#honestly I know it's so easy to be completely hopeless but actually

[cruelsister-moved2]

cant tell you how fulfilling and comforting it feels to be in a classroom full of women being lectured by a woman on the work of other women about subjects who are also women like i just got a small taste of what men are experiencing every day of their lives its intoxicating

[luvrrszn]

hopeless devotion

JAMES POTTER x FEM READER

summary you are hopelessly devoted to james potter

warnings angst, fluff, bad writing, idk honestly, probably inaccurate hp facts,...???!/2/21

a/n guys it's actually been SOOOO long since i've written plz go easy on me i've missed writing so much but i've just been awfully busy :( anyways hopefully this won't be a catastrophic piece of writing!!

masterlist

the very day you met james potter, you had your eye set on him.

however, what started out as a friend-crush (you know, when you really really want to be friends with that one kid in your science class), eventually turned into a full-blown crush.

throughout your years in hogwarts, you became good friends with james, eventually becoming one of his best mates. however, as the years went by, you still never managed to muster up enough courage to confess your feelings to james.

so you decided it was enough to just stay by his side.

you were there when he developed a massive crush on lily evans. in fact, you were the one who gave him advice, and you were the one who cheered james up after lily rejected him for the seventh time. you were there throughout it all, even though it broke your heart.

you decided it was better to just stay friends, even if it hurt you to your core, than to be nothing at all.

—

"i won't be around this weekend. i'm going to hogsmeade with lily. she agreed to something casual." james declared, grinning as he sat down across you.

the thoughts in your head came to a halt. you didn't hear the chatter of the students in the dining hall anymore, completely stunned by james's sudden announcement.

you were swiftly brought out from your trance when sirius starts talking directly into your ear.

"oi, are you going to hogsmeade this weekend?" sirius asks as he sits down on your right, shoving bread in his face as he spoke.

"yeah, i'm going with evan." you reply, focused on reading the mail your beloved owl had brought you. in an attempt to force yourself to get over james, you had agreed to a hogsmeade date with evan, who was your potions partner.

even remus, who was seated on your left, turned to gape at you. sirius spoke incredulously, "rosier? evan rosier, that prick?" they were both shocked at your casual mention of the blonde slytherin boy.

"yes, evan rosier. and don't call him a prick, siri, he's actually quite nice."

“yeah, yeah. before you know it you'll be begging us to get you out of that date." sirius replies before going back to shovelling food into his mouth.

you peek at james, and his face is expressionless, jaw clenched. you can't read his face, but you figure he must be annoyed at something else.

because there's no way he's jealous that you're going on a date with even. right?

—

the weekend rolls by.

you go to hogsmeade with evan, having drinks and talking at the three broomsticks, buying sweet treats at honeydukes, walking around the area.

as the sun starts to set, you and evan decide to head back to hogwarts. on your walk back, evan's hand brushes against yours, and he takes your hand.

you fail to notice james and lily, walking behind you.

james has his hazel eyes are fixated on your hand resting in even rosier's.

—

"c'mon, what was that?" james grunts, a hint of annoyance hanging in the air as the two of you enter the gryffindor common room. evan and lily are long gone, even back to his own common room and lily off with her friends.

"what're you on about?" you reply, taking off your coat as you slump into the comfy sofa.

"you and rosier. what's up with that?" james huffs, his annoyance becoming more and more evident with each word he utters.

"there's nothing much, jamie. jus' went out for the day, that's all." you reply, sitting up a little straighter.

"c'mon, just spit it out! were you tryna make me jealous, or what?" he snaps.

you let out a laugh, "make you jealous? how could you say that? after all these years i've been by your side, helped you with lily, even when it broke my heart to. so if i'm finally moving the fuck on, the least you could do is be happy for me!"

shocked by your outburst, you immediately stand up, grab your coat and bolt back to your room. you slam the door behind you, slumping against the door.

you feel the eyes of everyone else in the dormitory on you, but you can't even process it, consumed by the realisation of what you'd just admitted.

—

for the next few days, you keep your distance from james. partly because you're still embarrassed by your sudden somewhat confession, but mostly because you wanted to stand your ground.

you thought that if he wanted to apologise, he would.

throughout the days that you avoid james, he tries to approach you multiple times. after potions, during lunch, even after his quidditch practice. all times, you manage to find one of your friends nearby, immediately beelining for them.

however, you still talk to remus, sirius and peter. you decided that whatever tension you had with james would remain between the both of you.

"c'mon, you've gotta talk to him. he's been mopey all week. and really grumpy too. and it's aaaaaallllllllll because of you." sirius grumbles, poking your shoulder as he sits down next to you in the common room.

"you're just being dramatic, siri. right?" you reply, turning to remus, hoping that he would tell you otherwise. however, you're disappointed when remus says, "nope. this time, he's actually telling the truth."

"hey!" sirius shouts, indignant.

"you gotta do something, please. he's always pissy." peter chimes in.

you sigh, getting up from your seat, "fine, I'll see what i can do."

you make your way to their dormitory.

—

you knock on the door softly, before opening it and sticking your head in. james is lying on his bed, back facing the door.

"christ, can you be any louder? get what you need, and get o—" he pauses when he sits up and realises it's you. he falls silent, letting out the softest "oh" you've ever heard.

"hey, what are you doing up here?" he asks softly as you kick off your shoes and sit down at the foot of his bed.

"i wanted to talk to you, if that's okay." you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater.

his sweater, actually. he lent it to you a year ago, when you felt cold during lunch. you liked it so much, you never returned it. he never asked for it back either.

for a second, james looks shocked. then he replies, "y-yeah. of course."

"i'm sorry i've been avoiding you lately, i just wasn't ready to talk yet. and i was embarrassed too, y'know. that wasn't exactly how i'd planned on telling you. but anyways, i just want to let you know i don't have any expectations. i think we should just go back to normal, if that's okay with you." you calmly explain, trying to remain composed, even though your heart is beating so fast you think it might actually explode.

an awkward silence falls between the both of you, and you can tell james is trying to collect all his thoughts before he speaks.

he runs his hand through his hair before saying, "christ. i've liked you for the longest time, i still do, but i thought i never had a chance. you were always too cool for me, y'know, and you still are. hearing you admit that you were trying to get over me, it made me so confused. i didn't know if you wanted anything to do with me anymore, let alone like me back. that's why i didn't do anything to try and "win you back". y'know?"

he rubs his arm, looking sheepish as he stares down at his bedsheets.

"i still like you, jamie. do you still like me?" you whisper.

he moves over, taking your face into your hands. he presses his lips onto yours, kissing you harder, and harder, and harder. and boy, do you kiss him back.

when the two of you finally break apart, you're breathless.

"so, is that a yes or a no?" you grin.

"it's a yes, you little twit."

[qprstobin]

Stobin Different First Meeting AU where they go to prom together. This was meant to be an au post and turned into a mini fic oops (written completely within a tumblr post so sorry for the poor quality)

(edit: realized I should link the fic I was inspired by for those who don't follow me and so didn't see me reblog it earlier)

Steve doesn't necessarily want to go to prom, right? Like yeah, he'd been imagining it for a while, but now that he was very, very single it just didn't have the same shine that it used to. And he really wasn't ready to start dating yet. However, he didn't want to just, not go to prom, and also knew it would seem really weird (and pretty fucking sad) if he didn't go.

Which leaves him in a conundrum.

He thought for a while that maybe he would go with one of the junior cheerleaders. While he didn't have any close friends anymore, he was still friendly with plenty of people. There were girls that wouldn't be going to prom unless they had a senior boyfriend - some he had even gone on dates with in the past who wouldn't think a single prom date meant that he wanted a new girlfriend.

However, he is pretty sure most of those girls would have... other expectations for the night. And honestly? He isn't quite sure that he was ready to get back on that horse either.

... Not that he thought women were horses.

He's pretty sure men are normally the ones called horses in riding metaphors.

Anyway.

That left him stuck. He couldn't just not go to prom, but also didn't want to wind up trapped on an actual date with someone. So who could he ask?

His solution ended up coming from an odd place.

Robin Buckley was... quite honestly, kind of a weirdo.

She was cute, in an alternative sort of way. She never took any of his shit (he wasn't completely sure she even liked him) but also reluctantly laughed at the snarky shit he said under his breath during their Film History class. And not in the fake giggly way girls did when they were flirting, but didn't actually care about what he was saying, just the way he said it. She actually seemed to think he was funny. Even if that revelation seemed to piss her off.

The only reason he was even in Film History that semester - and therefore, knew who she was - was for the easy A. He got to watch movies in class, and watch movies for homework. He was willing to plow through a couple of shitty essays in exchange for a class that he didn't feel like a complete idiot in.

(Well, he was pretty sure Robin thought he was an idiot about movies, but just because he had trouble remembering the names and shit of characters, didn't mean he couldn't analyze the themes, fuck you very much, Buckley.)

They had gotten assigned a project together early on, and it hadn't been completely terrible. She had quickly taken over doing most of the writing portions, but hadn't thought all of his ideas were terrible. By the end of the project he thought they were even sort of having fun together.

He'd always been one to try his luck, take a little more than he was given. So, after that assignment was over, he started sitting next to her in class, not wanting that easy, if sharp, camaraderie to end. Robin rolled her eyes at him and asked him what he thought he was doing the first time he did it, but she never sent him away.

They ended up chatting more and more during down times, passing notes to each other and sharing sly comments under their breaths during the movies. Steve often had trouble paying attention at school, his mind easily wandering away, and it was almost as bad during most movies, but Robin helped keep him on track.

The class turned into one that was done for the easy grade, a last ditch effort to improve his already hopeless GPA, and became one he actually enjoyed.

The more he thought about it, the more he liked the idea of going to prom with Robin. It made the night seem a little less unbearable.

He thought about making a big deal out of asking her, because he knows that's what girls (and even Nancy) had enjoyed for past dances. He quickly scrapped that idea, however, because not only did he not want to put pressure on her like that, but also she seemed to hate public spectacles like that.

Or at least when aimed at her, they both enjoyed watching drama unfold in the halls a bit too much to say she hated it completely.

So Steve waits until the end of the day, their film class being their last, to pull her into an empty classroom. She follows him without question in a show of trust he didn't realize she had in him. The notion warms him, and for some reason makes it more difficult to get the question out.

"Why do I feel like you're about to try to sell me drugs or something?" Robin asked, raising an eyebrow at him. He squints at her in offense.

"Why is that your first assumption?!"

"I don't know! Why else are you pulling me out of the hallway all secretive like, making sure no one followed us, into an abandoned classroom," she asks, throwing her arms into the air.

"The classroom isn't abandoned, it's the end of the day! Also, who does drug deals on campus, that's just stupid?" He asks rhetorically, before waving one hand through the air, as if trying to erase the current thread of conversation. "That doesn't matter, you're distracting me."

"Well then, get on with it! Some of us have practice we need to get to."

"It's like talking to the kids," he mutters to himself, "Whatever. I wanted to ask - will you go to prom with me?"

That stops Robin up short. There's panic in her eyes now, though Steve isn't sure what exactly put it there. Was his reputation that bad that even band geeks are terrified of getting asked out by him?

"You want to go on a date? With me?" she asks slowly, disbelief coloring her voice, though it doesn't hide her unease.

"No, I want to go to prom with you," he scoffs, "Not go on a date with you."

"That is a date, dingus! The person you go to prom with is literally called your date!"

"Okay, sure, maybe, but I don't actually want to date you," he said, rolling his eyes at her.

Like, okay, he understood his reputation for being... what did she call him last week? A 'huge effing rake'? But that didn't mean that he was trying to date any girl that looked in his direction. A lot of girls looked in his direction. That was too many women, even for him.

Robin relaxes a little at that.

"Then why are you asking me to prom instead of someone you actually want to date?"

"Because!" he says, resisting the urge to flail his hands back at her. "I don't want to date anyone right now. Most people I ask are going to expect all these things from me - they're going to want dinner, and at the very least a kiss at the end of the night if not more, or another date the very next day. Because Steve Harrington is supposed to want those things!" He takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair to calm himself. "But right now? I really don't."

"Well then, what does Steve the Hair Harrington actually want?" She had relaxed fully at this point, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

"I want to go to prom with someone I consider a friend, someone who makes me laugh," he says after a moment of silence. "I want to dance badly to really corny pop music and drink just enough spiked punch that I don't remember how much I hate wearing any sort of tie. Then I want to go get milkshakes or go see a really trashy midnight horror flick, just because I'm having so much fun I don't want the night to end."

That small smile has grown into a reluctant grin on Robin's face. It makes her eyes shine and her freckles pop. Steve thought that if he was in a better place, if they had met at a different time, he could have fallen in love with her.

But they had met now instead, in some shitty public school elective course, and she was the closest thing he had to a friend that wasn't a snotty middle schooler.

"That sounds... like a lot of fun, actually," she says, mischief sparking on her face. "Who would've known the hidden depths hidden behind all that hair."

"Hey!" he protests half-heartedly, unable to keep a grin of his own off his face. "So what do you say? Wanna go to prom with me?"

"I guess," she sighs, acting like it was such a trial to go to prom with him. Him! But her next words make up for it. "Since we're friends, and all. However, I still expect you to buy me dinner, though you can keep the kiss goodnight to yourself."

Steve can't help the giddy laugh from spilling out of him. For the first time in weeks, he is actually looking forward to prom.

[animezinglife]

I think what draws me in and completely captivates me with Once Upon a Broken Heart is the sheer, unapologetic fantasy of it all and the equally unapologetic appeal to the hopeless romantic in so many of us.

I actually find it refreshing that Evangeline is a little naive, but that that naïveté comes from that wish for and willingness to find a happily-ever-after. She IS very much that fairytale heroine who gets tossed into one scenario after another, but there’s always a very genuine (in my opinion) sense of love and hope flooding through her.

She won’t appeal to everyone, but she’s also not the ditzy, helpless protagonist I think some would make her out to be. She’s a believer in love. She’s getting a rather tumultuous crash course in what love is through her misguided deal with Jacks.

It’s not the fairytale romance with a prince or a first love.

It’s not something that ends once she has it.

Happiness is something she constantly has to work for. It takes gambles and risks. It’s messy and not always easy to understand. It’s a double-edged sword. It can both uplift and betray you; warm your heart and break it.

She’s learning. She’s growing. She’s figuring out what she wants; what it means and feels like to fall in love and fight for it.

I love too that Jacks genuinely is a trickster. He’s downright diabolical at times and Evangeline is never naive enough to think she can change that. She holds herself accountable for feeling too much for him or expecting him to act like her friend, husband, or lover. He’s not an easy person to love. He’s very obviously not fully human and can be hard to understand.

Yet she’s genuinely seeing that other, more human side of him when he doesn’t retreat from it. That side that’s capable of love and has fallen in love with her (which the readers can see much more clearly). She’s not misguided in her conflicted feelings. She just keeps moving forward with the directions her life takes her. She still believes in love. She still wants to believe in happily ever afters.

She’s learning that none of those things are easy and that they can constantly evolve.

I think a lot of women regardless of age can probably relate to just how much she’s learning about herself through this all.

I know I can.

Evangeline is a softer kind of heroine. She has a gentler strength and resolve. She doesn’t always make good or smart decisions, but she also doesn’t claim to.

She’s not a complicated protagonist. This isn’t going to win any awards for the most complex, intellectually stimulating, insightful narrative of all time or any esteemed awards in terms of craft.

But honestly? I love Evangeline, and I love these books. She’s kind of the embodiment of optimism and hopeful love, and she refuses to break. She’s kind and caring.

She’s that part of so many of us I think we tend to push aside or bury as we get older and more jaded on love.

A certain quote comes to mind about being old enough to read fairytales again. I think sometimes, that can also mean being gentle and nonjudgmental towards our own hopeless, inner romantics and that wish for something better that somehow keeps us going.

[my-rose-tinted-glasses]

Hey bestie popping by with a random ask: what have been your favs so far from your old jbl project?

Hi! Thank you for the random ask.

I was actually just working on my monthly breakdown so I was trying to write just a couple of sentences about what I watched this month so this comes at a good time because this month I definitely saw one of my favs.

The Novelist. I don't know if I can coherently convey my thoughts about it but I'll give it a try. I think there were several factors that made me take so long to watch it. I never read full reviews about it, because although I don't mind spoilers in general, I also like to go into some shows as unbiased as possible. That was not easy. I basically went into it thinking it was depressing and it involved a lot of sex that I wasn't sure where it would land of the consent scale. I don't really remember where I got this idea tbh. Anyway.

Although after hearing people like you, @twig-tea and @bengiyo talk about it in different contexts I was less wary about it for sure. So I went into it with a more open mind, even with reservations. I mean I basically went through the lighter parts of the ojbl list first, so part of me was dreading the rest. I don't mind darker stories, or darker bl's. I have way darker ones coming up on the list. But I always feel like I need to be in the right frame of mind for them. Because I can get too emotionally invested and my moods tends to swing easily.

All this to say, I wasn't expecting a story about two lonely people 'using' each other to fight that loneliness. As I was just writing in my breakdown post, Kijima was such an interesting character to me. Because in the beginning I was just curious about him, like there was something odd about him, his demeanor. And when I realized that he was faking part of it and just using Kuzumi I hated him. So much. But, and I have to give major props to the actor, because in episode 4 when Kuzumi leaves and Kijima in on the table just listening to the record and crumpling the pages, I was gone. I fully saw him for the first time. That man is lonely and hopeless and I felt so much for him in that moment. And that of course lasted through to the end and that smile

I was practically clapping. Brilliant. It was such a beautiful ending. I felt like the show broke my heart a bit and it was all healed in this moment.

So to recap, not only was this a wonderful surprise that completely obliterated my expectations, but it's so beautiful. Everything is good. The cinematography, the music, the acting, everything was brilliant. So good. So if everyone that reads this has not yet seen for some reason or another I urge you to do it. I still have yet to see the other installments so I can't speak to all of it but this one is so worth it. I honestly can't believe that Kijima has become such an important character to me.

I think before this one, my favourites were for sure the first two I watched. Ai No Kotodama and No Touching at All.

They were both such great surprises. Let me just quickly look through my notes because my memory might betray me. Oh okay.

Ai no Kotodama I really enjoyed how it was shot and edited. I liked how they used several things to mirror the relationship, the perfume , the stair gazing and the other couple. I felt everything served the story in a really interesting way. I also like that the girl wasn't the usual bl girl and in the end she was actually jealous of their relationship more than in love with either of them. I also really like how the film made me unsure about their relationship almost from the start, because it makes sense in this case. My confusion mirrors Shinya's confusion and fear.

I also really liked No Touching at All's directing. It was really interesting how they used the camera work. For most of the film the couple is usually far away from us, the camera is on the other side of the room or something like that. And it's almost keeping us at a distance. So when the camera finally gets close up, it's during their break up, which I thought was intentional to cause the most emotional impact. Like now you should be invested in this moment because so are they. They are being honest for the first time so there are no more barriers for us because they are being truthful and removing their own. I also think Shima's internal struggle was really well portrayed, I liked the fact that he initiated the break up for self preservation reasons and so Togawa coming back to him at the end is what allows him to trust it. It makes me believe more in their future together.

This got a bit longer than I intended. These three are definitely my favourites but I'm really enjoying this project, even if I don't love everything, I think there's always something positive about all of them. At least the ones I've watched.

Anyway I hope that answers your question. My next one will probably be Mood Indigo and I'll have to look at my list again but I know I have a couple other ones on there still to watch.

Thank you so the question.

[ladytauria]

“I’m going to ask you how you are and I would like you to answer me honestly.” chose your ship >:)

i went with jaysteph, 'cause i haven't written for them yet & they've been on my mind lately <3

i hope i wrote steph okay; i'm still feeling out her characterization ^^;

“So,” Steph says, perching on the arm of the couch like there aren’t two open seats right there in front of her. “Here’s how this is gonna work. I’m gonna ask you how you are, and you’re gonna answer me honestly.”

Jason crosses his arms. “You boss Tim around like this too?”

“Sure do,” she says breezily. “You’ve seen me do it.”

Jason purses his mouth. He isn’t pouting—though the look Steph gives him insinuates she feels otherwise. His arms twitch. He barely stops himself from crossing them over his chest, or slumping back into the couch. All of which would only further her—mistaken—impression.

When he doesn’t say anything else, Steph says, “So… Jason. How are you?”

“Peachy,” he bites.

Steph crosses her wrists and mimics the sound of an incorrect buzzer. “Nuh-uh, buddy, try again.”

“Oh my god,” Jason says. His head falls back against the couch.

“Look, I know emotional constipation is like—our whole thing, but… a little honesty here isn’t going to kill you,” Steph says. “I mean— Do you want me to bring up the B-word? ‘Cause I’ll do it, if it means we can bypass all… this.” She gestures vaguely.

Jason grimaces at the ceiling. “Please tell me the B-word is breakfast. As in, you want breakfast for dinner and will let this go if I agree to make you waffles.”

She doesn’t even dignify that with an answer. Which—yeah. Fair. If Steph wants waffles for dinner, Steph gets waffles for dinner, no bribery required. He’s easy like that. (It’s that thousand-watt smile—the way it leaves him weak at the knees, stomach fluttering. All that romance novel shit he never thought he’d actually have.)

Jason sighs, throwing an arm over his face. He loves that she cares. Really—he does. But he still hates talking about it. Like—okay. Some of it is easy. He can talk about how pissed he is that the Joker is still alive any day of the week. But when you get down to the other shit, the personal shit…

It’s harder. The words stick in his throat, like he’s swallowed a big glob of peanut butter, or like he’s got the worst flu of his life.

But Steph is asking—and. He’s trying to be honest with her. Even about the shit he doesn’t want to talk about.

Also, she’s serious about bringing up Bruce. So. There’s that.

 “How am I?” he repeats, as he picks through the snarled up briar patch growing in his chest. “I’m— not great.” Understatement. He feels like he’s unraveling at the seams, lately. Like, if he isn’t careful, eventually he’s going to unwind completely. “Everything has just been… a lot.” 

Steph slips off the arm of the couch; tucking herself up beside him. He can smell the honey of her body wash; the coconut of her shampoo. It’s nice. Almost as nice as the warmth of her, or the fingers that find his hair, toying gently with his curls.

“A lot?” she repeats, softer now.

“Yeah.” He drops his arm, twisting his torso so he’s curled toward her. He rests his hand on her hip, stroking it with his thumb over her shirt. “I don’t— I can’t point to one thing,” he says quietly. “It’s Bruce, a little bit.” It’s always Bruce, and often more than just ‘a little bit.’ “The city, too. Feels like—like nothing I’m doing, nothing we’re doing is helping. Changing anything. An’ I know that’s not true. I’ve seen the people we’ve helped. But— the bad shit just keeps happening, and. It just. Feels hopeless, sometimes. A lot of the time.” He pauses.

“An’... I’ve been thinking again. About all the stuff I missed out on. An’ I know it’s not too late for all of it, I know I can still— I can go to college. We can make an identity for me, somethin’ I can live in. But, I just. I think about balancing that with everything else, and it just— It’s a lot. I see you do it, and you— Baby, you do it amazingly, and— I want that too, but—”

Steph quiets him with a gentle finger to his mouth. She lays that hand on his chest, tracing the fading graphic on his tee. The other hand stays in his hair. “It is a lot,” she says quietly. “But it’s also nice, to have that break. That connection. Reminds you that all the shit we see isn’t everywhere. It might help.” Her mouth quirks, a little. “And as for B. I’ve hit him once. I’ll do it again, if it’ll make you feel better.”

Jason can’t help his grin. “Only if I can watch.”

Steph winks. “I’ll be watching for opportunities,” she says. Her expression gentles again; and she’s looking at him with an expression so fond that it makes mouth dry up, his eyes sting. “Until then— What do you say we take the night off, yeah? Turn the living room into a blanket fort, order pizza, and watch all those movies we’ve been wanting to see.”

“That—” He has to cut himself off; swallow and start again, when his mouth isn’t desert-dry. “That sounds great, babe.”

She kisses him, brief and fleeting. “Of course it does. I have the best ideas. Now, get moving, Jaybabe. You start on the supports, I’ll call the pizza place. The usual?”

“Yeah,” he agrees, rising to his feet.

He doesn’t know how he got so lucky, but he’s not about to question it. He’ll just have to make sure he never forgets.

[dirtbra1n]

shirahama kyouji isn’t convinced that tashiro’s actually seeing into hanzawa senpai’s dreams. bite him. but, okay, sure, whatever. as far as he’s concerned, tashiro doesn’t have to acknowledge this river as a real thing unless he really wants to. or needs to. what-ever.

what does he know. right?

not like he’s been getting calls from tashiro in the dead of night with alarming frequency lately. not like he’s being turned to like some kind of romantic gospel. it feels like a mean prank, honestly. Stop asking me about romance, Tashiro, you punk.

he sighs, holds the door for tashiro, clears his throat. “But, anyway, isn’t this whole thing kind of one-sided? Like, here you are lopping off his limbs or whatever—”

“Hey—”

“—but I don’t hear anything about him cutting into YOU. Aren’t YOU worth digging into? Isn’t he curious about the stuff going on in YOUR brain?”

“…If you’d just stayed in the ping pong club…”

“UGH, never mind.”

honestly speaking, kyouji thinks he’s a really good friend. just on the principle that he’s not just willing to but practiced in the art of grinding support levels. reading between the lines. pushing boundaries a little.

girls might call him delusional. or nosy. kind of pushy, maybe. he doesn’t let it get to him.

tashiro is just the kind of guy who doesn’t even realize that he isn’t letting anyone in, and the kind of guy that other people don’t realize they don’t know much about. and kyouji met him in middle school, and they became friends somehow.

it’s actually really easy to be friends with someone. it’s just a lot of work to be friends about it.

as in, like. kyouji was gaming tashiro’s friendship for at least a couple weeks before tashiro noticed and asked kyouji if he was gaming his friendship, to which he said “No.”

anyway, this is all kind of to say that kyouji hadn’t really realized he’d maxed out his support levels until that first 2:42 am call about death dreams and hanzawa senpai, and he got split between asking about the whole dying thing and confirming that it was, uh.

hanzawa senpai?

tashiro, if asked, would say that he’d definitely mentioned at least once the weird situation he’d gotten into there. kyouji would concede that point, sort of, except he’d argue in response that “weird situation” applies much more to the almost-but-not-quite confession than it does to… dying over and over? in front of you?

kyouji takes to sitting in stairways to mull these things over. he could be in the classroom eating lunch with miyano right now, but he’s a good friend. long-term investments. he is such a good friend.

“Like, really,” he murmurs to himself, worrying his banana milk’s straw between his teeth, “These have to count as your dreams too. Right?” he hears voices drifting down from the hallway and really hopes his isn’t doing the same.

it probably is. talking to the tashiro that exists in his head like a nut. man.

he leans back on his elbows to stare at the ceiling. “Keep talking over and over about how you’re intruding on his dreams and, like, no offense, Tashiro, but,” he sighs through his nose. completely hopeless. a completely hopeless nut. “Man. Your sleep, in your bed, in your head. Those are your dreams, mind link or not.”

he groans. puts the empty carton on the step next to him. tosses an arm over his eyes.

“Willpower, I guess. Maybe. Not that it’s something you have to do, but…”

somebody walks down the stairs, passing him warily. the carton goes skittering.

I guess if you want him to live enough awake and live enough asleep, it’s got to work out eventually.

he moves his arm and opens his eyes a little while later to see tashiro crouching in front of him.

kyouji squints. “I see you finally saw my text.”

tashiro hums evenly. “I was doing the rounds.”

a twinge in his forehead. he turns his head, crosses his arms. “Left here lying on the stairs, all dusty, cramping, just so Mister Popular can go talk to his friends…”

ka-tonk.

kyouji rubs his forehead. “For what’s it’s worth—“

“Not a lot.”

“Shut up. I think Senpai wants to live as much as anyone.”

that gives tashiro pause.

it’s kind of part of the reason kyouji doesn’t end up saying this next part out loud—he doesn’t know hanzawa senpai that well personally, anyway.

I don’t think anyone who wants to die would spend as much energy as he does doing all of… everything…

he doesn’t know hanzawa senpai that well personally, but he also doesn’t say it because…

man, it’s definitely bad luck in his fortune to go thinking about people he knows and bucket lists at the same time.

[raythekiller]

general yandere sfw and nsfw with your new oc pls!! i am already in LUUUUUVVVV

🗒 ❛ SFW And NSFW Headcanons ༉‧₊˚✧

Featuring: Lane The Lurker

#Notes: I???? DIDNT THINK ANYONE WOULD ACTUALLY REQUEST FOR THEM??? THE SCREAM I JUST SCREAMED

pronouns used: none, gn! reader

˗ˏˋ back to navigation ´ˎ˗

SFW

First off, they're already a yandere, don't even have to specify. When they're in love, you're literally everything they can think about. They will do anything you ask them to, and I meant anything, but at a price - they want you to be completely dependent on them. Why would you need anyone else? They can provide you with everything you've ever wanted. Definitely the type to hold your waist as you're out together, glaring menacingly through the mask at anyone who tries to talk to you. Speaking of the mask - they don't wear it as often when it's just the two of you. It's their way of "asking" for kisses by giving you easy access.

Hopeless romantic at heart. I'm talking rose bouquets and cute dates and writing songs about you. The type to show up at your house in the middle of the night and throw rocks at your window, Romeo style. Honestly, I thought about talking about their favorite love language, but the answer is just all of them. Showers you in compliments all the time, gets you all the gifts you ever wanted (how do they even know you wanted some of that? You might not wanna know the answer), SUPER touchy, will do all your chores so you can relax for the day, and the list goes on. They're just infatuated with you.

NSFW

Honestly, they're a little bit of a freak. Major sadomasochist, wants either of you to be covered in blood and bruises by the end of it and doesn't really care who it is. Speaking of, knife and blood kink. Just dragging the blade softly on top of the sensitive skin of your stomach, just enough to make you squirm or holding it against your throat as they're pounding into you. Definitely a switch, so if you wanna be the one cutting them up, they'll be happy to oblige. Also, slap their face, they'll just smile up at you with a cocky and satisfied grin.

Super into praise, mostly giving, and also super vocal in general. Just won't shut up about how good you make them feel and how beautiful you are. Definitely a whimperer, and has the prettiest moans, kind of high pitched and loud and shameless. Also, please, for the love of God, scratch their back while they're fucking you, they love that shit. Plus, you just know they're using that tongue piercing to their advantage.

[minetteskvareninova]

You're missing the point of that post. It's not about slut shaming and it's not some weird double standard against Rhaenyra & Targaryens. Its the fact that politically, Rhaenyra could've avoided everything very easily but chose not too. Her making really poor choices bc of her entitlement that being Royal, Targaryen, and knowing the prophecy is a big part of her character. It's the fact that Targaryen Exceptionalism, Feudalism & Succession Crisises are really stupid ways of governance and only ruins those around them. This whole system is a house of cards that can be so easily broken simply over hair color. It's almost willful misreading to say it's about slut shaming.

But of course, and that uppity German Struensee would've gotten away with his reforms if only he could keep it in his pants innit Juliana

*sigh* For all of you who still didn't get it:

I used Carolina Mathilda as an example, because unlike book!Rhaenyra (jury's still out on show!Rhaenyra, I honestly get SOME of the reasons why people don't like her, even if my ultimate judgement of her is way more positive) for one reason, and one reason only: she is, both in history and in the movie, unquestionably sympathetic.

For those of you who don't know, En kongelig affaere, or A Royal Affair, is a Danish film that adapts the story of queen Carolina Mathilda of Denmark, whose affair with her mentally ill husband's doctor Johann Friedrich Struensee was used by Struensee's enemies to boosts his charges of treason. The real issue was, of course, court power politics - the king's detachment of reality was so intense he was almost completely incapable of doing his job, and Struensee used that to basically rule in his stead, which of course earned him many enemies. Even worse, his pro-enlightenment policies (although think less Robespierre and more emperor Joseph II.) sparked outrage among the nobility; Joseph II. is an apt comparison here, although he didn't have the added baggage of being a lowborn man seizing power behind the scenes and (allegedly) having an affair with the queen. Jury's still out on whether that particular charge is based on truth, but it's certainly possible, and the movie went with "yes", just because it makes for a better story. In any case, Struensee ended up being executed, while Carolina Mathilda survived, but was torn away from her children and sent into exile. The movie is relatively faithful retelling of a certain quite plausible version of the story, also it has a superb script, great costumes and cast packed to the gills with amazing actors (Mads Mikkelsen, Alicia Vikander, for those in the know also Mikkel Boe Fosgard and Tryne Dyrnholm) - basically, if you can find it, go watch it, after surviving Hot D y'all deserve some real cinema.

Now, in the movie, it's heartbreakingly easy to sympathize with Carolina Mathilda. When she is just a teenager, she is married off to her severely mentally ill cousin, who constantly mistreats her and seems to kinda hate her, plus her affair with Struensee is motivated by genuine romantic feelings. Noone in their right mind would call Carolina Mathilda "entitled" for it (I HOPE). And sure, Rhaenyra is much less miserable than her, but her emotional life is in a similarly hopeless spot, where she can only find actual romance outside of marriage. Plus, unlike Carolina Mathilda, there is no deception involved, at least with her husband - she still has to gaslight the rest of the country, but them's the breaks, what would you have her do, NOT give birth to the prince of my heart Jacaerys Targaryen?! Like, people, you are calling a woman entitled, because she is in a loving monogamous relationship with someone who isn't her (gay) husband. I don't know if it's slut-shaming, but it most certainly isn't FAIR.

What I think confuses people about this comparison is that both book and show!Rhaenyra can be called spoiled and entitled (keyword is CAN; I personally don't agree with this assessment of her either, but let's say for the sake of the argument) for a lot of other things. She has certainly done her fair share of mistakes and I get the general dislike of her - I myself dislike show!Alicent in much the same way, it really depends what actions and character flaws personally irritate you more. But again, having a loving monogamous relationship, with the consent of her husband no less, is just not the kind of mistake I can imagine anyone hating her for. Yes, yes, it is hypocritical to subscribe to a feudal order that abhors bastards while having bastards yourself, but crucially, it's the kind of hypocrisy that many noblemen parttake in with no reprecussions whatsoever, from Corlys to Bobby B. And, again, Rhaenyra's affair with Harwin actually MORE excusable, because unlike Corlys' relationship with Marilda, it doesn't get in the way of an otherwise loving marriage (unless it happened before his marriage to Rhaenys in the show - it didn't in the books, but also in the books the Hull boys might be Laenor's, it's complicated), and unlike Bobby B, she is far from a hedonist serial philanderer. We can debate whether any of that would be WRONG per se, but it certainly would be LESS UNDERSTANDABLE.

It is not entitled to want a fulfilling romantic relationship even in a situation that isn't exactly conductive to it. How is that a hard concept to grasp, I really don't know. Maybe y'all should just read or watch more things dealing with romantic relationships under these circumstances - I highly recommend starting with A Royal Affair, seriously, you guys, it is so good.

[kidfoundonstreets]

okay uhm the scarf guy and the pigtsail guy from yttd . and charlotte and lime from wh. and uhhhhhhhhh anyone from cinderella game

head in hands HIAAIIEY HYEHEYEH HAII ROBIN <333!!! TAHNKYOU please know the opffer is pen for you anytime.. anywhere.. smooches your forehead okay so i like the pgistial and scarfie scarf guy because theyre so fcuked up ina ll of the ways. i like how they make me wanna throw up and shove my head inside a sewer while inhaling fanfiction of them like toxic gas. that aside the angst and to put it simply fucked up potential in their dynamic is what draws me to them, i enjoy how complex it could be - your abuser could love you but not in all the right ways, it could exist, shin and how they care about one another with the idealistic frankly obsessive posessive view midori has with him as well like the cut scene of him c rying over shin HELLOOO?? anyway theyre silly to me. guy who lives in your house is also your roomammte old friend bestie lover worst person you know etc jerk weird weird satrange weird. i could write a lot more if it was speciifc but im very bad with words sooaoaahahdhwh <3 oh and gore chalrtotoe and lime are also one of my fav dynamics yesss horrible yuri. chalrotte never wnating to give up on lime while lime has al;ready given up for any sort of proper undertsnaidng she craves bwteen them, heyre friends but one wants more while the other doesnt, it doesnt even have to eb romantic it just hurts because charlotte was all by herself or maybe just singled with the others apathy toward semotions so seeing lime full of emotion and passion and pain who could get chalrotte probably also ironically struck a chord in her - and shes always worried for her, like she might go too far, and when she does she just starts crying. thats the good shit. a hoepless ending a hopeless dynamic but they kiss sometimes in my brain to make it worse. perfect. that cinderlelal game ,, ,,,, !! oh god please dont stirke me here IM SO EMABRARSED i dont have any ships in that game so ill go on with that xoxoxoxoxooxox dorpelts one ive been playing ! i really like how with shiloh theres this fake "is this true is this not" with him, you never really know and thats what the fandom loves about him whcih i agree its an addicting type of thang, and even in the end its not completely clear. all we relaly get is that its sure at least that he does value jb at least a ltitle or see her as of value, as she does end up consistnetly vomplimented talked to and by his side through the end. he cant have a verison of hismelf that isnt manipulative, long gone, and you need to accept that. theyre awful divorce. i cant get enough of it. jbs overflowing confidence and shiloh right beside her like a dog with a knife, begging for any sort of scraps because hes a liar. a mnaipualtor. like jeoekr! or kokcichi . ezxcept hes actually good . can you imagine it. ironically hes probably the most untrustworthly one there becausre atleast the others say what theyre thinking. shiloh is a mixed bag and every word has at least a little bit of a truth and lie to it.

ut thats how they like eahcother and its fun interesting we arnet here for a long time we're here for a fun time for nate it givess a bit more of a genuine perspective, im not used to jb being comforitng or nice tbh lol. but its clear that they atleast fiteachother even if jb isnt the nicest one for him - i think shes the only one who can keep up with his intense moods and issues stacked on him and his rough exterior. hes honestly a pretty decent guy if you dont piss him off whcih is easy. closeness issues. commitment issues. nothing is ever stable issues. i get it bro. the thing with all of these dynamics in this game is that they do somehow in a hilariously awful way is complete eachother, i cant say if any of them will end well but its obvious that theres chemistry in all of their interactions and i love love love this game. anyway i also relaly liked how with nate you dont kiss him at all and instead get a hug at the ened, its nice compared to shiloh who just goes along with everything and how jb is pulled to his wants at times (while with shiloh shes the one ofc usually taking all of the lead while hes the jester) - i think it really digs in how much he trusts her to go that extreme and vomit-inducing lengths at the end because he wants their kiss to be perfect qnd it isnt perfect right now. but hes ready to keep going because of this stupid bitch (jb). and i find that super sweet

[fusillisarah]

2023 Reading Roundup (44 books, Predominately Romantasy)

I graduated from university and started my big girl job this year, take a look at what I was reading as I passed these milestones! I read FOURTY FOUR books this year and I’m so proud :)

Vampire Academy Series: Richelle Mead

Vampire Academy, Frost Bite, Shadow Kiss, Blood Promise, Spirit Bound, Last Sacrifice

10/10. Comfort books. Love the arc, love the direction. Slow burn mentor/student. Set in modern day. Romantasy.

Dune & Dune: Messiah: Frank Herbert

Dune is a 10/10. Incredibly worldbuilding. Anyone with any interest in sci-fi should read. Messiah went a lot quicker, less complicated and fleshed. 5/10 I didn’t really enjoy it. Maybe I’ll push through one day…

King of Scars Duology: Leigh Bardugo

King of Scars, Rule of Wolves

I love love love Six of Crows, and I didn’t feel like reading Shadow and Bone just yet, so read King of Scars. 7/10 I probably should have read Shadow and Bone but now I probably never will, basically got the gist of it. Didn’t have a lot of background but the story is rly good. Love love love Zoya!!

A Court of Thorns and Roses Series: Sarah J Maas

A Court of Thorns and Roses, a Court of Mist and Fury, a Court of Wrath and Ruin, a Court of Frost and Starlight, a Court of Silver Flames

12/10. Perfect down to the last minute detail. Epic fantasy, worldbuilding that had my jaw on the floor. Must read.

Fourth Wing: Rebecca Yarros

9/10 quick and easy read. Loved the dragons in this one. I’m a sucker for Enemies to Lovers so I basically exactly what i signed up for. Little scared for series though… ahh!

From Blood and Ash Series: Jennifer L. Armentrout

From Blood and Ash, Kingdom of Flesh and Fire, Crown of Gilded Bones, a War of Two Queens, a Soul of Ash and Blood

4/10. First 2 books were really interesting, third one actually totally lost me and in the middle of the fourth I ended up reading all of the Cruel Prince books in the middle of it lol. Determined to not have a DNF this year so I came back, finished it, and read the god-forsaken Soul of Ash and Blood. 0/10 I hated every second of that book. It’s a complete retelling with maybe 2 or 3 chapters that are actually interesting. Yes, I know I read all 5. No, I have no technical regrets. Take that as you will.

The Cruel Prince: Holly Black

The Cruel Prince, the Wicked King, the Queen of Nothing

Good, no spice obvi and super popular but I loved Jude’s character and was obsessed with the politics. Super intriguing I blew through these. 8/10

Verity: Colleen Hoover

6/10, read it in like a day and a half but I don’t rly like thrillers, they scare me lol. It was good tho and my first Colleen Hoover book, not sure if I would read another one but I did really like this one and the ending was super crazy. read it as a palate cleanser after Cruel Prince. I’ve realized if I don’t have a non-high fantasy palate cleanser I fall into a reading slump lol.

Once Upon a Broken Heart Series: Stephanie Garber

Once Upon a Broken Heart, The Ballad of Never After, A Curse for True Love

OUABH is 9/10, honestly such a wonderful book, perfectly captures the hopeless romantic of Eva and allure of Jacks, but TBONA is SHOWSTOPPING!!! 12/10. So amazing, love the storyline, never bored, such good romance it’s the most well written romance I’ve read in a while- screeching halt for ACFTL- I’ve put my thoughts on this blog but it felt so empty compared to the lifeblood in the first 2 books in the series. Definitely worth the read though.

Throne of Glass Series: Sarah J. Maas

Throne of Glass, Crown of Midnight, Heir of Fire, Queen of Shadows, Empire of Storms, Tower of Dawn, Kingdom of Ash

Nothing to be said that’s not already been said. Amazing. I love sprawling epics. Not a ton of romance and tbh I’m not a Rowan girly. Defending Chaol til I die tho. 10/10

Twilight: Stephanie Meyer

6/10. I’ve written about this one but I just felt like it was super juvenile for my tastes, I was expecting to like it more and it was just kinda eh. Needed a little more something something but that is of course a me problem. I just think I am not a big fan of YA anymore.

The Invisible Life of Addie LaRue: V. E. Schwab

Wonderful story, totally lust for life after reading, made me so excited about the ending. I felt like there was so much more to be told which is like exactly how I wanna feel reading a book. 8/10

Divine Rivals: Rebecca Ross

At first I was not rocking with the pacing, I feel like this book could have been a lot longer. But when I finished it I actually was more on board with the speed and it was super sweet. Good found family aspect. 7/10 will for sure be reading the next one.

Plated Prisoner Series: Raven Kennedy

Gild, Glint, Gleam, Glow, Gold

I love love love LOVE these books! Pacing is amazing, you can see exactly how Auren’s trauma affects her character, Malina has gained a fan, just huge fantastic series here. Cannot wait until the last one is out. 10/10

Thanks for reading! Feel free to drop me a book review for 2024! Happy new year everyone!

[paperdoll-hearts]

I'm weird, just deal with it - Graham and Liz

“I’m weird, just deal with it.”

The response was a typical Liz response. Either brushing things off or making it into a joke, and the typical thing for Graham was to go along with it. It was the pattern. He followed her lead because he was accustomed to making everyone comfortable. A trait he picked up early in life because at least then people wanted to be around him. The rejection from his own family seeping into this desire to never have a reason for others in his life to be done with him.

“I don’t want to deal with it,” the honesty came out though the confidence did not come with it. He saw the look on her face, an assumption that he was being sarcastic so he continued before she could get her next quip in and he lost the nerve to say what he felt. What he had been feeling for months. “I’m actually really sick of dealing with it. For you just brushing it off and not taking me seriously. Then I just have to say, oh well. Because that is Liz. She doesn’t take things seriously. Nothing really matters. And you know what? For the most part that’s fine. I like how you are. I like that we joke and that at the end of the day no matter how much shit we give each other there is not one second that I don’t feel safe to be completely myself with you.” He knew it went both ways. That there was a freedom that they had in each other. That when everyone else failed to understand them they just got each other. Except he had been questioning that lately.

“But there are sometimes that honestly, you use this whole thing as a crutch. Like an excuse of there not being more to you and that’s bullshit. Because there is more to you than this ‘I don’t care’ attitude and there is more to us too.” He took a shaky breath as his bold words felt so foreign for him to actually say out loud. “Go ahead and make your jokes and act like it’s not true but it is. Me and you… There is something here. And we can keep hiding it with drunk makeouts and moments that we never acknowledge but it’s there and I’m sick of pretending it’s not,” Graham shrugged, a hopelessness in his eyes because there was the feeling that after all this he’d be met with nothing in return. “I’m sick of just being the guy that makes it is easy because I don’t want to spook you. And I don’t think I’m crazy either in saying there is something real here past the jokes and friendship.”

He looked down only because he wasn’t ready to face any rejection until he at least got it all out there. “I’m not asking you to admit you love me or anything like that. To even try and be with me in any way. I just… For just this one time be completely real with me, Liz.” He let his eyes go back to hers, pleading with her for honesty. “Do you feel it?”

[zerozeroren]

Yay! OC game! Tony, 🌹,🌏,🍩,🎭

🌹 ROSE - do they like valentines day? have they been confessed to before? have they confessed to anyone before?

Tony, being an absolute hopeless romantic, ADORES Valentine's Day. Can't have enough of it. The hearts and flowers, the pink, the lovey-dovey - he relishes in it shamelessly and wholeheartedly. Sometimes it backfires, though XD

As for being confessed to... Honestly no, he haven't. It was usually him who'd develop a crush and rush a confession, which never ended in a relationship, because he used to have this 'nice guy' problem of inventing a relationship in his head while the person in question had no idea and probably didn't even know he was there. So yeah, he often confessed, but wasn't ever confessed to.

🌏 EARTH - will they give up the world for someone they love? is this decision easy for them?

Again, being a hopeless romantic comes with certain mindsets. He would give up a world for a loved one and wouldn't bat an eye.

🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?

Anything whipped cream+milk chocolate, but especially profiteroles (the type where they're drowning in thick chocolate sauce)

🎭 MASKS - do they act differently around certain people? what's different between the way they act around friends, family, strangers, etc.?

Ohhh this is actually an excellent question concerning Tony specifically, because it's pretty much a cornerstone of his personality. Tony with strangers and Tony with loved ones are basically two different people, for a strange reason. Tony has this quirk of... Idk how to really explain, but when he trusts someone completely and fully, like a romantic partner, a best friend, a family member, he relaxes and turns off his brain? XD once his heart decided "yeah I can trust them!" he completely gives up control of the situation to whomever he trusts, he leaves all decisions to them and costs through, unburdened and unbothered, just being himself, laid back and obedient. Doesn't mean he can't take charge when it's needed, he can, but he doesn't unless the situation absolutely calls for it.

So when Tony is surrounded by strangers, colleagues, teachers etc, he is this serious, tense but aspiring young man, but when he's around his gang, his family or Sophie, he's this absolute goober, easy and goofy, doing his thing.

[tunabesimpin]

Thank you for the tag @kalu-luwa !!! I separated my post cause I can see this becoming very long TvT sorry if i shouldnt have!

ORIGINAL POST/ TAG! ^v^

Oc asks! : for Tuna!

😍 What's the most attractive personality trait a partner can have to them?

Being super playful or fun to be around! Basically a good sense of humor and always inviting you to do stuff! This can range from just playing video games together or watching youtube to actually going out to do stuff. Tuna just likes to be included and enjoys light-hearted joking!

🤣 What makes them crack up?

Potty humor, dad jokes, and cut-off jokes. They have old man humor. You show them a video with fart with reverb over someone tripping and they will very likely laugh. The man who got his free tacos only to drop them and video cuts off? HILARIOUS, COMEDY GOLD. Anything with a goofy sound replaced overtop the og noise? PURE GENIUS.

😡 What's one surefire way to make them angry?

Yell at them. Tell them their opinion is wrong, that they don't get a say in things, or they are absolutely gonna do something only because you know they will. This is 100% the most annoying thing for Tuna and they will just isolate/ stop talking to you LOL. If you push more they might snap at you with your most sensitive topics soooo watch your step.

😄 When are they at their happiest?

Listening to their fav music and playing around ^v^! Literally put on any song from their likes playlist while they want to play and they're on cloud 9. No thought only random flips and pacing to the song!

😭 What makes them sad?

Being the second choice/ left out completely- TvT The amount of times this has happened hurts, and usually Tuna finds out just on their own by chance. They'll pretend it doesn't change the friendship/ crush, but they usually just try to back off and not be clingy. This mostly applies when its one of their fav persons.

💋 What are kisses with them like?

Their kisses are either goofy and playful or quick and shy. Tuna loves to show affection, but never knows what's too much, so they play it safe bein a goof ball about it! But in some tender moments and after a lot of reassurance, Tuna will have the courage to give a sweet quick peck and then act like nothing happened behind a tomato red blush.

👻 What scares them?

Invasion of privacy and fear of depth (mostly at cliffs and deep ocean). Tuna can be paranoid on if they're being watched or if someone they don't trust/ know is too close. Cliffs are scary cause Tuna has a problem with depth perception. They still like hiking, but just nothing too steep. As for the ocean, they just really suck at swimming LOLOL. They never learned how to hold their breathe properly and are weak swimming. Also deep water is just really dark and has creatures yet to be discovered and as cool as that is it's also terrifying because Tuna is just a smol lil guy.

❤️‍🔥 What sets their heart aflame?

Include them in things and be physically affectionate. They're a hopeless romantic and will swoon at most acts of kindness. Head pats, back hugs, inviting them to hangout, Tuna is easy to please. Though surprisingly they don't fall often and even when they do you may never know.

🧠 What type of intelligence do they excell at? (Booksmarts, emotional intelligence, etc.)

They don't excel at anything LOL. If anything probably booksmarts? But it's more like jack of all trades, they just sorta logic their way through things and most times it works out for them. Just a lot of luck honestly.

🎂 How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

They get themselves a cake and their fav dinner! They don't really have a party or invite anyone since the incident (no one but their bestie came to their birthday despite inviting all their friends).

👗 What's their fashion sense?

They like comfy clothes! Tuna enjoys many styles and it really just depends if they feel in a certain mood! ^v^ But their most go to is big shorts and big shirt. Oversized clothes are great! Easy to move in and cozy.

❄️ How do they handle the cold?

They are a natural heater! Cold isn't too much a problem except for their piercings... Those metals get really cold so their ears tend to freeze the most! Otherwise Tuna just runs around a bit to warm up. Though they've never experienced weather below 4 Celsius.

and voila! the list is done LOLOL thank you again for the tag! Now no pressure tags! : @moomoomooing @oseathepebble @comingyourlugubriousness and anyone who wants to join in too! ^v^

[andstilliam]

yesterday i went for a walk to the walmart to get my scientific calculator for chemistry. i have a graphing calculator which we are not allowed to use for tests and exams. i probably could’ve had accessibility give the green light but i don’t even know how to use the graphing function very well first of all. secondly, it was giving me the wrong answers for stoichiometry equations. by getting the calculator at walmart instead of the bookstore, i saved about $5-8.  

today i finished my psych quiz, bio lab and my part of my biology lesson. i wanted to get that out of the way so i can focus on chemistry all day tomorrow and over the weekend to prep for my exam but i did not finish my to do list. so i have to work on it tomorrow morning before starting chem. i accidentally completed the 2nd quiz for psychology before the 1st one and it was on neuronal signalling which i actually learned about over the summer with action potentials so that was cool to come across familiar terminology. repetition makes revision easier. unfortunately i missed the chem exam review via teams today. i totally forgot about it. but that’s okay. there’s so much stuff online. i might skip chem tomorrow morning because it's posted online afterwards anyway and i really need to finish this bio lesson because i can't let it pile up later. the notes are endless for that course.

i’ve been some having some nausea and dizziness lately. i still have some zofran left and i’m thinking of taking them again. 

honestly i can’t believe how easy life can be when you’re treated somewhat fairly. even just realizing i can easily access accommodations, like it changes everything. i can’t believe all that discrimination over the years was done just to make me skinny, depressed, hopeless and self destructive. that’s so fucked up, like just tell me to be skinny to access the basics and pleasures of life and i will… that’s a fantastic life if you ask me! in that case, i think a lot of us enduring anorexics are much happier having acquired that knowledge, the truth (at least those of us with a level of functionality). i will sacrifice my health and a deluded sense of “recovery” if it means i can get a degree, absolutely i will. no problem at all! anyway, all that matters is that i look the part. so that’s coming soon and i will never let it gooooo. 

aside from whatever may be brewing outside of me, on an internal level, it was always important for me to solidify my eating disorder behaviours away from the health adversities i faced. there’s such a difference between being in active crisis and finding solace within your disorder. i spent so many years in crisis and feeling like i required a lot of help and care to do the bare minimum. some of that is still true, but it’s not the same. i don’t feel lost without direction the way i once did. i don’t feel like i’m going to die unless i get an MRI— i got one already, like i went through my round of treatment and i feel like i can relax now. i can relax into my long awaited, preferred and perfected behaviours. i waited so long for this, to just be. it’s the external world that creates chaos. it’s the propaganada surrounding eating disorders that makes you perceive yourself as wrong, as less than, like “recovery” is this beautiful journey to embark on and none of that is true. it’s just not true. it creates so much trauma in our lives. i never would’ve felt less than, i never would’ve felt not good enough outside of myself if these sick eating disorder circles didn’t exist online. i would just be going my merry little way and i’d get medical care for any and every complication to occur throughout my life. because life really is that simple. so it completely ruined my mental health and my life and it did for many others too. i’m not alone.

i spent so long completely unable to control myself. it was progressive and i knew something was wrong with me. i waited so long just to get help. for me, this is not a teenage phase or rebellion, anorexia is about being who i am because i find peace in sameness. and i was unable to control my food intake and my response to it as well and that is the sole reason for my suffering here on earth, since i was very young. it’s distressing. and i am not distressed by accepting that i cannot eat regular portions of food like average people and i can even have fun with it and make a game out of it. for me, eating is pain. always has been. my darkest days come from 1) undiagnosed epilepsy and bartter syndrome and 2) believing in a false recovery narrative that was created for the purpose of toying with our mental and physical health. i’m fine exactly as i am. the real barrier is the lack of access to medicine. you can’t wilfully deny care to anyone. a lot of people struggle with their eating but only some of us with poor mental health are chosen to combat the system because we have the right connections, or because of tokenism. think about how much better my life could have been if i was just treated fairly by the medical system, if i was allowed to just be, if jennifer gaudiani never entered my life, if edtwt never existed… i would have been free. anorexic or not. bulimic or not. epileptic or not. i would have been free. the internet destroyed my life. i don’t want to be apart of this. i just don’t understand putting people through hell, children, literal children through hell because you want to prove a point. if i was a doctor and i found out that essentially i’m violating my oath by killing people and tainting the careers of other doctors, i would quit my job for the greater good. you’re just as bad as them. you ruined my life when i could’ve had the chance to move on, to be treated…….and the only way i can contribute to this is by starving myself. you don’t think that my life has more meaning than that? fuck you. and then it looks like i’m refusing to comply with a broken entity rather than the system refusing to work for/ with me. pathetic. how does it feel to be the devil’s advocate? you were better off hiding in plain sight, a wolf in sheeps clothing, because i still would’ve been free. what’s that saying again? oh yeah, misery loves company. as long as my family can protect me from these horrible doctors and help me get a job, well, that’s a fantastic life, i must say. i mean, i’m pretty mad….i’m still processing but also, like, this is the coolest thing i’ve ever been apart of in my entire life. i feel like i’m in a spy kids movie except the doctors are the evil sadists entrapping us and i don’t have cool intelligence gadgets to stop them. spy kids is way cooler. hopefully i can contribute in other ways aside from maintaining a low weight, but whatever works, i guess. ;) 

hopefully next year i can take stats and cs courses again.

mom saw a neuro hottie today, she said. my future hubby will definitely be a neurologist or at least a neuroscientist! :P

[nerafris]

You’re sweet

I feel embarrassed because I have no idea what are you talking about, I had to search for every single game :(

…but the first scenario on wow seems hilarious if you want to piss off someone :p

Why do I have the impression that you are toxic towards people on multiplayer games? and if you don’t win you blame your teammates ahahah

I searched for MMO and couldn’t find anything, I’m sorry but what is even that :(

Unravel Two seems SO CUTE I might try

You should try Morocco Mint & Spices from Lipton or Masala Chai (made by yourself). They are quite good.

I’m so sorry you have to deal with that. And tbh I don’t think it’s your fault. But I do hope that every time you look in the mirror, you fall in love a little bit more with yourself every day and recognize the bravery, strength, and beauty that you possess. I also hope you find serenity to calm your heart and reduce your anxiety.

No need to be embarassed, there's such a huge variety of games that it's very easy to not intersect with a lot of them. Actually most people i know generally don't play any games i do and vice-versa. Actually your impression could not be more wrong :P I don't think i've been toxic to a single person in a multiplayer game in easily 15 years. There's very few things i hate more than it actually. Being mean to anyone, especially a stranger, for any reason whatsoever is completely unacceptable imo. Not only does it serve no purpose (i strongly dislike inefficiency (which is funny cause my brain is like the most inefficient thing ever but i digress)), but it also just specifically only harms people, and you never know what someone is going through, an offhand comment can have devastating consequences. If i witness someone i personally know being toxic to someone over a fricken video game, i will always instantly bring that to their attention and try to make them understand that it's extremely uncool behavior. I understand venting but there's infinitely better ways for it. If i participate in something and it fails i will always take responsibility and blame, usually way more than my share of it was but that's how i've been conditioned (my mistakes are the only things i can act on, so it only makes sense to only focus on those, and that then usually results in a magnified perception of said mistakes). This includes but isn't limited to team based games :3 MMO is a genre, the most famous example in it would probably be World of Warcraft. The genre isn't really that popular anymore, it kinda has too many issues to really work nowadays, but i love them ^^ Unravel Two is adorable and so much fun. You could check out the first one since that's a solo game, whereas the 2nd is definitely more fun with a fren :3 I'd love to try your recommendations but i'm doubtful i'd be able to get my hands on the lipton one. Eastern Europe and not being part of EU means fewer global products are available, and shipping is an insane pain in the butt. Masala Chai sounds doable so we'll try. I appreciate the kind words, and like i said, i'm trying to work through my stuff but it's rough and honestly feels kinda hopeless. I trust that gives some insight as to the hesitance for getting involved with someone. That's a lotta text, too much? Idk if i'm oversharing atp.