#hope this is good tho

[robiinurheart33]

Soap being jealous of roach? (TW for slight panic attack(?), intrusive thoughts and gore) - angst no comfort

Everyone knows how hard soap feels. He loves with his whole being; he loves with shoulder pats, confident and casual small talk, tiny gestures that mean the world to the people around him.

What everyone probably does not know is that soap feels hard for every single emotion. Anger is simple enough to see: steadfast disobedience at clear orders, growling at choices he doesn’t agree with, bubbling up in his throat to explode sometimes in the form of a punch.

Empathy is one of the things soap chooses to push down at times - it’s hard to do what he does if he thinks about the people involved too hard. Every opportunity he allows himself to connect emotionally with the people around him; he does.

Jealousy however; isn’t a foreign emotion to him. Contrary to what people may see on surface level, soap is not positive. He can laugh and smile, but he can just as easily shout and sneer. Soap isn’t proud of this, and he despises feeling this way almost every single day. There is a reason he’s so friendly all the time - the constant and very real fear of being replaced. He has to leave his mark, he has to be remembered. When he dies, what will he show for it? Will people remember him? Will people miss him? Will people even care?

So when this…roach shows up, how exactly is he supposed to react? He tries really hard; he really really does, but he knows it’s all futile in the end. Soap can handle him having inside jokes with Price and Gaz, Price looking at him exactly like how he sees all of 141, with pride and a trusting gaze. Soap quietly seethes. Gaz has inside jokes with roach, clapping him on the back and giving him a noogie, like roach is his little brother. Soap bites the inside of his cheek and it explodes with a stinging metal taste. But he cannot help the sickening jealousy that finally bursts in his head when he sees the soft crinkle of ghost’s eye when roach smiles at him.

What a fuckin’ cockroach.

He blinks, looking away quickly to take a sip of his beer, the lights in the bar suddenly too bright, the non-stop chattering suddenly too loud; and everything is crashing down at once. Everything is wrong. This is just wrong. He pushes it down though, smiles just the right way, laughs just in the right pitch. He couldn’t resist resting an elbow on ghost’s shoulder though, placing it there like a signal. See? He allows me to do this. Only me. I’m closer to him than you are.

Only when ghost finishes his bourbon, he picks up roach’s drink and takes a sip. Soap’s eyes widen slightly, only conveying a tiny ass fraction of the pure surprise that explodes in his body, locking him rigid. He glances between Price and Gaz, acting as if this is completely normal. Even when Ghost gives off an approving hum, placing down the glass with a small thunk, the sound echoing through soap’s mind. Even when roach acts like that was nothing. Even when they don’t notice soap hasn’t contributed in the conversation as much as he usually does. Even when- even when- even-

Soap takes the biggest gulp of air he can take discreetly, blowing it out into his cup as he takes another fuckin sip. Just like Ghost did with Roach’s glass.

He stands up, not patting Ghost’s shoulder as he tells them he needs to take a piss. He doesn’t look at any of them. He physically can’t. Every time he blinks he sees himself punching roach in the face, ripping the mask off and stuffing it down his throat. He sees himself breaking a beer bottle in half, slicing his neck cleanly and watching the blood steadily pour out. He sees himself sobbing at the table, begging to know that he isn’t a replacement to roach. He sees himself banging his head against the table until his brain matter slides off and falls onto the ground. He-

Soap dunks his head under the tap, taking in heaps of air until he’s borderline hyperventilating, trying to not get lost in his own head. He knows it isn’t roach’s fault. He’s been great company he’s the fucking worst and everything he’s feeling is the culmination of his own insecurity. But fuck, if that doesn’t just piss him off even more. Knowing there isn’t an actual reason to hate roach. He groans, slamming the edge of his palm to his forehead repeatedly to try and clear his brain.

Soap wants to rip this ugly feeling out of his chest, he wants to be normal. He needs to be normal. Soap wants to grab the black tar that gathers in his throat and chest, cleanse himself of everything. Soap wants to rip his hair out. Soap wants to know that he is safe. Soap wants to scratch his skin raw. Soap wants to bleed until he cannot feel anymore. Soap wants-

Soap looks up from the sink as the bathroom door opens. Speak of the god damned devil. Roach and Soap make eye contact with each other, an awkward silence filling the air for a few seconds before

Hey.

“Hey man.”

Roach shuffles a bit awkwardly to the sink, filling the silence with the sound of running water as soap dries his face. Just as he was about to turn and walk out the door, he felt a tap on his shoulder. Soap’s tense muscles somehow locked even more as he turned towards roach, hoping his facial expression wasn’t saying I hope you die in a ditch somewhere.

Sorry if tonight was awkward. I know how disorienting it can be to meet new people out of the blue. Especially since I used to be part of 141 and stuff… Roach’s hands falter and he wrings his hands nervously, as if not knowing what to say. Soap just stares at him. And…you seem like a really nice person. I would wanna get to know you better, if that’s okay with you? Roach looks at him with hesitation and Soap does. Not. Move. He probably took a lot longer than usual to reply, to even move or change his facial expression, but once his mind truly absorbs the words,

“Of course. Any friend of 141 is a friend of mine.” Soap automatically pats roach on the back and gives him an all teeth smile. Crinkles at the eyes. Warm look. Roach relaxes instantly, clapping him on the bicep.

Idiot. It’s probably a good thing no one else really knows how he feels.

[ruushes]

companions re-classed part 3 - shadowheart 🌌🌚🌝

*shadowdancer isn't a 5e rogue subclass, it's a 3.5e rogue-based prestige class, but it suits her so well and when i played 3.5e as a kid i thought it was the coolest thing ever lol so i wanted to use it

karlach 🔥 wyll ⚔️

[hinamie]

I don't want to regret the way I lived

[obsob]

to be loved is to be held!!! print

[halfchun]

you can easily return to the past, but no one is there anymore ⏰

[pearlore]

@eydilily 's gempearl designs r so gorgeous i had to draw........ also a swap?? ft. some nzsl bc i was briefly possessed by the spirit of. hands.

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[reasonsforhope]

"This week, the Department of Transportation (DOT) announced a new rule requiring airlines to make bathrooms more accessible for disabled people. All new single-aisle aircraft will be fitted with fully-accessible lavatories.

Most flights inside the United States are single-aisle and as technology has improved, they are used more frequently for long flights, including coast-to-coast trips that can last as long as six hours. Double-aisle plans are already subject to the regulation but are primarily used for international flights.

Out Secretary of Transportation Pete Buttigieg announced the new regulations, saying, “Traveling can be stressful enough without worrying about being able to access a restroom; yet today, millions of wheelchair users are forced to choose between dehydrating themselves before boarding a plane or avoiding air travel altogether.” ...

The secretary has made it a priority to improve service on airlines during his tenure. In 2022, six airlines were forced to pay millions of dollars in refunds to hundreds of thousands of customers and were also fined millions for causing the issues. The department’s firm stance on the side of customers has continued through this year after multiple companies have had meltdowns, stranding thousands of travelers.

All planes delivered to airlines starting in 2026 must include several upgrades. Planes already in service will not need to be retrofitted unless the plane is renovated.

“These aircraft must have at least one lavatory of sufficient size to permit a passenger with a disability (with the help of an assistant, if necessary) to approach, enter, and maneuver within the aircraft lavatory, to use all lavatory facilities, and leave by means of the aircraft’s onboard wheelchair if necessary,” the DOT said in a statement.

Accessible faucets and controls, grab bars, accessible call buttons and door locks, minimum obstruction to the passage of an onboard wheelchair, and an available visual barrier for privacy are also required upgrades."

-via LGBTQ Nation, July 28, 2023

Wayyyyyyy fucking overdue but I'll take it!! Also, very nice curb cut effect: We all get to be less miserable on airplanes, and older people don't have to worry as much about airplane bathroom fall risks.

[gglinaa]

the entropy effect’s ending is really sweet. however, not enough

[skitastc]

Brownies❤

Ink!sans by Comyet

Palette Roller by angeutblogo

Paperjam by 7goodangel

Undertop!Gaster by stylincheetah

[sincerelybubbles]

"spence?"

"hm?"

"when did you get home?"

a more awake you would be squealing, thoroughly excited he came home early from his trip, but the early hours have hardly begun to bring light and you're struggling to even open your eyes to look at him. your cheeks still widen into a pleased smile though, turning into his warmth and humming, confused, when your hands find the rough fabric of his coat.

"a few hours ago," he says, voice rough, eyes still shut. one arm across his eyes, blocking the minuscule light, the other a vice around your waist. his voice is slow, deep in his chest, caught on the sleep he obviously wishes to keep. but he still turns his face toward the sound of your voice, smile creeping up at the corners of his lips, willing to entertain you despite his fatigue.

"are you still wearing your shoes?" you ask, voice teasing, scooting up in his arm to nudge your nose against the curve of his jaw. you press a kiss there, the point where his bone hits a right angle, lips tingling from the stubble you find.

"no," he says, voice honest, "i know better than that."

"no shoes, but your belt is still on?" you tease, fingers dragging across the leather. you don't care, not beyond a genuine concern for his comfort, but you enjoy teasing him in this way, skimming your lips across the rough skin of his chin in not-quite kisses.

"i took my gun off," he complains in a half-hearted groan, lifting his arm to peek at you out of the corner of one eye. "hi," he says, voice still soft, somehow deeper with affection, dimples the star of the show on his cheeks.

"hi," you say, tilting your head back and lifting your arm to cart your fingers through his mess of hair. "welcome home."

he smiles, reaching around with his other arm to gather you up and drag you across his chest in a bear hug, chuckling at the squeal you let out, sighing against your hair. he presses a firm kiss there, right above your ear.

"we will have to wash the sheets, though. it was really gross for me to not change, i was just exhausted, sorry."

[hansoeii]

drew this michael sheen while sleep deprived last night

[babyb1ues]

his banner currently has 21k likes and counting on twitter okay who the hell are you people….. no but for real the secret is literally sensuality … there’s a difference between sexiness and sensuality

this…. is sensuality—the act of directly involving the senses,, and you can see how they make a good showcase of that here… it’s like,, more personal and almost vulnerable. it’s about the sensory (!!!) pleasure

it’s sooo different from being shirtless and sexy,, just distinct areas if u will, different preferences

but to me it hits wayyy different

[hinamie]

in spite of everything, I had fun <3

[slavhew]

jakey + dirkjake sandwiched between my organic chem notes. a poem in there somewhere

[xxplastic-cubexx]

anyone else get cuteness aggression whenever they see james mcavoys charles….. like i have to pace around the room everytime i see him (your art is not helping. /pos)

i can think of one (1) mate who also gets cuteness aggression