#hope you don't mind oh god
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we were fucking ROBBED
#art#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#the only ssr i'll whale for#oh my god i loved this update. holy shit#got some ~compositions~ in mind so i'll get to the more serious stuff later#in the meantime those first couple of chapters genuinely made me question if i was perhaps trapped in my own absurd dream or not#the whole-ass video just DROPPED in there idia how long were you WORKING on that#don't forget to like and subscribe! :)#i demand that all cutscenes be animated in that style forevermore#i also demand that all clothing changes henceforth be done via magical girl transformation phrase#not just in the dreamworld. all of them.#DREAM~~~~~FORM~~~~~CHAAAA~~~~NGE#also savanarook was so unexpectedly precious! i want to protect him.#augh there's SO MUCH and i am SO PLEASED with all of it#anyway i guess we're going to be going through everyone's dreams after all!#and it's going to be a THING!!!!!!!! CLOSURE AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE FOR EVERYONE#(insert 'it's all coming together' meme)#man i hope 'please watch this video' remains a running gag it's AMAZING#also i cannot believe#i cannot BELIEVE#that the plan is actually literally#defeat malleus by inviting everyone else to the party except him#HIS ULTIMATE WEAKNESS#malleus doesn't get to be in smash bros
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au - tim sneaking out of jason's room one night at the manor and accidentally locking eyes with dick who is sneaking out of bruce's room at the exact same time, breakfast is very awkward the next morning
(i did think of having it be jason instead of tim but honestly jason has 0 shame and even less issue outing himself if it means fucking with bruce and, to a lesser extent, dick)
i'm cackling I love these types of things so much. they're so silly. sometimes we deserve mindless crack for these ships. have a *very* low effort ficlet bc this just makes me snort, enjoy <3
Dick closed Bruce's door as quietly as he could. Usually, he didn't have to sneak around when he slept with Bruce. But the temporary room Bruce had given Jason in the manor was just down the hall, and Dick didn't feel like looking Jason in the eye if he walked out of Bruce's bedroom in the morning at the wrong time.
Just because he was pretty sure Jason knew, didn't mean he needed confirmation and confrontation.
Dick had almost caved to staying in bed with Bruce when Bruce tried to pull him back down, but he kept some level of wits about him, prying Bruce's arm off of him and giving him a final kiss on the cheek before heading for the door.
The one thing Dick did allow himself, though, was wearing one of Bruce's shirts instead of his own. It was a size too large on him but smelled safe and comforting. Dick breathed a quiet sigh of relief when the door latched silently. He let go of the handle, turning around to creep off to his own bedroom in another wing.
And found himself staring at another figure.
With all of the lights off and only faint moonlight streaming through the windows, Dick couldn't tell who it was, at first. His reaction was embarrassing no matter who it was, jumping nearly a foot backward and clutching a hand over his chest.
He was a goddamn vigilante. This was just embarrassing.
The other person wasn't nearly as shocked as Dick, but they stood perfectly still, staring with wide eyes that faintly reflected what little light illuminated their face. Dick squinted, leaning forward to see who it was.
"Tim?" Dick hissed, trying to keep his voice to a whisper. Bruce had fallen asleep and if Dick woke him up now, he was never going to get the stubborn bastard back to bed.
Tim, still looking like a deer in headlights, just blinked at Dick.
"What are you doing up this late?" Dick asked. They'd all agreed to take tonight's patrol off, letting Babs, Helena, Dinah, and Zinda handle it in exchange for tackling the massive human trafficking ring in the morning with fresh eyes and cleared heads. The job was the only thing that had gotten Jason to agree to work with them in the first place. Bruce barely managed to strong-arm Jason into sleeping in the manor, with a decent amount of guilting from Alfred.
Jason, who was in the room only a few feet away from Dick. The room that Tim's hand was resting on the doorknob of.
"That's Jason's room," Dick said slowly.
Tim just nodded. "I know." He wasn't whispering like Dick was, but his tone remained impossible to read.
He just saw Dick walk out of Bruce's room. Had he put it together? It was Tim, after all. if he hadn't yet, Dick assumed he only had a couple minutes before it dawned on Tim.
"What were you doing in Jason's room?" Dick frowned. If he focused on Tim, it could keep the focus off of him for as long as possible. Dick tried to ignore how fast his heart was beating.
Tim's expression was hard to make out in the dark. "We were talking about the case." Still, his tone remained entirely neutral.
Too neutral, for Tim.
"At two am?"
"Well, what were you doing?" Tim huffed slightly when he said it, folding his arms over his chest.
He was shirtless, Dick just realized.
Shirtless and coming out of Jason's room.
"I was-" Dick stumbled over his words, choking as he tried to come up with an alibi. "We were talking about the-"
"I already used that excuse, pick your own," Tim deadpanned. Dick was pretty sure he also rolled his eyes. "I've known about you and Bruce for years, you know. You don't have to pretend."
The noise that came out of Dick's throat was almost as mortifying as the realization that not only did Jason likely know, but so did Tim.
"It... okay it has not been years," Dick's face was hot and he was glad it was too dark for Tim to see his blush. "I mean- it's been a while but not years-"
"Whatever you say." Tim shrugged, sounding unconvinced. "There have been feelings between you two for years, close enough for me."
If Dick died, right here, in this hallway in front of Bruce's door, he hoped the cause of death would be put down as homicide instead of natural causes. Because every word from Tim's mouth made another piece of Dick die inside, just a little.
"It's none of your business either way." Dick tried to stand up straight to sound more in control of the situation, clearing his throat.
"Trust me, I don't want it to be my business."
Dick would've laughed, if this was happening to anyone but him.
"What about... you and Jason?" Dick asked carefully.
Tim shifted on his feet. "What about it? I told you, we were talking about the case."
"Right." It was Dick's turn to roll his eyes. "In his bedroom, at two am, without your shirt?"
Tim stared at Dick for a long, torturous moment. A moment that made Dick agree with Tim, about not wanting to know any sordid details.
"I'm going to bed," Tim said suddenly, turning away from Dick. "Goodnight."
Dick had a thousand more questions he wanted to ask. How Tim and Jason even got together, when it happened. Last Dick knew, they could barely stand to be in the same room.
But Tim was walking away at an alarmingly brisk pace and Dick just sighed. He was too tired and mortified about his own secrets to chase Tim down for an impromptu interrogation that would just end up embarrassing them both more.
Maybe it was best for Dick's sanity if he didn't know the specifics.
Dick didn't consider how awkward it would be until he was standing in the kitchen, staring at Jason bent over a cup of coffee.
Did Jason know Dick knew? It didn't seem like he did, but he had always had a good poker face.
When Tim ambled into the kitchen and grabbed overnight oats from the fridge, he didn't even look at Dick. He seemed to be pointedly avoiding it, sitting as far away from Dick as he could at the oversized dining room table.
All while Dick couldn't seem to stop staring.
"Your cereal is going to get soggy," Jason muttered, and it took Dick a moment to realize Jason was talking to him. "At least eat it before trying to explode my head with your mind, or whatever your staring problem is."
"I'm not-" Dick stuttered. he shut himself up with a mouthful of cereal when Cass gave him an odd look.
Would she be able to figure it out just from his body language?
Dick had never fully understood the lengths her ability to read people could go. he looked away from her and stared at a random spot on the table, trying to eat at a normal pace.
Bruce was the last to wander into the kitchen. He squeezed Dick's shoulder as he walked by, making Dick jump. It was an innocent enough touch that no one would question, but all Dick could think about was the brief look from Tim before he quickly averted his eyes again.
The silence around the table was going to eat Dick alive. He started eating cereal faster.
"Oh for fuck's sake," Jason broke the tension, throwing his head back and slamming an empty mug down onto the table. "Everyone knows you two are fucking, alright?" He gestured between Dick and Bruce. "Stop being so goddamn weird about it, you're acting like there's a bomb in the room."
Bruce choked on his coffee. "Jason." He tried to sound reprimanding, but his voice was a few octaves too high.
Dick threw his hands in the air. "I knew you knew about that, but I didn't know about you and Tim until last night so excuse me for feeling a little awkward."
"You didn't know about what?" Bruce nearly yelled, spinning around to face Jason.
"Damnit, Dick!" Tim groaned, putting his head in his hands.
Jason just scoffed, pointing a fork at Bruce. "Oh don't even give me that self-righteous bullshit-"
Their argument went back and forth while Tim just rubbed his temples, muttering to himself and glaring at Dick.
Worst of all, Dick was pretty sure Cass was giggling next to him under her covered mouth.
Dick just sighed and ducked his head, dutifully waiting for the ground to open up and swallow him whole.
So much for his breakfast.
#necrotic writings#brudick#jaytim#batcest#i'm serious this is so low effort i wrote it in tumblr#didn't even make a doc for it in my notion#don't ask me how long it is idk#like 1k probably#and it's not edited#it's just crack man.#a fun lil palette cleanser between all the whump and angst.#i'm supposed to be ASLEEP oh my god#nobody percieve me.#this is mostly too crack for my personal tastes#but the ask was cute and it took me a half an hour to write so like#i don't mind stepping out of my comfort zone to give the ppl what they want.#i checked it's 1.5k.#which for me is *so* low effort#but i hope it brings you joy anyway anon!!!#this sat in my inbox for a couple days bc i had other things going on so#hope you didn't mind the wait i'm sorry ily <3#i prefer dead dove type asks but the fluff and crack will always be fun too!
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Idk what it is but I saw this on Pinterest and it immediately reminded me of when you drew catpoleon 😭
i was JUST working on your previous request, and then i received a notification for this one, so i decided to give you a little animation to make up for your waiting ⭐
i love them
#i hope you don't mind me answering both of your asks at once :_D#also tumblr absolutely killed the quality of this gif oh my god#french revolution#frev#napoleon bonaparte#augustin robespierre#bonbon robespierre#bonbonaparte#bonbonparte#my art
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i'm so extremely irrationally annoyed by people not knowing what various terms mean and using them incorrectly like i feel like that's such an asshole thing to care about but oh my god stop
#the saddest part is this post was inspired by the term hard launch. again#many other things also though it's not just that#and yes i knowwwww the hard launch debate is tired#and it's not even an important term it's a fucking meme#well it is a term but yknow. it's hardly academic#but i just saw someone say that if you just know how to infer things you'll understand dnp have already hard launched#girl 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#world's most unserious and unimportant topic I'm Aware#i don't even mean it in a way of like 'they haven't hard launched yet i hope they do soon' like what the fuck ever#but oh my god why do you think the term soft launch exists.#why would you have two terms if they're the same am i losing my mind here#does no one have the ability to think at all#oh my god???????#this is so stupid 😭😭😭 i need to worry about real issues i know i know im aware#but can everyone stop being DUMB#fucks sake#sorry.
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JJK Appreciation Week ↪ Favorite Character | Kento Nanami
#jjkedit#hyeahjujutsu#jujutsu kaisen#jujutsukaisenedit#nanamikentoedit#nanami kento#*gif#*gifs#Me minding my own business going on Instagram and seeing an edit of this man bleeding: oh my god who is he#i am glaring at the gaps tumblr why do you hate gifmakers so much#anyways i don't know if i'll be able to do the whole week#i'm hoping yes#but we shall see#if not this week#then i'll try next week
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hi i’m pulling an all nighter because my sleep schedule is fucked & this is one of the many antics i have been up to (based off of our extremely normal convo ab mattsun)
(mattsun has never touched a single work by kafka in his entire life don’t listen to a thing that man says. that being said im swiping right) this is the most terrible thing i have created to date, but it had to be done.
okay i’m sorry i’ll go back in my kennel nobody look at me 😔..
MITCH I'M ON THE FLOOR I'M IN THE GROUND I'M NOW ROAMING THE STREETS I'VE GNAWED THROUGH THE BARS OH MY GOD???????????
I AM YOUR BIGGEST FAN MITCH HOLY SHIT!!!!!
#my jaw hit the floor#I hope you don't mind I saved this bc I will be looking back at this every 2 hours bc omfg#TEARS ARE STREAMING DOWN MY FACE#mooties <3#mitch !!!#I am mitch's number one fan idc idc idc#oh my god
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Lmao okay wait. I got asked that question about Feyre/Bryce/Aelin and I went down a lil rabbit hole and somehow ended up on a subreddit of people arguing over who would win in a fight if it were Feyre vs. Aelin.
And I am CACKLING right now because it seems like the bulk of people on that thread think Aelin would win, and the people who think Feyre would win are SO. UPSET. Like they are BIG MAD that anyone would think Aelin would win hahahahahaha
I'm cackling. I can't breathe I'm laughing so hard omfg. People really do 100% project themselves onto Feyre. They really think they ARE Feyre!!!!! I'm crying. Send help I can't breathe 😂😂
#lmao it's so stupid#idek how I ended up here#but I am just CRYING at these people LOSING THEIR MINDS 😭#these are old threads to be fair#but it's funny as fuck seeing everyone get so butthurt omg#what a nice little comedic rabbit hole that was#10/10 would highly recommend#the funniest part is that the people who think aelin would win are conceding to certain points#but the people who think feyre would win are losing their minds ahhaahahahaha#i'm being such a dick today my bad you guys#i don't even have an excuse for being a dick#my b my b#update: someone said feyre wins against aelin because she can wear a cruel mask#i genuinely can't stop laughing pls send help#(I feel the need to clarify that I literally don't care about this debate but BOY OH BOY...#(...am I having a TIME seeing ppl who think they ARE Feyre argue about this ahhh this is so fun omg)#oh god I hope a feyre or feysand stan sends me hate for this post#PLSSSSSS
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hyperfixations really will have you imagining a 2 hour video essay on some white guy video game character huh 😪
#HELP#thank GOD i don't have video editing capabilities i would be SO annoying#anyways there's a guy on youtube who does FASCINATING breakdowns of video game villains#i watched one on miquella eldenring and i watched one on osmund saddler re4 (2023)#i would LOVE to do a villain analysis on chronos hades2game as well. he's a fascinating villain to me#well. i have WRITING capabilities. hmmmmm#character analysis is so fun to do frfr i love examining the little guys in my video games like they're specimen#I COULD DO ONE ON LINK BOTW#(he's also a fascinating character to me idk)#help i'm discovering my true power and i don't have time for this!!!!!#i also want to do one on the character development leon has in the re2 and 4 remakes because i think its really fascinating#and i do not see it talked about enough. probably because he's peak male fantasy but i'm shaking him violently#PLEASE I NEED TO TALK ABOUT PERSONAL CHANGE AND ITS RELEVANCE IN RESIDENT EVIL 4 (2023)#ITS EVERYWHERE literally the main antagonist is trying to convince you to join him and give up control of your body#and there's this underlying narrative about how people change over time and a lot of it from leon's perspective is because of trauma/PTSD#that he's running from!!! he's not really handling it and it's coming back around again and it shows!!#he's got this sort of drive to save as many as he can but literally not long after his introduction as a character there's this really harsh#reality check that it's not possible to save everyone. but leon keeps trying and he keeps failing#and these failures stay with him into re4 and throughout that game too.#HHHHHHHRG this game is so good for no reason why is it so GOOD AUGH#anyways :) i'll stop losing my mind over this one specific blond dude in my tags now#oh god i hope no one sees these tags <- in denial#i really could go on for 2 hours about leon kennedy huh#hell i could do it for melinoë too. AND SHE ONLY HAS ONE GAME
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aurghhh ok still rewatching '97 and the way guts and casca only have the room to breathe and really come to understand and care for each other in griffith's absence because he has such a strong hold over them both.... and the way their mutual dedication to him is what causes them to bicker for years (casca thinks he's not serving him well enough, guts thinks she doesn't get that he cares/how much he cares, casca's jealousy over griffith's feelings for guts, how he won his heart without even trying or being aware of it or doing anything with it) and is also a big part of what brings them together (earlier when guts deviates from the plan to save griffith and she commends him, in the cave casca opening up about griffith and her's past, showing that vulnerability, while it's mostly confrontational, leads to guts kinda getting her better, and his efforts to save and protect her (falling off the cliff with her, taking on the 100 men so she can escape, encouraging her to return to griffith so she can help him because it's what she feels she's meant to do (her dream, the direction in life guts shares and yet is questioning because of griffith's speech at the fountain, whether or not it's enough to serve him if it means he'll never be a true friend in griffith's eyes because he's not an equal), supporting the idea of her being with griffith/being his most important person like he won't because he doesn't view it as a competition like she has been since day one) leading to her realizing that he's kind of not that bad a guy and they have a lot more in common that she thought. and how the bonfire of dreams conversation is guts opening up to her in kind, the answer to her talking about how griffith saved her, how she feels. how neither of them ever call it love but it's something they know they both have for griffith. how it's something they're beginning to have for each other, different in ways they couldn't put a word to. because they're equals this time. the way griffith kind of becomes less and less important as they find other reasons to live and fight, as they become less singularly obsessed with him. how griffith is unable to stand it, guts' personhood, that agency and peer-to-peer equality he claimed to want (and perhaps truly did) that disappeared guts from his life, his plans, his side. how it barely even matters to griffith how casca changes because he never wanted her like she wanted him. god i can't fucking stand their shakespearean nonsense drama (<- hopelessly in love with their interpersonal dynamics)
#god they're the only healthy part of this unholy mind-palace love triangle/throuple aren't they#they could have been the worst qpr/throuple in your social circle. like just insufferable when they're not getting along#if griffith hadn't [oh god oh fuck oh jesus christ] all over everything even remotely good in his life anyway#poor casca's in love with a gay man and then falls for his not-quite-boyfriend and when not-quite-boyfriend reciprocates said gay man fucki#g. Does The Eclipse Stuff. at least partially to get back at you two. oh my godd#i'm sorry i'm so not normal about them. it's starting to leak out into the blog bc i'm finally having a Berserk Moment since starting tumbl#but whewwwww. gotta get this outta my system#hope this wall of text makes sense oops <3#berserk#berserk 1997#how do i even tag their thang. their disastrous just horrible agonizing 3 guy dynamic. hm.#gutsca#griffguts#don't even know if anyone tags for griffith and casca. fair because 1) he raped her. yikes 2) he just straight up isn't into her#and i don't know if there's a tag for the three of them but trial and error led to nothing#but i wanna talk about their dynamic. their. (gestures wildly) whatever. it's not about thinking griffith should kiss anyone it's about lik#the agony. the pining and the torment and whatever miura so beautifully crafted for me specifically. sheesh#hope it's clear that i Don't Want Them To Be An Uwu Little Polycule Bc Casca Should Not Be In A Cutesy Throuple With Her Rapist#it's more that i think they kind of are or almost are part of this (gestures wildly again). Thing. with each other and i wanna talk about i#same with griffguts like oh man they should NOT be in a relationship. but i have this deep intense Need to study them and frankly they're#kind of crazy about each other for a while. like they care about each other so so much it's crucial to all three of their characters.#so it's kind of unavoidable. and i wanna talk about it. and have this read by people who also want to talk about it. yeah? yeah.#(and yeah i think griffith raping casca was about her and guts. like 'fuck you for making him okay with leaving me' type of vibe. even#though it wasn't her fault he's just. god. but it sure as hell isn't Mostly about casca because griffith's making eye contact like the Whol#time with guts. he makes him watch. it's just. shooooooooooo aughhhhghhghh fucking. jesus christ. that or it's the fear that his two most#important pawns are going to leave him Together and he just. can't deal with that. especially after the torture internment thing.#he's so weak and he was so close to his dream and now it's falling apart and they're leaving him and he can't even move. it's about making#damn sure they can't escape him or forget him ever again.#or maybe it's even a 'you can't have her she's mine' to guts but it's still largely like. spiteful/about possessing her as a soldier/human#because i don't think you could convince me it's about having her as a lover or about controlling/hurting/possessing her body.)
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WE STILL GOT ARCANEEEEE
#ambessa saying mel is safer as their enemy..... OOF we are going to get her side of the story this season#one thing i dont like is that they are really hauling ass in the first episode like damn. cait and vi are too quickly on the way to raid imo#i cannot velieve my fucking eyes..... vi dropping her gauntlets to keep kissing akdhaksjsk and OF COURSE cait is the one to do it OF COURSE!#were is thay gif of the butch watching football and raising her fist bc they scored that is me right now aldjsksnsl#vi saying please dont change bc she is seeing the signs is so AJDHAKSJK the break up will end lives..... i see why vi becomes an alcoholic#salo and cait wlw mlm hostility for reals#ambessa seeing cait as a rival the second she does her job and uses her military power.... yeah bc she has a real goal not just power grab#jayce fucking up vi and cait by messing with the arcane omg they are IN DANGER!!! JAYCE STOP FUCKING UUUP!!!!#OH MY GOD CAITLYN!!!!! HITTING VI ENOUGH FOR HER TO CRY OH MY GOOOOOD!!!#THERE IS JUST SO MUCH AKDJSKSKAL THE CHILD!!!! JINX GOT A NEW SISTER NOW VI GOODBYE#also vi wasnt going to kill her and jinx told the child to stop.... the only person there willing was cait and look at her.....#also sevika vs cait.... oof.... and jinx fighting vi BARE FISTED!!! GIRL!!!!#what can i fucking say like god.... “is her blood through your veins” “i thought you were different”#jinx is right i hope they got to you know before all of this akdjaksjsk.... christ#also amazing how vi told cait to don't change and she did it 10 minutes later.... girl you are in for it...#i think they just dont understand each other yet but they are in such a situation that they keep changing every 2 minutes so they never do#does that make sense loke ofc cait changed when her mother died and vi did too bc she accepted that her sister was gone#so in a way cait changed and vi stayed the same.... cait liked her “change” but vi did not like cait#ambessa bringing caitlyn to.be a general oh my gooooood her stress is going to get thru the roof like she doesn't have enough to deal with#its bc she knows she can control her... of course she offered her army to her.... and she doesn't mind putting her in danger#AND SHE DID ORCHESTRATE THE ATTACK!!!! OOOF#MEL PLEASEEEE TALK TO CAITLYN PLEASEEEE#like of course she disappears RIGHT NOW!!!#my god... also vis drinking buddy has left too.... of course.... you're good man....#talking tag#watching arcane#watching arcane season 2
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@conjuringink
“Alright, alright!! Just let go of me...!!!” Tartah squirms as best he can to wrest the man’s hands from his shoulders. He tries not to make a scene, but this isn’t the most ideal scenario to be placed in. Tartah does know him, although given the circumstances, he is not the most enthused to see him here. Of all available options, depending on Qifrey most of all doesn’t imbue him with the most confidence.
“Jeez, I’m not helpless, you know.” He can manage fine! He’s done his best thus far!! He would love to prove it, but it’s like Qifrey has a sixth sense to any potential harm to young witches-in-training. He barely gave Tartah any time. Still, he has his own place to stay, so it’s not like he’s stuck with Qifrey. Silver linings, or something of the sort. He just needs to brace himself for whatever kind of overbearing nonsense he's about to be thrown into.
#conjuringink#conjuringink / 001.#please tell me you find their dynamic as funny as i do#the way tartah very obviously DOESN'T like him is hysterical to me#but i imagine qifrey like quickly grabbing him by the shoulders like oh god i have to make sure he's ok or nolnoa will kill m--#i didn't want a huge exposition dump or anything bc if tartah spotted him first he would probably run the Other Way FDHJSKFH#so best just to put him in a situation hope you don't mind!!!#i imagine qifrey is like. the last person he wants to see right now (after experiencing horrors that are definitely not approved by adults
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Daily November crying sessions start today
#why. who. how. how tf does my professor think it's okay to assign 4 major assignments in the same amount of weeks + 4-6 readings every week#all of which are ~20 pages.#i've got all that to do and another big assignment for a different class. plus the weekly readings and reflections for that one.#and i have work.#i've stupidly decided to volunteer for a thing on saturday in the hopes of bulking up my resume + rubbing elbows with the administration.#and i have a medical thing on friday and i'll be looped out and likely will have to sleep half the day. probably won't get ANY work done.#what else..... some fairly easy stuff for my other class thank GOD. but a lot of reading and preparing for a few big essays.#november is the month i hate the fucking most. i always lose my mind in november. and no wonder!!!!!!#meanwhile people are bugging me to hang out. i will be in a student-coma until approx. the first week of december. see you then. peace.#oh and my BIL + SIL sitting me down and showing me all their europe honeymoon photos for 2 HOURS last night is also not helping my mood.#fuck you lol#like i'm happy for you and nice photos but also? Fuck You.#if i can offer some dark humour though.....#my fic axis exists because of a legitimate smidge of insanity i experienced last year. it shifted the way i looked at the world and at grie#sooooo i wonder what kind of fic my mind will crank out this time?#i don't think i'm at risk of losing it this year though. doesn't seem that way. but we'll see!#i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health f#rst i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental health first i can write/draw good things without sacrificing my mental heal
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i keep rewatching those last few minutes. maaaaan it's gonna be a long wait till s3
#text post#also there is a cut between lg looking incredibly somber and cxs smiling at him#so it's possible he changed his expression#maaaaan#s3 is gonna give us the overseas trip which im pumped for#but also like. are we gonna get to see cxs's original death#are we gonna get crying lg#are we gonna get confrontation? cxs finding out? them fighting?#god can you imagine the fight though#lg won't fight back i bet#he'll just take it all in#he deserves it#he knows what he did was wrong#but he did it for him#OH MAN THIS SHOW GIVES ME TOO MANY FEELINGS#god i hope they give us a pv on tuesday#please......#i'll be capping the hell out of it if they do#god if we get ANY of the overseas trip in the pv i'll lose my mind#i don't think we will though#GOD#maybe just.... a date?#that's soon?#please?
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This got long but I'm fucking pissed. Content warnings for abuse mentions, trafficking mentions, discourse about discourse to prevent future discourse, "proshipper" nonsense, grooming, etc.
This is gonna be the one time I open my mouth about this because haha, hey, years of internalized fear and shame. I'm trying to lay down a boundary and that comes with so much anticipated backlash.
I do, for the record, have a background in Yelling about the crossroads of media/culture/literature/academia/games studies/trauma/capitalism. Which is a wide range and we can thank my comp exams in the PhD for that.
Since this is tumblr I also gotta just do the fuckin' disclaimer before anyone else feels like doing the "if you don't publicly condemn xyz then I'm gonna make your day worse" thing:
I don't participate in fandom and I don't ship things. I'm not about to defend specific instances or pairings because everything exists in subjective contexts, and texts especially so. But also, I have graduate degrees in English and text analysis and lived experience with CSA and trafficking that went on for a long fucking time. And I am very, very tired of being called the worst things you can call a trauma survivor because I don't care about shipping.
I'm not anti-ship, or whatever. I am not down for imposing my own trauma, feelings about it, and opinions on others in order to censor their art. Call me a proshipper if you want -- ignoring the part where I don't write fanfic or participate in fandom -- because I agree with them. I condemn CSA/CSEM, abusers, predators, the entire evil side of humanity but people who write fic aren't that. Neither are people who read it, even the most problematic of the problematic.
People can write, as fiction, as fantasy, whatever they want. There are no real people being harmed. I can distinguish between those things and, again, am a survivor of some very intense abuse. You're welcome to disagree. I'm fine with that if you're fine with me. I don't believe in absolutes when it comes to topics this complicated (and it is). I spent years on the opposite side, actually, because just the MENTION of things like incest or age gaps triggered me. And then I would do the same and get mad at the people writing it.
This is not healthy and it is not healing on either side of the argument.
But also in treating everything like such a monolithic moral purity test, where you're either good or deserve to suffer -- a test that I fail, because there is no room for things like Complexity -- you just spent a lot of time telling me I'm as bad as the people who trafficked me. Because of fiction. Because of fake things happening to fake people, based on an idea in someone else's head, people's real harm and real trauma means we're as bad as their abusers. That is so heavily the implication in so much of this talk. If I don't disregard my degrees, my training, my own experiences, my own principles and take a stand against people shipping things on the internet, I must basically be a predator!
That is violent and fucked up.
I don't want you around here, so block me and get it over with.
I (like a lot of people with trauma histories) use fiction and writing to process and heal. I don't even post them. A lot of that writing, and being able to seek it out, was helpful. It was a connection to someone else out in the world who maybe understood a little bit of the pain and fear and confusion.
There's a difference between fiction and real abuse. And the "but predators use it to groom vulnerable children" angle barely holds water -- predators use anything. Mainstream TV shows. Vending machine snacks. Gumballs. Access to a remote control to change a channel. A lot of things are more accessible and friendly to kids than making them read. Advocating for censorship, especially in today's political hellhouse, is not actually helpful. It just feels really righteous.
Which doesn't mean there aren't those trying to leverage fic to "normalize" abuse and grooming, I absolutely believe they have and do, but that does not justify externalizing your pain and trauma onto others, or policing them, or trying to take control back by claiming an imaginary moral high ground and pinning other people to it. It also doesn't mean that censoring the internet of all things icky to you saves the world, the kids, anything. It just means they'll find easier avenues, of which there are already so many. It also means you're all just attacking people from a place of presumed hurt rather than compassion, curiosity, anything like that.
So.
Anyone whose stance on this entire thing boils down to "you agree with me or you're a secret pedo enabler," you need to leave.
I'm happy to talk about it if you want! I don't think people trying to draw those lines are right but I think they're well-intentioned, until they start calling me shit that triggers entire mental collapses. You know. In the name of saving the children. Which hasn't been a red flag for conservatism and oppression for hundreds of years or anything, either. How many kids do you think are protected by shutting down places they can actually go and talk about the darkest shit in their heads? How many of us just suffer unbearable pain and isolation because the culture around us is shame-based and if you think about things like that, you're Just Like Them?
This ain't about protecting kids, basically. This discourse never has been. It's about being righteous and never examining why that is. It's about lashing out and displacement. I think the concern for victims is real, like I said, but that concern can translate to actual, real help elsewhere. People are DOING the work to make the internet safer. This? Is not that work.
You are responsible for how you manage your trauma and pain, and that has to include not taking it out on others. Full stop. Even when you disagree. Even when everything in your brain is going DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS DANGER ALARMS WE MUST STOP THIS because someone ships something you think is wrong or uncomfortable. It sucks, and it sucks we have to do that, and it sucks we have to learn how. None of us asked to. None of us wanted to end up here. It's not victim blaming to say you're accountable for your own recovery.
But while you are here, maybe consider that the name/shame/blame model hasn't been working either. For hundreds of fucking years. We know shame doesn't motivate people to care, or learn.
But especially when you're weaponizing shame against trauma survivors for recognizing their own experiences in literature, art, stories. We all struggle with toxic shame. Using it against people until they agree with you?
Holy shit just look in the mirror one day, I guess. But block me first.
#sorry but i really am done being called this shit#by people who don't know me or my history and shouldn't feel entitled to knowing it so i can#the things saving people are being done in places other than twitter and tumblr#pass some bullshit binary test in their brain#by people who know what they're doing#not oh my god can't overstate this#not by attacking traumatized people because you think you got this equation figured out#thousands of years of philosophy and art but yes you found the answer#and it's conveniently so simple and straightforward!#sorry I'm obviously triggered and going#...none of these are new opinions for the record#talking just to change my mind is not gonna happen#like please just go i can't deal and i hope yall find less toxic and actually actionable ways to help people at risk#the look on my therapist's face when i had to be like children are cyberbullying me for liking fucked up fiction#because no one off the internet thinks like this
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#can i just move on why am i sso fucking sad and sick oh my god#like of course i worry still if my ex likes or hates me but i wisj it didn't occupy my mind to the point wjere i start questioning my entire#fucking life again#like wjat am i to you. of course it cjanges all ghe time because our relationship was complicated#but i could never hate you no matter how terrible things were#god. idek. idek i'm so sad rn HAHA . fuck my fucking life!!!!!' seriously#i miss you i know our distance is good but i hope you're okay and i'm sorry#i wanna send you my package so bad but i'm scared of hitting you up . . Jahaha. bdbfjxjdh#i don't wanna disrupt your peace
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#sudden lowkey vent post 'cause i saw that shit just right now#imagine like. you're the person who goes and tells their “best friend” that they are simple entertainment for you.#that you're sick of their noise (your friend is going through bad times and it's HARD on them and yk it)#they shut up. time passes#and even after all the distancing. you come to that “friend”#and start your shit. and then complaining how unresponsive they are#bro. you don't even tell me what's the deal. you just dropped the fact and blamed me for the simple polite-but-not-deep response#why should i fucking care? so many times you pissed me off and now what? i should care about person who doesn't mind#shutting up their “best friend” in that manner?#omfg it was always like this. when it's yours problems and triggers it's serious and you're dying drinking blah blah blah#and when it's mine it's not that bad/cope/it isn't serious/just ignore that or advices of which i didn't ask#never asked#they doesn't even work. have you tried them before saying at the first place?#when all you want is a simple “it'll get better i promise” and you don't get it even when you fucking ask. directly. humiliating isn't it?#four years of eating shit. i guess i'm done. sometimes it's better to be alone than to be w someone like this#still haven't got enough strength to say a direct bye to this moron tho. well i hole i'll find it soon#*i HOPE it's HOPE oh god i think i should get some sleep
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