#honestly my friend that uses tumblr way less than me says more of these things

[dromaeo-sauridae]

this post is fun cuz i dont say any of these

[beawhatchumean]

IT IS HE!!

back to shimeji making and with the white hons himself

LMK AO LIE SHIMEJI VER 1.0!!

Just click on the big words and ya can download, ye :D Contains 2 zipfiles: The normal version and less frames version

Read down below for explanations on that

if got any problems launching and stuff, dont be afraid to message me, i'll try to help ya out :>

OR you can join my Discord server for easier help (will explain more down in the post)

but as seen in the quick lil poster i made there, it says extra animation + more, more info about that underneath the read 👇

from the top,

EXTRA ANIMATION

like my previous Shimejis, this one has unique frames for each action of the Shimeji. best example is the walk, run, dash actions seen below

there are other actions that have unique frames like these, but that's for you to find out yourself sksks

CUSTOM ACTION NAME

As per usual, some actions are renamed to better fit the character. Here is a guide for what they do:

Fall Over = Ao Lie falls down in a silly way and sits up again

Suprise From Behind = Shimeji breeding 1

Invite In = Shimeji breeding 2

disclaimer, I still have not done the full action guide list but I have listed a few renamed actions in guide.txt for referencing. Stay tune when I finally make that ref list

CUSTOM ACTION

Just like SWK & Mackie, petting is enabled here too!! So pet Ao Lie's little head to your heart's content hehe (credit to Kilkakon for the original script)

ALSO, the pet action is now fully animated!! However, the animation will keep playing even after you're done petting him

as seen in this gif :3

Steps to do this action is as followed:

Make the shimeji sit down (any surface is okay, ie work floor/window top)

Move the cursor to the shimeji's head

Make sure it is a hand cursor and not an arrow cursor

Pet away!!

If you want to pick up the shimeji without prompting the pet action, just move the cursor lower until it turns into the arrow icon

NON-SYMMETRICAL SHIMEJI

Like Macaque, Ao Lie also has non-symmetrical frames. So his collar will always shape a "Y" anywhere he goes!

Same as before, Ao Lie needed much more frames than he needs to get this effect to work. But, it may make some devices lag me thinks. So, there's 2 versions to download. One with symmetry and one without

PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE LESS FRAME VERSION TO NOT FRY YOUR PC'S!!

COLORED SETTINGS

Oh yea one thing I am excited to announce. The settings for the shimeji are now coloured!!

this has been a feature since long ago in the program but there was a bug. But now, it is fixed and now I can customize the colour scheme whenever and whatever I choose so >:3c

If you would like to change the colours yourself, just head into the "Theme" tab and change the colours there.

ALTERED SOME ACTIONS

There are now a few actions that will happen by itself, without you needing to choose in the "Set Behaviour" list.

Like the previous dash action, and now the daggling legs action that can happen when he sits down.

UPDATES WILL HAPPEN!!

Like the rest of my shimejis. UPDATES, UPDATES, UPDATES!! honestly, for Ao Lie I cant think for much updates besides software updates. For features and what not, he probably is going to have the least features update. But if yall have any suggestions, drop me a message or in my discord server

oh yea

I HAVE A DISCORD SERVER NOW!!

So after releasing the Shadowpeach Shimeji, so many people messaged me questions and needing help on how to work the shimeji and other stuff. So far, people only contacted me through dm's on tumblr, instagram, and just using Patreon's comment section.

Honestly, worse way to communicate since some issues I needed pictures and long messages to help out. So, discord server it is. Here's what ya can expect

Shimeji stuff (questions, wips, FAQ, etc)

Alerts on my posts and streams

Space for arts (any arts, not just drawing :>)

Share anything ya want (shitposts, current fixation, info, etc)

Just socialize and make friends :D

Ya can read more info in the rules & directory channel when ya join

So if ya interested, just click the link below

DISCORD SERVER: BEA'S CHILLAX HOLE

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

but for now that will be all for ver. 1.0

many thanks to anyone interested in this project and of course

BIGGEST THANKS TO THOSE THAT HELPED BETA TEST THEM

for privacy reason they shall stay anonymous but

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ >:3

PLUS EVEN MORE HEARTS!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

ACCEPT MORE HEARTS HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

okay bye

[queer-ragnelle]

I'm honestly kinda disgusted by the way a lot of authors just seeped their misogyny onto Guinevere to make her so horrible, lol. effectively destroyed a lot of people's view of her and she gets blamed for everything?? people keep shitting on her, saying Lancelot should be shipped with "someone better" and I'm just really annoyed because.. Guinevere is horribly characterized by these weirdos authors 💀. It does not take much to portray her as a complex character while also not making her shitty on purpose because you don't like her for her affair, lol.

I love her so much and it's disappointing how she's been treated :(( which is why I'll never be able to hate Guinevere or her ship with Lancelot

My friend it’s honestly so exhausting at this point. It’s not even limited to writing Guinevere herself as insufferable, but writing other characters behaving worse toward her than they ever were in medlit. Arthur hitting and degrading her when he cheats on her? (Warrior of the West by M. K. Hume) Lancelot using her for political gain and never loving her at all? (Enemy of God by Bernard Cornwell) Owain blocking her passage as she flees danger? (Legend in Autumn by Persia Woolley) Agravaine threatening to rape her? (The Road to Avalon by Joan Wolf) Gawain threatening to rape her? (Guinevere by Lavinia Collins) WHO are these characters bro you got me fucked up!!! The subtext here is that the authors hate Guinevere (read: women) so much they’re willing to warp everyone around her to treat her like garbage!!!

“Guinevere is bad because she has sex outside marriage.” Yeah so does Arthur. He fucked his own sister. In the dark. Leading her to believe he was her husband. So there’s Mordred, but there’s also Loholt and Arthur the Less etc. Arthur has many bastards from his extramarital affairs. (Vulgate and Post-Vulgate) Yet he isn’t canceled. Hm. Wonder what the difference could be? Let’s investigate. Seems authors treat Morgause and Morgan similarly to Guinevere. Gee, what is the common denominator here? Meanwhile in medlit, Morgause didn’t commit any crimes—she didn’t rape Arthur to have Mordred, she never neglected her children, she never cheated on Lot, and she didn’t prey on young men, she had ONE consistent lover who was younger than her AFTER her husband died. And she was murdered for it. (Post-Vulgate) Yet every other author writes her as a rapist (The Once and Future King by T. H. White), child grooming (The Wicked Day by Mary Stewart), pedophile (The Book of Gaheris by Kari Sperring), trying to put one of her sons on the throne (many examples). Now, Morgan is evil. But not for lewdness, for trying to murder people. In literally every source. Hello. It’s very simple. These authors are ridiculous. They care more about highlighting their opinion that fictional women having sex is BAD than writing a good story. When there are plenty of actually bad things happening in medlit they could condemn instead. You know, like the misogyny? Burning Guinevere at the stake??? You couldn’t make this up. It’s the utter disdain for the material for me. Assuming these dumbasses are even reading the material. Write something else where I can’t see it. (To be clear, I don’t even hate all the books I listed as examples, but they are unfortunately examples.)

Thankfully I haven’t encountered the blogger discourse regarding this. At least not lately. My advice to anyone who sees people shitting on something you like is to block them. Just do it. Fuck that noise. It’s not worth it.

Also I have to laugh at ship discourse about Guinevere/Lancelot. Of all pairs! It’s so unserious. They’re not some random comphet duo from the newest tumblr trending fandom. They’re mythological characters from a medieval literary tradition. Lancelot was created for her. In the 12th century. That was 900 years ago. It feels juvenile to reduce them to ship discourse. Especially because the story is fluid, it can be reshaped to fit the author’s narrative. So if Guinevere sucks, it’s because they made her that way. This is the epitome of making up a girl to be mad at.

“Oh but in Knight of the Cart—” Shh stop talking. If you’re pulling out KotC like some “gotcha” about Guinevere’s treatment of Lancelot, then you’re lost, buddy. You may be seeking entertainment in the wrong place! Guinevere and Lancelot aren’t real. Nobody was “abused” because they’re characters, narrative tools, to tell a story. Guinevere is flawed. Nobody ever said she wasn’t. If that’s too much complexity for you then I don’t know what else there is to say.

Honestly? Nobody is obligated to like Guinevere. I think it’s stupid to dislike her but the real take away is—if you dislike Guinevere so much, hate her even, why the are you writing so poorly about her? She’s as old a character as Arthur himself. Show some fucking respect or get out.

Anyway I’m going to end this with a recommendation! Today I started the third book of Sharan Newman’s Guinevere trilogy. The first two, Guinevere and The Chessboard Queen were utterly AWESOME!! Lots and lots of named women, like Guinevere’s mother Guenlain, Cador’s wife Sidna and daughter Lydia, Guinevere’s handmaiden Risa, and so on. The one downside is Morgause and Morgan are your typical modern retelling baddies, but overall it’s two thumbs up from me. Many points of view, but Guinevere is fascinating and complex and most importantly she is beloved!!!!!! Really hoping it stays enjoyable through to the end. Miss Newman is still in print, so I encourage everyone to seek these books out at your local library or from your favorite bookseller. Here’s a quote from book 2, The Chessboard Queen.

[watchingblsnowandforever]

Why We Are isn't just a fluffy no-plot show

I just read this post by @twig-tea, which honestly is a very well written, thought out post and I'd recommend giving it a read, it brings up many pertinent questions.

Having said that, I want to make just a small interjection as someone who really enjoyed We Are. This isn't just a biased view of why We Are is good - it has quite a few faults too. [can't even write a post without- *grumbling* so sorry my cat was prancing all over the bed threatening to pee] Where was I- yes. What I'm trying to say through this post is that We Are is queer in it's own right and while it might not match up to some of the greats of our time (Bad Buddy) it does resonate with a lot of queer people (including me.)

I myself asked @desi-yearning why I liked We Are. I was rewatching the show so at the time it was a sort of rhetorical question, but then I really thought about it. Why do I like We Are? The answer I arrived it is not as simple as I'd though it be (that it's a good fluffy show).

I am out and proud as a fluff enjoyer. I know angst reflects real world struggles and what queer people have to go through on a regular basis. I don't like angst but the why is a story for another time. Historically though, it's not that I've never watched angst or enjoyed it (I entered the bl world with KinnPorsche so-) but it's more a personal choice.

Now, coming to We Are specifically, I was actually skeptical all the way till episode 5 or 6, I think. I don't remember specifically what happened, but by ep 8 I was hooked.

All that rambling aside, here are the reasons why I think maybe We Are isn't just a no-plot fluff show:

Fans are actually leaning towards high stakes shows. GMMTV usually pretty accurately represents the wants of the bl-fan demographic (they have to, to earn the most profit) and it has slowly been turning towards ansgty, hard "real-world" (though this time with all the fate stuff and tarot cards it's more "we have nothing else to produce please give us your money") shows (whether they are well done or not, however, is another question altogether). I know that's a bit of an assumption but from meta on tumblr too, I get the same feeling. Therefore, We Are was a bit of a dark horse. P'New himself said, in almost all interviews that he never expected We Are to be commercially successful, he just made it because he wanted to. So... why?

Couple pairings. I have a LOT of beef with GMMTV. Much of it stems from their couple pairing strategy. While I do have my favourite pairing(s) (and I hate it because it means those capitalist idiots have been successful in their matchmaking scheme), I absolutely detest them overworking these pairings to produce commercially successful shows that are actually hollow. We Are, however, introduced a new pairing that was, by some, even more loved than the 'main' couple. For me, personally, I actually had very little idea about the other pairings too. I had seen PondPhuwin in NLMG but it was a high-angst show that made me queasy and I did not look further than what the show gave me. I had seen AouBoom as side couples but had hardly paid them any mind more than to maybe say "oh they're cute". I had seen WinnySatang in MSP and a couple more sides but I wasn't entirely convinced by that either. I only learnt more about them during or after the show, so they had less than nothing to do with me watching We Are. Alternatively, MLMU Th was disappointing for me, and I love GeminiFourth. When I watch a show, I do pay attention to the pairings, but that's not the only thing that can carry a show for me.

Friendship. This is a big one. I'm in college. Friendship is a very big, very important part of college/uni. I've never had many friends and honestly did enter college mentally prepared to go through all four years alone. But then I made friends. I just- they are so important to me. I know I'm maybe not as important to them as they are to me but I know they'll help me out when I ask. So when I saw this little show about friendship as a central point, I embraced it hard and cried about it at night. If you peel off the few outer layers, at it's core, it's all about friends. And that just got to me. It was more found family adjacent which is also a soft spot of mine. It's about not taking friendship for granted, about cherishing what you have, about putting your friends first, and always being there for them.

Queer representation. We Are examines overused tropes in a new light. Big example of this is how Peem/Phum could have very easily turned into a dark, toxic relationship. Even a few years back, it would have. But it didn't. We understood why Phum was the way he was. And Peem was never for a moment shown to be anything but his equal or tolerating any of his bullshit (even during the slave era he made it abundantly clear to Phum that this was wrong and if he really didn't want to, he wouldn't be doing it. He specifically told Phum to not let Peem's friends know because Peem knew, with absolute certainty, that if they found out, Phum would be buried alive). He even called Phum out multiple times. Moreover, it is also a story about queer groups, about queer friendship, specifically. I think bls don't show that enough. Even through the hard times, we do sometimes have people to support us, be it just one fellow queer or a whole group. It is also about acceptance of self and acceptance of love. Another thing that really got to me was the friends-to-lovers arc of ChainPun. I've often had crushes on my friends, and I've either confessed long after, when I didn't like them anymore, or never confessed at all. That shit is hard. In 12th grade, I had a very embarassing crush and most of my friends knew about it, so that trope was very cathartic for me. However. I did want Phum's relationship with his estranged father to be better explored. I don't like how easily they blow that away. It has been a pattern (mentioned in the linked post) and while I love my accepting parents/guardians, I do think we do also need homophobic ones. To change older generations' mindset, I think it's better to show them initially as conservative and harsh but slowly become accepting near the end of the series because they realize that if they continue their behaviour they might just lose their loved ones for good. (Homophobic parents is also very close to my heart but I have a complicated relationship with it.)

No plot. We Are does have an idiot plot, i.e., it's character driven. But I don't think it's entirely devoid of an overarching plot/storyline. Every character does play out a little bit of plot that plays into a bigger picture. Every character has a place, a purpose. Comparing the beginning to the finale, we see the characters have changed not just due to character development, but also as a result of the characters around them and the circumstances they were placed in. And all of these characters are tied together, somehow.

I have no idea if all that makes any sense, but yeah, that's my take on it.

This post was actually sparked off by a few questions that came up after I read the post linked in the beginning; can't queer people be happy? Despite all the struggles and the suffering, can't they have a home to come to? Does queer rep always neccessarily have to be angsty with a barely-happy ending? Does our love always have to be bittersweet?

If you've read this far, thank you so much for giving my rambling a chance! =D

Please rest your eyes for a moment and remember to hydrate <3

Here, have a donut 🍩

[crooked-wasteland]

I just saw your essay on the codependency of FizzOzzie and it cleared up a lot of things I've been thinking about this ship and to be honest, I myself thought it was the most healthiest ship in the whole show even better than the trash that Stoliz is but well... (btw, I was trying to scroll through tumblr to find it but can you just link it for me so I coud read it again)?

It also brings me to an idea of the possibility brung up in two fics each with different ideas:

#1 if Hazbin's events every leak in Helluva's since they're the same universe, there's a possibility that Lucifer would want to have precautionary heirs for the defense of Hell and outright force Ozzie and any other relationships with lowerclass apart since it's "not compatible with angelic DNA" or some thing, so Ozzie could in fact leave Fizz because of his status

#2 Ozzie getting tired of Fizz... Ozzie is the sin of Lust after all and Lust can be ever-changing and capricious in its nature as a sin. Ozzie’s character, embodying Lust, might lead to a fluctuating commitment level, influencing his interactions and relationships. In biblical lore, he did end up causing a lot of sinful things like fucking a human named Sarah or so I remember?

Again this is the same guy who humiliated Blitzø in Ozzie, S2 just rewrote him completely (btw, in my rewrite I'mma change him to be more evil and instead give the whole "lovey-dovey Sin" idea to Satan who is female and thinks Asmodeu's "fake-love" is like a slap in the fact to her idea of realistic and true romance)

I'd just feel like Fizz would be better off with Blitzø tbh or Striker or all in a threesome... the possibilities are endless, and why is the show making love seem too fairytale and unrealistic?! Like Blitzø shouldn't have to fuck Stolas just because he was his arranged playmate for just one day??? The show did the childhood friends trope dirty and would be better if Stoliz was a thing until mid-teens broke up for [insert reason] and reconnect but honestly, Stolas should've had his own seperate season/arc dedicared to himself if HB was an anthology show

Also the fact that Asmodeus couldn't just burn the contract, one-shot the lawyer and go on a rampage to save Fizz is just beyond me... the Sins are supposed to be these scary demon lords so why aren't they, hm?

Sorry for rambling and what do you think or want to add?

Absolutely here you go.

The consistent failure of Vivziepop is to commit to a mature story. She describes her own protagonists as "Deeply flawed but understandably traumatized people who just need love to fix them" while the villains of her shows are "irredeemable" (and women, but that's a tangent).

I mentioned before that trying to use the excuse of the setting being Hell and playing that out to the logical conclusion would end up exactly like Good Omens. The whole moral of said show being that imperfect humanity is worth saving, that life is worthy and beautiful for its own sake of existence. That is why the story of Good Omens uses the Bible, angels, and demons to tell it's story, to make that point.

Why is Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel set in Hell? What is being said by the plot, themes and story? So far we have that demons are better people than the Angels in Hazbin. That sacrifice is the only virtue worthy of redemption and thus reinforces backwards Christian ideals of penance.

Personally, I would have made Hell less absurd. Less a place of debauchery and chaos and more a mere continuation of life. We see in the Hazbin Pilot a character falls from the sky and says "I'm alive?" Before being hot by Travis' car. The point being that people just transition from one life to the next and in that they keep living life the way they always have.

My personal criticisms of the series' use of Hell is that it established this idea that people only behave if they have a god to fear. Once in Hell, there is no salvation, so why bother. It's like a Christian asking an atheist why they wouldn't commit murder if they don't believe in God. The answer is that people like order and security. People dying would seek to maintain their status quo from life. A lack of salvation wouldn't change that for them.

And frankly, I wouldn't have redemption be a thing. This story and its messages are actively devalued by the act of redeeming sinners when the Angels are just the same as them. By having Hell just be a warped continuation of life on Earth, it makes the message more universal: Life is Hell. Life is suffering in a way Hell can never hope to be. Physical anguish and torment for all eternity can never amount to the pain of the fleeting and the terror of change and uncertainty.

I would have made it impossible to be redeemed because the fact is, regardless what you believe happens after death, what we know we have is life. We fear death so much we have created salvation throughout history, the wish to keep living forever in some way. But, especially for young people, life is harder now than ever before. It's more terrifying and uncertain and cruel and uncaring.

So if life is Hell, how do you be happy?

That would have been my thesis for the show. The message underneath is all about finding happiness in the absence of salvation. Even the idea that maybe salvation is something we should reject to really feel what it means to be alive. Giving up on our deaths and seeking our own fulfillment, and in that finding community, love, and hope. To see true humanity as something selfish and kind at the same time.

That's how I would have taken the concept.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for kicking someone from my server and not explaining why?

(emojis so I can find later: 🪨🪨🪨)

[This happened a few years ago, but I’ll write the ages as they were at the time.]

I (14M) made a server for a fandom I was in. It was a small fandom (I was mutuals with every single fan on tumblr) so I thought it’d be nice to have a place we can all talk other than the tumblr dashboard. This was also not my first server — I had 2 or 3 years of experience running them (having run a server with 100ish members a year or two beforehand) so I was fully confident in my ability to run a server with less than 20 people, especially since everyone knew each other and was friends already.

Now, there was this person in the server, we’ll call her B (16F). I wasn’t super close with her, but ofc I was friends with her through the fandom. We didn’t talk much — the only time I can recall us speaking outside of discord was to send fandom art requests to each other. Obviously I didn’t have a problem with her coming in, but as she spoke more in my server, I started to question whether she was somebody I wanted hanging around.

I won’t go into full depth of things she said or did (both for privacy’s sake and to keep things brief), but I’ll explain my biggest reasons for kicking her.

First, she vented a lot, which typically I wouldn’t judge, but I really didn’t want a fandom server associated with so much negativity — and not only that, but the way she vented was very… I mean, we would be telling her things she did wrong in general channels, and then she would go to the vent channel and say things like “I’m sorry I’m so stupid and such a bad person I didn’t know what I was doing wrong.” and then we’d (well, everybody else — I don’t play these games with people) all have to console her. Not only that, but she’d vent about shit like — “I’m such a bad person because I’m cis. I’m sorry for being cis.” In a server full of trans people.

Second was her ableism towards autistic people, in a server also full of autistic people (This is honestly the biggest thing I had against her). Since most of us were autistic, we headcanoned most (if not all) of the characters in the series as autistic, usually with little basis in canon. One person specifically said “I think X character is autistic” and most people agreed, until she came along and said “No, they’re too normal.” We were all kind of like “???” until somebody said “Autistic people are normal” and she said “No, they’re all learning disabled” and some other stuff I don’t remember off the top of my head. (Obviously nothing wrong with having learning disabilities and many autistic people do have them etc, it’s just the way she went about saying what she said — and also disagreeing with a harmless headcanon because a character was too “normal” to be autistic). Again, most of us are autistic and were offended by what she said.

These were the two biggest contributors as to why I kicked her from my server — there were more (usually smaller) things she did that made people uncomfortable or pissed me off, but again, I’m not going to mention everything.

So, I silently kicked her, not wanting to cause too much drama, but also fed up with her behavior. I think I also softblocked her on tumblr, not wanting us to be mutuals or friends anymore but also not seeing a block as necessary (I didn’t mind if she saw my fandom posts in the tag, for example). However, she ended up following me back and sent me an ask asking why she was kicked from the server. I believe I told her “I don’t owe you an explanation, I just didn’t want you there anymore”. I didn’t want to say “you did this, this, and this” and just have her say “I didn’t do that/That wasn’t a big deal” and turn it into an entire argument, you know? I also just didn’t want to talk to her at all. So after answering, I softblocked her again and she sent me a long rant calling me a bitch, to which I simply hardblocked her.

I’m pretty sure I was justified in kicking her from my server, but I’m not sure if I’m justified in not telling her why — I understand being confused and demanding an answer but I also know she’d been told off multiple times — and I still don’t think she’s owed a response. Maybe if we were closer friends, I would have explained why. But I don’t know. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[tommyssupercoolblog]

lmao bc u keep putting it on my dash (/aff) can u pls explain the d&p stuff to me?

Dan and Phil are vlog YouTubers (although they did start a gaming channel) who were REALLY famous in the 2010s and then started popping off again recently.

They became online friends first, ✨ through the magic of the internet ✨ and then at some point in 2009 Dan boarded a train to come see Phil, and then just kind of...never left? He went to college but it was near Phil's house and he spent more time at Phil's house than his dorm, with most of his stuff there. It started as him coming by regularly to "do his laundry" in Phil's washing machine but then he just kinda. Latched onto him like moss

According to a more recent video when Dan went on his we're all doomed tour, the longest that had been apart before then, SONCE 2009, was like a week. Girl.

Anyways they started doing videos together and eventually became one of the BIG YouTube channels , and also started getting shipped under the shipname "Phan". Far from being repulsed by this, they went out of their way to stalk Tumblr tags and read fanfiction in their videos, even featuring well done fanart. Even outside of Phan, like, they had a thing where for a bit every video would feature a drawing where someone drew Phil naked and they called it "today's draw Phil naked". That being said they regularly claimed to like women and be straight.

There was also some truthing and harassment with some of the more disrespectful Phan shippers who didn't follow the rules of RPF, because a lot of people didn't really know how to go about it back then and also there were some genuine assholes. So that was less fun then the normal shipping.

They launched a gaming channel at some point in I think 2016? And also released a book and a tour, which is available on DVD also.

Then they went on hiatus, and it was radio silence for YEARS .....UNTIL ......

THEY BOTH RELEASE COMING OUT VIDEOS AND COME OUT AS GAY.

Dan also talked about how it was "obvious that we're more than just friends" and everyone knew it, because. Yeah. And says that they're also more than romantic- SOULMATES, destined to be together, put on this earth so they could meet online and become Dan and Phil. Okay girl

They regularly make references to loving each other but refuse to specifically, in plain terms, tell the press they are dating, because of privacy reasons. Some people think it's a "we only want the people who get it to get it" situation, some people think their relationship is actually queerplatonic or something, but regardless there's something queer going on and they aren't hiding that anymore, nor the fact that they are life partners, but wether or not they apply a traditional "boyfriend" label to it is something they refuse to answer. Which is honestly ICONIC???

They designed a house together, had it built, and now live there together in their lovely phouse, and have also started adding the prefix "ph" to things to denote that they're Dan and Phil or Phandom related, something the Phans have also picked up. The regularly make jokes about Phan and also about not just having sex, but even their specific dynamic? Phil is apparently a pillow princess who Dan doms. Like. Okay.

They're notoriously co-dependent, they go everywhere together, if one person opens their phone the other will also look because everything they own is shared and they just use apps together like that? Like. Phil will get a text or vice versa and they'll BOTH LOOK and respond. They also tag all their posts on Instagram as shared like, basically ever since that's been a feature.

They bicker a lot and it's so silly,,, poggers

They ALSO are well known for dropping massive bombshells on their fanbase or being chaotic to them for fun. Tormenting them back for the phanfiction, as it were.

Anyway. In 2015 there was a famous Tumblr heritage post called "but seriously imagine it" where someone said this

Today marks the 15th anniversary of Dan and Phil's first meetup, that fateful day when Dan got off that train and first saw Phil in person....but it ALSO is, wildly, a day where later tonight in American Time (so most people farther up will be asleep), all of the bands in this post are performing on the same stage.

Dan and Phil have REFERENCED THIS POST recently in the leadup to this and even brought a cardboard cutout of Gerard Way out at one of their shows, so the phandom is BUZZING because of the possibility of some stunt related to the post, AND the fact it's also ON THEIR PHANIVERSARY.

this has kicked off the Phantoberfest/Pharmageddon where everyone has the same profile picture, and also lots of edits celebrating 15 years, lots of memes, and general shit posting and panic as everyone anticipates whatever shit these guys are about to get up to next.

[battry-acid]

Hey dude I totally don’t know at all you should totally write a manifesto on trans/intersex wolverine ooooo you wanna write it so bad ooooooo

you tease me, tumblr user that i am definitely not friends with. we both know this is bait i simply cannot help but bite. << if you read this till the end you get a surprise :) >>

i could go on a big long rant and list every single instance in which logan defies gender norms in the comics, but i'm gonna try to be brief this time. my headcanon that logan is trans/intersex is so personal and deeply rooted in my mind that discussing it kinda feels like sharing the secrets of a close friend if that makes sense. like, it's his business, it ain't my right to share that information.

i know there are trans logan truthers out there. i have seen them in the wild. i know there are people who would agree with this headcanon, and i'm sure i'm not the only one who takes trans headcanons super personally as a trans person, projecting your experiences and feelings onto a character you really like. it's the same thing with ol' logan (and kurt is not spared of this treatment either).

with the intersex headcanon, i don't often see those enough (for any character, in any fandom, honestly) especially considering intersex people make up, like, 2% of the entire world population. i know of several canon intersex characters in media, but not headcanons.

the biggest reason many people have the trans logan headcanon is because of his clone x-23/laura having XX chromosomes due to the sample used by dr. kinney having a damaged Y, making her 'female'. this is going off of a ciscentric intersex-exclusionary idea of what biological sex is, though.

i'm still totally down for the base concept of 'laura and logan having different gender identities means that at least one of them is trans since they have basically the same DNA' though, but i think both logan and laura are intersex. i think part of the reason it was so hard to clone wolverine is because of his unique DNA. it isn't contradictory for them to have different gender identities or different biology. i think we should stop looking for a reason to label laura Girl and logan Boy and just accept that they can be neither, both, in and out of the between, anything, it just requires so much less hassle. why is their biology so important anyway? that doesn't change their characters.

there's also just...general biological fuckery happening in the weapon x program as pointed out by 1random-starfish because this is superhero comics we're talking about where they're trying to explain how characters get superpowers. this shit doesn't make biological sense and that's okay. it doesn't need to make sense. transphobes and interphobes are constantly saying that our existences "don't make sense" and why should we ever even slightly cater to their beliefs? we make sense to ourselves and that's all that matters. trans and intersex logan makes sense to me.

another argument brought up in defence of trans logan is the fact that he's a short king. as a short king, i approve of this. but there's little emphasis on the fact that he is naturally extremely hairy, both him and sabretooth are super hairy, like way more so than most other characters (besides the ones that are covered in fur like kurt and hank) and that's pretty significant to me. i'm also hairy as fuck. almost all of my intersex friends are hairy too. obviously how much hair a trans and/or intersex person has will vary, but like i said, this trans/intersex logan headcanon is super personal, so i'm projecting personal attributes onto him, damn it.

as i said in a previous post, though i don't feel it's incredibly important to disclose, logan likely has POTS or CAH or something similar to those conditions. i don't think medicine can or should define what logan is. but just to give a reference for how i interpret his appearance, some of those attributes are similar to the ones logan has in my brain. fat, hairy, short, often experiencing fatigue/vertigo/disturbed sleep/etc (worsened by him having PTSD), adrenal issues (paired with PTSD), breast tissue, facial hair, decreased bone density (which was strengthened by his skeleton being bonded with adamantium), etc. he was also allegedly a very sickly child.

onto how i portray logan in my art. some artists prefer to give him top surgery, not just for the "who cares it's a headcanon i do what i want" reasoning but also because there's evidence that logan could experience a permanent surgery like that if enough effort was put in. i, however, am one of the no-op logan truthers. not only do not all transmasc people get top surgery but it doesn't always feel required due to diversity of body types. it's why there's so many different kinds of top surgery, there's so many different ways a chest can look. i don't always draw logan's chest the same way consistently, and like, who cares. the only reason i bring this up is because i personally will never draw logan with any kind of scars, top surgery or otherwise, because of my understanding of how his healing factor works.

regardless of any reasoning i may have for these headcanons, it's just what i feel is right. i draw stuff how i want to. i think about these characters how i want to. the little version of logan that lives in my brain told me he is trans and intersex so that's how i'm gonna portray him. anyway,

[racingheartstopper]

Hi, I was reading the posts about “calling Lestappen is a stupid ship”, and reminds me of how I begin to ship Lestappen this year (not a very nice year to begin hah). Sorry if i do things wrong first time use anon ask (i dont even think i turned on ask anonymously)

It is exactly because they are not friends (let alone besties). They get along with each other well but they are not friends. I didn’t ship them when I begin to watch F1 racing, and began to wow when I saw Max looking at Charles. I thought they weren’t familiar with each other, but turns out Max cares a lot about Charles, so I was like LEMME SEE WHATS HAPPENING HERE. The fact that they enjoy staying with each other, both live in Monaco, having common friends but choose not to hang out too much is so interesting and funny. It’s more like they choose not to hang out together. I honestly dont think they will run out of topic when they sit together, but they choose not to do so is something I can’t get over with. Just like how they are not following each other on Instagram. And that famous video Charles cannot answer if Max is pretty kicks me into Lestappen!!! Charles is PR trained even during that time, but he made that question so awkward it’s almost like he tries too hard to hide the feelings that he forgot to put the proper PR face on. And he cannot stop thinking about Max after that question, he even give the light colour eye question for free. Like I know immediately he was fully thinking about Max for that ten or something seconds. Something between them made them not besties, not gonna hang out too often, too simple to say rivals, too much complex feelings. 

And how rb pr treats Lestappen ship. Max is the type of person cannot pr even if he tries. The rb pr does it in such a smart way that almost make me feel its because it would be better to put this into the sun rather than pretend the feelings never exists.

I think if one day they become besties, openly follow each other’s account, hang out often, openly say they think the other one looks so handsome all ppl in paddock are crazy about other, and hug each other firmly properly like how they choose to do to others, that’s the day I can officially graduate from the ship.

Sorry this is long, its just that blog you reposted reminds me a lot of how I begin to ship Lestappen. Enjoy the day :DDD

Hi, don’t worry, my first time using it too!

And I so get what you are saying! For me it was kind of the same, only a bit earlier. Somewhere early in ‘21. Was just online when I saw something lestappen. And I was like those two don’t even like each other. And bear in mind there used to be a lot less content and interactions than we have now. But the dynamic got me hooked.

After that the story kind of wrote itself.

It’s just fun. And at the end of the day. A ship is all it is and hope we can enjoy that peacefully in the confinement’s of tumblr

[olderthannetfic]

I don’t know if it's appropriate on this blog but I'm just going for it. How do people make friends in fandom? How do you all manage it? I've been bouncing from fandom to fandom for more than 15 years and have been mostly lurking for the better part of those years. It has been very hard to find friends just in general because of my shyness and all this antiship/proship discourse is making it even harder to even consider putting myself out there. Everyone just seems insufferable. Even the ship and let ship crowd.

A thing I've noticed is that while the proship spaces have better attitudes towards fiction/fandom/fanfic in general there exists this weird hate boner about people with canon ships (in my personal experience, just last week I stumbled on a tweet from a self identified proship account telling people that they shouldn't read fanfic of their blorbos because they are canonically together which made me go huh) and there exists this strange superiority complex, a "you're not enlightened like me" attitude (it's very strange and especially prominent among people who identify as proship and ship the big m/m ship in fandoms of material catered towards male audiences, ik this because I was guilty of this superiority too at one point). Honestly, this "enlightenment", the hypocrisy of preaching ship and let ship but only the way I deem correct (last week I saw a big a proship account shade shippers of a specific rival ship right under their thread about how we shouldn't generalize and I think I lost brain cells) and condescending attitude of "I am not boring like you" and "You're doing fandom wrong" is one of the reasons that has turned me off those spaces more and more. I've noticed it once and can't unsee it because it all gives off this mean girl (gender neutral) energy and puts me off interacting.

On the other hand a lot of the ship and let ship spaces that prefer the canon ships tend to be very anti adjacent even if they actually practice ship and let ship (screaming and crying about sexualization of minors, throwing out phrases like porn addict around). I've seen some very strange sentiments about Europeans there (like thanks for informing me that all of us are monstrous bloodthirsty cannibals I guess) and Japan (which is ironic because it's mostly anime fandoms doing it). It doesn't make me wanna associate with them either.

--

*dying*

Nonnie, do you know how staggeringly often I get this question?

A big part of the answer is to not be a lurker. There are reasonable people out there, but they're much less visible than loud assholes, so the best way to find them is for them to find you.

Many of my closest fandom friends are people I met offline, either because they live near me or because we went to cons together. Others are people who turned up in replies on tumblr regularly. You need repeated contact that's memorable enough to recall the person as a distinct individual. I sometimes find that hard online. It really depends on frequency and them having something to say plus a good writing voice.

I know lots of people are shy or prefer to be lurkers. I get why. But you'll rarely meet anyone that way.

[psychabolition]

saw ur post about wanting asks

what is ur thoughts on the aspd or maybe cluster b community in general on social media/tumblr? what about cluster b influencers?

honestly I feel like aspd is a diagnosis that most people reject since the reason people get diagnosed with it is that you dont feel bad about an extreme deviancy from societal norms. why would you accept a diagnosis that pathologizes that?Wheres the benefit in that? Especially bc its often in a setting that also criminalizes you and is very obviously forced onto you and thus unwanted (court mandated therapy).

Thats why its always fascinating to me who the demographic of people actually are that accept that diagnosis for themselves and actually view themselves and their experiences the same way their therapists/psychology tells them to. Who finds comfort in this extremely stigmatizing label and the inhumane treatment it accompanies and why ?

I think its mostly people who first found comfort in other labels that are less stigmatizing via the usual "relief of shame that comes with saying that its a disease causing us to not be able to do something that is expected societally instead of feeling like we ARE a bad person for thinking/feeling/doing 'bad/immoral things' and then also accepting an aspd diagnosis as fitting afterwards. Also fitting into several pathologizing labels (=diagnoses) in the first place also means that youve probably experienced more violence (psychiatric abuse/child abuse/social ostracization/patriarchal violence/racism/...) and had/have less community to help you through it and thus also were then less able to find identity and language for the way that youre different from others through a community and a non-conformist way of living together, than others did who might only get labelled w aspd. the social ostracization/lack of community an thus lack of language for our experiences then also makes you more susceptible to accepting an aspd diagnosis since after (self) diagnosis you finally have words for the ways that you deviate from neuronormativity.

But to me the aspd label is the worst possible lens through which we can of interpret our own norm deviancy, honestly. you really notice that with cluster b influencers in general where its really obvious that they think theyre evil irredemable people. Like when they say extremely dehumanizing things about themselves like: "I need supply from people to function otherwise I crash!". they would benefit greatly from trying to humanize their experiences and getting rid off this pathologization that they internalized. I cant even imagine what it means for their personal life to actually say all these things about themselves and others that all literally convey that they are people that are not to be trusted . like they legit say things like "all my relationships are transactional, I use people for my own benefit and I cant feel love for anyone" and expect their friends to still like them? LOL. Like I mean I ALSO fit the aspd criteria haha dont get me wrong but its the worst most dehumanizing way to interpret your own experiences.

though generally I think ppl who are labelled w cluster B PDs are all awesome and I can only hope for all of us that we find new non-stigmatizing depathologized language for ourselves and community through which we can find a real meaningful identity , acceptance and support in our norm-deviancy outside of pathologization via psychology and also healing through a community that holds emotional space and understanding for the abuse and ostracization that we have faced in the past and shows solidarity in our present struggles. I think especially people labelled w aspd are cool as fuck since ,to me, we are literally born anarchists. I often think about what difference it would make if we all got radicalized politically - all psych wards would burn immediatly . Pathologizing us is always a means of trying to neutralize dissent and resistance to the social order. This is why we're perceived as a threat in the first place, because we are one.

Thanks for the ask. I'd love to hear other anti psych opinions on the aspd /cluster b community !

[fereldanwench]

A Personal, and Final, Reflection on A Certain Fandom

Having spent the past week and a half away from the Tumblr side of the C*b*rp*nk community after a resurgence of old wank (not hashing out the details–IYKYK), I heavily weighed the pros and cons of saying anything else. Ultimately, I decided for my own peace of mind and ability to fully move forward, I do want to say a few things (or a lot of things, given how long this is). This blog is my personal archive first and foremost, and I think writing a “final chapter” will help me find closure. I’m also choosing to publish this because, at the risk of sounding presumptuous, I think my mistakes and subsequent revelations might be good learning experiences for others, too. 

Like many of us, just by the nature of when this game was released, I entered this fandom during a very fragile, tumultuous time in my life–Well, sort of, let me back it up a little: I actually initially entered it during a great time in my life. It was July 2021, I had just enjoyed about 6 weeks off from work after quitting a demanding job that had sucked the life out of me for almost 10 years, and I had started a promising new job. I even bought the game with the first paycheck from said new job!

Unfortunately, while I had been told that this position was temp-to-hire, not only was it not a path to a permanent role, but because I completed all the work in my contract over a month sooner than they anticipated (early September vs late October), I was being let go early because they had nothing else for me to work on. I was literally told over the phone, “You did amazing work, you got us caught up through November, but we don’t have anything else for you.”

Cue about 6 months of recruiters ghosting me, exhausting interview processes, demoralizing rejections, and scam upon scam upon scam, all culminating in me returning to the job I had been so happy to leave a year earlier. And while my old coworkers were ecstatic to have me back, I couldn’t help but feel like a complete failure. I took what I thought was a calculated risk, I thought I could do something better for myself, and I couldn’t. It’s something I’m still struggling with today, honestly.

On top of this, I also experienced a debilitating physical health episode in January 2022 which led to me being effectively bedridden for about 3 weeks. [CW: Menstruation, sexual health] I’m not sure of the exact cause–maybe a bad reaction to emergency contraception, maybe unsafe menstrual underwear, but it resulted in menorrhagia so severe I fainted from blood loss. My insurance had literally just ended, another wave of COVID was hitting, and I didn’t want to risk getting infected sitting in an ER for hours only to rack up a few thousand in debt to get a blood transfusion. So rest, iron supplements, and lots of meat and spinach and orange juice was the best I could do.

All of this led to my world becoming very small. I wasn’t working, I could barely do my hobbies or see my local friends, and simple everyday tasks like showering drained me of all my energy. When I was stuck in bed and could barely keep my eyes open for more than a few hours at a time, gossip was a welcome, low-effort distraction from the physical pain and fear that I might either have to put myself in thousands of dollars of medical debt or risk lifelong damage (or worse) from the blood loss.

I also found myself having groups of friends in a way I’ve never experienced before. I’m extremely introverted (even online, though less so than IRL), I have social anxiety, and the handful of times I have been “in” a group I was never really in it. I was always on the outskirts and usually just close to one or two people, max.

Regretfully, this set the stage for me to get caught up in the culture of rumors and speculation that permeates this fandom more than I think it has any other fandom I’ve been a part of.

Academically, I know about things like groupthink and tribalism, and I could see how those influenced the groups developing in the fandom, but I had no direct, personal experience with those phenomena. I think in conjunction with the other struggles I was dealing with, I ended up being incredibly susceptible to an us-versus-them mentality, which led me to feel justified in being unkind to people I knew had been unkind to my friends, even if deep down I knew what I was doing was antithetical to who I strive to be. 

I don’t share any of this for sympathy points or to smear anyone else or to avoid accountability–I still chose to act like an ass on a couple of occasions, and regardless of what I was going through, that was still inappropriate. I’m still responsible for my own behavior no matter what’s going on. 

But I do want to contextualize my fuck-ups for two reasons:

The first reason is ego-driven, full-stop. Not even gonna gloss it over. I can’t defend being an asshole nor do I want to, but I think it’s normal and healthy to look back on your mistakes and go, damn, why the hell was I acting like this? 

Even on my best days, I can be very stubborn and self-important and pedantic and judgemental, and I certainly can’t say that I’ve never inadvertently offended someone–Sometimes a joke might not land as I hoped. Sometimes I get tangled up in my own thoughts, burdened by an excess of nuance and details, and I express things poorly while I try to account for all sides of things. Sometimes I can get a little too opinionated about blorbo stuff. Sometimes there might just be a full communication breakdown or an insurmountable personality clash–But I can also confidently say that I have acted with good intentions in this fandom far, far more than I have with spite or because of petty rivalries.

And when I did get caught up in the drama and gossip and the wank? I was literally at the lowest point I’d been in a very, very long time. 

Again, because I feel like I can’t say this enough, that doesn’t make acting like a dick in a Discord server any more excusable, that doesn’t mean I didn’t hurt anyone, and that doesn’t mean that someone I hurt during that time has to forgive me or stick around for me to grow. Hurting someone because you’re hurting is still not okay. But I’m pretty sure every single one of us has had a bad day (or two or three or 365 or–) and made an isolated bad decision (or two or three or–) because of it–None of us deserve to be wholly defined by those moments or denied a chance to learn from those mistakes and be better.

And I think the most important takeaway for me personally is that I have learned from these mistakes and I have not repeated them. Some of these mistakes even helped me realize that I needed professional support for my mental health, and they played a role in my seeking medication and therapy last year. I still have a lot of work to do, but the silver lining to all of this is that I am in a much better place today than I was 2 years ago (even if this year also fucking sucks for non-fandom reasons and I would still very much like a goddamn break.)

The other reason I wanted to share my journey of navel-gazing and healing a wounded ego ~*self-discovery*~ is I think there’s a very good chance my story might sound familiar to others in the fandom. Maybe someone else can learn from my hardships and mistakes, too. Maybe you too were dealing with chronic fatigue or mental health issues or financial stress or isolation or all of the above and then some, and it led you to fixate on things that were harmful to you, to form unhealthy relationships with equally hurt people, and to act in a way that you know doesn't reflect who you are. The past several years have been so hard on so many of us, and I think we’ve all brought a lot of pain and misery into the community even if we weren’t trying to.

A somewhat shameful realization I had last year was I could recognize that kind of behavior in other people, but I completely missed it in myself. I could see how people were making this fandom their whole world and how it was so damaging to them, but I was doing the exact same thing and I just let it go completely unchecked because I thought I knew better. It was a brutal lesson in the pitfalls of pride. 

--------

So I was initially thinking at this point, I would take the time to address a few specific lies, rumors, and insinuations that have been said about me over the past couple of years. Because while I was a jerk in a couple of situations, most of the things said about me are exaggerations, if not outright fabrications.

And I did start writing a lot of that out, but as I was doing it, I was just overcome with a huge feeling of OH MY GOD I just don’t fucking care anymore. As one of my dear, long-time fandom friends has pointed out, there’s a great line about just this kind of thing from one of my favorite characters in one of my favorite games: “Why should it [bother me]? They don’t know me. I know me.”

I also really don’t want to run the risk of pulling anyone back into the fray (especially if they’re not even in the fandom anymore or if we’ve talked privately about certain issues) by even alluding to shit that happened years ago.

Instead, I would like to offer three of my big takeaways from the experience of being falsely accused of awful things:

You do not know nearly as much as you think you know about people’s fandom relationships. The one semi-specific thing I will mention is that I had been explicitly named a few times as being in cahoots with people I don’t think I ever even spoke to or that I had already drifted away from–Just because you saw two people existing in the same public space doesn’t mean they’re besties, bestie. Also, friends don’t always have to agree with each other, nor should we be expected to participate in a public spectacle of shaming if we do have a disagreement. People are allowed to resolve their differences privately.  

Not all conflicts/disagreements are inherently abusive or toxic. When you are hurting or dealing with unresolved trauma or starting to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself, the slightest disagreement can feel like a personal attack, but that doesn’t mean it is. Sometimes differences might be irreconcilable, but sometimes they might not be if you don’t automatically assume the worst of someone with a different perspective than you. Sometimes we just need to give the other person a little grace and the benefit of the doubt that they’re doing their best. And sometimes we might need to consider that it’s actually our own behavior driving the conflict and not the other person.

Even in situations when someone has clearly been unfairly targeted/victimized, that doesn’t mean they can’t also be a perpetrator of harassment/abuse to someone else. Victim and abuser are not mutually exclusive roles. I would wager a lot of us are familiar with the cyclical nature of abuse, and to quote a line from one of my favorite movies (admittedly a bit of a flippant line in the context of the film, but it still rings true): hurt people hurt people. Accountability for shitty behavior is never conditional, regardless of the pain we’re experiencing. 

--------

I titled this my final reflection, and I want to clarify what that means:

First of all, I’m not leaving this fandom (don’t everyone clap at once ha ha ha). I’ve been in various online fandoms since the early 00s, and while this has been one of the more challenging communities for me to navigate, it’s not enough to make me give up something I love this much. My blorbos are my perpetual muses, and I feel like virtual photography is the creative outlet I’ve been searching for my entire life. I love this game and hobby too much to stop creating and sharing.

I’m also not leaving Tumblr. While I’ve had this specific account since 2016, I’ve been here since 2010–Tumblr is not just this fandom for me. I have many friends (some I’ve known since my original account in 2010!) from other fandoms, and I’m not losing the best place to hang out with other people who are special to me just because one fandom got a little unpleasant. (I mean, look, I weathered the DA fandom here circa 2012-2015–This ain’t my first rodeo.) I also have a lot of hope for the Tumblr Communities feature, and I’m really hoping the VP community we’ve set up can continue to grow and flourish.

But I am no longer addressing any of this wank. If you have a problem with something I’ve done or said to you and you want to address it with me directly (preferably in a private space just so we don’t keep putting this shit on people’s dashboards), I am open to conversation and apologizing where needed.

Otherwise, this is the last time I’m talking about it anywhere. Tumblr, Twitter, Discord, publicly, privately–I’m done. I’m washing my hands of it. I don’t want to hear anything else about what other people have done or who they’re friends with or who they’re following or what they’re saying about me or my friends or any of it. This bullshit has taken up too much of my time and energy, and I have very important smutty shots to take. 

And I am probably going to continue to be less active in the fandom on Tumblr, at least for a while. You probably won’t see me here much until September at the earliest. This time away has been really good for me, and I think I need to continue with limited Tumblring and making the time I am here more structured. Plus, with some of my other fave video game series returning this fall, my blog will probably shift back to a more well-balanced multi-fandom space. 

I’m also going to need to diversify my dash a little bit more, which means I will likely end up unfollowing some mutuals, particularly if we don’t interact often, if you don’t tag, or if I see any mention of fandom drama–It’s nothing personal, but I know breaking mutualship can hurt a little, so if following me after that makes you uncomfortable in any way, please don’t feel like you have to stick around. I totally get it. Similarly, if it would make you uncomfortable for me to continue to interact with your posts after unfollowing (because I probably will if you post in certain tags), please feel free to block me. 

Okay. Christ, that was long. Shut the fuck up already, right? This is why I can't do social media with character limits. ghdfjgjhkfdgkfdg

Seriously, though, that's it. People are welcome to comment on this post if they want, but I really have nothing else to say about any of this so please don’t be offended if I don’t reply. I’m not ignoring you, I’m just… Well, done.

[formulapookie]

!!!

Under the cut to read on tumblr, here to read on Ao3 chapter 1; chapter 2; chapter 3

Moonlight kissses ch.4 bezzetti, 1.5k words

It’s been one month now, Bez hasn’t come to the Ranch at all, saying he hasn’t been well, that Aprilia is asking him to go to the GQ more often. The boys forced him to block Bez on all and every social media, whatsapp included, they told him there’s no reason he should waste time hoping he’ll come back, they told him to inform them if Bez is ever to contact him after what he did, Pecco especially, Cele feels like the older rider could beat Bez up if he sees him walking in less than a 20 meters radius from him.

“Celin listen he’s a piece of shit, he doesn’t deserve your tears”“It’s my fault Pecco, only mine, if I wasn’t so fucking boring and annoying he wouldn’t have left”“Look at me. If he did that it means he would’ve done it anyway, and it’s not your fault, he’s a fucking cheater and he deserves everything bad that can happen to him”“No don’t say that, don’t -  I don’t want him to hurt”“You still love him? After what he did?“Yes. He’s the love of my life Pecco you don’t get I only ever had him, he was the only one who actually put up with me, waited for me to be ready to have sex and a whole load of other things I never found in anyone else”

Pecco honestly wanted to cry, because seeing a soul so fragile and nice get treated and broken like this hurts a lot.Seeing Cele shame himself, set himself as the fault of what happened felt like a blade in his stomach.

And Cele feels like shit, he hasn’t been able to sleep more than two consecutive hours without waking up and cry, without reaching for someone that doesn’t sleep in the same bed as him anymore, he spent two whole days not eating or drinking, almost passing out a few times, he couldn’t bring himself to leave his house for a whole fucking week.

And now he’s in this horrid and dirty club, that smells like cigarettes and cheap alcohol, mixed with sweat and the unpleasant and heavy odour of hormones. He’s trying to get back on his feet, but every guy he matches with on Grindr or tinder or whatever fucking dating app he uses, thay all resemble Bez a bit, the curly hair, the tattoos, the piercing.

And right now he’s dancing in this stupid club, he came here just to find someone to fuck him, to forget about Bez, to show himself first he’s not boring like Bez said, that he can be someone Bez would want to be with.

He can feel the eyes on him, all of them, disgusting and viscid, of these men looking for prey for the night. And Cele seems to be the preferred target by at least two of them, while others tend to change candidates switching from him to others, those two are fixated on him.

And he feels dirty already, an uneasy feeling under his skin, like if petroleum is running in his veins instead of blood. He keeps on dancing, swaying his hips and hair more and more, the friend he came with already gone with someone.

He’s alone, prey to those hunting gazes, and needs it. Needs to be desired, wanted, lusted after because if he doesn’t then what’s he doing here?

If nobody wants him in a sick and twisted way then Bez was right, he was boring and he had been right in breaking up with him.

The two men obviously came in together, because they move in unison after giving a signal to each other. They basically cage him between their bodies, one of the two, the one behind him, takes Cele’s hips between his hands, moving them to a rhythm which goes along with the song currently playing.

The man in front looks like he’s studying him, gaze predatory and cruel, as his eyes fixate on the boy’s neck. The man in front leans in and whispers in cele’s ear, his voice is cutting and his hands begin to wander disgustingly close to his dick, but Cele needs exactly this, to be wanted and taken so he can shut off his brain.

“You’re really pretty you know that? What’s your name?” “Celestino, Cele if you will” “Mh it’s a sweet name for a sweet boy”

The second line is spoken by the guy behind him, his voice is deeper, rougher, it’s more enjoyable that the first.

“Me and my friend here were wondering if you’d want to come home with us, you know we think you can use some fun”

Cele feels sick. He is on the verge of saying no, running out the club and throwing up, but then Bez’s words come back to his mind.

“Stop what? You asked why and I told you, maybe if you were less boring I would’ve stuck around”

He needs to prove himself he’s not boring, that he’s more than the words that hurt him.

“Yeah why not? You lead the way?”

Cele smiles at the man, and feels the one behind him letting go of his hips to place a hand on the small of his back, leading him towards the exit. The one in front opens the door for them, a sick grin on his face.

“Please after you”

The three of them walk a small five minutes distance until they reach a beautiful hotel, one of those where rich fuckers stay, Cele thinks, maybe it’s nice inside then. They get in the hall and take the elevator up to the seventh floor, then go into  a room. It is fancy Cele can’t lie, but the air feels thick, especially when the man in front takes him by the hips and pulls him against his body, sitting on the edge of the bed and manhandling him on his lap. The other grabs the hem of the shirt Cele is wearing and pulls it up, past his head, leaving him half naked on the man’s lap.

“You’re really really pretty you know that?”

Cele forces out a thanks, a smile even, and goes to unbutton the shirt of the one in front of him.

“Oh eager boy I see”

Fuck he wants to throw up. He finishes unbuttoning the shirt and the man takes it off, getting Cele more on his lap, and Cele can feel he’s hard, can also hear the man behind him getting undressed, the rustling of clothes hitting the floor heavy in the back of his mind.

“Get on your knees pretty boy”

He doesn’t protest, just climbs down the man’s lap and sinks down between his legs.

“My friend first, he’s the one who spotted you, think he deserves a little something no?” “Yes”

It’s forced, fake, dripping with rejection, but both men are far too stupid or horny to get it, so he gets away with it. Cele turns around and unbuckles the man’s pants, unzipping and pulling them down, then it’s the briefs turn, they feel infected under his touch but he does his best to ignore that feeling.

He tugs them down and strokes the man’s dick before wrapping his lips around it, his tongue under the head, and begins moving. The man puts a hand on his head, locking fingers in his hair, and without a warning starts taking control of the pace.

“Fuck your throat is so fucking tight”

Cele closes his eyes, tries to visualise this man as Marco, it hurts less.

But he’s not gentle like him, he’s rough, demanding and only cares for his release. It’s difficult, but after all, Cele thinks, he said yes , he looked for this, the unfiltered lust.

So he takes it, takes it when the man comes down his throat, takes it when he’s placed on the bed again, the other guy not even bothering prepping him, just sliding in like that, luckily he wore a condom at least, but still, it’s belittling.

He takes it when he has to feel that man’s lips on his neck, when the other guy switches with him to take his place inside Cele, thrusting with even more intensity, it’s not bad sex, it’s just - they’re not Marco. But no one beside Marco is Marco after all, so he better just enjoy what he has and accept he is out of his life.

The second guy despite being rougher is better, he hits his prostate a few times, makes him come, Cele exaggerates the moans and the reactions, but it’s fine. This is not boring. When he comes he knows it’s over, the first guy is already dressed up again, the second one has the heart to toss him a towel at least, so he can clean himself up.

“You were really good pretty boy, maybe we can have fun a few more times” “Yeah maybe”

He gives them his number, safer than instagram, maybe the two don’t know he’s a rider, no need to give them more power. He leaves the hotel with a veil of shame clothing him like a cape, but it’s ok.

He’s not boring, he’s not boring. He is not boring.

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Him and I

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x Wife!Reader

Summary: Daryl and his wife get separated at the fall of the prison but both manage to escape with another member of their crowd. After the reader and Glenn find Abraham and their group, almost after accepting they'll never find the rest of their families, they stumble in to Terminus. Will they be reunited or will the current state of the world impede them once more?

Word Count: 2k

Warnings: Mentions of alcohol and drugs, violence, swearing, mentions of loss, feeling of anxiety/dread.

A/n: This fic is directly based on a request (that tumblr ate) by @bringinsexybackk69! I'm so sorry it took so long for me to get back to this, it's honestly just been so hard for me to write things that aren't blurbs and with the lack of TWD content, it's been dry over here. Thank you for your patience, I adore you! This is not entirely canon since my memory is faulty and I can't currently watch TWD so I'm going off of vibes and vague memory.

When we got to the prison, we thought it was going to be the end all, the place we could stay for as long as we chose to live, where we would raise children, form new bonds and relationships, just overall be safe and enjoy life.

But we thought the same thing about the farm and we all know what happened to that dream.

When the prison fell, I assumed that I would never see any of my family again, my closest friends, my husband. I woke up, alone, on the floor of the prison after Daryl shoved me in a cell and told me to stay put. It took nearly an hour for me to fight my way through walkers to get out into the air and that's when I saw the tanks and Hershel.

My heart broke.

When I found Glenn, I had a little bit of hope that we'd find people the longer we looked around the prison but the longer we looked, the less we found and the more dangerous it got. We were trapped and we couldn't wait around for people to show up. So we left.

"Glenn, where would Maggie go? If something happened, where would she go?" I ask Glenn frantically as we walk side by side, gun by gun, down the rural gravel path, my feet kicking frustratedly at stones with every step we take.

"I don't know, Y/n. We never thought we'd ever be away from each other ever again." Glenn is more frustrated than I am, jaw tense and fists clenched at his side. Without us, I'm convinced he wouldn't last, he's so emotional and gets so easily frustrated whereas I am the opposite.

Cool as a cucumber.

Just like Daryl taught me.

Daryl and I met at the farm.

I stumbled, quite literally, upon them with my arm bit and my whole body sore from carrying my own weight at least a mile or two. I'd say that our first impressions were kind and that we fell in love at first sight but it wasn't and we didn't. He, with the assistance of Hershel,  chopped my arm off to prevent the infection from spreading and inevitably saved my life.

We were all shocked to see that it worked.

Daryl would take care of me, bring me things from the forest like little flowers that he claimed to remind him so much of me even though he'd joke that I'm nothing like a flower. He'd bring me food while I was resting in bed, he'd offer to take me on walks- overall, he was an angel and it was hard not to fall in love with him.

He'd tell you that he fell in love with me when I nearly fell in the well three weeks after my amputation.

Don't ask.

We were inseparable from then on in. He was my right hand man (pun so much intended) and he taught me everything I needed to know. I learned how to hunt with one hand, cook, skin animals, fend for myself because he always wanted me to feel and be capable if anything were to ever happen to him.

He's the most selfless, kind hearted, protective man I've ever had the pleasure of meeting.

When the farm was overtaken by walkers and we had to run, it was the first thing to really test mine and Daryl's relationship but also to test my lack of two arms. It was difficult for me to keep up and it was even more frustrating for Daryl to take care of me while saving the asses of everyone else.

"Are you good?" Daryl asks me, spinning around on his bike to look back at me with a worried expression, brows tugged firmly together in fear. He checks me out once, doing a once over to make sure I'm a-okay and when I nod, he loosens up a bit.

"I'm okay. Just a little spooked." I'm trembling like a leaf against him and he finally steps off his bike and moves to wrap his arms around me without another word.

He holds me tightly to his chest, cradling my head as softly as he can as tears flow freely from my eyes, my arm aching in a phantom pain from all the stress of wishing I was more capable, wishing Daryl didn't need to take care of and comfort me all the time.

"I got you, okay? I'm here."

When we found the rest of the group and found the prison, it was like we were drawn to it. We had to clear it out, we had to make it our own, make it safe. We had a baby on the way, Lori was nearly due and with the loss of a few of our people, we needed to regroup and have a place where we could just be.

But it fell, it went to hell, like everywhere else had since the world fell.

When we Glenn and I escaped, it wasn't exactly a match made in Heaven. We weren't the most compatible to work together, always bickering and fighting over the stupidest shit and ruining plans, just like siblings.

But after days and days of walking and arguing, we found Abraham and it was as if everything just got better. It was no longer the two of us and, after all those years of not seeing him, it was strangely nice to be reunited with him on the road.

"Abe?" The ginger's head snaps around at my voice, turning away from his two friends with wide eyes, gaze locking on mine as I grin ridiculously, my feet carrying me towards him without another word.

"Well holy shit, where did you come from?" He chuckles heartily and I feel tears springing behind the lids of my eyes. "I missed you, kid."

Abraham and I were stationed together in the Middle East for too long, learning the ins and outs of each other and becoming true best friends. When we went home, we kept in touch but when the world fell, we became a background thought in each other's minds.

So the fact that we found each other, a state away from where we grew up, it's still remarkable to this day.

Glenn and I felt better once we were with a group of people, especially since we were genuinely going to kill each other had we been stuck, just the two of us, for any longer. It was nice to meet Rosita and get to know her interesting relationship with my old friend, their oddly sexual relationship keeping the rest of us up in the middle of the night.

It made me miss Daryl, meeting all these new people- I had no one to judge people with. Glenn was no fun and always played devil's advocate and Abraham was who I wanted to judge. Daryl would've gladly sat with me and made me laugh while pointing out Rosita and Abraham's obnoxious issues with PDA or making fun of Eugene's mannerisms and nerves around Rosita.

It was alienating, how much I missed him.

My other half.

"Glenn, I don't know why you think Maggie would go to some random, probably overran 'survivalist' camp. But I think we have a better bet just wandering around looking for them." Abraham looks at me with a funny look, reaching out to shove at my shoulder as an attempt to get me to lay off Glenn but I just shake my head. I lean over Glenn's shoulder, looking at the ominous note that 'Maggie' left him and I can see the hope written on Glenn's face.

"I just have a feeling, you have to go with me on this." Glenn spins around on his heels, holding the note up in his hands with a stern, hopeful smile. "She left me a damn note, Y/n." I look back at Abraham, Rosita and Eugene and they all give me a simple shrug which forces a complaint sigh out of me.

"What you say goes."

Terminus obviously was not what we thought it was, tossed into train cars like animals and expected to turn over our weapons. Abraham called bullshit first, not daring to turn in his weapon before asking a few more questions but it was those few more questions that got us thrown into our makeshift jail in the first place.

I had accepted at that point that I would never see him ever again, that Daryl and I would never be reunited and never spend the rest of our lives together like we so desperately wanted to. 

But when he stumbled into the train car two days later to my surprise, eyes falling on me and arms immediately tossing around me, it was shocking. I didn’t even think that he was real, the way his arms felt around me, after days of not having him near me- it was an out of body experience. 

“Are you really here?” I ask, tucking my face in the crook of his neck, gripping onto the back of his shirt as if he’ll vanish from my grasp if I let him go even the slightest bit. He clings to me the same, hoisting me up into the air as I spot Abraham watching us with a proud smile on his lips that makes my stomach flutter with happy butterflies.

“I’m really here.” He whispers, rubbing my back soothingly as he sets me back down onto the floor, looking down at me with kind, protective eyes. “Fuck, I missed you.” His hands reach up, cupping my cheeks in his hands, ignoring the looks that everyone else in the car is giving us. “Where have you been?” He asks, finally taking a look around at the people around us with a relieved breath.

“With Glenn.” I huff, seeing Glenn, who has his arm around a relieved Maggie, sends me the finger from across the trai car.

“I’m so sorry.” Daryl mutters with a laugh, wrapping his arms around me again, tugging me to his chest with the plan of never letting me go.

“Never leave me alone again.” 

"What're you thinkin' about?" Daryl’s voice snaps me out of my memories, my head turning to look at him as he sets a hand on my shoulder, a soft smile on his lips. "I can see the smoke comin' out of your ears." He teases with a wink, sitting down beside me on the log that I’ve plopped on and I lean into him, letting him wrap an arm around my shoulders. 

"Thinking about when the prison fell. When we were apart."

"Why the hell're you thinking about that?" He asks, brows furrowing and a look of worry passes across his expression as he tugs me back into him, clinging to me once more just like the day that he found me. "Worst days of my life."

-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o- Taglist: @bubblebuttwade @rafelover2405 @leslienjazzy @sorceresss @grxnde-dwt @alex–awesome–22 @bunnietoof @niyamar1e @serialghost @plantlungs @geniusohn @akaliltimmytim @lilaalouuxx @xshariex @elliotsbeigeguitar @elle4404 @lelieja @srhxpci @joselyn001 @taysirene @spinkspanther @thedivineuphoria @peter-maximoffs @tsukishimawhore @poohkie90 @szlaco @distantsighs @nstyles4299 @wolflover384 @givemefoodandlovesstuff @vane28282 @yeswhatever33 @amirrahfranson @vvaalleennttiinna @f-mu @yaspillz @jeyramarie @skylievin@abbybarnes17 @jointherebellion215 @visiondaddy @steezysimfinds @its-ya-gay-boi-luigi @crunchytoenailsyum@glizzymcguirex @beth123lg @melovesmut @rafecameronswhore @ariianelle @write-from-the heart @vampviolets@haylee-e @honee-chai-tea @lokiandbuckywife

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[eastereggie]

hihi !! this is eggie/cam :] im sure that people in the kaeloo fandom recognize me so hello !!

i cannot believe that my very first own post on tumblr, especially about a fandom that ive always cherished, for 6 years now (going strong !!!!) will be about the current drama but here we go, since that shit seems to escalade to a level that i consider dangerous:

THIS IS A WHOLE BUNCH OF ADULTS FIGHTING WITH MOSTLY MINORS TO WRITE SMUT (or if you dont like the word, p0rn, because its not less than that) OF ANIMALS WHO ALSO HAPPENS TO BE KIDS. this is it. thats what the drama is about.

all the posts going around, all the victimisation, all the new s3xual fanfictions dropping for "psychological studies" or whatever all the bullshit youre telling yourself to be seen as a saint, this is what this is about: people, mostly in their late 20s, even if i recall seeing younger people being in this weird side of the fandom, fighting for their life to make their harmful headcanons (to avoid saying, again fantasies) acceptable. so ill repeat it again, for this side of the fandom and anyone else: THIS. IS. NOT. ACCEPTABLE. this is not about having a different opinion, this is not about the freedom of speech or letting people enjoy things in peace; and you cannot be upset, to the point that you are tracking IPs (thats creepy as hell btw), making whole edits about the situation (this one is just funny so i had to talk about it) because people are calling you out. you are NOT being harassed. you are NOT the victim. you are NOT defending yourself. this isnt what it is about at all. you are just an adult, watching a kid show and deciding that 90% of your fanfics about it will include sex (and not just casually, no, in EVERY CHAPTER. ew). this is just gross, and whats even worse is acting like you're not the one who should be blamed. its not new in the fandom to see people being THIS creepy, but a part of me thought that we maybe moved past this but well...

there is no other way of saying this, i really wish i could make this whole post a little bit more polite, but i genuinely think that some of you have never been confronted to the consequences of their actions, since you reassure yourself by hanging out with people as weird as you who will obviously agree with you.i used to feel disapointed, sad and upset to see people i considered as friends turning out like that, but honestly this is all just embarrassment at this point... i truly hope this whole stuff will calm down soon, though it couldve been stopped way earlier if a certain part of the fandom didnt start using tumblr to childishly provoke the people who called them out. if you want to continue being creeps, or pretend that you're not the problem, as you wish ! but dont except people to accept you or whatever, create your own "safe place" and stay in there, for the sake of everyone else. hopefully yall will grow out of your "everyone is against me" phase, even if its a little late for that considering the fact that some of you are older than 21 already :) but its never too late ! (if you made it this far i apologise for the yapping and tysm for taking the time to read all of that lol)

-eggie ^_^

[tangledbea]

Miss Loko but same time its other perfil,i need Tips from one author to another,Currently,I'm having a difficult time with my AO3 profile,especially with the arrival of my most recent fics,I wanted to know how to boost visibility so that other people can read it(Ps:if the question sounded strange,it's because I have a terrible way with words)

Oh, please, call me Bex. 😊

Honestly, I'm not the greatest when it comes to visibility. I have a somewhat large following, but that's been collected over eight years of having this blog, dedicated to a single franchise/fandom. Make sure your fic is tagged well on AO3 with the characters/friendship/romantic ships involved (remember that X Character & Y Character is indicative of a friendship and X Character x Y Character is indicative of a romantic ship), as well as relevant plot points. And then, I post a link to the fic here on Tumblr, using all the fandom tags and the characters involved in the chapter that was just posted. If you're on other social media (I'm not), post links to it there, too.

According to statistical data, the best time to post on AO3 for high visibility is Sunday, Monday and Tuesday between noon and 5:00 PM Pacific Coast Time (PST). As the week goes on, AO3 gets less traffic, so avoid posting on Friday, and don't post midnight PST to early hours of the morning PST. (In other words, @the-writer1988 and I sort of shoot ourselves in the foot by traditionally posting on Fridays. 😅)

But honestly, the best thing you can do for your own mental health in that regard is to not look at the numbers. It doesn't actually matter how many people read it or leave kudos or subscribe to it or anything else. I acknowledge that getting feedback is the lifeblood of authors, and it's emotionally discordant to say, "Write for yourself, it doesn't matter if anyone else reads it," because... yeah, it actually does. People write fanfiction for the community of it. They want to present something to the community and get feedback on it. But try not to look at the numbers.

In order to spread that community, read fics and leave comments on them (which you do! I absolutely know you're commenting on Tangled: Between the Kisses!). Build your circle here, on a Discord server, wherever. Your friends are more likely to read your fics than random strangers are.

Also, remember that not everything you write is going to be everyone's cup of tea, so don't be offended if people don't read your stuff simply because they're not interested. There's nothing wrong with people curating their fic library. Write the stories you're interested in reading, though. Don't cater to what you think people want to read. You aren't making money off of this, and you aren't beholden to the masses or a publisher. Just be true to yourself.