#honestly this made me feel a lot better?
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sometimes i scroll thru my tumblr dash & think to myself with a bit of awe how lucky i am to be surrounded by a world full of beautiful ppl doing beautiful things. & yeah no there's no punchline to this one actually. i just love u
#i hate the internet a lot of the time but honestly it's quite breathtaking that i can find with a few clicks people who are passionate about#the same things as me! and people proudly being passionate about things i never knew existed!#people creating things and people making jokes and people talking and people loving what they love with their entire heart & soul#its just. its good to see. it makes me feel better.#this post is brought to u by all the talented artists i follow and my online friends#sometimes joy is made of tiny interactions with people u will never meet. someone shows me their art and i say it's beautiful. it changed#my life. and then we go on living#hope#🐝
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Tell me who was your favorite character in season 1 and now who is your favorite character after season 2 in reblogs or comments.
#it went from Viktor to vi#like act 3 made me more concern for Viktor and his changing and with vi the whole season I was slowly liking her more and more#I still like vik maybe I must rewatch but I really like vi a lot now#honestly mostly feel bad for vi legit they could have written her better she was off after act 1#also I’ve grown to like Jayce more#Cait has gone down#arcane#arcane s2#arcane season 2#arcane season 2 spoilers#arcane spoilers#vi arcane#arcane vi#jinx#arcane viktor#silco#caitlyn kiramman#Sevika#jayce talis#jinx arcane#ekko#ekko arcane
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seen one too many snide posts about this in the last week or so but did you know that if you don't enjoy scenes in smut establishing consent or checking in then you simply don't have to read them and you don't have to go online and whine about how they're Consent Posturing and Purity Culture and Sanitizing Everything and God Just Kill Me Now. like you can have a preference without making it into a three act morality play, which is ironically what you are accusing other people of doing.
the same goes for like, detailed content warnings on fics. or content warnings at all. you can just skip those. they're not a sign of Purity Culture Gone Too Far or Those Damn Puriteens or whatever. you can dislike things without being an asshole about them or implying they're Taking Away What's Good And Correct About Fic Or Creativity.
#gav gab#sex ment#there's a running thread in the L2L cinematic universe shower sex fic#about consent and checking in and like. being cautious and careful and Aware of the other party#and whether they want to be doing what they're doing#and it is there for a reason and it is extremely meaningful to the context of what's happening#and if i see one more post mocking the entire concept of addressing consent in a fic#i am gonna heap my lid#i really do think 'consent posturing' is one of the most enraging phrases i've ever seen online tbh#and there's some stiff competition#like. wrow. lot going on THERE.#i just hate that i'm so anxious about this part of this fic#i mean im anxious about the whole thing for various reasons but#seeing those posts some of which have been reblogged by people whose opinions i do respect#has made me really embarrassed and worried about honestly one of the most Meaningful parts of this fic#and i feel like i need to pre-emptively go on the defensive or else people will think it's Bad and Stupid and He Would Not Fucking Say That#etc etc etc#like i have to pre-emptively defend myself against accusations of bad writing#and i know the answer is just to care less about Posts On Line but i would like to cordially suggest perhaps the answer is also#stop being an asshole about a preference and asserting it like it is not in fact a preference#but is instead you speaking some kind of Good Take onto the stupid brain rotted puriteen masses or whatever#i am doing better about not letting the ocd win and caring less about Posts#whatever it may appear lmao i Am doing better with that#but that doesn't mean those posts arent still mean and shitty#and generalizing a lot of weird shit into things like#'establishing consent in a sex scene' which apparently is Inherently Boring And Annoying
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What led you to decide conversion to Judaism was "for you"?
I'll preface this post by saying that you are, essentially, asking to open a Pandora's box - this is an inherently huge question to ask, and I only request that you keep this in mind when I talk about this. I'm completely open to this discussion, though! I am absolutely happy to talk about my journey because it is so deeply personal and fulfilling,
I was raised in a Lutheran family - I was baptized, but I was never really... required to go to church. We'd gone before, my dad and I, but I don't remember this because I was young. However, what I do remember is just not believing in any of it. I never truly believed in Jesus, I'd only said I did. Despite having little pressure put on me in a religious aspect, I'd always just assumed that I should please my family. I went to Jesus camp (a moniker for the religious camp I'd gone to a few times), and I went to a handful of confirmation classes. As I understand it, Lutherans practice confirmation in order to educate young adults about the religion, and by the end, the person decides if this is right for them. I dropped out completely, and honestly, it was simply due to "I believe none of this besides g-d."
Once I had consciously admitted to myself that I really could not reconcile my disbelief, I decided to disconnect completely from all forms of xtianity. I mostly kept to myself and didn't even interrogate my feelings about g-d or religion at all.
After a while, I realized that I truly knew nothing else besides xtianity. I always thought it was my duty as a person to learn about others to accept them. I started throwing myself into education about other religions. Now that I think about it, I think part of myself really did want to connect with something that felt right in my soul. For a while, I didn't find that. Once I started learning about what were the true basics of Judaism, I felt a strange and indescribable feeling, really for the first time ever.
My journey into Judaism really began on an intellectual level. I truly jived with what I was learning - I remember one of my big issues with xtianity was the idea of "spreading the Good News," or proselytizing. I think learning that about judaism was what made me realize that there was something out there that I could logically understand. I loved the cultural understanding of disagreement - that you can even disagree with g-d and not be sent to Hell For All Eternity. I loved that observing mitzvot wasn't really a strict dogma. It was a process we all undertake on some level. I'd say that the common attitude held in the xtain spaces I was exposed to all my life (that is - "all of this is strict dogma, and no questions are deemed acceptable.") really made me appreciate the intellectualism that judaism often fulfills. By nature, I want to disagree with others, explain, agree, and ultimately learn, and I loved the culture of education.
I'd say much of the emotional attachment I now have to judaism came later. There is only so much you can appreciate about judaism from the sidelines, and once I got involved in my community, I truly learned this. Much of my love for judaism is simple - it's everyday life, really.
I think what made me decide so soon that judaism was right is because I am trans. I am no stranger to this feeling, I just had never felt it about religion. It's a deep, soul-level understanding of belonging. It's a feeling you can never do justice to through word alone. I've felt this before, and I know this is a feeling that I cannot simply ignore. It's something you can only grab hold of and never let go. It is a primal understanding within your entire being - at least it is for me.
Because of this, there is so much that I have not touched upon here, but I think I've been rambling for long enough. Again, I welcome any and (almost) all questions that may be remaining. So much of my decision about judaism came down to exposing myself to conversion stories and thoughts about judaism from jews, and if there is a chance I might be even a little like that, I will always welcome it!
#ask#jumblr#jew by choice#jewish conversion#personal thoughts tag#convert FAQs#long post#it's to the point where i don't know if i would have come to this conclusion if i were not trans#because being trans made me realize what it felt like to *belong* in something as fundamental as who you are#as much as i have hated being trans in the past i can't help but realize how fundamental it has been for shaping myself for the better#i suspect i would still feel lost and unsure had i not had to confront these feelings head-on in a primal way before#i talk a lot about religion in this ask but to be perfectly clear it was just as much cultural for me#i am not just joining a religion i am joining a people and i *love* the people#they are my people. they are my community#and to say that my desire for judaism is only religious in nature is to oversimplify all of my motivations honestly#i should have made that a disclaimer but i assume most of this was about the religion itself because it's so different
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The best thing about Italy and Europe is that linen just- exists here. I can go buy a shitty cheap 100% linen dress like I would go to Fry's and buy a shitty cheap 100% polyester dress in America. Absolutely revolutionary for my wardrobe. I can't actually buy wardrobe enhancements because I have a carry-on suitcase, but the fact I still have the option is amazing.
#I can't wear polyester because something about my sweat clings to the fibers. I can only wear >60% natural fibers. I've slowly been#weaning all poly out of my wardrobe. The restriction helps a lot preventing impulse buys; but here my impulse buy is only restricted by $$#i am absolutely not crying over the $350 linen women's suit jacket I saw :( UGH it was GORGEOUS and GREEN. I want a linen suit so bad#but honestly it's the kind of thing I should just spend a thousand on and get bespoke I think. It'd look better and feel classier#if you're spending that much money on a thick linen knit in the first place.#Okay tag essay: but can we talk about linen knit fabrics? I've seen so many beautiful linen weaves this weekend I'm losing my mind.#I think there was a kind of Tricot or Bird's Eye knit linen simple-curve dress that blew me away. The amount of work you can do with#two colors and a fashionable knit is insane. Then you wear a jacket over it and the linen is still light enough to wick away sweat but#heavy enough to look fashionable and stay flat. There's really this talented balance of texture that shines in linen. I love linen so much#Anyway! I should've made another post for this but none of these ramblings are important lol#I'm really tired after Anacapri. and dinner. Dinner was kind of dumb. There was confusion about what I wanted. We just wanted#appetizers to share but they gave me a whole plate of octopus. Which I feel bad about eating and don't like the texture after 10 bites.#So I had to give it to dad. Long story short I didn't want to eat anything at all; I wanted to WRITE. But I didn't write. I ate.#I'm already like 10 pounds heavier than when I left lmfao. It's starting to pack on my hips. Damn you Italy!#ptxt
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i saw that you used to hint at oc stuff on twitter (don't ask me why im digging im looking for zola stuff lmao) why don't you post more about them?
i am simply terrified that if i post oc things online someone will steal the concept and run with it faster and better than i ever could have and then i will be devastated forever and ever
more seriously i have very little to show for any of my oc things (adhd brain making life difficult as per usual awawawawawa) and every time i've shared oc things in the past i've ended up never following up on it and it makes me feel bad and guilty so i've just convinced myself i will Never talk about my ocs until i have something substantial i can put out there
#mio answers things#anon#i'm getting a little better with making things for my ocs#on account of having friends i can actively share my brain rot with#but i still dread the feeling of posting a character and being forever haunted about never doing anything with them ever again#(echoes of custard howling in my mind)#just like how i dread having a repeat of that time in middle school#where i talked about my werecrow oc in the comments of a bigger artist's works#and they ended up making their own werecrow oc immediately after#they very much directly aligned with mine#but it got wildly popular on their account and they made a ton of art for it and i just#ended up deleting any evidence of mine because i felt so bad about it skjdfhgkldhfkgj#like i have no problem with people taking inspiration from my designs#i think it's fun seeing people design vy2s with two toned hair and kyos with pink eyes and hair pins w#but like. the thought of posting my oc and having someone run them through a blender to make their own character makes me feel. bad.#i can't articulate the specific reason Why it makes me feel bad but it does skjfghdkjfgsdhkjf#like if i finally posted theater gang stuff and then saw someone else take those concepts and make them into their own characters#i might just collapse into a pile of beef trimmings and never get up sdfkjhglksjdfg#it's silly and i don't know why my brain's like this but because of this in combination with my fear of posted oc things haunting me foreve#i simply will not be posting <3333#(and also just that. i'm incapable of producing enough artwork to make my ocs matter in a public context i think.)#(like you breed affection for a character through familiarity)#(which you only really get by creating A Lot Of Art)#(and i cannot do that <333)#(so instead most times i post it's a few handfuls of likes)#(and that doesn't really feel worth it to my brain when i could just settle for going insane over them with my friends skjdfhgkjsdf)#i really think this last year has just taught me that i really. honestly truly prioritize the reactions and feelings of my friends#over strangers on the internet#and it feels a lot more comfortable that way w#AH
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I think I'll be leaning pretty heavily on my kins, these next few days ... whenever I feel out of sorts, going to them makes me feel better.
#honestly the fact their stories make me cry is really good‚ right now ... been dealing with a lot these past few weeks#the holidays were pretty stressful ... and I think a lot of my mutuals are also feeling the strain from how the dash has been looking#I've been unable to cry‚ but I really needed to ... and those three managed to help me get those emotions out#I'm also really resonating with Malkuth and Ishmael‚ at the moment ...#Compass is speaking to me ... and also Malkuth's desire to have the will to stand up straight‚ no matter what ...#hehe ... looked up the idiom and it made me realize why I relate to her so much ...#''having the courage‚ strength‚ or determination to face challenges or difficulties with--#--dignity and resilience‚ even in the face of adversity''#I've done that time and time again ... so I'll be fine#2025's going to be my year--I'm going to make sure of it ~#p: the will to stand up straight 🏛️#p: the hope to be a better person 📚#p: it is not down on any map; true places never are ⚓#scattered pages
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Shinjiham is cute when it’s romantic but tbh I think i vastly prefer the idea of them being best friends instead. Like, neither of them really saw it coming and weren’t really looking to get another best friend (Shinji has Akihiko, Kotone has Junpei and Yukari respectively) but it happens anyway. Kotone takes a liking to Shinji much faster than she does anyone else and I’d say a big reason is just the fact that he’s so reserved that it allows Kotone to do most of the talking while he just listens and they love this arrangement cuz Kotone doesn’t get to talk about her own interests very much. Though I think some of her needs to talk to Shinji stems from this insecurity that he isn’t happy in the group and she has this people pleasing problem and wants everyone to be happy so she makes a much bigger effort to talk to Shinji. And it’s very unfortunate because Shinji intentionally acts cold and distant because he doesn’t want to form any attachments because he wants to die soon, but aaaaaaaagh dammit this girl just keeps talking to him and being sweet and encouraging him to engage in his interests and share them with the others and he just can’t seem to say no when she’s got those damn puppy eyes. And Kotone is just able to get him out of his shell by being persistent but not in an overwhelming way, she’s very cheerful and supportive of him. And Shinji is able to offer her support by encouraging her to talk about herself and by making sure she’s taking care of herself. They just click really well and make such a positive dent in each other’s lives and it’s all about basic acts of kindness going a long way you know?
#persona#persona 3#kotone shiomi#shinjiro aragaki#i uh. probably didnt do much here to prove that their relationship is best when its platonic akjsks i mean idk how to convey it#that these two are just so good for each other but that im just not feeling it romantically#and why should i honestly like cant a guy and a girl just be platonic soulmates like me and jackie aljsks#plus i just have other ships with these characters i like better ahem akishinji and mitsuham yall already know#and i just feel really comforted by their relationship being best friends cuz it makes the pocket watch a lot more power of friendship#and it just. irks me the idea that its romantic love that saves shinji and its romantic love that gave him a will to live#cuz first off you can save him without romancing him and also like if you think kotone is the only person he wants to live for#youre just wrong like in fact its very clear in his social link that he feels this strong love for everyone#its literally like why other characters are so ingrained into his link he loves everyone and they love him back#its just kotone who organizes the time for them all to get together plus like idk when ppl say shinji only wants to live after romancing#kotone its like. well hes not gonna have a good time post coma then huh#and i suppose the point being made is he has to learn to live even if his gf isnt there but again like. shes not the only thing he has#idk i just hate this like pedestal romantic relationships are put on and i hate the implications that like#akihiko has been trying for years to protect shinji and his love doesnt matter cuz it isnt some heterosexual romance#grrrrr it just irks me is all and yeah i just think theyre besties who do everything together#kotone is like shinjis emotional support animal that guides him through the scary crowds and shinji is off putting enough to scare away the#meanies that come their way and they have a dress up montage and make cookies
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HE SMILES???? JUGRAM HASCHWALTH THE GRANDMASTER OF WANDENREICH THE OTHER HALF OF QUINCY KING THE LETTER "B" BALANCE THE FIRST SON THE BEST FRIEND KILLER THE STOIC JUDGE IS SMILING????? IN A SANTA OUTFIT????
#bleach#bleach tybw#thousand year blood war arc#bleach anime#bleach manga#jugram haschwalth#bambietta basterbine#candice patton#bazz b#quilge opie#it's for the Bleach Soul Puzzle Christmas edition btw (I remember they had one for Halloween too)#at last the Quincy (read : Sternritters) is embracing their Christianity reference#seeing Bambietta here made me realized how her reduction & mockery into a poor pathetic puppet zombie is just way way too cruel & too much#truly wasted potential. her and a lot of sternritters deserved better#honestly this feels like a super super great miracle that Haschwalth smiled#as far as I remember his adult self never did that genuine smile before in the entire arc
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Had a moment of listening to music I liked back when I was a teenager (& still like) and having a whole. Realization . That I like myself as I am now sooooo much better than I like teenage me. And I started thinking about Why.
There's a lot to it I'm pretty sure, & most of it centers around the fact that I just... didn't really know who I was as a person. I didn't really have hobbies outside of what I did in school (aka orchestra) and like. Video games + anime. I did creative writing in middle school, but dropped off in high school for... some reason? I still made original characters and played around with them a lot, but it was mostly just in drawing and thinking about them. I never actually *wrote*, and I in fact didn't get back into creative writing at all until I was 23 years old. I was someone who had spent so long hiding behind others and just doing what I was told that I just... didn't have any real direction. I didn't know what I even *wanted*. I thought I knew, but in hindsight, I can confidently say that I didn't. I was just an insecure teen drifting through life and not thinking about things beyond what was immediately in front of me. Which is pretty standard for teenagers I guess, but not all of them. Not at all.
Compared to now, where I have Many hobbies, most notably being writing. As I am now, I am just Intrinsically a writer. And it's weird to remember that I wasn't even really *writing* before 5 years ago (besides text rps, which did a lot for developing my writing skill! But still aren't a replacement for writing individually). As a teen, I wasnt into dnd, I was incredibly out of shape, & I was a lot less aggressive and focused. I was the type to avoid sports!!! I hated them!!!! But as I am now, I Love biking and can easily bike for an hour+ no problem (I remember being a teen and trying to go on just 10 minute bike rides in the summer and just *dying* from it), & I love working out. I wanna be strong!!! I LOVE being strong!!! And I was an absolute mess with things like public speaking & working in groups, vs now where I can do an impromptu presentation no problem & I'm often the unofficial leader in group projects bc im typically the one who does the organizing and allotments of work. A side effect of working as a supervisor and then assistant manager for so long. I have a lot more confidence in my perceptions and judgements, & I have the self-assurance to assert these things. And this is only really the tip of the iceberg with all the differences.
I just feel like an entirely different person, almost. The cores are the same, or at least damn near similar, with the things I want out of life & the sorts of things I enjoy, but it's like. The difference between finding a random rock off the side of the road & then that rock when it's been sanded and carved and decorated to be something individual and unique. You look at them side by side and it's something dull vs something shiny and intricate. The origins can't be ignored and dismissed, & I certainly would never resent younger me for just doing the best with what I knew at the time. But it's just astounding how much difference time and experience will have for growing and developing as a person. Things I consider integral to my personhood weren't even thoughts in my mind back then. We are almost entirely different people.
#speculation nation#under readmore bc I just got contemplative. not negative really either.#ultimately it's that kind of thing of like. college & all my experiences within it have done a LOT for developing who i am as a person.#i wouldnt be nearly so comfortable with public speaking if it werent for how many speech classes ive taken over the years.#but it's also the fact that i was working to figure out who i was during college that made me fumble it so hard.#i wanted to be an engineer. can you believe it? i was so CERTAIN of it as a teenager. but it was only really bc of the family i have/had#that are/were engineers. i didnt have personal interest in it. it was just the Thing To Do.#so i got to college and i *hated* it and i had to take several years to figure out what i actually Wanted.#i realized pretty quickly that i wanted to focus on computers after my first coding class. but thats so BROAD#and computer science wasnt for me either. i fucking hated computer science. but computer information & technology??#this is my shit. and honestly it's so weird to remember that just 10 years i knew very little about computers#and now ill be sitting in my web programming class & theyre talking about javascript and loops and such within it#and im just zoning tf out bc Yeah Yeah do while loops ive heard it a million times before. arrays?? yeah whatever i got it#but back in 2016 i had to learn these things for the first time!!! it was entirely new to me!!! teenage me didnt KNOW#so me being a computer person with a specialization in business and hobbies of writing and biking and dnd. i had NONE of those things!!!#i didnt even collect knives!!!!! granted thats mostly bc i Couldnt buy many of them yet + i also didnt have much money lol#bc i never even worked a job until i got to college. that's also unimaginable to me. imagine not knowing what it's like to Work...#i remember getting $500 or so in graduation gifts after graduating high school & my mind was just Blown#had never had that much money before. it was crazy to me. meanwhile with a job paying every other week $500 was a *low* paycheck.#but i also have to pay bills and rent and buy food and all this stuff. also things i didnt have to worry about back then. ALSO weird.#idk theres a lotta bullshit i gotta deal with as an adult but i like who i am now so much better. feel so much more *myself*#than just a directionless teenager waiting for someone to tell them what to do.#it's amazing what 10 years will do for your development as a person. absolutely wild.
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I really hate how twt makes it impossible to rly look back at your acct past a certain date. Like when I wanna re-live the glory days of some past fandom on tumblr, I can go back on my archive. On twitter? You're fucked imo.
Man, I just wanna look back at my acct to see the fanart I reblogged when some specific genshin pv came out, but it's basically impossible. It makes me wish I downloaded a lot more art/fanart in general, bcs its so hopeless atp :/
#i mean its always been like this so#but i hate it#bcs twt was honestly the best place to find art imo#like soooooo much top quality fanart and original art#AND NOW ITS JUST LOST TO TIME#yeah it exists out there#but im fucked if i cant remember specifically#and my twt download folder is a graveyard of art i had actually made the step to save#aaaghhh it just makes me upset bcs i rly love my twt account#like i reblogged a lot of good art on there. way more than on here tbh#but yeah. irs rly impossible to look back on#LIKE WHY WOULD THEY MAKE A SOCMED THATS SO IMPOSSIBLE TO NAVIGATE#grrrrr idk it makes me angry#bcs ir feels like every other socmed is almost obsessed with archiving and being able to look back#like archive on here. insta you can go back all the way on someones acct and also archive your own stuff#basically every other socmed has better search functions#and yet the one where i felt like i experienced the best content is just. impossible.#its not even an x thing. its always been like this#and honestly if elon fixed that id prob be willing to go back on twt again 😭😭😭#catie.rambling.txt
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honestly, just the internet in general has been quite harsh for us rn but i really do hold on to the little positive bubble we created here on tumblrina.
if it can make you feel a little better, i refresh everyday on this app to see yalls posts and it makes my day instantly better seeing ppl who talking abt the things they (we) love unapologetically. your writing has also been my comfort so i thank you for sharing it to us
:’) anon, thank you for this extremely reassuring message. i too hold on to our lil tumblrina bubble!!! chit chatting with u guys and putting goofy hashtags on stuff and writing weirdly emotional fics is honestly so comforting for me.. i loving having a space to express our big feelings about stuff together :’) also, im incredibly glad you find some comfort in my writing.,,,..,, how overwhelmingly affirming and motivating that is <3 i cannot thank you enough for this ask!!
#honestly this made me feel a lot better#thank you anon <3#and thank you to anyone who interacted last night <3#i appreciate u guys sorry i was in my feelz <3#WE R SOOO BACK!!!#she speaks
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Failed a social interaction 0 injured 1 killed (me)
#Today has been so long 😭😭😭 I've been out the whole day studying and when I came back I spent more than one hour to cook my probably gone–#bad chicken (and rice and spinach) and then I couldn't even eat it because it was my turn to clean the kitchen at the dorm (which is the–#third following day I'm doing) (worth mentioning I'm running on 5 hours of sleep)#And I was goofing around with my friends but while doing so I. made fun of the landlord. And then one friend told me “hey girl he's right–#outside” and like 😭😭😭😭😭😭 I hope I die painfully. I need to be back next year and he already makes my life hard enough and hhhhhhhhhhh#I wasn't even like. Serious. It was just to joke around with my friends I don't have anything against him (except for the things I do)#hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh#And now I feel so embarrassed I have no appetite at all + the chicken (which I had to bring home through one hour walk in summer which–#probably wasn't good for it. And then froze one day past the expiration day) (I really need to get better eating habits) I had been–#preparing despite taking one hour to cook it I got the firing wrong and now it's all hard and honestly not very good and like 😭😭😭#Look at what you did to the (frankly already diseased) chicken#I feel so betrayed by everything 😭😭😭 Can life get a little easier#I'm mostly kidding I'm doing okay. I just need to rant because I CAN'T GET OVER THE LANDLORD THING MAN HOW DO I FORGET ABOUT IT.#This kind of things always haunts me for at least three days so 😭😭😭#I'm dead tired but I really wanted to answer asks today so. Probably doing so between today and tomorrow#Rant over sending lots of l love 💞💞#random rambles#In my defense it's not my fault I'm too poor to throw the chicken away 😪😪 I haven't eaten since forever#It's also not my fault I can't afford a new non sticking pan so I have to stick (ah) to the probably toxic one#It is very much my fault for messing up the chicken cooking temperature tho lol
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#YES! GIVE ME THAT FANFIC ANGST!#IT'LL MAKE ME CRY BUT IT'S WORTH IT!#it's just so rare to see Katarina so self-depricating in the first place#but now she has good reason to be#if I was her I would be too!#Hamefura#honestly On The Verge of Doom is SO much better than I thought it would be!#like new plot#new struggles#Katarina's done a lot of horrid things but she's desperately trying to make up for them#hustle hustle hustle!#my poor baby doesn't have a big harem that she personally helped to rely on#like Alan and Keith (Keith especially) are such DIFFERENT people!#Alan Nicol and Sophia hardly appear#and only Geordo (and maybe Mary and Maria) seem to actually be lovestruck and that isn't until towards the end#this means that lots of the characters also act differently with each other!#Keith and Geordo don't have a rivalry and it's more of like a “Keep her safe will you?”#we get more insight into Maria being all insecure and don't see her mother at all#because even if Katarina still wanted to see how real fields looked#she wouldn't have any reason to go to Maria's hometown if she feels like she's made Maria suffer so heavily!#which makes sense#I adore that there's more focus on sword fighting too!#also Sienna is the sweetest baby ever! it's a shame that she doesn't appear at all in canon but it makes sense#anyway! yes! Verge of Doom is good!#I finished it all in one four-hour take!#I wouldn't mind getting maybe an anime spin-off based on Verge of Doom#goooosh! I love it! I'm going to go read some fluffy fanfic stuff now!
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You know, I was right to be pissed the fuck off about classmates accusing me of actually just having a crush on other classmates who were straight up abusers to me
#esrah talks#how it was growing up#peer abuse#it did so much damage and honestly made me aggressively anti-romance for most of my childhood#I used to dread valentines day and feel nauseous when I saw decor for it#My relationship with romance is a hell of a lot better now but that's not the point#the point is that my peers (and sometimes even adults!) looked at me saying “Hey this guy is abusing me” and said “aww”
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#hi back for now bc it's fall break and I'm stuck on campus#trying not to complain about it but I've been having stomach issues for at least the past couple of weeks#it's been acting up since I got here but the past few weeks and specifically the past few days it's become a lot more intense#I made an appointment with the medical clinic here on campus and they're treating me with something for a possible stomach ulcer right now#I have a follow-up in a couple of weeks#I'm struggling to keep on top of all my thoughts and feelings and emotions right now too#which may be causing or compounding the stomach issues. honestly who knows.#all I know for sure rn is that I feel very tired and worn out despite it being fall break#and I wish I didn't feel this way#kinda sad and very tired#it's a perfect opportunity to catch up on school work that I've fallen behind on. and yet I feel completely unable to even think#about school. hhhhh. 🙃#it's been such a hard year guys. and I don't want to complain or wallow but I wish I could just break down have a good cry#or a screaming fit if needed#just get it all out#and then maybe I'd be able to cope a little better#unfortunately I'm not sure that's how it works. so I guess I'm stuck feeling like this for now.
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