#hopefully that makes sense… I’m falling asleep here…

[bleue-flora]

why did c!dream let c!Sam out? I've never understood that. I know they used to be friends and they had a deal but that's the extent I know of it.

So I don’t think it really has to do with their previous friendship or the deal. While yes Dream tends to be a man of his word in regards to deals and trades, the actual reasons are a little more complex. I talk about it here actually [post].

But mostly it comes down to a few things a) the message of “not to fuck with me” (messenger kinda has to be alive for that) b) having someone outside who fears him and is like his pawn is helpful (I mean think about Sam helping confirm what happened in prison in the conversation with Foolish) c) I don’t think he wants to make himself a bigger target, killing someone completely may be reason to send people out for his head even more and spread more panic and fear d) I don’t think he’s after revenge as much as he threatens because needing revenge admits that prison effected him and it obviously didn’t XD.

But a big reason is that he does not want to stoop to their level. Part of Daedalus I think is trying to get Sam to see him as a person and if he murdered him completely then he’s just acting like the monster they think he is. But if he feeds Sam cake and good apples and just takes 1 life then he’s an active example of what Sam and the server should have done to him. - this is how you get a book from someone, this is how you can get revenge without breaking someone, this is how you treat people even when they’ve treated you worse. Just because someone’s bad doesn’t mean they should be treated badly...

[silkentine]

Me when they are the sisters ever: 😭😭😭 They came out soooo freaking well. I won’t lie, they took me a thousand years to finish but through the constant support from all of my buds (and my latent bisexuality), we made it 😤

Hopefully you guys know the deal by now: design choices, easter eggs, and (NEW!) closeup shots below the read more. ⬇️

I wanted Ace to have a very down-to-earth vibe and looked at Aussie beach-girls, coastal cowgirls, and vaqueras for reference. (IDK, I’ve just always envisioned Ace as part-Australian🌺 and Mexican 🏴‍☠️) Her clothing choices are mostly natural or utilitarian materials like the painted wooden beads on her top, her woven fabric and leather belts, and her denim jumpsuit. I gave her bikini top a zen-garden kind of feel because I read the first Ace’s Story Novel and I loved how idyllic and peaceful they made Sixis Island sound so I wanted to invoke that in some way.

Speaking of her painted wooden beads, they hang off the back of her top and represent her connection to Sabo and Luffy. They watch her back once she sets sail. She only wears one red glass bead earring because the other one got ripped out of her ear when a child, leaving her earlobe torn (don’t think about it too much 😢). Also, YES! she does wear a hibiscus flower just like Rouge (because I hate you and I want to make you cry, muhwahahahaha).

Also, I really wanted her to have super textured curly hair that licks behind her like flames. I am always considering whether or not a character should have long hair or not because I don’t want it to be a hindrance if they’re in a fight (or if they ARE a fighter with long hair, how to they avoid an enemy making use of that?). Ace is, of course, a Logia-type Devil Fruit User so I think she wouldn’t have trouble with people grabbing it LOL I get the feeling that she doesn’t take very good care of it even though it looks amazing. Like you’d think it would be soft and bouncy just by looking at it but if you ever get the chance to run your fingers through it, it’s a total rat’s nest and there’s sand and food all up in it. She still falls asleep while eating 😂 but she tries her best to only do it around people she can trust (woman moment 😔).

Honestly, her design is not that different from Ace’s canon look. It feels really vital to Ace’s character to have a lot of skin showing. And he’s always hanging all over himself with his hips all cocked like the weight of the world is too much to stand up straight. It is certainly not my OWN preference to make her an absolute smoke show. That’s just the character, okay? (I’m partially lying and the proof is that I turned the emblem on Ace’s hat strap into a sternum tattoo for no other reason than that it is sexy af.)

Here are some closeups of Ace:

Now for Sabo, I’ve made her very girly. I tried putting her in pants or something more militant but she told me that she’d wear the big poofy sleeves and hiked-up ruffled skirt. I think Sabo has always had a strong grasp on his fashion sense and individual flair and I truly believe that his personal style is one of the major influences for the rest of the Revolutionary Army resulting in the very flashy, queer, steampunk aesthetic (aside from Dragon’s plain-ass cloak). So of course I had to implement her nonconformist look when reimagining her as a woman and dress her up to the nines.

I’ve given her very ornate jewelry that is there to tell a story, even if she herself doesn’t know it. I like to think she picks up stuff from her travels that resonate with her, such as a damaged set of earrings with one stone missing or red cup-shaped shells featuring three nestled pearls. Another accessory that cannot go unmentioned is her dragon claw hat pin that keeps her top hat resting on top of her hair (and is definitely used as a weapon when the situation simply doesn’t call for trusty metal pipe). She also has a veil that obscures her prominent facial scar. I imagine she’s not very keen on the reminder of the incident from her childhood that took away her memories. I also kept her chipped toothed because 1) it’s fucking adorable and 2) is a visual reminder that she no longer aligns herself with the nobility who would have gotten such a thing fixed. She is so poised in almost every outward facet of her life from her dignified role as the Chief of Staff to the elegant materials in her clothing that it can be easy to forget she was also a rough and tumble forest dweller. Every time Koala remembers this, he lets out the biggest sigh.

Her hair is inspired by Gibson Girls and Elizabeth Swann from the first Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I wanted it to be fussy and tidy but fall apart when she’s in moments of distress. For example, when she remembers her sisters, her hair starts to look like Ace’s flaming mane. I’m so in love with her, I think she looks like an adorable little porcelain doll that would fuck you up. I made an effort to keep her eyes a little bit manic. I get lost in her steely black orbs (and also Ace’s warm brown ones, but we’re talking about Sabo rn).

Here are her close-ups:

Plot notes for this AU:

For this series of character designs, I wanted the expressions and outfits to be aligned with the canon plot but I don’t know if I have the heart to kill fem!Ace in my AU. I’m too attached and ASL has suffered enough!!!!! But Ace’s death is also a major defining moment for Luffy so it feels disingenuous to completely avoid it. Also a huge aspect of Sabo’s character is carrying on Ace’s will and I have so many thoughts about how the Dressrosa Colosseum scene would play out if they were all women. Oh well, I’ll cross that tragic bridge when I get to it. I’m definitely going to draw some Modern AU Girl Piece ASL though. They deserve to hang out with no stakes 😭 They are sisters!!!

Check out the tag “girl piece” on my blog for my other One Piece genderbends! 🥰

[bohemianblasphemy]

I love the butcher sleeping with Maeve stories but could you do one where they’re together and he tells her he did that so she sleeps with soldier boy for the “same reason” and Ben acting all cocky about it (hopefully that makes sense I’m half asleep typing this out)

ohmygod i love this so fucking much, i’ve been wanting to write something about soldier boy✨

ENJOY!!!!

“Y-you did WHAT?”

The disbelief that ran through your veins was overwhelming, hearing the words “I slept with Maeve.”

Butcher was… a complicated soul, and that was putting it lightly. You knew there was to be issues and baggage when it came to being with him- but nothing could’ve prepared you for the bombshell he dropped.

“I fucked it up alright? i know i did! she meant nothin’ to me… it was just a heat of the moment thing, we were drunk... and i needed info.” he tried to justify his actions. “It happened ages ago love.”

You scoffed at him, laughing at the sheer ridiculousness of it all.

“That’s no excuse Butcher, it still happened while we were together. You’re so full of shit.” You couldn’t help the tears that fell from your eyes, grabbing your keys. “Sweetheart stop, i ain’t doin’ right by ya and i’m sorry, please stay…”

“I’m not staying here tonight, you can sit and wallow in your bullshit alone.” You turned to look at him as he stood there, rendered speechless as you walked out the door.

He was upset at himself, pulling at his hair and yelled out of frustration - throwing a glass at the wall. You could hear his actions echoed through the hall as you walked away, not looking back.

The walk out of his apartment was torturous- one part of you screamed go back to him, fall back into his arms. The other part? It wanted him to feel that sweet revenge, feel how he made you feel.

Getting into your car, you thought of where to go from here. The many places you could go to drown your sorrows in, numbing the sting of betrayal that flowed through you.

A bar or a club wasn’t the feel of the evening. Too many people, too much noise- But your mind flicked over to the supe that the group had recovered from Russia, the so called ‘super weapon’ to destroy Homelander…

Soldier Boy.

Your mind reverted back to when Butcher, Hughie and yourself took him to the motel where he was still holed up in, keeping him away from any prying eyes.

The unashamedly lustful glances he made toward you, sly comments about you in front of Butcher- making him run hot in frustration of how he talked about you.

“If Butcher ever slips up, you know where to find me doll…” Ben said in your ear, loud enough for Billy to hear. Butcher growled at him. “Back off, Mate. She’s mine.” Ben just chuckled as he looked at your flushed face, sending a wink your way.

The thought of him terrified and intrigued you; but his cocky, arrogant bravado was just what you needed, what you craved in that moment.

You found yourself driving toward that motel, the adrenaline running through your veins as you pulled into the car park. You sat there for a while, the devil and angel sitting on your shoulders yapping in your ears on whether it was a good idea or not.

Brushing them off, you stepped out of the car, making the ascent up the old concrete stairs toward his room, placing a soft knock on the weathered door.

The door opened a crack, half of Ben’s face appeared as he studied who was knocking. A chuckle was heard before he opened the door fully for you.

“Well, well, well, if it isn’t Butchers girl.” He smirked, looking at you up and down unapologetically. Ben looked at your face, seeing your sullen expression as he raised an eyebrow.

“Where’s your man? He’d be in tow by now-“ he stopped his sentence as you pushed your way inside the room, seeing various take out boxes and bottles of beer and whiskey along the coffee and kitchen table, remnants of cocaine and a half smoked joint in the ashtray.

“I’m here on my own accord, Ben.” you turned to look at him as he closed the door. His eyebrows raised, realising what you meant by that.

“So he fumbled you huh?” He smirked, thinking of the last interaction he had with you. Nodding in confirmation, you looked at him.

“Slept with Queen Maeve, one of The Seven. For someone who hates the lot of them he sure loves to stick his dick in them.” you mumbled sarcastically as Ben walked his way over to you. He scoffed. “The guy can’t even stick to his own morals, what a goddamn hypocrite.”

“You’re not wrong there.” you sighed, crossing your arms along your torso. “I’m never wrong sweetheart.” He teased as he took a swig of his beer, placing it down on the counter next to you.

“And now you’re here… taking up that offer i made that day.” he said, looking over your body once again. You couldn’t help but feel the rush of desire for him run through your body.

You took in his appearance, his tousled hair and beard that just made him look even more handsome, wearing his NY Giants jersey with his grey sweatpants… he looked too good. He saw how your eyes lingered on him, smirking as he he knew that look all too well.

Ben leaned in a little closer to you, looking intensely into your eyes, wanting to gauge some form of reaction from you.

“I think i know what you need doll…” he reached out to pull a strand of hair behind your ear and stroked your cheek with his index, he was surprisingly gentle.

“What do you think i need Ben?” You played coy, batting your eyelashes up at him.

“I think…” Ben pulled you against him, his hands going straight for your hips and behind, kneading your flesh in his large palms.

“You need me to show you a good time… forget about Butcher.” his face was so close to yours, you could feel his hot breath on you as you leaned in - brushing your lips against his.

“would you like that sweetheart?” Ben’s gaze flickered between your eyes and lips, watching you nod as he closed the distance between you two- moving his lips along yours as his hands slowly lifted you up, taking you toward the bed in the middle of the room.

…

The bright rays of the morning sun peaked through the old, yellowed blinds. You sat up slowly, looking around as you saw all your clothes scattered along the floor, seeing Ben’s jersey hanging off your torso.

Turning your head you saw Ben’s sleeping figure facing away from you, seeing the light red scratches on his freckled shoulders from the night before.

Your memory from the night before invaded your mind- Ben had rocked your world, long into the late hours of the night. He never let up as he pounded into your cunt mercilessly, never getting enough of your loud moans that definitely kept the neighbouring guests around the motel up.

However your mind suddenly switched over to Butcher, guilt creeping over you slowly as you had stooped to his level; but that feeling was overshadowed by the satisfaction you felt being between the sheets with Soldier Boy - that vengeance you sought after Billy’s actions.

As you swung your legs over the side of the bed and stood up, you could see a litter of finger print sized bruises on your thighs, groaning as you stretched your limbs.

Ben stirred as he heard your groans, sitting up in the bed and eyeing you up and down. “Mornin’ sunshine…” he grumbled.

Standing up from the bed he made his way to look over you, smirking as he saw the aftermath of your activities adorned on your skin. “You look fuckin’ hot in my shirt.” he admired the sight of you before him.

Before you could speak, a deafening bang on the door as the familiar english accent boomed through the thin door.

“OPEN THE FUCKIN’ DOOR!” Butcher demanded. You shot a panicked look at Ben, who had a smirk on his face.

“Showtime, Sweetheart…” shooting you a wink as he answered the door. Before you could process what was happening Butcher barged in, finding you standing at the foot of the bed in Ben’s shirt.

You felt a minuscule amount of vulnerability in your veins as Butchers eyes bore holes into you, but it was quickly squashed down as the memory of Butchers confession came back.

“Care for a drink, Butcher? We had the most… interesting night.” Soldier Boy chuckled, walking around to you and wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

“What the bloody hell is this?” his voice was laced in rage as he stepped forward toward you both.

“Considerate a taste of your own medicine Butcher…” you spoke up, your heart racing but not from nerves, but from exhilaration. “Just a bit of payback.”

“Do ya think this is funny? you think you can just screw him?” Butchers nostrils flared in anger.

“You made your choice. I made mine.” You retaliated. Ben chuckled at the entertainment before him.

“She’s a real catch… and an absolute animal in the sheets. Might wanna rethink your priorities.” Ben suggested, a wolfish expression adorning his face.

“Shut your fuckin’ mouth.” Butcher stuck his finger in his face, looking back at you. The betrayal stung deep within him, but he knew that he was reason for it happening.

“This ain’t over, you’ll regret it…” Butcher stormed out slamming the door, rattling the frame. Ben turned around and pulled you closer to him, smirking at the chaos that led them to this moment.

“Quite the troublemaker, aren’t ya sweetie?”

[zentriii]

Atsumu wonders if anyone would notice if his brain leaked out of his ears. The line he’s been standing in shuffles forward so slowly, he could’ve made an honest living in the time it took to make it to the front. But why make an honest living when a dishonest one is more fun?

“Next,” a bank teller calls and Atsumu’s grin broadens across his face in genuine glee.

Time for the fun part of this all.

Giddiness quickens his step until he reaches the man who called him. He forces himself to look a little less manic, if only to reduce the contrast between the two of them. The teller looks half asleep on his seat but brushes his curls out of his face and dutifully drones, “How can I help you?”

“I’m here to make a withdrawal.” Atsumu slides a document over the counter and drop a hand into his slightly open bag. Save for the cool surface of his gun tucked away in it, it’s quite empty and spacious. Perfect for today’s plans.

The man doesn’t spare his document a second glance and takes out one of his own. He gestures to a pen holder and says, “You can fill these out.”

Atsumu shakes his head with a slight smile still on his face. The man must be confused. “All my information is on this page.”

It’s a move he’s perfected. He’s practised it several times before, the picture of handsome ruefulness, it’s never failed him before. Yet the teller has the nerve to purse his thin chapped lips at him. He doesn’t even pick up Atsumu’s documents! “We need your information on this form to do a withdrawal.”

What? No–

Atsumu’s fingers start to tap against the counter top, he’s running out of time and being stared down by unimpressed pretty faces make his brain go offline. He picks up the pen and looks over the form before even realizing it.

“Do you need ID?” Atsumu asks, trying to pull threads of a backup plan into place because what the fuck? This was not supposed to go like this.

“Yes,” the teller bites. His customer service smile starting to fall apart. Not that there was much of one to begin with, but he’s gotten less friendly the more Atsumu puts up a fuss.

Atsumu used to work in retail himself. A part of him feels a sense of camaraderie with the poor guy. But the part of him that punched someone on the job before quitting? The part that grew up with a twin brother? They’re itching to piss him off even more, see what other reactions he can pull out of him before he breaks his professionalism.

“Not askin’ me out for dinner first? Why how forward of you, Moles-san,” Atsumu gasps dramatically, a hardly-delicate hand on his chest.

There’s the slightest twitch under the man’s eye but his stoicism is a stronger opponent that what Atsumu originally thought. “It’s Sakusa, please complete the form.”

He’ll have to up his game but at least he swiped his ex’s ID and held onto it. Dating another fake blond means no one looks further than the hair. It made for a plethora of annoying jokes but he has no reservations about taking all the advantages he can get.

Sakusa’s too busy rolling his eyes to take too close of a look at the card. It checks out.

Atsumu stares at the form in front of him. He came here to commit a robbery but instead, he’s been given the chance to pull the greatest form of revenge on his shitty ex. He carefully fills out information he probably shouldn’t have swiped when he knew they were over, and gleefully withdraws a large enough amount that should piss the unfeeling asshole off.

It goes through and fifteen minutes later he’s skipping out the bank, quite a few yen richer and robbery statement free. Hm. Hopefully Sakusa threw that out. He doesn’t think he’s the type to give out his number to recreational criminals and Atsumu plans on visiting again to ask for it.

[1d1195]

Love and Dryer Sheets VI

Read the rest here: Love and Dryer Sheets

For those that have been kind enough to continue supporting this crazy mixed up story, thank you so, SO much. I hope you like this last part.

~4.7k words

I know I say this a lot but this is a bit all over the place. The timing might not make sense but I don't think it matters (if that makes sense). I wanted to showcase a lot of time passing and hopefully it will translate.

“I think it makes sense with you too, munchkin,” she whispered.

“C’mon,” she stepped aside so Harry could enter. He moved slowly and slugged his way over to the sofa. He looked at her paused TV screen and released a tired, quiet chuckle. She smirked to herself. “Do you want me to start it over?” She asked.

He nodded sullenly. His eyes were redder than she had ever seen. There had been so many times he had come to that laundry room, red-eyed from rubbing them over and over. She could only imagine the argument that took place. Or maybe ‘argument’ was the wrong word. What do you call that? The final show? That sounded so terrible. Harry’s sweet face was all blotchy. She can’t imagine all the tears he shed because if she was in the same room she would have sobbed. Poor Harry. Even the tip of his nose was red. He needed a warm compress; her mom always got her one after a bad heartbreak or when she was crying herself silly over a broken toy when she was little or for one reason or another.

She pressed a few buttons on the remote as he sat beside her on the sofa. Carefully, she draped a blanket over him and gave his arm a gentle, comforting rub.

He sniffled—trying to do so discreetly. It felt like a stab to her heart that she couldn’t imagine feeling for anyone else. Not even Niall. (Although she imagined if someone hurt Niall, she would probably be the one doing the stabbing). “I’m sorry, munchkin,” she whispered softly. All she wanted was to take away his pain. Just like the patients she helped every day.

It was no use denying anymore that Harry meant something to her. There was time to figure that out. They were still friends right now. She was a good friend. She was good at comforting people when they were sad. This was...easy for her to do. She could make him feel a little better.

He nodded and tried to look away from her to hide the sadness and sniffles from her. She pretended not to notice.

Kiss him! The voice in her heart shouted.

You’re an idiot. The voice in her brain would have rolled its eyes if it could.

“C’mere,” she encouraged and nudged Harry to lay with his head in her lap. It probably wasn’t comfortable in the slightest. But he didn’t seem to mind. In fact, Harry was feeling the first bouts of relief in hours as she threaded her fingers through his hair and rubbed her fingertips gently on his scalp.

I could get used to this. The voice in Harry’s heart sounded almost tired. It probably was. The whole final fight with Ava was so draining. It was a wonder Harry could keep his eyes open. But he had been aching and dreaming to watch this movie with her for so very long that he wasn’t going to fall asleep now. This wasn’t what he wanted. Not in the slightest. She deserved an easy relationship. Especially after a three-year long crazy relationship that hurt her more than he could ever imagine.

Harry was going to need time. She knew that. Of course, he would. Because of the relationship she had and the way she watched her parents... It felt like Harry knew the very heartache she always felt. The little bothersome part of her mind that worried about love all the time. Harry was feeling it firsthand. She wouldn’t wish it on anyone... not even Ava.

But that just meant she knew how to support him and be there for him as best as humanly possible.

“Someplace where there isn’t any trouble...Do you suppose there is such a place, Toto?”

Harry wondered the same as Dorothy. Was there such a place?

Part of him thought it might be right on this couch.

Or maybe it wasn’t a place at all and just the sweet girl beside him.

*

“Thank you for driving me,” she said sweetly.

“Course, kitten,” he smirked. “I’ll keep an eye on all your plants,” he promised.

Harry was carrying her carry-on duffle bag and pulling her suitcase even though she insisted that she didn’t need it. In fact, she thought Harry might just drop her off at the entrance and drive away. But he wanted to walk her in. Wanted to see her off properly.

She couldn’t help but want that too.

They didn’t hold hands, but she really wanted to. She wasn’t going to kiss him. As much as she wanted to do that, too. They were moving slowly. Really slow. It was the right thing to do. They were good at being friends and they didn’t want to mess anything up. Especially after the rocky couple of months they both had.

She was going to visit Niall. The first time she had seen him in since his move approaching almost four months ago. The last time they had been apart for that long was when they were in college and Niall did a semester abroad. Harry was kind enough to drive her to the airport. “Not t’sound...crazy. But y’not going t’suddenly hate me jus’ because Niall’s going t’hate m’guts, right?” He asked.

He knew she would tell Niall. Part of him wanted her to tell Niall. It wouldn’t feel right to be friends or anything without him knowing.

“I don’t think he’s going to hate your guts,” she shrugged.

“I kissed y’when I shouldn’t have, Sunshine. Made y’cry. Pretty sure if I were Niall, I’d kill me,” he smiled knowingly.

“I don’t think he’s going to be happy,” she sighed. “But...” she bit her lip. “This is maybe a little indelicate, but... Niall said all kinds of nice things on your behalf without knowing the other stuff. When he overheard the egg thing, he asked if you were actually dating “the Wicked Witch of the West,”” she looked at him awkwardly.

Harry released out a loud burst of laughter. Shaking his head, he smiled. “Well, maybe s’hope for me yet.”

She was also hoping Niall would feel the same way about him. Once they reached security, she took her belongings from Harry and gave him a gentle smile. He grinned back, stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at her shyly. “I’ll... miss you, kitten,” he sighed, his face contorting into a half grin, a half frown.

For the last week they had spent most of their evenings together—eating dinner and watching movies. They even ventured out to run errands. Ava was long gone. In the first couple days Ava and Harry spent yelling, crying, and packing her stuff up so she could leave him. It was sad but cathartic in a lot of ways.

Ava was already in another town with the guy she had been seeing behind Harry’s back. No one batted an eyelash at Harry’s heartache. They called Ava brave for finding happiness after so long. No one cared to inquire about how the breakup went down. But, that was okay. The people closest to Harry knew what happened. Those that sided with Ava, well, good luck to them. Ava had a way of breaking hearts without any warning.

Besides, Harry had the sweet girl about to board a plane to worry about. “I think I’ll miss you most of all,” she smiled sweetly.

Having seen the Wizard of Oz no less than three times over the last week or so, Harry thought his heart would explode at her sweet quote. “Yeah?”

She frowned. “You won’t miss me?”

“No!” he grabbed her hand quickly forgoing all rational thought for a moment. What a difference a few months could make that hand holding was the worst thing he could do. “No, of course,” he shook his head. “Honestly, kitten, m’not sure how m’going t’make it a week without you,” he laughed awkward rubbing the back of his head with his free hand. “S’going t’be very boring,” he brought her hand to his mouth and placed a kiss on her knuckles.

She smiled, her cheeks turning pink at the gentle touch of his mouth on her skin. “You sure you don’t mind picking me up really late at night either?” She asked.

He shook his head immediately. “No, not at all. Probably be sad and worried if I didn’t get t’see you when y’come back right away,” he nodded.

He still hadn’t let go of her hand. Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him! The little voice in her heart was shouting.

We’re not doing that yet. It wasn’t even her little conscience talking. It was entirely her own thought.

“Thank you,” she sighed gratefully. They stood a moment, hand in hand. Gazing at each other. Neither moved for several moments. “I guess... I better go,” she whispered.

“Yeah,” he smiled sadly and released her hand. “See you soon, Sunshine.”

With a small wave she backed away and turned to leave. Harry already liked her so much. Letting her go for even a week felt like his heart was already breaking. And he knew she was going to be back. He would have to talk to Gemma and see if this was normal or okay if—

“Harry!” She shouted. Spinning around, Harry turned back to see her almost back to him now, running quickly as she dropped her bag and threw her arms around his neck. Harry’s arms instinctively wrapped around her waist while she nuzzled her face into the curve of where his neck and shoulder met. She sighed deeply and Harry had never felt so much adoration for her—or maybe anyone—in his whole life. He kissed the side of her head and inhaled the sweet scent of her shampoo.

Harry really never wanted to let go.

*

Niall was pacing. She figured it was best to get it all out in the open right away. Since she was still feeling her own time zone, it was easy for her to be awake and tell him. She warned him that he had to wait until he heard everything. All of it. Every last horrible detail. He was told it wasn’t going to be pretty and he would probably get mad.

Niall thought he was going to be tired after picking her up so late at night, but he was wrong. Fueled by anger and frustration was wonders for him to listen and pace the entire time she spoke. When he heard how she cried about the kiss, he nearly tore his hair out. He stopped pacing when he heard the egg story again.

But at the end he stopped pacing and sat down as he listened to how heartbreakingly mean Ava was to Harry in their final argument. “Jesus,” he said finally. After she finished her heartbreaking tale.

“You can’t hate him,” her tone was firm.

“I hate him for kissing you when he was with someone.”

“That’s...” she sighed. “That’s fair. But I think you hate what he did, not him.”

Niall frowned and rubbed a hand over his face. “You’re sure you want to date him?”

“Well...not right now...but yeah...I mean...” she shrugged. “The Wizard of Oz, Niall. Am I just supposed to ignore that?”

“I gotta be your best friend for a second,” he said. A grim, serious look took over his features. She nodded. “How do you know he won’t... kiss someone else when you guys have arguments and stuff?” He asked.

It was a fair question and there was a pang of sadness that coursed through her heart and body. “I don’t,” she murmured. “But... I wouldn’t know that about any relationship I have.”

Niall nodded. “I can’t see you hurt like the last time,” he told her. “I won’t do it again. I’ll kick and scream and make your relationship miserable.”

“Honestly, I think Harry would appreciate that. You’ll really like him,” she promised. “He drove me to the airport and walked me in and...” she smiled. “He’s really nice Niall.”

“How long are you guys going to wait?”

“Until...it seems right.”

“Are you okay with that?”

She nodded. “We’re good at being friends. But it’s...complicated. Or complex, whatever you want to call it. We want to do it right and... I want to tell him more about my last relationship... and my parents. I want him to know that I won’t be such a walk in the park.”

“Yeah, you do have a lot of lions and tigers and bears on your yellow brick road,” Niall said knowingly.

“You’re an ass,” she rolled her eyes.

“I will love him if you want me to,” Niall said softly. “But if he puts even one little crack in your heart, I’m killing him.”

“I think he’ll agree to that,” she nodded. “You don’t think I’m stupid?”

“The heart wants, what the heart wants, princess. Harry’s a good guy, I think. It’s not his fault he dated a wicked witch... think he needs a good witch in his life,” he smiled. “May as well be you.”

*

Niall, once he had the proper amount of sleep, had about two hundred more questions. She answered every single one of them. When she didn’t know the answer, she texted Harry and waited for his reply patiently.

Some of the questions were a little more sensitive and she didn’t feel right texting them to him. So, she FaceTimed him so she could ask instead. “Niall has a question for you, but it’s a little sensitive,” she warned. She saw him sit up straighter, looking ready and prepared as best he could. He wanted Niall to like him, he knew it was necessary that he liked him. But he also knew that he did a very bad thing, and it would be hard to earn his trust. He nodded readily, like it was a job interview, but nonetheless ready to answer her question.

Niall was off to the side listening intently while he made soup for them. “I feel awkward asking this,” she admitted. Niall turned to nearly glare at her. He wouldn’t back down. It was a question they kept circling back to. One that Niall would probably go crazy about if it wasn’t answered properly.

“S’okay, s’important. S’good t’ask the tough questions,” he promised. “Don’t feel awkward, kitten.”

Niall smirked over the stove already liking the way he spoke to her. It was encouraging that he would make her talk out her feelings and not bottle them up just to protect their relationship. Even if it was awkward or uncomfortable. She sighed. “Do you have a... habit... of kissing other girls when you’re in a relationship... or when you’re upset?” she put her hand on her face to hide the embarrassment. But it was easy to see that she was comfortable asking Harry delicate questions. That never happened in her old relationship. Niall appreciated it before he even heard Harry’s answer.

“No, Sunshine, not at all. S’jus... this s’not an excuse... but you are so nice. Y’made me feel... happy when I didn’t feel happy at all. I was jus’ so tired of not feeling happy. I shouldn’t have kissed you, but it was nice. But I wouldn’t... I won’t kiss anyone but you when the time comes.”

Her heart felt so warm she could have cried. She looked over her phone screen at Niall. “Is that satisfactory?” She asked quietly. Harry smiled shyly, feeling his own face warm at the vulnerability of his statement. But he would have shouted that from roof tops. Niall was welcome to know anything about his relationship if it meant she could be his when the time was right.

“Who’s your favorite football team?” Niall asked suddenly.

“Oh, for the love of God, Niall, he’s English,” she groaned. Harry chuckled.

“It’s important, princess! Might even be more important than the kissing question,” he rolled his eyes. Everyone knew it wasn’t, but while Niall finished ladling soup into bowls for the pair of them, he wanted to tone the seriousness of the room down. He entered the shot of her screen and Harry smiled.

“Manchester United.”

“Well, it was nice knowing you Harry,” Niall said slurping up a spoonful of soup. “Maybe if you get better taste, I’ll let you date her.”

She flicked his face and rolled her eyes again. “Derby is the correct answer,” she explained for Harry. “Followed by Chelsea.”

Harry laughed and shook his head. “Sorry, Niall. Can’t help who you love.”

Niall smirked, wiggling his eyebrows at Harry. “I’ll say.”

*

“Sorry, I swear my bag is the last one,” she told her phone. “I’m coming, I’m coming,” she promised.

Harry chuckled, refraining from saying he would wait forever for her like a lovesick puppy. “S’okay, Sunshine, m’not going anywhere,” he promised.

“I know, but it’s late, and the delay didn’t help, and I know it’s probably been a long day—”

“Kitten, s’fine. M’fine. Missed you a lot. I can miss you a little longer.”

She sighed heavily into the phone. It was going to be hard to remain friends when all she wanted to do was kiss him until her lips physically hurt. “Okay, finally,” she grunted heaving her bag off the conveyor belt. “M’on my way up,” she sighed tiredly.

“See y’in a minute,” he murmured and hung up the phone.

I missed her so much. The little voice in his heart was practically crying with relief and joy that she was a mere escalator ride away now and no longer a terribly long plane ride.

Me too. His conscience agreed. They were much more in sync now that the pretty, sweet girl was in Harry’s life.

Me three. Harry thought.

Harry’s heart slowed the moment she entered his line of vision. He watched her scan tiredly for him. She was in leggings, a big sweatshirt, and a pair of trainers. Her hair was in a ponytail, and she looked exhausted from the delay and her long flight. He imagined she wanted to shower and fall right to sleep.

She very well may have been the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on.

Harry was standing in the middle of a bunch of other parties waiting for their people to ascend the escalator. There he was, patiently waiting for her. As handsome as he looked for so late at night—unfairly so, after waiting for so long and traveling to the airport not once, but twice due to her delay—she couldn’t tear her gaze away from the bouquet of flowers at his side. His smile was so heartfelt as she approached. Instinctively, he wrapped one arm around her waist, so he didn’t hurt the flowers in his other hand. He kissed the side of her head. “Missed you, kitten.”

“Missed you more, munchkin,” she sighed happily pressing her face to the crook of his neck and breathing in the warm scent of his cologne. Her arms looped up around his shoulders and she sighed again with relief.

There’s no place like home. The voice in her head and her heart were in total agreement.

*

She and Harry enjoyed being friends so very much. But both knew it wasn’t quite friends. There was the lingering promise there would be more, eventually, when the time presented itself. But for now, they would have pizza nights, watch TV shows together, and do errands and laundry together.

“Can y’tell me more ‘bout your last relationship?” Harry asked quietly. She certainly had pizza sauce on both cheeks from the way the crust bent around her mouth. She wiped a napkin across her face and looked at him. The TV show they had on in the background continued playing, but Harry was watching her.

“What about it?” She asked.

“Jus’... I don’t know. Anything.”

She took a deep breath. “Uh... he was just... controlling. I didn’t do anything to stop it,” she shrugged. “It felt like I had invested so much time into the relationship. Even if it was bad. It’s one thing to say you should or need to start over, it’s an entirely different thing to actually have the courage to do it,” she explained looking at her fingers like they had the answer. “I didn’t even have the courage. Niall had to give it to me.”

He felt every word she said. Every part of it. “Did you love him?”

“Yes,” she nodded firmly.

“Even though it was...bad?”

“You can’t help who you love,” she shrugged in response.

It was hard to be vulnerable, but with Harry it was easy. It was like talking to herself about how she felt. Or like talking to Niall. It was easy and comfortable. But it had always been that way in the time she had known him. It was easy to share hard thoughts and truths. “Do you regret it?” He asked.

She shook her head. “No... I regret losing part of myself, but that’s on me, not him. I... I should have handled it differently... but I did love him—part of him, for a really long time.” She knew Harry was partly asking questions to understand his own relationship. If it was okay to have loved Ava even if she wasn’t always nice. “Y’know, I met Ava one other time...besides the eggs,” she smirked.

“Yeah?” He muttered looking at his plate of pizza.

“Yeah...in front of the mailboxes. I just thought, ‘wow, she has to be the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen,’” she smiled. “I felt bad she was so...grumpy.”

Harry snorted. “Course y’felt bad,” he muttered.

She tilted her head. “Harry,” she said softly. “It’s okay,” she whispered. “You don’t have to explain your love,” she told him knowingly. “It doesn’t have to make sense.”

He looked at her with agony in his pretty green eyes. “I want it to,” he whispered.

“I know.”

Harry started the show again and finished munching on his piece of pizza.

“Sunshine?” He said softly.

“Yeah?”

He paused the show again and turned to look at her once more. This time his eyes were so clear. She had seen them angry, sad, heartbroken, but right now they looked serious. Strong. Completely resolute. “It makes sense with you.”

Her grin spreading across her cheeks and Harry thought even with pizza sauce on her cheeks that she was wrong—Ava wasn’t the most beautiful. It had to be her. Right here, a messy bun, pizza grease, and mismatching socks. He was certain.  “I think it makes sense with you too, munchkin,” she whispered.

*

Niall was coming home in a little more than a month. He only had to stay an additional two months to the original year long stay.

But that of course wasn’t the only change.

Harry started doing laundry the right way: a load of darks, a load of whites, and a load of towels.

She started liking cauliflower.

Harry had seen The Wizard of Oz at least twenty times—mostly during the week she was sick right before Christmas and Harry took care of her.

She went to Harry’s work parties. Just as his friend. But everyone kind of thought she was perfect for him anyway. Especially after seeing the startling difference between her and Ava.

But that didn’t stop the guys in Harry’s office from trying their best to win her over. “I’m sorry, I’m not really...seeing anybody,” she explained kindly.

“You have to be seeing Harry,” one of them said with an exasperated sigh.

She laughed. “No, really. We’re not... seeing anybody,” she said.

Harry never pushed her. But Harry knew he had to work out some kinks in his relationship mind anyway. Plus, he enjoyed being her friend. She had a great cure for hangovers and made the best blueberry muffins he had ever eaten.

“You’re going to replace me with him, aren’t you?” Niall asked over the phone.

She smiled and shook her head. “I don’t think anyone can replace you, Niall.”

But at Halloween, Harry dressed up as a scarecrow, she dressed as Dorothy, and he came to the hospital to spread joy to all the little patients who needed smiles more than anyone she had ever met. He delivered perfectly. He pretended to fall on shaky scarecrow legs, and he pretended he didn’t have a brain so the little ones could help search for it.

Even the slightly older kids thought he was funny and thought it was nice how he made the younger kids smile. The parents adored him, of course they did.

She adored him too.

*

“Are you dating yet?”

It wasn’t just Niall that asked. Gemma had asked at least three times a week. Harry’s mum asked only once a week but only because she knew Gemma was asking more. Even her parents, who couldn’t agree on anything, liked Harry to the umpteenth degree.

“He’s so nice, sweetheart,” her mom said. “He’s adorable too. Clearly, he likes you,” she nodded firmly. She was helping with the Christmas decorations while Harry and her father worked on the outdoor lights. He didn’t even bat an eye at the request. He climbed the ladder to help put the lights on the gutter. “Not even Niall will get on a ladder for us,” she reminded him.

But being friends was good. Being friends was nice. There was no rush. It would happen when it was supposed to. It was good for their souls. Harry was healing. Processing. It didn’t and wouldn’t happen overnight. It took a lot of talking and a lot of assurance that everything he was feeling was normal.

“Is she why you were worried about being a dad?” She asked, randomly.

A lot of their conversations happened like that. A thought would appear in their head, and they let it out. She wanted to know, and Harry wanted to tell her.

He nodded without making eye contact. It helped sometimes not to look at each other. At least when they were having more serious conversations. It made it easier for the words to come out. They could always backtrack later. She looked back at her book. The washing machine was spinning below her, and she was enjoying the latest read—a Harry recommended book, of course.

“Did y’enjoy your childhood?” He asked while he put his laundry in the dryer.

She put the bookmark in between the pages—a birthday gift—so she would stop being a serial killer. “All things considered, yes.”

“But y’worry about...relationships,” he said.

It wasn’t accusatory. He already knew she felt that way. But she nodded affirmatively, anyway. “I do.”

“I don’t want y’to,” he stopped with the dryer and looked at her—through her. “M’not... m’all yours, Sunshine.”

It was like the part of her brain that controlled her heart saw him—really, truly saw him in that moment and said Ah, yes. You found him. Finally.

“Yeah?” She whispered with a smile on her face. He dropped his stuff beside the dryer, hurried the few steps back to her, and put his hands on either side of her hips while he stood before her.

“I never want you t’feel like I don’t love you,” he said simply. As if it wasn’t the most obvious thing in the world that he loved her. Especially when she felt it too. “I don’t want you t’think we have t’fight like y’parents do. I don’t want you t’think y’can’t spend time with Niall. M’jus... m’so happy t’be in your life. Meeting you was... it was like... finding home.”

Her heart fluttered. “I don’t want you to be angry,” she whispered.

He nodded. “I won’t be. Not like that.”

“Because... I think I loved you the moment I met you,” she told him.

Harry pressed his forehead to hers. It was the closest his lips had been to hers since the day he kissed her when he shouldn’t have. “Yeah?”

“Niall said only a lunatic quotes The Wizard of Oz,” she smiled.

He chuckled, his breath was minty and warm on her lips.

Harry would spend forever thanking the powers that be that he forgot laundry detergent the day he met her. Even though Harry hadn’t touched her mouth in over a year, it was like no time had passed at all in that very same room, when he did for the second time.

--

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Love and Dryer Sheets: @love-letters-to-uranus

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If you like this, check out my masterlist for more of my writing.

[kinninggojo]

detailed fluffy/smutty headcannons! draco malfoy as your boyfriend.

i’m writing this as a continuation of “ive got my eye on you”, and sooort of requested by @dolcid. i’ll hopefully write a proper part two soon but for now here are some detailed, fluffy bf!draco headcannons to keep you satisfied. ive thrown some smuttys hcs in as well, so you really get the picture (i love reading headcannons so i hope you’re as pleased with this as i am!) <3

WARNINGS! SEXUAL CONTENT. SMUT. 18+

malfoy is a really good boyfriend. you’ve never had one before though so you can’t compare him to much :(

the way he confessed to you was really impressive though (and really turned you on! drunk kisses > )

he gets better and better at kissing every time you do it. he’s not very emotional but he’s passionate, if that makes sense?

when you’re kissing he doesnt administer alot of touch himself but he loves it when you touch him. he lets you run your hands all over his chest, it makes him groan.

when he DOES touch you, its usually your thighs.

despite all the kissing, he’s actually very cautious about going any further with you, because he knows you’ve never been fucked by anyone before. in the first few weeks, he sticks to hot makeout sessions with you.

he used to tease you for being ugly when you disliked eachother, he never meant it, by the damage it did to your confidence meant you never pursued a relationship before him so you’re really a virgin in every aspect. (slay tho <3)

draco doesn’t do dates really. he likes to keep you all to himself, he’s selfish like that. so he usually invites you to the slytherin common room, and takes you up to his dorm.

he banishes the goons from the dorm to spend time with you because he knows they make you uneasy.

he really cherishes quality time over anything, that’s his love language. he doesn’t have to be kissing you the whole time, sitting beside you whilst you read is enough for him. he’s enamoured with your presence.

he’s always been enamoured with your presence, even when he pretended to hate you.

draco is quite a grumpy boyfriend. not mean. just moody. he doesnt like other people. he especially doesnt like harry potter. or anything about any of the gryffindors. you pay it no heed, you just find it cute.

he takes things further one day and you let him eat you out. he doesnt do this alot. hes mostly a receiver.

he’s really dirty when he wants to be, its the fault of his smirk, it makes him look even dirtier.

draco is heavy on the dirty talking and teasing, after all your relationship begun because of his unremitting teasing.

so when he’s licking your pussy, he’s doing it whilst smirking and cooing annoyingly because of how red your face is going.

he gets really hard because its his first time going further than kissing with you. youre the first girl that hes had feelings for as well, so it makes it unreal for him. he gets so hard he has to ask you to suck his dick.

he doesnt beg you though! his voice is cool and nonchalant like it always is.

instead of cumming in your mouth, he comes all over your pussy because he likes how it looks.

when you two finish, he isn’t one for cuddling, but he lets you lay beside him in his arm, and fall asleep on his chest.

when its time for you to go back to your dorm, he folds all of your things up for you, stacks all of your books. hes weirdly a neat-freak.

when you aren’t hanging out on his bed, you’re watching his quidditch games.

one day he has a bad fall and ends up in the hospital wing, with his arm in a sling. typical draco!

he’s a hypochondriac lol!

you drop your studies to sit with him. he grumbles profusely about the pain and the sling. he loves complaining.

you shut him up by kissing him, which makes his expression harden because you two werent public about your relationship yet. but you dont care.

when he’s injured in hospital he lets you groom his hair for him. he cares alot about his appearance. its a frequent occurance. because hes not one for skinship its how you feel close to him.

he warms to the idea of cuddling a bit, but when he does he prefers to be spooned rather than spoon you. and he always does it under the blanket so no one could accidentally see.

he’s a tall, protective boyfriend. he usually wards “threats” away with rude, witty comments, or dirty looks. he doesnt care. you’re his.

when you’re in public, he stands behind you w his hands on your shoulders so he can protect you at all times if he needs to.

he gradually becomes more comfortable being emotional around you. not emotional as in sad or cloying but. he smiles more. not big cheeky smiles, but small ones you notice when you catch him off gaurd.

he kisses you alot before bed, you start sleeping over in his bed in the slytherin dorm, you get away with it because he becomes a prefect.

he kisses the top of your head and your hands/fingertips the most. you’re precious to him, that’s how he conveys it.

after a few weeks of sleeping in his bed, he makes the ultimate move on you and fucks you for the first time. “making-love” is a bit cringe in dracos opinion, he is draco malfoy after all. but it isnt senseless fucking.

he loves the power imbalance of you getting onto your knees for him and sucking his dick. like i said, hes a receiver!

he puts his big, pale hand in your hair and bounces it harshly on his dick. he doesnt make you choke on it though, he doesnt like that.

he actually doesnt fuck you in his bed, the first time. you both get so carried away that he takes you against the wall. from all angles. behind. from the front.

it’s rough, desperate fucking. youve never been fucked before. its such a new and overwhelming feeling. youve been pining for eachother for so long.

he cums all over your pretty pussy again, but not inside it (obvs) and admires it for a while whilst catching his breath.

you start crying after! it was such an intense experience that you get a bit… worried? overwhelmed? it’s not serious crying but you need some softness.

draco isn’t always the best person to rely on for softness but he knows that you need it right now after the way he’d just fucked you.

you cuddle properly for the first time. all naked and sticky (draco HATES that, but he doesnt mind tonight bc its you) and he kisses your head over and over.

hes not big on aftercare usually. but hes patient with you tonight. he lets you sleep off the feeling, and wear his big, boxy school shirt whilst you do so. it smells of him. you love it.

you love him.

he loves you too, hes thinking.

but you don’t tell each other just yet ;)

[lynnslittlelife]

Hii!!!💗💗 I don't usually do requests but here goes nothing 😅

Could I get a Daddy! Lucifer with a little! shy! fem reader where Luci is helping them fall asleep (let's be honest, they both need some sleep 😂, also idk if you're ok with bottle feeding, it's totally ok if you don't want to add that ) Also, if you could use the nicknames Little one, Sweetheart and Pumpkin that would be greatly appreciated 😊 (It's ok if you don't want to) (Also also, I know this might be a bit OOC for Lucifer, but if you add him baby talking to the reader, that would be cool too 😅 again, 100% ok if you don't want to)

I feel I requested too much 😭😅 I apologize in advanced

I promise, you didn't request too much at all! I really enjoy writing these little space stories, and that's a really cute concept! I feel special you don't do requests often! Hopefully I did your idea justice, and thank you for reaching out and requesting this from me ^^ I kept the baby talk a little softer? Not as much of it but there's still definitely some traces of it in there.

Thank you so much for requesting, and I hope you enjoy this soft moment with Lucifer!

Word Count: 1,145

Lucifer was sitting at his desk, trying not to doze off. He had too much to do, and sleep could wait. Sure he was tired, but the sooner he got this work done…the sooner he could fall asleep with you in his arms. Though that thought fell off, when he saw you run into his room in your favorite little outfit. You were cradling your stuffie in your hand, and you had your pacifier in your mouth. 

You seemed confident running into his room just a few seconds ago, but it seemed to fade as you looked down at the ground and walked up to him slowly. Reaching out and taking one of his fingers in your hand, you looked at him fully. The words you wanted to say didn't make any sense. The sentences weren’t forming right, so instead you tugged lightly on his finger and made a small “da” sound. You huffed, and tried to think of what you wanted, but just kept repeating the same sound over and over again behind the pacifier. 

Lucifer immediately set his pen down, spinning the chair slightly to fully face you. He looked at the clock, and raised his free hand to pat your head. “What are you still doing up, pumpkin?” His hand continued to pat your head, only to slowly rub circles on the back of your neck. He knew it was soothing to you, and the realization clicked. He sighed, “I’m sorry to make you wait up for me. I’m proud of you for coming to get me. But we need to make sure you get good rest.” 

You pouted firmly, and shook your head no, but Lucifer wasn’t typically one to take no for an answer…not when it came to your mental wellbeing. He scooped you up in his arms, and made his way to your little room. All the brothers knew it was there, and sometimes even came to visit you while you played with your various toys or coloring books. It had a bed, with an extension to make it seem like an oversized crib. But it was exactly what you and daddy wanted…it helped keep you in little space without worries, and even if you did worry? Daddy and all your bubbas were there to help. 

When he sat you down on the bed, he rubbed your cheek with one of his hands, and tucked you in. The second he pulled away, you shoved the blanket off and grabbed his arm. It effectively stopped him, and he turned to you with a faint smile. “You need your rest, sweetheart.” But he didn’t move to pull away, and instead let you hold his arm as he sat down next to you. “Are you not tired enough yet?” He grinned, and moved his arm so that you were holding his hand instead of his arm. 

You shook your head no, and a couple tears welled in your eyes at the thought of him leaving. He didn’t know what you needed! But how did you say it? You huffed, and only leapt towards him so he had to fully hold you in his arms. An embarrassed blush was on your cheeks, now knowing the words you needed to say…but it was too hard to say it. You didn’t wanna be needy! Asking for stuff was so hard sometimes…

Daddy seemed to read your mind, though. He was always really good at that. “Ah, I see. It’s okay, let me go, just for a second. I’ll stay right where you can see me, I just need to grab your bottle…okay?” He spoke softly, and rubbed the couple of tears you had off your face. But he was patient, and waited for your answer before standing to grab your bottle with your favorite sleepy time drink in it. 

You made grabby hands at him, both wanting his cuddles and the bottle. It made him let out a soft chuckle, and he eased you over so he could rest beside you. He was sitting up, and lifted you to cradle into his chest. One arm was wrapped around your back and side to keep you steady, and the other was holding your bottle. From here, you could nuzzle your cheek against his shoulder and slowly close your eyes from how comfortable it was. It was a familiar position, and you nearly fell asleep right there. But you really were hungry…

Lucifer smiled, and took your pacifier out of your mouth, only to give you the bottle. He held it even, not letting too much of the drink spill out as you slowly drank it. While doing so, he rocked you slightly, and spoke quietly. “You don’t have to wait for dada anymore. He’s right here. He’s got you, and you’re safe.” He tilted his head slightly as you cradled yours into his neck, providing even more comfort. “Daddy’s sorry he had so much work to do, he’s here for you now.” His words were unusually soft, and the smile on his face was tender, genuine. He really was so happy to have you, just as much as you loved to have him. 

You yawned around the bottle, and he pulled it away from you until you reached for it back. His free hand rubbed your back in circles, he hummed softly as he decided to soothe you to sleep with his voice too. “Do you know what daddy loves about you?” He whispered, and you briefly stopped drinking when he spoke. Wasting no time, he answered for you. “Everything. Your smile, your big space, your little space. Everything. I even love how ticklish my baby is riiiiight here.” He reached over to your ticklish spot, and when you jerked away slightly he chuckled. “Don’t worry. My baby needs sleep right now, no tickle fights.” 

He sighed, and your eyes shut tight as you smiled. The bottle was almost gone, but you couldn’t focus on drinking anymore. Lucifer held you tightly through this, and slowly and carefully maneuvered you both until you were resting on top of him. You had one hand curled to your chest with a stuffie, and the other resting on his chest. Lucifer even blinked, yawning himself. Maybe it was a good thing you came and got him. Sure, he had work to do. But you always have been, and always will be his priority. 

While he wasn’t immediately expecting to fall asleep after feeding you, he couldn’t help but do so. He only managed to mutter one more sentence before he drifted off with you. It came out as barely a whisper, but in the sweetest tone anyone would have ever heard from Lucifer himself. It really only goes to show how much he cares about you as much as he says he does. 

“Daddy loves you so much, little one.”

[mind-empty-just-fictional-people]

Facetime

Masterlist

Summary: You and Dean facetime whenever he goes on a hunt, but things go south when he and Sam are miles away

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Female Reader 

Rating: R for language, violence

Word Count: 3.5k

Warnings: language, blood, violence, torture, hostage situation, implied nudity, injured reader, mind control, starts off fluffy but gets real dark real quick, reader is a fan of Chris Evans

Author’s Note: This is loosely based on a dream I had and I know this gif is Dean looking at a coffee maker, but if you squint the coffee maker looks like a laptop :) Also, I don’t usually use capital letters (intentionally, but for no particular reason) but I thought I’d see how my writing looks with capital letters.

gif source

“Dean I don’t think your mic’s working,” You furrowed your brows in frustration, trying to tell him you couldn’t hear a word he was saying.

“Yeah it was off, that makes sense,” He laughed lightly. You smiled, happy to hear his voice and see his face. Sam and Dean had been on this hunt for nearly four days at this point and you missed your boyfriend so much it was driving you crazy. 

You weren’t much of a hunter; you preferred to keep a safe distance and help with research, instead of picking up a machete and chopping up vampires. Dean knew you preferred to stay home and he was happy with you being out of the line of fire. He’d hate himself if he let you get hurt on a hunt, you were his everything.

It was hard, though. You lived in the bunker but you still didn’t spend as much time with Dean as you would’ve liked to. You wanted to be with him each night instead of falling asleep to either his music playing on vinyl or his voice over the phone if you were lucky enough to be in the same time zone. Most of the time you’d go days without hearing his voice. 

That was until Sam had the brilliant (but blatantly obvious, you couldn’t believe you hadn’t come up with it) idea of you and Dean facetiming while doing research for the case; as opposed to just texting each other important details. 

“So, what’re you hunting?” You asked. Your laptop was set up next to your phone which is what you were calling Dean from. You were seated in the library and eager to help however you could. 

“Sam’s thinking a god,” Dean sighed. “He’s out getting the food.”

“And you’re doing the research?” You laughed. 

“Well, I wanted to talk with you, and see that beautiful face of yours,” He smirked. “Sammy can do the actual research when he gets back, should be soon.”

“I miss you,” You smiled, he did the same.

“I miss you, too, hun. How’re you doing? Cas is gonna get back home tomorrow morning so you won’t have the whole bunker to yourself for much longer.”

“It’s really lonely,” You laughed wryly. “As an introvert, I swore never to say this, but I kinda wish more people lived here.”

“Yeah, I know it’s... it’s not ideal,” He gave you a sympathetic look. “Y’know there’s a library in town you could go to if you don’t wanna be alone.”

“Yeah, I think I’m gonna head over there. I don’t know what’s wrong with me tonight, I’m really starting to go stir-crazy!” 

“Wanna stay on the phone while you drive over there?” Dean asked hopefully.

“Of course!” You emphasized. “I’m so happy I finally get to talk to you for the first time today! I’m just gonna change into something more presentable real quick.”

“It’s 2pm on a Tuesday and you’re going to a public library; who are you thinking you might run into?” He teased lightly.

“Hey if I go not looking my best and Chris Evans just happens to be there I would kick myself!” You replied honestly. “Gimme a second.” You put the phone on your dresser and faced it away from where you would be changing.

“Y/n, I’ve seen you naked, you can change in front of me!” He sighed dramatically when you didn’t respond right away. “C’mon, I miss you!”

“You only get to see these boobs when you hurry up, finish that case, and get your ass back here!” You called out to him as you got dressed.

“That’s no fair,” Dean whined. You finished getting dressed pretty quickly and grabbed your phone off your dresser and your purse off your desk before you left the room.

“Okay I’m heading out now,” You smiled at your phone as you walked up to the entrance of the bunker.

“Which car are you taking?” Dean asked. 

“Mine; it’s parked outside, not in the garage. why?”

“Just wanna know you’ll be safe getting there. A lot of the cars in the garage tend to break down at random,” He replied. You hopped into your car and set your phone on the stand that was attached to the front window. 

“Ah, shit,” You winced suddenly, your hands now pressed against your temples. “De, something’s wrong-” You croaked out. Your head felt like it was going to explode as your vision began getting blurry. 

“Y/n? Y/n, talk to me! What’s happening,” Dean exclaimed, his voice ripe with panic. 

The pounding in your head suddenly stopped as your vision went black and you passed out. 

Your head was throbbing as you woke up. You tried bringing your hands to your head but then realized you were tied to a chair. You then also realized you were wearing nothing but a bra and your boy-short panties. 

“What the fuck,” You mumbled to yourself. You tightened your fists and pulled against the restraints.

“It’s no use, y/n,” A voice behind you announced. “You’re not going anywhere anytime soon. who knows, you might even die here.”

**

“Y/n? Y/n!” Dean exclaimed. He was completely panicking as he watched your car door open and someone pull you out of the driver’s seat. 

“Dean Winchester!” The man picked up the cell phone and showed Dean his face; complete with hideous black eyes. “Looks like I now have the thing you care about most,” The demon laughed. 

“You son of a bitch,” Dean screamed. “You hurt her and I swear I will-”

“What? What’re you gonna do Dean? Kill me? You don’t know where I’m taking her and I’m dumping this meat suit before you get the chance to figure out this guy’s name. No, you can’t do anything, Dean. You are completely and utterly powerless. I have the bitch you seem to love so much, and there’s nothing you can do.”

“What do you want?” Dean seethed through gritted teeth. He slammed his fist on the table next to him. “What do you fucking want?”

“To watch you suffer,” The demon smirked then hung up.

“Son of a bitch!” Dean screamed. He grabbed the chair he was sitting on and threw it to the side in frustration.

“Dean, what the hell?” Sam exclaimed. He had walked in right as the chair hit the wall. “I take a little too long getting the burgers and you start breaking the furniture?” He laughed lightly. 

“Y/n,” Dean shouted. “A demon has y/n!”

“What the fuck? How? When?” Sam’s eyes widened.

“Just now, we- we were facetiming and she was gonna go to the library- and she- it just took her Sam- I-” Tears welled in Dean's eyes as he looked at his younger brother with desperation. 

**

“What do you want from me?” You asked the demon. He was now kneeling in front of you as he toyed with your hair. 

“Nothing, sweetheart,” He smiled wickedly. “You see, you are very important to Dean Winchester; I hate Dean Winchester. I want him to suffer. Having you locked up in here is the easiest way to torture him. He’ll find you eventually, I’m sure, but you’ll be so broken and beaten you won’t ever be the same. You’ll never be his cheerful y/n again. You’ll be worn down by what I'm going to do to you, you’re not going to want to be anywhere near him. And that will break his heart beyond repair - that will be the ultimate torture. I'll be known as the demon who destroyed Dean Winchester’s will to live.”

“You’re wrong,” You whispered. “Dean cares about me, sure, but losing me isn’t gonna break him, you idiot! He'll be over me within a few months then he will hunt you down and tear you limb from limb.”

“Maybe,” The demon shrugged. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see how long it takes him to get over you.” He pulled a knife out of his back pocket and plunged it into your thigh. You screamed in pain as tears streamed down your face. You looked down at the blood now dripping down your thigh then looked back up.

“D-Dean?” You whispered. “Wh-What’s going on?” Your head was spinning as you tried to focus on the man in front of you. “Dean! Dean, you found me?”

“Yeah, hun, it’s me,” The demon held your face with his hands. 

“H-Help me out of here,” You quivered, confused as to why Dean was so calm. He shook his head, smiled, then gripped the knife and twisted it. “Y-You’re not Dean!”

“Of course I am, y/n! And I'm so happy I finally get to show you how I really feel about you,” He smiled. He took the knife out and pressed it against your left breast. “You know I never really cared much about you, you’re just an easy lay.”

“You’re not Dean,” You closed your eyes tightly. “Dean loves me.”

“Awe, that’s really sweet y/n, but of course I'm Dean! And I wouldn’t say I love you, more like I love having my own pathetic fucktoy handy at all times,” He patted your cheek. “I mean, let’s face it; all we do when I'm not hunting is have sex! Why else would I want you living with me?”

“That’s- That’s not true!” You whispered, more to yourself than to the monster posing as the love of your life. “We have movie nights, we bake pie, we have dinner together, we-”

“Do we?” He touched your temple with two fingers. “Dean never did any of that with you.”

“Y-You never did any of that with me,” You mumbled.

**

“Days, Sam! It's been days!” Dean shouted. “Y/n is still with that fucking demon!”

“I know it’s been days, Dean but you need to sleep. Just four hours; recharge and come back with a clear head.”

“Do you think y/n is able to sleep? Or have a second of peace or quiet! She is being tortured by a demon, because of me!”

“Cas will be back with some information in a few hours, until then you should sleep,” Sam suggested. “Look, we’ve done all we can for right now, you’re no use to y/n if you’re too tired to function!”

Before Dean could protest, his phone rang and he answered; “Hello?”

“Dean Winchester,” the voice replied.

“Yes? Who is this?”

“I’m the demon that’s got y/n,” He replied. Dean could hear the smirk in his voice.

“I swear to God I will find you and-”

“And you’ll kill me, blah, blah, blah; you’ve said that before. I'm just calling to let you know you can have her back. I'll text you the address.” The demon hung up.

“What-” Dean brought his phone down, confused. “That was the demon, he said he’s texting me the address where y/n is,” He told Sam.

“What? That makes no sense?”

“Yeah, but he wasn’t lying,” Dean held up his phone and showed Sam the text. 

“It’s definitely a trap, right?”

“Doesn't matter, let's go; we can meet Cas there.”

“Dean, that's at least a six-hour drive; let me drive so you can sleep,” Sam offered. Dean was ridiculously tired and he knew he wasn’t at his full strength so he decided to take a nap on the way.

**

“Y/n! Oh my god!” Dean exclaimed when he walked into the dark warehouse and saw you tied to the chair.

“Sam?” You breathed out. “Cas?” You smiled slightly, barely lifting your head. 

“Hey- Hey hun,” Dean crouched down and held your face.

“What, now you’re all sweet?” You scoffed, then looked past him and up at his younger brother. “Sam, please help me! Dean, he- he did this to me.”

“What? No! No, no, I would never! I love you," Dean stuttered, not taking his eyes off you. He untied your right hand and you punched the side of his head, which caused him to fall to the side. 

“Cas! Please! You guys have to believe me!”

“It's okay, you’re safe now,” Cas came up to you. He put two fingers on your forehead and healed you. “We’re gonna take you home, okay?”

“Okay,” You replied as the angel untied you. Sam looked around for your clothes and, surprisingly, found them off to the side and folded neatly. Cas helped you up as Sam handed you your jeans and shirt, and you happily put them on. Dean was standing up at this point, but he just stood there; silent tears falling as he looked at you. 

“Y/n- Hun, please- please tell me you know this wasn’t me!” He whispered, you looked over at him. “Please you- you know it was a demon!”

“Oh and where is this demon now, Dean?” You asked flatly, Dean stayed silent. “You know, I fucking trusted you!” Tears escaped your eyes and you brushed them away quickly. You continued, gritting your teeth in anger, “I hate you.” 

“Let’s get you home,” Sam interrupted, he knew Dean didn’t do this and he needed to figure out how to make you know too. You nodded and followed Castiel out the door, Sam followed you and, after a moment, Dean did too.

Cas opened the back door for you while Sam opened the passenger door. 

“Sam, can you drive?” You asked him quietly. “Please? I know you don’t believe me about Dean, but I don't trust him; please don’t let him drive.”

“Sweetheart, I-” Dean started, overhearing what you said to Sam.

“Don’t you dare call me that,” You hissed and pointed your finger at him with anger. You turned back to Sam, “If it was up to me, I’d say cuff him; but at least don’t let him be the fucking driver!” With that, you hopped in the back seat, Cas doing the same after you.

Dean took the demon cuffs out of his back pocket and handed them to Sam before holding his hands behind him.

“Seriously?” Sam scoffed.

“I want her to feel safe,” Dean replied. “Well, as safe as she can feel while I'm still in proximity.” Sam nodded and cuffed his older brother before they both got into the car; Sam in the driver’s seat.

**

“You really don’t believe me?” You practically screamed. You were all back at the bunker and Sam was refusing to lock Dean up in the dungeon.

“It's not that I don’t believe you-”

“Then do something!”

“Sam, Dean, can I talk to you?” Cas asked and the three went around the corner, you huffed to yourself and sat at the war room table. “There’s something really wrong with y/n.”

“Yeah, Cas, we can tell,” Dean replied.

“No, I mean, really wrong! When I healed her at the warehouse, I could feel something pushing back.”

“What do you think that means?” Sam asked.

“I think we need to call Crowley. He’s had a soft spot for y/n for a while now, maybe he’ll know what’s wrong.”

“Yeah, great! Let another demon get their hands on her,” Dean scoffed sarcastically.

“Crowley isn’t just ‘another demon’ Dean; he might be able to reverse whatever’s happened here!” Castiel retorted. 

“Fine, fine we’ll give him a call,” Dean sighed. The three of them walked back around the corner but you weren’t sitting at the table anymore. “Y/n?” Dean called out, beginning to panic.

Sam rushed outside while Dean checked your bedroom and Cas checked the garage.

“Y/n, what’re you doing?” Dean asked. You frantically threw clothes into your duffle and didn’t answer him. “Sweet- Uh, sorry- y/n please,” Dean stumbled over his words.

“I’m leaving Dean, and I never want to see you again!” You exclaimed and tried to brush past him. He gently gripped your forearm to pull you back and your demeanor changed. “Please, please don’t hurt me,” You whispered; tears welled in your eyes as Dean’s widened. He let go of you and put his hands up, backing away.

“No, no I- I’m not going to hurt you, y/n, I wanna help you,” He said calmly. “We all do. Please, don’t go.”

“Why are you being so sweet now, I don’t understand,” You let the tears fall. “Is it just cause of Sam and Cas? Is that it? You’d like to take out your knife and get back to work but you don’t want your baby brother and your best friend to see you torturing me?”

“I- I don’t know what to say, y/n,” He replied, also letting tears fall. “I swear that was not me!”

“Right, right it was a demon,” You scoffed. “Seriously, Dean? The least you could do is own up to what you did, for fuck’s sake! But I guess I should’ve seen this coming, huh?”

“What’re you talking about?”

“You only ever cared about my body, Dean! Was just a matter of time before you got bored and used what Alastair taught you!”

“What? Y/n we’ve known each other for ten years, we’ve only been dating the last two! We didn’t even sleep together the first four months because we wanted to take it slow; do you not remember any of this?”

“Does this actually work on people?” You laughed. “You fake a few tears, look at them with lost puppy eyes, and try to make them believe such ridiculous lies?”

“Y/n!” Castiel called out from behind you. He had checked the garage and when he didn’t see you there he decided to check the kitchen and then head over to your bedroom.

“Castiel, please get me out of here!” You hurried to his side. “Dean won’t let me leave!”

“No- I-” Dean tried to protest but then just shook his head in defeat, not wanting to make things worse.

“We have a working theory going about what happened,” Cas lied to you. “We think Dean may have been possessed before, and the demon that possessed him may still be looking for you. You should stay here in the bunker where it’s safe, okay?”

“Okay, Cas, I trust you,” You clung to his arm, still terrified of Dean. 

“Dean, why don’t you get Sam and meet me in the dungeon in a few minutes,” Cas asked him. “Y/n, you can stay in your room until we know more.”

**

It took Crowley a couple of days to figure out what the demon did but once he did, he called Dean and was summoned to the bunker.

“It’s a hex bag,” He said before his trademark, “Hello, boys.”

“A hex bag? Where?” Sam asked. “She’s changed clothes, we’re nowhere near the warehouse-”

“According to Frank-” 

“Frank? The demon’s name is Frank?” Dean scoffed.

“Yes,” Crowley rolled his eyes. “Anyway, Frank said he carved it into her thigh.”

“Good Lord,” Sam muttered. 

“How do we get it out?” Dean asked Crowley. “We can’t just cut back into her!”

“That’s exactly what we’re going to do,” Crowley replied.

“No! She’s already terrified we can’t-”

“I can put her to sleep,” Castiel suggested. “She shouldn’t feel a thing.”

“Well, let’s get this over with,” Crowley walked out of the dungeon and over to your room.

“What’s he doing here?” You glared at Dean when the four men entered your bedroom. You had been seated on your couch reading when Crowley knocked and opened the door.

“Dean, maybe you should wait outside,” Sam told him quietly. Dean nodded slightly and backed out of the room.

**

“She’s asking for you,” Sam smiled a little, walking into the library to find Dean downing another glass of whiskey.

“Seriously!? She wants to see me?” He practically jumped out of the chair and then hurried to your room. He took a deep breath and opened your door.

You were at the edge of your bed with one knee tucked against you. When Dean entered, you looked at him with tear-stained eyes and let a quiet sob leave your lips. 

“I’m so sorry,” You whispered. “De, I’m so, so sorry!”

“No, no, no it’s- none of this is your fault,” He hurried to your side but hesitated to wrap his arms around you. “Can I… Can I hug you? Please?”

“Of course,” You replied and wrapped your arms around him when he held you. “I love you so much, Dean, I’m so sorry I believed the demon.”

“It’s not your fault, it was a hex bag,” He kissed the crown of your head. “You didn’t have a choice.”

“I know, but I should’ve been able to snap out of it!” You protested. “I mean, these hands,” You took his left hand and held it, kissing his palm gently. “I love these hands, how could I have believed that they, that you hurt me?” You kissed his hand again then looked up at him. “I’m sorry, for what I said.”

“It’s okay,” He kissed your forehead. “I’m just glad you’re okay, that you’re back.” The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while before Dean asked you, “How are you feeling?”

“Physically? Fine. Emotionally? Fucking terrible,” You replied, squeezing Dean tighter. “I keep getting these like flashbacks about what the demon did, and in a lot of the memories the demon still looks like you.”

“I’m sorry sweetheart, that sounds awful!”

“Yeah,” You sighed. “I'll be okay though, I’ve got you.”

[falling-star-cygnus]

I need Billy comfort after the one where he got trapped under a building, can you please make him be saved?

well since you asked so nicely, how could i refuse?

continuation of this fic‼️ you don’t have to read it, of course, but it will make this whole thing make more sense :D @starguardianniom [your request is on the way, i just thought you might also like to be tagged in the part two :D]

without further ado~

"BILLY!"

She doesn't know which one of them screams it, maybe it was all three, but Anby lunges for the android's jacket- lunges really for any part of him she might be able to grab- until her hands close on red leather. The inevitable weight of his metal body doesn't cross her mind until she's being tugged down with him.

The feeble floor cracks further under Anby’s feet as she digs her heels in. That damned, annoying Ethereal shrieks- probably much louder than what she can hear through her headphones- and stomps like a spoiled child being told no for the first time. She'll put it out of it’s misery once she gets Billy- too still, too unresponsive- back onto safer ground.

Only ...Anby never gets the chance.

The ground jumps under her feet, and the tight grip she had on his jacket futzs.

Billy falls.

Hands and arms wrap around her waist before she can do something stupid like leap down after him. An action she knows is irrational but all she can hear is the way the android hits each level of the building and she needs to get him back-

"ANBY-! WE NEED TO GO."

Of course. Right. Clarity washes over her like cold water; Anby can't save Billy if she's dead too. And he would just feel bad if she got hurt trying to save him, because he had no regard for himself-

The remaining members of the Cunning Hares' fumble out of building just in time to see it topple like a house of cards- with their former client pinned in front of them by a slab of concrete.

It flails a little bit- kinda like a bug does when you grab it's leg- and they're privy to a front row seat as a metal support beam crashes into the weird orb of it's head. The thing splatters like a paintball.

None of them feel much remorse.

A few seconds of silence go by, passed by the girls simply.. staring.

"Well…. alright, Hares," Nicole starts, dusting her hands off, "Divide and conquer. Billy has to be around here somewhere."

'Hopefully.' goes unsaid, but painfully heard.

"R-Right!" Nekomata pipes up, her tails lashing with nervous energy, "I’m sure we’ll find him in no time! He can’t really keep quiet, anyway, y- you know?"

Anby doesn’t say anything at all.

They split up, taking turns calling the android's name and pouncing on any slight glimpse of white or red or yellow. Even greenish black would be better than nothing. Each empty nook, each second of silence, grated on their nerves until they were like frayed live wires.

Usually, Billy kept track of how long the Cunning Hares' stayed in a Hollow. It kept them all from lingering too long, unless they got stuck, and it kept them safe. Why couldn't they keep Billy safe- Now they had no idea how long they'd been searching.

Nicole had moved on to bargaining with empty air.

"Billy," she calls, heaving a heavy pillar to the side with a huff, "Come on, answer already! I won't yell at you anymore, or whack you or- or anything. Just answer us, please!"

"And I won't make fun of how you like to listen to classical music to fall asleep!" Nekomata joins in, from somewhere to Anby's left, "I'll even go to Random Play with you to find more, meow!"

"I'll watch Starlight Knights with you," It couldn't hurt to join in after all, Anby decides, "We could all go to the restaurant, and invite the Phaethon siblings, and-"

It was like something out of one of her movies. The second Anby pushes aside a new piece of rubble, she sees it. A tattered piece of the android's jacket- connected to tattered sleeves and sparking metal arms and a big fluffy head of white hair.

The relief almost sends the smaller Demara to her knees.

Time and place, she reminds herself fiercely, quickly signaling the other two closer to better excavate their friend. He's not in any form of good condition. It doesn't even look like he's conscious.

One of his video sensors is cracked, infected with a galactic black sludge that glows a mixture of pinkish blue red purple. The rest of his plating was pulsating green, and severe corruption was blooming anywhere it could take root.

It even looked like his audio processers were damaged. Anby couldn't even imagine how that must felt for her hyperactive friend- stuck in a silent, cramped space while Ether ate at his mind. Trapped without knowing that they were looking for him.

She hoped he would know anyway, that he wouldn't be wondering if he'd die alone under the weight of a building. Billy wasn't exactly insecure, but...

Anby shakes herself out of thinking about it. They'd found him, that was all that mattered at the moment. Now the Hares' just had to get him back home and back in working order.

"Both of you, stand back!" Nicole orders, aiming her briefcase above the wreckage pinning the android's lower torso.

The smaller girls are quick to comply, and out of the corner of her eye she can see the thiren swipe something golden off the ground. Nekomata shows it to her in silent explanation before shoving it deep into her sleeve for safekeeping.

Billy's little sheriff star.

A shot goes off before the smaller Demara can dwell on it, and suddenly the rubble atop their friend is being vacuumed up into the blackhole that Nicole manifests. They each grab a metal limb and tug him out of range.

One problem taken care of, another appears. The corruption blooming from his joints is excessive. If they take him out of the Hollow like this...

"We don't have time to think about it," Nicole reminds them all, voice tight with the weight of the android's life, "Anby, cut off as many of these... things as you can without hurting him. We'll see what we can do from there."

Anby nods once, and readies her sword.

One, two, four, eight turns to sixteen and sixteen turns to the very last one being cut down without mercy. With each bud removed, the sickly green light between his plates fades until it's barely there at all. There's not much to be done about the crack over his eye until they make it to a mechanic, but even that seems to lose it's glitchy appearance.

The Cunning Hares' don't bother with fighting the Ethereals they pass- there's no time- so it's mad dash to the exit that jostles the android's already crushed legs.

....Billy really was all limbs and pizazz.

It's only once the reunited Hares' make it a good deal from the Hollow that they stop running, doubled over and desperate for a full breath. Anby takes a quick survey of their surroundings as she gently lowers Billy to the ground, propped up on her lap to at least provide a little comfort.

It looks they ended up in Belobog territory, around where that eccentric mechanic liked to linger around. Gary-? Grail? Whatever...

Nekomata crouches down next to them and fishes the little star out of her sleeve. It's battered, and kind of dented around the points, but it still clips onto the leather like it never left.

Anby can vaguely hear Nicole tap away at her phone behind her, the curses muttered almost like a soothing balm of normalcy as the last of the corruption finally leaves Billy. His cracked eye returns to it's familiar shade of yellow- if painfully dull compared to his normal vibrancy.

But he's still unresponsive.

Still so hauntingly quiet and still. It's unnatural, and it isn't right. And none of them know if the android's going to last until tomorrow. Or even until the next hour.

Unbidden, Anby can feel her lower lip tremble- can feel stinging behind her eyes as she continues to run her hand through dusty white hair. It held none of the softness it did before this whole... job. Before her stupid grip had fumbled.

Anby hadn't cried in years, yet now she finds she can only helplessly watch as the salt splatters against the android's face plate. Like a mimicry of tears he wasn't built to shed.

"AhHh- Anby, don't cry," Nekomata frets, clearly freaked out by the uncharacteristic display, "He'll be okay! Bil- Billy's tough as nails, remember? I haven't known him for as long as you two.. but even I can tell that!"

Her puffy sleeves gently pat at the smaller Demara's face, trying to clear away the stupid liquid that was blurring her vision. Soft mantras of 'he'll be ok' are whispered, even as the thiren herself starts to cry.

Anby hunches over, would be curling into her knees if it wasn't for the weight of the unmoving android on her lap, and Nekomata clutches onto the lapels of his jacket and stifles a hiccup by biting down on her lip.

He wasn't coming back to them this time.

He wouldn't be there in the morning to braid her hair, or entertain her movie references, or lighten the mood with his silly Starlight Knight quips. He wouldn't be there to help them reach tall shelves, or distract their clients while Nicole emptied their bank accounts, or flail about with his lanky limbs.

Billy wouldn't be there.

...

..creak...

...Creak..

Creak.

Cool metal fingers brush past Anby's face, and then Nekomata's, and then fall limply back to the hard concrete.

"...don't... cry.."

...

...!

Billy!

Warm light finally flickers to life behind the android's video sensors, dimmer than normal but there.

Anby feels as though her heart's been restarted. Like the world had suddenly been bleached of color only for it to be a really badly timed greyscale shot.

Billy was alive, and whirring back into gear under their hands.

"You guys... really came for me..?"

"You big dummy!" Nekomata sniffs, ears and tails poofed like she'd been startled, "of course we did!"

"Have more faith in us," Anby echoes the thiren, resting her forehead against the android's with one final sniff. Nekomata rests her's against the diamond on his chest.

He can't hear them, his audio processers are still busted, but Anby hopes he can feel their care for him. Hopes he can feel how much they love him, and that they were here to stay no matter what happened. Just like he was for them.

Billy Kid was the heart of the Cunning Hares', after all.

[blueikeproductions]

Got to see TFONE last night.

Spoilers obviously.

This is more looking at the world building and references than the film as a whole though.

The theater I was in wasn’t exactly full. Initially it was just me and a mother & son. Later on another family and some college/high school girls trickled in, but that was it. The box office so far, despite the film debuting at #1 and positive reviews and word of mouth, is pretty weak.

It’s been pointed out that once more that casuals don’t really care if it’s accurate to Transformers or not, they just like seeing the shredded metal Bionicles smashing each other and transforming into cool cars, skeletal dinosaurs, & skeletal nonsense animals.

Like it or not, the Bayformers are still very popular, heck the audience for The Last Knight I was in years ago was considerably bigger than this.

Do not be shocked if at some point the movies go back to these guys:

Over these guys.

The TFONE toys have rolled out, and have largely superseded the EarthSpark toys, but so far they don’t seem to be budging. Now before you say kids don’t like toys anymore, the kids I saw in Ollie’s were excited looking at the toys, but even at Good Stuff Cheap, the kids didn’t buy anything because it was still too expensive for them.

It’s all about price, and I’m sorry to say the TF toys are just too expensive still. I almost got a Sentinel Prime toy because I liked him in the film, but the cheapest thing was 10 dollars and not worth the amount as a 1-Step Changer.

The toy aspect I’ll circle back to because it’s relevant, but as for the movie itself, it’s good!

I liked it well enough, it’s definitely the film hard cores claim they wanted. Personally I still kinda prefer the Bay films. DotM is my personal favorite, and the use of Sentinel Prime as the main villain echos some of that. As a new origin story, it does what it’s supposed to do, and it’s the only time Optimus and Megatron being friends actually makes sense. The old G1 episode that sparked it, Megatron was never Orion’s friend, he just feigned interest to get Energon. Cyberverse and Prime, despite what the writers pat themselves on the back for a showing a nuanced Megatron, no he was just an unstable idiot that threw a 4 million year hissy fit when Optimus got what he wanted.

Here, TFONE takes great pains to establish Optimus and Megatron’s relationship. It’s very believable they used to be close friends, and I think part of it is the movie ignoring the political aspect that drove Aligned, IDW, and Cyberverse, instead casting both as underclass Worker-Bots that mined for Energon in the bowels of Cybertron. They’re just a couple of college aged dudes bonding over their love of the Primes, their wide eyed optimism and their job. Simple as that. Honestly I think the political aspects that stuff like IDW went so hard on was what made Orion and Megatron being friends before hard to believe, especially when most stories made it clear Megatron had a corrupt, semi selfish agenda to put himself in charge. Regardless if this film does well financially, hopefully the goodwill will see Hasbro and other creatives go with the blue collar approach for Optimus and Megatron’s origins. That works so much better. Also a big change is Orion was the well meaning reckless go getter, while Megatron as D-16 preferred structure and routine. Usually past stuff had it the opposite, so this is a welcome change. Even a recent manga took this to heart with Optimus as the reckless prankster doodling on Alpha Trion’s statue and falling asleep during class, while Megatron was the more attentive, studious one. More of this please.

Similarly, the future Autobots all being the Cogless while the future Decepticons were the high society/corrupt High Guard also makes so much more sense, as it never made sense before how the Decepticons were bad if they were the ones standing up to an oppressive government and the Autobots were the privileged ones that seemed to be defending it. Netflix WFC even acknowledges in-story that’s what’s happening but doesn’t really offer a reason as to why things escalated this badly and why we should root for the Autobots if they’re supposed to technically be the rich we’re supposed to eat.

So yes more of this, more the AUTOBOTS were the oppressed underclass. That makes much more sense, than they were the ones who largely benefitted from the old system.

As for the general lore, this is pretty divorced from what’s been the norm so far.

The Primus origin story is the default with the Quintessons as an ancient alien enemy that attacked the Transformers years ago still in play. From there it spirals into its own thing.

The Primes are simply known as the Primes, they’re never called The Thirteen at any stage. They were the peaceful, benevolent rulers of Cybertron who were prone to epic speeches. Zeta Prime is among the Primes, and was the Matrix holder before Sentinel Prime. It’s unclear if Zeta is the replacement for The Arisen, since The Arisen being Optimus was such an unpopular idea (wouldn’t it make more sense if he was Rodimus?), but until an art book comes out to clarify it, I’m leaning towards Zeta Prime being the replacement member.

Zeta’s character model was a loose hybrid of his previous designs but with a G1 ‘toon bent.

Also, Primes die (except Alpha Trion) during a Quintesson ambush. Alchemist Prime never goes on to become Maccadam in this universe. Megatronus Prime is the most popular Prime among the youngest population and he has a lot of merch. Megatron had posters and a sticker tattoo he proudly wore gifted to him by Orion. Megatronus was the biggest, and most powerful Prime, but unlike most incarnations, he didn’t turn on his siblings for selfish, Unicron related reasons or was perpetually on fire as he was among the first to be killed. If anything they made him look more like a G1 cartoon version of IDW Tarn. I thought it WAS Tarn at first until I corrected myself.

The Primes have more unique designs, taking cues from the Aligned designs, though Vector Prime is more specifically based on his Galaxy Force design, but otherwise are their own thing. Potentially the upcoming Age of Primes successor to Legacy may use these as a basis. In particular they finally found a readable design for this monstrosity.

Taking the base idea and pushing it into an Ed-209 direction.

Sentinel Prime is the current leader of Cybertron, but he’s a fraud. Formerly an assistant to the Primes, he hated them and coveted their power and the Matrix. Making a deal with the Quintessons, he stages a coup that kills the Primes, with Sentinel slaying several himself, Megatronus (and much later Alpha Trion) among them. While having a certain charm, he’s a selfish, greedy weasel who sold out his people for power, robbing the newest generation (Orion, Megatron, Bumblebee and Elita among them) of their Cogs and making them into a worker class to mine Energon to pay off the Quintessons. It’s never explained WHY the Quints attacked Cybertron, though maybe that’s something for TFTWO to tackle if we get one. While described more as paying off debts to loan sharks, it comes more off as Sentinel paying them to leave Cybertron alone. Sentinel’s actions also caused Cybertron’s energy crisis, as in this universe, the Matrix itself is tied to the flow of Energon on the planet. When Sentinel ripped open Zeta’s chest to claim the Matrix, the babble disintegrated like it did in RotF, denying Sentinel the power he craved and starving the planet of free flowing liquid Energon. Instead, he took Megatronus’ T-Cog as a trophy. Like RotF, the Matrix only appears to those worthy of it. This again makes more sense than just having it laying around for writers to make Megatron be worthy of it instead when he absolutely shouldn’t be, let alone able to use it at all.

Despite the Quintessons being the background antagonists, it’s never clarified in the film if they’re still related to Quintus Prime or not. To an extent I’d sort of prefer if they weren’t related, I’ve always been mixed on the idea that the Transformers created the Quints, vs the more clever meta gag the TFs are in-universe product created by the Quints.

The Quints, what little we see of them, have unique designs that are way different from the tiki mask wearing eggs but still harken back to them somewhat. They took great pains to make them look scary, giving them a more bio mechanical look. Even their ship looks somehow alive, having the same bio mechanical design. The Quintessons aren’t usually known for their fighting ability but these guys are brutal. Their foot soldiers are crablike versions of these one offs from the G1 ‘toon:

No Sharkiticons for these guys, at least not yet.

A funny observation is while the Transformers have a written alien language, it flip flops between a Japanese looking script to just being straight up English. Perhaps English is galactic standard on Cybertron.

Circling back to the toys, the toys don’t take advantage of a unique gimmick within the story itself. The T-Cogs are a major plot point, and like in more modern media, are the reason the Transformers can Transform at all. Not having one is seen as bad, as some throwaway lines see some Cogless having tried to Transform without one, but twisting themselves into pretzels.

Despite being present when D-16 openly said he wanted to kill Sentinel dead for his betrayal (Megatron LOVED Sentinel originally, a big don’t meet your heroes moment for him), Alpha Trion saw fit to gift the four Cogless workers the Cogs from the Primes to shape their destiny and save Cybertron. Orion got Prima, Bumblebee got Micronus (cuz he’s small, geddit?), but the other two I’m not clear on. The other donated Cogs were Onyx’s and Alchemist’s, but who they went to I’m not super sure. I THINK Elita got Onyx and D-16 got Alchemist, but feel free to correct me. Later on, D-16 stole back Megatronus’ Cog from Sentinel, and installed it in himself after removing Alchemist’s. Doing so causes D-16 to evolve into his more traditional Megatron body, with a tricked out triple barrel cannon in place of his usual cannon. Sentinel also briefly turns into artillery laden battle mode using Megatronus’ Cog.

My point being is you could’ve had the One toyline be built around a Mini-Con/Powermaster like gimmick, where plugging in a Cog unlocks a battle mode and the ability to Transform. Even if it’s not 100% accurate, how cool would it be to have a toy of Elita where upon plugging in Solus Prime’s Cog causes a pop out Solus Forge Hammer to appear. Alternatively, the Cog itself Transforms into a Prime themed weapon, so Orion Pax gets a Cog that turns into Prima’s sword or Megatron gets a beastly clip on cannon from Onyx. Stuff like that would be really cool I feel. They kinda have a Cog theme in the current 1-Step Cog Changers, but it’s not quite right.

My only real complaint with the movie itself is the High Guard, the future Decepticons and soldiers that worked with the Primes originally, feel tacked on. Screamer, the Waves and the Jets occupy the Guard, with Starscream as the leader. They broke off from Sentinel after seeing his betrayal, but they also seem very keen on seizing power for themselves, as Starscream has no Nobel intentions, he simply wants to be in charge as those in charge have the power and luxury. The Guard are responsible for minor attacks and inconveniences to stick it to Sentinel, but the movie only tells us this when we meet the group. It might’ve helped if there was a scene early on that better establishes them, like Orion and D-16 watching a news report about them, and D scoffs at their audacity or something. Nevertheless Megatron high jacking the Guard is a clever subversion on his and Starscream’s schtick: Megatron is the young upstart who took it over from the much older established Starscream. Future resentment should be amusing though despite being humiliated in front of his squad, and his voice box damaged, Starscream seems content to follow for now.

Shockwave is also more of a comic relief character here. He’s very emotional and silly, berating the others for not having Bee’s gag on tight enough so he’d shut up, and there’s a running gag about Elita punching him in his eye, that caused him to shut up and listen to her. Shockwave was also the one to try and help Starscream when D-16 beats the crap out of him, but Soundwave stops him. No logic from this version, so perhaps Shockwave in the future will be more like his traitorous Marvel G1 self? Skybound also entertained a huge departure in Shockwave as a highly emotional mad scientist, so we’ll see if this bares fruit.

All and all, this is a solid entry and as it’s own thing (Lorenzo was finally forced to admit One is a new universe unrelated to Bayformers), but with the movie currently struggling to make back its budget, it’s functionally a flop right now. It will probably do far better on Streaming like RotB (besides P+, it also did really well on Netflix in other countries) but with people generally being okie-dokie with the film’s premise, hopefully that sees Hasbro using this backstory going forward for other projects as this is what we should’ve had for Aligned, Cyberverse, EarthSpark & IDW, not the crappily written moral ambiguity we’ve been stuck with most people hate.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Unexpected 2

Sequel to Unsolicited

Warnings: non/dubcon, pregnancy, Lloyd being the worst, and other dark elements.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

As usual, I would appreciate any and all feedback. I’m happy to once more go on this adventure with all of you! Thank you in advance for your comments and for reblogging.

Those two dreaded lines. Mocking you as you stare at the plastic stick. You snap it in half with a growl, wishing it was Lloyd. Or at least the part of him that got you into this mess.

You toss the test and wash your hands. You enter the bedroom. His room. Your cell.

You go to the bed and lay on your side. Hopefully you fall asleep before he decides to drag his ass up here. A better idea would be sleeping on one of the many couches in this oversized place but the last time only got you tossed over his shoulder. You don’t have the energy. At least now you know why you feel like such absolute shit.

You shut off the lamp and close your eyes. It’s early but what else can you do but sleep through the misery. It’s the only time you feel anything close to content. Not happy, no mad or sad, neutral. The vague dissonance of your subconscious is preferable to your grey reality.

You only manage a tenuous limbo before he comes in. You listen to his footfalls as he makes no effort to be quiet and flips on the lamp on his side. You refuse to open your eyes and keep your back to him. The rustle of his clothing fills the silence. The bed dips and there’s a light tug on the blanket above your shoulder.

“Peaches, you know the rules,” he pulls the duvet back completely, “no clothes in bed.”

You huff and shimmy up the silk nightie, lifting yourself slightly to get it past your chest, and making an ungainly effort to shed it. You fling it carelessly and flop back down, pulling the blanket around you once more. You watch his shadow as it moves above your own as he continues to undress.

He folds the blanket back and lowers himself behind you. You go rigid and stare at the wall. He slips down the duvet from your shoulder and brushes his stash against your skin. You curl your posture forward and cross your arm. He grabs your elbow and pulls you back, grazing his teeth against you.

“Don’t do that, baby face,” he warns, “whatsa matter?”

You don’t answer and growl at the empty space of the room. His hand crawls under the blanket and he traces the curve of your side, pinching a love handle meanly so you yipe and swat him away. He grabs your wrists and pulls, forcing you onto your back. He hooks and arm over you as he props his weight up on his other.

“You take the test?”

You sneer at him and the dimple in his cheek betrays his victory.

“So we got a little Hansen Jr. on the way, huh?”

“Doesn’t have to be,” you say, “I’m too old–”

“Ah,” he warns, placing his hand firmly around your chin. “Let’s not even mention that.”

“Lloyd,” you swallow, “I’m too old. I can’t–”

“If you were too old, you wouldn’t be knocked up, now would you?” He squeezes, “I don’t want to hear another word about… that.”

“Still, won’t know for sure until I see the doctor–”

“Which you fucking will be,” he draws his hand down and tickles your neck, “make sure you’re in tip top shape to carry a Lloyd Hansen special.”

“Ew,” you turn your face away and curl your lip.

He pushes the blanket further and fondles your tit. He buries his face in your chest, nipping at you as he purrs. You tense and hold your breath, irritated by his dismissal. Of course, it’s not up to you. Nothing ever is. Nothing ever will be.

He gets to his knees as he shoves the blanket off your entirely. He rips your legs apart and climbs between them, sliding flat on his stomach as you grit your teeth at the ceiling. His breath fans across your pelvis as he hooks his arms around your thighs.

“Sweet cheeks, don’t be like that,” he teases, “what’s up, baby?” He bends and bites your thigh until you whimper, “you think daddy’s gonna lose interest? Mmmm,” he purrs against your leg, “fuck, I’m ready to fucking blow just think of how big your gonna get. Tits, already spectacular, and they’re gonna get even bigger–”

“Shut up—”

“You don’t believe me.”

“I’m pissed at you,” you push on his head before he can bow against your cunt, holding him away from you as you lift yourself on a single elbow, “you’re a fucking psychopath.”

“But I fuck good,” he grins, “so, like, that’s one redeeming quality.”

He snakes his arm out from under one leg and pushes your hand away. He clings to you as he holds your wrists against your stomach as he drops his head down. He delves into you without patience, without shame as his tongue glides between your folds. He breathes you in greedily, lapping at you wildly, only to suck cloyingly on your clit.

You exhale through your nose, voice catching in your throat tightly as you arch into him. You slap his head and snarl. It’s never a very long argument, it always devolves to this. What can you do against this man who can walk into a jewelry store and decide to buy a woman’s dignity as easily as he picks out a new rolex?

Your fingers twine unthinkingly into his hair, your other hand grazing the soft short buzz along the side of his head. You groan as your toes curl, his arm still looped around one leg as his other hand creeps up to grope your chest. He kneads you as his tongue flicks furiously.

Fuck him and the way he plays you so easily. Mentally, spiritually, physically. You will never get a step ahead of him.

His arm tightens around your thigh and he rolls you over, bringing you up onto his face. You squeak at the sudden shift and push yourself up. You feel as if you're suffocating him as he devours you from below. You look down at his hair, set askew by your grasp, his face nestled firmly between your legs.

He hums into you and brings his hand up to your hip, gripping and rocking you over him. You clamp onto your own calf as your thighs strain and your lower back aches dully. You follow his motion, driven by the swirling sensation seeping from your core.

His other hand remains on your chest, tweaking and fondling blindly. You hang your head and shudder, shaking as you try to resist the surge. Pleasure erupts and scatters your nerves, breaking the last of your resolve as you ride out your climax.

He lets you slow, his hand slipping down your ass as he wiggles his face free of your cunt. He puffs as warm wet breath up your pelvis as his hand brushes down your stomach. He licks his lips lewdly as he catches his breath.

Before you can think or speak, he flips you again. You bounce against the mattress as he lifts himself from between your legs, slinging your knees over his elbow as he keeps you bent and splayed. He looks down your body as his tip bobs against your folds.

He slides free an arm, your leg falling around his hip as he frames your lips with his fingers and spreads them. He guides his dick down to your entrance with the vee of his index and middle finger. He dips into you as you claw at the blankets and growl.

“You can’t just fuck this… away,” you gasp.

“Not like I can knock you up again,” he snickers as he bends over you and impales you with a snap of his hips.

You whine and constrict around him as he wiggles his pelvis. He pushes deep until you squirm and hooks his arm under your head. You turn your face away so his lips meet your cheek. He growls and drops his head down to your neck, biting you sharply.

He rocks against you as his hand follows your arm to the wrist. He carries his motion as he leads your touch down his side and along his ass. He spreads your fingers wide across his firm cheek and snarls into your throat. He makes you squeeze him.

He raises his head and his breath glosses into your ear, “put your finger in my ass.”

“Wha–”

“Just do it, baby,” he purrs and curls your fingers tighter, “fucking do it!”

His weight smothers you as he lets your hand go, gripping your hip as he ruts into you, groaning long and low. You close your eyes and tilt your chin up. This fucking man. This pervert. The mustache says it all.

You slide your hand over and try not to think of what you’re doing. You’re not exactly a prude but your ex-husband certainly wasn’t the type and your college ex was a bit too open about his kinks. Still, you can’t compare Lloyd to either of them.

You touch his rippled ring and he growls as he grabs your face and turns it straight. He kisses you, tongue invading your mouth before you can react. You push your finger against him if only to try to deter him. You slip inside and he near bites your tongue, crushing his lips to yours with a snarl. His forehead remains flush with yours as his lips part.

“Deeper,” he urges you.

You obey and he jerks into you harder. He fucks you deeper the further you get. Soon, your flesh is clapping erratically as he throws his head back and unleashes. You feel him quaking as the friction of his thrusts thrum through your clit. You swallow your orgasm as it peaks at the back of your throat, gnashing your teeth as he speeds up.

He pounds into you, unrestrained as he groans and moans, “yeah, that’s it, baby. I’m fucking– gonna–”

He spasms and hangs his head down next to yours as he chases his release. You feel it inside you, slick and hot as he shudders to a stop and it leaks out around him. He falls onto you limp and you pull your finger free, holding it away from you as you lay prone beneath him.

“I wasn’t sure I’d like that,” he rasps as his heart races in his chest, “but damn if you didn’t just unlock something, peaches.”

[p0orbaby]

Pandoras Box

Summary - Days of waiting has lead to this moment, but your waking may have unearthed more questions than answers

Authors note - I’ve rewritten this like three times and I hate it but here we are

Warnings - mentions of; drugs, forced usage, alcohol I think? Hospital setting, (inaccurate) medical talk, addiction recovery, Wanda being a sad bean

Word count - 4.3k

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There’s nothing more disorienting than waking up in a place you don’t remember going to sleep in.

As a child, falling asleep on the couch and waking up in your bed the next morning felt like magic. As an adult the magic is quickly replaced by some sort of negative emotion. Dread. Confusion. Fear. It raises questions that you might not want the answers to.

You stirred to the gentle beeping sounds of machines on either side of your head. The sterile smell of cleaning products and clinically fresh sheets took over your senses. Well, whatever ones you were able to determine still worked. It was unsettling and confusing not knowing where you were or how you got there.

Your head was groggy. Filled with fog and a pounding that made you close your eyes tight to relieve some pressure. To ground yourself. Gain some sort of balance back to an already unstable start.

Where were you? The question swam through your mind as you tried to think. The last thing you remember was…you weren’t exactly sure. You tried to conjure memories but your head hurt too much to make any clear sense of what could have happened.

Then when a warm hand clutched your cold one and a brush of lips ghosted over your temple, it was as if fog had cleared. You could feel the familiar throb where the I.V. was inserted into the skin of your hand. The stiff sheets rough against your sensitive skin. The scratch of a pen nib on paper attached to a clipboard.

“Vitals are stable. Heart rate has increased slightly, but that’s normal and nothing I’m too concerned about. Their consciousness is catching up so they should hopefully come around fully soon”

“Thank you, Doctor. Really”

Hospital.

“No need to thank me, it’s what we do. I’ll be back in a few minutes to check on your wife’s progress. In the meantime just sit and wait. A friendly face is always reassuring to patients when they wake up”

There was rustling of what you presumed was a doctor's coat, and the tapping of several feet on the tile floor. Then it was quiet. For a time anyway. It was Wanda’s small sob that cut through the beeping and the muted bustle of the corridor outside.

“Please Y/N, can you just wake up already?” She choked through gasps of air. You could tell she was trying to keep it together. God knows how long you’d been in hospital for. Or how long she’s been waiting by your bedside. Guilt flooded through you as your mind raced with the whats and the how’s and the why’s.

So with as much strength you could muster up with what little energy you had, you squeezed your wife’s hand. It was gentle, a barely there gesture, but she felt it. You knew she did because she sucked in a breath and squeezed back.

You did it again.

So did she.

-

When you finally opened your eyes, your eyelids fluttered at the harsh lights of the hospital room. Lashes fanning your cheeks. The light made your vision hazy. Blurred around the edges as you tried to focus on the indistinct figures that surrounded you. Then like a beacon of hope, a light emerging from the dark, you saw her.

Wanda. Your Wanda. Her eyes were filled with both relief and concern. Red rimmed, from tears, you suspected. Or tiredness. Worry even. Her free hand soft against your cheek, the pad of her thumb delicately tracing a line under your eye. Her touch was gentle and full of love. As it always was. The weight of her presence washed over you suddenly. Having to catch up to how your body craved her. As if you’d been without her for months, though you only remember seeing her the same morning.

The clearing of a throat sounded from the foot of your bed. More silhouettes emerged, making themselves known. Your eyes slowly finding Tony, his usual cocky demeanor was replaced by a somber expression of furrowed brows and a downward curve to his mouth. A look you know comes from a place of seriousness.

He had Natasha standing next to him. Her arms folded over her chest, nails digging into the leather of her jacket. A gesture stemmed from stress, you’d learnt. Years of knowing her made things like that hard to hide. It made you wonder why you were here. Why your friends surrounded you, protesting signs of worry you hadn’t been privy to for years. You were to find out what happened to you as you tried to make the mental calculations with what little information you had.

Wanda’s voice broke the silence, her words wavering. “You scared me”, her voice filled with a raw vulnerability you don’t often hear from a woman so strong. “I don’t know what I would’ve done without you”

Your eyes welled up instinctively at her words. The weight of them seemed to sit on your chest in a way you couldn’t explain.

Tony stepped forwards then, his voice filled with both concern and sternness. You got flashbacks to your younger years at his tone. “I can’t say I’m happy with how you got here, but I’m sure as hell relieved you’re back with us”

Natasha nodded in agreement. “Gave us all a bit of a heart attack” she added.

You went to reply, to try to ask some of the questions you had plaguing your mind, but your mouth was so dry only a croak managed to find its way out. A nurse brought a plastic cup of water to your lips out of nowhere. The liquid was cool against your dehydrated skin.

“There’s no need to speak right now, Y/N”. Another voice was added to the mix. You turned your head so you could see who it was coming from. You gathered it was the person stood with a clipboard. The one you heard being written on earlier you presumed. “It’s good to see you awake. I’m Doctor Evans. You’ve been through a lot, but you’re on the path to recovery now”

Recovery? Your mind raced, trying to recall the events that could have led up to a moment like this. The doctor's expression softened slightly as they registered your confusion. Your worry.

“You were in an induced coma” they explained gently. “You had a drug overdose and we had to intervene to stabilise your condition. A critical one, I admit, but lucky for you and your family, you’ve pulled through with the help of our team”

As Doctor Evans shared the details, a flurry of emotions overcame you. Shame. Fear. Confusion. A drug overdose? That can’t be true can it?

“I- I’m sorry?” You finally croaked out. “A drug-“

“We have a team of specialists that can support you,” the doctor continued. His statement filled with genuine concern. “We’ll address not only the physical aspects, but also the underlying issues that may have contributed to this situation. Recovery is possible, and you don’t have to face it alone”

How could this happen? You’ve been clean from drugs for years. You’ve fought tooth and nail to break free from the clutches of addiction. The torment of those dark days will forever be etched deep within your memory. A constant and serious reminder of the uphill battle you have faced. So why now? How did you end up in this hospital bed, fighting for your life once again?

-

The hospital room was dimly lit. The day had gotten away from the two of you. Emotions of the news and circumstances you found yourself in making the sterile air around you thick with, something. Guilt perhaps. Or anger. Wanda could sense it too. She was feeling much of the same. Guilt that she didn’t spot the signs. Anger that you’d jeopardise everything you’d built together over the years in just one night.

She sat at the edge of the bed, her eyes shining from frustrated tears. Finger fidgeting with the loose threads of the old sweater she wore.

She’d dismissed Tony and Natasha hours ago and sat stewing in your room whenever she found the chance. Her gaze was fixed on you, her once soft demeanor now replaced with a torrent of rigid emotions. Years had passed since this topic had made her feel this way. With sobriety being your focus for so long. But the scars it had left on her heart were far from healed. And now they’ve been reopened, it made her wonder if they had ever healed at all.

Her voice trembled as she began to speak, her words full of disappointment as you braced yourself for something more than a slap in the wrist. "Do you have any idea what you have put me through these last few days? The fear, the uncertainty? I thought I was going to lose you, and I was left here thinking about how I'd have to raise our children alone. Do you even know how much I worried that I might become a widow, that my children might never know their mother?"

You cringed. You could feel the weight of her words crushing you, the guilt seeping into your bones as you looked at the floor from where you sat defeatedly between the sheets. Unable to meet her gaze, like a child being disciplined. Wanda's anger was justified, of course it was. Her tears only adding to the heaviness of the moment. The magnitude of the potential consequences of your actions.

"I can't believe you would be so reckless, so selfish," she continued, her voice breaking as she struggled to keep her composure. "You have a family, responsibilities. And you almost threw it all away. All for a fucking high!”

The room seemed to close in around you, the seriousness of everything weighing heavily on your chest. Crushing you under its unforgiving thumb. You hadn't had the chance to truly grasp the extent of the pain you had caused until now, even as your brain swam with questions. But as Wanda's voice cracked and tears streamed down her face, whatever happened has shaken her in a way you never wanted to be responsible for. Not again.

You looked at her finally. Her throat blushing red with rage as she seemingly held back more things she wanted to get off of her chest. Eyes glistening in the low light of the lamp on your bedside. You weren’t sure how you ended up in this situation, but you knew that facing your wife and all her anger was essential. That only through this confrontation could you hope to mend the wounds you had inflicted. It was a reckoning long overdue, a storm that needed to be weathered before the healing could begin.

“I’m so sorry, Wanda,” you eventually managed to whisper, your voice heavy with remorse. Timid. “I never meant to hurt you like this. I- I don’t know how it happened”

Wanda’s anger seemed to ebb ever so slightly, replaced by what can only be described as exhaustion. She was tired. Of what specifically you didn’t know. But you’d bet you and your antics were high on her list. She wiped her tears roughly with the back of her hand, taking a shuddering breath. “I need you to listen. I need you to fully understand how scared I was, how close I was to losing everything. Our family was almost shattered because of your stupidity. For God sake Y/N, you have a family!. What the fuck were you thinking?”

Tears welled up in your eyes again. Replacing the drying ones. A potent cocktail of emotions bubbling within you. “I don’t know. Shit, Wanda I don’t know! I have no excuses. I was foolish, thoughtless even” you stopped to suck in a breath. To gather yourself slightly. “I’m sorry, but I- I don’t even know what I’m sorry for. For everything I guess”. There was nothing else you can say, really. Nothing would ever reach the corners it needed to. Not yet anyway. Not until you yourself could understand what was going on.

However much you believed them, the words tasted bitter in your mouth. Not because you didn’t mean them exactly, but you felt like you were apologising for something you weren't conscious of doing. Like being ridiculed for sleepwalking, or cheating on someone in a dream. How could you really apologise for something you couldn’t even recall?

Wanda’s anger looked to soften further. She knew you were trying. She’s not blind to your struggles. And the tears now flowing down your cheeks made her heart ache for you. She reached out, taking your hand in hers. It was a small gesture, but it held a world of forgiveness and understanding. “We’re a team, and we need to be there for each other, especially for our children. But you have to promise me that you’ll never put us through something like this again”

“I promise,” you said, your voice filled with sincerity. “I promise that I’ll do everything in my power to be a better wife, a better parent. I won’t ever let this happen again. I swear”

Wanda’s grip on your hand tightened, her eyes reflecting a mix of emotions back at you. Relief, love, and the beginnings of forgiveness. She leaned in, pressing a gentle kiss to your forehead, a gesture of reassurance that you were still loved, even through the darkest moments. It softened you around the edges. Like butter at room temperature.

“I want to meet them,” you said quietly. Not having to elaborate what you meant. “Please Wanda, I’ve already missed so much”

-

“They’re beautiful, Wands” you choke as you brush the tip of your finger over the eyebrow of one twin, Billy, who sleeps peacefully in your arms. “Perfect. The two of them”

You awoke almost three days ago. The tiredness slowly but surely removing itself from your body as you healed. Almost three days of fighting sleep and nagging Wanda to wheel the boys in so you could meet them, until the doctor finally deemed you well enough to have some time together. And Wanda had decided you'd earnt your right to be introduced to your children.

“He’s got your nose” you state. Not to her specifically, but just out loud. Voicing your observations into the quiet of the room.

“They’ve both got your pout. Maybe you’ll see it if they wake up wanting to be fed” your wife responds as she gently turns the other twin, Tommy, in her arms so you can see him better. “They’re milking me dry”

You laugh but wince slightly as your head throbs. Still sore but better than the previous days. Painkillers helping ease some of the discomfort.

“I’m not sure if you would. Breastfeed, I mean. You didn’t know whether you’d be up for it”

It was a conversation the two of you had a while back. In a rare moment of peace, her back to your front in the tub. Your hands gently placed on her bump as you kissed the damp skin on her shoulder and neck languidly. She never did give you a full answer.

“The lactation consultant suggested I give it a go. They both latched with little struggle so I thought why not? But I do a bottle feed if they get hungry close together”

You hummed in response. That made sense.

“Do you want to help do the next one? The nurses have been good. They’ve moved us into a family suite so we’ve got everything we need. Diapers, formula, the works”

“You don’t want to go home? Get them used to their cribs?” It wasn't a demand. Your questions came from pure curiosity. It wasn’t often you got people volunteering to stay in hospitals longer than they needed to. Especially with healthy newborns they wanted to get home and show off.

“I didn’t want to take them home without you. We’re a family. We do those things together”

“I love you” you found yourself saying. You were about to lean over, to kiss your wife to confirm what you said was true, when the baby in her arms started to fuss. His little face screwed up, making it go red. Fists clenched next to his head.

“I told you they have your pout” she stated, looking down at the boy with a smirk. “Swap?” She asks suddenly.

You maneuver yourself on the mattress so you can take one child from your wife and give her the other. A move you think you’ll both have mastered in weeks to come. Tommy starts to grunt the longer he has to wait for food. Another trait from yourself he seems to have inherited already. Poor thing.

Wanda hands you a bottle she seemed to make without you even realising. Pressing it into your palm as you settled the baby correctly in your arms.

“If you gently touch the nipple of the bottle against his lips. He should open his mouth reflexively”. You do as she says, hanging onto every word as she directs you. The rubber tip of the bottle against the boy's lips prompts him to open, as expected. “Now if you keep the bottle mostly horizontal, but tipped a little, the milk should come out when he sucks”

Then, just like that, his little hands reached for the bottle over yours, his face unfurled and his eyes opened, revealing two baby blues that you’d never forget.

“See, you’re a natural”

With impending crying now under control, it gave you the chance to admire what you have. Looking at your boys angelic faces, coming to realise how unique they are, yet also undeniably a reflection of you and Wanda. Tommys tiny fingers wrap about your own. Billy huffs dramatically as he finds comfort in Wanda’s arms. A wife that you wouldn’t change for the world.

It makes your heart swell.

There in the quiet room of the hospital, listening to their delicate breaths fill the space, a new chapter of your life begins. A new opportunity. A silent vow to give these precious souls a lifetime of cherished memories.

Then, as if some higher being was against you, a loud knock on the door broke you out of your moment, causing the pair of you and the two boys in your arms to jump. The catalyst of wailing and screaming breaking the surface of a once calm storm.

You and Wanda both turned your heads in annoyance, staring daggers at whoever it was that had just upset the twins.

“Shit, sorry guys” one man said, and you realised it was Steve as he shuffled into the room, followed by Bucky in tow. “The doctor said we were fine to come in”

Your heart softened a fraction at the sight of your friends, their familiar faces offering a small semblance of comfort amidst the irritation flooding through your body.

Wanda, her emotions still raw, hot one minute, cold the next, shot them both a pointed look before turning away, gathering the boys, and heading toward the door. Her shoulders tense with frustration. She didn’t say anything as she left, her silence a heavy reminder of the impact of your actions despite everything. Despite the progress you had made over the last few days. You felt for Bucky and Steve having to be on the wrong end of Wanda’s animosity towards you.

There was no doubt in your mind you still had a lot of making up to do.

Once the door closed behind her, Steve and Bucky exchanged a concerned glance before approaching the bed, their expressions showing worry and trepidation. “Hey, how are you holding up?” Steve asked gently, his blue eyes reflecting genuine concern.

You managed a weak smile, feeling a lump forming in your throat. “I’m- I’m struggling, Steve” you said honestly, wondering if you should lie to save face. “It’s hard to see how much I hurt her. How I almost destroyed our family. Even though my brain doesn’t want to tell me how”

Bucky placed a comforting hand on your shoulder. “We know you’re going through a lot right now, but we’re here for you. And we’re going to help you get through this”

Steve nodded in agreement. “And part of that might involve talking about what happened”

You groaned, turning away from them to look out of the window. Keeping your eyes trained on the birds flying outside to try and block out their voices.

“I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, Y/N. But it’s important, really important, that you try and give us some insights to what might have happened”

You know Steve, you know his train of thought. He was gearing up to interrogate you. As a friend sure, but the fact he was in his uniform didn’t go unnoticed. Not by you, and certainly not by Wanda. The knife twisting a little deeper.

“Do you remember anything from that night? Any people or places that come to mind?”

You sighed, your gaze dropping to your hands as you wracked your brain for answers. The memories were hazy, a disjointed blur of emotions and actions that were hard to piece together. “I… I don’t remember much. I was at a club-“

“Andromeda” Bucky interjected.

“Yeah, I think that was it” you carried on, clearing your throat. “And I was with someone, a friend but, I can’t…” you trailed off, frustration welling up within you as you struggled to grasp the elusive fragments of memory.

Steve leaned in slightly, his expression gentle. “It’s alright, take your time. If anything comes back to you, even small details, it might help us piece some things together”

Closing your eyes, you tried to focus on the scene in your mind. The thumping bass of the music, the flashing lights, the feeling of being lost in a crowd. A snapshot memory of a moment frozen in time. Fog on a highway. There, but untouchable.

“I remember the club scene,” you began, your voice distant as if you were reliving it. “The music was pounding, people dancing. And exit sign”

Bucky’s understanding gaze encouraged you to continue. “Go on”

“I remember wanting to leave. Then being stopped. Being grabbed” you continued, your words slowly coming together as you sifted through the recollections. “And then… I remember being dragged into a room. It was dark, and they offered me something. I didn’t want to, but they were insistent”

Your head hurt. The effort of trying to think back last the fog and the pain. You shook your head slightly to clear your mind, but it didn’t help. Anxiety rising in your chest as your body remembered something your brain couldn’t.

Steve’s jaw tightened, his concern deepening. “They forced you?”

You nodded weakly, your heart heavy as more memories started to resurface. “I think soz I remember it was aggressive. I felt trapped and scared. I didn’t know what was happening, but they… they made me”

Bucky’s grip on your shoulder tightened, his expression full of anger and empathy as he absorbed your words. Their meaning . “You didn’t deserve that, no one does.”

You took a deep breath, trying to steady your emotions as the memories continued to resurface with more clarity. “After that, everything’s a blur. I remember feeling numb, disoriented. The edges of reality were all fuzzy, and I couldn’t tell what was real anymore. I just…I know I wanted to keep Wanda safe”

As the room seemed to fade around you, you could feel their presence grounding you, anchoring you to the present moment.

“And then?” Bucky prompted softly.

“And then, then I must have blacked out,” you whispered, a shiver running down your spine as you recalled the darkness that had swallowed you whole. “I woke up days later in a hospital bed. I was so confused, disoriented. It felt like I had lost chunks of time”

Steve’s voice was gentle but persistent. “Thank you for sharing. I don’t want to push, but do you think you could remember who you were there with, at first? Who you went to the club with?”

You frowned, your brows furrowing as you tried to sift through the haze of memories. It was as if you were grasping at fragments in a foggy mirror, the pieces eluding your grasp. “I- I can’t quite remember. It’s like some parts are missing, and the rest are so jumbled.”

Bucky offered you a reassuring smile, his eyes filled with understanding. “It’s okay if you can’t recall everything right now. Memories can be tricky, especially in times of stress”

You nodded, a sense of frustration mingling with your gratitude for their patience. “I wish I had more answers”

Steve’s expression softened. “You’re doing your best, and that’s all anyone can ask for. The fact that you’re trying to piece this together shows that you want to help”

Bucky’s grip on your shoulder remained steady. “We’re here to support you, no matter what. And if more memories come back, or if you need someone to talk to, we’ll be by your side”

The weight of their reassurance was a comforting balm, soothing the ache of uncertainty that had been gnawing at you. The road to healing wasn’t easy, and the journey to unravel the events of that fateful night was like navigating a maze in the dark. You were taking steps toward understanding, toward forgiveness, both from those around you and from yourself, and you were determined to see it through, one memory at a time.

Steve knew this. Bucky too. They, along with everyone around you will do everything they can to get to the bottom of what happened that night.

But the way they looked at each other as you closed your eyes, tiredness washing over you again, spoke a thousand words.

They knew that what happened, what went on inside that club that night, wasn't by chance. And they needed to find out why.

Taglist

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[plutoccult]

THREE LITTLE WORDS

pairing: jean kirstein x female reader

description: a love confession from jean shakes up your restless night as the two of you are unable to fall asleep.

word count: 2.6k

read part two here

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: hi, this was originally written on my ao3 account (@plutotown, same as my main blog and also my wattpad that i notoriously don’t post stories on anymore) a few months ago, but i decided that i also wanted to share works on tumblr too as i would like to get back into writing again. i’ll probably post mostly anime stuff on here (especially attack on titan and haikyuu as of rn), but i’m open to more. hopefully this is something i stick to, but if not, then at least i decided to expand sharing my works! anyway, sorry to ramble, but i hope you enjoy <3

it was common for you to be in this position; using what’s left of the candlelight to accompany your restless state. you always had trouble sleeping, especially with so many things going on at once, and the bags underneath your eyes were proof of it.

this time around, you were writing a letter to your father as it had been awhile since the two of you exchanged words. luckily for you, sasha, your roommate, was bothering connie and jean in their room, so you didn’t have the sounds of her snoring or munching on food to irritate you.

such peace didn’t last forever though as three knocks had startled you in the midst of your writing. you couldn’t possibly think of who could be at the door at this hour besides sasha, but then again, what if it was captain levi or hange? anything could happen in the middle of the night, but you supposed that if a major event was happening, the headquarters would be roaring with chaos already.

before answering the door, you quickly set down your paper and pen, hearing another knock to the door as you were getting ready to answer it. “coming!”

you opened the door, your eyes meeting with the last person you expected to see tonight. “j-jean?”

jean stood in front of you with his arms crossed, looking a little disgruntled, which made sense considering it was the middle of the night. you grew flustered as he wore a white tank top which revealed jean’s muscles that you had never noticed before. sure, you had become quite toned yourself since starting training as a lanky teen, but he was on whole other level. it was embarrassing to look at your friend and comrade in such a way, so you really had to keep yourself together here.

“nice nightgown.” jean snickered. you looked down and glanced at your baby pink nightgown that went down to your calves with its puffy sleeves and a little bow in the middle of your chest. usually after dinner, the two of you don’t see each other when going to bed, so seeing one another in pajamas like this was something new. if only this couldn’t get any more embarrassing. you didn’t really need jean having something else to tease you about.

“what are you doing here?” you stammered, trying to force your eyes to look up at jean’s face and not his physique no matter how hard it was to not stare. how dare he make this so hard for you?

“can’t sleep.” he sighed. “sasha and connie have been keeping me awake, and then i realized you have an empty bed because she’s in me and connie room, so.”

“so...?” you furrowed your eyebrows.

“well, since you’re clearly awake, wanna stay up together?” at first, you thought of his proposal as suspicious, and yeah, it kind of was. he never comes to visit you at night like this. was there a hidden motive? who knew? you didn’t, and it’s not like you were innocent either, so you allowed him to come in and hope for the best.

“um, sure...” you replied hesitantly, no going back now. “you can even crash on sasha’s bed if you want.”

“sweet, thanks.” jean then stepped inside, his first instinct to check out the letter you were writing previously that sat out in the open for any curious eyes to see. “oh, what are you writing—“

“it’s a letter to my father!” you yelled out, quickly rushing towards him and grabbing the letter out of his hands before he could read it. “i was in the middle of writing it before you knocked.”

“oh, my bad.” he immediately apologized. “you can finish writing it, i don’t mind.”

“no, that’s fine.” you let out a sigh, putting away the paper and pen into an empty drawer. jean didn’t say anything else about it, and as you turned your head, you saw him begin to sit down on sasha’s bed with not enough time to warn him about the issue with her side of the room. “by the way—“

“jesus, are these crumbs?!” jean said in disgust. there it is.

“yeah. sasha likes to eat in bed. i was just about to warn you about that.” you forced a laugh, sitting across from him on your bed, which was notably free of any crumbs.

“disgusting.” he scoffed. the look on his face made you giggle, but you stopped once jean looked up with a bit of a scary look. “what’s so funny?”

“nothing, nothing.” you lied, then patted your hand down on the spot next to you for jean. “you can sit on my bed if you want though. i’m not falling asleep anytime soon.”

“oh.” jean stood up and wiped off any crumbs that happened to stick to his pants, moving on over to your side. he blushed as you two sat close, your hips so close that they could touch if they moved even the slightest bit closer. “uh, could you not sleep either?”

“yeah. plus, i still had yet to write my father back, so i took the opportunity to start writing it.” you shrugged. you really needed to write to your father more often, especially knowing how worried he had been since you decided to abandon your life’s plan by joining the survey corps instead of the military police. but hey, you had friends who had your back just as much as you had theirs.

jean wasn’t all that innocent either though. he missed out on writing his mother back more than you missed out on writing your father back. when it came to worried parents though, mrs. kirstein took the cake. he was surprised she hadn’t stormed the headquarters by now, but even she knew he was so busy fighting for humanity. “i need to write back to my mom too. i hope she’s not worried.”

“i’m sure she thinks about her jean-bo all the time.” you teased. jean-bo could never escape that nickname, especially with you around. although, he didn’t exactly mind when you called him that. dare he say it, but you were the only exception. jean couldn’t help but hate it with a burning passion when eren used it against him though.

“not the nickname...” jean couldn’t help but pout. his frown disappeared as you lightly nudged him, reminding him that jean-bo wasn’t the only thing he was known for.

“what? it’s cute. well, cuter than being called my stallion sidekick.” that wasn’t exactly the best nickname either, but it connected him to you, so he couldn’t complain about it as much. jean always thought there had to be something better than that though.

“we are quite a pair, huh?” he chuckled, looking over to you as you grinned and responded in agreement.

“the greatest, of course.” god, that smile. it was his weakness, but in this instance? that weakness hit him like a ton of bricks. with the combination of the growing tension, the moonlight slightly shining on your soft skin through the window, and the look of peace and innocence in your eyes (compared to your feisty look in the daytime), jean was smitten. your smile never failed him, and he hoped it wouldn’t fail him now.

“um, listen, y/n, i gotta tell you something.” jean couldn’t take it anymore. he couldn’t stand the way his heartbeat slowed, even skipped a beat when you smiled the way you always did. he hated it yet loved it at the same time, so this was now or never. he couldn’t let that smile ever leave him, not now, not ever.

“oh, okay. go ahead.” but you never had any clue about your effect on jean. sure, you were always on each others toes, attached to the hip as you both relentlessly teased one another. you always knew you and jean shared a deep connection, one that grew over the years, but you always assumed it was simply a friendship and nothing more. you couldn’t let a silly thing like feelings ruin what you had with him, but jean was willing to take a chance for once.

there was no better way to go about this than muttering your name and spilling out those three little words that would change everything. jean was always one to get flustered so easily, but the tiredness in him didn’t let him think too much, so it made all of this far more easier. without really thinking, jean lifted his hand and used it to tuck a piece of your hair behind your ear, hair that had seemingly grown out a little longer due to neglect thanks to the chaos around you. he watched as you grew confused, and that’s when jean said the words he had been wanting to say for months out loud.

“y/n, i love you.”

as jean retracted his hand away, your eyes shot wide open in shock. you had no idea what to say or do, you couldn’t even believe this was even happening. you felt like you could pass out at any second as the realization of jean’s confession hit you. he loved you. not just like, but love. it didn’t matter that you were merely teens in a cruel world where death was always around every corner. what started as a childish crush as cadets blossomed into an aching, burning, earth shattering love for the woman in front of him who was stronger than he thought he’d ever be.

the scenario of jean having feelings for you never crossed your mind. every time you pictured him knowing how you felt, it always ended the same with him brutally rejecting you and running after mikasa instead. god, were you dreaming? you almost wanted to yell out for somebody, anybody to pinch you all over until you started bleeding, but you were practically frozen.

“jean...” it was the only thing you could manage to utter out. even if you could speak in sentences, your mind simply wouldn’t be able to mush any words together, but you had to say something, anything. you knew how your heart beat for him but as the silence stretched out longer than it should have, jean sat in front of you, desperate for a reply. “y/n?”

“i, uh...” why couldn’t you say anything more? what was so hard about giving a proper response? to jean, it felt like a huge punch in the face, like he was being rejected, and he figured if you couldn’t manage to say anything, then he shouldn’t have said anything about his feelings in the first place.

“i knew i should have kept my mouth shut.” jean let out a sigh. you tried opening your mouth in hopes something more than “uh” would come out, but jean had given up hope on a reply, handling what seemed like rejection with grace. “just forget all of this. i’m sorry i forced my feelings upon you. i’ll just let you get back to writing your letter.”

as he stood up and began to walk out, you finally managed to say something else once you saw his hand hover over the doorknob, and it came out more as a yell rather than a normal volume. “no!”

jean turned around confused, moving his hand away from the doorknob but still standing in the same place just in case. you had his attention, but what now? “i mean...”

“goodnight, y/n.” he knew this was going nowhere, even if you seemed desperate to prevent his exit. jean grabbed the doorknob and opened the door, and as he began to step out, you stopped him once again, but with greater effort than before.

“no, don’t leave me!” you yelled out, standing up from your bed and rushing towards him. it all sounded so pathetic, you thought, but you couldn’t let him leave you, not yet. jean halted his exit once again, no matter how much it hurt him to stay a moment longer. he simply couldn’t say no to you, even at a time like this. “i mean... wait, please.”

and he did wait. that stupid, teenage hope in his heart made him wait. jean didn’t know what he was waiting for, but he was glad he did. you walked closer to him, his heart beating a mile a minute, and then you stood on the faintest hint of your tippy toes and wrapped your arms around his neck, pulling him unbearably close to you for a hug. he was so confused, not knowing what this could possibly mean in this instance, but returned your embrace and carefully wrapped his hands around your waist, not wanting them to rest too high or too low on your frame.

you didn’t utter a word and neither did he. this was different than the times you hugged each other for comfort in the aftermath of the many deaths you’ve seen. this wasn’t for consolation or just because you felt like it, this was longing. a desperate pining for one another that would crash and burn like the worst natural disaster there ever was, and there was no escaping it.

you trailed your fingers across his neck as jean gripped onto the fabric of your nightgown. you slowly parted from his embrace, cheeks grazing, noses brushing, and before you could do anything else, jean’s lips pressing against yours. there was no time for you to process it, no time to even close your eyes and take it all in, it just all went by so fast. your first kiss. you knew you should have seen it coming knowing he loved you, but seeing him express this more physically came to more of a shock than when he did verbally.

as jean parted away slowly, he thought to himself that this was probably a mistake. he had overstepped far more than he thought he should have, but when you took a step back away from him, he saw the redness of your cheeks and the look in your eyes. after getting a full glimpse of you, he thought that maybe it wasn’t that much of a mistake after all. jean then let go of you completely, using one hand to scratch the back of his neck and the other to tug the neckline of his tank as he grew flustered. he was wide awake now, so his mind was functioning at one hundred percent unlike before. jean was back to his usual self, the night no longer granting him confidence.

“i-i’m sorry. i shouldn’t have done that. forgive me. goodnight.” before you could do anything more, jean finally left, his feet moving faster than when he dragged them across the floor on his way here. he couldn’t believe he just did that, and he didn’t even give you a chance to say a word about your feelings. what would you have said after that kiss if he stayed, jean wondered. would you have said you loved him too, or would you have formally rejected him and told him you didn’t feel the same? jean would just have to wonder about it all night until you spoke to each other again, and it would probably eat him alive like a titan.

you gently grazed your hand over your bottom lip, thinking about everything that happened before jean left. not only could you not believe he loved you, you couldn’t believe he kissed you too. you wished it all went down differently, that the kiss could have occurred on better terms, but at least you had the words he left you and the thought of his lips against yours to think about. still, if only you could have said you felt the same just as he said he felt for you. if only you knew how to say those three little words.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[kesujo]

The Parallel Pursuit of Happiness and Acceptance

“…which, of course, meant that I…”

How was Jimin doing? She hopefully wasn’t making too much trouble for the babysitter.

“…but when I said that, he acted all self-important…”

Should I get this boxed? Jimin loves chicken parmesan pasta, she’d probably be delighted to have this for lunch tomorrow. In fact, there’s probably enough for both of us, meaning one less thing to worry about.

“…but he didn’t know that I was—um, are you ok?”

“Hm?” I snapped out of my thoughts, smiling at the woman sitting opposite me. “Yeah, of course!”

“Sorry, was I boring you with my story?”

“No!” Internally, I smacked myself. Why was I zoning out again?“I was just—um, thinking about something.”

I offered an apologetic smile, but I could tell the date was already falling apart. “I see.” I internally cursed at myself. Why did I have to make it so hard on my dates? It wasn’t fair to them. “Are you already done with your pasta?”

“I think so.”

“Really? But look how skinny you are! You should eat more; I heard the desserts here are to die for.”

“Oh, really?”

I really was trying. It wasn’t my intention to reply with a tone so devoid of emotion that she made a face. “But I guess if you can’t finish that, you don’t have room for dessert, do you?”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean—” I couldn’t just tell her that I was simply full. How could I salvage this? “—I had a bad experience with an Italian restaurant serving dessert to me, and from then on, I don’t really trust them anymore. But, I swear, I usually have a second stomach for desserts.”

The fake smile, the fake laugh, the fake anecdote, even the fake tidbit about myself … all of it was exhausting. But I had no other choice; the normal me was boring beyond belief and awkward beyond comprehension.  Who would want to associate with someone like the maskless, naked, vulnerable me?

It was only after we had begun to go our separate ways that I realized my date was beginning to outstretch her arms for a hug—but wasn’t it too late already? How awkward would it be if I sheepishly turned around, went back, and hugged her? But wouldn’t it be worse if I just ignored her?

No, I couldn’t end it like this. Not again. She seemed so nice, too. I needed to swallow my pride and anxiety and any semblance of awkwardness. She deserved better.

“Um.” Watching the woman’s auburn hair whirl around along with the rest of her body caused a sense of dread that diverted my eyes. “I—” what kind of an apology was this, with me staring at the ground like some antisocial loser? “—I’m sorry. For tonight. I, um, really did have a great time, though.”

Just as quickly as I called out to her, so too did I turn back around and half-walk, half-run off, all the way back to the car I had parked in a nearby parking garage.

Stupid, dumb Taeyeon. Apologies, sincere apologies, were said while looking into another’s eyes. They were also spoken with an open heart, not with that lie that I, for some reason, found necessary to inject in at the end. Why was I so insincere with everyone? What was wrong with me?

The entire car ride home, I could think of nothing but that. Another failed date, huh? What was this, five? What would I even tell Kibum?

Unlocking the door to my apartment and taking my shoes off at the entrance, it wasn’t until I put on my slippers that the babysitter showed up at the door. “Hi Joohyun, how was Jimin?”

“Oh, she was great! We did some vocab and watched some TV; she even ate all her carrots for dinner today. She went to bed an hour ago, and I checked just a few minutes ago to make sure she was asleep.”

“Fantastic!” I could feel myself cringing at the enthusiasm I injected my voice with, but showed no signs of it on my face. “Thank you so much for looking after her again today.”

“No problem! How was the date, if I may ask, Mrs. Kim?”

“It was superb. I wouldn’t be surprised—” No. How many times have I said almost the exact same things to her? Yet here she was, coming over to babysit my Jimin time after time.

“Oh, really?” I could tell—it wasn’t that Joohyun was naïve, it was that she was a kind young lady who simply played along, not questioning the reasons behind why I lied to her so often. “Well, I’m glad to hear that, Mrs. Kim!”

“Thank you, Joohyun. I’ll wire you the babysitting fee tomorrow, ok?”

She nodded gratefully. “Thank you! Well, I’ll be off for tonight—”

“It’s so late, do you want me to drive you home?”

“Oh, no, I couldn’t possibly bother you with such a request, Mrs. Kim.”

“It’s not a problem. It’s dangerous for pretty young girls like you to be walking around so late at night.” I wasn’t sure if she resisted due to a learned politeness or because she didn’t want to be with me for another second. “Take it as part of my apology for taking so long to come home.”

“Oh. Well, if you’re ok with it, then I’ll take you up on your offer, Mrs. Kim.”

Other than the occasional questions about her studies, the car ride was silent. When I returned back to the apartment, I pulled out a beer from the refrigerator and plopped down on the sofa in the lightless living room, absent-mindedly staring at the blank TV screen.

What would she say? How would she scorn me for my rude behavior towards my date today? What of the promise I made to her?

Not halfway into the can, I stood back up, stealthily peeking into Jimin’s room. Sure enough, her sleeping frame, hidden mostly by a sky-blue blanket, laid atop the twin-sized mattress. A smile sprouted on my face, slowly closing the door behind me and walking to the bedside.

“I’m sorry angel, you’re going to have to wait before you can meet your other mommy,” I whispered, leaning forward, brushing the bangs away from her forehead and planting a kiss there.

The action stirred her awake, a light groan coming out of her pursed lips. “Mommy?”

“I’m sorry angel, did I wake you up?”

Her eyes opened, face turning towards me, a disgruntled smile spreading across her lips. “How was your date, mommy?”

Laughter erupted from my lips. “Is Jiminie worried about mommy?” She unabashedly nodded, my laughter growing at the direct nature of my daughter. “The date went well, princess.”

Almost immediately, her lips curled into a frown. “Mommy is lying.”

In the second that it took to gather my thoughts, the concerned expression on her little face was ultimately what caused me to sigh and say, “You’re right. I’m sorry, honey; the date didn’t go well. Mommy messed up again.”

“It’s ok mommy, she just doesn’t understand you. She’s not your soulmate.”

“Hm? Where did you learn that word?”

“From ‘Joey and Kim Versus the World’!”

That must’ve been the TV show Joohyun was talking about—the one that caught Jimin’s attention because ‘it has mommy’s name in it!’ “I’m sorry, Jiminie. Mommy is terrible at dates.”

“It’s ok, mommy.”

Feeling her tiny hand patting my head, I felt my heart melting on the spot. A smile formed on my lips, my head turning up to look at her. “Go back to sleep, ok? It’s late.”

After tucking her back in and watching her fall back asleep, I quietly exited the room, returning to my spot in the living room, grabbing the half-finished can of beer, dumping the rest of the contents into my throat, and leaning against the cushiony back of the sofa.

~

“Um—” She was actually here … now what? I didn’t even know what kinds of movies she liked. Why did I even invite her here? “—did you have a movie you wanted to watch?”

Tiffany plopped down on the sofa next to me, but the proximity at which she did so caused me to jump. Was that intentional, sitting so close to me that her leg was pressing against mine?

I stared at it with a red face, not realizing Tiffany was scrolling through the options on Netflix until she asked, “What type of movie do you like?”

“Um, rom-com, that kind of stuff. I know this sounds cheesy, but basically, chick flicks.”

“Hm…” she mused, going back to the home page and scrolling to that section. However, she stopped short of reaching that section. “You didn’t really strike me as a chick flick type of girl.”

“Oh.” What did she mean by that? “Um…”

“If I were to guess, you like action and thrillers more.”

“Ah—” How did she know?

“You know how I know?” I turned to see Tiffany’s grinning face. “I saw your face light up when this movie popped up,” she said, hovering over a spy-thriller movie whose trailer caught my attention.

“Um…” Was I supposed to admit that she was right? But wouldn’t she hate me for lying? “I don’t—”

“Actually, I think I saw the trailer for this movie. I sorta wanna watch it, how about you?”

There was something about the smile she directed at me that caused me to nod. Her inviting gaze, her warm facial expression, her unquestioning smile, it felt all but inevitable that my mask slid off.

She clicked play and leaned back. I followed her lead, jumping again when I felt her arm intertwining with mine.

“You know,” she said with a giggle, “for someone who asked if I wanted to come watch a movie at her house, you’re awfully jumpy.”

“What? What do you mean?”

“I mean, the only thing missing from when you asked me to hang out was saying ‘Netflix and Chill’.”

Realizing what she meant, I felt my face explode in a fiery burst of red. “Oh, I didn’t—I mean, I wasn’t—It didn’t, I mean, I wasn’t, I didn’t—”

“I know,” she said, stopping my idiotic stammering dead in its tracks, “that’s the reason why I agreed to come. Although…” Seeing my brain short-circuit caused Tiffany to explode with a fit of giggles. “I’m just kidding, Taeyeon. You’re so precious, what’ll I ever do with you?”

~

The next morning, as I was preparing breakfast, my phone rang. Seeing the caller id, I felt all color drain from my face.

“Mommy, your phone!” Jimin shouted, running out of the bathroom and into the kitchen, only to find me staring at it. “Oh. What’s wrong, mommy?”

I shook my head. “It’s nothing, angel,” I said, declining the call and turning my eyes back to the refrigerator.

“Was that grandma and grandpa?”

She was seriously too smart for her own good. She must’ve gotten it from her biological father. “No, honey—” I was interrupted again by my phone’s ringtone. I swiftly declined the call again and pulled out a carton of milk.

“Mommy…”

I sighed. Why was I lying to my own daughter? “I’m sorry honey, I just don’t feel—” again, I was interrupted by my phone’s ringtone.

This time, I took a bit longer to stare at the caller id: ‘Hyesook Kim’. “Well, I don’t want to talk to grandma and grandpa either,” Jimin huffed, defiantly turning her head away from the phone.

“Don’t say that, honey. Grandma and grandpa probably really miss you.”

“But they’re so mean to mommy and Tiffy mommy, so I hate them.”

In a childish way, hearing that was vindicating, but I didn’t want my issues with my parents to affect the relationship between my child and her grandparents. “Don’t say that, honey. Here, I’ll pick up the call, ok?”

“No!” she screamed, turning around and running back into the bathroom before I could do anything.

I sighed, accepting the call and walking after her.

“Jimin-ah~”

I almost gagged at the overly-sweet tone my mother used. As if it wasn’t bad enough that she called her own daughter with the expectation that her granddaughter would pick up, as if they didn’t have to send me monthly checks to get me to not block their number just to talk to Jimin, hearing such a fake voice nearly made me want to hang up right then and there. Although, it wasn’t like I really had the right to comment on that.

“She’s in the bathroom, I’ll get her.”

In an instant, the sweet tone disappeared, replaced with the vitriolic, bitter voice I was so used to. “Aish, you dumb child, you can’t even control your own daughter?”

“No, I don’t control my daughter. She’s her own person.”

“Oh Lord and Savior, where did I go wrong in raising this child? You’re too free-spirited. That’s why your—”

“Shut up!” The scream that tore through my throat silenced the ‘la-la-la’ing that Jimin was doing from the other side of the closed bathroom door. “You have no right to speak about her like that! You’re the reason why I turned out the way I did! Have you ever thought to consider that?”

“I don’t remember teaching you that it was ok to take in a random man’s sperm. When did I ever teach my daughter to be such a slut?”

“If you ever listened to me for once in your life, it was a sperm bank!”

“Why would I listen to someone who wasn’t even capable of making a man fall in love with her?”

I didn’t know why I bothered. Every time I spoke with her, my blood boiled, and I swear I could feel my blood pressure shooting up. “You’re so—”

“Ah, whatever, you put me in a bad mood.”

The dial tone that followed made me want to throw the smartphone across the room. How could a mother treat her own daughter like that?

“Mommy?”

Hearing the warbled voice of my own daughter blew away all semblance of anger. I wiped away the tears coalescing in my eyes, turning towards the bathroom. “I’m sorry honey, are you ok?”

“…is it all my fault?”

Hearing the uneven speech and the wailing erupting from her lips, I felt a new onset of tears building up in my eyes. “No! Of course not!”

“Liar! M-Mommy’s lying! It—It was all because Jimin was a bad girl, right?”

“No, Jimin—”

“It was all b-because Jimin didn’t want to talk to g-grandma and grandpa, right?”

“Jimin, it wasn’t—”

The wailing from the other side of the locked door grew louder. I shook my head, my forehead pressed against the door. “I’m sorry, mommy…” How could I do this to my own baby? How could I make her cry like this?

I felt I could barely gather myself together, the churning, twisting, tight sensation in my chest causing my heart rate to skyrocket. “Jimin, open the door, please.”

“No!” she screamed, voice still shaking with the sob echoing about the apartment.

“Mommy’s not mad, Jimin-ah. Please open the door.”

~

“Taeyeon?”

Tiffany’s sweet voice was almost instantly drowned out by the ugly wailing coming from me.

“Please open the door, Taeyeon.”

Why? Why did this have to happen to me?

Was this God’s punishment to me for being a lesbian? Or was it His punishment for lying to my parents for so long?

“Taeyeon, let’s talk.”

“What—What is there to talk about?” I hated it. I hated myself. Why was I yelling at her? She didn’t deserve it. She was the last person who deserved it, especially after learning what she just did.

“Then we don’t have to talk. I just want to be there for you.”

Why did I even lock myself in my bathroom? Why was I hiding from her? If anything, I should be the one trying to comfort her.

“B-But, I-I, I can’t, I can’t—” just trying to get the words out caused another burst of tears, that ugly wailing sound echoing all around the room, inside my ears—stop it. Stop it! Go away!

“Taeyeon…” Hearing her weakly calling for my name, everything stopped all at once. “Taeyeon, please…”

I rushed to the door and flung it open, Tiffany tumbling onto the bathroom floor. “Fany?” I dropped to the ground, gingerly picking up her head. When I saw the tears running down the sides of her face, I felt my tears come back in full force.

“Taeyeon, w-what am I going to do?” I shook my head, cradling her head in my lap and arms, my forehead pressing against hers. “There’s so much I want to do with you…” her voice, which was usually so energetic and full of life, was reduced to a quivering, shaking mess, “… I want to celebrate all your birthdays with you … I want to proudly see our Jimin become a beautiful young lady … I want to see your first gray hairs and wrinkles on your face and tell you how beautiful you are even still…”

~

With how emotionally charged the morning was, I had decided to call in sick, which soon proved to be a questionable decision as I was left with nothing to do. So, with the memory of last night’s date in mind, I called Kibum.

“Hey Taeyeon! How was the date?” It barely took him a second to see my face that he was able to glean the answer. “I see. That bad, huh?”

“Yeah. And, I had to talk to my mom again.”

Seeing Kibum physically cringe was, again, in some childish sense of the word, vindicating. “That old hag, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m sorry. That must’ve been horrible.”

“It was.”

“Are you at home? Do you not work today?”

I shook my head. “I took today off.”

He nodded. “Well, do you wanna come over then? I’m making lunch right now, but I can make an extra portion for you.” I thought about the pasta I had portioned for myself for lunch earlier in the day, but figured I could just let Jimin have it for dinner.

“Yeah.”

“Great. See you in a bit.”

~

“Taeyeon?”

It was something I could never get used to, hearing her voice so weak. Not when its volume was something I used to jokingly complain about to her. “Hm?”

“Promise me something.”

I almost recoiled at the feeling of her frail, bone-thin arm brushing against mine. I used to love leaning against it, feeling her soft skin against my cheek. I even slept against it once while on an overnight train. But now, I was afraid to even touch it, fearing doing so might cause her arm to shatter.

“Anything.”

The upward curve of her dreary eyes, the inverse curve of her pale lips, a smile that had changed so much yet never lost its beauty. But, seeing it made my heart ache all the same. I could tell from the slight twitches in the corner of her eyes that she was fighting through immense pain, all because she refused to saddle me with the additional costs that it took to treat it.

“Promise me you’ll love again after me.”

No.

“What are you saying?”

“You said ‘anything’.”

“Fany…”

“Promise me—” she was interrupted by a coughing fit. I shot straight out of bed, rushing for the ‘call nurse’ button.

“Tiffany, hold on—”

She grabbed at my sleeves, weakly attempting to look at me. However, all I could see was the hacking cough wracking her entire body. “Tae—”

“Aish, don’t speak! Where’s the nurse?”

She tugged at my sleeves again, but I ignored it, staring at the door. “Taeyeon…”

Her voice was faint and pained, but was thankfully finally devoid of the cough.

“Tiffany, don’t—”

“Taeyeon, promise me.”

In the second I took to answer, a nurse burst through the door. “Mrs. Tiffany, did you need something?”

“Can you give her some morphine? She was just coughing really badly.”

“No!” Tiffany’s weak, yet firm, protest caused the nurse to freeze. “I don’t need it. I’m fine.”

“Fany, it’s ok. I can—”

“I don’t need it. You may leave.”

“Are you sure, Mrs. Tiffany?” When she nodded, the nurse stepped away, towards the door. “Alright. If you—”

“No, she’s just saying that because she’s afraid of the cost. She really needs it, please…”

“Is that true, Mrs. Tiffany?”

But she stubbornly shook her head. “My wife is a worrywart. I’m fine, Ms. Kwon. I’ll—”

“No, she’s lying! I-I mean, clearly, she’s not of sound mind and body! I’m her wife, can’t I give you permission to administer the morphine?”

I stopped upon feeling her frail hand reaching out to mine. “Taeyeon, I’m fine. Ms. Kwon, I’ll be sure to call for you if I need anything.” The weak smile she sent the nurse off with made me grit my teeth. Weren’t nurses supposed to help their patients? How could they refuse treatment their patient so obviously and desperately needed?

“Tiffany—”

“Taeyeon, promise me.”

“No!” Seeing her saddened expression only pained me more, but, as she proved time and time again, she was the one person I could not lie to. “How can you even say that?”

“Please.”

“No! I—” my hand shot to my mouth, quickly turning away to hide the tears that were now flowing down my face, “—my heart, my soul, every part of my being belongs to you. How can I give someone something that isn’t even mine?”

“You deserve to be happy, Taeyeon.”

“But—” I gulped, swallowing the lump that was forming in my throat, “—But you are my happiness. Without you, I have nothing.”

“You have Jimin.”

Jimin. With Tiffany now living in the hospital, I had no choice but to send her to live with my parents. All I could do was hope that they wouldn’t turn her against me; I was prepared to go to court to get her back, as I have so many times in their numerous attempts to steal her from me, the most recent one being after learning of Tiffany’s fate.

“If you can’t do it for yourself, if you can’t do it for me, then can you do it for Jimin?”

I didn’t even want to think about it. What would that be like? Getting back into the dating scene, talking to other women, hoping they saw through my mask of deceit like Tiffany did … but how could I ever love again when I loved Tiffany this much? Just the thought was terrifying enough, but … could I do it? Could I wake up next to someone else? Could I smile and celebrate another woman’s birthday like I did Tiffany’s? Could I share my Jimin with another lover?

No.

I shook my head again. Just the thought of life without Tiffany, of never being able to see her again, of never being able to say how much we loved each other again, of never being able to hug her again, it was all enough to make me want to throw up.

I didn’t want to let her go. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want to imagine what my life would be like without Tiffany in it. I wanted to be by her side, and her by mine, until we became old ladies. I wanted to celebrate our 80th, 90th birthdays together, to continue to laugh and love each other until we couldn’t physically open our mouths any longer, and still try to communicate it with our hands or our eyes. Every time I thought about growing old, it was always with Tiffany by my side.

So how could I ever do all of that with anyone else?

“Fany, I just can’t. I spent everything I had in loving you, and—”

“Taeyeon, what does it mean to love someone?” I shook my head, still refusing to look at her. When I didn’t answer, she continued, “It means to wish for the greatest amount of happiness for that person, right?”

“B-But…”

“You’ve given me so much happiness, Taeyeon. More than any one person could ever receive in their lifetimes.” I continued to shake my head, unable to stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks, dripping off my chin and hands and onto my week-old pants. “All the love you’ve given me, I can feel it. And it’ll never go away, Taeyeon, and I’m thankful for that.”

All I could do was shake my head. “Stop…” It was too cruel. How could God do this to me? How could He do this to Tiffany, the purest, most sweet and loving and caring angel on Earth there was?

“So, what kind of a bad wife would I be to not wish the most amount of happiness to the one I love? Even if I won’t be the one giving you the happiness, I still want you to have it. I want you to be the happiest woman in the world. Knowing that, when I’m gone, you’ll take my place as the happiest woman in the world is what would make me happy.”

The hum of the hospital’s air conditioner. The occasional beeps of the machines attached to Tiffany. The slight sniffles from the tight feeling in my lungs and the uncomfortable lump in my throat.

“You want me to be as happy as possible, right?”

I nodded.

“Then, promise me, Taeyeon.”

“I—”

“Promise me that you’ll never forget me, and that you’ll always love me, and, because you love me, you’ll fall in love with someone else so that my love can be rewarded with your own happiness.”

A selfish, childish part of me wanted to scream out, to tell her that I would never love again, that she would take my heart and my soul if she ever left my side. But, I knew that wasn’t what she needed. Of all the times to argue with her, right now was not the time. Right now, I needed to do everything I could to quell her concerns so that she could pass on with as few regrets as possible.

“I-I promise.”

“Say it.”

“I promise, th-that I’ll never forget you and that I’ll always love you, and because I love you, I’ll come to love again to make sure the happiness your love has given me will be worth it.”

That was the first time I successfully lied to Tiffany.

~

"I think you should give Jessica another chance.”

“Hm?”

I looked up from my bowl at Kibum, who held a steady gaze at me. “I said, I think you should give Jessica another chance.”

I scoffed into the bowl. “It’s not me who needs to give her another chance, it’s the other way around.”

“Hm, that’s not what I got from her text.” I looked up at him again, prompting him to continue. “She told me about how she regretted the way she acted and begged me to set you two up again. Although, she did say to not tell you, so—”

It was only halfway through his third sentence that his words started to sink in. “Wait, what?”

Kibum shrugged. “She didn’t really seem to want to give me the details, but she sounded really apologetic. So, I’ll go back to what I initially said: I think you should give her another chance.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “No, you have it mistaken. I was really rude to her during the date, and didn’t even hug her before turning around and walking away from her.”

“Funny you say that, because the one detail she did give me was how your apology as you began walking away from each other made her realize that she might’ve misunderstood you.”

“I don’t—…why are you so insistent on this, anyway? Is this you, like, pitying me or something?”

“Hey,” he said, holding his hands up defensively, “you know I don’t interfere with your dates. I just set them up and leave things be.” I had to admit that was true; the other four women he introduced me to were a testament to that fact. “But I have a good feeling about Jessica. I think, maybe, she was able to see the considerate, loving person you are underneath.”

I thought back to the promise I made to Tiffany. I remember how badly I wanted to be sincere in making that promise, but in the back of my mind, it just felt impossible. Of all the people in my life, no one has been able to see through my mask unless I took it off myself—not even my parents. Making that promise and noting to myself that it was the first time I’ve ever lied to her was a result of that thinking. It wasn’t like I was as against the idea as I was when she first brought it up, but that it just simply fell outside the realm of possibility.

But, if what Kibum was saying was right, and Jessica really did want a second date despite how the first one went, then maybe the reason why Tiffany was satisfied with the promise was because she knew me better than myself. Maybe, the lie that hung over my head as the one regret I thought would never go away wasn’t actually a lie.

Inspired by ‘Promise’ by kimkimsara and also my own mother, who was brave enough to find love again.

[cloveroctobers]

SILENCE — ANGEL REYES x OC x CANE TEJADA | Part ii.

A/N: I can’t believe I’m actually doing a part two since I never do those because they don’t ever preform as well as the first but after that (terrible) finale I couldn’t resist. Thanks for the support on the first one, hopefully this will bring some sense of more life for Angel. if this is my last piece for him then why not also go out with a little something? He’s the last man standing apparently so here’s a send off on my part.

WARNINGS: language, hints of coping mechanisms? Or Mental illness Therapy is mentioned, I’ve also been binge-watching 9-1-1 from the beginning, I’m currently on season 4 I think! which is why Eddie’s character is mentioned but he doesn’t make a appearance so please skip over this if you’re feeling some type of way about that and are looking for a eddie based fic. I will be writing something for him soon btw. There’s also a little surprise towards the end for certain lovers who might read this.

*GIF and photos DO NOT BELONG TO ME!

Read part one here. + using this prompt and number 21. Timing

*ੈ ╭──╯ . . . *ੈ ╭──╯ . . . *ੈ ╭──╯ . . . *

Solay’s half asleep, the soft horns sounding from the NBA game Cane’s got his hands on was actually comforting and it often reminded her of nights when her and her sister would fall asleep on the couch together while their father watched the game. It was late, once watching the clock going from midnight to 2 am, she was once wired, greasing cane’s hair and brushing his waves before securing the doo-rag around his head.

It was a typical night, their version of normal until harsh knocks sounded at the door, breaking Solay out of her slumber. Her eyes felt heavy but she was alert and so was Cane as he paused the game, picking up on the knocks that appeared at the door some more. He tossed the controller onto the coffee table, moving slowly as he reaches underneath the cushion of the couch Solay was lounging on.

His low-lidded eyes briefly met her’s as he brings a single finger up to his lips after taking the safety off. Cane’s on his feet now while Solay shortly follows after, reaching over to turn off the side lamp and ready to head to the back of the home to check on her son, Xavier.

Cane wasn’t sure who it could be, he knew it couldn’t be any of his people considering the situation back home but he figured it could be Tariq’s bitch ass, you just never know with him. He’s against the door now, peeking around but all he could see was a shadow of someone.

Yanking the door back to fly against the wall, he’s quick with his grip as he aims the gun right at Angel Reyes who hold’s out a arm while he cradles his son.

“Fuck you want?” Cane asks.

Angel looks down but it’s not like Cane cares, although it seems he lowers the gun just a bit, for the baby’s sake.

“I need to talk to soso.”

“Nig—, you know what time it is? Knocking on the damn door like you the feds or some shit? What makes you think it’s okay to show up here unannounced at this time of the night?” Cane’s tone is clipped.

Angel shifts Maverick in his arms as he says, “that’s a conversation I need to have with Solay, not you.”

“Last time I checked, she ain’t with your ass no more and I’m the man of this house so you want to run that by me again?”

A house Angel was damn sure Cane didn’t put a penny down to help with the mortgage.

The darkness underneath Angel’s eyes was deafening but the twitch of his brows was evident that he had no intentions of backing down. He still felt a way about Cane showing up to his house and Angel thought he could do the same. If this was his house but Angel couldn’t see himself in the big apple.

It was only right in his eyes.

Before he can send a rebuttal at the shorter brown skinned man, Solay appears from behind Cane, who lets out a sigh before sucking his teeth.

“Enrique Iglesias is here,” Cane informs Solay who pulls her robe tighter around her body.

She hasn’t seen Angel since the funeral for Felipe. Understandably so, he needed time to grieve but she figured he was doing it alone due to the decline of Ezekiel’s relationship with the man and that couldn’t be healthy. And it wasn’t like Solay saw Angel much before that either, he showed up to the second therapy session but it was clear that his mind was somewhere else. Which wasn’t unusual when it came to his precious club but Solay didn’t pry since it seemed like Angel was always on the go or lost in his thoughts. It’s not like she didn’t care but he was the one who encouraged her there to these sessions but her gut also told her that it would always be only a matter of time.

Until he moved on to something else.

Timing was never something Angel managed well. If shit came at him, he was usually thrown for a loop depending on what it was and never had guidelines for plans or anything like that. He was more take things as they were tossed at him type of person but ever since EZ got into that president’s chair and Angel got the chance to raise Maverick, he was also changing.

“Angel…” solay started as she took in his appearance, she could tell that something was wrong, “what’s going on?”

Angel swallowed the lump in his throat and if Cane wasn’t in the room right now, he probably would have collapsed into Solay’s arms. She could see that, she could sense that. It was in his eyes, that he was hurting and sure way back when that might have gave Solay the tiniest bit of satisfaction but that’s not where they were now.

She was annoyed he stopped showing up to the sessions but brushed it off after awhile, saying that she “knew it,” up until Felipe was gunned down in Angel’s childhood home. There was always something going on with Angel and although they were trying to work on their relationship, Solay knew she couldn’t be selfish.

She didn’t have the heart to be.

Solay waved Angel in, despite the incredulous look Cane shot her way. She’s locking the door behind him and rests her hand on Angel’s lower back, which surprisingly makes him flinch as she does.

A brow raises at that but Solay says, “come into the living room.”

“Yeah okay…where’s Xavy?”

“Sleeping like yo ass should be.” Cane mutters, while Solay sends him a sharp look.

He places the lock back on the gun and puts it into the waist band of his basketball shorts, clasping his hands in front of him as he eyes Solay being so gentle with a dude that didn’t deserve it. Cane was heavy on that, “fuck the fact that he’s your baby’s father, after everything he put you through? Why are you still concerned when you knew he was gonna pull that shit? He doesn’t care about you like I do and I’m not even sure he gives that much of a fuck about Xavier.”

This was said after Angel stopped showing up to the sessions and Solay didn’t want to hear it. It didn’t feel like cane’s place—although she vented to him and he did the shit-talking to mainly make her feel better—and it also wasn’t angel’s place to feel a way about her seeing someone else.

Solay inhales as she sits on the coffee table, crossing one leg over the other as she takes in her ex-husband. He’s barely blinking as he stares off in space and Solay isn’t sure what to do about this.

“Talk to me,” she says bringing Angel’s dark eyes to meet her doe ones, “what happened?”

Angel places his lips against a sleeping Maverick’s temple that he cradles and then blows out a breath, “where do I start? Luisa’s gone, just buried my pops, now EZ’s dead—which I—I played a part in, I’m out the club and now I need you and Xavier to come with me to Arizona.”

Cane is laughing it up now while Solay is almost at a lost for words. She wasn’t surprised about Luisa but it would probably explain why Angel was checked out and why he moved in with Felipe. They haven’t really talked like they used to be able to do so hearing all of this—about what was going on in Angel’s world was a lot to process.

It always was.

“What do you mean…EZ’s dead?” Solay croaked out, shifting as she held out a hand to silence the man behind them.

Angel rubs at his exhausted face now, “The club found out…now it’s over. I buried him myself out on the road and I wish I never encouraged him to be in this shit you know? Maybe he’d still be here being a smart ass. My brother’s gone and I don’t got nothing left. This dried blood on my hands…it’s not worth it no more. Which is why I need you and Xavy to come with me before the feds come because I know they will. It’s only a matter of time.”

Solay searched Angel’s eyes and they held sincerity. It was all finally coming full circle now, what she’s been telling him for years…that the club’s brotherhood wouldn’t end well. Not when there was so much dirt, blood, lack of values, and deceit behind it. She had no issue speaking her peace on the club way back when (she also felt a way when she learned that EZ was getting involved fresh out of being locked up but angel didn’t want to hear that shit either) and sure she got along with some of the men there but it’s not like she was ever clueless to what it was. Solay was tired of constantly looking over her shoulder when it came to Angel’s club and that feeling never went away, even when she gave birth to their son and even when they were officially divorced. Everything was crumbling down around Angel and he was trying to get out for good.

“You want me to just pick everything up and follow you to Arizona?”

Angel dips his head, “yeah, it’ll be different this time. And I’m not saying let’s go off and get remarried or nothing like that but we could be something real. A family again.”

“Yeah a real fucked up one,” Cane comments, making Angel realize that he was in fact still in the room with them, “so let’s get this straight? Your daddy’s gone, that bitch you cheated with up and left your ass—which probably means she’s six feet under too—yeah I know exactly what she’s really into and it’s clear you’re too dumb to figure that out still, and now for a club to kill one of their own…it’s evident that your brother was some sort of snitch who got what was comin’ to him. But the ultimate disrespect is you coming back up in here with your tail in between your legs, thinking you can just take back what you lost long ago.”

“Listen man, you watch your damn mouth when it comes to my blood.” Angel points a warning finger at the man who chuckles; not the least bit threatened, “this is much bigger than your fucken ego. I’m looking out for Solay and our son, this don’t got shit to do with you. Never has. You can leave and go back to your own crooked shit in New York and leave Solay and my son out of it.”

Now isn’t that the coffee calling the kettle black?

Cane furrowed his brows, “Now you wanna win the father of the year award? You ain’t never been shit as far as I can tell and you’re never gonna be shit. Solay’s not going nowhere with you, she’s good on that.”

Solay got to her feet now as Angel glared at Cane who was all smirks, knowing he could get underneath the vulnerable older man’s skin so easily, “I’m going to need the both of you stop speaking for me.”

Both men kept their heated stares on each other but Cane couldn’t take Angel seriously with a child in his arms. The silence was weighing down the living room as Solay began to pace the floor. She didn’t know all of the details and didn’t think she would with Cane in the room. There was truth in his words when it came to the club—this Solay knew, although she was always on the outside when it came to anything revolving around the Mayans.

“Cane…I need a minute.”

“Aight, let’s go.” Cane was ready to lead the way back to the bedroom with a nod of his head in the direction of the room but a shake of Solay’s head had him confused.

Solay met Cane’s hooded eyes, “with Angel, alone.”

“I know you’re not considering leaving with this clown, So.”

Angel shrugged his shoulders, “It shouldn’t matter to you no way, the only reason you still stuck around is to get some product right? Now that that’s gone—you don’t need me or Solay. So maybe you should start saying your goodbyes now.”

Which provoked cane to whip out the gun again, until Solay reached for his wrist, making cane glance at her, ready to shove her hand off but he moved his stare back to Angel who had a sly smirk on the corner of his own lips.

“You act like you’re the only one I can do business with.” Cane tightened his stare, “Heroin ain’t really my lane but I thought why not since I’m here? You fucked that up like you constantly do and there you go again assuming shit about my relationship with Solay and you don’t know the first thing about it.”

Angel lifted his shoulders, “I know you ain’t no better than me and you don’t really care about Solay as much as you claim you do. It’s all a game but the difference is I’m always gonna be around, you on the other hand are disposable and I’mma always have my son’s best interest at heart. Solay’s the bonus.”

Cane rolled his eyes, “Let me find you a gold sticker for your forehead—

“ENOUGH!” Solay screams at the both of them, carefully peaking over at the sleeping baby afterwards,“this back and forth is getting on my nerves. Let me think in peace for a little bit, just go Cane.”

She orders.

Cane kisses his teeth and walked off, knowing that it was best before he might actually let some bullets fly.

Solay massaged the space in between her thin brows as her mind began spinning. She thought about all the bad the club brought to her front door and she was just leveling up without it.

So it seemed.

Now here Angel, a man she used to be in love with, a troubled man she wanted to spend forever with once upon a time, the man she shared a child with, was here telling her he was out. Out of the club, something she wanted for years for him because she knew that club wasn’t his purpose. He didn’t see it then but he saw it now. Solay’s faced a lot when it came to the club, with Angel’s disappearing for days at a time making her believe one of those days he wouldn’t come home to her, quality time being cancelled so he could be more dedicated to that club instead, cleaning up his wounds due to all sorts of danger he was involved in, he fucked those bartending bitches behind her back while some of those men smiled in her face knowing his dirt, to having a false sense of protection that led to being tied up, beat on so bad and left alone in a burning building years ago—which she just finished paying off a hospital bill for.

All of those instances let Solay know that The Mayans weren’t some saints by any means but Solay knew Angel loved that brotherhood once upon a time. He was slowly changing and morphing into something else—maybe something better—over these last couple of years but Solay figured that’s what happens when on-going lost comes your way. Gives you a bit of a wake up call and proud wasnt the word she would ever use (everyone that he lost still mattered to her as well) but it was about damn time.

It’s just unfournate how it all played out and there was so much to weigh out here. Solay knew she and Xavier would probably be harassed despite Angel being officially out of the Mayans. The war doesn’t just end and given what state Angel was in—numb yet determined, sitting in her living room clenching onto Maverick, Solay knew this war would just brew many more.

She would be affiliated no matter what and so would their son and so would Mavy—if not more thanks to who his mother is or was. This would always be Angel’s doing and she wasn’t blaming him, that wouldn’t get her anywhere she realized but it was a fact. She was with Angel right when the club was just an idea, a one night stand which later turned serious not long after he got patched in, back when he and Coco just moved into the Azure apartment complexes. The Mayans ripped through Angel, that much she could tell and many in her position would jump at the chance to shout at him, “I told your ass!”

Except Solay closed her eyes and took a deep inhale, rolling the tension out of her shoulders before she met Angel’s stare.

“Tell me all of it but take it easy when it comes to…Ezekiel.” She tells Angel, feeling a twing in her own chest at the thought of the brother she couldn’t save.

Angel held his ex-wife’s stare and inhaled a shaky breath, “…alright.”

Life in the desert was not something Solay thought she would ever be part of. She immediately thought of dry skin 24/7 when she had combo skin. Yes there were deserts back home but at least there was a downtown area that wasn’t far from her home. This transition was certainly just that. She’s in the kitchen in a daze, the southwest home is quiet in her mind as she’s drying the last dish. Her eyes are set on the two square windows by the dining table off to the side of the strangely shaped kitchen, back pressed into the kitchen sink.

It’s a early Monday afternoon, September just hit the calendar and she’s lost track of time. A hand catches her off guard as they tug on the belt hoops of her Jean skirt, making her gaze turn down to her seven year old who’s peering up at her with her mirrored doe-shaped eyes and his father’s nose.

“We’re back from the pool, mommy!” Xavier signs as Solay smiles sweetly at him, hand going around his shoulders to squeeze him to her hips.

She didn’t even pick up on him entering the sliding doors by the dining room, her mind elsewhere.

Labor Day came around much quicker than expected and they had their little celebration that Sunday but Xavier seemed to love the water and couldn’t get enough. Which means Angel was on duty for taking him and Maverick to the pool out back while Solay did a few minor things for work online and cleaned up the lunch angel ordered.

Solay signs, “Did you have fun?”

“Always!” Xavier laughs with a nod of his head.

“Good, let’s get you cleaned up.”

The boy groans as Solay gives him a stern look while he spins on his damp heels before stomping out the kitchen and headed towards his room.

Solay lightly laughs with a shake of her head.

“Xavy pouting about clean up time again?”

“Yeah the usual,” solay shrugs as the man makes his way over to her while she reaches to brush a wet strand of a two year old Maverick’s hair back, “everything go alright out there?”

Angel bends to put Maverick on his feet, the little man taking off on his chubby feet to find his big brother, “yeah, why wouldn’t it be? It’s hot as shit out there though. Isn’t autumn supposed to be here by now?”

“We just touched September,” Solay states kind of ignoring the question he asked back, “and you’re the one who picked Arizona, not me.”

Angel lifts his chin, “you could have talked me out of it though.”

“You don’t listen to nobody but your own big ass head.”

Angel shrugged as he leaned his elbows back on the dark wooded island that was rolled and locked in place on a angle in the kitchen, “seriously though, I’ve seen you in here looking like you’re off in space and shit. You sure you’re alright?”

Ever since Solay made the decision to be here with Angel, Maverick, and Xavier, Angel always made it his task to question how she was holding up. Like it was devastating or like she had regrets being here but that’s not truly how she felt. She wasn’t sure how she felt, Solay couldn’t really explain it. She just knows she feels something unsettling often. After Angel told her the truth back in her old stucco home in Santo Padre, she knew getting the hell out of dodge was also the best option.

They weren’t together but they found a new therapist and communicated much better. Angel worked two jobs, first considering a semi-truck driving job but declined once he knew how much hours he would have to put in and how long he would be away from his family. He was persistent on turning over a new leaf. Of course he still had scraps of his own money and Luisa’s blood money but he promised Solay that he wouldn’t use that money when it came to renting their home. He could do whatever he wanted with it but not when it came to their new home or Xavier. So he worked as a custodian at a middle school full-time and a delivery driver on Friday and most Saturday nights.

Solay signed over the building to her second in command at her shop to continue running her business in Santo Padre and if she wished to turn it into her own, she could. Solay was expecting and waiting for the day that would happen. Her main focus was running her e-commerce shop for her beauty line which continued to be successful and having her products distributed in over seven spas in the major cities of Arizona. She was still doing well and adapted to the new setting although her family was very vocal on this big leap.

Her dad still wasn’t vibing with Angel like that after all these years and knew from the jump that he continued to get his daughter into some mess. It really wasn’t like that but a father always knows and he had no problem booking flights with his ex wife, Solay’s mother to vacation in this hot ass desert right at their house. Her big sister on the other hand? She made it routine to talk to Solay and her nephew, Xavier almost every day.

In a way having Solay’s family around a few times out of the year kinda made him forget missing his own. Almost. Even when he was got in disagreements with Solay’s opinionated father. He could laugh about it once he dropped them off at the airport and brush off the touch of overbearingness because that’s just how Solay’s family was.

He was still down to go to the end of the earth with her as he eyed her in a new light now. Part of him expected Solay to just kick him out that night and keep him away from Xavier. Instead he gave her the littlest bit of time to decide, on his terms and even though everything seemed to be moving rapidly to him, he understood that Solay didn’t operate like that. Things could be drippy when this type of news was delivered and felt overwhelming. She had to sit with all the information Angel gave her, then analyze it all and take Xavier into account before moving forward.

Maybe this was just what they needed, a change of scenery, away from the Mayans and what that town brought into their lives. It wasn’t perfect by any means but life was much more slow-paced now. Initially this is what Solay wanted, a soft girl era but there was always this haunting feeling that shifted from her chest down to her gut.

“Do I?” She asked, snapping out of it.

Angel started tossing a plum up into the air, “don’t know if you notice but you just did it again. Felt like twelve hours later that you answered me.”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you mean it though?”

“What?”

“You’d tell me if something is wrong right? If you don’t want to do this anymore—

“Shush. It’s not ideal but it works for now.”

Angel dipped his head at this. He was very much aware that Solay could run off into the night if she truly wanted to but she was also invested in beating the odds. She wanted a stable home for their son. It made sense to Angel and knew it didn’t to anybody else and sure it was rocky at first with Xavier having trouble adjusting to the new environment—which kicked mama bear Solay in play, who had no issue telling administrators to be more accommodating to those with special needs (there was a serious lack of specific hearing impaired schools in small towns like this and santo padre but at least back home there was one educator that was also an interpreter) —Angel had to hide the chairs let’s just say that and Angel also had no issue telling the kid that picked on Xavy that he’d “fuck him up,” which the kid repeated but his own parents didn’t believe that surprisingly.

Probably because the wife and her husband had their eyes on angel. Solay was completely convinced that they were swingers but Angel laughed it off until his ass got squeezed by one of them at a third meeting.

“Alright then…wanna talk about that date with the firefighter?”

Solay scowled, “it wasn’t a date.”

“You went to a cooking class together this time around and a escape room before that, which he had a advantage to considering his job by the way. I’d say it’s a date, why are you being so weird about it?” Angel’s tossing the fruit up in the air but frowning over at the woman.

Solay scratches at her scalp above her scarf in irritation before moving to leave the kitchen and entered the living room that’s right next to it, “i’m not being weird about it. I just don’t think I need to talk to you about it.”

“Why not? I’m not feelin’ no type of way about it if that’s what you’re thinking. are we not besties now?” Angel followed after Solay who flicked the reruns of a talk-show off.

Solay scoffed as she looked over at angel in disbelief, “we’re roomies at best.”

“Exactly, besties.”

“Whatever helps you sleep at night.”

“I think it would help Edgar sleep better at night if you just admit yall are going on dates.” Angel teased as he leaned towards Solay who gave him the hand on her way by.

“That’s not even his name!”

Angel called out to her, “I know it starts with an E though. I gotta be close.”

“Eddie.” Solay told him, “Short for Edmundo and that’s all I’m gonna say about him to you.”

“Edmundo? Awl shit, you got a type!”

“Shut the hell—I’m gonna tend to the kids.”

“Yeah uh huh, you can get away from this conversation now but I’ll just ease drop some more when you’re gossiping about ‘im when you’re on the phone with big sis.” Angel commented as Solay rolled her eyes and made her exit.

If you asked solay she would say Angel’s the one being weird about this. It’s been two years since they left and Angel was keen on seeing solay get back out there and find her perfect match or whatever. He seemed to be more for it than Solay herself. She wasn’t really searching when Eddie came along in a bar (with a few others) she was having dinner solo in and she definitely brought it up to their therapist, who said it was Angel’s way of trying to make up for the unhappiness he brought her.

Still that was more weird than them living in a house together raising their sons in Solay’s eyes. A more normal reaction would be Angel grilling the casual dates Solay went on but now he was ready to hear how it was going and when he would meet them. Solay’s only been on two dates with Eddie and he was a complete gentleman, had a excellent job, a bit dorky and nervous? which gave Solay the indication that he did like her a little bit when he stumbled over his words asking her out for the first time but knew how to keep a conversation going, it was easy flowing. Almost too easy and Solay wasn’t used to easy.

At all.

She’s helping an annoyed Xavier with a Luke-temp bath, putting her thoughts on mute after hearing Angel tend to Maverick in Xavier’s room, coming up with all sorts of sound effects as if they were pilots (she thinks) since Maverick seemed to enjoy airplanes.

“Mom,” Xavier gets Solay’s attention again, sticking his finger into her nostril.

She flinched back making the boy laugh in her expense while she shook her head at him with a disapproving smile. He’s pointing behind her at the counter and Solay turns as she sits on the closed lid, reaching for her vibrating phone, which shows its her old employee calling her.

“Hey Idil, I know you’re not working on the holiday?” Solay greets after putting the call on speaker.

There’s loud shuffling on the line, which makes solay furrow her brows a bit as she turns back to the phone, “Idil?”

“Sup, so. You miss me?”

Solay pauses as she picks up on the familiar voice, “…Cane…what’re you doing?”

“Business. That’s all I’m good for right?”

Things didn’t end the best with Cane as to be expected when Solay told him what she planned on doing. Which included putting the house on the market, packing up half of her things, having some of it shipped out, leaving a small portion to sell with the house, discussing the way her business would be ran in Idil’s hands abruptly, and most importantly leaving Cane behind. She learned all about him showing up to Angel’s house with his little brother Dru, threatening him to stay away from Solay and to see how they can get in on Ez’s supply of heroin to move a percentage of the product in New York. Cane heard about the new president from word of mouth on the streets but he was the first to actually take the trip and do something about it.

Solay came into sight and he got a little distracted but when cane learned her background, he was close enough to get that connect but he also found fun in getting on Angel’s nerves. Which left Solay to question if any of it was real, she was tired of men taking for her weak when she opened up her heart to them which is why she was a little emotionally cut off—so she thought but she was always passionate or sensitive—depends who you ask.

“What do you want?”

Cane huffed, “how you know I ain’t just supporting a black owned business? What if I want to keep my skin looking like a Hershey’s kiss?”

“I don’t have time for this.”

“Yeah but you had enough time to fuck off with Antonio banderas and kick me to the curb though.”

“You sound pressed.”

“Nah, I handle shit.”

“And what do you mean by that?” Solay’s eyes were in slits now, “you know what? Don’t answer that. I don’t want anything else to do with your bullshit.”

“Why not? We had a good time together don’t you think?”

“I’d Rather not reminisce about the past.”

“See, I find that hard to believe. You in that clay box ass house with a nobody raising his kids, one of those kids that’s a product of him not being loyal to you. Not loving you. Like you ain’t shit to him, he treated you like you were temporary. Which is something I would have never done to you but you’re too blinded by him for whatever reason. Sounds like you ran right back to the past because you’re scared of something real.”

Solay cackles as Cane voices his thoughts to her, like he just read her. “Scared, maybe? Real? That’s unlikely with you. You didn’t step into what we had as a forever type of thing, it was all lies on your part too. All the red flags were right in front of my face and I don’t know how you don’t get that you’re no better, Cane. I know one things for sure, I wasn’t ever afraid to lose you, so stay the fuck off my line.”

With that she ended the call and only imagined he was probably screwing somebody in the shop now if he wasn’t running product through it. Idil couldn’t be that fooled or backstabbing right? She knew how cane operated and it’s been silent for two years now, not hearing from him and her accepting that most of it was probably not genuine was just Cane trying to get ahead.

Solay was over these men trying to get the best of her when she felt like didn’t deserve this. She was knocked off her path moving to Arizona but perhaps this was part of her healing. At least that’s one way she tried to look at it, putting boundaries up and vowing that she didn’t see being in a romantic relationship again with Angel Reyes. What she saw was: she needed to move on from all the hurt, find happiness behind the success and continue being a good mom to Xavier.

Solay was done with the drama.

“Soso, everything good?” Angel called from behind the door.

Solay had her eyes trained on Xavier, her hand resting on his coarse damp hair. She calls back out to Angel, “yup, all good. Hey, what do you think about taking the RV out for a ride a little later? Go sight seeing.”

“Fucken finally!” Angel cheered from behind the door while a small smile appeared on her lips, “I’m driving though.”

That’s right, Angel made the purchase of a RV for the hell of it last summer while Solay looked at it as a possible exit plan. Did Angel know that? No but she planned on telling him at some point. Did she need to jump ship just yet now that it’s been brought to her attention that cane was still keeping tabs on her? Maybe so but for now she just wanted to enjoy this holiday.

She’s on autopilot as she’s getting Xavier dressed into some lounge clothes that would be suitable for their outing later. After finishing twirling his coils, she sends him off to run to where Maverick and Angel are horsing around—easily joining in on their fun. Solay stands in the doorway, arms lightly folded as she watches them bond with each other, like a family should.

This time it felt like it was time to stop catering to everyone else’s needs always first yet that could be dangerous if you didn’t have balance but Solay was ready for something more. No one was going to get in the way of that, she vowed. She deserved to have genuine joy that didn’t end with her crying herself to sleep at night. That didn’t mean to find that in someone else because you’ll be dependent on that person always and that’s not something she wanted to do anymore, be dependent on anyone else for love, this she learned in therapy but that didn’t mean she couldn’t enjoy the company of a certain firefighter if she got out of her own way.

She should text Eddie back.

A lot can happen in two years and her attitude shifted being in the same space as Angel again. It wasn’t necessarily intentional in the beginning it’s just that it was always something with him. Now it didn’t feel like she was simply tolerating him anymore, no it wasn’t all sparkles and sunshine either in this present time but the bad moods stopped being constant. Solay’s mind was always on the move and being someplace else away from her main family, gave her the chance to really sit with her emotions and that brought up a lot some days.

She had to learn that her life wasn’t some play in a dream land or that she was out in the audience watching, like this was euphoria or anything along those lines.

This was actually her life and as she watched a tatted shirtless Angel settle into his newfound life with his boys, warm smiles and head thrown back while he silently laughed as he interacted with both boys in harmony, Solay let a smile of her own split onto her face.

It’s after 3PM when the family of four make their way out into the Arizonan heat that’s good at sending people to do a quick face plant. Solay’s checked the weather every hour before they deemed that now was a good time to go out, the temperature only went down four degrees which absolutely didn’t feel like much as she held Maverick’s little hand and Angel led the way while Xavier ran from his side and up ahead.

Forgetting something in the house, she tells Angel as he’s standing at the dining table inside the cool RV while the boys sit side by side.

“C’mon so!” Angel groaned, “We’re just going on a thirty minute drive and coming straight back, you tryin’ to take the whole house?”

Solay raises a finger in the air as she’s going down the steps, “better to be prepared than not to be if we get stranded.”

“Don’t put that kinda energy out there, cariño.”

“I’m just saying.”

“You’re starting to sound like your mother.”

“Run that by me again?”

“Nothing. Go head.” Angel fanned his ring covered hand at the arched brow Solay sent his way.

He then snickered down at the boys who watched their interaction as he spoke and signed, “Joking,” to Xavier and Maverick.

The heat blew across her skin as she peered down at her phone, house keys swinging on her finger until she stopped in her tracks, looking up and over at the two young figures standing before her.

“You must be Tariq and…”

“Oh, I’m Brayden!” The blond boy on his right beamed with a hand pressed to his chest in greeting, making the taller of the two cut his eyes at him.

Brayden shrugged innocently at the look Tariq sent him while Solay let out a sigh and placed her phone into the back pocket of her Jean skirt.

“You don’t seem surprised to see us.” Tariq noted while Solay held out her hands.

“Not really, when you get older it’s always something. So…what’s the plan here boys?” Solay moved her hand to press against her forehead, blocking out the scorching sunrays.

The two share a look with each other while Solay awaited for them to spit it out. They were here for a reason and Solay was open to hearing them out since they came all this way after all but it’s not like she wanted to be wrapped up in their bullshit either.

They just met and she really owed them nothing.

“Do you know a Don? Don Carter.” Tariq starts and he picks up on the expression on Solay’s face.

She doesn’t say anything but Tariq picked up the expression on her face much faster than Brayden could register it.

“He’s this detective who’s wife got killed years ago and he was never able to solve the case. We have proof that shows Cane pulled the trigger that killed her and we need your help to get him out the way or else our asses are done for.” Brayden added.

Solay answered, “Detective Don Carter is my cousin.”

“I knew it.” Tariq smiled as if this solved his problem, “if we hand him the truth and you lure Cane back here, we can either take him out or Don can do whatever he needs to: throw his ass in jail or take him out himself. Whoever gets to him first besides you.”

Brayden brushed off his shoulders before the teens gave each other dap, “Yeah, team work baby!”

Solay shushed them, making the smiles wipe right off their faces, “what makes you think I want to be involved with Cane again? I’ve moved on, whatever else he’s got going on doesn’t have a thing to do with me if you haven’t noticed.”

“That’s not true though,” Tariq frowned, “you know he’s obsessed with you more than he’s on my shit and that’s saying a lot. He’s gonna disrupt whatever you got going on until he wins.”

‘What exactly does he think he’s going to win?’ Solay thought to herself as she tilts her head to the side at the teen’s words, Tariq would know that side of Cane since that’s not the side she got to see but he did fool her before.

“So the plan is: you want me to trap him for your sake? Which again, doesn’t have anything to do with me.”

“Yours too. He did you dirty, right? Aren’t you sick of him because I sure am.” Brayden asks, making Solay cross her arms.

“That’s my cousin’s business not mine.” Solay almost sasses, “I’m on a clean slate this time, I’m just trying to be a mother and be a legal business owner, no more dealing with men that have bad shit attached to them. take that shit to Don and leave me out of it. I heard he moved out to New york.”

“Well…” Brayden sucks air between his teeth with a wince.

Tariq states, “we can’t go back to the city just yet.”

“Why not?”

“Cane’s stupid ass, the rest of the tejada’s, and Effie set me up that’s why!” Tariq was heated, rightfully so.

“I tried to take him out but I guess that wasn’t enough to be fatal,” Brayden is apologetic but Tariq just dips his head in thanks, a silent understanding passing between the two boys.

“Wait…you shot Cane? He just called—nope.” Solay begins walking by the boys, done with the conversation while shuffling her keys as she heads back to the house, kicking up dirt while she went.

The boys were pleading as they followed after the older woman but she was not trying to hear anymore.

“Hey!” Angel called out to the trio, making both Tariq and Brayden whip around to face the mustache wearing man who stood on the steps of the RV, shotgun aimed right in their direction.

“Shit, shit! Don’t shoot us man, we really come in peace!”

“Shut up, Brayden.”

“Angel,” Solay calls from the path of the doorway and gives him a shake of her head to tell him not to pull that trigger.

Solay takes her eyes off Angel and says to the boys, “wait here, preferably away from my ex-husband’s eyesight.”

“No problem! You got it!” Brayden disappears, hiding behind the southwest exterior while Tariq holds Angel’s stare who turns them into slits, “what’re you doing, riq? Didn’t you say he’s in a motorcycle club? those motherfuckers get rowdy.”

“Nah, he was. Then he disappeared. He might be our answer too.”

The door slams shut behind them, making the teens turn back to Solay who’s locking up the home while carrying what appears to be a trinket box. She meets their stare as she steps down onto the dirt and nods her head, “follow me.”

“Not if you’re gonna have that guy kill us!”

“Nobody’s dying,” Solay says over her shoulder as she leads the way back to Angel, “my kids are inside the RV.”

Brayden let’s out a whistle of relief as Solay steps up to Angel, reaching up to lower the gun down, her eyes saying something which gets him to put the safety on lock.

“This is Tariq and Brayden,” Solay let’s Angel know as they make their way into the RV, making the man let out a groan of annoyance.

“Our kids are here and it’s a holiday, why are you two pulling up now?”

Tariq presses his elbows into his knees after taking a seat on the couch parallel to where the two kids sit, “To get rid of your remaining problem: Cane Tejada.”

“Oh…the fucken bed bug.” Angel rubs at his face in irritation while Brayden snorts at the insult.

Solay cut her eyes at him, motioning to their kids, leaving the man to hold his hands up in surrender and then sticks his tongue out at Maverick who looks his way. Solay places the headphones onto the toddler’s ears and gently rubs Xavier’s shoulders, although he’s too involved in his tablet to care about the new guests.

Tariq and Brayden give the same rundown they just gave Solay and Angel listens carefully. He rubs at his face in thought over this, on one instance this could go in their favor but on the other hand it could also go very wrong. It became knowledge to Angel that Cane was still keeping tabs on them and that didn’t sit right with him. This means they never knew what he would do or when he would do it, he was always unpredictable like that and the last thing Angel wanted was Cane messing up what he and Solay came so far to have together.

This was the first time Angel got to really start over and he knew from the beginning that Cane was not the one for Solay. Standing here now just proves that.

“We know a guy that can probably help you guys more than we can,” Angel says after a moment, his eyes meeting Solay’s as she nods her head also thinking the same thing.

Solay doesn’t say more as Angel moves to the driver seat, leaving her to tap and motion for Xavier to slide over before she reaches over to hold Maverick in the safety of her arms.

Brayden’s more antsy than Tariq is, who seems to have this calm but cautious demeanor analyzing everything around them just in case they needed to flee from the RV. His guard was secretly up but he did his research, he found out what Cane’s plan was coming out to California but wouldn’t realize how this would backfire on him.

Tariq didn’t care to know the full details on Cane’s fraudulent relationship with the braided woman but he could see the appeal in Solay. With the way she moved on her own, with Angel and interacted with the kids, there was power in her soothing aura. Tariq could tell that she was over it though and that she’s also been through some shit but if she wanted to fully dead the situation, she would even if that meant she didn’t have to get her hands dirty herself.

The drive from the desert into the Mountain View and ramps was not what Tariq was really used to on a daily but the ride was long enough. Angel’s soon pulling up on the side of the road before shutting the engine off.

“We’re here,” Angel says through the rear view mirror before unbuckling his seatbelt.

Solay looks in his direction before turning to the two boys, “before you ask, there’s a pay phone up ahead and you’re going to take this number and let him know that Majesty and Sunny sent you.”

Tariq takes the slip of paper from Solay who rocks Maverick on her lap, “How do we know you’re not setting us up?”

“You don’t.” Angel calls out while Solay blinks.

She shrugs, “that’s not the life we live anymore but if it’s to get the bad off our backs…hopefully this will be worth it.”

“Are you sure this guy will help us?”

“His ass is always into something despite the fact that he should be dead with the rest but I know he’s been itching to get into it. To get his hands on something again…he’s a dumbass just like you two.” Angel fills the two in while they share a look, unsure but knew they didn’t have much else to lose.

They didn’t have many on their side right now.

Solay chipped in as she rests her chin on top of Mavy’s dark hair, “And just like you used to be.”

“That’s before I became a dad.”

Solay hummed in disbelief.

“Alright before i became a better one!”

Tariq got to his feet now while the pair smiled at each other from across the vehicle, “aight thanks for looking out.”

“Sure…but promise me this will be the last time we see you.”

Brayden glanced at Tariq who stood by the stairs, “as long as this guy comes through.”

Solay tunes that response out.

“Uh wait, how do we know it’s him?” Brayden asks as Tariq heads towards the door but also pauses on the last step.

“…he goes by Guero.” Angel says as Tariq repeats the name with a nod of his head before pushing the door open.

Once both boys are off the RV and shut the door closed, Angel starts the engine again and pulls off leaving the boys behind to their own disarray.

Solay turns with one arm to pull Xavier to rest against her chest, her attention turning to the blur of trees lingering in the now partly cloudy sky, lost in the silence that she welcomes again while Angel briefly glances at the sight of her in the rear view, just wondering what’s going on inside of that head of her’s.

He hoped it was tranquility just like he was searching for within himself.

ੈ ╭──╯ . . . *ੈ ╭──╯ . . . *ੈ ╭──╯ . . . *

Continue along with my September anthology prompts here.

[munsonownsmyass]

Never let you go

Matt Murdock x reader

Notes: This is for @mindidjarin . It's her birthday and she often says she wants our boy Matty to suffer, so... Happy birthday, Mindi my dear, here's some whump.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, massive injuries, crying. Whumpy shit. I made myself cry.

Feeling lightheaded, Matt stumbles down the corridor, searching for you. His bleeding had slowed down, but his suit was already drenched with blood. Not all of it his, but most of it was. He should probably do something about it, bandage it up, but there was no time. He had to find you.

The metallic smell of blood hangs heavily in the air, overpowering his senses. His own. The guys who now lay unconscious or dead on the floor. You.

He hears you, finds your ragged breath and weak heartbeat. Falling to his knees beside you, his hands roam your form, assessing your injuries. Small wounds scattered all over your body, some deeper than others, but most he could handle. Bruised skin, a few broken bones and…

He tries to convince himself it isn’t bad, that he can get you help, but as his hand covers the huge gash on your throat, he can’t keep the tears away. Even with the wound covered, the blood trickles freely past his fingertips. Sliding down your chest and his arms, dripping onto the floor.

“Just tell me.” You cough out, your words drowned out by the blood in your mouth. Your breathing is shallow, fast, as you try to hang on. “It’s bad, isn’t it?”

“No, no, sweetheart. It’s okay.” He lies, his free hand gently cupping your cheek. He tries to tell himself that it’s not that much blood, that people have survived worse. But you’re already so cold, your heartbeat getting fainter by each beat. “You’ll be okay.”

“Matty-” You try, but your words fail you. You’re already so weak, but you try to be strong. For him. And he tries to be strong for you, keeping the tears at bay. He should never have brought you here, but you insisted. Wanted to help. You’re always so strong, so stubborn. One of the reasons he loves you so much.

“Help will be here soon. I promise.” It’s more for himself than you, trying to hold onto hope. Whispering silent prayers between sobs as he caress your hair, feeling your body become weaker in his arms. You can’t do this, you can’t leave him like this. It’s not fair. He’s already lost so much, he can’t lose you too.

“Sweetheart?” More a plea than a question, he shake you awake. You can’t fall asleep, not yet. Not when there’s so much he wants to say. A soft whimper is all you give him, as the tears stream down your face. He can feel them fall on his hands, hear your sobs in between your strained breath.

“I need you to hold on for me, okay? Just-” You place your hand on his chest, right over his heart and he breaks. Sobbing, he kisses you, hopefully not for the last time. “Just be strong for me. I can’t go on without you. I can’t do this alone. I need you.”

“I’m sorry.” You croak out, voice so weak it’s barely there. He can feel you looking at him and how much it drains you. It’s not gonna be long now. “I’m so sorry, Matty. Please forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, sweetheart.” The tears sting in his eyes, the silent cries now turned into sobs as he caress your hair, rocking you softly in his arms. “Just… Hold on.”

“I can’t… You-” You cup his cheek, hand trembling as it takes all your remaining strength. “You have to let me go. Move your hand.”

“No, please. Please don’t make me do that. I can’t-” He pleads. You just nod, moving your own hand to his. His lips find yours in the last kiss you’ll ever share. As he keeps you in his embrace, lips locked with yours, he moves his hand from your throat. He keeps holding you, caressing you and whispering pleads to anyone who will listen. Even after you’ve turned cold, your heartbeat gone, he holds you close, never wanting to let you go.

TFC girls: @e-dubbc11 @saintmurd0ck @mattmurdocksscars @itwasthereaminuteago @pedrito-friskito @officialjanetsnakehole @a-bang-for-your-bucky @idrinkcoffeeandobsess

Tagging: @freshabogados @lucy-sky