#honestly what is the matter with a drunken hook up??

[heart4buddie]

.

[sturnsdarling]

I don't know how to forget you

matt and y/n have been best friends their whole life, but after a drunken kiss and a night of tangled limbs, everything is changing.

vibe check: smut throughout (pretty equal sex dynamic, softdombutneedy!matt / subbutdeviant!reader), fluff, (resolved) angst, childhood best friends to idiots to idiots in love, y/n is scared of love (aren't we all), soft!matt, depressed!matt/reader, soppy confessions of love

this is a long one, kids: 12k words.

A/N: I LOVE THEM!! anyways this whole thing is based on one of my favourite songs of all time so if you don't know then get to know. I had so much fun writing this so I hope you love it as much as I do. IDIOTS IN LOVE SUPREMACY🗣 also tysm for over 200 followers you guys are insane

moodboards for this fic

love and cigs, merc

You burst into the house back first, Matts hands clawing at your waist and his lips moving against yours in a clash of teeth and tongues, your arms draped over his shoulders as your hands desperately clung to his messy brown hair.

He kicked the door shut with his foot, one hand coming to your jaw to pull you into him deeper. You both clumsily walked towards his bedroom, Matt leading you backwards with closed eyes, just about missing the couch. Your hands left his hair and found the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up over his head with vigour, breaking the kiss for a brief moment before crashing back into each other. Heavy breathing and small moans were the only sound in his house as he attempted to unbutton your shirt, not yet breaking the kiss and fumbling at the tiny circles that kept your body from him. He groaned into the kiss in frustration, biting your lip slightly before tearing your shirt open in one fowl rip. You chuckled into the kiss, Matt followed suit and your back hit the hard wood of his bedroom door, your arm frantically finding the door handle behind you.

When you finally gained entrance, still locked in an all consuming make out session with Matt, you slipped your hands between your bodies and began to untie the knot in his joggers, his whole body twitching at the sensation. Matt broke the kiss, panting, his forehead leaning on yours. 

“I thought you said we weren’t gonna do this anymore” He said through frantic breaths, his lips still brushing yours. 

“I know what I said�� you muttered, finally undoing the bow that acted as the gatekeeper between your hand and his aching length, the swift insertion of your cold hand into his warm boxers acting as a mic drop to your statement as you pulled him into you once more. 

“So” Matt pulled away for a brief moment, missing the heat from your plump lips and kissing you before he spoke again, “what’re we doin” he panted. 

“Just shut up and kiss me, Matt” you shook your head, wrapping your hand round the back of his head, nearly giving him whiplash at the speed you pull his lips back to yours. 

One month earlier 

You and Matt had been seeing each other for about six months, it all started as an innocent drunken kiss at a birthday party, that same night ending with you underneath him on his satin sheets, getting pounded into at a rapid rate. You had both decided that, as two consenting adults (your exact words when you propositioned him the idea) you should start sleeping with each other on a regular basis. What was the harm right? The sex was good, you knew each other inside and out, having been friends for basically your whole lives, and you knew that no matter what happened, you’d always love each other unconditionally. 

At first it was amazing, the sex was obviously incredible and, outside of the bedroom, basically nothing changed. No one had even noticed a difference between you two, your dynamic already being touchy and somewhat flirty prior to your decision to hook up every so often.

Despite the occasional stolen glance and white knuckled night out from being forced to watch one another get hit on by random strangers at bars, it was honestly really normal, at least it felt that way.

Being with Matt was easy, he was kind and caring, being around him was like being with yourself, there was no bullshit and no expectations. You just, saw each other, truly and completely. 

As time went on, the sex became something more, it stopped being about simply acting on an urge and started being about the closeness. The intimacy of it all. You craved him, and he was addicted to you. He stopped flirting back with the girls that pushed themselves against him at bars, and you stopped entertaining the boys that bent over backwards to get your attention. Neither of you had noticed it at first but, no one was interesting anymore. No one understood you like the two of you did, no one even came close. No one could make you laugh like he did, and no one could bring him out of his own head like you could. No one knew your body like him, and vice versa, and soon enough, the sex started to change the way you saw each other. 

Instead of seeing Matt, your childhood best friend and the kid that accidentally broke your arm by landing on you at the bottom of a snowy hill when you were kids; you saw Matt, a lingering presence of safety in a crowed room and a blissful night of endless orgasms. Instead of seeing you, the fourth wheel in his little family and the girl that bullied him for being five foot nothing until he was sixteen, he saw you, a beaming ray of light in his life and the sexiest woman he’d ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. 

The shift didn’t seem to matter, as far as you were both aware, nothing had changed. That was until one night when you were hanging out with Matt as you always did:

You and Matt were half naked, tangled up in one another on his bed, watching gravity falls for the billionth time and enjoying each others company.

You were rested against his headboard, clad in his t-shirt and your underwear, and he was rested in-between your legs, his bare back comfortably wedged between your thighs as his long, plaid pyjama pant covered legs spread over the length of his bed. Matt turned his head to the side, peppering a small kiss on the side of your leg before shifting to lift himself up off his bed, the loss of his warm pressure against you almost painful. 

“m’gonna go get a drink, baby, y’want anything?” He said, standing up and hovering next to the bed. 

You shook your head, looking up at him, “I’m good, thank you”. 

“Okay” he leant down, the weight of his arms making the bed shift under you as he placed a tender kiss on your lips, your mouths slotting together effortlessly. 

He walked out the room and the door clicked shut. In your momentary solitude, the game changing realisation infiltrated your brain.

He just called you baby, and not when you were fucking, he called you baby like, like it was your name, like it was the easiest thing to call you in that moment, like it felt right to him so he did it, or even worse, that he didn’t even think about it, like that’s who you are to him.

A sudden wave of panic came over you, the events of the last however many months flashing through your brain. The longing looks, the small jealous comments that went over your head, the lingering touches when you were with your friends, his desperation for you after being apart for any longer than a couple days. All of it started to come together in your mind as one big puzzle of ‘holy fucking shit he has feelings for me, and not just I care about you as a friend but I also wanna fuck you feelings, real feelings’. That wasn’t the scary part though, the scary part was how effortless it felt, to you. How it all just made sense with him, how it was never weird or awkward, how you felt completely safe with him, how you felt genuinely and utterly, loved by him. 

Your rapid mind was interrupted by Matt walking back into the room. 

“Chris drank all the fuckin’ soda already, kids an addict I swear to god” he said, holding a glass of lemonade.

You chuckled slightly at his remark, your eyes fixated on your fingers as you picked and pulled at the skin of your thumb. Matt fell backwards onto the bed, half his weight on your legs. The pressure suddenly made you uncomfortable and, without really thinking about it, you pulled your legs from under him and tucked them under yourself. The movement made Matt turn up to look at you, finally noticing your weird demeanour. You never pulled away from him, if anything you did the opposite, especially when you were alone. Matts brows furrowed as he turned to lay on his stomach. 

“Hey, you okay?” He asked softly, rubbing a gentle finger on your leg.

You shifted under his touch again, which worried him, a lot. He shifted and raised himself up to sit in front of you. He hooked a finger under your chin and lifted your head up. 

“What’s the matter?” He questioned, his voice thick with concern. 

You shook your head, his baring blue eyes making you feel claustrophobic in your own skin.

“m’fine” you said, attempting to look away from him. 

Your energy was jarring, and Matt was utterly confused, what the fuck had happened in the maybe twenty-seconds he had been gone and why were you suddenly acting like you didn’t even want to look at him? 

“Y/n/n, I know when you’re lying, what’s wrong?” He said, trying to find your eyes again. 

You didn’t reply, only returned to picking at your thumbs. Matt simply stared at you, unable to understand why you were suddenly a tense and anxious ball of energy. 

After what felt like an eternity, you broke the silence, your voice coming out in a choked strain. 

“I don’t think I can do this anymore, Matt” your eyes didn’t leave your skin. 

Those nine words hit matt like a bus, knocking the wind out of him as his mouth parted in a feeling he could only describe as agony. 

“Do what? As in, do this” he said, gesturing to himself and then to you. 

You finally raised your head to look at him, a deep sadness hiding behind your emotionless face. “I don’t think it's a good idea, it’s gone on for way longer than either of us expected, and—“ you huffed, “I just can’t do it anymore” you tore your gaze from him, incapable of the decency it took to look him in the eye as you tore his heart from his chest. 

“wh—“ Matt muttered, “where the fuck has this come from?” He shook his head, eyes squinting and brows scrunching together. 

You didn’t reply, only shifted in your own skin. Your aloofness was like sand paper against Matts skin, he barely recognised you. His mind raced with the endless mind boggling possibilities as to why you didn’t want to be with him anymore, but they all centred into one crippling thought. 

“Is there someone else?” He said, his voice dropping an octave. 

“No” you said immediately, the ‘there could never be anyone else’ staying tucked between your teeth as your head shot up to look at him. 

“So what is then? Did I— did I do something?” His tone faltered, coming out as almost apologetic. 

You shook your head, gnawing at the inside of your cheeks, “I just — you — I — ” you couldn’t find the words to make it make sense, because it didn’t, it didn’t make sense, but you couldn’t shake the feeling of the walls closing in around you. 

“Y/n/n” your name rolled off his tongue like honey, his head shifting on his shoulders towards you slightly, his brows still knit firmly together in confusion that looked a lot like sadness. 

“I have to go” you said, unable to look at him for a second longer in fear of bursting into tears. 

“Wait—” he said, reaching out for you as you climbed off the bed and picked up your jeans that were sprawled across the floor.  

“Matt, I have to go” you cut him off, picking up your things and hurrying out the door, not looking at him for even a split second. 

You shut the door behind you and he opened it almost immediately, following you out into his kitchen, watching as you raced down the stairs.

“Y/n” he called out your name, but your pace didn’t falter, and in a flash and a slam of his front door, you were gone. 

He stood at the top of the stairs, blinking at the closed door a head of him. 

On the sofa, Chris and Nick were staring at him, waiting for him to say something and sharing flitting glances back and forth with one another. 

“What the fuck was that about?” Chris said, breaking the deafening silence. 

“Is she okay?” Nick followed his brothers questioning. 

“I have no idea” Matt said, that simple fact being the only thing he did know. 

You threw yourself into your car, slamming the door shut. The sound rang through your ears and the silence that filled the vehicle after was enough to send you tumbling into your sadness. Tears brimmed at your eyes as heavy, fast pants rapidly escaped your nose, you felt awful, you had no idea what you were doing, why did you leave like that? Why didn’t you just talk to him, he’s your best friend, why didn’t you just say something? Anything? What would you even say? I think you’re in love with me and I’m terrified that I love you too? Being with you like this has been the best six months of my life? the thought of losing you makes me feel like I'm dying? Any attempt to try and put how you felt into words made you spiral, and after a pent up moment of burning holes into the black leather of your steering wheel, the flood gates opened. 

“Fuck!” you screamed, tears cascading down your face and you hit the wheel with the palm of your hands over and over again.

You felt like you couldn’t breathe, like you were drowning in your own mind and had no way of coming to the surface. Your relentless mind was exhausting, and when your hands started to sting from your merciless slaps against the brittle leather, you clutched the wheel, resting your forehead against the material with closed eyes.

“What the fuck is wrong with me” you whispered to yourself, shaking your head against the wheel. 

You pulled one hand off the wheel and turned the key in the exhaust, starting the car as you lifted your head, taking a deep, calming inhale.

You gripped the wheel once more, turning your head and looking to Matts house, all you wanted was to go back inside, tell him that you’re scared, absolutely fucking terrified of how you feel about him, but you didn't, instead, you clenched your jaw, ripped your gaze from the house and pulled out into the street. 

On your drive home through the nearly empty LA highways, your mind raced with the events of the last six months, the orange streetlights periodically illuminating your car. Your playlist blared through the speakers on full volume as your unsuccessful attempt to drown out the sound of your own thoughts was brought to fruition, ‘sex’ by eden started to play, the drums and claps filling your senses as the piano melody took your mind to the last six months. 

The longing looks;

You were wrapped in a fluffy towel, your wet hair cascading down your shoulders as you lazily rubbed moisturiser over your clean face in Matts bathroom mirror. The door clicked open, and Matt softly padded into the damp steamy room, cold air following him in. His presence didn’t disturb you, you continued to do your skincare routine as he came up behind you, resting his chin on your shoulder and sneaking his long tattooed arms around your waist. Neither of you said anything, you didn’t even look at him. In that moment, his presence was simply an extension of your existence.

As you softly massaged a hydrating serum into your soft skin, Matt couldn’t help but stare at you in the reflection. He loved you like this, your most pure and natural self, skin still littered with drops of water from the shower and your hair forming loose curls as it dried messily over your shoulders.

He watched you intently from his perched position just beside the curve of your neck. He thought you were the most beautiful person he’d ever seen, and he could never get tired of looking at you. His gaze was heavy on your face, and once you’d finished applying all of your products, you let your eyes flit to his in the mirror, finally locking eyes with him. His mouth instantly curling up into a smile when you shot him a small grin. 

“You’re so beautiful” he said, his eye contact never wavering. 

Your smile grew and you dropped your head slightly, shaking it with an embarrassed chuckle. 

Matt squeezed you tighter to gain your attention again, missing the piercing warmth your eyes gave him. He picked his head up slightly and began to pepper short pecks on your damp, vanilla scented skin. The pecks slowly turned to small open mouth kisses, the warmth of his tongue against your skin sending shivers up your spine and encouraging a pool of wetness to collect between your legs. You let your head hang to the side slightly as he moved his kisses up your neck, stopping as he reached just below your ear. You whined as he pulled away and he laughed slightly, moving his hands to your waist and turning you round to face him.

The base of your spine was pressed against the marble counter top and Matt stared down into you, his hands absentmindedly rubbing circles against the towel that covered you. He effortlessly lifted you up and placed you on the sink, his hands finding your jaw once you landed the short jump. 

“I mean it, y’know, I think you might be the prettiest girl in the entire universe” his thumbs pressing into your cheeks as his slender fingers wrapped around the nape of your neck. 

His eyes were baring into yours, flitting between the left and right as an uncontrollable smile engulfed your face as you batted your lashes at him, returning his stare with doe eyes that almost made his knees buckle. 

“That’s a pretty damning statement, Matthew, I’m not sure I can live up to that title” You quipped, wrapping your legs around his waist to pull him against you, aching for friction as you throbbed at his words. 

“There’s no question about it, pretty girl, no one even comes close” he said, pushing his jogger clad, growing bulge against your desperate core and pulling your impossibly close to him. 

“Let me show you how beautiful you are” he said, just before pulling you into a wet and tender kiss.

You moaned against his lips as Matt ground his hips into yours, his fingers digging into the nape of your neck. He moved his kisses down your jaw, his tongue flat against the bone as he worked his way down your neck and along the top of the white towel that separated his mouth from his favourite part of you. A soft hand came up to the fold in the fabric and tugged at it, causing it to drop from your body and fall onto the cold marble beneath you. The sudden exposure made all the tiny hairs on your body stand on edge as Matt ogled your body, taking you in like it was the first time he was seeing you bare like that, not the hundredth.

"you're so fuckin' sexy" he uttered, shaking his head in disbelief at the sight of your still slightly wet skin glistening for him.

You rested back on the palms of your hands and spread your legs wider for him, giving him a full view of your pretty pussy that was already slick to the touch. A hungry grunt left his throat at the sight of you baring yourself to him, and without hesitation, Matt dropped to his knees and hooked your legs over his shoulders, pressing bruises into the soft, squishy skin.

You squealed slightly as he tugged at your thighs, bringing your throbbing core only centimetres away from his face. He licked his lips like an animal spotting its prey and leaned forward, pressing a soft and sloppy kiss onto your clit. your back arched into the pressure of his tongue against you as he started lapping at your soaked core, moaning at the taste of you on his lips. Your fingers raked through his hair and tugged at the root, pushing him further into you as your hips involuntarily bucked into his face, grinding against his mouth as he worked his tongue over your weeping pussy.

His hand snaked its way down your leg, his blunt fingernails scratching down your skin as he brought his digits to to just below his chin, rubbing small circles at your entrance with the tip of his long finger, teasing your walls as they clenched around nothing, desperate for him to give you what he knows you want.

"mhph, Matt, please" you whined with furrowed brows, hips slowly grinding against his face.

Matt looked up at you with smiling, prideful eyes, dipping his middle finger into your soaked hole just enough to elicit a broken moan from your throat. As your walls loosened their grip around his finger, he slipped his ring finger inside, pushing them both in to the knuckle as he sucked on your clit, eyes still baring up into you as your head hung loose on your neck.

He pumped his fingers in and out of you at a steady pace, but his pace on your clit was fierce, as if he was attempting to suck the air from your lungs out from of your pussy.

Your high was fast approaching, and your whole body began to tense above him, your legs unintentionally closing shut around his head. Matt didn't care, he wanted you to close him in, keep him there for the rest of time so he could make you cum all over his face over and over again until you felt as if you could pass out from exhaustion.

His fingers began to curl up into that blissful sweet spot, your stomach tensed in response and he knew you were close to coming undone. He slurped and lapped at your folds, his tongue dipping between them to catch the very centre of your clit, toying with the nub as he relentlessly filled your walls with his long fingers.

"Oh, fuck, Matt" the pressure of his tongue against you was euphoric, and a wave of tingles covered every inch of your body.

Your walls were a vice around his fingers and, with a tantalising suck on your sensitive nub, you released warm cum all over his hand. You shook above him, your vision going blurry as he continued to devour you, bringing you to a white hot level of ecstasy that left you a blubbering, whimpering mess on the bathroom counter.

When your legs stopped tensing and hung lazily over his shoulders, Matt pulled his fingers from you, licking them clean just before placing a soft peck on your puffy clit. The feeling made you jolt and he chuckled, his warm breath acting as a soothing wind to your sensitive pussy.

Matt got to his feet, his hands instantly gripping at your thighs to wrap you around him once again. He kissed you like he was a man eating his last meal, the taste of yourself still heavy on his tongue as it pressed and pushed against yours.

"taste that, pretty girl? you're beautiful even down to the sweetness of your perfect pussy" He pulled away from you, to say just before biting down on your parted bottom lip

The small, jealous comments that went over your head;

You, the boys and a few of your mutual friends were in a bar somewhere in downtown LA. Your hands were pressed against the wood of the bar as you waited to be served, the crowds of people surrounding you making you somewhat invisible to the bartender who, famously served all the influencers first and annoyingly ignored anyone who didn’t have a brand deal or over a million followers. 

“Hey gorgeous” an unfamiliar voice disturbed your failed attempt to order a round for your table. 

You looked to the side, and were met with the glaring stare and bitten lip of yet another guy who wanted to buy you a drink and disappoint you sexually. 

“Hi” you said, turning your attention away from him just as fast as he caught it. 

“Can I just say, you’re the hottest chick in this whole bar” he rested a sweaty hand on your shoulder. 

You shrugged off his touch and looked back to him, “thanks” you said quickly, instantly skeeved out by the feeling of his hand on your skin. 

“Let me buy you a drink” he said in what seemed like his attempt at a seductive tone, bringing his hand back up to you and pushing your hair off your shoulder, letting it fall down your back. 

“I’m good, dude, I’m just trying to get a round for me and my friends” you shifted away from him. 

He edged closer to you, running his fingers down your arm and grasping at your hand, 

“I can get the round, I’ve got money like that, baby” 

The name made you feel physically sick, and before you could open your mouth to tell him to kindly fuck off, the comforting sound of Matts voice rang through your ears. 

“You good, y/n/n?” He said, coming up next to you and wrapping a tight hand around your waist, pulling you into him, his eyes never leaving the meathead trying to touch his girl.

“Who the fuck are you?” The guy said, instantly squaring up to Matt. 

“S’not important, dude, jus’ leave her alone, yeah?” He said, shifting slightly towards the guy, his hand never leaving your waist. 

“What are you, her boyfriend or something?” He laughed, pressing firm fingers into Matts shoulder. 

Matt chucked at the attempt to rile him up, pulling his arm from your waist and planting himself directly in front of the dickhead that just pushed his shoulder. 

Your hand pressed against his chest, bringing him back down to reality as he looked down into your soft, sparkle covered eyes. 

“Don’t” you said, applying a warm pressure to his sternum. 

His jaw clenched as his heart rate slowed, the feeling of your hand against his chest a soothing balm to the burning rage that had ignited in him. 

“Fuck off, dude, m’not interested in whatever you think you’re gonna get out of this” you said, pushing Matt behind you and giving the creep the dirtiest look you could muster up. 

He scoffed and rolled his eyes, “whatever, bitch, you’re ugly as fuck anyway” he said as he sulked away. 

“Oh, I’m gonna break his fuckin’ jaw” Matt said, attempting to slip out from behind you and follow the guy through the bar. 

“Matt” you said, grabbing his hand, “leave it” you said, pulling him back to you, catching his eye-line, “I’m fine, okay? He’s irrelevant”. 

He stood a few feet away from you with a clenched jaw, his hand still in yours as you glared at him. He rolled his eyes and returned to your side. 

“Kids just asking to get his shit rocked” he huffed, resting a protective hand on the base of your spine. 

“I'm sure someone will knock him out at some point” you said, a smirk forming on your face as you returned your attention to the bar tender. 

“I could have blinded him just for talking to you” he muttered, watching as the same guy sauntered over to other helpless victim. 

“Fuckin’ idiot thinks he has a chance in hell, tryna hold your hand and shit” he scoffed, “dickhead” Matt spat, finally tearing his eyes off the guy. 

You peered up at Matt and he met your gaze, a soft smile forming on his lips at the sight of you. You chuckled and shook your head, and just as you were about to tell him how sexy he is when he’s angry, you were interrupted by the bartender. 

“What can I get for you?”

The lingering touches when you were with your friends;

You were all hanging out at the boys’ house, watching films and talking about nothing, and everything. You were perched on the sofa, both of your legs tucked under yourself as you lazily scrolled on your phone. Matt was next to you, his legs in a wide man-spread as his back rested against the plush sofa cushions. His arm was rested against the back of the couch behind you, a comfortable warmth engulfing you just enough to not rouse any suspicion.��

His fingers absentmindedly traced he curve of your bare shoulder as he joked with Nate and Chris, all three of them laughing about something you weren’t listening to. 

“Y/n/n” Nick said from the kitchen, bringing your attention away from your phone, “can you come help me with this, I’m so fucking confused” he said, holding a cookie ingredient box in his hands, reading the back with furrowed brows. 

You looked over Matts shoulder towards the kitchen and let out a short chuckle, “Yeah, sure”. You shifted, and placed your feet on the floor, using Matts leg to help you up from your comfortable position on the sofa. 

The pressure of your hand against his leg went straight to his crotch, and as if on instinct, his hand met yours on his thigh for a moment as you pushed yourself up. You turned to look down at him over your shoulder as your hand slipped from under his, he looked at you like you were the only person in the room and you returned the favour, padding away from him and facing your attention towards Nick, who was standing, baffled in the kitchen over the instructions that ‘made no fucking sense’. 

His desperation for you after being apart for any longer than a couple days;

“Fuck, angel, I missed your pussy so fuckin’ much” Matt grunted into your neck as he pounded into you, slow and hard, sucking on the curve of your jaw and occasionally biting down on your soft skin. 

Your moaned at his words, legs wrapped tight around him with your feet locked at his waist, your hands clawed at his back as he stretched you out, the sensation of him relentlessly hammering into you completely overwhelming your senses. The weight of his body against yours was blissful, his warm skin pressed against yours as you kissed and sucked at his shoulder, desperate to feel every part of him against every part of you. His hands were pressing bruises into every inch of your skin, the feeling of you clenching around him sending him into ecstasy as he thrust in and out of your sopping pussy. 

“Y’so fuckin’ perfect, literally perfect, this pussy was made f’me, made jus’ f’me” he was rambling, desperate to let you know how much he had missed you. 

“Mphm, Matt, don’t stop, please, don’t stop” you whined as he hit that gummy spot deep inside you, his dick nestling perfectly inside your slick walls. 

“Keep saying my name like that, please baby, say it again f'me” He said, craning his neck up to look down at you, his eyes fluttery at the heavenly feeling of being completely surrounded by you. 

“Matt” you moaned, throwing your head back as he thrust deeper inside of you, the soft pressure of the top of his pelvis periodically pressing against your puffy clit. 

Matt groaned, dipping his head down to capture your neck in a tingling bite, just before soothing the sting with a warm and flat tongue. 

“Ugh, Matt” you whimpered, squeezing your legs tighter round him, your hands finding his sweaty curls. 

Matt near enough growled into your skin, picking up his pace as he hungrily fucked you with unwavering force into his bed. The sting of your fingers pulling his hair, coupled with the pulsating heat of your throbbing pussy sent him over the edge. With a loud grunt and stuttering hips, he came harder than he had in weeks, his vision going blurry as he nestled himself further into the crook of your neck, biting down on the fleshy meat of your shoulder. He slowed his pace completely, slowly fucking his cum into you until he felt paralysed by your warmth. 

“Jesus Christ” he uttered into your hair. 

You peppered kisses along his broad shoulder and up his neck, biting at his earlobe, earning an involuntary buck of his hips into your cum soaked hole. He begrudgingly pulled out of you, his soft dick hanging down between his legs as he fell down on top of you, his crushing body weight making you sink into the mattress. Your hands played with his hair as he caught his breath, head rested on your bare chest and hands rubbing at your boiling skin. 

“Take it you missed me then?” You muttered, enamoured with his tired and fucked out frame lazily pressed against you. 

He simply nodded against your skin, bringing a large hand up to palm the curve of your breast. “S’much” he said, just before taking your nipple into his mouth and sucking on it with vigour. 

You giggled at the sensation, shifting under him slightly as he pressed his already hardening dick against your thigh.

“Matt” You laughed, squirming under his touch. 

In one swift movement, he flipped you both over so that you were ontop of him, your wet pussy pressed against the base of his sticky cock. 

“Need more, princess, now, please” Matt said, a spread hand coming up your spine and he brought you down to him. His hand gripped the back of your neck as he kissed you like he was starved of your touch.

“m’never gonna get enough a’you” He moaned into the kiss, the feeling of your folds brushing up and down his stiff cock sending him into heavenly overstimulation. 

The final beat of the song brought you back to reality,

and before you realised it, you were back at your apartment, pulling into your parking lot and making your way up to your empty home. 

Your apartment was covered with Matt; a spare pair of his dirty, beat up airforces sat next to your messy array shoes by the front door, dried out flowers in jars were scattered around your whole apartment, all ones he had gotten you for birthdays or special achievements, or just because he saw them and thought of you. His jackets were hung up on your hooks, and his shirts were thrown lazily into your laundry baskets. Cards and notes were littered on your fridge and window sills, all just little messages he’d leave you throughout your entire friendship, even before you started sleeping together. 

You kicked off your shoes and padded over to the fridge to get some water, old photos and memories stared back at you. Your fingers wrapped around the handle of the door, but your arm didn’t budge, your attention was fixated on the array of photos stuck to the fridge. 

You had a photo of you and the boys when you were younger, your mum had found it when she was clearing out some old stuff and you simply had to steal it from her albums. There was another photo that Nick had taken at some party you don’t really remember and then there were two photos of you and Matt. One of them was a photo booth picture from some influencer thing he dragged you to, and the other was from your birthday last year. Just below the pictures, Matt had stuck a note under the floral magnet, you had no idea when he did it and honestly didn’t even notice it until that very moment. The note read, ‘hi, you’re pretty, have a nice day’ in what looked like his best attempt to have neat hand writing. 

You glanced over the photo from your birthday, it was just after you guys had started seeing each other, and the boys had decided celebrating your birthday away from LA was non negotiable, so you all went home to Boston and had a proper family birthday. It was perfect, and for that short week, everything in your life felt like it was finally falling into place. Tears began to prick at your puffy eyes once more as you stared at the picture, his strong arms wrapped around your shoulders, a cheesy grin spread across your face as he made one of his usual silly faces for the lens of Nicks camera. 

Your heart sunk in your chest, and for the first time since you met Matt all those years ago, you felt completely alone. You had done the one thing you were the most afraid of being done to you; you had walked out on him, without even stopping to tell him why. You had acted like everything you hated, and the shame you felt, coupled with a deep sadness and a looming feeling of heavy regret were all only exacerbated by the fact that, the only person you wanted to speak to about how you were feeling, was Matt. 

Back at his house, Matt was in his living room, sat across from his brothers, his elbows rested on his wide knees as his head hung on his neck, resting in his palms.

“You and y/n have been… fucking?” Chris said, fully spread across the sofa as he stared at Matt in bewilderment. 

“Don’t say it like that, Chris” Nick hit Chris on the chest, turning back to Matt and perching his head on his hand, looking at him with soft features that reassured Matt that he was listening, “carry on, Matt” he said. 

“It um— it started about six months ago, after Quens’ birthday party, d’you remember?” He said, brushing his hair out his face with a huff. 

“Oh, yeah, I remember that, you guys ended up kissing during that weird card game, right?” Nick said, recounting his hazy memories from the party. 

Matt nodded, rubbing the back of his neck, “We ended up sleeping together that night, I brought her back here and she snuck out in the morning before you guys woke up”

“You sneaky motherfucker, if this whole situation wasn’t depressing as fuck I’d be so proud of you dude.” Chris leant forward and grabbed Matts shoulder, shaking him slightly and beaming at him, trying to coax a smile out of him. 

A lazy smile creeped its way onto Matts face as Chris patted his back, that alone was enough to let him know that behind his sad eyes, Matt was still in there somewhere. 

“Wait, so, what happened? Why did she suddenly decide that she doesn’t want to see you anymore?” Nick pushed, just as confused as his younger brother. 

“I’ve got no fuckin’ idea, one minute we were fine, just chilling and watching gravity falls, and the next, she won’t even look at me” Matt sighed, his voice cracking as he spoke. He threw himself back onto the sofa and rubbed his eyes with the balls of his hands, groaning and trying not to cry. 

Chris and Nick shared a worried look, furrowed brows and concerned eyes pouring into each other as they both returned their attention to Matt, who was still shifting in his skin, the most worked up they’ve seen him in, well, in six months actually.

“Hey, kid, it’s gonna be okay, okay?” Chris placed a comforting hand on Matts knee, squeezing it slightly, “we’ve known her for like literally forever, whatever it is, I’m sure she’ll figure it out and come back” 

“Yeah” Nick said, moving to sit on the other side of Matt, “maybe she’s just having a moment or something? You know how she gets sometimes” he reassured Matt with a gentle hand on his shoulder. 

“I’m just—she jus’—I just don’t understand” Matt shook his head, hands raking down his face as frustrated tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. 

“Hey” Chris said gently, his voice wavering at the sight of Matt nearly crying, “Its okay, bro, you’ll figure it out, and besides even if you never get to fuck her again, I’m sure you’ll always be best friends” 

“Chris” Nick said quietly through gritted teeth, his hand gently rubbing Matts shoulder as he shot Chris a glaring look. 

“What?” Chris replied, innocently, not understanding what he said wrong. 

Matts head rolled against the back of the sofa, he let out a small chuckle and shook his head, a groan slipping from his lips, “I don’t care if I never get to sleep with her again dude, I jus’—“ he sighed, “I think I’m in love with her” he closed his eyes and squeezed his back teeth together, clenching his jaw as a throttling wave of sadness came over him, “and now I don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to tell her” 

In the month between you walking out and you both crashing back into each other,

you didn’t see Matt or the boys once. You completely isolated yourself, refusing to even think about what had happened. The night you came home, after hours of crying in the shower and wanting the world to swallow you hole, you decided that simply forgetting it ever happened was the best plan of action. If it never happened, then it didn’t need to matter. But it did happen, and it did matter and you became a shell of yourself, existing on auto pilot everyday. 

All you did was work and sleep, your social life becoming quickly non existent without the boys to coax you into actually leaving the house. You stopped replying to anyones messages in the first week, turning off all notifications and letting the little red bubble get longer and longer as the messages piled up in your phone. Everyday you managed to get yourself out of bed was a miracle, and if you showered and brushed your hair, it should have counted as an eighth wonder of the world. Your life had become an agonising picture coloured by shades of grey, all of the colour being stripped from your world when you slammed the door in your best friends face. 

You couldn’t understand why you couldn’t just call him, tell him that you were sorry, that you freaked out and acted like a fucking idiot, and that all you’ve ever wanted is for him to be around forever, in whatever shape that may take. You loved him, you had loved him since you were a child, but having sex with him, and being his in those fleeting moments of passion made you fall in love with him, and the thought of that made you feel like you were driving down the highway on the wrong side, cars flying towards you at a hundred miles per hour as someone blindfolded you and told you to keep driving. But not because of him, he was perfect. He was one of the only people in the world who you really trusted, who you knew you could always rely on no matter what and no questions asked. It was because of you, something inside of you felt broken, and you had no idea how to fix it. 

Matt wasn’t doing any better;

Unless he had to film or take a meeting, he barely left his room. He pushed away any attempt from his brothers to talk about you or what had happened since the night he told them about the two of you, not wanting to be reminded of the agonising feeling that had wedged itself between his ribs since the night you left.

His temper was shorter than ever, constantly snapping at one of the boys for tiny things and losing his shit every time a minor inconvenience happened. His parents got word of the fact that you two had stopped talking and tried to be there for him, your mum too, but he pushed everyone away. No one had the ability to crawl inside his brain and plant flowers in his weeds like you did, and he knew that, so he didn’t see the point in letting anyone even try.

After a certain point he stopped talking to everyone, only interacting with Chris or Nick when he really needed to and ignoring all the calls from Nate, his parents or Justin. He just wanted to be left alone, because at least then his reality would reflect how he felt. You had left a gaping hole in his life and slowly but surely, he was falling deeper and deeper into the dark abyss of that hole, letting the heavy sadness consume him with reluctant acceptance. 

Despite his temper and moping about, his brothers never stopped trying; 

A soft tap rattled his door, and a few seconds after, it creaked open, letting in a slither of light into his dark bedroom. 

“Matt? We’re gonna go get wing stop, d’you wanna come?” Chris said softly, peering his head through the crack in the door. 

Matt didn’t respond, he was tucked up to his neck in his duvet in his dark room, the only light in the room being that of his low brightness computer screen playing an array of depressing songs on loop and the light that Chris had welcomed in when he opened the door. 

“Matt, dude, you haven’t left your room in days, you gotta eat something” Chris sighed, his refusal to accept this new version of Matt apparent. 

Matt simply turned away from the door, turning his back to Chris in a silent ‘fuckin’ leave me alone’. Chris huffed, shaking his head and clicking the door shut. 

Nothing was working, and they had no idea if he was ever going to be okay again. Normally, he would mope about for a couple days and then be back to his usual silly, kind self. But this was different, he seemed completely void of anything that made Matt, Matt. 

Nick was fed up of his behaviour, and despite Chris’ constant battle with him over ‘just giving it time’, Nick knew, as his older brother and best friend, that it had all gone too far. So he took matters into his own hands.

That night, Nick got an uber to your apartment,

knowing it was your day off work and that you were almost definitely in the same position as Matt; not leaving your house or talking to anyone.  

The uber pulled up next to your apartment block and he got out the car, striding up the stairs to the entrance and relentlessly pounded against your front door. The sound made you jump in your skin, pulling your attention away from the last episode of season two of gravity falls, a show that hadn’t left your tv in weeks. When you didn’t answer the door to the first round of banging, it started again and you reluctantly pushed yourself off your sofa and walked over to the door as it vibrated on its hinges. 

“Okay, okay, m’coming, Jesus Chris” you groaned.  

When you opened the door, you were met with a face you hadn’t seen in weeks. 

“Nick?” Your face dropped in confusion.

“What the fuck is wrong with you, y/n/n” he started sounding off immediately, pushing himself into your apartment. 

“wha—“ you started to speak, but were immediately cut off. 

“In what universe is it okay to just go completely ghost on your best fucking friend? What the fuck were you thinking? Matt has been in a shit state since you ran out that night and I’m fuckin’ sick of it! He’s angry at everyone, he’s nearly gotten in actual fights with me and Chris about a thousand times and he’s even stopped talking to our parents. Our parents y/n.” Nicks face was nearly bright red with anger as he paced around your apartment. 

“Nick, I—“ you folded your arms over your chest, his words hitting you like bullets of reality. 

“No. I’m not finished.” He held his hand up to stop you speaking, “I don’t know what the fuck happened between the two of you, but you need to sort it out, because I can’t sit here and watch this all unfold anymore. I think what you fail to remember, is that despite the fact that you were fucking him, he was also supposed to be your best friend. We all were. When you walked out on him, you also walked out on me and Chris. You left us all high and dry without a single explanation and zero entrance back into your life to try and figure out what the fuck happened.” Nick finished his rant and took a deep inhale, his first real breath since he stepped foot in your apartment. 

The apartment was silent for a moment, you not knowing whether or not he was finished. “Can I speak now?”

“G’head” Nick replied, raising a hand, gesturing you to say your part. 

“I’m sorry that I walked out.” You said, it being the only thing you could think to say in that moment, “I didn’t know he was going through all of that” you said, averting your gaze to the floor. 

Nick chuckled in disbelief, “cut the shit, y/n/n” he said, “you know what he’s like, probably better than anyone. You know because you’re exactly the same, I mean, look at you, you look like shit” he said, not holding back, then again, when did he ever. 

You looked back up at him and couldn’t help but chuckle as his insult, “What are you talking about? M’fine” you shrugged. 

“Yeah sure you are, kid” Nick rolled his eyes, taking a few steps forward and lingering just in front of you. 

“Look, I don’t know what happened between you two, and honestly I don’t really care. But I do care about him, and I care about you, and I know that this is killing you as much as its killing him. so just stop being a fucking idiot and go tell him that you love him, because I’m tired of his stinking fuckin’ attitude and I miss you, I miss my best friend, we all do, Matt more than anyone” he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, his warm skin pulling a single brick from the dam that had all your crippling emotions stuffed behind it. 

Tears brimmed at your eyes and Nick sighed, bringing you into an all encompassing hug, holding your head against his chest as you sobbed into him. He held you like that for a while, letting you cry in his arms as he cooed and rubbed the back of your head in the gentle embrace you were wrapped in. When you finally stopped shaking, you pulled away from him, wiping your tears and looked up at him through wet lashes. 

“What if he hates me?” You sniffled, your voice still shaky. 

Nick shook his head with a breathy laugh out his nose, “I don’t think he could hate you even if he wanted to, you’re everything to him” 

You and Nick shared another hug before he said he had to go and meet everyone in the city, asking you if you wanted to come and not pressing when you shook your head no, telling him you just needed to be alone. He left and you were alone again, your mind now racing with everything he had said, his words giving you the reality check you needed.

Back at the boys' house,

Matt was padding around the kitchen, he had left his room about ten minutes after he heard the front door click shut and he knew he was alone. As he shuffled around in the cupboards looking for a bowl for his hundredth meal of instant noodles, the front door slammed shut, and a burning annoyance filled his entire body. Chris came bounding up the stairs, seemingly in a hurry, but stopped in his tracks at the sight of Matt, actually out of his bedroom. 

“Oh, you’re up, I jus’ came back ‘cause I forgot my wallet” he said, grabbing his wallet off the table. 

Matt didn’t respond, he didn’t even acknowledge Chris’ presence. 

Chris went to leave, rolling his eyes and not even attempting to bother trying anymore but, in true Chris fashion, he was determined to find his brother inside this strange ghost that had infiltrated his home. 

“Look, dude, I know you’re hurting, trust me I get it but, you can’t keep letting this bring you down forever. There has to be a point were you realise that this isn’t healthy” He sighed, walking back to stand next to the table. “I know you love her, and I know that this whole situation is killing you, but maybe if you jus —“ he sighed, “maybe if you jus fuckin’ speak to her then you can sort all of this out, she can come back and everything can be normal again, ‘cause, its hard as fuck seeing you like this man and, even though I don’t love her like you do, I miss her too, she’s been around forever and it feels like we're a table missing a fuckin’ leg or some shit so, jus’ speak to her. what’s the harm in just trying, y’know?” 

Matt, with his back still to Chris, shifted where he stood slightly, opening his mouth to reply but swallowed his words. 

Chris sighed and shook his head, turning on the balls of his feet and running down the stairs. The slam of the front door echoed through the house, and Matt was soon left with the deafening silence left by Chris’ absence.

His brothers words ran laps around his mind, he knew he was right, this couldn’t go on forever, and he should just speak to you, but how was he even supposed to begin to try? Was he supposed to just show up at your apartment, tell you how he was dying inside, how this past month had been the hardest of his entire life and that he had missed you every single second of every day that passed painstakingly slowly? Was he supposed to just show up at your home, grab you by the face and tell you that he loved you and that he never wanted to be without you ever again? As the rapid thoughts bounced like pinballs against the walls of his skull, he realised that, that was exactly what he was going to do. 

He slammed the cupboard door shut and strode over to the table, picking his keys up and near enough sprinting down the stairs, not even stopping to put shoes on as he pulled the front door open and stepped out in front of his house. 

As he stepped out into his front yard, his heart fell down into his stomach at the sight of your shadowy frame, standing just a few feet from his front door, arms crossed over your pyjama top clad chest. He was paralysed, he didn’t know if he was dreaming or, if somewhere between the kitchen and the door he fell over and cracked his head open.

“Y/n” he choked out, it being the only thing he could muster up in that moment. 

“Hi” you said in a small voice, a shy smile finding your lips at the sound of him saying your name. 

Matt couldn’t move, feeling as though the ground had grown hands that had wrapped themselves around his ankles. You made the first move, taking a step into the light, the orange street lamp illuminating your features. His breath hitched in his throat at the sight of you, your beautiful face in his sights again after what felt like an eternity.

You walked closer to him, warmth radiated off him as he stared down at you with a slightly parted mouth. Neither of you spoke, you had no idea what to say, you just stared into each other for that long moment, the world shifting on its axis around you as suddenly, face to face like this, you felt like the only two people in the entire universe. Your eyes flitted between his, your lips periodically getting caught between your teeth as you tried to think of something, anything to say.

Matts eyes explored your face, as if he was memorising every inch of it incase it was the last time he was seeing you, incase this wasn’t real and he was asleep in his dark room. His gaze flitted to your plump lips and it sent a twinge up your spine, and without thinking, you latched your hands round the back of his head and pulled him down into you in a feverish, desperate kiss. He returned the kiss almost immediately, his hands slipping round your waist and pulling you into him in a frenzied attempt to feel you close to him again. 

You burst into the house back first, Matts hands clawing at your waist and his lips moving against yours in a clash of teeth and tongues, your arms draped over his shoulders as your hands desperately clung to his messy brown hair.

He kicked the door shut with his foot, one hand coming to your jaw to pull you into him deeper. You both clumsily walked towards his bedroom, Matt leading you backwards with closed eyes, just about missing the couch. Your hands left his hair and found the hem of his t-shirt, pulling it up over his head with vigour, breaking the kiss for a brief moment before crashing back into each other. Heavy breathing and small moans were the only sound in his house as he attempted to unbutton your shirt, not yet breaking the kiss and fumbling at the tiny circles that kept your body from him. He groaned into the kiss in frustration, biting your lip slightly before tearing your shirt open in one fowl rip. You chuckled into the kiss, Matt followed suit and your back hit the hard wood of his bedroom door, your arm frantically finding the door handle behind you.

When you finally gained entrance, still locked in an all consuming make out session with Matt, you slipped your hands between your bodies and began to untie the knot in his joggers, his whole body twitching at the sensation. Matt broke the kiss, panting, his forehead leaning on yours. 

“I thought you said we weren’t gonna do this anymore” He said through frantic breaths, his lips still brushing yours. 

“I know what I said” you muttered, finally undoing the bow that acted as the gatekeeper between your hand and his aching length, the swift insertion of your cold hand into his warm boxers acting as a mic drop to your statement as you pulled him into you once more. 

“So” Matt pulled away for a brief moment, missing the heat from your plump lips and kissing you before he spoke again, “what’re we doin” he panted. 

“Just shut up and kiss me, Matt” you shook your head, wrapping your hand round the back of his head, nearly giving him whiplash at the speed you pull his lips back to yours. 

He kissed you back hungrily, groaning into your mouth as he pushed you backwards onto his bed. You hit the bed with a small whimper as his mouth detached from yours, his tongue flattening against your neck, then your chest, then your stomach and then back up the way he came.

Your hands latched onto his curls as your back arched at the sensation of his mouth against you for the first time in what felt like forever. He moaned against your skin, grinding his hard cock into your desperate core, your clothes creating a frustrating amount of friction between the two of you.

He bucked his hips into yours, your legs tightening around his waist with every thrust. You were desperate, and he was starved of you. His large came to your open shirt and pushed it down over your shoulder, his perfect teeth clamping down on your soft skin. His mouth found the curve of your tit, pulling the lacy fabric of your bralette down to expose your hardened nipple to him. With one hand on your waist, and his mouth latched around your nipple, Matt groaned into your skin. Your head rolled back at the sensation of his warm tongue on you, your whole body felt like it was on fire as his touch became feverish.

"Matt, please, please, I need it, I need you" you whined, you weren't sure what you were begging for but the pleads spilled from your mouth almost on instinct.

Matt removed his mouth from you and tugged at your shirt, you shifted slightly to assist him as he threw it across the room. He palmed the flesh of your half exposed tits, growing frustrated at the sight of the baby blue lace of your bralette that kept him from seeing you completely. With one swift rip, he tore the flimsy fabric open at the seams, leaving it in scraps on his mattress. The vision of your heaving chest incited something animalistic in him and he instantly dove down, latching his mouth around you once more.

The moan that left your throat was guttural, your back arching off the bed as his hand slipped down between the two of you, skipping the teasing and heading straight for your throbbing clit. The tip of his middle finger found your nub instantly and without hesitation, he set an agonising pace, rubbing blissful circles over it as his tongue continued to work your nipple. He moved his hand down, swiping his ring and middle through your sopping wet folds. Your toes curled at the feeling and with that, Matt inserted his long fingers into your tight hole.

The feeling of you clenching around his fingers made his stomach tense, a deep, hungry moan leaving his mouth and vibrating around your tit. Your thighs clenched around his wrist, he brought his knee to yours and pushed your legs open with brute force, pinning you open for him as he made his way down your skin with wet and sloppy kisses. As he moved, he pulled down your pyjama bottoms and panties, the cold air peppering goosebumps all over your skin as he slowly exposed you to him.

You were completely bare, spread out on his bed. He got to his feet, knees resting on the edge of the bed as he gawked down at you, his chest heaving in anticipation at the sight of you like this for him, something he thought he'd never see again.

"are you sure y'wanna do this?" he said, removing his hands from you completely.

"Matt, you're the only thing I've ever been sure about in my entire life" you panted, sitting up, placing your hand on his chest and leaning up into him.

His fingers pressed against your core once more, attaching his lips to yours as you wrapped a hand around the back of his neck.

"I've missed you, so fuckin' much" Matt confessed into the kiss, pushing you further up the bed as he crawled between your open legs.

Your hands came to the waistband of his joggers and pushed them down with desperation, moaning into the messy kiss as he thrust his slender fingers in and out of you at a tormenting pace. You wrapped your hand around his cock and he bucked into your touch, chasing the feeling of you pumping him. He broke the kiss with a breathy whine, head dropping to the crook of your neck as he assisted you in lining his throbbing length up with your sopping hole. He pulled his fingers from you and rubbed small circles over your clit, you pressed his leaking tip against your hole.

Matt moaned your name, the feeling of your wet pussy so close to being around him making his vision go blurry.

His hand came to your face, pressing bruises into your cheek as he shifted you both to lay on your sides, facing each other. He moved his hand down, lifting your leg and hooked it over his waist, pulling you into him with such force that a short squeal left your lips. You continued pumping him, rubbing his tip through your folds, when you brushed him back over your hole, Matt bucked his hips, the sting of him stretching you out for a brief second inciting throaty moans from the both of you.

Once he had a taste, he was lost in it, and Matt pushed himself inside of you again, this time allowing himself to bottom out in your gummy, soaked walls. Your eyes rolled back at the sensation, your forehead pressing against his as he breathed desperate moans into your open mouth.

"Jesus christ you feel so fuckin' good" Matt whined, thrusting into you with one hand tucked between your face and his pillow, and the other on your thigh, the pressure of his touch sure to leave bruises behind.

He was bottoming out completely as your pussy milked him, clenching around his hard cock, and you felt as if you could cum from the sensation of his touches alone. Your whole body was tingling, every inch of your skin on fire with pure bliss as he fucked up into you at a steady pace.

"Matt, go faster, please" You whimpered, clawing at the back of his neck, tugging at the messy curls that gathered there.

He didn't need to be told twice, with a low growl, Matt set a rapid pace, fucking into you like it was the last thing he would ever do. Your moans were pornographic, the sting of his skin slapping against yours, coupled with the blissful stretch of your pussy around his cock sending you into a deep state of euphoria.

Matt grunted repeatedly, moaning your name over and over again as he fucked into you desperately. His moans made your ears ring, you brought a hand down in between you both and collected some of the juices that leaked from your pussy onto his cock, moving your fingers up to rub rapid circles across your puffy clit.

Matt grunted at the sight, his grip on your skin turning to blunt nailed scratches as he hardened his thrusts, pounding into you relentlessly as you worked your clit.

"keep doing that, angel, keep doing that for me, you feel so fucking good clenching around me like this, jesus christ, you're so fucking sexy when you touch yourself for me" he was rambling, completely consumed by the sight of you, the feeling of you milking his cock bringing him closer and closer to his release.

"fuck, Matt, m'gonna cum, m'gonna cum" you cried out, tears pricking at your eyes as he fucked into you at a rapid pace. the sensation of his merciless grip on your skin coupled with the stimulation of your throbbing clit making you see stars.

"cum for me, angel, cum f'me, I'm right there with you, m'right there with you" his words were almost incoherent.

The sound of him telling you to cum was enough to send you tumbling down into ecstasy, and he was right behind you. The vice grip your clenching pussy had around his cock was incredible, and wet sounds of your cum releasing all over his length filled the air as his pace became sloppy, chasing his high as he stuttered inside of you.

"Fuck, Matt" you cried out, and the sound of you crying out his name sent him over the edge.

He released threads of ropy cum into your gaping hole, fucking his seed into you as his movements began to slow.

Your breathless pants filled the room as you both came down from your highs, foreheads pressed against each others, sharing oxygen as your leg remained wrapped around his waist. His hand caressed the side of your face, pushing your hair out the way to look at your pretty, fucked out face. 

When you opened your eyes, he was already looking at you and the feeling of his eyes baring into yours made your skin hot. 

“Hi” you smiled. 

“Hey” He cheesed back, rubbing small circles on your warm cheeks. 

After a brief moment of loving stares, reality set in, and you remembered the agonising events that led you to being here, tangled up with him like this. The dark circles around Matts eyes that mimicked your own broke your heart, and in that moment, you couldn't bare the thought of never being away from him ever again.

“I um—I’m really sorry, Matt.” Your smile dropped into a sincere, pleading expression. 

“You don’t have to apologise to me, y/n” Matt shook his head against the pillow. 

“No, I —“ you sat up, resting on your elbow to look down at him. His hand on your cheek didn’t falter and you pressed your head into his touch with closed eyes, “I do. I’m so fucking sorry, Matt. I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I—I just freaked out because you called me baby and I —“ your rambling was cut off by his voice.

“Wait” he said, shifting to rest against his headboard, letting his hand drift down the soft skin of your arm, “all of this, was because I called you baby?” He asked through a short, baffled laugh. 

You nodded, some what embarrassed, sitting up completely in front of him, taking his large hand in yours and toying with the rings on his fingers. 

“But, I called you baby all the time” Matt chuckled, grasping your hand in his and gaining your attention back to his soft eyes. 

“I know, it just— it freaked me out because I think I realised in that moment that I was in love with you and, I just didn’t know how to handle that” you looked away from him again, the weight of your confession making your voice crack. 

Matts ears began to ring, “You’re in love with me?” He questioned, thinking his mind was playing tricks on him. 

You locked eyes with him again, he looked so soft, his kind eyes almost sparkling with happiness at your words, “yeah, I'm in love you, Matt” you nodded, “I am, and I — I tried to ignore it, I tried to push it down and forget about it but, I couldn’t, I don’t know how to forget you” 

Matt didn’t say anything, he felt as though all the words in the English language were ripped from his brain as you told him you loved him for the second time. He simply starred at you in awe, your hand firm in his grip. 

“Can you say something, please” you said, your eyes flitting away from his for a second before returning to their prior position. 

“Y/n/n, I— I’ve been in love with you since we were ten years old” the words spilled from his mouth, a wave of utter relief washing over him at the feeling of finally admitting a fact he’s known for half his life. 

“You have?” Your expression was pleading as your eyes widened at his confession. 

“I’ve loved you more and more everyday I’ve known you, I just didn’t realise it until that night when— when we kissed” He said, sitting up and lingering inches away from your face. He brought his hand back up to your face, “You don’t know how to forget me?” He chuckled, “I couldn’t ever forget you, even if I tried, even if I wanted to” his lips brushing over yours softly as you breathed into his parted mouth. 

You didn’t respond with words, instead, you pressed your lips against his with such force that it sent him back down to his satin pillow.

You were terrified, and completely enamoured by him. You loved him more than you'd ever thought possible and he loved you just the same. And despite the fact that the idea of being loved, truly loved, scared you beyond belief, you no longer felt like you were drowning. Because you knew that no matter what happened, Matt would always be there to dive into the rocky waters and pull you to the surface.

taglist: @sturniozalt @shaquilles-0atmeal @blahbel668 @sleepysturniolo @le4hsblog @prissyhs @mattslolita

[grandline-fics]

I love love loooooove your work! If I may, I'd love to request a little friends to lovers scenario with Ace ❤️‍🔥 perhaps with a bit of meddling from the crew, perhaps with a hint of a drinking game/drunken flirting? No matter what, I'm sure I'll love whatever you write as much as I've loved everything else so far 🥰 Hope you have a wonderful day!

DESCRIPTION: Tired of you being 'just friends' some of the crew decide to interfere to get you both together

WARNINGS: Nothing, just the fluff that comes with the friends-to-lovers prompt

CHARACTERS: Ace

WORDS: 1,590

A/N: I honestly don't know where I was going with this half the time but I really hope it's to your liking and fits what you were looking for. Thank you for the request!

*REQUESTS ARE OPEN*

DIRECTORY | PROMPT LIST

———————

From the day you and Ace met on the deck of the Moby Dick, your friendship was instantaneous and unshakable. After a week the crew had made bets on when you two would finally get together. Sadly for all of them, they were all unable to cash in on their guesses because still after all this time the two of you had yet to see the obvious. As far as you and Ace were considered the two of you were best friends and absolutely failed to see how utterly perfect you both were for the other. It was infuriating for the crew to see both you and Ace hook up with people on evenings the ship docked at an island. It annoyed them even more so to see that neither you or Ace would become in anyway jealous of those evenings. It wasn’t long before a new bet began to circulate around the crew about how long it would take for you and Ace to finally see what everyone else saw. Some were beginning to believe it was a lost cause for you both. Others however weren’t going to let that happen.

One evening you were sat on the railing of the ship, your back against Ace’s side with your head relaxed against his shoulder as you stared out at the ocean. This was your usual spot with Ace, one neither of you questioning how intimate it seemed as to the both of you it was just comfortable. Besides Ace was a naturally affectionate person so it wasn’t out of the ordinary for him to do this with anyone in the crew, it was just coincidence that you were the one he sought out most of all because you two were practically joined at the hip. Keeping your eyes on the calm waves you wordlessly took the slice of apple as it was being held out to you on the tip of Ace’s knife. As you finished chewing, the ship hit a rogue swell of the wave and lurched forward. Because you weren’t expecting it you tumbled forward, almost being knocked overboard. Thankfully you were saved by Ace’s arm bracing around your waist and pulling you back to safety.

“My hero.” You grinned up at Ace playfully, swooning fully into his arms as his laughs joined yours.   Your moment together was interrupted when Marco called for Ace. You yelped when he adjusted his hold on you and hauled you up onto his shoulder as he stood on the railing before jumping down onto the deck. Ace approached Marco who stared at you both with a practiced neutral expression. He was one of the members of the crew who was waiting for you and Ace to get together. This arrangement wasn’t anything new for Marco so he brought Ace into a conversation about the individual Division tasks needed to be done when they docked at the next island. Through it all you merely continued to be draped on Ace’s shoulder, enjoying being carried about the place. Just as you were getting comfortable in the position Izou called your name. With a sigh you expertly disentangled yourself from Ace’s hold while Ace also helped you back onto your feet, maintaining eye contact and his conversation with Marco through it all, his actions practically as natural as breathing. The sickening display of synchronicity only furthered Marco’s resolve that enough was enough. 

“Um, excuse me?” Izou and Marco turned to see a woman approach them not long after they all settled into the tavern. “I don’t want to make a fool of myself but that man over there. Is he single  or is he-” She moved to love over her shoulder at Ace but stopped when she saw you were now at his table, pulled onto his lap due to a lack of seats. “Oh…never mind. They’re a cute couple.” Together Marco and Izou shared a look and grinned. 

“This next round is on the house in honour of the newlyweds!” A voice shouted out from the bar. You and Ace cheered out with the entire bar at the prospect of free drinks, looking up in happiness in hopes of seeing who the married couple were but you couldn’t see them. It was a large building and already filled with groups. When Marco and Izou appeared with the drinks you sat forward in Ace’s lap to reach for your mug only to be stopped when Marco leant in to you both. “Thanks for the free drink you two-yoi.” He grinned before taking his seat. 

“Wait…what?” You laughed out slightly, glancing over your shoulder to see the bar owner smiling at you and Ace. Quickly you forced yourself to smile back and quickly turn your head back to Marco while Ace looked just as bewildered. “What made him think we were married?”

“That’d be my doing.” Izou answered smoothly, hiding his disbelief that even with you literally in Ace’s lap with his arm around your waist that either of you would find someone believing you two to be a couple to be confusing. “Marco bet me that I couldn’t wrangle free drinks from the barman and well, who can resist a couple of newlyweds?” 

The lie came from the Division Commander so cleanly and with such ease that you and Ace couldn’t even find anything in his demeanour to make you doubt his words. Together you and Ace shared a look, momentarily tense as you now really noticed your seating arrangement. Unable to help himself, Izou added more fuel to the fire. “I hope you two can convince him you’re actually a couple otherwise we could find ourselves in trouble. Remember we promised Pops we’d be on our best behaviour tonight.”

“Please,” you scoffed leaning back to settled against Ace’s chest and reached back to lightly cup Ace’s jaw while Ace tightened his hold around you, leaning into your touch. The both of your met Izou’s stare with mirrored confident smirks, never backing down from a dare. “There’s no way he’ll doubt us. Right sweetheart?”

“You got that right babe.” He chuckled before quickly pecking a kiss against your cheek making you laugh. Grinning, Ace placed another kiss against your cheek to draw another laugh out of you, finding this game to be enjoyable. He paused however when someone started to chant ‘Kiss’ at you both, drawing more and more voices into the chant until it was all you two could hear. 

Clearing your throat you turned in Ace’s hold until you were properly facing him, your hand remaining against his jaw while your other hand settled on his shoulder. You both met each other’s stare evenly and filled with trust and playfulness. To you both this was just a skilful ruse to avoid the owner of the bar from getting suspicious that you were both merely friends. Leaning in you let your breath ghost over his lips for just another brief enticing moment before the distance was closed and your lips met to the sound of whooping and whistles of the excited patrons. Not that either you or Ace were paying attention to the outside noise. 

All you two could focus on was the magnetic pull of each other, the kiss too dizzying and intoxicating to just stop right away but slowly and reluctantly you both parted. Sheepishly you both smiled at the other, eyes flickering down to the lips you couldn’t help but want to taste again. Both you and Ace didn’t truly know what to make of what had just happened but you knew something certainly had happened. Something that while it had been started because of a silly game, was something very real. Smiling softly, you turned in his hold to grab your drink and pass Ace his too, settling against him once more. Regardless of the kiss you felt no different in his arms, it still felt like security and home. A small smile played on your lips as you felt Ace’s hand remain on your hip and let his cheek rest against your head, showing he too didn’t feel uncomfortable with what just happened. 

When the crew began to scatter about the bar you felt Ace’s nose lightly nudge your cheek to get your attention and you turned your head slightly to meet his stare. Even with the alcohol in his system he still held a bright sharpness in his gaze. “I don’t know about you but that was one of the best kisses of my life…”

“Well it’s because of my kisses that you proposed, surely?” You teased before settling your hand on his arm that kept you anchored against him. “But seriously…yeah. One hell of a kiss.”

“I feel like if I ask for another it definitely wouldn’t be because we need to convince someone we’re together. It’ll be because I want us to be together.”

“So we’d have gotten married first, had our first kiss second, and now start dating third? A pretty weird order to do things.” You laughed, sitting up to wrap your arms around Ace’s neck and let your lips inch closer to his. “But you know what? It doesn’t feel weird at all.”

Ace nodded in agreement before eagerly closing the space against you once more to kiss you insistently and more heated than the previous kiss. 

Against the bar, Marco slid the large bundle of money over to the bar owner to cover the round of drinks that had been claimed as ‘free.’ “Worth every penny-yoi.”

------------------------------------------------

TAG LIST (If I've missed anyone or if you want to be added just let me know) @3v37773, @tsaaps , @i-am-all-love-puns-and-lazy , @sanemisnonexistenteyebrow , @fiery-captain-spider-santa @kabloswrld , @atanukileaf

[scaredycatqlt]

HII idk if your requests are still open but PLEASE can you do bojack/ mr peanutbutter dating head canons or any of your choice, the fandom needs more fanfics 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻

awwWWW YEAH BABYYY. You already KNOW it’s gonna be toxic.

WARNING: Potentially triggering content. Nothing graphic, but talk of toxic/unhealthy relationships, questionable shit, BoJack being BoJack. SUPER MEGA FUCKING ANGST WARNING!!!

BoJack X Reader! Headcanons [ROMANTIC💔]

woah boy.

where do I even start with this guy?

okay, so, first things first; bad idea. What the absolute fuck were you thinking.

You probably have a fix-it mentality don’t you?

You’re probably the first person to talk to him. He either doesn’t care about you at first, or absolutely despises you.

chances are you are/were a fan of the show. (Eughhh,,,,)

If you weren’t he’s like ‘>:0’

It’s not really explicitly labeled as a romantic relationship. You guys probably hooked up before you even knew each other.

So being in this (more so situation-ship than anything) is toxic, to say the least.

He’s got a whole bunch of problems and he doesn’t want to ruin you to. But he ends up doing just that anyways.

He guilt trips you. I don’t even need to say that.

He rants to you about silly things that don’t even matter. It’s kind of endearing (if he weren’t a total piece of shit.)

He’s actually really good at making conversation. You two always have something to talk about.

He can’t believe someone as ‘not-him’ as you would ever waste your time with him. He explicitly tells you this at one point.

The red flags are BLARING GIRL.

In your defense, you really didn’t know how awful he was. You just thought he was a deeply flawed man. And he is, but he’s also just an ass.

*a horse

The relationship doesn’t last. It never does with him. Either you decide to cut it off because it’s too toxic, or he cuts it off. Probably in some drunken stupor.

typical BoJack.

Mr. Peanut butter X Reader! [ROMANTIC]

I’d like to start off by saying it would be much less toxic than a relationship with BoJack.

But still problematic…

Mr. Peanut butter and you knew eachother before you were dating, probably friends for a little while.

You two end up dating and the beginning of the relationship is idealistic and perfect!

But problems quickly arise.

like for example, Mr. Peanut butter is kind and friendly but he isn’t exactly considerate or caring. He may care about you, but he ignores your needs sometimes. More often by accident.

For example, if you don’t like people-you’re still not getting left out of parties. Mr PB is more sympathetic and much less empathetic.

His love language is gift giving and words of affirmation. I think this is made very clear throughout the show.

PREPARE TO BE FUCKING SPOILED WITH GIFTS!!!

Whether you like it or not….

He’s very open with people about your two’s relationship and how he feels about you. He’s quick to praise you.

aside from some of the inconsiderate mess he is literally a golden retriever boyfriend <3

he is VERY quick to ask you to marry him. But I feel like if you told him you’d think about it or ‘no’ he’d understand. It’s a big decision HE might be ready for, but you’re not.

Scratch his ears.

I feel like you’d date him at a point in time where Diane isn’t a problem anymore. He learned after the first time…,,,

Sometimes he puts his needs infront of yours-without realizing it.

If you want to have a serious conversation-you’re going to have to initiate it. He HATES those, and prefers to pretend like it never happened.

I feel like there’s honestly a chance of a long term relationship with him! Or you two break up like, maybe a year or so into the relationship.

sorry I haven’t responded to requests in, like, over a month. I’ve been kinda busyyyyfhhjjjgjg 😭

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Code Blue Ch. 58- Absolution

Summary: Jo comes face to face with the past. A suspicion is confirmed. An invitation is given. Jo and Craig indulge, maybe a little too much. Lee overhears something that gives him a wake up call. He confronts one of his troubles. Lee, Jo and Craig all get the shock of their lives. Jo doesn't think twice to sacrifice but in the end, it didn't even matter.....

*Chapter Warnings* language, angst, self pleasure, alcohol use, smoking, gun use

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist:

March 23, 2022

Boston

Rain drizzled down your fogged up windshield as you silently sat in a distant daze, listening to the familiar trickling sound that brought back the memory of your first kiss with Lee in his car. A kiss so soft and so sweet, you could still feel his tender lips and taste the smooth traces of Crown Royal he had consumed that night. Whiskey. That damn whiskey that, according to Gerry's relayed rumors, caused Lee to have possibly hooked up with Angel in his drunken, vulnerable stupor. Letting your head fall back against the car seat, you sighed and cried along with the sobbing sky as you closed your eyes. Your whimpering voice then softly sang a few lines from the famous and catchy Johnny Cash song, only your version became a broken-hearted ballad.

"The taste of love is sweet when hearts like ours meet. I fell for you like a child, oh but the fire went wild. I fell into the burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down and the flames went higher and it burns, burns, burns, the ring of fire. The ring of fire..."

Pulling yourself together, you cleaned up your raccoon eyes then focused on what you were about to do. Face Peter. Before you had went to see Gerry, you did something that you would probably pay the consequences for later, which was calling Luke to see if he could pull some strings for you regarding the visit. In doing so, you had to swallow your pride over what happened between the two of you and also swallow your anger over his involvement in what happened to Lee's parents, for you would save that mess for another time. Luke was your only option because you knew you could have never asked Gerry, for he would have turned you down flat while scolding you with his Scottish slang about how crazy you were. Luke also risked facing Gerry's wrath as well for helping you, which that took some coaxing in getting the newly sworn in officer onboard with your unexpected request. Honestly, you figured Luke would laugh and hang up on you after your last encounter with him. Hell, you thought he wouldn't even answer your call at all but he did...and on the first ring. You explained to him that you needed to see Peter and that it had to be today before you lost the nerve to go, but that wasn't all. You wanted to be able to see Peter privately, face to face, with no window of separation so you could show your abuser that you did not fear him, although...you did fear the true identity of Peter, Heinrich, very much, for that side of him was a spitting image of his terrorist father Cesar. Your hopes were that it would make you stronger. Of course, Luke was against the idea at first and it wasn't because it could put his job in jeopardy and he didn't call you crazy either...it was because he was concerned for you after you broke down and confided in him about what Peter did to you. It was then that he understood your need to face him with little restriction, for Luke too, felt that way about his own abuser...his apathetic father.

Pulling out your phone, you opened a previously received text from Luke that simply stated "The deed is done. Enter at your own risk. Please be careful."

While staring at it, just as you had when you arrived in the prison's parking lot, the feeling of falling punched you in the gut harder than it had the first time. It was real now. All you had to do was make your cold feet warm up and move.

"I.D. please and then sign in on the visitor's log while I confirm this pre-arranged visit." the corrections officer responded after you explained the situation. "You can then put your personal belongings in the lockers and when the inmate is brought in, you must walk through and pass the body scan before entering the room. You will then have 30 minutes and a guard will remain present due to the prisoner's high risk status. A 6 foot distance is required and touching is not permitted."

Nodding, you bit your bottom lip as it quivered, then proceeded to hand him your license and sign in. As your hand trembled something fierce, you scribbled out your name, the time of 7:03 PM and the prisoner's name you requested to visit. Heinrich Faison, Peter's legal name.

Once you finished, you laid the pen down and that's when you noticed Peter's true name two entries up from your spot. Sliding your finger across the line to the visitor's name, a soft gasp forced your lips to part when you saw the name Sam Colin written in a very similar handwriting to Lee's, only the S was more serpentine with the other letters angling more to the left, almost as if the person were left handed. Not only that, but sham Sam had just been there shortly before you with a sign in time of 5:55 PM. Knowing only the little bit you knew of Lee's once dormant past, you were still 100% certain he remained highly proficient in his hidden skills and that he would still have contacts to aid him because Luke surely was and did.

Staring at the alias until the letters blurred, you instinctively picked the chained pen back up and discreetly brought it to your nose, searching for a trace of Lee's ever so potent Drakkar cologne that would consume the air in any room he was or had very recently been in. Nothing. Not a single hint of it could be detected. Would there be though? After all, if it was Lee who had been there, he clearly didn't want to be identified which is why you also knew you couldn't ask the currently distracted officer who was in the process of verifying your credentials.

Laying the pen back down, your eyes were then pulled to another name. Brad Wu, a young Chinese ex-physician currently serving a lengthy sentence for his dealings in the organized crime world as he was the nephew of Selena Wu, a ruthless Queenpin of one of the five families, the Triad. You and Jason knew him well because he was also Britt's best guy friend who, like Craig because of his father Cyrus, was forced into the dark underworld because of his blood relation to the mobstress. It wasn't Selena though who had visited Brad 3 hours prior. It was a man's name that, for some reason, sounded all too familiar. John Winchester.

Startled back to reality by the guard's voice, you were told your visit was approved and to proceed through the metal detector. Once through, passing with flying colors, your anxiety was now fueling your racing heartbeat as you were led to the private room where the rotten apple that didn't fall far from the terrorist tree would be waiting. The only difference between Peter and his father was Cesar Faison was sadistic psychopath where is Peter was a masochistic sociopath.

You now faced the ghost of the past. as he sat bound to a chair. Peter clearly was not told who his visitor was because his dark eyes lit right up with both surprise and delight when you walked in. Nothing had changed. He was still as delusional about you as ever. Just the sight of his devilish smile and the sound of his wispy voice was like the sensation of a thousand pins piercing every inch of your body. "Josephine? You came to see me. I knew you wouldn't be able to stay away."

"You're as beautiful as ever." he continued as you stood frozen beside the guard. "I love how your hair falls over the one side of your shoulder. It's so much longer now. Please...come sit with me. We only have 30 minutes. I have so much to say to you."

"I'll stand. The further away from you, the better and all you will get is 5 minutes, maybe 10, which is way too generous on my part after all that you've done to me. You have no idea how nauseated I feel right now just to look at you."

Anguish crippled his smile. "Josephine...you...you don't mean that. I..I love you. I'll be free of this place someday and I promise you, I will make everything up to..."

"SHUT UP!" you snapped as you bravely walked up to the table. "WHAT is WRONG with you??? You will never be free!! You drugged me, kidnapped me and locked me in a morgue drawer! I almost died!! THEN you were going to take me to another country against my will and make me a prisoner for the rest of my life. THAT is not love you deranged lunatic! Do you have any idea what your actions have done to me??? I still have nightmares. I am terrified of storms and the dark and I can't even get in something as simple as a fucking elevator without having an anxiety attack! And let us not forget, you shot me! I can't have children because of you!!!"

Peter had then became agitated, desperately struggling against the restraints to stand as he pleaded with you. "That was an accident! You know that! I was trying to save you from my father. He was going to shoot you Josephine! Just like he would have done that night if he would have found you with me. That's why I had to hide you in the drawer!"

"You never came back!! I ran out of air!!!"

"That's because of that boyfriend cop of yours! He screwed everything up. I had no choice to leave. I knew he would find you and that you would be alright and he did and you were!!"

"You are sick Heinrich. Just like your father!"

"Don't say that to me!! I am not him! I tried to shoot him when he was holding that gun on you at the hospital!! I never meant for the bullet to hit you!! You know that!!"

"Well it did! NONE of that would have ever happened if you had chose to be a good person and cut him out of your life like your sister did! Britt despises you too you know. You had us both fooled at one time and I despise you as well. How stupid was I to ever believe there was good in you??"

"The feeling has become mutual for my dear sis for sleeping with the enemy. You say you despise me too, yet here you are. Why not just stay away and ignore me like you have been??"

"I came here to face you and tell you to leave me alone! Stop trying to contact me. I never want to see or hear from you again Peter and I need you to HEAR ME for once. Let ...me...go. You will never have me. I feel nothing for you but disgust."

"All so you can be with that upstanding doctor?? You don't even know who he is!! I have been trying to tell you. I wrote you letters. It's his own fault his parent's were targeted and he killed my brother for it! And just look at my hand! He did this only hours ago and..."

You glanced at his bandaged hand, feeling no sympathy. "I know exactly who Lee is. He told me all about his past. Whatever happened to your hand and your brother, you both deserved it. You deserve to be exactly where you are. Were you and Cesar not in Salem that night to go after my brother??? Lee too?? It is YOU that I did not know."

Peter's eyes darkened as he leaned forward. "WE were at the hospital to find Britt and to seek refuge because once again, that meddling cop of yours had tracked us down and from what I understand, YOU followed him, so who's fault is it really that you got shot??"

"Well well well. It was only a matter of time before the sociopath surfaced. Time's up. I am so done here. That hand of yours looks pretty painful. I can only imagine what else could happen if you keep stalking me. If there's one thing I learned from my brother... No one's safe in prison."

Turning to leave, Peter's words sent your heart into your throat, but you didn't dare stop to look at him, for it would only verify to him that he was right.

"Oh Josephine...do say hello to Jason for me."

You barely made it to your car as your anxiety kicked in full force. Frantically tugging your sleeve up to reveal a rubber band around your wrist, you began to harshly snap it against your skin. It was a new trick that Craig had told you to try because he said it had helped his mother. Apparently the pain would distract her from her despair and offered much quicker relief than trying to focus on the senses and strangely....it was working to calm you too.

Now you knew that Jason and Britt were right to leave when they suspected Cyrus was onto them. Not only had Peter verified that Lee had been there but somehow...he knew Jason was alive. Lee never would have told him. That you would bet your life on, so your other bet was Cyrus had told Peter while he was in prison since they both shared a mutual hatred of your bother and that meant Peter had known for awhile.

You quickly called the last number Jason had texted you from, but as usual, it had been disconnected. He went through burner phones like underwear, but why hadn't he reached out to you with another? Could that be why you hadn't heard from Jason at all?? Had something happened to him??? And where was Britt? Her phone was completely off. Your only option now was to go to Jason's bff... Craig.

Salem

Craig had spent his afternoon chasing down another lead on his daughter, but like the other times, it led to a dead end. As he returned home, tortured, thirsty and in need of a friend, you to be specific, he stopped at your door to leave a sticky note upon it since he knew you were not there.

"Jo, Really need to see you. Wine? My place? Please stop by when you get home. -C"

Entering his apartment, he sulked and paced and drank the red liquid that would only depress him more. He then turned on the music, ear thumping loud just like he liked it. Craig enjoyed all kinds of music, but his usual go to was the softer side of rock, 70's mostly with David Bowie being the prominent preference, but this time he just hit shuffle in his uncaring state. Of course, the selection that played only added to his misery. It wasn't about Blaise though. It was about you, for the lyrics smacked him in the face just as hard as you had once before.

It used to be when I'd see a girl that I liked, I'd get out my book and write down her name. But when the grass got a little greener on the other side, I'd just tear out that page but then I fooled around and fell in love. I fooled around and fell in love. I fooled around and fell in love!! I fooled around and fell in love since I met you baby. Free, on my own, that's the way I used to be but since I met you baby, love's got a hold on me. It's got a hold on me now. I can't let go of you baby. I can't stop loving you now.

For a good half hour, Craig chose to torture himself and placed the song on repeat as he rapidly medicated himself. Soon, he dozed off in the chair only to have an arousing dream of you and the throbbing between his legs instantly awoke him.

On the borderline of both inebriation and needing a release, he then chose to take a cold shower to cure the agonizing ache but all the lathering of soap over his brawny body by his own hands only worsened the massive stiffness below him.

"Damn it!" Craig groaned as he placed one hand on the the wall for support and firmly grasped his cock with other, beginning to slowly stroke the ticking time bomb.

Closing his eyes as the sandalwood scented shampoo rinsed from his hair, creating soapy waterfalls that gushed over his sculpted shoulders, his mind tuned out the muffled music and went to the time you had tried to help him off the floor, but slipped in the paint and fell on top of him. Your mouths had been so close that he could still smell your cherry chap stick and he could still feel the petite curvy form of your body as both of your hearts pounded against each other. With his heart now pounding once again, the slow squeezing pace of his slippery strokes had become deeply intense. From base to tip, he quickly brought himself to climax, loudly panting, moaning and groaning through every jerking pulse as he watched his pearly essence shoot against the wall.

After another rinse over, he reached to turn the water off and that's when he heard your shouting voice through the music.

"Craig??? I saw your note! Your door was open! Are you ok??"

His eyes wide, he opened the shower door and peeked out. "Jo?? Yeah, yeah..I..I'm fine... H..hold on. I'll...I'll be right out."

Half ass drying his body and hair with a towel, he stopped to stare in the mirror, lightly gulping as he wondered if you had heard his pleasureful cries.

"Fuck" he whispered as he frantically struggled to slip on a satin robe and pants set over his damp body, then pulled himself together and walked out with an out of thin air and very cheesy explanation if you were to ask about it. In his line of work, he had become accustomed to lying and was damn good at it...but he couldn't do it so easily with you. It was still eating at his very soul that he knew Lee and Ethan were still legally hitched. Did it even really matter if Lee hadn't put a ring on your finger? Craig figured he would just cross that bridge when or if he got to it.

It took a moment for you to find your words when Craig appeared before you, wearing a black satin robe, wide open in the front revealing his perfectly smooth defined pecks and abs that shimmered in the soft lighting from the moisture.

Grinning at your reaction, Craig confidently swayed over to shut the music off. "Something...wrong?"

Your words finally came out in a stutter. "N..n..no...I...well. I've clearly interrupted your shower...I..I should p..probably g..go."

"Come on now Jo. Nothing to get all frazzled about. I've seen yours and now you've seen mine."

Your eyes popped. "Www..what??"

Craig chuckled and changed his course to the wine, pouring 2 glasses. "Your nighty, remember? And now you've seen me in my night attire."

"O..ohhhh." you laughed in relief. " that... well...I'm not frazzled."

Yes you were. Extremely. Did you really think a man of Craig's stature and physique would wear anything else but satin to relax in?? Afterall, the mob man wore enough silver to ward off witches and werewolves and bathed in a woodsy scented cologne that transported you deep into a fairytale forest.

"I just didn't expect to...to um...catch you in the shower...are...are you ok? I...I heard...."

"Oh that!" he swiftly expressed and handed you the glass. "Yeah, damn funny bone. Hit it on the shower handle. Not so funny though. Hurt like a bitch."

"Yeah, agreed." you smiled. "Sorry for just walking in. As usual, your music was too loud for you to hear me knock and I just figured with the invite from your note that I..."

His heavenly smile and baby blues softened, almost in a sad way. "Jo..it's completely fine. I'm really glad you're here."

"Ok, well. I know you said you're ok physically, but...are you ok...otherwise? Your note said you needed to see me and you seem...I don't know. You were playing a love song on repeat. What's wrong Craig?"

Hating to do it, he harmlessly fibbed again to keep his undying love for you a secret. "Oh that little tidbit. Damn player gets stuck sometimes. Happened when I was in the shower. Anyways, I don't want to bore you with my problems. What about you love? How was your day after the night you had? You feeling better?"

"Well, let's see. After you left earlier this afternoon, I found out I was single via Facebook which I should have already figured that after Lee's cold words to me yesterday AND then I was informed that he had another round of drunken sex with someone he claims to loathe...but I don't want to talk about that. I just can't process it right now of how little I really meant to him."

Both of his naturally arched brows arched even more as both shock and disgust raged through him, but he hid it well. Another talent he had mastered for necessary reasons. "Jo I...sweetheart, I am so sorry. Forgive me for even asking this, but...do you know who that someone was?"

It was like you could read his mind in that moment. "Oh god no. Craig, it wasn't Ethan. You know I would tell you if it were because of the situation with Blaise and how she and Ethan are both missing. It was that skank neighbor of his."

Craig's anger could no longer be concealed as a sarcastic rampage rolled out of him. "Ahh, the red porch light bitch who was carelessly watching my daughter when she disappeared. Lee knows what it's like to lose a kid but I guess his other brain didn't give two shits when it came to fucking the person partially responsible for my missing child. It might as well HAD been Ethan that he screwed or hell, even Lizzy when she was alive!!! No difference!"

Your response was soft and sympathetic. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. I told you I didn't want to talk about it."

Feeling remorse, he downed a newly poured glass of the red liquid and sighed. "No Jo...I'm sorry. I shouldn't have blown up at you. I just can't fathom any of it. What a fool. Being lucky enough to have the love of a woman like you and then cheating on you, especially with lowlife trash like that tramp. I mean, just look at you. You're a fucking goddess in my eyes. A queen if I may. If you only knew...."

Realizing his pathetic and embarrassing words of impairment followed by an almost admission of his feelings, Craig clammed right up and went to pour another drink, feeling your eyes upon him.

"If..if I...only knew...what?" you squeaked.

He released a soft chuckle as he brought the bottle to refill your glass. "Aaaaaand, I should really shut up now before this truth serum gets me into more trouble. Sooo, how about we talk about something pleasant?"

Feeling flattered, yet awkward over his descriptively sweet admiration of you, you quickly obliged to his request. "Craig...I...I went to see Peter today."

He slightly choked on his wine, knowing he had just ordered "Negan" to take the trash out. "You..you did?? Alright. Well...I think I can understand why you went after all that you told me about him earlier today, so I'll just ask you then, are you ok? Did it help?"

"It didn't seem to at first, but now, I feel different. Absolved maybe, of many things. Anyways, regardless of your note, I was on my way to see you. Have you heard from Jason at all??"

The fear in your voice stiffened his stance right up. "I haven't. What's going on Jo?"

"Peter...he made it very clear that he knows Jason is alive and I called the last number he texted me from and it's out of service and before Jason left with Britt, he told me he believed that your dad knew too which is why they left and..."

There was no hesitation to Craig's commanding interruption. "Eh eh eh, don't call him that. Cyrus or soulless blood sucking vampire will do just fine. Let me make a quick call."

Craig bee-lined to a drawer, pulled out a phone that you knew from sight was not the one he always used and pushed one button...and from what he said to the other person, you knew it was Sonny Corinthos, the Don of the Northern Seafront... Craig's, Jason's and Jeffery's boss who all 3 were fiercely loyal too.

"It's me. Our suspicions were correct. Cyrus is aware as is Peter August....Yes, the source is credible."

Craig then walked into the back room and all you hear was his muffled voice as he continued the conversation. While he did that, you sat and nervously gulped down 2 glasses of wine and even lit up one of Craig's cigarettes, for your emotions were all over the place with all that had happened in the course of 24 hours.

About 15 minutes had went by and then you heard Craig's voice before he reappeared. "Affirmative."

"Well?" you anxiously asked as Craig walked in, sniffing the air with furrowed brows.

"Were you...smoking?"

"Sorry. Nerves. I just had one."

"It's fine love. Have all you want. Anyways..."

Craig paused and lit up his own smoke. You could tell he was reluctant to tell you what Sonny had said. "I am to let you know not to worry and that it's not a situation you should be involved in. Sonny will handle it....his words. Sorry. I tried Jo."

Fuming, you sprung to your feet. "That condescending son of a bitch! Not to worry or be involved?? He's my brother and he could be in trouble or..or.."

Your anger then turned in to sobs. "Or really dead this time."

Craig rushed right to you and placed his hands tenderly upon your cheeks. "Hey, don't think that way ok sweetheart? You know how resourceful Jason is. This isn't his first rodeo. What I think is that he is protecting the woman he loves and they are probably shacked up in one of Sonny's many safe houses until he feels it's time to resurface and he's probably protecting you too by not contacting you."

"But...but..." you sniffled. "He's not immortal Craig. If it weren't for you saving him before, he would have died then. He has no one to help him now."

"Jo, remember who he is. He has many connections and he's being cautious by not reaching out to the obvious ones. As much as you despise Sonny, he loves Jason and will use all of his own resources to find him."

You pushed him away. "Right, like all the resources you have and cannot even find your own daughter!"

You unintentionally had gutted him. The way he looked at you and then let his eyes fall away as he remained speechless made you want to wrap that rubber band around your head and snap it against your facetiously impulsive mouth.

You desperately but gently laid your hand upon his stubbly cheek and coaxed him to look at you. "Jesus, oh my god Craig. I did NOT mean that, I swear! I am SO sorry! I don't know what's wrong with me anymore. Things just fall out of my mouth when I'm upset and..."

He took your hand and slowly pulled it down to meet his other hand to hold yours inside the two as he softly smiled. "I know you didn't or you wouldn't be so sincerely apologetic.. but it's still the truth all the same. I...had a lead today about Blaise and...it fizzled as usual."

Briefly closing your eyes, you sighed and squeezed his hands. "So that's why you wanted to see me. You needed a friend and I just made you feel a thousand times worse. I'm such an asshole."

"Jo, we all say things we don't mean. You and I should both know that by now and you're not an asshole." he chuckled. "You're just beyond stressed. I get that."

Still holding his hand, you led him to the small table bar. "Stressed and losing my buzz. Come sit with me and talk to me while we get shitfaced, yes? I'm so over this day."

"Shitfaced huh? You don't have to ask me twice for that love."

It was now 10 p.m. Two hours had gone by while you and Craig emptied three bottles of wine as he reminisced about Blaise and happily shared many good memories and baby photos with you. It made him glow to say her name and speak about her and that made you so happy. His eyes twinkled like stars the entire time. His smile stretched from ear to ear and his laughs were hearty and plentiful. For that short time of normalcy, reality didn't exist and it was quite alleviating, especially to see Craig just be himself...in the song sense, a simple kind of man, something you could love and understand.

A 4th bottle had gone and 11 p.m. soon came. Craig was feeling good. Way too damn good as he had drank the majority of the wine. Enough so that his speech was slurring and he was rather clumsy, falling off the bar stool in the middle of a laughing fit which had you laughing so hard you snorted, for you too, were feeling way too damn good.

Drunkenly diving forward from your stool, you plummeted to your knees beside him to try and help him up. "Alright. Someone's clearly had way too much wicked wine besides me. Let's get you up Mr. Parker."

"Wait, wait, wait. Did you just... snort???" he asked in all seriousness as you uselessly tugged at his hand.

"Did I?" you answered with a a question as you giggled and accidentally snorted again.

Laying dead weight on his back, Craig bellowed in laughter and what a glorious sight that was, for he had long since taken the robe off and simply bore the black satin pants. "Well, unless one of those little piggies got in here that John is after, I do believe it was you sweet..." he hiccupped, "tart...I mean sweetheart."

You tilted your head. "John? You mean, Jeffrey right?"

"Seriously." you chuckled and took his hand again. "Let me get you into bed."

You stupidly set yourself up for what happened next as he pulled you on top of him and slyly grinned like a fox while his buff arms snuggly locked around your back. "Well now, that sounds like a plan."

The heat of his sweet breath and bare upper body took your breath away as the tips of your noses united. Once you were able to sever the hypnotic gaze he held you in, you tried to wriggle free as you giggled. "You know that's not what I meant. Now come on. Let me go."

The foxy grin momentarily returned, then it faded as he gazed at you. "Not until you tell me why you're the most gorgeous creature I have ever seen?"

You frowned and broke eye contact. "I can't because it's not true."

His brows pinched together. "She don't know she's beautiful? Is that what you're trying to say? Don't be coy now. You've got a convoy of men at your beck and call. I should know because I'm one of them."

Your eyes locked back onto his. "Yeah well, then why am I not good enough?"

"What?? What do you mean love? Are you referring to that demon of a nurse named Angel? She's a warthog with lipstick who's ironically been pumped more times than a farmer's well."

You hysterically guffawed and snorted into Craig's neck who released a gleeful chortle. "You know I'm right Jo. Now look at me."

You raised your head, still carrying a lingering smile as he continued. "You...are....fucking....phenomenal. Even your nose is beautiful." He then tapped the tip of your nose. "BOOP! Bee...eee...ayyy...utiful."

Your eyes widened. "Really?? Did you just boop my nose like I'm a baby??"

"Why yes I did and I'll do it again. BOOP!"

"Oh my god." you playfully sniggered. "Alright. GET UP."

"Nooooo." he whined with a grimace.

"Ok, then I'll make you."

You dug your fingertips into his ribcage on each side and aggressively tickled him.

"GAHHH!!!" he shrieked and shoved you off, then staggered to his feet panting. "HOLY HELL NO!"

"HAHA!!! Got you up."

He winked. "Yeah well I can think of easier ways to do that."

"Go. Now. Get in bed before you fall again and break a hip."

"Ooooh ouch. I'm not that old."

"No, but you're trashed and that'll do just as much damage. Bet you'll have a nice hefty bruise on your ass tomorrow."

"I'll be sure to show you if I do."

"Please don't." you giggled and and tried to pull him down the hall, but he slipped free of your grip and successfully trotted over to the stereo. "Craig, come on. What are you doing?"

"One song. One dance."

"What?? No Craig. I'm tired. You're sauced."

He took your hand and gave pitiful puppy eyes and a pouty lip. "But we're having fun. You make my shit life worth living. Please...dance with me."

You rolled your eyes. "Fiiiiine. ONE dance."

As he eagerly pulled you close, one hand on your upper back, the other on the small of it, the music began. You let your arms raise over his broad shoulders and placed one hand on the back of his neck and the other just below it. Slowly, you both moved in a perfect circle, eyes intertwined until he lowered his head to rest his sizzling cheek against yours. Closing his eyes, Craig began to sing in a whisper into your ear.

"So long, I've been looking too hard, I've been waiting too long. Sometimes I don't know what I will find. I only know it's a matter of time. When you love someone. When you love someone. It feels so right, so warm and true. I need to know if you feel it too. Maybe I'm wrong. Won't you tell me if I'm coming on too strong. This heart of mine has been hurt before. This time I want to be sure. I've been waiting for a girl like you to come into my life. I've been waiting for a girl like you. You're a love that will survive. I've been waiting for someone new to make me feel alive. Yeah, waiting for a girl like you to come into my life..."

Your eyes closed as the song went on, allowing yourself to take all of his closeness in. His scent, the way he felt against your body, the lyrics he now mumbled.

"When you love someone. Yeah, I really love someone. Now, I know it's right from the moment I wake up 'til deep in the night. There's nowhere on earth that I'd rather be than holding you tenderly."

You had to wonder, did he mean them? Or was he just singing? You were pretty sure you knew the answer and you were also pretty sure he purposely chose the song to help him express his feelings.

Sliding his cheek along yours, he now faced you, resting his forehead upon yours. His dilated eyes fluttered open and he traced his fingertips tenderly down your jawline, ceasing them under your chin as his feet also ceased and then...his lightly parted lips crept towards yours. Your eyes closed, anticipating their touch and just as they were close enough to tickle your lips, he swiftly pulled back, releasing you all together.

Craig placed one hand on his hip and the other to his mouth, his eyes glassy and wide. "I...I...think I'm going to be sick."

Off he swerved down the path to the bathroom with you chasing after him, but he swiftly shut the door before you could follow him in.

"No Jo, stay out. You don't want to..."

He paused and then you heard the upchuck. Roughly thirty seconds of silence went by in which you became concerned. "Craig???"

He did not answer so you had no choice but to defy his orders and went in. There he laid upon the cold tile, on his back, knees bent and his arm draped over his forehead as he gazed at the ceiling.

You immediately knelt beside him, feeling great empathy, for you had been in his position many times. "Oh Craig sweety, come on. Let me help you up."

In his humiliation, he said nothing and humbly accepted your help. Once he was in bed, he sighed and smiled, then turned onto his stomach to prop himself up. His lids were heavy as he tried to look at you sitting beside him. "Well that was absolutely embarrassing."

You softly giggled and placed your hand on his. "Hey, you've seen me in a bad way before, so now we're even once again. Why don't you lay back and try to sleep this off. I'll stay to make sure you're alright."

His slitted eyes fully opened. "You...you would do that for me?"

"Of course I would. Look at everything you have done for me Craig. Let me go turn off the music."

"No, please. Leave it on. It helps me sleep. I..I don't like the silence."

"Oh, ok. Let me at least get you some water."

You came back with an ice packed glass of water to find him still awake, but laying on his back under the covers. It made your teeth hurt to watch him gulp it down in less than 3 seconds.

"Ahhhhh." he sighed and sat the empty glass on the nightstand with a wobbly hand, then laid back down. "Hits the spot. Thank you Jo, for taking care of my drunk ass. It means a lot to me. You....mean a lot to me."

His eyes became heavy once more and as he desperately tried to fight it, he mumbled himself to sleep.

"I fooled around and fell in love. I fooled around and fell...."

"Asleep." you whispered as you gazed upon him, feeling rather melancholy and confused, but your mind was too scrambled by booze to sort it all out.

You laid down, keeping your distance from Craig and soon enough, you also passed out.

It was 6 a.m and Lee had just finished the last half of his shift at the hospital. He had earlier chosen not to go in due to the prison visit, but he wanted to keep busy instead of drinking himself into oblivion once again, for it was only taking a toll on his anxiety. The only problem was that it didn't keep the thoughts of you away. There was no absolution regarding you, no matter how much whiskey he drowned himself in, but he was certainly tempted to try as he sat in his office, repeatably glancing at the caramel colored liquid upon the table.

Giving in to only take one hefty swig, he gathered his things and headed out. As he was leaving, he unfortunately overheard the gossiping nurses speaking with Angel and he froze solid at the mention of your name. Concealing himself in a darkened hallway, he soon learned that you were seen in the ER for a severe anxiety attack, but the entire conversation was mostly revolved around how Craig was with you and how damn hot he was and that he and Orlando exchanged bitter words.

Immediately, he made his exit out the back to avoid Angel and ran into someone far worse... Gerry, who was walking across the parking lot. The two rivals glared each other down in their passing until Lee grabbed the detective's arm at the last second, spinning him around.

"The next time you put your lips on a woman, make sure she's available and that it's reciprocated."

Gerry looked down at his arm and then back up at Lee with a cocky grin. "Oh it WAS reciprocated. Even got a little tongue action. I'm on duty. I suggest you remove your hand before I take you in for assault."

Lee snickered and released him. "Judging by your face, looks like someone else beat me to the punch."

Gerry chuckled as he lit up a cigarette. "Yeah, you should see the other guy. Hey, you know him pretty well Doc. The tough guy ex WSB agent who thought he could fuck with me just like you think you can do right now. You know, you really should watch him when it comes to the woman you speak of. She has this tendency to have men wrapped around her sweet little finger. Gets them to do crazy things. Trust me, I know."

Lee bravely stepped forward. "I don't fucking like you."

"Hey hey hey, I like you even though you're the one who actually cheated." Gerry riposted as he blew smoke in Lee's face.

"What the fuck do you mea....you know what, never mind. It's too early in the morning for your fucking circus. Leave Jo alone. Your badge is nothing but a piece of tin in my eyes."

Lee snatched Gerry's cigarette straight from his lips and took a long drag, then crushed it beneath his foot and retreated.

Gerry scoffed and yelled back as he too walked away. "Can't do that bro. I had her love first. Remember that."

Once in the car, his entire body shook with rage as he white knuckled the steering wheel. Pulling his flask out of the glove box, he sucked it dry and then regrouped, for his main concern was your well being right now. He would deal with Gerry later if needed.

Lee then called you to see how you were doing. When you did not answer, he figured you were either sleeping or ignoring him but it didn't matter...he had to see you, for in that moment, his guilt sucker punched him over how poorly and unfairly he had treated you. Would it be too late? Would you offer him no reprieve after his heartless words? Had he pushed you too far this time? Would you choose Gerry eventually?

As he approached your door, he hesitated to knock, fearing either a slap in the face would be served or even worse, laughing in his face considering he believed he had it coming...but he would weather the storm to make sure you were alright. After multiple knocks, he decided to call you once again and when he did, his head whipped around to the sound of your ringtone coming from inside the apartment door across the hall.

Ending the call, Lee slowly made his way to the door and then he stood there in the silent hallway, listening, but all he could hear was muffled music from inside the apartment.

"Jo?" he called out as he knocked, which jimmied the unlatched door open.

Cautiously, he pushed it open to see a dimly lit empty room filled with the scent of your vampire perfume and cigarette smoke which left a floating fog in the air.

"Jo???" he called once more, but when he received no response, he stepped inside to look around.

Bottles of wine sat on the table where your purse and phone laid, blinking from his call and beside that was a full ashtray and two glasses, one revealing light sticky chap stick residue that formed visible lip imprints around the rim. And on the floor was a silky robe. Lee's heart sank into the pit of his stomach when he realized what he would soon find.

He turned to the lighted hallway and forced his feet to move. With great stealth, he followed the path that led to an open door and without hesitation, he walked inside.

It was instant, the devastation and heartbreak riddling his face and the sting of tears welling up into a glistening pool, clouding his vision. What he saw he could not unsee. You, sound asleep on the bed with your arm slung over your snoring shirtless landlord whom he assumed to be naked under the blanket that covered you both from the waist down.

As Lee moved closer to the side you were on, his furtive skills had been disabled from the shock along with the ability to think or react. Whispering your name was all he could do before he tripped over your boots that laid before his feet and stumbled into a picture frame upon the wall, knocking it off.

Your eyes blinked a few times before completely opening and then you saw him. "Lee??? Am I drea..."

Realizing it was no dream, you sprung to your feet with a screeching gasp which in turn awoke Craig. Although half awake, his mobster mode kicked right in and in merely seconds, he had a gun pointing right at Lee.

Without hesitation, you raced in front of Lee. "NOO! Put the gun down Craig!!!"

"JESUS!" Craig shouted in panic as he dropped the weapon. "Don't you EVER step in front of a gun Jo!!! What the fuck were you thinking???"

"Yes Jo...what were you thinking?" Lee calmly whispered, causing you to spin around to face him.

"To not let you die???"

"That's not what I was asking. I'd gladly take a bullet to kill this pain."

Tilting your head at him, you finally realized what was happening. "Oh noooo. No, no, no Lee. This is not what it...."

Craig interrupted with an angry growl. "What in the hell are you doing in my apartment! AND at 7 in the fucking morning?? How did you get in here?!!!"

Lee's eyes darted to him, slitting like a snake. "It opened as I knocked. You should be more careful with that. After all, there is a reason you carry a gun isn't there?"

"And here I thought I was the wise guy." Craig snapped as he put the gun away and tightened the drawstring on the pants Lee assumed he was not wearing. "Although it's MY bedroom, I'll show myself out to relieve myself after this fiasco. I don't take kindly to intruders. Be gone when I get back Dr. Pace. Next time I won't be so nice."

Craig stormed out and Lee just stared at you as if he was looking right through you. "I suppose I expected this with Gerry but with this guy? Wow, you really got me there."

"Yeah, just like you really got me too when you slept with Angel!!"

Lee's brows furrowed and then it finally clicked as to what Gerry meant by saying Lee was the one who actually cheated. "Now wait a minute. I don't know what you heard or think but..."

"Shut up! I don't even know why you're here. You ended us remember?? Fuck forever?? Back to single on social media the very next day?? All because I was honest with you about Gerry and everything else that day at the cemetery but honesty is something you know nothing about AND for fuck sake Lee. I just stood in front of a fucking gun to protect you without a single thought for my own life and THIS is all you can think about?? Even if what you think happened here DID happen, it's technically none of your damn business anymore now is it??? So let me give you a taste of your own medicine Doc...FUCK FOREVER!"

The physical pain of Lee's anxiety was written all over his face and as you sped past him to leave, purposely banging the door against the wall, he had to briefly cover his mouth in fear he would hurl right then and there.

Successfully keeping his vomit at bay, he then turned and raced off after you.

*to be continued........................

@redeemer46

[wonuwrites]

"Chewing Gum" Seventeen Song Reaction

omg y'all i am SO excited for this one because

I get so show y'all the queen Nina Nesbitt

this song serves cunt

it's angsty and gives submissive men LMFAOOO

This song is one of my all time favorite songs and I am so excited to write it. I hope it doesn't disappoint y'all <3

afab!reader x down horrendous!seventeen

warnings: angsty, smutty, MINORS DO NOT INTERACT, submissive men being down bad, sad svt, suggestive, cussing, Mingyu's mentions smoking and wet pussy hell yeah, Vernon has some orgasm denial bc reader and him are toxic as hell lmfao,

Just like my other song reactions, the preferences are in order of the song lyrics <3

⧂ Woozi: "Cause I'm a made-up mess in a backless dress."

Jihoon didn't like going out often but it was one of those nights where he couldn't just stay home. His friends dragged him out and honestly, it was one of the most bittersweet things. Why? He met you. He never knew someone with this amount of beauty could exist ever. You both got to know each other throughout the night but before he could get your number or any other form of communication you were gone. It was as if you never even existed and he just felt a bit remorseful that he would never get to know more about the goddess in a backless dress.

⧂ DK: "I don't wanna lead you on, cause I'd only do you wrong oh oh."

The moment Seokmin started to pursue you, you felt your cold heart break. Not because of anything in particular but the thought of hurting someone so... innocent just made you feel guilty. He was persistent at first as they usually all are. He would ask you "what makes you so sure you are going to hurt me? This could be fun, babe." He looked so damn handsome in the blinding light of the club but you didn't want to do someone as charming as Seokmin wrong by leading him on. You had been doing this long enough to realize that he was more of a lover boy than just a one night stand kinda guy.

⧂ Wonwoo: "You can have my heart but you're not going to leave with it."

Wonwoo wasn't the biggest fan of casual things but when he met you he couldn't help but want you no matter what that entailed. When you first saw him, you knew you wanted him. He looked fun. When you walked up to him he told you he wasn't a fan of casual one night stands which bummed you out but you thought about it for one second before saying, "what if I give you my heart for the night?" "Just the night?" You looked up at him with begging eyes and it was enough to convince him. He was after all... just a man. Plus, he as well loved a challenge.

⧂ Minghao: "Lying in the dark, yeah you almost believed in it."

Minghao had you all figured out the moment he met you. He knew that being your boyfriend was a lost cause and that if anything were to happen, it would be either a one night stand or a casual once in a moment type of deal. After one of your rendezvous you both laid next to each other while catching your breaths. He glanced at you and in the dark lit room he almost believed that there could be a chance where you could be end game. When you made eye contact with him his heart broke as he remembered the reality and sat up. "Until next time, (Y/N)," he whispered before grabbing his shirt from the floor.

⧂ Hoshi: "You got me wrong I've got you hanging round my neck screaming romance isn't dead."

Soonyoung is not an idiot by any means but when he is down for someone, he may seem like it. You both agreed when you both started to hook up that it was just casual and nothing more. Both of your schedules were not commitment friendly so this was the best. Or so he thought. He couldn't help being a hopeless romantic especially when it came to you. Normally he could hide it but when he got drunk he would be all over you and when you were wrapped in each other in a drunken bliss, he would whisper that 'romance is NOT dead' and how he loved you.

⧂ Vernon: "Oh you know that I'm down for whatever, but oh I told you that it won't be forever."

You were very stern with your terms and conditions when you first met Hansol but he loved to test the limits of putting a title on what you could be. Plus, it was getting hard to keep going on knowing that it was not going to be forever. One night when you let him in your bed once again you were begging him to let you cum and he realized how much power he had for once. "You can cum if you give me forever, baby girl." You glared at him when you realized what he said. You bit your lip and shook his head and he tsked before removing himself from you. "Guess you're on your own tonight then, (Y/N)." He got himself dressed even though you were telling him to stop and come back and finish what he started but he ignored you and you swore he was selfish.

⧂ Seungkwan: "Oh how come you still think that you're the one? Baby, I'm just chewing gum until the flavors gone."

All you could say is that you warned Seungkwan, but he couldn't help it. He thought maybe he had a chance by the way you moaned his name and the way you looked him in the eyes when you both came undone. However, you were a woman of your word. The next time he saw you, you were on the arm of some other guy and he was just another memory. When he confronted you about it later, you simply just looked at him and told him, "I told you to enjoy it while we had it, I'm sorry baby boy if you wanted more."

⧂ Joshua: "Let me tell you straight, I could be your worst mistake."

"I don't make mistakes," Jisoo said while cocking an eyebrow at you. You were warning him that he was making a huge mistake trying to pursue you. You weren't a hooker or prostitute or anything. You just were someone who loved her freedom. You didn't want to be tied down to one guy. Even if that one guy was Hong Jisoo aka literally the sexiest man to ever exist. You wanted him, he wanted you, but you also wanted freedom. "Listen, (Y/N), I'm willing to work something out with you because a mistake would be me letting go of a chance to hear what pretty noises I can get you to make." You blushed before leaving with him shortly after. What's one night?

⧂ Jun: "Or you could get the best of me, forget about the rest of me."

Unlike the rest, Jun found a way to make you stick around and have a softer side. When you met Jun, you were stuck on your ways and had a "fuck the patriarchy" mentality. While some thoughts stayed, you found that love wasn't as terrifying as you knew it to be. You found the best parts of yourself while learning to love and trust Jun. Even though he could rightfully so say "told you so" he never did because well, there were things he learned from himself because of you.

⧂ Mingyu: "With your cigarette in between your teeth, you could light me up if I forget to breathe, oh oh."

Something about the sight of Mingyu with a lit cigarette in his mouth made your pussy drip. Something about it just made everything about what you both were seem even more dangerous, lethal, sexy, wrong, and dangerous. You were typically a dominant person in the bedroom and when you met Mingyu for the first time he let you have his way with him until one time he switched it up. Ever since, every sneaky link encounter you both try to see who could fold first. Whoever folded first ended up being the sub. Even though you enjoyed him begging you to cum, you also enjoyed begging him for mercy as well.

⧂ S Coups: "Thought you were strong now I've got you tied up in the bed screaming romance isn't dead."

Seungcheol was for lack of better words: "down bad." Normally in the bedroom he was the dominant one but he was so pussy drunk for you that he found himself whimpering while pulling against restraints on his own bed while you had your way with him. He felt so small whenever he subbed for you but if this was the way he could have you he would do it for you. He loved you so much and he wished you could see and feel how much love could be for both of you.

⧂ Jeonghan: "Yeah you're stuck on me now I can't move, give it just a night and I'll cut you loose."

Jeonghan loved a challenge and heard all about you. You had the right amount of mommy and daddy issues that peaked his interest. He heard that you were someone who just wanted a good time for a night or two and he was the same way. However, neither of you expected it to exceed more than at most three nights. However after almost six months of "this is the last time" you both were obsessed with the way you both knew each other's bodies. It got to a point of being a hate fuck for you with an underlying bit of love making. Tonight was just like the others, as he unzipping your dress you growled into his ear, "this is the last time, Jeonghan." This would cause him to smirk before whispering, "keep telling yourself that, princess."

omg someone with more patience make this into a long fic for me.

⧂ Dino: "Oh Oh, I told you that it won't be forever, so how how come you still think that you're the one?"

When you looked at Lee Chan all you could see was that he was pussy drunk and delusional. When you laid the rules and conditions down of what you would go down, he agreed because he honestly just needed a night of fun with no strings attached as well. However, at the end of the day he is a romantic and he couldn't help but think maybe one day he could change your mind. Everytime you both got together he would mentally pray that this time you would come to your senses that you both could be end game.

[shrekgogurt]

An ask game for writers to procrastinate working on you WIP(s)

Thanks for the tags @theearlgreymage and @wellbelesbian !!!!

🦈Tell us the name of your/ one of your WIP(s)

For the sake of this endeavor I’m gonna focus on I Knew A Boy, I Knew A Man which is also more affectionately referred to as IKABIKAM, eyecab eyecam, 👁️🚕👁️📸, etc.

🍄Describe your wip/one of your wips in the format of “___ + ___ =___”  

Natasha as like a vaguely Margaret Thatcher figure but she was in office in the late 90s not the 80s don’t think about it too hard okay the exact policy/praxis doesn’t matter so much as the ideology/vibes/dynamic + Davy (The Mage) as like a fucked up Welsh caricature (of his own design) because he’s overcompensating and has the media literacy of the worst film bro you’ve ever had the misfortune of talking to = their sons falling in love through football/soccer against all odds as juxtaposed between childhood and adulthood.

🌍What tags or warnings will your / one of your wip(s) need if you intend to share it?

Trauma

🧭An alternative title to your/ one of your WIP(s)?

Solsbury Hill for obvious reasons

⚠️Which wip you’re most likely to finish or update next?

This one :-)

💾What is your document of your wip/ a wip called? (not the stories actual title but what you’ve saved it as)

Okay, I’m usually absolute ass at naming files in any helpful fashion but this project is so organized on Google Docs. My notes app is a different story. Those don’t even have titles. I just launch into my whims as they come.

Most interesting answer I can give is that the folder containing all my fic documents is titled “kill the part that cringes.”

🖍Post Any sentence from your wip

Listen, I warned y’all.

To be in love with Simon Snow—a life sentence, an encyclopedia of grief.

♻️A scrapped idea for your current WIP

In the original musings of IKABIKAM—titled Scarborough Fair as the club was gonna be in Scarborough—Simon was Irish rather than Welsh and raised by Ruth. I know. Wild to think about now. But it’s true. And then I did some excavating on canon and the story we have today was born. Lost to time (the original idea of this fic which was actually two fics) is a whole very fun scene. I had planned that after the international break match against other, Simon convinced Baz to go out on the town with him. I wrote this snippet back then. It didn’t make the cut for obvious reasons and honestly I don’t know how much I stand by the characterization. Or the prose. Everything about IKABIKAM is better to me but this sexy little number deserves the people’s attention. I’m slightly concerned it’s offensive.

They’re playing INDUSTRY BABY in this club right now? I’m not dancing with Simon Snow to a Lil Nas X song. That music video…I’m only a man. I’m also not exactly sober. I will not risk a Snow relapse. Besides, Snow himself just downed the rest of his drink.

He leans toward me to say something. With the combination of his drunkenness and his accent I can barely make out his words, “eye gahta gohbakta da barrr.” (Translation: I’ve got to go back to the bar.) He really doesn’t.

I pluck the glass from his hand, “this last one is on me.”

He goofily smiles. His head is drooping to the side and his eyes are half-lidded. It would be adorable if I wasn’t worried about him falling over. I scan the room. One of the other Irish players is nearby. I hook Snow’s arm in mine (both my hands are full!) and drag him towards his teammate. He stumbles behind me looking completely blissed out.

I tap the other player on his shoulder. Clancy I think? The left winger. “Hey, I’m going to force Snow home so he can avoid a stomach pump. Could you make sure he doesn’t wander off while I close out my tab?”

He nods. I throw Snow at him and maneuver through the crowd up to the bar. It’s packed. I finish my own drink before I can push an opening to order. The bartender nods at me. She looks worn out from the night. I don’t blame her.

“Soda water with lime please.”

“Sure. What’s the name on the tab?”

“Grimm-Pitch. Could you close it?”

She nods and turns on her heel. A minute or so later she returns with the drink and my card. I take them.

“Is there any chance I could close out my mate’s tab too. He’s pissed.” I gesture back at the direction of Snow and Clancy. A circle of women have surrounded them. Honestly, fair.

The bartender gives me a wary eye. “What’s the name?”

“Snow.”

“Snow? Like the footballer Simon Snow over there?” She points at Simon.

I nod. The bartender scoffs, “Sure I’ll give Simon Snow’s card to some random Englishman.”

Random Englishman? Am I really going to have to do you know who I am this woman? I go for a subtle approach and just sort of lift an eyebrow and draw attention to the name on my own card: Tyrannus Basilton Grimm-Pitch. The realization hits her. I was afraid I would have to tie my hair up.

“Oh shit. Fuck you’re Baz Pitch.” She stares at me. I hold out my hand. “Right, the card!” She hands me Snow’s card.

I nod, “Alright. Thanks.”

She shakes her head at me, “No, sorry for the hassle. Have a good night English…defensive midfielder…Baz Pitch.” She says my name with a laugh like she’s awestruck I’m in this Dublin nightclub (fair), “and thanks for the win today!”

I’m beyond tired of hearing that line.

When I return Snow is having the time of his life: posted up surrounded by ladies singing along to Ayyy Ladies. They’re not being subtle in their flirting. (Again, fair. Good for them.) Snow is incredibly respectful despite being off his face. Good lad. He’s still far too drunk to consent to anything so I don’t feel terribly guilty for pulling him away from the grind fest.

When he sees me approach he lights up, “Baz!” His arms fly open. “Took you long enough.”

I hand him his drink. There is a blonde woman dancing on him. She throws her arms around his neck. He knocks back the drink and chugs it in one go. A little water dribbles down his chin and he wipes it away with his thumb. It catches on his bottom lip. He hasn’t looked away from me once. And this fucking song…

“When I hit it from the back, don't fuss, don't fight

When I put it in ya mouth, don't scratch, don't bite”

I need to get the fuck out of here.

He hands me back the glass, “That drink was awful. What was it?” His speech is a little less slurred than before.

“Water. I’m taking you home.”

He blushes, “What?”

“You’re plastered. So, you should get sick in your own loo rather than on this lovely woman,” I give the blonde a wink. She dances away.

I’m pretty sure tabs aren’t even really that much of a thing in Ireland. And like…I don’t think you can close them out for someone else. So like. I don’t know what the fuck I was on while writing that. Obviously not Google.com, or reality. But most of all I was absolutely jump-scared reading that back and discovering I was gonna make Baz a defensive midfielder? WTF!?

🤔What’s a story you’d love to write but haven’t even started yet?

A hockey one-shot. Whenever it happens the chirps are gonna be out of this world.

🤡How many Wips are you actively working on?

One in a way that’s meaningful. Maybe two. It’s a fresh thing.

🛠Is there a scene or anything in the WIP you are struggling with right now?

The chapter is really expositional in an isolated way and so I have to backtrack for context without being boring.

❤️Not a question, just a second kudos to send.

Blessed beyond belief.

Now tagging @artsyunderstudy @brilla-brilla-estrellita @cutestkilla @facewithoutheart @hushed-chorus @iamamythologicalcreature @ileadacharmedlife @j-nipper-95 @noblecorgi @prettygoododds @thewholelemon @valeffelees @roomwithanopenfire @youarenevertooold @you-remind-me-of-the-babe omg and @emeryhall tell me everything

[decodedlvr]

“King Steve” doesn’t exist | Steve Harrington x Eddie Munson (steddie mini series)

Summary: Steve Harringtons deepest secret gets revealed, but will the freak accept him? Will he runaway from him like everyone else? Does size really matter?

word count | idk this is pt1 | pt2 | pt3 |

Warnings: slight homophobia, angst, smut, blowjobs, good fluff, coming out? Panic attacks, slight bullying, body insecurities, slight a-hole Billy Hargrove, Steve has a small dick

Steve Harrington didn’t get the nickname ‘king Steve’ because he has a big cock. He doesn’t at all actually.. at full length he’s messuared at about 3.5 inches, 4.1 if he’s really turned on. He got the nickname because he’s very talented in making women finish with his mouth multiple times. Ya see, every girlfriend, every date or drunk hook up Steve has this thing he does with his partners. He agrees to keep seeing them, so they can cum as much as they want since ya know ‘his mouth is magic’ but he’ll only keep the deal if they agree to promise to never tell anyone how big he really is.

He hates the deal with a passion, not only because his ego is actually fucked but because he doesn’t wanna keep seeing these girls on repeat after repeat just to make sure the secret about his below average cock stays closed up. He feels trapped honestly, no girl has said to his face his dick was small, but the disappointment in their faces was enough for him to make sure that any time he had a hookup; they had to pass out from cumming from his mouth at least 3 times and be too sensitive to even want his cock afterwards. The amount of times he’s had blue balls just from embarrassment is pathetic. The only person who never made him feel like shit about it genuinely was Nancy wheeler but even then, if you’d ask Nancy today how many times do you think she’s ever sucked off steve or even fucked his cock? She’d probably say she still felt like a virgin. She tried to support Steve and how he felt about himself reassuring him; didn’t feel too reassuring when she ended up cheating on him with Jonathan. Made Steve wonder and believe that it’s because of his dick.

He hates himself. He blames himself for his dick; though he’s never told Nancy that. She reassured him she just needed more and deep down Steve couldn’t blame her. Atleast not in the drunken state telling him that his love was ‘bullshit’. Steve would never admit to the amount of times he’s cried over his size. Dick pumps don’t do much no matter how much he wish it did; god damned those stupid cosmo magz. He was made aware of his secret spreading as soon as he arrived to school one morning, he knew something was off.

The stares, the laughs especially from all the girls he’s hooked up with specifically. He kept his cool, being with the popular crowd and such.. until after basketball practice in the locker room. Since steve was popular he had this kinda ritual he would do to avoid being seen naked while changing.

Having an obnoxious friend like Tommy helped because he could kinda just talk about random bullshit with him and everyone like ‘what’s up man?’ or ‘who’s ready to party this Friday’ or anything to change the focus to get everyone talking to everyone else. Until Billy the ever so nosey Hargrove noticed how skittish Steve was acting sneaking in the stalls with his clothes to change.

‘Why you hidin in the stalls Harrington?’

Steve turned pale, the locker room got quiet. He was caught

‘I’m changing why you wanna watch or something?’ Steve said sounding ‘cool’ like there wasn’t a problem

‘Nah, why can’t you just change in here like the rest of us, you got something to hide Harrington? You a girl or something?’ Billy replies. Everyone laughed

‘N-no, just like my privacy—‘

‘Yeah Harrington!, yeah Steve, what you hidin in there?’ two randos shout

‘I’m not hiding anything’

‘Then change’ Billy demands

‘What? no-‘

‘Nobody’s gonna look at your dick ‘king Steve don’t worry’ I’m sure you’d make all of us look bad, well maybe some of us’ Billy says in a cocky manner & winks

‘Dude stop being weird’ Steve scoffs

‘You’re the one hiding the the bathroom stall like a loser changing when the changing rooms right here. what’s the problem ? Huh?’ Billy asks

Steve can’t understand why Billy’s so suddenly interested

‘Why you care so much Billy huh? Gotta crush on me or sumthin?’ Tommy laughs with him. He felt some relief to not feel like all eyes are on him

‘In your dreams pretty boy’

The nickname makes Steve’s dick throb. See, Steve’s bisexual. Of course after meeting robin and him having odd feelings with their mutual friend Eddie; she made him well aware of his feelings and what they meant. Obviously she’s the only person who knows, she trusted him with her secret and vice verse. They are inseparable.

Steve doesn’t have a crush on Billy, sure he’s handsome but he’s heard Eddie call him that nickname multiple times so his mind flashed to him. Plus in a way he’s still trying to figure all this shit out.

‘Yeah, okay’ Steve says turning around packing his shit up feeling anxious as ever

‘Where you going?’ Billy’s asks walking in Steve’s direction

‘I’m leaving’ Steve replies

‘You’re drenched and you probably reek, what’s the matter?’ Billy’s starting to taunt Steve now

‘You’re annoying me and I don’t have time for this’ Steve now facing Billy trying to also act tough but obviously not pick too much of a fight over this

little does Steve know he’s about to get—

‘Dude no way’ he hears in background

‘Oh wow now that’s’— Billy starts

Steve got pantsed.

Steve literally stumbles backwards trying to pull his gym shorts back up.

‘WHAT THE FUCK!?’ he yells and he shoved man who pantsed him.—Tommy.

‘Whoa no need to get angry king Steve’—

‘Fuck you billy fuck all of you’ Steve says now breathing heavily

Steve’s just left his shit and ran outta the lockeroom after hearing billy shout

‘It’s ok to have a small dick Harrington—‘.

Reblogs appreciated :>

[supernaturalkickparty]

In my post Carry On feels

Thinking of Sam's life after Dean died, mainly thinking about him and "blurry wife"

It was grief sex, a drunken one night stand, neither one expected to see each other again.

It was awkward next day walk of shame for both of them, they don't even remember getting a motel room but he seems nice to her.

They awkwardly exchange numbers and she honestly doesn't expect to hear from him.

She doesn't expect him to keep her number.

She thinks she remembers seeing him around town with some other guy, but can't remember his name. She hasn't seen them together in a long while.

Sam travels a lot, she knows that, she would hardly see him in town except for when he's at the store and even then they never spoke.

But now they had this one night and she never thought anything of it. Until she felt horribly sick and a friend made a joke that she was pregnant. She keeps insisting she isn't.

Until she panics and buys a test on the way home from work and sees those two lines.

A positive pregnancy test, she didn't expect it.

She took the morning after pill after she hooked up with him, she doesn't understand how she's still winded up pregnant when she went and took it as soon as she left the motel.

Should she tell him?

Should she keep it?

She never saw herself as the maternal type of person.

She decides to make an appointment and wants to discuss termination as an option. No need to drag Sam into this, no telling what he does for a living or if he even wants kids.

It would be her luck that they run into each other. It would be her luck that they run into each other.

He seems actually excited to see her, he remembers her name is Dani, and she feels a little excited too.

That was until a wave of morning sickness hits her and she pukes on his boots.

He's so kind, doesn't get upset, he's worried for her.

They go to a diner close by and he gets her some water and asks if she's ok and she isn't sure why she tells him. She wasn't planning on it, but he's telling her that he supports her decision no matter what it is and suddenly she feels like she can handle it. Handle keeping the baby.

Sam seems excited and sad at the news of her wanting to keep it, she takes it as a sign as he thinks he's trapped with her.

"I'm not expecting anything from you, I know you have you're own life to live and it's fine Sam."

He tells her that he's more than willing to help, he's not gonna do a whole "let's get married" thing, he just wants to be there for her in any way she needs.

They become good friends, he's stayed at her apartment a few times when she needed to go to doctors appointments and wasn't feeling up to driving.

She realizes that a small one bedroom apartment with a futon isn't an ideal place to raise a kid.

Sam tells her of a nice 3 bedroom house that he saw the other day, huge backyard, it was a rental.

After some talking back and forth on co-parenting and being there for their son(they find out it's a boy and Sam cried.) They agree it's better to live together to be there for their son.

The problem is the woman won't rent to anyone unless they are married.

"It's not illegal, most states allow it, even though it's an outdated law."

That is when she finds out he was a pre law student at one point.

She still doesn't know much about him.

He tells her he knows a person, someone who can forge up a marriage license and anything else they may need.

"Anything else I need to know about?" she tries to joke with him.

"I was wanted by the FBI for a few years until a friend erased our files."

She knows he isn't joking, and she's afraid to ask what our files means.

They get to have tour of the house, they love it, they can imagine their son growing up here.

Sam makes an offer to buy the house, telling the landlord he's done his research and knows what the house is currently valued at and he can offer her double.

Needless to say that no one saw that coming.

Instead of a lease agreement, they're signing off on purchasing the house.

She overlooks the nightmares, she overlooks the way he flinches with certain phrases and words, she even overlooks the way he has weird symbols hidden all over the house and nursery.

He's a good guy and her best friend.

She accepts that their son is a junior to his brother? husband? She isn't sure, and isn't sure she wants to know.

She accepts that every day for a month straight when DJ turns 6 months he sleeps in that nursey, like he is waiting for something or someone.

He's her hype man when she starts dating again when DJ is a year old, the men she date don't like the fact her "baby daddy" lives in the same house as her.

None of her relationships really last long because she is going to defend her best friend.

But once Sam puts it together on why she doesn't really date much he tells her it's best for him to leave, he'll stay in town and still be here every day but he can't be the reason she isn't happy with whoever she wants to be with.

Sam Winchester is a mystery, even after living together for nearly 2 years, but he was always a great friend and great father.

[southsideserendipity]

Pregnancy Scare (Kelly Severide x Reader)

Synopsis: You start to feel sick on the way back from an ambulance call, and Dawson wonders whether you may be pregnant.

Warnings: Mentions of throw up, coarse language.

Word Count: 3.3k

Everyone had just gotten back from a call, and you were all exhausted to say the least.

It was one of those days at the firehouse where it was dispatch after dispatch. You couldn’t help but feel a little light-headed upon return to 51. You reversed the ambo into the apparatus bay and put it in park. Opening the door to step out, you practically stumbled to your feet.

Squad and truck had gotten back before you - given the fact that you had to drop a patient off at med - so luckily no one was there to witness your drunken-like wobble. Especially your overprotective boyfriend, Kelly Severide, who is ready to call a med e-vac when you get a paper cut.

You place both of your palms up on the side of the ambo, locking your elbows for support. Feeling faint, you decided to take some slow, deep breaths in an attempt to make yourself feel better.

You thought Gabby was in the back of the ambo, taking inventory, but you hear her voice come from right next to you.

“Y/N…? Are you ‘kay?”

This startled you as you hadn’t noticed her presence right next to you, and also because you didn’t want to attract any attention to your sudden ailment.

“Yeah Gabs, I think I’m just dehydrated honestly. I’m gonna go grab a drink” you said, brushing off her concern and undermining how you were truly feeling.

“I don’t know, Y/N” she crossed her arms, leaning her side against the ambo. “You don’t look so good” she said with a concerned look on her face.

“Aw, that’s so nice of you Dawson” you joked back in response, shooting her a sarcastic fake-smile. You decided to opt against telling the truth and to instead use your poor humour skills to distract her from your ghastly complexion.

“Cmon, you know that’s not what I meant Y/N. You better be telling me the truth” Gabby raised one eyebrow, as if it helped her get a better read of your poker face.

“I’m good I prom-” you were interrupted mid-sentence by the sudden urge to gag, and you began dry-heaving.

“Y/N!” Gabby rushed over to you and began rubbing your back. “Either you get in the ambulance and let me check you out, or I tell Severide.”

You looked up at her with an annoyed but thankful glance, given that she fought through your painful stubbornness to make sure you were okay.

Gabby led you into the ambulance and encouraged you to sit down on the gurney. She closed the doors behind her, and got right to work.

“I’m hooking you up to an IV.” She said, grabbing a saline bag.

“Yeah, I’d like to exercise my right to refuse treatment” you joked, earning a glaring Gabby who stopped what she was doing in order to fully display the annoyed look on her face.

“The quicker we get this done, the quicker you get out of here and the better chance we have that no one realizes we’re missing. She argued, searching for a vein in your arm.

You sighed in agreement, knowing there was no way you were going to get out of Dawson’s care.

When you felt your stomach rumble and another wave of nausea hit you, you knew the inevitable was going to happen.

“Gabby, I’m going to throw up” you stated matter o’factly, while looking at her with a startled expression. You motioned for the garbage can and she quickly handed it over to you. Had she done so 1 second later, you would’ve thrown up all over yourself.

“Now you definitely don’t look good” your best-friend said, trying to make light of the situation but still being in paramedic mode. You grumbled in response, refusing to admit you weren’t okay.

Once you were done, you set the can aside and laid back down, contemplating why you were feeling this way.

“I’m good now, I swear. Lunch just didn’t sit right with me. That’s the last time I eat food that Cruz has cooked.” You took the IV needle out of your arm, deeming that you didn’t need it, and began to exit the back of the ambo.

Dawson didn’t stop you this time. “I’m going to write in my chart here that the patient was unco-operative, and threw up in my ambulance” Dawson said, shrugging to herself.

You peeked your head in between the ambo doors before walking away, and said “this never happened.” Dawson looked at you with a disappointed look, but accepted the situation knowing that being caught could lead to ambo getting taken out of service, and - even worse - Y/N’s lieutenant boyfriend sending her home.

“Grab something to drink!!!” Gabby shouted after you. She couldn’t see you, but you simultaneously nodded your head and smiled to yourself, grateful to have a caring person like her in your life.

Walking into the lounge and towards the fridge, you noticed everyone was eating dinner.

“Hey Y/N. We ordered out tonight to treat ourselves for the long day, come grab a bite” Cruz said with excitement, opening up the pizza box and wafting the smell towards you. “Take a seat!”

You could never say no to pizza, but at this particular time, the scent you caught made the bile in your stomach rise once again.

“I’m not hungry right now, guys, but I’ll eat soon, I promise.” Cruz looked at you like you had 5 heads, knowing you could probably eat more slices than him if it came down to it, but he just shrugged it off. When you reached the fridge you opted for gatorade, knowing the electrolytes would help.

As you closed the fridge door, the room began to spin. You tried to speed walk to your bed to rest, but the change in pace made you feel even worse. Before you know it, you collapsed onto the floor.

———————————————————————

“Y/N?????” You woke up to multiple heads staring down at you from above, all with concerned looks on their faces. Once you regained vision, you made out the figures to be Cruz, Hermann, Mouch, Brett, and Otis. “Grab her some water!” Brett slapped Otis across the chest - concern evident in her voice - and he scrambled to the fridge.

“I’m fine everyone. I’m just dehydrated, I swear.” You lazily attempted to stand up, your body void of energy, but were pushed back down by everyone. “No no no, you sit your tush right where you are missy” said Hermann who was standing opposite of you.

You groaned in frustration, grateful that your family at 51 was worried about you, but hating that you attracted attention towards yourself.

“She’s over here” you heard distantly, eventually making out the voice to be Capp. He was directing Severide to you, and you assumed he grabbed him from his office.

“Y/N? What happened??” Severide rushed right over to you, kneeling next to you and checking you out for any injuries.

“I passed out but I swear I’m okay, I just gave myself whiplash because of how fast I was racing to my bed. I’m good I swear.”

“What the hell happened?” Dawson said as she stepped into the room and saw you lying down. “You told me you were okay, Y/N!!”

“You knew about this?” Severide snapped his head towards her, wondering why he wasn’t notified that the love of his life wasn’t feeling well, and upset that he didn’t help sooner.

Dawson replied, “She didn’t want me to tell anyone!”

“And Dawson, you are an excellent paramedic for that. You respected patient confidentiality, which I suggest the rest of you should do. For the last time, I’m fine!” you grumbled to everyone, feeling as though you were being babied by your team.

You swung your legs off of the couch, and stood up. Making your way to bed, you took the cup of water out of Otis’ hand, and disappeared into quarters. Everyone looked at each other with confusion at your sudden emotional outburst, given that it was out of character for you.

Severide was on his way to check up on you, when the alarm sounded once again.

You grumbled as you got up for what felt like the hundredth call that day, and began to walk towards the ambo.

“You gonna be okay?” Severide asked as he put on his overalls, watching you step into the ambo. “Yes, I promise” you responded, sending him a soft smile.

———————————————————————

On the way back to the firehouse, you felt Dawson’s eyes burning a hole into you.

You glanced over and looked between her and the road a couple of times before asking “Do I have something on my face?”

You looked at the rear view mirror and began fixing your fly aways, and inspecting your makeup- trying to make your actions theatrical to follow up with your sarcastic comment.

“Are you late?”

You snapped your head over to her, eyes popping out of your head, baffled that she would ask you such a (reasonable) question.

“What? My period you mean?” She slowly nodded, apprehension evident in her body language.

“No Gabby, I’m not. At least I don’t think I am.”

Her eyes remained glued on you, not believing your plead.

“Have your nipples changed colour? That’s supposed to be the first sign.” She said confidently and almost proudly, gleaming at this newfound possibility that you could be carrying.

“I’m not sure Gab, you want me to pull them out for you and the citizens of Chicago so you can check the colour of my areoles?” You said as you laughed. You took turns switching between focusing on the road, and being bewildered that you were having this conversation.

“Let me check your app” she placed her palm out towards you, waiting for you to pull out your phone and plant it in her hand.

“You can’t be serious right now. I’m not late, I swear! See for yourself.” You lifted up your buttcheek and took your phone out from underneath you, handing it over in surrender.

“Flo says otherwise, Y/N.” You looked over in disbelief.

“How late?” you asked with a mix of hesitation and eagerness. “6 days” she responded, not sure what response it would elicit from you. Meanwhile, the pit - or baby - in your stomach was growing.

“Have you and Severide been, y’know, wrapping ‘er up” she asked with a questioning tone, whispering the last 3 words for comedic effect to make the conversation less serious.

“Yes! I mean, maybe. Well, sometimes. I don’t know Gab, we fuck like rabbits, I lose track” You squinted your eyes in embarrassment, and straightened your arms while steering, scared to hear her reaction. You went from acting as if Gabby’s original question were preposterous, to accepting that your carelessness with protection was exactly what landed you in this position.

“Oh, Y/N, you better take a test. Listen, have sex all you want, but don’t think the raw doggin’ won’t catch up to you” she joked. You nodded with a face that was scrunched up in discomfort, understanding it needed to be done but your anxiety getting the best of you.

“Tomorrow after shift we’ll do it. Since we’re off the day after tomorrow, we can spend the night celebrating… or not.”

“And which outcome would result in us celebrating. Hmm Gab? I hope it’s the outcome where I’m NOT knocked up!” I exclaimed, completing stressing out.

“Hey, I would love to see a baby combination of you and Kelly running around the firehouse, wouldn’t you?” She leaned against the window to face towards you, her chin being held up by her fist.

“Yeah, of course! But maybe in 5 years or something?! There’s no way either of us are ready for a kid- we’re still recovering from our childhoods, and I wouldn’t want to traumatize our child in the process. Oh my god. Our child. That sounds so weird to say!” you groaned out in anxiety, your leg beginning to bounce up and down while you were parked at a red.

“Y/N it’s going to be okay. I promise. We’ll do this together. I would at least tell Severide you’re late, he deserves to stay in the loop, which he seemed to be out of this afternoon.” She said, referring to your health predicament from earlier.

“Yeah… I’ll talk to him.”

———————————————————————

“Are you feeling better? Why didn’t you tell me you were sick” Severide asked you, concern written all over his face.

You were both walking to his mustang, ready to call it a day after a hellish shift for the both of you. For you, it was the physical - and mental - ailments; for him, it was being worried about his at times secretive girlfriend.

“I’m good Kel, really. I just wanna go home” you said to him from across the car, getting into the passenger seat.

“Why are you like this, Y/N? Why can’t you keep me updated about what’s going on. I’ve been worried sick all shift and all you can give me is an ‘I’m good’” he spoke as he began the drive home.

“Look who’s talking! I find out what’s going on with you through Casey or Boden most of the time! It goes both ways, Kel” you uttered in frustration and focused on the scenery outside, confused as to how your secretive boyfriend himself could be upset with you about this.

“Okay, but I tell you eventually? You’ve been beating around the bush all day when I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

“My period is late.”

His head snapped over to look at you about as fast as you looked over at Dawson when she asked you if you were late.

Severide was speechless. He truly didn’t know what to say. You both went from disputing about your mutual secretiveness to drowning in the tension present in the car.

“How late?” he asked in a soft, curious tone, mad at himself for letting his protectiveness over you come out as anger.

“6 days. I’ll take a test soon” You replied, waiting for a response. But you didn’t get one. The rest of the ride home was silent, and Kelly hadn’t said a word. He was driving with a straight face, and as per usual you couldn’t detect exactly what was going through his mind. You once again peered out the window, and a lone tear slid down your cheek.

———————————————————————

You were on your way to Gabby’s house after the next day’s shift, deciding that you and Kelly needed some space. You had only seen him at work that day, and when you did it was an above-the-surface type of conversation- just so no one would realize something is up (even though the whole house knew).

You would be lying if you said you weren’t upset. You were expecting any other emotion from Kelly aside from the emptiness he was giving. Did he not care that he could’ve knocked you up? Was he going to break up with you if you are pregnant? Was he upset? You didn’t know. This obviously did not help the stress you were already under.

You arrived at Gabby’s apartment and made your way up. Before you had a chance to knock on the door, she had already swung it open.

“Did you miss me that much?” I laughed, hanging my coat up.

“I’m eager, Y/N. I wanna know!! Did you tell Kelly? I bet he’s so excited. And nervous. I bet he’s nervous. I thi-” “Gabby!!” you exclaimed, walking over to her and grabbing both of her cheeks with your hands. “Please relax, you’re stressing me out!”

Her eyes widened as she realized she’s probably not helping the anxiety you were feeling, and breathed out while pulling down her shirt. “Yes, yes, of course, sorry, okay.” She clapped, “let’s do this.”

———————————————————————

“So he just… didn’t say anything?” she asked in astonishment, closing the bathroom door behind her and setting a timer for 5 minutes.

“Nope. Like a dear in headlights with his mouth open to catch flies, he just sat there.”

You both sat down on the couch, waiting for the test to run it’s course. Gabby had some spare tests in her apartment, being the prepared person she was.

“He’s probably just scared, Y/N. You know how his relationship with dad is. He probably can’t fathom being a father himself when he had Benny for a father. And to be fair you did keep him out of the loop the whole day yesterday, you blindsided the guy.” You peered up at your best-friend in astonishment. You were so preoccupied with the idea of being pregnant that you didn’t even consider how your announcement might’ve affected Kelly.

“Dawson. I’m a horrible girlfriend.” You looked at her with wide, glistening eyes, realizing how horrible you’ve been to not only Kelly, but your family at 51. You weren’t used to people being sincerely worried about you, but how you treated them yesterday wasn’t fair. Especially your own boyfriend.

“You’re not, Y/N. You’re just used to letting the wrong people in. Now that the right people are trying to get in, you just gotta learn to let them. Especially Kelly. He loves you. We all know that. You make him happier than any girl he’s ever been with.”

You nodded in agreement after listening to Gabby’s wide words, and tried hard to stop bouncing your leg in an attempt to calm yourself down.

Before you were able to respond to her, the timer went off.

———————————————————————

“Kel? I’m home” you shouted into your seemingly empty apartment

“In here!” he responded from the living room. You put your stuff down and walked towards him.

There he was watching the Chicago Blackhawks game with a beer in his hand, his legs spread, and one arm laying across around the back of the couch.

He put his beer down on the side table and stood up to face you. “I’m sor-” “No, I’m sorry, Y/N. I froze” he looked at you with a look of sorrow, upset that he let his girlfriend down when she needed him.

“When you told me you were late, my whole world froze. I was excited at the possibility of you carrying my child, but also terrified that I wouldn’t be capable of being the father you needed. Benny’s not exactly father of the year, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be. Whatever the results of the test are, I’ll be there for you. Doesn’t matter if I don’t feel ready, I’ll get ready. We’re in this together, Y/N.”

You were baffled that your boyfriend just poured his heart out to you. It was hard for Kelly to show emotion and let you in, but his commitment to try and to do better than his father warmed your heart, and you knew why he was the man you fell in love with.

You stepped towards him before you responded. “Kelly, I owe you an apology too. I should’ve told you I didn’t feel well. I don’t want you to favourite me and jeopardize your power just to cater to me. I want to keep work outside of our relationship, because I don’t want it to get in the way of what we have. Regardless of that, you deserve to stay updated about me, not as my superior, but as my boyfriend. And I vow to be less secretive with you. Also, you’re a hell lot more of a man than your father ever will be.”

He walked over to you and grabbed your face, commencing a passionate kiss.

“I love you too” you giggled, while he smiled in response.

“The test was negative, by the way. Which I had mixed feelings about. I want to carry your child but I know we’re both not ready. I can’t wait to actually make a baby though, I heard the process involves a lot of sex” you joked to him, earning a laugh in response.

“Let’s get a head start then.” He picked you up in a hurry and raced you over to the bedroom, ready for a long night of festivities.

———————————————————————

A/N: Hey everyone!! I hope you enjoyed that. I feel like I started off strong and then completely butchered the ending, but I hope it was a bearable read!! Send in requests/ let me know what type of imagines you want to see with Kelly.

[megsforpresident]

Bestie - part 2 - Bucky X Avenger! fem! reader

summary: The Avengers go away for the weekend at one of Tony's beach houses and reader decides that she's going to hook up with Tony to try and forget about her feelings for her best friend Bucky.

content: Flirty reader with Tony, flirty Tony, alcohol, drunken talk, mad Steve, angry and jealous bucky, clueless reader and honestly I dont know more.

Word count: around 2k

warnings: drunk avengers, flirting, fighting, angry, violent and jealous bucky, mad Steve, drunk kissing and mentions of sex.

A/n: read part 1 if you haven't and tell me if i should add any more warnings.

(part 3 is on the making)

part 1

The next morning you woke up to the smell of freshly made pancakes and with a small headache.

"Morning sleepy." Bucky said, setting the tray on the empty stop next to you in bed. He reached and opened the blinds a bit, just enough so the room had light but not enough to make you want to hide.

"Morning." You said, pulling your hair into a bun on the top of your head giving bucky a clear look of your bruised neck that he knew it was Tony's doing.

You had yet to see what he did to you. The small memory of him leaving you hanging the past night was very present.

Time skip.

All the avengers were hanging out on the small couches near the fireplace just outside of the house before you hit the sand and the beach.

You and Tony were flirting with each other, more to yourselves than to everyone else but they couldn't help but notice.

The guys except Sam and Tony were starting the barbecue for dinner since it was getting a bit late and they took forever to realise how it worked.

"Hey stark." Bucky's voice called as Tony had his face where your shoulder meets your neck as your legs rested on his lap. "Come and help us out." he continued once you and Tony looked at him.

You gave him an "what the fuck?" look, as he knew this was what you wanted but allowed Tony to get up anyway as Bucky broke eye contact with you.

"You better take your fucking hands off her before I have to break both of them. Understand?" Bucky said, pulling Tony into the wall behind them.

"Ow look Barnes, I didn't know you two had something going on." Tony said. "I would've backed off."

"We don't, but that doesn't matter." Bucky said, getting confused before getting back. "That doesn't mean you get to get your way with her. She deserves better than a guy with daddy issues that is so fucking narcissistic that could never care for her the way she deserves to be cared for." He spit out.

"Bucky!" You screamed, reaching to pull his arm out of Tony's throat that he didn't even realise he had there. "Inside, now!" You pushed him and he did as told. "Tony, are you alright? I'm really sorry." you held the man's shoulders looking at him.

"I'm okay." He gave you a soft smile, clearly hurt.

"Don't listen to a word he said, okay? I don't know what's gotten into him but he doesn't think like that, I promise." You caressed his face. "I'll be right back." You smiled and he nodded.

You moved inside to find Bucky with a whiskey bottle and a cup out, before smashing it on the floor.

"What is wrong with you?!" You screamed moving to him. "You had no right to talk to him like that, are you out of your mind?!"

"Did I lie?" He asked you, screaming right back. "Did I fucking lie in what I said y/n?"

"What does that even have to do with anything?!" You kept the tone. "You have no right telling him to back away from me or any of the things you said to him."

"I'm just trying to look out for you. Like I always fucking do." His voice was smaller now but just with the same intensity.

"You don't need to look out for me when I know what I'm doing. I trust him." You said, reducing your volume as well.

"Maybe you shouldn't." He said, getting louder again. "Because sleeping with him will only make you lose the respect of the people around you. You'll seem desperate to have to fuck the biggest playboy out there." He said in your face and you felt everything around you both shake.

You controlled yourself, tears in your eyes as he was just realising what he truly said.

"Get out." You said quickly before he could apologise. "Get the fuck out. Go for a walk, I don't know but calm yourself." A tear fell but you quickly cleaned it. "You're my best friend Bucky, and I hate fighting with you. Especially when you say things that I really hope you don't mean. So get the fuck out, and we'll talk when you're calmer." He tried to approach you but Steve appeared at the door with Nat, telling him to do as you asked.

And he did, he disappeared for hours leaving you and Steve worried out of your mind.

You were in Tony's lap in your room when you heard the door open and close. Everyone else was asleep and you knew it could only be Bucky.

"I'll be right back." You kissed Tony's nipples before giving him a bite and leaving the bed. You pulled the shirt you stole from Bucky from the end of the bed and slid it on before leaving the room.

Bucky was at the kitchen counter, only reflected by the moon light with the same whiskey bottle in front of him that you learned was Asgardian Licor.

"Where the hell were you?!" You asked worried, trying to keep your voice down. "I've been calling you all afternoon, Steve even went out and looked for you."

"You wanted me to leave." He said before you could continue. His voice is small with hurt and clearly a bit of drunken state in him. "So I did."

"Yes, Bucky I wanted you to leave, to calm yourself, to take a deep breath and to think about what you had said." You took a deep breath yourself. "Not for you to disappear for hours and come back half drunk, pretending that no one cares about you."

"I'm here aren't I? You can go back to your fuck toy." He said bitterness all over his words.

"Bucky." You got closer to him. "What is going on with you? Why are you acting like this?"

"Why not me?" He asked. You could see the tears in his eyes. "Why don't you ever pick me, y/n?"

"You don't know what you're saying bucky." You mumbled, cleaning his face.

"Why can't you see? I love you. I have for such a long time." He cried. "I would do anything for you, until the end of time and yet you always pick someone else over me."

"That's not true, Bucky." You hugged him. "I'll always need you."

"But not in the way I need you." He mumbled, hugging you back as if he was scared of letting go.

"You don't love me like that buck. You're confused, and drunk." You laughed dryly. "It's okay."

"I know what I feel, y/n." He said, letting go of you with such hurt in his eyes. "Please, leave me alone."

"No, buck c'mon we need to get you to bed." You tried to hold his arm but he pulled away.

"Please." He wouldn't look at you but you nodded and moved back upstairs.

Once upstairs you face a half dressed Tony, very different from how you left him. He knew this would happen.

"I'm really sorry Tony." You said, small voice, hoping he would know what you meant. You needed a friend right now.

"It's okay, Y/n." He smiled, patting the place next to him in your bed. "C'mon, you look like you could use a hug." And you did, you practically ran to the bed hugging yourself to his side.

"I was so worried." You started. "And Steve! God, I gotta call Steve." You tried to break away from the hug but Tony held you down.

"I already called him. He's on his way back." Tony said.

"Thank you." You allowed yourself to relax into the embrace again. "He told me he loves me."

"Uau, took him long enough uh?" Tony asked, a bit sarcastic. "What? Are you going to tell me you never noticed?" He asked looking at your whined eyes, and you shook your head. "Oh C'mon, y/n, he's been in love with you for years! Anyone could tell you that."

"Do you really think so?" You asked and he nodded immediately. "What if he was just drunk? Or is confused? I can't lose him, Tony."

"I don't think he is, y/n/n." He touched your arm in a caring way. "But I also don't think that something like this would be the reason why you would lose him. Death is most likely." You laughed a bit.

"I just hope Steve can get him to bed so we can talk in the morning." You mumbled.

"You love him too don't you?" Tony asked and you stayed silent, not sure if you wanted to admit it yet. "You can talk to me, y/n."

"I do." You admitted. "I realised for a while but, he's my best friend, it's not right. And I never thought he would like me."

Tony only laughed before you heard noise of glasses breaking downstairs and screaming. Then you could hear the doors to outside opening and closing before the screaming continued.

"She doesn't care about me, Steve!" Bucky screamed outside and you could hear him as clear as the day.

"Buck, she loved you, what are you talking about?" Steve tried to call him and get his voice lower. "y/n is your best friend. She was worried all afternoon about you."

"She doesn't want me, Steve." Bucky cried. "and I fucked it up. The one thing I had right, I fucked it up." He laughed, a dry, sarcastic laugh. "I could've pretend, I could've pretend to be happy for being just her friend, pretend to be happy when she was with someone else but I fucked it up, she's probably going to stop trusting me at all." he kept crying and the tears quickly made their way to your eyes again.

" Don't just sit there." Tony said. "Go talk to him." You nodded and got up, giving Tony a quick kiss on the cheek.

He felt better now. Less guilty if anything. It wouldn't feel like he was doing anything with someone else's girl. He just needed a cold shower and a night well rested.

You got outside quickly to see Bucky sitting on the sand, Asgardian Liquor bottle in one hand as the other pulled at his hair and you could hear his silent cries. Steve was pacing back and forth, not knowing what to do.

He wanted to comfort Bucky and take him to bed but he was seriously losing his temper. This was supposed to be his time to relax to!

"I got it." You mumbled, touching his arm. "Thank you for going out looking for him."

"He's my best friend too, y/n/n." He smiled, touching your shoulder. "Good luck." He finally moved inside and, as Bucky heard the door close, he broke down crying louder, thinking he was alone.

"Can… can I hug you?" You asked, not sure if you were overstepping since he asked you to leave him alone.

He nodded and you pulled him to you, trying to hug the sadness out of him. Hearing him cry made you want to cry but you held it together.

"Why are you crying Buck?" You questioned when you felt he was calm enough.

"I'm gonna lose you." His voice trembled.

"Hey, look at me." You pulled his face from you shoulder, holding him between your hands. "You're not going to lose me. Bucky, nothing in this world would be good enough to make me back away from your life." you tried to smile, maybe bring him some comfort. "You're my best friend Bucky."

"And that's all I'll ever be." He looked away, saying it in a quiet voice.

"I really don't want to talk about this when you:re this drunk." You mumbled too. "Can we please get you to bed?"

"What do you want to talk about?" He asked, a bit confused. And you ignored.

"Let's get you to bed, cyborg, c'mon." You reached your hand, after getting up, to help him up.

"Y/n what is it?" He questioned again, using your help to get up.

"We can talk in the morning Bucky, let's go." You put his arm around your shoulder and pulled him from the sand throuwards the house.

"Tell me." He stopped. "Please, I can't take it anymore." Tears left his eyes again but his voice remained untouched. "If you're just going to stop being…" He started but you stopped him by talking over him.

"I love you." You said. "I'm in love with you too Bucky. I didn't want to talk about this when you're drunk because I want you to remember what you said and what I said and not just pretend it never happened because I can't do that anymore." He walked to you, holding your head in place with his hands.

"Say it again." He asked in a whisper, Blue eyes filled with emotions.

"I love you Bucky." You in a whisper said, y/e/c eyes filled with emotions as well.

"I'm gonna kiss you now. Is that okay?" You nodded before he could even finish and he closed the distance between you two with the most meaningful kiss you ever shared with anyone.

[imagine-a-life-like-this]

Break My Heart (L.F/H.HJ)

Warnings : suggestive content

Word Count : 2821

Synopsis : she could feel herself falling for hyunjin, but after seeking comfort from felix, she realizes that maybe she’s not actually in love with hyunjin, but in love with felix.

She looked over to his sleeping figure, sleeping peacefully beside her while there’s an internal war happening between her heart and mind. Her hand hovers over his face, hesitating whether or not she should brush the hair out of his face. She leaves the apartment unheard instead.

           How did it get this far, she wonders to herself, sitting in her car outside the apartment building. He was just a friend, one of her best friends since childhood, and that’s all he was supposed to be. Until one drunken night when lust took over their bodies and she woke up in his bed for the first time. No strings attached. They whispered between stolen kisses, but over time, the strings began to attach.

           She found herself jealous whenever he was talking to another girl, jealous that someone else was getting the attention she so desperately craved. In the early mornings as the sun is starting to rise, she finds herself hesitating to leave, wondering what he would do if he were to wake up and she was still there. Would he wrap his arms around her and press delicate kisses to her face? Or would he coldly kick her out like the others?

           She likes to believe she’s different than the other girls; better in a way. They are best friends after all. The friendship they’ve built over the years hasn’t changed at all with this new development, but she knew it would if her feelings were to be known. He doesn’t do feelings, and she knows she will never be the exception.

           He wakes in an empty bed, feeling emptier than usual, and he knows why. Once again she disappeared before sunlight, before he woke up. It’s for the best, he reminds himself, but he wishes just once she would stay. Give him the chance to fall in love with her like he so desperately wants. The crush he’s had on her since high school slowly growing over the years, but never reaching love.

           He doesn’t do feelings, but she’s different. She’s always been different. She’s different in the best ways. He can be himself around her, he can feel vulnerable and self conscious when she’s around; she doesn’t judge him. Instead she tells him reassuring words, helping him love himself once again. He can open his heart to her and know that she would never hurt him, not in the ways he’s been hurt in the past, not at all.

           But they’re just friends, best friends. She’s a person he can’t lose, so instead of opening himself up to these growing feelings, he pushes them down and pretends they don’t exist. He pretends they aren’t there until lust takes over and he kisses her with passion. He takes his time with her, savouring every moment like it’s his last. Sex with her is different because it doesn’t feel like hooking up; it feels like love. Like a love that can last.

           She meets her other best friend, Felix, at the café on campus before class, like they do every day. Her coffee is already paid for and on the table in front of an empty chair. “Good morning, angel.” Felix smiles, pushing the coffee closer to her as she sits. He takes in how exhausted she looks; not just physically but emotionally as well. Bags hang under her eyes, an obvious attempt to cover them failed.

           She doesn’t say anything as she holds the warm cup in her hands, taking a sip and tasting the sweet taste of her favourite coffee, her order exactly as she likes it. “Can we skip, just for today?” She speaks softly, so softly that if Felix wasn’t entuned with everything about her, he wouldn’t have heard a single word.

           “Anything for you, angel.” He closes the notebook he’s been studying from and takes one of her hands in his from across the table. “Did you want to talk about what’s bothering you?” Yes. She does, but she can’t bring herself to say the words. I’m in love with Hyunjin. The words are stuck in her throat, burning to be released, but she meets Felix’s happy eyes and can’t bring herself to say them.

           “I’m just really tired today.” She lies. She lies so easily she wonders when she’s changed so much. She never made it a habit to lie to her best friend, knowing Felix knows her better than she knows herself.

           “Movies and cuddles?” He asks, a soft smile on his face as she agrees with a quick nod of her head. He wanted to do everything he could to see her smile again; the same smile that takes his breath away. She was his angel, that was no secret, but she was also his first love, and that was a secret.

           “You’re heading for class already?” They heard the familiar sound of the third person of their small group, the same group from middle school. Hyunjin could see the exhaustion written on her features, wondering if she even got any sleep the previous night. Is it hard for her to sleep next to him even though he only sleeps peacefully with her by his side?

           “We were actually going to do a movie day today.” She spoke up, trying her best to keep her voice even while looking at Hyunjin, taking in how absolutely ethereal he looks even so early in the morning.

           Hyunjin watched as she left with Felix, their hands clasped together. He could feel her slowly slipping through his fingers, landing in Felix’s open arms. He knew Felix would be the better choice for her, always waiting for her with open arms and her favourite snacks and drinks. Felix knew everything about her, learning her likes and dislikes and her life story throughout the years of knowing each other.

           But Felix doesn’t know her the way Hyunjin does. He doesn’t know each and every curve of her body, the way her toes curl as pleasure takes over. He doesn’t know about the freckles on her back that Hyunjin loves to connect with his fingers while they drift off to sleep. He doesn’t know how she shies away when her clothes come off, not realizing just how beautiful she is.

           Hyunjin knows the stories behind all her scars. He traces them with his fingers, pressing delicate kisses as he whispers how beautiful he finds her. He knows she closes her eyes, scared of the intimacy of eye contact in the moment. He knows the small squeaks that turn into loud moans when she can no longer hold back.

           He likes to believe he knows her intimately, but intimacy is more than being naked and having sex. It’s knowing why she hides her face when she gets a compliment. It’s knowing her comfort drink when she needs a hug from the inside. It’s knowing why she doesn’t expand her friend group, keeping just Hyunjin and Felix in her close circle despite many people begging to be let in.

           Hyunjin knows what she’s like in bed, knows what she looks like naked. He knows about the scars and the stretch marks. He knows about the hidden birth marks.

           But Felix knows what makes her tick. He knows her favourite thing to drink on rainy days. He knows her coffee order down to the exact amount of sugar. He knows what her parents do for a living, and how often she speaks to them. Felix knows when she’s lying but knows she will tell him the truth when she’s ready. He knows how to cheer her up when she’s been crying. He knows the ins and outs of her life, the things Hyunjin wishes he knew. The things he wishes he took the time to learn.

           She’s curled up in Felix’s arms while he brushes his fingers through her hair, comforting in a way she knows Hyunjin never could. He whispers little nothings to her, reminding her that he’s by her side no matter what. “I think I’m in love with Hyunjin.” She eventually lets out as a tear slips from her eye. She can’t see his reaction with her head in his lap, staring towards the television that was playing a movie she honestly doesn’t remember the name of.

           She can’t see the heartbroken look on Felix’s face as he tries to play off the hurt by chuckling. “It was bound to happen.” He blinks back his own tears as he focuses on comforting the love of his life. He always knew it would be Hyunjin over him, but he still held out hope.

           “I don’t want to love him.” She moved so she was facing Felix instead, his hands still in her hair as their eyes met. He could see the heartbreak in her eyes, the same heartbreak he’s sure she could see in his own.

           “Then love me instead.” Silence fell over them as the credits rolled in the movie neither of them were watching.

           “I wish I could.” She whispered, reaching up and wiping the tears that couldn’t be held back anymore. She keeps her hand on his freckled cheek, rubbing his cheek with her thumb, hoping to comfort him the way he always did her.

           “Pretend. Let me help you not love him anymore.” He would take her pretend love over no love at all any day. He would take her in any capacity she would allow. Maybe over time she would fall for him instead, he would just have to prove himself.

           “I don’t want to break your heart, my sunshine.” Her sunshine. The man that could brighten any dark day with a simple smile. How she wishes it was Felix she fell for.

           “I don’t care if you break my heart, angel. Break my heart if it means you fall out of love with Hyunjin. I would gladly have my heart broken by you a million times if it brought the light back to your eyes.” She sat up slowly, bringing her other hand to his other cheek, cupping his face gently before pressing her lips to his.

           He melted into her kiss, a kiss that he’s fantasized about for years now. He wonders to himself if this will be the only time he feels her lips, so he savours every second. He wraps one arm around her waist, while placing the other hand on the back of her head, pulling her as close as he could. “Don’t hate me if I break your heart.” She whispered; her forehead rested against his.

           “I couldn’t if I tried.” He admitted. He meant every word. No matter what’s going to happen, she owns his entire heart. He wouldn’t be able to hate her if he tried.

           She spent the night at Felix’s, wrapped up in his loving embrace, and waking to his delicate kisses on her cheeks. She couldn’t help the smile that spread across her face, taking in just how nice it was to wake up beside someone. “Good morning, angel.”

           Felix was delighted when he woke up with her still in his arms. He’s spent years wondering what it would be like to be with her like this. This morning was a dream come true; for once reality was better than his dreams. “Good morning, my sunshine.” She pecked his lips before sliding out of bed to get ready for classes.

           Just like every morning, Felix bought her coffee and the two waited for Hyunjin at their regular table. Unlike every other morning, Felix had his arm draped across her shoulders, looking at her like she was the only person in the room. She wondered how she never noticed the love Felix held for her.

           Hyunjin was shocked at the sight he saw when he walked into the café, and if he’s honest, a little jealous. “You two look extra cozy this morning.” He chuckled, taking a seat across from them, trying to keep a fake smile plastered on his face.

           “We’re dating now.” Felix beamed, not knowing that those simple words, the words that made his world spin, broke Hyunjin’s heart. But there was nothing he could say, because he knew that Felix could treat her better than he ever could. Felix was ready to make her his entire world, but Hyunjin wasn’t.

           “I guess if there was anyone good enough for her, it’d be you.” Hyunjin commented, putting on his best fake smile as he watched the way she looked up at Felix with the same stars in her eyes that he wished she looked at him with.

           As the days and weeks passed, Hyunjin started distancing himself from his friends, finding comfort in a new woman every night. He was losing himself, his grades dropping as he slowly gave up. She noticed, trying to reach out and help him, but he shut her out. He yelled and screamed until she left his apartment with tears in her eyes.

           She found comfort in Felix, just like she always did. But something felt different. The more time she spent with him, pretending to love him the way he loves her, she found herself pretending less and less. Every smile that was meant for her spread warmth through her body. His touch burned her skin in a way Hyunjin’s never did. Her smile came naturally every time she woke up in his arms, him pressing delicate kisses to her face, smiling his infectious smile, and looking at her with all the love in the world.

           As the realization hit her, there was a knock on her door. Hyunjin was stood on the other side, his hair dishevelled as if he just rolled out of bed. He was nibbling on his bottom lip as he paced her apartment, trying to think of the right words. He needed to get everything off his chest before he could mend his friendships and fix himself. “I like you, Y/N. More than I thought I did.” He finally sat beside her, looking at her with a look of adoration she’s never seen from him before.

           “Hyunjin…” He shook his head, effectively stopping whatever she was going to tell him.

           “I’m not here to tell you to break up with Felix, because frankly, that man loves you more than I ever could. No matter which way you look at it, Felix will always be the better option, and I know you know that too. I’m here to fix our friendship that I threw away because of my jealousy.” He paused to run his fingers through his hair, thinking of what else he needed to say, wishing he wrote everything down as to not forget anything. “The three of us have been together since middle school, and I don’t want that to change. And honestly, I want to watch the light return to your eyes as you two fall more in love. I know being with me drained it, and god I am so sorry. I’m sorry I was so selfish, wanting to keep you for myself because you made me happy; I didn’t even realize you weren’t happy.”

           “I was, Hyunjin. For a while I was happy with you. So happy I thought I was falling in love with you. But it was lust.” As the words left her lips, Hyunjin teared up. She took his face in her hands, wiping the tears away as they fell. “Just as you made me happy before, Felix makes me happy now.”

           “You deserve all the happiness.” They both chuckled, tears falling from both their eyes now.

           “So do you, Hyunjin. And you’ll find it.” He wrapped his arms around her, thankful that his best friend refused to leave him even when he deserved it. “It’ll be the three of us until the end of time, so you’re stuck with Felix and I whether you like it or not.”

           “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

           When Hyunjin left that night, she couldn’t sleep. Flashes of Felix’s smile swirling in her mind every time she closed her eyes. Without thinking twice, she was out her door. In no time, she was standing outside Felix’s place, waiting for him to answer her knocks. As soon as the door opened, she threw her arms around him, pressing her lips to him, taking him by surprise, but he wasn’t complaining. The shock quickly wore off and he was wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling her closer. “What’s with the surprise visit?” He chuckled as they pulled away, closing the door as they entered his apartment fully.

           “I couldn’t stop thinking about you.” She admitted. “I’m in love with you, Lee Felix.” She beamed up at him, watching as he mirrored her wide smile.

           “And I’m in love with you, L/N Y/N.” He pressed his lips to hers again, knowing there would be many more kisses to come. Knowing that he wasn’t going to get his heart broken.

[yslkook]

IF I GOT YOU (7)

mind of mine masterlist

summary: one month later...and things start to come to a head. you feel more at peace than you've ever felt, but as usual, what remains peaceful is always interrupted.

pairing: “badboy” jk x “shy/reserved” oc

warnings: cursing, alc, excessive use of pet names, HELLA HELLA toxic friendship and dynamics, suggestive content (hooking up and other mentions)

word count: 4066

a/n: if you want to be tagged, send an ask plz. would love to hear your thoughts

Despite a month going by from the last time you spoke to Jungkook in the park and put all of your feelings out in the open, spring air, you feel lighter than ever. Maybe most of that has to do with the simple fact that you’ve finally cut out a toxic, deadweight from your life. Regardless of what ends up happening with you and Jungkook as friends or more than that, at least you are at peace and happy with being yourself.

Besides, it’s not like you don’t ever see him. You see him when you visit the tattoo parlor (but you haven’t allowed yourself to be alone with him and he hasn’t initiated), you’ve seen him at impromptu nights out, at Yoongi’s apartment. Neither of you allow yourself to be alone with each other, since you had both agreed to wait. Even your text message thread with him is dry, though.

You miss him, hoping that a notification of his name with the bunny emoji attached to it flashes across the screen. But it doesn’t.

For all of his bravado, he feels somewhat shy around you on the few occasions that he’s seen you. Jungkook will go out of his way to avoid you, hiding (as much as he can) behind Mina and Mei.

He misses you. Jungkook misses the feel of your lips molding against his, the way you felt in his arms, but most of all he misses your shy smile and your loud laugh. He misses the way your eyes shine when you speak about something you’re passionate about.

Mina had said you were both being stupid, taking time away from each other when you both are denying the inevitable. But it made sense in your mind and his. You want to know what kind of person you were without the burden of Sora’s judgment weighing heavily in every frame of your life. You take the time you need to take to recenter yourself and feel somewhat whole again.

It doesn’t take you long to adjust to life without a former best friend. You quickly begin to notice how different you feel, how differently you approach basic things that you hadn’t really put much thought to before.

It feels so refreshing to not feel like you’re walking in some metaphorical shadow of someone who didn’t really care about you. Well, you think on some level, she did care. But along with the insignificant way she made you feel, it’s not enough to justify it. And you’re really grateful that you don’t need to anymore.

In fact, you’ve already deleted most pictures with her on your social medias. You haven’t quite been able to block her yet, but you think you’ll be ready to do that soon enough.

The ever elusive notion of time really does seem to heal nearly all forms of hurt.

“So,” Yoongi starts, sitting next to you on his new black leather couch and handing you a glass of red wine.

“Don’t start with me,” You say, poking his shoulder.

“I’m not starting anything with you,” Yoongi shrugs, but his eyes twinkle.

“Oh? That’s the voice you use when you have gossip or when you’re about to interrogate me,” You mutter, rolling your eyes with a fond smile.

“Maybe it’s a little of both,” Hobi chimes in, sitting on your other side. He leans back and drapes his legs over your lap, to which you instantly rest your hands over his legs.

“How lucky for me,” You mumble, taking a long swig of your wine. You’ll need it.

“How’s that witch doing,” Yoongi asks bluntly.

“I don’t know, I told you I cut her off and kicked her out of my house like a month ago,” You reply, “Did you forget already?”

“No, I just like hearing that you finally came to your fucking senses,” Yoongi says, “She was awful, but I’ll commend you for sticking it out for this long. Cheers, the witch is finally gone-”

“I believe the phrase is, ‘ding dong, the witch is dead’, but this will suffice,” Hobi says and yelps when you swat his shoulder.

“Don’t be rude,” You say, “But… thank you for helping me see the light. Even if it took a while. And I’m sorry it affected our friendship, too.”

“Ah, well, we’re all here now,” Hobi says, pulling you in for a side hug.

“Yeah. So cheers,” Yoongi says again, raising his glass to you both, “Cheers to you for choosing yourself. And to new beginnings.”

“You’ll make me cry,” You say honestly, offering your friends a watery smile.

“As if we’ve never seen you cry before,” Hobi scoffs. And it’s true- they are two of your oldest friends, and even if you’ve come to the realization that maybe you hadn’t been the greatest friend to them… That bond is hard to sever, and you’re grateful that they’ve always had your back.

“Drink up,” You say with a smile, “Cheers to new beginnings.”

Yoongi has always been a little sly, unassuming but always with several tricks up his sleeve. When he so desires to cause a little mischief and stir the pot a little. And Hobi is all too happy to engage.

Which is how you end up several glasses of red wine and rose deep (yes, you mixed, rookie mistake but who cares. You’re in the presence of some of your greatest friends, after all).

And then Yoongi goes in for the kill.

“How’s our Jungkookie,” He asks, without missing a beat. You choke on your wine and wince when it somehow gets lodged in your nose.

“I don’t know. Think he’s good,” You finally respond, your words sounding slurred, “Ask Hobi. They work together, if you didn’t know.”

“Oh, thanks for the information. I had no idea.”

“Happy to be of service,” You say, leaning into Hobi's side, “Ikindofmisshim.”

“What was that? Didn’t quite catch that,” Yoongi says, a self-satisfied smirk blooming on his lips. He heard you, of course he did, but you don’t seem to pick up on it.

“I said I kind of miss him,” You reply, a dreamy look in your eyes, “Do you think he misses me, too?”

Hobi chokes back a laugh but you hear it and offer him a glare. “Don’t make fun of me!”

“Nobody’s making fun of you, stupid,” Yoongi says poking your forehead, “And yeah. Your man doesn’t shut up about you. Always with those eyes around you.”

“He’s not my man,” You whine pathetically.

“Yeah, that’s a mystery to both of us,” Hobi says, “How long are you both gonna keep this up?”

“Keep what up?”

“This weird awkward dance you both do around each other. Avoiding each other when we’re all together. It’s kinda funny, like we all know you both wanna fuck so bad-”

“Shut up! That’s- that’s not- shut up!”

Yoongi and Hoseok both burst into laughter, drunken giggles loud in the living room and you can’t help but laugh with them.

Clubs were never your most favorite place to unwind, but you make an exception for tonight. For Mina and Mei, you’ll make an exception. The three of you had gotten ready together in Mei’s home, in between sips of cocktails that she had poured out. Mina had done your makeup for you, giving you the sharpest eyeliner you’ve ever seen on your eyelids as well as a bold red lipstick.

It’s not a club night if there is no red lipstick involved, after all.

Your makeup usually looks good when you apply it yourself, but Mina has a genuine eye and skill for makeup artistry. You recall her telling you that she’d always dreamed of going to beauty school but hadn’t pursued it. You had told her that it’s never too late to fulfill a dream and she had only smiled at you.

“Hey,” You say, “Is Jimin coming tonight? How’d your date last week go?”

“It was really good,” Mina says, something sweet in her voice, “He made me dinner and dessert. And then I sucked his soul from his cock an hour later and he even made me squirt. And yeah, he’s coming tonight to the club. We’ll see what happens...”

“Wow,” You nod, listening with wide eyes, “That sounds amazing. I’m really happy things are going well for you both. Including the horny stuff.”

“The horny stuff?” Mei laughs, “You’re cute.”

“Shut up,” You say, playfully shoving her shoulder, “It’s no joking matter that he made you squirt.”

“Yeah, I high fived him after,” Mina says slyly, “It was… a night. Can’t wait to have another night like that. But I’m gonna make him work for it tonight.”

“As you should,” You nod solemnly, “What about you Mei? Are we drinking until we blackout or are you playing hard to get with Seulgi?”

“Who says we can’t do both?” Comes Mei’s muffled response.

“Cheers to that,” You reply, “Are… Jimin’s roommates coming?”

“You think you’re slick, huh?” Mina snorts, “You wondering about Jungkook?”

“N-no, I haven’t seen Taehyung in a while either-”

“Tae’s coming, but Jungkook isn’t. Something about having a long week and wanting to chill at home.”

“Oh, gotcha,” You say, cheeks ablaze as you avoid her eyes. Unable to hold the slight sting of disappointment from your voice.

Mina and Mei see right through it but they say nothing, only handing you a refill of your now empty glass.

Despite the relatively steady stream of drinks in your hand (an illusion, really, you’ve been nursing the same two drinks all night), you’re almost completely sober. In fact, you’re more tired than anything else. It seems that Jungkook had the right idea to stay home tonight. You’re rather benignly jealous of his decision.

You enjoy dancing and singing with your friends, feeling the thrum and excitement of music and your close companions bursting through your veins.But environments like this overwhelm you sometimes. All of the flashing lights, sometimes smoke and all of the people… Tonight seems to be one of those nights.

“Wanna dance?” Comes a rich, velvety voice behind you to the right. It’s Taehyung, and you’d rather dance with Taehyung than anyone else in this club. With the exception being Jungkook, but he’s not here right now.

“Okay,” You nod, taking his hand when he offers it to you. Your thoughts flit to Jungkook briefly.

Taehyung is good company, always keeping you with a smile on your face and filling you up with laughter. He keeps you close with easy, gentle movements as you both belt out the words to whatever song is playing on the speakers. But Taehyung has always been observant.

“You don’t really wanna be here, huh? I’d take it personally, if I didn’t know you,” Taehyung teases.

“No, it’s not that,” You murmur, “Just have never been a big club goer, that’s all. Jungkook had the right idea in staying home.”

“Yeah,” Taehyung muses, “What are you two doing?”

He’s almost as blunt as Yoongi (who’s also in some corner of the club. Usually, he keeps you company at things like this, but conveniently, he’s nowhere to be found.).

“If I knew I was going to be interrogated in this club, I would’ve drank more,” You say dryly. Taehyung laughs at that and squeezes your shoulder.

“You both deserve to be happy. Just want you to know that.”

“Thanks, Tae,” You say, a grin spreading across your face, “I guess you’re not as sleazy as Mina says you are-”

“Me? Sleazy?” Taehyung gasps, pretending to be affronted. You roll your eyes and offer him your hand.

“Wanna dance?”

Taehyung turns you around and holds your hips tightly in his hands, dancing with you to the beat of the music. It’s nice to be held like this, even if it’s a little dirty.

You don’t notice a pair of sly eyes watching you from across the club.

By the time you excuse yourself to catch a breath and grab some water from the bar, you realize that most of your friends are off doing their own thing. It gives you a second to people watch from the second floor of the curb and lean on the railings, taking in your surroundings. Despite stifling a yawn.

You relish in the cool feel of the icy water flooding your senses, waking you up a little more. You wonder if you can convince Yoongi to take you to get fries or tacos after the night ends. At the thought of tacos, you salivate a little.

But your taco fueled fantasies are broken when a few girls try to push past you to get to the bar. You mumble a soft apology, but it goes unheard. The unmistakable sound of a voice, a voice that you’ve only recently been able to put out of your mind, breaks through the barrier and it makes your heart drop.

It’s an angry call of your name. Your stomach churns, and suddenly you’ve never wanted to learn the art of teleportation more.

Sora, in all her bitter glory, stands in front of you with a full drink in her hands. Beside her are two of her friends, looking resigned and trying to plead with her that they should go.

“Missed me so much that you followed me here, huh?” Sora sneers.

“I’m not even going to entertain that with a response. Or you for that matter,” You say tiredly, trying to step past her.

“All your friends left you. Look at you all alone,” She says and you roll your eyes with a dry laugh.

“I’d rather be alone than have anything to do with you, Sora,” You reply easily, “I’m leaving now-”

But she sidesteps you again, gripping your forearm and looking at you with so much animosity that it makes your skin crawl. Had she always looked at you like that?

“I can’t believe you just dropped me like nothing. After I gave you everything,” Sora says, as if you had said nothing at all. She’s clearly a little drunk, telltale signs of her drunkenness clear on her face. Her words are slurred and she stumbles a little on her feet. You cringe. You don’t want to have this conversation with her whether she’s sober or drunk.

“You treated me like I was nothing,” You snap, “I don’t want to discuss this with you. Now let me go.”

“Or what? There’s nobody here ‘cept you and me, babe,” She says, her lips twisting into a cruel smirk. Her friends have disappeared and warning bells start to go off in your head. She’s right, all of your friends have dispersed. But you manage to fish your phone out of your purse while she rambles to you and send a text to the groupchat, simply stating “pls help, Sora is here”.

Dread seeps into your pores. You just want to be done with her presence.

“Sora, just let me go. Nothing you say will change anything,” You say heatedly, “Fucking let go of me!”

You try to yank your arm out of her grip but her nails are sharp against your skin.

“I loved you, you know that? I fucking gave you everything, you were my best friend,” Sora hisses, “I just wanted to you be happy. To see that I’d do anything for you.”

It takes a minute for the dust to settle but you suddenly begin to understand. “You hurt me! That’s not friendship or l-love, or anything remotely close to it. Nothing you say will change that. I don’t want you around anymore. Take a hint, Sora,” Your voice is cold and deadly, nothing like what Sora is accustomed to.

“Please, let me go,” You beg softly, “Why won’t you let me go?”

Tears spring into your eyes, both from the force she’s holding you with and from how much this is exhausting you.

“What does he have that’s worth all of this?” Sora hisses.

“It doesn’t matter what he has. I like him and I enjoy spending time with him, that’s all that should matter, and I’m not explaining Jungkook to you,” You say coldly, “You lost the right to know a long time ago. If you took your head out of your ass for two seconds, you’d know that this friendship was over months ago.”

By now, both of your voices have raised in volume and pitch, attracting the attention of bystanders. This makes no sense to you, your head is starting to hurt from the implications of her words. You just want to go home. By now, Yoongi has seen your text and is trying to get to the bar to rescue you from Sora.

“He won’t give you what you need,” Sora exclaims.

“Shut up! Just fucking stop talking about him,” You shout, “I’m so fucking sick of this, just leave me the fuck alone. Your opinion doesn’t matter to me anymore, just drop it!”

You feel the need to defend him though, “He’s kind, he has a big heart a-and, you know what, I don’t need to explain myself to you. Just fucking drop it! Leave me alone!”

“You are so fucking blind! You’ve always been such an oblivious fucking bitch,” She screams at you and your blood goes cold. You’ve seen her angry, but not like this not when her eyes are blown over with rage.

Yoongi’s heart is beating in his ears as he tries to find you- this club is fucking huge, where the hell could you be? He’s already sent a text to Jungkook, telling him that you might be in trouble at the club and that nobody could find you.

“Where is he then? If he’s so kind, he must be here right?”

“What the fuck is your problem? You’ve always had a stick up your ass about him specifically- I mean you’ve always have a stick up your ass, but with him it’s like something crawled up there and died-”

“You couldn’t even cuff him? You dropped me for him and you didn’t even cuff him?”

“That’s none of your business!”

“What are you afraid of, babe?” She sneers cruelly, “Afraid he’ll find something he doesn’t like? Or are you afraid you’ll find something that you don’t like?”

Frustration and hurt boils in your belly, causing wetness to pool in your eyes. You shut your eyes tightly, willing the feeling to go away. With all of the calmness you can muster, you throw her hand off of you and rub your forearm gingerly.

Before you can say anything, her eyes narrow to slits. You don’t even have time to react before you feel a sudden wetness drench the front of your top. Remnants of her drink are splashed on your torso and you gasp, rage flaring through your veins once more. How dare she throw her drink at you? Before you can do anything though, a pair of arms circle your waist and you’re pulled into a strong chest.

You recognize the scent of his cologne immediately and the feel of his leather jacket. “Jungkook,” You mumble, looking up at him. He immediately gives you his jacket and pushes it through your arms wordlessly.

“Hi,” He murmurs, taking in your wide, nervous eyes and the trembling of your hands. He brushes a thumb over your cheek before standing in front of you and you take his hand in yours. Jungkook squeezes reassuringly.

He offers Sora a long, hard look and a shake of his head. She almost balks at his intense gaze. Almost.

“C’mon baby,” Jungkook finally says, “Let’s get out of here.”

“My knight in shining arm-” You shiver once you’re both outside the club, away from the eyes of strangers. You cut your train of thought off when he pulls you close to him, cupping your cheeks with both hands. Worry dots his eyes and he presses his forehead to yours shakily.

“Jungkook?” You say softly, “Is everything-”

He exhales, a shudder felt against your skin. He seems to be at odds with himself, an internal battle dancing in his dark eyes. But Jungkook makes up his mind and cradles your face again, the gentle pads of his thumbs brushing over your cheeks.

“I missed you,” Jungkook croaks, “Shit, I miss you so fucking much. Can I kiss you, baby? Is it okay if I kiss you?”

You nod instantly, breathing out a soft ‘yes’. Whatever this recent development means for both of you, it makes sense. You want this and you want him.

And then he kisses you as if it was meant to be, as if he’s been thinking about your lips every minute of every day- soft, balmy lips against your chapped, red lips. Jungkook swallows your gasp, somehow brushing against the parts of your heart that missed him. His kiss is sweet and desperate as his tongue traces over your teeth before dipping further into your mouth. Your knees weaken slightly, but he holds you steady with one arm around your waist and his other hand cradling your cheek.

You’re overwhelmed by him and from the events of the night. Whatever wetness had gathered in your eyes clings to your lashes before dropping down your cheeks.

“Baby,” Jungkook says softly. He gathers you in his arms, hugging you tightly. You sink into his hold on you, inhaling deeply. The faint thrum of his heart calms you slightly.

“I missed you,” You reply, voice barely above a whisper, “Fuck, I missed you a lot.”

He kisses your forehead with a small smile, the hint of his dimples making you smile, too. Jungkook looks at you as if you’re transparent, trying to study the reason for your wet lashes and the tear stains down your face. A feeling of understanding passes between you both, calming your racing heart and your nerves.

“Jungkook,” You murmur, “Take me home.”

“Yours or mine?”

“Yours,” You reply, not really wanting to be in your home just yet, “It’s only fair, since you spent the night at my place last time, right?”

“I guess I can’t argue with that,” Jungkook chuckles. He kisses you one more time before adjusting his motorcycle helmet over your head. When you wrap your arms around him, you press a kiss to the back of his neck and behind his ear.

He shivers.

Jungkook can tell you’re in your head a little bit, a little quiet and shaky. Even as you head into his bathroom to change into the clothes he’d given you, you couldn’t quite meet his eyes. When you returned from the bathroom with a bare face, you’re lost in thought, biting down on your bottom lip and chewing harshly.

He’d pulled you into his arms, applied his clear balm on your lips, and chided you for treating your lips like that.

You only smiled weakly at him and meekly asked him to hold you under his covers. He doesn’t deny you.

He’d caught the tail end of Sora’s tirade at the club, and he’d begun to understand. He thinks you had begun to understand, too.

“Hey,” Jungkook whispers into your hair, “Do you want to talk, baby?”

“I don’t know what to say,” You admit softly, pressing your hand over his.

“I can talk for both of us,” Jungkook says, kissing your temple, “Can I do that?”

“Yeah,” You mumble, threading your fingers through his and squeezing.

“I heard some of what Sora said,” Jungkook says and you tense up but he wordlessly tells you to relax, “I think in some weird, twisted, fucked up way. She loved you and her way of showing you how was keeping you to herself. It’s shitty, but it made sense to her. But you don’t owe her anything, baby. Not a damn thing.”

“Yeah,” You sigh, “I feel really gross and I don’t know why.”

“That’s alright, baby,” Jungkook says, rubbing your arm, “You didn’t know. That’s not love, not really. You’re safe here.”

“I know,” You say, turning to look at him with a small smile, “I trust you.”

You turn fully in his arms, resting your head on his chest and wrapping an arm around his waist. His heartbeat lulls you to sleep, as well as his gentle fingers over your back. It’s so easy with him, and you don’t need to think too much. Just how you like it.

Tags: @kookdbean @codeinebelle

MoM Tags: @tiemeuptogoldenchains @boymeetsparadise @jungkooksseuphoria @kaepjjangiya @drumsofheaven @ppeachyttae @tae-bebe @yiyi4657 @mygscafe @beeeetsandskzreads @maichiverse @hordanhearsawhooo @anonymous2505

[pompomegranate]

curiosity

fandom | nanatsu no taizai

pairing | ban x reader

word count | 2.6k

warnings | 18+. smut. dirty talk. denial. minors dni.

a/n | so there isn't a lot of rhyme or reason to this i just wanted to imagine the possibility of ban's thot days pre-elaine :/ i just know that [REDACTED] is big and i wanted to write about it <3 this isn't heavily proofread and i haven't written an "x reader" fic before so be gentle pls (also kudos are appreciated)!!

read on ao3

You were curious. Maybe a bit too curious.

You’d heard the infamous Bandit Ban was back in town after a successful quest – no one really knew when he was leaving and when he was coming back.

He was like a stray cat in that way. All roaming, no settling, sitting down just long enough to get fed and take a nap before he was off again.

And as you eye him across the parlor, arms stretching behind his head, legs splaying out lazily, he looks cat-like too.

All sleek limbs and a nonchalant look, like he’d rather be anywhere else.

A couple drinks later, the cat-like look dissolves into one of a milk-drunk one, all blushing cheeks and a relaxed stance.

But his eyes… his eyes are the same. Bright and calculated and precise.

And cat-like.

Your breath hitches in your throat when you realize he’s staring right through you.

And you’re curious. So goddamn curious.

His lips upturn into a smirk, one that has your thighs clenching, and he knows this. He can tell exactly what you’re thinking.

You turn back to your drink and take a sip, trying not to crack under his lazer sharp gaze.

When you look back… he’s tipping back his mug, no doubt lapping up the last drops of ale.

He slams the mug down with a bit too much force, startling the bartender, who quickly tops him up.

Ban’s tongue darts out to lap up the foam clinging to his lips, getting it all in one firm swipe.

You can’t help but wonder just how long it is as it stretches around his mouth.

He knows you’re staring now, but you can’t seem to think about anything but the lazy grin spreading across lips long enough to care that he’s found you out.

He breaks first, turning to speak to the bartender.

You take your chance to stand up and head for the door, heart racing like never before. You saw Bandit Ban. You stared at him and he caught you and… you weren’t scared.

He’d been painted out to be this horrifically scary guy with a ruthless attitude and a murderous stare, but he wasn’t any of that.

He was gorgeous – oozing with sex appeal. With confidence. Like there was no doubt in the world that he could bag any person in every room.

You make it outside and the air is cool on your cheeks, warm from the ale you’ve been sipping on. Or maybe it was Ban – you couldn’t tell.

“What’s a pretty little thing like you doing at a shitty bar like this?” A voice calls from behind you – above you.

You turn, expecting to hurl an insult at a drunken idiot, but instead are met with him. All six – seven? – feet of him.

You barely stifle your gasp of surprise as you crane your neck up to look at him.

He’s leaning against the railing, thigh perched on it, arms crossed in a laid back gesture.

His face twists into a grin the second your eyes meet his.

“I was just leaving,” you blurt, already blowing it.

“Oh, were you? Assumed you were stickin’ around,” he teases, quirking a brow.

You realize that you left the bar with a half full mug.

“Stealing’s punishable by law, ya know,” Ban says, leaning forward to tower over you.

“I, uh, I didn’t mean to – I promise –” you stutter, holding the mug out to him apologetically.

“Like I’d take the word of a stranger,” he laughs, snatching the mug from your hands and tipping it back.

You watch as his Adam’s apple bobs with effort, stray droplets of ale streaking out the corners of his mouth. He quickly catches them with his tongue, swiping the back of his hand over his mouth, sighing with relief.

“Best fuckin’ ale I’ve ever tasted.”

You nod, chewing your lip. “I’ve never had anything like it.”

“Once you’ve got a taste –” he says, leaning forward again, crowding your space, his face getting closer and closer, “– You’ll never be satisfied again.”

You find yourself struggling to stand upright. Is he still talking about ale?

“Let’s cut to the chase, stranger. I saw you starin’ at me back in there. You want me or not?” The lazy smirk appears again, his cheeks flushed from drinking.

He’s not even trying and he’s got you seriously considering sprinting towards his bedroom.

You aren’t able to form words. He’s so… forward. And enticing. God, he’s so fucking enticing.

Your hands are trembling, so you clasp them in front of you. He takes note of this, his expression faltering just a bit.

You’re not scared of him by any means. He just makes you nervous.

“I’ll take that as a no,” he murmurs, rubbing a hand on the back of his neck almost… awkwardly? “You gonna get home okay? S’almost dark out.”

“Yes,” you say, finally, mustering up the courage to answer.

He looks confused, but then it dawns on him after he realizes what it took for you to accept his offer.

“My place is right around the corner. C’mon,” he says, and then his hand is hovering over the small of your back and you’re heading to Ban’s place like it’s any other week and not the wildest thing that’s ever happened to you.

His room is cozy, but bare, not many remnants of who he is or what he enjoys decorating the room (besides the empty alcohol jugs neatly lining the top of the beat up wardrobe).

His mattress is in the corner of the room, blanket and pillow strewn about messily.

“I’d say sorry for not making the bed but we’re just gonna ruin it anyways,” he laughs, kicking his shoes off, urging you to do the same.

And then he closes the gap between you.

He’s slipping his arms around you, one hand curling around your waist and the other hand cupping your chin, pulling you in for a sloppy kiss.

And you oblige, moving your lips in tandem with his, sighing as his tongue gently begs for your lips to part.

The kiss is growing heated, so you take the opportunity to let your hands roam, stroking down the front of his shirt, feeling the hard ridges underneath.

He groans into your mouth as you run your hands towards his waistline, catching your lip between his teeth hungrily.

You slip your hand into his pants, palming him gently.

Growling, he runs his hands all over you, grabbing and kneading every inch of skin he can get his hands on.

You continue to work him, sighing when his lips are on your neck, suckling at the tender skin there, his sharp teeth grazing your skin.

“Ban,” you breathe as he slips your dress over your head leaving you nearly naked, your underwear the only thing clothing you.

He grabs you underneath your ass and flings you over your shoulder, chuckling at the way you gasp in surprise.

“Put me down!”

“Alright,” he says, and tosses you unceremoniously onto the bed.

And then you realize you’re nearly bare, on your back, in Bandit Ban’s home (in his bed), completely at his mercy.

He seems to know this, and he’s absolutely reveling in this power.

He grins down at you, eyeing every peak and curve on your body. He reaches back to tear his shirt off, and then his pants, not even stopping to give you a show.

But honestly? It doesn’t even matter, because when he’s done, he’s breathtaking.

Ban’s just a mile of solid, marbled muscle and sex appeal and he knows it.

He crawls towards you, settling in between your thighs. You watch as he hooks a thumb into your underwear and pulls it to the side before sitting back to admire you.

“Such a pretty, pretty pussy. Can’t wait to make a mess of you,” he winks, grinning, leaning in to press an open mouthed kiss on your folds, just sloppy enough that you can’t help but relax your hips even more, opening for him.

He licks a long, firm swipe all the way from the bottom to the top, the tip of it never leaving you. He swirls the tip of his tongue against your clit, the short strokes ripping an involuntary moan from you.

You’re sighing his name and a string of expletives, and it only encourages him to do exactly what he’s doing at an even more relentless pace, his hand splaying on your inner thigh to keep you tightly firmly in place.

He’s not letting you go anywhere – you can’t curl into yourself or bend away as he sucks your clit into his mouth and slowly inches a finger from his free hand into you.

Your hands fist the blanket when he begins to pump his finger, adding another one just as slowly, a complete contrast to the speed of his mouth.

You begin to twitch, feeling yourself climbing closer and closer to your release and you try to clench your thighs but you feel his hand shift up your thighs. He lays his forearm across your lower stomach, anchoring you in place.

He pulls back just for a minute to smirk at you, continuing to work his hand.

“Oh, nuh-uh, you’re not going anywhere, baby,” he all but purrs, pressing a kiss to your sensitive clit, flashing a grin at you when you jolt at his touch.

“Lemme hear you,” he says, picking up speed, his fingers curling inside of you.

“Please, Ban – oh, fuck –” Your hips are bucking to keep up with his movements now, and you feel yourself pulsing around him and you’re so close and –

He stops his movements, pulling his hand away.

You make a frustrated sound, one that amuses the hell out of him. He just laughs, kissing your inner thigh and tugging your underwear the rest of the way down, flinging it across the room.

“Quit your whining, sweetheart. I promise it’s better the longer I make you wait,” he says, standing, beginning to lazily pump himself in front of you and you can’t help but watch.

You knew before meeting the infamous Ban that he was a skyscraper with a chiseled build, and assumed he had the cock to match – but seeing it in person was a different story.

“You like what you see?” He says under his breath, rolling his hand around his tip.

You nod, completely at a loss for words.

“C’mere,” he says, leaning down to kiss you and he smiles when he feels your hand instinctively reach for his shaft. “Eager, are we?”

“How do you want it? I’m lettin’ you pick the speed of this ride, babe,” he murmurs against your ear, hand running through your hair.

“If you’re not sure you can always take me for a test drive,” he chuckles, tugging at your earlobe with his teeth.

You nod furiously, and before you know it he’s flipped you and you’re on top, straddling him, just the slightest bit of friction, just enough to make your breath hitch.

He grips your hips, thumb settling into the crease where they meet your thigh, his fingers digging into the flesh of your ass.

“Spit for me,” he says, holding a hand under your mouth. When you do, he reaches between the two of you, pumping himself with that hand, lazily swiping what’s left over your lips.

Ban watches your face (really watches your lips) as he presses into you, and you’re already sinking your teeth into your bottom lip with the first inch and he’s absolutely eating it up.

His hands resume his place at your hips, ever so gently training you farther down, letting you adjust to each inch of him.

“Shit…” He says, watching your face contort. “You feel so fucking good.”

He bottoms out inside of you, and you can’t help but dig your nails into his chest where you’ve been resting your palms to anchor yourself.

You begin to move slowly, agonizingly, and he’s already got you clenching your thighs, but the second he bucks his own hips, you’re a goner.

You roll your hips in time with his own, the pinch of his fingers digging into the flesh of your hips a welcome sensation.

Your moans fill the room, Ban’s pants just as loud, his eyes trained on your face like your own pleasure was enough to get him off.

“Faster,” you mutter, breathless, barely able to get a command out.

“Yes, ma’am,” he says, bending his knees so he can pump up into you.

You all but go limp at the new pace, unable to help yourself from buckling, leaning forward until your chest was pressed against his.

He cranes his neck so he can speak directly into your ear, broken praises scattered between gasps. “You’re so – fucking good for me… You’re taking me – so well.”

You groan in response at his filthy mouth, still mumbling words of encouragement as he fucks up into you, his pace relentless and so good.

You take this as a sign to lean back and regain some control, palms flat against his front as you grind your hips as fast as you can manage, revelling in the way his eyes roll back and he grips your hips tighter, tighter –

He slows his own pace, letting you set it, the delicious, triumphant feeling of making him moan beneath you egging you on to move faster.

The confidence and looseness you felt from the mug of ale is long gone, replaced with Ban’s loud groans – you feel like you could conquer the world.

Ban is a writhing mess underneath you, brow slick with sweat, mouth forming around the most foul words (cushioned with praise, of course).

“Fuck – fuck – slow down, I’m gonna –” He takes a hand away from your thigh and rubs firm circles on your clit, trying to catch you up to him.

“Oh my god, yes –” your words come out garbled as you ride his cock and his fingers.

He sits up slowly, turning so his legs are planted on the ground, hand never leaving your clit.

When his other hand finally leaves your hips, he’s grabbing your tit and capturing your nipple between his teeth, suckling until it stings.

That sends you over the edge – your hips stutter just as his movements become erratic, and you can’t help but lean forward to kiss him deeply, passionately until you both ride it out.

He flops back onto the bed, laughing when you yelp at the unexpected fall. You roll off on him but stay snuggled against him.

He speaks first.

“Fuck, that was good.”

You giggle, covering your face with your hands. “Says you. You were incredible.”

He shrugs, standing to stretch.

“Ya know, I wouldn’t mind taking you for a spin a couple of times,” he jokes, retrieving his shirt from the floor.

“I gotta head out to do some things. You gonna head out?”

You bite your lip, a little upset that it was over so quickly. Yeah, you were satiated but… was one time enough?

You don’t answer, and he doesn’t say anything more until he’s fully clothed, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“You don’t have to go just yet, stranger. No rush. I wouldn’t mind another round after I get back,” he winks, grabbing the handle of the door.

You nod furiously, grabbing the nearest pillow to cover your body as he flings the door open.

“See ya soon for round two,” he says, giving a single wave before shutting the door.

You fall back against the covers again, your eyes heavy from being completely spent. The haze of sleep quickly overtakes you, and thoughts of Ban swirl around your mind until your breathing evens out.

[spencersawkward]

i’m so happy ur on tumblr now!! i love between the lines so much, could you write a blurb or one shot about mgg and a younger co-star, but like very spicy if possible 🙃, idk i just love that scenario🥵.

i was literally about to write "omg i love this concept too!" and then i was like “well no fucking shit, sophi.” lol. YES i can 10/10 write you a one-shot with a similar scenario! also thank you for your kind words that was the first fic i ever wrote so it’s very near and dear to my heart!

summary: reader goes to a holiday party with her co-stars and best friend, Matthew... but all the fun happens in the dressing room.

content warnings: this one is quite dirty but i’m also proud of it lol. unprotected penetrative sex, oral (female receiving), degradation, use of the term “little girl,” creampie, age gap. dirty talk?

pairing: Fem!Reader/Matthew

word count: 4.7k

masterlist

"no."

"what do you mean, 'no’?” Matthew laughs, looking between me and the mirror.

"I look like the Ghost of Christmas Past." I lift up the soft white tulle of the dress, watching it float back down to settle over my skin. he's got his eyebrows raised and there's a smirk on his lips like he's holding back a laugh. I resist the urge to reach around and hit him.

"would you rather wear that?" he points to the punch-stained gown that's now laying pathetically over the back of the vanity chair. I genuinely ponder the idea for a moment.

"honestly, the crime scene vibes might work well with the theme of our show."

"seriously, it's not bad, Y/N!" he insists, drawing my attention back to the mirror.

"you're just saying that because you're the one who spilled on me and you don't want people making fun of how clumsy you are." I cross my arms over my chest. he gives me a dubious expression in our reflection on the wall.

"do I seem like I care about that?" he challenges.

"I--" the truth is that no, Matthew is not the type. Matthew is the kind of person to flounder in front of anyone and proceed to crack a joke about himself. he's humble. but I kind of like when we talk like this, our back and forth.

after a year of working together on the same show, he and I have grown incredibly close. I'm friends with all my co-stars, but he and I just have the natural friendship chemistry that makes me want to spend all my time with him. when we're not on set, we're hanging out on his couch or ordering dinner or driving out of town to check out wacky sites around California. we just have fun. pure, clean, honest fun.

of course, in my dreams it isn't pure or honest. frankly, there's a lot of sordid scandal to what goes on in my head when he accidentally touches my arm or brushes his fingers over mine. the amount of times I have gone to cast parties trying to work up the nerve to kiss him are embarrassing. he's older and more experienced and, obviously, he has no interest in me.

but that doesn't matter.

the only reason I'm standing in a dressing room alone with him is because he knew someone on the crew who could hook me up with a replacement for the night. he left while I slipped out of the old one and came back in only after knocking and checking, like, twice to make sure I was decent. he's so respectful that it's almost like he's afraid of making me think the wrong thing-- which makes me feel absolutely stupid for my almost schoolgirl crush.

"come on, you look great. let's go enjoy the party."

"was this a dress one of the victims was wearing?" I ask with a laugh.

"probably. not like we carry a lot of gowns on set." he grabs my hand, makes my heart leap into my throat. he only does it to urge me along, but it still feels intimate as I follow him out of the room, tossing one more evaluative glance at myself in the mirror. I seem terrified.

we continue to do our rounds at the party, Matthew filling my glass of eggnog even though I hate it. I wince and take a sip while we talk to some of our co-stars.

"what's wrong with you?" Shemar chuckles at my expression.

"lost a bet."

"with whom?" he glances between Matthew and me, knowing damn well already from the mischievous grin on the former's face.

"I told you not to take it." Matthew says over the rim of his glass.

"if you mention it one more time, I'm gonna throw up eggnog all over your outfit." I threaten him, but we're both smiling. Shemar frowns.

"what was the bet?"

"you know David-- the guy I was telling you about?" I reply quickly, determined to give my side of the story. Shemar nods; I told him last week when David oh-so-chivalrously danced up on me at a club and asked me out. usually in those situations, guys just want a one-night stand, so I was impressed and agreed. "anyway, Matthew said if it turned out that he was a weirdo, he would get to pick my drinks for the next week whenever we go out."

"your drinks? that's specific."

"she's so picky!" Matthew teases me.

"leave me alone, you dick!" I elbow him and he dodges just in time.

"tell him why he was a weirdo." he grins. the glare I give could kill. but Shemar is waiting expectantly for me to share the information, so I sigh and set my jaw before telling the truth.

"he collects antique dental tools."

"what?" Shemar laughs disbelievingly. I throw my hands up.

"I don't fucking know. we went back to his apartment and he showed me his whole collection."

"you're attracted to weird people, Y/N." Matthew says. I raise my eyebrows and almost say something that dooms me. I hold my tongue, however, and turn back to Shemar with a reserved smile.

"anyway, how are you?"

...

the cast holiday party is actually pretty fun. I tend to leave these functions early in favor of my couch and some ice cream, but something about the bright colors and the smell of wintergreen in the air makes me want to linger in the studio.

I stuff myself with sugar cookies and Matthew mercifully lets me switch from eggnog to Sprite. normally, I'd drink at such an occasion, but I'm a messy drunk and this is one of my first real jobs as an actress. I don't want to even come close to jeopardizing that by breaking some expensive equipment or something.

my throat gets a little sore from all the talking I do-- Paget and I spend about half an hour horribly belting out Christmas carols at the baby grand piano they brought in. they originally had someone hired to play it, but the guy disappeared about an hour ago.

by the time it hits around ten pm, my limbs are tired. I thought people would be leaving (a lot of them have families), but the party is still very much raging when I start to wind down. maybe it's because I'm sober.

"hey." Matthew sidles up next to me as I sit at the piano bench with a slice of lime in my mouth. I like to suck the juice out of them; sour things are my favorite.

"hi." I pluck the fruit out and drop it back into my soda. he sits next to me, his cologne filling my senses with the kind of sensual warmth that it shouldn't be making me feel. he always smells so good.

"ladylike." he gestures to the movement.

"is that why you call me 'princess?'" I smirk, half-joking.

"once-- I called you that once!" he defends. it's not a lie. he used the nickname when he was mocking me for my somewhat selective food preferences. it was sarcastic, but I wish it wasn't. something about the way he said it in the moment made me blush.

"is there a reason you've come to grate my nerves?" I raise an eyebrow and he turns away from me as he bites back a smile. I pout. "what?"

"you're talking like a Jane Austen novel."

"what's wrong with Jane Austen?" I defend, skin heating up. his proximity is doing things to me that it shouldn't.

"nothing," he glances at me before moving his gaze to the ivory keys. "do you play?"

"elementary level, sure." I giggle. he runs his fingers over them, never pressing down hard enough to release a sound. I'm entranced by the delicate nature of his actions, the veins and the curve of his fingertips, the sheer width of his hand. I think about it too much for it to be healthy.

"show me." it's a direct order, one that doesn't feel directive but still ends with me placing both hands on the piano and wracking my brain for something to play. I decide on a piece that Paget and I were doing earlier, "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas."

I've never been quite good at piano, and the nearness of his body is like an anvil on my fingers, but I play anyway. and it feels good. his eyes are on me, drawn to my tracings over the instrument as they press and lift and glide.

"sing." I tell him.

"no!" he protests. I don't stop playing, only now getting into the thick of the tune.

"oh, come on. just the chorus..." I plead, turning my head to beg. "please?"

I bat my lashes playfully, fully intending it as a joke, but Matthew softens a bit. for a fraction of a second, I think he looks at my mouth. he turns his head back to the piano and lets out a quiet "here we are as in olden days... happy golden days of yore..."

"there you go!" I egg him on, and he starts to get more into it. his voice is absolutely off-key; he's no singer, and somehow that makes him even more endearing to me.

Matthew has always been this flawless, intimidating figure in my mind. even when we first met, I was certain that he was hiding something because everything else about him is so... perfect. he's funny, sweet, genuinely kind, handsomer than hell. it didn't make sense. but knowing that he can't carry a tune makes me feel a bit better. it humanizes his beauty.

while he sings, I can't help looking at him. his side profile is even more enchanting; the curve of his features meeting a smooth elegance in his jaw and cheek, especially when his mouth is open. he catches me smiling at him and returns it with his own gleeful face, now totally fine with singing like a fool in front of everyone. nobody is even really looking at us-- they're several drinks in and lost in their own universe of drunken laughter.

there's something kind of magical about that, I think. we're sober. when the song draws to a close, I lift my fingers off the keys and into my lap.

"you're quite the Pavarotti." I joke.

"the who?" he furrows his brow with a smile.

"he's a famous opera singer."

"oh," he laughs, "thanks, Mozart."

I twist my face up as I hide my smile. this is also part of the reason I could never tell Matthew how I feel; we just fit together too well. he almost always gets my references and I understand his, even though there's an age gap between us. he's an old soul with a youthful heart.

"how's your night going?" I ask him softly, changing the subject. he sets his hands on his lap, absent-mindedly toying with his fingers. it's not a nervous tendency at all. he does it whenever we're on set.

"as of right now? pretty damn good." he replies with a smile. I get warm again at the implication. he doesn't mean it like that, but god, do I wish he did.

"very smooth." I compliment appreciatively.

"how about you?"

"it was kind of boring, but then this rando sat next to me and started singing Christmas songs and it got a little better." I say flatly, grabbing my glass off the top of the piano and running my fingertip over the rim. he drops his head in a giggle.

"you're something else."

"insult?" I clarify.

"definitely a compliment."

"I like compliments."

"well, I wasn't lying before. you look really beautiful in that dress."

"the murder dress?" I glance down at it to hide the absolute wideness of my eyes at his words. he's completely flustering me and I'm starting to find it hard to breathe. he said I look beautiful. not "pretty," not "great"-- beautiful.

"yes, the murder dress." he gets a little pink in his cheeks, and that makes me want to explode on the spot.

"well, say goodbye to it because I'm gonna go change back into my plebeian clothes," I stand from the piano bench. "it's past my bedtime."

Matthew looks up at me with an unreadable expression and I feel my heart flutter in my chest. I hate leaving him. "do you wanna come with me? like-- walk with me?"

"sure." he nods, stands, and follows behind. I can feel his presence like a delightful reminder of the emotions surging in my stomach. we wind through the crowd of party-goers until we end up back in the dressing room, away from the party. it's quiet.

Matthew walks in with me, carrying our drinks in his hand, and he's about to stroll back out so I can change when I touch his arm. the door shuts automatically behind him.

"wait," I swallow quickly. "can you unzip me?"

"oh." Matthew looks at me, then at the glasses in his arms, then at the vanity. he sets them down and comes back quickly, his frame behind me while his fingertips locate the little piece at the top of my gown. my breath hitches in my throat when he brushes over my spine by accident, one nail dragging accidentally against my skin as the fabric slowly gives way. I don't know if he hears it-- it's nearly imperceptible-- but he definitely hesitates once he reaches the place where my back starts to curve into my ass. he pauses, doesn't breathe until he reaches the end of the zipper.

"there you go." he mutters. his voice is a little more hoarse than usual, and he clears his throat as he steps away. I know he's going to back out. he's going to back out of the room and wait for me to slip into nothing and I know, somehow, that he's going to be thinking about how I look in here with my clothes off. he's going to wish he stayed.

and I'm going to wish he'd done more than stayed.

before I can lose my nerve and allow the moment to be swallowed up by practicality, I shrug the straps of the dress down my shoulders and let gravity take over. it drops to the floor, leaving me in only my bra and panties. I can sense him behind me; he's silent for a moment.

"Matthew." I say, the name sitting on my tongue like a sugar cube. perfectly formed, slowly dissolving.

"y-yeah?" he stutters for the first time since I've met him.

"are you looking at my ass right now?" I ask, still turned around. the way he's frozen in place tells me that I'm right.

"yeah." he admits.

"you can touch it, if you want." I murmur softly. part of me doesn't think this is real, the way each sentence leaves my throat like it's been pre-planned. truly, I don't understand how my brain is moving so quickly.

"are you... sure?" he's hesitant, but even I can taste the longing.

"yes."

his hand smooths over my butt, softly at first like he's still not believing his own eyes, before moving back to grab it. he squeezes the flesh, and a low exhale from him tells me that he's excited.

"do you want more?" my voice barely carries. my head is almost foggy from how good it is to have his grip on my body, even in such a simple way. I can feel myself getting wet.

"how much more?" his lips brush over my shoulder and I get goosebumps. my mouth opens and closes for a moment, searching for the right words.

"however much you want."

it's flint and steel, the way he sparks. the air literally leaves my lungs when Matthew grabs my hips and spins me around to face him. my lips part as I peer up at him, at the lust that now darkens those hazel eyes and the way he holds mine. his touch is certain. he pulls our bodies together, tilts my chin up to kiss me.

it's passionate, strong, the kind of kiss that causes me to lean back a bit just to receive the full force of his desire. but I return the affection easily, moaning into his mouth. I've never been held the way that Matthew holds me. like I'm made of sugar glass, like he wants desperately to feel the soft give of my skin and make a home of me.

the heat between our bodies is almost overwhelming, and I sigh when he subtly pushes our hips together. his erection is against my stomach.

"fuck." I mutter when I pull away for air. Matthew doesn't stop his perfect movements, though, tugging my earlobe between his teeth and starting to leave love bites up my skin and over my shoulder. he chuckles against my throat. I shiver.

"you alright, little girl?" he asks.

"just--" I let out a moan at the sensation of his fingers exploring my bare waist. he reaches behind me to unclasp my bra. "just surprised."

"about?" he slides the straps down my shoulders and looks me in the eye. the lack of physical contact makes me whine.

"that you want me."

"how is that surprising?" he smiles, using one index finger to guide me to look at him.

"you don't seem like it."

Matthew raises his eyebrows as if I'm a crazy person. truly dumbstruck. "what?"

"you-- well, I don't know." I frown, but Matthew takes my hand and moves it over his torso until my palm is resting over the considerable bulge in his pants.

"is this enough proof?"

I struggle for words, sputtering. "yeah-- yeah, it is."

he bucks into my hand a little and I bite my lip, eyes moving up to meet his. something passes between us that I don't fully understand, but feel in my bones. I have never, in my life, wanted someone to fuck me as much as I want Matthew to fuck me right now. my jaw clenches.

"I need you." I tell him like this is the most relevant piece of information that will ever pass between us. he smirks.

"yeah?"

"mhmm."

"then lean against the wall and let me give you what you deserve." he orders. for a second, I try to think through what he means. then I look behind me at the open space and back up, him following me closely. his hands move up to cup my breasts, kneading and tweaking my nipples as he kisses my lips. the coolness against my back causes me to gasp, and he swallows the sound with his tongue before moving down my body.

he's torturously slow, taking one of my nipples into his mouth while he shrugs off his suit jacket. he switches to my other peak, one hand splayed over my stomach, and then proceeds southward with his lips. his kisses are delicate, open-mouthed, as they find their way to the waistband of my panties.

he hooks his fingers in them and looks up at me.

"can I eat you out, baby?" he asks. I bite my lip.

"please." like a beg.

"oh, you're polite tonight." he smirks, tugging the garment down my legs and discarding it somewhere in the room. I don't respond, and he doesn't seem to need me to, because he pushes one leg up for better access to my pussy. "let's see if it lasts."

my back curves off of the wall involuntarily when he holds the flat of his tongue against my clit suddenly, trying to roll my hips against his face. my fingers tangle in his hair, one leg resting over his shoulder.

he starts to flick at my clit. I lose grasp of my own language.

"Matthew, that feels so good, I--"

he attaches himself to my bundle of nerves, seemingly turned on by the sounds I'm making for him. he groans as he laps at the wetness between my legs, dipping into my folds and sucking the soul out of me. I whine and use his curls as leverage to gain more friction. he peers up at me.

"needy little girl." he mumbles against my pussy. I shove him back into me.

"make me cum, then." I beg. I can practically feel the devilish smirk on his face as he devours me like he'll never get enough. every twist and lick of his tongue is sending me to new places. I'm panting, chest heaving, while I grab my own tits and buck into his mouth.

he moans. my orgasm hits me like a wave, causing me to nearly thrash with pleasure as I cry out.

"Matthew, keep going, fuck yes!" I feel tears prick the back of my eyes, the culmination almost too much to bear as we hold contact. he stares into my fucking soul as he eats me out, and I want to stay like this forever. it's hard to support myself with my legs going weak, but I love it. the sensations are otherworldly. it's only when I'm about to collapse that I push his face away from me.

"I love your pussy." he tells me, licking his lips as he sets my legs down. I grin and let my head fall back against the wall.

"thanks."

"come here, princess." he takes hold of my hips and guides me over to the mirror, turning me so that he's standing behind my frame. the pet name causes me to smile.

"what?" I reference our reflection. he stares at me, reaching around to squeeze my tits.

"I wanna fuck you in the mirror." such a vulgar thing, said so beautifully. he kisses my cheek. "if that's okay with you."

"I don't care what position we do as long as you're fucking me." I breathe honestly. he chuckles and draws me towards him so his clothed boner is against my ass. I reach behind and work the button on his pants. he undoes the ones on his shirt. we're silent, him watching my naked body move like he's trying to memorize every detail.

when he's finally stripped, he lets me stroke his cock for a couple moments before pushing my upper back forward so I'm holding onto the sides of the mirror. I see him biting his lip as he lines himself up at my entrance.

"you ready?" he checks. I nod and he smiles at me once. pushing in, the smile melts into a jaw-dropped haze, eyes rolling into the back of his head. "Y/N..."

"it's so big." I try to breathe. he's so deep, I grip the mirror until my knuckles turn white. he's going to snap my body in two with the angle of his cock, filling me easily.

"tight little thing." he grunts as he holds himself inside. I can only watch in shock as I try to adjust to the sheer feeling of him. Matthew runs his hands over my sides, my ass, touching whatever he can. "how's that?"

I start to wiggle my hips and he groans at the feeling of my walls desperately swallowing him up. "Matthew, I need it."

"need what?" he thrusts into me and I have to fight a scream.

"need you."

"fuck... yes." he hisses out, sliding into me. "you're so wet I don't even need to try."

I bite my lip to withhold my sounds and he stares me in the eyes in the mirror as he starts to fuck me harder, building a pace with his hips. he growls a little if he hits certain angles, getting ruthless.

"so many times when I wanted to be inside you, princess..." he trails off. I start to play with my clit with one hand, using the other to stabilize myself with the mirror. the idea turns me on.

"when?"

"whenever you have attitude," he pants. "tonight, in that innocent fucking dress. making me wanna pound you like a little slut."

I make a high-pitched sound at the shudder of pleasure that jolts through my stomach at his words, wanting more. I've never heard him talk this way before.

"Matthew, shit--" I rub myself in circles, caught between watching his face and watching the way his hips slam into mine.

"you're begging to be fucked, you know that?"

"am I?" I smile sweetly in the mirror. we're in our own world, locked in a fantasy that I never want to leave. I can feel him in every corner of my body, sinking beneath my skin. he digs his nails into my ass.

"mhmm." he hums. I can feel the familiar weight in my stomach that indicates how close I'm getting. a knot that screams to be undone by his perfect length. I would do anything for more of this. I can taste everything good in the world on my tongue.

"I'm so close." I whine.

"I can tell," he studies my face in the mirror. "so pretty when you're breaking."

"oh--" I feel my thighs tense and my body pulses, the euphoria almost overwhelming. we move steadily, rhythmically, and he pushes my climax to new levels. "faster." I cry.

Matthew is quick to respond, gripping me closer while he plows into me like he's never going to have my body again. the sound of it is filthy, perfect, a mess. he groans at the sensation of my cunt pulsating around his cock.

"cum for me, princess." he moans, losing himself in the embrace of my core. the foggy stare in his eyes is like drowning in the ocean. I sink below, not caring at all about the consequences of him inside me. fuck working together; I need him. "where should I cum?"

"in me." I groan.

"beg." he commands easily, watching my face contort in pleasure. I could pretend to fight it, to give a little attitude, but I don't want to. I love begging for him.

"fill me up, Matthew. please." each word punctuated by the breathlessness of my voice. he gets even more ferocious with me, beating up my pussy until I'm sure he's going to leave me sore.

"right there, right there," he gasps, hitting the same spot that makes me go cross-eyed. "such a good little slut."

his cum shoots into me, deep and warm and erotically twisted, and I nearly collapse. it feels weird, but so good at the same time. full. he groans out my name and withdraws, quick to grab my shoulders and hold me up as I almost fall. I hadn't realized that most of my body weight was supported purely by his thrusts.

"whoa." he lets out a tired laugh, gentle in his touch. I'm heaving air into my lungs.

"sorry." I apologize, my body unstable.

"are you okay?" he seems genuinely concerned and I nod.

"yeah, I'm fine. just a little overwhelmed."

"here," he scoops me into his arms and brings me over to the old love seat in the dressing room, laying his jacket down before putting me on top of it. "can I get you something?"

"Sprite." I gesture to the glass on the vanity, and he smiles as he goes to get it. I gulp down whatever remains of it. "thanks."

"of course." he keeps glancing at my face and the red marks on my hips where he was clutching me like a lifeline. "I'm sorry."

"what?" I set the cup down. "don't ever be sorry for fucking me like that."

"no, I meant--" he laughs, but then he sees my playful expression and realizes that I'm genuinely alright. I think my legs were asleep.

"you're a saint." I tell him. he frowns and shakes his head bashfully. I'm already getting up and collecting my clothes. "or maybe what we just did prevents you from reaching sainthood. I don't know."

he places his hand on my lower back, kisses my forehead tenderly.

"seriously. you're okay?"

"I'm perfectly fine," I assure him. "but I would be better with a milkshake."

Matthew breaks into a slow grin, staring at me like I've done something miraculous.

"how are you so perfect?"

[mercy-burning]

Losing You Twice / 1: If I Hated You

Pairing: Spencer Reid x fem!Reader Summary: It’s Valentine’s Day weekend, and it turns out Y/N isn’t the only one struggling with the breakup. Category: Smut (18+), Angst Content Warnings: Language, drinking/getting drunk, penetrative/unprotected sex (If I missed anything, please let me know!) Word Count: 5,538

SERIES MASTERLIST | MASTERLIST

“My bedtime is the darkest, that’s when I’m brokenhearted. The nighttime is the hardest. It’d be easy, if I hated you.” —FLETCHER, If I Hated You

FEBRUARY 13th

It was Valentine's Day weekend, which sucked this time around. Every year for the past three years Y/N looked forward to Valentine's Day, but that was when she actually had someone to spend it with.

Well, someone she actually cared about, anyway... Whether or not Spencer actually knew it, she did really care about him. She was just stupid and didn't say it when he needed to hear it the most.

And now Valentine's Day was on Saturday and Y/N was still without him. Not alone, but still without the man who'd spent the significant holiday with her for the past three years. Memories of their dates and 'afterparties' flooded through her mind as she got ready for work like a montage, a cheesy love-song playlist she'd found on Spotify acting as the soundtrack.

Eventually she sighed and turned it off, opting for something more loud and obnoxious, and therefore not tainted by Spencer's memory. She applied what was left of her makeup and added a pair of earrings before turning the music off altogether and shoving her phone in her bag alongside her keys and other necessities.

Even though she wasn't emotionally prepared for all the cheesy Valentine's things she'd see and hear and experience throughout the weekend, it was still kind of nice to see that things in the bank never changed during the holidays— Everything in her life was so severely different at the moment, that if Marjorie had somehow decided to throw out all her elaborate decorations for each holiday, no matter how small, Y/N would have thought the world was truly ending.

Speaking of, she was met with Marjorie's brighter-than-the-sun smile almost immediately once she set her things in the breakroom.

"How's my little macaron this morning?" she chirped, Y/N chuckling slightly at the nickname— She brought macarons from the bakery down the street on her first birthday she spent at the bank, and ever since then, the older woman had adorned her with the namesake.

"She's alright, Marj... Better now that she's seen you..."

"That boy still on your mind, hon?"

Obviously Marjorie's intentions were good, but Y/N couldn't stand to think about the situation at all, least of all at work... So, setting her jacket on the rack, turned away so that her coworker wouldn't see the visible discomfort on her face, Y/N squeezed her eyes shut and cleared her throat. "So, what are your plans with Geno tomorrow night? Anything special?"

There was a brief pause before Marjorie cleared her throat as well. "Nothing short of our usual dinner plans, my dear. He's been so caught up with work at the Mill lately, I think we're just going to spend the night relaxing."

"Hm," Y/N said shortly, finally turning around and giving her the best smile she could. "Maybe I should take a page from your book and stay in..."

"You weren't going to?"

"No... Britt's been nagging me about getting out there so we're going out tomorrow night. We both haven't been single in a long time, so... Should be fun."

Marjorie didn't look convinced. Either way, she nodded with a smile and walked over to Y/N with something glittery and bright red in her hand— A cheap beaded necklace to clip her nametag onto. She draped it over Y/N's neck and patted her shoulders. "Well, I want you to have fun. And remember that you still have to come to work on Monday. Whatever shenanigans you get into should be reserved for Saturday night only so you can rest properly on Sunday, got it?"

Y/N laughed, thankful for the playful tone in Marjorie's voice. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Oh, I joke, I joke," the older woman said with a bright laugh, turning to walk out of the break room. "A little..."

The smile on Y/N's face only really lasted until after Marjorie was out of sight, then she went into her bag and clipped her nametag onto the red beaded necklace with a sigh.

Was she excited to have a good night out with Britt? Of course. Hell, had it been literally any other day of the year, she would have been practically bouncing off the walls with excitement at the idea of going out to a bar, letting men hit on her until she finally let one of them take her back to his place for the night.

But it just felt like it was too soon.

Either way, she was glad that she'd get to see Britt again, after she'd been on vacation for Christmas and New Year's to see her family and only got back a few weeks ago. She'd seen her on Facetime of course, and they met up once for coffee right after Britt got back from her trip, but a well-needed night out and quality time getting ready together was something that had been missing from their friendship for almost a year.

Y/N knew Britt would most likely spend her time trying to hook them up with end-of-the-night dates, but maybe it wouldn't be so bad...

Even still, sleeping alone the night before was probably one of the worst spells of loneliness she'd ever had. It was normal to be sad spending the first Valentine's Day in years away from a significant other, but knowing how things ended between them—bitter and stained with words left unsaid—this time was just... cold.

And that was putting it lightly.

Y/N laid in bed that night, her eyes wide open and staring at the plastic glow-in-the-dark stars that adorned the ceiling. They used to give her comfort, but now they just reminded her of all the nights she'd spend with Spencer, listening to him tell stories about the constellations. They were some of the most peaceful memories she had.

And now those, too—those stars that had grounded her pretty much all her life and reminded her of the better days—were tainted by her inability to properly communicate.

She almost thought about taking them down.

But if she was really going to get over him this time, for good, then she'd have to learn to make new memories with the stars. Even if it was painful. Even if replacing those memories and writing new ones over them absolutely tore her soul to pieces.

And, as if that pain wasn't enough, that night Y/N dreamt of him, making love to her amongst the stars in every galaxy, only to wake up the next morning cold and alone.

FEBRUARY 14th

She promptly decided that she hated his guts.

It was Valentine's Day, Y/N was respectfully buzzed, and courtesy of two beers and four shots of tequila, she'd just deleted Spencer's number from her phone.

"I'm done," she said, waving a hand at Britt and shoving her phone in her purse. "He doesn't deserve my wallowing."

"Yeah!"

Britt was significantly the more drunk of the two, resulting in a fit of giggles after gaining some stares from the people around them at her sudden outburst.

Y/N smiled, finishing off another shot and shaking her head. "We need more!"

"More shots!" Britt hurried off to grab them, leaving her friend behind with a half-drunken smile that also only felt half-genuine.

Sure, she decided she hated Spencer's guts, but her heart didn't exactly agree well with that sentiment. Even after deleting his number from her phone, after downing all that alcohol, her heart still ached.

Y/N knew deep down that getting over him was going to take some time. A lot of time... But maybe one night of distraction would help.

So the shots kept coming, and by the end of the night, Y/N was just about at her limit.

Which was near black-out drunk. And when you're that drunk you tend to make decisions you wouldn't soberly condone.

Britt got into a cab, and she begged Y/N to come with her, but she assured her friend that she had someone to come pick her up. Eventually the cab driver got tired of their inability to decide, and when Y/N told him to go, he did, leaving her alone on the side of the street at 1am.

Unfortunately, it was incredibly cold, and she didn't really have anyone to come pick her up. And that's where the bad decisions started.

Y/N pulled her phone out, a long sigh escaping her as she dialed the number by heart.

Would he even pick up? He hadn't answered any of her calls or texts before, so why would it have been any different now? Not to mention it was Valentine's Day Weekend. With her luck, he was probably in bed with someone else. Someone who wasn't her. As she listened to the dial tone repeating in her ear, images of him wrapped up with somebody else—sleeping in the bed she'd slept in many times before—clouded her drunken brain and made her more angry than anything.

Her gut twisted, and she almost hung up.

But then the low buzz of the dial tone abruptly stopped and in its place came his voice.

"Y/N?"

Her name on his lips, even through the phone, was grounding, the anger in her system melting away and revealing a coat of drunken relief.

"Spencer! You answered!"

"Yeah... Are you— Is everything okay?"

"Pff, yeah, 'm-fine. Just really fucking cold."

"You're not outside, are you?"

"Duh, I'm outside... I wouldn't be cold in-side... Besides, I didn't call t'alk bout the weather, I need you t'come pick me up."

There was a brief pause, and for a moment Y/N didn't think he was going to say anything she wanted to hear. She swayed on the sidewalk, shivering and praying that he would throw her a bone, even if she'd regret it all in the morning.

"Where are you?" he said finally, and despite herself, she smiled.

FEBRUARY 15th

Spencer couldn't believe he was picking her up at near two in the morning.

Honestly, he'd initially thought about ignoring her call again, but remembering the day it was and taking note of the time, he figured she was most likely in some type of inebriated trouble.

His instincts were right, of course, but he wished that he could have been wrong. He wished she'd only been calling to drunkenly ramble on about how she missed him or maybe how he was stupid and she never wanted to see his face ever again, because that was normal. At least then he could have hung up after she was done and never thought about it again— it was a normal step in any relationship that helped move things along. They could have gotten on with their lives and it would have all been over.

But of course it was never that simple.

Y/N was never that simple.

He pictured her on the street near some bar, alone and cold and drunk, and of course he would have been the only one she could call to rescue her. After all, he'd been pretty much the only thing she'd ever known to make her feel safe.

Still, he wished he was capable of only giving her a ride home and then leaving.

But again, it was never that simple.

It was easy getting her into the car— that wasn't what he was worried about. Rather, it was the fated moment where she'd ask him to stay after he finally got her tucked safely into bed that worried him. Because it was bad enough that it was Y/N... It was her in all her alluring glory, and he'd never been able to deny her anything no matter how badly he tried or wanted to.

Now add on the fact that she was drunk, and most likely sad on their first Valentine's Day apart, and it was a recipe for disaster.

Even if she'd broken his heart, Spencer still cared about her.

Which is why he inevitably agreed to stay, at least until she fell asleep.

He knew her well enough to know all the ways she'd try to get him under the covers with her, so it was a familiar amusement that settled in his being when he was finally able to get on top of the covers with her underneath. But as he entertained her silly little questions with the right answers until she fell asleep, Spencer noticed something else accompanying that amusement.

Guilt.

And then anger for feeling guilty about her sadness— sadness that could have been avoided had she just gotten over whatever was holding her back and either returned his "I love you" or  told him she wasn't feeling the same way just yet.

All she had to do was talk.

He had a right to feel upset about Y/N holding back when he'd been nothing but patient, spending almost every year of their relationship trying to make her see that she had nothing to be afraid of. He'd given her every chance to talk about what she was feeling, whether it was happy or not, and every time she pushed it all away in favor of sex.

That wasn't what he wanted in a relationship, so he ended it. And there was absolutely nothing wrong with that.

So why was he feeling so fucking guilty?

He blamed his good nature and innate need to please people, to make them feel good and happy. But he also blamed Y/N and her adorable drunken sleeping face.

He watched as she slept, willing himself not to forget the way she hurt him. She'd completely stolen his heart and shattered it at the same time, and if he was being honest, she still held some of the pieces. But he couldn't get them back, not if he didn't want to risk shattering her own heart in the process.

It felt like they were tied together by some strong, invisible force that wouldn't break unless both of them broke right along with it.

So... maybe he could afford to leave those pieces of his heart with her. He'd have to if they were going to get out of this alive. Not unscathed, sure, but alive nonetheless.

Once he was sure she was deep in sleep, Spencer quietly and carefully got off the bed and navigated through her apartment, getting her a glass of water and leaving it on the table next to her bed. And because he couldn't help it, he cleaned up some of the clothes that were scattered around her floor, depositing them into the hamper and straightening out a few more things that were out of place.

He looked over at her sleeping figure one more time, sighed, and then left, keeping her bedroom door open just a crack.

***

Spencer knew he shouldn't have stayed longer.

Despite his better judgement, he'd plopped himself down on her couch after making sure she was sound asleep, hoping to catch his breath and sort through what he was feeling before he got behind the wheel. But of course, it was 2am and he was exhausted, and he couldn't stop himself from closing his eyes and drifting off.

And now he was sitting up, looking around the apartment through the lens of morning.

Though the curtains were sheer, they didn't provide much light, but enough of it showed him just how familiar the space was. Y/N hadn't moved anything around. The same art was on the same walls, the potted ivy plant on her mantle sat un-watered and withering, and every book and record and DVD on her shelves was in the exact same spot as they'd all been the last time he was there in December.

Meanwhile, after the breakup he'd re-arranged everything. He was so sure that they were through for good this time around that he wanted a clean slate. Not that he wanted to rid himself of her memory completely, but if he was going to move on from the hold she'd had on him, he had to do something...

And yet, he ended up at her apartment the morning after Valentine's Day all the same.

He heard the shower running faintly a couple rooms away. You didn't have to pass the couch to get there, so maybe she hadn't seen him sleeping and he could get away cleanly.

Spencer scrambled off the couch, thankful that he hadn't removed his jacket or his shoes and that he could just sprint towards the door without having to find any of his belongings.

But as luck would have it, the second he took a step, the shower turned off. He had to get out of there quickly, but if he did then she'd definitely know he'd stayed overnight. But if he went quietly, he wouldn't have enough time before she caught him.

Maybe I could hide...

He shook the thought with a roll of his eyes, settling on the clearest course of action, which was to make as quick of a getaway as he could. He'd try to be quiet as well, though the creaky door was going to be nearly impossible to get through without a sound.

His hand was on the doorknob when he heard her voice.

"You didn't think you could spend the night and then leave without saying goodbye, did 'ja?"

The pure amusement in her tone made his stomach churn, and it wasn't unpleasant in the slightest.

Spencer turned and smiled softly, avoiding looking at her completely. "Sorry. Didn't want to bother you."

"You're never a bother."

That sentiment held less amusement and more sincerity, which was what guided his eyes to meet the woman who said the words.

His stomach twisted again when he saw her, exactly like he knew she'd be— wrapped in nothing but a thin towel with near-dripping hair cascading down her back. Her legs were bare and exposed, the towel not only thin but short, which meant that her chest was also practically spilling out of it. Despite the obvious and inevitable hungover look in her eye, there was also a good splash of that mischief that'd always been there— the kind that spelled out trouble.

He needed to get out of there.

"Well, um... I'm glad I got you home safe," he said, clearing his throat. "I should... I should go."

"You sure you don't wanna stay for breakfast?"

Spencer could have sworn she was teasing him, dangling her body in front of him like a meal they both knew he wouldn't be able to resist. But then she added, "I've got everything I need for your favorite omelet," and he exhaled with a small smile, exhausted with his own mind for convincing him that she was out to pull him back in.

Still, he declined. "No, I... I shouldn't. But, uh, thank you..."

"You sure?"

This time when he looked up at her, she was closer. She was gently striding forward to meet him, and he half thought about backing up towards the door until he realized he was already there.

"I—I'm sure. Really."

"But you drove around all night just to take me home when I was drunk, the least I can do is feed you..."

"Eh, it's alright. It's... Nothing I haven't done before."

She stopped then, her eyes briefly dropping to the floor. It was like her whole demeanor changed—just for a second—from the prowess she'd always been, to what seemed to be a woman filled with sadness and regret. It didn't last long though, just enough for Spencer to notice it before she looked back up at him with that wicked gleam in her eye and a remark right at the tip of her tongue.

"Still. I feel bad, making you do all that for me... Especially now."

He wasn't sure what to make of this... It seemed like she was sincere, but she was also alluring, calling to him like a siren leading him to his ultimate demise. And while he'd come to know that as merely a part of her nature, he couldn't help but shake the feeling that she was doing it on purpose.

She was in a skimpy towel, after all, and she definitely knew how to use that to her advantage.

It didn't help that he didn't have the courage to leave. Everything inside of him right then longed to drop that towel and indulge himself once more. Putting aside all the heartache and the differences they shared, all he felt in that moment was the need to touch her— to get lost in her and never be found again.

She was his fatal flaw, and it was painfully obvious.

Spencer knew he shouldn't have stayed longer...

He was over to her in just three strides, throwing off his jacket and tossing it aside before cradling her face with his hands and bringing their lips together for the first time since Christmas Eve.

The small whine in her throat signaled that she hadn't expected it, but welcomed it all the same. The moment she lifted her arms to wrap around his neck, the towel fell to the floor, and there was no going back.

"What about breakfast?" Y/N breathed out once they pulled away for air.

Spencer contemplated, studying her face, seeing the way her eyes sparkled, and decided on the two words that sealed his fate.

"Screw breakfast."

Their lips were melded together almost as soon as the words left his mouth. And it wasn't long before every other part of their bodies were melded together as well.

Y/N helped him take the rest of his clothes off as they danced around the entryway and the living room. Everything was open, no walls separating the living room from the kitchen, so to compensate for the lack of breakfast they'd be eating, they migrated to the kitchen counter once Spencer had off everything but his boxers.

He trapped her against the cool marble of the countertop, her back hitting it solid and sending a shiver up her spine. Meanwhile his hands roamed her body, unsure of where to be other than on her at all times, whether it be her waist, her stomach, her arms, her breasts, or her ass. He wanted to feel all of her, and quite frankly she wanted the same.

She even told him so, in her own way, by bringing one of her legs up and wrapping it around his waist, pulling him closer to her as she wove her fingers through his hair and tasted his tongue with her own.

The action elicited a groan from his mouth, low and desperate. Spencer settled his hands on her waist and gripped it tight, silently telling her what to do.

So she jumped up and he helped guide her swiftly onto the counter. Her legs instinctively wrapped around his waist again, and he found himself grinding into her hips, urgent to feel every part of her. And thankfully she was feeling rather desperate herself, because she rolled her hips up into him in return, breaking their mouths apart just briefly to speak.

"Fuck me..."

There was so much he wanted to say to her in that moment— how badly he was feeling about keeping her entertained while he was slowly deteriorating inside from her emotional detachment and rejection, how much she frustrated him, and more prominently, how she was so goddamn impatient and that he was getting there...

But all that he could manage was a broken, desperate whisper of her name.

It was all he'd ever known.

All that frustration... All that anger, heartache, passion, and time apart combined beautifully into those few syllables that made up her name and tore him apart from the inside out.

And his hands were just as destructive.

Spencer deftly dropped his boxers to the ground and pushed forward, almost losing all sense of self the moment the head of his dick finally made contact with her cunt. He made his way inside of her and then used both of his hands to grip her waist and bring her closer, their mouths connecting harshly as they found one another once again.

His grip was bruising— not possessive in any way, but desperate, like he had to cling to her for dear life or he wouldn't live to see another day. He held himself inside her, sighing and whimpering into her mouth as she clenched around him. It was so familiar, so comfortable and exhilarating that he almost didn't even want to move. He thought about staying there, still inside her forever.

But as always, Y/N was insatiable.

She wrapped all her limbs around him and held on, rolling her hips and seeking friction in any way possible when she briefly tore her lips away from his.

"I need you, baby, please..."

Even as his heart started to rumble in his chest, well aware of the fact that she still probably didn't love him the way he loved her, Spencer gave her everything. He pulled out and snapped his hips forward again, setting a strong, steady pace that had Y/N's eyes rolling back, and the payoff of hearing her sigh out his name was more than enough to keep him going.

Her nails dug deliciously into his shoulders, the faint sting adding something reminiscent of gasoline to a fire. The flames grew taller and brighter the more he fucked her, and with each gradual increase of volume and intensity, it was a wonder the whole kitchen around them hadn't literally burst into flames.

That's how they always were.

Together like this, so lost in the high of each others' bodies, it was easy to forget the things that made their relationship so hard. It was easy to let all the negativity slip away into the throes of pent-up, well-needed sex. The high they gave each other was merely that— A high...

A distraction.

And while that's exactly what Y/N needed, what she preferred in most cases, it's what Spencer recognized as completely unhealthy, despite his coming back to it every time.

It's also why he dreaded the moment ending. Because once they came down from the high, all that's left would be sadness, regret... Guilt... Their fire burned hot, brightly and wildly, but in the aftermath would lay only a thick layer of deadly smoke between them— hard to navigate, and nearly impossible to breathe in without suffocating.

So they simply burned and burned and burned...

Spencer gripped her so tight he was sure to leave her with bruising. And in turn Y/N dragged her nails down his back and dug them into his ass, her palm laying firmly over the muscles that aided in fucking her into the marbled surface. She whined out curses and moans, and he cried out broken whispers of her name, pet names, and curses alike.

Even once she'd come, he kept going, willing himself to hold on as long as he could. She whined into his ear at the overstimulation. And rather than keeping her legs wrapped around his body, she decided to spread them wide, perching her heels up on the counter as far as she could go and anchoring her fingers through his hair.

And though she might not have had enough orgasms in her to keep up with him, she welcomed it all the same—She welcomed the burn just as much as he did.

Even still, no fire can burn forever.

All concept of time was lost by the time Spencer finally collapsed forward, completely spent and barely standing on weak legs after coming twice. Y/N held onto him tightly to keep him upwards, lightly massaging his scalp with gentle fingers and closing her eyes as she focused on his breathing— the way it fanned over the skin of her bare shoulder and how it sounded, perfectly in time with hers...

It was the most peaceful she'd been in a long time.

She felt him pull out of her, the both of them groaning at the feeling, and a little at the mess it would make.

Spencer gently peeled his body off of hers, sniffing once and avoiding her eyes. "Sorry... You just got out of the shower..."

"It's fine," Y/N breathed. She begged him silently to look her in the eye, but he remained still... Most likely thinking. She could practically see the cogs turning in his brain.

So, in an effort to lighten the mood a bit, she added with a breathy laugh, "Besides... It's nothing I haven't done before."

The callback to his words—and memories of all the times they'd found themselves in this position before—got Spencer to laugh a little, but he still wouldn't meet her eyes.

Finally, he cleared his throat. "I'll... I'll grab the wipes?"

"Oh. Sure," Y/N returned with a thankful smile. It was hopeful, too, though the moment he was out of eyesight, it turned rather sad.

She'd known that behavior before, seen that hesitation in his movements and that sound in his voice.

It was guilt.

Regret.

Probably a bit of self-hatred, too.

When he returned, a pile of her clothes in hand and the bag of wipes on top, she took them from him with a kind smile and cleaned herself up while he put his clothes back on.

The silence was more uncomfortable than anything either of them had ever experienced.

So much so, that Y/N couldn't even muster up the courage to ask him to stay for breakfast— and she always did after one of their post-break hookups.

Maybe this time really was different.

Spencer was just at the door again when she stopped him.

"Thank you," she said. Her voice was so small, he almost didn't hear it. "For bringing me home..."

But he paused, turned, and finally looked her in the eye.

He almost sunk to his knees right there...

Seeing her, arms crossed like she was trying to keep warm, as her head hung low and she looked up at him through sad, hooded eyelids...

It reminded him of the woman he fell in love with.

But in his peripheral, he saw the towel on the floor and was reminded of the woman who'd shattered his heart.

Spencer cleared his throat. Once upon a time he might have returned her thanks with, Anytime, but... Honestly he wasn't sure there could ever be another time. For his sanity, he'd have to avoid 'anytime' at all costs.

So, he settled on, "You're welcome."

He was glad to see her return his kind smile with one of her own, even if it was tainted with sadness, and a small wave goodbye.

Maybe this time it would stick.

Even still, as he closed the door behind him and made his way to the parking lot, for some reason it didn't quite feel like goodbye.

And some of that deadly smoke that settled in his lungs as he drove further and further away from her apartment was inclined to agree.

***

Neither of them could sleep that night.

While Spencer stared out the window of the jet, a little annoyed to be called out on a case so late but at least thankful for the distraction, Y/N laid in bed, staring at the stars on her ceiling.

The same constellation caught their eye.

Columba.

The Dove.

She hadn't even meant to arrange the stars like that, but one night after a date, they were laying in her bed and Spencer pointed out that the cluster of plastic stars right in the corner of the ceiling looked like Columba.

Y/N fondly remembered Spencer telling her about how it was originally named to represent Noah's dove, which searched for dry land during the great biblical flood and returned carrying an olive branch to make news of its recession— of peace at last.

The memory made her smile. It tugged at her heart and made her dreams of him even more vivid.

All the same, Spencer noticed the constellation outside the jet window and remembered that same night. The smile on her face as he told her the story, the feel of her fingers gliding softly over the bare skin of his forearm...

It was the first night since he'd met her that he thought it.

I love her...

He almost told her then, too, but he was afraid it was too soon. So he refrained.

Looking back, Spencer was starting to regret that— Maybe without that extra time together, breaking up would have been easier. But instead, he gave her more time. He gave himself more time to fall deeper in love with her, and in the end it still wasn't enough.

Now they were both looking at the same constellation, one made of plastic and the other of gas, wondering if their flood would ever recede.

And in the event that it did... Who would be the dove, and what would be their olive branch?

“You know I dream about getting back together in the future, I could focus on you. But if I leave right now, I hope that you don’t find someone that touches you the way that I do...”

***

SERIES TAGLIST:   @reidyoulikeabook​ @yourmisosoup​ @fortheloveofcriminalminds​ @bellzo17​ @altsvu​ @flipperpenguins​ @mcumorningstar​

TAGS NOT WORKING: @reid-to-me @totallyclearwitch