#how do i get you to respond

[wxvzkk]

i wish people like genuinely told me how they thought of me, and like i know even if they do, i'll still feel like they hate me and secretly hate me. im so scared of me thinking im close with someone but they hate me and talk bad about me to people they're actually close to. like i dont ask people to hang out because i have such a huge fear or being rejected, im so scared of being unwanted but its all i feel 24/7. i feel hated by everyone and when they act certain ways it doesn't do any good to my thoughts. i sit and wait for hours on end for responses and i get none and thats when i feel hated. i distance myself and i accept i am not as important to them as they are to me. i dont think i tell people how important they are to me and i feel like they deserve it but i dont think they care. i want to tell my friends that i care and love them but i'm far too scared of them not caring to read it or finding my messages stupid. i want to send people, that i havent had a true conversation with for months now, how much i care about them but i'm too scared that the reason they dont respond is because i'm annoying. i know i suck at responding and i fear every day that i bring these feelings to others and i try so hard to respond whenever i see the messages but sometimes i forget or i dont see the notification until 2 hours later and im not sure i can even complain when people dont respond because i do the same. i wonder if they think of me like i do them, i wonder if they actually care about me, i wonder if this is all one sided. i wonder if i stopped answering or sending anything if they would ask whats wrong, actually i dont think they would. i dont think my friends care about me, i dont think anyone does actually. ive never felt like someone does and i find that hilarious. i try to show how much i care for others but not one person has ever showed me that same level. i just wish someone did? i wish someone other than my older sister, who is fearing constantly for my safety and whether i snap and end it all, would ask me how i was doing. i think my sister only asks me because of the fact shes so scared of me actually doing it. i wish someone showed they cared but i know they wont and honestly i dont expect them to. i would lie to them anyway, tell them im fine when im not, i only post this all on here because i know they wont react, they wont speak of it, its a hushed post, theyre too scared of bringing it up, or they simply just dont care. and thats okay.

[valtsv]

that shitty thing some people do where they compliment something about you, only to take it back and reveal that it was meant to be a joke at your expense when you sincerely thank them for it, used to bother me until i realised that you can just. keep it. refuse to hand that power back to them. they are never prepared to deal with this.

[gay-otlc]

I'm generally not a fan of quantifying oppression or looking at it as a scoreboard, but I frequently hear the claim that if you read the data, it will show that trans women are indisputably the most oppressed of all trans people, and isn't comparable to the level of oppression trans men face. And I looked at some data, from the UK's National LGBT Survey (I was referring to it for some data on transheterosexuality so I had it on hand).

The survey included 3,740 trans women and 3,170 trans men.

Being LGBT in the UK:

Average comfort level being LGBT on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being the most satisfied: 3.10 for trans women, 3.15 for trans men

Average life satisfaction on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the most satisfied: 5.07 for trans men, 5.52 for trans women

The data from this survey indicates that similar proportions of trans men and trans women tended to struggle in their overall experiences living as a trans person.

Openness about gender identity

Entirely closeted with friends: 7.4% of trans women, 2.8% of trans men

Entirely closeted with family members that participant lived with: 20.1% of trans women, 14.5% of trans men)

Entirely closeted with family members that participant did not live with: 25.3% of trans women, 22.0% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity for fear of a negative reaction: 58.9% of trans women, 56.2% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in public premises or buildings: 67.6% of trans women, 62.4% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity on streets or outdoor public places: 68.1% of trans women, 61.8% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity on public transport: 68.7% of trans women, 58.7% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in neighborhood: 68.5% of trans women, 56.9% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in workplace: 60.6% of trans women, 53.0% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in cafes, restaurants, pubs, or clubs: 61.8% of trans women, 57.5% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in the park: 54.4% of trans women, 46.2% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in other environments: 9.0% of trans women, 8.9% of trans men

Avoiding being open about gender identity in athletic environments: 63.1% of trans men, 60.2% of trans women

Avoiding being open about gender identity in schools: 45.6% of trans men, 35.1% of trans women

Avoiding being open about gender identity at home: 38.9% of trans men, 32.4% of trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans women than trans men tended to struggle with being open about their gender identity.

Transphobia from people the participant lived with

Verbal harassment: 34.0% of trans men, 22.2% of trans women

Outing: 38.5% of trans men, 23.5% of trans women

Threats of violence: 7.0% of trans men, 6.1% of trans women

Coercive/controlling behavior: 25.0% of trans men, 18.2% of trans women

Physical violence: 6.1% of trans men, 4.2% of trans women

Sexual violence: 2.2% of trans men, 2.1% of trans women

Other transphobic incidents: 29.4% of trans men, 18.3% of trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans men than trans women tended to struggle with facing transphobia from people they lived with.

Transphobia from people the participant did not live with

Outing: 29.4% of trans men, 24.6% of trans women

Verbal harassment: 42.2% of trans women, 36.0% of trans men

Threats of violence: 13.7% of trans women, 10.5% of trans men

Physical violence: 7.2% of trans women, 5.6% of trans men

Sexual violence: 6.1% of trans women, 3.9% of trans men

Other transphobic incidents: 27.6% of trans women, 25.8% of trans men

Private sexual images shared without consent: 18.5% of trans women, 13.3% of trans men

Had conversion therapy: 5.0% of trans women, 4.1% of trans men

Offered conversion therapy: 9.3% of trans men, 7.6% of trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans women than trans men tended to struggle with facing transphobia from people they did not live with.

Experiences in school/educational institutions

Entirely closeted at school: 16.6% of trans women, 9.3% of trans men

Entirely negative reactions at school: 3.6% of trans women, 2.1% of trans men

Entirely positive reactions at school: 28.9% of trans men, 34.7% of trans women

Outing at school: 77.9% of trans men, 62.9% of trans women

Verbal harassment at school: 73.4% of trans women, 70.0% of trans men

Exclusion from activities at school: 31.7% of trans women, 24.3% of trans men

Threats of violence at school: 25.0% of trans women, 19.8% of trans men

Physical violence at school: 15.1% of trans women, 9.6% of trans men

Sexual violence at school: 12.4% of trans women, 5.0% of trans men

Other transphobic incidents at school: 50.0% of trans men, 47.3% of trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans women than trans men tended to struggle with being trans in schools/educational institutions.

Workplace experiences

Had a paid job: 56.9% of trans men, 65.3% of trans women

Entirely closeted with senior colleagues: 33.4% of trans men, 31.5% of trans women

Entirely closeted with colleagues at same/lower level: 30.6% of trans men, 26.6% of trans women

Entirely positive reactions in workplace: 34.7% of trans women, 36.3% of trans men

Entirely negative reactions in workplace: 5.1% of trans women, 3.9% of trans men

Outing at work: 59.9% of trans men, 55.5% of trans women

Verbal harassment at work: 49.6% of trans women, 45.6% of trans men

Exclusion from activities at work: 32.7% of trans women, 21.8% of trans men

Threats of violence at work: 9.6% of trans women, 7.7% of trans men

Physical violence at work: 5.5% of trans women, 3.2% of trans men

Sexual violence at work: 7.0% of trans women, 4.0% of trans men

Other transphobic incidents at work: 54.2% of trans men, 53.3% of trans women

The data from this survey indicates that similar proportions of trans women and trans men tended to struggle with being trans in the workplace, with slightly more trans women struggling.

Public healthcare experiences

Needs ignored: 32.3% of trans men, 24.0% of trans women

Avoided treatment for fear of discrimination: 24.3% of trans men, 17.4% of trans women

Inappropriate questions/curiosity from healthcare workers: 29.0% of trans men, 18.9% of trans women

Discrimination from healthcare staff: 14.2% of trans men, 12.6% of trans women

Inappropriate referral to specialist services: 13.8% of trans men, 10.3% of trans women

Unwanted pressure for medical testing: 10.6% of trans men, 8.6% of trans women

Had to change GP: 10.9% of trans men, 9.7% of trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans men than trans women tended to struggle with public healthcare.

Mental healthcare experiences

Average ease accessing mental health services, on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being very easy: 2.49 for trans men, 2.55 for trans women

Unsuccessful accessing mental health services: 28.6% of trans women, 27.7% of trans men

Anxious/embarrassed about accessing mental health services: 40.1% of trans men, 29.1% of trans women

Unsupportive mental health practitioner: 17.0% of trans men, 16.9% of trans women

Average mental health service ratings, on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being completely positive: 3.22 for trans men, 3.40 for trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans men than trans women tended to struggle with mental healthcare.

Sexual healthcare experiences

Average ease accessing sexual health services, on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being very easy: 3.72 for trans men, 3.75 for trans women

Unsuccessful accessing sexual health services: 14.6% of trans women, 12.3% of trans men

Anxious/embarrassed about sexual health services: 57.3% of trans men, 31.8% of trans women

Unsupportive sexual health practitioner: 15.1% of trans men, 11.9% of trans women

Rating of sexual health services, on a scale of 1-5, with 5 being completely positive: 4.05 for trans men, 4.10 for trans women

The data from this survey indicates that more trans men than trans women tended to struggle with sexual healthcare.

TLDR: According to the data from this survey, the areas in which trans women tended to face more struggles than trans men were in openness about gender identity, transphobia from people they don't live with, and being trans in educational institutions. The areas in which trans men tended to face more struggles than trans women were in transphobia from people they did live with, public healthcare services, mental healthcare services, and sexual healthcare services. Trans men and trans women struggled similarly with being trans in the workplace, and with their overall experience being trans in the UK, with trans women facing slightly more struggles in the workplace.

Obviously, this is only one survey, and doesn't represent all trans people as it was conducted only in the UK. It's possible that another survey might show trans women struggling more in healthcare, or trans men struggling more in schools.

But I would say this is strong evidence that trans women are not necessarily the most oppressed of all trans people by far in all areas of life. Trans men and trans women both face severe oppression, in some similar and some unique ways, and it helps no one to minimize the suffering of either.

Reading Comprehension Questions:

Did OP say that trans men are more oppressed than trans women? (Hint: No)

Did OP say that trans women oppress trans men? (Hint: Also no)

Did OP say that transmisogyny isn't a real issue, or that trans women shouldn't be allowed to talk about transmisogyny? (Hint: No again)

Did OP say that trans men's oppression is more important than trans women's and deserves to be talked about more? (Hint: Still no)

Did OP say that any issues are exclusive to trans men or trans women and that we have no overlap in our struggles? (Hint: You guessed it- no!)

[littlecrittereli]

Wanted to doodle some comfort bros to balance out the angst of my recent posts lol

Hey pookies! Just wanted to say I really appreciate all the love and support I've been receiving lately for Decoded! I always love your comments/asks/fanart/memes, it genuinely has been bringing me so much joy and I'm so grateful for it <3

I know I said I had a lot of art to post (and then proceeded to post none of it LOL) I'm just a little overwhelmed rn with some life stuff so sorry for the wait! I also have a lot asks that I haven't gotten to and I apologize for that as well!

Trying my best to keep up, but I haven't had a lot of time recently. Art's gonna be a little delayed, but don't worry Chapter 8 is still gonna come out this Saturday as scheduled!

[inkskinned]

no, but really, we need to talk about the casual objectification that has become the fallback discourse of the internet: if you're pretty and dressed nicely, you're a slut. and if you're even vaguely outside of their body standard, you're fucking disgusting.

too-frequently, people position sex workers as being "the problem". they sneer you're addicted to pornography, you don't know what a real woman looks like. but real women are in pornography. the real bodies on display are not the issue here: the issue is that other people feel extremely confident when commenting on someone's physique.

2000's super-thin is slowly worming its way back into the public ideal. recently i saw someone get told to "go for a run", despite the fact she was on the thinner side of average. not that it would ever be appropriate to say that: but it's kind of like sticker shock when you see it. people think that is fat? holy shit. do they just have no idea about things?

but what are you going to do about it? that's the problem, right. because chances are - you're a normal person. we can say normalize carrying fat on your body, but we are not the billion-dollar diet industry. we are not the billion-dollar fashion industry. we are just, like. people. who are trying to make content on the internet, without being treated shittily.

as someone who has been on both sides of things: you are treated better when you are thin and pretty. this is statistically correct. i am not saying that you cannot be bullied for being thin; i'm saying there are objective institutional biases against certain bodytypes. there are videos of men and women who lost weight all saying: i now know for a fact exactly how much worse you're treated. in the comments, some asshole inevitably says something akin to you deserved to be dehumanized when you were fat.

which means that ... the easiest thing to do is be pretty and thin. it is the path of least resistance, because of course it is, because any time you post a picture of yourself without a thigh gap, someone immediately comments something like you need to try a diet.

the other half is also dehumanizing though, huh, just in a different way. when i put on makeup and nice clothes, i am told i slept my way to the top as a professional. do you know how many women in STEM have told me they purposefully dress to "unimpress" because they already struggle to be taken seriously and if they're ever considered pretty - it for some reason takes away from their authority.

so they make it seem like it's your fault. you, existing in a body - it's your fault! if you didn't want shitty comments, don't have a body. they position us against each other like chess pieces; vying for male attention we don't even need.

and i can be an authority on this unless you think i'm fat and unattractive. when i am pretty and thin, i'm an activist. when i am just a normal person who makes a good point: i am immediately dismissed. nobody fucking believes you if you're not seen as attractive. you literally lose value. you cease to exist.

but the whole time, it feels like - is anyone actually grounded the fuck in reality? the line of "pretty and thin" keeps shifting. nobody seems to understand what "a normal weight" even looks like, because it's not something that exists - you cannot tell a person's health by looking at their body. even if you think you could tell that, even if you're sure a person is dangerously overweight - people are not your dolls. they do not need to be dressed up or displayed properly to soothe your aesthetics. you aren't concerned for them, you're stealing their agency. you don't get to say if they're "allowed" to take pictures and post them on the internet - you don't get to tell them how to exist.

people hide behind "the obesity epidemic" without any actual qualifications. they crow things about "normalizing unhealthiness".

but it's bullshit. i have visible abs. there is a pair of parallel lines on my body, even when i'm relaxed; where my obliques meet my abdominal wall. i am proud of this because it means i'm strong, because i overcame an eating disorder only to be ripped as fuck. it is genetic and physical luck that i even get any definition, i'm pleased as punch.

but it does mean that my abdominal wall sticks out a little bit. the other day i posted a video of myself dancing, and, for a moment, my shirt slipped. you could see a little bit of my stomach. i was cartwheeling to the floor. moments before this, i'd had my foot over my head.

a guy slid into my DMs. a row of vomiting emojis prefaced: you should really lose some weight before you think about dancing.

i stared at it for a long time. there was a time when i would have been triggered by this, where it would have encouraged me to starve myself. i would have ignored the fact i'm flexible, agile, good at jumping: i would have lost the weight for a stranger's passing comment. i would have found myself and my body fucking disgusting.

and for what? to please what? because why? so that he can exist in this world without an unchallenged eyeball? what would my self-hatred even accomplish? usually i write paragraphs. obviously. on this particular occasion, in this body i've been at war with for ages: i just felt exhausted.

it shouldn't be even worth saying. it shouldn't be hard to explain. all of this emotional turmoil when he cannot even comprehend the most basic truth: i am not an object on display for him.

[s0fter-sin]

codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and it’s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows he’ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he won’t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost

he doesn’t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless

he wouldn't use them anyway

when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes

that's his johnny

he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave

frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information

just jokes; dark and puns alike

just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right

ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141

he's right where he wants to be

[vigilskeep]

the lucanis romance pacing is kind of objectively terrible, no idea what the writing thought process was, but it’s so funny in-world that it basically circles around to a win for me

[birdsong-warriors]

Spoilery request here, but good gracious, I hope I made the foreshadowing in these pages clear enough, given I've been building up to it for ages now.

First | Previous | Next (May 3rd)

Part 1: Friend and Family

See up to thirty pages ahead, with timelapses, on Patreon!

Backgrounds, brushes, timelapses, and other assets for sale on my Ko-Fi!

[triglycercule]

alright,,,,,is this newyears gift,,,,,, i dont no. but maybe it's late enough that i'll be able to forget that i drew this 😁😁😁😁 mttpoly doodles. whoever sees this sees this

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

In Regards To Your 2024 Summary:

Holy shit it’s been another year????? The hell?????

Also! Your art style is gorgeous and that being found in 2023 and then refined throughout late 2023 and the entirety of 2024 really shows, as does your growth in panel layouts, perspective, and — as you said — experimentation. If you ever post your animation or video game art I’m looking forward to it.

As cheesy as it sounds, being able to laugh at funny comics and look at all the details of your art really made my 2024 brighter, even when things were hard. Including looking at your older art— it doesn’t need to be new to be enjoyable! I’m glad your art is well loved and it’s a privilege to have been here since the (near) beginning. I hope you take care of yourself in 2025 and beyond!

You and your art bring a lot of people a lot of joy never forget that <3

Thank you so much for keeping up with my art journey throughout these last two years! Two years!!! I am baffled at how that feels both too long and too short!

Admittedly, my art summary didn't manage to capture the fact that I did a lot of comic layouts that I'm really proud of. I also drew more backgrounds and made some very detailed works (*Dungeon Meshi spoilers for these examples*).

The growth is lot more evident when comparing my 'best' comics of 2023 to 2024:

Sometimes the growth is vertical, sometimes it is horizontal - and damn, sometimes it goes out of sight into the Z-plane. But it is always happening!

[aquanutart]

She is offering water to any lost travelers! However, it's so hot that the water has become tea, so she's adjusted accordingly!

[sapphicslaylist]

Most of the fandom: UwU Thorn so soft and demure kissy kissy wife Queen I cannot hurt her she’s too nice. I must “heal” her of her wounds and cuts. She “doesn’t deserve” to be all scratched up.

My disabled, mentally ill ass: Anyways here’s an writhing cynical feral fiend of a woman with severely unaddressed mental issues and overdependency with medication to Control The Instincts™️ and maybe just maybe be worthy of something more than an endless cycle of mutual blood and death. And btw she is physically disabled because I refuse to believe those cuts just “vanished” thereafter and it’s genuinely ableist to think it would.

(Please… Please research your abuse victims and understand why the scar removal is an issue. The rest is just preference.)

[fyodcrs]

The trial by flood was appropriate for me, seeing as I am a servant of God. But I'm rather sickly. I would be in real trouble if I were to fall ill. So I'll repay you with the same trial. Well, then, I'll be off. I pray that you both will be in the arms of your God in these final moments.

[agni-ashes]

tag yourself

[buwheal]

okay spamton, LISTEN TO ME

THAT IS NOT A GOOD PLACE TO LIVE IN!!!!!!

WHILE YOU MAY HAVE SOME STUFF, AND ITS BETTER THAN NOTHING, IT'S STILL GARBAGE

YOU ARE LIVING IN A FREAKING DUMPSTER AS YOU SAID YOURSELF

THAT IS NOT GOOD

AND THAN JUST BASICALLY SITTING IN THE FREEZING COLD WHEN IT'S RAINING OR OTHER STUFF

YOU CAN GET VERY SICK OKAY?!!??!?!

look man

I'm just worried for you ,:/

honestly I would say most of us are...

[arohuacheng]

imagining the story from pei ming's perspective is rlly funny i think. this god from all that time ago ascends again (you were there for the first two times) and immediately waltzes into a situation that fucks something up for your descendant (putting both of your reputations on the line, messing up how hard your descendant worked to become a god and how hard you worked to ensure that he would have that chance) and then refuses to let you smooth the situation out and on TOP of that your friend's little sister (who hates you and who you are trying to look out for by request of your friend) is on your case about it too. so you've gotta work all that out and then like. you chill for a little bit (still kind of upset about your descendant) until your friend undergoes a heavenly calamity. and then in the space of like A Day the god from earlier shows up again with a fucking ghost king, your friend dies, the little sister you're supposed to be looking out for disappears, and everything just kinda goes to shit. so you're like. grieving. trying to process everything. until your OTHER close friend goes off the fucking rails with the spirit of that guy she murdered, and then you get called out to the spooky ghost mountain where you're confronted with the girl whose death YOU were essentially responsible for and have never really come to terms with, and then like. you just kind of hang out with these gay people until everything resolves itself. fight some ghosts. fight the heavenly emperor. get your friend to stop being evil for a little while so she can fix the filing systems. and then you just have to keep being the god of love i guess