#esrah talks

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

[ID: a gaudy pink themed collage of a smiling Quark from DS9, with many sparkly gifs around him. These include a rotating gif of himself, a confused Odo, a color changing DS9, sale stickers, and gambling. Text in various stickers reads, "scum lord," "I support drunk driving" "sicko" "marked" "freak" "Be the reason why someone closes this app" "it's 5 o'clock somewhere" and "I love my 67 boxes of unsold self-sealing stem bolts." /End ID]

[resignedseraph]

Yet again thinking about how I sometimes hear people say things along the lines of, “Well if they followed through to the logical conclusions of their beliefs, they would understand and turn away,” and it’s like… yeah that’s true for many, but there are in fact people that have done that and embrace those conclusions, because they think that’s the only option

[the-cabin-complex]

"Woah where did that bruise come from" I said, while stress gripping the same exact spot without realizing it

-Esrah

[urjover]

When I said I followed your previous blog, I meant the one that was deactivated—things-in-the-walls.

Xoxo,

Tattoo Jet Anon

WHAT

[kyrumption]

02/01/25 UPDATE - EMERGENCY- DANGEROUS SITUATION

The landlord of the apartment that Eslam’s family have been renting has threatened them. He saw her talking about the looming eviction on her twitter, and he has realised that she has people who are supporting her and donating to keep her family safe. Someone miraculously paid the $2k rent for December, so now the landlord is trying to extort this family for $6000 in rent debt. He initially gave them a week, after seeing the outrage on twitter, he demanded that she stop talking about him and the rent money, in exchange for giving them until the end of January to pay the $6k.

Eslam and her family are terrified of this man. Her family all told her to remove her posts and not to mention this on twitter. She gave me permission to post this on here. I am incredibly worried about them, as the landlord clearly intends to extort them for as much as possible. They have no tent and no material to build one. The apartment was flooded yesterday and now Eslam’s father is getting sicker.

This was already a dire situation with the exorbitant rent, now things are even worse.

They have only received $5 since the new year. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Hear more from Eslam @eslammsaidd in her own words ⬇️

@palhelp @gaza-evacuation-funds @thebringerofhope @saturngalore @autisticmudkip @imjustheretotrytohelp @blackcherri-stuff @akajustmerry @mangocheesecakes @lonniemachin @woomeme-funds @ashwantsafreepalestine @paper-mario-wiki @ohlorde @good-old-gossip @dawoudi @skaianbruja @bugnitesblog @mar64ds @fricklefracklefloof @unwinni3 @prodivorce @whateveroursoulsaremadeoff @hehemechief @cultreslut @halfbloodfanboy @pontaoski @elbiotipo @infoplaza @selkiebrides @localcoffeeaddict @keepinitwrd @bloodandgutsyippee @iqinitials @wherethatoldtraingoes2 @butchniqabi @frigidwife @vetted-gaza-funds @gazagfmboost @opencommunion @kneecapremover @esrah-rah-rasputin @pandycake-blog @soupygremlin @kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd @treesbian @iactuallytryingtolovemyself @thepurevessel1

‼️ URGENT ‼️ TIME ‼️ SENSITIVE ‼️

16 year old Eslam and her family urgently need our support. The landlord of the home they’ve been sheltering in has demanded they pay him $2000 within 2 days or they will be kicked out onto the street.

Eslam’s father has been bedridden for MONTHS due to complications from untreated diabetes. This family will not survive a second winter in a tent.

I am begging you, please donate if you can, and share this widely 🙏🏻

$91 / $2000

🐥Follow Eslam on twitter/X here 🐥

📷Follow Eslam on Instagram here 📷

🗣️Listen to her story, in her own words🗣️

@palhelp @paper-mario-wiki @paparoach @ashwantsafreepalestine @beserkerjewel @mar64ds @murderbot @lesbianmaxevans @heydreamchild @a-shade-of-blue @blackcherri-stuff @akajustmerry @ecothroat @treesbian @ohlorde @artstrolabe @autisticmudkip @saturngalore @gendercoms @gayruledge @fagdykemuppet @operationladybug @amethyst-halo

[hotdrinks]

8. What do you like most about your own work?

9. What are you currently trying to improve?

and I hope you’re having a good day :)

I am having a good day, thank you! I hope you are too!

8. I like that my drawings are colorful and self indulgent and feature a lot of fat people just vibing

9. I'm trying to get better at lineart, anatomy, backgrounds, digital painting, and having a more consistent style. And also!! Being more loose! I always intend for my drawings to be more scribbly and simplistic but I get too obsessive about details to let them stay that way

[asexualhiccup2]

Before this year ends(for me, obviously it's already over for some people), I want to thank all of you for making this year pretty okay.

I hope that every single one of you has a wonderful 2022.

And a super big thank you to my mutuals for putting up with me. How you do it I'll never know, but I love ya'll for it; @quackadoodles915, @bucky-barnes-and-steve-noble, @that-one-darkness-potato. And my mutuals who I don't really talk to (much), I love ya'll too; @salad-of-potatoes, @esrah-rah-rasputin, and a few more whose urls I can't remember off the top of my head.

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

Thanks for the tag!! I can’t figure out the formatting for some reason, so I’m just going with these being in one big line, in no particular order

1 - Fiddler On The Roof (1971) - Norman Jewison

2 - Interstellar - Christopher Nolan

3 - Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home - Leonard Nimoy

4 - Ocean’s 8 - Gary Ross

5 - Hook - Steven Spielberg

6 - The Princess Bride - Rob Reiner

Aaaand tagging @spare-teeth, @mudstoneabyss, @diphtheria420, and @rabid-catboy because I’m curious (no pressure though, really)

Saw a post tagging whoever saw it to list your 6 most favorite movies, so i decided to try it out :-)

1 • Jabberwocky , dir. Jan Svankmajer

2 • The Job / Il Posto , dir. Ermanno Olmi

3 • Hellraiser , dir. Clive Barker

4 • Das Kabinet des Dr Caligari / The Cabinet of dr Caligari , dir. Robert Wiene

5 • Our Lady of the Turks / Nostra Signora dei Turchi , dir. Carmelo Bene

6 • Compilation of works , dir. Bas Jan Ader

Tagging @esrah-rah-rasputin , @paraphilicslave , @xelbo , @intheendweareallhuman , @all-alone-in-the-dangerzone and whoever sees this and wants to try it

[moonlit-enby]

Bright✨bubbles✨buttercup✨buterfly✨buttons

bright; mermaids or fairies?

Tris - That is such a weird question hdhdh those are so different? Umm, I dunno, mermaids I guess? I guess it depends on what type of mermaid and what type of fairy cuz they vary drastically based on which myth and culture you’re talking about

Ares - Mermaids because ocean.

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

Tris - Yeah!! I do hehe I have a best friend and then a couple other very close friends

Ares - Yes, Tony; and if we don’t count boyfriends then still yes, I have two (Toby & Esrah)

buttercup; showers or baths?

Tris - Showers, I actually cannot stand baths but I love the aesthetic of bath bombs and milk baths and stuff hdhdh

Ares - Both are dumb but showers i guess. Baths seem like extra work

butterfly; dream destination?

Tris - Anywhere but Texas honestly hehe. Going back to France would be nice so I can actually see what it’s like. Also I wanna visit Canada lately too

Ares - Not a specific place, but places with a lot of animals to study/photograph and also pretty nature

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

Neither of us are religious at all hdhdh and I don’t think we’re spiritual either, even though I (Tris) do practice witchcraft i have a very atheistic approach to it still

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

[ID: “Help others and get a custom icon!” written in red and green text, with the Palestinian flag in each corner. /End ID]

@najahmeq2 needs funds for winter clothes for her children, please help her get what she needs (donate here)! As a bonus, for whatever amount is donated, I’ll put it towards a FREE art commission! The more money, the more detail and time I can spend on the art. Please help this mother care for her children, and free Palestine 🇵🇸

Here’s the kind of art you can expect from a 5-10$ donation, and a 40-60$ donation:

[ID: The first is cartoony icon art of a Black pigtailed girl wearing pink, winking and sticking her tongue out, and holding up the peace sign. The second is semi realistic, two toned illustration art of a couple in their forties kissing. The background is in pink and the people are colored in purple-blue. They are a Hispanic woman with curly hair, and a Japanese man with short hair and a shy expression. /End ID]

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

[ID: “Help others and get a custom icon!” written in red and green text, with the Palestinian flag in each corner. /End ID]

@hananmahmoud1 needs help taking care of her children, and you can get free art for helping her out! Just donate any amount, send me a screenshot of proof of donation, and I’ll draw you a custom icon or illustration of your choice! For more info see this post

Here’s the kind of art you can expect from a 5-10$ donation, and a 40-60$ donation:

[ID: The first is cartoony icon art of a Black pigtailed girl wearing pink, winking and sticking her tongue out, and holding up the peace sign. The second is semi realistic, two toned illustration art of a couple in their forties kissing. The background is in pink and the people are colored in purple-blue. They are a Hispanic woman with curly hair, and a Japanese man with short hair and a shy expression. /End ID]

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

🇵🇸 Icon Commissions for Donations 🇵🇸

If you follow me you know I've gotten a lot of asks from Palestinian refugees, and you also know that I don't have the funds to donate right now. So instead, here's how to get a free commission from me in exchange for a donation. Here's how:

Pick a campaign to donate to (I personally suggest this list of everyone who's contacted me so far), and donate however much you want

Send me a screenshot confirming the donation, and the link of the campaign you donated to

Tell me what kind of art you want, exactly like a commission

I will then draw your art when I'm able, post it, and tag you (if you want). I'm not going to make this post any longer with a list of things I will/won't draw, but request what you want and I'll tell you if I can manage it!

This is the quality/style you can expect for a $5-10 USD donation:

[ID: full color, close-up icons of different people in a semi-cartoony, consistent style. /End ID]

And this is the quality/style you can expect for something closer to a $20-50 USD donation:

[ID: three full color, rendered drawings in semi realistic style. The first is of an angel Crowley from Good Omens in a colorful cloudy setting, the second is a bust of a neon multi-eyed demon sticking their tongue out, and the third is two people drawn in profile and in blue, kissing each other. /End ID]

[resignedseraph]

Also btw, it's wild being raised in fundamentalist christianity and developing such a distancing from your intuition and sort of gut feelings about things. Because it's either the Holy Spirit, or it's your human nature, it's never you, and of course your human nature is often incorrect and evil so you learn to ignore it

It's kind of permeated my life even now, even aside from how I was constantly gaslit and things weren't explained in a way I could understand, where there's nearly always this split second of hesitancy, because I never trust my intuition

[resignedseraph]

Hyper-independence is absolutely a trauma response of mine historically, but I didn’t realize exactly how ingrained it used to be in my life until I remembered a weird rule from the cult-school I grew up in: when switching classes, if you forgot something, you could not go back and get it. No exceptions. Ever.

Which is a bizarre rule to have! Practically it makes no sense, and the logical conclusions you’d come to would only harm the students. But that’s kind of the point, you know?

This was called “taking responsibility for your own actions” and “encouraging self reliance” and “teaching high respect for authority figures,” but it ended up meaning that if you happened to forget a pencil and you had an exam, you would then fail the exam with no opportunity for a retake simply because of that missing pencil. Pretty much your only hope was that someone next to you would hand you a pencil without anyone noticing or pointing this out, which itself was also against the rules because it mean you were “enabling someone to avoid taking responsibility for their actions”

Not to even mention the social punishment of this example here; everyone in the class would know, and you would just have to sit there and take the shame and embarrassment for the entire class period, and possibly after via snickering and sidelong sneers

Over a pencil.

Personally this only taught me these lessons: that there are never second chances, that unfairness is guaranteed if I slip up, that it is my fault no matter what happens, and that I need to be hyper vigilant and hyper independent if I want to get by

Thankfully these are not lessons that the real world operates on. There are almost always second chances, that unfairness is possible but not guaranteed, that sometimes it’s not anyone’s fault, and that there will be people to support me to help me get by

I’m really glad that I got out so I could learn these lessons and become the me that I am today

[resignedseraph]

Having religious trauma is wild, I'm getting overwhelmed because I don't understand some college stuff, and my choice in topics to engage in to calm down and recenter include videos debunking religious things I was taught growing up

[resignedseraph]

Sometimes I think maybe it was my problem that I internalized the stuff I was taught so hard, but no, that is absolutely not on me. Sure my neurotype provably influenced how I processed things, but it’s not my fault that I accepted what I was being taught by people I thought were trustworthy