#hockey jj maybank

[rafescvntyclubgf]

𝓕𝓮𝓫𝓻𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓯𝓮𝔂

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𝙻𝚘𝚘𝚜𝚎𝚕𝚢 𝙸𝚗𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝙲𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚎𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚛𝚜

𝐇𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐲!𝐑𝐚𝐟𝐞 𝐱 𝐇𝐨𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐲!𝐉𝐉 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫

+18 𝓜𝓲𝓷𝓸𝓻 𝓓𝓝𝓘

𝙵𝚛𝚒𝚎𝚗𝚍𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚝𝚎𝚊𝚖𝚖𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚁𝚊𝚏𝚎 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝙹𝙹 𝚋𝚎𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚎 𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚌𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚊𝚖𝚎 𝚏𝚒𝚐𝚞𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚔𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚛, 𝚜𝚙𝚊𝚛𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚊 𝚑𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚌𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚎𝚝𝚒𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚑𝚊𝚝 𝚜𝚙𝚒𝚛𝚊𝚕𝚜 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚘𝚏 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚝𝚛𝚘𝚕.

cw | smut, swearing, pet names, jealousy, possessiveness, unprotected p in v, choking, fingering, squirting, fighting, mentions of blood, oral (male receiving simultaneously), threesome (<- rafe and jj don't kiss - sorry 💋), anal, spanking shower sex, name-calling

𝓼𝓹𝓸𝓲𝓵𝓮𝓻: 𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓼 𝓲𝓼 𝓯𝓮𝓫𝓾𝓻𝓪𝓯𝓮𝔂 𝓼𝓸 𝓲𝓽 𝓲𝓼 𝓶𝓸𝓻𝓮 𝓡𝓪𝓯𝓮-𝓬𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓻𝓮𝓭 💕🩷

𝕸𝖆𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖑𝖎𝖘𝖙

The air at the rink was crisp, carrying the faint scent of ice and sweat. Rafe stands on the opposite side of the boards, his helmet hanging loose from the blade of his hockey stick. His eyes stay locked on the beautiful figure gliding effortlessly across the rink.

You move gracefully, shifting like water, making everything else disappear. You leap and bend, turning like a top—fiercely athletic, leaving him in awe.

He couldn’t look away, not even if he wanted to.

The sound of your blades carve into the ice, rhythmically, unlike his own. It wasn’t just your skill that had him in a daze. It was your sheer focus, the ease with which you did the effortful, effortlessly. It was how you smiled when you landed a jump he couldn’t even begin to compute.

“Holy shit…”

“I know, right?” Rafe responds, JJ’s words hitting him like a slap. He blinks his blue eyes a few times, his head snapping to the left. His teammate stands next to him, his chin resting lazily on the butt of his stick, staring at the same figure skater with addled eyes. Rafe exhales, realizing he’s been holding his breath. He drags his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “Fuck, man. She’s somethin’ else, huh?”

JJ doesn’t respond, too consumed with watching you. Your body turns into a triple toe loop in the air, executing it flawlessly. Rafe looks back at you, feeling a strange mix of admiration and the sting of something else as he catches onto JJ’s mutual desire for you.

“No way she goes here–” JJ mumbles dreamily.

“Nah, I haven’t seen her around campus,” Rafe replies, his voice a little tighter now. He follows your movements on the ice, eyes scanning the sheet, knowing you’d be stepping off any second—his pulse quickens, hands clammy inside his gloves.

The door swings open beside them; a few of their teammates spill onto the ice before you can even get off. They lose you in the crowd, looking around big bodies as they move toward the door themselves.

When the boys fan out of the ice, the skater is gone. Rafe’s eyes scan the arena, catching JJ's search as well, making him more frantic. “Who are you lookin’ for, bud?” Rafe snips, making JJ scoff in disgust.

“Nobody,” JJ answers, letting his lips curl in a smirk.

“You’re such a bitch, dude,” Rafe cracks disgustedly, shoving JJ against the boards.

“I’m a bitch…” He points his gloved hand at his chest, cocking an eyebrow at Rafe. “Comin’ from you, that means shit,” Maybank laughs as he shakes his head.

“The fuck does that mean?” He asks as he slashes him tauntingly with his stick, making JJ throw a punch, nailing Rafe’s arm.

“You know exactly what that means–” JJ's voice trails off as he watches you round the arch of the rink, walking toward the two of them, skimming through your phone. You look up, smiling at the two of them.

Rafe opens his mouth to speak, but the words get lost somewhere between his brain and tongue. JJ steps forward, tripping slightly on his own skate blade, muttering a rushed, “Uh, hey,” before Rafe can get a word in.

“Hi,” you giggle and tilt your head slightly in amusement, looking up at the two men in passing.

Rafe clears his throat, forcing himself to recover, catching your attention. You look over your shoulder, meeting his eyes again. “That was… Umm. What you were doing out there was amazing,” he praises.

“Yeah, seriously,” JJ adds a little louder, not to be outdone. “Olympic level, shit. You’re probably the best skater I’ve ever seen.”

“Yeah,” Rafe’s eyes narrow on JJ before returning to you. “I couldn’t do that if I tried.”

Your cheeks warm up at their sweet words. You turn toward them, taking a step closer, making them both blush. “Thank you–” You drag out the word, hoping they’ll fill in the blank with their names.

The names come out in a jumbled mess as the two boys speak over the top of each other. JJ slaps Rafe in the gut with his glove annoyedly, his eyes still locked on yours.

“Rafe Cameron,” Rafe repeats himself with a smile.

“I’m JJ,” he jumps in. “JJ Maybank. And you are?”

You introduce yourself, the sound of your name leaving your lips seemingly making the burly boys swoon. Rafe’s pulse quickens as he watches you smile up at his teammate. “Do you skate here often?” Rafe asks.

“No,” you shake your head and smile, “I go to Harvard… They didn’t have any ice time–”

“Harvard?” JJ questions.

“Mhmm… Just borrowing your ice—”

“You busy tomorrow, sweetheart,” Rafe cuts in, catching you off guard. JJ’s lips tightened, brows furrowing as he looked over at his teammate, frustrated with the forwardness he wished he had at that moment. “We have a game if you want to come. I can put some tickets aside for you.”

“Your game?”

“Yeah,” they both say simultaneously, causing them both to roll their eyes in frustration with each other.

“It’d be awesome to have you there,” JJ smiles as he turns back on the charm.

Their coach's whistle rips through the area, tenseing them both. “Cameron; Maybank. Ice, now!”

“I’ll think about it,” you smile as you adjust your bag on your shoulder, still smitten despite their awkward delivery. You walk away from the two, your figure skating skirt teasing them with each step. The two boys stand back in a daze, watching you until you fall out of sight.

⊹ 💌 ⁺ ˳ ✿ . ♥️ ࿐ 𝒷𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝒶𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒶𝓅𝒶𝓇𝓉𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉

“So,” JJ asks, breaking the silence as he tosses a tennis ball lazily, catching it in his hand as he feigns nonchalance. “What’s the move here?”

Rafe flicks his wrist, stickhandling the ball on the carpet as he does the same. Rafe chuckles and shakes his head before looking over at JJ. “You mean my move, yeah?”

JJ snorts in annoyance. “Didn’t say that. Fix your fuckin’ ears, bud.”

“Why is this complicated, huh? I walked out of the locker room first. I saw her first–”

“By a second,” JJ mumbles.

“And?” Rafe asks as his annoyance builds, his stick blade snapping against the puck a little harder.

“Calm the fuck down, Cameron,” JJ taunts as he throws the tennis ball across the room, whizzing by Rafe’s head, making him flinch before hitting the wall, bouncing back to him.

The boys fall silent, focusing on their distractions in hand, trying to mind-read what the other is thinking.

Rafe drops his stick, plopping down on the couch across from JJ when he sees him take out his phone, doing the same himself— he watches as JJ scrolls aimlessly, with a suspiciously focused expression.

Rafe studies your feed–a mix of professional skating shots, pictures at your university, and sexy shots with your friends from your nights out in Boston. He couldn’t stop— each new photo made you seem perfect.

“You’re stalkin’ her profile, you dog,” JJ mumbles, his eyes still locked on his phone.

“Nah…”

“Nah…” JJ mimics Rafe’s tone, his eyes shooting to him and then back to his phone. “Don’t even try to lie. You got that stupid fuckin’ little look on your face.”

“Fine. Maybe. But you can’t tell me you’re not doin’ the exact same thing.”

JJ shrugs, challenging Rafe with his glare. “At least I own it.”

They sit in silence for another moment, the tension building between them until one breaks again. “She didn’t accept my friend request…” Rafe mutters, his voice just above a whisper.

“Same.”

“Maybe she doesn’t know it’s me–”

JJ cackles and grabs the bill of his hat, pulling it over his face in exhaustion with Rafe. “How many Rafes do you know, man?” JJ sneers before letting out a sleepy yawn. “Stupid fucking bitch ass kook ass name,” JJ grumbles just above a whisper.

“You good?” Rafe laughs.

“Never better, Rafe.”

Rafe rolls his eyes in annoyance, continuing to flip through your account. “We don’t even know if she’s comin’...”

“True… You DM her?”

“No,” Rafe says firmly, shooting JJ a side-eye. “Did you?”

“Nope,” JJ’s reply comes out quick and unreadable.

“You’re lyin’,” Rafe scoffs.

“You’re projecting.”

“Big word for you, Maybank,” Rafe chuckles cruelly.

And the truth is, they’re both dying to text you. They knew it was risky—that it would come off as desperate at the very least… as if they weren’t.

Rafe taps his thumbs against the edges of his phone, nerves rising. Fuck it, he thinks as he opens Messenger anyways, shooting his shot.

Rafe: hey its rafe. Just wanted to say it was really nice meeting you earlier. I’m just wondering if you give lessons? Askin for a friend.

He hits send before he can think about it anymore, throwing his head back in instant regret, wishing he would have said something else.

Across the room, JJ’s doing the same thing.

Hey, it’s JJ. I hope you’re havin a great night. I don’t think we mentioned it but the game starts at 8 tomorrow if you're still thinking about it. Hope you can make it

Both boys sit back in their respective spots, trying to act casual. “So,” JJ hums after a moment, turning his head to watch TV, “what are you workin’ on over there?”

Rafe throws his hand behind his head, lounging a little more into the couch. “Doin’ the discussion board for English–”

“Fuckkk,” JJ groans as he picks up his phone, doing the same. ‘Same’, meaning triple-checking to see if you responded to his message or not.

His eyes widened on the screen as he sees the announcement for one new message.

⊹ 💌 ⁺ ˳ ✿ . ♥️ ࿐ 𝓀𝑒𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓎 𝓇𝒾𝓃𝓀

The buzz of the game is electric–a sea of maroon and gold–all packed in the bleachers. The student section’s alive with fans, but Rafe only has eyes for one person. You were there, just like you said you’d be, casually dressed in a sweater and jeans, and he swears he’s never seen anyone more beautiful.

Rafe skates onto the ice for warm-ups, forcing himself to focus, but it’s useless. His eyes drift from the game to you. You smile at him, making his heart skip a beat.

“Goddamn, dude,” JJ snaps as the boys nearly collide, his tone teasing but laced with venom nonetheless. “Watch where you're goin’, huh?”

“Please…” Rafe huffs.

“Woah… Look who’s here,” JJ smiles, pointing at her playfully like it was some kind of personal victory.

Rafe’s grip on his stick tightens. He glances toward you again, catching the way you giggle and smile at your friend, hoping you’re saying something about him.

When Rafe turns back to JJ, he sees the same thing mirrored in his teammate’s face. The boys stand there for a moment, the sounds of pucks hitting the boards and teammates shouting fades into the background.

“We’ve got a game to play, Maybank. Focus on that, yeah?”

“Sure, Cameron. You first, huh?” JJ chirps as he passes the puck to Rafe a little harder than usual.

Rafe glares at him, but their coach’s whistle slices through the air before he can retort.

They skate to their positions, consciously trying not to look at you. The first puck drops, both boys know one thing: the competition on the ice isn't the only battle tonight.

The situation took its toll on both; Rafe's focus was broken each time he caught a glimpse of you; meanwhile, JJ’s game was nothing short of reckless in an attempt to impress you. Until it finally paid off, JJ gave the Eagles a 1-0 lead 54 seconds into the third period with a power-play goal, scoring on his own rebound.

The student section erupts with cheers. Rafe glances at the stands, watching you cheer, banging your gloves against the glass, following JJ as he celebrates with his team, feeling a flare of jealousy burn in his chest.

After that, Rafe played like a man possessed: sharp passes, clean footwork, calculated shots until he scored a goal of his own. Of course, the celebration happened against the boards right in front of the student section— Rafe riding that high until the last possible second.

During the third period, everything came to a head. The teams were playing more aggressively, post-whistle trash talk started to become a little more targeted.

Rafe and JJ’s chemistry, usually the glue holding the team together, began to crack. Missed passes, botched plays, and a growing animosity between them became impossible to ignore.

“Rafe! JJ! Pull it together!” The coach screams from the bench, red-faced and furious.

The rival team starts to notice, too.

One of their forwards, leaning on his stick during faceoff, smirks, “What’s the matter, boys? Trouble in paradise?”

Rafe’s mitts tighten around his stick, his blood boiling at the comment and the fact that he let it get this bad.

“Fuck off—”

“Saw you two bitchin’ at each other. What, you fighting over her?” He nods toward the stands. “Pretty little thing.”

The puck drops, and the action starts again, Rafe quickly scoring on a power-play goal from the slot, adding another point to the board.

Before he can celebrate, he gets shoved from the back, sending both teams into a frenzy. Rafe drops his gloves first, lunging at the forward, his fist connecting with his jaw. JJ was right there with him, shoving a rival defenseman to the ice, yelling something incoherent as the refs blow their whistles, trying to pry the teams apart.

The defensemen shoves JJ, sending him back, knocking Rafe in the process. “The fuck are you doing?” Rafe shouts at JJ.

“Me? What are you doing?” JJ fires back, getting in Rafe’s face. “You’ve been skating like shit all night!”

“You’re the one showboating, bitch!” Rafe shoves JJ back; Maybank uses the contact to send the two of them to the ice. The crowd gasps, and the opposing team watches on in confusion as the coach loses his shit from the bench until the two get ripped apart.

“You’re embarrassing yourself,” JJ hisses, jerking his arm free from Rafe's grip.

“I’m embarrassing myself? You hit me first!”

“I TRIPPED,” JJ snaps.

“Un-fuckin-likely,” Rafe spits as the two boys get thrown into the penalty box.

They sit there in silence, glaring at each other before one of the boys from the other team skates by, tapping on the glass with a smirk.

“Yo, what’s her name, boys?”

Rafe bites down on the finger of his glove, pulling it off, giving him the finger as he skates back to the center line.

“This is all your fuckin’ fault,” Rafe mutters, his voice low but sharp as he leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees.

“My fault?” JJ shoots back, kicking out his skates as he crosses his arms over his chest. “Not my fault you can't find the fuckin’ goal, Rafe”

Rafe snorts and laughs. “Oh? You hogged the fuckin’ puck every chance you got just to show off for her.”

JJ laughs bitterly. “At least I have somethin’ to show off. Got two goals, bitch. You got one.”

“I got two, too, you dumb fuck. Is you’re head that far up your ass?”

JJ laughs wickedly, letting his head fall against the glass. “You’re easily forgettable, man. My bad-”

“Check your fuckin’ ego, bitch. We can go round two in here.” Rafe’s stomach drops, JJ’s quickly doing the same. “Wha-What the fuck?” Rafe stammers. “She’s leaving?”

JJ lets out a frustrated sigh. “Yup. And it’s on you, asshole…” He mumbles as the ref skates over, opening the door.

“Me? Maybe if you hadn’t been such a jealous prick—”

“You’re the one who couldn’t handle a little competition!” JJ snarls, cutting Rafe short as they step back onto the ice. Rafe pokes out his stick, tripping JJ slightly as he skates back toward the bench. “Do that again. I fuckin’ dare you,” JJ hisses.

“Calm down,” the ref warns as he skates between them, cutting the tension for a moment.

“I’m going after her,” JJ mumbles as he crashes down on the bench.

Rafe raises an eyebrow. “Good luck with that. You don’t even know where she lives.”

JJ looks across the way, smiling to himself. “Actually, I do.”

“What?”

“She gave me her address last night,” JJ answers smugly, elbowing Rafe tauntingly.

“Well, joke’s on you, pussy. She gave it to me, too,” Rafe smiles that same devilish smile, elbowing him back a little harder making JJ hiss out a sharp breath.

“Game on, Cameron.”

⊹ 💌 ⁺ ˳ ✿ . ♥️ ࿐

“Hopefully, that beaters faster than your skatin’, bitch!” Rafe scoffs as he shoves open the arena door.

“Says the guy who gets lost in a fuckin’ parking lot. Good luck finding her place first, dumb fuck,” JJ fires back before pushing past Rafe, sprinting to his Bronco.

“Fuck,” Rafe huffs, not prepared for a foot race, his dress shoes pounding against the asphalt as he closes the gap between him and his Audi.

Rafe slams his car door shut, adrenaline coursing through his veins as he peels out of the parking lot. It’s a short drive, only a few blocks, but it feels like forever. His ringed fingers twist around the leather steering wheel, anger rising with every red light he hits.

He pulls into the parking lot, muscles tightening as he hears JJ’s SUV screech to a stop; he doesn't even need to look back to know the race isn’t over. Rafe charges to the front door, tearing it open before running to the elevator, rapidly pushing his finger against the up button.

“Ohhh fuck you,” JJ groans as the elevator shuts just before he can reach it, settling for running up the stairwell instead. The elevator crawls upward. Rafe pulls the door the rest of the way open impatiently before sprinting down the hall, watching as JJ barrels toward him in the other direction.

“You’ve gotta be fuckin’ kiddin’ me!” Rafe growls, his voice low and lethal.

“Out of my way,” JJ snaps, shoving Rafe’s shoulder as he reaches the door.

“Oh, hell fuckin’ no,” Rafe shoots back, grabbing JJ by the arm.

The shoving turned into grappling, the boys wrestling to the floor. “I was here first!” Rafe grunts, trying to pin JJ against the ground.

“Like hell you were!” JJ barks, shoving the bigger boy off him.

The noise echoes through the hallway—shoes scraping, muffled swears, and the occasional thud, so chaotic you hear it from the other end of the door.

Both boys freeze mid-struggle, their hands still gripping each other’s suit jackets when you open the door. They turn to you, seeing you standing there wide-eyed, dressed in a satin robe, stunned and silent.

“Uh…” JJ starts, but his voice cracks as he struggles to his feet.

“We–Umm. We just…” Rafe stammers, releasing JJ as he stands up, combing his messy hair back as JJ fixes his tie.

You lean against the doorframe, crossing your arms over your chest, lips twitching as you fight back a smile. “That was fast,” you say, your voice light and teasing. “You both smell like hockey, you know?”

Their cheeks flush in embarrassment. Rafe hangs his head and nods as JJ looks away–the boys trying their best to collect themselves.

Rafe lifts his head, his pretty blue eyes resting on yours, replaying your words before his face lights up. “You… were waiting?” Rafe asks, his words still breathless from the struggle.

You nod, tilting your head slightly. “Yeah. I figured you’d both get here eventually. Though I wasn’t expecting this.” You giggle, gesturing to their sweat-soaked bodies and disheveled game-day suits.

JJ scratches the back of his neck, glancing at Rafe before looking back at you. “We just… We both just want to–”

“Talk,” Rafe adds, quickly cutting JJ off.

“Talk?” You ask as you quirk an eyebrow. “You just wanted to talk to me?”

Rafe and JJ exchange a look, suddenly at a loss for words. You sigh, stepping back to open the door wider. “Let’s talk then...”

The door closes behind them; Rafe and JJ shuffle in awkwardly. Your space is cozy–warm lighting, a comfy couch, and the faint scent of a vanilla candle wafting through the air.

“So,” you ask as you sit down on the couch. Your robe falls open slightly, showing off your upper thigh, the top swooping low, giving them just a tease of cleavage. Rafe’s eyes fall to a lusty haze, JJ’s lashes fluttering as he swallows thickly. “What’s going on, boys,” you ask through a half-laugh. “What was that about?” You gesture toward the hallway.

“It’s because of you,” JJ says bluntly, though his tone softened. “We both… like you.”

“Both of you?” You ask with a smile.

“I mean… You were talking to us both,” JJ sulks under his breath. “‘Course we do—”

“Look,” Rafe says, “I think we both got carried away. But the thing is… I’ve never met anyone like you.”

JJ nods in agreement. “Same. You’re incredible. I just didn’t expect him to get in the way,” JJ gestures toward Rafe, letting his annoyance bleed through.

“Fuck off,” Rafe mumbles. “We both know who saw her first—”

“You two are impossible,” you giggle. “I mean, I knew you were competitive, but this?” You wrinkle your nose teasingly. “Did I mention you both stink?”

Rafe winced. “Sorry about that, sweetheart.”

JJ looks at you sheepishly. “Yeah… sorry, pretty.”

“Mhmm…” You hum. “And you,” you whisper as you stand up from the couch, walking over to Rafe, watching as his breath catches in his chest. You run your thumb along your tongue before smudging the little bit of blood off his gashed cheek. “You're bleeding. Did you know that?”

He shakes his head ‘no’ and bites his lip, looking down at you with a smile. “Here’s the thing,” you say, your voice quiet as you lean closer. “I didn’t want to pick between you.” You keep your eyes set on Rafe’s as you reach over, grabbing JJ by his suit jacket and pulling him closer.

The boys blink, their heads tilting slightly as their brain plays catch up with the words leaving your lips. “What?” They mumble in unison.

“I like both of you,” you whisper. “I don’t think I could choose. At least… not right now. Are you gonna make me?” You tease.

“N-No—” JJ stammers

“No. Fuck no,” Rafe pushes out the reply JJ’s too flustered to get out himself.

“—But you two just wanted to talk, huh?” You flirter as your fingers toy with the satin bow at your waist, tugging at it.

“Absolutely not,” JJ blurts. His jaw falls slack as the delicate material falls to a puddle at your feet. Rafe and JJ exchange glances, their expressions a mix of shock and disbelief. “Holy shit, you're serious…” JJ’s voice comes out needy and hoarse.

Rafe let out a slow breath, his mind racing as his eyes fall down your body.

You take Rafe by surprise, pressing your lips against his. As soon as you do, he’s fighting off his suit jacket between messy kisses, the two of you working on the buttons of his dress shirt.

Rafe smiles against your lips as his shirt falls to the floor, quickly pulling you closer, pushing his skin on yours.

You reach over, grabbing JJ by his tie, pushing Rafe back slightly, and just as you turn, JJ’s mouth finds yours. Your fingers scratch into JJ’s damp hair, tugging him closer as he tilts his head, letting his tongue slip inside your mouth as Rafe works on his pants.

Rafe pulls down his boxers and hooks his arm around your waist, pulling you off JJ’s lips and back onto his. His tongue dips in your mouth before sucking off yours. Rafe slows down slightly, letting the rough pad of his finger circle your nipple, making you whimper against his lips.

JJ steps closer, his hard cock brushing against your thigh; his lips find your neck, sucking down harshly as your tongue swirls with Rafe’s.

“Shower... Now,” you mumble as you pull away from Rafe, pressing a kiss against JJ’s lips next.

“Yeah, Princess?” JJ asks, but before he can snatch you away, Rafe takes you into his big arms, picking you up off your feet.

“Start the shower, Maybank,” Rafe hums smugly against your lips as he gets you to himself for a minute. JJ scoffs, rolling his eyes before heading toward the open bathroom door. You scratch your nails into Rafe’s hair as he deepens the kiss, rolling your body into him, feeling your wetness transfer to his hot skin as JJ turns on the shower.

“Hurry the fuck up, man,” JJ mutters as Rafe saunters over, taking his time with you. “Set her down,” JJ snips as the two of you pass through the threshold into the bathroom, making Rafe chuckle darkly–heat already swirling around, the sounds of water pouring out the head and panting breaths filling the small room from your kiss.

Rafe pulls back, looking at you half-lidded, the pupils of his blue eyes blown with lust as he mumbles a simple. “No,” to JJ with a look on his face lets you know he means it.

You lean in, brushing your soft lips against his. “This isn’t gonna work if you don’t share,” you whisper.

“Do I have to,” Rafe hums.

“Yes, you fuckin’ have to,” JJ answers for you, his brows pinched together in disgust.

“I’m listenin’ to you. I'm not listenin’ to him,” Rafe replies as he steps with you into your walk-in shower.

“Share,” you chuckle breathily. Rafe sucks his teeth and rolls his eyes, setting you down on the cool tile floor.

You shiver from the chill as you adjust to the temperature; Rafe and JJ’s hands are all over you fast. They alternate between kissing your lips and kissing your neck, handing you back and forth as your hands run down their broad chests, dipping into the divots of their cut abs.

You pull away from their lips, reaching over for the soap. The boys do the same, their slick hands gliding over your curves with ease–toying with your tits, squeezing your ass, teasing your inner thighs, both too hesitant to play with your pussy just yet.

That all changes when your fingers wrap around her cocks, pulling to the tip, making low moans rumble in their throats. Their hands quickly bump into each other, fumbling to get to your pussy first. Rafe smiles against your lips as he takes the win, circling your clit. You gasp against his lip as JJ slaps your ass.

“Co’mere,” JJ hums, beckoning you off Rafe’s lips and onto his. JJ’s hand sneaks between your ass checks, the tip of his finger rubbing over the tight rim of your ass as Rafe stuffs two long fingers in your pussy. Rafe rolls his thumb on your clit, curling his fingers in your soaked pussy.

Your thighs start to tremble uncontrollably, breathing a little quicker as Rafe’s skilled fingers work on you.

Your moan bounces off the wall as Rafe pushes a third finger inside you, quickly sending you over the edge. Your body flutters around his thick digits as you come undone.

He slips his fingers out of your slick cunt, bringing them to his lips before sucking them clean.

“Holy shit,” JJ mumbles in disbelief as his pretty blue eyes follow you to your knees. Rafe looks down at you as well, breathing heavily, his muscular chest heaving with every deep breath.

“Is this okay?” You ask as you look up at them through wet lashes, your fingers ghosting up the bottom of their dicks to the tip just like you did before, this time just inches from your lips, making them both take a step closer in anticipation.

“Is this okay?” Rafe laughs as he repeats your words, his long, thick cock throbbing in your hand.

“Mhmm,” you whisper as you lean closer to him, letting your tongue flick up his fat tip, catching a bead of precum before it can get washed away.

“Fucking perfect, princess,” he mumbles as his lips part, mimicking your own. He belts his large fist in your hair, pulling you closer. You wrap your lips around his tip, making his muscles flex as you take more and more. “Good fuckin’ girl,” Rafe praises as you gag on as much as much of him as you can get.

You bob a few times back and forth on his length as your other hand palms JJ’s balls, rolling them in your slight hand.

You push away, turning your head toward JJ, before wrapping your lips around him. Your hand continues to stroke Rafe’s cock, drawing out deep moans from them both. You curve your tongue around the bottom of JJ’s dick, tracing to the tip before swirling around his crown, making him clutch the tile wall for support.

Rafe grabs your wet hair, pulling you back to him, thrusting into your mouth, causing tears to spring in your eyes, the water from the shower quickly carrying them away as JJ fucks your fist with the same vigor.

Their moans and breathing get louder and heavier, the two men moving closer until you're practically bouncing between the two of them: stroking, sucking, swirling, kissing, until they’re both mumbling orders telling you to open wide.

You lay out your pretty pink tongue–ropes of pearly white cum quickly panting your face and tongue as they finish in succession; one after the other.

The boys breathe heavily, heads thrown back to the ceiling as the water washes away the rest of the mess on your face, you, swallowing the rest.

“Goddamn,” JJ groans in satisfaction as he helps you to your feet, quickly pulling you into a tender kiss. Rafe fingers lace in yours, tugging you to him for the same.

“What do you want from us, baby?” Rafe asks.

His tongue slides against yours as his large hand traces between your thighs, cupping your pussy in his big hand, making you whimper against his soft lips.

“Fuck, Rafe…”

“You make such pretty sounds, princess,” he whispers as JJ cuts off the water.

“I want both of you,” you smile against his lips.

“Yeah… I can feel that,” Rafe chuckles deeply, feeling the silky wetness of your arousal on his fingers. “What do you want, pretty?”

“Yeah, princess,” JJ murmurs as he walks behind you, finding the sweet spot on your neck as his large hands grab your hips. You giggle breathily as the two boys sandwich you together; the heat of their big bodies keeping you warm. “How do you want us?”

“Just like this…” You whisper against Rafe’s lip as you arch your back slightly, pressing your ass into JJ’s hard cock.

“Yeah?” Rafe asks with an airly rasp, speaking to you like he’s living in a dream. “You want me to cum in your pussy?”

“Mhmm–” You mumble. “I want you to cum in my pussy. And you,” you whisper as you reach your hand back, hooking around the JJ’s neck, kissing him over your shoulder. “I want you to fill my ass—”

“—Holy fuckin’ shit,” JJ mumbles under his breath, riding the same high as Rafe.

“Corner of the bed; I’m gonna ride Rafe. And you’re gonna take care of me. Think you can do that, baby?” You ask JJ as your lips brush against his.

“I can do whatever you want, princess,” JJ mumbles as he pulls you into his arms this time, lifting you off your feet.

The three of you move into the bedroom; Rafe reaches for you fast, doing exactly what he’s told.

You straddle his lap, grinding your slick cunt against him as you kiss him deeply.

You jump and squeak as JJ’s large hand cracks down on your ass again, spanking your bare skin hard enough to leave behind a stinging heat that has you aching to be filled.

JJ rubs his large hand over it, soothing the pain as you circle your hips on top of Rafe, driving him insane.

You push Rafe to his back, the man quickly grabbing your wrist, taking your fingers in his mouth, biting and sucking as JJ bends you over slightly, thumbing over your taunt hole just like before, running a line of spit down on your body.

You reach between your thighs, clutching Rafe’s thick cock in your fist, stroking as your lips meet his.

JJ taps his swollen tip against your ass before gliding his dick through your soaked slit, using your slick as lube.

You trace Rafe’s velvety tip around your drooling hole as Rafe looks between your legs, eyes dazed as your pussy swallows him whole. “So fucking wet,” he moans through panting breaths, your eyes fluttering shut as you take him all.

Your nails sink into Rafe’s muscular chest, breasts moving with you as you bounce on his cock. Rafe bites his bottom lip between his teeth, trying his best to keep his eyes on you, fighting to keep them from rolling back.

“God, you feel so fucking good,” Rafe mumbles–his voice fucked-out and hoarse–muscular body glistening from the shower still. He raises his hand, pressing it against your stomach, feeling himself work in and out before letting his hand fall lower.

You gasp and moan as his thumb finds your clit, rolling on top as JJ pushes his girthy tip into your tight hole.

“Sh-Shit,” you whimper, feeling your eyes glass with tears at the burn and the stretch, the men pushing your body to the limit.

Rafe wraps his hand around your throat, pulling you down to his lips as JJ spits on what’s left of his cock before gliding the rest of the way in as Rafe swallows your moans and cries.

Your body trembles in Rafe’s arms as you adjust to two men, filling you fully. “You okay, princess?” Rafe asks softly against your lips.

“Mhmm… So fucking good, baby,” you hum, feeling him smile against your lips.

“You like me better,” he breathes, his voice barely heard over your panting breaths and JJ’s. “Don’t you, pretty?”

“Are you gonna tell on me?” You whisper.

“Maybe,” he smiles as he grabs hold of your hips, lifting you slightly before fucking up into your pussy nice and slow.

“You wouldn’t dare,” you mouth as you look down at him. He shrugs teasingly, looking at the space between you, watching the way your wet pussy drips down his rock-hard shaft, running down his balls onto the mattress below.

“Mine,” he mouths back smugly, making you smile; JJ’s none the wiser.

JJ starts to stroke nice and slow, too, wrapping his hands around your body, taking two fistfuls of tits.

The two boys start to move in and out, hitting all the right spots, your pleasure so strong you feel like you could pass out.

Rafe drives his heels into the floor, throwing his hips up into you again and again, the angle making your toes curl, your hands reaching up to grasp JJ’s wrists for support.

“So fuckin’ tight,” JJ mumbles, warm against your neck. He snaps his hips. His toned body clapping against your ass with each stroke, making your vision blur.

The sounds of your pleasure fill the room as they keep a brutal pace, sending you closer and closer to the edge.

Your eyes slam shut; body unable to take much more. Rafe grabs your wrists, forcing your hands onto his chest again. He reaches up, gripping your cheeks with a single hand, making your heavy eyes lift open on his.

“I know you’re gonna cum, baby. So am I. Cum with me,” he mutters as their movements get messier and rougher.

“Fuck,” you scream as your body gives way, pussy gushing and pulsing around Rafe’s throbbing length, your climax pulls the boys with it, the two cumming hard, filling both holes to the brim.

You tumble down on the bed, falling into Rafe’s arms as JJ clutches your hips tightly, pushing himself as deep as he can go.

Rafe turns your cheek, lifting your lips to his for a gentle kiss, the two of you breathe heavily together as the three of you come down from your highs.

Rafe smiles in satisfaction, burying himself in your neck, lips brushing against the shell of your ear.

“You’re mine, princess.”

⊹ 💌 ⁺ ˳ ✿ . ♥️ ࿐

tags: @rafesthroatbaby | @marleymarleymarleymarley | @chelzaa | @rafesheaven | @nemesyaaa | @starkeysbabygirl | @littlelamy | @cameronsprincess | @lottalove4evelyn | @yasmin-oviedo | @vanessa-rafesgirl | @watchmerora | @rafeslovergirly | @buckybarnessweetheart | @anamiad00msday | @namelesslosers | @cades-outsider | @romaescapes | @starkeysprincess | @lish-0 | @oxpogues4lifexo | @unrealmirrorball | @lilithblackkk | @sleepiibunniiii | @gri959 | @rafesgiirl | @daryldixon83 | @akobx | @hyperfixationgirl | @lhhlver | @rrafeswhore | @slut-4-gojo | @blair-bears-blog | @loveesiren | @rafescorpsebride | @rafegf-real | @alphabetically-deranged | @ariana2saucyy | @rafestoothbrush | @hauntedfawnn | @laniirackssss | @wtfdudesblog | @sabrina-carpenter-stan-account | @jkrafe | @alejstarkey | @rafe-cameronswife | @rafedaddy01 | @st8rkey

dividers | @animatedglittergraphics-n-more

[baocean]

queen street masterlist

hockey player!rafe cameron x college/sorority!reader

ongoing!

being eighteen and drafted to a hockey team in a completely different country was a big change for rafe cameron. but, that was three years ago. now, he’s made quite the name for himself.

like all of his other teammates, he was a celebrity around toronto, being praised like some kind of god for his skills on the ice.

toronto had been your home for all of your twenty one years of life. of course, that included being a die hard leafs fan, like everyone in your family who came before you.

of course you knew who rafe cameron was, the all star, the stud, the poster child of the toronto maple leafs. but, you thought it was kind of funny when you pretended you didn’t after he slid into your dms.

mood boards 🪽🫧🍁🫐

rafe cameron

reader

notes & important things!

set in toronto, canada! for this fic, let’s pretend uoft has great greek life lol 😹 both reader and rafe are 21, reader is a junior in college!

i want to make a playlist for this (maybe??) so that might be coming in the future!

assss usual, i’m so happy you’re reading (you honestly have no idea, i’m so sappy ppl like to read my work) 💘 and please! comment on this post if you want to be added to my taglist!! it’s challenging to try and see everyone’s comment on so many posts, sticking to this post will make it ten thousand times easier, thank you!!!

as well, please go check @judesgfirl fic! we had one in the same idea, and im so excited to see what she writes!! i know its going to be an absolute masterpiece!!!

warnings

swearing, alcohol, but that’s it! very lighthearted, i want yall to have a good time lol

guide

chapter one | chapter two | chapter three |

[fvnalgirlcomplex]

GUTS SERIES!

ALL-AMERICAN BITCH — hockey player!reader

summary: i don’t get angry when i’m pissed. i’m the eternal optimist.

BAD IDEA RIGHT? — trevor zegras

summary: haven’t heard from you in a couple months but i’m out right now and all f*cked up

VAMPIRE — nico hischier

summary: how do you lie? how do you lie? how do you lie?

LACY — sarah cameron

summary: lacy, oh, lacy, i just loathe you lately and i despise my jealous eyes and how hard they fell for you

BALLAD OF A HOMESCHOOLED GIRL — oscar piastri

summary: i broke a glass, tripped and fell, told secrets i shouldn’t tell

MAKING THE BED — franco colapinto

summary: and i tell someone i love them just as a distraction they tell me that they love me like i’m some tourist attraction

LOGICAL — mat barzal

summary: and now you got me thinking two plus two equals five and i’m the love of your life

GET HIM BACK! — jamie drysdale

summary: he said he’s six foot two and i’m like “dude nice try” but he was so much fun and he had such weird friends

LOVE IS EMBARRASSING — lando norris

summary: i’m planning my wedding with some guy i’m never marrying

THE GRUDGE — drew starkey

summary: my undying love, now, i hold it like a grudge

PRETTY ISN’T PRETTY — jack hughes

summary: but i’d always feel the same cause pretty isn’t pretty enough anyway

TEENAGE DREAM — f1 driver!reader

summary: when am i gonna stop being great for my age and just starting being good?

OBSESSED — mat barzal

summary: i’m so obsessed with your ex. i know she’s been asleep on my side of your bed and i can feel it.

GIRL I’VE ALWAYS BEEN — jamie drysdale

summary: don’t say that i’ve been actin’ different, i’m nothing if i’m not consistent.

SCARED OF MY GUITAR — luke hughes

summary: i can’t lie to it the same way i lie to you, i’m so scared of my guitar.

STRANGER — jack hughes

summary: i cried a million rivers for you, but that’s over now. you’re just a stranger i know everything about.

SO AMERICAN — oscar piastri

summary: when he laughs at all my jokes and he says i’m so american, oh god, it’s just not fair of him to make me feel this much.

[bearsworld73]

Characters I will write for! REQUEST - OPEN

Hockey Players:

Michigan:

Ethan Edwards

Tyler Duke

Luca fantilli

Mark Estapa

Boston Bruins:

Jackson Edwards

New Jersey Devils:

Nico Hischier

Jack Hughes

Luke Hughes

Toronto Maple Leafs

Matthew knies

Anaheim Ducks

Trevor zegras

San Jose Sharks:

Macklin Celebrini

Outerbanks:

JJ Maybank

John B Routledge (bring it on home John b! 🔔)

Rafe Cameron

HellRaiser:

Trevor (Drew Starkey plays him)

Just Drew Starkey!

COD:

Simon “Ghost” Riley

Kyle “Gaz Garrick

Cap Price

If there is any others I may write for them!

[raestar09]

pls the only good thing about season 4 was rafe

[princessmaybank]

I just finished Wildfire by Hannah Grace!!! Omg it's so good, I love this series and I can't wait for Daydream to come out 🥹 If you are looking for spicy romance, these books are definitely for you 🥵

For the Rafe girlies: I saw a post on Tiktok where someone pictured Rafe as Russ. (personally I can't but hey maybe you can). P.S. There's also a character named JJ 🥺

[bbradyskjei]

NAVIGATION

About me; currently writing for obx but planning on expanding my work later (my masterlist too)! safe space and only positivity here!

MASTERLIST;

- rafe cameron

HIDDEN FEELINGS

GONE

[rafescvntyclubgf]

An very unedited sneak peak at my next Februrafey fic, very loosely inspired my Challengers 💕 (mostly just this scene inspired by the tennis match and the US Open party)

+18 <- swearing

Hockey!Rafe x Hockey!JJ x reader

The air at the rink was crisp, carrying the faint scent of ice and sweat. Rafe stands on the opposite side of the boards, hit helmet danging loose from the blade of his hockey stick. His eyes stay lock on the beautiful figure gliding effortlessly across the rink.

You move with grace, shifting like water; making everything else are him fade away. You leap, and bend, turning like a top–so fiercely athletic, leaving him in awe.

He couldn’t look away. Not even if he wanted to.

The sound of your blades carve into the ice, rhythmically, unlike his own. It wasn’t just your skill that had him in a daze. It was your sheer focus, the ease in which you did the effortful, effortlessly. It was the way you smiled to yourself when you landed a jump he couldn’t even begin to compute.

“Holy shit…”

“I know, right?” The words hit Rafe like a slap. He blinks his blue eyes as few times, his head snapping to the left. His teammate stands next to him, his chin resting lazily on the butt of his stick, staring at the same figure skater with addled eyes.

Rafe exhales, realizing he’s been holding his breathe. He drags his hand through his hair, taking a deep breath. “Fuck, man. She’s somethin’ else, huh?”

JJ doesn’t respond, too consumed with watching you. Your body turns in the air–a triple toe loop–executing it flawlessly. Rafe looks back at you, feeling a strange mix of admiration and the sting of something else as he catches onto JJ’s mutual desire for you.

“No way she goes here–” JJ mumbles dreamily.

“Nah, I haven’t seen her around campus,” Rafe replies, his voice a little tighter now. He follows your movements on the ice, eyes scanning the sheet, knowing that you’d been stepping off any second. His pulse quickens; hands clammy inside his gloves.

The door swings open beside them, a few their teammates spilling onto the ice before you could even get off. They lose you in the crowd, looking around big bodies as they move toward the door themselves.

When the boys fan out of the ice the skater is gone. Rafe’s eyes scan the arena, catching JJ search as well, making him a little more frantic. “Who are you lookin’ for, bud?” Rafe snips, making JJ scoff in disgust.

“Nobody,” JJ answers, letting his lips curl in a smirk.

“You’re such a bitch, dude,” Rafe cracks disgustedly, shoving JJ against the boards.

“I’m bitch…” He points his gloved hand at his chest, cocking an eyebrow at Rafe. “Comin’ from you that means shit,” Maybank laughs as he shakes his head.

“The fuck does that mean?” Rafe asks as he slashes him tauntingly with his stick making JJ throw a punch, nailing him in his arm.

“You know exactly what that means–” JJ voice trails off as he watches you round the arch of the rink, walking toward the two of them, skimming through your phone. You look up, smiling at the two of them.

Rafe opens his mouth to speak but the words get lost somewhere between his brain and his tongue. JJ steps forward, tripping slightly off his own skate guard, muttering a rushed, “Uh, hey,” before Rafe could get a word in.

“Hi,” you giggle and tilt your head slightly in amusement, looking up at the two men in passing.

Rafe clears his throat, forcing himself to recover, catching your attention. You look over your shoulder, meeting his eyes again. “That was… Umm. What you were doing out there was amazing,” he praises.

“Yeah, seriously,” JJ adds a little louder, not to be outdone. “Olympic level, shit. You’re probably the best skater I’ve ever see.”

“Yeah,” Rafe’s eyes narrow on JJ before turning back to you. “I couldn’t do that if I tried.”

You cheeks warm up at their sweet words. You turn toward them, taking a step closer, making them both blush. “Thank you–” You drag out the word, hoping they’ll fill in the blank with their names.

The names come out in a jumbled mess as the two boys speak over the top of each other. JJ slaps Rafe in the gut with his glove annoyedly, his eyes still lock on yours.

“Rafe Cameron,” Rafe repeats himself with a smile.

“I’m JJ,” he jumps in. “JJ Maybank. And you are?”

You introduce yourself, the sounds of you name leaving your lips seemingly making the burly boys swoon. Rafe’s pulse quickens as he watches you smile up at the blonde. “Do you skate here often?” He asks.

“No,” you shake you head and smile “I go to Harvard… They didn’t have any ice time–”

“Harvard?” JJ asks.

“Mhmm… Just borrowing your ice—”

“You busy tomorrow, sweetheart,” Rafe asks, making your breath catch in your chest. JJ’s lips tighten, brows furrowing as he looks over at his teammate, frustrated with the forwardness he wished he had in the moment. “We have a game if you want to come. I can put some tickets aside for you.”

“Your game?”

“Yeah,” they both say at the same time, causing them both to roll their eyes in frustration.

“It’d be awesome to have you there,” JJ smiles as he turns back on the charm.

Their coaches whistle rips through the area, making them both tense up. “Cameron; Maybank. Ice, now!”

“I’ll think about it,” you smile as you adjust your bag on your shoulder, still smittened despite their awkward delivery. You walk away from the two of them, your figure skating skirt teasing them with each step. The two boys stand back in a daze, watching you until you fall out of sight.

[baocean]

queen street

chapter three - black leafs hat

masterlist | next chapter

839 likes

yourusername: din downtown

user: the tower 😍😍😍😍

user: ur so cool

palmermckenna: espresso martinis till i die

user: i’m so jealous toronto is so pretty

mollyrivers: nice jacket 😐

↳ yourusername: thx for letting me borrow it!

↳ mollyrivers: U STOLE IT FROM MY CLOSET

user: u and ur friends are so aesthetic

-

taglist - @judesgfirl @rafegetinmybed @bee-43 @haydee5010 @harrys-housewife @dr3amgrlll

[ghostiewriter]

omg i need a little smut or fluff from the risk au 👻👻

“Ow!”

“Stay still.”

“I am!” 

“You are literally about to fall off the toilet.”

“Bossy.” 

Kiara shot the boy a look before raising the antiseptic wipe to his face again, gently cleaning around the edges of the cut along his eyebrow. It had been a sneaky little puck and a very odd angle that resulted in the injury, and she knew without a doubt it probably hurt a lot more than the bruised cheek and busted lip he got from the brawl that occurred afterwards. 

But it was hard to have sympathy for the blond when he kept ripping his head away from her touch and pouting like a child. 

“Jay,” she let out a sigh of exasperation and the boy let out a whine. 

“It hurts!” 

Kiara blinked. “No shit, that’s the point.” 

JJ flashed her those puppy dog eyes that usually worked—emphasis on the usually. “Can’t you kiss it better or something?” 

“Yeah, cause nothing screams love like infecting a wound,” Kiara deadpanned before grabbing his chin in her free hand. “Stay still, I’m almost done.” 

“Do you think I’ll get a cool scar from this?” JJ asked because the blond was truly incapable of staying silent for less than thirty seconds, even if the cut on his lip was probably pulsing in pain. 

“You wish,” Kiara teased. 

“It would be kinda hot, no?” JJ murmured and wiggled his eyebrows, only to let out a small wince at the action. 

Kiara didn’t hold back her snort this time. “Yeah, real fucking sexy.” 

“You’re meant to be the doting and affectionate girlfriend who comforts me,” JJ whined like a child as his hands found the back of her thighs, keeping her locked in the position between his legs. “This isn’t doting or affectionate or comforting in the slightest.” 

Kiara’s eyes glimmered in amusement. “What is it then?” 

“Bullying,” he stated bluntly. 

“My poor baby,” she cooed softly as she leaned down to press a chaste kiss on the top of his head before moving to put away all the first aid supplies she had sprawled across the bathroom counter. 

“I know a few things that would really cheer me up,” he supplied as he leaned against the wall, watching her as she packed everything away. 

“You won the game, JJ,” she said like he could forget. 

“But I’m mourning the loss of my pretty face.” 

She turned to look at him over her shoulder. “Eh, still look pretty to me.” 

JJ’s grin was wild and primal. “Pretty enough to sit on?” 

“Nice try,” she laughed as she walked back towards him, taking his face in her hands and gently stroking the bruise on his cheek with her thumb. “You’re celibate until you’re better.” 

His eyes almost bulged out of his head. “What?!”

Kiara had the audacity to laugh at his expression. “Can’t push you too much, baby. What would the world say if I injured Harvard’s best player even more?” 

“I think your dad would be pretty happy,” JJ shrugged and quickly caught her hand before she could slap his shoulder, pressing a kiss to her palm. “Kidding.” 

“You’re hilarious, Maybank,” she murmured with a shake of her head. 

“You still fell in love with me regardless, baby,” the boy grinned, the action so boyish and adorable she couldn’t help but smile back. 

“Yeah, I did,” she said with a sigh. “C’mon, go get changed and I’ll get us some food. I wanna watch the next episode of Criminal Minds before Eli and Jo catch up.”

JJ watched her leave the bathroom with parted lips. “You didn’t wait for me to say I love you back!” 

“Oh please, my ego isn’t as fragile as yours, baby,” she called out from beyond the bathroom and the boy could only snort in response. “But I won’t stop you from saying it now.” 

“I love you, Kie!”

“I know!” 

“Minx,” he murmured under his breath with a laugh.

[honeysmoonn]

thinking abt my favorite fictional boyfriends as hockey players goodnight😘

[nottsangel]

˖ .♡ .˚⊹ ALL 11K CELEBRATION ASKS ⊹˚. ♡. ˖

a collection of the celebration asks i have done for my 11k celebration.

nav. // m.lists

— PORN LINKS

theo nott // vol. 2

fred weasley // vol. 2

george weasley // vol. 2

rafe cameron // vol. 2

jj maybank // vol. 2

sarah cameron // vol. 2

billy loomis // vol. 2

— BLURBS

RAFE CAMERON

teasing rafe with a lollipop

buying sexy costumes but rafe opens the package

rafe teasing and praising you while going down on you

rafe helping reader who has broken her leg

JJ MAYBANK

jj taking your virginity

enemies/fuck buddies with jj

— HEADCANONS

THEO NOTT

holiday season with theo nott

cleaning up hockey!theo nott

FRED WEASLEY

fred hearing you talk sexually in your sleep

RAFE CAMERON

protective rafe with anxious reader

feeling bad about rafe spoiling you

© nottsangel.tumblr 2024. do not copy, translate or claim any of my writing or works as your own.

[lovelyjj]

Hii okay wait hear me out you know Rachel and Ross when he finds out she likes him then he goes to the coffee house at end with the rain kiss reader and jj fic like that

The One with a Happy Ending

jj maybank x reader

wc: 2,078

a/n: thank you for requesting! hope this is alright

JJ was happy. He was carefree and content. He had a wonderful girlfriend, Jessica, who he loved. His relationship was thriving. Everything seemed to be going his way.

You on the other hand were miserable. Watching JJ with another girl was painful. You wanted to be with him more than anything. It was tearing you apart.

So, here you were on a date trying to get over JJ. You thought the date was a good idea but now that you were here it wasn’t going so good. All you could think about is how happy JJ was with his girlfriend.

“What does she have that I don’t?” You wondered out loud.

“I beg your pardon,” your date Nathan replied.

“I mean like I’m pretty right? I’m smart and have a good sense of humor.”

“I mean sure,” Nathan was confused.

“So, what’s wrong with me?” You asked.

“I don’t think anything is wrong with you,” Nathan was being nice.

“Well something must be wrong with me,” you sighed, “Never mind.”

“I’m sorry let’s talk about you,” you redirected the conversation.

“Ok well I just had a nasty breakup so sorry if i’m nervous I haven’t been on a date in a while,” he nervously chatted.

“Oh i’m sorry to hear that,” you replied.

“It’s fine.”

The waiter came with a glass of wine and you took it right away and started chugging it.

“Um cheers,” Nathan put forth.

“Right, clink.” You held your glass out towards his a little bit not close enough to actually clink the glasses.

Majority of the night you talked about JJ and his girlfriend. You didn’t even notice your date was annoyed. You also were drinking a lot of wine. You finished a whole bottle by yourself and you were getting drunker by the second.

“She does not deserve him,” you slurred.

“Any dessert for you two?” The waiter asked.

“No! No dessert, just the check… please,” Nathan loudly replied.

“Oh no. You’re not having fun are you?” You asked.

“No I am. Only because I’ve been playing last nights hockey game in my head over and over.”

“Oh, look at me. Look at me. Oh, I’m on a date with a really great guy and all I can think about is JJ and his Jessica,” you stated bitterly.

“I just want to get over him.”

“God, I just wanna, why can’t I do that?” you questioned.

“Look, I’ve been through a breakup. Trust me. You’re gonna be fine,” Nathan encouraged.

“You just can’t see it now because you haven’t had any closure,” Nathan continued.

“Oh. Closure. That’s what it is. That’s what I need. God you’re brilliant.”

“Why didn’t I think of that. How do I get that?”

“Well, there’s no, you know, one way, really. It’s just, you know whatever it takes so that you can finally say to him ”I’m over you.” Nathan explained.

“Over you,” you repeated.

“That’s what it is. Closure.”

“Can I borrow your cellphone?”

“Sure,” Nathan handed you his phone.

You dialed JJ’s number and got his answering machine. So you left a message.

“JJ, hi. It’s Y/N. I’m just calling to say that… um everything’s fine. And i’m really happy for you and Jessica. And I want you to know I am over you. I… am over… you. And that my friend is what they call “Closure.”

Then you hung up.

That’s the last thing you remember of your date. You don’t even know how you got home. It was safe to say you were wasted. You don’t think there is gonna be a second date.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

With a hangover you made your way to the château the next morning. You and the pogues had plans but JJ was the only one not going. He had a date with his girlfriend. You were in the kitchen taking some ibuprofen.

JJ saunters in, “Hey Y/N/N, how was the date?”

“Um it was good,” you lied.

“Well Jessica is picking me up for our date, I just came by to change,” JJ told you.

“Ok.”

“Wait did I talk to you last night?” you asked.

“Um no,” JJ responded.

“Why do I feel like I had a dream about you last night?”

“Oh I don’t know did you?”

“I don’t remember. Did you call me?”

“No I stayed at Jessica’s last night.”

“Actually I haven’t checked my messages lemme do that real quick.”

You got up to go to the living room when you herd JJ call out to you. “Hey Y/N, I got a message from you.”

You turned back around and entered the kitchen. “Oh my god.”

“Oh my god. No JJ. Hand up the phone. Gimme the phone gimme the phone.” You said as you rushed towards him.

“Gimme the phone gimme the phone,” you got on JJ’s back and threw his phone in the sink but it was too late.

“You’re over me?”

“Oh, God!” You got off JJ’s back and started walking towards the couch.

“You’re you’re over me?”

“Oh my god!”

“When… when were you… under me?”

“Y/N? Y/N, do you… I mean, were you, uh…”

“Uhh.”

“What?” JJ asked.

“Okay, Okay.”

“Well… basically, lately I’ve, uh… I’ve, uh, sort of had feelings for you.”

JJ felt his heart drop. He couldn’t believe his ears. He has liked you for so long but he was convinced you didn’t feel the same way so he moved on. And now he’s dating a really great girl and this couldn’t have been at a worse time.

“You’ve had feelings for me.” JJ repeated.

“Yeah? What? So? You had feelings for me first.”

“Whoa! Huh! You know about my.. I mean, you know I had.. you-you know?” JJ stuttered.

“John B told me.”

“John B. When did he, when did he, when did he?”

“When you first went out with Jessica.”

“Jessica, Jessica!” JJ remembered she was in the car waiting for him.

“That’s… oh, God.”

“Jessica Jessica. Right. Okay, I need to lie down.” JJ breathed.

“No, you know, I’m going to stand.”

“I’m going to stand and I’m going to walk.”

“Now you’re over me?” JJ asked.

“Are you over me?” you responded.

JJ’s phone started ringing. It was Jessica.

“Hi,” JJ answered.

“Hi honey i’m here.” You could hear her through the phone.

“I’ll be right there.” JJ replied.

“Wait So you’re going?”

“Well I have to.”

“Okay. Okay.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

The coffee shop you worked at was fairly small. It was a cute little place and you liked working there. It was raining and you were closing up shop. What you didn’t expect when you were closing was JJ to come in.

“What are you doing here?” you asked.

“I wanted to see you,” JJ responded.

“And you had no right to tell me you ever had feelings for me.” JJ angrily spat.

“What?”

“I was doing great with Jessica before I found out about you.”

“Hey, I was doing great before I found out about you. You think it’s easy for me to see you with Jessica?”

“Well, then, you should have said something before I met her!” JJ yelled.

“I didn’t know then. And how come you never said anything to me?”

“There was never a good time.”

“Right, because you only had a year and we only hung out every night.”

“I tried but there were always something in the way. The point is I don’t need this right now. Okay? It’s too late. I’m with somebody else. I’m happy. This ship has sailed.”

“Okay, so what you’re-you’re going to just put away feelings or whatever the hell it was that you felt?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay well you go ahead and you do that JJ.”

“Fine.” JJ walked out the door. You got up and you locked it. Then you sat down and started crying. When you were done crying you wiped your tears and stood up and saw JJ was at the window of the door.

You slowly unlocked and opened the door. You looked into JJ’s eyes and he looked at you with so much adoration it made you dizzy. Then JJ surged forward and his hands were on your waist in an instant.

JJ’s mouth landed on yours in a heated kiss. Your lips were devouring each other. The kiss was hungry yet tender. You were excited that JJ was kissing you. JJ was confident and eager. JJ nibbled down on your lower lip and then swiped his tongue over it to sooth it. Then your tongues danced together in a messy make out. His hands went from your waist to cradling your face. The rain in the background added to the ambience and you felt like you were floating.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

“JJ kissed me.” You excitedly shared.

“No!” Kiara put her hands over her mouth.

“Oh my god! oh my god! oh my god!” Sarah babbled.

“It was unbelievable,” you expressed.

“Oh my god! oh my god! oh my god!” Sarah exclaimed.

“Ok alright we wanna hear everything!” Kiara requested.

“Y/N, does this end well or do we need to get tissues?” Sarah asked.

“Oh, it ended very well.”

“Okay, alright. Let’s hear about the kiss. Was it like, was it like a soft brush against your lips or was it like a. you know “I got to have you now” kinda thing? Kiara spoke.

“Well first it was really intense and then we sorta just got lost in each other.”

“Oh.” Sarah and Kiara both sighed.

“Oh, so okay was he holding you or-or was his hands, like on your back, you know?” Kiara asked.

“No, actually, first they-they they started out on my waist and then, they slid up and then they were holding my face.”

“Oh.” Kiara and Sarah both responded.

When JJ was telling John B and Pope about the kiss he wasn’t that detailed.

“And then I kissed her.” JJ nodded.

“Tongue?” John B questioned.

“Yeah.”

“Cool.”

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

You were over the moon that JJ kissed you. You thought everything was fine and dandy until you saw him the next day. The six of you were at the château hanging out.

When JJ walked in Sarah said, “So how’d you make out last night?”

“That’s painfully funny. No that’s just painful.” JJ replied.

“Wait a minute. I thought last night was-was great.” Kiara pondered.

“Yeah, it was, but… I get home, okay? and I’m thinking to myself, “Oh, my God what the hell am I doing?” I mean, here I am, I’m with Jessica this incredible, great woman who I care about and-and who cares about me and I’m, like, “What, am I just gonna throw all that away?”

“Wait a minute this is Y/N we’re talking about here. You and Y/N.” Kiara countered.

“Trust me I’ve been dreaming about me and Y/N for a long time but I’m with Jessica now.”

You walked up the porch and opened the door and walked into the group of your friends in the living room.

“Y/N, Y/N.” JJ called.

“Hey, you.”

“How are you?” JJ asked.

“Good. How are you?”

“Good.”

“Hi honey,” Jessica says as she enters the room.

“Hi Jessica, Hi… Jessica. Um how are you?”

“Good.”

“Good. So everyone is here, everyone is good.” JJ confirmed.

To say it was awkward was an understatement. JJ was feeling very nervous and conflicted. He knew he had to choose and he knew that Jessica being here made you feel bad and he hated that. He knew he needed to make a decision soon.

☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆ ☆

JJ decided to break up with Jessica. It was horrible she cried even. But she wasn’t you so JJ knew it was a no brainer. He chose you.

JJ was with the guys on the beach. Then you and Sarah and Kiara walked up to them.

“Oh hi,” you said to JJ.

“I just got back from Jessica’s.”

“Oh,” you frowned.

“No It’s not like that, I broke up with her.”

“Wait really?”

“Really.”

“It’s always been you Y/N/N,” JJ explained.

“That’s good that’s so good.” You embraced JJ in a hug and then you kissed him out of pure happiness.

“You want to take a walk in the beach just us?” JJ asked.

“I’d love to.” You grinned.

So hand and hand you and JJ walked on the beach and all was right in the world because you two could finally be together.

[piastappies]

requests guidelines ⭐️

hello everyone! after a year (and a half?) i’ve finally got to myself to show all the things i could write for. it’s gonna be updated regularly as soon as i obsess over something new.

so . . .

i’m not sure if i’m a good person to write smut so… request if u want, but might take a long time before i post it! (i haven’t really written anything smut related so that might be bad)

please, if you request something, write a small blurb of what you’ll like to read!

i mainly write for a female reader with she/her pronouns and all that, but i’m up for gender neutral as well if you feel like it :)

i might add sth here if i think of it, but the most important part is who do i write for. bold stands for my favs, italics is like… second fav, i guess!

✩ harry potter — slytherin boys (theodore nott, mattheo riddle, lorenzo berkshire, draco malfoy + pansy parkinson and daphne greengrass), marauders (james potter, sirius black, remus lupin, regulus black, evan rosier, barty crouch jr.), golden era (harry potter, ron weasley, cedric diggory, weasley twins, ginny weasley).

✩ percy jackson — greek demigods (percy jackson, leo valdez, annabeth chase, luke castellan, grover underwood, hood brothers, clarisse la rue, piper mclean), roman demigods (frank zhang, jason grace, hazel lavasque).

✩ books — the inheritance games (jameson hawthorne, grayson hawthorne, xander hawthorne, avery kylie grambs, thea laughlin), a good girl’s guide to murder (pippa fitz-amobi, ravi singh), hockey boyfriends (nate hawkins, garret graham, john logan, dean di laurenti, john tucker, hunter davenport, henry turner, russ callaghan)

✩ miscellaneous series — jenny han universes (conrad fisher, peter kavinsky, kitty song covey, cam cameron, steven conklin, minho), criminal minds (spencer reid, aaron hotchner, jennifer jareau, derek morgan), outer banks (jj maybank, pope heyward, rafe cameron), my life with the walter boys (alex walter, cole walter, isaac garcia, kailey)

✩ anime — haikyuu (kageyama, tsukishima, osamu, atsumu, suna, oikawa, bokuto, akaashi, kuroo, kenma, semi + the rest😭).

✩ people i don’t know how to classify — zuko + sokka, steve harrington, matthew gray gubler, drew starkey, louis partridge, timothee chalamet, peter parker, nct members.

if you don’t see someone, just ask! there’s a high chance i just forgot about them xx

[featherandferns]

daylight - nine

jj maybank x fem!reader | part 9 of the daylight series | read part 8 here

content warnings: mentions of sex; mentions of alcohol

word count: 3.9k.

blurb: restless after the argument with JJ, you resort to looking through the journal you kept when you were dating Tyler. Maybe it's time to try and let the past go.

You can’t sleep.

Every time you close your eyes, you hear the argument between you and JJ echo in your mind. The horrible things you said to one another. The perfect avoidance of the truth, as if the two of you were reciting steps in a dance. The thought that everything between you might be ruined keeps you from finding rest.

Mimsy still hasn’t returned any of your calls. Never before have you felt the distance between the two of you to be so gaping. Vancouver feels like asylum that you can’t seek: it feels as unattainable as visiting heaven. You just want to be home, in your old bedroom, in your old bed, surrounded by your old friends. You want to go back to a time before JJ and before Kildare and, more importantly, before Tyler.

Tired of staring at the ceiling, you shove your sheets off and climb out of bed. Stretching, your eyes gravitate to your pin-board. JJ seems to shine brighter than everyone else, it's as if he's backlit. You're momentarily distracted by his radiant smile. By those eyes that could bring you to your knees; the very eyes that captured you before he’d even spoken a word your way. And now, when you see his face, all you can think of is that last conversation. You look away and, like a moth drawn to a flame, or a pirate guided by a siren’s call, your eyes latch on to the shoebox under your bed. 

Something inside of you has you sinking to your knees before it. You guide it out, holding the cardboard like it’s the fragile casing of a bomb. Sitting cross legged on your bedroom floor, you take the lid of the box and lift out the journal. A finger dusts over its worn cover and a solemn smile tries but fails to make its way onto your face. Your fingers crack the pages open. And then, you start to read. 

June 3

Me and Mimsy went to a kegger today. It was pretty boring and not many people were there. We mostly hung out with Kelly and Evan. I played some beer pong - I swear I’m getting better. I ended up talking to this guy called Tyler. He goes to the boys only school in the neighbourhood. He likes country music, which is icky as hell, and he’s a little lanky. I don’t think he likes me very much. We talked for a bit but he didn’t say much, and I felt like I was chewing his ear off, so I went back to Mimsy and decided to quit bothering him. He’s cute though, so it’s a shame. There’s this tenderness in his eyes. I don’t know, I guess I felt sorry when I looked in them. I feel like if he gets coaxed out and given the right space, he might be able to really open up. But if you don’t like someone, I guess you won’t jump at the chance, right? I probably won’t see him again anyway. We don’t really run in the same circles. 

June 17

Mimsy has the flu and I’m scared I’m going to catch it too. I have a photography gig in two days at the hockey club in town and I don’t want to miss it. I think it’ll be really good for the gram and maybe get me some more work opportunities. My post the other week got three thousand likes. How crazy is that? I think I need to get better at editing. That’s usually what sets people’s photography apart. 

June 19

So, the photography thing was today and it was a success! The team were really nice and the coach said he has this sister who’s throwing an anniversary get-together thing in a week or so. He asked if he could pass on my information. I finally feel like this might be something I can actually do, for money and for the long term. Mimsy’s feeling a bit better. I don’t think I’ve caught her bug so that’s a win. Tomorrow I’ll take her some soup and stuff. Oh! And that Tyler guy was at the hockey club too. Apparently he coaches the girls-only team. He was more chatty this time. The guys in the locker rooms had beers and they offered me one, so maybe he gets more talkative when he has a drink? Anyway, we talked for a while. He’s kind of dorky but it’s sweet. He’s a Marvel boy. How funny is that? I don’t think I’ve seen more than five Marvel films and this guy lives and breathes them. I ended up telling him how I thought he hated me when we first met and apparently he thought that I hated him! How funny is that!? He said he gets nervous talking to girls he likes, and when I walked away, he thought he’d messed up. It was really endearing. Long story short, I gave him my number. I think we’re going to hang out in a few days or something. 

June 26

Okay, don’t freak out but I think I’m actually really into Tyler? He’s really easy to talk to. I feel like I can say the most private stuff and he actually listens. We keep meeting up at Billy’s Bagels and talking for ages. He told me about this car crash he got into and I told him about the time me and Mimsy tried to go hitch-hiking and she was convinced we got in a serial killer’s car. He also leaves me these little notes on the receipts. Cute little things. But it’s so confusing, because he won’t make a move. Like, we’ll be sitting side by side and he won’t put a hand on my leg or pull me close. And he never tries to hold my hand. Hasn’t kissed me. Barely hugged me. It makes me wonder if I’m reading everything wrong. I’m just so tired of being the person who always makes the first move and I want him to just do something! I want to know if he feels the same way as me. 

June 28

I’m about to lose my fucking mind. I swear to God, I’m this close to being done with this whole thing. One minute, Tyler’s talking to me like crazy and making me laugh, and laughing at my jokes, and the next, he’s acting like he’s never seen me before in his life. I took Mimsy’s advice, the other night, and when we were walking back, I really dragged it out. And I stood there for ages, outside my house, waiting for him to make a move. We’d spent the whole day together. Got food, went surfing. Then he hugs me. He fucking hugs me. I was livid. I was absolutely furious. I just started walking to my house. And then, I have no idea why, I turned around and chased him down and grabbed him and kissed him. Okay, I basically ran away straight after, but I kissed him. So, great, right? Now we’re on the same page, surely? I mean, he kissed me back. Well, me and Mimsy go out the next day (now that she no longer feels like a corpse) and we walk past Tyler and his friend. I smile at him and wave and he walks straight past us. Mimsy - who said I was overthinking everything - was furious. I think she wanted to run across the road and rip his balls of his body in that moment, to be honest. All I could think about was how awful it felt. It was like last night never even happened. Did I assault him? I mean, did I read this whole thing wrong? He said he liked me, that’s why he was scared to talk to me, but then he fucking ignores me after I full-on kiss him!? I'm just so confused and losing my patience. I'm starting to wonder if it's worth all of this.

June 30

Mimsy tried to cheer me up by taking me to a kegger. Shock horror: Tyler was there. He came up to me about an hour in and asked if I wanted to go for a walk, so I said yes. We ended up at that lake near Molly’s house, and we were looking at the stars. I don’t really remember how or why we got there. Then, out of the blue, he apologised. I don’t think I’ve ever had a guy apologise to me before. He said he was an idiot for not kissing me the other day, and that he was just nervous and really wanted to. Then he kissed me, properly, and it was perfect. I’ve never felt that way before. I think he’s redeemed himself. I’m a little scared to tell Mimsy though…

July 19

Sorry I haven’t written in a while. I got busy. I’ve been spending a lot of time with Tyler, honestly. We’ve been getting to know each other better. He introduced me to his friends and his mom, who apparently really liked me. I’ve been subjected to so much fucking country music. He doesn’t really compliment me though and it’s a little bit upsetting, I can't lie. I like hearing that kind of thing. Like we went for dinner the other night and I made a bit of an effort and he didn’t call me pretty once. Maybe I’m overthinking it. He’s more of a physical affection guy, to be honest. But still. It would be nice to hear it every now and then. He can handle his drink really well though. In fact, he drank Mimsy under the table the other day which was quite funny. He gets all touchy feely when he’s drunk, it’s so cute. He told me that he’s never opened up to someone like he has with me before. Told me things that he’s never told anyone else. He told me about his ex-girlfriend and how she was crazy. I feel so bad for him, that he was in that kind of situation. He laughs at all my stupid jokes. He even told me that nobody else has made him laugh so much before. I don’t know, I get all mushy when he says things like that. I feel like I’m bringing him out of his shell. He said his anxiety is a lot better since he met me, so I guess whatever I’m doing, it’s helping. 

July 24

I slept with Tyler hehe. It was so perfect. He was so caring and kept asking if I was okay and stuff, and I brought up the whole compliment thing and he apologised. He’s so good at taking accountability for when he’s done wrong - it’s so refreshing. He told me I have the prettiest eyes he’s ever seen. I don’t know why that hit me so much. I just think you can tell so much about a person from their eyes. They never age. I'm scared a s fuck though because I really think I might be falling in love with him. Oh no.

August 8

I don’t really have tons to say. Mom and dad got in a big argument yesterday, so there’s that. Mimsy thinks they should just get divorced. It feels weird, thinking about your parents getting divorced. The whole two Christmases and two birthday thing. I don't know, maybe she’s right. They basically hate each other. Dad keeps bringing up North Carolina and how great everything is there. How his life was so much better. Charming, really, when I’ve spent my whole life in Vancouver with him. Really makes you feel special. Tyler’s been kind of busy lately. I keep wanting to go on dates but he just wants to stay in. He told me he doesn’t like PDA. It makes him feel weird. I want to hold his hand but I feel bad. I mean, I don’t want to make him uncomfortable. Besides, I get to touch him all I want when we’re at home together, so who really cares? 

October 14

Tyler hasn’t called me pretty in over a month. I told him and he apologised. He still hasn’t called me pretty. I miss how it was in the summer. It feels like he’s retreating into himself. I don’t know what’s happening. Why everything is changing? What did I do wrong? I didn't change, did I? 

November 19

I think I was overthinking it all lately. Tyler just invited me to join him and his family at Christmas on Victoria Island. He left me a little note, too, after he stayed at my house. It was really cute. It said, ‘I miss stargazing with you in the summer’. Mimsy says that maybe I need to clarify a few things with him. Set some more boundaries. He always talks about those girls on the hockey team he coaches, and whenever girls come up to him when he’s out with his friends. I like that he trusts me and wants to tell me these things, but also, if I trust him, why does he feel the need to tell me? It feels like he’s dangling it in my face almost. I don’t know, I’m probably thinking about it all wrong. I don’t know if I’ve got a stomach bug. My IBS has been crazy bad lately. It’s so annoying. 

December 6

I don’t think I’m happy with Tyler anymore. It’s like he’s a completely different person. I hardly even recognise him. We don’t really talk anymore like we used to. He says he’s really busy with school and coaching. I'm throwing myself into photography jobs to try and keep myself busy or else I just spiral. I don't want to tell Mimsy because I know what her advice will be. And I'm just not ready to face that yet.  

December 26

I leave for Victoria Island today. I’m meeting Tyler at the ferry station. He asked where I wanted to meet and I left it up to him at first. I mean, the obvious answer is the ferry station. That’s romantic. He can come pick me up. But he said, ‘whatever you prefer’ so I felt like I was putting him out by asking him to meet me at the ferry station. I don’t know. I just don’t even know if he wants me to go anymore. He hasn’t said. He hasn’t even said if he’s excited to see me. It’s an awful feeling, when you feel like someone doesn’t care if you’re there or not. Maybe it’ll be different when I see him in person. It’s been over a week since I last saw him and we haven’t been able to talk on the phone. I don’t know. Maybe I’m just kidding myself. I just think if I’m painfully honest with myself, I don’t want to go to Victoria anymore. 

December 27

I think it's over. 

December 29

I don’t even know what happened. I don’t know how to explain it but I feel like I need to get it all out on paper and just walk away from it forever. I think that’s the only way I can even start to make sense of the last six months. It was awful. I fucking hate him and I’m so fucking confused. Jesus, I have been for the past four months. 

Tyler didn’t hug me or kiss me when I got off the ferry, but I guess because he doesn’t like PDA that’s a given. He didn’t introduce me to any of his extended family and left me to fend for myself in conversations. When we first got to the cabin, he sat on the bed and scrolled on his phone with his back facing me for an hour. A fucking hour. Then he went on Duolingo and checked the fucking hockey scores. And I just sat there for an hour after paying for a ferry ticket. Oh, yeah, cause he didn’t pay for any of my travel. When I said I was hungry and was going to get food, he came with me and got himself something. Again, didn’t pay for me. We got his favourite take out. It’s always things he wants to do. I told him I needed a nap and went to my room, and I called Mimsy who was equally as angry. I mean, why the fuck did he call me out there? I’ve never felt so disrespected, so unwanted, in my life. It’s fucking awful. Tyler texted me to meet him and I told him I wanted to stay in. He asked if I was okay and I told him I was angry, and he came to my room. And he was so fucking calm and collected it made me feel like I was overthinking it. Like I was the one blowing everything out of proportion. I told him about how I felt like I wasn’t wanted and he told me that I was. He just said it was weird seeing me in person again. It had been a fucking week. We went out with his family and I put on a brave face, and the whole time he barely spoke to me. Didn’t look at me, didn’t hold my hand, didn’t take a picture of me or of us. I hated it. When I got back to my room, he came over and laid down on the bed. And I told him I was so confused. He just nodded. And he was back to old Tyler. Chatty, familiar Tyler who makes jokes with me and compliments me. He told me how beautiful I was and how pretty my eyes are and all I could think was how he hadn’t said any of that for two whole months. How for two months I felt like I had no idea what was happening. And it made me weak. I hate myself for it but I let him kiss me. We made out and cuddled and it felt like old times, and I finally felt normal again. And then we fell asleep, woke up, and he was back to how he was the day before. Distant and cold and confusing. I think that was when I decided that maybe it was time to leave. 

When we slept together that night, it felt like he almost knew what was going to happen. All of it felt like a goodbye. I tried to enjoy it and feel close to him but I just felt so far away. Afterwards, he didn’t hold me. He didn’t cuddle me when we slept and the next morning, he barely looked at me. He just went on his phone when all I wanted was to be held. That’s all I’ve ever wanted from him, to feel held by him, and he’s never made me feel like I was. I mean, I feel more love from Mimsy than him. How fucked is that.

He walked me to the ferry station and I was wondering what to do. What to say. Whether to confront him and see if I could start a fight. Jesus, anything would do. And for whatever fucking reason, I went for the hail Mary, I guess you could say. I stood there, like the fucking idiot I am, and I told him I loved him. And you know what he said? Nothing.

He said absolutely nothing. 

Then he just nodded - like the useless asshole he is - and told me, get ready for this one, that his ‘family thought I was really nice’. 

I don’t even remember what I did then. All I can remember is sitting on the ferry and texting Mimsy, asking her to pick me up from the ferry station. 

I just don’t understand. I don’t understand why this happened, or how, or who he was. He apologised the next day. What for, I don’t even know anymore. Maybe all of it? But all I can remember thinking, when I read that text, was how I just knew he didn’t mean it. It was fucking Pavlovian by that point: he would know I was upset and apologise, and I’d forgive him and believe that he might change, and we’d carry on. What's the Taylor Swift lyric? You're an expert at sorry? That's him in a nutshell.

You want to know the real kicker? When I told him that I wanted to break up, he told me he didn’t know we were even together like that. So, I ask you again: who the fuck was he? I don’t think I’m ever gonna know. 

January 1

Happy new year. I think Tyler’s blocked me. 

February 9

Mimsy just heard from Darren P that Tyler has a new girlfriend. I think I’m going to throw up. I can’t do this anymore. I just want to forget about all of it but I keep thinking of all the little things that I ignored. All the signs from the start. How it took him to be drunk to even acknowledge that I existed. How it was always on his terms. What he wanted to do. What he needed from me. I wish I never slept with him. I wish he never touched my body. It makes me feel sick that I let him sleep with me that last night. I just feel so fucking used and dirty. Mimsy says it wasn’t my fault but I can’t shake this guilt for not leaving sooner, because the signs were always there. I mean, I thought he hated me. Why the fuck didn’t I walk away sooner?

I thought he hated me. 

That’s the final entry. 

You sit and stare at the barely filled page and then snap the book closed as if you just read how the world is going to end.

The condensing of the turbulent six months you spent with Tyler in a handful of diary entries fails to capture the mass of anxiety, paranoia and pain. The restless nights that you remedied by sprinting at the gym. The meals you skipped because you felt sick to your stomach. The parties ruined when you ended them in alcohol-provoked tears, sobbing to Mimsy about how things felt ‘off’ with you and Tyler. The humiliation you felt throughout the holidays and the disgust that lingered after your final night together. The shame that haunted you for letting yourself do all of that, feel all of that, lose all of that, to some fucking deadbeat guy. 

Because that was what it all came down to. It came down to the fact that you let yourself sit there and take it. That because you felt pity for him, and saw potential, you stayed and fought and tried. God, you tried so hard to mould him into the man you thought he could be without looking at his credentials. And now, on the other side of the continent, several months past the whole affair, you finally realise what it was. 

You fell in love with the idea of Tyler, not Tyler himself. 

It's like the revelation hits you in the head like a hammer. Resets your thoughts. Grabbing the box of things, you head down the stairs. It feels as though you’re not in control of your body. Unlocking the back door, you head into the yard. Ditch the box so you can set up the bonfire, igniting it with the lighter JJ gave you. 

You’re breathing heavily as you stare at the flames. It’s like you’ve been boxing in a ring. You guess, in a way, you have. But you’re tired of battling with the past. Fighting against the memories only to get knocked down, again and again. Wounding you so badly that you can’t face the fact that maybe someone might actually care about you, just as much as you care about them. That maybe you can trust someone. 

When you burn the first photo, you feel a little insane. You never much believed in any of the mindfulness crap Instagram wellness influencers preached. The writing-regrets-on-a-plate-and-smashing-it-up type things. But as you stand, burning the memories of Tyler - anything that reminds you of him, anything that he gave you, anything that he took - you feel like you’re coming back to yourself, piece by piece. Watching the embers lick up his face, crackling until its nothing but ashes and indistinguishable remnants feels like healing, plain and simple.  

The only thing that’s left now is the diary. You hold it in your hands like it’s a first-edition copy of the first book ever written. It feels like the manuscript, encapsulating the entire torrid affair of you and Tyler. The final artefact of your silently toxic relationship, keeping you tethered to your past trauma. Swallowing, you toss it into the metal canister. When you open them again, you see the flames already laying claim to the pages. 

And finally, for the first time, the story feels as though it isn’t yours anymore.

For the first time in months, you feel free.

read part ten here!

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