those big moments for our whole team. I think that's what's really made us successful, is being so calm and such. Like I said, we don't seem to feel the pressure in those clutch moments like other teams might."

via nhl.com

[violentbirds]

Every time I hear that Aaron Carter died, I forget it almost instantly— and then I’m shocked a few months later when I talk about my favorite song “That’s How I Beat Shaq” and someone says “i can’t believe he died :/“ and I just…. “🫨”

[iamonlyhereforthefreefood]

Spotify Wrapped only looks at the music you listen to from January to October so now that it's November I can listen to Big Dumb Sex and That's How I Beat Shaq as much as I want.

[hyumjim]

10, 13, 21

three songs ask set

10: three favourite Halloween/spooky songs

this is so funny umm okay

the monster mash

2. the monster fuck

3. the monster fuck part 7 haunt-ika edition

13: three songs you want at your funeral

that's an insane question, I can't answer that. I'll just say the answer to that question is the same as the previous one. the monster mash, the monster fuck, and the monster fuck part 7 hauntika

21: three songs of your childhood

(also requested by @hanarchy !)

aaron carter "that's how I beat shaq" RIP TO A YUNG KING

2. 3LW "no more" AYO YOU PROMISED ME KATE SPADE BUT THAT WAS LAST YEAR BOY IN THE EIGHTH GRADE!!!!! bars on bars on bars

3. jump5 "all i can do" this is a DEEP CUT. I was obsessssssed with this song they used to play it on radio disney and shit i think. idk but these people are like christian aryan teen abstinence promoters and they made ZERO IMPACT except on ME!

wow thanks for this ask, we've got a total of zero good songs in this entire post let's fucking goooo

[reizeken]

Everlasting

short excerpt from the end of a lebron/steph fic I'll write ig. Despite the hopeful tone they ARE NOT TOGETHER IN THE CURRENT DAY, BRON WAS LYING TO HIMSELF

"Hey, bron?"

Lebron paused his dribbling workouts and looked across the outdoor court, admiring how the oversized warriors' jersey hung over Steph's tiny body. 

"What's up?"

Steph paused, the familiar pout fixing itself on his face before he gathered a deep breath and continued.

"If we become direct competitors would you… yannow, leave me?"

Lebron sucked in a harsh breath, his entire body feeling like he ran into one of Shaq's screens, wholly unprepared for such a serious question being flung at him. It's not like LeBron didn’t think about a situation where Steph and he are rivals, where Steph is the primary obstacle to his success. Before Steph got drafted, when Steph was a sweet college kid and bron was his cool NBA boyfriend. And he knew that Steph was the same, a front-seat audience to all of Bron’s temper tantrums when he lost in a particularly heated game. But Lebron’s momma had raised him better than that, his momma told him to take good care of Steph, and he would never let down his momma. 

“I would be lying if I said I know for sure,” Lebron replied, voice breaking off minutely in odd intervals. Steph sucked in a breath at that, sharp but understanding. Lebron has thought about it, getting beaten by Steph in the finals, watching his glory, his fame getting lessened by the beautiful man who was as ruthless and competitive as the self-proclaimed king of Akron himself. But he never dwelled too long on it. As much as he wanted Steph to succeed, he wanted to be the best himself, and he was sure that Steph wouldn’t, couldn’t intervene in that way. But if he did… He would not blow up on Steph the way he did against the Mavs and the Celtics, that much he was sure of. 

“However, even if you somehow managed to beat me…” Lebron muttered, glancing at the way Steph scoffed playfully at the stressed tone Bron’s voice took at the mere thought of defeat, “I can say for sure that my feelings for you ain’t gonna change. I’mma still love you no matter what.”

Steph’s eyes went impossibly wide at that, green eyes reflecting thousands of emotions, glassy like the san Francisco bay, and bron felt his breath be taken away all over again. “How are you so sure of that Bron, how can you say that with certainty when you know what you did last time you lost?” Steph pressed again, voice growing airy with emotions, both positive and negative. Lebron grabbed Steph's forearms, not being able to remember when they moved this close to each other, all he wanted to do was press kisses into Steph's forehead and reassure him. 

“I’ll admit that, well, I don’t take kindly to losing.” Lebron replied, lips brushing against Steph who was now wrapped in his arms, “But if I lose you, I’ll lose the part of myself that acted less like a douche,” Steph let out a breathy giggle at that statement, which made Bron smile slightly as well. 

“You’re like basketball to me Steph, I can’t lose you.”

Steph’s breath hitched with disbelief, but no one could deny that he was unequivocally happy at this very moment.  It was more surprising than anything, that Lebron, you know the sore loser Lebron James himself, the competitive, hard-headed, dumbass that he loved despite all his flaws would admit his feelings out loud instead of suppressing them. The rare display of Lebron being soft in public made Steph’s heart fill up ten-fold.

“H-hey Steph, you there?” Lebron asked eyebrows raised in concern at the fact that Steph suddenly stopped moving, half-concerned at the redness of Steph’s face and that he might’ve died of asphyxiation.

“Y-you can’t just say stuff like that Bron…” Steph pouted, cheeks puffing up like a chipmunk that made Lebron stifle a laugh that threatened to escape. “How am I supposed to beat that statement…”

“You ain’t beating shit.” Lebron retorted, which earned him a playful shove. “But I mean it, I won’t let you go.”

“Wow, that’s a villain-Esque dialogue, are you trying to catch a case?”

“I meant every word, why you gotta be a bitch…” Lebron teased, grabbing Steph’s gloved hand and dragging him towards the house, smiling softly at the cute complaints that the smaller man let out at the rough treatment.

He didn’t know how successful he was in convincing Steph but he hadn’t lied at all. He was extremely sure that he would never, ever let go of Steph, no matter what. He loved Steph with everything in his heart, and he knew that would not change.

After all, his love for Steph helped him conquer everything in his path, the natural way of a conqueror, 

His love for Steph was everlasting.

[joslincox]

Aaron Carter - Aaron's Party (Come Get It) (2000)

Aaron's Party (Come Get It)

I Want Candy

Bounce

My Internet Girl

That's How I'd Beat Shaq

The Clapping Song

Iko Iko

Real Good Time

Tell Me What You Want

Girl You Shine

Life Is A Party (From "Rugrats In Paris: The Movie")

(Have Some) Fun In The Funk

Hang On Sloppy

Jump Jump