#hopefull and hurting

[confessionsofcalling]

Midnight

Another midnight, another year.

It is impossibly different and impossibly the same. I am lying in bed with my gorgeous dog. I have cried tears, I have felt grateful and I felt unbelievably exhausted. I have hurt so much and healed so much and hurt so much all over again.

I am taking a big breath in and letting it slowly ease out again. What a painful and beautiful thing it is that I am still alive at almost midnight again. That I am here to see another year.

I am meeting myself here at midnight, and meeting again all my past selves that have sobbed through the night and woken up puffy to January first and little to no hope. I feel sad. No denying it. But maybe this year I am just a tad more hopeful than devastated. I’m calling that a huge achievement.

If New Year is the time when people decide to take leaps, to do more or less of this and that in the coming year then I can think about the gentlest ways to leave the crappy stuff behind and try to find more light.

Maybe this year I can start to love my body a tiny bit more.

Maybe this year I can trust myself a bit more.

Maybe this year I can be present just a bit more often.

Or maybe this year I’ll just survive.

But for the first time I think staying alive is a more achievable goal. Boy isn’t that crazy.

I imagine God holding my hand as I step over the line of another year. He is so kind to me. I have questions sure, I have doubts, but I have enough faith to feel that if no one else gets just how hard it is to ignore the horrible voice in your head, God gets it. He will work everything for good in its time. Even if that’s impossible to believe right now.

I am breathing in and out again. I am lucky because I can do that freely. I am reflecting on that impossible similarity and that impossible change. I have more feckless than last year, my hair is a different colour, I am in a different house with different coloured walls. And yet, I am me and I am a bundle of energy and joy and tiredness and trauma and the world is still broken.

But in my breath I can believe that there is an eternal force that somehow means as I am breathing here in this little house by the river, somewhere a million miles away someone else is breathing at the same pace, crossing midnight and choosing life still. And so I will hang onto my faith in a God that cares for the most wounded and fragile people and places. And I will relish however heartbreaking the chance to wake up tomorrow and try again.

When I have fallen this year, God has told me, get up beloved child.

When I have won this year God has said, well done beloved child.

When I have been exhausted God has said, rest beloved child.

So the midnight circumstances change, but the truth remains the same, beloved child. That’s me and that’s you.

This is, as always, such a mess of word vomit and love and bad grammar and hope and all the things.

Hey midnight.

Hey fellow traveler.

We made it, once again.

Keep on keeping on.

[dol-dee]

Drew for way too long and am suffering from every status effect known to mankind now. (I hyperfocused too close to the sun)

[citrus-blade]

64! Or 8! I love these numbers, why do I have an emotional attachment to numbers?

64: City of Angels - Em Beihold

AU:

Dream and Techno were childhood friends and grew up in houses right next to each other. Ever since they were kids they shared interests, the same goes with their passion for acting. They were in the theater club together and had a friendly rivalry going on.

They had planned to get famous together and not turn into those typical actors who were all bloodsuckers. Instead staying true to themselves and keep their friendship always above everything else.

But then it happened. In college Dream got an offer to act as the leading role in a movie that would surly turn into a hit. He agreed and Techno was happy for him. However with the acceptance came the travelling, the little time for calls and even less to chat. Dream was busy with everything but his friends and Techno was annoyed.

When Dream announced that he was dropping out of college, as he was now successful and called a new born star all over the world. His fame skyrocketed over night with the release of the movie. And with time it had happened, he turned into what he had promised never to become.

Techno was left behind, finished college and mostly accepted smaller roles in the background. Until a talent scount found him and hired him for a next big movie. Only on the first day on set did he find out who he was working with. Dream.

8: Find A Way - SafetySuit

I love this song so so much omg. I listened a lot to it when I wrote my first dnb fanfiction lol

AU:

Techno was rich. Filthy rich even. But even though he was rich, he had fought his parents to let him go to a normal school instead of one of those pretenious private ones. He wanted to have a normal life and find normal friends who weren't just with him cause their parents wanted to work with Techno's.

So he started school with no big expectations except of hoping to find friends. But he found so much more than that. Beside Wilbur, Hannah and a kid called Squid, he had met Dream.

Dream who came from a much poorer family, Dream who wanted to turn into an author and tell people all about the stories he created in his head, Dream who was so unaware of Techno's wealth. And Dream who was just as in love with Technoblade as Techno was with him.

It didn't take long for them to get together, feeling a pull to each other. Though it was weird that they never met up at Techno's place, they were either at Dream's or somewhere outside. Never at the pinket's.

Then one day it happened, Dream had followed Techno to his house, or rather his mansion. He watched him walk through the gate past the security and it was then when Dream decided to look up Techno's last name.

Shocked and betrayed he had called him, told him he was outside. Techno came running outside, telling Dream not to be too loud or his parents would hear them. Dream, angry that Techno tried to keep him as a secret left.

The next day Techno talked to Dream, tried to explain that his parents weren't good people and he was scared that they'd hurt Dream. But Dream said they wouldn't, that everyone somehow hated their own parents in their young age of seventeen and surely they weren't as bad as he thought.

So the next weekend Dream came over and Techno was proven right. The way his parents looked at him and talked to him? Wrinkled nose and noises of disgust. But the worst was that they told Techno that he couldn't be friends with someone like Dream, that he wasn't good enough.

They didn't know what they were talking about because Dream was the greatest person on earth. He grabbed his boyfriend's hand and they ran. Ran and ran until there wasn't anywhere to go. Because Techno didn't care about what other people said about Dream, he loved him and he'd find a way to stay by his side forever.

[125storejuice]

.

[doppelnatur]

.

[celtrist]

I cannot. Stress enough just HOW MUCH I relate to this statement. I enjoy some Alastor ships (and heavily dislike some but thats sorta normal in fandoms), even if not my preferred type of relationship depictions. I also enjoy going the route of Alastor being someone not at all interested in romantic or sexual relations. But I ENJOY both. And I think shipping Alastor has it's place in fanon.

However, like OP said, there's SO MANY PEOPLE. Who make ship art of Alastor and just toss the aroace identity out the window. And yeah, it does not feel great. A character's worth in fandom is how shippable are they for the most part, and a character having a canon orientation that directly GOES AGAINST THIS while also being the fan favorite is pretty hard to swallow for some. Personally, it's never the shipping itself that bothers me as much as the people who do the shipping with Alastor.

And I mean, for the most part I only have vibes to go off of, but those vibes are typically not great I'll say. Which again, that's just my personal view of it and it's not like it's only people who aren't aroace that ship Alastor that I have this problem with (but the person I'm thinking about does a ship I really don't like and is going by their own relationships as an aroace person. So not sure how much that counts y'know?)

It's more that a character just is never allowed to not be interested in romance or even sex. A character can not be not interested in being intimate. Again, it's not the shipping itself, and it's not the shippers by themselves. It's that the fandom consistently ignores and honestly barely celebrates Alastor’s aroace identity, more the aro part than the ace part.

And while true, somethings people say really sound like they're trying to make it seem like "well it's totally possible for him to get with someone because it's a spectrum". Again, true, but it feels like it's uses as a less genuine reason sometimes and more like an excuse or desperation for the possibility of it being canon (this isn't everyone of course, it's just how it reads sometimes)

And the aro part, yeah it's a bit dubious as I don't think it was ever explicitly stated and if it was it was in past streams. But by the same token, Husk being pan was confirmed in old streams too and there's no question from anyone that that's his canon orientation. In addition, there's still a lot of things that do imply Alastor's romantic orientation being aromantic (like Rosie's comment about Charlie reads as her suggesting their dating not having sex. And referring to Alastor as "ace" might've been using the term as a catch all of aroace as it's often used that way). Again, it's not wrong, but people will more often remind others that Alastor was not confirmed as aro but no correction on him not being confirmed as homoromantic. Or at the least, they just really don't want to take the implications into account. Which again, fair, it's all only implied, but it certainly reads as "deer can't be aro". (As a side note, I cannot stress enough that there's nothing wrong with shipping Al but personally, the fact that one of the most popular ships involves an aroace character and it's rarely in a qpr light [which not a fan of referring a qpr as a ship but I digress and is a personal take], it kinda lowkey feels like if the most popular ship in the fandom was a canonically gay character in a straight relationship if you get what I mean there. Like if a ship like Angel/Vaggie was in the top three ships. There's nothing wrong with it, there is just a level of "hmmm" there for me. But hey, maybe I would change my tune if an actual alastor ship I liked got popular lol)

TL;DR I think shipping Alastor has it's place in fanon and is something I enjoy along with Alastor being purely aroace with no room for romance. There's just a lot of shippers who aren't aroace who seems to throw away or really wanna ignore this aspect of Alastor’s character that's really disheartening. Both aspects of his aroace identity is pushed aside, put into question of authenticity, and is rarely acknowledged or celebrated in the fandom. Hopefully you get what I mean, suck at explaining myself sometimes. And I don't know if OP necessarily agrees with me, but I certainly understand being someone who identifies as aroace (at least currently) and enjoy shipping Alastor while also feeling icky when I see other people ship him sometimes. And we obviously don't need shippers making daily announcements saying "hey I think aroace Al is fin" obviously. People are gonna focus on what they're having fun with the most and that's fair. But an occasional acknowledgment to the identity or a little more love give to aroace Alastor week or whatever it's called in the same level or at least closer level to the ship weeks he has would be nice. Not necessary obviously, and I'm content with the thought that at least the ships aren't really ever gonna be canon (hopefully), but it would be nice.

No hate to anyone, can't stress that enough. I ship Alastor too, it's not like I don't. It just reads like most people would really prefer him not to be aroace so ships can happen and they use workarounds to justify it possibly happening in canon. If you're aroace and uncomfortable with Al ships, you're valid. And if you aren't aroace and still enjoy shipping Alastor too, I'm not gonna say you're invalid for having fun. It's just as OP said, sometimes it feels icky when people toss the aroace identity out the window.

As an aroace person, it's so hard being a Hazbin hotel fan who loves most of the Alastor ships, because on the one hand, people are constantly complaining about how you can't ship him with anyone because he's aroace, which is just untrue, especially since Viv herself said to we can ship whatever we want, let me enjoy my representation how I want, but on the other hand most of the people who make content for Alastor ships aren't aroace and just completely ignore that part of his identity when making ship content, and it is so icky. It's such a struggle, like I just want accurate aroace ship content without being belittled, is that too much to ask 😭😭

[volvolts]

my drawing hand has a cut now i can't really draw great at the moment :(

[fleastinger]

My nerves are really taking over me today

[ray935sworld]

Okay yap time, based on this post and the tags cause it spiked an idea I will never write as a fic but the dear @formulapookie asked so here I am.

Child of divorce AU

Snippet 1

So, David Alonso as the child of Marc's teenage pregnancy, 2013, (somehow he aged 18 years in 10 years or he's just 10 and the celebration are at local tracks, chose for yourself) but Vale left him in the divorce because he thinks he isn't his child.

David grew up with the Marquez family and was too young to really remember his father. But Marc always told him about his dad and made sure that he knew the human side if Vale and not just the hero/ racer image tbe media portrait of him. Marc was never spiteful or talked shit about Vale. Alex sometimes did. He never understood how calm Marc was about the whole thing. After all Vale had left his own child and the man he loved. Julia and Roser obviously despite Vale too, but they weren't vocal about that, especially not near David.

What happened? Easy. Uccio somehow used Vale's 2nd thoughts to get ride of Marc and David. He thought that a kid and a husband (Vale wanted to propose) would only slow Vale down and kill his championship hopes. Obviously he assumed that Marc was using a child and marriage to distract Vale. (cause who wouldn't. NORMAL THING TO DO????)

So Uccio used the jealously and insecurities Vale had to turn him against marc. He commented how David looked/ acted nothing like Vale and how Lorenzo had a good relationship to David who suspiciously looked like him. (David used to wander around in the yamaha garage and the paddock and since Pedrenzo is real in this version, he was used to Jorge and Dani, so he was comfortable around them) And didn't Marc and Lorenzo disappeared once after that particular race where they were particularly touchy on the podium. (they didn't btw but Vale is old and forgets stuff) - maybe with Dovi being the fake-real father, not sure yet. Thlse are just rough thoughts, I'm very open for input. But I thought it'd spike the 2015 divorce if it's with Jorge.

Uccio basically made Vale believe that Marc was only using him to raise an affair child.

For some reason he refused a paternity test and he kept Luca away from Alex/ Marc so they couldn't somehow convince him to get a relative check done. ("I'm not that stupid. I know he isn't mine!")

So Vale isn't in Davids life anymore. He doesn't pay child support either because Marc refuses to ask for something he doesn't need. He can provide for his child just fine and since his dad is at every race, he looks after him. Or he stays with his mother. And Alex is very active in child care too.

Luca regularly checks in with them. He knows that David is his nephew so he tries to be there for him. The first visit post Sepang 2015 was weird. It felt tense, but watching Luca apologize for his brothers behavior and be even more loving as usual put him back on the good side of the Marquez family.

As he grew up, David struggled with the resentment towards his father. On one side, his papa always told him not to hate him, that it wasn't his fault and that he was just hurt. And he wanted to believe him. But he wasn't stupid and he saw the media. He saw how caring and loving Vale was with the academy. He saw him hugging them and taking care of them. He saw him teaching them and have them at the ranch. He saw how fatherly he was with them. For him it was the profe that Vale COULD be a father. He just didn't want to be his father. And that broke him.

Still, he has his papa's hopefull tendencies and refuses to give up that easy. So he tries to get Vale's attention by his archivements (yes I know, validation through awards trope, sorry but RELATABLE). He wants to be noticed. And he wants to gain his sympathy by openly showing his adoration for him. So he imitates his celebration and speaks highly of him. He wants to be noticed. He wants his father to reach out for him and give them a try. Just once, so he can price himself worthy.

But he is still Marc's son first.

And Marc sees all this and it breaks his heart. He knows that David loves him. He knows that he will always be the one David loves the most and the one he trust the most. But seeing him trying so hard for the attention of someone who despises him for just existing, breaks his heart. He wants to be enough for him. He wants David to stop reaching for Vale so he doesn't end up getting hurt. But he knows he never will cause he has his traits.

David and Marc will always keep a door open in their life for Valentino Rossi, even if Vale doesn't sees it.

[planetpedri]

pedri loves y/n but she refuses to believe that she deserves that love or can’t believe it

Let light be light — Pedri Gonzalez.

Pairing: Pedri Gonzalez x Gn!Reader

Summary: After your last relationship left you certain you could never be loved, Pedri is determined to prove you wrong.

Word count: 673

Disclaimer/s: talks of stupid ex boyfriend, hurt to comfort sorta + hopefull ending

A/N: idk what to say this took me a while to come up with but hey! hi! this is the most beautiful piece of literature i’ve ever written.

Pedri’s head was in his hands, elbows resting on his knees to hold said head up. You were so confusing. So, so, so unbelievably confusing. He’d just professed his undying love for you, and all you had to say was, “no, you don’t.”

Taking a deep breath, Pedri’s head lifts, eyes searching your downcast face. “What do you mean, ‘no, you don’t?’” His eyebrows scrunched together, the line beneath them growing deeper with your silence.

You rub your thighs with a sigh, trying to collect yourself. “Pedri, seriously, you don’t—“ a small, breathy laugh, “you don’t mean that.”

He scoffs, rubbing your face in an act of distress. “I don’t mean it, or you don’t want me to mean it?” Your lips pinch tightly. Well, shit.

“You’re sweet, you’re amazing.. you’re one of my best friends, but you cannot mean that!” Your hands lift in disbelief. “I mean, I know you care about me, that’s—you don’t love me.”

Pedri licks his lips, “why not? I mean, how could I not?” He didn’t understand how you could think like that. He’d done everything to show you how much he loved you, yet you were denying it.

Then it clicked.

“Is this about your ex?” Suddenly Pedri wasn’t just upset, he was annoyed, nearly angry. Your piece of shit ex had completely taken away your self worth. It’d taken months for Pedri to get you to move on from him.

But that was nearly ten months ago. He thought you’d gotten out of that mans grasp by now.

You’d grown silent, staring at your clammy hands. “I-“ another beat, “I do… love you. Pedri. And I want to believe that you love me too, but it’s not that easy.”

The mans heart skips a beat, feeling a little relief at the fact that it was at the very least, reciprocated. “Why isn’t it? I do everything for you, I try to do the things I know you love, I try to make you feel worthy of the love you deserve. So why isn’t it easy? Fuck,” he curses your name, “I love you.”

The desperation in his tone made your head shatter. Every ounce of what he felt was prevalent in that singular curse, in the way he said your name, in the way he said those three words.

Everything stopped. Your world stopped. Your heart stopped. Your breathing was stuck in your throat. Eyes flickering to Pedri, you take in the hurt written across his face. Yet even in all that pain, there was an overwhelming amount of love scribbled everywhere in bold.

You understood the depth of his emotions in that moment, your forehead creased, tongue darting out to lick your lips, and your eyes… God your eyes. Pedri couldn’t pull his gaze away. Glossed over and pleading.

You chuckle, “you certainly have a way with words,” A singular tear escaping your right eye. Pedri’s hand hesitantly comes up to your face, gently cupping it as he swipes the tear away with his thumb.

“I just need you to know how much I care.” He speaks softly, as if he was scared you would pull away from his touch. You didn’t. In fact, you leaned into it. A small smile appearing on your puffed lips.

“I think I have an idea.” You hum, moving your head to place a kiss to his palm. The small act of affection sending a swarm of warmth to Pedri’s stomach.

He didn’t think it was possible to feel as deeply as he did, but that small act, that small touch, your words… He was certain he would never feel this deeply for anyone else in his life time. For the rest of Pedri’s life, he would spend it loving you. He would use every second, every millisecond, proving just how worthy of love you really are. And the thing was, you believe it.

All you needed to do, was let the light in. Let light be light, and leave the gloom of the night behind you.

Likes , comments , and reblog’s , are all appreciated. Let me know if you want tagged in any or all of my posts <3

DTS , @halfwayhearted @spidybaby @gadriezmannsgirl !

[hannamoon143]

Silver springs- Fleetwood Mac

Bang Chan with "Silver springs" from Fleetwood Mac for the fall series

Genre: Angst, Hurt/no comfort?

Warnings: metion of crying, none rlly ig

Word count: 1k

Fall series masterlist

a/n: hii, this is based on this req from @asherthehimbo. I didn't know the song before and actually idk if it turned out good or not,help. Well get ur blanket and hot cocoa and have a cozy fall <33

Was it worth everything? To you, oh yes, it was. But chan? No, it wasn’t.

Chan, the man that always worked, always giving his attention to his laptop. You always kind of understood him. You knew how much his job meant to him, because it was the same for your own. And of course you were understanding when he couldn’t come home early somedays, or when he wouldn’t talk to you when he had to finish something. But when this „somedays“ got „always“ you weren’t so understanding anymore.

You weren’t able to count the times you tried to make him see clear. You tried to tell him that of course he could work and do everything he needed to, but maybe at least a bit attention would be nice. At least one time in what, two months? And you knew he understood what you meant. After one night where he came home late and you told him that everything, he was promising to do better, that he would only need to work so much till the comeback, and then he would be fully yours.

The worst thing was, he knew that it was a lie from that moment on. As you were a singer yourself, you probably knew that this was a lie, but you didn’t want to believe it.

It wasn’t that chan was trying to hurt you on purpose. Actually it was the opposite. He didn’t know what to tell you, that wouldn’t make you leaving. So telling a lie that made everything a bit more justified, seemed to be a good solution for the moment. And you wanted to believe him. You stayed quiet when he worked through the nights, sometimes not even coming home, but when he was home, ignoring you entirely.

And then? Well then the comeback was there. All the said work was done, and you were hopefull now everything would go back to… well what you could call normal. But you thought wrong. After that he made up more excuses. Sometimes the boys needed him, sometimes he would have meetings, sometimes he just needed to finish that one track.

And slowly you were growing more and more tired of it. You knew chan was not a bad guy. That was the only reason you didn’t already leave. He was kind, and the people and things he loved mattered more than anything to him. And maybe exactly that was the problem. You never judged him because of that, but from time to time you had to realize that his work more important to him than you. You had wished to at least be just the same important to him as them.

So one night, where you had decided to take things in your own hands with telling him how you felt at a date, he agreed to come and talkt hings out. But what a wonder, he forgot it.

That night you cried yourself to sleep. All the expressed words and feelings in you were simply to overwhelming. But as you did that, you decided that it was the last time, you were doing this because of him. This last night you would be hurting because of him. But tomorrow? That was a new day.

You left. You didn’t say much to him, since he wasn’t really listening to you anyways. But you weren’t a person to break up with someone over text so you just grabbed all your stuff, your key to your shared apartment, and drove to his studio. You went in, laid the key at the table and said you were leaving. The ironical thing was chan didn‘t even look up. He mumbled something of you having to calm down a bit then you two could talk. He was thinking you were just mad at him for working late again and being dramatic. But oh, the fool should have listened to you for once.

Because you, you kept your promise. You didn’t cry again because of him. You were concentrating on your work. You were hearing from stray kids‘ succes since you were in the same branche but that was it already.

And slowly, but firm, you worked your way up. You became more famous, you newest album hitting the charts. You gained lots of fans, succes and more than you could have dreamed off. So basically your name was everywhere now.

But chan, wished it wasn’t. When he finally began to realize that you had left he tried to gain you back for a while but gave up. He tried to tell himself it was alright, when for him it wasn’t. He knew it was his own fault, with the constant lies and excuses, but he wished it ended different. He listened to the records you once made together for fun, every night. And then suddenly you dropped another album, and you gained so much more attention. Chan couldn’t stand it. Your face was haunting him everywhere, on the streets, on social media, and in his dreams. If he would have made time for you, would things have ended different?

Surely he tried to reach out a few times. You weren’t cruel, you always politely declined, or just cut his actions. Because you’d lie if you’d say you didn’t love him. You weren’t sorry for the time spent with him, because at the beginning it made you truly happpy and feel loved. But it just wasn’t right. Maybe things could have been right if both of you tried to change, but you were stubborn. And could you really have changed that much?

Now as time flew by, things were healing for you. You worked to get back the confidence and trust in yourself you lost with chans lies and excuses. You were thinking it was the right decision that you left chan, since you were being more focused on other things, and also having more succes in things you truly loved.

And chan? Well he would move on, after a long time probably. But still, he would never entirely get away from the sound of the woman that loved him.

taglist: @darqlys @lina-linny @0omillo0 @onementally-unstabel-kid

[eyebulb]

Kay, I'm not done w. The whole Stolas thing.. Cus talking to antis piss me off.

Do you not realize that Stolas and Blitz have very similar issues?? That just present itself in different ways (although not entirely)

Both of them have history w. Abuse. Verbal and physical. Blitz has abandonment issues, Stolas has been isolated his entire life. They're both afraid of loneliness and not being enough.

Now.. What about some of their bad habits, hmm? Things people looove to critique.

First up: delusion and deflection

Stolas lives in a fantasy world to escape life. He makes things up in his head and therefor ends up acting to a false reality. He's scared at looking too deeply into things that aren't that great so tries to play it off w. Changing the subject, fleeing, flirting etcetc.

Blitz doesn't live in a fantasy world.. But he's an expert at deflecting. Through humor, anger or just simply ignoring things he doesn't want to hear. Blitz is also afraid of looking too close, but this also include good things lest he fucks it up. This guy is more in the "expect the worst" kinda camp. Cus he does have a version of reality that isn't quite true too. Due to all of his self-hatred among other experiences.

Boundaries..what's that?

Lots of people like to criticise Stolas on this one. His delusion leads to him flirting aggressively and uncomfortably w. Blitz and not seeing when Blitz isn't into it. He also takes Octavia to a place she didn't wanna go despite her saying so, he also talks a little too freely to Blitz in front of her.. (demeaning speech is also included in his uncomfortable flirting)

Blitz.. Is notorious for boundary breaking. He stalks M&M constantly despite them telling him no repeatedly. He also stands in the way of Loona as a protective father which makes her lash out cus she's an adult. (totally get him but still crossing a boundary). He pry into their sex life and does a little bit of inappropriate touching on Moxxie (in a joking manner ofc.. I thought it was hilarious.. But still a boundary). He stalks his sister despite everyone telling him not to. He makes fun of and comes back to scream at a broken hearted Stolas who thought it was over and done after the full moon. (if you wanna try to keep the bird don't make fun of his feelings and break into his home my dude). Not to mention breaking and entering to steal a very valuable book in the first place.

They both have their own reasons for doing this but still.. They're both doing this.

Blames themselves.

Both Stolas and Blitz are very much in the "I'm a piece of shit" camp. As in.. They think very lowly of themselves.

Stolas sings about missing signals, not being enough, being a monster, doing the wrong thing, on several different occasions. He is anxious and insecure in social situations and he tries to hide when he doesn't feel welcome. He has stood up for himself twice but it's rare.

Blitz is self-hatred galore! Which makes him push people away before they can get too close to him lest they see the real him and oh how much worse it would hurt to be rejected then. He made one big mistake that everyone ended up blaming him for and he leans into the role of shitty as much as he can. So he acts out if threatened by treating people around him badly and hurting himself in the process.

They are both their own worst enemy.

Both have fear of loneliness.. However this is a little different.

Stolas has always been lonely... He holds hope of genuine connections and tries desperately to hold on if he finds someone. He is hopefull and falls hard but he doesn't want to force people to stay if they don't want to.

Blitz hasn't always been alone but has been lonely for a longass time. He fears being abandoned since he was pushed away as a child and lost everyone he cared about in one big accident. Blitz also craves genuine connection and hopes for it but is scared of it cus he's lost it before. He wants to get close but not too close.. Except he does want to be too close too. Actually he's quite clingy. But being clingy is scary sooo let's keep our distance.

They both are kinda clingy honestly. Both want to love and be loved. Both are family people. Both are desperate and keep making dumb choices because of it.

There are definitely things that are very different too. Which is a reason to why they don't understand each other yet. But they're starting to.

And I've probably missed things but these are a few similarities in the way they act that makes me wonder why they aren't judged equally..

[bipolbur]

coworker went and got me water thank g od

my acetaminophen wore off but i dont have anything to drink here so i can’t take more 😁😁

[ihavemanyhusbands]

hi its me again, the will brainrot is still strong. i want to protect will so bad, so could you write something hurt/comforty for will. lets say the scenario is that hannibal is incarcerated, everyone knows he is the chesapek ripper and he will never leave prison again. reader helps will move on, will gets a happy end, a hopefull end.

the lay on the bed, will is comfortable, happy, still a bit scared of the future, of his mind but he now has a rock

sorry if that is to weird

Howdy!! Not weird at all don’t worry! I love hurt/comfort so i’ll gladly write this for you!!

——

There were nights were Will was more quiet than others. A month had passed since the shock of Hannibal’s incarceration first hit, and the road to recovery had so far been rocky.

Not that you minded taking on the responsibility of mending his broken heart. Patience and love were needed for such a task, and luckily, you had both in abundance to share.

You brought him some tea to bed, snuggling in close to him. He gave you the barest smile of gratefulness, blowing on the hot water to cool it down.

You ran your fingers soothingly through his hair, setting down your own cup. “How are you feeling?”

“Just thinking,” he said with a sigh, tapping his temple. “You know I spend a lot of time stuck up here.”

You nodded in understanding, not wanting to press him to share his thoughts. Some days he did it out of his own volition, but if he didn’t elaborate, it meant he didn’t really want to.

So instead, you decided to change the subject to try and distract him.

“You know, it’s supposed to be really nice out tomorrow. Maybe we could go for a hike and picnic by the stream,” you said. “I got more film for my camera, too.”

He smiled as he took a tentative sip of tea. “You’re still chasing that cardinal, aren’t you?”

“Little fucker is hard to picture,” you said with an amused huff. “But I think I know where its nest is, so I’m bound to get it eventually.”

He couldn’t help but chuckle, setting down his cup on the nightstand and wrapping his arms around your waist. He lay his head down on your lap, and your fingers buried in his hair once again.

“And when you do catch him? Then what?” He asked softly, though a part of you felt like he was asking himself the question, too.

“Then… I don’t know. It’s hard to say.” You thought about it for a moment. “I guess at first it would be weird not to feel that drive anymore. Maybe I would miss it for a time, but who knows? Maybe I’d see it again and I’d just be content that it happened.”

Will was quiet as he processed your words. You wished you could give him a better answer, but you hadn’t experienced all he had.

“And if it’s gone forever?”

“Then… I’ll have my memories to look back on. As for the rest, I can’t foretell what the future might bring.”

“That’s true,” he said. “It brought me you, and I never could have predicted it.”

You bent down to clumsily kiss the top of his head. He laced his fingers through yours, bringing it to his lips to kiss your knuckles.

“Whatever it is that happens after, we’ll be together,” you promised. “I can tell you that much.”

“I know,” he said, and the relief he felt was immeasurable.

———

[bookdragonideas]

The thing that bugs me about Dragons: The Nine Realms, (ya know, besides literally everything else) is that it completely kills the last message/theme of the original movies and even the original books.

Whether you love Hidden World or hate it you have to admit that the last scene is very close to the last scene in the books as far as tone goes.

The books end with telling us that the Dragons were real and now they're gone. But that someday the Dragons will return and the world will need a Hero and the Hero could be you.

Hidden World ends by telling us that the Dragons are hidden and gone. But the secret is kept and someday the Dragons will return when humanity is ready for them.

Both end with a bittersweet hopefullness. An admittance that the Dragons aren't real anymore, they're hidden and gone and never to be found. But. But someday they'll return. Someday Dragons will be real again. Someday the world will be full of adventures and heros once again. And maybe, just maybe, it could start with you.

And both end with a subtle nudge to do better. Humanity should get better so that someday Dragons can live in peace with us again. You should get better so that someday you can be the hero the world needs.

And nine realms takes the bittersweet hopefullness and that subtle nudge to do better and spits on both and the audiences face as well.

Nine realms says that the Dragons came back, and whoops! You aren't the hero! These random brats are! Nine Realms says the Dragons came back and, Whoops! The world's still not ready for them!

Both books and movies ended in the perfect way. They ended with a promise to the audience. A promise for the audience. The ending made it feel real. Like this could have happened in our world. Like this could happen to us. Like maybe the next time you're in the woods you might find a dragon!

The ending added a sense of realism that made the fantasy more believable. It took a fictional story and made it feel more like a piece of forgotten history. It aided the suspension of disbelief.

Nine Realms rips that apart and reminds you in the worse and harshest terms that this is all fake. It gives a lousy, poorly designed story, with weak characters and cheap animation, and offers nothing narratively.

And the worse thing is... They have no excuse. Other spinoffs could have worked! Other sequels could have worked!

There's a kiddie spinoff show called Rescue Riders and it doesn't insult the source like this. (In fact they had the kids able to speak the Dragons language, so if anything it honors the original books that way)

The Christmas special managed to dodge hurting the narrative by having the dragons barely interact with the people and only coming back for one Viking equivalent Christmas.

A great idea for a Dragons show would be a book adaptation that focuses on Hiccup 1 and Hiccup 2! I would love to see that!

They could do a reboot of the whole thing and stick closer to the books this time.

They could do a show placed inbetween the second and third movie, covering Hiccups first year as chief!

There are so many things they could have done with this franchise. But nope! They chose the WORSE possible option.

And that's why I hate big media.

Anyways, read the original books. They're so good.

[sleepyjaneart]

WWE!Epic the Musical headcanon

Ever since I found this musical out back in July and Jorge's inspiration on fighting games, I've been nursing this idea for WWE headcanons and I need somewhere to vomit all my thoughts out. I have a couple of sketches and references and I'm putting it all under a readmore cause it might be long.

So this all started with Ruthlessness being an absolute BANGER and I love all the animatics that came of it! But I noticed that, in all of them, their Poseidon was always so ANGRY (which, duh) but I also interpreted that Poseidon was also having some vicious fun in a "watch this, I'm about to make this guy's life miserable lol" kinda way. Also, the chorus right at the start chanting Poseidon's name felt so much like one of those super dramatic, fireworks and crowd yelling, WWE entrances that my mind couldn't help but run with the idea.

(this is where I should clarify that I have never watched WWE or wrestling in any form in my life, though it has always looked fascinating to me. I am only going by what I know from cultural osmosis and it would be so cool if people more savvy could add in their ideas to this)

And as much as I wish I could say "I'll just make my own animatic ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ" the fact is that those are incredibly hard to do and I barely draw nowadays so... long text post it is!

So, I'm still playing around with Poseidon's design but I would like to keep it pretty simple. He's one of the major gods with some pretty straightforward domains, so he doesn't need a whole lot to show that he's lord of the seas and earthshaker. I like the idea that the lower in the god ladder it goes, the more work the godlings have to put to make their domain idea come across. Also, with this being WWE inspired, the outfits will look a bit more modern (picking Jorge's idea of more modern = more magical/god-like) but I also don't want them to look too out of place when facing mortals.

Taking inspiration from wrestlers like Mark Henry or athletes like Eddie Hall (especially the latter), I'm imagining a thickset, heavyweight fighter that looks like he could tap earth or water and it would send everything shaking.

The entire song is him talking shit at Odysseus so we need some Randy Savage vibes in there; maybe a big flashy coat and sunglasses to start when he first calls out Odysseus. Also, this immediately comes to mind at that part:

OHH-DYSSEUS OF ITHACAAA!

Do you know who I am?

And thinking of backgrounds and chorus; this is when the laestrygonians gather too so we would put them up as the audience to watch and cheer for their favourite champion and Poseidon is just constantly rilling them up.

He hurt MY SON! And what do we do to those who disrespect us!? (crowd boos)

(Polyphemus would be there with a "Poseidon is my dad" shirt, of course)

During the "POSEIDON!" chorus at the start, it would also be when the stage would be set: giant pillars raising from the water, connecting together to form a fighting ring, the crowd all gathered around it on the bay. A path also shaping towards the ring from where Poseidon stands as he struts through, waving his arms and hyping the crowd, listening in to the noise.

He doesn't even enter the ring right away, he just saunters around it. The first part is a one sided conversation that he's putting up more for the crowd than to Odysseus, him and his crew small and trapped in the middle of this bewildering scene. Eventually he enters and just knocks them around. These mortals are pathetic but they need to be made an example of and the crowd is eating it up.

And then at the "The line between naivete and hopefullness..." is when Poseidon allows some seriousness in as he's climbing up to one of the posts to then jump off for an elbow drop as he whispers "DIE".

And just when he thinks he's saving the best for last, he gets blown back against the chords, and sees Odysseus speeding out of the arena and out of sight. He leans back on the chords, anger and frustration through a smile.

Remember me...

Anyway it's 2am and while I have other characters I'd like to headcanon here, I'm tired and for all I know people think i'm insane for this. This idea bug wouldn't leave me alone and I hope putting it out there will help put it to rest. So If you read all this, thank you!!