#honestly it's hard to do any of these with my family being dysfunctional

[mad-hunts]

as far as jack could tell, jervis was really out of it; and it made him wonder it was due to something that had happened while he was out with his father, or when they'd gotten here. perhaps both. jack gnawed on his bottom lip, his eyes darting to jervis's hands, which were flexing like he was struggling with something. an eyebrow rose as jack contemplated asking whether he needed some pain medication.

since he didn't receive an answer to his question yet, jack figured he might as well introduce himself. ❝ uhh, well, you don't have to talk to me if you aren't feeling up to it. my sister told me that you fainted in front of her out there — so, i understand if you're still feeling sick. my name is jack, ❞ he scratched at the back of his neck as he continued to observe jervis. whenever the man tried to get up, jack approached him and was about to caution jervis that maybe he shouldn't by lightly touching his shoulder.

but he remembered matilda telling him something about the other really not liking to be touched, so he merely was going to verbally tell him. up until jervis laid back down himself, anyhow. jack couldn't hold himself back from frowning at his poor present state before venturing out of the room with a 'i'll be right back.' and indeed he had been, with two different vials, alongside a few syringes to inject into that IV bag: should jervis want to be medicated. jack figured it'd be easier to just do that rather than forcing him to swallow anything.

he placed those also on the table before tilting his head at the quote jervis had said until it clicked a few seconds later, ❝ that's a quote from through the looking glass, isn't it? and one that the red queen said in the story if i remember correctly. she was basically teaching alice that staying in the same place is falling behind, right? ❞ jack squinted his eyes at that before a thought came to mind. a soft snort left him, but one that was done of an innocent sort of amusement rather than malice. ❝ that is a kind of roundabout way of talking about survival of the fittest. but hey, lewis carroll was all about the whimsy of things, i guess. and its no big deal. ❞

jack pretended not to see the tears that the other shed for jervis's own sake. the blood on his lips was something he couldn't ignore, no matter how hard he tried, though. jack grabbed a washcloth from his pack and held it out towards's jervis's hand. once it was out of his hand was when jack set down that teacup, the slightly too long stripped pants he wore swaying across the ground. ❝ mm, you and dad were both asleep for nearly four hours. sure — i don't think that's silly at all. i keep something on me all the time from when my brother, julien, was still around. ❞ the bracelet he showed the other on his right wrist then seemed to be made up entirely of tiny conch shells.

julien was a big fan of the sea, which jack thought made his death all the more crushing. after seeing the state that the stuffed animal was in, he figured that that bunny must've been really loved; though it didn't really matter by whom it was. the end result was the same, as love changes you. jack knew this well as he'd never wanted anything more than to be embraced by the warmth of it.

he quickly shook that thought off, only to grab the two vials he got from the fridge once more. ❝ eh... the four hours actually went by rather fast. ❞ jack cleared his throat then, ❝ you know, i couldn't help but notice that you aren't looking so hot still, and so i grabbed some meds for you. but i won't force you to take them. i have a pain reliever as well as something that relieves vertigo. are either, or both of these, something you want? ❞

Eigengrau.

A faint hum buzzed in his ears; his mouth was so dry it felt like he’d swallowed a wad of wool.

The thin sheet beneath him brushed his fingertips as Jervis flexed his hands, cracking his eyes open a sliver. The room tilted, everything blurring at the edges. Ah… so he had fainted. Just as he’d suspected. No glasses, then.

"Hey. Ahh, you're awake… That's awesome. How are you feeling?"

The new voice was barely a whisper, young and uncertain—belonging to a boy, maybe sixteen or eighteen by the timber. Was this another of Barton's assistants, a friend of Matilda’s, or perhaps her brother? Jervis couldn’t quite remember; hadn't Barton mentioned something about having more than one child?

He winced, his body feeling heavy, leaden; aching everywhere. Slowly, he exhaled and tried to push himself upright—tried being the keyword. The effort brought only a wave of vertigo, dizzying and blue-hot, making his vision swim.

… ohh, god…

He swallowed thickly, curling into himself. Something wasn’t right. His glasses and gloves weren’t the only thing missing. He was in his socks, jeans, and a now damp charcoal t-shirt, his body slick with cold sweat. His graying auburn curls clung to his neck in tangled ropes. His boots were beside the cot, his messenger bag on a desk across the room. His overcoat and maroon button-down were draped over a chair.

A flicker of discomfort in his right arm. Burning. Tugging.

Jervis glanced down at the source: a plastic tube. A peripheral IV catheter.

"Ah, you know... 'It takes all the running you can do, to stay in the same place,'" he muttered, his voice clipped and hollow; Bermudian accent casual, almost detached. He turned his eyes to the boy; offered him a faint, strained smile. "Keeps things interesting, I suppose... but I appreciate your concern, lad."

He lifted his fingers to his cheek, feeling the moisture trickle down—salt on his lips. Tears, sharp and stinging. Jervis flinched and quickly scrubbed them away with the heels of his hands.

Cold metal pressed into his spine, tight around his neck—the chain with his and Sylvie’s wedding rings twisted against his skin. He must’ve been thrashing in his sleep. There was blood on his lips.

"Forgive me…" His vision swam as he watched the boy set a teacup on the small table beside the cot, just within view. "But I'm afraid I've rather lost my sense of time. How long has it been since I…?" He paused, his voice barely steady. "... if... if you don’t mind, could you please reach into my coat pocket? You'll find a small cuddly toy. A rabbit..." He rubbed his mouth, lowered his eyes. "It sounds foolish, I know... but it... it was my daughter's, you see..."

The boy nodded, moving quickly to retrieve the toy from Jervis’ coat pocket, and placed it on the table beside the teacup. The bunny was missing one of its button eyes, its white fur faded and matted. A pink satin ribbon around its neck was frayed and tattered.

“Thank you,” Jervis said hoarsely. “I must have been out of it for quite a while.”

[nocturniashifter]

𝓨ou in the eyes of your s/o | pick a pile

Hello, my angels! After a long time without posting any PAP, here I am with one that just came out of the oven. I really hope you like it and that it resonates with you ;) ♡

┈─★ Disclaimer: This reading is for entertainment purposes only and shouldn't be taken seriously or used as a substitute for medical and professional advice. It's also a general reading, so it may or may not resonate with you.

┈─★ How to choose: Close your eyes, take a deep breath and choose the image that catches your attention the most – trust your intuition.

MASTERLIST | PAID READINGS

── .✦ PILE 1

Shufflemancy: Where The Lovers Go - Ghost Kisses, The End Of Love - Florence, Please Be Angry - Pierz Barry, Smaller Than This - Sara Kays.

This is so cute, pile one! Your s/o has been in love with you since the first moment you met, but they never told you that before because they didn't want to scare you – and I'm happy to play my role here and let you know that ;). Honestly, you even made them nervous and shy when they were around you and that's so cute ��

In the eyes of your s/o, you are much more than a simple romantic partner. No, you are their family – regardless of what your relationship with them is now, whether you are just friends, lovers or even married. This especially applies to those who met their s/o at difficult times in life or who are shifting to a DR with more adventure/action/danger. For them, you are a person who is there with them in both good times and bad times, whether in your personal life or in your couple's life for those who are already together with their partners. They see you as someone they can count on at all times and you can be sure that they are also the kind of person you can count on when you are going through dark times. In their eyes, you are each other's safe haven and they also think that you know them better than anyone else - so much so that you know when they are lying/pretending that they are okay. You make them feel safe and they trust you, so much so that they feel comfortable enough to open up to you and be vulnerable. Furthermore, because they love you so much, they are very afraid of ending up losing you at some point – but that is just an insecurity they have.

Wow, this is really sad but…many of the s/os in this pile feel awkward in their relationships. But not in a bad way, but because many of them may be dating for the first time, aren't used to being truly loved by those they love or don't have much experience with relationships in general that are healthy. For many, their s/o was raised in dysfunctional and/or toxic families and as a result, they carry a lot of trauma and emotional wounds that leave them feeling like “clumsy idiots” in your relationship. Some examples that illustrate this well are the fact that they are unable to express themselves effectively with words and even more extreme cases in which they would rather you be mad/angry at them than disappointed in them or that you leave them. In their view, they won't be able to handle it if you decide to leave them, so they do everything they can to keep you in their lives – I told you it was sad 😕. But, even with all the fear they felt inside about starting a new relationship, they decided to take the leap and can be sure that it was one of the best things that ever happened to them.

Your s/o perceives that you have self-esteem issues, that you have a distorted self-image and an inferiority complex. In their eyes, you may be trying to achieve an unrealistic/unattainable standard of beauty and this is costing you your mental health and your physical health. Some of you may even be skipping meals so if this is the case, PLEASE STOP FOR THE LOVE OF THE GODS!! To them this is crazy, because they love and accept you exactly the way you are and think you are being too hard on yourself – they care about you and your well-being, so they want you to take more care of yourself and treat your body like the temple it is. They would like you to see yourself the same way they see you, because in their eyes you are very attractive and hot and you shouldn't change anything about yourself 😋 (seriously, it was actually funny because I literally heard them calling you “hottie")

That was all, pile one! I hope you liked it and that it was accurate. You better take better care of yourself or your s/o and I will be forced to hit you 😠

── .✦ PILE 2

Shufflemancy: Laughing on the Outside - FLOOR CRY, Shade - Chymes, You Know Me Too Well - Nothing But Thieves, Heat Waves - Glass Animals, Still Feel It All - MARO.

From the first moment you met, your s/o couldn't take their eyes off you and with each passing day, they found themselves falling more and more in love with you.

There are two situations in this pile: the first is that you and your s/o are not together as a couple yet and the second is that you have ended your relationship.

Regardless of what your case may be, your s/o are madly in love with you ‍🧎‍♂️ and every day they have to pretend that they are okay even with the fact that you are separated or have to pretend to others around them that they are not in love with you – but as a good gossip, I am here to expose what they really feel MUAHAHA. But, stopping for a moment to analyze, deep down they feel very sad not to be with you and that leaves them heartbroken.

Seriously, they are so in love with you that they seem drunk with love. When you are together, their heart warms. They may even try to deny it, but they can't help the fact that they want you like they've never wanted anyone in their life so much. Absolutely all they want most is you and they want to give you all of them and everything you want – your wish is your command.

For some of you reading this pile, you and your s/o are still just friends and in their eyes, you know them very well. But, regardless of what your case is, in their view, you have no idea what they are going through. I believe that for s/os who are just your friends, it is becoming more difficult to deal with the fact that they have fallen in love with you and cannot reveal it for fear of rejection or the friendship ending. Some of them may be thinking that you don't feel the same way about them and that they should leave you – poor things, little do they know how wrong they are.

Help, they are really heartbroken for you. Many of them have been in love with you for a long time and they have never been able to get over it. Sometimes they may try to tell themselves that they are over you, but just seeing you makes them fall to their knees – just seeing your eyes, your mouth and especially smelling your perfume. They really want you to want them as much as they want you 😮‍💨.

They may think that every love story ends in tragedy, that they might not be enough or that you deserve someone better, but when it comes to the two of you, they are willing to try. Sometimes all they think about is you.

That was all, pile two! I hope you liked it and that it resonated with you. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD GO KISS THIS MAN/WOMAN SOON 😭 they're suffering-

── .✦ PILE 3

Shufflemancy: C’est toi qu'elle préfère - Alice et Moi, Breezeblocks - Alt-J, all my daugthers - dodie, Impossible - Nothing But Thieves, If You Let Me - Sinéad Harnett.

The s/os in this pile are an enigma to me 🤔 but I'll be able to solve them

Many of you reading this pile are not together with your s/o, but the other part already is. And, regardless of your situation, it seems that in your s/o's eyes, they are replaceable in your life. They feel like you will leave them or that you prefer other people – in some ways, they may feel like “the other woman”.

But, none of these scenarios are real and these things are only happening in their minds – these paranoias originate from insecurities they have due to negative experiences in the past, such as being dumped or not being the priority of the person who hurt them. These thoughts make your s/o's heart sink, but as I mentioned earlier, they are creating problems that don't exist - so one piece of advice is to reassure them that you love them, that you are there for them, that you really care and who will not exchange it or leave it. They love you so much and are so afraid of losing you, they are almost begging you not to leave them – even if you have no intention of doing so.

Your s/o can see that you have imposter syndrome even though you try not to give a shit about it – you always feel like you're a fraud in every successful thing you do and in every achievement you achieve, even if it's totally your merit and they want you to learn to recognize that you are good at what you do and that you should give yourself all the credit you deserve!!

Your s/o are fools in love with you – the type where sometimes they even catch themselves looking at you with a passionate smile on their face – and they themselves never believed that this kind of situation would happen to them but, here we are lol. Seriously, if you were the ocean, they would dive deep into you. They love the smell of your perfume, in their eyes it is unforgettable. They also really like your mouth – if you're already together, believe me, they love kissing you.

WHAT A BEAUTIFUL THING, PILE THREE!!

Your s/o's love you like never before, literally no one has ever loved you as much as they do. They love you so much that they would really do ANYTHING for you and they are such good partners that they will do for you even what you didn't even know you needed. But, in their view, you still won't let them in (or haven't let them in yet if you're already together). WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR? For them to love you this way, you need to open your heart to them because they have a lot of love to give you and it is more than enough.

That was all, pile three! I really hope you enjoyed this reading and that it resonated with you. You literally won the s/o lottery, so DON'T LET IT GET AWAY!! 😠 Until the next PAP! ♡

© nocturniashifter – don't copy, redistribute or edit my content | dividers

[weebsinstash]

something that I think would be, truly one of the worst things about the yandere Batfamily really truly is their power to make any and every problem you've ever had completely go away in no time at all

it can be such an awful feeling to see that you struggled in vain with something that was nothing at all to someone else. You could have significant issues that have followed you all your life and have had traumatic impacting effects on you and these people could come in and sweep that all away. Student loans you've been paying off for years, if not a fraction of your lifespan, still burying you in debt? We are talking fucking decimal points on the scale of Bruce Wayne's wealth. That bad leg from an old work injury? Let's grab you one of the best doctors in Gotham, if not the entire world, fuck, we may even get you a doctor or medicine that isn't even human-made! Y'all want a magic leg? We know this chick who can speak backwards, you want a magically healed leg?

Crippling loneliness? Eternal sunshine and objectively best Robin Dick Grayson is here to brighten your entire world since he knows what it can feel like to be hurting and alone and he's literally like the heart and soul of the entire manor besides Alfred

Chronic pain, an undiagnosed disability, or maybe you're not confident in your fitness? Jason has extensive knowledge of injury recovery, physical therapy, and overall knowledge about human biology and musculature and how everything correlates

Family issues? Daddy issues? Let Resident Troubled Kid Expert Alfred Pennyworth be your new grandpa. He's dealt with more than one temperamental snappy individual, and he'll use his patience, experience, and wit to wear down all your stress and hostility. It's hard to keep being cruel to someone who's nothing but kind to you, and he has plenty of patience and delicious baked treats to hold out until you give in

Honestly just the fact most of them are so fucking young would get under my skin. You could be approaching your 30s and be sitting here at the Wayne family dinner table as their weird sister/mom/girlfriend/whatever and being all "I've just always had these struggles my entire life, I dont know what's wrong with me, I feel like I can't control how I act or feel and I hate it" and someone like Tim who depending on the source material and where you are on the timeline is a literal teenager with extensive knowledge of criminals and psychology is just over here, "oh, that? You have chronic childhood trauma, recurring resurfacing conflict related ptsd, severe abandonment issues, emotional regulation problems that are probably biological, and also you probably have autism, and there's nothing wrong with any of that :)" and then he turns to Bruce and starts talking about how his school is taking a trip abroad to Greece while you sit there processing that everyone around the table has extensively psychologically evaluated you and you probably have your own file on the Batcomputer (you do. It's excessive.)

It's just. The psychology of having all these problems you've struggled with be wiped away by someone else like it's nothing and how, that can result in making someone feel all the more worthless and helpless. Oh, Bruce was able to just make all your problems disappear? Clearly YOU weren't trying hard enough. Tim is able to suss out what's wrong with you? Well YOU'RE the dysfunctional idiot who was born wrong, and YOU were the one choosing the wrong doctors. You're watching all these young teenagers or young adults be vigilantes and travel the world and learn multiple languages and you're like. Normal guy Steve from the grocery store. You know? They take control of your life and make you feel like a side character in it, because everything you do is now attached to them, and all of them and all of their adventures are so... spectacular

And really, someone with a meaner heart, and maybe someone more blunt like, say, Damian, could perhaps come in and make some comment, "see? This is why you needed our assistance in caring for you" and what are you gonna do, NOT act like they basically fixed your entire life in less than a year's time, with the one objection of kidnapping and imprisonment? You're just over here, "um yeah, actually, I'm an adult and I can take care of myself, you don't need to TAKE CARE OF ME???" meanwhile Bruce and Alfred are exchanging knowing looks while you speak as if the old butler hadn't needed to help you call your doctor and other important urgent matters because being on the phone with strangers gave you such intense anxiety. Ok yes sure honey you are a lovely functional adult and your brain is big and beautiful and perfect 🥰 now shut up about going to live back home on your own, go play Xbox with your new brothers or go bake something with Grandpa while the world's greatest detective sits down in the Batcave using the Batcomputer to track down and "have a friendly chat" with that one childhood teacher that gave you that one really specific trauma-

[yanxidarlings]

YANDERE HP GOLDEN ERA: SLYTHERIN BOYS X DORMMATE READER

continuation of my previous post (i got caught up in getting out my anthony goldstein headcanons was it obvious). okay so full disclosure, i haven't read the fanfictions lorenzo and mattheo are from (i only read yandere is it obvious) (i see their faceclaims and cannot. exclude), so if i'm not portraying them correctly shout at me. but just for a moment, imagine having the 79-80 liner slytherin boys yandere for their dormmate? (okay there is a loophole i'll write for male readers/darlings if asked).

maybe they've known the reader/darling since childhood, and the sudden close proximity magnifies the possessive and obsessive tendencies they were developing towards the darling. or, the darling could suddenly get sorted into slytherin and now they have a roommate they did not expect to have. for the second scenario i don't think the darlings personality would matter much - either way, they're all apprehensive about this really cute kid they suddenly are dorming with.

maybe they give the reader a hard time at first (although this is only really likely to happen for a darling in a different house, or a muggleborn darling) but whoo boy if anyone else thinks of teasing the reader, they'll get hell from our dear slytherins here. actually, anyone who the reader pays mind to becomes a target of torment and bullying by draco and his gang. especially potter. please, reader, for potters own sanity and the good of the wizarding world, do not approach, think about or even look in the direction of harry. it ends in an ugly tantrum from draco, prolonged sarcasm from theodore, silence from blaise, aggression from mattheo and teasing from lorenzo. crabbe and goyle won't be carrying your books for you for the next week either.

when they get like this, it'll be the darling that'll have to make it up to them, or risk having it all drag out until one of them gets over it naturally.

GREGORY GOYLE & VINCENT CRABBE (cast josh herdman, jamie waylett):

they're all horribly possessive and jealous by default, but generally, crabbe and goyle are the easiest to deal with, they both have a soft spot for their darling, and are pretty used to being bossed around, the second choice and having to share. they're also the easiest to appease, putting food on crabbe's plate is enough to make him happy, and paying goyle any mind will go a long way.

they don't need constant attention (draco), validation (draco), and affection (draco), from their darling, and are content just being in their life.

BLAISE ZABINI (cast louis cordice):

after them, i honestly don't know who's worse. going in alphabetical order, blaise appears to be calm and uncaring when it comes to his darling, but do not be fooled, he's not going to sit back and let his darling get whisked away by the likes of a half blood (sorry mattheo), spolit daddy's boy (apologies draco), spolit mommy's boy (soz enzo) or someone who's one lab accident away from becoming a supervillain (blaise's words not mine theo).

blaise tolerates the rest of the slytherins for now, but if any of them think he'd ever fully agree to sharing with the likes of them, they are wrong. he fantasises about taking his darling away from the world after graduating, and probably has his mother trying to arrange a marriage the moment he decides they're his.

DRACO MALFOY (cast tom felton):

unlike blaise, draco is not even a little bit subtle about his possesiveness over his darling, he only see's the other slytherins as tools to ensure his darlings safety and happiness at hogwarts, and does not bother to pretend like he isn't planning to kidnap move the reader into malfoy manor the minute they graduate. actually, he couldn't wait that long.

he'll look for any opportunity to have the malfoy family gain custody of his darling. all the more better if his darling comes from a dysfunctional household. but either way, he'll make sure his family is all they have to turn to.

all i know about lorenzo is that he has mommy and daddy issues so i'll have to piggybank off that. he'll present himself as the 'sane' one, if his darling is complaining about the behaviour of the other slytherins, enzo wholeheartedly agree's with them "i don't know what's wrong with all of them - you sure you didn't slip any amortentia into their drinks?" he becomes a safe haven from the possessive obsession his dormmates seem to share for their darling.

LORENZO BERKSHIRE (fancast louis patridge):

lorenzo acts the most normal, but don't be fooled, he's just as obsessed as the rest of them. enzo is just better at hiding it. he too, frequently thinks about whisking them away, but is much less finite about it; holing his darling up in his house isn't the end goal. he could honestly live with sharing them with his fellow slytherins, but this is all assuming that the reader takes well to his attempts at becoming the 'sane one'.

if enzo isn't able to successfully befriend them, he'll have to settle for being the 'mean one'. teasing and humiliation follows his darling, as does he. it's not severe, but it's probably the push the reader needs to fall into deep depression and anxiety. so please, take the sane bait.

MATTHEO RIDDLE (fancast benjamin wadsworth):

mattheo doesn't exactly have a family reputation to uphold, blaise, draco, enzo and theo would want to keep up a respectable reputation, whatever that is in pureblood society, but mattheo? the dark lords son? he's entirely unhinged.

if lorenzo is the 'sane one', mattheo is the 'crazy one'.

he doesn't really care what his darling, or others, think of his behaviour. if he wants to spend time with them, he's going to. he'll pull them out of class, drag them away from the other slytherins, just to skip rocks in the black lake with them, or raid the kitchens. he doesn't really bother hiding his yandere tendencies, he'll actively tell his darling not to talk to certain people "because i said so" "stop asking questions", and will refuse to elaborate further. sometimes, there will be disturbing moments of honesty between him and his darling; he'll admit that he's obsessed with them, and threaten to attack people they pay attention to. and he'll tell them that they belong to him.

sometimes it's frightening and sometimes he'll come across as sweet. he is both predictable and unpredictable, which puts his darling at unease around him.

THEODORE NOTT (fancast lorenzo zurzolo):

theodore uses guilt to garner his darlings sympathy, all the more easier if they are childhood friends. he'll make sure they know about his harsh childhood, and make them feel responsible for his wellbeing. he's the only one to create a sense of dependency not built upon threats. out of all the slytherins, he gets to know his darling the best, he'll use guilt, emotional breakdowns and dark secrets to create a sense of obligation towards him.

theo is the most comforting of the slytherins to be around, he's quiet and the only one who they can spend time with without feeling much pressure. he demands the most of their attention, and is by far the most possessive. whilst i can see the other slytherins finding a way to deal with sharing their darling amonst themselves, if the rest don't back off eventually (stop dreaming theo) (they won't), he's the most inclined to just get rid of them - he can't stand it when his darling is around anyone but him, he wakes early to walk his darling to class just so they won't get caught up in the busy halls, where eyes can wonder and other people can have a chance to interact with his darling.

theodore pairs with them for every project, which leads to some ugly arguments between him and blaise, who only really get's his fill of his darling by sitting next to them in class. and draco, and mattheo and enzo and even goyle who was hoping the reader would help get him a good grade for once.

out of all of them, draco, goyle and blaise are the most patient. they want their darling to love them, not see them as monsters to flinch away from.

theodore, lorenzo and mattheo will take whatever they can get. lorenzo in particular doesn't want his darling to fear him but won't let them get away with trying to escape or disobedience. mattheo doesn't mind being the villain if he must be, but his heart clenches when his darling acts so obviously distrustful of him. theodore is the least patient, and if his darling starts to shy away from him, he snaps. at them, at the rest of the slytherin boys. but he's also easy to keep content, so long as his darling is always by his side.

similarly, blaise just enjoys being in the presence of his darling, and doesn't feel the need to cuddle up to them constantly like draco and enzo do. mattheo is a loose canon, and sometimes is fine being near them, other times he wants skin to skin contact 25/8.

they're hopeless at sharing, and only really get along for the sake of their darling. there are only really two ways this can end; theodore finally snaps and tries to off the rest of them after graduation, or they somehow come to an agreement on sharing, maybe they each get their own day a week

monday for draco, tuesday for blaise, wednesday for theo, thursday for enzo, and friday for mattheo. goyle and crabbe probably aren't taken seriously enough to get given their own day, so then the weekends are spent sharing (fighting).

the only time the boys will work in tandem is when someone attempts to take their darling and their attention, away. best example, darling starts dating someone. which is already pretty improbable, considering they give the reader no alone time whatsoever. but let's just say the darling here is going on a date with cormac mclaggen (get a grip, darling), any grudges they've been holding against each other are off, mclaggen has just signed his death warrant.

mattheo and theodore do most of the dirty work, whilst lorenzo distracts the reader. draco and blaise cover up their tracks, so it seems like whatever they did to mclaggen was an untimely accident. or have it blamed on someone else. goyle and crabbe intimidate anyone who tries to get close to the darling from then on.

they might hate sharing with each other, but they truly despise sharing with an 'outsider'.

[icebear4president]

A small fic with dysfunctional family dynamics featuring Alfred and Arthur

"Alfred, will you please just unload the dishwasher?"

And while Alfred tried not to get too irritated with Arthur, he wasn't about to let the snide remark about his hard-earned space collection slide. Besides, he always cooked the meals, so Arthur can't complain about being put on dish duty.

"Alfred, you are acting like a child."

Rolling his eyes, Alfred stuffed his phone into pocket, and leaned on the counter arms crossed. Whatever, if Arthur wanted to annoy him, than he'll annoy him back. So why not make Arthur extremely uncomfortable with his request. Not that he desperately wanted to hear the words or anything.

"Sure! If you say you're immensely proud of me, that is."

Arthur's excessive scrubbing faltered for a second. "What?"

"If I unload the dishwasher, will you say that you are immensely proud of me?"

"No-why would I do that?"

Alfred grinned at how uncomfortable he was making the other man. Honestly, was it really that hard to answer the question? Apparently he didn't want help with the dishes as much as he said he did.

"Because I'm America. I always demand payment in some form, and this is what I want. I'll even unload the dishes first, but after you have to say your immensely proud of me."

Arthur hesitated, frowning at the soapy water. He just wanted help, was that too much to ask without being subjected to Alfred's nonsense. "Are you sure you don't want money or food? Maybe buy one of those gold kiddy coins you like?"

'Collectible and vintage coins,' Alfred wanted to say, but bit his tongue and smiled instead. "Nope," he said, popping the 'p', "I want you to say you're proud of me."

"Why in the world do you suddenly care if I'm proud of you or not, you never did before," Arthur asked. "Look, I would unload the dishwasher myself, but I'm going to hand wash them first. It's only fair."

What was with this guy and dodging answers. Good thing Alfred was just as stubborn as him, as well as persistent. "I demand payment, and this is the payment I want. Come on dude, they're just words. It's not like I'm asking for something unreasonable here."

Arthur sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. He was getting a headache from this whole exchange. "Alfred, if you're going to unload the dishwasher, than unload the dishwasher. If you don't want to, than don't. It's not that big of a deal."

Alfred leaned forward, desperate now. He was beginning to think this wasn't about dishes anymore, not that he'll think too hard on that. He just wants Arthur to say the words. Hell, even if he didn't even mean it or if he says it sarcastically he'll take it.

This was turning out not to be as fun as he thought it was.

"But I WILL unload the dishwasher. I'll wash the dishes too....you just need to say you're proud of me. Not even immensely or anything, just that you're proud of me."

Wiping his hands, Arthur finally turned to face Alfred. "But what have you done to warrant me to say that? Proud of you for what? Washing the dishes and putting them away? Like every person on this planet does," he asked, genuinely curious for the answer.

"No, just in general."

Arthur sighed, returning to his task. This back and forth was tiring him out. "I'm not going to say I'm proud of you for just being here."

Alfred clutched his chest, feigning hurt. "After all I've done to get to this point, and you still aren't proud? You wound me, what even is the point of life if my big brother can find no good in me," he said, swooning dramatically. Of course, none of his words meant anything, he didn't actually care what England or any of the others thought of him after all. Definitely not.

"This again. Why do you get existential and crap when you're upset?"

"I'm not upset. Why are you getting upset?" Alfred countered. "They're just words, they don't actually mean anything. I'll unload the dishwasher, plus do the dishes if you say them."

Arthur sighed again, and shook his head. "Evidently they mean something to you. And no, I'm not going to say them. Now, if you're not going to help, than go do something else productive," he said, turning his back to Alfred and signaling the conversation to a close.

Alfred stared after him a while, before angrily digging out his phone again. He didn't care, he shouldn't care. It was a joke and he admits he pushed it more than he should've. Maybe it hurt a little, or maybe a lot, but it was fine. He didn't need England's validation, he was a big boy and he would be fine. He would just go watch tv, or cry in his pillow, and forget all about it. "Fine, whatever," he finally said, with a dismissive wave.

After a few moments, Arthur turned to check that Alfred was gone before he spoke again. "I am proud of you. Immensely. I thought you would have known that already," he said, voice echoing in the room.

[suchusoid]

How other villains worked better as sympathetic where the league failed

I know I said I was going to make a post regarding my final oc villain, anonymous, but due to recents events, i just dont have the energy to do so. To clear my mind, I've decided to take a break from oc posts and talk about how certain character archetypes from this series are done betger by other shows, movies and books, starting with the league of villains.

For this comparision, I'll be comparing the LOV with a group of villains that actually inspired my oc (ghoulian my beloved) the sadler trio from the goosebumps book "ghost beach"

Is probably what you're thinking. The sadler trio are the ghosts of a trio of immigrant siblings from england who traveled to new england in hopes of a better life. Unfortunately, they ended up dying in cold and have roamed the beach as ghosts for 300 years. They long for companions in death and plan to take their distant cousins jerry and terri to the grave.

Louisa is the girl with the pigtails and velvet dress, sam is the boy with the white hair and black vest, and nat is the boy with the bowl cut and the striped t shirt, remember that now.

The first thing I want to talk about is the family dynamics

The leagues bonds are, for a lack of a better word, shaky. While we do see certain memebers like twice and toga showing genuinely nice moments of friendship, and magne being a well liked and respected member, earning her the title of "big sis mags", other members like shigaraki and dabi contradict the found family dynamic the story and fandom are selling. Shigaraki barely shows any care for his fellow members, when magne died, he was more concerned about staying on top while toga and twice actually wanted to avenge their fallen ally. Shigaraki also doesnt have any reaction to twices death either. Dabi is honestly worse as he refuses to pitch in at times, called spinner a derogetory slur, and then pulled a bruno marcotulli and said he shouldnt get upset about it. Spinners motives also dont align with shigarakis in the slightest, to the point where they straight up had to retcon his motives not once, but twice, just to make shigaraki seem like a good leader. Truth is their motives and personalities clash too hard for their dynamic not to feel forced.

The sadlers on the other hand actually do show genuine care and concern for each other, most notably when nat clings to louisa as a source of comfort when he gets scared and sam being the mediator and voice of reason, showing how they do care for eachother and work cohesively as a group, while the league is more dysfunctional than a 50's sitcom family.

Next is motives, the leagues motives at the end of the day, are to cause destruction and misery to whoever they please with no consequences, I really dont know how else to put it. Shigaraki wants to destroy everything, dabi wants to hurt his father and is willing to drag innocent people into the mix, toga gets off to killing, and the other three are just along for the ride with no qualms about their peers actions. This really doesnt help making them sympathetic when the story tries to shove a bunch of sad backstories in our face and say "please feel bad for them!"

Comparitively, the sadlers motives are far more understandable. At the end of the day, all they want is companionship. Its far more easy to get behind "we were robbed lf a decent life and have lived in solidarity on this beach for centuries with a guy whos been planning our downfall, we desperately want you to stay with us" as opposed to " we are societal outcasts who just want to lash out and makes things worse for everyone else without even trying to combat the societal issues that caused things in the first place."

On top of that, the sadlers actions, which include trying to kill harrison sadler( the ghost hunter) attempting to kill jerry and terri, and eating a dog (dogs can sense ghosts and would give them away.), while morally reprehensible , come from a place of desperation as opposed to malice. The sadler trio never take enjoyment out of their actions. Heck, when its revealed they're ghosts there practically on their hands and knees begging the twins to stay with them.

Thisis unlike the league, who take full pleasure in hurting others to achieve their goals *cough* toga *cough* shigaraki * cough* dabi * cough*.

Lastly is their fates, the sadlers are trpaped in magic cave the essentially sends ghosts to the afterlife and puts them to rest. Makes sense since their motives were from them being stuck in a proverbial limbo.

The leaghes fate is hori hyping up them being saved... and then all die or just get arrested, making their whole arcs feel like a waste of time.

Phew, now thats cleared up my min, I may get to doing anonymous' character sheet sometime soon, let me know what you guys think, and have a good evening!

[itspikamefan]

The quotes have Returned. May lord have mercy

Ojima: *holding a bottle* Is this whiskey or perfume?

Okazaki: *chugs entire bottle*

Okazaki: It’s perfume.

Watari: Hah! 69! You know what that means?

Sasaki: What?

Ojima: That you're a child.

Hiroaki: HOW'D YOU GUESS MY IQ!?

Okazaki: Today is a day of running through hurdles.

Tsuno: Aren’t you supposed to jump OVER hurdles?

Okazaki: Whatever. Fear is only something to be afraid of if you let it scare you.

Kamimura: With great power comes great need to take a nap. Wake me up later.

Hiroaki: Dear friends, your Christmas gift this year… is me. That’s right, another year of friendship. Your membership has been renewed

*Tsuno helping Hiroaki out after he got injured, while the others are watching*

Ojima: How does he look?

Okazaki: A little better than you actually.

Okazaki: Truth or dare?

Hama: Dare

Okazaki: I dare you to kiss the hottest person in the room

Hama: Hey Tsuno.

Tsuno, blushing: Y-yeah?

Hama: Could you move? I’m trying to get to Harada.

Harada: How's the sexiest person here~?

Hama: I don't know, how are they~?

Harada, flustered: I-

Hiroaki, from across the room: I'm doing great, thanks!

Okazaki: Favorite horror movie?

Sasaki: It

Tsuno: Saw

Chiba: Annabelle

Ojima: High School Musical. after watching it I spent all my middle school years terrified that the entire school would start singing something and I’d be the only one who didn’t know the lyrics.

Wada: That’s one of my biggest fears. Like, if I ever woke up as a donut...

Hama: You would eat yourself?

Wada: I wouldn’t even question it.

Yanagi: Can you please be serious for five minutes?

Watari: My record is four, but I think I can do it.

Hiroaki, standing with his back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Sasaki.

Sasaki: How did you do that without turning around?

Hiroaki: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.

Hasegawa: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Okazaki: You mean literally or figuratively?

Hasegawa: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Tsuno: Please, I'm begging you go to a doctor.

Hayashi: I'm sorry is this OUR stab wound? Stay out of it.

Sasaki: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Yanagi's been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out...

Hayashi: What doesn't kill me should run, because now I'm fucking pissed.

Kamimura: Please bring home PURIFIED water with NO minerals added for taste

Okazaki: We got spring water

Kamimura: NO.

Watari: with EXTRA minerals

Okazako: it's like licking a stalagmite

Kamimura: DON'T COME HOME.

Watari: Mmmmm cave water.

Ojima: Must be hard not being able to laugh

Okazaki: I do have a sense of humor you know

Ojima: I’ve never heard you laugh before

Okazaki: I’ve never heard you say anything funny

Yanagi: 'Person of interest' is almost too flattering.

Yanagi: Like, if the police were to pound on my door and go, 'A man has been murdered in your building and you are a person of interest,' I'd be like, 'Moi? Oh, do go on.'

Harada, trying to ask Hama out: Would you like to stay for dinner?

Chiba: WOULD YOU LIKE TO STAY FOREVER?

Yanagi: Can you keep a secret

Okazaki: Do you know anything about my life?

Yanagi: No… Good Point.

Isono: Where are you going?

Okazaki: To get ice cream or commit a felony, I’ll decide on the way there

Watari: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Wada will and will not eat.

Okazaki: Grass? Yes!

Watari: Moss? Yes!!

Okazaki: Leaves? Ohh, yes!

Watari: Shoelaces? Strange but true!

Okazaki: Worms? Sometimes!

Watari: Rocks? Usually nah.

Okazaki: Twigs? Usually!

Watari: Ojima’s cooking? Inconclusive!

Tsuno: How did you… test this?

Watari: You just hand him stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if he eats it, he eats it.

Tsuno: ... I don’t know how to feel about this.

Ojima: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Hama, talking to Harada on the phone: Did you preheat the oven like I told you to?

Harada: You bet!

Hama: At what temperature?

Harada: 535.

Hama: That's the clock.

Harada:

Hama:

Harada: 536.

Store Worker: Would a Mr. Ran Hama please come to the front desk?

Hama, arriving at the desk: Hello, is there a problem?

Store Worker: points to Harada and Chiba

Store Worker: I believe they belong to you?

Harada and Chiba, simultaneously: We got lost :(

Hama: I didn’t even bring you guys here with me-

Wada: You're the love of my life and my best friend, I would do anything for you.

Isono: I want you to eat three meals a day and have a decent sleep schedule.

Wada: Absolutely not.

Kamimura: I'm so tough, I'm on alert even when there's no danger!

Harada: Kamimura, that's PTSD.

Wada: Nothing in life is free.

Tsuno: Love is free!

Harada: Adventure is free.

Sasaki: Knowledge is free.

Okazaki: Everything is free if you take it without paying.

Harada: You lying, cheating, piece of shit!

Hiroaki: Oh yeah? You’re the idiot who thinks you can get away with everything you do. WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD

Harada: I’m leaving you, and I’M TAKING CHIBA WITH ME

Tsuno, picking up the monopoly board: I think we’re gonna stop playing now.

[felixravinstills]

Any hcs/potential scenarios where Felix and Livia marry? (Only thing I know for sure is that it's going to be a fail!marriage lol)

hmmm, the failmarriage (lite) (as in not with Coriolanus), let us see what thoughts can I shake loose!

I actually have a hard time imagining how these two get to the point of marrying each other as in my hcs, their families aren't going to push for it... I could see them both gaslighting themselves into thinking that they should marry though!

(Warning: I imagine that they become a dysfunctional household!)

They Get Married

Going off that, imagine everyone within an acceptable age range to marry has married except these two. They're both from influential families. Felix reluctantly brings these facts to Livia's attention. She rejects his marriage-business proposal.

Livia, after thinking about it and realizing that Felix is right, everyone else is married, decides that fine, she'll marry him and tells him publicly by yelling at him across a social gathering/party.

The media have a field day saying that they're secret lovers or secret lovers reconciling with a declaration of love. (some people hit the nail on the head and write that the two are getting married as the last single people of their generation <- oof... even the marriage of convenience people didn't want them... let's be nice and maybe they aren't looking "beneath their station" for a potential partner... "let's be nice" -> they get married because of classism 😔)

The wedding is a fucking nightmare from the planning side. Livia is... a terror of a bride. She may not like her groom, but as consolation, she is getting everything just the way she wants it, exactly the way she wants it.

Felix doesn't really have cold feet, but he does break down crying at one point, wondering why he's doing this. He tries to play it off as tears of joy. A lot of people can tell that isn't the case.

They argue in whispers that everyone can hear during the document signing ceremony (Capitol marriages in my mind focus on the signing)

It only goes down hill from there.

Also they're probably pretending to be in love to their families. (the weird cognitive dissonance that Felix has of doing this for his family in his mind but also knowing he has to pretend to love Livia to get them to go through with it... uh that's just my trademark Ravinstills are bad at communicating -isms)

They start a food fight during the cake cutting when they both smush cake into the other's face. (Felix purposefully gets some on Livia's white dress).

Any and all speeches from friends are just thinly veiled questions asking why the two are doing this.

The Marriage

After their marriage, there's a honeymoon period of a few years, and for them, that means they hate each other so bad. They're constantly insulting each other/finding ways to one up each other! It's a terrible time, but you know what's there? Passion!

They are trading insults! They are screaming at each other! A nightmare for their neighbors! A dream come true for the tabloids!

Honestly, they both probably get into actual physical fights... which isn't a great look for both of them

After a few years of that, their marriage loses any and all interest to each other. Livia's obviously the stronger personality in my mind. She's trying to keep that hate alive! She's trying to make this marriage work (keep this marriage interesting)!

Unfortunately, I think Felix takes a page out of his great-uncle's book and just starts mentally checking out.

Livia and Felix are both romantics in my head. They both didn't want a marriage of convenience (they both could have had love matches in my headcanons lol), but Felix is used to being sad and feeling unwanted in a big house so he's just carrying on. Livia is better at staying mad at the situation, but with nothing to play off of, her heart can't fully be in it... She can only insult him halfheartedly

Very important to note, that their families either think this is a normal marriage (Max/President Ravinstill, given his whole Dr. Gaul situation), are concerned but everyone else is just saying it's normal? (Ravinstill cousins), and "that's just Livia's strong personality! :)" (the Cardews) <- they don't want to dim her sparkle

The Kid(s)

Since Livia can't take joy out of tormenting Felix anymore, obviously, they have kids or a kid. I imagine they take what they get from the first (and only) pregnancy. (You know how couples try to fix their relationship with a kid. This is that, but with a hateful relationship.)

I'll say kid for the rest of the post but you can imagine them with Ravinstill-Cardew twins, triplets, quadruplets? whatever you want

They're the Ravinstill-Cardews because with a Ravinstill president, I imagine Livia's parents convince her that any kids should have a hyphenated name with Ravinstill taking precedence, but Felix and Livia keep their respective surnames without hyphenation.

I think Ravinstill-Cardew baby does ignite that passion for a bit as they argue about raising their child, but it's short-lived

As the child grows up, Livia probably tries to jab at Felix with it. Any perceived negative traits are because Felix is the father. Felix probably starts getting mad at this once the child is old enough to remember, but it's actually 50/50 if the insult reaches him. Half the time, he's just like "yes, dear..."

(even if he hates her (formerly hates her and has now given up), Livia is unknowingly benefiting from Ravinstill Enabler-ism. Many such cases of Ravinstills just being enablers in my mind)

I think, because of this, the kid actively strives for Livia's approval and affection which she is better at giving openly and also because it is clearly something to be won (Felix is more distant... very President Ravinstill/Max-esque)

On the other hand, I do think if the kid has a problem/is in trouble, they'll go to Felix. I just think he'd be better at problem-solving things for them.

Felix is looking at his own child like "ah, of course they only want me for my name/what I can do for them." Resentment would manifest in being distant, but he's already doing that so...

I do think that if push came to shove, these two would move mountains for their kid, but their parenting is far from ideal

tl;dr is that the Ravinstill-Cardew child does not have the best upbringing. Maybe they prefer going over to one of their parents' friends places, or Livia's brother (who exists in my hc). Maybe someone can suggest divorce. Please.

...

Thanks for the ask, anon! This got kind of long!

[wrinkly-fucking-qtip]

SHAMELESS OPINIONS: S6 (cause Mickey's write off hurt and after s5, I watched again from s1 and forced myself to keep watching + no one around me likes Shameless so I need a place to vent)

overall: it's a meh season with strong plotlines

The F Word is SUCH a bop, my boy Gus ate. Sorry Fi, I really like you, but boo, you had it coming.

I get the whole controversy with Sean, trust me I do, but I enjoyed the dramatics of the relationship. He was way too hypocritical tho, the scene with the gun, as scary as it was, rubbed me the wrong way. I wouldn't blame Fiona or Carl for that. As someone raised in a house full of guns, I was taught to never ever go near one. Curiosity killed the cat with Will and he was obviously scared, but Sean my boy, no. I felt Sean sort of blended well with the family, understood dysfunction all too well so that's probably why, but at the end of the day, it was a scabbing wound.

The wedding scene, Fuck Frank, ik he helped Fiona dodge a bullet, but at the end of the day, it was never really about Fiona, it was about his damn ego as always. The whole situation was shitty for everyone and I felt for her, really. The bridge scene was dope as hell. Bravo. Cinematic.

With the Debbie v Fiona, I was honestly on Fiona's side most of the time. A decision like this, in their way of living, oof, and Fiona made it clear she wasn't gonna be in charge of another kid. Harsh, but... I wouldn't do it either. But the reality is, Debbie has always been around kids, and very clearly wanted to be a mother, as early as s1. It's just... timing wasn't right. But to tackle a teen to the ground??? Wtf. A grown ass woman. Girl. No.

Oh Lip... his lip ain't doing good. As fucked as the whole Helene thing was, no relationship has ever made more sense to me than that one (for all the wrong reasons) Mommy issues as bright as day right there. And the fact that he couldn't recognize that and saw it as a normal college Tuesday makes me pity him. People don't agree with the relationship, and they're right, they shouldn't, but not because it's a bad storyline. It should make you feel uncomfortable because it is, but that's something that sooner or later, was bound to happen with him. That scene where he walks to the bar and yaps like Frank does with a beer in his hand, and everyone in disbelief... oof...

EMT IAN. NEED I SPEAK??? My baby... Those first episodes were so hard for him... Fucking Lip being insensitive at times... FUCK Ian makes me cry. Him standing his ground to get the job back, oh lord. There's a deleted scene that should've stayed but oh well. Anyway. I love him.

Don't even get me started on Gallavich. The scene with Lana on patsies cuts me. That prison scene breaks me without fail every time. I can't. I just couldn't envision, if things really went without having to call back Noel for ratings and views in s7, that the prison scene would be -it- for them... His leave was horribly handled too... but alas...

Caleb??? I have much to say about him in s7, but he... isn't half bad here... Don't love him, but he's alright. Motivated our ginger boy to get a job that gave him purpose, gave him soft smooches and little lunches, and taught him to receive softness. I love those things but not because it comes from him, more so because Ian deserves those gestures. The HIV conversation was handled well I think??? Don't have any particular complains... yet

Frank's storyline at the start of the season interested me, with the cancer lady and whatnot, not a fan of indulging Debbie into grooming, but it's Frank, and Frank is a fucking pos, but as soon as Queenie comes along I got so fucking BORED. Just not my cup of tea, the whole organic storyline put me to sleep. Kind of wish Debbie wasn't involved cause I think her pregnancy journey had more potential than ending up with Queenie. Idk that whole thing was just boring for me.

White boy Carl... eh, it is what it is, seemed in character enough ig, everyone expected part of this future to head that way so, yeah. Nick... so many mixed feelings like everyone else. I just feel for him man, that situation was horrendous. That, along with 3x666 are the only two scenes where I can't like... they're hard to stomach, for obvious reasons ik, but yeah. That was tough. I feel like it was fun to see Carl with his shenanigans, somewhat cringe but I can't pinpoint if it's because of E's performance or shitty writing.

Mandy and Ian's moment, holy fuck. That made me tear up. Mandy my beloved... I hope you're doing well.

SVETLANA RISE.

[kimmimaru]

Personal Rant time (ignore if you like, just getting shit off my chest so I can maybe sleep) Sorry it's so long, I would put it under a 'read more' but for some reason the little icon for it isn't showing up anymore and I'm honestly too tired to look for other ways. So, I have serious exective dysfunction which means every day tasks are a horrendous ordeal. I hate it with every fiber of my being, I do NOT enjoy being this way. But trying to explain to people what exective dysfunction is and what its like is impossible, so I'm labelled lazy and shit. That doesn't help.

Anyways, issue I'm having is I have someone who is specifically employed to help me out with the struggles I have as an autistic adult like making phone calls, helping me remember appointments etc. And its been fine up until recently. I've been hit hard by my EFD and i'm having a burn out, so depression, anxiety, the works. I'm forgetting to feed myself and shit, its that bad. But this person who is supposed to be helping me doesn't seem to listen when I try to explain what I'm feeling? I have every day tasks I need to complete, I know exactly what they are but I just physically cannot make myself do them. I just sit there, panicking about it. I have no idea how to get around this, basically as an adult, you're told you're autistic and just sent away again. I never had any help regarding navigating the intricicies of existing as an autistic adult so I've been fumbling in the dark since I got my diagnosis. Now, I've been mostly coping until recently when I hit yet another bad patch, last one I had that was this bad was when I was at uni back in my early 20's. Anyone who follows me for my fanfic has probably noticed a lack of updates and stuff, I haven't even been posting here or really going on tumblr or Ao3 at all. I haven't been reading, gaming or anything. I'm anxious and depressed, and I'm trapped in this stupid fucking cycle and I can't tell anyone about it because literally not a single person in my life understands. I've tried but its useless. So I thought I'd try and explain it to the person who is literally paid to help me with this stuff, but she just doesn't get it. She just ends up piling more on my plate with more lists of shit I should be doing. No discussion about possible ways around my inability to do anything useful. Its just: Oh you need to do this, this and this. If you don't do this it will cause problems. You should be doing this every day....like, yeah? I know I should be doing these things. I think about it constantly. I'm not sleeping because I'm laying in bed obsessing over everything I should be doing. Honestly, I'm lucky I'm even getting out of bed at this point.

I've tried lists, I've tried schedules, I've tried phone reminders, alarms, timed sessions of like an hour of just doing stuff that needs doing etc. I can get it to work for like a week and then it just goes back to being impossible again. I hate it. I hate being this way. I've tried breaking it all down into tiny steps, nothing seems to have worked yet. I'm worried I'm running out of ideas. Obviously my daughter has no idea about any of this. She doesn't need to know it, but kids pick up on even tiny clues don't they? Not to mention that she's just hit puberty and is naturally going through it as well, poor sod. But yeah, that means everything I do is the absolute worst thing any parent can do ever, from asking her to pick up after herself to reminding her to wash her hair regularly...you know, normal things parents ask from their kids. I get it, I do. I went through it too and I don't remember it fondly, it was an awful time. Everything pisses you off or makes you want to cry for no reason, so I do try to be understanding but on top of everything else it does involve a lot more deep, careful breathing than I'd like. As for my family, I love them, I really do. But they don't get it so I don't really feel I can talk to them about it. My dad is...well, he's in a new relationship and is now aparently getting married. So that's a big bag of emotions I do not want to open. On the one hand, I'm a grown ass adult so I should just be ok with it, on the other it's weird and very uncomfortable. My dad divorced my mum years ago, so I got used to that but he cheated on mum with some other woman, never met her, never wanted anything to do with her so it was easy to pretend she didn't exist. This time the woman is a very old childhood friend of dad's and not only that but knew mum, she in fact introduced my dad to my mum. So I have to be all friendly and its exhausting. I really don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it, its like...I'm an adult, I should be happy my dad's happy, right? But its just...so weird. I've only ever known my dad with my mum, so seeing him be close to another woman just creeps me out and makes me uncomfortable. I have to go to their wedding too, which will not be fun. I'm being weird about it and not explaining it properly but even I don't know why I'm so uncomfortale with it, so can't really put it into words. Essentially I am anxious, stressed and depressed and would just like everything to just stop for a bit so I can BREATHE.

[lady-of-endless]

Hello! May I please request a one piece matchup? If you're too busy please feel free to delete! <3

--

BASICS

Name: Mochi

Gender: Female (she/her)

Sexual Orientation: Pansexual (any gender match is ok!)

SIGNS AND TYPES

Zodiac: Libra sun, Libra moon, Leo rising

MBTI: INFP

Enngram: 4; the individualist

Alignment: Chaotic good

House: Slytherin

Love Language (Giving): Physical touch, quality time

Love Language (Receiving): Quality time, gift giving

PERSONALITY

Likes: Video games, reading, drawing, writing, crochet, cross stitch, Sanrio, frogs, mushrooms, cows, coffee, sweets, summertime

Dislikes: Chores (executive dysfunction), cold weather, bitter foods, crowded places, overload of sounds (sensory issue)

Personality: I'm a very quiet person, but I'm also very friendly and bubbly. I love making friends even though I have social anxiety around new people. I'm not the most talkative, though I can hold a conversation: I'm a great listener, at least! I love spending time with my loved ones, especially my special person. I try really hard to make people feel welcome and relaxed when they're around me. Despite being quiet, I'm generally quiet communicative. When it comes to negative feelings it does have to be dragged out of me a bit, but otherwise I'm an open book!

I'm very chill most of the time, and can be very laid back. More a follower personality. I can be a bit cavalier as I deal with everything through (often quite dark) humor, but if I ever make someone genuinely uncomfortable I'm good to stop. I do need to be told peoples feelings directly though as I'm not a good judge of others unless I already know them well. Because of this I don't sus out peoples intentions well and see the best even when maybe it's not there. I'm pretty naive and gullible tbh. If you dig my humor, though, I'm really funny.

I'm very mental health aware. I suffer from anxiety and bipolar II, so I can be a lot. That being said, I'm very observant with those I love and very good at dealing with ups and downs in myself and others. I'm very introspective and always in my head for better and worse. I'm always striving to better myself, but tend to doubt myself and give into negative self talk.

I value my found family above all else. There's nothing I wouldn't do for them and I've been told I'm too loyal. I also value accountability, a growth mindset, and ambition.

Im very indoorsy and a bit of a homebody. That being said, I don't mind being spontaneous from time to time or going out if there's something interesting to do.

I have my moments of insecurity for sure but I'm pretty confident most of the time. Like I said, I'm an open book - I'm not shy to talk about anything with someone who asks and is seemingly well-intentioned! I honestly just have a huge interest in how people think and love picking their brains lol. I also love silly theorheticals for this very reason.

I'm a big softie who unsuccessfully pretends to be a tough guy. I've got a major weakness for cute things and wouldn't hurt a fly in reality. Soft candy with a gooey centre fr.

APPEARANCE

Hair: I have shoulder-length very dark brown wavy hair with a side part and grown out fringe. My hair is plain but it's soft!

Eyes: I have beautiful, big chocolate brown eyes with long lashes. They're one of my favourite parts of myself!

Body: I have olive skin, a pear figure, and am overweight. I have about 7 smallish tattoos, and piercings in my lips, ears, and nose.

Style: usually I'm very hobo-chic with all sweats but my preferred style is either full alt or cute pink dresses and bows.

--

Tysm for your time! Don't hesitate to message me if you have any questions!

Author's Note: Thank you so much for this request and how detailed and well structured it is! It made my work really enjoyable. As a side note, you seem such a nice person. Hope you'll enjoy it! 🌹

I ship you with...Trafalgar D Water Law!

(lovely gif is not mine, please show appreciation to the OP)

- Your chill and laid-back way of being is what naturally draws him to you. Afterwards, your bubbly side is what keeps him close, all whipped and annoyed.

- He hates to admit that you are exactly what he needed.

- You both seem loyal, mature and ambitious. Once he discovers those traits in you, he decides that he wants you close. An ally, maybe. That's what he sees in you initially.

- A softer demeanor is what Law needs to heal from his past. You being a softie is what will keep him getting better. Is also a side of you that he wants to keep as a secret, not wanting others to try to use it as manipulation.

- Being introspective is a mutual trait so at times, it will be a little complicated for you to figure out and communicate what's happening between you two.

- He's the first to notice that you're feeling anxious. Maybe because he's a doctor or maybe because he worries for you, who knows? (Hint: It's both.)

- The innocent gullibility you mentioned is something that triggers Law to take care of you. And also to tease you, good luck.

- Soft hair? Lay next to him as he's studying and let him run his fingers through your hair while he's reading.

- A cute scenario? You two would have late night convos about tattoos and piercings. Both being half asleep, talking about what other tattoos or piercings you want/consider cool.

- About your style, I think you two would make a great power couple when you go for the alternative aesthetic. If you go for the cute pink aesthetic, there's something about it that makes him whipped.

[blackhakumen]

Mini Fanfic #1171: The Diary of Beartrap (Epithet Erased)

Dear Diary,

It's been a while, hasn't it?~ I'm sorry it took too long for me to write to you. Quite a lot has happened to me as of late: Some hectic, some exciting, a few rough patches and there, but I promise you there's a lot good after that. In fact, my life has gotten a lot better since it ever been, but I'm getting way ahead of myself already, so let's get started , shall we?

To get the bad and obvious out of the way, my relationship with my family hasn't improved at all unfortunately. Lorelai's still as lazy and self-centered ever while always constantly butting heads with me every chabce she gets, dad-no, Martin, is too investing in his own little world to even care about anything anymore, and I always had to spend the last few years of my life, watching over the toy store and keep it up float while cleaning up THEIR messes on a daily basis! And yeah, I HATE every second of it and EVERYDAY!!

.....But it couldn't be helped. The day mother left has been really rough for all of us since then, so it's not too hard to understand why our relationship became so....distant, hollow, dysfunctional and so.....messy. I should've realized sooner that things would turn out the way it did and be more prepared, but even then, I doubt it would've been any less stressful and draining than it was now and after everything Lorei put me and my friends through in her fantasy world of hers that night, I decided enough was enough and leave everything behind me: the toy store, the people I used to call my family, and.....my previous life up to this point..........

And I'm happy I made that choice, because like I said, my life really turned around for a whole lot better since then. I'm doing a lot better in school, I get to spend more time with my friends stressed-free, I even did a few other things I've never thought i would ever get to do in whole life: like being a part of school plays, attend football amd basketball games, and making these suuuuuper yummy cinnamon apple raisins waffle in cute cub head shapes~

To tell you truth, I don't think any of this would be even remotely be possible if it weren't for the two people who are working their butts off into looking after me as of late: Crusher, the biggest teddy bear of a sweetheart I have ever met (Which is pretty ironic considering he actually went as a teddy bear for Halloween last year. So freaking adorable!~ i should really remember to him again when he and the others come back), and my one and only boss: Giovanni Potage.

I honestly don't think I have the proper words to express how much he means to me or even how thankful I truly am for everything heaven done for me so far. He taught me how to be more confident in myself and become more assertive, he goes out of his way and beyond to try to help me with stuff in general, and he even went out of his way to take me our of my miserable home life and does his very best to look after me to this very. He sees a lot more value and importance in me than I even realized I have any myself. He did all of this is.....because he cares about me. Because he loves me. And......I love him too. So much that.....I wanna do whatever I can to help him out: with our new villain group, any of his newer evil schemes, and everything else in general. It's the least I can do for everything he have done for me thus far.

To this day, I still don't think I have a clue as to what the future will have in store for me or what to expect going forward, but I won't let it scare me off that easily. I won't let my past life take a hold of me any longer. I am going to live rest of my life to the fullest by my own accord and with the people I truly love and cherish. And if anyone has a problem with that, they can go screw themselves right off to the blazing sun, cause I'm not stopping one bit!

Giovanni: (In the Other Room) Ohh Beeartraaaaap!~ Dinner's finally ready!~

Crusher: And we finally return with SNACKS!

Spike: Annnnd a good amount of decent quality movies we can all watch!~ None of which were chosen by Ben thank God!

Ben: Dude, seriously!?

Car Crash: Hey, we're not the ones who brought tickets to that knock off Ice Age movie that one time, didn't we?

Ben: ('Let's Out a Frustrated Scream')

Molly: (Giggles Softly) Coming! (Finishes Up Writing on her Diary)

Okay, as much as I would love to stay and wrote, I gotta go now. We're having lasagna and a whole movie night tonight. They said they'll be a lot a movie to watch through this time around, so fingers crossed for at least a few of them to be decent. But until then, I'll try and write to you more often. It is one of my many New Years Resolutions after all, might as well make the most out of them.

Love,

Molly Blyndeff A.K.A. Beartrap

@aprilbrowines

[comfymoth]

Do you have any plans for spreen and missa's family? Because my personal headcanons keep bleeding into my thoughts about the au and I don't remember if you've said anything about it except that the brothers were born werewolves lol. My headcanon is generally that they're on negative terms with their parents, based on jokes spreen has made in the past (mostly rubius saying "look spreen, we found dad" when they saw a bear and spreen going "DAD YOU MOTHERFUCKER" and shooting it and also him jokingly saying "friends, don't fight, it reminds me of my childhood")

honestly, for monster au specifically i’ve been imagining that spreen and missa’s home life was pretty average. maybe a liiiittle dysfunctional, but not horrifically— missa remembers a good childhood! his parents spent plenty of time with him, they got along, really no big issues there. his dad got a new job and went back back to working full time when he was about eight or so, but by then he was a big kid and well established in school, so it didn’t really effect him!

only thing is. well. the plan was no more kids. their dad wouldn’t have accepted that new position otherwise. but spreen is a complete surprise, and so his experience growing up is very different from missa’s— now dad isn’t home all the time, sometimes he’s working on full moons, mom is stressed about it, a couple arguments are overheard… and spreen, being soso small, takes it hard. he takes it worse when missa fucking lets it slip that he was an accident! his parents absolutely still loved him, and they did their best, you know, they did try. but baby spreen couldn’t process ‘they’re trying’, he just wanted his dad There and he Wasn’t and he never really got past that. and now that he’s in his early 20’s, developmentally at the age where people really take stock of their childhoods and put their parents on trial… well he is NOT close to forgiving them any time soon.

[mythologyfolklore]

Dragon Tears - Chapter 04

Chapter Four: That Lotusdragon Slowburn

.

“I was brought back to life shortly after Nézhā. After being resurrected, I was traumatised and needed peace and quiet, so I'd run away from the palace once in a while – made my father angry every time – and wander on the shore. One day Nézhā was also there and when we bumped into each other, I kinda froze up, flashbacks ran through my head and then I ran away. He caught up to me – no thanks to his red sash – and I thought I was screwed. But then he gave me an apology for killing me. Though frankly, it was the cringeworthiest apology I'd ever heard.”

“Why? What did he say?”

“'Sorry I killed you.'”

Èrláng pulled a face. “You're right. That is a cringeworthy apology.”

“Yeah. I thought he was mocking me and got really angry. I screamed at him, gave him a slap and dove back into the sea-”

As soon as those words had left Áo Bĭng's mouth, he froze; he had just admitted to slapping Nézhā, in front of the latter's adoptive father. He braced himself for a terrifying outburst.

What he got instead was … calm?

“Normally I'd be outraged at the notion of anyone laying a hand on my son”, Èrláng said. “In this case, however, your response was perfectly justified. What my son did to you was terrible and completely over the top, there is no sugarcoating it. If my uncle suddenly gave me a half-assed apology for everything he did to me, I would be angry too.”

Áo Bĭng arched an eyebrow. “I find it hard to imagine the Jade Emperor of all gods apologising to anyone. Or regretting anything, for that matter.”

“That's because he'd never. He doesn't know what regret is”, stated Èrláng bitterly.

“Why are our families so dysfunctional?”, the prince wondered.

“Dunno”, came it with a shrug. “Must be some kind of bastard gene that is activated in prominent family members. At least that's what my nephew always says.”

Áo Bĭng held back a snort, but continued his tale. “So, after the disaster that was our reunion, we lived our own lives and minded our own business for a while, until we inevitably met again and this time we physically fought and I lost. Again. But to be fair, that one was on me. I kinda taunted him to, uh, finish the job, so to speak. After all, he already killed me once, I thought, what would stop him from doing it again? But this time he said no. He told me he had learned to control himself and that he wasn't going to kill me, unless he had absolutely no other option. Then he walked away. Along with my pride”, he added sourly. “Thereafter I still hated and feared him for another millennium or so? Anyway, towards the end of that period, things simmered down a bit, we went from fighting to talking normally and communicating our grievances in a half-way functional manner. But from our first battle to that point, it took us over 1200 mortal years to accomplish what mortal humans can do in decades and less, which is honestly ludicrous.”

“Eh. Less time than my husband and I. Go on.”

“So, after exchanging apologies, we became friends and secretly hung out. I don't think I ever was as happy as when I got to wander the land with him. This went on for another 1000 years. But after that, he started giving me all kinds of strange trinkets every time we met. Snacks from the surface world, scrolls and books he charmed waterproof, and those glass orbs you can grow plants in¹. They're my most priced possessions. You know, living underwater gives you a different view on what is precious and what isn't. Especially for me as a prince. Any halfwit can give me gold, silk and pearls, if he's rich enough. You know what I mean?”

“Of course.”

“All this got me anxious, because at first I wasn't sure what it meant, what I should do, what kind of gifts I could give in return. After a while I just settled on giving him things from my own home that I thought he'd like. Pearls, aquariums with tiny reefs, the most beautiful shells I could find, fresh seafood for him to eat. This went on for another 700 years, until I finally thought to ask him, why he was giving me all those presents in the first place. You should have seen his face, when he realised I had reciprocated his gift-giving without even knowing what was going on.”

Èrláng grinned: “You know what, I can totally see it before my eyes right now. The complete and utter shock and horror, as he realised you were clueless.”

Áo Bĭng giggled: “Yes, exactly. But his face wasn't half as dumb as mine, when he professed his feelings and explained to me, that he was trying to court me.”

“And that's when you two got together?”

“No. I wasn't entirely ready for romance, so told him he was too young for me. Though he really was over 2800 years old at the time, physically he was still a child. I wasn't. He accepted my refusal, but 'threatened' to try again a few centuries later. Until then, he continued to give me the most extravagant presents gold and power can buy. Perks of being the Third Lotus Prince and Marshal of the Central Altar, I suppose. He even got me a freaking permit to visit Heaven, whenever I want to! My older brothers were so envious of me, and when they asked how I'd gotten my claws on that permit despite not being a Celestial, I just shrugged and said 'Connections'.”

Chuckling, Èrláng nodded: “Ah, yes. The satisfaction of getting to be smug for the first time in your life, because now you have something the people you've envied before don't. Truly one of the sweetest feelings in the world.”

“Exactly that! But even without that, I don't think I've ever been treated with so much reverence in my entire life. For the first time, I felt like I was more than just a reserve. I felt genuinely appreciated. And …”, he blushed, “… before I knew it, he had stolen my heart away. Then he confessed the second time and from there things went fast. We started dating and two mortal years ago we got engaged. The rest you know.”

“… I suppose. Anyway, do you two already have a da-”

“Five months, three weeks and two days from now!”, Áo Bĭng blurted out, before the other could finish the question.

Èrláng's eye twitched and his face grew dark, as if he had just heard something truly calamitous.

“That's … something I should have been told much earlier”, he said very slowly.

Áo Bĭng winced and tried to make himself as small as he could.

Luckily the outburst didn't come and the dragon prince didn't get hurt.

But Èrláng still looked grumpy as hell.

“Let's go back”, he spoke grimly. “It seems I have another phone call to make.”

Áo Bĭng gulped and obeyed.

.

---

.

1) What he means is a sealed bottle garden.

[annwrites]

Aemond, to protect SG from the political machinations of his grandfather and the lack of character of his mother, who would do anything her father tells her at the expense of her children's happiness, would decide to move with SG to Pentos to live in peace, as would Daemon and Laena. As they are both second children and are not expected to inherit the throne, they could live in peace in Pentos, away from the political intrigues of the court. In this way, their children would grow up free, without having to endure the toxic environment and the malicious comments of the members of the royal court from an early age.

I believe that living in Pentos, for Aemond, would not only be a literal breath of fresh air, but also a metaphorical one. There he could let his guard down and realise that he only needs to concentrate on being a husband and father, protecting his family. In Pentos, Aemond would no longer have to look after his dysfunctional older brother, or try to live up to his mother's expectations, or put up with the court of King's Landing. I think living there would be one of the best things to happen to him after marrying SG and having children with her. The love of SG and his children that is just for him, and living in Pentos, would be the best thing for him, it would save him. Aemond would come to a mutual understanding with Jace and Luke. Though he would never forgive them for what they did to him as a child, they would reach a relationship similar to that of Rhaenys and Daemon in the series. The three would put up with each other because of their love for the same person (SG) and understand that they can't make each other suffer, as that would make SG suffer as well. They are united by her and her babies.

The right word to describe their relationship is friendly. It wouldn't be a strained relationship, but they wouldn't be friends either. They would put up with each other, but they would never become friends, because it's hard to be friends with someone who bullied you as a child and who you barely see now because they live far away. Aemond would understand that he must put everything behind him, for these men share blood with the woman he loves and with his own children. To disown them would mean disowning her and his own children, the best thing that ever happened to him. Aemond just hated Joffrey by extension, but Joffrey never did anything to him, just exist. Therefore, Aemond and Joffrey would be closer friends with each other than Aemond, Luke and Joffrey. However, they would not advance to a true friendship because of the age difference and distance. Perhaps Aemond would train with him when Joffrey visited them in Pentos. Also, Aemond would never again hint about bastardy or being "strong" because that would be insulting to his own wife and he would never want to harm SG in any way. Aemond would understand that these men are important to his wife and he would respect them for it because Aemond loves her. Also Aemond would not deny that if something were to happen to him and SG, the best options to take care of their children are SG's family. Daeron would also be a good choice, but only if he continued to live in Oldtown away from their grandfather, their mother and especially Aegon (it's a pity that Daeron hasn't been introduced in the show… yet… I hope).

Okay, I'm done with my very idealistic thinking. I'm sorry because it's too long and maybe too unrealistic.

Honestly, the reason I haven't even started the one-shot is bc idk where the hell I'd send them to.

There's no hiding w/ Vhagar being w/ them (I refuse to have Aemond leave her in KL). But, even if Alicent or Otto or Aegon sent men to retrieve them back to Westeros...good luck with that.

Aemond will just have Vhagar burn them to death to the point where they'd have no other choice than to finally leave them be. Because Aemond's value to them in the war is through his dragon. And he's not going to willingly ride her back 'home'.

[ankhisms]

have experienced what feels like 800 emotions in rapid succession on a rollercoaster today and it hasnt even really been a bad day honestly or anything im fine you know how it is

my mood swings have just been a lot stronger than they usually are since thats one of the biggest things my meds are for theyre like supposed to be a mood swing stabelizer but anyway

something that im aware is related to my more severe paranoia and obsessive compulsive issues but is less severe and more just adjacent to those is like being scared that im somehow a hypocrite about various random things or that im somehow secretly an awful horrible person who hurts people and does bad things without me even realizing that im doing that. im also aware that this very much stems from the way my abuser treated me and also the behavior of ""friends"" i had when i was younger who just now as im older i realize honestly didnt even like me and kept me around to make fun of me and be cruel to me together as a kind of group bonding thing.

which sucks because when im doing self soothing techniques and trying to calm myself down or even just approaching these thoughts and talking myself thru things it can be hard to counter the fear of "what if my friends or people i know in general actually talk together about how im an awful person and they hate me or talk together about how ive done something wrong without telling me?" with "no thats not fair or true and not based in reality" because it very much WAS reality for me. not in the sense of me having done something "wrong" in the past with those ""friends"" but like them being cruel to me and making fun of me when i wasnt around and the things i did ""wrong"" were just my autistic traits and other symptoms of my various mental things especially during that period of my life where i was completely unmedicated and had just gotten away from my abuser and was still in the awful school environment of being harrassed every single day.

anyway its really like. i know i shouldnt worry about this, rationally i know this. but just because i know something isnt rational it doesnt make my brain stop obsessively thinking about it so its like i could see someone saying "i hate when people go to the moon and jump up and down and sing the abcs" (ridiculous example bc i cant think of anything else) and i could at first go oh yeah i get that and like their post but then my brain will go but what if ive done that without realizing it and they see me liking their post and they go "ugh rey this post is about YOU and people like you and youre such a hypocrite and dont even know it" and the spiral begins. and in the end i guess all of this just goes to show that having people pretend to be friends with you only to hate you and ridicule you and pick apart every little thing you do behind your back really fucks you up.

also thinking about the ex close friend who cut me off out of nowhere with no explanation for seemingly no reason about a year or so ago now and ive continued to have kind of taking off the rose tinted glasses moments where i loved and cherished this friend so much that i excused how shitty they treated me at different times. not at all saying they are or were a bad person or that there was any abuse going on or anything like that but im just realizing that we both come from dysfunctional abusive families and we both have our own physical and mental problems and so throughout our friendship we both mightve not made the best choices or couldve handled things better and im not exempt from that. but also i realized that he would not tell me if i had done something to upset him and it would be like a guessing game for me and would really stress me out and make me feel awful

and its like. now as im older i would want to be able to talk things out and understand what had happened and be able to apologize and work on doing better. and in general thats something i really try my best on like i think in the past i would really get stuck in obsessively overthinking in self analyzing and get into moral obsessive compulsive spirals that just ended up hurting myself more than helping me grow, and anyway i always want to be able to step back and look at myself and my actions and be willing to listen if someone tells me ive done something hurtful or that i need to re-examine my behavior and beliefs, i think im pretty good at listening to people about stuff like that and have gotten much better about not falling into those spirals i just mentioned and examining myself in smaller healthier doses

but at the same time i do really get worried that people just arent telling me that theyre upset with me or that ive done something wrong or hurt them in some way. i really just want to be a good friend to people and i dont want people to be scared of coming to me and talking with me if ive done something to hurt them or to just talk about things with me in general and i dont want people to think im so fragile and mentally fucked up that theyd be scared of upsetting me by telling me id done something hurtful and letting it fester instead. i dont want to hurt people i want to spend my life making people happy and helping people and being a good friend, thats what i want most out of my relationships in life overall. i want to make people feel content and happy and safe.

but idk i just get scared. please be honest with me be upfront with me be blunt with me even i know im traumatized but i wont shatter into a million pieces if you tell me youre upset with me ill appreciate you being honest about it and ill stop whatever it was i was doing or work on it. i know im bad with social cues bc of autism and if i misunderstand something or say something inappropriate/out of my lane due to this please just tell me yknow

i really hate that my brain is like this and that having been abused and mistreated in the past has made me struggle like this because i want to trust that people arent talking badly about me or angry with me secretly i dont want to be so paranoid i dont want people to feel like they cant be honest with me or that im made of glass and that ill shatter if they tell me theyre upset with me, i want to trust that the people in my life like me and dont secretly hate me and im really trying hard but paranoia isnt something i can just magically wave away yknow its something im probably going to be dealing with for most of my life and im always kind of scared that people are going to get tired of my paranoia

despite living in survival mode constantly i still love all the people in my life a lot and i just want everyone to be happy and safe and i always wish there was more i could do to help everyone and i want everyone to be able to thrive and to be living comfortably and have all their needs met and to get all the help they need i love everyone a lot i want everyone to be okay and yeah

have also been majorly overthinking about if i want to do something that im being vague about as i ramble about it which i know is silly and its not even like something bad or negative but i just keep overthinking about the possible what if scenarios of oh what if i do this and they react really badly and cut me off and never want to talk to me again and due to this im also unfortunately like overthinking most things recently and being even MORE scared than usual of coming off as weird or being weird and making people uncomfortable but aint that just the way yknow. ill either do it or ill be a coward

anyway besides that my days been pretty decent its a lovely early autumn day. after typing this all i realized im probably feeling super emotional and weird because i just started my period lmao but thanks if you read this i love u mwah