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#hopefully this is what I need to feel whole again
simp-ly-writes · 3 days
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The Comment Section (pt.5)
─────── · · A Social Media AU Fic
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Pairing: Spencer Agnew x gn!Reader
─ · · SUMMARY: You and Spencer get invited to another convention and host a panel; the fans are ecstatic and you have never felt so high, so happy and truly carefree in your life that makes you do things you would have no considered doing...
─ · · TAGS: SPOILERS IN TAGS!! gender-neutral pronouns, angst, social media au, suggestive themes, attempt at comedy, alcohol consumption, slowburn, light swearing, kissing, fluff, mutual pinning, friends that act like lovers, friends/lovers.
─ · · MASTERLIST | TAGLIST REQUEST | PART FOUR | PART 4.5 | PART SIX
─ · · A/N: will they... won't they...
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🔔 angelagiovanagiarratana, just added to their story, check it out!
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Much Time Later...
🔔 CreatorCon just posted, check it out!
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Liked by spennser, ianhecox, (name)s_username and others
CreatorCon please give a warm welcome to our newest additions to this years panel roster: (name) and Spencer Agnew from Smosh! 🎉
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username99 not to be the grammer police or anything but you should also put (name)'s last name if you are putting Spencer's down since they are both not married 😬
↳ username01 shhh let them join the ✨ delusions ✨ ↳ username84 grammAr not grammer* ↳ username99 shut up 😘
username32 please bring back Brennan Lee Mulligan again!! I am on my hands and knees begging you, please!!!
username22 spencer helping (name) up the stairs and (name) holding the door for them afterwards is just so sweet 🥹
username48 hopefully the V.I.P passes actually work this time around
↳ CreaterCon we are so sorry to hear this, please send us a direct message to let us know what we can do to further improve your experience. ↳ username48 fix your shit. ❤️
username10 what is going on?? what about the Theorists panel, does anyone know where that got moved to?? I can't find any info on the websites or socials 😭
username50 love the line up (so far!) would like to see even more members of the Smosh family though. But I am really looking forward to this!!
username43 those crowd questions about to go crazy, too bad though they will probs limit their personal life stuff.
username19 they about to make a whole 1000+ people crowd third wheel, now that is talent 👏👏👏
smosh thank you for having them both for the weekend, us parents need a break every now and then
↳ smoshpit yes, please take them for us. PLEASE 🙏 ↳ ianhecox (but seriously don't actually, they make us a lot of money) ↳ smoshgames wait, why am i just finding this out now 😭 ↳ username67 for once i am actually fine with company account commenting, what is going on?!?!?
(name)s_username so excited to attend, thank you for having me and my "husband" 🤣
username71 OMG after last years PAX and CreatorClash events I am SOOO READY FOR THESE TWO AGAIN. ORGANIZERS ARE IN THE KNOW ABOUT (NAME) AND SPENCER, (YOURSHIPNAME) FOREVERRRRR!!!!!!!
spennser we are never escaping the allegations...
↳ (name)s_username never 🤣 ↳ username44 (yourshipname) actually addressing (yourshipname) directly?? never thought i would live to see the day! ↳ username01 we take this as them admitting feelings... right... right? ↳ username39 touch grass.
username29 Does anyone know what they are willing to sign or if they are signing stuff this year??
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🔔 SmoshCast just uploaded! Turn off notifications here.
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What is the best movie? (definitively)
Smosh Cast ✓ [Subscribed] Like 128k | Dislike | ... 582K subscribers 488k views 2 days ago #7 on trending (name) and Spencer debate the greatest form of every media. from movies to tv shows, video games and music; listeners are in for a wild ride.
2,222 Comments
username56 2 days ago Really missing Amanda and Shayne doing the weekly episodes, but I guess I can survive on (name) and Spencer... username77 2 days ago Why is nobody talking about how outstandingly (name) preformed in their movie?!?! I just watched it this weekend and was floored by their preformance. I'm surprised it didn't get any further mention in the videos! ▼ 199 replies ↳ username62 2 days ago I am shocked that a youtuber, nevertheless a comedian could portray such range and subtle expressions- it was beautiful even with what little screen time they had in comparison to others. They took away every scene they were in! ↳ username88 1 day ago I really hope they receive recognition, I really think (name) could make it mainstream. I mean, their connections alone from starring in this but be crazy. ↳ username19 1 day ago Im a selfish fan I will admit, I wouldn't want them to leave Smosh for other projects. In all honesty I could not image not having them in front of or in the background of Smosh videos. I mean could you even think of how Spencer would react?? They are stuck to each other like glue. ↳ username33 1 day ago they both are adults, i'm sure they could work something out. (name) shouldn't be held back from becoming something greater (even though they are great now!) because of the "kinda" relationships they are in. ↳ username20 1 day ago I think time will tell us the answers. But I really hope that (name) considers all their options... username01 2 days ago I have been living for all these play fighting and argument videos of the two of them. Like they have chemistry, a degree of hate for one another in some ways (but like healthy silly hate)- i'm pulling out my hair more and more as to why they won't just kiss already!! username67 2 days ago Okay but (name)'s take are 100% based. homebro/girl knows what they are speaking about and never missed ▼ 31 replies ↳ username72 1 day ago Yeah but I think Spencer's take was more well rounded especially in the TV Shows argument. ↳ username22 1 day ago Couples Therapist Here, I just like how they can argue so civilly with one another and really show active listening with one another. Take the eye-contact, small head nods, and inclined seating with restating what they said and expanding upon it. Its beautiful really plus they both know a lot about their field so that helps too I guess. ↳ username88 1 day ago OMG please make a full video break down of one of their videos together, it would do really well!! ↳ username10 1 day ago Yes, Please!! username27 12 hours ago Okay, but we all known that the best video game is Purble Place. username50 30 minutes ago I can't wait to hear from you both in person, have it marked on my calendar!! username91 1 hour ago cringe. username43 5 hours ago Okay but now I need tier lists on them together. Video Concept #1: (name) and Spencer rank every time they almost fell in love and the one time/multiple times they really did. ▼ 10 replies ↳ username66 1 hour ago Officially am deceased XD ↳ username21 1 hour ago Video Concept #2: (name) and Spencer rank every hangout that was actually a date username74 30 minutes ago why am I crying when the video ended?? Like I want whatever this is.
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🔔 (name)s_username just posted, check it out!
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Liked by spennser, co_mill, anthonypadilla and others
(name)s_username it was awesome meeting everyone, same time next year? 😄❤️
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CreatorCon let's make it a date? 😉
↳ (name)s_username noooo, not again! 😩 🏃‍♂️💨 ↳ username41 bwahahahhahahah!!! ↳ chickenshopdate oi!! 💢😡 ↳ (name)s_username ummm, now this is awkward... 😬
username88 was not long enough, i could listen to the two of you speak all day. defiantly worth the money!!
tomeybones i don't think florescent lighting was anyones light but you shine beautifully in it!
username48 glen powell's character should have gotten back with you at the end of the movie, you both had better chemistry!! Its giving La La Land all over again 😭
co_mill wished we could have made it but great work bestie, you killed it up there!! ❤️❤️
↳ (name)s_username aww thank u! would have loved having you there too ❤️❤️
username40 okay google, play "can't help but falling in love with you." move out of the way spenser, if you don't want them- i'll glady take (name)!
spennser good job fellow "spouse" 👍
↳ (name)s_username yes, you as well, "spouse" 👍 ↳ username01 okay, but this is just straight up cruel 😭
anthonypadilla i didn't see anything appear in the news so good work team!
damien_haas so as I was stuck in the signing booths you both were playing with paper airplanes and arm wrestleing?? What fairness is this?? /sarcastic positive
username71 OMG how did I just discover you now and miss a chance of meeting you?!?!?
username60 please tell me that there's a sequel coming out, I refuse to accept that you didn't re-marry him in the film 😭
phatchance excuse me but I know these two people packing out a 2000 person panel and they are the coolest ❤️
username31 I was too scared to ask anything because you both are just such pretty people like holy crap I love you both so much, you all mean the world to me and thank you so much for the hug. I am never washing the coat now
↳ username77 so that went progressively down hill lol
username12 Day 1.4 million of asking, just get together, or fuck, or something, anything but this (or breaking up for that matter) with Spencer. Like get it together.
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🔔 spennser, just added to their story, check it out!
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🔔 SmoshPit just uploaded! Turn off notifications here.
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Sneaking into Concerts??? (Two Truths, One Lie)
Smosh Pit ✓ [Subscribed] Like 79k | Dislike | ... 8.29M subscribers 370k views 1 weeks ago
7,889 Comments
username31 1 week ago I know I sound like a broken record but it feels weird not having Spencer or (name) in front of camera for once. I got so used to them always being part of the cast like Courtney or Ian. ▼ 10 replies ↳ username29 1 week ago I think around the 12 minute mark, Courtney said something about them both calling in sick. ↳ username73 1 week ago I mean... did you see their stories with one another last night? They both were properly wasted LMAO ↳ username90 30 minutes ago (name) is such a cute drunk, just complimenting and flirting with everyone until Spencer asks them to shut up or hugs them. Damien and Alex really had their work cut out for them hahahha! ↳ username20 4 hours ago Okay but external videos also show they dancing together and grabbing waters its so wholesome that even when heavily drunk they are constantly thinking about one another username88 1 day ago Would have never thought Anthony would have been the one to sneak into a festival! username28 12 hours ago Did anyone manage to catch (name)'s or alex's story last night or was I just seeing things before it got taken down?? ▼ 301 replies ↳ username90 30 minutes ago OMG YES! I threw my phone in shock!! Should've taken a screenshot I am kicking myself rn. ↳ username01 30 minutes ago I. am. not. okay. physically and emotionally after this. username55 4 days ago HAHHAHA "sick." hmmm sure (name) and spencer, sure...
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🔔 (Yourshipname) Updates just uploaded!
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"Drunk Minds Speak A Sober Heart:" A (yourshipname) Edit
(Yourshipname) Updates [Subscribe] Like | Dislike | ... 1.12K subscribers 499k views 1 week ago #2 on trending click to expand
14,119 Comments
⚲ Pinned by Creator (yourshipname)updates ✓ 1 week ago I will take this video down if requested by either (name) or Spencer but for now... MWAHAHHAHA they have kissed with photo evidence!! ▼ 173 replies ↳ username97 1 hour ago I think I have just ascended. This is truly one of the best days of my life. Take this all your non-believers and haters!!! Amazing edit BTW! ↳ username11 1 week ago I don't think they are going to bring it up anywhere but a small victory is a victory nonetheless. I see this as a mission success boys!! ↳ username01 1 week ago I am happier for them and their still non-relationship than my own long term one hahahhaa ↳ username27 12 hours ago I am in disbelief, I never thought they would. I don't care if they were both hella drunk, they actually kissed?!?!? Like I don't know how to process this information. ↳ username13 12 hours ago fwehd0dfygdkospfhjhgf ↳ username44 just now eloquently said. username23 1 week ago 12 years of pining for one drunk kiss, I'll take it gosh darn it! username90 4 days ago Am currently re-watching all the edits and past moments while having this picture on the side monitor. I am living in a peak moment rn. username80 2 days ago I called my mom to tell her about this and she cheered as well. usernmae32 just now (name) just confirmed on their twitter that them, spencer and the rest of the smosh crew are all going to the oscars! ▼ 4 replies ↳ username13 just now Yes!!! LETS FREAKING GOOOOO!!!! username60 4 days ago This will go down as one of the greatest love stories in the history of the internet; i need movies, more fanfiction, music, and more fanart!! username78 10 hours ago happy for them, truly.
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─ · · A/N: 😉
─ · · TAGLIST: @lisiliely @missflufffanfics @little-stitious-studios @thejourneyneverendsx @sibsteria
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pixiesfairygrove · 2 days
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༉‧₊˚✧ i cross my heart , PART TWO.
a five hargreeves multi-fic . . 🎞️🕯️ — intro.
warnings : minor swearing .ᐟ
author’s note : THIS ONE’S KINDA LONG and there’s not too much interaction with five and (name), but the next part there’ll be more !! hopefully it doesn’t bore y’all too much,, happy reading ᡣ𐭩.
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“what the fuck happened to you?” klaus asked, seeing the brunette walk into the hotel with scars and bruises all over his face and body. “don’t ask," he sighed heavily. five marched his way upstairs to their shared room. klaus and diego, who continued to sit down gave each other a puzzled look but decided to shake it off. five took a lengthy shower and put on some different clothes to lounge in, and after, he climbed back down.
"that little delinquent is your son?" five heard klaus ask their other brother in midst of a laugh, "allegedly my son." diego was quick to respond back. five took a mimosa from the counter as he listened to their conversation and walked his way to sit among the duo. klaus let out a hearthy laugh, "that's so funny!" he cackled. five turned to look at a pigging-down stanley,
"wait, who's.. who's the mother?" five asked him. "lila." diego again, responded quickly with the same dead-panned expression. five could feel the cold rush over his body, relieved from the heat of the sun (name) had inflicted on him. "excuse me?" klaus raised a brow in diego's direction.
five furrowed his brows at him in panic, "woah.. lila's here?"
"was. she dropped him off in my lap last night then bolted."
"i don't much care for that one." klaus gave a slightly disgusted look, swirling the straw in his own drink. "don't." diego pointed a finger at the man. "technically, she's family." five tilted his head. "she was trying to murder us, like, yesterday!" klaus cried, disgusted at both of them. "yeah, like i said, family."
after the whole conversation about viktor and marcus, five walked back to the counter to put his glass away and to grab something to eat. as he did so, the lights inside the hotel began to flicker. employees and visitors inside began to question and freeze until the light went back on again.
five shook his head, thinking it's nothing more than a power malfunction and continued to scavenge for his food.
klaus slowly crept his way towards him, "hey. what do you say we get outta here, huh?" he walked around his younger looking brother like a vulture. "take a little.. road trip."
five looked at klaus with the same furrowed brows, moving his eyes from klaus to the selections of entrees. "what are you talking about?" he asked. "i'm talking about a sojourn to the countryside." klaus moved his hands to get his attention. "you and me, the wind in our hair." he flipped his long brown hair sassily. "thelma and louise on the open road."
"you know they die in the end, right?" five let the corner of his lips slightly smile.
"holding hands,"
"living our best life, my little cherub!"
five scooped up some other things to put on his plate while klaus talked in his ear. "listen," klaus whispered. "i nearly died from luther's sleep farts last night." klaus continued to follow him around like a lost puppy. "we need to get out of here, get some fresh air!" —
"okay, i'll bite. why me, klaus?" five finally turned to face the taller man. "because you said, you said — you're retired, and that's what retired people do. and don't you deserve some fun?" klaus sang,
but five was too distracted by the missing lobsters in the fish tank across the counter. "there's no lobsters." five spoke. klaus hummed. "there were three lobsters in that tank a minute ago." klaus shook his head and rolled his eyes, "yeah, well, you know, maybe chet blended 'em into a morning smoothie." he teased.
five gave him an 'are you serious?' look before, "you're an idiot but, i'm in."
"whoo!"
— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️
ben watched (name) walk into the hargreeves mansion with her apron over her arm, her nose still bloody, but she knew she didn’t look as bad as that five guy. ben looked at her up and down with a confused and cocky look on his face. “what?” she raised a brow at him, noticing his stare.
“you saw one of them.” ben pointed at her with a smirk. she giggled, “the time travel dude yeah.” she tossed her apron on the couch. “i still don’t see your reason for working at that dingy old place when were rich and famous, (nickname).” alphonso commented.
all her siblings sat on the couch, watching a movie. “i like interacting with the people there, so many stories, so many lives.” she spoke, ben making a gagging face. (name) threw an empty water bottle at him, “HEY!” ben caught it mid-air with one of his tentacles.
jayme slapped a newspaper roll on (name)'s head. "ow! what?" (name) shot daggers through her (eye color) eyes.
"me and alphonso are going to the pharmacy to grab snacks. care to join?" jayme leaned on the kitchen counter as she faced her little sister. "nah, i might go on a trip, being here around you guys makes me loose my sparkle." (name) displayed jazz hands before chugging down a bottle of orange juice.
"right. sparkle." jayme repeated with a quick chuckle. "just don't crash the car yeah? not like how sloane did." sloane furrowed her brows. "the curb wasn't there when i first looked!" sloane retorted as she melted in her seat.
— 𐙚₊˚⊹ ⭐️
"fuck."
"fuck."
(name) crossed her arms in annoyance against the teen boy beside her. before them was the ball of twine, five eagerly asked klaus to turn the car towards. “is this the sunshine that beat your ass to a pulp?” klaus pointed his finegr at (name). five rolled his eyes and slapped his hand away,
“what are you doing here!?” five exclaimed. “i needed time away from my siblings! don’t get your panties in a twist thinking i’m following you dipshit.” (name) let out a loud chuckle as they made eye contact, and their faces practically inches away.
klaus giggled, “if you guys start making out i’m going to start laughing.”
“shut up!” five yelled at klaus. “i mean, we could.” she sent him a flirtatious wink, klaus shared a laugh with her. “i like her. can we keep her?”
“no!” five rubbed his temple before taking klaus by the sleeve, “come on klaus were leaving.” five turned his back to the ball of twine and the young girl. “so soon!? this trip gets so boring alone, fives!” she yelled back, a wide smile plastered on her face. “she’ll be lonely five! she just said!” klaus fought back.
five turned back to (name). he should’ve said no, he should’ve told her to get lost. but why was he so hesitant to do so? why did it feel like he wanted her around?
“fine.” (name) smiled even wider, and hopped towards the brothers, “this is gonna be the best trip ever.” five again pointed a finger at her, “but if you try fighting either one of us, we’re leaving you on the streets, sunshine.” the brunette’s voice hinted with poison.
she kept the smile on her face, her hands up in defense. “i cross my heart.”
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jemmo · 1 year
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minato shoji coin laundry is back which means summer has officially started
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corfisers · 10 months
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i really need to finish this one day
#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully#anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason#incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up#you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot#he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him#in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened.#you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from#you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help?#doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance#proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long#yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him#yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that#and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do”#“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem”#(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.)#he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway#but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again.#something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh#for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been#which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad#but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence?#she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”.#wips tag
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nxvermore · 4 months
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Is it just me or this recent attacks on Tom seems coordinated? It's so fucking strange. Of course there's the herd effect and people join in without even thinking properly, but where's this whole thing of picking on him comes from? And "picking on" is a very light way to put it. Everything he does people shit on and rejoice in that and in seeing others do it as well. And it seems worse now than when it was for The Crowded Room.
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a-lil-strawberry · 5 months
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Please pray that a complicated billing situation will be sorted out and covered by my insurance. It's for an ambulance ride I had in June for a panic attack. Some of you might remember me panicking about it a few months ago when I got the statement.
#it's a giant bill and my mom's insurance which is my primary only covered a tiny portion of it#and the ambulance service tried only once to contact my secondary insurance and they never even got it#so they never covered anything#but they were never contacted#so then i made them contact each other when it was made apparent that otherwise i would owe $2020.#yes two thousand and twenty dollars#and then i was waiting for them to deal with it#and today i just received another statement still showing that they never contacted that insurance and that i owe them the money by the 30th#so i panicked a little bit#then called the insurance and they said they had just recieved the claim on the first#so then i called the ambulance service and told them so and asked if the due date of the 30th was still in place#and she said no it's on hold and the insurance lady said most likely some of it would be covered#so hopefully it will go down drastically#and man this whole situation is like.... why did i have to do all the contacting back and forth#i thought that was y'all's job#but whatever#so now i am waiting again :)#fully aware that i may still owe a large chunk of that#but it's okay bc i am starting a new job and all will be well :)))))))#right???????#all will be well??????#and it was a dang panic attack that started all this#so i feel somewhat like this is all my fault#if i had never taken that thc gummy and greened out so bad and worked myself up none of this would be happening :)#but that's not healthy for me to think#it's in the past and i truly thought i needed to go in so in that moment i was doing what i thought i needed to do to take care of myself#i should be proud of myself for that#i just wish healthcare was different in this country
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skrunksthatwunk · 2 months
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household enemy to the yyh watchthrough number one is the olympics. it's taken us a week to get two episodes into the gamemaster fight
#out of three. please the third episode's what makes it okay im fighting for my life out here#it is NOT for lack of trying on my part but theres only a brief window of time when the olympics is not happening#and as it turns out the watchthrough is Not my mom's first priority (how dare she etc)#i do feel slightly bitter that we've gotten through two eps of band o brothers in the same time#we are fighting for the same timeslots yet somehow the hour long show's gotten a leg up??#you don't have time for a 23 min ep but DO for a 60 min one?? explain the math to me please#idk how to explain the vague feeling of betrayal bc it Does Not make sense Nor matter in the slightest#but cmonnnn we were doing so well. and my little bro's starting up school again soon and my dad's gotta go back to work#sometimes eventually (<- hes on medical leave) and my grandparents are coming over next week We're Losing Time Soon#ughhh if i'd known the olympics were happening (<- somehow completely oblivious to this) i'd have accounted for#my mom getting whisked away by the land of synchronized divers and shot putters and whatever the hell#happens in the summer olympics (<- only pays attention to winter olys)#bc that always happens. and *i* have to go back to school in Some Amount Of Time Im Too Scared To Check (p sure it's late aug though) and#when that happens i'll (hopefully) be stuck across town which means we won't be able to do it any time besides the weekends#and i don't wannaaaaa#i know this is the least important problem anyone's ever had like i get that i know but#it's important to me that they sit down and watch this with me. and watching it pull apart and being#the one who's easily the most invested it makes me look all desperate when i ask them for their time and they can't give it#we can only pull this off neatly in the summer and we were so close and now we're losing it right at the finish line#i don't want life to get in the way of this little bubble i've fought so hard to make y'know#and it's childish and embarrassing and whatever but i just want them to have fun with me with this thing i care about a lot#but i can't do that bc my mom needs to watch the judo matches at Every weight class#even though she's recording a lot of them? i don't understand but whatever i know it's her thing im just moping about it ig#i want it to be as perfect an experience for them as possible and it's slipping away from me#and i don't wanna leave this project unfinished when i start school y'know. sighh#i think they might feel like i only want them around when we're watching stuff. whcih is weird bc that's like#The Singular Way we family bonded literally my whole life so idk why they wouldn't get that when reversed#but either way that IS how i wanna spend time with them. i want them to understand this thing that's become a part of me#and i wanna talk With them about it. and so far it's been fun in a way it's never been before. my mom at least seems to really like it#and i want it to Keep going well bc if we lose momentum im worried they'll start finding it tedious. sighh
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guinevereslancelot · 7 months
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trying not to worry too much until i see the cornea specialist but just thinking abt not being able to see my kitty's sweet little face anymore is so heartbreaking 😭
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thebigqueer · 27 days
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i dont wanna eat anything or do anything and i just wanna lay around but i also dont wanna do that and i dont wanna watch anything or read anything and idk what i wanna do
#i was supposed to have someone review my resume and i was banking on the fact that maybe talking to someone instead of being alone in my roo#would help me out but the whole appointment system maker thing was messed up so we couldnt even meet#so i literally hvae nothing better to do than wait the next few days to get back to campus#and i was soooo excited to go back to school and i still am cuz i know itll make me feel better being around people#but im just a lot less excited than i was#cuz i just really really hate the idea of having to spend another fall semester getting over someone#like i couldve probably handled spring semester. but fall semester???? when theres already enough desolateness as it is???#like i just hate hate htae the idea of being on buses and starting to cry again and its midnight at 4pm when im crying#and theres people everywhere and the wrost part is shes literally on the same campus as me!!! so now i might actually see her!!!#and i dont want to!!!#i want to be friends but right now i know if i see her again ill just start sobbing on the spot#i was so excited for thsi fall sem but now im just notttt#and i know ill be busier (hopefully) this sem so im sure ill be better off than last year#but still like. idfk i dont know what to do. i think i just need to hear someone elses voice#im supposed to talk to my friend later today so maybe thatll help#cuz im kinda ready to tell someone about it but what if she telsl me she cant call what am i suppsoed to doooo#cuz last year the person iw as getting over lived a bajillion miles from me so it was easier!!! but she and I live 5 mins from each other#AND SHES FREINDS WITH LIKE ALL MY ROOMMATES#THEYRE ALL HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS !!!!#GODDDD.#i mean there are def upsides to this . for example its good we broke up now#cuz imagine if we broke up cuz of a fight and then thered be a big issue in the friend group#but it ended well and i dont think our friends / roommates will be 'picking sides'#as long as i just dont do anything drastic lol#adn who knows maybe our friendship will bounce back and i really hope it does!!#but she and i didnt start off as friends we kinda went into this knowing we were into each other to begin with#so like how do i be friends with her you know???#and friendship is soo important to me so its not like i dont want to be friends with her. i really really do. i just dont know how itll wor#like i value friendship over romantic relationships any day but also our relationship felt so deep to me#which is why im scared that we wont be friends even though i know we both want to be
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so-very-small · 2 years
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hi sorry for not updating sooner but im gonna be on a lil mini hiatus. lifes been whack so ive been taking a few days to do fuck all and play MMO's while i process a lot of Things. i'm totally okay, just needing a lil rest for rn. miss y'all, love y'all, see y'all soon <3
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noisytenant · 9 months
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want to make a resources zine/web page for the general intersection of trauma/compassion/vulnerability/dissociation/IFS stuff since like a good 85% of any given advice i have to offer comes from this framing, but due to Being A Person Who Severely Needs These Resources Myself i dont really have the time or energy to compile rn. and idk when i will. so here i find myself telling ppl to search the same terms for the umpteenth time
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computer-wizard · 2 years
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fixating on it isn't enough i need to absorb it into my body
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plexiglasscoffin · 2 months
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I genuinely thought the last episode of IWTV season 2 was the series finale and I was very satisfied with it, thought it was a great ending.
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snekdood · 3 months
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bitches prolly out here psychoanalyzing my old art on behalf of my abuser to cushion their belief that im a Horrible Person but then dont see the irony when I point out the shitty things my abuser has drawn and how I see it as clear evidence of their mindset and beliefs (of what's okay to do and how to treat people) descending and pairing that along with everything else they've done and it paints a clear picture of how this person got to the point of thinking it was okay to abuse me the way they did and then the people looking for reasons to hate me through my art will act like "they're just drawings !!!" about their art. which one is it. does someones art say something about them or not? or does it only say something about them if you hate them?
#personally I think me making fun of a douchey type of dude is less bad than drawing 'rape is fun' but yknow#ig I can just weigh the gravity of how bad each thing is accurately idk#vent#'yeah but you started to identify with the douche bag character !!' well- even before i realized I wanted to be him- the plot was#already that he was going to grow out of being a dick. him and mj were going to help eachother realize their flaws and become better#to eachother and everyone else. so by the time i DID realize I wanted to be a guy I already had in mind the mature version of him#floating around but I didn't really post about it bc I didn't want to spoil anything at the time#and it took me a LONG TIME to accept that I wanted to be snake. I was trans before that. and then when I was close to accepting it#I had that whole 'lsd' thing that made me slink back into my shell bc the people I was around made me feel like I would never be a guy#so instead I figured if I couldn't be snake then the next best thing was to be *with* him and started to self ship myself w him and he#evolved even more into an even more mature version of him that by the time I got out on the other side of feeling like I couldn't#be a guy I had this more serious and mature version of him in my mind and started to accept that I wanted to be him and basically was him#and just didn't know bc that version of snake was more like me than the one I made in 2013/14#in 2013/14 I was only ever considering my comic in the context of some sort of comedy and just wanted to make a douchey character#to make fun of bc I had a lot of douchey people in my life who I felt like needed to be knocked down a peg and I figured the best way#to do that was to make an example out of them via the old version of snake and have him be an overly confident asshole whos hubris#often gets himself humbled even if hes too prideful to accept or admit it#at this point in time I didn't really see much of myself in any of my ocs. maybe a lil bit in mj and (mostly)peaches bc I didn't know it wa#ok to id with a guy... but even when I did subconsciously id with him here n there...i didnt relate to snakes douchey-ness like at all.#sometimes I jokingly act like a douche but again its for the same reason that I made snake a douche back then in the first place-#to make fun of people like that- to hopefully show them how foolish they are by me mirroring them or. alternatively. making people#laugh at me acting that way because pretending to act like a douche is easier to enjoy and laugh at than dealing w an actual douche#i'd do it with my ex-bestfriend all the time- I made snake such a dick because we'd laugh about it together and bc we wanted to make#fun of the dicks around us who lacked any self awareness and if not that any actual fuck about how lame and shitty they come off#what can I say. it's fun to mock people sometimes.#when I actually started to accept it my first pic I drew of him being obviously trans was in 2016... soo a couple months before I remet#my abuser...#which honestly explains why that whole relationship was so rough on me. I had just finally accepted myself and then this person comes#along and tries to smear me and gaslight me into thinking im Horrible for who I am. like. hello???????#my first time fully being myself was with them and their friend group and they all accepted me until their cult leader told them not to
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sschmendrick · 5 months
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I had a very bad night when I was at a party thr other week and I let loose a little cause my friends wanted to see me drunk even though I told them I am a depressed drunk. Turns out I also do sort of panic attacks? Idk it was really hard to breathe, and I'm no longer self harm sober. Well I'm back on that now, trying at least. But being so isolated at home, not having a hobby you're good at where you can just relax into, and not getting to talk to people in general is...hard. It's hard to stay self harm sober when the thoughts just get too much, cause you don't have no one to talk to who you feel like it's ok to talk about all that stuff (fun fact, it never feels ok), you have stuff to do but they feel extremely complicated with thousands of steps, and you're drowning in general.
Writing in the notes app helps a little but when it's all you do... I'm luck most people don't read those so it feels a little like when I talk in general irl.
I'm drowning myself in fictional worlds to survive my brain but I don't get to put my responsibilities on hold. And it's very stressful.
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candybunnieholic · 11 months
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I can’t believed that the fate grand order is no longer available on google play store because when I went to tried to updated the app since I wanted to to play the new event and I found out that it’s no longer available on google play store but I’m going to the spend the whole weekend with trying to figure out how I’m going to get a new data transfer code after I already used my old one when I was having issues with the game on my tablet too.
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