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ca-3 · 2 years ago

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Sakuya Watanuki is a Gay Character and Here's Why I Think so 🌈💚 (Part 2)

Since my first post was getting very long, I decided to make a part 2 post and because I was still in hyperfixation mode when saving these in my drafts weeks ago lol 😂

(Part 1 here btw)

More OVA/Anime moments:

I personally think that while Sleepy Life of Servamp is usually meant to be funny, (well lots of bonus content is very funny in Servamp lmao) but SLS 3 had a surprisingly bittersweet moment of Sakuya thinking about calling Mahiru when he couldn't reach Tsubaki. Unfortunately he didn't end up calling him, but he thinks about Mahiru instead.

Just look at his smile when he thinks about Mahiru 💚

Also Sakuya's face when he thinks about memories with Tsubaki vs. his memories with Mahiru, there's definitely some bias there...

again I know SLS is supposed to be funny usually, but Sakuya truly does always smiles his brightest whenever he's with Mahiru or even just near him.

Also Sakuya abandoning Tsubaki's side to go see Mahiru in Sleepy Life of Servamp #3 with zero hesitation... I swear Sakuya's confidence just fluctuates back and forth in everything he's in,, WHAT IS THE TRUTH TBH?

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Speaking of Sakuya smiling his brightest around Mahiru... Sakuya is usually frowning or grumpy most of the time as we all know.

So I think it's very sweet Mahiru makes Sakuya smile so much ✨

Sakuya almost always has to be touching Mahiru it seems. Usually in the form of his arm being around Mahiru or even just on a hand on him. I swear Sakuya does this more than any other character Mahiru is close with...like I can't even fit all the images where he does this with Mahiru. It's just an undeniable observation. Sakuya enjoys Mahiru's presence that much 💚

This is a bit of my own personal opinion here, but I think Sakuya's "class clown persona" wasn't just a fake persona. I genuinely believe Mahiru just naturally brought out that side of him. From what we could see from their first meeting Sakuya wasn't super friendly right away and wasn't seeking out any longer term friendship. I think he feels like he can be the person he wants to actually be when he's with Mahiru. It's both a beautiful thing and a tragic flaw I feel like.

Putting the rest of these other moments/thoughts under "keep reading" because holy shit, when will Sakuya's pining for Mahiru end anyways?

Land of Nod/Tananka Box events:

Parallel Summer had plenty of moments of Sakuya's blatant favoritism towards Mahiru (x)

for example:

In the fishing contest Sakuya tries to give all his fish to Mahiru, but Mahiru said it would be "too unfair".

Sakuya ditches Tsubaki and Belkia to be on Mahiru's team in beach volleyball and also protects Mahiru from getting hit.

More of a Mahiru thing, but Mahiru sees a shooting game stand and asks Sakuya to go win him a prize cause Sakuya is good at those kinds of games apparently. They play together instead 💕At the very end of Parallel Summer, Mahiru admits he'd be lying if he said he didn't miss Sakuya.

Mahiru and Sakuya play with sparklers on the beach together, Sakuya tries to write out something for Mahiru to read with the sparklers but Mahiru doesn't understand it. (I also really want to know what he was trying to say there 👁) there's also a bittersweet moment about a false memory here too, but Mahiru isn't upset at all even though Sakuya feels very bad about it.

^^^ This is a really good and important moment I think. Because it's sometimes a wonder about how Mahiru really feels about the whole fake memories thing.

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There was a 2019 Valentine's event that was like a visual novel so you the player could pretend to go on a date with your fave Servamp character by giving them chocolate 💝

but... you might have been a bit disappointed if you were looking forward to Sakuya completely focusing on you the whole time... while Sakuya is mostly polite to you on this short date, upon meeting with you he will mention he only came because Tsubaki told him too. (wow real charming Sakkun) He will take you to a shop and will proceed to talk about how he used to go there with Mahiru and yeah... he doesn't talk about anything else just as much it feels like. (x)

Sakuya: “I wonder if Mahiru’s doing well. I used to go to this shop a lot with Mahiru after school. Mahiru had his first monjayaki here, is what he told me. He looked happy and he was having fun.”

Its kind of funny how almost everything seems to somehow fall back to Mahiru with him... But as much as I adore SakuMahi, I can still definitely see this bugging Sakuya fans who probably didn't want that kind of interaction with their fave character. Again that's just what I think.

I think Strike maybe thought Sakuya fans probably didn't want their Sakuya route to be him talking about Mahiru for like half of it(?) The routes are already super short after all. But in the 2021 White Day event, Sakuya focuses only on you now and even holds your hand at the end, so that's nice 💕 (x)

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and now for my personal favorite, the 2019 Servamp Halloween Land of Nod event. Another one of those visual novel like games that Strike made for us, but you can trick or treat your fave characters and try to get several endings/routes.

(Small disclaimer: all the translations for this event are rough ones that I got from a friend of mine who was kind enough to share with me at the time, so I have no real source to link and I only have a few lines of dialouge from it here BUT I LOVED THESE MOMENTS SO MUCH I HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THEM 😭❤✨)

On the Melancholy route, you can meet up with Sakuya along the way and if you give him a treat you will eventually ask him if he's planning to invite anyone to the party and who do you think Sakuya plans on asking to go with him??? Take a wild guess.

Sakuya: "uh...well…there's this Halloween party..at Tsubaki's…and uh….."

You: "So, are you planning on inviting anyone?"

Sakuya: "!!! Ah...well... um.…I thought of inviting Mahiru...But I know the relationship between Tsubaki and Mahiru is... well..."

Yes. Sakuya wants to ask Mahiru to come. But he's afraid to ask. Since its hosted by Tsubaki, Sakuya is worried Mahiru will be uncomfortable because of that.

There's a brief moment where Sakuya remembers a time in the last year when he and Mahiru were still in school and how Mahiru used to always bake cookies for him, Koyuki, and Ryuusei.

Sakuya: "I'm not sure why I just remembered that story but….. I wish I could do that again……"

I love this route so much because you have the option to encourage Sakuya to ask Mahiru. Also it's pretty cute how timid Sakuya seems here, he really does let his guard down when it comes to Mahiru.

You: "It'd be okay to invite him, you know…"

Sakuya: "………!! You really think so…?"

You: "Yes, I think so."

Sakuya: "I…..I see... so it's really okay….? "Hm….. I'll think of something…. I'll go look for Mahiru….. Then, I'll see you at Tsubaki-san's party. Happy Halloween. Have a good night."

Mahiru does say yes to Sakuya (although off screen, cause who knows how gay that would have been) and he even makes cookies for the party!

That's just the gist of this one though, again I had a friend who translated those small parts for me and I had to dig for them again, but unfortunately the rest is literally lost in translation cause there isn't full translations for all the Halloween routes and other extra dialogues. (and if there is feel free to correct me)

All I know is that Sakuya and Mahiru do talk a bit, there's a small joke about how they haven't seen each other in the main story for awhile(haha real funny Strike 😭)

Something along the lines of:

Mahiru: "We haven’t even seen each other much in the comics lately." (something about being "enemies" too yada yada)

Sakuya: "Ah, yes~ Your retorts are so on point that I feel so at ease…"

Mahiru: "Well, don’t! I don’t care anymore! Here, have some cookies!!"

Some other things happen that I don't know the full context of,, but Sakuya does thank you for your help after the party too and invites you to another party(?)

Also Sakuya made sure the menu full of Mahiru's favorite foods... my goodness he likes him so much.

That's all I can provide from what was shared with me. The rest once again is all lost in translation. If there is eventually a good translation I'll update this hehe.

I really wish there was more I can say though, I want to know all the other details for the Melancholy party. All I know that going down this route leads to the party being a success and everyone has fun but yeah only able to get rough translations there. Which is why I saved this one for last.

I could talk about some other random Sakuya stuff but I feel like other smaller stuff I'm thinking of don't help my point really 😂 (unless y'all want a part 3 or something, I kind of want to talk about what I think of Mahiru's pov of Sakuya... But we'll see I'm sure you're sick of me now lol.)

If you read this whole thing you're just as obsessed as me now, congrats 🎉🎉🎉 and thank you! 💚

✨🌈Happy Pride Month!!! 🌈✨

#servamp #sakuya watanki #watanuki sakuya #mahiru shirota #sakumahi #mahisaku #i dont expect everyone to read the whole thing but it was fun to write this at the time #ive been saving this post for awhile now sksjsj #pride month #text #hey ho it was special interest time lol #i actually think sakuya is more demisexual but yeah im just trying to keep it a little more simple 😅#gay

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chaotic-kass · 5 years ago

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#international holyday #6/9/2019 #6/9/19 #happy 6/9!#1969/2069 #funny #funny content #funnypictures #funny images #holyday #holy hell #amazing #day #today

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youjustwaitsunshine · 4 years ago

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Seb helmets: country specific edition

Japan 2019/China 2018/Japan 2016: i am at war with the "suzuka" on top of the japan 2019 helmet but i immensely enjoy the lil ninja that is featured on many of the japanese helmets. The smokey/burned design on the china helmet? A BEAUT. i love it a lot.

Styria 2020: are you a topographical map of styria on sebastian vettels helmet because i am so fucking in love with you holy shit it's so beautiful and distinguished and intellectual and i love it especially the lil blue holo bit.

Japan 2017: handpainted. beautiful. back at it with the number five on top. lil ninja is there. SUCH a beautiful helmet.

Monaco 2016: that leather look does something to me. Extremely beautiful, i might weep. daniil kvyats mugello? helmet reminded me of this and i love jens munser for using this again because ITS SO BEAUTIFUL

Monaco 2017: seb had a beautiful win in this one, please note the "five" on top because i am so in love with it. also noteworthy are the powder coated ferrari logo screws because hmmmmgh detailing so sexy and the number five classic race car and for once the font isnt ugly and-

Japan 2017: another hand drawn helmet and oh god is she amazing that helmet has so much character and expression and ugh it's very close to absolute perfection

Mexico 2015: this one isn't really country specific but it belongs here because of its exquisite vibes. ferrari history, hand drawn in pencil. this is so beautiful i can not. kudos to who ever drew all that for not smudging the pencil i could never.

Brazil 2013: vibes of a 2020 racing point poster. i love it, very exciting, very lively.

Japan 2013: a dream in cherry blossom. bordering on overbearing but that's just what red bull seb was all about, red bull sebs helmets were like a early teens one direction shrine poster wall and i think thats very sexy of him

USA 2012: im actually not a massive fan of these weird texture prints but this one is so funny to me because SV: Texas Ranger please that mental image i am not okay

little addition: sebs mugello helmet should be here too but theres no good photos on the sebsite so please imagine it instead

back to masterpost

#sebastian vettel #formula 1 #f1 #sebs helmets #long post #insert longingly thinking about being a helmet painter here

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achhisoch · 6 years ago

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thatmultifandomhoe · 5 years ago

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Hookup on an Airplane

Overview: You were finally achieving your dream of traveling the world, and first stop was South Korea. After a stressful morning and a long flight ahead, all you wanted to do was sleep on the plane, but when your seat mate offers you some help to take care of a certain problem, well, the flight suddenly becomes more fun than you expected.

Word Count: 7,505

Pairing: Hoseok and Reader

Genre/Rating: Traveling AU - Fluff - Humor - Smut galore - then back to fluff - Rated R

Warning: Oh fuck, okay, here we go. Sex in an airplane bathroom (please don’t test this theory out) hand fetish? Fingering (female receiving), Daddy kink, reading porn, dirty talk, implied Dom Hoseok and implied submissive reader (does that make sense?), hand job (male receiving), unprotected sex, cream pie, rough sex.

Master List

©thatmultifandomhoe 2019. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

Author’s Note: So there’s actually a story about why I wrote this particular Fic. If you’ve been on my blog for a while, then y’all most likely know of my friendship with @worldwidebt7. We have some wild interactions and enjoy torturing each other with gifs of our biases, and have no shame in starting Gif Wars.

There was one particular Gif of our mutual Bias Hoseok that circulated the internet - the one where he was walking out of the airport wearing only a denim jacket that was barely buttoned up and his shorts were hanging low. And my dear Ali - @worldwidebt7 - among our mutual dying, said that if I were to write it, she would draw it.

The evidence as stated:

*Cue the evil laughter.* With that being said, if you’re interested, you can check out that conversation right here. If not, you can skip to the story.

Have fun!

Standing on your toes, you bit your bottom lip in concentration as you tried to shove your duffle bag into the overhead compartment. From the looks of it, the people sitting in your general area had no idea how to place bags and decided to simply toss them in and sit down. You on the other hand, were a Tetris addict and knew how to make any shape fit into any spot with room to spare, and it was driving you insane that you couldn’t rearrange the bags already in here without getting help.

You glanced over your shoulder to see that a line had built up as they waited for you to get out of their way, so taking a short break you moved into your seat, grateful that no one else in your aisle had shown up yet.

As the line of people filtered out to their seats, you took the moment to sigh, running a hand through your hair. This was supposed to be a fun get away vacation to travel, try new food and create memories, but so far yesterday and up until a few minutes ago, it had been nothing but chaos. A simple phone call with your best friend ended up in the two of you fighting, which resulted in you going to bed late so when you woke up this morning, you had to rush and push the speed limits to make it to the airport on time. Now you couldn’t even get your stupid duffle bag into the overhead compartment.

All you wanted right now was sit in your seat and drink a few of those small nip bottles that the air hostess offered.

“That’s my seat.”

Ripped from your thoughts, you were surprised to see a man standing in the aisle, a ticket in hand and a bag on his shoulder. A purple bucket hat covered his hair and his white mask was pulled underneath his chin, allowing him to speak clearly.

“Uh, sorry. I just need to get my bag up there,” you spoke, pointing up at the apartment.

He leaned his head back and smiled, offering a hand. “Oh, I can get it in there for you.”

A part of you wanted to tell him no, that you were perfectly capable of getting it in yourself, but you knew that if you tried again, you’d only be humiliating yourself. With how everyone else just threw theirs in, it was no use for you.

Handing over the bag, you smiled. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

In seconds, he had your bag up in the compartment and after a quick glance around, shut the door to it.

You couldn’t believe it. “How?”

His eyebrows raised at you in surprise, hands still up on the compartment. “I’m sorry?”

“I spent forever trying to get it in there but it refused to fit,” you explained. “But you were able to do it like it was nothing.”

He stood there in the middle of the aisle, not entirely sure how to answer your question. Luckily, he didn’t have to come up with something on the spot.

“Excuse me,” an air hostess spoke, coming up to your row. She smiled but the corners of her eyes didn’t move. “We’ll be getting ready to take off soon so the two of you need to sit down.”

Apologizing, you turned your ticket back over to check the seating. “I’m in the window seat,” you told him, moving further into the row until you sat down.

He squinted at his own ticket and looked at the seat number on the outer aisle. “Looks like I’m in the middle. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

The nice stranger gave you a quick smile as he got in his own seat, slipping his bag on his lap before buckling up. “I’m Hoseok by the way.”

Figuring he had been kind enough to put your bag away for you and seemed like a decent person, you didn’t mind saying your name.

Conversation stopped then as the air hostess’s voice came over the speaker, going over the safety procedures and how to work the seatbelts. After only a few minutes your attention span was itching for something else to focus on, not able to pay attention to her monotone voice anymore.

Shifting in your seat, your noticed Hoseok glance at you out of the corner of your eye, but you played it off as simply trying to get comfortable. You were, but as you leaned back against the head rest, you found yourself stealing another peak at him, this time trying to not get caught.

It was obvious he was dressed for comfort. Sweat pants and a basic tank top, but his jacket with the white stars going down the sleeves seemed like a last-minute decision. Either this wasn’t his first time flying and he just wanted an easy trip, or he didn’t give a damn about airport appearances.

Since you were rushed this morning, comfort had been the only choice as you had thrown on a pair of old jean shorts and a tank top. It was also supposed to be hot when you landed in South Korea, so you weren’t risking death by heat stroke.

“Boring, isn’t it?” Hoseok softly whispered, leaning his head slightly closer to yours when he finally looked at you.

“Yeah,” you murmured, wetting your lips as you glanced at the front of the plane for a brief moment. When you looked back at Hoseok, the corner of his brown eyes crinkled up in amusement. This close up, you were able to make out the faint heart shape his lips made.

It was cute.

“At least we’re all the way back here,” he continued, shifting to the side and leaning closer to you momentarily as he pulled out his phone from his back pocket. “That way we’re not in her direct line of sight.”

“Thank god,” you joked, opening up your purse for the small book you had tossed in a few nights ago. “I don’t think she really knows what it means to smile either.”

He chuckled, shoulders shaking as he leaned back against the head rest, barely paying any attention to the flight attendant.

After locating the novel, you raised an eyebrow as you tried to look above the heads of the people sitting in front of you in a last-ditch attempt to pay attention, but you were unable to see clearly.

“She’s almost done,” Hoseok murmured, spotting you trying and adjusting in your seat out of the corner of his eye.

You lifted your hands off your legs as if to praise the holy gods hiding up above, making Hoseok laugh again. He was right though. By the time you settled back against the seat, the voice overhead came to stop, allowing various conversations to pick up once again.

Flicking through the pages, you noticed Hoseok slouching back in his seat, his chest rising before he deeply sighed. For some reason, the action caused the corner of your lip to curl up, amused by him.

“I hate to be that boring seat mate,” he spoke, capturing your attention again. “But I think I’m going to sleep since this is gonna be a long flight. Do you mind snagging me any of those snacks they come around with for when I wake up?”

“Not at all,” you reassured, his smile sending your heart racing.

It seemed like only minutes afterwards, once you were finally reading your book, Hoseok was out like a light. Now that you weren’t worried about getting caught, you took the chance to glance over your seat mate.

He was without a doubt, hot as hell. The tips of his hair reached his eyebrows, skin perfectly tan. Then there was the fact that he was actually nice, and funny. Jeez, he was batting for a hundred on your list.

Licking your lips, you turned back to your book, rereading the first sentence for the fourth time already. It felt like forever by the time you were reached the end of the first page, but as you continued, you couldn’t recall what you had already read.

Another glance at Hoseok had you inhaling a shaky breath. His arms were loosely crossed over his stomach, his fingers long and thin like a pianist were resting on the armrest. On its own, your mind conquered up other images, all possibilities of how he might use those fingers on you.

“Fucking hell,” you muttered, closing the book shut to lightly slap the cover against your forehead.

This was going to be a long ass flight.

True to your word though, each time the hostess came around with snacks, you acquired one not just for yourself, but also for Hoseok for whenever he woke up. It had gotten to the point that you had a small little pile and when she came around again, you didn’t dare ask for the mini packet of peanut butter crackers with the look she gave you.

It had been three hours since Hoseok fell asleep, but when he did wake up, he frowned as he glanced around, disorientated from the nap and as if he couldn’t remember where he was.

You waited a few moments for him to gather himself before holding up the snack sized M&Ms, giving them a little shake for extra effect.

“I have snacks,” you softly declared, not wanting to disrupt or annoy any of the other passengers.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smile as you passed his stash over to him. “You are the best fucking person ever. Thank you.”

Shrugging, you took a sip of your water while he ripped into the food. “It’s no problem.”

“You’re still the best.”

That made you chuckle. “I just saved you some snacks, it’s not like I gave you a winning lottery ticket.”

“Anyone else would have just gotten themselves the food,” Hoseok pointed out, pausing to swallow before continuing. “And would have figured that since I was sleeping, I get to miss out. But it’s not my fault for being so tired. I blame my friends for that.”

The comment caught you off guard, making you wonder if he was going to go off on a rant. But despite not knowing the context, you were able to relate to a point. “What happened?”

He shook his head, leaning back in his seat but this time, turning so he was facing you. “One of my best friends, Yoongi, just got out of this relationship. He’s been with this guy Jungkook for years – who’s a great guy by the way, I mean it - but they broke up. I still don’t know why, but Yoongi called me drunk off his ass, and so I had to go find him and bring him back to another friends’ house where we tried to calm him down and get to sleep.”

You winced at the mention of a break up. Break ups were never any fun, and to have to help out a friend with one the night before a flight to another country, it was a miracle that Hoseok hadn’t slept longer than he had.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized.

Hoseok shrugged, focusing on the remaining M&Ms he dumped into his palm. “I’m just hoping they work it out.”

“How long were they together?”

“Four years.” Holding out his hand with the candy, he nodded for you to take some. Not wanting to be rude, you took the red ones as he continued.

“They’ve both had it rough but together, it’s like they were able to overcome their problems. They brought out the best in each other. Which is why we’re hoping that they get back together.”

Despite not knowing the troubled couple, you found yourself nodding in agreement. What you knew about love, was that it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows like it was made out to be. The honeymoon stage wasn’t a permanent residence, but a minor travel spot on the way to the main destination.

“Enough about my friends,” Hoseok suddenly spoke, looking up at you. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

A smile grew on his face. “What got you buying a plane ticket to South Korea – and I’m assuming here – all by yourself? Didn’t want to share the adventure with anyone?”

This time, you were the one shrugging as you looked down, pushing the last two pieces of candy around in your palm. “It’s kinda dumb,” you warned, glancing at Hoseok.

He frowned, head tilting in interest. “Nothing’s dumb if it means something to you.”

His remark had you pausing. All your life you had been told to chase after your dreams, but to also be smart going about them. Sometimes it was better to simply walk than to run. So growing up, you always did what was expected and played things safely, that way one day, you would be able to go running like you wanted.

“When I was younger, I always wanted to go backpacking through Asia,” you explained, feeling the weight of his eyes as he focused on you. You couldn’t remember the last time someone gave you their attention like this.

“Back then though, I never realized how much time and money it would take to do that, so I always thought it would never happen. But then I realized, just because I couldn’t visit every single country in Asia at once, didn’t mean that I couldn’t visit a country or two once in a while.”

Again, you shrugged, sheepishly smiling when you noticed that Hoseok hadn’t looked away. When he didn’t say anything right away, you began to wonder if maybe you had said too much. Maybe you should have said that it was just a spur of the moment trip, anything to have kept it short and simple.

“See,” Hoseok gently spoke. “That’s not dumb. In fact, it’s pretty smart and admirable that you’re doing something you’ve always dreamed about. Not a lot of people follow their dreams anymore.”

Raising an eyebrow, you leaned back against your seat. “No offense, but that sounds like a line from Tangled.”

His lips curled into the sweetest smile then as he laughed, your own giggles joining in as the two of you ignored the pointed looks coming from the air hostess as she passed by.

“Hey, I could make a great Eugene Fitzherbert you know.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

Giggling again, you ran a hand through your hair, glancing at your phone that was in the other. With a quick tap it revealed the time, although that didn’t really matter because the flight itself still had over ten hours left. Before you were even able to stop and cover your mouth, a yawn suddenly escaped.

“Why don’t you take a nap?” Hoseok suggested. “We’re gonna be flying for a while, might as well catch all the sleep you can get.”

You hummed in agreement, already thinking it’d help to pass the time too. Hoseok chuckled, watching as you shifted in your seat to find a moderately comfortable position – although he knew that was absolutely impossible to do on an airplane.

It only took a matter of minutes. The combination of lack of sleep and nerves on flying solo to a foreign country where you knew no one, had eased while talking with Hoseok, allowing you to slip into an easy and more than welcomed nap, with dreams that involved your seatmate in ways that would have had you blushing had you been awake.

Blinking your eyes open, you squinted in the somewhat dark airplane. The lights above each seat where turned off with the exception of a few passengers up front, otherwise enveloping the rest of the plane in darkness.

A groan slipped through your lips as you sat up, back cracking from the awkward position you had shifted to while in dreamland. Pressing a hand against a specific sore spot, you glanced over at Hoseok, remembering your unusually vivid dreams.

His lips had been murmuring filth in your ear from behind, long fingers trailing down your stomach until they reached down to your core as his hips snapped at a merciless pace. You wondered if he groaned the same way as he did in your dreams, breathlessly but rough as he took you the way he wanted.

You wet your lips, shakily inhaling as you settled back against your seat, this time uncomfortable for a whole other reason. This was the last thing you need. Hell, you shouldn’t even be thinking about it in the first place. He was practically a stranger; someone you’ve only known for a handful of hours and the only reason for that was by sheer luck. If had decided to cancel your flight, you were certain that you wouldn’t have ever met him.

But the more you thought about it, the harder it was to not imagine it. Crossing your legs, you mentally cursed upon feeling the familiar wetness. Now you really were uncomfortable and aching for some relief.

Locating your phone, you chewed your bottom lip while opening up your blog feed, scrolling through it in an attempt to find something to hold you over. If not until you were able to check in to your hotel room, then to at least the end of the flight.

You mindlessly scrolled, passing pictures of nature and the occasional text post, stopping to read one that captured your attention for more than a few seconds. Nothing however, seemed to distract you from replaying your dreams, even finding yourself zoning out occasionally.

Since you weren’t paying attention, your thumb was still scrolling for you, and when you finally refocused on the screen, you sat up with a sudden jolt. Your eyes widened in shock as you stared at the image. The blog name was a familiar one, jogging enough recognition from your memory that you knew it wasn’t SFW at all, and the black and white gif that was being used at the top of the post only emphasized that.

A quick glance at Hoseok confirmed that he was once again sleeping, head back, eyes closed and earbuds firmly placed in his ears. You should have exited out and onto a different blog, but when you finally looked back at your phone, you automatically swallowed at the sight of a cock ramming into some woman.

It had been a while since you last had sex – only having yourself and a trusty vibrator to take care of the job – and after that dream, it didn’t take much to get you horny. Taking once last look at Hoseok to make sure he was still asleep; you dimmed the brightness to zero and began to read the erotica.

His fat cock slammed into her, sending her gasping as she gripped the blankets underneath her. He had slid in with ease, their previous playing had left her plenty wet enough. As he thrust, her clit rubbed against the blankets and she was moaning, delirious as his grip tightened on her hips.

“You like that baby?” he grunted, the sound of his pelvis slapping against her ass echoing in the bedroom. “You like it when I fuck you like this?”

She moaned instead, pushing onto her elbows so she was no longer lying flat on her stomach, but he was quick to put her back into that position and tugged on her hair.

“I told you not to move unless I said to,” he spoke, slowing his thrusts in response to her disobedience.

“I’m sorry Daddy,” she groaned, hoping to please him so he’d go faster again.

He grinned though and stopped thrusting, using his other hand to slap her ass, enjoying the way her body jumped at the contact and her moan when her clit was pressed harder against the blankets. “Sorry for what?”

“Sorry for being a bad girl,” she was quick to answer. “Sorry for not doing what you told me to do.”

"That’s better.” Releasing her hair, he grabbed her hips and without warning, tugged her further off the bed so this time only the middle of her stomach and up were actually on it, and harshly thrust into her, setting the pace faster than when he stopped. “But I’m not sure if you deserve to cum.”

She whined, no longer feeling the rubbing on her clit anymore. “Please Daddy. Please let me cum.”

He grunted from above her, slamming into her slick pussy as he reached a hand up to squeeze her nipple. A ripple of pleasure jolted through her and her walls squeezed around his cock. His was the only one that filled and fit her so perfectly. They had been at it for hours now and he already made her cum more times than she could count, but her body reacted to his touch and demanded another orgasm from him.

“Do you deserve to cum?”

“Yes Daddy, please. I’ve always been such a good girl.”

She was, he knew that, and so he wrapped an arm around her hips and reached down with his other one, vigorously rubbing her clit as he went harder and faster, feeling his balls tense up in his own orgasm.

“That’s some shitty porn,” a hushed voice whispered in your ear.

You jumped in your seat, fumbling to turn off the phone as you clutched your pounding chest, suddenly looking up.

Hoseok had raised an eyebrow, chuckling at your reaction. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to read over your shoulder, but I caught one line and couldn’t stop reading.”

You were still shocked. You had gotten caught by your hot seat mate while reading porn. But instead of that making you feel uncomfortable, it turned you on even more.

“It’s…it’s fine,” you murmured, wetting your lips as you forced yourself to look away from him.

He softly hummed in amusement, watching as you shifted in your seat. While you had been engrossed in your reading, he had taken the moment to look around. Everyone around them was sleeping, and the flight attendants were at the front of the plane.

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against the outer curve of your ear, making sure they touched with every word. “You don’t seem to mind being horny on a plane.” He murmured. “In fact, you seem to be…unsatisfied.”

Any memory of how to breathe seemed to escape you then, leaving you like stone at the feel of his soft lips. He was right though. If anything, you wanted to sneak off to the bathroom and finish the job, but the gears in your mind shifted.

Finally taking a shaky breath, you softly smiled as you carefully placed your palm on the inside of his thigh. “Are you suggesting that you finger me?” You murmured back, feeling your heart race when his hand slowly crept up your own bare thigh, fingers teasing the skin when he reached the edge of your shorts.

“Actually, I was suggesting we fuck,” he answered back. Tilting his head, he kissed the back of your neck, fingers roaming over near the place you wanted them. “But like I said, that porn you were reading was shitty, and I’m betting that I can make you wetter than some half ass erotica.”

His tongue wet the skin he kissed and it took everything in you to not lean back in pleasure. If you did, he wouldn’t be able to kiss you. “How about both?” You breathed out.

Feeling his lips curl against your neck, his hand cupped your covered core. “Sounds like you’re my kind of woman.” He lifted his head to double check that no one was looking as you fixed the blanket to cover both your bodies.

The thought of what you were doing sent a thrill through you, and while Hoseok was shifting in his seat to get closer, you slipped a hand underneath the blanket and undid your shorts, tugging them down just enough to give him the room he needed.

When Hoseok slipped his hand back underneath the blanket, he was surprised to feel the soft lace of your underwear instead of the rough denim. He darkly chuckled as he circled your clit with his index finger, leaning his head against yours once again.

“Eager, are we?”

“Please,” you whispered, shifting your hips against his touch.

He kissed your temple. “Stay quiet baby, or else we’ll get caught.”

When you nodded, he rubbed his fingers over your covered center, teasing and working you up. His touch was like being electrocuted, pleasure coursing through your body and this was only a tasting. What you wanted was him inside you.

Sliding his fingers under the fabric, he nearly groaned upon feeling how wet you already were. “Scoot forward a little,” he murmured, all while rubbing your clit.

You pressed your lips together to keep quiet, but as you shifted like he asked, it took everything and then some to hold back the moan when he slid his middle finger inside. His soft groan echoed in your ear and for a moment you thought someone heard, but when you saw no one looking back at you, your body relaxed against the seat.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me baby,” he murmured, pulling his fingers out only to push them back in. As much as he wanted to say fuck it and go to town on you, he had to be mindful that the two of you didn’t make too much noise as he easily slipped a second finger in.

You shakily sighed, moving your head to lean against his shoulder instead as he slowly pumped you. When his fingers were coated, he pulled them back to circle your clit, resulting in you gasping as you clutched his thigh.

Hoseok gasped himself, grounding his teeth so not to groan, because what you had grabbed, was not his thigh.

It took a second, but as you felt what you held, you realized that instead of going for his thigh, you had grabbed his crotch. Specifically, his dick.

The blanket covered Hoseok as well, so you slipped your own hand under his shorts and underwear, wrapping your fingers around his cock. He was hard and without the blanket, there was probably a noticeable tent.

“Oh shit,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as his fingers briefly stilled. He hadn’t expected you to go ahead and do that, but he found himself lifting his hips every time your hand went down.

He was fairly thick, but what your mouth watering up was his length. You wouldn’t be surprised that if he was fully erect in these shorts and went without the underwear, he’d have a peeping tom. Testing the limits, you ran your thumb against his head – feeling a bead a pre-cum already coming out – and spread it across him.

His hips jerked, but he didn’t forget about you. Your legs were already shaking and he could hear you trying to catch your breath, so he figured it must have been a while since you’ve been with another person. The thought that you were letting him do this – on an airplane nonetheless – made him grin as he focused solely on making you cum.

“Oh god,” you whispered, feeling your insides twist in anticipation. “Fuck, Hoseok…” Knowing that you risked getting caught, you didn’t think twice about burying your face in his shoulder, biting down on his jacket while squeezing your eyes shut as your orgasm washed over you.

Even then he didn’t stop. Not when you bit him or as he felt your hips jerk as he pushed you past the breaking point. All it did was turn him on even more.

“See,” he murmured, slowly removing his hand from underneath the blanket without touching it. A quick glance around the room reassured that the two of you were still on the safe side. “I can make you wetter than damn erotica.”

You nodded in agreement, lifting your head off his shoulder just in time to watch him stick his fingers in his mouth – the very ones that had you seeing stars. He kept his eyes locked on yours as he sucked them clean, his dark eyes overfilling with lust until he popped them out.

Never in your entire life had you done something as risky as this. You weren’t one who didn’t know how to keep their hands off of their boyfriend while in public. But Hoseok wasn’t your boyfriend, and maybe that was why you found yourself leaning forward and kissing him, endorphins running wild as he reciprocated and shoved his tongue in to mingle with yours.

It was wet, messy, and everything you wanted.

“Gotta let go of my cock baby girl,” he murmured, breaking the kiss. “Or else I’m not gonna be able to fuck you senseless.”

He was breathing heavily but was still smiling, especially when your eyes widened in shock and you released him. How you managed to forget that went beyond you, but it wasn’t surprising when Hoseok started to speak again.

“Everyone’s still asleep, and those flight attendants are still up-front talking shit.” Looking over his shoulder, you followed his line of sight to see that the bathroom had the green sign on it. “You go in first and I’ll be there in a few. I’ll knock twice so you know it’s me. That is, if you still want me to fuck you right now.”

If you were still thinking with the rational side of your brain, you should have realized that this wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Hell, it wasn’t even the most sanitary place to have sex. But rationality had been thrown out the window the second you kept reading that blog. And if you were being honest, after feeling Hoseok’s dick in your own hand, you’d be a liar to say you didn’t want him to fuck you senseless. He had the jewels to do so.

“Don’t make me wait long.” Pulling your shorts back on, you ran a hand through your hair and took a deep breath. Like he had said, everyone else was still sleeping like rocks, and as you closed the door to the bathroom behind you, the area was empty.

When the door closed, you leaned your back against the wall, trying to figure out how it was going to work. The space was small and cramped, with just barely enough room for one person. The toilet had a lid covering it, so maybe he’d be able to sit…your thoughts were interrupted with a gentle knock at the door, and then a second one.

You quickly opened the door and Hoseok didn’t waste time to get in, closing and locking it behind him. Without the blanket covering him now, his erection was obvious in the shorts he wore.

Once he was in, all thinking went out the window as he hungrily kissed you, hands slipping your shirt and feeling your body up as you tangled your fingers in his hair. Now that the two of you weren’t out in the open, Hoseok softly moaned against your lips.

As abruptly as the kiss started, he pulled back while simultaneously undoing your shorts. “Even though I would love to fuck you like you deserve, we don’t have enough time.”

“How are we even…?” Your voice faded out as Hoseok chuckled.

He abandoned your shorts and gently taking you by the hips, turned so you were facing the wall, placing your hands up in front of you. “Oh. This makes sense.”

“Got any better ideas baby?” Hoseok asked, taking it upon himself to push your shorts down for you.

You bit your bottom lip as you looked over your shoulder, smiling at him when he met your gaze. He was dropping his own shorts, his dick fully erected as it slapped against his lower torso. In seconds he was going to be inside you. That thought alone not only had your arousal dripping down your thigh, but your mouth watering.

“I’m on the pill,” you said instead, propping your arms against the wall while pushing your lower half backwards for him.

For a second, Hoseok frowned in confusion, but the clarity of what you said appeared in his eyes with a low groan. Knowing that he was short on time, he pressed against you and pushed your panties to the side, sliding a finger through your lips and into you with ease. “You are dripping baby,” he murmured in your ear, lining up with your entrance. “By the time I’m done, this pussy is going to be a fucking mess.”

With that being said, he pushed into your entrance.

Gasping, you pressed your lips together and leaned your forehead against the wall, spreading your legs a little further apart for him. He didn’t hesitate to thrust his entire length inside you, making you feel fuller than you’ve been before when having sex. He leaned his head against yours, his heavy breathing loud in your ear.

“Fuck,” you whispered, wiggling your hips against him. “Fuck me Hoseok, we don’t have time.”

“A woman after my own heart,” he teased, but listened to you. His hands tightened on your hips and pulled out until only his head was still buried inside before thrusting back in, setting a harsh pace with short thrusts due to the lack of space.

A soft moan tried to escape your lips but you shifted your arm further up on the wall, allowing you to bite the skin. The movement not only muffled your sounds, but had made you bend forward a little bit more, allowing Hoseok to hit deeper.

“You like this?” He darkly murmured in your ear. “You like me fucking you on an airplane? Or are you just so cock hungry you’d let anyone finger and fuck you?”

Not wanting to speak, you shook your head in response and luckily, Hoseok was lenient considering the circumstance.

“Just me then? Well I’ll make sure that everyone knows whose pussy this belongs to. They’ll be able to smell the sex coming off of you.”

Closing your eyes, your legs began to tremble from the awkward position. His words were absolute filth, and it turned you on even more. You wanted him to do everything he said to you and more.

“Too bad we’re short on time,” he spoke. His cock was already tensing up and his thrusts were coming harder and faster, but he wanted you to cum once more. Releasing a hip, he slipped his hand back down the front of your panties and gathering some of your slick, he vigorously rubbed at your clit. “I’m gonna pump you full of my cum, and you’re going to keep it in for me baby girl.”

You jerked in his grip, chest heaving and tears leaking out of the corner of your eyes as he drew another orgasm from you. Unconsciously, your walls gripped around his cock and with the feeling of you cumming on him, Hoseok thrusted harshly once more and pressed his chest firmly against your back, releasing inside you.

The small room felt like a hundred degrees and as Hoseok held himself still inside you so not a single drop spilled out, it felt like you were coming down from a high. Knowing that this was the only chance you could do this with Hoseok, you wanted another hit despite that little fact.

Taking a deep breath, Hoseok pressed his forehead against the side of your head, gently kissing your cheek, a surprising action considering how he had been a few seconds ago. It didn’t go unnoticed that he was also rubbing your hips, like he was trying to make up for something.

“You okay?” He softly asked, lips brushing against yours in a faint kiss when you turned to look at him.

You nodded. In fact, you felt more than okay. You felt fucking fantastic.

The corner of your lips curved upwards as you closed the short distance between your mouths, kissing him again. This time slowly, savoring the way his lips moved with yours.

“We can kiss all you want out there,” he joked, pecking your lips once more. “But we need to get out of here undetected first.”

For the first time your mind wasn’t hazy with lust and desire. Now that the two of you were sexually satisfied – somewhat - it was easy to find humor in the situation. As you pushed off the wall, Hoseok carefully pulled out of you, sliding your underwear back in place.

“Not a single drop spilled,” he cooed, kissing your shoulder before tugging your shorts back up. When you were dressed, he maneuvered you so you were closer to the door. “You go first. I’ll be out in a few minutes baby.”

Waiting for him to turn back around, you unlocked the door and slid it shut once you were out. The short walk to your seat had you rolling your eyes in disbelief. It wasn’t all that surprising people were still asleep, but the flight attendants were still at the front of the plane, unaware that two of their passengers had just fucked in the bathroom.

However, you were smiling as you sat down, tapping the screen of your phone for the time. It was early in the morning, but there were still several hours until the plane landed. Pulling the blanket back over your body, you had just gotten comfortable when the seat next to you was no longer empty.

Turning to look at Hoseok, you were confused to see that his tank top was balled up in his hand and only wearing his jacket with two buttons fastened to keep it closed.

“What happened?”

His nose scrunched up as he took his plastic drink cup, pouring some of the contents on it. “While I was cleaning up,” he whispered, glancing up the aisle. “Some of it had gotten on my shirt. Are they still up there?”

“Yeah.”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “God, you’d think they were the ones having sex.”

You jokingly jabbed him in the sides, making him laugh as he cupped your cheek to kiss you.

“I’ll be right back; I need to throw this shirt out.” He tilted it to admire the wine stains, smiling like a Cheshire cat. “It’s got soda stains on it.”

Without another word, he got up and made his way to the front, his face contorting into an embarrassed frown as he awkwardly waved his hand to get their attention. From the back of the plane, you were able to watch as the flight attendant who didn’t know how to smile took the shirt from Hoseok, pointing to something that you couldn’t exactly see. Most likely a small bin for trash, but it had him smiling. Even from this far back, you could hear his grateful thank you.

His lips were pressed together, eyes meeting yours for a brief moment only to look away when his shoulders jerked in an attempt to hold in his laughter. It wasn’t until you held the blanket up for him and the two of you got as close as possible that you erupted into quiet giggles.

“I’ve never enjoyed a flight more than this one,” Hoseok suddenly said, stretching an arm around you, allowing you to rest your head on his chest.

You hummed in agreement, softly smiling when his lips kissed your forehead. This was not at all how you thought the flight was going to go, but you were not complaining in the slightest. Especially when Hoseok’s cum was still stuffed inside you, a reminder that what happened was not a wet dream.

“So, what are your plans after we land?” He asked.

Confused, you tilted your head back to look up at him. The plans you had in mind had long since disappeared from your mind. It was like recalling smoke. “Um…honestly, I think I was just going to check in to my hotel,” you answered, slightly frowning in concentration. “Yeah, I don’t think I had anything planned for right after we landed. I have some ideas written down, but nothing solid yet. Why? What were you planning?”

He shrugged, taking a deep breath as he leaned his head back against the seat. “Same thing, find my hotel, find somewhere to eat dinner tonight.” He drummed his fingers against your side, chewing on the side of his cheek while lost in thought. Then he turned to look back down at you, a soft smile appearing on his face the longer he stared. “What if…we stayed together? In the same hotel, and room. I hear exploring a foreign country is a lot more fun with another person.”

The smooth repetition of his fingers against your skin relaxed you, a comfort you found yourself relishing in as you sighed. The thought had crossed your mind when you were first planning on this vacation, but you had dismissed it when the few friends you knew would have joined you said they couldn’t, and with no one else to ask, settled for traveling by yourself.

Now the idea seemed lonely and unappealing, especially with this wonderful man who held you in his arms.

Sweetly smiling, you stretched up and kissed him again, taking all the time you wanted. You felt his hands wrap around the small of your back as if to cradle you, a tilt of his head allowing the kiss to become something more, but not as intense as before. Lust and desire had been replaced with adoration and a tenderness that made you want to cry. The passion was still there, and you knew that if you said no, you’d be saying no to so much more than a vacation with Hoseok.

Life didn’t casually hand out men like Hoseok every day.

You squinted at the loud noise that filled the room, confused because you couldn’t remember falling asleep again. There was a chuckling coming from above you and as you slowly sat up and looked around, you noticed that Hoseok was gone.

“Right here baby.”

Turning in the direction of the voice, you smiled when you finally saw him. He was standing in the aisle, your duffle bag in the seat where he had been sitting. “The plane landed so I got your bag for you and threw out our trash.”

“Thank you,” you said, folding the blanket as you sat there. Your seats were at the very back of the plane so it would be awhile before you could leave. “Were you able to call the hotel?” Before falling asleep, you had given Hoseok the number and address for the hotel you were staying at so that he could call and inform the staff that there would be two people staying in the room now.

“Yup,” he cheerfully answered, taking the blanket you handed him and putting it in your duffle bag for you. “And I cancelled my stay at the hotel I was going to use. They weren’t exactly, pleased with my last-minute call.”

Chuckling, you stood and looked around one last time, double checking that you had everything, before going to Hoseok and wrapping your arms around his neck. “What did they want you to say?” You teased, gently kissing him as his hands found their home on your hips. “That you met someone on the plane and decided to follow her every move?”

He laughed as his fingers drew deep circles in your sides, kissing you once before leaning back to gaze at you, his eyes shining with happiness. “More like my seat mate turned out to be this beautiful woman who I ended up fucking on the plane, only to discover that leaving her after the flight sounded worse than death.”

He had lowered his voice and gave a knowing grin as he pressed his forehead against yours. “I mean it though. Leaving you after what we did, it felt so wrong. Plus, I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

“Why’s that?” You softly asked, not knowing how a simple flight managed to turn into all this.

Hoseok’s eyes seemed to radiate sunshine as he gently kissed the tip of your nose. “Because I am guaranteed two weeks, in a foreign country, with someone who I believe is going to change my entire life.”

The fact that he felt the same way, had you wondering if maybe fate had played a hand in this meeting. Noticing that the plane was starting to thin out, you knew that the adventure was only going to start once the two of you left.

“If I’m going to change your entire life,” you whispered back, “then that means you’re going to be in it for a lot longer than two weeks.”

His lips curled up in amusement, determination flashing in his gaze as he handed you your bag. “I guess we’ll find out at the end of these two weeks then.”

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missjanjie · 4 years ago

Text

These Words are My Own (From My Heart) | Crygi

Title: These Words are My Own (From My Heart) Summary: Gigi brings a journal with her to the Drag Race set, intending to keep it as a way to express her thoughts during the competition and quell her anxiety. Instead, it becomes the narration of a love story that unfolded behind the scenes. Word Count: 2415 Relationship(s): Crygi (Crystal Methyd/Gigi Goode) Rating: M Notes: This is a diary/journal-style fic, so it’s written from Gigi’s POV throughout

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July 22nd 2019

I don’t know what I expected from the first day of filming, but it was… a lot. The two group thing puts on that extra level of pressure, and I can already feel a little sliver of anxiety trying to wiggle its way in. Not that I’d ever let it show, of course. It’s way too early to worry.

As far as the other girls… I actually like them all, which, let’s be honest, is the biggest shock of them all. I almost kind of wanted an enemy. But I think I might have found the opposite. Crystal.

Crystal is weird. She’s so fucking weird, but she’s funny and kind and smells really nice and is super cute out of drag. I don’t know where I’m going with this. We just had an instant connection, and I think it’ll be a nice thing to have in a situation like this.

July 25th 2019

Holy shit. The first episode is done. I’m so fucking tired. And I fucking crushed it, oh my god. I didn’t expect anything less, of course. This is a sign for how the competition’s gonna be for me, I just know it.

But anyways.

Crystal told a joke during dinner that made me shoot water out of my nose. Nicky called me a sprinkler for the rest of the night, so fuck her. Besides, Crystal said it was cute. I know, I’m sounding like I have a crush on her, but I don’t. I just appreciate being around her, we get along well. So let me reiterate: I do not have a crush on Crystal.

July 26th 2019

I have a crush on Crystal.

They’re filming the other premiere today and we had some time to sneak away. I don’t know who she got weed from, but I owe them my life. We shared a joint and whenever she had it I just… stared at her. I don’t know how to explain it – she looked all glowy in the sunlight. Her hair – that fucking mullet – looked so soft and shiny, she looked like art.

I hate her. I want to hold her dumb hand and kiss her stupid face.

July 29th 2019

Crystal has a boyfriend. Of course she has a fucking boyfriend. Why wouldn’t she? There’s probably like, six other gay guys in Springfield and I bet they all want her. This is why I don’t do crushes. Crushes are bullshit. This is bullshit.

But… she held my hand in the van today. That was nice.

Fuck.

July 30th 2019

I kinda avoided Crystal on set today. I felt bad but it just made me sad and that’s not something I’m gonna deal with. I think Jackie suspects something’s up though. Her mama bear senses are tingling, I just know it. I thought it’d be annoying, but it’s nice having someone older and wiser keeping an eye on me.

Oh my god, Jackie’s my babysitter. Maybe I should talk to her about Crystal. I feel like she’d listen. She’ll probably try too hard to help, like it’s a puzzle that she needs to solve, but if I have to tell someone, it’d be her. And maybe it’ll make me miss Crystal a little less.

July 31st 2019

I was wrong, Jackie’s not my babysitter, she’s my mom. Not in a bad way, because obviously my mom’s the best, but in that she got very invested in the Crystal situation in the same way my mom always likes to hear about whatever guy I’m dating.

The good news is that Crystal’s relationship is open. I mean, that is good news, right? It feels like it should be, and my heart wants to latch onto the fact that I could have her in some capacity. Having her in any capacity almost feels like it’d be enough, at least for now.

She asked me if something was wrong, said I seemed ‘distant’. What was I supposed to do, tell her the truth? That’s ridiculous. I just apologized and said I was dealing with migraines. She offered to smoke me out next time she gets her hands on anything. And I know I’m not gonna be able to say no to her, there’s no point in even trying.

August 5th 2019

I think Crystal knows I like her. The energy between us has shifted and it… feels kinda good. She’s more touchy, more giggly. I think she even flirted with me today. I don’t know if she figured it out on her own, or if Jackie told her, but she’s onto me.

The thing is, I don’t know what to do about it. Yes, she’s in an open relationship, so it’s ‘technically’ okay, but it’s not the same. I don’t have anything against it, but… I don’t know, maybe I’m just selfish and want Crystal all to myself.

I feel guilty, then I feel stupid for feeling guilty, because I know I don’t need to be. Make it make sense.

August 6th 2019

If Jackie tells me one more time that I ‘need to talk to Crystal about my feelings’, I’m gonna blow up her spot about all those not-so-platonic gazes she keeps directing at a certain singing queen. She thinks I haven’t noticed, but she’s not subtle either. I wouldn’t do it on camera, though. That’d get too messy.

Besides, I don’t even know where to begin when it comes to explaining how I feel anyway. I don’t like explaining myself and I don’t like all that ‘bare your soul’ type of emotional intimacy. All I know is that I want Crystal in every way you can want someone. But that doesn’t seem like enough to say. Like, if I’m gonna spill my guts, I’d have to go all out. And I don’t want to do that. So. I’m gonna stay quiet and wait for this to blow over, like a normal person.

August 9th 2019

Crystal kissed me.

We were in the back of the van. I was talking about… I don’t even remember what I was talking about, but out of nowhere, she just kisses me, like it was normal, like it was the easiest thing in the world. It was soft, gentle, but with this little hint of desire that still has me hot under the collar.

And I didn’t know what to say. What the fuck was I supposed to say? I asked, “what was that for?” And she just smiled and said “you look really pretty and I wanted to.”

I wish I could’ve said something smart and funny, or flirt and bat my lashes. But no, that’s Gigi’s confidence and attitude. This was all Sam, an idiot whose brain short-circuited after one kiss. “Oh, thanks,” was all I said and I’m gonna be kicking myself for it until I’m dead. And right now, I’m hoping that’s soon.

August 12th 2019

I kissed Crystal this time. I needed to gain some semblance of control here. She seemed surprised, but also kind of relieved. Had she been worried I was mad or freaked out? Funny enough, her being relieved made me feel relieved too. I think we’re on the same page now. I don’t know what this means for us now, but I feel like it means something.

August 13th 2019

The good news is I’ve got Jackie off my back for now. The bad news is it’s because her girlfriend is probably planning my murder. I mean, at the end of the day, a win is a win. But the bruise I had on my ass for a week is a poignant reminder that Jan was a jock who could snap me in half if she wanted to.

Which is also weirdly hot? I can see why Jackie’s ‘secretly’ pining for her and shit. Or maybe I’m getting too lonely and need to get Crystal’s mouth on me again. Not even in a dirty way, though that mental image sure is nice…

August 14th 2019

Maybe I thought about that mental image too much, because I had a sex dream about Crystal last night, like, a hot one.

We were in the werkroom, the only ones in there, and Crystal’s sitting up on one of the tables, I’m standing in between his legs and we’re making out. Then it’s kinda blurry, but next, we’re both naked and I have him bent over the table. And I can remember pulling his hair and listening to him moan while I fuck him. It felt real, and I haven’t had a wet dream since high school.

I just hope it doesn’t affect me when I get on set, I can’t afford to lose focus because I’m too busy thinking about jumping Crystal’s bones.

August 19th 2019

So… I guess in a way, I manifested more physical intimacy between Crystal and I. I was telling him how I was all stressed and wound up after not doing well in the last challenge, and that I don’t think I did well with this one, and he’s quiet for a moment, then goes “let me help you feel better.”

And I’m just like, okay? I didn’t know what to expect, but then he takes his jacket off and puts it over my lap and… I’m perplexed. I’m intrigued. I’m aroused. Even when he’s undoing my jeans, I’m thinking, ‘there’s no way he’s actually gonna do this, right?’ But the only person that keeps an eye on us in the van is Jackie, and he’s got his own problems to worry about.

Long story short, Crystal jerked me off in the back of the van. It was hotter than I thought it’d be – I guess having to stay quiet because four other queens and a PA could’ve caught us adds an extra thrill. Of course, I would’ve returned the favor if we’d had time. Next time, though. Next time.

August 21st 2019

‘Next time’ did happen, and it came back to bite me on the ass. I didn’t think people really had Freudian slips until the way I said “we’re fucking in the top six” in Untucked. It didn’t help that Crystal had this smirky grin. Ugh, I could’ve died.

I feel like everyone knows, honestly. That they’re just not saying anything to be polite. I’m sure once this is all over, I’ll never hear the end of it, though.

August 24th 2019

I think I’m in love with Crystal. I knew I loved her, admired her, but… it’s more than that. And I think I’ve known for a while, but I haven’t been able to articulate it. Because it feels so different from anything I’ve ever felt before. Crystal is so different from anyone I’ve ever met before.

I don’t know what this means for us when this is all over. It’s not like I expect her to leave her boyfriend and move in with me here in LA. But I wouldn’t say no to that either, you know? Right now I feel selfish, that I just want her all to myself. But maybe I’m just sad that come Monday, it’ll be the last chunk of time we’ll have together for a while.

It’s barely been over a month and I already can’t picture my world without her. And… yeah, I’m in love with her.

August 29th 2019

Crystal and I had one day together before he had to go back home, and we made the most of it. We did the cute shit like go out to eat and take a walk, but I also got to take him back to my apartment and fuck him like I wanted to since day one.

I don’t know what this means for us, now. He’s back in Missouri, getting ready for the next Get Dusted show. I’m here, still in full drag after a photoshoot. I guess this is ‘back to normal’, but I don’t know how anything is ever going to feel normal again.

October 18th 2019

Filming Drag Race feels worlds away now, it’s weird being too busy to write most of the time. But by the same hand, it’s nice to always be occupied, lord knows I need it.

I still talk to Crystal every day, either through text or calls or FaceTime. It’s nice to be reassured he thinks of me as much as I think of him. When I’m alone, I start to worry that maybe this was one-sided. But I don’t need to say that to him, he can tell when I feel weird and talks me down without even trying.

The thing is, I’ve always felt the most beautiful when I am Gigi, like it’s the best representation of who I am. But Crystal makes me feel beautiful even when I just woke up and he’s listening to me complain about greasy skin. I didn’t really think about something like that, about letting someone else make me feel the way I thought I could only do for myself.

Crystal is just that special.

November 2nd 2019

Crystal told me he’s in love with me for the first time. I knew, I think I knew, but I didn’t realize how much it would mean to finally hear it. I cried, and I couldn’t even be embarrassed about it.

What was funny to me was when Crystal apologized. He said he’d known for so long, and felt guilty that he kept waiting to say it. He told me he didn’t think he could give me what he wanted because he wants to stay in Missouri. I told him I don’t care how far apart we are, or who he was with.

We have something special. I don’t care what it is, we’ll make it work. And besides, the promo shoot is just two months away.

January 4th 2020

I can’t even begin to explain how good it feels to be back with the cast. Obviously I’m thrilled to see Crystal, but all of us together just makes me feel whole. Jackie asked me how things with Crystal are, I said they couldn’t be better. I asked how things with Jan are, she said there are ‘a lot of question marks’.

Compared to them, my relationship with Crystal really isn’t that complicated. We love each other, we don’t need to put a label on that. I don’t know what’s going to happen when the show airs, but I know I’ll have Crystal. Even when we’re sixteen hundred miles apart.

#crygi #goodemethyd #rpdr rpf #rpdr fanfiction

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artificialqueens · 4 years ago

Text

These Words are My Own (From My Heart) (Crygi) - Joley

ao3 link

July 22nd 2019

July 25th 2019

But anyways.

July 26th 2019

I have a crush on Crystal.

I hate her. I want to hold her dumb hand and kiss her stupid face.

July 29th 2019

But… she held my hand in the van today. That was nice.

Fuck.

July 30th 2019

July 31st 2019

August 5th 2019

I feel guilty, then I feel stupid for feeling guilty, because I know I don’t need to be. Make it make sense.

August 6th 2019

August 9th 2019

Crystal kissed me.

And I didn’t know what to say. What the fuck was I supposed to say? I asked, “what was that for?” And she just smiled and said “you look really pretty and I wanted to.”

August 12th 2019

August 13th 2019

August 14th 2019

Maybe I thought about that mental image too much, because I had a sex dream about Crystal last night, like, a hot one.

I just hope it doesn’t affect me when I get on set, I can’t afford to lose focus because I’m too busy thinking about jumping Crystal’s bones.

August 19th 2019

August 21st 2019

I feel like everyone knows, honestly. That they’re just not saying anything to be polite. I’m sure once this is all over, I’ll never hear the end of it, though.

August 24th 2019

It’s barely been over a month and I already can’t picture my world without her. And… yeah, I’m in love with her.

August 29th 2019

October 18th 2019

Filming Drag Race feels worlds away now, it’s weird being too busy to write most of the time. But by the same hand, it’s nice to always be occupied, lord knows I need it.

Crystal is just that special.

November 2nd 2019

We have something special. I don’t care what it is, we’ll make it work. And besides, the promo shoot is just two months away.

January 4th 2020

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #crygi #canon compliant #journal fic #joley #s12

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horizonwitch · 5 years ago

Photo

The Archangel Theory - A Possible Explanation to MCR's new symbolism

Hello! This is a very long post, but I hope it’s worth the reading. Sorry.

I am Nana, and today I bring you a fan-theory on the meaning behind MyChem's symbols presented to us in the occasion of the band's return announcement and later on, at the actual reunion concert day.

First Considerations:

1. being it, as the title implies, a fan-theory, I do not claim any of the exposed to be factual when associated to MCR. I bring this thread to you guys in hopes that we can discuss, expand, teach and learn with each other, and maybe come to some sort of conclusion. Riddles are fun to play, especially together. I love riddles in fandom experience. :)

2. I highly apologize for my limited vocabulary and weird phrasing. I am not a native english speaker, but I'll try my best to make this understandable to everyone;

3. Despite my personal beliefs and stupid jokes, I mean no disrespect to any religion or symbol mentioned in here. (just as much as I believe MyChem also doesn't, on the wild possibility of this thread being on point with what they planned, lol).

That being said, before we start, I have some thanks to give:

this theory was only put together thanks to my lovely mychem group chat, composed by Raffs, Clara, Caroline and Hana. thanks for all the time and effort we shared, and for holding my brain with your bare hands when it was about to melt, friends.

Also thanks to Frank Iero himself, for laughing at me on twitter for me not being able to understand the reunion clues, despite "wearing a California 2019 shirt for 6 years". I humbly accept the possibility of this theory having nothing to do with the truth, but I sure hope I can laugh back at you in the end, rat. I love you.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, let's finally head to The Archangel Theory, or, as I like to call it, The “If We're Not Careful We'll Turn Into Catholics” Theory, and how it all started.

It was Halloween. Everyone here was minding their own damn business (I was being a clown on twitter, Hana was putting on her badass revenge-themed makeup. You know, the usual). And we all know what happened: MCR raised gracefully from the dead, dropping brand new symbolism and a stunning angel image to our poor panicked hearts. A few days later, when Hana’s crying ruined makeup was long gone and everyone calmed the F down a little bit, people started to ask themselves: okay, cool, but what does it mean?

Like many of you, the first thought that crossed my mind was tarot. Because, well, how f-ing cool would it be, right? I draw tarot everyday. I just loved the idea. Mychem posting a latin countdown with some eerie photo was just… yea, I was very excited with this.

Many of us also associated the symbols with past albums and even with the members themselves. All of these theories are very valid to me, and I loved reading them. I agree with many points raised.

Well, everything was fine (as fine as it could be, because I am so damn curious). The Return concert happened at the faithful date of December 20, California. We all freaked out and enjoyed the noble services’ of days_fate and diet_shampoo’s streaming. All that jazz.

But then: well… another angel. I started to think to myself: is this a pattern? The show ends, we get very emotional, everything is okay (i hate this pun) with the world. Frank Iero makes a post-concert post on instagram, talking about how everything was pure Magick. With a K.

For those unfamiliar, this is an occultist term related to Aleister Crowley’s Thelema, to differentiate the religious concept from the “stage magic” that we are used to. A very carefully picked name that I highly doubt someone would drop around without knowing what it implies.... Don’t even start me with the K and C keys being so damn far away from each other on a keyboard.

At this point me and my groupchat were starting to be very done with Frank’s clownery (we indeed love him very much for that), and so we started to hurt our minds every single day since then. that’s the result:

THE ARCHANGEL THEORY

Let’s Return™ to the basics: angels and, probably, tarot.

Funny enough, there are actually angels in tarot cards. There are many types of decks, but for this we are using the most famous one, which most people believe holds ancient symbolism, The Rider-Waite Tarot.

There are many angels and archangels mentioned in the Bible (only a few by name, tho), but only four of them made it into being represented in tarot cards: Uriel, Michael, Gabriel and Raphael. Let’s get the gang together and meet the holy crew (please, forgive me for the puns).

Uriel:

whose name means “the light of god”, “the flame of god”. It’s the Wise Angel, often pictured as the one who holds books and scrolls and bears holy knowledge and understanding. or Clarity, if you will. They’re sort of the goth one™, associated with the Tartarus and being pictured as pitiless as any demon would; even holding the key to Hell during the end of times, Uriel is described as the angel who watches “over thunder and terror”. Uriel is sometimes even mistaken for a demon (apparently, the eastern catholicism accepts Uriel identity as an archangel, while the western catholicism gives more credit to its dark side, and does not encourage worshiping); this duality comes from the notion that very often, enlightenment may be the end result of dark times. Every archangel has many, I said MANY symbols attached to them, so other elements associated with this angel can be found on the image attached to this post.

About Uriel’s Tarot Card: if you were raised in a catholic family and slept through as much catechism as I did as a kid, maybe you’ll be surprised to know that Lucifer, Satan and Uriel are all different beings. Let it be a lesson: no matter how edgy of a teen you are, please accept knowledge from any possible source. Putting this thread together would’ve been so easier to me now if I did, haha... That being said, our angel Uriel is actually the Devil in the Devil Tarot card, which meaning touches on addiction, obsession, feeling imprisoned or restrained, but it being only an illusion of powerlessness. This card is an invitation to free yourself, fight distractions and temptation, and finally fulfill your destiny. Please, consider that tarot readings are very deep and variable; there’s extensive books only on tarot meaning, so I won’t explore much on each card. that’s just a very general notion.

Some sources also consider Uriel to be the responsible for the change represented in the Death card, despite not being directly pictured in such card. As stated before, Uriel is associated with the concept Death brings, being a turning point, and ending route.

The symbolism presented in the Devil card (as for the Rider-Waiter deck):

“At the foot of the Devil stand a man and a woman, both naked and chained to the podium on which the Devil sits. They appear to be held here against their will – but look closer, and you will notice that the chains around their necks are loose and could be easily removed. Each has small horns on their head, like the devil’s, a sign that they are becoming increasingly like him the longer they stay here. Both have tails, a further symbol of their animalistic tendencies and raw instincts, and the grapes and the fire on their respective tails signify pleasure and lust.”

Poor people. If only they knew better. A lil bit of Clarity, huh?

That’s it for MCR’s clarity symbol, conveniently shaped as a candle.

Michael:

whose name means “who is like god” (being it a rhetorical question, to mean that no one equals to God). It’s the Protector Angel. They’re the leader of angels in the battle against demons, Defender of God’s realm against Satan in the Book of Revelation. Michael is a warrior, and is often seem with the sword in hand, to allure to the idea of bravery. They’re described as the angel of strength, protection and Courage.

About Michael’s Tarot Card: Michael appears on the major arcana Temperance. In fact, even the name “Temperance” comes from the process of refining and strengthening materials in metallurgy. this one likes swords a lot, huh. That’s a card which meaning touches on patience and prudence. It means already having a clear vision and knowing what you want to achieve. Now It’s all about thinking before action, and accepting the balance of things, blending the opposites to achieve an ideal solution. Apparently a very suited card for a warrior of faith. Prepare yourself: in my research, I’ve found a source that associates this card with the color blue (the very same of the archangel) and the musical note G. Yes, the universe has a strange sense of humor.

The symbolism presented in the Temperance card: “The vessels in the angel’s hands represent the vessel that contains eternal life. The flowers are Irises symbolising the goddess Iris who links God to humanity. Iris travels from one end of the world to another, into the depth of the sea and the underworld. The angel’s feet, one on land and one in water, symbolise the unification of the external and internal, conscious and subconscious. It also represents testing the waters before jumping into the unknown. The red wings on the angel represent blood which symbolizes life. The sun conceals a crown which represents a connection to higher power. The triangle on the angel’s dress is an equilateral triangle and symbolise spirit, divinity, fire, life, prosperity, and harmony. It can also symbolise God and the holy trinity. The square outside the triangle represents protection and stability.”

The MCR symbol for Courage is a drop. is it a drop of blood? for an warrior angel and their endless battles on God’s behalf? Of water, the waters of unknown? The water of balance of life? I don’t know.

When Michael / was a young genderless being,/ their father…

Gabriel:

whose name means “strength of god”. It’s the Messenger Angel; Gabriel is often portrayed playing the trumpet, to make announcements of God’s will. (many angels play the trumpets on Revelations book,, but Gabriel seems to be the most intimately attached to this concept). In the hierarchy of angels, Gabriel seems to occupy a very high position, being knows as the “Left Hand of God” (our Michael aforementioned being the Right-hand angel).

Their famous appearances on the Bible includes appearing to Zechariah and the Virgin Mary, foretelling the births of John the Baptist and Jesus. Islam also has Gabriel appearing for many prophets, telling them the divine plans. In a way, all those messages are basically callings to a higher purpose, a proof of faith, a personal Sacrifice. This idea is reiterated by the symbolism of Gabriel’s tarot card.

Gabriel is also one of the Angels of Death (depending on the religious we are speaking about, there are over 14 different angels with this role). Not in a dark way, their role is to comfort and bring peace to the deceased, guiding them into the light. Gabriel is therefore an angel of mercy, redemption achieved through a proof of faith (often a self-sacrifice, of any nature), after a fair judgement. speaking of which…

About Gabriel’s tarot card: Gabriel appears on the major arcana Judgement, which meaning touches on taking responsibility for your actions, speaking the truth. It’s a beginning/ending type of card, but a different kind of change than the one represented on one of Uriel’s card, Death. While Death brings something unstoppable, more powerful than anyone’s options, Judgement usually portraits something you can actually choose to take part in. But it also your responsibility any consequences of not taking this step. A fair judgement, indeed.

The Symbolism presented in the Judgement card: “The angel with the Trumpet could be a reference to the angels and the seven trumpets in Revelation, bringing apocalypse and resurrection. The white banner with the red cross can be St. George Flag, and a reference to Saint George gives Judgement the symbolism of sacrifice done in the name of our faith. Both the flag and the trumpet are military symbols of authority. A man, a woman and a child are being called from the tomb of ego consciousness. The three people are reflected on the other side of the river, another symbol of the soul’s victory over death. The three people are also a symbol of the three pillars of the tree of life. The man and the woman has changed side from the familiar feminine on the left and masculine on the right. In Judgement it is the other way around. Perhaps it is to unify us and to tell us to look at a situation from a different perspective, from within. You are seeing the pillars from the Angel’s perspective. This symbolises to raise your thinking and ask for Divine Perspective. The mountains represent the structure that surrounds us all.”

Calling all units! Time for the ultimate vibe check.

I guess that’s it for our third MCR symbol, Sacrifice, shaped as hand. Is it a left hand, just like one of Gabriel’s titles? that would be interesting.

But not so fast.

Now we come to an interesting point. Gabriel is the first of our angels to have a sculpture used by My Chem. :) It’s actually endearing how, if this assumption is correct, they chose the messenger archangel to bring the good news: mcr is alive!

About Gabriel’s sculpture: our Return angel, as some of us already know by this point, is actually a piece called “Angelo e Alma”, by italian artist Pasquale Rizzoli. It is located on Cella Magnani, a memorial chapel of the Magnani family, inside Certosa di Bologna, which is a very antique monastery, later transformed on a monumental cemetery for many italian families. You can take a look here, it’s stunningly beautiful.

Finished in 1906, this piece was a commission by the widow of a war veteran called Natale Magnani, who apparently died young. As far as I understand written italian, since I speak portuguese (latin languages perks, yey!), it’s still difficult to me to do further research on this family. Being it an old, traditional italian family, there’s tons of Magnanis, but there’s little to no info on Natale or his wife’s lives on the internet, it seems. If you’re italian and have any info about this, please comment. It can actually be relevant to this thread.

This sculpture portraits an angel ascending to heavens, guiding a soul (represented as a woman in a long dress). There’s rose branches and lilies at the feet of both the angel and the soul, as they fly together. These flowers pay homage to Magnani’s family blazon, as stated by the Storia i Memoria di Bologna Project website, that also offers on their site a brief explanation on the meaning behind the many other plants on this piece. they all basically allure to death, sleep, and resurrection. you can check it out here.

The presented symbolism, being an angel appearing to a soul in their travel to the spiritual realm, and even the flowers used, lead me to conclude that this sculpture very likely pictures our Archangel Gabriel, in their judgement roles again.

Now, our holy rpg party already has a mage, a paladin and a bard. It’s time to introduce the most underappreciated (and my personal favorite) class:

Raphael:

whose name means “God heals”. Raphael is the angel for healing, thus making ‘whole’ everything that has been broken. They’re also a patron for lovers, role that he plays by using his healing powers in a non-literal way. Pay attention to the “fixing the broken and making it a whole again” part, that’s the connotation.

Both of these titles come from the roles Raphael played, depicted on the scriptures: the most famous ones being when Raphael was sent by the Lord to heal Tobit of his blindness and to deliver Sarah, his future daughter-in-law, from the demon Asmodeus, who killed every man she married on their wedding night before the marriage could be consummated.

Another famous role commonly related to Raphael is about the Pool of Bethesda. Despite not being mentioned by name, manuscripts of John 5:1–4 describe an angel that blessed this pool, healing the illness of those who touched its waters:

"an angel of the Lord descended at certain times into the pond; and the water was moved. And he that went down first into the pond after the motion of the water was made whole of whatsoever infirmity he lay under". It’s usually given credit to Raphael for this action, since they’re seem using healing power to fulfill God’s will in many occasions through the Bible.

About Raphael’s Tarot card: Raphael appears on the major arcana The Lovers, as the angel blessing the couple depicted. This is a card about romantic, even sexual, attraction, but not purely that. It’s about finding peace within yourself, and in someone else, about the journey to pick “the one” for you. Making a whole out of two halves is a common concept associated with this card.

Symbolism presented on The Lovers card: “the man and the woman in the image are being protected and blessed by an angel above. The couple seems secure and happy in their home, which appears to be the Garden of Eden. The fruit tree with the snake behind the woman is a reference to that story, which tells of humanity's fall into temptation and into the realm of flesh and sensuality. The angel depicted here is Raphael, the angel of air - who is of the same element of the zodiac sign that governs this card: Gemini. Air is associated with mental activity, and communication in particular, which is the foundation for healthy relationships. His blessing seems to give this card a sense of balance and harmony, the symbolization of union in a grand and cosmic sense between two opposing forces.”

Another source adds: “The couple stands in a beautiful, fertile landscape, reminiscent of the Garden of Eden. Behind the woman stands a tall apple tree, with a snake winding its way up the trunk. The serpent and apple tree represent the temptation of sensual pleasures that may take one’s focus away from the Divine. Behind the man is a tree of flames, which represent passion, the primary concern of the man. The twelve flames suggest the twelve zodiac signs, the symbol of time and eternity. The man looks to the woman, who watches the angel, showing the path of the conscious to the subconscious to the super-conscious, or from physical desire to emotional needs to spiritual concerns. The volcanic mountain in the background is rather phallic and represents the eruption of passion that happens when man and woman meet in full frontal nudity.”

Despite the latter being a bit too horny for my tastes, lol, both descriptions reiterate Raphael’s influence on the role of patronizing health and union, a journey of Devotion.

Oh, about the MCR symbol, shaped as a half-sun. at first I couldn’t find a correlation to Raphael and this sun shape, as for the first three angels it was very clear to me since just as I started reading about them. Then I realized the huge sun portrayed on The Lovers card, behind Raphael.

Despite holding its individual meanings, Tarot cards are not meant to me taken isolatedly. (that’s one of the reasons many people are not found of the single card yes-or-no type of drawing). That being said, it is not a surprised to find traces of one card on another, and many shared symbolism. As for the sun, it appears multiple times on the Rider-Waite deck, but only one card holds the same exact half shaped, upside down, centered sun as the MCR symbol. and that’s The Lovers. :)

Now, our romantic archangel lead us to a very lovely part:

About Raphael’s Sculpture: as we waited for MCR to dramatically drop the curtain at the reunion show, we were being watched over by a piece nicknamed “Angel of the Waters,” from the Bethesda Fountain (have you heard this name before?), located in the Bethesda Terrace, Central Park, in NYC. sculpted by Emma Stebbins in 1864, this piece’s history, together with Central Park’s history can be fully read in this awesome article that my friend Clara found: here.

But since we’re already here, let’s try to make a shorter version, focusing on what’s relevant to this thread.

Upon release, the angel, which stands and above and blesses a water fountain, was directly associated with the Bethesda Pool mentioned in the Bible, and the healing acts of Raphael. On the dedication pamphlet it was quoted the very same passage from the Gospel of John, chapter 5, verses 2-4 I’ve mentioned before. It’s a shame I couldn’t find any pictures of this pamphlet on the internet. Old documents, huh. NY people, if you have access to this, I’d love to see it.

If we stopped there, it would be enough evidence to assume the connection to Raphael, but there’s more! There’s some particularities about this statue.

Its conception was a huge deal: Emma was the first woman to receive a major sculptural commission in New York City. Also, she had a female lover, the world-famous American actress Charlotte Cushman, who, for Cedar Miller, historian that wrote about Central Park and Emma’s statue, holds a huge impact on the Angel of Waters actually making into existence. In 1869, Cushman was diagnosed with breast cancer. In addition to having two mastectomies, Cushman tried water cures in England. (Water cures were a big craze from the 1830s through the 1860s). The historian who wrote about them finds it another connection to the statue itself. Unfortunately, Cushman's treatments were ultimately unsuccessful, she passed away in 1875. Emma followed her not long after, in 1882. To this day, the statue remains, and to NY is a gathering place to find tranquility, peace of mind, even in the darkest times through the its 141 years of existence. It’s a place to heal yourself.

It’s not your average Raphael statue.

We have the archangel connection, a devoted couple's backstory, and lesbian/sapphics rights. I don’t know about you, but I can even picture Gerard Way carefully picking this himself, haha.

Oh, a spicy fact I’ve learned while writing this: This angel sculpture is actually even older in MCR’s history, tracing back to revenge era merch. (I didn’t have much access to mcr merch back in the day so I didn’t know about this, I apologize!)

I guess someone got nostalgic for some catholic aesthetics, huh. Bless!

Angels in tarot, bonus addition:

It is valid to mention that not only all of the 4 mentioned archangels have their individual cards, they also appear together in a single card, The Wheel of Fortune. In this card, each angel can be seen in a corner: Raphael (Aquarius) is upper left, Gabriel (Scorpio) is the eagle, Michael (Leo) is the lion, and Uriel (Taurus) is the bull, appearing in disguise, a common thing for angels though the scriptures, it seems.

If you draw tarot, you understand how big of a deal it is. If you’re not familiar, here’s the basic notion: “The wheel of fortune is a card about cyclical change. The wheel keeps on rolling, churning events in a ceaseless progression of ups and downs, either way freeing us from the past. No one can escape its cyclical action, which can feel somewhat terrifying -- no matter whether we are rising or falling. When one is balanced on top of the wheel, there is a moment of crystal clarity. However, the only part of the wheel that's actually not going up and down is the hub, which represents your eternal self. Every one of us will occupy all the points on the wheel at one point or another. The cycle of the wheel is its lesson -- and we can learn to take comfort in it. If you don't like the look of things right now, just wait -- things will change. Of course, if you do like the look of things right now, enjoy it while it lasts, because that will change too!”

It is quite a powerful card that holds all of the aforementioned symbolism. Woa.

More symbolism seem on this card includes:

“The Wheel of Fortune card shows a giant wheel, with three figures on the outer edges. Four Hebrew letters – YHVH (Yod Heh Vau Heh), the unpronounceable name of God – are inscribed on the wheel’s face. There are also the letters TORA, thought to be a version of the word Torah, meaning ‘law’, or TAROT, or even ROTA (Latin for ‘wheel’). The middle wheel has the alchemical symbols for mercury, sulphur, water and salt – the building blocks of life and the four elements – and represents formative power. On the outer circle is a snake, the Egyptian god Typhon (the god of evil), descending on the left side. The snake also represents the life force plunging into the material world. On the right side rises the Anubis, the Egyptian God of the dead who welcomes souls to the underworld. And on top of the wheel sits the Sphinx, representing knowledge and strength.”

THE SECOND SET OF SYMBOLS - STILL A MYSTERY

So, after all this, if any of this is correct at all, we just learned the meaning behind the first four MCR symbols, released on halloween: Clarity, Courage, Sacrifice and Devotion.

Now, what about the ones released at the reunion show, on the merch truck? Well, my friends, we still have a lot to think about.

I am a doctor, and in my profession there’s a saying which instruct us to always think of what seems like a complicated situation, with many possibilities, as a single disease causing many effects. That was my train of thought as I tried to associate these new symbols with the Archangels that we already have. It may have nothing to do with that at all, but it’s worth trying.

Differently from the first set, the second set didn’t get an official release, and does not hold text captions to guide us on it’s meaning. the symbol shapes, however, are easier to associate with tarot cards than the first ones, in my opinion. I’ve seen people online trying to guess it too.

Having the angels and their aforementioned traits as a guiding line, I used some symbolism associated to each one to connect them to a new symbol, as you can see on the picture attached to this post.

I have some major problems with this, tho, the biggest one being the order of the symbols not matching the first set sequence. We had Uriel (Clarity) / Michael (Courage) / Gabriel (Sacrifice) and Raphael (Devotion). The second set order was Sword / Moon / Tower / Wand, so the sequence goes like Michael / Gabriel / Uriel / Raphael. It doesn’t match. Please, help me.

THINGS THAT KEEP ME UP AT NIGHT: ABOUT WITCHCRAFT AND… SOLDIERS?

During the past weeks of my life I’ve been researching all types of things to break this down, so I came across some very unsettling things that may be just wild coincidences or... something else? Just in case, I am putting them here in case anyone finds some connection that I couldn’t.

Sigils and Pagan influences, maybe?

As some people on twitter and reddit noticed, Gerard was using a sigil on his arm that reads “My Chemical Romance”. Every Archangel mentioned here also holds its own sigil, which is shown on the picture attached to this post. While I was excited about the dates for new concerts, I started to think, is there anything special about these dates? I tried to not overthink it because we probably have major influences of disponibilities and,,, Label issues...I don’t know? some very practical stuff going on. But still, I came across an interesting match.

There’s 8 sabbaths, composing the Wheel of the Year, “an annual cycle of seasonal festivals, observed by many modern pagans, consisting of the year's chief solar events (solstices and equinoxes) and the midpoints between them.”

eight sabbaths, eight symbols, huh. Initially, I tried to connect each symbol to a sabbath, but it was very… not satisfying enough to me, so I’m leaving that out; nonetheless, I still believe they hold some meaning similarities.

And it doesn’t stop there.

That our lovely wheel of the year: here. We’re using a northern hemisphere version, since MCR is based in the USA.

The band returned on Halloween, which is the Samhain that occurs between Oct 31 / Nov 1. There’s some minor variation on dates because the Celtic day begins and ends at sunset.

Return Show took place in California, Dec 20: which marks the start of Yule. (Yule dates range from Dec 19 to Dec 22, for the Celtic calendar reasons)

The next sabbath is Imbolt, that takes place on Feb 1 / Feb 2. MCR has nothing announced for this date until now.

2020 concerts will happen during the week of March 20, 21, 25, 28 and 29, In Australia, New Zealand and Japan, as for now. That marks the start of the Ostara sabbath, which start range is March 20/21.

so… can we expect something (anything?) being announced at Feb 1 or 2, or near that? What about all the remaining sabbaths? Is that a reach? is it related at all? oof.

Who said Danger Days isn’t goth enough?

Another VERY interesting thing my group chat found on the internet during our MCR tarot obsession. If this theory is correct, this is not the first time they would be alluring to it. Please look at this pic of Grace Jeanette, The Girl in DD universe, posing with the mailbox on the set of the “Art Is The Weapon”/“Na Na Na” video shoot (2010). (Exact source and photographer unknown; likely taken by Jeanette’s mother). (big thanks to tumblr user killjoyhistory).

Bellow the big “OH HELL” we have four tarot cards, on the very same deck we used for this thread, the Rider-Waite deck. The cards are The Tower, The Devil, Death and Three of Wands.

Please note that it may have no correlation to future works, since DD itself had religious symbolism with the Phoenix Witch and this mailbox (go read the comics if you didn’t already. DD rights!), it may be a DD-only thing. Also, please note that 3 out 4 of theses cards were already mentioned in this thread, all possibly related to archangel Uriel.

To wage this war against your faith in me, MCRMY.

So. This one will sound weird and maybe a reach too, but, hey, mychem is alive and breathing, I guess there’s nothing really impossible, haha….?

Are we all familiar with Gerard liking a lot that green coat? After all those years, I guess so.

Indeed, our lovely frontman used yet another green jacket as his return outfit. This time, it was a military one. As a foreigner, and being very ignorant on how the US Army works, I got curious about the badge on his jacket. Maybe that’s common sense to you guys and I’m just embarrassing myself, but hey! be kind to someone who’s sort of dying inside after all this thinking process, would you?

The badge on Gerard’s jacket happens to be from the 1st Armored Division, a.k.a the Old Ironsides, named after an old ship (and the world's oldest commissioned naval vessel still afloat).

Actually, the nickname “Old Ironsides” trace back to England in 17th century, during their Civil War, but I didn’t find many relevant content / possible connections, besides them being mostly Protestant, in terms of religion… referring to them after all this catholic-conception angel talk is some sort of metaphorical war going on, MCR? Who knows. History-loving english folks, I’m counting on you too now to confirm this, lmao!

The American side of the “Old Ironsides” term, after being passed down from England during their Independence Wars (please be kind with me, my knowledge about american independence is almost 100% from Hamilton the musical lmao, help me) apparently resides, mostly on the US Army/Navy.

Interesting coincidences (?) about this: the Old Ironside ship, aka USS Constitution, has a familiar date on its history: November 1. I’m quoting its construction period info: “Her keel was laid down on 1 November 1794 at Edmund Hartt's shipyard in Boston, Massachusetts under the supervision of Captain Samuel Nicholson and master shipwright Colonel George Claghorn.”

I didn’t read much about it since I’m already at edge with everything I’ve been researching but, it seems it was a very adored ship. In fact, one of the reasons it’s still in active service it’s because a poet even made it a famous poem about this ship, that you can read here. It’s symbolic and adored, it seems.

About the homonymous 1st Armored Division of the US Army, which badge Gerard used during the return show: being the first armored division of the U.S. Army to see battle in World War II, it also holds a huge historical meaning.

Again, I don’t have much info to share about this and I think some of you will find possible connections on this better than I would.

But wtf does it have to do with all the angels, Nana?

Well, as mentioned before, angels fight battles in the name of God. They’re heaven’s military. Michael, especially, is a warrior angel and leads God’s troupes against the demons.

Something interesting I’ve found relating Gabriel (which statue, let’s not forget, was commissioned by a war widow) to the war concept was the hebrew poem "Elifelet" (אליפלט) written by Nathan Alterman in 1958, often turned into music and played on the israeli radio. it tells of a heroic, self-sacrificing (hm…) israeli soldier being killed in battle. Upon the protagonist's death, the angel Gabriel descends to Earth, in order to comfort the spirit of the fallen hero and take him up to Heaven. It’s very touching, and you can read it here.

I’m not saying any particular work like this poem is relevant to MCR’s possible new concept. (let’s not be political here, but also be honest: Israel wars are a delicate matter to bring up). We’re solely working with symbolism and history. Please keep that in mind.

MCR has touched on war thematics before in many occasions (I will not mention all of them, as I believe that as a fandom, we’re aware of that, and we can help new fans to understand it if needed. This text is already TOO LONG). Maybe it’s time for them to talk about some conflicts again, literal or metaphorical? Let’s wait and see.

Oh, one last thing. There’s actually a whole another navy air test and evaluation squadron, the Antarctic Development Squadron Six (VXE-6 or ANTARCTIC DEVRON SIX, commonly referred to by its nickname, The Puckered Penguins). They’re based on California (lmao) and their motto is… Well, “Courage, Sacrifice, Devotion”. Uriel kinda left behind again, huh. I’m sorry sweetie.

Again, I apologize if this last section (or even the whole thing..haha…) looks far-fetched, but I just… had to take it out of my chest, sorta? Sorry.

That concludes our Archangel Theory. Thank you if you took your time to read through it all.

List of things to maybe expect in the future:

Something on Feb 1 / Feb 2

Two more angel statues, being them related to Uriel and Michael in some sort of way. I’ve tried to find any suitable matches but… there’s just too many, and as we’ve seen it may even not be officially claimed which angel is portrayed. So let’s wait and see.

More pagan symbolism?

Something about War??

Cryptid posts related to UK and paganism, January 17th and January 24th.

## EDIT (01/12): about new mcr cryptid posts...

If you’re following MCR new updates, as for now you’re aware of the United Kingdom Stuff going on... Interesting coincidences (or is it?) about those:

Both posts were made on the same day the lunar cicle changes. This month, the moon shows up a different form every friday, so maybe prepare you heart for January 17th and 24th. Also, I believe they’re using London time for the updates. in fact, the most recent post (the video with theban alphabet) was posted only 30 minutes after midnight in London. So I’m adding that to our list of things to expect in the future.

Also, someone at warner might be in trouble right now. the ig account for Warner Music Artistic Services (@wmas) posted a variation of the video posted by MCR, only a day later, featuring another order for the theban caracters, a slightly different UK flag (it was somehow merged with a picture? it’s difficult to tell), and a new frame that consists of a forest, similar to the one Gerard posted on his own instagram, and the one featured as background for the skeleton holding a witchcraft-related dagger photo from 2 weeks ago. Differently from the previous mcr video, which was silent, this one featured a sound, if my ears are not mistaken, a very dramatic C# note played on piano or organ (church instruments, huh. funny. but it could be worse, at least is not a G note...)

The video was labeled as LFG, that could mean a million of things. the most relevant ones, I believe, could be “Looking For A Group”, a classic D&D/RPG term (If I close my eyes long enough I can hear distant circus music playing in my head, for I have compared the four archangels to a holy RPG party weeks ago...)or “London Forest Gate”, a neighbourhood in London. please tell me if you have any ideas about what else it could mean, haha....

This video was deleted, but you can still find it around on twitter.

Well, that’s it for now. I’ll keep updating this post as more content is released. Keep running!

#my chemical romance #mcr #mcr theory #mcr 5 #california 2019 #mcr reunion

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pahsmina · 4 years ago

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Wardrobe post 2021 part 1 - dresses (image and text heavy)

For years I have wanted to tag along the trend in the EGL community to make a wardrobe post. But I just never took the time and effort to go through with it. Perhaps it’s because I’m so used to writing about merchandise that I sometimes feel a little lost what to write when it comes to clothes?

So let’s go 2021, let’s do this!

In this post I will focus on dresses, so get ready for a lot of pictures, along with my endless ramblings. 🙏

Rabbit Circus by Zhijinyuan - Release unknown

Now this dress is a walking mystery for me, which most offbrand dresses often becomes for me. I first saw this on google image search while checking out different circus cords, and I fell in love with it instantly.

However every site I managed to find it on seemed to be a bit shady, so I was a little bit cautious if I would end up with something similar to the stock photos of it, or a nightmare of cheap fabric.

At the end I stumbled across it on a Japanese lolita store called Alice Doll, which seemed to be a reseller of some taobao dresses. The price was around 4000 yen, which made me think “at least it’s not a too good to be true deal” and placed an order.

And I’m so glad I ended up ordering it!

Yes the skirt part of the dress does feel a bit cheaper in the fabric than my other brand ones, but there is such a lovely attention to details in it! Plus I’m a big fan of the jacquard texture in the fabric.

Jewelry Print Chiffon JSK by Alice and the Pirates - 2007

Being an adult means I can purchase old dream dresses I used to have as a teenager. And this is one of them!

Funny story, I used to own this print in another model and colour. But sold it because I mostly bought it as a compromise for not finding this specific model.

So here I am, years later and owning that exact dream. It fits wonderfully, and the asymmetrical cut is even more beautiful in person.

Sadly mine is missing the pearl chain in the front, so I replaced it with a navy coloured bow instead.

Twinkle School Tartan JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2007

This feels like a piece of Swedish lolita history.

Over the years I have seen several people in the community all over Sweden own this dress, and also bought it secondhand from a Swedish lolita.

I wonder if this is the same dress that all those people have owned before, or if there are more Twinkle School Tartan jsks floating around here?

Titel unknown by Mary Lolita - Release unknown

I’m a really big fan of balloons, especially hot air ones. It’s just something about them that always makes me smile.

So when I found this dress I immediately had to get it, despite not knowing too much about the brand.

It’s easily one of my most comfortable dresses, and works perfect for more casual, yet colourful outfits.

Miracle Rabbit by 由纪的八音盒 - 2020

My absolute favorite theme for lolita dresses are circus and rabbit prints, so I was overjoyed when I found out the existance about this dress.

And not only that, I was quite lucky since it was sold out in almost every model, except my most desired cut, colour and size. A match made in heaven 🐰

Holy Night Story Switch JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2010

Another old dream dress of mine!

I bought this after my last breakup to cheer myself up a lil bit, but despite being purchased during such a sad time I never feel sadness whenever I look at it.

Except for circus themes, I’m a huge sucker for anything reminding me of marching band outfits. And also rats, rats are very important too. (Yes they are probably mice but let a girl dream)

My favorite detail on this one is that it’s missing one of the original buttons, and the owner before me replaced it with this crown button instead. I don’t know why, but I just find it super cute haha.

Dot Jacquard Circus JSK by Innocent World - 2008

More circus dresses!

I ended up loving this dress so much that I am actually on the hunt for the black one as well.

Bertille OP by Mary Magdalena - 2009

Despite often dressing in OTT sweet lolita prints, this dress often makes me feel a little bit too overdressed sometimes? It’s just so elegant that I feel a little bit out of place sometimes haha.

But I don’t have the heart in me to sell it, because when I do end up wearing it I just love the silhouette way too much to even consider parting with it.

(I do have the bow for the front, I just forgot to dig it up from my accessory boxes)

Dressing Up Bunny-Chan Corduroy JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2006

Time really has taken it’s toll on this dress.

I love it to death, but it makes me a little sad to see how much the blue has faded to more of a grey colour. The zipper is also broken and have to be replaced.

Sadly it’s not a hyped enough old school dress to ever see a re-release. So I will continue to care for it till the day it finally gives up.

...and then buy a new one , because boy oh boy, I love it so much.

Sugary Carnival OP by Angelic Pretty - 2009 or 2011

I was SUPER lucky when I purchased this dress last year, even if it arrived to me in a condition that is unacceptable in my eyes.

Always imagined myself buying the JSK version of this colourway, but I ended up liking the OP more than I thought.

The fabric is quite faded over the years, and I’m a little bit worried it might not match too well with the 2020 re-release of the headbow, but it’s a risk I’m willing to take.

Tiara Rose Tiered JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2009

My very first Angelic Pretty dress, and it’s still with me.

Originally purchased to wear to a wedding I was gonna attend, and kept ever since.

Dreamy Dollhouse Switching JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2009

Another dress from my breakup phase.

Purchased this while I was hospitalized as a “Bitch you’re gonna get though this”-gift to myself.

I was quite lucky with this find, since I managed to get the JSK and headbow in a set for 5000 yen.

Frederick Party Picot Lace JSK by Innocent world - 2007

I used to own this skirt in pink many many years ago, but sold it when I was getting into figure collecting and desired money for that instead. Big regrets on my part, since I ever since then desperately wanted it back.

Since then I have not managed to decide on which cut I desire for the pink one, but I was 100% about the blue one. And luckily that exact cut and colour is hanging safe and sound in my closet 💖

Milky-Chan the Fawn Ribbon JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2009

It’s kind of funny that for SC my plan was to get the JSK, but ended up with the OP instead. And it’s the complete opposite with my Milky-Chan.

This is another dress that I might not use too much, but it’s mostly because I’m a big slob and terrified of spilling something on it. Plus it’s a nightmare to iron with the ribbons on the straps and the pearl details haha.

Lyrical Party Going-out JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2011

My love for bunnies of course includes loving Lyrical Bunny. The design of this lil bun is just so cute and I can’t get enough of seeing it. I want to get more items such as accessories and novelties, but there’s always something that stops me from getting them. Like when they do pop up i’m out of cash for the moment, or sell out super fast.

So I feel lucky to at least own the Lyrical Party JSK. At first I planned on getting this in lavender, but I’m quite happy I ended up with the pink one instead.

Melty Chocolate High Waist JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2010

My pride and joy, my absolute dreamdress.

I was on the hunt for this colourway for so long that it drove me crazy. It popped up secondhand on sites not quite perfect for my timezone, so it often sold out while I had been asleep.

But a few days after Christmas in 2019 it finally showed up while I was still awake, and I purchased it with no hesitation.

Sugary Carnival JSK by Angelic Pretty - 2021

Not yet in my wardrobe, but I want to mention it anyway. I can’t wait till October😭😭

#EGL #Sweet Lolita #Innocent world #Angelic Pretty #Alice and the pirates #wardrobe post #Mary Magdalena #Taobao

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nitrateglow · 5 years ago

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Favorite film discoveries of 2019

Every year, my new-to-me favorites list always shocks me in some way. This year, the sheer amount of movies made in the 2010s on display is INSANE by my standards. Of course, most of the modern movies here are throwbacks or tributes to older styles of cinema, so maybe it’s not that shocking in the long run.

Another running trend this year: movies that are old but not as dated as we would wish. Many of the older films here deal with xenophobia and political strife in ways that still feel shockingly prescient today-- the more things change...

ONCE UPON A TIME... IN HOLLYWOOD (DIR. QUENTIN TARANTINO, 2019)

I never thought the day would come where my favorite movie of the year would actually be made after the 1970s, let alone by Quentin Tarantino. Then again, this movie is all about the end of Old Hollywood as well as a big love letter to the 1960s, so maybe it’s not that shocking a state of affairs. I adored this movie, the level of detail, the laidback yet elegaic vibe, the comedy and the relationships between all the characters. It was one of those movies where I loved even the scenes where nothing seems to be happening at all-- I mean, who knew Brad Pitt feeding his dog and watching TV could be entertaining?? But it is and I can't wait to see this one again!

INTENTIONS OF MURDER (DIR. SHOHEI IMAMURA, 1964)

Intentions of Murder has an insane premise, one that runs the risk of being tasteless: a housewife in a miserable, exploitative marriage is raped by a sickly burglar during a home invasion. Even worse, she can’t shake him, as he’s suddenly infatuated and wants her to run away with him to the city. And weirder still: her current existence is so miserable that she’s TEMPTED. While abuse and rape are grim subjects for any story, Intentions is actually about a woman coming into her own and finally standing strong against all these men trying to use her. It’s a weird blend of drama and dark comedy, a truly savage satire on patriarchy and class-snobbery.

JOKER (DIR. TODD PHILLIPS, 2019)

I went into this movie expecting to think it was overhyped and when I first left the theater, I was all ready to say “it’s good but not THAT good.” But it ended up haunting me for weeks afterward, and I found myself thinking about how everything just tied up so well together, from the grotty urban hellscape which serves as the setting to Phoenix’s brilliant performance. It reminded me a lot of A Clockwork Orange in how intimate it lets you get to this violent man while never pretending he is someone to be glamorized or imitated.

SIMON (DIR. MARSHALL BRICKMAN, 1980)

How do I even describe Simon? Alan Arkin is brainwashed by a group of overpaid intellectuals into believing he is descended from an alien toaster. Then he gets a messiah complex and starts gathering disciples as he rails against television, condiment packets, and muzak. It’s a little uneven at times, sure, but the satire is really inspired. The whole thing is like a combination of Mel Brooks, Stanley Kubrick, and Woody Allen’s styles, and it is quite hilarious for those who thrive on cult oddities.

PEEPING TOM (DIR. MICHAEL POWELL, 1960)

Though it came out the same year as Hitchcock’s Psycho and has been nearly as influential for horror cinema, Peeping Tom remains underseen by everyone save for film theorists. And what a shame that is, because this movie is more frightening than Psycho. Sure, that may be because Psycho is so predominant in popular culture and just so influential that it no longer has the same shock value, but there’s something about Peeping Tom that gets under my skin, something sad, even disgusting. I felt dirty after watching it-- and this is 2019!

MIDNIGHT MARY (DIR. WILLIAM WELLMAN, 1933)

Loretta Young got one of her juiciest roles in this pre-code crime drama. Her Mary Martin is more than just a good girl forced into criminal circles-- she’s a complicated creature, compassionate and desperate and lonely and bitter and sensual all at once. This movie is a fast-paced, beautifully filmed ride, cloaked in that Depression-era cynicism that makes pre-code Hollywood of such interest to movie geeks the world over.

WILD BOYS OF THE ROAD (DIR. WILLIAM WELLMAN, 1933)

Wild Boys of the Road is a quintessential Depression-era movie, relentless in its bleakness and rage. That the main characters are all starving kids only looking for work makes their struggles all the harder to watch. William Wellman is quickly becoming one of my favorite directors: his gritty style and compact storytelling are just perfect for a ripped-from-the-headlines drama such as this. And the “happy” ending has one little moment that just knocks any smile you have right off your mug. Absolutely see this.

THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING, THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING (DIR. NORMAN JEWISON, 1966)

Sometimes, when you watch a movie only because a favorite actor is in it, you get subjected to pure trash like Free and Easy (oh, the things I do for Buster Keaton). Other times, you get cute gems like The Russians are Coming, The Russians are Coming, which, as you probably guessed, I mainly sought out for Alan Arkin. But the whole movie is hilarious, the best kind of farce comedy, populated by enjoyable characters and a sweet-tempered humanism that grounds the wackiness. While a little overlong, this movie is quite underrated-- and sadly, its satire of American xenophobia and Cold War panic is not as dated as we would like to believe.

ALL THE PRESIDENT’S MEN (DIR. ALAN J. PAKULA, 1976)

Who knew a political thriller where most people know the twist could be so intense and riveting? It’s about as nonsensical as feeling suspense when you watch a movie about the Titanic and hope the boat won’t sink-- but damn, it’s magical. All the President’s Men is real white-knuckle stuff, with Robert Redford and Dustin Hoffman projecting both youthful excitement and deep panic as they proceed with their investigation. It scarcely seems to have aged at all.

WHISPER OF THE HEART (DIR. YOSHIFUMI KONDOU, 1995)

There’s a scene near the end of Whisper of the Heart where the protagonist Shizuku shows the finished first draft of her fantasy novel to her first reader, the grandpa of one of her schoolmates. She weeps because it isn’t the perfect image she had in her head, despite how hard she worked on it, but the old man tells her that it takes polishing and discipline to make the work come to its full potential. Few movies about artists are so honest about how hard it can be, how unsupportive others can be in their demand that everyone be “practical.” As a writer who struggles to create and constantly doubts herself, this movie spoke strongly to me. I recommend it to any creative person.

THE PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE (DIR. BRIAN DE PALMA, 1976)

I’d been wanting to see this movie since my high school phan days. Holy crap, is it WEIRDER than I could have ever imagined, a true camp masterpiece. I’m shocked it was never tuned into a stage show actually, but then again, we would miss those trippy camera angles and we wouldn’t have Paul Williams as one of the greatest villains of all time.

DUEL (DIR. STEVEN SPIELBERG, 1971)

When people talk about the best movies made in the “Hitchcock without Hitchcock directing” tradition, why is Duel so seldom mentioned? The scene in the cafe, packed with paranoid tension and tense camerawork, alone should qualify it. Duel is most known as the movie which put the young Steven Spielberg on the map. It’s quite different from his later work, grittier and less whimsical for sure. Even the ending seems almost nihilistic, depending on how you view it. But damn, if it isn’t fine filmmaking.

CAROL (DIR. TODD HAYNES, 2015)

This gorgeous throwback to Douglas Sirk melodramas is also one of the best romantic movies I’ve seen in a while. Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara have the sweetest, tenderest chemistry-- it was like seeing Lauren Bacall and Audrey Hepburn as love interests in a film. Unlike Sirk, there is little in the way of ripe melodrama here-- everything is underplayed, aching, mature. And I can say this is an adaptation that is better than the source book: it just feels so much warmer.

12 ANGRY MEN (DIR. SIDNEY LUMET, 1957

All I can say is that this was every bit equal to the hype. Common movie wisdom says people sitting and talking in a room is going to be boring on film, but movies like 12 Angry Men prove this is not so when you’ve got an excellently tense atmosphere, an inspired script, and a stable of fine actors to work with. Like The Russians are Coming, the Russians are Coming, this movie has not significantly aged-- much to society’s discredit.

A STAR IS BORN (DIR. GEORGE CUKOR, 1954)

Another movie I went into not expecting to love as much as I did. When movies from the 20s or 30s tended to get remakes in the 1950s, I always find them too garish and big, victims of glossy Cinemascope and overlong runtimes. Compared to the lean 1937 classic original, I expected sheer indulgence from this three-hour remake. Instead, I got my heart torn out all over again-- the longer runtime is used well, fleshing out the characters to a greater degree. Judy Garland and James Mason both give what might be the best efforts of their respective careers, and the satire of the celebrity machine remains as relevant and scathing as ever.

BLANCANIEVES (DIR. PABLO BERGER, 2012)

Oh, it feels like this movie was made for me specifically. It’s shot in gorgeous, expressionistic black-and-white. It’s set in the 1920s. It’s a clever adaptation of a classic fairy tale. It’s as funny and charming as it is bittersweet and macabre. Instead of more superhero movies, can we get more neo-silent movies like this? PLEASE?

THE FAVOURITE (DIR. YORGOS LANTHIMOS, 2018)

I’ve heard The Favourite described as a “bitchy lesbian Shakespeare play,” but this description, while a little true in terms of general tone, does not get to the heart of what makes this film brilliant. More than love or sex, this movie is about power-- particularly the corrupting influence of power. And it corrupts not only morals but love itself. Innocents become Machiavellian schemers. Lovers become sadomasochistic enemies. Good intentions turn to poison. This certainly isn’t a happy movie, but it is moving and, strangely enough, also hilarious. I was reminded of the chilly, satirical world of Kubrick’s Barry Lyndon more than once-- and for me, that is not a bad movie to be reminded of.

ON THE WATERFRONT (DIR. ELIA KAZAN, 1954)

Another classic that’s been on my list forever that I was delighted to find worthy of its reputation. It’s a classic tale of redemption and social justice, perfectly acted and shot. While I still prefer A Streetcar Named Desire as far as Kazan is concerned, this might be a better movie in the objective sense. Actually, more than even Brando, Karl Malden is the acting highlight for me-- he plays a priest torn between staying silent or truly speaking for the Gospel by demanding justice for the poor parish he serves. Just brilliant work.

KLUTE (DIR. ALAN J. PAKULA, 1971)

A perfect thriller, just about, and a great example of the “NYC is hell on earth” subgenre of the 1960s and 1970s. Jane Fonda is a revelation: she feels so real, not at all like a starlet trying to seem normal if you know what I mean.

KISS KISS BANG BANG (DIR. SHANE BLACK, 2005)

As far as subversive noir goes, this is the most entertaining. I would put it up there with The Big Lebowski as far as goofy takes on Raymond Chandler are concerned-- I don’t even really know what to make of it, but I laughed my ass off anytime I wasn’t going “WHAT???”

What were your favorite film discoveries in 2019?

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