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cleolinda · 1 year ago

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The Scariest Movie I Ever Saw in a Theater: The Ring

I'll tell you up front that the story I'm going to tell you is about "The Ring (2002)," in the sense that it is about The Ring in the year 2002.

See, I don't know what The Scariest Movie Ever is. A quick google says that the consensus is The Exorcist (I haven't seen it, because I never felt like scheduling a day to freak myself the entire fuck out). But horror is specific, and not just to a person, but to a time and place, even. When I saw The Shining as a teenager in a well-lit living room with other people, I didn't even really flinch, but I bet it would play very differently to me now. I don’t think The Ring is at the top of anyone’s list, but twenty years ago, I had a personal interest in it—at the time, I was running a dinky little Geocities site devoted to movie news. Links curated and compiled from all the other, bigger sites I followed—basically, it was the linkspam format I have used on multiple platforms, including here on Sundays. And so, as someone who followed theatrical releases pretty closely for two or three years, I saw the trailer for The Ring, and I immediately knew it was going to be huge.

To locate you in time, this was just after three self-satirizing Scream movies and the Overcomplicated Serial Killer films of the '90s. The Ring was something completely different: chill aqua-blue color grading a good 5-6 years before Twilight; a mournful Hans Zimmer score; no jokes, no quips; and a slow, inexorable sense of doom. Grief, even, given that the movie begins with the death of the main character's niece. What immediately struck me about the first trailer was 1) the melancholy of it, and 2) how much it doesn't explain. Onscreen, you get the title cards,

THERE IS A VIDEOTAPE IF YOU WATCH IT SEVEN DAYS LATER YOU DIE

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Concise! Understandable! A woman (Naomi Watts) is freaking out upon discovering that her young son has just watched it! Admirable job setting up the premise and the stakes of this entire movie in thirty seconds flat, without even any dialogue. That's all you need to know, and thus, the remaining minute of the trailer can do whatever it wants, and what it wants to do is be fucking weird. Echoing voices, TV static, a closeup of a horse's eye, ladders, a girl with dark hair, people reacting to things we don't see, drippy doorknobs, rain. Characters don't give us the whole plot in convenient soundbites of dialogue (like they do in a later trailer); we just hear lines, overlapping, murmured out of context—

did you see it in your head? she talks to you... leading you somewhere... showing you the horses... you saw it. did you see it in your head? she shows me things. Everyone suffers.

That you saw it has lived in my head ever since, and not once have I charged it rent. But the "best" part is Naomi Watts screaming at the end, because you don't hear her voice; you only hear this heartless telephonic beeeeeeep. It's 2002 and I'm watching this trailer, thinking, I have no idea what the fuck I just saw. This is going to be huge.

And it was, to the tune of $249 million on a $48M budget.

At risk of recapping what you might already know, Ringu, aka Ring, is a media franchise that spiraled out from a trio of Koji Suzuki novels into Hideo Nakata's film Ringu (1998), a landmark of Japanese horror, plus several other movies, some TV series, many comics, and even a couple of video games. The overarching story is about a murdered girl/vengeful ghost named Sadako Yamamura whose rage and pain have created a cursed video tape, you watch it and you die unless you pass the tape around like a virus, seven daaaaays, etc.

The "ring" in question is the rim of a well. Keep that well in mind.

The movie I saw is the U.S. remake, which itself had two sequels. (The iconic Sadako is now named Samara Morgan. Keep her in mind, too.) Director Gore Verbinski moved from The Ring to Pirates of the the Caribbean (!), and so Hideo Nakata himself would direct The Ring Two. I... honestly have only seen the first one. And I was right, it was huge, and it kicked off the American J-Horror Remake genre, for better or worse. But what gets forgotten about The Ring is its marketing campaign, which I followed pretty closely for my doofy little news site.

It was inspired.

The story of The Ring is partly the story of the sea change in the media landscape—how we watch movies. And the story of its marketing is a picture of the very last years before social media changed the wilderness of the internet into something that feels so big, like a billion people could see anything we say, and yet so small—only a tame handful of places to say it, owned by three or four companies, and corraled by algorithms.

Back around 1997-1998 or so, I worked at a video store (Movie Gallery, where the hits were there then, guaranteed) for about a year and a half. By the time I left, we had started adding DVDs to the VHS tapes on the shelves, but we hadn't replaced the entire stock. Video stores might have transitioned fully to DVD by 2002, I'm not sure, but people still commonly had both VCRs and DVD players in their homes. And I remember that The Ring was sold in both formats when it eventually hit home video. Which is to say—you know the analog horror genre today? Marble Hornets, Local 58, The Mandela Catalogue?

Analog horror is commonly characterized by low-fidelity graphics, cryptic messages, and visual styles reminiscent of late 20th-century television and analog recordings. This is done to match the setting, as analog horror works are typically set between the 1960s and 1990s. The name "analog horror" comes from the genre's aesthetic incorporation of elements related to analog electronics, such as analog television and VHS, the latter being an analog method of recording video.

Okay, but this is just what home media was like, and 2002 was at the very tail end of that—boxy black VHS tapes that degraded with time and reuse were just how we lived. At the same time, I'd been using CDs for music since about 1991, and all our software installs came on CD-ROM discs; a "mixtape" by that time had shifted to mean a rewriteable CD rather than a cassette tape. In college, I—well, I'll plead the Fifth as to whether I downloaded mp3s via Napster, but I was also taping Mystery Science Theater 3000 on VHS over the weekends. It was Every Format Everywhere, All At Once, and we kept half a dozen kinds of players around for them. Here in 2023, we stream and download everything invisibly, unless we choose to engage in format nostalgia. (I've already run into the problem of Apple Music deleting songs I really liked, due to this or that licensing issue, because I was really only renting them.) The year The Ring hit theaters was the edge of a last shimmering gasp of physical media where iTunes had only come into being the year before, and iridescent discs were still mostly what we used, but cassettes, both video and audio, were still viable. And so, people did not think it was terribly weird when they started finding unlabeled VHS tapes on their windshields.

Movieweb, quoting TikTok user astro_nina:

"Their marketing strategy was essentially 'let's get this tape viewed by as many people as possible without these people being aware of what this is, sort of raising intrigue," she says. One way they achieved this was by airing the tape, which allegedly marks its viewers for death within seven days, as a commercial with no context. The video would air between late-night programming "with no words, no mention of a movie, for like a month...so people would run into it and it would just go on to the next thing, and people would be like, 'what the f--k is this?'"

I remember seeing the Cursed Video as an unexplained ad at least twice, by the way. That TikTok also indicates that DreamWorks straight-up sent copies of the tape to Hot Topic stores, as well as planting them under actual movie theater seats. While running my movie site, I heard at least one story of someone finding a tape on the sink counter of a restroom at a club. Did the marketing department actually plant tapes in bathrooms—or did a freaked-out recipient leave it there, hoping to dodge the "curse"?

(I haven't embedded the Cursed Video here, by the way—but I could have. If you'd like to see the American take on it, you can watch both the full version and the shorter variant that appeared in the movie itself. A text description of what the fuck you're even looking at is here [content note for both: blood, insects, animal death, body horror, and suicide by falling]. The original version from the Japanese film is shorter, and it's eerie rather than gruesome.)

BUT WAIT, THERE WAS MORE: DreamWorks had something of an alternate-reality campaign going with a handful of in-character websites. This was only a year after Warner Bros. ran the groundbreaking "The Beast" ARG for A.I.: Artificial Intelligence: "Ultimately, fifty websites with a total of about one thousand pages were created for the [A.I.] game." (I lurked in the Cloudmakers Yahoo group.) Marketing for The Ring did not go anywhere that in depth, nor did it need to; it was both a smaller film and a smaller story. I saw at least two “personal” websites (seemingly amateur and a little tacky, like my own), but the one I particularly remember was about someone who owned/trained horses? I'm not sure if it was meant to be the actual Anna Morgan character—Samara's mother—or maybe someone who had noticed that the Morgans' horses were disturbed? I'm not even sure anyone even remembers this but me. Reddit users dug up a few other archived websites, but they're about Sadako, the curse and/or videotape; they aren't as subtle or character-oriented as the site I remember. (Honestly, I wonder if weird shit like "What Scares Me" or "SEVEN DAYS TO LIVE" were made by fans rather than a marketing department, but who knows.)

[The “About” page from Seven Days to Live on the Internet Archive.]

[The entirety of An Open Letter on the Internet Archive. “UPDATE” is a now-blank pop-up. I would bet $5 that it was originally a pop-up of the cursed video.]

I need to point out here that Facebook did not exist in 2002. It would not exist for another two years, and Twitter wouldn't exist until 2006. Even MySpace was not a thing until the next year. I didn't start my Livejournal until October of 2003. What we had, for the most part, were independent forums and blogs. We also had Creepy Internet Fiction like "The Dionaea House" and "Ted the Caver"; their use of the blog format, of people out there seemingly living their lives until something fucked up went down, gave the stories the shape of reality. And it helped that these blogs had comment sections, sure—sometimes more story unfolded there—but for the most part, an author could "abandon" a blog, and you'd just find the story there via word of mouth. Like the Ring blogs I remember, it wouldn't seem strange if no one replied to you, whereas today, you'd have to hire a writer to sit on Twitter, or Reddit, or even Tumblr, and interact with people in character. Could you do something like The Ring's mysterious, weird-ass blogs today? Would anyone even notice?

So: It's 2002, my head is full of Alternate Reality and eerie images and you saw it, and I'm hype as hell to go out and see The Ring. I'm perfectly happy to go see movies by myself, so I went in the early afternoon (best time to get a good seat). The movie ended up being a sleeper hit, and the first weekend, the public was still sleeping on it, so there were only 7-8 other people in that theater, grouped in maybe two clusters. I was off in my own little pool of darkness in the upper right quadrant. Functionally, once the lights went down, I was alone.

Despite some middling reviews at the time, The Ring is something of a horror classic nowadays. If you want a scary movie this Spooky Season, check out The Ring. Or don't, because it nearly killed me.

We're at the last, I don't know, third of the movie? And Our Heroine has tracked down the origin of the Cursed Videotape to some creepy mountain motel or whatever. SPOILER, it turns out that it was built over the Cursed Well (everything in this movie is cursed) that Our Villain was thrown into—that's why Sadako/Samara is a vengeful wet murder ghost crawling out of TVs now. While investigating this decrepit hotel room, intrepid journalist Rachel and her, who is it, her ex-husband? her kid's dad, idk, discover the well under the creaky old floorboards. And then, wouldn't you know it,

NAOMI WATTS FALLS INTO THE WELL

NAOMI WATTS FALLS INTO THE FUCKING WELL

THAT'S WHERE SAMARA'S BODY IS

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[The rather slapstick moment when Rachel falls into the well. Does not include what actually happens next.]

I go absolutely rigid in my seat. Naomi Watts is splashing around this dark-ass death swamp of a well and I know, with as much certainty as I have ever known anything in my life, that Samara is about to pop up in all her pasty, waterlogged glory. All the sad creepy dread, all the desperation to figure out what the fuck all that shit on the tape was and stop Samara from killing Rachel's son, all the horrible contorted victim faces, all the alternate reality I’ve been soaking in, it has all come to this. I have to leave the theater. I cannot be having with this. I have to be gone from this place. My legs do not work. I cannot feel them. I am frozen. I want nothing more in this life or any other to get up and leave this cavernous pitch-black room, and I cannot. I start praying for death. I want you to understand that I am not trying to be flippant or humorous. This is genuinely what went through my head. I was too scared to even think, "You know, you could just pray to pass out or for motion to return to your limbs or something." No, I sat there in The Ring thinking, Please for the love of all mercy just let me cease being.

You know that scene in Mulholland Drive (also starring Naomi Watts)? Winkie's diner and the EXCRUCIATING tension? It was a little like that, except I wasn't watching it, I was experiencing it, and Samara was my dirt monster out behind the diner.

Except that the jump scare didn't actually happen. I mean, yes, Rachel finds Samara's body down there, but—I don't remember exactly, please don't make me go watch it again to tell you what actually happens. It's played more sympathetically on Rachel's part, as I recall, and she and her ex get Samara's body out so that she (Samara) can have a proper burial.

And then it turns out that this is not the end of the movie. It turns out that Rachel has Fucked Up.

I think I was relatively okay through the rest of it, although the climax is Samara emerging from a TV in her full glitching swampy glory to scare [SPOILER] to death. I don't recall praying for death twice. There's a point when you're so exhausted from fear chemicals that you're like, yeah, this might as well happen. Bring it, Soggy. I did have a hard time prying myself out of that seat afterwards, though, and my mom says that when I got home, I had the classic thousand-yard stare. How was the movie?

"It was great," I said, and I meant it.

I've seen things that were objectively scarier (I watched much of The Haunting of Hill House from behind a pillow, to be honest), and it's not like I've never experienced fear in real life. But I respect when a movie that can make me feel so intensely, and there's something weirdly precious about the way horror is a safe roller coaster, as it's often been said. So I love telling the story about The Time The Ring Nearly Killed Me—a movie that actually made my body stop working—and I love thinking of how embedded in a specific time and place that movie was for me. The last gasp of VHS when the Cursed Videotape still seemed plausible; the way the internet was still wild and weird and free; where I was in my life, keeping up so avidly with all the movie news, and finding myself in such a little pool of darkness early one afternoon. It's the scariest movie I saw in a theater; that's the alchemy of circumstance.

#the ring #ringu #horror #first look on patreon #movies #long post #spooky season #halloween everyday #long post is long #gifs

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ofmdrecaps · 5 months ago

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09/06-07/2024 Daily OFMD Recap

TLDR; David Jenkins; Rhys Darby; Taika Waititi; Ruibo Qian; Vico Ortiz; Kristian Nairn; Anapela Polataivao; Erroll Shand; Andrew DeYoung; Kay Buchanen; RoseCityComicCon OFMD Panel; Tell Tale Voting Reminder; Another Call To Action; Help Matt Maher go to ECCC!; Love Notes; Daily Darby / Today's Taika;

Hey Crew, I'm working on reaching out to folks to get permission to post more Rose City Comic Con pictures! Hope to have more up tomorrow.

== David Jenkins ==

David and Kinga got married! So happy for you Chaos Dad!

Source: David and Kinga's Instagram

== Rhys Darby ==

SO MUCH RHYS today! He was out doing comedy at Largo LA!

Source: LargoLosAngelos More Comedy with Rhys, 9/10/24 at 8 PM in LA! Learn more!

Guess who's substack is up!?

Source: Rhys Darby's Instagram

== Taika Waititi ==

The Toronto International Film Festival is on! Indigenous.tv is reminding you to keep an eye out for Taika!

Source: Indigenous TV

== Ruibo Qian ==

Ruibo is in Shanghai!

Source: Ruibo Qian's Instagram

== Vico Ortiz ==

Vico and Ane are cosplaying Crowley and Aziraphale at Rose City Comic Con!

Vico will also be part of the Drag Pac's Youth Town Hall on Sept 14, 2024 at the Plaza De La Raza LA! Wanna check it out? Visit their site!

Source: Vico's Instagram

== Kristian Nairn ==

Kristian Djing "Hold the Decks" for us!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Kristian Nairn (@kristiannairn)

instagram

Source: Kristian Nairn's Instagram

== Anapela Polataivao ==

Our beloved Auntie's movie TINĀ (MOTHER) will be premiering at the Hawaii Film Festival this year in October!

"HIFF44 opens at the Consolidated Theatres Kahala with the World Premiere and directorial feature debut of Miki Magasiva’s nuanced drama from New Zealand/Aotearoa. Samoan actor Anapela Polata’ivao (ONE THOUSAND ROPES, OUR FLAG MEANS DEATH, SHORTLAND STREET) portrays Mareta, a well-respected and gifted vocal coach in her community, who finds herself at a crossroads, needing to find work after the tragic death of her daughter, a death she is still processing. Mareta goes out of her comfort zone to become a substitute teacher at an elite, all-white private school and forms a choir that begins her healing as a matriarch and caregiver. Director Miki Magasiva and actress Anapela Polata’ivao are scheduled to attend HIFF44 Opening Night."

New Zealand/Aotearoa 2024 | English, Samoan w/English Subtitles | 124M

Source: HIFF Instagram and Website

== Erroll Shand ==

Everyone's sending love to Erroll for his role in The Twelve! Really hoping it'll be available outside of NZ soon!

Source: Jodie Rimmer Instagram

== Andrew Deyoung ==

One of our writers had their new movie premiered at the TIFF!

Source: FilmAndy Instagram

== Kay Buchanan ==

Our fabulous leather worker-- Kay Buchanan has a new movie coming out that she worked on props for! Grafted, a AoNZ horror film will be released in AoNZ on Sept 12! Check out the trailer on her IG!

Source: Kay Buchanan's Instagram

== Rose City Comic Con ==

Our crewmates over at @adoptourcrew were kind enough to share updates from the Cast Panel at Rose City ComicCon this weekend! If you have twitter, you can check it out over at Adopt Our Crew Thread. If not, you can see them below!

Source: Adopt Our Crew Twitter

== Tell Tale Voting Reminders! ==

Only a few more days to vote for Stede and Ed in Tell Tale TV's Battle of the Ships! Please vote here when you get a chance!

Source: Tell Tale TV's Instagram

== Another Call to Action! ==

Sounds like there's going to be another anniversary trailer happening on 09/15! Several crewmates are asking to QRT David's Tweet here with the text "Because The Night Belongs To Lovers #OurFlagMeansDeath" and something a little extra to help keep from being flagged as spam! Let's get ofmd trending again that day!

Source: Lucy's Twitter

== Help Matt Maher go to ECCC! ==

Looks like a few of our crewmates talked to Matthew Maher (Black Pete) and he really wants to go to Seattle! Let's help him get to Emerald City Comic Con, if you have a moment, please put in a request to have him as a guest at their next con! Thank you to Mira (@/havethisonelife on twitter) and @/Callousnstrange for trying to help Matt!

Source: CallousnStrange / Mira (HaveThisOneLife)

== Fan Spotlight ==

= The Gay Pirate News Hour =

The inaugural episode of Gay Pirate News Hour is out now covering a month's worth of OFMD fandom news and speculation including David Jenkins getting married, Rose City Comic Con, and reasons to clown about season 3. GPNH will be live on youtube once a month!

youtube

Source: Our Flag Means Fanfiction Instagram/Youtube

== Loves Notes ==

Hey there lovelies! I've been sitting with my Dad in the hospital for a few days, and it's given me a lot to think about. Today especially was particularly hard, and I wanted to send out a couple reminders I think are important.

It's okay to be scared. Things don't always go as we plan, and scary things DO happen, and you are absolutely valid in feeling fear in the unknown.

It's okay to ask for help. Sometimes, even if you are the proudest person in the entire world, you need help, and it's okay to ask for that help. Even if you're estranged, or have difficult relationships, ask for help, the worst that can happen is someone says no. Better to know for sure then not ask.

You're absolutely wonderful lovelies. You. When you're scared, when you're happy, when you're sad, you're beautiful, and you're wonderful, and you deserve love and help just like anyone else. Please ask for it if you need it <3 Rest well, I'm rooting for you.

Source: MichellCClark Instagram

== Daily Darby / Today's Taika ==

Today's theme is hair, gifs courtesy of these wonderful folks, @piratesleeves and @unaragazzadelnord

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radiodust-heart · 9 months ago

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Alastor isnt a fan if tv of any kind. But Charlie started having movie nights were once a week someone picks a movie for them to watch. Her choice was rather heart felt and had her crying while no one really paid attention.

Vaggies pick was a movie about animals finding a way home. She just liked it was her comment.

Lucifer presented a musical about himself and a carnival he thought was funny.

Husker picked the first movie in the pile which ended up being a princess movie

Nifty picked a story about a bunchnof short stories that came together in the end. Each one more horrific then the last.

When it was Angels turn they all gave him a rule, no porn. So instead he set everyone up to watch heraditary/midsomer (havent figured out which ine would be funnier) the movie captured everyones attention, the film becoming worse as it went on but no one could look away. The whole time Angel grinned as he watched the movie. He ended up turning to Alastor who was situated beside him, whispering facts he knew about the movie and cult history hed picked up over his time.

Alastor enjoyed the growing horror of the group. But not as much as Angels consrent chatter. He had alot to say and it was all fascinating. He missed most of the movie as he was paying attention to Angel but the man recapped for him as the movie came to a gruesome close. With unsettling deaths and a cult celebrating the ritual. The room was clearly unsettled and nausiated all despersing at the end of the film.

Alastor didnt get a chance to pick a movie as movie nights were firmly canceled after the incedent but it was worth it. Instead he ended up chatting with Angel for the rest of the night on history of cults, illnesses, canniblisim.

Angel was a horror fanatic and when he found out Alastor was a cannible he had a million questions on the life style which Alastor was pleasently surprised. Use to peiple being creeped out by him at the knowledge. Counterly when Alastor found out Angel was a drag queen he had many questions himself on the artisty of the life style.

Charlies exercise did work to bring the resedence closer just not the way she thought

#hazbin hotel #hazbin angel dust #hazbin alastor #radiodust #headcanon

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peachyjinx · 1 year ago

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On the Edge- Ch 1- Pent Up

Word count: 2300

Summary: You're having trouble bringing yourself to orgasm, and and being around Loki isn't helping...

Day 7

You huffed in annoyance, the sheen of sweat dripping down your forehead onto the pillow. You had been trying to orgasm for over an hour now, but it was elusive. You've never had problems with this before, and especially not recently.

For the last couple of months, all it took was 15 minutes thinking about Loki while you pleasured yourself and you were tumbling into ecstasy. Tonight you had thought about a joke he had made at Tony’s expense. The way he said it with a wry smile and a wink he shot you in front of everyone made your cheeks burn. He always lit you on fire, either when you were around him or in the privacy of your own bed. But tonight, for some reason, you just couldn't come.

Your mind continued to dwell on Loki as you gave up on your missing orgasm and walked to your bathroom, running the shower, and thinking about your unsated lust. He had been with the Avengers over a year longer than you, but he still didn’t quite fit in. His sharp wit with his backhanded compliments to the others made you blush. His devious eyes would flash to yours, and sometimes you felt like he was showing off just for you. Recently, you found that you couldn’t contain yourself around him and began to flirt back.

But then you reminded yourself that Loki flirted with everyone. You'd even seen him jokingly make a pass at Steve, much to Steve’s horror. Steve immediately turned beet red and left the room, with Loki left cackling behind him while you tried to contain your own laughter in front of the others.

Your mind drifts more as you wash yourself absentmindedly. Not just to his mischievous nature, but to his body…that tall, strong build with a swagger that was unmatched by any human you knew and made you weak in the knees. Those intense blue eyes that always seem to be hiding his true thoughts. That sharp jawline that made you want to walk up to him and bite it while you twisted your fingers in his hair…

Okay, that's enough. No more thinking about Loki tonight.

You finish your shower and climb back into bed, with fresh soft pajamas cooling your skin.

Maybe I'm just tired. I just got home from a mission, and my body just isn't ready.

Your mind wanders to the last time you masturbated. When did you come last? A week ago.

It’ll be fine, I’m just tired, you assure yourself.

You roll over and turn on your tv in your bedroom as you drift off to sleep.

~~~~~~

You slowly followed Nat into the conference room for the post mission meeting, the members of your team grumbling at the audacity of Steve’s 6 am assembly.

Your eyes casually glanced around the room and landed on Loki. He looked as bored as he always does in these meetings. He thinks they are a waste of time, and makes no attempt to hide his disdain.

What was it he said that one time?

“The trials of battle are meant to be discussed over a feast and surrounded by loose companions, not in a hideous board room with poor quality breakfast foods!,” Loki spat at Steve at one particularly boring recap meeting as he dramatically left the room.

You grin to yourself as you doodle in your notes, trying not to look up at the other attendees sitting down- Nat, Clint, and Loki.

It was extra hard to avoid looking at Loki this morning, he had his hair in a loose bun, with little wisps of black tendrils framing his face. He dressed in his casual Earth clothes, which still managed to make you feel underdressed around him. His clothes were always the best that money can buy, and perfectly tailored to his form. Even though he's supposed to “blend in” on Earth, he still looked every bit the rich Prince from another world that he is.

You zoned out as you watched Steve talk in the front of the room, not thinking about anything in particular.

“...we obtained the data we needed, so kudos to everyone on the team,” Steve congratulated his exhausted audience with a professional smile.

“But it’s important that even though we came out unscathed, our mission wasn’t without its flaws. I’m of course speaking about the incident at the bar,” Steve continued in a casual, but firm tone.

All eyes look to Loki, who's staring at the ceiling. Sensing the room’s focus on him, he lowers his jaw down and his blue eyes scan the faces of those around the table with a sly grin.

“Just say what’s on your mind, Captain”, Loki feigns annoyance, though you could tell he was enjoying the attention.

“We almost didn’t get the information we needed because you were obviously distracted. Do I need to read all of my notes?,” Steve shot back, trying to maintain his casual demeanor.

“Did we get the information or not?” Loki nonchalantly replied to Steve, looking around the table to discern what his teammates thought.

“If it weren’t for Nat and Clint’s quick thinking, you could’ve compromised everything!”, Steve raised his voice, gesturing with the file in his hand.

“It was just a bit of fun,” Loki smiled to himself, raising his hands behind his head as he leaned back in his chair.

“Loki, you started hitting on some random woman in the bar! If Nat and I hadn’t intervened, we could’ve gotten the attention of the Hydra agents in there! Hell, she could’ve been one!”, Clint glared at Loki from across the table. He never hid his dislike for the God, but it didn’t bother Loki.

“Well I think your missions- and your team- are incredibly dull. You need to liven things up,” Loki mocked, sitting straighter in his chair now, his devious grin looking for someone to challenge him.

You didn’t speak up. It had been hard enough watching Loki woo a gorgeous woman at the bar, his hands trailing her back while she giggled and played with her cocktail straw. He had laid it on thick, you vividly remembered the way he leaned in close to her while whispering in her ear…

Your attention snapped back to the meeting and watching your teammates argue. When these guys fought, it was best to just stay out of it.

“Loki, you nearly started a bar fight when her boyfriend came back!”, Nat was now raising her voice, glaring at him with Clint.

“You asked the God of Chaos to join your team- what did you expect?! It’s in my nature!,” he smiled and his attention turned to you.

“And what do you think?”, Loki shifted, leaning forward to look at you with his hands clasped on the desk. You felt heat on your cheeks as he inquisitively looked at you. It felt like his beautiful eyes pierced into your soul, his complete focus on you feeling like too much and not enough at the same time. You looked up at Steve, hoping to stay neutral even though you weren’t.

“Well, I think it was a dick move by Loki. But he's right, what do you guys expect? And we got the facility location and completed the reconnaissance successfully. So what does it matter that he almost started shit? He probably would have fixed it with his magic anyways…”, you trailed off, looking between Steve and Loki.

A smug smile spreads across Loki’s face as he raised his hands expressively.

“See?? I was merely playing and at no time was the mission in threat of failing!,” he proudly declared as if your comment cleared the matter up.

“Loki. I need you to reign it in. I know you’re bored, and this is nothing like your Asgard missions, but you’re here with us now. You need to tone it down- lives could’ve been endangered,” Steve warned, not budging.

Loki stood up, showing he was once again done with another mission recap meeting (or with Steve telling him what to do).

“Ah yes, but of course, Captain. I will make sure to take your commands into consideration in the future. Thank you for the support, Darling,” he shot you a devilish smile and a wink before stepping out of the room. Your body flushed with heat as you tried not to look at your teammates.

He had you good.

~~~~~~

Day 10

You screamed out in frustration at another failed attempt, slamming your fists on the bed next to you. You panted heavily, concern seeping into your mind.

What the hell is wrong with me? Is it mental? Is it physical?

You sat up and looked around at the toys scattered across the bed. Clit stimulators, vibrators, your favorite dildo- you had tried it all, and nothing. You took a deep breath and reassured yourself.

No, it’s never been a problem before. I just need to wait it out some more.

You opened up the calendar on your phone, thinking back to the last time you came. You had been thinking about Loki railing you, of course. You marked the last day you had an orgasm and sighed. Hopefully this is over soon.

You looked out the window to see the daylight shining in, and decided the best way to move past your problem is to pretend it wasn’t a problem. And since you had no Avengers things going on, you could actually relax and take in some sights of the city and explore as you wanted.

You threw on a t- shirt and jeans and ventured out into the bustling city. As soon as your feet hit the pavement, you felt better. You decided to treat yourself with your favorite coffee shop, getting a flavored coffee and a couple chocolate croissants.

The spring air swirled around you as you entered Central Park with your snack, the faint smell of flowers blooming improving your mood already. This is just what you needed- some nature to ground you. You wouldn’t be surprised if this would be over after today.

You found the perfect bench across from Belvedere castle and sat down, taking in a deep breath and sighing as you appreciated your view. Everything else was going great, you really needed this moment to think about all that you do have, not what you don’t.

“Mind if I join you?”

Shit. You know that voice.

You looked up from your pastry to see Loki taking a seat next to you. Wearing a dark green fitted sweater with his tight black dress slacks, he looked as polished as ever. As he sat, his legs sprawled out a bit, to where your knees were almost touching. You told yourself to remain calm and not think about how sexy he looks.

“Not at all,” you shrugged, trying to remain as casual as possible.

“It’s quite lovely in this spot, I must say,” Loki stretched his arms along the back of the bench, and you felt your heart flutter at his closeness.

“Yea it’s not all bad here on “Midgard”,” you joked, making him smirk. It made your stomach flip.

The two of you sat in silence, and if you had been in a relationship, this would be incredibly romantic. The cherry blossoms were blooming and there were flower petals in the air- it was just perfect. You tried to think of something to talk to him about that wasn’t work- you were rarely alone with him outside of the tower or on a mission. Loki shifted and his knee touched yours, and you stifled a moan and felt your body go tense.

“Does the castle remind you of home?,” you asked with a friendly tone, trying to keep things light and prevent your mind from obsessing about the fact that the two of you were casually touching one another. You’re not going to let him get to you.

“A bit. If it were nicer, perhaps,” he grinned down at you and you took another bite, while acting engrossed in a family that was strolling by.

“What’s that you’re eating?,” he asked, his tone still relaxed, as if it was normal for him to sit so close to you, alone, in a romantic setting. Your conversation was friendly and innocent enough, but you could feel the heat rising in you, and you fought to ignore it as you chewed.

“A chocolate croissant from Lulu’s. They get the lamination perfect, they’re so buttery and they use the best chocolate- would you like a bite?,” you excitedly offered him.

“I’ve been around for more than a thousand years, I have eaten foods and drank spirits so divine that you couldn’t imagine. I doubt it could compare,” Loki looked down at you play mockingly, with a sparkle of mischief in his eye.

You rolled your eyes at him, “Alright, fine, your loss.” You took another bite, thankful you had another croissant to stress eat when you got back to the tower.

You could feel Loki’s eyes still on you, when he reached his hand out and cupped your chin to look up at him. Loki slowly brought his thumb up to your cheek, gently wiping a stray crumb at the corner of your mouth. His eyes studied you now, intensely.

“…though there are some things on Earth that still surprise me,” Loki smiled affectionately at you.

You swallowed your bite and looked into his eyes, dazzling a blue as bright as the sky, sucking you into his world. You wanted to stare into those eyes for eternity. You felt your face get hot and your core ached, reminding you of what you needed so desperately. You resisted the urge to clench your thighs, afraid he would notice.

“Alright, let me have a bite,” he unceremoniously demanded as if you weren’t just having a moment.

You moved your hand towards his mouth and he took a bite from the croissant, a thoughtful look on his face as he savored it. You watched him slowly chew and you tried not to be in awe of the God, and the fact that he wanted you to share something with him.

“Not bad, ” he raised his eyebrows and smiled at you, setting his large hand gently on your knee.

You will never recover from this.

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Chapter 2: Stormy Weather

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On the Edge Chapter List

Peachyjinx Master List

#loki smut #loki x reader #dom!loki x sub!reader #dom!loki smut #loki fanfic #loki #loki series #loki mcu #mcu loki

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djwiththejd · 1 year ago

Text

The Fall of the House of Usher (2023) Episode 1

A foreword, of sorts: If someone had told me in high school or even college that I would willingly sit down to watch a horror tv show, I would have laughed in their face. Who knew it would take my college professor Emma's teachings of Pym and my first foray into Critical Theory that I brought with me to law school to get to this point. I haven't even finished watching School Spirits yet so the depression has really taken me for a ride, but my boyfriend says I need a hobby, and I spent two and a half hours and 7 and a half pages of notes on just the first episode of this show, so I'm going to write about it because I miss writing.

If you're here from twitter, may the gods have mercy on your soul.

Now, let's move on to business. My recap of Episode 1 of The Fall of The House of Usher. There will be spoilers for the Poe stories as well as detailed commentary of the events within the episode, so obviously I'm going to put a SPOILER WARNING for whatever you read below. Also, since the first episode introduces the story and the characters, it will probably be long as heck and full of background that no one but me cares about because I'm a huge nerd. I don't care if you skim. Read at your own peril; stay tuned for danger.

Firstly, let's talk about the original short story and see if Wikipedia can help me write a good, short summary of the premise/plot of that story. From within the first two minutes of the show, I can tell that we are going to deviate wildly from the plot.

In the original short story, published in 1839, the tale is told by an unnamed narrator who has been called to the House of Usher at the behest of his childhood friend Roderick Usher who is ill and needs help. Roderick and his twin Madeline are the only living members of the Usher family left alive in their family mansion. One thing that high school teachers everywhere probably tried to teach their students is to pay attention to the narrator's notice of a thin crack that extends from the roof, down the house, and into the nearby lake. This may be important later, but for me right now, I view it as a double entendre. Spoiler alert, at the end of the original short story, both Roderick and Madeline die, leading to the "fall" of the House of Usher, in that the last two living descendants die and therefore end the family name, and also the literal "fall" of the house, the family mansion that they lived in.

I have to admit I watched the first two minutes, tweeted about it, then got so engrossed about halfway through the episode that I grabbed a legal pad and started the episode from the beginning.

Firstly, the opening starts with a countdown to New Year's 1980 before we see a quick image of a cawing raven and a creepy vision of Carla Gugino's smiling face. The episode is titled "A Midnight Dreary," a line from Poe's "The Raven," so at this point I'm confused because obviously this is a completely different short story, but I roll with it. Unfortunately, I didn't have the foresight last night to look ahead and see what the other episode titles were, because then I would have probably understood the plot a little better.

We cut now to a stained glass window in a church (hello Jesus symbolism, can't wait to ponder you later) and then the pastor seems to be giving a eulogy about three dead people. We cut to an older gentleman with a teen girl sitting behind him who seems to be remembering 6 different visions. Side note: I googled the eulogy, and it cobbles together various lines from Poe's poems as well as quotes that are ascribed to Poe. At this point I guess that the older man and older women in sunglasses are the twins, and wonder who the teen girls are behind each of them before seeing MARK MOTHERFUCKING HAMILL on the screen. Even in my notes I just write him down as Mark Hamill, or MH, which is a real shame because his character's name is Arthur Pym, which is the main character from the only "book" Poe ever wrote, and there's a lot of controversy around whether it was finished or not, but I spent several classes in undergrad analyzing that book in particular, so it has a very soft spot in my heart.

Roderick(?) turns back and sees a figure with a blacked out face in the rafters, but then the girl turns around, nobody is there. When she turns to him, she calls him Grampus, so I can assume this girl is his granddaughter and not his daughter. Then Roderick (?) says, "She's here." Not quite to his granddaughter, but mostly to himself. How cryptic. I'm sure we won't think about that until it jumps right into our faces. At this point, in hindsight I had assumed that the "very pale girl" behind Madeline was her granddaughter, but oh how wrong I was.

Outside the church, we see press all over, but the church itself was noticeably empty. Then, then, we cut to a cork board. This confirms Roderick and Madeline are who I thought I was, and also gives Mark Hamill the name of Arthur Pym. Then, I painstakingly went in and paused at nearly every second of the next scene to read the details on the children, their dates of death, and any bits of information I could get from the articles about cause of death (aka COD.) The death dates are clustered very closely together. I don't know quite yet if it goes from youngest to eldest, but I'm sure we shall find out.

Then, the big reveal. Well, to me at least. I saw that the Assistant U.S. Attorney was C. Auguste Dupin, and let me tell you I pumped my fist in the air and nearly woke up my sleeping boyfriend next to me. Why? You don't care but I'm going to tell you. Dupin was introduced in The Murders in the Rue Morgue (1841), my favorite Poe short story, and also the first ever piece of writing ever coined as "detective fiction." Yes, my absolute favorite genre of writing was created by Edgar Allan Poe, so as problematic as he may have been, I will always be grateful to him for this. Besides, the plot for Rue Morgue was so wild, I saw Dupin's name and had to pause and tweet about it. Specifically, I tweeted about hoping that one of the CODs would be strangulation by an escaped monkey. Mind you, like an idiot, I still haven't looked at the damn names of all of the episodes of the series. Since last night, I have been told to keep an eye out, so that's fun.

I can't believe I typed all of that up from the first like, three minutes of the show. I warned you this was going to be long.

Then, we pan out to the corkboard being a whole ass murder board. We love that. Still no clue who Pym is and why he's alive, but the random guy who walked into the office to talk to Dupin just said something about a Pym Reaper, so I got a chuckle out of that. There's emphasis here about "him" wanting to talk. Obviously, by process of elimination, this him is Roderick.

Dupin takes a taxi (oooh, vintage) to this location, and we see it is a dilapidated house. The "House" of Usher, methinks? I will say it definitely gives rise to the gothic vibe of terror and dread, but thankfully we're not going into Gothic architecture, that would have been a little too on the nose. The clothing I've seen is very modern and the death dates are all in November, so I genuinely thought it was set last year but it wasn't. Everything is apparently set to happen next month. In the future. How foreboding.

Roderick invites Dupin in and Dupin attempts to console Roderick for his losses, but Roderick seems much more focused on the drink in his hand. Henri IV Dudognon Heritage Cognac Grande Champagne. I googled it and apparently it is a real drink. I have to say, Roderick really doesn't seem to curry favor with Dupin when he suggests "a single pour is probably worth double your annual salary" but then he offers a glass to Dupin. This man is clearly going through something. By now, I can surmise it is the death of his family, but is this The House of Usher? Is this dilapidated building the same setting that we see in the original tale? Is Dupin now taking the place of the unnamed narrator of past?

Dupin still tries to apologize, but Roderick just seems...resigned to his fate. Also, Dupin asks where Mr. Pym is and we find out that Mark Hamill is playing a defense attorney. Amazing. Three years of law school and a JD later, and Mark Hamill, one of my favorite actors, is playing an attorney with the name of one of my most intriguing literary characters. All of my worlds have collided.

Roderick waives his right to an attorney and sits Dupin down across from him to talk. Dupin says Roderick got away with it, Roderick says no one really ever gets away with anything, not really. Dupin pushes back and says Madeline would beg to differ. Roderick says you can ask yourself, she's downstairs in the basement. At this point, I am convinced that Madeline is dead and buried, but this episode will not reveal that information to me. Trust me, I'm holding onto that theory because it is close in parallel to the original story, but I am soooo open at this point to being surprised because the actor for Roderick has sucked me in completely. Bruce Greenwood. I have painfully powerful facial recognition, so it delights me that I've never seen him in anything before so I can get sucked into his acting completely. Seriously, I just recently recognized the brother in Get Out from a single episode of Victorious because that one episode is my favorite. It can ruin my immersion sometimes.

Anyhow, back to the story. I'm rambling, but I have ADHD and I miss stream of consciousness writing so this is more for me than it is for you.

Roderick's phone vibrates, he says it is his granddaughter, Lenore. My eyeballs are rolling back into my head. We have a connection to The Raven, finally. She's not dead at present, so we shall see if she follows her namesake into the Great Beyond. Dupin tries to graciously allow Roderick to take that call and cites that "grandkids take priority" but Roderick calls him out!

He says "Don't lecture me about family values. You're just as shit in that department as I am."

At this point I am confused but I can't look away. Roderick says he wants to give his confession. Dupin whips out a recorder. November 20th, 2023. Roderick confirms we are in his childhood home. I am vibrating like a cat because I think my theory is correct, and I realize that based off of the death dates of his children, that much of this series will be told from this setting, in those chairs, and with flashbacks to important moments.

I was not prepared for the beginning of this story. In 1953, the house is warmer, more cheerful. R and M are just children, and Roderick speaks about "the woman who would shape every choice we would ever make." Their mother. Eliza. Aptly given the same name as Poe's mother. Personal secretary to the CEO of Fortunato Pharmaceuticals. The same company the Ushers own in modern times. Already I have questions about the lineage of the twins, but you know how it is.

"Not here. Not ever. We agreed." Very cryptic words, Mr. Longfellow. Madeline always hated him, she "always knew." Knew he was a liar? A terrible person? Or did she know he was their father?

Then we get into the religious phrases the mom uses. "Like Jesus, he loves from afar." "He's complicated, like God." I always find it very interesting but also very sad when the words a woman uses to justify a man's abuse is cloaked in a veil of religion. I won't go into detail on that, though. There just isn't time.

Jump to 1962. Nine years later, the twins look to be teenagers. Their studying is interrupted by a bell, and we cut to Eliza ringing a bell in bed. There is a plethora of crosses now hanging on the wall behind her, so that's...lovely. Both twins rush to her, and Eliza pushes a glass of water away. At first I thought it was rabies, but then Eliza seems to be suffering from pain in her pelvic region based off of how her actress was portraying her pain. Honestly, my theory is that she probably had an untreated STI which may have spread to other organs. Either way, her denial of medication or a doctor horrifies me. The screaming and the vitriol is a complete tone shift to who she was prior. But what I really find interesting is that Madeline, not Roderick, seems to be the brains of the pair. She is the one who coaches Roderick on what to say and how to say it to Longfellow, even though Roderick eventually messes up. There seems to be a double entendre in the way Madeline says "it's the least he can do." Because I have suspicions that Madeline knows he is their father, I keep autofilling this in my head. The shift in Mr. Longfellow's mood from humorous, almost mocking disbelief to anger and contemptuous pushback against the twins when Roderick tells him "she loves you" is enough for me. Even Madeline following up with "It's the least you could do. For her. For us." isn't necessary anymore for me to believe he is the father.

Longfellow's denial only seals the deal.

Cut to Eliza's...corpse. She didn't make it, but in trying to keep with her wishes, they tear apart the shed and build her a coffin and bury her in the backyard. Of course, because *spoiler alert* Madeline was accidentally buried alive, I had a hunch Eliza might climb out of her grave. I was proven right, and Eliza wakes up, tries to attack Roderick, but stops when Eliza calls her "Mommy" and grabs her arm. (Actress for teen Madeline is also fantastic, her look of horror was evocative as fuck. 10/10. No notes.) ELiza then walks out, goes into the gates of Longfellow's house and proceeds to choke him to death (with apparently superhuman strength) before finally collapsing next to his body.

What I *love* about this all is that when we cut back to the present, and Dupin asks about why Roderick is telling him all this, Roderick says it is because she's standing right behind Dupin! And you know what drives me nuts? SHE IS. SHE'S TOTALLY THERE AND HE DOESN'T TURN AROUND! Dupin does not see her and we see eliza walk out of the frame.

It is important to note that Roderick talks about the cleanup of that story to spare "his" family, the Usher family, of any embarrassment. He confirms that Longfellow was his father but doesn't claim him as family because Longfellow never claimed him, but it explains why he acknowledges all six of his children from five different mothers.Roderick wouldn't close the gates. Finally, we have confirmation, verbal confirmation from Roderick about who his father was.

Side note: Dupin has a husband, how progressive. I'm down for it. We love it when the elderly LGBTQ+ community is acknowledged.

Two weeks ago:

Then we switch to a trial against Fortunato Pharmaceuticals and the Usher "crime" family, according to Dupin's opening statement. As someone who did pretty damn well in both evidence and criminal law, I'm side-eyeing this opening statement. Let me tell you, law school ruins your ability to suspend disbelief for so many court things in television and movies. Also Fortunato? After The Cask of Amontillado? That's the short story I had to read in high school, and I enjoyed it enough. It does, however, tie in well if the company is also destroyed, locked away, hidden from society, whatever you want to call it to tie into the ending of Cask.

I will say this, Roderick fathered gorgeous children nonstop. Every one of these actors is stunning. I found it odd that the camera panned to Lenore and her mother(?) for a close up when Dupin talks about corruption ut when panned out Lenore is hidden from the view of the audience. At this point, I had not drawn any conclusions as to why that is. I kept fixating on "The Pale Girl," who we later find out is Juno, Roderick's newest wife. Let me tell you, that revelation was crazy because I thought she was Madeline's sole daughter who idolized Dita Von Teese and Dolores Umbridge in the worst hybridization of ways, but Ruth Codd's facial expressions are stunning. I'm visibly uncomfortable when I look at her, and that's fantastic. She's showing me so much with her body language, I can't stand how good she is. Anyhow, I love her. I will be following more of her.

Then, Dupin drops the bomb. The bomb. The thing that makes Madeline's face go from quiet amusement to concern. The statement that makes every Usher child react. There's an informant in the midst. And it is one of them.

Pym, in my opinion, correctly calls out the failure to disclose the identity of this informant. When counsel approaches the bench, this opening statement about the family witness is struck from the record, but it does what Dupin intends it to do. It rattles the whole family. Pym probably makes so much damn money off of these people.

Roderick calls a family dinner for everyone and their spouses. Then we cut to introductions of each family member. Frederick turns out to be the father of Lenore, and his wife's name is Morrie, I think? I had to check Wikipedia for this, but her name is Morella, she's a former actress and model, and now she makes hyper-realistic cakes. Freddie gives me Dan Levy vibes. He blames Perrie, who I assume is Prospero. Lenore calls out that the informant would "have to be pretty brave, I guess" and asks if the charges are true. At this point, there is a massive, MASSIVe red flag waving in my head. Is Lenore the informant? Or is she the red herring? It gets more juicy when she suggests that "if someone really broke the law, shouldn't they be punished?" The red flag...of justice? Morrie casually warns that breaking away from family rank would get you written out of the will, highlighting the difference in values between Lenore and the rest of the family.

Then we cut to Tamerlane and her husband, Bill T. Wilson. (Very cute reference to a short story Poe wrote called William Wilson.) She also says her money on the informant is "one of the bastards." All this does it solidify her and Freddie as the two children Roderick had "in wedlock." Bill suggests the informant is Freddie, and Tamerlane pushes back. She muses that it might be Perry, Bill suggests Juno, her "new stepmom." Tamerlane bristles at this, but also drops that Juno doesn't "know anything." If she really is so new to the family she doesn't know its secrets, then she's the most innocent one there and is also the only one who took the charges against the family seriously enough to not be able to hide it on her face. Tamerlane mentions Goldbug, a short story I have not read, and Tamerlane drops an important tidbit: She doesn't care about the world, she cares about what her dad thinks." I had to google who tf Blippi is for this conversation. Also, they do threesomes? Also, TEST MONKEYS?

Yep. We're going to have the true Rue Morgue murder. We are now introduced to Victorine. And her surgical partner/life partner. They have a successful surgery of some sort on a test monkey. Post-op the women are seen talking about struggling to get peer review because of nightshade. Whatever this nightshade powder Roderick sent over, it's working, but it is the same stuff that paralyzes South American tourists who get it blown in their face. Spooky. Victorine jokes about keeping away from Perry. That boy does not have anyone on his side for this. He's painted as young, immature, and apparently a date rapist so far. However, Victorine points the finger at Camille!

We jump to Leo, apparently on the phone with his boyfriend Julius. He convinces Julius to not come to the family dinner, but he finds out that Julius is on his way up while he's getting head from a woman. So Leo is a bisexual and he's a cheater. Love that about him. Has a black cat named Pluto.

We shift to Camille, apparently the HBIC of the family's PR. She tosses out orders to her drab little assistants hastily scribbling down notes. Her comment about Victorine is not unnoticed, but Camille puts aside her own feelings about her sister in order to push ahead of the PR disaster of the trial. When asked about Juno, Camille has a lot more frustration there for the massive age gap and lack of, idk, decorum about Juno? I'm intrigued as to what "Scraped her off the emergency room floor" means but I'm sure I will find out. Her main priority is sniffing out the informant, she also points to Perry but also claims she doesn't think he's clever enough to talk to the Feds without it ending up on Tiktok. Ouch. Give Perry a damn break. Or don't. He sounds awful. They all certainly seem awful. Like Tamerlane, Camille seems eager to please her father, emphasizing that she wants to be the one who finds the informant to deliver their head to her father.

Juno speaks! and she's Irish. I love that. Apparently she moderated an NA meeting once, so she's either a drug addict or a drug addict seriously affected her family. Tie-in to the Fortunato company? Possible motive? Possible mole? We shall wait and see. I love the comedy Roderick drops in about how the children have to love Juno because the only thing stronger than love is their fear of getting written out of the will.

Then the family doctor arrives with private news on Roderick should hear...My money is either terminal cancer or a slow poisoning. Either way, we don't know what's up before- Surprise! Prospero, aka Perrie shows up.

We see him pour Glenfiddich '96 and I find out he and I are the same age...He pitches a nightclub to Roderick and Madeline who magically shows up and Juno flicks off to Godzilla-knows-where. Apparently he had a full year to come up with a proposal for his first business venture and his idea for a super exclusive nightclub gets shut down mercilessly because the Ushers are about "changing the fucking world." Perrie walks away with his tail between his legs and Madeline checks in with Roderick before heading off to the dining room. She claims when the paperwork is passed out, she'll be able to tell. Apparently she can always tell when someone is...lying? We shall see.

Briefly, we see Carla Gugino put down a drink and say "For the road" which clearly freaks Roderick out because how did this strange woman show up in his mansion's bar?

Cut to dinner, Morrie presents a textbook and Starbucks and we have an Is It Cake momen to light applause from everyone. I can't quite tell if he's being sarcastic about him marrying Morrie, but Freddie moves on to suck up to Roerick by complimenting Juno.

Madeline passes out a new and improved NDA (thank you Pym for your tireless work, I hope you are paid handsomely for this) including details about forfeiture of inheritance, etc regarding being the informant and the consequences that ensue. Victorine's partner Alessandra tries to not sign it until her own lawyer looks it over but one look from the family makes her change her mind.

The siblings bicker before Madeline shuts it down, explains the importance of Fortunato and threatens the informant with certain death. I know it is meant to be serious but I admit I had a little giggle. Then Roderick says "Fifty million dollars." The twins have placed a bounty on the unknown informant's head, effectively pitting the family against each other.

In the present, Roderick laments that this was the last time he saw all of them together, and the last time he saw some of them alive. He claims responsibility for the deaths of all of his children. Even though Dupin claims that these bizarre deaths are all verified to not be linked, Roderick doubles down, and then finally brings up "a woman." Now things are getting juicy. Carla Gugino appears in a variety of lighting and with different hair, so that suggests we'll see here several times throughout the show.

We cut now to New Year's Eve, 1979 heading into 1980. The twins are dressed as Gatbsy and Daisy, I gag a little at the incestual implications even though I knew they were coming, and sit back and watch how the twins first meet the woman, now known as Verna. Apparently they enter a bar hoping for enough people to be around to provide them with an alibi. Whatever they came from at Fortunato Pharmaceuticals, they need witnesses. We see again that Madeline is the mastermind behind every plan. A conversation about resolutions with Verna ensues.

We pan to the present. Dupin talks about some other event that happens that night. Verna predicts their lives will take a complete change of course on that night. Roderick again tells Dupin that every piece of this story is important. We flash back to the funeral. Roderick sees the faceless woman in the back, but then the next time he looks back, he sees the mangled corpses of his six children. When he exits the church, he sees a creepy court jester, like a malevolent joker from the playing card, briefly waiting for him in the car. He starts, notices his nose is bleeding, and then suddenly falls backward. Madeline and Pym rush to him, but arthur stares ahead to *gasp* a raven, and he says "It's time. It's time. It's time." How mysterious.

The episode ends and I finally look ahead to all the episode names like I should have done before. Each episode is based off of a different Poe story, and probably relates to the cause of death for each character. I haven't read some of them, but I feel like I will before I start each next episode. Or I will let myself be surprised. We shall see. Anyhow, I have spent all morning typing this. If you've read this far, I salute you. I'm tired, but also satisfied.

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"The last thing my mother did in this life was kill a powerful man. And we carried that secret with us and we loved her all the more."

#edgar allan poe #the fall of the house of usher #house of usher #fall of the house of usher #tv series review #i have 3 degrees and a fondness of a problematic american author for this exact moment in my life #netflix #netflix series #television #tv show

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sharpth1ng · 6 months ago

Note

what would squilliam and shoehorn think of the stab movies?

So in-universe they're considered kind of bad and trashy when they come out, and from what we see they play in to a lot of the cheesy slasher tropes that scream subverts (ex. turning Casey's death into a shower scene for no reason). Later on in the franchise we find out they've developed a cult following, and from what we see of them on screen they're very campy. There's lots of movies IRL that follow this pattern going from bomb to cult classic: Dead Alive, The Thing, Slither, Phantom of the Paradise, ect, ect.

We also know that at least the first 3 Stab movies are directed by Robert Rodriguez who is a real (and kind of awesome) director known for stuff like From Dusk Till Dawn, Spy Kids, Machete, Sin City, and Planet Terror. I genuinely like a lot of his work but its pretty over the top, over campy, silly, fun so I think that gives us a sense of how those first three Stab movies feel.

We also know that Stab 8 was directed by Rian Johnson, director of Knives Out, Glass Onion, and the TV show Poker Face- all stuff that can have a bit of a lighter tone, not devoid of camp, but generally movies that take themselves a little more seriously. To illustrate the difference between these guys I could imagine Rian Johnson actually directing a modern Scream movie, but I can't really see Robert Rodriguez doing the same. This is far from an insult to Robert Rodriguez by the way, I just think his style is better suited to other stuff. So I think probably the later Stab movies feel a bit more like the Scream movies, while the earlier ones exist in a different media space.

To recap, based on what we see in the Scream movies, Stab is a bit cheesy and trashy, pretty campy, but they do ultimately develop an audience later on. So far, this sounds like something Stu would be into tbh, I think he likes the silly stuff as much as the really fucked up stuff, and the fact that its based on his own story would be hilarious to him. Like he would find it so fucking funny that they inserted a random shower scene in for Casey, and he would find his own portrayal by Vince Vaughn to be hilarious.

Billy is another story. I do think that Billy can enjoy a sillier slasher, especially if it has other stuff going for it (eg. gore, creative kills ect, insane body horror), but he can't buy in to the same amount of ridiculousness as Stu can. Beyond that there's the fact that the Stab movies are a bastardization of his story, like Billy already considers the massacre his movie, so the Stab movies are a bad remake to him. I think especially the idea that his killings aren't being taken seriously would aggravate him.

And then there's the fact that he's played by Luke Wilson. And like. Listen. I don't have anything against Luke Wilson, I know very little about him but I know Billy Wouldn't be happy about this:

Honestly I don't know who they could have cast as Billy that wouldn't have pissed him off. I think that as much as he would want the notoriety of his story being adapted into a movie, he would functionally enjoy being portrayed by someone else.

In the context of my writing, where he and Stu survive this is especially true because the Stab movies in Debaserverse will have Billy and Stu as final boys. Realistically this means they'll be shoved into tropey archetypes, a number of which Billy would hate for himself.

Stab is absolutely going to come into play in WoM by the way! I won't go into much detail about that right now but let it be known. There will be Stab.

#Stab 1997 #Stab movies #scream 1996 #character analysis #billy loomis #stu macher #stuilly #wave of mutilation fanfic #debaserverse #ask

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renthony · 9 months ago

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You've sorta made me want to watch Chucky, and I don't know how I feel about this. Do you have recommendations for where to start, or what to watch first?

Start with the movies! The TV show is done in such a way that it recaps important events from the films as needed, but in order to experience the full journey, you gotta watch the movies.

The first three movies (Child's Play, Child's Play 2, and Child's Play 3) focus on Andy, the first child that Chucky terrorizes. They're much more serious in tone, and focused on the scares.

The plot is that the serial killer Charles Lee Ray is killed in a police shootout in a toy store, and his soul winds up in a doll given to Andy as a birthday gift.

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The fourth movie (Bride of Chucky) and fifth movie (Seed of Chucky) are pure camp. They focus on Chucky and his wife Tiffany, and the story of their relationship. The focus is on getting Chucky and Tiffany's souls back into human bodies after they have both been turned into killer dolls. They also have a child. It's been described as a domestic drama with dolls, and that's not wrong.

The tone is much, much more zany. Some people hate these two movies, and those people are so, so, so wrong. John Waters is in Seed of Chucky. Don Mancini has given interviews saying Seed of Chucky nearly got buried because the studio thought it was "too gay and too funny." It's art.

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The sixth movie (Curse of Chucky) and seventh movie (Cult of Chucky) shift the series back into a serious, scary, psychological tone. One is a haunted house movie, one is an asylum horror (which imo is done respectfully and centers the patients--the staff are portrayed as abusive and shitty).

Both of these films focus on the character Nica, whose family has been targeted by Chucky over years. Chucky wants to finish the job, and so he stalks and terrorizes Nica specifically.

A fun fact about this act of the series is that Nica's actor, Fiona Dourif, is the daughter of Chucky's actor, Brad Dourif. They apparently really love working together on this series.

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After all of that, watch the TV show. The TV show focuses on a trio of teenagers--Jake, Devon, and Lexy--as they deal with Chucky's latest plans. As for what those plans are, it's a mystery the teens have to solve together. The first season is set in the hometown of Charles Lee Ray, the serial killer who became Chucky. The second season is set in a Catholic school, and the third season is set in the motherfucking White House, which is directly called the most evil building in the world.

The show brings together all the characters from the films, so we get to see Andy and Nica and Tiffany all interact, along with all the rest. Like I said, the show catches you up on vital info from the films, but I cannot fathom starting with the show. The films are amazing.

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Also, if you're interested in any of the behind-the-scenes info, or you're not sure you can handle the horror aspects, I highly recommend checking out the Kill Count playlist for the full series (watch the ones labelled Recount, they're updated versions and have more info).

#child's play #chucky #uncaptioned video #original post #ren's media recs

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bookhouseboy1980-blog · 1 year ago

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What We've Been watching this month thingy (August 2023)

For more sub to my channel: https://www.youtube.com/@borednow5838/videos

Also follow Yellowjackets Hive podcast: https://www.youtube.com/@yellowjacketshive/videos

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nishayuro · 1 year ago

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I have an ask! Supervillain Sukuna + UA Student Child!

It’s hard to be a hero in an evil household……and keep your dear old dad’s “career” as secret.

Supervillain! Sukuna with UA Student! Reader who is his child

A/N: Thank you so much for this request! This is an interesting prompt! I really love MHA x JJK crossover series LMAOO Also I’m so sorry for not answering this sooner, I was really conflicted with how I wanted this to go lmao

Genre: Angst-ish

GN!Reader (Your hero name is Cleave)

Since you were small, you’ve always dreamt of becoming a hero. You found out about it from seeing heroes such as All Might on TV.

You had a strong quirk, so your chances of becoming a hero is strong

What’s stopping you, you ask? Well…

Your father, Ryomen Sukuna, is a well known supervillain in Japan… Although no one really knows what he looks like nor his real name.

He goes by the name “king of curses” and has never shown his face

Ironic, isn’t it? It’s not your fault that you don’t know that your beloved dad is one of Japan’s most wanted. He never told you and you never found out, all you know is that he is a normal father with a normal job.

And with a dream of being a hero, asking your dad to let you go to UA highschool

At first he refused, you don’t know why, he only said for your safety

But then he allowed you because he thought it would benefit him.

When you got into UA, Sukuna congratulated you!

After the USJ attack happened, when your father found out, he was pissed.

He might be a villain, but you are still his child and no one dares hurt his child

Let's just say the League of Villains was greeted by your father’s wrath for a while.

You began to suspect your dad after a few encounters with villains, memories of when you were a child and he’d have to leave late at night and the conversations he’s been having on the phone have started making sense.

You decided to do a little digging, and to your luck, your hero work had a meeting about an important mission, and got like, a good chunk of Japan’s heroes in a conference along with their student interns.

It turns out they have information on the “King of curses”, and a debriefing was in order for the next move.

The hero in front started with a recap about the villains involved, and finally, they revealed that they got a photo of the king of curses.

They flashed a slightly blurred, yet still recognizable photo…

To your horror, a side profile photo of you dad was on the screen, you can’t mistake it. You’ve known this man all your life to know him even if it was just his back.

You stared at the photo in horror. Is your father… really the king of curses? One of Japan’s most wanted villains who has escaped even All Might himself? You thought about all the stories you’ve told your dad about U.A. About the teachers, your friends, the staff. To think that he could potentially use them against your peers. You spaced out during the meeting, inner turmoil eating at you.

“Cleave, you alright?” You were pulled out of your trance by Edgeshot, the hero you were interning with. “Oh, yeah, sorry. It was just too much information I got mentally blocked.” You lied. “We’ll definitely have to work on your concentration then” He commented.

The briefing lasted another hour, with the heroes planning what action to take. They also revealed that they were aware of one of the King of curses’ hideouts, which they found by spying on him. They decided for an ambush next week. You knew your father will be on a “business trip” next week, so the dates check out. You knew, you knew information. You knew some things and a few from whenever you’d overhear your dad in calls. Suddenly all his gibberish made sense in context.

And yet even when you knew, you still kept quiet. Feigning ignorance, unable to provide the team with crucial evidence that could help this whole mission ten fold.

You’re conflicted, your moral values are in shambles. And as the meeting ended, and you were dismissed to go home, with the promise of no information getting out. You arrived home, where your father greeted you. Asking about your day.

‘Family… or the citizen’s safety…?’ you thought, eyes cast downwards, unable to look your dad in the eyes. However, you’ve already made your choice on the way home.

“It was okay, just did some patrolling and handled a few robberies. Nothing special today”

masterlist

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#boku no hero academia #my hero academia #jujutsu kaisen #mha x reader #sukuna!reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen x my hero academia

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popculturebuffet · 29 days ago

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Top 12 Animated Episodes of 2024

Happy New Year You happy people! For those new to this blog or finding it for the first time, each year I do a list of the best episodes of cartoons i've watched that year. I do episodes as my short attention span means I finish maybe 20 if i'm lucky, so a top 12 list feels a bit more hollow. So starting in 2020 I started covering the top 20 episodes of animation, to celebrate the highest highs each year in my faviorite industry in a fun way. As i've turned away from covering shows as they've come out, it's also a way to check in on the various shows this year I haven't gotten to cover yet, and is something I look forward to every year and i'm delighted to have you all aboard.

So how this works: each year I normally took 5 episodes of each show i'd watched, narrowed them down and eventually sorted out the top 20. This year I slimmed things down: Top 12 instead of 20, 3 episodes per show, ready, FIGHT. This is so I could fit the whole shebang into one post and hopefully do a best film list, more convient for me and you.

Before we get to the good stuff though, let's talk about this year in tv animation. It was the best of times it was the blurst of times.

Let's get the bad out of the way first: Warner Bros Discovery continued to downplay animation: Jellystone and Tiny Toon Adventures Looniversity got no promotion and a halloween special for the latter never materalized despite being promoted. It's sadly likely neither show will make it past their current season. It's buisnes as usual but it gets no less tiring.

What's new is that WBD has all but killed Cartoon Network. While the Network still TECHNICALLY exists, most of it's originals have either endd or are winding down, with Craig of the Creek's finale delayed to this year just cuz and Invincible Fight Girl moved to adult swim. It's clear what was once a pillar of my childhood is being stripped for parts, with any sequels coming to max, itself sinking rapidly into the earth after Zaslav sold it's foundation to buy a cool watch he found on the internet.

Somehow worse was Disney. Oh fucking boy disney. I've talked about this a few times this year but to recap: Disney has peaked in homophobia and transphobia this year, firing X-Men 97 showrunner Beau Demayo for being openly gay and not just rubber stamping things for them but wanting to write actually challenging content, overworking the staff of Inside Out 2 while making them tone down Riley's crush on her hockey captain , including aging the character up because they GENUINELY assume lightyear failed because it had lesbians in it

Shelving a trans focused episode of moon girl and devil dinosaur, and shelving a trans storyline in upcoming show win or loose. Disney had already proved with owl house they weren't an ally but this year proved the company is DEEPLY homo and transphobic and deeply stupid, scrapping finished content just to appease a few bigots. I may still watch their shows as the creators had no part in this (and as seen with X-Men 97, MGADD and Win or Loose, were trying badly to do something good and got punished for it), but my opinon of the company is at an all time low. And given they supported the don't say gay bill, shot next to a concentration camp and other horrors, that's saying a LOT.

Animation in genreal faces an uncertain future with shows being shelved, and the animation guild having to fight tooth and nail to get better contracts, with the specter of ai being a deep exestential threat.

Thankfully there is some light in these dark times. For starters the Animation Guild successfuly reneigoated their contracts with more residuals, protections and protections from Ai. And content wise animation seems to be in one of it's best years. 2023 is a hard one to beat but 2024 certainly tried.

We had some all time great premeires as the superhero boom that's currently in crisis in theaters reached i'ts peak in animation: In addition to the returns of Invincible, Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur and My Adventures with Superman (Apologizes for missing that one), we had the premeries of the delightfully noir and mature Batman Caped Crusader , the solid and fun Creature Commandos that proves the DCU's commitment to animation and the kickass and thought provoking X-Men 97, a series that did my boy Scotty justice after far too long. In a year when superhero content is dry as a bone theatrically with only Deadpool and Wolverine as a drop in that desert, it was nice to see Superhero Animation back with a vengance and with Spider-Man next year and Invincible Season 3 airing in one piece around the same time

Outside of superheroes we got Fairly Odd Parents a New Wish, Jentry Chau Vs the Underworld and Invincible Fight Girl.. all shows I didn't get to but not for a lack of intrest and intend to rectify that this year. I did get to Hazbin Hotel, which after a long wait finally opened it's doors to a solid first season with a god tier cast and soundtrack. I mean giving me more keith david singing is more than enough but damn this show brought it.

Also making it's grand return was Total Drama, a show I missed and that thankfully returned better than ever... in the US anyway. Everywhere else got it last year or earlier and both seasons of this reboot. Still it's an excellent reboot and while it didn't make this list, it was a great return to form after two terrible seasons and a long hiatus to make canadian muppet babies.

There were many great returns: Helluva Boss delivered a solid arc that flipped up the status quo and gave us three stone cold classics and... uh the other two. Vox Machina had some amazing moments as the chroma conclace conflict concluded, Jellystone and Great North delivered the greatest seasons of their runs, the former giving us the return of an american hero. All hail brak! Simpsons gave me a season that's kept me tuning in more than not and continues it's renissance while Bobs Burgers continued it's own.

2024 despite all the strife and terrible shit, was a fantastic year for animation, a year where despite every company devaluing the practice and being a dick, it soared higher. While I may be worn out with how companies treat animation and the political landscape, ther'es some refuge in how GOOD animation is and how it only has higher to climb next year. So let's celebrate these highest highs under the cut shall we?

12. The Gatekeeper (Moon Girl and Devil Dinosaur, S2-E0) "How many doors do I have to break through before they stop locking me out?"

I've reviewed this episode in full shortly after it's leak so i'll be brief:The Gatekeeper is a masterpiece. It's not subtle but given it comes from a company that shelved the episode because they "want parents to have conversations about these topics when their ready" forgetting that some parents are bigots who will never be ready for that conversation, it dosen't need to be. It's a beautiful story about how you don't need to take the weight of the world's bigotry on your own, how being YOU, trans, nonbinary, queer, is okay and your not burdening your friends by letting them into your fight to be you. It's also shockingly funny for an episode with this heavy an a-plot, with Casey trying to stall desperately. Leading to this beautiful moment

The Gatekeeper is only this low because the escape room stuff, which is a not sizeable chunk of the episode isn't super engaging, not helped by deadly escape room plots being kinda common these days. It's salvaged by it's metaphor at least: that transphobes and other bigots will just keep moving the goal post so fucking break it over your knee. This episdoe is excellent and I encourage you to find it in the depths of the internet. Disney MIGHT air it, if nothing else than for the backlash, but since we really CAN'T count on disney for shit when it comes to queer issues, it's going here. If you want a more in depth dive into this episode, lookee here

11. Apology Tour (Helluva Boss S2, Episode 9)

"I don't think you meant to hurt me, cause I don't think it meant a thing at all"

Helluva Boss finally finished season 2 this year.. and I finally finished season 2 around the same time as Sinsmas as I'd sat on the show for too long. My depression's been peaking this year

So I shoved the show aside. I regret that as season 2b is for the most part excellent and the decision to wait a while and release the episodes more consitantly was a smart one: it not only gave Helluva some space from it's little big sibling's big debut, but it meant while the episodes still had a long weight they weren't left to be picked apart for months. Mostly a month.

The first half of the season was good, but had issues: sloppy pacing, the series worst episode, not really following up on the bombshell ending of season 1 from Blitzo's perspective, it was good.. but the cracks were setting in. And while some still remain in this batch, it's damn strong helped by an arc tha'ts been built up all series: Blitzo, the o is silent, everyone's faviorite dumpster fire imp murder machine and Stolas, everyone's faviorite disaster gay prince who thinks like a romance novel splitting up. Break up is a bit strong given the transactional sex nature, but it's a bomb that was in wait: Blitzo has a bad habit of pushing anyone who cares about hi m away and Stolas really never got to actually KNOW Blitzo as a person, seeing him as a way out of his awful marriage and an idealized prince and not an actual person whose a bit fucked up nor. With Neither adressing their actually problems, an explosion was ineveitble.

Hence Apology Tour, the fallout of the explosion after Stolas attempt at a three point grand romantic gesture brought out the dick in blitz, who couldn't fathom someone being nice, lashed out and not understanding why Blitzo thought so little of him , Stolas slammed the door in the fancy magic man way rather than actually talk about it.

Full Moon has a great ending and the blitzo subplot is graet.. but it wasted a lot of time with those two assfaces and collin. Apology Tour thankfully more than makes up for it, a character piece focusing on both men as they deal with the breakup poorly: Stolas tries to just keep distance, while Blitzo shows up, tries to get sex to prove he's worth something to his inferority complex and screams at Stolas for being gay. Blitz WANTS to make up for things.. but is so determined to not actually talk about his feelings he's at peak asshole.

So when Stolas actually cuts deep, asking if Blitz is even CAPABLE of apologizing, Blitzo does what he tends to do: be a dick in a showy way just to get back at someone instead of engaging why their pissed at him. The montage of him apologizing to his enmies is fun, that martha ms mayberry thing needs more shading in in season 3... like just a short or something to establish what the fuck is going on there.

The episodes heart though is an I Hate Blitzo party Verosika throws. The queen is back, looking fine and getting some depth: while she was a full on antagonist in her first apperance and there to make a bad day worse in her second, here we see some humanity from everyone's faviorite succubus: she geninely tries to comfort Stolas who feels miserable, wasting his one night of the year pass to earth on a party where everyone wallows in their hatred of Blitzo an ex that Stolas makes clear he's not over. Verosika is TRYING to geninely help, but can't grasp that the poor bird is still in mourning over what he thought he had and stabbing a cake in the dick isn't helping.

What helps is the episodes best segment and the second best song of the season, possibly even best Two Minute's Notice is just.. heavy competition. All 4 U is Bryce Pinkham's finest performance: while "You'll be Okay" showed off his pipes back in episode 2, All 4 U is a raw song, a indie rock guitar ballad where Stolas lays out his pain: how he realizes now Stolas is both a motherfucker (As Verosika and Vortex helpfully chime on chorus) and how he never actually meant to hurt him.. because their relationship meant nothing. It's a painful beautiful song.. and also dosne't asauge Stolas of his own guilt. While Verosika and Vortex TRY to blame it all on Blitz, Stolas is PAINFULLY aware he fucked up. Surrounded by memories of EVERY time he's clearly realized Blitz.. was never into this and he tried too hard: all the times he demeaned him without meaning too nad hurt him... he gets the rejection wasn't all on Blitz. Blitz is an asshole, easily, but Stolas is in pain partly because he KNOWS he did it and partly because he still WANTS him. He can't STOP wanting him. And it hurts.. and Blitz hurts realizing he was a bad person.

It leads to the second best scene of the episode as Blitz comforts Stolas, whose too drunk to put up a fuss but unloads.. and we get my faviorite exchange. A truly painful one that outlines why this didn't work. " I want to be someone's someone! I want to feel wanted, in a romantic way! Like, I'm standing in the rain at a train station and someone runs up shouting "HARRIET! DON'T GO ON THAT TRAIN! IT'S GOING TO LONDON AND I CANNOT BE WITHOUT YOU!" " "Oh Stolas.. that' sa romcom"

I've been where Stolas is, that need for someone , to fill the void inside.. not getting that won't help you get BETTER. And Blitz realizes that.. and realizes what it did mean, geninely trying to apologize.

The talk with verosika is no slouch, with Blitz trying to ocne again put up walls. We even get a nice rebuke of the whole "Well of course their assholes their in hell" argument that gets flung around. When Blitz tries that Verosika rebuffs it and reveals to us why she's so hung up on him: She said I love you and he ran three rings to wrath and maxed out her credit cards on shitty horse riding lessons. It confronts Blitz with the fact that while he belivies he's unloveable.. he's not.. and the number of people he's hurt proves it. He wants to be better.. but he dosen't know how. he's patched things up with one ex.. but his other seems to be moving on. That last part whent nowhere.. but there's still that pain realizing he ALMOST had something, and his own nerousis fucked it up. For now anyway but we'll get to that

10. Remember It (X-Men 97, S1 Episode 5) "The Names Gambit Mon Ami.... Remember It"

Since it aired it's felt like Remember It making this list was ineveitble. It's the episode that took X-Men 97 from a fantastic show, to the best x-men show of all time. An episode that deftly and perfectly adapts one of the defining moments of the comics, the massacre of genosha, with it's own style and flair, broke our hearts with Gambit's tragic end and got nominated for an emmy with it's creator barred from them because Disney would rather frame a man for misconduct than let him get his flowers and the Emmy were just.. okay with this.

Grumbling aside Remember It is a masterpiece and one of the best wham episodes i've ever seen. For those as not terminally on tv tropes as I am a Wham Episode is an episode of tv that changes the show fundemntally or promises to, with a shocking reveal or a big plot twist or what have you.

This episodes secret sauce though is hiding that fact. It sneak attacks you as the first half is a pretty standard plot following up on things from the season: Cyclops continuing his relationship with Maddy, the clone of Jean despite still being married to jean and her less than happy reaction to their psychic affair, Jean trying to come onto Logan, and of course more of the magneto-rouge-gambit love triangle.

Yeahhh the reason this is so low is the Magneto-Rogue-Gambit Love triangle sucks. I went deep into why in my review of 97 Season 1, but the short version: it makes Magneto into a groomer as while Rogue is an adult in her 20's, he's still old enough to be her foxy grandpa and still manipulates her and in present day, his method of wooing her is making her queen of a foreign nation without asking. In a show that has easily the best Magneto in animation, i't sa blotch. It's intended to make him human and put rogue's desire for sexy time against her connection with remy. It's a good idea but the excution is just baffling and brings this episode down a peg.

What keeps it on this list is it's good parts The first is scott motherfucking summer in his most accurate adaptation yet, a capable leader and world class badass whose an emotinally stunted mess, laying out why mutant lives arne't NORMAL in a rant.

The biggun of course.. is the bait and switch. In a moment we go from Maddie, Jean's clone long story watch the show, going outside to get a breather.. to her son Nathan running up as full cable begging to save her before being yanked away.. and then Maddie dies. And a lot of others with her.

In a moment reflecting showrunner Beau DeMayo's experinces with the pulse night club shooting and 9/11, we're at the ground floor of a horrifying massacre. The orignal in New X-Men was horrific in how FAST it was. In minutes millions of mutants were dead, the x-men could do nothing in time, and the world changed. Here we're on the ground: three x-men are present along with some of the most powerful mutants in existance.. and they still can do nothing. Magneto whips the monsterous sentinel responsible with a motherfucking train, uses all of his power.. and only dosen't end up dead because the big bad wanted him alive. Rogue, easily one of the strongest x-men and a brick house tha'ts mighty mighty, is swatted aside. Gambit can throw stuff but none can do anything. This sequence is incredible, showing the powerlessness sin such a slaughter and the sheer trauma it puts on someone. It's the kind of event that leaves a bloody mark on history and cannot, SHOULD NOT be forgotten.

And like most massacres against the disinfranchised it only ends in one way.. with more blood. In this case Remy after Rogue FINALLY realized she loved him but never got to say, gets horribly imapled. And graphically. This series does not shy away from violence. And rather than just die he goes out with a quip and making himself an dthe monster he faces blow up real good. The episode ends somberly on Rogue weeping over his death, invoking va lenore zahn's lost of her niece and signaling this series will never be the same. Remember it is fucking brilliant and if you haven't seen x-men 97, please do.

9. The Sign (Bluey S3 Episode 49)

"Am I making a mistake?" "Probably.. but let's make it together" So i'm late the party, but I finally got into Bluey this year, thanks to this very episode. The huge buzz around it's release from fellow animation nerds had me curious so I watched a few that were recommended.. then some more and before I knew it i'd watched most of it's three seasons.

Bluey is a throughly charming show, keenly deserving of it's massive succes. It's a show that's meant for younger viewers, teaches lessons but unlike most shows, it dosen't talk down to young children. it's made in a way adults and older kids can enjoy too, as you can empathize both with the childish wonder of our lead, her sister and thier various friends, relatives and whatever sort of delightful stygian goblin muffin is

And see the adults side. It's a show that somehow covered Bingo imitating any animal she wears a onsie of and the chaos that insues and Chilli's estraingment with her sister who stayed distant because being around her nieces reminded her she can't have children. It's a show that's warm, loving and utterly brilliant.

And given this is me it took me a long time to get to creator Joe Brumm's swan song as I knew it would emotoinally wreck me.. and I was right. The Sign is Bluey's first half hour special, the other episodes being 8 minute shorts all bundled together and while there's an episode after it , it's the proper finale to the season and to Joe Brumm's time as showrunner.

The Sign has been a fully admited test run to see if Bluey could handle a longer story for a movie and even before that movie's recent greenlight, it was clear yes they could. It's helped by picking two massive events in the heeler's life that perfectly mesh together, nicely zigging in and out of each other. It's amazing how well the creators got this episode to just flow, and to keep up a nice array of jokes despite the heavy topics. Bluey's utter joy at getting to ride shotgun and Chilli carefully checking to make sure it's legal (and a police officer doing the same thing later), is such a briliant gag. It also has plenty of muffin, always a plus.

The first is a big downer: Bandit's gotten what he feels is a better job, and is uprooting the family for it. Bingo is oblivous to the reality of the move and Chilli is trying to be supportive leaving Bluey the only one who wants out. We get a truly soulcrushign scene when she tells her friends, them all hugging her and sobbing. Her teacher Calypso tries to cheer her up with a fable, but she misnterprets rolling with life's hardships as "everything will work out which means we'l lescape. "

This rolls nicely into the other big plot: it's the wedding of Frisky, Chilli's best friend since childhood and Rad, Bandit's brother. The two debuted and had their meet cute in my faviorite episode of the series, Double Babysitter. It's one of the first I watched, entirely because I knew it set up this one... and it is glorious. The two were shown on holiday in the christmas episode and here they get married.

And look I love wedding episodes so much kev paid me to make a top 12 wedding episode lists this year, which has one of my faviorite art pieces i've done

So I was an easy sell, doubly so after seeing Double Babysitter. The episode does well with it: the heeler's family is all present, everyone's ready to go.. then Stripe bandit's younger brother does an oopsie and mentions rad plans to have Frisky move with him to near the oil rig without having actually talked this through with her. Rad is thankfully just very bad with people, but this casues Frisky to snap and the resulting argument sends her on the run and declaring the wedding is off.. which is bad for bluey as Frisky was told to remove the 4sale sign and bluey thinks this stops it because she's a children

We then get some fun shenanignas as Chilli has to go chase our runaway bride and while she intends to leave the kids, who want to go for personal reasons or just a ride in the car, they find a perfectly hilaroius reason not to with every kid nearly telling Rad's mom about the disaster because kids have no filter and thus Chilli is sent on an epic quest

What follows is what clinches the episode: after a bunch of shenanigns that are perfectly hilarous, Chilli goes to her and Frisky's old hang out where they used to think.. and also smoke a dooby or twoobie. It's here we get the perfect intersection: part of Chilli's freakout, besides the entirely resonable pissyness over the rad situation is her best friend leaving.. and Chilli finally reveals she DOSEN'T want to leave. Leave her best friend, the house her family has been raised in.. she just wants ot be supportive. And seeing her mom finally be honest gets Bluey to embrace change. And Rad being a good dude whose just a tad awkawrd, can relate, apologizes and decides not to move.

It's this that helps them blend so perfectly: Rad like Bandit is making a rash decision based on what he thinks what's best and has to see the real effect it has. He likely dosen't back out sooner simply because the house is sold. But when the buyers back out to buy winton's dad's house so he and winton can move in with the terriers nad their mum, shoutout to winton, we get our joyous ending as Bandit rips the fucking sign out, and the family all has takeaway.

The Sign is a callback filled wonderland, a truly heartrending episode and a vicotry lap for bluey's best season. It also has Stripe passing out drunk in the bushes next door because Wendy can't make it out of anything unscathed apparently. Hopefully Stripe isn't heading for divorce. Maybe check the sink mate see if hot dogs are there

Okay while we process that ineveitble divorce onto

8. Sinsmas (Helluva Boss S2, Episode 12)

"Have a great fucking life with him dad"

Back to Helluva Boss and to the most recent episode and one of the series best. Admitely this one was an easy sell for me: it's an octavia episode. Loo Land is still one of my faviorites and while Seeing Stars is a mess, the stuff with her and Loona is heartwrenching and adorable. I hope even with what happened here, Loona still mentors her little sis. The fact i've had the little emo ace on the brain as I ship her with Sasha from amphibia probably dosen't help. My crossover ships are weird and numerous and I find this one adorable and the being ace (not aro) adds a nice lair of things and is something I hope the show brings up outside of the pride photo confirming everyone's sexualities, as we need more ace representation in our animation. She could party with Todd

But while I have my bias... this episode is just plain amazing on it's own. While what i've seen of Mastermind is decent, Andy's plan makes no sense and only works because he was working over someone whose kinks are racisim and classim but the status quo change is phenominal: Stolas is now left broke and powerless, while having proven beyond a shadow of a doubt he cares for blitz, while Blitzo, after episodes of dealing with his darkest demons, realizing he dosen't ruin everything (Ghostfuckers barely didn't make the cut), and becoming a better person for a change, caped off by telling the ruler of hell's vice principal to go fuck himself, has rewarded him with fame, adoration and the knowledge his daughter loves him.

But it leaves thing in an intresting place and while I expected to wait between seasons for the fallout, i'm delighed Sinsmas instead bakes in it. With Andrealphus and Stella keeping Octavia from calling her dad because it's how they get off, Stolas is left spinning out, not dealing with his transition to working class life well, not helped by being out of meds. It' sa nice bit of spiraling as while Stolas sacrifcing himself was brave, and the right thing... it was still an impulse decision that he didn't expect to have to live with. Stolas fully expected to die a brave hero saving the love of his life... and instead has to live with the consequences of doing the right thing and the hurt it brings to the only person in his old life he ever really loved.

The good news is Blitz.. is actually in a place for a healthy relationship, and we see the guy at his sweetest: he makes breakfast, realizes maybe eggs were a poor choice, robs clothing stores (which explains his slick wordroebe in the funneist way possible) and catches rats for his sorta boyfriend and tries to calm him down. It's this landing that makes the arc strong for me: After sinking to his lowest.. Blitz is actually trying to change for the better. He's still his weird ass profane as hell self, but he's no longer the sexually harassing bitter hate filled man who assumed the worst of everyone. He's not going to be a ray of sunshine, but it's heartwarming ot see after two seasons of Blitz digging himself deeper, he's TRYING to change. As we've seen with shows like bojack horseman, change is an uphill battle and he'll no doubt have issues.. but it's ncie to see Blitz as something resembling his best self.

And that extends to the titular holiday: while Blitz is working on sinsmas it's not to force his employees to work, but to let them enjoy themselves as sinsmas is about enduging your sin and he already nearly burned down his apartment once while the office is insured. So M and M have some sexy violence (My faviorite bit being her showing up behond a white bord to sock him and his happy awee when she kisses him after) and Loona to gorge herself on snacks, while Stolas gets a job (his oh fuck i'm poor is delightful)

Sadly the team gets a bitch of a client who wants to murder he gay ex for "probably" cheating on her and leave her kids orphans. Blitz only agrees because she sucks but the remidner of his failings leads to Stolas going to see his daughter..... just as Octavia gets a very sad song steeling herself up to be alone, her mom and uncle ignoring her and finding her dad.. was addicted to depression meds just to function and as is her way, blaming herself for her dad's issues and going to give him his pills.

While this sitcom misunderstanding happens, we get another nice show of blitz's character development. once again the target is a happy family.. but this time... Blitz can't do it and dosen't berate Moxxie for it. All he sees is what he COULD have: him, stolas and their daughters all happy, an image that just thinking about it makes me tear up and despite Loona offering and Millie badly wanting to and strangely being unersonable, he can't. He cancels the contract, yeets a karen out a window and then runs into his new step daughter and realizes "oh fuck my boyfriends confronting his ex in law who can kill him"

Granted before Andrealphus can actually try to kill him we get a cathartic as hell face beating. While Andy heals becaues Goetia can do that, it's so damn nice to see Stolas not listen to his ranting and just beat his ass. It's even nicer when even when stolas is kidnapped, the reste of Imp makes a meal of beating his ass down, an eppic winter showdown with Loona suddenly pulling direwolf forms out of her ass, blitzo being a knight complete with lance and Millie ramboing up. I'ts one of the series best fights in a show that's fucking great at them and cumilates in octavia saving her dad, and guests and blackmailing her uncle into not finishing as he was beaten by commoners and all and Stella is not good at keeping secrets unless she's too dumb to realize why their secret.

Yet the parting of father and daughter.. is bitter and painful. Octavia breaks from her dad, convinced the pills were her and having been lied too so much. Yeah the pills thing is a reach.. but her not beliving in her dad.. makles sense. Stolas loves his daughter.. but LOVE isn't the same as being a good parent. He's neglected her due to his marraige falling apart and then the divorce, openly obessed over the man who as far as octavia knows broke up a working marriage instead of a deeply horrible one neither had a choice in. It's the cumilation of Stolas faults biting him in the ass: his inablility to see what others feel, to take the time to take care of them, and putting his fantasy version of reality over what's in front of him , the same things tha tcost him Blitz fo ra time... cost him his daughter. His quiet "she hates me" after is devistating as is the nice montage of everyone getting ready to party as blitzo (who nicely ate coals to warm up), cuddles him. he's jut there, alone utterly devistated.

But in some heartwarming bits.. he's not. Moxxie warmly offers him cookies and I swear once Stolas recovers a bit they'll be best pals. Blitz is gonna hate it :B! At while Loona seemds.. happy having kept the friends from Queen Bee and eager to have everyone join in games.

Millie is less than as we get a pregnancy cliffhanger but it's easy to see why she's overwhelmed: she won't be able to do what she loves, having a kid is expensive and her husband was stripping off his clothes while screaming BANKRUPTCY two episodes ago. Her friend group is not exactly "chill" at the best of times. These panic attacks will be glorious.

But Blitz recognizes Stolas needs him and offers his unconfditonal support ina beautfiul scnee; He hasn't given up reconcling with his siter.. and Stolas dosen't have to give up reconcling with his daughter. she just needs time.. and for now.. they ahve each other and we get a beautful dance as these two pass by being a transactional fucking, a disaster, bitter exes and awkawrd friends... and finally become the couple the series has been buliding too. Will this happiness last? probably not.... but being there for someone is being there for the bat shit too.. and the ending shot, Blitzo hugging stolas while stolas stands there and soaks it in, is proof they can make it. and that season 3's gonna be something special.

7. Hell to Pay (Legend of Vox Machinas S3, Episode 4)

"I’m not even sure you knew you were lying"

Like Helluva Boss, legend of Vox Machina is one of my faviorite shows right now. Not concidentally both are a fixture on this list. I crunched the numbers recently seeing how many spots overall shows got and with this list Vox Machina and Helluva Boss are tied for second with 7 a piece, passing amphibia's 6 and behind Owl House's whopping 10.

Vox Machina's also our reining champ having topped last year's list with Rise of the Chroma Conclave, and it was certainly welcome to try again. And Season 3 brought it: It had some issues, the back half is a big jangly with one big exception we'll get to, but it's still a hilaroius, heartbreaking badass tail of a bunch of misifts thrust into saving the world.

This year took even more liberties with the campaign and one of the biggest success stories from that was Zerxus. Zerxus didn't exist yet when the campaign legend of vox machina was based off of happened, coming instead years later for the spinoff prequel Exandria Unlimited: The Calamity.

For those who haven't gobbled up every bit of critical roll lore they could because their a thirsty bitch like me, The Clamaity is the big event in backstory that shaped this world and barred the gods from it after a war between the nicer ones nad the eviler ones wrecked the world. The Clamity shows HOW that happened as a bunch of misguided high class types who ended up being the players did an oopsie and the apolcalypse happened. I don't know much more as I want to experince this one and hope it gets a movie or mini series some day as Zerxus left a hell of an impression.

Zerxus was a high minded man who loved his family and made the mistake of trying to make a demon god better. We hadn't got to see him in the present day so Legend of Vox Machina ups his roll to let us see it, bringing back his player Luis Carazo. Carazo is one of the two main reasons this ep made the list, as Zerxus is one of the series best vilians thus far and it's hinted he'll be back for the final arc.

Zerxus in the show is the ideal of a demon: cordial, clever, powerful.. and scheming as hell, zeroing in on pike. He has the plate of the dawnmaryr, one of the last vestiges our heroes need and the only one that can properly counter Thordak as he won it in a card game. No really he won it from an immortal dragon who neglected to mention that part when she told our heroes about it. So half the party is in hell. Hell here is a truly horrifying desolate place: people beg for death, the demon designs ar ehorrifyign (even our heroes disguises) and while ther'es some humor there's an overwhelming sense of dread and hoplessness. Our heroes only find Zerxus.. because he figures their looking for him as if you say the devils name enough times he's liable to here it.

It's a bad place to be... and especaily for the focus of this episode, Pike. Pike is the team's cleric and her goddess the everlight warns her against going.. but the team NEEDS this so we see the poor gnome slowly degrade. Her god has abndoned her and her attempt to help someone only gets everyone nearly killed. She's in a place beyond hope, beyond her god, and beyond her usual cheerful give no fuck attidue.

And that's where the episode gets intresting as Zerxus senses that and having understandable issues with his own god, is determined to pull a heretic on her. And unlike Hugh Grant rather than just mansplane and mimic jar jar binks he hammers in on her doubts, on her need to SEEM like she belivies, on every insecurity.. and challenges her to a card game for her soul. Because Yugioh doesn't have a patent on that, she agrees.. and looses as it's also a game of questions and if you lie, even if it's also to yourself, yoru cards burn.

So Pike has to gamble everyone's soul. Thankfully her mothers gone but her friends aren't so lucky, and also aren't able to consent as their stuck in a glass box. At least they have plush chairs up in this bitch. It's a fascinating character study and helps deepen pike: while she had an arc in season 1, mostly to give Ashly Johnson something to do as she was absent for most of that arc in the web show and couldn't be added back in without breaking the arc in half, here they take advantage of her being in the show more by really diving into her and the question of gods: the everlight is her god.. but how much of her belief his her and how much is her god? When is faith leaning too heavily on someone especially someone who isn't some unknowable being but you know.

Zerxus makes a mistake in his attempts to lecture: he gives his backstory: he and his friends did a stupid, wee were over this.. but the part I glossed over and that undoes him is his family: he did this so his husband and son would be safe.. and naturally making a deal with the devil his god removed their memories. So Pike asks a question: do you wish they were here suffering with you. And while he denies it as pike put it in the quote... he was lying to himself. Pike wins and our heroes get the plate. Granted they have to outrun Zerxus pit fiend because he only needs pike for his evil plan..

This episode at it's core is a spectacular game of chance, will and breaking your opnent and I loved every second of it. It's a series high point for Ashley Johnson and I can't wait to see where this goes next season.

6. ...And Be A Villain (Batman: Caped Crusader S1 Episode 2)

"I don't believe your performance. Your chewing on scenery to enhance weak characterization. It's insincere Basil, it's not real"

So Batman Caped Crusader fucks.

Caped Crusader is a glorious noir return to tv animation for batman after a long nap after they screwed over beware the batman and brave and the bold. While Paul Dini is back, he alongside fellow batman legend and catwoman's real dad Ed Brubaker, do something different, a slightly darker world set in a more socially open 1940's where he can have the government be corrupt from the top down without networks whining "the government can't be corrupt! Children need to have faith in the government!"

So we get a gotham where a few honest people are the only one's fighting against a corrupt system, and while batman can put away the varoius freaks of the weak, it's going to be harder cutting out the cancer at the center alone.

Yet while this is a darker take it refeshingly dosen't stick to just a grim grounded tone as much of batman does in adaptations. While I love Matt Reeves the Batman, it's nice to have variety and while Caped Crusader is a bleak work at times, it remembers to have fun and that while batman's dark.. he can also be camp. The first episode has penguin as a female (and awesome) crime boss who will kill her own children if necessary, she also has a giant umbrella shaped canon on top of her umbrella shaped dockside yacht as her main weapon. The third episode has a catwoman who rather than the complex thief I prefer, is a spoiled socialite who steals batman's bit to fund her lifestyle and army of cats. We get outright supernatural villians with the racist and classist gentleman ghosts and the tragically selfish vampire child nocturna. There's an overaching story.. but the show also gleefully embraces being episodic ala BTAS: while every episode contributes something to the larger arc, each one stands alone beautifully allowing for the sharp character focus of BTAS while still bringing something diffrent to the table.

That brings us to this episode, my faviorite to watch out of the season. We'll get to my overall faviorite but while that episode is a hard but awesome watch due to it's ending, this one is just good damn fun with a clever mystery and nice character building.

In this case the focus is on Renee Montoya, who eats good this series, probably helped that the man who redefined her in Gotham Central and 52, Ed Brubaker, was head writer for season one and wrote this episode. Also as my fellow reviewer Serum Lake has said if you like this show, read Gotham Central. It's a police procedural from the view of the GCPD's honest cops and it's damn good. Batman isn't an active character but more a presence and it's a brilliant series.

Here Renee is one of the only honest cops as usual for this franchise, having been recently promoted by Gordon and is resented by other cops because well.. she's a woman, and they see her as having gotten the position on that and not the fact she actually does her fucking job and dosen't take bribes. Which should be the bare minimum for a cop but wether your in gotham or real life, apparently isn't.

While Batman's around this episode, he nicely sinks into the background: Renee's the one doing the leg work and like most white men Bruce is content to leech off the work of a succesful person of color. I'm not even Kidding.. mostly. He's not asking for help because this batman is at a stage where he refuses help and calls his dad "Pennyworth" he's not exactly okay and the series isn't treating this like "okay", just a pramatic step so batman dosen't have to do the same work someone just as good at detectiving is twice, nor doe she want her credit. He just wants the same thing she does: the case solved.

The case revolves around the murder of a starlet, and soon wraps into one Basil Karlo, a vetrain actor who plays "the heavy", the bad guy, and badly wanted to be dramatic but with his face couldn't get the part. So as you can probably guess, he decides to kill for it, a nice nod to his first apperance. This clayface isn't a nigh unstoppable monster, but a thorughly human one: a man who desperate for his co stars love and the public's praise, took a shady chemical from a back alley doctor and become a malformed lump of a man.. but one who could remold his face.. Yet he still got rejected.. not because of his face.. but because Yvonne, his costar, simply was never intrested.

So rather than accept this, Basil decides to instead accept he is the villian and we get a thriling story buildling up to that reveal as he imitates several people: he can't turn his body into a weapon like modern clayface, but he can make his face whatever. Basil is a fantastic villian, and not just because he and batman fucking swordfight, which is as dope as it sounds. He's a man who felt rejected by society.. but in reality simply was an entitled bastard who while tragic to an extent ,focused on the wrong things. While it's in a very 40's context it's hard not to parallel basil with the various incels littered aroudn the internet: an angry man who blames his self loathing and issues on everyone else. Basil is a fun ham but as Yvonne puts out his actual satisfactoin with being the bad guy.. is artifice. He's a bitter person who can't accept life sucked for him but he still had a pretty good one.

It's fitting the person solving his case is a woman and hte person beating his face in is someone whose also not handling his trauma well.. but ultimately wants to help people. Batman may be rougher, colder here.. but he's doing this to save people and Renee can see that. Despite the odds against her she solves the case, and gets the credit.. kinda. I mean corrupt assholes Bullock and Flass tease her about batman but given he kicks their ass next episode what goes around comes around. More on them later. For now Renee has a new ally and basil can be the bell of the prison's production of pirates of pinsance.

This episode has wonderful atmosphere, a real theatrical quality> While I haven't watched a ton of 1940s films, this really has that feel just a good noir with a nice new take on an old favorite that harkens back to his earliest appearances. Basil might not show up again, at least not next season but man.. what a performance.

5. Gwimbly: Definitive Remastered Enhanced Extended Edition DX 4K (Anniversary Director's Cut) (Smiling Friends S2 Episode 1)

"I Swear to god if I had my Gwimbly gun on me right now man i'd.."

After a year off Smiling Friends came back and better than ever. Well mostly, still not pleased about having Doug Walker cameo after his tommy wiseau level bullshit as a director and general ambivalence to the mistreatment of the rest of Channel Awesome, but that's a rant for another day.

Still i'm not going to hold it against Gwimbly: Not typing out all those subtitles had to copy paste it in the first place. It was the showcase that smiling friends was not only back but had improved: with a bigger budget Hadel and Cusak took things to new heights and came out of the gate with an ambitious bonkers idea: what if our heroes helped a homeless ps1/n64 either collectathon mascot abandoned by time and his company get his groove back. Well Pim's trying Alan just wants to spray him with dirty brown water.

Gwimbly arrives in all his polygonal and prolapsed anus glory, with Pim determined to help his friend and Alan only doing it to get a homeless man off his lawn. Alan is.. a bit of a prick this season and it's hilarious. The creators clearly realized fans loved the guy and his potetial and rather than do what I assumed, fuck with that expectation, they instead make Alan a part of more plots and his dry, not giving a fuck nature makes for comedy gold, paticuarlly his spotlight which missed the list but can HANG out with me, and smoke weed, and fill our bellies with DIET soda and play Burnout Revenge for the PS Two.

Here he makes a nice partner for Pim.. and proves while Charlie may be awful at his job and barely giving a fuck.. he at least.. tries. In just one day in the field Alan dropkicks an innocent woman who "startled" him and constantly asks if he can just drop Gwimbly wherever including a graveyard.

Gwimbly is also great satire of the modern game landscape: The CEO of the company that made Gwimbly is a grotesque asshole whose best known for a meme i've had endless use for and is easily the season's best line

And sends his latest creation to go murder our heroes for crowdfunding a gwimbly game after his company pivoted to fps.

We get some truly fantastic gags. Gwimbly threatning to use his Gwimbly gun, his former antagonists weird wife and his sidekick mr milipede getting a smash cut to his grave, having died of Fentnyl. The climax where the ceo gets killed by his own creation and said creation and gwimbly decide to do a mascot fighter is heartwarming. Also Charlie has a subplot with an angry asshole. It's okay, and mostly notable for the guy ripping Charlie's nose o off..a nd thent he cut back later to Charlie calcmly trying to call 911 to get an ambulence while the douchey client who won't leave tries to bully him. It's the funneist episode of the year , one of the most insane and a good sign for the series future.

4. Mutant Liberation Begins (X-Men 97 S1 Episode 2)

"Charles Xavier entrusted me with his dream, and it does not ask you to love or embrace my kind as your own, but merely to accept that this is a shared world with a common future, and that my kind, like yours, have the right to live in it. I am trying to be better. Please...do not make me let you down..."

I fucking love Magneto. and even with the stupid ass grooming subplot, X-Men 97 does a damn good magneto. It portrays him as the complex asshole he is: a man who genuinely wants to help his people, who will say never again, and who will kick ass, but WANTS to be better than his violenty groomy past. Someone whose taken things to an extreme.. but you can see after all he's been through WHY he got there.

MLB is a great second episode. While To Me My X-Men was a great intro, showing off Cyclops and Storm properly and setting everything up, MLB is where the series starts to really cook, bringing in the complex themes. While x-men media hasn't been afraid to talk about race or opression using the mutnat metaphor, 97 gets into how endless it feels.. how it just KEEPS coming and how hard Xavier's dream of coexistance is. It feels extra relevant after Disney's sacking of the shows creator for being this blunt and the horrifying results of the election, that this isn't new. History repeats or as behind the bastards host and guy I deeply respect Robert Evans put sit "It's cool how people don't learn anything ever"

And while other episodes rip right into it better, I like MLB for doing that and being an outstanding magneto character piece. He's trying to honor his absent friend.. but he's still an arrogant dick. Being an x-man dosen't take erik's arrogance away. He' still smug as hell as he asks why the x-men never bothered to send the morlocks to saftey in genosha now it's a free country and not a hell hole, his mutant power still kills fascists.. he's just tampering it down to maiming them. He's doing a noble thing.. but in the most dickish most magneto way possible and its easy to see why the x-men aren't easy with thier new leader.

The Rogue's stuff's better here as she encourages him to pull his head out of his ass and we hadn't got to "They say i'm robbing the cradle but she's robbing the grave" yet.

Magneto gets a grand stage to lay out his ideas when the UN comes to arrest him. Because they can do that apparently. He stops all their helicopters and makes it clear it was a stupid move to not magneto proof thier helicopters. Seriously you.. you guys are HQ'd in new york same as the x-men and live in a universe with the x-men, the avengers, the fantastic four and spider-man all in it. You didn't think to have quinjets or hulkbuster tanks to take on the most dangerous man alive?

It's only for the grace of proving he's changed their not all reduced to a pile of blood and metal and Magneto agrees to the trial.. but defends what he's done: he did what he had to, he's seen the holocaust, and he has one simple code: never again. He calls them out for their hypocricy, for the show trial nature of things.

Then the racists hit. Beau really just said "let's have a january 6th allegory" and i'm here for it with the friend sof humanity storming the UN. When a racist on the panel wonders whyt heir trying to killh im Magneto says it simply "your giving the monster a trial"

The x-men defend and we get a great scene with the FOH's leader the x-cutioner, a bigot who loudly complains about how mutants won't just shut up and how HE has problems but he isn't whining.. to Scott Summers. The may whose dad got shot up into space, grew up an orphan, can't look anyone in the eye, had his wife die twice, and had a weird man fuck with his life and will have him do it again. What i'm saying with this is fuck your first world problem and it's telling real bigots latched onto the scene missing the point.

We also get a neat subplot as Maddy goes into labor. I love her shenanigans with logan: making his car a convertible and the intimal confrontation with him thinking "he's here" means apolcaypse or something and having to be told "the baby you idiot". I also love Rogue (who brought Cyke to the hopsital mid insurrection) sapping a racist doctor's knowledge to deliver the baby. Brilliant stuff.

But the true heart is what happens. While the x-men valiantly do their best, the x-cutioner has a nasty suprise: a neutralizer gun. He aims it at erik.. and Storm takes it. And Erik.. does not take it well, watching a strong, powerful mutant who had done nothing but try to help people crawl weekly in shock he says: ENOUGH and gives the speech above, lifting the un council and the x-cutioner into the sky and making clear he could kill them all if he wanted.. but he won't. They don't have to like mutantkind.. but they should be allowed to exist. He's trying to be better. please don't let him down. Sadly.. they do. But as swerve said, story for another time.

3. Souls in Darkness (Legend of Vox Machina S3 Episode 12)

"Percy... this isn’t how I wanted to do this. And gods know all this attention would appall you but... That day with you in Syngorn when you stood next to me and allowed me to be a part of something that you hold dearest. I... I was so proud. You stood up for me and I... I lied to you. I lied to myself. I hate that I was too afraid to admit it. You’re fascinating, and... obstinate, and... and the cleverest man I know. You have to find your way back to us Percy. Because the truth is... I love you, darling. My heart... It's yours."

As I alluded too in the "hell to pay" entry, the last act of season 3 was bumpy. They tried to thread a lot of stuff together, and while ther'es awesome highs like the battle with thordak, the period between that and the finale was rocky, splitting everyone up for time and not working like it had before.

What did was the ending, which also ended a cleverly addded subplot: in both the original game and the show Percy, my baby boy, dies. He forgave his arch enemy Ana Ripley, let go of vengance.. and got a bullet for it. While his ressurection was frought in the game, with Ashley Johnson coming in special just to make sure pike could help him feeling guilty for the team not having a healer when percy died, here.. it sticks. The team dosen't have anyone who can do it and Percy is dead. Granted most of us felt this woudln't stick.. but I applaud the decision to let it ride: to let that pain fester: Vex feels guilt for not admitting how she felt, pushing him away due to her daddy issues, and Scanlan regrets not being there to help.

The good news is the series had a loop hole. Our heroes get Anna Ripley's gun from her corpse and Vax slowly hears something inside. Percy is alive.. but in a horrifying twist (one hinted at in the show but shown in full here) Orthax, the shadowy ghoul that he accidnetly made a deal with and who slowly possed him over season 1, has him.

Our heroes have to wrap up other buienss first and the first act finishes where the last episode: Raishan has played our heroes, their alliance being so she could get thordak's corpse, escape her curse and become a necrodragon.. and wanting vengance against the ashari, she traps Keyleth with her. Thankfully kiki's grown as a person and awesomely dispatches one of the series best villians (a truly awesome performance by cree summers) by turning into an earth titan then using Raishan's own corpse to pump her new body full of curse and blow her up real good.

This part is excellent, finally giving Keyleth some shine (as did the previous two eps) and letting her get revenge on her tormentor who played her friends the best way possible. She and Vax alsof inally confirm it's offical. Thank god.

But it's not over as during the fight Vax used the pepperbox.. and heard percy inside. Percy is alive, he's trapped... and his brother in law's gonna go save him. As usual for the show ressurection is not easy. It dosen't seem easy in dnd, but in fiction you can't just have casual resurrection without death meaning nothing. And unless you question that like x-men did in the krakoan age, the good and bad of it it can be tedious. So instead Ressurection is really hard.. especially since the person they had do one last time is now dead. RIP Cash, Will please do more voice acting.

So we get a tense sequence as PIke restores the body and the party has to keep it alive while Vax dives into hell despite his matron warning him he will be punished if he spits in the face of death. But Percy is family.. and Vax won't abandon him.

Orthax's realm is helish: all of percy's previous targets are horrifying corpse and percy himself is stuck ona n eternal forge bereft of memories while Vax risks being stuck there too... until.. Vex reaches out... confessing to percy as quoted above in Laura Bailey's most beautiful bit of acting series wide. It's love that saves Percy from his own guilt and his worst enemy, and it's the love of a brother that gets him out of there as Vax pulls his brother out.

The ending is also joyous.. likely because they didn't know if they'd get ot do season 4, so rather than scanlan bitterly parting ways, he plans to leave with his daughter and everyone else decides to take a break from being a party: Vex and Percy are going back to whitestone, Vax is going to help his girlfriend finish the Armente they need to actually define in show, and Pike and Grog are gonna.. go save people they guess. We get a truly beautfiul song to close this out, Circle the World, which shows off Scanaln's evelopment and is a nice parting song... and an omnius cliffhanger shows we're not done.

Souls in darkness is an episode that serves as the perfect caper to everything that's come. Like the end of season 1 the final conflict isn't the big bad.. but saving one of their own. Vox Machina is ultimately about a family of choiec, a group who loves each other even if they'll verbally tear each other apart and this a beautiful showcase of that and of my favorite characters. I'll truly miss them when the series wraps.

2. Night of the Hunters (Batman Caped Crusader S1 Episode 4)

"He'll Talk"

Night of the Hunters is a perfect episode, one that had a damn good shot at being the year's best episode. Night of the Hunters takes everything that makes Caped Crusader great, condenses it into half an hour and the results are fantastic.

Previously on Batman Caped Crusader

Also Catwoman was there and made the mistake of humiliating detectives Bullock and Flask. In this show Bullock isn't the gruff man who should probably still be fired but at least believes in justice guy we know and love from the comics and BTAS, but a corrupt monster, working closely with his partner detective Flass , a big piece of shit in any medium. The two gladly bring up the idea of roughing up suspects as their go to, inform for Thorne and Penguin and genuinely just suck. So when Selina Kyle got off on a technicality and made the two look stupid, not to mention scratching Bullocks face, the two decided to murder her. Batman had to stop it and kicked some cop ass, hooray, but did so on film to make sure Catwoman actually went to jail this time.

This being the alternate 40's, cops are viewed with actual respect and not as an orginzation that BADLY needs reform filled with people who think their gods I tell you gods who will arrest striking workers because they were created for the upper class. Thankfully Caped Crusader is aware of this irony and is one of the best depections of police i've seen: a few people, not suprisingly of color are trying, but the bulk of the system is corrupt, horrible and more than willing to resort to force.

Still the good side is the one that gets to try and catch the batman. Renee Montoya, who we talked about earlier, gets the task force head as her solution isn't throw wave after wave of her own men after them but clever tactics. She sets up fake crimes, and only fails because the Batman is one step ahead. It also turns out he's been reading thier strategies, as we find out in the most hilaroius scene in the show: Gordon is working late, goes into the task force room and finds batman and the two just.. sit there for a beat and drink in the absurdity, fully absorb this then the chase begins.

Montoya brings in an expert, Harleen Quinzel, her future girlfriend and the current Harley Quinn but the latters for an episode we're not talking about today. She explains Batman's biggest draw is someone who matches his freak: Super crime. The kinds that aren't easy for gpd. Masked bandits and such. Given he fights a ghost a few episodes after this and punched a clay man in the face a bunch in a previous entry on this list, she's not wrong.

Montoya has the obvious solution: fake a super criminal, a clever plan that doesn't get executed because Bullock and Flass go for the easiest , stupidest, bloodiest , fastest method: they essentially kidnap Firebug, an arsonist in a grey suit to burn down the east end.

Firebug is an also ran in the comics, here more resembling firefly, but with a disturbing and wonderfully horrific twist: He's a meek unassuming man... who assumes everyone would be happier in the flame. In the second best sequence of the episode, he imagines everyone as happy animated flames, the joy they'll have consumed by the fire. It's the best version of either character i've seen and it's fucking horrific.

Helping this is his voice actor, the legendary Tom Kenny. While Tom has gotten a lot of flexibility in his long career, this is one of his best rolls, which says something. The meekness, the tired way he is.. then the expressiveness when Firebug gets to do his "sacred duty" it's truly haunting.

The climax is horrific and perfect: Flass and Bullock hyjack a bunch of swat members with one goal: kill batman. They don't care that Firebug is killing a bunch of innocent people, their an acceptable casualty. Gordon and the Bat disagrees with Jim going in HIMSELF to save the people whose beat he once walked, the poor and desperate.. and works with Bruce working in concert with him.

Sadly this leaves Firebug vunerable. He's out of fire.. but Flass can't let him squel and tells bullock to kill him. And in the series best shot, he does.. killing him and standing stone faced in the window, any hope of redemption gone. Gordon tries to fire him.. but all the public sees is a hero cop.. and Gordon is left broken wondering what the hell his purpose is. Night of the Hunters is a dark, brutal episode of television and one of my faviorites.

Masquerade (Hazbin Hotel S1, episode 4)

"It's time to loose your self loathin, excuse yourself let hope in. Play your card be who you are, a loser , just like.." "Are they fuckin singin?!"

This glorious #1 was a surprise to me. While I expected Masquerade, and Hazbin Hotel in general to place, I didn't expect it to win. I'd pegged other episodes for that spot.. but when thinking things out, comparing episode... this was the winner. As good as night of the hunters is, as close as this race was... Hazbin always came out on top and after three previous years the Hellaverse as a whole has finally gotten it's flowers.

Hazbin Hotel is excellent. Season 1 may wove way faster than it should've for space reasons, but damn if it wasn't a good time. The songs were all beautiful, the cast was perfection, and the visuals gorgeous, while the characters were as loveable, complicated and in in most of our villians cases intentionally punchable in the best way as Helluva's cast. It's a messy good time and I ca'nt wait to see where it goes this year.

Masquerade is the standout and it' shelped by narrowing focus. While it ends up being important to the series as a whole, Masquerade has nothing to do with the overarching plot of Original Fuckboy Adam's imminent genocide, being an intimate character piece dealing with everyone's faviorite power bottom at rock bottom Angel Dust.

Masquerade is a rough watch: most of the time we see Angel, it's him confidently deflecting, making sex jokes and doing sexual harassment to Husk. Yet episode 2 gave us peaks behind the mask: he's geninely hurt when Charlie seemingly writes him off (If not unfairly) and we see just how horrible his pimp/slavemaster/general piece of shit valentino is to him, emotoinally gaslighting him and planning to murder everyone in the hotel over Angel daring to.. live somewhere else.

Valentino is one of the vilest characters in animation, and I don't exagerate there. The show does need to better ballance his comedic moments with his monstrosity, but in my eyes at least the monstrosity is done chillingly realistically: he's a gaslighting monster who has hold over someone he treats as a sex slave, assaults regularly and abuses his power over. When Charlie makes the innocent mistake of trying to help angel get his work hours down to be at the hotel more, it goes horribly, gettiing angel punished for it.

And it's a tragedy that's welld one: You get why Charlie blunders ont o a porn set. Angel hasn't told her HOW bad shit is, why he's doing this, and is doing his shit of dissocating to avoid having to deal with the nightmare he's trapped in. He likely dose'nt WANT to talk to Charlie about it and bring his truama and pain into the one safe place he has.

Yet by not doing so.. Charlie just assumes he's doing this to be angel and not because he has to, and dosen't grasp the depths of her friends abuse. She does get to oggle a hellhound though. So that's nice. But Charlie blundering leads to angel getting hit and while Charlie prepares to leave Valentio a stain on the floor Angel' desperately tells her to go. He's so scared of this monster that even a quick way out won't save him while Charlie is left broken not understanding WHAT she di dwrong. Which.. was nothing intentional. She fucked up, sure, but she's a sheltered 20 something who while meaning well, has no real concept of how fucked up hell truly is to it's core. It's her first taste that the world is more complciated and fucked up than she can imagine and she can't just.. save angel. I Mean killing val might've done that but we dont' know how soul contracts work and I suspect neither does charlie. You don't blame either perosn: Angel's deeply traumtized, self loathing and is likely afraid val will hurt his best friend, or worse, take her awya form him, and Charlie is a naive idiot. She's not without fire to her, adam learned that the hard way, but a common theme is Charlie's lack of actual experince hampers her goals.

So we get Poison, one of the shows best sequences and a great song.. ut a sequence I'll likely NEVER watch again as Angel is assaulted, and talks about the hell he's in, blames himself for it, and his nightmare of a life is sexualized for the cameras.. while the actual abuse of valentio is shadowy and horrific. Valentino delights in parading angel around as his property and using him how he sees fits and i'ts utterly breaking to watch.

Also hard to watch is Angel's attempt to cope: he wants to get drunk, then hits on Husk who resonably, finally has enough. His main reason is simple: he knows i'ts a defense mechanism. He knows the angel he sees at the hotel and the harassment is annoying less because it's.. harassment (something to unpack next season maybe as... i'ts an uneasy message at best) nad more because he can tell angle's faking it to get by and it pisses him off. Like Charlie Husk makes a mistake.. but you can't blame him. He shoudln't have to get constantly hit on by someone to make that person feel better and it's likely only gone on this long because Charlie is so naive she likely dosen't get this is bad as it's not the grosser sexual harassment she's dealt with and husk seems fine.

So angel storms out and with Charlie broken (adorably so but still aww) Vaggie orders Husk to go fix this. Her blaming him isn't okay but I get her logic: while blaming husk is stupid, sending him is really the only option as he's the only person who can resonably save angel from himself right now. Charlie's breaking down, Vaggie's having to make sure Charlie dosen't break down further, Husk is the only one. And it's telling that while ti's an order, given how he usually shrugs those off.. he doe sit.

And it saves Angel from more assault as Angel gets hammered and fully intends to let a bunch of shark men assault him repeadtely which is horrific.. and when Husk saves him he snaps, asking why. In a truly heartbreaking moment that's Blake Roman's best acting so far he reveals he does it to escape, that if he's broken Val may not want him anymore. And in this moment of vunerablity.. Husk actually responds and comforts him.

And the character suddenly gets a thousand lairs as we learn his backstory: He was once an overlord, but his gambling addiction meant he ended up enslaved to Alastor. And as worn out shell.. he recognizes himself in Angel. It's likely why he was so hard on him.. he could see himself and simply wanted Angel to actaully be himself.. and now he sees why he wasn't, he helps.

And he helps with the season's second best song. I mean.. Still Gone is fucking fantastic and had the rest of the episode not just been okay, episode 2 would be here too. But Looser Baby is the series breakout, an endlessly applicable song with a great message: that it's okay to be a mess, that you can be better.

Granted i'm biased: My love of Keith David is something I don't hide and not only does this episode let him shine he gets to sing. In fact David took the roll entirely becaue he wanted to sing more, and why it's taken this long is beyond me. The man did one of the most iconic disney villian songs period, let him sing.

Viv does.. and the results are glorious. Partly because we get to see Keith david sing thigns like "your a fucked up little whiny bitch" and "your a power bottom at rock bottom". He starts tearing into angel.. but the point is not "you fucking suck and will continue to suck" it's "just because your in a bad place, dosen't mean you have to be alone in it". As david dreamiily croons

"There was a time I thought that no one could relate, to the grusome ways in which i'm damaged. But letting walls down it can sometime set you straight, we're all livin in the same shit sandwitch"

It's a lesson I needed to learn: your not broken, you can heal, and your not alone if you can find someone like you whose also in pain. Its a joyous ode to how things may suck.. but you can still love yourself despite the flaws you need to work on. It's help by buttery smooth animation as we see Husk, whose been mostly drunk and sullen in a corner, move an dgroove the whole time, in beautiful ways, using his umbrella and get some great neon colors cumilating in that beautful shot above. And some shark death. Always shake your tails before the big musical number.

The ending is also shockingly sweet. Charlie tries to blubbering apologize.. and Angel has grown, having realized he can be loved and dosne't have to shove people away to survive or break himself.

"Charlie it's fine I get it, thanks for carrin about me"

Her blubbering after and her girlfriend putting her to bed is fucking adorable, but this episode itself is fucking amazing. A truly heartrending story... that somehow has a happy ending and a turning point in who angel is and him and husk's relationship that's realistic, and well earned. And viv well earned our number one spot. Congradulations Spindlehorse, keep it up and i'll see you next year

For all you fine folks, thanks for reading, follow me here on bluesky for more nonsense and remember: I'm pullin for ya we're allin this together.

#moon girl and devil dinosaur #the legend of vox machina #helluva boss #hazbin hotel #batman caped crusader #x-men 97 #bluey #animation #2024 #the sign #hellaverse #the gatekeeper #lbgtq+#reviews #best of the year #best of 2024

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