#how do i get you to respond

[wxvzkk]

i wish people like genuinely told me how they thought of me, and like i know even if they do, i'll still feel like they hate me and secretly hate me. im so scared of me thinking im close with someone but they hate me and talk bad about me to people they're actually close to. like i dont ask people to hang out because i have such a huge fear or being rejected, im so scared of being unwanted but its all i feel 24/7. i feel hated by everyone and when they act certain ways it doesn't do any good to my thoughts. i sit and wait for hours on end for responses and i get none and thats when i feel hated. i distance myself and i accept i am not as important to them as they are to me. i dont think i tell people how important they are to me and i feel like they deserve it but i dont think they care. i want to tell my friends that i care and love them but i'm far too scared of them not caring to read it or finding my messages stupid. i want to send people, that i havent had a true conversation with for months now, how much i care about them but i'm too scared that the reason they dont respond is because i'm annoying. i know i suck at responding and i fear every day that i bring these feelings to others and i try so hard to respond whenever i see the messages but sometimes i forget or i dont see the notification until 2 hours later and im not sure i can even complain when people dont respond because i do the same. i wonder if they think of me like i do them, i wonder if they actually care about me, i wonder if this is all one sided. i wonder if i stopped answering or sending anything if they would ask whats wrong, actually i dont think they would. i dont think my friends care about me, i dont think anyone does actually. ive never felt like someone does and i find that hilarious. i try to show how much i care for others but not one person has ever showed me that same level. i just wish someone did? i wish someone other than my older sister, who is fearing constantly for my safety and whether i snap and end it all, would ask me how i was doing. i think my sister only asks me because of the fact shes so scared of me actually doing it. i wish someone showed they cared but i know they wont and honestly i dont expect them to. i would lie to them anyway, tell them im fine when im not, i only post this all on here because i know they wont react, they wont speak of it, its a hushed post, theyre too scared of bringing it up, or they simply just dont care. and thats okay.

[valtsv]

that shitty thing some people do where they compliment something about you, only to take it back and reveal that it was meant to be a joke at your expense when you sincerely thank them for it, used to bother me until i realised that you can just. keep it. refuse to hand that power back to them. they are never prepared to deal with this.

[littlecrittereli]

Wanted to doodle some comfort bros to balance out the angst of my recent posts lol

Hey pookies! Just wanted to say I really appreciate all the love and support I've been receiving lately for Decoded! I always love your comments/asks/fanart/memes, it genuinely has been bringing me so much joy and I'm so grateful for it <3

I know I said I had a lot of art to post (and then proceeded to post none of it LOL) I'm just a little overwhelmed rn with some life stuff so sorry for the wait! I also have a lot asks that I haven't gotten to and I apologize for that as well!

Trying my best to keep up, but I haven't had a lot of time recently. Art's gonna be a little delayed, but don't worry Chapter 8 is still gonna come out this Saturday as scheduled!

[inkskinned]

no, but really, we need to talk about the casual objectification that has become the fallback discourse of the internet: if you're pretty and dressed nicely, you're a slut. and if you're even vaguely outside of their body standard, you're fucking disgusting.

too-frequently, people position sex workers as being "the problem". they sneer you're addicted to pornography, you don't know what a real woman looks like. but real women are in pornography. the real bodies on display are not the issue here: the issue is that other people feel extremely confident when commenting on someone's physique.

2000's super-thin is slowly worming its way back into the public ideal. recently i saw someone get told to "go for a run", despite the fact she was on the thinner side of average. not that it would ever be appropriate to say that: but it's kind of like sticker shock when you see it. people think that is fat? holy shit. do they just have no idea about things?

but what are you going to do about it? that's the problem, right. because chances are - you're a normal person. we can say normalize carrying fat on your body, but we are not the billion-dollar diet industry. we are not the billion-dollar fashion industry. we are just, like. people. who are trying to make content on the internet, without being treated shittily.

as someone who has been on both sides of things: you are treated better when you are thin and pretty. this is statistically correct. i am not saying that you cannot be bullied for being thin; i'm saying there are objective institutional biases against certain bodytypes. there are videos of men and women who lost weight all saying: i now know for a fact exactly how much worse you're treated. in the comments, some asshole inevitably says something akin to you deserved to be dehumanized when you were fat.

which means that ... the easiest thing to do is be pretty and thin. it is the path of least resistance, because of course it is, because any time you post a picture of yourself without a thigh gap, someone immediately comments something like you need to try a diet.

the other half is also dehumanizing though, huh, just in a different way. when i put on makeup and nice clothes, i am told i slept my way to the top as a professional. do you know how many women in STEM have told me they purposefully dress to "unimpress" because they already struggle to be taken seriously and if they're ever considered pretty - it for some reason takes away from their authority.

so they make it seem like it's your fault. you, existing in a body - it's your fault! if you didn't want shitty comments, don't have a body. they position us against each other like chess pieces; vying for male attention we don't even need.

and i can be an authority on this unless you think i'm fat and unattractive. when i am pretty and thin, i'm an activist. when i am just a normal person who makes a good point: i am immediately dismissed. nobody fucking believes you if you're not seen as attractive. you literally lose value. you cease to exist.

but the whole time, it feels like - is anyone actually grounded the fuck in reality? the line of "pretty and thin" keeps shifting. nobody seems to understand what "a normal weight" even looks like, because it's not something that exists - you cannot tell a person's health by looking at their body. even if you think you could tell that, even if you're sure a person is dangerously overweight - people are not your dolls. they do not need to be dressed up or displayed properly to soothe your aesthetics. you aren't concerned for them, you're stealing their agency. you don't get to say if they're "allowed" to take pictures and post them on the internet - you don't get to tell them how to exist.

people hide behind "the obesity epidemic" without any actual qualifications. they crow things about "normalizing unhealthiness".

but it's bullshit. i have visible abs. there is a pair of parallel lines on my body, even when i'm relaxed; where my obliques meet my abdominal wall. i am proud of this because it means i'm strong, because i overcame an eating disorder only to be ripped as fuck. it is genetic and physical luck that i even get any definition, i'm pleased as punch.

but it does mean that my abdominal wall sticks out a little bit. the other day i posted a video of myself dancing, and, for a moment, my shirt slipped. you could see a little bit of my stomach. i was cartwheeling to the floor. moments before this, i'd had my foot over my head.

a guy slid into my DMs. a row of vomiting emojis prefaced: you should really lose some weight before you think about dancing.

i stared at it for a long time. there was a time when i would have been triggered by this, where it would have encouraged me to starve myself. i would have ignored the fact i'm flexible, agile, good at jumping: i would have lost the weight for a stranger's passing comment. i would have found myself and my body fucking disgusting.

and for what? to please what? because why? so that he can exist in this world without an unchallenged eyeball? what would my self-hatred even accomplish? usually i write paragraphs. obviously. on this particular occasion, in this body i've been at war with for ages: i just felt exhausted.

it shouldn't be even worth saying. it shouldn't be hard to explain. all of this emotional turmoil when he cannot even comprehend the most basic truth: i am not an object on display for him.

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In Regards To Your 2024 Summary:

Holy shit it’s been another year????? The hell?????

Also! Your art style is gorgeous and that being found in 2023 and then refined throughout late 2023 and the entirety of 2024 really shows, as does your growth in panel layouts, perspective, and — as you said — experimentation. If you ever post your animation or video game art I’m looking forward to it.

As cheesy as it sounds, being able to laugh at funny comics and look at all the details of your art really made my 2024 brighter, even when things were hard. Including looking at your older art— it doesn’t need to be new to be enjoyable! I’m glad your art is well loved and it’s a privilege to have been here since the (near) beginning. I hope you take care of yourself in 2025 and beyond!

You and your art bring a lot of people a lot of joy never forget that <3

Thank you so much for keeping up with my art journey throughout these last two years! Two years!!! I am baffled at how that feels both too long and too short!

Admittedly, my art summary didn't manage to capture the fact that I did a lot of comic layouts that I'm really proud of. I also drew more backgrounds and made some very detailed works (*Dungeon Meshi spoilers for these examples*).

The growth is lot more evident when comparing my 'best' comics of 2023 to 2024:

Sometimes the growth is vertical, sometimes it is horizontal - and damn, sometimes it goes out of sight into the Z-plane. But it is always happening!

[s0fter-sin]

codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and it’s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows he’ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he won’t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost

he doesn’t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless

he wouldn't use them anyway

when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes

that's his johnny

he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave

frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information

just jokes; dark and puns alike

just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right

ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141

he's right where he wants to be

[triglycercule]

alright,,,,,is this newyears gift,,,,,, i dont no. but maybe it's late enough that i'll be able to forget that i drew this 😁😁😁😁 mttpoly doodles. whoever sees this sees this

[vigilskeep]

the lucanis romance pacing is kind of objectively terrible, no idea what the writing thought process was, but it’s so funny in-world that it basically circles around to a win for me

[iridescent-serpent]

The ever so illustrious (and badly scanned) sketch page, as promised :3 @orion-archives

Ngl, hilarious to me that every time I do a double full page sketch for these dudes, I basically unlock a new character (this time it’s Bumblebee). Not much planned for him rn beyond “I think it’d be Really funny if Bumblebee got bitches and is the same age as Optimus”. (You can see I Struggled at first with him till I sat down and Stared at some reference pics and then Immediately deviated away from it). Also a bit of Elita which I expanded upon in my fav format, meme :)

Also Ngl, I knew she showed up for like 0.6 seconds before being Blasted, but when using her comic ver. (Used Tfwiki which was surprisingly mean? About her? Felt bad) I realized she looked Very bird like (you can hear me evil chuckling in the distance as I keep infusing more animal traits like it’s my job). Also ended up keeping her ability to move around on one leg bc Ngl having her brandish one of her legs at you while going Mach 5 is Very Funny.

Also, here’s one I like I call “Sentinel screaming at the matrix to pick his son (Oppy) as the next High Leader” (also context: going with High Leader as a replacement for Prime as that’s a frame type here instead of “king chosen by god” archetype)

Also. Some bonus pics from my Discord :). Very little context beyond friend telling me to draw Oppy in Shinji pose and it Immediately devolving into the art (that I made) on their wall (it would be 2 Oppy v 1 Wally darling) and then I made the second at 2am in a fit of inspiration. You can tell it was 2am.

[sapphicslaylist]

Most of the fandom: UwU Thorn so soft and demure kissy kissy wife Queen I cannot hurt her she’s too nice. I must “heal” her of her wounds and cuts. She “doesn’t deserve” to be all scratched up.

My disabled, mentally ill ass: Anyways here’s an writhing cynical feral fiend of a woman with severely unaddressed mental issues and overdependency with medication to Control The Instincts™️ and maybe just maybe be worthy of something more than an endless cycle of mutual blood and death. And btw she is physically disabled because I refuse to believe those cuts just “vanished” thereafter and it’s genuinely ableist to think it would.

(Please… Please research your abuse victims and understand why the scar removal is an issue. The rest is just preference.)

[aquanutart]

She is offering water to any lost travelers! However, it's so hot that the water has become tea, so she's adjusted accordingly!

[animation-by-jam]

[Vent]. My thoughts. I'm not indigenous, so I can not relay the experience as if I could, and their voices matter more than mine. My heart goes out to the people of the letter. I'm writing as a fan who wants to just let out my feelings.

I don't know if it's just me. But I don't know if I can watch another rtvs stream with the whole crew until the rest of them issued their apologies over what happened or actually do something about the hurt they caused. It's obvious by the fan reaction that they're not just friends on the internet anymore and can't just shield themselves to be awful with criticism. Especially over fucking racial discrimination critique.

Especially Mike. Like everyone's initial responses and apologies at the time were bad, but man, that one was just REALLY BAD. Like if it wasn't limited to a discord server, the average rtvs viewer would have just been appalled by the comment and done worse reputation wise level bad. Not even the most dedicated sweep under the rug fans could argue that wasn't good. (Though I did scroll to read the entire situation, and few people tried). But, nope. It was bad. I still don't understand how he could go immediately to a 100 with that. I could give him the benefit of the doubt and say he probably had a shitty day (gamer moment level of exuse. I can't defend that), or idk he was just too aggressive with wanting to defend his friends. But, at the end of the day, that's an excuse, and the words were still typed and caused hurt. The action was still taken, and unfortunately, even *if* he feels terrible over it, he can't take it back. What's done is done, and just make up for it now.

But like I said, even with other mods and members doing the work behind the scenes. And I really hope to god that they do actually address this shit publicly. The longer it could go on, the more people will feel so betrayed (rightfully), and the more fans it will reach to demand something. Like this isn't the hlvrai days anymore rtvs, they have fans that can donate thousands to charity and sell out merchandise within hours. They want to unify the brand together? so they have to GET IT TOGETHER. Act maturely next time. If they aren't able to properly rectify a situation with a problematic sponsor or collaboration in time, then just apologize and listen to people's suggestions. God damn. How hard was it to read a letter that wasn't attacking them. And if anything, they tried really hard to give them so much benefit since it was from Fans. And even if not from fans, still don't treat indigenous people like this (common sense, no?). I know some of the crew are white and, or at this point, privileged to do what they can and probably never had to deal with the unique oppression indigenous people do as most humans never will. But, still. They have to get over it. Read the letter and understand it, and stop trying to act like any criticism is the end of your world/jobs. It will be if most of them don't learn from this incident.

[wyllaztopia]

friendly reminder that i'm not obligated to respond to asks or dms

agdt asks take time to answer and i have already mentioned before that people's asks are unlikely to be answered due to how many there are [literally had to add my friend as a blog mod to purge 500+ asks]

i answer my own inbox when i have the time and when i see an ask i find interesting - if I don't answer your ask, it's either i don't have time to or i don't have an answer for it OR answering yours means i have to spoil something about agdt

so erm 🤓 ! don't bother going to my dms, i'm not going to answer you

uhh, slash i don't mean any animosity when i say this stuff idk whatever tonetag fits

[welcometogrouchland]

I'm going to be so real I do not understand tim & steph shippers who feel that Steph dating Tim again would save her character. You can make an argument that giving Tim a more compelling love interest would be beneficial for him! And you can at least make an argument that the fujo mischaracterization of Steph would stop. However she'd still, inevitably, be treated as a prop character/extension for someone more popular 😭 it also wouldn't make her appear in more books! Tim doesn't have many frequent appearances at the moment either! You can just say you like the couple and want them back together without acting like you have some kind of moral stance

[fyodcrs]

The trial by flood was appropriate for me, seeing as I am a servant of God. But I'm rather sickly. I would be in real trouble if I were to fall ill. So I'll repay you with the same trial. Well, then, I'll be off. I pray that you both will be in the arms of your God in these final moments.

[agni-ashes]

tag yourself