#honestly stars have been going hard since the end of january

[lizeon]

ok between this

and this

and this

i am not gonna be able to think about anything else besides tempus for the next 48 hours

[motherismotheringggg]

rhythm & heat

summary: you and nicholas are co-stars in a fun and innocent PR relationship, the chemistry was already there so it just feels natural but something shifts when you, him and cast go out.

type: fem! reader x nicholas (i tried add some of Nicholas’ POV per my friend’s suggestion, it’ll be in red to stand out)

tags/warnings: 18+, fingering, oral (m! receiving), unprotected sex (wrap your willy yall) and creampie

author’s note: i’m having sooooo much fun writing again so thanks to everyone who’s been encouraging me to do it. i used to write in college and now that im 27 (almost 28 in january) it’s good to get back into it. i wanted to do something while im working on slow burn pt. 3 so i hope yall like it!!!!

🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩🪩

The bass pulsed through the club, sending ripples of heat and sound through the packed dance floor. Neon lights flickered overhead, casting an electric glow over the scene as bodies moved in sync with the music. The air was thick with anticipation, the kind that made everyone buzz with energy, like something wild could happen at any moment.

You and your co-star, Nicholas Chavez, were out celebrating the wrap of the second season—a well-deserved break after months of filming. The first season had been a hit, with fans and critics alike praising your performances and the chemistry you brought to your characters. And of course, that chemistry hadn’t gone unnoticed. Rumors about the two of you had been swirling since the first season, with fans speculating about what might be going on off-camera.

And they weren’t completely off. Your and Nicholas’s teams had decided that hinting at a romance would be the perfect, harmless way to build buzz for the next season. You weren’t usually one for gimmicks, but you both thought it’d be fun, and honestly, with the chemistry you two shared on screen, the idea didn’t feel far-fetched. Playing at “dating” off-screen just felt natural.

There were moments on set where the boundary between acting and reality seemed to blur. In one particularly intense scene, you and Nicholas’s character finished having sex and his hands roamed in a way that made sense for the character but caught you off guard, you leaned in to commit to the scene but you remember leaving the set that day with your heart fluttering.

Off set, at interviews and press events, the playful banter you shared made the rumors almost impossible to deny. During one red carpet appearance, when a reporter asked what Nicholas liked best about working with you, he leaned close and, in a low voice, said, “She makes me forget we’re acting.” The reporters loved it, and you could feel your cheeks warm under the spotlight.

Even your off-duty moments seemed to fuel the rumors. You remembered the night you and Nicholas went to see Sabrina Carpenter in concert and to avoid the crowds, you were escorted through hidden elevators in the arena. One of the elevators was especially small, so when you were pushed inside with security guards and crew, space was tight. Somehow, you ended up in the back corner, pressed chest to chest with Nicholas, his arm slipping around your waist to pull you closer.

When you joked about it later, he laughed, claiming he was just “making room” for everyone. But you couldn’t ignore the way his hand lingered at your waist during the two-minute ride—or how, when you shifted to get more comfortable, you felt his hardness through his jeans.

There were countless other moments and with another press run coming up, it just felt like you were still both “in character” all the time but for tonight, you just wanted to dance, let loose, and get ready for another thrilling media cycle. You, Nicholas and a few costars decided to go out to a boiler room club in the city. None of you had planned on playing into the rumors tonight, but as the crowd grew, Nicholas slipped into “boyfriend” mode without a second thought. His hand found your waist, guiding you through the crowd; he held your hand, lingered close, and let his touches drift to intimate places whenever you danced or laughed together.

The night felt electric. Drinks flowed freely, adding a warm edge to the pulsing bass that reverberated through the walls and floor. Your group had claimed a private section overlooking the dance floor, with a perfect view of the swirling neon lights below. Fans would catch glimpses of you and the cast, looking up with wide smiles, waving, and cheering to show their love. Some even made heart shapes with their hands or mouthed “We love you” as they danced. Every now and then, Nicholas would slide his arm around your waist, pulling you close for a quick fan photo or to lean in as he spoke over the music, his breath grazing your ear.

Nicholas could hardly keep his eyes off you. Even in the chaos of the club, you stood out—like a spark in the dark, drawing him in. The energy around you, the way you moved, the way you threw back your head to laugh at something your friend said… it made his chest feel tight. He’d been watching you for a while now, unable to shake the feeling that tonight was different.

At first, it was all casual, harmless fun. But as the night wore on and the drinks kept coming, you couldn’t help but notice a shift. Nicholas’s touches lingered a little longer, his fingers resting at your waist even when the picture was done or the conversation had shifted. The way he looked at you changed too—his gaze softened, his words slower, and his attention focused entirely on you, despite the crowd around you both.

When the group began to dance, he stayed close, his hand brushing yours, fingers grazing along your arm, almost as if testing the waters. As the music thumped, he moved nearer, his chest pressing lightly against your back, his hand slipping down to rest at your hip. Every touch, every shared laugh, felt charged, and you could feel the tension building in each small gesture. You’d been close to him before, but this was different—the alcohol, the music, the night itself seemed to bring out something more raw.

His thoughts became a blur of want, fueled by the subtle way your lips parted as you looked up at him. The pull was irresistible, drawing him closer as he traced his fingers along the small of your back, letting his thumb graze your hip in a possessive but tender gesture. He was intoxicated, not just by the alcohol but by you, by the way you felt so effortlessly right in his arms.

As you danced, his heartbeat quickened, his breaths shallow and erratic. He wondered if you knew what you were doing to him—how just being close to you made it feel impossible to think straight. Every touch, every whisper, was like fuel to a fire that had been smoldering since the moment he’d met you. He couldn't ignore it any longer, the way you’d somehow slipped beneath his skin. He wanted all of you—the quick wit, the mischievous grin, the soft vulnerability he saw in your eyes in quieter moments on set. And tonight, he wanted you in a way that left no room for pretense or careful boundaries.

You two were dancing face to face, the music vibrating through your chest as you moved in sync. Nicholas leaned down, his lips brushing against your ear, the warmth of his breath sending a jolt of heat through your body. His voice was low and smooth, a touch playful, as he whispered, “How’s my girl feeling tonight?”

His hands slid down to your waist, pulling you in closer, pressing your bodies together as if there was any space left between you two. You could feel the solid muscle of his chest against yours, the strength in his arms as they wrapped around you, grounding you in the moment. The heat of his touch lingered where his fingers gently grazed the curve of your waist, sending a wave of electricity through your skin.

You were attracted to Nicholas, no doubt about it. Up close, he was all intense, striking features that seemed made for this low, pulsing light. His deep-set brown eyes held a mischievous spark, the kind that always kept you guessing and a little on edge, even when the cameras weren’t rolling. His jawline was sharp, almost sculpted, and as he looked down at you, the soft stubble along it caught the neon glow, adding an edge to his otherwise boyish charm.

As you looked up, his tousled dark hair fell a bit across his forehead, framing his face in a way that softened his piercing gaze. His lips, full and inviting, curled into a subtle smirk as he looked at you, as though he knew exactly what kind of effect he had. You felt his fingers shift at your waist, his thumb tracing small, almost hypnotic circles against your hip, bringing a flush to your skin.

Despite the undeniable attraction, you hesitated to lean into whatever Nicholas was offering. Playing “relationship” was fun, but you knew getting involved with a co-star was a risky move. You flashed him a playful smirk, your voice teasing as you responded, “Your co-star is doing fine.” You took a small step back, creating just enough space to break the intensity between you two. But it wasn’t enough to stop the flirtation—you secretly hoped he’d pull you right back in.

He wasn’t having any of it. “Stop playing with me,” Nicholas groaned, his voice taking on that low, almost dangerous tone you couldn’t ignore. He leaned back down, his face just inches from yours, his breath hot against your skin. “You know I want you.”

His words sent a thrill coursing through you, the heat of his breath making your pulse race. Despite the hesitation, you could feel your body betraying you, urging you to close the space between you two again. His head lingered by your ear, his lips brushing against your skin, just barely a touch, sending a spark through you. Before you could pull back, his lips grazed the sensitive spot near your neck, planting soft, lingering “innocent” kisses.

The kisses were feather-light, almost teasing, yet each one felt like a jolt of electricity. They were gentle but purposeful, just enough to make your knees weaken and your womanhood tremble. His closeness, the warmth of his skin against yours, was intoxicating, and with every soft kiss, you found yourself craving more.

With a few sharp breaths and low moans, he knew he had you. The sound of his name on your lips, barely above a whisper, was all the confirmation he needed. You tilted your head to the side, offering him your neck, giving him full access to your skin. His hands, on your waist, pulling you even closer, his body flush against yours.

He didn’t hold back. His lips moved with confidence now, kissing the delicate curve of your neck with more urgency. Each kiss was deeper and more insistent, the pressure of his mouth leaving a trail of heat and need in its wake. His tongue darted out, tracing the sensitive skin beneath your ear, sending a shiver of desire straight through your body.

You could feel him smiling against your skin, sensing the way your body responded to his touch—how you instinctively leaned into him, drawn to the heat between you. His hands, bold and sure, roamed lower, the pads of his fingers grazing the curve of your back, sending a shiver of pleasure through you. The sensation was soft at first but quickly turned more intense, his touch growing bolder, more confident with each passing second. Every moment between you two felt like a slow burn, the anticipation building as his lips trailed over the sensitive skin of your neck, leaving a trail of warmth in their wake.

Then, when he shifted, you felt it—his hardness brushing against your thigh. The contact sent a wave of heat straight through you, an electric shock that heightened every nerve in your body. It was enough to make your pulse race, enough to make you realize how much you wanted him in that moment.

Without thinking, you reached down, your fingers gently grazing over the fabric of his pants, feeling the outline of him. The pressure of his body against yours, the growing heat between you two, made you want more—made you want to make him feel just as desperate for you as you felt for him.

You could feel the quickening of his breath, the way his chest rose and fell against yours. A low groan rumbled from his throat as you continued to trace his length, every brush of your fingers sending a thrill through both of you. His hands tightened around your waist, pulling you even closer, as though he couldn’t get enough of you either.

Without another moment passing, Nicholas grabbed your hand, his fingers tight around yours, pulling you through the crowded space. He moved with purpose, guiding you down the secret hallway the cast used to get into the club, away from the prying eyes and flashing lights. Each step seemed to quicken the pulse between you, the anticipation building with every turn. You felt his grip firm on your hand, but also the heat radiating off him, as though he couldn't wait any longer.

With just a few more steps, you found yourselves in the private dead-end hallway. It was dim, secluded—perfectly private. Before you could process what was happening, Nicholas had you pressed up against the cold wall, his body pinning you in place. The urgency in his movements left no room for hesitation as he slammed his lips onto yours, the kiss fierce, demanding. His mouth claimed yours with a hunger that mirrored your own, lips moving against each other as if he couldn’t get enough.

His hands weren’t idle either. One moved to your waist, gripping you tightly as if to keep you exactly where he wanted you, while the other traveled lower, finding its way to the waistband of your panties. His touch was deliberate and heated, and in an instant, his hand slipped beneath the fabric. His fingers brushed the sensitive skin just above them, the contact sending a shock of heat straight through you.

You gasped into his mouth, the electricity of his touch overwhelming, making every part of you ache for more. His fingers continued to tease, moving with slow, deliberate pressure, testing the limits of your restraint. He continued to rub and massage your sweet spot while you moaned and squirmed against his kiss. He pulled away just enough to watch you under his power.

From his vantage, you were a vision—utterly captivating in every response. He loved the way your eyes fluttered closed, only to open halfway, trying to find his gaze but faltering under the intense pleasure he was giving you. The way your teeth sank into your lip, trying to hold back the sounds you couldn’t suppress, only spurred him on. Each flick of his fingers brought a fresh wave of moans and whines, soft and breathy, laced with his name in barely-contained pleas. Hearing you beg him to take things further, to lose himself with you completely, made him feel invincible. He knew he had you right where he wanted, and he was savoring every moment.

You planted one last, deep kiss on his lips before sinking to your knees in front of him, never breaking eye contact. Nicholas’ gaze darkened, his breath catching slightly as he watched you with a mixture of anticipation and hunger. Your hands moved with urgency, unbuckling his belt and undoing his pants, your fingers grazing over the heat radiating from his body. As you freed him, he let out a soft groan, his gaze fixed on you, filled with both awe and impatience.

His hands instinctively found their way to your hair, tangling in it gently as you looked up at him, the connection between you electric and unspoken. The way he was watching you—intense, with a mix of excitement and restraint—made your pulse race. His pupils were dilated, his breathing uneven, and you could see the anticipation building in his expression as he waited, every part of him attuned to your next move.

As you leaned closer, he tightened his grip, his fingers brushing against your scalp, guiding you but letting you set the pace. You started slow, savoring every moment, every reaction, feeling his muscles tense and hearing his breaths turn to low, needy moans. His chest rose and fell heavily as he fought to keep control, his head tilting back slightly as he surrendered to your touch, murmuring your name in a rough, breathy tone that only made you want him more.

Every time you paused to swirl your tongue around his tip, Nicholas' whole body tensed, his breathing turning shallow as he let out a low, drawn-out hiss. The sound of your name on his lips, mixed with whispered curses, filled the air. He couldn’t help himself, alternating between breathless moans and deep, husky praises. “God, you’re such a good girl,” he murmured, his voice filled with a raw, admiring intensity. “You look so beautiful taking me like this.”

With each word, his grip in your hair tightened just enough to keep you where he wanted. His hands were steady, yet you could feel the slight tremor in his fingers as his need for you grew. Finally, he held your head in both hands, his gaze locked on yours, guiding you with a slow, deliberate motion. He pushed himself deeper, filling your mouth as his hips rocked in rhythm, pressing him to the back of your throat. The sounds escaping him were desperate yet controlled, each ragged breath carrying his satisfaction.

“Look at me, baby,” he whispered, his voice dropping to a breathy, gruff murmur, thick with desire. “Let me see those pretty eyes.” His gaze was commanding yet filled with an undeniable admiration, and as you met his eyes, he let out a deep, shuddering breath, fully captivated by the sight of you. The connection between you was intense, wordlessly conveying his appreciation for everything you were giving him, every shiver and sigh pulling him closer to the edge.

Your throat tightened slightly as you tried to take all of him, a small gag escaping despite your best efforts. Nicholas chuckled softly, a low, satisfied sound, and his hand moved to gently tap your cheek, his thumb brushing over your skin with a subtle affection that made your heart race. “That’s my girl,” he murmured, pride evident in his tone.

His hands slid down to your shoulders, pulling you up to meet him, and the moment your lips touched, he captured you in a deep, consuming kiss. It was passionate, full of hunger and appreciation, and he groaned against your mouth, relishing in the taste of you. He leaned his forehead against yours, his eyes filled with a soft, smoldering intensity. “You did so good, baby,” he whispered, his voice rough yet tender. “You looked so perfect, taking me in… just like I always knew you could.”

Each word sent a wave of warmth through you, and his hands stayed on your hips, grounding you, his gaze never straying from yours. He ran a thumb over your bottom lip, still swollen from your efforts, his gaze filled with both desire and genuine admiration as he traced your features, savoring every moment and every breath shared between you.

Nicholas could feel the anticipation radiating off you, your body responding to his every touch and move. He knew just how much you wanted him, and he wanted to give you everything you craved. With deliberate slowness, he turned you around, pressing you gently forward. His hands slid up your thighs as he lifted the hem of your dress, savoring the soft, heated skin beneath. In one fluid motion, he pulled down your panties, his lips still trailing along your neck and shoulders, leaving a trail of warm, lingering kisses that made your breath quicken. He groaned into your ear, his voice low and thick with desire, reveling in the way your back arched, your body silently pleading for more.

“I wanna make you feel so good,” he murmured, his breath hot against your ear. His hands roamed over your hips as he positioned himself behind you, letting his tip trace over your folds, teasing you until you were trembling in his grasp. The first sensation of him entering you made your breath catch, a shudder running through both of you as he filled you, slow and deep. You instinctively moved in sync, bodies finding a perfect rhythm, every thrust sending a wave of pleasure through you.

Nicholas buried his face in the crook of your neck, his breath coming in rough, heated gasps as he lost himself in the moment, savoring every pulse and movement of your body against his. You reached back, threading your fingers into his hair, giving it a gentle tug, and he let out a breathless whimper—a sound that only made you ache for him more. His need to be in control fueled you, but there was something thrilling in the way he let you pull him back, every now and then, giving you the slightest taste of control.

You guided one of his hands from your hip, pressing it down between your legs. He understood immediately, his fingers finding and massaging that sensitive spot, adding another layer of intensity to your connection. He quickly obliged, his touch skilled and deliberate, and you felt yourself unraveling under the dual sensations, every nerve heightened, every thought fading into pure, unfiltered bliss.

Nicholas’s pace quickened, and with every movement, he brought an intensity that made you lose yourself further with each second. His hands roamed your body, seeking out every place that could make you unravel under his touch. One moment he’d slap your ass, and in the next, his fingers wrapped around your neck, adding a delicious pressure that only heightened the sensations. He reached between your legs, his fingers brushing against your heat, before gently tilting your head, exposing more of your neck so he could plant hungry, open-mouthed kisses there. The air around you both grew hotter, more electric, and you could feel that familiar pressure building, bringing you both to the brink.

He leaned into your ear, his voice thick with need, a hint of desperation woven into it. “I want to cum for you, baby,” he breathed. “Tell me how bad you want it.”

Your voice came out in a shaky whisper, overcome by the sensations he was giving you. “Let’s do it together. I’m so close,” you pleaded, feeling yourself hovering right at the edge. His thrusts stayed steady but powerful, his head buried against your neck, breaths hitching and moans deepening. His grip on your hips tightened, guiding your body to match his rhythm perfectly, every stroke hitting deeper, more intense.

Nicholas, always the performer, could feel just how close you were, but he wanted to hear it. His voice was a low, teasing growl. “Tell me how much you want me, baby,” he commanded. “Tell me how good this feels… tell me who you belong to.” With each demand, his movements became more forceful, every stroke making you lose control a bit more.

He was close too, a raw intensity filling each thrust, and just before the finish, he grabbed a handful of your hair, pulling your head back to make sure he felt every shudder of your response.

“Are you ready, baby?” he gasped, his tone shaky as he was right on the edge. You tried to say his name, but the feeling was so intense, it came out as a breathless, pleading sound. You nodded, barely able to form words as your body responded, every nerve lit up as you both finally reached your climax.

As he spilled into you, the sensation sent waves of warmth through your entire body, making you moan out, your voice just barely above a whisper but full of satisfaction. Your body shuddered, every nerve still singing from the overwhelming release.

Even as you tried to catch your breath, he gave you a few more slow, teasing thrusts, drawing out every last tremor until you were completely undone. Each lingering movement kept you in the moment, his body still pressed firmly against yours, leaving you weak and trembling beneath him.

A satisfied smirk played across his lips as he felt you react, your legs shaking as his hands traveled slowly up your sides, grounding you through the aftershocks. He murmured in your ear, his voice low and full of pride, "You’re so fucking hot when you cum...just like I always imagined" His fingers traced gentle circles along your waist, savoring how soft you felt under his touch.

With a final, breathless sigh, you turned to face him, pressing your forehead to his as he caught his breath, his thumb grazing softly over your cheek.You both stayed like that, basking in the warmth between you, as he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, leaving soft kisses along your shoulder and neck, his way of savoring every last moment.

[tenebraevesper]

Fearless: Year of Shadow (Happy New Year 2025!)

So, Fearless: Year of Shadow, the year of fearlessness, confidence, innovation, has finally come to an end... or has it?

Before I elaborate, I want to say that I absolutely enjoyed everything this year had to offer in terms of entertainment, ranging from various merch, to video games like Sonic X Shadow Generations, to videos like the TailsTube episode ''Between Two Hedgehogs'' and the Sonic X Shadow: Dark Beginnings episodes, to comics and manga like The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog, to the Sonic X Shadow Takeover, to the Sonic the Hedgehog 3 movie, which also served as the grand finale to this amazing year.

Oh, and the Sonadow stuff - we can't forget that, can we?

Honestly, it's hard to put into words just how much I absolutely loved this year and the content we've gotten, and that I feel a bit sad that it's slowly coming to an end. Nevertheless, I made a lot of awesome memories and that's the most important thing.

Still, even if 2024 has come to an end, I don't believe that Year of Shadow is going to end with it, especially since we're not done yet with everything that has been announced for the celebration.

To remind you, Year of Shadow was officially announced on April 9th, so technically we still have three months left. (¬‿¬ )

But, if you don't care about the calendar, I would like to point out that we still have more Year of Shadow content waiting for us in 2025.

For starters, there is the DC X Sonic the Hedgehog collaboration written by Ian Flynn, coming March 2025. I know that it's not explicitly Shadow-centered content, but it was announced this year and Shadow is one of the featured characters.

Then, there is the still ongoing The Jet Black Hedgehog: Shadow the Hedgehog manga, written by Yuki Imada in promotion of Sonic X Shadow Generations. It is currently at 4 Chapters, with Chapter 5 coming out in January 2025.

Next, we have the recently announced IDW Sonic one-shot comic starring Shadow the Hedgehog, titled Sonic the Hedgehog: Chasing Shadows and coming out March 26th 2025.

While it wasn't part of Year of Shadow, we also had the announcement of the game Sonic Racing: CrossWorlds, with the teaser featuring Shadow.

Lastly, I'm fairly certain that people will still be going to the cinemas to watch Sonic the Hedgehog 3 in January, considering how it's a masterpiece of a movie.

Rest assured, I'm looking forward to what the next year is going to bring us!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2025!!

☆*:.｡.o(≧▽≦)o.｡.:*☆

[mylittleredgirl]

Actually revising my last ask to all #s that haven't been answered yet (I agree that answering all livejournal style looks fun!)

i should have seen this ask first and spared everyone the many posts! thank you for enabling me <3

1. How many fics have you worked on since January?

12 fics posted, and 12 unfinished fics. not the worst ratio??

2. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

it was very big and brave of me to post fic for m*a*s*h without having seen the whole series first

3. What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

babylon 5, although you wouldn't know it to look at my finished ao3 works.

5. What ships captured your heart?

same b5 topic, this is the first time since puberty that i can remember going into fully feral otp mode with a non-romantic pairing (sinclair & delenn). screaming crying freeze-framing, the whole deal. it's so embarrassing of me that i don't even want them to fuck.

7. Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

m*a*s*h <3 and ship-wise, sheridan/delenn and mirror trip/t'pol.

10. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

WELL since a full half of my fics were posted 1 minute before the deadline (i wish i were exaggerating), the primary emotion involved was relief that the page loaded before the hour ticked over, but i worked soooo unnecessarily hard on Placed Among the Stars (stargate atlantis, sheppard/weir) and felt like i hit all the notes that it was the most satisfying to finish i think (even though i had more and it was going to be much longer -- hopefully a sequel this year!).

11. What fic was the most difficult to write?

Desert Fire (enterprise, mirror trip/t'pol). i thought i was going to have to download tinder to remember how sex works.

12. What fic was the easiest to write?

Difficulty: Advanced (stargate atlantis, sheppard/weir)

13. What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

longest was Desert Fire (7500 words), shortest was Evenly Matched (x-files, msr, 1700 words)

14. What were your go-to writing songs?

i somehow wrote so many fics themed around stars that i ended up with a songs-about-stars playlist. (favorite of the bunch is Stars Will Align by kygo & imagine dragons)

15. What was the hardest fic to title?

there were a couple real weak ones in the mix this year, the weakest being The Long, Dark Night (the x-files, doggett/reyes). like come on girl!

i listened to every possible song i could find with "stars" in the title to eventually run out of time and choose and at the center, just you and me (stargate atlantis, sheppard/weir, title from "stars fell on alabama"), but i'm happy with that now!

16. What's your favorite title of the year?

a road with no wrong turns (voyager, janeway/chakotay) because the line "the future is a road with no wrong turns" came to me first and then i write a fic that would let me use it.

17. Share your favorite opening line

none of them really nail it honestly! of the choices available, "It doesn't happen often." intriguing at least?

18. Share your favorite ending line

[redacted while fic is anonymous]

20. Share your funniest line

oh noooo when i couldn't think of one i went back through my works page and i haven't written a humor fic since 2022. the only thing i can think about is this little exchange because i smile when i picture it (keiko & molly on ds9):

“I didn’t know about that yet. We still lived on the Enterprise.” “Oh, of course.” Molly sighs so dramatically that Keiko has to pinch her lips to hold back a smile. “The Enterprise.”

22. What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

i'm a basic microsoft word girlie, bravely writing fic with a software license owned by my employer

23. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

people enjoying my m*a*s*h fic! i still get nervous whenever i enter a new fandom <3

24. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

no, the very act of surviving a deadline is celebration enough. go outside? get some sleep??

25. How did you recharge between fics?

i almost always watch episodes of whatever fandom i'm going to write next to charge up before writing fic. we'll pretend it's not procrastination and just that i must become one with the character voices before i can proceed.

26. Did you create fanworks other than fic?

just a few tumblr creations, my favorite of which was an attempt at web-weaving (i am become a name; sinclair & delenn) and a recent meta post i'm proud of about chakotay and starfleet.

27. How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

nine exchanges!

i answered all the other questions, but in looking at my stats i realized i am at 45k words for the year, so maybe by the end of 2024 i can make it to 50k... probably not though!

full ask list is rebloggable here

[coffeeandbatboys]

I feel like I gotta tell the story abt how me and my bestest guy friend (we are not dating whatsoever we are like siblings) met and then the crap that's happened to us since then. Because everytime I think about it it makes me feel so happy.

So in 2020 of course all kinds of stuff was going down. I was dealing with the loss of my Grandpa in January and not doing it very well. And one fine summer day this new kid shows up at church. We ended up arguing about the stars on the American flag (I don't remember who won) and then we talked and realized that we had 2 things in common.

Fantasy books and Nintendo games.

Over the next few months we became friends and started hanging out more often. We did a lot of stuff during Christmas and honestly had the time of our lives.

February of 2021 he starts having heart issues which freaked me out. Like, I cried when he told me he had a heart monitor (I was dumb and didn't think much back then) but thank God they went away on their own.

We did a lot of fun stuff during the summer like our pastor and his wife took a bunch of the youth group kids to Arizona Grand Hotel (not in a weird way just a retreat).

2022 this kid dresses up as a literal Christmas Elf and slays so hard. (Twas for a thing called angel tree basically kids who's parents are in prison get gifts from people who sponsor the kid). I was also an elf but didn't have as fancy of a costume.

2023 he gets a job at a grill in town which takes up most of his time, but he was able to squeeze in a trip to Prescott for a youth leadership conference.

(Christian stuff is mentioned here)

I had a moment during a worship service there where I absolutely broke down crying. Like ugly crying. When I got back to where we were sitting he was ready with a hug and that was when we realized that we might be really close friends. After that there was another worship service and he got up there with me and it was just really cool.

Over the summer we became more like brother and sister, (there were a lot of water gun fights this year)

And the last couple of weeks have been rough for both of us definitely.

But we've finally acknowledged that were best friends.

We've got each others backs.

And if anyone has any tall jokes pleaaseeee send them to me so I can counteract the short jokes he makes.

We are like Natasha and Clint, respectively.

Only NOBODY is dying young.

[incarnadinedreams]

Getting to Know You - Tag Game

Oh yay, got tagged in a thingy!!! Exciting!!! Thanks @twilightarc-gm

Answer these questions and then tag nine people you want to get to know better.

1. Three ships: Ships that I consistently read in 2022-23

Gosh this one's hard because I still tend to revisit older/slowed down fandoms from time to time... and also am definitely a multishipper for most characters I like.

Since I've been wholly consumed by MDZS/Jiang Cheng brainrot right now it's mostly some flavor of Jiang Cheng/Happiness. I'm definitely an 'AllCheng, AnyCheng, NoCheng, WhateverCheng' enjoyer.

By volume (by availability on Ao3) that means ChengQing, Xicheng, Sangcheng, ChengXian but I'm down for others like ChengSu and ChengNing and various other configurations too! Somewhat limited by being mostly a novel fan so pairings that tend to be heavily based in CQL canon don't always resonate with me as much.

For non-JC ships I've recently gotten way more interested in Xiyao

Outside MDZS I've been occasionally hitting up some old favorites in less active fandoms like HakYona from Akatsuki no Yona, RoyAi & LingFan & AlMei (FMA), Reylo (Star Wars), Shadolin ot3 (Stormlight Archive), NejiTen (rip lol - Naruto... this is again a remnant of long ago, from the manga-is-still-being-published days... but if I stumble across one of them these days I'll still have a go)

2. First ship: probably Ling/Lan Fan or Roy Mustang/Riza Hawkeye (Fullmetal Alchemist)? Orrrr maybe Kyouraku Shunsui/Ise Nanao in Bleach (with the caveat that I was really into it when the manga was just the Soul Society arc (because I'm old) and not. Uh. Later. When uh. Yeah. Information from much much later in the manga killed that ship for me but you know. Thems the breaks. I'd already dropped the manga ages before that info was released so it was a bit of a shock when something stumbled across my path about it!)

3. Last song listened: "Woodbine" by Windhand playing currently!

4. Last movie watched: This was surprisingly hard to answer - I couldn't remember! I usually end up watching shows/miniseries or documentaries rather than regular movies.

5. Currently watching: I've been catching up the most recent season of the Great British Baking Show!

6. Currently reading: Oooh this is a loaded question... my 'currently reading' pile is too big... currently working my way through what volumes I have of the TGCF and 2HA official translations. Also rereading MDZS slowly and taking notes, just started that recently even though I'd planned to read all this over the holidays... and here we are, almost the end of January...

For non-danmei, 'The Goblin Emperor' by Katherine Addison which I'm struggling to get into/stick with which is surprising given the outstanding reviews/raving I see for it. I'm also somewhere in the middle of 'House of Chains' in the Malazan Book of the Fallen series but that's been lingering for a while now... not sure if that's a currently reading or an oopsie at this point...

7. Currently consuming: Mint tea while thinking about what I want for lunch! It's 2:40pm but I'm also lazy so I'll probably still be thinking about it an hour from now...

8. Currently craving: Honestly I have the biggest craving for some good bbq ribs, baked beans and potato salad but am also way too lazy to go grocery shopping + crank up the smoker (especially because it's just above freezing and rainy today!)...

[firstdegreefangirl]

January 2023 Reading Wrap-Up

I'm trying something new this year, where I make little mini-reviews for the books I read and share them at the end of the month. There might be a few spoilers, but I'm not dissecting plots here, and it's all for good fun and games. Summaries will be up here, breakdowns by book will be under the drop.

Let me know if there's anything that caught your eye/that you enjoyed too/that made your TBR!

Here we go!

Total books read: 10 

Total pages read: 3,103 

Days read: 29/31 

Average star rating: 3.93 

Challenge Prompts Filled: 5 total. Popsugar: 2/40. Romanceopoly: 2/36. CRAD: 1/12. 

How to Keep House While Drowning by K.C. Davis  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I don’t want to be the person who’s all “this self-help book changed my life,” but … this self-help book changed my life. For the first time since I moved out, I wouldn’t be mortified if someone dropped by unannounced, and it feels like keeping my house functional is actually something I can achieve. This book helped me break down tasks and changed the rhetoric I use for household upkeep to break the shame cycles that people have around disorganization. It wasn’t really the plan to make this the first book I read, but I knocked it out in like three hours on New Year’s Day, and it’s left me convinced that this is the year I might finally be able to make my space something that works for me. Biggest takeaway: My space should work for me, I should not work for my space. 

Built to Last by Erin Hahn  ⭐⭐⭐(¾)  This was cute! I picked it up from the new additions shelf at my local library because the cover was cute (sue me, I judge books by their covers, blame the Legally Blonde Musical, but I digress). It’s second-chance friends to lovers, but I loved learning how Shelby and Cameron find their ways back to each other. The only reason I didn’t rate it higher is because I don’t think I’d read it again. It was fun, I liked it a lot, but it’s not something that’s going to stick with me forever and ever, y’know? 

Challenge Prompt: Romanceopoly Amour Avenue (read a contemporary romance with an illustrated cover) 

Playing the Palace by Paul Rudnick  ⭐⭐⭐(¼)  I found this at my favorite Salvation Army store while I was Christmas shopping last month (and no, the irony of finding a gay romance novel at SA is not lost on me) and left it at a Little Free Library after I finished reading. The writing was good, the story checked out, but it didn’t hook me quite as well as some of the other books I’ve read in a similar vein. Prince Edgar was delightful, the Queen was by FAR my favorite part of the book, but Carter grated on my nerves in a few places. Overall, glad to have knocked it off my TBR, and I hope that whoever picks it up next loves it more than I did.  

 The Wedding Crasher by Mia Sosa  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  I’m so glad that I finally got through to reading this book! Given that I pre-ordered for release day last year, it’s been a hot minute, but here we are. I read and adored the prequel (The Worst Best Man) and was excited to hear there’d be another book in the series, but I kept putting it off because I was afraid it wouldn’t live up to the hype I’d created for myself. I was wrong; it absolutely did. This was laugh-out-loud funny in places, and sure made a few night shifts go by faster. I read close to half of it in the first sitting, right after I finished PtP, and surprised both my trainee and my GM by the fact that I can actually read overnight without falling asleep, especially for hours at a time. I dunno, it’s hard to fall asleep when the books are this riveting.  

Challenge Prompt: Chantel Reads All Day January (a book with ‘a’ or ‘the’ in the title) 

Straightforward by Martin Parnell  ⭐⭐(¾)  Honestly I’m still not sure if I liked this one or not, so I know I didn’t like it well enough to be any more than three stars. I got the eBook for free, because I was intrigued by the overarching question: Can a straight country cowboy and an effervescent gay man be friends? The first third-ish dragged on, then I read the last 2/3 in a single sitting, finishing at 5 a.m. curled up in bed because all of a sudden I was dying to know how it ended. I … didn’t love the ending, at least at first (unrequited love isn’t usually my thing, but the ending wasn’t inherently unhappy), but I keep thinking about if I liked it or not, so maybe I do? I don’t know. It wasn’t what I expected, and the writing style wasn't remarkable. It felt like the story might have been building toward a plot twist that never came, but the ending did feel tied down and well rounded. I loved that Cowboy Ty’s first sentence was “Goddammit! Shit piss motherfucker hell goddammit!” if only because that feels so relatable for many days in my own life.  

Ship Wrecked by Olivia Dade  ⭐⭐(½)  I didn’t enjoy this. You might, but it wasn’t for me. I wanted to like it, but I didn’t. The writing style is fine, the story was … alright, I suppose, but I didn’t like the characters. Again, to each their own, but I was irritated with both MC’s by the middle of the story, and almost DNF’d 60 pages from the end.  

The Line Becomes a River by Francisco Cantu  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(½)  I wanted a break from contemp romance after the last two books, so I turned to the nonfic section on my shelf, and I’ve been meaning to read this for literally over a year. It was one of the books I put in my “$5 for anything that fits in this bag” library sale bag in fall of 2021, and sounded like an interesting take on immigration policies. This book made me cry, openly, at work, in front of my trainee, at 5 a.m.. It’s that good, that moving. There were definitely some parts that changed my perspective on policy issues, and I’m wholeheartedly recommending it to anyone looking for firsthand accounts of the government side of border policies. Even if it’s a little outdated, it definitely gave me some things to think about. 

Josh and Hazel’s Guide to Not Dating by Christina Lauren  ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐  23 ½ hour read time. I was hooked by the first page, and spent most of the first sitting trying to decide if I should keep reading to find out what happens next or slow down so I could savor it all. Ended up reading over half of it the first time, and finishing it on my shift the next night. This was the first I’ve read by Christina Lauren, but if it’s all this good, I’ll definitely be back for more. Hands down the funniest book I’ve read all year. Toward the end, we brushed up a little bit against one of the tropes I generally don’t much care for, but CL handled it beautifully and it ended up making a beautiful, heartfelt wrap-up. This year, the goal is to unshelf books I own if I don’t see myself reading them a second time, but I’d made up my mind on keeping this one before I finished the prologue. There’s no WAY I won’t be rereading!  

Challenge Prompt: Popsugar – A book that you think your best friend would like 

The Boardwalk Bookshop by Susan Mallery  ⭐⭐⭐⭐(½)  Honestly, I’m not even sure why I picked this one up when I did. I ordered it from BookDepository AGES ago (the UK cover is prettier than the US one, and I’ll die on this hill), but then it got put on my shelf and left to ferment. But like a fine wine (a theme in the book), it was fantastic when I finally cracked it open. I wasn’t sure how I’d like a story balancing three romances across one plot, but everyone’s story was riveting in its own way and they fit together so well! 40 pages from the end, I said out loud “there’s no way they’ll be able to resolve everything,” but I was so wrong. Three for three on the HAE, which is exactly how I take my romance novels, with a hearty dose of friendship and family dynamics along the way. Susan Mallery has long been one of my favorite authors, and this was a friendly reminder of exactly why.  

No Mercy (A Valerie Law FBI Suspense Thriller - Book One) by Blake Pierce  ⭐⭐⭐  Thrillers aren’t usually so much my thing, but I like reading outside of my usual taste, and I was looking for something short to round out the month. This is under 200 pages, and the FBI element sparked my fancy, since I am a huge fan of crime dramas. It was … alright? Not painful to read, by any means, but it fell a little flat for me in places. Maybe the rest of the series will pick up, but I don’t think I’m curious enough to find out. That said, there are worse things I could have spent three days reading. 

Challenge Prompts: Popsugar – The shorted book (by pages) on your TBR); Romanceopoly Slueth Street (read a thriller or mystery where one of the main characters are a detective or private investigator) 

DNF: Our First Puck by Kat Obie 

[stardustandash]

How many fics have you worked on since January?

Worked on about 55? I think? Its hard to calculate as I posted whumptober and febuwhump as individual stories but they exist in one doc each on my computer. I've worked on 6 fics that are either as of yet unposted, unprinted in a zine, or just lost unfinished limbo (I need to work on my merrin-focused post nur fic omg)

2. What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

I guess I've tried to play more with present vs past tense, and finishing multichapter fics before posting. Did try out a time loop for the first time during whumptober and had fun with that!

3. What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

I feel like Star Wars is the pretty obvious answer, though right at the end of the year here comes Dragon Age with a steel chair after 4 years of not really being involved in the fandom

4. How many fandoms did you write for this year?

Seven, I think! Jedi Fallen Order & Survivor, The Bad Batch, Dragon Age Inquisition & Veilguard, FFXV, FFXVI, Horizon Zero Dawn & Forbidden West, and Twisted Wonderland

5. What ships captured your heart?

As a gen writer its rare for ships to catch me, but thank you Veilguard for giving me Rook x Harding, and M!Rook x Emmrich. (Not a fan of F!Rook x Emmrich sorry yall)

7. What characters captured your heart?

As always Cal remains number 1 in my heart. I love him so much, along with the whole Mantis crew <3 For new this year, I am bewitched body and soul by the Veilguard crew. The writers were cooking with all of them, they're all amazing!!

8. Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

...Does Veilguard count lol? For new fandoms I wrote one FFXVI fic early in the year.

I've got two fics for Rook x Harding and one wip for Rook x Emmrich as new ships!

9. What fic meant the most to you to write?

That's a hard question!! I think I poured a lot of my own personal emotional anguish into a lot of the fics I wrote this year. It's been a rough year for many reasons, and writing out all that angsty hurt/comfort helped a lot

10. What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

I think finishing 'what makes a family' was honestly one of the best feelings ever! And the fact that I still get comments on it from time to time about people binge-reading it.

11. What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

I guess I could go with the above, but actually completing whumptober was pretty satisfying.

12. What fic was the most difficult to write?

'i do not love the bright sword for its sharpness' is at the top of this pile. i think about it constantly but actually writing it is proving super difficult, and it remains unfinished...

13. What fic was the easiest to write?

The one for the Pabu Days zine!! I wrote the first draft in just over an hour, and it was about 1k too many words lol

14. What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

of the ones written entirely in this year, 'take a breath before the plunge' wins with its 11k words. If we count just completed this year, 'what makes a family' wins at just shy of 70k

The shortest was one of the whumptober fics, 'where flesh and metal meet'

15. What were your go-to writing songs?

The Horizon games' soundtracks! Less of a song list, but there's too many to put in here.

What was the hardest fic to title?

...all of them. Titling things is the hardest part of writing fics

16. What's your favorite title of the year?

Love and Blood Both Run Red, or maybe Cold But For Your Company

17. Share your favorite opening line

In some way, Tech thinks, it is poetic to die for his family.

From here, at the bottom

18. Share your favorite ending line

He turned, and came face to face with a skull staring back at him. There were holes through the skull, and though everything had been decayed by time, Cal could still see that the skeleton wore Jedi robes.

From then there was nothing

19. Share your favorite piece of dialogue

ooh i don't know! If its humorous then assume its one of my favourites

20. Share your funniest line

see above

21. What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

I think being able to slip back into old fandoms and characters for whumptober was a surprise. it didn't change the story but it was surprisingly quick to get back into things i hadn't touched in years

22. What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

I use microsoft word for all my fics. which isn't great for longform fic and probably why i don't write too much of it

23. If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Again, actually managing to complete whumptober felt really good!! I've never managed to finish a writing challenge like that so it was a really proud moment

24. Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

I don't think I've ever done anything?? Though I am thinking about starting a lil scrapbook of comments or smth like that

25. How did you recharge between fics?

what is this recharge you speak of? I am either possessed by ideas that demand attention or left in a drought of creativity

26. Did you create fanworks other than fic?

I do playlists for myself sometimes. I have ones for Cal, Crosshair, and Omega right now. I constantly wish i had the patience to improve my art skills to do fanart

27. How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

4 if you count febuwhump and whumptober. I'm in a Bad Batch zine that's in preorders right now - Pabu Days, and participating in a fic/art exchange for new years for Twisted Wonderland

28. If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

firstly I'd like to thank my cat for being the one to hear me talk out plot points and details. I'd also like to thank @pennflinn and @breakfastteatime for being both supportive of all my j:fo fics as well as being inspirations themselves in that fandom! And the whole j:fo fandom at large for being awesome and supportive of each other's works. And I need to mention @fanfoolishness for joining me in not one, not two, but THREE! fandoms here!! As well, shoutout to @shadowcrow for yelling on my rook x harding fics! it's a small corner of the fandom but at least it's got you there!

29. What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

Finish this fic for the new years exchange, and get another chapter of Blood and Love Both Run Red up! Though it may only be one of those that happens...

30. What would you like to write next year?

I wanna finish bright sword and get that post nur Merrin fic postable! And since I'm currently consumed by Veilguard I wanna write more of that next year too!

A slightly revised version of last year's questions! Two ways to play: Reblog and have your followers send you numbers, or answer the whole list!

How many fics have you worked on since January?

What’s something new that you tried in a fic this year?

What piece of media inspired you the most? (This can be the fandom you wrote the most for, the one that spawned the most ideas, the one you thought about the most, etc.)

How many fandoms did you write for this year?

What ships captured your heart?

What characters captured your heart?

Did you write for any new fandoms or ships this year?

What fic meant the most to you to write?

What fic made you feel the happiest to work on?

What fic was the most satisfying to finish writing?

What fic was the most difficult to write?

What fic was the easiest to write?

What were your shortest and longest fics posted this year?

What were your go-to writing songs?

What was the hardest fic to title?

What's your favorite title of the year?

Share your favorite opening line

Share your favorite ending line

Share your favorite piece of dialogue

Share your funniest line

What's something that surprised you while you were working on a fic? Did it change the story?

What writing programs did you use? Did you write by hand?

If you had to choose one, what was THE most satisfying writing moment of your year?

Did you do anything special to celebrate finishing a fic?

How did you recharge between fics?

Did you create fanworks other than fic?

How many events did you take part in? (bangs, exchanges, ship weeks, zines, prompt memes, they all count!)

If this were an awards show, who would you thank?

What's left on your to-do list for 2024?

What would you like to write next year?

[askrockandfriends]

"Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"

"Whoa, Junko's really lost it now..."

"Are you, are you... ARE YOU PEOPLE FUCKING HAPPY! You got to watch me get beaten up by literally the entire Smash Bros roster!"

"Come to think of it, were all the fights actually shown? Smash has a pretty big roster, you know..."

"Day in and day out, I have to deal with this crap! Beat up Junko, spit on Junko... make Junko look like an ass in front of the entire Tumblr community..."

"WELL I'M SICK OF IT! I'M SICK OF THIS BLOG, I'M SICK OF TUMBLR... I'M SICK OF BEING THE BIGGEST FUCKING JOKE IN THE ENTIRE RP COMMUNITY!!!"

"This blog should have never come back to Tumblr... this blog should never have continued RPing... Rock and Anzu should have been left to rot by the wayside like the pointless failed bit players everyone BUT this egotistical fucking mun knows they are!"

"Hey!"

"So I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. Since this blog thinks I'm such a cancer, that's exactly what I'll be. I will be the thing that ends this stupid fucking blog once and for all."

"And as for you, Rock... no, you know what? Forget that tacky fucking nickname! I'm talking to you directly, Raisuke Fukumoto! Both you and your skank of a sister can sit down and shut up for once in your fucking lives, while I give you exactly what you should have gotten back in 2016!"

"Because Raisuke, the fact is... you're not a fucking hero. You and I both know this fact deep down inside. You're just an obnoxious know-it-all who annoys the shit out of everyone you mindlessly insert yourself into the lives of! Think of all of the people you interact with now... do you really think you're the number one priority for ANY of them? I'm willing to bet behind closed doors, most if not all of them secretly hate you for getting in the way of the actual interesting muses. And I'm willing to bet most wouldn't even bat an eye if both you and Anzu suddenly disappeared one day. Some might even decide to stop interacting with you altogether... just like the people who already dropped you for lack of interaction!"

"As for Anzu... what exactly do you do besides follow your brother around? Are you really a character? Or just an extention of Raisuke? Sometimes it's hard to tell with you... maybe it would be easier to know if you had some kind of backstory or motive of your own besides being Raisuke's precious little sidekick! On your own, though, girl, you can barely even stand without your brother to prop you up! I'm sorry to say, but you got cursed with the worst kind of existence possible. You're just here to look pretty and be your brother's right-hand woman while he plays the role of the actual star of the show."

"But you don't need to worry about that anymore. You, Raisuke, and this whole blog are going in the trash! And honestly, it's been a long time coming. You guys are barely fucking characters, and interacting with you as a villain or anyone who wants to see you as anything other then "Big Hero Rock" is like pulling teeth! Kumi Kuwata may not have been the worst person ever, but at the end of the day, the worst thing she's ever done... is make it possible for you to live on to today, well past your sell-by date, Raisuke "Rock" Fukumoto!"

"As for everyone that follows the blog... go ahead and mark your calenders, because today, January 15, 2024, is the day allelitemuses... DIES!"

[callunavulgari]

“All the people living in, living in the world today Reunited by our love, reunited by our pain All the things that I've done and I've seen Still, I don't know, don't know what it means”

Heather’s Top 50 Songs of 2022

we don’t talk about bruno — encanto cast // behind the mask — ivy & gold // siren song — julian moon // storm song — phildel // my love — florence & the machine // a man without love — engelbert humperdinck // abcdefu — gayle // bones — imagine dragons // without you — ursine vulpine // start a riot — beginners // rule #1 magic — fish in a birdcage // drowning — radio company // to be human — marina // what will you leave behind — max ll // persephone in the garden — aidoneus // in the beginning — fahrenhaidt // all of you — encanto cast // love, maybe — melomance // in the flood — oleksa lozowchuk // the foundations of decay — my chemical romance // king — florence & the machine // dirty little animals — bones uk // burn — 2wei // running up that hill — kate bush // separate ways — journey // what could have been — sting, ray chen // back to the end — stars // gutt ch paranda — preet sandhu // dream — krutikov music // this is a life — son lux // free fall — slot machine // west coast — onerepublic // take control — old gods of asgard // sharks — imagine dragons // hadippa — pritam // around the world — a touch of class // pink venom — black pink //  teenage dirtbag — wheatus // i’m good (blue) — david guetta // talking to yourself — carly rae jepson // 我还记得那天  — shen yicheng // voidfish — rachel rose mitchell // glue — fickle friends // it’s alright — mother mother // wind blow — bone thugs-n-harmony // 回到山沟沟  — DJ何鹏版 // insane — black gryph0n // bloody mary — lady gaga // enter hallownest — christopher larkin // unholy — sam smith

short version | long version | spotify wrapped

short version is the link to what you see here, my helpfully abridged version. long version will lead you to the 265 song, 16 hour and 26 minute supercut playlist which i’ve been slowly cultivating since early january. spotify wrapped will lead you to a mixture of the long and the short version, which is honestly pretty accurate but does not helpfully represent my ear worms of the week.

under the cut is me ranting about music, like usual. enjoy!

i. we don’t talk about bruno || encanto cast seven-foot frame, rats along his back when he calls your name it all fades to black

I am so sorry, but this song had absolutely no reason to go as hard as it did. But it did, so we got the earworm that dogged my heels for about seventy percent of this year. No regrets, seriously, it’s a freaking banger. Also, all of the Tiktoks that were surfacing after Encanto was released made my absolute month. ii. behind the mask || ivy & gold holding on not letting go how can i feel alive again? in this darkness on my own.

I think that I originally found this one on one of my discover weekly playlists and it survived multiple prunings of my abridged playlist through the year, so it got to stay.  iii. siren song || julian moon 'cause i'm the granddaughter of a witch you never burned she taught me things that got me kicked out of church

Tiktok or Discover Weekly? Forever a mystery, but I LOVE this song so much. Has all the redhead energy, iv. storm song || phildel oh, despite the distance, you will see my footprints i will raise my flagpole, i will turn these tables 'round Another discover weekly find. Very much sirens and sailors vibes.  v. my love || florence & the machine there is nothing to describe except the moon still bright against the worrying sky i pray the trees will get their leaves soon Thing number 1: new Florence singles! Thing number 2: new Florence album! Thing number 3: guys, I got to see her in concert in September and she was fucking magical. The sheer amount of fey energy surrounding her was insane. She did the entire concert with her feet bare, hair messy, and she was so fucking resplendent. vi. a man without love || engelbert humperdinck every day I start out, then I cry my heart out lonely is a man without love

I had this song stuck in my head for AT LEAST a month after I finished Moonlight. It’s such a freaking earworm. Also! Good fanvids! vii. abcdefu || gayle A-B-C-D-E, F-U and your mom and your sister and your job and your broke-ass car and that shit you call art fuck you and your friends that i'll never see again everybody but your dog, you can all fuck off

I heard this for the first time with a bellyful of whiskey on the porch of my favorite irish bar on a very, very cold March night. The heat lamps sort of helped but mostly I was cold and buzzed and having very intense conversations about fucking astrology with some of my friends. I literally whipped my phone out to Shazam this mid-conversation. viii. bones || imagine dragons I-I-I got this feeling, yeah, you know where i’m losing all control 'cause there's magic in my bones Technically the first Imagine Dragons song that I fell in love with in 2022 was Enemy, however, I did manage to love this one (and one later down the list) MORE, so this one made it onto the abridged version and Enemy (sadly) did not. Also, here’s an Arcane fanvid! It’s REALY good. And while we’re at it, here’s a Marvel one too! Also really good! Music with good fanvids tend to stick to me like glue. ix. without you || ursine vulpine 'cause I don't want the world to turn without you and I don't want the sun to burn without you

I was so SO sure that I’d first heard this one from a fanvid, but I cannot for my life find it anywhere. Anyway, it’s a really beautiful song and SHOULD probably be in a fanvid if it isn’t already. x. start a riot || beginners arms to the sky screaming rah rah rah head to the side with a nah nah nod hit that switch make it hotter

Initially found the song on this multi-female fanvid back in April, and it really stuck with me. It’s got such great energy. xi. rule #1 magic || fish in a birdcage there is magic in this room i don't know if you can see it it's called love

I flew down to Florida in April and for some reason got the urge to write a drarry fic when I had ABSOLUTELY no way to write it. This song, for some reason, was the instigator. Anyway, I ended up writing it on my phone and posting it when I got back. xii. drowning || radio company hold the day make it through and fall into the light

A coworker of mine ended up finding out that Jensen Ackles of Supernatural had a band and then proceeded to listen to this song (and several others from the album) for I think a month? Two months? It did start getting bleak, but now that I’ve had time and distance, I do really enjoy this particular song. xiii. to be human || marina to be human, i want direction i wanna feel human again Marina! My one true love! This song is just? Beautiful. Haunting. Thought-provoking? It really, really leans hard into the nature of humanity and has made me cry on more than one occasion.  xiv. what will you leave behind || max ll under guiding starlit sky we will learn how to say goodbye

Speaking of crying - I played Spiritfarer this year. If you are unfamiliar, it is a breathtaking little indie game where you are a little girl who is also the grim reaper and you take care of spirits until they’re ready and then escort them to the afterlife. This game GUTTED me. It deals with a lot of hard subjects, the least of which is all the stages of grief. If you haven’t played it, trust me, play it. Be ready for a good cry though. xv. persephone in the garden || aidoneus did we lie in the soil with our arms and legs tangled up like the weeds and the branches of the trees that bound our souls and necks to the ground below?

I think this was another discover weekly, but god, it was a good one. I think the title speaks for itself concerning the subject material, but I was fresh out of my millionth playthrough of Hades and fell in love. xvi. in the beginning || fahrenhaidt and in the beginning when land touched the sea the earth was created around you and me Another discover weekly. The melody in this one is just *chefs kiss* xvii. all of you || encanto cast i may not be as strong but i'm getting wiser yeah, i need sunlight and fertilizer come on, let's plant something new and watch it fly

This song makes me weep every single time I listen to it. It doesn’t matter how long it’s been since I heard it the first time. Doesn’t matter what kind of mood I’m in. It hits three distinct parts, first when the rest of the town comes to help them, then when Mirabel’s mother and father are talking about how far she’s come, then when they give her that doorknob. Just. Fuck. Guys, this movie hit me in all of the emotions. xviii. love, maybe || melomance 너의 즐거워하는 모습을 보고 있으면 자연스레 따라 웃고 있는 걸

I watched A Business Proposal on Netflix despite the fact that second-hand embarrassment makes me cringe so hard it hurts. Despite some rather significant moments where I had to pause it for several minutes and regroup, I actually REALLY liked it. It was very sweet, barring some little iffy moments here and there. The main characters had great chemistry. Also I would die for Young-seo. xix. in the flood || oleksa lozowchuk if i falter, if i fall the wave inside my soul carries all i know who can take my hand in the flood?

I played Horizon: Forbidden West in the late spring/early summer and it was everything I hoped it would be. Every corner of the world that you touch, all the side quests and stories. God, and the Vegas area? I really hope the third game is as good as the first two. Also! It does the thing! A himbo, a mean bisexual, and even meaner lesbian, he/theys and she/theys, a token straight that’s on thin ice, an astrology bitch who has everyone’s birth chart memorized, and a short king. If you’ve played the game, I’ll bet you already know which characters match what. xx. the foundations of decay || my chemical romance now, if your convictions were a passing phase may your ashes feed the river in the morning rays Can we talk about the religious experience that I had laying in my bed with the lights off and my headphones in the day that this song came out? I think I played it through four or five times before I took a break because I was crying. Yes, I am that MCR girl. No, I will not apologize. xxi. king || florence & the machine i need my golden crown of sorrow my bloody sword to swing my empty halls to echo with grand self-mythology Have I mentioned that I got to see her live? Have I mentioned that I cried? Did I talk about how she danced barefoot (yes) and spun and spun until she was dizzy (no). Did I talk about the tender moment that the cameras caught where she stroked some poor girl’s cheek and the entire audience got a first row seat to the naked adoration and longing in that girl’s face? How it was the closest I’ve come to witnessing someone come face to face with their god? How she walked, straight-backed and regal, the first time she said the words, “I am king”? No? Fuck, it was an experience, guys. xxii. dirty little animals || bones uk it makes your blood run hot it makes your spit taste sweet it makes you feel more alive than you have ever been

This is the second year in a row that this song has made it to my top 50. It’s one of the songs on the Arcane soundtrack and has basically been my go-to drive fast music since last December. Since I now have to commute to and from Newark two days a week and 161 is basically a long stretch of nothing, I’ve uh, had a lot of time to listen to it. xxiii. burn || 2wei i will not surrender i never learned to lose a fight

Definitely thought this one was a fanvid too, but I can’t find it. Anyway, it’s a great sexy little song. xxiv. running up that hill || kate bush oh, come on, angel. come on, come on, darling let's exchange the experience, ooh

Would you look at that, we’ve reached the point in the playlist where the new season of Stranger Things dropped. I have always loved this song, but holy shit, that scene was freaking amazing.  xxv. separate ways || journey someday love will find you true love won't desert you

Okay, but this song was in the Stranger Things 4 trailer and it was such a masterful trailer that I ended up listening to this song over and over again. I mean, it’s a great song anyway, but damn. That trailer! For all the issues I have with Stranger Things, it’s still such solid television. xxvi. what could have been || sting, ray chen i want you to hurt like you hurt me today and i want you to lose like I lose when I play what could have been Am I still talking about the Arcane soundtrack? Why yes, I am. This track has been living on my “got the morbs” playlist and is generally just a great song to turn to if I want to write or feel angsty things. The violin!  xxvii. back to the end || stars and nothing i say can make you feel less alone again and no song i sing will ever help us go home again 

Not only was I blessed with new Florence and new MCR this year - but I was also graced with new Stars! This song is very, very clearly pulling from the covid experience and it does really nail that strange loneliness of that first year, how the loneliness just kind of slipped into our bones and never left.  xxviii. gutt ch paranda || preet sandhu sambh lai jawani kurhe, kahton firre gaali ni, chamm saade nikhre aa, kamm haddo kaale ni Fanvid! This song SLAPS. xxix. dream || krutikov music dream, dream, dream dream, dream, dream

I honestly cannot figure out this song’s relation to Doctor Strange. Was it in the movie? Did I miss it? Trailer? IDK. But I really love it, and it helps that it made a come back about a month later when The Sandman dropped. xxx. this is a life || son lux this is a life this is our life

If you have not taken the plunge yet and watched Everything Everywhere All At Once, please do. I don’t have the words for how I came out of it knowing it was the most important movie I’ve ever watched, how it understands the nature of humans, how it made me laugh until I was sick and then sob into my fist moments later. This movie understands humans better than anything I have EVER seen and is an actual masterpiece. xxxi. free fall || slot machine if the world is falling apart it'll never take what's in our heart, make it last

I watched Kinnporsche! Well, most of it. I did not actually watch the last few episodes because I forgot where I was and haven’t gone back to it yet. But! It’s an incredibly sexy drama and just generally good tv. There is a concerning moment in one of the first episodes where there is some dubious/non-consent and I feel like most people just? Gloss over how weird it was? But if you’re able to get past that, the rest is smooth sailing. xxxii. west coast — onerepublic give me the sun for just a year i’ll kiss the sky and disappear This song is just obscenely catchy. Also, yes, I am dreaming about the west coast. Please dear god, I know I willingly moved here and all, but please get me out of Ohio. I want Washington. I want Oregon. I want northern California. xxxiii. take control || old gods of asgard and so i'm drawn ever deeper in the oldest house and all these empty rooms this vacant, spellbound mystery motel where i'm the keeper, where i set the rules This is the song that plays during the absolute coolest part of Control. It is one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever experienced in a video game and one of the best incorporations of music into a fight scene since they played Waltz of Flowers in Bioshock. I am linking a video of the gameplay, but honestly, if you get the chance I recommend skipping the video so you don’t ruin it and go play the game. The video is fine, but really doesn’t do the experience justice. xxxiv. sharks || imagine dragons so let it go, let it go that's the way that it goes

This might actually be my favorite song that Imagine Dragons has ever dropped. That’s.. that’s it. That’s the story. Have a fanvid! xxxv. hadippa || pritam Fikar Hi Gham Ka Papa Hai Apna To Bas Yeh Jaapa Hai Fikar Karein Fukarey

I honestly have no idea where I found this one, but it is so incredibly catchy. I know that it was around the time I was shazaming basically every single song they played on Ms Marvel, but honestly I’m just not sure. It is a really good song though. xxxvi. around the world || a touch of class just la la la la la, it goes around the world just la la la la la, it's all around the world

I have no idea about this one either. I feel like I may have gotten it stuck in my head when I was making the wedding playlist? Or it could have been a Tiktok, but I think the playlist is more likely. Great song! Been an earworm for months now. xxxvii. pink venom || black pink 자, 오늘 밤이야, 난 독을 품은 꽃 네 혼을 빼앗은 다음, look what you made us do Fanvid! Also catchy! xxxviii. teenage dirtbag || wheatus  'cause i'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby yeah, i'm just a teenage dirtbag, baby listen to iron maiden, baby, with me, ooh

Hahaha, I did the thing. It does not help that this song will now forever make me think of Eddie/Chrissy. xxxix. i’m good (blue) || david guetta i'm good, yeah, i'm feelin' alright baby, i'ma have the best fuckin' night of my life A secret - I actually think that I like this song more than the original now. It’s a problem. This is also one of my go-to’s on my driving playlist now. xl. talking to yourself || carly rae jepson  so tell me, what you got on your mind? what you got on your mind?

Carly! I also got more Carly this year. xli. 我还记得那天 — shen yicheng 这 世 界 总 会 有 人 欢 笑 有 人 哭 红 ��� 在 历 经 过 千 山 万 �� 的 Ahhhhh, Love Between Fairy and Devil! It was such a good show! Definitely a fair amount of second hand embarrassment, but over all, it was one of the best things I’ve watched this year. Loved the dynamic between all of the characters. xlii. voidfish || rachel rose mitchell *instrumental*

This was on my top 25 last year and it’s on it again this year because it is just such a beautiful and relaxing song to listen to. I still get shivers when I think about the words “there’s music in a bard’s song.” xliii. glue || fickle friends your cheeks are so warm and mine are glowing too yeah, i can feel our lips like glue

This song came on after Florence left the stage while everyone was trying to get out of the stadium and I basically immediately shazamed it. It’s so poppy and catchy, and basically immediately reminded me of Carly. xliv. it’s alright || mother mother it's alright, it's okay, it's alright, it's okay you're not a monster, just a human

This song. I cannot say “it’s catchy” because I’ve said that about at least ten songs now, but it’s so catchy and just generally makes me feel like it might okay. xlv. wind blow — bone thugs-n-harmony and if, you don't love me now you will never love me again This is such a good freaking mashup! The energy! A friend introduced this to me a couple months ago and I’ve been blaring it in my car ever since. Also shout out to Call Me a Hole which is tragically not on spotify, but IS singlehandedly the best mashup I’ve ever heard. xlvi. 回到山沟沟 || DJ何鹏版 男:翻过山头还是那山头 哎 我的村村就在这山背后 This came across my dashboard and it made me feel good things about being a human. xlvii. insane || black gryph0n haven't been the same since I expired doesn't mean that I plan to retire and now I have the power to bathe all of you in entertaining fire!

I fell into a Tiktok hole! This song got stuck in my head for nearly the entirety of a six hour tattoo session and has been reoccurring ever since. xlviii. bloody mary || lady gaga i'll dance, dance, dance with my hands, hands, hands above my head, head, head

Tiktok hole! Also, Wednesday Addams. This, alas, is my current earworm. xlix. enter hallownest || christopher larkin *instrumental*

We played Hollow Knight! It was fantastic and we still haven’t technically beaten it. The soundtrack has now become my go-to for writing or if I need to calm myself down. Greenpath should also be on here, but I was dumb. l. unholy || sam smith mummy don't know daddy's getting hot at the body shop, doing something unholy

More of the Tik Tok hole. Lots of thirst traps. Actually a relatively sexy song.

[blue-theservicedog]

In case you’re wondering, this is from a January 19 policy update. River Dog Gear has a post about it which I’ve linked below. I know there are more because there was an uproar about this on Instagram at the time, but honestly I don’t remember which shops I follow were on Etsy at the time. Technically, at least at the time of this post, we didn’t know what the reasoning behind this policy change was, and I don’t remember if we were ever told definitively by Etsy—I don’t make gear so I certainly wasn’t—but the general consensus among the SD community on Instagram was that they’re trying to prevent fakes.

Meanwhile, here’s one of the ESA vests I found that was the reason I made this post:

(Image Description: A screenshot from Etsy’s mobile app. The screenshot shows a listing for a red dog vest similar in shape and design to a classic service dog vest, complete with a small handle on the back. The vest in the listing photo is seen side-on and has two patches on the side. One is a white circular patch by the handle with a red medical symbol reading “E.S.A. Dog.” The other is a black rectangular patch along the trim that reads “Emotional Support Animal.” The listing is on sale for $31.96 USD and is titled “Emotional Support Animal E.S.A. Dog Harness | Reflective Vest with Pocket and Pull Handle.” The listing is by the shop All Access Canine, written as one word—AllAccessCanine. The vest’s average rating is 4.9 stars. End image description.]

So you can presumably see why I’m upset—a vest like this is almost guaranteed to be used by someone who either doesn’t realize ESAs don’t have public access rights in the US (they don’t even have flying rights with most airlines anymore) or someone hoping people will see the red SD-style vest and not think too hard about it.

Honestly, I’m furious. It’s that much more difficult for service dog gear makers—most of whom are service dog handlers themselves—to sell their gear online without the help of Etsy, but they’re still hosting listings like this. One of the things that the SD community on Instagram talked about a lot when this first was released was that no one is going to pay the $60-100 USD for a custom vest if they’re going to lie about it. They’re going to buy something like the vest pictured above. This will only do more harm to our community than good.

This post isn’t about the validity of ESAs, by the way. ESAs are great. My sister has an ESA. Blue is temporarily going to be labeled as an ESA by my university since he’s being owner trained in a state that doesn’t have SDIT access rights. I can explain this more in another post if people are curious. But ESAs do not have public access rights and do not need vests with flimsy pull handles or patches labeling them as ESAs. Stuff like this is why people outside the community have no respect for either ESAs or service dogs. Clowning by ESA handlers will not be tolerated.

Absolutely infuriating that Etsy drove away service dog gear makers because they can’t prove that the gear is going to an actual service dog, but are absolutely fine hosting service dog-style vests and patches as long as they’re for ESAs.

[alleyskywalker]

2022 Fanfic Year Wrap Up Meme

Number of Fics: 45 Number of Unique Fandoms: 6* (ASOIAF, GoT, HOTD, Harry Potter, War and Peace,  Romeo and Juliet) Number of Unique Pairings: 30 (repeat ships: Throbb [4], Tris/Theon [4], Jaime/Cersei [2])** Total Number of Words: 102,105

*Counting ASOIAF, GoT and HOTD as different fandoms because that’s kind of how I’ve been doing it when tagging and stuff. Including F&B into ASOIAF here. I only had 1 fic for it anyway. **Only counting ships which were primarily featured as a focus of the story. Often times ships would hover in the background but weren’t counted. # Gen: 16 # Het: 15 # Slash: 18 # Fem: 5 *Some stories fall into more than one category.

# PG: 24 # PG-13: 16 # R: 2 # NC-17/Explicit: 3

Looking back, did you write more fics than you thought you would this year, less than you thought, or about what you predicted?. Feels like more, honestly. I would have not thought I’d write as much as I ended up writing for Battleship. (Although, looking at last year’s meme…apparently I wrote around 7k* more in wordcount last year, though 15 fics less. Which I guess is the effect of writing a lot of short fics for Battleship but not having Heart Attack in the fall/not until spring this round. And then things like Like Northern Stars because ~3k longer than my longest fic this year and my longest non-10k-exchange fic this year being shorter than the same for last year (roughly 9k vs 13k). Interesting.) (*Technically ~5k since I’m not counting the OrigFic here but it did take up writing space.)

Where did you publish/archive your stories? AO3 with some cross-posting to Tumblr. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? *sigh* The battleship porn – both the tentacles and the threesome. Also never thought I’d write Regulus/Sirius or Jily. And yet. Did you take any writing risks this year? *Gestures vaguely at like half of what I wrote for Battleship* Do you have any writing goals for the new year? Honestly, I’d like to work on some of the longer/more involved ideas that I have but feel like there’s never the time for. What’s your favorite story this year? Not the most popular, but the one that makes you the happiest. Real hard to pick from the top 3...but probably Love's Heavy Burden. Okay, NOW your most popular story? Going by kudos, The Price of Loyalty. Story of yours most underappreciated by the universe, in your opinion? Love’s Heavy Burden. Story that could have been better?

There’s always a bunch, and I feel like this year the format of Battleship requiring both speed and a lot of stretching out the comfort zone produced a few mediocre results. Most fun story to write? You know I’m not sure… Maybe Shelter In The Storm? Story with single sweetest moment? There were a few mostly-fluff fics and I’m not sure which one of them wins out. I mean, something like Daytrip is all fluff and comfort really!

The story that made you cry? I think The Price of Loyalty came closest.

Most “holy crap, that’s wrong, even for you” story? *sigh* The tentacles ones. (Not that “for me” is a very high bar, mind, lol.) Sexiest story? Ah, no idea, but I’d like to think it’s A New Peace. Hardest story to write There were a few lol. (What you won’t do for your Battleship team xD Although part of me wants to say it’s the fic I wrote for the Theon Exchange lol.)

Easiest story to write? Victory, but only because it was largely repurposed from a scrap scene I already had sitting around. Most unintentionally telling story *shrug* I really never know how to answer this one lol. Story you haven’t yet written, but intend to Ahaha you know the throbb/reyne AU I mentioned last year? Still that one *lolsob*

[mildwipes]

All of Us Are Dead (Netflix Series) - Reviews by Mild Wipes

If you're a fan of zombie cinematic pieces, you should make time to watch this series!

As part of my quest to become a cinematic reviewer, hereby I present you my review for All of Us Are Dead, the newcomer at the zombie section of South Korean series on Netflix!

Synopsis

Trapped students must escape their high school which has become ground zero for a zombie virus outbreak. (Netflix 2022)

Creator: Lee JQ, Chun Sung-Il, Kim Nam-Su

Starring: Park Ji-Hu, Yoon Chan-Young, Cho Yi-Hyun, Lomon, Yoo In-Soo, Lee You-Mi, Kim Byong-Chul, Lee Kyoo-Hyung, Jeon Bae-Soo

Episodes: 12

IMDb Ratings: 7.6/10

Average Tomatometer: 84%

Average Audience Score: 80%

Premier: January 28, 2022

*****

Fiuh... After a while, I finally finished this series!

Super excited to share my thoughts about this series, without further a do, let's get started!

⛔️ SPOILERS ALERT ⛔️

You've been warned, read at your own risk!

Actually, I wasn't a fan of the genre, at least, not long ago. But I did watch the legendary Train to Busan (2016) starred by Gong Yoo and Ma Dong Seok (now goes by the name Don Lee in Hollywood). It's hard to not think of the iconic 2016 zombie movie when watching a South Korean cinematic piece about zombies. But, All of Us Are Dead is different from Train to Busan, although I can see a bit of references from the movie being shown in this series. This series also feels waaaaaay longer and tiring than Train to Busan.

If you have watched another zombie themed drama like Happiness (2021) starred by Han Hyo Joo and Park Hyung Sik, you'll notice that the fighting sequences are quite similar, the zombies are both running very fast and super scary, super smart and super strong (I think I use the word "super" too much here, haha!). This series has many characters with different agenda, and that's what's really great about this series, nothing is more heartbreaking and nerve-wracking than watching people fighting for their lives while keeping up with what they believe in (rescuing people they love while betting on their lives altogether).

What really hooked me to stay watching and finish the series is the opening scenes (the scenes before the intro in several episodes, not all episodes have this), and definitely the ending scenes from each episode. They always made me question what happens next and click the next episode button (even when it's already 2am and I'm going to work by 9am!).

The most memorable opening scene for me is from episode 1 when the first zombie transformation resurfaced. It's a scene where Lee Jin Su (Lee Min Goo) turned into the first zombie of the series. It was midnight, under the rain at the rooftop of a church (because there is a cross sign, emphasized) which made it the most terrifying -yet ironic- bullying scenes I have ever watched on screen! There are several bullying scenes at the early episodes too and some of them are very gruesome, kinda made me wonder if there are actually people who would do horrible things like these out there. People who are capable to do these terrible things are super creepy, super real too.

The ending scene that made me go "WTF!" is from episode 2, when the students used a hose to climb onto broadcast room, and Lee Cheong San (Yoon Chan Young) seemed to fell off the building with some zombies. Part of me believed that he was literally dead, but part of me thought it is impossible since he is one of the main characters. Main characters rarely die in the early episodes (at that moment, I honestly wished nobody had died). Thank God, the series shed a light at the 3rd episode that Cheong San was alive! Even Su Hyeok (Park Solomon), who was left behind and separated from the group in episode 2, was alive too.

The rest of the episodes felt repetitive for me, running away-trapped in a room-running away again-trapped again-running away for another time-trapped for the last time (maybe I was already tired of watching haha). But what's really good about this series is the dynamic between the students in the group, when you're that afraid and tired and hungry, it's hard to think straight. One of the best scenes to potray the emotions is when Lee Na Yeon (Lee You Mi) killed Han Gyeong Soo (Ham Sung Min) in episode 3 and then she was kicked out by other students by the end of it. There is also a scene where Yoon Gwi Nam (Yoo In Soo) killed the headmaster and Cheong San saw it in episode 5, which I think is a brilliant scene to describe how hideous Gwi Nam was as a human-being, thus made it a great foundation to make him one of the very few people who were not turning into zombie (are not biologically dead but are infected by the virus) because he had an incredible will to survive (the biology professor and the creator of this virus, Lee Byeong Chan (Kim Byung Chul) said that this virus is all about survival and willingness to survive). I gotta say that Gwi Nam's pursuit to kill Cheong San was brutal and deserved to be the highlight of this series.

It was a bit hard for me to predict which character will die and become zombie, everyone had their own spotlight and moment and I felt like everyone was the main character of their stories. Watching this, I was sympathetic to the pitiful characters like Min Eun Ji (Oh Hye Soo) and Kim Cheol Soo (Ahn Ji Ho) (the students who were bullied and trapped at the school rooftop when the outbreak started). I also sobbed when Nam So Ju (Jeon Bae Su), our most favorite appa of all time, died in episode 11, it's painful seeing so many people sacrificed their lives for the ones they truly loved (Cheong San was dead at last, as a hero, too).

However, the series did not forget to put a bit of comedy during Detective Song Jae Il (Lee Kyu Hyung) and Officer Jeon Ho Cheol (Park Jae Chul)'s trip to downtown Hyosan. Rather, a heartbreaking comedy, to be honest. At least, I could laugh a little while watching this saddening series.

One thing that I was questioning during the whole episodes was "Would Nam On Jo (Park Ji Hu) turn into a zombie? She was scratched by Kim Hyeon Ju (Jung Yi Seo) in the first episode, wasn't she?" Is it possible that On Jo was immuned to the virus, like Han Hyo Joo's character in Happiness? Or, did the virus only spread through bite?

Overall, All of Us Are Dead is a series with a genius motive, an ordinary professor going mad from seeing his son suffered, decided to create a virus to make his son unbeatable, which turned unexpectedly ugly. The series format gave the writers opportunities to explain many details about the virus (unlike #Alive which was too hard to peel because it was less than 2 hours), and the fans many theories to conspire (you should see how much hype this series gets on Twitter!)

Additionally, the plot is moving very slowly, it successfully made me felt as if I were part of the surviving group, thus everytime a zombie appeared I felt like running too (while I am on my bed, of course). Can't remember how many times I shouted "fast! don't die!" during the 12 episodes :)

There are more to this series which I can't write down, standing ovation to the great writing and casting! I can see some familiar faces like Kim Byung Chul (he played a prominent antagonist role in Guardian with Gong Yoo and Kim Go Eun), Jeon Bae Su (he was an appa in Mr. Queen and Fight for My Way, too!), Lee Kyu Hyung and Bae Hae Sun (both fought zombies in Happiness, then turned into zombies by the end of the series), Kim Jong Tae (had a role in Sisyphus with Park Shin Hye and The King: Eternal Monarch with Lee Min Ho), and super talented young actors and actresses which are gonna be the face of South Korean dramas!

Ending

Only half of the students from both surviving groups were left. They finally reached the quarantine camp and continued living their lives without their loved ones.

Personal Ratings

It's the complicated plot-lines and dynamic characters that made this series very worth to watch. I'm giving this series 8.5 out of 10.

Plot-Wise: UNPREDICTABLE! Multiple conflicts, different agendas.

Visual: GREAT ZOMBIE ACTING, super natural! The injuries are explicit and dreadful and disgusting. I especially love a particular scene when a thunderstorm stroke and all the zombies were going crazy from the sound. Though, the VFX for ensemble zombies are kinda rough.

Music: I hardly notice the music, but it doesn't lessen the tension I got while watching this series.

Would I recommend this series?

50/50

If you are a fan of zombie themed series/movies, this series is a must watch, but if you're easily disgusted and disturbed, you might need to prepare yourself.

[dandelioncrownns]

random grishaverse facts/trivia (mostly tgt/kos, tbh), because i love useless details. Also, attempted organisation, because i like order too. + ft. my unwanted commentary

the darkling

has a sweet tooth

loves animals and nature in general

for those of you who have read demon in the woods, he got to meet the white tigers :)

his bedchamber walls are carved into trees bc he loves the woods

his favourite trees in particular are pine trees (or just evergreen trees in general)

he used to be afraid of the dark (many possibly worrying? interesting? implications to this; i won’t get into it here tho)

he likes bright colours, but wears black all the time basically for the aesthetic

he met his younger half-sister, Ulla, when he was a seer’s apprentice in Fjerda 

the darkling is a musician! He plays the fiddle, and growing up, he played the balalaika and oud (i wonder if he can read tablature,,) 

His father was a very powerful heartrender (maybe this is why the corporalki are valued so highly by him?)

genya

she got an amplifier between the end of R+R and the start of KoS (kestrel bones)

Genya used Dekora Nevich, the Ornamental Blade, to poison the King

It smells like cinnamon and is a warm golden colour

the royal family / nikolai’s bio family 

the King once cut himself on his own sword

genya named the queen’s dog 

until she was like 11, Genya was like the daughter the queen never had (omg i really wonder how Nikolai and Vasily felt about that? ik it’s not really mentioned, and Nik kinda acts like he just met Genya is S+S, but they must have been a lot closer, right?? I mean genya was almost always at the grand palace with Queen Tatiana, and nikolai just really wanted his parents’ attention, there must have been some kind of maybe one-sided jealousy/sibling rivalry thing, right?? I digress- for now)

also the queen in a dog person

p. sure Nikolai is a mommy’s boy

(possible explanation:) he looks exactly like his real father (except for his eyes). Nikolai even has the same laugh as Magnus

the queen was also fed up with Vasily and his horses

Vasily rides a white gelding horse and Nikolai rides a speckled grey horse (called Punchline)

speaking of, vasily is definitely a horse girl, but like... just the worst (darkling 🤝vasily)

Queen Tatiana’s letters to Magnus Opjer were “very racy” 

 She doesn’t approve of women in trousers

Linnea is ~1 year younger than Nikolai

she is good at math + studies engineering at ketterdam (I wonder if maybe she and Nikolai crossed paths when he was at uni- they’re around the same age, so maybe?)

The King and Queen hired a clown for nikolai’s 10th birthday (the worst birthday party he’d been to, inclusive of the night Vasily died, according to Nikolai)

Nikolai is afraid of spiders (and also clowns???)

nikolai:

he can juggle

Nikolai sucks at learning languages 

he once spoke Fjerdan so badly a man named Knut offered him a ruby to stop

his Kerch seems pretty good tho

Nikolai met The Darkling when he was 14

Nikolai is a baritone (as is Jesper!)

In his free time, Nikolai writes bad poetry (remember that time he got stabbed w/ a letter opener bc his poetry sucked?)

he went through an emo phase/ existential crisis before becoming sturmhond.

during said emo phase, he wrote rhyming poetry pretty much exclusively

He also took philosophy classes at uni (PPE?)

alina:

alina tried on the same rose dress that the Queen watched vasily die in

Nikolai gifted Alina a VERY low-cut cobalt lace gown (In the words of Nadia, “The bodice might as well be cut to the navel.” )

Alina hates herring, but Zoya and Nikolai love it

She is VERY sarcastic and snarky!! I feel like this gets glossed over so much in the fandom, and just why?? (she’s so gloomy and over everything 90% of the time, i love it so much)

So this isn’t technically a fact-fact, but there is no way Alina wasn’t at least a little bit into women. Did you read how she talked abt genya? Zoya? there’s no way she wasn’t into them

Alina doesn’t really like hard cheese

zoya + zoyalai:

Zoya’s horse is called Serebrine

Zoya can use her lightning as a defibrillator (I’m sure other squallers can do this too with the right training)

Zoya likes Nikolai’s hands (and Nikolai likes Zoya’s feet lmao)

she has ‘weird (long?) incisors’  

she definitely had a crush on Nikolai since Ruin and Rising

kaz:

Kaz grew up on a farm in Southern Kerch, in Lij

Kaz is a both a cat and a dog person  (he just likes strays)

Matthias is a dog person, obviously

All the other crows are cat people 

He likes hot chocolate

both he and nikolai like brandy

hates cereal

Kaz is obsessed with magic + likes puzzles

actually very funny if he wasn’t terrifying (honestly?? at leat 70% of his dialogue is just witty quips/jokes)

Kaz’s right leg is the one he broke, and the dregs usually get their tattoo on their right forearm

the other crows:

Jesper has been known to go line-dancing (and would like country music) 

Mal and Jesper were friends in S+S!! (Probably) Jesper has a not-really-secret crush on sturmhond. 

He also had a VERY not secret crush on Kaz before wylan, ofc

Matthias’ middle name is Benedik

Nina would win in an arm wrestling contest against Jesper

Inej has a thing for Kaz’s eyes

Nina was at the orphanage with the other grisha kids in R+R

In the opening scene of CK, Jesper was wearing a navy waistcoat with little gold stars (his fashion is just top tier honestly)

grisha- powers, etc.:

A solar eclipse would have no effect on the Darkling’s powers, but it would make it harder for Alina to summon.

Fabrikators can make flowers bloom

The twins have shark teeth amplifiers

Adrik and Leoni are saints

general world stuff:

Gay marriage is legal in Kerch!

there was a landbridge connecting Shu Han and Kerch but the council of tides covered it

Antimony is used as mascara

kruge is pale purple paper currency

ravkan currency has Nikolai’s face on it (ig not anymore tho?)

Hringkälla is celebrated on March 20th

the distance between Ivets and Os Alta is only about 100 miles? (i’m just going to willfully ignore this, because thats,, so small?)

Mermaids and dragons exist(ed) in the grishaverse

misc:

the daughter of the duke of ivets has a daughter who can play the harp

there is not fourth tale of krigi

The baroness Natasha Beritrova is fifty (as of KoS) and has lands near caryeva

Elke Marie Smit is from one of the most powerful Kerch families and is just 16 in KoS

Oncat is an orange tabby

Anya liked Joost a lot :( (I got way too attached to them at the start of SoC and was so sad + confused when they died lol)

david eats hard boiled eggs for his working days in the shops

‘Malyen’ is the Ravkan version of ‘Malcolm’ (very fitting)

Nikolai brought the kids at Keramzin toy boats + frequently sends Alina and Mal gifts 

The triumvirate would also visit them every feast of Sankt Nikolai too :)

star signs / birthdays (ik the gv constellations aren’t the same as ours, but idc):

Inej: Cancer (june 21st - july 22nd)

Kaz: Capricorn (december 22nd - january 19th)

Nina: Leo (july 23rd - august 22nd)

Jesper: Gemini (may 21st - june 20th)

Matthias: Taurus (april 20th - may 20th)

Wylan: virgo (august 23rd - september 22nd)

Kuwei: aries (march 21st - april 19th)

Darkling: aries

Nikolai is most likely either a gemini or cancer (but he could also be a Leo or Taurus). Whatever it is, he is a summer baby.

Alina and Mal have the same birthday (they were given the Duke’s birthday when they came to the orphanage)

heights:

Jesper is 6’2” - 6’3”

Kaz is 6′

Matthias is 6’4

Nina is 5’9”-5’10”

Inej is 5’3” - 5’4”

Alina is ’short’ (5’3”?)

Mal and the Darkling are ‘tall’ (tbf, like all the characters are tall >:( I want my short people rights)

Nikolai  (well, stumhond, but i think they’re the same height) is described by Jesper as tall (so 6’2”+?? why is everyone so tall??? I-)

Zoya is several inches shorter than nina (zoyalai height difference lets go)

Kuwei is slightly shorter than Wylan (who is about 5’8”?)

there’s definitely more, so if you made it this far and have any more, pls add to the list!

[embrassemoi]

Surrounded by the Moon and Stars ✷ 17

Pairings: Sirius B, Remus L, [F]Reader  Content: Language, possible errors A/N: slight head-hopping

Masterlist: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Chapter 17: The Stalking Map 

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

January 31st, 1976 | 11:30 pm

“Move your arse over!” Lily whispered. Moments after the lights went out, she crawled out of bed, her silky nightgown dragged across the floor as she walked over to Y/N. In one hand, she held a pillow, the other, Toulouse.

Y/N giggled, scooting over. “Can't get enough of me?”

“Hush! You know what I mean,” she blushed. Lily slipped in, the bed dipped as she wiggled around, making herself comfortable. But the small size didn’t help as they were slightly cramped together, leaving little space for either girl to move. Y/N made a note to herself to charm her bed so it’d be larger.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

February 2nd, 1976 | 12:23 am

“You really shouldn’t cram studying like this.”

A candle burned brightly inside their closed curtain drapes as Y/N continued to stress over an upcoming test.

“You’re smart — but you’re lucky if you manage a troll.”

“Be anymore encouraging, will you?” Y/N muttered out sarcastically.

Lily rolled her eyes, getting up from her pretzel seated position as her hand reached out, disappearing beyond the curtain drapes. Leaning over and supporting herself by gripping the bed frame, she grabbed a coffee pot and two teacups, pouring a steaming amount into each. She handed her one, Lily’s eyes squinted, her tongue poking out in thought before beginning. “So, five birds will be ejected from the wand with a blue light…”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

February 4th, 1976 | 1:12 am

They stared at each other for a moment before Lily’s mouth twitched upwards. The silence only lasted for a few beats before they both erupted into roaring laughter so strong that they had to lean into each other to prevent themselves from rolling off the bed.

“No. You. Didn’t!” Y/N exclaimed.

“What was I supposed to do? Not punch him?!” “Precisely!”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

February 5th, 1976 | 10:59 pm

Lily danced, jumping around on her bed. Her bright hair bounced around wildly whilst Y/N held her wand, pretending it was a microphone. One earbud was in Lily’s ear, the other in hers.

‘Yes, I’ve been brokenhearted!’ They mouthed to each other, despite there being a silencing spell around Lily’s bed.

‘Blue since the day we parted,

Why? Why? Did I ever let you go?

Mamma Mia now I really know!’

Y/N took her hands, pretending to play chords as if she were in front of an actual piano, mimicking the erratic backtrack. Lily shook with laughter before she slowly sank onto the bed as her hair sprawled out.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

February 9th, 1976 | 12:17 am

“Ginger —”

“I consider that harassment and bullying. Do you know how many detentions I can give you?”

“Haha — ginger.”

“Ten points from Gryff —” “No —” “TWENTY POINTS FROM —” “I’M SORRY!”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

February 11th, 1976 | 1:37 am

“What do you wanna know?” She whispered.

Speckles of starlight slipping through the cracks of their drapes. Lily, for whatever reason, seemed restless. It always seemed like whenever it was extremely early in the morning, there was a change in Lily’s demeanour.

Lily averted her gaze, biting her bottom lip, “Tell me a secret.”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

February 12th, 1976

After almost two weeks of their almost nightly rendezvous, they’d gotten closer than they have in the past six months and it seemed like Lily knew her better than she did at times.

Lily was practically bouncing off the walls. Every day, she seemed to become more radiant, happier, bubblier and Y/N couldn’t help but wonder what caused such a spike in her mood.

The redhead wove their way out of the bustling crowd, her arm linked with Y/N’s. She’d caught a few times, Lily looking at her every now and then before she seemed to stare for a little longer than what was considered polite. She’d forced a cough, fiddling with a strand of hair with her free hand; looking everywhere — or at anything, but her.

Sometimes Y/N felt and sounded like a broken record.

Repeating her thoughts over and over again, analyzing herself and the people around her; overthinking causing loads of unanswered questions… It was a problem that she didn’t know how to switch off.

Sometimes, it’d become too overwhelming, even to the point of tears in frustration and the constant overthinking. It would start with a flicker of interest, morphing into a spiral of questions, then irritation before spreading through her veins like a wildfire, spiking with anxiousness or fury. But recently, her over-thinking wasn’t necessarily overwhelming or maddening, this time it was purely curious. It was as if she blinked an eye; suddenly Lily would be acting fine — normal to becoming strange and skittish within mere seconds.

Perhaps it was stress?

February began and the workload for the OWLs was beginning to wear down on everyone. To be dramatic, every day became a blur, all merging into one blob: wake up, head down to the hall, class, lunch, class, study — then become too overwhelmed from studying and have the urge to cry or yell, dinner, study more, then sleep. With hardly any time to retain the information and the OWLs set to start late May, Y/N’s main goal was to memorize every bit of information rather than learn what it meant; that was for another time.

Whenever the fifth or seventh years weren’t in class, they were studying in the library, the hallways, even at dinner or lunch. It was so busy that the Marauders made it a point to swing by — even Mary and Marlene were becoming frequent visitors too. Mostly, they studied, but other times it ended with Lily constantly threatening James with detention (which he already received one and lost around forty house points after starting a small fire — which nobody knew how it even happened), Peter brought baked goods but ended up spilling a cup of tea over his notes and robes; Sirius and Marlene often mucked around while Y/N and Remus begun migrating to the common room after Pince threatened to throw them all out (and honestly, they were tired with everyone else’s shit).

And it had been taking a toll on Lily. She’d lost sleep and was slightly more agitated when it came to those around her and overall seemed to become quieter than usual.

Yeah, it was probably stress, but it didn’t answer her happy mood. Whatever it was, it looked good on her.

That day, they decided to eat lunch away from the Great Hall. They sat on a nearby window ledge, watching students idly as they passed back and forth, all having their own little lives. Y/N’s back was pressed against the window, her knees bunched together as Lily guessed the lives of people around them.

Young students, old students, some smiling, some frowning. Usually, Hogwarts was almost too overbearing. The swarm of bodies clung together like magnets, hard to separate, hard to pull yourself away from because soon enough, you’ll be roped into another set of magnets. While Hogwarts had been smaller in size and population compared to Ilvermorny, you could never catch a break here.

But, in times like these, they were able to come down from the high. It was fascinating and oddly calm; the noise, the chatter, it all became background noise.

And like a magician, Remus popped out, walking towards them. Lily waved Remus down, inviting him to sit with them. Although, Peter wasn’t that far behind as he came bouncing up behind. A few people waved to him, he’d even stopped a few times to catch up with a few students that passed.

Remus took the free seat next to Y/N, Peter next to Lily.

“Bloody cold here,” Peter said, rubbing his shoulder up and down, handing each girl a muffin before Remus, but he declined, waving around a small bag of blackberries.

Lily and Peter quickly fell into a conversation while she and Remus turned to talk. His leg brushed against hers before ripping away quickly. Even with just the slightest touch, Remus was a furnace. Y/N quickly looked up to him, their eyes meeting shortly. Her eyebrow curled up at him, wondering why he was so warm; had he been sick? He didn’t look bad…

She hadn’t been spending that much time with him as of late, aside from the study groups. But he smiles broadly. There was a weariness on his face that seemed to have chased away immediately. “Noon.”

“Noon! How have you been?”

His smile turns even brighter, so much as he could rival the stars. There’s a certain playfulness in his eyes, devilishly and sly. He looks too eerily like James, but it only tells her that he’d come up with another prank recently.

“Great,” there is amusement in his voice, so smug, so confident. “Came up with a new prank idea.”

Bloody knew it, as he’d would say.  

“Tell me about it.”

“Well, let’s just say that there’s going to be a lot of dungbombs, Polyjuice potions and probably explosions.”

“Explosions?!”

“You’ll see.” Again, sounding so confident and smug. It put a smile on her face. “So what about you?”

Her mind racks around for a while; nothing much has happened recently; she’s stumped.

He considers her for a moment with a soft gaze, completely understanding. “We’re planning to mix in Polyjuice potion with pumpkin juice on Valentine's day at dinner. When the person drinks it; they should turn into who they fancy.”

“So where do the explosions come in?”

Remus gives a deep chuckle, “Now I can’t give away all my secrets, can I?”

But before she could make a witty retort, perhaps even convincing him to spill his deets, Peter calls out to Remus, pointing discreetly to a girl looking at them directly from the other side of the corridor. They all recognized her from the study group, a fourth year that comes on Wednesdays. She waved over to them — well, actually just at Remus as her other hand grasped an item behind her back.

He waves over, hesitantly getting up, “I’ll be back.

This wasn’t unusual — since he ran most of the fifth year groups, Remus constantly had younger students approach him in the halls. Although, they were all starstruck; after all, he was tall, a bit scary and a part of the oh so intimidating Marauders.

Their eyes were glued to his back as they watched the interaction play out. The girl tipped back and forth on her feet, swaying as she shyly looked up to him. She went on to a small monologue before pulling out a heart-shaped box of chocolates and holding it in front of herself.

Lily sucked in a sharp breath, a hand flying to her mouth to prevent giggling to seep out and the young girl overhearing, but it was out of entertainment rather than any malicious intent. Remus, however, did not look too phased, however, gave a pitiful smile, thanking the girl for her confession but letting her down softly. Within a second, the girl’s face contorted, her eyes swelling up with thick tears as she threw the chocolate box at Remu’s chest — but missed, scattering to the ground, as she bolted down the corridor.

“Blimey,” Peter breathed out, “That’s the third one this week. He’s going to beat Sirius for Valentine’s day confessions at this rate.”

“Well this is awkward,” Remus said, coming back to the group. He had picked up the box, an uncomfortable grimace on his face as he turned it around. Y/N looked up at him; he was flustered, unsure what to do. So, she patted his shoulder, gaining his attention and slid the box out of his hands and cracked it open; they were all sorts of different chocolate, milk, white, dark, truffles, shavings, even some had coconut while others were biscuits covered in it. It was intended for Valentine's day judging by the intricate and soft velvety packaging but she assumed that poor girl simply couldn’t refrain.

Yeah, she definitely should’ve waited — or not have said anything, but at least she had nerve. It felt like Y/N lacked the so-called Gryffindor trait often, so if anything, she applauded that fourth year.

The group looked at her oddly as Y/N shrugged, plopping a piece into her mouth. “What? Expensive chocolate is still expensive chocolate.”

She took the box, stretching her hand out, offering it to the group.

“Nu-uh,” Lily blurted, her wands waved out in front of her, “There’s no way I’m eating that.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you feel bad?! And that must be bad mojo! You broke her heart; why did you take the box?”

“Surely you saw her throw it at me! You didn’t expect me to throw it back at her?”

Lily stopped her scold, suppressing another fit of giggles before letting out a very loud snort. Y/N and Peter howled together at careless, ‘improper’ lady laughs that Lily usually didn’t make. Y/N liked the change, she seemed freer.

“Well, do you fancy anyone then?” Lily retorted as she composed herself.

Remus snorted too, scooted over to Y/N as she offered him the box. He nodded, grabbing a small bite-sized chocolate piece. He rubbed at his collarbone in a sheepish manner, cracking it which made Y/N and Peter's face scrunch up. “What do you think?”

“You should go and date around. Honestly, you have all these women at your feet and you’ve never gone on one.” Peter added.

“Yes, yes!” Lily urged, “Listen to him!”

“You guys care more about this than I do.”

If James and Sirius were the most popular students, James being goofy while Sirius was a playboy, and Peter had the most friends, Remus was definitely the most well-liked Marauder and the one with the coolest reputation; something that James was certainly jealous of. But the fact that he seemed oblivious to it, Y/N found hilarious and humbling, very unlike his friends.

His head shook. “Well then, what about you two. Do you fancy anyone?”

They both went red immediately. Peter bit the inside of his cheek before Y/N shoved the tray of chocolates his way; he grabbed a handful, eating them in complete silence. Lily, well, she went completely still, almost as if Remus had shot a spell at her. She coughed, looking away uncomfortably as a nervous chuckle embedded its way out.

Y/N’s eyes widened and she and Remus immediately whipped their heads to look at each other. Their mouths gaped, closing and opening like goldfish. Both of their minds reeled, thinking about the same thing. Remus snapped his head back to Lily, his finger pointing at her. “Godric! You do!”

“I-I do not! I don’t fancy anyone!”

“Spill! What’s he like?” Remus asked. They kept probing her for questions, in hope of an answer but she wouldn’t budge.

“Is it Potter?!” Peter asked, his happy mood dimming but he forced a chipperly grin.

Remus was choking on air itself, “You’re taking the piss!”

They all looked at her in burning anticipation. If it was true, James was going to have a field day. Lily’s eyes widened, reaching over to grab the lid of the chocolate box and wacked Peter with it.

They were a mess of giggles, particularly Remus and Y/N who watched Lily berate Peter for the sheer mention of James. They basked in the safe feeling of the sunlight on their skin, the warmth spreading through them and rivalled the bitter chill.

As more laughter erupted, memories created, chocolate eaten, the bell eventually rang. Lily parted off with Marlene and Peter, both in the small class, as Y/N joined Remus.

“You think it’s Potter? Can’t be, can it?”

“I think he’d cry if it was.”

“Truly, he’d go mental.”

“Or maybe Lily’s gone mad.”

Remus shrugged, a smirk tugged at his lips, “Perfect match then.”

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Y/N slumped over her textbooks, watching as Bowie the Bowtruckle climbed into her hand. She hardly paid attention to what Kettleburn droned about.

“Alright! My pupils, listen up; next week, we’re starting a group project for the OWLs. But, I will be the one assigning the partners — oh don’t give me those faces! I have picked your partner based on grades and strengths. Ultimately you will both work together on hatching a Puffskein and care for it. It will be ongoing alongside the rest of your OWL studies and other projects I will assign.

“You will be graded on the overall health and happiness of your Puffskeins. We have gone over their care for a while and I think we’re ready to start. Remember to refer back to your books and do not hesitate to ask me. I have all your equipment ready to go next week.”

Kettleburn coughed, unfurling a piece of parchment with what the class assumed was a list of names.

“To start, Dorcas Meadowes and Lucinda Talkalot —”

Great.

Kettleburn continued to list name after name. Y/N brought a finger to Bowie, letting him touch her gently.

“ — Crabble and Evan Rosier.

“Amita Patil and Edmud Brown.

“Sirius Black and Y/N L/N.

“Susan Chang and Agnes —”

Wait.

Her eyes widened, sharply turning to Sirius who already stared back. Both of their mouths were agape. She hadn’t heard wrong.

“Now, don't ask me to change partners. I will do no such thing. We'll talk more about this next week. Class is dismissed — don’t forget about your paper due on Tuesday!”

Y/N watched as the class got up from their seats, her shoulders slumped dejectedly. Quickly, she stood, walking to the door and pushed the assignment quickly out of her head. But once reaching the door, a Slytherin knocked into her. His hands were pushed out, causing her books and notes to sprawl over the floor as he scoffed down.

“Sorry,” she groans out, “I didn’t mean —”

“Watch where you’re going, stupid Muggle.” With a sharp turn, Crabble walked away with a nasty smile.

Sirius had seen the entire ordeal go down, finding himself stuck at a crossroad; it took all the effort in the world to prevent himself from walking straight up to the boy, hexing him beyond belief, but casting a glance at her, struggling to process what just happened caused him to reassess his thoughts. Instead, he took a deep inhale, noting to himself to take care of that later, and strode towards her, dropping down as he picked up her books, shoving them neatly into her bag while collecting any loose sheet of parchment.

“You okay?” He asked with a voice so gentle it could have been mistaken for a whisper. He turned his head upwards to look at her.

Her eyes were foggy, a faraway look in them, completely in shock.

Sirius wasn’t sure what compelled him to, but his hand reached over, picking up her hand delicately in reassurance. His thumb stroked over her soft skin and helped to pull her to her feet.

The touch broke Y/N out of her daze; the physical contact caused both students to have a fuzzy, odd feeling settling at the pit of their stomachs. 

His touch was so soft, so gentle despite his eyes brimming with rage that almost seemed feral.

But, she hardly noticed it as she nodded weakly, jaw clenched. Her mind reeled, attempting to process her emotions — completely baffled and shocked. It was so sudden she felt like she hadn’t had time to digest the situation. Muggle… the Slytherin used it in such a derogatory manner. A word meant to simply describe her sounded bitter — disgusting and low.

Sirius pulled back quickly, the hand flying straight up to his hair. A thought passed through his head, he wanted to reach out again, but he squashed it for more important manners.

“Are you okay?” He repeated.

“Why are you helping me?” She blurted out before she could stop herself. It was the only coherent thought she had at the moment. Sirius out of all people should be laughing at her, shouldn’t he? Being a Pureblood and all…

The comment and the way her eyes judged him quickly told him all he needed to know. A panged sigh went through him.

“Look,” Sirius grew stiff, “I —” he paused, “I may not particularly like you, but I don’t like blood purist arseholes who push women more.”

With another once over, Sirius checked for any scratches or injuries before calming down. “I can take you to the Hospital Wing. It was a nasty fall.”

She shook her head again. The last thing she wanted was for them to get along only out of pity. Sirius understood, handing over her bag and walked away. She watched as his hand clutched the straps of his bag; his grip was so tight that his knuckles were white. His other hand, the one that he touched her with, flexed several times before curling into a fist.

━━━━━━━━━༻☽༺━━━━━━━━━

Currently, she sat by the window ledge in the common room, writing a letter to her mother. Although, her mother hadn't responded to her letters since December. In fact, her mother had only responded to two of her letters throughout her stay; about six months. It made Y/N bitterly press her lips into a thin line. For once, it’d feel nice for her own mother to prioritize her, to make her feel more important than her work.

Blood-red silk curtains nearly swallowed her whole, letting in the little light from the stars outside. The fireplace and chandelier were lit and she could scarcely make out the familiar figure of messy hair, two tufts sticking out like always, swinging an arm over her shoulders. He whined, “Oi! Evans has been stealing you! I feel like I’ve hardly talked to you the past week!”

“Jealous much?”

“Of course,” he said sarcastically, “Anyway, I, the James Potter, your best friend —" "Right." "— am inviting you on a prank. In or out?”

“In,” she said without hesitation. After the Muggle situation, she would do anything to get it out of her head, even for just a few hours. She immediately got up from her seat, walking out the portrait hole. James threw his invisibility cloak over them.

“What are we doing? Is it Remus’ prank we’re doing now?”

James turned to her, his eyebrows deep in confusion. “He told you about that? He hardly tells us before the day of the execution. Anyway, anything you want.”

“Anything I want? What about your boy band?”

He looked over to her in confusion, sliding out a small bag filled with both of their favourite snacks, tossing it to her. “Not coming, just us. Although Remus is on patrol tonight and his mini-gift to you — or er — us, he’s making sure that the Gryffindor and Slytherin floors are cleared from teachers. Should go off without a hitch. So, I’ll ask you again, what do you have in mind?”

“Pranking the Slytherins,” she said without a pause which caused James to grin.

“Atta girl! Learning from the best!”

The prank itself was small in comparison to the prank she helped with on Halloween. Y/N decided on having the prank in the Great Hall for everyone to see. James produced about a dozen dungbombs from his bag, setting it under the Slytherin table and placing a timer on it, ready to be set off in the morning.

But she insisted on the one Slytherin from earlier. Crabble, was it? She asked James to help her give him a little bit more misery than the others. They placed a dozen hexes and jinxes on his usual seat: hair lost jinx, jelly legs, horn tongue hex, Engorgio, twitchy ears, bedazzling hex —

Right now was not the time for Y/N to forgive and forget — revenge was beautiful, fulfilling; she couldn’t wait.

But, their only downfall was that they weren’t on the floors Remus had cleared out for them. So when Mrs. Norris came up to them, only to dash out of the hall, it caused the two pranksters to finalize their escapade before James grabbed her hand and fled the scene.

They ran throughout the empty corridors as the clicking of their shoes echoed throughout the corridor. They were both laughing, smiling brightly. They ran past the Bloody Baron and Nearly Headless Nick, woke up most of the portraits before they heard the vague sound of Filch’s screaming.

“COME BACK HERE!”

“YOU’RE GONNA HAVE TO CATCH US!” Y/N shouted, which had James snickering.

He whipped his head around and placed two hands around his mouth to make his statement louder, “YOU MUST BE LOOKING FOR A GALLEON, EH?! RENT BOY!”

After an abundance of sharp twists and turns, passing by countless hallways and secret tunnels, James seized a blank piece of parchment from his back pocket. He muttered a few words, opening it and ran down another set of corridors, through a tunnel and outside of the castle.

“What are you doing?!”

“Just trust me!”

There wasn’t even a moment’s hesitation: Y/N had grown to trust James a long time ago.

They ducked under an overhead from the castle, far away from Filch. Their ragged breaths filled the air before Y/N snatched the parchment from James’ grasp. “What is this?”

A panicked look flashes through James before he reaches over, trying to pry it from her grasp.

“Nu-uh!” She waved in front of her.

He sighed, realizing that he wasn’t going to get it back and that lying was the worst possible option. “You can’t tell anyone — my chaps will have my head if you do —”

“Who do you think I am?! Don’t you trust me?”

“Of course,” he rolled his eyes at her guilt tripping, “It’s a map we all created — er — Moony was the one to create it. He came up with it and did most of the work. Anyway, it tells us where everything and everyone is at every minute of the day.”

On the front, it read in maroon colours of the boy’s code names, Moony at the very front.

Moony — Remus… always a surprise.

James opened it, flicking it open as he pointed to a pair of animated footprints sprinted around the page hurriedly; Filch's name appearing overhead. His name travelled across the paper at a fast pace, running and zigzagging down the halls in the opposite direction. And by the looks of it, Peeves was following him. Above, they could see Remus’ name close to where they used to be, his name moving quickly in what both assumed was him trying to look for them. He must’ve heard the screaming.

It truly was amazing their little map. She marvelled at the classrooms, every hallway, every inch of ground that covered the surrounding area. Passageways, hallways, doors and abandoned classrooms were all there. Although, a few areas were missing. She noticed how the little nook underneath the tapestry nor a large plot of land close to the left-wing of the castle had yet to be mapped out.

“I proudly present the Marauder’s map.” James boasts.

Her face scrunched up, “You mean the stalking map — perv.”

James faked an offended expression, a hand came to clutch his heart. “I was raised to be a gentleman!”

“Sure thing.”

He was about to make another joke before his face slowly fell upon realization, “Wait, really? Is that why Lily doesn’t like me?” He tugged down on his hair in distress, his eyes looking as if they were to pop out any second. “Do women think I’m perving around?!”

Y/N chortled, prying the map from his hands and slipped back into the castle while having a panicked James follow, completely freaking out in the background, spurting out concern after concern.

She followed the map, walking over to Remus who stood underneath a large painting. He escorted them back to the common room to prevent them from getting any possible detentions and not needing the invisibility cloak. But James continued to babble on about his (alleged and false) creepy behaviour, his emotions spiking while Remus watched the two.

“Okay,” he sighed, observing James have a meltdown as he clung to Y/N’s arm, spewing apologies if he had ever crossed a line. “What did you do? You broke him.”

"Nothing.” 

He didn’t question it but his nostrils flared as he attempted to press his lips in a thin line, his face going as red as Lily’s hair.

[kozukitty]

Forget Me Not

nishinoya yū x fem! reader.

warnings: major character death, mentions/implications of suicide. angst.

count the stars and i’m sure you’ll find me.

yuu nishinoya

january 9th, xxxx

there's a girl on the school rooftop.

her name is (y/n) (l/n)— a girl i've known since middle school. we never talked even though we were in the same class. i've never seen her speak to anyone, we all almost thought she was mute.

i almost didn't recognize her, she looked so much more different than how she did before. her hair was short back then, but now it cascaded down her shoulders like waterfalls— i was almost entranced from just looking at her. she said nothing to me, all she did was stare at me with her (e/c)-eyes that seemed so bright, yet so distant.

i apologized for intruding, and told her i had only came up to retrieve my volleyball. she gave me a perplexed look and said, "who the hell spikes a volleyball all the way up here?"

i knew she wasn't joking, but it still made me laugh. her question had almost caught me off guard, i wasn't expecting her to say anything to me. i didn't even think she would look my way.

she went silent again as i rambled about my teammates and how incidents like this weren't really uncommon. i felt my words get caught in my throat when she handed me my volleyball with delicate fingers that almost seemed like they could crumble like sand.

she didn't speak not another word and turned on her heels, my presence no longer imposing as a burden to her. i also turned to leave, but stopped the moment i felt the winter wind whisper into my ears. i glance back at her with a small smile before saying,

"you should come visit my practice sometime."

yuu nishinoya

february 7th, xxxx

there's a girl in my gym.

i was more surprised than anybody when i saw her walk in. she nearly froze on the spot when she saw all eyes on her, her face erupting into a cherry red blush as she played with her fingers nervously.

"i-i'm here for nishinoya-kun..." she stuttered, her eyes averting from every single person she laid eyes on in the gym. "i'm sorry for the intrusion."

everyone gave me the same confused look, their eyes boring into mine as they wordlessly asked for an explanation. "she's just a friend," i explained. "i invited her here."

tanaka yelled at me, obviously excited that i managed to convince a girl to show up. i could do nothing but give him a sheepish smile as i ran up to the girl who stood by the gym doors awkwardly.

"what are you doing here?"

"you said i could come," she responded shyly. "i-i just wanted to talk to you again..."

and there i stood talking to the girl who i just happened to run into that day in january. i never thought we would ever speak again, i never would've guessed that we would even run into each other at all. yet here she was, cheeks blooming in a rosy red with her silky hair tucked behind her ear neatly.

"d-do you have a valentine?" she asked, her words barely above a whisper. i felt a small blush creep onto my cheeks, giving her a small shake of my head, i responded with,

"no, i don't. do you?"

yuu nishinoya

february 14, xxxx

there's a girl in front of my locker.

she stood there with a deep blush on her face, her dainty hands clutching a box of chocolates. her feet shuffled on the ground nervously, and when her eyes met mine my heart began to race.

"t-these are for you, noya-san," she said, her hands holding out the small box that she was just about to crush mere seconds ago. i took the chocolate into my hands, giving her the biggest smile i could muster.

it was a little awkward, honestly. neither one of us knew what to say. i couldn't keep thanking her for the chocolate, so i tried my best to talk about something that would at least be of interest to her.

she was really just a cute flustered mess the entire time, and we laughed and everything felt surreal. i thought she was perfect for me, i thought she would be the one. why did good things always get taken away?

but at that time, i didn't know that. so i asked her,

"(y/n), do you want to go out sometime?"

yuu nishinoya

march 14, xxxx

there's a girl that i like.

she's the same girl who i saw on the roof that day. she's the same girl who came to my gym. she's the same girl who bought me chocolates on valentine's day.

(y/n) (l/n) was the girl that i liked.

she was beautiful, the most drop dead gorgeous girl that i had ever laid eyes on. seeing her made my knees weak, and it made my heart race faster than it ever would— even during a game.

today was white day. she was standing there outside my gym, waiting for me to walk out. i had invited her originally because i wanted to see her, but i had nearly forgotten that i had bought her something.

i almost thought i would chicken out when i handed her the chocolates in one hand and the tickets to the movies in the other, but i think she nearly fainted just from looking at the gifts alone.

"what's this for?" she asked, her voice still as quiet as it always is. i've gotten so used to it that i could still hear her even if she talked so low that wind could only hear.

"i-it's for you," i barely managed to stutter out. when she took the items from my hands, i felt my ears grow hot even though our hands barely touched. "and i-i have something else to s-say!"

she tilted her head at me. "what is it?" i shook off my nervousness, inhaling deeply before shouting, "i like you a lot! will you be my girlfriend?"

her face went beet red, and before i could catch her,

she fainted.

yuu nishinoya

march 20th, xxxx

there's a girl sitting next to me.

she's not paying attention to me though, she's too busy watching the ducks play in the pond. she catches me staring at her, but i look away before she can say anything to me about it.

after i asked (y/n) out on white day, she fainted. but the next day, she walked up to me and told me this, "take me to the pond on march 20th and i'll give you an answer."

i didn't understand why she gave me a specific day, but i could only guess that it meant something to her. when i looked at her to ask her about it, she spoke over me.

"i'll be your girlfriend." she said with a dark crimson blush. "b-but... p-please don't break my heart. i don't think i could handle that.."

"i would never do that," was what i said. and i meant it.

only one of us had a broken heart in the end. and it wasn't her.

it was me.

but i didn't know that would happen.

at the time, everything seemed perfect but in reality,

it was then that things started to go south.

yuu nishinoya

may 19th, xxxx

there's a girl that i treasure.

i don't treasure her like an object, i treasure her because she has a special place in my heart. i wish she understood that, but she doesn't.

there's something strange about (y/n). something she isn't telling me. i don't want to pester her about it, but i can't help but worry. it always seems like she is never really here— like she's always somewhere else. she had always been that way, even in middle school. i never knew why, not even now.

"noya, you really are amazing," she told me. "i admire you a lot. not just because you're my boyfriend, but just because you're someone who's easy to look up to. not height wise though."

her smile was light, it was seamless, it was beautiful. but for some reason, i couldn't detect an ounce of happiness. i never understood how someone so gorgeous could look so sad.

"(y/n)... is there something you aren't telling me?" i ask, my voice laced with concern. she only smiled at me. she said nothing. she only smiled.

the same smile that was filled with pain.

yuu nishinoya

june 4th, xxxx

there's a girl that i'm always around.

she's rather gloomy, but i've actually grown very attached to her. i don't mind her gloominess, i actually think it's really cute. sometimes, she makes me laugh with the absurd things that she says.

the way i feel around (y/n) is hard to explain, even i don't understand how i feel. i love being around her, and when she's not around i always miss her, even if she's gone for five seconds. i think it's weird, but i feel like she's a part of me now. i can't imagine a day in my life without her.

i wish i could tell her everything i felt about her. i wish she would tell me how she felt from time to time. i know she's keeping a lot of things from me, but i feel like its for a good reason. i tell (y/n) everything, and she normally does the same.

so why does this bother me so much?

i understand. i respect her privacy. but does she not trust me? does she not think that i'll see her the same?

i'll fix it. i'll get her to see me as someone she can trust. i'll get her to see me as someone she can trust with everything she has without judgement.

i want her to trust me with her heart.

yuu nishinoya

july 27th, xxxx

there's a girl that i love.

we were walking home from the fireworks festival. there was an odd vibe surrounding (y/n), like something was bothering her. i didn't ask her about it, because well, i didn't want to pester her or pressure her into thinking she had to tell me anything.

but i had something to tell her, something i had been meaning to tell her for a while now but never had the chance. something that i wanted her to trust me with, something that i wanted her to trust in so blindly that she would always believe in me.

and so, standing in front of her door to her home, i turned to her with flushed cheeks, taking a deep breath before shouting,

"i love you, (y/n)! i'm in love with you. no words could describe the way i feel about you. i love you so much, that even the words alone don't feel like i'm expressing it enough!

i love everything about you! i love the way you dress, i love the way you style your hair everyday, i love how smart you are, i love how funny you can be without trying, i love how you can make me feel like the most luckiest guy in the world! i love you! and i'd shout it to the whole world if you wanted me to! i'd tell the whole school! i love you, (y/n), and i will for eternity!"

even with the flustered look on her face, she gave me a laugh. it was small, it was nearly lifeless, yet it was for me. and i loved it. she holds my hand in hers delicately, her thumbs caressing the back of mines with the most gentle touch.

"yuu, i think you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. i love you more than life itself. you are my entire world, you know? thank you for giving

me this love. thank you for giving me this happiness. i don't want you to ever forget me."

i don't get the chance to respond before she opens the door of her home to step inside. she gives me one last smile before shutting the door, a smile brighter than any star in the night sky, a smile brighter than any diamond i could imagine.

"see you tomorrow."

that tomorrow never came.

all i received the next day was a phone call that i knew would change my life,

"n-nishinoya-san...! (y-y/n)... s-she's..."

my heart raced in my chest, my breathing stopped in that moment,

"s-s-she's dead...!"

there would never be a tomorrow for us.

yuu nishinoya

september 2nd, xxxx

there's was a girl who loved me.

a girl who helped me. she helped me with so many things she didn't know about. she helped me live. she helped me grow. she helped me see. she helped me love.

she was everything i wanted, and more. i loved her with every ounce of my being. i loved her more than i loved anything in this world, i loved her more than my biggest passion.

why didn't i see? why couldn't i see how bad she was hurting? she tried telling me in her own way, i know she did. so why couldn't i figure it out? why am i so stupid? why didn't i do more? why couldn't i do enough?

why do i have to stare at the flowers that rest on your desk in our classroom? why do i have to get looks of pity from everybody? why does everyone whisper and offer condolences as if they knew you?

why didn't you tell me? why won't you answer?

why did you leave me?

—✰—

yuu nishinoya

october 21st, xxxx

there's was a girl who i wanted to spend my life with.

everyday without her feels like a lost cause. i have no motivation. she was the reason why i wanted to keep going, she gave me hope, she gave me encouragement. she told me i gave her happiness, when in reality she was mine.

how does someone cope with this pain? it's been over a month. nothing stops hurting. it just gets worse and worse. i fall in love with her memory more and more everyday. why did it have to be her? why did it have to be me? why did it have to be us?

i wish i could've given her everything she deserved. i wish i could've helped her value her life as much as i did. i wish i could hold her right now. i want to tell her how much i love her again.

i would give anything to have her back. i miss her so much, it hurts. everything hurts so bad. why won't the pain stop? why does it never end? i want to start over. i want to redo everything. i want to press rewind.

i want to live with you again.

a life without you is so hard to live in.

i love you.

—✰—

"good evening, nishinoya-san,” the woman greeted with a soft smile on her face. "its been a while, hasn't it? how have you been faring?"

"alright, i guess."

"i've read your journal entries," the woman pulled out the battered notebook from her bag. "it really helped me better understand what you're going through, nishinoya-san. thank you for trusting me with it."

nishinoya shrugs, his expression blank and eyes void of emotion as he took the notebook from the womans hands. “i mean, you asked for it so..”

the woman nods, crossing her legs with a never-ending smile. “i’m glad you wrote about how you’ve been feeling. it’s healthy to express your emotions in some way— anything is better than keeping them bottled up,” she states, her fingers adjusting her sleeves absent-mindedly, “do you think writing has been helping you cope, nishinoya-san?”

“you could just call me noya.. and i guess so? i think i finally have the motivation to do the things i like now. at first it was hard to get back into the rhythm of things but things are sorta better now…” nishinoya explains, eyes moving to focus on the journal that he clutched in his hands tightly.

“i’m glad you’re easing back into your life, noya-san. take your time, okay? healing takes time, and you have all the time in the world. heal at your own pace, don’t worry about who won’t stick around, just think of who'll be around after the storm. you understand?”

“um, yeah.” nishinoya swallows harshly, a bitter taste suddenly being left in his mouth. who’ll be around after the storm, eh? does it even really matter?

without you, my storm is everlasting.

“i know it doesn’t make sense right now. if i’m being honest with you, you’ll probably never get over miss (l/n)... but the whole point of healing is acceptance, and not allowing grief to take over your life,” the woman places her hand over his reassuringly. “it won’t be easy, it never is. but you’re strong, noya-san. do you know how i know?”

“...how?”

“because, you relived those painful memories of yours and put them in this journal,” she tapped the book in his lap. “you tried to cope with your pain on your own, before you even met me. you felt helpless, and yet you still desperately tried your best to crawl out. do you know what most people do? wallow in their own pain. you should be proud of yourself, you should be motivated. do you know why? because you will heal.”

nishinoya stared at the woman in shock, unable to hold back the tears that gathered in his eyes. “h-how could you say that...?” he asked, endless warm tears slipping from his eyes. “h-how c-could you say that i’m strong? i-i’ve d-done nothing b-but cry and beg to g-god that she would come b-back... i-i’ve done nothing b-but b-beg for my p-pain to be taken away.”

he sobbed. he cried so hard that it hurt. he sobbed so loud that his throat hurt and his lungs helplessly begged for air. “i-it... i-it hurts...! i want her back... i-i want her back so bad…” he wailed desperately. “i-i miss her! i w-want her back... i-i w-want to start over...! e-even just f-for a second, even i-if it’s just a-an illusion... i want to see her again...!”

the woman nods, her arms surrounding him in a comforting embrace, “i know you do. noya-san. i really get it, i promise. you’re doing great, and you know what? i want you to write in your journal again. but for now, i want you to let it all out, right here.”

and so, that evening on january ninth,

nishinoya cried until his eyes could no longer produce tears,

and he shouted until his throat hurt.

—✰—

yuu nishinoya

january 12th, xxxx

there was a girl that i dreamed of.

the roof is empty without her today. it's empty every day without her. everything feels empty sometimes, even my heart.

i tried to heal, i even asked for help, yet i still can't get over you. it's like you took a part of me with you when you left. i love you so, so much, that when i write about you, i have to suppress myself so the words don't spill out like waterfalls,

i have to suppress myself from succumbing to the darkness in my heart. without you, there's no light. even the sunniest days still feel dark. i miss you. i want to hold you again. this time, i won't let you go.

this time, i'll give you everything you deserved. even if you want the world, i would try my best to give it to you.

the rooftop is quiet without her today. it was quiet even when she was here but, now the wind doesn't whisper to me anymore.

when i turned to leave, i stopped. why couldn't i move? why was my heart racing? why was my holding my breath?

when i turned, i dropped to my knees in sorrow. but i also felt relieved.

with a smile of a million angels, there she stood.

she was right in front of me.