#hobbit wedding

[misatokitten]

Just put it all on and I’m ready to take it all off 😂

[pansy-chic27213]

A Hobbit Wedding 💍🌿🎇🏔️

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Setting: This is an outdoor event - you can lean more into the garden vibe or see if you can rent some space on a farm. Your end-goal is to set up a massive tent. This will be the most expensive aspect of the wedding, but the result will be off the charts. Or, you can throw all that out the window, and rent out the original Hobbiton in New Zealand.

Decorations: The keywords here are rustic, overgrown, and cottagecore. As much as possible, aim for English cottage furniture, with fluffy blankets and pillows, mixed with nature elements like moss, wildflowers, and baskets of fruits and veggies. One cute idea might be to have 12 tables, one for each of the Company’s dwarrows. You could include their hats from the book, as well as an item that represents them, such as Oin’s ear horn. Of course, you can incorporate swords, archery equipment, and rings.

Entertainment: This is definitely a wedding where you want to invite your guests to dress up; that said, you’ll probably find it worthwhile to get the ground cleaned up in case people commit to going barefoot. With proper precautions, you can have a fireworks show, as well. You might consider doing a trivia-night style riddle contest, and you want to make sure there’s space for dancing and getting your jig on. As I did mention archery equipment for aesthetics, you might also consider having an actual archery course.

Food: Homecooked is the vibe here. You can lean into cute, tiny finger foods like tea sandwiches, bite-sized tarts, and plentiful berries, but your big winners will be a roasted meat, fresh greens, and abundant potatoes. If you can get more than one kind of potato in there, you’ve succeeded. For drinks, you can do themed cocktails, but you can keep your drink menu more on theme (and less expensive) by limiting the options to a couple wines and a fun option like mead.

This wedding is all about comfort and mixing the fantasy of adventure with the joy of loved ones.

[basil--and--sage]

Reshirement AU, in which Thorin and Bilbo decide to get married and celebrate their stag nights following their respective cultural traditions.

Thorin sits with his family and friends in Bag End and gets his hair braided and himself pampered, while they talk about his hopes and dreams for his upcoming marriage. He blushes frequently.

In the meantime, Bilbo gets cheered on by about 60 of his relatives, while he does a keg stand.

[crowrelli]

Imagine your fruity ass cousin has a mental breakdown one day and disappears? And then after YEARS of you assuming he’s dead, he shows up with a literal king on his arm and more money than you even can begin to imagine? Then after he finally stops yelling at you for taking his silverware (which he will remember till the day he dies) he just makes fun of you any chance he gets?? Tbh lobelia deserved it 💅💅

[casually-eat-my-soul]

I’m just picturing bilbo talking about courting habit of hobbits to the company (maybe ori was asking questions idk) and he off handily mentions that hobbits court via food.

Cue the company wondering that if them eating his entire pantry and him letting them means something. This increases into an argument wether over whose the better dwarf. (Not that any of them are planning on doing anything but they were trying to figure out how to let Bilbo down and it spiralled into who was the best)

“I have better hair”

“I’m a BETTER FIGHTER”

“Well I can cook, Hobbits like food and lots of it.”

Thorin is silently stewing but can’t say anything. That is until Gandalf says that the courting only counts if the hobbit themselves cooks the food for you and serves you. (He thinks the drama is hilarious and wanted more entertainment)

The entire company then remembers that only only person he technically served was Thorin with the soup he cooked.

This only makes the fighting worse, and makes Thorin more smug. Fili and Kili are outraged

“We’re both royalty and younger and more attractive. What does uncle have that we don’t”

But they use this against him when he’s being rude to bilbo “oh be careful uncle, he might trade you in for a better model”

Balin is overjoyed because bilbo is persuasive and politically smart and doesn’t like gold. Dwalin doesn’t know whether to clown on Thorin or be scared over his future as a royal guard because bilbo is somehow worse than Thorin when it comes to death defining stunts.

The rest of the company still argues up until Thorin and bilbos wedding whether or not bilbo was counting them as well. They also make bets because or course they do.

Gandalf takes great, great pleasure in claiming credit for bringing the couple together but honestly he was just looking for entertainment.

[smolestboop]

I went fishing today and it was relaxing (and fun when I actually caught some hehe) Thank you to my mutual @dean-o-bean-o for giving me the idea of Bilbo and Thorin fishing and Thorin being terrible at it hdfdjsfkd

[ithrilyann]

a funny little parallel (kind of) that always makes me chuckle

[7soulstars]

My Incorrect Universe #96

*before courting Thranduil*

Me: *trips on the ground*

Thranduil, scoffing and in a mocking tone : haha, how clumsy, could you be any more foolish?

*later when no one is around*

Thranduil : *stomping the ground* who do you think you are?? WHO IN EVER LOVING VALAR DO YOU-

--Few years later--

Thorin: I can’t believe you talked to Thranduil without getting so much as a glare! Most people can’t even look in his general direction without some kind of threat.

Me: I mean, it would be a little weird if he did. We are engaged after all......

Thorin, who thought he had a chance: “....YOU’RE WHAT?!”

Legolas,a rogue Gimli tucked under his arm pit: YOU'RE WHAT ?!

Haldir and Lindir, from behind the trees: YOU ARE WHAT ??!

Elrond: YOU'RE WHAT ?!

Me: why are YOU shocked?? You watched him propose to me??

Elrond, recalling himself screaming as he witnessed Thranduil get on one knee that day: I'm still recovering from the trauma-

*Legolas still trying to process what I just announced*:

[krysoslov]

🎵I don’t like shiny things, so I’d marry you with friendship bracelets🎵

this is my new year present for all of you

[thotinshield]

back in bagginshield brainrot about thorin being a virgin, bilbo being a bit of a hoe, and thorin getting his brains absolutely fucked outta him and being like "whoa..." sorry not sorry

[eri-pl]

A crack origin for Hobbits

Warnings: high levels of crack, Elf-Dwarf relationship, mentions of Sauron.

So my husband asked me how strictly canon is "Hobbits are just Men, but short" and we talked and yes, Hobbits do have some Dwarflike traits but also some Elflike traits—

OK. so, Eregion.

I could go with Celebrimbor, but Maglor is funnier. And he is the only Elf in the Silm said to be married but not any details about it. And Silm was redacted later, I can very well see Maglor marrying someone really inaproppriate in SA and Elrond noting it down as "Maglor was wed."

So, Maglor is taking a break from beach hermiting and visiting his nephew (I don't care the book says "he never came again among the elves" — Elrond wrote the book and I imagine they were on speaking terms and more close than resentful. also, he never officially did, but I imagine it wasn't a big secret in Eregion that he's Maglor. Yes, it freaked the jewelsmiths out.)

And Celebrimbor gets a mysterious visitor and Maglor doesn't like him (and when Maglor agrees with Galadriel, it is something), and Sauron is quite terrified that his plan will go into pieces. So he decides to get rid of Maglor, Maglor's credibility and some of the meddling Dwarves.

Now, in the Legendarium love potions etc don't exist, so I would assume more like "Sauron made them get lost in some mines and confused them with magics, and Maglor falling in love with the Dwarf was a side-effect". Anyway, Maglor falls in love with a Dwarven lady, and she with him (other Dwarves are fine, maybe even survive too). And it's Sauron's fault.

Anyway they marry, and even after their minds clear, they are still in love, because they did build ahealthy-ish relationship in the meantime (let Maglor have some happiness), and, well, they have kids. Who are weird and small and less hairy than Dwarves.

Depending on your preference, it may end with Maglor running away to the beach (especially after learning what happenned to Celebrimbor), or with his wife dying peacefully of old age in his arms or whatever. Or less peacefully but at least they both fight in the war against Sauron.

Anyway the kids are there, and they have marry some Dwarves and their kids are still very similar to the strange mix, and don't look like normal Dwarves, so after a few generations they are their own tribe and leave.

And yes: they are the hobbits.

Cons of this theory:

More tragedy for Maglor and other Elves would laugh at him

Elf-Dwarf relationships.

Hobbits are descendants of a doomed kinslayer (but does that matter?)

Where do Hobbits even go for afterlife??? (New Zealand)

Pros:

More tragedy for Maglor and now we know why he doesn't want to return

Hobbits have an explanation. Also, Hobbits being musical, hard to corrupt, and having a knack for finding treasure has an explanation

Sauron's evil schemming is an important factor in the emergence of the race which later will lead to his downfall. And that's just too good. I almost can ignore the Elf-Dwarf thing for this.

It gives Námo a headache? (I like him, but I also like to make him confused and that's hard XD )

[thehobbitgirlie]

I think about bilbo and thorin's wedding day at least 100 times a day like imagine bilbo picking the best flowers and thorin just being there thinking "I have no idea what's happening but I'm loving it" oh my god I need to think about every scenario ever

[basil--and--sage]

The movies might portray Kíli as a cheeky ladies' man, but I think we should embrace his true self: an easily flustered dork.

He might manage a little bit of banter and a wink, but as soon as a lady genuinely approaches him? He turns purple, fumbles for his words and radiates enough awkward energy to give psychic damage to everyone in an one mile radius.

Which is kind of a problem, since our dear Kíli would love to court and wed (and have a few little Dwarflings), but unfortunately he nearly faints every time he has to speak to a lady.

In the Shire he sees a lady's ankle for the first time. He nearly spontaneously combusts.

(Fíli (*fanning air at Kíli*): "Brother, keep breathing!"

Kíli: *hot tea kettle noises*)

His wink at the Elf in Rivendell? She winks back and he chokes on his food.

His declaration of love to Tauriel, after she heals him? Only possible, because the lad is still high as a kite.

And the conversation with Tauriel during the imprisonment? Does happen, but he's bright red, sweats miserably and has to start over five times to tell the story about the fire moon.

And Tauriel? Blushes violently, spontaneously forgets the ability to speak and drops his rune stone three times.

(Fíli, watching from his own cell: "By my beard, they are made for each other!")

[code-dy]

Sorry Thorin but Bilbo really loves his food

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Ghost of a Chance

Rating: E

Warnings: Sexual Content, Non-Con Bondage, Near-Fatal Encounters, Suffocation, Minor Character Death

Status: Complete (7/7)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting | SuspenseThriller | One Night Stands | Second Chances | Blow Jobs | anal penetration | Semi-Public Sex | Wedding Planning | Wedding Fluff | Ghost Hunting | Haunted Hotel | Vengeful Spirits | Hair-Raising Scenes | Near Drowning | Non-Con Bondage | suffocation | stalker behavior | Fatal Fall from a Balcony | Happy Ending | Character Death | Masturbation | Hand Jobs

Summary:  Bilbo’s young co-worker, Tauriel, needs somebody to walk her down the aisle at her wedding and turns to her “work-dad”. Bilbo had been all for helping her out until he gets to the venue and is faced with Thorin Oakenshield. A man he had left in the past after he escaped out a window during their one night together. However, the older and charming version of the man he met in uni is slowly winning him over. Which will come in handy because Bilbo is fairly certain he is being stalked by a ghost at this hotel…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Chapter: Chapter 7- Here Comes the Bride

She nodded her head as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“I’m still sorry you had to go through it.” She murmured.

“Me too.” Bilbo admitted easily. “I’m sorry that it happened when it did. Perhaps seeing two people who love each other get married might keep the week from being a total bust.”

She gave him a half-quirked smile at that.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to go back to being friends after this.” She remarked.

Bilbo shook his head. “No, that would be rather difficult.” 

She nodded, her brow furrowing.

“Because we’re family now.” He finished.

For more of this chapter, please click the AO3 link above!

[scribefindegil]

This LotR reread is giving me an OVERPOWERING urge to sew myself a bunch of cute little hobbity vests