#house of leaves shitpost

[dragonwysper]

Truant moment

Again, colors from @johnnystruant 's commission from DrizzleDrawwgs

[tower-of-hana]

Writing house like this in all my posts so people know I'm one of them.

[smokin-symbiotes]

our house... in the middle of our leaves¹

¹This is a humourous riff on the lyrics to the song "Our House" by the English ska-pop band, Madness. "Our House" is considered a working class anthem, which contrasts the bourgeoisie lifestyle of the Navidson family.²

²Alright, while the music stuff is factually correct it's still a huge stretch to connect the song and the family this way. Sometimes a corny joke is just a corny joke.

[existentialterror]

Fellas, if your story has...

Way too many narrators

Self-aware weird formatting

A metanarrative

Courier font

Meaningful colored text

The story existing as a piece of media within the story itself

A fucked up house

An unreliable narrator

Just way too much about the romantic lives of people who suck

That's not your story, that's

[basil--and--sage]

Uncle Thorin headcanons nobody can dissuade me from, part 1:

(part 2)

he's a big old softie

whenever he gets up from his armchair he grunts like he is 500 years old (it started the second Fíli was born. Dís was horrified)

in the morning he does that weird dad cough thing

if you want something from him in the evening you better hurry. As soon as he's sitting on the couch for more than five minutes he falls asleep

Speaking of sleeping: he's an excellent nap partner. Just plop down next to him and put your head on his shoulder and have a good nap (he usually wakes up with Kíli snoring on his shoulder)

he keeps bitching about the humidity, because that's what gets you, not the heat!

he spends a fair amount of time at home walking around in a ratty undershirt, an old pair of shorts and tattered slippers he denies owning whenever they come up in a conversation

whenever Fíli and Kíli quarrel (like siblings tend to do) he watches in silence, because when he tries to mediate, both of them unite and turn against the poor fool (=Thorin) stupid enough to interrupt them (at least they are not arguing anymore)

his favourite activity is sitting on a bench with Dwalin, sharing a pipe and staring judgingly at everbody walking past them

he snores like a troll and denies it

at home he looses his pipe constantly

in the morning he spends an hour in the bathroom. He doesn't do anything in there, but it's the only time nobody bothers him. He's incredibly offended, when Fíli wordlessly hands him a bag with dried plums one day

he's not only nearsighted, he also needs reading glasses, which he denies. Coincidentally, he keeps having those weird headaches he can't explain. Don't try to point it out, he won't listen.

(tbc)

[mintygreencake]

Sam after leaving his house and joining the Shaw pack security team.

[whimsickool]

Me, listening to The Magnus Archives: why the fuck would you continue to read that book?

Me, post reading the introduction for House of Leaves: I'm no better am I?

[fazgoo-connoiseur-1987]

NEW FNAF GAME FIVE NIGHTS IN THE IMPOSSIBLE HALLWAY WHILE MY MARRIAGE DETERIORATES

[bred-is-a-dumb-name]

Has this been done yet?

[juneibyou]

i like making inflammatory shitposts on the internet

[dragonwysper]

Johnny reading Zampano's manuscript be like

Colors taken from @johnnystruant 's commission from DrizzleDrawwgs

[an-inspired-eternity]

[emgy805]

this is house of leaves right

[gayrobot9000]

whatever. house of leaves famcam

[doomed-jester]

If my house began to expand in impossible ways and spontaneously grow new hallways and rooms I would simply use it as overflow storage. Sorry Navidson family but I'm just built different

[rknchan]

i'm cancelling agatha christie she's a fujoshi who got rid of the woman for getting in the way of her poirot x hastings otp

miss duveen is suffering a fate even worse than mary morstan . imagine youre living with your husband in fujking south america and this mf leaves you every time poirot needs him for a case. youre irrelevant for the plot and hastings probably forgot your name whatever