#honestly got so carried away with this thing

[inheritedbelly]

The Weight of a New Life

"Raine… Raine," I said, my voice sounding much deeper, but I assumed it was just because I was still sleepy. "For God's sake, turn to your side! You're snoring so loud, like a tractor! Raine?" I reached out, expecting to find my girlfriend's slender shoulder, but instead, I touched a sweaty, hairy, and broad shoulder. I widened my eyes in shock. Between me and her, the first thing I noticed was a huge, rigid belly. No, a mountain of belly!

"Raine?! What the hell is this?!" I tried to jump up—or at least I attempted to—but my body felt like it weighed a ton. I collapsed back onto the bed, my round belly resting heavily on my legs. My skin looked aged, and my arms were covered in gray hair. As I turned to my side, a body rolled over—it was a man, just as old and big as I was. My mind raced: "Raine?!" It had to be her. The transformation must have happened to both of us. "Raine!" I yelled, my voice hoarse and deep. "We… we’re old men!"

She blinked, still confused, and brought her hands to her face. As soon as she felt the rough beard with her fingers, she quickly pulled her large, calloused hand away. Her tongue brushed against the thick mustache now sitting above her lips. "No!! Nooooo!!!"

She turned to the side, saw my new form, and froze in shock. Horrified, she rolled out of bed, standing up with her hands pressed against the enormous, hairy belly now hanging from her frame.

"What happened to us?!"

I wanted to run to her, to comfort her, but the moment I tried to get up, I realized it was going to be a battle. My legs felt like tree trunks, my back ached as if I’d carried a truck, and the heavy, drooping belly had completely shifted my center of gravity. "We’re… our neighbors?"

That’s when we realized that, somehow, we had become the old neighbors who owned the flower shop in the building. Later, we found a letter explaining everything. They had stolen our bodies and taken over our lives! They ran away before we woke up and told no one in the building where they had gone...

The following weeks were a nightmare. Raine, once a beautiful and refined girl, was now a man named Mario (according to the documents we found) and went into a crisis."Tomas, I look horrible! Look at this, I have a penis, and I can’t even see it because of this huge belly!"

"Welcome to my world, darling! We’re in the same boat," I grumbled. "My name is Alfredo now, apparently, and I have a belly so big it looks like it could swallow a horse whole."

I had to teach things that, honestly, I never thought I’d have to explain to Raine, like how to shave (she cut her face about twenty times) or how to pee like a man. Although, given the way we were now, we could only pee sitting down.

"This is disgusting, Tomas," she yelled as I tried to explain how to clean herself in the shower.

On my end, I was suffering too. Climbing the stairs in this building without an elevator was a challenge. And bending down to pick something off the floor felt like trying to fold a refrigerator. The worst part was showering; my belly was so big I had to lift it just to reach certain parts.

"Can you see your feet? Or have you accepted you’ll never tie your shoes again?" I asked Raine, trying to be funny.

After a few months, we gave up hoping the two would return and undo the swap. But honestly, what sense would it make? Giving up a young life to come back to this heavy one… "So, this is it," Raine said one night while we sat on the couch, shirtless, with her lying on top of me. "You’re not going to leave me? Even now that I’m a hairy, fat man?"

I looked at her — or rather, at him, at Mario. Her eyes, even in a wrinkled and chubby face, were still the eyes of the Raine I loved. I sighed, stroking her belly (she loved that now) "I never wanted to leave you. I still love you, Raine… or should I say Mario! I love you, and honestly, I still find you attractive, even as a 60-year-old man, haha."

She smiled and got up. We tried to kiss, but our bellies collided — it was like a natural airbag.

"I still need to get used to this part," she said, laughing.

"Yeah, I guess we’ll have to adjust. But honestly, it’s not that bad. The two of us, eating whatever we want, not working too hard, living a quiet life," I replied as she — or rather, he — leaned in to kiss me, successfully this time.

[ladykailitha]

The Good Elf Part 2

Here we are already with part two!!!

Eddie takes Steve out on his first taste of real Christmas! Snowpeople making!!!

Part 1

~

The first job I tried for the Last Little Elf was making and decorating the snowpeople that would add a festive cheer to the front of the workshop.

It was a simple enough task, I thought.

It was not meant to be.

I came back from feeding the reindeer to a bunch of unhappy elves and the Little One in middle looking lost and upset. They had tried so hard to make them perfect. Too hard. The elves parted and revealed the misshapen, half-melted creatures that would have been more at home at Halloween or a long-running Sunday morning comic.

With a little bit of love and lot of magic we were able to salvage about half of a dozen of the snowpeople and got them looking fresh and festive.

“I’m sorry, Santa sir.”

I shook my head. “It’s all right. We just haven’t found your talent yet.”

~

Steve had taken his own car down to Hawkins instead of having Murray take him in the company car because he honestly didn’t know what Eddie had planned. All he was told was to dress warm and wear the warmest gloves you owned. He pulled up to the tree nursery and Eddie was waiting for him out in front.

He was bundled up in all black, which Steve thought a little strange for a man who loved Christmas, but he didn’t say anything.

Eddie bounded up to the car and Steve rolled down the window.

“You made it!” he said brightly. “Nice car. You have a couple of options. Follow me to location or come with me in my van?”

Steve blushed darkly. “I’ll just follow you if that’s okay?” He really didn’t know this guy and not having a way to get away if things went wrong, didn’t sit right with him.

“Sounds great!” Eddie enthused. “We’ll be meeting up with some of those friends of mine, so I hope you’re fine with a bunch of teenagers.”

“Teenagers?” Steve asked, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Yeah, they’re a bunch of great kids,” Eddie said warmly. “First you’ll be talking to one of the moms. Claudia Henderson runs a catering business so she’ll help with the food side of all it.”

Steve instantly relaxed. “Oh okay. Sure. Lead the way.”

Eddie just smiled and patted the roof of the car. He walked back into the office and then came back out carrying a small grocery bag and a box. He opened the passenger side of his van and put the items in it before hopping in himself.

Steve watched all this wondered how ridiculous he must look, creepily watching this guy. Then he pulled into traffic behind him.

He was led to this beautiful house with a ginormous yard. There were a couple of cars out front and loud, rambunctious laughter. He pulled to a stop behind Eddie and took a deep breath. He stepped out of the car when Eddie came up to it.

“Let’s go meet the Hendersons!” Eddie said gleefully.

Steve followed him up the house and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Tell my why I had to be all bundled up if we were just going to someone’s house?”

Eddie burst out laughing and then knocked on the door. “After you get the catering squared away, we are making snowpeople. It snowed the good stuff last night and it’s perfect packing snow.”

“Snowpeople not snowmen?” Steve asked with a raised eyebrow.

Eddie opened his mouth to answer when the door opened. There stood a kid with even wilder curly hair than Eddie. He smiled broadly and gave Eddie a hug.

“Hey, man!” the kid said brightly. “You made it!” He looked over at Steve. “You must be the one who’s coming to see about Ma’s cooking. Come on in. She’s got everything laid out in the kitchen for you.”

Eddie rubbed his hands together gleefully. “Dusty! Did she do the sample testers again?”

Dustin just shook his head and led them further into the house and the first thing Steve noticed was how good everything smelled. He couldn’t pinpoint exactly what the smell was, it just smelled like Christmas.

When they got to the kitchen it was filled with teenagers of every stripe. There was a pale, freckled, red head cuddling up with a tall black boy. Two even taller, gangly, dark haired youths lounging against the counter deep in conversation. The final pair were the volunteer from the tree nursery and another girl, again dark curly hair and all too knowing eyes.

Eddie introduced them around. Max and Lucas, Mike and Will, and Ellie and of course Robin, he remembered.

They were all waiting on Steve to go through the samples because whatever he didn’t like they got to feast on the rest. Which that part took no time at all. Steve went through any allergies or food sensitivities people at work might have. There were no religious exceptions, thankfully.

Then once the food had been consumed, the check and contract signed, and the mess cleared away everyone piled out of the house into the backyard.

It was even bigger than it looked from the road. It was Calvin and Hobbes dream. Just one and half acres of pure white snow. And it was about to be defiled by teenagers. Steve felt a pang of regret at that, but he pushed it away. It was meant for them to have fun.

Eddie goes back to his van and pulls out the box and grocery bag from earlier and marches up to the kids. “All right I brought all the supplies, it’s time to make our snowpeople. The rules are as follows pick a buddy or two but no singles! You’re going to need help lifting the second ball on to your first. No stealing someone else’s patch of snow. So if looks like they’re moving forward, you don’t get to cut in front of them. Then when everyone is done we decorate them with the stuff I brought. I have carrots and radishes for noses, cool rocks and things for the eyes...” he started going through the box, “hats and scarfs and things like that. But if you want arms you’ve got to go hunting for your own. Again! No poaching!”

There was some grumbling but everyone agreed. Mike, Will and Ellie were one group, Lucas and Max were another and Eddie picked Steve. Which left Robin with Dustin.

Steve didn’t know either of them but from the looks of dismay on everyone’s faces when they realized was a pretty clear indication this was not going to go well. For either of them.

And Steve was right. Immediately they started arguing about proper rolling techniques. Robin was for roll for a few feet and then turn. Dustin was livid. He was shouting that she had to turn the ball every time it was pushed forward.

“That was a mistake,” Eddie said with a sigh. “But it’s too late now, I don’t know of anyone who would be willing to swap.”

Steve looked over at them and shook his head. “I’ve got a couple of co-workers like that. Too smart for their own good, louder than anyone else.”

Eddie laughed and clapped Steve on the shoulder. “Have you ever built a snowman before?”

“No,” Steve said shaking his head. “My mom wanted a pristine lawn and I wasn’t even allowed to go roll around in it and they always removed the snow from the schools I went to stop us kids from starting snowball fights.”

Eddie blinked at him for a moment. “That’s really, really sad. So buckle up, buttercup! I’m going to show you how to make the best snowman possible!”

Steve just shrugged. Winter time was always stark white or grey sludge.

Eddie started telling Steve about all the snowmen he used to make growing up. And how he had this one neighbor who liked to take a baseball bat to the middle snowball and wreck the hell out of it.

“So I got a bag of charcoal wrapped up into a nice round shape,” Eddie said with barely contained glee, “and rolled it in the snow. So that when he hit again he got an explosion of black dust everywhere!”

“Oh my god!” Steve cackled. “What happened next?”

“He tried to sue me and my Uncle Wayne,” Eddie said with with a wide grin. “For emotional distress and damage to his bat and clothes. We counter-sued for him trespassing and all the other snowmen he destroyed. It’s how Uncle Wayne was able to buy the nursery.”

“Was that something you wanted or...” Steve hedged. He bent to help Eddie push the ball in the snow as it had just gotten big enough for two hands.

Eddie chuckled. “Thank you for your concern. But no, we both are really good with plants. Sometimes better than with humans and being able to open up our place was a dream for both of us.”

Steve smiled. They kept working on their snowman and finally they were done. They looked around and saw that other than Robin and Dustin who were still arguing about how big their second ball should be (Dustin was yelling something about the proper ratio), Eddie and Steve were the last to finish.

So when they went to the box it was pretty picked over. They could make a face, but nothing to truly decorate it with. So Eddie added his beanie.

“There!” he said proudly. “Now he has a hat!”

Steve cocked his head to the side. “I think it needs something else.” He took off his dark blue, cashmere scarf and wrapped it around the snowman.

“Perfe–” Eddie began but was cut off by snowball hitting him square in the chest.

He looked down at his chest like he had been shot and then up at the culprit. Dustin had a wide-eyed frightened expression on his face.

“Oh shit!” he muttered, covering his mouth with his hands. “I wasn’t trying to hit you, man. I swear it. I was just–”

Then he was cut off by Steve throwing a snowball at him. That startled a laugh out of Eddie and then suddenly an all out war broke out.

Allegiances were made and broken. Allies lost and found. Snow flying everywhere!

Eddie couldn’t stop smiling at the laughter that was coming from Steve. For someone who had never had a real snowball fight, he sure was getting into it.

They ducked behind the Max and Lucas snowwoman for cover.

“Damn, Stevie,” Eddie huffed, trying to catch his breath. “You’ve one hell of an arm. Where did you learn to throw like that?”

Steve laughed out loud, his eyes crinkling with mirth. “I was like in almost every sport available in public schools. Basketball, swimming. Tried out for football but I was too light and the coach thought I would get pulverized. But the one I had the most fun, was being the pitch hitter and pitcher for my school’s baseball team.”

“A jock, I should have known!” Eddie said mournfully. “Well, our opponents include another basketball player, a skateboarder, and the rest are nerds. So... in theory we should be able to win no trouble.”

“What about you?” Steve said with a huff of laughter. “What do you bring to this partnership?”

“I’ll have you know that I’m a guitar player for my very serious metal band,” he said with a low whistle, “and let me tell you those things are heavy. Plus all the lifting I do at the nursery.”

Steve nodded. “You’re a heavy, short range hitter and I’m a light and fast speed hitter. Got it.” He poked his head around the snowman for a a second or three and then ducked back down. “When I say go, jump straight up and throw it as hard as you can. Okay?”

Eddie nodded, packing together another snowball.

Steve ducked around the snowwoman again and then turned to him. “Go!”

Eddie jumped up and threw two balls in rapid succession, pelting Lucas in the chest, dead center of mass. Eddie cackled when he saw the shocked expression on Lucas’s face. “Well done, Stevie!”

Steve grinned as he rose to throw his snowball, then it happened like it was in slow motion. Robin drew her arm back as far as it would go and let it fly. As it sailed into the air, its intended target, Dustin bent down to scoop up more snow for his own ammunition. The snowball flew over him and continued its arc. Straight into Steve’s face with a sickening smack.

Everyone froze.

Steve reached up to wipe away the snow and it came away red.

“Shit.”

Eddie looked up at him and muttered, “Shit.”

He leapt to his feet and grabbed Steve’s hand, hauling him inside for tissues and ironically an ice pack.

His coat was ruined. The tan overcoat was sprinkled with blood like a ritual sacrifice. Claudia had tried to rescue it bit it was no use.

“Oh my god,” Robin was babbling, “I’m so sorry! I wasn’t trying to break your face. I’m really sorry. Let me pay for a new coat at least. Oh my god!”

She had apparently spotted the river of blood in the skin as Claudia work tirelessly to get the worst of it out so Steve could go home. Claudia rushed to grab her before she fainted.

Robin put her head between her legs and was forced to breathe rhythmically to stop her from hyperventilating.

“Well shit, Stevie,” Eddie said shaking his head, “I guess your first snowman and snowball fight was a bust.”

Eddie and Steve stared at each other for a moment as they both realized what he just said. And then both broke out laughing.

~

1- @itsall-taken @redfreckledwolf @zerokrox-blog @sadisticaltarts @dolphincliffs

2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @cryptid-system @kultiras

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @dreamercec @blondie1006

5- @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @genderless-spoon @fearieshadow @thesecondfate

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

8- @gutterflower77 @a-lovely-craziness @just-a-tiny-void @w1ll0wtr33 @beelze-the-bubkiss

9- @steddieislife

[bean-spring]

I've seen a lot of people talking about the Jayce/Mel conversation in act 3 and how Jayce is right to have snapped at her because she was manipulating him. Or how he is the most awful man alive for doing so and not asking how she is because she certainly needs someone too. "Mel's manipulative", "Jayce is selfish", etc etc etc.

But people fail to realize that they're two damaged people who have been through life-changing experiences all of a sudden with nobody else to rely on and they handle things differently and, although some of them it is wrong, reacting incoherently is pretty much understandable.

Mel has just realized she's always had this power within her she doesn't know how to control yet. They're choosing her own blood and fate for her, instead, when all she's ever wanted to do is to do it for herself. She unconsciously protected Jayce in the explosion and now she's being blamed for it, too. Now that she finally has the chance to rely on someone she loves and trusts, Jayce is out of it too. And it's messed up and she probably must've felt like shit, to put it plainly. BUT!

I can also see why Jayce would have snapped. Sometimes (and wow, it might sound wild for some of you) people say... Things they don't mean... Or fully believe!!! Jayce has been for god knows how long on his own going through the most traumatic experience of his life and dealing with his lonely, angry, depressing intrusive thoughts. So of course he wants someone to blame. Of course he needs to take out the anger somehow. And it's not okay, don't get me wrong, but I can see why it's Mel. Because after all, it's the easiest thing to do. And after all, they both have used each other (unconsciously. Perhaps on a deeper level and in the very blurry line between work and romance) and I think what Jayce says is true for him at that moment and he is feeling that way, but not really. And they end up making up and coming to terms with their relationship in the end. BUT! (again)

Mel also would have had all the right to snap at him for not giving a single fuck about her. She clearly had gone through her own hell too and he did nothing but attack her. She saved him, even if unconsciously, and now he complains about not saving Viktor too, as if she could control it. He mentions how she used him and Viktor for hextech but... That's her job. And it's not like Jayce wasn't taking benefits from the relationship either. Things got carried away when romance came between them tbh and "they both sort of used each other unconsciously for benefits (aka metaphor for science vs politics)" and "they truly loved and cared for each other" are things that can coexist. And not to mention Jayvik here but yes, even if you ship Jayvik and even if there were parallelisms and Jayce saw Viktor in her, he still loved her. For someone to be so confused and project these feelings there has to be some sort of love there, too, that theory doesn't erase the love they had.

But then again, going full circle, I understand why Jayce would snap at her because emotionally he was feeling like shit and honestly from his POV it's pretty much possible that he could see their situation as Mel being the one to blame at the moment. Even if she isn't and- [going in circles, going in circles...]

So long story short, I highly doubt there are rights and wrongs in this scene. It's just a damaged Jayce snapping at Mel for something he believes is true after going through a traumatic experience and Mel righteously seeking comfort after the same thing.

So if I see another take on this that isn't "they're both so hurt and they hurt each other in some ways and people just tend to act irrationally" I will riot

[necrotic-nephilim]

what's fun about shipping Tim with Dick, Jason, or Damian is he has, at some point, hallucinated all of them to comfort himself. even when he doesn't like them or particularly get along with them, he has to imagine/hallucinate them just so he has the power to go on. Tim's concepts of the Robin mantle and what it should be is so fun, because he respects the others through the Robin mantle. Tim worships Dick because he was the first Robin. he wouldn't be Robin if Jason hadn't died in the mantle. and a lot of his frustration with Damian is he feels Damian isn't honoring the mantle correctly. when you ship Tim with the other Robins you can't divorce their identities as Robin from it because Tim will always see them as a Robin first and that's so fun and fucked up. like.

batman (1940) #456

Tim perceiving Dick as *Robin* cheering him on, not Nightwing, which is the version of Dick that Tim actually knows? that's just. wild of him. he will always view Dick as Robin first, his personal hero but also the original of the legacy. his love for Dick is shaped by that.

and then of course, even when he's hallucinating/imagining Jason cheering him on, it's *still* through the lense of being reminded how Jason failed? subconsciously believing that Jason got himself killed because of his actions, and that being a lesson for Tim to learn from? Jason isn't a person to Tim, he's a moral lesson about how to be Robin. any potential idolization he could have of Jason isn't because he loves Jason, it's because of the lessons Jason's death taught him.

and then, even though him hallucinating TIm is from the New-52, which makes characterization all kinds of questionable, i do think it makes sense for TIm to hallucinate/imagine Damian after Damian's death in an attempt to cope with it.

teen titans (2011) #18

to an extend, he sees Damian's death as in part his own fault. and even hating Damian, Tim needs the comfort from this to cope with Damian being gone. he's angry that Damian even was Robin, and has to learn something from Damian's death and how it impacts the Robin mantle, and teenage heroes as a whole. like, Tim can pretend he hates Damian all he wants, even getting taunted by the image of Damian, but there's still an underlying love to their relationship.

i think that's just the fun of shipping Tim with any of them. you will never divorce Tim's views of them from the Robin mantle and how fucking Unwell he is about anyone else who's been Robin before or after him, to the point he has to hallucinate them comforting him when he's at his lowest. it's always going to be a little unhealthy, a little toxic, and driven by Tim's relationship with being Robin as well. i need more Tim being weird about Robin in these ships.

[ratcorner]

guar guar guar!!!

[ID. A digital Illustration of a Guar from The Elder Scrolls. The guar is being pet by a Khajiit, the two illuminated by a lantern tied to a silt strider leg. End ID.]

[capricioussun]

Started this sometime around late February and wanted to do more w/ it before posting (more expressions, started a walk cycle too) but I noticed it in my files and I’m impatient lol

I wanted to explore a sort of “classic d/sney” vibe with him, and eventually the others too, and this is my first attempt before doing actual studies. For Stretch I’m probably going to draw most from Milo Thatch and Roger Dearly 👍

[north-wilkesboro-moonshine-cave]

congratulations to Mme. Pascale Leclerc, who has surely just experienced both the funniest and most unhinged weekend a mother could ever have. Dear fucking christ, I hope your middlest son brought you a bottle of champagne for yourself, ma'am.

[oceanwithouthermoon]

ive been unhealthily fixated on kubosai for the past few weeks, i just have no idea how to put it into words. kuboyasu aren and saiki kusuo are in love btw

[giulzart]

Velvet Solstice & Violet Rose

Template by @cozmiccore for @infamous-if

[castieldelamancha]

Castiel steals another glance from where he is sitting propped against the passenger seat door. Dean doesn't notice, lost as he is in the road stretching for miles and miles ahead of them, lost as he is in the music coming softly from the speakers.

He looks so beautiful like this, glowing in the sunset, as a memory of what Castiel could see when he was able to see his soul. His freckles are way more visible now with the summer sunlight kissing them almost as much as Castiel himself every day, his hair is a spiky mess, just like Cas left it while they shared a breathtaking kiss.

He looks relaxed, his eyes hidden under sunglasses, he bought the same pair for Cas, they are lost somewhere in the backseat he is sure of it.

He lets Dean's rough, deep, voice flood him, anchor him to the moment,

"And it's been the ruin of many a poor boy

And God, I know I'm one,"

He isn't singing too loud, careful not to wake him up.

Castiel closes his eyes again and just listens, for a while. He doesn't dare to open his eyes, as tempted as it is by the sight he knows awaits for him, he doesn't want Dean to stop in embarrassment.

Just a quick look.

Dean is drumming the fingers of his left hand on the wheel, he keeps singing, unaware of his audience or so it seems.

"I know you are awake." Dean doesn't sound too embarrassed, to Castiel's relief he sounds more amused than anything.

Before Castiel can apologize or say anything at all he is raising his arm, beckoning Cas to move closer with a muttered "c'mere, Cas."

He puts his arm around his shoulders once he is close enough, letting Castiel rest his head on his shoulder with a light kiss to the top of his head.

He keeps singing, his voice almost a whisper now, no need for more since they are pressed so close together. Castiel rest his hand on Dean's tight, squeezing lightly, his other hand reaching up to play with the fingers Dean's has splayed on his shoulder.

[readymades2002]

if i might bitch about work for a second: yesterday was hellishly bad despite being able to keep up with it and i found out that apparently our department made 4600 dollars yesterday which is making me angry beyond belieffffffff

[dangerous-disposition]

I think deliberately ignoring and spurning any attempts friends make to speak to you and then claiming no one cares about you when they move on isn't depression babe, thats you being a cunt. hope this helps

[minamill]

finished editing two posts from a few weeks ago and posting the first one tmrw, still not back back though

[red-dyed-sarumane]

my friend asked me to put together all the ways oumen & apoptosis are connected as songs today & i love those two so naturally ive been on this since i woke up & after really going thru the lyrics Yet Again i think i FINALLY have my answer about tenshi's song right.

so basically we know the nami no ne no motif from aru sekai shoushitsu being present in a song means whoever in the song is still a "person"/still has their free will & gets to continue into the next loop. standard info. in all the other songs this is mixed into the instrumental, the only times its sung are in shoushitsu of course & in oumen mokushiroku. didnt think much of it when the song first came out bc like yeah thats just whats in series songs. but more & more across various songs, shoushitsu, apoptosis, kanon, oumen itself it talks about sacrifice & implies that sacrifice was a permanent death. oumen as a whole is her not wanting to accept that sacrifice role, she doesn't have a choice in it, but she doesnt want it either, (& apoptosis being it was originally that girl who was supposed to be the sacrifice but she pushed it off on someone else, therefore is the reason tenshi's song goes the way it does in the first place)

so then why does she have the motif if everything else including her herself say that she dies permanently.

i propose to u my newest theory.

the whole song is her wishing she had more time, not wanting to do it, she wants to live. so. since she's specifically singing it. im willing to bet its a last wish of hers. that somehow, someway, she still has enough free will to counteract the act of sacrifice, if she wishes hard enough, if she holds enough of her own desires, then maybe against everything, she'll get to live on into the next loop. basically, not a sign that she Does live, rather, just that she desperately WANTS to

[salsflore]

[aeide-thea]

[fic crit, amatonormativity (blogger's own) cw]

revisited a story that i remembered really enjoying, but have had difficulty digging up for a reread because, as it turns out, it's a good 200 pages deep in the relevant pairing tag, and—

turns out that i do still really dig it, and also that the other thing i remembered about it is equally still true, which is that it totally fails to really resolve the emotional side of things! like, it's a fic full of Plot and briefly- but vividly-drawn OCs, and people from the main characters' pasts who show up in ways that work for the story but are also random enough to lend verisimilitude, and we get to see the elements of the foil's day-to-day life—what keeps them busy and burnished when they're not off Adventuring with our protagonist—in generous, engaging detail, and all of that remains really satisfying and compelling to me; but it's billed as a fic ft. a pairing, and yet all we see of that is an established, undiscussed level of ambiguous intimacy that's lovely and warm but queerplatonic at absolute most, and doesn't get tied into any sort of bow by the end, even a friendly one.

and the thing is—there's absolutely nothing wrong with that! if it weren't for the pairing tag i probably wouldn't even find it unsatisfying: it'd just be lovely warm plotty genfic, and i'd enjoy the hell out of it! but i am, for better or for worse, amatonormative enough that when i see a story with a pairing tag, i do personally expect some combination of Romance Feelings and/or sex to appear on the page, unless the author's notes inform me the relationship is queerplatonic or similarly asterisked, and having that expectation go unmet feels like a disappointment even when the fic is on all other fronts the opposite of disappointing. which i'm fully ready to accept is my own failing, rather than the story's! but. idk. pondering and processing. :)