#hobbit wedding

[pansy-chic27213]

A Hobbit Wedding 💍🌿🎇🏔️

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Setting: This is an outdoor event - you can lean more into the garden vibe or see if you can rent some space on a farm. Your end-goal is to set up a massive tent. This will be the most expensive aspect of the wedding, but the result will be off the charts. Or, you can throw all that out the window, and rent out the original Hobbiton in New Zealand.

Decorations: The keywords here are rustic, overgrown, and cottagecore. As much as possible, aim for English cottage furniture, with fluffy blankets and pillows, mixed with nature elements like moss, wildflowers, and baskets of fruits and veggies. One cute idea might be to have 12 tables, one for each of the Company’s dwarrows. You could include their hats from the book, as well as an item that represents them, such as Oin’s ear horn. Of course, you can incorporate swords, archery equipment, and rings.

Entertainment: This is definitely a wedding where you want to invite your guests to dress up; that said, you’ll probably find it worthwhile to get the ground cleaned up in case people commit to going barefoot. With proper precautions, you can have a fireworks show, as well. You might consider doing a trivia-night style riddle contest, and you want to make sure there’s space for dancing and getting your jig on. As I did mention archery equipment for aesthetics, you might also consider having an actual archery course.

Food: Homecooked is the vibe here. You can lean into cute, tiny finger foods like tea sandwiches, bite-sized tarts, and plentiful berries, but your big winners will be a roasted meat, fresh greens, and abundant potatoes. If you can get more than one kind of potato in there, you’ve succeeded. For drinks, you can do themed cocktails, but you can keep your drink menu more on theme (and less expensive) by limiting the options to a couple wines and a fun option like mead.

This wedding is all about comfort and mixing the fantasy of adventure with the joy of loved ones.

[basil--and--sage]

Reshirement AU, in which Thorin and Bilbo decide to get married and celebrate their stag nights following their respective cultural traditions.

Thorin sits with his family and friends in Bag End and gets his hair braided and himself pampered, while they talk about his hopes and dreams for his upcoming marriage. He blushes frequently.

In the meantime, Bilbo gets cheered on by about 60 of his relatives, while he does a keg stand.

[crowrelli]

Imagine your fruity ass cousin has a mental breakdown one day and disappears? And then after YEARS of you assuming he’s dead, he shows up with a literal king on his arm and more money than you even can begin to imagine? Then after he finally stops yelling at you for taking his silverware (which he will remember till the day he dies) he just makes fun of you any chance he gets?? Tbh lobelia deserved it 💅💅

[casually-eat-my-soul]

I’m just picturing bilbo talking about courting habit of hobbits to the company (maybe ori was asking questions idk) and he off handily mentions that hobbits court via food.

Cue the company wondering that if them eating his entire pantry and him letting them means something. This increases into an argument wether over whose the better dwarf. (Not that any of them are planning on doing anything but they were trying to figure out how to let Bilbo down and it spiralled into who was the best)

“I have better hair”

“I’m a BETTER FIGHTER”

“Well I can cook, Hobbits like food and lots of it.”

Thorin is silently stewing but can’t say anything. That is until Gandalf says that the courting only counts if the hobbit themselves cooks the food for you and serves you. (He thinks the drama is hilarious and wanted more entertainment)

The entire company then remembers that only only person he technically served was Thorin with the soup he cooked.

This only makes the fighting worse, and makes Thorin more smug. Fili and Kili are outraged

“We’re both royalty and younger and more attractive. What does uncle have that we don’t”

But they use this against him when he’s being rude to bilbo “oh be careful uncle, he might trade you in for a better model”

Balin is overjoyed because bilbo is persuasive and politically smart and doesn’t like gold. Dwalin doesn’t know whether to clown on Thorin or be scared over his future as a royal guard because bilbo is somehow worse than Thorin when it comes to death defining stunts.

The rest of the company still argues up until Thorin and bilbos wedding whether or not bilbo was counting them as well. They also make bets because or course they do.

Gandalf takes great, great pleasure in claiming credit for bringing the couple together but honestly he was just looking for entertainment.

[smolestboop]

I went fishing today and it was relaxing (and fun when I actually caught some hehe) Thank you to my mutual @dean-o-bean-o for giving me the idea of Bilbo and Thorin fishing and Thorin being terrible at it hdfdjsfkd

[ithrilyann]

a funny little parallel (kind of) that always makes me chuckle

[7soulstars]

My Incorrect Universe #96

*before courting Thranduil*

Me: *trips on the ground*

Thranduil, scoffing and in a mocking tone : haha, how clumsy, could you be any more foolish?

*later when no one is around*

Thranduil : *stomping the ground* who do you think you are?? WHO IN EVER LOVING VALAR DO YOU-

--Few years later--

Thorin: I can’t believe you talked to Thranduil without getting so much as a glare! Most people can’t even look in his general direction without some kind of threat.

Me: I mean, it would be a little weird if he did. We are engaged after all......

Thorin, who thought he had a chance: “....YOU’RE WHAT?!”

Legolas,a rogue Gimli tucked under his arm pit: YOU'RE WHAT ?!

Haldir and Lindir, from behind the trees: YOU ARE WHAT ??!

Elrond: YOU'RE WHAT ?!

Me: why are YOU shocked?? You watched him propose to me??

Elrond, recalling himself screaming as he witnessed Thranduil get on one knee that day: I'm still recovering from the trauma-

*Legolas still trying to process what I just announced*:

[cthulhusstepmom]

Hobbits are attracted to soft things, Dwarves are attracted to opulence.

It was the talk of the Shire when the last Baggins ran off on an adventure, presumed dead of course, those adventures are nasty, deadly things; even more so when he popped up again, a rather large, rather wild looking fellow at his side. He'd not been home for long before talks of a wedding started circulating. And of course there's no talk for polite society quite like wedding talk. It was even more a surprise when, confronted about the rumors on one screechy morning by a Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, he quite gleefully announced that it wouldn't be to a Hobbit at all but to a dwarf of all people. The dwarf that had taken to following Mister Baggins everywhere, Dwalin they called him, had let loose a rather frightening, growly laugh at the shock on all their faces. Poor Miss Sackville-Baggins had to be carried down the hill after she fainted the poor dear. They were told to sit tight and be patient, that they would get their fill of ogling soon enough. In the meantime all of the Shire was alive with the joyous occasion of wedding preparation. Because if there is one thing that Hobbits love more than Mushrooms it is celebrating. And a wedding of any kind is as good of an excuse as any.

A quiet catching worry of having so many dwarves about does spread through many of the older, more respectable hobbits. They're just so very different is all, especially if they're anything like Mister Dwalin; who is a great help when it comes to lifting heavy things but is truly terrifying when he's had a bit much to drink as he's fond of heavy handed cuddles and the hobbits are a fragile folk that bruise quite easily.

So is it any wonder that mutters and murmurs chase up and down the hill when the wedding party arrives for one Mister Bilbo Baggins and the good folk of Hobbiton get a look at his groom?

At first glance he was a very comely fellow, round and jolly with a smile that could make up for the beard. And then he was introduced as one Master Bombur, one of the Groomsmen. The good hobbits of the Shire were quite quietly appalled when Mister Baggins introduced his Fiance to them. A Master Thorin Oakenshield Son of Thrain Son of Thror; a rugged dwarf with far too many angles and tangles and hard lines and edges, covered from head to toe in lean muscle that had a great many hobbits doubting Mister Baggins skills as a homemaker. He was grumpy whenever he was parted from his fiance and moody at the best of times. There was nothing soft about him, which it is common knowledge to be that which Hobbits prize most dearly in a partner. And, in the opinions of the Hobbiton high society, one of the singularly most unpleasant and unattractive individuals in the entirety of Middle Earth.

Though he did briefly salvage their good opinion when he thoroughly and succinctly put at least a temporary end to the screeching of Lobelia Sackville-Baggins by glowering at her so hard she was, for the first and probably the last time in her life, struck dumb.

As the wedding grew closer the murmurs grew more frantic, was Mister Baggins really intent to tie himself to this unpleasant dwarf? He was certainly eccentric but he's a kind fellow and the hobbits of Hobbiton surely did not wish to see him miserable. Such murmurs persisted until the time they were overheard by the rather overzealous nephews of the dwarf in question and were silenced with enthusiastic prejudice. So the Hobbits worried. Privately. And quietly. (No one was going to be the first to find out if the young dwarves really would skewer them like shish kabobs and leave them to dry in the sun.)

Until the day of the wedding.

Gathered in a discontented crowd the hobbits of the Shire watched on as the glowering dwarf stood watching for his husband to be, barely paying any heed to the officiant. (To be fair Old Took was paying him about the same amount of mind, distracted he was rattling off tales of Tooks past). And then, when Bilbo entered, something remarkable happened.

The Dwarf softened.

Icy steel eyes melted into warm springs, tense shoulders settled open and loose, clenched fists relaxed, subconsciously reaching forward just the slightest bit.

That day, that dwarf was the softest of any seen before or seen since to this very day. And every single Hobbit in the Shire was jealous of one Bilbo Baggins and his beautiful soft dwarf.

[bluecaeriart]

I adore you, I do, I do. We’ll be just fine.

this song and this fic go so well together and reading it while listening to the song makes everything hurt even more O;IAERGO;IAHEO;RGIHAERO;GIAO;RGIH ITS SO GOOD 

[thotinshield]

back in bagginshield brainrot about thorin being a virgin, bilbo being a bit of a hoe, and thorin getting his brains absolutely fucked outta him and being like "whoa..." sorry not sorry

[eri-pl]

A crack origin for Hobbits

Warnings: high levels of crack, Elf-Dwarf relationship, mentions of Sauron.

So my husband asked me how strictly canon is "Hobbits are just Men, but short" and we talked and yes, Hobbits do have some Dwarflike traits but also some Elflike traits—

OK. so, Eregion.

I could go with Celebrimbor, but Maglor is funnier. And he is the only Elf in the Silm said to be married but not any details about it. And Silm was redacted later, I can very well see Maglor marrying someone really inaproppriate in SA and Elrond noting it down as "Maglor was wed."

So, Maglor is taking a break from beach hermiting and visiting his nephew (I don't care the book says "he never came again among the elves" — Elrond wrote the book and I imagine they were on speaking terms and more close than resentful. also, he never officially did, but I imagine it wasn't a big secret in Eregion that he's Maglor. Yes, it freaked the jewelsmiths out.)

And Celebrimbor gets a mysterious visitor and Maglor doesn't like him (and when Maglor agrees with Galadriel, it is something), and Sauron is quite terrified that his plan will go into pieces. So he decides to get rid of Maglor, Maglor's credibility and some of the meddling Dwarves.

Now, in the Legendarium love potions etc don't exist, so I would assume more like "Sauron made them get lost in some mines and confused them with magics, and Maglor falling in love with the Dwarf was a side-effect". Anyway, Maglor falls in love with a Dwarven lady, and she with him (other Dwarves are fine, maybe even survive too). And it's Sauron's fault.

Anyway they marry, and even after their minds clear, they are still in love, because they did build ahealthy-ish relationship in the meantime (let Maglor have some happiness), and, well, they have kids. Who are weird and small and less hairy than Dwarves.

Depending on your preference, it may end with Maglor running away to the beach (especially after learning what happenned to Celebrimbor), or with his wife dying peacefully of old age in his arms or whatever. Or less peacefully but at least they both fight in the war against Sauron.

Anyway the kids are there, and they have marry some Dwarves and their kids are still very similar to the strange mix, and don't look like normal Dwarves, so after a few generations they are their own tribe and leave.

And yes: they are the hobbits.

Cons of this theory:

More tragedy for Maglor and other Elves would laugh at him

Elf-Dwarf relationships.

Hobbits are descendants of a doomed kinslayer (but does that matter?)

Where do Hobbits even go for afterlife??? (New Zealand)

Pros:

More tragedy for Maglor and now we know why he doesn't want to return

Hobbits have an explanation. Also, Hobbits being musical, hard to corrupt, and having a knack for finding treasure has an explanation

Sauron's evil schemming is an important factor in the emergence of the race which later will lead to his downfall. And that's just too good. I almost can ignore the Elf-Dwarf thing for this.

It gives Námo a headache? (I like him, but I also like to make him confused and that's hard XD )

[thehobbitgirlie]

I think about bilbo and thorin's wedding day at least 100 times a day like imagine bilbo picking the best flowers and thorin just being there thinking "I have no idea what's happening but I'm loving it" oh my god I need to think about every scenario ever

[basil--and--sage]

The movies might portray Kíli as a cheeky ladies' man, but I think we should embrace his true self: an easily flustered dork.

He might manage a little bit of banter and a wink, but as soon as a lady genuinely approaches him? He turns purple, fumbles for his words and radiates enough awkward energy to give psychic damage to everyone in an one mile radius.

Which is kind of a problem, since our dear Kíli would love to court and wed (and have a few little Dwarflings), but unfortunately he nearly faints every time he has to speak to a lady.

In the Shire he sees a lady's ankle for the first time. He nearly spontaneously combusts.

(Fíli (*fanning air at Kíli*): "Brother, keep breathing!"

Kíli: *hot tea kettle noises*)

His wink at the Elf in Rivendell? She winks back and he chokes on his food.

His declaration of love to Tauriel, after she heals him? Only possible, because the lad is still high as a kite.

And the conversation with Tauriel during the imprisonment? Does happen, but he's bright red, sweats miserably and has to start over five times to tell the story about the fire moon.

And Tauriel? Blushes violently, spontaneously forgets the ability to speak and drops his rune stone three times.

(Fíli, watching from his own cell: "By my beard, they are made for each other!")

[code-dy]

Sorry Thorin but Bilbo really loves his food

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Ghost of a Chance

Rating: E

Warnings: Sexual Content, Non-Con Bondage, Near-Fatal Encounters, Suffocation, Minor Character Death

Status: Complete (7/7)

Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting | SuspenseThriller | One Night Stands | Second Chances | Blow Jobs | anal penetration | Semi-Public Sex | Wedding Planning | Wedding Fluff | Ghost Hunting | Haunted Hotel | Vengeful Spirits | Hair-Raising Scenes | Near Drowning | Non-Con Bondage | suffocation | stalker behavior | Fatal Fall from a Balcony | Happy Ending | Character Death | Masturbation | Hand Jobs

Summary:  Bilbo’s young co-worker, Tauriel, needs somebody to walk her down the aisle at her wedding and turns to her “work-dad”. Bilbo had been all for helping her out until he gets to the venue and is faced with Thorin Oakenshield. A man he had left in the past after he escaped out a window during their one night together. However, the older and charming version of the man he met in uni is slowly winning him over. Which will come in handy because Bilbo is fairly certain he is being stalked by a ghost at this hotel…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Last Chapter: Chapter 7- Here Comes the Bride

She nodded her head as she tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. 

“I’m still sorry you had to go through it.” She murmured.

“Me too.” Bilbo admitted easily. “I’m sorry that it happened when it did. Perhaps seeing two people who love each other get married might keep the week from being a total bust.”

She gave him a half-quirked smile at that.

“I don’t think we’ll be able to go back to being friends after this.” She remarked.

Bilbo shook his head. “No, that would be rather difficult.” 

She nodded, her brow furrowing.

“Because we’re family now.” He finished.

For more of this chapter, please click the AO3 link above!

[scribefindegil]

This LotR reread is giving me an OVERPOWERING urge to sew myself a bunch of cute little hobbity vests