#honestly I just made a playlist for myself for this summer

[roo-bastmoon]

With 17 versions to buy and 8 versions combined for 160 streams per Spotify account, plus Melon and FLO streams now counting, of course Jungkook’s Seven is charting high and sweeping awards. Firstly because it’s Jungkook of course, and secondly because it’s been given every possible advantage.

My (perhaps controversial) opinions about that are below the cut.

Honestly? I really can’t feel good about any “first” or “most” or “fastest” records achieved by this single—catchy as it is—which wasn’t written or conceived by Jungkook and has nothing much personal or deeply meaningful about it. It’s a fun feel-good summer pop song, for sure, but no more groundbreaking than, say, Bad Decisions (in my opinion… I have no musical expertise.)

But I can’t feel super great about all the records and awards because this many versions immediately restocked and shipped and auto play and promoted to radio and ads and leadership hyping only this while Jungkook says he wants to be the one and only artist to conquer kpop and pop for the next thousand years… it all just doesn’t really sit right with me.

When compared to the 10 months Jimin forewent sleep, food, and showers to have a hand in every aspect of his first (and deeply personal and symbolic) album, which was never sent to radio or restocked, got split tracks and delayed playlisting and shady articles, plus not one kudos or congratulations from leadership even after he made history for South Korea and stocks soared…

Forgive me, but it all leaves a bad taste in my mouth. It is ruining the song for me.

Some things like culled streams and sales are out of the company’s control. But the things I mentioned above were all possible for Jimin’s Hot 100 #1. Even if every Tannie has total say in their projects' sales and marketing, and everyone was on board with only Jungkook getting the Hybe America "red carpet" treatment, I can’t lie and say the stark difference feels fine. It doesn't, and I confess I leave the headphones in every time Seven comes up in the playlists now.

I’m not jealous. If anything, I have a warped sense of pride that Jimin has done so fantastically well despite so many, many obstacles stacked against him. I love to champion an underdog and I’m glad I never need to doubt his success was organic. I actually feel extra admiration for how humble and hardworking he continues to be—no resting on any laurels for the It Boy. I'm so glad he is my ult-bias.

*sigh*

Listen to me.

I know Jungkook and Jimin are both genuinely good people. I know they are sincerely talented and hard working. I know they truly love each other. I know all members are legitimately happy for each others' success.

I know what’s important to me may not be important to them, nor what they want for their careers. And even if I feel their company’s making shitty decisions, I know my place as a fan.

So I trust them. And I simply hang in. I hope lessons were learned for smoother, fairer future releases. Because neglecting assets makes zero business sense, and perceived favoritism can erode the group’s bonds and tear ARMY apart. It is, frankly, just plain stupid.

So I may dislike things about their solo era rollouts and I can't bring myself to sugar-coat it; but I mostly try to keep my negative thoughts to myself and find things I CAN celebrate with other fans on an open timeline.

I never want another Tannie to feel anguished and misunderstood the way Hobi did about JitB’s physicals.

Watching Jungkook’s face here on his London live when he talks about people hating him just haunts me. It guts me. I can't stand it. That kid was going through it and I don't believe he has a malicious bone in his body, so it just really upsets me seeing him like that.

There’s so, so much about this company, this industry, this culture that I just don’t understand. But I trust Park Jimin completely. As long as Park Jimin loves and supports his members, God knows, I will too.

So!! On that note...

We have Jungkook’s birthday to celebrate next week and Taehyung’s album to support the week after that. I’m going to do my best to rest up and gather some good energy for these things!

And of course, we must congratulate our Jimin, who made history again today, and no matter what, will always set the standard. I just know he's cooking up something else for us with all these weeks of silence, and I cannot wait to go BERSERK for it whenever it drops.

I’m not really sure I had a point to this post. It’s just that I have been mulling all this over for a long time, and finally felt well enough to sit up long enough to come online and type up my thoughts.

I guess what I mostly wanted to share with my friends here is that it’s okay to feel really disappointed and even enraged at the way some things play out over the (hopefully life-long) careers of BTS members. Don't let folks gaslight you. Call it like you see it. (Maybe keep sensitive things behind a cut or in the DMs--and of course, please change your mind if you get better insight. In the end, only the Tannies really know what's going on with the Tannies.)

But while I’m still side-eyeing the company so hard right now, I’ve decided to love and support the boys as people and artists. I'm trying to believe the best in everyone. I’m still an OT7 Jikooker.

You don’t have to agree with me, and if you need to unfollow, I understand. But I figured I should just tell you guys (especially the new followers) where I am at with all this.

Love, Roo

[chaysreality222]

⊹₊*:ଓ ˖˚⊹

୭ৎ 𝒯𝐇ℰ 𝐊ℰ𝐘 𝒯𝐎 ℳ𝐘 𝒮𝐇𝐈𝐅𝒯𝐈𝐍𝒢 𝒮𝐔𝒞𝐂ℰ𝐒𝒮 ୭ৎ

hii lovelies! i've been seeing so many people make so much progress in their shifting journeys and manifesting their hearts desires ˚ ༘`✦ ˑ ִֶ 𓂃⊹ if you're interested, this post is going to be about what i believe is the key to all the success i've been having with my personal shifting journey. i believe it may help others as well! warning: this is going to be a bit of long post so, let's continue!

𝐈. 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐎𝐅 𝐈𝐓 𝐁𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐌𝐘 𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐉𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐄𝐘

it is my own shifting journey! a path that is personal to me, my wants, and my desires. being able to actually understand that and go about my shifting journey with that knowledge helped me a lot. as someone who consumed a lot of information about "how to shift" on tiktok, i became bombarded with the thoughts of "this is what i'm doing is wrong. in order to shift, i have to be like them and do a, b, and c!". which i learned is totally inaccurate! especially, with the amount of shifting methods you "should" or "need" to try in order to shift.

i learned that i don't have to be laid flat on my back (which is uncomfy for me), drink tea before bed, drink tons of water, meditate, and or blahblahblah to be "able to shift". i honestly never wanted to do any of that, but i tried it because i wanted to shift successfully like the others. it had me overcomplicate shifting so much that i'd become unmotivated.

it was only until i unlearned all those things that i actually started really get somewhere. i removed that belief of "i have to try [said shifting routine, method, etc.] and maybe, i'll be able to shift". i took control and i stopped putting so much pressure on myself. i did what i wanted to do and what i felt was good for me. if i don't want to try a method, i'm not going to. if i don't want to listen to that subliminal for shifting on repeat, i'm not gonna. being able to read someone's success story without feeling the need to try everything they did.

i stopped being toxic with my shifting journey. take this as a sign to stop forcing yourself to do things you don't want to do or feel the need to do. this journey is yours!

you can lay down comfortably and it won't affect your ability to shift!

you can go a few days or a week without listening to those shifting subliminals and still shift because you're a master shifter!

you don't need that method. that method doesn't hold your ability to shift, you do!

𝐈𝐈. 𝐋𝐎𝐀/𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐈𝐍 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆

the absolute life changer! i don't understand why i didn't really use it for my shifting journey before. it was only when i began using shiftblr is when i started seeing others using loa to manifest their shifting desires. then, i came across reya's 4 day reprogramming and that also was a life changer as well. though even after that, i was still kinda sleeping on that fact. this summer, i really made it apart of my shifting routine and it has done wonders! which is exactly how i manifested shifting to my hogwarts dr <3

i use notion for everything shifting related, especially manifesting! i have a small list of my beliefs and non beliefs that i like to robotically affirm to music, subliminals, ambiences, and or asmr (this is from reya's 4 day reprogramming, i've linked it to my post about when i did it!). next to that i have 4 tabs! one tab has vaunting (example: "i just came back from a shift from my hogwarts dr! i was there for 2 weeks!"), the other for the 3-6-9 method, the next for more shifting affirmations, and lastly for my blog here on tumblr (manifesting that i post talking about my shifting storytime's to my hogwarts dr). then ofc, i have a playlist of shifting subs that i use to manifest as well.

[examples of my shifting affirmations and beliefs: "i lucid dream every night!", "i effortlessly shift realties, even by accident!", "why am i so good at shifting?".]

since doing this i've been shifting by accident, making extreme progress on attempts, and this first time around i shifted through a lucid dream like i intended to. i'm not strict on myself about this stuff either. if i don't feel like listening to subs or reading over my affirmations, i won't. i can go days without doing that, and still manifest my desires! it doesn't affect me being a master shifter. also because once i wrote that affirmation down and desired said thing, i have set my intention and it will already manifest itself for me.

𝐈𝐈𝐈. 𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐅𝐘𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐄𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐃 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐌𝐄

again, i had to remind myself that it is my journey and that someone else's method may not work for me. i finally got fed up with going through trial and error with all these random methods, and began to consider my personal attributes. i know i'm good at lucid dreaming, i've always been that way. i love and can easily maladaptive daydream and sometimes visualize before i go to bed. i find saying a few affirmations in my head while i drift off to sleep helps.

just taking what i like and what i know i'm good at literally was what the best method was for me. in which is how i found that the lucid dreaming method was perfect for me. the daydreaming, visualizing, affirmations, and sometimes using a subliminal is what i do till i fall asleep. there's no pressure because they are things i like to do. then obviously shift to my dr through a lucid dream.

also keep in mind, you don't need a method. all you honestly need is intention to shift to your dr and then just shift! it's as simple as you make it. i personally like having a method because it helps me to remain focused on shifting.

if you want to shift to your dr when you fall asleep, don't make yourself try awake methods.

if you're not the best at visualizing, don't do it. make or find a method where that isn't required.

if you don't even want a method to begin with, don't have one or feel pressured to have one!

the moral of the story is that i stopped overcomplicating my shifting experience/journey and you shouldn't either. why do things you don't like or want to do? this is your journey, your path and the good thing about that is you have no one to consider other than yourself! do what makes you feel comfortable and what you feel is good for you. you're limitless and you already shift so effortlessly. as always, happy shifting!

xoxo, c!

[selkieioe]

read: playlists are super down below so keep scrolling!!

Our Life: Beginnings & Always.

Hello Hello! Welcome to my first ever post on tumblr that just had to be about my ultimate top tier favorite visual novel of all time..Our Life: Beginnings & Always or OL:BA for short.

This game has such a special place in my heart that im afraid I’ll forever be attached to it because at this point it’s not even a phase anymore lol. I still remember that heated summer day of scrolling down on my steam shop out of boredom and i kept getting recommended OL:BA but back then i really couldn’t care less and would not even spare a glance on it until i got so fed up of it popping up in my recommended for the next few days that i decided to finally check it out.

Reading what it was about made me curious but what really got me downloading it was because of the customization of our character/characters.

And finally into the game i was! I remember when the story started, i was very surprised already by the environment, narrative and world building of the game. It truly felt like i was part of it and i didn’t get bored at all. In fact right from the start i was hooked already!

I loved ALL of the characters that was introduced, i love the fact that it was SO multiple choice that it felt like you were really integrating yourself/oc onto the game and that you’re not just forced to say the same thing as a different choice or feel as though your options are limited. Its definitely a game that you’re supposed to replay over and over because its just that fun!!

And as someone who has never had a great childhood and adolescence, absentee parent, chaotic household, unsupportive friends, want to be understood (you know…this and that) i was so happy that this game was doing that and it genuinely gave me hope to live despite going through the darkest of times in my life :)

This game has changed me into a better person and made me want to be the best version of myself that i want to be in the future! I will infinitely recommend this to anyone who wants to have a feel good game/read (+1 it will make you cry!!)

Anyway enough yapping 💀 Time to get to the point.

Here are some playlists i made dedicated to the lovable characters of OL:BA that i personally listened to during my walkthrough and may relate to their route/lore ;)

read: playlists are super down below so keep scrolling!!

1# COVE HOLDEN

the og love interest!

summer with cove holden.

this playlist is the epitome vibes of the game (growing up with them and having fun, making memories.)

from beginnings to always with cove holden.

spoiler alert!! MARRIAGE DLC WOOOO!! really love this one cuz its all full of cute romance and wedding songs. i also put some songs that i think mc and cove would have when they get kids :3

#2 DEREK SUAREZ

MY PERSONAL FAVORITE!!

DEREK IS JUST SOOOO AAHHHH He’s my ideal man and i KIN him so bad you dont even know!!!

derek suarez crushing on you.

THIS PLAYLIST. IM TELLING YOU. one of the FAVES i made!! the pining, secret crush on mc for a loong time, the angst GOSH. so cute. every song in this plays a part on each moment with him i swear

#3 BAXTER WARD

ANGST MAN.

5 years after baxter ward.

one thing i noticed about our life is it lacks certain angst aspects when the baxter dlc didn’t exist YET back then. like i LOVED the fight between mc and cove in mcs room and i wanted it to escalate more ngl just cuz i LIVE for angst! but if you want to get real hurt you should choose baxter. this playlist focuses more on the last step of his dlc and its full of taylor swift songs.

baxter ward.

honestly this playlist is catered more to his vibes, his character (i listen to this playlist and i imagine edits of him lol) but i guess some songs are related to his story/lore? i made this waaay before 5 years after baxter ward and when the baxter dlc didn’t exist yet and we all just knew him to be as the new neighbor in sunset bird but people like it i guess so here it is xD

anyway thats all for OL:BA series! GB Patch is cooking up Our Life Now & Forever and it’s not released yet! just on demo on steam and itch! i already have a playlist for it but so far i have only made Qiu Lin (one of the leads of the game) i also have a privated filo inspired playlist for baxter if you want to listen to it let me know so i can put it up in public!

[marvel-ous-m]

Summer Child

W/C: 2,670

A/N: This is my birthday gift to myself! I was in the mood to write some steddie hurt/comfort and getting together. I hope you enjoy! Title from Conan Gray song (I listened to my moody playlist as I wrote this morning and it just kinda fit).

It’s not like Steve to cancel plans.

It’s completely out of character for him to forgo an event unannounced.

Eddie’s honestly not sure that’s even what’s going on. It’s more likely that one of the kids forgot to spread the news that Steve had a conflict, that the kids would have to find a different way home from their movie night.

A movie night which everyone in the party was invited to. A movie night hosted in the Wheeler’s basement that everyone showed up to- everyone but Steve.

When the time came to take the brats kids home, Eddie volunteered. Not only because he had the van- yeah, that was a pretty big motivator- but so he had an excuse to check-in on Steve afterwards.

Yeah, his house was out of the way, but if Eddie was already out and about, it only made sense.

That was the story he was telling himself, at least.

Eddie dropped the kids off one by one, ignoring their excited shouting and loud conversations. After a night of candy and soda, they were… a lot. Eddie made a mental note to make sure there were more healthy options next time, then groaned. He wasn’t their mothers, for Christ’s sake.

Eddie arrived at Steve’s house and practically jumped out of the car to make for the front door. Steve was probably fine- but in the off chance... it made sense to rush.

Eddie knocked three times, then rang the doorbell. When nothing happened, Eddie lifted the potted plant on the front stoop and grabbed the spare key underneath it.

Rich people were so predictable.

The door clicked open and revealed a dark house, save for the dim glow of the television in the family room. (Not the living room- that was a plastic-covered-furniture nightmare. The family room, which had a couch meant for sitting and actually contained life every once in a while.)

Eddie walked towards the light, which was soon joined by high-pitched voices and a slightly-annoying laugh track. Eddie turned the corner into the room, eyebrows raising at the sight that greeted him.

Steve was very much alive. He sat curled up on the center cushion of the couch, sock-clad feet barely visible. He wore an oversized sweatshirt, the hood pulled over his head, and was wearing what looked to be flannel pajama pants. He was covered in two blankets and stared blankly at the television screen, eyes glazed over in a way that would otherwise be concerning if it weren’t for his steady breathing and sluggish blinking.

He was watching... The Muppets?

Steve lifted a shaking hand to wipe at his eyes, then sniffed softly, his breath hitching.

Steve was crying to The Muppets. Which was probably the strangest sentence Eddie had ever thought in his life.

Eddie had only seen Steve cry twice. The first time was when Max woke up, the second was after a particularly bad nightmare that caused Steve to drive all the way to Eddie's house and ask to stay the night. Suffice to say, Steve didn't cry at just anything, and The Muppets was a weird thing to cry about. Eddie was fairly certain there was something else going on.

Eddie rapped his knuckles on the side of the doorway twice, keeping his posture relaxed in an effort to not scare Steve. He was intruding on a delicate situation, it was the least he could do.

Steve turned his head, surprise painting his face briefly. It was quickly replaced by a neutral, schooled expression. "Eddie?"

Eddie smiled softly, waving his fingers in a way that he knew usually made Steve break into a ridiculous smile. His expression didn't budge. Yikes. "Hey, Stevie. I just swung by to make sure you were okay. We had movie night tonight and you didn't show-"

"Fuck." Steve's face crumpled. He hastily covered his eyes with his hands, his thumbs rubbing small circles into his temples. "Shit. Fuck. I'm sorry, Eddie. Did the kids get home okay?"

Eddie took a few steps towards Steve, stopping when he was hovering awkwardly at the edge of the couch. "Yeah, everyone's fine. I took 'em home on my way here." Steve's breath hitched as he visibly grew more upset. Fuck. Change the subject, Munson. "What's got you so upset, sweetheart?" Steve let out a soft sob in response, and Eddie cringed to himself. WRONG CHANGE OF SUBJECT. ABORT. ABORT.

"It's- um, just... a bad day." Steve's whispered reply only increased Eddie's confusion.

"Like, today as in Friday is a bad day, or today as in... uh, August 22nd?"

Steve gave another choked sob, and Eddie pinched the bridge of his nose. Shit, he was fucking this up royally.

"S-sorry. Ugh, this is so stupid." Steve rubbed his eyes roughly, then ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

Eddie frowned, and, in a decision that he didn't take time to think through, he circled the couch and sat on the cushion next to Steve. Eddie then placed a hand on Steve's shoulder, squeezing once, twice. "Your emotions aren't stupid, baby. You're not stupid. What's going on? What can I do to help?" He thought he saw Steve's cheeks start to flush, but his hands moved to cover his entire face, so Eddie couldn't be sure what that was about.

The two sat quietly for a few minutes, the only sound in the room the low-volume crooning on Elton John surrounded by Muppet crocodiles. This show was a fucking fever dream. "Um- well, my parents called this morning, and I thought it was going to be to wish me Happy Birthday, that for once they'd remembered, but they were calling about wanting to sell the house, again, and it's just- fuck, it's just a lot. I've kinda just... been here since. Watching old reruns all day."

Eddie blinked, feeling a bit like he was drowning from that tidal wave of information. Still, one thing stuck out. "Stevie... today's your birthday?"

Steve chuckled humorlessly. "Yup. Officially 20."

"Oh... sweetheart, I'm sorry. If I'd known- if... wait, does anyone know?" Eddie didn't think as he moved his hand to brush a stray strand of hair away from Steve's face. Steve's cheeks flushed pink again, and seriously, what was that about?

Steve ducked his head, clearing his throat awkwardly. "Um... I think Nancy is the only one who knows. She snuck a look at my ID back when..." Steve trailed off. He took a steadying breath, then resumed. "She knows I don't like to make it a thing. I think tonight was her way of trying to celebrate, but I just... I forgot, and it's not that I like being alone more, it's just... easier?"

Eddie hummed in understanding. "I'm sorry you had to miss your own birthday party, darling. I'm sorry none of us knew- knew that it was today, knew what you were going through." Eddie placed his hand on Steve's knee, mentally working through how to fix the day.

"Thanks, Eds." Steve's hand moved to Eddie's, and he began fiddling with the rings on Eddie's fingers. If Steve could take a break from being cute, maybe Eddie could think better.

He'd been here all day, right? Did that mean... "Did you eat today, Stevie?"

"Hm?" Steve gave a distracted hum, then furrowed his brow in thought. "Nah. Just... been here. Haven't been hungry." Steve's stomach gave a betraying growl, and Eddie smirked.

"Not hungry my ass. What sounds good, honey? What do you have here?"

Steve shrugged, his expression growing guarded. "I-I don't know. Sorry. You don't have to- you can go, Eddie. I'll be fine here."

Eddie's heart broke a little. "I'm not leaving, Steve. Not on your birthday. Not like this. Why don't I go look in the kitchen and see what I can scrounge up, hm? Maybe you could find something to watch instead of..." Eddie turned towards the television, eyebrow raising at Kermit, now wearing a replica of Elton John's outfit. The Muppets writers room must have access to really, really good weed.

Steve followed Eddie's gaze, snorting out a laugh. "Not a Muppet fan, Eddie?" Steve didn't wait for Eddie to confirm or deny the allegation. Instead, he just gave Eddie's hand a squeeze. "I'll come up with something else. I've got some stuff I grabbed from Family Video's sale bin."

Eddie moved to stand from the couch, but Steve quickly wrapped his hand around Eddie's. "Um... thank you, Eddie. You don't have to do any of this- but you are and... I really..." Steve's eyes grew wet and he ducked his head down. "Thanks."

Eddie smiled. "Of course. I'll be right back, Steve." Eddie found the kitchen easily and began rummaging around, his thoughts wandering as he did. It was Steve's birthday. His parents called and didn't wish him Happy Birthday. They're trying to sell the house- does Steve have anywhere to go? How soon is this selling thing going to happen? Does anyone know? Why hasn't Steve said anything? He mentioned it wasn't the first time his parent's had asked about it...

Eddie let his thoughts consume him as he boiled some noodles and began heating canned tomato sauce. Spaghetti was really all Steve had ingredients for, and also seemed like the easiest thing for Steve to eat right now. He'd... never seen Steve like this before. He was always so brave. Hell, he was still being brave. Eddie probably wouldn't be able to cope if he got told that he and Wayne had to vacate their new home. It was hard enough getting kicked out of the trailer after the sudo-apocalypse.

Well... huh. That was a thought. Eddie's house. They did have more than enough room now. Three bedrooms, two bathrooms. The third bedroom was mostly storage, it would take less than an hour to clear out.

Eddie drained the noodles then stirred them into the sauce. He put two plates together, then returned to the Family Room. Steve was sitting quietly, watching the opening titles of Star Wars: A New Hope.

"Hey! Good choice, Stevie. An absolute classic. I found stuff for spaghetti, if that sounds good?" Eddie held out a plate, and Steve eagerly took it, a smile taking over his features. Eddie loved that smile. He would kiss that smile.

Wait, what?

"Thanks, Eds. Spaghetti is great. Perfect, actually. I really... I can't thank you enough. You've made the day so much better, and-" Steve glanced over at Eddie, and apparently saw something that made him pause. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Like what? Eddie could've said. Like I want to kiss you? Because that's a revelation I just had, and seeing as that's currently making me feel like I have a hoard of butterflies throwing a rave in my stomach, it's apparently a thought that I'm receptive to.

Instead, Eddie said: "Do you want to move in with me?"

Steve choked on his first bite of spaghetti, sputtering. "W-what?!"

"Fuck- sorry, ugh, I'm the worst at this- I just... I was thinking while I was cooking, and I realized- you said it was your birthday, but you also said that your parents called to talk about selling the house, and that it wasn't the first time they had said something about it, and I realized- um, maybe... maybe it was happening soon, whether you wanted it to or not. Maybe you were keeping it from all of us, because- you're brave, Steve. You're so brave. It makes sense- that you would think that you shouldn't- couldn't- burden us with something like this.

"But it's not a burden, Steve. You're not a burden. I-I can't imagine that finding a place to move has been very successful, what with Hawkins still rebuilding, and... well, Wayne and I ended up with the government-hush-money house, and they gave us way too much space. We have an entire empty bedroom right now. Which... why keep it empty if you need a place to live, y'know?

"You deserve good things, Steve. You've done so much for us... for me. You carried me out of hell, for fuck's sake. You saved my life. I- I care about you, and if I can do this small thing for you... fuck, man. It's no question. So... if you need a place still... um, move in with me?" Eddie punctuated his rant by taking a bite of spaghetti and ducking his head. Way to ramble on, Eds. Spot-on. Steve would definitely want to live with you after that absolute fuck-up of a request. Eddie swallowed his food, sparing a glance up at Steve as he did.

Steve was staring at him, face blank. Suddenly, Steve reached a hand towards Eddie's face, and for a split-second, he thought Steve was going to slap him or something.

Instead, Steve cradled his cheek, leaned forward, and-

Oh.

They were kissing. Steve's lips against his, the pad of Steve's thumb soft against Eddie's stubbled cheek.

Steve broke the kiss as quickly as he had initiated it, making a move like he was going to run off, but Eddie reacted before he could, lifting his hand to lay over Steve's on his own cheek, his other hand moving to cradle Steve's cheek. He smiled against Steve's lips, and Steve melted into his hold.

"I- I should've asked to kiss you, I'm sorry. I just... I've never- no one has ever said so many good things about me, and you've done so much, and... I've been waiting to do that for months, and I didn't really think, it just-" Steve was rambling now, and Eddie cut him off with another kiss.

"It's okay, baby. I... I think I only just came to my senses and realized that I've been crushing on you for a while, too. That's not why I asked you to move in, but... well, I guess there's even more reason to have you live with us, now." Eddie chuckled, giving Steve another chaste kiss.

Steve blushed, which suddenly explained every other flush of the cheeks that Steve had exhibited that evening. "I really appreciate it, Eddie. I would love to move in with you. My parents are coming in two days to make sure all my stuff is out so they can just sell the place, furniture and all, and I- I haven't been able to process it, so I just..." A tear slipped down Steve's cheek, which Eddie quickly wiped away.

"Oh baby. I'm so sorry." Steve's breath hitched again, and Eddie moved to pull his boy into a hug. Steve burrowed his face in Eddie's shoulder, and Eddie's hand found a home carding through Steve's hair. "Let's just relax tonight, hm? Have dinner, finish Star Wars, we can have a sleepover out here. Then in the morning we can tackle the packing situation. How does that sound, sweetheart?"

Steve nodded against Eddie's shoulder. "Sounds like a plan then, Stevie." They sat curled together for a few more minutes, until Steve's stomach gave another loud growl, forcing them apart so Steve could finish his dinner. Their legs stayed tangled together, and they continued to sneak glances at each other, a knowing smile traded between the two of them whenever their eyes met.

Long after their food was finished and the TV had gone to static, Steve and Eddie laid out on the couch, curled together. Steve was on top of Eddie, his face next to Eddie's ear, as Eddie carded his hand through Steve's hair- his new favorite pastime.

"Thanks for the birthday gift, Eds." Steve's tired whisper pulled Eddie from the sleepy haze he had slipped into, making him blink his eyes open.

Eddie smiled. "Happy birthday, baby." He pressed a kiss to the side of Steve's head and let his eyes close again.

Eddie knew this was the honeymoon phase, but he had a feeling that, with Steve, their relationship would always feel this way. He couldn't wait to have that feeling confirmed as they ventured into their futures together.

[joyus-whimsy]

Autism, special interests and Red Dead Redemption 2 (spoiler free)

Towards the end of last year I started properly playing Rdr2. I’ve had the game for years but never really devoted the time to getting into it. Now, I write this before I start the last quest of the epilogue, I’m so engrossed in this game. I feel an intense emotional attachment to Arthur and the game in general. This kind of attachment isn’t something I’ve let myself feel for a while.

I haven’t let myself have special interests because it annoys or weirds out people around me. I used to try and fight it, but I don’t want to anymore. I’ve realised a lot from deconstructing internalised and social ableism, (the countless cringe compilations lined with autistic people being really into something is a prime example.)

I’ve a playlist for Arthur with music that reminds me of him, reminds me of that intense emotional connection. It’s sorta my way of sitting in and feeling how I do instead of trying to have ‘normal’ attachments to things. I used to be (and to a point I still am) scared of this intense ‘obsessive’ feeling, but I miss having special interests. I’ve felt like a shell of myself for a while and depression sorta took over my life for a while.

I see the way my constant talk about rdr2 annoys the people around me, but I don’t know if I care that much anymore. That being said, last year I made a friend that I got along with instantly and they have quickly become my closest friend. They are also neurodivergent and I’m so thankful for them. They honestly inspire me with how much they love their special interests, and I’ve been making sure they know that I don’t find it annoying. I try to get into what they like because I love listening to and sharing people’s passions. But something new happened when I was sending them heaps of stuff about Red Dead, they were genuinely interested. They said they wished they could come and play it with me (it’s summer here and we both have summer jobs so have been unable

I think I’m done putting other peoples comfort above my own, and this is just one example of that. I’m done trying to fit in because I’m inherently different. I’m autistic and I have ADHD and I’m starting to learn how to ask for accommodations and advocate for myself. I’m learning to stop running from and masking my neurodivergence because it has only tired me out. I’m glad and proud that I’m doing this, and I feel like I’m slowly getting myself back.

I’m still scared, but I’m just going to keep going, I’m done running away. Frankly, I’m proud of that.

I’m trying to find people on here that I can talk to about it. People that like this game in the same way I do. So if you check out my blog and like the kinds of things I post or repost, maybe we could start a gc or something?

[kissmetwicekissmedeadly]

Ok let me ramble about the making of this challenge because I'm so excited.

I told myself that I'm going to take things easy this year and not do any challenges. The summer rolls in and I'm suddenly overwhelmed with ideas for characters I want to write summer smut fics with, but nothing specific comes to mind. I open my notes and try a new approach, writing down some locations. I'm always goofing around on there scribbling stuff and adding comments and all that, so what I did this time was circle the locations and write "top 10 hottest locations to fuck your ikemen this summer!". i snort and move on. Then i come back to it and I'm like wait.

So I really love things that are over-the-top cheesy and basically a parody of something (hello Cupid Parasite nation - the grand amount of 2 people reading this - I'm talking exactly that kind of stuff), i think it's fun in a very goofy way. so i thought wait that's perfect, I'm gonna make a challenge that's a parody of a magazine giving sex tips! I'm a genius!

and then i was like WAIT i can make so much for this, on the banner image. and i was OVERWHELMED WITH IDEAS. this is the first challenge that the creation of the prompt lists has been like 20% of all the work. I'm not even sure if they match the quality of everything else at this point, but my personal favorites are the summer wedding one and the abandoned mansion one - for the latter i got to write "(caution!)" which made me giggle and this one was actually a joke i decided to leave in there.....

so i get to the making of the banner and I'm like hey you know what would be cool? if i asked some artist friend of mine to feature one of their arts that fits the topic, on the banner. then i remembered I'm an artist myself............... and this was very risky because, i don't have any patience when it comes to drawing with my tablet (I'm working on this i swear), this might be coming from my writing tendencies but i need it to be done in max 2 hours and I'm mad because i don't have the skill to make it look good in two hours. but a miracle happened and Liam actually looks good. the coloring is very sloppy but oh my god I'm proud of it. i love Liam so much. I'm just halfway through his route but he's been on my mind a lot and you can say he's the reason this challenge happened at the first place, because HE'S the one who i want to write a smut fic with this summer the most.

then i had another great idea, of adding checkboxes in front of the "sex tips" which works both for the imaginary purposes of it as a magazine AND for marking which prompt you're done with as a creative!!! at this point I'm so excited to work on it

then i spent the next two days looking at so so so many pictures of y2k magazines for inspiration and they're so cool to look at oh my god have you seen them. i never had a thing for this specific aesthetic but suddenly i do? and i go to csp and i vomit all the inspiration I've soaked up into what is now the final product, and i honestly i love it. it feels very personal somehow because i made it in my favorite colors, it's chaotic and makes it hard to focus on one thing at first glance in a very adhd fashion, it has someone i like on it, it's basically a combination of all i love to do from art to writing to graphic making........ this banner is Me kdgkjhgkd okay what else was i gonna say

i also have a playlist of 90s pop songs that i listened to while making this! i might post it one of those days actually!

one thing that i didnt get to include on the banner: to give it a more authentic magazine look i thought about adding something that has nothing to do with the challenge, and that was going to be: something like "the weather this weekend" - basically Friday Saturday and Sunday but instead of degrees there are chibi heads of characters and it says "roger hot" "masamune hot" "gilbert hot" (the third one is marked to be deadly in some way)..... i ended up not doing it because, no space, too confusing, and too much work because likely i would've wanted to draw these myself too. but oh well!!

ANYWAY, i just wanna say, i hope you see the challenge and think "mo had fun with this", because that's the Truth. i have a bit of a problem with overdoing everything and making my projects too massive at times but i promise at no point did i overwork myself with this!!! and if i end up writing like 10 fics it would be same with them okay.............. i had a lot of these awful days in the past few months when i was completely numb and couldn't look at anything, so I'm trying very hard right now to cling to things i feel passionate about. thank you for your attention!! i hope someone has fun with this challenge as much as i do!!

[thefairylights]

Starting off Kinktober 2023 @vampirefest with a playlist! Sexy songs for sexy prompts of many types. No set ship so we vibe with every pairing. Whatever feels right, is right. ❤️🖤❤️

No more sunlight. The moon awaits us. ⚰️

Now, on to your knees to click that link, my companion heart.

31 tracks for 31 days.

one: mack loren/if i didn’t know better

I take my time and study your face

Thinking of a different place for it to be while you keep

One hand on my waist, you grip my thigh

Heart starts to race

Like you could taste what I'm tryna hide

two: zolita/holy

I can fight but the devil wins

And I will fall like a saint who sins

Forgive me Father, I am weak

And it's not forgiveness that I seek

three: the marias/hush

Don't think you've made it under my skin

Could never get in

Forget about it

Don't talk so much

Your tongue is burning up

I've had enough

four: elley duhe/middle of the night

These burning flames, these crashing waves

Wash over me like a hurricane

I'll captivate, you're hypnotized

Feel powerful, but it's me again

Come, lay me down

'Cause I know this

'Cause I know this sound

five: saint mesa/lion

You burn everything you see

Gold are your fingers

Leaving traces everywhere you go

Diamonds in your skin

My blood flows

six: chloe adams/dirty thoughts

I'm frustrated

Do you really look good naked

And I know that it ain't that holy

But Lord I need this one night only

The more that I push 'em away

The more that you're stuck in my brain

The more I mentally undress

I confess

seven: king mala/she calls me daddy

She's a little bit psycho

But she follows

When I call in the middle of the night

She's got you wrapped around her finger

You try to linger

But she's already on her way to mine

eight: hey violet/unholy

Say your name while our tongues are tied

Getting shivers all down my spine

We're in bed, we're embedded in my mind

nine: hozier/eat your young

I'm starving, darling

Let me put my lips to something

Let me wrap my teeth around the world

Start carving, darling

I wanna smell the dinner cooking

I wanna feel the edges start to burn

ten: chandler leighton/when you say my name

Does it scare you

That I already know what you're into?

You can say less, I bet I can guess

That'll you say whatever to get me undressed

Double dare you, tell me two lies

Don't need no truths

'Cause I can see right through you

You're no good at pretend

I'm using your tricks that you use with your friends

eleven: dezi/sinner

Lead us not into temptation

Your touch is feeling like salvation

If you're down for misbehaving

If you're liking this sensation

Pin me on your wall like an icon

And I pray that you leave the lights on

twelve: banks/fuck with myself

You're in the corner waiting for my love

I put two walls behind you just to lean on

Kinda need 'em 'cause I stood you up

'Cause I fuck with myself more than anybody else

thirteen: dove cameron/breakfast

I'm sick, yeah, I'm sick

And honestly, I'm getting high off it

Do you wanna see a magic trick?

'Cause you don't know what you don't know

But I know

fourteen: lana del rey/freak

Flames so hot that they turn blue

Palms reflecting in your eyes, like an endless summer

That's the way I feel for you

If time stood still I'd take this moment

Make it last forever

fifteen: ari abdul/taste

I'm begging you, untie this noose

Want your hands 'round my neck

I'm begging you, come be my muse

You're all that I have left

sixteen: ag/terrible thing

Oh honey, you're so cold

I lose my self-control

seventeen: jesse joe stark/fire of love

Your kiss rips through the shadows

Lipstick poisons this black rose

Haunted and torn from the heavens

You pull the petals from my mouth

They fall and tenderly black out

Baby, it's been so lonely

eighteen: zaryah/deep dive

Deep dive into my lips

Heat of your breath takes me into your abyss

Hold tight, I'll fulfil every need

Head up, you got me down on my knees

nineteen: lana del rey/gods & monsters

In the land of Gods and Monsters

I was an angel looking to get fucked hard

twenty: darren hayes/insatiable

Breathe in breathe out, there is no sound

We move together up and down

We levitate our bodies soar

Our feet don't even touch the floor

twenty-one: melanie martinez/high school sweethearts

If you can't handle a heart like mine

Don't waste your time with me

If you're not down to bleed, no, oh

If you can't handle the choking, the biting

The loving, the smothering

'Til you can't handle it no more, no more

Go home

twenty-two: ramsey/daddy

Baby, you're divine, I leave my body

Suckin' on your tongue, gold teeth, come find love

twenty-three: massive attack/paradise circus

Love is like a sin, my love

For the ones that feel it the most

Look at her with her eyes like a flame

She will love you like a fly will never love you again

twenty-four: aeseaes/desire

I'm an old

Desire

Sleeping in your skin

I'll take you over

And let you hide

And let you hide

twenty-five: natalia kills/problem

Sweat, dripping down your chest

Thinking 'bout your tattooed knuckles

On my thigh boy boy boy

Cold shower... you got no power to control

How I make you my toy toy toy

My hips rocking

As we keep lip locking

Got the neighbors screaming

Even louder louder

twenty-six: the pretty reckless/going to hell

Gettin' heavy with the devil, you can hear the wedding bells

twenty-seven: meg myers/desire

Baby, I wanna fuck you

I wanna feel you in my bones

Boy, I'm gonna love you

I'm gonna tear into your soul

twenty-eight: soap&skin/me and the devil

And I said hello Satan, ah

I believe it is time to go

Me and the devil walkin' side by side

twenty-nine: chymes/gity

You can trust in me, no, you don't have to hide

Have anything you want, just tell me what you like

Bring out the devil in you, it can't hide

I feel the fire trapped inside

thirty: banks/gimme

At the rock bottom baby crawl, crawl

I let you lick it from the ground, ground

'Cause I've been drippin' for your love, love

You can call me that bitch

thirty-one: nine inch nails/closer

I wanna fuck you like an animal

I wanna feel you from the inside

I wanna fuck you like an animal

My whole existence is flawed

You get me closer to God

You just have to nod your beautiful head and say yes 🩸🩸🩸

[biscuits-of-bagend]

Andy Murray - The Flowers We'll Remember

I made this playlist halfway through the week, in between victories one and two. It tells me the story of Andy Murray's career as I experienced it, through songs that mean a lot to me, which is to say it might not make much sense to anyone else! So I've included some explanations below.

The title is related to a passage from the Ali Smith novel 'Summer'. It's about a summer day that told the gods it wanted to last forever, which the gods found hilarious.

Halfway Right by Linkin Park - 'I scream at myself when there's nobody left to fight', representing my earliest memories of Andy Murray, which involved a lot of him screaming at himself.

Hard Times by Paramore - Losing to Federer and Nadal and later Djokovic, but jauntily. A young man's losses.

The Heart Never Lies by McFly - 2012 Wimbledon final on-court interview 🥺

Love Forty Down by Frank Turner - I know he was 40-0 up at the end of the Wimbledon final, but functionally going from 40-0 to 40-Adv is basically the same thing 😂

Hold On by Twin Atlantic - back injuries :/ still sort of felt like it would all work out okay though, at least that was my understanding of it I think.

Don't Stop Me Now by Queen - Davis Cup at the end of 2015 through to World Tour Finals at the end of 2016. A euphoric period (ignore any losses to Djokovic in grand slam finals, we don't need to talk about those), but hard to look back on without thinking about what was coming.

Airfield by Enter Shikari - The Hip. Queens 2017 & 2017 Wimbledon QF to Australian Open 2019 'retirement'.

Wetsuit by The Vaccines - so get a hip operation, come on, come on

Get Better by Frank Turner - Bursting back to life/resurfacing in Cincinnati 2019. Also makes me think of 2019 'Resurfacing' documentary even though that didn't come out until later in the year.

Walk by the Foo Fighters - omg I've just realised I was thinking of the US Open 2020 not 2019... welp, timey wimey I guess, insert your preferred moment of watching Andy figure out how to play with his new hip

Mountains by Biffy Clyro - Antwerp 2019

Getting Old Sucks (But Everybody's Doing It) by Bowling For Soup - Pandemic through to 2023, including the post 4am fightback from two sets to love down against Thanasi Kokkinakis (see pics below). Getting old does suck, but Andy was really good at it.

Forever's Not Enough by McFly - "I want to play forever" (Wimbledon 2024)

26 by Paramore - a sad quiet song about hope, ie the only thing I was holding onto during the first half of that match against Nishikori and Daniel, which, lest we forget, was horrible

The Last Song by McFly - from 5 match points down through to breaking back in the second set against the Americans. Just pure fucking magic ✨ (thank you Dan!) ~~Epilogue section~~

Growing Up Beside You by Paolo Nutini - Andy Murray may be 11 years older than me, but so many of my memories of watching him play are tied to memories of times in my life. For example, I watched the 2016 World Tour Finals semi-final against Raonic in my student union, and vaguely remember trying not to show how stressed I was. I'm currently the age he was when he won Wimbledon the first time, so that's not terrifying at all...

The Way I Loved You (Taylor's Version) by Taylor Swift - I do really like Jannik Sinner but this could sort of be read as an indirect towards him? Although tbf watching post-puke Sinner power through tournaments has been its own kind of awesome. Honestly though, I don't think anyone will ever make me feel as much of a "rollercoaster kind of rush" on a tennis court as Andy Murray did anyway, not even the stress of watching Grigor Dimitrov try to hold a lead ❤️

Wouldn't Change a Thing - I really really wouldn't, and I hope Andy feels the same. Well, I mean, he'd probably choose not to have a hip injury, but you know what I mean 😆

[ladyartichokie]

for the soft ask game: 10, 25, 30

<3

Thanks for the ask!

10. What's something you're excited for?

Elementary school summer camp starts tomorrow and I'm a counselor! The middle schoolers finished last week and now I get to do all of the same crazy stuff but with the little ones!

25. What's the best personal gift someone could give you (playlist, homemade card, etc.)? Oh gosh, this is kind of hard. Prepare for rambling. Almost all of the gifts I give are things I made myself (usually some kind of embroidery), so I really appreciate the work that goes into personal gifts in general. I guess something that I can keep for a good long while and bring with me--something tangible--would probably be my favorite (like the embroidery I do, so perhaps a pillow or something like that?) I suppose that it goes without saying since the gifts in question are personal, but honestly I just love gifts that show that the person thought of me. So, for example, I still absolutely cherish the mood board @hiddenvioletsgrow made for me because I get to have it everywhere I go (as my phone background), it was made specifically for me/shows that she knows me, and because it gave her the opportunity to do something she enjoys (making mood boards). Does that make sense or am I just typing incoherently? I feel like this was kind of a non-answer

30. What reminds you of home (doesn't have to mean house... just things that remind you of feeling at home)? Spending time in Adoration. IDK if you actually know what that is since it's a Catholic thing, but it's really the only thing that has ever made me feel like home.

<3

[unrealization]

ᴡʜᴀᴛ ᴍᴀᴅᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘɪᴄᴋ ᴜᴘ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴜʀʀᴇɴᴛ ᴍᴜꜱᴇ(ꜱ) ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ?

Well, this account was me desperately grasping for the feeling doing RP used to give me. It started with a desire to write certain characters from Dead By Daylight, but I figured I may as well add every character I've written in the past as well so I could finally have the space to keep them all at least somewhat alive. I could go into more specifics for specific muses, but we'd be here all day.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ᴅᴏɴ'ᴛ ʟɪᴋᴇ ᴛᴏ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ?

To be honest? No. Unless I get stuck writing the same type of plot over and over again I'm pretty much happy to do anything. I'm sure everyone gets the ick from something every now and then, but it tends to be something I stumble into. There are a few ships that I simply won't write if that will suffice as an answer.

ɪꜱ ᴛʜᴇʀᴇ ᴀɴʏᴛʜɪɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʀᴇᴀʟʟʏ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ᴡʀɪᴛɪɴɢ?

Angst, I guess. I like putting characters in dark places so they can really show you who they are. I actually struggle with characters who are too well-adjusted and happy. My home is in the cracks in their psyche.

ʜᴏᴡ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴄᴏᴍᴇ ᴜᴘ ᴡɪᴛʜ ʜᴇᴀᴅᴄᴀɴᴏɴꜱ?

Oh of course. Every single character I've ever thought seriously about has a few. I don't think anyone doesn't, despite some people saying so. There are simply so many gaps in your average story to be filled that we feel compelled to fill them. Canon tells me how a character behaves in their element, and I NEED headcanons to take them out of that element.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡʀɪᴛᴇ ɪɴ ꜱɪʟᴇɴᴄᴇ ᴏʀ ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀʏ ᴍᴜꜱɪᴄ?

Music, for sure. I have a very large writing playlist that I've compiled over the years filled with music that inspires me without being too distracting. Sometimes I will actually pick music to fit the mood of what I'm writing to keep myself focused. It is basically the only antidote for losing myself in a thought black hole at times.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴘʟᴀɴ ʏᴏᴜʀ ʀᴇᴘʟɪᴇꜱ ᴏʀ ᴡɪɴɢ ᴛʜᴇᴍ?

It depends. Generally I like to give myself a little outline if I can. Plan out certain beats that I need to hit in a reply. Other times the idea just hits like a wave and I just let it carry me out.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ᴇɴᴊᴏʏ ꜱʜɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ?

Oh yeah, of course. Its funny because in the context of RP I've actually found myself enjoying really random ships I would have never considered otherwise but I had a great partner and we made it work somehow.

ᴡʜᴀᴛ'ꜱ ʏᴏᴜʀ ᴀʟɪᴀꜱ/ɴᴀᴍᴇ?

Irons! Yeah I'm not sure I even remember where it came from or when I started using it, but it is unique enough, and I'm attached to it. Several IRL friends even call me Irons. It is literally nothing like my real name, either.

ᴀɢᴇ?

30. Been writing since I was 9 if you want an idea of how much time its been for me.

ʙɪʀᴛʜᴅᴀʏ?

August 15th!

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ᴄᴏʟᴏʀ(ꜱ)?

I tend to be drawn to reds. Go figure, right?

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴏɴɢ(ꜱ)?

Impossible to pick a favorite.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ᴍᴏᴠɪᴇ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

I think it was When Evil Lurks. Very interesting movie, but don't watch it if you're not down to see some fucked up shit.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱʜᴏᴡ ʏᴏᴜ ᴡᴀᴛᴄʜᴇᴅ?

Invincible.

ʟᴀꜱᴛ ꜱᴏɴɢ ʏᴏᴜ ʟɪꜱᴛᴇɴᴇᴅ ᴛᴏ?

No More What Ifs

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜰᴏᴏᴅ?

I'm very into sushi. Please try to find a good sushi place near you, I promise you won't regret it.

ꜰᴀᴠᴏʀɪᴛᴇ ꜱᴇᴀꜱᴏɴ?

Autumn. Big Haloween fan, and it means Summer is over.

ᴅᴏ ʏᴏᴜ ʜᴀᴠᴇ ᴀ ᴛᴜᴍʙʟʀ ʙᴇꜱᴛ ꜰʀɪᴇɴᴅ?

Honestly? No. I don't know what it is, but I feel like I barely talk to anybody here. Its not that I don't want to, I'm just never sure what the best way to engage is. I guess I'm inclined to say topaz (@ruiination/@ochazos) But that barely counts since we know each other outside of the site. Still I wouldn't be here at all if it wasn't for them always encouraging me so I'm comfortable naming them as such.

tagged: Stolen from @yukcri

Tagging: Anyone who wants to!

[linguenuvolose]

2024 goals - January progress

Looking back I've honestly been doing super well with my goals this month! I'm very proud! It's small steps but they are making me feel good and like I prioritize things that I value which ultimately is what I want. I've been feeling calmer in life this month, that the avalanche of life changes is slowing dow finally which feels so good! I have however also had a lot of doubts and sadness and stress so it's a lot of both. Currently I'm feeling scarred but happy but stressed but calm. All over the place insomma.

Goals progress under the cut because if there's one thing my linguist ass likes to do it's saying words.

Get back into a reading routine

I have read a bit this month but nothing extraordinary. I don't know if I should do some kind of discipline thing like I have to read on my way to work every day for a week, just to see what happens. I think that could work because I do enjoy reading but I fall out of habit with it.

Meet friends at least once a month (= get better at reaching out, would be cool to reach out to people I never really knew but always found cool too!)

I've honestly hung out with a lot of friends! One I reached out to and it was so nice to catch up and it felt normal and like no time had passed. He also said he was happy I had reached out and that we should try to meet again soon. I got to meet one of my boyfriend's friends and she was super cool and fun! And then I was invited to a birthday party with some friends that I hadn't seen since summer. It was good to reconnect with them and it feels like it makes the first step to reaching out to them again less daunting. I was also very proud of myself because I managed to buy a gift without freaking out which is a huge thing for me! I also already have 2-3 hangouts planned for February. I want to be careful though to not plan too much because I kinda did this time last year and it sent me into a panic so I have to balance just chilling some weekends too.

Do the damn exercises for my back :( (possibly start going to the gym or join a sport of some kind (I would love to do salsa or boxing))

I haven't been great at doing my exercises at all (I've done them maybe 2-3 times all month...) and my back has been hurting more/in a different way so I should get on that. I've gone to two salsa classes so far though! I'm so happy I signed up for the course! I don't know that it's necessarily doing anything for my back but I get to move one hour a week. I'm trying actively to have fun and enjoy moving my body so it's nice! I do think group classes are good for me. Like if I would've been like let me start going to the gym I'm not convinced that I would do it consistently. I'm thinking maybe I should find some other class once this salsa one is over..?

Get better at Portuguese (I find it so difficult to define a level because what is my level now even?)

I haven't worked super hard on this but I listened to a few episodes of Respondendo em voz alta one week. I also searched for some kinda indie music and made a playlist. I think I did some Duolingo but now I've downloaded Busuu again so I'm working through that again. I actually finished that whole course when I kinda speedran in back in August but there are so many things I don't remember so I want to do it more properly now. I want to find a way to practice what I learn better so that I actually retain it but it's difficult.

Get my license (my permit expires in a year so I kinda have to)

I had one lesson.... It went super well and it felt good but it's kinda just the thing of finding available times. For February a goal is to make my boyfriend do the course thing so I can drive with him. I should also start studying the theory honestly. It's time I think

Get back into the habit of going on walks

I went for one walk last Saturday when the weather was beautiful! This goal I think is honestly more of a "how many hours of sun is there in a day" than anything else. Of course I don't feel tempted to go for a walk in my low-key unsafe neighborhood at 8 pm when it has been dark for 4 hours and it's -5 c you know.

Go to the theatre more (youth discount my beloved) and also to some museums!

I haven't but I started following some theaters and museums on Instagram to keep a bit more up to date with their program and hopefully get inspired to go to stuff that interest me! I did go to a poetry event, a concert and a movie so I got some culture!

Improve my sleeping schedule

I've added this goal later because like second week of the year I said to myself it's not cute to always sleep too little anymore. And then I kinda just... had a mindset change, said to myself girl you should start going to bed earlier and now I sometimes do. Which is huge compared to before. I've noticed that often if I start preparing for bed earlier I expand the time and like start cleaning the kitchen and stuff so I don't necessarily sleep earlier but I think it's still good I start slowing down and rewind earlier. I still never ever sleep 8 hours on a workday but maybe bit by bit I will get there.

[astralscrivener]

Re: The Fic Ask Game

20. 43, 77, 86

you don’t gotta answer all of these, I just wanted to give you options 🥰❤️❤️

Also bonus! #5 cause I want you to be able to hype your playlists if you’d like to 🥰❤️❤️❤️🤝

I love you E❣️🥰❤️❤️❤️🤝 have fun darling! 🥰❤️

5. have you ever made a playlist about something you were writing as an elaborate means to procrastinate when you could have been actually writing and if yes drop a link, son

since these are fanfic asks i will drop links to fic playlists!

stealing our own place in the sun: season 4 | season 5 | season 6 | season 7 | season 8

at skyfall

secret project #1

secret project #2

20. what is your favorite trope to write?

oh god. it always ends up boiling down to "things are getting really dangerous and i don't know who we can trust, but if no one else, i trust you." the sheer fucking DEVOTION of it all. the only certainty in a world full of uncertainty. the anchor against the tides of chaos. it's SO. IT'S SOOOOOOO

(the "let's go undercover as a prisoner and the guard assigned to them" trope that i also always gravitate towards falls under this, imo)

43. how did writing change you?

it gave me an outlet. i have a lot of emotions all the time always and a lot of them very negative and writing has given me an outlet for them. sometimes i make a character go through bad things just to beat the shit out of them until i calm down. sometimes i make them go through bad things to get the catharsis of seeing them overcome it (the more hurt, the sweeter the comfort, and i love comfort). sometimes i make them go through things (usually emotional things) similar to what i'm going through so i can kind of walk myself through processing it. and sometimes i want to write a villain so i can get all my evil evil evil thoughts out onto the page without actually hurting anyone. except my blorbos and ocs. sorry to my blorbos and ocs. it will happen again

77. how do you write kissing scenes?

i don't

but the real answer is it's HARD. i struggled for a long time and then i got some really good advice and i cannot for the life of me remember where it came from. it might have come from a romance writing class i took for my mfa. it might have come from some blog, maybe tumblr, maybe elsewhere. or it might have come from nico beta'ing my fics. but the point is: the actual kiss is not the point

it's about the buildup. it's about the intimacy. it's not the physical action of the barbies smashing faces, it's the little touches as the people kissing pull each other closer, the little noises they make, the surging and swelling emotions inside of them. if two random people kiss and we just see their faces mash, it's not exciting. but if we watch them hesitate, if we watch their lips brush and they pull back, briefly, nervously, before surging back in for each other, THAT'S the good shit

anyway i hate writing kissing scenes

86. which season best matches the mood of your wip(s)?

oh god. gut reaction is fall or winter. on occasion spring or summer. i can come up with a justification for pretty much any season but fall and winter came to mind first. fall is a season of change. things are dying and decaying. it's a gorgeous time of year, it's my favorite season, but there's always a bittersweetness to it. and something about it feels dangerous. it's getting colder. the nights are getting longer. it's building towards the longest night of the year on the winter solstice.

and then winter is a time of freeze. everything is dead, slow, hibernating. things honestly seem kind of hopeless. but gradually the days start getting longer. resolve starts building back again. many characters are Going Through It, and there are always a few unaffected, maybe even strengthened by the cold and stillness to be the backbone of the group, carrying them through until spring comes again

where was i going with this

fanfic writer ask game!

[corpish]

10 random facts about your childhood/teenage self and 10 about your adult self.

10 fun facts about my childhood/teenage self:

I learned (and still know) how to play piano, marimba, and various percussion instruments (ex. snare drum, drumset, etc)

My most-eaten food until college was peanut butter sandwiches (honestly, I feel like I averaged 1-2 a day)

In high school, I got paid to perform "Love is an Open Door" as Hans (my friend was Anna) for a child's birthday party

I bought my first laptop from my hometown priest

In like 5th grade, I unfortunately got a really bad haircut once and my family and I agreed not to take photos of me until it grew out (so there's like literally no photo evidence, but it sucked and I def cried lol)

Two friends and I had a YouTube channel in middle school where we would do sketch/improv comedy

In high school, I did an internship with Univision, got to help do lighting production for the 2015 Premios Juventud award show in Miami, and ~technically~ worked for artists like Pitbull, J Balvin, Maluma, Karol G, and Fifth Harmony

I was really into music mashups to the point where I taught myself how to use music software and made a ton of mashups of my own

In middle school, I once won a hula hoop competition

I decided on a somewhat whim to run for senior class president in high school and won, becoming the first Latinx president in my school's history(!!)

10 fun facts about my adult self:

In college, I gave a TEDx talk a niche topic I'm passionate about regarding the intersection of music and politics

I flew on an airplane for the first time and spent a month and a half backpacking across northern Spain

I was once interviewed by Ziwe on her TikTok Live

In college, I mentored a guy who's now an NBA All-Star?!? (Darius Garland!! the main reason I've semi-kept up with the NBA)

I worked as a radio host in Nashville for a little while and got to interview artists like the Jonas Brothers, Lady A, and one of the Fifth Harmony girls (her hairstylist also found me on insta and asked to hook up lmaoo)

I candidly have over 200+ playlists on Spotify...

This year I officiated a wedding for the first time! (for two of my friends from high school!)

I've really gotten into songwriting over the past few years and written a bunch of songs for fun and therapeutic reasons

I had my first threesome and foursome last autumn, the latter of which led to my bf and I becoming more than "just friends" lol

I saw Post Malone and hung out backstage for free earlier this summer because my cousin opened for him??? (his band is Beach Fossils!!)

ask me anything!

[dewcrafter]

The Painter

Painting is so therapeutic, I love painting but most importantly I love seeing him each day, I walk up into the attic with my wireless headphones and look at all my art of him, my handsome Mr. Faceless, i've been drawing him for years and I don't really know why my ma says he could be a lover or close friend from a previous life which would be pretty cool but I don't really believe in all that, not to be offensive but I believe in research and studies then just theories and speculation "Oi Atsumu" said my brother, looking behind me I see him leaning on the stairwell up to my attic "who said you could come in?" I asked annoyed "come on stop being so upset about what I said about Mr. Past Lover" he said looking at me slightly apologetically "go away samu!" I said walking over and pushing him off the short ladder and closing the hatch locking myself in our attic so I could get to work "ATSUMU SERIOUSLY" yelled my twin brother "BE QUIET" I yelled back after pushing my little sofa on top of it "DON'T COME CRYING TO ME LATER WHEN YOU CAN'T GET OUT" he yelled back making me huff in anger before walking over to my easel and sitting down in front of it grabbing my paint brushes and paint and getting the paint ready as I find a nice playlist to listen to while I paint, I find one and quickly put my headphones and hit play as I start painting Mr. Past Lover or as I like to call him Omi Omi.

A few hours have passed since I've started painting and samu keeps spam calling me so when I finally pick up "what" I said annoyed into the phone "go out and get groceries you gremlin" said samu "why should I?" I asked even more annoyed "if you do you get to pick out dinner" he said which was enticing but I really wanna keep on working another Omi Omi portrait "tsk fine, we are having fatty tuna and cream cheese stuffed mushrooms" I said quickly hanging up and moving the couch to get dressed because yes, I went up into the attic in my robe, who can stop me it's my house. After getting dressed in my favorite booty shorts and wearing a white off shoulder cutout with a tan super crop on top before grabbing my satchel that had some paper and a pencil also my wallet but I steal samu's anyways as I left the house it was a nice summer day, I really love the summer it always is so nice and warm. When I finally got to the grocery store I quickly went around grabbing everything on the list "hey you" I heard someone say making me look up curiously to see some rando staring at me "uh hi?" I said slightly nervously as he kinda death glared me "what's your name" he asked making me pause "I'm not telling" I said before going back to shopping not really caring that he was following me, I work out and am pretty buff so I think I could take him down in a fight. When I finally got to the cash register the young women that was ringing me up kept on looking at me which made me cringe a bit on the inside because honestly I thought this outfit made it pretty clear I was gay as hell but I guess not, when she was done checking and bagging everything I was about to put samu's card in when that guy spoke up again "let me pay for all that" which made me uneasy but he didn't let me respond as he put his card in quickly paying for everything so I hope he doesn't decide to steal all of the food I thought as I grabbed everything and started walking off "gonna walk off without even saying thank you?" questioned the guy walking next to me and now he was kinda freaking me out cause huge stalker flags "why should I, what you did was out of the goodness of your heart" I said speeding up as I kept walking "come on, at least tell me your name" he said pleadingly "no thanks" I said annoyed "please, look I know this is weird but you look like someone my friend has been painting all the time and I just gotta know" he said looking at me pleadingly which made me stop and sigh "why would knowing my name help out your 'friend'" I said making it obvious I didn't think it was any friend he was talking about "well the person he's been painting obviously doesn't have a name and he's been calling him atsu and I know it's weird but like if he found out there was someone who looked like the painting out there he'd actually go out and talk to other people" he said giving me a hopeful smile "so you want me to basically flirt with your friend because I look like some person he keeps painting?" I asked unamused "yes.." he said uneasily "well thanks for the offer but it's a big no, now stop following me." I said leaving him behind hearing him sigh as he walked off which thank god he did. I didn't wanna wait any longer, I was hungry.

—--

Inspired by the art from drawnbymabel on insta

[buerka]

And just like that, I can feel the daylight disappearing.

I made the mistake of using a timed outlet for the light in my living room, so now every few days I have to roll the time back because the days are getting shorter.  It’s a regular reminder.  They should make a light switch that can synchronize with the time of sunset every day based on your location.

Nobody notices when the days are getting longer.  All of a sudden we just have more time.  Nobody really cares that the lights inside their house turn on while the sun’s still out.

But it gets dark in my apartment really early nowadays - I feel like just a month ago it didn’t get dark till 9.

All of a sudden I understand why the playlist is called wintertones. I was drawn to listen to Phoebe Bridgers today and I haven’t listened to her since... last winter?  When I first heard the playlist I thought “well it’s weird that it’s called this I mean I guess I get it but I can listen to this music any time of the year it doesn’t have to be winter for me to want to listen to this wintertones playlist...” but now I get it.  

I can feel winter coming this year.

I noticed yesterday that it’s been a while since I’ve had a really good cry.  And it’s winter - thats when it happens.  I’m trying to embrace acceptance of that season coming, and at the same time I can feel myself being drawn to eat soup and spend evenings cooking and warming up the house by using the oven, and leaving the window open in my bedroom so it gets cold at night.  

I actually want to sit out on my porch again because I’m pretty sure the mosquitoes have also figured out that winter is coming and they are deciding what they’re going to do.  I don’t know, do they migrate?  Do they hibernate?  Do they all disappear?  Honestly, I think I’d be fine with any of those options.

I worked too late today and found myself getting upset that I didn’t have any daylight left afterward.  But I’m kind of enjoying that it’s only 8 o’clock and it’s already dark - I feel like the day has disappeared and yet it is very much still early.  I’m still out running errands and even though it’s dark I don’t have go to home and immediately go to bed.

I have a jacket on.  It’s lined, and made of denim.  I’m pretty sure this jacket is 85% of my personality now and I do not care.  I don’t.

I’m so excited to live where it’s cold on summer evenings and even when the sun is out at 10 I’m not sweating.  I don’t know, there’s something really romantic about being able to cuddle up with a loved one even though it’s the middle of July.

I’m gonna go pick up my pizza now and enjoy some Phoebe Bridgers on the way home.

[ilovefandoms]

Alastember free for all week

My Alastair/Charles playlist

and the lyrics of each song that remind me of their relationship (and the explanation for the spanish songs):

tolerate it - taylor swift

(Yes, a repeated song from my Alastair playlist)

I greet you with a battle hero's welcome I take your indiscretions all in good fun I sit and listеn, I polish plates until they gleam and glistеn You're so much older and wiser and I I wait by the door like I'm just a kid

29 - demi lovato

(Yup, another repetition)

Finally twenty-nine Funny, just like you were at the time Thought it was a teenage dream, just a fantasy But was it yours or was it mine? Seventeen, twenty-nine

seventeen - troye sivan

(Honestly, both the pre-chorus and the chorus fit them but that would make the post longer)

I went out looking for love when I was seventeen Maybe a little too young, but it was real to me And in the heat of the night, saw things I'd never seen

illicit affairs - taylor swift

And that's the thing about illicit affairs And clandestine meetings and stolen stares They show their truth one single time But they lie and they lie and they lie A million little times And you wanna scream Don't call me "kid," don't call me "baby" Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me

cruel summer - taylor swift

Said, "I'm fine," but it wasn't true I don't wanna keep secrets just to keep you And I snuck in through the garden gate Every night that summer just to seal my fate And I scream, "For whatever it's worth I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?"

colors - halsey

You were red, and you liked me because I was blue But you touched me, and suddenly I was a lilac sky Then you decided purple just wasn't for you

all too well (10 minute version) - taylor swift

You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine And that made me want to die The idea you had of me, who was she? A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you Not weeping in a party bathroom

fools - troye sivan

I am tired of this place, I hope people change I need time to replace what I gave away And my hopes, they are high, I must keep them small […] Only fools fall for you

gold rush - taylor swift

I don't like that falling feels like flying 'til the bone crush

mr perfectly fine - taylor swift

(the entire song fits but if I have to choose the lyrics that fit them the most)

Mr. "Never told me why" Mr. "Never had to see me cry" Mr. "Insincere apology so he doesn't look like the bad guy" He goes about his day Forgets he ever even heard my name

paris - morat & duki

(so basically the entire song is about a toxic relationship where one person puts all the work in the relationship and when they are about to leave the other person begs them not to)

Y si resulta a ser que nos volvemos a ver Voy a gritar tu nombre y vas a saber Que eres tú, la que me viste de problemas Eres tú, me pides flores y las quemas no te mientas, el problema eres tú

translation (I tried my best to accurately translate it): And if we ever meet again I'm going to scream your name and you will know That it's you, the one that fills me with problems It's you, you ask me for flowers and you burn them Don't lie to yourself, you are the problem

cuando te fuiste - aitana & natalia lacunza

(the song is about finally leaving a bad relationship and learning to love yourself after it)

Aprendí a sentirme bien Aprendí que yo también te puedo dejar Entendí que nuestro amor no fue malo, fue peor

translation (again, I tried my best to accurately translate it): I learned to feel good about myself I learned that I can leave you too I understood that our love wasn't bad, it was worse

without me - halsey

I said I'd catch you if you fall And if they laugh, then fuck 'em all And then I got you off your knees Put you right back on your feet Just so you could take advantage of me

closure - taylor swift

Don't treat me like Some situation that needs to be handled I'm fine with my spite And my tears, and my beers and my candles I can feel you smoothing me over

date la vuelta - morat

(the song is from the perspective of someone outside the relationship that sees how much one person is hurting the other and asking that person to realize it and leave the relationship)

Tu corazón tal vez se equivocó Y andas perdida entre tu sufrimiento Date la vuelta ¿Qué importa que te quiera mucho si no quiere bien?

translation (again, I tried my best): Your heart was maybe mistaken And you are lost in your hurt Turn around What does it matter if he loves you so much if he doesn't love you well?

My Alastair playlist