#horror was pressured to sacrifice himself

[ozkarrzen]

Can we normalize characters being in the wrong

[aakaneeee]

Love is presented in many ways throughout Alien Stage: For Mizi and Sua, it's codependent, romantic to a worrying extent. For Ivan and Till, it's one sided, unrequited, and painful.

And for Hyuna and Luka, it's a curse.

Not only a curse, but one that haunts them. Jacob once told Hyuna to "Forgive yourself", which, to her, was misplaced. She could have forgiven herself. It was Luka who she couldn't forgive. But, in the end, she couldn't fulfill the legacy. She couldn't forgive herself for loving Luka. She couldn't forgive Luka for killing who she loved. And so, what did she do? She passed on the legacy.

The words "Forgive yourself" didn't help her. They built who she was, but in the worst possible way. She couldn't take his words, because she didn't consider herself the culprit, but the one she resented.

She told this curse, "Forgive yourself" again. She told them to Luka, sentence that almost sounded mocking on her lips. She couldn't have died before because she had to keep moving forward, but now, the pressure wasn't on her shoulders anymore.

She loves Luka, of course she does. But she cannot possibly forgive him. She knows he doesn't realize the suffering he inflicts. It's ironic, he's so unbearably smart, solving puzzles in a matter of seconds, but he doesn't know how to take in the real world, and the feelings of the ones around him, the most important 'puzzle' of them all. So, she gives him the biggest dilemma of his life. It's harsh, cruel, messed up in every sense. It's the puzzle she knew he could never solve, because she herself, who knew humanity, couldn't. Hyuna knew Luka loved her more than himself. And Hyuna cared for Hyunwoo more than for herself. Luka killed Hyunwoo, and so, Hyuna repaid him with the same coin, an eye for an eye. With an act that is the ultimate sacrifice, and the ultimate revenge.

As I have said, Hyuna knew the love he had for her, beyond the limits of his own body. She must've known how much her act would destroy his world: a fate worse than death. Her kind tone, telling him to take as much time as he needs to solve the newfound question she has proposed in such an ugly way, appears almost taunting.

And the way she holds him in her arms, purposefully close, and looks into his eyes, makes it just so much more painful. And yet, when she speaks her soul, passes everything she was carrying on her shoulders, over to him, her face is hidden away, buried in his shoulder. She's free. She finally had her revenge. She can forgive him, and then herself, even though the price was destroying him, without building him up again. Leaving him like pieces of a puzzle that never got solved. She's been cruelly betrayed, and she, even more cruelly, fed him his own medicine.

Hyuna is haunted by both Hyunwoo and Luka, similar to how Mizi is haunted by Sua. Hyunwoo brings the horror aspect: the bloodied blouse and head, while Luka has the smile that Sua has in the imaginations. The two people she loved most: the one who couldn't forgive her because she didn't get to apologize, and the one she didn't forgive. It's all so incredibly complex: she hates and loves, she resents and adores. Hyuna can't pick anymore. We're shown that she's such an active person, sociable, loving, having a whole group of humans just like her, and yet, we're told that she thinks all of them are selfish, even if they seem altruistic. She doesn't trust them, it seems it's a facade. In this, Luka and Hyuna are similar, but divided by the fact he wants to conceal his emotions, and she wants to make them more visible.

This page, specifically, made me click MiziSua and HyuLuka together. They look scarily alike. The same lovey-dovey expression, versus the distressed one of the lover, even the slight glow that Luka has is similar. I think this is meant to show that they still depend on each other, despite the fact that Hyuna seems to resent him so much.

Hyuna says Luka doesn't know the meaning of love. That the only thing he's ever shown, the only thing he genuinely knows, is suffering, and that his abilities basically stop at inflicting the same. (At least, emotional ones.) This is a parallel to Ivan, in my opinion, who didn't know love either, but he liked the idea of it. Instead, Luka loved with everything he had, even though he had no idea what it truly was. His love is obsessive, and somehow, so impossibly innocent at the same time. Because in a way, he's still a child. When he sees Hyuna, he becomes immature again, his facade of control dissipating into thin air. He mocked Mizi for her inability, but he's even worse.

According to his ear monitor, his heart was beating out of his chest. He could hear his own erratic heartbeat. It's painful, how happy he was, how excited, to be in her arms again. And yet, despite the love, the embrace was just as much of revenge.

Ever since Wiege, we've seen Luka smile so much. Just for him to never truly smile again.

I am a fan of the gentleness that Hyuna treats young Luka with. She seems awfully attached to the image of that innocence she knew. But it's not like Mizi's idea of Sua, the perfect one. It's an image she can't bear seeing again. "I couldn't stand seeing myself on those posters, because I knew exactly the face the you'd have. Yes, I bet you were smiling ear to ear." We've only seen him like this for the first time, but to her, it was so familiar, even years apart, she still knew.

Another thing I have noticed is that Hyunwoo's grave is right infront of a tree, almost separated from the others, just the way Luka was sitting before Hyuna found him. Now, this time, Hyunwoo lost Hyuna, and he's forever forced to be lonely in the garden he'll never grow out of.

Hyuna wanted to give Luka a rubik's cube he wouldn't be able to solve, something difficult. A rubik's cube can represent human nature, who Luka seems to have mastered completely. But Hyuna finally manages to postpone him: the puzzle is herself.

And in the end, after Hyuna's body goes limp, he finally manages to take her in his arms. He promised that there, she'd be safe, but he didn't manage to keep her that way. And suddenly, the words "My Savior" from Ruler of my Heart are awfully true.

[sluttsumu]

DOUBLE TROUBLE

.ೃ࿐ feat. atsumu + osamu miya

in which: the twins have a little bet, and you’re their next target. who can make you cum the most on halloween night without anyone knowing, keep quiet virgin or you’ll get caught.

warning: 18+, college!au, fratboy!inarizaki, oblivious!reader, non+ dubcon/peer pressure, threesome, corruptive thoughts, misogyny (?), manipulation, drugs (molly), vaginal fingering, vaginal penetration, unprotected, petname: angel, oral (f!receiving + m!receiving), virginity loss, exhibitionism + voyeurism, implied orgy (with suna), sunaosa TEASE, they’re sleazy hoes. wc: 2k

ೃ࿐ ki’s note: this is fic was supposed to kickstart my kinktober series. i hope you love this as much as i do because i had the best time writing it! in my mind it’s still october 😭 divider: @cafekitsune

two devils, one angel, and fate. being a virgin sacrifice wasn’t necessarily on your halloween bucket list for this year.

— ♡︎ —

“can’t think of anyone to bring ‘samu ?” atsumu piqued, osamu is supposed to be the smart one.

the infamous twins had been thinking for some time on who to invite to their annual halloween party.

there were plenty of guests, but they needed someone special for the night.

atsumu’s fucked half of the bimbos from his fan club, meanwhile osamu was never satisfied with any of his groupies.

“well,” he starts. “i have an idea.” the light bulb in his head flickered before finally going off when he thought of the perfect girl. the dainty little college freshman whom he sees walking around campus all dolled up.

“who’s that girl that we always see with sunarin?” he ponders, in attempt to remember your name. atsumu’s eyes lit up when he realized. he knew exactly who his brother was talking about.

osamu really was a genius.

“y/n..” his tone was unsure, but curious nonetheless. osamu shot a finger gun “bingo.” indicating that his atsumu was right on the money. they paused, staring at one another as if they were reading each others minds. twin telepathy surely was a blessing. if they were both thinking correctly it seems like they’ve got a target.

*incoming facetime from; suna rintaro*

“yes suna?” you answer holding the phone above your face. “what’re you doing tomorrow?” the abrupt question never threw you off anymore, it was common for suna taking you on all kinda of spontaneous adventures on and off campus.

“ ‘m not doing anything, gonna watch horror movies and eat candy.” suna eyed you feigning disgust, what lame plans. “absolutely not..” he scoffs, “the twins invited you to their party tomorrow and you’re going.” the miya twins were mutual friends and have been known to throw some awesome ragers from time to time, how could you decline such an offer?

“i don’t have a costume???” honestly you were trying to find any excuse possible to lessen your chances of coming home wasted on halloween night. but suna had a solution to everything, even this. “wear white, i’ll sort out the rest.” he hung up after the condescending message, leaving you to piece together his surprise.

white, the colour of purity and innocence. nothing is innocent about a college party, especially because,

halloween was the one night a year a girl could dress like a total slut, and no one could say anything about it.

a firm knock was set on your dorm room door. “let’s go” his eyes fixated as you opened the door. suna mildly regrets not taking up the twins’ offer to join them on their escapade tonight, especially with the way that dress hugs your body. he quickly releases himself from the dirty thoughts.

“okay, what’s my costume? you said wear white.” suna’s hand rises from his side revealing a halo. makes sense why he told you to wear white now. it wasn’t until you took in his costume that really made you understand his choice.

he’s dressed in a red button up, except the buttons weren’t being used at all. the devil horns stuck in his hair confirmed the unoriginal costume idea. a few days back he mentioned matching costumes with the rest of his fraternity, and if you had to see the rest of them like this, than you were sure that attending this party was worth it.

the house was loud, as much as it was crowded, suna’s hand around your wrist is the only thing preventing you from getting caught in the ocean of people.

“sunarin! we’re over here.” pi kappa alpha (ΠΚΑ) was one of seven frats at your university, and was definitely the hottest. pretty, rich boys with the world at their disposal. everyone knew this but that never stopped girls from clinging onto them, after all osamu’s arms and atsumu’s abs— focus!

“ah, you made it.” osamu exclaimed opening his arms for a particularly tight hug. you hugged all of them, each cologne scent different from the last. “mind if we steal rin for a minute? won’t be long, promise.” atsumu’s tone of voice couldn’t have been more condescending, talking to you so sweet and saccharin. you nodded, shooting the quintet a small smile, before going to find a drink.

“an angel, cute.” atsumu watched your back was you walked away into a crowd of people. all that clouded his thoughts were all the things he wanted to do to you throughout the night. “get yer head intha game. what are the rules?” osamu chuckled, it was no doubt that he was having the same thoughts as his brother. that’s for sure.

“ ‘ts 10:30, whoever can make her cum the most before midnight first wins. unless you fuck her that is.. she’s a virgin so if you manage to to take her virginity you automatically win. get caught and you have to restart.” the night is young and the rules were set, but there was one question unanswered, whats the prize for a game such as this?

money of course. sex and money have been interchangeable for as long as mankind can remember, no difference here. a thousand dollars put up by each member, totalling to five thousand. winner takes all, loser gets nothing. may the best twin win.

atsumu wasted no time following you to the kitchen hearing the laughs from his friends behind. unfortunate for him bokuto caught your attention a little too quickly. he watched the two of you laugh and introduce yourselves to one another. it wouldn’t go on for much longer, not if atsumu could help it.

“bo-kun! do me a favor would’ya?” he said, slinging an arm over your shoulder. “get some more ice for the cooler, ‘ts intha basement.”

in boy world, this was a territorial interaction meaning; get the fuck out of here.

meanwhile in girl world, you didn’t think anything of it.

bokuto cheerfully agreed uttering “nice meeting you!” before sliding past the crowd of people to go fetch that ice.

“cute costume miya.” you look up to see him above your shoulder. he unhooks his arm from your side, leaning up against the counter. “not too bad yourself. you look,” he pauses for a mere few seconds. thoughts of you and how innocent you look plagued his mind, costume doesn’t help either. something in him was excited to taint that, you’d look so much prettier with your makeup smudged and begging him to make you cum, he thought.

“pretty,” he smiled, eyes shifting around your lips, and neck then back to your eyes. “you look really fucking pretty.”

“nights still young, you like games?” you tilted your head at the question. a suspicious question but how could anyone say no to him. “dependsss..” you drag out the word, tone laced with hesitation. this was all one big game, that you unfortunately didn’t know you were apart of, throwing another in the mix couldn’t hurt.

“how do ya feel about suck and blow?”

—♡︎—

suna forcefully offered up kita’s amex for the game, safe to say that he’s not happy about it.

the game rules were simple; suck and blow, on a card that is. pass the card mouth to mouth without dropping it. drop it and make out with the next person in front of everyone and spend an additional 10 minutes in an enclosed space. sounds easy right? it wasn’t a pi kappa alpha party without this tradition, they have a separate room dedicated for games such as these.

you watched intensely as the card made its rounds over and over you successfully received and passed it on. you were also standing between atsumu and bokuto, yikes! the card was making its way back around and like before it was just a matter of sucking and blowing, until you were locking lips with one of the hottest guys on campus. atsumu ‘dropped the card’ by accident, catalyzing the makeout sesh between the two of you.

it’s hot, it’s sloppy, it’s fucking miya atsumu.

you feel his smile on your lips as he slips his tongue in between yours, aiming for your bottom lip. the whooping, and whistling among the group was enough to encourage the egotism within you both to put on a nice show for everyone. your nails intertwining in his undercut, while his arms hug your waist.

“okay okay,” kita pushes, removing the two of you off of each other. “10 minutes, you know the drill.”

the frat brothers exchange a glance, one of many kita has shared with his little since atsumu started college.

the amount of girls that have survived that room, godspeed.

hearing the door close behind you was almost frightening, even after the spectacle you put on for everyone just now. it wasn’t until you took a few steps in you noticed this is a bedroom, not your average stuffy coat closet.

“suna teach you to kiss like that or what?” he teases, watching you stare at him in disbelief. “can’t believe he hasn’t fucked you yet.”

guess i’ll be the first, he thought.

suna? fucking you? confusion was an understatement really. unbeknownst to you they all thought you were sunas secret fuck buddy till he told them you were untouched.

atsumu almost forgot, and the realization ran through his blood with pure mischief. he was ready to get his hands on you and play with his toy of the night.

“let’s have some fun, yea?” he quips, walking towards you. “fun like what?” unintentionally you take a step back, the two of you flowing in a seamless b-line towards the bed as he goes forward and you go back.

“you’re a big girl right? in college now. ya know what big girls do?” his tone was informative signalling that there’s more to his mini monologue. “big college girls…kiss, and suck, and fuck boys.”

the smooth of your calves hit the sheets.

“a-atsumu i’m—” you’re a stuttering mess, and he finds it adorable.

“you’re what?” he mocks, lifting his voice up an octave to replicate you. it was only a matter of seconds before you were pushed onto the bed with his body caging yours beneath him.

it was all happening so fast, it’s not that you didn’t want to but this has never happened before. being stuck in a room with a guy especially an experienced one was never on you to-do list for today.

atsumu’s done this to many girls. he’s used to fucking bitches every week and you were no different. he never looses and he’s damn sure nothing will change that tonight.

“i’ve never done this before…” shame drowns your conscience as you confess what you thought was a secret. little did you know, he knew.

“s’okay,” his lips pecked against your jaw lightly, he could feel how tense you were but curious as well. “just wanna make you feel good, hmm?” you could feel atsumu’s hand creeping between your thighs though his eyes never leaving yours. this look on your face, the look of a virgin, never gets old for him.

the inquisitive look of “maybe it’s not so bad” staring back at him as he pulls your panties to the side running his fingers along your wet folds. you didn’t protest, or squirm, or defy, you just laid there beady eyes staring, legs spread for him awaiting his touch.

simultaneously, his fingers slide into you with ease while sharing a kiss to keep you quiet, earning a soft moan onto his lips. your body can’t help but concentrate at the foreign feeling of someone else other than yourself fingering you. “ahhh—! s-slow down ‘tsumu, too much!”

“no can do angel, got a lot ridin’ on ya.” completely dismissing your feelings, he continues to pump his fingers into your leaking cunt. “hurts..” you whine. “atsumu it hurts!”

“don’t lie ta me pretty, i can feel you clenching ‘round me.” your face flushed at his words, fluttering around his fingers. besides the slight discomfort it felt so fucking good, you really couldn’t get enough of it.

the humiliation you felt hearing the lewd squelching of his digits fingerfucking you was apparent. you watched in awe as he sped up, arm now jackhammering in and out of you at an ruthless pace. “fuckfuckfuck!” you cry, eyes brimming with tears.

atsumu traps your lips in a messy kiss, tasting a mixture alcohol on each others tongues. whines and whimpers escape fall from your lips onto his at the feeling of the coil in your stomach about to break. the euphoria that overcomes your body when your legs begin to tremble, thighs squeezing around his hand, your virgin cunny covers his fingers in sticky cum.

but his assault on your pussy doesn’t stop there, he’s still going; fucking you through your orgasm. “can’t stop there, you can give me another one baby, know you can.”

“no! c-can’t take it! i—” his hand quickly cups around your lips, muffling any sound that dares to come out of your mouth. time’s almost up and atsumu would throw more than a fit if he got caught and had to restart already.

he could feel it again, your pussy clenching around his fingers. atsumu continued at his gruelling pace, with a slick smile on his face. It was so cute seeing you like this, half an hour ago you walked into this party as an innocent little thing, and now he had you exactly where he wanted you — under him with his fingers buried inside of you, on your second orgasm.

“cumming… ‘m cumming—!” you mumble under the weight of his hand, eyes fluttering shut. “atta-fucking-girl angel.” your chest heaved and knees buckled while you creamed on the blondes fingers once more this time at full force, making you see stars before he pulled out of you.

“wasn’t so hard now was it?” he smiled sucking your slick off of his fingers. atsumu is now leading by two points and cocky was an understatement, he can feel himself growing hard watching your body go limp against the sheets. if he had the time, he’d take you right then and there but there was always an opportunity for that.

“make yourself decent before you come out.” was the last thing he said to you, chuckling while the door clicked shut behind him.

get yourself together! the sound of your own voice mentally cursing you was enough to spring you back to your feet, pulling your dress down, and fixing your hair. luckily for you, everyone continued their conversations, dancing, and games as you crept out the room exhaling heavily with relief.

a few eyes lingered, especially kita’s. he peered at you from afar, while atsumu whispered in his ear. he raised the red solo cup with an upward tilt of his head before smirking in your direction, taking a sip from the cup.

frat boys are just the equivalent to mean girls.

hell, it hasn’t even been five minutes and he’s already going around telling everyone. you couldn’t bare to see it really, causing you to relocate somewhere else in the house, the stairs.

you sat on the wooden steps, eyes glued onto your phone screen. the feeling of someone walking down was evident as the hardwood took a dip at the weight, it was osamu.

he pondered, swirling the liquid courage in his hand. how could he get you on his white linen sheets? he thought. osamu smirked at the idea that popped into his head soon after remembering the common denominator between his bed and that dress you’re wearing.

starring at your back from a few steps above, his eyes moveded to suna who was situated mere meters away from where you sat. he feigns tipping his cup, eyes pointing down to where you sat then back to the brunette.

it was genius, if he ruins that pretty little dress of yours you’ll have no choice but to take it off.

“do it.” suna mouthed covering his words with a cupped hand.

the weight of someone walking down the stairs returns after having paused, you didn’t think much of it until alcohol poured down your shoulder and into your bra from above you.

“sorry angel! that was my bad.” osamu quips, downing the rest of his cup.

“you’ve got to be kidding me..”

“relaaax,” he drawls before reassuring that “you can come change up here.”

—♡︎—

osamu scanned his closet looking for one of his old flings’ clothes murmuring, “no-no-no-too big-too small— damn i should call her..” as he looks through the assortment of clothing.

you waited on his bed partly disgusted at the fact that these clothes were equivalent to trophies.

“check that drawer ta’ your left for something.” he gestures a waving hand, pointing to the side table next to his bed.

the drawer was less then helpful, containing: condoms, an agent provocateur set (brand new, mind you), a bottle of dior sauvage, and a miniature plastic bag with two smiley face pills in it.

he has drugs just laying in his room?

“what’re these?” prodding at the drugs you ask, dangling the bag between delicate fingers.

he turns to face you, smirking when he sees what caught your curiosity. “a pretty girl named, molly.” osamu banged a girl with that name now that he thinks about it.

“you guys seriously take these?” eyes narrowing at the tiny pill analyzing it’s appearance, but wanting to know more at the same time. “are they fun?”

osamu closes the closet door, leaning against the frame with his arms crossed. his attention is focused elsewhere when you display genuine interest in the party drug.

“wanna find out?” he asks with the tilt of his head.

fuck around and find out was an understatement, getting fucked after finding out was more accurate really.

“fuuuuck ‘samu..” your manicure runs through silver hair, as he messily laps at your cunt.

every flick of his tongue making your knees buckle, the pleasure was overwhelming your lower half as he teased your clit with the tip his tongue.

you couldn’t get over how good it feels, what was the point of staying a virgin when there’s men who will pleasure you like the miya twins.

“pussy tastes s’good princess.” he mumbles onto you, sending vibrations up your spine, continuing to eat you like you’re his last meal.

he could feel now eager you were to get off, grinding yourself against his face in hopes to chase the orgasmic high that your body was so close to.

the loud noises of his mouth smothered against your pussy and broken whimpers fill up the room.

loud enough for suna to hear through the bedroom door he’s standing on the other side of. he could feel his erection growing, listening to his best friend taint his virgin girl bestie on the most sinister night of the year.

“righthererighthere! ‘m cumming— oh fuck!” the euphoric feelings of the drug in your system enhanced every last nerve running through your veins.

you’re loud, high pitched whines falling from your throat as you throw your head back, eyes shutting tight.

osamu’s face pushed into your cunt with force, nose nudging at your clit. little did the two of you know, the brunette purposely walked into the room with you on the verge of a mind blowing orgasm and osamu’s mouth quite busy.

“you cumming?” suna asks, gripping your face with slender fingers.

your eyes shoot open to see one of his hands planted on the back of osamu’s head pushing his mouth deeper into your pussy, the other holding your face, taunting from above.

“oh yea, you’re fucked.” he taunts, pushing your lips into a kissy face forcefully moving your head from side to side, observing your features.

suna’s done his fair share to know you weren’t all there, your dilated pupils, flushed face and very vulnerable state gave it away.

“don’t be shy, go on. might be ‘samu going to town on ya but your attentions on me, hmm?”

seeing you tweaked out on the verge of your third orgasm of the night really did it for him.

it was torture, watching and hearing the twins have their fun with you meanwhile he had to watch.

absolutely no fair. he’s the reason you even considered coming to the party at all it wouldn’t be all that bad if he used you as a reward for his efforts, now would it?

“rin!!” you whine, “get out! this is embarrassing!”

suna doesn’t bother listening to your protest. he’s already slid his shirt off, unbuckling his belt watching osamu make you cum.

“move it.” he chuckles, tugging at grey locks.

“hey, i had her first.” osamu scoffs at his friends audacity.

“technically atsumu had her first, but it’s my turn. so, are you gonna keep bitchin’ or get your dick sucked while i fuck her?”

the two boys spoke as of you weren’t even there, like you were just an object for them to play with. this wasn’t about the bet anymore. this was about you, and the fact that they’d never get the opportunity to see your tweaked out, legs spread, off molly ever again.

a once in a lifetime opportunity with you in a position to not protest.

suna’s shadow hovered over you, manipulating your body to fit both of them on osamu’s mattress.

hazy eyes stared into his green ones with incoherent mumbles falling from your lips. seeing you fucked out made him want it that much more.

“hang in there for us pretty.” his voice sounding so sincere, meanwhile rubbing the tip of his cock along your slit.

he pushes into you without warning, stretching your cunt around his girth.

“shit..” he hisses through his teeth. “definitely a virgin, fuck.”

“ah—!” your hand flies to his chest in attempt to get him to slow down. “s’too much..”

“none of that,” osamu coos, grabbing your wrist.

you didn’t even notice that he slid his boxers off, smearing precum on your lips like lipgloss.

“hey ‘samu where’s the—” atsumu says, swinging the door open to the lewdest live scene he’s ever seen. “holy hell.”

“are you gonna stare or join?”

sluttsumu 2023

[nellasbookplanet]

Book recs: cosmic horror that would appal H.P. Lovecraft, part 1

From the vast void of space and other dimensions to the suffocating pressure of the deep ocean and subterranean caves; aliens and fish people and eldritch gods; madness and seeking to make the unknowable known: lovecraftian and cosmic horror comes in many shapes.

If you're anything like me, you go wild for this shit, but also think the genre's namesake can go fuck himself. Thankfully, many writers have embraced the genre over the years, and a great deal of them have eschewed Lovecraft's bigoted ideas. Here is a selection of cosmic horror that would've appalled Lovecraft and delights me. These are books about and by queer people, women, disabled and neurodivergent people, and people of color; books that ask you to sympathize with (and perhaps even romance) the monster; books that re-imagine Lovecraft's own myhtos into something less hateful yet still genuinely scary. Enjoy!

For details on the books, continue under the readmore. Titles marked with * are my personal favorites. If you want more book recs, check out my masterpost of rec lists!

Winter Tide by Ruthanna Emryss*

Aphra and her brother are the only survivors after the government raided their home, Innsmouth. Their only living family are the amphibian people of the deep, whom they will one day join, but until then they are bound to land where they struggle to build new lives for themselves after the great loss of their home and loved ones. Then rumors start to spread of a russian agent seeking dangerous and ancient magic, forcing Aphra to involve herself as they try to stop it. Does contain horror elements but is generally a much more optimistic look on cosmic horror than most lovecraftian stories, told from the perspective of one of his monsters. Lots of focus on found family and rebuilding of community and fairly light on plot, but also unflinching in its portrayal of real as well as cosmic horrors.

Providence Girls by Morgan Dante*

Sapphic horror re-imagining of several of H.P. Lovecraft's works from the point of view of the women sidelined as victims in the originals. Forced to abandon her not-quite-human children to escape a cult seeking to sacrifice her, Lavinia nearly dies from exposure in the woods. She's saved by the prickly Asenath. The two women find themselves growing close as Lavinia regains her strength. But Asenath's own dark past is catching up, as she too begins to transform into something not entirely human. Beautiful and unsettling with heavy body horror as well as more human horrors such as emotional and sexual abuse.

The Shape of Water by Daniel Kraus & Guillermo Del Toro*

In 1960s America, Elisa works as a cleaner in a government facility when a strange fish man is brought in to be studied. An immediate connection sparks between the two, but his time is running short as plans are to vivisect him. Alongside her colleague and her reluctant neighbour, Elisa must find a way to save him before he's laid under the knife. Less horror than most books on this list, The Shape of Water is nonetheless a beautiful romance about embracing (and being) the other in a world that wants you gone. If you like the movie, you likely also enjoy the book.

Otherside Picnic by Iori Miyazawa

Sapphic, surreal and episodic horror vibe. Following the directions of an urban legend, university student Sorawo finds her way to a reality populated by horrifying creatures from ghost stories and modern urban legends which induce fear and madness in those who interact with them (of which I’m sure you’ll recognize many). Here she teams up with fellow explorer Toriko, both to find out more about this strange world and to help Toriko find a missing loved one. Also available as a manga and (one season of) a pretty middling anime.

Meddling Kids by Edgar Cantero

Sapphic, horror with adult and genuinely scary scooby gang vibes. Once, Andy, Kerri, Nate, Peter and their faithful dog were known as the Blyton Summer Detective Club, until they hit their fateful final case in 1977. Now, the year is 1990, and the group hasn’t gathered in years. Tomboy Andy is wanted in at least two states; Kerri, former kid genius, is tending bar; and horror nerd Nate is in a mental institution in Arkham. At least he still has the company of jock-turned-movie star Peter - except Peter has been dead for years. Now they must all come together to find out the truth of what happened all those years ago.

Where Black Stars Rise by Nadia Shammas & Marie Enger

Graphic novel, inspired by The King in Yellow. Dr. Amal Robardin, Lebanese immigrant and a therapist in training, finds herself in over her head when assigned her first client. Yasmin is a schizophrenic suffering from nightly terrors that seem all too real, and when Amal fails to give her the support and answers she needs, she disappears. Desperate to fix things, Amal goes racing after her - and ends up in a world of eldritch nightmares, more real than she ever imagined.

In the Shadow of Spindrift House by Mira Grant

Novella. After Harlowe's parents were killed by a cult, she was sent to be raised by her grandparents. There she ended up becoming part of a group of teen detectives. As the group grows up and starts splintering into adulthood, Harlowe decides to find them one last mystery to solve: the secret of Spindrift House, a manor of murky origin, surrounded by dark mystery. Entering the manor, the group is eager to solve its secrets - but Spindrift House isn't one to give them up easily.

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle

Novella. Re-imagining of one of Lovecraft's stories. Tommy is a hustler struggling to get by; when the elderly Robert Suydam hires him to play guitar at a party, Tommy is quick to agree. But Suydam is seeking something vast and Outside our reality, inviting Tommy to take part. Meanwhile, private detective Malone repeatedly harasses Tommy and his family in his hunt for proof against Suydam's activities. A bleak look that puts the apathy of eldritch gods against the closer-to-earth evil of human bigotry.

Sawkill Girls by Clair Legrand*

Young adult. The isolated island of Sawkill Rock has secrets. It hosts the legend of a local monster, and the very stark reality of decades of girls going missing, never to be found again. Now, three girls stand at the center of the horrific mystery. If only they can come together, perhaps they can save future generations of girls from a monster that may very well be real. Asexual and sapphic main characters, including a sapphic romance. Not as heavy on the cosmic horror as other titles on this list, but the monster certainly leans hard into it.

Blindsight by Peter Watts*

Vampires, post-humans, aliens, and questions on the nature of consciousnesses, oh my! A ship is sent to investigate the sudden appearance of an alien vessel at the edge of the solar system, but the crew isn’t prepared for the horrors awaiting them. Because the aliens are intelligent, but they are nothing like us - to them, we may be nothing but a mistake to be wiped out. No, seriously, this book will fuck you up, highly recommend if you’re okay with a lot of techno babble and existential horror.

The Scourge Between the Stars by Ness Brown

Novella. After having failed at establishing a new colony, starship Calypso fights to make it back to Earth. Acting captain Jacklyn Albright is already struggling against the threats of interstellar space and impending starvation when she´s thrown a new danger: something is hiding on the ship, picking off her crew one by one in bloody, gruesome ways. A quick, excellent read if you want some good Alien vibes.

The Outside by Ada Hoffmann*

AKA the book the put me in an existential crisis. Souls are real, and they are used to feed AI gods in this lovecraftian inspired sci-fi where reality is warped and artificial gods stand against real, unfathomable ones. Autistic scientist Yasira is accused of heresy and, to save her eternal soul, is recruited by cybernetic ‘angels’ to help hunt down her own former mentor, who is threatening to tear reality itself apart. Sapphic main character.

Shards of Earth by Adrian Tchaikovsky

Not too long ago, Earth was destroyed by the Architects, alien beings of massive proportions who seemed hardly aware of humanity's presence as they reshaped our entire planet into a twisted work of art. In their defense, humanity created super soldiers able to communicate with the enemy where no one else could. At once, the Architects disappeared without a trace. Fifty years has since passed, and Idris, one of the soldiers, has neither aged nor slept since, working on a freelance salvage vessel. But when he and his crew stumble on a sign that the Architects may be returning, they must embark on a race to find out the truth.

The Stars are Legion by Kameron Hurley

Zan wakes without memory, a passenger aboard one of the living world-ships of Legion, a fleet of decaying generations ships. Told she’s the salvation meant to free them from the fleet, Zan is flung head first into a brutal and bloody conflict. This book fucked me up when I read it. It’s weird, it’s gross, there’s So Much Viscera, there are literally no men, it has living spaceships and biotech but in the most horrific way imaginable, where humans are nothing but part of an ecosystem that cares little for their well-being. Had I to categorize it I would call it grimdark military sf. It’s an experience but not necessarily a pleasant one.

Empress of Forever by Max Gladstone

Sapphic. Vivian Liao is a highly successful innovator, but she may have bitten off more than she can chew and fears the government may be coming for her. As she goes into hiding, she attempts to pull off one last stunt that could fix everything - but something goes wrong, and suddenly Vivian finds herself waking up in the far future, under attack by an army of robots in space. Hoping to find her way back home, Vivian must assemble a crew of dangerous outlaws to help her hunt down the Empress of Forever, the all-powerful entity who pulled her into the future. While overall a space opera in genre, Empress of Forever also features a cosmic horror threatening the entire universe.

Solaris by Stanislaw Lem

1960s Polish classic, more existential and philosophical than horror, with an exploration of how we may never understand the nature and motives of a truly alien mind. Arriving on a station orbiting the planet Solaris, Kris Kelvin is meant to study the strange, possibly sentient ocean that covers its entire surface. But the effects of the ocean are far reaching - Kelvin finds the crew of the station secretive and unstable, and is shocked to wake one day to the embodiment of a long dead lover. Was it created by the brain-like ocean, and if so, why?

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling*

Possibly one of the most unsettling and claustrophobic books I’ve ever read. Gyre, a caver on an alien planet, ventures into the dark and dangerous underground, guided only by her handler, a woman who has no compunctions on using and manipulating Gyre as she sees fit to obtain her own secretive goals down in the caves. Alone iton the dark, Gyre must struggle to keep hold of her sanity. Sapphic in the messiest of ways.

Levithan Wakes by James S.A. Corey

Jim Holden and his crew are ice runners in a system on the brink of war, tension rising between the inner planets and the inhabitants of the belt. When the crew comes across an abandoned ship, they come into possession of a secret that may light the spark of war. Crossing their path is detective Miller, searching for a missing girl tied to the mysterious ship. More dangerous than even impending war is the truth behind the girl's disappearance, leading to a secret billions of years in the making. It has slept for longer than humanity has been aware, but now, it is waking up. It has a job to do, humanity be damned.

Annihilation by Jeff VanderMeer

For decades, Area X has been completely cut off from humanity. The only ones to enter are small organized expeditions, many of which never return, or return… wrong. We follow the latest expedition, its participants known only as the anthropologist, the psychologist, the surveyor, and our narrator, the biologist. As they enter into Area X to try to find out its secrets, only one thing is for sure: they will never be the same again.

Out Wives Under the Sea by Julia Armifield

Miri thought she lost her wife Leah when her deep-sea mission ended in a catastrophe. But Leah was miraculously returned to her - or so it seems. Because something happened down there, deep in the ocean, and whatever it was, Leah has brought it back with her. Surreal and strange, Our Wives Under the Sea will not answer all your questions, but it will give you a unique experience.

The City We Became by N.K. Jemisin

Five New Yorkers find themselves experiencing strangeness as the city itself begins to wake up. They are its soul, its avatars and its protectors, and now they must keep it safe as it wakes and something alien and eldritch attempts to kill it before it’s even fully born. Mix of sci-fi, supernatural, and lovecraftian horror. Multiple pov characters of varying queer identities. Tries to bite off a bit more than it can chew but is also very inventive and unique.

The Gilded Abyss by Rebecca Thorne

Sapphic. Nix Marr is a soldier and damned good at it, but that doesn’t prepare her for her next mission: bodyguard for Subarch Kessandra, beloved royal and Nix’s bitter ex, as she ventures into the underwater city of Fall to seek the cause of a bloody murder spree and a possible deadly contagion of madness. But Kessandra has enemies, the answers she seeks marking her as a possible threat for the nation’s rulers. On their way in an isolated and enclosed underwater ship, the contagion catches up, and Nix will have to put her hurt feelings aside if the two are to arrive alive. Not quite as scary as it could be, but with some very fascinating lore and world-building.

Beneath the Rising by Premee Mohamed

The only thing extraordinary about Nick Prasad is his best friend Joanna "Johnny" Chambers, genius child prodigy. But when Johnny invents a new, clean energy source, the two are dragged into a race to save the world. The invention has attracted the attention of something ancient and dark, searching for a way into our reality, hoping to rule over humanity. Only Nick and Johnny can stop them, but as rifts between them grow wider and old gods loom nearer, they may not manage it in time. More coming of age and adventure than horror, but does feature an interesting take on elder gods mythology.

Leech by Hiron Ennes*

Unbeknownst to humanity, a sentient hive mind has taken over the entire medical profession to ensure the health of their host species. One of their doctors is sent off to an isolated location where they’re cut off from the rest of the hive mind, only to realize they’re faced with a rivaling parasitic entity of unknown intentions. Leech hands you only just enough information to get by, and whether its historical fantasy, an alternate timeline, or futuristic post apocalypse is hard to determine. It’s spooky and a bit weird and wildly creative, and does some neat things with gender.

Family Business by Jonathan Sims

By the author behind the Magnus Archives. When Diya’s childhood best friend and roommate unexpectedly passes away, Diya falls apart and, among other things, loses her job. When she’s offered a position at Slough & Sons to clean up after the deceased, she sees no other recourse but to accept. Her new job is grisly but important, and Diya starts to get back on her feet - until strange visions of a terrifying man and the dead’s last moments start to haunt her. Slough & Sons are hiding something, and it’s up to Diya to find out the truth. No romance, bisexual main character and trans woman side character.

The Hollow Ones by T. Kingfisher*

After having divorced, Kara moves to stay with her uncle and help him run his museum of curiosities, until one day she discovers a hole in the wall of his house. The hole leads to a strange bunker, and beyond that, a dark and dangerous world beyond her understanding. In the company of a friend, she goes to explore this world, but quickly comes to regret her decision to do so. No romance, major gay character, at once funny and deeply creepy.

Malevolent by Harlan Guthrie*

Lovecraftian horror mystery. Private detective Arthur Lester wakes up in his office, his partner dead, memories fuzzy, vision gone, and the voice of a malevolent entity in his mind. Unable to see, Arthur is forced to rely on guidance from the entity as he attempts to solve the mystery of what it is and where it came from. Is this a book? No. But as someone who reads mostly audiobooks, the difference between a book and a fiction podcast is negligible, and also I love this story and its characters and want all of you to do so too.

[wayward-engineer]

A group of hooded figures watch from high in the trees as a lone lamb picks flowers from the forest floor below.

"Something's off..." An opossum shifts in his perch on a branch. "The crown, where is it?"

The badger on the branch next to him flashes a manic smile from underneath his black hood. "That's the thing! They lost it! They're vulnerable. Grendal, you and me, we can be the ones to finally kill them."

Grendal fidgets nervously with the pick he grips in his hands. "The way I've heard it, they've fought gods Flitch. You think we can take that?"

The badger next to him scoffs, rolling his eyes at a cowardly opossum. "Please. All the power they've ever had, it all came from their fake god. Can a fake god stand up to the might of the bishops?"

Grendal shrinks down into his arms, "Well... no...".

"Exactly. And guess what, they don't even have their fake god's power anymore!" Flitch grabs his compatriot by the wrists, and shakes them, as though he could wring the cowardice out. "They've lost the crown. They're nothing now. Just a little lamb, waiting for slaughter."

"Right," Grendal gives the signal to the others waiting in the tree tops "just a lamb"

Half a dozen warriors drop to the ground below, armed to the teeth with picks, knives and magic of the old faith. The lamb is outmatched and outnumbered, all on their lonesome carrying nothing more than a basket of flowers, and a bag slung over their shoulder.

They hardly seem surprised by their sudden appearance. Stopping in their path, they simply stand there; hands folded in front of them, quiet and relaxed, waiting patiently.

"Just a lamb. Just another sacrifice."

---

Grendal gapes in horror at the carnage around him. Corpses cut to pieces and burned bodies surround The Lamb, blood dripping down the steel of their blade as they stare at him expectantly.

It had all happened so fast; the violence, the killing. He believed himself to be an expert, but how many times has The Lamb danced this dance? Dozens, hundreds of times? How foolish was he to think he could fight that?

Shakey hands raise his pick at the lamb. They don't react. They don't need to. What threat could one fool pose to such an efficient killer?

There is a long, agonizing moment where neither of them move, each staring at the other, waiting for their next move. Eventually, The Lamb begins to step toward the terrified heretic.

Grendal drops his blade, falling prostrate before his target. "Please, spare me! I was wrong! I shouldn't have come after you!"

He hears the sound of hooves on dirt as they approach him, and flinches as they kick his weapon away. "Please..." he sobs "I'm sorry."

Gently, a bundle of flowers and two rolls of bandages are placed before him. "Your friend, the badger, he still breathes." They motion to a body leaning against a tree at the far end of the clearing. "Clean and apply pressure to the wound. Grind the flowers into a paste and lather it on the cut when the bleeding slows. It will stave off infection and help with clotting."

They rise from where they crouched before their assailant. "Work quick, and you should be able to save him."

"...why?" Grendal cautiously brings his eyes to meet The Lamb's. "Why not just kill us?"

Their mouth turns down, and eyes droop to the forest floor. "Because I never wanted to in the first place."

[obeymeshallwedateaddict]

Hello, can you do a angst on which the brothers get into trouble (even Lucifer somehow idk) And they could've got hurt And maybe die, But MC can in and blocked the attempted attack, killing them instead? (Feel free to ignore if u wish)

Okay so this is one.. how do I put it.. hard request to write but even so I managed. (I cried a few times myself) I hope you enjoy it.

Summary: During a fight MC sees that the brothers won't be able to dodge the next attack so you take it instead of them, causing your death.

Contains: Angst

GN!MC x each of the brothers

You can find more of my work here: Masterlist

I was supposed to protect you

Lucifer

Lucifer stood tall, his pride never wavering, even as the powerful foe in front of him unleashed attack after attack. But even he, the avatar of pride, was struggling. You could see it in the way his shoulders slumped, in how his wings faltered with every swing of his sword.

The enemy struck again, and Lucifer barely managed to block the blow, his breath ragged, his eyes filled with a frustration you rarely saw from him. But the next attack was coming fast—too fast. You realized with a chilling certainty that this one was meant to kill him.

You moved before you could think, throwing yourself in front of Lucifer just as the blast connected.

"MC!" Lucifer’s voice was sharp, but there was something else beneath it—panic.

The pain that shot through you was unbearable, but you forced yourself to stay conscious, if only to catch one last glimpse of him. Lucifer’s eyes were wide, his usual calm shattered. He caught you as you fell, his arms around you trembling in a way they never had before.

"Why did you do that!?!? MC, Why??" His voice cracked, and for the first time, you saw Lucifer break. His pride, his strength—it all crumbled in the face of your sacrifice.

You tried to speak, but all you managed was a weak smile before the darkness took you. In your last moments of life you were happy that you managed to save a person you truly loved.

Lucifer stood there with your dead body in his arms. Tears were threatening to fall down from his eyes. He took a sharp breath and with one swift motion he killed all the enemies, using magic. Now the only one alive was him. Him-Lucifer. The Avatar of Pride shedding tears over your dead body, telling you how much he loves you and questioning your actions, hoping you could hear him somehow.

Mammon

Mammon was reckless, as always. He threw himself into the fight with a wild grin, as if nothing in the world could touch him. But you knew better. You saw the cracks in his confidence, the way his movements were just a little slower, a little more desperate. The enemy wasn’t backing down, and Mammon—despite his bravado—was struggling.

And then it happened. The enemy’s strike came faster than Mammon could react. For a split second, fear flashed across his face as he realized he couldn’t dodge it.

Without thinking, you lunged in front of him, taking the hit that was meant for him.

"MC!" Mammon’s voice was louder than you had ever heard it, full of shock and horror.

You collapsed, your body screaming in pain, but all you could focus on was the sound of Mammon’s voice, the way he was suddenly by your side, shaking you, his hands trembling as he gripped your shoulders.

"What the hell were you thinkin'?!" His voice broke, his eyes wide and frantic. "You can’t... you can’t do this! Not for me!"

But you had. And as the world started to fade, you caught one last glimpse of his face, his usual carefree grin replaced with pure, unadulterated grief.

Leviathan

Levi was a wreck, barely holding on as the enemy advanced. His usual confidence in battle was shattered, and you could see the fear in his eyes, the way his hands shook as he tried to summon another spell. He was never good with pressure, and now, with death staring him in the face, he was frozen.

The enemy’s attack was coming, and Levi... Levi wasn’t fast enough.

You moved on instinct, pushing him out of the way and taking the hit yourself. The pain was overwhelming, but the look on Levi’s face was even worse.

"MC?!" His voice cracked, his eyes wide with disbelief as he stared at you. "No... no, this isn’t... this can’t be happening!"

He was by your side in an instant, his hands fluttering uselessly as if he didn’t know what to do, how to fix this. "You... you didn’t have to do that... I... I should’ve... I should’ve been the one...!" Tears streamed down his face, his usual self-deprecation replaced by a raw kind of grief.

You tried to tell him it was okay, but you couldn’t form the words. All you could do was reach for his hand as your vision faded.

Satan

Satan’s anger had always been his greatest weapon, but today, it was also his downfall. He was fighting with everything he had, but his fury clouded his judgment, made him reckless. The enemy saw it, too, and took advantage of it.

The blow came fast, too fast for Satan to avoid.

You didn’t hesitate. You stepped in front of him, the attack landing squarely on you instead.

"MC!" Satan’s voice was full of disbelief, his eyes wide with shock as he watched you fall.

He was at your side in an instant, his hands shaking as he cradled you against him. His rage, his fury—it all vanished in that moment, replaced by a desperate grief that you had never seen from him before.

"You shouldn’t have done that..." he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Why did you—" He cut himself off, shaking his head as if trying to deny what had just happened. "I could’ve... I should’ve protected you... not the other way around..."

But it was too late. You had made your choice. And as your vision darkened, you could feel the warmth of his tears on your skin.

Asmodeus

Asmo was usually so composed, always thinking of his looks, his charm, his effortless grace. But now, in the face of danger, all of that melted away. His fear was palpable, and his usual confidence faltered as the enemy closed in.

The attack came faster than Asmo could react. He barely had time to raise his hands in defense.

You stepped in front of him, taking the blow meant for him. The pain was instant, sharp, but the look on Asmo’s face was even worse.

"MC..." Asmo’s voice trembled, all traces of his usual playful tone gone. He knelt beside you, his hands shaking as he touched your face, as if he was afraid you’d break under his touch.

"You didn’t have to do that..." he whispered, his voice cracking. "Why would you...?"

You tried to smile, to reassure him, but the pain was too much. Your vision blurred, and the last thing you saw was Asmo’s face, streaked with tears—tears he usually would never allow to fall.

Beelzebub

Beel fought with a ferocity born of desperation. His brothers were in danger, and he was doing everything he could to protect them. But the enemy was too strong, and Beel, despite his immense strength, was struggling to hold on.

The attack came too fast for Beel to block, and for a moment, you saw the fear in his eyes—the realization that he wasn’t fast enough to stop it.

You moved before you could think, throwing yourself in front of him.

"MC!" Beel’s voice boomed, full of horror as you crumpled to the ground.

He caught you before you could hit the dirt, his massive arms wrapping around you like a shield, but it was too late. The damage was done.

"You shouldn’t have done that..." Beel whispered, his voice so soft, so broken. "I should’ve protected you... not the other way around..." His tears fell silently, his grip on you tightening as if he could somehow keep you here, keep you safe, if only he held on hard enough.

But you knew that nothing could stop what was happening. And as the darkness claimed you, you could feel Beel’s sorrow wash over you like a wave.

Belphegor

Belphegor had always been calm, even in battle. He never let anything faze him, his lazy demeanor masking the sharp mind beneath. But today, that calm was shattered. The enemy was too strong, too fast, and Belphie wasn’t ready.

The attack came, aimed directly at him, and for once, Belphegor didn’t move fast enough.

Without thinking, you stepped in front of him, taking the blow meant for him.

"MC!" Belphie’s voice, usually so indifferent, was suddenly full of panic.

He knelt beside you, his eyes wide with disbelief as he held you. "You... you idiot... why did you do that?"

There was no humor in his voice, no teasing. Just raw, unfiltered pain. His usual lazy demeanor was gone, replaced with a desperation that you had never seen from him before.

"I was supposed to protect you," he whispered, his voice breaking. "I was supposed to..." But he didn’t finish. There was nothing left to say.

And as your vision faded, you knew that Belphie, in his own way, was breaking too.

[54625]

Thinking about the morning crew. How they are all so smart when separate; Tubbo is book-smart, Fit is street-smart, and Pac is people-smart. But when they come together they are so hilariously stupid.

But it's not that they don't lend anything to each other, because while their intelligence may take a backseat, their empathy takes a front seat, and they all express it in different ways.

Fit is the grounding point for Pac and Tubbo. He's sturdy and sure, he's a rock, and he shows his care for them by being there to keep them safe and rein them in when needed. He is the hardest to move; the least outwardly affected by grievance, and can almost always be relied upon to think clearly under pressure. As a victim of a horrifically unstable past, he shows his love by keeping others stable.

Tubbo is a large part of Fit and Pac's motivations. Young and new, he hasn't seen nearly as much of the horrors of the island that the other two have, nor does he have a traumatic past (as far as he knows). He's the driving force behind most of their crazy schemes and plots because he has a zest for the world that the other two have lost. His energy is contagious, and he shows his love by allowing the other two to be young and naïve and free again.

Pac is a safe place for Fit and Tubbo. He's the heart, the emotional core of the morning crew, always there to lift the other two up; be it through genuine comfort, gentle lighthearted teasing, or a bit of flirting here and there (looking at Fit). He will always put others before himself, even when it detriments him, and with Fit and Tubbo it's no different; he'll go out of his way to see them happy time and time again. He'd take a knife to the gut to see the people he cared about smile, and shows his love by doing so.

And they still all help each other out of these habits when they become an issue: Fit will be reminded that bottling up his feelings isn't good for him, Tubbo will be warned when he's putting himself in danger and checked in on when things go wrong, Pac will be firmly reminded of how important he is, how much he matters, and that he doesn't have to sacrifice himself for others every time.

Everyone always talks about how the morning crew's smarts completely vanish when they're together, but never about the fact that their empathy and care completely soar.

[bluebasie]

Loki Season one was not good- The repercussions of turning a character into an idea and product rather than a person.

I haven't posted in..a while..but since Tom Hiddleston was confirmed to be in Avengers Doomsday, I just got thinking about how Loki was going to be integrated back into the story considering the ending of season 2. Like, is the Loki we see in the LOKI series going to make a comeback, is the Loki from the original timeline going to suddenly appear and the audience is going to be told that he somehow escaped Thanos via classic Loki style, or is a new variant of Loki going to show up as a new character? But while I was thinking about this I got sidetracked and now I just want to rant about how the writers of LOKI did the character so dirty and how the character of Loki could be portrayed in further films and media.

To start this off, when I think about the character of “Loki” I think about a character who has always felt different and inferior in his life due both to the expectations and pressures of his people to be something he is not, as well as the obvious difference in race that causes him to be literally different than others. I think about how Loki’s goal his entire life was both to be seen as “worthy” as well as to be accepted as helpful to his family and his people. I think about how he grew up as an Aesir and was surrounded by a society who would often talk down about the Jotuns and boast war stories promoting discrimination against the entire race just to find out that he is the being that children and adults alike would be afraid of. The realization expectedly led to a descent into madness and desperation to “prove” himself as “different” from the “evil and savage frost giants” by destroying the entire race as many of Aesir wanted for eons. I think about how his feelings of rejection and hate for his own biology and place as an adopted child in the royal family as a son and a brother led him to eventually attempting suicide. I think about the innate desire to rule to prove himself as worthy of the role as a royal and a ruler as well as having the contrasting desires to be accepted by his family and to remove them from his life. Overall, during Loki’s arc in the original timeline and cannon pre-endgame, He starts by doing everything to prove himself as worthy among his family members and to play the role crafted for him by Odin before attempting to separate himself from them and play the role of “savage and evil” that many thought he would be due to his heritage before finally acting not out of the roles and wants of others but his own desire to help his people during Ragnarok despite the threat of Hela and the opportunities of Sakaar to craft a life that's truly his, Loki returns to aid in the fight to save the Asgardians and eventually sacrifice himself for a shot for Thor’s survival, not out of an obligation forced upon him, but through the love and care of a brother who he accepts. His story starts by being found and “saved” by Thanos and hurting others to fulfill a role and ends by being killed by Thanos and sacrificing himself for a person he genuinely cared about regardless of a role and obligation.

Keeping all of this in mind, I truly believe that the Writers of LOKI, specifically for season 1, really did not portray Loki in ways that actually showed complex characterization and prioritized his strengths as well as his weaknesses. Season one essentially gives Loki what I call the “Love and Thunder” treatment in which it oversimplifies Loki and overly humorizes him in ways that undermine previous serious characterizations. I also really think that they did not preserve the cannon timeline repercussions in ways that made sense because in the original timeline, Loki essentially learned his entire life was a lie, committed Suicide, fell seemingly endlessly, dealt with the horror of Thanos and the Other, fought a long battle with his brother and the avengers before losing and being taken into custody and essentially told that he is not strong enough to conquer and rule like Odin and yet despite all this, at the start of LOKI, He seems completely unaffected by these events and uncaring like he did not go through constant pain and misery over the last 1-2 years before finding out that nothing matters and he was forced to do everything and he truly has no freedom from the TVA. Despite all this he just accepts the whole situation?? Why is it when he gets the tesseract he just goes to some random dessert rather than maybe one of the many branches in Yggdrasil where he actually has the upper hand or connections that he has built over the past centuries and obviously knows more about but no- he goes to a deserted part of Midgard- the realm he knows virtually the least about and the realm he is currently being hunted for. And then, instead of actually running or making a plan, he just gets on a rock and makes a stupid speech to people who do not understand English. Also, side note, why wouldn't Loki know Mongolian? He's shown to know quite a few languages, and he has the All-Speak in the comics? But whatever. I'm going to skip to the scene after Loki has been taken into custody at the TVA and Mobius is showing him his life film. Overall, I think this scene was very interesting to watch because it basically confronts Loki with his choices in a way that shows the viewers the straightforward reactions Loki has to events in his life in a way that we don't really get to see in the movies. However, I feel like the series kind of just used this scene as a cop out to actual growth made through the movies for Loki. Like this scene could have been better later in the series but the series just kind of has moments like this so they don't actually have to show growth in Loki's character. One major criticism I have about season 1 is that when it actually comes to Loki's characterization the writers just kind of “say not show” it by having Loki just straight up say things about his character for the viewers to watch without actually showing this growth or these characteristics at play. Like when Loki talks to Mobius after viewing his death and when Loki calls himself a narcissist in the Sif loop, we don't actually get to watch any change in Loki's behavior, we just get to watch him talk about himself. It feels both unsatisfactory and like the writers just don't care.

Then there is one of the biggest screw ups that the LOKI series makes: The absolute nerfing of Loki’s fighting and magic. Loki is a god. Regardless of the situation, he has still lived for more than 1000 and spent most of them years studying magic and fighting in battles. Compared to the comics, Loki in the movies is still kind of underpowered compared to his comic counterpart, but even compared to the movies, Loki in the series, specifically in season 1, is absolutely weak and useless. In the Avengers movie Loki goes hand to hand with Captain America and Thor, and he was shown to be quite a competent opponent against the avengers but in the series? Noooo, Loki is pathetic and cannot hold his own in a 10 second battle with Sylvie despite having actual training compared to Sylvie just having to rely on limited resources and teachers in apocalypses. Also, OH MY GOD JUST USE YOUR SEIDR LOKI. like Sylvie was shown to have significantly less magic range compared to Loki yet even she uses her magic more the literal character that this show is named after. Like it is so freaking underutilized. In almost every scene there is something that Loki could do that could turn the tides in a battle but in almost every instance he chooses to do nothing which causes him to lose constantly. We as the viewer see that he still has the ability to do magic in scenes such as when he uses telekinesis to lift a falling building but like- where was this power in any of his previous battles? I understand that there is a budget but like the majority of the budget was being used on useless things. There are so many things in the series that I would be fine giving up to see Loki even have a fraction of the power that he has in the movies.

Then there is the blatant stupidity that Loki expresses through his choices throughout the series. Time and Time and Time again he just makes dumb decisions, and he never tries to do anything. When he is in the Sif loop, he doesn't try to leave, when he is out of the TVA, he doesn't try to attack any of the TVA keeping him hostage despite having his magic back, when he is on Lamentus he just gets drunk and ruins everything. Loki is smart! He is a strategist! Why is he just so stupid in the series! It makes absolutely no sense! Why does he just accept everything at face value? Loki is literally the god of artifice, trickery, mischief, etc. Why does he never try to do anything smart or cunning? Like he tricks Mobius in the first episode by snatching the Tempad but after that it's like he just gives up. It feels like the writers truly did not care about Loki and cared WAY more about the other characters in the series.

Then there is the dumpster fire that is the relationship of Sylvie and Loki. Objectively I love Loki in the Movies and I actually quite like the character of Sylvie in the series and I see her motives. She may not be the most likeable character and she's brash and annoying but at least her character is kinda constant. Like she holds a grudge, wants revenge, and doesn't care about its repercussions long term. It may be annoying but that's just her. However, the relationship between the two does a huge injustice to both characters. Like you're telling me that Loki and Sylvie meet, spend like two days together, argue constantly and are just total dicks to each other, then suddenly fall in love for some reason? Within two days? Also, there's the question of the ethics because they do have the same parents and Dna…(it's weird I know) I can't believe the MCU actually included self-cest in the canon. Like I'm not actually gonna comment on whether it's wrong or not (but it is kinda weird) but even if you yourself do not think it's “wrong”, The character in the show reiterates how wrong and weird it is over and over again. Like it's one thing if the writers just ignored the fact that they are LITERALLY the same person and it's another thing when Mobius calls it a weird and twisted infatuation to Loki’s face and everyone is just okay with it after. Also, Loki says a line later in season 1 that goes something like, "I have betrayed everyone I met but I've changed now,” when talking to Sylvie…BRO NUMBER 1, LOKI DOESN'T ACTUALLY BETRAY EVERYONE HE'S KNOWN, AND SAYING HE DOES REDUCES HIM TO ONE TRAIT AND NUMBER 2, IT'S BEEN TWO DAYS?!?! Then Sylvie tells Loki that he just wants the throne and his response is, “I just want you to be ok..” Loki. seriously. Your ONLY goal of doing anything you're doing is just for Sylvie? You met her a few days ago and instead of fighting for your free will, fighting to go back to Asgard and to your mother and Thor, or even fighting to have any life he wanted. But no, all you care about now is the variant of yourself who doesn't even care about you. It's just depressing to watch ngl. The kiss scene felt sad and undeserved. Their relationship reduces their characters to single traits (can't trust and can't be trusted) and almost satirizes them as people. Also, there is the constant inconsistency of their similarities and differences as variants. One second, they're “completely different” and in the next they are the same. Make up your mind Sylvie. Please.

In my opinion, Season 1 of the LOKI was just not good overall. The essence of the writing turned Loki into a flat, one dimensional, shell of what he once was. This was due primarily to the writers trying to turn Loki into something of a product that an actual person that the show needed to capture to succeed. We see time and time again that his character was not consistent- rather, a weird conglomeration of too many traits trying to take center position at all times. We get a Loki that goes from sad to silly to empathetic to psychotic within mere minutes. It just doesn't work. There were some fun points, and it had A LOT of wasted potential but despite this, Season 2 was a HUGE step up from the horrible place that season 1 left the story. Like it felt like season 1 has a completely self-indulgent story that felt almost like a badly written fanfiction with plot holes, selfcest, a lowkey self-insert love interest, and an awful plotline. It did Loki so dirty in his own show. Despite all this, season two picks up on the disaster of season 2 and brings back so many aspects of Loki that are actually true to his character. HIS CHARACTER. Not anybody else. Thank you season two for actually focusing on the character that we’re all here for. It makes him a bit more powerful. He's smarter. His motives are clearer and fit more for his character. His status as a god was actually real and not just some cruel joke that he had to delude himself into believing to cope, and his choices were overall better. It wasn't perfect. Far from it. But what is? In my opinion it was genuinely good, and you could tell that the writers for season 2 actually cared about the characters they were writing about. Loki is written better, Mobius is written better, and Sylvie is written better. All of the characters are written better, and the character relationships are written better. The characterization is taken seriously. And the story is more interesting and captivating. I was actually really interested in the plot, and I really liked the darker tone it took. Considering the place season 1 left us, season 2 did the impossible and literally redeemed the show and turned a lowkey obnoxious show into one that is deep, thought provoking, and raises Loki, a character who was reduced to nothing in season 1, into one of the most powerful characters in the Mcu. It had a great ending and even the humor was a large step up from the lackluster humor of season 1. I could talk for ages about the implications of season 2 and about what it means for the characterization of Loki and the others (I pretend season 1 didn't happen) but it is safe to say that the writers of season 2 seriously deserve a raise because they kind of saved Loki and a lot of the crap season 1 introduced for the Mcu.

Overall I'm super excited to see the route they take with Loki in doomsday and I'm super excited to see Loki interact with some of the other characters in the Mcu other than the characters in the LOKI series and I really want to see how the reunion between Thor and Loki goes considering it's probably Loki from the series that will be featured in the new avengers film but there is still a chance for the Loki that appears to be a variant of some kind. Regardless, if you have read to the end then I thank you for humoring my criticisms. I still love Loki as a character, and I probably always will and I truly only want him and his story to be taken seriously. (Please Loki fans don't come at me for shitting on season one it wasn't completely awful, just a lot of parts of it were…questionable...) Anyways. If you're interested in seeing me do an analysis on the character of Loki or anyone else in the Mcu tell me cause I would love to talk more about the positives rather than focus on the negatives of the Mcu and I'm also really looking forward to the Thunderbolts coming out and have a lot of good expectations for the film. Some characters I'm super interested in are Yelena, Nebula, Thor and like a ton more characters and I'm probably gonna get into it some other time but for now I think this a good part to end this little rant on. As always if you have any comments on the things I said, please share!

Thanks for reading, and if it's all the same to you…I think I'll have that drink now.

[katakaluptastrophy]

John Gaius:

"I intended for the new Lyctors to become Lyctors after thinking and contemplating and genuinely understanding their sacrifice—an act of bravery, not an act of fear and desperation. Nobody was meant to lose their lives unwillingly at Canaan House.”

Also John Gaius:

Ignored the warnings about how many of the scions were children.

Sent out invitations you really couldn't have refused (how do you say no to god?).

Had the shuttles destroyed to prevent anyone leaving the planet before he wanted them to.

Banned all off-planet communication, with the only radio being one controlled by his priests connecting directly to his flagship.

So...just what did he think was going to happen?

I feel he likes to maintain the illusion, even to himself, that he is a nice and reasonable man. And of course he wasn't making anyone do anything! He was just giving them information! What they chose to do with that information, while trapped on a planet and with him knowing that last time a combination of suicide pacts and peer pressure made everyone acquiesce eventually...well, he wouldn't be responsible, of course...

But what if Cytherea hadn't crashed the party? What if Ianthe had still worked it out and ascended as she did and everyone else just stared in horror and said no? What was the plan...?

[brenhotapplepies]

Seen some stuff about Astrid being problematic in the same breath as praising Essek. I know media literacy is tough, but let’s examine.

How is Astrid problematic and Essek isn’t? They both are manipulative when it’s called for. Both are capable of lying, killing, and other untold horrors. Both are incredibly powerful.

One has had a lonely by choice and privileged life as the weird but useful son of the head of a Den.

One has had their identity stripped from them in a way that combines the worst of cults and the military. Tortured, experimented on, changed in ways we don’t even know the extent of.

One has had the pressure of his Den, his mother, his father, his brother, his whole community pressing on him his whole life. He stepped up into the air and took the weight as if it was effortless. He focused his life on study because it was the only thing that gave him worth in this society and it was genuinely what he enjoyed, whatever enjoyment was for him then. He had access to materials, books, almost anything.

One has had the pressure of her community, her background, in her face as she tried to beat the odds. The expectations for her were nothing, but she said fuck that. She studied with nothing, clawed her way into the venerated halls of higher magic learning. She does everything for the Empire, for Trent. She wants success for herself, because that is what gets her approval, keeps her safe.

One is in a position of power in his society. He has the ability to pull strings. He doesn’t think about how his actions impact his community or really anything besides himself. Sure maybe he wants to find something to impair the religion in the region, but it feels like even that starts out as a quest to prove himself right. His life is largely his own, despite the derision of some.

One is continuously tortured, tested, forced to PROVE herself. Cut her hair, stomp out any resistance to her mentor through any means necessary. Find some solace in their two peers. Made to kill their family to prove themselves based on a lie. She is conditioned to fight because who else will protect her country in the dirty, dark ways she has to? She is trying to salvage her sacrifices into a purpose. Bren is one of those sacrifices.

One kills indiscriminately if they get in his way. The man the Nein dropped off at the peace talks? I still remember how sad it was as he tried to piece together his broken mind, a mind Essek broke to save himself.

One kills for their country. Follows orders, kills when they find it necessary to protect those who cannot protect themselves. This is what she believes.

One GAVE AWAY a powerful religious artifact to HIS PEOPLE’S ENEMY. The intent was purely selfish curiosity.

One helped protect and study that artifact to PROTECT her country. The intent is curiosity to assist in her job, protect her country.

One finds the strength to allow himself to be loved and have friends after years of solitude. Because he just never was so fully loved. He finds the strength to let the ultimate time travel power and the knowledge that he was right go. To become comfortable with time he has left.

One finds the strength to listen to one of the only real, genuine relationships she’s ever had. Her first love. A reminder of her younger, hopeful self. She changes. She realizes the lies she’s allowed herself to believe. She finds the strength to not kill her torturer just to kill him. She finds the strength to testify. To promise that no other kids will suffer. Justice. To become comfortable with the time she has left.

One is a he.

One is a she/they.

I wonder what the issue is.

These characters are two sides of the same coin. They are both INCREDIBLY WELL THOUGHT OUT characters. They are more than just paramours of Caleb Widogast.

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

Christmas Horror Kids Tournament

Because this isn't the Hunger Games, the kids are in competition but not in direct opposition to each other. Basically: there's some big monster/villain threatening their holiday, which of these main characters is not just surviving but is coming out on top the fastest?

Propaganda for each contender (and spoilers for all movies mentioned) under the cut:

Pietari: fears neither God nor death nor army of feral elves. good at keeping calm under pressure and making plans on the fly. carries a gun around the whole movie but never actually uses it, so not sure how well he could shoot. his actor was 11 when the movie came out but I think he's supposed to be a few years younger?

Luke: horrific demon child, zero moral limits so long as he gets what he wants, -5000/10 would not recommend babysitting. extremely good planner, but vulnerable to overlooking small details that ruin him. about 12: very smart but fairly immature for his age. has to be reminded not to kill his competition this time.

Thomas: literally just wanted to stay home and play trains with his grandpa, but now he's got to defend them both from a killer Santa. models himself after action movie heroes and is so good at Home Alone-ing his house that his director tried to sue for plagiarism. about 10-11 years old?

Anna: would be better with her friends to help her, but is pretty damn capable of making it in the zombie apocalypse on her own. not sure exactly how old she's supposed to be, since I'm not clear on how the New Zealand school system works, but she's an older teenager.

Billy: definitely has his wits closer about him than his dad does, that's for fucking sure. does get tricked into creating gremlins, but you know what, who would have expected them to have fucked with his clock? successfully takes on and kills an army of gremlins, albeit with help. probably the oldest competitor here since he's out of high school (?)

Max: definitely willing to go to bat for the Christmas spirit, and to put his own life on the line to protect his family, but is pretty severely lacking in strength or savvy. is good at dodging an army of killer toys, but might not do so well without a bunch of relatives around to also be targets. like Pietari, his actor was 12 but I think he's supposed to be a bit younger.

Trudy: ngl, might be a little weak in solo competition, since she's maybe 7-8 years old and so relies a lot on Santa the one-man army. but she's clever, has exactly zero fear of hardened criminals with machine guns, and is very good at turning Home Alone traps exactly as deadly as they should be.

Winnie: the most Final Girl (TM) out of all the competitors imho. learns very quickly how to improvise and use whatever's handy as a weapon, and while she's also best with a partner to distract an opponent, can handle herself very competently in a physical fight. about 17?

Samantha and Clara: actually, fuck Billy, does Clara even count as a kid at all, being an ancient demon in the form of a child? has telekinetic powers and is good at Breaking Speeches, but is bound by being sealed in the school and unable to kill her enemies herself. Samantha is a pretty normal middle schooler (?), but also has the guts to go face a cult of killers with an axe when she could have run away and saved herself, so don't count her out.

Kevin: is Home Alone a horror movie? no. could I possibly exclude the king, the champion, the future Jigsaw apprentice? also no. smart and absolutely cold-blooded when he needs to be, he's excellent at fending enemies off from a distance, but it's game over for him if he's actually caught.

[bardic-tales]

Day 5 | Lysandra | Day 7

10 Days of Mermay Musings: Day 6

Beneath the shimmer of moonlight on the ocean lies a dark truth: a place where myth breathes, ancient power stirs, and the sea remembers. For Lysandra, that sacred refuge lies far below the waves that is a realm unspoiled, unchallenged, and hers.

In this character deep-dive, we unearth the secrets of her most treasured stronghold, the one dominion on Earth she'd defend with tooth, talon, and blood-soaked song.

Trigger Warnings: abuse, body horror, cult manipulation, drowning, indoctrination, obsession, psychological trauma, ritual sacrifice, violence

Lysandra’s sacred spot lies in the Hadal Trench, a shadowed wound in the Pacific Ocean where sunlight fears to tread and the laws of life and death begin to fray. This is no coral reef paradise. It’s a realm of crushing pressure, pitch-black silence, and creatures too ancient for human memory. Nestled deep within a volcanic vent system lies Thalassonox, a cathedral of living stone formed by tectonic shifts. Here, hydrothermal vents glow like the breath of the Abyss itself, and glowing polyps bloom from obsidian walls like imitations of cathedral stained glass. It is a place of reverence and rage, where she was once reborn on Earth in agony by Asmodeus’s hand, and where her darkest rituals took root.

To Lysandra, Thalassonox is not merely a lair. It is her womb, her altar, and her war room. In the human world, she wears elegance like armor, but here, in the depths, she is stripped of illusion. Her siren form reigns supreme. Every inch of this realm responds to her will. The water bends to her moods. The vent pulses in rhythm with her heartbeat. And those who dare trespass uninvited are flayed not with steel, but with song: a keening lament that drives the mind to madness and drown itself in worship.

Her cultists whisper of Thalassonox like a promised land, though few have ever seen it and fewer still survive the pilgrimage. Lysandra ensures it stays untouched, summoning massive leviathans to patrol its borders and weaving enchantments that twist sonar and sight.

No submarine returns with the same coordinates. The trench defies mapping because Lysandra wills it so. Even Asmodeus himself grants her sovereignty over this place. It is her reward, her burden, and her secret strength.

But this place is sacred not only because of its danger or beauty. It is sacred because it holds her greatest shame: the remnants of the first souls she failed to save from herself.

The bones are of drowned believers, lovers twisted by failed transformations, and victims of her earliest experiments in binding human flesh to oceanic power. Their spirits echo in the vents, not accusing, but eternal, as they are denied an afterlife They are bound by a dark contract to sing harmony to her melody. They remind her of who she was, who she tried to be, and who she will never allow herself to become again: weak. Powerless. Forgotten. Thalassonox is her sanctuary, but it is also her confession booth and her prison.

Should anyone threaten this domain, Bianca, David Moore, even Asmodeus himself, Lysandra would unleash everything she has to defend it. The surface world can rot. Her cult can collapse. But this temple must remain untouched. Because it is the only place left where she is not just Cassandra Blackwood, not just Asmodeus’s weapon, but Lysandra. Siren Queen and Sovereign of the abyss. She will drown the world before letting it be defiled.

[dr-futbol-blog]

Grace Under Pressure, Pt. 3

Captain Hugh Griffin of the United States Air Force decides to give up his life so that McKay might get a fighting chance to live. For sure he is showing that selfless, self-sacrificing Atlantis spirit. But to take nothing away from his sacrifice, the way it happens, although very swiftly, is more than a little strange. For one, he calls McKay "Rodney" and he really has no business using this intimate address for him. There was nothing in their interaction to indicate that they were close like that. There is nothing to indicate that McKay had wanted him to call him anything but Dr McKay. But for some reason, as he decides to give up his life all out of the blue, he changes to this more intimate address. And what he tells McKay while making eye contact with him is even more interesting.

Griffin: Good luck, Rodney! McKay: No, what are you doing? Griffin! Griffin?

Griffin tells McKay "Good luck!" which seems to continue that streak of trying to make McKay feel better about what he is forced to do, to comfort McKay in an extremely dire situation. Now, what makes this interesting is that later on, we have the following exchange between Sheppard and Weir:

Sheppard: We're gonna lose you altogether when we get deeper, so now's a good time to wish us luck. Weir: Good luck, then.

In this same episode, we have Sheppard wanting someone to tell him good luck as he sets out to undertake a potentially very dangerous rescue mission. But what is worse, what is more tragic, is that the way Griffin does this cannot help reminding McKay of the worst moment of his life, of when Sheppard had made the snap decision to save his life without explaining anything to him, without asking him to come along, just walking away from him like what they had built together in the past few months had meant nothing. McKay had not even understood what Sheppard had done until much later but he had gone over this moment in his mind countless of times since then. This is something that featured in his nightmares, and in fact we do find an echo of this, of Sheppard behaving in a dismissive, uncaring way toward him in his actual nightmares in Doppelganger (S04E04).

Sheppard choosing death over him, Sheppard choosing to leave him behind to live while he had planned to give up his own life for him had been an act so cruel and selfish to McKay that he could scarcely reconcile this with the Sheppard he thought he had come to know. He had thought that they had an understanding, that they felt the same way about holding the line together, standing side by side until the end. McKay had discovered that end-of-the-line kind of guy in himself after meeting Sheppard, and he thought Sheppard felt the same way. He hadn't. Sheppard had broken his heart. And now this man who was nearly a perfect stranger to him for some unfathomable reason had decided to do the same thing.

It is not that McKay wants to die. He is grateful beyond words that the man decided to sacrifice himself so that he might live. The question here is, how much of it had taken place out of the volition of one Hugh Griffin? Is it possible for the jumpers to use the neural link to make the pilots -- ones that do not have the actual mental capacities of Ancients -- to do things?

McKay: Why did he do that? Why would you do that?

McKay listens to the forward compartment explode and fill with water, a dawning horror on his face. But he throws a lampshade on this whole situation by asking twice the question of why Griffin had done it. The first is in his high pitched tone that betrays his anguish but the second time is in definite and open anger, and there is so much anger in his response that it has to be spilling out from somewhere other than this current situation. And so what I am speculating in this: because Sheppard's final command to the jumper had been to save McKay by any means necessary even if it cost the others (including himself) their lives, it could well be that the jumper is still trying to accomplish that. And because the pilots are connected to the technology via neural interface, it might be that in this moment it had not been the pilot that controlled the jumper but the jumper that controlled the pilot. That is why Griffin essentially tells McKay what Sheppard would have told him. He is channeling Sheppard's will when they had taken fire on the Olesian prison colony. The way that Griffin does this here is precisely the way we know that Sheppard would have done it, quickly and giving McKay no time to stop him. The softly spoken "Rodney" with eye contact is just icing on the cake.

And now McKay finds himself all alone in a closed space in the dark with certain death bearing down on him by the minute. He starts talking to himself, which he will be doing for the remainder of the episode and although it is again partially for the benefit of the audience, for us to have some inkling of what is going on with him internally instead of just watching a dude tinker in silence for 40 minutes, it also does give us insight into his mental health. He may be doing this in order to keep his focus and to stay functional under extreme pressure but it is clear that what ever he is doing here, he is practiced in doing it. Let us recall that Griffin, although he dies under McKay's watch and is someone whose death now weighs on his conscience, is yet another person it had been his responsibility to save and he had been unable. Griffin was another one in a long list of people on Atlantis that had died because of him. He has had to use his skills at staying functional under duress too much for his own comfort lately.

McKay: Wide open fields. Wide open fields. Wide open fields. You're not stuck in a metal casket under thousands of feet of water. You're in a wide open field. There. Now. Zelenka. Radek? It's Rodney, come in please.

The first thing we may note is that the way he grasps onto the image of wide open fields, imagines them in his mind and repeats the phrase to calm himself down tells us of his long history of being in therapy. This is the kind of tool that is used in various kinds of trauma therapy and not only have we seen McKay use the services of Heightmeyer, seemingly on the regular (they are "seeing each other," after all), it is entirely possible he has been seeing a therapist ever since he was the age of the child in The Sixth Sense, being how he was suddenly reminded of his sister and of his childhood through the film in Letters from Pegasus (S01E17). And given that he has such tools at his perusal, the visualization of a wide open field is not that different from the swirling storm clearing into blue skies that Sheppard had been trying to teach him to meditate with in Tao of Rodney (E03E14), and it raises the question of how much he really needed Sheppard's help to do that and how much he just wanted an excuse to spend some time with him alone. And the visualization seems to work too, he gets his panic and anxiety under control enough that he is able to start thinking about the problem rationally. Cutting off his emotions to be able to do the work is something that McKay is very practiced in.

Second, we see McKay bring up his right hand to press the button on his ear piece and it seems as though the radios are meant to be used by the non-dominant hand. They do not have radios for left handed people to be worn on the right side but the fact that he he brings up his other arm to press the button may be yet another indication that he is a left-handed man in a right-handed world. Further, he starts by referring to Zelenka by his surname and then switches to Radek which just highlights what had happened. McKay has known Zelenka for a long time now and they work in each other's pockets and he still mostly uses his family name to refer to him. That Griffin, whom we heard both McKay and Zelenka only refer to as Griffin, called him Rodney as he gave up his own life for him is more than a little odd.

McKay: Radek? Now, of course the radio transmitter is in the forward section, which is now flooded with water, which means that you have no way to contact the surface, which means that they have no way to triangulate your position. OK, alright. You've been in worse situations... Just because you can't think of them right now doesn't make it any less true. But you're not dead yet.

Here we can see McKay beginning to dissociate. He is not talking to himself in the third person, like he had accused Ford of doing in Runner (S02E03), but instead he talks to himself in the second person. That is to say, he is literally talking to himself and it very much seems as though he has adopted a particular persona to engage himself with that might help him get out of this jam, and this other persona is especially striking in how he changes his tone as he tells himself "But you're not dead yet" with utter confidence. And we may commend him on being able to stay remarkably calm under the situation.

Now, McKay says that he is sure that he has been in a similarly tight or even worse situation before even if he cannot remember if, and it may be due to post-traumatic amnesia that he cannot remember the obvious parallel to this situation. Almost exactly a year ago (if we concede that 38 Minutes (S01E04) works better and makes thematically more sense after the mid-season finale), he had been in a similarly hopeless-seeming situation that he himself had even compared to being in a submarine:

McKay: Anyone else claustrophobic or is it just me? Ford: Why'd you close the door? McKay: So that when the stargate shuts down and the forward section is severed, we're not directly exposed to space. Ford: Will it hold? McKay: Like a screen door on a submarine. I just prefer hypoxia to explosive decompression. It's a, it's a personal thing. Ford: If the air's gonna get thin in here, you really do have to calm down. McKay: Oh yeah? Wait ‘til you see how thin it gets in twenty seven minutes-- Sheppard: McKay... McKay: Vacuum! That's thin. Sheppard: Knock it off. McKay: Oh, I apologise for being the only person who truly comprehends how screwed we are! Sheppard: Don't talk to me about screwed! And let's not give up on Markham and Stackhouse either. There's plenty of time to solve this thing, but you've got to stop using your mouth and start using your brain. McKay: I'm sorry. It's just I react to certain doom a certain way. It's a bad habit and… and… Maybe there's a way to manually retract the mechanism. Sheppard: Yeah, maybe there is.

And the parallels between the episodes also tell us who McKay is talking to himself as now, who he is (once more) using to try to get himself out of this trouble. He knows that Sheppard both has faith in his abilities and wants him to survive, so he is the most natural persona for McKay to adopt when he needs someone to talk to him, to calm him down and give him confidence, to help him keep it together. What McKay is telling himself here is essentially the same as what Sheppard had been telling him then: do not waste time panicking, think your way out of this situation.

McKay: Alright, you can fix this problem -- you just need to... work one step at a time. Now. Gotta find some light. So... Alright. Ha! Light! I have the light! Now...

McKay finds a flashlight and celebrates this small victory but as soon as he is able to see the rear compartment of the jumper in full, he realizes how alone he is in spite of the voice he has been using to talk to himself. Note that in saying "You can fix this problem" and "You just need to work one step at a time" he is telling himself exactly the kinds of things Sheppard would have and has said to him in the past. But upon getting this small victory, he then switches back to first person "I have the light!" In fact, this is the first thing he has said in the first person, as himself, the whole time that he has been here alone. And just as soon as he drops the pretense for a moment, the horror of the situation starts creeping in. Even if he does take this one step at a time, this is a real pickle that he finds himself in.

We may also note the similarity in the premise with the beginning of the previous episode and this. Sheppard was likewise alone in a dark, dank cave and although he tried to keep up his morale, he tried holding on to the thought that no man would get left behind because that is what he had told his people, he too struggled to believe the things he was telling himself. While Sheppard was not confined to the cave like McKay is confined to the closed space of the jumper, he had chosen to stay in the cave as long as possible -- even having lighted his way with fire eventually -- because getting left behind, being abandoned is his deepest fear. McKay is similarly in the dark, cold and dank here and cut off from everyone. But unlike Sheppard, McKay is unable to walk away. McKay is alone and unloved and although he is trying to use Sheppard's voice in talking to himself, somewhere at the back of his mind is the fear that it has all been a mistake. There is something so fundamentally wrong with him that he is undeserving of love, that if people knew who he really is, they would not bother with him. And that is the fear he has to battle during his isolation. The harrowing thought that everyone he knows would actually be better off without him because he is so unlovable.

Continued in Pt. 4

[i-exist-solely-for-fandom]

The patient in House, M.D. s2e11 “Need to Know” (Margo Dalton) is so tragic and we need to talk about it and that episode more.

She raises a daughter, runs a business, is involved in the PTA, volunteers at school, does charity work. She turned to ritalin instead of asking for help; she took birth control while on fertility meds instead of admitting she didn’t want another kid; she got unnecessary surgery to remove half her liver instead of admitting to the meds. She begged Foreman to lie to her husband and say she can’t do any more fertility treatments because of the liver surgery. Before the surgery she asks if she could die on the table. House asks “could you die if you tell him the truth?”

And House seeing Margo’s lies and sacrifices as romantic (if also hypocritical and dangerous) and Wilson seeing it as manipulative…it’s like noooo you don’t understand. she is trapped!!!!!!!! Is she afraid to admit she can’t do it all or is she afraid of the reaction? She says if she keeps up the act eventually her husband will “stop thinking about it and appreciate Stella more”. So, if she admitted she didn’t want children he’d be constantly thinking of it and thinking that he wants it and from what it sounds like, probably pressuring her to change her mind. His desire for another child means that he doesn’t appreciate his current child as much as he could?? And like, in the intro scene Margo is doing a million things—cooking, answering phone calls, getting ready to pick up Stella, and he’s literally sitting on the couch watching TV with his friends. She might love her husband but her husband clearly does not love her enough for her to be comfortable expressing her own wants and needs and not taking on too many responsibilities. Although she’s also not comfortable admitting it to herself. But like… he sees her do all the things she does and it’s implied that he still wouldn’t understand/accept that she doesn’t want another child. She’s trapped. Do you understand. It’s a horror story.

what a fascinating episode. the lengths we go to to keep our relationships. which life do you choose, your truth and the pain that comes with it or the lie that makes everyone happy? How far are you willing to go? What would you risk? Could I die on the table? Could you die if you tell him the truth? Margo would rather cut out her liver than tell her husband she doesn’t want another child. Foreman muses “it’s the perfect marriage, they don’t argue because they don’t talk about anything”. Stacy would lie to Mark and say she just had to work late and go back to that marriage. House says she has already hurt him. She says he won’t be hurt if she doesn’t tell him. Mark basically tells House he knows that something happened between them. You can have a life with me or with Mark; it’s not easy, but it is simple. The first reason we are given for House to tell Stacy to go back to Mark is that Mark is willing to put in the work = Mark is willing to agree to that lie that nothing happened and thus keep his marriage. House is supposedly not willing to take on that large of a commitment. The second reason we are given is by Wilson, who says that House told Stacy to leave because he wants to be miserable because he thinks it makes him special. In this sense, House has a stronger connection with who he views himself to be and is willing to live that lie (that he isn’t willing to put in the work) to keep who he is. and also Cameron is more comfortable with a pretty high likelihood of being HIV-free than getting a test for that last confirmation. Her lie is that 99% is comfort enough, but House makes her get the test and open it.

[lesbian-iphigenia]

Who's is lying?

(First of all, sorry for any bad english or grammar, this isn't my first language, and second of all, this is also my first time doing a essay-like? post so, sorry if it is weird)

At first I was just trying to make an essay about something else in Iphigenia in Aulis (not making it anymore lol) but I realized something that, somehow, had completely skipped my mind before, and that is that when describing Agamemnon's reaction to the news about the sacrifice, Agamemnon and Menelaus give completely contradictory accounts.

Agamemnon tells how he immediately told the herald to make an announcement dismissing the army because he refused to Sacrifice his daughter, and that it was Menelaus who pressured him into sending it

Agamemnon to a servant:

It was then the prophet Calchas spoke to all of us in despair at the weather and urged that my daughter, Iphige- nia, be sacrificed to the goddess of this place. He predicted that if she were sacrificed we would sail and take and overthrow utter- ly the land of Troy. But if she were not sacrificed none of these things would happen. So when I heard this, I ordered our herald, Talthybius, to make a loud proclamation and dismiss the whole army. I would never have the cruel brutality to kill my own daughter! After. that my brother bore down upon me with argu- ments of every kind, urging me to commit this horror. Then I wrote a letter, folded and sealed it, dispatched it to my wife asking her to send our daughter to be married to Achilles

IPHIGENIA IN AULIS Translated by Charles R. Walker

But then, later on the play, Menelaus gives a completely different account of what happened

Menelaus to Agamemnon

Calchas spoke: Sacrifice on the altar Your own daughter to Artemis, and the Greek ships Will sail. At that instant your heart filled up With gladness and happily, in sacrifice, You promised to slay the child. So you Sent willingly to your wife, not by compulsion-you cannot deny that- that she send the girl Here, and for pretext, that she come to marry Achilles. This is the very air which heard These words from your mouth. But then, turning Your mind about, in secret you recast The message.

I was inmidiatly more inclined to believe Agamemnon's version of events, Why? Because it fits more with his attitude through the whole play, he doesn't wanna sacrifice his daughter, but external forces pressure/make him do it, in this case, Menelaus.

But the thing is, in his response to Menelaus, he doesn't contradict or refuses any of what he said, if anything, he accepts it

Agamemnon to Menelaus:

And now-if yesterday I was without wit or wisdom, but today Have counseled with myself well and wisely- Does that make me mad?

Does this mean Agamemnon was lying at the beginning of the play when talking to the old man? What purpose would it serve him to lie, specially to a servant? Why doesn't he contradict Menelaus argument if he wasn't?

Well it's simple, at least for me, Agamemnon is trying to lie to himself at the beginning of the play.

You see trough the whole play, specially at the beginning, Agamemnon talking about how stressing his position as leader is, all the responsibility that falls onto him is too much, and I think this could have been the reason he send the letter without thinking too much about the consequences or what he was actually suppose to do. This might sound stupid, how can you not inmidiatly realize the implications of sacrificing your daughter? Well, let me explain.

I have been in seriously stressing situations, including stressing situations when it comes to work, I have been in that mental space when you're just thinking of solutions, when you're almost unfeeling because right now you can't really afford to think about how you're feeling. I have obviously have never been in position of power similar to the one Agamemnon was, but I think that emphasizes my point over all the stress he is suffering.

Now going back, why would Agamemnon need to lift himself of blame? He already was stressing due to the demands of the army right? It is his duty as leader to attend to the armies demand, he already can easily be absolve of blame for calling Iphigenia to come, why would he need to lie and say he was pressured into it by Menelaus? Well the thing is, his necessity to get the wind back and get going with the war was not about the demands of the soldiers, they actually wanted to go home already, they didn't start to pressure him to get going with the war until AFTER they discovered that they needed to sacrifice Iphigenia for the winds to come back

Menelaus to Agamemnon:

But this one thing: a favoring wind To dispatch the fleet. So the Danaans urged That you send back every ship and at Aulis Put an end to this toil without meaning

So why did Agamemnon so desperately want to find a way to get the winds back and get started with the war? Easy, his honor and his power were at risk. If he gave up now, if he didn't find a way to get going with the war, what would they say about him? They would say he was a bad leader, that he was weak, that he was unfit to be someone so powerful, that he called all those kings and armies around the world for nothing

Menelaus to Agamemnon:

And then You came to Aulis with the army- The Panhellenic host! And suddenly- From being all, you became nothing, Confounded by a fate God-given, lacking But this one thing: a favoring wind To dispatch the fleet. So the Danaans urged That you send back every ship and at Aulis Put an end to this toil without meaning. I remember your face then, bewildered, Unhappy, fearing you would never captain Your thousand ships or fill up with spears. The fields of Priam's Troy. Then you called me Into council. What shall I do? you asked me. What scheme, what strategy can I devise That will prevent the stripping-off Of my command and the loss of my glorious name?

Agamemnon was stressing but about what cancelling the war would mean to him and his name, he is putting his own honor before everything else. If only he had not cared about his honor so much, if only he listened to others and ended the whole thing before, he may have been saved from having to sacrifice his beloved daughter, but now that it is know what they have to do to keep going, he cannot back away

One may say "but what about Artemis' wrath?" Well, here's the thing, in the play, were never told what he did to anger her or even have a mention he did something personally to anger her, yeah there's other sources that claim he killed a sacred deer, or that he claimed to be a better hunter than Artemis, but that's not said here, and Euripides is known for just adding his own original ideas into his plays (this is the same play that introduced the idea of Clytemnestra having another husband and son before) so it isn't to much of a stretch to think he may have changed the reason for Artemis' divine will or even, that he keep it ambiguous on purpose.

Because at the end of the idea, does it really matter? At one point, Agamemnon had a chance to end things, to go back to his normal life, but he chose not to, he decided his honor was more important, and I feel like, Agamemnon knows this, he knows he had a chance to evade the whole thing, but he chose not to, and it's probably killing him inside, that's why he, at the beginning, tries putting the blame on Menelaus, he knows he could have done things differently, and that this whole thing it's, partially, his fault, but how could he just accept the blame? How could he accept his own ego is, part of, the reason his dear daughter is going to die? And just as he can't accept the blame at the beginning, how could he accept his current reality? One where he has to end his daughter? One where he was personally the one sent the message and lied to her? That's why he tried to send another message, thats why, even at the end, he can't even look as his daughter is getting her throat cut

Anyways, my point is Agamemnon knows that, at some level, he is at fault, but he really doesn't wanna accept it, just as he doesn't wanna accept he has to kill his daughter. That's why I think he lies at the beginning of the play (if we go for the idea he was lying, this whole thing doesn't make sense if we believe Menelaus is the one lying lol)

Also this isn't me saying Agamemnon is completely at fault for the whole sacrifice thing. It's very obvious to me he doesn't wanna do it, and at one point he is basically pressured/threatened by the whole army (minus Achilles and some soldiers) to do it. This is just me trying to analyze one of his, many, aspects in the play

Please be nice if you disagree, I'm trying my best I swear /hj

[paragonrobits]

so i was reading some complaints about how Marceline is only really present in Fionna And Cake in a brief snippet and then only in AUs, and then it occured to me: Marceline not being around in an active way is necessary for the plot to happen.

Essentially, the plot of Fionna And Cake might be summarized as 'longing the magical life, Fionna and Cake flee from a Lawful Neutral cosmic killjoy and enlist the help of Simon Petrikov who agrees to become Ice King again, but is explicitly not telling them about what this is going to do to him'. The story is essentially about Simon WANTING to become Ice King while at the same time really not wanting to do that at all, pressuring himself into losing himself once more because he thinks its the only way for him to be needed by anyone anymore.

If Marceline is around, this doesn't happen. She is Simon's biggest reason for staying; she's the happiest part of his life, the most fulfilling and rewarding part of his life. It comes up, time and time again, that in the end becoming Ice King was the best thing to happen to Simon despite all its misery, suffering and tragedy because he otherwise would never have met her; he wouldn't have survived the great mushroom war, or the horrors following it, and would have died long before ever meeting her.

And the show details how INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT Simon raising her really was. The Marceline we know was shaped, by a massive degree, by Simon; his example of self-sacrifice, him letting his mind disintegrate by inches, him going out of his way to help a complete stranger and a monstrous child horrifying by the standards of the setting, all implciitly RIGHT after Marceline's mother died and Marceline had resigned herself to being a scary monster that drives everyone away. And then here came a stranger out of the blue, and spent the next few years telling her that yes, she DID matter, she was a person, and that he cared about her so much he destroyed himself so she wouldn't get hurt... or perhaps because her only means of defending herself, ripping out the souls of others, hurts who she is.

It's not a nice kind of comfort. But it still shaped her into someone willing to be a hero in her own way.

And this goes both ways; we can see that the proverbial straw for Simon is him calling Marceline and concluding that she doesn't need him anymore. It's only after this he starts trying to contact Golbetty, with the potential doom that may befall him. If Marceline doesn't need him, he seems to think, he doesn't matter. The need to be needed runs deep in Simon's character; its what draws him to help Fionna and Cake, and the worlds they visit seem to impart a lesson to him on how he matters more than he thinks he does, both by the things he's done and what he means to others; that he's not as bad a person as he thinks he is, or that Marceline would be fine without him.

So. If Marceline talks more to Simon, ESPECIALLY after he resolves to throw his progress away and let his mind be lost all over again just so he doesn't have to hurt anymore... well, his character arc in this series is about accepting that he's actually ok, the way he is, and to gain perspective on his feelings that he doesn't belong anywhere (and the answer is that he DOES, more than he knows). Marceline doesn't inhibit that, but she WOULD make it harder for it to happen, arguably at the cost of sidelining Simon's character arc here. He would pretend that okay he doesnt want to be Ice King even if he DOES still intend to go through with it, and not in the same way as when he comes to the conclusion that he ultimately does.

If Marceline is there, he doesn't think those thoughts, and he won't come to the same conclusion.

And at the same time, despite not being there, Marceline's presence hangs over the entire show in Simon's character arc. She is the best thing in his life; his greatest success, the most purely positive and happy part of his life. It can't be understated how significant Marceline is; as miserable as Ice King was, she was someone he cared about even if he didn't understand why anymore. Ice King shows a remarkable amount of restraint in context, but it becomes a lot more obvious whenever she's involved, or in danger; a care so deep and ingrained that when Ice King was often pretty callous, whenever she was upset you could see flickers on his face, genuine distress rising up from some forgotten memory or part of who he is.

Marceline pervades Simon's character and the impact he had on the world; the idea of him being able to pull through this and come back to Ooo for her feels very evident, and the impact Simon has in her in other worlds remains extremely important in all of them, sub-textually or otherwise. Sometimes, its a hint that the Winter King is far more morally ambiguous or even malicious than he lets on (the only Marceline present being an eternal child that, from context, is just a simulcrum for him to play pretend parent with) or evidence that without Simon, Marceline grows up into the monster she always feared she was (Vampire World).

She's a presence, hanging over Simon in a good way and reminding us that not only does he have somewhere to go back to, he must understand that he does belong there. And furthermore that the world of Ooo, whimsical and ultimately a better one than most of the places he visits in the miniseries, can only exist because of him.

In Winter King, we see what he could become, without his moral choices. In Vampire World, we see what happens without Simon Petrikov. And in Marceline herself, we see the surest evidence of how important he really is, even if he can't or won't acknowledge it. In his loved ones, in the family he made, even if its not the family he thought he was supposed to have.