#how come ive never met with a genuinely nice person

[lateseptemberdawn]

not me "bhaad mein jaaye madarchod"-ing my way out of ""friendships"" that never seemed real.

[forestgreenlesbian]

.

[bonny-kookoo]

Ninnyy :(( you cant leave us hanging

like that all over again. Please be nice to the one who nicknamed you 'ninny' and give us the next part (pt3) of jealous mc (c)Rush.. please *puppy eyes activated so you cant say no :(((*

For the one who named you..ninny. pleaaeeeeee

Only cause it's u.

Warnings for major fluff & mentions of heat (sfw tho)

Series masterlist

"...Did I do something wrong?" You worry suddenly as he sits down in front of you with the scented candle on the table.

"Huh?" He asks, before he realizes how his words must've come across. And considering your current situation, it's only normal that you must feel extra unsure about yourself. "Ah, no no, please don't worry. I didn't mean to make it sound like that." He chuckles, hand reaching out to hold yours. "How long have you been holding that question in, puppy?" He smiles, watching you squirm from just a simple action such as this.

He doesn't know, but growing up and even now, you're just not used to skinship. So to be on the receiving end of it is just strange- especially now, as it's clear that he has romantic intentions with them.

"...for a bit." You say, looking at the hand he's holding, his thumb running over each of your fingers.

"I.. okay." He takes a deep breath before he continues to talk. "You're... the first person I've actually genuinely... started to fall for again." He explains, avoiding eye contact. "I can't explain what it is, even if I tried to." He tells you. "There's.. a lot of things happened in the past that made me think that something like love doesn't actually really exist. That its just.. I dont know. I guess ive been screwed up in the past, so much so that even now, you'll probably ocasionally have to deal with the aftermath of those events.." he attempts to explain, though its clear that he seems to dance around the facts, clearly uncomfortable about remembering them.

"Jungkook.. it's fine if you don't wanna talk about your past." You tell him. "You don't have to. I like the Jungkook that I met, not the Jungkook I didn't." You shrug, and he laughs at that, shaking this head.

"Thats.. that's exactly why I like you so much." The wolf explains as he looks up at you again with sparkling eyes. "This. You're just.. you. And I guess I fell in love with that." He smiles. "With you."

"Jungkook..!" You whine, leaning your head on your arm that's resting on the table to escape his gaze while he laughs at your actions, hand leaving yours to instead pet your ears.

"Does that make you shy?" He teases. "When I say I love you?" He asks you, watching as your tail wags wildly at the mention of love.

You've never been told that you're loved before.

And maybe that's why you start to cry quietly, something he picks up on quickly as your breathing starts to change. The wolf stands up at that, leaning down next to where you're sitting with a hand running over your back. "Hey, don't cry." He tells you softly. "I didn't mean to be mean-"

"You're not." You shake your head, finally lifting it. "I'm just.. You're, kind of, the first to say that. I don't know what to do now.." you confess with a wobbling bottom lip, and he wipes your cheeks before he leans in to kiss you.

"Then I'll say it every day from now on, so you never forget." He offers, and your tail wags yet again.

"N' I'll say it back.. soon, okay?" You worry, and he nods, no disappointment in his face whatsoever.

"Take your time." He simply shrugs, before he picks you up and blows out the candle to carry you to your bed. Much to your surprise however, he doesn't join you- but rather leaves you there, with a kiss to your cheek.

"You're not staying?" You wonder, and he shakes his head.

"You're starting your heat, puppy." He tells you. "I've got sharp senses- some alpha-something-stuff, I don't even know myself really." He waves off. "But either way, I think I should let you think about what I said first before you make any long-term decisions." He tells you, and your tail stills on the bed.

"But.. what if I don't have to think about it?" You complain, looking at him with a pleading gaze. "You already know I love you- or do you just not wanna spend it with me? I mean I know I'm a dog but-"

"Baby, honey calm down first." He laughs, sitting on the edge of your bed. "I don't know who put that idea in your head that you're not enough because of things that were never in your control, but you're more than enough for me." He tells you. "And if you really want to spend it with me, I'd never deny that. I'd be stupid if I did." He smiles, watching as a yawn interrupts your attempt at talking. "Exactly- my puppy is tired now and needs to sleep and think about all that happened today." He reminds you again, leaning in to kiss your cheek. "From the people around her trying to steal her from me because she's just that sweet and pretty.." he teases, kissing the other cheek. "...the date that we just had where I told her I love her a lot.." he reminds, leaning in for your lips, a short peck all he leaves before he smiles impishly.

"...to the fact that she just told me she loves me too, after all."

[ayeeedomino]

Ateez 9th member

Roux and her dates

Ryujin:

Roux and Ryujin were talking via SNS, about their tour plans and countries they will be in the future. The two have been to unofficial dates before, but never a formal one at that. Ryujin sent a a flirt message:

���Why don’t you come have dinner with me and then we talk more? 👀”

“Sure babe😉”

With that settled, at a Friday they met up in front of a famous trendy restaurant in Seoul. As the night went by, they got talking about their time together at JYP, their dreams and goals, and their personal life.

"You know, Jinnie, there's something I've been wanting to share with you. Ive been seeing your performances and I really admire your confidence on stage and how effortlessly you command attention. It's truly captivating, as if you cast a spell on them.”

"Wow, thanks babe. That means a lot coming from you, you’re gonna make me blush. Honestly, I've always been in hypnotized by your stage presence! You really evolved, it’s like a whole different girl from the one I met back then.”

"Thanks darling. It's not always easy, but when I'm up there, it's like I'm in my element. And being able to connect with fans through music, it's a feeling like no other. And the guys been helping me build my confidence. But what have you been up to in your rest days??”

Ryujin gives her little charming chuckle and proceeds saying; "In my rest days? Well, you know I like to rest at home, like binge watching some new tv show, listening to music, and cooking! You know is like a therapy for me!”

As Roux smiles, she throws a shot; “You know, next time you rest you can call me to cuddle, right?”

"Yeah, I will, it sounds nice. You know, you continue being fearless. You're not afraid to be you, and that's a rare quality.“

Roux looks into her eyes and says; "Thank you, but it’s not hard when I’m around you, you are captivating.”

Ryujin smiles and reaches to hold Roux hands; "You know, you mean a lot to me..and also,we could be a very hot pair…”

“I know right?..” as she giggles, they both continue enrolling through the night, wondering about what could be their future together…

Yves:

They don’t really know each other, but one day Roux sent a message complimenting Yves a story she posted. Yves replied complimenting her back and they started talking. A few weeks later Yves decided to invite her to a night out.

They first meet up at a trendy bar known for its lively atmosphere and creative cocktails. As they chat over drinks, they discover shared interests in music, fashion, and travel, sparking a sense of excitement for the night ahead.

After a few drinks, they move to a nearby club where they start dancing, they feel free. As they lose themselves in the music, dancing together with uninhibited joy and passion, their laughter blending seamlessly with the rhythm of the crowd.

As the night passes, they take breaks from dancing to share intimate conversations in quieter corners of the club, getting to know each other on a deeper level amidst the vibrant energy of the night.

"Roux, can I be honest with you for a moment?"

Roux smiles and says; "Of course, unnie. What's on your mind?"

After a deep breath she said; "I just want to say that I've really enjoyed getting to know you. There's something about your presence that's so captivating and genuine. I feel like I can be myself around you."

Roux blushes; "Thank you unnie. I feel the same way about you. It's rare to meet someone at first sight who understands you on such a deep level, you know?"

Yves nods; "Yeah, it is rare. But with you, it feels natural. I admire your strength and your passion for life. You have this inner light that shines so brightly, and it's impossible not to be drawn to it."

"Wow, thanks unnie. That means a lot to me. And you, there's a kindness in your eyes that speaks volumes. It's like you see the beauty in everyone and everything around you."

Yves looks away into the crowd before proceeding; "I try my best. But with you, it's easy. There's something about you that brings out the best in people. I feel like I can open up to you in ways I never thought possible."

Roux looks down to Yves hands, looks up where their eyes meet, and gently takes her hands; "I'm glad you feel that way. Even thought we only met personally today, I feel like I’ve known you for a long time."

As Yves squeezes her hands, she said; "Me too. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I do know that I want you to be a part of it. You've captivated me."

Roux leans very close to Yves, before whispering; "Then let's make the most of every moment we have together. Whatever the future may bring." before pulling her back to the dance floor.

As the early hours of the morning approach, they decide to call it a night, their hearts racing with adrenaline and their faces flushed with excitement. With promises to do it all again soon, Roux and Yves part ways, their spirits lifted by the unforgettable memories they've created together on this exhilarating date.

Giselle:

Giselle and Roux met back in 2020, when their schedules overlapped. Since then they kept talking and going out. Roux just called Giselle and asked her to come over.

They start by watching random tv shows, before watching the movie “Carol”. The movie is pretty intense, and made them cry at the end. As it ended they started discussing their favorite scenes, moments and critics of the movie. That lead to an intimate conversation.

“You know Roux, I really connect with you! We share similar struggles, issues, and moments. I feel you and I match.”

“I feel that way too! I guess we both dealt with bad comments from the media..”

“Yes! Talking about that, how are you dealing with that scandal? I mean, it’s bad enough to have people eyeing your personal life, but something so intimate as sexuality must be shit.”

“I mean, I guess I’m fine? Yeah it’s annoying, but that’s nothing really I can do? Dealing with this industry have so many problems, but also have me the ability to share my music, my passion, something so dear to me…and have so many supporters feels nice, you know?”

“Yeah, I know. Feels nice to not feel alone.”

After a moment of quiet, she said:

“I don’t mean to be weird or make you uncomfortable, but is it true?”

“Yeah, it is.”

“Oh, hope you don’t let anything bad get to your head, because you are a really amazing person, intelligent and gorgeous at that.”

“Oh stop you’ll make me blush.”

“You know, I’ve never really thought of myself being with a girl…I guess I never gave myself the time to really think. All of my life I just thought I had to like men, before I even stop to think what I really like..”

“Oh I know that feeling. I guess you just have to have some introspective moment with yourself, do you see yourself with a woman? With a man? Or both? Do you see yourself settling down with all of them? Or just one of them? Guess you should just really think, and don’t pressure yourself with it! Everyone have their own time!”

“Thanks….though I feel like I wouldn’t mind doing any of that with you…of course, slowly, but if you are open to it, I wouldn’t mind…”

As they cuddle together, they spent the rest of the night talking and just being comfortable with each other.

Yunjin:

This year 2024 Coachella happens to have both Le Sserafim and Ateez performing. What a better excuse to have more time together? First they meet backstage and go out to see other head liners. But at their day off they decided to go to an amusement park.

They arrive early, eager to beat the crowds and make the most of their time. Hand in hand, they start with the roller coasters, laughing and screaming as they race through loops and twists, adrenaline pumping through their veins.

Afterward, they explore the various attractions, from the dizzying heights of the Ferris wheel to the exhilarating drops of the Tower of Terror. With each ride, they bond over shared excitement and occasional nervousness, reassuring each other with comforting words and playful nudges.

As they stroll through the park, they indulge in classic carnival treats like cotton candy and funnel cakes, savoring the sweetness of the moment as they exchange stories and inside jokes.

Feeling adventurous, they challenge each other to games of skill and chance, determined to win each other stuffed animals as souvenirs of their unforgettable day.

As the sun sets and the park lights up with colorful displays, they find themselves on the carousel, riding side by side on majestic horses, feeling like carefree children lost in a whirlwind of joy and wonder.

As the night comes to a close, they share a quiet moment on a bench, watching the fireworks paint the sky with bursts of light and color. With hearts full of happiness and memories to last a lifetime, they share a tender kiss, grateful for the magic of their day at the amusement park.

"I've been thinking a lot lately about life, you know? A few years ago I thought I would just become a lawyer, but now I am here, traveling the world, seeing so many different cultures, exploring the world.”

“I get it, seeing all of this make you feel so accomplished."

“You know, whenever I’m with you, it’s like the world stops, the sounds fades, it’s just you and me.”

“That's exactly how I feel too. You just always manage to make so comfortable, so nice."

"And I love that. I love how we can just be ourselves with each other, no pretenses, no expectations."

"Me too. It's like we have this special connection that's just ours, you know?"

"Yeah, I do. And I never want to take it for granted.."

“I'm truly grateful for tonight. It was a cool way to rewind."

“You’re right.” With that they share an embrace watching the sun go down.

[fappellmoan]

hi everyone this feels wildly self centered and silly but i made a guide to my dyke drama/lore that i talk about in barely coded but convoluted terms. i love internet safety. doing this at the request of exactly one person and for the rest of u it's under the cut if youre curious and feel so inclined hashtag close friends <3 i highlighted my previous ways of referring to these people and important notes bc otherwise i just rambled soooo bad <3 and as much as im maybe romanticizing in some ways here i do genuinely care for and love (most of) these people outside of my weirdofreak brain and try my best to do well by them in our relationships. and maybe i just wanted to write beautiful things about my friends whatever

lydia: they're on here we met on here and now we're roommates. we met bc we were two of the only bitches posting in the muna tag and she was brave enough to reply to my one naomi video. and i was like um ok... FREAK.. and then yk we were mutuals but i was always paranoid they'd somehow know film girl or my roommates (or just. other ppl) bc i was being insane so that was awk but then i had a mental breakdown a little bit one night on here about my childhood and decorating for holidays and they offered to meet on campus and give me some leaves for my window and i was like aww (and we used them this year to decorate our shared apartment :')) and i remember i was wearing my black and white sweatshirt that i wore to go see dan live that ive since given away i think but it feels like. a sign u know.. or whatever.. and we do have mutual friends in weird circles including one that connects to steve (see later notes) so it's like chances are we couldve met in person but this just made it really special. we beef bad. but with sooo much love. and i do think we're better for knowing each other or whatever...

film girl: this was bad. i have a tag dedicated to anything i remembered to tag as part of the saga but it was so bad and beyond anything words can say... i'd give her another name but she could never be anything but film girl. it's like if u were there u know. if u weren't... let's just say i was crazy insane mentally ill bonkers jeff buckley lover you shouldve come over i know it's over. maroon 5 even about it. bad. but consider she leaned into me like she did her bf for their first kiss, said our night together when we went to our friend's party where she had dressed up as jennifer check (i showed her the movie it was a whole thing) and danced with me and talked right against my neck and grabbed onto me while walking and said she was maybe bi and i deserved someone really nice and im so swaggy etc and then going back to her place and making me food and watching himym on the floor (oct. 21st u will go down in herstory...) made her the 'happiest person in the world,' stayed over at my apartment until the following morning more than once, unwrapped her bruised hand and held it out to me to see/touch (absolute freaks moment like kill me actually. and that was the day i perioded myself. to use pj of bottoms' terms.) was just generally engaging in psychosexual warfare with me all the time. and we didn't even fuck. or kiss. and she had a boyfriend. who looked like a girlfriend (not that i personally had in february of last year but regardless..) i mean come on she was a straight woman she wasnt even allowed to say slay.. i genuinely still think we need to kill each other but it doesn't matter. how is she still linked to my life? well. we had a class this semester with steve and stede and lydia and scully (prof im in love with. this name is hilar), sort of friends with cool artsy queer girl group (hometown friends, one her best friend i almost met up with at muna concert (with her) one who looks a bit like jackie kennedy. ok not really but that's the one my one friend josh (woman) made out with last semester), had a class with steve and sam last semester with dave, our shared prof that steve told details of our first date and etc to.

steve: this is gonna be ex situationship from beginning of this semester - mid october. gets this name bc they're obsessed w that pirate show so like stede but i simply wont name them that and at this point im annoyed enough w their taste in things that steve feels fitting. anyway. was genuinely very kind and sweet but also got clingy soo fast and we were on very different pages. we'd met last fall (when they had a gf) and worked together on sets and in a couple classes, they kind of got caught up in my triangulation of desire for jane at her birthday party.. and i had fun flirting! um and they were genuinely again very very considerate and sweet but like. seemed to struggle to have a personality outside of their ex and maybe their siblings a bit. idk. just very passive. sowwy. also they were not a very good kisser. i do remember back in may being vindicated bc they also commented on film girl and bf

jane: naming her jane in a gay way. a jane austen way. in that i think we should write lifelong love letters to each other. holy shit shut up. so this is always 'friend im in love with' or 'a little in love with' or whatever. she is also girl with cool short hair and piercings and tattoos and a bookbag with tits on it so god forbid my infatuation. and i just love her voice and i think she's brilliant and so good at what she does and all around just like an awesome person she inspires me to be better and whatever. and she always dresses so cool and used to host house shows (i still never made it to one) (film girl did once) and when we first started talking we were at a film event and were supposed to be networking or whatever but instead we stood by the drinks together and talked abt how we both wanted to be friends in our writing class but never said it and thought the other hated each other a little bit but we were both just awkward and so we'd always make eye contact and laugh and banter together in class and i rlly was just in love with her. and this summer was crazyyy we were on steve's set together and i was a little freak just so obviously enamored with her but the thing is she was obnoxious too so i didnt even feel like a loser. she asked me to massage her arms once and said my half assed attempt was lame and we leg wrestled (also w steve. kinda funny. like yeah u would) and exchanged drunk stories and she said i needed better ones and then i beat her at stack cup at her bday and gave her her card and she hugged me and her lips were wet from the beer she just drank from and right on my arm and i was like wow. her kingdom (surrounded by people who she loved and loved her) for a kiss upon my shoulder. if u will. and i had to have a middle school Look Away moment bc she stripped in front of a few of us that night and i was far too intoxicated to not like lose my mind. also she was supposed to give me a book on set once but never did and im still bummed. and one random night she texted asking if id found a place to live and when i answered she never followed up and i still wonder what that was abt. if anything. um but she does have a boyfriend of like 5 or 6 years. from high school. the worst part is hes a semi cool dude but it's just like really. let her fuck a woman! just once even! jk they are both genuinely cool people first and i think it's great they found each other in this life. but also like fuck off ugh. yk. not to romanticize my life and friendships i just think in another life we were soulmates or maybe in a way we are now. but we also only knew each other for a brief time so maybe something else. we could've done backstreets

sam: friend i just mentioned recently who has a crazy name we shant get into it. i do have a different actual friend named sam but i havent seen her in forever. so i met them working on steve's senior film set and thought they were cool and they were one of the only ones to make it out to our post-wrap dinner/drinks and then we had two classes together this semester. and so we became sort of allies we'd meet up to go to the museum together and send each other the attendance and i went to see fnaf when he rented out a theater for a huge group lol and he helped on my film which meant a lot even if it was only for a bit cause of you know. the everything that was going on. with steve and etc. it wasnt easy to get there so like bless their heart. they also came up with the name for my film and we had that moment around the fire and well i do hope i'll continue to see them just as a friend even, and they're genuinely just the coolest they do a lot of drag and character/costume design and are genuinely just one of the funniest most down to earth ppl i know and they always have the coolest fucking outfits and hats and shit and omg they looked so good in their doc. just something abt the posture and the whimsy and the earnestness and look overall. woah. um when we were on steve's set my friend jackie leaned over and said 'i thought they were film girl for a second' so basically i need to redacted. but it's not like that bad of a resemblance. once again has a partner cause im cursed forever to sleep on a twin size mattress maybe or whatever. i havent even listened to that song more than like once but maybe it is real for me. anyway they were also in the class with steve and film girl with dave.

stede: im sorry this is so funny to me bc this person and steve go by the same name irl but spelled differently or whatever. we met and had a very energetic chat in the hallway at the beginning of this semester jim thought we knew each other lol. they're real cute and endearing and like i said kind of give butch. and we had two classes together but i had so much shit going on man i just. yeah. seemed like they were maybe a little into me but whatever. and well i think we should have a fling but who said that

jim: my buddy prof he's my buddy :-) he helped me so much sophomore spring as i was trying rlly hard to produce our class films and insane already over film girl (he didnt know that but it was omnipresent) and so close to dropping out and is just the coolest guy. he's a little bit like a father figure what who said that. i remind him of his youngest daughter a lot and ive lived in the same buildings as his older one. so just funny connections. i go to his office hours and such a lot with the film friends

grace: one of my film friends. (i just realized i do know a girl in film named grace but it's not her so anyway.) i am in awe of the way she commits to stuff and motivates people around her. she is just so game for anything to make the best of a situation. shes studying abroad this semester so ive only seen her on video chats/texted and missed the one day she came back for her bf's bday. well and she was the friend who said 'no he can keep himself busy' when we went to go see x together so she didnt make me hang out w her not even lame bf at first which was so nice. cause then i eventually actually did want to meet him. and theyre the least annoying couple ive ever met. and shes bi <3

jackie: another film friend. also love her dearly another stoner so we'd smoke together before class sometimes and just went on a walk with our other friend one night around the woods and stuff that was fun. i usually refer to grace and jackie collectively as 'the film friends.' we met in that spring of sophomore year (same class as film girl and jim). this one did have steve produce her senior film after they said they wouldn't work on mine bc of the ""situation"" i was a little sour that was an awkward um situation but it's whatever. i sometimes say film friends and mean a larger group of these ppl/a few extended but whatever

frank: ive just called him frank hes frank hes the coolest dude in the world i think everyone would be obsessed with him and i just think like man hes lived such a life. he's my short cool professor whos just so good at what he does. he's met so many people and done so many things. his van is so him he has a suction cup to pull his windows up in the winter and random albums in the front seat. im gonna try to work w him next semester. i was in that van last night feeling like i was in a gta level to go pick up pizza for our final class.

scully: my film comedy and tv analysis professor she is so everything to me... she loves women and evil women and gay people and camp and horror and comedy and tv and sex and just weirdo freak shit and shes so intelligent and quick on her feet and charming and just. an amazing lecturer. she said be gay do violence once. i felt seen. she said she used to pull her friends (favorite characters) out of the tv and carry them around in her pocket and i knew she understood... she saw bottoms and emailed me and lydia right away. and she's seen willow. and ofc so many other things. and she'll go 'this seems like the type of person/film/etc that you would be inspired by..' OK QUEEN I LOVE U. i want to do cocaine with her. huh. im taking gender and film with her next semester :333 im so excited

claire: friend from high school friend group who ended up ditching me and our other friend a lot that one summer and we almost lived together and we're just always kinda weird around each other but we were some of the only ppl the other hung out with fall semester 2020 so like.

drake and josh: i almost always refer to them together they're codependent a little bit roommates and i love them dearly and i met them thru claire sophomore year but ive hung out with them alone and stayed at their place when i got too drunk and that night i fell down the stairs. me and drake act a little homoerotic sometimes for fun. i cried at dinner over film girl once to her it was embarrassing. i miss going hammocking with them <3

dave: i had him last fall he's really cool he got me on a shoot w the mayor (and steve and jane) and was so cool about me not ocming to class a lot bc i kept in touch w him and hes my homie. film girl had a class w him then too and then last semester was the like news class that crew had together. and steve told dave all abt our first date and etc and got date ideas from him and i was like oh wow... ok lol

couch: couch roommate. theyre not relevant in my life enough to make a name but the couch story was stupid as hell and this one also left ground beef in the sink that one time and had a thing for a rugby girl that steve had a little fling with

jean: if i say 'one of my masc gfs' i probably mean them. sort of friends with couch like she was in my apartment once last year but um. yeah. had a crush on them for like a month at one point and we follow each other on insta and talked when we saw each other on campus the first time and thats like it. chances r ill forget abt this fake name and still just throw that in if i ever see her

[crowfootwrites]

Devotion & Diplomacy - Part V

BUCKLE UP, Y'ALL. I have basically been having a nervous breakdown and bothering my partner nonstop about proofing this chapter for me, because I'm so excited to share it with y'all, and the holidays really slowed my roll.

Without further ado, Emrys returns to Cardassia to go toe-to-toe with the Gul-Tar and gets an unexpected surprise!

Tagging, of course, @deepspacedukat, @horta-in-charge, @sleepycat82, @starrynightgardens, and @vreenak 💕

Part I | Part II | Part III | Part IV | Read on AO3

Warnings: some briefly mentioned xenophobia; ya'll this chapter is so fucking fluffy | Words: ~2,855

Several Cardassians that Emrys had come to recognize as various heads of state were already gathered around the long, angular conference table when she arrived. They stood gathered in small clusters of dully colored armor, whispering fervently as Emrys strode in, trying to appear calm and confident. She felt the presence of Romar and Varsek behind her, which helped a bit – strength in numbers and all that – but dread settled in her stomach nonetheless, knowing that today’s session would most likely not go well.

Her commanding officers had been downright rigid in their demands of the Cardassians and had given Emrys little room to bargain. She knew that Ziven might find some of this to be actually offensive. 

Emrys stood behind her usual seat, waiting for more of her team to arrive. As she glanced past Romar toward the door, a familiar face appeared, and he spotted her just as quickly. The surprise on his face did not dissipate as he strode toward Emrys.

“Lieutenant Commander Beck,” he ventured, extending his hand toward Emrys, “it’s a pleasure to see you again.”

“Gul Macet,” Emrys replied calmly, trying to mask her rapidly increasing heart rate – perhaps, wherever Gul Macet is, Glinn Daro should also be… “The pleasure is mine,” she finished with a genuine smile.

“Will you be joining us for this session?” she asked, allowing her curiosity to get the better of her. Macet had never attended any of the previous sessions, and she wasn’t sure of his standing within the Cardassian Union. She bit her tongue to ensure she didn’t ask the questions she really wanted to ask. 

“Ah, not for its entirety, thankfully,” he said with a chuckle. “I have been asked to report on our confrontation with the USS Phoenix before this gathering, as the Gul-Tar feels that it may serve as strong evidence that not all of the Federation is interested in building peace with Cardassia.”

Emrys’ smile dropped, but she quickly recovered, schooling her features into a mask of impassivity, despite the anxiety and irritation raging in her chest, wreaking havoc on her empty stomach as bile burned in her gut. The calming warmth of a hand rested on her shoulder and Emrys felt Romar behind her, an ever-present shadow accustomed to steadying her during these sorts of surprises. She took a slow breath, resigning herself to whatever might come, but it seemed that Macet had seen right through her. He took a step closer and, despite Romar tightening his grasp just slightly on Emry’s shoulder, she didn’t back away.

He met her gaze with a slight smirk tugging at his lips, “Don’t worry, my dear. Your Captain Picard and I had a nice chat about Maxwell and how this… incident might impact our attempts at peace. Despite my own personal feelings about Starfleet botching the issue, I am capable of seeing the bigger picture. I will provide the facts as delicately as possible.” Emrys inclined her head slightly in acknowledgement, still working to wrap her mind around what he just said and what he could possibly be getting out of it himself. 

As Macet turned away to take his seat near Ziven, he glanced pointedly at Romar’s hand on Emrys’ shoulder before meeting her gaze once again. “Oh, by the way. A certain Glinn of mine has asked after you. I’ll be sure to tell him you’re well.” He sauntered off toward Ziven and an expanding group of Cardassian military leaders as all the breath expelled from Emrys’ lungs.

Her mind whirled with all the new information she needed to process, but the thought of Daro asking about her slowed her thoughts like molasses. Romar, perhaps sensing her distraction, removed his hand and guided her by her sleeve to sit beside him.

“Are you all right, Commander?” The deep greens and browns of Romar’s traditional Vulcan robes swam before Emrys’ unfocused eyes before she managed to snap herself out of her reverie.

“I- yes, I’m fine. I apologize, my mind was elsewhere for a moment,” she muttered.

Romar inclined his head, his eyes not leaving Emrys as she turned to face the remainder of the table. 

Only a few moments later, Gul-Tar Ziven rose from his seat. The legs of his chair screeched against the marble flooring, an awful noise that echoed in the chamber, forcing a silence over the room.

“It is my sincere hope that this recess has been restful for all of us, and that we may continue building peace between the Federation and the Cardassian Union with clear and refreshed minds,” he declared. Emrys rolled her shoulders back, shifting back into the necessary headspace for this job.

“Before we return to the points of negotiation introduced during our last session, I feel it important to mention that during our break, the Cardassian Union witnessed the loss of 750 citizens at the hands of the Federation-”

Varsek, seated beside her, rose angrily from his chair, protestations forming on his tongue.

Emrys’ hand shot out to grip his white forearm without leaving her seat. “Sit down,” she ordered, as Varsek turned to stare at her.

After a moment, he yanked his arm from her grasp and sat, grumbling to himself.

Ziven seemed almost amused by this display, continuing on as though nothing had happened. “A Starfleet ship was responsible for unprovoked attacks on two Cardassian vessels, in addition to the destruction of an unarmed science station in the Cuellar system.”

He paused, and Emrys replied from her seat, her palms resting flat on the table before her. A smug grin stretched across his face as he waited for her to say or do something. Perhaps to react like Varsek.

“Excuse me for interrupting, Gul-Tar,” she uttered, keeping her tone even and polite. “I believe that you have invited Gul Macet here today to attest to the events that occurred in the Cuellar and Kelrabi systems. As I was also present with Gul Macet on the Enterprise-” Ziven looked surprised by this information, but held steady “-I would appreciate the opportunity to add my own reporting as well.”

Ziven studied her intently across the table for a moment before clasping his hands behind his back and giving a sharp nod.

“Very well.”

Gul Macet stood and began speaking, detailing the events of the Phoenix incident. To his credit, and Emrys’ unconcealed amazement, he was concise and factual. He stressed the level of involvement that he and his crew had been allowed aboard the Enterprise. He did not seem to be laying blame at the feet of the entire Federation; he emphasized Maxwell’s involvement and even mentioned Picard’s own condemnation of Maxwell’s actions. 

When he had finished speaking, he nodded politely at Emrys, but there was something more earnest in his dark eyes, as though he was attempting to show her that he meant what he’d said. He lowered himself back into his chair and Emrys rose in turn.

“Thank you for sharing your experience, Gul Macet. I would only like to add that I am very appreciative of your perspective; it seems that you too understand that ascribing the actions of one, unwell Federation citizen to the entirety of the Federation is both misguided and detrimental to our ongoing treaty efforts.” She gazed meaningfully at the people around her, deliberately making eye contact with Federation citizens and members of the Cardassian Union alike. 

“As is evidenced by this particular group of people who have dedicated and sacrificed nearly a year of their lives to forge peace with this Union, I can say with certainty that Maxwell’s conduct is not an accurate reflection of the Federation as a whole.” Emrys took a deep breath, knowing that the next part might not be pleasant. “Additionally, these thinly veiled attempts to breed divisiveness and derail negotiations undermine the work we’ve completed so far - while there is obviously significant discord about particular negotiation points on both sides, the fact remains that our ultimate objective is peace. Let us not forget that we are here to work as a team, to ensure that the violence and destruction of the last 20 years does not continue.”

As she’d spoken, Emrys had noted the uncomfortable shifting of some of the Cardassian leaders; it read almost like guilt, although so far, she’d found that to be a distinctly un-Cardassian emotion. As she resumed her seat, folding her hands slowly in her lap, her gaze met Ziven’s, only to find him glaring at her. Even from the far end of the table, she could see the pulsing of his jaw as he ground his teeth. Perhaps he’d disliked her implication that he was intentionally sowing discord. Emrys attempted to put it from her mind - she’d spoken the truth, and Ziven was in for a great deal of that today.   

— — —

Emrys stepped through the main doors of the Central Command building and into the sweltering heat of Imperial Plaza. Although Cardassia wasn’t her favorite of the planets she’d visited, she appreciated the scrubby landscape, and the way both sun and moon light glinted off the tips of the sharp, talon-like spires adorning most of the major architecture. It was especially serene at night, and the gentle drone of whatever insects thrived here reminded her of her own home back on Earth.

Sweat prickled almost immediately beneath the collar of Emrys’ uniform and she rummaged in her bag to find a hair clip. As she glanced up, she spotted a familiar face exiting the War Room building across the plaza and laughed to herself, barely noticing the way her heartbeat sped up.

“Glinn Daro!” she called across the mostly empty square shielding her eyes from the sun with her hand.

She grinned as he looked up, tracking her voice, a smile of his own stretching across his lips as he spotted her. He changed directions immediately, making his way toward her. As he arrived before her, Emrys hugged him fiercely, glad to see a friendly face after the day she’d had. 

“You’re here,” he breathed in amazement, his eyes studying her intently.

Emrys pulled back and smiled up at him, nodding. “It’s good to see you, Daro.”

He nodded his agreement, his hands settling hesitantly on her shoulder blades.

“Are you here for leave?” she asked. "Gul Macet was at the negotiations this morning."

He nodded again. “The Trager is undergoing some extensive repairs, and Gul Macet’s presence had been requested by both the Gul-Tar and at a meeting of the Detapa Council,” he paused, glancing around him cautiously. “With the exarch,” he murmured.

Emrys quirked an eyebrow. “With Pa’Dar?” she whispered, slightly taken aback, her mind already trying to formulate an explanation for the meeting.

Daro nodded again, but his expression conveyed that he had no other information.

She shrugged, quickly becoming unconcerned with Macet’s affairs while Daro stood before her. “Whatever the reason, I’m so very glad to see you.” 

"And I, you. Perhaps," Daro began gently, his eyes searching Emrys' for any hint of hesitance, "you would like to join me for dinner this evening in my home? It has been a long while since I've been back on Cardassia and I would enjoy spending time with you."

Emrys didn't attempt to hide the delight that stretched across her face. Her heart fluttered behind her ribcage as she nodded, suddenly feeling uncharacteristically shy.

"I'd love nothing more," she murmured, smoothing her hand down Daro's forearm to link their hands together.

Daro squeezed her hand and began to lead her out of the plaza and further into the capital city. Given the tensions that still remained between Cardassians and members of the Federation, Emrys hadn't ventured far from Imperial Plaza in any of her stays on the planet. She was glad for Daro's presence - even with him by her side, she caught the harsh glares and mutters of disapproval being sent her way as they made their way down a wide boulevard that headed towards the outskirts of the city. Daro seemed to notice them too, and warmth swelled in Emrys' chest as he pulled her closer against his side and shot withering looks at Cardassians who dared to make their disapproval known. It had been a very long time since Emrys felt the touch of someone else's protectiveness.

Emrys found herself pleasantly surprised as Daro led her towards a well-kept, low-slung apartment building that stretched the length of the block. Like much of the outer city’s landscape, the building’s unassuming sand-colored exterior was dotted with large glass windows, the late afternoon sunlight winking on their surface as Emrys and Daro passed. It was a pleasant distinction from the more overwhelming and intimidating architecture near the capitol buildings, Emrys thought, as Daro guided her up a set of stairs. At the top, he punched a code into the keypad beside a heavy metal door, which hissed open quickly. 

Emrys followed him in and gazed wide-eyed at his home – a small living area with an even smaller kitchen attached, and two doors, one open, one closed, leading off the main room. For a moment, Emrys forgot she was even in the capitol, the room around her hearkened so much to the Ithian Forest outside the city walls. Lush plants of every shade, some that Emrys didn’t even recognize, sat on most available surfaces, pops of color vibrant against the tawny walls. There were family pictures and paintings hung on the walls, and a large, overstuffed couch in the center of it all. A desk with a large, attached viewscreen and a precarious stack of PADDs huddled in the corner, Daro’s helmet hanging off the back of its chair.

As Emrys’ gaze returned to Daro’s, she found him looking at her curiously, and smiled. “Your home is lovely,” she assured him. She released his hand to take a step closer to a peculiar-looking plant with turquoise pods all over it.

“I thank you,” Daro replied softly. “Although I cannot take much of the credit. My younger brother also resides here,” Emrys glanced back at him with a raised eyebrow, “but he is currently off-planet,” he finished hastily, his hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Most of the belongings you see here are his. He resides here permanently, while I am only able to return when my orders allow.” Daro fiddled nervously with the fleshy leaves of a deep purple succulent as he watched Emrys explore his home. “I don’t think I mentioned it before. He teaches ethnobotany at Central University,” he added, explaining the preponderance of plants adorning his apartment. 

“That’s fascinating! Is he very much like you?” Emrys asked, making her way back to stand in front of Daro again. 

“I find him to be,” he replied with a small shrug. “He can be a bit more methodical, shall we say, but I suppose that’s the scientist in him.” 

Emrys rubbed her chin thoughtfully, gazing past her companion. “As a younger sibling myself, I find myself wanting to ask – were you a kind older brother?” she teased.

Daro laughed, and Emrys delighted in the way his face changed as he did so, his eyes gleaming and a light dusting of blue appearing on his chufa. “I like to believe that I was. But I would imagine that my brother might disagree. We were very… rambunctious as children.”

Emrys grinned. “I can believe that.” She glanced around her again. “Either way, it feels very comfortable here.”

“I’m glad you like it. Are you hungry?”

“Quite,” Emrys admitted. “I skipped out on lunch to finalize some points of debate about the Demilitarized Zone.” 

Daro’s eyebrow ridges lowered as he studied her critically. “You need to take care of yourself, Emrys. I know that the formation of this treaty is important - but so is your health.”

Emrys studied her shoes, suddenly unable to meet his eyes.  She was unused to anyone caring what she did or didn’t do, especially in respect to herself. “I’m just a pawn in all of this. If something happened to me, there would be a list of people they could go down to replace me in these negotiations. I’m not really that important in the grand scheme of things,” she said sheepishly.

The feel of Daro’s palm cupping her cheek brought her gaze back to his. He shook his head softly. “It isn’t just about the negotiations. You are valuable in your work, certainly, but you are so much more than that. Your very existence is important to others, I assure you.”

Losing herself in Daro’s dark eyes, her lips were forming words before she’d even thought about what she was saying. “And… does that include you?”

“Yes,” Daro offered tentatively, his expression focused and unwavering. “That includes me.”

Emrys’ struggled to pull in her next few breaths, the fervor building between them making her feel practically combustible. She knew she couldn’t find the words – she could hardly remember how to breathe under Daro’s heated stare – and she hoped that the Human idiom “actions speak louder than words” would hold true as she stepped up on to her toes and pressed her lips to his.

[violentviolette]

My bad if you've already answered this, but how do you go about not masking around those you consider/want to be truly important people? Like, it seems in my head difficult to go from "polite friendly person who is clearly mentally average and a nice chap" to "Hi names JoeBob, actually I literally cannot properly care about anyone you care about to the extent I know you want, and honestly can't quite care about you to that extent either, wanna be homies? Oh also I've faked like 90 percent of any emotion of showed you, have fun reassessing everything," ya dig?

generally speaking, i dont mask socially in environments where i might make friends in order to just avoid this issue entirely. so like, i mask at work and at family functions, but if i go to hangout with new people or to an event and the intention is to make actual friends, i just dont mask from the start. i feel that helps mitigate a lot of annoyance and also helps to quickly identify people who i know will understand and respect my limitations but if ur in a situation where u met someone while masking but now want to get closer to them and unmask, then its easiest to do it gradually and just be very upfront but not rude. like i think a lot of people underestimate how much word choice can help make a situation less awkward. cause like saying "i cant and will never care about u but lets be friends" is obviously never going to go over well and isnt even very true or accurate in the first place. but phrasing it not so hostile or aggressively is a lot more reasonable, something like "im not a very emotional or emotive person by nature, but people dont really react kindly to that so i tend to overperform emotions when i first meet someone. but once im more comfortable with ppl i tend to mellow out and show way less. it doesnt mean i suddenly hate u, im just getting more comfortable and being more true to my actual self" or stuff like "i dont really have the capacity to care deeply about people i dont know, and even ones i do know and care about, my feelings never reach as deep a place as other peoples. that doesnt mean i dont respect and like u or that i'll suddenly start treating u poorly. its just that my care is going to look very differently from a nuerotypical person"

its really just dozens and dozens of small conversations about urself where u dont lie about it. its an ongoing conversation. usually these kinda come up naturally when ur getting closer to people and learning more about eachother. but u can also sit someone down and have a more formal conversation. like "hey so ive got some stuff going on with my brain, heres how it works and what i am and am not capable of. i like to be upfront about it with people i wanna get closer to so there arent misunderstandings or hurt feelings when i dont react or respond the way ppl expect. i think ur really cool/fun/ect. and i wanna get closer and become better friends so i wanted to have this conversation so we could understand eachother better and i can be more authentic with u going forward"

the biggest thing imo is to frame it from a positive place because it is a positive thing. u respect and like this person, theyre important to u and u want to be genuine with them so that u can get closer in a real and healthy way. but u also need to be true to urself and ur own limitations in order to do that. and so coming at the conversations from that place usually helps a lot. and if the other person is chill and a geuine friend, usually they understand and they work with u. they respect where ur boundaries are and understand what u cant give, while appreciating and enjoying what u can together.

[mroddmod]

HEY i'm here to do that stupid sappy thing where i make a new years post and thank everyone for the great year.

i already said this on twt but i can genuinely say that i have never had this much fun in a fandom before. i've never CLICKED with a fandom and its participants in the way that i've clicked with the stranger things fandom. i've made more finished art than i have for any other franchise, i think. i've never gotten to connect with people and make friends in a fandom like i have with the stranger things fandom. THE FRIENDS IVE MADE ARE SOME OF THE BEST IVE HAD IN LIKE. EVER. you guys are seriously so awesome. NOT TO MENTION ALL THE INCREDIBLE PEOPLE THAT I ALWAYS SEE IN MY REBLOG TAGS AND REPLIES. i've had the privilege to get to meet, know, and interact, with some of the nicest and most talented people ever. it's been such a good year BECAUSE of the connections i've made. SOOOOO i'm gonna list off some of my favorite people and say a little something and TRY to keep it short. OBVIOUSLY THIS IS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER

@astrobei : yeah, obviously you're in here, idiot. you wormed your way into my life way too quickly and WAYYYY too easily but i wouldn't change it (probably. just kidding. or Am I.....). i was a MEGA fan of your writing LOOOONG before i ever even spoke to you, so it's kind of a trip that i talk to you every day now. if you told mod from september that he'd be this tight w suni astrobi he absolutely would not believe you. anyway thank you for making me laugh so much and talking to me all the time even though you should probably be doing better things. keep being you. k love u (maybe) bye

@msquared1414 : MAGS. MY DEAR MAGS. I LOVE YOU SO DEARLY. you are a beacon of light in a fucked up and annoying world. i know i can always count on you for support and a good laugh. im so glad i got to know you over the time that we've been talking. i promise i have more special wips to send u soon. I MISS YOU ALL THE TIME BFF

@cherbearsz : CHER 😭😭😭 do you realize that you're actually one of the funniest people on the planet. did you Know. actually i take it back, you're the funniest. i could be having a shit day and suddenly cher gets in the chat and stirs up chaos and i am feeling like :) again. ty for being you, bro 🤝

@livsmessydoodles : we've known each other for a long time but i feel like i didn't really GET to know you until this year. but i'm so glad i did!! you are such a lively and positive energy that i love to see on my dash, in my notifs, in our group chats, anywhere. you are TRULY a unifying and joyful force. keep up your good energy, so many good things will come to you in life.

@halosketches : sorry but who gave you the right to be this cool. like i wanna know. YOU'RE ACTUALLY THE COOLEST PERSON IVE MET.... i know this is like a cringe thing to say but your vibes are Unmatched. i know i can always trust your takes because your taste in media is the Highest of quality. you're also way too nice. you're insane.

@wynsvre : sarah :((( my bro. my guy. you are an INSPIRATION to me and you always will be in so many ways. you are so real and honest and i value that in you so much. honestly you're just such a rad person. i aspire to be more like u.

@janceezer : KITE!!!!! i actually cannot believe how sappy and sweet you are it's CRAZY that you're just that way. YOURE JUST THAT GOOD. it pleasantly surprises me all the time. you are so down to earth and you care about people with everything you have, and i feel SO lucky to be one of those people. KEEP BEING YOU!!!

@tryingonametaphor : AH BHAVNA you have been an absolute pleasure to get to know this year. i was ALSO a huge fan of yours before i got to know you personally, but i was BLOWN away by how kind you are 😭 you are just so understanding and patient and RIDICULOUSLY creative. you're so cool, it's crazy.

@spacedru1d : MY BFF!!!!! my matching bff. you've been such a good friend and a delight to interact with. you're naturally such a good person without even trying. IVE MISSED YOU SO MUCH DURING YOUR TIME IN UNI but i'm proud of you for getting your shit done and finally getting the gf of ur dreams. I WISH YOU NOTHING BUT THE BEST BFF!!!

okay now that i've gotten all my Real Actual IRL Bestest Friends in the Entire World out of the way....

some other people that i've loved interacting with/seeing in my notifs/seeing on my dash:

@bujomoss, @http-byler, @smoosnoom, @bookinit02, @nnilkyway, @elekinetic, @wiseatom, @andiwriteordie, @paladibun, @noodles-and-tea, @aemiron-main, @caesarexile, and many more im CERTAIN i'm forgetting.

anyway. thanks for an incredible year. HERES TO 2023!!!

[whenwillderekhalebehappy]

so i just started playing fallout 4 ,,, here are my preliminary opinions

- lame storyline, i don't want to be married heterosexual. idc abt this fuckass baby either.

- fr tho, it feels like the devs just chose the most generic backstory they could think of so they could get that part out of the way. it's not interesting or good. moreover, if that actually happened to a person, they'd be traumatized and terrified, not running around looking for guns and stimpaks. like, it feels like my character doesn't even give that much of a shit that this happened. like ooh the world ended, my wife was murdered, my infant child was kidnapped, it is 200 years in the future, but yeah no i don't have any questions, ill just roll with it. LAZY WRITING!

- also: how does the survivor know that his baby is still alive. the story has him frozen, unfrozen to witness murder and kidnapping, frozen again and then unfrozen to start the game. how am i supposed to know when that kidnapping happened? like yeah it could've been recent but it could also have been 100 years ago.

- upon exiting the vault you immediately start like 11 quests. why?? for what reason?? i just got here??

- do not love that feral ghouls will just lay on the ground waiting for you to get close enough so they can attack you. 1. its annoying, you get ambushed every time. 2. why would they be doing that, are they sleeping? waiting? doesnt make sense for them to be doing either of those things. they're feral, they wander around attacking whatever comes near them, they don't lie down and wait for prey, thats just ,,, not how they work?

- i especially dont like that the ghouls also dont show up as hostile on the little navigation bar until they get up. the whole point of that is so i know if there's hostiles in the area. if all the hostiles just sneak up on you, there's no reason to look at it.

- the fact that you can just max out your SPECIAL stats kinda defeats the purpose of those stats. the point is that it allows you to pick strengths and weaknesses for your character, instead of it being skills you can learn. it adds difficulty and personalization.

- i genuinely don't like the "improved" graphics. maybe its because my pc is shitty and i have to run low quality, but i cant see shit. especially all the harsh shadows make it really hard to gauge depth and to see things on the ground (like feral ghouls waiting to attack you).

- why is VATS under Q. thats dumb

- follow up: why are we now using the enter key and arrow keys in addition to wasd. let me keep my hand on the mouse instead of constantly having to switch (update: after 10 hours in-game i found out you can also press E, still stupid)

- why cant i just go up to people and ask them shit. why do i have to wait until they want to talk to me.

- i do like the whole settlement building thing. ive been having more fun with that than anything else tbh

- it is nice that you can make radaway and you dont have to rely on scavenging or bartering for it

- they are harsh on the raiders. like i get that they're enemies but labelling them 'raider scum' is a bit much. like thats still a person.

- in the intro thing they say war never changes at least 3 times. i get it. dont overdo it.

- also in the intro, they just say the US ended ww2 by dropping the bombs on hiroshima and nagasaki which is a VERY BOLD statement about history.

- i've barely encountered anyone who's nice. ive met preston and his friends but beyond that its basically been nothing but raiders. where are the friendly npc's? it makes the whole world feel hostile and empty

- the variety of weapons and mods is ,, actually a little too much. i don't know the difference between a pistol and a revolver, let alone what a receiver is. the game kind of expects you to just , understand what all these things mean and how to best modify your weapons. I don't. i barely know what i'm supposed to be looking at. "um yeah i definitely prefer the hardened enhanced glowsighted tempered auto pipe revolver pistol over the hardboiled standardized incendiary double barreled shotgun rifle" <- statement dreamed up by the utterly deranged

- recently encountered super mutants, why do they yell at you that they are super mutants. i know that. i mean, the character technically doesn't since no one's bothered to explain all the new creatures to him, but still.

anywho, ive only been playing for a week or so, so there might be more redeeming qualities later on. but so far im not very impressed

[sanriopropaganda]

vent under the cut

ive had two best friends in my life, one from elementary to high school who moved away when we were 14 and we grew apart, and the other i met in my freshman year of college who dropped me for a romantic partner. i haven’t been able to find anyone since.

i have close friends, i even have people i might consider some of my best friends, but those people have their own best friend, and it’s not me. im not apart of a friend group, i mostly just bounce around from hangout to hangout. i interact with people a lot! im friends with a good number of people! i just. don’t have that one person that everyone else seems to.

i thought i had found a good group of girls that could maybe be a friend group since i don’t have one since moving back home. they were already friends, and i met them through a mutual friend that was also fairly new to the group. i was just scrolling on instagram today and i saw that there was a birthday party i wasn’t invited to that i just. had to find out through social media had happened. even the newer person was invited.

and maybe i had overinflated my position, or maybe i saw or felt something that wasn’t mutual, but after being invited to other gatherings and parties with the full group, it hurt! and then i started thinking about how they dont really talk to me outside of those hangouts. and there was a group chat they forgot to add me to (whether or not it was purposeful or not i don’t know). i thought maybe we would talk more as time went on, and ive tried to initiate those conversations, but. it’s never worked out.

and ik no one is obligated to hang out with me, ik no one is obligated to invite me to anything, especially since we haven’t known each other for a full year. but it just sucks bc like. im never anyone’s person. im no one’s best friend. people aren’t really jumping at the chance to be with me. i feel like the same lonely kid i always have been.

and it also just feels like. all for nothing? ive done so much work. i try really hard to be someone people like. i think im personable and nice and funny and people say i come off as confident. i dress nicely, i try to talk to people, i try to be supportive and there for others when they need to vent. ive changed so much. im no longer that shy awkward teen i once was, and thats great! i have my moments bc of social anxiety, but i have done a lot to be someone that people want to be around. and of course i have my flaws and things i try to work on but. it all just feels like it’s for nothing. bc im still that kid that doesn’t have a lunch table to sit at. and i feel like im letting myself down.

but even then i feel like it’s all fake. i don’t know where the real me ends and the mask begins. how much of me being a good person is me? how much of it is what i think other people want to see? i don’t know! but sometimes i think. that mask may slip, and i say something weird, or im a little too loud, or i get too excited and i talk too much, or i get too comfortable and i think someone may like me for me! and they don’t.

and ik the reaction to that may be “well you need to know yourself before you can be loved”. i don’t know if that’s ever going to happen! i truly don’t! ive been mentally ill and lonely my whole life. and they just. feed into each other. idk how to separate the loneliness from myself, I don’t know what it means to not feel like this. but does that mean i don’t deserve to love and be loved? aren’t there other people who have found connections and joy and love while being like me? what is it about me that is so repugnant? i try really hard, i genuinely do, i go to therapy and i only sometimes take my meds but i am genuinely really trying and i dont know why im not getting anywhere. but i want to be better, i really do! even with the depression, and the anxiety, and the bpd, i really do try.

i just want to be someone people genuinely truly like and want to be around. i want to meet people and have them think “wow i want to be her friend”. i want to not get dropped for other people. i want to be someone’s first choice. but im not. i want to have a group of people, and even just one, that i think of and who thinks of me when those silly memes of “me and the girls” pop up.

and sometimes i wonder if im just destined to be alone. it really sucks, but i wish some cosmic entiry or god or something would tell me that that’s just the way i am. and that i should just stop trying bc it’ll never matter anyway. it would make it hurt less. but there is no cosmic entity and there is no god and there is no here’s the life ive always dreamed of i will make it mine. it’s just being alone.

so im stuck. trying and failing and wondering what’s wrong with me. maybe im really not as great at being a person as i thought. maybe i am still just ugly and weird and it eventually shows. but i keep trying because thats all i know how to do. until the cosmic entity or god or whoever shows up and tells me to stop.

i really just want to run away a lot of the time. if i moved to some new city far away then i still wouldn’t have friends but i would have an excuse! but i can’t bc i don’t know how and im scared. im really scared that nothing will ever change and ill die alone. probably by my own hand if it gets much worse. but im scared of that too.

[theclosetedskeleton]

HIII HI HIHIHIHI REMINDER RHAT

I LOVE YOUU!!!!!! SOOOOOOSOSOSOSOS VERY INCREDIBLY MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU MAKE ME SO FUCKING GIDDY AND HAPPY EVERYY SINGLE DAY!!!!I CANT EVEN BEGIN TO EXPLAIN HOW HAPPY. ITS LIKE AN ENTIRE NEW LEVEL. I LOVE SEEING ALL THE THINGS YOU MAKE!! WHETHER IT RANGES FROM DRAWINGS, BRACELETS, PINS, ETC. I LOVE THEM ALL!!!!! THEYRE ALL SO AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE GENUINELY THE BEST PERSON ON THIS EARTH EVER!!!! I MEAN IT!!!! THE WORLD IS 10000000000000% BETTER JUST BECAUSE YOURE ON IT!!!!! YOU ARE ON MY MIND 24/7 AND EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU!!!! YOU ARE SO AMAZING AND NICE AND WONDERFUL AND JSUT!!!!!!!!!!!! YKNOW?????? IM SO INCREDIBLY LUCKY TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE!!! IM SO HAPPY AND GRATEFUL THAT I MET YOU!!!!! YOU ARE SOOO VERY VERY IMPORTANT TO ME AND I APPRECIATE EVERY LITTLE THING YOU DO!!!!!!! YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING AND I WOULD NEVER EVEN THINK ABOUT TRADING YOU FOR ANYTHING ELSE!!!!! YOU DESERVE EVERY SINGLE GOOD THING COMING YOUR WAY AND I WILL TRY MY VERY BEST TO MAKE YOU AS HAPPY AS YOU MAKE ME!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE JUST SO AWESOME!!!!!!! I LOVE YOUUUUU CLOSET<33333333333333!!!!!!!!!!!!!!/GEN/QP

AWWKSJSSSD SMILING LIKE A FUCKING IDIOT RN <333333

I LOVE YOU TOO !!!!!! SO SO SOOO SOOO VERY VERY MUCH!!!!!!!!!! WORDS CANT DESCRIBE HOW MUCH !!!!!!!!!!! EVERYDAY I WAKE UP AND I THINK ABT YOU AND HOW LUCKY I AM TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE!!!!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE BEST PERSON IVE LIKE EVER MET AND I WOULDNT TRADE YOU FOR ANYTHING !!!!!!!!! I REALLY TRULY DO HOPE I GET TO BE WITH YOU FOREVER, I CANT BEAR THE THOUGHT OF LEAVING YOU <333 EVERYTHING ABOUT YOU IS SO SO SOOO SOOO AMAZING !!!!!!! AND I MEAN THAT !!!!!!!! EVERY MINUTE WE TALK TO EACH OTHER IM SO HAPPY YOURE IN MY LIFE!!!!!!! EVERYTHING REMINDS ME OF YOU, ALL THE SONGS YOUVE RECOMMENDED ME, THE THINGS YOU LIKE/DISLIKE, OR CERTAIN EMOJIS YOU USE ALWAYS REMIND ME OF YOU!!!! YOURE CONSTANTLY IN MY MIND, AND I THINK YOUVE ALWAYS BEEN IN MY MIND EVER SINCE THE WONDERFUL DAY WE STARTED TALKING <33333333 MY LIFE IS SO MUCH BETTER JUST WITH THE THOUGHT OF YOU IN IT!!!!!!!!! YOU LITERALLY JUST CAME DOWN FROM THE FUCKING HEAVENS ABOVE AND MADE MY LIFE LIKE. SO MUCH BETTER. !!!!!!!! YOU DESERVE EVERYTHING AND I WILL DO MY BEST TO GIVE EVERYTHING IN QUESTION TO YOU!!!!!! I LOVE YOU TOO RICKY!!!!!!!! <33333333/GEN/QP

[kitkatcadillac]

i cant stop thinking about this lady a couple of weeks ago. i hate some facets of internet lingo because a lot of time i feel like theyre so niche but get blown into these ridiculous proportions but ive never met a more karen karen in my life.

lunch rush. and she comes up already looking like shes here for war. i say hello, how are you, she responds immediately by explaining that ONLINE, it says theres a buy one get one free deal at PARTICIPATING LOCATIONS, and that YOUUU GUYS are participating. it says so.

listen. i know people love their little coupons. i will not rob you the joys of a little treat at a discount today, as much as i loathe coupons in a franchise setting. please be free. be happy. have a sammy.

but i had never heard of this promotion. i have not. i never do. we arent participating location. nobody asked us. the app tells you everything automatically participates so you haul your ass off to get a sandwich and get into the store, thats the first step to spending money, which is all a company gives a shit about.

but i told her. i told her we do not participate. we cannot participate. also, nobody asked us. (politely and professionally. it did not keep her from being grouchy.)

she repeats herself. her eyebrows are angling down further in threat.

i tell her theres nothing much i can do for her.

ive never. in my life, in real life, outside of a youtube parody, seen someone turn around, scoff, and tell me "Well I'll just go to another store then!" like its the most scathing, horrific set of words to inflict upon my person. like id go diving across the counter to beg her please, no, god! anything but that!

but im neurodivergent, and its lunch rush, and in my little walnut brain ive had a conversation and its reached its climax, weve come to an understanding, that is reasonable, and she is leaving and i need to have my manners and then move on to the next customer politely too. people are hungry!

i tell her (quite sincerely actually) "have a nice day!"

the way she WHIPPED her head around to look at me like ive insulted her entire bloodline. like ive trashed her entire wardrobe and then slapped her mother. i genuinely had no idea this woman was pissed beyond pissed until this moment and i wasnt even LOOKING at her, i was already started on the next person- but i promise you, the way her mouth thinned out and she froze there, boiling for a second. if there were not 8 people there all trying to hurry along and get food, she would have unleashed like three decades of pent up frustration on me for... what. not taking a coupon? not signing onto the company website and updating the damn thing myself??? (i cant) good lord. settle down.

[splattermouth]

Adaman for the ask meme!

ADAMAAAN ive come around to him a lot, compared to when i first played thru pla. 

(Also mind you its been a while since ive played and i took iridas route over adamans so i dont know. Every little detail about him. But i like him <3)

favorite thing about them: he’s so fucking funny, i love that hes like the straight man of hisui. Adaman is so fucking normal (genuine), and literally everyone else around him has like a secret bit they have to commit to or theyll die. And like he just has to deal w it. Like all of it. Everyone’s nonsense all the time. You can tell he’s so tired and he’s just trying to keep it together

Also obligatory, but his design is soo fucking killer. Ive only recently actually sat down to draw him n hes just so fun. So well shaped. I like irida’s design on its own a lot, but like compared to adaman? they did her so dirty.

least favorite thing about them: I WISH WE GOT MORE OF A BACKSTORY WITH HIM UGGH i hate to compare him to Irida sm here, but she got like. A very clear story of struggling to accept her new position as clan leader after being abruptly shoved into it. Of the rest of her clan either having insanely high expectations for her, or in Palina’s case, feeling like she didn’t deserve the position.

I get Adaman’s whole thing was Supposed to be that he struggled to earn respect from the rest of the Diamond Clan until Dialga outright Possessed him (which that part is fucking sick. For the record), but i wish they just made it more apparent that. That’s What was supposed to be happening lol. 

Because idk, at least to me, definitely the rest of the clan members were kinda bratty, but i never got the impression they were that way specifically Because they thought Adaman was a weak leader, you know? I didn’t even like realize that’s what was supposed to be happening until like. Reading a few other posts abt Adaman’s position in the story dhdfhgkg Good and interesting ideas w his arc just poor and kinda rushed execution imo!!

favorite line: that one fucking line @ irida towards the end of the main game that was like. ‘I don’t think our rivalry is a Diamond and Pearl Clan thing. I think it’s just a You and I thing.’

lives in my brain.

brOTP: for the love of god i need him and irida to be friends that fucking hate each other.

They are at each others throats over Everything, they will argue Everything just for the sake of arguing, if they every agree w each other on any matter they will both collapse on the spot. They are so sick of each other, but also they are best buddies and no one knows them like They know the other. It’s so fun…

OTP: AH im sorry he’s very aro to me. Both bc I don’t think there’s rly a lot of ppl he could be shipped with anyway, but also he does not strike me as someone who has a romantic interest in. like anyone.

He strikes me as a chaste bisexual man who has never felt an ounce of infatuation for another person in his life. He’s just very buddy-buddy w a lot of people, and he’s happy w that <3

nOTP: so i wouldnt say its a notp bc i dont like. vehemently Hate it, and i think there Could be potential. but im sorry, appraisalshipping makes me kinda :/ a fair amount of the time.

Some stuff is cute, yeah, but most of it is just reeks of ‘i only watch/read/play things for shipping and specifically to ship gay prettyboy twinks’ to me. Adaman and Volo have maybe had all of five lines w each other.

I think there could genuinely be something cool to explore there, like contrasting just how immediately trusting Adaman appears to be of Volo? Compared to Irida who calls Volo's bluff right off the bat for being way too friendly w the protag to be completely genuine. With Adaman just tending to be a more open and friendly person than Irida. Adaman putting his faith in someone he absolutely Should Not just because hey! Adaman’s just a nice person like that! He's not gonna be mean to this guy he just met just bc he's a little overeager! But like god knows no one has any interest exploring That dynamic lmao.

anyway if you ship like adaman/akari im legally allowed to break all of your fingers, slowly and individually

random headcanon: I think he should be like 5’5” at most. He’s short and he’s fat i know this in my heart of hearts.

Also despite always talking about utilizing the time he has to the fullest, he doesn’t strike me as someone that pushes himself or other ppl to constantly be Doing and Accomplishing things, so much as he tries to make every moment meaningful and wants others to do the same. I don’t think he’s all that headstrong as some people may describe him, and i dont think he’d necessarily be someone that thinks like. Taking a nap is a cardinal sin. I think he just wants people to put their limited time on this world to something that matters to them rather than petty bullshit (like arguing w the pearl clan sdhk).

ALSO also less an adaman specific headcanon, but i do personally like to think most of the diamond clan are family, or at least all the main members we see. I know hes canonically brother to melli and mai i think? But i think theyre all one big dysfunctional family and theyre why iscan never leaves the coastlands to visit anymore.

unpopular opinion: i dont think hes boring sorry!! Im guilty of think this at first as well tbf but MAN. going back to the what i dont like abt him thing. Knowing now thats what his whole character arc is supposed to be just makes me :(. He wants to be a good leader and he loves his friends and family a lot and takes such good care of them and they literally like. Do not care until dialga outright tells them to take its little thrall seriously for once. Man. man. 

song i associate with them: DHGJKDFH Animal Collective Merriweather Post Pavilion on main. My Girls feels very adaman-core.

favorite picture of them: So theres like zero actual canon art of him outside of just ingame screenshots but i do like this breezy lil adaman here. annoyed…

[meiozis]

I have only really interacted with your fics, so i cannot say much about you personally.I did send an ask a good while ago, saying how your writing made me believe love is real or something along those lines. I think about your reply to my sleepy hazed and sentimentally sappy ask very frequently. I even have screenshotted it haha. I kept thinking about you saying this

“i promise love exists outside of my writing, it's in every small thing forever and always, and it accumulates under your nails like dirt did when you were 5 and playing in the sandpit with a kid you met half an hour ago who is now your best friend

and my words exist outside of me, and if you like them you can carry them with u wherever you go and make them your own”

It was like something just kind of clicked in me. I will save you from the bore that is my love life but essentially it’s almost non existent right now, and has been since a pretty bad relationship ended nearly two years ago. I had somewhat just made myself numb to the possibility or desire for love after that but when I read your writing It was a glimpse of what I had tried so desperately to shut out and I missed it so much.

I had missed pining and affection even the pain that came with it. Your response even furthered that and made me realize that I hadn’t even been looking for love in other facets of my life. I started looking for love in everything, not even romantic but just pure love. Putting love behind my own actions more and loving very liberally. Trying to view small things others do as acts of love. I was so obsessed with acts of love ai even based an assignment in a photography class (it was very well received in critique lol). Ive chilled out a bit since then but I still carry your words with me wherever i go and It has given me such a deeper appreciation for the life i’m living.

Now the fun part is a little association game i like to play! like i said i don’t know you personally but i’ve read your stuff and so here’s a few things they remind me of! i don’t have a reasoning for any of these

the colors apricot and lavender! the artist japanese breakfast, and UA. Tangled headphone wires and arm warmers. the times 7:34pm and 5:56 am. The fizzing of a dissolving tablet when dropped into water, waiting outside for your ride to arrive, oolong tea, sweet cream foam, and a pumpkin fig danish i had one time.

This one’s a little crazy person talk and I’m also not rly sure how it correlates but it does in my mind. It was a trip i went on earlier this year, to a beach. I was at, not my lowest but pretty low, one night i sat by the ocean til 5 am thinking about how i could just walk into the sea and never come out. What would happen to me? would i drown or would i just walk until i found somewhere new? maybe the fish would just carry me. no one would know where i’d gone, not even myself. At some point the sun came up and i saw a fish get washed onto shore. As it just sat there completely still I thought about how maybe it’s the universe’s trade off, the ol switcharoo. It comes out I go in, it wanted out as much as i did. It started flopping around gasping and squirming so i pushed it back into the ocean and it stopped for a second, probably to regain stability, and then darted back into the sea. I went inside, made some breakfast and thought about the countless things that have pushed me back in. your work reminds me of those things too

hope u are safe warm and having a lovely time love u xoxo

it's really nice to hear from you again <3 (the rest is under the read more because i got a little carried away)

honestly i think about that ask almost daily too, because even if technically i know that people read my writing, it's such an unbelievable thought that it makes someone feel things and evokes emotions in them and that my words stay with someone, and thank you for gifting me your words in exchange of mine

it genuinely makes me so happy that you found a way to let love back into your life and a way to be happier i wrote parallels & almosts while coming out of a bad relationship and i remember how much energy and constant conscious effort it took to turn to a blank page and let myself fill it with anything even remotely good or happy, a bad relationship can be such an immobilizing and degrading chapter in our lives, and even if you get stuck in that chapter and forget how to turn to the next page for a week, a month, a year, a decade, it's such a big thing that you didn't close the book and put it back on the shelf, and you pushed that fish back into the water and you pushed yourself back into the water

yeah, that moment of stillness sometimes lasts for longer than we want it to, and maybe we shut down a little and forget how to spot the flowers that bloom where the road meets the sidewalk and the concrete has cracked a bit, but just like that fish in the sunrise you're back in the ocean and it doesnt matter how long it took to regain your stability, all that matters in the grand scheme of things is that you did it and to go on a bit of a tangent i think theres something funny abt how i first read your ask at 5am with my head so full of thoughts i was worried it's going to explode, and it reminded me of a story i wrote up for a comic for one of my classes this semester (the comic got ditched for another project, but the story is still dear to me) and even though it's never seen the light of day, it still reminded me of your story, so i hope you dont mind if i share it with you

Rain knocks on the window politely, so you let it in. Water flows between the cracks of the floorboards, and slowly fills up the room. The sea laps at your feet, hugs your ankles first, then your knees and waist, closes in around your ribs slowly, pushes more and more until you’re neck deep. You let it push you under, gently, comfortably, closing your eyes and filling your ears with ringing.

Is this what it’s like?

The pressure gets stronger and stronger, crushes your ribs into fine powder that the water washes away immediately. It keeps growing, until eventually you can’t feel anything anymore.

You keep falling, deeper and deeper until you touch sand, soft under your feet. Your heart feels at peace, settling into a slow rhythm. Small specks of light flood your vision, bubbles in the water turning into stars in the sky.

You float among them, and pick one out. It rests in your palm, weightless yet heavy, holding the entire weight of the universe. Full of knowledge and love, warm against your skin. You kiss it goodnight, a smile on your face as it explodes in your hold.

With it you’re gone, but so is everything else.

i keep rereading your story, and man, it's a poem of some sort, the ol switcharoo and the fish carrying you away... yeah i'll think abt this for the next 10-15 business days

and the associations oh i really cried over your message at 5 in the morning and it cleansed my soul in a way a little bird takes a bath in a puddle after a spring rain... they are all such lovely things to be associated with that part of me that i share on this silly blog, im putting your message in my pocket and carrying it around with me everywhere <3

thank you for taking the time to write me all this, and thank you for carrying love with you and sharing it and letting yourself take a bite when youre craving it, i hope youre having a lovely day and taking care, stay full of love, love u <33

[njmweb]

this is going to be super corny ok !

@heartjnh - (maybe you'll see this maybe not) god where do i even start . you are quite literally the best thing that happened to me and i cannot stress enough on that . i was acc so happy when we could finally talk yesterday n ive been thinking of our conversation still . you're so cute adorable amazing n everything n you're always there to support me no matter what n i feel so happy knowing that i have you , really . we've known each other for a while now n i often still read our texts from when we first talked . you're all i asked for n youre js so perfect . from our stupid inside jokes to js being an amazing person i can rely on , you're everything . i hate being mushy but i genuinely love making things for you . i love writing poems for you , i love drawing you n me , i love sending you big ass messages on how much i love you , i love getting into media you like js so i can go crazy over it w you (i started w little women for you. Btw) , i love sending you pretty pictures , i love seeing cute things in red cuz they're your favourite colour . this is getting super long but im genuinely over the moon for you n i really really really dont know what I'd do without you . you have the most special place in my heart n trust me when i say no one has even come close to being as special as you are . I love you .

(happy 669 days .. LMFA)

to the sweetest angel, my baby, the jark to my jarchan 💞

@y-vna - OOOHHH MY GOOOOOD I LOVE TALKING WITH YOU you literally make my day 1000000 times better ISTG YOU'RE THE SWEETEST PERSON EVER . reading your message made me tear up n im acc so glad we met even though i dont even know what i did to deserve you like ☹️☹️ i will remember you forever . plz dont stop sending messages like these i genuinely cherish them . so much you're one of the biggest reasons i open tumblr everyday im not even kidding . every interaction between us makes me smile sm n i always get feel so happy everytime you tag me 💓💓💓 im so happy im a person you can come to for help . i hope we continue to get to know each other better ^__^ i love you sosoosos much i cant even put it into words Ookk <33333 /p

@pupicito - LITERALLY MIY FAVOURITE PERSON ON THIS APP EVER . I loveeee talking to you smmmmm n you're so nice you always tag me in silly events in which we can participate together which means sososo much to me 💞 you never fail to make me laugh n i love getting texts from u !!!!! i hope we get to talk more n be silly when we're both not so busy i loev you !!! /p the best carat on this app !!!!!! you've been here since my tzugore era n i appreciate you supporting me up to this point <33333

@silvrrz - i dont even know how we met but like ??? you're one of my fav people ever and i love waking up every day knowing i get to see n be silly w you . i have one of theee best memories ever with you and i would kill to experience them for the first time again . n the way you dont even like skinship but you willingly let me hug and cry into your shoulder on our sports meet says sm abt you . i love every minute of our time together n i love going out to diff places n window shopping w you its genuinely my fav thing ever !!!! after all of our exams are done i hope u me isa n elili can hang out together again <3

@jdopes-recorder - you're a little too obsessed with me but ok 😒 i hope we stay friends for a really long time though ! im so glad you feel comfortable enough to open up to me n im so glad i could be of some help . i love spending time together n we definitely havent spent enough 👎🏼👎🏼 you're also one of my fav ppl ever n even though you barely talk to me i still like getting texts n voice mails from you i Guess . thank you for being the loveliest wife 🎀 (although a shitty co parent ....) n i hope we still can talk frequently in college bc if not i will show up in your house bc of how much ill miss you (although ill never admit that.)

being madly in love with someone platonically is so ridiculous. hey man i think about you all the time. i wish you were here right now. talking to you makes me indescribably happy. i miss you. honestly what the hell

[angstics]

hi q! hope you’re doing well :) i come to you with this inquiry bc it’s something that crosses my mind often: with how easy it is to get tangled up in rockstar idol worship, what would you say are ways of balancing a moderate admiration of one without it falling into a territory you feel to teeter on an unhealthy attachment to the artist/person? all of this to say i struggle with this on the daily and bc you seem like someone with a rationale i genuinely appreciate i figured i’d ask </3

hi! nice of you to think of me :) i think about this often (or i used to when i was in the furrows of infatuation) and i landed on something that helps me at least… and it’s to remember i dont like most people i meet lol… even when i think theyre cool initially or continue to think theyre cool, ive never met someone like this who didnt annoy me in some way. didnt converse well, seemed to be disinterested in everything, always on the grind, wanted something from me, seemed disingenuous, seemed Unwell, seemed unhappy (this isnt annoying but shakes up the perfect vision), seemed impulsive, doesnt text back. Ok thats my rant about every person who’s annoyed me. My best friends annoy me at times. I dont idolize any of them but most these people are worth knowing and liking. So it helps me to know that even people i idolize would definitely annoy me in exciting unknown ways. I dont see them as perfect people. It creates a separation.

End of day i only do this to think about celebrities only when im engaging with their work. No rent free living. I dont fantasize about my friends’ lives & values & how charming they are. Cuz then i run into their human aspects 😭