#honestly felt like i was dying
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me @ me: can we uhhh never do that again????
#.txt#possible tw in the tags?#pretty much traumatized almost whole family#for some context: ended up just waking up feeling horrible#ended up getting ‘sick’#went back to sleep#woke up around 7 and everything went completely downhill#i had like a massive tic attack#i don’t have any tic disorder that i’m aware of#it’s not everday or consistent to be diagnosed as anything#not sure if it’s any medicine i’m taking#i’ve had tics in the past#sorry if that isn’t the right word to use#i’m not sure what else to describe it as#also i had uncontrollable crying#then got ‘sick’ again#honestly felt like i was dying#i was offered to be taken somewhere#but was honestly terrified of how they would treat me#they probably would’ve assumed i was on illicit drugs#or i was seeking attention#probably sent me back home or put me somewhere in a psych unit#or would blame it on like tiktok because doctors have actually been doing that#especially to girls…#i think i would rather off myself than to go to a doctor#the mental recovery is gonna be difficult#the guilt and shame is already setting in#im so depressed rn#i wish it could’ve happened silently at least#so nobody would have had to witness it
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Silver Week day 8: Happy Birthday!
Pretty much all cards were stacked against me this week, from lack of motivation to getting ill. But I’ve done so much! 7th prompt had to be skipped for the sake of myself, but I’m still so proud of what I’ve managed to do! Thanks for sticking with me to the end 😊
Happy hellgame anniversary, Silver! ^^
Bonus bc alcohol jokes will never be below my standards
Oh? And who’s this 0 polygon titted, unidentified flying maiden?
#SilverWeek24#I am DYING with my head held HIGH#seven out of eight is NOT what I expected to end up drawing#I honestly felt like I’d lose out by day 4 but here I am! yippee!#silver the hedgehog#rouge the bat#whoops sorry I mean aunt roo-roo haha I’m such a clumsy typer ☺️#i just tricked y’all into liking seven au silver posts. how do you feel#when this gets posted it’ll be 14 (2 pm) where I live. yknow. bc it’s the 14th#I’m so silly
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the gang!!!!!!!!
#high school story#hss#hss mc#hss prime#hss art#pixelberry#i actually finished it. oh my god.#honestly felt like dying while trying to draw these guys#but i had fun. i think.
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My thoughts on the game are all over the place at the moment. I'm at 100 hours and I still haven't finished (to be fair some of that time is me returning to maps with no quests hoping to find something new)
I'm so torn on it. I really do love a lot about it, and I don't think it's a bad game. On the contrary, I think it is for the most part, stunning. On the other hand, I get really bad vibes from it too. It feels like the series I knew is dying, and veilguard is the nail in the coffin.
I know that sounds dramatic, but I'm well aware senior staff have been laid-off, people who care about this series, the people who were here at the beginning - they're either gone or probably will soon be. I don't think I'm going to like where it goes from here if the mmo-adjacent elements and shallow companion quests/interactions are anything to go by.
It's frustrating, because I DO like the characters. I just wish it was a bit more.... mature. Bioware's writing style has always had a goofy slant to it - I know this! But there's no counterbalance here, imo. Or very little, at least.
Idk - take everything i say with a grain of salt. Just my tastes and feelings etc etc. I really loved Origins, and it's still my favourite game in the franchise. I guess I just hoped the series would go in a different direction.
#skip play da4#and even tho i say dao is still my favourite - i did like 2 and 3!#i had my criticisms ofc but they still felt like dragon age.#datv feels like dying and the MCU-fication of the series is going to take control of the corpse#honestly i'd be more optimistic if EA got bioware to start a new fantasy game series#at least then i wont have any attachment or expectations
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#98
“And lo! Here approaches my best knight,” the king announces to the jester as the knight squeezes through the door. The poor jester looks thankful to see her as he hurries out of the king’s gaze. “Come, show me your skill.”
The knight throws a few carefully angled swings for the king. He watches with a delighted expression, but she can see the soullessness in his eyes. Her stomach flips uncertainly.
“You are an excellent swordsman, knight,” he says flatly. “Now, tell me, why should I allow you to stay within my walls?”
The jester averts his gaze awkwardly. Is she about to get fired? “… Because I’m an excellent swordsman and your best knight,” she tries, and the king huffs in his telltale way of saying WRONG.
“Perhaps that was on me for being unspecific.” He picks up a wine glass from the golden table next to his throne, swirling it idly. “I hear you liaise with dragons.”
The knight’s attempt to keep her expression neutral fails miserably. The king watches with keen interest as her eyes widen and her mouth moves in an abysmal attempt to form some sort of defence. She’s acutely aware of the jester watching curiously too—whatever she says next will be the castle’s gossip for the next month. Maybe two if nothing of interest happens before then.
Well shit. Might as well fall into treason headfirst.
She reaches a hand into the front of her breastplate, earning a soft squeak from something inside. The king leans forward on his throne. The jester peers as close as he dares.
Her hand comes back with a short purple string laced around her fingers. Or she does at first glance, and closer inspection reveals her ribbon to be a tiny dragon, yawning and digging tiny claws into her fingers.
The king roars so loud the dragon startles. The knight and the jester don’t fare much better. “Beast!” he howls.
“Beast! Beast! Beast! Beast!” the room echoes back to them.
“You bring this creature within my walls?” he demands. “You slander my name—my rule—with your disregard to my kindness for you?”
“She’s harmless!” the knight cries over him. The dragon isn’t a fan of the racket, and is making a great effort to slip up her sleeve. “She looks after my finances.”
“Disgusting beast,” the king spits.
“The dragon,” the jester says quietly, valiantly ignoring the way the king’s stare snaps to him, “is your accountant?”
The knight fishes a coin from her pouch, gently tapping the dragon with its edge. Its gaze snaps to her gold, its past endeavour with her sleeve forgotten as it grapples for her coin. It twists its body around it excitedly, gnawing at the edge like a toddler, a quiet hum emitting from it as it does.
“That noise it is making,” the king shrieks, “it is going to attack!”
“No!” the knight shouts over him. “It’s like a cat—she’s purring. It means she’s happy.”
“Dragons do not purr,” the king retorts, but the dragon is undeniably making a noise that sounds remarkably like purring. The jester takes a cautious step closer.
The knight tucks her finger under her chin, giving it a hearty scratch. The dragon’s humming gets louder, her eyes closing blissfully at the touch.
“How does it… work?” the jester asks. The knight offers him a smile that she hopes conveys how grateful she is for his interest in the face of the king’s disgust.
“She takes my coins—my salary, my earnings, anything.” The knight adjusts her hand so the dragon sits more comfortably in her palm. She doesn’t seem to mind, too busy clamping her jaw around the gold to notice. “She keeps a hoard no one but her can find. I earned her trust, and whenever I need money she gives it to me.”
“She is a thief,” the king spits, but the rage is losing momentum in the face of such a cute little thing. The knight doesn’t miss how she’s suddenly not an ‘it’.
“I give her all the money she has. She’s just better at keeping money than most humans,” the knight says with a grin, “because she doesn’t spend it all in a tavern.”
The jester snorts. The king raises his eyebrows. Silence falls for a moment as they all watch the dragon get comfortable in the knight’s hand, her tiny body choking her coin, a claw wrapped around her thumb as she nestles in and closes her eyes.
The jester lets out a short “aww,” that’s louder than he probably intended.
“Tsch,” the king says. He leans back in his throne like he’s lost interest. “A beast is a beast. I am most displeased you were disloyal to my word, knight.”
“I apologise, your majesty,” the knight says. It’s all she can say, really. “I will fix things.”
“You… may keep the thing,” the king continues after a moment of intense deliberation. The knight attempts to not to look too surprised. The jester doesn’t even try. “But it is your accountant and nothing more. If I discover it torching my palace I will execute both it and you.”
“Accounting is what she’s best at, your majesty,” the knight says brightly. “You’ll never have to see her again.”
The king nods shortly, though his gaze is traitorously locked onto the purple ball in her hand. “I would not be adverse, knight,” the king says slowly, like he doesn’t quite want to, “if you felt it right to study. We did not know dragons purr, or like coin.”
“Your majesty?”
“Gather your resources and come back to me with knowledge of the beasts.” He waves a hand dismissively. “I will reconsider your treasonous actions if you can prove that your creature poses no threat to my rule or my people.”
A lot of questions are rattling through her brain. “Your majesty, what do—”
“That is all. Jester!” The king turns his attention away from her and back to the jester as he takes centrestage, looking a lot less stressed than before. He gives her a subtle nod and the lightest smile—a small gesture between the servants of the castle, a simple well done.
The knight leaves the hall with the king’s uproaring laughter following her. The dragon stays curled in her hand, and she runs her thumb over it carefully, the dragon’s body warm and prickly to the touch.
A knight to a scholar in one conversation. She doesn’t even know how to write.
#creative writing#writblr#writers on tumblr#writing#writing community#fantasci writing#fantasy writing#guess who got covid for the third fukn time#3????????? 3. 3 whole ass times#now. i know some people will not care about this. i know my coworkers sure dont#but i have seen the studies. chances of risk higher the more you get it etc etc#and on the first day i honestly felt like ASS and i still do!! ive had today off (yeehaw!) cause i feel like im dying!! (not yeehaw!)#wish me luck yall im so goddamn ill and im so goddamn mad about it#ive tried to do a lil writing through it but i aint all there in my head atm#so if i suddenly start posting the weirdest most incoherent stupid shit known to man. i wrote it with covid. sorry
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finished rewatching Arcane again. cried my eyes out AGAIN
#spoilers ahead!! (tho rly go watch it final seasons coming out next week!$#but i LOVE how well writtev every. character is the intertwining motives the interactions everything!#the ONLY thing i hate is that final scene#like that dinner party one idk it felt forced bro#i love Silco dying by Jinx's hand it's poetic BUT i wish it was done differently#obv i still cried at the 'don't cry you're perfect' but and Silco is honestly my fave character SO well written#and i get the parallel of him being tied up bc he feels his hands are tied when it comes to Jinx and how he would t put up a fight anyway#but her PURPOSELY choosing to kill him would've felt more impactful imo#him sacrifising himself for her would be nice too but maybe too much idk#just. hmmm idk ill revisit why i didnt like that scene later on#it was so so good until that bit but its still a 10/10 show for me anyway#i love characters with fucked up family dynamics 🥹#arcane#burrito talks#delete later
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That one post of my mine predictably aged like fine wine. Never let somebody on comic twitter in the writer's room😭😭😭 Like imagine a 1 to 1 adaptation of literally any event?? -1b at the box office. "Who are these people???"
#Anywayyy I'm writing a retelling of DC and it is honestly so fun to imagine the characters in a new but familiar light#Like the biggest reason why I was never interested in writing fanfic before 2 months ago is because I never felt like those characters were#I felt... uncomfortable writing it not because i thought fanfic was bad or anything but because I felt it was weird to write for example#“XYZ DID THIS AND DID THAT AND DID THIS” like maybe he did?? I wouldn't know I don't know him like his creator!!!#But comic characters feel like more flexible due to the many interpretations over the years but firm enough where I can decide how to take#Certain traits and minimize them or expand on them#Also 1 to 1 adaptations suck balls to write. I'm not sure if that's universal but the whole fun of writing is coming up with new ideas#Writing a straight adaptation would be kind of writing a translation into a new medium. Which isn't bad. Novelization are literally those#But a common sentiment among writers I've seen is that Novelizations aren't that fun either unless you get to experiment either#Adapting comics into a new format and retelling them is kind of hell because you have all these intersecting plotlines and insane events#That's just tangled up in a story with a timeline that literally makes its contradictions into plot lines. But it's FUN coming up with ways#To condense a character's origin and sort of rewire it into the story you want to tell. Because yeah I think a lot of people miss is#that at end of the day#you tell stories about people and their struggles. You need to find a way to fit those moments of joy sadness love.#Like a movie about Jason Todd being RH will never be emotional as Jason Todd dying because you'll have less time to feel the love and pain#that Bruce felt for him. Like sure#flashbacks and exposition but that can only go so far. At the end of the day#It will always be about RH vs Batman. That's what people came to see. But that's not all Jason is. He was Robin before he was RH. A 1 to 1#Adaptation will never translate that to screen. Plus you (sadly) have shared universes now and a movie can only jump around in time so much#For example in my fic if I wanted to add Tim and faithful to his source material I would need to add so MUCH about Jason death#About like Bruce grieving without skipping all over that and missing the human element. It would severely mess up pacing.#I don't know i love how adaptations can make you see the characters in a new light or elevate the source material#Iwtv my beloved doesn't adapt the books exactly but reimagined in it a way that I like much more#Anyway this proves my point about comic fans being weirdly childish and omfg I hate to use this term...anti intellectual 😮💨😮💨😮💨#Everyone who writes or yknow reads should like understand this on a fundamental level. One to one adaptations are safe but boring.#Like the Psycho remake was bad not because it made bad changes but it barely made any changes.#Anyway watch amc iwtv to understand good adaptations better than your average comic stan on twtter#Not a rant I just love discussing adaptations#Long tags
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Actually, on the topic of the baby fever. God it's so frustrating. Bc when I was like 14 ish I was Adamant that I never ever wanted kids. And my dad said smth around the lines of "that'll likely change" (probably from his own experience with this) and I was like NO. it WONT.
And then eventually, age 21-22 ish, I admitted that Okay, I still don't want to have my own kids, but someday maybe I'll adopt...
And Now, 27 years old, I got the general baby fever on occasion. It Did fucking change. And I don't know if I actually WILL bother with having my own kid (I still don't want to go through the hassle and massive body changes). But god. I do see a fucking baby and feel that stab of longing. It's almost like my damned hormones betrayed me or smth. Maddening!
I shall simply write fanfic about it.
#speculation nation#pregnancy ment/#honestly though i hadnt felt the wish to have my own until after my dad died#and i realized just how small our family is getting. and just felt this stab of NEED. to continue the line. continue the family.#my family's fucking dying around me i need to add to it. need more family. yknow?#so i dont actually know if this is. because of hormones or because of grief or What#but it was enough for me to put the hysterectomy idea on hold. bc id been genuinely considering it back in like. april? or so.#but then this happened and now im like. fuck dude. i dont know. but the uncertainty's enough to keep me from doing it.#yeah i dont wanna deal with periods anymore. but also. i need more time to decide.#i think no matter what i do want to raise kids someday. once im more stable (financially and emotionally)#but whether thats adoption or putting myself thru fuckin body torture. well i'll just have to decide. later.#maybe the deciding factor will be my own body aging lol. if i wait too long. my body will decide for me. who knows!#i Have thought about what id do if i got accidentally pregnant. especially relevant back when i was sleeping with a trans woman#and used to be id abort no hesitation. but well. i mean abortions illegal here anyways rn so id have to go to another state#but if i decided it i could make it work. it's not That far of a trip.#but. when i thought about it. the concern was less about the theoretical baby. and more about finishing school.#thinking 'man itd be fucking awful to finish school if i got pregnant right now'. but not. hesitating over the baby.#if i was out of school and relatively stable and i got accidentally pregnant. then. well. Maybe.#so me doing my dad vash au where he gets accidentally pregnant and goes all in with it#thats me. sorting out my feelings on it i guess. putting them somewhere.#idk. it's a lot to think about. i dont want to condemn a child to my genetic problems. but at the same time...#i dont know. To Be Decided Later.
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A recent series of volcanic eruptions causes the Sun to rise in astonishing colours over the vast Pangaean deserts. An Inostrancevia family gets ready for the day, the cubs playing with everything in sight, from their mother to a very dismayed Dvinia. A little way away, a Vivaxosaurus browses a shrub for breakfast.
#inostrancevia#dvinia#vicaxosaurus#gorgonopsid#therapsid#synapsid#cynodont#dicynodont#permian#paleoart#my art#desert#red#the great dying#honestly the volcanism is just an excuse i felt like going ham with my reds on a desert#the extinction took a very long time btw all of these animals will be fine during their own lifetimes#palaeoblr
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Minor thing that really irks me is when people treat the femc route in p3 portable as like the lesser story or like it’s a fanfic where nothing that happens in it is the “true” canon like. Bitch. The femc and everything that happens in her version of the story is just as canon as the male protagonist and everything that happens in his story. And there’s literally been so many fucking versions of p3 at this point like the base game, fes, portable, the movies, stage plays, reload, as well as spinoffs and manga and they all do things differently. I don’t see anyone acting like the base game is more canon than, say, reload so why do they do this with portable? Why can’t the (infinitely superior) version with the female protagonist just be respected for five fucking minutes goddamn
#persona#persona 3#kotone shiomi#its the misogyny yay#but god i am so tired of her game being treated as not actually canon like it literally is#theres multiple canons dipshit there is no true version of this game#and also people saying she doesnt fit the theme or some shit like. she literally does??? and honestly she does it better#like you can really feel the love she brings to the group and how she gives everything life and helps everyone#but also just how it all comes with pain she smiles and befriends everyone but shes always been so deeply alone and she doesnt want anyone#to feel the pain shes felt and so she carries all those burdens on her own and when everyone goes to reach out for her#its too late far too late shed sacrifice herself over and over for these people and theyll never once see her cry#she also you know. actually has good social links and gets to know everyone not just people she wants fuck#so you get to see just infinitely better versions of every character with her she really does bring out the best in them#and another thing in particular with the disrespect of her story is the way shinji living is treated again just like#some kinda fanfic au by someone who didnt wanna cope with their blorbo dying like ughh#shinji surviving is just as canon as him dying there is an entire canon where he gets a happy ending and it is once again#much better than versions where he dies like ive. exhausted myself with explaining it but its just better#so yeah basically out of spite i like acting like kotones story is actually the one true canon#and when people mention stuff that isnt in her story im like ‘huh? what? that didnt happen’#cuz whos gonna stop me
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i have a weird relationship with weight because i hated eating more than anything the moment i was ready for solids ( i hate chewing with my entire life always have & will ) which made me underweight for most of my life ( to this day ) & during late primary-middle school this made me actively suicidal because i felt like something was wrong with my sex because i just was not developing whatsoever prompting me to have a years long phase of trying to gain weight in any way i could ( #EPICFAIL by the way ) & i was already insecure but i felt seriously so unforgivably ugly after bullying not just at school but by adults of my entourage. but then i did in my late 15s which prompted the pendulum to swing in the other direction & suddenly i FREAKED OUT & thought well being skinny is pretty much all i have & know myself to be & clearly it is not going to last forever so i Better preserve it i was delusional about how skinny i thought i was actually i look stumpy & weird i have to prove myself. But now i am normal again kind of
#also i used to get beaten to finish my food nearly daily & it would take me forever to do that like literally hours with no exaggeration#just made me hate eating even more. now my technique is eating as fast as possible before i even realize how overwhelming#the sensory experience is & i can just be done with it VS the pain&dread of eating slowly -> disgust of Everything+hyperawareness#eating tightens my muscles like i hate it so fucking much catching the food putting it in my mouth CHEWING swallowing#what a damn chore#so i always liked cheese it was my “safe food” pretty much the only thing i liked#i even hated the foods autists usually like like fries & fried chicken meatballs ETC. HATED.#i was/am more of a soup & turning all my food into varieties of Slop kind of girl nothing hard for me please...#i experienced middle school during the like ♯Thick era of the world which was honestly a good thing like for The Populace#but i felt like killing myself because i felt like an unforgivable fugly genetic failure & people did not hesitate to let me know#anyway either way i would be unhappy caus if i did gain weight during puberty i would have a meltdown about all the Changes#so i feel content for the time being about only losing the fat in my face & getting age appropriate wrinkles really#trying to enjoy the privilege of thinness while i have it because it will not last forever 0_0 but that should not matter anyway...#the privilege of thinness: being way uglier than others & constantly looking like a gibbon dying of disease + no energy or strength ever#JK people are much MUCH nicer to thin people & they do things for me on account of looking physically incapable so um yay i guess#light at the end of the tunnel that is very significant in the grand scheme of things socially. ♯CountingMyBlessings#also i was raised on ♯HAES tumblr from 2014-2018 i truly believed in that & was so damn envious i was not curvy & beautiful LOL#so i never hated overweight people really i think for the most part the SJW tumblr values stuck with me#but now i know it depends on your base frame & genetics & there is no guarantee to what you choose to do (naturally) acceptance is peace#sorry for the gigantic Arse post i just needed to get that off my chest for a long time. not on here specifically just in general#oh & i am a ♯Grignoteuse but grignoter (grazing) is different from eating in my mind&body#& my insecurity was not a result of wanting to fit in really but kind of in the sense that i wanted people to stop berating me for my looks#like body wise only & also not understanding why every other girl looked like a girl blossoming into a woman#& i looked like i was transitioning to Malnourished (unsexed) Ape made worse by bein GNC.& like the need for control later on & erthang ETC
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me: ohhh maybe ill be able to leave early bc its the weekend then i can chill and do some extra studying ^7^
the new guy who is a little too eager to teach a student: 🤭
#NGL IM A LITTLE SAD BC THIS IS MY LAST DAY HERE AND I WAS LIKE NOOOOOOOOO#he wound up being one of my fave doctors to work with tbh idjdjsjs#hes just extremely talkative and me being low energy i was just aaaaaaa is too much#but hes honestly nice and very forward so maybe thats why it was easy to open up jfndndjdjs#but like we had such a nice conversation and it felt nice to hear some stuff ive been through from a senior :')#i think esp cuz of my wittle breakdown yesterday gjdjdjs but yeah#he also just said like 'oh thank god i have a student then i can actually focus on what im doing' so it was a win win fjdjdjs#he was cool.... joked around a lot which i was like ?! but genuinely very neat djfjdjs#im so sad tho since he usually works on a different site + im leaving to a different ward :(#but anyways.#oh he also just straight up went ITS SO ISOLATING WORKING IN HERE I FEEL LIKE I HAVE A FRIEND#and im just sjdjsjdkskkssks bro...#anyways it was a very weird experience but he was cool jdjdjdd#too much energy tho i think im dying sjfnsjs#work logs#snow speaks
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to be honest with everybody I don't think I'm supposed to be here. I think I'm supposed to be somewhere else
#talking#when i was young i would play the same games over and over and i would think obsessively about what was beyond the area provided#i wanted so desperately to see the inside of the apartments in castelia city i would spend hours thinking about it#imagining what im missing#thinking with certainty there would be more to the game if i could just get to the points out of reach somehow#that same feeling of believing theres more out there but being locked out of it by some third party keeps happening#ill have dreams that feel infinitely more familiar and certain than the memories and experiences i have in real life#ill be gone for months only to wake up and learn none of it happened and it was just another product of my imagination#feels like im going nuts when i say i dont think the life im living is correct or accurate or. what word do i want#genuine? i dont feel like this is as real as it presents itself to be#i really dont know how to explain any of what im feeling without sounding like ive absolutely lost my mind. honestly maybe i have lost it#i just know that in my dreams the 'abnormal' events that occur feel infinitely more organic & real than the events that occur when im awake#like at some point in my childhood i fell into this parallel universe and nobody ever came to retrieve me so now this is how i live#all the surrealist media was right. i think im supposed to live somewhere more infinite and less. real? grounded?#i dont know. thinking about it makes my chest hurt#i dont know what the hell any of this is todays tag talk sort of got away from me and for that i applogize#ill toss it in the queue since ive been so chatty lately#saw this was still in the queue so im coming back to say i watched a movie about things like this#and i truly felt like i was dying#very fun
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pro: ran into a coworker at a bar last night who I don’t really talk to usually (he works upstairs, I work downstairs) and we talked and im pretty sure we were highkey flirting and he bought me a drink and the bar merch shirt i was interested in and thanks to the power of alcohol i guess i asked for his number and he gladly gave it to me and. yeah
con: i have the second worst hangover i have ever had and have been fighting for my fucking life just to eat saltines
#it’s getting better but only now that it’s like. 6pm#as weird as it sounds part of why this sucks is that I volunteered to come into work today cause there’s a concert going on nearby which#usually means we’re at least somewhat busy -> make better tips#and I couldn’t go in because well. you know#I’ve been sick and dying in bed all day unable to move or eat or anything#let alone take the bus and go to work#but. as much as I wish I didn’t go this overboard I don’t totally regret last night cause.#yeah. potential thing going on with cute coworker guy. OH and potential job opportunity at my favorite bar in town#apparently said coworker Also has a job at the bar in addition to where we both work and the bar is hiring barbacks at entry-level#so I have someone to vouch for me and the bartender we were talking to seemed to really want me to apply too#one thing that’s kinda funny to me about all this is that the first two places (a bar then a club) we were at felt really mid because they#were packed with way too many straight people (at a gay bar and a gay club)#but the bar we ended up at (where we ALWAYS end up at. it is the oasis. it is the only thing I can rely on) felt. like. not overwhelmingly#straight? at all? I mean part of it’s just luck in a way with just who happened to be there and all that but it’s also that the staff seem#pretty significantly populated with queer ppl#I complained to the bartender about how the club we were at (one of the biggest gay clubs in the city- if not The biggest) just felt kinda#meh because yeah maybe there were some guys dancing in jockstraps and whatever but the crowd itself like. did not feel largely queer#or at least didn’t have the spirit I’d hope for in a queer space if that makes sense. felt very conventional. not enough wild outfits and#makeup and gender fuckery and so on#and the bartender was like dude I KNOW right? I went off outside there once about the invasion of cishets when this space isn’t FOR them#and so on and so forth. and god that was So real.#so the experience at my beloved bar last night was like. 1) guy comes up behind me just to order a drink but i was saving a seat for my#friend who was in the bathroom and mentioned that in case he was looking to take the seat. chatted a little. ended with him pointing out#that a guy nearby was trying to holla at me.#2) I look over and yes. the dj is. in fact. looking directly at me and mouthing the lyrics to whatever song was playing pointed my way.#it was pretty sweet honestly I think it was partly cause I looked like I was shy and alone#3) whatever gay shit was going on with my coworker and i. amusingly he seems to get more flamboyant when he drinks just like i do.#im not 100% sure what his sexuality is but i Am 100% sure it is Not straight. but yeah. if it hadn’t been so close to closing time ive been#hardcore wondering where that would’ve gone. maybe its for the best that i had to go when i did cause i was pretty drunk and who knows when#I could’ve hit the amount of drunk it takes to like outright say hey just so you know i’d suck your dick right now if you wanted
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for some reason eugene lee yang was trending and I got So Stressed
#having n** flashbacks#was so worried he was cancelled or he died#honestly him dying felt more realistic I was like Why would he get cancelled rn#anyways it was just about nimona
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why have i never met anyone irl who has listened to stick season i feel like there is so much buzz around this album online and yet the moment you go offline it is like it does not exist i have never been able to scream to a another human presence and ramble uncontrollably about stick season what the fuck is up with that its genuinely infuriating
#stick season#noah kahan#sorry this post isnt meaningful to anyone or a valuable take on aything i just#honestly felt a sudden urge to vent#like its such a minor inconvenience#and its even possible that this is an experience entirely limited to me and not universal at all#maybe everyone else in the world who are out of my way are raving about stick season#but i am#dying out here#niche post#meaningless post#idk what this was about
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