#esrah talks

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

[ID: “Help others and get a custom icon!” written in red and green text, with the Palestinian flag in each corner. /End ID]

@najahmeq2 needs funds for winter clothes for her children, please help her get what she needs (donate here)! As a bonus, for whatever amount is donated, I’ll put it towards a FREE art commission! The more money, the more detail and time I can spend on the art. Please help this mother care for her children, and free Palestine 🇵🇸

Here’s the kind of art you can expect from a 5-10$ donation, and a 40-60$ donation:

[ID: The first is cartoony icon art of a Black pigtailed girl wearing pink, winking and sticking her tongue out, and holding up the peace sign. The second is semi realistic, two toned illustration art of a couple in their forties kissing. The background is in pink and the people are colored in purple-blue. They are a Hispanic woman with curly hair, and a Japanese man with short hair and a shy expression. /End ID]

[resignedseraph]

Hyper-independence is absolutely a trauma response of mine historically, but I didn’t realize exactly how ingrained it used to be in my life until I remembered a weird rule from the cult-school I grew up in: when switching classes, if you forgot something, you could not go back and get it. No exceptions. Ever.

Which is a bizarre rule to have! Practically it makes no sense, and the logical conclusions you’d come to would only harm the students. But that’s kind of the point, you know?

This was called “taking responsibility for your own actions” and “encouraging self reliance” and “teaching high respect for authority figures,” but it ended up meaning that if you happened to forget a pencil and you had an exam, you would then fail the exam with no opportunity for a retake simply because of that missing pencil. Pretty much your only hope was that someone next to you would hand you a pencil without anyone noticing or pointing this out, which itself was also against the rules because it mean you were “enabling someone to avoid taking responsibility for their actions”

Not to even mention the social punishment of this example here; everyone in the class would know, and you would just have to sit there and take the shame and embarrassment for the entire class period, and possibly after via snickering and sidelong sneers

Over a pencil.

Personally this only taught me these lessons: that there are never second chances, that unfairness is guaranteed if I slip up, that it is my fault no matter what happens, and that I need to be hyper vigilant and hyper independent if I want to get by

Thankfully these are not lessons that the real world operates on. There are almost always second chances, that unfairness is possible but not guaranteed, that sometimes it’s not anyone’s fault, and that there will be people to support me to help me get by

I’m really glad that I got out so I could learn these lessons and become the me that I am today

[urjover]

When I said I followed your previous blog, I meant the one that was deactivated—things-in-the-walls.

Xoxo,

Tattoo Jet Anon

WHAT

[the-cabin-complex]

Subsystem time (again)

So we haven't done an update here in a whiiiile, but I wanted to talk about this because it's a relevant thing and also fairly neat anyway! Apparently I (Esrah) have been part of a fairly covert subsystem for a long time now and not really noticed, partially because one was dormant, and switching is rare between ones that are different in a noticeable way

But it's been interesting figuring it out! All of us reply to "Esrah," though most of us have nicknames as well just for convenience's sake. I've been figuring this out for like... the last eight months or so, probably, while various trauma symptoms appeared and had to be sorted out. Then in the last few months, I split again in order to handle the stress I've been under, so now there's me and me-but-just-a-little-to-the-left

Anyway, this post isn't too informative now that I'm reading back on it, so feel free to ask questions or whatever, but I'll just put some intro stuff below the cut for funsies :)

OG Esrah: they/them, genderqueer & nonbinary, system and subsystem host, EP edition of Esrah, carries the usual horrors

Angie: she/they/pidge, ANP edition of Esrah, xenogender woman, doesn't carry the usual horrors, otherwise identical to OG Esrah, switches in and out with OG Esrah very easily

Honey: they/she, hypersexuality holder, lesbian, kind of one track minded, doesn't front often, dormant until recently

Mtz. Grief: they/them, grief holder/holds awareness of the weight of the world, EP, possibly around the 15-17 range? Also doesn't front often, has been around as a separate alter for a few years now probably

[kyrumption]

02/01/25 UPDATE - EMERGENCY- DANGEROUS SITUATION

The landlord of the apartment that Eslam’s family have been renting has threatened them. He saw her talking about the looming eviction on her twitter, and he has realised that she has people who are supporting her and donating to keep her family safe. Someone miraculously paid the $2k rent for December, so now the landlord is trying to extort this family for $6000 in rent debt. He initially gave them a week, after seeing the outrage on twitter, he demanded that she stop talking about him and the rent money, in exchange for giving them until the end of January to pay the $6k.

Eslam and her family are terrified of this man. Her family all told her to remove her posts and not to mention this on twitter. She gave me permission to post this on here. I am incredibly worried about them, as the landlord clearly intends to extort them for as much as possible. They have no tent and no material to build one. The apartment was flooded yesterday and now Eslam’s father is getting sicker.

This was already a dire situation with the exorbitant rent, now things are even worse.

They have only received $5 since the new year. Any help is greatly appreciated.

Hear more from Eslam @eslammsaidd in her own words ⬇️

@palhelp @gaza-evacuation-funds @thebringerofhope @saturngalore @autisticmudkip @imjustheretotrytohelp @blackcherri-stuff @akajustmerry @mangocheesecakes @lonniemachin @woomeme-funds @ashwantsafreepalestine @paper-mario-wiki @ohlorde @good-old-gossip @dawoudi @skaianbruja @bugnitesblog @mar64ds @fricklefracklefloof @unwinni3 @prodivorce @whateveroursoulsaremadeoff @hehemechief @cultreslut @halfbloodfanboy @pontaoski @elbiotipo @infoplaza @selkiebrides @localcoffeeaddict @keepinitwrd @bloodandgutsyippee @iqinitials @wherethatoldtraingoes2 @butchniqabi @frigidwife @vetted-gaza-funds @gazagfmboost @opencommunion @kneecapremover @esrah-rah-rasputin @pandycake-blog @soupygremlin @kurtwagnermorelikekurtwagnerd @treesbian @iactuallytryingtolovemyself @thepurevessel1

‼️ URGENT ‼️ TIME ‼️ SENSITIVE ‼️

16 year old Eslam and her family urgently need our support. The landlord of the home they’ve been sheltering in has demanded they pay him $2000 within 2 days or they will be kicked out onto the street.

Eslam’s father has been bedridden for MONTHS due to complications from untreated diabetes. This family will not survive a second winter in a tent.

I am begging you, please donate if you can, and share this widely 🙏🏻

$91 / $2000

🐥Follow Eslam on twitter/X here 🐥

📷Follow Eslam on Instagram here 📷

🗣️Listen to her story, in her own words🗣️

@palhelp @paper-mario-wiki @paparoach @ashwantsafreepalestine @beserkerjewel @mar64ds @murderbot @lesbianmaxevans @heydreamchild @a-shade-of-blue @blackcherri-stuff @akajustmerry @ecothroat @treesbian @ohlorde @artstrolabe @autisticmudkip @saturngalore @gendercoms @gayruledge @fagdykemuppet @operationladybug @amethyst-halo

[hotdrinks]

8. What do you like most about your own work?

9. What are you currently trying to improve?

and I hope you’re having a good day :)

I am having a good day, thank you! I hope you are too!

8. I like that my drawings are colorful and self indulgent and feature a lot of fat people just vibing

9. I'm trying to get better at lineart, anatomy, backgrounds, digital painting, and having a more consistent style. And also!! Being more loose! I always intend for my drawings to be more scribbly and simplistic but I get too obsessive about details to let them stay that way

[asexualhiccup2]

Before this year ends(for me, obviously it's already over for some people), I want to thank all of you for making this year pretty okay.

I hope that every single one of you has a wonderful 2022.

And a super big thank you to my mutuals for putting up with me. How you do it I'll never know, but I love ya'll for it; @quackadoodles915, @bucky-barnes-and-steve-noble, @that-one-darkness-potato. And my mutuals who I don't really talk to (much), I love ya'll too; @salad-of-potatoes, @esrah-rah-rasputin, and a few more whose urls I can't remember off the top of my head.

[moonlit-enby]

Bright✨bubbles✨buttercup✨buterfly✨buttons

bright; mermaids or fairies?

Tris - That is such a weird question hdhdh those are so different? Umm, I dunno, mermaids I guess? I guess it depends on what type of mermaid and what type of fairy cuz they vary drastically based on which myth and culture you’re talking about

Ares - Mermaids because ocean.

bubbles; do you have a best friend?

Tris - Yeah!! I do hehe I have a best friend and then a couple other very close friends

Ares - Yes, Tony; and if we don’t count boyfriends then still yes, I have two (Toby & Esrah)

buttercup; showers or baths?

Tris - Showers, I actually cannot stand baths but I love the aesthetic of bath bombs and milk baths and stuff hdhdh

Ares - Both are dumb but showers i guess. Baths seem like extra work

butterfly; dream destination?

Tris - Anywhere but Texas honestly hehe. Going back to France would be nice so I can actually see what it’s like. Also I wanna visit Canada lately too

Ares - Not a specific place, but places with a lot of animals to study/photograph and also pretty nature

buttons; are you religious or spiritual?

Neither of us are religious at all hdhdh and I don’t think we’re spiritual either, even though I (Tris) do practice witchcraft i have a very atheistic approach to it still

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

[ID: “Help others and get a custom icon!” written in red and green text, with the Palestinian flag in each corner. /End ID]

@hananmahmoud1 needs help taking care of her children, and you can get free art for helping her out! Just donate any amount, send me a screenshot of proof of donation, and I’ll draw you a custom icon or illustration of your choice! For more info see this post

Here’s the kind of art you can expect from a 5-10$ donation, and a 40-60$ donation:

[ID: The first is cartoony icon art of a Black pigtailed girl wearing pink, winking and sticking her tongue out, and holding up the peace sign. The second is semi realistic, two toned illustration art of a couple in their forties kissing. The background is in pink and the people are colored in purple-blue. They are a Hispanic woman with curly hair, and a Japanese man with short hair and a shy expression. /End ID]

[resignedseraph]

Oh so we all had that guest speaker that would nearly burst into tears during the sermon and make everyone feel really awkward about it huh

[the-cabin-complex]

We were sorting through our bathroom products today and found a bunch of body mists and other stuff that was mostly gifted to us, none of which we’ve consistently used, because forming daily habits is really difficult if it’s not strictly necessary (and even when it is it often gets delayed by a lot). But then… We remembered we have some people here who love fashion and primping and getting ready for going out

And now I’m just imagining yelling “WE NEED A DIVA UP FRONT STAT” into the inner world in the morning, and hearing a bunch of annoyed moaning from the general direction of Crowley’s quarters

—Esrah

[esrah-rah-rasputin]

🇵🇸 Icon Commissions for Donations 🇵🇸

If you follow me you know I've gotten a lot of asks from Palestinian refugees, and you also know that I don't have the funds to donate right now. So instead, here's how to get a free commission from me in exchange for a donation. Here's how:

Pick a campaign to donate to (I personally suggest this list of everyone who's contacted me so far), and donate however much you want

Send me a screenshot confirming the donation, and the link of the campaign you donated to

Tell me what kind of art you want, exactly like a commission

I will then draw your art when I'm able, post it, and tag you (if you want). I'm not going to make this post any longer with a list of things I will/won't draw, but request what you want and I'll tell you if I can manage it!

This is the quality/style you can expect for a $5-10 USD donation:

[ID: full color, close-up icons of different people in a semi-cartoony, consistent style. /End ID]

And this is the quality/style you can expect for something closer to a $20-50 USD donation:

[ID: three full color, rendered drawings in semi realistic style. The first is of an angel Crowley from Good Omens in a colorful cloudy setting, the second is a bust of a neon multi-eyed demon sticking their tongue out, and the third is two people drawn in profile and in blue, kissing each other. /End ID]

[resignedseraph]

Thinking about how passive suicidal ideation is sometimes literally just. A logical conclusion within some sects, even though most don’t realize it

Like if you believe you’re saved and going to heaven no matter what, and the only thing keeping you from that is the idea that you shouldn’t interfere with god’s plan, and your particular denomination doesn’t believe suicide is an auto send to hell… hoping to die as soon as possible seems the natural conclusion

The fucked up thing is I realized this when I was something like ten. And I wasn’t personally passively suicidal, because I’m naturally a wimp about pain, but that was literally all that was keeping me from it! And sure I disliked my life at the time, but how can one approve of a personal belief system if it leads to a preteen thinking death is the best thing that’ll ever happen, and that really they should be hoping for it to happen?

[the-cabin-complex]

What having different people who speak different types of English in one system does to conversations:

Person A: As for myself, my day has been filled with mediocrity and a dullness of point that would rival that of a polished globe. But how, thus far, has the day met you? I would assume that, having secured the position of master of our body’s locomotion, you have had myriad options for activity?

Person B: Well as they say, school sucks but soup fucks :D