#honestly i just started experimenting with shading later on

[heal2ninjagogirl]

I am cruel I am gentle I can make you laugh

[advertingpizza]

experiment gone wrong

i had this super cool idea. started the super cool idea. it turned out nice UNTIL i decided to go out of my comfort zone lmao. as soon as i tried to fix it, everything started spiraling out of control to the point of NO return. everything i tried to fix it made it worse and honestly i just gave up.

howeverrrrr, i spent time on this and this blog is dedicated to documenting all of my art journey (including my amazing defeats), so i am sharing it anyways.

reference + progress pics below the cut

the biggest disappointment,,,, i found out halfway through working that the reference pic is ai generated :/ i've included the link to the pin but will not be including the actual photo in this post

i regret not sticking with this. the oranges and the blues mix so well but i had a plan... (this is where it started going wrong)

my biggest mistake was hiding the hair because i was shading the skin to match the environment but not the hair. later on when i revealed the layer, i could not get the blonde hair to look right underwater :')

so i multiplied the layer. honestly i liked it here and i really should've just stopped but i didn't.

legit it just started looking so corny like a 2010 lisa frank lunchbox

lastly, the tem reference i used because you cant ever go wrong with tem

[shytastemakerthing]

Hello!!

I would like to request another Albino!reader but with Savanaclaw and/or Scarabia.

I think it'd be really interesting to have the boys see Albino!reader struggling in the hot weather of their dorm.

A/N: The albino!reader saga continues!! I am beginning to love this little series and I am glad that you are enjoying it as well! We can only begin to imagine what these dorms would be like for them! As someone who limits time in the sun and hotter weather (genetics makes me burn in 5 minutes despite all the sunscreen), some of that experience will be seen here. Enjoy!

Tw: None

Request: Albino!reader with Savanaclaw and Scarabia

Dividers are made by @blueberry-pride and @cafekitsune

This would take place shortly after the whole deal with Octavinelle and Azul's OB. Maybe a month

Leona didn't really notice at first, as you preferred to keep as much of your skin hidden and eyes covered

He will admit, he was a little curious, but never really bothered to ask you about it

Until he heard about the scuffle that was happening in the lounge of the dorm

Turns out he wasn't the only one curious, but he was the one that was smart enough to actually put hands on you

As several of his other dorm members did

All but paused the moment he saw you, and another beast-man who had your jacket basically torn in his hands and you desperately trying to cover, already feeling the heat against your skin, and seeing you grimace in pain

The story is, no one has seen him scowl so hard, Ruggie being the one to basically keep Leona from ripping into the beatman

After that, he actually picked you up, feeling the heat on your skin , and would take you back to his room where there would be more shade this time of day, already bringing out a few creams to help with the burns that were already forming

...... don't look at him like that

Listen, just tell him if you need anything to help with the heat and sun, especially if you start coming by his dorm more often, okay?

You were actually waiting for him at Savanaclaw to come back from spell drive practice

He had helped you out a few days ago in keeping you covered from the sun. It had been raining that day so you hadn't brought any coverings, but it decided to stop halfway through and the sun came out all bright. Ruggie had loaned you his jacket and you wanted to be able to repay him

And that led you to sit under one of the trees in the lounge by the water with a box of homemade donuts. After hearing of his love of said treat, what better way to repay him?

Being too wrapped up in waiting for him, rather excited, you had failed to notice that the sun had begun shifting, shoulders and back exposed to the sun

Oh, but Ruggie certainly noticed when he came into the dorm to see you there

Was torn between helping you and figuring out what you had in the box

Back in his room, he was eating one of said donuts while you sat on his bed as he applied a burn cream to your poor skin

Perhaps you can wait in his room next time?....... and he'll take more of those donuts as well

You had met Jack during one of his track meets. It was honestly kinda hard to miss you given your state of dress to shield yourself from the heat and sun

Certainly knew of albinism. He had actually seen a couple of people back home with the condition

So seeing you out here in all the heat, no doubt sweating under all of those layers, he had welcomed you back to the dorm to help cool

The sun was down but not to curfew time, so it was rather cool at the time and resting your feet in the water felt rather nice

Hence why you thought it was a good idea to visit him again a few days later

But now it was bright and sunny and hot

Trying to find him, you had actually gotten lost in the dorm, and once he heard, he was on his way rather quickly to find you

And when he did?

You were trying to fit under one of the smaller trees away from the sun and heat, but smiled when you saw him

He isn't one for the heat either, given it was certainly chillier and more snowy at his home in the Shaftlands

Straight up picked you up and carried you back as quickly as he could, trying to keep you hidden from the sun

Back to his room, he drew the blinds on his window and offered you some water

Maybe you can try coming to his home sometime? You wouldn't have to worry about the heat and sun as much

It was after the events of book 4 when he got to know you more

He had learned of your condition more when both of you were sent far out into the desert as before, you had always kept your skin and eyes hidden away, but you clearly struggled with the head

Being out in the desert, he figured out more about your albinism and how the sun and heat affect you

Now, Kalim can be rather smart when he needs to or wants to be and not always so naive (sunshine personality coping mechanism for childhood trauma between kidnappings and assassination attempts, I will die on that hill), granted he can still be very naive at times

Getting you back to the dorm was key priority, not just to stop Jamil, but to get you out of the desert before the sun rises

After all of that, you began to visit Scarabia more often

And he absolutely loved that

But he also saw how the heat affected you, as you chose to say nothing in hopes to spend more time with him

The next time he saw you, you were instantly whisked away to a new addition to the lounge he had made just for you

Shielded from the sun, just as lavish as the rest of the dorm, and nice air conditioning

From now on, want to meet him here? He will make sure you have everything to be nice and cozy when you come over!

It was after his own OB when he fully learned of your albinism

It was something that you never drew attention too

If he was being honest, he thought you were just extra protective of your skin from the sun like Vil was, not wanting any burns or blemishes to form

It was only afterwards that he found out it was because you were born with one of the more extreme cases of albinism, the sun and heat very easily able to damage your skin and eyes, quite literally capable of blinding you and causing irreversible damage to your skin

......and he had banished you to the ends of the desert within the dorm

Had you not made it back when you did with the help of Kalim's UM and the Octotrio.....

No, he wasn't going to think about that right now

After the events of his OB, you had been recovering in the medical room on and off for about a week and thankfully, no permanent damage was done

After you were cleared, the first thing you did was visit him and it became a more common thing for the both of you

He had been at club practice when you came by the dorm, opting to wait in the lounge, using a sweat towel to help keep cool

And he wasn't the most pleased seeing you sweating, even in the shade, it can still be dangerous

Straight up grabs you and takes you to the kitchen. It's cool in there, he can get you some water and a cold press for your warm skin, and make a snack for the both of you

Can you keep visiting him? Please? He's never had care like yours before and he doesn't want too lose it any time soon

Thank you for this request! I really enjoyed it!

[alexfromjersey]

𝓝𝓨𝓒 & 𝓗𝓸𝓵𝓵𝔂𝔀𝓸𝓸𝓭

jenna ortega x g!poc

summary: nine months ago, your best friend Davis took you to an afterparty for a movie premiere. nine months ago, you hooked up with Hollywood's newest "IT" girl...

warnings: semi-famous!reader, smut, mature language

a/n: honestly I just started writing whatever came to mind. so enjoy 👍🏾. Never in my whole fanfiction writing time have I written 5.1K words...NEVER! Also, the stuff Jenna does here does not reflect her actual character, this is just fiction and is for fanfic entertainment purposes.

Next Chapter | Series Masterlist

MARCH 2023

"Back the fuck up, move the fuck back, back the fuck up, move the fuck back” Your best friend, Davis shouted the lyrics at the top of his lungs. You were sitting next to him recording him for your YouTube channel trying to contain your laughter.

The two of you were on your way to the red carpet premiere of a new movie Davis was in, Scream 6. Usually, you tend to stay away from red-carpet premieres because it ain’t your thing but you wanted to support Davis. The two of you have been friends since the 1st grade. Through thick and thin, you’ve been through it all with each other.

He begged you to come with him to the red carpet, at first you declined but then he used puppy dog eyes and told you a vlog of the event will get you views. You caved in. He offered to get you a stylist and everything but you declined. You wanted to do it yourself and you don’t think you did that bad.

( ^ your outfit )

“Don’t come to Bronx with that shit ‘cause we ain’t fuckin’ with that shit” Davis shouted into the camera just as the video stopped recording. You looked up and saw the driver kept glancing at y’all in the rearview mirror with a scowl on his face.

I guess you were to ghetto for him…ANYWAY.

Soon y’all pulled up to the place and immediately was hit with bright camera flashes and semi-screaming fans. Security got out first then Davis, then you, and then his manager Jerry. They led y'all to the carpet where fans were behind a barrier. You stayed next to Jerry while Davis went to take pictures with the fans.

“Damn these lights bright as fuck” You mumbled under your breath. You took out a pair of sunglasses you stole from Davis’ closet and put them on to shade your eyes from the light.

A few minutes later, Davis had to take pictures down the red carpet and do some interviews. But he motioned you over to come take pictures with him. Y’all did different poses, some serious and some funny. He also dragged you to an interview with The Hollywood Reporter.

“Davis, congratulations on your first-ever major movie role. I have to ask, how did it feel being in a movie and with a cast like that?” The interviewer asked.

“It was such a blessing. I’m so blessed to have been around talented people like them. I learned so much from them and being in the movie was such a privilege and amazing learning experience” Davis flawlessly answered.

That media training coming in handy.

“Now I can’t help but notice the guest you brought. They look fly, who is that?” The interviewer asked.

Davis placed his arm around you and pulled you in next to him. “This is my best friend since 1st grade, Jahaziel. I’ve brought her here today so she can get out of the house and step into my world for a little. She even dressed herself.”

You took a step back and did a little pose but when you took a step back, you bumped into someone. You quickly turned around to see a slightly familiar face. You only see her on the poster for the movie. You think her name started with a G or J?

“My fault” You apologized.

“Jenna!” Davis shouted and hugged his co-star who returned his hug but she kept glancing at you.

“Jenna, this is my best friend Jahaziel. Jah this is Jenna” Davis introduced the two of you.

“How you doing” You greeted her and shook her hand.

“Hi, nice to meet you” Jenna replied politely.

Suddenly, Davis and Jenna had to take group pictures with the rest of the cast. Which meant you were stuck next to Jerry again at the other end waiting for Davis.

While you were waiting though, you took pictures and videos yourself of the cast for Davis on his phone and for the vlog on your camera. But as you were doing it, you kept catching Jenna glancing at you. At first, you thought she was looking for someone or something behind you so you moved out of the way out of respect. But that theory went out the window when her eyes followed you to your new spot.

It was time for everyone to head inside for the premiere. Jerry guided you to where you’ll be sitting and handed you a menu.

“Oh, you get five stars meals too? I might have to come to more premieres with him” You said to the camera with a wink. You picked something simple and waited for Davis.

While waiting, you decided to go over the footage you gathered already to give yourself an idea of how you gonna edit it.

“Let me guess, you’re a YouTuber?” A voice in front of you said. You looked up from your camera and saw Jenna standing there.

"I guess you could call me that. I’ve just recently started doing videos. I stream on Twitch a lot though" You answered.

"Twitch? Oh that live stream platform. My younger brother likes to watch that stuff. He watches that Kay Seenat or something, do you do the same things he does?" Jenna asked intrigued.

“Kay Seenat is crazy" You laughed.

“Oh my god, did I say it wrong? I’m so sorry” Jenna gasped.

You chuckled, “Nah you good but it’s Kai Cenat for future references and I sort of do the same thing. I mostly play games like Call of Duty, Fortnite, and horror games.”

Jenna hummed in response before sitting down next to you.

“Where are you from? I detect an accent" Jenna asked.

"Bronx-born and raised baby" You smirked at her. Jenna also smiled at you but before she could reply, her manager came up to her and tapped her on the shoulder. They spoke in a whisper and Jenna turned towards you with a slight frown on her.

"I have to go but I'll see you at the Afterparty right?" Jenna asked, hopeful.

"Nah yeah fo'sho, I'll see you there Hollywood" You nodded. A blush formed on Jenna's cheeks at the nickname as she got up from her seat and followed her manager. You may or may not stare at her backside while she walked away...respectfully though.

"Not you acting thirsty for my co-star" Davis plopped down in the seat Jenna was in.

"What? I ain't acting thirsty, you buggin'" You sucked your teeth and leaned back in the chair.

"Lying is sinful. I saw those eyes. That's not a path you want to go down B, I'm telling you" Davis said.

"What you mean? She got a stalker boyfriend or some shit?" You questioned. Your food was then placed down in front of you.

"Nah, Jenna is the good girl in Hollywood, despite the movies she's been in. Plus, her fans are mad crazy, her team is mad strict, and you don't exactly fit their expectations of someone she would mess with" Davis shrugged and stole some food off your plate. You hummed in response before looking at your food.

"Yo, why they give me prison portions?"

🤰🏻🩵

It was now time for the Afterparty. The food was shit at the premiere, it had no flavor, looked pale as hell, and the portion was small as hell. Mad was an understatement of how you felt.

"I still had to pay for that shit like are you fucking kidding me? I wanted to smack the shit out of the waiter but he ain’t do nothing wrong” You grumbled while spraying some cologne on your neck and wrists.

“No one ever orders the food at the premieres because 9/10 shit sucks” Davis chuckled.

“Yo fat ass could’ve told me that BEFORE I ordered it” You rolled your eyes.

“At least someone ate it, technically your money didn’t go to waste” Davis shrugged and grabbed his phone and wallet.

“Yeah, you right…I want my $72.65 back WITH interest” You said and held out your hand towards him.

“How about I pay you back in coochie? The number of women that’s gon be at this after party…man somebody is leaving that party pregnant” Davis smirked.

“Pregnant? Lord help us all if either one of us becomes parents” You joked. Davis laughed and the two of you exited the hotel.

( ^ your after-party outfit )

The two of you quickly arrived at the lounge because it was a 10-minute walk from the hotel. It was a decent amount of people there and the music…was horrid but what you expect from a Manhattan lounge party.

You and Davis ordered some drinks and smoked some hookah before Davis went off to mingle with some girls. You, however, stayed in the booth and continued smoking hookah and scrolling through Instagram.

“Excuse me, mind if we sit here?” A voice said. You looked up from your phone and saw Davis’ other co-star Mason and a beautiful girl next to him.

“Go for it” You replied and scooted over a bit to make room for them.

“You look familiar…do you stream on Twitch?” Mason asked.

“Yeah, I do. I just started making mini vlogs of the Bronx” You answered.

“I knew it! I saw a few clips of you on TikTok. You’re hilarious. You did something for another YouTube channel…TalkNYC or something like that” Mason questioned.

“SideTalkNYC. No lie you watch that shit?” You asked with a smile.

“Honestly, I saw your clip and I just fell down a rabbit hole” Mason laughed.

You laughed with him.

Mason then looked to his girl who was paying no mind respectfully, “I’m sorry, how rude of me. This is my girlfriend Amenah” he introduced.

“Nice to meet you Amenah, I’m Jahaziel” You politely responded and waved at her.

“Jahaziel. That’s a strong name” Mason complimented.

“It’s Dominican. My dad is from Punta Cana and my mom is from Jamaica. Got Caribbean blood all through me” You smiled.

“Me too. But my great-grandfather was from Barbados” Mason responded.

“Nice. I got a brother living there” You replied.

“Sweet. Maybe your brother can hook us up with a trip there” Mason said.

“Oh, he’ll love that. He love showing people around the island” You nodded and took another hit of the hookah.

The two started to converse more and his girl even joined in a conversation. The three exchanged socials and the couple left to go dance. Davis didn’t return to the table because he was too busy rizzing up a nice-looking woman in the corner.

You were hungry. You needed food. Now.

You shot a quick text to Davis about heading out to get some food. He replied with a thumbs up. You head out of the lounge and start to make your way down the street. But a soft voice stopped you in your tracks.

“Where are you going?” Jenna asked.

You smiled when you saw her, “Gon’ get some food. I’m starving. That food at the premiere was trash. Y’all gotta step y’all game up.”

“Do we? I’ll be sure to let the event planners know next time” Jenna smirked.

“Bet” You smiled.

You contemplated asking her to join you in your adventure. But you quickly gather up the courage to ask.

“Do you wanna join me?”

“Mind if I tag along?”

You both asked at the same time. The both of you laughed at the interaction.

“Come on, I know a good spot around here,” You said. She starts to walk but stops when she sees that you weren’t walking either.

“What happened?” She asked.

“You should tell your people where you going. I don’t feel like going to jail on kidnapping charges” You replied.

She chuckled but you were dead serious. She told her friends and manager where she was going. They insist on her bringing her security guard which you understood and had no problem with.

“How you doing? I’m Jahaziel, you can call me Jah if you want” You introduced yourself to the security guard. He shook your hand and told you his name, Big L.

The three of you started the adventure to the restaurant which was about a couple blocks away. You took Jenna to a little Mexican restaurant that sold some banging ass food.

You got a table and Big L decided to sit at a table beside the two of you to give you some privacy.

“I recommend getting their grilled veggie enchiladas. The enchiladas here are fire” You said while looking at the menu.

“You know I’m vegan?” Jenna questioned, impressed.

“Yeah…I may have looked you up while I was at the lounge. All I know is that you’re vegan and you’re from Cali. Which makes a lot of sense” You laughed.

Jenna laughed, “Yeah it does.”

You go back to looking at the menu while Jenna just stared at you. She was taking in your features. The way your hair was into a short curly afro, the way your glasses sat on your face enhanced your beauty. The way you occasionally licked your lips while zeroed in on something. She even noticed the tattoos under your hoodie. Her thoughts quickly turned into sinful thoughts and she had to tear her eyes away from you before she did something she regret.

Thankfully, the waiter came and took our orders for everything.

“So, Ms. Hollywood, tell me something I can’t find on Google,” You asked.

“Pretty hard question. My entire life is on Google truly.” Jenna said with a hint of sadness.

“Hmm…ion believe that. I believe that you want the world to think that they know everything about you but there are some things you keep to yourself” You replied.

Jenna smirked, “You think I’ll just willingly tell you right now? We barely know each other.”

“Duh, that’s why we’re having a conversation to get to know each other” You stated.

“Touchè” Jenna nodded.

You still can sense her hesitation so you decided to go first.

“I used to be in the military” You blurted out.

“Wait what? Seriously?” Jenna questioned.

“Yeah, I enlisted in the Marines right out of high school. I didn’t know what to do with myself. The options I had was garbage. I didn’t want to go college, I didn’t want to get a regular 9-5, and I just came from the streets I ain’t wanna end up back there. So the military was a decent option. Good benefits, the pay was good, and I was occupied” You explained.

"What made you get into Twitch?" Jenna asked.

"Well I started off with music but it quickly went nowhere so I turned to doing little comedy skits on Instagram. That gradually got me some followers then I was scrolling through Twitch one day and I stumbled upon this Twitch streamer who was making mad money off of gaming. I was like I can make bands off of just playing games say less. I got myself a PC and PS5 and I started grinding out streams but they weren't hitting like I thought they would. So I got discouraged and I went back into the military for another year, said fuck this shit, got honorable discharged, and went back to streaming." You explained.

The whole time you were talking, Jenna was engaged the entire time. She realized how much she loved how you explained things and told a story. It was entertaining as hell but also interesting.

“Wow” Was all Jenna could say. It wasn’t a bad wow either and you picked up on that. But you wanted to tease her a bit.

“Bad or good wow?” You teased.

“Good wow. Your story is inspiring. I have to watch your content now” Jenna smiled.

“Thank you I appreciate it” You replied.

The waiter brought your drinks and appetizers which you both devoured.

“Oh my god, that was so good. Best food I’ve had in a long time. I don’t think I even have room for my entrée” Jenna commented.

You chuckled, “We can always take it with us.”

Out of the blue, both of you hear a loud gasp. “Oh my god, it’s Jenna Ortega. Hi, I’m so sorry to bother you but can I get a picture real fast?” The fan asked excitedly.

You see her guard instantly go up around the fan. She glanced at you with apologetic eyes before standing up and taking a quick picture with the fan. The fan bid her goodbyes and ran off smiling hard.

“You okay?” You asked.

“Huh?” Jenna absentmindedly said.

“You okay? I saw how tense you got when she came up to you” You pointed out.

“Oh…yeah I’m fine just caught me off guard” Jenna lightly chuckled.

You saw it was a sensitive topic so you didn’t push further out of respect. The food came next and you saw how Jenna was a completely different person now. She was a lot more quiet and not flirtatious like before. The rest of the meal was only one-sided small talk. You got to go containers and paid for the meal even though Jenna insisted on paying.

You wanted to take her mind off whatever it was so you decided to bring her to the roof of a building that looked onto the Manhattan Bridge.

You both sat on the ledge, taking in the view.

“Um…are you sure you’re okay? You don’t have to tell me what’s bothering you but I just want to let you know that I’m a good listener if you wanted to like vent” You comforted her.

“Thanks…” She muttered quietly.

You nodded in response and looked back at the view.

“I felt…normal again. I felt like a normal human being again with you back at the restaurant. I haven’t felt like that lately especially, since the success of Wednesday, my new show, and Scream. Then a fan came up and reality snuck back in. I’m not even upset at the fan because she doesn’t know what I’m going through and it’s not her fault but I just wanted to cherish that feeling a little more” Jenna explained.

“I get it. I seen how hard the fame life can be. I saw it through Davis at one point. That shit can break you in ways that you didn’t know it could. I don’t wish it on my worse enemy” You empathized.

Jenna scooted closer to you and laid her head on your shoulder. You made the bold decision to interlock your fingers with hers.

“Even though we literally just met earlier this evening. I feel comfortable with you like we’ve known each other for years” Jenna said.

“Well, you can keep getting to know me more. You a cool girl Hollywood” You smirked.

Jenna rolled her eyes with a smile on her face. Before she looked up at you, her brown eyes piercing into your hazel ones. Neither acknowledges how your getting closer until the gap between you disappears and lips interlock. At first, the kiss started slow before Jenna placed her left hand on your neck and pulled you closer to deepen the kiss.

The kiss started to heat up rapidly, tongues were now involved and Jenna gripped your neck hairs tightly. Her body heated up at the intense make-out session.

Jenna pulled away, “My hotel is not that far from here.”

You nodded and the two of you rushed off the roof in a hurry to get to her hotel. You got a cab and the ride was only 10 minutes but it felt like forever. Neither of you wanted to touch each other inappropriately out of respect for everyone else. But the cab stopped in front of the hotel and the two of you quickly got out and ran inside. Big L was stuck with our food, unfortunately.

The two of you got in the elevator and once the doors closed. Jenna pounced on you, her lips locked onto yours feverishly. You pushed her up against the elevator wall. Your hands were on her waist, gripping her hips while her hands were on the back of your neck gripping the hair.

Your lips then made their way down to her neck. Nipping and sucking on the flesh until you found the sweet spot under her jaw. A low moan escaped her lips and it egged you to continue but the elevator doors dinged. The two of you pulled away quickly in case there were people but luckily there wasn’t. So you exited onto her floor and sped walk to her room. Your lips were together again before the door fully closed.

Jenna dropped her phone and the hotel key onto the floor. You pulled off your flannel shirt and hoodie and threw it somewhere. Jenna kicked off her shoes and so did you. You then hoisted her up and she wrapped her legs around your hips.

You blindly led the two of you to the bed and laid Jenna on it. You sat up quickly and peeled off your white T-shirt showcasing the many tattoos on your body. You trailed kisses down her body, from her lips to her jaw, to her neck, and to the top of her breasts. A quiet whine escaped her lips while she worked to her top off.

Suddenly, she flipped the two of you over. She was now straddling your waist. The pressure of her body was now your crotch which was painfully restricted due to your jeans.

“Shit” You mumbled as she finally got her top off to reveal her perfect breasts. Instantly, you sat up and took one in your mouth. You started to suck softly as your tongue ran across her nipple. She twitched from the pleasure and you internally patted yourself on the back.

You flipped the two of you over again. You gave attention to the other breast while also unbuttoning her pants. The noises she was letting out were making your jeans tighter than ever. You kiss down her stomach while pushing her pants down her legs. You threw her pants behind you and kissed her bikini line.

“Take it off” She whined impatiently. You chuckled before she pulled off her underwear leaving completely nude to you.

You admired her body for a hot second before you settled in between her thighs. You were on your knees and you pulled her to the edge of the bed. You kissed both her inner thighs, teasing her a little more before you dove right in for the prize.

A loud gasp left her mouth and she slightly arched her back. Her hands quickly found their place tangled in your hair and the sheets. You licked up her slit slowly before wrapping your lips around her clit. You swiped your tongue over it a couple of times before sucking.

Damn, she tastes good.

“Oh, my god…” Jenna moaned, her grip on your head tightening. Her thighs also tightened around your head keeping you in place. You moved down and inserted your tongue into her hole. Your tongue was long and it brushed against certain spots pleasurable inside her.

Her breathing was starting to pick up and her moans increasing in volume. Knowing that hotel room walls are paper thin, you reached up and placed your hand over her mouth. Her right hand gripped your forearm, her nails were making indents in your skin.

You felt her tighten around your tongue before she arched her back high. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head while she orgasmed hard. Her screams of intense pleasure are muffled by your hand. Her body shook as she let go and wave off juices that splashed against your mouth and dripped down your chin. You lapped up as much as you could.

Even though she orgasmed, you continued your assault on her golden area. She hissed and pushed your head from her area, feeling overstimulated. You sat on your knees in front of her with a drenched mouth and chin. You kissed up her body once more before you collided your lips together.

She moaned into your mouth as she can taste herself on your tongue. She grabbed your chain around your neck and pulled you even closer. You used one hand to reach down and unbuckle your belt, throwing it somewhere. You undid the button and pushed your pants off.

Jenna pulled away from your lips and pushed your black boxer briefs off your hips. You watched as she gathered some saliva in her hand before wrapping her fingers around your length. All while never losing eye contact with you.

She’s a super freak, super freak, she’s super freaky…

You groaned as she started rubbing your length sensually. Her thumb brushed over your tip and precum leaked out, giving her extra lubricant. She started pumping you faster. You didn’t want to finish just yet so you grabbed her arms and placed them above her head. You took off the rest of your underwear and positioned yourself. You were leaning on your knuckles that were by her hips and you lined yourself up at her entrance.

Slowly, you pushed in. Her legs automatically wrapped around your waist.

“Mierda nena (Shit baby girl)” You moaned as you watched yourself disappeared inside her. At the sound of you speaking Spanish, you felt her slightly clench around you.

More Spanish speaking it is then.

Once you were fully inside, you paused for a second to let her get used to your size. After a moment, you started with some slow strokes.

“Faster…” She moaned out.

Obeying her request, you started to speed up. You found a suitable rhythm for both of you. It felt so good, you’ve been with your fair share of women but nothing compares to right now. You leaned down on your elbows close to her ear. Her fingernails scratched down your back and the heels of her feet digged into your cheeks.

Her moans and heavy panting were going straight through your ears and sending chills down your spine.

“Te sientes tan bien apretado a mi alrededor (You feel so good clenched around me)” You whispered into her ear. The low tone you spoke in brought out your accent more and it sent vibrations throughout her body straight to her core.

Even though she didn’t know what you said, it still turned her on massively.

You buried your face into her neck as you felt the knot in your stomach tighten. But suddenly, you were pushed away and flipped onto your back. Jenna was on top of you again but this time she had a new game plan in mind.

You slipped out of her while in the process of being flipped on your back. You watched as she undid her ponytail and let her hair flow, which was the sexiest thing ever. She then reached down and positioned herself over you before slowly sinking down.

“Oh my god…fuck” She moaned. She placed her hand on your lower stomach and began to ride you expertly.

You cursed out in pleasure and threw your head back against the pillows. Jenna grabbed your hands and interlocked your fingers for a minute before she placed them on her breasts. You massaged them rolling her hardened nipples in between your fingers.

“Te ves bien encima de mí (You look so good on top of me)” You licked your lips before pulling her down to you. You connected your lips with hers while bending her legs to get stable and wrapping an arm around her waist. You then started plowing into her.

The sound of slapping skin echoed through the room along with Jenna’s heavy breathing. The knot in your stomach got tighter and she clenched around you, letting you know that you were both close.

More profanities spilled out of Jenna’s mouth and her nails dug into your shoulders. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head as she stilled in your arms. You heard her suck in a breath and her nails dug deeper into your skin. She was cumming hard. Her body started convulsing. You felt the hot liquid around your stick and that sent you over the edge.

The knot in your stomach finally exploded. A deep groan left your body as you felt your member twitch inside of Jenna as you emptied out into her. Your hands gripped her hips aggressively until you felt you had nothing else left.

Jenna fell against you, completely exhausted but highly satisfied. The sweat made her baby hairs stick to her glistening forehead.

“God damn girl, I ain’t know you were like that” You complimented while trying to catch your breath.

Jenna laughed and slowly lifted herself off you and plopped next to you. She was exhausted, the recent activity draining her completely. The two of you were still catching your breaths before a phone ringing interrupted your blissful silence.

Neither of you acknowledged the phone, too tired to move. But whoever was calling, called again and the ringing was starting to get on your nerves. You got up and found whose phone it was. It was Jenna’s, you tossed it to her before you went into the bathroom and emptied out your bladder.

You cleaned yourself properly and headed out back into the room.

“Yeah, I’m back in my room…I know…okay bye” Jenna finished the conversation on the phone. She groaned and rubbed her hands down her face.

“You good?” You asked.

“Yeah…my friends are heading back here right now. I wanted you to stay and cuddle” She pouted.

You chuckled and started putting your clothes on, “You can always fly me out Hollywood. I never had a woman fly me out before.”

Jenna smiled and rolled her eyes playfully, “I’ll keep that in mind.”

You grabbed her open phone and she watched as you as you entered your number in her contacts.

“Text me whenever you’re back in The City” You smirked at her.

“I definitely will” She blushed. You went to put your flannel shirt on but she stopped you.

“Wait…I hope this isn’t weird but can I have that?” She shyly asked while pointing to your flannel shirt.

You shrugged and handed it to her. She stood up, with shaking legs which you noticed.

“Shut up” She mumbled. Jenna placed the flannel shirt over her naked body. It was hella big on her. You stood at 6’1 so the flannel was down to her knees. She looked sexy.

“I don’t want you to leave” She whined and wrapped her arms around your waist.

“Oh no I got you dickmitized. I gotta make my escape ASAP” You joked. You heard her suck her teeth and slap your arm. You bend down and placed a soft kiss on her lips. This kiss was slow and full of unacknowledged passion. You hate to admit it but you felt butterflies in your stomach and so did Jenna but neither of you addressed it.

“If you don’t leave now, I don’t think I can fully restrain myself to throw you on this bed again” Jenna whispered against your lips.

You laughed, “Ight Imma go.” You stole another kiss before leaving the hotel room.

“Best work trip ever” Jenna smirked.

Meanwhile, you make it to the elevator doors. They opened and three girls stepped out. But they were staring at you as they knew you. Now usually, you would’ve said something about the staring but you were too tired so you just ignored them and stepped onto the elevator.

“White people…” You mumbled and shook your head. 

[krembruleed]

alright, the other day i loosely implied that i would make a behind the scenes/tutorial type of thing. momma didn't raise no liar, so here goes nothing i guess!

step 1) rough sketch

honestly i skip this entirely if have a really concrete idea of what i want to do. sometimes compositions are just beamed into my brain from On High and a sketch is unnecessary.

step 2) 3d ref

this is where i refine the composition, lighting, camera angles, props, etc. i use DAZ studio for model posing and blender for almost everything else (props, horns, lighting, rendering).

here's a 10 minute video on how to pose models in DAZ if you're interested in doing something like this! it's not very hard! basic posing requires almost no technical know-how.

i've heard magicposer and virt-a-mate are also good for model posing, but i don't have any experience with either program.

after i'm done posing, i transfer the models to blender so i can work on props, environment, and lighting because doing it in DAZ is ass. you can see that i went overboard on the ref for the paladin i worked on last year by modelling armor.

step 3) lineart

at this stage i'm synthesizing my 3d models, reference images, and style choices into lines.

the 3d likeness of my models is poor because I don't have time for that shit, so this is where my humongous folder full of bg3 screenshots comes into play.

for example: looking at my screenshots, astarion's forehead tilts back towards the back of his skull, much more so than my reference model. his chin and jaw are sharper and longer, and the transition between his brow ridge and nose is almost a straight line. if i combine the information from my 3d model and astarion's face, i get something like this:

3d models aren't fleshy (ie, tummy rolls, wrinkles, muscle deformations, butt squish) unless one puts in A LOT of effort like absolute madman chris jones.

you guys know bernini, right? he has a couple great examples of this. see how hades' hands press in on persephone's leg?

this is what we want to add in the lineart because it's too much effort for 3d. laziness is king.

i guess i draw clothes at this stage too, but for some reason there aren't many in this image. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

step 4) base color

i have a little color picked palette that i use for everybody so i get their skintones right before i start messing with colored lighting. i'll use overlay and hard/soft light layers clipped to the base layer during the shading step later.

step 5) shading

if you thought we were done with the 3d part, guess again! i posterize my 3d reference so i can see the shapes of the shadows and highlights better. if i'm not feeling it, i can go back to 3d and change the lighting really easily.

could I make a cel shader for this? yes. am I going to? No. custom shaders are for people with intelligence and I am fresh out. posterization it is.

from there, i do a pretty standard cel shading deal that i usually blur and set to low opacity. (for this image i stuck to no blur because i had been looking at a lot of morebird's art and was really feeling the hard edges)

photoshop is what i use for final rendering because it has bangin tools. the brush customization alone make ps worth it, but i also particularly abuse puppet warp, noise generation, the camera raw filter, and layer styles.

step 6) background

i put the least effort possible into a background and then i blur it into oblivion so you can't fathom the depths of my ineptitude.

and then i have a finished image! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

[darkness-and-books]

Spock fluff alphabet

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?

Not to be weird, but your face, he just enjoys how expressive it is. When you laugh, smile, sigh in irritation, roll your eyes, or yawn. All of it, he just thinks you’re an adorable human 😍🥰.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?)

Not at the moment. He only wants one if it seems practical for the current situation. He loves you, but he’s still hyper-logical. He’s not itching to have kids either, so if you don’t want them he doesn’t mind.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

He’s not really a cuddler himself, but he understands why physical affection is important to you so he won’t stop you from being affectionate. He’ll definitely reach for your hand though if he starts having uneasy feelings (not that he’ll admit to having feelings most of the time). He’ll never stop you from touching him, but he is a bit hesitant to initiate contact.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Doesn’t really do dates, but does teach you to play the Vulcan harp. He mostly does it as an excuse for you to sit in his lap ��😳💚

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…))

Reason. He says that you are his Reason, not like his reason to live, but like his reason, his logic. Highest compliment honestly, he will turn bright green if you mention it.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

Basically instantly, or at least there’s an instant attraction. You just radiate this energy that’s unlike anything he’s ever encountered. At first he tries to convince himself that it’s just curiosity and nothing else.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

Incredibly, you know until he’s not. He tries to be aware of your feelings and such, but he does have a knack for accidentally hurting people’s feelings with his blatant honesty.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Nervously and with your fingers interlaced . It’s a bit of a nervous habit for him. It could also be that he feels that either he or you are being threatened.

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

He’s absolutely enthralled. The way you carry yourself and the way you act, it’s like no one is watching, or maybe that you know everyone is but it doesn’t matter to you. He can’t believe the confidence.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous easily?)

He sees jealousy as illogical as long as he can tell you care for him still. Although he will get a little fidgety if other people touch your hands.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

Rarely, but when he does it’s full of feeling. When he kisses he means it and it’s the only thing he’s focused on. He makes an experience of it, it’s not just a passing thing he does.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?)

He does because he does. It’s true so why wouldn’t he say it, it’s one of the times when his blatant honesty comes in handy.

M = Memory (What’s their favourite memory together?)

He loves just to have you around, so his favourite memory is probably the first time you asked if you could spend the night in his quarters. You just couldn’t sleep so he read to you some before you curled into him and fell asleep.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

No, not only does he not see the point in it, but it would also take up a lot of space that neither of you really has in your quarters. Although, on occasion if he sees you eyeing something he’ll buy it for you when you aren’t looking and gift it to you a bit later.

O = Orange (What colour reminds them of their other half?)

It’s pink, that same shade of muted pink that can be seen under your fingernails. It’s because (at first unintentionally, but now on purpose) you always seem to find a way to be fiddling with his or your hands, almost entirely because you know it’ll make him a little fidgety too.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?)

Definitely uses T’hy’la quite often, but also uses Darling (almost overly annunciates the whole word). Although he probably just calls you by your name or rank when in public, unless provoked by jealousy

Q = Quaint (What is their favourite non-modern thing?)

Books, but also sheet music, I think the two kind of go together. He’ll read to you from whatever newly acquired book he’s got at the moment. While he’s something of an organised person, I also see him leaving books and sheet music just scattered about his quarters, but in an aesthetic way (🤷‍♀️)

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

He’s either going to spend that day reading or you’re going to find him playing some dreadfully melancholic tune on his harp (I don’t make the rules).

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Will list every reason why it is currently illogical to be sad. If that doesn’t work, as it usually doesn’t, then you can hug him until you feel better. He’s not the best hugger, but he’s really good at letting you hug him.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

He is really more of a listener, but if you ask him a question with an answer that he knows anything about, he’s a lecturer, will talk for hours about why this button does that.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

Probably talking, but not with a purpose. He likes the kind of conversation where you’re talking about everything and nothing, sometimes you’ll stop talking for a few minutes and it’ll just be silent, but then you’ll pick up again like you didn’t stop having the conversation.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Honestly, I don’t think that he’s super into himself (if that makes sense, like he generally has good self worth, but he’s not very interested in himself, I dunno) point in case it’s you. He’ll go around the Enterprise doing the Vulcan equivalent of “Look what my SO did/made!”

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

You’re probably alone, he’ll preface with how it’s not really important to him, but he understands that the tradition is important to humans sometimes, and then he’ll just flatly ask if you like to marry him.

X = Xylophone (what’s their favourite song?)

I have other ideas, but ever since reading this fic, I think it might be

I just can’t stop thinking about it, leave me alone. I have this entire playlist of Spock type music if anyone cares to have a look. Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Sort of, sometimes, but mostly he focuses on what needs doing right now. It is a thought has frequently though when he’s finally got time to himself.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

He doesn’t really see the point in having a pet. If you want one though he’ll be okay with pretty much anything that isn’t reptilian. Probably ends up with a cat that he won’t admit he loves.

[gotham-daydreams]

Hey there! I love your work so so much! I check your blog every day and get excited for every new post, I think your ideas and your writing is just spectacular!! I have a quick question to ask if that's alright. I was wondering what the first aid kit in this part of Not Here was implying?

"Like an airsoft gun, some glass beakers, various ties, a pair of shades, a glasses frame, and a sewing kit next to a first-aid kit? Bruce didn't want to think about how the first-aid kit both looked used, and was empty."

Is Bruce upset in a "he wasn't there when the reader was hurt" way, a "how often did they get hurt" way, or is it something else?

Also, if I recall there are some hints/notes about the reader being hurt in fights before but the family never came to help or aid them, which would make sense if that was why it would be empty. Though it does make me wonder if that means they were handling it entirely on their own, did Alfred know/help or did the reader hide it?

I think my first thought about it was a bit darker (iykwim), but I didn't want to jump the gun and assume like that so that's why I've decided to ask (just thinking out of my own experiences with depression) I don't mean to be so dark on purpose though! And I think the other possibilities are more likely anyway.

All in all I'm just a bit curious since the physical hurt the reader has endured hasn't been too expanded upon yet (at least not as much as emotional hurt) and I want to know more about it, what's happened and such :)

That's all! I hope you have an amazing day! Please take care of yourself, you're the most important thing you have!! Peace!!

Hello!

As with a few other things, I really just left it up to interpretation! Since the med kit being empty can honestly mean all of those things- even Alfred persuading the reader to hide it in some way (but that most likely didn't happen, I'll say that much). Though some injuries will be mentioned later :]

After all, the reader did a lot of activities, and participated in various sports during their time in the manor, and basically crammed in everything they could into their schedule. One way or another, they're bound to get hurt. Since even if the sports and activities they've done don't hurt them, then just the sheer amount of stuff they do in a week most likely will.

Accidents are bound to happen, mistakes will be made, and that can lead to injuries one way or another. Maybe from the action of the mistake/accident itself, or from how the reader takes it, along with their own experiences away from all of those things. Like their situation at home, or things that happen to their friends.

I will say that Alfred has helped the reader with some of their injuries at this point, especially ones that were more serious and severe. Though he isn't aware of every single injury that the reader has had. Especially if they were smaller, or just easier to hide, but there have been moments where someone else outside of the manor would notice that the reader is injured instead. Which may or may not lead to a hospital visit, and such records may or may not be mentioned later.

As for Bruce and how he thinks/feels when he first sees the kit? I'll be honest, it's a mix of what you said and some other stuff.

I mean, you come into your kid's room, and not only are they gone, but you're basically shown that they lived their whole life without you through the achievements they've earned. So when you look for them and find that used, empty med-kit? You start to think about what the walls don't show. To think about the journey your kid went through to get to those points, where they were earning awards for the things they did. Bruce was anyway, and I suppose that, just something as small as the med-kit, was already causing him to think about that a little too much.

After seeing the med-kit, the fact that awards only show the end of one's journey to get that particular achievement, won't stop nagging at Bruce. He thinks of the possible hardships you've had to face, and what on God's green Earth has caused you to not only have a med-kit in your room, and hidden away, but also have it be used and empty.

It makes him wonder if it was the only kit you've used, or one of many. And as much as he doesn't want to think about it, the ladder makes sense seeing everything you've participated in, and just how messy you're schedule must've been from running around, and trying to do everything to the point where you got an award for it.

He knows accidents can happen, and where mistakes can lead someone. So just as he's about to think about it- he pulls away. Deciding that now isn't the best time to wonder about something like that, so he refocuses himself.

Though for that brief moment, he does wonder about how often the reader has gotten hurt, along with that fact that he was never there- but also never even knew about it. The possibility never crossed his mind until now, and like the awards and medals on the walls, he's only seeing the end result. The med-kit being used, empty, and possibility one of many you've gone through.

And he saw none of it. Wasn't even aware of any injuries you've had in the past or present, until he started searching for you.

Instead, he finds out through a small little kit, that was tucked away to the far end of a closet, as if trying to hide itself. It tries to pull him in with it's implications, but he pulls away before much can be done, before he can think of it anymore. Before he can realize that Alfred hasn't told him much about injuries the reader has gotten. How that could imply that the reader hid them, and took care of their injuries instead. Which would then bring on a whole new kind of worry, regret, and panic to Bruce.

The thought would eat him alive if he hadn't pulled away. He knows that much.

So generally, it's a mixed bag! The med-kit alone makes Bruce wonder about what you mentioned, along with how he wasn't told that the reader got hurt, and what that could mean.

How the reader has gotten hurt is left up to interpretation, but certain injuries they've gotten in the past from certain things will be mentioned- however! If anything happened inbetween such events, or beyond what is mentioned, is up to you! :]

Alfred has helped the reader with their injuries before, but isn't aware of every injury they've gotten. Though, that sometimes did lead to other people outside of the Manor noticing instead, which may or may not have landed the reader in the hospital sometimes. Which also may or may not mean that the reader has a record of some injuries they've had in the past.

Though, yeah! The med-kit was implying that the reader has indeed gotten hurt before and such. :]

I hope this answered your question!

[elirastudio]

I love your art style so much. 😅

Do you have any tips for coloring/shading or just tips to draw bodies (I can't do any without them being weird) ??

Have a nice day, :)

I’m glad sweetie

And of course I can give some tip I use!

I have to say I have many ways of shading and lighting so I will share my usual and then add some new one I have been experimenting

First: don’t do shadow on multiply ,that’s for later, shadows and lights are made on a mask layer and they are not just the darker shade of the colors, but a different color entirely

Same with lighting.

Some colors are easier than others for me tbh, like I love shading red and purple but blue not that much.

I also usually put blue everywhere cuz it looks pretty but it’s on me honestly

(Obviously I decrease the opacity of some layers, there is not really a rule, I just go as I like)

If it’s a style choice I also do shadow in light blue multiply, but just if I am in a rush or working with flat colors

Second: choose how you want to smooth your shading and light.

Over the years I picked up my own way to do it but lately I have been a little experimenting.

Anyway i always start of with defining shadows then get to smoothing, it’s tempting but I don’t advise the use of the airbrush, just use it for lighting maybe.

( I want to be clear. This is my style, other artist may say the contrary)

I am one of those artists that clears the shadows from the inside to the most exterior part

Just how you can see here.

All the cleaning is made with a soft brush cuz it doesn’t have to be too definite.

In my latest comic tho the shooting was made the other way around with a water color brush to give this kind of 3d effect.

You essentially have to make some tests and find the one that you prefer.

Third: apply a layer of shadow in multiply to give more volume .

Usually when the work is done I add another layer of multiplied shadows that won’t be smoothed, just in the places that would cast a neat shadow, like a cape on the body, some fabric folds and some body shadows.

It really make things pop.

Four: don’t exaggerate, simpler is better, in both shadows and lighting, experiment , find your way but don’t rush , there is no need to exaggerate

Five: the subject of your drawing should be affected by the atmosphere.

For example if it’s night you can put a blue multiply layer over and erase where the soft light is, or don’t be afraid of adding some gradients of light is it’s a bright day outside, make the character be a part of the backgrounds

Six: you can color your lineart, it make the drawing very fine

That’s it mostly, I mostly go on the flow and I always test and try new stuff and you should try too to find you preferred way to do this stuff.

I want to say again that THIS is MY WAY of doing stuff, you can totally disagree and have your own way, I hope this way useful

[thenadnerb02]

Inside Out Emotions Theory

I just spent some time at Disneyland, and after riding the Emotional Whirlwind I started thinking about Inside Out and its upcoming sequel.

For anyone who doesn’t know, Inside Out 2 will involve Riley suddenly gaining new emotions now that she’s a teenager: Anxiety, Embarrassment, Envy, and Ennui.

Now, I know I’m not the first one to point this out, but these new emotions don’t exactly sound like they’d be fully distinct from the main 5, do they?

Let’s start by looking at the dictionary definitions of these new emotions:

There's some overlap, isn't there?

The way I see it:

Envy involves Anger and Disgust

Fear is inextricably baked into Embarrassment

Anxiety has shades of Fear, Sadness, and (from my personal experience) a little bit of Disgust in a self-deprecating way

Ennui may involve Sadness as well as Disgust at life, but it’s a bit different than the other three (I’ll get to that later)

Anyway, I think I may have mentally stumbled upon what could potentially be the big reveal of Inside Out 2 – the five main emotions directly, albeit unknowingly, influence the actions of the four new ones.

We can even see this demonstrated in the teaser! All five of them are freaked out, so naturally Anxiety is running at peak performance. At a different time, she might not be as anxiety-ridden as she is here.

Therefore, these new emotions have all previously existed on some level, they’re just physically manifesting for the first time.

Embarrassment is the most prominent one — that’s experienced by people of all ages and Riley is no exception. It’s explicitly shown when she interacts with her parents…

Additionally, the emotions react to her introducing herself in school as if it’s an embarrassing moment, and Fear’s tiny outburst beforehand really seems like an anxiety attack.

Riley definitely shows envy when Meg tells her she’s been replaced on the hockey team back in Minnesota, with the exact combo I mentioned earlier (Anger & Disgust) contributing to that reaction.

And as for ennui, that honestly just became her default state when Joy, Sadness, the core memories were gone.

Really, the multicolored memories were just the first step toward these multifaceted emotions manifesting. And who’s to say these four will be the only ones? Joy and Sadness could theoretically combine into Ambivalence, or Anger and Fear into Stress, etc.

And for a movie that already raises in-universe questions on whether or not free will fully exists, it would add a whole new layer of existential dread if some of the emotions themselves aren't fully in control of themselves either.

(Is now a good time to mention how the emotions themselves experience emotions too? Joy’s utter despair in the Memory Dump is the most blatant example but there are some other, more subtle ones, like Fear displaying disgust while on Dream Duty.

But honestly, digging into the emotions’ emotions is opening up a can of worms I’m not ready for right now, so I’ll just end that "train of thought" here.)

Of course, I could be completely wrong about all of this, and after June 14 this post will look like Charlie Kelly came up with it.

But regardless of whether I’m right or not, one thing I can guarantee is that this influx of negative(ish) emotions will single Joy out from the rest even more…

At least until Riley gets a few years older and Joy finds herself influencing a new emotion…

(Please share this post and comment on it. I really wanna know what everyone thinks!)

Continued Here

[carinazvoid]

Carina Deluca x reader

Just plain fluff

Carina DeLuca had a way of making even the most ordinary moments feel extraordinary. It wasn't just her Italian charm or her impeccable sense of style; it was the way she made you feel seen, valued, and understood. Today was no different. You were sitting together on a blanket spread out on the grass in a secluded corner of the park, the afternoon sun casting a warm glow over everything.

"I love this spot," Carina said, lying back and looking up at the canopy of leaves above. "It feels like we're hidden away from the rest of the world."

You smiled, adjusting your position to get more comfortable beside her. "Yeah, it's perfect. Just you and me."

She turned her head to look at you, her dark eyes softening as they met yours. "Exactly how I like it."

Moments like these were your favorite. Quiet, simple, and filled with the kind of intimacy that only came from truly knowing and trusting each other. You reached over and laced your fingers with hers, feeling the warmth of her skin against yours. It was a small gesture, but one that held so much meaning.

"So," she began, a playful smile tugging at her lips, "what do you want to do today? We have the whole day to ourselves."

You shrugged, content just to be in her presence. "Honestly? I'm happy just being here with you. Maybe we can get some ice cream later?"

Her eyes lit up at the mention of ice cream. "Gelato! Let's get gelato. I'll make sure you get the real Italian experience."

You laughed, knowing how passionate she was about her heritage. "Deal. But only if you teach me a few more Italian words while we eat."

She sat up, her excitement palpable. "Oh, you have no idea what you've just signed up for. By the end of the day, you'll be speaking fluent Italian."

You raised an eyebrow, amused by her enthusiasm. "Is that a challenge?"

"Absolutely," she replied, leaning in closer. "And I never back down from a challenge."

Her lips brushed against yours in a soft kiss, the kind that left you craving more but also perfectly content in the moment. When she pulled back, her eyes sparkled with mischief. "Ti amo," she whispered.

"I love you too," you replied, feeling a rush of warmth spread through you.

The afternoon passed in a blissful blur. You talked about everything and nothing, sharing stories, dreams, and secrets under the shade of the trees. At one point, Carina pulled out a small notebook from her bag and started sketching the view, her brow furrowed in concentration as she captured the essence of the scene.

"You never told me you could draw," you said, watching her in admiration.

She looked up, a hint of shyness in her expression. "It's just a hobby. Something I do to relax."

"Well, you're really good at it," you said, genuinely impressed. "Can I see?"

She handed you the notebook, and you marveled at the intricate details she had managed to capture. "Wow, this is beautiful. You have such a talent."

"Grazie," she said softly, a blush creeping up her cheeks. "I'm glad you like it."

As the sun began to dip lower in the sky, casting long shadows across the grass, you decided it was time for gelato. Carina led the way to a little Italian café she had discovered, tucked away in a side street. The place was charming, with colorful decorations and the rich aroma of freshly made pastries wafting through the air.

"Buonasera, Carina!" the owner greeted her warmly. "E chi è questa bella ragazza?"

Carina beamed, introducing you in rapid Italian. You could pick out a few words here and there, enough to understand that she was telling him how special you were to her.

The owner, a jovial man with a thick accent, smiled at you. "Ah, molto bene! Welcome, welcome. You must try our gelato. It's the best in the city."

Carina insisted on picking the flavors for both of you, and soon you were sitting outside the café with a generous portion of gelato in front of you. She watched with anticipation as you took your first bite, waiting for your reaction.

"Oh my god," you said, your eyes widening in delight. "This is amazing."

She laughed, clearly pleased. "Told you. Nothing beats real Italian gelato."

You spent the rest of the evening strolling through the city, hand in hand, exploring little shops and enjoying the warm, summer air. Carina took you to all her favorite spots, sharing bits of history and culture with each place you visited. It was like seeing the city through her eyes, and it made everything feel new and exciting.

By the time you returned to your apartment, it was late, but neither of you felt tired. You curled up on the couch together, wrapped in a cozy blanket, and talked about your plans for the future. Carina's head rested on your shoulder, and you could feel the steady rise and fall of her breathing.

"Do you ever think about what it would be like to live in Italy?" she asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

"Sometimes," you admitted. "Especially when you talk about it. It sounds like a dream."

She looked up at you, her eyes filled with hope. "Maybe one day we can make that dream a reality."

You kissed her forehead, feeling a sense of peace settle over you. "I'd like that. As long as I'm with you."

Carina smiled, snuggling closer. "I feel the same way."

As you sat there, wrapped up in each other, you realized that it didn't matter where you were or what you were doing. As long as you had Carina by your side, every moment was special. She was your home, your safe haven, and your greatest adventure all rolled into one.

And that was more than enough.

The night grew darker, and eventually, you both drifted off to sleep, still wrapped in each other's arms. The world outside continued on, but in that moment, all that mattered was the love you shared and the promise of many more beautiful days to come.

[helikesyou]

Daylight (Buck/Eddie +s7)

(based on the “you deserve to be kissed often, by someone who knows what they’re doing” prompt)

or, After Buck and Tommy break up, Buck suggests an experiment. Eddie thinks he's a rebound, and clown-to-clown communication ensues.

[read on ao3]

“So, you broke up because…?”

Eddie was trying to go easy on Buck, but he’d been wondering all night, and the four drinks they’d both had didn't seem to make Buck’s tongue any looser. Considering his best friend had shown up at his door with a six-pack, a weak smile, and said he was ready to talk about it, he hadn’t done a lot of talking about it.

Eddie had asked, Buck had shrugged it off and asked if Christopher was home, Eddie had said no, and Buck had planted himself on the couch.

He came, as Christopher would say, “dressed for a slumber party,” in old gray sweats and a worn black t-shirt. Eddie had changed out of his uniform, into black sweats and the gray tee he wore to bed, and settled in for a long night. Four drinks later, sinking increasingly deeper into the couch, Buck had yet to mention Tommy. He figured maybe Buck was waiting for him to ask about it. So he did.

Buck absently rolled the beer bottle between his palms, looking down at it. “I…I’m not sure what happened, to be honest. We got into this argument which I’m not even sure was about us in the first place, and––"

“What do you mean ‘not about us in the first place?’”

“Well, he’d been acting kind of strange since last week––distant, you know––and when I brought it up last night he said he wasn’t so sure about us anymore. I asked what he meant, and he said he’s felt like I’ve had one foot out the door since the beginning.” Once Buck started talking, he couldn’t seem to stop. “I didn’t know what the hell that meant. And it started this whole thing. He was nice about it, calm, but it sounded like he had his mind already made up.”

“And you didn’t…I don’t know…fight for it?” Eddie knew he was treading dangerous ground, and he shrugged when Buck met his gaze. He rephrased. “What’d you say to him, Evan?”

Buck’s lips twitched. He used to hate it when people called him Evan, hearing in it an echo of his parents' disapproval, but the fondness in Eddie’s voice had changed that. Still, he didn't use it often; every time he did, it sparked something warm and embarrassingly soft behind Buck's ribcage. For a moment, Buck met Eddie’s gaze straight on, studying the shades of bronze and copper and gold his eyes became in the setting sun slanting in through the window. Then he sighed, looking down at his hands again.

“I didn’t know what to say. Honestly, I couldn’t argue too hard against it, because I have been distant lately. I––" Buck closed his eyes briefly, taking a breath before continuing, "I just keep remembering how exciting it was, how freeing, at the beginning. And I think I was so caught up in that that I didn't notice when we stopped...making sense together. I don’t know what changed, or when, but...something did.” Something bitter lodged in Buck’s chest at the admission. He knew it was him—something in him—that always seemed to ruin things before they started.

Eddie hummed, considering his response. It was one of Buck's favorite things about Eddie: how he carefully considered his words, turning them over in his head before he spoke. He watched as Eddie peeled back the sticker on his beer, then restuck it. “Could you––I’m not saying this is it, I’m just putting it out there––be second guessing the dating-a-guy part? Because it’s so new?” For some reason, Eddie felt exposed as Buck watched him; relief washed through him when Buck laughed softly. He hadn’t been sure how he would respond. 

"No, that part––that part always felt right. I think…maybe because of that, I wanted to think that we had more in common than we actually did. The physical part was…” He looked at Eddie, a rakish glint in his eye and a slow smile spreading across his face. “I’m sure you don’t want details, but,” he blew out a breath, letting his head fall back against the couch and tilting his face towards Eddie, “man, it was incredible.”

There was something in Buck’s slightly dazed, flushed expression that made Eddie straighten and look away. He shifted, reaching over to pat Buck’s leg. “Yeah, you rarely had trouble with that.” Buck swatted at Eddie with the back of his hand in response, grinning as he leaned forward to set his empty bottle on the coffee table.

“Hey, judgy. ‘Intimacy is a significant part of a healthy relationship’, remember?”

“Don’t quote your therapist at me. And I was married, you idiot. Of course I know that.”

“I’m just saying…I like kissing.” Buck grinned at Eddie. “And I’m good at it.”

Eddie rolled his eyes, drinking the last of his beer before grabbing the empty bottles from the counter. “Sure, Buck.”

He walked to the kitchen, so he didn’t see Buck’s eyes widen in indignation, but he smiled when he heard it in his voice. Buck had twisted around on the couch. “Whoa, whoa, wait up. You don’t believe me? I have years worth of evidence from women—and now even men—” Buck smacked the couch to emphasize his point, “to back that up.”

Eddie shook his head, smiling, and flipped the faucet on to rinse out the bottles. “Okay, man.” He set them in the sink to dry and snagged the dish towel, turning to face Buck. He leaned back against the oven, drying his hands and watching in amusement as Buck became more adamant. Sometimes Eddie felt like a kid on a playground, poking at Buck just to see what he'd do. 

"No, no, no, don’t ’okay, man’ me.” Eddie bit back a grin at Buck’s accusing tone.

“You know that you look like a stunned fish right now?” He dropped the dish towel on the counter and returned to the couch, tapping a finger underneath Buck’s chin to close his mouth. Buck turned to fully face him, pulling a leg up onto the cushion. His sweats were worn, slightly faded in the knees. A wave of fondness warmed Eddie’s chest; Buck never wore them outside the house.

“Nope. We’re not letting this one go—we’re settling it.” There was a glint in Buck’s eyes that often preceded some bad idea that Eddie would egg on—usually, the consequences were limited to a headache the next day.

Now, he wasn’t so sure.

Eddie closed his eyes briefly and let his head fall back against the couch, exasperated. “And how on Earth would we do that?”

Buck clapped his hands. “Easy. I’m going to show you.”

Eddie choked, suddenly glad he wasn’t drinking anything. He jerked up to face Buck on the couch.

“What?”

Buck’s smile didn’t falter. If anything, it widened. “Yes. You’re straight, right?” Eddie sputtered, and Buck cut him off, barreling forward into his point. “No...secret feelings you’re holding for me?”

“Shut up, Buckley.” Eddie laughed, shoving at him. Despite himself, he knew his face was red; he could feel the heat as it climbed up his neck.

Buck sat forward, feeling like Buck 1.0 was taking the wheel and letting him, loosening up. “No, hear me out. If both of those things are true, you should be completely impartial. You have no ulterior motive to tell me I’m good…” Buck spread his hands. “If I’m not.”

Eddie smacked Buck’s hands back into his lap, ignoring the flare of heat under his skin. “I believe you’re a good kisser, you smug bastard. Your track record tells me that much. I just don’t believe you’re as good as you think you are.”

Buck knew that the drinks they’d had weren't helping his conviction, but there was a momentum in his blood that he couldn’t quiet. One that drowned out the voice in the back of his head saying bad idea. Bad idea. Bad idea. “Fine. Then, I kiss you. If you feel anything, anything at all, then it’s proof that I’m just as good as I think I am.”

Eddie pointed a finger at Buck, just for something to do with his hands. There was a nervous energy underneath his skin—an off-kilter feeling he experienced on calls sometimes. “I’m tempted to take you on.”

Buck’s grin only widened. Eddie laughed, then sobered slightly. He narrowed his eyes. “Why are we really doing this, Buck?”

Buck shrugged. “Because I like to win, and you like to win, and now I feel like I have something to prove.” Surprisingly, there was a defensive edge buried in his playful tone. Eddie felt it lodge between his ribs. He wasn’t sure when his heart had started racing.

Buck knew he was being ridiculous, and no part of him expected Eddie to agree, so he wasn’t sure why he was pushing so hard. Maybe it was remembering the rush of kissing Tommy for the first time. Maybe it was curiosity. How would it feel to kiss someone he’d known for years, someone he knew as well as he knew himself?

They were teetering on the edge of a dangerous precipice, and the part of Buck that propelled him into burning buildings wanted to rush headlong over it.

Still, his stomach dropped when Eddie said: “You know what? Fine.”

Buck drew back in surprise. “Wait––what?”

Now Eddie had that dangerous look in his eyes; the same one he had before they’d broken down the hotel room door at Chim's bachelor party. He seemed to be savoring Buck’s shock, gaze flicking across his face, the corners of his lips lifting. “Yeah. Let’s do it. But the bet goes both ways, and loser buys dinner.” Eddie sounded far more decisive than he felt. He bounced his knee, the only outward sign of the restless energy running through him.

Buck laughed, a slight rasp to it. “But I am attracted to men.” There was a shift in the way Buck was looking at Eddie now, a heavy-lidded, thinly veiled desire that made Eddie's mouth go dry. He'd never seen this side of Buck.

“But you’re not attracted to me, right?” Eddie fired back. “So the same rules can apply.”

There was a beat of charged silence. Buck swallowed hard; Eddie’s gaze flicked down to follow the movement, then back up. Buck fisted his hands. “Mmhm. Ground rules?”

Eddie shook his head slowly, his teeth snagging the edge of his bottom lip, and the sight dropped Buck, fast, into the familiar and exhilarating rush of anticipation. Warmth pooled in the pit of his stomach as he lowered his gaze, heavy, to Eddie’s mouth; studying the way his white teeth held back the delicate bow-shape of his bottom lip. He suddenly wanted to run his thumb over it. 

“You sure you want to do this?” Buck muttered, voice rough. Eddie’s lip slid from his teeth when he grinned.

“This is what you do every time, isn’t it?”

“Hm?” Buck asked distractedly, gaze still fixed on Eddie’s mouth, and Eddie huffed out a soft laugh. The room suddenly felt too small, too hot. There was a tingling in his hands.

“You do have a lot of practice at this, you dog.” Buck’s lips twitched, but he didn’t respond. Instead, he slowly raised his hands to rest on Eddie’s shoulders, thumb drawing over Eddie’s collarbone. Buck's fingers were trembling; it made Eddie's bones ache. “This alright?” Buck’s voice was quiet, reverent. 

Eddie’s voice was caught in his throat, so he simply nodded. He’d leaned forward without realizing it, and allowed his head to fall the rest of the way until their foreheads touched. In response, Buck drew his hands up, around the sides of Eddie’s neck and into his hair, nails scraping gently at the base of his skull. A tremor ran through Eddie: down his spine and across his shoulders. Buck felt it under his hands, and smiled.

“You’re not playing fair,” Eddie said lowly, pushing his forehead briefly, teasingly, harder into Buck’s. “You know I can’t help that.”

Buck tilted his chin up until their lips were a breadth from touching. His voice was husky when he whispered: “I never play fair.”

Eddie’s chest expanded in a quick breath before he surged forward, grabbing a fistful of Buck’s shirt to drag him into the kiss. Buck gasped against his lips; Eddie’s mouth was hot and blissfully soft. For a moment, Buck’s mind short circuited. His hands slid from Eddie’s neck, falling limply into his lap while his brain caught up with his body. His friend—his best friend—was kissing him…

And it was going to ruin him.

He knew that as surely as he knew that things had shifted between them on a seismic scale.

And if that was true, he’d be damned if he wasn’t going to make it worth something.

So when Eddie released Buck’s shirt to slide his hands up his chest, when he grasped the back of his neck to deepen the kiss, Buck groaned and grabbed Eddie’s hips to pull him in closer. His thumbs slid along, then under, the hem of Eddie’s t-shirt, and Eddie drew in sharp breath as a bolt of desire shot down his spine.

Buck broke the kiss to nudge Eddie’s head to the side, and Eddie made a weak sound of protest until he felt Buck’s lips trailing across his jaw and down the column of his throat. Buck focused his attention on the spot underneath Eddie’s jaw that they’d joked about being his weakness with girls, and Eddie’s hand tightened in Buck’s hair.

“Fuck, Evan.” The words were a gasp––it made Buck crazy. Crazy enough to grab Eddie by the jaw and drag their mouths back together. Crazy enough to fan the flames of the irrepressible heat underneath his skin; to move impossibly closer, to––

Eddie suddenly, almost violently, yanked himself out of the kiss. Buck’s head spun; his weight carried him forward and he fell into the space on the couch that Eddie had vacated. Disorientingly fast, Eddie was up and out, hands pushing through his hair as he walked away. There was a stunned beat of silence; no sound in the room other than their labored breathing.

When Eddie spoke, his voice was strangled. “Buck. We can’t do this. I can’t––I can’t do this.”

Buck didn’t have time to gather a coherent sentence, his head still wrapped in the fog of Eddie’s mouth on his, before Eddie was gone, slamming his bedroom door behind him with enough force to rattle the picture frames on the wall.

Reality came crashing back in; Buck’s blood went cold.

“Eddie!––Eddie, wait––” Buck shook the clouds from his mind and rose, a little unsteadily, to his feet, rushing over to pound on Eddie’s door as the sickening weight of consequence settled in.

Abruptly, the fight drained out of him; he let his head fall against the door with a soft thump. “Eddie, please,” Buck didn’t even try to mask the pleading in his voice. “I’m sorry. I don’t––I don’t know what I was thinking. Come out and we can talk about it, or––or not talk about it.” He pressed a fist to the door hard enough for the ridges to dig into his skin. He waited, heart in his throat. “It doesn’t have to mean anything if you don’t want it to.”

Silence. A beat of stillness from the other side of the door.

Then: “Go home, Buck. I don’t want––,” there was a brief silence, “I can’t have you here right now.”

Something in Buck’s chest cracked open at the finality in the words. His knees threatened to buckle underneath him.

Some sickened, reckless part of him wanted to beg. Wanted to knock the door down.

Wanted to do anything to reverse the ruin of the most significant relationship in his life.

Instead, he dragged in a deep breath. He rasped “Okay.”

He pushed himself away from Eddie’s door.

Buck grabbed his keys from the counter with shaking hands and stumbled blindly to the front door, the world a haze around him. He’d been drunk often enough to know these weren’t the effects of alcohol: this was the dizzying aftershock of adrenaline.

The call gone wrong. The catastrophe that could have been avoided.

The pressure on his chest wasn’t intoxication—it was grief.

Buck didn’t sleep that night. He tossed, turned, and texted Eddie—his messages became increasingly pathetic as his agitation compounded his sleeplessness. Eventually, he tossed his phone onto the chair across the room to keep himself from checking it every two minutes. Eddie wasn’t going to text him back. He dreaded going into work. 

The next morning, Buck and Eddie managed to avoid each other completely…for about five minutes.

Eddie’s stomach dropped when Buck walked into the locker room. Of course, of course, Chimney had just left, the rest of the 118 already in the kitchen for breakfast.

Buck seemed to have the same reaction, his eyes closing briefly as he paused in the doorway. He sighed, walking to his locker and pointedly not looking at Eddie. Eddie spun his combination in, missing the right number twice. Anger made his chest tight.

After a few seconds of tense silence, Buck shut his own locker and leaned a shoulder against it, turning to face Eddie. His arms were crossed protectively over his chest. “Eddie. We have to talk about this,” he said.

“Do we?” Eddie bit out, jaw tight. He clipped his belt, still not looking at Buck.

“I was there too,” Buck said with a weak smile, trying at levity. “There’s no way the kiss was that bad.”

It was meant to lighten the situation; in the past, it would have worked. Eddie would have scoffed, then smiled, and they would have moved past it.

Now, it just pissed him off.

Eddie slammed his locker door and turned to face him. His voice came out sharp. “Buck, I didn’t leave because the kiss was bad.” He looked directly at Buck for the first time. “I left because it was really, really good.”

Buck rocked back a little in shock, his lips parting slightly. He stilled, eyes wide. “Oh.” His voice was barely a whisper.

“Yeah, ‘oh.’” Eddie started to turn away, but Buck grabbed his arm.

“Wait. Why are you so mad, then?”

Eddie yanked his arm out of Buck’s grasp, voice rigid. “Why do you think, Evan? You just broke up with Tommy—”

Buck’s eyes widened in indignation, and he started to cut Eddie off when the call bell rang, startling them both.

Hen jogged past, looking at them curiously, and it pulled Eddie back down to earth. “Saved by the bell,” he said, and left Buck in the locker room, not looking back as he let the door slam shut behind him.

It was a day of constant calls.

Buck and Eddie were professionals—as they always did, they locked their personal issues away to focus on the people who needed their help. But little things slipped through—the two of them had always worked in an effortless tandem, moving around each other and communicating wordlessly what they needed.

Today, their flow was off.

When they moved through a crawlspace to rescue a trapped child, Buck dropped the flashlight that Eddie tried to hand him. When they wheeled out a heart attack victim, Buck had to repeat himself twice when he read Eddie the blood pressure reading.

The other members of the 118 noticed. Hen raised an eyebrow at Buck when he and Eddie bumped into each other climbing into the firetruck. Chimney and Bobby exchanged a confused look when Eddie called for Chimney to help him with a stuck window, though Buck was standing right there.

In a lull between emergencies, en route to the next call, Hen leaned over to Buck and muttered: “You two okay?” Buck just shook his head tightly, gaze fixed out the window. “Trouble in paradise, hm.” She said, sitting back and patting Buck’s leg reassuringly. “You’ll figure it out.”

Buck wasn’t so sure.

It was the end of the shift before they were alone again. It was the early hours of the morning, dark, and everyone was packing up to head home; only Bobby, Eddie, and Buck remained in the locker room. Despite Buck’s pleading look for Bobby to stay, Bobby grabbed his bag and left, with a pointed look at Buck that said “sort it out.”

Buck sighed, tossing his bag onto the bench and walking over to Eddie. He stepped in front of Eddie’s open locker, shutting it, and Eddie stepped back, rolling his eyes.

“Get out of my way, Buck.” Eddie sounded weary.

“I will. When you talk to me.” Buck knew there was a raw, desperate edge to his voice, but he couldn’t mask it. It softened Eddie slightly—he sighed.

“All this,” Eddie waved a hand between them, “after all these years…and now I’m… I don’t know…” He tried again, frustrated. “I didn’t even know I was into guys and then you come along and— ” he dragged a hand down his face, “And mess with my head.” Eddie rubbed his jaw, a bitter twist to his grin. “And for what, right? For you to forget about your breakup for five seconds?”

Realization crossed Buck’s face, closely tailed by a flash of anger. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up.”

Buck’s face flushed. His voice was sharper than Eddie had ever heard it. He dropped his volume, though no one else was in the room. “You think I was just fucking around? That you’re some kind of rebound?”

Eddie was struck silent by the vehemence—the hurt—in Buck’s voice. He blinked. “What else am I supposed to think, Buck?”

Buck barked out a bitter laugh. “Jesus—give me more credit than that. You really think that poorly of me, that I would risk ruining our friendship for some meaningless kiss?”

“But…Tommy—”

“And why do you think he broke up with me?” Eddie stilled, brow furrowing at the drastic shift in conversation.

“What?”

Buck’s voice was low. “Why do you think he said that I had one foot out the door the whole time?” He tilted his head and gave Eddie a meaningful look, waiting. After a beat of silence, Eddie’s face cleared in realization, then disbelief.

“Oh.” He breathed.

“Yeah, ‘oh.’” Now Buck couldn’t meet his eyes.

Eddie felt as if the ground had shifted underneath him. “Why—why didn’t you—”

“Tell you? Because I didn’t want to fuck everything up. I didn’t want this,” he waved a hand between them, “to happen.”

Eddie’s heart pressed against his ribcage. He couldn’t seem to draw enough air into his lungs. “How long?” He managed.

Buck scoffed. “That I knew, and acknowledged it? Probably since you started hanging out with Tommy and I had to face this crazy jealousy—I guess not for him, in hindsight.” Buck took a deep breath, rubbing the back of his neck. “Misplaced that energy, I guess.” He tugged nervously on a stray thread on the sleeve of his shirt—anything to keep from looking at Eddie. He couldn’t bear to see pity in his friend’s expression. “How long did I know, and not acknowledge it?” Buck was silent for a long moment. “Probably since my leg injury, when you came over to tell me to stop feeling sorry for myself.” He let out a huff of laughter, looking down at his hands. “And you let me watch Chris, and I saw so much of you in that kid during the tsunami.” Eddie made a soft sound, but Buck still couldn’t look at him. His throat ached. “Both of you have made me a better man.”

“That’s…Buck...” Eddie’s voice was rough.

“Yeah.” Buck’s voice gained strength even as it strained with emotion. “So. Be angry if you need to be. I’m sorry if I messed everything up. But don’t you—don’t you dare claim that the kiss meant nothing to me. It meant—” Buck couldn’t catch his breath. He swallowed hard, and said, “you mean—you’re…Eddie, you’re everything.”

And almost before he could finish his sentence, Eddie was kissing him.

Buck made a soft sound of surprise as Eddie walked him back against the lockers, pressing him firmly against the cold metal, his mouth hot and insistent. Like before, it took a second for his body to catch up with his head—Buck’s hands twitched at his sides before coming up to grasp Eddie’s waist, fisting in the starched fabric of his uniform. Eddie’s hands cupped Buck’s jaw, fingers behind his ears. He pulled back, just a little, and Buck chased, recapturing his lips as Eddie smiled against his. Buck couldn’t help smiling as well, and it broke them off softly, though they still held to each other.

Buck’s gaze was soft, shining like sea glass. Eddie’s lips remained slightly parted.

“So,” Buck drew in a soft breath, “we’re good?”

Eddie let out a real laugh, a smile spreading across his face. He ran a thumb across Buck’s cheekbone. “Yeah. I’d say so.”

“Oh, thank God.” Buck dropped his head to Eddie’s shoulder in relief and Eddie’s arms shifted to come up around him. He rubbed a hand between Buck’s shoulder blades, feeling him shaking. Eddie remembered another time, Buck holding him like this, when Buck broke down Eddie’s door to find a destroyed room and Eddie on the floor with a splintered baseball bat. He’d held him together, and waited for the waves to subside. He’d pressed Eddie’s hands, underneath his own, to his chest and told him to breathe with him. Eddie had, until the slow rise and fall of his friend’s chest settled his own. It was a kind of touch that he’d never had with anyone else, a collapsing into vulnerability that he’d never allowed himself, not even with Shannon.

“I’ve got you,” he whispered into Buck’s hair. “I’m not going anywhere now.”

[adrealucia]

pairing: agedup!ao’nung x y/n

warnings: mature content, first time, p in v, fingering, praising, ao’nung being a total softie and so whipped for you

word count: 5k

wanna read part one?

Truth or dare

Some time has passed, and many kisses have been shared between you and Ao'nung. Still, you guys have not discussed the status of your relationship and it drives you crazy. Are you friends? Are you, friends, that occasionally share some kisses and sometimes share a bed and cuddle or maybe you guys are officially dating at this point and you are just clueless?  

You never went past the point of kissing, maybe you have rubbed yourself on his thigh once or twice, but never more than that. It is not that you don't want to do more, because every time Kiri tells you about her little "experiences" she has made with Rotxo by now, you are craving the feeling of sharing these experiences with Ao'nung as well. You actually tried to go a little further by now, but something always comes between the two of you. 

Sometimes you wonder if it is your fault, that you guys haven't done anything too sexual yet, and some days you wonder if it is because Ao'nung does not want to sleep with you. You are shy and would like him to make the first step, but he never does it, and when you try to get up on his lap, kiss down his neck, moving your hips a little bit back and forth, he always finds a way to stop what you are doing and brings everything back to an innocent mood. 

"You think it is because he doesn't like me?" the question leaves your mouth, followed by a little cry. Kiri looks at you as if she was about to just slap you across the face. "No dumbass, you are innocent and he is not. I bet he just doesn't want to ruin you in that way." 

"Ruin me? why would ruin me? It's normal..."

"Mh... maybe he wants to bond first?" Your best friend tries to think of possible reasons why he wouldn't want to sleep with you. But honestly, she couldn't think of another reason. "He has slept with other women before and as far as I know he is not mated with any of these!"

"Maybe he is though!" Jokingly she started to open her eyes in disbelief and held her hand to her mouth in shock. You rolled your eyes at her and lightly slapped her shoulder. "I am being serious... What am I supposed to do?" you sigh, throwing your head back, and staring at the sky. "Talk to him... honestly, just straight up ask him why he doesn't want to have sex with you." 

Alone the thought of talking to him about sex makes your face turn a darker shade. "I don't know, maybe I am not ready for it anyways..." Kiri looks at you, one eyebrow lifted and a judging expression covering her face. "If you wouldn't be ready, you wouldn't be worrying about it so much."

Maybe she is right, but you weren't sure about it. 

Later that day you were still struggling with the thought of just talking to him about it. But otherwise, you might never find out the reason why he does not want to touch you like that. So you made up a little plan. 

"Kiri, Rotxo and I are gonna meet up in my Marui later, you want to come as well? We want to play truth or dare." 

"Yeah sure, why not." 

Kiri helped you with figuring out the plan, even though that made you feel a little bit embarrassed. But your friend swore to you she wouldn't judge and neither would her "boyfriend". You hated this word, why did it seem so easy for everyone else around you? It feels like you are the only one that has a hard time with the whole relationship thing. 

"Is he coming or not?" Kiri complains and rests her fragile against Rotxos, they were cute, that's something you had to admit to yourself. "He said he would." you shrug your shoulders, actually you kind of hope he wouldn't show up, so you wouldn't have to embarrass yourself like that. "Why don't we already start playing?" Rotxo gives you an uplifting smile and places the knife from the very first night on the ground. You and your best friend exchange a quick glance and then nod to agree with his idea. 

"I want to start this time!" Kiri grabs the knife and spins it, without anyone having the chance to complain. Not like you would have complained in the first place. You were way too nervous to actually speak up right now. The sharp end of the knife pointed toward her boyfriend and with a grin on her lips, she turned to him. "Truth or dare, baby?"

"Truth"

For a moment she seemed to think about the question she was about to ask him. Repeatedly touching her lips with her finger and then smiling. "What was your very first impression of me?" 

Rotxo held back a chuckle and looked away for a second, cheeks flushing darker. "You looked interesting to me, different, but also weird... I mean that is appearance-wise. The first time I ever spoke to you, I immediately knew you are the smartest girl I ever met... and I thought your smile was really pretty too..." 

You envy these two so much. Even though Ao'nung says sweet stuff to you all the time, it's just not the same. "... you are so cute!" she says, smiling shyly and slightly pressing her body against Rotxos. He also leaned against her and now you kind of started to miss Ao'nung. "My turn!" Rotxo excitedly spins the knife and while he does so, someone enters your Marui. 

Ao'nung. 

Your eyes were so fixated on him, that you did not even acknowledge the knife pointing directly at you. He looked so pretty to you, his hair halfway up and halfway falling down his broad shoulders. "Sorry I am so late, Dad needed me..." He whispered against your ear like he only speaks to you. 

"y/n, truth or dare?"

You blinked a few times, coming back into the present moment. With confusion, you looked into Rotxos eyes and then down at the knife. "...umm dare?" Your voice was quiet because Ao'nungs presence still makes you nervous. "Why don't you give our latecomer a little welcome kiss?"

How much you hated it when Rotxo suddenly became so brave. Kiri really had no good influence on him. Your "almost boyfriend" began to chuckle, he seemed to like the idea. "yeah give the latecomer a little kiss" his deep voice gave you shivers down your spine and made your knees feel a little weak. You were still embarrassed to kiss him in front of your friends, but it was a pretty small audience so that made it easier for you. 

You slightly tilt your head, looking up into his face and he already had that smug grin covering his face. With your big doe looking eyes you focus on his lips before gently pressing yours against his. In the background, you could clearly hear Kiri punching Rotxos arm out of excitement as if she saw the two of you kissing for the very first time. One of his rather big hands gently cups your face and pulls you ever closer to him. You loved the way he kissed you, always so loving and sweet, and now that you learned a bit from him, you also don't overthink too much when kissing him. The kiss did not last very long and he pulled apart from you. For a moment you stayed close, locking eyes and smiling at each other. 

You pressed your lips together, turning away from him and trying to focus on the game again. "Okay... my turn" you spin the knife and this time it chose Kiri as its next victim. 

"Give me a dare!" she pleads, folding her hands into a prayer gesture. You have never been the most creative when it came to truth-or-dare questions. Searching for help you looked over to Ao'nung. Immediately understanding he pulls you close and whispers something into your ear. 

"I dare you to get on Rotxos lap... and whisper something... dirty into his ear." 

You stutter a little bit when saying these words out loud. Kiri quietly chuckles, nods, and gets on her boyfriend's lap. Carefully she leans closer to his ear, seductively rolling her hips one and then she whispers something into his ear, only he can hear. Immediately Rotxo starts to blush and presses his lips together, in shame. The fact, that Ao'nung has these ideas in mind and never lives them out with you makes you sad. "That was an easy one" Kiri states and turns around in his lap, making her way between his legs, gets comfortable again, and rests her back against his chest. Might have been easy for her, but the flustered expression on Rotxos face tells a whole different story. 

She moves forward a little bit, spinning the knife again, and grins evilly when the sharp end points towards Ao'nung. You know she won't go easy on the two of you, considering the plan that you had made earlier today. "Ao'nung, truth or dare?" she asks, challenging him to make a bold move. "Well, let us stick to the dares, hm?" he glances over at you, his eyes always seem so loving when he looks at you. 

"Get the little princess on your lap... and fake an orgasm, while looking right into her eyes." 

You shut your eyes close, silently cursing your best friend and opening them again with a tormented expression covering your entire face. "You are out of your mind for this one..." Ao'nung sighs, still he cannot help himself but laugh a little. 

"I can pass on this one if you'd like that?" concern sparkles in his eyes and you lightly shake your head. "let's not always skip on the fun" 

He seems to be surprised by your eagerness, but he just opens his arms and adjusts himself in his seated position. "come here, princess" the pet name makes you smile and with excitement, you crawl onto his lap. Buckling your hips a little, you balance yourself on his crotch. "'you comfortable, baby?" his hands finding their way to your hips, gently holding on to them. Right now, there is only you and him. 

The two others stayed quiet when Ao'nung slowly started to rock your hips forth and back. It is a little bit embarrassing to admit that you don't even hate the idea of others watching anymore, slightly turns you on when everyone can see that he treats you so well. "gotta get in the mood first, yeah?" your hands resting on his chest, when he analyses your face. You bite your lip when you feel his skin so close to yours, letting out a quiet sigh. 

"You two love birds take your time, we will be leaving you alone..." you hear Kiri's voice, but don't even acknowledge her words. Only when Ao'nung stops his movement, do you look at him in confusion. "...' game is already over?" he bites the inner flesh of his cheek, raising an eyebrow. "we can continue playing if you'd like that?" your eyes seem innocent, but your mind is not. 

"Okay baby, truth or dare?" 

"Truth" 

"what's going on here?" 

Feeling caught you slightly smile and look to the side. "...' wanted to be alone with you." With the power of his hands, he pulls you closer by your lower back. "Could've just asked me?" Ao'nung quietly chuckles, slowly caressing your skin with his thumb. "Truth or dare?" you ask him, more serious this time. 

"Truth" 

"Why are you not sleeping with me?" your expression is blanc, even though your cheeks are burning hot. Ao'nung is clearly surprised by that question. "it's not like I don't want to." his hands travel up and down your sides, and now he tries to avoid looking into your eyes. "that does not really answer my question..."

"I don't want to force you into anything. It wouldn't be my first time and If you would want me to be your first... I don't know, I thought that might hurt you... knowing you are not my first." 

"I know that. I thought I might not be your first, but I could be your last?" 

His gaze softened and a little shy smile appeared on his lips. Your words were honest, you meant what you said. Of course, it would have been nice to be his first as well, but knowing that he can teach you so many things gets you excited and aroused at the same time. 

"So, you have to pick dare now." 

"I know." his hips buckled up a bit and he got himself in a more comfortable position, leaning back a little and admiring you. "Tell me, princess, what's my dare?" Ao'nung's hands wandered down your waist again, stopping just right before touching your butt. 

"Touch me, here" one of your hands guided his to your right butt cheek "and here" the other hand you are placing on one of your boobs. "and this time you won't stop touching me." 

The sweet smile on his lips disappears, being replaced with an evil grin. He liked your innocent side, but you telling him what to do has a whole other effect on him. "Alright... whatever you want" the soft tone in his voice makes your tail swing side to side. 

He starts to slowly, gently knead your butt cheek, and breast. He had this desire to touch you like this for so long now and finally feeling your smooth skin under his hands makes him growl quietly. "baby, don't hold back yeah? show me what feels good to you" he pleads, leading you to giggle under his touch. 

"Is this a dare?" 

"yeah, I dare you to." 

You lean closer to him, face so close to his, feeling his breath touching your lips. He can see the lust in your eyes and you can feel a slight tingle in your gut. Your hips easily buck against his abdomen, making him frown. Now that he doesn't have to hold back anymore he is scared that he might be rushing into things, so he wants you to decide the pace. Once the strength of his grip hardens you quietly whimper, enjoying the way he is touching you in all these forbidden places. 

Your bodies move against each other at a steady pace and you start to feel hot once you can feel his bulge touching your womanhood. His eyes focus on your lips, and he leans in and presses his against yours. Earning a voiceless moan from your side, that's being absorbed from his tongue. Kissing him has become one of your favorite things. Every kiss with him feels different, better, every time your lips collide with one another it drives you crazy. 

You pull apart, giggling against his plump lips. "You wanna know a truth?" 

"Tell me"

"I love how you can show me so many things, love that you are so experienced. I want you to show me how much you can make me enjoy myself." 

He can't hold back a soft chuckle, you really surprise him every day again. "Come here...' want you closer" he immediately pulls you closer to his chest, causing him to fall on his back. His hands wander to your top, fiddling with the strings. You think it is cute that he is holding himself back so much, treating you so carefully, but you just want him to get you undressed already. "Open it." you breathe against the fold of his neck, placing little wet kisses on his skin afterward. 

He opens your top, slowly removing the piece of fabric. With one bold move, you lift yourself up, now sitting straight on his lap, looking down at him. Ao'nung takes in the sight of your perky breasts that he now sees for the very first time. "You are so beautiful..." a little gasp escaped his mouth. He spoke his truth. 

He lifts one of his hands, touching your breast, caressing it, and making you yelp under the sudden sensation that you are feeling. His body leans up again, placing a little kiss on your lips before he starts kissing a trail down to your boobs. You watch him as he does, your hands wrapped around his neck, playing with his hair. A moan leaves your lips once he presses down the first wet kiss on the sensitive skin of your boob. His other hand kneads your other breast. "...feels good, Ao'nung" you whimper, pressing yourself closer to him. 

Your hips grinding against his now really hard dick and you can't help yourself but imagine what it might look like, what it might feel like. His tongue suddenly licks over your nipple, and your body twitches from the feeling. He quietly hums against it, sending small waves of vibration to it. Your hips begin to grind harder against him and you want him so badly. 

He pulls away from you "...' want to touch me as well?" you nod quicker than you could think and slowly crawl down from his lap. You get between his legs, just looking at his crotch. You don't really know what to do next, so he grabs your hand and places it right on his fully erected bulge. "Move your hand like this, yeah?" for a moment he moves your hand with his together, stroking over his sensitive dick. Just feeling how hard he is, even though there is still fabric between your hand and him, makes your brain go foggy. 

"mhh... just like that, baby" he removes his hand, giving you full control. You move your hand just like he showed you, watching as he leans his head, licking over his lips. He has to swallow, you are making it very hard for him to hold back. You come closer to him, grabbing his face with your free hand and gently kissing him. Exchanging spit and playing with his tongue, while your hand moves under his loincloth. The sudden touch of your cold hand against his dick, makes him moan into the kiss and you could swear, this was going to be your new favorite sound. 

"Fuck y/n" he is panting, already feeling weak under your touch. You chuckle against his lips, watching as he closes his eyes, enjoying the way you are touching him. 

"I want you" this time it is you who is panting against his lips. The feeling of your loincloth, that's already a little soaked, rubbing against you makes you feel dizzy. 

Between little whimpers, Ao'nung slowly nods, because he needs you as well. Rushing himself he places a hand on your chest "lean back my pretty girl, get comfy... I am gonna prepare you now." You follow his demand, leaning back and already spreading your legs for him. A muffled growl escapes his lips, as he watches how you open your legs for him. 

The soaked spot on your loincloth doesn't go unnoticed by him and he licks his lips, as he slowly makes his way between your legs. His hands stroke over your thighs, wandering upwards to your heated core. You whine under his touch, so excited that it's finally happening. Ao'nungs fingertips gently press down on the wet stop, making you giggle in embarrassment. "you are driving me crazy, you know that?"

"Let's get rid of this, shall we?" with these words he hectically pulls on the fabric, making you cover your face out of shame. You don't worry about whether he thinks you look pretty or not, because you know he does, still it's the first time that you are sitting fully exposed in front of him. "...don't... don't hide your pretty face. Look at me"

He grabs you by the chin, pulling you into a quick and heated kiss to get rid of the embarrassment you are feeling. 

"You wanna help me?" with confusion you look at him, wondering how you can help me. But you nod, you would do everything for him, especially right now. He holds up two of his fingers, placing them on your bottom lip. You look at him and when you see the smug grin on his face you hesitantly open your mouth for him. "You are a good girl." 

While sucking on his fingers you hold intense eye contact with him, knowing you would drive him crazy and you want him crazy for you. When he pulls them out again, a small string of spit follows his fingers, making you gulp. 

"Wanna dare me to make you feel good?" 

You quietly laugh at his words, nodding as he raises an eyebrow, you know he wants to hear you say it. "...' dare you to make me feel g-good"

His wet finger hovered over your pussy, touching it ever so slightly and making you clench your jaw. You bit your lip, looking down at him watching him as he finally gives in and rubs over your folds. A sigh leaves your lips as he spreads the spit along your slit, one finger already pressing against your desperate hole. 

You moan once he pushes his index finger into you, he's looking up at you, checking in on you and making sure this is still something you want. But when he sees how much you are already enjoying yourself he gets excited for what's about to come. His finger pushed in and out of you at a steady pace, watching as you push yourself against his touch. 

He is quick to at a second finger, slowly scissoring you open for him. Meanwhile, you have to support yourself on your hands, moaning when he suddenly hit your sweet spot "... do that again" you demand, pushing, once again, closer to him. Ao'nung chuckles, trying to find the same spot again, and when you quietly moan he knows he found it again. 

The sounds you are making, cause him to leak some pre cum, and now he is the one with a slight wet stain on his loincloth. He can feel you loosen up around his fingers, ready to take more of him. "mhng... m-more" you whimper, bucking your hips up, making him hit your sweet spot once more. He adds one more, now moving three of his fingers inside and out of you. Hearing you whimper for make makes him go faster and that makes your knees feel like. This already feels so good, you don't know how much better it would get. 

"You think you're ready?" slowly pulling his fingers out of you, leaving you feeling empty and wanting more. "yeah, 'm ready" 

He swallows, knowing this is the time you guys will finally melt into one. It might not be his first time having sex, but it will be the first time he actually cares about the other person, the first time he is not just simply fucking, but rather making love. 

He removes the fabric, that's covering his already pulsing dick. For a moment you stiffen up, looking down at him, wondering how he hid all of that under the small piece of clothing all along. You gulp, unsure if it will fit, his fingers were already making you feel so full. "Intimidated?" he chuckles, pressing a kiss against your forehead. "a little..." you whisper, and it's the truth. 

"I will be very careful, I promise"

You press your lips together, you trust him and you know he would never hurt you on purpose. Trying to relax and regulate your breathing, you close your eyes for a few moments, mentally preparing yourself for what's about to happen now. Once you are ready you open your eyes again and slowly pull Ao'nung close to you. 

With his dick in one hand, he guides it between your folds, gently rubbing it against the sensitive body part of yours. You whine in an instant, already feeling a little overwhelmed. He can sense that you are a little afraid and tense, so he stops his movement and gently connects your lips to a kiss. His hand traveled down your body, kneading your breast for a few seconds and then going further down pressing his thumb onto your clit, slowly moving it in circles. 

Immediately you moan into the kiss, leaving your mouth open and unable to kiss him back. Slowly your body starts to relax under his touch and you can feel his dick sliding up and down your folds again. You are locking eyes with one another and with a little force, he pushes his tip into you. Your eyes widened in shock, not because it hurt, but because it already felt so much better than just his fingers. 

He stops again, making the waiting feel like torture, but you figure he knows it better. His lips are meeting yours again, this time more passionate and a little more heated. When he moves again and you already feel so full, you let out a loud moan. "S-Shit baby... fuck you're tight"

His fingertips lightly brushed over your nipple, taking it between his index and middle finger leading to you whimpering under his touch. Slowly, but with slight pressure, he rubs his fingers against it. He pushes himself even deeper into you and when you can finally feel his hips touching yours you figure he is all in. "Ao'nung... 'm s-so full" you mutter, brain already foggy from all the sensation. 

"I know, I know...It's fine baby, you are all right. Tell me when you think I can move again." 

You never thought you could feel so connected with someone, until this very moment. With your walls already clenching and pulsing around him, he growls, squinting his eyes close. You whine wanting his attention, wanting to kiss him again and he understands, immediately kissing you again. His tongue is playing with yours, while he slowly tries to control his breath. You push yourself closer to him, wanting to feel him even closer, wanting to feel even more of him. 

"W-want you to move..." 

With a little hiss, he gently pulls himself out of you, only leaving the tip inside, before he slides back into you again. Your heartbeat starts to rise and you wrap your legs around him, clinging onto him. "fuck..." he gasps, trying to hold himself back from fastening the pace too quickly. "feels so good" your arms holding onto his neck, face buried inside his neck. 

The overwhelming feeling doesn't stop, only gets worse when his thrusts become a little harder. Your nails dig into his back, while you try to hold onto something. Your eyes are closed, mouth wide open, drooling against his skin. Once you're totally comfortable with his length you're pleading for more "faster... faster... please" 

Now thrusting faster into you, you cannot keep quiet anymore. The feeling is too much for you to concentrate, and somehow it even feels better when you let it all out. Ao'nung already feels close to his release, but he doesn't want it to happen so soon and he would like you to cum before. So he slows down, wraps his arms under your body, and lifts you up. Switching positions you cling onto him even more, not wanting to be separated from him any time soon. 

You are now laying on top of him and he is on his back. "...' you alright baby?" the exhaustion on your face is unnoticeable, but you never felt better. "Yeah, I'm fine..." you quietly chuckle and give him a sweet smile afterward. 

When he slowly starts to move again, you're once again pressing your lips onto his, smiling in between the little breaks when you guys have to catch your breath. One of his hands makes its way down to your clit, rubbing it in circles, causing your body to tremble. "Ao'nung... I-I.." You don't know what you are feeling, unable to describe it, only knowing you are feeling close to something that's about to happen to you.

"feeling close, my princess?" 

You nod and he starts to go even faster, also moving your hips with his thrusts. "It's... too m-much.. Ao'nung I-" whatever you say gets interrupted by moans, whines, and little cries. "It's alright baby, don't hold back... let it happen.." the faster your bodies are moving against each other, the closer you get to your orgasm. His hand applies more pressure to your clit, and suddenly you are reaching your high. Thighs pressing against his body, your walls clenching around him and you are crying out loud. Your body twitches, until you eventually have to stabilize yourself by holding onto his chest. 

He still moves, but slower than before, fucking you through your orgasm. "yeah, that's it... it's all good.." he whispers, when he cups your face with his hands, placing a little peck on your lips. Unable to return the kiss, you try to calm down from your high again. You buck your hips forth and back, liking the feeling that's coming from the slight overstimulation. 

Ao'nung lazily fucks in and out of you, knowing that he is really close as well. "Baby... I n-need to pull out.. 'm cumming" a quiet whine escapes your mouth, scared of feeling empty without him. Still, you lift yourself up so that he can pull himself out of you. He gives himself a few last strokes while looking into your eyes and came all over his stomach. 

He reacts quickly, grabbing his loincloth and cleaning himself up. "Come here, wanna have you close my y/n" you give him an exhausted smile, cuddling against his chest, pressing weak kisses against his skin. 

"That was perfect..." you whisper against his chest, slowly looking up at him. He replies with a sweet smile, one of his hands gently stroking through your hair. "...yeah, it was" 

"y/n, truth?" 

"Hm?" 

"Will you be my girlfriend?" 

You playfully hit his chest, giggling "thought you would never ask!" 

✿⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ✿

authors note: y’all this took me soooo long 💀 at first I really hated it, but honestly now I kind of really like it

dedicated to my lovely @c78r

[thechaoticdruid]

MEET THE PARENTS

Okay so I've had this same Astarion x Tav idea floating around in my head for a while and I'm so surprised I legit have not seen anyone write about it! It's basically the classic meet the parents scenario! Yes I know we never see Astarion's parents and probably never will, they could be dead for all we know, but they are elves, a very long lived race so it's very possible they could actually be alive! So basically I'm gonna start a little fun writing challenge and tag three of my favorite Astarion romancers.

@spacebarbarianweird , @vixstarria , @marcynomercy

(If none of you are actually interested in this I'm so sorry 😭 I just wanted to do a thing.)

The challenge is to write up headcanons of your Tav meeting Astarion's parents and vice versa. Doesn't matter if your character's parents are dead or MIA this is strictly a what if scenario. And if you'd be so kind please tag some Astarion x Tav writers you think would be interested in this challenge!

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~

Astarion meeting Winnie's parents.

It definitely was not planned, Winnie literally had no idea her parents were even alive.

Her Gran had told her a long time ago they went missing off on an adventure after leaving their village and that they were very likely dead.

About 20 years later after their disappearance Winnie returns back to the ruins of the village she grew up in with Astarion accompanying her.

Astarion had actually insisted on venturing here in hopes of finding a lead on the drow wizard that plagued his beloved's nightmares.

The one who orchestrated the massacre of her village before kidnapping and experimenting on her.

There's nothing left but basically an unmarked graveyard. The amount of death and dark magic that seeped into the area has even brought some of the dead back from beyond the grave.

It is a horrifying turn of events for Winnie, actually seeing some of the people from her childhood roaming the land as lifeless corpses and then actually having to kill them herself this time.

Once the two of them were safe they took shelter in one of the old huts which just so happened to be Winnie's childhood home.

Astarion had to hold and comfort her as all the memories of her village's slaughter came flooding back.

At some point as they rested they noticed something watching them.

It was a wolf, with dark brown fur, eyes shining pink in the moonlight. A very peculiar shade indeed.

Peculiar but not unfamiliar as Winnie's own fuschia colored eyes stared back.

She just had to follow after the wolf and eventually it led her back to a small hut surrounded by some kind of dome-like barrier.

The wolf ended up shifting into the form of a tall muscular human woman who was none other than Winnie's long lost mother!

A short pudgy man with a lute stepped out of the hut as soon as he heard the tall woman shout. This was Winnie's Father.

Winnie was overwhelmed with all kinds of emotions with the revelation that her parents had been alive all this time!

Molly and Harry were their names.

Despite welcoming Winnie with open arms they seemed rather on the fence about Astarion.

At first glance Molly was overjoyed that her daughter had a partner so handsome and immediately began to babble on about what beautiful babies they'd make much to Winnie's dismay and embarrassment.

Harry was polite and willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He wasn't as baby-crazy as his wife.

Then came the realization that Astarion couldn't pass their magic barrier they'd created to keep out undead.

Winnie was quick to come to Astarion's defense however, but learning that your daughter's lover was a vampire would be unnerving for almost anyone.

At first Winnie's mother even asked if she was with him willingly, wanting to check and see if she was charmed. It was honestly a bit ridiculous.

Molly was checking her neck for bite marks and nearly losing her mind and screaming when she found them there.

Harry had to calm down his wife, wanting her to give the vampire spawn a chance.

Things were a bit iffy from there on our, but eventually they came to accept Winnie's undead love.

And Molly expected a dhampir baby or two within the next few years, which Winnie had to remind her frequently that she was not ready for that and might actually never be ready for it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Winnie Meeting Astarion's Parents.

This was Winnie's idea all on her own.

Despite Astarion always telling her she was the only family he needed whenever she'd bring up the subject on if he thought his family was still around or not.

Yet the curiosity, the uncertainty just ate away at her.

His past was a mystery, not only to her, but to Astarion himself.

And they were elves for gods' sake. So it was very likely that they hadn't yet succumbed to old age.

What's two centuries to an elf?

But also she wanted her beloved to have someone other than herself to feel loved unconditionally by.

The human female had no idea how long she'd be able to run from her mortality.

With help from her tressym familiar Maddie to keep Astarion occupied, Winnie returned to Baldur's Gate in search of any old records of the Ancunin family.

Using her Hero of Baldur's Gate status to her advantage Winnie is able to get access to certain private documents no normal citizen would be able to.

She finds some old records on Magistrate Ancunin which immediately brings a grin to her lips.

Astarion's parents apparently left Baldur's Gate three years after his death.

From what little else she could find they moved to Evereska, but nothing told her if they were both actually still alive or not.

Winnie had her elven friends Vesperr and Arva do some investigating since they were constantly traveling nowadays and likely may be able to find out more than the human could.

She sent them a raven detailing her intentions and findings before returning home to her beloved vampire spawn.

He was a tad upset about her sneaking off for a few days and only leaving a note in her place, but Winnie was able to smooth things over with a little blood.

About a few weeks later a letter from Vesperr came back, telling Winnie that there were some Ancunins living in an estate just outside of Evereska. A couple in fact!

The human female could hardly contain her excitement, but she had to keep calm, especially when Astarion became curious about the letter she received.

He actually chased her around their home demanding to read it but Winnie wouldn't let him.

Soon after Winnie proposed that the two would go on a trip. A romantic getaway as she put it.

That was the cover she made up for going to meet his parents.

Luckily at this point the two had been able to locate the ring of the sunwalker so Astarion's days of running from the sun were a thing of the past.

The set off by carriage, taking Winnie's faithful tressym along with them.

Eventually at some point on the road Astarion ended up finding the letter from Vesperr Winnie had tucked away in her pack.

"A romantic getaway hm?"

The druid just smiled at her partner with a nervous chuckle.

Of course she apologized for lying and keeping secrets and said that she only wanted to make Astarion happy.

He forgave her and decided just to go and meet these people since the two of them had come too far to turn back now.

Astarion was getting more nervous the closer they got.

Perhaps this wasn't a good idea? What if they tried to stake him after what he's become?

Winnie would place her hand over his to comfort him after she noticed his stressed mood.

Winnie's tressym Maddie would also curl up in his lap and purr like a good little emotional support kitty.

Finally they would arrive at the estate where Astarion's apparent relatives were living.

They walked in, hand in hand before promptly being approached by who they assumed were the estate's security.

Winnie was quick to introduce Astarion, hoping to avoid any sort of confrontation.

Astarion's name had immediately made the guards freeze in place before then demanding he come with them inside.

They legit told Winnie she had to wait outside which Astarion was having none of.

If his lover was not allowed in then he would be leaving immediately.

The unfamiliar two elves muttered to each other in elvish as Winnie just watched in confusion. Every word coming out of their mouths sound like pure jibberish to the human female.

She then heard Astarion snarl back at them in elvish.

Winnie had a feeling they might have been talking about her due to her partner's very offended and frankly pissed off sounding tone.

The elven guards eventually agreed to let them both enter together.

Winnie was amazed by all the extravagant decor, almost getting distracted several times and having to be pulled along by Astarion who kept an arm linked around her waist.

Finally the time had come when they were face to face with his parents.

They were both insanely beautiful as Winnie assumed practically all high elves were, both adorned with fine silks and jewels Winnie had only ever dreamed to see.

Astarion appeared to have gotten his father's handsome facial features and his mother's luscious ivory curls.

Both his parents had different colored eyes his father's were golden while his mother's were green so the mystery of Astarion's eyes was still yet to be seen.

His mother looked over his face with pure shock before eventually bursting into tears.

She hugged him tight muttering something in elvish as she held him.

Astarion seemed to stiffen under her touch. Perhaps she was his mother, but at the same time she felt very much like a stranger.

His father eventually joined in on the hug as Winnie just stood there awkwardly.

It took them a few moments before the realization set in that their son was back from the dead.

His skin, cold to the touch, his eyes blood red and the fangs peaking out from behind his lips as he gave a nervous smile.

Immediately they jumped to a conclusion that the strange human woman Astarion was with was somehow the cause of this.

To which Winnie snarkily replied, "Do I look like a vampire lord to you?"

Astarion had to step in and explain what happened, he skipped all the unpleasant details to save himself a bit of pain.

While his parents seemed to become more accepting of his affliction rather fast, they barely batted an eye at Winnie.

And whenever they did look upon her it was with disgust.

Hells his father even assumed she was some kind of hired manservant! And tried to get her to carry Astarion's things in.

When Astarion said that Winnie was his lover, his mother gasped, acting as if she was going to faint.

It seemed theatrics ran in the family.

Things went rather poorly from there.

Astarion's father apparently tried to explain to him that bedding humans was not acceptable.

Winnie just stayed quiet and stood there awkwardly as she heard his mother claim that she probably used magic to tempt him into her bed.

It was then the pale elf snapped and told them off for not being there for him for over 200 years yet Winnie, a 'filthy human' had been there for him since the moment they met.

He made sure to let them know he wouldn't even have been here if it weren't for her wanting to reunite him with his 'family.'

Astarion eventually had enough and dragged Winnie out. He apologized to her very profusely afterwards.

He felt awful that she had gone through all this trouble only to be treated like trash by people she should have been welcomed by.

Winnie just smiled sadly and told him it was okay. It was worth trying.

The two hugged before leaving deciding to head back to Baldur's Gate and probably get drunk at the blushing mermaid.

Of course on their way out, one of the elven servants rushed after them with a letter.

It was from Astarion's father, apologizing for their behavior and begging Astarion to come back.

The vampire spawn simply rolled his eyes and tossed it out the window of the carriage.

Sometimes a real family was just a wild feral girl, a sassy vampire elf , and a winged cat.

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•

What? Did you expect Astarion's parents to be nice people?

~Druid

[dyinglikenarcissus]

Chapter 2. A New Normal

6k words

Warning: 18+ only. More kidnapping, that’s about it.

Like and reblog if you enjoy ☺️

You step into your home after spending far too long on the east coast. Your cat has been throwing a fit in his carrier ever since you pulled into your condo’s garage. Home sweet home. Safe and sound.

Away from him.

He wouldn’t follow you all the way to California. Right? He’s all talk. It was just a weird experience. Shortly after his strange proposal, he put you in a car and sent you back to your hotel. No phone, no camera, no Apple Watch. All of the tech that was on you was gone. It was just an elaborate robbery. But he left your wallet, your cash, and credit cards.

Just a strange, elaborate robbery.

But you’ll never see that guy again…

You unpack and open your computer to sync up your old phone data. You picked up a new one the same day and filed a stolen phone report with Verizon. They would take a week to do the replacement process but you needed a phone so you just bared the price.

Time to price out new cameras. Maybe you’ll get a smart ring instead of a watch. You kind of hated the clunky tech anyway.

You start to think up a script for the situation to put it on TikTok but you quickly think better of it. Best to just pretend it didn’t happen, probably.

You never met Steve. Bucky didn’t drug you. Sam didn’t apologize for the situation after dropping you off from the back of a luxury vehicle, acting like the good cop in the situation.

None of it happened.

You quickly get back to your life and almost forget about the situation.

Two weeks later, you get invited to a creator convention downtown and you jump at the chance to get out of the house. Your content has gotten a little stale since the incident. You didn’t really want to jump on anymore band wagons for a while.

You honestly don’t even want to leave the house…

You filmed a get ready with me. Put on a skimpy little burgundy dress you got while you were in New York.

You’re deciding if you want to deal with parking or deal with Uber when there’s a knock at your door.

You weren’t expecting anyone. None of your friends were going to the event so you were going solo. Everyone knew better than to just show up at your house unannounced…

You go to the door and attempt to reach the peep hole you’ve never been able to reach but you always try. And of course you still can’t reach it. So you open the door.

“Shit,” you whisper and quickly slam it shut locking it behind you.

How’d he find you? What’s he doing here? What the fuck!

“You aren’t even going to say hi to your fiancé?” He calls through the door. You can hear the smile in his voice. Your heart is pounding so hard you’re scared it might leap right out of your chest.

You hear rattling in the door knob and the door opens. What the fuck…

“I had Sammy copy your keys. I hope you don’t mind,” Steve sighs as he steps into your condo. “No shoes? Shoes? Do you care?”

“No shoes…” you whisper taking a step back as the giant man takes up space in your house.

He bends down and unties his dress shoes. He’s dressed in a burgundy blazer with black slacks today. You notice the shade matches the dress you’re wearing a little too well.

“What are you doing here?” You breathe.

“We have a date,” he sighs as he stands back up to step out of his shoes. You can’t help but notice the fresh Louboutin logo on the inside of them.

For someone so terrifying, he looks so good.

“Brought you a gift.” He hands you a black gift bag. You just glance at the bag before staring back up at him. “It’s not a bomb. I already said I’m not going to kill you,” he chuckles.

You take a tentative step forward and take the bag gingerly.

“You never said why you’re here,” you whisper.

“I did. It’s for our date. You’re just too terrified to think straight. Settle down. You’re like a scared rabbit. What happened to that confident girl filming her mob life on my dock?” He smirks and takes a step further into your home. “It’s cute. Very you in here. Where’s your cat?”

“I’m going to a Lancôme event. I don’t have time for this,” you whisper.

“The one at the Roosevelt? The one I made up?” He chuckles softly. “You are so predictable.”

“You don’t know anything about me,” you breathe.

“I’ve had your phone for a month. I know everything about you.”

He steps into your living room and sits on the chair like he belongs there, legs spread, taking up all the room he needs and making you feel so small in comparison. “Come on. Sit.” He commands and pats the arm rest of the chair. You edge your way into your own living room and perch on the edge of you couch as far away from him as possible. “You’re acting like you don’t know me,” Steve laughs.

“I don’t know you!” You shout before sucking in a breath at your own outburst.

“That’s why we’re going on a date. To get to know each other. Open your gift.”

You glance away from him long enough to place the bag on the floor at your feet. You take a deep breath before finally looking in the bag. There at the top is your phone, the one he took. You pull it out and examine it. It’s intact. It unlocks with your passcode and welcomes your with a picture of your celebrity crush Loki Laufeyson. Everything was the same…

“I added a couple of new contacts. If you need anything, call me, Bucky, or Sam. If I can’t get here to help, I have a guy in the Bay Area. His name’s Scott. I put his number in there too.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re my girl now and I take care of my things. There’s more in there.”

You place the phone at your side before looking back into the box. A brand new DSLR camera in the box. “Oh!” You squeak.

“You like that?” He smirks. “I couldn’t give you back your old one. I hope this makes up for that.”

“I mean, I had a bunch of New York b-roll on that camera.”

“We’ll get some new b-roll,” he quickly interjects. “We have to make this relationship look real. Like we met organically. We’ll take some trips to New York. You’ll see all the shit they don’t show the tourist.”

You open the box to inspect the new camera, turning it on. It already has a charge and everything.

“You happy? Does this make up for the old one?”

You look back up at him. “Happy? I want you to leave me alone. I want you out of my life.”

He levels a sharp look at you that makes you cringe back. “That’s not going to happen, sweetheart. I’m sorry we met this way but this is how the cards are gonna fall.” You can only gulp at the seriousness of his statement and the look on his face that makes you truly worry for your safety.

But he said he wouldn’t kill you…

“Since that’s settled, we have a reservation to make. You ready? Freshened up? Fed the cat?”

You take a sharp inhale. “Where are we going?”

“Jet’s all fueled up. We’re doing dinner in San Francisco so bring the camera.”

“San Francisco? I can’t go there! What about Jethro?”

“It’s a 30 minute flight. You’ll be back before midnight. Unless you enjoy your time with me so much you wanna stay,” he smirks making you frown.

“Just give me a second,” you whisper. You go to the kitchen to fill your cat’s food bowl and change out his water before stepping into the bathroom.

You furiously start to text your best friend that there’s a kidnapper in your house and he’s trying to kill you and to send the police but the second you press send the phone shuts off.

“What the fuck,” you breathe. It had a full battery…

“You see a blond and you think I’m a fucking idiot?” Steve calls into the bathroom. “I know you have a new phone. Sam already hacked it. Now use the bathroom and let’s go!”

You don’t even have to pee…

You step out of the bathroom dejectedly and run into Steve’s broad chest.

“I know this isn’t the best situation. I’m really trying here. Don’t-please don’t fight me. It’ll be easier if you just cooperate.” He voice softens in a way you’ve yet to hear and it does calm you. Slightly.

“Okay. Okay. My shoes are by the door.” He walks back over to the door and pats the bench you keep by it to drop off groceries and things. You sit obediently and he slips your shoes on for you before working on his own. You grab your purse and call goodbye to your cat who’s horrified of strangers so you don’t even bother to look for him.

You step right into Steve’s awaiting arm.

He’s the perfect gentleman as he lets you walk into the elevator first then holds open the door to his Rolls Royce.

“Do you want to pick the music?”

“No,” you answer quickly.

He sighs and presses a button the console and some old time band music starts to play. The perfect backdrop to how he’s going to tie cinder blocks to your ankles and toss you into the ocean.

He’s quiet as he drives to John Wayne. You can’t help but hazard a glance at him. He is extremely handsome. Chiseled jaw and cheek bones, gorgeous blue eyes…maybe a little green in the right light.

He smirks as you watch him. “I can see you staring.”

“Sorry,” you whisper and whip your gaze to the window.

“Don’t be.”

“So, what is it that you do exactly?”

“Imports. Exports.”

“…humans?”

“God, no. Mostly weapons and drugs.”

“Oh.”

“Almost as bad as humans in the long run. People’s lives are ruined either way.”

“Yeah,” you whisper.

“You won’t have to get involved in any of that,” he assures you.

“I wouldn’t know where to start,” you joke humorlessly.

He smiles at the statement. The silence becomes palatable after that as you glance at your old phone. You tucked the new one into your purse too but it’s yet to turn back on.

Everything from New York was gone. Even your plane tickets and Google Maps history. A whole week erased.

“Can I ask you something?”

Steve hums an affirmative.

“What happened on the dock?”

He smirks humorlessly and glances at you for a second before looking back at the road. “You don’t need to know.”

“But you’re, like, ruining my life for whatever that was! You can’t tell me?”

“I don’t want you to know anything more than what you need to know. It makes it easier in the long run.”

You grumble softly and repeat his words mockingly. He doesn’t respond.

The flight is quick just like he promised. A driver picks you up at the runway. This late at night and on the weekend, there’s very little traffic as the car makes its way through the city to ocean front.

You’re surprised when the familiar landscape becomes too familiar.

“What are we doing in Sausalito?”

“You’re familiar with the area?” Steve asks, not even glancing up from his phone.

“Yeah,” you whisper.

The world around you turns into the world you grew up in. You take a sharp intake of breath as you start to understand where you’re going. Maybe it’s been long enough. Maybe you can handle it.

The car stops in front of a very familiar restaurant. You wouldn’t be surprised if the hostess still remembers you.

It was only three years ago.

It was thankfully a different host and none of the servers looked familiar. You were directed through the kitchen, to a back room. It looked like it was set up for just the two of you.

“What do you think?” Steve asks as he pulls out your chair.

You just nod and sit. Your eyes are fixed on the menu. You can’t even enjoy the scenery.

You can’t do this.

Steve crouches down next to you. “Hey. You alright?” He asks. “You’re pescatarian, right? This is one of the best seafood places in the state.”

“It’s delicious. I’ve been here l-lots of times.” You voice cracks at the end of your statement and Steve is instantly on fix it mode.

“Alright, come on. We’re leaving.” He pulls out your chair and grips your forearm, tugging you back out the door.

He gets you back in the car and instructs the driver to drive around.

“Talk to me. What’s wrong?”

“That was my mom’s favorite restaurant. We went all the time. I haven’t been back since-“

“Shit,” Steve sighs. “I’m so sorry.”

“I guess you don’t know everything about me,” you whisper.

“Alright, you grew up here?” You nod. “Where someplace without memories?”

You think for a moment before pulling out your phone and giving the driver the address.

The silence is thick and uncomfortable now while you ride to the other side of the city. The world becomes more industrial as you enter Oakland. More urban. As you ride to a restaurant you’ve never actually been to but you’ve eaten the food plenty of times. You family loved this place but you alway opted for take out due to the nature of it.

“Barbecue?” Steve asks as the car stops in front of the restaurant. You nod and glance at him for approval. “You’re all dolled up in your pretty dress. You might get it dirty.”

“It’s the only place I can think of,” you laugh humorlessly. “And the dress is red. The sauce will blend right in.”

“Whatever you want,” Steve sighs. The driver steps out of the car and lets both of you out before disappearing into the restaurant.

“Both of my parents died when I was a kid,” Steve sighs, leaning against the side of the car. “I-I know how it feels. I’m so sorry.”

“I’m sorry to you, too.” You give him a half hearted smile.

“Just a couple of orphans,” he jokes just as the driver comes back.

“Cap, they can’t do a private room. They said they’re too busy.”

Steve lifts his brow at the man. “Does he know who I am?”

“This is Stark territory,” the man shrugs. Steve makes a sharp intake and pushes himself off the car to go inside the restaurant.

“Hold on,” you stop him, pressing a hand to his chest. “Let’s just eat at a regular table. It’s fine.” You direct your gaze to the driver. “Can you just put our name on the list? We’ll wait.”

Steve just shrugs and takes his place back against the car. The driver comes back advising they have a table for you and he goes to park somewhere.

Steve presses a hand to your lower back, leading you into the restaurant. You’re seated at a table near a window in a relatively quiet corner.

“See? This isn’t so bad?”

“I guess not,” Steve sighs and pulls out your chair once again. A waitress comes around relatively quickly with menus and water.

“Is it your first time here?”

“It’s his first time,” you gesture to Steve. “It’s my first time in an extremely long time.”

“Well, the menu didn’t change much. Our ribs are a best seller of course. And the links are a little spicy,” she warns. “Special occasion?” She asks seeing our outfits.

“It’s our first date,” you smile.

“Cute! I hope you both enjoy it!” She leaves you for a moment to look over the menu.

You attempt to stifle a laugh while you watch Steve across the table. “What?” He asks, glancing up.

“It’s just funny that she warned you about the spice level.”

He cracks a smile at that. “She probably saw that I needed one from a mile away so I appreciate it.”

“Big, bad Steve can’t handle a little heat?”

“I know my limits,” he grins. You giggle at him and look over the cocktail list already knowing what you want. “I thought you were pescatarian?”

“I’ll still eat chicken occasionally.”

“Good to know,” he mutters.

You lean forward on the table. “You know, its not really fair you got this head start on me when I don’t know anything about you.”

“Then ask.”

“I-I don’t know what to ask. I’m not really the dating type,” you admit.

“You don’t date?”

“I haven’t dated anyone in an extremely long time. Like years.”

“Are you straight?”

“You couldn’t get that from my phone?”

“I have a pretty good guess,” Steve counters, placing his menu on the table to focus on you. “You have a crush on Loki Laufeyson for some reason, you have this ancient photo album full of men, but your porn history…” he trails and your face heats instantly.

“Fine, I’m bi,” you admit before he can read you to further filth.

“Was that so hard? What are you getting?”

You frown slightly at losing his little game. “Just the chicken.”

“What sides?”

“I think green beans and potato salad. What about you?”

“I’m thinking the ribs and brisket with corn and potato salad. You think the dessert’s good here?”

You just nod. It’s good. You don’t need to give him an explanation. The waitress comes back and takes your orders. Steve surprises you and orders for you. He adds on a whiskey lemonade and you request a spiked kool aid.

“Did you spend your whole life in Sausalito?”

“Yeah, until my mom died. I just couldn’t stay. That’s when I moved to LA.”

“Is your family here, too?”

“Yeah, well, in Norcal. They’re sprinkled around all over the place. What about you?”

“Sam and Buck are all I have left,” Steve sighs. “I lost everyone so I made a new family.” You nod. That must be hard, too.

“Can you tell me about yourself?” You request after the waitress drops off your drinks.

“I’ve known Bucky since I was a kid. We joined the army together. We met Sam at the base in Sokovia. We’ve been tight ever since. Bucky lost his arm and got discharged. Sam and I learned too much about our government and we went rouge, I guess. Been running ever since.”

“So you went from being in the American army to…” you trail, not knowing how much you can say in public.

“Pretty much.”

“That’s a complete turn around.”

“Haven’t looked back,” he sighs and sips his drink. “How is it?” You nod sipping your own cocktail. It was really good actually.

“How yours?”

“Good.”

He sighs and tugs his phone from his pocket. He types a few lines of text before handing it to you. It’s on the face ID screen.

“The password is 1918.”

“Is that the year you were born?”

“Oh, she’s got jokes,” he smirks. “It’s just a number. Take it. I’ll get it back on our next date.”

You take the phone tentatively. “Are you sure? Don’t you need it for…stuff?”

“I’ve got a work phone for that. But that one has all the personal stuff. So we can be on the same level.”

You go though the face ID process and the home screen lights up for you. The background is a landscape of New York, the icons are all sorted in designated boxes so unlike your own phone where apps are spread out and you have to hunt for the ones you rarely use.

“Where’s the next date going to be? My grandma’s grave?” You smirk.

“I didn’t know!” Steve argues with a smile.

“But I thought you knew everything about me! Are you a liar now?”

“How was I supposed to know?”

“Maybe if you weren’t forcing me to marry you, you might learn it on an actual date.”

Steve sighs as you suck all of the fun out of the situation. “I’m not apologizing for this anymore.”

“I’m not accepting any apologies.”

“Can we just enjoy our date?”

You hum softly and stir your drink. “The worst part is if it weren’t for all of this, I might actually like you.”

Steve drops you off at home a little after midnight. He walks you up to your door and presses a kiss to your forehead before bidding you goodnight.

The date didn’t get much better after your outburst. Steve sort of clammed up on you so you disengaged too. This was no way to start a relationship. Even a fake one…

You sigh and step back into your home. You just want to get out of this dress.

You strip and shower and lie in bed before remembering the new phone in your purse. Your cat joins you just as you fish it out.

Steve’s pictures are surprisingly normal. He’s got a lot of tattoos under those dress shirts. You see them peaking out under tanks and littering his chest in topless shots. You hum softly. You’ve never thought of being with someone with that many tattoos but you didn’t know what to expect from a hardened criminal. Photos of him and Bucky and Sam. Some other people come and go. There’s a red head that’s pops up pretty often among them. She’s gorgeous.

You keep scrolling past trips and scenic landscapes until you notice another common woman. This one’s photos are more intimate. Sleeping, cuddling with him, oh shit!

Was she sucking his…?

You squeak and toss the phone away startling your cat.

“Why would he want me to see that?” You whisper. Unless…

You pull the phone back toward you and try to ignore the video to look at the date. It was over five years old.

You can’t help but glance back at the image. Fuck, he’s thick.

You scroll away quickly. There’s more pornographic images sprinkled into his life. Photos of rings, a wedding, a church. All with her.

You go back further and watch their relationship. A small one bedroom apartment, a dog, parks, beaches, sunsets. He loved her, whoever she was…

You scroll back up to when you first noticed her image until they stopped. Maybe they broke up. You yawn and place the phone on your bedside table.

You’ll look through it more tomorrow.

-

After a week of normal life, Steve texts you to pack a weekend bag.

You ask where he’s taking you and he actually tells you. Probably to avoid another date like the last one.

Tokyo

What about Jethro? There’s no way you’ll be able to get your sitter on this short of notice.

You and that fucking cat. Bring him

You don’t question the man’s sanity, you just start to pack up your cat’s food.

Three days later you’re flying first class with your kitten to Japan.

This was insane.

You meet Steve at the airport in a private car and he greets you with a smile and asks about your week.

“Fine,” you answer tersely and place Jethro between the two of you in the car.

“Sam noticed your social media presence has dipped. Care to explain?”

Well, that was abrupt…

“Um, I just haven’t felt like leaving the house…”

“Are you scared I’ll jump out of the bushes or something?” Steve laughs as the car pulls off.

“No!” You answer quickly but that was a lie. “Kinda.”

“No one’s going to bother you. Get back to your regular life. I don’t want anything to seem suspicious.”

“That’s kinda hard,” you mutter.

“What was that?” You can tell he hates your backtalk but he’s trying to be civil.

You clear your throat and gather your thoughts. “It’s kinda hard to act like everything is normal when it isn’t.”

He sighs and crosses one of his long legs over the other.

“Have you told your friends about me?”

“No,” you snort. How were you supposed to brooch that. This hot guy kidnapped me and now we’re ’dating’.

“Tell them about me so it’s not out of left field for them to get a wedding invitation,” he sighs.

“What am I supposed to say?”

“Let’s make up a meet cute,” he suggests. “Coffee shop?” You shrug. “Bar?”

“I don’t go to bars.”

“Fine. You tell me how we met.” Irritation swirls in his voice and you kind of want to continue to poke the bear…

You think for a moment trying to make up a scenario that might irritate him just enough. “I was filming along the water front in New York and bumped into you and my phone fell in the water before I could save anything. You jumped in to get it but it was, like, gone. We both felt so bad because you felt responsible and you were all wet with murky, dirty water. You offered to get me a new one but you were dripping wet so we went back to your place so you could change then we went to the Apple Store. I left and came back home but you went to the store a couple of days later and bought a local catfish-“

“I see where this is going,” Steve shakes his head. “That’s fucking ridiculous.”

“Just ridiculous enough,” you insist with a smile. “We can film some b-roll and make it a get ready with me. Make it happen.”

He lets out a defeated sigh while watching you intently with a lifted brow. “You’re serious?” You nod “Are you asking me to be in a movie, little movie star?”

“I mean, we have to make this legit.”

“Alright, we’ll do it when we get back to the States.” You smile up at him before he goes back to the tablet on his lap for the rest of the ride.

His lack of reaction disappoints you but he seems to really be trying to get along with you. You have a whole long weekend with him…You can break him in four days.

You film some of the city scape, since he wants to be part of your life apparently before he drops you off at the hotel.

“You’re in room 2001. My room is 2002, right across the hall.” Steve hands you a key card. “I’ll pick you up for dinner at 7, get some rest in the meantime. Then we can talk about what to do for the rest of the weekend.” You nod and take the card. “I have to handle some business but call if you need anything.” A door man opens the door and works on your luggage while you handle Jethro.

The hotel is gorgeous. One of those hotels you film in the lobby of to make it look like you’re staying there but you could never afford it, couldn’t even fake it. The 20th floor is the top of the hotel. There’s only one other room up this high and it’s Steve’s. You look around in awe. The room is gorgeous. It’s huge. And it looks like a house! You step into a living room, there’s a wet bar with a mini fridge and a balcony looking out over the city that is calling you but you have to get Jethro settled first. You notice a litter box in the coroner and a pet bed full of toys, treats, and cat food. Steve really thought of you. You release Jethro from his carrier and he takes a few tentative steps around the room before letting out a questioning meow.

“I’m right here,” you reassure him. It’s not his first time in a hotel but it’s his first time flying to the other side of the world. You film him exploring his new environment before taking him out to the balcony.

“We’re in Tokyo!” You announce to the camera with your cat in tow. You let him explore the balcony while the bell hop brings up your luggage. You do a little editing and finally let out a sigh.

“You wanna help me unpack, little man?” He chirps up at you and you take him back inside. You press a kiss to his head and place him on the bed while you go through your luggage.

Your phone vibrates but you’re shocked when its not Steve.

It’s your best friend.

Hey! When did you go to Japan??

She must have seen your post. You’ve been a terrible friend this past month but your head has been all over the place. Here goes nothing.

I’ve been seeing this guy. He flew me out for a long weekend

Whaaat??? Who is he? Why didn’t you tell me? Is he hot???

You laugh at her messages.

We’ll take some pictures tonight. He’s gorgeous

It was the truth. He was beautiful, tall, and buff. Every woman’s dream man. You’d be happy if you weren’t being forced into this situation.

You deserve it

You smile at her text. Maybe you just need to make the best of it.

Do you want me to bring you back anything?

YESS!!! Whatever you can fit in your bag!!!

You laugh and send her a thumbs up emoji.

You want to explore the hotel and the city but the time change is killing you. You turn on a YouTube video and let it watch you fall asleep.

You wake up feeling a dip on the bed next to you.

“Little star, you alright?” You groan softly and smoother your face in the pillow. “You are going to be up all night,” Steve chuckles.

“I tried to stay awake,” you mutter before yawning and stretching. You press yourself up to look at him. He’s dressed in a simple cable knit sweater and slacks. He looks so effortless. He could probably wear a paper bag and look good.

“You hungry?” You nod. “Sushi?” You smile and nod again. “Get up and get dressed.” He gets up and heads to the living room. You glance around and notice your cat is gone. Of course he is. Steve must be a holy terror to him.

You get up and stretch again before finding some clothes. A simple sweater should be good. It was chilly out so you should wear a coat.

You put your braids in a ponytail and step out of the bedroom to find Steve with your cat on his lap, looking as content as he could be.

“What the hecko? Jethro?” The cat looks at you and blinks slowly.

“I had to come all the way to Japan to finally meet this guy. Does he like his bed and everything?”

“Well, yeah,” you sputter incredulously. “He’s just normally terrified of strangers. I’m…he’s sitting with you?”

“Bucky’s cat is the same way,” Steve sighs. “They just like me, I guess,” he shrugs while running a hand down your cat’s back. Then he looks at you and graces you with a gorgeous smile. “You look really cute.”

Your face heats.

“I figured we should match.” You look down at your own white sweater under your leather jacket.

“We have a reputation to uphold,” he laughs and places Jethro on the floor. “Ready?” You nod and take his hand. He brings your hand to his lips and leads you to the elevator.

“No car?” You ask when you reach the lobby and notice the lack of black luxury vehicles.

“No car. Just a short walk.”

“Growth,” you smile up at him.

“I walk. When I’m out of the States,” he laughs.

“Where are Sam and Bucky while you’re out of the country?”

“Sam’s here. Buck’s in Europe handling some stuff.” You hum in understanding. “Why?”

“It just seems like they’re always with you. I was just wondering.”

“They didn’t come on the last date.”

“No, but they flew with us.”

“I needed my wing men.” You burst into laughter at his statement. “I’m not great with women. I’ve really only had one serious relationship. I just want you to like me.”

You hum not really knowing how to brooch the question. “I looked through your phone. Obviously. Was it the brunette?”

“Peggy. We were married.”

“What happened?”

“She passed away five years ago.”

“Steve!” You almost shout and remember where you are. “You’re a widow?”

He takes a breath and pulls you along down the street. “Yeah.” So many questions run through your mind but he stops are a revolving sushi place that reminds you how much he’s really trying. You love revolving sushi.

You’re seated at the bar and you record a few seconds before posing together for a selfie. He presses a kiss to your temple and you get a photo of it.

“Can I ask you about what happened to her?” You ask quietly

“Colon cancer.”

“Colon cancer?” You repeat.

“Came out of nowhere. By the time we found out it was too late. After I lost her, I just threw myself into my work. I feel like I’m a completely different man from the man she knew. Sometimes I think back about my time with her and it feels like a different life.”

“Do you think you’ve changed for the better?” You question.

He sighs deeply. “No.” He takes a sip of his sake. “But I’ve learned so much about the world that I didn’t know when she was alive. I feel like I’ve gotten as good as I can get.” You sigh. What could have possibly happened in his life to take him from a military man who was a loving husband to a crime lord?

You watch as he pours another cup of sake and you can’t help yourself. You stand up and press a kiss to his temple, not so unlike the ones he’s given you. They calmed you so much. You hope yours does the same for him.

The two of you walked back to the hotel hand in hand but Steve was right as you’re learning he is about a lot of things. You were wired.

“Did you decide what you want to do tomorrow?” Steve asks as you step into the lobby.

“Can we go to Disneyland?”

“Disneyland?” He repeats, shock all over his face.

“I’ve always wanted to go to Tokyo Disney,” you insist.

“Alright. I’ll make some calls.”

He starts toward the elevator but you fall behind. “What’s wrong?”

“Um,” you play with your jacket zipper for a second. “Can we get a drink or something?”

“You aren’t tired, are you?”

“Far from it,” you laugh.

“There’s a stocked bar in the room.”

“Okay,” you nod.

He leads you to your room. “You wanna change? Get showered, and everything? I’ll come over in 30?” You nod and you go your separate ways.

Just for a moment.

You follow his instructions and you felt a little more relaxed after each step of your night time routine. You’re wrapping your braids up in a high bun when he knocks on the door.

“Come in!”

“Got a private tour for Disneyland tomorrow. You owe Sam a drink. Probably a whole bottle,” Steve laughs and heads straight for the alcohol.

“They didn’t know who you were?” You joke from the bedroom.

“My name gets me a lot but Disney’s a fucking vault.”

“Oh, something even the great Steve Rogers can’t ge…” The words die on your lips when you see him.

Grey sweat pants should come with a warning. Especially when they’re worn by him.

“It keeps me humble,” he sighs. “What are you drinking, movie star?”

“Um…” you have to catch your breath. He really does make anything look good. “I uh-“ you have to clear your throat before you can continue. “Is there a rosé over there?”

“Coming right up.”

You perch on the edge of the couch and it instantly reminds you of your first date. You roll his phone around in your hands and finally pass it back to him when he hands you the glass. “You know you really shouldn’t just pass that around to anyone,” you warn.

“Did you watch those videos?” He smirks, making himself comfortable in the arm chair across from you. You can help but watch his tattoos that swirl from his chest down his arms. Anything to avoid his gaze while you talk about this.

“I couldn’t, like, not watch them…” you trail.

“And?”

“And what?” Your face heats as he watches you. “You want me to tell you you have a fat dick or something?”

“Do I?” He asks with a quirked eye brow.

“Can we change the subject?”

“You brought it up.”

“You’re impossible,” you laugh and lean back on the couch.

“I’m not deleting them,” he shrugs.

“I don’t expect you to.” Especially now that you know more about the situation. You swirl your glass for a moment before asking your next question. “Was she into filming stuff or were you?”

He smirks at you for a moment before answering. “Maybe a little of both.”

“You’re freaky, Mr. Rogers.”

“I never said I was a saint. You film every moment of your life. Ever filmed that?”

“No,” you answer quickly.

He hums softly and shrugs. “You might like it.”

You just shake your head and smile.

“You have a gorgeous body. You could film anything you want and people would watch it.” You laugh at his words just as Jethro jumps on the arm chair and curls up in his lap.

“I can’t believe him,” you sigh, watching the cat. Five years of him running in horror at the doorbell ringing and all it took was one mob boss to change him.

“You both have terrible taste in men,” he sighs and scratches behind the cat’s ear.

“What do you know about my taste in men?” You smile.

“You’re dating me, aren’t you?”

You just shake your head. “You’re ridiculous.” You stretch out on the couch and stare up at the ceiling. “Oh! Who’s the red head?”

“Natasha. She’s an old friend and kind of a pain in the ass. I keep her at arms distance because she’s useful but I don’t completely trust her.”

“She sounds wonderful,” you laugh.

“You two would probably get along: you share every moment of your life, she keeps every moment a heavily guarded secret.”

“I mean she’s fucking gorgeous. She can do whatever she wants if you ask me.”

“You two can take over the world together.”

You roll your eyes at his statement. “We didn’t film the end of our date,” you sigh.

“Come here,” he pats his lap, moving Jethro to the arm rest.

You stand up and fall into his lap opening your camera app on your phone. “Cheers?” He grins and holds up his glass before pressing a kiss to your cheek.

“That good?” He asks wrapping his arm around your waist. You nod and he pulls you back against his chest. You add the clip to the rest of the video and schedule it to post in the morning.

“I can’t wait to go to Disney. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” he mutters and presses another kiss to your temple. He holds you against him while you edit some other videos and finish your glass. Steve works on his own phone and the two of you sit in comfortable silence.

You notice Steve finish his whiskey and ask if he wants a refill.

“Thank you.”

You get up and refill both your glasses. “What are you working on?”

“Sourcing products,” he answers simply.

“You make it all sound like you just run a store.”

“I guess it kind of is,” he smiles and takes his drink. You start to walk back over to the couch but he grabs your hand. “Come back. I like you here.” You laugh and sit back down on his lap. You wrap one arm around his shoulder as you snuggle into his hold.

“I kind of like being here, too.”

“Good,” he sighs. He places his glass on the side table with his phone next to it. “Do you have any other questions about me or do you want to keep my phone for another week?”

“It was kind of fun being a mob boss for a couple of weeks.”

He places the phone in your lap. “You can be the boss for as long as you want,” he laughs.

“You don’t want it back?”

“It felt nice to unplug for a couple of weeks.”

“Alright. I’ll keep it. But you have to take your phone back on the next date. I can’t handle all of this responsibility on my own.”

“Yes, ma’am,” he smiles.

He takes your glass from your hand and places it next to his. “I need to talk to you about something serious. We’ve been ‘dating’ but I need you to refer to me as your fiancé. If anyone asks you, we’re engaged, alright?” You nod. “Good. That’s all. Some of us have been up making money all day. I’m fucking exhausted.”

“I’m sorry for keeping you up,” you smile.

“Don’t be. I like being with you.” He tucks his arm under your legs and carries you to your bed. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“What time?”

“Sam said the park opens at 9. I’ll have some breakfast sent up at 8 and we’ll leave after that.” You nod and he puts you down. “Try to get some sleep.” You nod again. He presses a kiss to your forehead and you snuggle into bed. You hear the hotel room door open and close and take a deep sigh.

Part of you wishes he would stay.

-

Room service wakes you up bright and early. You’re amazed you eventually got some sleep.

Steve comes over about ten minutes after breakfast arrives.

“You aren’t dressed?” Steve asks walking through the open bathroom door.

“No,” you mumble around toothbrush. He smiles and wraps his arms around your waist. You bend over to rinse your mouth. “You’re too cheery for this early.”

He smirks. “I already had my coffee and went to the gym. I’m ready to go.”

“Just like the elderly to be up early.”

He rolls his eyes at you in the mirror. “I’m going to eat. Take your time looking cute.” You smile and let him kiss your forehead. You’re getting used to his kisses. You start to look forward to them. Thirty minutes later, you emerge from your bedroom refreshed and dressed in a Minnie Mouse sweater.

“You didn’t want to match me today?” Steve asks cutting up his omelette.

“I have to rep my girl,” you giggle pointing at the queen mouse herself.

“Fine, I’ll change before we leave,” he smiles.

“You don’t have to.” You grab a plate and peruse the buffet that appeared in your room. “Why is there so much food?”

“I like matching you. And I don’t know what kind of breakfast food you like.”

“A bagel and scrambled egg sandwich with a little bit of hot sauce.”

“Good to know,” Steve smiles. You place your food next to his at the bar before feeding Jethro. “How’d you sleep?”

“Surprisingly good. And you?”

“Like a rock. ” You step up onto the bar stool next to him. “Got you something.” Steve slides a ring box in front of you as you sit down. You give him a dubious look before opening it.

“Shit.” You almost fall off the stool at the diamond sitting in front of you. “Wha-what is this?”

“We have to be engaged, right?”

“And this is how you’re proposing? Just giving me a ring at breakfast?”

“You’re the one narrating this relationship. Make up a good story for me.”

You blanch at him. Does he not have a romantic bone in his body? As you stare up at him, a thought comes to mind. “Brain blast! You can propose at Disneyland!”

“Are you serious?” Steve cocks an eyebrow at you.

“It’s every girl’s dream,” you joke. “At least it’s what they think their dream is. It’ll do crazy numbers!”

“When am I going to learn to stopped being shocked by your ideas?” Steve sighs. “Fine. But you know, if we’re going to have a filmed, public proposal, we’re going to have to kiss.”

You frown slightly. “Yeah, I guess we will.”

“Should we practice?” Kiss? Him? On the lips? You gasp and look up at him again. Your terror must read all over your face. “Or we can just let it happen in the moment. It will probably look more organic.”

“No, you’re right. First kisses are always awkward. We have to do it before hand.”

“Do you want me to brush my teeth?” Steve asks with a smirk and pushes his empty plate away.

“Um, no, it’s okay. Let’s just do it.”

“You don’t have to say it like its a death sentence. It’s just a kiss.”

“No, I just, um…You take the lead,” you insist.

He gives you a look like he’s trying to figure out what you just said before his eyes widen. “You’ve never kissed anyone?”

“Oh my God,” you mutter and cover your face with your hands. Is it that obvious?

“Wait. Are you a virgin, too?” You just nod, unable to look at him. “What kind of abstinent rock did you live under?” Steve chuckles.

“It’s not funny.” You mutter into your hands.

“Yes, it is. What are you? 30? And you’ve never kissed anyone? How do you even know you’re bi?”

“I just know!” You cry. This was beyond embarrassing. You just wanted to have a fun day at Disneyland, ride the rides, eat the food, get to know Steve better but now all your embarrassing secrets were out on the table like you were in high school all over again.

“Alright, it’s not funny. Calm down. You’ll ruin your make up,” Steve sighs and pulls your hands away from his face. There’s still a ghost of a smile on his lips that makes you laugh at the whole situation.

“Maybe it is kind of funny,” you admit.

“It’s fucking hilarious,” Steve grins. “We have a lot of practicing to do if you’ve never kissed anyone.” He turns your stool so you’re facing him. “Alright. Close your eyes.” You follow his instructions.

It takes a moment before you feel a soft press to your lips.

It’s nice.

“There. First one done.” You can hear the smile in Steve voice. “You wanna do it back?” Your eyes flutter open to meet his. He’s still leaning forward with his elbows on his knees, his face just inches from yours. You nod tentatively. He closes his eyes and you purse your lips and kiss him back.

You kind of like it.

“You’re a pro already. Ready for something more advanced?” You nod again. “Alright. Close ‘em.” You follow his instructions again and his hands cup your face. This time his lips slot between yours, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth. He gives you the smallest nip of his teeth making you gasp and you know he’s got you. The second your mouth opens, he’s in it, your teeth clashing while he holds your face to his. Then he lets go. Your eyes open again to see him standing over you. His pupils are slightly dilated, hiding the blue of his eyes. His lips are red from you lip gloss. His breathing matches yours.

You love this.

You don’t wait for his prompting this time. You reach up to pull him down into another breath stealing kiss. His arms wrap around your waist, lifting you slightly from the stool. He can take you where ever he want to go.

He starts to pull away but you chase him making him smile. You giggle and press one last kiss to his lips. He keeps you in his embrace and you keep him in yours. He’s just breaths away.

“Do you think you’ve got enough reps in?”

“Maybe one more to make sure?”

“Gladly,” Steve grins and lifts you just to place you on the bar counter and steps between your legs. You’ll have to let him go eventually. Just not right now.

-

“Hey guys! I know I’ve been kind of spotty with uploads but as I said in the last video, my boyfriend brought me to Japan! This is day two! We started off with a room service buffet. Then we went to Tokyo Disneyland! Ah! I was in heaven! It was all so magical! We got matching hoodies. We love to match! And I got a pair of rose gold ears. Steve booked us a tour guide for the day so we got to walk onto everything! Things got a little too intense for Steve after Journey to the Center of the Earth. This was him trying to hold down his Mickey Pretzel. So, I was a solo rider for the rest of the day. We ended the day with fireworks in this special reserved area with a blanket and hot cocoa. It was so cute. And then Steve shocked me and proposed in front of the castle! Of course I said yes! I love him so much! It was such an amazing day. Stay tuned for some wedding planning videos! This is so exciting!”

You end the voice over recording and let out a burnt out sigh.

“You’re a good actress,” Steve laughs and runs his hand over your stomach while you relax in his lap after all the walking you did today.

You snort out a laugh. “You haven’t seen my other videos, apparently.”

“I have. You’re nowhere near that bubbly in real life.”

“You don't think I have a generally cheery disposition?” You grin.

“I think you’re a fucking brat,” Steve smirks into his drink. You just giggle at his words.

You sync up the video with your voice over and the two of you sit in silence while Steve sips his bourbon. You get to the footage that makes you pause as Steve holds your middle and you happily leap into his arms to share the passionate kiss you worked so hard on that morning. It looked good.

Really good. “That kiss was pretty damn convincing.” Steve presses a kiss to your temple.

“You think so?”

He hums positively. “They might actually think you’re in love.”

You smile and turn your head to face him. You press a kiss to his cheek. “I had a good teacher.”

“Did you?” Steve smirks and brushes his hand up your jaw. “Do you want some more homework?” He presses another heart stopping kiss to your lips. You turn in his lap to straddle his legs and Steve grips your hips, holding you close.

“I like kissing you,” you admit against his lips.

“Good, because I’m not going to stop anytime soon.” You giggle and cup his jaw, falling back into his kiss.

Chapter 1 | Master List | Chapter 3

[lover-of-mine]

You don't have to answer this question at all if it's too personal . I won't feel bad. I'm just trying to get an idea of what to expect. I'm agnostic and wasn't raised in any religion. I don't even know really anyone who practices Catholicism. The only thing I can interpret from my friends who are Christian is its definitely, harsher??? Values ingrained in them. I was wondering if you were raised religious and had to battle being queer vs any pre conceived notions you held or your family may have. I swear you said something once about Nuns crossing themselves when they passed you for having colored hair? Sorry if I'm wrong on that. I just feel like if they are doing this they are really doing it and what a story of deconstructing yourself might look like.

Okay, this is a complicated question. I was raised religious and for all intents and purposes, I still am, but while I am christian, I was never catholic. I was raised with spiritism as a belief and they are a lot more open to stuff than different churches. The experience I had with catholic people telling me stuff like being queer is wrong was in school, because my city is very catholic and because we had a religious study class that was mandatory and the teacher was very Sunday school type vibes even though it wasn't supposed to be a catholic leaning class, but at that point I was old enough to push back, so I was constantly fighting my teacher. I'm not out to my family because while my parents never had a problem with queer people, my dad has made some comments about bisexual people that make me scared even tho they weren't fully bigoted, it's just boomer talk, being ignorant, and, honestly, I think he knows and he's waiting for me to say something because there was a situation with one of my cousins a few years back that got me really heated because her side of the family is very religious, and she's some shade of queer and people kept using religion against her, and my dad suddenly started talking about acceptance and stuff like that while supporting how frustrated I was with my uncle, but honestly, at this point I'm kinda settled into only coming out to them if there's a girl I want them to meet. I did go to university in a very religious city and I had to deal with multiple people commenting on my appearance, specifically colorful hair, the nun thing did happen, I had blue hair and I was wearing a shirt that had a cross made of skulls, they didn't like that, but I've had people tell I'm not getting into heaven and my sin was pink hair. I can't really help with this particular aspect because my struggle with being bi was never about someone telling me that loving women is wrong, it was always I do like men, so I just thought people felt that way about everybody. I fully kissed another girl and didn't accept I was bi until like, 3 years later lol. I will say that catholicism as a whole is very engrained into latino culture, and I did experience that adjacently, the whole being gay is a sin thing, but since in my house I didn't have that, I pushed back, I pushed back enough that my whole school believed I was a lesbian by the time I hit highschool (I grew up in a small town, everyone knows everyone)

Now, applying the whole thing to Eddie, I think with the way that Eddie talks about religious pressure defining some steps he took with his life, deconstructing his relationship with religion and the concept of God would be important for him to fully accept himself if that's where they're going. Mostly because I think he needs to confront the way he views the works and when you grow up religious, it does affect the way you look at things even if you don't believe that religion anymore. But I don't think I can give anything more insightful given the way I don't know how it feels like to experience catholicism the way Eddie does. I do believe that Eddie finding himself does mean Eddie accepting he is some shade of queer, and since they touched on the whole catholic guilt last season, that's a good way to force him to accept that there's nothing wrong with him, but it's more about the way I watched people go through similar stuff, not any personal experience.

[fairyniceyeah]

LOLLAPALOOZA EXPERIENCE

My review of Lollapalooza Berlin 2024

First of all, have some low quality screen pics!

Hi Carats!

A lot of you asked about Lollapalooza Berlin in private messages, so I thought I’d just write about my general experience for all of you. Especially about SEVENTEEN of course.

So, we were there for both days and explored the whole area on Day 1. There were so many cool stands, though we didn’t check all of them all out. There was a lot of food and drink stands, enough that you never really had to wait in line. Also it was hot. SO DAMN HOT. Drop it like HOT. Runnin’ too HOT. It was basically 32°+ degrees both days all day and damn… but there was enough shade. Especially around the Olympia stadium you could always find a spot to rest and they had lots of resting areas in the shade! It was pretty good!

Queuing for entrance tho was a pain in the ass at first and very unorganized but I guess it could have still been much worse.

Well, since I made some freebies I got to talking to a lot of Carats that day already. It was a really cool experience to chat with them and swap freebies or just giving them out. I didn’t have much for each member but I was pleasantly surprised that Jun’s and Jeonghan’s bracelets were gone first! Well, and Mingyu’s to like nobodies surprise. I gotta be honest and I really don’t want to offend any Mingyu-stans but a few people actually refused other members freebies. I had some general group stuff and diamond-bracelets to represent Carat and I noticed that mostly Mingyu-stans (were maybe not solo-stans but) would not take other members’s stuff. Other people listed their bias lines and may not have ended up with their favs but were happy enough to have something from their bias line. I was very happy that a lot of people asked for Seungkwan – I didn’t realize he was that well-liked! Sadly, though I also had more Vernon stuff because I had more turtle charms, his weren’t much asked for.  

We later went to the Carat café in town which was cool! We managed to get there at a time where the line wasn’t too long – we still wait like an hour but we got to talk to some people and the bubble tea was good. I have a lot of bracelets now, as well as photocards and stickers so I am very happy with that!

Sunday was the worst. Camping started at 6am and when we woke up at like 8am we saw on TikTok that we didn’t want to be there. Honestly, queuing for entrance the second day we already kinda felt ashamed to be associated with Carats. There was so much trash just laying around, it was disgusting. People had left chairs, jackets, blankets whatever there which was really respectless. Security was pretty pissed off with Carats, it seemed – and rightfully so! We could feel how they were already exhausted just seeing people with bracelets, carat bongs ad cut-out etc.

Starting from 10am people were sitting in front of SEVENTEEN’s stage and blocking the view. The organizers had either completely underestimated the amount of Carats coming or they were plain stupid. There was a band paying for kids on that stage and did they get to see them? No! Carats kept blocking the way and parents were scared to enter the area with kids. Whenever they asked for cheers from kids they were coming from like behind the third barrier. In this case, we also were in the second barrer area, so we also were the assholes I guess. We had brought our friends food, since they hadn’t eaten by 12pm and fought our way into the area but after the first band we left. It was so crowded and you couldn’t see anything either way. We made friends with a group of Carats that we hung out with most of the day which was cool because finding a group is always easier than just with two people.

Short side story: Eating ice cream is dangerous, people! As I said it was hot and the ice cream was frozen pretty good – enough so that my lip froze to the ice and my whole inner lip area was torn open. It was a blood bath… so yeah, I may use that for further fics maybe but dear God, I just wanted ice cream…

We went to see Nothing but Thieves and Cro where we stood frontal to the stage in the open area and it was so crowded. Most German carats at least could sing along to Cro, and Nothing but Thieves also was received well, but you could see that all artist that day were annoyed that their fans couldn’t see them and the fans weren’t happy either. They were so done with Carats. Between sets security and organizers worked on making people go back a few steps so people could sit down but it didn’t work well. Nobody wanted to give up their precious spots. We managed to sit for a few times in the open area but damn, it was hard not getting stepped on. Leaving for the bathroom or getting water was nearly impossible. Especially me, who with 150cm am very short, had already given up on seeing anything by then. Some people were nice enough to let me through when they realized just how tiny I am but going without my friend also felt wrong and scary. I don’t do well with crowds, I was kinda scared and also I hate the feeling of not being able to leave.

When I fought my way to the bathroom I spotted a less crowded area in the open area where we stood in the end. Why was it less crowded? Well, Carats in the second barrier area were misbehaving (pushing and stuff) and so the security (I wasn’t there, so I only heard what others said) had put up higher, view-blocking barriers there. A lot of Carats who didn’t want to go into the “hot” or as well called it the “delulu”-area were suddenly unable to see despite standing there the whole day. I know a few who want to refund their tickets tho I don’t know if that will work. I can understand their frustration, however. They were punished for stuff they didn’t do while Carats inside were still able to enjoy their life (*cough* pushing and being rude). This meant we had this amazing view of the stage. What you can see is the raised area but that's only my phone's view, not mine.

We didn’t get to see SEVENTEEN in real life in a way. The only way was the big screens that we could just barely see from below. I could only see the stage if I held my phone up high.

I got to be honest – yes, I can stay I was in the same area as SEVENTEEN, yes, I breathed the same air, and yes, I heard the concert live – but I am disappointed in the Carats who ruined it for everyone.

People seemed to be giving us annoyed looks – especially those who couldn’t really see their artist perform and saw that Carats were sitting down for the stages. Sitting down between sets is cool but refusing to dance with other artists is just plain rude. Hell, I am not even a Cro-fan and barely like any of his songs but it was cool. It seemed as if he had even made his setlist with older, more famous songs so that Carats were not completely lost with stuff they didn’t know.

And also the first band (Deine Freunde), who were there for the kids, commented in a joking way that they didn’t really care about performing and were also just waiting for SEVENTEEN. I didn’t really think it was that funny because what the hell? The band was basically playing for people who couldn’t care less about them…

Well, now to SEVENTEEN’s stage: It was good! Very good! They “only” had 90 minutes which meant there weren’t that many songs but it was nice. It wasn’t completely the set list I expected but it was cool. I could tell that a lot of Carats were sad that the Hip-Hop Unit performed Fire instead of LaLaLi but it was amazing still!

The atmosphere, especially in our more relaxed area, was great. People were singing along and jumping up and down and happy. It was a great feeling.

I know this text is very unorganized and jumping between themes but honestly I am too tired and I still have to think about a lot of my emotions. I don’t think I can watch the livestream/recording – honestly seeing that those rude people who were blocking space and behaved so egotistical all day (leaving thrash, holding signs despite them being forbidden, didn’t let others see their artist and were even respectless to the members’ personal space) get rewarded with interactions and actually seeing stuff while we were just fighting to get a glimpse of them in real life makes me feel sad and tired. It was my first K-Pop experience (except for The Rose which I am not sure if it counts) and I don’t know if I want to go to a concert again.

Before anybody comes at me: Yes, I know people waited in the hot sun for hours to see SEVENTEEN. They didn’t move from their spot just to see them. But honestly, it was just sick how they acted. We all want to see them and they ruined the whole vibe. I never want to be ashamed of my fandom but I was, I am. Because of some delulu-people we were hated by staff and other fans. Did I want to see Deine Freunde, Nothing but Thieves and Cro? Not really. Did I watch them either way because I knew otherwise I could give up on SEVENTEEN? Yeah. It’s crazy and I am sure as hell also part of the problem but did we get a choice? No. It’s not my fault I can’t see above people’s shoulders and god damn, the fucking signs that block the view? Fuck the people who think that’s okay!

Maybe it would have been a better experience if they had let SEVENTEEN play in the stadium itself – it had better capacity and views and people wouldn’t have blocked off so much space with waiting all day. But there were no screens inside so I don’t know…

But on a better note: The members were amazing!

S.Coups is just crazy while performing and he sure as hell knows how to let the team shine, meaning he barely spoke.

Jeonghan was often in focus and still very quiet. You could see him fighting not to cry over his last SEVENTEEN’s stage and members were constantly hugging him.

Joshua, as a translator for them, was often shown as well and damn, he just has the vibes. You could tell he had fun.

Hoshi, damn, I still don’t get how he can so easily make people fall in love with him – he is just a born entertainer! Props to his stylist too, the blue leopard hair? Damn!

Wonwoo, as Wonwoo is, was very silent but he killed all his parts. However, he truly was only shown on his parts so I can’t say much about him.

Woozi seemed a bit off? Maybe he was jet-lagged, maybe he was overheating in his long clothes, but he seemed exhausted. He killed his parts but he was soaked in sweat from the very beginning and I was kinda worried (but maybe that’s also my sickfic-brain, which I kinda hate rn since I really don’t want to project that on the members in real life). However, he danced with Seungkwan when they left the stage which was pretty sweet.

Minghao was cute, so cute. He was having fun and vibing and though not as present as other members, he was very nice on the eyes. However, not his fault at all, but his make-up barely matched his skin...

DK is, as expected, just a ball of sunshine! He is so damn talented and you could see how much fun he was having. He kept smiling all the time and he truly looked so happy.

Mingyu, damn, I get why he is a fan-favorite, I do! He was doing a lot of interactions and well, you could tell whenever he was on screen without looking, cause people kept screaming.

Seungkwan was hands down the one who drew me in most. You could tell how genuinely happy he was about seeing the fans and performing and he just killed it! See thrives on the love he receives and I am willing to fight anybody who makes his smile go away.

Vernon, woah, just woah. He was so very, very present and he has just a crazy stage presence. It was fun to see him enjoy himself.

Dino, my child, was distracted during the beginning ments which was funny as hell and he just had fun. You can tell who he really loves dancing and how his hyungs kept hyping him up was very lovely too see.

All those opinions are obviously fabricated by the fact that I could only see what the camera has shown us but I can’t be completely wrong, I think!

In conclusion: I had fun and it was nice to hear SEVENTEEN live but I am very disappointed in the K-Pop community. Maybe K-Pop isn’t for festivals, maybe they should have had a different concept but I don’t think the fear of the crowd and they way some fans act makes even hearing my favs live worth it. Basically, I was there but it didn’t feel that way at all. I heard them live and I saw them on a big screen which was really cool! But it doesn’t even really feel like I was there – I could just have watched a recording on my laptop too. I could do without the yells of “Omg, I am going to pass out” and “O, I think I am having a stroke, I am so happy” – it’s ridiculous?

Before I am done, I know I have been very critical and maybe that is my post-concert/post-festival depression and maybe the fact that I was pretty annoyed with Carats the whole day – but I really don’t mean to insult anyone. It’s just how I perceived things and I know others may have had different experiences! I want to underline the fact, that I don’t blame the members for anything that happened, they can’t do anything about it. It’s not Mingyu’s fault I was annoyed with his fans! I just wish the love Carats (and K-Pop fans in general) have for their groups be more equally shown. Have your favorites? That’s fine. But just cheering for one member is just awful. Do I stan all members equally? No, I think you all know that I am very much a Woozi and Seungkwan fan, but I sure as hell cheered for all members.

Honestly, the best thing was the interaction with the Carats who enjoyed the freebies and we talked with for some time! There are so many nice people out there and thank you for making Lollapalooza enjoyable!

Have Aju Nice and Jeonghan and DK!