#just like how i dread having a repeat of that time in middle school

[miodiodavinci]

i saw that you used to hint at oc stuff on twitter (don't ask me why im digging im looking for zola stuff lmao) why don't you post more about them?

i am simply terrified that if i post oc things online someone will steal the concept and run with it faster and better than i ever could have and then i will be devastated forever and ever

more seriously i have very little to show for any of my oc things (adhd brain making life difficult as per usual awawawawawa) and every time i've shared oc things in the past i've ended up never following up on it and it makes me feel bad and guilty so i've just convinced myself i will Never talk about my ocs until i have something substantial i can put out there

[thebubblesareevil]

School’s Haunted

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4

Danny watched students swarm around the front entrance to Gateway High. They were all over the place, way more than Casper High. Danny took a deep breath, only to have it knocked out of him as a Travis smacked him on the back.

“What’s up man, exited for your first day?” Danny scoffed.

“Excited isn’t exactly the word I’d use. Dread, despair, devastated, some other word that begins with D.” Danny shrugged. “ I don’t know man, my last first day of high school didn’t go too well.”

“Oh come on, it couldn’t have been too bad.”

“A few days before, I got electrocuted which kinda fried my nerves for a bit. I ended up getting a lifetime ban from holding anything made of glass.” Danny quirked an eyebrow “Plus my old bully ended up in the same class as me. Not Fun.” He replied.

“Sheesh, we’ll it’s not like this time can be any worse.” Danny’s jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, did you just jinx my first day, Dude!” Travis laughed.

“If it makes you feel better, I could ask some of my buds on the football team to keep an eye out. Bullies are a pretty big no go around here.” Danny laughed.

“That’s what they all say. There’s always one.” Travis shook his head.

“Fair enough, but we’re pretty tight knit here. Trust me and if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.” He said pushing Danny forward. “Now hurry up, you don’t wanna be late on your first day.”

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll talk to you later.” Danny made his way through the crowd of teens, using the makeshift map to try to find his class.

“Are you lost?” Danny turned around to see a girl wearing her gym clothes. She looked almost surprised he heard her.

“Yeah, I’m looking for Mr.Graham’s class.” She gave him a huge grin.

“Down the hall, take a left and it’s the first door to the right.” He smiled.

“Thanks you’re a lifesaver.”

“Don’t mention it!” She said as she walked the other way.

With newfound direction, Danny made his way to his home room. When he walked in he saw Matt sitting near the middle of the room, there was an empty seat next to him. He was just about to make his way over when he was stopped.

“You must be our new student, why don’t you come up here and introduce yourself.” Danny froze with dread. ‘Why me?!’

“Come on now! Don’t be shy!” Danny gave up, making his way to the front of the class as Matt gave him a look of sympathy.

“Hi, my name’s Danny Prince, not Daniel, not Dan, not Dano, Danny.”

“We’ll let me be the first to welcome you to our class Danny! So what made decide to come to our wonderful school?” He prompted joyfully. Danny had a dark look of glee in his eye. One Matt recognized from the one, and only, time Danny was invited to join his and Travis��� D&D campaign.

The DM hasn’t been the same since.

“Well sir, I just couldn’t resist sunny California. What with the the beaches and rich history here in Gateway city.” The teacher puffed up his chest in pride. “After my parents died in that car accident I just couldn’t say no when my cousin invited me to live here!” He said cheerily. Mr.Graham paled.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.” He hastily responded.

“You’re fine. Figured it was best to get it out now. I’d hate to have to keep repeating it over and over again.” Danny said with wide eyes. The teacher coughed.

“Why don’t you take a seat by Mr. Miller?” He suggested, gesturing towards Matt.

“Probably for the best.” He continued his journey to his seat uninhibited.

“That was cruel.” Matt claimed

“No, cruel is making a teenager stand in front of his class on his first day. That was revenge.” He said with a grin. He heard a giggle from behind him, he turned.

“He’s not wrong you know, it’s practically inhumane.” a girl commented. “The names Simone. Sorry about your parents.”

“Nice to meet you Simone.”

“Likewise, how are you liking Gateway?” Danny smiled.

“It’s great, all things considered. I got a job over at the museum, at the space exhibit!” Danny announced, practically glowing. Simone blushed.

“Oh? Do you like it?” She asked. Matt groaned from Danny’s other side.

“I love it! Dr. Scott even let’s me use the telescope sometimes!” His smiled widened. Simone’s blush got darker. The bell rang.

“What” Simone cleared her throat “what class do you have first?” Danny took his schedule out of his pocket.

“Looks like history first. Shouldn’t be too hard.” He shrugged. Simone pouted.

“I’ve got math first. Maybe I’ll catch you later?” She asked. "Maybe we could sit together at lunch?"

“That’d be awesome! Hey all four of us can sit together!” She stopped as he left in search of his next class. She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“I know your pain.” Matt sighed watching Danny make his way down the hall. He handed Simone a pamphlet, before he too headed to his next class.

She looked down at the paper and read in bold letters

So you’ve got a crush on Danny Prince. Here’s everything you need to know.

At the back of the pamphlet was a museum schedule for space shows.

The bell rang.

She kept the pamphlet.

————————

There are many benefits to being the honorary grandson of the Master of all Time. One of which is the ability to go back in time to study for history.

This has caused Danny many issues. History is written by the victors, and not many of them were interested in historical accuracy. Which is why Danny ended up completely derailing his entire history by starting a debate on Julius Caesar. By the end of class Mrs. Beatle was practically vibrating with excitement. There was not a single silent voice as they questioned what was written in their books. Everyone booed when the bell rang, including Mrs. Beatle, but she promised they could continue the debate the next class.

Most of Danny’s classes ended much the same. Chemistry was especially exciting, they were meant to be doing a simple experiment to show a chemical reaction that would change the color of some paper. Danny’s glowed.

Mr. Thorne spent the rest of the class trying to figure out how.

Danny made his way through math, surprised at how much he enjoyed it.

And that brings him to where he is now.

Gym class.

The class met in the gym only to be led out to the field, for a soccer game to start off the new year. He couldn’t really be mad at Coach Cooper, she was actually pretty cool. But facts are we’re facts, and the fact is Danny hates gym.

Sure he can show off a little, but it was way too easy to forget what was okay and what wasn’t. Way to easy to slip up. He slowly followed the rest of the class.

“Why the long face?” Danny shrugged.

“Not really a big sports fan, plus no doubt Coach is gonna make me take off my hoodie. I really just don’t want anyone staring at my scars."

“Scars?” She looked at him concerned.

“Yeah, fighting ghosts is pretty dangerous. You don’t always walk away unscathed .” He replied with a shrug. The girl froze.

“I’m not gonna fight you.” He watched as everyone started to congregate on the field. “I didn’t mean to intrude on your haunt, but I kinda gotta go to school. You know how it is.” He kept walking, joining the rest of his class.

“Uh, yeah. I do.” She muttered under her breath.

————

Vanessa watched the strange boy for the rest of the day. He was right about the sweatshirt, however he made up a story about a car accident and no one questioned it.

Since the moment he entered the school, she felt compelled to follow him. She hadn’t been a ghost long, but he felt different than anyone else. He felt powerful, terrifyingly strong…and safe.

Everyday she was surrounded by unfamiliar faces, she walked through the halls, watching them go about their day unseen. But this year things were different this year there was Danny.

Vanessa smiled as she watched him leave the school from her perch on the roof. He stopped after crossing the street, turning around he looked right at her and waved. Her smile grew brighter.

This was going to be a fun year indeed.

———————-

Danny quickly made his way back home, excited to tell Diana all about his first day. Travis was right, though Danny would never admit it, and most of the students were pretty cool. He hadn't expected to meet a ghost, luckily she seemed pretty unaggressive. Last thing he wanted was to fight a ghost in the cafeteria...again.

Racing up the stairs he barged through the front door, Diana spun around from where she was sitting at her computer.

"How was school? Make any friends?" She smiled.

"It was great! Sure the teachers were no Mr. Lancer, but they were pretty cool. I made a few new friends, but get this! The school is haunted!" Danny grinned like a maniac.

"Don't you think its a little early in the year to start spooking you classmates?" Danny scoffed, heading towards the kitchen for a snack.

"Cousin mine, its never to early for a good spook. But I'm not talking about me, there's another ghost. I'm pretty sure she was a student there when she died." That got Diana's attention.

"Danny, promise me you won't join forces with the school ghost to reek havoc." Danny gave her the fakest offended look she had ever seen, she raised a single brow.

"Okay, fine. I won't haunt the school, except on Halloween, Frighty would disown me if I didn't scare some teens." He declared dropping the act as he grabbed a thermos filled with ectoplasm.

"Actually, the museum might be doing a temporary exhibit on the history of Halloween. The whole tour is meant to be haunted." she grinned. "I was thinking we could team up and give the Ancient Egyptian crew a run for their money." Diana grinned as her cousin practically started to vibrate from excitement.

"Are you kidding?!?!? That would be awesome!" His feet left the ground as he flew over to the table. "I learned this trick awhile back that I've been DYING to try out!" She smiled as Danny started mapping out plans for a perfect haunted museum.

"We have plenty of time to plan things out," she said laying a hand on his shoulder "tonight however we are celebrating your first day of school in this world so I was thinking we would go out to eat tonight." Danny grinned. "They just opened a new burger place down the street and-" She was cut off by the sound of her communicator. She stepped away from the table as she picked up the communicator, Danny zipped his lips as she answered the call.

It didn't take long, but from the look on her face Danny could tell they would not be going out tonight. Diana sighed after she ended the call.

"I'm sorry Danny, I have to go. Batman has an emergency meeting to discuss some things."

"Is everything okay?" She hesitated before shaking her head.

"Many of the higher priority villains have become increasingly quiet, while weaker villains have been more active than ever. We have been keeping an eye on the situation, however there have been some unexpected developments." Danny nodded.

"Don't worry about dinner, I'll go hang out with gramps tonight and we can do something tomorrow. Just be careful, last time Plasmius went quiet for too long I ended up fighting Pariah Dark."

"You'll have to tell me about that sometime." She smiled "I'll call when I get out of the meeting, hopefully we'll have some time for a movie and ice cream when I get back. Your pick."

"Awesome! There's a new movie that just came out called the Evil Dead that I've been wanting to check out." Diana ruffled his hair.

"Have fun with Grandfather." she said as she headed out.

-----------------

Diana was frustrated, she was meant to have dinner with Danny, instead she was called to an emergency League meeting. The Team found evidence of alien technology being used in the Bialyian desert. The criminal behind the project appeared to be Psimon, a powerful psychic who wiped the memories of the young heroes and put them in extreme danger.

Luckily the Team made it out in one piece, though not completely unscathed.

For the 3 hours they had been going over intelligence by the Team, going over any changes in the conflict, and reviewing other villains recent movements. The more they talked, the more Diana was sure something greater was at play.

To many people were staying far too quiet.

When the meeting finally ended, Batman approached once more.

“Diana."

"Batman, to what do I owe the pleasure?" she smiled congenially.

"What is your opinion of Superboy?" he asked in his usual blunt tone.

"He shows great potential. He needs to work on directing his strength and keeping his temper under control." Diana was quite proud of her new student.

"He's a loose cannon as things stand. We need to keep him under tight supervision." Her smile dropped.

"He may have trouble controlling his temper, but considering everything he's been through in the past months he's doing remarkably well. He listens well and, while stubborn at first, he was an attentive student. Until such a time when Superman decides to train him, I intend to continue with our training." She left no room for argument. Batman nodded.

"If you notice anything-"

"I will handle it personally." She interrupted him, her mood now sour. "And he prefers the name Conner."

"Noted. I won't keep you any longer." He grunted with a nod.

Diana made her way to the Zeta tubes, nodding to her fellow heroes as she passed though her mind was busy. Something was bothering the Bat, and that never boded well for anyone.

She said her farewells and left the base. Once she made it back to the apartment, she changed into her pajamas and pulled out her phone to call Danny. Smiling as she saw messages from her cousin, she tapped the screen to see the pictures.

She choked.

There on the screen, was none other than Vandal Savage, the ruthless warrior who fought against the Justice Society...with neon pink hair trying his very best to look serious in the middle of a meeting. She clicked on the next picture.

It was Vandal again though this time he seemed visibly furious as he stood against the Justice Society... covered from head to toe in glitter. The next message was a video.

Vandal was standing before a group of villains, clearly making some kind of presentation, as Danny and their Grandfather danced in the background. Colorful lights flashing as though they were at a party. From Vandal's twitching eye and the lack of reaction from the other villains... he was the only one who could see or hear them. Upon closer inspection, Danny appeared to be singing along to something. Diana was already at her limit as she unmuted her phone and pressing play, the moment the music came blasting through her phone she had to brace herself against the couch to stop herself from falling from the force of her laughter. She dropped her phone on the floor as the apartment was filled with the sound of-

"WHAT DOES THE FOX SAY?!?!?!?!"

@a-salty-sal@impulsiveasshole@meira-3919@alcorbearson@cute6troll@samgirl98@skulld3mort-1fan@addie-lover-of-stories@amercurio@chronicallyonline-fandomwh0r3 @heirxofxtime @gin2212 @thegatorsgoose@wanderer-of-worlds@terzatheunderscorerima@bright-shade@satanicrutialspecialist@mur-ururu@birdie-24-05@ascetic-orange@cyber-geist@thatrandomsarahchick@dr-syko-pharm-4@observerblock23@addie-lover-of-stories@rainybyday@berseid@pastalavistamf@ae-vixrose@sunflowershine03@theauthorandtheartist@ruelukas22@krzys2000@onlyhereforthechaos@stargirl1331@apointlessbox@mewzaque@distractedducky@cutelittlebeanie@unorthodoxdreamers @universallytacowolfbakery @joseph557@ver-444@icedbluesoul@shark-time@milo-l-l @spookytragedyshark@nutcase8691@idfk-man10 @s1eepyreader @all-eyes-no-dragon@demented-trashcan@avelnfear@tuhguo@genuine-muse@mentalcarebear@britcision@v-inari@redhoneysugarorange@kayekate244@litlecameron@magic-pincushion@mutable-manifestation@@kyrianclawraith@potatoeofwisdom@fisticuffsatapplebees@akikkobara@spooky-fm

[primaviva]

━ GWEN STACY

📂 all my gwen stacy works are written below ! this will be updated regularly.

oneshots

been like this

gwen has been acting distant lately. first, she started taking longer to reply to your texts, then she became less responsive to your calls, and now you hardly get to see your girlfriend at all. every time you do manage to talk, it feels like she's dreading something yet to come. it's starting to seem pretty obvious to you that gwen doesn't want to be in a relationship with anymore. and maybe you're not too far off from the truth. can she make it up to you though? (angst, suggestive)

drummers interlude

while hanging out in gwen’s room, you find a neatly folded piece of paper on the floor of her messy room, which is weird considering how messy she is. she clearly cares about it and upon questioning her, she doesn’t wanna spill her secret. it had you thinking, what was so special about the sheet of paper? (fluff!)

kiss it better

it's a rainy friday night, and you and your girlfriend, gwen aka ghost-spider, had plans to hang out. but when she stops responding to your texts, you can only worry. hours pass and your fears are realized when she finally shows up through your window. bloody, beaten, in need of the care only her favorite nurse can provide. you. (suggestive, angst, fluff)

gingerbread (xmas special)

making gingerbread with your girlfriend—gwen stacy. (fluff!)

better than revenge

gwen has liked you for a long time, harry knew this. to gwen's surprise, harry actually liked her for much longer, something she only learned when he confessed and asked her to prom. gwen's rejection hit harry hard. you can imagine gwen's shock when, just as she was about to tell you how she felt and ask to be your date, you revealed that you already had a date. harry osborn. (angst, suggestive at the end w/ fluff)

back to december

gwen couldn't sleep, her thoughts of you keeping her up all night. despite the snowy weather, you woke up from your sleep, exhausted and annoyed by notification that kept repeating on your phone. your expression drops when you see a text from gwen. “can i come over?” (angst to fluff)

wasted summers

one minute you were fighting the vulture, the next you were caring for gwen stacy. she hated you at first and thought you were just another person taking pity on her. as the two of you became closer, gwen realized she needed you. maybe as a friend or maybe as something more. but that all changed once miles came back. two months later, you were dropped. just like that. was everything between you two just all in your head? she said it herself, you were just a waste of time. (heavy angst to fluff)

personal heater

it’s getting a little cold in queens, and gwen doesn’t mind being your personal heater. even tho her methods are… unique. (fluff, suggestive)

truth or dare

paranoia and the creeping feeling that someone is watching you have been happening ever since the start of the school year once you got together with your boyfriend, randy robertson. but when he gets murdered and queens starts an uproar over this secret ghost killer, you get a call at night from a stranger in the middle of the night, and they wanna play a game. truth or dare? (angst, suggestive, slight fluff towards the end)

headcanons

barbie world

how gwen and you go to see the barbie movie (fluff!)

girlfriend

how you met, confessions, and relationship headcanons for your favorite ghost-spider. gwen stacy. (fluff, suggestive, small angst)

national girlfriend day

short drabble/headcanon on how gwen acts on national girlfriend day. (fluff!)

kisses

kisses and make outs with your girlfriend, gwen stacy. (suggestive, fluff)

jealousy, jealousy

your jealous girlfriend, gwen stacy, headcanons and imagines (fluff, suggestive, small angst?)

bookworm

gwen stacy with a girlfriend who loves reading. (fluff!)

icks

what gives gwen the ick in a girlfriend. (toxic traits, angst)

blurbs

can’t sleep without you

gwen has trouble sleeping sometimes due to all the stress of being spiderwoman and a student. when this happens and you’re still up, you’ll both stay up texting for a while before she forces her eyes to close. but the days she really wants to relax, which is every time she can’t sleep, she finds herself begging for you to take her in. (fluff!)

series

speak now (100 special)

more coming soon…

© 2023 primaviva — please do not copy or repost any of my works without my permission.

[illegal-spiegel]

Right Out of a Fairyjail

Pairing: Osamu Dazai x gn!reader

Genre: angst? fluff? idek man

Warnings: mentions of death

Summary: You meet Dazai in jail and are instantly annoyed by him. Why is he so dramatic? Will he ever shut up? Why is he so nosey?

WC: 1.5k words

A/N: lol I wrote this for a friend's OC and just changed the name. So sorry if you find any errors and if Dazai is OOC </3 also get the title? like fairyTALE lol-

"Whatcha in for?" 

You look up from your nails that you were picking at to look at who spoke. Across from you sat a man with bandages wrapped around his arms and neck. 

You raise a single brow in question, trying to decipher if he was indeed talking to you or not. He’s currently staring you down, so he must be, but why would he be asking you such a personal question? 

“What, cat got your tongue? I know, I know. I’m quite the looker. I’m going to have to ask you to please refrain from falling in love with me though. I already have quite the trail of broken hearts I’ve left behind and I’d hate to add another to the path,” he says dramatically, placing a hand on his chest and faking solemn. 

You do nothing but snort before looking right back down at your hand, using your thumb to scrape out dirt from underneath the middle finger’s nail. “Why are you laughing?” No response. “Am I really so good-looking that the cat has *actually stolen your tongue?” You don’t look up this time. “Oh, I see. You must be mute. Clearly, you aren’t deaf since you looked up when I first spoke.” What is *with this guy? “Was it some terrible, horrible, grotesque accident or were you just born that way?” he continues to pry. You’re honestly flabbergasted by how rude and disrespectful this guy is. He has no shame. 

You sigh and drop your hands into your lap, looking through both of your and his cells’ bars to look into his face. “Are you always this charming or am I just receiving special treatment?” you ask sarcastically, giving him a blank look. 

“Fuck!” he suddenly screams, genuinely looking panicked and honestly freaking you out a bit. “I’m being charming! Shit! Well, there goes your poor little heart. I’m so sorry. I was trying to warn you and was doing my best to be ugly, but with a face like this, I guess it’s just impossible,” he pretends to cry, wiping at his dry eyes and shaking his head as if he’s ridden with guilt. 

You continue to stare at him, expression completely blank and yet another sigh leaving you. You’re already dreading the whole process of being arrested and having to get out of here, but this guy is making it that much worse. 

When you don’t respond, he opens his eyes and raises his head to see what your reaction is. Finding you completely unamused, he blows a raspberry as he leans against his bars. “You’re no fun,” he whines, pouting at you. 

“Sorry, I didn’t realize I came to jail to have fun,” you sassily remark, rolling your eyes. 

“What? That’s the only reason I came! Are you saying jail *isn’t fun?” he shrieks, trying to shake the bars. He then presses his face to the bars and looks left and right, finding an officer standing guard not too far away. “You *lied to me? After all this time? I thought…I thought what we had was special!” he screams, pretending to sob. 

“Shut it, Dazai,” the officer gripes, seeming just as annoyed with him as you. 

“Officer Foster, you wound me,” he pretends to cry, pouting at the man and again wiping at his completely dry face. 

“Have you ever done theater?” you suddenly ask, standing up yourself and walking to your cell’s bars too. His attention turns back to you and he raises a brow. 

“What? No. Why?” he asks, seemingly to be genuinely confused. 

You can’t help but snort. He’s so dramatic and actually a pretty good actor, yet he didn’t get those skills from something as basic as acting in a school play. Interesting. “No reason.” 

“Hm. Well, you still haven’t answered my question.”

“Which was…?”

“Whatcha in for?” he repeats from before, his brown eyes seeming to glint in the dim lighting.

“Oh, forgive me. I can’t believe I forgot to tell you, a complete and total stranger, such information,” you say sarcastically, pretending to be ashamed. 

He grins at you. “It’s okay! No hard feelings! All is forgiven!” he teases, smirking at you. You drop the act and gives him a bored look. 

“I really don’t see how it’s any of your business,” you respond, crossing your arms over your chest. 

“What if I go first? Will you tell me then?” he offers, leaning closer to you in his cage. 

“Why so interested?” you counters, tilting your head. 

“No particular reason. I may or may not have been here a few times and yet this is the first I’ve seen such a pretty specimen like yourself locked up in the joint. Plenty of big, scary men with tattoos and mustaches, but no dainty cuties like yourself. Color me curious,” he explains, that ever-present smirk back. 

“Did you just call me a specimen?” you ask, squinting your eyes at him. 

“Anyway, I digress,” he ignores, “So, we got a deal or what?” 

“Sure, whatever,” you grumble, pressing your temple to the cool metal of the bar as you watch him. 

“Excellent!” he shouts, cheering and jumping like he just won the lottery. He then suddenly grows serious as he tightly grips the bars, his expression suddenly grim. “I murdered a man.” 

Your brows furrow but other than that, you don’t react. Dazai’s brow raises just a hair as he leans impossibly closer to the bars, waiting for some big reaction that’s not coming. After a pregnant silence, he lets out a groan and throws his head back. “You really aren’t any fun at all! That normally always gets people! They either freak out and become scared of me, or they suddenly act like we’re brothers from another mother and ask me for details.” You just continue to stare, clearly unimpressed with him. You knew he was lying. 

He blows a raspberry as he’s trying to get brown hair out of his face, his lips pouty. When that fails, his head whips to the side to get the hair out of his eyes only for it to return right back where it was after a few short moments. “Okay. Truth is, I *almost killed a guy. Kinda. It’s a long story. All you need to know is that he deserved it and I’m an innocent man!” he states dramatically, returning to trying to shake the bars. 

You give a disbelieving hum as you nod your head, turning to walk back to your seat. “Right, of course you are,” you pretend to agree, nodding your head. 

“Well? What’s your story? Why are you in the slammer?” 

You stop right in front of the bench that you were sitting on previously, staring down at it and looking at all the carvings on it. “Still don’t see how that’s any of your business,” you respond sassily, turning to take your seat once more. He starts whining. Typical. 

“C’mon! Don’t be such a sourpuss! I told you why I’m here! It’s only fair you share as well!” he continues to whine and shout. 

“I never asked you to share,” you reason, smirking at him. He opens his mouth a few times and closes it, pondering your words. 

“But you agreed to it!” he argues. 

“Did we shake on it?” 

“No, but-”

“Did you make me swear to it?” 

“Well, no. But-”

“Did you make me do the very serious pinky promise?” 

“Would you stop that? I’m being serious here!” he cries, pouting at you. You chuckle and crosses one leg over the other, giving him a once-over. Maybe he isn’t so bad after all. He’s very entertaining. 

“Fine. I’ll tell you,” you agree, watching him perk up. He then stares at you, excitement and intrigue written all over his face. Your smirk only grows when you don’t continue after that, watching his face slowly fall and impatience start settling in. 

“Gah! C’mon! Out with it! I’m dying here! I gotta know!” 

You hum as you lean back against the concrete wall, crossing your arms over your chest. “I killed a man…” you admit softly for only him, and possibly other inmates, to hear. Wow, that felt good to get off your chest. You might as well confess your sins to someone who you’ll never see again. 

You watch Dazai, waiting for a reaction just as he had done earlier. His expression falls and in its place confusion takes place, trying to figure out if you are joking or not much like he was earlier. You stare at each other for a long moment, trying to figure out what the other is thinking. 

Before either of you could say anything more though, the guard from before is walking over to your cell. “Alright, we can’t hold you any longer. You’re free to go…” You hum and stand up, dusting yourself off as you walk towards the door. 

Once it’s unlocked and screeching loudly on its hinges as it opens up, you walk out and pause in the hallway. You look into Dazai’s cell, finding that his eyes had never left you. “Maybe we’ll see each other again. You said you come here on occasion, no?” you tease, smirking at him. And with that, you start walking away. 

“Wait!” You pause, turning to look over your shoulder at him. “Can I at least know your name?” You smile at this, facing forward again. 

“(Y/n),” you state simply before continuing to walk without learning his name in return. It’d be best if he never saw you again. 

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MASTERLIST

More with Dazai

Join my discord server (I also have an 18+ one that is personal invite only. If you want access to that DM me!): https://discord.gg/qnDxJ6rr67 

Tag List: @nojamsss03, @katsuhera ✦ if you would like to be added or removed, comment or send an ask. Also, remember to tell me if you ever change your username so I can continue to tag you :)

⊱ ────── {⋅. ♪ .⋅} ────── ⊰

[ed-recoverry]

I came across two tiktoks where girls, one was 13 and under and the other 15 or under, could ask questions and girls 14 or older/16 or older could answer. I noticed a lot of repeated questions, so I wanted to make my own answers to any younger tumblrinas

Some of the questions reference periods and boobies, so wanted to add that ofc it’s not just girls that have those, but just in the context of the tiktok :)

Is middle school / high school bad?

Everyone has a different experience. Some easier, some harder, some mixed. One this guaranteed though is that it will end.

Should I change myself for a boy/girl/friend?

Never! Be yourself and the right friend/partner will find you.

Why do I feel alone?

I promise you aren’t, even though it feels so. I know there’s not much I can say to convince you, but please consider that I guarantee, without a doubt, you won’t always feel this alone.

How do I make myself pretty?

Stay healthy, get enough nutrition, move around, and the beauty will follow. I know you don’t believe me, but your body is going to change so much between now and adulthood. Giving yourself the proper care is how to make sure you blossom into a beautiful person. Beauty isn’t skin, or weight, deep. I know that especially is hard to believe and I know I can’t convince you, but I hope you believe me when I say one day you will agree.

Why do I feel like everyone hates me?

I promise not everyone does. It’s possible some of the people surrounding you aren’t best for your self esteem and you should consider who lifts you up and who brings you down.

Why does everyone leave me?

It’s not the people who leave that you have to focus on, but the people who stay. Work on surrounding yourself with those sticking with you. Those leaving weren’t meant to be there. Also consider if you play a role in driving people away. If you can maybe help, or maybe if it just isn’t meant to be.

I feel like no one loves me.

You are loved.

I’m scared to get my first period.

There’s nothing to be scared of. Dreading the annoyance, maybe. But it’s a normal bodily function billions of people have/had.

I miss him/her/them / I can’t get over him/her/them.

It’s beyond normal to be upset over a breakup. Spend time grieving and crying it out, but don’t let it break you. You will find someone else. Life is so long. Not to mention there’s so much more to life than relationships.

Is it okay to starve myself / cut myself / burn myself?

No. Please seek help ASAP.

I feel like I’m not enough.

You are.

Will I ever be happy again?

Yes. I can’t promise soon, but I can promise it will.

Advice for period cramps?

Painkillers on standby. I prefer Midol, but any generic aspirin or whatever will work. Heating pads on your stomach or back. Baths and warm drinks. Look up yoga poses and foods to help and avoid.

Is it okay to be single?

As previously stated, life is painfully long. Plus there is so much more to life than relationships. Yes, it’s okay to be single. But don’t let that make you feel like less than or that you’re missing out. Life is long. You have time.

Is it okay to have hip dips?

That’s literally a symptom of having a bone structure. Especially if you’re AFAB, those are your hips. It doesn’t mean anything good or bad.

Is it okay to be confused about your sexuality / gender?

Yes! There’s no rush! Explore what you like. There’s no limit on self discovery.

Does it get better?

Eventually. I can’t promise soon, but I can promise eventually.

I just feel like things keep getting worse mentally.

Personally, I got worse before I got better. It’s normal, and sometimes necessary. Hang in there. I promise one day it will be okay.

Is it possible for heterosexual girls and heterosexual guys to be friends?

Absolutely.

Will I ever find love?

Yes, if that’s what you want. But, once again, please no that’s not the only thing that matters.

My emotions feel overwhelming / uncontrollable?

This is a situation that could be normal or abnormal, and it’s a bit hard to tell (sorry). Teenage hormones suck, bouncing back and forth, sometimes not waiting for your head to catch up with your heart. But if it’s to the point where you can’t take it or it’s consistently interfering with your productivity, that may be a point where you want to seek help.

Do things get better after middle / high school?

Usually, yes. A lot of what used to be so important, people couldn’t care less about. More deep seated issues may need more intense addressing, but all of those tiny things you constantly picked at yourself for likely will disappear.

Is middle / high school fun?

Yes, but you have to figure out what is fun for you. For me, partying wasn’t fun, small hangouts with my friends were fun.

What if he/she/they don’t like me back?

Then it wasn’t meant to be. Take time to be upset about it, but don’t let it define you.

Is it okay to hold in / ignore your emotions?

Depends. It is appropriate for a short period of time in which emotions may get in the way of a task. But it shouldn’t be something you always do.

Why do I feel unloved even when I know I am loved?

Cause you’re insecure and don’t see how much value you have in this world. Strive for the day in which you realize this.

Why do I feel alone when friends are all around me?

^^^

Would short / long hair look good on me?

Who cares? It’s hair. It will grow back.

Why don’t I have boobs?

Your body doesn’t really stop moving around until you’re 20-ish. You have time. That said, boobies don’t equal worth. That all said, you are worth way more than boobies.

Sex?

Only when you are 110% sure and ready. Please educate yourself as much as possible about it, preferably with a trusted adult. If one of you has a penis and the other a vagina, ALWAYS USE CONDOMS. No means no. The absence of a yes means no. “I’m not sure” means no. “I’m not in the mood” or “I don’t feel like it” means no. “I’m not comfortable with ___,” means don’t do that. Pee after sex if you were penetrated. Check in with your partner. Clean any sex toys. USE A CONDOM! CONSENT IS MANDATORY!

I want to kill myself.

Please reach out for help ASAP.

I am hurting myself / I want to hurt myself.

Please reach out for help ASAP.

I am starving myself / purging to lose weight.

Please reach out for help ASAP.

I am being hit / touched inappropriately at home.

Please reach out for help ASAP.

I want to hurt people, often or always unprompted.

Please reach out for help ASAP.

[neptoons1998]

Black Pearls

A/N: I did the thing. Just a disclaimer I know Mami Wata is more of a water spirit than a demon. and I am just a translator for Yucatec Mayan so take it with a grain of salt. But if y'all don't like that please let me know because I'm not trying to be mean.

Summary: Every child in Wakanda knows about the water demon. The demon takes misbehaving children and forces them to open thousands of clams. Okoye being a curious child went into the cave, and instead of being greeted water demon, she meet a strange blue boy.

There are many folktales that are woven in Wakanda. A young Okoye loved and valued each story that was passed down to her. To the young girl, it felt like she was learning more about her ancestors which gave young girl strength. But there was one story that gave Okoye nightmares Mami Wata. 

The water demon.

“You don’t want Mami Wata to get you,” Her uncle told her one day when she walking far too close to the river’s edge. That scared Okoye into not walking too close to the rivers. Every child in Wakanda knows about the deadly water demon that would drag misbehaving children into her underwater cave and make them open millions of clams to find the water demon’s missing eye.

“Wait why does she have a missing eye?” Nakia asked. Ayo and Okoye were telling the girl about the Mami Wata. The group was making their way to school.

“That’s just an old wive’s tail,” Okoye said to Nakia, who was a little shaken about Mami Wata. Ayo shook her head as her beads shook, “Nuh-huh. She’s real and I know where she lives.”

“Sh-she’s r-real?” Nakia repeated as she wrapped herself around Okoye’s body with bao constrictors’ strength. 

Ayo nodded, “Yes, and she appears when you say her name three times.”

“No, she’s not,” Okoye repeated freeing herself from Nakia’s grip. “Ayo just likes to spin tall tales.”

“Fine if you think I’m lying. Then I double dare you!” Ayo exclaimed stopping Okoye in her tracks. “Aneka told me that Mami Wata lives in the creepy crave not even crocodiles would sleep there.”

“Not the double dare,” Nakia mumbled as she watch the pair argue. Okoye eyes Ayo, “It sounds to me like you’re scared.”

Ayo puffed up her chest folding her arms, “No I’m not scared. I just want proof that I am right like always.”

“Well then you go,” Okoye said to her. Ayo shook her head, “That’s not how a dare works.”

Before Okoye could make her argument know the school bell rang, “Fine, I’ll go. Once I come back I’ll show you that is just a stupid wise tale.”

During the whole day, Okoye felt the dread that sunk like a heavy stone in her stomach. She wished she could take back on doing this stupid dare. Once the final bell rang Okoye knew it was time. She walked to the entrance like a death march, her eyes saw Ayo standing there with a smirk on her face. Tiny Nakia looked concerned for her friend, one thing about Okoye she doesn’t give up. Not even for a dare; the trio walked to the outskirt of the river where Mami Wata resides in.

“Well,” Ayo announced crossing her arms. Nakia put her hands over her eyes as if it would stop the dare.“Go on.”

Okoye pressed her lips as she walked down the slope. She walked past the scattered trees that lined up on the water’s edge, Okoye’s feet stopped when she made it to the entrance of the cave. Mami Wata’s cave, she thought as she balled up her fist. If she was going to be the future head of the Dora Mija she couldn’t be scared of some childish tale. She was nine years old now!

Once she stepped into the stone floor of the cave. She smelt the stale air as she ran her hands across the bumpy sharp stone. In the middle of the humidity cave was water, Okoye came close to it. She could see her reflection, the young girl took a deep breath.

All I have to do is say Mami Wata three times and run, Okoye said to herself. She was the fastest runner in her class and now it was time to put it to good use. 

“Mami Wata,” She said. Something in the young girl’s spirit felt like something wasn’t right, she couldn’t explain it. Okoye chest tighten but she pressed on. The young girl refused to be seen as a coward, “Mami Wata.”

“Ma-” Before Okoye could say the last word, she looked closer at her reflection in the water. Why does it look so different? As Okoye lend closer a creature popped his head out of the water.

“Ah!” Okoye screamed causing her to fall backward. Okoye quickly scrambled to get up, she had to make a run now before Mami Wata takes her. As she tried to make a break for it a cold clammy hand took her wrist, “No, let go!”

“Juntéen! Pa'atik,” The water demon spoke. Okoye finally opens her eyes to see not a creature but a boy. 

“W-who are you? And why are you blue?” Okoye shouted at the boy.”D-did Mami Wata force you to open clams?”

 The boy only tilted his head to the side, before giving her a grin. Okoye no longer scared was now annoyed with the boy, “Hello, I just asked you a question.”

“Jach chichanech utia'al junp'éel k'iin. Namora nojoch asab u teech.,” the blue boy spoke as sat back down into the water. Okoye leads over the rocky side to watch her new friend. 

“Huh?” Okoye asked. “No, you don’t understand Wakandian. I definitely don’t speak yours.”

The boy continued to look at Okoye, unblinking. This boy is weird, Okoye thought. Okoye shook her head, Well on the bright side Mami Wata isn’t real. So I guess I can go home. The young girl slides off the rock as her feet meet with the ground, “Bye.”

The blue boy launched out of the water standing in front of the girl. He touched Okoye’s hands as if he didn’t want to let the young girl go. His wet hair clung to his forehead, “K'a'abet a beel le k'iino'?”

“OKOYE,” Ayo’s screamed out to her. Causing the pair to split apart Okoye quickly turned her head to the entrance of the cave, “YOU BETTER NOT BE DEAD! HURRY UP AND COME OUT ALREADY!”

Okoye let go of the boy’s hand and quickly ran away from the strange blue boy.

Translation:

K'a'abet a beel le k'iino'? : You must be the sun

Juntéen! Pa'atik,: Hey! wait

Jach chichanech utia'al junp'éel k'iin. Namora nojoch asab u teech.: You are too small to be a sun. Namora is bigger than you.

[maochira]

Confession (Keiji Togashi x reader)

My first Ao Ashi x reader!!

Tags: gn!reader, reader is an artist, no manga spoilers (basically this is in the middle of season 1), Aoi and Otomo appear as well, not proofread

You've been Togashi's classmate for months now, and at first, he intimidated you and you didn't care much for him. But your friends often dragged you along to watch Team B's matches and you found yourself focusing on Togashi the most out of all the players. And as time passed on, you found yourself feeling excited whenever you saw him walking onto the field and even more when you got to see him in school every day. It really didn't take much longer until you developed a crush on the defender, despite the fact that you've never talked to him properly and you're pretty sure he doesn't even know your name.

And at some point, not only did you find yourself watching his matches, but you also started coming to watch Team B's practices if you had the time to. As an excuse to have a reason to go, you always brought your sketchbook along to sketch the players to practice dynamic poses. You really tried your best to draw all of them, but then found yourself drawing Togashi the most - even though his hair is always hard to figure out.

And of course, your friends quickly picked up on the fact that you have a crush on him and keep teasing you about it because they want you to confess to him. But you're so sure Togashi still doesn't know who you are, even though he notices how often you come to watch him at practice and matches. He's wondered about it for a while, but always shrugged it off as you being a fan.

Because of your friend's teasing, you had to promise that you'll confess one day. You said it'll be when your sketchbook is full because that usually takes you a while. Just with this particular one, you didn't even realize how much faster you're filling it because you've been using it a lot more since you started drawing at Team B's practices.

Today is like any other - you came to watch Team B at practice and draw while you're at it. And suddenly, you're on the last page of your sketchbook. You're already dreading drawing on it because you know as soon as you do, it'll mean you have to tell Togashi about your feelings. You promised it to your friends. There's no going back.

As much as you're dreading this moment, you're waiting at the exit of the training field to watch out for Togashi. Many of his teammates leave and barely any of them look at you, but the moment Togashi approaches the exit accompanied by Aoi and Otomo, all of them recognize you instantly.

"Isn't that (Y/N)?" You hear Aoi saying from a bit of a distance, but you can't figure out what Otomo answers him. Togashi doesn't seem to have any reaction to your presence. Maybe he really doesn't know who you are?

For a moment, you debate with yourself to just leave and act as if nothing ever happened. But then Aoi runs up to you and is about to greet you. Although, before he gets to say something you force your sketchbook into his hands. "Give this to Togashi-" You tell him quickly before running away as fast as you can.

All three boys are equally confused and look after you, especially Aoi. He looks down at the sketchbook you just put into his hands as your words repeat in his head, so he hands it over to Togashi.

"What is this?" He asks in a tone that sounds a little irritated. He doesn't understand why you ran away so quickly.

"I don't know. They told me to give it to you," Aoi shrugs, "Look into it."

Otomo already knows where this is going. He saw the obvious blush on your face when you gave your sketchbook to Aoi. Otomo curses Togashi in his head for getting a confession before he did.

As they continue walking back to their dorms, Togashi flips through the sketchbook. "I don't get it..." He mumbles as he flips through the mix of your personal art and all the sketches you made while watching Team B's practices. He notices very quickly that he was drawn the most. He opens his mouth to say something else, but not only his voice but also his steps stop when he reads what you wrote on the last page.

"I like you. A lot."

[darling-wendy]

family photos and future implications

There’s a clear progression in the photos the Kurusuwa family took together and I wanna talk about it because a picture, as we all know, is worth a thousand words. 

Miri’s field day (October 15, 2023)

It’s the first photo they’ve ever taken together and one done tentatively because of their unique situation and how they’re still effectively hiding. Miri, the star of the day (and the focus of the episode) is front and centre, with Rei and Kazuki on either side of her. Kazuki has his hand on Rei’s shoulder, pulling him in a bit, but there’s some distance among all of them.

Miri’s daycare Christmas party (December 24, 2023)

Their second family photo and they’re all huddled up close together. Part of that is almost certainly due to Rei and Kazuki’s injuries. But also, at this point, they’ve fought and more or less vanquished the thing that had them previously unsure and tentative about their status as a family. They don’t have to be worried about photos of them getting out anymore. Miri, once again, is front and centre.

Miri’s first day of middle school (circa April 2031)

From what I can tell, middle school in Japan is things get serious for kids. They start to wear a uniform (unless they went to a private academy or something), there’s more tangible talk of university and their futures, and there’s more ceremony in matriculation and graduation. Rei and Kazuki are dressed the sharpest we ever really see them (Rei’s murder suit doesn’t count). As usual, Miri is front and centre, but now there’s more distance among them again.  Kazuki has a hand on her back because he’s more tactile and that’s still his little girl, but Miri is growing up and is in need of her own space. 

Miri’s first day of high school (circa April 2034)

For the very first time (and I think this was part of the initial confusion around the taking of the photo), Miri is not in the centre. She’s a bit off to the side while Kazuki and Rei are close together, basically hugging. And this was a formation she insisted on. She’s growing up even more, becoming more independent, and is getting close to the cusp of adulthood. In a few years, she’ll be off to university and then it’ll be just Rei and Kazuki again. They had lived together for a couple years before they met Miri, but now they’re both different--they’ve both changed. They’ll have to grapple with empty nest syndrome [insert pun about the diner] and they’ll also have to figure out what their family unit looks like without Miri around all the time. 

I think a lot of people misunderstood Kazuki in episode 11. This was his face when he heard Rei was going back to his dad:

He’s stunned and disappointed. Neither have been their best selves as they deal with Miri’s absence, but it would be even worse to do deal with it alone. Rei’s games were the last thing keeping the dreaded silence away after all.

This right here is masking. Rei--the last gasp at the normal happiness that Kazuki has always wanted-- is leaving and he can’t stop him. All he can do is play it off and pretend it doesn’t hurt. 

Going back to the taking of the final photo, I very much do not think Rei’s question was throwing cold water on the idea that he cared for Kazuki. He clearly does. Rei has been shown to have a habit of repeating the last thing someone said to him as he tries to puzzle out their words. He’s also not a tactile person. I think he’s just genuinely confused as to what them being family has to do with getting closer for a photo.

Kazuki, for his part, immediately shifts into gleefully dragging Rei in by the neck, something we’ve seen him do multiple times over the course of the series.

Whatever fight they put up was a for-show, token effort. They look very comfortable together and I’m sure that when Miri goes off to university, they’re going to stay together and figure out how their family dynamic works as a duo. Maybe Kazuki will finally let Rei have a cat 😉

[freedom-barricades-bighero16]

Chronicle of Abuse v2

Hey guys... I need help.

I've been thinking about what kind of a person my sister really is, whether all this is just sibling rivalry or she's actually been abusing me for years. I've talked to many counsellors, support staff and my therapists but they don't seem to have an answer. Maybe you'll know the better terminology to describe her behaviour and I'll let you be the judge.

When we were toddlers

Has hit me before.

Has sent me a threatening note. She even explained what it meant to me: She is allowed to hit me (repeated three times) and she is allowed to scream at me.

She abandons me whenever her friends / my older cousin comes along.

Always made me play the bad guy in our games, or in my drawings.

When we were children

Again with the threats. She threatened to tattle to our mum by using a "special device" to send her notes, and I was petrified because she would scream at me instead of disciplining me properly.

Slammed me against a wall once during a fight. I cried and my parents asked her what did she do, and she said that she did nothing.

When she first went to middle school, her own bullies got worse so she kind of took it out on me (can't really blame her for that)

Started creating some really weird stories. When I expressed that I'm uncomfortable with them, she gets angry and I have to pretend that I liked them.

Jumped out into the road many times just to avoid a dog, and throws a tantrum every time she sees one (which is a lot). You have no idea how much her dog phobia traumatized me

Sometimes says I'm not allowed to do certain things while doing the same things herself.

Told me many times that our parents are spoiling me and that I'm an entitled little brat, and she would get very upset if Mum and Dad finally agreed to get me something but she didn't have the same exact thing. In fact, now when I get something for myself, I'm kind of still dreading her throwing a fit.

After Mum almost divorced Dad over not having a cake for her birthday, my sister threatened that she would throw a tantrum like Mum did if she doesn't have a cake for her birthday. (She told me this when we're alone, I think. I forgot if Dad was present too)

My Dad has told her to not scream at me many times, but she never listened to him.

When we were teens

If I told my parents that I'm disagreeing with what my sister said (I often had to whisper), she would get really close to my face and GROWL.

We went to the same primary school and were both bullied by our classmates. When I cry, my sister tends to just tell me to shut up.

She got into Harry Potter and Game of Thrones for a bit, continuing on the weird stories. She would also read out the books in an accent that sounds more like English (which personally, I found very pretentious). I couldn't leave or she'll yell at me.

She tried to pressure me into dating boys when I came out as bi, and was very dismissive and asked me if I'm making everything related to LGBTQ+ when I came out to her as gay, and tried to adopt a more butch look.

Technically this doesn't count as affecting me, but there was a time where my sister wanted a manga but my Dad said no, so she threw another tantrum until he finally bought it for her.

She literally said "You're not allowed to treat me like this" when I'm unhappy with her. It happened a few times I think.

Demanding me to take a post down on my social media if it had swear words.

She would scream at Smokey like she did with me whenever he bit her (basically, being a typical baby kitten). I told her to not do that, her response was "What else can I do apart from screaming?"

When we are adults / Present day/ Ongoing

The transphobia. She once told me that she has heard of trans people saying that what Rowling said isn't transphobic, but now I'm pretty sure she was lying to me.

Constant, overt anti-Chinese racism. This happened after I told her her rants about dogs in the family chat are making me very uncomfortable.

Just being dismissive to literally anything that has to do with me, even when I'm trying to warn her about a cryptocurrency scam that I almost fell victim to.

So, there you have it. That's as much as I can think of right now.

I've heard from some friends that my sister might be a narcissist, while my parents often told me she has a lack of awareness of things/inertia and that she's very blunt in general. It almost felt like they're letting her get away with the stuff she did.

I've been trying to find support for dealing with a possibly abusive sibling, but I don't seem to find anything. I need your help. Please. I don't know what to do.

[restforthe-burdenedsoul]

Ive been applying to retail jobs this week to try to get into a new job quickly. This weekend im going to fluff up my resume and apply to other social work jobs that better fit my skills and interests.

Im realizing that I really like long term case management and when there’s some aspect of travel. Im debating going back to some kind of child welfare work short term because I did really like working with the parents. The hours are a little weird, but honestly? That might work out with trying to finish school. There was a fair amount of scheduling flexibility and i could stay up later because there were very few morning visits. Also, M will be working overnights now (hopefully! He just interviewed with another company) so we could maybe see each other in the early mornings.

Ive cried every morning, night, and in the bathroom at work this week. Im a little more emotional because of hormones, but my stress is screwing up my cycle. So ive just been stuck in this hormonal state of pmdd.

This job just doesnt fit my strengths, in fact, it highlights all of the things I struggle with the most. I had a new trainer yesterday who, unprompted but probably because of how I was acting, said that this job can be hard for a type personalities because its so all over the place with little structure and requires a lot of organizational and memory skills.

Yeah….im type A, thrive on structure which is why im always flopping around like a fish out of water, have limited organizational skills outside of my color coated closet and sticky note drawer, and have really poor short term memory.

The amount of times I have to ask my Trainers to repeat things they’re saying because I dont catch it all until the 3rd or 4th time around is embarrassing. But I don’t do well with sequenced verbal directions. I need things typed and spaced out, I often have to re-read directions a few times and I still manage to miss things.

There’s very little supervisory support here. My big boss who oversees the training said we have a meeting tomorrow and “I scheduled it for 30 but honestly itll be like 10-15 minutes” …seriously? What kind of guidance or support am I gonna get in that time?

Im dreading every day and dont know How to make jt feel better. I end the day every day drowning and wondering how I even made it. Im still trying my hardest because thats just my work ethic, but im not retaining much.

I understand the beginning and the end of the job, but im just not connecting it in the middle…the bulk of the job. And I don’t think it’s just because i dont understand the medical side. My brain just doesnt function like this.

I wish so fucking bad I could just quit and never come back.

[lovemesomesurveys]

Any recent purchases? I gave my mom some money to grab a few things I wanted from the store recently. 

Have you ever thought about giving up on life completely? Yes.

Have you seen the entire Harry Potter series? I have.

Do you still have both of your parents? Yes, and I’m so very grateful for that. 

Do you live very far away from Kansas? I mean, yeah. I’m in California, which is very far west and Kansas is in the middle. 

Do you enjoy cuddling? I honestly don’t have much cuddling experience. 

Do you play video games? Yeah, sometimes. It’s been awhile, though. 

How many colors are in your hair right now? My hair is entirely my natural hair color right now. I actually hate it, I miss my red hair so much. 

Do you have your full license yet? I don’t have my license. 

Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? I do.

Does your significant other boss you around a lot? I’m single. 

Do you prefer winter or summer? Winter all the way. I dread summer. 

Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Yes.

Are you a fan of PDA (public displays of affection)? I don’t mind a little PDA, but not too much.

Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Yeah, several times. 

Where are your siblings as of now? My younger brother is at his boyfriend’s house and I’m assuming my older brother is at home.

What color shirt are you wearing as of now? It’s light blue.

What is your favorite class? I’m not in school anymore, but I always loved English. I also liked most of my psych courses. 

Are you in love with someone right now? No.

Can you speak any other languages than the one you’re fluent in? I’m only fluent in English, but I can speak a little Spanish.

Do you take a lot of photos? No. Definitely not of myself. I take screen shots or save photos to my phone more than I take any. 

When you were little, did you think band-aids healed everything? I suppose so.

Have you ever had a pregnancy scare? Nope. 

Where do you download music from? I haven’t downloaded music since like 2012. I just use Spotify to listen to music. 

Have you ever cheated on someone before? No.

Have you ever attempted suicide? No.

Do you know what ‘irony’ means? I do. 

How many pillows do you normally sleep with? A few. 

Do you lose your remote often? No, it’s always next to me.

Have you ever skipped class before? Yeah, I did sometimes in college. I didn’t make a habit of it or anything and I always did my work and got whatever I missed. 

Are you a regular school skipper? No, like I said I didn’t make a habit of it. I never understood how some people would only come on exam days.

Do you have any Pay-per-View channels? Is that even a thing anymore?

Who, in your life, makes you feel discouraged? Just myself. 

When was the last time you went bowling? Almost 15 years ago. 

Do you ever suspect your significant other of lying to you? --

Are you expected to help fix Thanksgiving dinner? No, but I like doing the appetizers. 

Is there anything bothering you right now? There’s a few things bothering me. There always is.

Would you like to talk to someone about it? I briefly did earlier about some of it with my mom. 

Do you live by any major bodies of water? Yes, the Pacific ocean. 

Do you tend to make the first move in a relationship? No.

Do you spend a lot of time with family? I do. 

How many times have you been to Disney World, if any? Never, sadly. I’d love to go. I’ve been to Disneyland several times, though, which I love. 

Have you ever lost anyone close to cancer? No.

Have you ever been accused of being on drugs when you weren’t? No.

Do you have a more quiet or loud voice? I’d say I have a quiet voice. People often need me to repeat myself and speak a little louder. 

Do you personally know anyone who is transgender? Not that I know of.

When was the last time you got a shot? Uhhh. I don’t even remember, it’s been a long time.

Can you play any instruments? If so, what are those instruments? No. I wish I could. 

Do you have any diseases? No, but I have other health issues. Some of them are chronic. 

Have you ever been into a car accident? No, fortunately. 

[fundonboy]

anyways emo time on main but like im just thinking about how taylor will probably never know just HOW MUCH she has impacted my life like from having an escape through her songs when my reality was not great in middle school, and listening to Fifteen every single morning as I walked into high school, and having Shake It Off come out when I was in an adolescents psych ward and it was the only thing that cheered me up, and Safe and Sound being the only thing that calmed my anxiety and i would have it on repeat for hours at a time, and then there was that one magazine cover, elle uk april 2019, and i still remember the day i first saw the pics, and i was on my way to another dreaded uni statistics class, and right then and there i told myself (and texted my sister) that one day i will shoot a magazine cover, and one day i will shoot a magazine cover of taylor swift. and yeah im still a long way away from that, but im finishing my second year of art school studying photography and i couldnt be happier :’)

[ikindofjustkeepsayingthings]

2.2.23

every once in a while i have these moments where it feels like time has collapsed in on itself and the pain i’m feeling now is being felt by every version of me who isn’t me and is and was and i’m scared of dying and i’m scared a man will hurt me again and i feel completely out of place and i think of marie antoinette and in that moment we are the same 14 year old girl with a man’s hand up her shirt assuming that this is just how it is. or sometimes i’m not doing well and my mom feeds me soup and crackers and microwaved tikka masala from trader joe’s and in that moment we are every mother and daughter. we are the carer and the cared for as she is caring for me and i am caring for her because, finally, i am letting her. sometimes when time collapses it is only me. i saw somebody on tik tok on twitter on tumblr say “i am every age i ever was” and when i smell weed im six and i am so scared and when i am on narcotics i’m twelve and i know what’s going to happen. im eighteen this year but right now im in middle school looking up reasons to live on pinterest. it’s so comforting and horrifying to understand that i am every single women who has come before me and will be after me. i wrote a poem a few years ago i think sort of a poem but i’ve never been terribly good with poetry and i used this sylvia plath quote and i used it wrong. i used it wrong centered entirely around me but then time fell in and it was the same fucking thing. i wrote what she was writing about without ever realizing it until i reread the quote today but in that moment we were writing the same poem we were the same scared beauty queens full of too much caffeine and nicotine feeling the same dread every woman has felt. i can’t help but feel as though the cycle will repeat itself and it’s going to be my fault.

[loser-brain]

just a tiny small vent. word count: 566

i can't art anymore or currently. I've recently been motivated to write again but art... that's something that I've been doing for so long and been wanting to do it as a full time job.

but with people that I keep meeting. that keeps draining me. I think my bucket for art that was once filled with so much love and passion, is finally empty.

the motivation to art is different from what I experience with burnout. I use to have the energy to make stupid little doodles that I love, cherish and would share, but my art have degraded so badly I am ashamed of it.

I want to find that flame again because I am terrified of my future. I've been working on my art skill ever since middle school being told my portfolio was advance but not quite there yet. working hard and learning how the animation industry works in high school and setting my eyes out to art Colleges or University.

finally getting in a institute of art that was top ten in the states but not only that but the area was a well know for movies to take place (fun fact, during my time at CIA a spider man movie was being made there).

but after repeated abuse from others and being drained constantly... I wish people saw me as human and not just a positive light in the tunnel. I'm sorry, but there are times where I can't be positive all the damn time. there are times where I fall into a deep depression and walk away from social media. I have few friends that understand that just because we don't talk for a month or so doesn't mean we aren't friends.

I am thankful to have those special people still in my life or people that I am reaching out again to have a small catch me up.

I have been unmedicated for years. I was suppose to be medicated for my deep depression and high social anxiety back when I was a teen but my mother, at the time, had a fear that it would 'alter my personality' and 'change me.'

i don't like going to the doctors because of her mindset have influence me. so I have been neglecting my health for years.

there is a chance that I may be diabetic. my iron keeps fluctuating again. my anxiety have gotten worse. my fear of large crowds and interacting with people have also gotten worse. my depression may have gotten worse again (i've been sleeping in mornings for I dread waking up at or around 9 AM. I used wake up around that time, now I don't.)

my head aches in pain.

the desire and dream to art again and live my life as a blissful ignorant girl is what I crave again. oh how I wish to fall back in time and tell myself, take a different path. you might remain stagnant but be happy still playing with your made up dolls and be in your made up world that is not reality creeping in.

the reality that I am facing, putting my dreams of being an artist to bed. it's the worse.

next year, i hope I get proper treatment and come back a new.

hopefully I can dig up the grave of my dreams and explore the joy of it all over again.

[loveletterstothepast]

Dear Zach,

I want to skip over all the pleasantries and cut right to the chase. I had a huge crush on you when I was in middle school and never approached you. When you saw me and my friends in the mall being perfectly normal you always rolled your eyes and scoffed at us. It used to make me so upset and feel so unbelievably confused. Your friends liked me well enough why couldn’t you. I knew you were older, I think that’s why I always tried to make you notice me back then. I spoke to Micheal R as a friend and never once did I imply I liked you. Never once did I lead him on either even though he would beg me to marry him. Looking back that’s pretty creepy of some highschool boy to talk to me. It was all fair game though since I was young enough to not understand.

When I got into highschool it opened up a whole field of vision for him and you hated me even more which confused me when you added me on Facebook. If you didn’t like me you didn’t have to be in my life.. but that’s not true. Micheal wanted all of his friends to know exactly who he had his eyes on and exactly who they couldn’t touch. I wasn’t even cute. I didn’t even have a great personality. I was a copy pasted girl who was stuck in 2014 tumblr grunge era and wanted nothing more than to enjoy my peaceful emo phase.

He started dating Hennessy. I liked her so much I’d send my then boyfriend to their shared class to give her candy, snacks, and soda. She was so sweet I hadn’t even realized that most of that candy was being shared amongst the group of you misfits. Taking my act of kindness to her as one for all of you. I stopped liking you, I’m not sure why completely. One of the guys from your friend group moved to our school Nathan or something like that.. and he told me everything. From the moment you laid eyes on me you hated me because I made your friend act stupid and you took it for a weakness. Then when he demanded everyone stay away from me but be at least civil towards me, you hated me even more because he put me on a pedestal and you didn’t see the value or my worth just yet.

I lost track of all of you guys. It’s like you all stopped mattering once all of our graduations lined up. Until you started liking my posts on Facebook.

With the deepest dread I will never understand how we happened. You just kept liking my posts until I caved and messaged you like you were some hot catch. When we started talking often and I told you of my little crush back in the day you acted as if you had always known. It really grossed me out but I tried to remember that you had always been this weird cocky guy who thought that the world owed you. I think you expected me to fall for your charm and maybe for a little bit I was interested in it but.. I wasn’t buying what you were selling.

You told me some secrets that will always haunt me and gross me out. I’ll never repeat them except for the one time I spilled the beans about you to my partner. It never leaves my mind though. You also told me how you only dated me because you fell off with Micheal. You didn’t even like me for who I was just yet.. and when I asked you to repeat what you had just said you looked at me like I was the dumb one in our conversation. You based a relationship off of something so petty and expected me to want to stay interested in you. Sex with you was bland and basic and I don’t even know if I did it because I still wanted to try with you or if it was because I was also petty and wanted to say I at least had the guy I mooned over for most of my middle school and highschool life. It wasn’t even worth it though.. it was so awkward and I dried up so fast that I felt like I was going to die of embarrassment. You talked a good game when we would flirt walking around places. We’d giggle until I realized.. you smelled like old spice but not in a good way.. in a ‘I never grew up’ way. You use axe body spray and considered it a cologne and would wear it so thick that it was hard to breathe next to you in the car.

Your cocky demeanor is all an act for the way you lack in other departments. You have a boring personality. You disrespect the people around you and have no regard for their feelings. The only person in your would that exists to you, is you. You got mad when I stopped responding but what woman with morals and values would waste their time on someone like you.

You’re more than a fixer upper. You would be a build from the base up and I’m no construction worker so I was never going to bother once I got to know the real you.

I just wanted to clear the air for my own well being. You disgusted me beyond belief. I was repulsed at every stage of us getting to fully know one another. I regret my decision of pursuing you and you are NOT all that and a bag of chips. What truly set the tone for our relationship was when you told me outright you only did this because it would break Micheal’s heart. That crush he had on me was in 2014-2015. You waited 5-6 years to act out your revenge plot all for that man to have a successful marriage and career. To have two kids and be perfectly fine. You did ALL that to feel like you were above it all.. only to be the grossest man I had ever dated.

I’d like to say, I’ve dated several and most I leave with fondness. The ones that leave sour tastes in my mouth always act like they were the bees knees. If I could erase the thought of ever speaking to you from my brain I would. I wasted time on you when I had other men who valued and cherished me for who I was. Not the alternative aesthetic a 14year old boy fell in love with.

You will always be and always have been a total creep.

Love Izzy

[onrainynights]

journal entry. June 26th 2023. this is what I'm glad to leave behind this year. (cw self harm and suicidal ideation)

I've been having a hard time over the past few weeks. despite having down time on the weekends, I find myself feeling similarly to back in middle and high school—dreading the next morning, pretending it's not going to happen, etc. On Friday I had a really bad meltdown at work and hurt myself. it was really dark. I thought I broke my hand. I found myself in a state of thinking the pain was good, that I needed it to stay composed, and would hit my hand hard again whenever I felt the pain—and my composure—fading. at one point I thought that if I'd had a knife, I would've stabbed myself with it.

mom didn't seem to care. she blamed me for it. it just made me feel worse. I needed this weekend to emotionally reset, and physically heal a bit, but now I just feel raw and horrible and like I'm back in 8th grade. a month ago I almost looked forward to work each day. now it's a nightmare. nobody prepared me for what it would become and now they're blaming me for being blindsided by it. part of me wants to just keep going out of spite, but another part doesn't know how I'm gonna eat lunch at his house every day and pretend like nothing is wrong. I think I'll take my lunch in the shop, at least for a little while. I don't think it's wise for me to force myself into social situations if it's not necessary. I'll need the time away from people to calm down.

I finally see the appeal of self-harm. it scares the shit out of me but it also made me feel so much better. the physical pain was like an emotional painkiller. not sure how that works, but it did.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to listen to music and podcasts tomorrow like nothing is wrong. what if roger wants to train me tomorrow. fuck. I don't wanna talk to him. I think I'd stutter if I tried.

I wish people didn't have to know me. I wanna be a stranger to everyone, always. I never wanna meet new people ever again. god. I was happy. I was so happy but it never lasts and now I'm worse than I've been in a while. I hate when I get back to this place. I wish people understood me. I wish I had something concrete I could point to as a reason why. but I don't. wish I could just break both my legs and be bedridden for months. I need therapy. but I don't have health insurance and I definitely can't afford to pay for therapy out of pocket. let alone actually get to appointments. teletherapy is still a hard no. can't risk anyone overhearing. I'd talk about her eventually and someone would hear and my life would blow up and that's the worst-case scenario. worse than a brain tumor and 6 months to live.

at least it'll be over soon. the work stress I mean. at soonest, early August will calm things down. at the latest, the job ends in October or November. at least come 2024 I'll know I'm never coming back to this hellhole. I'd rather go back to retail for less pay than have a repeat of the last week. and I don't know if worse is yet to come

maybe I'm being a bit superstitious but I don't think I'll ever say "I will" again when someone tells me to have a good day. it just seemed to backfire.

can't end the day disappointed if you don't start it with expectations of anything

The day is the day, can't be bad or good or nothing. It just is.

I wanna sleep for a year. I wanna not die but not live through what's coming for me. I feel like I did so long ago and I hate it. I hate this. Someone give me some god damn antidepressants or something. Everyone in this fucking family is medicated and therapized except for me, why am I the exception? why do I have to fend for myself when nobody ever taught me how? I think id be more stable if I was homeless. at least then I'd know never to expect anything good

And there it is again, the urge to run away. seems like the happy medium until I remember my family would worry and I'd have to get rid of my phone, and I'd have shit food, and who would take care of Henry if I was gone? nobody. and I couldn't take him with me.

I'd miss him and Bella to much

They're the reasons why I haven't done it yet

I think I'd have killed myself if not for that cat or that girl. he'd die without me, and my heart breaks at the thought of never seeing her grow up, of her never really knowing me. wouldn't even have a memory.

but how am I supposed to endure this? just the thought of going back makes me want to destroy myself. makes me want to be invisible again. I was invisible once. nobody knew or cared who I was or what I thought or what I could do. I was one of hundreds, unimportant, like a little ant in a whole colony. and here I am now just holding on to these routines I've built myself, tracks for my trolley to run on, grooves carved carefully and deliberately over time until they're so deep I can't climb out of them unless pulled out by something external—and when a vulture grips my shoulders and tumbles me out I can do nothing but watch and lash out but there's no one to hurt but myself, the vulture is gone, and I am broken by my own hand. I look ahead to my grooves and they've been destroyed, washed away by my tears, and I am starting over because I have no other choice. but my grooves are gone and so I don't know where to go or what to do. how did I make those grooves in the first place? what did I use? I used this shovel, I think, but I can't find it now. the vulture took it. I am back on flat ground where I began and I am lost. the vulture wants me to follow him, to fly, but I can't make new grooves in the sky. I need grooves. I need grooves. trolleys aren't supposed to fly. they'd crash and break and take people down with them. I'm not afraid. I just know better. I walk in a direction, I don't think it's the same one as before. I don't recognize that tree. but I keep walking until I'm back where I started. and then I keep going, tracing over my own footprints. and again. and again. and again and again and again again again again again and I walk in the grooves and I push my trolley with everything I need and everyone I love and it's ok, finally okay.

and then I remember the vulture.