#hobbity holes

[creativewyrdo]

I have the absolute desire to dress in hobbity style clothes, but all my clothes are coloured like the sky and not the earth. I need more Moss colours in my life right now.

[hometoursandotherstuff]

I can't believe that this 1979 estate in Laguna Niguel, CA hasn't sold. It's been years since I posted it and loved it. The record shows that it goes on the market, doesn't sell, so they take it off, then the next year, the same thing. On and off the market. 7bds, 10ba, $5.205M. You gotta see this.

The cozy area near the kitchen: A maximalist's dream- note the little roof on the fish tank.

This is a small downstairs kitchen, for entertaining. It's a very open space with a professional stove and colorful turquoise cabinet drawers.

Next to the kitchen is a dining area plus your own pub, with a balcony above. I'd say the owner's name is McBride, so the buyers would put their own name on it.

Look at the inside, it's a real pub.

Bedroom behind the pub.

The bath has a gold toilet. Look at the art hanging in the shower. Must be waterproof.

The guest powder room on this floor.

Now, let's go upstairs to the main living area.

Under the stairs there are little hobbity cabinets.

You could make little displays or dioramas in there and there's a little dining area in the corner.

Looking back down at the ground floor.

Up here is the main living/dining room area.

Interesting, isn't it?

And, this is the main kitchen up here, which is pretty big, with lots of cabinets.

There is also a library/gallery.

The primary bedroom is spacious, but it's loaded with stuff, so it's hard to tell.

The en-suite bath is so big, look at the sink and vanity. One must wonder, though, why there's a mirrored ceiling over the toilet.

Here's another sitting area. It would be a nice game room.

Another bath has stained glass windows.

The grounds are amazing and there's a koi pond under the footbridge.

Very large pool surrounded by natural stone and trees.

The property is on a .44 lot that is on the 10th hole of the El Niguel private golf course.

If I had $5M, I'd buy it.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/30752-Paseo-Del-Niguel-Laguna-Niguel-CA-92677/25575754_zpid/

[goldfarthing]

https://www.etsy.com/listing/1488042590/

A customisable blank A6 greeting card featuring my original hobbit hole watercolour painting on the front.

A deep red door, a softly glowing lamp, and a messy garden – printed on 100% recycled kraft card for a rustic effect. The perfect gift for book and fantasy lovers, whatever the occasion! A6 brown kraft envelope included.

You can also choose to have a custom message handwritten inside in hobbity lettering. Just drop your message in the customisation box, and my trusty pen and I will do the rest! Look through the photos to see an example.

Want me to send the filled-in card directly to the recipient? Pop their address in the delivery address section, and remember to mark your order as a gift! I'll seal the envelope, write the recipient name on it, and post it directly to their address (inside a second, board-backed envelope so it doesn't bend in the mail).

Dimensions: A6 (148.5 x 105 mm) when folded. 300 gsm. Landscape.

Materials: Kraft paper made with 100% recycled fibre. Acid & Chlorine Free. Biodegradable.

Envelope made of brown kraft paper.

[grandmawitch]

hey, can you please summarize the hobbit for me?

Okay let me spin you this yarn 🧶

Once upon a time there was a wee hobbit named Bilbo who lived in a hole in the ground—not a dirty wet hole, mind, but a cozy warm…this sounds…ANYWAY—he was v good with his cozy, peaceful, predictable life but perhaps deep down he was restless and ✨yearning✨ for something. Not enough to make him seek adventure or change but he was somehow just sliiightly not like the other hobs.

One day a wizard, Gandalf, shows up and Bilbo is compelled by hobbity protocol to be a good host, despite his misgivings. Gandalf eventually convinces him to accompany a (perhaps not so merry) band of 13 dwarves as their burglar on a heist. Bilbo is afraid to leave his comfy life and the dwarves are like WHAT, THIS GUY?! But eventually everyone is convinced and off they trot.

They run into I think three trolls who want to eat them, but the trolls are tricked into turning to stone in the sunrise. They have a hoard of traysure nearby and here Bilbo finds the elven dagger that will soon be known as Sting.

The troop carries on, and eventually they reach Rivendell and consult with Elrond.

Soon after they set out from Rivendell a snowstorm hits and they seek shelter in a cave. From whence they are promptly yoinked by goblins. Gandalf finds the group to rescue them and he’s like “guys. Where is Bilbo.” And they’re like 🤷🏻‍♀️ we literally didn’t notice idk

Meanwhile Bilbo is beebopping around some tunnels, lost as hell. Eventually he comes uponst a golden ring and pops it in his pocket. THEN he comes uponst Gollum who is like, “oh lunch?” but he cheats at a riddle contest and gets away.

After they all regroup a bunch of WARGS are set uponst them. They are rescued by the eagles (why did the eagles help here and not in LotR? In this essay I will—) and aided by Beorn (the love of my life?)who can turn into a bear and helps them recoup & regroup.

They head out again into Mirkwood, riiiiiight into a bunch of big fuckin spiders. The dwarves are captured by the spiders and Bilbo uses the ring to become invisible and sword ‘em to death. One of the spiders says “it’s got a stinger!” Or something like that and thus Sting is named.

THEN they’re immediately captured by wood elves.  Bilbo helps them escape again by using the ring, and stuffing them into barrels to float them down the river. 

They arrive in Lake Town in the shadow of the Lonely Mountain, their destination.

The people of Lake Town are like “hey plz do not piss off the giant dragon Smaug sleeping up there” and Bilbo is like “u got it” and immediately pisses him off. He sneaks in, chats up the dragon, steals a traysure, and sends Smaug into a rage. Smaug burns Lake Town to cinders but a little birdy tells Bard the human archer about Smaug’s weak point and he is slain.

Meanwhile the dwarves have entered the mountain and Thorin, the leader of the company, immediately gets the gold crazies (real greedy) and refuses the very reasonable request of aid the ppl of lake town make about the entire town they got burnt up.

So now the humans are pissed, the elves are pissed, and they’re like OPEN UP AND CATCH THESE HANDS but then also the goblins and wargs they also pissed off show up and the humans and elves are like GREAT NOW WE HAVE TO BAND TOGETHER ABOUT THESE GOBLINS AND WARGS. Even reluctantly joining forces isn’t enough though and the goblins are winning the battle but then the Eagles and Beorn show up and the war is won. (deep breath The Eagles help here BECAUSE according to the Unfinished Tales, Gandalf needs a stronghold of Good in the North in case of eventual attacks from Sauron in the South in the event he is not defeated AND bc they are sort of written as a sort of divine intervention adjacent type of situation when someone is likely to martyr themselves but the Maiar can’t/won’t intervene bc of that time they sunk an entire continent into the ocean AND they don’t risk open war AND in this case they were protecting their nesting lands).

Gandalf drops Bilbo, now very wealthy and well-traveled, off in Hobbiton where he is now an outcast in Hobbit society but he isn’t really assed about it. He loves the comforts of his home and decides to write down all of his adventures.

I never get to talk about this stuff at length, thank you for the opportunity! 💕

[kikiskitchenwitchery]

I did reading for the day and I am so confused by what the cards thought they were saying to me. I got the Hermit in reverse (which tells me I should break out of the shell and be a little less "hermity") followed by the two of cups (love and romance and partnership) following by the 9 of swords (misery and loss). Are the cards telling me to stay in my little hobbity hermity hole? I have no desire to date again. So I can't imagine a scenario where I am seeking romance. I will say that it has been ages since the cards have told me that clear a story in so little words.

[playingforpix]

This house in Tel Aruhn reminds me so much of Bag End from the Hobbit.

[hobbitkin-journey]

Hi :) do u have any song recommendations to help feel more hobbity? I listen to ambiances on youtube (stuff with nature sounds, etc.), but some music would be nice :) If u don't answer questions like these, I understand!

I don’t mind at all, no need to worry your sweet head. I completely understand where you are coming from, so I made a list that I personally listen to. However, I do recommend going through playlists online and picking out songs that resonate with you. When I did this, I realized a lot of others had a different view of what songs helped them feel more like their hobbit selves than I do; this is perfectly okay! Music is personal, and what resonates with others, might not resonate with you.  

* = songs that heavily resonate with me, personally

Instrumental:

Howard Shore - Flaming Red Hair *

Howard Shore - The Shire *

Howard Shore - Concerning Hobbits *

Joe Hisaishi - Merry Go Round of Life

Mikolai Stroinski - Spikeroog

Adam Skorupa - A Watering Hole in the Harbor *

Paweł Błaszczak - Tavern at the End of the World

Alexandre Desplat - Mr. Fox in the Fields

The Super Guitar Bros - Fairy Fountain

Vocal:

Cereus Bright - Stella

The Lumineers - Ophelia

The Oh Hellos - The Valley

The Oh Hellos - Soldier, Poet, King *

The Paper Kites - Willow Tree March

Vashti Bunyan - Diamond Day *

Bear McCreary - An Fhideag Airgid

Note: Billy Boyd has done fantastic work for the trilogies (The Last Goodbye/Edge of Night), but those make me more emotional than they make me feel hobbit-like. However, it might be different for you, so I do suggest sifting through his music! 

[shipsicle]

It is Yuletide in Hobbiton and Thorin and Bilbo return to Bag End after their extensive rounds of visiting the neighbouring hobbit holes. Their wassail bowl is almost empty and it is only just enough to quietly wish each other another year of good health, before they join the celebrations inside.

Here’s my other Happy Hobbit Holiday 2019 gift "Waes Hael" for snowmissus on A03 <3

Go check out the other hobbity goodness over on A03! You can also find my second HHH19 gift here on tumblr ;)

[nadjadoll]

@noonvvraith tagged me to use this picrew to make myself a little terrarium~

That fat little cat is me surrounded by all the books I haven't read yet in my Hobbity hole

tagging: everyone!

[yellowpeach]

3, 4 & 26

thank you bestie!!! <3

3. what's your favourite candle scent?

warm and happy home by yankee candle is the only one that i have repurchased. i like sweet, baking-like scents and that one is very cinnamon-y and cozy. i also like fruity scents and have a white peach candle on the go at the moment <3

4. what flower do you like to be given?

um literally any of them? my favourites are sunflowers and roses. i avoid lilies though because of cat.

26. what movie would you want to live in?

about time, i think. if it meant i could travel in time within my own life and relive experiences. otherwise maybe end of return of the king, so i could live a chill hobbity lifestyle and just eat when i wanted and live in a hobbit hole.

[moosefrog]

So far today I have learned:

wombats have cube-shaped poo (I actually knew this already)

wombats fluffy butts hide bone shields and their butts are their best defence

Tasmanian devils are the screechiest most aggressive fat little sausages

Tasmanian devils are basically sausagey rage machines

koalas aren’t actually stoned all of the time, they just sleep 21 out of 24 hours a day (I am not exaggerating) due to the poor nutritional value of the leaves they eat (think... pandas. They have the same problem.)

koalas do get chlamydia. They did not get it from human-koala sexy times

wombats live in holes in the ground and seemed very hobbity to me, Tasmanian devils could be dwarves, and koalas are elves

In other words, my parents and I have watched a lot of animal documentaries on Netflix today. XD

[sapphireswimming]

For Every Lock (a superfalls fic)

... there must be a key

Dipper and Mabel, post show. No spoilers for Supernatural. 1.5k (on fanfiction)

for @mabel-but-slytherin ‘s birthday!!!

“Ugh, Mabel, I really don’t think—”

“Oh come on, Dipper,” Mabel exclaimed, turning around and throwing her hands in the air.

“No, no,” he continued, trying to poke his way out from between two hoary branches, fighting through paths his sister had jumped over effortlessly. “I don’t think that this is a good—”

She blew raspberries at him.

“I don’t think this is a good idea,” he panted, finally extricating his ankle from some tangled roots. “Look, I don’t think this is the way back to our campground.”

“Suuuuure it is,” Mabel said.

Her hair looked like a bird’s nest, between all of the sticks and leaves poking out of it, but Dipper didn’t point this out. She’d only think that it was more reason to stay out here. She’d probably refuse to even enter their tent until a bird graced her hair with its presence.

“No, Mabel,” Dipper said, pulling out his compass again. “North is that way,” he pointed, “and we’ve been walking west ever since we crossed that river. We need to head back over to—”

“Oh, where’s your sense of adventure, bro-bro?”

“You know,” he said, peering between the trees, “you’d think that I’d have lost all sense of adventure when we were twelve and almost destroyed the world. You know, Weirdmaggedon, apocalypses, rifts between dimensions, any of that ring a bell?”

“Pssh,” Mabel flapped a hand. “Stop living in the past, Dipper! We’re all old and grown up now.”

“We’re only nineteen, Mabel… still technically teenagers. We can’t even legally buy a drink.”

“Doesn’t stop Grunkle Ford from giving you some every time we visit them.”

“That’s not the point,” Dipper deflected quickly. “Besides, no matter how old we get, I don’t think you’re ever gonna be grown up.”

“You got that right!” Mabel grinned. “Which means that I’m going this way!” she raised her hands into the air and sprinted through the rest of the trees to where the grass began and flopped down on the ground. After extending her arms for full excitement potential, she hurled herself to the side, and began rolling down the hill that Dipper realized they were standing on top of, gaining momentum as she went.

“WHEEEEEEEEEEE!”

“Oh come on,” Dipper facepalmed, but as he looked up, he realized that there was a break in the slope and she was headed right for a drop.

He yelled his warning at the same moment Mabel went into freefall.

The tone of her scream didn’t change one bit, but then there was a decided thud.

Dipper called out, “Mabel?”

And there was silence.

“Mabel?” he asked, worry filling his voice as he began scrambling down after her. “Mabel!”

He was going as quickly as he could while avoiding the fate of his twin, and realized that he needed to go around either side of the hill in order to avoid the dropoff.

As he rounded the bottom of the hill and came out onto dusty gravel, he found that it wasn’t a ditch at all, but a manmade structure built into the hill.

He rushed over to Mabel, who was sitting up and spitting leaves out of her mouth and loudly blowing the hair out of her face.

“Bleh. Brown leaves taste gross,” she declared.

“Mabel, are you okay?” Dipper asked, reaching down to help her up.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” she said, brushing dirt off of her goldenrod Sasquatch sweater and straightening the skirt over her jeans. “But what was that?” she asked.

“Looks like some kind of air raid shelter? Or a really secure cellar or something…” he looked around, trying to gather clues about the age and purpose of the place from its barren architectural features.

She screeched. “Ahhhhhh, Dipper, it’s a little hobbity hole!” she exclaimed, eyes shining in delight. “We have to check it out!”

And she ran up the steps to the metal door only to discover that it was locked.

“Oh, well,” Dipper said. “I guess it’s time to head back, then.” He looked up at the darkening sky and frowned. The sun was already starting to go down and they were easily a few hours away from their campsite, with the way their return trip had gone thus far. He sighed.

“No, we have to go in!” Mabel said, trying to pull open the door while standing in more and more incredulous positions as the seconds passed.

“Uh, no,” Dipper countered. “We need to go back to camp. It’s already—”

“Well, okay,” Mabel said, turning with one hand on her hip. “It’s going to be dark soon, right?”

Dipper paused at her sudden switch to seriousness. “Yes?” he asked, almost warily.

“So we probably won’t get back to camp tonight anyway, but we need a safe place to spend the night without all of our camping gear. This is our best bet!” she said, brightly.

“What do you mean, this is out best bet? The place is locked.

She tilted her head. “You have the presidential key, dumb-dumb,” she said. “Or do you just wear that for show?”

“I—“ he stuttered. “What? I mean, yeah, okay, but—”

“But,” she said slowly, “it opens any door.”

Dipper sputtered. “But I can’t just use it to break into places!”

“Dipper,” she said, “that’s exactly how you’re supposed to use it! It unlocks locked doors!”

He glanced at the bunker with its heavy metal door and its dull bricks. “It’s probably full of spiders and stuff.”

“Spiders are your friends, Dipper!” Mabel said. “They eat all the really icky stuff...”

“Or, it could belong to someone. And we would be trespassing.”

“Well, then they would be happy to let two poor lost hungry teenagers take shelter for the night,” Mabel argued. “Do it,” she urged, striking up a chanting pose. “Presidential key! Presidential key!”

Dipper sighed and reached into his vest to pull the cord out from around his neck. “Fine,” he rolled his eyes as Mabel continued chanting.

The key slid into the keyhole. Even after all of these years, Dipper still wasn’t sure how it was able to fit into any size lock, but it did, and after a minute of huffing and puffing, it finally turned in the rusty lock, opening it with a click.

The door swung in a few inches and Dipper pushed it open the rest of the way with a creak. He fumbled in his pocket for a flashlight and clicked it on. Mabel followed suit, but outlined smiley faces into the darkness around his steady beam.

It was a large room, and seemed to open up below them, but neither could see much without going inside.

Dipper put one foot over the threshold and looked uneasily back at Mabel. “Are you sure about this?” he asked, still ready to turn around and start the long trek back to their tent.

She shrugged. “I mean we’re already here. And it’s gonna be a long walk back. Might as well check it out,” she said. “They may have beds!”

He shook his head, but didn’t feel like arguing the point. So he moved further inside and carefully began picking his way across the floor toward what he thought were some stairs.

He’d only gotten a few feet before the lights flared to life around him. He screamed and dropped his flashlight, which clattered down the stairs.

Mabel was laughing behind him, one of her loud laughs that devolved into snorting, but once he recovered from his fright enough to get a good look around him, he didn’t even mind.

The place was huge and well furnished. There were what looked like old WWII-era computer banks and tactical maps, but there was comfortably solid wooden furniture that kept it from looking like a bomb shelter.

And through the large open doorway, he caught sight of shelves and shelves of books—things that he knew would discuss topics that even he had never dreamed of.

His squeal was of delight this time, and he pelted down the stairs without a second thought.

Mabel followed more slowly, and recovered the fall flashlight for him since he was already lost to the library, head turned on its side as he scanned the titles on the spines.

“When Wendigos Walk,” he read off. “Ye New Booke of Mynsters, published in 1598? Mabel!” he spazzed.

“Oh look, the Wonderful Wizard of Oz!” she beamed.

“Mabel, Mabel, Mabel!” he said, shaking her by the arm. “This is the coolest. place. ever!”

[feanory]

Uranus, Deneb, Arcturus, Orion, Hydra, Asteroid and Black Hole :D

Uranus: What’s your hobby? - At the moment it’s costumemaking

Deneb: Have you ever been out of your home country? - Yes, many times

Arcturus: Have you cried out of something other than sadness? - I cry at every tv show for no reason at all so yes

Orion: Favourite month? - February?

Hydra: Favourite sound? - Every noise Matt Bellamy’s guitar makes

Asteroid: What does your dream life look like? - Very hobbity I imagine

Black Hole: What’s the last thing you want to see? - I have no idea sorry

[erosofthepen]

Okay, sorry i forgot to include the lotr ship @tolkien-fantasy​!

You and Sam would go together so well.

Okay, so he’s super gentle and sweet with you. Completely loyal and steadfast, you two were probably friends for a while before he worked up the courage to court you. He finds you adorable! He thinks you’re so precious, and loves all the jewelry you create, and would be absolutely beside himself if you made something for him! In return, he’d pick you the finest flowers in the whole of the shire, and create the most wonderful bouquet for you.

He knows that anxiety and illness is no joke, but he’s the best caretaker ever. He had a lot of experience with Frodo during lotr, so he knows how to help. He will 100% make you a lot of delicious food when you’re in need of comfort, and will hold you in the warmest hug ever. He’s sweet like that.

The poor hobbit might be a bit confused about your worship of gods, but is very respectful nonetheless. In his mind, he’ll probably compare the gods to elves, and will refer to them as such. “So Mr. Þor’s the god of war and fertility?” And then proceeds to ask dozens of questions, all of which you are happy to answer. He’s a great person to explain things too, since he never runs of of curious questions.

He’d think your glasses are really cool. No joke, he’d just find them neat.

He always looks up at you in admiration, because 4’11? He’d be so proud to have the tallest wife in the whole shire, and would love it if you picked him up and gave him piggy back rides. He very much enjoys having a tall wife.

Sam’s a gardener, so he’s pretty dirty himself at the end of the day. The difference is, he never fails to wash-up, and insists that you do as well. “Come now Tori, it’s much nicer to wash-up before dinner!” But he never gets too overbearing. Unless you come in the hobbit-hole covered in mud from being in the rain all day. Then he’d summon every ounce of hobbity strength he has, throw you over his shoulder, and drag you to the washroom. He acts all stern and motherly about it, and it makes you laugh so much.

He loves all the music you listen to as well, and surprisingly has a strong attachment to rock-and-roll. Catch him listening to Queen on repeat, and trying to compose his own rock-and-roll song made just for you. He’s sweet like that.

Hi hun! This is for the Matchup Request thing!!

🗡️ 18yo GNC Woman // Bisexual // Autistic and Chronically Ill. I'm fine being shipped with any gender, but I tend to like Men more since I make friends with them more easily than with girls

🗡️ Idk if this has any relevance, but I'm an Aquarius, INFJ, 4w5 Hufflepuff. That means I'm very unique and philosophical, idealistic but scientific in my approach to things. I have a soft but strong presence.

🗡️ I really love/relate to characters who are sad, scruffy men who pine romantically after someone and have pretty hair. Aragorn, Caleb Widogast, Jonathan Sims, Hozier, I see myself in these people and really love them a lot.

🗡️ I am INCREDIBLY existential, and I love Indie, Folk and Rock & Roll Music. I also play a lot of Dungeons and Dragons, and when I get comfortable enough to joke with someone (which may take awhile) I can be very raunchy and witty. I'm Hyperempathetic so I really hate seeing people upset, and I have a pretty bad anxiety disorder too.

🗡️ I love horses, folk art, armor and anything that has "Moomins Vibes" and is really folklore or nature-oriented. I write for a living, and I dream of becoming a craftsman who makes Lotr and Mythology-themed Jewelry, Weapons and maybe even Armor or Motorcyles one day. I also love Mythology, especially the deities, and actually worship a few of them too

🗡️ I am very short, only 4' 11" tall (149.86 cm) with a messy mane of brown hair, light blue eyes, crooked glasses, and pale skin that's littered with scabs, moles and bruises. My hair used to be blonde when I was younger, so it looks honey-colored in sunlight, and I never learned how to braid so I usually just put it in a ponytail or leave it loose and messy.

🗡️ I’m basically like a tiny, less-impressive Aragorn. I love travelling on foot, getting messy outside, I’m kind of a Horse Girl ngl, I’ve always wanted to be a knight or king of some sort, chances are that I haven’t bathed in awhile, and I too would pine for a hot elf girl for literal years on end.

Sorry that description is so long, I hope you don't mind!! Thanks so much in advance hun!!

I ship you with Bofur. I cannot imagine you with anyone better. Like. Bruh. You guys would be so frikin sweet together!!!

Okay, he would love you so much. Your desire to become a craftsman and make jewelry? He’d love that, and would 100% give you pointers and tips, and guide you towards his cousins if you want to work on more advanced techniques. He’d be honored to don any jewelry you make for him, and would treasure it forever. When you get comfortable enough around him and let out your witty side? He’d be surprised at first, but would soon be joking right along with you! Like, Mahal, he never knew that you were this funny!

He’d always be there to help you on your bad days. Whether your chronic illness is bothering you, your anxiety is becoming too much, or you’re on a sensory overload and have a meltdown, he’s always supporting you. He’d take you in his arms and cuddle you pressing kisses all over your face. He’d try and make you laugh once the worst of it has passed, and it makes him feel a bit better if he can get you to smile. Or,  he’d leave you alone, if that’s what you need. But he’d never be far, so that he can be there if you do need him.

He’d love learning about mythology from you, and finds it really fascinating that you’re able to communicate with them through your practice (though, he’d get very jealous of Þor when he hears that Þor flirts with you, so be prepared to deal with that lol). But this dwarf would also have a few dwarrow myths and history of his own to share with you, so you’d spend plenty of time bonding and talking about that as well!

Bofur loves your hair so much, and thinks it’s almost like magic how it changes to golden-honey in the sunlight. When he learns you don’t know how to braid, he’s insistent upon braiding it for you (even if you’re not courting yet and it’s platonic). If you wanted too, he’d also teach you some styles, so you could do your own hair (and also his). He might get a bit upset at how many bruises appear on your skin, “Lass, you’ve got to be gentle with yerself! I hate to see you hurt!”, but it never bothers him too much. He has plenty of bruises and scrapes himself, after all. You both get pretty messy, with him being a minor and you being a fun size aragorn, but every so often you both bathe and get cleaned up. It’s all for naught, since you both immediately get dirty again the next day, but at least you both get cleaned up once in a while.

All in all, you and Bofur are the most precious and cheery couple in Middle Earth.

[aesirblood]

And today.... Hobbity holes!

[amanby]

My thanks to guest blogger Rambo for an excellent post detailing our short separation and his Afrikaans experience with Barry the bigot. It's amazingly confusing how those people tend to be simultaneously so generous to us and hate-filled to the blacks. Our drive from Durban to Hogsback is an arduous slog, with time on the road punctuated only by a pit stop and cliff jump in Coffee Bay and an aborted quest for the holy grail of Bulungula, a tiny community we had heard about which supposedly offers the chance to live amongst the Xhosa with their colourful round huts, at the mouth of a river with dreamy tubing opportunities. Sadly it proves unfindable, which is another way of saying that my navigation skills aren't up to scratch. The dunce award for the day clearly goes to Rambo, however, when he discovers he's left his pride and joy, his drone, at Barry's racist hell hole home and will have to pay to get it shipped to Plettenberg Bay. Nevertheless, Hogsback blows us away. We're in Tolkien territory here, and while stories of local influences on the author may verge on the apocraphyl, it's impossible to wander amongst the endless hills, with the backdrop of the imposing Hogsback mountains, without recollecting hobbity images of the Shire and its surroundings. Rambo and I go for a long walk along winding forested paths, with overgrown bushes and trees frequently blocking our route, and stop occasionally to swim in rock pools above or underneath crashing waterfalls and pose for epic photos, although the snap of the day is undoubtedly taken back at our hostel, with both of us having a (swimming trunked) bath in an old tub which the manager has installed a on the edge of a cliff with breathtaking views. We climb to the top of the tallest waterfall to roll back the years and play our favourite uni game of 421 before inventing poohpuffs, which is essentially like poohsticks except you drop cheesey puffs into rock pools rather than sticks into a river, and hope your intrepid puff navigates its way through treacherous overhanging branches, microscopic eddies, countless wrong turns, and over the raging fall itself. There's some poignancy for me in this admittedly ridiculous game, given that we're playing it just 100km from the city of Grahamstown, where my gran grew up, and it was she who taught me and my siblings to play poohsticks by her house in Shropshire when I was growing up. Back in town, stopping in at the local pub brings much hilarity as we accidentally crash a local birthday party and benefit from a case of mistaken identity when someone identifies me as "that Canadian legend who drank 19 pints yesterday." I can't see any reason to refute the claim, and suddenly we're the talk of the town (and no-one seems able to recognise we dooont sooooond like Canadians).