#roci family dynamics

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Bobbie bets Amos he can’t not mention Holden in every/all conversations.

Don’t take that bet Amos. 😉

[rocicrew]

clarissa mao !!

send me a character and i’ll list

favorite thing about them

she's the definition of poor little meow meow. i love her complexities and flaws. she's a rich spoiled heiress, she has enormous family issues. she tried to kill the family she would die for. redemption arcs in my opinion are not always well written but clarissa's does it for me.

she doesn't shy away from the fact that she has done terrible things for selfish reasons (when you look at it in the grand scheme of things). and while the way her father treated her explains her motivations, they are not excused by it. it is her who decides the person she was is gone, and she's going to spend her second chance making up for the things she'd done. it's honest and raw, and her arc shows that people do improve and change when they receive external support and build meaningful relations. while at the same time it says, some things cannot be amended. you can never bring someone back, but you can try to be good.

she is the subversion of the redemption achieved by one last good Deed or Sacrifice. by the time that happens, she's made peace with herself, with the consequences of her actions and it is a choice for the people she loves while she stops delaying the unavoidable.

least favorite thing about them

i find the lack of not revisiting her complicated relationship with julie a Crime. what do you mean after fighting alongside and joining the crew that found her sister, she would not understand her sister's motivation or want some closure re her death?

(tv wise: girl you Have the worst timing in s6. holden is falling asleep on the railing and you think ah a great time to revisit the horrible acts i did to kill him)

(additional sidenote: nothing more meaningful comes to mind at the moment, at least not something i can articulate well so...)

favorite line

Which meant Naomi had misunderstood. Clarissa had meant, I'm not afraid.

10000000/10 on the pain scale this line continues to haunt me. what an epilogue for her im-

(also her exchange with erich on the shuttle about letting people in their tribes without demanding that they prove they need them, and ending it with her prison sentence,,,,,,,,,, i'm rolling on the floor each time)

brOTP

is there any other answer between clarissa and amos ? i personally cannot see their relations as anything other than platonic with deep devotion. they saw each other's worst parts and decided there's good in there even if they can't quite see it in their own selves at times.

they're mirrors but also kind of foils at the same time ?? amos is never afraid while clarissa is all the time,,, let's not be monsters together,, i want to be there in your last moments,,, ah yeahh

OTP

i do not truly ship her with anyone. i can speculate about romantic dynamics, but it's not super far in the Shipping category. i do think she and bobbie would make out in the roci tho

nOTP

is kind of answered in the previous two ? i do not see her and amos' relationship being romantic (except maybe in the roci polycule kind of thing, which i'm still more drawn to the idea of her and bobbie or a complicated relationship with naomi)

random headcanon

i'm not sure how random it is, because it is a nickname she has in canon. but i personally hc that the roci crew over time begins to call her claire after babylon's ashes. peaches is primarily amos' nickname for her and it feels a step too far to use it. so claire is still a way to signal her new path.

i also believe she's a lesbian tbh

unpopular opinion

i have not seen too many opinions on her. i know a lot of people were put off of her in s3, (i have to say she grew on me later as well) but i can now say that she was Unhinged (in a compliment way)

also i think that there's a tendency for her to be portrayed a bit meek in the time after she's joined the roci crew which is the last way i'd personally describe her. she's quiet and reserved, yes, insecure about her place in that family, but she's also blunt and takes risks and has been shown to be incredibly intelligent and capable. and i think it takes away from her character with all her flaws.

song i associate with them

nothing comes to mind rn, i am also terrible at this kind of associations. always one or two lyrics throw me off.

favorite picture of them

the scene she's introduced, first up close and then the shot of her from behind with the navigation map of the maintenance shutte does thinks to the gifmaker side of me (if only the lighting wasn't so yellow)

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 3: The Expanse 3x01

Returned to The Expanse after a bit of a break. Kind of had to force myself to return because this show is so heavy to me… I never know what’s happening half the time, or like, I know what’s literally happening right now in front of me, but I have no idea how to connect it to anything else or to the larger story. I know I say some variant of this all the time. But this show would be 50% better with a previously on and some exposition.

Chrisjen and Bobbie as a pair were my favorite part of the episode. I was very skeptical about Bobbie for most of last season but she’s grown on me a lot and I think this combination of characters is very fun. They’re a good combination of opposite (diplomat versus soldier, different skill sets, backgrounds) and the same (bad bitch), so they gel and it’s satisfying. And I liked that they were part of a bit of a funhouse mirror version of the Roci found family: a bunch of weirdos on a ship, but different weirdos and a different ship. Bobbie crawling outside the ship lizard-fashion did amuse me. And the design of the racing ship, both inside and out, was really cool.

The reminder of Julie Mao kind of made me miss that story line tbh. And the reminder of Belter politics in that conversation between Fred and Drummer made me miss the Belt and their perspective. I still think that was the most interesting world building of the show. It was really what drew me in at the beginning, and now it’s kinda shunted to the side in favor of Major Power Drama. Ironic. Similarly, I miss Miller and the Noir thing he brought to the table. The mixing up of the genres. This is basically just straight sci-fi action, I’d say? I mean, that’s fine, I suppose.

I enjoy that Errinwright is a full-on villain and I hope he sticks around a while for some more uncomplicated villainy.

And finally, Holden et. al. on the Roci. They’re fine? I still like Amos, Alex, and Prax and I want to see them develop the triad I think they so desperately want to be. (Literally every character and pairing/dynamic I care about on this show is one I’ve never heard of after years of tumblr-watching The Expanse, and that makes me feel a bit like a weirdo lol.) But I’m no invested in like the actual main plot or the conflict over Naomi’s betrayal. Too long of a break? Characters in general don’t do it for me? I don’t know. Anyway, I’m going to keep watching slowly, see what happens. I hope it will be something interesting.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[rocicrew]

Hiya! From prompt list. Roci family dynamics. “I am home.”

this took a bit of a different turn than what i originally intended to write but i'm personally quite satisfied with that, and i hope you enjoy too anon ! Angst/fluff Prompt List, accepting

When he picks the crew of the Scopuli, Holden doesn't know that they have one thing in common.

Alex is a great pilot, Naomi and Amos could keep a rust bucket afloat with only a couple of tools, and Shed's their medic. It's simple as that. And if they do run into trouble, the distress call seems like, Amos is someone you want on your side. It's logical, not personal. Common values play no role and, at first, it doesn't seem like they have any. Not in the way they can't decide on a joined course of action.

But, they've all been running from home.

He didn’t know and didn't care about their past. Everyone on the Cant was running from something. It only mattered who they were now.

On a particularly hard night, he wonders if Shed was too. If he'd be one of them, close as they are now.

A part of him struggles at accepting this is true for himself. He grew up with open fields and trees and eight parents all over him. What right does he have to be running from home? For home, a paradise to others, to be something he runs from?

But is sure of one thing. He wouldn’t trade their little ship for anything in the system.

Every time he hears Naomi's laugh and gets lost in her lips. Every meal Alex prepared in the galley. Amos clapping him on his back as they pass each other in the hallways. Bobbie wordlessly points out things he's missed in a tactical report. Clarissa fixing the coffee machine before he has time to notice and leaving a cup brewing for him, saying her apology even years after.

Every time he sits next to them, laughs with them, breathes the same air, touches, hugs, lives with them. He knows that's truly what home is and everything else fades away.

──────────────────

Naomi grows up without a home.

Her mother has a contract that doesn't allow children on board and she's never met her father. She's been raised in stations and ships, by tios and tias, by the Belt. Always moving, never looking back. The promise of a home being all too distant and yet always burning in her. Sixteen years old and thinking she finally found it, only to fall into a trap that she had to kill a part of herself to escape.

Those scars fade over the years but they never leave completely.

Long hauls become a solace but they're never home. She doesn't get attached to people or to places and she likes it that way. It's safer that way. Then, she understands a thing or two better about the way she was raised.

Wanting more is dangerous and she can't let that happen again. She fears the cost will be too much the second time around. But before she realizes it, she loses another home.

If you ask her, she wouldn't describe the Cant as her home, but after watching the first ship she allowed herself to stay longer than two hauls become unidentifiable debris, the loss feels entirely too familiar.

She also doesn't realize that it gives her another home. Her true home.

Naomi still can't trust it, no matter how right it feels. (Holden pulling her into an embrace when she's upset. Alex making her a cup of tea when she's too focused on a specific problem. Amos wordlessly working by her side to keep their home in one place.)

She nearly loses it. With her decision, their behavior, Clarissa's revenge, a missile sending them right into the Ring. She nearly loses it, because this time it has to be a home and not a cage. Because she was raised by the Belt and has blood in it, and that has to mean she has a place there too.

She tries everything to make sure this time, she has no regrets. And the only place she has in thirteen thousand systems is a stolen Martian warship.

The regrets catch up to her anyway.

Because she'd die for them and they'd die for her. Did die for her.

When she and Bobbie share a bottle of brandy, of her making, in the galley trading stories about Alex, and Claire helps her make a pot of red kibble, balancing the spices and saltiness between their tastes, she knows she is home.

One that changed, but is able to hold her changed version as well.

──────────────────

Amos isn't looking for a home.

Amos isn't sure he knows what a home actually is. At least, in the full sense of the word, when people talked about it fondly. Home to him is the bunk he sleeps in. Doesn't matter the job, or the ship. Occasionally home is a well-run brothel in the station he has his shore leave.

If he has to guess, that last one is closer to what people talk about when they think of home. If anything, it is familiar.

He never goes looking for one. His focus had always been survival first and foremost.

But first came Naomi, and after the destruction of the Canterbury, Alex, and Holden. Three people that as time passes, he knows he'd do anything to protect. They aren't like him, but they care for him anyway. He doesn't always understand it but he doesn't argue.

Their journey isn't one without ups and downs. It's more like keeping a ship afloat. Parts come and go. People walk into their lives and leave. Some hold more importance like Prax, and others that are just passing, like Monica and Cohen. Things break apart and are glued back together. His relationship with Naomi rings close to that.

Alex always calls the Roci home, but he doesn't always believe it. The word family is a big word. He's not familiar with that either, it's easier to reject it all.

But as time passes again, he understands more and more how Alex is right. He's not a person that wants things. But little things pile up. The sound of Alex's music always brings a tingling feeling to him. Naomi's absence pulls at the cave in his chest. The faith and trust Cap has in him are unfamiliar. Bobbie always pulls him back at himself either by sparring or a word. Caring for Clarissa unlocks something in him. A realization of what home is and what he has already. Of what he wants her to have.

He's still not entirely sure about home, but one thing he's certain of is that he'd die to protect each and every one of them.

──────────────────

Alex has a home.

Mars and his family and an honorably discharged career in the Navy. He's a model citizen. Did everything right for the good of Mars and what was expected of him.

None of it had been enough when everything pointed that it should be. He lives the greater part of his life as someone that wasn't entirely himself.

He'd flown ships since he was barely an adult, but in those twenty years it hadn't been the kind of flying he had always dreamt of. When his honorable discharge comes, his dreams of flying in battle, crash. And Mars' domes feel more suffocating than the ships he's worked on.

He doesn't fly but he flees to outer space with the excuse of finding a home job.

The first time he flies the Roci, everything he'd thought of as home pales in comparison. He'd be beyond happy just sitting in that chair for the rest of his life.

But that's not all there is. He finds his people too, and it's not Mars or a traditional family unit. It's placing stupid bets with Amos. Having Holden check up on him every time he stays a little too long at the cockpit. Cooking for all of them, his way to take care of them. Keeping contact with Bobbie because Mars might not have been for him but it still means something.

It's risking it all for Naomi. Because whatever she's been through, is certainly hell and he won't let her die all alone in a death trap.

It comes with a cost.

But he spent the greater part of his life not living. Dying for the people that gave him a life he actually loved... It's worth that last flight.

──────────────────

Bobbie has Mars and the MMC.

It feels right. The kind of right you're supposed to do for your life. She's fighting for her planet. She has her team.

They end up being expendable and she's the only one that survives.

It flips her life upside down and she gets a view of the other side. Avasarala gives her a perspective she hadn't been able to see but she still doesn't give up on Mars. She gives everything to Mars.

Her team, her work, her morals, herself.

But as much as she's trying to hold onto it, Mars is dying. And the whole system goes to war. Grief put on a pause to do her job. The only job she's ever done. To be a soldier.

Turns out it involves a lot more politics than she likes, but it also sends her right into a former Martian ship.

It's not the first time they ship together, but this time, something is different. Everyone's grieving for one, but- that's not it. It feels permanent, when before it felt drifting. Mars is dying. She never had a place on Earth, anyway. (Even if she cares for people- a person, there.)

The ship is an option. Something martian, turned anew. After everything that happened, it might be home.

Despite the arguing, she comes to realize they already treat her like crew. Holden doesn't question her authority when she first comes on board, just listens to her tactical plan. Naomi isn't particularly warm, but she sits to explain every modification they'd done to the ship over the years when she takes over as pilot. Clarissa stays mostly in the shadows, but every time she stops Bobbie from trying to steal food while she's cooking, the playful bickering warms her. (As an apology, she sets the table.) And she's pretty sure Amos might've saved her life. He has her back that's for sure.

Alex... Alex's absence takes a while to get used to but she thinks he'd be happy she's here.

The drifting feeling fades. If she has a place in the system, it's right here.

──────────────────

Clarissa feels like an outlier.

She had a house with riches most people could only dream of, but she didn't have a home. Not truly. Not with a functional family.

She ruined her life to prove the opposite. When love is absent from home, a child will try anything to gain it.

She's not proud of who she was or what she'd done, but she gets another chance anyway. She doesn't go looking for it, it's given and that might be the hardest part to accept.

But the thing is, she tried to destroy this family and their home. What right does she have to be a part of it?

The others don't question it as much as she does. Well, Naomi does, but she understands that. For the first month, every time they happened to cross paths, she sees the metallic hand she had on Naomi's throat.

So she puts her head down and does her job. Nothing will be out of place on the ship, nothing creaking or squeaking. It's the least she could do.

Somehow, they warm up to her little by little. Amos is obvious. He's the one that gave her the chance in the first. She'd chosen to reach out to him and some days it feels that's all it took. Holden does too rather quickly if you take into account that she tried to destroy and kill him. Still, he nearly falls trying to steady her whenever she stumbles. Even if she could never get hurt to the degree she tried to hurt him. Bobbie is easier. They don't have the same past, and a large part of it comes from being able to repair her Goliath suit after the Ring battle.

Naomi is last, but it's still more than she ever expected. She's apologized already, even if she knows that's not enough. It's early in the morning, still, when Naomi leans close to her to tell her it's nice she's not the only woman on board after Holden and Amos do something juvenile. It's on the border of a joke and telling the truth. She doesn't look into it any further.

It's more than her father would ever do for her. These people have been kind to her, kinder maybe than she deserves.

She'll cherish the fact they let her into their home until her last breath.

──────────────────

"I'm home," Holden calls from the intercom as he enters the Roci with a duffel bag. 

It takes three seconds for Naomi's voice to cut through and give him the reply, "In the galley."

He should expect that they'd all be gathered in the same place with Naomi's reply, but seeing them all together in one place and chatting over their assortment of teas and coffee warms him up. 

Now, he's home and so are they. 

"Hey, Mr. President," Bobbie teases the moment she notices him stepping into the room. 

"Ex-President," Clarissa corrects and he smiles at her while he heads straight for the coffee machine.

How they have the energy to tease him after the multiple rounds of alcohol they had after his press conference the other night is beyond him. "Why am I the only one still nursing a hungover?"

He probably shouldn't have asked that because it's Amos that replies. "Because you're a lightweight."

Before he has time to flip him off, Naomi takes an interest in the bag.

"What's all that?" she asks. 

Oh. Right the bag. Regretfully he leaves his coffee on the counter, to rummage through it and pull out two uniforms. 

"It's for you," he says to Bobbie and Clarissa as he hands over the fabrics.

"You're telling Avasarala paid for these with that stunt you pulled the other day?" Bobbie asks with narrow eyes.

"I'd already ordered them, beforehand. And, they came from our cut, actually." He'd run it by Naomi and Amos, sometime between negotiations. As a way to make the officially crew. Amos was confused given how he was supposed to become President of the Transport Union but agreed, and Naomi who knew, thought it was a great idea.

After giving them some time to let it sink in, Holden sits next to Naomi and takes out the other object from the bag. A bottle of Ganymede gin. 

On any other occasion, they'd probably crack a joke about his hangover but Naomi and Amos know the true reason behind the bottle.

"I thought maybe we could all cook together some dinner," he begins explaining, "and have a toast to celebrate you joining us and..." but his voice falls short.

"Remember family that isn't here," Naomi continues off of his words and he squeezes her hand in return. Both as a thank you and for the price that has on her.

"Sure thing, Cap," Amos says loudly, clapping him on his back and taking some of the weight of the room.

He groans in return, placing his head on the table. "No Captain either," he huffs out, "I'm putting you all in change and not touching my hand terminal for the next three to five business days."

The room erupts into laughter and various forms of teasing in his way. As long as he hears them laughing, he'll take the gentle mocking.

──────────────────

Later during the night cycle, they all still gather in the galley with the bottle. Trading stories, and emotions and being more open and intimate than they did in the months before. Outside the meals, another tradition is born.

It's not easy to grieve or heal. To find a way to move forward. But families change and sometimes they give their way to new wonderful things. It'll be alright, as long as they have each other.

Because they are home.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

This is my fanfic. Ask away! 👋❣️😊✅

fanfic ask game (do it, this is an order!!)

Hello my angels! Happy International Fanworks Day!! I just found out this is happening, so I made a quick fanfic ask game in honor lol. Reblog if you’re a fic writer and down to be asked these questions! (Especially moots, please entertain me, I’m nosy.)

😂 What’s the funniest comment someone has left on a fic of yours?

🙅‍♀️ What is one trope you refuse to ever write?

😜 Describe a current WIP without using character names. (Points if your followers guess who the fic is for.)

🎶 What music do you listen to when you write?

👀 Do you have any words/phrases you use habitually? 

⏰ What time of day do you prefer to write?

👻 Have you written holiday-themed fics? If yes, which is your fave? If not, what’s one holiday you’d want to write for, and which character(s) would the fic be for?

🗑 What is one fic idea that you loved at first but then scrapped?

🤡 What’s the dumbest thing you’ve written?

😭 Have you ever made yourself cry writing a fic?

💰 What’s one trope you wouldn’t write, except for money?

🔪 Fuck marry kill 3 tropes (asker’s choice of tropes).

🏅 What is the fic you’re most proud of?

☕️ Do you drink anything when you write? Coffee, tea, alcohol, etc?

📚 What grammar mistakes do you always make?

📌 If all your fics/WIPs fell off a ship and were drowning (go with it), and you could only save one, which would it be?

✏️ What is your fave fic from another writer?

�� What’s the fic you spent the most time on? (Was it worth it lol)

☀️ Has anyone ever left you a comment that made your day? What did it say?

💡 What’s the weirdest thing you’ve been inspired by?

💋 Fuck marry kill 3 of your own fics (asker’s choice of fics).

❤️ Who is your favorite character to write for and why?

🤔 What’s one genre you’ve never written that you’d like to try?

🖊 What is the most recent line you’ve written?

❓Write an alternate summary for a published fic without using names. (Points if your followers can guess the fic.)

💕 What is the WIP that you are most excited about?

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

new fanfic!

[naomiholden]

day two,  favorite dynamic(s):   space  found  family

or the roci crew and all the people they’ve picked up along the way

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

Thanks to Jerk-Bending for this PERFECT 🤩 Jamos poetry.

These Violent Delights, Micah Nemerever ( @honeylover ) | Peripety Project, Jen Mazza

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

[cosmic-day]

The Expanse Appreciation Week: Days 3 – 5 since this week has got away from me:

day three: favourite scene

Bobbie rescuing Naomi. The way this scene is shot, with the camera focusing entirely on Naomi, with only ambient sound, and then the muffled thud and Bobbie’s voice coming faintly through the comms…the isolation, the quiet, the desolation and then the hope. It’s stunning.

day four: favourite location(s)

The Roci. Boring answer, but every found family needs a home.

day five: favourite story arc

Tough, but Naomi trying to get Phillip away from Marco. The dynamics at play between all three characters was so well done.

[jamesholden]

huhuhuhuhuhu i can finally share my finale theory with all of you

so there’s a scene in the trailer we haven’t seen yet, and I think it’s the only scene we have yet to see. Holden’s on the Roci, and he says to Bull “they wanted a fight, we’ll give them one”. i used the quote on my S5 character gifset way back when, so it’s been on my mind

Drummer has been tasked with killing Holden, which she doesn’t want to do because Naomi loves him and she loves Naomi and that is Naomi’s home. Also because like Holden is kind of an invaluable ally so like it wouldn’t do her much good to kill him, but it would protect her family from Marco’s wrath. So what can she do to both a) appease Marco b) protect ger family and c) help Naomi’s family?

I think Drummer is going to clue Holden in, and they’re going to work together. If she can make it look like she tried to follow Marco’s orders, but lost, Marco would be hard pressed to punish her. It’s not like Holden is incapable of coming out of a fight like that alive. Especially if the two ships sent to help them are also destroyed, or something happens to Karal/with Karal that keeps her from finding out or reporting back. 

Even if the trick fails, she can count on Holden’s ally-ship if she helps him, and it allows her to come back into the fold of whatever coalition if banded together to stop Marco or whatever.

Either way, her best chance of saving Naomi, and saving her family is to work with Holden to make it look like the fight was a lost cause. And I think that’s what Holden’s talking about, a show fight to make Marco think Drummer followed orders.

So we shall see. I don’t know what’s going to happen, this theory has just been on my mind a while and I usually don’t speculate for fear of being wrong or letting myself down with my expectations. 

But I’ve been dying to see Drummer and Holden work together again. They’re so alike and their dynamic is so funny and I would really like to see them work together instead of against each other, or pit against each other because of what connects them AND what separates them. EDIT: I also just remembered how they keep telling Holden they can’t take on more than a few Free Navy ships with the fuel/weapons they have left.......... which means he might need help...... and help from the inside...... what i’m saying is Holden would need Drummer’s help as much as Drummer would need his.

[always-tilting-at-windmills]

I’m never going to be over this gif set❣️😍

Amos + face/neck touches

[sakebytheriver]

I wanna like Alex, I really do, but from the beginning he was like a puzzle piece that never really fit in with the rest of the crew, he was mostly just there because they needed somebody to fly the ship. He was the one always insisting the Roci crew was a family, but he never really fit in with that family and I was never really able to forgive him for what he did to his wife and kid, I know the narrative doesn't really expect you to forgive him, but at the same time it doesn't make me like him especially since there's never really any redmption given to him for that choice he made and considering he's supposed to be a likeable main character it just ends up adding to the reasons why I don't really like him instead of keeping him in that likeable status. And not to mention the allegations made against his actor rewatching the show with that in mind makes me like him even less, it also doesn't help that I think most of my issues with Alex come from the actor's portrayal of him too, because the writing of Alex's character is stellar just the way it is for every other character, he's a good actor better than many others I've seen, but his portrayal is also just not charming enough in the way I can see the writers' wanted this character to be and the fact that he doesn't quite fit into the charm the writers were trying to give him also adds to how it doesn't feel like he fits with the rest of the team. He didn't really have the best chemistry with the rest of the cast which with the allegations against him in mind could be the reason he never felt like an equal member of the found family dynamic and why all the times they tried to insist he was a member of the family fell flat. Maybe I'm overthinking things, but I really never did like Alex even when I first watched the show before we knew any of the allegations and how everything in season six worked perfectly fine without him is another testament to how on the outside of everything his character felt