#holden’s hearts on his sleeve

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

SQUARE ⏹️ WATERMELON 🍉

[theysayalltheworldsastage]

this probably sounds so strange, but sodapop crashing out is so important to me.

the sodapop who wears his heart on his sleeve and bawls over a lot of things and isn’t scared. the sodapop who knows how to comfort anyone and will listen to everyone. the sodapop who goes unheard and for that also unseen. the sodapop who realizes this and is just really fucking good at smiling and using his eyes so no one knows. no one but steve. no one but steve and dally because they one time witnessed soda loose his shit at bucks place after drinking one to many beers. no one but steve and dally, because who would he be to burden his brothers who just lost their parents and have to grow up way to soon. and then johnnys gone. and so is dally.

and everything sodapop touches goes. so he tugs at his hair and wants to rip his eyes out and break all the glassware in the house. he finds the stash of old records his dad used to collect and breaks them into tiny little shards. don’t you dare go into his old room because you are guaranteed to step on glass if you don’t watch where you are going. sodapop isn’t scared when he runs into paul holden on the street. the familiar face of his childhood. sodapop is in fact so happy to finally have a proper greaser outlet. so he throws the first punch. and second. and third. and why isn’t paul hitting back? why is sodapop sitting in an expensive car now ruined by the grease of his kind? why is he back at home and where are the beer bottles that he’s been hiding in his dresser drawer?

why is two-bit always with marcia and why is steve never around? why can’t he just snap his fingers and go. why can’t he be with mom and dad and johnny cade and dallas winston. why can’t he just reach into his chest and tear out his heart and squeeze it. because all sodapop wants to do it feel. he just wants to feel something so real that reality questions him. because this can’t really be his reality… can it? no matter which way he looks, the future isn’t in sight. so why is he here. all sodapop wants is to feel.

[rainesrants]

California & Me

Pairing: Cove Holden/Reader, Baxter Ward/Reader

Word Count: 2.4K

Tags: Angst, Unrequited Love

Summary: Cove, your best friend, sees you as more than just a friend. When a certain someone returns to Sunset Bird, how will he react? Inspired by California & Me by Laufey

A/N: I hope you enjoy! Sorry if it was too short, I wrote this in about an hour. I might edit this in the future, though.

When Cove first heard you'd be going out of state for college, he didn't know what to say. After all, this was the first time he'd heard you change your plan. It was rather spontaneous, especially considering your original idea was that you'd be remaining in California, continuing your studies and volunteering there.

When he saw the worry on your face waiting for his reaction, he felt a piece of his heart crack. Forcing on a smile and a "Congratulations!" he watched you let out a sigh of relief. He knew he couldn't make you stay; who was he to deny you of your dreams? Little did you know, the moment he went back to his home, he began crying. He didn't even bother to go to his bed, collapsing on the ground as soon as the front door closed.

You tried your best to hide it, but he knew deep down why you had decided to leave. Baxter Ward, your "suitor for the season," had left, his absence leaving a hole in your heart. You insisted that you were fine, but it was noticeable to everyone the way the light in your eyes disappeared, your smile following it. The memories were too much, the feeling of heartbreak raw in your chest.

He tried his best to be there for you, entering through your window even more frequently to check on your condition. He didn't even bother to try "sneaking in" anymore, your moms seeing his parked car in the driveway even though he was supposed to be at his new apartment.

He could only watch as the bags under your eyes got darker and darker, neglecting the need for sleep as you scrolled through all your old messages and photos. It was as if everywhere you’d look, you would still see the memories of Baxter there.

On the day of your big move, everyone who still lived there had gathered outside of your house: your parents, Mr. Holden, and Cove. This time, you would be the one leaving. First it was Derek, then Liz, then Terry and Miranda, and finally, you.

Cove had agreed to drive you to the airport, and your parents hadn’t protested driving in a separate car. They knew you both needed your space to say your farewells to each other.

As you both got inside, your luggages in the trunk, he felt the thickness of tension in the car. The only sound that could be heard was the familiar lapping of the tides fading and the sound of the road underneath as he drove farther away from Sunset Bird.

The two of you remained in silence for what felt like hours, neither speaking a word as he parked in the airport’s garage. He was thankful your parents had ushered you to leave early, allowing you more time to speak with each other before you had to check-in.

The sound of your sniffles is what caught him off guard, and as he turned to face you, he watched the tears pour from your eyes. Without a second to spare, you unbuckled your seatbelt and practically leapt across the car to pull him into a hug. The feeling of your face in his neck was something he was used to, but the way your tears dampened his shirt wasn't.

“I’m going to miss you so much. I wish I could take you with me.” Your words were muffled as you spoke into his shoulder, squeezing him tighter as if he was going to be the one leaving. At your words, he felt his own tears begin to follow, and he wrapped his arms around your torso.

Choking back a sob, he slowly rubbed his hand soothingly in circles around your back. “Hey, it’s never too late to open a pretzel stand.”

You let out a small laugh at his joke, and as you finally pulled away, you rubbed the tears from your eyes into your sleeves. Then, gently pulling him closer, you grabbed ahold of his face, wiping the tears from his cheeks. It was to no avail, the waterworks continuing to spill from both of you. This time, you both laughed.

The taste of salty tears reminded him of the ocean, and as he looked at you, all he could imagine was the sun. He didn't know how he would function without your warmth, your comforting hugs, and your caring heart. He didn't know how to function without you.

“I’m going to miss you, too,” he whispered. He didn’t know what else to say, but as you began to sob even harder, he felt his heart break.

“Cove, please tell me this isn’t a bad idea. I want to leave, but at the same time, I’m going to miss everyone so much.” You said, reaching out to hold his hand as you spoke.

He felt his throat tighten as he realized what you were asking: “Should I leave?”

He was right, it was never too late to stay. You could just unpack all of your things again and stay there with him. Maybe you could take college, get a job, and do whatever you wanted to do in Sunset Bird. He wouldn’t have to hold onto the memories he had with you. Instead, he could be making new ones with you at every single moment.

But as he looked for your reaction, he paused. You needed his support at that moment, so despite his selfish thoughts, he mustered enough energy to say, “You know what you want to do, so follow your dreams. After all, we’ll always be here. I will always be here.”

At his words, he watched the way you seemed to relax, letting out a small sigh of relief. “Thank you. That means a lot to me.”

He wondered what would’ve happened if he had told you to stay, to remain with him. Instead, all he could do was wipe his tears as you finally left the car, grabbed your luggages, and headed to check-in. Both your parents and Cove’s dad were already waiting for you, and for once, they didn’t seem to tease how red and puffy both your eyes were. With a final hug, he watched as you entered security, turning back one last time to wave goodbye.

You had promised to keep in contact as much as possible, and you did. You called each other at every possible moment: when you landed at the airport, when you started your first day at school, when you were offered your first job, and everything in between. He was always there for you; it was the least he could do since you were always there for him.

Of course, he'd try his best to see you in person too, but it was more difficult than he thought to travel all the way across the country. Who knew one of the tallest people you knew would be afraid of flying? He didn't either, until he looked down from the window 10,000 feet in the air. He'd chant the words "this will be worth it" to himself over and over again, gripping the sides of his chair tightly. In the end, it really was worth it.

The knots in his stomach would disappear at the sight of you waiting for him, looking down at your phone to check if he had landed yet. He stood still, waiting until your eyes met. He could never forget the way your frown shifted into a smile at just the sight of him, the way you practically leaped to greet him, and the familiar feeling of you in his arms as you pulled him into a tight hug.

So when he heard you'd be coming back to California for Jude and Scott's wedding, his heart leapt out of his chest. This would be your first time visiting your hometown in a while, your new job restricting you from coming over too much. He was more than upset when he realized he was busy and wouldn't be able to see you until the actual ceremony, but he was even more upset when he heard a familiar name fall from your lips.

“Baxter Ward.”

“Huh?” Cove said, confused. You had been silent for a few minutes, despite you being the one to call him.

“It’s… Baxter. Can you believe it?” You let out a breathy sigh, as if in disbelief.

“Baxter who?” He forced out a laugh, acting clueless, but deep down, he knew exactly who you were talking about.

How could he forget your first kiss, your first date, and your first partner? Cove was supposed to be your first, but no, Baxter took that opportunity from him. He was only supposed to be a fling, so how come after five years, he had come back?

“Liz used to describe him as an “emo Victorian man.” He’s Jude and Scott’s wedding planner. What a coincidence, don’t you think?” The sound of your laughter rang through his ears, and he struggled to understand.

He felt his mouth dry, not knowing how to respond. Oh, how he regretted taking all his vacation days to visit you. Otherwise, he would be there in a heartbeat to see whether or not you were telling the truth. He knew you had no reason to lie, but the thought of his reappearance made him begin to worry.

“Hello? Cove, is everything alright?”

The sound of your voice is what snapped him out of it. Desperately trying to come up with an excuse, he began to panic. “Yeah, I’m fine! Sorry, I just dropped Cove Junior’s food.”

“Oh, sorry for distracting you.” You mumbled, and he couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Forcing out an awkward laugh, he said, “It’s okay, really, but what about Baxter? Tell me more.” He knew it would hurt to hear it, but what else could he do?

As you spoke, he recognized your tone of voice. Retelling the events of your day, he noticed how you dreamily sighed, and although it wasn’t a video call, he could imagine the way your cheeks turned red with just the sound of his name. His final straw was the day of the wedding. When he saw your face, he was so happy to see you that he almost didn’t remember Baxter. Almost.

During the entire ceremony, he would only catch a couple of glimpses of him, as if he were entirely avoiding the two of you. He could see how hurt you were, but you continued to smile so as to not ruin Jude and Scott’s happy day. That was when his resolve snapped, and he excused himself from the table. You looked at him in curiosity but went back to talking with Terry and Miranda after he lied saying he needed to go to the restroom.

Looking around, he searched the room for a person wearing a purple suit. That’s when he finally saw him in all his glory, standing in the corner of the room watching the others party with a sad look on his face. Although Cove couldn’t say he liked him, he felt pity on the man. When Baxter finally turned his head and saw him, he put on a polite smile.

“Cove. It’s a pleasure to see you again,” he said, almost as if he had rehearsed it.

“Yeah, you too.” Awkwardly putting his hands in his pockets, he slightly rocked back and forth.

“Have you enjoyed the ceremony so far?”

Cove simply nodded, and as he finally got the courage to confront him, he took a deep breath. “We don’t have to do this, Baxter. I’m sure you know why I’m here.”

He looked taken aback by his bluntness but quickly attempted to regain his composure. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Perhaps you’ve misunderstood.”

“You know they’re in love with you.”

He didn’t even act surprised, just looking away with a guilty look on his face.

Cove continued with his statement, fighting back tears as his hands formed into fists. “They’ve always loved you, even after your disappearance. I don’t know if anybody has told you, but after you left, they were heartbroken. I had never seen them so hurt before.”

“I apologize, but there’s nothing I could’ve done for them.”

Cove could feel his temper start to boil, his eyebrows scrunching in frustration. “You could’ve been there for them, responding to their texts or calls.”

“We were both doing our own things. I was finishing my education and became a wedding planner, they were off in college becoming successful. It was… for the better.”

“For the better? After you left, they were a mess. I’m sure they haven’t told you, but the reason they went to school in New York was because they missed you so much they couldn’t bear to handle walking through Sunset Bird and the memories of you.” Cove was out of breath, and he realized he had raised his voice. Thankfully, no one was paying attention, continuing to party. Trying to calm down, he fidgeted with his hands. “Anyone could tell they like you. The way they look at you is the same way I look at them.”

Baxter's smile disappeared for a moment but he quickly put it back on, as if it were a mask. “To be quite honest, I’m a little surprised you’re the one telling me this. Even when I first arrived in Sunset Bird, I noticed your affinity for them. Why help me?”

Cove was trying his hardest to hold back on the waterworks, looking out the window to avoid his gaze. “They only see me as their best friend, nothing more. I’m not sure if they’ve ever noticed, but I do know one thing-they deserve to be happy. You make them happy, happier than I’ve ever seen them. So please, if they approach you at the party, at least listen to them.”

Baxter didn’t respond, and Cove quickly turned around, leaving him to his thoughts. He had a lot of regrets, but losing you was his biggest one. What if he had insisted you didn’t date him in the first place? What if he had insisted you stay in Sunset Bird? What if he had been the one to ask you out first?

When he finally watched you approach Baxter, kiss him, and return with a cheery smile on your face, he knew his answer. No matter how much Cove loved you, he would always lose to Baxter Ward.

[hazelnootnut]

Thank you so much for the reception on the animatic I posted! Didn’t expect it to reach 300 views in like two days, that’s a little shocking but very much appreciated! 

As a treat, have some gifs I made from the video itself! I was going to put the still shots in but that would be a little too hard to pick from I think.

[id under the cut, since i’m not able to add alt text to posts using the old post editor; post consists of 10 gifs]

[gif 1 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove Holden from the game Our Life: Beginnings and Always. He flickers into different images, from abstract shapes, white poppies, a stick figure, and his Step 1 and Step 2 designs. The lyrics read "and so i wonder, hey, was it so". [end gif 1 id]

[gif 2 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove, sitting down on the ground. He stares, distraught, as a tear trails down his face. He flickers through a stick figure design, a rough sketch of himself, poppies blooming from his heart, and his Step 1 and 2 designs. Step 1 Cove looks up staring with tears in his eyes in the grass, while Step 2 looks at the camera with surprise. Step 2 is in a suit, referencing the Soiree moment. The lyrics read "no words left to be spoken. and as you left, i didn't stop to reach and grab your sleeve". [end gif 2 id]

[gif 3 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove, sleeping in his bed and in his pajamas. The gif flickers from a rough sketch, an overgrown field of poppies, binary text, and a Step 1 and 2 Cove. Step 1 Cove is sleeping in a sleeping bag, glasses put to the side as the MC's hand reaches for him. Step 2 Cove is sleeping in the bunk bed in the Roadtrip moment, but the MC's head is tucked against his chest. The lyrics read "it doesn't matter what day it is, or matter what i try to do. at the end i'm searching far, no matter what it is, for you." [end gif 3 id]

[gif 4 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove, in his pajamas, looking down at a bowl of strawberries, referencing the Patreon Moment. The bowl flickers into 20 dollar bills, X's and O's, and a scribble. On occasion, Cove flickers into the Step 1 version of himself. Step 1 Cove is sitting at a table with the MC, dolphin balloon tied to his hand and pretzel on the table. He smiles at the MC, whose face is hidden behind her own dolphin balloon. The lyrics read "when you left, the days turned to gray, every single place that i went to each day, it all stays the same". [end gif id 4]

[gif 5 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove, sitting down, with an astronaut helmet on his head. He flickers between a rought sketch of himself, a stick figure version, tiny hexagons, and his Step 1 and Step 2 versions. Step 1 Cove has a box imitating an astronaut helmet on his head, while Step 2 Cove has a fishbowl on his head instead. The lyrics read "with every day that passed, unknowingly, we were slowly going off beat. time ticking on, our love was gone, before i could even think". [end gif id 5]

[gif 6 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove, palm pressed to his face as he cries, a tear dripping down his hand and cheeks. It flickers into a rough sketch, abstract shapes, the sentence "i miss you" repeating over and over his silhouette, and Step 1 and Step 2 versions of himself. Step 1 Cove cries loudly, fist pressed his face, mouth open as he cries. Step 2 Cove hunches into himself, fist pressed to his eye with the other to his chest. The lyrics read "i'm wondering where the two of us will be, to places that we'd have to leave. to forget about it all and live our lives still standing tall?" [end gif id 6]

[gif 7 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove facing to the right of the screen, side profile in view. He cries, not knowing what to do. He flickers into abstract shapes, coloured lines of himself, a shark, and very briefly, into a Step 2 version of him, crying as well. The lyrics read "swear that you won't forget these memories". [end gif id 7]

[gif 8 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove and the MC back-to-back. He stares down sadly at a white poppy between his fingers. The gif transitions into him slowly turning to look at the MC with shock and sadness as she bows and walks out of frame, a tear falling down her cheek. The lyrics read "just passing by and walking on, your back to mind, we headed into the sun". [end gif id 8]

[gif 9 id start]: A gif of Step 3 Cove, clutching a white poppy in his hands. He blinks as tears fall down his cheek, and speaks something, before it very quickly changes into a Step 4 Cove. Step 4 is dressed in a wedding suit, holding a bouquet of white poppies in his hands. He cries, but he's happy. The lyrics read "then could it be that someday on the other side, we'd meet with our arms open wide?" [end gif id 9]

[gif 10 id start]: A gif of Cove, standing by the door of his house as he moves to close it. He has tears in his eyes, but he's smiling sadly but smiling all the same. He raises a hand in goodbye to the camera, presumably where the MC is. The lyrics read "cause it's you that i want to be here". [end gif id 10]

[themculibrary]

Can you rec some super long/multi chaptered Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. fics, preferably no E rated fics?

A Few Tricks Up My Sleeve (ao3) - notapepper leo/jemma T, 70k

Summary: Take two competing performers on the birthday party circuit in a small town. Add a pinch of false assumptions, a dash of miscommunication, and a smidge of sexual tension, and presto! One hot, fresh, snarky, fluffy Kids’ Entertainers AU, comin’ right up!

All the Bright and Precious Things (ao3) - orphan_account leo/jemma M, 123k

Summary: Leo Fitz and Jemma Simmons, Hollywood’s sweethearts. Known by the tabloids as FitzSimmons, they’ve done twenty one films and won six Oscars between them by 25 years old.

When Fitz starts hanging out with sitcom actress Skye Johnson, things begin to break apart, revealing the cracks left in Fitz and Jemma that they’d tried so desperately to leave behind them.

A story of love, loss, and jealousy in Tinsel Town.

A Spy Like Me (fanfiction.net) - Riley Holden M, 381k

Summary: After the Battle of New York, Grant Ward decides that he no longer wants Hydra to win its war with SHIELD and becomes a triple agent. Nick Fury gives him orders to work with Coulson’s team in order to get valuable intelligence on Hydra but Grant finds his triple status and working with a team quite difficult.

Conversation Hearts (ao3) - amandajoyce118 T, 97k

Summary: Snippets of conversations amongst members of Coulson’s team. An alphabet challenge.

Sometimes I Hate The Life I Made (ao3) - EmilieHardie pietro/skye T, 131k

Summary: Some families have black sheep. The Starks are all black sheep… even Skye.

Skye is a lot of things, but she has always thought that Tony Stark’s daughter is the least important of them all. She’s built herself an entire life away from her estranged Dad, and had fully intended to never see him again. Then boom: earthquake powers. Only a Stark, right?

But there’s a new Stark out there, a little brother that Skye never thought to have bent on the extinction of the human race. She may not like her Dad but that doesn’t mean that she is going to let his mistake destroy the world, even if it means going undercover as a supervillain called Quake.

Ultron won’t know what hit him.

I pulled these from our Agents Of Shield masterlist

- Tori

[rocicrew]

“Who hurt you?” With Holden and Amos pretty please 🥺👉👈

Angst/fluff Prompt List, accepting

Holden, still bleary-eyed and half asleep, made a beeline for the coffee machine. Had he had a cup first, he'd have probably noticed the large mechanic hunched over the table with a gel pack pressed on his cheekbone.

He still did. Just took a second longer. "Who hurt you?", he blurted out without thinking.

Then, he paused to study the extent of the injuries. Amos's knuckles were split. His right eye and the cheekbone below were red but they were starting to turn an ugly purple color, betraying the bruises that would form. Few on his arms, that if he had to guess continued underneath the short-sleeved pair of overalls he always wore across his torso.

He'd had quite the night, and Holden's hand twitched around his, so far, empty cup at the thought.

"What, you want a list or something?", Amos replied in his usual casual tone. "It's gonna be a long one, Cap."

"Amos-" Holden exhaled as if he'd said a bad joke, only it wasn't a joke in the slightest and that sat heavily in the captain's stomach.

"Don't worry, I didn't piss off Tycho security this time. You won't have any problems with Fred Johnson."

That was the least of Holden's worries. He knew the way to handle Fred. Amos was more of the issue right here. He could hear Naomi's voice in his ear explaining it to him gently, whenever he worried about Amos disappearing for a couple of days. 

Amos needs this sometimes. It's how he copes. He'll come back to us.

Yeah well, as much as he respected that each one of their little family had their own past and their own ways to deal with it, it was never easy to see one of them black and blue. (It didn't register to him that it was hard for them to see him lose track of sleep and meals at his worst.)

Jim sighed-for the third time as Amos counted-but didn't move from his spot.

"They were bullies, Cap. Someone needed to teach them a lesson," Amos explained as if that would appeal to his morality but the only response he got was a-forth-sigh. 

"Left them alive. 'Promise," Amos tried again, mistaking the cause of Holden's frustration. 

"I don't give a shit about them, Amos," Holden snapped and winced immediately at his tone. He didn't mean to get so agitated but it bothered him that Amos thought he cared more about a couple assholes on Tycho than seeing his family beat up. He forced himself to take a deep breath and pinched the bridge of his nose to shake away any clouded thoughts.

It was only after that he spoke again, using a gentler tone. "I care about you."

Amos suddenly became more interested in the ice pack he'd removed from his cheek sometime during their talk and had placed it on the table. 

Right. 

It was easier to explain how he beat the shit out of someone than hear someone cared about him. 

Holden knew that, of course. Which was why he usually refrained from saying so, despite often feeling it. But it still slipped out at times. 

"It'll take a lot more than a couple punches to take me down, Cap." 

He snapped his gaze back up at the sound of Amos' voice.

"I know," Holden said and wished he didn't. His heart squeezed whenever he thought about it too much. And that conviction didn't make any of this any easier. 

Neither of them spoke for a while. That wasn't unusual for Amos, but it was for him. Every thought that came into his mind, every worry or explanation why this bothered him this much were things he couldn't and didn't want to say to Amos. 

I wish you'd come to us instead. I wish I knew how to help you. I wish I could have protected you instead. 

They were trained habits. To take on any problems his loved ones had and put them on himself. Try to fix them himself and be of use. 

He tried to do the same for Naomi, every time she shared a little bit of her past. 

But it wasn't fair to them, either of them. They didn't need fixing, or saving because that's all he knew how to do. Or at least, was raised to be supposed to be able to. (Jimmy, the fence needs mending again. Did you see the mistake in that court case? Jimmy, the farm-) To be the solution he'd always fail to be.

He was getting better, at least, at keeping those impulses to himself. 

As he stood awkwardly by the coffee maker, he did think of one thing to do. "Want some coffee?"

"Sure."

He couldn't stop everything bad that had or would happen to them. 

But he could be there for them after. 

And as time would prove, that actually helped more. Because after they'd shared a cup of coffee, Amos would let him take him to the med-bay to check his injuries, despite his dislike of room to lessen his own worries. And the next time it happened, he'd find a warm coffee on the galley table for him before their joined trip to the med-bay.

It always felt good to be understood, but it felt better to be trusted this way, and to take care of his best friend and their little family.

[baby-bell-blues]

After the parade

I sat in the dinning room along we were on the 10th floor of the tributes center we all get are own floor which I’m a little relieved to have are own floor since I don’t know of any the tributes except well that girl form I can’t stop thinking about her she’s just so…so…so beautiful it feels likes crush but I probably shouldn’t fall in love with a girl who I don’t know and would crush my skull and heart just to win she’s for those types of district. Visha was talking about how good of a job we did and she’s proud of us for how well we did crysta ordered some lemon bars because she thought that we’d like them and they tasted pretty good but Callum thought they were a bit sour for his liking. “Well you know on the very very top of the building is garden” Holden mentioned I have idea why but he did Visha smiled a bit “I remember that garden they got pretty flowers up their” are conversation continued on till crysta said we’d better head off to bed after are showers. The room was even more luxurious than the trains room this might be considered spoiling. As I took a shower I started wondering what arena they throw us into I hoed they don’t do anything to horrible the worst thing I could think of was a desert or something I tried not to think about it as I put on a pare of pajamas because if I thought about it to much I’d have nightmares…

Training center

I listened to Holden and Visha told us about strategies and how we needed to steer clear of anything that would make us a target to the stronger tributes Callum seemed on the brink of a panic attack that’s when started worrying about him I was already worried for him at the start but I’m even more worried now… it’d be a miracle if he made it past the bloodbath most of the younger tributes die earlier in the games I needed to think of some type of plan to keep him and myself safe. As I ate my breakfast thinking to are mentors talk and my own plans we needed to changed into the training outfits.. we had black leggings and black shirt as well with a red stripe on the sleeves that said 10 on them. After we took the elevator down and we walked to the training center all the tributes were there even her I stood a bit near her trying to not make it obvious, I wanted to be next to her and I listened to rules presented to us. When they let us loose to train I took Callum to the tent set up station it took longer than I wanted to admit but we were able to do it ten I wanted Callum to do the cure sation but he wanted to work on the ropes crouse for a bit and he went over their as I stepped into the campfire station I was met with a little boys face he had a brown hair,he looked…well fed he family must have been on the richer side,he had grayish eyes he looked at me and seemed angry “what are you looking at!?” I was a bit startled and replied “oh my apologies..!” I tried to think and of what to say but he scoffed and went back to trying to start a fire he seemed nice I thought I wondered how a little bro could be so rude and I started my fire and as I smiled at my accomplishment he walked over and stomped on it. ”hey! What is wrong with you!?” I said getting up and he stuck out his tongue and ran away and pushed past the other girl with a 9 on her sleeve she sighed and walked over to me “I’m sorry about him he’s just snippety” she had red hair,doe eyes,brown eyes,and was a little shorter than me and then she spoke Gaian “I really hope he doesn’t interfere with any alliance we could have…I-i mean if you wanted to be an alliance of mine…?” She seemed sweet enough I guess she would a good ally “sure I’d love too” I gently shook her hand “o-oh I’m fawn by the way!” She said looking at my hand she shook it “I’m Scarlet” I said gently smiling… We seemed to click fast we went to almost every station together then I bumped into her “oh shoot you okay?” words were taken form me when I saw her.. I looked into her eyes they were brown..then I quickly spoke “y-yeah I’m okay..!” The other three tribute to assuming she’s a allianced with shoot em a dirty glare and she walked back to them. I blushed a bit walking over to the edible berries and bugs station I mean bugs weren’t really ideal to eat in the games but I guess to survive. Callum joined us “are we gonna have to eat bugs…?” He questioned a bit grossed out “maybe..” fawn shrugged “who are you?” Callum looked at her “oh right I’m fawn” she said looked back the information on the table Callum looked around a bit before speaking “I’m Callum I’m form district 10!” He said smiling and she smiled back as we looked back at the information on the table..but once I looked up the she was starring at me…I think her names Penelope and she was looking at me! I blushed a bit and watched as smirked a bit and I looked back down at the information book.

Dinner

This time we had lobster,crabs and caviar I mean it did taste pretty good but still I thought the caviar was a bit strange..We had some type sparkly red soda is what crysta described to dance it tased like cherries. Holden spoke up lol,ing at me and Callum “did you make any alliances..?” I spoke playing with my food with my fork “yeah her names fawn she’s form district 9 I kinda made and enemy to the male tribute from nine I guess I looked at him funny and she kicked my campfire down” Holden gaze darkened “well when I looked at the tribute log he doesn’t look like much of a threat if he tries anything in the games I would recommend tackling him or go for a kick near the lower abdomen” Visha laughed a bit “Holden yiu must like this bunch if this pissed about an mean 13 year old!” Holden rolled his eyes “it’s my job to prepare them Im just preparing them” Holden say crossing his arms. Crysta held her glass up “how about we make a toast since they got their first alliance?” Holden chugged,Visha said something along the lines of sure,Callum nodded,and I held up my glass after saying sure. We all held up are gallows and crysta spoke “to a new alliance form are tributes!” We all clinked our glasses and took a sip before crysta took us to head off to bed. after I went to my room when I started my shower I couldn’t help but wonder why Penelope was staring at was she judging me? I really hope not because if we had the time I was try and…well I don’t know I feel like my heart beats fast when I see her and my stomach twists…it’s a funny feeling it feels like I..like like her. I tried to think of anything else but her I damn she probably thinks I’m some dirt or something

(Authors note! Hi y’all! Anyways still trying to improve and come up with some type of banner thing but I’ll advance soon lol!)



[veritasislehq]

Welcome to the Isle, Veritas Isle that is. Your journey has only just begun. We are delighted to announce that the following have been accepted! Please click anywhere on this sentence to be redirected to the checklist. Please message the main if you have yet to receive a link to the discord server or if you have any additional questions. We're here to answer any and all concerns.

( joe keery. he/him. cis-man. ) The courts of veritas welcome HOLDEN CULPEPER! it’s been said that the 24 year old GHOST is known to be SOFTHEARTED and OBSERVANT but he’s also NAIVE and COWARDLY. When CULPEPER isn’t SINGING at bars with his band, he can be found ROAMING THE FOREST WHERE HE DIED. If you visit his home in RAVENWYCK, it may remind you of CLEAN SHEETS, A BED LEFT UNSLEPT, DECAYED FLOWERS, STACKS OF MAIL UNTOUCHED, SHEETS OF MUSIC ON THE FLOOR, ON THE COUNTERS AND STUFFED BETWEEN NOTEBOOKS. He may be your best friend or your greatest enemy. ( juliette. she/her. 25. pst. )

( jonah hauer king. any. demi man. ) the courts of veritas welcome COBALT COLDWELL! it’s been said that the 27 year old GHOST is known to be AFFECTIONATE and PETTY. when COBY isn’t working as a FORMERLY AN ANIMAL CARETAKER, they can be found participating in PLOTTING TO HAUNT HIS FATHER. if you visit their home in ANYWHERE, it may remind you of the earthy smell after it rains, lives in sweaters, idyllic dreams crushed like rose petals, carrying a heart on their sleeve, laughter like soda pop & pulling a the ties that bind. they may be your best friend or your greatest enemy. ( kass. )

( quintessa swindell. he/they. genderfluid. ) the courts of veritas welcome CALLAN KLINE! it’s been said that the 25 year old GIFTED HUMAN is known to be AMIABLE and SUSCEPTIBLE. when CAL/CALLIE isn’t working as a PLAYGROUND ARCHITECT, they can be found participating in GYMNASTICS. if you visit their home in JUSTPORT, it may remind you of scraped knees, the distant sound of children laughing, knowing it is better to love than hate, the first summer of your youth & sliding across the floor in socks. they may be your best friend or your greatest enemy. ( kass. )

( may calamawy. any. demi woman. ) the courts of veritas welcome SAMIYA NASSAR! it’s been said that the 35 year old EARTH WIXEN is known to be SANGUINE and RETICENT. when SAMMY isn’t working as a OWNER OF QUILL & CUPPA, they can be found participating in FORAGING. if you visit their home in RAVENWYCK, it may remind you of loose leaf tea in an earthenware mug, trailing green vines hanging through an open window, a messy kitchen, tea blends swirling in jars & the most beautiful flower hidden in midst of a dark forest. they may be your best friend or your greatest enemy. ( kass. )

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Amos’ unexpected optimism brought to you by his association with Captain James Holden. *gulp*

The Expanse 4.06

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Amos *can’t stop the glances at Cap* Burton

[reidubujpg]

snow flower [cove x reader]

sypnosis: with newly realized feelings, christmas with the holdens comes around as different this time around.

notes: gender neutral mc, unedited (did not proofread), step 3 cove

                                                         --

                                                         --

It wasn’t unusual for the Holdens to come over to your home to celebrate Christmas with your moms and sister. In fact, it has become a tradition to celebrate with them. Like how the sun always aligned with the silver lining of the ocean during sunset near your cherished home, it was natural for you to spend time in your Christmas pajamas with Cove as you ate cookies and drank milk while you binge watched Christmas movies. It was Christmas eve, and your family decided to host a Christmas dinner at your home. Per usual, Pamela and Noelani were in the kitchen cooking a nice meal for when the Holdens came over. This year, Kyra had come down to Sunset Bird to spend Christmas with the Holdens. Seemingly, Cove didn’t testify on this action considering he would get more time to be with you.

“Can you pass the salt from the cabinet over there sweetie?” Pam asked, turning her head to you as you nodded and scurried over to the kitchen cabinet. Reaching for the taller shelf, you stretched your arm as far as you could to grab the salt and give it to your parents.

“Thank you sweetie.” Noelani smiled at you before nodding at Pamela and continuing their cooking.

You hummed to yourself before falling onto the couch sitting in the living room of your home. You lied on your stomach, your legs behind you as you kicked them up and down. You tried to wait as patient as you could for Cove and his family to show up at your door. 

As you lied on your couch, your thoughts began to wander -- specifically to thoughts of your fellow neighbor. You could feel your face flush in heavy red as you thought about him, your hands mindlessly covering your cheeks as you cleared your throat awkwardly. Your best friend that you grew up with ever since you were young. 

Your crush on him was apparent. 

You never wore your heart on your sleeve, but with Cove, it was as if he knew how to hold your heart for you. The feeling was magical and it was as if you could do anything as long as he was by your side as he cheered you on for whatever was to come. 

This was the first Christmas where your feelings were distinct and separated from the idea of “friends.” Were you going to tell Cove that? Definitely not! Maybe not…! 

Just as you were going to have a continuous and never ending battle with yourself mentally, you heard the familiar doorbell ring. Your eyes widened and just as you were about to make your way to the door to open it, your older sister Lizzie had beat you to it. Your sister had her hand on the doorknob, but before she was about to twist it to open the door, she quickly turned her head to you as she stuck her tongue out at you teasingly. “Guess who’s here to see you~” She said teasingly.

Your eyes widened before you quickly rolled your eyes. Your face was clearly heating up as you quickly turned your head to avert your gaze away from the now visible Holdens standing at your front door. Lizzie had been teasing you since you were thirteen about Cove, but having realized your true feelings now, it made it even more unbearable to feel the embarrassment of her teasing being true.

“Hey Last family, Merry Christmas!” You heard Cliff say. You turned around as soon as your face had calmed down from the tomato phase before waving at them. 

“Hi [Name], it’s so nice to see you again.” Kyra exclaimed excitedly as she opened her arms out for a hug. You quickly responded, moving forward to hug her as you smiled.

“It’s nice to see you again, Mom Three.” You grinned, retracting your arms back to your sides after the hug had finished.

“Hey kiddo~” Cliff had said, obviously directing it toward you as you chuckled and waved at him, “Hi Mr. Holden.” You warmly smiled at him.

“I made some pie and Kyra made cookies for today’s Christmas dinner.” Cliff had announced to your mothers. This made your parents clap out of happiness. 

“Holden desserts are always great to have.” Noelani smiled as she welcomed them into the kitchen.

In the living room, this had left you, Lizzie, and Cove to hang around. Lizzie had sat on the other couch as you and Cove stood in front of each other, having not said hello to one another yet.

“Hey..!” Cove said in a soft voice as he awkwardly waved at you. In his other hand was a wrapped present which had made you curious on what was in it and who it was for. 

“Hi neighbor.” You responded before giggling quietly, “I swear it’s been a decade since I last saw you.” You had also jokingly said, this made Cove chuckle in response.

“Yeah, it has been quite a while~” He continued the joke. The idea was funny to you, considering the fact that you had seen him about two hours before the Christmas dinner at your home. 

The both of you stood there, chuckling to yourselves. Cove had his one hand rubbing the back of his neck while you rubbed your arm. You didn’t know why you felt so giddy, this was almost to the point where you could feel your heart explode. How the hell did Cove get you like this?

“S-so..” You stuttered out, obviously nervous as you looked up at him with flushed cheeks.

“So..” He followed up, looking at you with the same flushed face.

“You know, you guys can sit on the couch and converse.” Your sister’s familiar teasing voice had let out, making you quickly turn your head to her.

“Oh yeah-- you’re right..!” You said before making your way toward the couch as Cove followed.

Lizzie raised an eyebrow at the both of you as she snickered quietly to herself. Now the both of you were sitting on the couch together, though the atmosphere was still the same as when you were standing. This time, you had a miniature space in between the both of you as you both were silent and in your own thoughts.

“I can’t watch this,” was all Lizzie had said before she got up from the couch across from the both of you and made her way toward the adults in the kitchen.

Your eyebrow raised as you watched your sister make her way from the couch to the kitchen, leaving the both of you alone. 

Suddenly, you heard Cove snicker to himself and this made you turn your head toward him with curiosity. “What’s so funny?” You smirked as you scratched the top of your head.

“Just thought about how Lizzie is just the same as she always is, even when she’s in college.” He spoke up, his thought making you laugh.

“You’re so right, she probably will never change with her teasing.” You said as he nodded so quickly in agreement. 

“She will never give us a break.” He chuckled as you chuckled back, “Definitely.”

“[Name]” You heard Lizzie say as you turned your head toward her figure in the kitchen, “Ma said you guys can go out by the beach or backyard a bit if you want. It’ll take a little bit more to set up for dinner.” She explained to the both of you, this made your eyes lighten up a bit.

You looked at Cove who also had the same brightened eyes as you did about the idea of going for a walk around Sunset Bird before the Christmas dinner. You nodded, implying that you understood he wanted to also go out for a bit too before getting up from the couch.

“Before we leave, you can put your present under our Christmas tree over there.” You gestured toward your lit up tree. The bright green tree sat in the corner of the living room, covered with colorful ornaments and tiny framed pictures of Liz, your moms, and you plastered over it. The tree alone had memories attached to it metaphorically that you could go on and on about. Cove nodded, “You’re right.”

The pale green haired teen made his way toward the tree as he knelt down to place the present next to the abundant amount of presents placed by your family and even his. After he finished, he stood up and walked towards your figure.

“Alright, lets go.” He smiled at you as you grinned back. The both of you walked side by side toward the front door. Cove let you go out first before himself as he shut the door behind him. Sunset Bird this time around was colder, considering that it was December. Though California can still be hot even in times like this, Sunset Bird had pretty strong winds during this time -- which made it a bit colder during night.

Just as the both of you were about to make your way toward the beach, you were stopped by Cove himself.

“Sorry [Name], Is it okay if we stop by my house for a second? I need to pick something up.” He asked you sweetly with a nervous smile. Of course from the smile to the way he asked, you immediately nodded without restriction mentally.

The both of you made your way to his home as he took out his house keys from his pocket and unlocked the door. As he unlocked the door, you took a second to look around the homes that filled Sunset Bird. Including your home, you loved how festive it always got during the season. Lights were put up from the roof down, and it always made you feel so happy. 

Cove swung the door open as he made his way inside, “You can come with me if you want, but I’ll be really quick.” He explained as you nodded and waited by the front door frame. You watched him turn the corner of his home past the kitchen to enter through the hallway to get to what you assumed was his room. Not thinking too much, you hummed to yourself and waited patiently for your sweet neighbor. After a minute had passed, you heard a distant door in his home open and footsteps become louder as they moved toward your figure. You stopped humming and glanced your way toward Cove. He smiled and waved at you, “Told you I’d be back.”

You chuckled. “I know you’d always come back~” Your eyes moved down towards his hands which held a small rectangular box. You raised your eyebrow in confusion as you looked back up at his aquamarine eyes.

“What’s that for?” You asked curiously, your question only making him grin.

“It’s for you.” He said nonchalantly before tilting his head and smiling even more at you, “Merry Christmas, [Name]. I wanted to give you your present in private, only because Lizzie wasn’t going to let me live after she sees what I got you.”

You felt your heart race in both anticipation and warmth. Cove had gotten you a present..? And he wanted to give it to you one on one.. Alone? Your heart couldn’t take this softness, it was almost painful.

“Cove..” You whispered out as you looked down at the unopened box, “Thank you so much..” 

You held the box close to your chest as you smiled at him. You looked back down at the present before finally carefully opening up the box. Inside was a silver necklace and attached to it as the centerpiece was a small lily flower. Your jaw fell open at how beautiful the design was, “Cove..! This is so beautiful.. You didn’t have to get me something as beautiful as this..” You said, your eyebrows furrowed as you looked at him.

He smiled at you and shook his head, “I thought it would look really nice on you [Name]. I hope you like it.” 

You nodded quickly, “I do.. I love it.” You said softly before humming quietly to yourself. Your face fell into a saddened one as you began to think. Your feelings for Cove felt so strong, almost like they could rip right out of your chest if they wanted to. After all these years, the kid that lived across the street from you.. The one that you sat with every summer eating watermelon with and dancing in short rain with.. He was the one that you had fallen for.

And like you had asked yourself before, what the hell were you going to do about it?

“We should probably head back inside.” He said, his head turned to your home. You purse your lips as your eyes stare down at his free hand. You could hear Cove humming to himself in silence, his attention pondering over to your home still. 

Without thought, your hand reached over to hold onto his. This made Cove freeze for a second before finally turning his head toward you. He stood there quietly, taking in the atmosphere and you. You gazed into his eyes as he stared back at yours, it was as if the both of you could read one another’s souls. 

“I have been needing to tell you something.. for a very long time now.”

It’s time.. Go for it [Name]!

Cove didn’t say anything, but you knew his ears were open and only open for you right now because of the way he nodded with intent.

“I..” You said as you stared at the ground. You could feel your heart beat quickly and your face flush up, “I… like you Cove. I really like you.”

You placed your hand on your chest, “Every time I think about you, my heart always feel like it’s going to pop out of my chest and.. I- I don’t know what to do about it..”

You finally brought up the courage to look up at Cove, but his reaction was unexpected. His eyes were glossy, tears aching to fall out as he looked at you with a deep blush and a soft smile. 

“C-Cove..? Are you okay?” You asked him in a concern tone, eyebrows furrowing as you placed your hand on his cheek.

He smiled and nodded, letting go of your hand as he placed it over your hand that sat gently on his cheek. “I’m always okay when I’m with you [Name]..”

Cove felt the tears that were threatening to fall out finally release. “With no doubt.. I really like you too [Name]. That’s not something I ever had to think about since I was eight and we were walking on the market streets with our balloons. I’ve always liked you.”

There it was.. The pounding in your chest that ached to jump out. This time, the feeling was different. The feeling felt… happy and freeing at the same time. It was something that you had never experienced before. What was this?

“Cove..” You said softly, your eyes half lidded as you smiled softly at him. You could also feel yourself cry with him. Both you and Cove’s hands moved immediately to wipe one another’s tear filled cheeks. 

The both of you chuckled lovingly with one another, soaking in the moment between the two of you. “This was the right timing I guess you can say..” He said as you raised an eyebrow.

“Why do you say that?” You raised an eyebrow as you watched him point towards the top of the doorframe.

You moved your attention to where he was pointing at, your cheeks immediately flushing and your head heating up when you saw what he was talking about.

It was a mistletoe.

You watched as Cove chuckled quietly, “I’m only kidding [Name], I’m not honestly sure why dad put that up.”

You nodded as you pursed your lips, looking away from him in embarrassment. “I-I mean.. If you want to… I-I think it would b-be.. O-okay..” You stuttered out as the last few words came out very quiet.

Although your words were quiet, Cove had heard every single word. You watched as your neighbors cheeks flushed a bright red so much to the point that it reached his earlobes. 

“I-” Cove said shyly, “I mean.. I-if you want to as well.. You know..”

You nodded in agreement before looking back up to him nervously as he did the same. The both of you reddened, Cove had cocked his head forward gently as you leaned in as well.

You had wished your first kiss could last an eternity, truly. 

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Season 1 vs Season 6 Holden is consistent 😉

#works every time

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

‼️The Amos grab, yank, stare & approval smack.

That Amos smile 😊

That Holden smile 🤩

[starrybethany]

I’m Sure - Adam Boqvist Imagine Part 5

Word count: 4.0K

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Adam: You followed me

I stare at the three words, blinking with tired eyes. All I want to do is sleep, especially after the day I’ve had with Holden, but the baby decided kicking me was more important. So here I am at four o’clock in the morning checking my social media when I should be getting another three hours of sleep.

I rub my eyes, unsure of how to even respond to the message.

It’s just a statement. I feel flabbergasted by it- really, we haven’t talked in years- well, technically months, but the last time we saw each other we just fucked, and our child went to see him without my knowledge or consent. How the fuck am I supposed to respond to those three words?

Y/N: I think we need to talk.

I sigh, setting my phone down. Might as well get straight to the point. The sooner I tell him about the second baby and ask why he would see Holden without at least running it past me the better. I roll over, pulling the blanket tighter around me. Hopefully I can sleep at least a little bit longer. I’m going to need it to deal with the moody adolescent I’ll be seeing in the morning.

~

“I made some toast and bacon. Just let me just finish cutting up these strawberries and then breakfast will be ready,” I inform Holden as he hops down the stairs.

He picks up the filled plate waiting for him on the table, throwing the food into the trashcan and setting the plate on the counter, giving me an expectant look.

I stare blankly back at him. I know he’s waiting for a reaction. He wants me to blow up so then he feels okay yelling at me instead of starting the confrontation himself. Instead, I just say, “That’s wasteful.”

He rolls his eyes, grabbing his backpack from its usual spot by the door and making his way outside, letting it slam shut behind him. I release the breath that I’ve been holding in, popping a strawberry into my mouth.

I open my Instagram app to catch up on the posts that I’ve missed, freezing when I see that I’ve received a DM. I forgot that I sent a message to Adam last night. Well, technically this morning. After I sent the message, I passed out hard, and I thought the whole thing was a fever dream.

Adam: What about?

Adam: Here’s my number

My fingers tap the screen quietly as I add his phone number into my contacts, saving it and staring at it blankly.

Well. No time like the present.

Before I can even realize what I’m doing, before I can even think things through and decide what to say or whether this is a good idea or not, or hell, even what time it is in Chicago right now, I click on the phone icon.

I curse to myself, raising the phone to my ear. Absentmindedly, my hand raises to my mouth so I can chew on my fingernail. Nail-biting is a nervous habit that I gave up years ago, but I guess old habits die hard.

“Hello?” His groggy voice comes through the phone.

I can’t breathe.

The oxygen gets stuck in my lungs. All I can think about are his hands on my body, sliding down to grip my hips. The twinkle in his eyes as I would pull my shirt over my head.

And not to mention the last time I saw him. His hair is longer than he used to keep it, but it suits him. It looks good on him. And he bulked up since the last time I saw him, too- his abs definitely looked and felt like it, anyways.

“Hello?” He repeats, sounding more awake and borderline annoyed now.

“Adam,” I respond softly, suddenly feeling shy. Come on, where did my confidence go? I’ll need it to get through this conversation.

“Y/N,” he says, all sounds of annoyance out of his voice. “You actually called, I didn’t think that you would-“”Sorry for waking you up,” I blurt out, glancing at the clock and seeing that it’s seven in the morning here. Chicago is an hour behind Philadelphia- it’s what kept me from calling the boys on the team late at night for several years.

“Oh, no, no, don’t you ever worry about that,” he reassures me. It’s quiet. I know he’s waiting for me to speak, to let him know what I want to talk to him about, but I just can’t get the words out. I feel them stuck in my throat, clawing to escape. “So, how’s Holden?”

And there it is.

That question is what spurs me to speak, to dig into the man who hid a huge secret like that from me. But I guess I’m doing the same thing to him now.

“I don’t know, how is he, Adam?” I spit out.

He sighs. He sighs. I want to punch his perfect fucking face.

“If I had realized that you had such a problem with it-“”Such a problem with it?” I repeat, not believing my own ears. Suddenly I’m reminded of why I decided not to tell Adam about this baby and why he wasn’t ready to be in Holden’s life for thirteen years. Hell, it sounds like he’s still not ready.

“My son lied to me about his intentions of going to Chicago, traveled halfway across the country by himself, and saw someone who he’s never met before. Yes, I have a fucking problem with it,” I growl.

“Our son.”

“What?”

“He’s our son. You said my son.”

All I want to do right now is to reach through this tiny screen and hit him upside the head. Really, after I lay out all of my concerns, this is all he has to say to me?

“Whatever. When are you coming to Philadelphia next?” I question. I don’t want to air all of grievances and talk about the new baby over the phone. I’ve had enough communication classes to know that you need to see someone’s nonverbal behaviors instead just hearing what they have to say.

“Why? You want to see me?” Suggestion laces his tone.

No, asshole, you already got me pregnant again.

“Yes. We need to talk about Holden… and some other things,” my voice trails off at the end, not sure how to warn him about such big news.

“Some other things, eh? Well, I’ll be looking forward to that,” he responds, clearly thinking that it’s something regarding us and our relationship, well, our dislike or lust for one another or something, instead of picking up what I’m trying to hint at.

“Cool. So, can you take a trip to Philly sometime soon or are you going to wait until hockey season?” I inquire.

“I can take a trip there, just for you. And Holden, of course.”

I can’t help but let a small smile slip onto my face. That sentence shows me that he’d be a good dad if he just put in the effort. It infuriates me that he’s kept that from Holden for years just because he hasn’t felt like working towards a relationship with his son.

“Good. Let me know when you’re in town so we can meet up.”

“What? You’re not going to invite me to stay with you?”

“Goodbye, Adam.” I hang up before he can respond. All I can imagine the rest of the day is his reaction after that phone call. He would have that small, knowing smile on his face, pulling his phone out of his pocket every five minutes to check and see if he got a new text from me or to send the fifth one in a row to me- one that I still would not respond to.

And my heart skips a beat at the thought of that.

~

It’s been a week since the phone call and since Adam sent me a screenshot of his booked ticket to Philadelphia two weeks from then. For some reason, maybe it’s the stupid, hopeless romantic part in me, I had hoped that he would book his plane ticket and hotel room for that night or even the next day. But he told me he had some ‘lose ends’ to tie up in Chicago before leaving.

And it’s also been a week since Holden has said a word to me. I’ve tried talking to him. I’ve asked him about his day, his friends, cooked him his favorite meals all week, I even offered to take him to Target to get a new video game.

None of that has worked. And it hurts. It hurts knowing that after everything I’ve done for him and everything I’ve sacrificed for him, and how Adam has done none of that, he looks at Adam like a God and me like the scum on the bottom of his shoe.

I know it’s what I’m supposed to do as a mother, care for my son and make sure he’s happy, but it’s just- it’s just- ugh.

I start to feel my blood boil as my mom’s voice echoes in the back of my head. Life’s not fair.

It’s then that I realize that I’ve given him enough space and time to figure out his feelings and how he wants to proceed. I don’t want to give him too much space that he begins to resent me and feel like I don’t care about him.

I know that feeling all too well.

I knock on his bedroom door softly, waiting for him to open it before I just walk in. It creeks open slightly, and just as I expected, eyes matching my mom’s peek out to glare at me.

“Can I talk to you, Holden?”

He doesn’t respond, just stares at me.

“Please, you don’t even have to talk, just listen,” I beg.

Fortunately, he opens the door the rest of the way, watching as I walk into his room and sit gently on the edge of the bed. He sits down on his worn computer chair, laptop open to some video game I don’t recognize on his desk.

“I want to start by apologizing for yelling at you last week,” I begin, taking a deep breath. Apologizing isn’t something that comes easy to me- I grew up in a family where the words ‘I’m sorry’ were unheard of. My parents were always right, and I was always wrong.

“I realize it probably wasn’t easy for you to go to Chicago by yourself to meet your dad. Holden, I just want you to realize that I would do anything to protect you, and I love you with my whole heart so realizing that you were in such an emotionally taxing situation without talking to me about it first-“I pause to sniffle, starting to feel tears well up in my eyes. “I felt helpless. And I couldn’t stop wondering why you didn’t feel like you could share that with me and then I realized that it’s because I don’t share stuff with you either.”

He watches as I lift my sleeve, wiping the tears from under my eyes. His face is still blank, but his eyes look like they’ve softened. He’s understanding my words so far.

“So, yes, this baby is also Adam’s baby. And he did ask about you when I saw him back in February, but I let my pride get the best of me and I told him that he didn’t deserve to see you. I’m sorry for robbing you of meeting your father earlier,” I genuinely apologize, maintaining eye contact with my son.

He shifts in his seat, his hard exterior softening with every word. “Well, I’m sorry for calling you a shitty mother. And saying all of that other stuff. And, if it makes you feel better, I did go to the computer programming camp. I just saw Adam when we had a night off.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

He nods.

“What did he tell you? About not being involved in your life?” I ask carefully, curious as to what Adam told Holden to turn him against me like that.

“He just told me that he was working through some stuff,” he shrugs, acting like he doesn’t care but I know my son well enough to tell that he does. “And he wasn’t ready until recently to meet me.”

I bite my tongue to keep it from releasing an insult towards Adam. “And how does that make you feel?”

“Honestly?” I nod, probing him to go on. “Pretty awful. I don’t think I want a relationship with him, mom.”

A mix of emotions run through my body at his word. I feel anxious, because now I have to tell him that Adam’s coming next week and will want to see him, sadness, because my son now recognizes how his father did not want be involved in his life, and anger toward Adam for making him feel like this in the first place.

“Well,” I cough awkwardly. “He’s coming to Philadelphia next week. I’m going to meet him to tell him about the baby. If you don’t want to see him, you don’t have to. It’s all up to you, bud.”

I stand up slowly, rubbing my belly as the baby begins to kick. He always seems to do that whenever I move even just a little bit- he’s an active little guy.

“Oh,” I turn back around just as I’m about to close the door. “How did you even find out who your father is?”

“Please mom, I’m not stupid,” he grins slyly at me, sliding his headphones onto his neck. “You lived in Chicago when you got pregnant with me and worked for the Blackhawks. I figured, since you said you worked a lot, the only guys you really had a chance to be with were on the team. And when I asked you about my dad for that project for school you said he was Swedish, so I just went to the Blackhawks roster in 2020 and found the Swedish players, messaging them some really uncomfortable and intrusive messages on Instagram.”

I chuckle at that, shaking my head. It will never not blow my mind how clever and smart he is. As I close the door to his bedroom, I hear him say, “On the plus side, Alex Nylander is a really nice guy.”

~

The day is finally here. Being eighteen weeks pregnant makes it really hard to hide my baby bump, but I somehow manage to find a baggy sweatshirt that I’ve stolen from one of my ex-boyfriends to cover it up. I don’t want to walk into the restaurant we’re meeting at and have him immediately know.

Somehow my jeans still fit on my legs, but I have a feeling by the end of this lunch they’ll be unbuttoned. It’s just the way it goes sometimes.

I get to the restaurant before Adam, just like how I planned it. I wanted time to scope out my exits in case I need to bail halfway through this meal- knowing Adam, it’s a possibility. I haven’t thought through what I was going to say too much.

I know I need to talk to him about why he would keep Holden going to Chicago to see him a secret from me, and we need to talk about the baby.

But mostly I just want to hear him grovel. The secret, sadistic part of me wants to hear him beg for forgiveness for making me raise my child by myself for the past thirteen years. I want to hear him admit that he fucked up- I’ve never heard Adam Boqvist admit that he fucked up before.

He shows up two minutes late.

I know because my phone is sitting face up on the table and I click on it every five seconds to see what time it is. I tell myself that if it gets ten minutes past noon and he’s still not here, I’m going home and giving up on dealing with Adam ever again.

But then he’s standing in front of me, familiar toothy grin on his face, black beanie on his shaggy hair, and a bouquet of red roses in his hand.

“You’re late,” I state sternly, not letting any sign of emotion onto my face. I need to let him know I mean business. I need to let him know that I’m never getting into bed with him ever again.

“Yeah, sorry, there was a line at the grocery store,” his grin begins to slip, but as he holds the bouquet out towards me, it takes over his face once again. “I got you these.”

“Thanks.”

I don’t make any movement towards them. His smile falls once again and I begin to feel guilty- he did buy these flowers for me, but he also impregnated me and left me twice.

He slides into the chair across the table from me, setting the flowers on the table and coughing awkwardly. “So, have you ordered yet?”

“Just water,” I respond shortly.

“Do you want to split a bottle of wine?”

“I’m not really a day drinker,” I eye him over the top of my menu, then go back to skimming through the items. It’s a charade, though. I already know what I want.

“Are you two ready to order?” The peppy waitress appears at our side, notepad open in her hand.

“I’ll have the chicken alfredo,” I announce, folding my menu.

“I’ll take that too. And a bottle of your sweetest wine, please,” the blonde orders, passing his menu to the waitress. When she leaves, he turns back to me. “I know you like the sweet stuff.”

I take a deep breath, deciding to cut to the chase. I’d rather get through this meal as soon as possible. The sooner we get done talking about this stuff, the sooner I can get out of here.

“Adam, I’m pregnant.”

He chokes on the sip of water he’s just taken from his glass, water dripping down his chin and landing on the table in front of him. I can’t help but watch with a content smile as he coughs, trying to catch his breath.

“Excuse me?” He utters through coughs, wiping his chin with a napkin.

“I’m pregnant,” I repeat. “I’m due in November.”

“Well, uh, congratulations,” he says unsurely.

I roll my eyes, muttering, “You clearly haven’t gotten smarter since last time.”

He seems to catch on to the hidden meaning behind my comment, his eyes widening. “Oh is it- since we-“”It’s your baby,” I conclude bluntly.

A smirk begins to spread across his face. I can’t believe it. He’s smirking just after I told him that he got me pregnant accidentally for the second time.

“Why do you have that look?” I snap.

“My little swimmers work pretty well, don’t they?” He inquires confidently, sipping from his water and succeeding this time.

I lean across the table, turning it on him. “I don’t know, do they? Are there any half-siblings that I need to worry about?”

The smirk is replaced by a look of genuineness now. It startles me, the sudden change of emotions. “No, it’s you, Y/N. It’s always been you.”

I lean back in my seat, the sudden seriousness too much for me to bear. I fiddle with the napkin sitting next to my glass, avoiding eye contact with him. “Yeah, so it’s a boy.”

“Another boy,” he echoes my very thoughts the moment I found out the sex.

I grin at the thought of my second child. When he’s been kicking me at night and keeping me awake, I think about what he’s going to be like. Is he going to cry a lot or is he going to be a quiet baby like Holden was? Will I have to keep an eye on him every minute or will I be able to get some breaks?

And what about when he’s older. Will he like hockey like his dad? Would he like the Flyers because we live in Philadelphia, or would he like the Blackhawks because his dad plays for them?

“Speaking of boys, how is Holden doing? He hasn’t been responding to my texts lately.” Adam means for the question to sound casual, but I can hear the undertone of worry in his voice. Maybe he isn’t as much of a shitty father as I think he is.

“He doesn’t want to talk to you,” I confess.

He doesn’t bother to hide the hurt on his face. I don’t expect him to. I know how it feels to feel unwanted and unloved by your child- I felt it when Holden told me that I’m a shitty mother. And although Adam deserves the consequences to his actions, I can’t help but feel a small amount of pity for him.

“I deserve that,” he sighs.

“You do,” I agree, knowing that I’m shoving the knife deeper into his heart. “But just give him time to decide what he wants to do. It’s all so fresh to him.”

He gives me a small, vulnerable smile.

“Why didn’t you tell me that he was going to see you while he was in Chicago, Adam?” I ask him the question I’ve been dying to ask ever since I found out about the situation.

He shrugs, not saying a word.

“Yes, you do know,” I persist. “So just fucking tell me. Enough of the bullshit, we’re in our thirties now. It’s time to focus on the children, not your fucking pride.”

He looks baffled by my sudden outburst, but it inspires him to answer. “I was afraid that if you found out, you would stop him. Then I’d never get to meet my son.”

“I would have stopped him,” I agreed, causing him to open his mouth to begin arguing with me. I start to speak again before he can begin. “And reschedule the trip to a time that works better with my work schedule so that I could go with him. Yes, you’re his father, but you’ve never been in his life. You’re essentially a stranger to him.”

He narrows his eyes at me like my words are a challenge. “Not anymore.”

I narrow my eyes at him now. “Really? What’s his middle name? When is his birthday? What’s his favorite color?”

He doesn’t respond and I scoff, taking a sip of my water again. “That’s what I thought.”

We’re quiet as the waitress returns with our meals. I cut my noodles, taking a bite of my food.

“I don’t want it to be that way with this baby,” he says, quickly adding, “And Holden anymore. I want to be there for this baby from the start. Or from now, I guess. And I want to be there for Holden, if he ever wants me.”

Mixed feelings begin to flush through my body. This is what I wanted for my kids from the beginning, an active father figure. And Adam’s offering it now, but why am I still feeling so hesitant?

After years of expecting him to step up as a parent and him never doing it, I have reasonable doubts when it comes to Adam’s parenting ability.

“Well, you know it’s up to Holden. You can’t force him to like you,” I begin slowly, trying to phrase my words in the best way possible. “But with this second baby… we can try it. I have a doctor’s appointment in two days. I’ll text you the address and time.”

“But my flight leaves tomorrow,” he whines. “Can’t you just reschedule for today?”

“You have so much to learn, Adam,” I shake my head. “I just hope you realize that being a parent means that you’re selfless more than selfish. Tell you what, go back to Chicago if you want to. But if you go back to Chicago, the only time you’ll communicate with the boys is when they want to talk to you.”

[uno-writing]

I very much regret asking for those angsty arlo headcanons🤡but nonetheless thank you for giving them😍

What’s that my dear sweet anon? More angst you say? Well how could I deny such a genuine request! :D

After you and pre-character development! Arlo break up, he stays away from you as much as possible. During his development, he thinks a lot about you and the things he did wrong to you. Sometime after John’s exposed as Joker, Arlo finds you and manages to get you alone to talk. In that time he asks how you’ve been and then he talks about how much he’s been thinking about things lately and he says how sorry he is for using you as a stress reliever. It doesn’t end how he hopes it does. It either ends with you getting mad at him and storming off or you telling him that while you know he’s sorry, you don’t forgive him and you leave him still.

Arlo’s walking through Wellston with Holden. It’s been a few months since you and him broke up and he’s dealing with it. And then he hears “Hey baby!” and immediately recognizes your voice. His head whips around so fast that he hears his neck crack. He sees you walking towards him and his heart starts to race with hope. And then you hand some other person a drink and the person leans down and gives you a kiss and his heart shatters. “You okay dude?” Holden asks and Arlo doesn’t answer, walking away.

You show up at Arlo’s door the day after your big fight and he opens the door, unable to meet your eyes. His gaze immediately falls to your wrist, his heart breaking when he notices a slight bruise peeking out from your sleeve. You grab your sleeve, pulling it down further to hide the bruise and you ask him if he has time to talk. He steps aside and lets you into his house making sure to keep some distance between the two of you. “How’s your wrist?” Arlo asks softly and you tell him its just a little bruised, nothing too bad. He nods and still avoids looking at your face. You reach out towards him and he moves away from you, sighing. “We should break up.” “What?” “I hurt you.” “Okay? And? I’m fine, Arlo.” “I lost control. If it happened once, it can happen again. I want you to be safe and that means you’re not with me.” Arlo swallows the lump in his throat. “You didn’t mean to hurt me.” “It still happened.” “so this is it?” Arlo nods and you nod, standing and holding his head in your hands, pressing a kiss to his hair and murmuring that you love him before leaving his apartment. As soon as you’re gone a silent sob wracks though his body. His teeth grit and his fists clench tightly as he feels waves of anguish and guilt wash through his body.