#how am I supposed to even start lbs

[rayfishandchips]

comment for the ending of Lost Light: how dare you JRO how DARE you. Anyways the second image is my new desktop background now.

"you are so much bigger without it" "my best life" "forever sounds about right" "we can convince ourselves that it worked"

on today's episode of guess how hard I can cry for a ship (literal) and a bunch of robots. This fills me with joy honestly.

[cookiestar360]

Character Sheet

Character- Star

Name- Dummy

Nicknames- Star, Light, Bright, Cookie

Gender-

Species- Angel Dummy

Occupation- Guardian "Angel", Training Dummy

Text Color- Gold or Desaturated Yellow

You can ask them questions :)

-Depiction of Star. Note that I am not very good at art.

Overview

Star is classified as a sentient dummy. After coming across a guardian angel, Star was so excited to see the angel, having heavy admiration for the angel's work that eventually Star was inspired to try and become a guardian angel themselves. Despite not being an angel and having a heavy lack of strength, Star tries their best to defend those who don't have anyone to protect them. Star's devotion towards trying to be a guardian angel derives from the concept that a dummy is supposed to help people... typically by getting injured as a training or testing dummy.

Appearance

True form

Skin tone- #7f7f7f

Height- 5`4 (accurately a Dummy would be 4`6 but I don't wanna use that...)

Weight- 90 Lb

Physical appearance- nothing of note. Just a gray person.

Pretender form

Height- 5`4

Weight- 97 Lb

Physical appearance- A dummy with two pairs of wings on their back, the top pair is golden and sparkles, the bottom one is white. There are two pairs of wings on the head too. Star also has two angelic rings around their head covered in eyes.

Sometimes they'll appear with medium lengthed white hair with a similar color to their head wings.

The wings they have do not work at all. They can be flapped around but Star cannot fly.

The eyes surrounding Star's head DO work, allowing Star to see in every direction alongside seeing ghosts and other things not visible to the average human eye. These eyes cannot close, even while sleeping, but they can move and depict Star's emotions.

Star's two normal eyes are blindfolded, because of this, you will nearly never notice if Star is crying.

Abilities

Shapeshifting

Star is a shapeshifter, they can shapeshift their body to their own will. Star uses this to form the wings, eyes, and halo on themself. Shapeshifting takes energy to do and Star can wear themself out if they overuse it. Instead of using a weapon, Star will shapeshift into a scythe and throw themself at their opponent. This scythe is uncreatively called "Angelsknife"

Necromancy

Star can use magic to revive the dead. This sounds useful, however Star only knows how to use it on themself. Star can bring themself to life and no one else, and they cannot perform this spell while they are dead... If Star uses necromancy right before they die, they can bring themself back to life. This allows Star to effectively avoid death as long as they know they're going to die.

Behavior

Star has barely any care for their life. Star thinks that they are supposed to die in the name of someone else.

Because of their lack of care, this leads to them having no fear or extra respect of beings with far more power than them, including gods.

Star has impostor syndrome, meaning they doubt their own skills and feels like they aren't fit to be a guardian angel. (However, they quite literally are an impostor of a guardian angel, so the feelings are justified.)

Star will become extremely upset if they fail to protect someone, Which can have harsh consequences.

If Star gets overwhelmed, they will begin to lose control of their muscles as they will start to rapidly and randomly shake. This includes Star's heart, so if Star gets too stressed out or upset, their heart will explode.

If scared, (which doesn't happen often) Star will use shapeshifting to distort their face to appear disturbing. This is done in an attempt to appear intimidating.

Star sometimes lacks comprehension of social cues and can often act in ways unwarranted to whatever situation is going on.

Star sometimes wonders if the other training dummies are also sentient and just cannot move, being subject to dying over and over with no one ever knowing they're sentient. This deeply disturbs Star.

The only show Star watches is Family Guy. There is no explanation behind this.

Star's favorite Pokémon is a Substitute Doll (the Pokémon that gets summoned when you use the move substitute that takes damage for the Pokémon using the move.). They refuse to believe anyone who says that isn't an actual Pokémon.

Relations

Family

Star considers every single other dummy like them to be family. Nearly every other dummy isn't sentient however, and just stands still. Parent- Workspace Grandparent- Game (huh, what do you mean those don't count?)

Other

Seth, Burger, Max, Unpleasant, pleasant, Jaws, Lenora, Gabriel, Cinyu, Zephyros, Marth, Grat, Ultra, aevry, Asa, Zandee, Astereal, pancakepieman45, Unus, Randumb and Korissa

Star views Daisy Bell and Alice as siblings/cousins and heavily cares for them.

Star is inspired by Zailyn and Lamentia and views them as role models.

Songs

Yes. They're all just generic royalty free songs. This is because Star is generic.

Also, Their voice sounds like an old text to speech program without the inaccuracies of a machine.

Star's first ever design was made by @abagofstalechiips

Character- Cookie

Name- Cookie K. Star

Gender- Male

Text Color- Green or Purple

You can ask me questions I guess.

Subpar Person

This is just me "Out of Character"

I'm decently different from Star.

Wears a top hat

No I don't like family guy, but I think the characters are funny.

I made the little header page dividers in this sheet myself, thats just how dedicated i am!!1!1!

I don't typically ever do anything like this so my writing is not the best.

I'd say more about me but that's not important, is it?

[numberonetacostan]

HIHIHI 🦐 ANON AGAIN IM SO GLAD YOU LIKED MY HC 🥺 i have so many omg

im assuming that there's not a lot of food sources available for taco so by this point she has gotten used to going about her day with very little emergy/feeling hungry, she would forget to eat a lot (or purposefully not eat to "conserve food" for others/for more difficult times) and mic has to remind her a lot

taco has probably gotten decently good at living in the woods and making do with stuff because assuming she has scavenged for food or whatever in that forest she could be growing her own food or actually hunting

she's probably semi-good at tech stuff, near test tube's level if not just as good (when she first acquires the invisibow it glitches out/breaks after a few tries but then later on it just never breaks once ? which leads me to assume she fixed it up/improved it somehow.) also the other 2 invisibows had to come from somewhere (the one knife broke and mic/mepad's bow)

she probably has a hoarding problem XD

i think i read a post of yours mentioning she has insomnia because of the forest but consider. she has insomnia because she has to stay alert so she doesn't get caught by the other contestants/anyone in general while she was living in the woods (if you already mentioned this before ignore it HAHA i am so forgetful)

ok that's all the hcs i can remember for now 💛💛 i love reading your posts and i love taco

OMG HI AGAIN SHRIMPY!!! 🦐🦐🦐🦐 I am going to call you shrimpy that is your name now. Welcome back and thank you for returning with more headcanons!!!!^^^^^^

TACO ABSOLUTELY DOES NOT EAT MUCH!!!! I've asked Justin about it, I've discussed (and your second hc for that matter!!) with my buddy @based-and-uncouth, I love this hc so so so much!!! Taco does NOT have easily access to good food sources in the woods!!! She has to conserve what little she does have, and combined with how harsh living in the wild is on one's body, and how small she is, she is unhealthily thin and generally unwell!! She would definitely keep those habits post-canon even when food is more plentiful!!! She just can't shake that fear so easily, yeah? Not to mention, after a period of starvation, a person has to up their portion sizes slowly so they don't make themselves sick!! Even if she wants to, she just can't start eating full portions right away!!! Mic would absolutely remind her to eat and help her out with getting her weight up <3.

And she absolutely has a range of survival skills after her years in the woods!!! Post-canon she would be pretty vital to building up their community, even if not everyone really trusts her, because she knows the most about the terrain, where to bathe, where to find food, and most importantly what food is and isn't safe to eat!!!! I'd imagine like, OJ or something trying to go out and make food on his own without consulting Taco, and then vomiting for a few hours because he used something unsafe in his dish. Lesson learned.

I LOVE HER BEING GOOD WITH TECH!!! Definitely not at a test tube level, it doesn't come as naturally to her, but she's a smart cookie (or a smart taco, I suppose) and could figure plenty out I'd bet!!! I believe she steals the other invisibow for Mic at the same time she steals her black one, and the other one we see in the beginning of episode 15 comes from a box of Testy/LB's things, so I think she just made another one after she "lost" the other two. But Taco does mess with Mepad's teleportation, and even if she doesn't manage to disable his own teleporting, she does enable herself to teleport, which I'd argue is more impressive. Techy Taco my beloved!!!

She would have a hoarding problem!!! Not sure if you meant items or food, but either way I'm with you. I made a post about her hoarding food a while back, so I'm just gonna talk about her hoarding stuff!!! Because Taco has pretty much nothing!!! The only possessions of hers that we see are ones she steals!!! Every resource she can get her hands on is important and must be kept!!! And she'd keep this mindset post-canon, even when she's hoarding pretty objectively useless stuff!!! Mic might help her out with this one too, helping Taco remember that she'll have all her needs met now and that she isn't in any danger <3.

I thiiiiiiink I did mention that when I was talking about her insomnia? But maybe I didn't!!!! Either way I will NOT ignore it because you are right!!!! 🎤 shout it louder anon!!!!! Taco is on constant alert in that forest which makes it very hard for her to sleep!!!!! She does NOT want to get caught!!!! I imagine her worst night is the night after Knife finds out about her and Mic's alliance.

[zerosuitsammi3]

Hey there! I don’t know how to even begin with this but I’ve known I’ve preferred to be a woman for as long as can remember. I never knew what to do with these feelings so I just went along as the guy I was supposed to be. That is until the pandemic. During that time I spent a lot more time alone to process things and explore a little. And I’m in a position where things aren’t the best for my situation in any way. I come from an immigrant family and they’re not the most tolerant people when it comes to lgbt issues. I’m unfortunate enough to have grown into a big burly man body. I just got laid off before the holidays. And I’m still in a relationship that probably wouldn’t survive me transitioning. I’m 30 so I’m not asking what to do but I am pretty scared. Terrified actually. I just don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m tearing apart inside. What was your experience? I hope I’m not being too much, this is the first time I’ve said these words to anyone. I hope you’re having a lovely day.

First off *hug* I know you're going through a lot. Bottled up dysphoria can be one of the most torturous feelings. I'm sorry that your situation is so challenging as well. I wish there was more I could do to help you. But know that you aren't alone. And your experience is something others have been through as well. Many in the community have been right where you are and can empathize. As well since you asked I'll share my story, and I'll try to keep it somewhat brief.

I personally always knew I was a girl even from a young age and I never felt comfortable. But as a kid born in the 90's I didn't have vocabulary to describe my feelings and only had offensive stereotypical depictions of trans women to go off of. I remember being a kid and crying myself to sleep at night because I felt wrong and I was wishing I'd wake up and find out the life I'd been living as a boy was actually all just an intense nightmare. But since I had no access to real knowledge about trans things I just went on living as a depressed effeminate boy with zero self confidence. That is until I was about 16 and as a joke while hanging out with friends I put on my gal friends poms gear to be silly and funny. But being the short skinny effeminate emo "boy" with long hair that I was. Well. I just looked like a girl the moment I put on feminine clothing. This moment kinda changed everything. I had to stop myself from crying because of how much I loved seeing myself as a girl in the mirror. Because certainly my friends couldn't know how much I loved it. That always stayed in my mind. And around age 19 I learned about hrt. I learned real things about everything transgender without the harmful stereotypes. I began really experimenting with my gender from 19 to 23. I desperately wanted hrt, but didn't know how to get and was desperately afraid. I was constantly dressing feminine at home and masculine in public. I got so depressed not getting to be myself all the time that I attempted suicide around 21. Still have a scar from it. Thankfully I lived. After that I started to do certain things publicly presenting femme. But sadly at 24 I went deep back in the closet for professional reasons and that lead to another depression spiral from 24 to 26. Instead of attempting suicide this time I just lived an incredibly unhealthy life. Very self destructive habits. A lot of chain smoking, excessive drinking, over eating. I was killing myself in a different way. Finally at 26 I broke and said I can't live like this anymore I can't pretend to be someone I'm not. I couldn't let the fear hold me back anymore. I went to therapy. I was diagnosed with gender dysphoria immediately and referred to a local lgbtqia+ doctor's office and was prescribed hrt. After starting hrt everything in my life improved. I lost about 80 lbs of depression weight in a very short amount of time. My anxiety became manageable and in a lot of cases became non-existent. My depression went away. I became actually self confident. I was actually happy. And now I've been on hrt for almost five years. I needed this. I would've died young had I not transitioned. So I know exactly what you feel when you say "you feel like you're tearing apart inside" I don't want to tell you to just do it, just transition, given your situation and what you stand to lose. But you need to ask yourself: can you stand to live not being your authentic self? Is it worth a life of self misery to keep what you have? If it's not, then it's time to transition and be who you are.

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

Okay so a thing that has bothered me ever since I first watched Chat Blanc was Bunnyx and the general time travel stuff because tghis makes no sense. In the Chat Blanc time line, after Chat Blanc destroyes the universe, everyone is dead. Including adult!Alix aka Bunnyx. So the Bunnyx fron the Chat Blanc timeline doesn'rt exist anymore, meaning that the Bunnyx fron the episode is from a parallel timeline where Chat Blanc didn't destroy the universe. That however raises the question why she would even care about that other timeline. Is her quest to assure victory over Monarch in every single timeline because that sounds exhausting as hell. I also don't understand the deal with her leg disappearing while she witnesses the fight between LB and CB, it has no reason to, because LB defeating CB doesn't have any effect on Bunnyx because, as stated earlier, the Bunnyx from that timeline is already dead! And honestly, the fact that Lb even had to fight CB makes no sense. They could've just went back in time 2 minutes so LB can erase her name from the letter (or just be quicker so Adrien doesn't see her) and CB doesn't happen in the first place!

Like, genuine question, what was the point of the whole thing? I mean other than the concept is cool and the writers wanted to give LB trauma (which never really plays a significant part in the overall story anyway??)

Sorry for rambling so much, I don't know if this makes any sense, the episode was really confusing to me and idk if it's just because the episode actually doesn't make sense or because I just don't understand it bc time travel is really confusing. Would really love to hear your opinion!

You're fine and you're not missing a thing. The episode simply doesn't make sense nor am I sure why it even exists. I know a lot of people love it, but I really don't get the hype. It runs off of nonsense logic and makes most of the characters look really bad.

Let's start with the lore.

The canon lore is that Bunnyx only travels through time, not universes, so it makes no freaking sense that an adult Bunnyx would be able to stop Chat Blanc since the existence of Chat Blanc should stop her from existing. It's a total paradox that goes against everything we'd been told about her powers. Of course, she's also supposed to be the hero of last resort, yet we hear about her hanging out with famous historical figures and the season five final sees her acting as a substitute for the horse miraculous even though the people she portals in don't do a thing to help with the final battle, so it's not like Chat Blanc is the only time her powers and role get ignored. Any time I use the rabbit, I have to completely rework its lore because canon is just so bad at time travel. I like Alix and her adult design is awesome, but any time Bunnyx shows up, I expect to be annoyed.

Also, I will never forgive her for just dumping Ladybug back in our time without so much as a word of encouragement or any reassurance that the Chat Blanc stuff was only a maybe. And Ladybug was the one to figure out how to fix time!!! Alix, you suck at your job! Or this is just another case of the writers refusing to let someone other than Marinette save the day even though the poor girl really needs a day off.

As for why this episode exists? I don't even know, dude. It makes no sense. Back when we thought it was going to be a driving force in the season four conflict - an assumption that was backed up by Marinette's nightmare in sentibubbler - the episode kinda made sense in spite of its flaws. But we're two seasons past Chat Blanc and the only person who is apparently traumatized by it is Adrien.

Yes, the writers actually said this. No, you didn't miss an episode where Adrien learned about Chat Blanc. They were talking about the nightmares from the final:

Mélanie says that he "could become Chat Blanc" and the others add that even though he does not remember and has never lived it, Chat Blanc still has an influence on his actions.

Yes, this is embarrassingly bad writing. The character who never saw or even heard of Chat Blanc is somehow the one who is traumatized and effected by it while Marinette's trauma has nothing do to with Chat Blanc or the events of the season four final. Instead, it's random BS that was never even hinted at until season five. I just... what?

In case it wasn't obvious - which I guess it isn't given that professional writers missed this - the logical way to write this to have the season four conflict be about Chat Blanc from Ladybug's side. After the conflict ends, she reveals everything to Chat Noir who becomes terrified of hurting people with his powers. This is only exacerbated by the events of Destruction. But then the show would have had to let Chat Noir have a character arc that didn't revolve around Ladynette and the series seems allergic to that as a concept, so instead Adrien gets magical trauma that keeps him from the final fight. And I thought the Derision retcon was bad!

Other issues with Chat Blanc in no particular order:

It cements Nathalie as just as bad a Gabriel since she's the one who tells him Adrien's secret identity and we then see her do nothing to try to protect Adrien.

It makes Gabriel irredeemable by showing him gleefully hurting his child. Dude punts his son across the city with a smile on his face!

It makes Adrien look slimy since he asks Marinette out without telling her that he knows her secret identity. This one is in a bit of a grey area for me because the secret identity stuff is complicated, but Adrien has never been the one who cared about secret identities AND he's the one who has been directly turned down in hero form. The episode takes none of that into consideration with its writing and it really needed to for Adrien to feel like he had a valid point of view here. As is, he's taking advantage of a situation and putting his Lady love at risk for his own wants.

The pillow sniff scene makes Marinette look unhinged.

It spits in the face of The Power of Love by having Adrien's love fail to be enough to stop him from killing Marinette.

Marinette's parents should have gotten involved after Gabriel threatened her. There is no way in hell that I'd let my kid go over to the Agreste mansion after that. If the writers were once again determined to not let Tom and Sabine parent, then the threat should have come when Marinette was alone.

Why did Ladybug even need to go to the future if Bunnyx could have just gone back in time and stopped Ladybug from leaving the present for Adrien? Why did Chat Blanc even need to be defeated? What did Ladybug's ladybug actually fix when she cast her charm?

This is minor, but it bothers me: Chat Noir should not have been smiling and happy when he was freed from his akuma. That boy should have been in the middle of a breakdown.

I know people forgive some of the above because Chat Blanc is sort of an AU and I'm not going to say that's wrong, I just can't look at it that way because there's nothing that sets Chat Blanc apart from the normal timeline. The Paris special gives us an AU. Chat Blanc (and Ephemeral) are what the writers told us would happen in the canon timeline if Gabriel ever discovered his son's secrets. Canon Gabriel was the one doing those things and would have done them again if given the chance. This is who the writers said he is. Same goes for all the other characters who come across less than stellar here.

There's a reason why I love a good Chat Blanc rewrite. It's an idea with a lot of potential, but canon capitalizes on almost none of it.

[naomiknight-17]

As some of you may know, I started losing weight because I have health issues I wanted to address.

Now, I didn't believe that losing weight would FIX those issues, mind you. It's just that every time I told my doctor something like

"My periods are really really heavy and painful"

Or

"My lower back pain is crippling, some days I can't even get out of bed on my own"

Or

"I get out of breath so easily, sometimes when I'm not even doing anything"

Or

"My depression is so bad I don't have the motivation to do the most basic and important tasks"

The answer was always "Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight. Lose weight."

I have lost at least 55 lbs.

My periods are only under control because my gynecologist diagnosed my severe endometriosis and got me on then-experimental meds that stopped my cycle.

My back still regularly flares up and disables me. I had a bout of breathlessness so severe at my last cardiac rehabilitation class that one of the nurses came to check on me thinking I needed medical help. My psychiatrist retired over a year ago and left me on a low dose of antidepressants and said I was fine even tho I'd told him I was not.

But only now, now that I've lost some weight, only now was my doctor like "Huh. Maybe you can take some painkillers. Try this kind. Let me know how you feel in a month. That breathing problem does sound unusual, here's a referral to a cardiologist, and if they don't find anything I'll send you to a respiratory specialist. Try this different antidepressant on top of the one you're taking."

"How strange that you are unwell when you are eating right and exercising and doing everything you are supposed to"

Maybe. Maybe I would not be so unwell if you addressed my symptoms, oh I dunno, 2+ years and 55+ pounds ago. Just a thought

I am glad she is finally taking my illnesses seriously but I should not have had to lose weight for her to do that. I should not have had to suffer untreated for years because she did not think I was taking good care of myself

Fat people (and I am still very fat, for the record!) really do have more trouble getting the most basic fucking medical care I swear to god

[moths-in-a-coat]

being the token fat person in a group is genuinely so demeaning

there’s a girl in my study group, and she probably weighs 120 lbs, and she said she gained 5lbs last month and how she needs to hit the gym hard this month to make up for it

she was genuinely panicked about it. about gaining 5 lbs. and she just kept going on and on about how weighing a lot means you’re unhealthy and kept reciting all of these statistics on why being fat makes you so unhealthy. she even started talking about how overweight children should count as abuse or neglect due to how terrible being fat is. the entire study group agreed

and what i am supposed to say to that? like “hi, i’m what you consider the most unhealthy person alive and i have the most disgusting body type.” what am i supposed to say when i exist around people who see looking like me to be a genuinely distressing thought?

it doesn’t matter that they didn’t say anything to me or to my face, the way they talk is, nonetheless, demeaning even if they’re directing their comments to themselves or to people who exist solely in hypothetical scenarios

[peachsayshi]

Can we just agree that’s absolutely never okay to comment about somebody’s weight ever?

And with such a fucked distorted view on how bodies are? According to society I have an “ideal” shape. I have a small waist. Flat tummy. But I am an hourglass. Do people expect me to look pre-pubescent? Like I am not supposed to have tits or an ass?

Like wtf?! Are women just never good enough for you all?

Can’t we just fucking exist ??

I am going to start responding with. “when you last saw me I would starve myself and work out twice a day - and now you’re seeing me with a little post-depression weight gain but I am doing much better mentally, thank you for asking!”

I gained 5 kgs/11 lbs. Thats it. My hips are a bit rounder, my boobs a bit bigger, my tummy isn’t shredded like it used to be - but at least I am not thinking about how much how I hate myself or my life anymore. At least I am finding my joy again.

I’ve been thinking about losing some of it for my own comfort - but not at the expense of my physical or mental health. I’m a bit older now too, so it doesn’t just come off as fast - but for the first time in my life, my body doesn’t control me. I am literally just existing and that’s really big for me.

Note: I don’t think there is anything wrong with fat bodies. Bodies are beautiful regardless. I’m a big supporter of all body types, shapes, sizes - because if it carries you through this big & scary world - it’s quite marvelous tbh. But it’s the connotation of how that person pointed it out, like they wanted me to sweat over the word “fat” when really I am more offended by their audacity. They didn’t even greet me with a hello first! Like damn -.-

[lilflowerpot]

Hey there Flower! I hope all is well with you and that you’re having a wonderful day💜 I wanted to send in an ask because I recently had this realization and did some research and found out that the act of crying is a “uniquely human trait”. This got me thinking if the galra cry too? Let me explain a bit, so as far as I know other animals are capable of shedding tears but it’s not an emotional response so much as there might be something wrong/in their eyes.

We’ve seen that alteans can cry! But I wonder about the galra because I don’t believe we’ve seen any of them cry (not even Krolia).

I wasn’t sure if you’ve been asked this before or not and I tried my best looking to see if you have but the only post I saw relating was about the differences in galra/human anatomy and it did mention their eyes!

So with this information…can galra cry as an emotional response? If they can’t, what’s their reaction to humans doing it?

(Also please correct me if I’m wrong for any of the statements I made! I’m also aware that you’ve mentioned before that we will be seeing “Lotor tears” in the future of LB but we could say that he’s able to cry because of his altean half?)

Okay so first of all I love you for diligently scouring my blog to see if I'd already answered this question (I have not) your consideration is greatly appreciated ♡

Secondly, while I was aware than humans are the only known organism that cry from emotion, and we do indeed know that Alteans can cry as proven by s1ep09, I hadn't really considered whether or not the galra are a species were in the same boat,,, only that Lotor himself has to be because not only did I have him become teary-eyed in the most recent chapter—

“Is that enough?” the question scrapes ragged and ruinous against the silence that surrounds them. “Truthfully,” the prince admits, “I do not know.” and, with a start, Keith realises that summer-sky eyes are near as glassy as his own, “Though, if anything is to be your downfall, would you not rather it be love?” - Little Blade, chapter 24

—but I have Plans™ for his future that demand it.

That being said, when I think about it, it really doesn't make an awful lot of sense for the galra to cry from emotion due to Daibazaal having been such an arid planet that any unnecessary loss of fluid would have been a distinct evolutionary weakness for them, and so would likely have been evolved out (if ever it was something they were capable of in the first place). This, of course, begs the question: what displays of sorrow/emotional distress do the galra have?

As a direct result of this ask, I've once again expanded upon my galra body language post, adding to the "bad noises" bullet point:

Though they cannot cry tears as humans do, the galra expression of grief is—according to those who've heard it—one of the most harrowing sounds in the known universe; the drehvi is a distinctly mournful vocalisation unique to the galra people, taking the form of a raw, guttural, bellowing wail that stems from deep within the chest cavity and can be heard from up to half a league away.

If you can imagine the noise a bear might make upon suffering a sudden but mortal wound, and that sound echoing across an otherwise silent valley devoid of all life,,, that would be the drehvi.

So........... on that not-at-all-heartbreaking note, you also asked for the galra reaction to humans crying, which I am going to keep much lighter (because I am internally weeping now goddammit) so I'd have to say it's likely a mixture of confused and alarmed, because the human is,,, leaking?? Are humans supposed to do that?? Their breathing has also become remarkably erratic and hiccupy which is almost certainly Not Good if they do not regulate their oxygen intake they will DIE because humans are SMALL and FRAGILE, but they are also not currently in a state to explain themselves nor how to help??

[zenis-castle-in-the-sky]

Two year update -v-

6 paragraph essay warning!!!!!111!!!!1!! Nah, I'm just kidding.

I started this blog as a coping mechanism to deal with a toxic friendship I had from 2017-2021. It took me a couple years to figure out that I was just the backup choice for a potential relationship. I also figured out this "friend" needs serious therapy and healing. But what do I know? My only regret was allowing myself to become way too attached. As they call it, Stockholm syndrome, I was addicted to this person.

I no longer make poems, and I haven't documented a dream in this blog for two years. While I still miss these people that I've constantly complained about, I am also still trying my hardest to move on. It's getting easier day by day as I grow wiser and think less on it and more about how much better life is now.

That being said, life is so much better now. It's not AS great as two years ago, or even last year, as I had lost 60 lbs and was feeling happier and more confident in my skin than ever. Unfortunately, I gained all the weight back during last autumn and winter, so now I am back where I started with that. It has led to more anxiety episodes from me. However, that doesn't mean I've given up. It's just harder for me to lose weight now. I'm still trying. I just have less ways and options at the moment. I will be moving again, soon, so then it will be easier.

Oh yeah, I haven't mentioned yet. I moved to Texas in February this year. Why? Because my husband lives here! We initially were supposed to get married in February, but due to ~things~, we have happily married on September 6th, 2024. We have struggled a li financially wise due to ~things~, that were out of our control, but again, we will be moving again, soon, so then it will be easier.

I am absolutely in love with my husband. He and I met in 2021 as friends but we did not start dating until May 1st, two years ago. I am truly grateful I decided to play Roblox that day that we met, or else I would be the same woman as if I did not. Lonely, sad, hopelessly romantical, mooching off her father, still. I do not feel like I deserve my husband, especially since I have gained all this weight back I don't think he should have a fat wife. And I mean FAT wife. I have a double chin, overhanging belly, my fingers are sausages. But somehow he still loves me. For a while I was convinced it was a friend of my ex boyfriend's, pretending to love me as a prank because he was salty he never got to see my tits. But, like, I met his parents. He met my parents. He married me. We had sex. There's no way that he could be that. He truly loves me, and yet I'm over here with this mental illness that will only go away when I lose weight. I feel bad, making him go through that. Still, he says he will always support me, help me when I need it, and he's even agreed to be the regulator for how much I eat, and prevents me from cutting myself. I am truly grateful for this man He makes me the happiest woman in the world.

I've thought about going back to documenting my dreams, but I haven't been having them as much as I thought I would. Even when I was getting tons of sleep, I had no dreams. Even now that I have less sleep, I still have no dreams. they're rare, now. It's okay, though, I don't mind it. It just means that I don't remember the dreams. After all, everyone dreams. We just don't remember them. And that's why we write them down.

that being said, I DO have some of my dreams written down. I only have a few, in my notes app. Maybe I will start writing them down again? I dunno.

[whentherewerebicycles]

two things I feel some trepidation about:

I am eating under my daily caloric allotment and yet still packing on weight. I’m up 11 lbs in 13 weeks and am only supposed to gain 15-25 over the whole nine months :-//// and I don’t even really have a bump yet so it’s not like it’s all going there. I’m trying not to worry about it as long as I’m eating well, exercising daily, and getting lots of sleep. but my mom was making approving comments on the phone about how little weight my teeny tiny SIL has gained and kind of neutral-to-lightly-judgy comments about how much weight another person we know has gained in the same amount of time, and I was just like 🫠 well my body type is MUCH closer to the other person’s and my weight gain trajectory is too. I’m really genuinely not TOO much in my head about it as it seems to be largely out of my control, but I think I feel more insecure about it because I’m not showing yet but also don’t fit into anything but stretchy pants and sweatshirts. sigh.

I have to jump through a bunch of time-consuming hoops to get started with this tutoring job and I’m kind of blehh about it in part because they weren’t really able to give me a semi-guaranteed minimum number of hours I could expect per week. I’m worried it’s going to be a lot of work but not ultimately pay enough… and idk looking at my budget for next year just has me stressed about affording childcare. I wish I could cobble together 8-12 months of leave like the couples I know who are having kids right now!!!! and a double income to cover daycare sure wouldn’t hurt!!! but I know I am super lucky to get 4 paid months and also I went into this with open eyes lol. it’ll all work out.

three things I am feeling great/hopeful about:

I really like this weightlifting class and I’ve decided to just commit to going 3x a week for the duration of the pregnancy (or until I am too uncomfortable idk). it’s a little pricy so I can’t continue it forever but I can manage six months and it’s worth it to pay a little more for the accountability (as opposed to a gym membership I rarely use). I’m also hoping that working out consistently will inspire me to start running again… I often find when I’m in a good gym routine I’m more motivated to mix in additional cardio.

I wrote a lot last Sunday and then carried it on a bit through the week which is good! can’t tell if the idea will stick but I can tell I’m generating some good little bits that can be folded into future projects if this specific one doesn’t pan out.

my food aversions are largely gone which means I can cook again!!! I managed to eat pretty well even with the nausea but I was definitely scavenging bits and pieces of meals rather than doing thoughtful/balanced meal planning. going to try some recipes rec’d by y’all this week I think plus I might head back to the library tomorrow and check out more cookbooks.

[ivyshrinks]

semaglutide update: week 14

my last update wasn't a very informative one, so I'm going to try to talk a bit more about what's been going on lately in this post! I'll make some bolded headers for different topics I discuss in case there's anything in particular you do or don't care about.

weight update

I haven't had the best few weeks. I've been eating kind of like an asshole - ordering doordash a lot, started (and stopped) drinking alcohol again, etc. however, I've been back on track for a bit now, and I'm down to a new low weight of 347.7 lbs (down from my april hw of 390 lbs and my july 9th sw of 380 lbs). this means I'm a little over 30 lbs down in three months! losing at a rate of 10 lbs/month is great, and I'm really happy with the progress I've been making.

medication update

I'm still taking 20 units of compounded semaglutide a week, which I think (based on the concentration of my meds) is equivalent to the 1.0 mg dose of the actual stuff. I plan on staying on 20 units for a while, maybe throughout my next vial of medication (which should last about 10 weeks at 20 units/week), then I might discuss with my doctor going up a bit if I feel like I need it. I think the therapeutic dose of wegovy for weight loss is 1.7 mg or 2.4 mg, so I'm still technically below the therapeutic dose, but it's been working fine and I don't want to jump up in dose too soon if it's not necessary.

struggling with knowing when to stop eating on semaglutide (tw: vomiting)

something I've been struggling with is getting used to my new stomach and fullness cues. I never really had fullness cues until starting semaglutide, so I have a hard time knowing exactly when to stop eating. this means I often eat slightly too much, and then immediately have to go vomit - not self-induced, but just too much in my stomach that my body rejects it. I've been vomiting a few times a week from eating a little too much during my regular meals, which is something that really bothers me. so now I'm trying to be more mindful of portion sizes, how much I put on my plate, and unlearning being part of the "clean plate club." I always feel the need to finish everything I put on my plate, but I need to realize that it's okay if I save some leftovers for later or even throw away the rest of my food when I'm full.

sobriety struggles

as for the alcohol that I mentioned earlier, I bought a big bottle of vodka a week or two ago and thought "I can just have a little bit here and there, and it'll be fine!" without realizing that I am not in fact a queen of moderation when it comes to alcohol. after one evening of drinking my usual (large) amount, I woke up at 1 am with a headache, tummy ache, heartburn, etc., and I just thought to myself "I hate this and it's not worth it." when I woke up in the morning, I poured the rest of my vodka down the drain. I don't need it. it's not good for me mentally. it's not good for my weight loss journey.

exercise

I want to start exercising regularly again! for a while, I was struggling with back pain and sciatica, causing me to lose feeling in my right leg if I walked too far, which scared me out of going for walks. I didn't want to get hurt from falling. however, that pain has disappeared now! I've gone for a few walks this past week, with each walk being between 1.5 and 2.5 miles in distance, and I love it. I also plan on starting up yoga again to hopefully help with my flexibility and mobility, as well as for mental health benefits. I plan on using the underbelly website (which promotes yoga for people in all bodies with an emphasis on accessibility) for yoga at home a couple of days a week, and I even signed up for a gentle yoga class at a wellness center near my house! my first class is supposed to be tomorrow night, but I might have to skip it - unfortunately I have come down with a cold, and I'm not feeling too hot right now.

new doctor

I received a devastating email a few weeks ago saying that my primary care physician (who I have worked with for years and who I adore) will no longer be accepting my insurance in 2025. my doctor and the physician's assistant have been so supportive and incredible, both while on my weight loss journey and even when I was struggling with weight gain. they're healthcare practitioners who are supportive of my weight loss journey without being fatphobic or condescending about my weight. so, learning that I need to find a new doctor was devastating and scary. I did a lot of research and found a couple of doctors who seem to have very good reviews and are consistently described as kind and compassionate, so I have a new patient appointment with one of these other doctors in a couple of weeks. I hope she's as supportive as my last doctor. I'm kind of scared about starting off fresh with a new doctor, especially since I used this opportunity to switch to a doctor with a different hospital affiliation, which means she won't have automatic access to my old records. so when I go to weigh in for the first time with my new doctor, they're just going to see that I'm 300+ lbs, not the fact that I've already lost 40+ lbs. I hope to get them up to speed, but it's still a bit daunting. I hope everything goes well with this transition.

where do I go from here?

I'm going to keep on truckin! I'm going to try to limit how often I order doordash, and try to make healthier choices when I do. I'm going to avoid alcohol. I'm going to continue going for walks when the autumn weather is nice and start practicing yoga a few days a week. I'm going to try to get a little better about drinking my water on workdays. I'm going to try to post more in the discord weight loss groups I'm a part of for support since sometimes being on a weight loss journey can feel a little lonely. and I'm just going to keep marching forward!

[acoralcoffeelover]

So here we go...

So I started college this past week and it's been not great. I had an asthma attack so bad I had to be put into the hospital during the first week but worse than that I'm ugly. I know that sounds childish but let me explain cuz you don't understand how desperately I wish I was pretty. Ever since I got to college everyone and everything tells me I'm ugly. Now I know I'm not much to look at but it's like everything wants to keep reminding me. My roommate and her sibling are beautiful and every time we do anything boys come up and ask for their numbers or they'll always just constantly be talking about a different guy they're talking too. And apparently everyone hated my afro or apparently it looked bad because now my hair is in slick puffs and everyone seems to be fucking sighing in relief. I hate being here honestly it's been 1 week. Like ik I'm weird but omg I don't wanna be here anymore. I just wanna feel like a person but I've never felt more alien-like. Even the things I like make me weird like wtf is wrong with me?!?! Plus there’s this thing called the ‘freshman 15’. Apparently, during your freshman year, you're supposed to gain 15 lbs. I refuse! I lost so much this past year, I can't go back. I. Won't. Go. Back. So now I start my journey to become beautiful! Not only am I going to beat that 15 but I’m going to lose so much I’ll be completely unrecognizable. I'm going to make a plan to make myself into the perfect girl, I’ll learn how to do my makeup better and I'll get better at dressing myself. I feel a little bad though because I went through so much to get cleared and be deemed as recovered. But that doesn't matter, I'm gonna run with this relapse and finally fix myself even if it kills me. No more games time to be serious! Thus starts my journey.

[95isthemagicnumber]

I'm back at it... I don't hate my body per se, but I just hate how I've lost pretty privilege after gaining 10-15lbs. I used to hate my body before because I thought that was the reason I didn't have friends. But now, I do have friends and even a boyfriend. But still, I have this friend who's skinny (100-105) and she looks down on me. I need to distance myself from her.

I just want to be my skinny self again. There's always this nagging feeling that I could look better. So now, I'm starting this blog so I can hold myself accountable and so that I could surround myself with people who have the same goals and mindset.

I remember the time I used to be 94 lbs. I would try to do 500-800 days a lot. I'd "binge" sometimes, but I suppose my average calorie intake was still low that I ended up weighing that little. So now, I'm gonna do more 500-800 calorie days. Over the last couple of months, I've been doing 1000 calorie days but it hasn't really helped TBH. While I do go out on the weekends, my weight hasn't made a dent AT ALL. I need to do something more drastic. I need to go back to my old ways.

I feel almost ashamed that I've let myself go this much. I promised myself that I would never weigh about 110lbs and here I am, weighing 120lbs. Embarrassing. That's fine. As long as I strive for more 500-800 calorie days, I should be fine. As long as I actually feel hungry and actually starve myself, it's going to work out!

[angstics]

reading the synedoche new york lb reviews is like living synedoche new york. No one gets me

Like am i crazy or was this quite easy to digest. It’s someone’s thoughts. Maybe it’s easy because i dont see it as a story about a person (it’s too ridiculous) but a story about a person’s thoughts. You’re sick and lonely and you want someone and they die and you die the end. That’s life? It isnt even depressing. It takes every opportunity to be funny. She’s lived in a burning house for years and she dies right when she gets with him. From smoke inhalation. I laughed! 😭 It’s chet baker’s self-pitying “everything happens to me”. I often feel the same way— awkward and alone and like i dont really fit in. But im starting to realize that what i have been thinking was a performance are actually things im doing in my real life. When im not sure how im supposed to deal with death, that is how im dealing. I think thats the point of this. Also that was very transgender can anyone hear me. I was surprised how explicit this was because the movie kaufman made like 10 years later dealt with a similar gender doubling but WAY more implicit. It’s really interesting and i like that he thinks it’s interesting

[miserious-magnolia]

"Psychoanalysing" myself

I tried to lose weight in spring of 2022 without knowing anything about nutrition/ working out, etc. I didn't even have an idea what a calorie really was. I just knew that I weighed a few kilos too much. I tracked my calories and worked out and lost weight over a couple of weeks. It all worked out like it was supposed to.

Then summer came around, a lot of things were changing and I stopped tracking the calories and by the end of summer I had put my weight back on.

Now, a little over a year later I have gained a few more kilos.

Why?

I think it started with finding out about calories. before I knew about calories, my eating was much more "intuitive" because I had to rely on that intuition to feel good while eating. I was a wee bit over the optimal weight for my height, because I just love food. After finding out how calories worked and using that to lose weight, my food choices shifted from what felt good to what was within the caloric range. that meant sometimes eating more of something not because I wanted to but more because "I still had some calories left". when I stopped counting calories I still had them in the back of my head but now used them more to justify overeating/ unhealthy eating because I had no real idea how many calories I was actually burning and consuming but surely I was still within the normal range, even when I probably wasn't.

I actually also think that all the fitness/ health content I am casually fed by my algorithms is often more detrimental than helpful even though the people posting it don't intend for it to be that way; that's my fault, but still. When I see people posting their healthy recipes it just makes me think about food more than I probably should. When people encourage their audience to eat more protein, fibre, etc. it just leads to me overeating because I can easily justify eating some vanillaskyr, fruits, etc. with chocolate just "because it has protein and fibre" even though I'm not even hungry. I just want to eat because it feels good. that needs to stop. I need to get back to eating being about fuelling my body, not about fuelling my happiness (at least not to that extent).

Recently I started noticing that I was gaining weight again instead of just being stuck at that weight that I had put on last year. I do not want to gain any more weight. I'm only about 20 lbs overweight and I feel it in the knees already. I sweat a lot more than I used to. I feel so heavy in general. I am quite short- I do NOT need to be weighing that much. Another thing that really bothers me is that feeling of waking up in the morning and feeling nauseous from what I've eaten the night before.

Over the last few weeks I've realised, I need to change. That lead me to the difficult task of deciding HOW though. I do not think pure calorie counting will work. I somehow need to get back to that more intuitive way of eating with some restrictions though so that I see an effect in my weight. I do not believe in cutting out certain food groups plus simply eating too much sugar/ fast food/ anything like that is not at all an issue for me. I eat pretty healthy, have been vegetarian for years (for ethical reasons, not dietary ones). I just overeat on my meals plus I LOVE snacking.

I saw a woman talk about intermittent fasting as a way not to restrict yourself regarding food groups which I thought was very interesting. It would also solve my issue of feeling nauseous in the morning, because I wouldn't eat that late in the night anymore.

i will have to see how it works, though, which is why I am creating this blog- for myself, to slowly figure out how to make this a sustainable lifestyle change instead of just a weight loss journey. I truly believe if I only set the focus on the weight loss, I will not succeed. I am not disciplined like that. but if I implement positive habits, this will automatically happen.

There are various problems that could come up with intermittent fasting, but I am sure that I will find a way. For example when I come home from uni late and still have to eat. Or when I go out at night and drink. I usually like to eat something in the middle of the night to not get hungover. I will see. and I will post :)