#how do i fuck up friendships this badly how is this a repeated thing that has happened since 14?

[devotioncrater]

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[gallusrostromegalus]

So, uhh, genuine question.

Do you recommend getting into Bleach, and if so how? Anime, Manga, a little bit of both, secret other thing? Your posts about it (and especially about AEIWAM) have definitely piqued my Interest, but I have pretty much 0 knowledge about the topic and heard very contradictory takes & reviews before, so I wanted to ask for your advice on the topic.

Cheers and have a nice day!

So a couple people have asked me this and I'm going to be as honest and fair about it as possible:

Bleach itself is mid.

...which is why the fan works KICK SO MUCH ASS.

My theory is that the ideal habitat for transformative fan work creators is mediocre series. It has to be good enough to be worth engaging with in the first place, but it's the plot holes and dropped developments and intriguing characters that don't get enough time and shoddy-to-unexplained worldbuilding that make nice little holes for fic authors and fan artists to crawl into and built a home, like sponges growing on a dilapidated subway car sunk into the Hudson river.

So yes. Bleach is mid. More under the cut:

It's also really two series: the manga and the anime. There's more anime than manga because bleach suffers from the late oughts horror known as "the filler arc" where the studio would make shit up while waiting for the author to catch up. Not ideal, but better than the current state of "cancelling a fully written five-season show after two because it wasn't making enough money for the oligarchy" but I digress.

To grade both the manga and anime on the Weeb-Ass-Shit scale:

Weeb: how familiar do you have to be with the tropes of anime/Japanese culture in general to be able to enjoy the series? This is one of the things Bleach does REALLY, REALLY WELL, in that you can go in knowing fuck-all about anime and have a good time, but the more you know, the more fun it is. My favorite thing Kubo does is that if you look up the meaning of the characters used in everyone's names, there is a TON of jokes, foreshadowing, themes etc. baked into every name. A+ work.

Ass: how much gratuitous fan service is there and how annoying is it? So. It's not the worst. But it's really, really obvious that Bleach is written and illustrated by a straight man who is hella into tiddies. As a bisexual, I can appreciate The Tiddy (and tbh, the men in Bleach have pretty great tits too), but there are a lot of humor bits about Kon being a perv/author stand-in, orihime has medically alarming knockers for a teenager and gets groped kind of a lot. There's also a predatory lesbian stereotype character in the early episodes, and some pretty awful transphobic caricature characters. The amount of horny isn't that much for a shonen, but it's pretty gross IMHO.

Shit: how well- made is this series?

Mixed. Both the manga and the anime (esp the recent Thousand Year Blood War arc) have some absolutely gorgeous art, banger character designs, and deeply entertainingly choreographed fights. It is really nice to look at.

Unfortunately, both also suffer really badly from pacing issues that are pretty much entirely the fault of the insane demands the industry puts on the artists. If you've ever read/seen a shonen manga/anime from the late aughts through early teens, you're familiar with this bullshit- fight scenes drawn out to absurd lengths, filler arcs while the animation studio waits for the author to catch up, repeated plot arcs, minimal focus on characterization, The Friendship Speech (TM) etc.

Pacing and repetitiveness are Bleach's main quality issues, but the art is pretty baller and the Japanese voice cast is pretty fucking great IMHO. (I have APD and have to consume shows by subtitles, so the sun is usually more legible for me than the dub).

If you are coming into Bleach from AEIWAM... You're likely to be a bit disappointed. I put a shitload of work into the worldbuilding because Bleach does not, I write almost exclusively slice-of-life character moments rather than big battles, and I have made some pretty fucking radical changes to some of the characters. An Elephant Is Warm And Mushy is an entirely different genre than Bleach, and that's ok, because fic usually is radically different than it's source material. But also be prepared.

TL;DR: Bleach is mid and that's ok! My fic is different than it and that is also ok! I still recommend it with the reservations of : it's prototypical of its time period and contains many of the gross tropes from that era. It is also very much a horror shonen, just to be clear. Fucked up shit happens on screen, mostly cannibalism! Which is great IMHO, but you should probably take a stroll through DoesTheDogDie.com for more specific trigger warnings before beginning.

[luvfae]

WITHDRAWALS

summary: after a year of no contact, su-bong shows up on your doorstep in tears.

parings: thanos/choi su-bong x f!reader

warnings: smut, oral (thanos receiving), mention of addiction, drug withdrawals, swearing.

You and Thanos had broken up over a year ago.

Going no contact was the hardest decision you’d ever made, but it was necessary. Cutting ties with someone who had once been your world felt like tearing out a piece of your own soul, but loving him was killing you.

His drug habit had spiraled into a full-blown addiction, and no amount of pleading or begging could get him to see reason. You couldn’t save someone who didn’t want to be saved. So one night, with a note left on the kitchen counter, you disappeared from his life.

Since then, you’d rebuilt yourself. A stable job, a cozy apartment, and college classes that filled your days with purpose. You were piecing together a life you could be proud of, even if sometimes, late at night, memories of him crept in.

So when you heard a knock on your door past midnight, your heart twisted with a premonition.

“Who the hell…?” you muttered, setting aside your textbooks as you padded to the door. “Hello?

“Y/N, it’s me.”

That voice—hoarse and broken—cut through you like a knife.

“Su-bong?” Disbelief and dread knotted in your stomach. “What are you doing here? How do you even know where I live?”

“I ran into your friend,” he admitted, shame thick in his tone. “She told me.”

You made a mental note to reevaluate your friendships, but that was the least of your worries. Through the door, you could hear it—the edge of desperation in his voice, the quiver that spoke of tears held back too long.

“Please let me in,” he whispered. “I… I don’t know where else to go.”

Against every instinct screaming at you to keep the door closed, you opened it.

He collapsed into your arms, a tangle of limbs and choked sobs. You wrapped your arms around him, rubbing circles into his back as he clung to you like a lifeline.

“What’s wrong?” you asked, pulling back just enough to see his face—eyes bloodshot, cheeks hollowed by a suffering you couldn’t begin to understand.

“I’m two days clean,” he confessed, voice cracking. “I’m going fucking insane. Everything hurts.”

You sighed, a mix of relief and sadness washing over you. “Why are you here, Su-bong?”

He shrugged, wiping at his eyes. “You’re the only person I can think about now that I’m sober. I needed to see you. I needed to apologize for everything I did.”

His hands trembled, and you could see the raw pain of withdrawal etched into every line of his body. You guided him to the couch, disappearing briefly into the kitchen to make him tea—exactly how he liked it. Some details you couldn’t forget, no matter how hard you tried.

When you sat beside him, he took a shaky sip, eyes downcast. “I’m sorry,” he repeated, voice barely more than a whisper.

“It’s okay,” you replied, though you knew you were lying to both of you. It wasn’t okay. But his vulnerability chipped away at the walls you’d built, and you couldn’t bring yourself to push him away.

“It’s not okay,” he insisted, setting the mug down with a trembling hand. “I put you through hell. I took the best thing in my life and destroyed it.”

Tears brimmed in your eyes, not from longing but from the ache of seeing him so broken. “I’ve moved on, Su-bong. I’ve had to.”

“I haven’t,” he admitted, voice thick with guilt. “I think my grieving was numbed by all the drugs. Now you’re all I can think about. I fucked up so badly.”

He pulled you into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around you like he was afraid you’d vanish. And maybe you should have pulled away, set boundaries, protected yourself. But the old wounds still ached, and some part of you needed closure that hadn’t come from silence and distance.

Without thinking, you cupped his face in your hands, your thumbs brushing the tear tracks on his cheeks. Then your lips met his, soft and tentative at first, a tentative crossing of a line you thought you’d never touch again.

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled against your lips, his breath mingling with yours.

“Shh,” you murmured, your forehead resting against his. “Let me make you feel better.”

His eyes flickered with confusion and longing. “Why would you want to? After everything I did…?”

“I don’t know,” you confessed, voice raw with honesty. “Maybe because part of me still cares. Maybe because I want to believe you can be better. That we can be better.”

You straddled his lap, your arms looping around his neck as your lips sought his again, deeper this time. His hands hesitated before finding your waist, gripping like he needed the anchor.

In the back of your mind, you knew this was dangerous—inviting old wounds to reopen, risking the stability you’d fought to build. But in that moment, wrapped up in the heat of his mouth and the desperate clutch of his hands, you couldn’t bring yourself to care.

Your fingers fumbled with the buckle of his jeans, and he lifted his hips just enough for you to drag them down, his boxers following.

But before you could go any further, Su-bong’s hand wrapped around your wrist, his touch warm, trembling. His eyes searched yours, clouded with exhaustion, with longing, with something unspoken.

“You don’t have to,” he whispered.

“I know.” You leaned in, pressing a soft, lingering kiss to his lips. “I want to. Do you?”

He nodded, almost instantly. Of course he did—he had never once denied himself the pleasure of you.

You slipped onto your knees, the carpet soft against your skin.

Your hand wrapped around him, stroking slowly until he hardened under your touch.

Then, you leaned forward, running your tongue along the underside of his cock, your eyes flickering up to meet his. His breath hitched, fingers twitching at his sides before they found their place tangled in your hair.

And then—

That groan. That deep, desperate sound that had been imprinted in your memory like a scar.

Fuck, you had missed him.

As much as you wished you hadn’t, you had.

You took him into your mouth, warm and familiar, and his head dropped back against the couch, a shuddering breath escaping his lips. You worked him with slow, deliberate movements, your tongue flicking, your fingers squeezing—anything to pull him from the pain of his withdrawals, to give him something else to focus on.

“Fuck,” he choked out, his grip on your hair tightening. “You’re so beautiful.”

His voice cracked, and when you looked up, tears were slipping down his cheeks.

You hesitated.

“Keep going,” he said, barely above a whisper.

So you did.

You took him deeper, hollowing your cheeks, working your hand in sync with your lips, dragging him to the edge with each bob of your head. His moans turned into breathless, desperate whimpers, hips rocking involuntarily against your face.

He came down your throat, a broken groan spilling from his lips, his whole body shaking beneath you.

You swallowed, gasping for air as you pulled away, licking the taste of him from your lips.

His hands found you instantly, pulling you back into his lap, holding you close. His lips trailed over your forehead, your temple, your cheek, then finally—finally—your mouth.

“I missed you so much,” he murmured against your lips. His arms tightened around you, as if afraid you’d disappear all over again. “You hurt me so fucking bad when you left.”

Your fingers slipped into his hair—the hair you once knew as black, now dyed a deep shade of purple.

“I called you so many times,” he continued, his voice raw, fragile. “Just hoping, by some miracle, you’d unblock me.”

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I had to leave, Su-bong.”

“I know.” He exhaled, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. “I know, baby.”

For a long moment, neither of you spoke. You just sat there, wrapped in each other, breathing in the weight of everything you had been, everything you had lost.

Then—soft, hesitant—he asked, “Do you think we could ever be us again?”

You hummed, running your fingers through his hair, pulling him closer. “We could work it out,” you said.

His grip tightened. “I don’t deserve you.”

“I know you don’t.” You smiled, just barely. “But I’m willing to try—if you promise to stay clean.”

His breath hitched, his hands pressing against your lower back.

“This is the Su-bong I fell in love with.”

His forehead dropped against yours. He was shaking again, but it wasn’t from withdrawals this time.

“I’ll stay clean,” he whispered. His lips ghosted over yours, his hands cradling your face like you were something fragile. Something worth saving. “For you.”

A pause.

“I promise.”

[nekropsii]

i would like to ask you what your basis for calling kankri "canonically aroace" is? (other than celibacy which is not a conformation of said orientation as it as has religious ties and can also be an act of purity, not strictly a part of aroace culture)

like I'm genuinely curious where you find it canon?

My basis is that Kankri identifies himself as AroAspec. I have said this many times. I’m not pulling this out of thin air or saying that Celibacy is the same as being AroAce - though in this case I’d argue those things are clearly being attached to one another by means of false conflation, in the same way Hussie was attaching Horuss’s traits of “Otherkin” and “Being a System” - I am repeating the fact that Kankri explicitly identifies himself as AroAspec. He is using specifically AroAspec language to do so.

… And making the argument that since Hussie was being quite mean about it by making his identity not make sense and also stereotyping it quite badly, and also conflating it with Total Sexual and Romantic Celibacy (which are choices), it is best to just take Kankri as fully AroAce, since that was clearly what Hussie was going for. It’s like taking Horuss as a normal System. Horuss and Kankri’s minority identities have literally the exact same problem in writing.

Very interesting how people react to this train of thought, by the way. It’s not a controversial statement to me, I’ve always operated under this mode of thinking, and I do not particularly get why people freak out about it… Especially when people will generally agree with this line of thinking when it’s literally any other identity. If a character is a meanspirited representation of Trans People, then people will generally accept them as a regular, straight up Trans Character. Same goes for if they’re Gay, Lesbian, Bi, Non-White, Disabled…

What’s the difference? Inability to romantically ship them? Easy solution - Just acknowledge that friendship is not only a valid form of relationship but also can be more meaningful than romance for five fucking minutes. Jeez, lol.

Fun Fact: Kankri is the only character whose orientation is specifically identified in words in Homestuck.

[meta-squash]

Torchwood Fic Recs

Here's a bunch of fic recommendations for excellent Torchwood fics that I've had bookmarked. Many of these are from the old days of Torchwood fandom and never got transferred to ao3, so there are quite a few livejournal links and a few wayback machine links. Anything that I had bookmarked on lj that got transferred to ao3, I'll link the ao3. I may put my own notes/descriptions in brackets after the fic summary.

Proof Of Your Existence by sarcasticchick - Can you offer me proof of your existence? How can you? When neither modern science nor philosophy can explain what life is. [In which Ianto is more than what he seems.]

What Lies Within by xtricks - Ianto becomes contaminated with an alien. Jack will do whatever he can to hold onto him, even as he changes. [Link goes to the last chapter, which has all the others linked. TW: tentacle sex, which is partly metaphorical and partly literal.]

Conversational Japanese, Plus Frogs by james - Tosh and Ianto have been taken prisoner. They cope.

PTSD: Post Torchwood Stress Disorder by waldo - It's been two and a half years since Canary Wharf. It's been a year since Lisa. And Jack is just now realizing what the real toll has all been on Ianto and the other survivors of Torchwood One. Now he needs to fix a big thing done badly before anyone else dies.

Notebird by cyus - A note points to nowhere and a bird comes from nowhere, and Torchwood, in the wake of their teammates’ deaths, finds that some experiences shatter things into pieces too small to be fit back together.

Second Look by remindmeofthe- Sometimes, you get a chance to see the past through a different pair of eyes: your own.

The Cartography Of Feeling by sholio - "We're sodding gladiators," Owen said. "Fuck this entire day and Jack Harkness too." (Or: Owen and Ianto are abducted by aliens and forced to arena-fight. But the worst part might be the control device that connects them in an emotion and pain-sharing bond.)

Forget, Survive, Repeat by d8rkmessngr - He came to Torchwood, to Jack, for Lisa. But now she's gone and Ianto isn't sure what there is he has left. Post "Cyberwoman".

I Had No Idea I Had Been Travelling by kalichan & rm - It's not how you die; it's how you live, especially when your life is built of stories. And in the end, all lives are. [This fic is incredibly long, but it is absolutely beautiful, and most of the segments can be read individually. I'm of the opinion that everyone should read this fic. It's the Torchwood fic I continued to think about for years even when I was focusing on other fandoms.]

Hourglass by lazuli - Death is not the only form of loss. Torchwood grieves the loss of Owen and Tosh, and something strange is wrong with Jack. [Link goes to wayback machine, but all chapter links work.]

The Cricket And The Bird by solsticezero - On the nature of immortality and the longevity of birds.

Like The Wind by clarrisani- Sometimes all you can do is run. [Mild Owen/Ianto, leaning closer to friendship.]

More Richer Than My Tongue by sanginmychains - Ianto needs to get some space after the events of Cyberwoman. Jack comes along. They get rained on, and discuss their relationship.

Got That Friday Feeling Again by NancyBrown - HELP HELP HELP HELP I AM TRAPPED IN A TIME BUBBLE The magic marker all over the nice chintz wallpaper bled and smeared as Owen wrote in increasingly desperate lettering across the walls. Ls and Ps dragged down, wiggly at the end or drawn out in slashed strokes.

I Am Not My Own by methylethyl - "Torchwood's disability pay is about this big--" Ianto held up his thumb and index finger, about two centimeters apart. "--and comes out of a gun at a thousand meters per second."

Disinterred by seize - "What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets." Ianto makes a discovery, and learns there are things he probably doesn't want to know. He asks anyway. [TW: torture.]

Frames Of Reference by echo - There's a difference between 'mostly alive' and 'mostly dead'. Sometime it's just hard to remember which one is which, especially when you get right down to the details.

Do Not Go Gentle by mcparrot - Reeling from the deaths of Owen and Tosh, Gwen and Ianto watch helplessly as Jack acts erratically. They assume it's just his way of mourning - until he disappears.

Tea And Sympathy by osprey_archer - Soon after Jack's disappearance, Owen takes sick. Ianto goes to check on him. [Some wonderfully unhinged Owen/Ianto fic]

Before You Know It by yuma - In all honesty, he should have been expecting it. He was there when boys, not yet men, suffered what was first called shell-shock, then combat fatigue, to the neatly packaged politically correct acronym.

Sweet, Delicious Despair by marchling - A group of strange suicides comes Torchwood's way when the police can't figure out why happy people with everything to live for are suddenly taking their own lives for seemingly no reason. The team is on the case, but there are no leads… Until one of their own is threatened. [TW: Suicide]

The Subject Of Mourning by jesuisgourde - Gwen had said Those poor girls. But both were dead, victims of Torchwood, of circumstance, of the most destructive kind of loyalty and love. Owen could only think Poor Ianto. The dead were dead. The living had to keep living with the pain. Owen and Ianto in the immediate aftermath of Cyberwoman.

In Your Image by blackbird_song - Jack and Ianto sitting in a tree: Torchwood-style.

Object Permanence by solsticezero - After the events of Exit Wounds, Ianto is left with lingering anxieties about the safety of the people he loves.

[a brief interlude for paperclipbitch fics. she's been my favourite torchwood writer since the early days. please read all of her stuff.]

If You Pass Go, Do Not Collect £200 by paperclipbitch - Ianto is sent to rescue Owen from 19th Century London, but he’s less than impressed by what Owen has been doing to survive.

Untitled Series 2 AU by paperclipbitch - “Come on,” Ianto sighs, and Owen falls into his side like he's just been waiting for the invitation. [Owen/Ianto]

Clinging To The Wreckage Until I Got The Message by paperclipbitch - “You need something other than this in your life, Owen,” Ianto murmurs. [Owen/Ianto]

People That I Wasn't by paperclipbitch - Jack and Ianto have to deal with death in all sorts of ways.

Hamartia by paperclipbitch - “Don’t you start,” Owen snaps, turning on him. Ianto doesn’t even bother to look up from where he’s inspecting his fingernails. “Going to hit me again?” he asks lightly. [Owen/Ianto]

It Will Bleed You Dry by paperclipbitch - Europe is dying. But Jack refuses to let his team go.

Like There's A Part Of Me That I Want To Get Back Again by paperclipbitch - Ianto Jones, in his crisp pinstripe suit, the remains of a black eye still mildew-green on his face, frowns a little at Owen Harper and says: “Have we met before?” [Owen/Ianto]

No Sense Of Direction by paperclipbitch - After Gwen finally leaves Owen, Ianto is left to try and pick up the pieces. [Owen/Ianto. Link goes to the last chapter of the series, which has links to the previous chapters]

Beautiful Lies by remuslives23 - "Truth is beautiful, without a doubt; but so are lies." Ianto and Jack after the events of the Lost Souls radio play.

Shooting The Messenger by salmon-pink - Jack gives the orders, Ianto obeys, and Owen thinks that maybe everyone has lost their minds, himself included. [Owen/Ianto PWP]

All The Stars In The Sky by lasersforeyes - Sometime after the end of Jack's world, he meets meets someone familiar in an unfamiliar place, and realizes that somehow, things just keep going.

The Dominant Line Between Life And Death by ladyflowdi - In the space of a heartbeat, between the rhythmic pulse of life itself, Ianto’s world is split in two. There is only the Before and the After, the Once Was and Is Now, as if someone has cut him right down the middle, a perfect sagittal seam that has equal parts guts, eyes, and heart. He is coexisting with himself, and the other Ianto won’t stop screaming.

Passing Currents by feathereddino - Gwen assists with clean-up after a case is finished. [This fic is pretty Gwen-bashy/old school fic Gwen characterisation, but the rest of the concept and other characterisations are so fun and spot on that I want to rec it.]

No Word For Yes by copperbadge - Someday he will have a Jack-to-English dictionary. Though it will contain more than just the words, he supposes. And be unsuitable for children.

Life Lived Without Thinking by pocketmouse - While exploring the lower levels, Ianto steps through a doorway, and disappears into blackness. [Owen/Ianto, ish]

Roses In December by remuslives23 - Memories of better times assailed him, snippets of his life ticking over in his mind like flashes of scenes from a film, faster and faster until he couldn't breathe then the floodgates flew open, and he couldn't stop the crippling pain from bending him in two.

Management Of Dead Bodies In Disaster Situations: A Field Manual by heddychaa - Darragh Edmonds is a so-called "disaster specialist". Called to the site of tsunamis, earth quakes, floods, terrorist attacks, he takes up the grim task of putting order to human remains, and he does it well. Cleaning up after a biological attack on Thames House should make for a comparatively easy day for Darragh: after all, the bodies of Thames House have even been so considerate as to pile themselves right at the front door for him. That is, until he's sworn to secrecy and sent, alone, to collect two bodies from the building's eerie top floor.

Confluence by cmdr_spadge - Once Lisa is dead, it's Owen who decides what to do with Ianto.

Interstitial by sholio - They jostled around each other for a while, bouncing off each other's sharp and broken edges—and then they started to fit, like puzzle pieces that couldn't click together until they found just the right angle. [Owen/Ianto]

do not go gentle by someawkwardprose - His hands were shaking. Lisa was dead. They’d killed her, the whole bloody team, and he hated them. Lisa was dead, and he wasn’t.

Simile by echo - After being trapped, beaten, terrified, and deprived of sleep, Ianto is desperate to get away from the activity surrounding the village. Unfortunately, with a concussion and any number of unknown injuries, that's not really a good idea.

Separated by AuthorInDistress - When the Toclafane attack during the 'Year That Never Was', Owen and Ianto survive that hell together.

C12H22O11 by Jane St Claire - Sometimes things turn up right in the Hub. It's a big time-saver. [A creature falls through the rift. It might be more than what it seems.]

Writing The Truth In Blue by pecos - The glimpse of a pink dress shirt in the rubbish skip was enough tweak Jack’s curiosity. What he eventually found led him to realize what he was about to lose forever.

I also have a number of old deleted classics saved, stuff by rcmclachlan (I just have From Which Come All Things, which is the important one imo), rexluscus, and lawford, and a few others, so if you're an old fan and want those, dm me!

[xxsweetoothxx]

Hello! How about some Minerva/Alex Kage lore? (I love their design, they look cool as fuck by the way)

like what are some things they like, (hobbies, interests) or what are their powers? How did they become a killer? Or more specifically why a klown themed killer? What are their relationships like with the others, like: Jeff, Wilson, Ragz, Domi, etc? (I don’t know if any of this was already answered or not, I couldn’t find anything in my deep dive, sorry if I’m making you repeat shit you already explained)

Nah, you're good I don't think I've ever really talked much about Minerva/Mono but I can for sure answer this stuff!

Minerva is a fun character because shes one I made when I was like 14-15 and was so badly written but also for the revamp of PM I wanted to kinda keep her story close to how it was back then so I will say a heads up her story is very much 15 year old me branded and I mostly just tried to fill in gaps to make it at the least make a bit more sense but it still is like kinda shit and I love that about her.

As far as interest and Hobbies go she's big into sports. Specifically Baseball is her favorite as well as boxing. She likes clowns that is part of why she is clown themed. She's also got interest in voodoo as she did grow up learning about it since her Ganmother Seraphine practiced it.

She's got a major sweet tooth as well and if she sees anything sweet she WILL eat it. Drinks WAAAAAAY too much root beer.

What are her relationships with the others?

Jeff - Initially she did hate Jeff quite a lot as he kinda did slit her throat when he first met her and then claimed it was because he panicked because SHE scared HIM. They do eventually end up developing a friendship.

Wilson - Wilson and Minerva get along well enough however should NEVER be left alone with each other as they WILL end up doing some shit that is just dumb as fuck and could potentially be destructive or dangerous for them and those around them. Her Jeff and Wilson all end up developing a pretty strong friend group and do just be beating the shit out of each other for fun.

Ragz - Ragz Is a bit complex because outside of clown training Minerva does actually like Ragz but can't stand their ass when it comes to learning clown shit.

Domi - fun fact! Domi and Minerva are siblings Domis mom and Minervas father end up dating at some point. Domi and Minerva already had a sorta sibling relationship before this so they're just happy for them. They also did form the 3 ring together.

Now the OTHER QUESTIONS I'ma just drop lore on the backstory under the cut because it's long and requires a lot of info on the backstory to understand.

So For the vast majority of her life up until meeting Slenderman, Minerva was under the impression she was a human named Alexandria Kage and was Raised by a woman who she THOUGHT was her biological grandmother named Seraphine. The reality of it was that she wasn't a human like at all and she wasn't even biologically related to her. She started going by Minerva after getting to the underworld and meeting her Father who told her that was the name he intended to give her before her "Mother" (Seraphine) left him and took Minnie with her. Her Father and Seraphine were a couple and at one point wanted to start a family however him being a Shade and her being human they couldn't biologically have a child together. However the decided to go the route of making a nightmare which is essentially a human spirit that's consumed by a Shade and reborn as a Nightmare (think of them kinda like sleep paralysis demons. They create nightmares and feed of fear and when someone experiences sleep paralysis these are the "demons" they might see). At first things were fine but once Minerva got older to where it was time that she started actually doing nightmare shit Seraphine didn't like the idea of her living by taking advantage of peoples fears and in some cases trauma. She saw it as just morally fucked up (which for a human 100% would be fucked up to take advantage of someone's fears insecurities and trauma) They basically got into a disagreement as it was essentially that Minerva start learning about her abilities and just what she is at a young age so when she's an adult she doesn't struggle with them. Seraphine who started to dabbled in magic not long after meeting him didn't think she ever needed to because they had a means to disguise her as a human and for her to live a normal human life. It kinda at that point ended up being a disagreement over how Minerva should be aware of what she is rather than keeping that a secret from her for the rest of her life. Seraphine decided to just up and leave with her and basically raised Minerva in the road so not to be found by Minnies father. Because of how nightmares age however by the time Minerva was in her mid 20s Seraphine was old as hell. And by that point they had settled in New Orleans. Fast forward to about a month before the start of PM and Seraphine passes away which Minerva takes hard as she was her only family. But with Seraphine gone there wasn't anyone to continue to do the spell that disguised Minerva as a human so her nightmare qualities started to slowly show as the spell was wearing off. It caused people to fear her simply because Nightmares just unsettle humans by being around them. It caused her to lose the relationships she had formed, her job, and eventually she was essentially completely alone. But once these things started to show it made it easier for her to track down and that's when Slenderman found her. He knew her father so a Proxy was sent to go and bring Minerva back. However they didn't really think through that Jeff is a human so it kinda went south quick resulting in Minervas "Death" as far as local authorities knew. She was pronounced dead. She stayed in the underworld because not only did she just find out her whole life was a lie she did need to learn to use her abilities and how to survive. Not only that she'd never be able to have a normal life among humans so best she could do is try and have one on the underworld. She works for Slenderman specifically so she can have a well paying job and get on her feet as she didn't want to just rely on her dad as she didn't have a relationship with him and it just felt strange to her to do it.

[elliegoose]

Big mental health/life post, because i really wanna put this stuff down on the page and could use the feeling of being heard right about now.

in the summer because of some unfortunate stuff i moved halfway across the country to live with my parents. then some other stuff happened that ended up incidentally triggering some really extreme bipolar episodes--that's why i was in the psych ward a couple months ago and also why i took an unannounced hiatus from this blog for most of october--and ever since then i've been just... struggling kind of a lot.

i feel disconnected from my art, my sexuality, cooking, music, and most things that have been important to me. i don't feel the sense of home that i used to have out in texas. i'm anxious and down most of the time. i feel especially disconnected from the kink communities that used to be kind of the center of my online social life. this has been a particularly difficult emotional blow to endure and a particularly large reason why i've felt so awful.

in the past month, i've developed an inexplicable social anxiety that's horrible to deal with as someone who's normally very outgoing and who used to find socializing very easy. now, though, i'm often just filled with self-doubt and panic while trying to socialize with people, which is making it incredibly difficult to keep building the new friendships i've started to foster out here in my new city.

i'm just doing the best i can every day, attending my IOP program, applying the skills i've been learning there as diligently as possible, keeping up with my hobbies (for as disconnected as i feel from art i'm still doing quite a bit of it, and picking up the banjo has done so much to sustain what little of my mental health i still have), getting out into nature, going to a lot of fun events (drag shows, happy hours, full moon rituals, ttrpg/boardgame nights, furry meetups, folk musician meetups, etc.) and hanging out with the folks i meet there as often as i'm able even despite all my newfound social anxiety, but even with all that i'm just... persistently in emotional pain that i don't know how to effectively alleviate.

i know part of it is that i'm out of work, and i know having a job will give my life more structure, but i also know that's not the whole of what's happening here. i've been out of work before and it's not affected me this badly. it's also that i'm lonely, deeply unsure of myself after making some unwise decisions and having to face so many of my flaws, grappling with my disproportionate senses of shame, anxiety, and responsibility, yearning for more purpose and autonomy than i currently have, wanting to feel like i'm contributing to something larger than myself, and anxious after going through so much chaos and repeated disruption and loss.

i'm glad my IOP demands sobriety because it's been a struggle to not use alcohol as a crutch.

fucking... life. it's been a goddamn year for sure.

[dwobbitfromtheshire]

The Perfect Jacket

Eddie's leather jacket had gotten ruined in the upside down. Did Eddie pout about it? Yes? Did Steve hate seeing him pout about it? Absolutely. Eddie and Steve were hanging out at Steve's house when Steve suddenly rushed upstairs. He came back with his letterman jacket.

"You know what would really piss people off? If you showed up to school wearing this. You can put your pins and patches on it, too. You could totally pull this off," Steve said eagerly.

God, Eddie wanted to kiss him so badly. He just grinned and took the jacket from him.

"Are you sure about this?" Eddie asked.

"Yes! Keep it!" Steve exclaimed.

"Thanks, man," Eddie said and slipped on the jacket. "How do I look?"

"I told you that you could pull it off, and you do," Steve replied cheerily.

A few days later, Eddie stumbled into Family Video wearing the jacket, and Steve cursed under his breath. Eddie waved at them as he wondered away to pick out a movie.

"Fuck, he's cute," Steve said.

"What?" Robin asked, her head snapping to look at him.

"I said, "Fuck, he's cute," Robin," Steve replied.

"Yeah, I heard you," Robin said. "But, you do know that Eddie is a guy, right?"

"No, Robin, I completely fucking missed that obvious clue," Steve bitched at her.

It was his favorite thing about his friendship with Robin. They could be as bitchy with each other as much as they wanted to and it wouldn't bother them, not one bit. Apparently, that was also Eddie's favorite thing about Steve’s friendship with Robin. They were entertaining. The Bitchamigos, Eddie called them.

"You like guys? Since when?" Robin asked.

"Since Eddie. I'm bisexual, Robin," Steve said.

"And you just accepted that?"

"Yep."

"No panic, whatsoever?"

"Nope."

"You were just like,"Oh, hey, I like Eddie. I must be bisexual. Cool." ?"

"Yep."

"That's not fair! I totally panicked when I realized I liked girls!"

"We're not the same person, Rob," Steve replied.

"What are you two gossiping about, ladies?" Eddie asked as he leaned against the counter.

"I was just letting Stevie here know that his hair looks totally awful today," Robin said, glaring at Steve.

"No, it doesn't!" Steve and Eddie exclaimed. Robin smirked at the both of them.

"Cute jacket, Eddie."

A couple of weeks later, Steve invited Eddie for a sleepover, allowing him to show Steve the Star Wars movies that Eddie had been begging him to watch. Steve couldn't say no to him. Eddie was sitting on the couch in a pair of shorts and a t shirt, hugging the letterman jacket close to his chest. Eddie was sucking on a ring less knuckle as he moved his body with the ships on the screen, making the noises as he did so. God, he couldn't believe how fucking gone he was on this huge nerd. He hadn't planned on telling him, but he couldn't help it.

"You're so fucking cute," Steve said and Eddie whipped his head to look at him, his chocolate brown eyes wide.

His hair was up in a bun, and ringlets of curls framed his face. His hair was still slightly damp from the shower he had earlier, so his hair was curlier than ever.

"Come again?" Eddie asked as he paused the movie.

"You're so fucking cute," Steve repeated.

"You think I'm cute?" Eddie asked and hid his face inside the jacket.

Steve cupped his face and tilted it so that Eddie was looking at him. He began to kiss his cheeks, his nose, and his forehead. He planted a kiss wherever there was a spot available, saving his lips for last. Eddie giggled. Finally, Steve leaned in and placed a gentle kiss to Eddie's lips.

"So fucking cute," he said, gazing at him with a look of complete adoration.

Eddie grinned, launching himself at Steve and doing the same thing to him: kissing his face before finally landing on his lips. The kiss was sweet and gentle, their lips slotting together as if they were two lost puzzle pieces finally reuniting. They laid down on the couch to finish the movies while wrapped up in each other's arms. Eddie's head was tucked under Steve’s chin as he placed a hand over his heart, their legs entertwined. Steve’s arm was wrapped around Eddie's jacket clad back.. His hand slipped underneath the jacket and his shirt to run circles in the small of Eddie's back. Eddie let out a sigh of contentment. Perfect.

[buckybarnesss]

Newer fans latching onto Theo is, like, kind of baffling to me, because the moment I saw him I was like, "This is a low-rent, generic version of season 1 Derek."

And that thought just never went away.

Admittedly, I don't like any of the new characters except for Liam (even though he is just Jackson-lite.) Mason is Diet Danny. Hayden, the white boys I can't remember (there are like three or four characters I could not pick out of a line-up if you put a gun to my fucking head), and Theo's pack are just... they're okay, but I have no opinions on them whatsoever.

I famously do not like Malia, and I'd rather watch Malia struggle with her homework than watch the baby wolves. To this day, I have not seen all of season 6A and my interest in 6B ends and begins with "Oh, Derek's back!!"

apparently it's a bit controversial to say theo was purposefully presented by the narrative to be a derek mirror.

derek's absence in season 5 is a vacuum. he was such a huge, significant part of the narrative that his absence is a black hole. like, there was a purpose to scott bringing derek up to stiles and for stiles's to get all gooey at seeing the initials DH at senior scribe.

it set up how stiles and scott are coping with derek's absence.

scott is trying but he didn't realize how much he learned from derek, how much he leaned on derek's knowledge and experience and how for granted he took derek's presence. which is realistic to their relationship.

stiles is straight up Not Dealing With It and it's Going Badly.

teen wolf loves, loves, loves to reference, reframe and repeat it's own narrative. the issue stiles and scott have with theo is exactly their whole difference of opinion about derek from s1-2 but in a shorter time frame.

theo is exactly what scott thought derek was early on: a lying, power hungry sister-killer. but scott was wrong about derek and in trying to course correct that error he is wrong about theo.

the other function theo performs narratively in season 5 is being a dark stiles mirror.

both stiles and scott in both season 5 and 6a are scared of change. they are scared of their relationships changing. their rapidly approaching adulthood is scary.

the nogitsune changed stiles and it's something neither scott or stiles have really confronted. theo is obsessed with void stiles and prods at that trauma for stiles while he presents himself as scott's long-lost bestie tapping into scott's fears about stiles and the longing for the friendship they had before all this started.

theo's doing a lot of things in season 5 tbh. he's got so many assignments lol.

theo's pack is just kind of there because for theo they were merely a means to an end. the only ones that mattered in the end were hayden and corey.

i do like corey when he's around and hayden was just wasted in my opinion.

(bonus: i once mentioned that liam and mason were jackson and danny but like three spaces to the left on the subreddit and people were very confused by that and i was like "....do other people not see this?" jeff notoriously keeps throwing spaghetti at the wall till it sticks)

[meowzilla93]

this is a rant, vent, jumble of words im feeling and need to get it out of my system because im a little done

please scroll along if you dont wanna read, or dont, i dont control you

it never ceases to amaze me just how cruel people in fandoms can be. cruel, mean, hyprocritical, straight up dumb.

dont get me wrong, these people are a minority. i have found myself amongst the best sort of people in fandoms i am a part of and couldnt be happier for the friendships i have made from them.

but this incredibly loud minority piss me off to no end. i stay away from any sort of discourse, silently watching from the background and watch thing blow up over trivial matters, and then learn who to avoid in those circles and move on with my life

but when i see, what i consider to be blatant bullying, to someone i hold dear, i dont want to be quiet anymore. im not a loud figure, im a tiny blog that loves to simp over 2d characters, a tiny stream channel that i interact with like minded people. and i mean i am TINY, im barely a blip on this wide web. so anything i say, it doesnt go anywhere, so still, i stay silent until i cant anymore.

so lets get to the crux of the matter.

if you dont like a character, you dont get to make others feel bad about liking them. i dont care if you think they are problematic, if you dont like their story, their look, or simply the fact that they exist

you dont get to make someone feel bad for finding a connection with them and loving them

you dont get to attack them about liking the character, passively or aggressively, you dont get to make fun of them and any of the work they do around them. you have no right to take it upon yourself and make someone feel like they dont belong just because they like a character that you dont

if you dont like the character, dont fucking interact, its that bloody simple. scroll away. mute the tag, mute the channel, whatever. just walk away

interacting with someones content for the pure purpose to make fun of it is cruel. you are making it public that you want to demean the person for what they enjoy. and the worst thing is, if you catch the attention of the younger audience, they learn that they get to act that way, and this kind of online activity only gets worse

it already has gotten worse. man, im a millenial and i thought keyboard warriors when i was in highschool and older where bad. these days the younger generation feel justified to think that they can say whatever they want and suffer no consequences of those actions. i see it in so many fandom discourses. its horrible

but they learn from the worst of us on the internet. the more they see the cruel interactions, the more they think its okay to act that way. and without a doubt, fandoms will end up being incredibly toxic environments that people wont feel comfortable to exist in anymore.

every fandom has a toxic space, its unfortunate but it is true. i wish it wasnt

and the smaller the fandom, the louder this toxic group is

it just fucking sucks. and watching people i care about be treated so badly hurts because all i can do is be their support. an ear, a shoulder, just someone they can vent to. but it doesnt stop the fact that they got hurt and i cant do anything about it

god i dont even know what this even turned into. im tired, im upset, im just so frustrated.

why cant people just be nice?

if you managed to read all the way down here, man i applaud you. that was a great mess of thoughts, i still have many more but at this point i feel like i would be repeating myself

please, just. be kind guys. its not that hard, i swear it

to all my moots, honestly, i love you guys. seeing all your work and love you put into your creations gives me life and brightens my day. dont ever stop loving your craft and your fav characters just because someone decided to be a prick.

[thephantomcasebook]

they’re saying it’s olivia and matt, i don’t particularly care for actors dating but given how nasty their fans are to each other (and how badly they want olivia to be gay and dating emma) it’ll cause more toxicity on here if it’s true, no doubt

https://x.com/cerseify/status/1822673349337895115?s=46

I mean ...

Why does anyone care?

Why do fandoms care about the actors real lives? They're actors and actresses, they're already not real people! I guarantee you, from a lot of experience, they're probably the least interesting people in the world. Their life and money is repeating things that people write for them.

Directors, Writers, Stuntmen, and Key Grips, are far more interesting conversations than actors and actresses.

The only way I care about an actor or actresses personal life is if it's effecting - negatively - the show I like.

That's why I cringe at Olivia Cooke and Emma D'Arcy's friendship in real life. Because, they're so immature and unprofessional that they can't put it away to play the characters as they should be played. They've made themselves and their relationship a focal point of HOTD when it shouldn't be.

There's a lot of stories of actors and actresses becoming incredibly close on set, sometimes so close that they become family in real life. Michelle Dockery and Laura Carmichael from "Downton Abbey" Have been so close, for so long, that they're practically sisters and their real biological sisters even hang out with each other without them. They've basically created a real life integrated family from over a decade of close friendship due to being on a television set for six years.

But when they're on "Downton Abbey" they play sisters that are sworn enemies since childhood. And you know what? Not only do they play it well, but they enjoy scheming and fighting one another on screen. They were actually disappointed when their characters buried the hatchet and became closer as sisters because they enjoyed being antagonistic to one another.

That's peak professionalism, being as close as sisters in real life, but putting it away to play enemies so well that they made the audience believe they don't get along in real life, because, they play the characters as bitter rivals so fucking authentically.

This is the difference between Michelle Dockery and Laura Carmichael acting like grown ass women in a professional setting. And Olivia Cooke and Emma D'Arcy acting like children trying to bend the story to their real life wants.

Also, I'll never understand why these fucking weirdos want Olivia Cooke and Emma D'Arcy to be gay so bad. Not only has Emma D'Arcy been in a committed relationship with the same boyfriend for over a decade, but Olivia Cooke has put up on her Instagram really thirsty and TMI posts of how much she loves penis for years.

It's fucking strange, even for this fandom.

[joaniscruzing]

not a fanfic, just a little random thing i wrote

so i was dealing with some stuff ✨ and decided to write this. I don't know how this all got in my head and how i even wrote this, but enjoy? i guess? this isn't a fanfic, just something i imagined in my head.

“Why do you even talk to me?” you asked her. She showed up at your doorstep, six months after the last time the two of you had a real conversation, to which all she had to say was about how she had so many other plans, yet she came to spend time with you.

“What do you mean why? Aren’t we best friends?” she answered back, in that nonchalant way you hated. You hated how she could easily not care about anything, and forget some of the most crucial, important details. How could she forget? How she had asked you why you were how you were, and why you didn’t go the same path as her.

If only she knew that you’d give anything to be like her, for that to be who you are, and how you’d fake it if you could, but she was the one who taught you to be who you are with no regrets.

“Do best friends choose someone they barely know over someone they’ve known almost all their life?”

“I’ve known her three years. I can hang out with her if I want.”

“When do I ever see you now? Huh? We go to different schools, and you have your pretty friends, with their pretty gold jewelry, and perfect hair, and I have my friends, with their dyed hair, and baggy jeans, and obscure interests. Just admit it, you don’t like who I am now and you decided to talk to her to try and hide it a bit.” you see her eyes well up with tears. Oh, how bad you feel. But if only she had seen how hard you had been crying the night after you spent the whole day trying to rekindle something from the ashes of the friendship you now had with her.

“You know it’s not like that. You’ve always been like this. Pushing things out of proportion. Not leaving things as is, and instead, dwelling on every silly little thing you can think of.” she gets out, quietly, a small tear rolling down her face.

“You know, I was crying in the car, right next to you, and you didn’t even notice at all.” you whisper, voice breaking from incoming tears.

“There were people there. I didn’t want to cause a scene.” You make a mental list of literally everything else she could’ve done. She could’ve talked to you when you two were alone, or pulled you aside to see how you were doing. She could’ve texted you later to see how you were.

But she didn’t even notice you were missing when she was with all her other friends.

And what were you going to do? List all that to her? You would’ve sounded fucking insane.

“Alright, whatever.” you say, those thoughts racing through your head.

“You never answered my question.” she repeats. “We’re still friends, right?”

“I don’t know,” you admit, your voice raising in pitch as you pace, walking in circles, your hands in the air. “Are we still friends? Because last time I checked, you wanted nothing to do with me. You stopped saying hi to me the last few months of school we had together before we went to different schools. When I tried sitting at your lunch table, I felt like a fish out of the water, because, not once did you make an effort to include me. In fact, how about how you would just REPORT to me every stupid thing those kids would say about me. Hm? How do you think that made me feel?”

She begins to try and explain herself, but you keep going.

“I was there for you when you needed me the most. When you were too scared to talk to anyone, and they made fun of you for being so quiet, wasn’t I there for you? Didn’t I do what I thought was the best thing for you at the time? I have needed you so badly these last two years, and all you’ve done is made my situation much worse. On top of having to deal with all my problems, I had to worry if I even had a true friend in my vicinity. You know what? If I’m being honest, up until last September, from the time you decided that I wasn’t what you needed anymore, I had no one. No one at all.”

“You have to understand,” she tries to explain, “I’ve had my things too, recently.”

“And I would’ve been there for you. All I wanted was my best friend. I wanted her to hug me and tell me everything was going to be okay. I didn’t want her to tell me that I couldn’t date my crush because it was against the ‘rules.’ I didn’t want you giving me looks every time I said anything that had to do with me liking girls. I would never have told you if I had known it would be this way.”

“I’m a woman of God. You know that.”

“God never had a problem with being gay.”

“Is this what this is all about? That I didn’t welcome you with open arms and give you something rainbow when you told me you were gay?”

“I just wanted you to be there.”

“Well aren’t I here now?”

“How long are you going to be here, before you go back and decide not to talk to me for another six months?” She opens her mouth to say something, but nothing comes out.

She leaves, leaving the door for you to close. You watch her drive her car out of your driveway, because, unfortunately, you do still care about her.

You still think about the perfect memories you made with her, almost every single day when you were younger.

You still wish you could work things out with her, put this all behind, but deep down, you know it’s long over.

You have your best friend, the best one you could ask for, you’re no longer alone anymore. You realize that your best friend is hundreds of times a better match for you than the girl who just left your driveway. Taking a deep breath, the millions of things you wanted to say to her off of your chest, you finally accept it.

Accept the fact that it’s with a heavy heart that you finally accept the death of the friendship with your first real best friend.

[novadreii]

Your attitude and words give me strength! You're tough as nails babe. Any tips for getting over a breakup quickly ?

aw i'm glad! this is partly why i keep this messy online diary going strong lol

you didn't mention how far out you were from it/the circumstances, but some general stuff i personally did would be (for a non-amicable breakup where i was emotionally abused, constantly lied to and generally neglected for the last 6 months of the relationship):

therapy if accessible, but you don't need this to heal. i just had enough issues to where this breakup was the tip of the iceberg lol, and i really needed the guidance to point out all of the broken ways i think.

realize that this person's treatment of you (if it was bad) had nothing to do with your worth as a person. same if it was just simple incompatibility with no mistreatment; incompatibility is neutral. how someone treats you is ONLY a reflection of who they are as a person. repeat this messaging to yourself no matter how fake it feels. it will sink in over time. it's not your fault. you never deserve to be treat poorly.

you'll see a lot of "forgive them...for yourself." messaging. fuck that lmao. you don't have to forgive anyone. certainly not anyone who isn't sorry. your resentment/anger at being fucked over comes from a place inside of you that loves you and is protective of you. honor it. it will subside when it subsides. mine ebbs and flows a lot and i just let it. that pacifistic/manipulative narrative of "anger is poison" is bullshit. it's an integral part of healing and denying yourself the right to be mad that you were treated badly is self-betrayal.

LET YOURSELF FEEL. i cannot stress enough that fighting your feelings, or trying to dissociate from them with drugs/food/alcohol/sex will only delay this process. feelings you do not allow yourself to process get stuck and manifest in other ways you won't be able to make an association to. they don't just evaporate. cry when you wanna cry, rage when you wanna rage. keep an outlet and use it often (for me it's my blog and a paper journal).

contrary to the above, balance feeling your feelings with self-care, friendships, and trying new things! it helps to keep your mind from ruminating. you want to feel for an appropriate amount of time, but not ruminate, you know? i learned that rumination is actually a form of dissociation from your feelings and delays healing.

go no contact. personally, i never stay friends with my exes, because it keeps me stuck in the past. possibly the single most useful tool when evaluating if someone is good for you or not. you cannot continue to associate with someone who treats you like shit if you are still attached to them. they will fully take advantage of that. attachment does not equal love, so you need time to let the attachment fade so you can clearly reflect on what kind of person they are. you will be amazed at the kind of clarity you get once you let the fog of attachment fade. things that never occurred to you before just become...obvious. painfully so. the ways in which you were excusing their behavior come to light. this is so necessary.

do not break no contact for anything ever. seriously. that is giving your power away to them, again. instead of reaching out to them, journal what you wish you could say. my personal favorite is to replay all of the worst memories of how they treated me like an awful mental movie, of how i basically cried for 6 months straight, each and every time they looked at me with cold, empty eyes and knowingly hurt me when i was doing my very best. don't do this too often because it's not great to dwell and cause yourself pain, only use this technique when you mistakenly feel like you miss them. you miss who you thought they were, not the real them.

don't rush into dating new people. you will know when you are ready vs. when you are doing it to show up your ex/cope/distract yourself. people are not playthings or coping mechanisms. you WILL attract someone similar again unless you heal.

take up EFT tapping (brad yates is the definitive source for me) this helped me reprogram subconscious beliefs about myself (how i always attract people who hurt/abandon me, feelings of worthlessness etc). it feels silly and fake at first but i stg, this shit is like magic.

all of this culminates to realizing that nobody can give you the love and care you can and MUST give to yourself! this relationship has made me a proponent of the belief that it's hard to find fulfilling romantic relationships unless you love yourself first. you will attract people on the same vibration as you, so if you have healing to do you will also attract damaged people who cannot love you the way you need. love and respect yourself truly, deeply, and wholly. not only will it feel amazing to finally be on your own side, but you will attract people who treat you like the queen/king you are. it will also make you a better partner to them.

these are the major things that helped me. I'm 5 months out and feel like.....85% of the way there? i still struggle with anger but like i said, i honor and don't repress that side of me. the goal is not to move through this quickly, but to surrender to however long it takes to process this. ironically, that IS the way to move through it as quickly as possible.

you WILL heal, you WILL love and be loved again. don't let bad experiences taint and sour your view of people. there are good, kind people who can't wait to meet you out there. when you truly love yourself, you will not settle for anyone who doesn't match that level of self-love. you won't even contemplate overstaying your welcome with abusive, low-effort partners. take every failed relationship as a learning experience and you never really lose. <3

[mamamittens]

Okay, so after sitting on it, I think I've came up with another fun design detail.

Mainly the idea of them having super dark hair originally but, from chronic, repeated exposure to pure light from threads beads, and whatever else, parts of it are just lighter. Little chunks and sections chaotically through their massive hair.

Almost wanted to do specific colors depending on the type of light but that implies consistency in their habit of storing bits they've made that they just wouldn't bother with.

Still not sold on the purple but if I do then it would fade to pastel and whitish really hard at the ends. Which neatly makes it look like the morning sky if you wanna be poetic about it.

Considered a similar thing happening to their skin but I'm afraid of it looking a little off, or just silly. The scarring/tattoos are a good visual indicator of how erratic the raw energy is even with practice anyway.

Had the cute idea that when they like someone they, in all their weird, awkward glory, offer to make a friendship bracelet. Usually they're turned down but eventually someone does take them up on it and they just sorta

Hop in place with excitement and usher them over to a window where a spot of sunlight is. And then, with no explanation, starts making thread and cord and slipping on beads as they rattle off little warnings.

"Ah, I'm so happy to finally make one for someone! Oh, be careful of skin contact with this, it tends to make you energetic and keep you from falling asleep. It may also glow in the dark. Just keep it somewhere dark for a while and it'll tone down, but it will recharge? In the sun? And prolonged wear may lead to a slight tan--Im so excited! Oh! And! And!" They're grinning and bouncing as they secure it closed. "If you break it, it'll explode!"

At the alarmed expression they backtrack apologetically.

"No, no! Not like that! It's not that strong--its more like a small firecracker? Bright flash of light. Might burn a bit if it's the whole thing. Oh! And disrupts chakra pretty badly but that's temporary! It's just all the energy inside it going POP! All at once!"

And the other person is just staring at them blankly.

"...how did you make this?"

"...by hand?"

"..."

"... You were there?"

"...with chakra?"

"No, with sunlight, silly!" And the other person just looks over at the wares with little sun and moon symbols on the tags with growing horror. Maybe they're a ninja and do some sensing and realize the entire place lights up like a Roman candle, including their new 'bestie'.

(Hyuga hate their fucking shop so much lmfao)

"...okay."

Just wait until they get a grasp of elemental chakra. Suddenly these products get a lot more interesting.

Super rough sketch design of my String Bean OC lol, details still in the works I'm just trying to figure out vibes ngl

Gave em a fun pose to start the process.

I like the idea of crazy ass hair and there's just these random ass spools secured with braids. Couldn't quite get across the idea but the current plan is eyes that weirdly reflect the light that's around them? Like, during the day it's the same color as the sunlight and night the moonlight. I suppose during new moons they'd be black? Lol?

Naruto eyeball bullshit basically but idk how much I'll stick with it. Did want the pupils to reflect literal light though.

Not totally dedicated to the purple honestly, but maybe I'll like it more if I added a secondary color? Or maybe that's a bit much??? There are some interesting hair colors but it's usually pretty standard and toned down for anime hair, gravity defying antics aside.

Gender still undecided and who knows, they may remain gender fluid/neutral. Something something constantly manipulating near raw yin and yang chakra with coils so flexible they can handle most chakras with practice makes them, at their core, very flexible identity wise.

Did decide I wanted their personality to be deliberately a little weird. Like, they enjoy contorting and walking like a toon character cause they don't have a lot of friends if any. So it makes them laugh if nothing else. And they're honest but the shit they say sounds so wack no one takes it seriously most of the time.

Shit like

"Okay, what kind of clothes are you wanting made?"

"What kind of clothes?"

"Well, yeah. If you want pajamas, making it so you can fling fireballs with a wave would probably not be advised."

"Ugh, just normal clothes, thanks"

"...alright! Normal it is!"

They can, in fact, do that with sun threads and some mild seals. Not permanent work, but pretty long lasting.

Hyuga hate looking at them cause they mend their own clothes with raw thread and it's like looking at a lazer show for them. Professional clothes they use regular thread, maybe soaked in a particular light for, since the raw stuff tends to dissipate over time.

Originally wanted a colorful wardrobe but I think I'll leave the color for their cute little caplet lined with pockets and needles. They're very handy, having taken up a lot of hobbies in their spare time.

The weirdness chills out by A LOT when they are around an actually friend. Otherwise it's Space Cadet Central in here.

Had the small idea of Danzo trying genetic bullshit but eventually ruling out their family for even base stock for his special little soldiers cause they're all so fucking spacey and can't seem to focus the minute they're outside. It's cause of the whole 'seeing light as malleable form" thing but he never quite managed to get that part from them before killing them off. The fun part about having someone so morally deprived is that, technically, an OC like this one could be related to ANYONE lmfao, cause some of these science bitches didn't give a FUCK about robbin graves.

If they're a civilian it would be hilarious if they were "home schooled ninja" because of how useful basic ninja training is out in the field. Mainly strength bullshit and endurance honestly still very on the fence about the ninja bit.

All I really know for sure is that they're Super Weird A Lot and Very Unfairly Pretty for Max Confusion. And Tol. Very slender and Tol.

[herehavesomeheadcanons]

Hello! Could u write headcanons for Lacus and Rene? Maybe about cuddling or how they would take care of their s/o? Let your creativity flow! Tysm!

It would seem that ONS is taking over my blog... Not that I mind. It's a fantastic series!

I fucking love Lacus and Rene. Their friendship dynamic is the absolute best- get ready for:

Kissing/Cuddling part 2: Best Bros boogaloo~

Lacus Welt

💜✨ He's basically a really lazy Ferid, honestly. Absolutely loves pda, no qualms about it. At home, prepare to be captured and snuggled for hours on end. Lacus would like nothing better than to just lay in bed all day and cuddle!

💜✨ Lacus's kisses depend on his mood. Sometimes he's slow and lazy, and other times things get more heated. Actually... A lot of times things get heated.

💜✨He is Not a gentleman in the slightest. If he wants to do something, he's going to do it. How many times must I repeat myself? Lacus is a little hedonist. He's only about 25% better than Ferid, but that’s just because he’s not creative enough to come up with ideas. As long as you don’t give him ideas, you should be ok.

💜✨ Lacus fucking loves cuddles. Vampires are cold blooded, so cuddling a warm human warms them up. And being warm feels good. Lacus likes to feel good, so, naturally, he likes cuddling. Simple arithmetic.

💜✨He has no preference for big or little spoon, but he enjoys laying on you. Part of the reason for this is to keep you from escaping. Sometimes, Lacus is the absolute laziest motherfucker in the vampire world (especially after a hard day’s work). The minute he gets home, he wants to drag you to bed (or a couch, or the floor) for cuddles. You will be stuck there for H O U R S. I’m sorry if you’re a very active person who needs to just do things all the time, but on those days the best you’re gonna get is if you *ahem* “initiate some action.”

💜✨ As for caring for you… honestly he’s a disaster. I wouldn’t trust him to keep a goldfish alive for more than a week. He has no fucking clue what he’s doing, and you’re going to have to help him A LOT. He also gets a lot of reluctant help from Rene.

Rene Simm

🖤♦️ pda? Absolutely not. He’s above such things. (He’s actually not, but he pretends he is.) Oh? What’s that i hear in the distance…? It sounds like the tsundere song! 

🖤♦️ Short, reluctant kisses, and only if you beg for them. He likes them a lot, but he’s so good at hiding it.

🖤♦️ Unlike Lacus, Rene's self-control is through the roof. It doesn't matter how badly he wants to passionately make out with you, he'll sit there and pretend he doesn't like it. If you can get him to drop his tsundere act (good luck), things will get more ✨heated✨.

🖤♦️ As for cuddling, just fucking tackle him. Literally throw yourself at him. He loves it more than life itself, but you will NEVER get him to admit it.

🖤♦️ You're usually the big spoon, but only because he pouts and sulks about being touched. It's all an act, but still. If he would get his head out of his ass, he'd love to be the big spoon.

🖤♦️ He’s definitely more responsible that Lacus, that’s for sure! Even if he’s a little aloof and distant, he still makes sure all your basic needs are met. 

[f1goat]

Golf    [part one]

A/N: This is my first time writing in English, sorry in advance for the (grammar) mistakes! I will make a part two soon :) Summary: Lando is one of your best friends and wants you to join him and Carlos on a golf day. The day starts great, but ends with a lot of frustrations.

“Come on Y/N, why don’t you want to join us tomorrow?” You look at the boy in front of you. He’s almost begging at this point. A bit pathetic, but still kinda cute you think. Since you have arrived at his house this morning, he keeps asking you to join him and Carlos tomorrow. They’re going to play some golf. Exactly one of the many sports you don’t know how to play. “Lando, you know I’m shit at golfing,” you respond. It’s the third time you use this reason, but Lando just doesn’t get it. “I can teach you!” Lando exclaims happily, directly seeing an opportunity. “Please just join us 
Y/N, it will be fun.” He goes on.

You sigh softly. Of course you love to spend time with Lando, he’s your best friend after all. And it would be nice to see Carlos once again, after not seeing him for so long. But still, you can’t golf. It’s probably embarrassing. Lando has gotten quite good since he started, Carlos has always been good at it. You would only slow them down. Lando will probably regret it tomorrow when he sees how bad you are. “Lan, I don’t think it’s a good idea. You and Carlos are good at it, I will only slow you down,” you try to explain to Lando. He quickly shakes his head, disagreeing with your explanation. “It will be fun Y/N. It isn’t that hard. Just try it once,” Lando tries once again. Suddenly, you start to wonder why Lando is this desperate about you joining them. Normally he is one to give up after a while. He knows when you want to do something and when you’re not in the mood for something. There has to be a reason for him to be this desperate. “Why do you want me to join so badly?” You ask. Lando stays silent for a while. You can see how hard he thinks of what to say, but you don’t know what is actually going on in his head. Lando has been crushing on you for a while. First it was just an innocent crush. That was what he thought. But lately it has been getting out of his own hands. He doesn’t know how to act anymore. He wants to spend as much time with you as he can between races. He knows he have to tell you eventually, but he doesn’t want to fuck things up. He values your friendship. He doesn’t want to lose you or make things awkward between the two of you. And, there is one tiny other reason for him wanting you to join golfing. Lately he has started to notice what the girls are wearing while playing golf. He just can’t stop thinking about you in such an outfit. Mainly because of the short skirts. He wants, no wait, needs to see you in one of those. “Lando?” Your voice makes him forget everything he was just thinking about for a few seconds. Trying as fast as he can, to think of a normal answer to your question. “I thought you would like it to see Carlos once again,” Lando says eventually. As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he could have thought of something better to say. “And the real reason Lan?” He sighs softly. “I want to spend time with you, Y/N. I have to leave soon for this idiotic triple header, I just want to spend as much time as I can with you before that.” Lando questions himself directly after saying those words. Was he too honest? Was it too much for you to hear? Or did you think of it as something normal? You feel yourself turning red. Repeating the previous words of Lando multiple times through your head. This was not good. Since you’re friends with Lando you have this tiny crush on him. Always had. But you had it under control. At least, that was what you thought. And then you found yourself missing him so much you consistently wore his clothes while being away from him. Watching every interview. Or watching his old video’s for a laugh. Rewatching every snap you took of the two of you. You didn’t know when it happened, but your little crush has gotten a bit out of control. “That’s really sweet of you Lando,” you say while walking closer to him. You smile at him. “Sooo, you will join me tomorrow?” Of course, he doesn’t give up. “You’ll have to teach me,” you mutter, “and I’m a slow learner when it comes to sport.” “Of course babygirl. I will teach you.” Lando curses himself. Didn’t he fuck it up with his words about spending as much time as possible with you, then he does with calling you babygirl. He doesn’t even know why he just did that. But before he can think about it more and making himself mad, he feels your arms around himself. Quickly hugging you back. “What do people wear while golfing?” You ask Lando while pulling away from the hug. You notice his cheeks become a bit red. “Uh.. I don’t really know.. Maybe look at TikTok or something? I think they wear.. uh.. skirts,” he stutters. --- The next day Lando is early at your place. Way too early. You just came out of the shower when he rang the doorbell. In nothing more than a bathrobe you opened the door. Telling the boy you still need to make yourself ready. He nods understandingly, “I thought maybe we could lunch somewhere together before going to Carlos? That’s why I’m so early.” You told Lando you love that idea and that you would be quick. You ran up the stairs, not wanting to let Lando wait for too long. When you came home yesterday night, you had spend some time looking up golf outfits. Not wanting to embarrass Lando and Carlos at the track. You knew they are going to some private club with a lot of rich people. So you want to look good. After doing your research you had laid out an outfit for the following day. Something you’re glad about now. You quickly get dressed up. Wearing a plain white skirt and a tight black polo shirt. You button up the polo while walking towards your make up stash. Applying a light base of make up for today. Lastly you bind your hair in a high ponytail. “I’m almost ready Lan, just need to put on some shoes. I think sneakers are handy, right?” You shout while walking down the stairs. Lando opens the door to the hallway, while replying to you. “Yes, wear sneakers.” Then he sees you. He can only hope you don’t see his reaction and that you don’t catch him staring at you. It’s hard to watch away. Actually, scrap hard. Lando can’t even watch away from you. It feels like his eyes are glued to your body, wanting to take you in. You are wearing exactly what he hoped for. He knew it would look hot, but he didn’t expect it to be this hot. You bend over to put on your shoes. Lando almost gasps when you do. Fuck. How is he going to focus on golf? Or even worse, how is he going to learn you to play golf while you look like this? Your white skirt falls nicely around your legs, making your tanned legs stand out even more. Lando tries not to look, but he just can’t help himself. The skirt ends a bit under your ass. Giving the wind the opportunity to give it all away. He starts to wonder what you are wearing under the skirt. Your polo os tight in all the right places. Lando feels how his own pants were getting tighter. A few hours later the two of you had arrived at the golf track with Carlos. You watched around for a bit, deciding you did choose a good outfit. You felt like you were fitting in. Lando had been right yesterday, it was nice to see Carlos  again. The two of you were talking about his formula one season. Carlos telling you all about his new team, Ferrari. He talked about the new car he had to get used to and his growing friendship with Charles. It was nice to casually talk with Carlos. “Y/N want me to teach you how to play?” Lando interrupts your conversation with Carlos. You look up a bit surprised. Lando isn’t rude like this, normally. You smile to Carlos before answering Lando, “You can try.” “Okay, come here.” Lando responds quickly, smiling like a child. He knows it’s a bit rude to snatch you away from Carlos like that, but he was growing impatient. And there was that one tiny part of him, that kept complaining in his head about you giving your attention to Carlos. Wanting to have your full attention for himself. Lando tried explaining the sport to you, but you failed nonetheless. He showed you multiple times how to swing and hit the small ball. But you sucked. You felt yourself getting a bit frustrated. “I told you Lando, I suck,” you tell him frustrated. Lando doesn’t react. His mind wanders to different meanings of the word suck. Before he can help himself he’s on another level. Thinking about you sucking him off in that golf outfit. At one point Carlos decided to step in, “Here let me try. I taught Isa too.” Lando wants to decline his help, but before he could say a word you were already at Carlos his side. Lando looks at the two of you. Carlos is standing behind you to show you how to make a good swing. Lando notices how close Carlos is to what’s supposed to be his. Why didn’t he think of it? He should have stand behind you. He feels his pants getting tighter of only the thought of it. That close to you in that skirt. He hates himself for even thinking like that. What the fuck is going on with him? The tiny voice Lando had heard earlier today is growing bigger. It’s screaming in his head. Lando feels himself getting mad. He hears how you laugh at something Carlos says. He sees how the two of you hug when you made a nice shot. He is almost seeing red. Maybe, you can scrap almost. Lando knows for sure he’s seeing red. He tries to keep his jealousy inside him, but can’t suppress a scoff. You and Carlos look up at the sound, but Lando quickly looks away. He kept watching the two of you for a while. Not wanting to let you two realize how he was feeling. He tries to think of an excuse to pull the two of you apart, but he doesn’t know any. So he just says nothing. After a few more tries, you keep succeeding. Carlos doesn’t help you anymore. You are fine on your own now. Or at least, for a beginner. You notice that Lando became a bit quiet. Since Carlos has helped you, Lando became a lot more distant. After a while he went away to get something to drink for the three of you. You turn around to Carlos. “Lando is acting weird,” you tell Carlos, he nods as response. “Did I do anything wrong you think? I warned him yesterday it wasn’t a great plan to let me join today.. Maybe he regrets it?” “Y/N don’t blame yourself, just ask Lando what’s wrong. I think there’s an easy fix..” Carlos explains to you. Before you can ask him what he meant, Lando is back with the drinks. --- After a few hours you are tired. You tell Lando and Carlos to play a bit without you. You are going to wait for them at the bar. You scroll a bit on your phone while waiting on Carlos and Lando. The glass of cola next to you had been empty for a while now. You walk towards the bar again. Asking for a refill. You hear the door opening and closing. A smile forms on your face when you see Lando coming in. You grab your glass of the bar and walk towards him. Hoping he is in a better mood than a hour earlier. Before you could get to Lando you feel someone grab your arm. “Hey pretty girl,” a random guy says while letting go off your arm. You look confused at the man. “Would you like it to join me for a drink?” The man asks you. Before you can politely refuse the offer, you hear Lando next to you. “She’s taken.” You look up surprised. You were taken? What was Lando saying? “You’re a lucky man,” the other guy tells Lando as response before turning away. You can only look surprised. You really don’t get Lando anymore. Was he jealous? You quickly throw that thought away, not wanting yourself to get hopeful. Before you can say something to Lando about his remark, he says something else. He was talking so soft that you don’t hear him. “What did you say?” You ask Lando quickly. “I’m never going to take you to golf again,” Lando speaks louder this time. You look at him. Not even knowing what to say. Did you ruin his day? You feel yourself getting sad. You knew it was a bad idea to join him, but he wanted it himself.. Right? “I’m sorry if I ruined your day,” you tell Lando while walking next to his car. The two of you just waved goodbye to Carlos. You want nothing more than to go home right now. You feel guilty. You shouldn’t have come today. You have ruined a fine day for Lando and Carlos. “What do you mean?” Lando asks. “I feel like I have ruined your day.. You were acting strange on the track while Carlos taught me how to golf. And the remark you made later about never taking me to golf again.. It’s clear that I did annoy you today.” “Fuck. That’s not what I meant babygirl.” You feel small butterflies at the name Lando just gave you. He opens the car door for you and squats in front of you when you are seated. His hands rests on your knees. Giving you the chills. “I ruined it myself,” Lando says, “but I can’t explain to you why.” You don’t know what to say to the boy in front of you. What can you possibly say at something so vague? “Please explain Lan,” you try. But the boy doesn’t give in. He stands up to walk to the other side of the car. Quickly taking place behind the weel and starting the car. The ride is silent and awkward. Normally the two of you have the most fun during car rides. Deep conversations, singing along the songs or just talking about nonsense. But now, you don’t know how to act. Before you know you are almost at your home. You look outside the car window. The sky around you is slowly getting dark. You don’t know a lot at this moment, but you don’t want to end the day like this. You arrive at the apartment complex. You wait patiently for Lando to park the car, but he just stops it in front of the entrance. “I think I will head home,” Lando mutters softly, not daring to look at you. You realize this isn’t normal. Normally he would walk you inside. “What’s the matter Lando?” You ask. There is no reaction coming from the boy next to you. “What did I do to cause such a reaction from you?” You try once again. “It’s not you,” Lando tells you. “Then why are you treating me this way? You have been distant since Carlos taught me how to golf. You can’t explain to me what’s going on, but you still act like I did something wrong. You don’t even walk me inside? You always walk me inside.” You don’t even notice that there are tears running down your cheeks, till Lando wipes one away with his hand. “I’m sorry Y/N.. I wish I could explain it to you, but I think I will only fuck it up more,” Lando tells you. “I don’t think you can make today shittier then it already is,” you respond to him. This time you wipe away your own tears. Lando stays silent. “I’m sorry babygirl.” You realize you aren’t getting an explanation from Lando. You sigh softly. This isn’t going to help. It has no use to keep trying. You open your car door and step out of the vehicle. “Good luck with your triple header Lan. Please text me when you’re ready to give me an explanation,” you tell Lando before closing the car door. You don’t wait on his reaction. With a loud sob you turn away from the car. Lando can think of hundred curse words to tell himself, but he feels like no one is hard enough for him. While trying not to fuck things up, he only fucked it up way worse. He feels a tear running down his cheeks. He doubts about walking after you, but decides not to. He isn’t ready to tell you what’s going on. He doesn’t want to lose you. But the voice in his head tells him he already did.